#just the already canonical ones
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The Parable of the Drunken Man
A short tale about Robert Nash and the devil himself, part of a longer tale that has not yet been written
The drunken man is already drunk when he stumbles up to the liquor store, which he probably should have figured out meant trouble, big trouble, should have been able to see the walls of the hole he’d dug for himself. But it's a sunny day — five o’clock nowhere, oh how deep, oh how deep — and he’s not thinking about much besides getting through the glass push door with the little jingle bell on the top. He makes it up all the steps and only stumbles once, bangs his hip on the railing fucking ow. He makes it through the door too, jingle jingle, hey, just like Christmas, that’s coming up, it’s getting cold. Ice box inside is cold, the big fridges are cold, he could grab some Fitgers like his daddy drank but they shuttered their doors in ‘72 and his dad was in the ground pretty soon after — the hole, the hole — and anyway what’s beer gonna do. The drunken man needs something from one of the shelves up behind the counter, warm in its bottle, strong as paint stripper. And the clerk knows him — can’t you hear the shovel — and he doesn’t even really have to ask, just points and the bottle comes to him, presto magic. And then the drunken man pats his pockets and there’s nothing in this one, nothing in that one, not in his coat, not in his jeans, empty empty empty.
“I’m good for it,” he says, “You know I am, come on.”
“Sorry, Bobby,” the clerk says, and to his credit his eyes are sad.
When the stranger says “I can cover for you,” only a step from his side the drunken man is surprised. He didn’t think anyone else was in the store. He didn’t hear the bell jingle jingle. And this guy, this stranger, he’s in a suit, a real nice suit, nothing like piss poor piss drunk pissed off clientele that usually graces these fluorescent lit halls. But the drunken man wants his drink so he shrugs.
“Sure. Mighty kind of you. I owe you one.”
The stranger has a smile that’s real wide. His teeth are all straight. “Do you now? And what might that be?”
The drunken man glances at the shelf behind the counter. “$17.95.”
That stranger makes a sound that must be a laugh because the drunken man doesn’t know what else it would be. “That’s not a very interesting deal, Bobby.”
If he stays out too long there’s people who’re gonna be mad at him, can’t he fucking wrap this up? The drunken man glances at the clerk. The bottle is there in his hand. “What do you have in mind?” He wonders for a moment what the stranger will ask, what he might be willing to give. He’s not that desperate. He has some Johnny Walker at home, he’s pretty sure. It’ll be harder to get to it around Marcy, but he could manage. If this is a sex thing, he can just say no.
The stranger shrugs. “What would you give for a drink, right now?”
The drunken man’s shoulders shiver a bit, he’s not sure why. It’s what he’d just been thinking, but, whatever, coincidence. “I- I don’t know.”
“Would you give up your apartment? Your whole floor?”
The drunken man laughs. “I don’t own my whole floor, man, I don’t even own my fucking apartment.” They’d owned the house but the medical bills had stacked up and up and up and the drunken man had dug down and down and down until the difference had been too great to ever balance out again.
All those teeth. “But would you give it? All the people in it? Trade them, right here and now?”
The drunken man is just kind of annoyed. This guy, this out of towner, fucking with him. “Sure. Yeah, and the whole rest of the building, too.”
“Now there’s a deal,” the stranger laughs again, slaps the drunken man hard enough on the back it hurts, it bruises, it’s yellow on his shoulder when he goes to work on Monday and no one even bats an eyelash that’s he’s fucked himself up in some new little way. He hands the clerk a handful of cash — more than $17.95 it seems to the drunken man’s eyes — and the clerk hands over the bottle with uneasy eye contact and then the drunken man leaves, goes home, swigs once twice in the parking lot before heading up to the roof and stashing the bottle and heading back downstairs and in to his wife and his daughter and his son, cheeks red from the cold and other things, and he wasn’t too late — too late, oh he’s too late — and they all eat dinner together.
