vividdreamerblg-blog

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

for my birthday i want to manifest :

my destiny. 

my character

who i am

who im meant to be

my beautiful soul 

a safe and loving environment for my daughter

love within myself

grounding myself within my soul 

get rid of my fear

pursue happiness

be in the moment of my life

be excited for myself

a perfect home for us

a partner who loves , protects, values, cherishes, is passionate about me and honors my daughter and I. 

Most importantly  I want to live a life thats passionate. full of happiness and love. I want to accept myself on a real deep level. To know that I am not perfect , but I am not a bad person. I’m doing what I need to do everyday to ensure I get better and come into the light and who Im meant to be. I love myself, i love me, and even though right now Im broken, I know I can be fixed. I will not be scared of happiness. I will not be scared. I will not hold fear in my heart. God has a great plan for me, God is looking out for me. God is helping me. I am grateful for the life that has been given to me and the wonderful gorgeous daughter that God has blessed me with. I will pray for her everyday.

All in all for my birthday, i manifest abundance in all areas of my life. 

Thank you God, Thank you  Spirits. Blessed be.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

- Jesus (Matthew 19: 23-26)

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

Bad idea for a Romantic Comedy The Chief of Police is married to a Mob Boss, and they have to keep “just failing” to catch each other. When one of them hits the other in a shootout, it’s followed with “Oh I’m never going to hear the end of this…”

“So how was your day at work?” “YOU FUCKING SHOT ME! THAT WAS MY DAY AT WORK!”

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

young souls don't die.

we create art and live on inside of it.

we create love that becomes an everlasting storybook full of passionate days and elegant nights.

young souls with wise minds,

we don't die.

We were created with love and the need to feel alive.

The radiant flowers of the night, and the comforting fire of passion.

young souls don't die.

we were born, alive.

-e.g.t

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

crazy.

Crazy.

Such a simple word to describe an array of emotions.

My high school teacher said crazy, was an ignorant word.

Only used to describe something, but shouldn’t be used to describe someone.

We are complex creatures with emotions as vast as the universe.

And crazy is the only word you can use to describe me ?

I’m insulted.

…

But honestly, you’re probably past the point of care.

Me too.

In a different way than you.

I’m probably some past memory you’ve locked up in your head.

Desperately wanting to get rid of it.

Reminding you of a place you choose not to go back to.

…

For me you’re front and center.

The less I focus on you.

The more memories come pounding through like cops with a search warrant.

Ransacking my mind until all the evidence is revealed.

Memories of you.

But I’ve stopped caring about that too.

Because what can I do ?

Your hands. 

That’s what I remember most.

I only have a photographic memory when it comes to you. 

I can still feel their touch. 

Which is crazy.

The word you use to describe me now. 

…

Sometimes I wish I had never met you. 

Then my head wouldn’t be filled with these passing images.

Maybe I could stop remembering your hands. 

The only touch that granted me comfort.

… 

I’m glad you left when you did. 

I think I miss the “ what if’s “ more than I miss you.

I think I miss the wonder of what  your hands could do. 

I miss the friend I thought I had.. but friendship isn’t something you could do.

Not with me. 

Which is always my truth. 

… 

I hope one day, your love shines through. 

And you smile how you’ve always wanted to.  

I will too. 

This is supposed to be a poem, but it’s turned into a letter. 

So this ones for you. 

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

I was hungry.

My mouth watered for anything green.

I left holes in things that were good for me.

I couldn’t see my colors.

I didn’t care, I was hungry.

I needed to eat.

I made holes in things that were good for me.

My gultony had slowed me down.

I was growing very tired and I wanted to sleep.

I needed to rest.

I needed time to think.

So I made my bed.

I wrapped myself so tight daylight couldn’t get in.

I don’t how long I rested.

When I woke, I realize I wrapped myself too tight.

I broke loose, the blankets fell away without a fight.

This is the first time I truly felt the light.

I felt like air.

All the troubles that I had, I left when I rested there.

I could finally see my colors in front of me.

I would never make holes in things that were good for me again.

Instead I’ll eat the sweetness provided for me from the beauty I’ve become.

