#just the other day re: the last on land Album recording so like

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of iconis songs, been Don't Ya Make Me Ask Ya Twice and Turkey Leg lines having a tendency to loop in my head

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Ch. 3)

Chapter 3: Scorpions

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 3.5K+

Warning(s): insecurities and discussion of insecurities, angst, someone's rude to MC :( (None of the guys), slight hurt/comfort, dumbdumbs in love but dont realize each others feelings

A/N: Here is chapter 3. I think this one is the second hardest to write (The fourth chapter is kicking my ass rn). I'm not sure how I am feeling about this chapter? I had like three/four different ideas for it. Sooo I did a 'spin the wheel' and went with what it landed on for this lol. I feel like this is the weakest chapter but it has some charm. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy <3

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

Series Masterlist | Navigation

"I can't tell her, Woo." Seonghwa sighed.

Wooyoung nearly ripped out his hair at the very similar phrase he has heard you tell him before. The others all groaned as they lounged around in the recording room, 10 minutes before they needed to start recording and re-recording lines for their last song on the next album.

It was now February, two months since Seonghwa figured out his feelings towards you that night you fell asleep on video call. He immediately told Wooyoung the next day he had been right and ever since then, the younger has been trying to push Hwa into confessing. He even tried assuring the older male that you most likely returned his feelings without giving away you told Wooyoung you developed a crush on Hwa just a few days before Hwa told him.

Woo's mind thought back to his conversation with you a week ago.

"I don't think he likes me like that, Woo. No matter how much you tell me." He heard you say with a dejected tone through the call. He had snuck away on his own during practice, having the choreography down before the others. "I mean, I met him as a fan. I don't want him to think I offered him to sell turnips for this outcome."

"I don't think he assumes any ulterior motives, (Y/N)." He said softly. "He speaks fondly of you."

"And that's another thing. He is Seonghwa. He is the super kind, very lovable, handsome, and talented guy who loves to mimic his villagers, build Legos, and is an all around great person. It's hard not to fall in love with him... and then there is me. The average looking, college student working at the local bookstore. I feel so inadequate-"

"Hey. Don't speak like that about yourself." He scolded, his tone and facial expression serious. "You are amazing. You are beautiful. You've been a great friend and we all deeply appreciate and love you."

"Sorry." You sigh. "I just... I want to believe you, but it's hard, you know?"

"I get it, I do. Just... keep thinking on it, okay?" Wooyoung smiled sadly. He could see the self-doubt was still eating at you and his words didn't fully penetrate the self-conscious wall you built up. He just hoped you'd keep holding out long enough for him to try and push Seonghwa into confessing.

"Okay, why not then?" Yuhno asked, exasperated.

"It's clear she only views me as a friend. And I am fine with that."

"You don't know that for sure, hyung." San offered a kind smile.

"Are you guys sure (Y/N) likes me like that?" Hwa gave them each a pointed look. Everyone tried arguing that it was clear to them you did, though the only one who knew for sure was Wooyoung. "I... I truly come to appreciate her and every time we speak I feel like I am falling further and further for her. She is sweet, funny, gorgeous, and I feel my heart is always about to burst when talking with her..."

"He's a love sick puppy." Yeosang teased, making everyone chuckle. The eldest's face adorned a bright blush but he made no attempt argue against the notion.

"It's adorable seeing you crush so hard on someone, hyung." Mingi cooed.

"Why not try and talk to her now? It should be..." Hongjoong looked at the time, seeing that it was nearly 10am for them. "... about 6pm for her. Try gauging her feelings for you and bring up wanting her to visit next month for her spring break."

"I don't know..." The eldest unlocked his phone and had your contact pulled up. Wooyoung immediately moved spots and sat next to Seonghwa.

"Seonghwa-hyung, just go for it. We are all here cheering you on." Jongho smiled softly and the others nodded in agreement.

"And its not like your confessing now either. We've told you the signs, now watch for them." Wooyoung added. The others decided to join in on the call, hoping to catch anything that gave away you had feelings for their friend.

Seonghwa took in a deep breath before slowly exhaling as he pressed the call button. He felt two large hands on both shoulders pat him and give a firm squeeze as he slowly extended his arm to make sure everyone could be visible to some extent. He felt anxiety building up with each ring, waiting anxiously for you to pick up.

They all smile when you finally pick up. You were sitting at your desk, adding what looked like the finishing touches of your makeup on your face. You looked at the camera with a small smile before you looked down, picking up a tube of lipstick.

"Hello boys. Usually you text me before you start a call. What's going on?" You ask, eyes flickering to the phone again before you focus on your hand mirror.

Seonghwa felt Wooyoung nudge him off camera. "I wanted to check in on you, (Y/N), and they all decided to join me."

"Aw, really?" Your face seemingly brightened at the fact and the eldest could feel Jongho on his left excitedly tap his leg.

"Compliment her, Hwa." Hongjoong hissed into his ear, a toothy grin was on his face as an attempt to mask any suspicion.

"Did one of you say something?"

"O-oh it must of cut out." Seonghwa nervously chuckled. "I said you look amazing. Is there a special occasion going on?"

You got a bit bashful and smiled, though everyone could tell it didn't fully reach your eyes. "I got asked out on a date."

Seonghwa felt like he was punched in the gut.

But his face remained soft with a smile.

"Really? Who is the person?" He asked, his voice steady.

The others eyed him in concern but did their best to mask it while on video.

"His name is Charlie. He is in my English course this semester. We worked on some in-class assignments together a few times before he asked me out today."

"I'm happy to hear. Well, we better get going. We are about get to recording." Hongjoong could pick up some shakiness in Hwa's voice. "Have fun and please periodically message me, just to give me peace of kind on your safety."

"Thank you, Seonghwa, and I will." You gave them a wave goodbye before hanging up the phone.

It was silent in the room. Seonghwa slowly lowered his arm, resting his phone and hands in his laps. The smile he had dropped just as slowly as he took in a deep, trembling breath.

"Hwa, are you okay?" Hongjoong hesitated, placing his hand on his friends shoulder.

"Yes. I'm fine, Joong." He asserted, getting up from the couch.

"Are you sure?" San asked.

Languidly, the eldest turned to face the rest. Their breaths caught in their throats. His eyes were full of tears, his lips were quivering as he still maintained his smile.

"I told you guys I am just a friend to her. And I will be fine with that." He sniffled, one tear rolling down his cheek. He hastily wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. "Please, lets drop it and get work done today."

"Of course, hyung." Yuhno spoke with a comforting voice and stood up, wrapping an arm around the older males shoulders. "Lets grab some waters together." Carefully, the taller of the two led Hwa out of the room. The second the door closed, everyone exhaled.

"Maybe...Maybe we were wrong." Jongho mumbled.

"No we weren't." Wooyoung insisted, pulling out his phone.

"Wooyoung-" San tried to speak but the younger male kept talking.

"We weren't! (Y/N) told me herself she likes Seongwa!" The others watched as he called you, pressing speakerphone.

The phone rung a few times when they hear the line click.

"It's just me, (Y/N)." Woo gave the others a look to be quiet. "What was that? What do you mean date?"

"Exactly that, Youngie." You sighed, your voice sounding as if it lacked any confidence.

"But you like Seonghwa... You love him."

"... I do." The others in the room looked at each other in shock, their eyes wide.

"Then why did you agree to the date, (Y/N)?"

There was a moment of tense silence before you spoke again, starting your sentence off with a sniffle.

"Because I can't logically believe he likes me the same way. He just see's me as a friend and I just feel so inadequate to be on any level with him." You faltered. "I don't have any particular feelings for Charlie but I... I just wanted to try to get over loving Hwa."

"(Y/N)..."

"I need to get going Woo. I'll... message you tomorrow." Before he could say anything more you hung up.

The room was just as tense as before. No one knew what to say. Wooyoung pressed his lips tightly together as he kept his own tears at bay. When they heard the door open everyone else started getting up and getting ready to start recording. Seonghwa looked to have calmed down. Wooyoung refused to look at his oldest hyung until he could calm down.

---

After the video call with Ateez and the call with Wooyoung, you decided to try to to push any negative thought aside and finish getting ready. You put together a outfit that wasn't too fancy but still looked nice. You styled your hair the way you liked most for things like this. Overall, despite the heavy heart, you felt cute. You left your place with an Uber, figuring you may have something alcoholic to drink, with enough time to get to the restaurant on time, sending a message to Seonghwa letting him know you were heading there...

You glanced at the clock on your phone for the umpteenth time. It had been an hour since your uber dropped you off at the restaurant, 50 minutes since you were sat down at a table, and 35 minutes since that sinking feeling in your gut that you had been stood up started kicking in.

You sighed dejectedly as you finished paying for the meal you ordered. You may have been stood up but you weren't going to let that stop you from a nice meal. Luckily your waitress was kind and nobody paid you much mind. You felt that any pity sent your way would make you feel worse.

You slowly walked outside the restaurant, your phone out as you get ready to order another uber, when you heard loud cackling. Your head turned to the left and just a few cars down in the parking lot was Charlie in a car full of people. They were all laughing and looking at you.

It felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over you.

Ignoring them and the button to confirm the uber, you started walking in the direction of your apartment. You needed to get away. You could feel your chest tightening with humiliation and panic.

"Oh come on, (Y/N). It was a joke!" You heard Charlie yell but you just kept walking. You heard the car roar with life and could hear from their rolled down window various jokes directed at you.

They all cackled and decided that was enough teasing. Charlie then nearly squealed his tires as he drove away. The tears you kept at bay finally spilled over. You hiccupped as you glanced down at your phone. It was 8pm for you, which meant it would be around noon for him.

You didn't think, really. You just knew you needed to hear his low toned, comforting voice. You opened your phone and immediately dialed Seonghwa, pressing your cell to your ear as you walked back to your place. You felt pathetic but you knew you needed to speak to someone or else you would be a sobbing mess if you were left to stew.

---

It was lunch time in the canteen area at KQ when Seonghwa heard his phone ring. His brows furrowed when he saw your name on the screen. He finished his last bite and quickly wiped off any possible crumbs on his hands with a napkin.

"Didn't she leave for her date like an hour ago?" Mingi tilted his head, everyone else had a confused look.

Seonghwa pressed the green answer button and raised his phone to his ear.

"(Y/N)?" His voice with smooth and low. "You're calling me so soon-"

"Seonghwa..." He heard your voice trembling, making him freeze. His face must of gave away to the others something was wrong, as they stared at him intently.

"Hold on, (Y/N). Let me go somewhere private." He quickly got up fron his seat and wasted no time getting into the hallway where there were less people. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"I-I got stood up." You sniffled.

"What?"

"I sat there for an hour looking like a fool. And then... And then I went to leave and I saw him outside in his car with his friends." Seonghwa could feel his blood start to boil with anger. "They laughed at me. They made fun of me." He could hear you take in a shuddering breath.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm walking home..."

"How long until you get back?"

"Maybe... Maybe 10 or 15 more minutes?"

"Stay on the phone with okay? I want to make sure you get home safe." He needed to take deep breaths to stay calm. In the corner of his eye he saw the others leave the canteen, though they stayed back, giving him and you some privacy.

"I just don't get what I did wrong to-"

"You did nothing wrong, (Y/N). Don't start blaming yourself for some asshole's behavior." He glanced to his friends, feel a pinch of confidence. "You are a wonderful person. It's his loss."

There was silence for a moment.

"Did I interrupt work?" You asked in a small voice.

"No, I was just finishing lunch. Did you eat?"

"I had something small after I realized he wasn't showing up." Hwa felt some relief when he heard your voice getting steady. "I'll probably have some ice cream when I get home."

"It better not be mint chocolate chip." He joked and smiled when he heard you giggle. "You really did look amazing, by the way. You should send me and the group chat any selfies if you took any. I'm sure the others would like to see the full look."

"Really?" Your voice was meek.

"I would never lie to you... You truly look beautiful. You always do."

"Thank you, Hwa. I really needed to hear that, especially from you." He could hear your voice tremble again.

"Don't start crying because of me, jagiya." He gently teased, the petname slipping out seamlessly.

"Where are the others?"

"They are watching me down the hallway I'm in." He looked over and saw that they were still there. Wooyoung, San, and Jongho kept their eyes on him while the others were looking at their phones, occasionally looking back at the eldest.

"Am I keeping-"

"I want to be talking with you. They can all wait." Seonghwa huffed, which pulled a giggle from you. He was glad he was able to get you to cheer up, even if it was a miniscule amount. "They are very concerned for you though."

"You can tell them what happened. Woo will bug me when he can until I tell him."

"He is good at that isn't he?"

"Too good." You snort.

There was another moment of silence before Hwa spoke again.

"How close are you to home?"

"Uh..." You pause. "I'm pretty close. I'm passing the park thats nearby. I'll probably be there in two minutes."

"Good." He hummed. "I'm glad you called me."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Besides enjoying the sound of your voice, I am glad you felt comfortable enough during this vulnerable time to reach out to me. It warms my heart."

"I'm glad you answered."

"For you? Always. Well, unless I am on stage or Joong is lecturing us." He couldn't help but beam when he got you to laugh again.

"I see my apartment. I'm walking up to the door now." Hwa heard your keys jingle in your hand. "I'll let you go now. Thank you for everything, Hwa."

"It wasn't a problem at all. I'll check in on you when I have the time okay?"

"You don't have to." He faintly heard you unlocking the door and then heard the door close.

"I want to." He smiled. "Get comfortable, have that ice cream, and smile for me okay, (Y/N)? I'll talk to you soon. Have a goodnight in case you fall asleep."

"Have a good rest of your day, Hwa." There was a lingering pause before you ended the call.

Seonghwa let out a deep sigh, his face dropping into a scowl as he pocketed his phone. The rest of Ateez took that as a sign to approach him. They nearly froze when they saw the angry look on his face.

"I'm going to need one of you to stop me from buying plane tickets right now." Hwa muttered.

"What happened?"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Is (Y/N) okay?"

Were questions all asked at the same time.

"Let's get back to the recording studio first." Hongjoong offered. It took a lot of restraint for them to not run down the hallways.

The second that door closed to the studio, everyone turned to look at Seonghwa, who still looked pissed off. He sat down on the couch staring past the glass that viewed the recording booth. He needed to take a moment to calm himself down.

"Did something happen to our dear (Y/N)?" Wooyoung sat next to the older male, looking at him with desperate eyes.

"She called me crying, saying her date stood her up." Seonghwa finally spoke. Everyone let out shocked noises and some curses. "That's not even the worst of it. She said he and his friends were waiting for her to come outside to make fun of her."

Wooyoung pulled out his cellphone. "I'm buying you and I plane tickets."

"Count me in, I want to beat that guys ass for making her upset." San sat on the other side of Seonghwa.

Hongjoong quickly snatched Wooyoung's phone.

"Hey-!"

"You won't be making a spontaneous trip to her place and you all are definitely not going off to fight this guy." He said, using his captain voice.

"Come on, hyung. It'll be worth it." Jongho tried bargaining but quickly stopped at the look he got from their leader.

"Seonghwa." Seonghwa's attention was on Hongjoong's face after he called his name. "You already did most of your recording today. Unless you want to hang out with those who still need to record and need to re-record, or do some choreography practice with Yuhno, you should head back to the dorm and spend some time with (Y/N)."

"Thank you, Joong." Seonghwa smiled and gathered his belongings.

"We want to spend time with her too." Wooyoung whined.

"Too bad. You're assisting Yuhno after you re-record your lines." The eldest male smiled at his friends playful banter as he left the room.

He quickly fished out his cell and called you as he walked down the hallway. He was heading to his managers office to get home. He wasn't entirely sure if he had the confidence to confess right now, nor did he want to spring on a confession to you after the night you had... but he wanted to let you know he would be there for you. That he would never let you feel less than or alone. That stupid guy lost his chance and Hwa wanted to be the one treasure you. He was going to confess and tonight would be the start to his plan to do so.

"Seonghwa?" Your voice sounded confused when you quickly answered.

"Hongjoong is giving me the rest of the day off. Do you want to watch a movie with me? Or we can play Animal Crossing? Whatever you want, I want to do it with you." He took in a deep breath. "I'll even pick up mint chocolate chip ice cream and we can eat it together."

You laughed. "Sure, I would love that."

There was a pause in the conversation. Seonghwa was now waiting in front of the manager's office.

"I have a question for you, (Y/N)." He wanted to wait for later to ask his question but Seonghwa felt he had the confidence to ask now.

"What is it?"

"You said you took time off work for your spring break next month, right?"

"Yes, I have the Friday before that week off to Monday after it. Why do you ask?"

"Come visit me." He was shocked he got it out.

"What?"

"Come to Korea and visit me. I'll help pay for the flight and you can stay with us at the dorm. Is the issue with your passport?"

"My passport is fine." You sighed and took a moment before speaking again. "Are you sure, Hwa? Are the others okay with that? What about-"

"Everything will be fine. The others, our manager, and I have already discussed this in length and will probably want to discuss with you later."

"Well..." You didn't speak, which had Seonghwa feeling rejection would soon follow. "I would love to."

"...Is this a yes?"

"Yes it is." You chuckled. "I've been actually thinking of planning a visit after I graduate in May, but honestly, the sooner the better."

"Make sure to message the others about this, they'll be so happy." He smiled, unable to hide his excitement. "I am about to leave the office here soon. I will call you when I am back at the dorm."

"Get back safely."

"Of course. I will talk to you soon."

"And- Fuck!" You swore loudly.

"Is something wrong?" Worry seeped into his veins at how your voice sounded.

"I got stung by scorpion while island hopping."

Taglist: @stopeatread@hee0soo@pocketjoong-reads@seonghwaddict@tridkeys

[thefrontofmymind]

Might As Well 1; You Look So Cool

matty healy x videographer!reader

wc: 4125

warnings: mentions of divorce

series masterlist

You’d always felt like a bit of an outsider in your family. The middle child–between two boys, no less–you’d always felt like you didn’t really have a place. On one side, you had Chris, the oldest, the protector of you and your mother during your parents’ bitter divorce–you were very young, so you don’t remember the entire ordeal, of course, but you’ve been told many stories of the days wanting to stay at a friend’s and the sleepless nights, listening to your parents yell and argue downstairs while you quietly sobbed in your bed. Then there’s Luke–the baby. Not only is he your mother’s youngest, he’s also your stepdad, Vern’s only child, so there’s pretty much always some kind of attention on him. And that leaves you in the middle, the blind spot in your family tree.

And for the most part, you liked it that way, you kept to yourself and was just waiting for the day you were to go off to university and leave your tiny town behind. You were a whizz at media, videos, your ticket to the big, wide world that was just begging for you to emerge into it. You’d like to think you’d make an Oscar-winning film director one day, but you know your ambitions are incredibly gargantuan. You’d be happy with an average life, a steady job at least somehow connected to your passion–an ad director, some kind of editor, you didn’t mind all that much, you just needed it to be present in your life, it’d gotten you this far as as of yet and you could never have the heart to leave it behind.

But there was always a part of you that dreamed of big things–you figured it was good to have big ambitions, that way you’d have the drive to push yourself to an acceptable degree that would land you in a job that was at least satisfactory.

