#karmically what did I do
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fun activities while sick with covid 😌😌 : paying taxes.
#when you moved states. but your income stayed in the original state.#but also they didn't update your address to take taxes from your new state and kept paying everything to your old state#and also you CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE and your brain feels like oatmeal#they keep asking me increasibly convoluted questions and I'm just blinking at turbotax like....... i dobnt dknow (<sound of my mucus)#the state of new york wanted to know how long I've lived here...... calculated in DAYS 😟#did I mention I have not only covid but also my period. AND I have to pay taxes??#karmically what did I do
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do you ever think about how lucanis keeps losing and losing and losing — his entire life? losing his parents, losing his childhood because of the crow training, losing his freedom, his sleep, and one year of his life due to imprisonment. then the maker smiles upon him, and he's discovering something good (rook, the veilguard team, purpose), acquiring something back (his family, his life, his freedom, his job, his city), finding some peace in mundane things (coffee, cooking, taking care of others). it feels like the scales are finally moving, balancing — only for him to lose again. he loses caterina, he can lose his city to blight, he loses at weisshaupt, he loses grip on himself (thanks to spite), he loses control — he loses himself, piece by piece. rook can help lighten the load on his chest (thanks to spite), he gets caterina back, and breathing feels a little bit easier. but loss is not done with him. he loses illario, and it feels like losing a limb, a large piece of himself violently torn away. he's visibly shaken, but no one truly knows what it takes to string the assorted pieces of himself together and keep functioning. and then loss deals what seems like the final blow: some of his friends are dead or lost, and rook is gone, too. he failed; he only knows death, doesn't he? life only takes, and takes, and takes, giving only to tease and take it back. at that moment, he's falling apart completely — until they find rook, and there's a sliver of hope once again. the scales are moving, the team wins, they eventually go back to their lives — and that's when he realizes that the final blow is the life as the first talon.
#it's written with romanced lucanis in mind but i felt like it's important to mention that he can lose treviso too#also it's easy to water it down to some sort of karmic explanation: he dealt death and that's what he gets in return#but i think it's a completely wrong and even harmful take#his story could have illustrated perfectly the cruel and abusive system that crows are;#how it breaks people; abuses them for profit and (usually) brings out the worst in them (illario)#and they lose eventually — themselves; if not power#and even if you manage to stay human and sympathetic you keep losing as well because you're trapped in this never-ending cycle of violence-#--and power play; and that would tie perfectly with zevran's story they tried to play out offscreen in the previous games#it would have been so much more meaningful and impactful than uhhh whatever they did in the game 🙃#that would give illario so much more depth as well#also i don't believe lucanis wasn't shaken after the whole illario ordeal (i think it wasn't shown in the game at all????)#like. illario is/was the closest person to him. he spent so much time with him. and yet nothing???#idc about that stupid hero of veilguard badge gimme the brothers' agony!!!!#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#rook#dragon age the veilguard#dav#dav spoilers#**meta#**writing#UH i love them both so much 😭#someone needs to do the crows rewrites.........#not me obv im not capable but i'd love to read someone's version#anyway.... what do you think.... tell me...... talk to me about the miserable brothers......
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#i hate being a leafie so much. what did i do to deserve this karmic punishment.#leafs lb#suicide tw
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despite pretty much all of the evidence from like the entirety of this year so far, i am still choosing to believe that i will
EVENTUALLY
MAYBE
SOMEHOW
manage to brute-force-exposure-therapy myself back into being able to complete one (1) unit of Outside Human Socializing
without coming home afterward feeling like i have made the world some amount worse by having done so.
#(& like i therefore deserve to feel a proportional amount of guilt for not having Known Better & Done Better & just Been Born Better)#hi friends hope you're all alive & well; i continue to be Bad at Tumblr#stuff for me has actually objectively been going hella well & this post is not representative of the whole#my new house that i actually own (!!!) is amazing & i love it & FINALLY NO MORE MOVING IT'S ACTUALLY FINALLY DONE#but also i have gone outside and talked to people twice in the past 3 days & it continues to kinda make me feel like i should die?? (:#like aw cool that was a nice night out; now time for the obligatory ideation of ritual suicide to reset the karmic balance!!#b/c i existed outside & talked to people & definitely took up Too Much Space Too Loudly in the process#i am a tar pit my existence is a drain on everything good in this world how am i gonna make up for it#I FEEL LIKE IF I JUST KEEP POWERING THROUGH EVENTUALLY MY BRAIN WILL GET BORED OF THIS RIGHT??#I THINK THAT IS WHAT I DID BEFORE..?#KINDA THINK I PROBABLY DO REMEMBER SOME PARTS OF MY LIFE WHERE IT WASN'T EXACTLY LIKE THIS EVERY TIME?#tl;dr currently choosing to believe i'm just like#supernaturally rusty at All Of The Social Skills#maybe just one of those things where (re)learning it means sucking absolute ass every time you try UNTIL#someday suddenly you Get It.#and it Just Works.