Exactly one month later, the building goes up in flames. He’s drunk on the roof. He was high in an empty room, with a space heater plugged into the wall. The hole is deep and he doesn’t even have the grace to die at the bottom of it, next to the tiny bodies of his children, next to burnt living corpse of his wife. And now he’s sleeping in a motel his brother paid for but he’s not sleeping there, he’s trying to drink himself to death in the parking lot out back when he sees the stranger again, in the nice suit, still all his straight teeth showing.
“Was it you?” The drunken man hollers. “Was it you? Did you do this? Did you make this happen?” He’s throwing the bottle, he’s grabbing the front of that too nice suit and the guy is just smiling, just fucking grinning, big and pleased as a cat with all the cream.
“You were always gonna burn that building, Bobby,” he says, and his tone of voice, there’s something about it that’s true, there’s something about it that’s impossible not to believe. “That’s how that night was always going to go.”
“Then what- then why-”
“You just gave me permission to collect.” The drunken man hadn’t thought the stranger was taller than him, but he leers down at him now.
Like Bobby knows he was telling the truth, he knows he’s not talking about, whatever, an insurance payout. “What did I- what did I give you?”
“Souls, Bobby. You traded all their souls. And for such a grand prize.” And the stranger held up his hand, and in it was a bottle of Devil’s Springs, 151 proof.
The motel day shift front desk girl finds him there in the morning, half frozen, laying in a mess of broken glass.
#my writing#drug abuse cw#alcoholism cw#character death#just the already canonical ones#bobby nash#happy Halloween! gettin weird with it!
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more people gotta try this shit where bill has not improved and will not change but he's just chilling so its fine probably. its great
#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#gf nevermind all that#is this really for that? no but if its post canon bill on earth then it may as well be. makes it nice and easy to find later too#reread tbob because we just got our own (nicely water damaged) copy and i was like. i dont draw him cute enough#i will continue trying to do better#anyways stanley you are a butch woman. stanley transition now you dont even have to do anything youre already perfect#its just about the intent#every time i drew him for the last one all i could think was oohhhhhh my god you are a dyke. to me. please#in other news are there any burned out pushing-30s out there who havent drawn in years? i gotta say. i really gotta say.#get mentally ill about something its great. preferably alongside a few other people that you can use to create a perpetual cycle of insanit#gets you drawing again in no time and it feels great
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Had a silly thought about hypothetical cat curse shenanigans with @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's How to Cat Burglar a Family ;)
Bonus doodle!!
#I hope ya like? :')#Do living things count as stealable? It seems intent based but I couldnt remember if itd come up. Maybe a philosophical nightmare if it did#just had the mental image of Stanley grabbing Dipper/Mabel from Shermie. turning into a cat & everyone SCRAMBLING to catch the falling baby#Also based on the bit in Gnome Gemulets where Stan mentions fighting off Shermie to keep holding the twins when they were born :]#Though having already co-parented like 2 (3?) kids and not being completely alone like canon Stan. I wonder if/how Cat Stan would differ?#Also Shermie in his leather jacket (or at least another one he transferred the cat patch onto) I loved that bit its so cute 😭#Almost drew Stan as fully grey as a cat but iirc cats don't go grey in the same way as people. So i went with lil grey flecks. Geezer cat#This fic lives rent free in my brain truly 💙💙💙#How to Cat Burglar a Family#Gravity Falls#Fan art#Stanley Pines#Shermie Pines#Stan Pines#Sherman Pines#Grunkle Stan#Fanart#Cat Stan#GF fanart#Comic#Artists on tumblr#My art
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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Your first initial impressions of any Twst character vs your current feelings about them?
honestly, my perception of pretty much every character went through some metamorphosis of "this guy looks like a jerk" to "oh, he's a stupid jerk? now hold on." it's all about that balancing act between a dark brooding asshole and a dark brooding asshole who is also totally ridiculous, and it really does make ALL the difference.
perhaps most ironically, I've mentioned before that I was absolutely not into the Diasomnias at first, because the impression the website gave pre-release was somehow even less favorable than for everyone else and I was mad at Lilia for getting my hopes up for a token girl). and then we got their stories and, well, I kind of just haven't stopped thinking about them since. 🤷
also, I went in thinking that Crowley was going to be. y'know. competent at his job. a helpful guide. a mysterious yet caring mentor figure, a fitting leader for this band of delicate young magic waifs with their fancy little magic outfits and their perfect, perfect hair. I've never been so glad to be wrong.
