#juxtaposed to how much they don't get along in any other way

[worldsokayestmagicalgirl]

My monk got to bridal carry the ranger last session so we could make a 50 foot jump over the rooftops of a town square.

Neri got us 30 ft across & he teleported us the other 20 ft 🤣 I know the DM said bridal carry but for the sake of my sanity I tweaked it bit because anatomy is scary enough without accounting for the archery.

[halalchampagnesocialist]

How to spot Liberal Zionist Propaganda 101

This post is by no means exhaustive at all. There are many Liberal Zionist talking points but these are just some of the most common ones. While on the surface they seem a little naive and hopeful at best, they are very much harmful. If you claim to be an ally to Palestinians, this post is primarily for you!

For starters, liberal Zionists will often try to both-sides the issue of Palestine, talk about how it's complicated, they'll claim that the conflict hurts both Israelis and Palestinians, how the only way forward is one where Jews and Arabs "just need to get along," amongst other things. They also often like to centre themselves, even when acknowledging Palestinians as the victims of Israel or this "conflict." From time to time, they also like to engage in tokenising certain Palestinians whose views tend to more or less align with theirs. Here are some common arguments you may hear from them:

1. Any form of justifying Israel's existence or claiming that the only solution is two states

It does not really need to be said why justifying Israel's existence is harmful but justifying its continued existence also means legitimising Israel's land theft, its expulsions of Palestinians, and its ongoing harm to Palestinians and other populations. Reducing any sorts of “solutions” into a binary is unhelpful. Needless to say, a 2ss would not even address any legitimate concerns Palestinian have, such as the right of return, and would only legitimise Israel’s colonialism. Talking about a two-state solution also implies that the root of the conflict lies in Palestinians not having their own state rather than being an occupied people. It is very much also possible to construct a paradigm where Jews and Palestinians both live together on the same land as equal citizens that doesn't involve two separate states, much less an ethnostate.

2. Security for Israel could only come through peace

This is a similar talking point to the one above. Not only does it centre Israeli safety and security above Palestinian liberation but it mistakenly assumes that once Israel makes peace with Palestinians, it'll achieve security. The reality, however, is that Israel's imagined security has quite often come at the expense of peace. In fact, "peace" has just acted as nothing more than a smoke-screen for Israel to carry out its expansionist policies, particularly in the West Bank. When liberal Zionists talk about peace juxtaposed with Israeli security, they're talking about attaining a negative peace rather than a positive one.

3. Israelis are not their government.

This point does nothing to actually help Palestinians. It is also an incredibly tone-deaf thing to say when Israel has targeted many Palestinian civilians by having alleged proximity to Hamas, such as being family members of militants or leaders (inc. children!), civil servants in a Hamas-led government, or even any male above the age of 15 they consider to be a potential combatant! It also deliberately erases Israeli civilians' support of and culpability in Israel's actions towards Palestinians.

4. Netanyahu and/or the Israeli right are the source of conflict.

While it is true that things have gotten inadvertently worse under Israel's various right-wing governments, they are not the source of conflict, but rather a product of extremist nationalism and Jewish supremacy perpetuated by the system. Both the 1967 occupations and settlements were undertaken under centre-left governments in Israel, and Israeli policy under non-right wing governments has been just as harmful towards Palestinians and has paved the way for where we are today. Blaming Netanyahu just also obscures the violent nature of Israel's military occupation over Palestinians which long precede him coming into power.

5. Netanyahu and Hamas are two sides of the same coin

I don't think I've seen any allies give validity to this claim but it's an extremely reductionist claim and is sort of similar to the one above. Groups like Hamas are merely a response to the Israeli occupation while Netanyahu is a byproduct of it. While some Israelis may see Hamas or their actions as an "obstacle to peace," Israel's actions and policies long pre-date Hamas and how Israel is currently responding to Hamas is no different to how Israel has engaged with Palestinian militant groups in the past, regardless of political affiliations or political goals. It is also important to note that Hamas has agreed to the establishment of a state along 1967 borders while Netanyahu aims to prolong the occupation and empower the settler movement (some of whom are part of his coalition government) as much as possible.

6. Israel is not a settler-colonial state.

While it is indisputable that Jews have historical connections to Palestine, that doesn’t automatically make you Indigenous or negate Israeli settler-colonialism. Colonialism in particular describes a relationship of exploitation. There are many cases of this, but we most clearly see this in the West Bank where Israel exploits natural resources on occupied Palestinian territory for its own political and economic gains. In terms of settler-colonialism, it is widely known that Israel expelled hundreds of thousands of Palestinians to make way for Jewish refugees and migrants to the new state of Israel, and is still actively facilitating Jewish migration to Israel today while denying Palestinians their right of return.

7. (X) doesn't help Palestinians.

It is not up to anyone to determine whether certain tactics or strategies are helpful or not. This point only seeks to discredit pro-Palestine organising. Only Palestinians get to decide what is actually helpful for the cause or not.

8. Any sort of Hamas-blaming.

On the surface it may seem like there’s nothing wrong with this, but this point is often harmful and usually lends itself to right-wing talking points because its objective is to deflect blame away from Israel. Certain arguments blaming Hamas also aim to minimise Palestinian suffering perpetuated by Israel. It also paints Israeli violence as retaliatory to Palestinian violence which only obfuscates Israel’s (and by extension, the US’) role in its state military apparatus and the differing power dynamics between Israelis and Palestinians. In other contexts, this point seeks to also legitimise certain opposition, such as the Palestinian Authority. Hamas-blaming also tends to sometimes lead to racist diatribes about Palestinians and their culture.

9. Al-Jazeera is not a credible news source.

Al Jazeera is a news source like any other. It has varying editorial policies and therefore will have equally good reporting on certain issues while having terrible reporting on others. The difference is that Al-Jazeera's news on Palestine is credible because it comes directly from their Palestinian reporters on the ground and first-hand eyewitness accounts. Western news sources are no more or less credible than al-Jazeera. Compare this to CNN, NYT, and any other Western news sources where Palestinian voices are often entirely missing from the narrative.

10. Overemphasis of antisemitism on the left

Antisemitism is a real issue and has the potential to fester in left circles if not directly addressed head on. Combatting antisemitism is extremely important, however, it is not an issue exclusive to the left. There is also a double standard in that no one expects Zionists to call out Islamophobia and anti-Palestinian racism. Certain accusations of "antisemitism" also seek to distract from what's going on in Palestine by making it about Jewish comfort and feelings. Combatting antisemitism, Islamophobia, anti-Arab racism etc is always important as the basis of good politics.

Last but not least, be wary of native collaborators or any sort of normalisers! They are Palestinians or Arabs who try very hard to appeal to Western liberal consensus and can end up perpetuating a lot of harm to the cause and/or other activists. You will know them when you see them.

[dbnightingale24]

My Little Decoy

A StevexReaderxBucky Messy Triangle

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Another story for Patreon! So, for this one, I'm a bit anxious (when am I not?), because this definitely took off in the complete opposite direction of what I initially planned. That being said, I hope you all enjoy it!

Thank you as always to @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard, I love you to bits for literally everything you do! I was in the middle of updating three other stories when this idea came to me, so please just work with me! (I'm so sorry I'm like this.)

Anywho, here we go!

Word Count: 34,776 (I'm not even gonna apologize anymore)

Warnings: Honestly, this entire fucking story. SMUT (MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY), Threesome, Lying, Infidelity, Emotional Cheating, Swearing, Drinking, Infertility, Family Drama, Angst, Lusting, Daddy Kink, Running Away, Tie Play, Cuff Play, Crying, Fluff, Best friends to lovers...that's all I can think of? They're honestly so many.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Don't Look So Blue, You Should've Seen Right Thru, I'm Using You, My Little Decoy

Summary: You truly do have the best intentions when you try to move on and suppress your feelings for your best friend Steve, and try to move on with Bucky. Unfortunately, life doesn't give a damn about intentions. Neither does love.

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I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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You wonder how the hell it got to this point in the first place as you lay in Steve’s soft bed sheets. What feels like it should be a quiet moment of peace is juxtaposed with your current reality; Bucky pounding on the front door and you and Steve conspiring to think of some kind- any kind- of excuse.

You truly don’t understand how it got to this. 

It all feels like it started so long ago. You didn’t even know 6 years could feel so fast, much less pass so quickly. You look around at where you are now, at Steve, as you listen to the shaking of the front door against Bucky’s fist as he continues thumping away. Fuck. What if memories lie? Maybe it is that long ago.

~~

6 Years Earlier...

“Babe, you ever had a night out in the city?” Bucky asked as you took off your gear.

Training was brutal and everyone was looking for a way to relieve stress. You knew The Avengers were all planning to meet up at some club downtown, but you had other plans. 

“I have, and as much fun as it can be, I have other plans,” you laugh as you take your hair out of the tightest ponytail you’d ever had it in. 

“Oh? What are you getting into?” Natasha laughs, making her way over with Bruce holding onto her as if he’d lose her.

“My friend’s band is playing tonight. I promised her I’d go if we finished up early enough.”

“Oh, this I gotta see!” Bruce chimes in as you laugh and shake your head. “You never let us have a peak into your personal life!”

“God, I haven’t been to a show in forever,” Natasha chimes in with raised eyebrows.

He wasn’t wrong. You played everything so close to the chest; wanting to keep those you love and care for the most safe...wanting to keep yourself safe. Since none of them were relenting (not to mention they’re the damn Avengers), you finally agreed and told them to meet you outside of your room at the compound in about two hours.

“Is it too late for me to get in on this?” Steve asks just as the group was about to disperse.

“There you are!” Bucky interjects before anyone has a chance to say anything. “Y/N is giving us a peak into her personal life! We’re all meeting at her place in two hours and going from there,” he laughs patting his best friend on the back. 

Steve looked at you with a cocked eyebrow and you just laugh and nod, giving him the ‘OK’ to tag along. Unbeknownst to the others, you and Steve hung out the most. No, he’d never been privy to your personal life, but you two spent a lot of time watching movies and listening to music together on the weekends. Occasionally, Bucky would get in on the action, but it was mainly you and Steve. You and Steve had a certain level of comfort that you didn’t have with the rest of them. It was more of an unspoken, private thing and that’s how the both of you preferred it. You both understood each other, and neither of you ever made the other feel sad or out of place for things that had gone wrong in each other’s past. You both had wounds you were still healing from, and you gave each other the space needed for that to happen. 

You’d always had a thing for Steve. He kept himself at a distance, so it was difficult for you to tell if he ever felt the same. After a while, you’d stopped trying and just accepted him as a friend. He told you that he’d wanted to go back and stay with Peggy, but he was too afraid to leave Bucky on his own again, so he’d come back instead. He wasn’t even sure if Bucky would ever be okay with being alone; Steve just stayed without asking him. It seemed like the right thing to do, and he didn’t hate the current timeline too much.

Soon enough, everyone is in your small little complex, drinking and laughing as you put together the last bit of your outfit. The thought of Steve joining all of you had you more anxious than you cared to admit, so you chalked it up to the normal anxiety of inviting your work colleagues into your personal life.

Which was more than fair.

“I’m sure you look amazing, lets go! I’m too excited for this!” Natasha hollers as she makes her way into your bedroom.

“Nat!”

“Oh, they’re all in there drinking away! You’re fine,” she laughs, closing the door behind her. “Well shit!”

“I swear to God, I’ll change right now!”

“No! You look amazing!” she promised as her hands covered her mouth. “None of us have ever seen you out of work clothes, and babe...you look amazing,” she laughs in shock. 

“Should I change? I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea-”

“If you’re comfortable, who cares. No one wants to interfere with your personal life. I think we’re all more afraid of pushing you away,” she laughs.

“You really think it’s okay?”

“I mean, I think you’re hot as fuck,” she laughed as you rolled your eyes, “but I think you look amazing.”

“You sure?”

“Get enough alcohol in them , they won’t even notice when you leave for the bathroom,” she laughed.

Even though you laughed along with her, you knew better. James Buchanan Barnes kept his attention on you almost as well as Steve, but you never thought anything of it. It always had a more platonic feeling than with Steve, almost more familial.   

When you came out, Steve was the first to look at you. His mouth slightly agape was enough to make you wanna go back, but Bucky was quick to chime in-

“Someone is ready for a night out,” he laughed.

That’s all it took. 

Soon enough, you were taking shots and laughing with everyone else. Even Pepper and Tony were excited and joined you all. Your life was something so foreign to them, and you could tell that they all felt extremely excited that you trusted them enough. 

In all honesty, you felt more comfortable because Steve was there. You knew he’d never let anything happen to you, and you’d never let anything happen to him. If you were being completely honest, you’d only wanted to invite him out. How it spiraled, you’re still not sure but it did. It The only thing that felt off was letting him see you dressed as you were. It was weird for all of them to see you dressed as you were, but Steve couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You were in red plaid crop top, with tight fighting black jeans that hugged your hips in just the right way, and black low top heels. You put your hair in loose curls, and finished it off with eyeliner and mascara. After a brutal day of training, you really didn’t wanna spend forever doing your makeup, because you knew you’d wanna come home after everything was over and go right back to sleep. Yeah, everything was hugging your body in just the right way, but you weren’t about to change. 

You were introducing them to your life.

Before you all left, Thor filled three flasks with his mead from Asgard for himself, Steve, and Bucky and you laughed pretty damn hard.

“We wanna enjoy this night too,” he winked at you as you rolled your eyes. 

The walk was easy enough, but it felt like it took forever. People kept asking for pictures with the OG Avengers, they had a million questions, and of course they were all happy to be as kind as possible. It’s not that you minded all that much, but you really missed your best friend. Work had been kicking your ass, she had been extremely busy, and was in the middle of planning her wedding. Nights off were extremely rare, but actually getting to see her and her friends perform? It had been forever.

“You made it!” she squealed once you were finally inside the club with everyone, almost knocking you over with how hard she hugged you.

“I told you I’d show! Even if I would’ve only caught the last song,” you laughed as you hugged her back just as tight. “We still on for drinks after?”

“Fuck yes! Your tits look amazing in this top, we’re definitely getting free drinks out of it,” she beamed with a wink and you burst out laughing. “Okay, I’ve seen all of you on TV, but I still wanna officially meet everyone,” she smiled at everyone. “I’m Meg.”

As everyone went around introduced themselves, you made your way to the bar, to grab your signature Jack and Coke.

“Hell yes! You made it!” Meg’s finance, Paul, beamed as he made your drink.

“Why is everyone so shocked that I’m here?!”

“You haven’t been to a show in years!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” you muttered as you reached behind the bar and grabbed his pack of cigarettes.

“You bring the Avengers with you and you dare to steal from me?” he sneered sarcastically as he handed you your drink.

You laughed as you reached across the bar and kissed his cheek, “I’m sure our friendship will survive it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Dude, I had no idea the place would be so packed tonight.”

“I have a feeling everyone here had a long ass Friday.” “Yeah, well they better treat my baby right.” “You two!”

