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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years ago

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JBBarnesNNoble's 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Challenge 2021

Hello lovely people! And welcome to the 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge last year but through conversations with other writers over Discord, it evolved into a Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge last year. I’m reusing some of the unused prompts from last year’s challenge and adding in some new ones!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity.

This challenge will run through July 31st, 2021. It will run through Mental Health Awareness Month, Pride Month, and the month of July to give people time to write. You can submit it at any time. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. Please don’t hesitate to message me if I haven’t interacted with your fic after a few days! Sometimes the tag system doesn’t work and I miss things!

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first.

2. Use #JBBNNMHAM21 to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got.

7. NO JOHN WALKER FICS. Please. Please no. I beg of you.

8. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it.

You also can alter the sentence and dialogue prompts as needed for grammar, be it altering the pronouns used or changing the pluralization of a word.

9. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“I feel like if I let go, if I move on, I’ll only be proving them right.”

“I don’t know. Am I? Because from where I’m standing it’s pretty damn clear that’s how you see me.”

“You don’t believe that do you? Tell me you don’t. Please.”

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“Everyone’s got broken pieces. Some have more, some have less. It doesn’t make you less of a person to have those broken pieces.” @nekoannie-chan

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll take that shake now.”

“What’s the point if I’m going to end up breaking that promise too?”

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“It made you smile though. And that will always be a win in my book.”

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

Summer had a smell that reminded her of innocence and a time long since past.

In that moment, the world stopped spinning on its axis as it all shattered down around her.

Some things, there would never be a way to understand. @justrunamok

Like shattered glass, in that moment the illusion was broken.

Forever was a lie, just like everything else.

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

They’d say it was easy, like riding a bike. Except, you never learned how to ride a bike in the first place.

Today was going to be good. It had to be.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate @samsgoddess

College

Childhood Friends @tellmealovestory

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Doctor

Song Prompts:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.”

3. Barefoot and Bruised - Jamestown Story

Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil

Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier

Lyric Snippet: “If I surrender, surrender, to the monsters in me, will it set me free?”

6. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha

Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

7. Broken Arrows - Daughtry

Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

8. Used - Serious Matters

Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

9. According to You - Orianthi

Lyric Snippet: “According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right”

10. Let It Land - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

11. Cold As You - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

12. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

13. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

14. Therapy - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy you were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery”

15. Scars - Alison Iraheta

Lyric Snippet: “Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be. Take me, this is all that I’ve got, this is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I got flaws, I got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are, we’ve all got our scars”

16. Hurts to Know - 1551

Lyric Snippet: “I can’t remember what I did to earn you by my side. I can’t surrender. I’ll fight as long as you’re in my life”

17. Spinning Bottles - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “He’s in a hotel room, with the tv on. Getting lost in the static with the curtains drawn, knowing this could be the time that gets her gone for good, he’d quit if he could. But one down, two down, three down, four, can’t even recognize the man in the mirror anymore”

18. Praying - Kesha

Lyric Snippet: “Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. ‘Cause I can make it on my own. And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.”

19. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking”

20. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes”

21. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.”

22. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

23. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.”

24. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.”

25. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

26. Heaven Right Now - Thomas Rhett

Lyric Snippet: “When the whole crew gets together, memory lane goes on forever. We twist a top and pour a little Jack D out.”

#JBBNNMHAM21 #writing challenge #marvel fanfic

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fandomlovingfreak · 4 years ago

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Take Two (2/?)

Fred Weasley/Reader

Rating: E for everyone

Word Count: 2871

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link

Summary: Quidditch rivalries can cause tension between the houses but nothing is like the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Fred Weasley and (y/n) take Quidditch rivalries just a bit too seriously.

Disclaimer: Fred Weasley (George Weasley, any of the Weasley Characters, Harry Potter etc) is a character from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. I don’t own Harry Potter or any of it’s characters, and I do not profit financially from any of my posts. (This is a transformative fair use work in accordance with Section 107 of the United States Copyright Act.)

Enjoy

I pass Fred Weasley in the halls multiple times a day, and every time I can't help but raise my chin slightly with pride. In turn, he scowls at me nearly every time we pass each other, making himself busy talking to whoever he's walking with or pushing his group of friends or twin into another corridor to avoid contact with me. Maybe it is a bit roguish of me to say, but I'd like to think I was to do with his discomfort.

"Scared off Weasley, have you?" my Ravenclaw friend, Jack, jokes with me.

"Seems like it. Can't handle losing a fight to a girl."

"I think it's more like he can't handle losing a Quidditch game to Slytherin and then getting absolutely owned by their star Chaser."

"You flatter me. It's not that much of a victory when you're arguing with someone so dimwitted, though."

Jack snickers, "I'll see you later (y/n). That is if you're still available to study after dinner?"

"Yes! I desperately need help with my potions homework."

"Only if you'll help with Charms."

"Obviously! See you, Jack." I wave to my friend, turning a corner towards the Transfiguration classroom when I run into someone. I nearly fall to the floor, but whoever I've run into grabs me up and pulls me towards their chest before I can hit the ground. I'm about to thank them for saving me from a nasty fall when he speaks.

"Watch where you're going, (y/l/n)." I wince, looking up at Fred.

"I was turning the corner. What are you doing walking on the wrong side of the hallway?"

He rolls his eyes, "unbelievable. Should've let you fall."

Through my teeth, I growl back, "maybe you should've."

"Whatever." He lets go of me before he maneuvers himself around my person. Instantly, I feel terrible as I watch him walk away.

"Fred!" I shout down the hall getting a bit of attention from the other students walking. He stops and turns back towards me. He's wearing a scowl on his face as he barks out an annoyed 'what?'

"Thank you..." My voice is weak sounding, and I can't bear to say anything more. Fred's face softens a tiny bit, and it looks like he's going to say something... But it's all too embarrassing, so I turn and make a beeline towards Transfigurations. Hopefully, no one's noticed any of that. At least, I hope if they have, they have the decency to not remind me later on.

***

Unfortunately for my pride, I have Defence Against the Dark Arts with Fred and a handful of the Fifth year Gryffindors later that day. I glance his way for a moment when I walk in, feeling too embarrassed to do much more. Hating that he saved me from toppling over in the corridor, I try to busy myself talking to my deskmate, a Hufflepuff girl named Ava, who's become my friend since sitting by me at the very beginning of the school year.

"Are you okay, (y/n)?" Ava asks, decidedly concerned as to why I'm acting so frazzled today. I'm too uncomfortable, feeling Fred's gaze on me every so often during class. Why does he have to stare?

"I'm fine. Did you understand question seven of the homework?"

"You seem odd today."

"I'm fine, really. I got counter jinx for question three, but I wasn't sure if that was correct."

Ava rolls her eyes, "quit changing the subject. Why are you being so strange today?"

I sigh, knowing Ava too well. She won't give up on asking me why I'm not acting like myself, "Were you at the match between Gryffindor and Slytherin this past weekend?"

"No, but I heard you got into it with Fred Weasley over the game-winning call."

"Yeah, well, that happened. We got into this whole argument, and of course, I won--" Ava giggles, "anyways, I ran into him. Literally ran into him in a corridor earlier, and he's such a--prick. I can't stand the Gryffindor brave type. Honestly, Ava, I'm convinced calling them brave is just the kindest way they could think of to call them thick. Of course, it's gone to their head..." Ava cackles over this, causing me to grin widely.

"You ran into him? What do you mean exactly?" She glances over her shoulder at the boy in question.

"Don't draw his attention over here!" I squeak out, glancing at him to see if he's noticed. He looks up from his own work when I glance over my shoulder, causing me to whip my head back around to face the front of the classroom. I exhale shakily, suddenly feeling nervous...? No, not nervous. That isn't exactly what I'm feeling.

"Anyways..." I whisper to Ava, "I ran into him when I was turning around a corner when I was walking to class, and I almost ate it. But--he caught me." Scowling, I go back to looking at my assignment.

"He saved you from falling, and now you're--what? Upset about it?" She begins to giggle again, finding my dilemma funny of all things.

"No, I'm not upset about that! Well, maybe I am a little... I'm more upset that I quarreled with him over it and then thanked him after he'd been a complete ass. And then-- I got all flustered over it and practically ran the other way to avoid any further embarrassment." She gives me a little grin like she's figured out something I haven't. I absolutely hate to feel like I've been left out of the joke. "What's so funny?"

"It's nothing," she shrugs, going back to her answers, "He's been looking over here quite a bit."

Pursing my lips, I look back at my own assignment, "I know. He's making it so much worse!" I scribble down the answer to question seven, my knuckles almost white from the way I'm gripping my quill.

"It's curious," Ava comments as she's reading from our textbook.

"What is?"

"It's just strange that he's looking over here, I guess? Did he say anything back when you thanked him?"

I chuckle, "I ran away before he got the chance."

"Maybe he wants to say something?"

I groan, "I hope not. I've had enough of him for the rest of the school year in one single week."

***

Class is dismissed. I say goodbye to Ava as I gather up my possessions. I'm about to walk through the doorway when I feel a tug on my robe's sleeve. I turn, expecting one of my friends to be getting my attention but find Fred Weasley's hand on my robe.

"What do you want?" I spit out before pulling my sleeve from him.

He frowns, "Can I talk to you?"

Sighing, I ask, "why?"

"Just--" he looks increasingly flustered... Odd. "Come." Again, he tugs at my sleeve, pulling me away from the crowds of students that flood the halls.

"What do you want?" I ask again when we're away from others.

"Why did you thank me and then run off?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Frederick. Should I have not thanked you?"

"You had the opportunity before you mouthed off to me."

My frown deepens, "Fuck you." I take a step away from him, but he's got a hold on my arm this time.

"Why--Why do you hate me so much?"

I scoff, "I don't have the time to hate you. Besides, you don't make it hard to see you're the one who hates me."

A dusty flush covers his cheeks, reaching the tips of his ears, "I do not! I doubt I've given you any impression that I hate you."

"You argue with me every instance you're given!" I raise my voice. How ridiculous to assume I wouldn't have caught on to how much he dislikes me. It's insulting really to think I didn't catch on!

"I do not!"

"What is this, then?" I lean my weight onto one side, tapping my foot impatiently.

He scowls at me, "You're the one raising their voice! I didn't intend to argue with you." His grip on my arm seems to tighten momentarily. I don't want to be in the corner of the corridor any longer with him.

"Just let go of me!" I yell back. Right then, Professor McGonagall walks by. She stops and frowns at the two of us.

"What is going on here?" She comes up to us. Fred instantly drops my arm, and I let it drop dumbly to my side.

"Nothing professor," I try to look as innocent as possible.

"Nothing? I could hear the two of you arguing from down the hall."

"Professor--"

"Not a word Mister Weasley. Detention, both of you. After dinner at my office. We do not yell in the hallways. And Mister Weasley," she directs her authoritative glare towards him, "we do not grab other students. Do I make myself clear?"

I try not to make a face, knowing Graham would chew me out tomorrow for getting detention and missing our night practice. There's no reason to get two detentions, and McGonagall looks to be in a rather unforgiving mood.

"Yes, Professor," Fred and I say in the same dull tone. McGonagall nods once before leaving.

"Good job! I had practice after dinner," I hike my school bag further up my shoulder.

"Oh, please. You can't blame me entirely for this."

"I can, and I will!" I walk off without another word.

"See you in detention (y/n)," I hear him call after me. I flip him the bird as I continue down the hallway.

***

"You got detention? You? (y/n) (y/l/n)?" Carina bursts into laughter, "and with Fred Weasley of all people! This is perfect."

I roll my eyes, "shut up. I'll be lucky to keep my spot on the team now, thanks to him. I bet this was Gryffindor's plan!"

"Or Fred's personal plan to get to hang around you," Carina teases.

"As if." I flick her on the shoulder.

She snickers, "Your First date under the dim candlelit glow of old McGonagall's office.. writing lines or whatever. It's so romantic, well, maybe for a Weasley."

I shake my head. This sudden hate instilled within my own house for the Weasley's was born when Malfoy was sorted into Slytherin. It was a bit ridiculous, in my opinion, and the comments made to the red-headed family were uncalled for and downright cruel at times, "There's nothing wrong with the Weasleys. Just Fred."

"Right," she rolls her eyes.

***

Changing into more comfortable clothing, I make my way to McGonagall's office. Unsurprisingly I get there before Fred.

Clearing my throat to get her attention, I ask, "What do you want me to do, Professor?"

"You and Mister Weasley will be hand cleaning the Trophy Room."

I nod, not surprised by the punishment, "Do you want me to wait for Fred, or can I go up and get started now?"

"You may wait for Mister Weasley in that chair. You shouldn't get a longer punishment just because you've arrived before you were summoned."

"Okay..." I sit down in one of the chairs, trying and failing to be patient. If he arrived on time, we'd already been starting our detention, but in Fred Weasley's fashion, he's made the task more complicated than necessary.

Finally, after ten minutes of waiting, Fred walks through McGonagall's door dressed in a casual sweater and trousers.

"Sorry. I had to sort something--"

"I don't want your excuses, Mister Weasley. You'll be hand cleaning the Trophy Room with Miss (y/l/n). You'll find all the necessary cleaning supplies waiting for you." Fred looks like he's going to complain but thinks better of it, stiffly nodding instead. Oh, so Fred Weasley can hold his tongue, eh?

I stand, "Do you want us to come back once we're done?"

"If it's a reasonable hour, then yes. If it's very late, you may be dismissed. Remember, I will be checking the Trophy Room tomorrow morning and will know if you've ditched." She gives Fred a look. I suppose as the head of the Gryffindor House, she knows a bit about Fred and his habits when it comes to detentions.

"Okay," I walk away, knowing Fred will follow behind me.

***

We sit on opposite sides of the room as we clean through the trophies. Fred's brow is furrowed in concentration, and his sleeves are rolled up above his elbow. It's only slightly distracting to watch him polish the trophies. I turn back to my own work, determined not to get distracted by the sight of him. Pathetic, really.

Somehow Fred has managed to get three done while I've only just finished my first. There's no way he's doing a satisfactory job at this pace!

"How are you so far along?" I stand, my hand on my hip, my polishing rag in the other hand.

"How are you so far behind?" He responds quickly, continuing to clean the golden plaque he's holding.

"Let me see one of your finished ones--" I walk towards him, picking up his first trophy. Much to my surprise, it's spotless.

I glance at him, shocked. Fred smirks, still continuing to work, "What's wrong (y/n)?"

"How?"

Fred chuckles, "I've done this exact work at least six times. You get faster with practice."

I roll my eyes, "How does one person get detention enough times to practically become a professional trophy cleaner?"

"Detentions my specialty, darling."

"Do not call me that," I walk back towards my side of the room.

"No pet names in detention?"

"No pet names, period." I pick up the trophy I was working on before.

"C'mon. It's detention. You don't have to act like you hate me anymore. No one is around to witness."

"Like I said earlier, Frederick, I don't hate you."

"Well, I hate it when you call me Frederick."

I sigh, "That's exactly why I call you Frederick."

I hear him mutter, "I figured."

***

We continue cleaning in silence for what feels like days. Every so often, Fred will try to start up some small talk. Eventually, feeling sorry for him after I've shot down his attempts at conversation, I respond to one. That doesn't mean I choose to be perfectly civil with him as I respond...

"Obviously, I enjoy Quidditch. I play for my house's team, remember?" My back's to him, so I'm safe to crack a small grin over this.

"Oh, yeah. Obviously." I look over my shoulder at him. His back is also facing me.

He's got at least a third more of his side of the room done. "Honestly, I'm a little ticked you've got more of your side done..." I turn to face him, the trophy I've been working on for a hot minute in hand.

"There's no 'my side.' We have to get the entire room done. If anything, I should be irritated that I'm going to do way more than half of the work." His voice has a tinge of annoyance to it.

"Calm down, fire-crotch," I roll my eyes as I continue to polish one of the golden trophies.

"I thought we said no pet names, (y/n)." He turns to face me, an annoying smirk twisting his lips in an admittedly attractive way.

"Shut up," I look down at my trophy, unwilling to meet his eye.

***

Fred does end up doing most of what I had designated as 'my side.' We end up sitting next to each other, chatting some as we finish up the last of the dingy trophies.

