#just spawning redemption arcs left and right

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

This thoughts still cooking, so it might not make sense, but I think Thomas (Tomas?) Astruc is a very good case study on how being too attached to your own ideas can hinder your story telling.

I don't mean this in a "Thomas's original idea for the series was bad", but rather that he seems so attached to this concept that he can't stand other people having a differing view from him.

Chloe's the titular example here. Some people thought she deserved a redemption arc, and instead of just saying "nah, I don't think so" and continuing to write her the same way he had been, he had to prove them wrong, prove that his idea was the only correct one, and so turned her into the spawn of Satan and let her rule over Paris for some reason.

Instead of making Marinette less stalker-y, he wrote an entire episode poorly justifying it. And, imao, somewhat diminishing what PTSD actually is and does to people.

I'm not saying he has to make any change (though I think making Marinette less stalker-y would be a good change), but instead of 1.) sticking to his resolve or 2.) taking the criticism, he clung dearly onto this perception of his characters and his writing suffered because of how much he had to twist things to "prove" that his original assertions were right. And also that everyone who disagreed with him was wrong and didn't understand

idk if that makes sense, but the concepts been lingering in my head recently

It makes perfect sense! I've had similar thoughts. It's hard to say for sure, but Miraculous may be a case study in "kill your darlings". I'm not deep into the behind-the-scenes lore and I was not here in the early fandom, but I do know that, at some point, a much darker version of the show was pitched. That's why these exist (image source):

[Image description: two sketches styled like comic book covers. Both have the title "The Mini Menace Ladybug". The left cover shows Marinette's silhouette in a doorway. The door's glass and the glass of a nearby window are broken. In the foreground lies a hand holding a ladybug charm. The hand is limp and surrounded by blood, implying that someone is injured or dead. The right cover is Ladybug doing a spinning kick while looking angry.]

We also have this evidence of the darker original concept:

Jeremy Zag then proposed another project... which he was unable to sell to broadcasters... the project was called "Ladybug". No one was interested, as the project was aimed more at an adult audience... Sébastien had to make sure that the project could be broadcast on Disney and TF1.... Thomas wanted to make a series for adults, but at the time, it was very complicated to make a cartoon for adults. What's more, they didn't have enough money to take on such a project. Sébastien finally agreed, but there were some changes to be made, which Thomas accepted... In the end, Thomas Astruc's entire project was discarded, leaving only the love story between the two heroes and the city of Paris, where the story was to take place.

I've been aware of this darker origin story for a while due to Tumblr and, because of this knowledge, I have often had the thought, "are the writers trying to sneak elements from this darker version into canon?" Because that's the most likely explanation for what's going on here.

If I'm right, then I think that was a terrible move on their parts. They needed to let go of the story that they couldn't sell and embrace the story that they're being allowed to tell. It's why "kill you darlings" is such good advice. Many good stories have been ruined by writers clinging to an idea that ultimately doesn't work for some reason.

It's why the sitcom How I Met Your Mother has such a universally hated ending. The show was originally supposed to go for two seasons and so they wrote an ending that would fit the second season. The show ended up running for nine seasons and, by then, the ending didn't fit, but the writers kept it and left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths, which is not what any writer wants. That's why you have to do what's best for the story even if it means abandoning something that you really love.

This early version of canon may also be why the writers are so obsessed with Marinette. My understanding is that this concept had her mainly acting as a solo hero and, oh look! What is one of canon's biggest problems? Marinette being treated like a solo hero even though she has a partner and, later on, a team!

Not saying that this theory has to be true, just saying that it would explain some things. And if they're poisoning canon by trying to include elements from their darker original? Then it makes sense to assume that they're also doing it for smaller stuff. Like I'm pretty sure I've read that the head writer wanted Chat Blanc to be a lot darker originally, but no one would green light it, so we got an incredibly lackluster episode that spat in the face of the genres Miraculous' is trying to be part of while also falling to have the sort of impact we'd expect from an episode like that. It's a good example of a darling that really should have been killed. It just doesn't fit.

(Totally unrelated sidenote, but is your blog name from Tangled? Because that's what I immediately thought of and it made me smile!)

[lets-try-some-writing]

Okay, TFP univererse but Unicron adores humans? Like, the moment he sees these feral little organics scattered around his frame he's like "What is this... adorable little creature? I guess I'm a father now." Extra points if he still poses as an eldritch abomination to Cybertronians . I'm a sucker for a character who is this ruthless and vile creature to everyone but secretly acts like a total softie towards his children😭 If you can, I would like to see reaction from both humans and Cybertronians at this development.

I love a good old bad guy (sort of) redemption arc. A dad gotta love his kiddos even if he is the destroyer of everything.

Abrupt Parenthood

When Unicron awoke and felt the presence of Cybertronians he was about ready to flip out in rage. He was so blinded by their presence initially that when Primus's disgusting Vessel appeared before him and told him of the entities living upon his surface, he did not believe it at first. However Primes were very rarely known to lie, and the one before him felt sickeningly familiar to the one he fought so long ago, and so he briefly paused to consider the given information.

As he felt around his frame he was flabbergasted to discover that the Prime was right, he was totally covered in all sorts of fleshy organic creatures. He paused for nearly ten minutes as he just took it all in, the flora, the fauna, the whole ecosystem that had flourished upon him. And most importantly, he took the time to look at the sentient little life forms that had spawned from him, the tiny and oh so fragile humans. He should have felt disgusted, but as he observed the millions of humans on his frame he found himself feeling oddly protective. And so when the Prime pleaded with him to remain in at least partial slumber, Unicron complied stating that he would need time to consider the situation.

His avatars went back into dormancy and he stopped his awakening, instead opting to watch the small entities living on his surface in awe. They were so short lived, even over the course of the few weeks he spent just watching he saw hundreds of thousands of them be born and die all within mere days of each other. Not only that but they were weak beyond words, at least physically, especially since their only armor was hardly anything of note when compared to Primus's creations. The little humans died daily due to any and all possible causes, some to accidents, some to their own stupidity, some to violence, and even more to pure bad luck. But they also showed immeasurable drive and ingenuity, every single one of them living their lives to the fullest and striving for greatness even when so small in the grand scheme of things.

They were weak, they were short lived, and they were oh so foolish in the sight of elder races. But they were the most wonderful little lifeforms Unicron had ever seen. Before he even realized it, he had grown attached to the beings that were born of him and rapidly accepted the mantle of fatherhood. He did not stop his children from doing as they wished, he did not stop their deaths or interfere in their actions. He may have been the great destroyer, but when it came to his offspring, he was much like Primus. He understood that his children needed to be left to their own devices for the most part if they were to learn. And while he did occasionally use a small avatar or highjack an animal to stop things like suicides and the like, he otherwise left the humans alone.

However his general passiveness in response to his new offspring did not stop him from harassing Primus's creations. While unable to transform or access much of his power due to the humans possibly being harmed, he could still make life difficult for the Cybertronians on his surface.