All you had left was to wait. Wait until you were old enough, experienced enough, to be able to go out on your own and actually do the things you dreamed of. So you filled your time however you could, between school and it’s never ending homework, you’d take up little projects to keep your skills sharp–sometimes it was just things for yourself, like re-editing scenes from your favourite movies, reworking them to create a new feeling to it, or you’d make things for other people, just the year before your media teacher gave you the task of helping to make a new advertisement for your school, or like now–

Your older brother was right into the music scene in your town–how little it was, it wasn’t difficult to keep up with it, and everyone already knew and very likely went to school with each other–and he’d called in a favour for some of his friends that were in a band. He was hoping that when–if–they got signed for a record deal, they’d let him in on the production side of making an album with them, that was his passion. You were tasked with making a music video for them–for a song they’d just finished and their first ever recording–which Chris aided them in–and they wanted a video to go with it, to post on MySpace, you assumed.

You wanted to be on the same page with them–you wanted them to be happy, and you wanted to show your best work, you knew you’d get nowhere without an adequate portfolio. You’d agreed to meet them at the chip shop just down the road from your house, at Chris’ request, he claimed he ‘knew these kind of guys’ and ‘wanted to make sure you’d be safe’, to which you scoffed at, thinking about the fact that you’d heard gossip from the older girls at school about just what kind of guy your brother was, and he shouldn’t cast the first stone there.

It was still a little chilly, spring hadn’t quite sprung yet and the sky was still painted in a shade of dark grey–like it had been for the past four or so months. You wrapped your jacket around you tighter in hopes it’d conserve the last bit of warmth you had in you. You were already running late as it was, you didn’t have time to go all the way back to your room and get a thicker coat, you just had to grin and bear it as you swiftly walked the couple hundred metres to the small chip shop in the middle of your neighbourhood.

As you approached you saw a white panel van outside, the only car in the carpark. You recalled seeing a similar one in the carpark at school, though not for a while, not since the year before. You guessed it belonged to one of the boys in the band, one of the older ones who’d already left school. Four shaggy heads came into view through the glass front as you got closer, and they all quickly turned to face you as you entered and the bell on the door rang, announcing your presence. 

You were almost stuck in place, as the four boys stared at you. It wasn’t until Julie, behind the counter, said hello to you and asked how your mum had been–she’d been on a new diet so there’d been no chippy takeaways in your house for a couple weeks by that point.

After a quick chat, you’d grabbed a chair and sat at the booth the boys were sitting at. It was awkward, and you really wished you could’ve been anywhere but there, you decided to push through, get to know them, in hopes of creating something really cool with them.

You’d quickly gotten the lay of the land with them–Matty, the lead singer, was….well, loud is the only way you could put it, he had a lot of ideas and he seemed to be the one you was leading the pack, the front man. You’d recognised the drummer, George, he was in your year, though you had no classes with him, but you’d heard nice things about him. Adam, the guitarist, he was a couple years older than you, he seemed quite standoffish, quiet, he mostly just observed the discussion. And Ross, the bassist, he seemed very protective of the rest of them, and he didn’t really speak. It seemed like Matty was the one in charge–makes sense for a frontman–and George was not far behind him, while the other two kept them in check.

Matty had a whole list of ideas and things he wanted to include in the video. He just seemed so frantic, speaking at a million miles a minute and barely touching the food he’d ordered, while the rest of the group sat back and ate, just listening to all the references he wanted.

Their song was called ‘Robbers’, Matty explained to you that it was a dramatisation of a couple from a movie he watched. He wanted the video to be moody, with a vintage feel, and he said there was a woody field next to his house–near the outside of your small town–that he’d like to film in.

You liked the idea, it sparked your interest and you could already see it coming together in your head. You wrote out a couple dot points in the notebook you brought–which was almost completely full of any and every idea you’d had since you got it about six months before–and made sure you covered all the points that were important. You were thankful they were pretty green, there were definite blank spots in their vision that you were excited to fill. 

You sat and chatted for about an hour and a half, eating and getting to know them, while they got to know you. You learned all four of them had left school just before college–they were determined to make it as a band, and they just couldn’t wait to get there fast enough. It soon grew dark and you knew you’d be expected back home soon, all five of you left at the same time–the band piling into the white panel, which you’d learned was Matty’s, ready to go wherever the night took them.

“Are you alright getting home?” Matty asked out the driver’s window as you bid your goodbye, just as he was about to pull out of the small car park. 

“Yeah, it’s just a couple minutes down the road, I’ll be fine,” you replied, pointing in the direction of your journey, to a road with street lights few and far between.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” You didn’t want to be short with him, you just wanted to get home and start working. 

“Well we have to go down that way anyway,” he started. “So you may as well get in.”

You thought for a minute. Were you willing to get in a van with a bunch of boys? Well, they did know your brother, so if they kidnapped you for whatever reason, they’d be the prime suspects. There was a look in Matty’s eyes that bordered on…desperation? Worry? That was the nail in the coffin for you.

“Why not?”

“Great. G, open the door!” He called to the back of the van and the side door slid open to show George and Ross crouched in a gutted out interior–no seats, no kind of lining on the floor or walls, you could guess it was to transport equipment but you weren’t a hundred percent sure. You climbed in and the van was quickly on its way to your house.

“I think I remember which one is Chris’–yours–but you might need to show me when we get to it.”

You leaned forward to see out the front windshield, the van was completely silent as you could see your house come into view–bar George’s quiet chuckles that he thought you couldn’t hear, he was wrong.

“This one on the left, number 102,” you said when you saw your house, the house you’d moved into at the age of two–right after your parents split up. It hadn’t changed much in the past fifteen years you’d lived there–still with the hedges out the front, the broken shingle right above your bedroom window from a rogue cricket ball thrown by your younger brother a few years prior, and the blue front door, painted in the colour that you got to choose when you were three. Matty pulled into the drive and Ross slid open the door for you. “Thanks for the ride, and thanks for all this-” you held up your notebook. “I’ll get right onto it.”

“We should be the ones thanking you,” Matty replied. You noticed that he was still the one to take charge in all the conversations. You felt a little dejected at their lack of enthusiasm, you wondered if they brought this energy to everything they did or if it was a special occasion. You quickly bid goodbye, promising you’d message them when you had a proper plan for their video. And they left, back up the road in the direction of the chip shop. You didn’t know what to think.

You went straight to your room, running up the stairs after quickly saying hello to your mum and stepdad, who were sitting in the living room, watching some news program for the evening. You don’t think you’ve ever worked so quickly, your mind was just brimming with ideas and images that you needed to get written down before they were lost in your memory.

You only stopped when your stepdad, Vern, knocked on your door so you could say goodnight to him and your mum at just past midnight, you’d been working for almost six hours straight. Vern was someone you admired dearly. He’d taken on two kids, and treated them as his own–your actual dad relocated to Wales after the divorce, you’d see him maybe once a year if the stars were right, otherwise it was a phone call on Christmas and your birthdays, followed by a card with a tenner in it in the post that’d arrive not long afterwards. Vern was the closest you’d had to an actual dad, and you greatly respected him. You truly didn’t know what your family would be like if he didn’t come into the picture at the perfect time that he did.

By midnight, you’d finished a storyboard, as well as a sort of call sheet; a list of shots you wanted and your plans for it. You really went all out, Matty told you how they wanted a sort of performance set up, so you’d thought of the biggest thing you could do with the little budget they’d given you; fire. You knew it wouldn’t be hard to get some old wooden pallets or something that wouldn’t be missed, and you’d done a quick google search of the nature conservation rules in the area, and there was nothing outlawing bonfires, so you were golden.

You ended the night with a cup of tea–made by your mum–as you quickly emailed Matty the plans you’d come up with, before going to sleep, satisfied with your work.

It was a couple days before you heard from Matty. You tried not to think the worst, that the band hated your ideas and were abandoning the entire project. In fact, you tried not to think of them at all in the agonising weekend with no contact. Though you weren’t all that successful, you received a grilling from your dear older brother, Chris, the morning after your meeting. He claimed it was to just make sure they were all being gentlemen to you, which they were– though it made you worry that there was a chance they wouldn’t have been so respectful given the chance, that they would just be the kind of typical teenage boys that you stayed away from.

When the email popped into your inbox, you’d never been so elated. At least not until you actually read the email from Matty; 

heeyyy

talked to the guys, they all love your ideas so what are you doing this friday? we can get some shit to burn like you said and we could sort it out? just lmk :)

- Matty

You quickly typed an answer–YES–and prepared your plans, checking the sunset time for Friday to make sure there’d be enough light for the shoot. You could hardly contain your excitement and you practically ran out of your room and across the landing, then rapidly knocked on Chris’ door. 

As much as you did try to keep some distance from him, when it came to your interests, you shared a lot of similarities. You were both very creative people–your mum always said you two got that trait from your dad, though you didn’t know the man well enough to tell–and you both could very easily go into the same kind of field if the wind blew the right way. He was very into music production, engineering, anything technical like that, he loved. That was how he’d met the band; he was the one to help them with the mixing on the track they’d posted on MySpace–which you’d listened to a handful of times while working, and it was how you’d actually found out the name of their band which you assumed they’d forgot to tell you in all the scuffle–Drive Like I Do, it suited them well.

Chris opened the door, all dishevelled–it was quite late at night and the rest of your family didn’t seem to carry your insomniatic streak. You told him all about your plans for the music video, he’d already heard the song–many times–being the person who mixed it. He was excited for you, he was the one to bring you up when the band got onto the conversation of a video for the song. He’d gladly let you ramble to him as much as you wanted when it came to your passion, there weren't many other people you could do that with. You didn’t really have any friends in the traditional sense, you’d always been too focussed on the future to make a lasting connection with anyone, so Chris tried to fit into that mould when he could–when you would let him in.

After you ended your rant to him–which you hoped he understood at least a little, given his sleepy state–he didn’t say anything. You were worried.

“So what do you think?” You asked with baited breath. “Matty said they all liked it but you know them better than I do.”

“It’s good. Really good,” he replied. “Just one thing.”

You nodded, urging him to continue.

“Just be careful, okay? These guys…” He thought for a moment. “They’re pretty typical teenage boys. Don’t want you to get in too deep only for them to hurt you.”

“I won’t.” You smiled. “It’s just a music video. Just want to make it as good as possible.”

“Good.” He hugged you, slightly pushing you to his doorway. You got the idea. “Now, let me sleep.”

“‘Night, dipshit,” you laughed, shuffling back to your room.

His warning confused you. Why did he think you would get in too deep? Did he really have that little faith in you, and the guys? That night you went to bed, your mind swirling with these questions and no possible answers in sight. It wasn’t like you didn’t know what teenage boys were like. And you did feel cautious around them–Adam was a full 3 years older than you, and the other guys weren’t far behind. You were worried you’d put them off just working with you–being so much younger, you were sure they’d already deemed you immature and it irked you to think they wouldn’t take you seriously, so you wanted to work as hard as you could.

You were practically breaking out in hives from excitement the week leading up to the shoot day. It was all you could think about, and you’re sure you’ve never rushed out of school so quickly. You were lucky that your bus seemed to just miss the school traffic and you got to your stop fairly quickly. You got ready, grabbing your notebook of plans and your equipment–your small handheld camera and tripod. Chris was kind enough to drive you to Matty’s house, and you needed an assistant–better to be someone you knew and trusted to follow your orders than someone who you’d never met and the band had chosen.

You couldn’t stop biting your pinky nail on the drive, and Chris had to tell you to stop bouncing your knee multiple times–your nerves only got worse and worse during the short trip. You thought about telling Chris to turn back, and you’d tell them you were sick or something, but you knew you had to push yourself, everything just fell into place too well with the whole situation. And if you believed in a higher power, you’d certainly think it was at work today.

Your nerves barely subsided as you arrived, and Chris and the band helped you unload and set up all the “equipment”–the band’s instruments and Chris’ car, which you were planning on using as your lighting as it got darker. 

You had your plan and a schedule and were ready to stick to it. The majority of the video would be a performance of the song–you’d burnt it onto a CD that was sitting in Chris’ car so they could hear it and play along to it–as well as intercuts of more candid footage, the guys had told you there was a small paddock with some animals belonging to Matty’s neighbour, one cow–Betty–was fond of them in particular.

You recorded shots of the band walking around the paddock, as well as your smoke break. You’d never really smoked before but when Ross offered you one, you took it–earning a confused look from Chris, who’d mostly just been standing by, ready for nightfall, when the real fun would begin. There was a nagging in the back of your head, urging you to act as cool as possible in front of them. It was ironic really, you felt so childish for trying to act mature and interesting for them, they may have been the ones in front of the camera, but you were the one putting on an act.

Soon the sun descended below the horizon and it was time to light up–the wooden scraps the band had collected, that is. You only really had one proper chance to get the shots you wanted, the small fire–lit and contained by Chris–would only burn for so long.

You were pretty blown away by seeing them perform, even if they were just miming along to the real thing. You could tell they worked well with each other, they all had a certain charisma that just drew you to them. It helped that you did genuinely like the song, it had a charm that you could only put down to the fact that they were the cool, older boys in a band–everyone in your town knew them, especially Matty. When your mum is on Loose Women, people are bound to take an interest in you.

You were just about to finish filming, the song was drawing to a close as the final chords rang out. While the rest of the band was walking out of shot like planned, Matty–in a heap of adrenaline or something else, you didn’t know–pulled his guitar from the strap and lobbed it directly into the fire behind George’s drum set.

“What the fuck, dude!?” Adam yelled as you stopped recording. The six of you–including Matty–stood frozen in shock.

Matty stuttered through an answer, claiming he didn’t know, it just felt right in the moment. Chris was the first to let out a chuckle, calling Matty an ‘absolute knobhead’, and at that, the dam had broken and in a matter of minutes the entire group was roaring with laughter. George was eventually laying on the ground in a laughter-induced paralysis. 

It was well into the evening now, and the air was getting colder and colder. You felt a chill get into your body–deep in you, the kind you knew you’d only be able to get rid of with a warm shower or something of the like, your jaw began to tremor. You tried to clench it to make it stop, there was something in you that desperately wanted the band to see no flaws in you, you couldn’t show a single weakness.

You helped all the guys bring their instruments–sans Matty’s guitar–back to Matty’s house, only a 5 or so minute walk through the paddock. Though you had to admit, with the only light coming from the streetlights in the distance, and the only sound being your footsteps on the slightly dewy grass, you were a little spooked. But you never, for even a moment, felt scared, like you knew the guys wouldn’t do anything to you–at least with your older, taller, much scarier brother with you.

You brought the instruments–well you simply brought a couple microphone stands, the band didn’t quite trust you to handle anything that would be harder to replace–to the shed in Matty’s back garden. It was quite cramped, just enough room for their set up and a sofa. Though that didn’t stop them from decorating, the walls were plastered floor to ceiling with posters, you spied a couple movies you’d seen, but for the most part it was just spreads of models from whatever magazines they could’ve gotten their hands on. Typical boys, you thought, some kind of manifestation.

“Well,” Chris said after a couple minutes of chatting in the shed, just about the video and estimates on when it’d be done. “I have the early shift tomorrow…so we better get going…”

You felt a little disappointed, like when a child is told it’s time to leave the playground. You thought you could see a hint of the same feeling on a certain lead singer’s face, but you weren’t sure.

“She can stay here if she wants,” Matty answered in an air of unbotheredness. “I’ll drive her back when she’s ready.”

Chris didn’t say a word, and you daren’t speak either, for fear you’d jinx this opportunity the world has given you to spend more time with people you deemed totally and undeniably cool–the first in a long while.

“You promise?” Chris asked. You thought it strange that neither of them stopped to actually ask you if you did want to stay, but you tried to be cool about it–no use having a tantrum over wanting to spend time with people who could not see you in that way.

Matty grabbed Chris’ hand in a firm shake. “Promise.”

[kurumeki]

This will be long and personal, so you can feel free to scroll past it.

Good things of 2023:

Grandmother’s 80th birthday; we had a celebration in a restaurant with family and her friends. Almost 50 people!

Morrie’s live stream Flesh Odyssey at his birthday (4th March)

My best friend @vinidra visited in March and I remember getting wasted and listening to Black Sabbath and Def Leppard till 3am. And watching that one 1989 Aerosmith live! Wasn’t there Dir en grey stream on GALACAA? I think we got access from a friend and watched that too.

On April 1st Morrie’s fan club Reveries opened on BitFan application – with foreign fans finally being able to join. It is a pricey affair, but the consistency and amount of content he brings every single day is so worth it. I love being a Reverie and having near direct contact with Morrie and the fans. So grateful for this community.

Right after Easter, on April 12th, we got BUCK-TICK’s new album. No one would predict it would be the last release before Sakurai passing away… It’s a solid record and ワルキューレの騎行 will forever be one of my favourite songs.

April was such a good month for me – on 18th I got the news I got promoted to a team leader. So, following a big raise for 2022 performance, I got another big raise with role change. Feeling like I’m finally getting the money I deserve for my hard work. The role is difficult and very challenging, but also satisfying and I enjoy what I do. It helped me a lot with improving my communication skills, standing up for myself and feeling confident with my decisions.

End of April was my friend Karin visiting, we went to Metallica symphonic concert in philharmonic and had amazing time overall during the long May weekend.

In May I came out to my co-workers and I was met with so much support I’m still overwhelmed. Being able to feel like I can be 100% myself at work is amazing. You don’t realise you need it until you get this freedom.

May 23rd was Boris live in Warsaw. I reconnected with an old friend and had amazing time with him during the gig. The show itself was everything I ever wanted from Boris – perfectly heavy and fast. Being front row surely contributed to that. My mission was to wait for the band after the show and talk to Atsuo and I succeeded! Got a picture with the band ant all. All possible thanks to a mutual friend of the band and mine.

May 31st – Def Leppard and Motley Crue in Krakow! Again hanging out with @vinidra and his friend. The show… let’s say Motley Crue was meh, though visual and female dancers were incredible. But Def Leppard was there to save the night, it was incredible and I had so so so much fun! Can’t wait to see them again live.

In June I visited Karin in Krynica Morska. It’s a very thin piece of land with sea at one side and huge lake on the other. I loved the beach walks there and hearing the waves at night, when falling asleep.

Also in June my close friend had a major surgery. So brave of her to decide to undergo it and I’m even more happy that she’s made steady recovery, now having no regrets.

June 20th was the day Josh Kiszka of Greta Van Fleet came out! I’m always happy learning that musicians I love are just as queer as me.

And by end of June DEAD END has re-issued all four albums from 80s: DEAD LINE, Ghost Of Romance, shambara and ZERO. Got them all, in true collector spirit.

July 21st Greta Van Fleet released a new album. I wasn’t stoked about it at first but of course – the more I listened to it, the more I fell in love with it. It’s probably my favourite album of the year.

I didn’t do anything special for my birthday on August 12th, but the following week I was flying to Cologne for a week to stay with my best friend. We did a lot of furniture and home decor shopping for the new house she moved into. We went to cinema to see Metallica’s live stream, and otherwise just had good time being lazy. Oh! And I helped her pick out and buy her first guitar. Love the visit in huge 4-story music shop in Cologne.

In September I’ve volunteered to take dogs from a shelter for walks for a day. I want to do it again.

