#just. lets be alienated from the group. Together!!!!

[wonderjanga]

Why’re You Friends With All These Psychopaths?!

Marvel is friends with a bunch of, well, to be quite honest, crazy, weird, or strange people.

Vicky Vale: “This just in, we have reports of Captain Marvel eating tacos with Man-Bat on the roof of Wayne Enterprises.”

Marvel and Man-Bat: *lowkey chilling*

Man-Bat: *getting a little jumpy every now and then when it hears more people coming*

Marvel: *patting it’s chrome dome to calm it down*

Later…

Batman: *appears out of nowhere* “Captain. What are you doing with, Langstrom?”

Marvel: “Langstrom? That’s his name?” *still patting Kirk’s head so he doesn’t fly off*

Batman: “Yes-” *does double take* “Are those blood bags?” *points to some nearby blood bags next to the two*

Marvel: “Huh? Oh yeah, they are.”

Batman: “…why do you have blood bags? More importantly, how did you get them?”

Marvel: “The vampires in Fawcett, just buy it from stores so I got some from there. And I brought it because I thought my friend here wouldn’t eat the tacos without it.”

*silence*

Batman: “Right… so let me just…” *walks over and injects Kirk with the serum*

Man-Bat: *changes back to his shriveled little old man form*

Marvel: “He’s a human?!”

After that, Bruce took Man-Bat back to the Asylum. Now, whenever Kirk would transform back into a bat he’d fly over to Fawcett so he could hang out with Marvel and every single time without fail, Bruce has to go over there and bring him back to Arkham.

or

Some Time When Jason was with the LoA…

Ra’s Al Ghul and Marvel: *sipping tea together*

Jason Todd: “Ra’s- Captain Marvel?”

Marvel: “Huh?” *stares for a solid second* “Robin #2?”

*silence*

Marvel: “It really is you! Come sit with us!” *pats the table and magics a chair and another teacup*

Jason Todd: *slowly walks over and sits down* “How do you both know each other?”

Marvel: “Well, I was investigating the Lazarus pits and we met each other. From there, we just clicked!”

Jason Todd: *looks to Talia*

Talia Al Ghul: *shrugs and pours Jason some tea before refilling her own cup*

Talia is just glad her father has someone to talk with that’s actually a decent human being and isn’t in the league.

or

Guy Gardner: *burst through saloon doors* “You’re all under arrest- Cap?!”

Marvel: *waving* “Hey, Guy!”

Alien Terrorist Group: *all see Cap wave so they think the Guy’s good* “Hey, Guy!” *also wave*

*silence*

Guy Gardner: “Cap, can we talk outside for a second?”

Marvel: “Sure!”

Outside…

Marvel: “So what’d you wanna talk about?”

Guy Gardner: “Dude…” *floats so he can put a hand on Marvel’s shoulder* “Why the FUCK ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH TERRORISTS??”

Marvel: *confused* “Terrorists? Who are the terrorists??”

Guy Gardner: “Wha- THOSE ASSHOLES!”*points to the alien saloon*

As for how Marvel befriended all of these people/creatures. It’s his overwhelming niceness.

[writinginkpen]

I've been thinking about the combaticons from mecha au a lot. This is my take on a closer look at what reactions might have been to finding out about Vortex's death.

warnings: discussion of death , mentions of blood, mentions of unethical experiments

(inspired by events of keferon's mecha au)

————————————————-

“Vortex is dead.”  The lab technician in front of Onslaught shifts from foot to foot as he says the words. 

“There was nothing we could do.”  He gestures vaguely in the direction of the cockpit of Vortex’s mech.

The mech is dark.  Empty.  Silent.  Stained red with so much blood Onslaught wonders whether it will ever come out.  He hopes it doesn’t.  Wonders if it will remind them in the future of what they’ve done here today.  Because maybe there was nothing anyone could do.  But of everyone Onslaught can see moving around the catwalk they clearly haven’t even tried – the techs’ lab coats are all a pristine white, unsullied and unstained.  There is not a medic in sight.

Mecha doesn’t hold funerals for pilots.  Too many die too often.  But even if they did.  Fuck.  Judging by the state of things, there’s nothing left of Vortex to even try and bury.

“I’m sorry,” the lab tech says.

He doesn’t sound sorry at all.  Or at least not sorry in the way one would be sorry about the loss of a human life – not grieving, not sad.  He looks more – disappointed, like a student that just found out they failed the project.  The thought makes Onslaught sick.  He clenches his fist, presses it close to his side in an effort to refrain from teaching the tech before him just what it would mean to be sorry.

Onslaught spins abruptly on his heel and marches back down the hall the way he came.  It doesn’t matter.  The tech is replaceable.  They all are.  Nothing would change.  Except that Onslaught might lose what little standing he’s managed to gain in mecha.  The standing that allows him command, that allowed him to negotiate into keeping their small group – the combaticons – together.

That had been the plan.  He stands between the others and mecha.  He coordinates their missions.  They bring in the results.  It was supposed to be enough – to let him watch over the others provide what little breathing room, what little safety he could.  It hadn’t been in the end.  Mecha had sent Vortex out alone.  Without telling him.  Had violated the unspoken terms of his command. 

They have lied – to Onslaught’s face – about Vortex, about the mission he was on.  Because this is no inevitable failing on Vortex’s part.  No getting caught unawares by the aliens.  Vortex is many things, but to lose focus – to lose himself during a fight as they implied?  No.  Vortex was the fight.  If he lost himself, it was because they – mecha – drove him to it.

There is nothing left of the body.  No way to prove it.  And if they can do everything else, who’s to say that mecha hasn’t engineered that too?  Ensured that even if there had been some evidence left of Vortex – that it is gone now.  Try to ensure that the truth of whatever happened has died with him.

And if they can do that to Vortex.  They can get to any of the others.  Onslaught will have failed them as he has failed Vortex.  That cannot happen.  That will not happen.  The combaticons have the reputation they have on the battlefield for a reason.  Mecha has just declared war.  Onslaught intends to respond in kind.

But first, the others have to be told.  There is no point hesitating at the door.  Putting off the inevitable will not make the words any easier.  Only once the words have been said can they be processed.  And only then will they be able to move forward and do something.

------------

“Vortex is dead.”

Brawl finds himself on his feet before his mind has fully registered the words coming from Onslaught’s mouth. 

Vortex.  Is dead. 

Vortex.  Dead. 

Tex….

It can’t be true.  Brawl refuses to believe it’s true.  Brawl peers around the side of where Onslaught is standing in the door, half expecting the little shit to pop out from behind Ons laughing at the looks on their faces.

Brawl doesn’t know whether he would crush him or hug him.  Probably both.  And Tex would bite him on the arm again.  Brawl subconsciously rubs the spot on his forearm in memory.

Only Vortex doesn’t appear.  Just Onslaught, still standing in the door, stone-faced and grim.

Vortex is dead.

Brawl can see it.  This is no joke.  Not that Ons would joke about something like that, really.  Tex maybe.  But…. But Brawl hadn’t wanted, had hoped….

The room suddenly feels too small.  Brawl feels too big, standing in the center of it.  At a loss.

He looks down at where his hand rests against his arm.  At the small indents – scars, only an impression of Vortex.  Brawl had hated how Vortex would bite.  But that’s all that remains of Vortex now – impressions. 

The thought makes Brawl want to rage -- want to make a mess of things.  Vortex would, if he were here, Brawl knows.  Tex would have screamed and swore.  And Brawl would have joined him.  Would have broken things.  They would have made a mess -- together.

Brawl wants to break something.  But the bunk bed is where Vortex slept.  The bookshelf has the books – books that Vortex got sticky more than once.  The space is too small.  There is too little.  And everywhere is Vortex.  And Vortex is nowhere.

Brawl turns back to his own bed in frustration, picks up the only pillow – a small lumpy, worthless thing, and slams it into the floor.  The pillow explodes in a shower of feathers.  Brawl thinks it is the most satisfying use he has ever gotten from that pillow.

--------------------------

Vortex is dead.

The thought spirals through Blast Offs’ mind like the feathers from Brawl’s pillow had spiraled through the air when it exploded.  Feathers that Blast Off has spent the past hours meticulously picking up from every corner of the room.

Any other time he would be angry.  He is angry.  At mecha.  Was angry at Brawl, for making such a mess.  But the mess was also a distraction.  The cleaning has kept him occupied.  Kept him focused on something other than that one singular thought – that Vortex is dead.

But he’s also found the remains of Vortex everywhere, suffusing the room just as much as the remains of Brawl’s outburst.  Old wrappers mixed with the feathers under their shared bunk.  A barely opened packet of cigarettes shoved next to the books on the bookcase. 

Blast Off had pocketed those.  He doesn’t know why.  Any more than he knows why he spent time meticulously picking the feathers out from around the wrappers so that they would remain undisturbed under the bunk.

What he does know is that he is exhausted by the time he is done.  Whatever grief, whatever rage he felt at Onslaught’s initial words has been tempered by time and work.  All that is left is the exhaustion.

By the time the day is done, all Blast Off wants is sleep.  For those words “Vortex is dead” to fade slowly into the darkness with all of his thoughts.  And Blast Off knows it’s a petty thought, but at least there will be no screams through the night or rain of debris and cigarette ash.  Maybe he will actually be able to sleep.

Only the darkness closes in and sleep doesn’t come.  The room is too quiet.  Too still.  Swindle’s presence may as well be unnoticeable.  Brawl snores softly from his bed.  And Blast Off lies awake.  Eyes open – staring up at the bunk above him.  Searching for the familiar presence.  Waiting for the noise, the chaos – the comfort of a familiar routine that doesn’t come to pass.

There is no other distraction from his thoughts now.  No work to retreat into.  Only the darkness and the silence – worse than any screams or any nightmare.  Blast Off feels his eyelids droop, feels himself drift.  He is tired, so tired.  Of all of it.  Mecha.  Piloting.  The violence.  The deaths.  The screams echo in his mind.

Vortex is dead.

Blast Off had not seen the body.  Does not know how exactly it happened.  But his mind has no lack of information to speculate on.  Possibilities flash through his dreams – each more horrible than the last.  The screams echoing in his mind slowly taking on the sound of Vortex’s voice.

Blast Off’s eyes fly open.  The room is silent.  No Vortex.  No screams.  Nothing from the bunk above his.

Vortex is gone. 

Vortex is dead.

Blast Off searches in vain for some evidence of Vortex’s presence in the bunk above.  Something to stop the thoughts spiraling around his mind.  He takes a deep breath.  And nearly chokes on the scent of the cigarette smoke lingering in the air. 

Vortex.

Blast Off’s hand fumbles in the dark, reaching first for the pack of cigarettes he pocketed earlier in the day and then for a lighter.  He feels the tightness in his throat ease, even as the smoke burns.

-----------------------

Vortex is dead.

Dead and gone and not coming back.

Swindle glances up at the bunk as he passes, at Blast Off lying underneath.  He isn’t even sure it matters whether he’s quiet.  Because the top bunk is empty – no one there to disturb anymore.  Because although Offy’s eyes are open, they are fixed in such concentration on the bottom of the bunk above him that Swindle suspects Off is blind to just about everything else in the room at the moment.

The light is still on in Ons room.  Onslaught is hunched over a table, scribbling notes.  He looks up as Swindle passes the doorway, their eyes meeting briefly.  Ons should stop him.  They aren’t meant to be out this late at night.  And if Swindle gets caught, if anyone found out Ons knows what he does, it will only mean more trouble.  But Swindle never gets caught.  And Ons just nods as he passes.

Swindle needs to get away.  Away from the pilots’ quarters.  Away from the mechs.  Away from the labs.  Away from anything to do with mecha.  Away from the reminders of what’s been done to them all.  Away from the reminder of what’s been done to Tex.  Because Swindle has no doubts that Vortex is only dead because of mecha.

Swindle knows he should be more cautious going through the halls.  Should perhaps even feel afraid, knowing what mecha can and will and has done.  He isn’t.  Or rather he is.  But not in the sense that he wants to run.  Mecha has them all cornered anyways.  Swindle isn’t sure there would be anywhere to run to even if he tried.  And he isn’t willing to bet his life on that uncertainty.  So he’s afraid, yes, but he’s determined to fight – in whatever scheme it may be that Onslaught’s crafting.  In whatever way he can to undermine the system that thinks it can control them. 

Make that Vortex’s legacy.  Swindle can’t undo what’s been done.  But maybe he can spit in mecha’s eye – metaphorically at least -- on Vortex’s behalf.  Though…. Swindle glances through one of the lab windows on his way out of the building.  Thinks of Vortex – how many times he meddled, tampered with samples, even literally spitting in them to keep Swindle and the others off those same lab tables. 

Swindle thinks about it.  And moves on.  Not worth the risk.  Not tonight.  Tonight is for him to do what he needs to do for himself – to grieve, to remember, to forget.  So that when he rejoins Onslaught and the others in the morning his mind will be clear.

And what Swindle needs right now is to just be.  Not a pilot.  Not a mecha employee.  Not a scammer or a schemer.  Just Swindle.  There’s only ever been one place -- one person -- where he can be just himself.  Swindle looks for the brightest light on the city skyline and heads for it.

----------------------

Vortex is dead.

He’s known it, from the moment he walked out of the lab that morning.  Had known, when the call came to take his mech out, alone, that he wouldn’t be coming back.  Had known that if he came back, they’d think they succeeded.  And they’d do what they did to him to the others, if they thought it would keep them in line.

