#just. there's my current state on this shit. im tired

[izzy-b-hands]

i know i need to Not Be Bothered when cis ppl are talking abt trans hcs for characters, but sometimes you see a take that makes you go jfc pls talk to more of the trans ppl around u abt their lived experiences bc the take is essentially falling into the 'being trans is dysphoria and suffering mostly' falsehood that got pressed onto me by family and friends pre any transition related activities, even just my name change

[liesmyth]

that one post I rb'd earlier about France and laicité and Macron celebrating Chanukah is still making me made just thinking about it. That came in the same week as Masha Gessen being almost stripped of the Hannah Arendt prize because they wrote an essay about Gaza (incidentally, Gessen is Jewish). I'm just really, massively tired of the current climate in Western Europe where political and civil authorities pay lip service to diversity and pluralism but actually actively suppress diverse voices. Case in point, lots of framing Judaism = Israel while actively making life harder for their Jewish communities.

I'm not eloquent enough to word this properly, but it's infuriating to witness. It's not a new attitude by any means, but it's rooted in racism and xenophobia and I hate that it's getting so much fresh mileage lately. I wish more people (& local press) called it out for what it is.

[autumnalhalcyon]

.

[on-leatheredwings]

like idek what to do about my life atp

i literally am trying and nothing works. nothings working. but if i give up ill be even more miserable.

[kalashtars]

current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit

[jackalbitten]

im so tired of constantly being the one to reach out why do i always have to be the first to message the first to send posts that remind me of other people the first to start stuff the first to give recommendations if i don't carry a conversation than it won't happen. if i went completely radio silent right now until someone spoke to me first i would be silent for months. maybe years even. i'm so tired of it.

[3knecrotic]

Sometimes I don't think she cares, but it's also my Fault so I'm left so conflicted

..

[princessofmerc]

.

Things I know would probably make me feel better: eat something, clean the flat, call the landlady to get the plumbing fixed

Things I don’t have the energy to do: eat something, clean the flat

Things I’m too ashamed to do: call the landlady to get the plumbing fixed

[klxudykai]

things i've manifested over the past week

i didn't really manifest a whole bunch before this week because i felt like it wasn't working for me up until i realized i just needed to be persistent- (i know im goofy asf you can throw tomatoes at me now LMFAO)

i don't have much of a "routine" if anything it's short and simple. i usually do it when im tired because i feel like me being in a "sleepy state" of mind works better. then i just affirm. but i apply the affirmations to what im doing. so ill say smth like "with every breath i take i get this" or "as im falling asleep i get this". ill even mix it in with affirmations that sound like i have whatever im manifesting and ill say it casually too. like "oh yeah i have this it's pretty cool or whatever". i even visualize that i have what im manifesting and it makes it a lot more believable (i feel like if i can see myself with it, then its possible if that makes any sense)

i dont continue to affirm though because then if i do i dont go to sleep (ESPECIALLY when im trying to shift) and thats why i also add to the affirmation "as im going to sleep" because i feel like that makes me more sleepy. i dont even realize i fall asleep either so it helps a lot.

anyways i thought id share some of the things ive been manifesting considering ive been doing it pretty much daily:

i manifested that i would be in shape for volleyball at school since thats about to start back up soon and my coach wanted us to get a gym membership but i havent worked out once (havent had any time or motivation)

for a while i WAS manifesting that someone that i knew at my old school would transfer to my current school but something in my head was like "nah its not worth putting in effort" so i dropped that (but i have a feel that had i kept manifesting it, it wouldve happened)

i had really bad cramps one night so i affirmed that they would go away as im trying to sleep and they would be gone in the morning (safe to say that worked)

manifested that i have confidence (SPECIFICALLY the confidence that megan thee stallion and sabrina carpenter have)

while also manifesting more confidence i also manifested that people would want to hang out with me more and im desired (may have added a guy into that manifestation??)

its not anything big mostly cause i wanted to start small rather than bite off more than i can chew. its also cause i have a hard time believing my manifestations would work so i decided to just start small with them. also with the second manifestation that i dropped, thats not the first time ive attempted to manifest something and my head told me to just drop it. i dont think its meant to say "oh no that won't work" but its rather protecting me or smth (intuition came in clutch???) but yeah im not stressing about it considering i have all the things ive manifested and i can have so much more.

i dont have much to say anymore, but for the people that doubt manifestation, dont. that shit is real im telling you. if you persist and truly believe you have it, you got it. you dont even have to do much you could just slip it into a conversation or say it before you go to sleep and it will be there. persist, persist, persist. im so fr when i say it works yall. - coming from someone who thought none of my manifestations would come true

[pjsk-headcanons]

PINNED!!!!

Headcanon submissions are currently closed.

other things are alright tho just no headcanons since i rlly need to clean up the inbox kndlsjd

hi! i thought a blog like this would be fun. i was inspired by @/projectsekaitakes.

layout by @vividly-idol-archives here

blog run by @vbs-kaitos-big-naturals

you can submit through asks!

(apologies in advance if i ever misinterpret something you tell me, im either distracted or very tired while queueing thingswww. you can tell me in asks or messages if i get something wrong!)

