#just stuff that I had in my brain so here it is for other people too

[ssaluss]

I had to open my notes so now sh¡t got serious! First of all i want to apologize for my broken english, i can read it really well but when it comes to forming sentences my mind just slips off sometimes.

Second: i LOVE rambling and reading others rambling, make me feel part of something and i really like adding to others ideas and all, glad you liked it ^^

Im feeling better and i don't know how to add more but i really enjoy this concept so lets dive into it again!

The lab thing also makes more sense in a way that i don't see shadow being a deadbeat parent, not in the present, less so in the future with a more mature shadow and even if they trapped him or whatever, he would fight till his last breath if he knew there was someone depending on him. Knowing that its following the 2006 line ill still say that silver is a second attempt at recreating project Shadow, by GUN it adds the sour taste, by some illegal company it adds some mistery about how they got the information and why they want it, also adds to why they never went after him, maybe GUN discovered this stole data and whiped out the illegal lab just like they did in the ark or it just got destroyed with everything in the future.

Just cause i think its cool, for some reason when reading about the subspecies my brain went "Ah Yes, the concil" and i can't stop calling them that. Going by the logic here, it could also explain the more "eel-like" appearence in the drawing, there's no need to be bulkier, they're slender so it's easier to scape danger situations without making a fuss. The orca in the doom surf could come out of necessity, they're kinda agressive, as this subspecies being weaker, it could be a mean of protection, as, at least silver, is a target while doom surfing (i also wanna add that while shadow surfs, silver could dive, he doesn't needs to surf but dive is a good abilitie for him not only lore but gameplay wise cause it differenciates, it also creates the situation of him not being afraid to swin cause he knows he can do that, he simply thinks its linked to some power he still can't truly reach when he wants, just when he needs).

The control part actually adds to my first reblog of this when he can be an enemy cause of the control, it also can be used for some good angst in a way that he wouldn't know why he can't resist, and after all, he has a good heart so why is his head full of this bloodlust?

Socially its just funny to think about him staring at people subconsciently thinking his words made trough (he just weirded someone out, they called the Police once)

I think past shadow would want to keep his distance not only because he's weirded out, but depending on what shadow we're talking about, i assume he would be afraid of caring this deeply, specially cause he don't even know silver well, he doesn't want to grow attached and even not wanting to be friends or have anything with silver, he still cares and it scares him, he's still (living and) learning how to properly care about his friends, Rouge and Omega, and with them it was more natural, he is taking his time and all, with silver is all too confusing.

The sonic bit i imagine Shadow seeing a chance and taking it or maybe it was sonic making a joke that made it click, like a "how did you know he meant that? Do the "ultimate lifeform" (imagine the fingers quoting and he imitating shadow) have telepathy now or you're just hanging a lot with ames and got addicted to that card stuff or whatever?" If shadow took a chance i imagine him just brushing something off and going "the kid had a plan, he explained it"

"...He didn't explain sh-"

As silver is more related to shadow then just being B.A. and all, maybe the link is different, more personal, maybe in a normal situation with just other B.A. He would hear the call, simple and clean, but with silver he has the urge to act, he doesn't know yet but some part of him already sees silver as family and has a different bond.

It does not help Shadow that Silver is in fact younger and naturally people tend to give more attention to the younger people close in danger situations and they work well together, the chance is they would be paired up to fight anyway, but got separated while fighting.

I also don't know about B.A. biology but alongside my headcanon that they are produced, not conceived, hence the unique nature of the bond of the hedgehogs, i also headcanon that their blood is a darker Red, almost black even when fresh, so if silver got hurt shadow just got a nod to what he already felt...

The blood trail is dark as night but with a unmistakable Red tint to it.

Not that far, Silver just laying with a pained expression, but in his eyes its like he knew he would come, even so when he appeared the younger one looked surprised.

"S-shadow? How did you..."

"I heard it"

And now Silver is the one who got questions

If we keep this well have a full A fic just needing edition lol

People talking about what if Shadow was Silver’s dad y’know but NOT ONCE have I seen anyone say that if that’s true, then Silver has black arms blood

[foggieststars]

sex pollen + overstim and/or denial for landoscar queen?