He rolled his eyes as he flipped you off, “enjoy the show!”

“Thank you, Paaauuullll,” you sang out as everyone joined you.

You looked up to see Steve staring at you intently, and he quickly turned towards the stage when he realized he was caught. Before you could allow yourself to think on it or feel flattered, you heard your best friend yell from the stage as she started to make her guitar scream.

“We’re ‘Flowers of Cinnamon’, and thanks for spending your Friday night with us!”

From that moment on, you were barely paying attention to your surroundings. With the exception of your drink, you didn’t focus on anything other than your best friend rocking the fuck out. It had always just been a hobby for her, but she had always been so damn good at it. You envied how effortlessly performing came to her. The band was a cross between Paramore, The Bangles, and All Time Low, and they were just as amazing as you remembered. You wouldn’t have been able to stay still even if you’d wanted to. You sang and danced along to every song, bouncing around, and screaming your head off. You had no clue that Steve had been watching you with the biggest grin on his face, Bucky had been watching your chest bounce up and down, or that Tony had been recording your reaction to your best friend’s music, smiling so hard at your happiness.

Every other song, your best friend made eye contact with you and laughed, and nothing else seemed to matter. Thinking back on it, you wished it had, because maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so fucked up, but you were just so damn happy. The more drinks got, the more you danced and sang around, finally feeling comfortable and happy, even with your new set of friends watching you.

“Okay, this is gonna be our last song for the night,” Meg smiled into the microphone and she laughed at amount of “boos” they received. “Listen, I wanna get fucked up too!” she joked, gaining laughs from the crowd. “Okay, so tonight is extremely special because my best friend on the entire planet is here and brought her friends with her! Thanks babe! So, our last song is gonna be a cover of one of her favorite songs ever,” she winked at you as you cocked an eyebrow.

As soon as you heard the first cord of ‘Decoy’ by Paramore hum out of the speakers, you screamed so loud that everyone in your group (and Paul) started laughing. 

‘Close your eyes and make believe that this is where you wanna be

Forgetting all the memories, try to forget love cause love’s forgotten me

Well hey, hey baby, it’s never too late

Pretty soon you won’t remember a thing

All I’ll be distant, the stars reminiscing

Your heart’s been wasted on me’

You sang along so effortlessly as you started to jump up and down.

‘You’ve never been so used as I’m using you, abusing you

My little decoy

Don’t look so blue, you should’ve seen right through

I’m using you, my little decoy

My little decoy’

You linked arms with Nat, who clearly didn’t know the song, but was more than happy to sing and dance along with you. You glanced around and it made you so happy to see everyone else happy and having a good time. It’s not like you were a stick in the mud at work but, you never let loose. Even when it came to holiday and birthday parties, you were pretty damn reserved. The only person who can claim that they’ve seen you fucked up is Steve, and even then it was just you being wine drunk on the sofa while you two listened to albums and discussed work.

No, this was you letting lose and everyone accepting it. Accepting you. You looked over at Steve and he a look of pure love and adoration in his eyes, and it made your heart swell. 

God, you wished you would’ve paid more attention to the way both he and Bucky looked at you that night, but you were just so damn happy and having so much fun.

If you could turn back time...

“Am I still okay at singing?” Meg asked once she finally made her way over to all of you.

“Dude, you’re still fucking amazing!” you beamed as you wrapped her in a tight hug and she laughed. “That was so good! Thank you for playing ‘Decoy’, almost making me cry!”

“Aha!” she teased before she looked at everyone else. “What about Earth’s mightiest heroes? Were you all able to tolerate it?”

“That was amazing,” Tony laughed, Pepper nodding in agreement.

“Why don’t you do this full time?” Nat asked as you waived Paul down and got another drink for both you and Meg.

“If I did this full time, I’d be so stressed all the damn time,” Meg laughed, “I’m much happier painting.”

“What do you paint? Do you have a studio?” Clint inquired and a smile came to your face.

Things were going better than you could have ever imagined. 

As everyone got acquainted, you snuck to have a smoke. A few moments later, a smile came to your face when you saw Steve come out after you.

“You said you’re quitting those,” he nodded towards the cigarette in your hand. 

“I stole Paul’s,” you laughed, standing a little further from him so as to not get the smoke in his face. 

“I can handle it,” he laughed as he placed his black leather jacket on you. “You’re pretty...exposed and I don’t want you getting cold.”

“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest man?” you teased before you inhaled your cancer stick. “Who else knows about this? I’ll call the ‘New York Times’” He snickered as he shook his head, “quiet you.”

“Are you having fun tonight?”

“I am, I like you seeing like this.”

You scoffed, “crazy?” “Happy...content. Secure.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words, and the look he gave you along with it, had butterflies appearing in your stomach.

“We should get back inside,” you smiled at up at him as you ashed the last of your cigarette and threw it in the nearby trash bin. 

And maybe that’s when it started.

You just missed all the signs that night, because you were convinced Steve didn’t want you.

He convinced you he didn’t want you. 

When the two of you got back inside, Paul had just finished up his shift and the guys had finished helping Meg back up her equipment which she had decided to lock up in the manager’s office for the night. 

“Dancing! We need dancing!” she whined once her eyes landed on you.

“Hell yeah we do,” you laughed as you linked arms with both her and Nat.

Once again, you didn’t notice the way Bucky ogled you or the way Steve kept a close eye on you. When you all reached the next bar, you instantly ordered more drinks and pulled Nat and Meg onto the dance floor with you, still wearing Steve’s coat. He leaned against the bar, talking with Tony and Pepper, but still kept an eye on you. As Janet Jackson’s voiced filled the giant building, you danced around with the biggest smile on your face (at some point Meg had put her sunglasses on your face), smiling and waiving at Bucky when you saw his eyes glued to you.

Well, glues to your ass.

By the time everyone was ready to call it a night, you were drunk as shit.

“You’re not coming back to the compound?” Nat asked as she stumbled out after you.

“Nah, I wanna sleep in my own space tonight. It’s closer,” you giggled as you started giving out hugs.

“I can take you,” Bucky offered with a slick grin.

“I can take her, she’s on the way to my house,” Steve countered, and Meg cocked an eyebrow at you.

You just started dancing and walking. 

“Goodnight everyone! Get home safe! I love you all!”

You were drunk, tired, and in no mood to figure out whatever that was about. You just wanted to go home and get in your bed. You honestly don’t know why you didn’t go back to the compound that night, but it just felt right to go to your own home. You already spent so little time there to begin with. A few moments later, you heard the hurried footsteps of someone behind you, but you kept looking ahead.

“You’re impatient when you’re drunk,” Steve laughed as he came up beside you.

A small smile came to your face at the fact that Steve was the one to walk you home.

You giggled as you leaned into him, “my feet hurt.”

No sooner than you said it, he scooped you up.

“Steve!”

“You weigh nothing, don’t worry about it, darlin.” “It’s a 30 minute walk!” 

“I’m very well aware of where your apartment is.” “Steve-”

“Hush.”

You pouted but did as you were told, leaned into him, and took in the scent that was all his own. Something between woodsy and fresh cut grass. In your drunken state, he felt like home.

“Why didn’t you want Bucky to take me home?” you asked after a few moments, not missing the way he stiffened a bit.

“He’s a little buzzed and he gets a little handsy and flirty at times. I didn’t want him to bother you.” You giggled as you took in more of his scent, “you’re literally carrying me, Steve.” “You said your feet hurt.” “Are you a little buzzed?”

“I definitely don’t feel sober,” he chuckled softly and you softly sighed at the comfort of rumble in his chest.

“Do you wanna sleepover?”

“I’ll order a car service once I drop you off.”

“Why not order one now?”

“It was weird...everyone hanging out tonight. I feel like we haven’t hung out alone together in a while.” “Then why not sleepover?”

“Cause I should go home. I don’t wanna accidentally wake you up or something. You worked hard today and you need rest.” “So did you.” “Y/N.” “You’re so weird sometimes, Steve,” you huffed as you laced your hand with his.

“What are you doing?”

“Holding your hand like I’ve done a million times before. What’s wrong?” “Nothing.”

You rolled your eyes and mumbled, “alright weirdo.” “I’m not being weird.”

“You’re not being normal.”

He let out a frustrated huff, “did you have fun tonight?”

“So much fun, I’m so happy you came out.”

“I’ve missed you, darlin.” “I’ve missed you too. Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Sleepover.”

“Y/N-” “See? You are being weird. You’ve slept over my place a ton before, in my bed, and it wasn’t weird. What’s so different about tonight?”

He muttered, “so many things.” “Like what?”

“It’s just been a long night.”

“Fine, whatever. Go home, see if I give a fuck.” “Hey!”

“You’re being weird and you won’t tell me why. You know I hate when you do that shit.”

“I just think I should sleep in my own bed, darlin’. I’m not trying to be weird or make you upset.”

He sounded so strained and you couldn’t read his facial expression, so you couldn’t see how torn up he was. You couldn’t tell how much he was at war with himself.

You couldn’t tell how much he wanted you.

He chuckled when you didn’t say anything, “don’t get quiet on me now.”

“Can you at least stay until I fall asleep? It won’t take long.” “Everything okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah Steve, I just miss you,” you confessed softly. 

“We’ll do a sleepover tomorrow, alright? We’ll have it at my house.” “Fine.” “Don’t be upset.” “I don’t care.” “You’re also a giant brat when you’re drunk.” “You’re saying that you miss me, but won’t spend time with me!”

God, you sounded like a brat to your own ears. That was a huge part as to why you’d never let him see you so inebriated. It’s why you never wanted anyone from The Avengers (or S.H.I.E.L.D for that matter) to see you so drunk. It became harder for you to suppress your feelings for Steve, and he’s all you wanted when you were drunk. For reasons unknown to you (at the time), Steve wanted to go home. That should’ve been enough, but your drunk wanted to hold him all night. 

You were going out of your way to start an argument. 

He let out a heavy sigh as he reached your complex, “I’ll stay-”

“Don’t do me any fucking favors-” “Will stop arguing with me? And stop with swearing, you know I hate it.” “Well maybe I hate you.”

He scoffed hard at that, “no you don’t.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Yes I do, so stop saying it. I’ll stay, okay?”

“And you’ll sleep next to me?”

“Yes darlin’, I will sleep next to you.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his neck and you felt his grip on you get tighter, “thank you, Steve!”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

That night, he was good to his word and slept next to you, letting use his chest as a pillow and you were asleep almost instantly. The next day, he was back to normal and you didn’t think anything of his behavior from the previous night. You had no reason to. However, from that day on, things did slowly start to change more. 

It started with Bucky coming around more, especially when Steve was with you. You couldn’t sense it, because has always been entirely too good at hiding his emotions, but he slowly became frustrated. So much that he basically stopped coming around all together. 

“Hey, are you busy?” you asked timidly as you approached his office one day.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” “Oh...okay then-”

“What’s wrong?”

“No, you’re busy and I don’t wanna take up your time...”

You could feel your eyes welling up and didn’t know why. Steve always had a way of making you so damn soft and vulnerable, and you truly hated it.

You still hate it. 

“Darlin’-” “Please stop calling me that. The guy who started calling me that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. If he does, he’s making sure to stay away from me.”

“He still exists-” “Then what’s going on? Why are you staying away from me?”

He sighed as he threw down his pen, “nothing-”

“Alright, if you’re just gonna lie to me-” “I’m not lying!”

“Steve, you saw me walking with Bucky yesterday and literally turned in the other direction and walked away.” “You guys are just hanging out a lot now and I don’t wanna third wheel-” “You wouldn’t third wheeling! We’re just friends!”

“Y/N...” “Steve, why are you just abandoning me? You’re the one I’m closest to and you know that. You’ve always known that,” you sobbed as you closed the door behind you.

“Please don’t cry-” “Then why are you abandoning me?! What did I do wrong?!”

“Nothing-”

“Then what the fuck?! You’ve been acting so strange, but you’re saying I haven’t done anything! If I didn’t do anything, what the fuck is going on with you?!”

He let out another frustrated sigh and just stared at you, clearly at war with himself.

“Fuck this and fuck you, I give up,” you sobbed as you dried your eyes. 

“Darlin’”

“Stop calling me that! I’m just Y/N and you’re just Steve. I can’t do this with you anymore!”

After you stormed out, things only got worse, because you’d never felt so low and alone in your life. Unless it had to do with a mission or training, you barely even looked his way. The farther you got away from Steve, the more Bucky swooped in. In fact, the more you look at how everything happened, you realize that things wouldn’t have gotten so bad if you’d just shut things down with the both of them. 

However, it’s not as if thinking with a broken heart ever lead to a good thing. 

You cried a lot and Bucky was just there for you. He was sweet, he listened, and let you keep your secrets. Sure, he asked what happened between you and Steve (everyone was), but he dropped it when you told him you wouldn’t be talking about it.

You can’t explain what you don’t know. 

“Hey doll, we’re goin’ out tonight. You wanna come? Invite Meg!” Bucky asked one night after you let him in your apartment on the compound.

“Nah, I’ve got a hot date with a black and white French film and a few glasses of wine,” you smiled weakly.

“You can’t stay in here forever.”

“I don’t. Sometimes I go home.” “Babe-”

“I just wanna stay in, Buck,” you sighed as someone else knocked on your door. “I guess I’m just the most popular girl in the world.”

When you opened it the second time, Steve stood there looking just as upset as you felt. Instead of even trying to attempt to hear him out, a rage flared up inside you and you had to force yourself to not shove him. As far as you were concerned, he had a lot of fucking nerve to show up at your place after all the shit that happened in his office. 

“What?”

“I wanted to know if you’re coming out tonight-”

“No.”

“Well, can I come in and we can talk? I know I owe you an explanation-”

“I don’t want an explanation anymore, Steve,” you lied harshly, “I just want you to leave me alone. I stood in your office and cried like a fucking dumbass...that was a month ago. Now you wanna talk? Just leave things as they are.”

You truly wish you hadn’t spoken out of anger because none of it was true. You cried over him whenever you were alone, you missed hanging out with him, you missed falling asleep next to him...you missed Steve. Your Steve.

You’ve always been a hot head. 

“Darlin-” “What have I told you about that?” “Y/N, just give me a few minutes-”

“No, go away. Unless it has to do with work, we don’t have anything to talk about.” “You don’t mean that,” he more pleaded than told you.

“I’ve never meant it more!”

“Y/N-”

Bucky sighed as he came up behind you, “she just needs to cool off, Pal.”

If you hadn’t been so upset and hurt you would’ve laughed at how wide Steve’s eyes got.

“We’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“I thought you were coming out. It was your idea in the first damn place,” Steve snapped.

“I don’t wanna leave Y/N while she’s this upset. She shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but all that happened was he clenched his jaw and looked away before he stormed off, punching the wall on his way out.

You should’ve spoken to him. You should’ve gone after him. Instead you pushed past Bucky and made yourself your first glass of wine of the night.

