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mahayanapilgrim · 2 years ago

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TAYATA, OM BEKADZE BEKADZE MAHA BEKADZE BEKADZE, RADZA SAMUNGATE

Medicine Buddha is revered for his ability to heal physical and mental illnesses.

Engaging in practices such as reciting his mantra, visualizing him, and making offerings to him is believed to bring blessings and healing.

Medicine Buddha meditation is a healing practice treasured by many in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition. We can practice it for ourselves, or for someone we care about who is ill. The oldest Medicine Buddha sutra we know about dates from the seventh century. In that sutra, we are told the story of a bodhisattva, Medicine Buddha, who made twelve vows about how he would help living beings after attaining enlightenment. The holistic healing of mind and body was an important focus of his vows: he promised to help eradicate pain, disease, and disabilities of all kinds, as well as promote good health and optimal flourishing.

When we practice Medicine Buddha meditation, we do not do so to replace mainstream medical treatment, but to complement it. The practice purifies and removes the underlying, karmic causes of disease and cultivates the causes for holistic well-being. Such may be the power of our practice that we experience significant improvements in the symptoms, too. But we need to be clear about what we are doing.

Medicine Buddha is as much about mind as it is body. Empirical evidence shows that when we meditate, it triggers a self-repair mechanism in our own bodies. We stop producing cortisol and adrenalin, and instead enhance the production of immune-boosting endorphins and seratonin, arming our body against invasive bacteria, viruses, and other imbalances. These changes also promote positive mental states.

We invoke Medicine Buddha through the use of specific imagery and sound, reaching out to the consciousness of those numberless beings who have already attained enlightenment and who have chosen to manifest Medicine Buddha’s qualities.

The minds of buddhas are understood to be all-seeing and all-knowing. Buddhas react to their mantra in the same way we react when we hear our name mentioned, so we pretty much have a buddha on speed dial when we use their mantra. To borrow a metaphor from the late Tibetan teacher Gelek Rinpoche, when we recite a buddha’s mantra we are providing a hoop through which they can hook us into their energetic influence.

Note that Medicine Buddha is a Kriya tantra practice. As such, it is helpful that you first have some familiarity with the sutra tradition, as well as receive proper initiations and teachings from a properly qualified teacher, if you wish to fully embody the precious Medicine Buddha lineage.

Make Your Request

Ask Medicine Buddha to eliminate pain, purify disease, and/or rebalance or restore your health (or that of the being for whom you are practicing). You don’t need precise knowledge of the anatomical changes required. What matters here is intention.

Visualize that Medicine Buddha willingly responds to your request. Instantly, healing blue lights and nectars emanate from the bowl in his lap, come to the crown of your head, and flow down, filling your body, or that of the being for whom you are practicing. You can direct the lights and nectars to specific parts of the body, but there is such an abundance of them, that they will fill your whole being anyway.

Imagine that this process instantly, completely, and permanently eliminates and purifies all disease, pain, and suffering and—importantly—the causes of disease, pain, and suffering. In addition, the causes of holistic well-being of mind and body stream in with limitless abundance.

While visualizing this process, recite Medicine Buddha’s mantra. There are a few variants of the mantra, depending on lineage. This is one version of the mantra, which is in Sanskrit:

TAYATA, OM BEKADZE BEKADZE MAHA BEKADZE BEKADZE, RADZA SAMUNGATE SOHA

This is pronounced:

Tie-ya-tar, om beck-and-zay beck-and-zay ma-ha beck-and-zay beck-and-zay run-zuh sum-oon-gut-eh  so-ha.

Continue the visualization and mantra recitation for at least ten minutes if you are new to the practice. If you are a seasoned meditator, you will probably wish to go on for longer.

Dedication

Conclude your session with a dedication, such as, “By this practice of Medicine Buddha, may I (or the being for whom I am practicing), and all beings, be free from pain, disease, and suffering, and quickly achieve complete and perfect enlightenment.”

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tetitous · 2 years ago

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So, shit went to shit today, I'm not really sure how my life works right now, but somehow my Treasure Huntin' fancomics from @smovs just came in at the right time to deliver the most instantaneous karmic rebalance right behind the Musk regretting buying Twitter.

Anyways yeah I'm really happy, didn't buy the JimSo art cuz I'm just Not Normal Enough about it and my mom would start asking questions (and maybe call the hospital, who knows?), I'm absolutely gonna be Normal about this. Yeah.

#kingdom hearts #fan comic #kh sora #jim hawkins #treasure planet #smovs' cool ass comics #kh riku #no I didn't forget about the pin #he looks rad

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henrysdailys · 2 months ago

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My chances of being earth bound or having to go through a rehabilitation process in the afterlife is very very high due to my choices on earth and actions. The Catholics call it hell or purgatory ,Christians wouldn’t believe it,Buddha would call it karmic rebalance. If anyone is going to become a ghost one day it will be me

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divyaastro-ashram · 6 months ago

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Gemstones & Crystals Against Bhoot Badha

In the mystical tapestry of beliefs, the concept of bhoot badha, or ghostly afflictions, holds a significant place, often attributed to planetary imbalances and doshic disruptions. Within this framework, gemstones and crystals emerge as potent allies, offering a shield against negative energies and restoring cosmic equilibrium. Understanding their roles in astrology unveils a pathway to spiritual protection and holistic well-being, transcending mundane boundaries to navigate the unseen realms with resilience and grace.

In the realm of beliefs, gemstones and crystals serve as potent shields against bhoot badha, or ghostly afflictions by addressing underlying planetary imbalances and doshic disruptions without explicit terminology.

What is Bhoot Badha?

Bhoot Badha, a term deeply ingrained in the fabric of spirituality, refers to ghostly afflictions or disturbances caused by negative energies or malevolent spirits. According to beliefs, these disturbances stem from imbalances in planetary alignments, doshic disruptions within the individual, or unresolved ancestral issues. Manifesting as psychological disturbances, unexplained phenomena, or physical ailments, bhoot badha serves as a reminder of the intricate interplay between the seen and unseen realms in the cosmic dance of existence.

Understanding the Cause: Planetary Imbalances and Doshic Disruptions

Astrology identifies malefic planets and doshic imbalances as key factors contributing to bhoot badha, which may stem from unresolved ancestral issues:

Malefic Planets

In astrology, malefic planets like Rahu, Ketu, Saturn, and Mars are believed to exert powerful influences that can leave individuals vulnerable to negative energies. When these planets occupy prominent positions in one's birth chart, they may amplify the likelihood of encountering paranormal disturbances or bhoot badha. For instance, the presence of Saturn in certain astrological houses may herald periods of spiritual testing or karmic challenges, potentially inviting disruptive energies into one's life.

Doshic Imbalances

According to Ayurveda, an ancient system of medicine closely intertwined with principles, the three doshas—Vata, Pitta, and Kapha—govern various aspects of physical, mental, and emotional health. When these doshas become imbalanced due to factors such as poor lifestyle choices, environmental influences, or genetic predispositions, they can create energetic disturbances that attract unwanted spirits or negative entities. For example, an excess of Vata dosha may manifest as anxiety, restlessness, or insomnia, making individuals more susceptible to psychic disturbances and spiritual intrusions.

Pitru Dosha

Pitru Dosha, or ancestral affliction, refers to unresolved conflicts or ancestral karma that can manifest as disturbances in the present generation. According to tradition, the souls of departed ancestors may seek resolution or redemption through their living descendants, leading to disruptions in familial harmony or spiritual well-being. By addressing Pitru Dosha through rituals, prayers, or gemstone remedies aimed at appeasing ancestral spirits, individuals can mitigate the effects of ancestral bhoot badha and restore balance to their lineage.

Gemstones and Crystals: Balancing the Energies

These natural marvels possess unique properties that help rebalance energies:

Neutralize Malefic Influences

Gemstones like Garnet, Hessonite, and Blue Sapphire are believed to possess the power to neutralize the malefic influences of specific planets. For example, Garnet, associated with the energy of Mars, is said to provide protection against negative energies and promote courage and strength. Similarly, Hessonite, linked to the shadow planet Rahu, is thought to dispel confusion and anxiety while offering psychic protection.

Balance Doshas

Each gemstone is associated with specific planetary energies that correspond to the balance of the three doshas—Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. For instance, the Emerald, representing the planet Mercury, is believed to pacify Vata dosha and promote mental clarity and emotional equilibrium. Yellow Sapphire, associated with Jupiter, is thought to balance Pitta dosha, fostering wisdom, optimism, and spiritual growth.