Vortex wouldn’t be kept in line.  Wouldn’t give in or go down without a fight.  He was glad at least, that they’d sent him out alone.  That the others wouldn’t be there to witness.  Or to try and interfere.  Because it had been a fight, down to his last moments – pouring more and more of himself into his mech systems to escape the failing body mecha had tried to control.

Vortex had expected to die.  That that would be the price to finally be free of their experiments – of their control.

And so when he first becomes aware of the dim red glow in the dark, he tells himself that he must be dead.

Vortex is not dead.

That much becomes clear as the red glow flickers and brightens, resolves before him into the powered up visor of his mech.  He can sense the consoles, the wiring, every joint and screw.

Vague outlines of movement resolve into a sense of figures – technicians – poking through the mech’s – his – consoles. 

Vortex concentrates harder.  Power surges along wiring into one of the consoles.  Sparks fly outwards towards the technicians.  He narrows his focus further and one of the cables twitches bumping against a leg.

The technicians jump and run.

Vortex is not dead.  But he is not alive.

Vortex is the mech.  The mech is Vortex.

Vortex could laugh, if he had a mouth still.  Instead, he contents himself with sending another, larger shower of sparks hissing through broken cables to shoot outwards from the visor.  He takes in the fear on each of the techs’ faces, the way the red light of him is reflected in the depths of their eyes.  Vortex relishes how, as more of his systems come online – as he comes back to full consciousness, he can track their movements – down to the fluctuations of their breathing, the racing of their pulses. 

They tried to destroy him.  Tried to control him.  Made his life a living hell.  Only they failed.  And in so doing, have made him into something he now realizes they’ve always feared he could be – a weapon that could turn against them.  Because they have always known, as Vortex himself knows, that that’s what he is --  a weapon, built to fight. 

And he will.  He will give them hell for what they’ve done.  And by the time he’s finished, he hopes that red glow will haunt them the same way their white coats have haunted him.  He will never let anyone control him again.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

I know its a rarepair but its impossible to ignore the sheer power of the autism allegory in gokiibo

[alchemiclee]

I used to always hide what I like and dislike. never share my opinions. try to align myself with other people to make them happy. try to like what they like or pretend to. but I decided to stop doing that at some point because it was exhausting. it did work for a while. it made people happy and like me more for s short time. but never lasted. especially since I can't keel.up the charade forever. so was kind of pointless in the end....

but then sometimes i remember why I did it. so many times that I don't do it it leads to bad interactions that really affect me negatively. sometimes when I state my opinion or likes/dislikes and it contrasts with someone else, it makes them lash out at me????? they act like i'm trying to personally attack them??? even if i'm not saying it directly to them or it has nothing to do with them?? they get so offended or upset and start lecturing me or getting really angry in my replies or dms. and i'm internally like. can you shut up and leave me alone lmao. but of course I hate conflict and stuff so I go back into "pleasing" mode and try to "explain" and find an explanation that calms them the fuck down because I don't want to deal with their offended asses. they cant accept that I have my own options and preferences and it isnt meant to offend them. and sometimes they'll even try to twist my words to mean something bad in general so they can justify their offense and it makes no sense to me. ugh. leave me alone 😭

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[seung-mong]

seung-mong's kinktober 2024!

gulp~ they're right behind me arent they? well... more like on top!

☆BANGCHAN☆

whats your favorite scary movie? - after a mysterious call in the middle of the night threatens to ruin horror movie night with your friends, you cant help shake the feeling that someone's watching your every move. at this point you dont know what's worse: a creepy stalker managing to sneak his way into the house, or how awkward and fidgety chan's been all evening!

includes: ghostface!bangchan x fem!reader, stalking, choking, slight knife play, blood kink, +more!

☆LEEKNOW☆

and so the lion fell in love with the lamb - after moving to romania against your parents' wishes to live a peaceful life with your dying grandfather, your dreams are plagued with visions of pale, almost shimmering skin, droplets of crimson red blood with the taste of the sweetest wine, and sharp fangs that make you sweat in your sleep. your grandfather can only urge you to pray, despite the growing dread in the pit of his stomach at the sight of the bruises that linger on your skin. not to mention the puncture wounds right by the side of your neck!

includes: vampire!leeknow x inexperienced fem!reader, stalking, religious themes, marking, +more!

☆CHANGBIN☆

not all monsters do monstrous things - changbin's been acting different lately, and you're hesitant to talk to him about it. after the accident that left him bloodied and bruised, the last thing you want to do is bring up how he's become so distant lately, passing up on opportunities to hang out, refusing your physical affection, ditching you for the new group of friends that seemed to appear out of thin air. but when he stands you up on your birthday dinner on Halloween, you know he's crossed the line!

includes: werewolf!changbin x fem!reader, childhood best friends trope, depictions of gore and violence, size kink, manhandling, strength kink, + more!

☆HYUNJIN☆

its amazing, the love inside, you take it with you - finally, a space of your own! a safe space for you to practice your spells without accidentally setting your mom's heirlooms on fire. a safe space for you to brew your potions without your mom complaining about the smell and how you're doing it wrong (you've figured). a safe space for you to chat with your cat companion, milo, without your mother rolling her eyes. a safe space... with an awkward, clumsy, GOSSIP of a soul with unfinished business!

includes: ghost!hyunjin x witch fem!reader, voyeurism, pervy hyunjin, subby hyunjin, femdom raahhh, overstimulation, dacryphila, +more!

☆HAN☆

you could be happy here, i could take care of you. i wouldn't let anybody hurt you. we could grow up together! - han thinks hes seeing things. he usually enjoys camping by himself, but when a bright light and a high pitched noise makes his head throb and his nose bleed, he genuinely thinks he could die. now he REALLY thinks hes seeing things because.. is that someone falling from the sky? after deciding to sleep on it, he meets you. and uh, oh yea. he's definitely seeing things!

includes: loser nerd!han x alien fem!reader, subby hanji, han jisung is a SIMP LOSER, bondage, use of some kind of aphrodisiac, choking, +more!

☆FELIX☆

absence makes the heart grow fonder…or forgetful - never being one to believe in fairytales, you were the only one in your village brave enough to explore the thick woods across the train tracks just south of your home. finally, a place where you can think in silence, with no one to disrupt your writing. when the creatures of the forest begin to make themselves known to you, you ignore all the signs telling you to run. especially when the so-called evil trickster fairy is the most beautiful boy you've seen in your life!

includes: faery!felix x fem!reader, kinda inexperienced felix, lowkey corruption kink (litrally if u squint), felix has wings (that r sensitive), overstim, +more!

☆SEUNGMIN☆

this is true love- do you think this happens everyday? - seungmin is too young for this, he thinks. the youngest prince to take the crown in centuries, and the war between his kingdom and the kingdom of the forest is intensifying. his people are going missing, and he has no idea what to do. it does not help that the king of the forest scares him shitless. he turns to you for help, the last witch of your line- you can thank his family for that!

includes: prince!seungmin x witch fem!reader, kinda enemies to lovers (the trope belongs to him i fear), hatefucking, biting, bondage, +more!

☆JEONGIN☆

we all go a little mad sometimes. haven't you? - you really should have filled up your gas tank. your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and the storm outside only further dampens your spirits. its dark and empty for miles, besides the little light that flickers on the side of the road. you brave the journey on foot, shivering, and soaking wet. your heart drops when you see the shelter, old and run down. thank god the young gentleman inside is kind enough to offer you a bed for the night!

includes: serial killer!jeongin x fem!reader, primal play, fear play, choking, knife play, jeongin is really rouch, +more!

☆INTERLUDES☆

got a horror concept for a fic? dont be shy and request! (submissions open until september 20)

wanna get tagged? (specify the kinktober special!)

[autonomousroboticorganism]

they get jealous (TF Prime)

featuring - Optimus Prime x F!Reader, Bumblebee x F!Reader, Knock Out x F!Reader, Smokescreen x F!Reader, Wheeljack x F!Reader, Soundwave x F!Reader, Shockwave x F!Reader

summary - the bots have trouble witnessing you interact with/stare at another bot/human, and you think it's cute/funny

warnings - none

*(R/M/N) - random male name

OPTIMUS PRIME

Optimus is far from a jealous guy. He trusts you with every fibre of his being, and he does not and will never doubt you because his faith in you is that strong. He knows how dedicated and committed you are to him, so he never has to worry about that. It's just that sometimes he is unsure of himself because he is big, alien and unaccustomed to human tradition.

When Fowler brings in a human soldier to assist with missions that require human intervention, Optimus is initially agreeable to the idea. There has been a need for someone to run interference for the bots when Fowler wasn't available, which was evident a few times during the course of the last few months.

"This is Private (R/M/N)," Fowler introduced him when everyone, imcluding you and the other humans, were gathered all together. "The department has decided that a younger and more...active," he said the word disdainfully, "human recruit was needed."

Miko let out a giggle, earning Fowler's glare, and you had to try your hardest to keep from grinning. It was kind of funny.

"Private, this is Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots," Fowler went on to gesture at your lover. "I trust that you will work well together." And with that, the older man left.

(R/M/N) and Optimus spoke for a moment, before the human soldier turned his attention towards you and Jack, Raf and Miko. He looked relieved at the sight of other humans, and made his way over to join your group.

"Hi," he smiled sheepishly, "Is it as every bit daunting as I think it is spending so much time around these titans?"

"You get used to it," Miko grinned. "So, how many battles have you been in?"

"Miko!" You and Jack scolded simultaneously.

"No, it's okay," (R/M/N) chuckled, "I don't think I've seen as much war as Optimus, but I've been on a few rough assignments in rough places." He then launched into an explanation.

While the soldier spoke, Optimus walked over to listen. But he was quickly distracted when (R/M/N) began to only look at you, and began exaggerating his heroics in a blatant attempt to impress you. No one noticed except for Jack and Optimus, who exchanged looks.

"Excuse me, Private, (R/M/N)," the Prime finally decided to cut in when he'd had enough of the soldier's flirtatious looks and subtle flirting, "May I borrow my partner, (Name), for a moment?"

"Oh, you guys are dating?" He sounded disappointed. "Sure."

You were happy to go off with Optimus, as always. You had no idea he was feeling a little jealous, until you noticed that he wasn't talking about anything as you guys walked away.

"Optimus," you called for his attention, smirking, "Are you perhaps...a little jealous, of the new guy?"

"I do not know what you mean," he pretended to be clueless.

"Uh huh...So what did you need me for?"

"I needed you for...cuddling," he ended up saying, the word still sounding foreign in his voice. Which only gave him away further.

You laughed, "That's cute. You don't have to be jealous of that guy, babe. You're way more impressive, and I think we've established that my type is a certain big, strong and handsome Prime. There's nothing for you to worry about at all."

He seemed to relax after you said this, a smile forming on his lips, "That is good to hear. Thank you, (Name)."

"Anything for you."

BUMBLEBEE

Bumblebee trusts you with his entire spark. But his jealousy often stems from the fact that he's an alien robot who is so much bigger than you and thus harder for you to love, and that he can't speak to you like a normal person/Cybertronian. You, of course, understand him and constantly reassure him that you love him regardless of his inability to speak, and regardless of how big or alien he is. He's your Bumblebee, and you do everything you can to remind him of that.

But when Fowler introduces a new recruit, a human soldier to run interference when he's unavailable, Bumblebee starts to get uneasy just knowing that there's a human male your age (Jack too, but Bumblebee trusts Jack) around the base.

"Huh, maybe this won't be so bad after all," (R/M/N) commented after his eyes settled on you, and he started to approach.

Bumblebee's jealousy is ignited in that moment, and fueled by his inability to tell the soldier off for that remark. He crossed his large arms and became a pouty, cross scout, watching you talk to the soldier.

"They're fun to be around," you were telling him. "It's sometimes frightening, but these are the good ones. They're like family now."

"It must be hard having to keep this secret to yourself," he moved closer, sympathetic. "I'm open to being a confidant if you ever need one."

Bumblebee started complaining and whining to Smokescreen, the closest bot to him. He was asking your guardian to tell the soldier off for him, because his flirting was setting Bee off. Smokescreen found this amusing, much to Bee's chagrin.

But you noticed your scout was distressed, and excused yourself to go and approach him, "Bee, sweetheart, are you alright?"

He crossed his arms and pretended to be nonchalant, but when he said 'what do I care if you're making another male friend', you started laughing as you realised what was wrong.

"Bumblebee, are you jealous?"

He beeped and whirred defensively, claiming that he wasn't jealous and he was completely fine and nothing was wrong. All of this made you laugh even harder, and he whined in complaint.

"I'm sorry baby," you giggled, "I just think it's so funny and so cute how you're jealous of someone who I wouldn't even look twice at. Seriously, he's nothing compared to you, my one and only." You started scaling his leg. "You are the only one I have my eyes on Bee, and I won't talk to him any more than I have to because I have my incredibly wonderful boyfriend to spend all my time with. I enjoy our conversations more, even if you're unable to talk, okay? I always have, and I always will."

He felt better after you said that, and scooped you up when you had just reached his waist. He held you in his servo for a moment before nuzzling your smaller form against his face, making you giggle and wrap your arms around his helm.

"My sweet Bumblebee," you kept telling him, praising him and flustering him until he'd forgotten what he was jealous about.