I will exchange energy, instead of eating it all up.

What luck.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

How to remove a ghost from your head

You were there and then you weren't.

You were as warm and inviting as a tropical sunrise.

Pulling me towards you with your alluring rays of sunlight.

Then you were cold, as frigid as an ice box.

The air was so cold you could bite it and the feel the crunch of ice fill your mouth. I looked around at all the barren trees.

Where it once held,

fruits

leaves

life

How did we get here ?

Half the blame is on me.

I know.

The coldness of your demeanor.

The warmth of my love for you.

Created a hurricane of emotions that couldn't be controlled by any godly force.

A push and pull.

Lull and rush

That can only be described as a catalyst of faulty words and actions. Driven by insane doubt and desire, that it can only be defined by one word

intense.

I guess our ' I love you ' words , weren't enough.

Because even actions mean everything though actions are tough.

Life can get so muddled up.

So how do you get rid of the ghost that floats through your head ?

You tell it you love it.

Keep moving ahead.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

I am more.

I hope the sun doesn't rise , I hope it stays twilight.

Thunder sounding like roars from the gods.

Rain soothing every inch of my soul washing away worries and still reminding me..

Reminding me that I'm alive.

I step onto wet lush grass.

The gods roaring , the rain feeling like a soft touch.

I wonder how two contradictions can be so beautiful.

I lift my head , wanting to feel.

Wanting to feel something that was real.

Wanting to release this void inside me and fill it with the soft touches of rain drops and the strength from the gods rumbling through the air.

I pray that rain drops fill me with grace and the gods fill me with strength.

Fill me with anything but.

I am not afraid of lightening because I'm already electric.

Swriling winds play with my hair , face , legs.

I feel the but lift from my soul and I am.

I am more.

I am the strength of gods , the grace of rain, the playfulness of wind, electricity of lightening that already lives inside me.

I am more.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

black people who make fun of other black people for their skin tone

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

…

I hope you think of me when its raining and you can feel the mist touch your skin.

I hope you think of me when you look up at the night sky, and remember how we watched it together that one night.

I hope you think of me when you pass a garden full of yellow flowers,and see the beauty in every hue.

I hope you see color again.

I hope you think of me when..

I hope you think of me.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

Numb.

Numb

Numb to the core.

Numb to the helpful words of friends I adore.

Silence

Cause words fail me and I can’t seem to describe it.

It.. This feeling.. Only word that comes to mind is numb and unfeeling.

No, I don’t want your kind words today.

The won’t fill.

Instead the words will drill me into guilt about what I feel like I should be doing but I’m not.

It’s not you, it’s me.

A bad break up line to justify the apocalypse I feel inside of me.

Gurgling emotion, a volcano surging to the top.

Every emotion pushed down, no point in screaming stop.

I say that I’m numb, but that just isn’t true.

The reality is i have a million and one words to say to you.

Million and two

Million and three

It won’t stop, so numb is what I say and that its just me.

But they’re just lies to keep my emotions at bay.

From being too much for someone to handle that day.

But this apocalypse in my mind , has me close to fucking war with everyone , even the ones that are suppose to mean more.

So.. What do I do ?

I cap the volcano with a raging sea, and let the sadness of words wash over me.

They won’t listen what’s the point ? No one actually cares about what you’re going through. Toughen up. You’re being overdramatic.

These voices in my head keep me at bay

Cause if not I’d have a million and one words to say.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

Totally screenshoted from LR but another perfect shoot with Eastly Photography!💖 View the rest of the photos here : https://lightroom.adobe.com/shares/4227eb8af8d84064a201095e1336f0b1

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

The Heaven Agency Pt.3

 I woke up.

Shaking from the cold that filled the room. Gagging from the the foul stench that drenched the air. It smelled like rotten eggs and hot sewage.

We didn’t win.

If we had won, John would’ve came running through this door and woken me up. 

If we had won, it would’ve smelled like vanilla and lavender. It would’ve been warm.

But we didn’t win. We didn’t win.