Appease Ancestors

Certain gemstones hold significance in tradition for their ability to appease ancestral spirits and resolve ancestral karma. Cat's Eye, governed by the shadow planet Ketu, is revered for its capacity to alleviate Ketu-related afflictions and mitigate ancestral disturbances. White Sapphire, associated with the planet Venus, is believed to foster harmonious relationships with ancestors and attract positive ancestral blessings.

Gemstones and crystals are revered not only for their aesthetic beauty but also for their metaphysical properties, serving as conduits for cosmic energies that can harmonize and align the subtle energies within and around us. By harnessing the vibrational frequencies of specific gemstones, individuals can create a protective shield against bhoot badha and cultivate a sense of inner balance, resilience, and spiritual well-being.

Choosing the Right Gemstone or Crystal

Consulting a astrologer aids in selecting the most suitable gemstone or crystal:

● Garnet: For Mars-related issues. It enhances courage and vitality, deflecting malefic influences associated with Mars.

● Hessonite: To ward off Rahu's effects. Its protective energies shield against psychic attacks and dispel confusion caused by Rahu's influence.

● Blue Sapphire: Strengthen Saturn's influence. Known as the "stone of destiny," it promotes discipline and resilience, empowering individuals to overcome challenges.

● Emerald: Calm Vata imbalances. Its soothing energy balances the nervous system and fosters clear communication, mitigating the effects of Vata dosha.

● Yellow Sapphire: Balance Pitta dosha. Its warm and expansive energy promotes optimism and wisdom, counteracting Pitta's fiery nature.

● Pearl: Pacify Kapha dosha. Symbolizing purity and emotional balance, Pearl instills a sense of calmness and stability, ideal for Kapha individuals prone to lethargy.

● Cat's Eye: Appease ancestral spirits. This mystical gemstone dispels negative ancestral karma and facilitates spiritual evolution, paving the way for ancestral blessings.

● White Sapphire: Improve relations with ancestors. Its ethereal beauty and gentle energy foster harmony and reconciliation, bridging the gap between the living and the departed.

Using Crystals Effectively

Integrate crystals into your environment for added protection:

● Black Tourmaline or Smoky Quartz: Near doorways or windows to deflect negativity. These grounding crystals create a protective barrier, preventing malevolent energies from entering your space.

● Amethyst: In the bedroom to ward off nightmares. Its tranquil energy promotes restful sleep and spiritual protection, ensuring peaceful dreams free from interference.

● Clear Quartz: For overall purification and positive energy amplification. As the "master healer," Clear Quartz cleanses and energizes the aura, enhancing the effectiveness of other gemstones and crystals.

Remember: While gemstones and crystals offer assistance, consulting an astrologer or priest ensures a holistic approach to addressing bhoot badha, incorporating rituals and mantras for long-term resolution. Gemstone remedies, when used in conjunction with spiritual practices, create a powerful synergy for spiritual protection and well-being.

The Bottom Line

In the labyrinth of life, where unseen forces may stir unrest and disquiet, the luminous guidance of gemstones and crystals shines as a beacon of hope and resilience. Rooted in the wisdom of astrology, these precious gifts from the earth serve as tangible reminders of our interconnectedness with the cosmos, offering solace and strength in times of uncertainty. As we tread the path of self-discovery and spiritual evolution, let us embrace the timeless wisdom encoded within these sacred stones, forging a harmonious alliance with the universe and safeguarding our journey against the shadows of bhoot badha.

#bhoot badha mantras

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thevisibilityarchives · 1 year ago

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The Hungry Ghosts (2012), Shyam Selvadurai

BIPOC

Summary: At a young age, a great burden falls upon the shoulders of a young boy named Shivan. To find shelter in a family torn apart by Sri Lanka’s raging Civil War, he is forced to appeal to his grandmother’s good graces, becoming the right hand of a legacy fueled by avarice and cruelty. As he grows, this legacy becomes a part of him, something he cannot separate himself from no matter how far he travels or what journeys he undertakes. In this semi-autobiographical work, author Shyam Selvadurai carves a quest weaving together spirituality, pain, and the journal to rebalance the karmic legacy the Shivan has offset so he may free himself and his family once and for all.

Review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/5598790639

Full review: Death: one of the most frightening subjects for human beings to consider. With a sense of dread, we unconsciously (or consciously) invest in ways that extend our longevity, participating in diet regimens, religious rites ensuring afterlife, and avoid discussion of the matter.

The topic of our expiration date can be so anxiety-inducing that according to psychologists Jeff Greenberg and Tom Pyszczynski “people go to great lengths to seek security; they embrace belief systems that give them a sense of meaning — religion, values, community.” (Vedantam, Cohen & Schmidt).

What spurs this fear? It’s a complicated question, bearing in mind religious beliefs, political status, and socioeconomic status. Practitioners of certain religions have been associated with heightened fear of death due to anxiety regarding punishment in accordance with their religious doctrine. According to this 2012 study, the afterlife and risks of eternal damnation can strike fear in the hearts of many. Meanwhile, those facing political violence experience fear regarding their manner of impending death, according to Dr. Jade Wu. The seeming absence of fear by macabre-obsessed goth kids and at-peace end-of-lifers? Lacking religious connection or a fear of death, so too lies an absence of fear.

Yet there remains a final debated fear rooted in the ego–or put in nicer words–the legacy we leave behind. What comes after us, be it in terms of our family, business, or even our species?

The question of this legacy and its foothold in spirituality is a touchpoint in Shyam Selvadurai’s The Hungry Ghosts, titled after the preta of Buddhist and Chinese traditional faith. Voraciously hungry, these ghosts are sired by life that has displayed tendencies towards unfettered greed and cruelty and exist in a state of insatiability that causes relentless misery even in death to their living kindred. It is only good deeds that can resolve their lifetime errs–a rebalancing of their karma, transforming their hungry spirits into ones of peace.

Selvadurai presents us this journey as a semi-autobiographical reimagining of his life immigrating from Sri Lanka to Canada. The story begins with young Shivan, his mother, and his sister arriving at the doorstep of his grandmother during the Sri Lankan Civil War, a bloody 30-year conflict that only recently ended in 2009.

Previously cast out by her family for marrying a Tamil man, Shivan’s mother has no choice but to return with the death of his father. On the verge of homelessness, it is Shivan who manages to appeal to his grandmother and thaw her cold shoulder, acquiring shelter for the three of them and forging a bond that only grows over the years.

It’s a relationship but on equal parts manipulation and admiration. Even in his young age, Shivan understands his need to appeal to his grandmother’s every whim to earn his keep, and his grandmother in term knows his complicity extends so far as to acquire housing for his mother and sister. Still, an exceptional bond of love grows between the two, as she dotes on him, and he her, a natural matriarchal love tearing through the iron armor that has shrouded her for years. She uses Shivan as a tool, embracing his soft heart for her business needs as a landlady and business developer while Shivan’s quick wit and clear aptitude gain him more responsibility.

Unknown to both of them, a day comes when Shivan unexpectedly begins to consider his own yearnings and desires and whether they have more meaning than the needs (petty or essential) of his family. Beneath the many burdens he has carried into adulthood, a profound one surfaces: his sexuality. Illegal in Sri Lanka, Shivan’s burgeoning identity as a gay man threatens to break free as he begins to imagine a life where no longer has to accept remaining a secret. With immigration opportunities arising due to the war, he is given the chance to choose: a new life in a country where he can find freedom? Or his commitment to the woman who has given him life, shelter, and a path?

Freedom, it turns out, comes with a significant cost. Upon moving to Canada, Shivan, his mother, and his sister experience the brutality of racism, poverty, and isolation. Within the gay scene, Shivan faces fetishization from people who go so far as to use his status to manipulate and assault him, and discrimination from men who treat him as a plague to be avoided at all cost.

Racism in the gay community should not come as a surprise in 2023. It was in 2020 that hookup app Grindr announced it was removing its ethnicity filters, a longtime part of a culture in which it was normalized for men to actively promote whiteness to the upper echelons of attractiveness. The central argument of “preference vs. racism” of course can be broken down by two researchers who found:

“...Despite gay white men’s insistence that sexual exclusion was not racism but rather personal preference, and that these personal preferences have nothing to do with racism… attitudes toward sexual exclusion were related to almost every identified factor associated with racist attitudes in general. More importantly, the authors found that even gay white men who do not actively engage in acts of sexual exclusion were incredibly tolerant of racist behaviors from other gay white men who did.” (Han and Choi, 2018)

Shivan’s experiences are all the more painful as they are unexpected. He comes to Canada expecting acceptance, only to find a community wherein one aspect of himself is accepted (his sexuality but not the rest of him.