“Babe-”

“Buck, if you’re gonna stay here tonight, please no lectures. I just wanna be upset, okay?”

He just nodded solemnly, “I get it. No lectures, just drinks and weird French movies,” he smirked and you quietly laughed. 

Here’s the thing: it’s not that you never found Bucky attractive, you just never thought about him. You were always thinking about Steve. However, at that time, thinking about Steve brought you too much pain and you didn’t want to feel anymore pain for a while. You just wanted to feel numb. You’d rather have nothing, the void, than hold onto the pain Steve’s brought on. 

You rested your legs on him when he sat next to you, not thinking anything of it. When he started stroking your leg after the third glass of wine, you still didn’t think anything of it. You only started to pick up on his actions when he squeezed your thigh a little.

“Buck?”

“Yeah doll?” “What are you doing?”

“Trying to help you relax and feel better.”

“Buck-”

“I’ve never seen you this upset, babe. I just wanna help.”

The thought and the offer were tempting. You couldn’t remember the last time you had gotten off to something other than your vibrator. Of course you’d made subtle advances towards Steve, but he’d clearly turned you down. Plus, the women around the compound did talk. While Bucky had a reputation for being a skirt chaser, he also had a reputation for wearing women out in the best way.

It’s not like you were looking for anything. You just wanted to forget for awhile. 

He tested the waters a bit more by sliding his hand further up your leg, waiting to see how you’d respond. 

You placed your wine glass on the ground and opened your legs for him a bit, “you just wanna make me feel better?”

“So fuckin’ good, doll,” he husked, as he reached between your legs and easily ripped your panties off, “just lay back and enjoy, baby.”

His movements were slow, but his kisses were desperate. It felt good, but off. Not to mention you felt more guilty with every kiss he gave you, like you were betraying Steve.

‘Fuck Steve,’ you told yourself mentally, ‘he had his chance and he clearly didn’t want it.’

You closed your eyes in a vain attempt to shut out any thoughts of Steve, but that only made his face come to mind. You let out a sound between a moan and a frustrated grunt as you pulled Bucky’s hair.

“Please!”

“Tell me how bad you want it,” he smirked, his hot breath lapped at your pussy.

“So fucking bad, please! Need it!”

“Love seeing you like this,” he cooed, before he dipped down and dove in and his lewd moans filled the room.

This was the moment Bucky became your “decoy”. You didn’t want him in the same way he wanted you, but part of you felt like he didn’t actually give a shit. Since he’d lost Nat to Bruce, Bucky wasn’t ever really looking for a relationship. He liked to play around, entertain a woman (or two) for a few months, then he’d move on. As far as you were concerned, that night was only supposed to be a one time thing. 

“F-fuck!” you moaned, doing your best to be in the moment as you lulled your head back while he fucked you with his tongue and massaged your clit with his thumb. “Feels so good, Buck!”

You weren’t lying completely. It’s not as if Bucky was bad at eating you out, he just wasn’t the one you wanted doing it. 

You felt him smirk against your folds, and started to grind your pussy against his face, forcing yourself to focus on all the pleasure you felt instead of everything else.

‘Steve doesn’t want you. Steve doesn’t want you. Stop thinking about Steve!’ you told yourself mentally.

When he switched up and started sucking on your clit, he easily pressed two fingers into your soaked folds. You felt the knot in your core tighten and snap.

“FUCK!” you cried out as you came hard and a few tears escaped your eyes.

You hated how the tears weren’t from pleasure, but you masked it well enough as he fucked you through your high.

“Take off that fuckin’ shirt, baby. Let me fuckin’ see you,” he husked as he took off his own shirt and started to undo his jeans. 

You were quick to do as he said, taking all of him as you ignored how uncomfortable you felt being so bare beneath him as his mouth glistened with your juices.

You were doing this to feel better, so why weren’t you feeling any better?

“Waited so fuckin’ long, baby,” he groaned as he dipped down and worshiped each of your breasts while his thumb made little circles on your clit.

“Bucky!”

“I know baby, I’m gonna take care of you, gonna take such good care of you,” he moaned before you felt his tongue on the side of your neck, licking up little beads of sweat. 

You took a deep breath and told yourself you wanted it as you felt him at your entrance. You wanted Bucky. You just needed to let yourself relax.

“Jesus, you’re fuckin’ tight!” he grunted as he pushed into you.

“Oh fuck!”

“I know you can take me, baby! Your wet little pussy is squeezing me so tight, baby!” “Please don’t stop,” you whimpered as you wrapped a leg around his waist, trying to hang on to him as he fucked into you hard and fast.

You wanted this. You agreed to this.

He pushed himself up with his metal arm and looked down at you adoringly, “wanted you for so long, doll. Waited for...ah fuck!”

To avoid feeling anymore guilt, you wrapped an arm around him to pull him close and kissed him passionately, moaning into his mouth when you felt him fill you to the brim. He rode out both your highs before he rested his forehead against yours.

“So good, baby. You tired?” he asked, breath still coming heavy.

You just closed your eyes and shook your head no.

“Good girl.”

Bucky kept at it for a while, not feeling any real pleasure until he brought you off (which you had to fake half the time). There was nothing wrong with him. You found him attractive, and you knew that he wanted you, but it just wasn’t what you wanted. All of it felt so hollow and emotionless on your end. You felt like you were acting and Bucky was working his ass off to please you; to make matters worse, your phone kept going off and you knew who it was.

Steve would’ve hated you if he knew what you were doing and who with, but a part of you felt like he already did. When you both were done, Bucky was a gentleman. He pulled your shirt over your head, carried you to bed, and held you close until you both fell asleep.

You didn’t cry until the next day when you woke up alone in an empty apartment. You ignored calls from both Bucky and Steve, and eventually Bucky was the only one texting you.

Something in you knew that Bucky had confirmed his suspicions, and you just knew he was furious. You and Steve both knew Bucky wasn’t a bad guy, he was just a player and Steve never wanted that for you. 

Eventually you cracked and called Meg, and cried while you told her everything. 

“Well...fuck,” she muttered once you finally got everything out. “Are you sure Steve knows?”

“His calls and texts were incessant until they weren’t. He hasn’t done either in the last 3 hours.”

“Oh yeah no, he definitely fucking knows. Bucky?”

“Bucky went from every 30 minutes to every other hour.”

“Well, what’s wrong with him?” “Nothing...”

“Except?” 

“He’s not Steve.”

“Yeah, but Steve passed up on you, and he was kind of a dick about it. He waited a month until after the office situation? You’ve been showing him your available for how many years? I know you love him, but-”

“I don’t love him.”

“Yeah, cause that’s you’re crying to me about him instead of the skirt chaser that fucked your brains out?”

“Meg.”

“I’m not being insensitive, I’m being honest. Bucky was there last night, clearly wanted you, was with you all night, and all you could think about was Steve. Today, even though Bucky is still texting you, you’re more upset that Steve isn’t because you know he knows. If I were you, I’d be more worried about the guy that’s used to fucking around breaking my heart, than the guy who isn’t,” she sighed.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Steve had his chance, I need to let him go. I’ve been in my room crying all day...I have to stop.”

“Can you?”

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Babe, if you could end up with Steve, I’d prefer that, but that’s not really an option. Even if he came back, he gave you the run around for a bit. Just focus on you for now and what you want. You always want to make others happy, and you need to focus on you.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Do you need me to come over?”

“No, being alone is good for me right now.”

“Alright, I love you, Y/N. It’s gonna be okay.”

You let out a heavy sigh as you sobbed, “I love you,” and hung up.

You ignored Bucky for the rest of the day, feeling guilty about it, but knowing it was for the best. You’d done enough wrong and you truly did need to focus on you and what you wanted.

However, before you fell asleep, you broke down and checked all your texts from Steve.

O Captain, My Captain: Darlin, please just talk to me. I’m so sorry.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m not going out tonight, please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: Don’t do anything with Bucky. He’s my best friend, but he’s not worthy of you. He won’t treat you right and you know that.

O Captain, My Captain: Please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: If I could take back my actions, I would. I’m so sorry. If you’d just talk to me, I’d be able to make you understand.

O Captain, My Captain: Please talk to me. I miss you so much.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m going to sleep, but give me a call whenever.

O Captain, My Captain: Seriously? All night and you’re still not talking to me?

O Captain, My Captain: Baby, please just talk to me. We’ve never gone this long without talking, and I fucking hate it.

O Captain, My Captain: Y/N...please.

O Captain, My Captain: Bucky just left. You’ve made yourself loud and clear, and fine. I got it.

O Captain, My Captain: Do whatever the fuck you want.

When you woke up the following day, you had the biggest headache from crying, and the last thing you felt like doing was facing either of them. You had a job to do though, and criminals didn’t stop being criminals just because you had a broken heart. Even though you were slower to dress than usual, you were still on time for training, and God, it was brutal.

Bucky kept looking at you, Steve wouldn’t even look your way, and you couldn’t focus. You’d never had a day so bad, and all you wanted was to crawl back into bed. During the meeting after, you just leaned against the wall, barely listening to anything Nick had to say. The one time you bothered to look up, you looked over at Steve and was glaring at you. 

God, you really fucking hated yourself. 

“Doll, wait up!” Bucky called after you once the meeting was over.

You’d practically run out of the room.

“Bucky, I really just want-”

“What did I do wrong?” he breathed once he caught up to you. “Everything seemed fine on Saturday, I thought we both enjoyed it.”

You didn’t miss the way Steve quietly scoffed as he walked past the both of you.

“Bucky, I just-”

“Did I hurt you? What...I really like you, Y/N. I have for a while and I just...was I too eager?”

You honestly hadn’t expected that.

“Wait...what?”

“I never said anything, because I thought you and Steve had a thing going, but that’s clearly not happening. You were just so upset on Saturday and I wanted to make you happy, and I’ve wanted you for so long...what did I do?”

Trash. You felt like absolute trash.

“I need to get to my room.” “Y/N-”

“Just...I’ll talk to you later, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I just have a lot going on in my head. I just need to be by myself for a while.”

“Please just-”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’m sorry.”

~~

You can read the rest here.

[makersruin]

*knock knock* thoughts on venat?

she is a girlboss she is a war criminal she is a lunatic she is clinically insane and the next virgin mary and she is never going to die

in all seriousness, i love venat and the overwhelming love that she embodies. in concept, based on what is present in the game, i unironically find her to be a soothing presence and was overwhelmed by the cutscene at the end of the elpis arc where she's covered in her own sins but walks forward anyway, hoping to meet you at The End. having that juxtapose the slow crawl to emet-selch in shb was brilliant, not only for its obvious metaphor, but bc it retroactively made me emotional to think that despite the immense suffering experienced by the wol there, venat was sharing that burden hand in hand, even if i hadn't known it yet. how many other times has the wol felt alone, not knowing she was there too? i sincerely watch the 'thou must live die and know' cutscene when i have bad days bc it genuinely makes me feel better.

the one opinion i have that doesn't seem to be very common (correct me if i'm wrong, obviously i have a limited pov) is that i'm fully convinced that she's also kind of crazy. in the same way i'm convinced that graha tia is also kind of crazy. you have to have a cosmically insane amount of self-control, confidence, and tolerance for pain to be doing what she did. giving up your humanity, your identity, your singular sense of self -- that which venat cherished enough that she refused to leave the star when her time came -- for an existence of cold, godly stasis takes more than any one man should be able to handle. and part of her decision to do this, along with a myriad of reasons, was because she remembered ktisis, and so remembered meteion's specific warning to her -- something hermes, hythlodaeus, or emet-selch didn't get to have. but i sincerely cannot say i believe any of those three would've actually taken meteion's words to heart and changed, even if they had remembered. in fact, when whenever "fandaniel" is put in the position of having to give up his identity (both when hermes is being offered the seat and when amon is in the aetherial sea awaiting reincarnation) they both flounder and resist out of fear. she's not like y'all!!!!!

all that to say that as a result, i believe in her ability to hate in equal measure. i don't think she's the type to hold grudges or let hate fester in her heart the way hermes was, but i do think she's capable of holding some manner of resentment, the way all people are, and so i really enjoy thinking about all the ways in which she indulged in the more negative points of her humanity before surrendering herself to becoming the benevolent god she actually is at heart. she makes me so, so sad but i love her so much. they could never make me hate her!!!

[theszarrpalace]

Acts Of Service

Summary: Far down in the dungeons of his palace, that's where Cazador keeps you, paying you a visit when the vampire lord feels the boredom seeping in again.

Pairing: Cazador Szarr x afab!spawn!Reader

Word Count: -1.8k

Content Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat 18+!, Heavy Dub-Con/Non-Con, Degradation, Mocking, Humiliation, Oral (M Receiving), Deepthroating, Breath Play, Use Of A Collar And A Muzzle, Mentions Of Suicide Attempts

A/N: I gave in to the Cazador brain rot.

Tagging: @vampiric-hunger @zagamn

Every once in a while you still dreamt of soft duvet covers, how safe and comforting the cozy fabric felt against your cheeks that were adorned by a smile that reached up to your eyes as you snuggled your face deeper into the cushions underneath. Those dreams caught up to you here and there again, leaving you sore and yearning after opening up your glaring red eyes to nothing but darkness again. They made you forget just how sharp the pain in your neck jolted down all along your spine when you moved your head heavy with that gnarly iron muzzle now covering your mouth. Pale, chapped lips hiding a set of fangs you never wanted or ever asked for.

The eerily crack emitting from your neck echoed back from the desolate chamber walls you involuntarily called your home as you tried to stretch yourself as much as you possibly could. The sudden snap was accompanied by a rustle of chains as soon as you tried to stand upright, not only did the bulky muzzle weighed you down but also the sturdy bond of metal reaching from the collar wrapping around your neck right into the black stone wall behind you. With a pained groan rolling over your tongue, your knees buckled down again and you slumped back down on your behind, the unforgiving marble tiles reminding you where you are and why your captor wouldn't even let you stand up straight anymore.

Oh, how much you’d love to go back to your dream, to forget all about this for a handful of hours again but no, this kind of brief elation wouldn't be granted to you until you’d pass out from pure exhaustion anew.

In a meager, barely audible form of protest, you huffed out into the darkness surrounding you.

“Now, now… why that attitude?” The harsh clicking of a tongue shot right through the dark to get into your head, aimed to set you off.

A cold rush ran down the somewhat hunched curve of your back. You didn’t hear him coming, didn't even feel him bring so unnervingly close to you at all.

“Would be a newly discovered whim of yours to suddenly care, Cazador.” Your voice was raspy and raw just like your painfully dry throat as you answered, your eyes searching his and finding them shortly after.

A pair of barely even half-lidded, dangerously red glowing irises hovering above you, staring down at you without any warmth in them.

“You're quite bitter today, no? Don't forget that you brought it all upon yourself.” The leathery clacking of heels indicated him taking a step closer towards you, “If it wouldn't have been for you trying to hang yourself with that chain I didn't have to shorten it so much, dear.”

