#just wanted to check in after months and im so????
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and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start
#nobody talk to me i am so fucking IN AGONY#HEAD IN HANDS. AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY???????#jinx#jinx arcane#powder#powder arcane#arcane#arcane spoilers#im afraid i have to admit guys i just stopped watching after this episode. it was so fucking (bitter) sweet and by far the happiest#i've ever been post-arcane-episode#god!!!!!!! i don't want to ruin the high!!!! and i don't want to see everyone start fucking suffering for their lives again !!!!!#in my defense i finished at like 8 am after not sleeping all night so. i was also tired. but now after waking up#i just don't want to continue Even More o777#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#idk how fast people usually watch episodes so i'm mass tagging even more than usual#god fucking. aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#time taken on this like 3-4 hrs#in my current state of mind (completely off my rocker abt this show) i can probably fuel like Months worth of fanart#from just this one episode. sooooo what if i just never watched the rest fhhggggskfjnfnfnfndjsjd#nah i know i'm gonna end up watching it. eventually. soon probably but idk how soon. anyways. peace out guys. live laugh love 😭😭😭😭😭#my art#the funny thing about this is that i drew it facing the opposite way and then flipped it to check and never. flipped it back.#uhhhhh. don't worry about it
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Aaron Hotchner - Reckless
summary - you disobey hotch's orders, which results in a very heated argument between the two of you in his office.
warnings - hotch is not with haley, mentions of fire, mentions of guns, slight mentions of violence, confessing (u have to rlly squint to see it)
Main Masterlist Aaron Hotchner Masterlist
a/n - hiya girlies! i have only just realised how gorgeous hotch actually is, so i wanted to write this before i get writer's block becos i just know im gonna get it at some point. ta ta my lovelies! requests r open! xx
aaron hotchner x fem!reader
I never thought I had fit in with the BAU, albeit I had only been part of the team for 2 months, everyone just had that connection. And I didn't. I hated it, I always cracked jokes, tried to lighten the mood. Sometimes they laughed, but one person who never even smiled was Aaron Hotchner.
We were working a case down in Vidalia, Georgia. There was a serial killer who targeted blonde girls aged between 5 and 8. This guy was good. He never left the crime scene messy, always tidied up after himself without leaving a trace of evidence.
But around a day ago, he had slipped up. He left a picture of a house with a family of four in front of it. A mother, father, teenage boy and a little girl who looked around 6 or 7 years old. It had a date on the back of it - 14th June 1988.
This was big, the UnSub could be one of the men in this picture, we assume the teenage boy.
"They're the O'Driscolls. Tragic what happened to them." One of the local police say as they look over my shoulder at the picture.
"You knew of them?" I turned to the police officer and raised a brow. She nodded her head with a sad look on her face.
"Yeah, I was friends with the little girl, Frankie. Her older brother, Jack, always creeped me out. Always stayed to himself, barely came out of his room. And when he did, he'd bully Frankie." She shivered as she recalled the memory of them.
"Then the fire happened. All of them except Jack died, he got put in the foster system and no one has seen him since. Except around a week ago. He looked pretty angry." I furrowed my brows at the woman.
"And you didn't think to inform us?" Aaron then made his way over to us and took the picture from my hands.
"Can you tell us where he lives? Or where we could possibly find him?" The woman nodded then told Hotch that he had a shack he used to go to as a kid about 3 miles West from where we were.#
We immediately headed to the shack, put bullet-proof vests on and split up to go through different entrances to check the shack. I booted the door in before Hotch signaled for us to and pointed my gun at Jack as soon as I saw him.
"FBI! Get down on the ground and put your hands on you head!" Jack did as he was told, and I cuffed him after. I turned to see Hotch giving me the dirtiest glare I had ever seen. I was going to get rinsed when we get back to Quantico.
We took him in for questioning, we only had 72 hours to prove that he was guilty. We tried and tried but he wouldn't break. Until we had 30 minutes of the 72 hours left. I then went into the interrogation room where he was and showed him the picture. His body language immediately changed.
"You know what I think Jack?" I raised my brows at him, using a condescending tone.
"What?" Jack replied in a monotone voice, he leaned back in his chair and sighed in annoyance.