During this time, the pull of the hungry ghost he has helped create in his grandmother begins to surface, sucking misery into it year by year. Happiness cannot be attained, and tragedy abounds. It becomes clear over the years that Shivan must make amends for the pain he has caused in conjunction with his grandmother to find peace.

As human beings, we will inevitably cause harm, cruelty, and grief in our lifetime. Yet to sire a hungry ghost goes beyond the norm, and it is this we seek to avoid. And in our age of constant consumerism, greed, and rampant apathy, the book serves as a reminder to stay on the path of karmic balance, seeking balance, and accepting opportunities to remain true to ourselves and others.

This was a difficult book for me to track down through my local library in the U.S. I advise tracking down The Hungry Ghosts through Shyam Selvadurai’s website here, or trying your luck at your library if you’re in a bigger city (or Canada).

Citations:

Han CS, Choi KH. Very Few People Say "No Whites": Gay Men of Color and The Racial Politics of Desire. Sociol Spectr. 2018;38(3):145-161. doi: 10.1080/02732173.2018.1469444. Epub 2018 Jul 6. PMID: 30906102; PMCID: PMC6426121.

#thevisibilityarchives #tva #books #lgbtq #books & libraries #currently reading #diversity #bipoc authors #srilanka #gay writing #gay author #gay aapi #qtpoc #book review #queer reads #Spotify

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whitefluffybearcub · 1 year ago

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10/3/2023

— the game of low energy. You seek revenge yet you also lower yourself to the same low place which bad was done to you in the first place.

Perpetually, it becomes a vicious cycle.

10/4/2023

— karmic land. One bad deed but sparks 3 times of kindness. One seemingly good deed is actually a disguise of monumental corruption.

This human world is interesting with all sort of narratives. Do you see? What a great movie of twists and turns.

10/5/2023

— in this reality, within this frequency, all is by design and all is meant to be. Let it be. Let it run its course and experience.

— things you like to leave it aside, leave it. You don’t have to focus on it. There are things you can definitely let go at no one else’s expense.

— your perceived reality can be as magical as it can be, or anything else you want it to be. Humans live thru an simulated experience with frequency and vibration.

10/10/2023

— humans all go through low places but some bounce back, some just give in. No more what, it all has been designated. My wish for you would always be the ability to elevate. This reality is karmic and rules by karma. After the storms, there would be the most beautiful rainbows.

— don’t buy into the hype. Do what makes your heart happy.

10/11/2023

— each event, story, and scenario in the human worlds is accompanied by emotions. It is all part of the human experiences and expressions, the whole package.

All meant to be. Don’t you see but all is temporary because ultimately human worlds are an illusion. What character you are here to experience is also an illusion but your energy is eternal.

— corruptions, decay, and deceit would eventually collapse because the bridge won’t hold anymore. Then the elevating and healing start. All is by design and fate.

— in the worlds of humans, as a human, learn and experience, do your best, do your worst, all inclusive and all by design.

— in the human worlds, there is such thing as psychological operation, each reaction is a result. Each result is an expression by fate and the soul.

— what triggers you, each and every one of them is a lesson and an experience. Please don’t give in. Heal yourself from them.

Remember the only way to elevate is through patience, calmness, kindness, and mindfulness.

10/13/2023

— often times the karma is instant or In the same life experience because the soul seeks to rebalance the energy in the same course but there is also deeper karmic ties that go on via different generations, worlds, characters.

10/14/2023

— many spirits have come here to have ego be their teacher and experience. Let them learn. There is a plan for everyone.

10/15/2023

— observe. Regardless of what happens, see a person’s reaction. It is a projection of what Is deeper within them, and who they are as a person currently.

Most humans won’t understand this as they are also clouded with judgements of ego. It is a test they must learn, understand and pass themselves.

— I’d like to frame 🖼 all the kindness, beauty, and happiness I have seen in this place and be grateful for them eternally.

— in the human worlds, one would feel energies. Sometimes love, sometimes not, be aware of all energy.

10/16/2023

— some people spend a long time repeating themselves, not for the truth but for their own ego, because they always have to be right.

They do not realize they are also punishing themselves by doing that willingly.

10/17/2023

— In this humanly narrative and dimension, the ghosts that haunt you and only you because it is in your conscience via karma. You perceive your guilt and project them into this reality. Your lesson, learn well, experience it, and feel each and every feeling and emotion that this movie has to offer.

— karma is balance. Everything in the human world has both its good and bad. As perfect and amazing as anyone make it out to be, of anything, lurking in the shadows are the devil’s eyes, watching. A game that does not change because everything is operated by karma in the human worlds.

— if you expect from anyone else, you most likely Would be disappointed. It is part of the ego lesson.

10/18/2023

— if one wants to only be In pure love, they wouldn’t have come to earth, And yet what keeps all beings going In such humanly reality is love

— what you thought of as a blessing, turned out to be a curse. What you think is a curse is actually a blessing.

How do you perceive this narrative? What is your world?

— humans would always be too into human affairs and human construct while being on earth. though all fueled by ego, it is still a destined part of the human experiences.

10/19/2023

— each human comes to earth for a flavor. Each is different and yet intertwined all together like vines which support or block one another. All destined.

There would be judgements yet it is still part of the human narrative and experience.

— evil’s biggest fear is that its prey are no longer fearful because evil feeds on fear. But even evil In this reality is energy playing characters, it would have its time here and then transforms into something else when its designated course is gone through.

— whatever that triggers you and bothers you is also a destined lesson and a designated experience for you. Be reminded that the only way to elevate is unconditionally mindfulness, calmness, patience, kindness and compassion.

Ego is a strong energy within this humanly reality as it is supposed to be. Be patient. Be quiet if needed to. Sleep on everything and be considerate.

— how humans act on the outside is almost always a direct reflection of what is on the inside, showing how happy they are in this life. The unbalanced acts shows the unbalanced energy that is being held within by their spirit. That may change as the course is progressed or it may not. They must go thru this designated and destined karmic journey themselves.

If anything, be joyful with the ones of joy, be compassionate with the ones who are not so joyful. This is the only way out of this karmic maze and truly elevate.

— anything that one could not heal and turns into revenge, it always comes with a price of turning them into a monster, all innocence erased, all kindness and happiness thrown out.

— if you could elevate and see from the above, everyone in this humanly narrative is simply doing what their characters are supposed to do, experiencing their designated temporary ride as a human or as a earth inhabitant. No disorder, nor abnormal, just a ride in the simulation.

10/20/2023

— people lose themselves and become a version of someone else. A life of imitation.

— quiet courage.

— each and everyone and everything is teaching you something, allowing you to experience them.

10/23/2023

— release everything and everyone as it is. No more karma. It would be ok. All is well.

— a reflection of someone else’s energy. Remember you do not have to buy into it. You can be silent. Keep your peace and be mindful.

10/24/2023

— how ironic can a human narrative be. A monster kills another monster and yet they are ultimately the same monster but in different names and bodies.

10/25/2023

— missions become a bore. You are to find things of pure enjoyment.

— you can make words, paintings, crafts, and everything else beautiful. You can also make the your world, the reality you perceive beautiful, if that is what you are into.

— be mindful that sometimes you already have fell into the trap of ego and not know it. Let your humanly emotions and feelings be your indicator and compass. Not happy, figure out why and heal.

10/26/2023

— hell breaks loose. Thrones of pretense and puppets, along with makers of sufferings and wars.

They themselves do not realize they are also looking down at hell because they also live there, in hell.

Frequency and vibration. Ink colors one another, no longer white and clean.

To elevate. Sing the song of love, would you, or else.

— choose compassion ultimately.

— be mindful of such words, acts, emotions and feelings which are ego based. Choose higher emotional intelligence path, as if you are looking in from the outside of a story narrative without judgment.

— the wind that sings melodies, also colors the seasons, even if only inside the box.

10/27/2023

— I say this with love. Let it all go.

Choose unconditional compassion, kindness, and love. Only way to elevate in this karmic land of contrast and duality.