Rules:

You are not allowed to have more than 5 headcanons in the queue. dont feel too stressed or guilty about this, its not really a big deal. if you lose track, just wait about a day and you should be fine.

You are not allowed to complain or hate on the headcanons in the replies or reblogs. you are, however, allowed to give your own.

I. e., "Honami can't stand the smell of car exhaust." can have people in the replies saying, "i always thought she would hate the smell of lemons"

You are not allowed to submit headcanons exclusively about gender/sexuality/romanticism. those can get oversaturated really quickly, so to avoid it ive decided to not allow them, sorry. you can send shit like "akito is a little whore slut babygirl" and I'll probably post that since it doesnt really have to do with actual identity or orientation.

Don't misgender Mizuki or erase her representation.

No sexual headcanons. sorry! I'm okay with that stuff, but im also aware that many people aren't so let's not do that here! again, more jokey submissions are okay (read: akito is a little whore slut babygirl) since that isnt really explicit but I'd rather not do anything past that.

No asks that perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

No use of the word "Latinx". you can use latine or latino instead!

AU headcanons are allowed! in fact, i would love them! all i ask is you make a lil note about it before the actual headcanon so people have Context

please notify me if i don't tag something correctly! I'll try to add trigger warnings for everything but i might make mistakes!

if a hc includes a ship, I'll tag that ship. i may tag a group of two or more characters that dont have a name (i.e. shinonome siblings, white day trio, etc.) with "[ship name] hc" (looks at akian) but ill only tag things with the actual ship tag if the characters are explicitly stated to be something other than friends

if submissions get repetitive or follow the same topic/character a lot, i wont queue them and wait until it dies down to put it in the queue. i won't ever delete an ask unless it breaks a rule above!

in the tags of the post, i, blog runner, will share my thoughts on the headcanon. i wont be negative, i promise!

[note: the tag for kohane headcanons is #kohampster hc]

most of all, have fun! that's what fandom is about!

[kiestrokes]

i like had this thought in the back of my head of like what ateez would be like with an S/O who has a physical illness bcs i actually have one which causes a lot of pain to my bones and i'm like in a constant state of pain and discomfort, been going on for about 12 years HELL YA ✊🏻, if i don't keep up on my meds (currently don't have the proper meds so it only tides me over for a little while-) then im basically fucked so IDK i feel like there isn't a lot of stuff written about this kind of stuff (im a sucker for shit i hardly ever am able to read abt) ALSO IM NOT 100% SURE IF YOUR REQS WERE OPEN BCS I DIDNT SEE ANYTHING POSTED ABT IT SO- YA- if you don't want to write it obviously you don't have to !! no pressure at all lovely

ATEEZ Caring for You: Chronic Illness Edition | SFW

Pairing: ATEEZ x Gender Neutral!Reader/You/Yn Rating: SFW Genre: fluff, slice of life, headcanons, imagines, scenarios. Warnings: chronic illness + immunocompromised talk.

🗝️ Note: Hey atiny anon! You actually asked the right person; I have fibromyalgia combined with a few other annoying chronic illnesses. Because you can't just have one 😓 I hope that you can find a decent fucking doctor and get on the proper medication soon. That's the biggest part of the struggle, finding a physician that will listen and is competent enough. I hope this was enough, I tried to assign each member a caring task that I felt fit them! Has not been beta-ed.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below. 

Seonghwa 

He’s here to help you prevent all the chronic pain that he can. Booking you massage visits. Trips to the hot springs. All the arnica rubs. Silly little games the two of you play, to keep your mind off the pain and depression spirals. His favorite is seeing who can build their new Lego set the quickest. Hwa is the biggest advocate for you, he would never return a dish at the restaurant when its wrong. But he will fight for you at every appointment, every pharmacy, wherever you need him to. Because he knows you've grown tired of fighting all the time.

Hongjoong

HJ's specialty is flexibility. You have a sudden burst of energy? He’s down to go explore that new pop-up market with you. You’ve come down with a bout of bone numbing pain? That’s cool, you’re getting changed into comfy clothes and piled up on the couch. Swaddled in your heating pad with all the snacks. Where he falls asleep on your shoulder. HJ never gets frustrated with your rapid change in mood or plans. Nothing but the most understanding partner you could ever have asked for, and boy is he so cute and snuggly when dozing on you. Small hands seeking your face for drowsy kisses that soothe your aches just a smidge.

Yunho

The quiet presence, the one who knows what you need before you say it. Passing you tissues, making you a cup of tea and most importantly holding you so that you can cry. Shedding angry tears about how frustrated you are with your own body for betraying you. For feeling weak. For missing out on things. He's gently calming every frayed nerve in your brain. Reassuring you that you're exactly where you need to be in this moment, and he will bring all of the fun to you. And he does, in small, manageable doses.

Yeosang

His way of caring for you is through caring for your outside. All the skin masks, hair treatments, skin softening lotions because if you feel cruddy, at least he can make you feel cute and comfortable. They do heal though, in their own way. The extra moisture of the humidifier and every cream and essence he buffs into your skin helps keep some of the aches away. Subsiding the itchiness of the nerve pain, just a little. And you can’t get over how cute Yeosang looks in each animal themed headband or with his hair tied back into teeny space buns or how nice his hands feel every time they glide over your skin.