"I think you were jealous of your little sister. As soon as she was born, you hated her because all the attention shifted from you to her. Mummy and Daddy didn't care about you anymore. And because you were so angry about this, you started the fire that killed your family. You ended up in the foster system, and eventually ended back where you started." Jack suddenly became angry. His nostrils flared, jaw clenched, fists tightly clenched, eyes squinting and glaring right at me.
"Shut. Up." His breathing became jagged. His brows furrowed and raised and he purses his lips.
"And when all your memories started to come back you got angry from the memory of your parents and little sister. So you used all these little girls as a substitute for your sister. And you have the buried underneath the shack we found you in!" Jack slammed his hands down on the table and stood up. He leaned slightly closer to me.
"They're not buried under the shack! They're under my mom and dad's house!" He spat at me quicker than he could stop himself. I smirked at him and crossed my arms.
"Thank you." I looked to the mirror in the interrogation room to which I know Hotch was behind the whole time.
I walked out of the interrogation room and burst into the room. They were all astonished, we hadn't gotten anything out of him in nearly the whole 3 days we held him.
"Good job." Aaron said monotonously. He was still pissed. We then processed him and everyone got on the jet back home.
The ride home was silent, everyone could tell Hotch was pissed. This wasn’t good. Not only did I already not fit in, Hotch was pissed with me now.
——————————————————————————
I was sat in Hotch’s office. He told me to wait there while he sorted some things out. I was nervous. I started biting the skin off my lips, twirling my hair and tapping my foot on the floor.
My body stiffened and breath caught in my throat when I heard the door open then close shut. Was he going to shout? Suspend me? Fire me? All these questions running through my head, but he hadn't said a word when he sat down in his chair.
All he did was glare. Eyebrows knit together, mouth straight, nostrils relaxed. He wasn't pleased with me at all. I'm surely fucked now.
"How stupid are you?" My jaw went slack. I've never heard him speak like this to anyone in the team before after they disobeyed orders.
"How stupid do you have to be to go guns blazing into a house with a potential serial killer inside and just hope for him to not attack you straight away? Why do you have to be so reckless?" Tears began to brim my eyes, I haven't been shouted at like this since high school.
"Well?!" He stood up and placed his hands on the desk. His glare pointing straight at me. I didn't know what to say. My mouth kept opening and closing, every time I thought of what to say but dismissed it as it wouldn't diffuse the situation.
"I'm sorry, sir. It was a spur of the moment. It will not happen again." I looked down at my palms, picking the skin at my fingernails. I began to tap my foot on the floor faster, get more and more anxious. I only did it to prove myself to the team. I didn't mean to cause any harm.
"What if he had shot you? Stabbed you? Set a trap? You would've been seriously hurt and I don't know what I'd do if-" He stopped himself dead in his tracks. He straightened his posture and his mouth was in a very tight straight line. I looked up to him, confusion painted on my face.
"What?" The tears began to stop, I realised he actually cares about me. I never suspected he actually did.
"I care for every member of my team. It wouldn't be good if you had gotten hurt. You need to be more careful. You may leave now." I hesitated for a second, wanting to ask him what he meant exactly. But instead I nodded my head, got up and walked out of the office.
Aaron Hotchner, the guy who never smiles, cares about me?