On September 27th Morrie released another solo album Solitudes I. I feel like I didn’t listen to it enough this year, but this is miles better than Ballad D to me.

October 15th was election day in Poland and this was incredible – how many people showed up. For the first time I had to stand in the queue to vote. And we won. Fascist right wing government was overthrown. I have some home things will finally get better in my country.

Fast forward to November 5th – after a lot of trouble I made it to Hamburg and met with a friend I’ve know for years, but never had a chance to see in person. Had amazing time! It’s incredible to have such dedicated Morrie fan so close and be able to talk about music for couple of hours without feeling tired.

November 6th – I also finally met my close friend, we’ve never seen each other before. She’s such a lovely human being. She introduced me to Greta Van Fleet, so it felt only right to gift her a ticket to their show. The live was amazing, the most beautiful show I’ve ever been to. I will never get over how talented those young guys are.

From Nov 7th to 11th I was staying with my friend in Bielefeld. Met her cutest Siamese cat Bibi!

And last thing worth mentioning – I got the courage to go to company winter party and I actually had fun. I don’t remember when was the last time I simply wanted to have fun and when was the last time I danced. My whole body hurt after that night, but I really loved it. Oh, and I stole the neon flamingo lamp. Worth it.

[herrlindemann]

Rock Hard - October 1997, interview with Paul

There's no question: Rammstein are definitely THE winners of the hour. The first album 'Herzeleid' is about to go platinum, the singles 'Engel' and 'Du hast' from the second album romped about in the top ten for weeks, and it was foreseeable that the long-awaited album 'Sehnsucht' would also have a huge impact . So Rammstein are well on the way to becoming the most successful German metal band of the 90's - but how are the guys dealing with the new situation?

I can still remember well when I walked past the Motor Music stand at PopKomm two years ago and I was blasted with fat guitar riffs that didn't quite fit the usual program of the Hamburg label. That was a new signing called Rammstein, I was told at the time when I was curious, and somehow I had the feeling that something big was coming our way. This impression was reinforced a few months later by the great debut album 'Herzeleid', on which the band went musically new ways and lyrically wonderfully irreverent. The best counterpoint to the burgeoning PC wave. With their fantastic, effective live shows, they were able to win more and more fans for themselves from tour to tour, but nobody would have thought that they would achieve such a huge breakthrough.

Today everyone is talking about Rammstein, but guitarist Paul Landers, who is sitting across from me, still seems quite relaxed and completely unimpressed by all the fuss that is happening around him. Nevertheless, at the beginning of our conversation, the question arises as to what has changed for Rammstein since the Top 3 hit 'Engel'.

« Actually not that much, because what looks like an overnight success for many people was a very long way for us, which we took step by step. It's like meeting a child once a year and marveling at how big they've grown while the parents don't even notice the child growing because they see it every day. On the other hand, we probably haven't even realized how successful we are at the moment. My phone rang last night and I have a woman on the other end of the line who couldn’t believe that she actually spoke to Paul von Rammstein and that I’m still in the phone book as normal. I may have to change it soon. I just think we're still down to earth and that's not going to change as things get bigger. »

I'm guessing though that mass and mainstream media interest has skyrocketed following the chart success...

« Yes, but since we are six members of the band it doesn't make any difference to us because we can split everything up. And it doesn't matter whether you're talking to Der Spiegel or a school newspaper, the questions are usually the same. »

By the way, some of your older fans were not at all enthusiastic about the fact that your record company pushed the release of 'Sehnsucht' from spring to the end of August for marketing reasons...

"Wait, it wasn't the record company's decision — we're responsible for everything, whether it's covers, videos or singles. We just do what we want, but of course let the record company advise us. Things like Aerosmith, who had to re-record some songs because the company didn't like the first versions, won't happen with us. »

But you must have felt a certain form of pressure, too — for example, the desire of the fans, who simply expect certain things from you, like ambiguous lyrics or elaborate shows, because that's one of your trademarks. You could theoretically run out of ideas...

« That's why we're holding back a bit at the moment, because we don't want to have to land a helicopter on stage next year to meet the expectations of the fans. We still have plenty of ideas, but we're only implementing them gradually so that we still have something up our sleeves. »

On your last tour, did you also have the phenomenon that occurs more frequently with chart breakers, that there were people in the audience who only knew the song 'Engel' from radio and television, but were not familiar with the old material?

« Nope, not at all, because we're not a single band like Fool's Garden, who suddenly appear out of nowhere and of which you actually only know the one song. In my opinion, apart from the title track, 'Herzeleid' only contains good songs, none of which are really suitable as a single, and it's similar with the new disc. 'Engel' pushed us like a fresh battery, but that didn't destroy the whole car. »

I recently re-read the interview I had with Paul shortly after the release of 'Herzeleid', but at the time he said Rammstein had no plans to roam the clubs for months trying to break out by force. But now everything turned out differently, because Rammstein were actually damn often on the road...

"Hm, you're wrong. We've been in the business for quite a long time and accordingly make sure that we don't get crushed. We're often on the road, but our tours are usually quite short, because our life shouldn't consist exclusively of concerts. If other bands enjoy playing up to 200 gigs over the course of a year, that's up to them — we definitely take our breaks and don't let them rush us around. We're just six friends, and when friends see each other every day over a long period of time, it really gets to you. »

Something different: On a recent trip to Sweden, I noticed that your songs are sometimes already being played in clubs there, and you've also had numerous gigs in countries like Belgium, Holland and Sweden. Looks like you're slowly starting to conquer other countries too — despite the language barrier!

«Of course, because at some point we will reach our limits in Germany. We're also excited about new tasks, because actually it's pretty boring to tour as a headliner. It's much more exciting to start all over again in new territory where nobody knows us. We also asked people after the gigs if they would like it better if we sang in English, but most of them think we should stick to German lyrics. After all, music is global and the reactions are often a bit reserved at the beginning, but after a few songs the audience is dancing. We definitely want to tackle the American market in the near future. »

Not a bad idea. In any case, I could well imagine that the Americans are crazy about Rammstein's music - and with such a show you run into open doors there anyway.

Change of subject: The songs for 'Sehnsucht' were all written before the big breakthrough came in the form of 'Engel'. Accordingly, the pressure should not have been too great. Don't you pee your pants thinking about the songwriting for the third disc? After all, you then have to top an absolutely successful album...

« The pressure can't get any bigger, because the first disc was definitely a great success for us. In principle, the songwriting for the next record will be more relaxed for us because we now know that everything will be fine as long as we only listen to ourselves. We've learned that things only ever go bad for us when we let other people talk us into it or when not all band members are present at the creation. So it's our job to make sure that despite all the stuff that's pouring down on us, the band's chemistry is still right. »

Was it an advantage for you that you played many of the songs from the second album live before the studio date?

"Yes and no. The advantage was certainly that we could test the reactions of the fans to the piece. The downside is that the more times you play a song live, the sooner you get fed up with it and have to start composing new material again. »

In the photo session for 'Sehnsucht', Rammstein worked with Gottfried Helnwein, a well-known and respected photo artist who, however, has recently been the subject of negative talk because of his alleged membership in the Schientology skete. Has this collaboration had any negative effect on Rammstein?

"Unfortunately not," laughs Paul. « I wouldn't think it was so bad if we were also put a little in the Scientology corner, which maybe isn't so far-fetched after all...»

The wide grin on the guitarist's face shows that this statement is not meant too seriously, but what’s the saying? Any promotion is good promotion!

"We spoke to Helnwein again after that ominous article appeared in 'Stern'," Paul picks up the thread again, " and I can only say one thing: if the 'Stern' article about Helnwein contains as much truth as their article about Rammstein, then Helnwein is a CDU politician... In addition, the book that the story was primarily about will not appear at all because it is completely far-fetched. Some reports in 'Stern' are apparently as fictitious as stories in 'Neue Spezial'.”

Let's address two critical issues again: Recently, photographers have had to view the photos at your concerts, which gives your management the right, so to speak, and only release certain pics for publication. It's a practice that's especially familiar from big British bands, with the difference, however, that under German law their contracts aren't valid anyway and you can ignore them. However, your management could actually control the photo selection and also use the image material, e.g. from our photographers, for your own purposes free of charge. Why this harassment?

« One of the reasons for this action was - believe it or not - that we don't have any live pics of us in the archive at all, even though we played quite a lot. We also wanted to prevent a picture of Till with the burning coat from being printed in every newspaper. In any case, it's not about wanting to prevent the publication of image material, which we might not have been very good at, or anything like that. We've already considered whether we shouldn't do the same with articles about us, but this doesn't apply to the rock magazines, which thank God only print what we really say, but rather to the countless scraps of paper that sometimes pull unbelievable nonsense out of our fingers that we never uttered. The 'Stern' wrote, for example, that at Rammstein gigs only 30- to 4-year-old mustaches with checkered shirts and beer bellies are in the audience. It's quite funny, but it gets on your nerves in the long run. But actually we can live with all suspicions quite well - as long as we are not put in the right corner. »

The issue should be over by now...

"Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that. Of course, everyone who now knows us personally has long since understood that we have nothing to do with it, but thanks to our success, new media are constantly approaching us, and we have to start all over again with the educational work. »

What remains is your quarrel with J.B.O. — what did the boys actually do to you that you or your record company make life so difficult for the boys?

« There is actually no dispute with J.B.O. — we don't think the matter is as bad as it is currently being portrayed by all sides. »

Well, at least J.B.O. sign a cease and desist letter and re-record the track 'A Little Peace'...

« I think it was just that we weren't credited with the music, although it's clearly our samples that J.B.O. have used there. Okay, I also feel a bit guilty because I may not have paid enough attention to this topic, but with the current situation you lose track here and there. If I always ironed out management or record company mistakes, I would go insane. Someone from J.B.O. called me privately, after which I got in touch with our record company and told them to please come to an amicable agreement with the band. If you do a cover version, you just have to register it beforehand. For example, we wanted to change the 'Das Model' by Kraftwerk covers and the lyric to " She's a whore and she's good-looking ". Kraftwerk didn't agree with that, and that was the end of the matter. J.B.O. didn't ask beforehand, which isn't a bad thing, because if another band plays a song of yours, it means that your song must be really good. One day someone called us and wanted to change a line of text from the track 'Rammstein' to "Rammstein - bad breath is in the air" - as long as he reports it, we have no problem with it. I know how difficult it is to finish a record and I'm really sorry that J.B.O. had to stamp a part of their CD because of this. In the future I'll make sure that something like this doesn't happen again, but of course I can't take care of everything — after all, I also have to make music on the side...  »

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

No Children

Written By: John Darnielle

Artist: The Mountain Goats

Released: 2002

It should be noted that this song, and entire album, was written through the point of view of an imagined couple–known as the Alpha couple. In John’s own words, “The Alpha couple are these people who get together in California, and they fall in love, but they’re really broken people, and they’re very bad for each other – they’re both big liquor enthusiasts. They move to Las Vegas and live in a motel for a year, out of a sort of romanticized vision of how they’re supposed to live, and things just keep getting worse, so they just flee across the country in the hopes of starting a new life, but they haven’t really thought it through at all. So they get to Tallahassee, and that’s where I always envisioned them falling apart, in some tiny little house”. “No Children” is a staple of band’s live shows and certainly among their most well-known. The song further expands upon the notion that this couple cannot ever be content, and know only how to live in chaos and misery. The Alpha couple were put to rest by Darnielle after the release of Tallahassee in 2002–though John has said he could one day bring them back. Darnielle stated, “This is a song that I want you to know when it comes time for your divorce. You could be in a lawyer’s office somewhere off 15-501 in one of those little business parks you don’t normally go to saying, ‘Well, I must’ve driven past this place a thousand times. Now I’m going to get my divorce.’ Like some people wait for Christmas; it’s a different sort of Christmas. And as you prepare to sign the papers, you say, ‘I’m glad I’ve got that one tune.’ ”

[Verse 1] I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late [Pre-Chorus 1] And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town again [Chorus 1] In my life I hope I lie, and tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die [Verse 2] I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober [Pre-Chorus 2] And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way [Chorus 2] I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

I Was Born to Love You

Written By: Freddie Mercury

Artist: Freddie Mercury

Released: 1985

Cover included: Queen, 1995

“I Was Born to Love You” is a 1985 song by Freddie Mercury, and was released as a single and on the Mr. Bad Guy album. After Mercury’s death, Queen re-worked this song for their album Made in Heaven in 1995, by having the other members play their instrumental parts over the original track transforming the song from a disco song to a rock song. The Queen version from the Made in Heaven album also includes samples of Mercury’s ad-lib vocals taken from “A Kind of Magic” and from “Living On My Own”.

[Chorus Intro] An amazing feeling coming through I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yes, I was born to take care of you Every single day of my life [Verse 1] You are the one for me, I am the man for you You were made for me, you're my ecstasy If I was given every opportunity I'd kill for your love, hey So take a chance with me, let me romance with you I'm caught in a dream, and my dream's come true (It's) so hard to believe this is happening to me An amazing feeling coming through [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart, yeah I was born to take care of you, huh Every single day of my life [Verse 2] I wanna love you, I love every little thing about you I wanna love you, love you, love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you, yes (born) I was born to love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you every single day of my life I was born to take care of you every single day of my life [Instrumental Break] [Bridge] My life! Hey hey! Every single day of my life [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yeah, I was born to take care of you, honey Every single day of my life

[paranoidandroidofficial]

30 Days Until My Birthday! (2024)

OK, so I'm probably gonna start a yearly tradition on this blog, where I document what happens to me on the "month of my birthday". It's in quotation marks because I'm including August 30th and 31st, since... I think that's right when my birthday's getting nearer. Now, how this is gonna work is that instead of waiting until the end of the day to post this, and make it a whole wall of text that describes all the semi-important stuff that happened to me during the day, I decided that I wanted to post one of these for every day at the start of each day (with a brief recap of what happened yesterday, and my mood going into the day), and reblog these posts with updates about semi-important events that happened to me. Now, things I won't mention are... meaningless things like what I had for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or if I didn't finish listening to an album, or something. The things I mentioned here were either of enough significance to be worth mentioning here, even if I didn't finish it, or were things that I could turn into future first impressions or reviews, like finishing an album, or fully re-visiting an album. Don't expect anything crazy, like densely layered days that could be turned into whole-ass novels by themselves, because I'll be honest with y'all, my life's pretty boring, so I feel like these posts are gonna be less about WHAT happens in my life, and more about how I PROCESS or FEEL about what happens in my life. It's less interesting as a look into what happens to me on a daily basis, and more interesting as a look into my weird ahh brain. So, Yesterday, my Mom went to somewhere pretty far, and she won't be back until Sunday, so me and my other sibling are basically home alone for the majority of today, the only exception being at around 5 or 6PM, when my dad gets home from work, so basically, I have about 9 to 10 hours of total, complete freedom, and by freedom, I mean the ability to record songs that I normally wouldn't be able to with my Mom usually being in the room literally 10 to 15ft away from mine, and therefore, opening up the possibility of her hearing me belt out lyrics at the top of my lungs. I'll absolutely use this freedom to record vocals, but I'll also use it for other purposes... like showcasing my skills to friends, because now that I'm basically home alone, I don't have to worry about any (judgemental) person from hearing me scream the last part of Basketball Shoes like my life depended on it, so of course I'm gonna show my friends how I sound like when doing that exact vocal performance. This might just be the most free I've ever felt going into any day, because the only other person in the house... honestly isn't an issue, because I think that they either won't be able to hear me, or don't care enough to actually go up to my bedroom door, and tell me to stop, because with how loud they blast their music through their headphones, and how... little they care about whatever the fuck I'm doing, those are both very plausible conclusions.

TL;DR: today is when I'm at my most american because my house is boutta feel like the land of the free

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: "Say You Love Me" by Fleetwood Mac

If Fleetwood Mac had a secret weapon, it was Christine McVie.

Naturally, I'm writing this just after hearing the devastating news that she has passed away at seventy-nine. It was sad news to hear and she was the last Fleetwood Mac member I ever wanted to see leave this Earth. So it goes.

When people think of the women in Fleetwood Mac, their minds normally turn to Stevie Nicks, which makes sense. She was the superstar between the two. She was the cool one. She was the one who went on to have a very successful solo career in the eighties. She was the one with the gravely rock voice that made songs like "Edge of Seventeen" and "Stand Back" such enduring classics. She was the one who captured lightning-in-a-bottle poetry with "Landslide." And, depending on who you ask, she was the more conventionally attractive of the two. She carried that cool, ethereal, witchy vibe that the girlies are still trying to imitate and pull off to this day. There's a reason Stevie ended up being the superstar while Christine sat in the shadows at her piano and keyboards.

And yet, of all the Fleetwood Mac music that endures, it's Christine's contributions I always find myself returning to. Fleetwood Mac started as a blues band with nothing but a small cult following in the late sixties, but by the mid-seventies it was Christine's songs that landed the classic lineup their first major hits. It was "Over My Head" that finally broke them through in 1975 when the classic lineup put out their self-titled white album, but "Say You Love Me" represents the best of what Christine's songwriting could do for this band.

Christine McVie was the perfect compliment to Stevie and guitarist Lindsey Buckingham, both in terms of being a songwriter and a musician. Stevie's songs tended to lean more on the folksier side of things. Lindsey was into rock, blues, and any other weird idea that came into his head (see every song he wrote for the Tusk album in 1979.) Christine fell somewhere in between and mostly stayed in the realm of pop-rock, taking cues from a bunch of the California rock bands and artists that were big at the time like the Eagles, Jackson Browne, and the Doobie Brothers. It helps that the band had relocated to that area to make the Fleetwood Mac album and they just hired two Californians (Stevie and Lindsey) into a band that currently had three British players (Christine, bassist John McVie, and drummer Mick Fleetwood.) That 1975 album saw the three Brits wanting to re-invent themselves, and Christine finally had what she needed to make her best stuff really shine.

Christine had written poppy rock songs before Nicks and Buckingham joined. "Spare Me a Little of Your Love" is the closest thing to compare to. The issue before 1975 was that guitarist Bob Welch (who Buckingham replaced) didn't always harmonize with her super well and Christine hadn't mastered the art of writing a hook that really sinks in. The vocal chemistry she had with Nicks and Buckingham worked right out of the gate. "Say You Love Me" has one of the best hooks that Christine ever put to tape. There's a vocal harmony on this that earlier Mac records couldn't capture. The other iterations of the band have great highlights, but none of them were ever going to score major hits. This band did. Stevie and Lindsey do a great job of adding their voices in with Christine's, but never taking away from her. It's like adding spices into your chili. You want just enough to really bring out the flavor, but not enough that it becomes overbearing. This is how you do it right.

Speaking of Christine's lead, this song showcases all of her talents and then some. Unlike Stevie, Christine had a more limited range. She couldn't do as much as Stevie could. She was never gonna belt something out like "Rhiannon" or "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around," but she had a perfect voice for bouncy pop songs and god damn does this bounce.

The combination of Christine's piano and Mick's steady driving drum beat is superb and creates a fantastic foundation for the song. It's bouncy and fun, reflecting the lyrical theme of a woman being swept off her feet for a good time (if you know what I mean). In a time where big and loud guitars where ruling the airwaves, she lets Ol' John the bassist drive most of the first half of the song and he gets a lot of great little moments in there. Lindsey Buckingham gets his time to shine in this song, but for the first half, it's all John, Mick, and Christine.

