#kaga is the only one who believes in their relationship like this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

procrastinatingnerd · 3 years ago

Text

Hi everyone! So this was my first time taking part in the @osemanversebigbang but I had so much fun!! I can't wait to read everyone's entries! 💜

Title: Angel Rahimi And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lunch Break

Characters: Angel, Juliet, Rowan, Jimmy, Lister, Bliss, two of Angel’s future uni friends (OCs).

Spoilers? Minor spoilers of important events in “I Was Born For This”.

Word Count: 3.6k

Ships: Bicci, one joke about Juliet/Rowan.

~Joan of Arc (Probably)

“I am so fucking tired”

“Right, time’s up, put your pens down.” The exam officer says from the front of the room. I scribble one last sentence before my hand gives out, and I all but throw my pen onto the desk, sighing as dramatically as I can. This week is a fucking nightmare. Exams and assignments are the piss. Fuck uni, I’m ready to drop out. Or drop dead. Either works, honestly.

As I leave the exam hall, I walk past some people from the students’ union. They’re handing out flyers for the Christmas ball next week. My housemates are all planning on going, but my friends and I planned our present swap for that night, so we’re going to spend it eating a fuck ton of snacks and watching the cheesiest Christmas films we can find. I can’t wait, I bought them each a bag of their favourite sweets from the American candy shop, it's going to be so much fun!

But that’s next week. Right now, all I want is to sit at a table that doesn’t have an exam paper on it, and eat something very greasy and very unhealthy. There’s a pizza place just on the edge of campus, run by some of the culinary arts students, and they make the best sauce ever. It’s pretty cheap too, which makes it a favourite for most people, especially at the end of a semester, when everyone’s bank accounts are running low.

I have about an hour until I need to be back in the exam hall, so I take full advantage of the outdoor seating and collapse into a chair after ordering. My pizza is brought out to me not long after, and I breathe in the smell. Nothing has smelt more gorgeous than the slices sitting in front of me. It’s a surprisingly warm day, for December at least, and for a moment, everything feels calm. I can hear a bird singing in a tree somewhere, other students are hanging around campus, most with their noses in their phones or in textbooks, and I actually let myself relax for a bit. I’ve done all the revision I can for this next exam, and I’m in desperate need of a break. I deserve this.

I pick up my first slice of pizza, and bring it up to my mouth. As I’m about to take a bite, however, my phone rings. I put the pizza down with a sigh and answer the phone without looking at who’s calling. Mum probably sensed I wasn’t doing any work, and is calling to check up on me.

“Hello?” I say tiredly.

“Angel, hi! Is this a good time??” I grin at the sound of Juliet’s voice.

“Hell yeah, it’s a perfect time! What’s up?”

“Wait, you don’t know why I’m calling?” Juliet says hesitantly. Shit. What have I forgotten now? I know it’s not her birthday. Wait, is it mine?? I swear exams rot your brain, have I actually forgotten my own birthday?

“No…?” I ask after internally monologuing for way too long.

“Oh my god, you don’t know??” Juliet screeches in my ear, “Angel go look at your phone, it’s urgent!”

Now very concerned, I put Juliet on speaker and, for the first time all morning, actually read the notifications filling my lock screen. I open the Twitter news one, and my mouth drops open in shock.

“Holy shit.”

On my screen is a news article with a headline that reads, “THE ARK’S JIMMY KAGA-RICCI AND LISTER BIRD’S SECRET RELATIONSHIP EXPOSED”, and just below it sits a large photo of Jimmy and Lister, standing outside a pub, kissing. I don’t believe it.

“Holy fu- Hold on a second. Mate, isn’t that the pub by Piero’s house?!” I say, bringing my phone as close to my face as I can, as if that’ll help me see better. There’s a loud shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and then I hear a gasp.

“Oh my god, you’re right!” Juliet says. “Rowan said they were going on holiday, but I thought he meant abroad or something.” I smile at that. Ever since our little jaunt to Kent last summer, Juliet and I have kept in touch with the boys. We even have a group chat now; us and them and even Bliss is in it. I’m so glad we stayed friends.

At first, Rowan was really quiet, and if he did speak he and Juliet would almost always end up arguing, but they’ve been getting along quite well lately. I’m not saying I ship it or anything, I’ve learnt my lesson there, but I have to say, fangirl-to enemies-to lovers would make a wicked fanfiction trope.

“Did you see any of this coming?” Juliet continues. “Surely Jimmy would have said something to you?”

“He said he was dating someone, but didn’t want to give details because they were taking things slow. Well, that and that celebrity phone hacking scandal freaked him right the fuck out, remember?” I say.

"That's

right, he stopped talking on the group chat for like two weeks, didn’t he?” Juliet giggles back. “Well, nevertheless, I’m happy for them. They’re cute together.”

“Yeah, they are.” I grin again. “Oh my god, poor Rowan though! I’d hate to live with a couple, especially a new one! It’d be nauseating.”

“Oh I know, right? And imagine what’ll happen when they have their first fight!” Juliet gasps again. I shudder at the thought.

“I’m muting the group chat when that happens.” I joke.

“Not a bad idea.” Juliet laughs back, then pauses. “Oh, Angel, I’m sorry I’ve got the get going, but do you want to skype later?”

“Yeah, no problem! I’ve got a revision session at 6, but I should be free by 9ish?”

“Sounds perfect! See you then!” Juliet says, and with that, she’s gone, and I’m back to sitting alone with my pizza.

Jimmy and Lister. Holy shit. I don’t think anyone in the fandom saw this coming. Everything has been about Jowan, since the fandom started growing it’s the only ship that ever existed. No one bothered writing fics about any other pairings. The only Jimmy/Lister fics I ever came across were platonic ones, and even they made sure to mention Jimmy’s boyfriend Rowan.

Oh god, I hope they’re okay. The fans got so crazy when Bliss and Rowan’s relationship was exposed. Jimmy/Lister is the final nail in the Jowan coffin. Jimmy must be having the panic attack of his life! I’ve got to-

My phone rings again.

I look down at the screen, and see Jimmy’s name. I take a deep breath, and answer.

“Jimmy, hi! How are-”

“Have you seen it??”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. This isn’t how we wanted to tell you guys.”

“You sure? Because getting caught by the national press worked so well for you last time.” I tease. Silence. Oops, probably not the best thing to remind him of right now.

“Jimmy, you still there?” I say carefully. There’s a slight rustle on his end, which means he probably just nodded. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise. The fans will move on. They already did with Jowan, right?”

“But what if something happens again? Something like-”

“It won’t. You guys have better security now, and you’re doing less public events. You’re going to be fine.” I hope and pray that I’m saying the right things. Jimmy and I have gotten close lately, but I’m nowhere near as good at helping him deal with his anxiety as Rowan and Lister are. There’s more silence, until finally, Jimmy speaks again.

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah I think you’re right. Thanks, Angel.”

“Course I’m right! If there’s one thing I know, it’s fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs, and I grin back. “And don’t forget, you’re not alone in this. This is happening to Lister too, and no doubt Rowan and Bliss will be there to help you. Just talk to them.”

“Thank you Angel, I’ll go do that now.”

“Perfect! Love you Jim, I’ll text you later.” I say, and the call ends.

He’ll be okay. He’s got too many people who love him not to be. I take another breath and put my phone down on the table. As soon as I do, however, it buzzes again, and I see Jimmy is trying to facetime me. Now very concerned, I answer it and hold the phone up so he can see my face properly.

“Jimmy, are you okay, what’s happened??” I ask anxiously, but he looks fine. He looks at me with a confused expression.

“Nothing, I’m just talking to the others, like you said.” He says. It’s only me and him on the call. I stare at him in silence for a moment.

“Jimmy, mate… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not any of them” I say slowly, and to my surprise, Jimmy laughs.

“Yeah I know, but I was kind of hoping to have you here, too, if that’s okay?” He says sheepishly. “It’s okay if you’re busy, it’s just that… I don’t know, you’re good with this stuff and you make me feel calm? Sorry, I know that’s a lot to just dump on you.” Jimmy doesn’t look at me directly, and I start to feel tears in my eyes.

“Well damn, Jim, I guess if you truly love me that much, I can stick around for a bit.” I laugh, and quickly glance at the time. “My lunch break is only halfway over, anyway, so I have plenty of time to hang out while you talk to the others.”

Jimmy seems to let out a breath, like he’d been holding it, and grins.

Just as I’m about to start talking again, I hear a ping, and Lister’s face appears on screen, followed by Rowan and Bliss.

“Hey Jimjam, you okay?” Rowan asks, looking as calm as ever. “Oh hey Angel.” He adds. I give him an awkward smile.

“Wait, Angel's here?” Bliss interrupts before Jimmy can answer. “Nice, how’s the week from hell going? Didn’t think we’d hear from you until you’d made it through.”

“Yeah it’s rough, but I’m getting there. This is a welcome distraction though.” I grin at her.

“So you’ve seen the pictures then. They look good, right?” Lister chimes in, before correcting himself. “I mean, it’s horrible they found us, fucking pricks, but you’ve got to admit we look good.”

“You can be so self-centred sometimes.” Bliss laughs.

“Come on Lister, this isn’t a joke.” Rowan chides him.

“Well, I guess he isn’t wrong..” Jimmy mumbles nervously and I see him smile a bit.

“See, Jimmy agrees with me!” Lister argues back at Rowan, who rolls his eyes.

“It’s still not something to laugh about.” Rowan says firmly. “Cecily’s already on damage control, cancelling some events, beefing up the security at others, and giving the tabloids hell. She’s also let your grandad know, Jimmy.”

“Wait, aren’t you guys all down there already?” I ask, confused.

“Nah we got back last night. That picture was taken when we went out for lunch the other day. Took their time printing it.” Lister says.

“Probably needed time to pad out their articles. Seriously, how can they write so many pages about two people dating?” Bliss adds.

“Probably whining about how Jowan is now well and truly dead.” Rowan rolls his eyes again. “Although I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that part.” I cringe slightly as he says that. I will never not regret being one of the Jowan fangirls.

“So Cecily’s already got a plan? That’s good, that’s a bit of a relief.” Jimmy speaks up, looking visibly more relaxed than he had sounded over the phone earlier.

“Yeah she’s got it sorted, so we can start planning our Christmas party!” Lister says, making the others groan.

“Lister what the hell makes you think we should be throwing a massive fucking party right now?!” Rowan says, his voice growing louder. Lister goes quiet, looking like he wants to shrink into his seat, before eventually speaking up again.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be anything big, I just mean… Angel, you’re gonna be in London with Juliet, right? Come over, drag Bliss with you, Jimmy can invite his grandad, Rowan you can bring Jade, and there you go, that’s our party!”

“That’s...actually a good idea.” Rowan says, surprised.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” Jimmy adds.

“I’m up for it, Angel, do you think Juliet will wanna come?” Bliss says.

“Hell yeah she would, let’s do it!” I reply with a massive smile on my face. Partying with Bliss and the boys sounds like the best way to spend my Christmas London trip. I’ll make sure to tell Juliet about it when I talk to her later. As I start planning all the food I’m going to bring over, and wondering what the boys’ flat will look like at Christmas, the conversation starts up again.

“You sure you’re doing alright, Jimmy? I can come back home if you need me to.” Rowan says, focusing things on the issue at hand again.

“No no, don’t worry, stay with your family. They’d kill me if I made you miss out on spending time with them.” Jimmy jokes. “I’ve got Lister here, and Cecily’s number if I need it. My head isn’t giving me too much grief right now, anyway.”

“Wait, Lister, you’re there with him?” Bliss asks.

“Yeah, check it out!” Lister says, before picking up his phone and moving. He takes us out of what I think was his room, through a hallway and comes out into a large living room, where we can see Jimmy on a sofa looking at his phone. “Say hi to the chat, Jim!”