San

Where Yunho is quietly attentive, San is passionately attentive. You cry, he cries (while holding you). Quite literally your pain, is his pain and he’s here to be with you through each step. No judgment is ever passed when he has to pick up your extra chores around the house. Because to him, that is the smallest act of service he can perform for you. San is the one who wishes he could take on your pain, that he could fight it and destroy it and it pains him that he cannot. So he will simply have to do everything else.

Mingi

He thrives on making you laugh and smile through tough days, because he understands feeling burdensome. Mingi never wants you to feel that way, he wants to make sure you verbally know that your presence is needed and welcome. His favorite thing is cuddled up in bed with you wrapped in your heated blanket watching shows. You looking so small in his arms, giving him the feeling of protecting something. He reassures you constantly, because he himself seeks constant reassurance. Mingi never tires of this, he will reaffirm every single self deprecating thought with a compliment even on his worst days.

Wooyoung 

He cares for you with his skinship, which is incredibly healing. His happy heartbeat encourages yours. His strong hands make you feel loved and needed. Who would cuddle him if not you? Woo often reminds you, whispering the phrase into your ear as he traces his nails through your hair, or while rhythmically drawing circles on your spine. Making you float into dream land and anchoring you in the moment with him at the same time. Woo also loves making you whatever dish you’re craving, knowing you need energy to fight off fatigue and pain. And cooking is one of his many, many love languages.

Jongho

Needing to hoard all the extra rest you can get; you seek out solace at Jongho’s place for nap time. Jongho has taken notice, he’s also taken inventory as to which blankets of his you prefer, the pillows that keep you asleep the longest, what temperature you prefer the room to be based on what you’re wearing. All your favorite snacks before or after. New blackout curtains. He’s made his place your ultimate nap zone. New heated blankets. Duplicates of your fave lounge wear and socks. And he takes his payment in cuddles. Holding you tightly in his bed or sprawled on the couch. Sometimes he falls asleep himself and flips you onto your back to bury into your side like a full-sized teddy bear.

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[seneon]

Can i please request a story of orter mádl x fem!reader please? (Modern au)

Of reader getting mad at orter for cancelling their date to do work and they got into a fight? (I love your work sm i discoverd you through another mashle writers todoroki_waifu im glad they re tweeted your story so i found you💞💞💞💞💞)

THERE FOR YOU ──── ft. orter mádl x fem! reader.

about. orter has been busier than usual lately, thus he never gets to be there for you. | 0.7K words. angst and fluff.

notes. i'm glad that you discovered my account omg that is such an honour 😭 i've read their works before too 🫶🏻 ty for the request!!

ORTER MÁDL knew better than to cancel dates with his girlfriend, for he knew he was an extremely busy man, working in a busy industry where it requires his presence most of the time.

lately, he hasn't been able to be spending time with his lover, yet alone see her. if anything else in the world, he hadn't seen her in a while— except for the facetimes they do late at night which was considered rare nowadays.

orter felt so guilty. he felt guilty that he has been saying he'll postpone the dates to another night, another morning, another afternoon, whichever he thinks could fit into his tight schedule.

it was like no other cancellation. just when he thought he could have an off-day, the company where he worked needed his help and assistance. they told him that he would be paid extra if he worked for that and they needed his assistance the most.

there was no other capable workers other than the mádl. he was the best in that field, thus explaining his busy schedule.

that same busy schedule that would then ruin your expectations and lowered your hopes down to nothing — in terms of spending some time alone with orter.

you just wanted a single day or a single night, perhaps even a few hours of orter's time just so you could see the face of your boyfriend.

just once.

it's always all about his work.

but no.

work this, work that. work is like his lover, not you. it was like you've been forgotten and replaced with work.

so when orter cancelled this round's date, you were angry. mad. annoyed. pissed. whatever words that could be used to describe your current anger.

surely not you, because you've been enduring that fact for so long. it consumed you on the inside. it broke you and your heart. if shattered your hopes of being with orter again.

who wouldn't be angry if plans that were made so long, over and over, repeatedly, was once again cancelled or so to say . . . postponed ?

"you've been saying the same thing over and over again! it's honestly so tiring having to wait for you to clear up your busy ass schedule! and you only called to cancel the date!?" you shouted, clearly letting your anger speak.

"y/n, look. i know i've been cancelling our dates but please. i'm working for the both of us!" orter on the other line responded.

"i waited for so long because i want to see your face, but NOOO! instead, you pull up this work shit again! i'm sick... and tired of it! i just want to . . ."

orter remained silent.

"i just want to be with you.."

the mádl heard a sniff behind the phone screen and he felt his heart dropped at the sound you made.

you were crying.

"even for a minute... i don't care," you continued speaking into the phone just as it hung up, leaving orter in a state of panic.

he frantically pressed the button to your apartment floor and waited in anticipation until the elevator takes him up. orter than ran to your apartment and with the extra key you made for him, he unlocked the door and barged in.

"y/n!" orter looked around and found you laying on the couch, hugging the bear that orter gave you for your previous birthday. there you were, curled like a ball and softly crying along with your phone that was set aside.