KNOCK OUT

Unsurprisingly, Knock Out never had any fears about you leaving him for someone better, because he considered himself the best. The best looking, the best lover, the best physician, etc. That and he felt secure in your relationship, he knew you wouldn't want to leave him even if you could. You were just as obsessed with him as he was with you. His pretty little human girlfriend.

Unfortunately, he did not consider that you might be in awe of one of the Autobots.

He had taken you out of the warship to let you get some fresh air, as he did so every week. Being stuck on the Nemesis wasn't good for a human, that much he knew, and you needed to get more human food anyway.

He didn't expect it to turn into a high speed chase with the Autobots.

"Is that Bumblebee?" You suddenly asked, looking out the window at a black-and-yellow vehicle speeding up beside Knock Out. "That's such a cool car!"

Knock Out let out a growl, before ramming the Autobot a little harder than necessary. The scout spun off the road, and you laughed.

"Jealous much?"

"I am not jealous!" He protested, "I always do that to the Autobots."

"Right..."

You continued to watch the yellow Autobot pursue your boyfriend, amazed at how quick and agile the scout was. He was skilled for a mere scout, and you wondered why he hasn't been promoted.

"Stop admiring Bumblebee!" Knock Out hissed, jealousy clear as daylight in his voice.

"I'm not!"

"I can see you staring!"

"Okay, okay, sorry," you laughed, finding his reaction cute. "But you know you're much better than he is, right? I don't have to tell you that."

He called for an emergency groundbridge, and sped into it the moment it opened. He liked to taunt the Autobots, but he didn't want to risk it with you inside. His first priority was to get you to safety so they wouldn't take you away from him, and apparently ignore you like a little child because of what happened.

"Knock Out, babe," you laughed, "Why are you pouting?"

"I'm not pouting!"

You raised an eyebrow, "You finally speak to me."

"Sorry, I thought you wanted to talk to Bumblebee," he responded dryly.

"So you were jealous!" You smirked, then tried to get closer to him. "You don't have to be, you know. He's cool but nowhere near as cool as you. I mean you're sleek, shiny and you've got the best paintjob I've ever seen." In times like this, buttering him up usually worked. "You're the most attractive Cybertronian I have ever seen, and I love watching you fight because of the way you move. You have a certain elegance to your movements, which I think is really impressive."

He side-eyed (optic-ed?) you for a moment, before giving in, "Fine. Come here."

You grinned and rushed to his open servo.

SMOKESCREEN

Smokescreen gets jealous a little too easily. He's not an insecure bot, but he does worry that since he isn't from here and he's not like you, maybe one day you'd get tired of not being able to do everything human couples can and you'd leave him for a human. He trusts you, but sometimes he's reminded that you're both very different and it hits him hard. Fortunately, you do everything to ensure him that you are not going to leave him and that you actually prefer him over any human boy.

However, his jealousy returns when Agent Fowler brings another human to the base. This one is a soldier, a young one just a little older than you, but not by much. Fowler said it was because the soldier could help when he was unavailable, but Smokescreen was not impressed.

"Do you ever get used to having giants walk around you?" (R/M/N) asked you when the introductions had ended.

"Eventually," you answered. "They're careful where they walk, in case you're worried about about that."

Because you and the soldier were similar ages, you could talk about a few things you couldn't with your younger human friends. So when you spent an inordinate amount of time talking to him, you didn't see anything wrong with that. But Smokescreen, the clingy bot he was, wanted your attention now. And it was annoying him that you were still talking to (R/M/N).

"Hey, sorry to interrupt but I just need (Name) for a moment," the young bot cut in, scooping you up without waiting for a response from you or (R/M/N).

You laughed, noticing the irritated look on his usually cheerful face, "I didn't think it was possible for you to get jealous, you're so happy and optimistic all the time. What's got you so worried, hmm?"

"Nothing," he grumbled, not meeting your eyes. "I'm fine."

You found it cute how he thought he could lie to you, "You don't have to worry about (R/M/N), you know. I don't plan on being with anyone but you. You're the coolest guy I know, and I don't think I could feel this way about anyone else. Now stop pouting, you big baby. I'm all yours."

He mumbled something unintelligible but gave in, letting you kiss his cheek. Instantly his worries melted away and he was smiling again, that bright smile you loved so much.

"Do you really mean that?" He asked, still a little nervous.

"I really mean it, Smokescreen," you assured him, "I promise. You are my one and only and no human guy is going to change that."

"Oh so I should be worried about Cybertronian guys, then?"

"I never said that!" When he started laughing, you grumbled, "I think I liked it better when you were jealous." And he just laughed even more at that.

WHEELJACK

Wheeljack doesn't get jealous a lot, if not ever. He feels secure enough in your relationship to trust that you won't leave him for any human guy, and he's not worried about the Autobot mechs. Much less the Decepticon ones. He just sometimes doesn't like how someone talks to you, or he'll get annoyed when you spend so much time talking to someone else and not enough time with him. Because yes, sometimes he just wants you and when you're occupied he tends to sulk. Everyone knows when, because he's a lot moodier than usual.

Like now, for example. Agent Fowler had brought in another human to help the team, in case he was ever unavailable. To make matters worse, it was a human male soldier that had tons of stories to tell, which piqued yours and Miko's interest.

Wheeljack had just finished a mission with Bulkhead and Ultra Magnus - much to his chagrin, he had been forced to go with Optimus's second-in-command. When he returned with those two, he noticed you and Miko sitting with the new guy and listening to yet another one of his stories.

"...but he timed the explosive wrong, so we were thrown a few feet into the air while trying to get out of the house. His eyebrow was scorched off, but he laughed the whole situation off like it was nothing."

Miko said something bizarre about eyebrows, while you managed a small laugh. You hadn't seemed to notice that the Wreckers were back, and it only added to Wheeljack's irritation.

"His stories better than mine, sweetheart?" The bot walked over, and didn't even try to hide the annoyance in his tone.

"Huh?" You were confused, but then shook your head, "No, of course not. He was just telling us about one of his closest encounters."

"You call that a close encounter?" Wheeljack scoffed, then looked at Bulkhead, "If only he knew."

You raised an eyebrow, starting to suspect. Wheeljack never boasted about his own adventures unless he was trying to make a point or he was feeling cooped up and wanted to convince someone to let him go track a con to beat up.

"Yeah, you must have some crazy stories," (R/M/N) agreed.

You laughed and stood up, going over to the Wrecker who was narrowing his optics at the human soldier, "Something the matter? Is the big, strong Wrecker intimidated by a human?"

"Intimidated?" He growled, "I'm not intimidated."

"Then what is it?"

"What's what?"

"Wheeljack."

He sighed, holding his servo out to you to get onto, "I just don't like that he's taking up your time with his boring stories."

You laughed again, "Boring? Oh, you are jealous."

He looked at you sceptically, and you laughed once more as he spoke, "Jealous of a small human who hasn't even seen half the things I have? Not a chance."

"Okay, tough guy. But you don't have to be upset, I like listening to your stories more. They're way more exciting," you kissed his faceplate.

"That's right. Don't you forget it."

SOUNDWAVE

Soundwave doesn't express emotions around anyone but you. And even then, he uses the screen on his visor to communicate. However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel. He doesn't feel as strongly as others, but he still feels. But he doesn't show it in the way others do. Unfortunately, since you came under his care he found himself doing a lot of things unexpected of him.

You liked to talk. You spoke enough for both you and the silent Decepticon, and he listened intently. When you spoke to him, he gave you all his attention knowing he can't talk back. And some very small part of him thinks that it troubles you that he doesn't talk to you.

He's not at all disappointed or upset when you make a friend in Knock Out, who loves to talk about himself to you. Soundwave is content that you have someone to have animated discussions with while he's busy, but eventually it gets to a point where you hang out more with Knock Out than you do with him.

Like today, he finished a task for Megatron and walked to his berthroom, expecting to find you reading and waiting for him like you usually did. However, you weren't there, so he proceeded to check Knock Out's lab. And you were there, lying asleep against one of Knock Out's tools, though Soundwave noted it wasn't a dangerous one.

"Ah Soundwave, I was just about to call you," the mad doctor approached. "She fell asleep a little while ago."

The silent Decepticon nodded and picked you up gently, holding you in a manner that didn't disturb your nap. Without another word to Knock Out, he left with you and took you back to his berthroom. You woke up on his berth, and looked around in confusion.

"Soundwave?" You called, noticing he was for once not looking at you. And he was obviously aware you were awake. "What's wrong?"

He typed something out on his screen: you fell asleep in the lab so I brought you here.

"I'm sorry," you apologised, feeling guilty though you didn't know why. "I just lost track of time. And I didn't want to disrupt your work, I know you're handling something important for Megatron."

He shook his head, then typed out: I can do both. You do not disturb me. I also like to see you at any given moment.

You smiled at that, "I'll keep that in mind next time."

He responded with another message saying that he's going to try and finish earlier so he can spend a little time with you before you sleep. He would never admit it, but he was jealous of how often you got to see others because he was always working. Maybe he needed to change that.

SHOCKWAVE

Like Soundwave, Shockwave is often busy because Megatron entrusts him with so many important projects and tasks. He barely has time some days to spend with you, as you're usually asleep when he's finally done. He is content with holding your sleeping form, but he would rather you be awake to tell him about your day.

So when you make another friend aboard the ship, Shockwave doesn't think much of it at first but soon realises that his busy schedule is pushing you towards someone else, even if it's not purposely.

You suddenly ran into the lab giggling and laughing as you looked over your shoulder. Laserbeak followed seconds later, the little metal bird entertaining you while Shockwave worked. He had to admit, he didn't think Soundwave would have been the best option for a friend for you, but he was the least hostile. You were probably safer with him than any others.

That thought made Shockwave stop for a moment, an ugly feeling filling him. He was by no means insecure, but he knew he could be too engrossed in his work, and he knew he was physically imposing. He'd scared you the first time you'd met, and he often wondered how safe you felt around him.

"Soundwave's surveillance drone seems to like you," the scientist noted as he continued his work, glancing at you once to make sure he knew where you were.

"Oh, yeah!" You beamed. "Soundwave added a new feature that allows Laserbeak to actually interact with me!"

You sounded so excited that Shockwave turned to look at you, seeing how much fun you were having. He didn't have anything that could elicit such laughter from you, and a small part of him was tempted to shoot Laserbeak.

"If you would like, I can create something even better for you," he suggested, "You could help me design it." Maybe that was also an excuse to have you around him more often.

Your eyes lit up at the idea, and you sent Laserbeak back to Soundwave as you climbed onto Shockwave's table, "That sounds fun! What do we start with?"

Shockwave was so good at hiding his emotions, you didn't even know he had been jealous. But your eagerness to help him and spend time with him above everyone else is what put him at ease, knowing he wouldn't be so easily replaced because you were so attached to him.

[caxycreations]

Okay, I've been nerd sniped, I'm sorry

NOTE: If you're going to reblog just to say "not reading that" or some other rude shit, DON'T. I've seen so many notifications of people just saying they couldn't be bothered to read it. I don't know if it's just that they don't see how incredibly rude and disheartening that is or if they know and don't care, but either way it really hurts to see, so please don't reblog if it's just to tell me you won't read it.

So let's go through the canonical likelihood they could each beat Goku. For the sake of keeping canon, we'll keep groups/pairs together if they would never reasonably be apart for something like this. Long post below the cut.

So first up are the ones I see that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Saiki K

Saiki is an omnipotent psychic/psionic with quite literally every single possible power out there. Now, this on its own isn't enough to beat Goku. Versatility doesn't mean everything, but Saiki is also powerful enough to rewrite the genetics and reality of everything within range, and his range is, so far, "Earth".

So this, on its own, would allow him to rewrite Goku's biology to make him Human. Bye bye zenkai boosts, bye bye Saiyan transformations. And Saiki, with his powers, has no trouble beating a Human of any caliber if he truly wanted to. And for those who ask "Why would he ever fight Goku?"

One simple reason: Goku would sense his immense power, and be excited for a fight. Goku is respectful enough to not force one if he's refused, but he's persistent enough to badger Saiki until he's given a chance. And Saiki, being Saiki, would simply take off one of his limiters, or both, and rewrite reality as such: "Being an alien isn't possible", thereby making it effective immediately that Goku must be lying/insane, and he is, in fact, Human. Easy win for Saiki.

And for those who would argue against this, bear in mind, the funniest way to beat Goku in this instance would be to simply make him weaker than Saiki, and Saiki is a gag character from a gag series, and it's already been shown in the world of Dragon Ball, and again in Dragon Ball Super, that Goku is incapable of defeating a gag character regardless of that characters canonical ability.

Saiki could win without gag character status, but even in the instance of Goku "beating" him, the gag would turn out to be that Saiki only pretended to get beaten, and is actually entirely unharmed because it was the easiest way to get Goku to leave him alone. Followed by a reveal that Goku will still show up now and then to ask for sparring matches, to drive the point home.

Popeye

Gag character. Would get beaten handily, crawl his way to spinach, and then be exactly as strong as he needs to be to take Goku down in however many hits is funniest.

Bugs Bunny

The gag character to end all gag characters. Someone on this hellsite once described Bugs as a "Trickster God who traps us in our own societal expectations" or some such. Like convincing Thanos to remove the Infinity Gauntlet by establishing a security checkpoint with a metal detector and shaming him into cooperating by telling him there's others waiting.