Everyone laughs as Jimmy gives an awkward wave to Lister’s phone. Lister then hangs up and launches himself into view of Jimmy’s screen, and the two shuffle about until they’re practically sitting on top of each other, faces

squished together so the tiny phone camera captures them both. I hate how cute they look together.

“Alright, if you’re sure, Jimmy,” Rowan says, smiling for probably the first time this whole call.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jimmy smiles back. “This whole situation is terrifying, and I’m more than ready to hide in my room and not see another mad fangirl for the rest of my life, but... if I did that we’d never get to hang out with Angel again.” He finishes, biting his lip as if unsure of whether or not the joke will hit.

“Uh..ouch!” I clap my hand on top of my heart dramatically and laugh, while the others join in. “I’ll have you know I’ve abandoned my fangirl ways. Mostly. Sort of. Okay, not completely but I’m not shipping real people anymore, so that’s something, right?!”

Lister is giving Jimmy a look of what I can only assume is pride for making a decent joke during a time of peak anxiety, Rowan has his head in his hands, probably contemplating his life choices now that Lister seems to be rubbing off on Jimmy, and Bliss still looks shocked that such a joke came out of Jimmy’s mouth, not Lister’s. When things calm down again, I check the time and speak up again.

“Well this has been fun Jim, but I’m afraid I have mad fangirl duties to be getting back to. Shrines to build, fanfiction to write, you know how it is.” I say sarcastically.

“Thanks again, Angel, for being here, and listening. And you’d better be right about that fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs again, although this time I see his smile falter a bit.

“Hey, look at me,” I say, moving as close to the screen as I can without squishing my face on it. “Things will settle down before you know it, in the meantime, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone in this.” Rowan and Bliss nod in agreement, and I see Lister hug Jimmy closer. Jimmy takes a breath and nods as well.

“Thanks Angel. And good luck with your exam. We’ll see you over the holidays.” He smiles.

“Yeah you got this Angel, go smash it!” Bliss chimes in, giving me a thumbs up and a grin. I say one last goodbye to them all, and hang up.

I look back down at my pizza, still uneaten. I need to stop letting myself get distracted during phone calls. I can eat and talk to my friends at the same time. I’m usually a master at it.

“Fereshteh!” I look up again. Either I’m going loony, or someone just said-

“FERESHTEH!” I turn around and see Mollie and Christina barrelling towards me, with the most excitement I’ve ever seen on a students’ face during exam season. They crash into my table and both start talking at once.

“Have you seen??”

“Did you know??”

“How long have they been together?!”

“Oh my god is this why you won’t tell us about what happened in Kent?!”

“Woah, easy on the interrogation! Seriously, you guys need to work on your interview skills.” I put my hands up in surrender and laugh. Mollie rolls her eyes at me.

“So? Did they tell you or what?” She asks again. I roll my eyes back at her.

“You know I don’t want to tell you guys anything about the boys. They trust me, and I’m not going to fuck that up because of some shit a tabloid prints.”

“How dare you appeal to our morality and ethics, we want gossip dammit!” Christina giggles, lightly banging her fist down on the table.

“Then stick to the Twitter pages.” I stick my tongue out at her. Mollie and Christina are two of my housemates, and are part of the Ark fandom. I never planned on telling them about Kent, but they figured out who I was thanks to the pictures of me and Jimmy on the train. I didn’t think you could tell it was me, but fangirls are like master detectives. They figured it out in less than a week. They haven’t told anyone though, they’re good mates.

“So how are you feeling about all of this? Whether you knew or not, having it out in the press like this is a lot to handle, especially after last time.” Mollie says, now in serious mode.

“It is a lot, definitely, but they’ll be fine. They’ve had this happen before and they know what to expect from the fans. I just wish I could be there for them.” I say, sitting back in my chair.

“I get

that, it must suck that you guys are so far apart now.” Christina chimes in.

“I mean it’s not like we ever lived close to each other before. The only reason we even crossed paths over the summer was because I was staying with a friend. But yeah, being away from them all is kind of hard sometimes.” I sigh dramatically, making Mollie and Christina grin.

“Are you going to visit them over Christmas?” Christina asks.

“I’m definitely going to visit my friend in London again, for a day or two, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the boys.” I quickly lie. “They cut back on public events but they’re still really busy most of the time. And this,” I gesture to my phone “definitely won’t help.”

“We’ll keep an eye on fandom updates for you, and try to shut any mentions of Jowan down,” Mollie says, reaching across the table and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I squeeze hers back and give her a grateful smile. I mostly stopped interacting with the fandom after meeting the boys, reading fanfiction, and discussing theories with other fans just feels weird and creepy to do when the people you’re talking about are your friends. So it’s nice that I have Mollie and Christina looking out for them, and doing what I can’t. Christina has a pretty big following on Tumblr, and Mollie’s a Twitter ace, so I trust them to hold their ground with the fandom.

“Okay, you don’t have to give us any details, but genuinely, what do you think of Lister and Jimmy as a couple? Because I don’t think the fandom could handle a breakup.” Christina says after a while, making me laugh.

“Pfft, yeah I don’t think the boys could handle a breakup, either.” I smile. “But honestly? I think they’ll be good for each other. Lister is good at helping Jimmy relax and step out of his anxiety bubble, and Jimmy can help reign in Lister’s chaotic energy. Plus they’re freaking cute together, I mean just look at this picture!” I finish, gesturing dramatically to my phone again.

“They are so cute!” Mollie nods in agreement. “I’m actually shocked no one thought to ship them together before.”

“That’s the Jowan storm, for you,” Christina adds. “Can’t believe we ever shipped that.”

“So gross.” I shudder at the thought. Suddenly the alarm I’d set this morning went off, making us all jump.

“What’s that?” Mollie asks. I check the screen and practically leap out of my seat.

“Oh shit, my exam starts in 10 minutes!” I say, gathering my stuff up as quickly as I can. I say my goodbyes to Mollie and Christina and start running back across campus to the exam hall.

I make it just in time, much to the invigilator’s chagrin, check my bag in at the desk at the back of the hall, and collapse into my assigned seat. The exam starts, and it’s only when it does that my stomach reminds me that I never actually ate lunch. Shit.

I start to silently scold myself for being so stupid, when my mind starts drifting to the video chat with Jimmy and the others. He and Lister looked so comfortable with each other. Makes sense, they've known each other for so long. But even still, Jimmy looked so much happier once Lister sat down with him, and Lister himself practically seemed at home with Jimmy’s arms wrapped around him. I smile at my exam paper.

I’m so happy for them.

#osemanverse #i was born for this #iwbft #bicci #angel rahimi #jimmy kaga ricci #lister bird #juliet schwartz #bliss lai

55 notes · View notes

violyane · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have some hc for Kaga and Megami

I don't know if you're asking for Kaga and Megami separately or kagami itself, but I'm gonna do both because they literally live rent-free in my head so lets gooooooo

Kaga

As a kid, he often visited his parents at Saikou Corp., which made him more interested in the company (and that's probably where he met Megami for the first time 👀)

Nobody from Akademi knows that he wore glasses in the past (except Shiromi and Info-chan, but that info doesn't benefit them rn).

He's fond of the way his hair looks after the failed experiment.

His hair will never turn back to its original color (but his genes may have remained the same idk)

He's the type of person that tends to overwork himself. He can literally not sleep for three days straight while he's working on something.

Because of sleep deprivation, his veins are basically filled with coffee by now.

It's a known headcanon, but he hates cats due to another failed experiment that involved one.

Another known headcanon, but I believe he could be related to Shiromi (maybe not siblings, but they could be cousins)

He's the type of person that would complain about unrealistic plots in movies/games

Out of all students, he dislikes Kizana the most. There were times where they fought during the whole club leader meetings.

He's mostly afraid of Aoi, since she doesn't trust him around Megami and has threatened him multiple times to stay away from her.

he has an ectomorph body type

He already lives in an apartment alone, where he has his own small lab.

He carries a diary around, where he scribbles new invention ideas.

He's a terrible cook.

Megami

She doesn't like physical affection mainly because she never actually experienced it on her own when she was younger.

She gets slightly nervous when she doesn't understand modern trends that her generation follows.

She copied her mother's looks since she thinks her mother is an exemplary example of elegance.

She wants to meet with her aunt and ask about her past decisions.

She gets teased all the time by Shiromi. She shows her dank memes while Megami just unemotionally looks at it.

She rarely talks about her emotions and had opened up only to her best friend.

She doesn't like metal jewelry.

She never watched a romance movie ever.

She's fond of ancient art

Wearing gloves give her comfort. She feels uncomfortable without them.

Although she doesn't have much time, she tries to spend her free time around nature.

As a child, one of her wishes was to experience one day as a normal girl.

Every time she gets the chance, she tries to fix her relationship with her brother.

On any formal occasions, she ignores people who are trying to flirt with her.

Kagami

I believe their relationship it's kinda a 'rivals to lovers' trope.

As times go by, Megami will become more comfortable with showing affection around Kaga.

Kaga will try to 'normalize' Megami's life as much as possible by taking her on casual dates.

While they are together they love to talk about new scientific discoveries and theories.

Kaga visits Megami in the student council room all the time, while she works there alone.

They dislike acting all lovey-dovey in public, but whenever they are alone Kaga becomes more clingy.

Kaga can get jealous pretty easily around Megami since he knows all the world is basically trying to take her hand in marriage.

When Kaga hurts himself while experimenting, Megami gets very overprotective.

When they started dating they began to experiment more with their appearance (trying new clothes, hairstyles, etc.)

Megami tried to persuade him to exercise with her regularly but gave up after Kaga almost died at the gym.

Megami finds it cute how Kaga talks to himself while working on something.

They both complain at each other for working too much but do it anyway.

Although Megami always complains about Kaga's messy hair, deep down she likes it.

There’s probably more but I need to save some hc for my fanfictions haha

#violyane replies #kaga kusha #megami saikou #kaga x megami #Kagami

46 notes · View notes

mishamalda · 4 years ago

Text

Casualties of Perspective: An Analysis of Díthorba

Introduction to Díthorba

Díthorba is an enemy boss character in the fourth game of the Fire Emblem series, Genealogy of the Holy War, recently added to the mobile game Fire Emblem Heroes. She is a Heavenly Knight of Silesse, an elite pegasus knight. She is most often portrayed as something of a mustache-twirling villain, comically evil; however, the truth of her character is a much more complex one. Kaga told me so. I’m writing this essay because I got her in Heroes and I have ADHD. It’s a love story for the ages.

Context: Politics of Silesse & The Heavenly Knights

Silesse is, in general, a neutral country; during the game, it does not serve as a power, but a battlefield, suffering its own civil war rather than taking part in the larger battle. The history of Silesse is sparse, with its characteristics centering on the fact of its foundation being by Crusader Ced: as such, it is principally peaceful. The martial strength attributed to the characters from Silesse lies in their association to wind, whether that be through flight (in pegasus and falcon knights) or magic (in wind mages).

Among the pegasus knights, there are four elite warriors who are considered the best in the country. These are the Heavenly Knights: Annand, Pamela, Erinys, and Díthorba. Annand is the captain. Both Pamela and Díthorba express jealousy toward her that borders on hatred— and toward one another and Erinys, as well. The Heavenly Knights, despite being the crown jewels of a country which values peace, are thus shown to be an order constantly at one another’s throats. This may be because of the intense stress that they must have undergone in order to become as skilled as they are, or it may be because of the competitive nature of their stations. Regardless of the origin, however, this tension makes the eventual shattering of the order understandable.

During the events of Genealogy of the Holy War, the conflict in Silesse revolves around an attempted coup d’etat. The queen of the country, Lahna, is not of Silessean royal blood, having married into the royal family, and was therefore seen as not capable of holding the throne after her husband passed. Her son, Lewyn, was meant to take the throne, but his uncles, Lahna’s brothers-in-law, saw him as weak, and together they attempted to take the throne. Díthorba held these views as well, stating in her Heroes lines that she believes Lahna “invited crisis to Silesse”.

