#kakavasha mention

[vxlenst3in]

thoughts on reader comforting aventurine by singing them a song while they cuddle?? like a lullaby aventurine’s big sis sang to him often. so he often sings it lowly when reader and him are together, and now reader sings it to him to comfort him. love your stuff btw, keep it up !! 🫶

I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!! sadly i’m not creative enough to come up with a lullaby myself so instead i just chose to work with the little saying (2.1 spoilers) aventurine and kakavasha did in the end of the 2.1 storyline, and kinda made him hum it a little. i hope that’s fine too😭😭

and tysm for your sweet words🫶

"May the Mother Goddess thrice close her eyes for you, keeping your blood eternally pulsing. May your journey be forever peaceful, and your schemes forever concealed." You’d hear your boyfriend mumble sometimes, often when he didn’t know that you were around. It was no secret that he was ashamed of his past, so he’d just switch topics whenever you mentioned it.

One night you were laying in bed with Aventurine as usual, talking about your day, as he kept yawning. Eventually he crawled closer to you, wrapping an arm around you and just listening to your voice. You watched his eyes close, even though he had a rather disstressed look on his face. Rough day.

Of course you weren’t stupid, you figured by now that it was probably something his mom or sister told him in the past, something that gave him comfort. He never told you much about them, but you know that they were very dear to him, till the last breath.

Your hand moved to the top of his head, gently patting it. A slight hum escaped your lips. "May the Mother Goddess thrice close her eyes for you, keeping your blood eternally pulsing…" His eyes practically shot open as he listened to your words. Jaw slightly dropped. The confusion was written on his face.

"May your journey be forever peaceful, and…Ah how does it continue again?" You asked, amused by the confused look on his face.

“Your schemes forever concealed…but..how?" The gambler was lost for words, you could find slight terror in his eyes. He was utterly confused.

“I heard you mumble it sometimes. I’m sorry if it wasn’t appropriate to-“

“No, no, quite the opposite. Hearing you say it was quite comforting..” His face looked now relieved, still a bit shocked. Even his signature smirk was gone now.

In his head the 'phrase' was just a silly thing he picked up from his family and said it whenever he felt stressed, he would’ve never told anybody about any of it. But now that you knew about it, it got an entirely new meaning to him. Now that he heard those words out of your mouth, he would no longer feel ashamed. Again, quite the opposite, it made him feel safe in some type of way.

From now on you would say it whenever he needed comfort, holding him close while the words soothed the knot in his throat, that would build up whenever he felt stressed, like warm honey. Other times you’d get to hear them from him, as he told you a bit more about them. The meaning, why it comforts him, of who it reminds him of, and so on. You felt like it really strengthened your bond, so you were quite grateful.

(i’m so sorry that it took me so long to get to this request, i’ve been so busy omfggg…but tysm for reading 🫶 as always any support is appreciated, requests are open!! i also wanna thank everyone for the recent support, i never thought people would enjoy my work that much😭)

[generalsdiary]

listen I might sound crazy but you know how Aventurine would spend all of his money on his family were they alive? like they grew up poor- worse than poor, and he is always gambling yes- but he is also insanely rich. you just know he'd shower them in money and buy everything for them and that credits today have little to no meaning to him because he has gotten them too late. it wasn't "fast enough" to save them, to ease their lives. and you just know he regrets it, but still hoards more credits, gambling, earning, wasting, etc.

now allow me to draw a parallel to a character in gi most of the fandom doesn't like. dori. LET ME SPEAK- dori's sister died (in her arms) from an illness because her family didn't have enough money to buy the herbs prescribed for her sister's treatment and that is why Dori ends up cherishing every mora/money, turns in a mora hungry capitalist powerhouse and makes everything about her; just money. because she couldn't help her sibling when it mattered. also the "limitless mora" for her comes from receiving a bunch of items from Alice (Klee's mom) - they made a business deal, etc, just a detail.

and it is interesting how most of the fandom dislikes dori so much (meta wise I get it, and also some other povs), when the parallel to aventurine is a straight line and he is loved and liked by so many (granted, I love riney). no amount of mora/credits can bring their family member(s) back or fix what happened, yet they stay in it, hoarding more, be it due to our boy's luck, or Dori's deal and persistence. I know many ppl draw his line to Kaveh, but from this pov it is screaming Dori.

and yh his story is more tragic- but we are talking money rn ppl- stay focused;

here is where their characters differ in the money area. with how little regard he has towards the money, Aventurine, our Kakavasha is so kind, so so kind. he gives out freely, he doesn't give two shits while sending money to the TB (it is worth mentioning that he thinks he also HAS to do it, and that gifts and things of high material value are most appreciated, ex. the gifts the TB receives after become the captain of the ship in penacony. he sadly has a view of it that everyone needs to be given something in return, truly struggling with forming real friendships/relationships except with the TB and Ratio- which I'd love to go more into on another analysis), he openly shares his money to whomever- and in his contrast, dori would probably rather jump off a cliff than give a single gold mora coin to... well, anyone.

both have been through such tragedy and turned rich later on through various means- when it technically no longer matters to them as much as it could've mattered before- and to see one be indifferent towards it/see it as a means to an end & what ppl respond well to vs. the other be stingy to the point she is hurting people while doing it and purposefully putting them in debt (I hate you for what you did to Kaveh TWICE, dori.), makes a really interesting parallel made by hoyo ngl. thoughts?

[tree-obsession]

Aventurine, the Waste Land, the black hole, and luck- analysis on aventurine's possible fate

possible spoilers for 2.1 trailblaze mission

possible tws for suicide/suicidal idealization, mentions of slavery, and a massacre

ok there is. a lot to unpack for this mission but I would like to focus on the references to The Waste Land (by T.S. Elliot, fucking amazing poem btw) that were in Aventurine's parts?

First of all the achievements- the "Sibyl, what do you wish for?" and "She answers, I wish to die" or something like that. That is the very first thing in the poem we see- to put a long story short, it's a reference to how there was this oracle named Sibyl in Greek Mythology, blessed to live forever by Apollo. Apollo got angry after she refused to have sex with him and cursed her so that while she would live forever, her body would slowly waste away, eventually becoming dust kept in a jar. A couple of boys one day come up to this prison jar and ask her "Sibyl, what do you wish for?" and then she answers that she wants to die. This could be a reference to Aventurine, who is always so lucky but at that moment truly didn't wish to be lucky, and really did want to die. Yet he was stuck, unable to live- considering he is something of a "chosen" of Gaiathra Triclops, she could be the one who cursed him, in disguise of a "blessing" of good luck.

second, the maze scene. there were two references here, both from the fifth(fourth? it's been a hot minute since I read this poem, the details aren't all clear) part of the poem. it talks about a deserted waste land, where rain never falls, there is only lightning and rocks/sand. this matches up with descriptions of sigonia, as a desert planet that's referred to as "the unclaimed desolation", and also some of those lines are directly said in the white text that floated around the maze(which i'll be referring to as floating text from now on). the second reference was also in the floating text, which talks about how "there is another presence/person beside us", or something very similar. I don't have the direct quotation, but this is also a direct reference- within the poem, there are two travelers in this "waste land", and the narrator mentions feeling a presence that wasn't truly there. According to Elliot himself, his inspiration for this part of the poem was from an account of an Antarctic journey, where the person who wrote the account said he and his men were so out of it due to exhaustion they had begun to hallucinate another presence who wasn't actually there. this is probably referencing how mini-aventurine and present-aventurine both exist, and have existed, but the future-aventurine technically does not exist yet and literally is just popping up, clearly not "real" in the physical sense but definitely there. within the poem, there are a lot of speculations between scholars about why Eliiot decided to add this hallucinated dude in but one popular theory is that it's Christ, in disguise, which is really interesting considering The Family's Christian imagery. something to watch out for when Aventurine returns to the story (he def isn't dead, but as to when he's returning... :( i can't get my hopes up) or if anyone else analyzes this more deeply.

now, why the waste land? it's universally considered a pretty depressing poem, about how the world after World War I was torn apart and collapsing in on itself, and portrays a lot of characters who aren't living life to their fullest at all. it references many famous texts and literary works, pointing at literature as an amalgamation of all other literature and also acting as a metaphor for how everything builds off each other, so one thing collapsing could result in everything collapsing. there are a lot of references to different religions as well. perhaps the best way to put it is that Elliot was portraying a world under threat of total collapse, and asks the reader if there is anything humanity can do to save it, or if we must simply salvage what we can. the ending also implies peace is a far-off, perhaps unreachable thing since everything is so discordant. but you get the idea at this point- the poem is about decay and rotting over time. I don't have the greatest grasp on either this poem or aventurine's psyche, but the 2.1 quest revealed a lot- he is an incredibly lucky person who is in a lot of bad situations but gets out every time, and has never lost a bet (despite his life otherwise being absolutely terrible). the waste land itself could simply be sigonia, and then perhaps aventurine himself is a representation of the characters within the poem. practically all scholars agree that in this poem, all the female characters coalesce into one character, and the male characters do so too, and then there is one uniting character between the "male" and "female"- tiresias, who according to Elliot has "foreseen and foresuffered all". he is described as the most important figure in the poem by Elliot himself. Tiresias is an androgynous figure, but is referred to with he/his. he also is the only one to say "I" in the poem, and despite the fact he is blind he can see all, even the future- in mythology, he was a prophet like the Sibyl. "what Tiresias sees is, in fact, the substance of the poem", as Elliot says- in other words, what he sees seems to be the closest thing to the truth you will get.

now obviously that's pretty valuable, considering literally everyone is lying in penacony (in the livestream they said the entire guest list is filled with question marks in place of names, implying everyone's identities there were fake- other than Sparkle's, but she's a Masked Fool and will trick people just for the hell of it, so not exactly the best ally). however (this is where speculation starts) I think this could be possibly very subtle foreshadowing for Aven's return! and I know this may sound delusional but. it's established he's not dead. his stone is out, but that's quite possibly because he's next to a fricking black hole and also Acheron possibly had "freed" him, in some sense? that conversation he had with her obviously changed a lot of things for him as a character, and she said she could break the harmony's bonds on him... also, clearly if he wasn't dead while waking up next to a black hole, that's certainly a surefire way to tell his luck hasn't run out yet. the entire mission was spent establishing his luck is perfect, given by the goddess of his planet, and will never fail him. this is like near emanator-level shit- obviously not quite in terms of any special power, but he was specifically chosen by this goddess, was born on a special day, and due to sheer luck is the last one standing of his clan (apparently). literally everything was set up against him and he's only still alive due to a literal goddess-given power, which is absolutely nuts and almost overpowered if it weren't for the fact that he also seems to be in many scenarios where luck and gambling is the only way to get out at all. the massacre, the enslavement, killing his old master, the weird warlord thing that got brought up, penacony... his luck is purely for getting out of bad situations, it seems.

that was kind of a tangent. anyway! the whole mission was establishing how good his luck was. he got into this situation where the only solution is to walk into a black hole and see the other side of penacony- that is a classic example of "there is an extremely, extremely narrow chance of getting out alive". acheron did it, or something similar, so clearly it's possible- but luck and chance would be the only way. this is the cycle of his life- he's in an absolutely shitty situation, but he will get out due to luck. imo it's a terrible idea writing-wise to keep him explicitly alive up to the very end and going into a situation- alive- which he can survive in due to his luck, right after giving him fulfilling conversation with both acheron and his past self and seeing the uplifting note from Ratio... just to offscreen him, or kill him for some reason related to this "other side of penacony". it wouldn't line up with all that we know about him now. granted, I can't imagine it'll be pleasant and his mental state will be even worse at the end of it... but he'll be alive, and he's made it through a lot of hellish situations. he might not like his luck all the time, and it can be either a blessing or a curse given the scenario, but he's kind of stuck with it- until he withers away, just like Sibyl. Death does seem to be inevitable, but as of right now it's not knocking on his door.

tldr: for now, our boy isn't dead and his luck might be a curse to him but it's clearly going to keep him alive for quite a bit longer :)

tysm for reading and have a nice day!

[clowningclownn]

played hsr story and it made me cry so i drew this

[generalsdiary]

alrighty- guys prepare for siren!ratio cos I am cooking sm up

Messy merman / siren Ratio concept art, won't be refining it but I wanted to post it here for you guys

[seelestia]

cw. the aftermath of a physical altercation (implied), hurt with comfort, one mention of his real name utc. you're patching him up! 200+ wc.

“you're the first one, you know.”

the epiphany relayed to you falls softly from aventurine's lips, offering itself up for your listening ears as you dab a cotton over his scarred cheek. whatever residual from the prior scuffle must've stung, but he doesn't flinch one bit. you frown at the thought that he might've been so acquainted with pain that he coats every wound using numbness as a gauze. still, your touch on him remains gentle.

“what do you mean?” you ask.

“the first one to touch me without wanting to hurt me,” he confesses.

you don't make a remark but he doesn't mind at all. he finds that your actions speak louder than your words do; how you don't pull away from him, how you let him. . . to have this, to savor this instead. how strange, really, never in his life has permission ever tasted this sweet before.

(in his mind, he distantly recalls the calloused hands of those who held him before—his family—but it's been so long, too long since he was last held so kindly. you're the first to do so in a long while.)

you feel him lean into your hand. on purpose, perhaps. whether to prove his point, a daring gamble for you could easily strike him at his lowest (you didn't) – or to relish in the taste of comfort you're providing him, something he has been denied of by both destiny and himself (for comfort only tastes acrid when it comes from someone like him).

like a pair of arms open to embrace, like tears ready to be brushed away, like an unspoken invitation of: come rest, i'll be here.

(he sees them in your eyes, feels them in your touch.)

“. . .thank you.”

kakavasha whispers, almost reverent and bursting at the seams with gratitude, against your hand.

[bunni-v1]

Aventurine NSFW Headcannons

🍓This took me so long to get done, and I'm not 100% satisfied, but I wanted to get these out. There's so much I left unsaid, and I feel like if I kept going it would never stop. So enjoy the very basics of what I feel Aventurine is like in bed. Smaller posts are coming in the future so I can take time to work on the genshin stuff I have coming, alongside requests I plan on doing a full fic for <3

Tagging: @the-original-skipps (mwah mwah, just for you pookie)

Tw: Mentions of past sexual assault; Aventurine has unhealthy views of sex; Aventurine's past; NSFW; Pretty vanilla ngl; grammar errors

Info: Aventurine x Reader; Angst; Fluff

Word Count: 2.5k

MDNI

-Aventurine and sex do not mix well – at least, not at the start. 

-Much like love, he has a very jaded view of sexual intimacy. He was (heavily implied to have been) sexually assaulted by many different unsavory types when he was younger. His body wasn’t his own then, and the sex was brutal and unkind – something he hated.

-As he grew, both in stature and into his title of Aventurine of Strategems, his hatred of sex turned into something different. It was still hatred, he hated the act more than anything in the world most times, but he realized his body was good for something.

-Aventurine was an attractive man, despite his eyes being a less than savory feature to most people. His body was lean and lithe, his clothes and hair perfectly styled and trendy, not to mention the air of mystery he had drew people in like moths to flame. 

-All of it was crafted by his own two hands, of course. He was attractive because he wanted – no, needed to be. So, he made sure he was, of course, no one would do business with him otherwise.

-Pretty as a peacock, you could hardly tell he was once a slave or a dirty Avgin boy.

-He’s pleasantly surprised to find that the body he so hated being born into was a good business tool when he needed it to be.

-People really will do anything to get off, and as much as it disgusted him to do such depraved things, he would do whatever he had to to get what he wanted.

-He’d scrub his skin raw in the shower afterward, trying desperately to get the smell of sex off him. Hoping that if he scratches hard enough the ugly purple bruises will wash away with soap and water. They never do, and they leave him feeling vile until they fade.

-Regardless men, women, monsters – he really didn’t care what he was fucking so long as it got him what he was looking for.

-That’s what sex is to Aventurine, a transaction. He scoffs at the idea of it being anything more than that. Sex was rough and sweaty and all kinds of disgusting, how could anyone derive pleasure from that? You fuck, you cum, you say goodbye. Simple. As. That.

-Ah, but, then again you come along and you just love challenging his worldview don’t you? With your pretty little eyes and your sweet, comforting words. You always make him question himself. It would be annoying if he didn’t love you so damn much.

-Your first time with him is… incredibly unpleasant. It’s not as though he doesn’t account for you or your wants, but there’s a disconnect. He’s too… pliant and yet all too controlling. First times are rarely good, but this felt alien. Like the person you were with was not your beloved Kakavasha, but some strange man taking his place for the night.

-He’s doing things he thinks you want, he’s saying sweet words he’d whispered to hundreds of other partners, it’s all that he thinks you need, what he’s decided in his head that you’d like, rather than something that comes from knowing you.

-He doesn’t ask, he just gives and takes and then it’s over. It’s unfulfilling and empty, leaving you with a dull ache in your chest.

-He doesn’t even offer you or himself aftercare, and you find him scrubbing his skin red in the shower afterward like he was trying to rid himself of any trace of you.

-It makes you feel terrible. Like you’re some whore he’s picked up off the streets and not his long-term partner with whom he’s shared some of the darkest parts of himself.

-You cry into those expensive satin sheets, ruining them with your sniffling. It’s quite the sight for Aventurine to walk back into.

-He expected you to be asleep, or at least resting in some capacity, but crying? His heart sinks as he rushes to your side, then somehow falls further when you tug yourself away from him.

-He’s perceptive enough to realize that he had been the one to put you in such a state, but he didn’t really understand why.

-When he’s able to calm you enough to get you to talk to him, you’re able to explain that you felt so disregarded. There was no connection or love or care from him, did he not feel you were worthy of sharing that in moments of intimacy?

-That makes him sick. Never in a million years would he want to make you feel as though he does not love you, despite previous behaviors. You were his whole world, part of the reason he continued to exist. How could he ever make you feel unworthy of him?

-He nearly spirals there, but your tears are enough to remind him that he is not the one who needs love and reassurance. So, always eager to learn and grow with you, he asks you what you believe sex should be like… and it’s quite different from what he understands.