He cared little for the factions of his brother's creations, but he did tend to be more lenient with the Autobots for a host of reasons. First and foremost because they went to great lengths to protect his offspring and keep them from harms way. Secondly because the Prime, despite being Primus's horrid vessel, loved the humans he had taken on almost as much as Unicron himself. Unicron hated the Prime, but he was loath to loose such a powerful protector for his little ones. So long as Optimus lived, there was a good chance that he would continue to guard Unicron's offspring with his very spark, something the destroyer would not object to considering his situation. And of course his third reason for being kinder to them was simply because they weren't outright attempting to abuse his powers and semi-dormancy at every opportunity. There was a sense of caution that was kept, the Autobots never daring to touch his blood or interact with him at all save for the Prime's occasional attempts to speak with him and ensure he had no plans to awaken fully any time soon.

Usually Unicron's harassment ended up being small things like inconveniencing the Autobots by making it rain more often in certain areas or causing them to be unable to find energon for a while. Although he took care to ensure they didn't starve, he needed them alive for the time being after all. He purposefully liked to bother Optimus by sending ominous signs, leaving the Prime on edge for weeks and usually never doing anything with it. He also made sure that the tree humans under their care were always kept safe, even going out of his way to awaken an avatar when required to keep them from harm. While not usually his way of going about things, he only wanted his children to die naturally, not because of his brother's children's petty war. He was half tempted to try and give the human children gifts or something of the like to protect them, but upon noticing their fear and the general toxicity of his blood, he put that plan aside and served as a protector only when required.

The Decepticons however received no such leniency. While normally Unicron would be pleased with Cybertronians handing themselves over to him in exchange for power, this instance was different. Megatron wanted to rule Cybertron, and Unicron could care less. But the warlord had expressed a desire to cyberform earth as well, destroying all life upon its surface, and that could not stand. Earth and its inhabitants belonged to him, no one was allowed to touch his children, especially not a wayward brat of Primus. So he made life as miserable for the Decepticons as possible without outright murdering them. He would prefer if the Cybertronians wiped each other out, so why get rid of either faction? So long as they obliterated themselves he wouldn't have to worry about retribution from his brother or possible threats from them in the future.

Usually he tended to just screw over the Nemesis's flight patterns with terrible storm and other elemental hazards. He also found it incredibly entertaining to make life harder for the Vehicons in the mines. He sometimes made a few terrorcons with old corpses just to watch the Decepticon troops scream. Screwing with Megatron through strange visions and odd dreams was also funny, especially when the warlord couldn't figure out why he was dreaming of frolicking with the Autobots and doing the tango with Ratchet. It was just so much fun for Unicron to mess with Shockwave too, often subtly altering experiments of his to watch the scientist silently fume. He usually didn't do anything actually harmful unless the Decepticons harmed his humans, in which case he would gladly throw terrorcons at them or shoot their ship with lightening and the like as a warning.

The humans are his children. No one screws with them unless they want a very pissed of god of destruction doing everything in his power to ruin their life.

[dmbakura]

I need a palate cleanser after reading really dumb opinions and I really like your analysis- What's your take on Cazador's detect thoughts monologue (as in, what it means?)

And if you feel up to it id also love seeing your take on astarions spawn epilogue when he talks about accepting himself and not obsessing over the choices people have made for him, because ive also seen varying opinions on what it means somehow :P

Cazador's "the monster that will not end" dialogue, right? Cazador I find a really fascinating character even though most of him and his backstory is left up to interpretation/hc. This monologue in particular I feel demonstrates Cazador is just as trapped in the cycle of violence that he perpetuates.

"These deathless dreams hold memories of a mortal life once-forgotten. Of the boy I was, the man I became, the monster that will not end. I sleep, but cannot rest. I live, but cannot die. I am eternal, and I grieve."

It seems like pretty straightforward vampire angst to me. In dnd becoming a true vampire can basically rot your brain (amplifying obsessions and warping/diminishing emotions) and it sounds like Cazador is actually very self aware about what he is. We know he was essentially groomed by Vellioth too, so I feel like that plays into it as well. Mostly, I feel like he's just tired and old and desperate for an out. You would HAVE to be desperate to take contracts from devils (they prey on that shit too.) Once he's defeated, even in the version of his ending where Astarion is there, he doesn't really make much of an effort to resist either? Idk, I feel there's some level of grieving that he couldn't have been different? Fulfilled in some other way? Not that I think he's sympathetic or has any real chance of redemption, but I feel there are several humanizing aspects of Cazador that often go overlooked, and he does serve as a pretty harrowing mirror image to how Astarion could have turned out (or does turn out in the ascended ending.)

As for Astarion's epilogue. "I spent too long defined by what other people did to me. The choices other people made for me - but that's over now." Well let's just say I think it's a really beautiful perfect summation of his character arc (that apparently goes over some people's heads........ 🤭)

[enkisstories]

Hux' end of turn card activates the hydra. Sitting closest to the miniature, Poe picks it up...

Poe: "What did it do again?"

Rose: "Damage the interior tile closest to it."

Poe: "'From an ocean tile all the way into the ship? That requires a good run up."

Poe: "Mother Hydra dives, momentarily confusing everyone into thinking she retreated into the ominous depths. The passenger in the chapel opens the window to check, only to see the hydra SURGE! A monstrous wave splashes into the room. It smashes everything that's not nailed down against the walls, destroying the furniture and tearing holes into the woodwork in the process. With her tentacle - and to the excited shrieks of the deep spawns on this tile - Hydra slaps the lone passenger unconscious."

Hux: "That's the second time in as many weeks that I desperately wish I could forget what I've heard - and seen, in this case - you say and do."

Finn: "Isn't he the cutest?"

Finn: "Which of us was that on the tile, by the way?"

Poe: "The deckmaster. Erm... Rose."

Rose: "What? That thing can't just knock me out! It left the trio of deep spawn on my tile well alone!"

Hux: "Can, too. You may be Mother Hydra's progeny, but as of now you're unrevealed. You smell like icky human."

Rose: "But...!"

Hux: "Revealing costs one action and will make the deep spawn friendly to you."

Poe: "Feel free to drop your disguise any time, so that we can finally attack you."

Rose: "The hell I will! - Alright, my turn now.

I use my character ability to move from the infirmary to the deck adjacent to the chapel. Free action. Then I attack the deep spawn here - that's a seven, so back into the unfathomable depths its corpse goes. I kick it overboard for good measure. Now I use my running shoes to enter the destroyed chapel and as my regular action I activate True Courage: Two more actions. With this Rampage card I get four attacks... right, scratch three deep spawn. And with my final action and those cards here I repair the chapel."

Rose: "There. That's what shipshape means!"

Hux: "You sure that was the most economic use of those car..."

Rose: "Shut up, Hux! No talking when I'm gloating!"