"Honestly, how do they get so dirty?" I laugh, glancing up at him.

"I have a theory," he grins at me.

"Let's hear it."

"You know my experience in this department...I've decided McGonagall must be the one who comes and dirties up the trophies so she can use the chore for detention."

I roll my eyes playfully, "c'mon. You think McGonagall, Professor McGonagall, who is notorious for being incredibly tidy, comes up to the third floor and what? Smudges each and every trophy just to make a little chore for naughty students?"

"What other explanation is there?" he chuckles.

Shrugging, I grin at the shiny surface of another cup for Merlin-knows-what. "I just don't think McGonagall has the patience for that nonsense. Shouldn't you know? You seem to be on her radar at all times."

"Still get away with a lot if that's the case," he bumps his shoulder against mine like we're buddies or something.

I stand to set down the newly polished trophy back in its glass case, "Oh! Looks like you've got the last one."

"Really? And it's only..." he glances towards the clock, "nearly eleven."

I can't help but yawn at the mention of the time, "well... I can wait for you to finish--?"

"No, go ahead. If you're tired--"

I don't understand why I feel sad that detention is over. "Oh--well, I'll see you in class soon?" Merlin, why does that sound so--

"Yeah. I'll er--see you." He looks down at his trophy. I falter over what to do next, ultimately deciding to leave the room.

I make my way back down to the dorms. It's quiet, the fire's crackle and the scratch of a seventh year's quill the only noises in the common room.

#Fred Weasley #Take Two #Fred Weasley/reader #Fred Weasley x reader #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine #reader insert #harry potter fanfic #hp #weasley #weasley twins #george weasley #slytherin reader

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years ago

Note

I'm back again (what a surprise lol), if you feel up to it would you mind writing hcs for Jean with the letters Q,T, Y & Z? If that's too much please feel free to take a letter or two off! Tysm 💖

Haha, no worries!! I could gush about Jeanne all day, I really loved writing these!! 💕💕💕 Under a cut because of length (we all know I’m a verbose thot 😂😂😂):

Fluffy ABC headcanons listed here for requests!

Q = Quality Time (how does he like to spend time with her?)

Jeanne loves to do anything MC wants to do (within reason). Any amount of time with her anywhere fills him with bliss. (The heartbreaking alternative to this is that, while he understands they both have things to do that require them to be apart during the day, he misses her presence dearly.)

She wants to bake? He will sit there in the most embarrassing apron and chef hat known to man, and he won’t give a single fuck as long as MC is genuinely delighted and having a marvelous time. In a meadow overflowing with flowers? He’d enjoy the atmosphere alone, but the feeling is just multiplied a thousand-fold at the sight of MC weaving little flower crowns. She places one on his head and excitedly tries to show him how to make one himself, and he just smiles fondly. She wears the crown he makes no matter his lack of skill for the delicate task, and her insistence fills him with such unabating warmth. He struggles to do more mundane tasks and doesn’t really understand where all her energy comes from sometimes, but even so it brings him endless amounts of joy. Will escort her anywhere she wants to go without a single complaint; theater? You got it. Concert? Sure. Watching paint dry? Sick, time to get out the sword polish and chill. (It’s like Netflix and chill, only worse.)

The only places he will ever hesitate to bring her are places that are potentially dangerous; let’s say the black market, or the local casino, Vlad’s castle, etc. etc. He doesn’t like to expose her to unnecessary risks, but he also won’t stop her if she has a good reason/really wants to go. He’ll just glare at every potential threat and stick to her side like glue.

His personal favorite way to spend time though is in settings where they have quiet and privacy, where it’s just the two of them. Whether they’re in the gorgeous field full of lilies behind the mansion or cuddling in their bedroom, he is at his most comfortable and content wherever she is in his arms and they are left alone. (Let it be known that he doesn’t hate others, he just can’t help that he finds larger groups of people exhausting to keep up with--and he’s always on guard to ensure MC’s safety.)

T = Time (how long did it take them to get together?)

(I’m going to preface this by saying: I’m well aware that ikevamp speeds things up but I tend to see that as a narrative necessity; I think a lot of the men would work up to their romance more slowly, ideally.)

With Jeanne it’s a little funny because he develops affection/intrigue for people fast, so it’s fairly obvious when he starts crushing on MC. (I can’t stress enough, Sebas and Mozart are BOTH lenny face from like the first fucking day, it’s the funniest thing in the world. ANYWAY--). He’s similar to Leonardo in that way; there are certain qualities he inherently finds appealing, so he naturally gravitates to people that reflect them. However, a more abiding love--the desire to form a romantic bond with someone--takes more time for him. He and Sebastian share this quality (ISXJ amirite); they fall more and more deeply in love with the person they cherish as they form consistently pleasant memories in their proximity. More than anything, these two stoic characters need somebody that makes them feel safe, appreciated, and profoundly seen.

Her relentless desire to reach others in a positive way is the first thing that attracts Jeanne’s attention, but otherwise he is absolutely a slow burn when it comes to being committed to another person. He needs time to fall in love with all the little parts of his MC (all of which he finds endearing uwu), to develop trust and see that his MC can handle him, too. He knows he’s...a lot...so he can’t really be comfortably intimate without having the other person see the best and worst of him. If MC can face his past with sensitivity and earnest concern--without being overwhelmed--then he will well and truly be a goner for them. That’s the thing about Jeanne: he needs time to feel comfortable with his decision, but when he has decided he’s one of the most devoted lovers in existence.

Given his necessity for security, he needs somebody who can see him at his most vulnerable without panicking and gently bring him back to himself--someone who doesn’t mind his wooden nature and difficulty expressing himself. I would say getting together would take at least a year and a half, at minimum. He needs somebody that, for all of his reticence and power, recognizes that he means absolutely no harm to anyone so long as they aren’t hurting him or anyone else. Under normal circumstances (rather than expedited ones), I imagine those difficult topics wouldn’t come up that quickly.

If we’re talking together as in hanky panky, I think it would take him a little while beyond that--but that would depend on his partner, too. If she needs time or doesn’t want it at all, he will wait any length of time or not engage at all. If she’s more desirous, he will engage faster and with more frequency. He likes being intimate and close to her, but would never insist on it if it made her unhappy.

Y = Yes (how would he propose to her?)

When it comes to Jeanne, I think his proposal would be simple, direct, and entirely expected--but no less heartfelt and deeply romantic. He’s a man of few words, but whatever he lacks in eloquence he makes up for in charged brevity. He doesn’t much understand the social conventions/expectations tied to marriage in this era (and he does not listen to Comte either) so I imagine it comes to him naturally in the course of being with her.

It’s a few years into their relationship, and he’s smiling because she’s dazzling--whether it’s humming in the garden, or staring at the stars, or curled up close to his heart in his shared room; he just knows. Whether it’s a sin, or unconventional, or something he doesn’t deserve--none of those things are strong enough to deter him anymore. He wants to be the one that she turns to always when in need, wants to protect everything that she is--a sweet beacon in a world where he knows how easily that kind of brave light is snuffed out. Honestly more than anything, she just makes him feel like it’s okay to hope again, that it’s okay to want good things for himself and the future. He was a soldier once branded a traitor, but that isn’t who he has to be anymore. Now he has a choice; he’s free to move forward however he wishes. She taught him that.

“MC?”

Bright eyes turn to him, smooth skin glowing in the moonlight beside him. She’s beautiful; he doesn’t think any amount of time will ever be enough to fully appreciate the blessing of her existence. As if she could hear his thoughts, she encourages him to share. She was always like that, always so perceptive and patient, no matter how much he struggled to articulate something. He much preferred the sound of her voice over his any day. “Is something on your mind, love? Something good happen today?”

He was fully aware he had none of the wit or charm that other men possessed, and while he wished he could be that for her--it simply wasn’t within his capabilities. So he used the words he understood best, following his direct nature: “Will you marry me?”

Her eyes widen a little, but the surprise is muted; it was more a matter of time than anything else. Even so her eyes glisten, and before he can try to calm her (her tears dissolved all his good sense, sent his heart into chaos), her arms are tight around him. He can hear her heart racing, even faster than his own.

“Of course I will! Yes, Jeanne!”

He’d hoped she wouldn’t hate the idea but her excitement, the tenderness that lingers in the way she cradles him close, makes him smile against her shoulder. His arms tighten around her, and he renews his vow to be her sword--the one and only man to protect her until the end of their days. (Yes, Mozart later drags his ass to the jeweler’s to get a proper ring 😂😂😂)

Z = Zen (what makes him feel calm?)

There are very few things in this life that bring Jeanne peace, but I think the highest things on that list would be MC’s voice/presence in general and his little babie Cherie (bonus points if the two are playing together, he just melts Mon Dieu 😭💖💖💖 ).

He’ll often ask MC to read to him, if she’s so inclined, when his literacy improves. He loves the soft sound of her voice, and he wants to keep improving on his ability to communicate with more clarity. It makes her so happy when he leaves her coherent notes and manages to convey his thoughts with greater accuracy, so it really motivates him to keep striving. He likes it even better when she gets really into a reading, doing silly voices or changing the dynamics of her voice to fit the piece’s mood. It makes him smile; so excitable and cute. Though alternatively, she could be reading the phone book for all he cares; it’s enough to soothe him right to sleep. Sometimes--and especially when he’s had bad nightmares, retraumatizations, or when he’s overstimulated--she’ll fit him gently in her lap and just talk until he falls asleep. She’ll sing, read, talk about things they’re looking forward to, talk about things she needs to do tomorrow, talk about silly shenanigans that happened in the mansion recently; anything that will bring him back to her and her love. It really works to center him, to situate him back in the present moment instead of rattling around in his own head.

It’s honestly much like the sea and the shore, though there may be tides--the water recedes and surges--she will always be there to meet him.

Cherie is his baby girl and such a sweet kitty that he can’t help but smile whenever she bounds over to him. A little ball of energy, he’s always getting her toys, toting her around, and petting her gently. Whenever Cherie and MC are together in front of him, his heart about explodes from the uwus of it all; they’re his most cherished ones, and he loves to see them get along. MC will usually be giggling and cooing at the pretty tiger, and Cherie soaks up the affection with obvious glee. Just watching them is enough to make his heart so light--he can’t think of anything else that makes him relax down to the marrow.

He will also find a lot of calm after lovemaking, which is something that surprises him--something he never expected. Jeanne has a hard time connecting with other people; not because he doesn’t care, but because emoting in conventional ways can be a challenge for him. He doesn’t have He Who Must Not Be Named’s charm, he doesn’t have Napoleon’s easy confidence, he doesn’t effuse Vincent’s natural warmth. He’s aware of how little he emits tangible humanity according to the perceptions of others. It leads to him feeling isolated everywhere he goes, even if people don’t particularly dislike him. Even so, his MC knows that for all his struggle to express himself, he possesses a deep, fiery wealth of emotion and passionate feeling. He cherishes her willingness be vulnerable alongside him; to embrace the good and the difficult parts of him in stride. He is left awestruck by the extent of her fervor and loving heart every single time, and in the aftermath he finds himself at such startling peace with his existence. No pain, no hollowing loneliness, no guilt, no intrusive thoughts--just her warm body against his, so trusting--as she sleeps. He’s grounded in the moment, he feels tethered to her, and he doesn’t know how to handle the full feeling in his chest, the way his heart feels too many sizes too big. He spends many nights adjusting to that feeling of fulfillment, reveling in this new boon--among the dozens she’s already given him. Will wonders never cease?

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp jean #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp hcs #ikevamp cherie #can you tell i would die for him LMFAO #such a loving and tender man beneath the battle-hardened veteran #he's deadly gap moe and we love that for us #also poor comte (though no purebloods were harmed in the making of this message)#OMG WAIT #DOES THAT MEAN #JEANNE HAS INVENTED #NETFLIX AND K I L L????#HAHAHAHAH OMFG

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cheri-translates · 5 years ago

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Whimsical Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Disney Dates Collection: Gavin // Kiro // Victor

The date begins with MC in the office at around 9pm

She has been working tirelessly on a program for about half a month

She’s worried and stressed because she can’t think of something innovative for her program

Lucien suddenly calls to ask if she’s still at work, and suggests that she sets her work aside and relax i.e. by going to the amusement park the next day

MC hesitates, but Lucien goes into science mode and tells her that her efficiency might actually decline if she keeps focusing on one single thing

MC caves in, and immediately feels happier <3

The next day, the weather looks fine and perfect

And then it suddenly starts POURING right when they are two streets away from the amusement park

Lucien covers her head with one hand, and pulls her hand with the other to find shelter from the rain

They end up outside a shop

Lucien: Come to think of it, our story seems to always be associated with rainy days.

[Note: I did this translation while listening to a Chinese gameplay commentary, and the commentator said, “Your story is associated with rainbows, but you just can’t see them...” T^T]

Lucien notices cute Disney character plushies in the window of the shop and smiles

Lucien: I think I can understand the meaning of this sudden rain.

Lucien: Perhaps it was meant to sound a prelude so that would come here.

Lucien: Since it’s still raining, why don’t we go in to take a look?

A pair of Mickey and Minnie plushies catch MC’s attention, but she can’t reach it. Lucien tries to get them for her, but he keeps grabbing the wrong ones 👀

Because she's trapped in between the shelf and Lucien’s fine chest, she turns into a Gavin i.e. her ears start flushing

Lucien finally gets the correct set:

Lucien: This pair?

MC nods vigorously, and says they can get one each

While saying this, I reach out to take Minnie from Lucien’s hands. However, Lucien suddenly retracts both hands.

MC: Eh?

Lucien sways the Minnie in his left hand lightly, then smiles faintly as he reaches out his right hand, which is holding Mickey.

Lucien: If possible, I actually prefer to keep her. If MC wants to use these dolls to represent the both of us... I’m thinking this would be more meaningful, right?

After hearing his words, I feel the temperature of my cheeks rising even further. I gently poke the doll in Lucien’s hand.

MC: [blushing] ...put these back first!

Lucien: Hm? Why?

Lucien raises his eyebrows slightly, his smile gentle and calm. There’s a hint of mischievousness in his narrow eyes.

MC: [blushing] There seems to be other styles over there. Let’s go and take a look!

With this, I turn around and run towards the other end of the plushie section. Behind me, I hear the sound of Lucien’s faint, low laughter.

By the time MC leaves the shop, the rain has reduced to a drizzle. Soon after, Lucien walks out of the shop too.

I walk up to grab Lucien’s hand, and swing it twice.

MC: Lucien, let’s go!

Lucien: Judging from your expression, you seem to be in a much better mood?

MC: It’s because even before I’ve done anything, the heavy rain has already run away!

Lucien: You’re not wrong. Even though we don’t have umbrellas, the rain has dissipated on its own. This is why even when you meet temporary difficulties, don’t blindly immerse yourself in the feeling of loss. Everything has a solution, am I wrong?

MC agrees, and they finally head to the amusement park, which is still as crowded as ever despite the rain

Lucien suggests that they try something different today - instead of being participants, they become observers

Lucien: Sometimes, people’s emotions have an influencing effect, especially in this place.

As they wander around aimlessly, MC feels delighted because she doesn’t have to consider what attraction to go for next, etc.

The smiling faces of the visitors, the vibrant colours, the colourful balloons, the inter-dimensional cartoon celebrities... I can more clearly feel the charm of the amusement park.

I also have his company at my side...

I turn my head, sneaking a peek at Lucien. Similar to what I was doing just now, he’s watching the visitors queuing up to take a picture with a cartoon celebrity.

As though noticing my line of sight, Lucien turns his head over, meeting my eyes directly.

Lucien: What’s wrong?

MC: Nothing!

I shake my head, but the corners of my lips curl up involuntarily. Suddenly, a colourful castle enters my vision. I point excitedly at the one which has a spire.

MC: Lucien, look at that castle! Isn’t it very pretty? Since young, I’ve always liked colourful castles with spires. I’ve even dreamt of them!

MC: I once dreamt that little monsters took over a castle, and I turned into a little super warrior, bravely sending those monsters running!

MC: The moment the monsters disappeared, there were colourful rivers of light outside the castle.

Lucien blinks slowly, then his eyes bend at a nice angle.

Lucien: Sounds like it was a righteous yet intriguing dream.

I purse my lips and smile, then look at my surroundings.