Speaking of Lindsey, her musical chemistry with Buckingham is one of the best things about the classic lineup in my eyes. She seemed to figure out really early how best to use Buckingham's talents and I think that alone is what makes songs like "Say You Love Me," "Think About Me," and "Hold Me" so damn good. The two of them play each other so well and if you want more evidence of the two of them being great together, Tango in the Night and the Lindsey Buckingham Christine McVie album they did together is worth checking out.

The second half of the song is where Lindsey and Christine shine together. Lindsey gets two pretty good little guitar solos in there that show off his signature finger picking style before Christine comes back in with a final verse. She has a back and forth between her vocals and Lindsey's guitar playing that just gives the song a depth that I think is easily understated and almost ignored if you're not really looking for it. Listen to that final verse. She sings "Baby, baby hope, / You're gonna stay away" and then Lindsey adds in a few notes in the empty space she leaves. Same thing happens after the next lines: "'Cause I'm getting weaker, / Weaker every day" and then Lindsey fills the space. You can hear this same thing with the first half of the song because she does it with John's basslines too. It's admittedly simple, but satisfying and it makes for something infectious that you want to listen to again and again and again. The combination of these musical ideas, Christine's lead and the vocal harmonies on the chorus, Lindsey's quick but wonderful guitar solos midway through, it all combines together into something that's just so fucking great. There's a reason this lineup became the classic lineup. There's just a magic that these five found and and figured out how to lock into.

If you're someone who is saddened by the news and you're looking to really examine Christine's work with Fleetwood Mac now that she's no longer with us, I think this is a great song to start with. All of her hallmarks and everything that made her both a great player and great songwriter are evident here. There's a lot of Classic Mac that you may not have realized was her and there are a number of deep cuts that are worthy of your time. Speaking of, every song she contributed to the forgotten 1995 Mac album Time is fantastic. "Hollywood (Some Other Kind of Town)" is my favorite from that. As I said before, everything she wrote for the Tango in the Night album has some of her best stuff. "Mystified" and "Little Lies" (played at every Bethesda presentation from now until forever) are two of my favorites on there.

Oh! And obviously "Songbird" is one of the most beautiful songs of the entire seventies and one of the best songs she ever wrote.

You don't cry because someone is gone, you smile because they were here. We're all better for her being here. Christine McVie was one of the best to ever do it and fans can sleep well knowing that her work will outlast her and the songbirds will keep singing her songs and filling the air with them. That's the beauty of being an artist that makes great art: it sticks with people and it gets to carry on and live on in your place when you're no longer around.

Sleep easy, Christine. We'll miss you. <3

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

hello ^^ this is for the summer request event

may i request a scenario wherein yangyang has a crush on renjun's chinese friend and he confesses in german but he doesnt know that the friend studied german as well. thank you <3

Ahhhhh this sounds so cute!! Coming right up, anon!

Languages of Love

No Specified AU

TW: Language

Y/N Pronouns: None Specified

Genre: Fluff (too much)

[Requests Post] | [Main Masterlist]

Word Count: 1.6K

"And this is where we record everything!" Renjun points to a series of doors in one hallway. You had just landed in Korea a few days ago and Renjun was quick to call you up and ask if you wanted a tour of the company building. It had been a couple of years since you were last in Korea and he wanted to show you everything that has changed. "I think WayV is recording right now, they have an album coming up," Renjun says. "We'll take a gamble to see any empty studios," Renjun leads you down the hall.

"Crazy to think I could have debuted if I stayed, huh?" You hummed quietly. You originally came to Korea with Renjun, actually, both of you with big plans to become idols but ultimately only one debuting. You were lucky enough to be featured on SM Rookies once but it was after you had made your decision, you thought that maybe the publicity would make it better but, no, it didn't. It was probably around 2018 when you decided to leave the company, after three long years of tireless training and nonstop mental breakdowns, you realized that idol life wasn't the thing for you and you left.

You were still paying back your dues though, which was just great. SM kept their chokehold over you even after you left, it would seem. Which was just a charm to pay alongside your schooling. You had taken up your studies again, taking up Linguistics as your major.

"Maybe, you could've been with Aespa probably," Renjun laughs. He knocks quietly on one of the doors and, after hearing no voices inside, he opens it and lets you in. "Oh, shoot, I'm sorry," Renjun quickly apologizes just as you walked in.

"Huh? Don't worry about it, it's just us," Kun reassures him. You looked in the recording booth and Yangyang waved at you. "Oh! It's (Y/N)! Long time no see, how's school?" He asks. You and Kun were never too close, but you often spoke to each other during Korean classes and it was nice to see him finally stabilize his debut.

"Good, good, I'm on break now and Renjun wouldn't leave me alone until I came to visit," you sat on one of the couches and sighed.

"Do you still sing?"

"From time to time, yeah," you shrugged. The door to the recording booth opened and Yangyang stuck his head out. He had a wide smile on his face, and it hadn't changed since trainee days, which you were certainly glad of. A lot of your other friends who had debuted seemed to go through drastic changes in front of the camera and you were afraid that Yangyang was one of them. You were glad that he still seemed the same as when you left.

"(Y/N)! It's been forever!" He spins and takes a seat between you and Renjun. "And you came right on time, I swear, Kun's working me to the bone," he exasperates.

"Not true, you're the one who dragged me out here," Kun rolls in the producer's chair.

"How have you all been doing? Aside from the album crunch?"

"Kun's producing more, opened a SoundCloud and everything," Yangyang says.

"Oh right! My friends told me, I followed you as soon as I heard," you nodded. "How about you?"

"Just tapping into old interests, like I've been playing video games more, trying to re-learn German because wow does not using it for years really wear it down," Yangyang laughs.

"German, huh? I always forget that you lived in Germany for a bit," you hummed. German was a rather rough language for you, it differed greatly from Mandarin or Korean but it was more than a welcome challenge for you. "Ha, why don't you say something in German? I've been wanting to look into it more."

"You want to learn German?"

"Yeah, I'm in linguistics now so I'm looking into different languages."

"Huh... let me think about a good phrase," Yangyang leans back on the couch and Kun sips some of his coffee.

"Want some? You look tired," Kun offers but you shake your head.

"Just the jet lag, Renjun wants to do so much before I leave," you rolled your eyes towards your best friend and Renjun laughs.

"How often is it we see each other now? I want to make the most of the physical presence of the one and only," he says.

"I haven't even said 'hi' to Ningning yet," you sighed and playfully jabbed him.

"How long are you staying in Korea, (Y/N)?" Kun asks.

"Maybe about a week if Renjun doesn't hold me hostage, then I'm heading back home."

"Wenn nicht, dann werde ich (German: If he doesn't, then I will)," Yangyang springs up and you turned your head to him. Did you hear that right? You wanted to ask why, it was probably a good time to tell him that you had a good knowledge of the language already, but you wanted to entertain him.

"Wow, what's that mean?"

"It means you look like a crocodile," Yangyang smirks.

"You little," you shoved him lightly and you both broke out into laughter. Renjun and Kun both momentarily shocked before joining in. "Don't you have anything nice to say instead of childish jokes?" you nudged him.

"Uh..." Yangyang clicks his tongue. "Let me think about that again," Yangyang says.

"Take all the time you need, sorry for putting you on the spot," you smiled. "We should all get hot pot together like when we were trainees, just because, you know? I'll invite Ningning," you said.

"That sounds fun, I think us in WayV have a free day this weekend, how about for Dream?" Kun asks.

"We're on break since Hello Future promotions are finished, except for Mark but I'll tell him you're in Korea later," Renjun says.

"Man, you guys are really working hard this year, huh? Best of luck, don't forget to take care of yourselves," you sighed. "Let's see, if I'm here for a week, Renjun you don't have an itinerary for me, do you?"

"Nope, not really, I just had one for today and Wednesday," he says.

"Hm, in that case-"

"I got it!" Yangyang shoots up on the couch and you jumped back a little out of surprise, bumping into Renjun slightly.

"Oh my god, warn me before you do that," you relaxed.

"Ich liebe dich, und ich will nicht, dass du gehst (German: I love you, and I don't want you to leave)." You blinked again, knowing vaguely what he said but not fully believing it.

"Did you mean that?" You asked him.

"Mean what?" He answered with equal confusion while the room fell silent.

"It's just... wow, you said that in front of Kun and Renjun."

"Wait, wait, wait, did you understand what I said?"

"Yes, of course, I did! I'm taking German classes right now," you explained.

"Oh," Yangyang leans back on the couch again, keeping eye contact with you. Then his ears turned red, quickly followed by the rest of his face. "Oh my god..." He covers his eyes with both of his hands and screams silently.

"Whoa, you finally told (Y/N), after years and years of complaining how you didn't get to before our debut," Kun laughs.

"Wait, did you understand too?!"

"Yangyang, I think we know what 'I love you' in every language is," Kun teases the younger member.

"Well, sadly, I have to leave because I have classes, but I'm willing to try things out if you are," you told him. Yangyang removes his hands.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I used to have a crush on you too while we were trainees."

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah, seriously, that's how you know that the feelings are real, Yangyang," Renjun chuckles. "Do you remember how weird you were when you were a trainee?"

"Oh god... you liked that?" Yangyang's head whipped from Renjun to you and you sighed loudly.

"Sadly, yes, yes I did. Now were you being serious or not?" You asked him.

"I mean, yeah, but, like, don't you think that we'd get in trouble?" He asks.

"Well, if you don't want to put effort into it, there's this other guy that I've been-"

"Are you free tomorrow?" Yangyang cuts you off and you smiled.

"I am, but are you?" You rose an eyebrow and you both looked at Kun.

"No, no way, I'm not covering for you again, our manager's going to kill us," Kun turns around on the producer's chair, facing the computer again. He turns to you again and sighs. "Fine. Yeah, you're "free" tomorrow," Kun rolls his eyes.

"Yes! This is perfect!"

"Looks like you do get to hold me hostage for a bit."

"Hell yeah! Wait, you understood that too?"

"Yes, yes I did."

"Aren't you glad I made you come with me to the company today?" Renjun cuts in. "If I didn't you'd still be single."

"Excuse you, I actually have many options to choose from," you shot a playful glare towards your best friend. "And I know what you're trying to do and, no, you can't third wheel."

"Oh, come on! I don't have any schedules anymore!"

"No way," you shifted off of Renjun and more on Yangyang now. "Anyway, what's our plan for tomorrow, Yangyang?"

"Good question, I didn't think I'd get this far. I'll figure it out and text you later, yeah?"

"Do you still have my number?"

"Did you change it since I first got it?"

"No."

"Then yes I do, dress comfortably tomorrow, I'm dragging you all around Seoul."

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Music is so good for the soul, and during these hard times we must all help each other to find moments of joy.

- Dame Vera Lynn (1917-2020)

Dame Vera Lynn, the beloved British singer, died 103 years old on 18 June 2020. Surprise at her death is swiftly replaced by the sad realisation that it marks the end of a chapter in British history. Many of those who grew up with her music have died during the Covid-19 pandemic. How poignant that her death should come on the day that President Macron arrived in the UK to mark the 80th anniversary of General De Gaulle’s rallying cry to the Free French and to give the Légion d’Honneur to London, the city that weathered the blitz in 1940.

From the battlefields of France, the Netherlands, Italy and North Africa to the Far East, whenever soldiers gathered around a radio set or gramophone, the smooth vocal tones of Vera Lynn were sure to be heard.

It is impossible to gauge whether the outcome of the war was swayed by songs like ‘There'll Always Be an England’, ‘We'll Meet Again’, ‘(There'll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs of Dover"‘ and ‘A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square’.

But for countless men in uniform, the lyrics and the slim, wholesome young blonde woman who sang them seemed to offer a vision of what they were fighting for.

To modern ears, the words might sound corny but at a time when Britain stood proudly against the Germans, their patriotic appeal was irresistible.

Vera Lynn epitomised an archetypical, essentially decent Britishness, practical and fair-minded - notions which shone through the songs she sang.

Even her version of the German soldiers' favourite song, ‘Lili Marlene,’ managed to sound like a patriotic lament, a far cry from the darker sexual undercurrents implicit in the versions by Marlene Dietrich and Lale Andersen - ironically both of them anti-Nazis who became the German forces' sweethearts.

Vera Lynn's most famous song remains We'll Meet Again, recorded in 1939.

Lynn’s wartime popularity was boosted because of the song.   The song’s appeal to love and stoicism - "Keep smiling through/Just like you always do/ Till the blue skies/Drive the black clouds far away" -- made it the perfect war-time anthem. It proved powerfully uplifting for departing soldiers, and it has endured as the defining song of the British campaign. The song re-entered the UK charts at No 55 amid the 75th anniversary celebrations of VE Day.

As she wrote later in her 1975 memoir, Vocal Refrain: “Ordinary English people don’t, on the whole, find it easy to expose their feelings even to those closest to them.” We’ll Meet Again would go “at least a little way towards doing it for them”.

In later years, the song, with its reminders of home and exhortations of courage, has become an indispensable part of national commemorations. And, with its swooping and strangely haunting melody, it has entered into popular culture. It forms an ironic accompaniment to the explosion of atom bombs in Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964); it is deployed with alienating effect in the Pink Floyd song Vera (The Wall, 1982); and it provides the eerie aural backdrop to the Tower of Terror ride in Walt Disney World, California.

But when Lynn began singing it at the age of 22, she had little idea that she would be singing it for the rest of her life.

Indeed the song found favour again this year when Queen Elizabeth II, in a rare public address to the nation, urged Britons to remain strong during the coronavirus lockdown.

"We should take comfort that while we may have more still to endure, better days will return: we will be with our friends again; we will be with our families again; we will meet again," the monarch said.

Vera Lynn was born in London's East End on March 20, 1917 as Vera Margaret Welch.

She began singing in local clubs at age seven and joined a child dance troupe, Madame Harris' Kracker Cabaret Kids, at 11. By 15, she was a teenage sensation as a vocalist with the Howard Baker Orchestra.

She adopted her grandmother's maiden name Lynn as her stage name, making her first radio broadcast in 1935 with the Joe Loss Orchestra.

She worked with another of the great names of the pre-war period, Ambrose, whose clarinettist and tenor sax player, Harry Lewis, she was to marry. The couple had one child, a daughter.

In war-time, Vera Lynn came into her own, hosting a BBC radio programme, "Sincerely Yours", appearing in a forces stage revue, and making three films.

So what did Vera Lynn have that propelled her to stardom during the war, when she became the “forces’ sweetheart”? Youth primarily. She was in her early 20s when war broke out – Elsie Carlisle, the iconic singer at this time, was in her 40s and recorded very little during the war, while Gracie Fields, who was astonishingly popular in the 1930s, had the temerity to marry an Italian and sat most of the war out in North America.

The country was aching for a new female singing star and Vera Lynn – youthful, toothily wholesome rather than glamorous, and with an innate modesty that suited an austere and dangerous age that had no time for displays of ego – fitted the bill. She had a powerful, bell-like voice – at times she almost recites the words and employs oodles of vibrato to underscore the emotion of her songs – that was perfect for a singalong. It is when the audience joins in with her songs that you get a lump in the throat.

She came to represent so much, especially to the service personnel she entertained tirelessly during the second world war. She visited Burma, Egypt and India to give concerts for troops stationed there, an act of courage that should not be underestimated. These were difficult, dangerous journeys and not for nothing was she later awarded the Burma Star. She symbolised resilience and indefatigability, embodying a strength of character that transcended mere art. Nazism had no chance against this winsome, optimistic, joyful yet tender young woman.

Lynn gave up singing after the war but was persuaded out of retirement in 1947 and began a whole new international career, with appearances in the United States in 1948.

She became the first British artiste to have a US number one with "Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart", her most successful record, in 1952. However Vera Lynn's career foundered in the rock and roll era and she cut back on public appearances.

Artistically, it must have been infuriating to be forever associated with the wartime struggle and she did attempt to move on, recording a few Beatles numbers in the 1960s and even making a country disc in 1977. But nothing could shift the way she was seen by the public: a symbol, quintessentially British, of that unimaginably long, bleak, ultimately triumphant wartime struggle; an icon frozen in time.

She accepted her status as a living museum of wartime music and culture with customary good grace. “I never thought the ‘forces’ sweetheart’ tag would stay with me,” she told the Radio Times in 2014, “but it has, hasn’t it? I thought it would last for the war period, then I’d just be another singer. Of course I’ve never minded that everybody always connects me with that time. It was so important.”

For decades, she was a beloved figure at celebrations to mark the anniversaries of the June 6, 1944, D-Day landings in France or VE Day, the end of the war in Europe on May 8, 1945.

Her last public performance came in 2005, at the 60th anniversary celebrations for VE Day in Trafalgar Square. She performed a snatch of We’ll Meet Again, and told the crowd: “These boys gave their lives and some came home badly injured and for some families life would never be the same. We should always remember, we should never forget and we should teach the children to remember.”

She was awarded an OBE in 1969, and made a dame in 1975, for her charity work. She has given her name to her own breast cancer and child cerebral palsy charities, and has also worked with charities for military servicepeople, including Forces Literary Organisation Worldwide (Flow)

In 2009, at the age of 92, she became the oldest living artist to make it to No 1 on the British album charts, with a greatest hits compilation outselling the Arctic Monkeys.

During the build-up to her 100th birthday in 2017, Dame Vera said she found it "humbling" that people still enjoyed her songs.

The Queen wrote to her: "You cheered and uplifted us all in the war and after the war, and I am sure that this evening the blue birds of Dover will be flying over to wish you a happy anniversary."

Her songs spoke to people caught up in war, trying to respond to its emotional extremes as best they could. They encapsulate fellowship and battling through, not jingoism, for all the flag-waving that accompanied her appearances at commemorative events. “We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when.” The lyrics could not be more banal, yet her genuine spirit invested them with deep humanity. As HM Queen Elizabeth II herself understood, what keeps us going in times of war and pandemic is the thought that we will be reunited with our loved ones, when the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

RIP Dame Vera Lynn

We’ll meet again....

[j0hn-deacons-perm]

Charcoal Dust

Female reader x Brian May

Word Count ~6,100. 

I had this fic sitting in my documents since August and re-reading it, I didn’t hate it. So I guess I’m posting it. A bit of a warning I suppose...it goes get slightly suggestive but not 18+..If you’re sensative to that sort of thing, maybe skip this one my dudes.

With the last flick of your eyeliner, you deem yourself ready to head out to the bar. Freddie wanted to let off some steam with finals and you couldn't help but to join in. The apartment you two share have been littered with projects and materials and he almost strangled you for not cleaning up your charcoal dust. With that being the straw which broke the camel's back, tonight is to just get shit faced and to have fun. At least Fred settled one a bar that isn't too much of a walk so you don't have to worry about driving. Grabbing your coat, you leave the complex and into the cold december night.

***

"Y/N, dearie, you're here! Finally the night can commence!"

Freddie runs to you and wraps his arm around your shoulders. 

"The boys are here as well. Can't tell you how much work it took to get John out."

Your eyes settle on Deaky, already a bit drunk and waving at you with a grin. "Evenin' Y/N! How's it going?"