— a spirit embodies evil like a haunted painting. when it is enough, look away. That is when healing begins.

— away like winds that blow into this human realm. What a sight, of all emotions, colors, thrills, and feelings.

The meticulousness of the clock called fate is still fueled by love even when it chimes a different tune. What a sight. Only here in human worlds.

— be silent in that solitude, it is not loneliness but peace.

— everything and everyone here is a cycle. It has its time, progressing with changes.

— karma could be a breeze or a horrifying storm that is following you. Young things, still got a lot to learn. The seasoned might know this. Each word and action has a ripple effect that comes back to you one way or another.

Will you see soon? I hope so. Karma is a universal teacher for all here.

— the meant to be, and the not meant to be. All has been destined to play out this way in a single vibration and frequency. Could be different in another (frequency) but one is not meant to know by design.

— as discouraging as it might seem, this is the way the spirits have chosen to experience and learn, but they would never be free from ego and karma while learning and experiencing.

— a breeze that flows, could lift a veil or it could blind with sands. It does what it needs to do with such designated precision. Only Fate and karma.

— the superstars that the masses praise and adore. Each night send them your prayers because they are all at the mercy of devil. That is the only way for them to be on that level of a stage.

— everyone is trying to get on the stage.

Little do they know that the stage is entirely owned by the devil.

They won’t ever be truly happy as they climb up the stage. What little happiness they think is genuine, is actually a disguise of ego.

Devil is good at disguising ego as all things good.

How would you know ? The happiness that comes as a high but it would only last for a second. It wants you to chase the next high like you are on a hamster wheel but then you would never feel like it is enough.

10/28/2023

— one would think that evil is an disorder but it is actually a designated part of the human world. It is a teacher in disguise and It might not even know it is teaching. It is also its own experience, expression, and energy.

If all is pure and unconditional love, there would be no need to have human experience.

Light and dark, the balance, that is how human world exist. It is an energy that would always have that balance.

— evil itself is an energy that is trying to survive in this human world, just like every other beings. It feeds on fear, ego, corruption, and all delicious poisons that reflect on very low energies.

They are also a designated expression.

— everything and everyone is meant to be. All is already destined. How you react is how you perceive.

Peace, calm, kindness, compassion , and love await if that is your choice.

— know that you do not have to think about them anymore. It would be your choice. Make it wisely.

10/29/2023

— somedays it feels like everyone is trying to prove something or pretend to prove something, all about themselves.

the games of ego you play.

10/30/2023

— don’t judge, it would be a waste of energy. Everything and everyone is destined to be how and who they are in this particular frequency and dimension.

— human perceptions. What humans perceive to be beautiful humans usually would not experience the truest love because everyone seeks a pretty exterior in the ego based space, yet what humans consider to be bland and ordinary have a better chance at finding the most beautiful love in relationships. However both isn’t guaranteed.

Trick or treat , or what ?

— the hero for a certain group could also be a bastard in another. All in the perception, funny, isn’t it ?

Some see longevity, some see punishment. Some see freedom, some see karma.

10/31/2023

— human life experience comes with all range of emotions. A destined Part of the journey. Learn from it and let it all go free when it is time.

— ego and karma do indeed intertwined and become one.

— all the villains seen in the world, know that all of them are also in pain.

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diariesof-kg · 1 year ago

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The Heartbreaker?

06_03_23

Why am I so poetic? I can get really deep with my words. I guess that’s the part of me that’s still alive. I am ultimately shocked when I write about love and things. It’s a rarity that I write poems for anyone. When I do consider it a one in a million moment.

I think I will dive into this quite quickly. I am not upset or mad, because I am numb at this moment. But I am disappointed, I suppose. The fact that a friend of mine decides to do a Oprah interview and tell all without coming to speak to me is definitely grounds for never being a friend of mine again. The fact that, she decides to tell someone that she is heartbroken, because I “ghosted” her, but never used all methods to reaching out to me to check on me is the reason I am writing this out. Manipulators are like abusers, well my therapist would say they are. She needed to tell the story first to make herself seem as if I am the one doing all this. Listen, at this point, I will take the L and be the bad person, because that seems to be the narrative here.

It’s the fact that she can not reply and have the whole entire group on ‘do not disturb’ but post on social media and then return when she feels like it and, I actually don’t flinch or feel like “she’s not my friend.” Everyone goes through things! If you’ve known me, you know I hide my feelings and emotions and be that supportive friend through it all. I get quiet after Mother’s Day and post on social media and all of a sudden, I am ghosting and breaking someone’s heart. This is exactly why I am removing myself from everyone. I am tired. This shouldn’t bother me, but it does. Imagine being there for everyone and supporting them, making sure they are good when you are not and then God says “Hey Ke’Anna, I’m going to take your mother from you now.” and I still be there for everyone. Mother’s Day was hard for me and nobody cared to ask me will I be okay. I am highly disappointed in her. And it’s not just the situation now, this person will flake on you day in and day out with so many excuses. On top of that the other girl paid for her whole Bday dinner just for her NOT to show up. I was upset for the girl at the time, because that was honestly foul. No one knows how to communicate anymore I suppose but expect people to communicate. My question to her is why even start the narrative about me that isnt true. Also, I don’t like lies. I can barley lie myself, my consciousness, guilty consciousness rather just could never. Saying things like that will make people think we real life had something going on and we did not. Thankfully the person I am dating trusts me to know it’s not what she is saying.

Could you imagine if I was with the last girl or my ex. And I went to vent to them, they’d accuse me of had done something with the girl and believed her instead of me. That’s why I don’t play about my character or name. You out here doing too much. I get it, I was that friend, real friend out the group and I cared and made sure you were good, but isn’t that what friends are suppose to do? Perhaps this is my down fall. Perhaps I do a lot for people and they become platonically possessive. Maybe it’s just the taurus? I understand going through a friendship breakup, but please tell the truth. Maybe deep down inside you are projecting? Maybe you are jealous that everyone is in a relationship out the group and you are not. Imagine if me and my other bestfriend got married, since the other two in the group are married. I do recall this text though, where after I made it official, she said something about, “you are leaving me for someone else...” I will definitely find it sooner or later. I try not to read into things sometimes, because it’s literally all shits and giggles, but also you have to pay attention to the hidden truths.

Karmic energy is real. I honestly tried to help her as a friend to cut the soul ties with her exs, rebalance her chakras and vibrational energy, but she refused. Everything she has told me, you have to sit back and think this is karma. Although a person can sit and tell you what another person has done, you’d have to think than why are you surrounded constantly by negative energy. Why do things not happen for you? I believe some people are content with things happening to them. I am not. I worked so hard on my spiritual journey to unravel it all. Maybe us not being friends is the best. I mean in general what kind of friend has their do not disturb on forever in a day and is only available when they want to be. I’m sure the other girls don’t care or maybe they do, but everyone feelings do matter.

On the contrary I am disconnecting my phone, Tmobile asked me a million questions just to turn off the service. If I want to disappear into the ocean, who needs to know that Tmobile, I pay the services now turn it off. But I am going to do some candle work, which is dangerous might I add. Lol, Sage is mildly dangerous but the candles I have, I did it once and was shook by the results. That’s the reason I refuse to relit them unless necessary. I just feel entirely numb. And while being numb, I don’t feel like going to work anymore, I miss my mom. I have no one to vent about my feelings too. It’s really lonely even though I have my family and friends and my partner it’s very lonely. I thought about joining some groups in the LGBTQ community to get out the house and do meet ups, but I feel like a disease. I feel like if anyone was to hug me I’d cry and no one wants to be around that. I don’t even want to be in this vessel right now. My cousin keeps throwing away things and I think it’s adding pain within me that I can’t explain. I am not in a dark space but honestly I wish I could dig the grave site where my mom is and be with her forever. It’s almost six months and like my friend who lost her mother as well told me “it gets quiet..” no one calls, you become lonely. And it’s crazy how we mistreat others while they have a breathe in their body but as soon as they die, it’s “I miss them so much...” but 3 months later its radio silence. That’s why I don’t fear death at all. But that’s another blog for another day.