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Learning more about how elections actually work and how Trump won 2016 has gotten me thinking. All I can think is how satisfying, how poetic, how karmic it would be if Trump were to loose 2024 as he won 2016; thanks to the popular vote.
#Is it likely?#Absolutely not#It isn't impossible tho#especially since it did happen in 2016#But I'm still preparing for a Trump presidency#Something in my gut tells me something isn't right#The energy in the universe has been so weird lately#Apparently there's been some weird astrological events happening#We have two fucking moons right now#Mini moon is still in orbit for a few more days right?#The hurricanes that have been hitting us are more weird than they have ever been#And call me paranoid or a conspiracy theorist but something does not feel right about this election#Something does not feel right about a highly qualified candidate loosing to a felon game show host#I cannot believe America hates women so much that a felon is favored over a highly qualified woman#I mean I can#America really fucking hates women#But this still doesn't feel right#There's something in the air something in the energy in the whole planet that's incredibly off#Something is wrong#Maybe not with the election results#although I do think something is wrong with those in my gut#but something somewhere in the universe is off and I don't know what#And all I can think is how karmic Trump loosing to the electoral college would be#There's something in me#probably delusions but idk#that keeps thinking “this will happen”#“This was meant to happen”#“the universe is teaching Trump a lesson by having him loose as he once won”#I know this is more of an empty hope#But I will cling onto hope until the last breath I take
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this post will contain strong language.
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FUCK
FUCK
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
#over it#f everything#f everyone#f you#f them#f all yall#i cant wait to f yall over#yall gonna miss me#yall really gonna see what the f i did for yall and wish i stayed#aint nothing you can do to keep me around#NOTHING#and i will be giving peace of mind when i do#🚪 🦶🏻#yall f over for sport#what comes around goes around#yall in for a karmic b!tch slap#i hope you fail#miserably#times like this i wish i was a witch#i tried too hard for too long#yall took advantage#F#U#C#K#Y#O#im not doing well#triggered#but not in the Ξδ way
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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#im shocked beyond words that my ex messaged me today#ik its mercury retrograde and everything but of all people i didn't think she'd reach out after i stopped replying a year and a half ago#we weren't on bad terms or anything and we continued casually keeping in contact platonically after the break up#but when i entered a new relationship i just thought it was best to keep a distance#we did have a very intense relationship and a terrible break up in the span of 3 years#like if you look up the definition of a toxic karmic relationship our picture should show up#and in the long text she messaged me now she basically apologizes for having hurt me#which she already had done back then but this was a more detailed apology somehow#im not sure how to feel about this but it sure is overwhelming#i met her when i was 16 and we heavily shaped each other's formative years#trauma bonded too#its just a lot#but i do think fondly of her and i no longer resent her for anything#i just genuinely hope she finds happiness and love in whatever form it might be#i think that's what i will tell her#she also said that i was probably the closest to unconditional love she will ever experience.. which im not sure how to feel about either#i'm happy that she thinks positively of me and i know i gave everything i had to offer in that relationship#but i genuinely want her to feel happy and loved again#my things#i guess
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🫡🫥
#i can take my money elsewhere if you’re gonna be mean about it#grow up my dude#a larry bullshit tweet and taylor crying ally in the year of our lord 2023#what did i do to deserve such karmic abuse from my faves
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HATE this webbed site. why do i find random people followed why do i find people i enjoy seeing here blocked is there no peace or justice in the world…………..
#karmic justice for using the mobile app#fr i sometimes find out MONTHS LATER im like where did that 1 person go :c#idk what to even Do about it .. but it does suck
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This is pretty dark but with the whole health issues and complications, I like to think there was a moment (even if only a brief one) where baby Deya wasn't breathing when she was just born and it was horrifying for everyone.