-You describe it like an extension of yourself. A means of intimacy and trust a level deeper than words and affection can get you. You are vulnerable during sex, you are at your weakest and you are sharing that with the person you love. It’s the most intimate thing you could do with a person, and while it can be fun and it can simply be because it feels good, it can also be because you love the other person so deeply you have no other way to express it.

-Aventurine finds the definition to be rather naive, but you had always been a bleeding heart. (Which he, regardless of if Kakavasha or Aventurine was leading charge, would give anything to protect). Yet… Kakavasha likes it. Kakavasha wants to do that with you, he wants to show you how much he loves you, he wants to hold you even closer and share such sweet nothings with you.

-He tries to toss it out initially because if he thought about it like that he would have to confront himself. Look that trauma in the eyes and acknowledge that, once again, you’d proven him wrong in a way he was annoyingly not expecting.

-But as the days go by and you slowly begin to become physical with him again, he wonders fondly how it would feel. Taking his time with you, he means.

-He couldn’t help but wonder how nice it would be to really feel your skin under his fingers. To kiss every inch of you, to hear you sigh his name like he crafted the heavens with his own two hands. Ah, Kakavasha won again, it seems.

-So he goes to you, like an apologetic puppy, and he apologizes for how terrible he was. How he reflected and regrets it, and he wants to try again and let you take the lead this time. 

-Despite everything, you say yes, and you allow him this second chance to redefine his worldview yet again.

-Aeons it’s life-changing sex. 

-Slow, careful, and all kinds of intimate. He’s still on top because he could not trust even you to be on top. He needed that control. But he listens to what you need, and he finds he’s very good at servicing you. Just as good as he is at spoiling you with his riches.

-You guide him to kiss you deeply, tongues tangling in a tango to a tempo only the two of you could enjoy. You show him how to leave love bites that make his spine tingle. How different parts of your body make you feel different kinds of pleasure. He gets to feel your skin beneath his fingertips, taste your very being on his tongue, and swallow the angelic cries of his name.

-It’s a kind of intimacy and affection he’d never been afforded in his life. A vulnerability he hadn’t expected himself to enjoy, and yet as he sobs into your shoulder at his release, he finds himself wanting more.

-It becomes a problem, really. One taste of it and you have both your sweet Kakavasha and the hardened businessman Aventurine absolutely addicted. In the privacy of his condo, he can lust after you all he wants. You would never deny him the pleasure of freedom, though you would tell him no after the third night in a row for your aching hips. (He will draw you a bath and book you an appointment at the finest spa he can get you into for the next day.)

-In his office, or during a meeting, or talking to the Doctor, however… that’s a problem. He wasn’t supposed to like it that much, but that intimacy had him aching through his expensive slacks. 

-He thinks about it all the time, and he’s taken to locking his office doors and keeping the blinds shut airtight for more than half the day. He hopes no one notices how many bathroom breaks he takes during meetings. He tries his best to forget the boner he popped in front of the esteemed doctor talking about finances.

-You literally have him addicted to being in love with you, it’s quite the conundrum you’ve found yourselves in… but, would you really ever want to change that? He’s very good in bed after all, so it can’t be that bad.

-Aventurine is a switch-leaning top (so sorry Aventio shippers), and I say this only because he does not like relinquishing control. Especially when he’s in such a vulnerable state, especially with his past traumas, he would rather be in charge than trust you and have you hurt him.

-He softens up significantly as time goes on, and he is more willing to allow you to service him how you please, but he never really gives up his control. There’s always a reminder that he has the say-so in what does or does not go.

-That being said he is very giving, without having to be asked he will happily do whatever you need of him. It’s just in his nature to service, those pretty little moans are all the payment he needs.

-I won’t lie and say he isn’t a tease, though. He’s incorrigible, actually. He loves to tease you, be it with his words or his actions, he loves getting you squirming beneath him.

-He’ll mumble against your throat how needy you are for him, how you’re already so worked up and he hasn’t even gotten past your clothes, how cute you are when you’re so needy for him. His fingers will graze you with such feather-light touch you’ll whine at him, and he always coos at you like a needy little thing – as if he isn’t the one tormenting you.

-He’s a fan of edging, which just comes with the territory too. He spends hours of his time building you up to your orgasm, crooking his fingers and swirling his tongue so you’re right there, and then he’ll pull away leaving you crying for more.

-It’s all worth it when he does let you cum, though. The orgasm shaking the very foundation of you, sticky fluids staining yet another pair of satin sheets. 

-That’s not even mentioning his dick, which he is just as talented with. It’s slim, the same shade as the rest of him, with an upward curve that rubs against your g-spot so very well without him having to try.

-It fits so snugly inside, and if you watch closely you can see the effect you have on him as his perfect poker face cracks just a little. He loves to feel you from the inside, it may be one of his favorite things in the world.

-You are warm and squishy and so very accepting of him, conforming to the size and shape of his member like you were made to do so. Like you were made for him and him alone, it’s a deeply romantic thought that he would scoff at if he were in a less hazy mindset.

-He’s rarely rough with you, preferring to show you how much he loves you more softly, though he can be rough upon request.

-Sometimes if you get him jealous enough he’ll be rough on his own accord, but never uncaring or unloving. Even when he has you face down, ass up he makes you feel like the most precious gemstone in the entire world.

-He likes sex slow and long, preferring if it is dragged out across multiple sessions with sweet nothings and gentle care between the breaks. 

-However, he rarely has the free time for such things, and as such he gets very good at making the most of the time that he does have.

-Because of his high sex drive, quickies are common, but they are no less fulfilling than the long sessions he enjoys having. 

-He’s adept at getting you to cum in under five minutes with his fingers, he can do it in two with his tongue thrown in, and that’s usually fast enough for him to quickly get off and get back to what he needs to do.

-Unfortunately, he isn’t the kinkiest guy. He doesn’t like tying up or being tied up, he’s not a fan of power play, roleplaying seems to turn him off (again, not a fan of power play, which a lot of scenarios include this), no hitting or degrading, and pretty much anything that could remotely involve hurting either of you is a no from him.

-He thinks for a while he’s fine with it, and he is willing to try anything once, but it only takes him one time to realize he does not like physical or mental pain. It’s not sexy, it’s traumatizing and he won’t be convinced to try it.

-He does, however, really enjoy you wearing lingerie. Lacy ones dotted with expensive stones are his favorites. Frequently you’ll find a set sent to you in pretty packaging with a little note telling you to ‘enjoy your present.’ Meaning, he wants a picture of you in it ASAP.

-Also a fan of seeing you in his clothes. If he spots you lounging about in his shirt after a long day of work, he’ll be all over you like a helpless puppy.

-Cockwarming you when he works from home is a favorite of his, liking the way you wiggle and squirm as he combs over documents. His poker face really is something impressive, you have no clue how he’s re-read the same sentence ten times as you clench around him again.

-Office sex is unlikely, purely because he doesn’t like you being anywhere near IPC headquarters if he can help it. But if you do stop by for some reason, the likelihood of him bending you over the desk and fucking you raw is about 99%. He does miss you a lot during the day, after all, you can’t shame him for indulging in his favorite treat after so long without it.

-He just truly, deeply loves you. Once he begins to have a healthy relationship with sex and associate it with you rather than the horrors of his past, it’s nothing but loving and delightful. He takes the whole idea that it is an extension of his admiration for you very literally, and showers you in his affections through sex.

[gay-dorito-dust]

I wanna kiss HSR men on the forehead and tell them I’m proud of them. May I request some HCs of their reaction?

Aventurine practically melts the moment your hands held his face with a warm tenderness as your thumbs softly caressed his cheeks, causing him to close his eyes and eagerly lean into your touch.

He could feel every ounce of love you had towards him in such a simple touch that he wondered how that could even be possible.

How easy you made it seem to be able to convey all your thoughts and feelings in something small like a touch of a hand, a brush of shoulders, or even a nudging of a foot; something that shouldn’t convey as much heavy emotions but did whenever you were the one performing those small gestures.

Not to mention that most of those small but impactful gestures were directed towards him made Aventurine wonder whatever could he -out of everyone else- have possibly done to even remotely deserving of any of it.

‘I’m proud of you Kakavasha.’ You said as you lifted a hand to push away his bangs and press a loving kiss to his forehead, making him whimper and press further against your lips, silently begging you for more. ‘I’m so proud of you.’ You add as you pressed another kiss to his forehead.

Such simple words and a peck to his forehead shouldn’t have so much effect over Aventurine but it did as his eyes shot open the moment he felt you pull away, looking at you with his pretty eyes with something you’ve never seen before as he muttered under his breath.

‘What was that?’ You then asked as Aventurine sighs, leaning back against the bed. ‘I said I wanted more…please can I have more.’

‘You can have as many as your heart desires.’ You tell him, pressing a third and a fourth kiss to his forehead as he allows himself to properly relax under your seemingly magical touch, letting kiss away his thoughts until only you remained.

Argenti would smile sweetly as he watched you push his bangs back to reveal his forehead, feeling your warm breath fan across his skin as your lips closed the distance between you as you pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

‘I’m so proud of you Aregenti.’ You whispered but the cherry haired knight hear you clear as day.

‘Whatever for my beloved rose.’ He’d replied as he kept you close, wishing for nothing more than to commit this tender moment to his memory ever more.

You shrug. ‘Am I not allowed to say that I’m proud of you in general rather than say it after you’ve done something spectacular? Don’t that seem a little redundant?’ You asked as Argenti chuckled, bringing his face close and nudging his nose gently against your own.

‘It does indeed.’ He agrees before posing a question of his own. ‘But wouldn’t the words loose their meaning after a while if we were to say how proud we are of each other after everything?’

‘No.’ You answered without hesitation as you looked into his pretty eyes that you loved to see first thing in the mornings you’ve shared together thus far. ‘Not if they come from your lips they don’t. I don’t think I could ever grow tired if you were to tell me how proud of me you were.’ You admit and Argenti made a face.

‘Do I not do that enough already?’ He asks genuinely curious as you smile, kissing his cheek.

‘You do but at least let me return the favour now and then. I want to praise my beautiful knight more often than not.’ You murmured against his skin.

Argenti hums as he kisses your forehead. ‘You already do so just by smiling lovingly at me. I don’t need words of praise to fall from your lips when your actions speak far louder but if that’s what you wish, then it shall be granted my beloved rose.’

Sunday

His wings would flutter when you kiss his forehead after a long day of preventing The Family from collapsing in on itself.

‘I’m so proud of you.’ You uttered into his ear, making him gasp as his wings would instinctively twitch at the sound of your voice due to their hyper sensitivity.

Then he would regain composure and smile graciously at you. ‘Thank you my beloved. It is truly a relief knowing that I’m doing right by you to earn your love and your praise, I shall not waste them.’

Sunday lives and breaths on your praises as though they were the only things giving him life. So whenever you do give him praise for anything, Sunday feels more and more validated into continuing whatever he was doing in hopes of earning more in the future.

You had a powerful, powerful man who had an innate need to prove himself to you in order to gain your trust, love and respect and won’t stop until he had it in droves.

All this was within him and locked behind a calm, cool and levelheaded facade.

He may not look like he was heavily affected by your actions and sweet words on the outside but internally his need to keep you happy and proud of him outweighed everything else as the happier you were, the less likely you were to attempt to leave him later on.

Boothill

He impatiently waits for the days where you bless his face with kisses and whatnot.

It’s his ultimate weakness and you knew that face very well whenever you watched as his cheeks went all flushed, making this shark teethed man looked about as harmless as a puppy dog, when in actuality he was anything but harmless.

‘I’m so proud of you.’

You had this man weak in the knees from that alone, but the fact that you went out of your way to press a kiss to his forehead oh so sweetly had him practically kneeling before you in worship.

‘Whatever for darling?’ He’d ask.

‘Just for being genuine yourself.’ You would response, kissing his forehead a second time and pulling back to watch as he smiled dopily.

‘If me just being myself is enough to earn me some forehead kisses and sweet praises from someone as sweet as you, then count me in sweetheart.’ He would then say as he practically melted he felt your hands as they held his face still as you kissed his forehead for a third time.

Boothill thrived off of your affection.

It was his personal drug that he could never get enough of.

[felibrary]

there's absolutely no fucking way that people actually enjoy reading and consuming content such as that. yes writing is a form of art that people use for their own pleasure and for their own source of enjoyment. but sharing that on a public platform where everyone has access to it and getting above 700 notes is absolutely horrendous and horrifying. but also writing that is absolutely fucked up and twisted.

keep in mind that you as a writer think of a prompt, an idea whatsoever to write your work. you edit it, you proofread it and perhaps in some cases you ask someone else to read over it too. and then still think to yourself "yeah this is good! let me post this." that's so awful.

although it is a work of fiction and aventurine a.k.a. kakavasha is not a real person and is fictional character. his people, his ethnicity is very much real. the story behind the sigonians is based off - no, his people are the romani/roma. a minority group of people who've been driven out and expelled from certain regions, nations, countries, centuries ago. they've been enslaved, beaten, treated poorly, looked down upon by other people.

if you played the 2.1 trailblaze mission you're surely aware of how disturbing kakavashas backstory is. he, as a little kid, ought to believe, that he was only worth 60 tanbas. 60. he has suffered for his entire childhood. in the entirety of his childhood he was endangered, enslaved, used and more, which we're probably not even aware of. that goes for kakavasha.

but also for the romani/roma, those people have endured suffering for more than a century. they've been abducted, taken away from their families, killed, their ethnicity was supposed to be cleansed out.

have we as society not learned anything from the past events? everything is written down in textbooks, can be found in the internet and so on. so, creating a work of fiction that is based off a real group of people is inhumane and mortifying.

even though the intent is "good", treating kakavasha well as his master is fucking disgusting. due to the fact that it's happening when he is still a slave and not even after his past predicament. where the reader helps him overcome his trauma. but no - its set in the same timelines as when he was a slave. it's scary to see that so many people have read that work and seemed to enjoy it.

slavery is very much real. it goes back several centuries and up to this day unfortunately still exists.

there's more to the history of the romani/roma people and i'd wish to elaborate further to spread awareness but i also want people to actually do their research about certain topics or works before creating a certain work.

i hope that in the future, such thing, won't ever happen again.

@cherieiu the ppl who enjoy this make me wanna rip my hair off istg

i'm really convinced that some of you guys can't really think straight for a minute bc what the actual fuck did i just see? 700+ likes on that certain reader insert blog about a slave aventurine? you guys really support that kind of shit? i'm so fucking disappointed but not surprised cuz you guys are insufferable amd braindead mfs ive ever seen

"it's fIcTiOnAL don't be butthurt it's not that dEeP!!!!!" i dont fucking care and if you guys think writing slave fics about someone's slavery is okay just bc you guys want some "i can fix him" moment and even defend it then go fuck off. you guys really can't be normal about aventurine huh

[azullumi]

”know it’s for the better” ; aventurine

summary — memories come in waves and tonight, he’s drowning; the grief of his past haunts him and visits him in his dreams; alternatively, you comfort and assure him after his nightmare.

pairing — aventurine (w/gender-neutral reader)

warning — 2.1 QUEST SPOILERS (about his past)

tags — established relationship, angst with comfort, soft and kind of insecure aventurine, mentions of alcohol (he just drinks a glass that’s all), there’s some fluff if you squint, lots of metaphors, mentions of death, mentions of depressing and negative thoughts, all told and narrated in aventurine’s POV, i never proofread, 2.1k words ; one-shot

tagging — @toorurs !! dedicating this to you

note — this is what reading his character analysis, character essays, scene and dialogue interpretations, and his whole ass lore and dissecting each one of it does to you. day 3 of writing for him.

“kakavasha.”

he opens his eyes to the sight of his planet: seemingly empty, barren, as nothingness continues to stretch towards the horizon. there was nothing on this land but  the stench of death and cruelty that lingers in the air—it was heavy, thick, as if the clouds were binding him down to the ground and forcing him to look at what once was. he could feel the ache in his chest, the feeling of familiarity starting to seep into gaps between his fingers, and the the lump starting to form in his throat.

he knew this place, the stones that surrounded him and the mountain that leered over him. he knew of this, was all too familiar with it—the sunken ground and disturbed dirt from when his sister knelt before him with tears in her eyes as she uttered her promise of reunion before she bid him her farewell (he’ll always carry her last words as if it was part of his existence). the memory plays in his mind all over again, the voice of his sister echoing:

“this is where we go our own way, kakavasha…”

“...this is a gift from gaiathra, and you are kakavasha, whose good fortune will bless your sister with success.”

“as long as you are alive, the blood of the avgin will never run dry. so run, kakavasha, do not be afraid, and do not look back…”

he could feel the rain starting to pour down on his form but he doesn’t run, he doesn’t move, he doesn’t seek for something that will shelter him from the cold. instead, he stands under the pouring rain with heavy shoulders and thoughts that seem to claw and scratch at him. no matter how much he tries to cover up and escape from his past, to run and run until his feet hurt, until he falls and crumbles to nothing, it will still haunt him. it chases after him; it hides in the corners of his room, behind the wallpapers, and amidst the settling dust and cobwebs, and it creeps up on tuesday mornings as he tries to revere the sun that once never shined on him. he’s always painfully reminded of the things that he has to carry—the weight of his sister who carries her parents, and who carries their parents.

“...the rain will accompany you, and the rain will bless you.”

the distant cries, screams, and roars all ring inside his ears but the sound of the rain breaking into smaller pieces as it falls to the ground that he walks on masks it all.

he feels so pathetic. the hatred that he has for himself continues to gather and manifest into his likeness to sing choruses of condemnation in the guise of shattered and broken praises that are shaped like knives, stabbing his guts and making blood spill from his lips (he doesn’t know what his mother looked like anymore yet he could remember the distinct smell and taste of iron as blood stains his skin).

“why are you all doing this…” he remembers what he answers to her sister before she walks off to her death. he remembers asking her as he covers his ears with his small hands—too weak and frail to even carry stones, much less move boulders. he remembers the pain, the confusion, the guilt of it all. he was just a small child who had too much to hold.

what even is the worth of his life? it was just merely 60 tanbas. even if he dresses himself in luxurious and expensive clothing his past self could never dream of having, it doesn’t rid of the grasp the ipc has over him; his shackles. the cold and harsh metal is not there anymore but he could still feel it tugging on his neck, he could still feel the letters burn as it engraves itself—death would have been a more merciful fate for him than being held by such cruel and dirty hands.