To end this blog ----

I did see my mother in my dreams, I think? It’s her but no words are spoken. I think subconsciously I am still waiting for the doctors to tell me to come pick her up. The last blog I wrote that I wanted people to miss me, but I was weak. I could careless about being missed. I just don’t want to feel numb anymore. I want to feel loved and chosen and seen like I stated, but missed, that’s what photographs are for. I do wish the friendship didn’t end like that, but that’s cliche of a statement. I wish the world was more gentle to those who are suffering in silence. I wish the world would be washed of lies and deceit. I wish those around would stop calling me rich. Don’t ask why but it does bother me. To be honest, the funds are enough to cover my funeral, if yall really want to know. But moving on, I hope me and the ocean waves meet again. Maybe the ocean will grab me and pull me somehow, but never give me back.

#lgbtq #LGBT relationship #Friendships #friends #life lessons #love #mskg #blogs #diariesofkg #mother earth #ocean waves

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cosmicangel888 · 2 years ago

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Being Happy & Less ~ Rich In Spirit

Can you be happy with less

Can you seek happiness and inner peace with less

This is the key

We are meant to live simply - it does not mean money is not important but it is not everything and you can be as happy with less -

Living superficially is not living spiritually - purely and soulfully - to learn to live soulfully rich - in which the planet sings with you - and be abundant is a divine balance and why the emotional and mental, physical wounding must be healed - first before spirit blesses you with true abundance - spirit will bless you with a true soul mate when you have done the inner work so you are matching to give, to receive equally - spiritually and in good will -

those that wait on your down fall, or for you to loose, and be sick, or in poverty - they are not your friends - they are the purpose of you moving away and being more you for you ~

All must be fully in self love, self importance and not ego or arrogance and the only way to emulate and radiate this means you have to do the inner work - healing the wounds - you cannot be with someone that is not even in the same vibration - words mean nothing - vibration is everything - all must do the work -

To be with a true soul mate and counterpart - one must do the work - otherwise it is karmic cycles and that are meant to teach you equally - but do the work, be awakened to why and who people behave and act within - then choose and realign to self love and self design

Stand in perfectly who you are and when you choose your own self value - God will place someone that truly honours you and values you and what life will - choose within -

None have the power over time, nor the will of God, nor the paths or destiny of any other - only thyself to thyself - and sometimes you have to say 'good bye' to that which holds you back and holds you in place or in old out-dated roles and subjugation -

There is no need - only by what you define - ©

There is only now, simplicity, release the rest - inner peace is everything and when you are faced with health issues, and the loss of loved ones, you realize how unfair you have been to yourself and those that have not had your utter attention, and presence due to the distractions and superficial games -

Release those that prey on throwing you off balance - or taking until there is nothing left - none would even believe what I have seen and been through - I am finally at peace because I finally let go -

I release all the pains and wounding and I know Spirit will heal - I make my past right - I need no apology or rights of others aching to rebalance in their karma being returned - I wish all well-

I respond in love and light

The past is dissipated and disappears - it is all gone and done

What is of true importance ©

Inner peace and stability and inner knowing, your connection with Spirit as spirit - when you connect with spirit - there will never be a higher form of love and knowing of then you evolve to a new rung of the creational ladder - none will hold any back from who they are and what they are meant to be - none are the writer for another -

Say good bye and let go - none have such over any other - none hold such authority - God is, the writer is of each to each-

Choice = New Reality

Blessings in the simple,

Joanna

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12thhousepoet · 2 years ago

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daily tarot reading 12.1.22

may my spirit guides speak through me, to you,

and bring the collective peace, strength, and a clear view.

R. FIVE OF PENTACLES | R. THE MOON | R. THE WELL

***as a disclaimer- the well card is an exclusive major arcana card from the ethereal visions tarot deck, which i'm using today. it's NOT part of the original rider waite tarot, but i'll explain the meaning of it in the reading!

we are in the process of closing out a cycle of poverty, lack of confidence, and failure in our lives, and we're ready to let karma lift its consequences and neutralize our circumstances for a new start. we can be walking away with a new sense of wisdom and conviction as a result of what we learned from our karmic lessons, and there is a new head on our shoulders- one that isn't easily swayed as it once was.

this is the first day of the last month of 2022, and the veil we once wore out of convenience is being stripped away so we aren't held back from our illusions. spirit is calling us to look at the year with a bird's eye view. count the versions of yourself- the many evolutions you've undergone, and rejoice because you've overcome them all.

as we reflect, we must also confront what is still weighing us down. what are the habits and beliefs you want to let go this month before january 1st? these could potentially be resolutions, but the trick is to view them as wake-up calls. maybe this time the changes we want to make won't be attempts.

the well (XXII- would be after the world) is a card that signifies depth- the capacity to create, nurture, and discover. in the reverse position, it can symbolize endings, stagnancy, ennui, or destruction. in this case, we're talking about endings and stagnancy. although this time of the year is a time we want to unwind and let go of all responsibilities, now is the time to rebalance and harmonize our energies. has your well run dry? what can you do now to fill it up again, so the next year starts quenched with abundance? if you have just come out of poverty, is there anything you can do now to share the wealth with others that may be struggling?

starting today and until the end of the month, continue to reflect and actively plan your goals, reciprocate your blessings, and show your gratitude for everything this year had to offer. the next year will start you off in a position of great power and confidence with the emperor at the bottom of the deck.

corresponding astrological signs: taurus, pisces, aquarius, libra, scorpio, aries

ALL COLLECTIVE TAROT MESSAGES ARE INTENDED FOR THE GENERAL TUMBLR COMMUNITY, AND FOR THIS REASON I ASK THAT YOU TAKE WHAT RESONATES WITH YOU AND LEAVE THE REST BEHIND. if you enjoyed today’s reading, please like and reblog my post and follow me for more 12th house blogs! if you’d like to request a personal reading with me, please refer to my pinned infographic and click the link in my description to complete the form! thank you in advance for your support and light!

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a-magpie-witchling · 7 years ago

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Benign Blood Magick

Disclaimer: Artwork belongs to their respective owners.

Trigger warnings: blood (duh), needles and cutting, mentions of suicide (anti-suicide message) and violence, cancer, blood diseases, etc.

You’re wrong.

In fact, you’re not only wrong, but you are missing out on some of THE most benign and altruist spells you could perform that will up your karmic balance several notches (see number 3 below). I don’t really believe in karma but point stands because it’s always good to help a stranger.

I hardly think there are many ways to be a gooder (? witch than through blood magick.

Plus look at that, being a blood mage is freaking badass

Let’s quickly clarify a few things before we start:

Blood magick consists, basically, of any sort of esoteric practice that involves your own blood or someone else’s.

If you come to shame blood mages here I WILL curse you with constipation or diarrhea and you won’t know which until it happens.

I don’t condone nor encourage cutting. If you’re depressed, suicidal, or addicted to self harm, please find professional help. I’ve been there. Trust me, you can get better.

Working with blood is DANGEROUS. Dried blood is AS DANGEROUS AS FRESH BLOOD. ALWAYS TREAT IT AS IF IT WAS INFECTED BLOOD EVEN IF IT’S YOUR OWN. USE YOUR FREAKING SAFETY EQUIPMENT AND STERILIZE YOUR SHIT, YOU DUMB AVOCADOS.

You can’t use your blood to represent another. It WON’T work no matter how much you try it. The only exception is your blood related direct family and here it’s quite the poor substitute. Although, spoiler alert, there’s a little exception to this rule. Your blood is, however, the most powerful representation of yourself you could use in any spell.

Blood cursing can fuck you up. Thread carefully and don’t mess with that shit if you’re a noob.

Blood willingly given is very different from blood forcefully taken. Don’t EVER try to involve robbed blood in spells that go against the owner’s free will. It WILL screw you over in ways you can’t even fathom. Blood has ways to defend itself.

Same way, dead blood doesn’t behave the same as living blood. Thus why animal blood obtained from your local butcher tends to be less potent, although still effective.

If you kill an animal to take its blood and don’t thank its spirit and/or make the best out of the rest, I will curse you with something far more serious than diarrhea, trust me.

Never, NEVER, NEVER! try to take blood from anywhere but your lip or the tips of your fingers unless you’re trained to draw blood. You can (AND VERY PROBABLY WILL) bleed out if you screw up. I’m not even kidding, people, I have first aid training. The smallest cut in the wrong place or under the wrong circumstances can cost you your life.

If you’re thinking of committing ritual suicide by slicing your wrists or otherwise bleeding out, please don’t. Really, please don’t. Your life and blood could be put to much better uses. Once more: seek professional help.