MC: We seem to have walked around the entire park. Let’s go for the attractions!

Lucien: All right. I’ll have to trouble MC to be my guide.

Immersed in the joyful atmosphere, I even forget the time. When I come back to my senses, I realise that the sky has started to darken, and the rain has long since stopped.

MC: It’s already 6pm...

Lucien: After this, do you want to have something to eat and have a rest, or continue playing?

MC: Let me think...

The lights in the park start flickering on one by one and MC decides to bring Lucien to the spinning teacup ride

MC asks if Lucien finds the light installations pretty

Lucien: When I’m with you, it seems I can always discover a different scenery.

All of a sudden, there are dazzling lights in the sky.

[Note: The original word used here is “流光”, which can mean (1) “rivers of light” (like an aurora...?), or (2) streamers (i.e. party confetti). I picked the “rivers of light” interpretation because it seems more appropriate. But I’m really not sure which one the writers are referring to so please don’t scold me if it turns out to be party confetti LOL]

MC: Too perfect... we were just talking about rivers of light just now, but I never thought that we’d see them. It’s so magical!

Lucien stands next to me. His expression is calm as he lifts his head to look at the lights. Then, he leans down slightly.

He laughs lightly, and I feel his warm breath brush against my cheeks, as tender as a feather.

Lucien: In the amusement park, nothing is impossible. That includes the whimsical lights in your dream.

Hearing his words, I’m left stunned. In the next second, a thought flashes across my mind.

MC: ...! Lucien, did you...?

With a sudden realisation, I look at him, my eyes filled with disbelief. Lucien doesn’t say anything. He just smiles faintly and straightens a finger to do a “shh” posture.

I was right! These lights were created by Lucien!

-- in order to complete the whimsical dream I once had.

Lucien rubs the top of my head, the corners of his lips turned upwards slightly, the colours in his eyes tender.

Before he retracts his hand, I hurriedly hold onto it, and then entwine my fingers with his.

MC: ...Lucien, thank you.

I originally planned to say even more, but my eyes are drawn to the couple in front of us.

They are lifting a Mickey doll in their hands, happily taking a selfie with the almost vanishing lights as a keepsake.

Thinking about how we ended up not buying the dolls from the shop just now, I suddenly feel slightly envious, and a little regretful towards my earlier decision.

Lucien: What are you thinking about?

MC: ...N-nothing much.

Following my line of sight, Lucien’s eyes sweep towards the couple in front of us, then holds my hand to walk forward.

Lucien: Let’s go, it’s almost our turn.

They ride the spinning teacup

MC confesses how she feels:

MC: I regret not taking photos of those beautiful lights, and regret...

I bite my lip, letting out a light sigh. At this moment, a low laugh travels to my ears. Lucien turns his face over, drawing nearer to me.

He pinches the tip of my nose gently.

Lucien: Do you still feel regret now?

MC: Eh?

Before I can react, Lucien takes out a pair of dolls from behind his back. It was the pair we saw at the shop!

My eyes widen in surprise, and I have no idea what to say.

Lucien: After you left the shop first in the afternoon, I bought them.

Lucien: As for why they could appear here, it’s thanks to the enthusiastic helpers in the shop.

Lucien: As for your other regret... want to take a photo?

Without waiting for me to react again, Lucien suddenly places the dolls into my arms and takes out his phone.

“Kacha” “Kacha”

Facing me, he takes several photos.

MC: ...eh, are you going to create more rivers of light?

I take the phone from him in confusion. After swiping through the photos, I realise that the photos only feature me, looking silly while holding the plushies.

MC: Why am I the only one in the photos... I even thought you’d capture the lights!

I purse my lips, pretending to be unhappy. Even so, the gradual heating up of my ears reveal my inner happiness.

Lucien laughs and sits even closer to me, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

His body temperature seeps through his shirt, travelling from my arm to the depths of my heart.

I lift my head to look at Lucien. Neon lights flash across his face, casting a reflection in his eyes.

In the midst of the mottled, changing lights, I can clearly see a tiny me.

Lucien brushes my hair which has been messed up by the wind, then places a hand on my back, speaking in a low voice.

Lucien: Only you. Only the time spent with you are worth treasuring forever.

His warm breath lingers on the tip of my nose. He gazes at me tenderly. In that moment, my heartstrings are tugged, as though making contact with electricity.

The surrounding scenery and neon lights follow the movement of the spinning cup and continuously change. Only the starlight above us remains bright.

However, no matter how beautiful these lights are, they can’t compare to the tiny universe in Lucien’s eyes - the ones that reflect me in them.

MC: ...it’s the same for me.

Hugging a doll each, Lucien and I are nestled together quietly. As the music gradually reaches an end, the speed of the spinning teacups also slows down.

As though noticing my reluctance, Lucien suddenly asks.

Lucien: I wonder if MC’s “battery” is fully charged? As compared to the library, isn’t the relaxation from this trip to the amusement park even more fruitful?

MC: You’re right! My entire body is full of energy! Tomorrow, I can definitely welcome the new day of work with vitality!

Looking at my brilliant smile, the corner of Lucien’s lips curl upwards as well.

Lucien: In that case, it’s my turn to gain energy.

After saying this, he takes my hand in his once again, pressing his forehead against mine. His eyes drift shut.

In our arms, Mickey and Minnie’s foreheads are also leaning against each other.

As though energy could really transfer from my body to his, the space between Lucien’s eyebrows smoothens out, and his expression is one of a rare, complete state of relaxation.

I close my eyes too, feeling my throbbing heartbeat and his body temperature. Our skin is tightly pressed together, allowing our breaths to gradually mingle.

Perhaps more magical than the amusement park is Lucien - a miraculous existence.

As long as I’m by his side, I am always surrounded by happiness and joy.

Lucien’s Post: The amusement park at night seems to possess an even more unique charm.

MC: I think so too!

Lucien: Perhaps next time, we can consider staying here overnight.

Lucien’s Post: The amusement park at night seems to possess an even more unique charm.

MC: Eh? What charm?

Lucien: I feel very close to you.

Lucien’s Post: The amusement park at night seems to possess an even more unique charm.

MC: It’d be great if today never ends.

Lucien: Even if it ends, it will remain in our hearts.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc lucien

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ilguna · 4 years ago

Text

Metanoia - Chapter Sixteen (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 8.8k

Warnings; swearing, mention of murder

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

“You’re still sure you want to do this?” Finnick asks, you give him a look.

“If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to. Feel free to join Katniss’ star squad.” you snort at the name of it, “Boggs already made us the offer and said we can change our minds at any time up until we leave.”

“I remember.” Finnick says, he grips his shiny, new trident in his hand tightly, before deciding that he might as well strap it to his body so he’s not carrying it around everywhere, “I just thought you might want to back out is all.”

You roll your eyes, “The day I back out of anything, is the day I’m a coward.”

“I’m Commander Paylor of District Eight.” Paylor begins, Finnick’s head immediately snaps up to see her, you practically already have Paylor’s speech memorized, “I’m a soldier like all of you so, here’s what I know. For the first time in our lifetimes, we’re standing together with thirteen districts. From what I see here, we’ve already made history.”

The clapping starts first, the cheering is a second behind. There’s a shitload of people here. No only in the streets, but on the rooftops too. Volunteers from every district have been flown in, leading up to this moment. What you did yesterday, really opened up a ton of opportunities.

“But history doesn’t stop to celebrate, and we’re facing an enemy that will not change and will never surrender. President Snow has pulled back peacekeepers to fortify the center of the city. He’s evacuating residents from outer blocks, these civilians will be confused and desperate. You are under orders not to target them.”

Paylor motions to the crowd, “We’re deploying medical brigades to help anyone in need. We’ll show the Capitol people who we are.” she motions to the live screen behind her of a map, “To slow our advance, President Snow is building a minefield of traps and lethal devices called ‘pods’. The sadistic inventions of gamemakers meant to make sport of our deaths.

“If our armies make it past peacekeepers and other defenses, we’ll converge in the center of the city at Snow’s mansion, where we won’t just unlock his gates, but unshackle all of Panem.” The crowd cheers again, “If we die, let it be for a cause and not a spectacle. If we succeed, let it be for all of panem, and let it be forever.

“Yes, you’ve already made history. But the future--our future--starts tomorrow at dawn, when we march together into the Capitol.”

The cheering resumes, and you give a quick glance to Katniss and Gale, curious to see how they’re taking all of this. Gale came into District Two a little after you had left--he was on a hovercraft full of volunteers--and Katniss came over this morning as a stowaway on another volunteer hovercraft.

She’s been insisting to help this entire time, not wanting to sit back. However, she’s going to be in for a nasty surprise when she realizes that she’s the top priority. Her squad is going to do anything to keep her safe--which is exactly why you’ve decided not to join the star squad.

You’ve already had the misfortune of being in on protecting her once, and that was enough for you. You might not have known every single detail, but the intentions were pretty clear. You’re just surprised that it took so long for Katniss to realize that she was the priority.

Also, the problem with the star squad is that they’re not front lines. Katniss can’t be killed, otherwise the revolution dies or whatever. So, Boggs told you that they’re going to give the volunteers a head start, and then they’ll follow behind. No matter what happens, the squad will still have to be careful of pods and whatnot, but most of them will be taken out by the volunteers by the time the squad leaves the base.

In other words--they’re not going to get any action. Katniss is still going to be filmed, but it’s practically useless in your mind. Her setting off pods or standing patriotically in front of things isn’t going to do much. She’s not leading anyone, she’s following behind people.

Which is a whole other reason why you’re up front: you’re not a follower, you’re a leader.

As Paylor gets back to her speech, giving more information, you grab a hold of Finnick’s arm, and start to pull him out of the crowd. Trying to navigate through is hard at first, until the volunteers see the look on your face, or recognize who you are. After that, a path just wide enough for you and Finnick to fit through, forms.

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere but here, we were already briefed.” you say, and the second you’re out of the crowd, you let Finnick go.

Bouncing on your toes, you twirl around a bit, “Tomorrow, huh? Too bad it can’t be today.”

“We’ll probably be introduced to our squad at least.” Finnick says, “You know where to go?”

“What kind of moronic question is that?” you ask, heading to the building that Lyme said would be the meet up spot for you guys, “Of course I know.”

Lyme and Boggs had approached both you and Finnick. Either you could join Katniss’ star squad, protect her, befriend her, trust her--whatever. You guys would have a chance of being on television, and maybe even share some glory of ‘being brave and marching to the Capitol’. In your opinion, it looks like Coin just wants to put two of her best faces together to make you look like a team.

Especially after what you said to the people inside of the tunnel, you basically discredited Katniss in the worst way possible. By saying that she can’t relate to them, because she doesn’t get it. You said what you said, you weren’t lying to their faces. If Coin wants to think that, then she can because she’s psychotic anyway.

Anyway, Lyme said that you could go to the front lines. Like you said, Coin doesn’t control you, because you aren’t the one leading the masses--Katniss is. If you want to go ahead and clear out streets for the medical brigades, then you can go nuts with it. You’ll get your own personalized squad that Lyme thinks will get along with you, and then you’re free to go tomorrow.

You’ll have your own pod-tracker, a map to follow, food and water, weapons, etc. But this just means that you’re going to be in danger with every step you take. The pod-tracker, which is actually called the Holo, will be as updated as can be, tomorrow. However, if any new pods appear, you won’t really know until it’s too late.

You received all of this news pretty well. You’re used to being in places you’re not welcome at. You’re pretty agile, you can fight well, you’re not too bad when it comes to leading a group. And if you get killed on the way, what a noble way to go out.

As for Finnick, you could just tell that this isn’t what he thought it was going to be. You don’t know what he expected exactly, but it wasn’t a whole ton of danger all wrapped up in one big city. Seeing the Capitol as dangerous is a comedy. To you two, it’s been sparkle and shimmer for as long as you can remember.

Combining the pretty idea of it, and the idea that the gamemakers have not held back with what will go on with traps--isn’t a fun thought. Especially not for you, since you’re the one who’s seen it as glamour the entire time. Finnick… you’re not too sure. He definitely doesn’t have good memories either, but he also got his shitload of secrets from there, so you’re not entirely sure.

You know that he’s pro-rebellion though. That’s obvious by now.

Back to what you were saying, Boggs and Lyme both offered sides to it. Follow Katniss around and not be in direct danger all the time, or have your own squad and be face-to-face with danger. She liked to describe it as ‘death breathing down your neck’.

You already promised a lot of people that you wouldn’t be taking the cowards way out. And like you’ve said already; you don’t want to be in the star squad.

While the entire interaction was happening, it was obvious that Finnick was hoping you would change your mind. Like everything that you’ve done up until now has been one entire joke.

He’ll realize just how real it’ll all be as soon as tomorrow comes. When the deal with Boggs no longer stands and you have to go with Lyme no matter what.

Actually, you wouldn’t have to go with her. You would be able to just stay in District Two, while all the volunteers do your dirty work.

“Remember any of the names that she told us?” You ask Finnick, looking at him.

He’s got his thumbs looped into the straps of the bulletproof vest he’s wearing. He thinks for a moment, and then makes a face, “Not really.”

You shrug, “Not a problem, I’ve got a way around seeming rude.”

Finnick laughs, “You care about that?”

“They’re going to be the ones saving our necks, so yeah.” You say, cracking your knuckles, “They’re not a bunch of victors that I can mouth off to. They’re regular people, they won’t understand and will end up taking it personally.”

“Critical thinking.” Finnick mocks.

If you didn’t have all this armor on, you’d spin around and kick his ass. Even then, he might be able to win. When you two were putting the outfits on, he looked like none of the weight fazed him. As for you, your knees nearly buckled.

On top of the armor are the backpacks, and then your fancy weapons, and a hundred other things inside of the backpacks. It makes it all so heavy, and your shoulders had begun to ache after a while.

The only reason why you’re still wearing it—because in no way was it required to be worn—is because you want to get used to the feeling of it all. It’s why you continue to move around quickly, bounce on your toes, spin in circles and all of that. You’re trying to fix your balance.

If Finnick had tried to push you over when you first put all this weight on, you would have stumbled and fell. Now, you’ve begun to get a hang of it all, it’s not nearly as bad as you thought it was.

You two make it to the abandoned building. The upper floor is caved in, the windows are gone and if the ground shakes, concrete debris will come through the cracks. Definitely not a safe place to be at, but the entire district is fucked up like this. It’s not really a huge surprise.

The inside of the building is relatively empty, except for some furniture. Finnick waits by the door while you head inside, stealing two chairs--one in each arm--as you leave the house. If the place collapses, you’d rather be on the outside, not the entire.

Finnick takes his chair from you, and the two of you set up camp outside. You have to shed the backpack before you sit. Then, you unbuckle the bulletproof vest and drop it onto the dirt next to you, leaning back in the chair.

“Have you ever actually gone to war before?” Finnick asks.

“There’s always a first time for everything.” you give him a pretty smile, “Don’t be so negative about it, you’re going to imagine bad things and then get us killed.”

Finnick pauses for a moment, letting what you said sit, and then he moves on, “Are you doing okay?”

You watch his face, looking for mockery. It takes a moment of you squinting and watching the corner of his lips for you to decide. He’s being sincere about it, he actually cares.

You relax, “I’m still mourning, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Finnick is just as relieved as you are, “Are you throwing yourself into this because of her?”

“I’m doing this because I promised those people that I would.”

“You keep saying that, but you don’t owe them anything--” Finnick tries.

You squint at him again, but this time it’s a very clear glare. Finnick shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and you resist to kick out the weakest leg that’s barely holding his weight.

“They are my people.” you lean forward, “I might not know their names, but they’re District Two. They are the people that I grew up with. They look up to us, they depend on us victors. Of course I owe them, and you do too.”

Finnick doesn’t bother with saying anything else, and it’s probably for the best. It’s only a few minutes later when you see people approaching. After that, you sit up in your chair, uncrossing your legs as you lean on your knees with your elbows.

“You must be (Y/n) and Finnick.” a girl with blonde, curled hair says, “I’m Hydri.”

You get to your feet, holding out your hand, “Nice to meet you.

“This is Taurus,” she motions to a tall man with black hair. There’s tattoos snaking up his neck, and they’re peeking out from beneath his sleeves, “And Alioth.”