#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fic#criminal minds#bau team#aaron hotchner#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#criminal minds fandom
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wtf happened w tumblr lol it's all over the place
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Gonna cover the boyfriend so he doesn't get cold and snork mimimimimimimimimi in peace :3
Plugging my commission info here heehee ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
Anyway alt version without bg undercut heehee
I personally prefer the blank black bg since it looks cleaner to me tbh hshdjskskslal
#i am returning back to my roots of simplifying stuff i cant go back#okay maybe i will go back after this of course but dhdjakakq im busy with intern this month and I just want to be able-#to draw and paint fast so like im gonna do more of this in this style and maybe play around more with colors heehee#okay i will go to sleep now its like uhhhh //checks clock#4 am here wtf?#glad i can go to work late tomorrow akdjdksosmsksoq okay i sleep snork mimkmimimimimimimimimimi#asukart#selfship#selfshipping#selfship art#self insert#self insert art#self insert oc#self insert community#selfship community#oc x canon#ppg professor#professor utonium
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The Healthcare horrors persist
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#Updates on this whole mess:#Im insured under my dad#he has Healthcare option 1 which is government provided since he is retired millitary and option 2 due to his new job#after his retirement option 1 went funky for me and changed things around meaning i was no longer able to be seen by my pcp#Im also unable to log in to any of my accounts for 1 so im not sure whats going on there and what plan of 1 i have specifically#so i switched to a new pcp which accepted option 2 (which was super hard to find) literally last week#made an appointment with her for next month so i can finally get answers about my funky blood test results#(which is still don't know what specifically is wrong with it! for all i know i could just have high cholesterol-#or i could have markers for rheumatoid arthritis instead of my prior fibromyalgia diagnosis!)#(i also do not get refils for my anxiety medication until i have an appointment with my new doctor)#crisis averted right? WRONG!#I just got a call from my Dad saying he is switching jobs so I am no longer insured under 2#meaning...#1) i need to call option 1 and figure out how to get into my accounts and what my insurance is#2) check that this pcp acceprs said insurance#3) find yet another pcp if she doesnt and make an appointment for god knows when#and here is the kicker:#since option 1 is government and millitary based it is going to take FOREVER to get anything done#And Im not sure if they are going to want me to renew my millitary dependent ID or not#because that shit is EXPIRED and i was under the impression i can no longer renew it due to his retirement#but also in order to make any acoount with option 1 they require a benefits number which expires alongside the ID#Then on the other side of things i also have my wisdom teeth surgery to schedule (through my mom thank god)#and school starting again in a few weeks#going to defenestrate myself istg
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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art for @beanenchilada‘s epistolary ferol fic “Messenger Pigeons at the End of the World“ which i dearly love
#friends at the table#fatt#seasons of hieron#hieron#fero feritas#samol#ferol#i had the idea A Day after i read that fic (dec 16th or so) and made the sketch but then uuuhh secsam hit me full force#so im happy to finally 1) draw something else after chipping away at the same drawing for a month and 2) finish this!!!#i also really wanted to post this before secsam on sunday lol#rosa art#?my art tag.#anyways i care fero & samol so much and the fic really gets their voices right & the way they care about each other. check it out!!!!#id add detail shots of the small panels but its almost 1am. just zoom in..... please....#i like how this turned out.
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who made the mtt. and no i dont mean like who made the CONCEPT of the murder time trio (because i know who that is. touken kamui i thank you for the fangame every day :3) but like,,,, who decided to just randomly pair these 3 together?? like whaaaat.......
part of me wants to believe it was rahafwabas with the whole bad sanses group thingy being made with those 3 in there and then like. the fangame just gave them specifically a seperate group name. but STILL,,,,, where did this trio come from
#so rain of dust got a reboot a couple of months ago and now triple the insanity did too#and my newest favorite detail in the video is that theres a section where dust and killer's sprites are#glitching out. wanna know why??? BECAUSE HORROR GOT DELETED MTT BETTA THEY ALWAYS TOGETHER#insanity is just a horror replacement i fear i dont understand at all why he's even in the trio#WHY IS IT A TRIO. IF THERE'S A SUPPOSED FOURTH. THATS A SQUAD BRO#istg he was just added there for like shock factor or smth bc horror wasn't powerful enough to keep up#it saddens me so much to have him here but also that means it saddens kist as well :3#and killer and dust's sprites are red while insanity's is purple#YOU WILL NEVER BE HIM INSANITY!!!! YOU WILL NEVER BE HORROR I FEAR#idc what anyone says idc how many people shit on the mtt fangsme concept i LOVE IT#its like one of the few mtt content i get that doesnt involve nightmare#like. ok. bad sanses cool. i however could not give two shits about the oil monstrosity and cross#please i need my own little seperate island to myself where only i get to enjoy the mtt reboot songs#cycle of endless death against a common foe. they HAVE to learn how to work together no matter what#its not like they can just give up (looking at you horror) because the human will keep on killing again and again#waaait waaaaait in an mtt fangame dynamic