You didn't need to see the arrogantly self-righteous grin on Cazador's face to know it was most definitely there, you heard it instead.

“You leave me no other option than to keep you all chained and muzzled up if you behave in such heinous ways.” His sly tone trickled from his lips like poisonous honey, nothing but a mockery of shallow compassion filling you with even more fury.

“I needn't risk you hurting yourself so foolishly.” Juxtaposed to his words, Cazador flicked his index finger at your collarbone, its pointy nail sharp enough to cut through the first layers of your skin at ease.

The cold sting of sudden pain made you flinch away from him and the back of your head quickly met with the wall behind you as there simply wasn't a getting away from Cazador.

“I was hoping that you may have learned to behave yourself after my last visit. Sat on your actions for a little while.”, His fingers trailed upwards, away from the small incision and along your neck until they reached the heavy iron cast following the edge of your jaws, “I'm inclined to give you another chance, to take that gnarly muzzle off your pretty face and see if you obey me now, hm?”

Disgust crept up inside of you and hit the back of your throat like caustic bile. His voice was so distastefully sweet, uttering words so rotten that you couldn't help yourself but to turn your face away. Of course, it was to no real avail as Cazador yanked it right back, harshly enough for your neck to crack anew.

“Looks like you need a little more motivation, no? You shall have it.”, He continued whilst his hand unbuckled the broad leather straps keeping the muzzle pressed to your skin, “I'm in a generous mood tonight, dear. If you behave like an obedient spawn of mine, I'll take you upstairs and feed you well. You must be famished by now.”

His twisted proposal tickled not only your attention but also the nauseating hunger sitting in your aching, cramping stomach.

“Food?” You mumbled, almost groaning in relief as the heavy iron was lifted from your head.

However, the feeling of elation was fleeting quickly as your captor palm clasped around your jaw almost immediately.

“Oh yes.”, He confirmed, his fingers squeezing your sunken, almost boney cheeks, “But dare and bite me again and I'll part your head by the jaw until you look like a pathetic crippled ghoul, understood?”

Through the firm grasp of Cazador's hand, you could hardly answer back so you just nodded.

“Wonderful. See? Wasn't so hard after all.” He quipped, his mocking tone making you regret your compliance instantly.

You tried to soothe yourself with the fact that there wouldn't have been another way around it anyhow, with or without resistance, you would’ve had to endure him regardless. Repeating it in your mind over and over again didn't help much at all but it kept you busy enough to not snap your mouth shut as you sensed Cazador's fingers forcing themselves past the dry skin of your lips.

“Look at you, good girl, open up for me.” He demanded not only with his voice but with his slender digits pushing down onto your tongue as well.

Letting your jaw go slack to his ministrations was painful after not moving it in what probably had been weeks already, causing a poorly choked-back whine to escape.

“Oh, I know, I felt that little tearing there too.” The vampire towering above you cooed, one of his hands lazily exploring the inside of your mouth whereas the other found itself busy with unlacing his leg garments.

Your senses followed the sound of thin leather ribbons being pulled apart to loosen the fabric’s fit around his waist and you knew what was about to happen, vivid memories from the last encounter worked themselves to the forefront of your thoughts. You'd just have to push through this time, no acting up, no swift moment of rebellion and you'd get fed… finally.

“Just so much as a flinch and you can bid your food ration farewell.”, Cazador menacingly reminded you as he pulled his now saliva-covered fingers from your lips, “Now keep that mouth of yours open just like so.”

The flat of your tongue, practically hanging out of your mouth, didn't remain vacant for long. In the very moment you tried to swallow the pooling spit at the end of it, the muscles of your throat halted, interrupted by Cazador's cold to the touch yet throbbing cock being pushed so far down past your lips that you nearly gagged. Immediately tears started forming in the corners of your eyes as you forced yourself to remain still and for your on-edge muscles to relax.

“So much better than last time.” It wasn't really a praise at all but rather a factual conclusion Cazador stated bluntly whilst guiding his entire girth further down your throat without ever giving you so much as a second to adjust.

Not only was it uncomfortable but borderline painful as well. For day's, your throat had been nothing but endlessly dry and sore with the lack of necessary hydration. Reminding yourself to stay calm, you tried to breath through it, to take every firm snap of Cazador's hips against your aching face one deep breath at a time but you found yourself struggling with not pathetically choking on his length.

The entire interaction, this forced encounter, had nothing to do with any sort of amicable connection and much less eroticism. You weren't even sure if you'd title this as sex at all. A malevolent and vile display of forcibly taken power suited it much rather and for a moment you caught yourself wondering if even Cazador himself gained any real physical pleasure from this. Sure, you very much felt the swollen girth of his cock filling out your mouth to the point where your jaw hung sore but this couldn't be it, could it? A cold dick against an equally cold tongue. No warmth or, gods forbid, love found in this transaction of humiliating obedience for maybe a chalice of blood.

That was his poison, the thing that got him off good and nicely; control.

“Huh? Don't you dream off now!” Apparently he had noticed you drifting away with your thoughts and before you could feel your lungs filling with a shaky breath of air anew, Cazador pinched your nostrils shut, causing your throat to tightly clench around him almost immediately.

His scolding laughter mixed with the wet gurgling sounds emitting from your mouth, your throat contracting in a spasm between breathless coughs and choked-out tries to gasp for oxygen.

“Fucking gods!” It shot past Cazador's lips in a low hiss as he shoved his lower torso against your face to the point where his tightening balls pressed against your chin.

You heard him groaning out in a guttural rumble that clawed its way from the very depths of his chest just as well as you felt him unloading himself beneath the cramping base of your tongue. The amalgamation of spurting out cum on the spittle you dreaded of choking upon went right down your throat without even leaving the faint idea of an aftertaste and by the time he withdrew himself from your brutalized mouth you had started seeing stats behind fluttering lids.

Tucking himself back in, Cazador gave your heavily coughing and almost dry-heaving form a swift kick with the metal tip of his boot.

“Get yourself together, dear, I'm not carrying you upstairs.”

[l1ndseyper3z]

Hi there! Could you please write a dead poets society fic for Neil x Todd (anderperry) where they’re on a date and they’re playfully flirting/flustering each other? I think they’re neat.

Hey! They are neat, so thanks for the request. I hope you don't mind me making this slightly Christmas-themed, I'm just in the spirit !! I know it's short but I hope you enjoy it.

~ Regular Nights ~

Ship: Neil Perry X Todd Anderson (Anderperry)

Fandom: Dead Poets Society (1989)

Requested?: Yes!

Warnings: Sex references/implications ig? idk this is just very fluffy! I suppose you could consider this a modern AU as obviously a gay couple sadly couldn't go on a date in public during the 50s but apart from that it isn't laid on at all so the choice is yours

Dates had become something normal for Neil and Todd. At least once a month, always on a Saturday night, a play followed by food at the pair's favourite out-of-the-way diner. This was the set routine, it worked and they stuck to it. Today was no different.

"How did you not like it?! The way the lead portrayed Malvolio was near perfect!" With no hurry, Neil whined as the two walked, hand in hand along the snow-covered street.

"I dunno... it wasn't anything to do with the actors, the actual play was just boring." Todd chuckled as he pushed open the door to their regular end to a date night. One difference, this time the small building was decorated with warm white Christmas lights.

The pair walked inside, wiping their feet on the door mat to ensure they didn't walk snow all through the place. As Neil led Todd to "their" table in the corner, he sighed dramatically. "I can't believe I have a boyfriend who can't appreciate the beauty of Twelfth Night!"

"I'd rather appreciate your beauty," Todd uttered, almost too casually, especially for him. Neil's face flushed a warm tone of pink, juxtaposing the cool pale the cold rendered him.

Todd chuckled at his boyfriend's rapidly reddening face but chose not to torment him any more. Not just yet, anyway.

"Stop laughing! You know I'll get you back later tonight anyways" Neil retorted with a suggestive smirk. He was glad they could have back-and-forths like this. When the pair met, he was scared to say anything that could even slightly hurt his feelings. Now, they'd learnt each other's limits.

As Todd caught wind of what Neil was implying and a similar warm blush crept upon his cheeks, the darker-haired boy slipped up from his seat and headed over to the counter. He didn't even need to ask what Todd wanted, he just knew. It was the little things like this that made him fall more and more in love with Neil every day.

As he came back to the table, Todd pulled out his wallet. "How much?" he questioned with little emotion laced through his voice as he flicked through the notes, preparing to give the assumed amount.

Neil calmly rejected the other boy's money. "Nothing, you paid last time, remember?"

"So? I'm still loaded from my birthday cause my parents finally got the hint I didn't want the same desk set for the third year in a row"

Neil chuckled. "Seriously, babe, it's my turn to pay" He pushed the wallet away. "If anything I should be paying for the pretty company I've been graced with". Todd's face flushed pink again, this time deeper.

"You know calling me pretty makes me awkward.."

"That's exactly why I do it." Neil cooly retorted

Todd decided he wanted to carry on this little game the two had been playing. He grabbed Neil's hand, lifted it up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. Neil's confident demeanour dropped at once.

"So cocky till you're not" Todd teased with a gentle voice. He could actually be quite sassy around those he was comfortable with, it just took time to get to that stage.

"Whatever" Neil muttered with a mock scowl, although there was no malice in his tone. The two smiled at each other and dug into their food. These regular nights were comfortable. These regular nights were simple. These regular nights were the best things that had ever happened to the boys. No matter how basic, they wouldn't change them for the world.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Saw one of the weirdest takes about Striker.

These were in the tags on post that was talking about how Striker gave up the opportunity to work with other imps and instead chose to keep working with the rich, when he turned down Blitz's offer of a job.

#reminder that stella is not the only rich person that striker has worked for#crim is also a greedy rich asshole and striker is implied to be the one who came to him rather than vice versa#yes crim is also an imp but still a rich greedy and presumably a capitalist soooo#this juxtaposes stolas who gets along better with other imps rather than other goetias#whereas striker associates more with rich assholes more than his own race#he also tries to convince blitz to give up everything he's worked for#almost like he doesn't actually gaf about advocacy for change or anything and is only working for the benefit for himself

First off, how is Blitz not a capatilist? He wants to make money too, and does so by killing people. Crim is only bad because he killed his wife and is abusive to Moxxie. If Crim was just a mafia boss, killing people who got in his way, and was nice to Moxxie and loved his wife, I don't really see much difference between him and Blitz. They're both imps that run their own businesses. I mean, I see no evidence that Blitz is a union man and fighting for imps either. Wierd to act as if Crimson is on the same level as the Goetias just because he has some money. By this standard, Fizz is also rich and Blitz is a class traitor for working for him as a body gaurd that one time.

Second, when did Stolas get along well with imps? Yes, he's attracted to Blitz, hell, I'll even go with the show's framing and say he loves him, but that doesn't mean he gets along with other imps. He treats Millie and Moxxie like they don't matter, and used his Butler as a stress ball.

Striker taking jobs from people who can pay him good money isn't the same as being buddy, buddy with them. Again, does Blitz lose points because he works for Fizz or made a deal with Stolas? Why is what Striker does worse? I'm not saying he loves imps, but it's bizarre to pretend he's constantly hanging around the rich, when he's had 2 clients during the show, and one of them is another self-made imp.

I just find it hypocritical that this person wants other fans to stop saying that Striker is trying to change things for imps, while pretending Blitz does want/tries to change things for imps. Neither of them cares overly much about imp oppression as a whole. They both have singular goals that revolve around what they want for themselves. Blitz does care about more people than Striker, but he also made fun of Wrath imps and thought they were inbred chuckle-fucks.

Also, really crazy to try and uplift Stolas as this down to earth guy, who treats imps so nice, while presenting Striker as this dude who spends all his time and is comfortable with the elite. Like, I'm sorry, but Stolas doesn't treat imps any better than Striker--he just fell in love with one imp. Him loving an imp doesn't mean he can't be racist anymore, or that he cares about other non-Blitz imps.

This. They are putting a draco in leather pants view on Stolas and anyone who actually reads this series without rose tinted filters can see that's bs.

[jozor-johai]

Do you have any TWOW predictions for sansa's arc?

Thank you for this question! I didn't really before you asked because it's always seemed so complicated to try to unravel. This ask inspired me, though, so I've spent the last two nights trying to work out my thoughts.

i will invoke the old adage here: it took me so long to answer this because I wanted to write you a shorter response. ...Believe it or not this is the short version, I could have written you a longer one. If there's interest, I might post my complete thoughts later.

To start, I think that Harry the Heir will die inconveniently early to punish Petyr in the narrative for committing too hard to killing Sweetrobin.

I do think Sansa will play a major role in taking down Petyr, but it really has to be his own dominos that she simply manages to push over. The Ghost of High Heart prophecy foretells her slaying a giant in a castle of snow, and I think that might be both LF in the Vale and Tyrion in Winterfell. Somehow (we'll get to that).

I even wonder whether Sansa is already plotting LF's downfall. I love this post that points out how Sansa outsmarted Tyrion by playing her "role" so well, and it makes me second-guess how much of "Alayne" is truly her abused self-image and how much is her fully playing the role for Petyr's benefit. There's a passage in the Alayne TWOW chapter where she wonders if Lyn is really Baelish's man, and I wonder: is it Alayne wondering that out of concern, or is it Sansa identifying a potential future ally to nudge along? Is she perhaps already nudging him against LF in that chapter?

Ultimately, Sansa's story is all about stories and songs, which is one of the major ideas in ASOIAF; the fact that her journey is constantly juxtaposed against that central theme makes hers one of the essential journeys of the story. My interpretation is that her first trials were where she believed she belonged in a different type of fantasy story, and now she's discovered that she's been a part of someone else's fairy tale—Petyr's—for longer than she realized.

I don't believe that Sansa's ultimate lesson will be that life is not a song, I think Petyr is both hypocritical and wrong in saying so. I think that her lesson is to learn that life can be a song when she sings it for herself, rather than playing the "pretty talking bird" singing the songs she expected to be in, or that she expects others want to hear.

To that end, I think she has to be pulled away from Petyr for her final trial. I think Shadrich is going to successfully steal Sansa away before any of Petyr's larger plans go into effect, so that we only get to see the groundwork being laid from Sansa's POV and then we have to hear about it all coming to fruition from afar. I tend towards the idea that Shadrich is more of a vehicle for Sansa's story than major player, though, so I'm hoping that she gets some actual agency once he takes her out of the Vale.

My no.1 hope for Sansa in TWOW is for her to find a way to achieve actual agency, and I can't see her managing effectively under Petyr. I don't think she's had her "Meeting with the Goddess" moment yet, I tend to think she'll have that moment on the road somehow.