Rose: "That thing can't just bitch-slap me and think I'll stay loyal to Fishielandia. Arjun is back on the light side!"

Switching loyalty back after drawing a traitor card is not allowed in the game rules. Finn and Poe expect the game's owner to point that out any moment, probably followed by him getting slashed by Rose with her card hand. But the self-proclaimed "man of the law" just accepts the turn of events and the game continues without a traitor.

Note: This actually happened irl with a new player, who liked the concept of battling deep ones and traitors, but who really, really hated it when they drew the hybrid card themselves (it was immediately apparent). I was the player who activated the hydra, and after the hybrid's tantrum against the deep ones (they were playing Jamie, so it was even more impressive), we just accepted the redemption arc. We still lost due to resource loss, but as a hybrid Jamie survived and went on to fight their fishie relatives another day - a traitor, only for the right cause now.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Omg saw it and lived it too... And how do you feel about Lena and cap??

Possible potential. But given the presence of Gemma Chan (criminally underutilized), I’m thinking more along the lines of Lena doing some alien salvage for Luthor Corp and finding Minerva alive among the debris of her crashed ship. 

Lena helps her recuperate, and Minerva begrudgingly doesn’t kill her immediately. Just until she’s healed turns into just until she has a way off this rock, because guess what Lena is the best chance she has of getting an interstellar ship (or comms).

Over the months,  they grow closer. Each other’s pet aliens, as it were.

But then they get physically close. Minerva tells herself that it’s only to incentivize Lena to work faster, and has nothing to do with the fact that once Lena learns what gets a Kree going, she’s VERY good at it.

And when it comes time to leave, Minerva invites Lena.

“This planet is too small for a mind like yours, Lena. Come with me, and I can show you the galaxy.”

Well, how could Lena refuse an offer like that?

She goes with Minerva, and on Hala she sees and learns a great many wondrous things. It’s all she could ever dream, and more. The Kree are hungry like she is, to learn, and share, and consume all the knowledge they can get their hands on.

And despite their last experience with a human, the Kree find Lena equally intriguing. With Lena, Minerva claims, the Kree will have the means to destroy Vers. 

What they don’t anticipate is that Lena will cross paths with Danvers alone. There’s a malfunction at an orbital research station, and Lena would have perished if not for Marvel’s timely arrival. 

She’s heard of the human reactor known as Vers– a monster, a terrorist who would see the Kree’s legacy destroyed and their communal knowledge destroyed. An annihilator, through and through.

But when Carol realizes that the Kree’s newest weapon is yet another human, one from Earth, she’s quick to set the record straight. It turns out it’s easy to see the Kree’s lies when she’s not immersed in them, and Lena quickly accepts the truth.

So when Minerva comes to rescue Lena herself, she’s shocked and outraged to find Lena has chosen to abandon her.

Not hurt, though. It doesn’t sting to see her human standing shoulder to shoulder with her greatest annoyance (Vers doesn’t rate the title of enemy. She’s an insect, a pest). And she feels nothing when green eyes glare at her in dismay and disappointment, and the same determination that had once promised to get her home, now vowing to end her.

It doesn’t weigh on her in the weeks that follow, and she doesn’t feel Lena’s sudden absence like a black hole in her chest. It’s not jealousy that sparks in her chest to think of Lena and Vers growing close, in the same way she and the human did in the LuthorCorp lab– it’s rage. Rage that fills her throat at the idea of Lena making those sounds she made for Minerva, of Lena smiling that smirk that did strange things to Minerva’s stomach, all for Vers.

When she finally tracks them down, it’s with vengeance in her heart. She intends to kill them both, and be done with it.

But when she finally has Lena in her sights– she freezes.

She’s never felt anything to see her targets’ fear before. They rarely saw her anyway, and those that did were often dead before they could react to the sight of her. But she hesitates when Lena looks at her with resolute terror, planting herself between Minerva and a group of Skrull children.

She hesitates. For one heartbeat, then two.

“They’re just children,” Lena points out breathlessly, as if Minerva should care. “How could you do this?”

“Orders are orders,” Minerva retorts. Her finger tightens on the trigger– but she can’t fire. She lowers her weapon, just an inch. “End this nonsense, Lena. Return with me, and all will be forgiven.”

“Forgiven??”

“We were friends once, weren’t we?”

Lena’s head shakes, eyes glistening. Minerva eyes the unshed tears with distaste. Humans were so emotional– so weak.

“No…”

Minerva quirked one eyebrow. “No?”

Lena glares. “You lied to me.”

“I told you enough. The Kree has more knowledge than you could dream of… What does it matter where it came from?”

“The Kree have slaughtered thousands. It wasn’t your knowledge to take,” Lena snarls. Her hands flex, even with her arms still outstretched. “You can keep it– it’s built on rot.”

Minerva sneers. “Your humanity is showing, Lena. It doesn’t suit you.”

“I am human.”

“No, you’re not. You’re so much more… A human would not have left their planet behind to travel across the universe. You’re more like us than you care to admit. You’re ravenous, starving to learn, to consume all the knowledge in your reach. That is all we are– the Kree are the only ones who dare reach out and take it. As you did.”

Lena’s nose wrinkles, defiant and indignant. Minerva swallows the rage that flares when she sees Vers in the expression– the stubborn disregard of the truth. The spite. The tears of anger, and frustration, sparkling still.

They gazes hold, for long interminable moments. Before either of them can speak, another of Minerva’s new squad converges on their location, weapon at the ready. 

"Step aside, human, and I may spare your life.”

Lena holds Minerva’s gaze for a long final moment.

Minerva watches her human’s features harden, turning a haughty glare on the unfamiliar Kree.

“Bite me.”

All Minerva registers is her finger finally breaking through its freeze. Her weapon recoils, but it’s not Lena who falls.

Her squad mate topples over, chest sizzling with expended plasma.

Lena blinks at her in shock, and Minerva has never in her life understood the meaning of the word as she does in that moment. Her rifle sags, as the gravity of her action settles on her shoulders.

Her life is forfeit. Unless she lies, pins the murder on the humans, or the Skrull. But if anyone questions it, if the Supreme Intelligence looks through her mind…

“Minerva?”

Lena stands before her, hands gentle on her cheeks. The Skrull have vanished, leaving them alone with the evidence of her crimes. Green eyes search hers for understanding. Minerva has none.

Her throat hurts, as though someone had reached down and pulled her lungs out through her mouth. She can barely breathe.

“It was you or him,” she mutters.

She chose Lena. And Minerva knows… She would again.

“Come with us,” Lena urges breathlessly. 

Minerva stares at her. “Why? By your own words, I’m a monster.”

“I’m not just a human,” Lena tells her. “I’m also a Luthor.”

Her name means nothing to Minerva, except that it’s Lena. But it makes Lena smile, however wan.

“A legacy of violence can feel insurmountable. But making things right starts with a choice. You just have to keep making them.”

Lena looks deep in her eyes. Her fingers tighten on Minerva’s wrist.