"Jesus fuck," Lando says, and Oscar glares at him with baleful eyes. Lando takes affront to that. If anything, Lando reckons he's sort of underreacting to the whole, finding his teammate slumped nearly-unconscious outside the door of his flat, thing.

"Are you - I mean. Y'alright?" Lando asks, heartbeat loud in his ears. Oscar's got sweat pouring off him, like he's just finished 62 laps of Singapore. His hair's clumped together with sweat, stringy and

"Of course I'm not alright," Oscar snaps, and - that’s new. 

Lando blinks, unsure what to make of Oscar like this. It’s the most tense Lando’s ever seen him - the most genuinely irritated. Even after Carlos took him out of the race in Spa last year, the most emotion Oscar had shown was the tightly clenched fists in his lap during the debrief. Seeing Oscar like this… it’s an uncomfortable display of vulnerability. 

“What’s happened to you?” Lando asks, reaching out to offer Oscar a hand. “Why are you–?” here, he doesn’t say. Figures it’d be rude. Make Oscar think he’s like, unwelcome or something. 

“I dunno,” Oscar says, breathing heavily. “I was opening some fucking - oh, fuck,” he says, doubling over. Lando fumbles in his pocket for his keys, unlocks the door with clumsy, trembling hands. “I was opening some fanmail, for some stupid fucking video, and one of them had all this powder in it, and it got all over my hands, and I started feeling - like this.” 

“Oh, christ,” Lando says, mind whirring. Can people send, like, drugs in the post? Drugs that only need to touch your skin to activate? Lando tries not to panic too obviously, wants to stay calm for Oscar. Who’s crawled here, for some reason. 

“Fuck, Osc,” Lando gnaws on his lip, shutting the door behind them. When he reaches out to steady Oscar, swaying on the spot, his skin is searingly hot to the touch. “I reckon you need to go to the hospital, mate.” 

“Dunno where it is, do I?” Oscar snaps. “And besides. I don’t think… I don’t think I need a hospital. Not for this.” 

Lando nearly shrieks, panic turning his hands clammy. “Oscar, you just told me that you - that you’ve touched some random fucking powder, and now you’re here, sweating buckets on my doorstep. Of course you need to go to the hospital!” 

Oscar lurches dangerously to the side as Lando’s speaking, and Lando reaches out to grab him. One hand finds Oscar’s forearm, pulls him in close to his body. The other hand lands on Oscar’s waist, trailing around to his stomach. 

“Oh,” Oscar moans, swaying into Lando this time. 

“What hurts? Your stomach?” Lando babbles, scrabbling with the hem of Oscar’s top. “It might be your appendix or something, you know?” 

When he gets Oscar’s top up, exposing the smooth expanse of his stomach, Lando presses his hand to it. He doesn’t know what the fuck he thinks he’s looking for - like he’ll be able to feel Oscar’s appendix about to rupture - and then Oscar makes another noise. It’s low and sharp and unmistakably aroused. 

“Osc?” Lando probes, and then Oscar’s doubling over, moaning louder, and his hips - well, oh Jesus, he’s fucking forward into the air, like he’s got his cock in someone. 

The movement continues for what feels like forever, but is probably no longer than ten seconds, and then Oscar slumps over, like a marionette with its strings cut. 

“Oh my god,” Lando says, hating the way his voice has gone all high-pitched. “Did you just–?” 

Oscar groans, still bent double at the waist. “‘M sorry,” he grits out, voice hoarse. His cheeks are stained pink. “Fuck, Lando. I’m so sorry.” 

“When you said - when you said you didn’t need a hospital…”

Oscar looks at him, eyes shining. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and nods. “Ever since I touched that stuff - I don’t know. I just - I can’t stop.” 

Lando’s brain goes offline at the mental image of Oscar, alone in his flat, jerking himself off frantically, again and again and again. 

“And - so. You came here?” Lando queries, voice tremulous. 

Oscar looks at him with a pained expression. “I want. Will you - help?” 