#ask to tag#myocs#when the doctors explained to red what was happened he legit freaked the fuck out (obviously)#which was BAD because he also wasn't doing the best after delivery so he needed to stay calm and relax#gold tried to soothe him but he also knew it was a losing game. no way red would be calm until the baby was safe in his arms#meanwhile derek was waiting outside with lunita and was already full off nerves#so suddenly hearing his dad scream about how his daughter was dying almost killed him on the spot#he almost fainted and only managed to somewhat stay sane because luna was also scared and he didn't want to scare her more#she was only like 12 at the time so he couldn't exactly fall apart when he was the only adult with her#but god did he want to fall apart so bad. and he felt so much guilt at that moment#all he could think about was of how many times he said he didn't want the baby and now... this#it felt like some sort of karmic punishment#thankfully the doctors made it all better before it escalated so they could all eventually calm down#but they all still have nightmares about that day occasionally#zephyr is not the type to cry but if he ever told seba or someone else about that he probably would#his little sunshine almost didn't make it :c#(I feel bad for them all now rip)
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ik we talk about "karma" in the sense of "whatever you do will come back to bite you", but in a more realistic sense it just means action. every action has a reaction, etc. which is why its incorrect to blame your god/gods for the way you're mistreated in life bc 1. everyone has free-will and 2. they dont have control over the wheel of karma (at least not in hinduism), so when you're mistreated, you shouldn't ask "what have I done to accrue karma in the form of mistreatment" you should ask "why do these people suck so much", lol. it's not your god/gods punishing you, its other people exercising their free will and choosing to use it in a way that makes them suck as human beings 🤷 dont let people get off the hook by blaming the gods or some sort of nebulous "karma" you cant pin down, blame the people for being pieces of shits, dont let them think they're not actors in this and are just dutifully mistreating you on behalf of the laws of karma, bc they aren't, thats not how karma fucking works.
#yes yes ik i engage in 'ur gonna get ur karma' thought and 'why r u doing this to me god' thoughts too but thats like. an emotional response#its not the intellectual side of my brain speaking that knows better#its the emotional petty child in me that hates people and life that's speaking lol#if anything- with regards to karma- aka action- the only thing you should be asking yourself is 'what steps have i taken to end up in this#situation' and sometimes you didn't do shit wrong and other people just suck and they'll get negative shit for it too later#i do think 'whatever you do will come back to bite you' is true in a philosophical sense and maybe a bit in a metaphysical sense#but i dont think its always that clear or easy.#like sometimes my 'karma' is stepping on plastic water bottles or whatever other crap is on my floor bc i did the lack of action of cleanin#it up. its not that deep. sometimes its Just That.#i think karma can encompass both 'things you do will come back to you' and just simply 'action' but everyone only things its the first#when im p sure that wasnt even the original understanding of it? but maybe im wrong...#from what i gather 'what goes around comes around' wasnt the original meaning.#i think 'what goes around comes around' can stand on its own without having to be labeled karma all the time bc then ppl act like#*thats* the only karma that exist and then you end up in a thought loop about everything like 'what could i have possibly done to deserve#this' when maybe you didnt even do anything *wrong* per se you just made a poor choice#its a lot more simple than the metaphysical way people make it out to be. yes obviously everything you do something will react.#you engage in this world and the world reacts. naturally. sometimes it can be a grander 'karmic justice' thing but sometimes#you move your muscles to pick up a water bottle and a water bottle is picked up yaknow sdhjgfdshjgsd#dont get lost thinking everything is some sort of divine punishment ig is what im saying.#bc i have been there. bc some things i genuinely seriously ///cannot/// fathom why it happened to me.#also? sometimes its not your karma. sometimes how you're effected is someone elses karma.#like claiming to love something yet letting it wither and die...
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Awake at half past 2 am finishing a godsamned powerpoint presentation is my idea of divine punishment for not taking care of my shit
#i hate research i want nothing to do with it i will not CARE if my part turns out to be dumb and bad cause I don't fucking CAAAAAAAAAAARE#I don't wanna go to belgium and talk about stuff i know barely anything about if front of a whole bunch of people i DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAARS#this is karmic retribution for.........something#we did text all weekend though like#you're home with your family and your boyfriend what are you texting me every minute for 🌚#i know i know#i got it under control#I don't#but it'll be fine
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Jason Drake
Ok I have one for you that I think is hilarious to think about.
As always expect no cannon here.
It starts a month or two after Tim Drake, age 9, started to take pictures of Batman and Robin (Still Dick Grayson). Tim very much wants a sibling, but has not gathered the courage to ask his parents.
