#for letting it get to this state in the first place

[dogsplayingpoker]

Ok weird it wasn't letting me reblog this properly. Anways hiiiii

I did read it (over a year ago when i reblogged this) and that isn't what I said, or my criticism of his point and, overall, the neo-liberal ancient-contemporary comparative perspective that Devereaux is routinely writing these articles in. It would be silly to be fully Pro-Rome, sure, but I'm not really accusing him of that persay. I do still think his general perspective is a silly and factually inaccurate one and disagree with it, so I therefor disagree with the arguments he makes starting from this perspective. In particular, I think that no matter how much he claims to actively be against it, Devereaux and the many historians that follow his same playbook end up: 1. romanticizing (I previously said "admiring," which may have been where we got mixed up) Rome by claiming it was a ghastly horrific slave state (true) while also being unable to help from looking to "the good parts" with a kind of breathless nostalgia, and here, overtly for guidance. This is of course a pretty common issue for classicists, unfortunately, including professors of mine that I've generally really respected. Usually the "good parts" = freedom of religion in occupied territories, civil rights afforded to slaves (+the way that pre-Race slavery functioned differently in general), and exactly what Devereaux says in the title of the article, i.e. their "Notion of authority" being likened, often, to a gentle but firm father figure who knows whats best for his children. It is absolutely hilarious to me how often historians, even ones that claim to have left-wing values, can believe in the noble pater familias rule of the romans with a smile and a tear in their eye. Does anyone else here remember 'the white man's burden'? Did anyone see that weird tucker carlson speech where he talks about daddy coming to spank the disobedient little girl that (assumably?) was supposed to be the Biden government? Anyways. Writers try to isolate only that there was religious self determination (in occupied territories of an expansionist empire), that they Ruled the horrible violent imperial war machine Fairly, and then don't even hide the fumble when they get to the slavery part, proudly saying YEAH, they were ENSLAVED, sure, and that's BAD, BUT........ This all ties into issue two, or the underlying issue:

2. Devereaux is a liberal American historian that is either unable to appreciate the full context of the country he lives in OR is actively obfuscating it AND/OR accepts it and thinks its just peachy outside of a few stubborn issues like police brutality and the like which he thinks can be handled in a vacuum by throwing enough good old fashioned liberal values at them. He fails to view issues from a systemic lens and therefor thinks anything he doesn't like is a weird flaw coming from some outside source. In that article (and I can't find this specific article again on Foreign Policy to pull examples from, I'm sorry) he was trying to 'learn from rome' for the sake of America. Even if he's saying Rome was a heavily flawed society, he is saying our empire can still learn a good thing from their empire. I disagree with that. I disagree with the empires staying empires in the first place, or that empires are things worth saving, or that they're even possible to save. My argument is also that we should actually definitely not look to Ancient Rome for advice on law enforcement, or indeed any of our policies point blank period. I personally think this kind of Rome-USA compare and contrast exercise is always fnny because the writer also never seems to reckon with how much we already, fundamentally, ARE Rome-- in all the worst ways, and in the ways he's claiming we can 'learn' from them. We already have. We've been romanticizing and following in their footsteps very intentionally the whole time, just as others were inspired to follow in ours in a horrific timeline of gore and human atrocities. Devereaux, per his website, is really into classical liberalism, liberal democracies, private property, free-market capitalism, and John Locke. (https://acoup.blog/2024/07/05/collections-the-philosophy-of-liberty-on-liberalism/). We simply have really different perspectives on politics that also inform how we view and would choose to write about things as historians.

I think this quote from that blog post on liberalism is especially funny in context: "And of course Cicero himself never fully absorbs the implications of his philosophy: a wealthy Roman slave-holder, it never occurs to Cicero that perhaps he daily violates the natural law by keeping people in bondage." Devereaux himself never fully absorbs the implications of his philosophy: a white well-to-do professor in an elite seat within American Academia, it never occurs to Devereaux that perhaps he daily violates the individual freedoms of liberalism by rationalizing and hiding away the dark parts of a fundamentally unjust empire relying on the slave labor of prisoners, the indentured servitude of sweatshop workers worldwide, the slaughter and subjugation of millions of in the global south and the underclasses within the empire itself, and the theft and hoarding of the world's resources. But okay. Cicero bad, John Locke good. Got it. My argument would of course be that they are both bad, both equally ignoring the reality of the society they lived in and their places within it. Devereaux is starting his argument from an already catastrophically flawed point of view that forces him to look past things like 'context' whenever it becomes inconvenient. He has to say in the post multiple times that like yeah, sure, Locke's view of who counted as a "person" worthy of having things like "rights" was, um...narrower than ours today, but he was still correct because I like him (and it's totally different from how other people cited, like Cicero, were incorrect hypocrites). Ignore the slavery and colonialism, same old same old, it is still correct and not at all laughable to claim that the United States was a nation formed on a defining principle of inalienable freedoms for every single person. He mentions that those things were obviously bad but doesn't see them as truly conflicting, more as growing pains. He even says the founding father's misogyny and racism (towards the enslaved specifically: indigenous people, and therefore the ACTUAL founding principles of the US colonial empire, go completely unmentioned) "[...] represented betrayals of the principles that otherwise document: the crime was common, the hypocrisy was special." American exceptionalism who? Obviously if he was saying we should instate a more 1:1 ancient roman government that would also be ridiculous. But my point is that he's asking the wrong questions about the society we have and what's wrong with it in the first place. He is often wrong about Rome and near-universally wrong about America.

Despite Sparta’s reputation for superior fighting, Spartan armies were as likely to lose battles as to win them, especially against peer opponents such as other Greek city-states. Sparta defeated Athens in the Peloponnesian War—but only by accepting Persian money to do it, reopening the door to Persian influence in the Aegean, which Greek victories at Plataea and Salamis nearly a century early had closed. Famous Spartan victories at Plataea and Mantinea were matched by consequential defeats at Pylos, Arginusae, and ultimately Leuctra. That last defeat at Leuctra, delivered by Thebes a mere 33 years after Sparta’s triumph over Athens, broke the back of Spartan power permanently, reducing Sparta to the status of a second-class power from which it never recovered. Sparta was one of the largest Greek city-states in the classical period, yet it struggled to achieve meaningful political objectives; the result of Spartan arms abroad was mostly failure. Sparta was particularly poor at logistics; while Athens could maintain armies across the Eastern Mediterranean, Sparta repeatedly struggled to keep an army in the field even within Greece. Indeed, Sparta spent the entirety of the initial phase of the Peloponnesian War, the Archidamian War (431-421 B.C.), failing to solve the basic logistical problem of operating long term in Attica, less than 150 miles overland from Sparta and just a few days on foot from the nearest friendly major port and market, Corinth. The Spartans were at best tactically and strategically uncreative. Tactically, Sparta employed the phalanx, a close-order shield and spear formation. But while elements of the hoplite phalanx are often presented in popular culture as uniquely Spartan, the formation and its equipment were common among the Greeks from at least the early fifth century, if not earlier. And beyond the phalanx, the Spartans were not innovators, slow to experiment with new tactics, combined arms, and naval operations. Instead, Spartan leaders consistently tried to solve their military problems with pitched hoplite battles. Spartan efforts to compel friendship by hoplite battle were particularly unsuccessful, as with the failed Spartan efforts to compel Corinth to rejoin the Spartan-led Peloponnesian League by force during the Corinthian War. Sparta’s military mediocrity seems inexplicable given the city-state’s popular reputation as a highly militarized society, but modern scholarship has shown that this, too, is mostly a mirage. The agoge, Sparta’s rearing system for citizen boys, frequently represented in popular culture as akin to an intense military bootcamp, in fact included no arms training or military drills and was primarily designed to instill obedience and conformity rather than skill at arms or tactics. In order to instill that obedience, the older boys were encouraged to police the younger boys with violence, with the result that even in adulthood Spartan citizens were liable to settle disputes with their fists, a tendency that predictably made them poor diplomats. But while Sparta’s military performance was merely mediocre, no better or worse than its Greek neighbors, Spartan politics makes it an exceptionally bad example for citizens or soldiers in a modern free society. Modern scholars continue to debate the degree to which ancient Sparta exercised a unique tyranny of the state over the lives of individual Spartan citizens. However, the Spartan citizenry represented only a tiny minority of people in Sparta, likely never more than 15 percent, including women of citizen status (who could not vote or hold office). Instead, the vast majority of people in Sparta, between 65 and 85 percent, were enslaved helots. (The remainder of the population was confined to Sparta’s bewildering array of noncitizen underclasses.) The figure is staggering, far higher than any other ancient Mediterranean state or, for instance, the antebellum American South, rightly termed a slave society with a third of its people enslaved.

[helenofsparta2]

Having the whole plot between Nico and Percy be resolved simply with “You’re not my type” in Blood of Olympus was such a huge disservice to both characters

They are pivotal parts to each others journey. No person in PJO influenced Nico as much as Percy did, aside from Bianca, and no person represents Percy’s guilt and the responsibility he had to shoulder more than Nico does. The writing for both characters really suffers through this lack of a real satisfying resolution.

First to talk about what Percy represents for Nico:

Percy, first of all, represents Nico’s introduction to the mythological world

He is the first demigod Nico ever came in contact with

He saved him and Bianca from the manticore (somewhat)

Nico stated in Blood of Olympus than Percy had reminded of the heroes of his mythomagic game come to life

Nico wholeheartedly believed that Bianca would be safe, if Percy was with her and created this image of the perfect hero in his mind, putting Percy on a pedestal

2.

In Nico’s mind Percy is irrevocably intertwined with Bianca and everything that happened to her

Despite Nico naively believing, that Bianca would be safe if Percy were around, he was instead the last person to ever talk to her, and present when she died

Percy informed Nico of her death (Dead silence. I stared at Chiron. I couldn’t believe nobody had told him yet. Then I realized why. They’d been waiting for us to appear, to tell Nico in person, Titan’s curse)

Nico turned him into the scapegoat for her death, so that he could let all his grief and anger and bitterness out on him

Bianca sent Iris-messages to Percy, so that he would find and help Nico (“Percy has been worried about you, Nico. He can help. I let him see what you were up to, hoping he would find you.”, Battle of the Labyrinth)

Her ghost only appeared to Nico when Percy was with him

Percy is the only person Nico knows of, who also grieved for Bianca (“Bianca,” I said. My voice was thick. I’d felt guilty about her death for a long time but seeing her in front of me was five times as bad, like her death was fresh and new. I remembered searching through the wreckage of the giant bronze warrior she’d sacrificed her life to defeat, and not finding any sign of her. “I’m so sorry,” I said. Battle of the Labyrinth)

3.

Percy is the person who protected and cared for Nico more than anyone else in pjo

Tried to convince Bianca to think more deeply about her decision of joining the hunters, especially thinking of him (“Biance, this is crazy,” I said. “What about your brother? Nico can’t be a hunter.” (Titan’s curse)

Searched the woods in the dark for hours after he had disappeared (Annabeth and Grover helped me search the woods for hours, but there was no sign of Nico di Angelo.)

Didn’t tell Chiron about Nico’s parentage to protect him from the Gods. (I don't think Nico understands who he is. But we can't go telling anyone. Not even Chiron. If the Olympians find out—") Titan’s curse)

Decided to completely commit to the prophecy, solely so Nico didn’t have to bear that burden and go trough any more suffering(It was the last thing I wanted, but I didn't say that. I knew I had to step up and claim it. "I can't let Nico be in any more danger," I said. "I owe that much to his sister. I… let them both down. I'm not going to let that poor kid suffer any more." ) Titan’s curse)

Searched for Nico in the months after Titan’s Curse (Now, six months later, I hadn’t even come close to finding him. It left a bitter taste in my mouth. Battle of the labyrinth, chapter 3))

Saved his life on Geryon’s farm. (“Either way, you get my friends,” I said. “But, if I succeed, you’ve got to let all of us go, including Nico.”)

Always offered Nico a place at camp half-blood to the best of his abilities (“We missed you at dinner,” I said. “You could’ve sat with me.”“No.”“Nico, you can’t miss every meal. If you don’t want to stay with Hermes, maybe they can make an exception and put you in the big house. They’ve got plenty of room.”, Battle of the Labyrinth)

Invited him to join him on his birthday (“Is that… is that blue birthday cake?”He sounded hungry, maybe a little wistful. I wondered if the poor kid had ever had a birthday party, or if he’d ever been invited to one. “Come inside for cake and ice cream,” I said. “It sounds like we’ve got a lot to talk about.”, Battle of the Labyrinth)

Reminded him that he was still a child (I smiled. “Maybe it’s okay to still be a kid once in a while.” I tossed him the statue, Battle of the Labyrinth)

Helped him to get the sword of hades back to impress his father (Then I looked at Nico. Unfortunately, I recognised the expression on his face. I knew what it was like wanting to make your dad proud, even if your dad was hard to love., Sword of hades)

Acknowledged everything Nico did in The last Olympian and is one of the main reasons why Hades has a cabin at camp. ( “But your children should not be left out. They should have a cabin at camp. Nico has proven that.”)

4.

Percy was Nico’s first, and after Will, his biggest love

Nico had feelings for Percy, which didn’t leave him for around 2 1/2 years, and accompanied him throughout the most challenging parts of his life. 

Feelings, which were so deep, the god of love personally acknowledged them.

Favonius even called Percy, the person Nico cares about most in House of Hades.

This was more than just a mere crush

Percy is so completely intertwined with most aspects of Nico’s character arc, in both PJO and Hoo, be it his feeling of ostracism, his relationship to Bianca or him coming to term with his own sexuality, that them not having a final interaction, makes his writing feel shallow and unfinished. Especially Nico coming to terms with his crush on Percy opens up the opportunity for a really heartwarming conversation and a moment of character growth and maturity for both of them, instead of it being wasted on one throw-away line.

And it’s the same the other way around. Nico is also a huge part of Percy’s journey.

He especially represents Percy’s biggest failure.

The first five Percy Jackson books are characterized by Percy having to take up responsibility and him being afraid of not being able to fulfill them. Be it responsibility for camp, the world, Bianca’s death, the prophecy, his friends, teh unclaimed demigods, or everything else. Most of the time, Percy was able to make sure everything turned out fine. He saved camp, he saved Olympus, he finished his quests, made the right decision for the prophecy, and he made the gods swear upon teh styx. But there’s one exception. And that is Nico.

Percy did everything in his power to make sure Nico would be spared any more hardships. He took up the burden of the prophecy, explicitly, so that Nico doesn’t have to go through any more hardships

He searched for him after Titan’s curse, kept his identity a secret and even risked himself, Annabeth, Grover and Tyson dying if it meant saving Nico

Still, Nico is one of the characters, if not the character, who has suffered the most in PJO and Hoo, even partly because of Percy (though, of course, Nico having a crush on him was not Percy’s fault at all)

He lived alone at 11 years old on the streets and in the labyrinth, while getting manipulated by an ancient evil spirit

He was isolated and ostracized at camp half-blood

He experienced the horrors of Tartarus completely on his own

He got captured by the giants and slowly suffocated to death in a small jar

He had to deal with internalized homophobia and his complicated feelings regarding Percy

He has been a vital part of two wars at only 15 years old

Had to admit his crush involuntarily in front of Jason, etc.  

One of the things Percy battles with in Heroes of Olympus is this overwhelming sense of guilt. He blames himself for almost everything that went wrong over the last few years. Be it for Iapetus, Calypso, or especially Nico. Having Percy acknowledge this complicated relationship he has with him during House of Hades, but not allowing the two of them to talk it out is genuinely baffling to me, and one of the (albeit many) reasons why I really don’t like most of Percy’s writing during Heroes of Olympus, despite the fact that he is my favourite character by far. This could have led to a moment of character growth, where Nico helps Percy to aknowledge that he feels guilty for things he had little to no control over, while Nico himself realizes how important he actually is to Percy.

They are also so similar in terms of who they are and what they’ve been through, that even if you ignore their history with each other, it seems insane, that they didn’t interact in any meaningful way:  

Both were ostracized at camp half-blood because of their parentage, and so far are the only two half-bloods we know of with that experience

They are (together with Hazel) the most powerful demigods in the Riordan verse, and have feats which far surpass anyone else’s

Both are in some way afraid of their powers

Both went through Tartarus

Both have relatively similar relationships to their godly parents

Both have gone through immense trauma and loss

And if you read heroes of Olympus, it actually very much seems to build towards a final resolution of their relationship

Percy and Nico were, aside from Frank, the two people closest to Hazel; both saw her as a little sister, and Hazel treated them both like her brothers

Nico was the first person Percy met from his old life

Percy was the one, who received the visions of Nico being captured

From everyone present, Percy trusted Nico to lead the others to Greece in his moment of greatest desperation

They both had introspections about the other in house of Hades, Nico having to deal with his crush and Percy with his guilt in Tartarus

But, in the end, after they met again, nothing happened. The only scene we really got was the “You’re not my type” line and Percy being surprised by it for a couple seconds. That’s it.

We saw no meaningful conversation between the two of them, no acknowledgement of what they’ve been through together, no lasting feelings. Nothing.

In regards to their relationship, Percy acknowledging everything that Nico has been through led to nothing. Nico acknowledging his feelings for Percy and finally letting go of this pedestal he had placed him on led to nothing. You could argue that their entire relationship, which has been built up since Titan’s curse led to nothing. And considering that they are so important characters for each of their character arcs, their characterization very much suffers from this writing decision.

The two of them, together with Hazel, are my three favourite Riordan verse characters by a long shot, but some very important aspects of both of their characters fall so flat to me through this lack of a satisfying resolution.

 Both of them deserved so much better.  

They are the friendship with the most missed potential in the entirety of the Riordan verse and probably the most fleshed out and nuanced relationship Rick ever wrote.

R.I.P.  Nico di Angelo, and Percy Jackson, you will always be brothers in my mind.

[vroom--vrooming]

Lando Norris x Girlfriend!Reader

University AU. Lando despises libraries, but missing you drives him to the one place he swore to avoid.

The library is quiet, except for the faint sound of pages turning and pens scratching against paper. It's your favorite place on campus, especially during exam season. The tall shelves are packed with books, the air smells faintly of old paper, and the warm lighting creates a cozy atmosphere. You’re at your usual corner, surrounded by an intimidating stack of textbooks, your laptop, and your trusty sketchpad and notebook.

Your hair is tucked back behind your ears, and you’ve barely touched the iced coffee sitting on your table. Architecture exams are brutal, and your mind is buried in blueprints and calculations.