Lando feels like he’s teetering on the precipice of something massive. There’s been tension between them since Oscar arrived. Lando never acted on it. He’d sworn to himself - this would be the teammate he doesn’t let fuck him. Oscar’s always respected that unspoken decision; never pushed too hard, never made so much as the tiniest of moves. Even though Lando knows he feels it just as urgently - the intangible thing shimmering between them. Seems like Oscar’s finally reached his breaking point. 

Lando steadies himself with a deep breath. “Alright, Oscar. I’ll help.” 

*

Five minutes later find them in Lando’s unmade bed, shirts off, Lando fiddling with the drawstring of Oscar’s shorts. Shorts - in December. Lando barely resists the urge to tease him about it, thinks it might be just too much for Oscar right now. 

When he finally gets them down around Oscar’s ankles, Lando doesn’t feel much like joking any longer. 

“Fuck, Osc,” Lando says, looking down at the mess. “You came so much.” 

His cock is an angry shade of red, so hard it’s resting against his stomach. There’s a mess of drying come in Oscar’s boxers, a testament to how many times he’d gotten himself off before coming to seek out Lando’s help. It must hurt. Lando’s never come this many times in one session - not even when he was a horny teenager with no refractory period. 

Oscar pants, arm thrown across his eyes, nods. Didn’t even bother to clean himself up. Needed it that badly. 

“How many times did you–?” 

Oscar makes a quiet noise, like he’s embarrassed to admit to it. “I - Lando,” he rasps, hips hitching as Lando takes his hot cock in hand. It’s pulsing gently, weeping pre-come when Lando thumbs over the tip.

“Come on,” Lando pushes, unsure why he can’t resist the urge to tease. Why he never can. “I won’t tell anyone. Swear.” 

Who’s Lando gunna tell, exactly? Max wouldn’t even believe him. 

“F-four,” Oscar says, moaning when Lando twists his wrist. “Lando, fuck, I’m - so close.” 

“Already?” Lando asks, laughing despite himself. “I’m not even - oh.” 

That’s all it takes to have Oscar spilling all over Lando’s hand, hips kicking into the air. It’s scorchingly hot. 

“Jesus,” Lando says, and Oscar throws his other arm across his face too. Like if he buries himself deep enough, this will all go away. “I barely even touched you!” 

“I know,” Oscar says, seemingly more lucid immediately post-orgasm. “It - the powder shit. It doesn’t take much to - y’know. Makes everything feel… louder.” 

Alright, maybe not so lucid after all. 

“Does it hurt?” Lando asks, and Oscar nods. Doesn’t seem to stop his cock filling up again, straining with desperation. Oscar finally brings his arms down from his face, more flushed than ever. 

He’s so - vulnerable, like this. Like Lando could do anything to him, anything at all, and he’d just lie there and shudder through it, small, bitten-off moans spilling from his mouth. It’s a thought that shouldn’t turn Lando on as much as it does. 

Lando gets Oscar off again with his hands, once with his mouth. Oscar starts fully crying when Lando sucks on the head of his cock, and Lando’s never really been one to get, like, turned on by tears, but - well. It’s Oscar, so. 

“You okay?” Lando asks, sitting up, wiping off his chin. “I don’t wanna like, hurt you or nothing.” 

“It’s just - it’s a lot,” Oscar hiccups, chest heaving. “Feels so - I dunno how to explain. I’m all… tingly.” 

Lando finishes him off, sits back on his heels to give Oscar a short break. He leans forward, rests the back of his palm on Oscar’s forehead. It feels absurdly domestic - weirdly maternal, actually - but he’s even hotter than before, if anything. 

“I don’t know if this is helping,” Lando says, watching Oscar ball his fists into Lando’s duvet, trying not to hump the air. “You’re like, properly burning up. Should I call someone?” he hesitates. “Mark?” 

“No!” Oscar practically shouts, hands flying up to grip Lando’s wrists, like he’s in any fit state to physically wrestle a phone out of Lando’s grasp. Like Lando would even have Mark’s number saved. He’d have to call Jenson probably, and then that would be a whole thing. “Not Mark. Not - okay.” Oscar blows out air, ruffles his fringe. “I think. I think you’re gonna have to…” 

Lando raises his eyebrows, not following Oscar’s deluded train of thought. 