"oh y/n..." the male rushed to you and pulled you into a hug, embracing your warmth that he hadn't felt in a while. "i'm so sorry y/n. please forgive me. i managed to get today off so i could surprise you, but i've made things worst. i'm sorry please. forgive me."

you sobbed even louder when orter embraced you in a hug, as you wrapped your arms around him tightly, finally feeling the touch of your boyfriend in such a long time.

orter lightly chuckled at your words and brushed your back, burying his face into your shoulders. he couldn't care if his glasses was going to be stained with smudges.

"outwer i'be wissed yoy so muj!!"

"orter, i've missed you so much!!"

all he could care was being there for you.

[lazywerebat]

Comforting The Uncomfortable !

Polyam! Lost Boys x TransMan! Reader

warnings; pre-t trans man reader, reader having period, reader having gender dysphoria, metions of blood, metions of period, mentions of reader having meltdown & breakdown, reader having meltdown, coming out as trans man to boys! ( if i missed anything pls let me know! )

word count; 9.6k

a/n; this is kind of self projected fic, also im on my period so i decided to write this. feeling v dysphoric too lol

would rlly appreciate if you like + reblog :)

You were getting ready for going out with your boyfriends. Boys would come pick you up since you don't own a motorcycle like they do nor you knew how to ride one.

You wore your binder, so now you could start with your outfit. After you got ready, you felt sharp pain in your stomach, you thought to yourself that you were just hungry. You felt it once again but more painful. You quickly went to bathroom hoping it isn't what you were thinking, when you went to check you saw red liquid on your boxers or what others would call it, period. Fucking hell, you forgot about that, you quickly changed your boxers and placed pad there.

You knew your boyfriends are vampires and that could smell blood but you didn't knew if they could smell period blood. You usually knew when you would got your period and told boys you couldn't make it then. You didn't plan on telling them that youre trans, you didn't knew if they will be alright with it or they would be disgusted about it, for fuck sakes you didn't even know how to tell them. You couldn't think about that without having meltdown nor breakdown. Your thoughts were distracted by sound of roars of motorcycles outside your house, it was them, you decided to act normal and just pretend you didn't have that shit.

You came outside to see them, all of you said your hi's and kisses, you went to ride with Dwayne,

“You feeling okay sweetheart?”

he asked with worry in his voice,

“I'm fine, don't worry love”

you replied to him, making sure everything is okay with you. He nodded and all of you went to boardwalk. Honestly boardwalk would be much more fun and comfortable if you didn't have this shit right now, your stomach hurt so bad, boys thinking its your hunger and trying to ask which food you would like to eat and you just kept declining,

“I'm fine, not feeling really hungry David”

you explained to him and boys with hope they stopped asking you that. You tried to enjoy night with them but you felt like you were going to collapse and have a meltdown, you just wanted to enjoy without feeling like this but with current problems you have right now, you just couldn't, probably never too. There were times when your stomach hurt so bad you wanted to hold it, you just didn't wanted boys to know that your not like them, when you would get that feeling, you would either cross your arms, put your hands in pockets or just anything besides holding your stomach. More time you spent with boys, more worried they grew with you, you never did this around them and smell of your blood would grew stronger. You were now in Pauls arms, your head on his shoulder, your arms around his waist, his arms around, he would give you forehead kisses and rub your back with his thumbs. Pain in your legs grew stronger and stronger, you just wanted to fucking cry, this shit reminded you that you were less of a man every goddamn month and you closed your legs which easied your pain little bit.

“What's wrong handsome? —”

Paul asked giving you kisses on your neck,

“— You don't seem sick.”

he stated while continuing giving you kisses, your body got closer to his, your fingers went fidgeting with bracelets that you are wearing,

“Just feeling tired Paulie, nothing serious.”

you gave him answer. Since you told him you were tired, others heard it too, they asked you if you would rather wanted to go to your place to just cuddle till your sleep, you didn't wanted to ruin their night like this, so you declined. At this point boys were worried about you, they told you all of you were going to your place and you didn't agrue with them cause it was pointless to agrue with four of them.

Once you arrived at your house, Marko went to kitchen to make you something to eat and Dwayne went to make you some tea. Paul went to your room to get your favourite blanket, David sat on couch so you would cuddle with him instead of cuddling with you went to bathroom immediately when you all came back. He thought you have to piss so he tried not to make big deal out of it, it still bothered him how you bleed and he didn't know why. You were in bathroom changing your pad cause old one had too much of you-know-what. You though to yourself that vampires infact cannot smell blood of you-know-what because they weren't asking you anything about it so that made you little euphoric. When you came back from bathroom, you went to get your cuddles from David and you just melted into his arms while one of his hands went to play with your hair. Marko and Dwayne came to rest of you, they brought you pasta Marko made and tea, you gave them a smile and started enjoying stuff they gave you. Eventually their patience with knowing why they smell blood and your stomach pains where getting uncomfortable and painful.

“Handsome, what's really wrong?”