Meanwhile, Lando is pacing in his dorm, looking at his phone every five minutes. He hasn’t seen you all day, and it’s driving him insane. He’s texted you twice—no response. Called you once—you declined. You told him you were studying for your exams, but he misses you too much to stay away.

So, for the first time in his university life, Lando decides to do the unthinkable. He heads to the library.

The moment he steps inside, the quiet buzz of the room shifts. Heads turn, whispers ripple across the space, and people glance at him with wide eyes. Lando Norris? In the library? It’s practically campus legend that he’s never set foot in here.

But Lando doesn’t care. His eyes scan the room until they land on you, sitting at your usual spot, completely absorbed in your work. A soft smile spreads across his face. You’re beautiful, even in your stressed-out, focused state.

He walks toward you, his sneakers squeaking slightly on the polished floor. The sound draws even more attention, and now people are openly staring. Lando Norris, campus joker, actually in the library? It’s like a solar eclipse—rare and impossible to ignore.

You don’t even notice him. Your pencil moves furiously over the paper, your brow furrowed in concentration. Lando stops right beside you, watching you with an affectionate grin. He sits down quietly, resting his chin on his hand as he admires you.

For a few seconds, he just looks at you, soaking in the sight of you biting your lip in concentration. It’s adorable.

You turn the page of your notebook and finally notice him sitting there. You let out a small scream, your eyes wide with surprise.

“Lando!” you hiss, your voice a mix of shock and confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you,” he says simply, his voice soft but with a playful edge. “And honestly, this place isn’t too bad. Quiet, cozy... I think it’s a great spot for a date.”

You stare at him, still processing the fact that he’s here. In the library. You glance around and immediately notice the other students staring, some whispering to each other.

“Everyone’s looking at you,” you whisper, leaning closer to him.

He shrugs, completely unbothered. “Let them. They’re probably just jealous I’m sitting next to the prettiest girl in here.”

You roll your eyes, your cheeks flushing slightly. He’s ridiculous. “Seriously, Lando. What are you doing here?”

“Told you, I missed you,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “You’ve been ignoring me all day. How could I not come find you?”

You shake your head, but there’s a small smile tugging at your lips. You get up, heading to a nearby shelf, and return with a thick textbook. You place it in front of him.

“Since you’re here, you might as well study,” you say firmly.

Lando stares at the book like it’s a foreign object. “Study?” he echoes, looking at you like you’ve just suggested he run a marathon. “I didn’t come here to study. I came to watch you.”

“If you want to stay, you’re studying,” you insist, crossing your arms.

He groans, flopping dramatically in his chair. “You’re so mean to me,” he whines, but there’s a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Start reading,” you say, pointing at the book.

With a dramatic sigh, he flips it open, but within seconds, his eyes drift back to you. He drags his chair closer to yours, the legs scraping softly against the floor.

“You’re so cute when you’re serious,” he whispers, his tone low and teasing.

“Lando,” you warn, trying to keep your face stern, but your cheeks are already warm.

“I can’t help it,” he says, smirking. “You’re irresistible.”

You shake your head, biting back a smile. The students around you are still sneaking glances, some clearly entertained by the scene.

“Focus, Lando,” you say, turning back to your work.

“I am focusing,” he retorts, resting his chin on his hand. “On you.”

Despite his protests, Lando eventually starts flipping through the book, though it’s clear he’s not actually reading. Every now and then, he leans closer to whisper another ridiculous compliment, making your face heat up even more.

After about an hour, the teasing stops. You glance over and see Lando slumped over the book, his head resting on his folded arms. He’s fast asleep, his messy curls falling across his forehead.

A soft smile spreads across your face as you watch him. You shift closer, leaning gently against his shoulder while you continue studying. The library feels a little warmer, a little cozier with him there.

[peppermintquartz]

I'm feeling bitchily critical today so. Let's get critical.

Reasons why Season 8 of 911 (so far) sucks:

Bobby and Athena are aimless

They have no house. The logical development is for them to look for one, one for their future. That is theirs. Where are the house hunting woes? The disageeements and compromises? Are they ever going to have a chance to find a place they both love? Or build one, even?

Athena's job description is all over the place

She's giving school talks. She's conducting traffic stops. She's escorting a prisoner across state lines. She is mentoring new officers. She's a goddamn Sergeant but what is her job scope? Every single thing requiring the presence of police, apparently!

Hen and Karen have little direction for growth

The Mara adoption issue could have brought out more of their relationship, developed them in terms of relying on each other through a difficult time. The storyline with Ortiz could have really delved into the struggles of the foster care system, and how Hen and Karen broke rules designed to protect the kids. (Seriously, if a child is removed from a foster family, it's logical not allowing the foster parents to meet the child that was removed for the safety of the child). Where was the appeal to Ortiz as a mother? Where was the struggle? Where is the tension between the Wilsons and the Hans? Instead there was a Deux Ex Gerrard. And I am not even gonna start on the whole "why didn't you take leave for Halloween" shit, that stuff should have been settled when Denny was a baby. What are their next steps? Same old same old?

Gerrard is a joke

An established bigot and racist returns. He could have been a great way to show how the 118 has grown beyond him and his bullying. Instead they're cowed by him, and lets him yell at Buck? Whatever happened to the "who cares" courage in Season 7? And he gets the reward of his dream job?

Eddie is still not healed

He emotionally cheated on his girlfriend with his dead wife's doppelganger. Has he even processed what that actually means? No! His son moved to Texas. Has he coped with the loneliness in his house? Who knows? Certainly not the audience, since we don't see him go to therapy or, hell, have a full breakdown! He confides in people who aren't his friends, let alone his so-called best friend! Bobby gave him a prayer book but we don't even hear Eddie rage at a God who keeps putting devastation and challenges in his way. What wa the point of the prayer book then? He just danced in his underwear and somehow that made him smile and now he's moving across the country and, what, giving up on his home and his job? Is that really healing, Edmundo Díaz? Or are you just running from the problem again?

Chimney has no internal or external motivation

He was providing for Mara for a few months. Was he stressed about it? Did he think about seeking a promotion for a higher salary? Also, he is an immigrant. Does that influence how he teaches Jee? Has he and Maddie, white suburban raised Maddie, ever discussed the potential problems Jee might face? Or whether they wanna include some Korean culture in Jee's education, since they gave her a Korean name? Does he ever think about any of these issues? Is he at all conflicted? What does Chimney want?

Maddie

She was the one who wanted to meet Tommy. Has she done so outside of the wedding? What was her opinion of him? Is Maddie content to stay in Dispatch in the exact same position? Has she any career ambition? And about Jee: does she never think about the Korean part of Jee? Connecting to her own culture? Learning Korean, maybe? That would have been interesting because perhaps she wants her daughter to connect to that part of her roots but Chimney doesn't, for his own reasons. Also, if she wants to have a second kid, why didn't she discuss it with Chimney outright before the pregnancy? Was she not taking the pill? Were they careless again? What would she do if Chimney didn't want a second child? Abort? Given how the first pregnancy was traumatic for the whole family, including her brother, this development is showing her to be pretty self-centered, frankly. I don't know this Maddie. She's not the same one that gave Buck her Jeep to escape, knowing that she'll be hurt by an abusive husband.

Brad

Why is airtime devoted to a character that is barely connected to the 118? What is the reason behind giving him so much focus? Is he supposed to quit acting and become a firefighter or something? What is the rationale for his existence?

.

.

And I haven't even touched on Buck or Tommy.

[weemietime]

https://www.tumblr.com/weemietime/767670429687152640?source=share

I suppose it was easy for me to fall into the Hamasnik trap due to my habit of black and white thinking, which I wish I could blame on my autism, my ocd, or my horrible mental state, but I’m just incredibly stupid lol. But yeah, I was very much a hamasnik myself.

For some reason my mind refused to accept or recognise the nuance of a history that I wasn't even well versed on in the first place. I also think that the constant reductionism presented to me played a part. There’s a lot of reductionism that goes on within the Hamasnik circles, and it goes hand in hand with anti intellectualism. Statements like “this isn’t complex! How can you see these videos of these Palestinian children (videos that I later found out were actually from Syria, but I couldn’t tell, I just ate it up) and think that Israel/Palestine is complex!”

The whole thing of blocking everyone who has a different opinion or ideology (the ideology in question being Zionism, or at least what hamasniks consider to be Zionism) from you and refusing to follow certain news channels because they’ve shown sympathy for those who have a different ideology from you, refusing to read certain books from authors who have expressed empathy for those same people, all of this together effectively creates an echo chamber of the same opinions and views being regurgitated over and over and over again constantly.

Then sprinkle in constant videos of people dying and blood everywhere, videos that you don’t even know where the people are from, whether they be from Gaza, from Syria, Lebanon, or Yemen, but it doesn’t matter because they speak Arabic so it MUST be about the Gazans specifically according to the Hamasnik group you’re apart of, all of these videos you’re being told to constantly watch over and over again because according to the Hamasnik cult you’re in, “if you look away from the violence even ONCE, you’re complicit in genocide! You’re personally responsible for genocide if you look away! The people in Gaza never get a mental health break or comfort so why should you?”

That very same rhetoric is the reason why a lot of you Jewish people can’t find yourself able to escape on fandom spaces and shit like that, the antisemitism you encounter in spaces you thought you were safe in? Yeah it’s because these people are being told that they have to constantly talk about what’s going on in every single space they’re in and that they can’t look away because if they do, they’re considered complicit in the killing of Gazans so they have to let everyone else know the same.

There are a lot of people who are purposefully antisemitic, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me excusing anyone. I’m just saying that a number of these people genuinely believe that they’re doing something for the greater good by constantly being antisemitic. They don’t consider themselves antisemitic because the echo chamber they’re in has convinced them that Jewish people aren’t experiencing anything, that Jewish people are fine. That it’s the “big bad” that they’re hurting, not the Jews. It’s the “big and scary Zionists!” At least that’s what happened in my case. Constantly told that if I took a break even once, the blood of the Gazans, the blood of every. single. person in Gaza, would be on my own two hands.

You might not believe me, but when you’ve trapped a person in an echo chamber like that, it’s very easy to convince them that an entire country is evil, that every single Israeli is wicked and corrupt and should die and that anyone who expresses an ounce of empathy for them is a “Zionist” and should die as well.

You could’ve told me anything a few months ago. Absolutely anything bad about Israelis and I would’ve believed you. Because I’d scroll social media and see videos of children dying, people being beaten, buildings being destroyed, everything. Then I’d scroll some more and see videos of Israelis doing everyday things, videos of people having fun, videos of people eating, etc, and I found it so unfair that they (according to hamasnik rhetoric) were living in absolute peace while Palestinians are dying right next to them. Then I’d scroll some more and see videos of the IDF (I actually don’t even know if the videos were even of the IDF or not, but as I said, you could’ve told me anything and I’d have believed you. I genuinely believed that it was the IDF) shooting people, beating people, etc. And I was told to look at these videos everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. A lot of the Hamasnik mouthpieces take advantage of the average westerner’s inability to understand Arabic or Hebrew, so there’s a lot of mistranslated videos of Israelis saying they want every Arab dead, a lot of mistranslated Al Jazeera videos of people in Amsterdam for example, saying “يهودي قذر" (dirty Jew) with the wrong captions on and then us non Arabic speaking cult trapped people are none the wiser to what that means because we refuse to engage with any sources that won’t fit our narrative, because we’re complicit in death if we step outside the narrative.

I don’t believe that Zionists should die, but I did. I don’t believe that the hostages should suffer, but I did. I truly believed the worst of things, and perpetuated horrible antisemitism, because I genuinely believed that I was doing good. I found myself justifying unspeakable acts, and saying unspeakable things, things that I would have whole heartedly condemned prior, because I genuinely thought I was doing something right. For example, prior to me falling into that cultish trap, I would’ve wholeheartedly condemned saying a slur coined by David fucking Duke. But after? As I said, I was doing and saying unspeakable things.

I would watch videos from Hamasniks everyday, perpetuate antisemitism everyday, go to sleep and dream about that stuff, and wake up and do it all again, first thing in the morning. A vicious cycle.

And unknowingly somewhere else around the world, some Jewish or Israeli person would wake up, witness antisemitism everyday, witness people wishing the worst upon the hostages, the Jews, the Israelis, the Zionists, everyday, go to sleep terrified for what’s happening to their people, and wake up and see it all again first thing in the morning. Another vicious cycle.

I wish I had a better answer for you, I do. An answer that’s more digestible and less disturbing. I wish I could undo everything that I’ve said and done to the people I’ve hurt whether that be in real life or online. I truly am sorry, and I wish that an apology would fix everything, but it won’t. I wish that all the pain I inflicted on all the Jewish people and Israeli people could be taken away and that I would feel that pain tenfold.

If it’s any consolation or solace, I hate myself more than any of you combined. There is nobody who hates me more than me at this current moment in time and I absolutely do deserve every ounce of pain inflicted upon me, whether it be mental or physical. If you wish death upon me, just know that I do agree with you, but unfortunately previous attempts have failed.

I deleted all of my old posts from that period of time to avoid people getting hurt by them anymore, but I think I’ve done too much damage for me to be a good ally, so I just say nothing now, but I truly do wish the best for all of you and I wish that all of this would stop and that the hostages will be found, hopefully alive.

My apologies for writing a whole Bible in your asks, I truly didn’t mean to.

TLDR - reductionism and anti-intellectualism combined with trapping yourself in an echo chamber of regurgitated rhetoric and constantly regurgitating said rhetoric is a quick way to find yourself dabbling in extremism.

To avoid falling into a trap such as this, avoid generalisations of races, ethnic groups, and the like, look for nuance, try hear people out even when you don’t understand them, instead of blocking them (this is in reference to me blocking every single person who opposed my hamasnik ideology at the time. You should probably block hamasniks, they tend to harass Jewish people a lot), and remember that if someone tells you that a whole war isn’t complex, they’re lying. It absolutely is.

I hope you've been able to see the other responses your other ask has gotten as well! Truly, you aren't someone who I hate. Personally, I do forgive you. Other people may not, and that's their right. But I know first-hand what it's like to be radicalized and to not only commit to extreme rhetoric but also extreme actions. I've learned to have compassion for myself, and I hope that with time you will undergo a similar process.

Someone else said it, "you can't hate yourself into being a better person." All of us, as beings, grow with love and kindness. War is hard it's horrific, and hellish. You're constantly exposed to this violent imagery, this extreme rhetoric, and your whole friend groups are getting in on it. I understand exactly how it happens, and I do have sympathy for it.

To me, the most important part of your story isn't the worst shit you've ever done. It's this part. The part where you learn how to be better, and so you do better, and reach out across the divides and bridge those gaps that have formed. That is a very human story.

[shuacore]

svt & subspace (m)

1.4k a/n: again... idk where this came from.. just something i've been thinking abt the past couple days yippee!! (NSFW)

seungcheol — the first time you hit true subspace it turns him on to no end. loooves knowing he can make you feel so good your mind goes blank (he'll never let you forget it). you turn even more pliant, willing to do anything he wants you to do. he makes sure you know your safe word before anything else, sometimes repeating the question over and over until he gets a clear answer. despite how much he might want it, seungcheol will usually stop you from doing things just to please him, knowing your altered state might be urging you to do things you can’t fully consent to. seungcheol thinks subspace is hot, but only if you’re present enough to stop anything you don’t want to do. 

jeonghan — like seungcheol, jeonghan loves seeing you slip into subspace, loves seeing how you turn to putty in his hands, how willing you become to please him. with how eager and cocky jeonghan is, it’s not unusual for you to float away during sex right before an orgasm or after an intense one. unlike seungcheol, however, if you want him to face fuck you while you’re in subspace who is he to say no? will make sure you have a clear safe word/gesture, and will ask you to repeat it to him a few times before you start. always asks you a few times if you’re sure. it’s not the most productive when he has to drag answers out of you, but the last thing he wants to do is hurt his angel when you’re so ready to please him.

joshua — joshua cares about you so much and wants you to know that he’ll always be there to take care of you. he lets you know he’s there by slipping his hand into yours, grounding you. physical touch is a big thing for him, slowly bringing you back down to your body when you’re ready. joshua is so in tune with you and your body he knows exactly where to touch you and what to say to keep the good feelings going. subspace usually happens for you right before you come, and—like clockwork—as soon as he reminds you how much he loves you it sends you right over the edge where joshua is ready to catch you. 

jun — you’ve talked about it being a thing, but jun never thought he would actually get see it happen. the first time it happens, he sees the moment you feel pleasure so intense you lose the ability to speak. he never thought he’d be that good and he’s both a little surprised and also soooo turned on by the way you go limp, eyes almost rolled back in your head as haze overtakes you. the first time it happens, jun’s a little too eager and yanks you out of it a little too fast, leaving you a little disoriented. he feels really bad about it after, but jun is a quick learner and picks up on what you like and how to make the experience as enjoyable as possible for the both of you.

wonwoo — wonwoo’s thing is degradation, and after a particularly rough session of degradation and humiliation it sends you right over the edge into a floaty headspace. you don’t even have to come to get there. he’ll usually keep teasing you, dragging out your dumb state for as long as possible. he knows, however, that he can get intense during scenes so when you eventually come down he’s careful to give you lots of loving and praises for taking it so well. wonwoo loves to be mean, but he also loves you and wants you to know that none of what he says is true.

woozi — jihoon is split half and half. finds it hot, also not always the most patient. he loves to rile you up, watch you lean into it and inflate his ego. he loves making you feel good, but he also wants to good. when you linger in subspace for a long time he gets a little impatient and tries to bring you down before you're ready. he doesn't do it to be rude or mean, he just wants to keep loving on you. things to do (you) and places to be (work)!

hoshi — soonyoung loves to be the best at everything. whether that’s performing on stage or in the bedroom, he needs to know that he’s on top. (literally.) he loves to be mean and see you fold under his silver tongue—he loves to go back and forth between sickly praise and cold degradation and see you writhe and beg under him. seeing you sink into subspace goes straight to his dick and his ego. will always praise you after, letting you know he enjoyed it and wants to make sure you enjoyed it, too. you find it sexy how much soonyoung cares, which makes it that much easier for you to trust him so wholly.

minghao — minghao is all about trust, and he finds it sexy that you trust him enough to let him be with you when you slip into subspace. minghao isn’t a gentle lover, per se, but he is intense and prioritizes intimacy above all else. he knows it’s a delicate and deeply personal state to be in around someone else and will never make you do anything transactional. if he’s feeling extra mean, however, he’ll make fun of you for being so compliant...which usually goes straight to your core, leading to another round.

mingyu — mingyu is torn between finding it the hottest thing ever and trying not to panic (just a little) when you go nonverbal. on one hand yeah, he fucked your brains out and turned you ultra-dumb but on the other hey, are you okay baby? can you say something please? mingyu is sometimes too good with his cock for his own good that he’s always a little surprised when you enjoy it that much. he also secretly enjoys how needy it makes you and how you cling to him and love all up on him after a vigorous round.

dokyeom — short answer: freaks out. the likelihood of slipping into full subspace with a man who hates the idea of people being mad at him is… low. but once seokmin tried being meaner than usual with his words and his cock and it turned you on so much that after your fourth orgasm in a row you go nonverbal. seokmin stresses, petting your hair, asking you to breathe for him, to say something, “are you okay?? hey, what’s happening?” until you slowly come back to earth (after the fact you tease him a little for wigging out so much, but secretly you’re touched he cares just that much.) safe to say, the two of you don’t take it that far very often. 

seungkwan — seungkwan seems the type to be more gentle and doesn’t really like being mean to you, so it seems like it’d be rare. but maybe, like seokmin, he switches it up every now and then and the change in pace is so hot to you that you become more sensitive to his touch and his words. it leaves you feeling a little lightheaded, making it easier for you to slip into subspace. the first time it happens, seungkwan is a little stressed but lets you stay in it as long as you need to. when you come down he wants to talk about your triggers so he can be more prepared to keep you feeling as good as possible.

vernon — ever the silent support, vernon will stay with you the whole time, maybe petting your cheek or rubbing circles into your hips with his thumbs until you float back down to earth. he thinks it’s hot he can make you feel that good, but doesn’t ever want to yank you out of it, so he lets you feel what you need to for as long as possible. sometimes if it’s been a while, vernon will press a few kisses to your cheek and ask if you’re doing good. if you don’t respond he’ll leave you be, reminding you every once in a while he’s still here with you. once you come down he’s there with a few quiet praises and reminders how much he loves you. 

dino — likes knowing he can send you there. (a lot.) his favorite method is a combo of taunting and edging and watching you get completely lost in pleasure when he finally lets you come. chan looooves seeing you go all dumb, words jumbled as you tell him how good he makes you feel. unless you explicitly say it’s okay before a session, he’s not super keen on forcing you to do anything when you’re not entirely present in your head. the only thing chan loves more than making you feel amazing is taking care of you after, supplying you with plenty of attention and love to keep you warm.