“Help us make things right.”

Minerva turns her head, gazing at the body of her comrade, still faintly smoking. A choice. The words echo in her brain.

She’s already made her choice.

Their fingers lace together for a brief moment, before Minerva disengages and tucks her rifle back into the pocket of her shoulder.

“Let’s move.”

She chooses Lena a second time.

[kabu-writes]

Incorrect quotes but with genshin characters

Diluc,Kaeya,Venti

diluc: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. kaeya: Wasn't venti with you? venti: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

diluc: kaeya and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us venti: *Sighing* What did kaeya do? diluc: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... kaeya: Who wants a steering wheel?

diluc: We need a distraction. kaeya: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? venti, whispering: My time has come

diluc, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him kaeya: You did WHAT– venti: William Snakepeare

diluc: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste kaeya: We got spring water diluc: NO. venti: with EXTRA minerals kaeya: it's like licking a stalagmite diluc: DON'T COME HOME. venti: Mmmmm cave water

Jean, Lisa

jean: What are your goals? lisa: To pet all the dogs. jean: No, fitness goals. lisa: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

jean: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! lisa: Really? Name one law jean: Don't kill people? lisa: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

jean: Okay, help me please! lisa: Got two words for you. jean: I bet they won't be helpful. lisa: Your problem. jean: I was right

jean, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me lisa, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

jean: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. lisa: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. jean: Absolutely not.

Raiden Shogun, Yae Miko

Raiden Shogun: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword. Yae Miko: That's why I carry two swords.

Raiden Shogun: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Yae Miko: You mean literally or figuratively? Raiden Shogun: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Raiden Shogun: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut... Yae Miko: You would eat yourself? Raiden Shogun: I wouldn’t even question it.

Raiden Shogun: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent? Yae Miko: Go the fuck to sleep Raiden Shogun: What gif I don't want to? Yae Miko: Fuck You

Raiden Shogun: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail Yae Miko: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police

Itto, Gorou, Ayato, Thoma

Itto: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three- Itto and Gorou, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks! Ayato: Our turn, Thoma! One, two, three- vanilla! Thoma, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Itto: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Gorou: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Ayato: I personally was created in a lab. Thoma: I just straight up spawned lol.

Itto: *Screams* Gorou: *Screams louder to establish dominance* Ayato: Should we do something? Thoma: No, I want to see who wins.

Itto: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos. Gorou: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Ayato: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Thoma: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Itto: Shit. Gorou: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Ayato: OH MY GOD THOMA FELL OFF!!!

Tighnari, Cyno

Tighnari: Today is a day of running through hurdles. Cyno: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles? Tighnari: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Tighnari, tending to Cyno's wounds: How would you rate your pain? Cyno: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Tighnari: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine Tighnari: i became more evil if you’re curious Cyno: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still! Tighnari: i’m going to get worse on purpose

Tighnari, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something. Cyno: I saw a squirrel in a tree today! Tighnari, with the tone of someone who is used to Cyno: Outstanding. Tighnari: This is what I’m talking about people.

Tighnari: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Cyno: What did you do? Tighnari: Nobody died. Cyno: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Tartaglia/Childe, Zhongli

Tartaglia: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Zhongli: You need to stop.

Tartaglia: Where are you going? Zhongli: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Tartaglia: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things. *Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder* Zhongli: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

Tartaglia: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you Zhongli: 10 times 0 is still 0 though Tartaglia: Jokes on you, I can't do math

Tartaglia: Whaddya call a fish with no eye? Zhongli, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons Tartaglia: Tartaglia: fsh

Ningguang, Beidou

*Ningguang and Beidou are doing something absurdly dangerous* Ningguang: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time! Beidou, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Ningguang, talking to Beidou on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to? Beidou: You bet! Ningguang: At what temperature? Beidou: 535. Ningguang: That's the clock. Beidou: Ningguang: Beidou: 536.

Ningguang: Beidou, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power! Beidou: Well of course I have. Beidou: Have you ever tried going mad without power? Beidou: It's boring.

Ningguang: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back. Beidou: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Ningguang: What’s up guys? I’m back. Beidou: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Ningguang: Death is a social construct.

Keqing, Ganyu

Keqing: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Ganyu: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

Keqing: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Ganyu: Okay. Keqing: And make out during the scary parts. Ganyu: Th- Ganyu: The scary parts. Ganyu: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Keqing: Am I in trouble? Ganyu: Take a guess. Keqing: No? Ganyu: Take another guess.

Keqing: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. Ganyu: You and me!!! Keqing, tearing up: Okay.

Keqing, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know! Ganyu: How? Keqing: How what? Ganyu: How could they be worse? Keqing: They couldn’t, I lied. Ganyu:

Give me more groups/duos and ill post another <3 (this took far to long)

[ficcrimes]

warder

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Characters: Arackniss, Charlie Ship: Arackniss/Charlie A/N: a spicy commission. includes: bodyguard au, shitty hotel doors and their shittier locks, fun with guns, and a blowie. >///>;; Summary:  There’s never a dull day when you’re the Princess of Hell’s bodyguard.

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Being the Princess’ bodyguard came with a lot of surprises. 

The first being that, really, she didn’t need a bodyguard at all. Arackniss had seen for himself, more than once by now, that Charlie was more than capable of taking care of herself. Being the spawn of Lucifer and Lilith came with powers most hellborns and sinners couldn’t even begin to comprehend. And yet, her father still insisted she be guarded - especially after she set out on her own to pursue her, admittedly, ridiculous vision of redemption. 

He supposed it was the thought that counted. Or, at least, Lucifer hoped it counted for something. Charlie’s family business was really none of Arackniss’ but he’d go out on a limb to guess that her parents’ support would have meant more than a gifted bodyguard. 

He did his best not to think about that; he wasn’t paid enough to get involved that deep. It was hard not to think about it though, when Charlie became more and more defeated with every ignored phone call. 

She seemed to bounce back easy enough, at least. She never let herself wallow too long in her own pity, and instead refocused all of her attention on her hotel and the many sinners’ redemption arcs just waiting to be discovered. 

Arackniss’ included. 

He, personally, didn’t believe it was going to work out, or that it was even possible. Plenty of good people who did bad things ended up in Hell, and that alone was enough for him to consider it not worth the effort. Not that he would tell Charlie that, of course. 

His opinions on that matter aside, it didn’t take very long at all for the two to gravitate toward each other in less than professional ways. Being left to their own devices in a massive and relatively empty hotel and outside of Lucifer and Lilith’s peripherals at all times meant more lingering looks and touches that could have been accidental but weren’t. 

There was no denying Charlie was attractive, and regardless of what he thought of her ambitions, her drive to get where she wanted to go was admirable. It was almost cliche for someone like him to end up wanting someone like her. 

It didn’t help at all that she wanted him back. 