Alioth is around average height. He gives a small smile and raises his hand as a greeting. His hair is blonde too, and it’s a style that was most definitely taken out of the Capitol’s stylists books. The sides are shaved but they have intricate designs in them.

“Let me guess, you two are from District Two?” you ask, shaking Taurus’ hand, and then Alioths.

“Not me.” Hydri smiles kindly, “Taurus is from District One, though. He was nearly in the games once.”

“It’s a good thing I wasn’t, you would have wiped the floor with my body.” Taurus says, his voice is pretty deep.

“No shit.” you laugh, “I always heard about the runner-up from District One, but I never got to see who you were.”

Taurus cracks a smile.

Finnick moves around you to greet them just the same as you did. Then, the conversation shifts to what you’re all really here for--what happens tomorrow.

The entire thing is very friendly, you all go over what you’ll be having inside the backpacks, and the difference between them. Just so that if one of you get hurt or killed, the others will know if the backpack is worth taking or not. While you’re talking, you learn that Alioth will be carrying mostly medical stuff. He’s got food and ammo for himself, but when he opens his backpack and shows it to you guys, you can see exactly what he means.

To have him get killed would be bad. You all have basic medical training, from the games or otherwise. But Alioth’s been studying it for years now since he got out of high school. He originally wanted to sign up for the medical brigade that will be sent out of District Two, but Paylor thought it would be better for him to come with you guys.

Taurus has got the basic prep-games training that you guys get in the academies, so he’ll be a pretty good fighter. Another person you guys wouldn’t want to lose, and yet he tells you all that he doesn’t care if you lean on him. It’s what he’s here for.

As for Hydri, she’s purely for organization. She’s been studying the maps for the last few days, so she’ll be able to keep you from getting lost and from getting off-track. You’ll be able to meet up around Snow’s mansion in the center city. They’ve already marked a building that’s not really used, so it’s the perfect place to go.

After a while, the conversation starts to get a bit dull, and it’s also around the same time that the sun has set. So, you tell them all that you and Finnick are going to grab dinner and head to where you’re staying for the night. Tomorrow, you five will be meeting up in a separate designated spot to receive the Holo, and then hop on a truck to be brought to the city.

Then, you’ll be fighting for your life. Again.

You turn the Holo over in your hand, looking at it carefully.

“Don’t break it, we could barely even spare you this one.” the lady tells you.

You look at her, raising your head to be level with her face. Finnick--sensing a showdown--steps in, “Thank you.”

He tries to drag you away, but you keep your stance for a moment, “Lyme personally requested it for me, so you aren’t sparing jack shit. Go fuck yourself.” without missing a beat, you take the Holo from her fingers, mock a smile and say, “I mean, have a nice day.”

You and Finnick leave the table after that, heading over to your group. They’re pulling on the last of their outfits, readjusting straps and buckling up. Taurus is messing around with Alioth slightly while Hydri watches.

They act like they’ve known each other forever, despite the fact that you’re all from varying districts. Taurus is from one, while you and Alioth are from two. Finnick is from four, and Hydri is from District Six. So far, you seem to like them. But they’re obviously a little apprehensive when it comes to you.

You don’t take it personally anymore.

“Got the Holo?” Hydri asks.

You lift it up for her to see, “We’re all good to go.”

“It’s already set up?” Taurus asks.

“Bitch at the booth taught me.”

Taurus snorts, “Let’s go then.”

Hydri leads the way, with Alioth right by her. Taurus hands back with you and Finnick during the walk. For them, it’s not quiet, but for you, it is.

At first, you’re looking at the groups of people getting ready to go to the trucks. And then your eyes wander a little further to where the tents are on the base. From where you are right now, you have a perfect line of sight to where Boggs is standing, talking to some woman, around them stands a few other people.

“How many people do you think have going with Katniss?” you ask.

“Remember when I ran off this morning?” Finnick asks, you nod but don’t look at him, “Went to talk to Boggs. Katniss has got her camera crew from District Thirteen with her, Gale, and the other five.”

“Huh.” you shift your gaze to the trucks, watching some of them take off. Then, it clicks in your head. Five, Katniss, Gale, and the four from the camera crew, “eleven people?”

“Yup. That’ll be a nightmare.” Finnick mutters, “Katniss is probably planning her escape at this exact moment.”

“And it would have been thirteen if we went with them.” you whistle, “There’s no safety in numbers. They’re all going to end up dead.”

Taurus turns his head a little in your direction, you can see the scowl on his face. Yet, he doesn’t ask any questions and just lets what you said slide. He doesn’t look like the confrontational type, but when he does, it’s when he’s pushed the edge. He just has that air about him.

“You really think that?” Finnick asks.

You look at him, “Thirteen people, all with different ambitions and minds of their own. All it would take is for one person to mess up, and the rest are dead. Especially since we’re walking into a minefield.”

Shaking your head, you turn the Holo in your hand, “Katniss will be lucky if she makes it past the first round of pods.”

“You hate her that much, huh?” Taurus finally pitches in, but he doesn’t look at you.

“I don’t hate her, and I don’t loathe her either. She should’ve stayed in District Thirteen, but it’s too late for that now.” you glance behind you to where Boggs is, one final time before they’re finally out of sight.

Boggs seems to be staring at you too, and when he realizes you’re looking back, he raises his hand. You stutter to do the same--mostly because you’re surprised at the action--but you do it, nonetheless. After, a building blocks the view, and you’re forced to go back to focusing on the trucks.

Hydri leads you right to an armoured truck. She knocks on the door once or twice, and then steps back as she waits for them to swing open. It takes a moment, but they do. On the inside, there’s already a couple of people sitting inside on the right. The guy who answered, takes a seat to the right again.

Hydri moves aside, a bright smile on her face as she motions for you guys to go inside. Alioth doesn’t hesitate, with one hand grabbing the bar to the left, and him taking one big step to get himself up. Then, he moves right on back. When Taurus gets up there, he doesn’t struggle with the step as much as Alioth had.

Finnick goes in before you, but he doesn’t sit down right away, instead offering his hand. You grab the bar with your left hand, and his hand with your right. Working together, he pulls you into the truck with no problem. Then, he offers the same courtesy to Hydri, but makes sure she doesn’t get the seat right next to you.

“Thanks.” you mutter, closing your eyes as you lean your head back.

“Anytime.”

Alioth must’ve leaned forward to talk to the driver through the window or something, because the truck gets moving after that. The ride is relatively bumpy at the start, since the trucks had been parked in gravel, but it smoothes out once you’re on the cement.

“Are we getting dropped off in the same spot?” Hydri asks.

“No, we’re earlier than you guys are. Trying to spread out and all.”

“That’s what I thought. At least Paylor knows what she’s doing.” Hydri sighs.

“Did you hear about Lyme?” Taurus asks.

“She’s fine.” Hydri says, “(Y/n) saw her this morning, it was just a scratch. Lyme will be back on her feet, and she might even join us in the center circle.”

“If we make it that far.”

Taurus sighs too, and the conversation between the two groups ends right there.

A while later, there’s some rustling around, making you open your eyes to see what’s going on exactly. The group across from you is getting their backpacks and weapons ready.

They’re talking amongst themselves, mostly about where the nearest pod is going to be the moment they stop off. It’s too bad that they won’t be able to locate where exactly, all they know is that it exists somewhere.

The truck comes to a slow stop, Hydri helps the other girl open the door, and she holds it open so it’s easier for the second group to leave. The other girl says a thank you, and then the doors are shut again.

Taurus and Hydri move to the other bench to make it more comfortable between you five. And Hydri just opens her mouth to say something, when there’s an explosion. For a moment, you think it’s okay, until the truck teeters, and then tips. Unfortunately, it’s in yours, Finnick’s and Alioth’s direction.

There’s not much you can do.

Butterflies swarm in your stomach. A scream rises to your throat. You reach out to grab something--anything.

Your fingers just barely latch onto the edge of the bench, but you hang onto it.

Your back slams against the truck painfully, but your head is cushioned. While you’re staring at what used to be the wall, which is now the ceiling, something slams into the metal next to you.

You look over to your right, trying to see who it is. Finnick is in your way though, and he’s already getting to his elbows, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” you tell him, sitting up and scooting back. Finnick had cushioned your head with his arm--you’re not sure if that was on purpose or if he was flailing just like you were.

Hydri is on her hands and knees next to Finnick, it just means she went flying towards you guys. At least she’s breathing and awake. Taurus is in the dip of the floor, sitting because he can’t stand. And with a look to Alioth, he gives a thumbs up to you.

“Get the doors open.” you tell Taurus, unbuckling the backpack from your body, and then you lean down and grab the Holo.

You turn it on, squinting at it through blurry vision. You blink a couple of times, watching as the device comes to life, and the orange dots take over the blue landscape. The nearest pod is about a hundred feet away--so they couldn’t have set off that one.

The doors slam open, and Taurus reaches for your backpack. He carefully drops it on the outside, eyes glued to the flames that are engulfing a building.

“New pod.” You say, “They ran into one of the new ones.”

You get up with the help of Taurus, not waiting for anyone else. After you slide out, you land on your feet harshly. Another look to the Holo shows an orange dot where the fire is.

“Figures.” you say, picking up the backpack and slinging it over your shoulder.

“(Y/n)--stop!” Finnick’s voice is hard, “What if there’s another?”

You turn around for a moment, “Did you not see what just happened? What if--”

There’s a blast of heat, and then the sound follows. You make a face, but don’t cover your ears as you look to where you were heading.

A second pod has been set off, and one of the people that were inside of the truck, now struggles to put the fire out. They flail, dancing around like they don’t know what they’re doing. Then, they shed the backpack, and the jacket--which are both charcoal black now--until they eventually sink to their knees, since the flamethrower is still targeting them, following their every move.

You open your mouth as if words will form, but all you feel is your hot breath on your lips as you breathe out.

“Are there any survivors?” Alioth asks, rocks crunching beneath his feet.

“They’re all dead.” Taurus says, “We should check on the drivers--”

“Alive!” Hydri calls, which makes you all turn, “But the driver’s got a head wound from the airbag.

Alioth doesn’t care, he goes ahead and checks them out anyway. You go from staring at the fire to looking at the path you took to get here. It would be a long walk back, and even then there’s no guarantee that Boggs will take you back. Or if you’ll make it in time.

“What are you thinking?” Finnick asks.

You reach up with your right hand, grabbing the left backpack strap as you tilt your head for a moment, “That we better be careful where we step from now on.”

Those two explosions that the second group had set off, might have been the first to happen, but they weren’t the last. It was just the beginning of the chain, that probably won’t end until the last volunteer travels through the Capitol.

The gamemakers were smart with their placement--you just have to admit it. They chose the very outskirts of the city, knowing full well that there would be a ton of volunteers that wouldn’t suspect a goddamn thing. You all were expecting the pods to be further into the city, not lining the outering of it.

It’s clear why they did it though, when those first pods went off, it was an indicator that you guys were now coming into the city. It was a way for all those peacekeepers to gear up and find a place to hide until a group of volunteers came through the streets. It would also let Snow know that he should probably be pulling back his citizens a little more forcefully, now.

And not only all of that, but the fact that they’d also know that you were all going in from different directions. Different starting points to offer different advantages. Of course, it also has its disadvantages. You’re having to set off the first pods, rather than walking through a street that’s completely clear already.

The gamemakers don’t care enough to set up the pods again, they’ve got worse things to worry about. Like predicting when you’ll all make it there, and trying to spot the places you hide during the night. For them, it’s going to be a fun game of paranoia that won’t stop until you’re right in their face.

They won’t have a clue either. Not after what Paylor said earlier, with different ways to hide yourself in a crowd. You might not be allowed to antagonize the Capitol citizens, but you’re definitely allowed to raid their wardrobes. Especially the ones that have houses that are already trashed.

If you dress like the citizens, do some crazy fucking makeup to alter your face, and figure out the accent and walk, you’re practically golden. There’s no way that they’ll really be able to tell it's you. If they end up asking for ID, all you have to do is make up some lame excuse about leaving the house in a hurry.

More or less, problem solved.

Until then, you’re all traveling through the streets, just trying not to get caught in the middle of a trap.

“Pod?” Taurus asks, looking back at you.

You hold the Holo up, staring down at the blue for a moment. The next orange dot seems to be miles away, “Not from what I can tell. Just go carefully.”

Taurus goes first, making you guys wait a couple of seconds before following him. In case there is a trap, there will be a few feet between you guys and him, allowing time for escape. It was his idea, it’s not like any of you forced it on him.

“Take a right.” Hydri says, “These alleys are confusing, but it’s our better shot. The main streets are a minefield, aren’t they (Y/n)?”

You shake your head, holding up the Holo for her to see, “Not really, the nearest one might be on the street but--”

“Stop!” Finnick yells to Taurus.

Finnick pushes his way up to you and Hydri, basically pressed against your back as he leans forward to point out the pods, “Right there, see? It’s so faint that we can’t see it.”

“The faint ones are supposed to be the ones that have already been triggered.” you tell Finnick, “It’s what that lady told me.”

“But we’re the first ones through here.” Alioth says, “That can’t be possible.”

While you all stand and stare, thinking up a million possibilities as to why this is happening, your eyes are searching the alleyway for a trigger. If Finnick is right about it being a pod, it’s here, in this little maze of backstreets. You all could be beneath it, on top of it, around the corner from it…

The brick wall of the alley is relatively clean, no one has been through here in awhile. The trash cans that are tucked away have genuinely begun to collect dust. If you were to swipe your finger on top of one of the lids, then you’ll get a thick layer of it on your finger.

This part of the city has long since been deserted. Not only because it was the first to be evacuated, but even worse than that. The gamemakers must have made them leave weeks before the day they thought you’d all be coming through here.

So, there’s definitely something in here.

“How close is the nearest one?” Taurus asks, he hasn’t moved from where he stopped, and that’s probably a good thing.

You move Finnick out of the way with one hand as you look behind you guys, eyes squinted as you search the walls for anything out of place. It has to be subtle, because that’s the way the gamemakers have it in the Holo. They must have figured out a way to hack into them or something.

“What is it?” Finnick asks.

You shush him, eyes sweeping the wall behind him. Brick after brick until--

“Cameras.” You say, pointing at it, “That means peacekeepers, guys.” you turn back to Hydri, “Give me the nearest building that should be safe to hide in.”

“Uh--” Hydri shakes her head for a moment, flipping open the map. She’s obviously trying not to freak out as she runs a finger over the alleyway and into the street, “--yeah, okay. I’ll lead.”

She zips past you, Finnick and Alioth and heads straight for Taurus, showing him the way. The two of them don’t hesitate with walking, which means that you guys shouldn’t either. However, you can’t help but reach into a spare pocket, holding out a throwing knife that Beetee had made for you.

“Fuckers.” you throw.

It lands straight into the glass lens. It won’t be able to watch you now, but that means nothing. The peacekeepers know you guys are here, and that’s all that matters.

Finnick turns to check where you are, but you’ve already caught up to him and Alioth.

“Quick thinking.” Finnick says.

“I could say the same about you.”

Hydri brings you guys around a series of corners. It reminds you of the streets of District Two for a moment by how confusing it is the first time you go through. But then you realize there’s a whole pattern to it. That doesn’t mean you had expected where Hydri would bring you guys.

A metal door. Taurus automatically thinks it’s locked, so he goes to kick it in, but Hydri shakes her head and presses a finger to her lips, “Listen.” she whispers.

The five of you all take a moment to try and listen, watching as Hydri pulls out a lockpick, sticking it straight into the lock and beginning to work her magic. It takes a moment of listening to hear it, but then the sound gets considerably louder.

It’s a truck. It’s a truck full of peacekeepers, and they’re not actually coming on foot. There’s going to be a lot more of them than you originally anticipated.

The others must be thinking the same as you because Taurus’ face drops, Finnick pales a little and Alioth opens his mouth to speak, yet nothing comes out. It takes another second before Hydri has popped the door open, and she heads in first, crouched down.

Taurus waits at the door, Finnick shoves you in next, and you go in crouched. Alioth follows, then Finnick, then Taurus--who shuts the door quietly and then locks it again. Hydri is still crouched by the door, waiting for you and Taurus to go up first to evaluate.