--

come yell at me! tell me your fantasies and your fears!

other stuuuuff :P

[tortillamastersblog]

Back To You - Part 3 | Sam Carpenter

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x reader

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, blood, injuries, and swearing

Summary: When Sam left after turning eighteen, you were devastated. You’d been in love with her since you were kids and her leaving meant you never got to tell her how you truly felt.

Fast forward a couple of years, Tara gets attacked and Sam returns. . .

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

_______________________________________________

“I’ve got a body outside a bar on Main, and then you get attacked here.” Sheriff Hicks almost sounds accusing as she looks at Sam while speaking. “You said the call came from Amber’s number?”

Sam nods faintly, a distant look in her eyes. She’s been like this ever since she and Richie came back into Tara’s room, and even though I know I shouldn’t be, I’m worried.

Not only did she almost get killed, she’s also got something on her mind that’s upsetting her. I know because she’s got that telltale crinkle of hers in her eyebrows.

“So?” Amber pipes up next to me. She came in a couple of minutes ago with Sheriff Hicks. “We know he called on my phone before when he attacked Tara.”

True, but it’s still a little weird. Why wouldn’t he just use a burner phone to make the calls?

I glance at Tara to see what she thinks about all this, but she’s just looking back and forth between Amber and Hicks, fear and uncertainty written all over her face. First she was attacked and now Sam.

Who’s going to be next?

“Or, and I’m just spit-balling here. . . You’re the killer,” Richie says and even though I neither like, nor trust him, I have to admit, he’s got a point.

Offended, Amber crosses her arms and stares at him incredulously. She looks like she’s about to say something to defend herself, but then Sheriff Hicks beats her to it.

She turns to him and narrows her eyes. “And where were you wenn all of this happened?”

Richie falters slightly and I can see him tighten his grip around Sam’s hand which he’s been holding ever since they came in. “I was. . . watching Netflix.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. Of course he was, how convenient. . .

Seemingly reading my mind, Amber scoffs and says, “Ooh, yeah. Super solid alibi, bro.”

“So, where were you?” He fires back. Then, he looks at me with raised eyebrows. “And what about you? Hmm? You just so happened to walk around the corner right after Sam was attacked?”

I stiffen and it takes everything in me not to walk around Tara’s bed and slap him. How dare he? I would never try to hurt Sam, or Tara for that matter. I can barely even kill bugs because I feel sorry for them, so how could I possibly hurt another human being like that?

“Excuse me?” My voice is low and dangerous and the only thing that stops me from snapping is Tara who grabs a hold of my sleeve. “How would I even do that? I’m injured, and I literally just got back to the hospital.”

Richie snorts. “So you say, but you wouldn’t be the first psychotic killer to fake getting hurt to divert suspicion from yourself.”

Fury pulses through my veins, but I don’t move or speak. Tara’s grip on my sleeve tightens and much to my relief, Sheriff Hicks comes to my defense while Sam continues to stare vacantly at a spot on the opposite wall.

“It wasn’t Y/N, or Amber,” she states. “Surveillance footage shows Y/N entering the hospital during the time of the attack, and it was’t Amber because I was questioning her and her friends at the sheriff’s station.”

I give her a thankful nod and place my hand over Tara’s, silently telling her that I’m not going to lash out.

“Yeah,” Amber says, leveling Richie with a glare. “I came as soon as I heard, but, you know, the Netflix alibi is good, too.”

I must admit, Amber and I never really clicked for whatever reason, but right now, she’s my favorite person.

Sheriff Hicks lets out an exasperated sigh and hands Amber her phone back. “Okay, both of you, stop it.”

“You’re going to put more cops on her room, right?”Sam’s voice takes me by surprise.

Tara glances at her sister and then back Hicks while Amber and Richie continue glaring at each other.

“Yes.” The sheriff’s face softens. “And I can move you to a private floor. Deputy Vinson knows what he’s doing, you’ll be safe.”

That last part seems to have been the wrong thing to say because Sam bristles. “Like we’ve been so far?”

Oh dear. . .

The air in the room shifts and I bite the inside of my cheek, waiting for Sheriff Hicks’s reaction.

I know Sam can be short tempered and people usually dismiss it, but I fear this time she might have crossed a line. Sheriff Hicks is only trying to help, and Sam questioning said help isn’t doing anyone any good.

“Samantha, let’s step outside.” The tight lipped smile on the sheriff’s face makes me cringe and be thankful I’m not on the receiving end of it.

Sam clenches her jaw and looks at all of us for a moment before getting up and leaving the room with Sheriff Hicks.

Not even a minute later she returns, alone, and stands by the open door with a defeated look on her face. “Well, she remains a delight. . .”

I can’t help the way my lips twitch in slight amusement, and when Sam’s eyes meet mine, a bitter sweet smile briefly tugs at her lips.

“Are you okay?” Tara asks, putting an end to our little . . . moment?

Sam’s eyes dart to Richie, Amber, and then back to me. “Uh, actually. Would you mind giving us a second? I need to talk to Tara.”

“Of course,” I say quietly, squeezing Tara’s hand reassuringly. “I’ll be outside if you need anything.”

She smiles softly and let’s go of my sleeve, watching Amber, Richie and me file out of the room before Sam closes the door behind us.

“So, you’re a fan of the Hawks?” Deputy Vinson asks when I run into him outside the bathroom.

“What? Oh.” I look down when he points at my hockey sweater. “Yes, kind of. I’m on the team.”

“Really?” He smiles.

“Yeah, but I don’t play professionally yet because I’m currently working on getting my Masters degree,” I explain.

Vinson lets out an impressed whistle. “Nice. So, you’re planning on playing professionally once you’re done?”

I shrug. “That’s the plan, yes, but we’ll see what happens.”

He nods and smiles. “Good for you.”

“Thanks.” I smile back and point my thumb over my shoulder. “I should go. Tara might need something and I think I forgot my phone in her room.”

He nods again and ushers me to get going. I chuckle and turn to leave, feeling my smile drop a moment later when I round the corner and see Richie standing at the door to Tara’s room, clearly listening to what’s being said inside.

“Hey!”

He flinches and steps away from the door, his eyes widening when he sees me.

“What are you doing? Are you eavesdropping?” I know the question is unnecessary, because he clearly is, but I want to make him squirm.

He takes another step back and raises his hands defensively. “What? No, of course not.”

I continue walking toward him, closing the distance between us until we’re almost toe to toe. We’re the same height, so I can’t say I’m looking down when I level him with a challenging stare, yet he seems to be shrinking in on himself the longer I stare at him.

“I was just— I wasn’t,” he stutters, trying to explain himself, but then a shout from inside the room cuts him off.

“Get the fuck out!”

Tara.

A second later the door opens and Sam comes out with tears streaming down her face. She winces when she sees Richie and me and quickly wipes at her eyes while trying to suppress a sob.

What happened in there?

The look on her face and the tears in her eyes remind me of the night eleven years ago when she snuck into my room. I still don’t know why she did it back then, but I have a feeling it’s related to whatever just happened between her and Tara.

Unlike that night eleven years ago though, I don’t make a move to comfort her. Not necessarily because I don’t want to, I do and don’t at the same time, but because Richie beats me to it.

He pulls Sam into a hug and looks at me over her shoulder, daring me to continue my interrogation from before. And even though I would love to do nothing more than just that, I drop it and slip into the room.

If Sam is this upset, there’s a good chance Tara’s not doing any better either, and when I see her, sitting in her bed with her own tears streaming down her cheeks, I’m proven right.

I close the door behind me and quickly make my way to the bed, sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” I whisper when she moves closer and buries her face in my shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

“No. . .” She whimpers and hugs my waist. “Sam. . . She- She—“

“You don’t have to tell me what happened.” I cut her off, but she shakes her head.

“N-No, I do. You have to know,” she says, her voice muffled by our embrace.

I raise an eyebrow even though she can’t see it and ask, “Know what?”

Tara shudders and tightens her arms around me. “Billy Loomis is Sam’s real dad.“

Five years ago

“There you go, buddy. Sleep tight.” I laugh when Liam groans and buries his face in his pillow. He called me half an hour ago to pick him up from a party because Paige is sleeping at her girlfriend’s tonight and he didn’t want to bother her.

“Thank youuu, I love you,” he slurs and I just pat him on the back.

“I love you, too, dude.“ I go to the kitchen and fill a glass of water before returning to his room and placing it on his nightstand next to some painkillers. “Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles again and then he’s out like a light.

I leave the apartment, locking the front door, and get into my car to start the short drive home.

It’s almost one in the morning, and I’m exhausted, but I’m glad Liam called me instead of driving home himself.

Yes it’s late, and yes, I’m tired, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if anything had happened to him if he’d gotten into his car, drunk, and gotten into an accident.

My parents woke up when I was on my way out, asking where I was going and when I told them, they simply told me to drive safely before going back to bed.

Now, I’m almost back home, and I can practically already feel the warm embrace of my bed again, but then I spot something that makes my heart stop.

Stumbling along the side walk with a man hot on her heels is Sam. The man keeps grabbing her arm, saying something, and she keeps brushing him off, obviously uncomfortable.

Her movements are uncoordinated and I hate the fact that I know why.

She’s high again.

Without thinking, I drive past them and pull over, stopping the car on the side walk right in front of them.

“Hey! Take a hike, dude,” I say, getting out of the car.

Sam and the man both come to a halt and stare at me. Sam barely even registers what’s going on, her glassy eyes staring right through me while the man scoffs and steps up to me.

“Mind your own business,” he growls. He seems to be in his thirties, has a buzz cut, and has a tattoo of a tiny rose on his temple.

“Sorry— No can do, pal,” I say calmly, trying not to cringe at the smell of alcohol on his breath. “She’s my friend, and you’re bothering her, so leave.”

“Or what?” he asks, smirking and revealing his chipped front tooth.

I sigh. “Or we’re going to have a problem.”

“Yeah?” He laughs and shoves me slightly. “What are you going to do, kid? Hmm? Call your parents? Or—“

My fist connects with his jaw, and a second later he’s on the ground, unconscious.

Was that a bit of an overreaction? Maybe. But did he deserve it? Definitely.

“Y/N!” Sam gapes at me. “W-What did you do?”

Even though she’s high, she doesn’t seem to have lost all of her ability to think straight. She sways on her feet and goes to crouch down next to the man, but I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and pull her back up.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” I say. She smells like alcohol, too, and I don’t even want to imagine the amount of drugs and alcohol she’s consumed tonight.

“No,” she slurs, weakly clawing at my arms. “I don’t— I don’t wanna go home. I wanna go— I wanna go with Josh.”

“Josh?” I ask. “You know that guy?”

“No— I mean, yes a little. He bought me a drink and—”

“He was trying to take advantage of you!” I argue, not letting go of her.

“No, he wasn’t!” she shouts and I cringe, hoping no one wakes up and looks out of their window because of her.

We’re in a quiet neighborhood, and I’m almost certain if someone saw us right now, they’d call the cops because they think I’m trying to kidnap her.

And I wouldn’t even blame them for it, because it definitely looks like it, but I’m really just trying to help.

This isn’t the first time I’ve taken her home after finding her high, and even though I’m used to the protest she puts up, the next thing she says catches me off guard.

“You always ruin everything, Y/N!”

I freeze and try not to let it get to my head, but her words tug at my heart painfully.

She doesn’t mean it. She doesn’t know what she’s saying.

I swallow the growing lump in my throat and loosen my hold on her a little. “Come on, Sam. I don’t want to fight. Just get in the car.”

Much to my surprise, a moment later, the fight leaves her body and she wordlessly let’s me lead her to the car.

I open the passenger door and help her in, making sure to put her seatbelt on before closing the door again and rounding the front of the car to get to the driver’s side.

As I open the door, the man, Josh, starts to regain consciousness. He groans and twists on the ground, making me roll my eyes.

Pathetic.

I know he’ll be fine since I didn’t hit him that hard, so I get in the car and pull back onto the road, leaving him behind just as he’s getting back up.

“I hate you,” Sam whispers a minute later. Her voice sounds clearer than before and the venom lacing her words makes me believe she actually means it.

She’s said it before, especially the first few times I picked her up from a party, but she’s never said it like this before.

It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she’s safe.

There’s a big chance she won’t even remember saying it tomorrow morning, but I know I will.

Neither one of us says anything else while I drive until I pull up next to the curb by our houses.

Seeing Christina Carpenter’s car in Sam’s driveway, I figure it’s not the best idea to drag her up to their front door and ring the doorbell, so I take her to my house after helping her out of the car.

She’s back to being completely high, head lolling from side to side and steps totally uncoordinated, so as soon as we get inside, I pick her up and carry her up to my room.

I expected her to protest, to tell me to put her down immediately, but she doesn’t. Instead she wraps her arms around my neck and holds onto me while I carry her.

“Alright, here we go,” I whisper when we make it to my room. I’m not afraid of waking my parents because they’d understand why I brought Sam here instead of taking her home, but I don’t want them to worry, so I try to stay as quiet as possible.

It turns out, opening a door with a whole ass person in my arms is more of a challenge than I thought, but I eventually manage to get it open, stepping inside and closing it behind us again with a soft click.

“‘M tired,” Sam mumbles, her fingers curling around the fabric of my jacket.

“Yeah, I bet,” I say quietly, feeling my own exhaustion wash over me. “Just a little longer, then you can sleep.”

I gently place her on the bed and take off her shoes before pulling the comforter out from underneath her.

“Do you need anything else? Something to drink? A sweater,” I ask, but Sam doesn’t answer. She has her eyes closed and it looks like she’s already asleep. When I move to sleep on my couch on the other side of the room though, her hand shoots out and she grabs my wrist.

“Just you.”

I hesitate and try to ignore the way my skin tingles where she’s touching me.

I hate you.

The memory of her words stings and makes my heart ache, but then she opens her eyes and looks at me pleadingly.

It’s the kind of look she always uses when she wants something from me, so a moment later, I cave and slowly slip into bed next to her.

“Thank you,” she whispers and the sincerity with which she says it makes tears well up in my eyes.

First she says she hates me, then she asks me to sleep in the same bed with her.

I’m so confused and exhausted, it hurts, and I don’t know how much longer I can endure this emotional roller coaster.

She changed after that night six years ago when she snuck into my room, and at first I thought it was just a phase, but then her dad left and as time went on, she pulled away more and more, avoiding me until, eventually, she started drinking and doing drugs.

There are moments where her old self shines through, like last week, when we had a movie night with Tara and my parents, but those moments are rare and these days, they’re basically nonexistent.

“Y/N?”

I freeze, her sleepy voice bringing me back to reality.

“Yes?” I hold my breath, waiting for her to continue, but she never doesn’t. “Sam?”

I turn my head to look at her in the darkness and exhale shakily when I realize she’s asleep. I admire her soft features for a moment, taking note of how grown up she looks now that she’s turned eighteen, and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Then, I drop my hand on the mattress in the space between us and sigh.

“Good night, Sammy.”

The next morning when I wake up, I’m not surprised to find that she’s gone, just like that time when she snuck into my room.

I figure it’s probably best to give her some space, and let her deal with whatever she’s dealing with, but then, two days later, Tara calls me crying, and tells me Sam has left.

_______________________________________________

Tag list: @bella423 @artrizzler19 @btay3115 @canyonyodeler @quadofthec

[bey0nd-1he-stars]

Merry Christmas, darling - Ewan Mitchell

Masterlists

Pairing: Ewan Mitchell x reader

Wordcount: 2030

Warnings: none?

Summary: A couple of moments shared with Ewan (and the dog Bonnie) the last days before Christmas.

Mentions: thanks for brainstorming ideas with me! @darktrashsoulbear

Two days before Christmas

“Ah man,” someone complains as you trudge up the stairs to the flat you share with your boyfriend. Looking up from your phone, having just been on your way to text said boyfriend, you find the charmer standing outside your flat with your dog Bonnie and a Christmas tree in one hand, and fumbling for the keys to the apartment with the other.