He is out, taking pictures, thinking about how he wants a sibling as his path crosses Jason Todd (six months homeless). Tim takes this as a sign and, over the course of about three weeks, lures Jason home (treating him much like a feral cat). Once Jason is safely in Drake Manor, Tim semi- forcibly (Jason is not against it per say, but is a little confused) adopts him.
Tim’s hacking is good enough that he is able to get back dated adoption records, a news announcement, Two interviews with Jack and Janet Drake about adopting Jason (credited to a journalist who died a month later in a rogue attack) inserted into all the correct places, and got Jason enrolled in Gotham Academy with Tim (backdated the enrollment records too).
They live together in Drake manor for four months before Tim’s parents get back. Tim straight up gaslights them. Without even flinching “What do you mean you don’t remember Jason?” and “Of course Jason has been here for years, here’s the interview you did” and “Adopting him was such good optics for the company”
And it works (By the by, Mrs. Mac fully supports Tim’s slow abduction and adoption of Jason and is pleased to lie to the Drake parents about it).
Within two days Janet Drake is half convinced that Jack tricked her into adopting his illegitimate son. They go to a gala and, due to elite Gothamite weirdness, no one is willing to admit they had never met the older Drake boy before, Jason playing along seamlessly. By the time the Drakes leave again, Janet is congratulating herself on convincing Jack to take in his illegitimate child (who has impeccable grades, and apparently inherited her appreciation for literature) to accompany her son. Particularly since Jason was good enough to understand that Tim was the Drake industry heir.
Jack tends to hyper focus on archaeology and lives in a near constant state of ‘That sounds fake, but I don’t know enough to dispute it’. Loves his family though. Janet accidentally convinces him that Jason must be his, never mind that Janet was his highschool sweetheart and the only person he had ever had sex with. He is not stupid, but is used to being around his genius wife and son and not understanding how they reach their correct conclusions. So just goes with it.
Both boys go out to watch/take pictures of/ stalk Batman and Robin. A few years after Dick becomes Nightwing, Stephanie is adopted by Bruce and becomes Robin. Meanwhile two unknown vigilantes, BlueJay and Ketu (named for the Hindu Winged Serpent that represent Karmic collections both good and bad) start to operate solely in Crime Alley and seem to make a game of evading the Bats and Birds.
Jason and Tim Drake take a particular interest in bettering Crime Alley, creating outreach programs and hiring for Drake industries and education programs with their parents' bemused backing (When Jason is 16 and Tim is 14, Tim discovers that several of the board members had been embezzling funds and prove it. The resulting shakeup still leaves Janet and Jack in charge on paper, but their instructions are ‘do whatever Jason and Tim say’)
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Playing through Fallout:New Vegas for the first time in years. And I'm developing a newfound appreciation for the damage done to the intended pacing of the narrative with the addition of the Courier's Stash. I wake up in Goodsprings, and as part of the extended tutorial you have Ghosttown Gunfight, the fairly self-contained faction war between Goodsprings and the Powder Gangers. And the design intent, I think, is that this is probably supposed to be a pain in the ass, with only one or two avenues of support available to you given the low level at which you'll pick this one up. Six Powder Gangers, some in body-armor, would be a serious threat, and committing to fighting against that with your dinky 9mm and a varmint rifle seems like a rough time! An actual uphill battle, doing the right thing instead of the easy thing. Fortunately, Benny inexplicably left my handy 40mm grenade launcher in the grave with me, so I cleaned up.
I'm working my way south, and, you know, in a version of the game where Benny didn't inexplicably leave my handy 40mm grenade launcher in the grave with me, this would have been the knock-on effect of my "good" Karmic choice in defending Goodsprings; the road south is littered with powder gangers who'd have been neutral had I not kicked the hornet's nest. As it stands? Free experience. I hit Primm, and fighting through the cramped hallways of the Bison Steve I encounter an enemy armed with what was clearly supposed to be the first heavy weapon I'd encounter in the world. Tight Corridors. Inexplicable Grenade Launcher. I clean up. South I go to the Mojave outpost, Nipton, that whole thing. And clearly, clearly you aren't meant to take a swing at Vulpes here, right? You're supposed to take it in, get a sense for the legion. In the version of the game that shipped you're supposed to get bodied if you try to kick the beef gate here. There are allowances in the game for if you pull it off, sure, but I did try with just the service rifle, without the glorious first-strike capabilities afforded to me by the 40mm grenade launcher that Benny inexplicably left in the grave with me. It didn't go very well!