Marko asked out of nowhere while looking at you, at that moment you stopped eating your food to look at him,

“Uh, I'm fine Marko, don't worry.”

you gave him an answer with a smile,

“Bullshit.”

denied Paul, he looked at you and you were getting confused,

“It's not.”

you said,

"Oh really? Everything's fine? Then why we can smell your blood? You gonna come up with come excuse for that one too?”

he harshly stated, your conclusion in bathroom you made, fell in water, vampires do infact can smell that kind of blood. You were silent, you didn't know what to say and they were waiting for your answer. You didn't know if you should tell them its some medical condition, that doctors don't know why it was like that or come out to them. Probably saying its some medical condition would worry them even more, so that shit won't work. Then coming out must be right answer for this, but what if they won't be fine with it? What if they won't love you anymore? What if they would thought you were weird? What if they're gonna be disgusted and wouldn't want to be around you anymore? Many thoughts of 'What if' were just coming and coming, at the end you didn't know what to say to do, so you just ran to your room, leaving plate and cup on table. You could heard them saying something but you couldn't manage to hear what it is. You closed your room door, ran in some small space, you were trying not to cry so hard but tears fell down your face, you couldn't really breath and binder is making it worse for you. You didn't want any of this to be happening! If you were born in right goddamn body, you wouldn't give a fuck about things that are happening right now, you could actually be happy with yourself and not worrying if you look like some woman or not. You just want this to end, that everybody forget that this is happening, that this is just a stupid fucked up dream. You felt arms around you grabbing you closer to that person, you couldn't manage to see which boy is from your blurry vision. They tried to calm you down, they were being gentle with you and this isn't first time they would comfort you like this. You felt that sharp pain in your stomach again and your hands immediately went to hold it. They didn't move you anywhere to not upset you even further, you felt another hand on your stomach. That hand started massaging your stomach, you also felt kisses on your face and damn all of that was calming you down. Once you calmed down, your body was placed on your bed with one of your boys. You were holding down onto that boy, others were around you making sure you felt calm and that you weren't going to have that again. After everything calmed down, your vision came back, your stomach hurt less than before. You saw you were in Marko's arms, David was on your right, Paul on your left and Dwayne wasn't in room. You were confused were he went,

“Where's Dwayne?”

you spoke with shaky voice,

“I'm here baby bat, don't worry”

Dwayne responded, you saw him coming in with glass of water and what you suppose it was, a painkiller. He handed them to you, you drank water and swallowed pill, you felt Paul giving you back rubs.

“Feeling better?”

asked David, you nodded and rested your head on Markos chest, you felt a hand playing with your hair.

“You wanna talk about it now or tomorrow night?”

Marko gently requested,

“I think now.”

you answered softly him, they didn't asked more questions or spoke anything, they waited for you to tell them all what's going on. You took a deep breath, you were going to do it once and for all,

“I know all of you already know that I'm a man but I'm not exactly a man like all of you are —”

you felt your heart racing,

“— I am a transgender man. I haven't started testosterone and I don't know when I'm going to start it. I use binder to hide my chest. I still get periods and thats why you all smelled my blood.”

you finished, you closed your eyes not wanting to see any of their reactions and you buried your head more in Marko's chest.

“Oh love.”

you heard Dwayne said that and rubbed your back.

“Transgender or not, we still want you.”

stated Paul,

“Yeah, youre still our boyfriend!”

agreed Marko,

“We wouldn't leave you no matter what.”

said David, you turned around to look at them,

“Really?”

you questioned, you saw them all nod in agreement and smile which made you smile too.

Rest of the night they were comforting you, bringing you everything so you could feel comfortable as possible. You were happy to have such accepting and supportive boyfriends. You were cuddled up in warm blankets cuddling with Dwayne, while David was massaging your stomach so it doesn't hurt that bad. Marko and Paul were trying to comfort you with coming up with comfortable names you could call your body and blood too. They all left before sun came up and you slept comfortably knowing you don't have to hide your identity from your boys anymore.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

The Beginning Of The End - Chapter 5

Summary: You were once a “honeybee”, now you’re simply a “bunny”. Can an alliance and friendship still last after one’s former lover became the current lover of another?

Pairings: ELP x Reader x Jay White

Warnings: +18, mentions of cheating, cursing, mentions of smut, adult language. 

Tag: @theworldofotps , @writtingrose , @aerynscrichton, @daddyhausen , @melissahausen , @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @sultryfandoms , @new-zealand-chic, @crowleysqueenofhell , @thealliasylum , @legit9thlunaticwarrior , @adamjf , @josiewrites , @seeingstarks , @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch , @whenimakeitshine1234 , @moxkindagirl , @sunshinevirus , @im-just-a-mississippi-girl , @pleasantpastels

Chapter 4

Riley was still mesmerized, of course, he knew you had a strong personality and was incredibly outspoken. When you met that was the very first thing that caught his attention: your fierceness. Riley never failed to notice how those traits sometimes seemed to disconcert Jay to the point of anger. As a matter of fact, Riley was aware that Jay never knew how to handle you ever since the beginning of your relationship.

“She doesn’t listen, she does whatever she wants, she doesn’t understand nor obey me. She never does anything I want, she’s not-“

“She’s not like every desperate ring rat waiting for you at the arena parking lot who’s willing to lay on the concrete floor and let you walk over them just for your sheer amusement?” Riley chuckled and tossed his towel on the locker room bench before looking at Jay “Man, are you listening to yourself? She doesn’t ‘obey’ you? She’s not your daughter, Jay. She doesn’t have to do shit!” He huffed loudly “She’s a fascinating woman with a strong personality, not a teenager. So unless you want her to get tired of your immature behavior and eventually dump you, I suggest you stop treating her like she’s below you”. 