Even with the hotel being barely staffed and scarcely rented out, they still did their best to be secretive whenever they wanted to be alone together. It would have helped them some if Angel wasn’t around so often; while Arackniss didn’t have to worry about his brother running off to tell their father about his dirty deeds with the princess, he was still a gossip. And, just like on Earth, gossip and rumors spread fast in Hell. 

So even though keeping things as secretive as possible was a hassle, it made things easier in the long run. For the time being, anyway. 

It would catch up to them, Arackniss was sure of that. But now was not the time to think of that, especially when they were holed up in an empty hotel room with a lock that worked questionably at best. Had they even bothered to close the door all the way? He couldn’t recall, but he hoped they had while clumsily and hastily stumbling inside.

He’d go and check, but with Charlie on her knees in front of him, his mind decidedly settled on staying right where he was. 

He jerked his hips forward just a little as she tugged his pants down, and then shoved him back against the dresser behind him. The edge cut into the backs of his thighs before one set of hands managed to brace himself properly. 

Just one more surprise of being involved with Charlie; when the mood struck, her sexual appetite was incredibly voracious. And Arackniss didn’t mind that one bit, if anything he looked forward to the way she seemed to so desperately need him. 

While she fondled him into a full erection, he made a clumsy effort to remove his gun from the back of his pants. It would do neither of them any good if it hit the floor and went off. Not that his current round of ammunition could do much damage to either of them, but the attention the shot would bring to them would certainly be unwanted. 

He placed the gun on the dresser at his side, though didn’t quite get around to taking his hand away from it. The way Charlie was touching him made coordinating his movements a little more difficult than he would have liked to admit. 

The scrape of gunmetal on the dresser and it's glint in the dark seemed to catch Charlie’s attention as she leaned in to kiss the tip of him. It may have only been a glance, but Arackniss caught the way her eyes flitted from the gun in his hand and up to his face, and then away entirely. 

Deliberately, he dragged the mouth and sight of the handgun against the dresser again before lifting it up. The sound alone seemed to have the desired effect, as Charlie shifted on her knees and the blush across the bridge of her nose darkened. 

One hand found her hair and tangled in it, giving a little tug. “See somethin’ you like, Princess?” he asked, holding the gun up and giving it a little wave about. 

Charlie remained quiet for a moment, holding his gaze and doing her best to continue kissing at him. 

No definitive answer, Arackniss tugged her back by her hair gently, putting distance between his arousal and her mouth. His grin was sharp as he brought the gun to her instead. He ran the sight against her flushed and rosy cheek, then down toward her mouth. Her startled gasp and squeak at this made him chuckle inwardly. 

“Give it a lil kiss for me?” he coaxed while the fingers in her hair softly kneaded her scalp. 

“Arackniss,” Charlie whimpered, looking up at him with glassy eyes. “C-come on. This is… ”

“Gettin’ you wet,” he finished for her, and then pressed the gun toward her mouth again. “Kiss it.” 

She whined quietly, but complied. She pressed her lips to the gun carefully, and when he didn’t seem ready to pull it away after just that one, she kissed it again. And again, and again, until finally he did move it away, rubbing it against her neck and shoulder. 

“Good girl,” he mumbled, breathy and husky, and began to guide her back toward himself. This time, when she was close enough, there was no hesitance in taking him into her mouth. If she had been eager before, her desire seemed to have doubled now. 

He’d have to remember the gun for the next time. 

Her hands came up and found his hips, sharp nails digging into skin and fur with more force than likely intended. But the bite of her nails was welcomed, and he groaned and thrust into her mouth as she began to suck and stroke him with her tongue. 

Between the way the gun had worked her up and the way she had kissed it, and the way her mouth was currently working on him, he knew he wouldn’t last too long. That didn’t mean he wasn’t about to enjoy every moment of, though, and he had absolutely no shame in letting her know such, either. He made sure to grab and tug at her hair when her tongue or teeth hit just the right spot on his shaft. He even held her head in place now and then, thrusting shamelessly and eagerly into her mouth. 

Her quiet whimpers and moans and the way she shifted on her knees told him she was desperate, too. When this was finished, he would have to return the favor. And this was something he shouldn’t have thought too much about, because the thought of her on his tongue was enough to finally push him over the edge. He gripped her hair tight again and pressed himself inward, spurting into her mouth, down her throat. 

He almost missed his chance, but he was quick to lift the gun again and press it to her throat just as she swallowed. By the time he let her pull away, her pale skin was dusted pink all the way down to her heaving chest. 

“If I’da known guns got you off like that, I woulda letcha play with ‘em sooner, Princess,” Arackniss teased, finally putting the gun down on the dresser. Charlie didn’t bother to ward off the assumption, and instead giggled softly to herself.

“But for now, I think I oughta take care of that mess between your legs, huh?” 

“O-oh,” Charlie glanced down to her own lap, her thighs still pressed tightly together. She smiled up at him, a little bashful but not outright shy. “I… guess you should.”

However, before he could even make a move to shove himself off of the dresser and pin her to the floor like he very much wanted to do, the creaking hinges of the room’s door caught his attention. 

Fat Nuggets nosed his way into the room and paused in his wandering when he noticed he was not alone. 

This wouldn’t have been too much of a problem if it didn’t mean Angel wasn’t far behind him. 

And that they had, very obviously, not closed or locked the door on their way in.

[appleflavoredkitkats]

dream smp war 2 updates

doing a second chain post! i thought it would be appropriate if i did since it seems like there’s a new era of wars coming our way. 

(this post will keep updating by reblogged additions, so feel free to save this post somewhere or follow me to check for new updates every now and then!)

and ya’know, i thought wouldn’t be able to do this, but i realize that where else am i gonna infodump but here? so yea. here i go again.

(if you wanna check the first dream smp war post-war updates, it’s here!)

without further ado, time to explain whatever the heck just happened last stream! timeline of events might be funky because a lot of things happened, but i’ll try my best to at least mention everything that went down in the streams.

wilbur, tommy, tubbo, eret, quackity, and a confused hbomb’s stream - september 22

summary: schlatt and quackity win presidency, tommy and wilbur are exiled, some friends have become traitors, some foes have become allies, and technoblade joins the game.

the first streams that came from this honestly were very calm. legit the calm before the storm. tubbo was hanging out with niki, eret, and hbomb and eret reveals to tubbo that his first pufferfish that was stolen by fundy was actually in eret’s possession all along. eret gladly returns the beloved pufferfish to tubbo, and they rename it back to it’s original name “phukkit”.

then, everyone begins going in the server as each campaign stands on the podium waiting for the event to begin. wilbur, tommy, and tubbo first stray away from the group for a bit to watch l’manberg one last time. tubbo introduces to them his secret bunker in the lake for them to seek refuge just in case pog2020 loses. inside the bunker’s chests are some freshly brewed potions for wilbur and tommy to use in the future.

tubbo then brings tommy to the benches outside tommy’s little house and they play one more music disc together. here, tubbo gifts tommy the pufferfish he just gained earlier today, and tommy promised to treasure it dearly.

