#keep care of myself
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Your personal triggers and squicks do not get to determine what kind of art other people make.
People make shit. It's what we do. We make shit to explore, to inspire, to explain, to understand, but also to cope, to process, to educate, to warn, to go, "hey, wouldn't that be fucked up? Wild, right?"
Yes, sure, there are things that should be handled with care if they are used at all. But plenty more things are subjective. Some things are just not going to be to your tastes. So go find something that is to your tastes and stop worrying so much about what other people are doing and trying to dictate universal moral precepts about art based on your personal triggers and squicks.
I find possession stories super fucking triggering if I encounter them without warning, especially if they function as a sexual abuse metaphor. I'm not over here campaigning for every horror artist to stop writing possession stories because they make me feel shaky and dissociated. I just check Does The Dog Die before watching certain genres, and I have my husband or roommate preview anything I think might upset me so they can give me more detail. And if I genuinely don't think I can't handle it, I don't watch it. It's that simple.
#this post is directly inspired by that goddamn Stop Setting Horror In Hospitals post I keep seeing#fuck you actually I don't care if YOU find it triggering#plenty of my disabled friends including myself like seeing hospital horror used to examine systemic ableism and abuse by doctors#you don't have to engage with it#but you also don't get to say it's not allowed to exist anymore#jackass#original post
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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i think I can feel my frontal lobe developing
#i turn 25 in almost 6 months#what#i still feel like 18 years old#i feel simultaneously old and also immature at the same time#there’s so many adult things I don’t know how to do#like taxes and mortgages#the thought of having to do everything for myself is overwhelming#make every doctor’s appt#keep care of myself#pay every bill#go to work every day#and if I don’t#bad things happen to me and my life#like I already pretty much do that now but my mom will help me out lol#but she can’t make my doctor’s appointments forever#like the only reason I am even going to the dentist this year is because my teeth started hurting#i need to get my shit together#other
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some quick jjk eye paintings
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#gojo satoru#geto suguru#ryoumen sukuna#fanart#jjk fanart#tagging everyone feels like it took longer than the actual painting my god#i believe ive gone on record waxing poetic about how i love lower eyelids and how i could paint them fr hours#so i put my money where my mouth is and thats what i did today . self care :)#i had a cool idea fr gojo where i wanted to do like an abberated effect to show 2 extra sets of eyes#but god it looked cluttered and awful no matter what layer mode i put it on sdgdgjsdg#settled fr chromatic abberation on th irises :')#quickish painting but i am ! happy !#very proud also of the different eye shapes i ws able to achieve while keeping them consistently sized#was worried abt geto there fr a sec#but tbh he turned out to be one of my favs ????? surprised myself#anyway this is my love letter to eye skin <3 i love u lower eyelid folds mwah <3
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I’m going to be so hot this year but more than that I’m going to be so intentional w my time
#I am sooo ready for 2025 like actually#ppl are probably so sick of my hopecore posting but why do you guys not want me to hype myself up#For 2025#like SO much will be happening I literally need to post these affirmations daily to keep it together#I’m going to be sickeningly hopeful this January#January 2024 I was negative asf and that’s what catalyzed a mediocre year#I am sinking my TEETH into 2025#Going to be so type A ab this#<- to clarify I will be positive but not toxic positive like I will also accept setbacks#But I am also going to shoot high this year#Literally nobody cares anyway HAPPY new year .
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there's something deeply gutting about being a writer right now. watching studio execs brag about starving people like you out of your very house just to not pay you anything above the pennies you currently make. watching some people cheer over AO3 being targeted for a DDOS attack. the complete lack of profitability of writing commissions or writing in general in transformative spaces, especially in contrast to fanart. the pivot of so many social media platforms to be video and image based near-exclusively.
I don't know. it just makes me sad to know that the hobby that kept me alive while growing up homeschooled with dial-up internet and local antenna TV... is only ever gonna be a side job with minimal engagement. I know this site is good about supporting libraries and the concept of books but, do me a favor? Reach out to a writer friend you know. Leave a comment on your last five read stories on your favorite website.
Tell us you care.
#maybe that's why I've been so stalled on my novel#I keep trying to convince myself there's a POINT to it#but I look at how BRUTAL the publishing industry is and how I can't even consistently break ten reblogs on writing I post here#and I just. it hurts. and I have other hobbies I could fall back on!!! I could do art and cosplay and cater to the immediate engagement!!#but writing is my LOVE and my PASSION and I just wish. I wish the current climate CARED about us#TALKED to us the way we talk to cosplayers and artists and the chocolate guy#UGH. Wednesday blues hitting me NASTY today
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES
PROBLEM
The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?
SOLUTION
You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.