If you’re gonna be drawing blood, I highly recommend you don’t take aspirins or any other vasodilatings close to the time of your extraction or ritual. Also avoid doing blood rituals while menstruating or anemic. If you carry any blood diseases, make sure to dispose responsibly of the elements used in the spell or sterilize them thoroughly. Get checked up regularly.

Other witches will tell you blood can be used as any other ingredient/correspondence in a ritual, just like adding rosemary or cloves! Personally I don’t agree. The same way you carefully pick the right herbs, either at the store or growing them, you should be aware of the limitations of your blood. If you’ve been going through a passing ailment, your blood will be less powerful than it can actually be (like withering herbs instead of fresh ones or broken crystals instead of whole ones). This is a very open criteria, to make your blood more potent you can exercise, eat healthy, have sex, get an endorphins rush etc. Just remember you will be literally spilling your blood for this, better make it as strong as possible!

Now let’s begin

Blood magick is very versatile, as much as crystal magick or herbal magick, so it all depends on your intent and how you handle this powerful raw energy. I’m only going to cover BENIGN blood magick in a couple of ways I’ve seen haven’t been addressed much or at all by other witches, since there are tons of resources for blood mages, so we can skip most of the typical uses and focus on less heard stuff.

1) Blood magick without extracting blood

Yep. No, I’m not crazy. Well, actually I might be but this doesn’t invalidate my point.

You can perform blood magick without taking a single drop of blood from anyone’s body. And this is very good for benign blood mages.

There are basically three ways of doing this:

- Waiting for the blood to come out naturally (through a fateful cut that just happens, menstruation, etc.)

-Working with your own body heat. Holding crystals and warming them up is as good as bathing them in your blood, after all, that’s what’s making them warm!

- Working with the blood inside the body. This is SPECIALLY good for spells cast over ourselves or healing magick. Hand impositions, crystal healing, chakra alignment, whatever. ALWAYS take into consideration the blood flow and use it to transport energy across the body. It’s an inner river, make the best of it and never swim against it’s current or you could harm the person.

2) Blood magick and meditation

Sit in silence. Close your eyes. Breathe steadily and slowly.

Feel that?

Your body swaying back and forth almost imperceptibly?

That’s your beating heart. Your heart LITERALLY moves your body when you’re sitting still.

Focus on that, that’s YOUR rhythm, that’s your soul’s tempo.

Related to point 1. Your heartbeat can be one of the most powerful tools to aid meditation. USE IT.

3) EXTREMELY POWERFUL BLOOD BLESSINGS: TANGIBLY AND TRULY SAVING LIVES THROUGH BLOOD MAGICK

Now this is the reason I’m writing this post.

I’ve never in my life performed a spell for myself. All of my magical practices have been targeted to someone else. So I’ve got some experience in altruistic magick.

And guys…

BLESSED BLOOD DONATIONS.

I personally donate blood at least twice a year since I’m 0+ so my blood can benefit anyone no matter their blood type. It’s a little ritual my mom and I have. We’re also organ and tissue donation advocates and are registered as bone marrow donors in our local children’s hospital.

If you’re not sure about blood donation because the syringes freak you out, try platelet donation!

Platelets are mostly destined towards cancer patients on chemo. The needles are a LOT smaller than in regular blood donation, and the process can a while.

You know what you can do in the meanwhile if you’re not interested in the awesome movies they play?

MEDITATE.

Meditate and let all your energy flow through you. Perform a strength and purification ritual before the donation, let it get to others through your gift of blood.

HEAL through it. If you’re a witch healer, PLEASE use your blood in this manner. Lives could depend on it, and it could be you, IT COULD AND WILL BE YOU, that makes the difference.

I always try to donate as often as possible, and platelets donation has become my preferred method because unlike regular blood donation that shouldn’t take place more than once or twice a year, PLATELETS CAN BE DONATED EVERY FOURTEEN DAYS AND CAN BE THE EQUIVALENT TO EIGHTEEN REGULAR BLOOD DONATIONS.

As I said, I’ve never performed witchcraft for myself, but don’t think I’m calling myself some martyr witch. I just don’t NEED to.

When I started donating blood and platelets for my local children’s hospital’s leukemia center, I was suddenly blessed with the BIGGEST streak of good luck you could possibly imagine and it has repeated without miss since I started when I turned 18. From finding $700 innocently lying on the floor to making new friends that would later end up changing and indirectly saving my life, I was just on a roll and it repeats without a miss after donating blood. It lasts for about a week after donating.

And I think this comes from the relief and gratitude of the people you’re helping.

I’m a big fan of charities for a similar reason. Your life WILL be blessed if you bless someone else’s.

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So, bless others through your blood, which is the closest physical manifestation there is of your raw soul.

How to do this?

As I said before, strength and purification rituals before the donation are really helpful. Pro tip: carry the strength card in your wallet or pocket while you’re getting your blood extracted.

The night before as you begin your fast, draw sigils on your skin using lotion, water or other things. I DON’T RECOMMEND USING INK. Some inks -even non toxic- can be absorbed by the skin and transferred through blood to the other person and it is still debated if it could cause complications. (This is not the reason people with tattoos that are less than a year old can’t donate, this is to prevent crossed contamination).

I personally use this sigil:

“Good health and happiness”

You can also bless the water you drink (and, seriously, drink as much of the stuff as you can, it’ll make it easier for the nurse to find your veins) or use (DRINKABLE!) moon or sun water. ESPECIALLY sun water. People that require blood transfusions sometimes have spent a long time away from sunshine.

Charge yourself with non-toxic crystals (always, guys, not just for this).

If you believe in spirits or deities, ask them to enter your body and let you borrow their strength to pass onto another (depending on what deities you believe in, don’t be an ass and pass your evil little fuckers along to other people, I told you I’ll curse you with constipation).

Before the donation, exercise, eat something yummy (out of fast time), watch a comedy movie, take a nice nap, enjoy your hobbies, laugh a lot, kiss somebody, joke a lot, have (PROTECTED!) sex. Pass those endorphins along, bring joy and happiness to the recipient of the blood. There’s debate on how long the endorpins last, so doing this within 4-5 hours before donating is recommended.

I always try to donate to someone I can follow up with (in case they need more platelets in the future). Keep them in your thoughts, cast healing spells in their name (you don’t need something from them to represent them now because your own blood is in their body! YOUR BLOOD IS THEIR BLOOD NOW! You can use it!).

Every time I donate, I feel myself grow stronger. The process is a bit depleting and requires rest afterwards, but guys

Your soul becomes mingled with other people’s

It spreads out and becomes larger, wider, the reach grows and grows

You wouldn’t believe the powerful magick behind blood rituals such as this. It’s wildly agreed that blood magick is the strongest kind regardless of the witch, but guys, this?

It’s something else altogether.

-Semiramis, the Magpie Witchling

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fire-flakes · 4 years ago

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one day i am going to write my maitara dissertation and then....then you will see

#maitara is tied only with tysuki for the most underrated atla rarepair #the cynicism/idealism contrast!#the karmic ship war rebalance!#the opportunity to make fun of zuko!

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trashlie · 3 years ago

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In light of ep 179, we revisit revisit the development of Nol and Shinae’s friendship

Who is ready for another found of Ashlie Being EXTREMELY Ashlie starring me, going through old episodes and digging up things to overanalyze? 179 sheds such fascinating insight on the way Nol approached and befriended people, I HAD to go back through and re-examine both his approach and when and how those friendships began to feel real to him, with an emphasis on Shinae.

I will also shortly be putting together a part two follow up, which I’ll link to here once it’s ready!

In light of the reveal that Nol never really intended to actually be anyone’s friend - that he was trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to improve someone else’s life since he couldn’t improve his own, that he wanted to do good for someone without committing - I decided to revisit some past scenes that always gave me pause, or that I think are especially interesting to revisit with what we know and how it may have changed from what we used to believe. Like most people, I was operating under the assumption that while yes, Nol seemed to really hate himself, I thought he sought out friends he saw himself in and offered the kind of friendships he wanted in return. I was so sure that he treated Shinae the way he wished people would treat him - and while I’m not discounting that there’s probably still some truth to that - acknowledging the additional layers of his mentality in seeking these half-baked relationships makes reviewing certain scenes really fascinating.