None of you actually know what the hell this building is, and by the sound of marching, you’re not going to have much time to figure it out. You and Taurus stop by the same place beneath the counter, and you place your knee against the ground as you squeeze your eyes shut.

This is bad. This is so bad.

You’ve encountered plenty of pods, but those have been relatively easy to bypass. They’re not as dangerous as a squad of peacekeepers are. You set off a pod, the pod is completely done. But peacekeepers? You have to kill each one individually or squeeze your way out.

Escaping them is going to be damn near impossible with five people, especially with a truck full of peacekeepers and god knows if there’s cameras inside of here too.

“Hey,” Finnick says, coming over, “Breathe, it’s going to be fine.”

Right after, there’s a slam on the door behind you guys, and the voices of peacekeepers just outside the building. You look over at Finnick, “Does this look fine to you?”

“I don’t know the layout of the houses, only the streets.” Hydri whispers.

You take a deep breath and another moment of complete silence, before you begin to waddle your way around Taurus. When he goes to stop you, you forcefully push him back, and look at the others.

“Wait.”

You go all the way around the counters, peeking your head around the corner to see the peacekeepers and the actual layout of the building you’re inside. It takes a moment for you to see, and then realize that you’re inside a whole apartment building. There’s a staircase nearby, you guys can go up that as far as it goes…

“Hydri, are there fire escapes?” you ask, looking back.

She nods quickly, and so you motion for them to follow. The pounding on the back door has not only gotten louder, but they’ve begun to cave the metal in from the force they’re using. As for out front--you have no clue what’s going on there.

You lead them all to the staircase, Taurus insists on taking up the back since he can’t have the front. You go up one floor, and then a second, then a third, and then a fourth. The entire way, you’re jiggling door knobs, trying to find one that’s unlocked. If you can run up the fire escape, that would be much easier.

On the fifth floor, you find one single door unlocked, and without a care as to why, you rush everyone inside. It’s only when you go to see for yourself, you freeze where you stand.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” Finnick starts first.

The Capitol citizens are sitting on their couch, enjoying their tea. The woman just barely has the cup in her hold, and her hand is shaking.

“My name is (Y/n) Rosecelli, do you recognize the name?”

“Yes.” The man says, standing from where he sits, “What are you doing in my house--”

You ignore him, “You shouldn’t be here. You should have gone with everyone else when you evacuated, because the entire city is full of traps.”

As you make your way around the windows, you find the one with a fire escape. It’s above the alleyway, but it’ll have to work. The door you came in downstairs just blew. You pop it open, letting Hydri and Alioth go out first.

“We mean no harm.” you tell them, “We’re just trying to get away. When the peacekeepers come up here, urge them to get you out of here.”

“Why should we?” he demands.

You’re reaching forward, grabbing Finnick’s sleeve as you make him go before you.

“Because if you even step foot into the streets, you’ll die.” you hand the Holo off to Finnick.

“Go.” Taurus tells you, “I’ll go out last.”

The others are already going up the metal staircase, you can hear their rapid feet. The only person that hasn’t started moving yet is Finnick.

“Please.” you look at the woman, “I’m telling you it’s not safe here, not even for us.”

You go through the window, and just as Taurus comes over, you can hear the voices and the dozen pairs of footsteps too. Taurus gives one look to the door, then back to the window. You reach your hand out like you’re going to pull him through, but he slams the window shut instead.

As he’s reaching for the curtains, the automatic is in his hands. He tilts his head at you, like he’s telling you to run while you can. Then, the fabric covers the window, and you can hear the first slam into the door.

“Go.” you tell Finnick, pushing him, “I said go!”

Finnick gets moving after that, flying up the staircase faster than you can. He takes them two at a time, and at every landing, he looks back to make sure you’re following. Finnick just barely gets to the ladder when you hear the first bullet leave the gun, and following are the screams.

He’s just barely up far enough when you begin going. At the top waiting is Alioth and Hydri, reaching out to yank Finnick up the last couple of rungs. When you get up there, Finnick takes you all by himself.

At the top of the roof, you take a moment to catch your breath.

“Where’s Taurus?” Hydri asks, looking between you and Finnick.

“Dead.” you tell her, moving along the top of the roof to find a way out. The gap between roof to roof is narrow, you could take this jump in your sleep, “He couldn’t get through the window in time, so he stayed back to help us, but we’re not out of the woods yet.”

You pull yourself on top of the safety wall on the roof, getting to your feet. You shed the backpack, curse the bulletproof vest for getting in the way, and then you throw. The backpack clears the wall without a problem, and you look back at the others.

“We have to keep moving.” you insist.

You back up as much as you can afford, preparing for the jump.

“(Y/n)--!” Finnick yells.

You throw yourself forward in a run, taking the leap. The second roof is a little lower, which is perfect, you land onto the safety wall below, and tumble for a moment. When you catch yourself, you look right back at the others, who are hanging over to make sure you’re okay.

“It’s not a bad jump. Toss me the Holo.” you hold out your hands.

Finnick tosses it to you, and then he throws his backpack next to yours. He mirrors the way you had gotten onto the wall, before hopping over too. Then Hydri, and then Alioth. Just as you all get your shit back together, there’s more peacekeepers coming.

The four of you keep moving, onto the next roof. Then, you force them all to hide against the wall as you take a look at the Holo. The peacekeepers are nearby, they’re an entire rooftop over, and they have no clue what direction you guys actually moved in.

The Holo offers little help, from what you can see, there’s no faint orange dots. But the nearest solid orange one is literally in the street below. There’s no way you’d want to go down there, and from what Hydri said, the alleyway ended with that metal door. If you get down right now, then you’d have to trigger the trap when you step on it.

Unless you’d rather take a chance.

You shed the backpack, digging through the pockets until you pull out a metal ball. Taurus was using these to set off the traps that required weight and sight of something moving. All you have to do is throw this in the street below to set it off. The peacekeepers that are standing on the street will have to hide.

But it’ll take them a moment to realize what’s going on.

“What are you thinking?” Alioth asks.

“Just watch.” you move past all of them, taking one glance at the neighboring rooftops to see that there’s no one there.

You check the Holo again just to be sure, and then you get up, hurling the ball right where the pod should be. For a second, nothing happens.

Then the ground opens up, and starts to crumble.

“Oh shit.” you say, “Nearest rooftop--now!”

The rumbling of the ground gets louder, and you can hear the yells of the peacekeepers. Finnick and Alioth are the first to the rooftop away from the street--the far back one. Alioth sheds all his gear, Finnick gets down to grab his foot, and then he boots Alioth up.

Alioth squirms for a moment, but he gets up, leaning over for his shit. Finnick tosses them up, and Alioth takes it, and throws it behind him, completely disregarding it. And considering you all are on a time limit, it matters a ton.

Next is Hydri, but she insists her stuff goes up first, since everything inside is important. Anyone can read a map, but you all navigating the city without it will be hell.

You and Finnick stare at each other for a moment, and since you already know what he’s going to say, you hand the Holo off, then the backpack, and Alioth pulls you up with Hydri barely helping. The second that you’re on the higher roof, you’ve thrown yourself over the side.

The building Finnick’s on is tilting towards the gaping hole in the street, getting further and further away from you guys.

Pain strikes your heart, and you panic a bit when Finnick tries to take off the backpack.

“Jump!” you yell to him, “I’ve got you!”

Finnick listens to you, leaving the backpack and all on as he backs up a bit, gets a running start and bolts for the wall. You lean down as far as you can without losing your balance.

Finnick jumps, and with the amount of distance between the two buildings--you’re sure he won’t make it.

Then, his hand hits yours, and you’re reaching down with a second hand to grab his wrist.

Together, you and Alioth pull Finnick up the wall and into the roof with you guys. Once he’s inside, Finnick stumbles and falls onto his back, breathing heavy. You crouch down next to him, placing your hand on his chest.

“You’re okay?”

Finnick takes a breath in, “You were afraid.”

You crack a smile, “Of course I was.”

Offering your hand to him, he takes it. You pull him onto his feet with barely any struggle, patting his back as you move past him to gather your things again. You buckle the backpack, back in place, and take the Holo from Hydri.

“We should be good for a while.” you look up to Hydri.

“Ladder.” Alioth tells you guys, kicking off a hatch, “We should keep moving.”

“Ready to go, Finnick?” you ask.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Finnick says, giving you a smile.

You stare at the bedroom, “This feels weird to do.”

“You’re the one that said you wanted to have an apartment in the Capitol.”

You make a face at Finnick, tilting your head, “There’s a difference between getting a brand new apartment and sleeping in someone else’s bed.”

“Then go sleep in the living room.” Finnick heads into the bedroom, tossing his backpack onto a chair.

“How about you go sleep in a different room.” you jut your thumb towards the door, “I’m not sharing a bed with you.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Finnick gives you a cheeky grin as he sits on the edge of the bed, taking off his bulletproof vest, “Also there are no other rooms besides the living room.”

You sigh, grabbing the door knob, “Goodnight, Finnick.”

“You’re seriously going out there?” Finnick asks, throwing the vest onto the armchair with his backpack, “You’d rather sleep on a couch than a bed?”

“I’d rather sleep alone.” you clarify, “But I’m not getting that either way.”

Finnick pats the bed next to him, “We can make a pillow wall.”

“I’d rather deal with the neck pain.”

“Don’t be a wuss.” Finnick says.

He knew that would make you hesitate.

And you can tell by the smile creeping onto his face more and more as he pats the bed again, “Come on.” he sings.

You squint, “Why are you so eager?”

“Don’t wanna sleep alone.” Finnick is now removing his shoes, “Haven’t really slept alone in years.”

You take in a deep breath, “That’s not what I expected to hear, and it was the wrong thing to say on your part, too. Going to the living room.”

“You can at least sleep on the floor.”

“The likeness of you staring at me all night is too high.”

“Don’t be so full of yourself.” Finnick scoffs, hurling a shoe at you.

You catch it without a problem, “That’s all I am, sweetheart.”

Finnick’s eyebrows skyrocket, “Sweetheart?”

“God--fuck you.” you turn around, his shoe in hand as you move to the living room.

Finnick is laughing, and he stumbles to catch his footing as he attempts to catch up with you, “You take the bed, I’ll take the floor.”

“Or you could sleep in the living room.”

“Which would still be on the floor.” Finnick says.

You pause in the hallway, watching Alioth and Hydri from it. The two of them are getting along well, Hydri is pretty upset over losing Taurus though. Unfortunately, you didn’t know him very well, therefore can’t mourn for him the same way they can. It was a noble thing he did.

Yet he also took all his weapon supplies down with him when he did it, which is a huge loss. He had--basically--an infinite number of those heavy, metal balls. As for you guys, it’s a limited number, and each one lost brings five pounds out of the backpack. You all discovered that after using so many after Taurus was gone.

Finnick’s not wrong about the living room either, there’s only two couches. And the only thing that looks remotely comfortable after that is the fur rug that’s also kinda matted because the people that lived here apparently didn’t know how to take care of it.

“I’ll take the floor.” You tell Finnick, heading back into the room. You drop everything off by the door.

“No, I’ll take the floor.”

You ignore him, unbuckling the vest as fast as possible before tossing it onto the backpack, and then you turn on Finnick, holding your fists up.

Finnick laughs, but mirrors your stance, “Bring it on, sister.”

“Oh, right.” you laugh with him, before aiming straight for his gut.

Finnick goes to grab you, but you’re too quick for him, bouncing in your boots as you take a jab at his face. It’s not anything too rough, more of a warning for him to knock off his own shenanigans.

Finnick somehow manages to get a hold of you at some point, twisting your arm and giving you a look, “The floor is mine.”

“Just a minute ago you were arguing for the bed.” you grab onto his wrist to keep him from twisting any further.

“Then I’ll take the bed,” he says.

“I’m fine with that!” you say, swinging your leg up for his crotch.

Finnick doesn’t flinch, staring you right in the eyes. And especially since you didn’t actually fall through with it, it’s extra awkward.

“Get me a pillow and a blanket.” you tell him.

“But you’re sleeping on the bed.” Finnick says.

“Then I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket, geez.” you push him away, since his grasp has considerably weakened.

You start pulling off your shoes, tossing them to your backpack. Once they’re off, you remove the socks too so that your feet can finally breathe, after hours of being walked on and the amount of sweat that they’ve had to endure. When you go over to the bed, you take a seat on it, and then throw yourself back.

The mattress is obviously expensive, you can tell by the way you sink into it. You sigh, closing your eyes.

“Better than your mattress at home?” Finnick jokes.

“Unfortunately.” you say.

“I’m gonna sleep on the bed.” he tells you.

“Whatever, I don’t care anymore.” you say, “I’m actually heading to bed, though. So you can tell Hydri and Alioth that we’re done for the night and we’ll recollect in the morning.”

Finnick smiles, “Sure thing.”

Finnick leaves the room, and you take the time to go ahead and get back onto the bed. You carefully place the necklace onto the nightstand, being sure that it won’t fall off and onto the floor. Then, you get comfortable on the bed.

You all really should be keeping your shoes on and all of that, but it’s not realistic. You’re not going to be able to fall asleep with it on, plus it’ll be like a hundred degrees with that fucking bulletproof vest on.

Finnick comes into the room right as you’re getting comfortable. He tosses a water bottle at you, and you drink half of it before deciding to lay down officially.

“I feel kinda shitty that we’re leaving them out there.” Finnick says, getting into the bed, “I mean, the two victors taking the bed?”

“They told me that I could have it.”

“Whatever.” Finnick laughs, “Hydri said that there was a bedroom back here, and that was it.”

Finnick goes to pull the blanket up, but you kick him with your foot, “Go sleep in the bathtub.”

He rolls his eyes, “Goodnight, (Y/n).”

“Touch me even once, and I swear to god you’re going to wake up with a knife to your throat.”

“That’s not very safe.”

“Neither is touching me.”

#ilguna #finnick odair #finnick odair imagine #finnick odair oneshot #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair fanfic #finnick odair metanoia #metanoia chapter sixteen #metanoia

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lucifersresources · 4 years ago

Text

as always feel free to change pronouns/alter etc to fit!

the dykeenies // stitches.

“ you feel so weak. ”

“ you scratch those stitches, reminding you of why you fell away. ”

“ you can’t hold sleep. ”

“ you gamble more than enough. ”

“ you can’t depend on them. ”

“ still, i adore the taste of rain. ”

“ make a wish tonight. ”

“ make a wish tonight, all the stars are out. ”

“ all the stars are out. ”

“ it’s out of your hands, but not out of reach. ”

“ it’s not out of reach. ”

“ you felt so cruel. ”

“ don’t run away, dear. ”

“ darling, you’re safe here with me. ”

taylor swift // right where you left me.

“ friends break up, friends get married. ”

“ trends change, rumours fly through new skies. ”

“ i’m right where you left me. ”

“ still sitting in a corner i haunt. ”

“ what a sad sight. ”

“ everybody moved on. ”

“ everybody moved on; i stayed there. ”

“ dust collected on my pinned up hair. ”

“ they expected me to find somewhere. ”

“ i sat and stared, right where you left me. ”

“ you left me no choice but to stay here forever. ”

“ did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? ”

“ i was still the one you want. ”

“ you told me that you met someone. ”

“ our love died young. ”

“ if you ever think you got it wrong, i’m still right where you left me. ”

taylor swift // it’s time to go.

“ he’s insisting that friends look at each other like that. ”

“ she was not in fact what she seemed. ”

“ she’s a crook who was caught. ”

“ that old familiar body ache... ”

“ the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul. ”

“ you know when it’s time to go. ”

“ keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse. ”

“ sometimes giving up is the strong thing. ”

“ sometimes to run is the brave thing. ”

“ sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing. ”

“ fifteen years, fifteen million tears... ”

“ i gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all. ”

“ i gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all then wondered why i left. ”

“ he gave me nothing at all then wondered why i left. ”

“ now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones. ”

“ he’s got my past frozen behind glass. ”

“ he’s got my past frozen behind glass, but i’ve got me. ”

“ but i’ve got me. ”

“ you know in your soul when it’s time to go. ”

“ it’s time to go. ”

“ you just go. ”

jaymes young // i’ll be good.