I don't think it's for nothing that Shadrich's professed goal is doomed, because Varys is no longer around to pay the ransom. I also think KL itself is doomed and will be embroiled in war and/or plague when they arrive (if they even make it that far), so I think it's possible we get a brief moment that mirrors the Hound's and Arya's loss of purpose after the RW. KL will be empty of reward for Shadrich, and for Sansa it will be lost in this moment of bittersweet catharsis that represents both the loss of her original dreams and of her prison. The two are also one, in a way, considering that she was trapping herself from the start with her desire to force her life into a song rather than find the songs within life. This is potentially when the "Meeting with the Goddess" moment happens, although I don't know with who.

I think that it would be narratively satisfying for Sansa to then return (of her own accord, maybe? somehow) and confront Petyr as her faux-father-villain in an antagonistic twist on the "Atonement with the Father" moment where she realizes that Petyr's been the cause of so many of her problems, and the problems of her real parents, both lost now. Maybe Sweetrobin plays a role in this because his Weirwood throne should symbolically connect Sansa to the Old Gods again, and her spiritual return to her roots. Hopefully she sees how Petyr has been living in a fantasy world and putting her there too.

I think perhaps Lyn Corbray plays a big role in this, which is why Sansa noticed his uncertain loyalties. Certainly, the remaining Lords Declarant will be on her side, because Petyr's setting up a plotline where he extorts inflated prices for grain, so Sansa's role in deposing him will earn her the love of the Vale. "she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me."

Her Apotheosis, I think, will be finally getting agency and freedom from Littlefinger, and her Ultimate Boon might be Winterfell/The Vale itself, somehow, as hers rather than as Littlefinger's. More spiritually I think her Ultimate Boon will be her idealism and hope—which she has always had—separated from the constraints of preconceived songs but never lost. This mirrors how her internal world has separated so vastly from her external world playing "roles" for the people around her. I think her unyielding ideals, though, that those songs represented, will be an invaluable trait in the oncoming doom awaiting Westeros.

Finally... Sansa has never forgotten that she's still married, though, and neither should we—and I think the final irony in TWOW will be the return of her husband, Tyrion, who will come back to Westeros with the means to make good on his promise "to reduce the Vale of Arryn to a smoking wasteland." I think it's possible that Dany's landing in Westeros will mirror the Andal's arrival, landing in the Vale first—she also brings a train of refugees who follow her like a Messiah. When they land, I think Tyrion will urge extreme violence, also mirroring the Andal invasion.

After that, though, I think we probably cut to ADOS. I don't want to figure out the logistics of getting Sansa back to Winterfell (with Tyrion?) but I don't think it will happen in TWOW anyway.

That's my full prediction for Sansa in TWOW. tbh I hope she gets a lot of chapters, there were so few in AFFC.

[twothpaste]

Idk if you've covered this before but what are your thoughts on Porky having a movie about Ness n pals? That scene is rapidly spinning around in my noggin

This turns my cerebral matter into a rotisserie chicken on a spit as well. Part of what's so fascinating about it I think is how much we don't know about the film. How did Porky make this thing?? Are the characters we see on screen paid actors, re-enacting the events of EarthBound for his amusement?? Or did he somehow, through timetravel shenanigans or a deranged obsession all those years ago, actually record Ness n' pals' adventures?! Did Porky himself write a script for this movie, or supervise the editing? Is it documentary or dramatization? We don't see any frames that feature Porky - one's gotta wonder how he presents himself on the silver screen. Like, did he clip out all the times he acted like a total scumbag? Did he change them, so that to an audience of suckers, the esteemed King P seems like a hero too? Or is it presented exactly as it happened, 'cause in Porky's eyes, he really was the hero of this story all along?? I feel like a dedicated fan could make a case either way for every one of these possibilities. And all of them carry haunting implications in a bazillion different ways. ( Lots more beneath the cut. )

What we do know is that this movie's mere existence says a lot about Porky's fixation on the past. New Pork especially - but other areas too - is littered with callbacks to EarthBound, loads of shallow & off-kilter recreations of objects & imagery from Porky's childhood. It's as if he's trying to resurrect everything he's nostalgic for, and superimpose it onto a totally different world. Dude's lived a bazillion years, he's probably had all kinds of crazy experiences in that time. But he's still only got eyes for Ness, and Onett, and that one very special adventure. He's grandly presenting his origin story to a generation of future-people, and presumably expects them to be just as terminally nostalgically enthralled as he is. But these people don't have the context to know what it means. They can't grasp it as anything other than a cartoonishly wacky adventure film. They probably don't even know it's depicting real events (however skewed it may or may not be)! Or that these child heroes almost definitely grew old and died ages ago. The thought of Porky putting forth something so important to him, something that means fucking everything to him - and his flock of brainwashed followers just not getting it at all - is like??? Boil me down into soup and stir the pot around. Pour me in a Campbell's can and don't open it until the end of the world. Agh.

This applies just as much, maybe especially so, to Lucas. Something about it always feels deeply unnerving to me, when I reach New Pork's movie theater on replays. Piloting Lucas n' company to stand there, in the dark, juxtaposed in front of a past they can't possibly comprehend. A past we, as players of this series, identify so strongly with! But our new protagonist flat out just isn't a part of that old world. He's got nothing to do with it, and no clue who Ness is. His fight with Porky is so present and personal… I don't think Lucas is carrying on a mantle here, even symbolically. Porky wants very badly for him to be the new Ness, a worthy opponent who'll "play" with him, to rekindle the same adrenaline he felt when he last fought his old friend. But Lucas is his own person with his own motives. And he's not playing, either. You press A in front of that screen, and you get nothing special in terms of flavor text. 'Cause it doesn't mean anything to Lucas. Porky's memories simply aren't Lucas' baggage.

There are a lot of moments in Mother 3 that turn nostalgia on its head. Makin' stuff that oughtta feel familiar and heartwarming turn queasy in your tummy instead. Making you reconsider why you cling to childhood memories, and whether or not they blind you to future possibilities - like they do for Porky. The movie theater's probably my favorite of these moments.

[piratesofhyrule]

The Story That Will Never Be Told 2: Midzel (For Realsies)

Don't worry, this is legit XD

This was planned from the start, simply a matter of getting to that point was always the REAL question. I saw the concept of "BOTW Midzel, but it's the same Midna from TP that's lived to this day and age due to time-shenanigans" kicking around, it springboarded what I devised.

Midna was rather easy to write concerning her heart as the core of this matter is she has had to live so long without the one she loved most, an agony I am most familiar with. The Zelda she knew may have been cut from the same cloth as the current one, but there's marked differences between the two. Twilight Zelda's stoic and outwardly cold to hide her softness, my Barbarian Zelda meanwhile is a carnivorous and brutish wastelander with the biggest heart you've ever seen. This is then juxtaposed further with how she's also a closeted nerd, the savagery of her upbringing stifling that part of her, but it's something Midna recognizes from the Zelda she originally knew. She wanted to befriend Zelda again, to truly learn of her without any sort of preconceptions or romantic expectations because while Zelda is clearly enamoured with her, Midna would never take the freedom of choice from her. She wanted Zelda to learn the sad truth of their shared past because the secrets and loss of choice that Midna suffered thanks to her curse were deeply engraved into her soul. She would never inflict that on her Zelda and that's why she strove to let Zelda initiate it all.

Although Zelda's initial attraction was rooted in "tall lady sexy lemme smash", I did want her to grow beyond base horniness into something much more profound and deeper. Choosing the whole "she has no clue about her royal heritage" was made quite early in pre-production, but it indirectly played into this as it's Midna that guides her along this learning curve. Thus Zelda's attraction stalls a bit in the face of their shared pasts, but such sudden curveballs in life can be the greatest of teaching moments and this helped develop Zelda more. When the two finially get together, she makes that decision with both eyes on Midna as she walks towards her, not falling in love but purposefully seeking her out.

Was thinking of posting the Midzel smuttery, but I'm not so certain about that these days.

The Gerudo Arc was meant to deepen their relationship, assorted terrors and battles only further entwining them. Deeper their love grows, it's tempered by the two low-key panicking about the other in any degree of mortal peril, which only worsens during Zelda's pilgrimmage up Mt Lanayru where she awakens the Queen's Ghost as she nearly freezes to death along the way. Midna meanwhile takes a serious hit from King Dedede during the Colossium Battle, Zelda entering a raging berserker state that allows her to take on Dedede on equal terms.

This has both of them conflicted over the same matter "I'm not the boss of her but I cannot stand seeing her get hurt." Some tension between the two over this, but they resolve it and that's when Midna proposes to Zelda during the Last Voyage (she wanted to earlier, but Zelda reuniting the wayward provinces and Fortunate Gents under her flag along with Kade's death took precedence). Given that everyone's sailing to the apocalypse, the wedding is pretty improvised and takes place on the deck of Wolf of the Seas. Linkle officiates as she's now captain of the ship, Ganondorf's on the organ for the Bridal March, Link and Sheik are the best men, Skull Kid's the ringbearer and Saria called dibs on being the flower girl. During the kiss, that's when Zelda takes the spark of the Night Father's divinity into herself, thus preserving the cosmic balance between both worlds.

This is a momentous occasion in the whole book because first, it's the formal union of Hyrule and the Twilight Realm. But more importantly, the chapter right after this is when the final battle begins and the fate of the world is determined not by gods, but by the mortals who make up the entireity of the world. During the climax when Link dies, Zelda sees the gamble she must make in his stead, Midna tearfully begs her to reconsider, even reciting their wedding vows. Much as Zelda doesn't want to, she knows and accepts that she must make this choice as that is the price of the Triforce.

And so Zelda becomes something more then human, beyond anything on the mortal plane in a last ditch effort to stop the Blood Moon's cataclsymic descent from the sky and Midna can only watch in horror, hoping that she has not lost her beloved again.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Hello, I am an English Major and this is a Pedantic Nitpick about terminology. In Star Trek.

I don't think it's a hot take to say that Star Trek: TNG had a weird but omnipresent relationship with English literary didacticism and narratology (although if that does turn out to be a hot take, RIP this post), which is why the egregious misue of the term "metaphor" in Captain Jean-Luc Picard's iconic line, "That's how you communicate, isn't it? By citing example...by metaphor" is so goddamn baffling and infuriating.

Before we dig into this too much, let's start by defining a few things, because I am an English major and if we start shit BEFORE defining terms, we're basically asking the other English majors to filet us like a head chef with a swordfish (that's a simile--a comparison using like or as--for those of you playing along at home). I'm taking my definitions from MH Abrams's A Glossary of Literary Terms.

Metaphor (under "Figurative Language"): "In a metaphor, a word or expression that in literal usage denotes one kind of thing is applied to a distinctly different kind of things, without resorting to a comparison."

Allusion: "A passing reference, without explicit identification, to a literary or historial person place, or event, or to another literary work or passage."

Imagery: "Its applicationa rage all the way from the 'menta pictures' which, it is sometimes claimed, are experienced by the reader of a poem, to the totality of the of the components that make up a poem."

The key difference between an allusion and a metaphor is that an allusion can effectively be skipped over without detracting from the intended literal meaning of a sentence or passage. Allusions, when used properly, do not impede the meaning of a work for readers who do not know the work to which the allusion refers, but rather adds nuance and additional layers of meaning for those who are familiar with the referent. Conversely, a metaphor has two layers of literal, understandable meaning that are juxtaposed to communicate a similarity.

So right off the bat, the Tamarian language is problematic both in terms of in-universe functioning as a language, and as a didactic narratological tool to teach the masses about figurative language.

I don't want to spend a ton of time on the in-universe issues with figurative language as A Language, but I do want to point out that if you are using things like "Temba, his arms wide" and "Shaka, when the walls fell" as complete sentences, then objectively, from the Tamarian perspective, you're not dealing in allusion anymore. You're not even dealing in metaphor, because each phrase becomes a functional unit of linguistic meaning. Rather than translating to the phrase but in English, a more accurate and functional translation of "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra" would be "Let's be allies against a common enemy." If you really wanted to get stripped down with the language, simply "allyship request" would do it. Functional structuralism would mean that the mental concept of the sign (signified) would be the original allusion to the story of Darmok and Jalad, with the myriad of nuance and details and specifics that come from that narrative, but the signifier itself would be something like "ally" to complete the sign as a unit of meaning that functions to facilitate comprehensive communication. So while allusion might be the etymological history of Tamarian phrasal units of meaning, the Universal Translator shouldn't have had these issues understanding it if the programmers had any sort of English lit majors to consult. The Universal Translator was holding the "the writers need me to be less capable for plot reasons" ball that episode.

Ok, now let's dig into why literally no character in the entire episode actually uses a metaphor. To keep it simple, let's pick on Deanna Troi's example: "Juliet on her balcony." Dr. Crusher actually makes the point in the episode with this example that in and of itself disqualifies the Tamarian phrases as metaphors. She explicitly states that if she didn't know who Juliet was and what she was doing on the balcony that the phrase would be absolutely meaningless. Which is exactly the kind of "blink and you'll miss it" reference that is an allusion, not a metaphor. It's missing the level of literal meaning that is understandable and understood--which is required in a metaphor but not an allusion. It's also not a complete sentence or even a complete unit of meaning. "Juliet on her balcony" is an allusion. So what the heck is a metaphor?

An example of a metaphor comes in Ana and Hans's opus of a duet. As the pair find themselves in increasingly ridiculous situations, they belt to the skies, "Love is an open DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!" Let's metaphor checklist this:

Literal level of meaning? Check.

Figurative level of meaning? Check.

Implied juxtaposition of significantly different things? Check.

Sensical without referecing a historical or literary figure/event/place/work? Check.

Does NOT use like or as or another form of comparison? Check.

To say that love is an open door is to avoid any reference to any historical or literary narrative that a reader would need to understand the gist of the sentece. We know what love is (yes, even Data knows) and we know what an open door is, and what it means symbolically. There is no inherent story in that metaphor. The door is open. You can go through it if you choose. The love is there. Grab it with both hands if you want (although Ana, honey, don't grab that). This is fundamentally not the case with "Juliet on her balcony."

It is also fundamentally not the case with the allusions that the Tamarians use. Not even "Temba, his arms wide" because while wide arms have some very clear meanings in and of itself, there is no implied juxtaposition there, and knowing exactly who Temba is is required for comprehension. So no, no Trek writers, you didn't do metaphors this episode. You did allusions, and you confused the hell out of everyone, to the point where I once actually had to do a lesson on this episode of TNG to clarify the point and stop my students failing the formal literary elements quiz because they thought metaphors were allusions and had no freaking clue what a metaphor was. A student called "Darmok" out BY NAME.

...Ok, well, I asked for an example of a metaphor and got "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra" and then we got derailed for half an hour clarifying this because the sheer number of heads nodding along with that answer terrified me.

[gaycey-sketchit]

WHOMST is your little guy 👀

I am about to ramble so much and vaguely complain about this Situation a bit. Thank you Natalie for this opportunity (genuine).