He could beat Goku in a billion ways, and each and every one of them would involve some shenanigan like Goku throwing a spirit bomb, Bugs showing up behind him holding it, saying "Ehhh, can you hold this for a second?" and as soon as Goku takes it and Bugs is off-screen, it would explode and Goku would be a pile of ashes with blinking eyes. Bugs would win because Bugs' gag is that...well, he simply can't be beaten.

The Warner Trio

Gag trio. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot would snark, sass, and sarcastic-joke their way into the scene, and they would spend the entire time poking fun at him, roasting his look, being unfazed by his attacks because "Nice laser show but we didn't bring our glowsticks." and just being too unbothered to care.

They would undoubtedly annoy Goku into admitting defeat simply to get away from them.

Road Runner

Gag character. Would force Goku to chase him, Goku would fire some blasts, chase him around, and inevitably be led right into the path of a blast he fired earlier to be disintegrated by it.

Pop Team Epic

I know nothing about this series except that it is a gag series. They are gag characters. That means Goku is inherently incapable of beating them.

ASDF Guy

Gag character. Could beat Goku with a simple "Hello, Mine-Turtle!" or "I like Trains."

Heart Diagram

Goku was literally killed by a heart virus in Future Trunks' timeline. This is one that has actually canonically already killed Goku.

Chowder

Gag character. Would likely be after S-Cells for some recipe and need to take Goku's as he's "The only Saiyan in this episode!" or some such, thereby ending the fight with a shot of Chowder wearing Goku's Gi for comedic effect while Dahl stirs raw Super Saiyan aura in a pot to hint that Chowder killed Goku for his S-Cells.

Force Ghost Trio

Gag versions of serious characters, and also ghosts. Goku is canonically unable to beat ghosts or gag characters, and these guys are both.

Those are the ones that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Now, let's go over the ones that could, potentially, be it likely or unlikely.

Kirby

Kirby is often considered a gag character, but he isn't. He has a very specific level of power, even if that level of power is "fuck you" levels of power. Kirby has beaten Gods, but so has Goku, even more often and with greater ease. However, Kirby has absorption and power-theft. Kirby could, potentially, absorb Goku (he isn't the brightest and Kirby has his unassuming appearance on his side) and take on his strongest form, including its powerup, and given Kirby in base form is likely more powerful than Goku in base form (Goku needed SSJ to scare Supreme Kai, Kirby beats Gods in base), it's possible Kirby would be more powerful than Goku with the same power up.

Kevin McCallister

Okay, hear me out.

Kevin is technically a gag character, BUT. He is not TRULY a gag character. He just happens to be a comedy character.

So he isn't guaranteed to win, but he could still possibly do so. How you ask?

Goku has been somewhat injured or lightly shaken by the following: planet-shattering attacks. Punches that rock the universe. Energy blasts so potent they would destroy entire galaxies.

Goku has been rendered inconsolable from the pain of the following: chest pain and a half-heartedly, boredly tossed pebble.

It is canon that when Goku and the other fighters in the series are expecting an attack or primed for battle, they are protected by their ki, like armor. It's how they're able to knock away attacks that would destroy planets, or put their "bare" hands on plasma energy that would normally burn the skin off you from a mile away let alone touching it.

This is why when Krillin threw the rock at Goku, it left him in agony and bruised him despite Goku being in Super Saiyan form at the time. This is why Chi-Chi is able to injure Goku regardless of how strong he gets.

So, how does this relate to Kevin being able to beat him? It's everything. It's critical information.

Kevin McCallister's entire M.O. is unexpected attacks. You open a door, you see a bucket fall, think it's over, turns out no, second bucket pulled by the first, second bucket is full of paint and open, you're blinded, you get your bearings, you take a step and feel cars, you smirk and step over them only to find marbles, you slip, you land on the cars which turn out to have been rigged to break easier to let loose a single thumbtack which is now firmly stuck in your back or butt. You bolt upright only to slam your head on a 2x4 that was rigged to hang down from a rope when you fell because your impact shook things enough to make it fall from a precarious perch above.

You get the idea. Every time you think it's safe to let your guard down, that's when the next wave hits. So you say "well he would stop letting his guard down" right? You fool. You know nothing of Goku. He would never put his guard UP. This is a human child, Goku can sense his pitiful power level. His strength? His speed? His ki? Weak. Pathetic. Nothing. A scouter wouldn't even register his power it's so low.

Goku never raises his guard to Chi-Chi, or to Bulma, or to Hercule. He does not raise his defense against normal, powerless, non-combative humans.

"BUT KEVIN IS COMBATIVE" No. He isn't. Goku can sense intent, power, and location. But Kevin isn't actively intending to hurt Goku. He's intending to protect himself and his home. He's not actively wanting to hurt Goku, he's just wanting Goku to leave. He doesn't have power to threaten Goku with, so Goku won't pick up on any threatening aura. And while Goku could simply instant transmission to Kevin and do what he will, we're not talking about how Goku could win, we're going over the fact Kevin could POSSIBLY win.

Enough injury and Goku is down for the count. Otherwise, Goku leaves to avoid further injury, and thereby admits defeat. Both cases, Kevin wins.

Shedinja

This one took me...quite a while. I had to do a lot of extra research for this. So, my immediate thought was Shedinja is a Ghost type, so ghost rules, right? Nah. Bug and Ghost type, and they are the physical shell left behind that has been reanimated. So they very much are physical beings, and given their ability to faint in the games and show they are capable of being physically damaged.

But There's a real case to be made for Shedinja beating Goku.

It can learn Ghost type moves, which operate on ghost-logic, and therefore are a canon weakness Goku is known to have. So things like Shadow Ball, Hex, Curse, and the like would all effect Goku regardless of Ki or form.

It also has access to Wonder Guard, which renders it "immune to all damage types that are not Super-Effective". For those unaware, we can actually attribute Typings to Goku's moves based on attributes and traits they share with Pokemon moves. His melee is, by nature, Fighting type, which Shedinja is immune to. In fact, Shedinja is immune to ALL attack types except Flying, Rock, Ghost, Dark, and Fire type moves, which are all Super Effective.

Goku's most common methods would actually fall under Fighting and Normal type attacks. "But his Ki blasts-" would be Normal type moves. You want proof?

Focus Energy is Normal Type. Quick Attack is Normal Type. Self Destruct is Normal Type. Techno Blast is Normal Type. Tera Blast is Normal Type. These are all energy based moves similar to ki blasts. Know what other energy based move is Normal Type? Hyperbeam. Which is almost identical to the Kamehameha and every other beam attack in DBZ.

Those few attacks Goku has that aren't going to be Normal Type will be Fighting Type.

Shedinja is Immune to all Normal and Fighting Type moves. Goku literally can not damage Shedinja, but Shedinja can damage Goku through Ghost Type moves. Shedinja can beat Goku. But why is it not "absolutely will" beat him? Because Goku can also transform his Ki and if he finds out Shedinja is vulnerable to fire, he can and will use that to his advantage.

That's who could potentially beat Goku. Here's who absolutely could not.

Saitama

I forgot to go over Saitama originally so here's the edit that features that analysis. Bear in mind I am saying this as someone who has seen Seasons 1 and 2 of the show AND is aware of some of the events of the manga.

A lot of reblogs over Saitama claim he is a gag character. But there is a case to be made that he is NOT. What is that case you ask? Well, for the sake of fairness, here is how I am handling gag characters: if their gag is in effect in 100% of all cases (such as looney tunes like Bugs or Road Runner) or if the gag is triggered in 100% of all cases (such as Saiki K or Chowder) then they are a True Gag Character and will insta-win.

However, if their gag has failed (such as Wario, or, yes, even Saitama) in ANY case, then it CAN fail again, and the fairest fight is one against two non-gag characters, so we can safely apply non-gag Saitama here since his gag has failed and Goku meets the conditions to cause it to fail again, which I'll explain.

So, first off, how does his gag fail? Well, his gag is that he kills everything instantly in one hit, unless he actively chooses not to. So we can safely say his gag fails if any of the following are true: he fails to instantly kill an enemy with a single hit while intending to do so, OR if he fails to kill an enemy with a serious hit intended to kill.

He meets both of these conditions. Boros survived for several seconds AFTER Saitama hit him with a Serious Punch. It was a single hit that intended to kill...But he didn't kill Boros INSTANTLY with it. Another example of his gag failing, if that doesn't satisfy, is Garou. Garou, in the manga, has survived MULTIPLE Serious Punches with intent to kill. This, on its own, is proof Saitama's Serious Punch does in fact have a limit to its output. It also proves his gag can, and does, fail against certain opponents.

So the next thing we need to look at is similarities between Garou and Boros to identify what they share that could possibly allow them to get around Saitama's gag, or to nullify it entirely. First similarity is that both are determined to have a good, satisfying fight. Boros crossed the stars seeking one, and Garou sought to become a true Monster powerful enough to force every hero, every do-gooder, to unite under one banner just to take him down. They both seek a battle to end all battles, even if Garou's intention is to end it in his favor, not simply enjoy the fight.

The second similarity is that they have incredibly unique circumstances, even by OPM standards. Garou is a man who has always felt love for the bad guy, he looks to the monsters as inspirations, as the misunderstood and the victimized by those claiming to be heroes. He's trained by an S-Class hero, and has developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of his dream. Very much a true foil to Saitama, who looked to heroes in comics as inspirations, as the righteous and unshakably moral, self-taught through and through and developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of HIS dream. Garou is, in this way, a reflection of Saitama, the Tails to Saitama's Heads, the dark to his light.

Boros on the other hand is an alien, forced to become strong by his homeworld's unforgiving conditions, developing a level of power necessary to survive and then some, and on realizing he was far too powerful for his own good, he sought purpose, meaning, and when he heard he may find a worthy opponent, he did everything he could to achieve that future, to realize his dream of facing a foe that would give him a true challenge.

So what are the similarities we can identify? Notably unique circumstances even by OPM standards, sharing strong similarities to Saitama's desires or dreams (Garou dreaming of becoming the greatest Monster vs Saitama dreaming of becoming the greatest Hero, Boros feeling lost in life and seeking a worthy foe vs Saitama feeling bored with living and wishing for the sensation of a real fight again), and the desire for a serious and ultimate battle.

Goku fits ALL of these conditions. He is an alien sent to Earth for his protection, grew up in hostile conditions (surviving on his own for most of his childhood, constant battles with Nation-level threats throughout his teen years, constant battles with world or universe-level threats throughout his adulthood), trained extensively until he was the best of the best, has the ultimate dream of a truly satisfying battle (a dream he routinely seeks out by facing down powerful foes), and being entirely bored with mundane life because there's absolutely no challenge to it, not to mention the fact he has the ultimate dream of becoming the strongest, something he shares with Saitama's pre-OPM self.

Since Goku fits ALL the conditions needed to make this battle exempt from the gag, we will NOT be considering it, as Saitama is not a True Gag Character, and Goku fitting conditions for nullifying it means we can assume actual power limits and such.

So let's look at feats of power. Saitama's Serious Side Hop technique allowed him to create AT LEAST 60 after-images (based on the manga panel) which, when compared with Sonic's 4, means Saitama was moving 15x faster than Sonic in that moment (bare minimum). An afterimage like that is created by moving at least 572mph, stopping in each position for at least 1/255th of a second (any less and the human eye can't pick up on it), so by moving from position A to B for 1/255th of a second and back to A, going 572mph between the two, you create the afterimage.

Sonic creates 4 simultaneously, meaning he needs to move to 3 positions and then back to starting position, or go from A to B, B to A, A to C, C to A, A to D, and repeat.

This means Sonic, to move into each of these positions in less than 1/255th of a second, would need to be moving ~4x faster than the speed for one afterimage. That puts him as moving at 2,228mph while creating those 4 afterimages. Given he is capable of Mach 5 speeds (he's said to be hypersonic) this feat is easy for him, as Mach 5 is 3,805mph. I assume, just as it's easier to move at top speed in a straight line than at sharp turns for a normal person, it's likely more difficult to create such consistent afterimages and so the difficulty that makes it his best attack is from the technique and reaction involved, not the speed itself.

In any case, if Saitama made at least 60 afterimages, putting him at 15x faster than Sonic's speed while creating 4, that puts Saitama's speed at 33,420mph just to account for the 60 we can count in the manga panel. This means 33,420 is the MINIMUM speed we can assume for Saitama's max ability. To be generous, given he wasn't winded after doing that and given he was able to react incredibly easily to the near-instant directional changes, I'll be kind and put his maximum speed at 10,000x this number.

That puts Saitama's speed at 334,200,000mph, or 49.8% the speed of light. We'll be kind again and say 50% the speed of light, round up that last .2%

So we have a speed value for Saitama. Now what about Goku? Well, let's look at Goku on Namek, for a moment. Base form Goku, at the start of his fight against Freeza. Goku, BEFORE his super saiyan transformation, was moving at 3.26 (we'll round down to 3) times the speed of light. How do I get this number? Buckle up, it's involved.

The Namekian ship Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan took to get to Namek made it from Earth to Jupiter in "seconds". That means less than a minute, so we'll say it took them 1 minute just to lowball it and to have a solid starting number. Jupiter, when the two planets are at their closest to each other (assuming shorter distance for slower speed, another lowball), is 365,000,000 miles from Earth. This means the Namekian ship moved 365mil miles in 1 minute.

That puts the Namekian ship at a speed of 21.9 billion miles per hour. They made it to Namek in 30 days of travel. The ship Goku took to Namek made the trip in 5 days. That means Goku's ship is 6 times faster than the Namekian ship. Don't worry, the ship speed DOES matter in this, I promise you.