“ i thought i saw the devil this morning. ”

“ i thought i saw the devil this morning, looking in the mirror. ”

“ i never meant to start a fire. ”

“ i never meant to make you bleed. ”

“ i’ll be a better man today. ”

“ i’ll be good. ”

“ i’ll love the world, like i should. ”

“ i’ll be good for all the times that i never could. ”

“ my past has tasted bitter for years now. ”

“ my past has tasted bitter for years now, so i wield an iron fist. ”

“ grace is just weakness, or so i’ve been told. ”

“ i’ve been cold, i’ve been merciless. ”

“ the blood on my hands scares me to death. ”

“ maybe i’m waking up. ”

“ i’ll be good, for all of the light that i shut out. ”

“ for all of the bruises i’ve caused & the tears. ”

“ for all of the sparks that i’ve stomped out, for all of the perfect things that i doubt, i’ll be good. ”

the 1975 // i always wanna die (sometimes)

“ i bet you thought your life would change. ”

“ you thought your life would change. ”

“ your memories are sceneries for things you said but never really meant. ”

“ you’re not the same as them. ”

“ your death it won’t happen to you; it happens to your family & your friends. ”

“ i always wanna die, sometimes. ”

“ you win, you lose, you sing the blues. ”

“ there’s no point in buying concrete shoes. ”

“ am i me through geography? ”

“ a face collapsed through entropy. ”

“ i can hardly speak. ”

“ i can hardly speak and when i try it’s nothing but a squeak. ”

“ if you can’t survive; just try. ”

#rp meme #sentence starters #lyric rp meme #music rp meme #lyric sentence starters #lyrics rp meme #angst rp meme #roleplay memes #rp memes #music sentence starters

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mynumberfivethings · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! I recently found your tumblr and I really enjoy your work! I’m not sure if you are still doing them or not, but I have a request/idea for little five. I would love to see the family go somewhere with little five, maybe the beach? They could teach him how to swim, put floaties on him, etc. If you happen to see this and decide to write it, I would love that!

this is TOO cute

it occurs to allison one day that the majority of her family probably has never been to the beach before-she’s talking about how much Claire loves building sandcastles and five, who’s in his little headspace, stares at her in confusion. “what’s that?” he asks, leaning precariously atop the kitchen table on his elbows.

he’s a little older than usual today-about four, allison gauges-which makes it so much easier to communicate. “sandcastles?” she tilts her head. “just what it sounds like, castles made of sand from the beach. they’re fun to make five-would you ever wanna go to the beach?”

five nods eagerly. “beach! wanna go now!”

klaus hums thoughtfully-it’s been a while since he was last at the beach. “that would actually be nice. i’d be down for a beach trip.”

it’s discovered quickly that no one else at the table has ever been at the beach (besides Ben-he went with Klaus, but it was as a ghost, and so he doesn’t really count it). “we should go.” ben suggests, fives childish enthusiasm contagious.

allison grins. “yeah?”

five jumps up in his seat. “yeah!”

************************

five loves the sand. he loves the way it dips between his bare toes and the way it hardens with water into fun shapes-especially when luther and diego help him build a monstrous castle.

vanya crouches down next to him, smiling as she watches how hard he’s concentrating on building the moat around his castle. “having a good time?”

five looks up at her with a wide grin. “look!”

vanya nods, making a show of looking extremely impressed. “it’s amazing!” she awes.

five suddenly notices she’s dripping with water and questions as to why.

vanya chuckles as she squeezes the water from her hair. “i went into the ocean.” she gestures with a nod towards the water a few yards away. “it’s refreshing in this heat, you should go in too.” she’s gone to pools before-the community ones in the city, when her little box fan in her one bedroom wasn’t cutting it-but the ocean is a whole other experience. she’s glad they’re on this impromptu family day trip.

five looks out beyond the ocean and stares at it like it’s something he can’t quite figure out. “can’t swim.” he admits softly. “don’t wanna.”

allison, who overhears the conversation, takes a pair of red floaties out of her yellow sports bag. “gotcha these in case you change your mind, honey.” she runs a hand through his hair playfully, laughing when he scrunches his nose at her.

“what’s that?” he pokes at them experimentally.

“floaties,” allison explains. “they help you float in the water so you don’t sink, even if you can’t swim. they’re great for beginners like you, five. and eventually when you can swim all by yourself you won’t need em anymore. what do you say? you wanna try em on?” she sees the hesitance in his face. “you can try em on and not go into the water if you want. just to see how they fit.” he’s got such skinny arms allison wasn’t quite sure what size to get him.

five holds his arms out for her to put them on, surprised by how light they are. these are supposed to keep him from drowning? it doesn’t seem plausible-vanya almost wants to laugh at the skepticism in his little face, it’s an expression she normally only expects of big five. “they look great on you.” vanya comments, smiling when he preens.

eventually the siblings manage to convince five to put the bad boys to use. the water is nice and warm today and five pokes his toes into it first, clinging to luther like a lifeline, even though they’re technically still on land. “i can carry you in, if you want?” luther offers. five looks especially small today in his blue swim trunks and those floaties-the fact that he’s shirtless only serves to highlight how thin he is. five’s always been on the skinny side, even as kids no matter how much he ate it never seemed quite enough-luther can relate.

five lifts his arms and luther sweeps him off his feet easily and together they march into the ocean, the others joining them, excited to see five’s first dip in the water. regrettably, it doesn’t go as planned. as soon as luther has waded in about waist high, five suddenly freaks out. it starts with a lip wobble and quickly turns into frightened sobbing. “out!” he cries, wrapping his arms tightly around luthers neck and trying his best to keep any and all parts of his body out of reach of the ocean.

“honey, it’s ok, look, we’re all right here, you don’t have to be afraid. nothing’s going to happen to you.” allison tries, fruitlessly.

five is shaking now, terrified. “please.” he whimpers, eyes shut tight.

“let’s get him out.” diego gently squeezes one of his shoulders and together they all lead luther and five out of the ocean. even once they’re on land, back by their towels and chairs and bags, five won’t stop crying.

he lets go of luther like he’s been burned and huddles behind his grandiose castle, hiding his face.

“hey hey, you’re ok, we’re back on the sand, here look, you love the sand-wanna try making another castle?” klaus tries, his heart breaking at the sight of five so visibly scared.

it’s to everyone’s surprise when five suddenly stops crying altogether and blinks up at klaus. “jesus,” five groans, sliding a hand down his face in embarrassment. “that sucked, sorry guys.” he’s never had such an abrupt transition like this before, from “little” to “big”-it’s kind of jarring, if he’s being honest.

“are you ok?” klaus asks, worried.

five nods, a tiny bit dazed, still. he normally transitions during his sleep-he’ll fall asleep big and wake up a little or vice versa, rarely, if ever, like this. “yeah,” he says. “i’m good. just,” he wipes away the tears and clears his throat. “the last time i was in water wasn’t...great.” he doesn’t elaborate and he’s grateful that no one pushes for him to.

allison sits down in front of five and pulls him into a hug he’s not expecting. he goes stiff in her embrace for a second before slowly relaxing into her arms, tucking his head into her shoulder.

maybe time, five thinks, he’ll be brave enough to go into the water.

#less fluffy and more angsty than intended #oof #tua #five hargreeves #little!five #hargreeves family #hargreeves siblings #drabble #long post #ask #answered

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hillnerd · 4 years ago

Note

I don't have a particular question, but thoughts on Ron/Neville? (How they'd get together/kids/do you like the ship, etc)

Rated PG-13 Ron liked Neville just fine, of course. He was a good bloke! A mate through and through. Reliable, down to earth, steady. Sometimes he wondered how someone that meek and stodgy made it into Gryffindor, but then he'd think back to all the times Neville had kicked arse and spoken back, and it made some kind of sense. He didn't really think of those moments as 'Neville' though. It almost felt like someone else had taken over quiet-Neville's body to do the barmy brave acts.

How could someone so unassuming do... all that?

He began to wonder about the other side of Neville as they joined the Aurors.

Neville? Why was he there? He was meant to be potting plants and doing... whatever it was Neville got up to when he wasn't tagging along or doing plant stuff. What did Neville get up to? He had no idea, and felt a bit shit about it. They'd never hung out much. When Harry or Hermione weren’t available at Hogwarts, he normally hung about with Seamus and Dean. They were always good for a laugh, and Neville was just off somewhere doing Neville-things.

Now they were both Aurors, and instead of putting Ron and Harry together, Management changed things up and put him with Neville. Figured. They thought Ron wasn't good enough to be Harry's partner, most likely.

He and Neville had nothing to talk about after about five minutes, besides any business that needed seeing to. It was so quiet! This was why he never hung out with Neville. He was sort of boring. He wasn't arguing all the time like Hermione, or being a sarcastic prick like Harry, or laughing it up like Seamus and Dean. He looked over and gave a smile to Ron, a quiet almost apologetic one, then got back to his report.

In the office it was horrible, but whether it was in sparring or in the field taking on escaped Death Eaters, Ron was quickly impressed with Neville. Others were going out of their way to show off or do stupid shit, but Neville? He was still quiet and unassuming- but he fucking did it. He did everything you were supposed to. He might not be the fastest, he might not be the strongest, but he was the most reliable. Solid, that’s what Neville was— and if not for him, Ron was sure he'd have done so pisspoor in his own scores.

"Nice work out there today," Ron said, giving Neville a nod and heading to his locker.

"Just doing my job."

He hadn't just done his job. The two of them had demolished the other teams, thanks to Neville, and were the top pair for the training scenarios each time that day. It continued like this for weeks.

"That was one wicked hit!" "It was thanks to your shield charm."

"Well done, mate!" He'd duck his head and blush. "Same to you." "Naw, mine was shite- but you? Neville that was unbe-fucking-lievable!"

"That was wicked! Ron crowed, squeezing Neville's surprisingly hard bicep. Who knew Neville Longbottom had arms like that? "I can't believe how you nailed that Fitz-bastard to the floor!"

Fitz was a pisspoor Auror and only in their ranks due to Wizengamot nepotism. He was always messing up, showing off, dodging the hard work, and generally making Ron's life a bit of a nightmare.

"Thanks. But it was mostly because of your plan and fast spell work earlier that led to Fitz getting the snot beat out of him before I did that. Now that was wicked."

After three weeks of it, Ron had little patience.

"For fucksake, Nev!" he bristled in irritation. "Why do you always have to be such a downer? You did well!"

Neville's cheeks colored. "Sorry... I'm not trying to... Sorry."

"Don't apologize! Merlin, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Ron bristled, striping off his shirt and getting ready to shower. He glanced up to see Neville biting his lip, looking unsure of what to do or say. He stayed frozen in place and gave that same apologetic smile he always gave.

A deep chest rattling sigh left Ron, and he pressed some knuckles into his brow to relieve the tension there.

"Look... I'm sorry, but just... Neville you've got to stop treating yourself like... like you're not any good. You're great! I'm happy to have you as my partner. More than! You've got to start believing in yourself."

He expected Neville to smile or something, buoyed up by the admittedly lackluster pep-talk.

He looked up and instead saw a thunderous expression. Ron glanced about to see if Fitz was up to something behind him.

"You're one to talk," Neville quietly muttered, striping his own shirt off and throwing it into the locker.

"What?"

"It's nothing," he bristled, slamming the locker and heading towards the showers.

"What's got your wand in a twist? I said I was sorry," Ron apologized, following him. "Look, I know I'm a real pain to work with sometimes... Okay, probably a lot of the time. I'm a git, but I was just trying to--"

Without warning there was a giant crash as Neville's closed fist hit the metal lockers with such force a few of the unlocked ones popped open.

Despite his closed angry fists Neville let out a chuckle, shaking his head back and forth.

"The fuck, Nev?"

"You! I just... You're a real piece of work, Weasley."

Ron squinted at Neville, seeing if there was bruising around his head. Maybe he'd gotten a concussion during the partner duels?

"You're trying to give me a morale boost about self-worth or whatever, and couldn't be more hypocritical if you tried," he mirthlessly laughed. "Do you know how often I try to let you know how great you are?"

Ron stared at him, confused.

"Every time we get done with some exercise or another you act like I'm the one who did everything, but I'm not. You're great, better than me by a lot, but It doesn't matter what I say! You're always telling me how shit you are, or what a git you are, or acting like you didn't do anything. It's been driving me mad!"

Ron felt his ears begin to turn red. "I don't really do that, do I?"

"Every damn time."

"Well…” Ron began, his anger back. “Well every damn time I try to tell you how brilliant YOU are I get a rebuff. I try to compliment you and you're all 'Oh no it wasn't me at all. I basically took a shit on the floor as you did everything! Sorry I exist!'"

Neville's cheeks turned pink. The blushing men stared at one another.

"I guess we both have some improvement in the self-confidence department."

"I'd say so..." Ron said with a sheepish grin. He put his hand out. "Let's agree we're both the best partners in the world and leave it there?"

"I'll agree to that," said Neville, firmly grasping his hand. _______________________________________________________

After their talk Neville began to loosen up. Ron never would have thought he could laugh and shoot the shit with him so easily.

Every time Ron said something sarcastic or went for a laugh, he found himself looking to see if Neville was laughing. Sure it was nice when the rest of the recruits laughed, but getting Neville to? It was more of a challenge, so that made it all the sweeter.

Neville would sometimes try to keep from smiling, but Ron could see the corners of his lips twitch, or that look in his eyes that made them twinkle with good humor, and that was all he needed.

They'd go for drinks after work and he could make Neville actually curl his head over and laugh so hard he was wheezing and slapping the table. Sometimes Neville would surprise Ron and get him to laugh just as hard.

It was a nice little pattern they had. They'd spend all day together at work then spend the evenings together too, either at a pub, or occasionally hanging out at one another's flats.

They didn't just laugh together.

When Ron got rattled from a nasty spell that behaved a lot like a fucked up nightmare fueled Boggart-Dementor had taken over his brain. He couldn’t see anything but the memories, and felt his knees go out from him. He was left a crying mess as his worst memories from the war tormented him.

“Ron?” he heard a voice cut through the panic. Neville. He was solid and there. He could feel his partner holding him through it. Ron gripped back like his life depended on it. Later when Ron had recovered, Neville’s arm had a series of fingerprint sized bruises on it, but he didn’t flinch or complain.

Later that night as they quietly dressed in their locker room, Ron noticed Neville's build was much like his personality- solid. Like when did Neville start getting so fit? He looked a bit fat, but you hugged him and he was solid as a fucking oak tree. Right under that layer of pudge around his middle was a firm set of abs. His arms weren't flabby at all, and were getting big. His shoulders were broader than he'd realized too, and his bum—

What the fuck?

Ron hadn't been thinking about Neville's bum. He hadn't been thinking about his body and how built he was getting. Well... He was, but purely in a 'very platonically noticing things about a mate' way, and not in a 'some undetermined feeling was making him squirm and need to cover his crotch with a towel before someone noticed he had a hardon' sort of way...

Nope. He’d put that thought in a deep dark untouchable part of his brain, and most certainly not think or speak of it ever.

For months he was able to keep those thoughts at bay. Well, kind of. He just made a point of not looking at Neville in the locker room. Or when he leaned down to pick things up. Or when he leaned against the bar in those Auror trousers that left nothing to his imagination-- which didn't help because his imagination had tons of locker room sights to supply it.

He continued to make Neville laugh. They continued to be the best partners. He continued to appreciate Neville more and more every day.

One night they went to a Muggle club with a few of their mates. Ron was a little bit tipsy, he had to admit. Tipsy enough that he had danced a while, and even done it near Neville. Okay, maybe he was a bit drunk. Neville had laughed and barely moved as Ron energetically bounced to the music, but it had been nice. In the dark he could more openly watch Neville.

After a particularly robust bunch of dancing, Ron windedly went back to their table to cool off, Neville joining him. Hermione was dancing with Lee and Ginny, while Harry awkwardly moved next to them with so little grace it was almost shocking.

"How can he be so bloody good at movement with duels and flying,” Ron slurred a bit, “but be so gob-smakingly pathetic at movement the second music is involved?"

“Look. There's a pattern to it," Neville said, conspiratorially leaning close to Ron's ear. Ron nervously swallowed feeling the warm breath against him. "First he does a hip thing, and then come out the thumbs. Watch. He's about to bite his lip and do it!"