I’ll have to do a full reread, I think, to determine when exactly I think the friendships became real for Nol. I’m inclined to think it was around the arcade episodes, but I’m not entirely certain. Maybe that’s when it starts to trigger? I feel like something about the introduction of Yui in an episode when Nol is out having fun, seeming to drop the worries that plague him, enjoying the presence of these people he’s collected to help, feels like it’s sending him a reminder: you aren’t allowed to care about these people. And what better time for him to start becoming aware of what they meant to him?

In fact, by the time Nol and Shinae meet again at the Hirahara office when Rika is finding out how Shinae can apply for a job, I think Nol has an easiness with her that suggests a real friendship is blooming? However, there’s definitely things I’ve questioned about those episodes that stay on my mind: why is Nol so insistent about working with friends, is there any meaning to his dejected expression when Kousuke whisks him off to dinner, and what’s up in the car?

Here’s the thing: he’s obviously pushing it because it is his karmic duty or whatever to help her in whatever way he can. If a job would make things better for her, he’s going to encourage and support her as her friend (using it in bold to imply that this is his intention as Nol-balancing-the-good-and-bad not Yeonggi being a pal). In fact, he actually literally states “I’d love to work alongside friends“ in bold which is giving me pause in retrospect. Is it just because he didn’t TRULY think of her as a friend yet, that it was all fake? But my other thing is, Nol knows that Shinae isn’t exactly eager for his friendship, so if he’s pushing her to apply because FWIENDSHIP you’d think he wouldn’t use friendship as the enticer because why would she bite at that? Is it something that he’s not aware of? I can’t imagine that’s so. At any rate, he’s clearly egging her on in his quest to help improve her state of being, but boy the way he goes about it is weird.

Secondly, when Kousuke is dragging Nol out to eat, Nol wears a long expression and seems like he’s glancing back towards her - he actually does turn back and wave goodbye. This is something that makes me wonder if by this point Nol was already growing fond of Shinae as a friend. I mean, obviously he is no mood to go off with Kousuke and sit through dinner with him and listen to him insult him further, but it’s just the way his expression seems to direct towards Shinae that makes me think that maybe, even without him realizing it, Nol is feeling even worse to leave behind a friend and have to go to dinner with Kousuke.

There’s a lot of other things I continue to question about that entire couple of episodes - like, what’s with the stand off with Nol and Kousuke both take off their coats? I continue to baffle over that one because I know it’s not about Shinae. I also used to question if the little smile Nol wears after Kousuke attempts to eat the burger with his hands was a smile that Kousuke was, for once, trying something very normal, but now days, I’m willing to bet it’s a more perverse pleasure at seeing Kousuke pushed into doing something that made him uncomfortable, a quiet, mean-spirited enjoyment?

But the other thing that brings me back to that series of episodes is in the car when Nol covers Shinae with his jacket. I’ve ALWAYS contemplated that series of expressions he wears: going from a probably forced Yeonggi smile to the expression dropping a bit and a sweat drop appearing to a genuinely sad expression before he turns to look out the window. I never really was sure what I thought it meant before but now I think we have enough light to glean a little more from it. This is, of course, sheer conjecture, but I have to wonder if it’s a moment of Nol and his Yeonggi persona warring - this acknowledgment that he’s doing these things to “be a nice person” (but a truly nice person doesn’t have that stipulation attached) and maybe even feeling a fondness for her as a friend before remembering that he’s not allowed to feel that, that he’s not supposed to care about any of these people, that it’s dangerous to actually befriend people. I don’t know when Nol would have had to take his tests to apply to Oxford, but I wonder if by that point he already knew his plans, and entangling with anyone knew made him feel guilty? Again, conjecture.

At any rate, I think it’s around this time that Nol is starting to realize these people are his friends - truly his friends, that it’s becoming real, and maybe is even internalizing that there’s something very wrong with treating people like friends when you don’t intend to keep them as such - and moreso, that he ENJOYS being their friends and wants to maintain that friendship. And Kousuke is very aware of this. I think this is important to note, because though Kousuke does not realize that Nol pretends to maintain these friendships, he does see these little moments that Nol probably thinks are private going unseen, he does see the “effect” Shinae has on him - which I’m using loosely because, again, I think it’s Kousuke interpreting Nol’s behavior differently from what it is. I think it’s also important to highlight for posts to come re: Kousuke and Shinae in regards to Nol, but that’s a post for another day.

By the time Nol is hanging out at the Wac during Shinae’s shift, I think Nol’s in a deeper conflict with his feelings. From what we know now, obviously he feels like he has an obligation to help her, because again, he’s trying to make other peoples’ lives better, he’s trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to do something nice for people. But his sense of obligation - staying the entire shift, ordering more nuggets when he thinks she needs a reprieve from shitty customers, the urging her to follow up on her application - all feel like extra steps. Now, we can also argue that Nol was probably very much like this with Soushi and Dieter. From the way he throws around the word cute and says things like “then I can see you more”, I think Nol pushes his boundaries a lot without thinking about the repercussions, so going above and beyond to help Shinae get a job isn’t out of line. But it’s also possible that going above and beyond is what leads him to truly care about these people, as real friends.

When Nol tells Shinae “I really am just trying to be a decent friend” there’s no weird emphasis on friends, his eyes are open (though he turns away so we can’t really see his face). This, plus the way he calls to follow up on her application, both make me think that it’s safe to say that by this point, Nol sees Shinae as a real friend, whether or not he’s admitting it to himself yet. It might be why he actually backed off, too; he acknowledged that he was going too far and as a friend that wasn’t okay. I realize this implies that Nol didn’t respect Shinae before their friendship became real for him, but perhaps it’s simply that he grew to respect her even more, because now he realized this friendship went both ways, and he didn’t want to make things worse for her. It went against the very thing he was trying to achieve.

This is something I wanted to establish because I think by the time of the Kim formal, Nol and Shinae are friends. We know it’s the night that she finally accepts his friendship and feels a bond with him, but I think it’s also the night Nol acknowledges to himself something he’s figured out as truth, that has BEEN true. Somewhere in the span of the arcade to the the Wac, Nol has come to enjoy Shinae’s friendship - not as as person helping her, but as a friend.

I think we see a marked transition in how Nol treats Shinae the friend at the formal vs how he treated Shinae the person he’s helping prior. Before he was trying to pull her out of her comfort zone, he was trying to lead her to things he thought would benefit her (the job, getting her more comfortable with Dieter, the way he all but pushed his friendship on her), but afterwards, he’s REALLY respectful of the boundary that Shinae drew, like really conscious of it and trying to not cross it. I know that seems like such a minor thing but I think it’s safe to say that at this point Nol is respecting Shinae as a friend. And the whole night he does this. Lines like let me know if I’m pushing your boundaries, I don’t want to push your limits, he remains mindful of Shinae’s comfort and boundary. Everything he does during the formal feels like the act of a concerned friend, a genuine friend. For Shinae, this is especially important, because Nol essentially becomes a lifeline to her during what will turn into her worst night ever.

Bear with me, this was the entire inspiration for this long post: the dance with Kousuke.

A theory I enjoyed musing about was that when Nol catches sight of Shinae laughing as he tries to make her relax during the dance, it’s the moment he realizes he likes her/starts to like her/it kickstarts feelings. Quimchee was once asked on curiouscat what Nol is into and her answer was something about a nice smile, so you can see where the theory came from. These days I don’t think Nol was catching feels at the moment - especially now that we know what his state of misery was, now that we know his friends were all meant to repair his karma, now that we know he truly believes his situation can never change or become better. Nol barely allowed himself to admit he cared about friends, I don’t think he has been developing romantic feelings. HOWEVER that’s clearly still an important moment - there would be no reason otherwise to highlight his widened eye, his shock at seeing her react to his efforts with laughter.

That is the moment, I think, that Nol realizes and admits it to himself: Shinae is a friend and he cares about her and he cares about her happiness. Doing something dumb during a moment that she’s uncomfortable and watching it work, watching it bring her laughter, has an effect on her, and the effect is realizing that he cares about this friend and he’s not just repaying bad with good. He’s being a friend.

When Shinae goes to talk to him after the dance and he returns her jacket, they have a moment that I have ALWAYS pondered over. “Shinae. We’re friends, right?” Nol asks wearing his fake smile mask. I used to think it was insecurity, because he’d tried so hard to win her friendship but now that we know he wasn’t really trying to BE friends, just faking it, I think it’s easier to read it now as, perhaps, Nol testing the waters. The realization that yeah, they ARE friends. That it’s a reciprocal friendship, that he’s done the unfathomable and once again allowed a person to mean something to him, to become a person he cares about. He’s sounding it out because now he’s realized it is real.