So Goku's ship moves at 131,400,000,000mph. That's 131 billion, 400 million miles per hour. Or 195x the speed of light.

Why does the ship speed matter so much, you might ask?

Because King Kai could visually keep up with the ship. He was able to track Goku's progress with ease, and could see his ships movements without problems. This means King Kai's eyes and brain are capable of perceiving and processing things that move at 195x the speed of light.

Why does that matter? Because Super Saiyan is canonically a 50x multiplier to ALL base ability. Strength, speed, durability, etc.

And Goku, in Super Saiyan, was moving so fast King Kai stated he could no longer keep up. King Kai, capable of seeing and processing the input of vision on a ship moving 195x the speed of light, could not see or process the input of vision on Super Saiyan Goku.

We'll lowball it, and say Goku only needed to move 1 mph faster than 195x the speed of light for King Kai to lose track of him. So whatever value we get, we'll add 1mph to for Goku's base form speed.

So 195x the speed of light +1mph. 195/50=3.9x the speed of light. That's 2,616,900,000mph, adding in the extra mph makes it 2,616,900,001mph. So Base Form Goku moves at ~3.9x the speed of light, ON NAMEK. Super Saiyan is a 50x multiplier, putting him at ~195x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 2 is a 100x multiplier to Base, so 390x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 3 is a 400x multiplier, so 1,560x the speed of light. Super Saiyan God is a 20,000 multiplier so 78,000x the speed of light. Super Saiyan Blue is a 1 million times multiplier, so 3,900,000x the speed of light. And lastly, Mastered Ultra Instinct is a 300 billion times multipler, so 1.17 trillion times the speed of light.

Why did I bother going through all those multipliers? He wins in Base as of Namek saga lol. Anyway, continuing on to strength now that we've established Base Goku on Namek could move 3.9x faster than the Speed of Light while Saitama could only move at 0.5x the Speed of Light.

Strength. Okay. This one is harder to gauge, but we CAN gauge it. We'll go in terms of level of damage, so human level (would be on-par or less than peak human ability), town level (small towns), city level (large cities), nation level (an entire nation, less than a continent), continent level (one or more nations that span an entire continent), world-surface level (the surface of an Earth-sized planet), Planetary (capable of destroying an entire Earth-sized planet), Solar (capable of destroying a solar system), Galactic (capable of destroying a galaxy), multi-galactic (capable of destroying many galaxies), Universal (capable of destroying an entire universe), Multiversal (capable of destroying multiple universes).

We'll start with Goku this time. Goku's punches are, as of the Battle of Gods arc, strong enough to match Beerus perfectly to nullify the shockwaves of Beerus' attacks. Mind you, the mere shockwave of Beerus' attacks are enough to rip and tear the fabric of the universe itself, as stated by Elder Kai. This puts Goku's punches as being powerful enough to tear the fabric of the universe in when he first obtained Super Saiyan God. Why does this matter for Base Goku? Because Base Goku retained his SSJG power, as stated by Beerus.

So Goku in Base, post-battle of gods, is physically capable of punches that can tear apart the universe from the aftershocks alone. This is important to note because Elder Kai could physically feel the shockwaves from the World of the Kais. This makes Goku Universe-level in strength. This means Goku, post-BoG, in Super Saiyan is 50x stronger than what's needed for Universal, while Goku, as of current manga canon (assuming he didn't actually get any stronger since BoG and is simply more powerful due to new transformations) is capable of a form (Mastered Ultra Instinct) that puts him 300 billion times stronger than minimum Universe level strength.

And Saitama? Where does he fit here? Well, I thought this gap would be bigger honestly? But after researching, it seems the gap isn't all that big. Saitama has, canonically, with a Serious Punch, snuffed out an entire cylinder of stars and presumably every planet, moon, asteroid, and more, at a distance surpassing that of our solar system, and with a diameter surpassing it as well. This puts Saitama's power (if we lowball it MASSIVELY) at Solar. He could, in a single punch, destroy our entire solar system, and he wouldn't even need to be serious to do it. It's worth noting this is coupled with Garou's own Saitama-level Serious Punch, so we can assume this level of power is double Saitama's own.

So how do we determine the specifics? Well, he cleared an area large enough to cover, presumably, half the area of stars destroyed in the path of his and Garou's serious punches.

Through future revelations in the series we learn they didn't "destroy" every star in that path, but likely only several were destroyed, and possibly a galaxy, while the remainder of the void left behind was from the shockwave forcing every other star within range into a new position, creating a void in space that all stars had been moved from, save the few that were in the DIRECT path of their attack.

Another theory is that the Serious Punch^2 simply distorted the photons in the area, resulting in the appearance of a massive void, and this theory is based on the angles in the manga and comments made by other characters that paint Earth as the only thing in real danger from the power of the attack.

To be fair to Saitama, where we would lowball Goku, we'll highball Saitama, and say the Serious Punch^2 outright destroyed every star in the area. That level of power would, naturally, have shockwaves that push nearby stars out of the way AND distort photons in the area, resulting in a massive cone of destruction surrounded by a large cylinder of force.

This puts Saitama at, quite easily, multi-galactic level of strength.

But why did I say this gap isn't as big as I expected? One simple thing. Saitama has canonically punched his way into a different dimension in the manga. That means he's capable of brute-forcing his way out of the bounds of his universe. He is capable of physically destroying the fabric of the universe.

Meaning Saitama's strength is, bare minimum, Universal in close proximity. That puts him, strength-wise, on par with Goku, who through training has become stronger than Super Buu (who was so strong he could shout his way out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a dimension separate from our own), meaning Goku is also Universal in close proximity.

So...while I expected Saitama to be ~Planetary, MAYBE he'd be Solar at most...Research indicates he's actually Universal, or near-Universal, meaning the fight may not be too far a gap after all.

Goku may have Saitama beat on speed (given recent manga events in OPM, I'm willing to allow that Saitama is faster than light speed, but Goku having as many forms as he does (Kaioken, which he can combine with other forms and can hit a multiplier of x100 on top of whatever power he currently has, SSJ1-3, SSJG, SSJB, MUI) means even if Saitama matches Base Goku, he's likely not going to stand up to his stronger forms).

But on strength, I'd wager they're close enough for this fight to be one hell of a battle.

What about Durability? After all, all the strength in the world won't save you if you're as easy to kill as a simple bullet to the head, right?

Goku has withstood universe-ripping punches (from Beerus, the God of Destruction, and based on comments in the manga he's one of the stronger Gods of Destruction too), dimension-tearing attacks (from Goku Black, pre-Fusion), energy blasts that even the Gods of Destruction were nervous of (from Jiren during the Tournament of Power), and he survived multiple blasts from Granolah post-wish buff, who was renowned for his sniping power pre-wish, and post-wish was as powerful as he would be if he had spent every single second of the next 147 years training non-stop with the absolute healthiest amount of rest and physical care, making him, presently, as powerful as he would be at the END of that time, with the price paid being that he only had 3 years to live as he lost 1 year of his lifespan for each power boost.

It was also clear that Granolah was the strongest in the universe...at the time of his wish. Goku and Vegeta, who were already on their way, were not as powerful as Granolah even with their transformations. They became stronger during their fight with him, and stronger still during their fight with Gas (who was more powerful than Granolah after Gas transformed and mastered his transformation).

So we can safely assume Goku is Multiversal in Durability, as he himself was able to output Universal damage with each punch, and he was able to survive hits from beings drastically stronger than himself.

What about Saitama? Well, Saitama was able to survive the force of the Serious Punch^2 and he was able to casually bust his way into another dimension. So his Serious Punch, if he wanted it to, could easily destroy the barrier between universes or dimensions.

And given he survived the force of two of them impacting each other, I would put Saitama at, bare minimum, Universe-level durability. But given he was able to survive prolonged battle against Garou, who is a Power Mimic and has shown Saitama-level strength, we can safely assume Saitama is BEYOND Universal-level durability, and so we can put him right there with Goku at Multiversal durability.

So what do we have so far?

Goku has speed equal to, in Base Form, 3.9x lightspeed, and 1.17 trillion times lightspeed in his most powerful form.

Goku has Universal level strength in Base Form, 300 billion times that in his most powerful form.

Goku has Universal durability in Base Form, Multiversal durability in his most powerful form (300 billion times his Base Form's durability).

Saitama has speed equal to, at minimum, 0.5x lightspeed, and at maximum, if we highball it, 2x lightspeed.

Saitama has Universal strength.

Saitama has Universal durability at minimum, and Multiversal durability at maximum.

At this point, I'm convinced the speed difference between Base Goku and Saitama means nothing. Saitama's durability means even with Base Goku moving at his top speed, his impacts won't be enough to beat Saitama. At top speed Base Goku may be putting out Universal damage, but he's not putting out enough to actually BEAT Saitama. Only injure.

Making me rethink my "Goku wins in Base lol" claim earlier, how dare you!

Anyway, at this point, Goku would HAVE to transform to beat Saitama. His ability to sense power and Saitama's evident inability to suppress it (as evidenced by multiple characters sensing his ungodly power even while Saitama is completely relaxed) would mean Goku would know, right away, he needs to transform for the fight.

Saitama's durability means Goku would likely need Super Saiyan 2 or 3, or, more likely, SSJG. Super Saiyan God's multiplier to Granolah-arc Goku, after all of his training with Whis and Vegeta, would most likely be enough to beat Saitama. And given SSJG is enough to "most likely" beat him, then Super Saiyan Blue (aka Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan, the form above SSJG) is surely enough, and Mastered Ultra Instinct (a form drastically more powerful than SSJB) is absolutely more than enough to beat Saitama.

And given Goku's mastery over the Kaioken technique, and he's been shown to enter Kaioken x 20 while in Super Saiyan Blue for fair amounts of time as of the Moro saga, meaning even if SSB wasn't enough, given MUI is overkill, it's possible SSB x10 or x20 would be.

The point being, Goku wins this fight due to a combination of technique, experience, and power from his transformations. Given Goku is faster than Saitama and would sense his power as Saitama doesn't know how to suppress it, nothing Saitama could do would be a surprise attack to Goku, meaning Goku would have ample opportunity to react to everything Saitama does.

And given the relatively similar strengths the two bear, Goku would recognize he needs to transform to beat Saitama's output.

And given Saitama's greater durability than Base Goku, and greater durability than even what Saitama himself can put out, Goku would see he needs to transform to have enough of his own output to beat Saitama's durability.

Conclusion: Goku would absolutely win this fight, BUT...I'll give Saitama credit where it's due.

Out of everyone on the entire list, Saitama is the fairest matchup here, and the one most likely to give Goku a truly satisfying fight, given it would be a battle on par with those Goku has enjoyed most.

Kingdom Hearts Mickey

K.H. Mickey has a clear power limit and ability set. He is not strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, or durable enough to beat Goku, but he is just enough of a threat for Goku to actually put his guard up, which is why K.H. Mickey would lose; Goku would see it as a fight, unlike with Kevin.

Crash Bandicoot

Crash isn't nearly powerful enough to be a threat to Goku, but he IS insane enough to push Goku to hostility. Goku would feel the need to put effort into getting him away and that is his downfall.

Hatsune Miku

Goku would assume she is a Red Ribbon android and fight her on assumption she's trying to kill him or bring harm to Earth. He would hit her full force expecting her to tank it and she would keel over dead instantly.

Wario

Everything he could possibly do, the Red Ribbon Army has tried and done better, and they've never beaten Goku. Neither would he.

Sans

Lost to a child with slightly above average human determination, and standard human strength and speed. He does not beat Goku.

And just because you specifically told me not to @ you, have this :)

@that-one-enby-onyx

[jessica-problems]

Seeing @thydungeongal constantly wrestling with people interpreting her posts about D&D in ways that seem completely alien to me has convinced me that there are actually multiple completely distinct activities both being referred to as "playing D&D" Before we begin, I want to stress that I'm not saying one of these groups is Playing The Game Wrong or anything, but there seems to be a lot of confusion and conflict caused by people not being aware of the distinction. In fact, either one works just fine if everyone's on the same page. So far, I think I've identified at least two main groups. And nobody seems to realize the distinction between these groups even exists. The first group of people think of "Playing D&D" as, well, more or less like any other board game. Players read the whole rulebook all the way through, all the players follow the instructions, and the gameplay experience is determined by what the rules tell each player to do. This group thinks of the mechanics as, not exactly the *whole* game, but certainly the fundamental skeleton that everything else is built on top of. People in the second group think of "Playing D&D" as referring to, hanging out with their friends, collaboratively telling a story inspired by some of the elements in the rulebooks, maybe rolling some dice to see what happens when they can't decide. This group thinks of the mechanics of the game as, like... a spice to sprinkle on top of the story to mix things up. (if you belong to this second group, and think I'm explaining it poorly, please let me know, because I'm kind of piecing things together from other people saying things I don't understand and trying to reverse engineer how they seem to be approaching things.) I think this confusion is exacerbated by the fact that Wizards of the Coast markets D&D as if these are the same thing. They emphatically are not. the specific rules laid out of the D&D rulebooks actually direct players to tell a very specific kind of story. You can tell other stories if you ignore those rules (which still counts as "playing D&D" under the second definition, but doesn't under the first)And I think people in both groups are getting mad because they assume that everyone is also using their definition. For example, there's a common argument that I've seen play out many times that goes something like this:

A: "How do I mod D&D to do [insert theme here]?" B: "D&D is really not built for that, you should play [other TTRPG] that's designed for it instead" A: "But I don't want to learn a whole new game system!" B: "It will be easier to just learn a whole new system than mod D&D to do that." A: "whatever, I'll just mod D&D on my own" And I think where this argument comes from is the two groups described above completely talking past each other. No one understands what the other person is trying to say. From A's perspective, as a person in the second group, it sounds like A: "Anyone have some fun inspirations for telling stories about [insert theme here]?" B: "You can't sit around a table with your friends and tell a story about that theme! That's illegal." A: "But we want to tell a story about this theme!" B: "It's literally impossible to do that and you're a dumb idiot baby for even thinking about it." A: "whatever, jerk, I'll figure it out on my own."