Ron watched and sure enough Harry did a strange stilted wiggle of his hips. A horrible overbite took over his face. Wagging his elbows, thumbs began to move about like a broken hitchhiker.

Ron snorted into his beer. "God, if I ever look that bad dancing, I give you permission to body-bind me."

"Should I do the body bind here, or...?" Neville asked, that cheeky smile on his face that made Ron's pulse quicken.

"We can do it at my place," he replied, giving his partner a shove that made beer almost spill down his front. "I'm spent on loud music anyway. I'd rather spend the evening with you."

"Fair enough," said Neville, paying their tab. They were near enough that they could take one of those Muggle pedi-cabs instead of the stomach churning Knight Bus. Ron had never taken one and was delighted when they did the bell for him.

"You two seem to be having a nice night," the sturdy woman with closely cropped hair laughed.

"I've been out dancing with the best partner in the world," Ron gushed, putting an arm around Neville who contentedly smiled back. "This guy right here. He's my partner!"

"Oh that's nice!" she said with a smile. "Me and my girlfriend love this neighborhood. It's really friendly to that."

Ron nodded, though he wasn't sure what she meant.

"He's really strong and muscled."

"Mmm hmm," the woman said with an amused look.

"He's my partner!" Ron needed her to know that.

The ride was too short, and Ron tried to work out the Muggle money, quite the task when he was so tipsy. Neville quickly took over and thanked the pedi-cab cyclist, passing along some bills.

"Let's get you inside, partner," Neville laughed. They didn't have to bother with keys, as Ron's door was warded to his wand. It was a good thing too, as he didn't think he'd be much use with keys at the moment.

Ron threw himself on the sofa, watching Neville get water from the kitchen. Thoughtful as usual, Neville had a glass for Ron as well.

"Drink up so you don't have a hangover."

"I have potions," Ron said with a dismissive hand gesture, but he drank the whole glass anyway.

"I wanted to make sure you got home alright, but I probably should get going," said Neville, rising from the sofa.

"No, wait, stay a bit longer," Ron said, pulling Neville back to the couch, and this time a whole lot closer than before. Their shoulders were almost touching.

Neville sighed before saying, "Okay..."

"Good!" replied Ron, putting an arm around Neville's shoulder. "You're the best!"

He leaned in and kissed Neville's temple. His partner's breath hitched, and it took a moment for Ron to realize why. He let out a nervous laugh.

"Hah... yeah... The best," he repeated, straightening up a bit, but his eyes started trailing over Neville's face. The squint of his eyes, the same blue as the sky right when a storm was brewing. The set of his jaw that was pulsing a bit. The questioning look. The lips that were doing that little smile when he was holding back from laughing or saying something. Ron didn't want him to hold back. He wanted to make Neville laugh and say things, and do things with him, and he couldn't stop looking at that mouth.

"Ron..." Neville let out, but Ron didn't want to just look anymore. He leaned in and put his lips to Neville's, turning his head just far enough for the kiss to be more than a peck. It was so much more than a peck. It was like being held in that solid embrace of Neville’s. It was like making his partner laugh. It was feeling valued. It was warm and thirst quenching, and Ron moaned.

Neville's body was against his, one of his earth-rough hands slid to hold Ron's side as the kiss deepened. They were opening their mouths and instincts were taking over that Ron didn't even know he had. They enthusiastically snogged until finally they parted, panting, and staring at one another.

"Er... Was that...?" Ron trailed off.

"It was..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Cause I..."

"Can we just agree we're the best partners in the world, and now that includes being good at snogging?" Neville asked, putting out a hand.

"I'll agree to that," Ron said, giving the proffered hand a shake before pulling Neville close and snogging him again.

___________________________________________

Two Years later

"This is my partner!" Ron enthusiastically told the pedi-cab cyclist.

"Hah, yeah-- I remember you!" she laughed.

"Not that kind of partner- a husband-partner!" Ron let her know.

"I remember that too," she said with a smile.

Ron looked at Neville with confusion. They hadn't been in a pedicab since the night they'd first gotten together.

"Best partner in the world," Ron said quietly to Neville.

"So are you," he said with a kiss.

#neville longbottom #ron weasley #fanfiction #neville/Ron #my writing

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jbbarnesnnoble · 5 years ago

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Rainy Season

Summary: After three failed attempts at adoption and being rejected as foster parents, your marriage to Natasha is starting to fall apart. Determined to save your marriage, you and Natasha embark on a journey of acceptance for the things you can’t change.

Features/Warnings: Angst

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/Reader

Request: “Hi there! Could I please request a Natasha Romanoff x fem!R fic? Where they’re married and having serious problems, like not sleeping in the same bed, R feels like her touching Nat is unwanted, fights etc and they go to marriage counseling and we see their journey through that and it’s heartbreaking? But like with a hopeful (no break-up) ending please? One part or ten parts, I don’t mind! I’d just love to see this story written after it came into my head. Thank you so much, you’re fantastic! Xx”

Notes: This is a bit different for me as far as subject matter. It’s also one of the longest oneshots I’ve written.

Word Count: 4545

The clinking of dishes in the sink and the sound of running water were the only sounds in the house. A plate sat in the microwave, waiting for someone you knew wouldn’t be coming anytime soon. She’d been on a mission for three weeks. You’d had a fight before she left. You knew from Bucky that they had returned that morning. The light caught your ring, shining brightly under the fluorescent lights of the kitchen. You sighed. It hadn’t always been like this. The stretches of time she’d spend at the compound rather than the home the two of you shared. The fights, the shrinking away from any kind of touch.

You had met Natasha at a coffee shop. Such a cliche, but it was how you’d met. You had been having the morning from hell. It was a Saturday, but that meant nothing when it came to your work. You had things to get done that kept piling up. Someone had bumped into her, causing her to spill her coffee on you and the papers you’d had scattered on the table. The two of you had gotten to talking and before you knew it, you had her number and a date.

Now, you’d been married for three years and you were watching her fade away from you. You heard the door open and close, but you didn’t bother saying anything. You focused on the dish you’d been washing for the past five minutes. She came into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame.

“No hello?” she asked. You paused for a moment.

“Didn’t hear you come in,” you said. She scoffed.

“You and I both know that’s a lie,” she said, walking over to the microwave. She opened it to see what you’d made, a simple lasagna. She scrunched her nose before going to the fridge.

“Do we have anything else?” she asked. Your grip tightened on the plate.

“No, Natasha. You’ve been away. I had a long day. Forgive me for heating up the lasagna I froze,” you snapped. You couldn’t read her expression.

“You’ve had a long day? I just got home from a three week mission. Is it too much to ask that my wife make something other than a frozen lasagna? That I get more than silence when I walk in the door?” she yelled. You dropped the plate, ignoring it as it shattered in the sink. You turned the water off before turning to face her.

“Yes, Natasha. I had a long day. You don’t have a monopoly on hardship in this relationship,” you said, keeping your voice low and even.

“I never said I did,” she replied. You raised an eyebrow.

“You implied it,” you said.

“Stop putting words in my mouth,” she said with a glare. You weren’t sure how it had gotten this bad. It was as if the fight from three weeks had picked right back up. You didn’t want to deal with it or her in that moment. You knew you would end up saying something you’d regret. You went to grab your wallet and keys.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Out. Don’t wait up. Welcome home, dear,” you replied. You couldn’t deal with her. Not like this. She was looking to fight and you knew it. There was a time in your relationship where you would never leave a fight unresolved, but you needed to cool off before you said something you truly regretted. You found yourself at Mo’s, a dive bar in town that was crawling with a mix of locals who were regulars and students from the local university. There was an odd mix of people in the bar. It was why you liked it.

“Uh-oh, I know that look. Meri, get this woman a whiskey on the rocks and an order of sticks,” Beth said when you sat down at the bar. Beth owned the bar with her wife Merilee, taken over from Merilee’s father, Mo. Beth was older, in her sixties. She and her wife had been together for years and got married as soon as it was legal.

“Spill kid, what happened?” she asked as Meri set your whiskey down, handing one to Beth as well.

“We had a big fight, I told you about it. She came home today. I made lasagna. She got upset about the lasagna,” you said. Beth tutted and gave you a look.

“It wasn’t about the lasagna, kiddo,” she said. You sighed. You knew that. You knew it was about more than the lasagna. About more than your work schedule or hers.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t even sleep together anymore. I sleep in the guest room, have for weeks now,” you admitted. Beth looked at you with a sad smile. You used to work at Mo’s when you were in college. She’d seen your relationship with Natasha grow and change over the years. She adored the pair of you.

“Have you tried counseling?” she asked, breaking the silence. You shook your head.

“That’s the nail in the coffin isn’t it? You go to marriage counseling to admit it’s over,” you said glumly. She shook her head.

“I’ll tell you something, kiddo. Meri and I have been through counseling. Did us a world of good. We weren’t communicating our needs and it spiraled. There was a time we almost split up,” she said. You looked at her in shock.

“But you two are so happy,” you sputtered. She laughed.

“You never know what people are going through. We have our rough patches. Every couple does. Some just need help working through them. Sometimes, ending things is for the best. Other times, it works out. You won’t know unless you try,” she said. You sat there, thinking about her words as she went around the bar checking in on people. You hadn’t looked at your phone since you walked out.

Across town, Natasha sat at the table, eating lukewarm lasagna alone. She never could figure out the right amount of time to let it heat up for. Somehow, you always managed to do it perfectly. She swore you were magic.

She knew she hadn’t been fair, but there was so much weighing on her lately. Between the team and the two of you continually struggling with the adoption process. Last time the two of you had been about to sign the papers when the mother backed out. It had devastated both of you, but Natasha put on a brave face, for you. She had been gutted. She couldn’t get pregnant and you had no interest in being pregnant.

Adoption had always been the goal but the pair of you hadn’t had luck. The state had denied your application to be foster parents on the grounds that Natasha’s job would endanger the children, no matter how much the pair of you argued that you had the means to protect the children, no matter how many people argued on your behalf. Adoption through a private agency was your only option.

She knew it tore you apart. You wanted to adopt. You wanted to be a foster parent to help those kids who couldn’t be with their families for various reasons. And she couldn’t give you that. She was the reason you couldn’t. She blamed herself even if you wouldn’t. She knew she was pulling away, that she hadn’t been fair to you. .She wasn’t surprised when Clint walked in.

“I know you Natasha. You love that woman. So do you want to tell me why you asked Tony about a divorce lawyer?” Clint asked, grabbing an apple from the counter and leaning against it. Natasha sighed.

“She’s not happy,” she said. Clint raised an eyebrow.

“Did she say the words ‘Natasha I’m not happy, I want a divorce?’ or are you jumping to that conclusion without talking to her like an adult?” he asked.

“You don’t understand,” she said.

“Try me, Tasha. Make me understand. Because you two have been off for months now. She never goes to the compound anymore. She didn’t come last time you came to the farmhouse. What’s going on?” Clint asked.

“We had an adoption lined up,” she said.

“Had...so what happened this time?” he asked. She sighed.

“What always happens. The mother decided to keep the child. Which is her right. I respect that. I just...I wish it didn’t hurt so bad. Our application to be foster parents was rejected because of me. I’m the problem,” Natasha said, her voice cracking. She was good at hiding her emotions, to a fault. Clint pulled her into a hug as she broke. He had only seen Natasha breakdown once since they had met.

“It will work out. You know how I know? Because I know the two of you. You two are two of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. Have you talked about counseling?” he asked. Natasha shook her head.

“I feel like that’s admitting we can’t work it out,” she replied.

“It’s not, Tasha. It’s admitting you need help communicating with each other and that’s okay. You two can’t keep living like this. Bucky let it slip that she mentioned she’s been sleeping in the guest room. He said she shut down after saying that and changed the subject. He said he’d just asked how the new bed was that the two of you got...Tash, how long has she been sleeping in the guest room?” Clint asked. Natasha ran a hand through her hair and sighed.

“About a month? I don’t know anymore, to be honest. I stopped counting days after the first week,” she admitted.

“Any reason why?” he asked. Natasha looked down. Vulnerability wasn’t something Natasha Romanoff often showed. Clint could see the pain on her face clear as day.

“We had a fight. The adoption fell through, we had another fight and then the mission. I thought...maybe she’d start sleeping in our room again, while I was gone. That I’d come home and we’d be okay,” she told him.

“I think you know what you need to do,” he said. Natasha nodded.

“I do,” she said.

The light in the living room was still on when you walked in a little past one in the morning. You’d had one drink and spent the rest of your time talking with Beth. You knew what you had to do. You didn’t want to lose what you had with Natasha. Not in the slightest. You looked at her as you put your keys in the dish by the door. You knew she’d been crying. Her eyes were still red-rimmed.

“Hi,” you said, your voice soft.

“Hi,” she replied, her voice raspy. You walked toward her, finding yourself sitting beside her on the couch and pulling her toward you. She wrapped her arms around you. The two of you sat in silence, holding on to one another as if the other would disappear if you let go. It was the first time in a while you had held Natasha without her recoiling.

You remembered that first time she pulled away when you went to touch her. It was after the second adoption fell through, six months before. The two of you had tried three times to adopt. That was ignoring the agencies that had denied you out of the gate because of who Natasha was. You had been attempting to adopt since the start of your marriage, knowing it could take a while.

The two of you sat in the office of the agency that had finally agreed to work with you. The person assigned to your case had a sad smile on her face as she welcomed you into her office. It reminded you of the last time the two of you had been there, receiving bad news.

“I’m sorry. There’s no easy way to say this. Ms. Carson has decided against putting the child up for adoption through the agency,” Catrina said. Your shoulders slumped as you looked to Natasha who had a blank expression. You moved to hold her hand but she pulled away from you.

“So, what now?” you asked, your voice breaking.

“You go back on the list,” Catrina said.

“Was it because of me?” Natasha asked, breaking her silence. Catrina was quiet for a moment. You knew no matter what she said next, that the answer was yes. Last time this had happened, the birth mother reached out. Saying it was nothing personal, but her family thought it wasn’t safe for the baby. Safe. As if Natasha was a danger, you thought bitterly. There would be no where safer for the child than your home. You maintained a suite at the compound, but your primary residence was a home not far from there, with more security features than anyone could ever imagine. You and Natasha had decided early on that you needed your space as a couple away from the compound, especially once you brought children into the equation. You never counted on it being that difficult.

Leaving the agency, you tried once more to take her hand, only to have her pull away. You sighed as you got into the car. The pair of you were silent on the drive home. You pretended you couldn’t hear her cry when she closed the door to the bedroom. You sat at the kitchen table, pouring yourself a drink, losing yourself in your thoughts.

You imagined a life where you weren’t shut down at every turn. At least two kids, didn’t matter if it was a girl and a boy, two boys, or two girls. Playing sports, learning instruments, teaching them to defend themselves. Maybe one becomes a teacher, another joins the team. Or maybe one decides they want a music career. In your dreams, you get approved to be foster parents. You weren’t a superhero like Natasha, but giving kids a safe place to live? You could do that. You could help like that. The two of you had just started the process of getting approved for that. You saw no reason why they would reject you, especially when you knew there were truly awful people out there who were foster parents. It was something that angered you when you dwelled on it too long.

You were pulled from your thoughts when Natasha started playing with your hair. She hadn’t done that in months.

“We need to talk, but I think we need to sleep first,” you murmured. She yawned before nodding. You stood up, taking her hand when you did and helping her up. You led her to your shared room. For the past month, you had only entered to change clothes and shower. Natasha didn’t protest as you helped her into pajamas before changing yourself. You pulled back the covers for her before moving around to your side of the bed. It was a rare side of Natasha, a side you usually saw after rough missions where she was too tired to function properly. You pulled her close, falling asleep shortly after her breathing evened out.

When the morning light streamed through the blinds, you woke to find Natasha still fast asleep, sprawled across you. You kissed the top of her head before extricating yourself from the bed. It was no easy feat to escape the bed of Natasha Romanoff. You managed to get out without waking her, something you took as a personal victory.

You headed to the bathroom, trying not to let your thoughts wander. You weren’t naive. You knew things weren’t magically fixed. As you washed your hands, you looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed. You hadn’t been sleeping well. The previous night had been the best sleep you’d had since before you’d started sleeping in the guest room. You headed toward the kitchen, glancing back at Natasha’s sleeping form before leaving the room. You knew breakfast was in order.