now, the event begins, and wilbur begins announcing the results. luckily, everyone is here this time. in last place is coconut2020. a funny thing about this is that fundy actually committed tax fraud and got around 100,000+ votes to be counted in the google form just from coding some bot to vote for them. in third place is schlatt, in second is quackity, and pog2020 wins the number one vote.

here’s where the plot twist happens: quackity and schlatt apparently agreed to combine their votes if pog2020 doesn’t win. therefore, quackity and schlatt got 47% of the votes as pog only got 46%, making schlatt and quackity the shared president of l’manberg. tommy protests to these decisions, but wilbur accepts it with ease, and the two merely step down the podium in shame as they watch schlatt take a speech.

schlatt went on full dictator mode-- the first decree he signed as president is to revoke wilbur and tommy’s presence in l’manberg, exiling them. tommy was confused at first before wilbur demanded him to run to the bunker. schlatt immediately conducts a search party for him, electing tubbo as his right hand man to personally hunt the two down. obviously, tubbo would do it hesitantly, and he doesn’t actually get to meet the two in the bunker at all.

a lot of the nation was quite torn from the election results. quackity and george seem to be supportive of schlatt, niki, tubbo, and eret seem to despise schlatt, and fundy and jack seem to just blindly support him as well despite being l’manbergians. punz, ponk, and hbomb were there as well, but it was quite difficult to know who they were siding with since they kinda just got pushed around by everyone at the end.

using invisibility potions, wilbur and tommy escape the bunker to go somewhere in the forest to find their new home. they find a nice hill to make a small house in, and they later name this new nation “pogtopia”. they run into some conflicts though as wilbur and tommy forget to bring an enderchest with them, and they need some of the materials in them now if they want to build up a defense.

and then, in the middle of nowhere, techno tweeted:

wilbur claims he doesn’t want to trust techno right away because he was american, but they do consider having him as an ally later on.

firstly, let’s get back to l’manberg. upon schlatt’s request, the walls of l’manberg are being torn down. i heard somewhere that this might’ve been done thanks to fundy’s suggestion, but i’m not sure. everyone complies, and wilbur and tommy visit l’manberg one last time before it gets taken apart. as they watch fundy and tubbo tear down the wall, wilbur sings the l’manbergs national anthem. (the wall also eventually gets expanded past l’manberg, but i’m not sure how far they’ve built it)

speaking of fundy, fundy’s kind of in a weird place right now. he seems to unhesitantly side with schlatt in this election, and allows his policies easily as if he didn’t care about anyone else in l’manberg. knowing this, wilbur actually disowns fundy. it wasn’t in front of him, but he does say that he is extremely hurt by him in front of techno and tommy.

before i talk about the rescue of techno, we gotta go back to quackity and schlatt for a bit. quackity actually caught tommy visiting his place to get an enderchest, but i believe he doesn’t tell schlatt about it. quackity is quite interesting because while he does believe in some of the policies schlatt believes in, he also believes that schlatt is taking this dictatorship too far. even he thought exiling tommy and wilbur was a big deal, and he aims to be the voice of reason to be able to change schlatt’s mind about his policies. moreover, he wants to discuss matters with tommy and wilbur as well to get on their side too, but wilbur doesn’t wanna talk to quackity because, fourth wall break, he believes they’re progressing far into the story too much if they do, and honestly, valid reason lmao.

do note that quackity is trying his best to tear down schlatt’s evil dictatorship. he’s secretly been advocating for niki and is helping her escape schlatt’s grasp when she needs it, and he eventually talked to schlatt near the end of the stream to be more mindful of quackity’s opinions because without him, schlatt wouldn’t have won. there’s some toxic relationship plot device being used here between schlatt and quackity, and i’m interested to see how this will all play out.

back to tommy and wilbur, they call techno and actually consider his help. tommy says he will run back to spawn and tell him when to join so that he can bring him to their secret base. eret tries to help them and supply them with goods, but tommy and wilbur refuses his help profusely. finally, when tommy reaches spawn, techno joins, and my god, all the three streams i watched just went “TECHNOBLADE????” all at once. 

on schlatt’s end, he claims that techno’s arrival was part of schlatt’s plan all this time. on the other hand, techno claims he’s only here for wilbur and tommy. i fully believe techno would be with wilbur and tommy, but of course, i can never be sure. just don’t discount the possibility of a traitor!techno happening sometime soon.

even if ponk tried to kill techno and tommy as they tried to escape, tommy was able to kill ponk before techno got hurt. they eventually arrived to pogtopia, and there, wilbur declares that he will be a different man from what they know of him pre-election. i’m thinking there’s going to be more violence surrounding the war, and also some strategic planning. they want to get tubbo as a secret agent for them to tear schlatt and quackity apart, eventually leading to the downfall of the dictatorship. niki might also be someone crucial here because she and wilbur have been exchanging messages secretly, so there’s going to be some niki action too.

then, schlatt makes another announcement. after the walls have been torn down, he declares l’manberg gets a new name-- manberg. niki protests, and wilbur and tommy and rightfully disgusted, but schlatt wasn’t going to do anything about it.

everyone in pogtopia, before they can stack up on some resources, have to go back to the dream smp because they comedically have to get a visa for one day for when ninja joins the minecraft server. they were greeted peacefully (and techno steals some potatoes!!!), and it was definitely fun to see so many people in the server all at once. evetually, schlatt does grant them the visa, and they leave. they talk to tubbo one last time, and tubbo warns them about techno being allegedly “paid” by schlatt to betray tommy and wilbur. tommy regards it for now, but after that, they leave to return to pogtopia.

in pogtopia, they begin mining for resources. in the ravine they found below their base, tommy found a strip mine that leads EXACTLY BACK to his bunker. this will be used for a secret passage for them just in case they discreetly want to return to the dream smp.

this is kinda where the main plot stuff ends for wilbur and tommy’s streams, but in eret’s stream, apparently he and bad found pogtopia. they find techno silently, gifting him with potatoes, and leaving promptly after.

on quackity’s end, he’s really trying to convince schlatt to become more open-minded about this entire presidency. there’s some real tension going on between these two, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if they break it off for quackity to join pogtopia. it really seems like they’re hinting it to become that way.

now, it seems like everything’s done, but nope. on eret’s stream, fundy single handedly burned down the l’manberg flag that niki built. FUNDY BETRAYAL AND ERET REDEMPTION ARC. niki is LIVID at fundy, but she wasn’t able to talk to him as he left the server immediately. we don’t know what fundy’s true intentions are, but it’s assumed that he’s siding with schlatt for now. eret at least tells niki they’ll try to rebuild it with concrete so it can’t be destroyed.