Oscar groans, half-twists his body to bury his face in the pillows. He takes a couple of deep breaths, and Lando watches the muscles in his back twitch and flex. 

When Oscar rolls back, he’s calmer. More measured. And then, as if it’s normal, as if this is something teammates do with each other all the time, he plants his feet into the mattress, and spreads his legs.  

“Oh,” Lando says. His cock, already half-hard, jumps to attention so quickly Lando feels briefly dizzy. “Oh, right. Fucking hell.” 

“Only if you want to,” Oscar says, voice trembling. “I know it’s - I’m sorry. I know this is fucking insane.” 

“If I want to,” Lando echoes, feeling vaguely hysterical. Maybe he’s the drugged one. Maybe Max thought it would be funny to slip something into his drink last night, and all this is just one long, horny fever-dream. 

“Yeah,” Oscar says, in a voice that betrays his barely-suppressed panic. “Lando? Can you - oh, god. Say something, please?” 

“Are you - fuck, Oscar. I mean. Are you sure?” 

Oscar nods desperately, the movement ruffling his hair. “Please, Lando. I came to you for - for a reason,” he gulps. And then, softly, almost begging – “Please.” 

It’s so hot Lando almost sees stars. “Alright,” he says after a moment of indecision. “Alright, Osc. I’ve got you.” 

The relief on Oscar’s face is almost enough to make Lando feel guilty, that Oscar thinks Lando’s the one doing him a favour. Like he hasn’t been gagging to stick his dick in Oscar since that first day in the MTC. 

Lando fumbles for his hand, threads their fingers together, gives Oscar’s hand a tight squeeze. “‘M gonna make it go away, Osc, I swear.” 

Oscar gasps at the sensation, banal and sexless as a squeeze of the hand is. He needs it. He’s sore from overstimulation, gasping whenever Lando so much as brushes his cock, and yet he’s still begging for it, desperate to be touched. 

Oscar smiles at him, so sweet and polite. “Thank you,” he says, and Lando loses his grasp on reality. 

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

Hello my firefighter au loving friends. Here are a few details about the au that haven’t found their way into or were cut from the story.

Sam does that southern thing where he refers to people in distress with sickly sweet pet names. Patients are often called “sugar, sweetheart, honey, baby.” Stuff like that. That is why Darlin’s nickname came so easily.

I had initially planned to utilize bath scenes for character developments with Darlin’. The idea that this character that throws themself from one problem to the next would stop, slow down, wash themself, and those would be the moments they would choose to change what they were doing/who they were made a lot of sense for me. I wrote a few of those scenes, most prominently on their first night at David’s house, but I found they drastically slowed down the pace of the story. Just know that in the firefighter au, Darlin’ is a bath person when they have the time.

Almost all of the characters in Redacted and their listeners have a set Firefighter AU role. Some of those have already been addressed. I plan to write about some others. And then some I just have in my brain with no real plan to utilize them. For example, Vega is a doctor at Dahlia General. He’s an immunologist who specializes in deadly deseases. He’s noted by his peers to be a… touch too excited about infected patients for their research potential. Warden is an internal medicine resident who has been tasked with being Vega’s bedside manner expert, since he scares patients more often than he comforts them. Do I have any plan to utilize the two of them?? Nope. I’d happily chat about any characters y’all want to know more about in this au!!

Some of the demons in this story have their canon names as their first names and some have them as their last names. Caelum and Gavin have their given first names and a shared last name (that, gods help me, I have not given a single thought to). Brachium and Vega both have first names (Theodore and Preston respectively). Camelopardalis’s parents were cruel and just named him that.

So yes, there are just a few details about the au that I wanted to share.❤️❤️

[astriddestelle]

In light of discovering I’ve been a friends to lover girlie this whole time. Here’s are my top ten friends to lovers of all time canon and non canon.