So now I'm dogged by Legion hit squads on my way to Novac, which I get the distinct impression was not the point in the game at which this was supposed to start happening to me, because I am gathering up some pretty expensive equipment, all sold for space. I punch through to Vegas, and at this stage, the clear developer intent is that you need to spend some time milling around Freeside or Camp McCarran in order to gain access to the Strip- do odd jobs to scrape up the money, buy the forgery from Mick and Ralphs, gain monorail access, get your science skill high enough to hack the robot. Get the lay of the land, get a feel for the people, send some time stewing in the human cost of House's walled garden before you head in and hear the pitch from the big man himself.
Except I've got 5000 caps from selling off all the legion killteam equipment. In I go!
And the fun thing is, right, the Courier's stash can't be diegetic, but it is having a very direct impact on the world here. A top legion guy just went down to my inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher. Whatever else I'm roleplaying as, I am roleplaying as a guy who woke up in the possession of an inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher, and neither I nor my character can plausibly ignore that fact given its terrible bloodstained utility. I play a man, a man who would be a good man, a man nonetheless bewitched by the terrible resolutory power of the grenade launcher. My best friend, the inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher! My worst enemy, the inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher!
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The Theraprism: Good or bad?
Ya know, i've never been sure how to feel on the Theraprism, as shown in the Book of Bill. This is in large part because we get very little info on it, from any perspective other then BIll's own at least (and he is...Not a reliable narrator). Personally, I see three possible interpretations and I don't know which one is correct. To be clear, I think all of these are fairly valid: 1. Their methods seem insipid, but are actually quite effective. They seem to have been effective in the past (one of Bill's fellow patients is slated for release in the near-future apparently), and the Axolotl (who, while not exactly rich characterization himself, has, generally, been portrayed as wise and benevolent) referred to it as "what [Bill] needs the most", which would be weird if it doesn't have SOME merit. I, myself, honestly prefer this one, because I think it works better with the narrative of the Book of Bill (a book which, generally, does not encourage the reader to sympathize with Bill's plight. Pity, maybe, but the framing is very clearly that he kinda deserves this) and the schadenfreude the reader is encouraged to feel if Bill's hellish afterlife is, largely if not entirely, a self-inflicted one: That it wouldn't be particularly bad if not for his own combo of being unable to accept that he lost, that he shouldn't be allowed to do whatever he wants whenever he wants to anyone he wants, inability to form meaningful bonds with others, and, most of all, his total inability to admit to being wrong. He COULD leave at any time, if he would just actually repent, but...He's Bill, so...He won't. It just works best for me if his hell is largely self-inflicted. 2. They are harmful, possibly deliberately. This does have a fair bit of support textually. Mandatory therapy is already a pretty major ethical grey area at best (a major tenant of modern psychotherapy is that you can't make someone change unless they take the first step), they definitely engage in toxic positivity, and, of course, the "Solitary Wellness Void" is...Solitary confinement, which is a practice most modern medical institutions oppose and consider to be psychological torture. So, fair bit of support for this. 3. This is what I think was probably Alex's intent: They're a bunch of oblivious obnoxiously happy morons (as Bill himself would probably describe them) whose attempts to treat eons-old eldritch horror bad guys with puppet shows and arts and crafts is meant to be amusingly-inept rather then actively malicious, and whose effectiveness (such as it is) is down to having literally eternity to try. Kinda like what Mabel might do to rehabilitate someone. To use an analogy, think Charlie Morningstar from Hazbin, at least in the first couple episodes, where the fact that she's treating adult criminals like misbehaving children is the joke and is meant to indicate incompetence rather than malice. I get that isn't that much different from the proceeding (except in terms of "how seriously are we supposed to take this"), but still. I think all three of these have support, and, to be clear, I go with the first one not because I think it's the most supported (might be the least), but because it jives most with how I think about BIll's narrative IE as a character we're meant to, at best, pity, but not really sympathize with. I think the intent is "Bill is suffering a karmic self-inflicted punishment after all the pain and suffering he's caused", not "Bill is being medically abused and we should feel bad for him". The Book of Bill does invite readers to sympathize with Bill occasionally, but mostly past Bill, not current Bill. All viewpoints are valid, this is just trying to organized some thoughts on the subject. I sincerely hope I haven't said anything harmful here. Uh, cards on the table, I am neurodivergent, but i've never had therapy, forcefully or otherwise (although I did have an irrational fear of the possibility of institutionalization for a bit), so i'm sorta going off vibes here, sorry to say. If I said anything insensitive here, I apologize.
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