--- Whereas, from B's perspective, the conversation sounds like A: "How do I change the rules of poker to be chess, and not be poker?" B: "uhhh, just play chess?" A: "But I already know how to player poker! I want to play poker, but also have it be chess!" B: "what the hell are you talking about? What does that even mean. They're completely different games." A: "I'm going to frankenstein these rules together into some kind of unplayably complex monster and you can't stop me!" ---

So both people end up coming away from the conversation thinking the other person is an idiot. And really, depending on how you concieve of what it means to "play D&D" what is being asked changes considerably. If you're only planning to look through the books for cool story inspiration, maybe borrow a cool little self contained sub-system here or there, then yeah, it's very possible to steal inspiration for your collaborative story from basically anywhere. Maybe some genres are kind of an awkward fit together, but you can make anything work with a little creativity.

If, however, you are thinking of the question in terms of frankensteining two entire board games together, then it becomes a massively difficult or even outright nonsensical idea. For example, for skill checks, the game Shadowrun has players roll a pool of several d6 at once, then count up how many rolled above a target value to see how well a character succeeded at a task. The whole game is full of specific rules about adding or removing dice from the pool, effects happening if you roll doubles, rerolling only some of the dice, and all sorts of other things that simply do not translate to rolling a single d20 for skill checks. On a basic level, the rules of the games work very differently. Trying to make them compatible would be much harder than just learning a new game from scratch. Now, neither of these approaches is exactly *wrong*, I guess, but personally, I find the rules of TTRPGs to be fascinating and worth taking the time to engage with all the weird little nuances and seeing what shakes out. Also, the first group, "TTRPG as fancy board game" is definitely the older and more widespread one. I kind of get the impression that the second group largely got into D&D through actual play podcasts, but I don't have any actual data to back that up. So, if you're in the second group, who thinks of D&D as basically a context for collaborative storytelling first and a game second, please let me know if I'm wildly misunderstanding how you approach D&D. Because I'm pretty sure it would save us a whole lot of stupid misunderstandings.

[sayruq]

I want everyone to understand that even if Israel wins this (I mean it won't but just imagine), it won't recover from this. It won't recover from getting caught off guard on Oct 7th. The government and the IDF spent days unable to have a strategic response to the Palestinian fighters while their own soldiers deserted and their allies openly questioned the wisdom of a ground invasion in Gaza. That's why they're bombing Gaza, it is the only way to project strength to the world but it is also alienating billions of people. The world has never been more pro Palestine than this moment in time.

Just like how America being forced to flee Afghanistan led to a series of Ls globally, Israel struggling against Hamas, PFLP, Islamic Jihad, and other groups will have disastrous effects locally and internationally. I mean, the political class is already falling apart with Netanyahu blaming government officials for this disaster. The Israeli government have no unity or cohesion which is not a great sign to put it lightly. War usually binds people, even rival political groups, and especially allies. America has been hinting that it doesn't approve of some of actions taken by Israel. It could be just Biden and his people trying to softly distance him from the genocide in Gaza but you also have former and current military leaders disapproving of Israel's military strategy.

The thing is you don't see Iran openly questioning the Palestinians. You don't see Hezbollah running to the press to let them know they think Hamas' strategy is weak. Every single Palestinian militia group, including the ones in the West Bank, are working together. Iran, Hezbollah and the Palestinians are all coordinating. In the past week, they would attack Israeli settlements and military bases and American bases in Iraq and Syria at the same time. They've even managed to get new support from the Yemeni Ansar Allah group.

Israel's main export is security- meaning weapons manufacturing and training. How many countries will rush to have their police or soldiers train with the IDF after witnessing them fold while in battle (in the latest ground incursion, the IDF lasted only 15 minutes inside Gaza according to Al Jazeera)? How many countries will line up to buy Israeli tanks after seeing them get taken out easily by guerilla fighters? How many countries and individual investors will want to invest in Israel when it can't go 5 years without a war or genocide?

I believe with all my heart we will soon see a liberated Palestine.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Ateez as Dads-

collab with loren @eightmakesonebraincell who shares the same single braincell as me bc we know we're not the only ones obsessed with the recent ateez x children content

(disclaimer: i don't like babies. but the idea of ateez handling babies? adorable. loren, however, loves kids so here's the outcome)

Hongjoong

"hold this thing, i don't know what to do with it."

"that's your child, hongjoong."

looks like the frightened hamster meme when the baby starts crying out of nowhere

sometimes sleeps through the baby crying its lungs out at night LMAO but that's only when he's exhausted asf

bet he'll write a song or two about fatherhood too and you'll be like 'what would you know about it you slept through the night'

may be uncomfortable at times but when he starts bonding, you'll see it in his actions

like when he reforms cute little things like clothings or shoes for his baby, adding little dangly things to the crib

or when he makes cute accessories for the baby

matching reformed things omg

super stylish matching parent-kid duo

the bonding literally happens with the smallest moment like one day the baby is crying in his arms and tugs at his shirt with its little fist and he's done for he loves his kid 10000x more all of a sudden

and when the baby calms down immediately after coming into his arms? he'll die of happiness

and when the baby recognises him in a group of people??? new level of dad unlocked

literally melts whenever the kid runs across the room to fly into his arms or calls him daddy

paints the room for his kid and gives them a wall in their room to paint whatever they like

lets the kid paint his nails and they could even have that one matching painted fingernail omg

later when the kid grows up they'll have uv lights and like the latest stuff for nails but you bet hongjoong's gonna dry that nail paint by blowing on it-

literally the most supportive, allowing the kid to explore beyond conventional boundaries and guiding them along

also very attentive esp when they start growing up and observing

he'll make sure he answers all of their curious little questions to the best of their understanding

and surprisingly, he won't mind his kid in his studio

like how adorable is it when you find your kid in his lap, sharing earphones as he composes?

he just loves it when they sit on him or when they lie down next to him/on top of him when he's resting that's his therapy

Seonghwa

more of a mother than the real mother

knows exactly what to do like he's raised six kids already (i'm looking at you ateez)

wakes up at ass o clock in the morning to shush the crying baby so you can get some sleep :')

mother-coded that's what he is

you'll definitely be learning motherhood from him LMAO

but jokes aside he's actually the best partner you could have asked for in such a situation

he's so so patient with the kid and you

esp you

he understands when you're overwhelmed and when you need a break

so he's always willing to give you some space and takes care of the kid in the meanwhile which is so :')

so you try your best to return it to him in every way as well <3

you'll both be figuring this journey out together and that's the best part

bonds with the kid so good

esp when they start going to school and he literally can't wait for them to get home so he can hear about how their day was

lives for the gossip he gets from his kids about school too LOL

he'll be like yass give me the tea come on

also pretty much behaves like a kid when he's having a good time with his kids

like he goes 'no it's my turn to select the ice cream flavour you have to try this you'll love it i'm not hearing a no-'

kids teach him new slangs but you bet he'll stick to the good old 'no cap' and 'yeet'

gets matching stupid stuff like those green alien glasses for him and the kid-

you just know your kids will love him more than you and you accept it. you don't mind that at all bc he's such a lovable person

he'll always be running around the house with them trying to catch them or letting them catch him

they will watch animated movies together and draw together and make legos together they're gonna share that obsession

he's there. always. in every moment of their life :')

Yunho

curious to learn

but that doesn't stop him from playing with the baby like they're a toy boi has no fear

he's always gushing over how small and cute and adorable they are

he'll also be a bit scared at first to hold the baby in his arms but will get used to it real quick

loves feeding them and cleaning them with you

he's got some sort of magic to him too he can soothe a crying baby in seconds

plays with them/holds them like they're a cat/puppy

gives them rides on his shoulders and they love it you can hear their laughter ring around the house

teases you about how they look nothing like you but if they do look like you more, he'll be scanning them for one similarity that he can boast about.

"he's got my smile. see?"

loves playing with their hair and combing and styling it

also loves it when you all match unintentionally when going out

the type to play with the kids in the most unconventional ways when you're not looking

almost accidentally drops the baby at least once a week- i said ALMOST okay he's good at catching.

kids cling on to his long legs and he effortlessly walks like no big deal omgg

would even swing his legs like an amusement ride which might possibly earn a scream from you-

also once used the laundry basket as a rollercoaster for the kid. you can imagine how that ended. no living beings were harmed tho-

HE'S A FUN DAD OK

literally his kids are always running around him asking him to do sth fun with them or tell them jokes or play with him

teaches the kids the latest trends

makes dancing tik toks with them

he's actually also the super responsible dad, always dependable. you literally have nothing to worry about esp bc he can be serious when he needs to be

he allows the kids to take challenges, believing the kids need to grow at their own pace and that getting hurt is also a part of growing up

teaches them to be kind, to respect people, to always smile

goes on dates with them to the amusement parks, aquariums, carnivals etc and when they're older they go fishing or go-karting

Yeosang

(sincerely apologise for using a photo with alcohol in a post with babies BUT DOES HE NOT LOOK BABY HERE???)

the babiest of dads

googles whatever the baby does as if that will give him the answer

notices every little thing the baby does

follows instructions like a robot

forgets that the baby is actually a baby and they can't really do their stuff themselves so he has to do it for them-

like for example after a meal he clears the high chair and forgets he needs to help the baby off the chair until it wails LOL

is always worrying about what the baby is feeling esp when it is crying without a reason

always fusses about the little things bc he cares so much :')

sometimes you have to sit him down and tell him that it's okay if the baby is crying-

he even enjoys simply watching the baby esp when they do stupid stuff or play around with food

"that's disgusting but so adorable"

gets taught the latest trends by his kid but still ends up using them in the wrong contexts lmao

yeosang and the kid wailing about the mom on their way home until yeo takes the wrong turn and the kid glares at him and points to the right direction

yeosang and the kid in the shopping mall and yeosang gets lost

goes to the counter to pay but taps his pockets bc he can't find his wallet and the kid sighs loudly and hands it to him

yeosang taking his kid to the parent teacher meeting and he forgets HE'S the parent

he may be forgetful and zone out at times but he's actually very responsible. you never worry whenever you leave your kid with him and go out. you can depend on him <3

you'll see him mature as his kids grow up too, like you can literally see him learning fatherhood

doesn't mean they won't open dexter's laboratory when you're gone and clean up the mess before you come-

sees cute posts about lunchboxes with octopus sausage and seaweed characters on the rice but canNOT replicate it even after spending hours but the kids flaunt it like a masterpiece at their school <3 (loren you're so right for this)

his kids' friends WILL have a crush on yeosang. the teachers might too. how could you not??

his kids gon be the prettiest istg-

San

i'm sorry to break it to you but you'll have to take care of two babies <3

as loren said 'normal children learn behaviours from their parents. san learns behaviours from the baby.'

pretends to cry when the baby is crying so he can also receive hugs and kisses from you

he's actually the most responsive father ever, like he'll know what's actually happening with the kid instead of pretending to know

it's like he's connected to them on an astral level

so he's pretty much a natural caretaker

like he said, he knows how to give love

so he'll never make you feel less loved as well

he'll keep reassuring you how imp you are to him esp now that you're the mother of his child and he'll always be grateful to you for bringing this blessing into his life

but he also has his moments LMAO like i can just imagine him playing with the kid in the most babiest of manners

to the point the kid refuses to listen to you

the kids will always ALWAYS choose him whenever they're asked the 'who do you love more mom or dad' question

and even though that makes you pissed momentarily bc pls who wouldn't get pissed you find it super adorable how much your kids love their dad

safe place.

tells his kids early on what's good and what's bad. no compromises

teaches them when to be sorry and when to stand up for themselves

taekwondo together <3 he'll make them show off at family events or stuff and demand that the audience give good reactions otherwise he's gonna pout sooo hard

he'll make sure his kids don't laze around. chores? yes. exercise? yes. nap-time? necessary. homework? don't even dare to say no. play-time? HELL YES

teaches traditional games to his kids too and makes them interact with other kids to play instead of video games so early on

the video games are HIS okay they can't touch it until they grow up

kids go to him for help in school work and he'll sit there all zoned out wondering when the hell this got included in their syllabus

will refuse to give up until you catch him tired and scratching his head in confusion

"i'm pretty sure education gets tougher every year."