#art#twisted wonderland#sorry not sorry for being kinda crowley-focused lately#'but he's terrible and useless' E X A C T L Y#(i actually actively avoided reading the diasomnia personal stories at first because i was convinced i wouldn't like them)#(the folly of the past indeed)#(then i saw someone be like 'yeah lilia is silver's dad' and i was like...excusé. and the rest was inevitable)#but yeah this is just. twst in general tbh#thinking back to late 2019/early 2020 when it first came out#i went in basically...intrigued but apprehensive#the prerelease promos were EXTREMELY vague on what the story was and what the characters were like#everyone still thought kalim was gijinka iago and also no one was 100% sure if you could date anyone or not#it was so absolutely weird-sounding i HAD to try it even though i didn't really care for the characters and i knew i'd drop it after a week#smash cut to 2025 where i'm writing tag essays in breathless excitement over the themes present in the character arcs#me just before march 2020: well i can already tell i'm gonna hate malleus#me today: this is tsunotarou he's my special little guy. my dingbat son. i'm so excited to see him in pajamas next week.#i hope we get canon confirmation on whether or not he needs to sleep with special pillows because of his horns
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Kabru has a secret admirer in the castle!
#running from my responsibilities (drawing armour) by imagining post canon Kabru fashion#minor spoilers in the tags!#royal advisor Kabru’s office is probably overflowing with gifts from foreign dignitaries eyeing him up for marriage#and sacks of perfumed letters from Melini citizens#Marcille would be so sick of it#Laios also has his fair share of proposals#Yaad is like … boys spare us all and pick a suitable candidate already#well Yaad there’s a saying that goes two birds one stone#anyway lol#someone might have suggested to Laios ‘hey Kabru works so hard. you should show your appreciation.’#Laios (blushing sweating): uuuh how do i do that#Marcille probably: i hear it’s customary to give your royal advisor flowers the same colour as their beautiful blue eyes#Laios: well if you say so#but he starts having second thoughts bcs what if the gift is too romantic#so then Laios is like oh i know i just won’t sign it (:#fool proof plan Laios good job#totally not taking into account that Kabru can recognize his penmanship at a first glance#so at their next meeting Kabru is like ‘i wonder who my secret admirer in the castle is 😉’#and Laios sweats so hard he falls out of his throne#doesn’t Kabru of Melini have a nice ring to it#better yet …. Kabru Touden#much to consider#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#kabru#kabru of utaya#labru#if you squint#wasabi doodles
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once again thinking about jason as duke’s robin. he’s ~4 years younger than jason, and that puts him at 8-12 during Jason’s time as robin. that’s prime time to get attached to your local kid vigilante before your own life goes downhill.