And now, sitting at the foot of the bed of your hotel room, Riley couldn’t take his eyes off of you. 

You paced around the room, murmuring a random jazz song as you chose an outfit for your breakfast date. After Riley watched the entirety of the discussion between his bunny, Jay, and Lisa, he did the only thing he could think of doing ever since he watched you fiercely defend your relationship: have an hour worthy of passionate sex. 

It probably wasn’t appropriate, but this whole situation was starting to get too strange to be considered normal, so what was one more freaky thing amid this chaos?

“This outfit looks weird, doesn’t it? It’s alright, you can say it” You asked when your eyes caught Riley intently staring at you. 

He shook his head lightly and smirked “No, you look beautiful, breathtaking” Standing up from the bed, Riley closed the distance between you and cupped your cheeks with his hands, “You’re perfect, do you know that? Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky” His blue eyes’ scanned across your face, savoring the warm smile you offered him. 

“We both know you’re the perfect one” Standing on your tippy toes you pressed a soft peck on his lips and stated with a teasing smirk “Besides that’s the postcoital haze speaking”. 

Riley couldn’t hold back his chuckle when he replied “Trust me, bunny. Even though the sex is out of this world and you’ve ruined me for any other woman, what’s speaking right now is not the hormones but a four-letter word”

“Cake?” You teased again, giggling when Riley tickled your sides. 

“Smart ass. Fucking rude of you to ruin my wholesome moment” He playfully pouted 

“Awww, my poor baby. Will you feel better if I say that although I do love cake, I love you way more?”

“You love me more than you love cake? Damn, bunny, I’m flattered! I think I’m gonna cry”

Your laugh became louder when Riley tightened his grasp enough to crush you. “I love you, Ry”

“I love you more, bunny. More than you’ll ever know”

Jay’s patience was wearing thin, he didn’t want Lisa here, he never asked her to come nor had he allowed her to come. Seeing Lisa face to face solidified the hatred Jay already felt for the young woman, and such a feeling only seemed to grow inside him ever since you came to Japan. Being forced to face you every day and stare at the woman he’d lost only made Jay’s conscience weigh on the fact that not only he would probably never have you back, but he was also stuck with a woman he despised.

“Go get my son, please. I want to see him” Jay muttered, focusing on the task of setting up his toiletries on top of the bathroom sink. He needed to keep his focus on anything but Lisa’s face or else he would do something that would end his career and freedom.

“Not before you tell me what the fuck was she doing in here with you” Her tone did not leave room for doubt, she was incredibly pissed. Lisa was fuming with rage from the minute she saw you standing inside Jay’s hotel room.

“I’m not gonna ask you nicely again, Lisa. Just go get Charlie”. Jay was trying, he really was. To have Lisa in the same room as him and not punch her in the face took a whole lot of him and he knew that. Jay always despised men who hit women, to him they were nothing but cowards who were too scared to face someone their own size, but here’s the difference: Lisa isn’t a woman, she is a rat. A plague sent his way to end both his life and the patience he naturally lacked. 

“No” Lisa spits back, a mocking smile dancing across her lips. The jealousy she felt upon seeing the love and devotion written in Jay’s features as he stared down at you was too much for her to handle.

With an annoyed sigh, Jay reached for his phone in his back pocket and quickly tapped the number under the letter “K” in his contacts. “Hi, Keiko. Could you bring Charlie to my room, please? Yeah, same room as last week. Okay, thank you”. Without looking at Lisa, Jay stepped out of the bathroom and took two steps forward to the bedroom area.

Lisa felt her body shaking with rage, her chest was burning, a vein popped on her neck and a redness began to settle on her nape. “You can look at her as much as you want, Jay. But you’ll never have her back, I won’t let you choose her!” She called from behind him, following him into the room. She heard him chuckling from the bed where he was currently setting aside his dirty laundry.

“You won’t let me choose her? Aww, how cute” Jay mocked with a loud laugh before his cold, gray gaze settled in her face “Is it too late to let you know that I already chose her? I’ll always choose her!” Jay raised his hand up when Lisa started to protest “I know what you’re about to say, Lisa. And trust me, I know she won’t choose me again, definitely not after the biggest fuck up I’ve ever made in my entire life” His gaze intensified, silently making it clear that the last phrase was meant for her. “But I don’t care”, Jay continued, “She’s the only woman I’ll ever love. The only woman who owns my heart, my soul. I’ll always choose my honeybee over anyone! She’ll be my number-one choice until the day I die! And I suggest you start getting used to that” He finished with a bitter spat as someone knocked on the door, “Now, be useful for once and go open the door so I can be with the only joy you’ve ever managed to give me”.

After breakfast, Riley took you to one of the places you were excited to meet the most: Koishikawa Korakuen. The park was even more beautiful than you’d expected, its beauty completely breathtaking, like a livid painting before your eyes. Not even the best-resolution pictures online made justice to the astounding view. 