When Natasha emerged from the bedroom a half hour later, she smiled when she saw you finishing cooking. You plated an omelette, putting a few pieces of bacon, some homefries, and toast on the plate before bringing it to the table along with yours. Her toast had her favorite jam spread on it. You glanced up when you heard her footsteps against the hardwood floor.

“Morning sleepyhead,” you said with a light laugh. It felt normal. But both of you knew it wouldn’t last long. Anxiety twisted in your stomach at the thought of the conversation you needed to have. You knew this was make or break. You weren’t sure what you’d do if she didn’t agree with the idea of counseling. You weren’t sure if you two would make it to your fourth anniversary if you didn’t go.

“Morning,” she said, sitting down. You set a glass of orange juice down beside her coffee before sitting down. The two of you ate in silence for a few minutes before you decided to take the plunge.

“I think we should see a marriage counselor,” you said. Natasha took a bite of her food as she looked at you, head slightly tilted with a small smirk on her face. You knew that look.

“Is this breakfast to butter me up to be open to the idea?” she asked.

“Breakfast is my apology for letting you walk out that door for a three week mission without saying ‘I love you’,” you said. The two of you didn’t sit down for breakfast often. Usually it was bowls of cereal or oatmeal as you rushed around getting ready for the day.

“I think we should. I was thinking. And I talked to Clint,” she said. You raised an eyebrow.

“Are you telling me Clint Barton suggested we go to marriage counseling? We are talking about the same Clint Barton who on the Fourth of July thought it was a good idea to try to launch a firework from his bow, that Clint Barton?” you asked. She laughed.

“He may do stupid things, but he had a point. Everyone’s noticed something is wrong. We just...don’t want to admit it to ourselves,” she said. You nodded.

“Beth, she uh, she gave me a recommendation. She and Meri went to counseling, apparently still go every once in a while,” you said, sounding unsure. She nodded.

“Make the call. If they trust this counselor, that’s enough for me,” she said. It wasn’t uncommon for you and Natasha to have dinner with the two women. They had never had children of their own, but it wasn’t uncommon for a teenager kicked out by their family to find their way to the older women. They owned the bar in town and a good portion of their staff had at one time or another been housed by the women for one reason or another.

Another month found you in your fourth session. Natasha had requested to be kept off longer missions for the time being unless it was unavoidable. The first session had been your standard getting to know you session. The following two hadn’t seen much progress. You both beat around the bush on the elephant in the room. Dr. Reynolds had you write down questions you wanted to ask each other. Yours went in one dish, Nat’s in another. You stared at Dr. Reynolds when she read Nat’s question.

“Pardon? Can you repeat that?” you asked, unsure if you heard her correctly.

“Would you still love Natasha if you never are able to have children or foster?” she read. You looked at Natasha.

“Nat?” you asked, your voice soft. She looked down.

“I know you want to adopt. I want to too. But every time we’ve tried,” she said. You moved to cup her cheek as she turned to look at you.

“Natasha. I love you. I chose you. I’d love you if your skin turned green and your sprouted goat horns and an extra five eyes. Yes, I want children. And I still believe it will happen for us. But if it doesn’t, that doesn’t change my love for you. Some things are out of our control. Does it change your feelings for me if we don’t have kids? If we never get to be foster parents?” you asked.

“No...but I’m the one who’s the reason why it’s fallen through every time. I’m the reason why we can’t be foster parents,” she said.

“And I don’t care! Natasha, I love you. And that’s not changing. The fact that you think I’d leave you because of things that are out of our control, that hurts. That hurts. I know it’s a dealbreaker for some people, but Natasha, you are my person. I don’t walk away just because life isn’t going how we hoped. One day, we’ll expand our family. I know it. Maybe it won’t be how we planned, but...it will happen,” you said.

“I feel like I’m holding you back,” she admitted. You shook your head.

“You aren’t. Do you trust me?” you asked.

“Of course I do,” she said.

“Then believe me when I tell you I’m not going anywhere,” you said. It was a draining session. The pair of you were drained by the time you walked in the door. Natasha held up three menus and you pointed to one at random. She nodded and went to order your dinner, knowing it’d be a bit before the food arrived.

The two of you ate in silence. It had been a long day. You and Natasha had agreed in counseling to give it one more try with adopting. You weren’t sure you could handle another heartbreak, and you knew she was feeling the same way. After dinner, you went for a walk with Natasha. This time, you were keeping the news about the adoption to yourselves, not wanting to get your hopes up. The agency had reached out saying they had someone who had chosen the pair of you to adopt their child. You could only hope they wouldn’t back out. You had met with the woman and her boyfriend, that morning, two young kids barely out of high school.

“Why did you choose us?” you asked after you had been introduced to Michael and Danielle. They shared a look and he squeezed her hand in comfort.

“When we saw you two on the list...we knew there was no other option. Our child will be safe with you two. We know it. They’ll be loved and well cared for. Dani...she didn’t have the best childhood,” Michael said. Natasha’s brow furrowed. Recognition flashed on her face and you gave her a confused look.

“You were in the Red Room,” Natasha said quietly.

“Until a woman and her family came and saved me when I was a child,” Danielle said with a nod. You understood in that moment why they had chosen you.

“We aren’t ready to be parents. But we know the two of you will love and protect them,” Michael said.

“Of course we will,” you said. You dared to allow yourself to fill with hope. This time was different. You knew it.

The two of you walked in silence, your hands laced together as you walked through the neighborhood. You smiled as you saw your neighbors in their yard with their kids, allowing yourself to imagine when it’d be you and Natasha doing that. She squeezed your hand and looked at you with a small smile.

You knew a child didn’t fix things, you weren’t naive. But you and Natasha had seven months. Seven months before the baby would be here. Seven months for things to fall apart with the process again, but you refused to allow yourself to think of that. The stress the process had put on your relationship was impossible to deny. But you had hope. It would work out.

It was another three sessions until the two of you opened up to Dr. Reynolds about the pending adoption. Neither of you had told anyone. Not Clint. Not Bucky. Not even Beth and Meri. You were both afraid that talking about it would jinx it, that Michael and Danielle would decide to keep the baby or decide that they didn’t feel comfortable with the Black Widow raising the baby.

“Have the two of you talked about it outside of meeting with the couple?” Dr. Reynolds asked. You both nodded.

“A little. We’re trying not to get too excited. We know a baby won’t fix us. We know a baby might complicate things more. But we feel like we’re heading in the right direction. This is what we’ve wanted for years,” Natasha said.

“I’m scared. I’m scared that we’ll allow ourselves to be excited, and the rug will be pulled out from under us again and break us. I don’t know if we can handle another heartbreak,” you admitted.

“That’s a natural reaction, especially in your situation. The two of you are in a much better place than you were two months ago when you first came to see me. Don’t get me wrong, there’s always progress to be made. But you both are in a much better place,” Dr. Reynolds said.

You left the appointment feeling lighter. You and Natasha decided to head to Mo’s after. The bar had good food, and you both wanted to talk to Beth and Meri.

When the two of you sat down at the bar, you saw the look Beth gave her wife. You weren’t surprised when a plate of mozzarella sticks ended up in front of you.

“Well aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes?” Meri asked. You smiled at her.

“We’ve been busy,” you said.

“How are things?” Beth asked.

“Good, really good,” Natasha said.

“Actually, that’s why we came in. Natasha and I...we think...we think this time it’s going to work out,” you said, keeping it vague. You saw both women light up.

“Oh, sweetheart, that’s wonderful! You two, you deserve all the happiness this world can give you,” Meri said.

“I think this calls for the good stuff,” Beth said, turning to find a bottle. You shook your head with a laugh as she grabbed a bottle to pour four shots. She may have been in her sixties but you knew better than to think her days of taking shots were over. The four of you clinked glasses before taking your shots.

You looked over at Natasha, a smile wide on your face. Things hadn’t been easy, but life rarely was. The one thing of which you were absolutely certain of was the fact that you loved her and you would never stop loving her.

Seven months later, the two of you brought home your baby, your daughter. The road had been hard, but in the end, as you sat on the couch with your wife and newborn, it was worth every bump. As the baby started crying Natasha took her from your arms.

“I’ve got her. Go take a nap. I know you had a rough few days while I was away,” she said before leaving the room. ‘Yeah. This was worth it,’ you thought with a soft smile on your face as you stood up to head toward your room.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff/reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanov/reader #natasha romanov x reader #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel reader insert #marvel reader inserts #black widow fanfic #black widow reader insert #black widow/reader

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aerial-aspie · 3 years ago

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An Autistic Point of View 21 (Summer Camp Edition)

Hi there it's Hazel! I'm finally back after a bit of a too long break because I've been struggling to find things to write about (which is also called being too lazy too) but I actually have something to talk about today! Yay!

So if you haven't seen on some of my earlier posts, I am a youth summer camp leader and 3 weeks ago I led for my first time and this is how it went.

Coming from a northern city in England, it was already difficult because everyone else was from London and were all talking gossip about people at school and would leave me out of everything, telling me I didn't want to know. I felt left out and isolated because I couldn't join in conversations as much because I didn't know who anyone was. This went on for the full four days of pre-camp preparations and it was quite difficult, another thing that happened was someone used the phrase 'you're not Jewish if you don't know...' and this was about a musical called 13 which was about a Bar Mitzvah. I'd never heard of it because I mostly know things that people tell me about or that I've seen come on tour and I wasn't sure how to respond because I didn't know it.

We also had multiple clashes in interests because the interests of all the girls (who I clashed with more) were more mainstream such as watching love island (I hate that show with a passion, it's disgusting), being die hard mamma mia fans (the songs are annoying and the film is awful in my opinion) and this is about everyone, they love pop music (again, I hate pop music and would much rather listen to vocaloid, jpop, electro swing, heavy metal and whatever is on my weird playlist). So because of this we clashed quite badly, especially over our opinions on love island because I'm so opinionated on how much I hate that show and they love it we got into a somewhat argument, so I left the building and went back to my dorm because it was the evening when we could do basically what we wanted.

Now I've gotten that off my chest, I need to say that I loved the group of people I was leading with. Yes we didn't get along interests wise and north, south divide didn't help but they were lovely to lead with and some of them I've come out with friends for life (well if we can keep in contact).

When the kids came it was so daunting, but luckily my friend Ash (who is leading with me) was on the coach with them because they had just had covid and had to isolate before coming, but they were fine.

I can't really remember fully what went on every day but I can tell you that the first meal time was horrible. I had this one kid on my table who begged me for the full half an hour about what we were doing next and I couldn't tell him at all and was panicking about what to say. I grabbed one of the senior leaders and was like "help, I don't know what to do" and he gave me some tips but even then, the kid wouldn't get off my back. He started being like "I hate it when people keep secrets from me, my mum once kept a secret from me and it was so horrible so tell me what we're doing please" (this is not exactly word for word what he said but he did bring his mum into it).

However, dinner was luckily over and I thought I was done with him but whilst we were blocking the entrance to one of the buildings whilst the activity was being set up, he went at me again and I was really struggling and panicking. Ash, who is one of my closest friends and knows me better than any of the other leaders, quickly spotted I was in a bad position and turned to me and said "Hazel, I think you're needed inside" and instantly got me out of that stressful situation. I thanked them for it later because it really saved me from a panic attack.

I only had one major panic attack through the entirety of camp, which is the best I've ever come out of one before. The one I had was because we were running early and had to think of something to do. I was suddenly told in front of all the kids with no prior warning that I was leading an invisible circus session and I found and excuse to leave the room and then I panicked. From there on out, the people running the camp knew they had to pre warn me about anything that was causing major changes and I would have to do things on the spot (even though I already told them that when we talked about my needs on a call prior to camp).

Last extremely negative moment when leading, then I'll get onto the positive sides. The kids were so hard work and one day they had 4 discipline talks and it did nothing. We were getting so annoyed and upset that Tammy had to do a full powerful speech about how upset we all were and I could see she was struggling too. Because of this, she wasn't in the next session she was leading with me (and I do not and will not blame her for it because she was so upset and needed that break). Luckily, Ethan was there to help me out and helped run the session and keep the moral high up for the kids as I was really struggling. At dinner I basically broke and after went to sit in the welfare room, there was another kid in there from another bubble and so I moved a chair just to put more distance between us and it was stuck to a phone lead and the phone clattered to the floor. This kid was very noise sensitive and was so frightened, I apologised so much to them before they got taken out and that was enough to set the tears off. There were leaders from the other camp there who knew me and comforted me (socially distant) because they understood I was having a terrible day.

I was then kicked out the welfare room because kids from the other camp were eating in there and this was for safeguarding reasons and so I got sent to one place to wait for the welfare officer but she was already there with someone else. I was basically a stranded autistic person, mid meltdown, not knowing where to go.

I did get rescued by another set of leaders who make our resources and they sat and talked to me whilst I cried it out. I really wanted to go home then, I hated it so much that day and soon the welfare officer came and I talked it out to her before ringing my parents and telling them about it.

I didn't go home in the end and made it all the way through.

Now for the good moments.

Meetings in the evenings were the funniest moments ever, where we talked about about our day and told funny stories and they never failed to make me laugh and always made my day, plus they were always followed by snacks!

We led some amazing activities where the kids got so into them and joined in with everything so that we all had a blast in the end. Site activities were so fun and I got to do high ropes, crate stacking and climbing and I loved it. Me and Ash went as a pair in crate stacking and I fell off at 6 crates, while they got to 13 and it was supposed to be a pairs challenge. But let me say, I screamed the whole way up the crate stacking.

The last night of camp talent show was hilarious. I got to do my poi in it because I was not comfortable doing what everyone else was doing, which was being randomly assigned acts on the go and you had to go up and improvise. But all the improvisation acts by the leaders were so funny, there was; the freedom sandwich song with a singer and someone with a broken finger on recorder, bohemian rhapsody without the vowels, slam poetry about the clavicle and more and it was so funny and such a great night.

The last night of camp in general was great because I pigged out on ice cream and popcorn and got my face painted as a cat. It was great except me 2 hour shift of watching the quiet sleeping area, which was dead boring but then I got to sleep early.

Finally, I did a talk on autism, at first it was just a half an hour chat session where Ash came to sit and listen and also crowd control in case anyone was silly in it. I only had 3 people turn up and another leader ran a football chat session to try and bring more people to mine (how sweet of them) so I ended up with 5 of them, all of them boys.

I thought they would mess around but they were so mature it was amazing! They asked loads of interesting questions about what it was like to be autistic and I answered them all and I loved this talk so much because I was so happy when it ended because it went so well and all the boys said I was now their favourite leader and it made me so happy.

I then ran this talk again in a session which was an hour where you could move between chats freely, whenever you wanted to. Ash was inspired by my autism talk and wanted to do one on being non-binary however, they didn't want to stop people from coming to mine. I turned round and said it doesn't matter about who comes and who doesn't, you should lead it, don't let me hold you back. And they did it! I was so proud of Ash for leading that talk.

I ended up getting all the boys in my talk, whilst Ash got all the girls (which they all apologised to me about not coming but I said it was fine and that they could come and ask questions at any time). All the boys were mature again and I got to happily chat about being autistic and I loved listening to all the questions they asked and anecdotes about people they knew and it went so well again.

Finally, my last highlight was Ash's 'why don't we talk about periods' session which most of the leaders all assisted on because it was so interesting. All the girls were sharing stories, I shared a story and even lots of boys turned up and one was brave enough to ask where the blood goes which I was so proud of him for asking. Whilst the female participants found that question funny, we were making this boy feel good for asking because we thought it was a mature question to come from a 12 year old boy and happily answered it.

To help desensitise people to some of the words we were using, we had everyone yelling period, menstruation, period blood, etc and it was good fun and I loved it.

And that's all about being autistic as a summer camp leader, will I lead again? Probably not. I considered trying again next year but it clashes with the commonwealth games and whilst there were positives from leading, there were lots of negatives too that were off putting and I'd rather go to the commonwealth games.

I hope you enjoyed it and see you next time!

#autistic experiences #actually autsitic #autism #autistic positivity #being autistic #autistic life #autistic blogger #summer camp

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dustedmagazine · 4 years ago

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Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

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Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

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