“kakavasha.”

aventurine opens his eyes to the sight of his ceiling. there was no empty land that is of semblance of his planet before him but instead there were the patterns, the walls, and the chandelier that hangs in the middle of it. he was in his room; the silence accompanied with the ticking sound of the clock strikes a balance between quietude and noise.

1:56, he looks at the time. it was still deep into the night—the stars cast its light into his room as it poured itself on the cold floor. there was a rustle by his side and he turned his head to look at you, peacefully sleeping in the comfort of his blankets and you mumbled something underneath your breath though he couldn’t hear it. your face scrunches for a moment before it relaxes into a soft one and he watches all of it happen; he wonders what you’re dreaming of.

unable to sleep—a heavy feeling resides in his chest ever since he woke up—, he slides himself out of the bed. slowly and silently, dare he might disturb your sleep. he slips into his slippers before walking off to the direction of his kitchen. he doesn’t even know what he’s going to do there; he’s not even thirsty nor hungry, he just follows where his feet brings him (that’s how it usually was for him, often aimless and wandering with no direction in mind, he just doesn’t where to go, where he belongs).

he’s not an alcoholic but sometimes he just seeks for the bitterness of the liquid—to replace the taste of blood on his tongue and momentarily feel what it’s like to have nothing on your shoulders; his hands are empty yet it holds so much. he pours himself a small glass, honey-coloured liquid spills into it and a few drops gets into the surface counter. he picks the glass up, swirls the liquid for a few moments and watches its motion, before he brings it to his lips and drinks it all.

the scent is harsh against his nose and the liquid burns at his throat. the taste was too bitter and he felt like spitting it all out but he didn't, he continued to swallow it until there was nothing left in his fill. he tried to think of something else, to avoid those thoughts from entering his mind: the plant there needs to be watered, that reminds me of the light bulb has to be changed, do i even have a future ahead of me?, the painting there is slightly out of place, am i even supposed to survive?, are you still in his room?

he wonders if you’re still tucked in his sheets, if you’re still sleeping in his bed, he wonders what you were dreaming of that got you mumbling and knitting your eyebrows, he wonders when you’ll walk away from him after you realize how ugly and utterly worthless he actually is.

“‘rine?” a voice calls out to him along with the light sound of approaching footsteps. as soon as you enter the kitchen, you are greeted by the sight of him: an empty glass in his hand with a newly-opened bottle of alcohol in front of him. it was currently 2 in the morning, your lover was missing from your side when you woke up but you found him drinking alone in the kitchen.

“what’s wrong, my love? are you okay?” you ask, worry following your tone as you spoke. but aventurine remains silent. he can’t tell you his thoughts, of the overwhelming despair that drags him back down to his misery, and it’s not because he doesn't want to but he can’t—it would break your heart.

(and you know his silence too well. you didn’t carve yourself inside his heart just for nothing, you didn’t consume his flesh to not know the humming of his thoughts inside his chest.)

“you know you can tell me anything, right?” you didn’t care that he’ll break your heart. you wanted all of him and that includes his hatred and anger. if it makes him feel better, break it, shatter it into pieces and you’ll keep on picking yourself up for him. even if you don’t have the ability to stop the downpour, you’ll walk with him through the rain.

after what seems to be moments of hesitation coming from him, he shuffles from his seat and approaches where you stood. and he lets himself fall and crumble for you to catch him in your embrace—he feels safe, he feels okay but the grief, misery, and guilt still tugs at his heart ever so often as it beats.

(“where do i put all of this grief?” he asked you once while you admired the stars with him. “you hold them until it turns to love.”)

you caress his back softly, a small act of comfort as you cradled him in your arms. he doesn’t put all of his weight on you but he pulls you close and buries his face on the crook of your neck, heaving out a sigh as he did; you let him, let him whisper his worries and write his thoughts on your skin.

“did you have a nightmare again?”

“…not really.” the faint smell of alcohol wafts to your nose as he speaks. “i just…”

“it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“i’m sorry.” he says and you didn’t fail to notice the crack in his voice and the feeling of something warm and wet on your skin. you hold him closer, tighter, and you brush your hand against his hair, tangling your fingers in his soft locks.

“you have nothing to apologize for. it’s not your fault, kakavasha. nothing is ever going to be your fault.”

“it feels like it does.”

“no, no, my love… you were just a child. you did all that you can to survive and fulfill your promise.”

you start to gently sway him into the melody of your hum and he follows your form like the wind would on your hair. this continues for long until he’ll let go—you’ll hold him for as long as he wants to if it would lessen his burdens.

“i wouldn’t love you any less nor will i think of you as worthless.”

he has days likes this, days where he contemplates and thinks of everything, days where he doesn’t know what to do or what to say, days where he feels like he never changed and he’s still the same weak child who walked away from his sister instead of begging and asking her to go with him (the survivor’s guilt goes hard), days where it feels like everything is falling apart and he’s left on his own again, days where all he wants to do is to just cry in your shoulder—

“are you feeling better?” you ask him as he lifts his head from your shoulder; dry tears are left like trails of stars on his features. you cup both of his cheeks and wipe away the remnants of his misery and ache.

“mhm, a little bit.” he nods and you beckon him closer to your lips just so you could kiss his forehead before peppering his whole face.

—but there are days of warmth and sunlight. days where it all feels a little bit bearable and he can breath, days where every step he takes isn’t heavy, days where he could taste the kindness of the sun on his lips, days where he wakes up with you by his side and thinks he could have this forever, days where he could hear his mother’s lullaby that would comfort him, days where he could hear his sister’s voice telling him that she’s proud of how far he have come, days where everything feels okay and worth it.

years of these little bits of happiness—in silence, in chaos, in tranquility, in destruction—he wants a lifetime of it with you. and though kakavasha was never a greedy man, the ache, the yearning, and craving for those moments with you fills the empty spaces of his thoughts; you looked like what peaceful dreams are made of.

“i love you.” he knows that you know that already, he just thought he’d say it again.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[crepezinhos]

Aventurine’s Polemic Suicide Note

POV: It’s been only a week since Aventurine tried to commit suicide in Penacony, and failed at doing so, yet, it feels like it’s been months. You two don’t really talk anymore, specifically, not about anything else that wasn’t his attempt and the letter he did for it, and it’d always lead to exhausting discussions about your relationship with him that only seemed to crack it even more. Neither of you want to be like this anymore, ghosting each other’s presence in your apartment as if you were strangers. That’s why you decided to give him a chance to make up for his wrongs, and show you what he meant when he said he desired you in his letter. Art Credits

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— This is an angsty (with slight comfort) NSFW piece

— Reader is FEMALE and uses SHE/HER pronouns

— Contains: Mentions of detailed SA, suicide, slavery, physical and mental abuse and friend-zoning. This work also contains optional visual links.

— AU is: In-Game

— Switch!Aventurine x Stoneheart!Reader

“Kakavasha.” Hearing you call out his real name after so many hours in silence made his whole body curl on itself with anxiety, making him pull the sheets on top of him a bit harder.

Your voice was as gentle and soft as before all the recent events in Penacony, yet, he dreaded it more than anything. He was ashamed to acknowledge you, to listen to you, to look at you… ashamed of himself.

“I don’t want us to be like this.” Meanwhile, you laid in the bed with your belly turned up, blankly staring at the white roof above you and him, waiting for any sort of answer from him, whose back was all you could see.

But as silence prevailed in the room, you sighed and closed your eyes in disappointment. That helped you concentrate on the memories your head was playing of your whole life to help you find more things to say to him.

It all started when you two met each other when the same man bought the both of you, and dozens of other slaves to be his servants. He gave every two slaves a cell to live in together, although all the work you two did was independent, and you ended up with him as your partner. 35 and 36 were your respective numbers along with a matching tattoo you two had on the left side of your neck. The depression of being a slave made it hard for you two to communicate and bond at first, but you two eventually built a weird, but helpful bond. One where he’d always try to help you with your tasks, where you’d let him teach about and practice his clan’s rituals with you, and more especially, one where he’d always comfort you after the abuse.

…

…

The memories flooded your mind.

Being taken to some isolated room by force, then being forced to strip down or having your clothes ripped away by his hands, and then having your body invaded, touched, used, humiliated even, for the sake of the pleasure of your master…

Sometimes he’d even have more men in the room to witness the shows or even participate in them…

It happened multiple times. Each round made you lose more and more of yourself. The sole reason why you didn’t lose faith in men was because the person who would comfort you after these dark moments was a man too. Kakavasha. He didn’t understand the concept of rape, much less the consequences of it, yet, he took care of you for hours. He only learned that the reason you’d suddenly come back to your cell completely shaky and repulsive of physical touch, sometimes naked too, was because you were raped almost 2 years after getting out of that hellhole. Then, he finally started to understand and relate to your shy personality.

You still remember the day he killed the man with his own hands. All the other slaves were immediately happy with the news and fled as soon as possible, but Kakavasha refused to get out of there without you. He went back to your cell, unchained your wrists and neck and started dragging you by your wrist out of there. He refused to let go of it, even when he wanted to rest, when he needed both his hands to work, and especially, even when IPC wanted to recruit him. The pink-haired woman who negotiated with him was solely interested in him and his cursed luck, ignoring your presence and taking it as an inconvenience mostly, but he wouldn’t agree with any of her contracts if it didn’t include you.

That’s how you got your first title in the IPC: The Secretary of Strategic Investment Departments. It technically meant you were Kakavasha’s secretary since you were in his team. Only many years later you managed to get yourself a Stoneheart title, Ruby, gaining a lot of trust and respect from all of those who underestimated you, and you viewed as a leech to Aventurine.

All these dear memories and many others are why you feel so betrayed and hurt right now. He desired to throw it mall of that away. He tried to throw all of it away. How unfair, isn’t it? While you were trying your best to retrieve his cornerstone from the Family, he was getting ready to sacrifice himself and leave you behind. A few minutes before he was announcing his little game to the whole planet, you came to your hotel room exhausted only to find his stuff entirely packed, all the lights tuned off and with a weird letter sitting at the only desk of the room.

Why were you even giving yourself all this work of reliving such bittersweet moments? You’ve already pointed out the fact that he was trashing everything he’s built and all the connection you two had in previous fights anyway…

“We’re still best friends, aren’t we? Even if you broke my heart, the same way I must’ve broken yours too, we’re still the same, right?” You tried cheering Aventurine up, acting enthusiastically, but his body still seemed as immobile as a statue. So you sighed again, your fake smile dying. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you wrote.” You spoke more seriously, pausing for a moment to remember the content in the letter and what you had to say about it.

At first, you picked the letter thinking it was a message from the IPC, but when you realized the handwriting belonged to Aventurine, you found yourself more confused. After all, if he wanted to tell you something, he could’ve just texted you, right?

It started off with an apology for not being home or answering your earlier texts, then it transitioned to him retelling your history with him with a lot of passion, your current friendship with him and how he values it more than anything. Money, the IPC and even his own life. But you weren’t expecting the stakes of the letter to go downhill, and as fast as the speed of light.

“Although our friendship seems to be very well established to you, for me, it isn’t. For me, it is as unstable as this planet, and it’s all because of me. I hate to bring you into this, Y/N, but I can’t let myself die without being completely honest to you in this final letter. I am in love with you, Y/N. I am painfully, desperately and agonizingly head over heels for you, Y/N. I wonder how your face is like reading this, but I’d rather let curiosity torture me. Whether you reciprocate me or not, they’d make me feel even worse about what I’m doing right now, and I want to at least die peacefully. Going back to the main point, this is something that I’ve been closeting for years, something I’ve been neglecting for years. I’ve only come to accept it recently, when I decided that it’s not really worth living anymore, so I might as well just be open about it to you. You’re a wonderful woman, Y/N. Your self-steem might be low, you might find yourself vulnerable, weak, untalented and unattractive, but I assure you that no one views you like this. I, personally, view you as the complete contrary. Every single thing about you is perfect to me. Remember those few times we would dance together? The few times we danced here? Especially to White Night? You were always shy and awkward at first, but when you slowly started opening yourself more and start actually dancing, you had me almost passing out, Y/N. Whether it was because of how charming and beautiful you looked, how much I admired you, or the pain of knowing that you would never let me hold you closer, show you the love you deserve, kiss your lips, hold your hips and guide your body as we jammed to those songs. Please, even after I die, I want you to always remember you’re more than your fears and your position at the IPC. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and always fill your lungs with confidence before going out. Even if I might always be nothing more than a dear friend to you, I don’t want you to ever pity me for this. I want to respect your boundaries and I want you to do it too. But I do love you, Y/N. More than anything.

You dear friend, Kakavasha.”

It was tough for you to absorb the information that Aventurine’s gaze upon you wasn’t innocent or a part of his confident facade and that it was lustful. To learn that he fantasized with something so impossible to you made you feel horrible for the man, even the pity that he begged you not to feel. You’d never tell him you were feeling pitiful, of course, but you still accepted that guilt, and you truly felt motivated to use it as a fuel for a new experiment.

“I want to give you a chance, Kakavasha.” Confessing such heavy words also made you want to avoid looking at him, who has been staring at the nightstand beside him while listening to you.

“No.” He suddenly mumbled, which surprised you. “I don’t want you to feel pity for me. I don’t deserve it and you don’t deserve it. It’s not fair… and it’s not what I want.” His voice was firm, far from what you usually hear from him.

“Well then. What do you want, Kakavasha?” You answered a bit enthusiastically again, wanting to keep him talking the most you could.

“If anything were to ever happen between us, I want it to be genuine. Something you’ve started to feel without me interfering the same way I did. But now, it just feels wrong.” You could sense his stress behind his slightly broken voice.

“Why?” You were slightly offended by his words.

“Because you are a victim of rape, Y/N!” He snapped with your innocence and rose from his place, sitting in the bed while he turned his whole body to you. “I should’ve died! All those things I wrote in the letter were supposed to be my last words, not my actual confession! Now it just feels I’m trying to trick into feeling bad for me and romancing with me and you’re falling for it…” You also rose up from your place as he screamed at you for balance, but unfortunately, couldn’t bring himself to speak much more than that due to his growing distress, sighing as he rubbed his fingers in his eyes afterwards.

“I-I understand that I am a bit afraid indeed, Vasha, but I don’t feel I’m falling for anythin—” You tried giggling it off to hide your real anxiety, but Kakavasha was reciprocating none of your patience.

“Yes, you are! You don’t think you’re falling for it because you already fell! You might not understand it yet, Y/N, but I do. This is not a part of your nature anymore. It was ruined and ripped away from you by our master, and that’s okay! Life has much more to it than this! You don’t need it to live properly! But this feeling is real Y/N, and most of us feel it. Most of us would rather to live their lives with someone to share their love with, and I’m one of them. I’m a desperate lost case! God, I’m so obsessed with you I’ve even asked Topaz if you had ever shared a secret of this kind with her because I was throbbing to learn if I was in your mind? It could even be someone else, but she’d always tell me ‘no’! I’ve even paid her to talk to you about it, try to indulge you into telling her any information, she’d come back with nothing? You see, Y/N? You don’t feel that need! You probably think I’m disgusting now anyway…” You couldn’t deny that what he told about Topaz was a bit shocking. If you ever told her anything lewd in those conversations, would she really tell Aventurine without your knowledge? Those few conversations weren’t innocent girl-talk as she called it?

But you really couldn’t find yourself mad at him in the end of the day, despite him believing you already were. You just didn’t know what to say. He had a really fair point about your mind. You were very knowledgeable about many sorts of topics, enough to protect yourself even, but you were truly inexperienced about love. Were you just falling for his words? But it doesn’t feel like it. It just feels like your heart is softening… opening itself for a new thing.

But, he seemed so insistent about you and he has so much more knowledge too. Maybe he is right. He’s a better source than you are, and maybe it’s just better to accept it. So you looked away from him, your eyes meeting the window of the room, displaying the flashy streets of Penacony under the moonlight.

“I-I’m sorry.” Kakavasha suddenly leaned in and hugged you from behind, his forehead resting in your shoulder. “You’re just really precious to me, Y/N, and I don’t want to lose out relationship for something so stupid.” He whispered softly, contrasting his previous tone, but making you relax your muscles a bit.

Despite being a risky bet, seeing how he had relaxed opened a path for you to continue arguing with him instead of letting the conversation die.

“So what if it’s out of pity, Vasha?” You tried waiting for an answer but nothing came out of him, so you opted to continue. “So what if you’ve messed me up and this is just a momentary curiosity that I’ll forever regret later? Do you think it’s more worth for me to live full of unresolved fears rather than trying to face them even if I fail?” He sighed in distress again seeing you didn’t want to end the conversation. He really wishes you could both just ignore the fact that he tried to commit suicide.

“That’s not what I mean, Y/N. I just think that you’re not likely to like it and I don’t want to be the one that ruins your expectations of this even more.” He pulled himself away from you, refusing to even look at you as he offended you.

“Who do you think you are to judge what I want and what I don’t?!” You gave him a little push as you snapped, recovering a bit of power for yourself. “And what if I like it, Vasha? What if you’re simply wasting your own luck away? It’s a risky gamble, I won’t lie to you, but that’s your niche, isn’t it?!” You paused for a moment, recovering all the air you’ve lost from the screaming. “You prefer gamble on your own death rather than gamble on me and you?!” You started to feel pressure in the back of your eyes, signaling you had tears coming down, and you did nothing to stop them.

Kakavasha remained as silent as a rock. The answer was obvious to the both of you, but he didn’t want to admit it, prefering to endlessly stare at the nothingness ahead of him as he absorbs your sorrow in silence.

You had a lot more to say to him, a lot more reasons to show him, but his lack of response made you conclude the case on your own. He didn’t want it, he didn’t want to be convinced, and there’s nothing you can do about it rather than respect him even if it hurt you a lot.

So you wheezed. With a lot of untold anger behind it that you didn’t want to express.