“Oh my god, Ry. This is beautiful!” You giggled, fascinated by your surroundings. 

“It truly is”, Riley agreed, as you turned around to find him intently staring at you. 

Shaking your head lightly, you felt like a teenager being complimented by her high school crush “Stop”. 

Riley smirked, pulling you closer to his body in a tight hug. He whispered softly against your lips “Never”, before delicately kissing the soft flesh. 

“I love you so much” was his next whisper once he broke the kiss. 

“I love you too, blue eyes” You smiled, giving one last peck on his lips before pulling him down to sit on the grass beside you. 

“Are you ok? You seem a little withdrawn and pensive this morning” You played with the longer strands of hair at Riley’s nape, “Did something happen?”

Huffing a laugh Riley focused on the lake before them, “How can I never hide anything from you?”, he felt the muscles on his neck tightening as the memories flooded his mind. 

“The argument between you, Jay, and Lisa earlier…I can’t get it out of my head” he began “I was coming back from the gym since I was feeling a bit weird, so I decided to go back to our room and when the elevator doors opened, I heard your voice and I just ran towards it…I thought” Riley looked up at the blue sky, mentally counting the clouds before continuing, “I don’t know what I thought, to be honest. I just heard your voice and then Lisa screaming so I guess I thought something bad was happening…I don’t fucking know what was I thinking, I just ran” Riley shook his head to try to get rid of the tightness on his neck.

Kneeling on the grass, you slowly placed yourself behind him. Positioning your right hand on Riley’s nape, you began to massage his neck as a way to help his pain. 

“That must’ve been scary for you” You kissed his cheek “I’m sorry, baby”. 

Riley laughed bitterly “I was shitting my pants”, he leaned his head back to rest it against your shoulder. “When I heard that fucking psycho bitch yelling like a lunatic I was scared that she may have done something to hurt you, I don’t know”. Riley grabbed your hand that was previously on his neck so he could intertwine your fingers. He pulled your hand down until your arm was stretched out on top of his torso, “When it comes to Jay she’s fucking clueless. She doesn’t care about who she hurts or what she has to do to keep him so I ran there because I didn’t want her to hurt you because of him”. Turning his face to the right, Riley placed a soft peck on the side of your neck. 

“My knight in shiny ring gear” You teased, making Riley chuckle while you placed your other arm on top of his torso. As you hugged him from behind, you whispered “Thank you for coming to my rescue and I’m sorry you got scared”. 

“It’s alright, bunny. I’m glad you’re ok” Riley poked your knees until you laughed. Finally sitting on the floor behind him and resting your back against a tree trunk, you pulled him back toward your body.

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed by until Riley spoke again, “Bunny, can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course, Ry”

“Can you stay away from Jay while you’re here? I don’t want Lisa to see you around him and do something stupid”

“Well, I can’t avoid randomly meeting him, Ry. Not when we are currently in the same place” You covered Riley’s lips with your hand as he began to protest, “But, I’ll do my best to not be around him, although it may not always work, I promise I’ll try to stay away from him”. 

Riley pecked the palm of your hand that still covered his lips before pulling your hand away from his mouth, “Thank you, bunny”. He lifted his head up for a kiss that you gladly gave him until a voice pulled you out of your cotton candy love haze. 

“Oh look who we have here, Charlie! The couple of the year!” Lisa chuckled, sarcasm dripping from her words as Jay approached her with a frown.

“You wouldn’t mind if we had a picnic beside you, right?” Her eyes gleamed with mischief as she didn't wait for a response to settle her things down on the grass beside you and Riley. 

[bnnuy-wabbit]

Cunospig -> bnnuywabbit

Name's Lago. I'm 22.

My art tag is #feral art tag

I'm prone to note spamming mutuals! I personally love being note spammed. It's a love language. To me.

If you happened to stumble upon this blog, you Must Know that I'm obsessed with many things like my own OCs as of writing this post!

I'm Brazilian. As in from Brazil. As in Born There and Living There till my eventual demise, possibly. If you also happen to be one of those or adjacent, feel free to hit me up. É nois 🤙

I treat my blog as an open diary sometimes. There'll be cool things about my life and things in excited abou t and things that make me upset and general life shit. I also talk a lot about my little brothers endeavors because i love him and he's my little creature. If this bothers you, i recommend not following. Also this blog contains adult stuff because im an adult, so follow at your own risk and/or pleasure! I think you should be in control of what you use your eyes to look at 👍

More info under readmore!! But only if you feel like it.

Other than the aforementioned, i have Many other interests that Can and WILL show up here, like:

My OCs and worldbuilding

Portal

Half life and hlvrai

Disco Elysium

Stranger Things

Homestuck

Whump stuff

FNAF

Literally whatever show and game im currently watching or playing.

I'm also VERY into music. My favorite genres are 00s pop, industrial metal, heavy metal, classic rock, folk and mpb. I love learning more about music and getting to know new music genres. Feel free to pop some in my inbox!

Random info: I use emojis abd smileys unironically. I just love to pepper my texts with some emotion here and there. I promise there's no sarcasm associated to my emojis and smileys. If i send i smiling smiley i Mean It. I also add !!!! To them if I'm particularly excited. Tone tags are confusing to me, I don't use them.