The coup was eventually settled by Sigurd’s army, and both of Lewyn’s uncles were killed, along with Díthorba and Pamela.

Motivation and Morality

In the context of the political situation in Silesse, it becomes easy to discern Díthorba’s motivations, although her morality is still gray at best. Unlike her counterpart Pamela, who fights in the name of her own lust for power, Díthorba seems to have some desire to see her country changed for the better. When speaking on her hopes in Heroes, she remarks that her two greatest wishes are to see her country thriving and her daughter happy.

Díthorba does express a desire to become the captain of the Heavenly Knights, actively competing with Annand and Pamela while dismissing Erinys as an “amateur”. She is consistently portrayed as ambitious and proud, and only seems to question herself when she is defeated and killed: unlike Pamela, who is proud to the end, Díthorba’s dying line is “What have I done?”, implying at least a measure of self-awareness. Extrapolating from this quote, it may be assumed that Díthorba genuinely did want what was best for Silesse, and it is only upon seeing her own pride disproven, her arrogance torn open and her weakness exposed, that she recognizes the reality of things. In this we see the keystone of her moral code revealed: to seek strength and success both in herself and in her country.

Ambition alone does not make a villain. In different circumstances, Díthorba may have been a great servant to a better cause. Her desire for power, though a factor in her choices, is peripheral to her actions in the civil war. Serving Myos does not actually further her in the Heavenly Knights. By shattering Silesse, she does stand a chance of becoming the new commander, but the order as an order does not exist thanks to the civil war; therefore, she cannot be acting in her own self-interest. She provides a contrast to Pamela in this respect.

Despite this, Díthorba is by no means a good person. She may be serving a cause that she believes to be right, but her methods are terrible, and she is not an honorable knight, threatening extreme violence to Erinys when confronted and failing to show her basic respect. Though from her own viewpoint she is doing the best thing for Silesse, she does not present her side of the conflict to her enemies— although, again, since the enemy she has dialogue with is Erinys, this may be due to the deep antipathy that the Heavenly Knights hold for one another. It is next to impossible to judge Díthorba’s morality from the player’s perspective. She is shown through a lens that does not allow her to be good.

Relationships, Attachments, & Misha

Díthorba has very few attachments. Her only known associates at the time of her death are the Heavenly Knights, who— as stated above— do not act as friends or even allies. This is likely why she is defined as a traitor: although she may have technically been “allied” with the Heavenly Knights, they provided no reason for her to consider them her friends. Her duty was never to the other Knights, but to Silesse, and she did attempt to fulfill it in her own way.

The only loving attachment Díthorba has is found in her daughter, Misha. She never mentions her in her battle quotes— again, this is an issue not with her character but with her framing as an enemy— but does mention her in Heroes, as referenced above. Misha, who is a playable character in the intermediary game, Thracia 776, references Díthorba not only in her quotes but in her personality. Misha expresses great affection for her mother, and resembles her in being a pegasus knight. When she is captured, it is said that “The Pegasus Knights of Silesse value honor above all,” further shining a light on not only Misha’s but Díthorba’s actions.

Furthermore, Misha is serious and proud, similar to her mother, but is presented as a hero, not a villain. Although her morality is also questionable, her cause (feeding the orphans of Silesse) is unequivocally good. Misha fights in a war she knows is wrong in order to save innocents, and when her actions lead her own soldiers to their deaths, her honor demands that she die with them. Like Díthorba, she is complex, and they seem to be very similar in many respects; the difference between them is that in Thracia 776, Misha does not have to be your enemy. The picture this retroactively paints of Díthorba is a tragic one. A person with a cause she thought to be just, fighting on the side of someone she thinks to be the best choice for her country, never given the chance to see the truth of it— Díthorba is not a villain, but a flawed hero whose heroism only exists in her own warped view of the world.

To redirect back to the relationship itself, Misha’s unquestioned love for her mother (and the same affection from Díthorba in Heroes) provides a softer facet to the broken image we receive. It can be assumed that Díthorba treated her daughter with love and kindness, and fights for her future as much as for Silesse, but we are never allowed to see any of Díthorba’s warmth. In including this detail, Sigurd’s action of killing Díthorba— thus orphaning Misha— becomes a tragedy, not a victory.

Conclusion

Díthorba will always be an incomplete personality. General ideas may be extrapolated about her, but she is a casualty of perspective, unable to be shown in her entirety simply because Sigurd’s army does not have the luxury of coming to understand her. However, enough of her is revealed that her relative honor becomes painfully apparent. In different circumstances, or in a different story, she could easily have been something more than just more meat for the Sigurd grinder.

Also, she’s a lesbian, because I say so. Thanks for reading!

#my writing #fe4 #genealogy of the holy war #fire emblem #feh #i do what i want #dithorba #silesse #pegasus knight #she is so important. you dont understand #fe

16 notes · View notes

fiction-in-my-blood · 4 years ago

Text

Switching Sides: Part 15 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one

👉@theshove 👈

👉@kamyru 👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 14 is right here! Happy reading :)

And I just want to thank everyone that’s been consistently reading this fic, I know it’s a slow burn but I think it’ll be worth it :D

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, Abuse, Kidnapping, Torture.

~~~~~~

Early the next morning, I dressed in my loungewear to go to Juna's apartment. She had an outfit of her's waiting for me; I didn't own anything pink like the dress code she wanted. Grabbing a quick bite from the canteen and a coffee, as I have now remembered the difference between tea, I get the train to her apartment.

"Katsumi! You're here!" Juna bounced towards me, or as best she could under the weight of her almost grown baby, and stole the cake box I was balancing in one hand, holding my bag to my side with the other.

"Sorry I'm late, the metro was hectic." I sighed, kicking off my shoes as she shuffled back to the kitchen counter. There, I saw Kanto hurriedly putting up bunting. When he saw me, he directed his gaze to the space under the stairs where a set of drawers sat. Curiously, I stepped towards it, opening the top draw while Juna was distracted and found the ring I wanted. Pulling it out, I slipped it into a pocket in my bag.

"Your dress is in the bathroom if you wanna change!" Juna called over her shoulder as she pulled a box of strawberries out of the fridge, planning to chop them up.

"Sure thing!" I called back, knowing my way around the apartment since I lived here for months.

The dress in question was somewhat short and pastel pink. There was an upside-down triangle cut out of the back, the top half was tight and anything below the top of my hips was flowing. It was surprisingly comfortable, even if I felt like walking cotton candy.

"Told ya you'd like it!" Juna squealed in joy when she saw me emerge with a light blush on my face.

"It's not horrific." I pouted and went to help decorate the small balcony outside to escape her complimentary pestering.

~~~~~~

Once the arrival time for the party came around, more and more people started showing up. I didn't even think to ask my sister how many people were coming, but I sure as hell didn't think it would be this many people. There were so many, I was getting a little warm and the number of times I had to dart out of the way, getting my earring caught in my hair in the mad rush, I decided to put it up. I was bestowed with the job of answering the door so, when it rang again, I jumped up with a sigh. Because I was so used to seeing faces I didn't know, having everyone comment on how alike my twin and I looked, I was shocked when all the instructors showed up on the other side.

"In-Instructors, you made it?" I blushed when I saw them all in their casual clothes, instantly anxious when I remembered the outfit I was wearing. They all obeyed Juna's wish of them wearing pink or blue, all of varying degrees of severity, except for one. Can you guess who it was?

"Com... Come in. You can leave your shoes here." When I realised I had been staring, I jumped out the way to let them in. ‘God, Katsumi. Keep your cool!’ I internally screamed as I watched them filter in. Then, I directed them to the food when Juna finally approached us.

"Detectives, I'm so glad you could make it! I hope you enjoy yourselves. There's beer in the fridge, so have at it. There's plenty to go around!" Seemingly much more used to the instructors than I am, or she's just more sociable, Juna had a bright smile on her face. "Detective Kaga, you're not wearing blue." She frowned at the one person in the room not giving in her wishes.

"Juna, please." I begged her not to embarrass me as Kaga 'tsk'ed to himself. Then, he extended his hand to her, which held a paper bag. She took it and looked in to find a gift.

"Kaga, this is so cute! Look at it, Katsu." She squealed at the small bear with beady black eyes. It was kinda adorable and I blushed at the fact my sternly faced mentor had gifted it. The tag still attached to it said it was a nanny cam. My embarrassed and confused gaze fell to him and he sneered.

"My niece liked it."

‘Is he... pouting?’ It was almost too strange to tell with the faint blush on his face. ‘Is he already drunk? Wait! He has a niece?’ My blush deepened as I imagine how Kaga might act with a child to know her so much to know her favourite toy.

“Did none of your friends come?” Soma interjected my thoughts from beside me, seeing as Juna had gone to Kanto in the kitchen. I almost jumped out of my skin, but only because I was scared he could read my mind.

“Oh, no. No they… They were busy.” I quickly made up a pathetic lie, not wanting to throw Naruko under the for being afraid of the instructors. “Anyway, can I get you guys any drinks? Like Juna said, we’ve got beer, soda, water?” I listed off a few options so I could just escape this cluster of men, and even more people started to swarm us at their appearance.

“How does Juna know such good looking, young men?” A very forward older woman instantly clutched Instructor Goto’s arm, either drunk or that was just her rich nature. I instantly started panicking again.

“U-Um, Miss, they’re my bosses. Please… Please let go of him.” I was frantic as the instructor looked increasingly uncomfortable because of her flirtations. Almost everyone here was Juna’s work friends or spouses of, so they were all high standing members of society, not anyone I ever expected to mingle with.

When the woman just wouldn’t let go of him, I decided it was time to amp it up a gear. “Actually, I think your husband was talking to the composer’s daughter by the bathroom.” I gestured to an older man and a girl around my age talking up a storm on the other side of the spacious room, and the woman almost simultaneously stormed over.

After profusely apologising to Goto for what he already had to go through after just arriving, with the instructors still around us, Shinonone expressed how shocked he was that I could diffuse the situation somewhat quickly.

“I used to work in a club downtown. It was part of my job to get a feel for relationships in the room. O-Of course, you saw me working.” I was almost sweating with how nervous I was, remembering how rude I was to the instructor when he didn’t even know it was me at the time. Ayumu smirked at the memory of the interaction, and probably what I was wearing then too.

Luckily, Juna called me away to help her with something before I could be teased further.

~~~~~~

Later on in the party, I felt the need to step outside and take a breather, so I headed to the balcony and was surprised to find no one there. It was spring, the weather; surprisingly warm, and the flowers Kanto had been growing for Juna were in full bloom.

With my elbows resting on the railing, I suddenly realised what Kaga being here means. "I passed." I gasped, my heart filling with pride and doing a little dance to try and expel my joy. A rush of relief flooded over me and I don't think I've been happier than that moment. Not just relieved, but happy.

"It's been a while since I've seen that dance." A man's voice spoke up behind me and I turned in curiosity. For a moment, I truly believed it was one of my captors, but my vision quickly corrected it to Noburu. My heart raced as I saw him standing in the doorway, eyes wide. I hadn't seen him in a month. I was never told of him visiting. I was a little angry, he hadn't even texted me. But, above all else, I was scared. He sent alarm bells ringing in my head as if he really was the captor that fed me. That stood by and watched as I deteriorated into a heap of weeping bruises.

"No...Noburu. What are you doing here?" I panicked, stepping back and finding the railing block me from going over the edge. In an instant he was in front of me, holding my face as tears grew in my eyes.

"I missed you so much. I went to visit but you freaked out. I was so worried." His face was so close all I could see was him as he held my cheeks, his fingers extending into my hair, which I had let down again. I struggled, the image of that man seared in my brain.

When he saw me trying to get away, he crashed his lips on mine, taking my breath and any words I wanted to say to reject him. I tried to tug on the hands that kept me in place, but he wouldn't let go. His grip was vice-like. When he parted his lips to breath, I was able to whimper out "stop".

After I said that, he went to kiss me again, but he was pulled off me by someone yanking on his collar. There, holding the bewildered Noburu, was Kaga, rage painting his face. Embarrassed and afraid, I covered my mouth to hide my tears and sobs, darting by them, careful not to fall in my short heels as my legs shook.