“Hey, lover boy,” you greet with a giggle, reaching down to pet the dog and take the leash from his hands to help free his hands a bit. As you step around the packed up Christmas tree, he turns with a wide smile, pausing his search for keys to lean forward and give you a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Hi, darling,” he greets, blue eyes dazzling with happiness. “I’ve bought a Christmas tree,” he states with a laugh and gestures to the tree he’s holding. It’s way taller than himself, the top almost reaching the roof, making it incredibly hard to miss. You giggle, pressing the key into the door to unlock it.

“I can see that, love,” a small laugh escapes you as well and his adoring gaze seems stuck on you. You twist the lock and when you hear the tell-tale sound of the door getting unlocked you pull the door open and usher Bonnie inside. She trots in, letting you pull off her collar and dry off her paws quickly and then she’s off to the kitchen, undoubtedly to eat.

“Come on,” you prompt as you step out in the hall again to help Ewan with the Christmas tree. The two of you carry it inside and place it on the floor of the living room. The usual corner for Bonnie’s dog bed has been cleared and instead there’s a foot for the tree standing there.

“Her bed’s in our bedroom,” Ewan explains as you two shrug off your jackets. He takes both of your coats and scarfs back to the hallway, hanging them up on the coat rack. You go into the kitchen to prepare some tea and biscuits.

“I’ll just go look for our ornaments, be back in a sec, darling,” Ewan calls from the hall and you hear him go into your bedroom, checking the closet, and then going into the guest room and looking there. It seems he finds them in the guest room because soon you hear him walking back into the living room and then he appears in the doorframe to the kitchen.

“Did you find them?” You ask and you hold out his tea for him. Nodding, he takes it from your nimble fingers, thanking you softly and stepping closer to press a kiss of gratitude to your forehead.

“It’s all in the living room,” he nods, taking the plate of cookies in his hand and then ushering you into the sitting room area. Bonnie trails after, eyes locked on the plate in Ewan’s hand and you let your hand drag over her back as she trots past you to keep up with the cookie plate.

“So,” you begin, setting your cup down on the living room table. “How do we do this?” Ewan walks around up to you, having set down his tea and the plate on the table as well, his now free hands coming up to rest on your hips as he places himself behind you.

“I think we need to put it in the Christmas tree foot before we unwrap it,” he concludes and you nod, leaning back against his warm chest and head resting on his shoulder.

“Probably,” you agree with a smile. “Wanna get to it?”

This is the first Christmas you’re doing since moving in together, so it’s all a bit new. Of course you’d celebrated with each other every year since you got together, but it was only in early spring that you’d finally gotten a flat together and this, decorating your own space together for the first time, it feels really special.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Ewan agrees with a wide grin, walking you both forward and not letting go of you until you have to take a hold of one end of the tree each. With a count to three you lift it up and place it down in the center of the Christmas tree foot and Ewan holds it in place as you crouch down to tighten the foot around the tree so that I’ll stand stable enough. Bonnie comes up beside you, sniffing the tree and looking at you questioningly as you twist the screws.

“Try wiggle it a bit, see if it’s steady,” you instruct and Ewan does as you ask, smiling triumphantly when it shows to be stable. He holds his hand up, silently asking for a high five and you comply. Except instead of letting you go when you start to pull away, Ewan intertwines your hands and pulls you up from the floor, right into his arms. A surprised laugh escapes you as his arms wind around you, pressing your bodies close.

“I love you.” It’s just a whisper against your lips and you don’t have time to answer before his lips claim yours in a deep kiss. He’s all consuming and intoxicating and you get lost in him every. damn. time.

One day before Christmas

Bonnie comes bouncing into the bedroom, jumping up on the bed and effectively waking you up with wet kisses and cold paws. Ewan has taken her for her morning walk and he soon appears after her, stumbling over his knitted socks into the room and you open the covers for him to crawl under. His hands are cold from being outside and you yelp as he presses them both to your sides.

”Morning, darling,” he mumbles against your skin as he presses kisses to your neck. Your arms wrap around his shoulders and he leans up to press a kiss to your lips.

”Good morning, lover boy,” you giggle, letting out a breathless laugh against his lips as Bonnie comes crashing into you both, toppling over and settling down against your side.

”Good morning to you too, baby,” you laugh at the dog. She’s never been quite subtle when she wants to tell you both that she wants in on the cuddles.

Ewan laughs along with you, poking a hand out from under the duvet to give her some loving pets across her smooth body. She whines softly, wiggling closer and both you and Ewan submits to her puppy eyes, lifting the duvet and letting her settle in under the covers as well. With a happy sigh, she places her head on your shoulder and closes her eyes.

Ewan places his head on your chest, a comforting weight right upon your heart. One of your hands cards through his dark blond strands, earning a content hum from him. One of his hands caresses your body, gliding across your stomach, along your side and down your hip, up again along the inside of your thigh and up under the t-shirt you’re wearing, his t-shirt. A trail of heat and affection is left in the wake of his touch, despite his hand still being quite cold.

”Should we make some breakfast?” You mumble as you press a kiss to the top of his head.

Ewan shakes his head slightly, ”not yet.” You throw a glance at the clock on your night stand and come to the conclusion that you have time to lie in bed for a little while longer before you have to get up and prepare for the guests you’re having over. Some of your friends, some of Ewan’s. They’re all friends to both of you nowadays you suppose.

After spending another half an hour in bed, just being and basking in each other’s arms, Bonnie seems to have recovered from her cold walk earlier and she opens her eyes, looking at you expectantly. Ewan laughs as she licks him across the face, prompting her to do it again.

He sits up, pulling away from you with a low groan and Bonnie tramples all over you to reach Ewan now that he’s moved away.

”I think someone’s hungry,” Ewan teases as the dog in your lap hangs her tongue out and almost smiles. You shake your head at the scene but throw off the comforter and swing your legs over the edge, getting out of bed and grabbing a pair of sweatpants. As you’re pulling them on, Ewan removes the curtains from the window, letting the pale light seep in.

“Here,” he mumbles as he holds out one of his sweaters, helping you pull it over your head. When you poke your head through the neckline he smooths down your hair a bit and then leans forward for a quick kiss.

“Mhm,” he hums lowly as you hold him close for a second longer.

“I love you,” you tell him, holding his sky blue gaze. He blinks, smiles and then he kisses you again.

Christmas

When all the guests have gone home for the night and it’s only you, Ewan and Bonnie left in the flat, you let yourself decompress on the couch for a second. Ewan is throwing away the last of the empty bottles and the pieces of present wrapper that’s been left in a heap on the floor at the promise that you’d just clean it up later.

It’s a few minutes until midnight but you’re still riding on the high of having a wonderful night with your friends, so you don’t feel ready to sleep just yet. Bonnie seems to be feeling the same because she’s standing in the hall, whining softly.

“Love, I’m taking Bonnie on a walk,” you half heartedly shout so that he’ll hear you in the kitchen. Ewan pops his head out of the doorway and tells you he’ll come along as well and you smile, thankful, and push yourself off the couch with a groan.

In the hall, you step into your shoes and Ewan holds up your coat for you. While you close it up, he puts on his own thick winter jacket and wraps a scarf each around both of you. Bonnie is standing by the door, halfway out even if it’s still shut, and you hand Ewan her collar and her matching leash. While he puts some clothes on her too, you start searching for some mittens, even if Ewan always complains when he wears them because he can’t hold your hand and feel you skin to skin. You usually just tell him to suck it up. And he does, but with an over exaggerated sigh and a roll of his eyes.

He still holds your hand though, with or without mittens.

When you’re all dressed, Bonnie pulls you both outside and the winter wonderland that greets you is nothing short of breathtaking. The snow is falling slowly, tumbling to the ground in thick and heavy snowflakes and everywhere you look there are Christmas lights or fairy lights hanging, making it look like you’re living in a snow globe.

“Come on,” Ewan prompts, taking a better grip on your hand. The three of you start strolling along the streets, into the park and down to the pond. Every now and then you walk past a tree that’s been completely wrapped in fairy lights and every single one takes your breath away.

When you pick up your phone to snap a picture of your little family you see that the clock has finally passed by midnight so when Ewan stands up again, having crouched beside Bonnie and posing for a picture, you pull him into your arms and press a slow kiss to his lips. He lets out a content hum when you pull away, one of his hands that rest on your back presses you close.

Bonnie’s looking up at you both expectantly, pulling on the leash to continue walking but Ewan seems unphased.

“Merry Christmas, lover boy,” you tell him softly, your breath mingling with his and the fog that’s created in the space between your mouths billows away like ribbons in the night air.

“Merry Christmas, darling.”

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Comes up to the front of the room with pitch notecards in hand, okay, I have an idea that has two very controversial things in it. And idk if people want this, but I keep thinking about it, so here goes nothing.

So, I was thinking, post-breakup, Tommy and Buck bubble each other not talking. Tommy has spiraled inwardly. Buck is using up all the flour in Los Angeles.

It's a problem.

On a call one of them gets on shift, there is a big pileup. A huge pileup.

And in the pileup?

Connor, Kameron, and their son.

The one Buck helped them have with his donor sperm. All of them have significant injuries. Maybe either Connor or Kameron are already dead. They're rushed to the hospital. The only one who survives - the kid.

Buck, who is the biological father of the kid and never technically waved his rights, decides he should take the kid in. He doesn't know if there's anyone there for the kid other than him. There hadn't seemed to be when he was helping Connor and Kameron out. He kind of impulsively rushes into it.

However, there seems to be a wrinkle. Connor and Kameron had a will. Their will states that if they were to die, it designates the child's guardian to be Kameron's older brother. And who would that be?

Tommy Kinard.

And what at first looks like it could possibly become a messy custody battle ends up settling in a co-parenting situation where the kid spends time with both of them.

And as they keep co-parenting, well, maybe something happens to Buck's loft. A pipe bursts, something.

So, Buck decides to stay at Tommy's place as the pipe gets fixed. And maybe, well, Buck never leaves. It's kind of nice to be all under the same roof, after all.

And maybe they start to actually talk about why they broke up. Why Tommy was scared. Why Buck rushed into the idea of potential marriage down the line and moving in without saying I love you first. Talk about all the baking and talk about the bubbling.

They're reluctant at first to try to make up; try to date. Because what if it doesn't work out again? And where would that leave the kid?

While they figure themselves out, another devastating thing hits them. The kid? He is predisposed to cancer, and he gets juvenile leukemia.

And you're probably thinking it's going to be Buck. Buck's going to be the donor again. And he's also going to have to go through what his parents had all those years ago.

But.

He's not a match.

Buck is not a match.

But Tommy is.

And it's this whole vortex of unpacking childhood trauma while coming together for this kid that's just really become part of their lives. And it works out because I can't bring myself to not let it work out, but it's a lot.

And by the end of it, after the kid is in remission, after everything, they admit it. They admit they want this. They want to be together. They want to be a couple. They want to be a family with this kid.

And it's beautiful.

[furiousgoldfish]

I've noticed the other day how life is fundamentally different when living out of abuse. I had an experience of waking up in the morning, sleepily tapping over to the kitchen in my pajamas, wondering what to make for breakfast, and making a plan for the day. Completely careless and unselfconscious, thinking only about the food and what I wanted to do with my day. It hit me then how impossible every aspect of this would be, had I still been living in the abuse.

If I was still around abusers, my first thought in the morning would not be 'oh I'm so sleepy I'm gonna find something to eat', it would be 'Are they in the house, are they in the room, are they already mad at me'. I would be looking around cautiously, listening for every sound that indicates they're near me. I would be checking the clock to see if their schedule had already put them in their workplace or wherever they go, and then still peering trough the doors anxiously to see if the hallway is clear, if I can get to the kitchen. I'd be checking how I look to see if I'll be reprimanded for being in the pajamas in the common area. I'd change just to avoid the possibility. I'd be checking each item of food and wondering if it's okay to take it, or whether there's a chance I'll get yelled at or blamed for taking it. I'd be analyzing the last words and actions we exchanged to try to predict how close the abuser is from blowing up and possibly attacking me.

The rest of my day would be scheduled around avoiding them, or alternatively, being in the place where they could easily find me, because if I'm not where I'm expected to be, they might get mad. All of my activities could be stopped and prevented at moment's notice if they decided I need to be doing something for them at that moment. I could be yelled at for not doing something for them sooner, for 'making them say it'.

If I wanted to go out, I'd have to consider if this is allowed, and if they'd want me to stay inside for one reason or another. If I am outside, I'd have to worry about what's going to happen to my stuff if I'm not back whenever they're expecting me to be there, or what kind of angry state I'd find them in. It would be safest to notify them of everything I'm doing, but they might immediately call it unnecessary, stupid, offensive or otherwise inconvenient, and force me to drop it and do something for them instead. Secrecy was the only way to do things, but also risky in case some part of it turns out to be not allowed. There were never any clear rules to what is okay, it would change with their moods.

If I could hear the abuser's car parking in the driveway, I would run back inside of my room, as if it was the 'safe area', when it wasn't. It would at least take me out of their view, so they wouldn't immediately think to start at me. But if they wanted to, they could just go inside of my room and charge at me then. I would just delay being the target, putting myself out of immediate sight. Of course this also meant I couldn't leave any trace of doing anything in the home, so it wouldn't be noticeable I just ran away. Everything has to look untouched.

And then when they interacted with me, I had to make sure to not show emotion on my face, to not look overly confident or happy, to not show any fear or anxiety, to not look sad or upset, to not look angry. I had to act normal, or else. I had to try and defend my own actions and interests walking a fine line of 'trying to let them know I'm upset and unhappy about this, without setting them off and causing them to blow up at me for talking back'. And I'd be told off for this too, because 'how could I complain when people have it soo much worse and I am ungrateful for having a roof over my head'. I had to do whatever was asked out of me, and restrain from even expressing it wasn't what I wanted, for the fear of losing the roof over my head.

Unbelievable I just lived like that for many years. And now I can flop in my pajamas to the kitchen, eyes half closed, make a mess, and think of nothing but food and plans for the day, not worrying for a second that someone could target me for any move I make. I still get scared easily, but nobody attacks me anymore. I can take any item of food, for it is all mine. I can decide to go out anytime, come back anytime, no consequences. I decide what is good for me to do, and nobody else gets an input. I can think of my own interests, and disgreard what anyone else in the world could want from me, because I don't exist for their convenience, and I don't have to worry about it anymore. What I lived before feels absolutely intolerable now. Even one second of that is unsurvivable.

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Pack Chapter 8

Trigger Warnings: None

2 hours to go and Chan goes to work. 3 hours to go and Y/N will be left with Jeongin, Minho and Felix. Y/N was determined to decorate the living room with Felix. Felix had started slowly pulling the boxes out to hide in his room, while the wolves got ready to go out. Hyunjin was working on Chan's assets while Jisung and Changbin worked out at the gym. Seungmin was out getting more Christmas supplies, even though he threatened Chan would spank her for it because he hates it going up early, but did Y/N care? Nope. She was ready. As soon as Chan gave her one hell of a kiss goodbye, promising he was leaving for three hours, Y/N knew her plan was going to work as soon as Felix knocked on her door. "So we need to somehow get rid of Minho," Felix whispered. "I'll lock him in the kitchen. Do you have the keys to the doors? I'll barricade the alcove." Y/N said. Felix nodded and pulled out the keys while Y/N ran down the stairs. The first one Y/N had to lock was the back door, which Minho didn't notice. Once the second door was locked Minho turned around in confusion as to why Y/N locked the door, but he ignored it and went back to his cleaning until he heard the scrape of a table come past the alcove. "What are you doing little wolf," Minho asked causing Y/N to snort with laughter. She was almost dying on the spot at his confused look. "What's going on?" Minho asked again but Y/N ignored him and dragged the corner table over and placed it between the alcoves. "Locking you in." Y/N giggled.

Minho crossed his arms and stalked closer, watching her like she was his prey. Y/N giggled trying to get him to stay back while Felix dragged the tree into the living room. "Little wolf." Minho sang. "Nuh-uh. Stay right there. All day." Y/N giggled. "If I kiss you will you tell me?" Minho asked boldly. "If I give you lots of kisses and attention and. And. And. And. Help you in the kitchen you will not get mad." Y/N begged as she looked at the wolf. "Hmm." Minho hummed and brought her chin forward, ready to kiss her when he noticed two ball balls run out the door. "What is that?" Minho asked just as Y/N pulled him into a suffocating kiss as she slid her tongue into his mouth. Minho gasped and a hot feeling swelled in his stomach as he grabbed the wall. Y/N brought her hands up into his hair pulling his head back to deepen the kiss. When Minho suddenly pulled back his saffron eyes appeared. Y/N felt nervous when she saw his eyes. Did I do something wrong? "You're such a little distraction are you not omega? Now tell me what you are up to. Hmm." Minho asked slowly. "Putting the Christmas tree up," Y/N said nervously. "Alright. Let's do it. Felix doesn't know how to put it up." Minho stated, pushing the table away so he could get through, while Y/N nervously watched him. She wondered if he was going to tell Felix to stop. Felix jumped, almost knocking the tree down when he saw Minho. "Baby, why is Minho here?" Felix asked nervously. "He said he wanted to help," Y/N said innocently, while Minho gave them a grin.

Minho pushed Felix out of the way to put the tree up, because Minho liked it a certain way. It had to be simple but elegant. While he did the tree, Y/N and Felix decorated the living room with Christmas pillows. Even the fireplace was decorated in garlands with cute little ornaments. Seungmin joined later with bags of snacks and some weird-looking ornaments he got because he was apparently under pressure in the store. Minho scolded him for that and told him to put it somewhere else so Seungmin decorated the hallway. "Shall I cook some of the snacks," Y/N asked as she took the bag into the kitchen. "No. No. I can do it." Minho said as he put the ornaments in Felix's hands. "Ya. I can cook Min. Let me cook." Y/N assured as she pushed him lightly into the room. "Did you not like my cooking on your birthday?" Y/N jested. "Yes-" "So then go and decorate. I got this." Y/N gave him a quick kiss before heading into the kitchen. Y/N looked at the foods Seungmin bought and preheated the oven while she set up some savoury snacks in the kitchen.