“Good night, Vasha.” You spat at him, trying your best to not let yourself go madder while laying down in the bed to get ready to sleep again. “I just hope you understand how uncomfortable it is to know that I was in that letter as a burden to you, as the main reason for you to feel so depressed to the degree of suicide, and that I can’t do nothing about it and I just have to accept the role that I have of being the most useless friend—” Before you could turn your whole body to the window of the room and ignore his presence in the bed for the whole night, you felt his hand hook your left shoulder hard, and hold your body in that previous angle you were at, only to meet Aventurine launching into you like a hungry animal and shutting your mouth with his lips.

You were stoned, unable to react to it even if all your limbs were perfectly available to push him away from you. You didn’t want to. It was the first time in many years that you felt a pair of lips against yours, and the first time those lips belonged to Kakavasha. It didn’t feel bad. It honestly felt like a need he awakened insideyou. Although the lack of given consent was not something you were a fan of, you knew Kakavasha. He would never do something like this in normal circumstances, much less to hurt you.

As soon as Kakavasha felt your body ease and melt into the heavy kiss that he insisted on, he finishing towering his body above yours, placing his own knees around yours, cornering them, and his pale palms pressing the pillow under your head down.

“Shut up…” He paused the kiss for a brief moment to murmur the order in an angry tone. “You’re not… a burden... or useles...” Even if Kakavasha had so many things to say to you, he didn’t want to stop kissing you at all. “You’re anything… but a burden… to me.” After all, your wet lips felt great just as he dreamed it to be.

Your cold hands ran up to latch on his head to keep him kissing you with no breaks in between making him shiver even harder in excitement.

Pulling his head deeper into yours forced his tongue to invade your mouth, sticky noises and groans beginning to fill the space between you two as saliva started to mix in your mouths and your tongues danced together.

For almost a minute, you two just stopped thinking just to fully focus on feeling each other. His head, who had most power between you two, turned to many different angles just to explore the most corners of your mouth he could, and you accepted it bravely. Your foreheads were rubbing together almost painfully, noses touching each other’s cheek, but no further physical contact was being done between you two. You could swear he was wishing he could move his hands, though. But as expected, he preferred to respect your limits.

And then, when he was finally done, he pulled his tongue and lips out of you. He didn’t dare separating your foreheads or break eye contact. You two were just staring each other. You, who looked at him more surprised, overwhelmed and uncertain, while he was visibly looking at you with arousal and desire.

“Y/N…” He moaned your name like a prayer. “I… I want more.” He confessed ins hoarse mumble, his cheeks blushing in a red tone that you’ve never seen before, even harder seeing how you immediately reacted to it with more shock. “I promise you, I just want to make you feel good… make you feel loved. That’s all. Really, I’ll be gentle, I’ll be slow, I’ll do whatever you have in your head, I’ll—” His eyes squinted, begging you for continuity as his voice slightly broke with despair and embarrassment.

You couldn’t help but start breathing a little bit faster than you were, your eyes turning away from his intense gaze.

Sex.

How come you haven’t thought of this after all you’ve read and heard from him yet? For the kind of man he currently is, it was idiotic of you to assume he wouldn’t desire you in such a lustful way. And now that the reality started hitting you, it felt weird. It was bizarre to think of you and him doing something like that.

The touching, the looking, the hearing, the moaning, the thrusting, the nudity, the feeling…

You really wish you could view it positively… fall in love with it, but he was right, your mind had been ruined for this sort of thing. It would always turn your imaginations of this into your real memories of it, which made your body sweat in fear and your legs to rub against each other in reluctance.

“That’s why I think we shouldn’t do this, Y/N. You don’t like it… You can’t like it.” He weakly smiled down at you seeing how uneasy you were with his confession.

“N-No!” You quickly reached down for his arms before he could get off you, caging yourself under him. “D-Do it… Please.” You used your fingers to gently brush his wrists, trying to convince him to stay.

Kakavasha was definitely a little surprised, even a bit aroused, with your initiative. You found motivation by the mere fact that you never felt an ‘orgasm’, and according to many women you’ve heard talking about it, it feels wonderful, even if it is at the price of doing something like this, which is so expensive to you.

“Are you… serious..?” Kakavasha’s eyes were shining with excitement, although he tried to maintain his concerned look.

“I want believe that this is as good as people say, and trust you to be the one doing it.” The more you spoke to Kakavasha, the more his violet eyes seemed to gain life.

“Y/N, I—” He chuckled a bit, feeling too embarrassed and joyful to keep making eye contact with you. “I really love you.” He whispered as his arms started to bend over, his whole body resting on top of yours gently. “More than anything.” And finally, he took your lips into his again with a kiss much more intense.

You decided to simply move your arms upward and hug his neck this time with your arms. You weren’t even pulling him into you, you were just trying to find some shelter under him, especially due to how truly nervous you still felt.

Unfortunately, you didn’t get to appreciate much of Kakavasha’s lips because he wanted to keep going as you allowed him to do so. So, he slowly pulled away from you and slid down to your neck, introducing himself there with a gentle bite in your skin. You couldn’t help but gasp in shock and pleasure and curl your fingers in his locks, your head unconsciously turning aside and giving him more space to savor. As expected, it was your first time ever being touched like this in such a place, so your reactions were way more sensitive and energetic than they should be. You felt like a total virgin under him even if you already had already been introduced to sex multiple times.

Can you really say you’re not a virgin anymore because of that, though?

“This tattoo…” Kakavasha’s tongue was mainly working in one spot of your neck, the tattoo you shared with him, even if his voice sounded so revolted and disgusted at the sight of it. “Do you even realize how strong you actually are, Y/N? This tattoo… It brands you as nothing but a slave… for either labour or pleasure… but you still keep it… and I’ll make sure I’ll give it another meaning.” You couldn’t deny those therapeutic words felt great to listen, and accompanied by the way he bit and licked your muscled skin so gently, made your first moan of his name to escape your mouth.

“Vasha..!” As soon as you pronounced that nickname, he grunted hard under his throat in pure appreciation of what you had moaned.

In previous nights, Kakavasha could never find the courage to tell any of his partners that he had a real name behind ‘Aventurine’, a name he really wished he could hear as a moan throughout the act. And now that he’s finally listening to it, and coming from someone so special to him like you, he couldn’t help but feel like going even deeper into you. He desperately wanted to take your clothes off.

“Fuck…” He cussed, trying to fight his urges back.

He urgently kept sucking and licking the skin around your tattoo, as if he was a wolf eating a piece of fresh meat, for a whole moment, trying to not rush himself with you. He would need to keep putting in his head again and again that you would need a lot of patience and prepare for this, and that he couldn’t just go savage with you, unfortunately. But if it meant he would get the opportunity to finally make love to you, after so many years yearning for any crumb, he would be happy to follow your pace.

When Kakavasha finally felt he’d done enough, he slowly pulled out of you, noticing a big pink mark covering the spot he made out with. He smirked for a quick moment, knowing it would soon turn darker and noticeably brand him there and that he could officially keep going.

He rose his torso slowly, killing his smirk in the process to avoid scaring you, his eyes meeting the sight of you, a hit overstimulated, and giving his arms space to reach the handles of your nightgown.

“May I?” His voice was soft and calm, his fingers brushing your clothes with delicacy.

You weakly nodded with closed eyes. You didn’t want to watch him taking his first look at such an intimate and vital part of you. You didn’t even quite want him to be seeing it in the first place, but you knew it was something necessary… at least for guys. But you were surprised at how resistant you were being with your hesitation. You were not familiar with the feeling having someone taking off your clothes so passionately like this and being so kind with the content behind it, meaning your memories couldn’t really ruin the experience of it or impede Kakavasha from doing it.

When your nude breasts finally popped out, Kakavasha moaned in desire, letting your nightgown rest below them to not make you any more uncomfortable. To control a bit of your anxiety, your hands moved under the pillow your head lied on and held it tight, your legs crushing against each other.

“Aeons… You’re divine…” Kakavasha grunted with an excited smile as he leaned his face down and gave your left boob a lick.

Shivers went down your body when you felt it, a high-pitched moan accompanying it. It felt so different to have a tongue licking your breast and a hand fondling the other with so much love when were used to having them simply squished like a fidget, and your nipples pinched to pain you and take pleasure on it. But once again, Kakavasha contrasted all those memories and replaced it with new ones, and that gave you so much pleasure. He was being so soft and attentive to them, actually trying to savor every corner of them and look for spots that made you feel the most comfortable so he could stimulate you.

“Kakavasha..!” You moaned his full name as you felt slightly overwhelmed with that new, weird pleasure, a hand of yours reaching down to his hand fondling your breast and trying to give him some assistance by guiding it.

You never thought you’d want him to press your breast any harder than he was, and neither did he. He was trying so much to keep his touch as light as a tickling feathers, but he was happy to see you wanting more.

“Is everything okay so far, Y/N?” His eyes looked up to you for that brief moment, but not stopping making out with your nipple. You nodded more quickly than before, wanting him to keep focusing on doing whatever he was doing to you. “Great…” He smiled for a moment before going back all into you.

You arched your back as you felt him start to suck you with the assistance of his tongue twirling around your skin. It obviously aroused him to have you serving yourself for him so voluntarily like that, so much that he had breathe in and out heavily to calm himself down. He even wondered if he was inside a dream all along, but he couldn’t care less about it at this point. He was loving doing that to you.

You were already feeling so cloudy with all that you could barely think about anything else that wasn’t him and his mouth. You couldn’t even decide whether you wanted to help him fondle your boob or help him suck the other. Although you technically could use your other free hand to do the job of holding his head, you didn’t want to lose the comfort of holding the pillow. You knew you’d become unstable and scared if you let it go.

“Hmmmmmm… They feel so good, Y/N…” He grunted, his voice hoarse with satisfaction, in between the sucking. “I wish I could spend a whole day just showing them love…” Kakavasha’s mouth popped out of your breast, quickly moving to give a kitten lick and a smooch on the other one, pushing your and his hand away from it in the process.

Then, he rose his body, kneeling on top of you. He slowly started to unbutton his black and golden shirt from his pijama set, which was already halfway unbuttoned before all of this. You couldn’t deny that seeing him take his clothes off and meeting his nude chest made your heart start beating even faster, as if it was about to pump out of your chest. Was this how he felt seeing your chest too? But it didn’t make sense. You’d seen Kakavasha shirtless before… multiple times, actually. Sometimes when he showered in your shared room and needed to walk back to it, he didn’t mind covering anything above his waist. But you had mostly seen it when he was working. When the heated weather was so severe that he took his shirt off to refresh his body and improve elasticity. You’d even see it a few times when he was dragged back to your cell after punishment, which was almost always physical.

Was is the context of the situation what made you so nervous and turned on with that sight?

He still had the same physique you remembered him to have. Long and slim chest, with slightly worked-out muscles that could only be visible when he made the effort of showing them off. The only difference was the fact he wasn’t painfully slim anymore to the point where his rib cage was visible.

While you kept unconsciously staring at him, he obviously noticed your gaze and he was a bit awkward with it despite having shown his chest to many other women before.

“Y/N.” He woke you up back to reality. “Do you… want to touch me?” He slowly ran his fingers down his chest, trying to seduce you into the act of touching him.

You didn’t want to answer him with words, but your hands definitely did the job of telling him what you wanted.

You didn’t want to touch him a lot. You just wanted to feel the softness of his skin and acknowledge what you were about to deal with. Reassure yourself that there was nothing to fear at this moment.

“Y/N…” He moaned your name when your hand reached his belly and the tip of your fingers slid upwards to his sternum, a hand of his reaching down to his crotch and pressing it down, trying to hide his growing erection from you so you wouldn’t get distracted or scared.

Bu that obviously called your attention and your gaze looked down at it, figuring that he was building a boner unconsciously while you touched him. The more you found yourself closer and closer to the final act of sex, the more you felt nervous, but somehow excited too.

That’s how you found the courage to kneel up on the bed to align with his height and move his hand away from his erection to replace it with yours instead, cupping and caressing it gently, which immediately made him quiver in his spot.

“Y-Y/N!” He moaned more desperately, his hands reaching your shoulders so he could find balance in his position and also feel a bit of you too.

You didn’t say anything to him for an answer, fully flustered and focused on what you were doing. It was hard, as expected, and it felt a bit thick. But you couldn’t deny how uncanny it felt to be holding something you were so repulsive of, especially when it hardened even more with your touch.

In a blink, you pulled your hand away from his pants, creeped out by it after thinking too much about what you were doing. The deeper you went through with this, the more reality hit you, and you didn’t want to face it yet. So you let it go, letting your curiosity about his anatomy consume you.

“S-Sorry…” He whispered shyly, avoiding eye contact with you when he saw your widened, scared eyes.

“N-No… I should be the one apologizing.” Instead of letting your hands rest in the air doing nothing after acting so rude, you decided to rest them in his shoulders. “I just… wanted to feel you, but—… I don’t know how far I can go, Vasha…” His gaze went back to you while you told him how you felt while yours turned away.

He didn’t say anything at first, thinking about what to do with what you said. The more he thought what to say to you, the more his smile died.

“Do you… want to stop..?” He whispered a bit sadly.

And just like he did just now, you remained quiet. It’s not that you wanted to say ‘No’, but you were so reluctant with the future ahead of you. Then it hit you. Another reality hit you. Look how far you’ve gone with him yet. He kissed you, made out with your neck, took off your nightgown, made out with your boobs… the stakes aren’t going to go too higher, are they?

Shit, you had gone so far with him, you didn’t even realize your nightgown had dropped from your belly to your knees because of you sitting up, leaving you singularly with your underwear.

…

He’s been looking at you like this during all this time, and he didn’t even think about saying anything to you, touching you… much less hurting you.

…

Even if you may not like whatever is ahead of you, you were safe, right? If you tell him to stop, he’ll stop, won’t he?

…

“No.” You confidently said, which brought a smile back to his lips along with a chuckle.

“I promise you, it’ll all be ok.” He moved a hand of his up to your cheek, cupping it as gently as you cupped his erection, his head leaning down to whisper in your ear as well. “Lay down for me, Y/N.” His soft voice made your body immediately weaken in submission.

You nodded and slowly let him help you lay down back to your spot in the bed just like you were previously. Kakavasha watched you with lust reflecting in his eyes.

“May I… take this off?” He asked as his hands landed on your hips, his fingers slowly fitting themselves under the side edge of your panties, but still waiting for your full consent.

You had to swallow down all the saliva pooling in your mouth to not pass out with his initiative. And with that move, a bit of your anxiety was also brought down with it, allowing you to relax a bit.

“… Y-Yes…” You mumbled weakly and Kakavasha nodded before finally starting to pull it down.

It was careful, considerate and slow, as you expected from him, but you still could not handle the pressure you truly felt about it.

“W-Wait!” You put a palm in front of your genitalia and shut your legs together before he could fully see it, agonizingly edging him.

Even if he couldn’t see it, the tease of only your hand covering it was almost making him drool with the tease of it. He’s been wanting to have the privilege of miring you like this for all these years you’ve known each other. Of course he was starving to see what was under your hand, but he was so proud of you now that he was wail king to wait for extra 20 years to get to see the flesh uber your hands.

“S-Sorry…” He painfully chose to look away and drop your panties at your knees, resting his hands on the bed instead, although his dick was sucking all the blood from his circulation, begging to keep savoring the view.

For a good moment you just started to breathe all the air that you needed. You were reasonably nervous completely and ashamed. Your body wasn’t pure, it was an object, or at least used as one, left so traumatized it was almost impossible to feel confident looking at it. Your vulva was supposed to be a secret you’d take to your grave, especially what was inside of it. Even your breasts were supposed to be a secret, but the abuse done to your genital had generally been way worse.

What if you weren’t strong enough to resist your discomfort and let yourself go this? What if you decide to stop this, go to sleep, and start pretending this never happened? It would hurt him horribly, wouldn’t it? Especially after you’ve insisted so much about how uncomfortable you felt being a burden to him.

You really don’t want to upset him. You truthfully just want to see him and you thrive together as a duo, either friends or couple and get him away from suicidou-se as much as you can.

Breathing in and out helped you calming down once again. You decided to not stop it. Not yet. You should at least try to let him try. He deserves it, you deserve it. The poor man wasn’t even daring to look at it, only taking a few peeks here and there. At this point, he wasn’t even considering letting himself breathe without your consent.

“If it comforts you… I don’t intend to… put it in yet…” His eyes were truly doing maximum force to not look at you as he talked, but he couldn’t avoid the burning fever in his cheeks at all.

You immediately sighed in relief after hearing that statement.

Although your knowledge of these things is very little for a woman of your age, you knew it was possible to make a woman feel good in multiple ways.

You angled your head down, trying to search for more clarification.

“I-I’ll use my fingers.” He nervously stated when he noticed you were looking at him. “I’ll go slow, of course… I just want to make sure you’re… prepared… for more.” A little grin showed in your lips at his consideration of you in the choice of his words. It was so unnatural, but so calming and important to you, that it successfully managed to get you to ease your trembling body.

“Okay…” It even got you speaking confidently, your middle and ring finger finally dissecting from each other along with your legs, giving him space to see your pussy.

“Aeons.” That was all he could say that was appropriate to your needs, his hands gripping on the sheet as tight as he could.

“D-Don’t stare too much…” You couldn’t bare the pressure of him looking st you anymore, almost shutting your legs in fear.

“I can’t… You’re too beautiful.” He started to crouch closer to your organ, his hands slowly sliding between your thighs to reopen your legs again and give him space to fit his head them.

In quick seconds, you felt a hand of his let go of your thigh and a pair of fingers lay on top your clit and give it a soft squeeze right after, making your legs shiver and squeeze around his head.

“V-Vasha!” You screamed in shock, feeling ticklish with every touch of his.

“You’re so, so beautiful…” His voice was hoarse and lustful as all his attention was dragged down to your pussy, his fingers gently beginning to slide up and down, stopping at your both hole and bit every round to tease them a bit more.

“K-Kakavasha!” You moaned his name again and again, feeling numb with the stimulation he repetitively did to your organ.