~~~~~~

Bored out of my mind with all the aristocratic assholes Katsumi's sister was friends with, I decided to find the servant I found so fun to tease. My gaze flew around the room to find women surrounding most of the men from the PSD, except Goto who looked as bored as I was. Then, my gaze found the glass balcony doors and the woman I'm looking for. She was talking to a man, someone who looked dishevelled and not belonging to this group of people. Then, I noticed the tremble in her lip and her wide, astonished eyes watering out of... fear? I decided to head over and check if everything was alright.

When I opened the door, the man pounced on Katsumi, holding her face as he kissed her. A feeling in my stomach lit up my jealousy and anger as I watched them, but Katsumi seemed to be responding. I couldn't really tell when his hands were covering most of her face and his body was covering the rest of her.

As I turned to leave, I heard a low, high-pitched sound.

"Stop."

I spun around in a second, storming forward and gripping the back of the man's collar before yanking him off, possibly choking him in the process. I glared at him before checking to see if Katsumi was okay. Tears were falling down her face and the lipgloss she had on was smudged. Her hair was a mess and her knees were cowering a little. When she noticed what happened, her hand flew to her face and she ran back inside.

"Dude, what the hell?" The man who assaulted her frowned and my enraged glare returned to him. That was when I noticed it was the guy Katsumi used to work with at that club. I remembered watching her bend over the bar to talk to him, noticing how high her dress rode up her thighs, just shy of flashing everyone there. I growedl, remembering how much trust she must have had to talk to him the way Ayumu said she did.

"Get out or I concave your face." I threatened, dropping his collar. He was angry at first but when he saw how likely it was for me to do it, he ran to the front door.

~~~~~~

Stepping out of the bathroom, having cleaned myself up and calmed myself down enough to stop crying, I got to work; cleaning up the bottles and cans surrounding the room- mainly to distract myself. The party was still in full swing and I didn't want to ruin my sister's special moment. I could suck it up for now. All I wanted was for Noburu to be gone.

"Hey, idiot." A quiet voice erupted from behind me as I grabbed a few glass bottles from the counter in the kitchen, which was pretty vacant. I quickly recognised it at Kaga.

"I don't want to talk about it," I grumbled, not caring who he was in that moment.

"I kicked him out." He announced.

‘At least that's a relief.’ I sighed, feeling my tears return as I remembered how he had touched me. I trusted him. If he knew I had a breakdown the last time I had seen him, why would he still do that?

"Okay. I still don't want to talk about it." I complained, moving back and forth from the bin and the sink with trash and dishes to clean up later.

"Katsumi," Kaga said, but I ignored him, no matter how much him saying my name made my heart flutter. "Hey, moron." He grabbed my wrist as I dropped a few wooden skewers into the trash and spun me to see him.

"I'm not going to talk about it because I’ll cry. I'm not going to cry at my sister's baby shower." I gritted my teeth, returning his stern glare to try and make myself feel tougher.

"Why are you crying then?" He smirked and I sneered, noticing the wet drop roll down my cheek. I rushed to catch it with my unclaimed hand.

"He looks like one of them. Or he reminds me, anyway." I pouted, looking away from my instructor as he continued to hold my wrist. I'm sure he could feel my pulse race as my fear returned, mixed with the excitement of how close he was. I struggled to control my emotions when his grip tightened. I wasn’t intimidated. It was almost comforting, encouraging me to spill my guts right there in my sister's kitchen.

Suddenly, I was pulled towards him and enveloped in warmth and his scent. Slightly smokey, although whatever cologne he used did a good job of covering it up. I tried to look up from the chest I was being pushed against, but his hand settling on my head forced my gaze forward. My heart was pumping blood to my cheeks at an alarming rate and it was so loud I couldn't hear his. The pent up frustration I felt towards Noburu broke free from the weak dams I put up and my tears fell fast. My fist clenched on Kaga’s chest, angry that I had let someone I hardly knew so close. Before, I would have never gone out 'dates' with someone I enjoyed the company of- although I didn't really think of them in that way. I would have closed myself in my home, trying to keep to myself, not wanting to grow connections in case my father found me and I would have to leave everyone I had grown to love. It made it harder to justify how much safer I and those people would be if I left. I was mad at myself for letting go.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat in the doorway of the kitchen. I darted back, making sure to turn my back to wipe my eyes before turning back to cleaning, pretending like nothing had happened. "Juna wants to cut the cake." It was Ayumu who spoke up, walking over to the fridge, between me and Kaga. Too afraid to talk in case my voice wavered, I nodded and walked out the room, heading to the table everyone was surrounding.

~~~~~~

The party pretty much drew to a close after the gender reveal. It's a girl, but no one's surprised. Juna had been going on about it for weeks. Even before they could tell what the gender was.

"I'm gonna have a little Katsu of my own!" Juna cried with joy as she sat in front of the pile of gifts in front of her.

"At least give her a similar name. It'll be confusing if you give her the same as mine." I complained, picking up the wrapping paper she threw around the room. Thanks to my silent moment with Kaga, I was able to calm down enough to act normal for the rest of the party. All the instructors had gone home and it was just us and Kanto.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kanto asked as I walked into the kitchen with a trash bag in hand. He was cleaning the dishes while Juna enjoyed herself to her heart's content. I nodded, hoping I wasn't giving any signals that said otherwise.

"Well... I, um... I saw Noburu earlier." His voice was low, scared that if he told me he'd set me off again. I froze mid-way picking up the trash and recovered as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, he... He kissed me." My own voice was also low, afraid that if I said it aloud it would cement the end of our friendship. Kanto spun around to look at me and I tried to stop frowning. "It's fine... Kaga got him off me before I could spiral." I bit my lip, continuing my cleaning to distract myself.

"I'm sorry." Is all I hear Kanto mumble as I escape the room.

~~~~~~

That night, I returned to the dorm but found that I didn't want to sleep yet. My mind was racing, the ring my mother left for us in my fingertips as I sat on my couch. I looked for an engraving in the inside of the band. Nothing. The clear crystal, which I'm sure was a diamond; too small for me to tell if there was anything odd going on. There were several smaller ones dotted around it.

"Could it be to do with the make? Well, it's not like I can tell." I sighed. I hardly wore jewellery anyway. I was hopeless trying to find clues. "Maybe the detectives on the case discovered something?" I got up and made my way to one of the common rooms to use a computer.

It was the dead of night, so silent I thought I might have gone deaf. Luckily, the hallway lights were always on. Pulling out a chair, I brought the file up before I even sit down. The notes say that they found wording embedded in the jewels. Nano-sized. But they couldn't make any sense of it.

"Juno charges towards Juna, aiming for Katsu."

‘Well, that's not cryptic all.’ I sighed, slightly stunned to find both my and my sister's names. I decided my best bet would be to look up the meaning behind our names.

‘As a boy's name, Katsu means victory. Juna means woods and south. Could there be a battle in the woods or something?’ I frowned my brows, feeling wildly out of my depths and kind of silly for looking such things up on a school computer. Looking up the address of the murder, I looked at Google Maps because I knew I wouldn't be able to travel anywhere anytime soon. I dragged the picture south as far as I could, but nothing caught my eye.

The woman murdered, my mother's friend, it seemed, was found in a lake just outside Tokyo. Surrounded by woods.

"Oh?" I gasped when I s awthat there were cabins for sale in those same woods. They had been around for years, it seemed, and a community had been made there. With a small supermarket and diners, it looked like a 20 person village.

"Could she..?" I led off, wondering if my mother could have moved there to hide. "No, she'd be too close." But the fact irked me in a way that I wanted to check. There was a link to the real estate agents website. There, I found a phone number. Without thinking much, I called it, not considering how late after office hours it was.

"Thank you for calling Juna Estate Agents. We are always happy to answer your questions, but you've caught us after office hours. We open at 8 am every day, so please don't hesitate to ca-!" I hang up before the woman's voice on the voicemail can finish.

‘I shouldn't be doing this.’ I think. I know. I shouldn't be tempting myself with the idea. It would only get my hopes up and I'd only come crashing down when I exhausted all the leads I might find.

"She's dead." I reminded myself, pushing my father's questions to the back of my head, and turned off the computer.

~~~~~~~~~~

Monday came around and I was particularly exhausted. The last two nights had been the worst I had had in a while and I almost fell asleep cutting my own hair.

Heading to the cafeteria, notebook in hand, looking down at the floor, I was almost sleepwalking. Thankfully, I was pulled out of my dream-like state by a certain excitable morning person.

"Katsumi, you look so cute!" Naruko squealed upon seeing my now short hair. It was cut just shy of my shoulder, hugging the ear I pulled it behind. My hair was still white, too scared to dye it again in case I messed something up. Juna was always the one that did it for me and I didn't want to bother her.

"Thanks. It's easier to maintain this way." I laughed uneasily, hiding the true reason I prefered it short. My 'uncles' liked pulling on my hair. It’s hard to grab when it's like this. With a skip in her step, Naruko pulled me into the cafeteria.

"What's got you in a good mood?" I asked as we sat down, putting my heavy eyelids to the back of my mind.

"Chiba bought me a gift just because. It was so cute." She squealed, holding her cheeks as if her smile hurt. I cocked my head.

"Why’s he buying you gifts?" I asked before taking a spoonful of cereal.

"Oh shit, I didn't tell you?" She gasped and I shook my head, still chewing. "We're dating."

Instantly, I started choking at the gasp of air I took in when she told me. She asked me if I was okay and I put up a singular finger to tell her I'd just need a minute to recover.

"Si-Since when?" Taking the napkin she held out for me, I quickly wiped the milk covering the sides of my lips. I tried to ignore the fascinated stares of the male population around us.

"Hmm, a couple of months, I think? You'd have to ask him, he's the one that keeps track of it all." She waved of her unbothered-ness and continued eating as if I hadn't almost just died. "That reminds me, how was the party?"

Blushing, I tried to push the memory of Kaga holding me to the side as I reported how utterly bored I was for the rest of the event. "Her friends are all musicians, so they were mainly talking about their next concerts. Someone asked Juna if she was returning to the orchestra and she started balling." I forced a chuckle, really feeling sorry for my sister who couldn't accomplish the dream she wanted. She would have to settle to play for us and her daughter when she's old enough to play herself. I was sure Juna would push the joys of playing an instrument on her, or any future children she intended on having.

"What about the instructors?" Her wiggling eyebrows were enough to tell me she thought something kinky happened. I blushed but said I didn't notice because I was so busy. "You sure?" She dragged out her question, sliding into the seat next to mine, peering into my face. I stuffed my mouth with the rest of my cereal and jumped up, pointing to the door like I was in a rush to get to class. "You can't hide from me, Katsumi! I'm trained for this!"

~~~~~~

At the end of the day, I was sitting in the Instructor's Staff Room as usual, but couldn’t concentrate on my work. In the silence, my mind kept trailing to that clue my mother supposedly left for me. ‘Should I go looking for her? What if I end up leading someone to her? Could she be alive?’

As I thought, I didn't notice Kaga talking. Suddenly, I feel a blow on the back of my head and I jumped. "What're you spacing out for?" He glared down at me and I blushed an apology. When I tried to go back to work, he grabbed the arm of my spinning chair and directed it towards him, pinning me down by grabbing the other side.

"Are you still hung up on that kiss?" He whispered, his face incredibly close, gaze so strong I felt like I couldn't look away. "I can give you one if it helps you forget." The smirk on his face told me he was teasing, but I couldn't help my imagination run wild.

‘He's your instructor, Katsumi” That's not appropriate.’ I told myself off and shook my head 'no'.

"What're you spacing out for then?" He kept interrogating me, making no move to back down.

"I... I didn't get much sleep last night." I muttered, scared if I talked too loud I would stutter over every word.

"You have your pills. Take them." He demanded and I looked away, embarrassed I needed help to even sleep. I felt pathetic. When I didn't respond, Kaga stood up straight and returned to his office. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and returned to work, completely forgetting about any possibility of finding my mother.