I sat there staring at the door for awhile. I didn’t what to do,  my legs had become numb, I couldn’t feel the coldness from the floor anymore. I stared at the door, as if it we’re going to rip my wings apart. I knew it wouldn’t but those Minions on the other side of the door could. Within seconds. They could. 

Angels don’t die, but to us, falling is the same thing as dying. You can come back, but it’s hard. It takes a lot of self forgiveness. That part, has nothing to do with God. 

I grabbed the blade that had fallen on the floor when I passed out, and stood up. My legs were weak, I fell as soon as I stood up. The metal clamored against the concrete floor, my heart dropped. Did they hear the noise ? I stayed on the floor as still as as statue. 

No sounds. No movements come from the other side. 

I tried to stand up again, holding onto the wall. I needed a plan.

I couldn’t just go running out there, wielding my tiny sword and declare war.

If I was careful I could head straight to Gods office.

I hope they made it out alive. Out of everyone, God was our only salvation. 

I made my slowly towards the door. I gripped the handle, pure fear plumped me like a truck. Shaking, I pushed the door open slightly, leaving a tiny crack that my eye could see out of. 

Everything was destroyed. 

The cubicles were in ruins, blood splattered the walls, feather stuck to it like glue. 

They must’ve ripped wings off some of the angels. 

I turned my gaze further down the hall to Gods office.

Blood glazed the door, decorated it with feathers. 

I closed the door quickly, and began to hyperventilate. 

No no no no. 

Please no. 

God is our only salvation. 

They couldn’t kill him, but they could lock him away for eternity.

God is love. Once love gets locked away, it’s harder to see. 

Harder to feel. 

It’s just.. harder. 

I can’t let that happen.

Still panicking, I opened the door back up, and peaked my head out. I looked up and down the hallway. It was clear. I began shakily tip toeing my way to Gods door, being careful not to touch anything. 

As I got closer to the door, I could see the blood still glistening. The blood was still fresh, and the feathers were a multicolored hue of reds and pinks. 

I grit my teeth together. 

I opened the door. 

Everything was normal, the books were on the shelves, the desk was properly made the way God liked it, with his snow globes of the worlds capitals in order, his chair was pushed in, his computer in the same place it’s always been.  They must’ve went peacefully.

Suddenly I remembered The Balance was in here with God.

Please let him be okay. Please God please. 

I walked around the other side of the room and saw a book on the floor. It was dark brown, with the tree of life decorated with ancient symbols around it which I didn’t understand.

I opened it and sat discretely behind the desk. 

A page had been marked. I flipped to it and found a small piece of paper that had the word TRANSLATOR at the top. This would help me translate the ancient words on the marked page. 

First I translated the title. 

A Spell To Kill A God. 

God was going to kill the Darkness ? 

That’s not possible. Gods don’t die. How could you kill something so powerful? What ingredients could you possibly use to kill an entity of such grand energy?

I began to translate further. 

No. I can’t do that.  No I wouldn’t. 

I would need : 

- My blood

- The blood of my most beloved 

- The crushed up bones of my beloved wings

- Boil it in blessed water until it runs white.

Then the God I choose must ingest it.

Who knows if John has fallen or not yet?  He was the only angel that I was.. I was in love with. What if they took his wings? Tears flooded my eyes, and I sobbed quietly, “ I can’t do this John. I can’t.” 

 He would tell me not to think like this. He would want me to do whatever it took. I wiped my tears and prayed to God he hadn’t fallen yet.

I ripped the page out of the book, stood up and left. I quickly made my way to the basement area. The floor was covered in a puddle of blood.

My body retracted, but I must push forward. I began making my way through the doorway to the basement, the lights were flickering. Blood dripped down the walls. As I made my way down the corridor I heard a soft moan.

I reached the steps before the landing. I looked at the wall before me and fell to my knees. 

John was there nailed to the wall by his wings, naked, like some psychotic christmas ornament. His face was pale, sweat was leaking from his face, his body shivered from shock, and coldness oozing from the basement. He was so frail, as if the life was sucked out of him.

He moaned again.

I whispered, “ John.”

His eyes opened lazily, “ Jen ?” 

I stood to my feet, then moved closer to him, “ Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.”

John smiled, “ We won.”