"Not as good as you from the looks of it. But I bet a couple drinks could fix that."

You turn to the bar and order your usual mix drink along with a round of shots for everyone. 

"Here's to having a good night amongst friends!"

"Cheers!"

Everyone downs their shot and you finally sit down, taking the empty spot next to Deaky. Roger and Brian seem to be in their own little world talking about something so you don't bother with that can of worms yet.

"Y/N, did you find a new model for your drawing yet?"

"Nope. That fucking Steven kid answered my ad, took my payment then just vanished. Won't answer the phone, haven't seen him around campus..I'm out like 80 quid and nothing to draw for my final."

"Ouch. What does it entail exactly?"

"I need to do a live nude model study."

Roger's ears seem to perk up with the mention of 'nude'.

"I can help you out with that, love."

Brian rolls his eyes and Freddie chuckles. 

"So, me buying you a shot doesn't get your attention but mentioning I need to draw a naked person does?"

"Well, yeah. You should know this by now."

"I thought alcohol and nudity were on the same tier of importance to you, Taylor."

"Close..but not quite."

You nod at him with a fake academic-like expression as you rub your chin.

"Right, so if anyone knows someone who would be down to model for me let me know."

"I just said I was!"

"Anyone but Roger."

"Oh! What about Brian, dear? He'd be a great model."

The man in question glares.

"Uh..Fred, I don't think so."

"Why ever the fuck not? I've seen you naked before, May. You'd be fantastic. Plus Y/N gets to see your cute little bottom and huge cock!"

His cheeks turn bright red.

"Absolutely not, Fred."

Freddie looks over to your face, laughing despite blushing profusely. He knows of your small crush on the guitarist and loves to relish in opportunities making you and Brian uncomfortable in hopes you two would actually do something. Much to his, and your disappointment, nothing ever happens.

"Well I would do it but I don't have the time in my schedule considering I'm going to be stuck in the art building working on my own shit. Now come on, don't subject her to Roger."

Brian looks over to you, finding you playing with a hem on your shirt, trying to distract yourself from the awkward conversation.

"Well we both know Bri's not going to do it, so when can I come over, love?"

With a slump of your shoulders, you face the blonde.

"It's not a sexual thing where I draw everything, you know. You're going to be in a pose you can hold for a long period of time while I focus on drawing mainly your prominent body landmarks like ribs, pelvis, and muscles along with bones."

"See, Bri? It's not a personal experience, she's just studying your anatomy. With how lanky you are, it'd be easy to see everything."

"I'll also pay you for your time. Might be a bit before I can get the money but you will be compensated. Also if it's too much for you, you can wear your underwear for most of it until I need to get a certain part."

He looks between you and Freddie, a sigh escapes his lips.

"Fine. I'll do it."

Freddie smirks at you and gives a wink before coming into to whisper in your ear.

"Just a heads up, I've seen him naked and you may have to draw three legs."

You turn bright red but can't help but to cackle at his comment. Brian rolls his eyes and says 'fucker' under his breath. 

*** A couple drinks turn to quite a few and talking with Brian ended up with the date, time and place for your drawing session. Now that three days have passed, the time arrives along with four knocks on the door. 

"Hey Y/N."

"Hey Bri, thank you so much again for doing this for me."

He looks around the living room and sees you've set up your workspace: an easel, one of the living room chairs and one of the end tables with your box of drawing utensils. He also looks at how it's pointed towards the sofa with a sheet draped on it. 

"How would you like me?"

"Comfortable. You'd probably be stuck in that spot for a while. I have pillows if you want 'em."

He nods and sits down on the sofa while you go towards the record player and pop on one of your favorite records.

"I like to work to music so hope you're okay listening to the Beatles for a few hours."

"Why would I complain about good music?"

You chuckle as you sit down in your spot, making any last minute adjustments to the easel's height. Turning your head to the sofa, you see him unbuckling his belt before slipping his shirt off. Back towards you. 

Freddie was right, he has a good figure to make this assignment easy for you. Despite trying to stay professional, it's hard to not check out your crush as he strips. When the pants start slipping off, you turn away, too shy to look anymore. 

He is your friend, Y/N...he is your friend who is helping you with a project. Don't make this weird..

But then you remember your roll of tape for the sheet so when it's break time, you won't lose the pose. 

Shit...

"Hey Bri, once you settle on a pose, would it be okay if I put some tape around you so we don't lose the pose after we take a break?"

"Yeah, that's okay. I also might take you up on that pillow offer."

"Sounds good, I'll be right back."

You smile as you get up and leave for your bedroom to grab him a couple pillows off your bed. When you walk back into the living room, you swear the air has shifted once you see him laying in his underwear on the couch, watching the record spin on the turn table. A knot forms in your stomach..

You're working on your final, you're working on your final, you're working on your final.....

You walk up towards him and hands him the pillows. He promptly adjusts them to fit his pose.

"This alright for your composition, Y/N?"

"Let me check."

You sit down back in your chair and look at what you can see. You can see many of the body's landmarks..ribs, collar bones, muscles, parts of the pelvis...but not the strongest for a good composition.

"The pose is fine but I'm going to move over a bit to get a more interesting angle of ya."

You scoot your set up closer towards the turntable, giving a more dynamic angle of your model.

"Alright, we're looking good. Just need to tape where you're at and we can get started."

Hands slightly shaking on the masking tape roll, you rip pieces off and place them where Brian's posed. It's easy to tell he's tense.

"Bri, you're welcome to chat during this if you want. And whenever you want to take a break to stretch out, do not hesitate to ask."

"Sounds good, love. I guess I'm ready when you are."

He's called you love before but now it seems a bit different...

HE IS JUST HELPING YOU ON YOUR FINAL PROJECT, STOP IT

You rub over your paper pad, sighing and grab your hard charcoal to get the initial lines and shapes in. You can see him closing his eyes once more marks land on your paper. His shoulders also slowly begin to become less tense. 

*** Two full albums later, Brian calls break time. You clean your hands off on your pants and set your charcoal back in its box next to you. Having the main structures done and angles correct, you feel good about the progress. 

"How's it coming along, love?"

"I think maybe another hour or so and we'll be good."

"Can I sneak a look or is it confidential?"

You nod your head for him to take a look, his presence now behind your back as he analyzes your work. Nerves become more apparent the longer he's silent. You're about to look over your shoulder until you hear him say

"I'm really liking it so far, Y/N. Fred's told us about your work and it's incredibly articulate. However it is odd knowing that's me on your paper."

You blush profusely at his compliment, even more so now that you realize he's extremely close to your body wearing just underwear. 

"Well how about I grab you a robe and I'll make us some coffee?"

"Sounds lovely to me, especially since seeing how you're fully clothed, I'm a bit vulnerable."

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable! Let's get that robe."

"I'm not uncomfortable, just a bit cold maybe."

Leaving for your room once again, you grab your robe. It might be a bit too short for the gentle giant in your living room but it's better than nothing.

"I'm surprised you didn't give me Fred's."

"You don't want it, trust me."

He laughs, tying the belt around his middle and follows you into the small kitchen to grab his favorite mug whenever he visits. The silence grows more comfortable as you hear the coffee drip into the small pot and another cabinet opens to grab the sugar. You open the fridge to grab the milk. Your pour the hot liquid as he adds the sugar to the two mugs, followed by the splash of milk you like in yours. Smiles meet each other and you two sit back in the living room, a new record begging to be played. 

"Want more Beatles or how about just some John? I have Plastic Ono Band and Imagine."

"Oh god, that's a decision isn't it?"

"It really is. I'm half tempted to just put Hard Day's Night on."

"Did you see that in theaters? The girls went absolutely mad."

"With that scene with John in the bath? I'm sure I still have hearing issues from that. It got even worse seeing Help."

"George bit?"

"George bit."

Laughs echoed amongst the walls, sharing knowing glances at how loud the shrieking was. 

"Have to love sort of shared traumatic experiences. But I'm intrigued, who is your favorite of the four?"

"The Beatles or Queen?"

A slight smirk dances across his lips.

"Beatles? When I was younger, Paul. In more recent years, has to be John. I really respect his political work and his solo albums are so personal and raw."

He nods at your answer, agreeing.

"But with you lot? No one. Don't tell Freddie that, he'll plant something in my bed."

He answers in a hearty laugh.

'It's not like I can say you before we get back to working on a naked drawing of you...'

*** With Lennon playing on the speakers and more charcoal on paper, you're back at it again. Brian somehow managed to get himself back into the same pose with one or two directions from you. Things are now going easier considering the drawing is now just filling in the blanks until you couldn't get one detail right due to it being covered by his underwear. The more you try to remember how the muscles and bone look, the more incorrect it looks to your eyes. The inevitable needs to happen.

"Hey Brian, I'm hating to ask this but uh...I can't get the lower abs to look right with the pelvis. Could you....takeyourunderwearoff."

The last part just rushed past your lips as fast as you could. Your cheeks are bright red, a tell tale sign being how hot your face just became. It's even worse when he arches his brow.

"What was that last part?"

You sigh deeply.

"Could you...take your underwear off so I can get your pelvis a bit better?"

"Oh...uh, yeah."

His cheeks probably match yours but you cover your eyes while he strips the last bit of cloth standing between him being completely exposed in front of you.  

"Alright Y/N, you can look now."

His nervous laughter is puntuated with your eyes opening again. While you have a clearer view of the muscles in question, you also have a clearer view of other things.

You now understand why it's called a happy trail. 

Correcting his angles once again, you start where you just left off. Only to have the record stop playing, meaning you had to stand up and change the music. Meaning probably a clear view of his, what Freddie called, 'his third leg'. Hands slightly shakey as they remove the vinyl and put it back in its respective sleeve. Fingers lead their way towards Revolver, your go-to homework album. Once the intro of Taxman plays, you make your way back to your seat. During which, your peripheral vision does you dirty. 

Fred wasn't entirely kidding. Dear god, Y/N, you're almost done just finish your damn project so Bri can go home and you can take a cold shower...

You sit back down and sigh, taking your charcoal and getting back to work, correcting any inaccuracies caused by his underwear being in the way and adding more to his figure. Side one is over far too soon, causing you to get up and be betrayed by your eyes once again.

At least now it's just adding a bit of definition to the head and small details. Taking the blunt end of your charcoal stick, you begin adding some hair to the drawing. The couple hairs on his chest, a gesture of pubic hair and some messy lines for the curls on top of his head. Staring at his face now, he peeks his eyes open and winks at you then smiles. 

"I thought you weren't going to draw my face?"

"Just a little something so it's not just a blank shape."

"Alright. Do you want my eyes open or closed?"

"Do what you want, Bri."

His eyes land on the legs of your easel, moving them around a bit to follow the smudges of paint and charcoal about. Your eyes trace along the angles of his face, adding them to the basic head shape you added during the beginning steps. Browbone, cheeks, nose, eyes, brows, and gesture of his slightly open mouth put down on paper as you mark it done. Looking at the lower right corner of your paper and taking your thin marker, you write your name, class session, semester, and model's first name. 

"Alright Bri, I think we're good to go. Want to come take a look?"

Standing up and putting your robe back on, he walks behind the chair. His eyes take in the final composition, from the pillows to his curls all the way down to how to managed to get the angle right on his feet. The sofa, while made of basic abstract shapes, make him look like he's properly weighed out on the cushions. 

"It's weird seeing me like that."

"I bet. Talking with some of the models outside of class, they tell me it takes some getting used to seeing shit like this."

"Seeing what others see in your naked body is very...daunting. I think you made me look too good to be honest."

"I just drew what I saw, May."

You look up behind you and catch him blushing, looking down at you while smiling.

"You are incredibly talented, Y/N. If you don't get an A, I'm taking personal offense with your instructor."

You blush hard at the compliment while laughing at his comment. 

"Honestly, I would too. You made a beautiful model, Bri. It was an honor to draw you."

Why did I just say that?..

He looks away, face looking shy. He takes compliments almost as bad as you. He sits down back on the sofa, looking at you.

"Now, you did say at the bar that I'd be compensated for my time."

"That I did."

You start to pack away your drawing supplies before digging a can of hairspray out of your backpack. Spraying a light coat over your drawing, you let it dry before packing it away for safe keeping.

 His eyes watch you dismantle your workspace, showing him something you've done nearly a hundred times over. Little did you know, seeing you in your element like this made his heart swell. Brian knew you were an art student but never saw you at work. Little did he know, yours did the same when you saw him at practice or on stage. After cleaning up and putting furniture back in their right spots, you sit down in the chair to only find Brian patting the cushion next to him. Giving him a fake glare, you sit next to him. 

"I've been thinking of payment and would it just be fine if we ordered some take away and hung out? I'd feel bad taking your money."

"You sure? I'd feel bad not compensating you for your time."

"Y/N, I laid on your couch, chatted with you and listened to my favorite music. Yeah it was a bit weird considering I take a girl out before she sees me naked but hey."

You laugh nervously at his joke, blushing for probably the 53rd time that night.

"I'll get dressed and we'll head out, that good for you?"

"Yeah. I need to change clothes anyway."

"Why? You look cute covered in charcoal."

Your heart nearly jumps out of your chest like a looney toons character. You and the guys are used to calling eachother cute or handsome but something about him being just about naked underneath your robe after drawing him for nearly two hours makes your heart race at a dangerous pace. 

"Let's get ready, hmm?"

He stands up, clothes in tow as he walks to the bathroom. The sound of the door closing brings you back to the moment. Grabbing your pillows and sheet off the couch, you leave for your room. The slight smell of him lingering on the fabric fills your nostrils as you throw it towards your laundry basket. 

"Goddammit...don't get your hopes up. It's not like this is a date, Y/N..." You whisper under your breath. 

Grabbing the clothes you wore earlier today, you get dressed and apply a little extra deodarant and perfume. By the time you've put your shoes on and out of your room, he's slipping his shoes on. Even in mid-December, he's wearing his clogs. He hears your laughter from across the room.

"What's so funny?"

"Bri, it's Christmas in nearly two weeks and you're wearing clogs? If you slip on ice thanks to those things, I’m not helping you up."

"It hasn’t snowed yet, though! Have to wear them while there's still time. Besides, look who's bloody talking wearing canvas sneakers in the cold."

"At least my entire foot is in the shoe."

"That's it, I'm not letting you borrow my scarf if it's still windy. Not with that attitude."

You smack his arm and grab your purse off the coat rack. Locking the door behind you is the last thing before you two leave for any place that is still serving food at this hour. 

***

Only getting as far as a corner store, you two buy a couple drinks then enough snacks to constitute a meal. The walk back to the apartment was on the quiet side, Brian looking up to the sky every few blocks in a vain attempt to see any stars that would accompany the moon shining that night. Not much for viewing besides the waxing moon hanging above your heads, hundreds of thousands miles away. 

"Hey Bri?"

His features seem almost guilty, being caught in the act but he smiles at you.

"Would it be possible for you to teach me some things about what's up there? Fred's showed me some astrology stuff but it would be kinda cool seeing the constellations and what makes them, y'know?"

"I'd just talk your ear off."

"Can't be too bad, I deal with that already."

You wink as he rolls his eyes. 

"But I'm serious, I want to know a little bit about what you study in uni. Especially since we go to different schools, it'd be interesting seeing another side of academics that isn't just color theory or how to mathematically draw cylinders."

"How do you mathematically draw cylinders?"

"It's all about angles and where it sits in space, mostly. Getting that perspective correct. After enough practice I guess you can just sort of see it rather than drawing out all these different grids and lines."

"Does that tie in with drawing people?...That's probably a stupid question of course it does."

"It does but with that, you also need to keep in mind where things in the body are. In our class we also have to do these...sculpting lessons. We're given half a skeleton on a stand and we sculpt the muscles using clay."

He nods, listening to you talk about your coursework and your subject matters from basics to more focused studies. Once back to your apartment, you find Freddie has returned from the art building. The noises of you and Brian taking off shoes and coats made him pop his head around the wall.

"Y/N, lovie, how did your drawing session go?"

"Rather well! Want to see it?"

"Well of course, dear!"

You grab your and Brian's bags from the corner store and place it on the kitchen counter before heading over to your drawing pad, propped up against your chair. Nerves arise as you watch his eyes gaze over your work, the smell of the hairspray you used seal in the charcoal floating to your nostrils. 

"Fucking hell, this is brilliant. If you get a bad mark I'm visiting your professor during office hours and giving them a piece of my mind."

He looks down Brian's legs on the paper, your careful contour lines elegantly outlining the muscles. 

"I think you forgot a leg, though."

Brian's rolls his eyes as Fred's cackle fills the room. You slap the sketchpad closed and return it to it's spot next to your school bag. A sympathetic look is aimed towards your model. 

"Come on you two, lighten up. How about a game of Scrabble, hmm?"

"It is getting a little late, Fred, and Brian has to get back to his place."

"He knows he's welcome to crash on the couch if he wants."

The man in question looks between you two, biting his lip in thought.

"I wouldn't mind crashing here tonight. I'm sure Roger wouldn't mind the flat to himself."

"Then it's settled. You old ladies get your food out of the kitchen and we start this game."

What wasn't expected was Brian winning with such a lead. You could've sworn you've seen Fred's eyes glow red as he told the curly haired man to get out of his home for disrepecting him that severely. He went to bed infuriated as he left you two out in the living room to watch TV. 

"You sure you want to spend the rest of your Friday night here?"

"It's technically Saturday morning now."

"Smart ass."

He smiles and slowly leans towards you on the sofa, his warmth sneaking up the arm closest to him. 

"Hey Bri?"

He hums in response, eyes not leaving the program painting the screen.

"I never really properly thanked you for helping me with my assignment. You honestly saved my grade modeling for me."

He turns his head to face you, eyes looking at yours illuminated by the screen's light.

"You're more than welcome, love. It was interesting watching you work. You have this little face you make when you're really concentrated."

"Where I don't blink and my mouth is partially open? That's my focusing amphibian look."

He chuckles.

"Roger does the same thing but that's his confused look."

"I thought his confused face was this.."

You imitate the face you've seen many times during your homework sessions with the boys. Also when he tries to understand what Fred wants to do add extra flair to shows or songs.

"No, you're right. That's the one." He laughs. 

Comfortable silence floats around the air as you two continue watching telly. Thirty meants turn into 90 as the episodes of various shows play before you. Slight comments here and there said but it wasn't until Brian laid his head on top of your head that something was really spoken. 

"I have a question."

"Care to share with the class, May?"

You can feel his cheeks stretch out with a slight smile.

"Would you think less of me if I put my studies on hold when, or even if the band gets bigger? I know we only have one album out at the minute but I've thought about it and..."

Patting his knee, you spoke.

"I could never think less of you for persuing something like that. You and the guys have worked your asses off and if, no, when your hardwork pays off, grab those opportunities. You earned any success that comes your way."

He moves his head to look directly into your eyes.

"Knowing you, you'll eventually get your PhD but sometimes life throws you a curveball and you have to just roll with what it gives you. If it's Queen, then see it through."

Surprise washes over you as he gives you a hug, enveloping you in his arms tightly as his face creates a home in the crook of your neck. This breath along your skin giving away to goosebumps. 

"I've been thinking about this for weeks and um...."