Y/N smiled to herself in the kitchen, as she thought back to the first time she met them. She feared them if not hated them back then and now things had changed. She felt safe with them. She loved them. She loved all of them in different ways. She loved Chan's patience and caring nature. She loved Minho's silent attentive nature that isn't always recognised as it's hidden deep within his cold façade. She loved Changbin's sense of humour and playful nature when he didn't want to do something. She loved Hyunjin, and despite him still being a closed book she loved his determination to keep her free from isolation. She loved Jisung's neediness and paranoia to get things right. She loved Felix's naiveness but his hidden strength to protect when he needed to. She loved Seungmins aloofness but also his irrevocable sexual nature. She loved Jeongin's determination to be the best alpha, but most of all she loved his protectiveness. Love was a strange thing for Y/N and she didn't think she could ever love again, but one thing she learned was you can only love once. You can only love someone once in that way. Love forms in different shapes and sizes. There is no way you can love someone different in the same way. People are far too different and hold many flaws. Even Y/N was flawed. She was flawed in many ways but her scars and wounds had started to heal. She was in a new place with new people who loved her. She felt safe.

Y/N jumped when she felt someone wrap their arms around her waist, placing their chin on her shoulder. It was Minho. He didn't say anything at first, only embracing her as he watched her put the snacks in a bowl. "Why do you look sad but feel happy?" Minho asked. "I'm happy. I was only reminiscing and thinking about how things have changed. How I feel safe here. Loved." The last part was a whisper, but Minho heard it. "You are loved, Y/N more than you ever know. I'm glad you feel safe here. You deserve to feel happy." Minho said, his voice softer than usual. "The living room is done. Chan and Hyunjin are on their way but I diverted them as I've asked them to pick up sauce." Felix stated eagerly. "We don't need sauce," Minho stated as he moved to open the cupboard where a variety of different sauces lived. "He doesn't need to know that. I wanted to watch a film with Y/N before they get here, or at least part of it since Chan is going to shout at us." Felix stated. "He won't. I'll defend it." Minho stated as he pulled Y/N towards the nicely decorated living room.

The living room was cosy and the fireplace had been lit. The sofa was nicely decorated even though Seungmin had already sprawled himself out on it with a bowl of crispy peaches. "What?" Seungmin asked. Minho ignored him and smacked his legs off so he and Y/N could sit down. It was quite awkward for Minho as this was the first time he was being openly affectionate. He allowed Y/N to sit in between his legs, cuddled up to him, while his other leg hit the floor. Felix sat next to Y/N as he flicked through Netflix to find a reasonable film while Y/N placed her legs on him, leaving a sulky puppy bunched up in the corner alone. Minho during the film would occasionally stroke Y/N's hair or rub circles on her hand, making it difficult for Y/N to concentrate on the film. Y/N was feeling a warm little bubble spread in the bottom of her stomach as she looked at the three wolves who were close to her. Even Seungmin had his hand resting on her foot so she knew he was there. "Why is there Christmas shit up," Chan called out. "Ask Minho." Seungmin and Y/N called out. "The living room looks nice. I can tell Minho did the tree." Hyunjin said as he poked his head around the wall to see the living room done up. "You did the living room! What did i-" "Ya," Minho shouted. "It's Y/N's first Christmas with us. She's allowed to celebrate early this year and we're going to make it the best Christmas. So take your grumpy self elsewhere." "Hyung calm down," Seungmin stated as he picked up half the food he dropped down himself from Minho's shouts.

Chan sighed but seeing his sweet omega's face looking disappointed at his actions made him feel guilty. It wasn't that Chan hated Christmas, it was that he didn't understand why they had to decorate two weeks before December. It made no sense. "I think it looks nice, but these blankets are awful." Hyunjin frowned in disgust. "You buy them then," Seungmin answered back. "I will. I'll take Y/N shopping soon." Hyunjin glared as he took one of the snacks off the table. "Hyunjin's right. It does look nice. I'm sorry baby." Chan apologised. He could see Minho's reasoning behind wanting to decorate early and he was right, she deserved it. She deserved better memories. "But no more decorating, please baby," Chan begged. "We're doing the kitchen tomorrow," Y/N answered and Felix grinned, causing the alpha to shake his head as he sat on the stool pressing play on the film they were watching.

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @reallychaoticwoo @leezanetheofficial @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @maggicotton @jellymochii @itzreetal987 @jennibahng @vampkittenb82 @catlove83 @thatgirlangelb @pixie0627 @hyunmikim @skzdreamer13 @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @tsunderelintz @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @emi-han @iknow-uknow-leeknow @jigglypuff3000 @aalexyuuuhm @missseoulite @ihrtlix @estella-novella @xxeiraxx @fr34k4c1dr41n

[respectthepetty]

Joke's (Sad) Face

This post is about Joke's face.

But it's not about his actual face.

It's about his Joker face.

While Joke was surrounded by Jack's blue at the hospital, I just couldn't stop thinking about how pretty War is.

Which is why it's so tragic that his character, Joke, spends so much time being sad.

He has been sad since the very beginning and has remained in this state throughout the series.

Which is probably why he created the red Joker moniker.

A joker is a trickster. A joker is similar to a jester. A joker should be happy.

But Joke is anything but happy and his sadness began when he was child who couldn't cope with academic stress, so he began to use the sad face.

Then a kid he never met fixed his frown and turned it upside down. Jack made him smile.

And years later, at a bar late at night, that kid would make Joke smile again.

By simply sitting with him.

Joke was sad about his life, and Jack told him that it was okay.

Then he told him to smile.

Because like I believe, War Joke is so beautiful when he smiles.

Jack, with his blue (spray bottle), has been wiping Joke's sadness away for years, even without knowing it.

And as Joke returned to his childhood home to all the sticky notes marked with red sad faces, he believed he would never be as happy as he was with Jack again.

The time Joke spends with Jack is the happiest of his life because Jack makes Joke happy, which is why Joke got the smiley face tattoo.

Because Jack was a truly happy kid when they first met, and gave that happiness to Joke.

But things change.

Joke's other tattoo is of a dual smiling face and sad face, and when Joke approached Jack after five years, he said he wanted to bring back the old Jack. After that encounter, Jack asked his grandmother if he had changed to which she responded that he couldn't stay a kid forever.

Jack let Joke escape in the fashion event. Jack was blamed for the necklace being stolen, yet showed up to the hotel to help Joke. Jack put himself in the way during the fight to keep Joke safe. Jack always turns the worst situations around and has sacrificed parts of himself as a result.

So Jack is darker now. He is no longer blue. He is black. He can't be Joke's source of happiness when he is struggling to find the good in life himself, so while Joke is in the hospital surrounded by Jack's blue with family and friends, Jack sits alone wearing a red shirt with one tiny lamp to give him warmth.

Jack has his grandmother, who blends both his and Joke's colors, but she's all Jack has ever had, and now she cares for Joke just as much as she loves Jack.

And this is a point Aran made in the very beginning and Hope repeated this episode — Jack, just like Save, doesn't really much. He doesn't have options. Joke does. Jack had to do what he had to do to survive and keep his grandmother safe, but Joke gets to return home to a family and a room that has been kept spotless. Jack doesn't. Well, not if he doesn't fight for it.

And that's what hurts. Jack has to fight for everything. So even though Joke has done a lot for Jack, Jack has done just as much for Joke. He gave Joke a place to stay, food to eat, friends, family, and happiness when Joke had nothing to give and nowhere to go. Jack himself has nothing, yet still gave Joke everything he has had to fight for, including his limited happiness and even the last bits of his color.

So it's important that the episode showed Joke not only giving Jack his color, but also his happiness. Joke has finally turned his sad face into a happy face, on his own.

Joke is depressed, and for so long, because of that, he believed that he couldn't be a source of happiness. Yet on this journey, he has brought happiness to his friends, grandma, and countless people along the way, so here he is, not only giving his color to Toi Ting and Jack, but also his happiness.

Jack has never wanted to see Joke's sad face, which is why he gave Joke his happiness.

And now that Joke is realizing that he is happiness, hopefully Jack never will.

But they'll have to fight for it first.

[nomie-11]

Liam Mairi x Reader - The Curse of Farsight

masterlist!

Migraines had become an integral part of Liam’s life since he developed his signet. His eyes hurt, his head hurt, and all the bright lights and small noises felt like knives twisting in his mind as he trudged down the hallway. 

Head throbbing, he just let his feet take him one step after another down the winding, narrow hallways of Fourth Wing First-Year dorms. He wanted to be in her arms, in her bed, as her cold hands ran over his back in soothing circles.

Liam’s vision blurred as he turned a corner, his breath shallow, each step an effort. The migraines were getting worse, more frequent as he trained his signet. The curse of farsight was something he hadn’t expected and hadn’t been able to fully escape. Yes, seeing far was a blessing in battle, but in everyday life it was a storm he couldn’t outrun. It was a constant, grinding pressure, leaving him dizzy and disoriented. 

But there was one place where the pain dulled. Over person who could ease the ache, even if just for a moment. 

He reached her door, the familiar weight of her presence pulling him in like a magnet. He knocked once, softly, and waited. A moment later, the door swung open, and there she stood—her eyes warm, her expression soft but worried when she saw him. 

“You’re here,” She sighed, stepping aside for him to come in. “You look terrible.” 

He grimaced a small smile, his hand squeezing hers as he shuffled in past her, shedding his layers of swords and leathers onto the floor quickly before flopping down onto her bed. “‘M sorry,” he said, words muffled by the covers. “Head’s killing me.” 

He sighed as, with a flick of her hand and a display of superior control of lesser magic, the blinds on the windows drew shut and the mage lights dimmed. 

He felt the mattress dip as she climbed in next to him, her cool hands from an ice wielding signet brushing the hairs from his forehead. 

“Didn’t we talk to Xaden about your head and maybe taking it easy in training for a little?” She murmured, fingernails dragging slow circles over his skin.

Liam let out a long, slow exhale, rolling onto his side to face her, his eyes bleary but full of gratitude. “Yeah, but I can’t. Need to keep up. Can’t just… stop.” He closed his eyes, wincing at the throb in his temple as he whispered, “But this—this helps.” He relaxed as her cool fingers traced gentle patterns along his jaw, down his neck, the chill of her touch dulling the sharp edge of his headache. 

After a few moments of silence, he rolled onto his back, then onto his stomach, pressing his face into her shoulder, his arm coming to drape around her waist. She stifled a laugh. “Liam, what are you doing?” she asked, voice laced with amusement. 

“Getting comfortable,” he murmured, voice muffled against her. “Hope you don’t mind if I just…” he shifted a little, laying completely on top of her with a satisfied sigh, his cheek resting against her shoulder. She could feel the warmth radiating from him as he nestled in, her own cold skin contrasting with his as if he were a living blanket. 

She smirked, giving a playful sigh of resignation. “Well, I guess I’m stuck here now,” she said, feigning exasperation as she brushed her fingers gently through his gorgeous blonde hair. She felt the chill of her hand sink deeper into his skin, soothing the heat pulsing at his temples, her touch melting him into a state of calm. 

Liam let out a small, contented groan, shifting slightly so that the flushed skin of his face rested on the cool skin of her exposed neck. “You’re like my own personal ice pack,” he murmured, pressing his forehead into the crook of her neck. “If I ever get a say in anything, I’m picking you to follow me everywhere.” 

She laughed softly, tracing her fingertips over his temples, gentle enough to quiet his ache. “I don’t think Xaden would approve of me being your portable headache remedy, but… I suppose he would have to make an exception.” 

“Good,” he replied with a faint, sleepy grin, his voice soft and warm. “Because I’m not going anywhere. You’re perfect just like this.” He shifted his weight just a little, wrapping himself around her even more tightly, his breathing slowing as the headache’s sharp pangs finally ebb away. 

As his breath evened out and his weight settled comfortably over her, she felt a smile tugging at her lips. The warmth he radiated felt like a gentle fire melting away her perpetual chill, and she knew—just as much as he needed her cold touch, she needed his warmth, here in the quiet safety of the darkness and silence of her room. 

-------

Taglist: @awkardnerd , @hannraumari , @minjix , @glaciuswduo , @wolfbc97 , @heeseungthel0ml

[midnighthazee]

Greenridge ABO Series

a/n: This chapter is not for the faint of heart.... grab your wine or chamomile tea and buckle up!😰

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, violence, mentions of past rape/trauma, explicit language, SMUT, 18+ MDNI, aggression, rough sex, creampie, marking/biting, pet names, somnophilia (if you squint)

WC: 5003

Chapter 10

It was the next morning, Chan and his betas were back at the Ahgase house ready to have breakfast. He hoped to create a lasting friendship with this pack, learning from them and being a more patient and fair alpha like Jaebeom. Maybe he was being too reckless, Jaebeom’s suggestion of talking it out on his mind all night. Was he being too impulsive? Maybe talking would be an easier way to solve this problem.

 “You sleep at all?” Seungcheol asked Chan with a chuckle.

“Not really.” Chan forced a smile.

They knocked, the door swinging open and an energetic Jackson bringing them into a big hug. “So good to see you guys. Come in.”

They followed him in, through the house and onto the back deck. The deck was elevated to the second story, overlooking the yard below. The treeline and mountains were an inviting view as they stepped outside. There was a large table out here as well. It looked to be a marble slab with metal railings in a zigzag formation supporting it. There were also fourteen chairs, metal framed with a cushion and curved back.

Jaebeom and the rest of the pack were at the table already, chatting amongst themselves when they stepped outside. Jaebeom smiled warmly as they entered.

“I figured it was such a beautiful morning, we could enjoy the fresh air while we eat. Please…. sit.” Jaebeom said. “We have mimosas and breakfast is on the way.”

Once everyone was seated, Jaebeom stood. “Here’s to our alliance. To new friendships and brotherhood.”

“Here’s to taking down that bastard of an alpha.” Yugyeom snickered.

They all raised their glasses in a toast, sipping the mimosas. Jaebeom sat down as the ladies from last night brought out breakfast dishes and placed them on the runner decorating the center of the table. There were several gourmet options, Hyunjin and Jisung practically salivating at the sight. 

There were eggs benedict, bananas foster belgian waffles, lemon blueberry scones, buttermilk pancakes, smoked sausage, apple maple bacon  and seasonal fruit. It was just as luxurious as the dinner from yesterday.

It also tasted just as good, the boys definitely eating too much. Jisung’s cheeks were so full the whole time as they conversed through breakfast. It was a lovely meal but unfortunately the time had come to part ways, Chan wanting to get back home.

“We will definitely have to invite all of you over for dinner as a thank you soon.” Chan noted.

“We don’t wanna impose on your omega so make sure you ask her first.” Jaebeom says, nodding towards Chan.

“Of course. But I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. And please bring your omegas with you too. I think it would be good for y/n.” Chan insisted.

“That’s a great idea. We will have to set that up.” Seungcheol smiled.

“I will wait for your invitation.” Jaebeom said with a smile. 

“Me too.” Seungcheol pointed his finger at him. “And don’t forget to email me that document when you get home.” “I won’t. You should have it by four. If not, I might have gotten distracted so just call me.” Chan stated.

Jaebeom nodded and off the two packs went. They got into their respective cars and pulled off, heading back home. Chan sent a text in the group chat before pulling off.

Hey. Alliance secured! On our way back. 

We should be home in a couple hours!

Jisung texted too:

How’s y/n?

They were nearly an hour into their drive, Hyunjin was playing DJ, rapping along to the songs, while Jisung played his video game. They only had a few hours left, but Jisung complained he had to pee. Chan reluctantly pulled over at the nearest rest stop and let him. Chan took the opportunity too, Hyunjin having gone before they left. After a couple minutes, they were back on the road, driving towards home on the local highway.

“Jinnie, babe, are you trying to put me to sleep?” Chan asked.

“No.” Hyunjin smirked. “Don’t like classical music?”

“Not while I’m driving…and tired.” 

“I can drive and you rest.” Hyunjin offered.

“It’s fine. I just wanna get back home. Then I can rest”

Jisung snored dramatically from the backseat.

“Yah! I’m changing it.” Hyunjin glared, making Jisung laugh.

The music changed from a piano lullaby to an upbeat, bass booming song. Chan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, singing along.

“Better?” Hyunjin asked, scratching the back of Chan’s head briefly.

“Yes.” Chan smiled, eyes focused on the road.

“Better, Ji?” Hyunjin shot daggers at him

“I guess.” Jisung shrugged, making Hyunjin roll his eyes.

CRASH!

Glass shatters, pieces flying everywhere as the car is jerked sideways. The car swerves, flipping one… two… three times before landing upside down in the ditch on the side of the road. The underside of the car smoked a bit as it creaked and settled. A dark van, coincidentally being the only car on the road, squealing to a stop. Five large men climbed out, hurrying over to the car.

Inside, Chan groaned, looking over to his betas. They all were hanging upside down, superficial cuts from the glass decorating their skin. The car was bent and crushed, glass shards and fragments of metal littering the roof.

“Hyunjin? Jisung?” He called out, coughing as he reached towards Hyunjin.

“Mmm….what happened?” Jisung muttered from the back, his hand going to his head only to find a trail of blood near his hairline.

“I don’t know.” Chan looked over at Hyunjin. “Jinnie?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, unconscious as the seatbelt held him up.

Chan hurried to undo his own seatbelt, dropping to the roof. He winced but reached for Hyunjin, feeling a heartbeat in his neck. He breathed a sigh of relief when suddenly his door was forced open. Two men pulled him out, sticking a needle in his neck before he could realize he wasn’t being rescued. He shook from their hold, landing a punch to one of the men before his body went limp and they carried him over to the van.

“Chan! Chan!” Jisung yelled, trying to undo his seatbelt but it was jammed.

Two more men were pulling out Hyunjin, making Jisung squirm in his seatbelt. He was fighting against the restraint as he tried to save his mates. Three more came over to his side and pried the door open. It didn’t give easily, the frame bent out of shape. They had to use tools but eventually got it open.

“No. Get the fuck away from me.” Jisung growled.

The men just laughed, one reaching in quickly to slice the seatbelt. Jisung dropped to the roof but before he could gather himself, they also stuck him with a needle. His body too went limp and they dragged him from the car.

Carefully turning around to see Minho, you see him resting, small snores coming from his mouth. You attempted to slip away but his hold tightened. You tried to remain calm and peel his arm from you. He groaned, shifting as he slept. Looking at the nightstand, the clock informed you it was half past ten. The rest of the boys were probably eating breakfast or about to.

You tried again once more, but this time he opened his eyes. He looked at you, breathing in your smell and smirking. He leaned forward, kissing your cheek and down your neck.

You tensed and whispered, “Minho?”

With all the resolve he could muster, he pulled back.

“You should go. Before I lose control.” he whispered.

“It’s your rut, isn’t it?”

He nodded, eyes squeezed shut. 