"whatever helps you sleep at nights san <3" LOL

loves spending time together, all of you, anywhere as long as you all are together <3

Mingi

9/10 times will cry when the baby cries

but also really good at taking care of them and it amazes him too

calms the baby down with the cutest most concerned face ever so he looks more baby than the baby

pretends to sleep when the baby wakes up crying in the middle of the night

until you poke his stomach and go 'don't you fucking dare' and he starts laughing helplessly

but then takes the reins and lets you sleep if you look too done <3

jokingly tries to gaslight you into thinking it's your turn to settle the baby but you bet you're keeping tabs too

but when he sees how tired you look, he'll never ever complain no matter how tired he may be himself. will even tuck YOU into bed

the type to sit in the lounge with some kid's show on with the kid itself and you give him snacks to feed the kid

but at some point he got a taste and now he's looking at the packaging and going 'this shit good' when it's actually some baby-friendly snack 😭

and then suddenly it's all gone and the kid is glaring at mingi with angry eyes 😭😭 and he's like pleasure is temporary my child-

but now he has his own fav baby snacks too.

does freestyle rapping about the misery of fatherhood LMAO

also does lame stuff like tapping on the baby's shoulder and when they turn to look at him he has his finger out so it pokes the baby's cheek like-

gets matching shades for him and the kid

hangs out with them a lot, even if it's inside

hears every story they have to tell but also they just looooveee to hear stories from him bc he's a good storyteller

even though half of the shit is made up but he pretends it actually happened-

"one time i saw your mom ugly crying in a shop. i asked her what the matter was. she saw me and fell in love instantly."

"wasn't it the other way?"

loves swinging his kids in his arms whenever he comes home and then you stand there all pouty and he runs after you-

can't scold kids to save himself. can never. always bursts out laughing whenever he glares at them. so you do that for him.

now you're the antagonist in the house

can't handle when his kids are being adorable like he'll just clutch his heart and pretend to faint

best father-kid dynamic bc he's the playful but responsible dad

Wooyoung

he's a natural at this come on

"i feel like he's more my sibling than my own child"

always has his baby in his arms to the point you have to snatch it from him bc you can see he's tired

takes care of everything- from bathing them to feeding them. he's so good at it too

you love him even more bc he may tease you to bits but you never thought he'd be a cooperative lovable menace too

talks to the baby in baby language and they actually hold conversations

and when you join he'll just make fun of you LOL

starts treating you like a baby too when you're tired and you're not sure you hate that you might actually start doing it on purpose too-

taught the kid the art to charm people so they're throwing random cheeky compliments around

like they'll go to a shop and the kid will compliment the shopkeeper and they'll be like omg so precious and hand freebies

and those freebies would be wooyoung's earnings btw aint no way the kid gon have those

will train a family of cutest loveable menaces :')

the chef dad

creates masterpiece lunchboxes for his kids that even the teachers are tempted to steal

i can just imagine the girl friend (also crush) of wooyoung's son at school having a big fat crush on wooyoung and wanting to marry him like come on😭😭

then the son gets super grumpy about it and woo sits him down and asks what's bothering him

then he'll teach him how to bake cookies and the son ends up sweeping the girl off her feet omgg

woo placing his hands over his kid's hands bc they're too small to properly hold the piping bag when they decorate cakes and cookies and cupcakes

them playing in the kitchen and throwing flour on each other and you come and look all smugly at woo bc yes you're gonna clean this mess later on

but you end up joining them :')

dolls up his kids and asks them to kiss him on both his cheeks before they leave

and you bet the kids love that routine

hugs. all the time. hugs.

makes sure to capture these moments for memories if you haven't already and he'll love looking back at these days <3

Jongho

best dad

makes sure he doesn't forget to take care of you as you take care of the baby :')

always gets surprised when the baby does sth new

priceless reactions from him, esp when the baby first says a comprehensible word or takes its first steps

always spreading his arms whenever he spots the baby so the baby can crawl/walk/run to him

swings them in the air and does those little throws

the strong dad. the one who's carrying the kids effortlessly- one on the shoulder, one under the arm, walking as if they weigh nothing

jongho's kid: hi i'm hungry

jongho: hi hungry, i'm dad

overuses every dumb dad joke ever to exist but still finds it super hilarious and sometimes you'll end up laughing along

"back in my days-"

"ah shit here we go again."

bc you know dad jokes aside he's actually a super funny guy when he wants to be

the type to team up with his kid to tease YOU

whispers shit in their ears like 'go pull out your mom's hairclip as revenge for her not letting us hang out in the snow with ice cream last night' when you're super occupied and gets a good laugh out of it

taps your shoulder and then looks away when you glare at him but ends up pointing at the kid like the kid's the one who did it-

when the two are a giggling mess it's hard to differentiate who's the actual kid from the parent

sings with his kids a lot. might vocally train them a bit too

road trips are gonna be so much more fun when everyone's singing at the top of their lungs

when his kid is older and starts to get school assignments that require some form of art like creating a model or designing a poster, his kid is definitely going to score an A because jongho can and WILL help and end up over-achieving LOL

will plan with his kids on days like valentine's or mother's day or anniversary, prepare to get serenaded by the lot

he involves them a lot in everything so they grow up super smart

loves doing stupid things with the kids too like he'll literally be the one following the kids at times

but you love it bc you never have to worry about anything with him ;-; <3 he's also super protective

unless there's a bug in front of you. then you're all on your own.

[gotta-winwin]

going seventeen 2020 <> TTT #1

masterlist | cyana's masterlist

word count: 1.5k italics are in english, bolded words are in mandarin a/n: one of my fave series in gose ever... ttt! lets all thank @massivecrusadephilosopher2 for requesting this wonderful gose ep <3

Cyana was glad she chose the car with all the chill people. She could only imagine how loud the other cars must be, filled with karaoke loving singers and members who couldn't stop talking. She loved them all to death - but it was way too early in the morning - and she couldn't be happier sitting next to Vernon as Minghao drove.

"I'm in such a good mood today." Minghao announced to everyone as they pulled out of their company driveway. "Although it is a bit burdensome, celebrating my birthday with everyone."

Cyana nudged Vernon. "Nonnie was so excited while packing. I've never seen him so ready to do something."

"It's been awhile since we've all hung out." Vernon reminded them. It was rare for all 14 of them to spend a night together.

She hummed, happy just thinking about the fun they were about to have. "It's my first staycation."

Wonwoo twisted around from the front seat to look at her. "Ever?" His voice was uncharacteristically loud with astonishment.

Cyana nodded, curling up in her seat. She tugged the blanket Joshua had gotten her so it draped over her lap. Getting comfortable, she looked up to see Wonwoo still looking at her. "You don't really film content like this as an actress." She shrugged. "I'm happy my first staycation is with Seventeen."

Vernon nodded, in the middle of putting headphones on. "It's definitely going to be a trip."

"Since we don't have to be on time..."

Cyana peaked an eye open upon hearing Wonwoo's voice. They had been driving silently for the past couple hours. She wordlessly apologized to the editors for giving them nothing to work with. She however, did not regret the nap her and Vernon had just taken.

"...why don't we go and enjoy the sea?"

Wonwoo always had such bright ideas, Cyana mused, sitting up and pushing Vernon gently off her.

"It's like we're on a personal trip." Minghao said, laughing at the thought.

"This only happens because it's us." Cyana added, her eyes warm. "I still can't believe they let us drive together - they know we're all no fun."

[ free-willed group ]

The scenery was beautiful as they walked along the seaside, autumn leaves blowing gently through the wind.

"I love fall." Cyana announced, to no one in particular. "I love fall so so so so so much."

Wonwoo couldn't help but smile at her words, watching as she admired the autumn colors around them, seemingly in her own world. Wordlessly, he held up his phone and snapped a picture.

The movement didn't escape Minghao's keen eyes however, as he raised a hand to tap Cyana on the shoulder. "Wonwoo-"

"Let's all take a picture!" Vernon jumped in, saving his hyungs ass.

Cyana blinked, quickly agreeing, confused why Wonwoo's face had turned so pink and why Vernon was suddenly so enthusiastic about pictures.

Shaking his head, Minghao shot Wonwoo a look.

Wonwoo could only subtlety shake his head and hope Cyana was still too enamoured by the scenery to notice.

Arriving at the airbnb, Cyana let out a loud gasp. "Look!" She grabbed Vernon's shoulder, shaking for his attention. "You can see Hoshi singing from all the way here."

Vernon followed her gaze, joining in on the laughter when he saw Hoshi, serenading the others in his tiger print t-shirt. "Wow." He mused, respecting the dedication. "He's actually insane."

"I want to join." Feeling rejuvenated after the calm and peaceful nap she just had, Cyana raced up the stairs and into the house.

"Cute." Vernon stated, as he watched the girl run away.

"What?" Wonwoo stood next to him, watching her as well.

[ admiring alien + painfully oblivious cat ]

The general vibe of the gathering was being kept up solely by Hoshi's passionate performance, as more people came and joined him in singing. Cyana sat on the couch, amused by the whole thing.

DK, Hoshi, Dino and Mingyu began singing some sad song, making her laugh over how much raw emotion was going into the performance.

"We're not onstage, guys." She reminded them, smiling so much her cheeks were starting to hurt. "Wa~ they really are natural performers."

Jun patted the spot next to him, urging her to come closer. "Hi."

She giggled. "Hello, Moonjunnie."

"I haven't seen you all week." He complained, throwing his head back against the couch. It was true, their schedules had somehow resulted in them never crossing paths. "I miss you."

"I'm right here, Junnie." Cyana smiled at his theatrics. "I missed you too. I haven't seen anyone this week, but somehow I've seen Mingyu every. single. day." She voiced out her complaints to Jun, who was listening, bemused.

He pointed at the boy in question, who was busy singing his heart out into the mic, a large arm around Dino's shoulders. "He's right here."

Cyana sighed. "It's like he's glue or something. We had identical schedules this week. I don't even know how that's possible. He's in Hip Hop and I'm in Vocal."

Jun patted her knee. "Ah. To have problems like you."

She kicked him playfully. "It is a real problem."

She regretted drinking so much so early. It was evident from the way Jeonghan was yelling about playing foot volleyball that the party had only began, and Cyana was already feeling way too tipsy.

Ignoring their calls to play, she ventured deeper down the hallway where their rooms were, coming across a figure lying on the ground.

Upon closer inspection, she realized it was Vernon.

"Nonnie?" She whispered, bending over and shaking his foot to wake him up. She was no longer surprised, having been used to his quirks for awhile now.

"Hm?" His voice was rough from the lack of use. "Nana?"

She hummed in confirmation. "The others are playing foot volleyball. You want to join?"

She knew his answer before he even replied.

"No."

Smiling, she slumped down next to him, leaning against the wall. "I don't either. I might black out from all the movement."

Vernon peaked open an eye to look at her from the ground. "Dizzy?" He asked, knowing she was part of the "low iron line."

Cyana only hummed in reply again.

Shouts and cheers echoed through the place, reaching both their ears as they stayed in silence, listening to the whoops and cries as the others played.

"This is nice." Cyana mumbled after awhile, smiling. It felt like her face was permanently frozen in one, with how much she had been smiling and laughing today.

Vernon nodded, his eyes still closed. "Told you."

Vernon had promised her any trip with Seventeen would be fun, reassuring her that spending a night with 13 boys was not as scary as it sounded when the 13 boys was them: made of goofiness but full of gentle care.

Cyana watched as Dino took shot after shot, living out his punishment after losing to Seungkwan in badminton.

"You reap what you sow." She told him, wagging a finger when he only pouted.

"Where did you even learn that?" Seungkwan asked her, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "No way Joshua taught you that."

"I did." Jeonghan raised his hand, a silly grin overtaking his face. He was proud that Cyana had found a chance to use the new phrase - even more proud that it had been used to tease Dino. "My little prodigy." He cooed, hands reaching to grab her cheek.

Cyana swiftly dodged, having much experience with it by now.

"Wait." Seungkwan called after Dino, who had been trying to escape through the distraction. "You still have to call me 'Hyung who I respect and have a lot to learn from.'"

Dino cringed just thinking about it. "Can I not?"

"You reap what you sow, Dino-yah~" Cyana sang from behind him, giggling when he turned to look at her with betrayal in his eyes.

"You're really going to treat your own twin like that?" He asked, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "This is betrayal."

[ you reap what you sow kekekeke ]

Seungcheol's voice rang through the room as he sang, proving to everyone he wasn't just a rapper. Cyana lazily waved her hands in the air, following the beat. The alcohol in her system was increasing both her social levels and her lack of self-control.

"Wooo~" She cheered once Seungcheol was done. "Best leader!"

He beamed under her praise.

"My turn~" Jeonghan took the mic from Seungcheol, cueing up the last song Cyana thought he'd sing. A rap song.

"Oh my god." She raised her hands to her mouth in surprise. Falling into DK's side, she let out a squeak. "It's Yoonzino." Jeonghan's infamous alter ego only ever made an appearance whenever Cyana was in his room and Jeonghan rapped along to her Spotify playlists.

"That's right!" Jeonghan called into the mic. "Yoonzino in the house~"

"You're so lucky you see this every night." DK nudged Cyana.

She laughed. "Hannie oppa has a secret love for rapping."

Laughing even harder when she saw Minghao jumping from outside the window, she doubled over in a fit of giggles, her upper half falling into DK's lap.

He stared down at her affectionately, an equally big grin on his face. "You're giggly today."

"She's drunk." Wonwoo mused, fighting back a smile.

[ mysterious until filled with alcohol ]

a/n: woo first half of ttt 2020 done! it was sm fun rewatching and imagining what cyana would be doing. she's part of the low iron line cuz she's just like me fr. let me know if you guys would be open to a part 2!