I was halfway joking about the "you'd never guess" thing because I feel like I am not subtle. Currently the one I'm way too fixated on is. Tracey Sketchit, of all characters. The embodiment of "just some guy", the Ash companion who stuck around the shortest number of episodes before being demoted to extra, who hasn't spoken a single line in about seventeen years, who most of the fandom either barely thinks about the existence of or actively dislikes (even though he has done nothing to deserve this). I love him so much. I can count the number of people I've come across who have him as a fave on one hand, and I'm pretty sure a person could at least very nearly count the fics in his AO3 tag that are actually about him (rather than having him as a background character) on their fingers too. The most common relationship tags in the aforementioned tag don't even include him--they're Ash/Misty and Ash/Gary by a longshot. And that's almost half the tag right there. (I am afraid to check FFNet, because FFNet is where bashfic lives and I know how some parts of the fandom feel/have felt about him.)

The upside to this whole situation is that the handful of people who do love him really love him, so while content is hard to find much of, there's a lot of love in what little exists. This fic is a good example of this, it is so beautifully and lovingly written that I teared up the first time I read it. And the second time.

As for how and why this happened, I... don't really know. He's already been in my top five since my Orange Islands rewatch back in late 2020/early 2021, but he's usually roughly tied for fifth place with Professor Oak rather than consuming all my thoughts. Part of it might be that he contrasts so nicely with Gary, who I find more fun to write than any other character, so they're really fun to write together--you've got this sweet, mild-mannered, normal guy juxtaposed against a loud bratty whirlwind of chaotic energy, it's fun. But I'm also just... deeply charmed by his personality on its own. He might not stand out like the louder and more chaotic company he keeps, but there's just something endearing about how he's sweet and gentle and polite so much of the time, and he's kind of on the shy side, but has moments where he gets really passionate about things and/or gets overexcited to the point of sort of throwing things like tact and common sense out the window. Like how his reaction to the TRio in his debut episode is to get really excited about the talking Meowth and then run right up to these criminals in the middle of doing a crime and try to give Meowth an interview. Also as a fellow creative I find his relationship with his art really relatable--it's clearly such a passion of his that he'll pretty much whip out his sketchbook and start drawing anywhere in any circumstances when inspiration strikes, but he also gets adorably self-conscious about it sometimes. He says early on that it's The Dream to have his sketches evaluated by Professor Oak and when this does happen at the end of Orange Islands, he is so nervous about it he starts shaking hard enough to shake the whole couch he is sitting on (along with Ash and Misty, who have to tell him to calm down). That moment is such a mood, that's exactly how showing your work to someone whose opinion you care a great deal about and waiting for them to say something about it feels (at least in my experience).

In conclusion. I love him.

[writingwithcolor]

Hi I looked through your blog and couldn't find anything but I was wondering if there was an issue with making a hot-headed character Jewish? I saw that there might be an issue if the character was a Jewish women but is it an issue if the character is a Jewish man? I don't want to accidentally perpetuate a stereotype

Hot-headed Jewish man character

Stereotypes about our men tend to be the opposite of “hot-headed” (which I’m interpreting as impulsive and also quick to anger)--existing negative stereotypes like: ”unmasculine, wimpy, nerdy”, or, “crafty, sneaky, plotting.” So I’d say you’re pushing back against existing tropes rather than playing into them. Fine by me! (With the caveat that if this character is not only Jewish but, say, Latino -- be careful that he doesn’t become a hot-headed Latino stereotype.)

--Shira

Like Shira, I don't see this as an issue for a male character. She made an excellent point that this concept runs rather counter to the stereotypes that are commonly held for most Jewish men. There *are* some stereotypes about specifically Israeli men that more closely align to what you are describing, but they are much less known, less commonly used to shame, and shouldn't have an impact on your work, especially if your character is any other nationality. Keep that in mind, along with remaining cautious if your character also belongs to other groups who may be stereotyped in this way.

-- Dierdra

I agree with the other mods, I may be overthinking this but I have a couple of caveats:

1.       “Unmasculine, wimpy, nerdy” is a great summary of one of the common stereotypes – thanks for this, Shira. It’s worth bearing in mind that you can be hot-headed mentally and still meet this description physically. Often, when I see this stereotype used in comedy, the joke is that the Jewish man doesn’t know that this is how the world sees him and is constantly getting into fights he can’t handle, bragging about his physical feats to women whom society would consider to be ‘out of his league’ and so on. As Shira and Dierdra said, a hot-headed character is fine because it’s the opposite of the usual stereotype – the slight risk there is that if you juxtapose stereotypical traits with their opposite, you can make the character even more of a joke.

2.       You don’t mention whether the character is an antagonist, but if he is, please be careful of implicitly offering his Jewishness as an explanation for why he’s so violent and evil. I know that’s not what you’re saying at all, but it’s worth making it extra clear that you’re not because some authors do this!

Hopefully you will be able to work around these minor points and go ahead with this character, as I don’t see any other problems 😊 

--Shoshi

[wowsoboring]

Deconstructing baseless Harry Potter arguments #1: Harmony Edition

There’s a very helpful account on instagram (this instagram page merely gathers toxic harmony shippers, they don’t ship Harmione or hate all Harmione shippers, please don’t send them hate, show them love and support) where you can essentially find stupid fucking bashers who make baseless arguments. I’m all for Harmione shippers, as long as they don’t denounce Romione, bash Ron and just peacefully co-exist. To my pleasure, such people are out there: they just dont seem to be seen as often as the ones that are not nice. Maybe all I see is the mean people and the majority is nice, but in this post, I am attacking those who make baseless claims and bash Ron/Romione/Hinny/Ginny. I don’t myself hate all Harmione shippers. On top of that, as a Romione/Ron fan, i do acknowledge Ron’s character flaws along with Hermione’s and I hold them on the same pedestal.

This is copied directly from my own instagram page, granger.weasley_ on ig.

Anyways let's get deconstructing

1)

rebuttal:

Yeah okay mf; maybe don’t compare real-life relationships with fucking fictional ones. Your relationship going wrong has nothing to do with Ron/Hermione. It has everything to do with you and your ex: the *real life* people involved in it.

2)

rebuttal:

The weird subreddits and discord servers also seem to have a lot of die-hard Harmione “non-canon” shippers. They bash Ron and Romione (along with Ginny and Hinny) with a burning passion without any objective sense of remorse. They ignore all the merits of Ron’s character and bash him to push their agenda. They can’t even do so much as fucking acknowledge any of Hermione’s character flaws but still somehow manage to fixate on that one time when 11 year old Ron just shit-talked one line while Hermione had just publicly humiliated him in front of the Charms class and practically shouted at him for doing the spell wrong just before. I personally don’t because Hermione was 11 too and wasn’t that good at social cues that early on, which is more than okay. Neither am I.

Only a few people in the Romione fandom bash Hermione. And it’s not like Harmione shippers (most, not all!) don’t bash Ron and Ginny remorselessly, right? The fucking hypocrisy.

If someone considers Ron as the best member of the trio, it is their own opinion and not a fact. I do that. If you consider Harry and Hermione as the best member of the trio or in the whole wizarding world, most people don’t give a flying fuck and probably won’t argue with you because it is simply an opinion. That will only happen when you pass that off as a fact.

Statistically speaking, most (not FUCKING all) Harmione moments are in the movies. The weird dance scene especially. The passionate kiss that happens in Ron’s vision, shit like that. Ron is pushed to the sidelines in the last set of movies while Harry and Hermione show each other endless love and support. “I’ll go with you”. The books on the other hand, describe Harry and Hermione as siblings multiple times, with very little Harmione references.

3)

rebuttal:

So you don't want us to fixate on the large majority of Harmione shippers who do the exact same thing, just kissing Hermione's and Harry's ass and hating on Ron. However you will fixate on people who are most likely not EVEN bashing or hating but pointing out a few character flaws in Hermione in a fair and unbiased way. I would know, I'm a huge fan of Hermione as an individual character (in the books). The only criticism I've seen of Hermione to this day has not been bashing. In the comment section of my own fics (shameless plug) I've seen some Hermione bashing. On an ao3 comment section. And I've seen so damn fucking many people bashing Ron, Ginny, the Weasleys etc. and garner tens and thousands of upvotes on quora.

What does Ron even need excusing for? The running away incident and Krum. What does Hermione need excusing for? Canaries, contributing to Ron's insecurities by making him jealous through Cormac and Krum even though she didn't even like them (especially not Cormac, she fucking hated him). Ron wore a locket that literally highlighted his fatal flaw (insecurity) in an echo chamber. Harry kept getting annoyed when Ron wanted to check in on his family. Harry asked Ron to leave; Ron didn't say that shit in the books about Harry's parents being dead: that was plain shock value.

And sorry for repeating myself but I have seen quite a few Harmione shippers bash Ron and Ginny and excuse every single thing Harry and Hermione have done.

4)

37 upvotes on this weird comment that makes no sense? Echo chamber alert! You know what us Romione/Ron fans all have in common? We have never experienced such an echo chamber. I made a pro Ron/Romione post on reddit and got a considerable amount of people who bashed Ron and Romione in the comments.

The amount of Hermione haters is very few compared to Ron bashers. Nobody hates Hermione for being independent, determined, etc. We dislike perfect movie Hermione who’s an unrealistic image of females and seems like some sort of agenda than a real woman. Most Romione shippers/Ron fans and book fans in general (except for you apparently) dislike movie Hermione and still are fans of realistic book Hermione. Most, not all. In general, we do not claim anyone who does the exact same thing to Harry and Hermione that these sorts of Harmione shippers do to Ron, Romione, Hinny and Ginny. I say this on the behalf of all Romione shippers and Ron fans.

Ron's not a bitchy lay-about drama causing loser. That's Steve Kloves's movie Ron. In the books Ron is realistic and simplistic and apologizes whenever he causes problems. He acts up substantially twice in a span of 7 years where he is also a hormone-fuelled teenager.

This is so contradictory and juxtaposed to the point of near delusion. First you talk about how Romione shippers bash Hermione and then you bash Ron as a Harmione shipper. Mate, fighting fire with fire will get you called a hypocrite. Fix yourself.

5)

So the movies are fine when they work according to your agenda? And yes how dare he add such a (fake) chemistry fuelled moment between Harry and Hermione while defeating the entire purpose and groundwork for Romione, the sadness caused by Ron leaving and so many more things? Those Harmione moments you mention seem friendship -esque more than anything else.

Steve Kloves's moments ruined many things while just paying fan service to the Harmione fans he'd birthed through years in the course of 6 movies where he showed Ron as a, how you so eloquently describe it, lay - about drama causing bitchy loser, Harry as one dimensional and Hermione as a zero - dimensional Mary Sue who might as well be the main titular character. Obviously Harmione fans such as yourself don't see the problem with it as it fits your narrative

6)

We do care about Harry and Hermione at large. Most Romione shippers rightfully bash Draco, Pansy, etc. not particularly Harry and Hermione, that's quite rare. Harry and Hermione can get along without Ron as friends. Ron and Harry can also get along without. Hermione as friend. So can Hermione and Ron without Harry as friends or more. I don't understand your point and how what you said is any different than Romione or Ronarry’s friendship.

7)

Constant arguing is not what they do. They bicker, they apologize, and sometimes they just do it for the heck of it. They are argumentative teenager. Opposites attract doesn't work in the sense of fire and ice, it works in the case of Brownie and ice-cream. Ron is passionate, laid back and insecure. Hermione's passionate, a workaholic and not as insecure. Ron can help her get calm and composed and get her to give herself a break. Hermione can motivate Ron and re - enforce his confidence.

It wouldn't be step incest. Harry and Ginny do not regard each other as siblings. They do not look similar whatsoever. And a Harmione shipper also bashes Hinny and Ginny along with Ron and Romione? Checks out

" that fucked up Harmony" hahaha. What?

8)

Are you literally going to date someone on the basis of what Harry Potter ships they prefer? That is so shallow end depraved. Your Harry Potter ship preferences should not be the groundwork for your dating life. Please understand that. Harry Potter is a fictional world which is not real. Hogwarts doesn't exist. Magic doesn't exist. I sound like a Dursley but that's what it is: a fictional realm with fictional character. I would personally not give a fuck if my best friend or significant other was a Harmione shipper. In the case of them being a Ron basher, I would ignore it as if it was just a minor inconvenience and something we wouldn't be discussing and that's how it should be with you. Fuck BuzzFeed, your opinion on what Harry Potter ship / character is your favorite says squat about your personality and relationship with others in a romantic or platonic context. But who cares? Live your life however you want. I'll be stoic.

9)

It's not opposites attract rubbish or high school opposites attract. Ron and Hermione aren't polar opposites like I said, they are a bit different but similar too in many ways. They have a lot more in common than Harry and Hermione. Ron and Harry have the most in common. Both Ron and Hermione are passionate, loving, argumentative, caring, etc. Your argument lacks substance. It's biased trash. And what does “obhwf " mean?

---------------------------------

at the end of the day, i’m just an annoyed teenager. I try my best to be open-minded to people but only as long as they are too. I tried to use my brain more than my feelings for this post. 

[japes-the-clown]

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE: AN INVERSION ON “COMING OF AGE” FILMS AND A CRITICISM OF ADULTHOOD

Hi hello hey it’s me Jericho Jay “Japes” Marshall out here with a pretentious love letter to the filmmaking on display in nickelodeons The Spongebob Movie. Yes, I know it’s a kids movie. Yes, I know it’s not that deep. But I’m majoring in english, and deeply depressed, so I need to get this OUT and onto a PAGE.

I have watched this film many times over my lifetime, a few when i was just a kid, then in my early teens, even when i turned eighteen, and now, a month before i turn 20. Every time, I grow a new appreciation for the nuances that this movie brings to the table, and on my most recent watch my own deliverance from childhood makes me relate to the core themes the hardest I ever have. The Spongebob Movie isn’t just a movie about childhood, but a movie about adulthood.

Today, I’m going to make clear exactly how The Spongebob Squarepants Movie criticizes our understanding of adulthood and how society treats the neurodivergent, while effectively turning the “Coming of Age” genre on its head, within its 87 minute runtime.

START: CONSISTENT CHARACTERIZATION

One thing a lot of films (ESPECIALLY kids films) fail to nail is consistently showing aspects of a character throughout the runtime, enough that changes to a character feel impactful and justified instead of rushed and stifled. The best examples of movies that fail to do this are often the marvel movies that people tend to not remember- the first two thor movies, the avengers age of ultron, etc. In these movies, characters certainly have traits, but their personalities and motives can be very weak and make dramatic changes feel A LOT less dramatic. This can be seen in age of ultron, when quicksilver gave his own life to save someone else, which felt like nothing because he wasn't well developed. He wasn't particularly endearing, nor did him sacrificing his life contradict a part of his character. It felt very much like the writers trying to say "Look, this character which was once opposing the avengers, is now dying for one. Please cry." No hate to the writers of Age of Ultron, but it proves itself often to be an unmemorable part of the catalogue.

In the Spongebob Movie, the characterization is ON. POINT. After the introduction, with the pirates rushing in to watch spongebob, we get so much information regarding spongebob as a character.