~~~~~~

Working away at my desk, trying to distract myself from any thought about the woman sitting just outside my office, Ayumu stormed in with a stern look on his face.

"Someone keeps accessing a case file on the database." He dropped the papers on my desk after making sure the door was closed behind him. I looked down and found a solved case from over a decade ago. "I looked at the security cameras pointing at the computer used and guess who I found." He slapped another sheet down with a dishevelled and tired-looking Katsumi pictured on it. My brows furrowed at this suspicious behaviour.

"I'll deal with it." Wanting to be the first one to hear her explanation, I slid the files into my desk. Ayumu's brows flickered together before he realised what I said. I glared up at him, daring him to argue, but instead, he excused himself, walking right back out the door as fast as he came in.

~~~~~~

"I can't believe we were caught making out on security cameras!" Naruko, almost giddily, cries out after telling me an instructor had confronted both her and Chiba about inappropriate behaviour in the common rooms. Apparently, they were getting hot 'n' heavy before escaping to her room and they got caught. Although, that's not the part of the story I was fretting over.

‘I would have been caught sneaking on the computers in the middle of the night. Are there rules against that?’ I have to stop myself from pulling at my hair as I freaked out. Kaga or Ayumu would have gladly said something if I was doing anything wrong. ‘Should I come clean before they need to? No, that's a horrible idea. I'd be admitting my own guilt.’ I shook my head at my internal conversation, Naruko too self-absorbed to realise. She was walking to me the Instructor's Staff Room before lunch because I was tasked with delivering some papers to Kaga. ‘Oh god, what if this is an excuse to get me here?’

~~~~~~~~

At lunch, Katsumi knocked on the door of my office. Her head peeked in first, her short bob only leaning slightly. I found that style on her so sexy. Her white hair against her fair skin. Her neck on display for every man to see. I had to stop myself from staring her into the ground as she approached my desk with light steps, scared for some reason. That's when I remembered the case file she was caught staring at.

"Instructor Akiyame asked me-."

"What were you doing looking at these?" I cut her off, pulling the papers out and dropping them in front of me as she put the stack she had down. She froze, staring at the first page like it had just threatened her life. I watched her gulp, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear, giving herself time to think. She couldn't look at the glare I had on my face and I couldn't say I wasn’t amused. She'd been caught and she knew it, thinking she could just magic her way out of here by not answering me? No way.

Standing up, I walked around the desk to meet her gaze. She stumbled back, but I could tell she wasn’t terrified. Not like that guy at the party. Her eyes were wide, but not with fright. It was almost curiosity that pulled her in. She gulped again as I cornered her into the desk.

Just as I was about to ask again, she announced her reasonings. "My... My mother was a witness in that case." She bit her lip, turning away and her hair fell, blocking my view of that innocent guilty expression. I was almost annoyed that I got to miss it. I knew she had more to say, the absence in the movement of her chest told me she's holding her breath, waiting for me to push her further.

"She left me a ring before she ran away. It was a piece of evidence." She continued to report as I dropped a hand either side of her on my desk. She leaned so far back she might as well have been sitting on the surface. I looked down and her thigh in the tight trousers of the academy uniform widened as she pressured backwards.

"I thought she was dead... But my... My father kept asking me where she was... So I got curious." Her voice was trembling now, so I knew she was remembering her time in that underground torture chamber. My eyes narrowed, heart-stopping when I heard her frail noises. It angered me that she had to go through that. For her whole life. And it angered me that I didn't try looking for her when she didn't show up in the hotel. I had an inkling that something was up. A body can't be incinerated like that, no matter how much of the building went up in flames. I should have followed my instincts, but I let Ishigami's facts get the better of me. Our Chief even had to talk me down. I was so angry at her for running in. It was such a stupid move. Even still, I remembered her saving me. Even if some people told me it could have been a hallucination caused by the lack of oxygen I was getting because of all the smoke I had inhaled. I never let Ishigami change my actions. So, why did I then?

It was even harder when we found the woman at the club who looked just like her. The only thing that was different was her hair colour and the way she acted when we were far from her. She was comfortable, completely in her element as she pushed that guy into the bar. She almost seemed bored by the constant string of criminal activities in that club. I almost believed it wasn't her when she stood on the foothold of the stool and bent over the bar to get close and personal with the bartender, her dress just covering her most discreet place.

Yet, I saw the fluster on her cheeks when she turned to confront the suspicious man in the club she was meant to protect. I’ll be honest, I didn't think she had it in her to entice a man like that. On purpose. Not like the way she's intrigued me. Her unconscious movements and reactions to the way I treated her was a force that I hadn't enjoyed before. I always found myself wondering how far I could push her before she got mad and stormed away, not afraid to take the work I had given her before I even finished my demands.

I backed up when I heard her sniff. Her arm darted in front of her eyes so I couldn't see and I started to feel guilty that I was the cause of it.

"I keep telling myself that she's dead, but I can't help thinking that she's out there. I even called this estate agent, using the clue in that ring, but it was too late at night and I backed out." She was pouring her heart out to me as she cried, still hiding her true pain from me. I sighed, wrapping my arms around her because it seemed like it helped her. She grabbed the sleeve of my arm. Not to push away, but to help support herself.

‘Moron.’ I wasn’t calling her one, she was perfectly allowed to be reacting like this. She was a broken girl who went through a traumatic event. I was blaming myself for feeling the feelings that I was. I noticed the way she bit the tip of her thumb when she was stressed, not because of an interrogation tactic, but because her frowning brows looked so cute. I noticed the way she lifted her glasses onto her head the second she could because she got so annoyed by them. I noticed the way she could just brush Ayumu's teasing off and how she had grown so used to all the men in the academy talking to her. She had calmed down since the beginning of the year, when she couldn't even sit down on a bed next to me.

Now that I think about it, maybe that was for a different reason as well? She was always so cautious, so willing to prove herself to everyone else, I wondered how she would react if she knew how I felt? How I thought about her at night when I finally got a moment of silence away from Four Eyes or sudden changes to my schedule.