“I’m here, Y/N…” He couldn’t wait any longer to give you an orgasm, his middle finger finally beginning to roll into your hole with delicacy.

Once again, it was slow and gentle, but it was enough to make tears form in the back of your eyes from the pleasure. His finger was long, but thin, perfectly resembling a small version of a penis, which was why it felt so bizarre to you, but since it didn’t feel as overwhelming as an actual dick, it managed to make you feel good too. Kakavasha thankfully didn’t dare move after he put it all inside you too, which definitely helped you process the feeling, his eyes staring at yours precisely, waiting for any signs of either consent or comfort.

The sensation of feeling your insides around his finger was tortuous to him. He desperately wanted his aching erection to be inside there and feeling your right walls instead, but he knew he’d have to work for it and he didn’t mind spending hours fingering you for it.

“Y-You don’t need to… wait for me everytime.” You looked down at him again, also wanting to see how the scene of you being fingered looked like.

“Of course I do.” Although his words were a bit firmer this time, his smirk and actions were completely contradictory to his toughness.

He started moving his finger, rubbing it softly on many spots while beginning to set a pace for the amateur thrusting. And surprisingly, he risked a lot of your consent when he decided to suddenly launch his mouth onto your swollen clit too.

Your back arched when you felt him lick your clit up and down, a stingy wave of pleasure hitting you whole. Kakavasha was pushing his own head against your clit like a starved dog, and that forced your fingers to flee from your vulva and find shelter in the pillow again if you wanted to feel more of that.

Visual Link

“W-Wow!” You weren’t really aware it was possible to have both fingers and a mouth working in you like this, and it definitely felt unique.

“You taste so sweet…” His eyes rolled back as the taste of your liquids started lubricating his mouth and fingers, grunting in his throat. “I can’t wait to make you cum, Y/N…” He finally laid the rest of his body in the bed, starting to rub his own erection against the sheets to relieve himself a bit, moaning a bit in the process.

“M-My God..! Kakavasha!” While you moaned in shock and pleasure, Kakavasha simply proceeded to lick you whole in silence, enjoying the moans he got out of your throat.

Due to how drowned his head was onto you, you unfortunately couldn’t see how happy he truly felt to be finally doing this to you and listening to such intimate noises coming from you, mean in that you were liking it. He barely believed it. Some minutes ago, he was ashamed to even look at you and you were so mad at him, but look at where you two are right now.

He was having sex with you.

And just to remember himself that fact made his cock twitch in need for more.

If he could change the past, he’d definitely impede you and him from ever becoming slaves, even if it would probably cost your friendship with him. He always felt anger when he remembered you were a victim of a violation as serious as rape and how much it ruined his chances with you. So he would rather stop you from ever living those days, and see you and himself being happy and normal, especially if it meant it’d be easier for him to bond with you romantically like this.

“P-Please..! More!” You were taken aback and overwhelmed with all his independent work, but enjoying it like a hungry woman, your voice glistening with hunger and lust. You were expecting him to be careful and considerate with you all the time, but you should’ve known this sort of thing isn’t really rehearsed or supposed to be rehearsed at all.

“Of course, sweetheart…” He mumbled on your clit with a chuckle and proceeded to solely focus on licking it up and down repeatedly, immediately started driving you insane. “Tell me… where do you like it more..?” You felt him add a second finger (ring) gently and spin them both around, his digits starting to rub against your walls, exploring every fleshy spot inside you.

“Holy shit!” You screamed with the addition of his finger, your insides almost aching with how he stretched you.

While his fingers took many trips in many different angles and lengths, he suddenly hit you in a spot that made you snap immediately. The wave of pleasure was so intense that it made you jump up and sit down, squeezing his head against your pussy even harder. That was definitely the spot.

“Right there! Right there!” Your hands, that were blew free from the pillow, reached down to his hair and held it for your life, squeezing his locks and trying to grind your hips harder against his head, his nose getting slightly moistened from all the friction.

How could you’ve ever known it felt so good to be touched like this? You didn’t even know such techniques were possible. To have your most sensitive and intimate part being thrusted and sucked so passionately by someone that didn’t feel like a threat, even if you tried to make him feel like one, felt… wonderful.

And obviously, the obedient Kakavasha below you took your command and started particularly thrusting you in that single spot. Sometimes he went for other spots just to give your favorite one a break, but he mainly tortured the spot that you told him to tease.

“V-Vasha..!” Your voice was whimpering hoarsely already, which only made Kakavasha become more and more aroused with the moment even more.

He could even swear he felt a string of pre-cum release from his tip and run down his cock, wetting his boxers a bit in pure desperation for release.

“Yes… Keep saying my name… please…” His eyes were glossy with pleasure just like you, even if he was technically receiving none.

“Kakavasha!” You spoke his name more confidently, and it definitely pleased his ears.

It pleased him so much that he used his other free hand, who’s been in your thigh all this time, to hook both your legs together and push them forward, giving himself more space to eat you out. His hips were also trying to grind even rougher on the sheets below him, trying to find more relief during this moment that was torturing him so badly. But he definitely did not want to spoil himself. He wanted to preserve his release entirely for the moment he was inside you, especially to use it as fuel to fuck you good. If he can possibly make you like having sex, and make you like it enough to keep wanting to do it with him, he’ll definitely take the opportunity. He should’ve really gambled on this long time ago. Why didn’t he? Why would you say ‘no’ back then? He never did anything to make you want to say ‘no’ to him. The chances of you saying ‘yes’ to him were quite big… They’ve always been big. He’ll forever blame himself for wasting all this precious time and energy away, but not too much. It has been always hard for him to tell what’s going through your mind, ever since you two were slaves, especially for things like this, so it was hard for him to find courage to flirt with you.

Why even keep thinking about these angsty moments? They’re all paying off right now.

“Kakavasha, I feel weird…” Your words felt like a switch to him, making him stop masturbating you immediately.

“Do you want me to sto—”

“For God’s sake! Why would you stop?!” You pushed his mouth back to your clit with your hands in complete desperation before the building momentum inside you could fade away, and he immediately switched back to obeying you.

You made him smile with that plea. It’s as if he was falling even more in love with you at this moment.

“S-Sorry! I-I think I’m going to cum, that’s all!” You finally finished saying what you had in mind, going back to your normal hoarse tone.

And if you thought Kakavasha couldn’t go any tougher with you, his fingers started thrusting you faster, digits endlessly and singularly teasing your weak spot now while his tongue kept twirling your clit.

“Cum for me, then… Cum in my mouth, Y/N…” He became slightly desperate for your release when you warned him of it, blinded with lust and desire to feel your very essence raining on his tongue for him to taste while you’re feeling heavenly amounts of pleasure.

“I’m close..! I’m so… close..!” You kept warning him over and over, your mouth trembling with weak whimpers coming out of it.

And when your womb finally snapped, you managed to warn him, but you stopped talking afterwards due to the shock, your body throwing itself on the bed so it could fully process all the pleasure that was taking over your senses. It was more immense than you expected from all that build-up, and Kakavasha fiercely took it all, switching his fingers and mouth’s position, his tongue thrusting inside you so it could take your orgasm inside him and fingers circling your clit to prolong your climax. His reaction was simple. He simply angled his eyes upwards and enjoyed the view of you worming in the bed, paradisiacal under his touch, while moaning inside your pussy in arousal of feeling you drip in his tongue. He didn’t he could feel this good making you feel good.

After a few seconds, when it was unfortunately over, you gasped hard and finally stopped screaming, eyes darting at the rooftop exhausted while he still did the job of licking you clean and drinking all your cum. You were finally gaining your lost consciousness back after such intense moment that took some of it away, and Kakavasha obviously took your relaxation as a sign for him to pull out. So, while he gulped down your precious essence and sucked on his fingers to clean them, he took his mouth off of you, a ‘pop’ noise accompanying it.

Neither of you said anything for a few seconds, simply breathing in and out. Kakavasha also had to recover a bit from spending so much time breathing warm air and drowning in your wetness.

“Y/N…” He crawled up to you again and leaned down, his forehead almost touching yours. “Can we… keep going..?” His voice remained soft and calm, barely above a whisper.

“Yes…” At least, you were feeling way more sure and aafe about all of this after this orgasm. You didn’t even take a moment to think before answering, and that made Kakavasha a bit happy.

“I want nothing but you to make you feel good.” He leaned a bit upwards, which allowed him to remove his hands from the sheets and reach down to his pants to start taking them off and freezing his pushing erection.

You decided to follow his actions and looked down at his shaft, only to regret it immediately and raise your chin against to stare at the roof.

Oh, yeah… that.

That monstrous thing that has abused you so many times and looked so ugly and evil. The memories of seeing those did not make you feel good, it actually made you rethink what you had said earlier.

You closed your eyes. You should not take your words back now… not yet. It’s not fair to him. Kakavasha can’t control his sex the same way you can’t too, so don’t blame him for being forced to have something you don’t like.

“Is everything okay?” He asked while getting completely naked just like you were.

“Yes… I just don’t wanna… look at it… if you don’t mind.” You turned your face away from him, although it didn’t change the blackness your eyes mired.

“Of course I don’t mind it.” He replied gently, finding your reaction cute.

The room went a quiet after he talked since Kakavasha still needed to get rid of his pants hanging on his knees and also your underwear that was still hanging to your legs all this time. But even after he was done with that and finally readied himself between your legs, leaning his face close to yours, he stopped moving entirely and sighed.

“I think it would be better for you if you put it in yourself, Y/N. It feels weird for me to put it in whenever I want to when you look so nervous like that. I don’t want to scare you.” His voice sounded a bit worried and defeated seeing how you were acting under him, all stiff and anxious.

“N-No, please… I’ll be ok… I really just don’t wanna look at it… B-But I’m ok with you taking the lead here�� I don’t think I can do it anyway…” You laughed it off, trying to calm him down, and it seemed to work since you heard him chuckle.

“Are you sure, Y/N?” He asked again, a hand of his moving down to hold your hips and holding it for prepare, but the grip was absolutely soft.

“Yes, Vasha.” You nodded, forcing your expression to soften to make him less resentful of beginning the act while your hands crawled back under the pillow.

And slowly, he started to take action. You squeaked when you felt him guide his fleshy tip to your wet lips, gently opening its passage, while also pulling your waist closer to it go help him with the penetration. The more he went inside and filled the emptiness of your inner walls, the more he slowed down, even more when you expressed discomfort with your face or voice. But he didn��t want to stop moving. The hug of your walls around him felt too good for him to not keep going deeper. After all, Kakavasha’s mouth dropped more and more the more he watched his cock disappear into you, finalizing with a loud groan when the skin of his hips finally slapped against yours and his head curled down until your foreheads were touching again.

“Shhhhh… It’s over.” He whispered, kissing your forehead gently while immediately dropping his hands from your hips and his dick to interact with you. “It’s ok… You’re ok.” You felt a group of fingers reach the top of your head and twirl with your locks, beginning to caress your scalp with the tip of his fingers smoothly.

You were overwhelmed once again. It felt weird but it felt good, it felt eerie but it felt genuine, you felt threatened, but you also felt safe. The uncertainty of I made you open your eyes very slowly for caution, meeting Kakavasha breathing with his mouth open, as if he was trying to control himself, while staring deeply at you eyes.

“Are you ok, Y/N?” The mere fact he made that question to made you feel better. It felt warm to be so considered like this in such a difficult moment.

“Y-Yes…” Your hands creeped up to hug his shoulders from behind, looking forward to bond you two together.

But Kakavasha immediately took as a sign to lay his forearms in the bed and press his whole body against yours. He groaned deep once again as he felt your breasts rub against his torso, and the way your back arched, making the contact even harder between your chests, made him even more desperate. But what really mattered to him was the way you were scratching his shoulders and back. He’d let you discount whatever you needed on him, even if he started to bleed.

“S-Sorry… I can’t stay silent about this, Y/N. You feel good. Really fucking good.” Kakavasha suddenly confessed with a hoarse voice, feeling horrible about telling you such a dirty thing, but unable to hold it back.

“T-Thank you.” You quietly mumbled back a bit embarrassed. Although you appreciated his comment, you didn’t feel like complimenting him back… because it wasn’t really reciprocal.

It didn’t feel bad, but it didn’t feel amazing either. It felt just like you remembered it to feel, but at the same time you knew this wasn’t abuse. You felt paralyzed and a bit uncomfortable, but maybe if you let him move, this will start to feel better.

“Y-You can move… slowly.” You warned him and he nodded, but didn’t immediately follow your order.

Instead he gave you a quick kiss on your cheek and forehead first, and then he started moving.

God, it felt even weirder to have him moving. At least that’s how you felt in the beginning. But when you realized he was being so attentive to your reactions and his slow, smooth pace, you felt safe again. You did not know how good it felt to be heard in an activity like this, nor how good it could feel when someone was actually searching for what made you feel pleasure. It was still bizarre, but in its own unique way, where you could still feel a bit good with him pulling out and pushing back, and Kakavasha was obviously enjoying it more than you.

“Fuck…” Kakavasha cussed out of relief, his cheeks burning in a bright red tone as he felt your walls tightening him.

Kakavasha could seriously pass out at any moment right now. You had no idea how excited he was truly feeling about this. How much he wanted to fuck you faster, praise you with thousands of words, and touch you in so many places. He wanted to do this with you for the whole night. He just wants to show you what you deserve, but he knew being that touchy and hypnotized would most likely turn you off, so he’d rather not gamble. He’ll take it slow and wait for your approval for him to keep going.

“Vasha…” And to watch your face and body contorting with pleasure under him and mire his own dick disappearing inside you every few seconds was even more addicting to him.

He couldn’t believe he was actually inside you at this moment. These mushy walls he was savoring belong to you, not some random prostitute. It was your voice who was calling his name. It was your love he was receiving. Shit. If he thinks about it too much he’ll cum in a blink and he doesn’t want that. But just for the sake of reassurance, he looked down at where you two were connected and saw what he expected to see. Your vulva stretched apart to receive him, and his cock going inside it. It felt really great. So great it made him feel more confident about this and so great he had to stop looking if he didn’t want to cum yet.

“Y/N…” He was obviously moaning way more than you, both in volume and frequency. “I love you so much… This feels amazing— Ah! Shit…” He proceeded to word every thought that came to his mind.

But when he said he wanted to prioritize you, he truly meant it. His noises might make it seem like he was prioritizing his own pleasure, but those weren’t even the loudest he could be. They were just a slight representation of how good he felt even when he wasn’t the focus. A slight representation how great he felt making you feel wonderful.

His head slid down and landed by your side, moaning on your neck instead of the whole room while also making out with it again, trying to listen to you more than himself and make you a bit more comfortable with his moves. Maybe the amount of noises he emitted scared you, so he’d avoid it.

Now, you were back at staring the roof again, free of his piercing gaze landing upon you. You used that moment to reflect, taking advantage of Kakavasha melting down into you to think about it with less guilt. You were feeling horrible about yourself and your thoughts at this moment. It did not feel as good as promised by nature. There could still be hope to this somewhere, but this is not for you. All you were feeling right now is discomfort. You were many times pinned down like this, only to be invaded and abused. Even if it was Kakavasha who was doing it, and despite all his consideration, your brain couldn’t help but keep warning you about rape every second, leaving no space for relaxation or comfort. That length inside you was the thing that once traumatized you, that scarred you for life, physically and mentally, and you were letting it in again. For what? To make you hate it even more? But you allowed him to do so much to you and you promised this to him. His hopes are set sky-high. Do you really want to ruin them?

And, well… there are still some positive sides to this, isn’t there? Hugging him feels warming, hearing him moan and call your name feels like a romance movie… but the main point of this whole act did not.

…

…

At least… it was Kakavasha, your most-trusted friend, who was doing this to you. He would never do this without your consent, would he? If you said ‘no’ to that first kiss of his, you two would be sleeping right now, wouldn’t you? If you said ‘no’ right now, he’d stop, wouldn’t he? Kakavasha is feeling depressed and suicidal. That’s what is making you keep yourself there and let him do what he wants to do with you. All you want is to see him getting better and yourself to live without fearing he’ll try to attempt against his own life again. Even if it costs a bit of your well-being, your own comfort, another scar that’d make you hate this even more… you wanted to do this for him… after all he’s done to you.

So you closed your eyes, and started thinking about other things unrelated to all of this, hoping it would distract you from it until it was over. And obviously, you hoped it would all end soon.

…

…

“Y-Y/N..!”

…

…

…

“A-Ah… Hmmm…”

…

…

…

“Aeons… I love you so much, Y/N…”

…

…

…

“You feel so fucking warm… so tight…”

…

…

“Gonna take care of you—! Ah… Every time you want me to…”

…

…

…

…

…

“You’re breathtaking, Y/N… This tattoo is nothing compared to you…”

…

…

…

…

“Y/N…”

…

…

“Y/N..?”

…

…

…

…

…

…

..?

What?

Why did he—

You opened your eyes again, only to meet Kakavasha’s face on top of yours again, staring at you visibly disappointed and his body immobile.

“You’re not enjoying it, are you?” He asked, but before a single syllable could leave your mouth, he sighed and spoke first, a bit angrier this time. “I told you, Y/N. You’ll never like this. It’s not part of your nature anymore.” His gaze was serious and heavy, forming a knot on your throat. “I appreciate it, but I don’t want to force you to do this, nor do I want you to force yourself to do this.” He turned away, slowly starting to pull his length out of you.

Wow. That hit you hard.

After all these steps you’ve taken, after all the time he spent preparing you, after all the expectations he’d created, his entire confidence was crushed in a matter of seconds. You must’ve actually worsened his well-being instead of making it better as you intended to. Looking at his eyes, seeing all its shine disappear along with his excitement broke your heart.

It made you feel… embarrassed.

You can’t leave him like this. You can’t just fool him like that. It didn’t feel right. You shouldn’t end things like this.

His insecurity sparked you. That one last hope you had in the back of your mind, but didn’t want to risk yet, was paining to be risked now.

“… No.” You intended that to be said in your mind, but it left your mouth, and Kakavasha noticed it.

“Wha—?” He didn’t catch what you said, so he looked back at you for a quick moment, only to be surprised by you launching yourself upwards and rushing your lips against his.