"Did you already drop out, Bri?"

"No, no..."

"Uh huh..." You narrow your eyes at him.

"Seriously, Y/N, I haven't dropped out of uni. I've been thinking about...."

You pull away and look at his eyes directly, cheeks flushed even in the low light of the living room. 

"What is it?"

He sighs, looking down at his lap.

"You."

Eyes going wide, you look at anything but him. The stray floaty in the air, the reflection of light as a car drives past your flat, the one stray strand of yarn or whatever it is sticking out of the rug on the floor. 

"I'm not saying this because you drew me naked and I'm feeling obligated to but tonight made me realize something."

Your eyes finally focusing on your hands, fingernails picking at cuticles. 

"If this does become something larger than life, I don't want to leave you behind. When Freddie introduced us to you last year, there was something about you I couldn't shake off. I wasn't sure what it was the chalk pastel dust you were covered in or something else."

You smile at his words but your heart doesn't lighten up the speed at the rate it's beating. When it comes loose, it's going to skyrocket across the English channel.

"But now actually getting to know you over time and tonight made me come to the conclusion that....I certainly have feelings for you and I don't know what you want to do with that information."

Your fingers stop picking at a loose bit of skin on the side of your nail and you swear your heart just stopped in your chest. Eyes wide, you stare at him. Mouth agape, not knowing what to say other than just "Bri..."

"I can see I made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Maybe I should head ho-"

As he begins to stand up, you grab his wrist and pull him right back down towards your side. 

"Meeting you was one of the most profound days in my life, Bri. You...fuck,...I'm not a wordsmith and I'm nervous as all hell right now."

He smiles ever so slightly but his leg bounces with such vigor you wouldn't be surprised if your downstairs neighbor complained to the landlord tomorrow.

"And now hearing you may have feelings for me? Like...how do I even process this when it's something I've been wanting to hear for almost a year?"

It's now his turn for his eyes to buldge open in shock.

"When you first talked to me about astrophysics and I saw your entire demeanor light up with such passion, my heart damn near stopped. I couldn't focus on anything else but you. Even when you're just relaxed I feel like that. You're breathtaking and I'm pretty sure I went comotose and had a lucid dream seeing you perform with the boys for the first time."

He smiles, eyes looking directly into yours as your mouth just vomits out any word you promised to never let out.

"I've fallen for you so hard. I love your smile and laugh. I love the slope of your nose. I love that you've let your hair be curly because let's be real, you looked real questionable when you straightened it."

He laughs and you can tell his cheeks are heating up.

"I love that little noise you make when you find something interesting in your textbooks and your hums when you're thinking of a new song and your little eyerolls at the boys when they're being dumbasses and your sense of humor and just......fuck, look at you! You're so fucking handsome and that's even with the clogs!"

He grabs your hands, rubbing his thumbs against the knuckles. His smile shining so bright even with the low light from the television that's now taken a backside seat of your conversation. He looks down at your entertwined hands.

"Calling you a friend and wanting to see you has gotten me out of bed so many days Y/N, I've lost count. I can't even imagine if you'd be more than a friend to me but I guess we can find out."

Your smile has extended to lengths you didn't know possible. Letting go of his hands, you wrap your arms around him instead.

"I forgot to say this, but I also love your hugs."

A chuckle escapes his chest and he holds you tighter, a kiss lands on your cheek. Time goes by as shows flash before your eyes, eventually leading to you falling asleep in his arms with him not too far behind.

*** Hours pass before you awake, head laying on his lap and knees tucked in. Sitting up, you find him using the arm rest as his pillow, arms crossed underneath his face. He looks so peaceful and you don't want to take him up but you want to sleep in your bed. 

Dare you ask if he wants to join you?

It'll just be us sleeping together in the same bed and maybe cuddles...?

You brush his curls away from his face, tucking what you can behind his ear as you shake him gently. 

"Hey Brian..?"

He doesn't stir, contemplating on just his carrying his lanky ass to your room. 

"Bri.. wake up, hon. Come on."

You continue rubbing his upper arm until he stirs awake, opening his eyes and squinting at the screen's light.

"...What time is it?"

"Late. Would you want to sleep on the couch or my bed?"

"I'm fine out here, I don't want to take your bed from you."

You smile and chuckly slightly.

"I mean share the bed with me."

He smiles at the idea but eyes are shy.

"I'd like that."

You two stand up, him shutting up the TV and you leading the way to your room with his hand in yours. Navigating the small hallway at night lead to him bumping into you twice, and him saying apologies but you could not care less.

Once in your room and switching on the light, he's greeted to your own personal space. He can see canvases with studio projects painted on them under your bed, posters littering your walls. Some local band shows you've attended, a Queen one catching his interest. His eyes also catch your Beatles poster, the one from their White Album. He also sees the pillow he used earlier that day when he was modeling along with the robe tossed into the corner with the rest of your dirty laundry.

"I think I might have a pair of pants you could wear unless you're not a pants to bed kind of guy."

"No pants is what I normally go for but if you're uncomfortable with that I ca-"

"It's fine with me, just no funny business, May."

"Are cuddles out of the equation?"

"I sure as hell hope not."

He smiles and removes his necklaces, placing them next to your sketchbooks on top of the small desk next to the bed. You change into sleep shorts as he takes his trousers off. 

Never thought I'd see that twice today.

Shutting off the light and climbing into bed, he goes first, leaving you in your usual spot. Fluffing up the pillows and adjusting the blankets now done, He wraps you in his arms almost immediately, lips kissing your cheek gently.

"You have enough pillows, Bri?"

"Yes. Thank you, love."

"Want me to grab another blanket?"

He laughs gently, kissing your face one last time.

"I'm more than okay."

You turn around to face him head on, able to make out where his eyes are looking. Fingers playing with one curl, eventually leading to caressing the side of his face. Thumb tracing over one of his cheekbones.

"You're so handsome, Bri."

"Ever look at yourself?"

"Do you always kiss ass?"

"Not until the 3rd date."

You slap his arm, laughing.

"I guess with that comment I won't give you a kiss goodnight."

His face contorts in fake hurt. It's wiped off as soon as you bring your lips to his, fingers gently caressing his jaw as you kiss him. Almost as fast as it happened, it stopped. Smiles painting both your faces.

"Goodnight Y/N."

"Goodnight Bri."

Turning back around, you scoot closer to him. Arms around your waist and face tucked near your shoulder, you two fall asleep. 

*** You wake up before him. His arms are still wrapped around your middle and your legs entangled with one anothers. Your bladder urging you out of the warm confines of your bed, you carefully move out of his grasp to not awake him. Mission was successful as you close the door behind you, hearing Freddie in the kitchen as you walk to the bathroom. After giving yourself a pep talk while washing you hands, you face your roommate, face giving you a smirk.

"Y/N....I saw his god awful shoes by the door but he wasn't on the couch. Please tell me the details, darling!"

"Nothing really happened, Fred! We ended up talking after you went to bed and he sort of told me he had feelings for me and we passed out on the couch."

"He finally told you? About fucking time! You have no idea how much Roger got on his case. Even Deaky was begging him to shut up and ask you out. 'Oh how is Y/N doing? Is she free sometime soon, Fred? What should I get her for Christmas? What does she like? Do you think she likes me?'....every practice Y/N..every practice."

"At least I finally got around to it, Freddie."

He wrapped his arms around you, voice heavy with sleep.

"Now I get to annoy you about her even more now that we're dating."

Brian kisses your neck as Freddie pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Please don't subject us to that. We've suffered enough, dear."

***

aaaay, it’s done! Tbh, I got the idea for this fic after looking through some of my life drawing sketches. Also, a tip with charcoal or chalk pastel drawings from an art student...use hair spray. It’s cheaper than fixitive spray, works just as well, doesn’t affect the colors in chalk pastels, and doesn’t harm your lungs with the fumes (not nearly as badly, anyway). Besides that, thank you so much for reading, liking, reblogging, etc 💖💖

[taylizmasterpost]

Swiftgron Shows Up, Liz Spirals (March 2012 - September 2012)

This is not going to be a timeline of Swiftgron and their relationship. For that, you can go to the @swiftgronmasterpost​. This is just to show how, when things got serious with Dianna, things deteriorated between Taylor and Liz:

25 March 2012 - Swiftgron go watch the Hunger Games together. Taylor follows Dianna on Twitter afterwards. This is likely their first actual date:

27 March 2012 - Liz tweets this:

Was this in response to Swifgron’s first date? Maybe. Was Liz jealous Taylor had pulled the exact same move on Dianna that she’d pulled on her back in 2009 when she took her to Valentine’s Day? Also maybe. But also maybe not. Still, #Lizgototherapychallenge.

30 March 2012 - Taylor introduces Dianna to her mom, they all get dinner together:

12 April 2012 - Dianna blows a kiss to Taylor on Jimmy Kimmel.

18 April 2012 - Mutual friend Chantelle tweets that she spent the night and early morning hanging out with TayLiz.

Chantelle will post a picture of her, Taylor and Liz hanging out in a kitchen together almost a year later -- when the girls don’t seem to be on speaking terms -- making me think this picture was taken on this night:

24 April 2012 - Swiftgron Shirley MacLane party happens:

27 April 2012 - Taylor and someone (possibly Liz) are papped getting lunch together in LA. The secret message for the song “The Last Time,” which will be written in a few months, is “LA On Your Break.” They’re certainly in LA, and the tour is certainly on break. Perhaps this is Taylor finally ending things with Liz.

Liz tweets at Taylor about Skittles later that day, making me think it was her at lunch.

28 April 2012 - Dianna’s birthday party. Taylor dresses as a tiger and leaves a note on the door with a joke they’d made that reads “I’m a little kitten and I need to nurse because I’m a runt and I’m likely to fall victim to predators.”

10 May 2012 - Taylor posts on Instagram “Going back to Nashville. Thinking about the whole thing. Guess you gotta run sometimes.”

This is from the song Nashville by David Mead. Other interesting lyrics include:

You’re a distant memory, you’re an exit sign I was talking crazy on the driver’s side

I was talking crazy on the driver’s side I will always love you like a long goodbye

The driving references are interesting, considering that Red has the theme of driving all over it. “I will always love you like a long goodbye” also seems to support the theory that Taylor has just finally broken things off with Liz.

15 May 2012 - Taylor finishes writing Everything Has Changed with Ed Sheeran then gets dinner with Dianna Ashley and Claire. The original lyrics of Everything Has Changed talk about “falling for a Gemini,” which describes Gemini Liz, but Taylor seems to have re-fitted the song to be about Dianna and removed those lyrics:

27 May 2012 - Liz’s birthday. Taylor does not tweet at her. No pictures are posted of the party, if there is one.

28 May 2012 - Taylor and Ed record Everything Has Changed:

Late May 2012 - Taylor writes The Last Time:

Here’s what she had to say about the inspiration for the song:

The Last Time is a hard song for me to analyze, not because I don’t have theories about what it means, but because I think Taylor is oversimplifying the story here. To me, looking at this song, assuming it’s about Liz, it reads less like a pleading “baby I want you back” song, and more like an “I’m losing you to addiction song.”

We haven’t fully gotten into this yet, but Liz was dealing with a lot of mental and internal shit at this time. According to rumor, she’s about to be let go from The Agency due to getting “out of control,” and the songs she writes this summer, including Wreck of Who I Am, definitely seem to imply she was trying to claw her way out of a spiral here. When I listen to The Last Time through this lens, it feels more like a last chance, pleading intervention.

Wreck of Who I Am:

And the tide is strong that it keeps me from the land

And I’m low on faith and I pray with shaky hands

Well it hurts like hell tryna tell myself

This ain’t the only thing that’s meant for me

Gotta piece back together the wreck of who I am

The Last Time

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye

And there’s also the fact that The Last Time seems like it was written on if not around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

3 June 2012 - Dianna jokes at the GLAAD Awards about having kissed girls before:

4 June 2012 - Liz does some songwriting of her own with Seth Jones and Megan Mace:

Taylor and Liz’s dresses from Mean are placed next to each other at the Speak Now Tour Exhibition:

10 June 2012 -  Taylor diaries about recording 22, and IKYWT, says she’s already written WANEGBT:

Story behind WANEGBT: I wrote it with Max Martin and Johan Shellback who are two of my songwriting heroes, they’re amazing. And we were in the studio, and we were writing a different song and this guy walks in who I- was- A friend of someone I had previously… dated. And he comes in and he’s like “Oh, I hear you and [redacted] are getting back together” and um that was like his opening line. And we weren’t. We’d done that whole like on/off on/off just the worst. Bleh. And um… And so when he left I just turned to Max and I was like “We are never getting back together. What? That’s ridiculous!” Um and I told them the whole situation as I do ‘cause I tend to share, as you know. And so uh he just looked at me and he was like “I know the song we’re writing today. Let’s start a new one.” And so I got the guitar and it just sort of happened and so uh this is that song.

So what we know from this is that it is HIGHLY more likely that a friend of Liz just happened to walk into the studio that day than a friend of either Jake or Dianna (I’m guessing someone from The Agency maybe? Taylor seems to fumble when choosing how to describe them)

Martin and Shellback are credited on three songs on red -- WANEGBT, IKYWT, and 22. We know Taylor wrote 22 here. She also says she “came back to trouble.” From that I can assume they were trying to write IKYWT when this story took place.

The secret message for WANEGBT is “When I stopped caring what you thought.” To me, this really signals things have broken down between them. Rather than the pleading in The Last Time, this is song is much more distant and moved on, where Taylor is able to have a sense of humor about the breakup.

18 June 2012 - A friend of Liz’s tweets this at Taylor (am I the only one sensing some shade??):

1 July 2012 - Liz does some songwriting in Nashville:

Between this session and the session on the fourth, presumably the songs she’d release later that winter (One Hand On the Wheel, Wreck of Who I Am, and Blessed Are the Brokenhearted) are written here, making it seem like Liz is processing both some depression and a breakup of some sort.

8 July 2012 - Taylor takes pictures with a fan at a coffee shop (presumably in Nashville). According to the fan’s account, Liz was also there, sitting at the table behind them. The fan ends up taking pictures with both Liz and Taylor:

I’m not entirely sure what this means for them. Obviously Taylor has just written The Last Time (presumably about Liz) and then gone off to Hy(i)annis port with Dianna to go frolic in the waves and all that, so I don’t think this means TayLiz is back on. However, we know from fan accounts (which I’ll get to in a second) that Liz thought she was going to be coming on the Red Tour until she was let go from The Agency in September. Perhaps this is some amount of reconciliation? A check in? An ultimatum to get her act together or she won’t be allowed on tour?

Truthfully, we can’t know for sure. But this is one of their last hang outs together (that we know of) this year.

13 August 2012 - Taylor’s Red Youtube Webchat. She describes what some of the songs on the album are about

22: This is a song that I wrote with Max Martin and Johan Shellback and it’s a song about the way I spent my summer when I was finishing this album. Kind of hanging out with my friends all the time and I really decided that I love being twenty two. It’s um kind of my favorite age that I’ve ever been. I kind of have like different theories of the years in my life and like what they meant and 22 has been so much fun. It’s- it’s been so much fun and I decided to write a song about that and just all the ridiculous nonsense that my friends and I got into. And, um, so this one’s called 22.

Treacherous: This is a song that I wrote with Dan Wilson… I’ve always wanted to work with him. So I called him and um it turned out that he was into the idea of working with me. And um so I went in with this idea and uh we wrote a song about when you’re falling for someone and you know that it’s dangerous. And you know that it could really really really really really just annihilate you if it were to not work out and it could possibly not work out and it probably won’t work out, but you go for it anyway. And so this is called Treacherous.

31 August 2012 - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together is released as a single. The MV features the rest of the Agency, but not Liz. Fans take notice.

13 September 2012 - The news breaks that Liz is leaving The Agency and will not be on the Red Tour:

Interestingly enough, according to the L Chat, Liz had been telling fans that she was planning on going on the Red Tour before this point, so something must’ve happened:

And because of this fan encounter below, we have somewhat of an idea of what it was:

So from the combined events of this summer we know this about Liz being let go:

1) Liz wrote songs that summer about having a hard time and trying to claw her way out of it.

2) Taylor and Liz met up twice that summer, and Taylor did not acknowledge Liz’s birthday publicly.

3) Taylor may have written The Last Time, a song about begging someone to choose you over other things (possibly addiction) on Liz’s birthday.

4) Liz thought she was going on The Red Tour.

5) Liz was fired for “getting out of control.”

The picture this paints to me is that, while Liz was spiraling, Taylor was trying to help her, using coming on the Red Tour as a reward for getting her act together. When she ultimately couldn’t, presumably after that meeting in July, Taylor had no choice but to ask her to leave the Agency, since hardcore intense tour life is likely the last thing Liz needed to get better. This is a really difficult and hard situation, regardless of whether or not the two women were ever sexually or romantically involved. 

Fortunately, as we’ll see moving forward, this seems to be the wake up call Liz needed to start the process of getting back on her feet. However, it’s clear that for at least a little bit after this, Taylor became a taboo topic around Liz. But ask anyone who’s dealt with addiction or helped a friend/family member through it -- there’s some resentment that’s bound to happen, even towards the people trying to help.

20 September 2012 - Liz spends “quality time” with Claire and Taylor:

I personally read this as one last hurrah of the trio after Liz was not asked back for the Red Tour. The “not mad at this day” feels a little weird to me too, and I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be shade or not. Either way, this is the last major interaction between Taylor and Liz for a while.

IN CONCLUSION: Liz had her demons. Whether this is what caused the end of her and Taylor’s relationship or something else, it’s almost certainly what caused her to not be asked back on the Red Tour. In the winter, she would release the music she was writing over the summer, making it clear she was going through some shit, probably not helped by seeing Taylor so obviously move on with Dianna. But this is the low point. Things with Liz can only go up from here.

Liz After the Agency (September 2012 - September 2014)

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MARCH + APRIL 21

March and April were a whirlwind of vaccines and awards shows! A full year after we starting staying at home, the end of this weird chapter in recent history seems like it might finally be coming to a close, and this pop culture awards season—typically a time full of fun and glamour—captured our moment weirdly well. (Emphasis on the weird.) This month’s recommendations is filled with more Critic Picks than usual, so without further delay, let’s dive right in...

March + April Crowd-Pleasers

Double Feature — 2018 Action Thrillers: Bad Times at the El Royale + Den of Thieves

In Bad Times at the El Royale (Crowd: 9/10, // Critic: 8/10), Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Chris Hemsworth, and Dakota Johnson are staying at a motel on the California-Nevada state line full of money, murder, and mystery. In Den of Thieves (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Gerard Butler takes on some of the best bank robbers in the world. Whether you like your action with a dose of mystery or the thrills of plot twists, these will fit the bill.

Double Feature — ‘80s Comedies: Caddyshack (1980) + Splash (1984)

In the mood for pure silliness? Take your pick between a mermaid and a gopher! Five years before The Little Mermaid, Tom Hanks fell for Daryl Hannah’s blonde hair and scaly tail, and John Candy was his goofy brother in Splash (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10). And four years before Ghostbusters, Bill Murray was the goof on a golf course full of funny people like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, and Ted Knight in Caddyshack (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10).