You fully turned around to face him, his face twisted as if in pain. You caressed his cheek, and his face relaxed. His eyes opened, a deep honey color to them, as they looked into yours. You don't know if it was his scent clouding your better judgment or the fear of making him mad, but you didn’t leave.

“Y/n…please. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. I don’t want to hurt or scare you.” Minho whispered, the restraint evident in his voice.

“No.” 

He looked at you wide eyed.

“As your omega, I should help you.”

“It’s too soon.” Minho sat up, trying to clear his head. 

“I am still getting over everything they did to me, yes. But I care about you all so much. I don’t want you in pain or suffering if I can do something to help.” You said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re my pack now. I didn’t get to help Jeongin but I can help you.”

“Chan should be first to lay claim to you. He’s the head alpha.” Minho says, looking straight ahead.

“But you need help now.”

Annoyed, Minho abruptly got out of bed. 

“I know you care for me. And because you do, you won’t hurt me like the Nykos did. At least let me take the edge off.”

“No. Go get Felix or someone.” he practically growled.

You stood up and walked over to him, resting a hand on his upper arm. “Minho…please let me-”

He cut you off, pushing you back into the wall and pinning your hands on either side of your head with a growl. Startled, you let out a little squeal. Your heart began to race and you grew nervous of his next move as felt the heat radiating off his body. 

“See. You’re afraid.” he stated.

  You could feel his breath on your face as you were engulfed in his rut scent. God he smelled so good.

“I don’t…” he trailed off, releasing you.

“Minho..” you say in a small voice.

“I don’t want you to hate me.” His voice was barely audible.

“This is my choice. I’m choosing this. I would not hate you for this. Please Minho…” you say, reaching up to stroke his cheek. 

He sighed heavily, leaning into your touch. “I’ll try my best to be gentle.”

You smile up at him, melting his tough exterior. He smashes his lips onto yours, lifting you up. Your legs wrap around his waist as you make out. His tongue pushes past your lips, dancing with yours as he deepens the kiss. You could feel the warmth going straight to your core.

Of course you were nervous and scared. You had never had a good experience since it was always forced on you. This time, however, felt empowering since it was your choice. You were still worried how he would act but he was your soulmate so it shouldn’t be awful, right? Not like the other hybrids who used you and were extremely rough, not caring about your well-being.

Minho laid you down on the bed, quickly ripping off your clothes. He kissed you hungrily, trailing down your neck and attaching his lips to your nipple. You gasp, it felt amazing. You had them bitten and yanked, but never sucked and the feeling had you floating.

He sucked both buds before kissing lower, down to your core. The other hybrids never went down on you, not caring about your pleasure. If they wanted a taste, they briefly used their fingers. So when Minho swipes his tongue through your folds, collecting your wetness on his tongue, you moan.

Your moan excites him, his throbbing dick twitching in his boxers. He was definitely happy to be the first to show you how sex should be. He licked and suckled, prodding your hole with his tongue. Your juices were so sweet - the sweetest he’s ever tasted. He slurped and circled your clit, making your back arch.

You had cum a few times, just enough to know when it was about to happen. And right now, Minho had you already about to snap. Your hand found its way to Minho’s hair, and you tugged in the effort to ground yourself. He groaned, the vibrations sending you over the edge. You came all over his tongue and he lapped at the juices. Your legs tried to squeeze closed around his head but he pinned them down.

As you came down, he crawled up your body with a mischievous look on his face. His eyes were so dark now they were almost black, displaying just how much his control was slipping away. You shuddered at his predatory gaze.

“Minho?” your voice was barely above a whisper.

He didn’t answer, too lost in the moment as his instincts took over. 

He lined himself up with your entrance, sliding harshly inside. You wince, a pained groan slipping from your mouth. He was big and stretching you out. You swear none of the other hybrids were this thick. Your pussy wasn’t used to this and should have been prepped but his rut didn’t allow for the patience to do so.

He groaned as he thrusted, you were so tight, gripping him as you tried to adjust to him. You breathed through it, wanting to support your alpha. You could already feel the bond strengthening between you two - between the pack too as you were claimed by one of the alphas. It awakened something inside you and you relaxed underneath him as the pleasure overtook you.

“Fuck you feel so good, baby.” he moaned.

You ran your fingers along his chiseled body, taking in every curve and contour. He had a few minor scars here and there, although not as much as you did. His skin was soft and warm under your touch, electricity flowing through your fingertips from the contact.

You could feel the coil inside you tightening. It felt good…too good. Wow it’s never felt like this. Moans were falling from your mouth as he continued thrusting. He latched onto your nipples once more and you arched into his touch, one hand tangled in his hair. 

“Ugh…you’re so tight, kitten.” Minho groaned.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, his dick hitting deeper inside you. He continued to hit your cervix and you were seeing stars. The coil snapped and you came with a loud moan of his name.

“Fuck!” he gritted, spurting his cum deep inside you.

His hips stuttered as he filled you, gripping your hips. Your chest heaved as you came down from your high. His smell was intoxicating and you felt like you were on cloud nine. Was it always going to be like this?

He slipped his cock from your heat, making you wince. You wanted more - it felt too good. He must have read your mind because he flipped you onto your hands and knees and thrusted back into you. You gasped, clenching around him as you gripped the sheets. 

“Fuck..kitten.” He growled.

He began thrusting into you and you could feel the orgasm building yet again. You didn’t think he could fill you any deeper, but somehow he did. You didn’t want it to stop as it felt so incredible. You would have gotten over your fears faster and helped Jeongin if you had known it would be this mind-blowing.

Leaning forward, Minho flushed with your back, he hit your sweet stop repeatedly. Your orgasm was approaching fast as he continued to grunt and growl in your ear, the sound of skin slapping nearly drowned out by your moans.

“Minho…” you whined.

“I know, kitten.” Minho whispered.

He leaned into your hair, sniffing at your scent gland. Your scent mixed with your arousal was making him feral. He pushed your hair to one side, exposing your scent gland even more. It was then he was reminded of the branding Lewis put on you - because it certainly wasn’t the bite of a soulmate.

His eyes glowed red with anger at the idea of his soulmate being marked by another hybrid. You were his. You belonged to his pack and no one else's. He was so angry, he couldn’t see straight. He couldn’t stand to see that alpha’s mark on you. He opened his mouth and bit down near your scent gland.

You cried out, pain pouring into every muscle, tissue, and vein in your body. Your body shook, your orgasm washing over you. You rode the high, legs shaking as he latched onto you. He groaned as you squeezed around his cock but he didn’t let go. 

It was overwhelming and too much, making you see stars. Your vision began to get hazy as your orgasm continued to wash over you. Your whole body shook, eyes squeezed shut. You don’t know how long it lasted but eventually your body went limp and everything went dark. Minho released his mouth and fell with you, finally able to resume thrusting as you relaxed around his cock.

He was too gone to realize the gravity of what he just did.

Seungmin, Felix, Changbin, and Jeongin burst into Minho’s room. They heard you scream and now you were lying lifelessly on the bed as he continued to thrust into you. He was kissing across your back as he chased his own high. 

The boys were hit with the smell of his rut and panicked.

“What happened?!” Changbin nearly yelled.

Minho growled in response, flashing his red, possessive eyes at them. They knew it was not a good idea to interrupt an alpha and his omega….especially during his rut but they had no choice. It was too soon and they knew you weren’t ready to engage in such activities. Little did they know you insisted.

 “Minho….focus on my voice.” Changbin spoke calmly.

Minho growled in response, shielding you with his body. Changbin moved forward, as did Seungmin and Jeongin, and quickly lunged towards Minho. He growled and thrashed but they managed to get a grip on him and pull him off of you. You whimpered as he slipped from your tight heat, Felix hurried over and covered you in a sheet.

The boys pinned Minho to the far wall, him growling and fighting their hold. Felix noticed the bloody bite on the top of your shoulder near your scent gland and his eyes went wide. 

“Y/n?” Felix delicately brushed your hair back from your face. 

You didn’t wake.

Minho growled, making Felix jump. Felix was very sensitive to emotions, so he was scared and anxious with all the smells around him - anger, arousal, rut, worry, fear. Felix quickly scooped you up and brought you down to the med room, laying you on the bed. He pulled out his phone, dialing Doctor Quinn and putting her on speaker. Then he grabbed his stethoscope and blood pressure cuff. 

The phone rang five times. No answer.

“Dammit.” Felix panicked, hitting the call button again.

His hands were shaking, tears threatening to fall as he listened to your heart.

No answer.

“Fuck.” Felix rasped. “Answer doc!”

Felix called Doctor Quinn once more.

“Hello?” Quinn finally answered. 

“Thank god. I need you here immediately. Something’s wrong with y/n. She won’t wake up and she’s bleeding and-” Felix rambled, lip trembling.

“Felix, slow down. What’s wrong?” Quinn said in a calm voice.

“Y/n!” Felix exclaimed, tears filling his eyes. “Something’s wrong. Minho marked her and now she's not waking up.” 

“Minho marked her? Not Chan? Where’s Chan?”

“He’s not here! He took two betas to make an alliance.”

“Okay. Um, I'm with a patient right now. What’s her heart rate and BP?”

“It’s faint, I don’t know.” Felix threw his hands in the air.

“Felix, calm down. You need to take a breath. You can’t help her if you don’t collect yourself.”

Felix took a shaky breath.

“Okay. Tell me her vitals. Can you do that?” Doctor Quinn asked, her voice gently.

“Yes.” Felix sniffled.

With shaky hands, Felix told her your heart rate was fifties. He then measured your blood pressure, informing Quinn it was 60/40. 

“I'm almost done here Felix and then I will be right there. Give her fluids and keep an eye on her vitals. It sounds like she's sub-dropping.”

“Oh no…” Felix's eyes pooled with tears, streaming down his cheeks. “Isn't that fatal?!”

“Not always. I'll be there soon.”

With that, Quinn hung up in an effort to finish up with her current patient. Felix looked at you with such love and worry. He just got you…you couldn’t be taken from him now.

Meanwhile, the boys were bringing Minho to the rut house. There were chains there if needed for an extreme rut. They may have used it once but never had a regular need for it. Changbin chained Minho to the wall and he growled, not wanting anything to do with him.

“Let me have her.” He growled.

“Minho. Get a hold of yourself.” Changbin challenged.

“I’ve never seen him like this…” Jeongin whispered.

“I think y/n made him feral.” Changbin muttered, walking over to the others.

“Did you see he marked her?” Seungmin asked.

“Chan’s not going to like this.” Changbin ruffled his hair.

“Should we call him?” Jeongin asked.

“We shouldn’t worry him. Plus he should be on his way home by now.” Seungmin said.

“It’s just nearly noon.” Changbin looked at his phone. “He texted. He’s on the way. Jeongin, go help Felix and call him.” Changbin said.

Jeongin ran back home, coming in through the basement doors. He closed the door behind him, pulling out his phone when he heard crying. It was coming from the med room. His stomach dropped and he rushed over. He saw Felix laying his head in your lap, crying. Your skin was pale and it didn’t look like you were breathing. He couldn’t hear a heartbeat over Felix’s sobbing.

“Felix?” Jeongin whispered.

His head popped up, eyes puffy and cheeks tear stained. “She’s gone, Innie.”

“What?” Jeongin found the will to move and came over, gripping your wrist and looking for a pulse. “No. Fix her.”

“There’s nothing I can do. She sub-dropped. And Doc Quinn isn’t answering her phone.” Felix cried once more.

“You’re our medic. What would Doc Quinn do if she was here?”

“I did CPR for nearly five minutes.”

“What meds would Doc Quinn give her?” Jeongin asks as he comes over and begins CPR once more.

“Jeongin…”

“WHAT MEDICINE!?” Jeongin growled, not realizing his Alpha dominance was taking over.

“I, uh…” Felix stumbled over to the medicine cabinet. “Think, Felix, think.”

After a few seconds, Felix came over and injected you with a couple different medicines straight to your heart.

“What are those?” Jeongin asked.

“Epi and Amiodarone.” 

“Now what?”

“We continue CPR and hope Quinn gets here soon.”

“Call Chan.”

Felix looks at him with eyes so big it was shocking they didn’t fall from his head. 

“I was supposed to but I’m busy. Call Chan.” Jeongin said again.

Felix swallowed thickly and pulled out his phone. He dialed Chan but he didn’t answer. He tried Hyunjin and Jisung too.

“No one is answering.”

Jeongin rolled his eyes.

“Let’s switch.” Felix said.

They switched and Felix took his turn. 

“How’s Minho?” Felix asked.

“I think she made him feral.” Jeongin said, inspecting the mark.

“I’m afraid to clean it. I don’t want to hurt her.” Felix explained.

“You wouldn’t hurt her right now.” It slipped out before Jeongin realized.

They remained silent.

Chan slowly came to, his head pounding and his whole body aching. He groaned, reaching to massage his muscles when he felt a restraint. Opening his eyes he realized he was sitting in a dungeon of some sort. The smell was….familiar. Awful but familiar. There were chains around his wrists, securing him to the wall. He got up, looking around to see a wire cot with a thin, water stained mattress. There was a hole in the floor off towards the back.

Oh shit… Chan thought.

He was with the Nykos.

“Hyunjin? Jisung?” He called out. “Hyunjin!? Jisung!?”

He looked through the cell door, and across the walkway was Hyunjin beginning to stir. He looked around, restrained as well.

“Where the hell are we?” Hyunjin freaked out, standing and fighting against the shackles.

“Jinnie, relax. We are with the Nykos.” Chan stated.

“The Nykos?” Jisung questioned, coming to his cell door. “You mean this is where y/n spent her life?”

“Afraid so.”

“It smells like shit in here.” Jisung pinched his nose.

“We gotta figure out a way out.” Chan stated, looking around.

“Hey, miss? Can you help us?” Jisung called to the girl across from her cell.

“Jisung, who are you talking to?” Chan asked.

“There’s a girl in the cell next to yours.” Jisung explained. “Do you remember y/n?” 

The girl ignored him, cowering in the corner. She could smell the alpha and it terrified her. Hell, even the betas scared her. She was definitely not as brave as you had been.

“Stop scaring her.” Hyunjin says.

Jisung gives her a half smile before sitting on the mattress, groaning at the lack of support and cushion. 

There was a creak of a door and then footsteps descending. The smell of alpha hit their noses and the girl whimpered. They all stood alert, watching for what would happen. Alpha Lewis stepped to Chan’s cell.

“So you thought you could steal my omega and I wouldn’t find out?”

“She’s not yours.” Chris snapped.

Lewis laughed, stepping aside. His men opened the cell and snatched Chan, bringing him down the hall to his torture room. Chan was chained to the wall, barely having room to move his limbs this time. Lewis went over and pulled a stick off the wall.

“Why don’t we talk this out like adults.” Chan suggested. “I’m sure we can come to an agreement.”

“Is the big bad alpha scared?” Lewis mocks.

“Beat me all you want. I’m not afraid. I know she belongs with us.” Chan says.

Lewis flings his arm to the side, the stick expanding. He presses a button and the end crackles. He shoves it in Chan’s side and he groans.

“We had an agreement once already and you broke it.” Lewis reminds, shocking him once more. “Let’s see how long before the True Alpha breaks.”

“You know I didn’t kill my brother. You were there.”

“Doesn’t matter. Society will never see you as the True Alpha.”

Chan growled, fighting against the restraints.

Lewis electrocuted him once more. “I can do this all day, Chris.”

“Don’t call me that.” Chan seethes.

“No? It’s your name, is it not?”

“Not anymore.”

“Shame” Lewis jabs him with another five hundred volts of electricity.

“Stop!” Hyunjin cries out.

Lewis smirks, making his way over to the betas.

“You can take his place if you like…” Lewis gestured.

“No…” Chan growled, out of breath as he recovered.

“Why did you bring us here? To torture and kill us?” Jisung asked.

“No. You’re bait for my sweet little omega to come back to me.” Lewis answered, coming over to Jisung’s cell.

Without warning, He stuck the pole between the slots of the cell door and shocked Jisung. He cried out, falling back.

“Leave us alone.” Hyunjin growled.

Lewis stepped over, looking Hyunjin deep in the eyes and smirked. “That was her exact cell you’re standing in. Maybe you can leave her a little note for when she returns.” 

Hyunjin banged on the door, only making Lewis laugh as he returned back to Chan.

Knock. Knock.

It was doctor Quinn at the basement door. Felix poked his head out the med room, ushering her in. She hurried over.

“Talk to me.” She said, coming in to see Jeongin holding your hand.

“We got a faint heart beat about five minutes ago.” Felix stated.

“How long without one?” Quinn asked, looking over your new mark.

Felix and Jeongin exchanged glances, the silence making Quinn look up.

“Nearly…twenty minutes of CPR.” Felix said in a small voice.

“Twenty minutes? Two Zero?”

Felix nodded. “I gave her epi and amiodarone.”

Quinn took your vitals as they both stood by and watched.

“Her blood pressure is still low and her she’s brachycardic.” Quinn explained. “We will need to keep an eye on her until she regains consciousness. So tell me what the hell happened.”

“I guess Minho started his rut this morning. They were…you know, when we heard her scream. We all rushed in and he was on top of her still going even though she was unconscious. I don’t know if he even knows what happened.” Felix told her.

“He went feral?”

“I think so.” 

“So she probably screamed when he bit her, seeing as she was already marked. Although that mark is fading.” Quinn shook her head. “I told Chan to have me there when he felt it was time and she was ready. I never expected this to happen. Where’s Minho now?”

“Rut house chained up. He kept trying to get back to her.” Jeongin explained. “He didn’t want any help from us.”

“He might eventually calm down and allow one of you to help so keep trying.” Quinn said.

“So what do we do now?” Felix asks.

“Now we wait for her to wake.” Quinn asked.

They waited hours, Minho alone in the rut house as everyone sat in the basement. It was awkwardly quiet as they all strained their ears to focus on your heart rate. 

Changbin’s phone ringing broke the silence. He stood, moving to take the call outside.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Hello. This is Seungcheol. I was calling because I can’t seem to reach Chan. I called him a few times and Minho as well but neither of them answered. Did he make it home?”

“Uh…no. They aren’t here.” Changbin turned from the door, facing everyone.

They were so caught up with waiting for you to wake, they lost track of time and realized their mates never showed up.

“He was supposed to send me a document by four. They should have been home by now.” Seungcheol noted.

“They definitely should have been home.” Changbin snapped his fingers and Felix was quick to call Chan. Jeongin called Hyunjin and Seungmin called Jisung.