At first he didn’t react, after all, it was your lips against his, but then he quickly remembered how forced you felt to be doing this, and started to fight back.

“Y/N, you don’t have to—” He pushed you away with his hands, but you acted quick and grabbed both of his wrists.

You took them away from your body and pushed him instead. And for his shock, you surprisingly didn’t stop there. Using all your strength, you forced both your bodies to turn around, switching positions, and used your weight to push him down against the bed, sitting right on top of his belly.

Kakavasha could’ve fought you back, after all, he was stronger than you and your moves were quite slow, but he didn’t want to. He was shocked but didn’t feel threatened at all. He was rather curious. That’s why he simply chose to stare at you in confusion after he was laid down.

Why were you doing this? Why were you going so far for something you didn’t even enjoy? You didn’t have to do this for hm.

“What is wrong with you?!” You couldn’t help but grip his wrists tighter in revolt, trying to stop the growing tears in the back of your eyes from falling down and mess up your voice and face. “You were willing to gamble your success with our master when we were slaves… knowing failure would bring you death… You were willing to gamble your success and even mine in the IPC with Jade, despite neither of us having any experience with this type of work… You’re willing to gamble millions of Credits in our casino daily… or your own life away… But you’re not willing to gamble on this with me..?” You were slightly breathless after spitting out all that scolding, so you had to pause for a moment to recover your breath, which also gave him an opportunity to answer you, but he didn’t take it. “What is the matter with you?! Why do you underestimate me so much?!” And unfortunately, you tears couldn’t be held back anymore. They were too strong.

Kakavasha’s eyes squinted, almost shutting down seeeing your distress.

“S-Sorr—”

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Kakavasha went mute after this, only his hard breathing emitting noise. “Yes, I was not enjoying it, ok?! But why do you insist with this bullshit of ‘my nature’ to me?! Since when are you this pessimistic about me?! Has it always been like this?!” You had to pause again for oxygen while he pathetically stared at you. “Does it not go through your head that maybe it’s something else?! I want to try it, for God’s sake!” You pulled your hands away and started clearing your tears. “You just… You just pulled an orgasm out of me… but you believe I’m not capable of facing more..?!” More tears fell from your eyes from the slight disappointment you were feeling, while he didn’t blink once.

Kakavasha didn’t answer anything, as expected from him after your order, but now you wanted to take it back.

“Say something!” You cried out, your voice slightly breaking while you removed your hands from his wrists to wipe your face.

…

…

Kakavasha’s muscles finally seemed to start relaxing, his gaze softening, his eyes thankfully blinking again and a smile slightly forming in his pink lips.

You felt something poke your buttocks. You actually have been feeling it since the moment you sat on him. But now it was completely annoying you. So you decided to look behind you and check it, only to meet his dick, that had hardened again, and enough to be standing straight and rubbing against your skin. It was begging you to do something with it.

“Use me.” You suddenly heard him mumble, your head spinning back to him pay attention to him.

“Huh?” You were still whiny and even more lost now.

“I said… Use me. You’re right… I’m a hypocrite… I’m nothing but a stupid, hypocrite bastard.” He paused for a second, his hands moving up to grip the pillow where his head laid just like you did. “I shouldn’t think of you like this. I should’ve never thought of you like this. So, please, use me. Use me as you please. Even ruin me if you see fit. I’ll let you do anything to me right now. Anything that’ll make you forgive me for my stupidness… for making you waste your precious tears away like this… I won’t touch you once, I won’t thrust you once, I won’t even look at you if you want me to. I’m yours tonight, Y/N. All fucking yours.” His dick pulsed a few times as he said such dirty words, desperate to be inside you again, his voice lacing with sadistic amusement and you couldn’t deny the little butterflies kicking your stomach too.

“Don’t speak of yourself like this.” You said a bit more firmly, finally finishing your task of clearing your tears away from your cheeks. “You’re not… a toy.” You reflected yourself on him as you said that, shaking your head to forget those thoughts before they consumed you again. “I-I’m not doing this because I want to… use you… Don’t… ever word it like that.” He immediately nodded like an obedient dog as you gave him those limits.

“Of course…” He talked to you as if you were a queen, even if a real queen would never act so scaredy like you were. You were still a bit nervous to engage in this activity, especially now that you were the one in control. But your body has been successfully turned on again, along with him. That was the perfect opportunity for you to try again.

So you lifted your hips, one of your hands going down to hold and align his dick with your moistened hole, and slowly slide it inside you entirely, your back arching upwards as you felt him consume you to the hilt again. He still felt overwhelmingly sized inside you, despite you having already tried it.

Wait, had you just touched his actual dick? You looked at it, you acknowledged it and its hungry state, then you proceeded to hold it with your hand, when you’ve been doing your best to avoid interacting with it in any way. Were you really feeling that safe around Kakavasha? Enough to touch something you disgusted so much? Wow… it surprised you how much this man managed to change you.

“Hmmmmm… Y/N…” Kakavasha was smiling in a weird way, as if he was enjoying this more than he was supposed to, but wasn’t scared to show his creepy devotion to you.

After all, it fueled you to start hopping in a weak, slow pace, causing the man to start moaning immediately while your hands rested on his belly to help you hop. His hands held the pillow tightly, and his head arched upwards in pure ecstasy.

This time, it didn’t feel so weird. Was it the position you were in what scared you before? Because now that you were the one setting the pace and making Kakavasha take you, no feeling of danger consumed you.

Perhaps you could finally say you were enjoying it.

“Y/N! Oh, Y/N…” Kakavasha moaned your name like a desperate prayer over and over again, his chest lifting up and down heavily to breathe in enough oxygen to take you.

Kakavasha wasn’t used to being the one who follows the rhythm. He was very ready to be the one guiding you, not the other way around. But at the same time, he loved it. He could see such a privileged view of your whole body on top of him and it looked so beautiful. Your pussy spread to receive his cock, your hips swaying on it and making it disappear into you, your boobs jiggling, and your face and vocal chords expressing so much pleasure. You looked like a work of art, the kind that deserves to be hanged at the museum, but unfortunately he couldn’t enjoy you more than that. He promised himself that he wouldn’t influence you and your choices, and it was starting to weigh on his pleasure.

He promised you all he’d do is receive what you have for him, so he couldn’t do nothing but drool with the view of you while his heart and cock ached for more physical touch.

“Vasha…” You groaned his name before starting to speed up your rhythm a bit, finally getting better used to him and his size.

“Yes, Y/N… I’m here!” He made to sure to reply just in case you weren’t saying his name out of pleasure, and to communicate instead. “How do you feel, hum..? Any better?” He was still a bit insecure this whole act, especially how to interpret your movements and noises.

“I feel good… I definitely feel better.” You decided to move your hands a bit upwards, feeling more of Kakavasha’s torso rather than his belly, and he immediately liked to see that coming from you.

“You do..? Good…” He proceeded to go back to moaning repeatedly, eyes working hard to keep themselves open and savor the view.

His balls felt so heavy with all the stimulation that they were itching. And knowing that he wasn’t even feeling the most pleasure he could feel tortured him even more. It only showed to him how you made everything feel so much better, despite being an inexperienced newbie at it. He’s had so many other women riding him, way more professionally, but none of them made him feel so horny and hungry like this. Was he this terribly addicted to you? Enough to overshadow every other experience he’s had?

He couldn’t keep himself so caged under you like this. It was too tortuous for him.

“Y-Y/N… I’m sorry… but I need to tell you how much I— ah! How much I want to touch you right now… S-Sorry..! I know I promised you t-that I wouldn’t… but this is too much for me.!” Kakavasha turned his face away and closed his eyes, expecting the worst reaction out of you. “Only your hips… I’ll only touch your hips…” Kakavasha’s eyes froze on your hips, looking at them like a raw, bloody piece of meat.

“F-Fine… Be gentle…” You decided to give in to him and leaned down, pressing your whole body against his while your hands went to the sides of his head, which immediately made him groan loudly.

Obviously, Kakavasha’s hands snapped to your hips and gripped on them tight, not enough to hurt you, of course. His moans became slightly more high-pitched with the feeling of holding your hips and the stimulation of your breasts pressing against his chest. As expected, he didn’t quite exactly keep his hands there. The closure of your faces now made it irresistible for him to not launch his mouth on yours and seal you Hoth with a messy, wet kiss, and his fingers were brushing your hips up and down, sometimes going as far to your buttocks or scratching your spine, but those didn’t bother you at all. If anything, they made you feel desired.

“You’re so perfect, Y/N..!” He broke the kiss only to say those words and immediately go after your neck next.

And, once again, he begun making out with your cursed tattoo and whispering sweet words directly to your ear, freeing a hand of your hips to push your head harder onto him so he could reach your neck with ease.

“You’re such a brave, powerful woman, Y/N…” He licked your skin with delicacy, his voice as sweet as honey against your ear, warming the air around it.

“S-Stop… teasing me..!” Your voice didn’t leave your throat any louder than a whisper, lingering with exhaustion and overstimulation.

“I’m not teasing you… I’m just telling you the mere truth… You’re amazing, Y/N. You’ve evolved from a slave, to a secretary, and finally to a Stoneheart on your own, and I’ve been proudly accompanying you ever since Step 1… admiring and loving every cell of yours every fucking second. Only Aeons knows how much I want you to keep riding me like this… I want to do this with you the whole night… Just you and me… fucking each other like this…” Kakavasha giggled in your ear as he felt pleasure from feeling his heart weigh lighter after confessing all that dirty stuff, those darker desires of his, his cock aching for his orgasm that was slowly rising to its peak, while you had the contrary effect.

His poetry completely overstuffed you with love, joy and passion, making it harder for your heart to process it all and keep beating as it was. Even if they were risky words to say to someone as sensible as you, they only made your swollen clit throb for more of them. Without this, you would never know that you had such a like for dedication, especially an exaggerated one like this. Could it possibly be what people call a ‘kink’? Because all you felt was your muscles weakening on top of him, and your heart almost pumping out of your chest in exhaustion.

“C-Can’t… do this anymore..!” You whimpered, your hips almost fully stopping to move, nails clawing at the sheets for your dear life.

“W-Want some help..?” He couldn’t help but already begin moving a bit to not lose the momentum happening between you two and fly both his hands back to your hips, preparing to help you in case you said ‘Yes’.

“P-Please..!” As soon as he heard you plead for his help so breathlessly beautiful like that, he immediately snapped. In a second, you felt his legs spread farther away from each other, and his hips thrusting upward, causing you to scream in slight shock.

Although having all the control of the intercourse gave you a lot of comfort and reassurance of yourself and your actions, you didn’t expect it to feel even better when he was the one acting again. It still felt like you had more power than him, even if that wasn’t quite true anymore. You were sitting down so peacefully with freedom to move everywhere while he wetted the bed with his sweat and suffocated in that strained position that didn’t favor him at all, not even with his precise thrusts. The position did really matter for someone like you, didn’t it? Unlike Kakavasha, that did not once seem uncomfortable with this.

Visual Link

Kakavasha’s pace was way faster than yours and was a bit more brutal too. He seemed to be trying to specifically hit you in a specific spot compared to the rest of your walls… your g-spot.

“Oh, my God!” You screamed with tears hanging in the corner of your eyes again, your head arching upwards again to let all your voice out of your throat, letting Kakavasha stare at your broken face.

“It’s here, isn’t it..?” He smirked with lingering arousal, stopping his rhythm for a moment to grind in your g-spot and torture it until he found it.

“F-Fuck!” The way a heavy wave of pleasure was sent through your whole body from your womb made you whine in satisfaction. “Y-Yes! Right there! It’s right there!” Kakavasha immediately unpaused his thrusts when he got your confirmation.

Your body was panicking with the spanking he did at your g-spot, stimulation taking over your senses and turning you into that hungry animal. At least he was acting as animalistic as you, even worse, if you could be honest. You could even feel a remarkable feeling in the back of your womb… that same exact growing burn you felt in the back of your womb that you just felt while he ate your pussy out, specifically when you were about to have your orgasm.

“Is it too much, Y/N..?” Not even he knew how his masochism and desire for you wasn’t taking over his mind right now. Fucking your pussy, so tight, sloppy and warm for being untouched for so long, like that was truly breaking his mind bit by bit.

“N-No! Keep going! I-I think I’m close!” Kakavasha smiled at that warning, and he obviously didn’t dare stop thrusting you in that speed.

If anything, you could even say he started to go faster. So fast he was almost slipping out of your hole every time he pulled up, but his focus thankfully managed to keep himself into you all the time.

It was everything. You and him, after so many years fighting together, befriending each other, becoming familiar with each other, now bonding in a way that you two never dared to. The intimacy, skin to skin, eye to eye, mouth to mouth… It wasn’t the average sex Kakavasha would experience on his own, or the abuse done to you.

It was love. A kind of love, so passionate and strong, that was making your past fears look like nothing but an annoying piece of dust. One that Kakavasha never got to express and was now vomiting it all and almost losing his consciousness for. One that was so new to you, but was truly taking you to heaven.

“To think that… I wouldn’t be experiencing this if I was dead right now… It kills me, Y/N..!” His voice broke in a few syllables while he moaned and babbled, his smile dying due to the heavy feeling of guilt in his heart when he reminded himself of that.

“Shhh, shhh…” You put a palm on top of his mouth so he could stop ruining the mood. “It’s ok, Vasha… We all make mistakes, and I forgive you… I definitely forgive you…” You tried talking the sweetest you could, although it was hard to keep your noises in the back of your throat and impede them from breaking your calm tone.

“But I was going to die, Y/N..! I was going to kill myself… and leave you behind..! And I still… I still think about i—!” He insisted on talking even if you had tried to shut him up.

“Stop talking, Kakavasha…” You spoke in a more serious tone, and Kakavasha almost went against you, but you spoke before he could. “Just focus on me, ok..? I’m here… I’m right here.” Those words sent shivers down on Kakavasha’s spine, immediately falling for your seduction while his dick pulsed for more of you.

You were right. You were right there for him, and he couldn’t get enough of you. You could keep rising the stakes, but it’d never be enough for his desire for more of you, for an impossible amount of pleasure coming from you and him. But at least he was getting to express some of it— no, most of it with you right now, and he was not going to stop until you reached another orgasm.

“Make me cum like you said you wanted me to, Kakavasha…” You quickly leaned down just to kiss him on his tattoo to intentionally turn his mind off from those thoughts, and you successfully got him to snap.

Kakavasha sat up, forcing you to kneel on top of him again. His thrusts became erratical, making you throw your head behind your shoulders.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… Please, let me cum too—! Ah! Please, please, please, please…” Kakavasha buried his face on your shoulder, his hands almost turning the bones of your hips into dust.

“Of course you can, Kakavasha…” You simply hugged him back, clawing your fingernails on his back so harshly it made him hiss in pain.

“I want to make you cum with me too… I want to see it… Your face, your body… I want to hear the noises that you do… Please tell me you’re close!” His voice was so high-pitched that you wondered if he’d gone insane already.

“I am, Vasha… I’m almost there..!” Your vice eas also going more high-pitched then the usual due to the closure of your orgasm.

“P-Please.. let me lay you down… I-It won’t last long, I promise, I just want us to cum as soon—” You got tired of him of trying to explain every thought in his mind midway and decided to take over.

“Do it.” Kakavasha’s eyes widened with shock at your dedication, but also shone brighter than before. In less than one second, you were thrown in the bed, close to he edge of it, so the momentum wouldn’t be lost, not in the slightest.

For the next seconds, you and Kakavasha simply focused on staring deep down at each other while he completely bottomed his entire length inside you every thrust, in search of that blissful orgasm he looked for.

Visual Link

He looked so beautiful above you, all sweaty and wasted, but still working his hardest to make you feel pleasure. Kakavasha also thought you looked hypnotizing under him, but the difference between you and him was that he looked at you way dirtier than you did. He was looking at your swollen, soaked pussy taking him in, then raising his eyes to your bouncing boobs, then to your sweaty face and open mouth emitting such beautiful noises. In the back of his mind, he wanted to fuck you all night in many different places and positions. He wanted to hear your dirtiest moans and tell you his dirtiest wishes while he had you under him looking just like that.

But before he could enjoy any more of you, the arousal of seeing you under made him orgasm snap prematurely, way before than he expected it to come.

“F-FUCK!” Kakavasha groaned with a deep voice before suddenly stopping with his thrusts and start to yelp like crazy.

He was screaming, body quivering and shivering entirely as his dick started ejaculating. Your orgasm followed his orgasm a few seconds later, and it was definitely another shocker to you. You weren’t expecting it to be so much more breathtaking than the last one. Maybe the build-up to this one or the connection between you two was what made your body burn with so much more fever. Screams obviously came out of your mouth, accompanying Kakavasha’s screams even louder than him, also including the hook of your nails that dug so deep in his back that it could make him bleed.

“Yes, that’s it— Fuck!” Kakavasha tried keeping control so there was some guidance in the situation but Kakavasha was also having the hardest orgasm of his life, and it was hard to resist when he knew it was all being spilled inside you.

It was too much ecstasy for the both of you, and this moment of climax lasted incredibly long.

Obviously, the intensity of the moment couldn’t be increased and only decreased, so soon enough, you and Kakavasha were simply panting messes looking at each each other. So weak that his arms couldn’t hold himself above you for too long and they broke, pressing his body against yours.

Neither of you knew what to say to each other, the way your bodies curled onto each other and made physical contact was enough to express everything either of you had to say. This was a great night. You completely renewed your limits and learned new things about sex, improving your knowledge about it too, while for Kakavasha, this was casually the best fucking night of his life. Fuck suicide. He got you to have sex with him. This completely restored his hormones, and would definitely weigh positively in his mental health. He was so happy he didn’t even want to let go or pull out. Feeling you hug and caress his back after hurting it so bad, crawling his fingers under you to caress your back too, shove his head between your shoulder and neck and feeling your inner walls still moisten his length was a contact that he desperately craved for.

“Y/N…” Things were finally becoming normal again.

“Kakavasha…” Ignoring the fact that you two couldn’t really call each other ‘friends’ anymore…

“How do you… How do you feel..?” He finally had enough strength again to push himself upward and stare at your face again while unfortunately pulling himself out, his soaked dick feeling the sharp cold of the room’s temperature.