Double Feature — 1980s Coming-of-Age Films Starring Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and Challenging Brother Relationships That Influenced Stranger Things: Stand by Me (1986) + The Lost Boys (1987)

Believe it or not, I had no idea these two ‘80s classics had so much in common when I chose to watch them back-to-back. In Rob Reiner’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Stand by Me (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), four kids (Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, River Phoenix, and Wil Wheaton) are following train tracks to find a missing body. In The Lost Boys (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), Corey Haim and Jason Patric move to a small California town and discover it’s full of ‘80s movie star cameos and…vampires? One is a thoughtful coming-of-age story and one is just bonkers, but both are a great time.

Spaceman by Nick Jonas (2021)

My love for the Jonas Brothers is well-documented, so instead of going down the rabbit hole I started digging at 15, I’ll talk about how Nick Jonas’s latest solo album will likely appeal to a wider audience than just the fans of the brothers’ bombastic pop records. It’s full of catchy tunes you’ll play on repeat and an R&B-influenced album experience about the loneliness we’ve experienced in the last year and how we try to make long-term relationships work.

Ted Lasso (2020- )

I love stories about nice people crushing cruelty and cynicism with relentless kindness, and Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) is the warmest, most dedicated leader this side of Leslie Knope. Be sure to catch up on these witty and sweet 10 episodes before season 2 drops later this summer.

Double Feature — Tony Scott Action Flicks: Enemy of the State (1998) + The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Tony Scott’s movies have got explosions and excitement in spades. I love a good man-on-the-run movie, and in Enemy of the State (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), Will Smith is running through the streets of D.C. after getting evidence of a politician’s (Jon Voight) part in a murder. I also love a tense story set in a confined space, which is what Denzel Washington is dealing with in The Taking of Pelham 123 (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) after a hammy John Travolta takes a New York subway train hostage.

Double Feature — Baseball Movies: The Natural (1984) + Trouble With the Curve (2012)

Sue me—I love baseball movies. Robert Redford plays a fictional all-time great in the early days of the MLB in The Natural (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10), and Clint Eastwood plays a fictional all-time great scout in his late career in Trouble With the Curve (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10). If you love baseball or actors like Amy Adams, Glenn Close, Robert Duvall, and Justin Timberlake, these movies are just right here waiting for you.

Nate Bargatze: The Greatest Average American (2021)

Sue me—I enjoy Netflix standup comedy specials that are safe enough to watch with your whole family. That’s exactly the crowd I laughed with over Easter weekend, and while the trailer captures Bargatze’s relaxed vibe, it doesn’t capture how funny he really is.

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

I thought somewhere in my childhood I’d seen at least one of The Mighty Ducks movies, but after watching all three, I think my memories must’ve come from previews on the VHS tapes for other Disney movies I watched over and over again. The original still holds up as an grown-ups, which is why even my parents got sucked in to this family movie while just passing through the living room. Bonus for ‘80s movies lovers: Emilio Estevez is basically continuing Andrew Clark’s story from The Breakfast Club as an adult. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Double Feature — New, Dumb Action on Streaming: Godzilla vs. Kong + Thunder Force (2021)

If you want something intelligent, go ahead and skip to the next recommendation, but if you’re looking for something stupid fun, these are ready for you on HBO Max and Netflix. Thunder Force (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10) follows Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer as they train to become superheroes who take on superhuman sociopaths wreaking havoc on Chicago, and alongside Jason Bateman, they do it with a lot of laughs. Godzilla vs. Kong (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 5/10) is, um, exactly what it sounds like, so I’ll skip a plot summary and just say it’s exactly what you want from this kind of movie. #TeamKong

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

All you need to know is Russell Crowe is an outlaw, and Christian Bale is the guy who’s got to get him on the train to prison. I also watched the 1957 version, which is also a solid watch if you love classic Westerns. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

Marvel’s newest series isn’t nearly as inventive as WandaVision, and it may not land every beat, but it’s worth a watch for the fun new gadgets, Sebastian Stan’s dry joke delivery, and its exploration into themes of what makes a hero and what governments owe their citizens. It’s a pretty satisfying entry in the MCU canon, but I’d also recommend re-watching Captain America: Winter Soldier and Civil War—the canon is getting expansive, and it’s getting trickier every year to keep up with all the backstory.

March + April Critic Picks

Best of 2020 Picks

As per usual, the months leading up to the Oscars becomes a binge period for potential Oscar nominees. In March and April, I watched many of the films that made my Top 20 of 2020, including Boys State, The Father, Judas and the Black Messiah, Let Them All Talk, Minari, Nomadland, On the Rocks, One Night in Miami…, Promising Young Woman, Soul, and Sound of Metal. You can read how I ranked them on my list for ZekeFilm, plus reviews of The Father, Minari, Promising Young Woman, and Soul.

Bonus: If you loved On the Rocks, don’t miss this feature and beautiful photography starring Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, and Rashida Jones for W Magazine. 

Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

What would you do if you started hearing a voice who narrated your every thought and move? If you’re Will Ferrell, you’ll seek out a literary professor (Dustin Hoffman), fall in love (with Maggie Gyllenhaal), and track down the voice (Emma Thompson) who’s making ominous predictions about your future. Stranger Than Fiction is funny thought-provoking, and an unusual but welcome role for Ferrell. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

All the Royal Family News

Speaking of stranger than fiction, it’s been a busy few months for the Royal Family. We’ve celebrated 95th birthday of Queen Elizabeth, the 3rd birthday of Prince Louis, and the 10th anniversary of Will and Kate’s marriage. We also lost Prince Philip, and we watched the drama of Harry and Meaghan’s interview with Oprah. No matter what happens to their Crown, I don’t think we’ll ever get over our fascination with the Windsor family. A few pieces worth reading from the last few months:

“In Meghan and Harry’s Interview, Two TV Worlds Collided,” Vulture.com

“The Queen’s Man: Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Dies,” TIME.com

“Obituary: HRH The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh,” BBC.com

Goodfellas (1990)

One of my film opinions that makes me feel like a phony is that Martin Scorsese just isn’t my cup of tea. He’s brilliant, but his films tend to be long and dark, two qualities that are never my first choice…and somehow Goodfellas still worked for me? Maybe it was the TV edit graciously toning down the violence or maybe it was that Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci were firing on all cylinders, but for some reason this ‘90s classic didn’t suck the joy out of my evening like Scorsese often does. (Bonus: For a Martin Scorsese/Robert De Niro I don’t really recommend, head to the last section of this Round Up.)

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) (2021)

Her voice has only matured, so Taylor Swift revisiting her old albums is like upgrading a blast to the past. Plus, the six new tracks make me feel like 15 crushing on that boy in Spanish class again, and her Grammys performance (just before her third Album of the Year win) was magical and folklore-tastic.

Double Feature — ‘60s Action Classics: The Guns of Navarone (1961) + Planet of the Apes (1968)

The Guns of Navarone (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Gregory Peck and David Niven as they destroy Nazi weapons in the Mediterranean. Planet of the Apes (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Charlton Heston as he attempts to escape from, well, a planet full of apes. The pacing of ‘60s films doesn’t always hold up, but that’s not the case with this pair. Both are still full of suspense, and you can’t go wrong hanging with casts like these.

Let Him Go (2020)

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane play a farming couple who unexpectedly help raise a boy who lost his biological father—sound familiar? But instead of a superhero origin story, they’re part of a thrilling Western with performances nuanced (Costner and Lane) and showy (Lesley Manville). If I’d watched this before completing my Best of 2020 piece, it likely would’ve been on my list. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Oscars

I’m a ride-or-die fan of the Academy Awards, but I’ll admit even I found this year’s ceremony odd. Instead of focusing on what wasn’t so hot, I’ll recommend a few moments you don’t want to miss:

Emerald Fennell giving a shout-out to Saved by the Bell

Daniel Kaluuya acknowledging his parents’ sex life during his acceptance speech (??)

Yuh-Jung Yoon flirting with Brad Pitt and acknowledging she’s just “luckier” than her fellow nominees

Glenn Close dancing to…”Da Butt”?

You can also read about the historic wins and nominations from this year’s Oscar class and why the Golden Globes were an even stranger production weeks earlier.

Trailer-palooza!

Movies are on their way back, y’all! I’m counting down the days until I can get back to a theatre, and even if some of these movies are duds, I’m planning to see all of them on a big screen if possible:

Those Who Wish Me Dead (May 14)

Cruella (May 28)

In the Heights (June 11)

Space Jam 2 (July 16)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (September 3)

West Side Story (December 10)

Also in March + April…

To add to the Oscars love, you can listen to a conversation about what we learn about family, community, and society in some of the year’s biggest nominees on the Uncommon Voices podcast. I join regular hosts Michael and Kenneth in this episode, and I recommend all of their thoughtful discussions on their “What’s Streaming” episodes.

I’ve previously recommended the Do You Like Apples weekly newsletter, so I’m proud to share I contributed twice in March! I wrote about Love and Basketball, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and one of my all-time favorite Julia Roberts rom-coms, Notting Hill. (I also tied to win their Oscars pool, but I suppose that’s less exciting for you than me.)

It was a busy couple of months on SO IT’S A SHOW! New logo, new email list, new Instagram, and a host of new episodes about a flop of a Madonna flick, a Swedish children’s TV show, an urban legend turned into a horror movie, one of the best films about journalism ever, and a Martin Scorsese movie about a real boxer.

Most of what I wrote for ZekeFilm in March and April was mentioned in Best of 2020 recommendations…except for The Nest, a film that couldn’t figure out what genre it wanted to be.

Photo credits: Nick Jonas, Royal Family. All others IMDb.com.

[jacaranda-bloom]

Monthly fic rec showcasing some of the fics I’ve read this month, and let me tell, you there have been a lot -  partly because I’m reprioritising my reading again and partly because we are being inundated with an avalanche of amazing fics at the moment. So yeah, be prepared for a fairly sizeable list under the cut.

In this instalment, there are fics from @sunflowrsix @kiddleau @metal-eye @flamboyantommo @icanhazzalou @sadaveniren @crinkle-eyed-boo @lululawrence @beau-soleil-louis​ @homosociallyyours @kingsofeverything @crazyupsetter @laynefaire and @allwaswell16.

Thank you to all the writers for sharing their wonderful talent with us. Please don’t forget to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoy their work. 💜

💜 an entire desert in our hourglass by tofiveohfive

@sunflowrsix Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 19k

# Pre-apocalypse, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, post break-up, getting back together, anal sex, alcohol.

The world is ending. Harry comes over.

💜 bloodsport by tofiveohfive 

@sunflowrsix

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 40k

# Friday Night Lights AU, angst, post break-up, getting back together, underage drinking, anal sex, American football.

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”

Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.

He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.

“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

💜 Half A Million Strong by kiddle

@kiddleau Part 1 of the Woodstock Series

Harry/Louis | Mature | 51k

# Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Historical, 1960′s, Woodstock, Coming of Age, Recreational Drug use.

Louis Tomlinson is a young writer for a relatively new-on-the-scene rock magazine called Rolling Stone. His assignment is to fly across the country to cover the highly anticipated Woodstock Music and Art Festival. Armed with a notebook, audio recorder, and a camera, Louis just needs one big interview.

Harry Styles. A new name in rock music and a future name in rock history. His first album sold tens of thousands and his interviews attract audiences across the country. He has the poetry of Jim Morrison and the stage presence of Mick Jagger. And after seeing him perform at the festival, Louis is willing to jump through hoops to put Harry on the cover of Rolling Stone.

💜 Gather No Moss by kiddle

@kiddleau Part 2 of the Woodstock Series

Harry/Louis | Mature | 50k 

# Friends to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Historical, 1960′s, Pining Tour bus, Coming of Age, Recreational Drug use.

Music journalist Louis Tomlinson will do just about anything to get a story he’s passionate about. Including spending a week on tour with the hard-to-manage rockstar-in-the-making Harry Styles. In the late 60s, every long-haired kid thinks they can make it in music, and Louis’ job is to figure out what exactly makes Harry so special. That is if he can get him to put down the bottles and guitars to answer a question truthfully.

💜 Caught By The Sun by metal_eye

@metal-eye Tumblr Fic Post Part 1 of the Caught By The Sun series

Harry/Louis | Mature | 19k

# Cabin AU, Summer Romance, Young Love, Skinny Dipping, First Time, Idiots In Love, Symbolic Thunderstorms, Bonfires.

He came every summer. It wasn’t even a question. Harry and his parents—one step, one real—picked up their lives, packed it into a car, and drove long enough to land at the ends of the earth.

The cabin had been in his family for a hundred years. There was no TV, no phone, no computer, no radio. There were decks of cards and plastic deer and marbles. There were skis and leaves and a treehouse.

And then there was Louis.

Or, Harry and Louis meet every summer at the lake.

💜 Somewhere Where You’re There by metal_eye

@metal-eye Part 2 of the Caught By The Sun series

Harry/Louis | Mature | 4k

# Cabin AU, Timestamp, Nostalgia, Blow Jobs, Boat Sex, Lake Sex.

The greatest luxury, in this new part of their lives, should have been time. It stretched at varied intervals with no attention to what the real world might find convenient. Hours yawned like horses’ mouths, stretching backwards in the effort of seconds. Except that Harry couldn’t help feeling like he’d missed out, somehow. That he needed to hurry. They’d been denied their formative horny years. Something had to give.

A Caught by the Sun timestamp in which they are both lazy and horny, and some things get resolved.

💜 Members Only by kikikryslee

@flamboyantommo Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Mature | 14k

# Gyms, Boxing, Awkward Flirting, Mutual Pining. Locker Room, Semi-Public Sex, Smut.

“Well, I’m gonna go work out now, so…” Harry said, his voice trailing off. Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go get, uh, you know, strong and buff.” What? Louis wanted to die. “Um, thanks?” Harry said. “Um…” Without another word, Harry walked away from the desk. Louis pinched his thigh – hard – hoping that was some terrible, awkward nightmare that he might soon wake up from. Or, the one where Louis works at Harry's new gym and neither one of them knows how to hold a coherent conversation with the other.

💜 I’d Still Dance With You by kikikryslee

@flamboyantommo Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Mature | 57k

# Age Difference, Louis is 28, Harry is 21, Mutual Pining, Angst, Student Harry, Ad Exec Louis, Slow Burn, Smut, Bottom Harry, Top Louis.

“Well, I’m gonna go work out now, so…” Harry said, his voice trailing off. Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go get, uh, you know, strong and buff.” What? Louis wanted to die. “Um, thanks?” Harry said. “Um…” Without another word, Harry walked away from the desk. Louis pinched his thigh – hard – hoping that was some terrible, awkward nightmare that he might soon wake up from. Or, the one where Louis works at Harry's new gym and neither one of them knows how to hold a coherent conversation with the other.

💜 Naked and Proud by kiwikero

@icanhazzalou Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 19k

# Farmer Harry, Songwriter Louis, Small Town, Organic Food, Summer Romance, Lust At First Sight, Pining, Smut.

The town itself is tiny, as evidenced by the ten minutes it’s taken Louis to drive the entire thing. There’s not a single recognisable brand in sight—no Tesco or McDonald’s or even a bloody Starbucks. Lining the streets instead are mom and pop stores with names like ‘Jerry’s Burgers’ and ‘The Market Basket’ and…

“'Naked & Proud?'” Louis almost slams on the brakes at the outlandish sign, the name written in a seemingly innocent font, words curved around a large cartoon peach. He can’t help turning into the carpark, easing the car into a spot next to a beat up truck.

He isn’t sure what to make of it. Surely it isn’t a strip joint or sex shop, not with the families and little old ladies going in and out of the establishment. Some kind of nudist hangout, perhaps?

And, oh, God. Did Louis’ mother accidentally send him to live in a nudist colony?

In which Harry runs an organic store, not a nudist colony, and Louis doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

💜 Paint The Sky With Stars by kiwikero

@icanhazzalou Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Mature | 63k

# Titanic AU, Strangers to Lovers, Happy Ending.

On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.

Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.

By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.

Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.

Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

💜 Just For Tonight (I can be yours) by SadaVeniren

@sadaveniren Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 43k

# ABO, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Prince Harry Styles, Secret Relationship, Arranged Marriage, Mpreg Harry, Smut.

Harry, prince of Cestrescir, has been betrothed to Ludvic, prince of Yorvik, since birth. He'd accepted a loveless marriage as his duty to his country, until an accident threw him in the path of a gentle alpha.

💜 Live A Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire (HisDarlin)

@laynefaire Tumblr Fic Post

Liam/Zayn | Explicit | 58k

# Exes to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Farm Setting, Vineyard, B&B, Horses, Smut, (check full tags).

It’s 2025.

After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour.

With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

💜 Mine Would Be You by crinkle-eyed-boo

@crinkle-eyed-boo Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 115k

#  Exes to Lovers, Artist Harry, Writer Louis, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Jumps, Smut.

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

💜 Own The Scars by crinkle-eyed-boo

@crinkle-eyed-boo Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 115k

#  Friends to Lovers, Drug Addiction, Coma, Rehab, Intervention, Recovery, Therapy, Tomlinshaw (Larry Endgame), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, (check full tags).

“But I don’t belong here,” Louis insists. “Why do you say that?” James asks. “These people are all drug addicts and alcoholics,” Louis shrugs. Something sparks in James’ eyes. “And you’re not?”

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

💜 Fiction Romance by orphan account

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 18k

#  Strangers to Lovers, Blind Date, Punk Louis, Student Harry, Smut.

Harry has a type.

He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.

Niall knows this.

And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.

💜 If Only We Wish Hard Enough by lululawrence

@lululawrence Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Not Rated | 5k

# Peter Pan Fusion, Louis is Peter, Harry is Tinkerbelle (except he’s the same size as Louis), Friends to Lovers (no smut), Flirting, Pining, Fluff.

Before Harry let Louis know he was there, he gave himself a moment to just admire him. Truly take him in.

Today, Louis was wearing one of his soft, simple green dresses that in many ways resembled the ones fairies often wore. Harry loved when Louis wore dresses. They showed off Louis’ waist and thighs more than any of his other outfits, and Harry loved that about them.

“You know I can hear your wings fluttering so you aren’t fooling anyone,” Louis said before turning and looking over his shoulder.

Or the five times fic where Louis is Peter Pan, Harry is his best friend Tinkerbelle, and it takes them awhile but they figure things out.

💜 I Can’t Do This Alone (Sometimes I just need a light) by Only_angel_28

@beau-soleil-louis Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Not Rated | 8k

# Strangers to Lovers (no smut), Meet Cute, Doctor Harry, Tattoo Artist Louis, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Loneliness, Touch-Starved Harry, Flirting, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, (check full tags).

“Harry,” he says after another contemplative moment, “can I hug you?”

It’s been...well, Harry doesn’t actually know how long it’s been. Less than an hour, probably, but already Louis says his name like it’s safe in his mouth, and now he’s opening his arms like Harry could be safe there too.

“Please,” Harry nearly sobs, and sinks into him the way butter melts on toast. It’s an apt metaphor, really, because what Louis is giving him is as essential and sustaining as a loaf of bread to a starving man. His basic need for physical affection is as vital as his need for sustenance, for sleep, and he can’t believe he’s allowed himself to ignore it for so long.

Or: Harry is having a rough time. Louis is the kind stranger who makes him smile again.