1. The ship that started it all admittedly I liked Raven more so I shipped her with Robin, but my god Robin and Starfire were cute a whole ass ship I didn’t even realize I was shipping until they kissed in the movie and I was squealing like well I was a kid lol. My favorite episode aside from the Raven ones were always the ones focused on their relationship. Stranded was chefs kiss. I’m not a girl I’m not your friend. Date with Destiny had me gagged. Sisters the arm reach as she’s kidnapped beautiful. No other couple will compare.

2. God when this was airing what a time to be fucking alive. I was so obsessed with this ship. My first fanfic ideas were about this ship. I used to roleplay this show at school. They were so fucking messy with their just friends bullshit. Just friends my ass. I used to watch episode 22 routine on repeat and yes I have it memorized they almost kissed then spent the rest of series pretending they weren’t down bad for each other. They never actually made it official either which will forever haunt me to this day.

3. This one crept on me. I didn’t realize I shipped it until I shipped it and there was no going back. I mean come on. The look of love is literally their theme song. What do you mean Langa only likes skateboarding when Reki is there to watch and cheer him on. What do you mean Reki is afraid of Langa getting hurt not himself but Langa. Cindereki need I say more. The most casual friends to lovers cause they don’t even realize till the end. I went to skate infinitely with you who says stuff like that to someone they’re just friends with. How they adopt each others love languages through your the show. Ugh.

4. Alright imma be honest. This one started as me just wanting to read more Itadori fics but my god. If gege wasn’t a coward they would’ve been official (jk mostly) but Megumi only wanting to live a domestic life with Yuji, regaining the will to live after Yuji says he misses him, not having a reason for saving him not wanting him to die, start by saving me itadori…yeah. And itadori never giving up saving fushiguro, first words out of his mouth are always fushiguro, tells Sukuna to give fushiguro back. I mean how could I not.

5. Might be too early for me to be adding them to this list but so far Momo and Okarun have all the makings of being just as great as Robin and Starfire if not better. Two idiots sharing one brain cell the way they actually communicate with each other, Okarun getting salty when people insult his wifey, Momo getting jealous when people flirt with her husband. Okarun straight up telling Momo he can’t read her mind but he cares about her and values her friendship. Momo straight up saying she wants to talk to Okarun and loves hanging out with him. I’m into deep and it’s only been nine episodes. First time I’ve been this invested in a straight ship in years.

6. Back to the classics with this one. And I’m lowkey starting to sense a pattern. Cause why do they all involve redheads in some way and do I have a type? (yes) Kim and Ron are the original boss wife/fail husband. They’re so cute cause if you rewatch the series there’s all these little hints that they always liked each other (it took you 12 stinking years to kiss me) (I mean me and Kim sure everyone expects it but) but like didn’t wanna ruin their friendship fucking cute as hell idk if it was intentional on the writers part but yeah

7. Gwen and Geoff from Total Drama Island. They had one episode together and I was a goner. Idk I just love my sun and moon motifs as yall can clearly see. Something about the black cat golden retriever dynamic just tickles me I guess. I know yall see the potential. I rewrote total drama island just to get them to together it was bad

8. Harry and Luna from HP. Idc he shoulda been with her and not Ginny. No shade to Ginny but I just feel like they would’ve been such a great couple. Harry with someone who understands him and will never make him feel like he needs to live up to the savior role and Luna with someone who will never judge her for being different or odd. Sigh. So much wasted potential. So stinking cute oddly doesn’t exist as much anymore sigh.

9. Birdflash. I will not deny a huge part of this stems from really liking Wally West and that’s pretty much it. And I wanted more fics about him. I did not like Artemis at all, no one else shipped him with Zatanna or Rocket or Batgirl or Megan so Robin it was lol. But I mean I’ve been eating since so I can’t complain.

10. Ok while I don’t like this ship anymore I can’t deny I was obsessed with it for a hot minute. Danny/Sam from Danny phantom so much freaking potential and actually really cute from 10 year old me’s pov too bad they don’t hold up as an adult. I was very much obsessed with goths as a kid huh.