and if we try to keep duke’s meeting with bruce in zero year + duke’s age (so he can remember the meeting and hold that conversation with bruce), he has to be around 8. if he starts following batman through the news at that time because of the mess that just happened, the robin he sees is probably jason. I’ve literally connected the dots
#we are not of course keeping zero year itself. what a mess.#maybe smth very similar so it’s still the riddler causing mass chaos!#the titans so we actually keep the no robin physically present in the story part the same#look. if we want zero year convo we need to give bruce a robin at the time. it could be 17-18yr old who’s not even in gotham bc he’s with#by time tim shows up he’s already attached to jason#and then steph’s robin suddenly for a bit but only for a bit. and then tim comes back but he’s in bludhaven for a while#i do think duke would think steph is really cool tho. and they reasonably couldve met as civilians#and then duke’s busy bouncing around foster homes the streets and looking for his parents#i wanted to talk about how much i love it and the tags are just be working out a timeline for post crisis events & post flashpoint ones (an#some of duke’s important events are related to things which are no longer canon. such is life. let’s do our best based on ages)#duke thomas#jason todd
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realizing how much i like drawing him a million years too late :<
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuta okkotsu#okkotsu yuuta#yuuta#fanart#jjk fanart#i amn so sleepy today GJHKGJDS just felt like doing a bit of a return 2 form with red/white/grey colour palettes... smth easy#i will get back to being Actually productive now that i hav purged th yuuta brainworms fr the time being#rly tho it is criminal that i am only Now realizing how fun his design is given th state of canon.......#i want to draw him more! but ... the gojo suit.....#i think that whenever i draw yuuta it will b original flavour. i do not particularly want 2 draw limited edition gojo yuuta#also will i shut up abt these brushes yet the answer is no smile :)#the little Rake-y one is my LOVE when i was swatching them i honestly didnt think i would like it#but shes got so much personality!!!!!!#need to fill space? pastel rake. shadows not blending and look muddy? pastel rake#s tier brush in this Already stacked set
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saw the labru trend and IMMEDIATELY thought of them
#praying to GOD this hasn't already been done#anyway this was an excuse to draw them again sue me#isn't this pretty much every meeting at the ada 💀💀 canon dialogue i fear#i miss when bsd was just a silly office romcom starring the two of them.........sigh.......#i miss my wives#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#doppo kunikida#kunikida doppo#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#lotus draws#POSTING AT THREE AGAIN IM GONNA DIE ONE DAY 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#i was listening to writing on the wall while drawing this 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
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Man of his word. It only took a couple of lifetimes. I was in love with my son's best friend. I didn't know what to do. Then you asked for that toothpaste. I was damned if I wasn't gonna find something.
#the walking dead#twd: the ones who live#the ones who live#towl spoilers#twdedit#towledit#richonne#richonneedit#michonne grimes#rick grimes#danai gurira#andrew lincoln#mine and only mine#just had the biggest smile on my face making this#HE FINALLY GOT HER THE TOOTHPASTE 😭😭😭#and 'I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SONS BEST FRIEND'#ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEE#he was canonically already in love and aware of it by 6.10#this changes everything MUCH TO CONSIDER
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Yk if Steelwool could make an easy Hundred thousand Mikemillion dollars if they put him in Secrets of the Mimic trust
#fnaf#the soup speaks#michael afton#five nights at freddy’s#fnaf secret of the mimic#secret of the mimic#like cmon steelwool give him a figure or SOMETHING PLEAAAAAAASR#idk what compelled me to draw this but im glad i did lol#i wonder how much money michael canonically made during the Pizza Sim era sjdjndnd#i HC him as already loaded but like maybe he really just turned in the afton charm for that one#hes a business man like his father whether he wants to be or not <33#i also HC he was studying law before he died sooooooo#at least he put some of that to good use LMAO#silly salvaged au
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bring the girlies back
#young justice#ok so i didnt draw cissie bc she was just in the modern comics a few months ago and i have no real thoughts on her modern design#so like for greta and anita its a loose exercise on what i think they would do with their costumes if they (dc) did them today#bc the design ethos is so different from the 90s#now cassie.......... sorry i hate hate hate her modern design#like What is she wearing. not to mention her hair#so that one was just what i would like to see :)#i do like that she still wears like regular clothes in canon tho#yj98#cassie sandsmark#wonder girl#greta hayes#anita fite#young just us#empress dc#the secret dc#secret#character design#digital art#id in alt#2024#anyway i know they already did a modern young justice but they didnt even bring back anita so. og yj girlies book when.#idc about the boys theyve had plenty
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drew these for heart pirates day and uhhhh ep1115
#one piece#trafalgar law#fanart#my art#bepo one piece#heart pirates#sachi one piece#penguin one piece#canon doesnt exist if we try hard enough#if *I* try hard enough#also i like to think my guy just had a period where after he recovered he took the time to just. bask under the sun. suntanning.#cus my guy went from pasty pale as hell to enough melanin to put me to shame#/j i never had a chance to tan much to begin with lmao but you get my point#also also id like to think he uses bepo as like. a beach mat or smth. idk waht you call those. the things people lie on to suntan idk#like he already uses bepo as a pillow wahts stopping him to lie on top of him to sunbathe#also also also if youd like to know uhhh that beach day drawing?? inspired by when bepo swam away w law on top of him idk that was in my#mind for WEEKS when i read the manga#that and i just want them to goof off#also uhh ep 1115 a day AFTER heart pirates day was just cruel like damn#bepo's desperation got to me#also polar tang :((( man :((((( where are they getting another old man to build them another submarine :((
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Okay so with the line "the olive tree where we first met" we have two equal hilarious options.