They all received no answer.

“They aren’t answering us either.”

“Seems like the Nykos made their move…” Seungcheol said. “We’ll be there within the hour.”

TAGLIST:

@estella-novella @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @butterflydemons @readr1221 @gaby105-skz @notevenheretbh1 @bah2004 @sinfulfic @bowsnbang @just-a-blackthorn-cookie @dreamerwasfound @motheraiya55 @m00njinnie @writeuntilthebitterend @jutdwae-flower @staytinyluv @emmxxsworld @galaxy4489 @wolfo2027 @iknow-uknow-leeknow @thatgirlangelb

Shout out to my lovely betas!! @its-the-solar-system @cherry-erii

[sunnybunnyy2]

My Ex-boyfriends New Girl

prologue

chapter summary: the events that force your hand in your revenge scheme come to light as you find out the man who you have loved for the past three years isn't the man you needed him to be. 

word count: 4.1k

pairings: Rafe Cameron x ex!fem!reader, Sofia x fem!reader

warnings: angst, cheating, toxic relationship, asshole Rafe, swearing, not much Sofia :/ and probably bad writing.

authors note: hi!! This is the prologue to my new Sofia fic series. Tumblr has not been doing my girl justice so I decided to take matters into my own hands and write for her. I deeply apologize for any typos or any mistakes (mostly if I confuse second person and third because I am not used to writing in second). Please reach out of you want to be added to the taglist!!

series masterlist next chapter

"Wow...I can't believe you did all of this..." you said as you admired the beautifully set table in front of you. It was littered with plucked red roses and lit-up orange candles. It was perfect- well at least nearly perfect. As much as you appreciated the gesture, you couldn't help but be saddened that the only flower on the table was the one you couldn't stand. 

You felt as though they were overused and cliche, but it wasn't necessarily the flowers that downed your mood but the mere fact that you had told him countless times how much you loathed them and yet, once again he had stuffed them in your face.

It was as though he never heard a single word that came out of your mouth. It was okay, you supposed as at least he put the effort in, in the first place. 

"Of course, I would, baby. It's our three year, I would be stupid if I didn't." Rafe stated with a small smile, that was all he was willing to offer after the events of his father's death. You could tell it was weighing him down but you couldn't do more than you already were. 

You were skipping your classes, sleeping over every night, had arranged the funeral with him and been by his side every step of the way. You were exhausted but you knew he was going through the worst time of his life and was going through worse than you. That's what you kept telling yourself, that he needed comfort more than you did. That had calmed you down for the time being but it had been months and you knew that you were gonna snap one day soon, leading you to truly hope that it was when Rafe was in a good headspace but with the way life was going, you didn't know when that would be. 

"Well, the stupid part is kind of debatable." You shrugged as you stabbed a piece of carrot with your fork. 

"Hey!" Rafe laughed softly as he kicked your leg under the table, his hand reaching for his glass of scotch. 

"I mean it though... thank you for doing all of this."

You said as you looked at him, your eyes full of love for the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. He simply nods as he pours himself another drink, but you can tell from the light coat of pink on his cheeks that he is blushing. "I love you." You finished as you reached your hand over to hold the one that had a grasp on the bottle while he was still pouring a flood of alcohol into his glass. The action stopped him in his tracks as you lowered his hand and he let go of the half-full bottle. 

"I love you too, baby." He muttered the phrase as he looked into your eyes causing yours to water as you pulled away to fix the napkin on your lap and then began to eat the slightly burnt food your boyfriend had prepared.

-Six days later- 

From: Sister-in-law✨

Hey

Sent 4:34 pm

It's Sarah. I changed my number a few weeks ago I'm not sure if you have it or not.

Sent 4:34 pm

I just wanted to let you know that I broke into Tannyhill like an hour ago to get a few of my things and heard a girl in Rafe's room. 

Sent 4:36 pm

It didn't sound like you and if I'm wrong then I'm sorry but I don't think I am. 

Sent 4:37 pm

You stared at the messages in front of you as your eyes continued to read over them just like they had for the last five minutes. You couldn't seem to tear them away. 

You had known Sarah for the last three years, even before she went all pogue and left the only life she had ever known. And though you were confused about why she did at first- when Ward's toxic actions had come to light, you had driven your overly priced car over to the shack John B called home and simply hugged the girl. She had cried in your arms because she knew that even though you loved her brother, you had believed her and loved her too. 

Even when you had sat on the kook side of the courthouse the day John B was arrested, your sympathetic gaze was enough to let her know that you weren't sure what to do and chose to stick by the only life you had ever known, and she couldn't fault you for that. She would have done the same if it was just another Pogue, but it wasn't. It was the man she loved and she knew that you loved Rafe and needed to do what was right for your relationship.

You had called her later that night to give her any information that you might have known about what Rafe and Ward were planning which ultimately led to John B getting out... she would never forget what you did. 

You were her sister more than Rafe was her brother and that wasn't going to change just because you were doing what it took to keep the man you loved safe, just like she was. 

A tear dropped from your eye and landed on the blue messages causing some of the words to blur as you hastily pulled yourself out of your bedroom and ran to your car.

You couldn't even remember the ride over as you hurried up the stairs of Tannyhill. You did know one thing though, Sarah wouldn't have lied to you and even when you hoped Rafe hadn’t lied to you earlier that morning when he assured you that you could head back to your family home- It made sense to you. He sent you home so he could finally get alone time with his side piece. 

You whipped his door open and simply nodded to yourself when your boyfriend quickly pulled away from the blue-eyed redhead to meet your eyes before quickly rolling off the bed and pulling on his shorts when he finally processed who was standing in the doorway. You ran down the stairs of the biggest home on the island and the place that you had called your second home for the last three years.

You could hear the sound of the girl calling for him and the sound of him practically flying down the stairs behind you in hopes of catching you before you made it to your car and the probability of you running him over became more likely than you hearing him out.

He was faster than you thought as his large hand wrapped around your forearm, stopping you in your tracks. You whip around with your hand raised as you prepare to smack him across the face but he catches your arm with his other hand before he harshly shoves you backward. Tears run down your cheeks as you head down his too-long driveway and it certainly doesn't help that you decided to park right at the gate and run to his home. 

"Baby, just stop-" He started his voice thick as he ran after you, but he was cut off before he could speak further.

"Don't call me that! You can't just baby me and I'll somehow find it in myself to forgive you. It's not happening. Have a nice life with Merida." You shot back, your tone quickly turned from heartbroken to mocking as the second stage of grief took over.

"Look... after my dad, I just..." He bowed his head after he had finally found an excuse you may actually fall for as all the kind actions you had done for him after his father died flashed through his mind, a chill ran through him as guilt began to run through him as the extent of his choices had begun to settle in. He chose getting in the pants of a random girl over his girlfriend who had stood by him after all the bad he had done. A part of him hoped that you would do that this time- bend your morals to keep him by your side. 

"Jesus Christ! Don't you dare use his death as an excuse!" You shutter out a breath as you refuse to fall for his guilt-tripping. You knew that you act crazy when experiencing grief, you had experienced it yourself when you had lost your mother a few years back. You went through the stages of grief alone as your father travelled in hopes of returning and being a better father to you but instead of him becoming a better father, his running off completely ruined your relationship. You were all alone for months with no one by your side, until you met Rafe six months after the death of your mother. And though he didn't help you through it directly, his presence had filled some of the hole in your heart and had given you something else to focus on. 

You had been through the loss of your mother who died of stomach cancer, the loss of your cousin who was murdered and the loss of your younger sister who had perished in a car accident when you were twelve. You had known more about loss than anyone you had been close with and knew firsthand how grief could affect you- especially when you lose a parent- but Rafe had, had your support and love through it all. You had been by his side through it all even though he and his dad weren't close, even though your boyfriend had hired a hitman on his own father only to cheat on his girlfriend and blame it on his father when he had been dead for four and a half months. 

"Look," You continued as you brought your weakened arms up to your hips as you scrutinized him dead in his eye. "I'm sorry about your dad. I really am- but newsflash the guys dead! And he has been for months- and for months, I've been bending over backwards to help you get through it just for you... to prove to me that I made a mistake. That I wasted not just months of my life helping you but years of my life loving you." You saw the range of emotions that flashed over his face as he attempted to process your words. It started with tears at the mention of his father, but his sadness flashed to anger as you began to mention all you had done for him and looked as though he was about to interrupt you but you just kept going, until it flashed to something darker.

"I told you when we started out that I had three deal breakers. Disrespect of any kind, lying and cheating- and so far you've managed to cross them all off, didn't you? Should I start yelling bingo?" You let out an angry laugh that resembles a heartbroken one as you turn around and head to your car.

"If you take one more step, I will make sure you regret it." His words came out like they were natural like you were one of the people he despised most. As if you hadn’t been the most important person to him for the last three years. It was jarring how different his voice was when he wasn’t telling you he loved you. 

You stop in your tracks as a chill runs down your spine, there is something in his tone... an edge it has that sends a warning through you. You know what he's done and what he's capable of. And as much as it hurt you to think this, you could count every time he had ever scared on one hand but right now, this wasn't just fear creeping through you- it was terror. 

He didn't have anything to lose anymore. His mother had been gone since he was thirteen, Sarah had chosen her true family over her blood family, Rose had taken Wheezie just days after Ward's body was found and had run for the hills without even taking a second thought about the grief her stepchildren were going through while holding on to the remaining gold and lastly, the one person he loved more than this his siblings and more than you- his father- was gone and he was never coming back. 

He was no longer enrolled in college anymore and even if he was, he never went to his classes and definitely wouldn't now. He didn't have a job other than his half-assed company he was so hellbent on making. A large part of you felt sorry for him; he was going through a lot and didn't have anyone by his side, but an even larger part of you felt more bad for yourself. You loved him blindly, stuck with him after he took someone's life, stayed with him after he tried to kill his sister twice, stayed with him through his cocaine addiction, stayed with him after the death of his father and after his youngest sister was taken from him. You would have willingly been his home had he not shown you time and time again that he would stray for something else that caught his attention. First it it was the coke, then the gold, then his father's approval and now some random girl. You would have been crazed to even consider staying with him this time and to be frank, it didn't even cross your mind. 

"Is that a threat, Rafe? You gonna kill me like you killed Peterkin?" You asked sharply.

"Nah...you'll just have to wait and see. You're gonna regret ever leaving his driveway." A small, creepy smile spread across his face and it was that damn smile that showed you that you were right to be done with him. He had finally lost it. 

"Yeah, I don't think I will. Nothing you do to me would be worse than staying with you." And with those words you took that one step, the one that would seal your fate as you took those final steps to your sleek car before you pulled yourself in and slammed the door. Through the windshield window, you could see Rafe still standing there with his arms crossed as if he was expecting you to hop out of your car and run to him but he was clearly mistaken as you shifted your car gear and stepped on the gas like your life depended on it and in your defence, you were as you hurtled out of Tannyhill without looking back.

And though it was reckless you pulled out your phone as you slowed down on the gas when you considered yourself a safe distance away from your crazed ex boyfriend. With your phone in your hand, you opened up Sarah's contact and your eyes locked on her earlier messages. The same messages that seemed to blow up your three-year relationship. 

Hey

Sent 4:34 pm

It's Sarah. I changed my number a few weeks ago I'm not sure if you have it or not.

Sent 4:34 pm

I just wanted to let you know that I broke into Tannyhill like an hour ago to get a few of my things and heard a girl in Rafe's room. 

Sent 4:36 pm

It didn't sound like you and if I'm wrong then I'm sorry but I don't think I am. 

Sent 4:37 pm

You changed contact to: Sista from another mista ✨

To: Sista from another mista ✨

Thank you for telling me. It wasn't me. It was some rando Rafe was screwing.

Sent 5:59 pm

Me and your brother are done

Sent 5:59 pm

I am so sorry that I didn't leave him sooner, I was stupid but I'm not anymore. 

Sent 6:00 pm

I love you :/

Sent 6:02 pm

And a few minutes later you were in some fast food restaurant parking lot eating way too much food while slurping down a large milkshake as you accepted that multiple years of your life were wasted when Sarah finally responded. 

From: Sista from another mista✨

Omg Y/N, I'm so so so sorry

Read 6:16 pm

As much as I thought he loved you, he can never put anyone above himself and I'm sorry if you're not in the mood to shit talk him but you deserve better

Read 6:17 pm

You always have and it hurts that you're just realizing it now. 

Read 6:17 pm

No matter what you will always be my sister. I may love you even more now that you had the guts to leave him. 

Read 6:18 pm

To: Sister-in-law✨

It's fine. I was dumb asf, I guess I needed him to screw someone else to realize. 

Read 6:18 pm

Rafe is chaos and I guess I am too. 

Read 6:18 pm

Nothing has to change between you and me. I could even stop by more without Rafe on my ass. 

Read 6:18 pm

From: Sister-in-law✨

Yes!! That's such an upside and don't beat yourself up over it. You are not chaos. Rafe is. At least you left, my mom never did.

Read 6:19 pm

You could feel the hurt through the message. She loved her mom but she had never left her father even though he was a less-than-stellar husband. You had done what her mother didn't. 

I'm ALWAYS here if you need to talk, no judgment. 

Read 6:20 pm

I love you💗 always

Read 6:20 pm

To: Sister-in-law✨

I love you too Sare<3

Hearted 6:21 pm

The next day your life was flipped upside down after you received a call from Yale University to personally notify you that you had been expelled for unlawful drug use after Rafe had anonymously sent a video to your university of you doing coke for the first time two years ago after he had talked you into it and you hadn’t done it since as you didn't like how it made you feel. He even went as far as getting someone to plant a small amount of coke in your car resulting in you getting arrested in a ditch after being pulled over. After that, your father gave you an ultimatum. He speaks to Topper's grandfather who is a respected judge- and gets him to let you off the hook if you go to a rehab centre or you get charged for carrying drugs in your car and get up to a year in prison. And no matter how much you tried to convince him that you didn't do cocaine and that it was only that one time, he didn't even want to hear you out.

And as much as you didn't want to go to rehab, you knew that it was better than prison. 

Though you knew Rafe would want to get revenge on you for breaking it off with him, you never would have expected him to partake in such a deliberate and evil takedown for experiencing the consequences of his selfish actions. It was insane to think that you had spent years of your life with a man who you thought would do anything for you, he had looked at you like you hung the moon and the stars yet he had disrespected you and humiliated you beyond belief for some random girl? You had never seen her before so you could only assume she was a Pogue which you highly doubted from the way he spoke about lower-class people, so that could only mean that she was a tourist. He had thrown your whole relationship away for some girl who was gonna leave a few days later but he felt the need to single-handedly ruin your life for having a problem with it? 

You had kicked yourself every day you spent in the hellhole that was rehab, the doctors looked down upon you like you were the bane of their existence, it was exhausting constantly being judged for being an addict when you weren't even one, to begin with. Hell, the place made you want to do drugs. You couldn't quite understand why a place that was supposed to help you overcome addiction would do so little good with the amount of money that goes into funding them. 

Your stay at the rehab centre was only two months but it took you seven months to return to OBX as you were sent to go live with your aunt, Mae, in New York. And in those five months, you stewed as you put a plan into action to wreak havoc upon the man who ruined your life.

Now, eight months after the fall of the most talked about couple on the island- you were sitting in the country club sipping a pina colada that a pretty bartender made while wearing a beautiful floral dress. 

The booming sound of your ex-boyfriend's laugh brought you out of your head as you slowly turned your neck to look over at the approaching man, and thankfully he was by the other side of the bar which caused a smile to curl up your lips slightly as your plan seemed to set into motion, however- your smile dropped as he leaned down to kiss the pretty bartender who made your drink just a few minutes prior shocking you to your core. 

You had heard from Sarah that Rafe was dating some poor girl from the cut but you hadn't expected it to be the girl you had just made small talk with a few minutes ago, and you certainly hadn't expected her to be...her.

From your conversation, you could tell that she was a very sweet girl who was just trying to change the financial situation that she had been born into and you admired that deeply. In said conversation, you had learned that she was twenty-two making you two the same age and that she was born in Mexico City but moved to the cut when she was very young. 

You also couldn't ignore the fact that she was beautiful and if you were going to be serious, you were pretty jealous and not because Rafe had moved on- but because he was dating one of the most beautiful girls you had ever seen while you were tucked away in a facility or stuck in the presence of your annoying cousins.

You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear as you listen to their conversation.

"Hey, baby." He used to call me that. "I missed you this morning." So their sleeping over? You picked apart every word of their conversation, you couldn't even help yourself.

"I know," she laughed, "I'm sorry, again. I had to cover Gaby's shift."

"Yeah, yeah whatever you say." He laughed causing her to grin before she slapped his chest. "I gotta go, Toppers waiting. I just wanted to say hi and put our drinks in. I'll take-" He began to list what he wanted before the shorter girl shook her head as if she had already memorized his order, and she had.

"I know... Topper want the usual?" She asked as she began to tap on the device behind the bar to type in his drink order.

"Yeah, thanks." She nods in response, her eyes fixated on the task at hand. "Love you." He smiles as he backs away, his eyes still focused on his girlfriend. 

He used to say that to me all the time, you thought. 

Those words grab her attention as she looks up with a smile so wide you guessed that it hurt but it suited her quite nicely. "Love you." After that; he turned away and headed to his table and Sofia turned back to the monitor in front of her. Then, as if she sensed your eyes on her she pulled hers away from the screen and looked over at you. She smiled at you and if it wasn't so sweet you would have guessed that she was rubbing it in your face. 

"Would you like another?" She asked as she pointed to your nearly empty drink, you nodded gently and she turned around to work on your drink, deciding that her boyfriends and his best friends could wait. 

A wide smile fills the space of the small one that had covered your face just a minute ago as you mentally changed your whole plan of taking Rafe down for a crime he didn't commit after deciding that you had a better one in mind. One that he wouldn't never see coming and it all involved your ex-boyfriend's new girl and man- it was going to feel good.

[menwrittenbywomen]

Jegulus date - word count: 4k

Why did I agree to this again? Regulus questions himself as he follows James down the stairs leading from his apartment.

He’s spending the day with James Potter. The man he’s hated since for as long as he can remember.

After they make it downstairs, they wait while James calls them a ride. Regulus is tempted to ask where they’re going, but he sort of likes the idea of it being a surprise. Normally he hates surprises, but today is not a normal day. Regulus isn’t sure if he likes that or not.