Honorary mentions

Adrien/Marinette: I haven’t seen enough of this show to put em in my top ten but my god is it cute af sometimes I just need to cute sunshine’s falling in love that is all. I’ve seen enough to know I’m rooting for both of em. A

Jade/Andre: I was obsessed with the episode he had a crush on her. Also in canon he’s the only one she calls a friend, they have lunch dates, she isn’t ever mean to him not as mean as she is to everyone else. I think it’s be cute af alright. Plus Andre wouldn’t flirt with other girls and make her jealous

Tododeku idk yall I just think they’d be cute af together not much else say. Same goes for Mina and Bakugo. Idk I just like em.

Sheen/Libby very refreshing to see a black girl get a love interest and not be discarded later. Sigh too bad that hasn’t happened since like 2006

can also throw on numbuh one and numbuh five from kids next door for similar reasons above. As well as numbuh two and numbuh five

[sardar106]

had this in drafts for a while. sleep deprived brain decided to post it now instead of waiting for the anniversary, so

okay— Ash (@thepersonwithoutaname) said before that An Epilogue 2/22 by TE/MO is Icarus coming back home and reflecting on their life and other people’s view on it. and I agree on this a lot but… if you think about it being the anniversary the Cathedral… it’s specifically Icarus in the Worldport during the anniversary of the Cathedral reflecting on their life and what happened

and here’s why and why I shake it so hard (kinda line-by-line analysis (also my first song analysis real?))

A year out from the day And it still feels like yesterday That some part of me died Upon that slab of steel

point one, anniversary of something point two, the memories of it feel so close, they funky as Quixis point three, change that to stone and you got that perfectly

Cuz when you think that you can swim You don't expect the tides to pull you in Especially when you're wading into Rivers ankle deep

Icarus. moving on— (but seriously tho, the whole arc after the Cathedral)

Now I’m hunting my own body A ghost miserable and lost The spirit of that January And everything it cost…

Icarus and hunting? with everything that happened with Haley and then thinking that it happened to Centross and also just being Quixis in general. they’re not like what they used to be. they don’t have their wings. they don’t have their jewelry. they’re just Quixis January? like how the Cathedral was in January? yeah what the Cathedral is and the aftermath of it caused

How I wish I could return to claim The parts of me that burned Oh I was mean at times But least that was a choice

burned?? arson??? parts of them that burned?? yeah. “mean at times” that’s a bit of an understatement, my guy not all of it was their choice, but at least wanting him back was

Ambition's waiting by the door Finally returning from the war But she's been gone so long We can't recall her voice

change war to the stasis chamber Isla was in, it’s after Rae got her out yeah… they already didn’t before becoming Quixis

It's a gold rush fever Panning for the simplest bits of joy

Gold? in this economy? yeah, Icarus because of Fable after Cathedral they tried so hard, went through so much, to bring him back, to be able to bicker and be with him

Oh I used to get things done And honey, Lord help anyone That stood between me and The empires I made

could be about before corruption and stuff you see, I know that line is different, but “honey, Lord”? about Centross. they be gay. he be a god don’t really have anything for the two other lines

Now when shit gets hard I walk And I can't stand it when I start to talk I hate it more than you That I can't put it in a grave

Icarus walking instead of flying because “when shit gets hard” is when the phantom pain in their torso is strong talking in the Worldport just feels weird. especially when there’s no one around they just want to burry all that grief and anger towards Fable but they can’t and they hate that fact

Oh I wish I could return to claim The parts of me that burned Oh I was mean at times But least that was a choice

Ambition's waiting by the door Finally returning from the war But she's been gone so long We can't recall her voice

It's a gold rush fever Panning for the simplest bits of joy

all three same as the first time as they loop their thoughts

Moving on’s a luxury They'll say I can afford But with pockets starved of gold dust Babe, just how can I be sure?

basically flash back in this part they couldn’t move on from Centross’ death but they’ve seen the people around them be okay starved of gold dust? Fable. thinking about what if he doesn’t come back

If time heals every wound But no one mourns the wicked dead Then she'll be trapped forever With each sorry tear she shed

Icarus and Isla. Icarus and Isla. Icarus and Isla wounded by not having her around as a child they’e the wicked dead. just, no more words she was trapped for eternity she. just Isla. she’s so sad about not being there for her kids

Bodies they remember What the mind tries to forget Bodies they remember What the heart saw as a threat