When penelope was sassily like oh I'll marry you if you make a living bed out of this tree right here! Cue penelope stumbling over odysseus very very carefully digging up the tree "because how else is he going to get it to itacha we can't have a wedding bed out in the open in sparta duh"
Or
2. Penelope, knowing that Helen's suitors would soon be arriving to take over her home for a while. Snuck out and went on her own wacky shenanigan filled journey where she scoped out all the major players. Odysseus caught her spying in an olive tree. And when she got back she told Helen she had dibs on the cutie from itacha.
#epic the musical#epic spoilers#Itacha saga#penelope#Odysseus#Odypen#odysseus x penelope#Young odypen courting was filled with wacky nonsense basically canon confrimed#The line “....where we first met” implying that they first met under that specific olive tree#Which has to have some absolutely insane logistics that only odypen (and maybe Athena) could pull off#Odypen being 🥰 🤝 rat bastards in love#Option one odysseus Athena please please please helpppp me pen said she'd only marry me if I made a wedding bed out of this tree#Athena: once again I think you are praying to the wrong person but fuck it how do you think you're going to keep that tree alive#Odysseus: ....a large bucket?#Athena gimme a sec okay I need to go have ares bash my skull in before I watch something this stupid#Athena: checking in on penelope her chosen weaver only for her to be pulling her hair out#Penelope (to her cousins): why did I fucking say that! Beating fathers already an impossible challenge why did I say that#He's going to think I was making fun of him! He's not going to want to marry me now!#Helen: weren't you? Making fun of him?#Penelope: That's not the point!#clytemnestra: Hey he's digging the tree up and has the biggest bucket I've ever seen#Penelope: what?! Trips over every item in the room and gets tangled in her curtains blushing like crazy#Athena: ....it's been a while since I checked up on diomedes training. He'd never put me through this nonsense#Option 2#Helen's maybe a little nervous and wants to know more about who she has to potentially marry and penelope promises her she'll get rundown#Helen did not expect penelope to disappear but she probably should have....it'll probably be fine. Right?#Some kings penlope just straight up greets some she stays hidden and spies#Odysseus is the only one who catches her (he trains woth Athena in the olive Grove#She was not happy when odysseus nearly tripped onto her spear point face first when he saw the strange pretty girl)#And odysseus who's been king for a few years now knows every lady's face because he'll probably have to marry one of them someday
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After seeing this post I decided to insert my little blorbos in here:
(Like or reblog if you wanna use)
#i already joked abt it in my reblog but the fact that this is actually CANON in jorgverse is insane#meme my meme#tbol#the book of life#maria posada#manolo sanchez#joaquin mondragon#my big brain theory is the reason joaquin reincarnates with there two is that he is deeply in love with both of them#and the universe just waits for him to realize and confess his feelings#as we can see it takes more than one reincarnation for this dum dum#soo#tres leches
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