JUST AS ALL THIS SHIT CONCLUDES, SAPNAP JOINS. he only joins so he can catch up with everything he missed. eret and niki explain everything to him, and sapnap says he will have to talk to dream about this. he then leaves afterwards.

conclusion: BE HYPED. BE HYPED FOR PLOT. SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION TO THE ENTIRETY OF THE DREAM SMP FOR THIS AMAZING PLOT. DON’T SEND THEM HATE; MAKE CONTENT FOR IT INSTEAD. these people probably worked hard improv-ing/making plots for these, so show your love and appreciation for them!!!!!

[ratcandy]

Tell me about this AU please I wanna cry tonight

PLEASE . It's not. Hskjdhg. As I said it's not largely interesting or even well thought out, it's just one short idea I had that I keep having angsty Brain Animatics to. But uh! I'll give a summary of it, sure!

I swear the AU itself doesn't have much going on but I explain things in overly-complicated ways. So. Long.

T/W: Child death, genocide. mb just being generally fucked up and evil

Since this came about due to me thinking about Goofy Mafia a lot, it's mostly centered around him. The question I was rotating in my brain that spawned this whole mess was "what exactly was the dynamic between him and the Mafia Boss?" seeing as he's. Unique? Clearly? In some way? So he's gotta be important to SOME degree

The concept I had was that he's a somewhat second-in-command to MB. The two are also pretty good friends!! Just a couple'a guys being dudes GM's deeper feelings might be a LITTLE more . Intricate. Than that, but I haven't put toooo much thought in that direction other than some "heehehoeehooo hoo... heehoo what if for extra spicy pain." So take that idea with a grain of salt!

Anyway general gist of the whole au though is that the Mafia Boss is actually competent. And. Properly threatening and malicious. Because I like making pure asshole villains doing atrocious horrible things with no regard for anyone. (also after forcing myself to come up with a redemption arc I was getting frustrated and decided NO. I'm going to make him WORSE.) Plot happens as normal for a while. The Mafia have some sorta Workers' Rebellion and decide to fuck off overseas with MB leading them, they find the island, and. The takeover is as brutal and horrible and devastating as you can IMAGINE.

Because GFB left it up to interpretation and this is a scenario where I'm making things worse. So. It's a very hostile conquering and a lot of people die!

And MB is just like "SAD. well there are other civilians"

Goofy Mafia, however, has morals! So he's at least mildly horrified at what MB is doing, lightly attempting to talk him down from this power high. Yknow,, try and convince him that this amount of destruction and death is not totally necessary.

but we know GM's not the most confident man alive, so. this proves nigh impossible for him. Especially since MB is the complete opposite in that he's OVERLY confident

Ultimately GM gives up trying to persuade him, falling into a severe case of the bystander effect as he stands idle by his friend/leader while said friend/leader condemns anyone that defies him with death (yknow. like Mu does at the end of the game. Hahaha parallels. Crazy). GM feels awful but keeps trying to tell himself that it'll be fine eventually, this'll all blow over and they'll all be fine. It's totally okay this is totally cool.

And eventually, it does calm down. If only because all the original island folk are either dead or hiding. And then the Mafia begin life there as they do in game.

meanwhile MB goes off the shits: Speedrun!! Pure ego asshole with ONE (1) goal of complete power over everyone and also All Your God Damn Cash. He's generally nice to his Mafia, and still treats GM with a weird amount of jovialness and respect, but. Still a very corrupted and horrible and dangerous guy to be around

This gets a thousand times worse when the timepieces begin falling and he gets his hands on one.

MB goes off the shits: part two. Because corrupting an already incredibly corrupted individual? Girl! You better believe his aggression spikes like mad and suddenly he's... not approachable. By anyone.

after a few days of MB being actually dangerous to stand near for more than two minutes, GM flees the Mafia Headquarters for a bit. Not to leave forever, just to get some fresh air. While he's out and about in the much serener town (which... seeing how Mafia Town is, this should tell you a lot about the state of the HQ right now), he hears children's voices.

Children??!??!? Here?!? Alive??

Turns out, a certain Hatted child fell with the timepieces. and has made friends with the local Red Hooded Hooligan. The latter of which is much more scuffed and bruised in this au than in canon!!

Said hatted child is also collecting the weird hourglass things that are falling out of the sky. Hmm. MB got a lot worse when he got his hands on one of those... maybe if they were back with who is presumably their owner, he'll go back to normal?... Which. Normal him wasn't fantastic either, but. At least you could hold a conversation with him without him looking like he'll slit your throat

He was a bit wary of approaching - what appeared to be - a child with any requests for help,,, until he witnessed her beat the hell out of several Mafia. Then he went "ok maybe she'd be fine?" but still. a little hesitant. so he came up with his own plan

He approaches HK, explaining that his boss has gone insane (more than he already was) and he thinks it's the timepiece's fault. He offers to bring the timepiece to her since she seems to own them and know what to do with them. He knoWs MB will not be happy about that, but reasons that "I'm his friend he PROBABLY won't kill me for stealing it"

But Mu, who is also present during this conversation, and reasonably distrusting of any Mafia (including GM), is like "NO we're gonna KILL AND MAIM the Mafia Boss. TOGETHER" To which GM anxiously protests that MB is very dangerous!! And while he believes MB would never hurt a child, he's not... willing to test that theory! So just let HIM get the Timepiece. And don't put yourself in danger, terrifying alien . because you are still quite obviously a Child

Hat Kid, being the way that she is, doesn't really say whether she'll be following that plan. I haven't decided if this is due to her also distrusting the Mafia (seeing as all the others thus far have been... less than ideal in how they handle timepieces), stubbornness (in-character), or some more heroic deal due to Mu's nonsense - in which she believes she can END this terribly Villainy and free the people of Mafia Town forever!!

one of the three at least sdhgKSJDGH

anyway long story short Hat Kid is conflicted on who she wants to believe here and ultimately decides to go to the Mafia HQ herself. She runs into GM there, who is like "CHILD NO. LEAVE" but Hat Kid just <3 I Can Totally Handle This Don't Worry! and does the usual shenaniganry she has to do so to get to MB (minus Mu. Seeing as GM is a doormat, he ends up helping HK in this situation so she doesn't get killed,, rather than trying to get her out of there. he takes Mu's role as the "distraction" so HK doesn't get caught shdgkjsh).

When confronting MB, the same kinda spiel happens (with notably a lot more aggression), and then the boss battle seems to happen as normally. Just without Mu. also when I say it happens as normally I am emphasizing the crowd of mafia watching this .

GM is watching from the doors of the theatre, absolutely NOT happy about this situation, but,,, Hat Kid seems to be holding her own pretty well, so maybe it'll turn out okay?,, and then it Doesn't. And MB kills Hat Kid

which is bad enough right? but oh no, turns out Mu found out Hat Kid showed up here without her and is TOTALLY mad that her new best bud just BETRAYED her!! Gonna go off on her for leaving her alone to do this herself when Mu TOTALLY could've helped. Move outta the way you big lug with the weird glasses I'm gonna stomp right up onto that stage and

oh .