My gaze fell to the back of her neck, exposed under the hair that floated over her shoulders and I was angry with myself that that was how I reacted in the moment. It wasn’t appropriate and not okay. And, even though I say that, I couldn't help but be happy that I was the one that could hold her. I was the one that could back her up into a wall and tease her. She wouldn't tell me off, not like she did to Ayumu when he got too personal. I was the one that knew how her outdated sense in music calmed her down. I might not have known how much she was struggling, but I knew how to help her.

~~~~~~~~~

As I stood in Kaga's arms again, I couldn't help but think how safe I felt with him. His arms were so strong and his chest was hard but soft. The heat radiating off him would otherwise be unbearable but the way his breath blew on the back of my neck as I cried into him, it was tolerable. The cigarette smell mixed in with cologne didn't bite at my nose the same way my father did, he only ever smelt like the acidic stench cigars gave him. The glares he gave me were more encouraging than anything, daring me to do better. The way he held me on missions may be temporary and full of the facade we were trying to portray, but my heart raced every time. Sure, whenever a guy got into my personal space I'm embarrassed, unused to a towering figure that could be kind and protective, but with Kaga, it was different. I didn't know how, but it just was.

However, embarrassment quickly consumed me. I'm reminded of how unprofessional this was. I was meant to be a student learning to be a detective. Not a little girl who cried every time she got in her head.

Taking a deep breath, I drew back and Kaga eased his grasp but didn't fully let me go. I looked up at him with an uneasy gaze and there was a look in his eyes that I didn't recognise. It was almost scary. He was the devil Instructor, so who's surprised? But this... This was different. It was the look he had when he pulled Noburu off me and I wanted to run away from it, too ashamed for him to see me act so deplorable.

Inching back further, he seemed to come to his senses and let me go entirely. The cool rush of loneliness almost made me miss it. Almost.

I was about to apologise for how I had been acting when the school bell rang, signally the end of our lunch break.

"Moron, don't just stand there, get moving." Kaga’s expression had turned into a scowl again and he hit the side of my head with the papers I had previously set down. The light hud reminded me of how he hadn't done that since I returned. Had he been holding off until he knew I was completely healed? And he insulted me, something he had also been easing back into. I likeed the push of encouragement and my tears dried quicker than I would have liked. It was so childish to calm down so quickly. Almost like I was having a tantrum and someone just gave me a piece of candy. With the knowledge of that, I blushed and bowed before running out of the office, having dried my face on my sleeve.

#voltage fanfic #voltage games #her love in the force #hlitf ayumu #hlitf goto #hlitf ishigami #hlitf kaga #hlitf soma #hlitf shinonome #hlitf fanfic #hlitf #crime #oc #ooc #mafia #mob #police #detectives

5 notes · View notes

hykwkagas · 4 years ago

Text

Review:

Shinonome Ayumu - Her Love in the Force

MS2 - Falling in love + Epilogue

Ratings-

Plot: 4/5

Romance: 4/5

MC: 5/5

Total: 13/15

I went into his MS2 expecting greater things, which thankfully it did, but his Epilogue was a little underwhelming to be quite honest. It was what I expected of a Shinonome route but it still let me down a little having finished it.

Plot: 4/5

We get a continuation from his MS1, where we delve deeper into the connection Sachi’s husband, Sekizaka, has with the politician who apparently has affairs. The plot for Shinonome’s MS2 gets much darker, with the mistresses said to be involved in a terrorism plot. There are also more things that the MC is involved in, and having Chiba, one of her closest friends be involved with her too was neat. I liked that both Naruko and Chiba were more involved in the things MC does as friends than they were in other routes. The writing doesn’t feel too choppy, minus a few incomplete sentences here and there, having both MC’s and Shinonome’s connections be more expanded upon along with the main plot. For the Epilogue, I did liked how they tied in Sachi’s wedding with Sekizaka, as a form of closure for Shinonome, but I’ll elaborate more on that in the romance section since I have quite a few things to say about that. Continuing off in the MS2, I like the whole involvement of Soma, Goto and particularly Kaga who is Shinonome’s direct supervisor. It wasn’t just a random side support for the MC or to chastise her type of situation, but the fact that it involved the main plot to counter terrorism was well done. I especially liked MC’s interactions with Kaga in Shinonome’s route, though I do think he’s still a meanie wherever route he goes lol.

Romance: 4/5

I think it’s very obvious at the start of his MS2 that Shinonome already caught on to MC’s feelings for him, although liking it to a crush rather than love. He comforts her when his jokes got a little too far, surprised that it was actually far deeper than what he thought it was. I think when MC cried in his arms that day, he probably had the time to self reflect on who MC was to him and if he was going to pursue her as a love interest, though there is a part of me that wants to believe that he had already made that decision from the start, only choosing to go after it abit harder after her show of emotions. Naruko brought up some good points in her lines when she likens a similar relationship to what the MC and Shinonome has to a friendship, and it did felt very friendship like. Shinonome had to come to terms with himself that Sachi, his love, was already a married woman and that MC was also creeping up on him as a potential love interest. Since we’re on the topic of Sachi, I didn’t liked how her after wedding in the epilogue just turned into a cute little tidbit story considering the others epilogues had been spicier. It was also kind of frustrating having to wait on Shinonome saying that he loved MC, and I do get that was the main point driven for the epilogue, but just felt that it could be done better considering his personality. Having read the previews for his sequels, I assume the writers will make Shinonome’s and MC’s romance into this slow burn trope, so I’ve kept that in mind as well when writing this review. There were fortunately many great lines Shinonome had as well in regards to him liking both Sachi and MC differently, which I thought was pretty neat. He likened Sachi not as a married woman he was in love with, but rather a woman he loved that got married in MS1. It was bittersweet for sure. While he appears more smooth in his way of talking about Sachi, and appears more rough towards MC, I do like his approach to MC better as it felt clumsier, something that I think only MC knows about him. Kaga apparently knows this too, however, as he called either Shinonome or the MC a child, over a jealous display when Kaga had called her over.

MC: 5/5

Let me tell you the patience Shinonome’s MC has is amazing. I would probably complained from being his gofer and having to take up his mean jokes, but the power of love trudges on. I gave his MC a full 5 points because she’s very honest with her feelings. It takes guts to admit to a person you love that you know loves someone else, that you loved him and that you also accept that it could be unrequited. While it appears that she does everything Shinonome asks her to without a doubt, the scene with Soma, Kaga and essentially Namba asking her to spy on Shinonome made me like her more. It must be tough to snoop on someone you liked and respected, but she chose to set those feelings aside, albeit momentarily, as she had to do her job as a Public Safety student. She did it in an empathetic way too, which was really nice to see. One of my favourite scenes of her was when she worked with Goto during their undercover, and having been stuck with him after getting caught. It showed how far she got in the Public Safety world that Goto - along with the higher ups instructions - would also bring her along to a real undercover mission and I do think it speaks volumes that it’s a two person mission. Granted, she’s already an officer, but they already knew she wasn’t used to the city work and that she still could do far better from where she was currently at. Her tenacity in both her private and public life is admirable, and she had to be with a love interest like Shinonome. She’s a very cute MC, who I do feel gives off a puppy vibe, and I find myself laughing and crying along with her during scenes. With how complicated Shinonome’s life and personality is, I appreciated her good hearted nature.

#shinonome ayumu #ayumu shinonome #her love in the force #hlitf #hlitf shinonome #voltage inc #love 365 #review

4 notes · View notes

healresolve · 4 years ago

Text

Lana’s portrayal is a synthesis of the traits she is given in both manga adaptations of FE4′s 2nd generation when compared against older translations of Genealogy. I borrow aspects that appeal to me from all three, but I lean heavily towards Genealogy and Fuyuki for inspiration with Oosawa being the one I draw the least from. The most fundamental traits I envision Lana possessing are Compassion and Insecurity.

The first is demonstrated through her insistence on fighting because she feels just as strongly as the more outspoken Larcei, challenging even Seliph on this. She also reaches out to Julia as the new girl in their already established group. A seasoned healer following in her mother’s footsteps for gameplay reasons, Lana has spent a great deal of time in the infirmary ward helping Adean who instilled in her the deep sense of caring for other people. The second, insecurity, I find is woven throughout her narrative and traceable to multiple sources. Adean, her mother, is widely desired by the men of Jugdral for her beauty and Lana inherits very little by way of appearance.

(Spoiler warning for Belhalla here. At this point most people are aware, but I want to tag it out of courtesy to anyone who does not wish to be spoiled for the Jugdral games.)

Another large factor stems from the fact that Lana feels immense guilt that even one of her parents survived when the same cannot be said for most of the other children raised in Tirnanog who lost them when Arvis executed Sigurd and his troops at Belhalla. Growing up Lana always struggled with having to share to her mother while keenly aware how selfish it was to feel that way. These profound self-doubts endow her with sensitivity towards the feelings of others, but also negatively manifests as jealousy in her relationships, most notably dictating how she interacts with Seliph. While it may get the better of her at times, it never stops Lana from considering the feelings of others which sometimes is at the cost of her own.

Resolve

Lana: “Nuns can fight too, you know. I feel just as strongly about this as Larcei does. The imperial troops are becoming crueler with each passing day. It’s dangerous just to be a girl anymore! But I don’t plan to go down without a fight. I have my own means of warfare!”

Seliph: “I’m sorry, Lana. You’re right. This is everyone’s battle. Alright. We should get going. It’s hard to say how this is going to turn out… But let’s give it everything we’ve got!”

Lana: “Sorry if I got a little outta hand, sir.

Lana is introduced as a stark contrast to her childhood friend Larcei. Larcei pulls no punches from the start and Lana comes across as a timid healer by comparison, but their dialogue makes it clear in no uncertain terms that they are both incensed by House Dozel’s mistreatment of the people of Isaach. She goes as far as opposing Seliph who she deeply respects because once he relents she immediately apologizes.

Fuyuki’s Lana does not hesitate to put herself between an attack meant for Julia.

Compassion

While her brother, Lester, and Diarmuid presumably took up riding from Oifey and the twins, Ulster and Larcei, and Seliph trained with Prince Shannan, Lana did not discover her place among them until feeling her heart ache for the first time after seeing them covered in bruises and scrapes from training. She had originally picked up healing as a way of easing the many burdens on her mother’s shoulder, but the most fulfillment in the fact she could treat the wounds of her dear friends in order to protect them in the future.

For the brief period of time where Lana serves as the group’s only healer, she experienced immense stress from feeling that she had become solely responsible for their lives. When Lewyn introduces Julia, Lana happily welcomes the second healer into the fold and goes out of her way to make sure she’s looked after. This was both for Julia’s own sake and that of Seliph, as she wanted to relieve him of having to worry about something else when the weight of the world had already been heavy on his shoulders.

Wit

Lana to Febail: Hah… I know better than that. I saw all those crying children clinging to you when we were leaving the Manster District. You’re like a father to them, you know.

Almost comically emphasized in the Oosawa manga, Lana and Larcei bounce off each other in many scenes with Lana teasing Larcei over subjects ranging from boys to personal blunders. This side of Lana is present in the game where Lana pokes fun at Febail for posturing as a tough guy too.

Lana’s occasional snark should be considered something reserved for people and places she is comfortable enough with the other person that it would not come across as rude.

Insecurity

Low self-esteem plays a large part in Lana’s speech patterns. This trait is present in all three characterizations of her. Sometimes she wallows over her poor self-image and other times it takes on the form of passive-aggressiveness. Should Seliph marry another girl by the end of the game and Lana remain unpaired, she expresses explicit jealousy and perhaps even resentment towards him for it.

Seliph : Lana...I’m sorry.

Lana : ...

Seliph : Lester said you were angry...

Lana : That’s because you...but it’s all right. I’ll just be going back to Jungby. So, farewell, Sir Seliph.

Lana: Seliph, we’ve just a little more go…

Seliph: Yeah. You’ve meant a lot to me out here, Lana. I really mean that.

Lana: Well, I don’t know if I’ve actually done anything… But I’m content just being by your side.

Seliph: Lana, we go pretty far back, don’t we… I remember us always hanging out as kids.

Lana: Uh-huh. I have so many good memories from back then, but I never thought you and I…

Seliph: But I’ve always liked you, Lana…

Seliph: I know… but it’s just hard for me to accept that, Seliph. I feel so awful to Julia…

Due to low self-esteem, Lana has a tendency to adopt blame even when there is no fault of her own. Her insecurities surrounding her mother and her upbringing make her feel unworthy of standing beside Seliph. That uneasiness does not go away if Seliph confesses to her either because she just finds something else to fixate on. In this instance, she worries that Julia may have also developed feelings for Seliph and cannot bring herself to enjoy the moment.

Closing thoughts

Most Jugdral characters have a handful of lines at best to extrapolate from. Outside sources such as Kaga’s dream scenario and the various FE4 mangas make an effort to flesh out the cast, but this results in characterizations that can be conflicting. Fuyuki’s manga presents Lana as a love interest for Seliph and this heavily influences her interactions with him. Oosawa, on the other hand, depicts a budding romance between Lana and Ulster.

I personally feel that Oosawa’s Lana is too immature to be congruent with her in-game counterpart, but I do like how her sense of humor and quiet wit shine that Fuyuki doesn’t manage to capture. Fuyuki’s Lana does, however, expand on the close relationship Lana has with Seliph. Regardless of whether anything comes of it, Lana’s bitterness towards Seliph if he takes another wife seems to imply closeness in some capacity at one point that just may not have developed in the same direction for him. I feel that Fuyuki stays faithful to the more introverted Lana seen in-game and I prefer this approach.