horror would also experience the genocides :3 awww shared truama :3#isnt it so badass that horror literally had to get DELETED because he couldnt die and therefore the human got mad#ok fine maybe im glad theres at least a reason my boy got removed from the trio but still#the human can kill dust and killer as many times as they want. the other two will keep trying to stop them bc of dt#but horror CANT die. theres no fun in that. and one day he'll just give up. that's not amusing at all#i find it nice. a cute little parallel between the 3 :3 now horror gets his own personal genocidal human experience#man the mtt fangame human is smart asf like. DAMN. i forgot bro could just erase the trio#anyways i think that it's a good concept IDC. why are they stuck in the endless loop of human kill human reset? idk lemme check#i forgot that gaster was involved in this fuckass au LMAO but at least he's not THAT involved. more like a background character#the satsujinki was created only for murder. does it have any other thoughts? any other wants and needs? i love it so much my baby#and then the phase after that just consists of my trio emptily operating off the faintest instincts they have#after all this time spent together fighting do they not instinctually long for eachother?#me imagining these empty husks to hold hands and hug. as if theyd only truly be able to coexist peacefully with their minds lost#but at least theyre together. at least theyre always together forever :3 even if they don't know anything else#tricule rant
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no cos now I'm paranoid like trying to calculate the last time I could possibly have been at risk and the last time I was tested and whether or not that is accurate enough for the test I took
#it says like ag/ab blood tests are accurate around 45 days and i got one like 38 days so like idk#i can get another one in November tho#like it says 18-45 days it should be able to detect hmmm... but it also says to retest after so#yeah idk i feel pretty okay with the negative but probably gonna double check#but ughh why did she have to bring it up bc now im gonna be scared#👁️#its be literally nearly 3 months since ive been with anyone and i kinda just want peace of mind about everything
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whew haha
#🗒#my mom is like 'ok it's set let's tell everyone' and im like 😭😭😭😭 !!!!!#are u sure!!!! are u sure it's set like ???? 😭😭😭#ughhhhhh after this much trust i will literally kill myself if i dont get ANY scholarship lmaooooo#but also like. is it set now!!!! really !!!!!!! is it !!!!!#(excited but horrified and anxious)#like. like like like........ like i mean#um........ for real now? like are we sure for sure ??#i honestly will be like 100% on my way to [redacted] and still be like haha. is it for real#are we sure . will this actually happen#that's. crazy man#i cant help but feel like im asking for too much again. ughhhhhhh#yes hello hi. this blog has been my main outlet for emotional breakdowns about the same subject for um#(checks notes) a few months now. truly is anyone else bored of this ? because im so over it#but also like. things just dont get clear !!!!!! ever !!!!!#how can i be sure how can anyone be sure that i will actually be going lmfaooooo#i hate this waiting period i hate it why cant i know if i got anything or nah. but please don't say nah#ughhhhhh . alright. whatever it's not like i care that much honestly -_-#(threatens to kill self every day a few times over this btw)#anyway um let's. be positive#it will go great tomorrow 🤩 they will want to give me money sooooo bad 😍#and i will receive an email this week 🤗 about the wait list thing for SURE 🥳#i am doing amazing dont worry guys. im sooooo chill rn#Sorry for the constant embarrassing personal posts lol
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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mhm
#im trying to test something#i want to know how long the tags can go on#i can always check on google but thats no fun#...#so uh...#nice weather were having...#...yeah..#look idk what to talk about i didnt think this idea through#um#shit idk dude#so uh im just laying in bed rn i guess#its 2:14 am#thinking abt uh#i dont know i dont think a lot#frambling...?#yea i should add that#oh yea i should probably answer asks after this#i have like a bunch of answered asks in my drafts collecting dust i just dont know when to post them#like i added context bc theyve been there since last month#i just woke up but im sleepy again.....#chronic fatigue lets fucking go#i should probably get that checked#oh yea so i keep forgeting to take my pills since last month and i didnt know what they were but my cousin told me they were vitamin b12?#its for low blood pressure#it kinda explains why whenever i stand up too fast i feel like fainting#one time i almost did#i really need to remember to take them...#jesus how long can this go fucking hell im running out of things to say#what if theres no limit and im just wasting my time#ive successfully spent 6 minutes typing random anecdotes
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okay so my ex bsf wants to meet tomorrow and i haven't decided if i should meet her yet. what should i dom
#i approacbed after seeing her sad posts#so she was like i had a few depressing months and stuff and im stable now#and said she wanted to meet#i didnt confirmed as i am super busy this whole month okay#but now its tomorrow and i cabt decide#but one thing thats hurting me is that she never checked up on me as i did to her last week#she saw all the sad substacks and poems but never asked how i was#idk if she knows but i was literally diagnosed with depression#my parents took me to a psychiatrist and they would never do that if i wasnt like me#yk how desi parents are#they think you are just sad or lazy but i was so bad that they finally pieced it together#and she never contacted me in 6 whole months#i always ask her how she is
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resisting the urge to buy weights rn. i need to go bear mode.