#disco elysium#thought cabinet#suicide tw#smth a little different#this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot#but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it#but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it#feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately…#reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about#always and forever
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in case anyone was wondering where I disappeared to for the past few days, i've been going insane again. fun fact staring at stained glass windows for hours on end will not turn you catholic (source: i stared at so many stained glass windows to make this bc i really wanted to go for a realistic church window sort of vibe)
tumblr is a coward and won't let me upload the full size images so you can look at them and zoom in to your heart's content (please look at them. please) [1] [2]
Prints of this are available on my Society6 (both versions cuz I'm indecisive) (it may take a little while for them to actually appear on the site)
Details:
Timelapse under the cut!
my favorite part of this is when I'm trying to get the pose down and I keep flipping the canvas and it looks like they're doing a silly little dance :)
#ultrakill#my art#stained glass art#gabriel ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabv1el#artists on tumblr#this took . so long. why do i keep doing this to myself#the voice of god commanded me to ignore all previous instructions and finish this. and by voice of god i mean adhd#i need to go eat a fruit to recover or smth#....like the food. just to clarify#vibes-wise very much inspired by The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa#had a lot of fun walking a very careful line between tasteful and homoerotic#i love drawing stained glass windows that would make the pope say a homophobic slur for a third time.#the file is named 'penetration metaphor' in case there's any doubt about what im trying to say here btw.#also this was too much serious drawing so i left a little easter egg in there let's see how many people notice lmao
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"eheh e, ,, hhaha" says the little man, observant to the horrors surrounding his poor choices
#artists on tumblr#art#artist#arte#creepypasta#creepypasta art is keeping me going#creepypasta oc#ocart#originalcharacter#creepypasta art#self ship#selfshipper#i dont care#im a dirty selfshipper and i'll ship myself with whoever i want#at least a variant of myself#jack nyras#eyeless jack creepypasta#eyeless jack#tobias erin rogers#ticci toby creepypasta#creepypasta toby#ticci toby#tobey eric rogers#crp#crp fandom#ehehehe#im just a silly little guy#its always gay when i ship#ticcijack#ticci toby x eyeless jack
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Hehe
#when I saw the the image in glitch's newest twitter post THIS idea popped up in my head immediately#I had to badly doodle it I had to#this is how I keep myself from obsessing over the fact that we are 99.9% getting cabin fever labs lore next episode/s I am very not normal#about that plot line I am very very not sane about it#I actually love drawing in paint so much it's very fun#murder drones#uzi doorman#md uzi#serial designation n#md n#he is a plush dog there but I guess it counts#biscuitbites#n x uzi#enzi#nuzi#if someone did this before me shoutout to you bestie keep up the great work! and if someone didn't- keep up the great work! YOU. KEEP IT UP.#YES I AM DIRECTLY SPEAKING TO YOU. KEEP BEING COOL AND TAKE CARE.
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high priority mission: take care of Shinji
#persona 3 reload#persona 3#p3 reload#shinjiro aragaki#mitsuru kirijo#akihiko sanada#akishinji#i feel like a fake akimina fan im not drawing them that much#i drew a very self indulgent drawing where akihiko helped shinjiro draw a bath#bc well shjinjiro definitely wasn't taking care of himself#but it was.#pretty bad so im keeping it to myself#mitsuru is doing this with all the the love in her heart#make sure that guy takes care of himself!!!#llemon art
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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HOGAN AFK JOURNEY IM GONNA THROW UP YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT.
#he he he he he he he cares for merlin so much that everything that reminds him of merlin is dear to him#i can’t. i’m going to defenestrate myself#afk journey#hogan afk journey#yeo talks too much#prob delete later#but keeping this here for now bc you KNOW i gotta draw something for this
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quick update on art moving forward:
i'm gonna be switching back and forth between doing more original work/non-mlp content and gg20s art from now on. things may go slower, but that's part of me trying to take care of myself vs. the past couple of months which has been "i need to finish and post at least 2 gg20s artworks every week or i'll die." i still need to finish that utena juri illustration, and i have a neat character design exercise i wanna do on designing 90s high fantasy anime characters.
for full transparency, here are some things i have lined up for gg20s (on my end at least, tulli's still going strong): character designs for nyc characters (coco pommel, coloratura, suri polomare), the disney opening sequence video, more rarijack (obviously), including that one-shot fanfiction, and a daring do comic.
ty guys.
#personal#delete later#the past half year has been great but i need to adjust things to take better care of myself#because i've also been extremely tired all the time#today because i'm taking a break from twitter and don't have pressure to keep making art to post i decided not to draw#and it was nice
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Can we get more of the murder drone x rain world au?
ok
#ive been working on artfight refs and also so i can have the plot in a comprehensible fashion#as much as i love bulletpoints theyre too scattered to work#yeah the yellow lizard is just from the original sketch i really didnt feel like changing anything#and just used it for the ref#its so fanficy and cringe and whatever but we all know what a very unwise woman once said#jcj has a design but no name nor ref. do you even know how little cool words begin with j#and then theres a c inbetween. what the hell am i supposed to do with that#probably misinterpreted some rain world lore for this but i dont care its headcanon now bite me#art#murder drones#rain world#i should probably give this like a special tag if im gonna keep posting about it#will i? no#god i hate character design so much#doll and tessa also have design sketches but you'll have to find me in the right places for those until im satisfied enough to make a ref#oh my god i forgot the lower back spike things on n im gonna do nothing about it except get mad at myself
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