Nonetheless, I believe there’s value in all three existing for analysis’ sake. It enriches a character that would otherwise have even less to work with and I’m grateful for that. I love that Lana’s faults feel very much in-line with her age group. She has a wealth of interesting dynamics to draw from with every single character that was present in Tirnanog before the liberation efforts took off and honestly writing her gives me the excuse to flex how much I love Adean, haha.

#tbt #// long post #// long text #// the lana analysis no one asked for

16 notes · View notes

faraway-wanderer · 4 years ago

Text

QUEER YA READS happy pride month here’s a list of lots of queer YA books!!

- The Henna Wars- Abida Jaigirdar When Nishat comes out to her parents, they say she can be anyone she wants—as long as she isn’t herself. Because Muslim girls aren’t lesbians. Nishat doesn’t want to hide who she is, but she also doesn’t want to lose her relationship with her family. And her life only gets harder once a childhood friend walks back into her life. Flávia is beautiful and charismatic and Nishat falls for her instantly. Amidst sabotage and school stress, their lives get more tangled—but Nishat can’t quite get rid of her crush on Flávia, and realizes there might be more to her than she realized

- Red, White and Royal Blue- Casey Mcquinston First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz is the closest thing to a prince this side of the Atlantic. With his intrepid sister and the Veep’s genius granddaughter, they’re the White House Trio, a beautiful millennial marketing strategy for his mother, President Ellen Claremont. International socialite duties do have downsides—namely, when photos of a confrontation with his longtime nemesis Prince Henry at a royal wedding leak to the tabloids and threaten American/British relations.

- You should see me in a crown- Leah Johnson Liz Lighty has always believed she's too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it's okay -- Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor.But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz's plans come crashing down . . . until she's reminded of her school's scholarship for prom king and queen

- Tell me How you Really Feel- Aminah Mae Safi Sana Khan is a cheerleader and a straight A student. She's the classic (somewhat obnoxious) overachiever determined to win.Rachel Recht is a wannabe director who's obsesssed with movies and ready to make her own masterpiece. As she's casting her senior film project, she knows she's found the perfect lead - Sana.There's only one problem. Rachel hates Sana. Rachel was the first girl Sana ever asked out, but Rachel thought it was a cruel prank and has detested Sana ever since.

- Like a love story- Abdi Nazemian It's 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

- I Wish You All the Best- Mason Deaver At turns heartbreaking and joyous, I Wish You All the Best is both a celebration of life, friendship, and love, and a shining example of hope in the face of adversity.

- The Falling in Love Montage- Ciara Smyth Saoirse doesn’t believe in love at first sight or happy endings. If they were real, her mother would still be able to remember her name and not in a care home with early onset dementia. A condition that Saoirse may one day turn out to have inherited. So she’s not looking for a relationship. She doesn’t see the point in igniting any romantic sparks if she’s bound to burn out. But after a chance encounter at an end-of-term house party, Saoirse is about to break her own rules. For a girl with one blue freckle, an irresistible sense of mischief, and a passion for rom-coms.

- The Fascinators- Andrew Eliopulos Living in a small town where magic is frowned upon, Sam needs his friends James and Delia—and their time together in their school's magic club—to see him through to graduation.But as soon as senior year starts, little cracks in their group begin to show. Sam may or may not be in love with James. Delia is growing more frustrated with their amateur magic club. And James reveals that he got mixed up with some sketchy magickers over the summer, putting a target on all their backs.

- The Dark Tide- Alicia Jaskina The Wicked Deep meets A Curse So Dark and Lonely in this gripping, dark fairy-tale fantasy about two girls who must choose between saving themselves, each other, or their sinking island city

- Summer of Salt – Katrina Leno Georgina Fernweh waits with growing impatience for the tingle of magic in her fingers—magic that has been passed down through every woman in her family. Her twin sister, Mary, already shows an ability to defy gravity. But with their eighteenth birthday looming at the end of this summer, Georgina fears her gift will never come.

- Sawkill Girls- Claire Legrand Marion: the new girl. Awkward and plain, steady and dependable. Weighed down by tragedy and hungry for love she’s sure she’ll never find. Zoey: the pariah. Luckless and lonely, hurting but hiding it. Aching with grief and dreaming of vanished girls. Maybe she’s broken—or maybe everyone else is. Val: the queen bee. Gorgeous and privileged, ruthless and regal. Words like silk and eyes like knives, a heart made of secrets and a mouth full of lies.

- The Priory of the Orange Tree- Samantha Shannon A world divided. A queendom without an heir. An ancient enemy awakens. The House of Berethnet has ruled Inys for a thousand years. Still unwed, Queen Sabran the Ninth must conceive a daughter to protect her realm from destruction – but assassins are getting closer to her door. Ead Duryan is an outsider at court. Though she has risen to the position of lady-in-waiting, she is loyal to a hidden society of mages. Ead keeps a watchful eye on Sabran, secretly protecting her with forbidden magic. Across the dark sea, Tané has trained to be a dragonrider since she was a child, but is forced to make a choice that could see her life unravel.

- I was Born for this- Alice Oseman For Angel Rahimi, life is only about one thing: The Ark – a pop-rock trio of teenage boys who are currently taking the world by storm. Being part of The Ark’s fandom has given her everything – her friendships, her dreams, her place in the world. Jimmy Kaga-Ricci owes everything to The Ark too. He’s their frontman – and playing in a band is all he’s ever dreamed of doing. It’s just a shame that recently everything in his life seems to have turned into a bit of a nightmare.

- Summer Bird Blue Akemi Dawn Bowman- Bowman’s sophomore novel follows Rumi, a young musician plagued with grief and survivor’s guilt after her younger sister is killed in a car crash. Her mother sends her to liver with her aunt in Hawaii, and is also now mourning the loss of the music she would create with her sister and is unable to recapture her passion. As she navigates her loss, and feelings of abandonment from her mother, Rumi is also starting new relationships with neighbors, one a cute, easygoing surfer boy, and the other a irascible 80-year-old crankypants, while also becoming comfortable with her aromantic and asexual feelings.An immersive aromantic, asexual journey through grief and understanding.

- Felix Ever after- Kacen Callender a novel about a transgender teen grappling with identity and self-discovery while falling in love for the first time.

- The Stars and The Blackness Between Them - Junauda Petrus Audre and Mabel, Black girls who find romance just in time for everything to fall even further apart.

- By any means necessary- Candice Montgomery By Any Means Neccesary dives into the intersection of race and sexuality through the lens of its main character, Torrey, a gay Black college student.

- Her Royal Highness -Rachel Hawkins- When Millie Quint discovers her best friend-turned-girlfriend has been kissing someone else, she decides to get as far away from her as possible – by going to boarding school on the opposite side of the globe. The only issue? Millie’s new roomate is the actual princess of Scotland.

- Tash Hearts Tolstoy - Kathryn Omsbee, Natasha Zelenka (Tash), is a serious fangirl of Leo Tolstoy and a rising YouTube star with her webseries Unhappy Families, a modern-day adaptation of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, and Vlog, Tea with Tash. When a famous vlogger gives a shout out to the series, it goes viral. Now she, along with the cast and crew, are finding what it means to be a hit sensation and are managing the adoration, and the trolls, coming their way. Tash, a romantic asexual, has had a long time crush on the hit vlogger star Thom, who, as her online popular grows, so does Thom’s attention. Amidst the fame and romance, Tash is also dealing with her older sister creating distance, her parents announcing a new sibling on the way, college applications, the impending end of the series, and the big “What’s next.”An asexual romantic comedy coming of age.

- Full Disclosure- Camryn Garratt Camryn Garrett’s debut novel follows a Black, HIV-positive teen as she explores her first romantic relationship. There are few books that discuss what it’s like to live with HIV, especially those that are light, relatable, and told through the lens of a young Black girl.

- The Black Flamingo- Dean Atta Atta pens a coming-of-age story about a boy accepting his identity as a mixed-race gay teen, but then finds a place where he belongs as a drag artist named The Black Flamingo.

- Juniper Leaves- Jaz Joyner Kinky-haired Juniper Bray used to believe in magic, until she lost her best friend: her grandmother. Now this 15-year-old shy girl is headed to her father's research trip on a farm hundreds of miles away, with a family she barely knows and the opposite of a best friend, her new arch nemesis, Bree Mckinney. As if she wasn't miserable enough. Little does she know the next few months Juniper will discover magical powers she never knew she had, get a crush on a girl she never knew she'd like and well, quite frankly, save the world.

- Crier’s War - Nina Varela ‘In a world where humans are dominated by superior Automae, one human girl called Ayla takes the role of handmaiden to the Automae Lady Crier in order to help the human rebellion. But to Ayla’s horror, she finds herself falling for Crier.’

- Queen of Coin and Whispers Helen Corcoran -When a teenage queen inherits her uncle’s bankrupt kingdom, she brings with her a new spymaster – a girl who only accepted the role to avenge her murdered father. But faced with enemies at every turn, the two learn to rely on no one but each other . . . though it may bring their downfall.

- Huntress- Malinda Lo – Ill fortune has befallen the land, and two girls have been tasked with the mission of setting things right. As Kaede and Taisin journey to the city of the Fairy Queen, adventure and romance awaits.

- This Song Is (Not) for You - Laura Nowlin- This is not your usual love triangle. Ramona has been in love with her best friend and bandmate Sam for a long time, Sam has also been in love Ramona. When Tom joins the band, he completes them. Now Ramona is starting to have feelings for Tom, and those feelings are reciprocated. Tom is a romantic asexual, whose asexuality is fully explored

- Seven Tears at High Tide- C.B. Lee – After Kevin Luong drops, yup, seven tears into the sea, he ends up rescuing a boy from the waters. It’s love at first sight for Morgan who, unknown to Kevin, is a Selkie.

- Loveless -Alice Oseman- (out on the 9th July!!) Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day.As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia’s ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her ‘teenage dream’ is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her – asexual, aromantic – Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever.

- The Last Beginning- Lauren James- (you probably need to read the next together first which I HIGHLY recommend) Sixteen years ago, after a scandal that rocked the world, teenagers Katherine and Matthew vanished without a trace. Now Clove Sutcliffe is determined to find her long lost relatives.But where do you start looking for a couple who seem to have been reincarnated at every key moment in history? Who were Kate and Matt? Why were they born again and again? And who is the mysterious Ella, who keeps appearing at every turn in Clove's investigation? For Clove, there is a mystery to solve in the past and a love to find in the future, and failure could cost the world everything.

#i think i did a good job at finding alot of diverse ones and with different sexualites etc represented #i haven't read all of these but i've read some!#queer ya masterlist #book blogging #pride reads #queer books #lgbtq boo #lgbtq reads #ya books

28 notes · View notes

lifes-a-simple-plan · 5 years ago

Text

Anyone else remember that one time....

...I wrote an essay about a Japanese drama on Netflix called Switched?

Yeah, me too. In case you don’t, here’s the link to it - if you were curious. Or if you were insane enough to dive into a 20 minute read about a television show wherein I just talk about everything I loved about it. Either way, it’s at your convenience now:

https://lifes-a-simple-plan.tumblr.com/post/177182071148/this-is-gonna-be-one-of-my-longest-posts-ever

Roughly, it has been one year since I first watched the show and I thought it would be fun to revisit my old post and re-watch Switched (yet again; because I genuinely do have a problem)

This time around, I learned how to make a fucking “keep reading” link, so everyone who wants to can pass on by without spraining their scrolling-hand. But for anyone who just feels like they want to spare the time - thank you!

Now that that’s done, I guess I’ll just get started! Last time, I spoke of what I felt the show did right, my favorite moments and quotes, character analysis, shipping, my thoughts on the ending and what I wished had been in the show.

Really, not much has changed about my opinions regarding those subjects. If anything, I feel them stronger. How Kaga is the light in this world, Ayumi is just the most pure bean, Kaga is the only one on earth to deserve true happiness, Umine needs a therapist, Kaga is my One True Love, Koshiro should really express himself better, and did I mention that Kaga is the absolute best?

I do think I’ve discovered some things deeper than I had in the multiple times I’ve watched it in the past year (I’m at 15 now y’all, and it is not looking like I’m going to stop any time soon (I’m literally fucking watching it right now)). So I would like to touch on that.

Things I hadn’t noticed before

Another working title for this section is “things I thought I saw but are definitely canon for me now”

- In the second episode, in the scene where Umine is walking with Koshiro telling him not to talk to other girls and then Ayumi is like, “let’s talk, yo.” This felt like the biggest discovery since ever for me. It dawned on me that it is the first time Koshiro and Ayumi, in Umine’s body, are facing each other - KNOWING the entirety of the situation. This is the first time he has to conceal his true feelings from her. When I watch it now, I get a little glimpse (or think I see a glimpse) of the moment Koshiro shoves it all away. His expression turns completely blank and he just starts playing her right then and there. She has priorities, and therefore didn’t even look at him, but he shut it down at that moment I believe.

- Koshiro didn’t take Umine very seriously until their walk in the blue lights. I think he didn’t want to think of her as a real threat, or as someone who was in as much pain as she was. But when she openly admitted to wanting to commit suicide is when he started thinking of her in a new light. He started asking questions. He started to see her as a real person who needed help. I really love that she was finally able to open up to someone. This scene also gave us an idea about who Umine is as a person, when no one is teasing her, when she doesn’t have to worry about her mom, or think about her dad. I said it last time, that this was probably the best day of her life, and I feel like it’s the first time in a LONG time that she could let go of her worries. That’s the part of her that reached out to the good parts of the other characters and earned their ability to forgive her.