Pictured: Spongebob holding a piece of cheese like an operator

The first scene of the plot is a dream sequence a large crowded scene at the Krusty Krab, with a customer not receiving cheese on his patty, and it being positioned in the same way as a bomb being located. In the dream, everyone is panicked, and Mr. Krabs is visibly distressed, almost like a damsel. Spongebob comes in, announcing his position as manager, much to the relief of Krabs. He goes in, and puts cheese on the burger (again, very akin to a bomb defusal scene), bringing the perturbed customer out safe and sound. Everyone lifts spongebob up as a hero, which is interrupted by his boat alarm.

This scene is JAM PACKED with stuff that both introduces the character to new watchers and introduces the crux of his arc to everyone else. Spongebob of course is very fond of the Krusty Krab, and wants to be the manager- he wants people to see him as cool, and as a responsible adult. He wants to be the sort of person that can be trusted with big responsibilities. And we also see, most importantly, that he is extremely childish through his faximile of what it meant to be adult. Everything is scaled up; it's a very silly situation, which well suits both the joke and his character as an inexperienced kid. This is one of the most direct ways to convey someone's character, because a dream can be interpreted as a direct port into a character's desires. This being the first introduction to the character in the movie sets the tone for EVERY following situation.

In the next few scenes you see Spongebob's real life, which involves his lengthy morning routine; his life is sort of whimsical, and so too is his routine. He showers by shoving a hose into himself till he bursts with water, he uses toothpaste to clean his eyes but not his teeth, and he puts on pants which he must fold to make. Again, all pretty solid jokes, but also very telling about his outlook. He is funny, weird, and childish, which is juxtaposed by the scene where he's- he's uh- showering with squidward. Squidward is an example of the "adult" that spongebob isn't. This has always been the case, but here his normal routine makes it very clear that other people in this world aren't like spongebob. They shower normally, they brush their teeth, they put their clothes on like normal. Spongebob's world is one of wonder and without responsibility, which makes it questionable as to whether he could handle one.

Pictured: Spongebob's room, adorned with childhood imagery

Pictured: Spongebob celebrating his position as a manager, despite Krabs saying that it was squidward who got it

Even his room in this scene screams "kid". He has toys strewn about, glow in the dark stars, and pictures of superheroes on the wall. He even says "Sorry about this calendar" as he rips a page, personifying inanimate objects as a kid would. The movie is telling you, "THIS CHARACTER IS A KID", but in a way that's masked because it's also just a set up for jokes. It's done so well, in my opinion, that it would go over your head because from your perspective you would be laughing along as spongebob did his wacky antics.

On top of that, his excitement for his assured managerial position at the Krusty Krab 2 continues to be bolstered. He marked it off with a cute drawing on his calendar, for those familiar he changes his normal "I'm ready" chant to "I'm ready- promotion-", and he's even already set up a party to celebrate at his favorite chain, Goofy Goobers, a child's entertainment restaurant similar to chucky cheese, albeit replacing pizza for ice cream. He hasn't just gotten excited, but has this childish anticipation for something which isn't even assured.

Spongebob arrives at the opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where he is so excited he can't contain his glee. He breaks the silence and makes members of the crowd uncomfortable, reinforcing again that spongebob is a standout in a world of adults, and a kid who doesn't understand certain social norms, which society looks down upon. When Krabs reveals that Squidward got the managerial position, Spongebob hyped himself so much that he starts celebrating, not even noticing that he wasn't picked. He gets on stage, and begins to give a speech, to which Krabs interrupts.

The next part I think best illustrates Spongebob's clear ignorance to society: Krabs attempts to subtly tell spongebob that he isn't getting the job, but spongebob repeats everything he says into the microphone. Again, fantastic joke, grade A, but the amount this shows how invested spongebob was. He already saw himself as an adult, someone who everyone would look up to as a manager- he could take the responsibility, and isn't aware of everyone likely cringing in the audience. This is the natural step for him in his mind, especially because of his exemplary work which had been previously celebrated through employee of the month awards. This was not an option for him. There wasn't a world in his mind where he would be outclassed by squidward.

Krabs has to break to him that he lacks responsibility, and that his childishness makes it difficult for Krabs to give him such a job. This might seem harsh, but I think the intro again shows how Spongebob saw the job; he didn't understand what it would be like, fantasizing another level in the menial work structure to be an amazing adventure of a job. People in the crowd reaffirm that in the eyes of society, spongebob is just a kid, a goofball. In my eyes, this is a story not just of childhood, but of neurodivergence. Spongebob isn't normal, and is blocked by society for his ignorance of social norms and sunny disposition. He finds things fun that other people can not, and he places values in completely different things. So he is blocked from the meaningful recognition he desired, despite the obvious evidence of his commitment.

I think this is a mighty interesting dichotomy!!! Simultaneously, spongebob's understanding of the world truly is warped, often resulting in a lack of consideration for others as well as harm for himself when things don't go his way, AND he is a good worker which puts in MANY hours of work without so much of a complaint. This is COMPLEX. You have to ask yourself, as a viewer, "would I give spongebob the job?" The answer can be different and can be REASONED.

And that's JUST spongebob! There are other characters with characterization that mixes into the themes of the movie very well, but I'm going to bring up any related points in future sections.

Okay, Okay. So now you're saying "WOW OKAY GREAT so why does any of this matter?" I'm so glad you asked. VERY glad.

2: THE BREAKING OF A YOUNG MAN'S SPIRIT

THIS is the point of the movie. The obstacle in this movie truly isn't adulthood, but instead self doubt. Spongebob's whole world is turned upside down by Krab's rejection of his basic personality. Spongebob asks himself: is it REALLY okay to be who I am? Am I an adult? Is the world fair? One of the most shocking scenes in the movie is blended so well in tone with the rest that you don't really notice; spongebob eating ice cream to cope with his disappointment, akin to that of adults drinking alcohol, and appearing to be visually "drunk" and washed up. This is BRILLIANT, and a recurring theme, where the true line between adult and childhood becomes blurry and impossible to see. Spongebob, the representation of a kid, gets hungover, spiteful, and angry about the injustice of his situation. This is often how adults act in the fact of adversity, but what's funny is that this too is how a kid would act; getting angry and overindulging, feeling entitled and acting socially immature when he didn't get what he wanted. He walks in to the Krusty Krab literally just to shit talk Krabs. And it doesn't stop there.

Pictured: Plankton finding "Plan Z" and looking at it like a centerfold in a playboy magazine

Almost every character in this movie juxtaposes another, again smearing the line of what it means to be an adult. For example, Spongebob and Plankton are polar opposites; plankton is cold and vengeful, angry at the world around him, and spongebob is a happy person who tends not to take things personally, a friend to all. In planktons first appearances in the movie, he is portrayed with clear adult themes, mocking spongebob, making pinup jokes about plan z, and living in a fairly dark and grey space. But, as the story moves along, we see many similarities; both spongebob and plankton are fairly one track minded, and when spongebob's perception is broken he himself gets a little vengeful. When eugene is put in danger over this, though, we do see that he places the lives of others over his own wants. And, even at the end of the movie, we see their similarities. Plankton reuses the "Sorry Calendar" joke that spongebob used at the start of the movie, drawing another line of what it means to be an adult. Is it childish of plankton to say that? Is the inherent irony he has impactful here? His want for something that isn't his, and his disregard for others in pursuing it feels just like how a younger child may steal the toy of another, without understanding what it means to share.

Pictured: Neptune flipping his shit at his lost crown

Then, there's the character of Neptune. Neptune is a big man baby. He rules the entire land, commands the most respect, and is considered the most powerful person under the sea, and yet, we see that he gets overprotective of his property, prepared to execute anyone who even annoys him. Throughout the film, he's obsessed with chasing an image of youth, as he is bald, and ignores the suffering of the people on bikini bottom to make sure no one sees his bald head. He throws what's equivalent to a tantrum when he finds his crown is missing, and believes a very crude note written by plankton saying that it was eugene who stole it. His character is an "acceptable" child because he's in a position of power, where spongebob is an "unacceptable" child as he is just a working class member of society. And the funniest part is, that he mocks spongebob for wanting to go for the crown, when even he, the strongest person in bikini bottom, refuses to go out of fear.

We see that these "bastions" of adulthood, plankton and neptune, are the ones who are responsible for missteps of society; we're ALL children in the long run, but the strict enforcement of a perceived true adulthood creates a space where they can act immaturely yet those under them/around them cannot. Dennis makes this case even more, as the only thing he does in this movie is hurt others. There's only one thing that seems to truly denote adulthood, and it's cruelty.

Even squidward, the adult that is supposed to be more responsible that spongebob, refuses to go on the quest to retrieve the crown, as he acts mostly in self interest, even later claiming to only care that plankton was stealing the secret formula as it was hurting his own paycheck.

Spongebob is the only one willing to go, willing to defend the man who wronged him, willing to value life over his own interests. He is both child and adult, just as the adults are too children.

As he moves through the plot of this film, he becomes less confident in his disposition, with his naivete causing moments like him and patrick crossing the state line and immediately getting carjacked, or them being put into an uncomfortable situation by all the bubbles they blew when they tried to get their car back. His bright personality is questioned constantly: Only five days to shell city? BY CAR. This is man's country. But weren't we the double bubble blowing babies?

Pictured: Spongebob caught trying to take back the key to the patty wagon when patrick fails to distract everyone

This is made more obvious to him as patrick remains oblivious throughout; patrick is a mirror for him, that acts as a childhood constant, that makes it clearer for him every day the draws of his childishness. There's the moment in the club where patrick's distraction was poorly thought out, and only because he said he wanted to do it adamantly, there's the moment where patrick challenged neptune on how many days they would have to do it, which served no purpose but for his own fun, there's the moment patrick points out the free ice cream trap- he is the unemployed uncritical lens that spongebob is afraid he is.

So everything's fucked, and anyone who is childish is bad i guess!!!

But that isn't so,

3: The illusion of manhood

So we've talked about spongebob's characterization as a naive child, how this is impactful in his transformation into someone who is anxious about that aspect of his personality, and how the society around him is hypocritical in it's own immaturity. But where does this all come together?

Pictured: Planktons dystopian world, which Mindy shows Spongebob and Patrick

It's at spongebob and patricks "conversion to manhood". At his lowest point, spongebob becomes a squidward- he becomes critical of his AND patricks interests, and regards them as childish, deciding that this means that they can't make it to shell city, as it requires them to be adults. When mindy shows them the dire situation back home, she hopes that spongebob's sunny personality and care for others would shine through, but instead he turns to what society has been telling him; it's impossible. He can't do it, he's just a little kid, and there is no point to any of this as he'll fail regardless.

Thinking about it like this, it truly is one of the darkest points in the entire series; spongebob just openly admitted that there was nothing he could do, that all of his friends were goners because he was effectively useless.

Mindy comes up with an idea; she'll trick spongebob and patrick into believing they're men; she convinces them of mermaid magic (their innocence allowing them to believe) and uses kelp to make them think they've matured into adults. Notice that physical modifiers being the only key to this "fake adulthood". With this, they jump off a cliff because they believe that with adulthood, they are invincible.

This is really telling about how the society they're in thinks of being an adult, and relays that to children. There's another level, a distinct separation between spongebob and adulthood, which seemed like the difference between a squire and a knight- being an adult means that you aren't weak anymore (as though he was weak in the first place), and thus you can do things you never thought before. Is it truly healthy that this is how a society tells kids that adulthood is like, for them to enter the world and feel a truly awful financial and literal hellscape waiting for them? uh, you can, you can decide that for yourself i think.

Nonetheless, they survive the fall, and conclude that they really are invincible, able to power through a ravine with their happy go lucky attitude, eventually befriending the monsters which were once trying to kill them. They weren't acting like adults, but the labels themselves made it possible for them to soldier on with the childlike disposition they had. I find that to be powerful. If we were able to be more hopeful as adults, and power through the worst things brightly, could we do great things? Idk but these depression meds sure do taste good nom nom

After crossing the ravine, spongebob and patrick meet dennis, and have their worldview crushed as it's revealed that they are actually still kids. Dennis being the "alpha male" that he is, is characterized by violence and a lack of morality. The pair are saved by a giant boot, which is the first of two humans in this movie. Spongebob and patrick are both taken by the man in the diver suit, as we fade to black, marking the end of their illusion of adulthood.

4: Back from the Edge (of death)

Spongebob and Patrick awaken in an antique shop, realizing that they were surrounded by fish that had been killed specifically for sale as tacky antiques. They are lifted out of their fishbowl, and put under a heatlamp, as their fate is sealed to become a member among those dead fish. In spongebob's final moments, he mourns his inability to be an adult, as well as to reach shell city; but before they both die, patrick points out that they truly did reach shell city, as the crown was within their reach.

This. This is a phenomenal scene. Why? Because of what it means for spongebob's arc.

Pictured: Spongebob and Patrick on their deathbeds, finding happiness

He sees the crown, and realizes that, unequivocally, that even if he didn't bring the crown back, he made it to shell city. Every person he met told him that he couldn't even do that. and he did it. He is a kid, yes, but he's a kid who went where not even NEPTUNE dared go. Everything people said about him, about how him being a kid stopped him from success, was suddenly shattered. He has been asking himself if it's okay that he is a kid, and he saw, unambiguously, that it is. He is allowed to be happy. He can enjoy things that other people don't. He can be naive. He can be himself, no matter what anyone says. And so can you. Great things can be done by people who are "childish", who are "naive", who are kind without expecting a return, all of it. YOU are okay. Your stims are okay, your comfort series are okay, your interest in tropes are okay, YOU'RE OKAY!!!!

with that, spongebob and patrick are dehydrated on the table, and ostensibly die, the kids that they are, shedding one final tear each, forming a heart beneath them.

...

Miraculously, the tear electrocutes that lamp at it's socket, causing smoke to rise and set off the sprinklers, rehydrating the pair, and bringing them back to life. The "Man in the Suit" attempts to capture them, seeing them about to lift Neptune's crown, but the rest of the dehydrated fish come back to life- squirting him with his own glue and beating him to the ground, as spongebob and patrick run out with the crown. David Hasselhoff offers them a ride back to Bikini Bottom, and the pair begin their ride back.

5: The confrontation of Adulthood and Childhood

Pictured: Dennis looking all lame and shit

As spongebob and patrick are being swam back to bikini bottom, the boot under which dennis was crushed rockets to Hasselhoff, spitting him back out to finish the job. The appearance of Dennis, IN MY OPINION, makes him look rather goofy, with his broken glasses making him look more like a office worker than a badass assassin as he attempts to kill spongebob and patrick. Spongebob, in trying to reason with him, is able to ruin his eyes with bubbles, and then survives as dennis gets hit by a raised platform which spongebob and patrick are too low to be hit by.

Having defeated one representation of adulthood, spongebob and patrick are shot down by HasselHoffs MASSIVE MAN TITS with the crown in order to prevent Krab's fate, blocking Neptune's lazer just in time as they crash in.