Regarding The Me: I'm queer and weird about it! My gender is completely not my business, it's up to you to gender me. Also I'm an Artist and creator at heart, so i draw a lot, i like sculpting things with clay and foam, i love doing collages, i like playing my guitar and sometimes i write fucked up things for fun because it's Fun, tho i wouldn't call myself a writer. I'm diagnosed audhd. I'm weird and not in a cutesy way sometimes, but at least I'm funny about it i think!

I'm uhhhh a med student with a background in AG/rural sciences (vetmed + fishing) which ig is kinda funny. The funniest thing about me is I'm an honest to god fishing technician. I have a fucking diploma in fishing. I have no idea how or why, it still baffles me!! I have plenty thoughts on the ag/fishing field as a whole and a bit of experience with Some Things. I've worked in a few labs and written and published a few papers and I've wanted to be a Real Scientist when i grew up since i was a kid :)

I think that's about it.

I'm a bit shy, reverb though nobody believes me when i day it! But please feel free to send an ask asking for my discord if you'd like to chat. My messages are off for nonmutuals because I'm tired of getting spambots. One thing i MUST state upfront if you'd like to talk to me and be friends: i likely have a personality disorder (avpd, extreme anxiety regarding Connecting to People) but I'm working on it! I'm trying to get better at talking about myself and my interests and socializing, so don't blame yourself if our conversations fall flat. Talking and initiating conversations with people is Hard, but I'm alright at keeping conversations going if you tell me about your likes and dislikes or if you wanna do small talk! My cheat sheet is: Talk to me about your favorite weather, your timezone, what you like learning more about, about your country and culture or your favorite types of music and your favorite bands! Tell me about yourself, please!!! I'm told i can be really cool to talk to if we get to know each other, I'm told I'm a very trusting, agreeable and judgementless individual. I like to believe that is true. To be fair, I'm eager to make new friends and learn more about people and we'll bond over something, I'm absolutely sure 🥰.

I have a lot of blogs. Like a LOT. I'm not going to link them all here, but they ARE linked to my main somewhere. Probably. Have fun collecting them all or something. It's way too many.

Updated: 8.nov.24

[koicrimes]

there's so many things to love about love and deepspace but i think overall my absolute favorite aspect of it is just HOW MUCH of the game is tailored to YOU and YOUR tastes:

-i HATED the sounds of the english voices and if that were my only option, i wouldn't have bothered but not only do you have the option to hear them speak english, they can speak chinese, japanese and korean too. anyone that knows me knows my obsession with japanese voice acting and two of my all time faves just so happen to be voicing my two in game faves! you can read it in those languages as well. anytime im given the option to play a game in a different language, i leap.

-mc is fairly customizable. she's long and slender which doesn't fit my description but i'm so used to that in these games and (i'm so old- i dont have the energy to give toward caring about shit like this) but you can modify her face, hair (more so in photobooth) and skin. and that last bit was kinda huge to me bc not only did they include darker skin tones, they looked GOOD. there's not alot of range, no, but i'm so used to the vaguely dark skin being alittle ashy options in games (especially ones made by asian companies) that this was like a massive breath of fresh air.

-you have a storyline- well now there's two from what i understand and although you can't control who you interact with in-story, you can choose how much you interact with them outside of the story. i cannot stand rafayel- and i forget the other's name atm but i dont like him much either. i hate to see either of them coming tbh and so the fact that i'm able to CHOOSE to spend my free time with zayne/rei instead (and now sylus/shin) AHHH wonderful! like you can set it to have only the ones YOU want to interact with greet you in the cafe.

-if i didn't state this clearly enough, YOU CAN CHOOSE WHO YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON!! like, yeah, sometimes you'll do stuff where you still build your intimacy with a character you may not care for but it may not be alot.

-you can choose what they wear. you can choose what you wear (this is limited but still an option).

-you can even customize your phone and most of it is interactive! they react to your changing the text bubbles. you can suggest them changing their pfp and they either agree or reject you with little quips of their own. you can change the bg of your chat with them. you can nickname them in your phone which shows up anytime they text or call. even their online profiles! you can even give them a nickname to call you!

-i got tired of the opening theme song. like, i borderline hated it and GUESS WHAT?? I COULD CHANGE IT! (with an aurum pass) and when shin got introduced they added him to the front of the original intro where it's all light and white and brightness but it's him and darkness and red and blood and the transition was jarring and not appealing to me whatsoever and guess what??? I COULD CHANGE THAT TOO!!! so now, currently my game's welcome page is now rei working quietly to the tune of soft piano. sooooo lovely. i'll switch to shin from time to time :)

-BITCH I COULD EVEN CHANGE THE APP'S ICON AND THE NOTICATION MESSAGE!😮

like i said, there's sooooo much to love about this fucking game and this isn't even my way of trying to convince anyone else to play it. i could lol but i just know that when it first dropped so many people were shitting on it bc the ads of the boys looking like uncanny valley, creepy airbrushed dolls LMAO. idk if they still look like that now or if i've just grown fond and therefore blind but this is definitely one of those- if you like otome games, maybe don't knock it until you try it babe idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