My body it remembers What the mind tries to forget My body still remembers What my heart saw as a threat

the understand that. they understand that and they know it’s happening to everyone in the universe. but if we call back the first verse with it being the anniversary, their body freaking out when it hits the day

Wish I could return to claim The parts of me that burned Oh I was mean at times At least I made a choice

we’ve been over the first part. but the last line at least they made a choice. their choice in the Finale

Ambition's waiting by the door Finally returning from the war But she's been gone so long We can't recall like anything at this point

the last line again first they said they don’t remember her voice but they didn’t remember anything about her Rae did. he told them. but it was never their memories

How I wish I could return to claim The parts of me that burned Oh I was mean at times At least I wasn’t gone

yeah. yeah. at least they didn’t die in the cave it sucks a lot that they had to go and put everyone through that but if Fable got the portal, went in the Worldport and took Midas’ powers, things would’ve been much more fucked

Ambition's waiting by the door Finally returning from the war But she's been gone so long We’ve learnt to carry on…

they’ve learnt to carry on cuz they had to they had to live without her they had to live not just that, they forgot her. they carried on, in a sense

It's a gold rush fever Panning for a reason to be strong

they have to be strong all the universes are carried by their hands they can’t mess up they have to focus

Somehow it feels like this is only the beginning… But I guess that means I'm getting better, doesn't it? With how much the body remembers Healing is not linear… But we find a start in the end and Go from there

this part. oh, this part. it’s spoken, not sung. emotions are controlled, they are done with it all they’re Quixis and it’s been a year since the Cathedral. it’s a new beginning new beginnings means getting better the body remembers, the mind not as much, healing has ups and downs, there’s not a solid way to predict it just, yeah

[a-dragons-explanations]

Okay, I'd initially decided not to respond to this chain any further because it didn't seem like we were going to get anywhere other than stressing us both out, but in the interest of... idk, respecting the fact that I appreciate you stopping to explain what this has looked like from your end and clarifying some things, I guess? I do want to actually respond.

Which - thank you for doing that, genuinely, because I think we've been talking past each other for a lot of this conversation, and I apologize for my part in that. I have clearly misunderstood some things you've been saying. (For instance: at no point did I get the message that you thought I'd misunderstood something, and to be honest even reading back I can't parse that out of anything said prior to this response.)

I will be honest in saying that I do think that disagreeing on whether people are allowed to exist or not is not "just having a different opinion." I did not start thinking you were interacting in bad faith until the last couple of messages (where if I'm completely honest, I started getting the same "being dense on purpose" impression you've clearly been getting from me in turn), however expressing disbelief in the legitimacy of someone's experience is not really something you can just agree to disagree on. (Bad faith is different from malice.) I do appreciate that you weren't trying to be rude, but the fact remains that coming onto someone's post defending endogenic systems calling me "genuinely insane" and "probably why people say leftists are sensitive" for doing so is rude by I think anyone's measure. That's not a very neutral or respectful way to express an opinion, and it came off to me as starting an argument on purpose, which is why I responded the way I did.

My second response, to your initial "I don't want to discuss this right now" reblog, was not me getting upset about it again - it was me trying to explain why I'd gotten frustrated, while acknowledging that forgetting to respond to stuff happens and that explained why it had looked like you'd ignored me the first time.

The context that you lost the headspace for having the discussion after the initial comment explains why you suddenly reversed course after you started the conversation initially, and that's much more understandable now that I know that - if I'd known that to start with I wouldn't have been so annoyed. Without that context, from my perspective, the exchange basically looked like:

A: here's my opinion defending an often-bullied group's right to exist. B: hey this is a stupid opinion you have and I disagree. A: why do you think it's stupid and disagree? I'd like to talk about it. B: I don't want to talk about it actually.

Does it make sense why that felt frustrating and like shit-starting for no reason to me? (I don't want to keep overexplaining myself, just - this conversation looked very different without that piece of context you just provided, which is why I've been reacting the way I have.)