“ No, we didn’t but I have to get you down.”

He began to mumble to himself repeatedly “ We won, we won..”

I frantically looked for something to pick the nails out. I forgot I had the sword in my hand and decided to use that. I fluttered my wings a bit enough to reach the nails. When I got to the second nail he fell on me. My wings were strong enough to where we went down without a thud. 

John opened his eyes again, in a soft shaky voice said, “ Lo- look at the landing, they took their life Jen. I-I tried to protect them, bu-but they came too quick and I-” He moaned and touched his wing.

“ Don’t worry, I’ll go look.” 

I peaked around the corner at the landing, and there lay The Balance. 

Lifeless. The boy and his dogs. Pale, drained of color. 

Rage, I’ve never felt before in my life. 

I walked back up the stairs, picked up John, and began fiercely making my way down the hallway towards Gods office.

I was going to kill the Darkness.

I was going to kill the Minions.

I was going to watch the life leave their eyes. I was going to kill them all.

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

Totally screenshoted from LR but another perfect shoot with Eastly Photography!💖 View the rest of the photos here : https://lightroom.adobe.com/shares/4227eb8af8d84064a201095e1336f0b1

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

Totally screenshooted these but another amazing shoot w. Eastly Photography 💖

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

A Sea of Blazing Fire

She danced under the stars in the sky. 

The stars decorated the galaxy like a billion tiny fireflies.

She was naked, free, and unafraid.

She was safe.

An unstoppable force of nature created by the universe.

Surrounded by the love and shelter, that the tall trees provide.

The warmth of the fire that provided a protective light outshining the dark.

She didn’t see the wolves in the forest that hungered after her flesh.

She could feel their eyes, but she kept dancing.

The wolves started to pour from the forest.

 She stopped. 

She looked around her, and for the first time she was, unsafe. 

The light was supposed to protect her.

That’s what she thought. 

They began surrounding her, licking their yellow teeth with visible smiles on their faces. 

Her back was against the fire now, she could feel the scorching heat traveling up her skin. 

She looked down and took a a stick that wasn’t fully taken by the fire and put it to their faces, jabbing it at them. 

They slowly backed up, creating a path. 

She ran, and ran with the flame in front of her. 

She could hear them running behind and beside her, growling and hungry.

The only way she could survive, is by burning the place she loved most. 

So she held up the flame to every tree that she passed, and the fire behind her started to grow. 

You could hear the wolves cry out as some of them got caught.

As she reached the outer edge of the forest, she dropped the fire and pushed until she reached the top of the hill. 

The light has always protected her.

She fell to the ground and cried, as she watched as her home burn to the ground. 

A sea of blazing fire.

She wondered if she would ever dance again or find her home.

But she was an unstoppable force of nature created by the universe.

She stood up and smelling the brunt wood combined with the flesh of the wolves in the air.

She decided she would burn it down every time, and recreate it if she had to. She will do it every time until she won, because home was inside herself, but this is where she created it. 

And she’ll be damned if she let’s them win. 

[vividdreamerblg-blog]

The Kingdom of Ashes

The kingdom fell. 

I watched it burned all to ashes. 

And for once I felt warmth from you, as the blaze hit my face. 

I soaked in the warmth like it was the sun. 

I was never so happy to watch the kingdom fall before now. 

But I am. 

This fire fueled my core. 

This fire gave me life. 

You told me I couldn’t do it on my own. 

But the truth was you couldn’t reign without me. 

And the moment I left, the kingdom fell. 

I scoffed at notion that you tried to make me lesser than you, by trying to seep coldness in my bones. Making me fear life, when at one point that’s exactly what you wanted.

Life.

You became so comfortable in your cold , that you wanted to make me feel cold too. 

But I’m my soul is engulfed in flames of victory. 

And your kingdom is charring, burning from the anarchy you brought forth by trying to make me feel as dead, and as cold as you. 

Truth be told, I set it on fire.

Not so you can feel my warmth.

So that you can feel the fire that you started inside me, that moment you told me that I couldn’t do it own my on. 

I chuckled. 

Your kingdom’s burning sweetie. 

Do what your good at , put it out.