“Hmmmm… Weird…” You shrugged your shoulders, and you noticed Kakavasha’s eyes widen a bit, as if he was about to have a heartbreak. Luckily, you were just kidding with him. “…ly good.” You giggled at his reaction, and his cheeks simply flushed with embarrassment at being so easily fooled.

“You..!” He tried scolding you, but he had zero negative energy to do that. “You promise..?” But he was still a bit insecure, and needed a clear confirmation.

“Yes.” You nodded, attempting to begin getting out, but his arms were weighting really hard in the sheets.

“I hate to say this… but I would really like to keep going…” He looked away from you and paused for a moment. “I could bring you to paradise all night… teach you more about this… let you experiment more… whatever you want…” But there was a little smile in his face, lingering with hope. “So… round two?” Although you weren’t a fan of guys flirting with you, having Kakavasha doing it sounded funny, real, romantic and intuitive. “P-Please, don’t get me wrong… I’m already very happy and satisfied, I just still have energy in me to keep going… If you don’t want a second round, you can just say ‘No’ to me and I’ll be completely fine.” His eyes looked anywhere else, but avoided your face the most they could.

“I don’t know, Vasha…” You replied a bit unenthusiastically, trying to think about it, but Kakavasha didn’t give you much time.

“Alright, then… No need to worry or overthink it. You did absolutely amazing tonight…” He suddenly pulled you and him upwards, only to throw himself in the pillows again, bringing you with him.

When you two landed, Kakavasha immediately pushed you out of his lap, laying you down beside him just like you two were before all of this and layering the sheets on top of you. He was staring at you passionately, cheeks flushing and a grin in his lips that resembled a little kid in love.

“Aeons, you look beautiful like this…” You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at his compliment and pull the sheets closer to you after he said those, trying to stop from saying any better things to you.

It was your first time ever showing him your nudity, and looking at him fully naked indeed, and his words didn’t make it any easier to keep yourself naked for the whole night of staring at him nude all night.

“Stop…” You mumbled while avoiding looking at his violet eyes, who were still shining with satisfaction.

“How can I?” He also decided to cover himself with the sheets too, and now that you two had censored your bodies from each other, you could make eye contact again. “You’re the perfect sight for sore eyes.” He reached a hand out, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You simply smiled awkwardly in response, letting him keep fixing your hair.

Despite the moment being wholesome, you were really going back to your previous thoughts before this, when you were scolding Kakavasha for his attempt against his own life. Your thoughts about it came back even spicier now due to what he almost said while you were riding him.

“But I was going to die, Y/N..! I was going to kill myself… and leave you behind..! And I still… I still think about i—!”

So he really still thinks about it? Even if you just tried your best to give him a reason to not? Why? Wasn’t this enough to make him at least reconsider it? You don’t want him to die. He doesn’t deserve to die and rest in peace for the rest of eternity. He deserves to live and prosper, whether if it’s with you or not, after all the things he went through.

So, meanwhile you allowed him to play with your hair, you took advantage of his distraction to speak about the big unspoken elephant in the room.

“Kakavasha.” You called him pretty seriously, and he looked at you without realizing your serious expression. “Do you really still think about killing yourself?” You spoke seriously, referring to suicide harshly so it’d trigger him to remember what he said and engage in the conversation truthfully with you.

His hands froze in their place, still resting in your hair, as he heard ask such a question in such an invasive tone, looking at you a bit shocked and confused.

“Promise me you’ll never attempt suicide again, Kakavasha.” Although his mouth was quiet and reluctant to talk, his widened eyes looking away from you what you needed to know. “I’m serious.” You completed yourself, trying to appeal to his empathy with you and your trust in him.

He didn’t answer initially, looking at many different corners that weren’t you and not face your piercing gaze, but you were determined to keep pressuring him to at least give you an answer, even if it was a lie or a mere syllable. But the more he thought about it, the less he wanted to talk about it with you, as if he was uncomfortable. Since it’s easy for someone like you to identify discomfort, you quickly realized it and decided to accommodate to it, hopping a little closer to him and revolving your hands around his waist to hug it.

“Things will get better, Kakavasha. I can assure you that.” You laid your head harder against his chest very close to his heart, feeling his accelerated heartbeat echo in your ear.

He still didn’t say anything, and instead just circled his own arms around your head like a leech and went back to fidgeting with your hair, but a bit more stressed this time.

“I want to be your lover, Y/N.” He whispered with an anxious tone, afraid of his own words, while they simply surprised you. “I want to be your boyfriend, o-or your husband… or at least… someone you’ll never ever abandon.” He shoved his face in your neck again, breathing your skin as if he needed it to live.

“I’d never abandon you, Kakavasha. But I… can’t accept being your lover.” His eyes shrunk with tears glossing them as he heard that rejection, his heart aching and throbbing for your love. “Not only I’ve lost some of my trust in you, but I don’t think I’d be a good girlfriend.” He immediately rose his head and tried to argue back, but you flew your hand to slap his mouth shut before he could say anything. “I know what you want to say, but, trust me, Vasha, if I were to become your girlfriend today, the way I am, all traumatized and scared of the most basic romantic interactions, I’d most likely fail to meet all the new expectations you’d have for me, and breaking up with you would certainly demolish all the friendship we’ve built yet, or at least most of it. After all, this is indeed a nature that has unfortunately been taken away from me.” You only felt him squeeze your locks tighter and tighter, trying to press your body against his harder, and slight gasp escaping his throat, hinting his incoming tears. “No, no… Don’t you dare cry on me, Kakavasha…” You lifted your face upwards to smooch him in his collarbone and neck, your hands creeping down to hug him, but that only seemed to make it worse for him.

“D-Do you… at least… love me back..?” His broken voice whispered in your ear again.

“… I’ll always be here with you, Kakavasha.” You decided to not give him a direct answer, wanting to avoid raising the stakes between you two that were already skyrocketing at this point. “Let’s rest now, ok? You’ve done a lot of today. We’ve done a lot today.” You whispered with a soft voiced trying to seduce him again.

It was either shattering his heart or making him set high expectations for his future with you that you didn’t believe you would achieve. And even he recognized it deep down in his heart, even if he wanted to disagree with it. That’s why you immediately changed topics. If you got him to close his eyes and sleep, there could be a chance he’d wake up feeling fine without this part of the night replaying in his mind.

And finally, he started to sob in sorrow for his failed attempt at making you his. He didn’t even know why he was crying at this point. Your words about staying with him forever was so vague and uncertain that it was enough to make him woe, but enough to make him want to hug and savor you for the whole night with all his strength and love, as if he was about to lose you.

And crying makes everyone tired, doesn’t it? So in a few minutes, after sobbing so much after using so much of his energy to have sex with you, his eyes finally weighed too heavy to keep them open, and he sealed them shut, not trying at all to keep them open for more time.

Despite the fact that your relationship with him was still troubled, even if you two tried fixing a bit of it tonight, you two still had to play his part in the cycle of life, and wake up new and fresh tomorrow, whether if it’s to go back to work at the IPC or keep trying to convince Kakavasha that suicide wasn’t worth it for someone like him.

Taglist: @gaboplaydespacito @b1eh-h

Don’t forget to like and comment if you liked it! <3

[anya-nya-nya]

Sub! Aventurine

It's not a fic or even hc but more like synopsis of my thoughts about him being submissive in bed.

NSFW themes but without detailed description of intimacy so GN! reader, mention of Aventurine’s past > mention of SA and slavery

Aventurine doesn't mind passing control to you during bed time, even if it's only the start of your relationship. In this case, his usual frolicsome behavior would turn him into a spoiled brat who demands more pampering and attention. So there couldn't be found any embarrassment in his responsive touches or moans: actually, Aventurine would prefer to unleash his voice and let you know loud and clear how much he enjoys your actions.

At this point it's more like a game of who will take the lead, as even in the bottom role he continues to be pretty active and lead you, if not command, on how to properly serve him: both with his disobedience and brash comments. So if you would decide to punish him or just be a little rough, he would take the spice and also enjoy this.

It's actually even surprising how open Aventurine is to try new experiences, but the answer to his nonchalant behavior is pretty simple: he doesn't just trust you enough.

One of the main Aventurine’s traits is to always attract attention to his persona and show off in front of a crowd both by his showy appearance and easygoing, smug maneuvers. The facade he built needs to attract more people, so no one would try and dig into his bosom. And yes, this rule would apply to you too, at least in the first few steps of your relationship, where Aventurine is still considering this like some game. And he's still musing about taking the risk and letting you actually step close enough to notice what hides in shadow behind his mask of dapper gambler.

When this stage would pass, you would be introduced to his real self - and I'm pretty sure that deep inside Aventurine’s heart he's still partly being Kakavasha. There probably would be a moment where he would regret doing this and play it off like some old story that doesn't disturb his sleep anymore, but if you manage to show enough patience with his attempts to toss away his traumas, his behavior would change drastically. The usual loudness of his voice would be softened up, as he tried to relax completely for the first time in a long while.

It probably would take a while: not because he doesn't want to, but because thought about being absolutely vulnerable and dependable in front of even one person is still responded with a cold knot in his stomach. Last time he was this weak was during his slave days, so there's more work that needs to be done for him to not be afraid of ACTUALLY passing control to you.

And now there is where all his timidity arises, the almost innocent embarrassment of a virgin,

as now you wouldn't be able to drag even a full sentence from Aventurine: all his remarks lost all the usual acuity. It's like he not only opened his soul, but also exposed a new body that is much more sensitive to any touches and praises - his lips would probably be swollen and red even without your kisses after his attempt to muffle every whimper.

Would prefer something slow and gentle, of course, with doubled praise kink as Aventurine NEEDS to hear how good and beautiful he is, and that you love him even in a defenseless state, so love bombing would also work. In reverse, cold or silent treatment would break his heart or even scare him off, reminiscent of what he usually got when his last owner wanted to use him in bed.

He needs to learn that there's a good and pleasing side in being under someone's power, so he hopes his bet on you being a good teacher will lead him in the right way.

P.S: Also thinking about him not undressing fully in the start, where he's playing the role of powerful bottom. Would let pull his pants to get the work done, but if you want to caress his body then only through some clothes, usually thin but strong fabric, not something transparent. (more detailed post)

And in the second part, where he's trusting you, he slowly would take more and more clothes off and show you the scars of his past. Would be insecure about them, considering every bruise as a mark of his weakness, so all lewd commentaries about this are prohibited. Double points if you would be gentle about it or even kiss a few of his scars during slow gentle sex.

[ironunderstands]

These Aventurine, Topaz and Jade comparisons are getting out of hand…

As much as I adore both of them, I think it’s very disingenuous to compare Aventurine and Topaz’s lore and be like “but they are the same!!!! If people like Aventurine and dislike Topaz that’s just misogyny!!! and like… no?

Topaz’s whole thing is that she doesn’t know the extent of the IPC’s evil, and believes that what she’s doing is genuinely the right thing to do. Even if she never had a choice in joining the IPC, she (incorrectly) believes what they did to her and her planet is justified, logical and moral, and for those reasons she stands with them. Part of this is likely IPC brainwashing, as she was probably very young when she became an indentured servant to them, and someone living on a planet on the brink of destruction would likely view anyone who stepped up to save them as heroes (imo the IPC likely waited for the point of no return to establish contact so her people had no other choice to except).

However Topaz got best end of the proverbial stick, her planet and its people were deemed useful by the IPC, and didn’t fight back, even if in the end they were still exploited.

Unfortunately, we have seen through Boothill, Belabog and Aventurine what happens when that isn’t the case.

Boothill’s planet got bombed and people genocided because they had a resource useful to the IPC, but were unwilling to cooperate with them or hand over their home, so the IPC decided to eradicate them.

Belabog had a debt owed to the IPC that was ridiculously high and very unfair to expect them to pay back, and had Topaz not convinced the higher ups to give them some time (which she got demoted for), the IPC would have taken Belabog by force

That leaves us with Aventurine, whose story is in no way on the same level of bad as Topaz’s. Unlike her, he has witnessed and experienced firsthand the truly awful shit the IPC can do.

They took custody of Sigonia and promised to offer the Avgin aid in their fight against the Katacans, at the very least protect them from harm. (Sidenote, since the IPC held control over Sigonia, they should have stopped the fighting in the first place). However, they simply stood by and did nothing, resulting in the deaths of around 6,000 Avgin, with around 3,000 went missing (or injured, I don’t remember, either way it’s bad).

But wait! It gets worse! Aventurine when he was still known as Kakavasha referred to the IPC as “the men in black/the men in black suits”, and his first master says he bought Aventurine from “the men in black/the men in black suits”, likely mocking the way he referred to them. Therefore THE IPC TOOK PART AND LIKELY EVEN CREATED A FUCKING SLAVE TRADE IN SIGONIA

Look being made into an indentured servant isn’t fun, but idk personally I’d take that any day of the week OVER BEING ENSLAVED

That’s not even to mention how horrible of a reputation Sigonian’s have in the galaxy, one likely spread by/resulting from the IPC themselves, as at least on Aventurines planet they do not have the mobility to make a name for themselves. (Honestly it’s a mini theory of mine that Aventurines scam is what partly contributed to this reputation, and his status as a slave is something the IPC conveniently left out in their broadcast about it-)

But, you might be saying, didn’t Aventurine have a choice to join the masked fools and leave the IPC, isn’t he free now? And to that I say, it’s complicated.

Considering the amount of suicidal shit Aventurine has done while being part of the IPC, he clearly hasn’t been having a fun time as a member of one, so why does he stick around, especially with the Fools invite? Even if he was a slave, does that absolve him of the crimes he’s committing now? What could justify his actions?

Revenge, plan and simple.

This is going to delve into some spoiler territory for the end of the Penacony 2.2 quest, something which I didn’t feel like mentioning earlier because I’m sorry but everyone and their mother already knows Boothill’s lore. Now, let’s get into it.

Aventurine accepts Jades offer to join the IPC, and when he becomes a Stoneheart, the first thing he asks about is the fate of the Avgin, to which he then learns that besides him, they are all dead. You see, from birth Kakavasha was pushed onto a pedestal as the savior of the Avgin, but now that there are no more Avgin to save, his primary motivator in becoming a Stoneheart (beyond not being enslaved anymore) is gone.

So what does he do now?

Simple, try to kill the motherfuckers behind it.

That’s why he takes on such risky gambles still, and why he wagers and wants Diamond to promote him to rank p46. The higher Aventurine gets the closer he gets to his goal of taking down the IPC for good.

Which is why his meeting with Boothill is so meaningful. I think Boothill is going to “kidnap” him and together they are gonna take down the wicked bitch that is Oswaldo Schneider for his literal crimes against humanity.

Mark my words, an IPC downfall is going to happen, and I think Topaz, Aventurine, Boothill and Ratio are going to be at the forefront of it.

However, Topaz and Ratio (and by extension the rest of the galaxy) have to learn/realize the true horrors of the IPC (although I can sense Ratio doesn’t really like them, and he’s learned a lot from Aventurine, I doubt he knows the full extent of the situation or is in any way happy about it). Therefore? Topaz mental breakdown arc? Ratio lore? PLEASE??!? The IP3 compliment one another so well and god I can’t wait for that to come to fruition.

I really want to see a Topaz and Ratio centered story leading up to an IPC smackdown, and I think we are gonna learn a lot more about how shitty they are in the later half of 2.2 and in 2.3 when the interlude and Jades release arrive.

As for the aforementioned Jade, she’s gonna need a Aventurine squared amount of trauma or reasoning behind her actions to seem in any way sympathetic, because right now she just seems like an evil bitch (in a semi good way, I will always respect the commitment to the bit) who loves her job and would make Machiavelli weep over how hard her ends are trying to justify her means.

[felibrary]

"i love you, i'm sorry"

pairing: aventurine x reader (gender neutral)

synopsis: aventurine doesn’t know how to handle people being affectionate to him. so eventually, just as everyone leaves him, he’s become the one who leaves the person he cherishes the most—you—before you’re able to leave him first. so then, why is he now in front of your home, asking for another chance?

wordcount: 1.2k | content & warnings: unestablished relationship, situationship 101, aven has commitment issues (surprise), angst if you squint, hurt/comfort , mentions of aven's past (kind of) ; ficlet

tags: @eccentric-planet HERE IT ISSSS!!! (after waiting for like a week or so oops)

author's note: i wrote like half of this during biology, history and french class LMFAO

in his world, love leaves behind traces. 

be it dejection that gnaws at him, and wraps his heart in sorrow or your lips that press against him, finding home in his scarred skin. all of the little things that shaped him into being—they all track back to you.  

gradually, over time, with every gesture of affection exchanged, he fell. his once sleepless nights were cured by lying beside you, and eventually, he peacefully dozed off. that is until morning arrived, the sun greeting him as her rays seeped through the curtains, which made him rise.

alas, bathing in bliss only lasted for so long. the love that streamed through his veins and was pumped into his heart, was daring to spill; aventurine knew that confessing his love to you would come with its consequences. there were rules he set up for himself, but after all, he is no more than a pathological sinner—an individual long forsaken by the gods that reign this world—a helpless soul.

despite harboring feelings for you, he kept those blooming emotions to himself; confined in the depths of his heart. 

so as much as he loved you, it hurt just as much to let you go; leave you behind with no words that offered an explanation for his leaving. 

aventurine’s foundation was built upon being alone—disappearing without leaving a trace has always been in his nature. having to leave and being left behind was nothing new. he was a natural.

eventually, the traces you left behind, etched into his very being, washed away.

kakavasha was a lonely child. the word company has always felt foreign on his tongue, at least when he had to say it aloud in a language other than his own.

presumably, that’s why he felt strangely weak in your hold. how you always persistently, almost desperately, buried your nails into his skin and held him tight—not wanting to let go as if you knew that he’d leave one day; silently slip from your grasp.

it was to be expected that you wouldn’t reach out anymore—he made you leave. 