[sillyhanako]

˚ ₊ ‧ ୨﹒its getting stickyyyyy﹒୧ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅

﹒꒦꒷ headcanons﹔dandadan cast x saiki!reader

﹒꒦꒷ contains﹔tsundere reader , reader being pulled in unnecessary fights , saiki is acc way too op wtf??? , ♾️aura for reader for not being naked in that one scene , a persona reference (find it >:3 !!) , smart reader ftw , seiko considers reader a genius , reader being the 2 lovebird's therapist , fashion show at momo's room , grateful reader.

୧﹒wc : 505 (IM GOING BACK TO 5O5)

꒱﹒a/n﹒୨୧ : HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Omg why did i forgot about this blog for a hot minute. Exams has been DRAINING my pp. Enjoy this draft fr 🤣🔥 GOODMORNING to the SQUID GAME NATION GOODMORNING to THE 8 SHOW NATION love yal fr oh yeah btw i havent watched saiki since 2022 and it was nice scrolling at tdlosk wiki page 💔💔

ー﹕m.list﹐

saiki!reader who is usually the background character, "the quiet kid", a reclusive shut-in who hates being the center of attention. They are quite reserved and rarely uses their voice. you could say that they liked their calm little life, so much as to go out from their way to make other people disinterested in them or avoid others as much as possible.

saiki!reader who gets exposed for having high spiritual energy when the Serpos attack the school. And thus being forced to fight these local-creepy-old-man looking... aliens?? Good grief.

saiki!reader who altered the memories of those who saw the three naked. hm? Ofcourse its only the lovebirds and the third-wheel. what? Did you really think they would be caught naked in front of the whole school? over their dead body.

saiki!reader who is now being constantly followed by the little group of friends that wont stay so little, and they dont get why? They helped them that ONE time. It doesnt mean they could be disturbing his peace everyday?

saiki!reader who isnt escaping the group's question of how they go their psychic abilities, when did they get their psychic abilities, what they can do with their psychic abilities... and the list goes on. And they have to expect this moutain of questions whenever a new member joins.

saiki!reader who rarely participates in fights but if they do its gonna be effortlessly flashy. They prefer to attack from a distance where the enemy wouldnt spot them, putting them at a disadvantage.

saiki!reader who saves their asses when they are in trouble. And they demand coffe jelly as a repayment.

saiki!reader who offers a listening ear for momo and okarun, letting them ramble about how much they love eachother and the people who deem as a competitor for their love. And in return the psychic just tells them how much of a coward they are and yapping their ears off wont magically get them together, so they better muster up that courage and confess. Like its not going to cut off their head. and if they dont they have no ballz (one of them certainly doesnt have em).

saiki!reader who helps with chores around Seiko's house, such as cleaning and buying groceries as a way to repay her kindness that many doesnt seem to appreciate.

saiki!reader who caught the attention of evil eye, he deems them as a worthy rival. And now on top of fighting litteral aliens, searching for balls and being the personal therapist of 2 lovebirds they also need to keep watch from getting jumped by a possessed athlete? End their misery.

saiki!reader whos a victim of momo's fashion show. She says she loves their (unintentional) pink and green aestethic and begs for them to try just fewwwww of outfits that she claims to be just their style.

saiki!reader who combines their hydrokinesis and pyrokinesis powers when jiji turns into the evil eye.

saiki!reader who is grateful for their annoying friends.

© 2025 sillyhanako ━ do not copy, steal, or reupload my works. Thanks!

[internetskiff]

The most powerful ability exclusive to humanity in the Half Life/Portal shared universe is our ability to just throw bullshit at the wall and see what sticks. Aperture "OSHA are the devil" Science have managed to create completely safe interconnected points in space. The same company that turns people's blood into gasoline and shoves lions and humans into the same enclosed space for the vague concept of "Science". Meanwhile Black Mesa still has to use Xen as a crossing and their teleportation device requires an entire reactor with a village's worth of staff constantly maintaining it, just to end up having most of said staff abducted by onion-headed aliens. Even the resistance hasn't managed to create completely stable teleporters with a compressed Xen relay, meanwhile Aperture just went "oh dude let's shove a black hole into a non-waterproof gun" and have just created a teleportation method that just removes Xen from the equation entirely. Doesn't change the fact they bullshat so bad they basically got themselves gassed to death, but still.

The Resistance are a good example of this too. The Combine seem to have a complete set-in-stone thought process and understanding of science which meant they didn't even begin to explore local teleportation via Xen, meanwhile a group of random human mechanics and scientists have managed to cobble together at least two semi-functional local teleporters out of scrap metal and stolen Combine tech, to the point the All-Consuming Interdimensional Empire had to straight up copy their homework. And that isn't even the only time they seem to be taking human shit to just copy the blueprints.

They 100% just yoinked the entire damn car out of that garage just to take a crack at reverse-engineering the Tau Cannon attached to it. Even Resistance weaponry somehow manages to rival or at least stand equal to Combine tech - and we're talking improvised crossbows that shoot superheated rods of rebar at the target compared to high-tech rifles that can discharge orbs of pure dark energy. The collapse of the entire Citadel is basically set into motion as a result of a cobbled together Rebel device placed into extremely capable hands.

The events of the Portal games are a case of extremely elaborate machinelike planning versus pure human improvisation, with Chell's entire escape in the first game involving her simply weaseling her way through small cracks that GLaDOS missed while setting up her ambushes, eventually turning her own rocket turret against her to destroy her.

I suppose you could argue this falls flat in Portal 2 with Wheatley, but it's important to remember he's designed to be an utter idiot, so it's safe to say he wouldn't obsess over the larger picture like GLaDOS to the point where he fails to see the cracks. Yes, he's the one that breaks Chell out of the test chambers again, and yes, he's the one that came up with the sabotage plot - but it's important to note while he knows what to target in the sabotage, when we actually get there he doesn't quite know how to sabotage it, leaving Chell to figure it out on her own. She botches the Turret Quality Control Line with some minor guidance, but it's basically completely up to her to figure out how to cut off the Neurotoxin Supply. It's through her improvisation that Wheatley even manages to get into GLaDOS' chamber, tumbling through her neurotoxin vent and shattering the glass cage she trapped Chell inside of. It's through Chell's improvisation that the Core Transfer even occurs in the first place.

The script is flipped specifically when Wheatley takes charge, because oops - turns out a mind capable of focusing on the bigger picture might be pretty important when it comes to running an entire facility powered by it's own Reactor. Wheatley just completely zeroes in on his own personal pleasure, hacking up test chambers and the objects within them to try and figure out the easiest way to get his solution euphoria as quick as possible.

Still, something that's pretty interesting is that only Wheatley has ever managed to create a trap that's impossible to foresee and avoid, something GLaDOS has repeatedly failed to do to the point she ends up commending him. I believe this is because his way of thinking is a lot closer to Chell's compared to GLaDOS'. He puts up way more of a fight as the two run through the facility trying to get to him, seemingly improvising on the spot just like Chell has been over the course of the two games. Even his lair would be impossible to survive if it weren't for a single Conversion Gel pipe he somehow failed to notice and remove.

Whether in a laboratory deep beneath the soil or an alien tower tall enough to split the clouds, the ingenuity of even a single person is enough to topple a tower or destroy a supercomputer 3 times over.

Marc Laidlaw put what I'm trying to say into a single sentence when writing for the BreenGrub twitter account:

"The superstructure is riddled with cracks."

[alienpossession]

Ever since I laid eyes on the group of tradies that worked on my neighbor's house, their fate has been sealed to become yet another collection of men infected by the alien spores I cultivated for my own lustful fulfillment. I don't want to bore you with how did I have access to the so-called alien spores or how I, a mere 28 years old nerdy scientist, ended up leading the Research & Development department of a Big Pharma within 2 years of merely finishing my grad school, so let's cut it directly to me stalking one of the tradie when he shopped for some material for my neighbor's house.

When he went to the quieter side of the vast material stores seemingly lost in the selection of wood panels, I simply dropped the spores to the floor and let it made its move to approach his woods....stealthily.

It proven to be yet another successful conquest as the spores quickly latched itself to his pants, which surprised him as he tried to swat it away with his hand as he thought that it was merely some insects or something. The contact with his palm enabled the spores to reach more part of his body and before long, the spores shot itself through the available orifices such as his mouth, nose and ear as it then spread all over his organ system within seconds. When the takeover is finalized, he's a mere drone of his former self. With their core hivemind under my control as I provided it with life sources for months, like a good pet of mine, he started to grin at me and then undressed his clothing

"Wow, yet another bodies. You are one lustful human, don't you?"

I just licked my lips as my hands started to wander to rub my tenting crotch

"Go sniff my reeked shirt and wait for me in my truck, nerd. Let me build up some sweat by lifting these heavy panels and shit like the real man I am so you can have more potent musk to inhale later when we go back to my workplace,"

Obviously, after giving him heads throughout the 12 miles-supposedly-30-minutes-drive that he purposefully lengthened into 75 minutes (and 30 miles!) by taking the more scenic and secluded routes and pitstop where he fucked the shit out of my hole before I shoved his mouth into my leaking cock, he came back inside my neighbor house to infect his fellow tradies. When he called my phone number around 10 minutes after his takeover, I walked into my neighbor house with the 3 tradies already incorporated into the hivemind

I eventually spent my entire evening fucked in the construction zone/my neighbor's house by the tradies trio that fucked the shit out of my holes as if I'm some kind of slut they used to bang when they were straight and still human. The way they really treated me as if I'm just a fleshlight under their mercy really made my head spin as I never really experienced such a senseless fucking from multiple men at once.

The 3 new addition of tradies fit perfectly into my ever-growing collection. Plus, with my bald-headed, intimidatingly huge neighbor followed their fate as I eventually converted him into yet another puppet, I have easier time to gather them all in my so-called "sex dungeon" so I can inspect them in one go while they can mingle together in the basement that supposedly used by my Romanian neighbor to manage his crime enterprises with his fellow underworld colleague.

Well, maybe I should let Dragos to gather his friends and then use the spore to convert them all, must be nice to have his buddies all synchronized with him under one hive mind, right?

[little-miss-fandom-freak]

could you do Dr phosphorus x former justice league member reader who feels betrayed by them simply because they were falsely accused without hearing them out

Oooooo LOVE IT

Dr. Phosphorus X Former Hero!Reader

You found yourself resting on the one if the many balconies looking over the palace grounds. The sun casted a beautiful array of warm colors as it began to set; your team was below, drinking and partying with the guards of the palace. It was almost sweet seeing them all enjoy themselves, it almost reminded you of your old team...

You were snapped out of your depressive thoughts at the sound of light footsteps behind you.

"Not a fan of the festivities, babe?" The gravelly voice spoke behind you. You could feel Phosphorus' heat radiate off of him as he sat down beside you.

You shrugged as you picked at the chipping paint of the balcony railing. "I've got a lot on my mind..."

Phosphorus pulled a metal flask from his coat pocket and handed to you. "Care to share with the group?"

You smiled softly as you took the flask; the heat from his hands burned the metal, but didn't bother you in the slightest. You took a small sip as you debating on what to say.

With a sigh, you handed back the flask before you spoke. "I was just... thinking about my old team."

"The Justice League?" You nodded, your gaze turning to the team below. Phosphorus took note of your gaze before he chugged some of the alcohol. "It's funny, we've been together almost as long as you've been in Belle Reve, and you've never said what really went down that day."

"You never asked." You shot back.

He chuckled. "Guess I didn't... Do you want to talk about it?"

You closed your eyes, trying hard not to lose control at the memories. "We were on a mission in France... some terrorist group tried to blow up the Eiffel Tower. We stopped them, of course, but when I was trying to save a group of citizens I... I dropped one..." Tears threatened to spill from you eyes as you held back your sobs. "She was just a kid and-and I tried to save her but I... I didn't make it..."

Phosphorus was silent, letting you have your moment of peace. You sniffed as you tried to clear up your tears. "According to eye witnesses, I purposely dropped her. The jury didn't believe me, the judge didn't believe me, hell, even my own team didn't try to believe me. So here I am."

Phosphorus clenched his fist as he tried to keep calm. "But it was a mistake, why didn’t your team defend you?"

You let out a pitiful laugh. "When half the world is already against heroes, they'll do anything to see us behind bars. The Justice League couldn't handle any more controversy, so it was just easier to put me away than fight for my freedom. I don't really blame them-"

"Well I do!" He exclaimed, startling you. "Look if that League of Ass-Clowns can't defend one of their own, then some team they are. You'd never see anyone in this team not defending one of our own. What a bunch of bitches..." He sighed as he held your hand and pulled you twords him. "You shouldn't even be here. You didn't deserve it. We're all scum, we're monsters. But you... you're innocent."

You shook your head. "It was just fate."

Phosphorus rolled his metaphorical eyes as he groaned. "There you go with that fate bullshit again."

You chuckled. "What? I've had literal gods and aliens on my team. At this point, fate is all I can trust." You gently rested your head on his clothed shoulder, looking out at the sunset. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Why?" He asked softly. "You could be free right now, living a normal life. Instead you're stuck here, with us freaks."

"It's because of you "freaks". I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't ended up in here."

Phosperpus took in your words, letting them sink in as wondered how lucky he was. Not only did he find love again, but it was with someone who looked past the green flames and saw the man beneath. You never saw him as a monster, only a man.

He placed a small "kiss" on your head and leaned his head against your own. The two of watched as the sun slowly casted a shadow over the land.

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I hope you enjoyed this and if you have anything you would like me to personally respond to, message me or put it in my ask box because as of right now, Tumblr won't let me respond to comments :)