#ive been looking forward to it but uh im a lil twig rn because i forget to eat...and ive just been getting skinnier because of it >_<#optimus encouraging me to eat more and workout heheheee#if im being honest ive only been into transformers for like. 1 and a half months at most and the franchise has done more good for me than#anything else ive been interested#tho i will not ignore how woy influenced me tho. hes one of the reasons ive chosen kindness and patience. but hehe. op has encouraged me to#also be kind. but also not take shit and eat better and work out. and also..influenced me to take a stance on whether i want kids or not#if im being honeessstt i think fnaf may have damaged me most? actually maybe not most but i just. was really possessive of things and#got very anxious when anyone else even mentioned it#anyways i found a set from 4 to 80 pounds for 40 bucks and its a deal for only 2 days and i have like.#$115 in my checkings right now but also like. id like to wait until after chuck e cheese hires me...i have so much confidence they will put#also. let me hold out. but ALSO my therapist DID change our appointments from every other week to only 2 sessions per month. heh. maybe she#thinks im doing well. but also i did get a bit of money from the last 2 fucking weeks where i was scheduled only once so i could just use#That money.
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Sometimes. Impulse purchases. Can be so personal.
#speculation nation#im working basically full time. 6 days a week. i deserve to treat myself.#mayhaps i bought a bootleg print of the entire trigun manga...#KIND OF on impulse but ive spent months going 'i want this manga so bad'. so.#i did my research bought from a well reviewed seller checked up on the bootleg company (apparently they print good quality)#was this a wise purchase? not necessarily. but id have enough for rent after this Even Without the next payday b4 then#so like. it's fine. im just gonna cut down on buying merch for.. a bit.#I DESERVE THIS OK... + since im taking the semester off ill have more money anyways :p#i probably will buy the official reprints as they come out too. already did buy the first thing right when it was announced#but that wont be out until DECEMBERRRRR & who knows how long for the rest of them#i want them NOW 😠😠😠😠😠#well. theyll be here in a week or two. i will definitely post about them when they arrive lol#it's stressful to spend this much money. but it's still much less than a resale of the official print!!!! so It's Fine#i wanna own all of my fav mangas. this will make all 3 of them that i own the entireties of.#i'll be much more excited once the money disappears from my brain lol.#and the Longing Is Intense......
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Ever listen to a song you've heard a thousand times, but suddenly one of the lyrics just jumps out and gut punches you from nowhere?
#yeahhh#ivy hurt me today#id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time#pLEASE im emotional enough today#taylor swift#anyways in keeping with tradition the tags are now my diary#ex texted last night really messed up over something#based on the past month of radio silence im ASSUMING they were dating again and it ended badly#but anways they would give me details even though they reached out to me#so i texted their sister to do a check in#which shes doing so all is fine he'll have support#but like.. i want to be there for him#even after everything hes one of the best friends I've had#but he wont let me be there for him for this#which if it was a relationship thing i get#but like now all i know is that my friend is hurting and theres nothing i can do#it wouldn't eve be the first time i gave him relationship advice#back when we were on again off again before getting serious we talked about shit all the time#but its different now and im having trouble accepting that#my love isnt conditional on it being a romantic relationship i just want to be there but all i can do is respectfully stay out of it#and i hate that so much#also doesnt help ive been struggling with feeling distant from everyone in general#so now thats compounded
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