I'll be honest, I completely misunderstood what you were apologizing for. It sounded to me like you were apologizing for either not realizing I was the same person (???), or more likely apologizing for doing this twice on my posts/reblogs, without acknowledging the thing I was actually annoyed about, which was the perceived A-B interaction I just described above. This was a misread on my part, and I probably should have asked for clarification; that seemed clear enough to me that it didn't even occur to me that I might have misunderstood. (To the point where to be honest, even rereading it now knowing that's an incorrect interpretation, it still reads that way to my brain.) I apologize for that; that one's on me.

Given that understanding that the apology was actually meant to be for the thing I was annoyed about and not the mostly-unrelated things it seemed to be about, I appreciate the apology, and I think we can probably let this conversation rest there, unless some part of my explanation for why I've responded the way I have to all this needs more clarification?

Genuine question, does our system need to label ourselves as ‘endo-neutral’? (Mostly because we just really, really cannot bring ourselves to care. Also people are people and we can’t care (low empathy))

I ask asking because I (and the system) are not involved in syscourse, and I’m not sure what to put in the tags to prevent people from being upset.

Ignore this ask if it is rude in any way (genuinely)

(This was written by the co-host)

If you want my opinion, if you want to say “we don’t want to be actively involved in syscourse,” that exact sentence is the only way to say it.

Personally, I’m kind of of the opinion that “endo-neutral” isn’t a real thing unless you’re “neutral” in the sense that you haven’t done enough research on it yet to have formed an opinion (which, that’s valid but a different thing than true neutrality). You can’t really be neutral on whether people are allowed to exist or not. Either you’re okay with people fakeclaiming other people, or you’re not. “Endo-neutral” just tells me you are okay with it, you’re just not actively doing it yourself - which is a little like this comic:

Y’feel?

This is not me saying you have to involve yourself actively in syscourse. As a matter of fact, I recommend you don’t actively seek that out, in most cases - it’s not really good for you, generally speaking. Not wanting people to drop syscourse on your doorstep is perfectly reasonable. But unfortunately, if you interact with other systems much, it’s probably going to come up eventually, whether you like it or not. Eventually you are going to be in a space where someone starts talking about how endogenic systems aren’t real, and you’re going to have to decide how to respond to that and whether you’re willing to tolerate it.

Ultimately, I don’t think you have to be emotionally invested to decide whether you think something is right or wrong. I know there’s probably some extra energy investment required for that for you, but unfortunately I think that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with, as harsh as that might sound. I don’t really see a way around it. Which, it’s as good a time as any to ask yourself - where do your morals lie? What basic principles do you build your morality on? Are they internally consistent, and if not, what needs to change to make it so? And if you follow those principles to their natural conclusion, what does that tell you about the situation you’ve been given?

(Also, entirely pragmatically, if your goal is to avoid people getting mad at you, “endo-neutral” in my experience kind of just gets both sides upset anyway - endo supporters because of everything I just said, anti-endos because anyone who tolerates endos is the enemy according to them. You’re probably better off just stating you don’t want to argue about syscourse to achieve that goal.)

But that’s just my two cents’ worth. Hopefully it’s good food for thought at least.

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[ratatatastic]

or alternatively dweeb meets other dweeb more news at 11

LIGHT. LIGHT IN HIS EYES. LOOK AT EM BIG OLE EYES. LOOK AT HIM TOUCH HIS JERSEY.

GLORY BE TO THE MIKKSY SIGNED JERSEY RAAAAAAAAA

CanesWear Signing | 7.1.24

[sysig]

The brainworms are winning, clearly (Patreon)

[13eyond13]

actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

[lisxdumbr]

The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah

[rotisseries]

inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

[bluehairmisfit]

Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.

[moonsidesong]

sighhgh. kinda missing my object era already. but i just cant put my heart in it rn man

[morningmask27]

Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime

[dennisboobs]

most annoying thing about being me is that i cannot engage with like. any fanon shit about dennis because i'm constantly on some advanced derangement and the stuff i thought two years ago when i was first getting comfy in the fandom is still the way everyone else looks at dennis but i'm like. yes but its Worse than this. you're like a quarter of the way there. this isn't the interesting bit, this is a symptom of it, keep going.