Which is funny, because that brings me to something else that I’ve always wondered about. When Kousuke is accusing Nol of being a skirt chaser (good lord), Nol delivers the line “What’s it gonna take for people to understand I’m only seeking something platonic. Just because she’s a girl and I’m a dude people assume I want something else” with his eyes closed. I touched on this in another post but the short version is: it’s easy to read this like Nol is lying and that he IS seeking something that isn’t platonic or something like that, because why else are his eyes closed. This isn’t a facade kind of eyes closed. But I think it’s because the lie is that Nol does want something else - he’s not even intentionally seeking friendship, it’s meant to be fake, but he’s out here acting sincerely as a friend, when he wasn’t supposed to get close to anyone. When all he wanted all along WAS something else - to help someone and balance out the good and the bad.

And instead, he ended up with a genuine friend.

(I do continue to muse over the moment that Kousuke asks Nol why he didn’t interrupt them and Nol merely looks at him without replying. Is it simply that he can’t believe Kousuke thinks that of him? Is it that he knows an interruption would have been even more embarrassing for Shinae? Is it that Kousuke didn’t even notice that the reason Shinae loosened up had nothing to do with him or her becoming comfortable but because it was Nol? That he did his part without making a scene?)

Anyway I think that moment of Nol realizing that “oh no I care about Shinae oh no she’s my friend” is especially important to highlight for the rest of what follows. Firstly, when Sangchul pushes Nol’s buttons, it involves Shinae and Alyssa. He’s stopped when Sangchul calls Shinae his bitch and it’s made worse when he brings up Alyssa and suddenly Nol doesn’t hold back. These are his friends and he is responding not as a person helping them but as someone who cares about them and their wellbeing. In fact, Nol has already dealt with two extreme encounters related to this.

One: When Kousuke has the audacity to imply Nol should be with Alyssa instead of concerned about Shinae, Nol enters a deal with him, full well knowing what will come of it.

Two: Nol runs into his father and finally stands up to him, willing to accept his wrath, because finding his friend in danger is far more important.

Regarding his father, Nol knows very well what his defiance can cost him, but he’s worried enough about Shinae that it’s a risk he’s willing to take. Notably, too, he refers to Shinae as a friend and there’s no implications he’s lying. Not only is his fake friendship real, but it’s worth defying his father.

(Of course it’s worth noting: Nol already believes that caring about people leads to their harm. He believes that he makes bad things happen, that the good and bad balance is off and bad will continue to follow him. So, it’s safe to assume that as well as acknowledging that he cares about Shinae, he also believes she’s in danger because of him, because he cared about her and now he has to fix this, too. But that also leads to my next point.)

When Nol tells Kousuke he’ll do whatever he asks of him until the end of the year, he already knows what it will be. Kousuke has already told Nol to limit his interactions with Shinae, is already trying to sever their friendship. Nol is locking himself into a promise that he will use to his benefit, because knowing that a. his friendship is not as fake as he pretended and b. another person he cares about is in danger, I think Nol has already decided to sever the tie himself. Knowing that Kousuke will tell him to stay away from Shinae, Nol makes a deal when all he had to do was walk off and ignore Kousuke. He’s already made up his mind. He’s going to help Shinae and then he’s out of here.

It wasn’t the guilt of dropping her into the pool.

It was knowing that once again harm befell someone he cared about.

(And likely both cases involve Yui.)

The fact that not only was Nol unable to help Shinae but it was him who dropped them, he’s the reason Shinae fell into the water and hit her head is obviously a heavy weight of guilt, and it merely proves to himself that he’s correct: that he cannot be friends with Shinae (or anyone else for that matter), that she is yet another in a list of people hurt because of proximity to him. Who was he kidding? Who did he think he is, believing that maybe he could have friends after all?

And thus begins Nol’s quiet exit, his attempt to extricate himself from the lives of those he’s grown to care about (and his subsequent inability to do so).

Now I don’t think the balcony scene at the hospital is necessarily changed by the revelations that Nol never sought out Shinae’s friendship for real as much as just gives further weight to moments that already resonate. When Nol talks about how it’s his guilt that brought him back, that it’s his fault she ended in the hospital - it’s not simply about dropping her. It’s his guilt that he got close to her, his guilt that he cared when he knew better, his guilt that (as he believes) he was punished for daring to do what he knew he couldn’t and she was the one harmed, to remind him he can never change his circumstances, he can never have better.

(It’s funny, how they both carry this sense of guilt. Shinae, too, thinks none of this would have happened if Nol had never taken it upon himself to look after her and take care of her. She feels the weight of being important to someone like a burden, that she’s caused people to worry, that because people care about her they’ve done rash, stupid things. Both of them feel so much guilt!)

Anyway, i think it’s really worth revisiting that episode fresh off the back of 179. It really brings an added weight to those ambiguous thought bubbles: “I’m pathetic”, “what do you even see in me, I’m just a waste of time”, “I don’t deserve you”, “I’m the bother”, Nol’s arm always reaching for what he never allows himself to grasp. Though their circumstances are different - Shinae feels like she’s failing a friend who has been nothing but good and taking out her emotions on him undservingly; Nol has come to realize how much he cares about Shinae and how he doesn’t deserve her for the way he’s lied and tricked her, for the way he tried to be something he wasn’t so how dare he think he deserves her friendship, he’s just a waste of time - they share this same sentiment towards one and other and I think in light of episode 180 it’s even more poignant. Nol and Shinae don’t know much about each other at all, but this moment at the hospital stitches them together, no matter how hard Nol tries to run away later. The emotional resonance that binds them operates at the same frequency as the other. It’s what brings them back to each other over and over, even when Nol has told himself not to. It’s what makes them so important to each other.

How can Nol move on from that? That vulnerable moment of Shinae clinging to his coat and crying, something so private and exposing, the way he provides her that moment of reprieve, a safe place to let it out, and his realization that maybe Shinae’s problems are bigger than he’d once thought, not something easily fixed by his saccharine smiles and sweetness. I don’t think it’s until later that he registers just how bad it is, but it might be the beginning of Nol realizing that Shinae suffers more than he realizes, more than she lets anyone in. How is he supposed to walk away from her after they’ve established that connection, this intimate moment of vulnerability that changes the way he sees her?

I’ll be saving THAT for the next post, though, because there’s a couple moments in particular that I really want to give time to. Nol tries so very hard to make his escape, to slip away, but unfortunately for him it’s not as easy as he expected because not only did Shinae come to embrace his friendship, but their shared experience and now mutual-trauma at the hands of Yui has brought them together, bound by a moment of vulnerability from a girl who tried so hard to fortify her walls. For Shinae, that whole night is a nightmare, half a blur that she can’t remember, a fall she has no recollection of, waking up in a hospital with no recollections of an attempted assault. It leaves her vulnerable and feeling small and the small source of comfort to her through the night was the very person who now feels he is nothing but a danger to her, that he must remove himself from her life if he’s to protect her.

And isn’t that sad? That he cares enough about his friends that he wants to protect them, but foolishly believes the only way he can do that is by leaving them?

This is what leads to my next post: how Nol is so dedicated to his cause, but also so often derailed, and how this factors into the growth and development of his relationship with Shinae. Simply put, the weight of Shinae’s importance is so heavy that not even his own moral compass can keep him on what he believes is the right path.

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Stalkyoo #this isn't really a shipping post per se but we all know that i love to howl about foundations #I feel like it's about time for me to do a reread all the way through with 179 in mind lol #It's really interesting to look at old scenes and see them in a new light or with a new added weight #the kinds of double meanings there may have been in certain dialogue #to see new motivation in things that may have seemed innocuous or even confusing; things that didn't quite make sense at the time or just #stuck out as slightly strange just slightly off because they never quite fit the narrative we knew #i also think we can see new weight to the way their friendship developed - that despite the circumstances like a weed in a sidewalk they #still managed to grow and bloom #i maintain my statement that Shinae is the moon and nol is the tide dragged back to shore by her no matter how often he retreats #their relationship seems so resilient despite it all #i can't wait to write my follow up post to this i hope i can take care of it in the next couple days #i'm heavily musing over a couple moments that - to me - just seem extra poignant now #god i'm a sucker for nol and shinae's friendship and what they mean to each other #A FUCKING SUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRR #in spite of it all he just can't stop himself from caring ;~;

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