(it’s for the better he thinks. after all, if you would’ve marched further into his heart you would’ve seen what was hidden in the depths of it—someone with no strong ambitions, and there’d be no point of return. aventurine wouldn’t make a good lover, he’s both too selfish and selfless no in between.)

there hasn’t ever been a verbal confirmation that the two of you were in a relationship. everyone around him, including you just assumed that the two of you were together

but he can’t blame them. all the spare items in his apartment, ranging from a mere toothbrush to items like skincare or using the same candles as you, that’d help you feel more at home. arriving at work together and subtly flirting in the elevator when others were around or kissing in the copy room, weren’t casual things that friends did.

aventurine thought it was easier that way, simply because the thought of putting labels on your relationship felt strange. to him, it felt like a heavy shackle bound to his feet, preventing him from being free.

so why is he now standing at your front door, waiting like a prisoner on death row for their judgment to come?

there’s a faint squeak as you open the door and aventurine shoves his left hand into the pocket of his coat, fiddling with the flower-shop bill. 

before aventurine knows it; and can fully comprehend the solemnity of the situation, you stand in front of him, as beautiful as ever.

“hi,” aventurine breathes out, and only now does he realize how much he’s missed seeing you. instead of answering your gaze drifts over his figure and his surroundings.

he feels hot under your watchful gaze, his body suddenly heating up, and clothes sickly sticking to his skin. “so? what’s your business?” your eyes land on the bouquet of lilies and gardenias he's gripping tightly,  slightly wrinkling the wrapping paper by doing so. 

countless thoughts are running through his head. may i come in? can we talk? i wanted to apologi—

“i love you, i’m sorry.”

his voice croaks and suddenly he feels small. the gut-wrenching feeling of fear that stirred in his stomach whenever you were around made him vulnerable and submissive. it made him bolder—more reckless with his way of words. they twisted and twirled on his tongue, and ultimately something else slipped out. (the truth)

the dismissive sound you make crawls into aventurine’s ears like a parasite creeping on his skin, causing him pain. “you say that after playing a game of push-and-pull with me? aventurine do you hear yourself?” you huff laughingly. “don’t do this to me. i can’t go through this once again,” you express with bitterness in your voice. “you’ll just hurt the both of us.” your tone is meek, but aventurine can hear the strain in your voice and he feels his stomach drop.

he exhales and musters the courage to say something. “i know that this is sudden, moreover, i know that i’ve been beyond horrible to you,” aventurine admits, and he swallows. “i want to apologize. my first apology is that i never apologized sooner.” he diverts his gaze to the ground, head facing the floor like a prisoner being escorted. 

he’s sure that at this point the stems of the flowers he’s bought for you are already kinked from clutching them so hard in his hand. “so, may i come in? i’ll tell you everything. i promise.” aventurine doesn’t dare to look up, at least not yet.

“calling me, whenever you needed me like i’m a pet who listens to every command, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as if you were coaxing me into believing something that was untruthful from the very beginning, and—” frustratedly, you ball your hands into fists. “listen. everything i told you was honest. yes i wasn’t ready for a relationship but that doesn't mean that i didn’t love you.” aventurine forces himself to look up, but immediately regrets it upon seeing your hurt face.

nevertheless, he continues. “i’m still hung up on the past. the thought of being with someone and promising myself to stay with them and committing my time, my life, and my very being scares me. it doesn’t excuse my behavior and actions, no, but i hope that this helps you understand me better.”

“i'm sorry that i didn't confide you in this any sooner. I was scared that you too would leave me. so i thought that if i’d leave first, it wouldn’t hurt as much. but i was wrong, my heart fucking aches when i’m not with you.” he cringes at how fake this sounds. but he’s more bothered about the fact that his heart isn’t only twinging when not with you, but it also might jump out of his ribcage, right here, right now.

you bite down on your bottom lip and contemplate. it's faint and if aventurine hadn’t paid attention, he’d have missed it. the way you mutter dumbass under your breath.” forget it,” you sigh as if reaching your breaking point. “just come in.”

this time, you fully open the door to him and he feels a wave of relief washing over him. “you’ve always been a mystery to me kakavasha.” you whisper, and aventurine’s lips form into a small smile as he trails and follows behind you, into your home.

a mystery, you say?

aventurine makes a promise to himself as he places the flowers into the glass vase you provided him. this time he’d be completely honest with you. about everything and anything.

so here it is — his heart laid bare.

end note: who am i kidding. if he came back to me pleading id also take him back.

also tagging @azullumi because at this point it'd be weird not to do this. i just want to thank you azul. thank you for being an amazing friend. thinking back, i used to have much worse communication skills. avoiding the ones around me or never voicing my problems aloud. but you giving me advice has genuinely inspired and impacted me so much. simply because i wanted to be so much like you cause i looked up to you so much and i still do. and recently those efforts of trying to better my social skills have paid off (kind of). I've become better and more mindful when it comes to people addressing their problems they have with me and thus trying to reflect and change my behavior. but I'm also able to talk about the things that bother me better now, simply because i took your advice. azul you understand me like no other. you take the words out of my mouth and are able to form such beautiful sentences i could never even think of. honestly your way with words is what enamors me the most about you.

© FELIBRARY 2024. stealing, copying, translating, reposting my works on other platforms or feeding them to ai is not permitted.

[aventurineswife]

“To be loved is to be known”

Summary: When you call Aventurine by his true name, Kakavasha, with love and affection, it shatters the walls he’s built around himself. As he breaks down, overwhelmed by his past trauma and survivor’s guilt, you help him heal and discover the possibility of being truly loved. Through patience and support, Kakavasha learns to love and be loved in return, though the journey is filled with emotional struggles and slow-burning trust.

Tags: @bunni-v1(thank you for feeding the Aventurine fandom🙏💛💚), Aventurine x Reader, Angst, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Healing, Survivor’s Guilt, Manipulation/Control, Love & Vulnerability, First Love/Relationship, Patience, Angst with a Happy Ending.

Warnings: Emotional Trauma, References to Past Abuse and Slavery, Mental Health Struggles (survivor's guilt, emotional breakdown), Explicit mentions of Grief and Loss, Heavy Themes of Self-worth and Identity.

A/N: this was much better in my head... 🧍‍♀️

[Inspired by]

The dim light of Aventurine's private quarters cast an amber glow over the room, reflecting off the myriad of trinkets and luxurious odds and ends that adorned the shelves. He lounged in his chair as always, legs crossed, head tilted, a half-empty glass of brandy in his hand. The smile that graced his lips was one you knew well—practiced, confident, and sharp. A mask.

“You’ve been unusually quiet tonight, darling,” he said, his voice lilting with feigned amusement. “Planning something, or is the weight of my brilliance just too much to handle?”

You folded your arms, standing in the center of the room. “Kakavasha.”

The sound of his real name stopped him mid-sip. The glass hovered inches from his lips, his eyes narrowing like a predator caught off guard. The room seemed to still, the silence so heavy it was deafening.

“What did you just say?” he asked, his tone sharper now, defensive.

“Kakavasha,” you repeated, softer this time, stepping closer to him. “Your name. Not Aventurine. Not the persona you wear for the world. I’m speaking to you—the person behind all of this.”

His smile wavered, a crack forming in the facade. For a moment, he looked at you as if you’d struck him, as though hearing that name from your lips was a wound he hadn’t prepared to guard against.

“Don’t,” he whispered, setting his glass down with a trembling hand. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it means something,” he hissed, standing abruptly. His movements were quick, defensive, his hands curling into fists. “That name—that name belongs to someone who should’ve died years ago.”

You didn’t flinch. You didn’t step back. Instead, you moved closer, your hands reaching out to gently touch his face. He recoiled slightly at first, but you persisted, cupping his cheeks with a tenderness that shattered whatever defenses he had left.

“Kakavasha,” you said again, and this time, it broke him.

A sob tore through him before he could stop it, raw and guttural. He sank to his knees, his arms wrapping around your waist as if holding on for dear life. His head pressed against your stomach, and his body shook with the force of his crying.

“I—I can’t,” he choked out, the words barely audible between sobs. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

You knelt down, your hands cradling his face as you forced him to look at you. Tears streaked down his cheeks, and his eyes were wide, glassy, and vulnerable in a way you’d never seen before.

“Listen to me,” you said firmly, though your voice was laced with emotion. “You are Kakavasha. You are not the sum of your mistakes, and you are not the monster you think you are. You’re a person—a person who has been through hell and back, but you are not unworthy of love.”

He shook his head, more tears spilling over. “I don’t know how to—”

“You don’t have to know,” you interrupted, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “You just have to let me love you. That’s all.”

His sobs quieted as your words sank in, his breathing ragged but slowing. You kissed his cheeks, his nose, his lips, each kiss gentle and patient, as though you were mending the broken pieces of him with your touch.

For a long while, he simply stayed there, his head resting against your chest as you held him. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

“I didn’t think… I didn’t think it was possible to feel like this.”

You smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair from his face. “You deserve this, Kakavasha. You deserve to be happy.”

The name lingered in the air, not as a weight but as a promise. Kakavasha—the man who had survived the desert, the betrayals, and the crushing loneliness—was still here. And for the first time, he allowed himself to believe that he could be loved.

The road to healing wasn’t easy. Aventurine—no, Kakavasha—was a man accustomed to wearing masks, to hiding behind his sharp wit and dazzling charisma. There were nights when his fears got the better of him, when he pulled away, scared of the vulnerability that came with being loved.

But you were patient.

You were there to steady him when he stumbled, to remind him that he didn’t have to face his demons alone. Slowly, he began to open up, sharing pieces of himself that he had long buried. His laughter became more genuine, his smiles less calculated.

And one day, as he watched you reading on the couch, bathed in the golden glow of the evening light, he realized that he no longer feared losing you. Instead, he felt a quiet determination—a promise to himself that he would protect this love with everything he had.

Because for the first time in his life, Kakavasha understood what it meant to be truly alive.

[yuansie]

the greatest gamble of all

pairing. aventurine x gn! nameless! reader

synopsis. aventurine knows that he is unworthy of love, unworthy of you. because he, aventurine, is a tainted person and kakavasha is but a person with no future for himself. in both of his names, he is unworthy of you.

genres/aus. actually idek what type of au this would fall under saurrr idk what to say ummm friends to something more (?!), romance, pining, angst with a happy ending, smidge of fluff at the end

warnings. slight (or maybe not so slight at all?) spoilers about aventurine's background, mentions of death and murder, very sad and insecure aventurine, crying, slight displays of affection (a neck kiss?!), ooc aventurine ?! (bc im still doing the penacony quest HAHSHAJ)

wc. 1.6k

a/n. me when i only write about aventurine because aventurine is love, aventurine is life. also, i just have some serious brainrot for that man he deserves everything and more i love him sm !!!! also. aventurine this wednesday im SOOOO excited i need him NOW. will be skipping my first class so i can do his trial LMFAO and this NAWT edited !! (when will i ever edit something?? idk. whenever i am not a busy uni kid) the aventurine art was made by @/20231102thu on x (twitter) !!

AVENTURINE IS FULLY AWARE THAT HE ISN'T SOMEONE DESERVING OF, well, anything. he’s just someone that aimlessly wanders this world, not having a set destination. he doesn’t have anything worth living for.  he doesn’t have a home to return to because home means returning to a place filled with warmth and love. 

he does not remember the last time he felt his heart warm up, he’s not even sure if he’s even felt warmth. it is but a distant memory filled with sadness, such sorrow that makes his heart weep without knowing it. though, nowadays, he doesn’t feel like that. there’s just an emptiness in him, but he doesn’t mind it anymore. after the events at penacony, he’s just been… lost.

he hears a door open and slide shut, followed by the sound of footsteps. then, he senses someone standing right next to him as he gazes out the windows of the astral express. you spent a long time convincing the conductor and himeko that aventurine should be a guest, and you finally wore them out with your pleading after a good amount of hours. 

“penny for your thoughts?”

aventurine glances at you. your wounds from the battle are still healing, he notes, given by the bandages that wrap around your forearm and head. sunday will have to meet his fury on another day. “just thinking that this is a nice place.”

you chuckle, “it is, isn’t it?”

all he does is hum in response, still staring out in the vast expanse of space. he likes how the stars look and as his eyes linger on penacony, he wonders if his home looked similar to that. he wouldn't know because he never saw how it looked when he left and never will. his thoughts don’t linger on that much when he instead focuses on the way your fingers brush against his hand. he flinches and stares wide-eyed at how you easily grab onto his hand, a dirty piece of flesh undeserving of the warmth that radiates from your skin and seeps into his own.

“aventurine—”

“kakavasha.”

“hm?” you tilt your head to the side, blinking at him in confusion.

he wants to look away from you, from your eyes. but he wills himself to keep looking and somehow, he ends up gripping onto your hand tightly. you don't complain and instead squeeze back, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“my name is… kakavasha.” aventurine feels his stomach twist and turn at your silence so he continues to speak, “i just thought… that you should know it before it’s completely gone.”

“and why do you say that?”

“it’s a name meant to be forgotten in the sand.”

your response is so quick that it almost gives him whiplash. “no it isn't.”

“excuse me?” he blurts out, surprised that you even said such a thing about him.

“it isn't a name meant to be forgotten in the sand,” you say, a certain calmness in your voice that has aventurine waiting with bated breath at what else you have to say. “it's too pretty to be forgotten and, well, it's your name.” 

and then he feels his face heat up; his ears, neck and cheeks feel like they’re burning up.

“kakavasha,” you hum, smiling, “kava, for short. it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?”

it does have a nice ring to it, but only because you're the one saying it. aventurine merely nods, not trusting his voice at the moment. he looks away and stares outside the window, not wanting to look at you anymore because he fears this warm feeling will take over his entire being.

a nice silence blankets over the two of you, one that you break after a while.

“what’s the story behind your name right now? aventurine… why are you called that now?”

“because kakavasha had no future,” he replies, “kakavasha didn’t have a future, he didn’t deserve to live either. who i am now, aventurine, does.”

“kakavasha deserves to live too.” aventurine turns his body to look at you, blinking in surprise. “i don’t know how you got that thought in your head, but kakavasha deserves to live just as much as the person you are now.”

“but aventurine is tainted. this name has too much blood on it, too many sins on it. the person i am now doesn’t deserve to live either. kakavasha should be a name buried in the sands of time while aventurine should be burnt to a crisp for the things i’ve done.”

yes, he is tainted. his body, his everything is tainted. it is marred by an ugly color, a stain of who he was and is, never to be cleaned. aventurine lets go of your hands, worried that you might also get stained by his sins. he should drive you away now before the aching in his small heart decides to cling to you and the warmth you give him. he will tell you his story, tell you about the mark on his neck, tell you how he killed the man that bought him, tell you about how he is a tainted person. he is a tainted person unworthy of you, unworthy of that love you hold.

he may have never experienced love. after all, all of his past relationships were purely physical. no one cared about going deeper beyond his facade, they all just wanted a fun night. so while he has never experienced it, he is no fool. he can recognize that the emotion in your pretty eyes when you look at him is love. you love aventurine, the him who has betrayed and used you and your companions in one way or another on penacony. he doesn’t understand why and maybe he never will because the mere fact that you feel something towards him is so bizarre.

so he should ruin whatever it is that you love about him and tell you the truth, taint your rose-colored view on him. aventurine needs to do it now before his heart tells him not to. he knows his heart is already lovesick, so needy of that bit of love it has received from you. his heart wants to hold on tightly to you and drown in you, drown in those feelings of yours. his tiny heart wants to love you too, it wants to love you just as much as you love him. he wants your everything to consume his entire being.

but after he tells you the truth, you will leave and you will be the first and last person he’s loved. you will be the first and last person to somehow climb over the tall walls he’s built around himself and crack open the facade he’s made.

but what if… what if you stay after everything? what will happen then?

it is that small hope that he ends up clinging to.

if he is blessed gaiathra, if he is lucky, then what if… what if this is his greatest gamble of all? a gamble of love: will he lose you or will you stay?

aventurine has made up his mind despite the rational part in him telling him to not even do it, yet he does. the words flow out of his mouth easily, though his heart weighs heavy in his chest. he expects to you leave, he really does because who would want someone as ugly as him? but the tears that leaves your eyes and roll down your cheeks catches him completely off guard.

“why are you crying?” he asks, his hands reaching out to hold your arms.

your lips quiver and a hand grabs onto one of his while the other reaches out, fingers stopping before they touch his neck. aventurine leans in without thinking and a shiver goes up his spine when your fingertips gently graze the marks on his neck. you rub over the marks, “you didn’t deserve any of that, kakavasha.”

“if i could, i would take this from you and any pain you’ve felt and will feel. i would take away all of the unpleasant memories that plague your mind. for you, i would do anything.” 

his knees buckle at your words and you both tumble down to the ground; he ends up being on top of you. your eyes widen when aventurine’s own tears begin to rain down, some falling onto your cheek.

“why would you say something so cruel to me?” he mutters. “don’t give me false hope. you should leave now before you do it in the future.”

“why should i leave the man that i love?” you purse your lips, your eyebrows furrowing.

aventurine shoves his head into the crook of your neck. “i am undeserving of you. i’m lesser than everyone in all of these galaxies.”

“you are not lesser than everyone,” you grumble, raking your hand through his blond hair. “everyone is the same because at the end of the day, we all want to love and to be loved.”

“i’m afraid i won’t be able to leave you now.” he hears you laugh softly, saying how his eyelashes are tickling you. he decides to get impossibly closer to you and bat his eyelashes more, smiling at the sound of your laughter growing in volume. “you’re stuck with me, so don’t say i didn’t warn you.”

aventurine’s breath gets stuck in his throat. he feels your lips brush against his neck. “i think the one who should be saying that is me… say, promise me you won’t leave?”

“shouldn’t i be saying that?”

“kava, promise me.”

“i promise. will you promise the same thing too?”

“yes, i promise that i won’t leave you.”

kakavasha, a name forgotten in the sand, was dug up and remembered, held in the hands of someone that treats like the most precious thing. kakavasha, who had forgotten how it felt to love and be loved, remembered the feeling because of a single person.

and kakavasha, blessed by gaiathra, won his greatest gamble of all time. he won you and your love, something he will now protect and hold onto tightly.