The silence while they wait isn’t as unpleasant as Regulus expects it to be. He’s never been one to try and fill the silence, but he thought James would at least try to make small talk. The man normally never shuts up. However, he seems to be lost in thought at the moment. He’s staring into the distance with a faraway look. Regulus continues to stare at James, taking him in fully without the stress of having him look back. There are no words that need to be said at the moment.

Instead, a comfortable quiet fills the space between them. Regulus likes that he now knows that James has the ability to shut up on occasion. It’s easier to not be annoyed by him that way.

Their taxi arrives a little later, and it seems to snap James out of his thoughts. He turns to Regulus.

“Ready?” He asks, a gleeful look on his face.

Regulus gives a nod and starts forward. They take a taxi because he isn’t a fan of subways. They’re way too crowded, and if there’s ever an available seat, it’s covered in too many unidentifiable liquids.

Trying not to think about what sort of liquids the taxi seats have seen, he gets in and scoots over to leave some space. James sits a respectful distance away, which slightly offends Regulus. What’s so wrong with him that James wants to sit so far away? Not that Regulus wants him any closer. It’s just the semantics that upset him.

The car ride is silent on Regulus’ part. He looks out the window and certainly does not pout while James strikes up a conversation with the driver. Because of course he does. It turns out that they have quite a lot in common. They go to the same gym, enjoy the same movies, and like the same music. Regulus is then stuck listening to Kendrick Lamar's new album for the rest of the short ride. He debates opening the car door and jumping out onto the bustling street.

When they arrive at their destination, Regulus is actually a little impressed. They’re at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. Regulus has never been despite living in the city for a while now. He loves museums and art, but he usually tells himself he’s too busy to indulge himself like that.

He regrets not spending more time doing the things he loves. There are so many opportunities he’s missed that if he tried to count them, the day would be long over.

They both exit the taxi, and James refuses to let Regulus pay. James thanks the driver, who is now a new friend of his apparently, and then holds out his arms as if presenting a prize to Regulus on a game show.

“Ta-da!”

“It’s a museum,” Regulus states. He tries his best to sound unimpressed despite the excitement coursing through him.

“Yes, the best one in Boston! C’mon, it’s gonna be fun.” James skips ahead, genuinely skips, and Regulus wonders if he'll get arrested for assault if he hits James.

James comes back over and sees the unamused look on Regulus’ face. He smiles and ushers to the entrance. Regulus shakes his head but begins walking. James slows to match his pace, and Regulus purposefully ignores the fluttering feeling he gets.

They pay and enter the museum, going first to the large garden called the Courtyard. Regulus lets out a gasp when he sees it.

It’s one of the most beautiful gardens Regulus has ever seen. It’s overflowing with flowers and beautiful architecture. This is the kind of place he could sit for hours and forget the world.

“I love it,” he says aloud. He hadn’t meant to, but when James turns to him he keeps speaking despite himself. “I could stay forever and not worry about a thing.”

James nods along, looking out at the beautiful scenery. “I’d stay here forever with you if you’d let me,” he says, and surely Regulus misheard him. A moment later, James laughs awkwardly, and Regulus supposes he must have been making a joke.

James and his stupid jokes.

Regulus huffs before making his way to the closest room in the museum. It’s called the Macknight Room, and it’s full of wonderful artwork for Regulus to gawk at. He notices James enter behind him, but pays him no mind.

He looks at a lovely watercolor painting of the Grand Canyon. It astonishes him that there are such beautiful places in the world. It saddens him to think that he may never get to see them. Maybe he should be more like James and take time to enjoy things. However, the thought of being anything like James makes him feel a bit sick, so he decides to put a pin in the idea.

Eventually, he and James end up side by side again. James asks him a question about an object on the table in front of them, and Regulus decides to forgive him for his joke. He’s not got much time for grudge-holding today. He answers James’ question, then another, and another, not getting annoyed in the slightest. They begin to make their way through the museum, and it’s surprisingly Regulus who does most of the talking.

They see works by Rembrandt, Degas, and even Michaelangelo. Regulus finds himself enjoying the experience way too much. He keeps telling himself to calm down, it’s just a painting, or a sculpture, or a vase. He starts going on tangents to James about the artwork, and James seems content just to listen to him. Regulus is surprised he hasn’t asked him to shut up yet. He can get kind of annoying about art, as his friends have told him many times.

He interrupts himself in the middle of telling James about a painting by Rubens. “Sorry, I’m ranting again. You can tell me to stop talking, I know it’s probably annoying.”

James firmly shakes his head, surprising Regulus again. “You’re not annoying, Regulus. You’re just passionate. I like hearing you talk about art. Your face lights up when you do.”

Regulus can’t do anything about the blush that appears at that. He turns away quickly and avoids James for a little while.

They eventually make their way through almost the entire museum. The last room they visit is the Spanish Cloister. Regulus thinks this is one of his favorites. It has beautiful works by Sargent, Seville, and many talented others.

Regulus' favorite is one by John S. Sargent called El Jaleo. It depicts a performer dancing in a tavern with musicians playing for her in the background. Regulus likes it because he feels like he can relate to the woman dancing. She’s trapped in the painting, putting on a show for everyone for eternity. Regulus feels like his whole life has been one big performance. Performing for his parents, for strangers, for himself.

The painting is a myriad of colors and objects. There’s so much going on that it’s hard to figure out where to look. Regulus is drawn to the woman, however, and he wishes that she could curtsy so the show can be over.

James comes to stand next to him. “Do you like this one?”

It’s hard to find the words to describe how the painting makes him feel. He can only think of two words to say, but he knows they’re not enough.

“It’s beautiful,” Regulus whispers.

“Yes, it is,” James says back.

Regulus turns and is surprised to find James looking at him instead of the painting, another stupid smile on his face. He must have turned his head a split second before Regulus did. That’s the only explanation.

James is opening his mouth to speak, and Regulus waits with bated breath. He doesn’t know what he wants James to say, but he knows that he wants it to be something monumental.

“I’m glad you asked me to spend the day with you,” James says, and Regulus wants to take back his wish. James is so earnest too; Regulus knows he means what he says. He wants to tell James what he’s thinking, but that would involve being open with his feelings.

Regulus is a coward. He doesn’t respond. He turns away.

It’s silent, and then:

“Are you hungry?” James asks him for the second time that day. Before Regulus can answer, his stomach betrays him by growling. They both laugh. Regulus is learning that laughter can be nice sometimes.

“C’mon, I know a great place not too far from here.” He follows James out of the room, pausing to look at El Jaleo one last time.

The performer, stuck forever in a dance. He’s worried he can understand her a little too well.

He blinks away tears he didn’t realize had formed in his eyes and catches up to James. Look at him, getting emotional over a painting. It would make Sirius laugh.

Regulus hates to admit that he misses that laugh.

Once they’ve left the museum, they grab another taxi. This time, the ride isn’t silent and they keep a nice conversation going. They talk about their favorite things from the museum, and Regulus corrects James when he gets things wrong and laughs at James’ funny descriptions of the art. The ride seems to be over too quickly.

They both exit the taxi, James once again paying despite Regulus’ protests. He wants to tell James that he has the entire Black family inheritance burning a hole in his pocket, but he would probably just be laughed at.

They’ve been dropped off in front of a row of shops. James steps toward the one closest to them. Regulus pauses to take a look at it. The sign above the entrance reads Punjab Palace in bright red letters. James has brought him to an Indian food place. Regulus likes Indian food well enough; some of the dishes are too spicy for him as he grew up in a household where salt and pepper were oftentimes the only seasonings used. His spice tolerance is terrible, to say the least.

James turns to him, an anxious look on his face. “Are you okay with Indian food? If not, we can go somewhere else-”

“James, I’m good,” Regulus interrupts. He’s learning that James cares what people think entirely too much. “I’ve had it before, I like it. Calm down.” His words genuinely seem to calm James, and he smiles before walking to the entrance. Regulus follows him inside.

Once they're seated, he anxiously takes out his phone but doesn’t do anything more besides go to his home screen. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He hates small talk but feels it’s what is expected when two people eat together. He waits for James to initiate the conversation.

“My parents used to bring me here when I was younger,” James says in a fond voice. Regulus is glad he’s with someone unafraid to speak. Regulus often feels like he’d rather die than say anything.

He nods along instead of speaking. He’s of the opinion that sometimes things people say don’t require a response from the listener, especially if there are no words that are meaningful enough. He supposes he could say “Oh, that’s cool” or “Nice”, but those aren’t big enough to say how he really feels. He wishes he had the words to say that he thinks that it’s amazing that James’ parents took him to such a cool place growing up, and it’s great that his parents are so nice and loving, and that he’s sad that he didn’t have any of that growing up but he’s happy for James at the same time. But he doesn't know how to say any of that. So he just nods instead.

James doesn’t seem to mind his nonverbal responses and continues to talk. “My mom likes things that remind her of home. Food, music, dancing. I used to love dancing with her when I was a kid.” Hearing James talk so fondly of his mother makes Regulus think of his own. She never danced with him or Sirius and was never kind. Regulus knows that she’s the main reason his brother ran away from home. He’s glad that Sirius was able to find a mother who is nice, even if it meant he was left alone with one who wasn’t.

“She sounds lovely,” Regulus says. She sounds like everything a mother should be. Everything Regulus isn’t.

“She is. She’s the best.” He then says something Regulus isn’t expecting. “You should meet her someday. I think you guys would get along.”

Regulus is surprised that James thinks he should meet his mother. He doesn’t think James likes him all that much. So to suggest that he meet Euphemia Potter is a little strange. And how does James know they’d get along anyway? He barely knows anything about Regulus.

Before Regulus can respond, a waiter arrives to greet them. When the waiter asks what they’d like to drink, James orders something called a mango lassi while Regulus plays it safe and gets a Diet Coke. James also asks for some saag tikki and garlic naan, and the waiter hurries off to put in their order.

“I’m excited for you to try some of this food. Growing up, this was my equivalent to McDonald’s.” Regulus sort of understands the reference; he was never allowed fast food growing up. He supposes his version of McDonald’s would be when he and Sirius would stay with their Uncle Alphard when they were young. He would make them delicious foods their parents wouldn’t let them have otherwise.

It’s then that the waiter comes back with their drinks and appetizers. Regulus mentally applauds the fast service. The waiter asks if they're ready to order, and Regulus panics and picks his menu up. James thankfully orders first, giving Regulus time to scan. When the waiter turns to him, he orders chicken tikka masala because it’s the only dish he recognizes. He’s had it before and liked it, so it’s the safest option.

The waiter leaves again, and a silence ensues. Regulus sips his coke while James has some of his mango drink. James lets out a sound that’s entirely too close to a moan for Regulus’ liking. He shoots James an offended look.

“Sorry,” James says, not looking sorry at all. Honestly, doesn’t he know better than to make noises like that? Someone could get the wrong idea. “I just haven’t had one of these in forever and I forgot how good it is.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t give you an excuse to moan like you’re in a cheap porno,” he says, then immediately regrets it when he sees a glint in James’ eye.

“I bet you’d love-” James is interrupted by Regulus throwing a piece of naan at his face. This effectively shuts him up.

“Do not finish that sentence.” James looks at Regulus with a shocked expression. He clearly didn’t expect to have a piece of bread thrown at him.

“I can’t believe you just threw naan at me.” James sounds offended, but Regulus can tell he’s only joking from the look on his face. He proceeds to pick up the naan that had fallen onto the table after it smacked his forehead and eat it.

“I would have thrown my knife at you, but I’m a gentleman.” James lets out a loud laugh at that.

“Regulus Black, you are full of surprises.” Regulus doesn’t believe that. He’s very predictable. He always has a snide comment or sarcastic remark, and his smiles are almost never present. He can always be counted on to bring reality to someone’s wild dreams and keep them from making rash decisions. So yes, he’s predictable, but he likes that James doesn’t see him that way. He likes that he sees him as a mystery to solve, something that has hidden answers. He then wonders why he likes that it’s James who sees him that way before clearing that thought away. That was dangerous territory.

James takes another sip of his drink, this time behaving himself for Regulus’ benefit. “This was my favorite drink as a kid.” He pushes the glass toward Regulus. “Here, try it.” He takes a cautious sip and is surprised to find that it tastes good. It’s not like anything he’s had before, but he likes it nonetheless.

“I like it,” Regulus tells James as he slides the drink back. This makes James happy. He’s too easy to please.

They make small talk while they wait, but it’s not as painful as Regulus expects it to be. James is a pro at keeping the conversation flowing, and Regulus realizes that he’s actually enjoying himself. He never expected that to happen with James in close vicinity, let alone him being the one to make Regulus happy. Today has to be the strangest day ever.

The waiter brings out their food while they’re in the middle of a debate over whether cereal is a soup. It was starting to get a little heated, so the food came out at a great time.

James starts in on his chicken curry and Regulus can smell the spices from it across the table. He takes a small bite of his own food, and his eyes widen. It’s amazing. He starts eating and doesn’t stop until the whole plate is empty.

He looks up to see that James devoured his food as well. They both seem to be amused at their eagerness. The food was just too delicious to do anything other than savor it.

The waiter comes to clear the empty plates, taking the credit card James hands over.

“I could have paid,” Regulus says, but James waves him off.

“I suggested we come here and you trusted me. It’s on me today.” Regulus nods in thanks. The waiter comes back with their receipt, but neither one stands to go.

“Do you-”

“Are we-”

They both pause when they begin speaking at the same time.

“You first,” James laughs.

“I was just going to ask if you still wanted to spend the day together. Don’t feel obligated to say yes.”

“I was just about to ask the same thing,” James says with a grin. “I’m having fun, so why stop here?” Regulus' stomach does something funny that he ignores.

“Yeah. Why stop here?” Regulus repeats. They stare at each other then. It feels important, and monumental. Then James looks away, and the moment ends.

“Time for dessert,” He announces.

“James, I’m so full. I don’t think I can manage dessert.” Regulus feels ready to burst. He hasn’t had a good meal in forever.

James stands from his chair. “The place I have in mind is about thirty minutes away, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Thirty minutes?” Regulus says as he stands. He embarrassingly stumbles a bit. James reaches out a hand to help, but Regulus just glares at it until he retracts it. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” Hasn't this whole day been one big surprise?

Another taxi. Another drive. Regulus is noticing a pattern to the day. James leads and he follows. He just hopes he’s not led in the wrong direction.

They pass a sign on the way that states they’ve left the city. Regulus looks at their surroundings and realizes where they’re going.

“Why are we going to Cambridge?” He questions James.

James only shrugs nonchalantly. “You asked me to show you my favorite places.”

“Yeah, in Boston,” Regulus deadpans. He’s not sure he wants to go cross-country with James. They’d argue over the music playing in the car and inevitable crash or something.

James refuses to give him any more answers. Regulus is stubborn and tries his best though. He’s realizing James may be almost as stubborn as he is, which is going to be a problem if they continue arguing.

Regulus amuses himself by looking out the window. He’s always loved car rides. It’s nice to look at the scenery as they pass by. It makes him think about how big the world is and how small he is in comparison. Most would find that thought scary, but Regulus finds comfort in it. It reminds him that everything he does is insignificant and won’t matter one day, so he has all the freedom in the world.

They eventually make it further into Cambridge, and the taxi stops. They have arrived outside of an ice cream shop. Regulus loves ice cream, but there’s no way James knew that. It’s just a happy coincidence.

“Ice cream is my favorite,” Regulus admits to James as they hop in line to wait.

“Yeah, you mentioned it before, so I thought I’d show you my favorite ice cream shop.”

Regulus is confused. “When did I tell you I like ice cream?”

James laughs. “You didn’t tell me. I overheard you say it to Remus a few months back.” With that, he turns to look at the flavors on display.

Regulus doesn’t know what to think. It’s thoughtful that James remembered something he said from months ago. Too thoughtful for two people who are supposed to hate each other. Regulus wants to know what else James knows about him. He also wants to learn more about James.

He’s terrible at this whole hatred thing.

When it’s their turn, James orders a double dip of a strange flavor called Passion Fruit Caramel. When Regulus makes a face, James laughs and explains that he’s on a mission to try all the different flavors the shop offers, and that this is the only one they’re offering today that he’s yet to try.

He thinks that it’s a very James thing to do.

Regulus once again plays it safe and orders a single dip of Burnt Caramel. He wasn’t allowed to have very many sweets when growing up, so now as an adult, he attempts to make up for his loss by eating sweet things whenever he can.

Regulus manages to pay for his ice cream even though James insists, and they take their cups outside. There are benches lined along the sidewalk and they have a seat. Regulus notices that James sits a little closer than he did in the taxi from earlier.

James has some of his, making sure to let Regulus and all the passerby know how good it is by the sounds he makes. They are thankfully more PG this time.

Regulus excitedly takes a bite of his and has to force himself not to spit it back out. It’s bitter and not at all how he expects it to taste. He swallows quickly and wishes he had something to get the taste out of his mouth. He sticks his tongue out like a toddler without thinking about it, wanting anything to make the flavor go away.

“Everything okay?” It seems James has noticed his distress. Great.

“No,” Regulus answers petulantly. “It’s bitter and doesn’t taste good.” He gets up to throw the ice cream away in the nearest trash can. He comes back to where James is sitting, mood effectively ruined because of some stupid dessert.

James looks sympathetic. “Have some of mine.” He holds his cup out but Regulus hesitates. “Tastes good, promise.” James sounds so genuine that Regulus really has no choice. He once again attempts to be brave and tries a small bite. James isn’t lying; it tastes delicious. It’s slightly tart from the passion fruit but the sweet caramel balances it well. It’s also super creamy and one of the best things Regulus has ever tasted. He takes another, bigger bite and has to hold back a delighted groan.

The small kindness goes a long way. Regulus is still trying to decipher the mystery that is James Potter. The man is choosing to spend time with him even though he’s been cruel to him, and now he’s sharing his very tasty ice cream when he’s not obligated to. Regulus tries to think of words big enough to encompass his gratitude but falls short. He can really only think of two words to say, and he hopes they’re enough.

“Thank you,” Regulus whispers. It’s probably the nicest thing he’s ever said to James. It makes the man smile, and Regulus decides he may have to make a habit of being nicer to James. Where before he found the smiles quite annoying, looking at it now, it was actually really pleasant to look at. James' smile lights up his whole face. It’s as if there’s this constant joy inside him that’s ready to burst at any moment. Now that joy is directed at Regulus, just because of two small words he said.

And then Regulus does something very unexpected.

For once, he smiles back.