All seems to be well, but plankton uses one of his mind control helmets (which we'll be getting into later) to enslave even Neptune, putting mindy, spongebob, patrick, and Krabs against the wall.

In another stark moment of characterization, Spongebob tells patrick that "Plankton Cheated", which prompts plankton to tell spongebob that the situation wasn't a kiddy game, and that it was the real world. This sort of distinctions in their ethos tell you how spongebob interacts with justice; he believes in "playing fair", while plankton is bitter and believes in getting what he wants.

Finally, the apex to our plot, is a musical number. Spongebob begins to make a long-winded speech, where he takes ownership of every label he was called as he stood on the stage at the beginning, the similarity between the two events being clear (holding a microphone at an inappropriate time, making a speech as he blocks out input from an adult trying to talk him down). Spongebob then busts out into the film's rendition of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock", "I'm a Goofy Goober". This results in spongebob reversing plankton's whole plot with "the power of rock and roll". Plankton is made powerless, and thrown into a little padded cell.

The final scene in the movie has Mr. Krabs freed from his imprisonment in ice, and spongebob is offered squidwards position as manager of the second Krusty Krab. He seems hesitant, and squidward offers an insightful analysis of what spongebob might be feeling (the typical analysis of a coming of age movie, where the protagonist finds out that what they wanted all along is not what they wanted, but it was what was inside all along). Spongebob refutes that squidwards fly was just down, and GLADLY accepts the job.

AND THAT'S THE MOVIE

6: AN INVERSION ON THE COMING OF AGE GENRE

A coming of age story tends to be one which is focus on the growth of a character from childhood to adulthood, asking questions about what it means to be an adult. A character reaches for their perceived adulthood, and realizes what it means to ACTUALLY be an adult, typically juxtaposing what people think (drugs, parties, sex) versus what the movie postures as the correct adulthood (responsibility). In this, I think that the spongebob movie directly criticizes the position of what "an adult" is, in the sense of how someone acts.

Like we discussed in part 2, every adult character in this movie tends to be very childish in themselves, unable to see through simple ruses, and often very possessive of personal property. I don't think we actually see a child in this movie as a speaker at any point, only really as background characters (in goofy goobers to solidify spongebob as childish, and I believe in the chum bucket as they're lead to an unsafe place by their parents, who are supposed to be responsible). Thus, what is mostly examined is how adulthood and childhood is a very thin line. Squidward, for example, going directly to plankton to accuse him of stealing the formula, instead of taking it to the top immediately, which would have ended this whole thing fairly quickly; that was rather silly, and was the fruit of his need to assert himself as an adult.

Spongebob goes through this movie FIRST not caring much about whether or not he was an adult, and it is only after the social pressure from adults does he start to chase it. He then chases his perceived image of an adult, going on an adventure, and is crushed by the fact that he isn't an adult. Instead of finding what an adult is, he instead becomes comfortable with his existence as a child, finding himself at the end of the movie able to comfortably chase after an ideal again, where in a normal movie he would humbly reject the job he was offered.

This is, truly, what we should all take from this film. Spongebob realizes that people who aren't necessarily socially adjusted or acceptable can do great things, regardless of what the people around them say, especially because the people around them are liable to throw tantrums and be actively harmful to society. He is allowed to find comfort in childish things, and to be naive, because the world needs more people willing to help others. It's a scathing criticism on the imposed adulthood that exists in a lot of coming of age films, which begs us to drop fun in the interest of doing the right thing, as though those two ideas are contradictory.

BONUS: EXTRA STUFF THAT I LIKED

The goofy goober song became really good storytelling, at first marking childishness, then marking a level of discomfort and judgement in the club, then marking spongebob recognizing that his happiness came from what he liked and not some vague idea of adulthood, and finally marking his full acceptance of his childishness, taking the form of rock, the music of rebellion. It's not as subtle as leitmotifs, but it works really well in how the same song can give very different feelings throughout, and inform how we interact with a story.

There are a lot more examples of adults being pressured into childishness, with the connected twins who liked goofy goober at the club, who were beaten senseless for absolutely no reason, which highlights the way that the society hurts people that, by all means, are just as much adults as anyone else. There's of course Plankton's helmets which created a society of people who simply slaved away with nothing to say, taking life as it came and listening to authority.

On top of that, this movie is PRETTY ANTICAPITALIST AND ANTIMONARCHY, despite those things being allowed to continue to exist at the end- monarchy is seen misusing power constantly and often for unfounded reasons, and Spongebob's diligence at work is rejected by a penny pinching Krabs, who cares only about money. Like, THE KRUSTY KRABS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER? THAT IS SOME MONTY PYTHON ASS SHIT. This year is the first year i laughed at that joke, because it's really some "capitalists are fucking dumb as shit" humor that slipped over my head when i was a kid. The villain literally being defeated by Rock and Roll, which was sung with a message against the oppression of differences in people? Yeah, I think the spongebob movie hated rich mother fuckers.

END: UH YEAH THAT'S WHAT IT IS

So yeah. The movie is good I think. There's a lot more i could go into, but I've been writing this post for hours and at this point i haven't even read it so...

I recommend going back and giving this film a rewatch!!! Pay attention to all the moments where adults act like children/kids act like adults, because it'll make ur brain pop like a zit. Anyways that's me, I'm Jericho Jay "Japes" Marshall, and I HATE facism.

[terubakudan]

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi - Book Review and Impressions

(light reflection) Perfect :D Hoping Tumblr doesn't flag me for this xD

Ok, I'm going to start this off with 'this is probably the first and only book review I'm going to do' xD Because I rarely do read books now, and just as rarely buy them. Also, I would have preferred to buy the English version but alas they only had the Chinese version in stock ^^"

Stumbling upon this on the Internet, I was immediately compelled to buy this, as if I knew I would love it and that Nagata's story would resonate with me.

【Short Version】 I can't recommend this book enough, it doesn't matter what sexuality you are or from what culture are you. Nagata makes sure to tell an honest and 'naked' (without embellishments) portrait of her own personal experiences. How she herself is a college drop-out (having only graduated from high school), pushed herself to live/work while struggling with depression and eating disorders, not being sure of what she wants and feeling that she doesn't 'deserve' things, realizing her own sexuality in that she likes girls, and just not feeling 'good enough'...all through her cutesy and unassuming art style.

I will say again though, cutesy art style aside, the book deals with some very heavy topics. Nagata is very honest and doesn't shy away from the gritty details, and I admire her all the more for doing so. Many yaoi and yuri comics often portray an unrealistic and fetishistic view of the LGBTQ+ community whereas Nagata's story is much more grounded and sincere. This is not an easy read, but it's not an overly depressive one either. Nagata literally struggled for years with her mental health, but ultimately found light on the other side. Not mainly through the help of others, but through her own choice to forgive and love herself.

5/5⭐ Definitely recommend and would read again. And if I could, I'd give Nagata a big hug and a heartfelt 'thank you' for sharing her story.

【Long Version】 While it's written primarily from an Asian (particularly Japanese) perspective, Nagata's experiences are ones that should resonate with anyone who has been through the same or similar things, regardless of one's personal background. And I myself, while being fortunate enough to not have gone through eating disorders or self harm, am no exception.

I grew up in an Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese Filipino) household, while my parents weren't Tiger Parents (no offense but fuck Amy Chua for thinking that's a proper way of raising your children), they still had certain expectations on their children: to find a good husband/wife, have a good education, have a 'stable' career, etc. And while I love my parents very much, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any times where I felt they were smothering me, there weren't any times where they kept on nagging and bugging me for very trivial details. My biggest pet peeve: guilt-tripping me just for wanting to spend time alone.

"For me, my parents' opinion of me is absolute." (NOTE: While I won't be providing exact translations of the excerpts I used here, I'll do my best to summarize the gist of them.)

At the same time, I cared very much about their opinion of me. I made it a point to do well in school, to do things according to their wishes, and just like Nagata, I didn't know what I wanted. This even extended to caring about others' opinion of me, more than my own. In my freshman year of college, I 'went along' with being friends with someone, who while was nice to me, turned out to be a manipulative bitch skilled in passive-aggressiveness xD Being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, it was hard to fit in since people always treated me differently, it didn't occur to me I could be choosy with friends, I thought as long as they were 'nice' to me, that would do.

Asian culture is largely a collective one, where we define ourselves by our relationships with others, compared with Western culture (primarily America, I'll be using America as a reference point) where individualism is absolute, where you define yourself as you like. In Asia, it's also normal for children to still live in the same house as their parents well into adulthood, compared with Americans who are expected to move out the house once they finish high school or start college, and they're quite literally 'on their own', having to pay their own tuition, rent, etc. Where I live (Taiwan), it's normal for adults to continue relying on their parents financially well until college. Nagata for instance, while saying her parents really make her feel so pressured, is grateful that she still had a home to stay in (and she's 28!).

If you ask me though, neither a collectivist culture or an individualist culture is absolutely good nor bad. Each have their own pros and cons, and both Asian culture and Western culture could learn a thing or two from each other.

After going through quite a few job applications, one of the interviewers tells her "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) after Nagata tells her what she really wants is to be a manga artist.

And sometimes that's all we need really, a small gesture or kind remark can do wonders. Even if there's no base or reason for it, it's something worth believing in.

I often have doubts if I'm doing what I really want, if I chose the right major for college, if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm 'good enough'. I didn't grow up with much self-esteem as a kid, and often derived my value from others. But even at my lowest times, a 'you're doing ok' was very reassuring to me, be it from family, strangers, or people I care about. Sometimes that's exactly what we need, it may be small but it could be the difference between continuing to wallow in depression or re-evaluating and choosing to be better to oneself.

I find it's really important to know, that however alone you may feel sometimes, there are other people out there going through the exact same thing. It's something universal, and while a lot of things are really unfair in life, each person has their own lot or burden to deal with. I have a Taiwanese friend who, while being more financially well-off than me, has terrible parents. And I mean parents who are quite so literally toxic, unsupportive of her, and would outright say the worst things to their own daughter.

How depression and anxiety can feel sometimes, we can literally feel like it's impossible to breathe and be in a state of disconnection from the world.

"The sounds that invaded my ears occupied my empty brain, making me unable to think at all."

If you only did what your parents asked you to do, wouldn't days like those be very painful? In the end, only you can understand what you really want.

Nagata's art style is one I would describe as simple, cute, and effective. I personally think had her story been drawn in a more serious style, it would have been even harder to read, much less finish. It's also a choice that has artistic appeal to me, serious subject matter juxtaposed with a 'kawaii' art style.

Nagata also depicts very well her mental state and thoughts throughout her struggle and journey to self-actualization. Depression is a really tough thing to deal with, and sometimes we don't even realize that we have it or if we do, refuse to acknowledge it. In Asian cultures especially, mental health has always been something of a taboo subject and there is a very heavy social stigma associated with it. Nagata herself even said that her parents seemingly refused to acknowledge that their daughter's mental health was in a state of distress. In Japan, there is a concept called gaman (我慢), which is described as 'enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity', and while it is portrayed as an ideal virtue that inspires perseverance, it can be a source of heavy pressure for others. Gaman also means that you are expected to suppress whatever emotion or negative feelings you have, often for the sake of others and no matter how tough the situation becomes for you. And while I agree that through gaman you can become more selfless for others, it shouldn't have to come at the expense of your own well-being.

I was quite fortunate to have grown up in a more liberal Asian household, but even when it came to mental health, our family also adopted the same kind of attitude towards it, by carrying on as if nothing was wrong, or just not talking about it. And to be honest, there were numerous times I wished we had been more open about what was bothering ourselves at that time. Talking and being open about your feelings is not a 'weakness' but something incredibly brave to do, and it's my wish for that to slowly become more acceptable in Asian cultures, which I know is kind of a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to hope.

Nagata makes the decision to clean herself up, by taking a bath everyday, habitually exercising, and no longer wearing worn-out clothes.

Depression especially can be a bitch. It deprives you even of your physiological needs, like your need for food. Nagata had to struggle with that on top of eating disorders for a long ten years. She ate so little and even felt that she didn't 'deserve' to eat, and at one point, anorexia became hyperphagia, and she would feel so guilty for eating almost expired/expired food. Things that would otherwise be simple to do also end up becoming difficult/impossible to do, like taking care of your personal hygiene, getting up from bed, doing simple tasks etc.

Thankfully, after Nagata realizes that she never truly 'valued herself', she starts to turn over a new leaf. Even just starting with cleaning herself up, she takes this as a form of 'valuing oneself' and her mood starts to improve, which her family also points out. In the end, taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it can even make you a better person who is there for others.

Nagata meets up with the female escort she hired, as a means to experience human sexuality, which she had always repressed her curiosity for and treated as a taboo subject. (NOTE: And I'm glad that she met a really nice girl for her first time too!)

Sex and sexuality is also a subject that I feel is hard to talk about sometimes, which I think also owes itself to most Asian cultures being relatively conservative about it. I myself have only recently identified as bisexual, which I attribute to internalized homophobia, not wanting to admit I was into girls too. And to be honest, 'coming out' is something I'm still uncomfortable about, because I don't want to risk my relationship with my family and it's still something I would choose to be selective about with colleagues and friends. I'm grateful though that as crazy the Internet can be sometimes, it can be quite accepting and tolerant towards things that we wouldn't otherwise discuss with even the closest people in our circle. Nagata's memoir ended up capturing the hearts of many readers ever since she first published it on Pixiv.

Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be scary, it should be something exciting and liberating. Nagata decided to take matters into her own hands, and while the days leading up to the encounter made her really nervous and she even considered not going through with it at all, she willed herself to continue, because she wanted to do this for herself, it would be pointless if she gave up after coming so far in her decision to value herself.

And it's these series of actions that she decided to do that ultimately led to her life turning out for the better, it gave her the courage to do what she always wanted: to be a manga artist, which lead to the publishing of this autobiographical memoir, something she wanted to create that would 'make people want to buy this book' and from her own preference for reading stories that 'speak of secrets people wouldn't want to tell others'.

Nagata mentions what she calls 'honey': something that varies from person to person. It could be your reason for living, that thing that drives/pushes you, or even your sense of belonging. It may not be something permanent, but you can always find yourself a new one. (she mentions the last time she had her 'honey' was during her high school days, and while she has grown apart from the friends she made, she has found her new 'honey' in the form of being a full-time manga artist.)

Nagata stumbles and trips a lot on her way to being a better version of herself, but who doesn't? She admits to things not necessarily being smooth, but at least she's doing better than before. And it's that decision to at least try that counts. We don't have to be perfect, we're all human after all.

TL;DR My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness is a honest, down-to-earth, and ultimately hopeful memoir about the struggles of mental health and learning about one's sexuality. It's an amazing book, and very much worth the buy.

A big thank you if you read through all of this too. I know it's a mess and writing isn't exactly my strong point, but hopefully I've convinced some people out there to give this book a read! Please feel free to share your thoughts and I'd appreciate it very much too if you reblog/like this post.