💜 You Make Lovin’ Fun by homosociallyyours

@homosociallyyours  Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 110k

# Girl Direction, Strangers to Lovers, Polyamory, Cruise Ships, Silver Fox Louis, Daddy Kink, Age Difference, Smut.

Harry is a 28 year old travel writer at a gay magazine who gets the assignment to go a lesbian cruise. She figures it's a nice chance to have some fun in the sun, but she's not expecting much else-- even if her partner and best friend are both encouraging her to hook up with someone while she's there.

When she locks eyes with a gorgeous silver fox from across the room, she starts to think she could've been wrong. There are lots of things standing in the way of anything real happening with her and Louis, but that doesn't stop them from falling for one another. True love isn't always easy, but they do make lovin' fun.

💜 As Deep As The Sky by swallowsmateforlife

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 12k

# ABO, Strangers to Lovers, Alpha Harry, Omega Louis, Smut.

A passed-out omega on the bathroom floor isn't exactly what Harry had in mind when he thought about taking a cute boy home. The idea of leaving Louis there, vulnerable and unresponsive, weighs guiltily at Harry's conscience. Turns out it's the best decision he'll ever make.

💜 Someone To Fly Home To by kingsofeverything

@kingsofeverything Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 35k

# Exes to Lovers, Divorce, Older Harry/Louis (in their 50s), Pilot Louis, Teacher Harry, Smut.

Louis. 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to. Harry swipes right.

💜 Ghost Note Symphony by whoknows

@crazyupsetter

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 96k

# Proximity Curse, Blood and Gore, Supernatural Elements, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Smut, (check full tags).

Louis is on tour when he first hears about it. It’s all over the news – Harry Styles Attacked By Fan runs in headlines for days. It’s not even just the gossip rags, either. Actual journalists are covering the story. It would have been impossible to avoid hearing about it. Technically, Oli is the one who tells Louis about it, but it’s not exactly being covered up. Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ text asking if he’s alright, but that’s not really surprising. They haven’t spoken for months, and it’s been a lot longer than that since they’ve had a real conversation. The sting of the text going unanswered is still there, less painful than it might have been a few years ago.

It’s not that it’s easy to forget about, exactly. Louis has a whole life outside of One Direction now, though. So Louis goes on with his life, figuring that if Harry was seriously hurt he would have heard about it by now. He might currently be in the same country as Harry, but being on opposite sides of it puts enough distance between them that putting it in the back of his mind is easy. There’s nothing Louis could do, even if he thought Harry might want him to.

That’s why everything that happens next comes as a complete shock to him.

💜 Soaked In The Blood Of Angels by whoknows

@crazyupsetter

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 41k

# Creatures AU, Vampires, Incubus, Dubious Consent, Blood and Violence, Smut, (check full tags).

The boy looks drugged, caught between a man who’s almost twice his size and a girl who looks like she wouldn’t even break a sweat snapping him in half despite her small stature, eyes closed and mouth open as he pants, arching up between them almost as if he’s trying to escape.

Normally, Harry would ignore it and continue on his search for someone to drink from, someone who wouldn’t mind his sharp teeth and rough hands. He’s seen plenty of boys like this one, ones who picked the wrong playmates, and if he stopped to rescue every single one of them he would have died from thirst a long time ago.

This one, though. There’s something about this one, the sheen of his bright blue eyes as he blinks slowly, looks around as though he doesn’t know where he is, the weakness of his hands as he tries to push the girl off of him and make his escape.

💜 Say Something by kingsofeverything

@kingsofeverything Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 105k

# ABO, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Age Difference, 50 Year Old Harry, 28 Year Old Louis, Insecure Harry, Unplanned Pregnancy, Lawyer Harry, Theatre Manager/Actor Louis, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, (check full tags).

At fifty years old and recently divorced, Omega Harry Styles isn't interested in dating. When his doctor suggests a heat and rut matching service, he signs up out of necessity. It’s the only use he has for an Alpha in his life.

Twenty-eight-year-old Alpha Louis Tomlinson aims to change that.

💜 Until by allwaswell16

@allwaswell16 Tumblr Fic Post

Harry/Louis | Explicit | 38k

# Strangers to Enemies to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Actor Harry, Songwriter Louis, Cowboy Harry, Farm Setting, Smut.

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

[moonlightdreamzz]

Serenity — Mark Lee

Request: “Hi love! 💋 can you do a scenario with Mark Lee where he sees you being too in your head, stressing about life, being low-key frantic, freaking out about basically nothing, pulling at your hair, over organizing, etc. and he tries to calm you down and get you to relax in however way you see fit??? That was a whole lot... sorry lol”

A sight always too painful to see—you in distress. Mark can’t stand to watch you pulling at your scalp, taking deep breaths in attempt to calm your staggered breathing. Watching you run around the house, scrambling to clean every spec of dirt, delete every residue; he always was quick to step in and tell you to stop.

You getting like this wasn’t a common sight. Truthfully, you never got angry when you were supposed to. In those moments, you would suppress your feelings, always wanting to stay the ray of sunshine you had been labeled as. Mark is watching the way your curves are making their presence known in your velvet pajama shorts, and crop top that will show what’s his if you reach up the shelf just a little bit more, and his fingers are rubbing up and down his legs. He’s thinking about all the times where he would get on you about being so nice to the wrong people.

“Slow down.” He finally speaks, but still he doesn’t move.

Not to his surprise, you ignore his request. Quite frankly, you probably can’t even hear him. Once you get in this zone, you’re stuck until someone yanks you out and Mark understands this—he understands you, so he’s up and he’s walking to the bookshelf where he finds his home behind you. His arms snake themselves around your frame, and he makes sure to press his soft cheek to yours.

You’re trying to move, but he can feel you giving up slowly.

“Just let me finish re-arranging these, please.”

Your voice is slightly cracked as you whisper your request, and naturally, Mark presses a kiss to your ear. It’s poetic, similar to when he has a pen and pad in his reach, and he doesn’t remove it. He keeps his lips there, even as you try to wiggle out.

“This isn’t what you need.” He says. “You need me.”

“Why don’t you help me with this?”

“Because this isn’t how you cope with your problems. I promise you this is only making you more stressed.”

He waits in position, expecting you to at least turn around and look at him with your beautiful eyes that could bring a thousand memories to his foggy mind, but you don’t. You lean over the shelf, placing your forearm down for your forehead to land on. You’re fighting yourself. One half of you so badly wants to tell him to please just give you an hour alone to rummage through all the unpacked boxes from your home, or unnecessarily clean the bathroom, but then the other half—the half that Mark is trying to get to hear him wants to relax. It knows it needs to have a seat and talk to your boyfriend who’s only passion in his personal life is to make your everyday serene.

You take another deep breath before dropping everything to the ground.

“Mhm.” He cheers and rubs your belly at the same time, although his voice is still very quiet.

“You’re lucky you’re you.”

And he is. He knows the power he holds over your entire being, and he can’t say he doesn’t enjoy it. The way you look at him, crave him—it makes him feel like the most important man in the world, and he has a duty. He’ll never take advantage of it though. I mean, how could he when he feels the same way about you? You have him on lock, and the key was thrown away a long time ago.

“Your hair looks nice.” He compliments as the two of you plop down on the couch. It was a wig he had seen you purchase not too long ago over a very lengthy FaceTime call. Of course it looked amazing on you. Everything did.

He can’t help but notice the way you lean towards his opposite. He knows you’re not upset with him, but he always gets so somber when you run from him regardless.

“Thanks.” You sigh, and your hands are covering your face. The french tip polish that’s covering your fingers are a perfect match; your hickory colored skin creating the perfect comparison point for him, and anybody else who was an intellectual.

“Your skin looks good too.” With this statement, he rests his hand on your ankle, rubbing up and down.

“I’ve been using that new face wash you gave me for Christmas.”

Anybody else would assume they’re talking to a wall, but Mark doesn’t mind. He presses his lips to your knee, before slapping your butt. “Talk to me.” He prompts. His sweet demeanor is still there, but his tone has become much more firm. You don’t have but so many more seconds to speak before he starts to purposely annoy the truth out of you.

“Honestly babe, it’s so stupid.”

“I know.” He says instantly, and he mentally slaps himself. The shocked expression on your face tells him that you weren’t expecting it either, but it also makes a smile creep onto your features. “Wait wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, I know you sometimes get stressed about small stuff. But it’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like you walk around pushing people and yelling at them.”

“I know.” You breathe out, “I just have so much studying to do it doesn’t make sense.” You’re finding your voice just as you always do, and he always loves this part. You’re about to rant about everything that’s happened in your week. Well at least, that’s what he was expecting. You tell him a dribble of things that annoyed you, but after that, you stop. You also find your way into his hold, and he doesn’t hesitate to embrace you tightly. “Make me feel better.” You mumble straight into his chest.

“In which way?” His eyebrow raises, and as soon as you laugh, his hand is slapping your behind again with a thud as his bottom lip connects with his teeth.

“I’m not some toy, Mark.” You giggle, but even so, you’re straddling him.

“You’re right.” Your lips connect sweetly, “You’re not some toy, you’re my toy.”

“Is that right?”

“You don’t agree?”

You don’t respond—well, verbally. Your bodies are connecting in something heated before you pull away.

“Let’s make dinner.”

“Okay.” He speaks quickly before moving back to your neck.

Your hands are on his chest pushing him back. “No Mark, I mean right now.” You’re teasing him, but he never minded. He would wait forever for you, and you know that.

“You want your favorite?” He sighs, although the smirk is prominent on his face even through his flushed and hued red features.

“Well, I get that after dinner.” You say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “But I do want my second favorite.”

“Aka something I can’t make. You want me to call Doyoung don’t you?”

“No. I want me and you to go in that kitchen and do a lot of stupid things.”

Any other day, he would fight it, but he can’t now. Your eyes are too pure as your hands rests on his cheeks, nose nuzzling his own.

“Okay. But don’t get mad when I burn your shit, baby.”

“You won’t!” You assure, before he’s picking you up in the same position, and running you two into the kitchen.

Mark was in fact correct, just as he always was. It was actually worse than be predicted, and you also ended up cutting your finger.

“I told you.” He says, voice echoeing through your large bathroom.

“You did tell me.” You pout like a child.

He’s wrapping up all your wounds better than you would have imagined. You expected everything to fall out of place the minute his hands released the cloth, but he didn’t.

“I have a better, more safe idea.”

“Mark—

“Shh.” He voices, pressing a finger to your plump lips. Of course you kiss it, and that brings an intense smile to your boyfriends cheeks. “Come on.” He encourages with a hand.

Mentally, you’re questioning it all, but you take his hand anyway, letting him lead you back to the living room. He’s rummaging through your many movies, and you’re about to sit on the couch before he pulls out a much bigger object. It’s Frank Oceans first album—made to be played on an original record player.

“You don’t have to do this.” You plead. You know how much Mark hates to dance, especially in a setting like this, but he ignores you just as you did to him earlier.

“I know.” He agrees. He approaches the device smoothly, lifting what you referred to as “the pointy thingy”. He places the cd on the spinner gently, pressing the button to make it move.

Thinkin Bout You is slowly crawling all over the walls, and bringing chills up your spine. Mark was constantly playing this song on the guitar and whether you had the voice of an angel didn’t matter. You both would make attempts to sing in attempt to make your day a little brighter.

You’re so lost in your recollections, you jolt when your boyfriend approaches you—left hand on your waist and the other grabbing your hand to hold. “Don’t try to fight me on this.” He whispers, and it’s in a tone you had never heard before. He was always so gentle with you, but as if it was even possible, his voice is even lightly and fluffier. He was really worried about you this time.

“I won’t.” You agree, putting your chin on his shoulder.

The two of you are swaying side to side, allowing Sir Ocean to keep your steps in check.

“How was your day?” You finally break the silence, but even so, your voice is barely audible.

“It’s always a great day when I’m with you like this.” He mumbles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No—I mean thank you for—

“Always knowing what to do.” He’s chuckling. Even when you try to take away his credit for knowing your every move, he proves you wrong.

You’re shy, head buried into his shoulder now. “Exactly.”

“You know I’m always going to be here for you, right? I’ll never get tired of this.”

“I hope so.”

“Don’t hope—know. I love you.” Are his last words before he’s haulting your dancing slowly. Now his arms are wrapped around your waist, and his kisses are wetting your neck. It’s loving, and it’s proving he meant what he said as if he was touching you already. Your favorite feeling is up next—him rubbing up and down your back, then moving to your bossum. “Let me show you. Can I show you?” Are his final words before he’s picking you up and lightly placing you on the couch.

His kisses are hungry, and they’re saying I love you all at once. Mark was so, so good at making you feel like the only girl in the world.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Liv Kristine interview for Headbanger's Land

Liv Kristine is a Norwegian soprano singer and songwriter. Former singer of the Norwegian Gothic Metal band Theater of Tragedy, also former singer of the German-Norwegian band Leaves' Eyes. She is currently part of the bands Coldbound and Mindnattsol, in addition to releasing solo albums since 1998.

HL - Liv, first I want to thank you for this interview. I have been following her work for many years, it is a great honor for me.

- You are a pioneer of this “Beauty and the Beast” style that many other bands started to use, what do you think of that?

Liv Kristine: I thank you for your compliment, Antônio. I grew up with metal, my parents being really young when I was born in 1976. I have been listening to Black Sabbath since I entered this planet. Metal was, so to speak, in my bottle. Back in the early 90s I got to know Raymond and a couple of his friends. We formed a band and started composing music together that was given the name Theatre of Tragedy. Ray and I were students of English at the university of Stavanger, Norway, and brought our passion for Shakespeare, Poe and Emerson into the lyrics in the form of poems. There was so much passion in our music, we just loved what we were creating and actually didn’t care much about the reactions of the rest of the world. Then the rest of the world became aware of our art and it was called "The beauty and the beast“ style. I am really grateful for everything that our fans, friends and followers have and still are giving us. It is a true honour for me and my band to be called a pioneer.

HL - You recently toured with Raymond István Rohonyi, how was it for you to sing with him again? Is there a possibility of a Theater Of Tragedy meeting?

Liv Kristine: It was such an amazing tour back then in 2015. I was so happy to share stage with Ray again. Every time I am at home in Stavanger I meet with some of the ToT guys for a few beers and even rehearsals, however, Raymond hasn’t been joining in so far. I really don’t know if there will ever be a reunion. Some of us, however, would really love to make music and be back on stage again.

HL - How do you analyze the evolution of your solo albums, and for you, what is the biggest difference of the "Skylight" for others?

Liv Kristine: Every solo album represents a chapter in my life. Every release has a very important message. Sometimes when I am looking back on my albums the lyrics scare me a bit. It’s like looking into the mirror. It’s very personal and direct. Every lyric and every tone is written and sung in a very personal way. It all comes from the heart and is based on life experience.My EP "Have Courage Dear Heart“ was released in April. It is categorised as an EP, but actually it’s a whole album of music. It contains 5 new studio songs and 5 live recordings from my special annual concert in Nagold, Germany, 2019. It’s my first time on vinyl ever! It is really personally connected. And the message is tattooed on by body: Have the courage to open up your heart to breathe freely and deeply again, to love again, to love yourself and be good to yourself, to heal and to practice compassion in your response to the world, even if there is suffering on your way. I embrace Buddhism, saying that we have to accept that there is suffering in life, however, we must go within and face our fears, then look for the cause. Then there will be relief and balance. And silence.

HL - You have made several special partitions throughout your career, one of them is in the Myrkgand of the Brazilian Dmitry Luna, talk a little more about this participation

Liv Kristine: Dmitry is a great composer and I like the contrasting elements and emotions in his songs. There’s a fine balance between tragedy and grand, open moments. We even have common friends, one of them being Tommy Lindal - the first guitar player of Theatre of Tragedy, who also lived in Bali for many years. When Dmitry asked me to have a listen to one of his compositions I immediately knew what to sing and how.

HL - Liv, your part in the song "Nymphetamine (Fix)" (2004) by Cradle of Filth is very striking, maybe this is the most popular song from one of the biggest bands of Black / Gothic Metal, what are your memories of that era ? Did you go back to make a partition on the track “Vengeful Spirit” from the album “Cryptoriana” (2017), how is your relationship with Dani Filth?

Liv Kristine: I have to say that „Nymphetamine“ is a masterpiece. Dani told me back in 2004 that he really wanted that soft „honey voice“ as he called it. As I heard the track I just knew we would create a perfect frequency for this song. In 2017 Dani contacted me again and I was really happy to reconnect. We had some really good times together in London’s Dungeons in 2004, shooting the clip for "Nymphetamine“. It was really dark and muddy, but the clip is amazing and I had a good laugh with Dani and the guys in-between the takes.

HL - How was it to perform with Eluveitie at Wacken in 2016?

Liv Kristine: I really am happy to have been part of that. Somehow, however, the songs I performed on turned into longer versions on stage and I had to be creative, filling in. I don’t think the audience ever noticed, really.

HL - Still on the participations, if you could choose a band to make a participation, which would it be?

Liv Kristine: I can’t decide, really…Kate Bush, Ozzy, Voyager, Oceans of Slumber, Sting.

HL - Liv, are there any Brazilian bands that you listen to frequently?

Liv Kristine: Vênus, every now and then, which is really old-school but authentic, in my opinion. I love the cracking of the vinyl spinning.

HL - Tell me how the invitation to join Coldbound came about

Liv Kristine: I got involved with Coldbound in 2020, over a years ago. Pauli, who is a really good friend of my fiancé, Michael (Allegro Talent Music), sent him that one track, asking if I might consider being a duet part of it. I have to say that I was impressed, instantly. I felt like travelling back in the times of Theatre of Tragedy. Pauli let me re-write the lyrics to fit my melody lines and as my vocals were finished in the studio, I told Michael and Pauli that it feels like singing on a song that was made for me. It’s such a beautiful and powerful composition and I kept thinking "what if Pauli’s got more of that brilliant music“…Pauli must have sensed it as he asked me to join Coldbound later that year, which I did, feeling really safe and free with my decision. Meiju and Pauli are like a family, a soul family, a very rare connection in my life.

HL - “Slumber Of Decay” is one of the songs that I've heard the most in the last few weeks, it's really cool! What can we expect from the band's new work?

Liv Kristine: I thank you. Concerning our future musical releases, we have a double album at the moment and we are working very intensively on balancing everything, creating a beautiful story to be told, wrapped in in beautiful tones and a unique musical sphere. "Slumber of Decay“ was released in February, and we are thinking to release another single, maybe. The album will be released when all recordings have been done. Some of my vocals are missing still and the process slowed down due to the pandemic situation. I actually should have recorded my vocals in Sweden last year.

HL - You joined Midnattsol where you sing along with your sister Carmen Elise, how was that experience for you?

Liv Kristine: Absolutely wonderful and very important for me, especially after what happened to my former band. I thank my beautiful sister, Carmen, and all the guys of Midnattsol for the album we did together.

HL - Liv, I want to thank you again for this interview, it is a great honor for me, leave a comment for Headbanger's Land fans and followers. Hugs and success

Liv Kristine: I thank you for everything. Please be safe and hope to visit Brazil some day soon. It’s such a beautiful country and I am so grateful for all your support and patience.