- When we get to the scene in episode 3 where Kaga is overheard confessing his feelings about ‘Umine’ to Maria and Ritsu, I think Kaga fully realizes that his classmates were all dicks. And I think we see here within that realization that Kaga might’ve been a dick too. Not as much as the rest of the guys, who are all making the actual jokes about Umine and the idea that she could be liked by someone like Kaga. But most definitely in the way where he just goes along with the jokes. Accomplices are still guilty, after all. I feel like this might have been his flaw. A good friend of mine and I had a wonderful conversation not long after I posted my first review. It was about how she wished we could have found something wrong with Kaga so that he might actually seem human, and not like the perfect Godsend he really is. Well, with a year passing of considering this convo, I feel like this is it. The thing that makes him human. We know without a shadow of a doubt that Kaga stands up for the people he cares about - seeing as he does it for Ayumi right there in the scene I’m talking about. But I think before he was directly involved with the person being teased, he laughed with the rest of them no matter what the situation was rather than stand up for them. This really is just a guess from me, but it feels like canon simply because of the hesitation before he tells the class how cute ‘Umine’ is now. Almost like the look on his face was saying, “This was me at one time.” I hate to think it, but it feels right to me.

- Ukon and Amagase scenes were utterly of no importance. They literally get less and less significant every time I watch this damn show. Like, I understand that they are there for informative reasons, but if Kaga had been just a little bit better with the Google search he did early in episode 3, he could’ve found that research paper Koshiro was annotating in his room in the dead of night. And that could have been his source of information about how body switching happens, and how Ayumi can never go back to her body. Ukon could still have had her name on the paper, and been part of the show that way. Really, her scenes just took up time that could’ve been saved for MORE KAGA. If only Ukon and Amagase had been more like their characters in the manga. I know that that would have significantly altered the drama aspect of the show, but it would have been better than what we got.

- I think Koshiro wanted to get punched by Kaga. Just a little bit. He felt he deserved it. And in my opinion, he definitely deserved it.

- Ayumi was never going to meet Kaga’s feelings halfway. Had things gone differently that day (ie. meeting Kaga instead of Koshiro), she might have started dating him. But it would have been because she didn’t want Kaga - her biggest supporter - to be sad or disappointed. SHE. REALLY. COULD. HAVE. LOVED. HIM. but she never gave herself the opportunity. Kaga was going to fall more completely for her, but she would’ve only broken his heart later because she doesn’t really love him. (*Edit: this was made right after a food binge in that halfway-sleepy/full mood and the weight of this truth was overwhelming at the time).

- Umine’s mom definitely blames herself for the dad leaving. Maybe that’s obvious to some people, but it took me a few times to really get that feeling from her. I believe that she believes he would have stayed if she’d been more beautiful. Which, honey, it’s really not your fault. He left for reasons that were unexplained (but I am making a fanfiction that will cover that more, if anyone’s interested in that). I just wish that she didn’t have to take out her insecurities on Umine.

- Koshiro’s kind of a dumbass for telling Umine he never actually loved her on the roof. ALL SHOW LONG she’s been telling you she’s suicidal. She jumped once, she’ll do it again. Really just a huge lack of foresight there.

- In Kaga’s memory montage, he is most definitely feeling the pain of having to give up Ayumi. Those were probably the best times of his relationship with her. Not having to share her with anyone, not having the attention he was getting diverted by her feelings for Koshiro. I know Koshiro was being an ass when he said that the switch benefited Kaga the most, but he was right about it. And, OW, my heart.

Feelings towards the characters - one year later

Koshiro:

Koshiro, Koshiro, Koshiro...How do I feel about him? Even though I KNOW he’s good, I can’t freaking help but hate him for most of the show. It’s as intended by the creators of this magnificent piece of art, but I just can’t really stand the guy sometimes. This man is practiced at lies. I’m going to pretend that he’s in drama classes, on top of everything else he does. Koshiro is already good at every damn thing he does (much like Tomohiro Kamiyama - fucking ridiculous how talented he is). Truly, I don’t hate him. I just can’t help but think that his “ends justify the means” personality is wrong on so many levels. And I feel like his actions shouldn’t have earned him Ayumi’s love more than Kaga’s should have.The more I watch it, the more I think that he really didn’t deserve Ayumi in the end. And while I KNOW she already loved Koshiro, I’M. STILL. NOT. OVER. IT. Clearly I still have some feelings about this. Maybe I’ll add in a paragraph specifically about this.

Umine:

I kinda like her more than I did a year ago. And, honestly, I liked her a lot back then. I’m not denying that she made a whole hell of a lot of mistakes. Switching bodies and threatening people is not how one usually makes friends. But it was interpreted as a cry for help that went on to entirely change her life for the better. I’m just so happy that her actions led her to Ayumi, Koshiro and Kaga. Because literally anyone else would have been too pissed to reconcile once everything was said and done. I’ve had this idea in my head that maybe she was jealous of Ayumi for more than her looks, or her boyfriend. I think the biggest underlying reason that Umine chose Ayumi was her ability to be open to people. Making friends is really hard for her, and they just seem to flock to Ayumi without her even trying. I can truly understand why she dislikes Ayumi, even if I can’t agree with it.

Ayumi:

I really adore her character so so so freaking much. I know I talk a lot about how she didn’t make choices that I would make *cough cough KAGA* but I can’t fault her for making them either. She just always chooses kindness. She always chooses compassion for others. This girl is like, 16, I don’t know how she can be so forgiving. I genuinely admire that in her. I am far too petty, so I really think she is a hero in her own right.

Kaga:

I. cannot. stress. enough. how. much. i. love. this. character. Kaga is the kind of man other men should watch to figure out how they should act. I swear to god. I love him more than I did a year ago. AND I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. His chivalry, his ability to put others before himself, his never ending optimism, how he can see what people need, how he acts on his emotions, HIS FUCKING SMILE. He is altogether otherworldly. Kaga is the sun, and we’re all just the planets revolving around him (I have dibs on Mercury; y’all can get in line). I wouldn’t change a damn thing about him. He is so so so valued and appreciated. My god.

While I still have you (if I still have you), I’m just gonna circle back to that bit about Koshiro not really deserving Ayumi in the end. I got all kinds of worked up earlier (as per usual), so I think it should be addressed. So why? Why do I feel like this? A year ago, I was perfectly satisfied with the ending. But now I’m just not so sure. Koshiro lied. A lot. And I know WHY he did it. And I know that he apologized. And I know that he didn’t WANT to do it. But he did. And while he expressed genuine guilt, I can’t help but be uneasy. I think it’s because of Ayumi. Not once did she have a face-to-face conversation with him about how messed up he was acting. Not just as his girlfriend, but as his friend. They were CHILDHOOD FRIENDS and she just sort of....let him treat her like that. I also understand that Ayumi had a whole bunch of stuff going on in her life. Switching bodies could not have been low on her list of priorities. But I really just need to see a time when she looks him dead in the face and asks him why. Why he said he only cared about her face. How he could stand there next to someone who ripped the two of them apart. How he could care less about the way she was feeling. Even if he only lied again, I wanted her to stand up for herself. Just a little bit. I can think of several occasions where she had the opportunity. And maybe she just didn’t want to hear the answer, or really believed in him because she knew him that well. I don’t know. I’m just upset that she didn’t blow up on him a little bit (also, just imagine that Kamichan has to be stoic and passionate in that scene and you’ll wish you could watch it too). Honestly, I still would have gone after him even learning the truth behind his actions. He hurt her feelings, and he should be told that (I know he knows that already, I’m just saying that more words could have been said). So, the point: The ending. I think Koshiro could earn her (in my eyes) if we saw something more than a montage of Koshiro-behind-the-scenes that expressed his guilt.

And truthfully, I am still ok with the fact that Ayumi didn’t choose Kaga. She really just wasn’t in love with him. She loved him. But platonic love does not a relationship make. I desperately wish that Ayumi’s heart could have changed, but it was enough for me that she was willing to give up on Koshiro just to spare Kaga’s feelings. I’ll keep telling myself that until someone loves him back.

Changes this show has made in my life

That sounds really fucking corny, but I’m not kidding you when I say that after watching this show my life was altered. It was the very first Asian drama I watched, and honestly it was a very good thing that I waited until I was older to start on this journey. My personality is kind of obsessive when it comes to bands or television shows, and I was WORSE in my teenage years. I’ll just keep reiterating that hey, at least it’s not drugs. Since my first dive into Switched, I have:

- Started painting again. I used to love art and making drawings. I don’t really remember why or when I stopped doing it, but it was almost a constant. Art supplies for birthdays and Christmas presents, my room covered with all of my artwork, handmade birthdays cards given out to EVERYONE. I knew I was never very good, but I loved doing it. And Switched gave that back to me.

- Started learning Japanese. You see guys, you give me an Asian show and I just drop everything to learn a new language. Why am I like this? Oh right, I’m obsessive and need to better understand things that I love so that I can love it harder. Ugh. I hate how much effort I put into things. But really, I can’t help but put in the effort. I bought books and practice daily. I write diary entries in Japanese in a notebook. I highlight. I have apps that I use on the go. During lulls at work, I practice writing the hiragana. I repeat phrases in my head ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY. because they get stuck in my brain like a loop. I make my friends make quizzes for me. i pester the internet people with questions about certain words. I have a problem. But I do it because one day I could watch the show without subtitles. Or hear a Johnny’s West song and know what it’s about without asking for a translation.

- Made an internet friend! I was always taught that the internet is a really scary place where no one should be trusted. And I still feel that way. NEVER GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET (had to get my PSA out of the way). But my experience with my internet friend has been so so different from many other experiences. She first reached out to me after she read my review about Switched a year ago. Her sister had found it and told her about it. When she read it, she told me that it was nice to find someone who loved the show with the amount of passion I expressed. She also offered me a genuine gift: Johnny’s West. It was maybe a couple days after I had posted the review when she reached out, and at that point I had given up on the band. I wanted to know them, because Shige and Kamichan were my babies from Switched, and I’d seen all seven of them in Blazing Transfer Students (sidenote: if you want to laugh until you cry or pee yourself, watch that show- it’s a hot mess of hilarity). But it is damn near impossible to find their music anywhere. That makes sense, because it’s America, and they don’t have the access to Japanese music the way that Japan does. But I couldn’t find music videos, or songs ANYWHERE. Youtube has some clips of live performances, but live performances are not for Abby’s unless the music has already been listened to. I had been doing the deep internet searches for a little over a week and come up empty-handed. And I wasn’t about to drop over $50 to ship an album from Japan to me without having heard them first to know if I actually liked their music. So my internet friend sent me the entire discography. My mind was blown. Music is no joke to me - it is and always has been the source of my happiness. To just share it like that for nothing in return was a fantastic gift. And she didn’t just stop there. I wanted more (to fuel my obsession, of course), and she delivered. Music videos, behind the scenes of music videos, television shows they’ve appeared in, concert dvds, interviews, skits, radio shows, news, pictures, blog entries, EVERYTHING. She was like an angel from above. But beyond what she’s given me in Johnny’s West, she’s just an amazing person. She is kind and generous, and funny. We can talk about anything from work to periods to bands to religion. I really never thought someone from the internet could be such an important person in my life, but I love her as much as any of my friends that live close to me. If you read this, let me tell you how much I love you for the millionth time!

- Started listening to Johnny’s West. Maybe that doesn’t seem like such a big deal. People find bands from TV shows all the time. But I always HATED music that was in other languages. In my head, if I couldn’t understand what they were saying and tried to sing along I might say something offensive or vulgar without knowing it. And even though I sing that kind of stuff in English, doing it in a language where you don’t know you’re doing it feels wrong to me. I still feel that way a little bit, but it helps that I’m learning Japanese. Johnny’s West also makes all the difference though. My love for these 7 boys is unreal. Akin to how I feel about Kaga, and if you’ve come down to this part of the post or have read my other review, you KNOW how I feel about Kaga. They make me feel so good about myself. I don’t even know how they do it. They say or do things that fill me up with such a warmth - it makes me feel like I can accomplish things, because I have their strength with me. I go without listening to them for a time, and my body just kind of aches to have them back. I had a similar feeling with One Direction back in my teens, but the extent is VASTLY different. In this past year, I’ve probably gone only a handful of days without listening to them. For me to choose one band, every day, for an entire year is very very very not like me. I have more than 200 CD’s that I consider my children; that I protect more sacredly than anything else I own. But now I only choose any of those other bands when I’m on a road trip, or feeling a random day where I need them. I can’t seem to burn out on Johnny’s West, but all of my friends who ride with me are. I don’t even have a favorite member. Each and every one of these 7 men are so worthy of being a favorite that I have to love them all equally. Which should say something to you, because Shige played KAGA - one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist! If he isn’t my favorite, that should tell you how wonderful the others are. I just can’t really fathom my life without them now. I hope and wish for all great things for them for the rest of their lives. Putting that into the internet will make it come true, won’t it?

That’s really all I have to say. Wow, it was shorter than last time, but it took so much longer to write. This show has made an impact on me that changed a lot about how I view the world. I just really really loved it. With my whole being, I adored it. Thank you to anyone who decided to read this much for something that really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things. I wrote it for me, but I appreciate anyone who enjoyed my words enough to waste their time on them. I hope you all have wonderful days!

ありがとうございます !!!!!!!

24 notes · View notes