The Mafia are cheering, MB is super stoked with his accomplishments in child murder, and GM is positively mortified After the initial shock wears off, Mu shrieks in OUTRAGE and nearly goes barreling in to inevitably get HERself killed before GM just goes "nO", grabs the child, and Books It

(and MB totally saw that happen which doesn't look great for GM that's for certain)

what happens after all that???

I don't Know . That's as far as I got. All I know is that GM and Mu are freshly traumatized and are now in an unlikely alliance; as the latter is a distressed child that just lost her only friend in a very brutal fashion (after also losing her family similarly) and the former is the friend of the now child-murderer and the full weight of everything is dawning on him as he realizes .

man.

this is kind of fucked up

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 2 July 2018

Quick Bits:

Ant-Man & The Wasp #3 is another fun issue in this mini as Scott and his tiny alien friends try to come up with a way to rescue Nadia. I’m still highly impressed by Javier Garrón’s art on this series, as it continues to push inventive designs, combined with Israel Silva’s bright, bouncy colours.

| Published by Marvel

Astonishing X-Men #13 begins Matthew Rosenberg and Greg Land’s run on the title and it’s very well done. It kicks off what looks to be Havok’s redemption arc, but the road is very rocky and unlike say, Magneto or Sabretooth, he’s not being given too much slack from his former compatriots. This first issue has a good deal of Rosenberg’s trademark humour and some pretty decent art from Land, Jay Leisten, and Frank D’Armata.

| Published by Marvel

Avengers #4 made it dawn on me what this run reminds me of, Grant Morrison and Howard Porter’s run on JLA. It’s intelligently crafted, widescreen action with Jason Aaron, Paco Medina, Ed McGuinness, Juan Velasco, Mark Morales, and David Curiel pulling it off very, very well.

| Published by Marvel

Captain America #1 is great. Ta-Nehisi Coates’ debut on the series finally addresses the fallout of Secret Empire on a personal and emotional level and it leads to an incredibly compelling story of war and pieces, as a new threat begins to surface and we’re left in a world where people don’t know who to trust. The story is enriched immensely by Leinil Francis Yu, Gerry Alanguilan, and Sunny Gho’s artwork which is just incredible. Yu is a consummate storyteller and this book is just flawless with its visuals. I’m very interested to see where this creative team is going to take this story.

| Published by Marvel

Cosmic Ghost Rider #1 continues the fun that was to be had during Donny Cates, Geoff Shaw, and Antonio Fabela’s excellent run on Thanos, with Cates’ Interceptor/Reactor collaborator, Dylan Burnett taking on the art chores. You don’t need to have read the earlier Thanos series to come in here, but I still highly recommend reading that run. “Thanos Wins” was a damn good story and so is this. The irreverent humour is here in spades, the art is glorious, and Frank Castle’s new mission should be interesting.

| Published by Marvel

Dark Ark #8 takes a very interesting turn as Shrae confronts the monster of the deep plaguing Noah’s ark. Juan Doe’s designs for even more of the monsters, and the deep one, are amazing.

| Published by AfterShock

Deadpool #2 has more glorious art from Nic Klein. This is among the best art in a Deadpool series and the character has seem some pretty incredible artists work on him. I can again easily recommend the title on the art alone, but I do have to say that the story is growing on me. I like the somewhat serious yet patently ridiculous interplay between Klein’s art and Skottie Young’s dialogue, with some very nice humorous moments here.

| Published by Marvel

Death of the Inhumans #1 is going to break your heart. Even if you hate the Inhumans, this is pretty harrowing. Donny Cates, Ariel Olivetti, and Jordie Bellaire are crafting a tale of loss here and this issue really makes that loss feel real, the threat possibly inescapable, as the Kree threaten genocide. This is pretty epic and I’m anxious to see what happens next.

| Published by Marvel

Death or Glory #3 is a harrowing issue, cutting deep twice, once as we go on a trip through Glory’s past and once again in the present, with a few other punches for good measure. Rick Remender and Bengal are delivering an incredibly nuanced, well-thought out, well-illustrated crime tale here and I recommend it highly for everyone. Loving this series.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Delta 13 #3 reaches the point in the horror story where there are weird shenanigans going on, but the creature(s) haven’t yet revealed themselves to the crew. Steve Niles and Nat Jones are really milking the atmosphere they’ve established, it should be very interesting when the story explodes.

| Published by IDW

Doctor Strange #3 is labelled as an Infinity Wars tie-in and given that it advances the plot and whereabouts of the Time Stone, it is absolutely essential to the overall story (even if “Infinity Countdown tie-in” might be a better label at this current point). Mark Waid and Jesús Saiz deliver a mostly standalone story here, fleshing out some of the character development between Strange and Kanna, but this issue should have interesting ramifications on the wider Infinity Stones arc.

| Published by Marvel

Giant Days #40 sees the welcome return of Max Sarin to the art chores, coinciding with Ed moving back in from the hospital. I’m impressed with what John Allison does with the confrontation between Ed and Esther. It’s not at all what I would have expected, but it feels right.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / BOOM! Box

The Gravediggers Union #8 is the quiet before the storm, with Cole having a talk with his daughter before the end, trying to convince her to walk away from destroying the world. I still love how Wes Craig, Toby Cypress, and Niko Guardia have turned this huge, weird epic into a deeply personal story of a girl who feels betrayed by her parents. Very much looking forward to seeing how this concludes next issue.

| Published by Image

The Highest House #5 is another brilliant issue in this series that everyone should be reading. Everyone. The layers of characters, the intricacies of the plot, the absolutely amazing artwork, Mike Carey, Peter Gross, and Fabien Alquier are crafting a masterpiece here.

| Published by IDW

Hunt for Wolverine: Weapon Lost #3 takes a turn as the detective group searching for Wolverine find a Wolverine. As with the other Hunt for Wolverine minis, most of this looks to be shaping up to be a wild goose chase, but for the most part these are still interesting stories in their own right. Charles Soule gives us another cliffhanger at the end here, I wonder if it will end up like last issue’s?

| Published by Marvel

Immortal Hulk #2 I’d probably argue is even better than the first issue. While that feel of the lonesome wanderer that’s reminiscent of the television series and the Marvel Knights run from Bruce Jones is still present here, of a Bruce Banner terrified of the Hulk, the story here twinges a different flavour, Len Wein and Bernie Wrighton’s Swamp Thing. This issue taps into that feel of the reticent monster, hunting down things that are even worse. This is a great standalone tale from Al Ewing, Joe Bennett, Ruy José, and Paul Mounts.

| Published by Marvel

Incognegro: Renaissance #5 concludes this wonderful series, working out the final details leading up to Xavier’s murder. Like the original Incognegro graphic novel, Mat Johnson and Warren Pleece have crafted a wonderful mystery that weaves into it some very important, very interesting history and sociological themes. I’m hoping that there will be more.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Infinity Countdown: Champions #2 makes some big changes, huge developments really, that make this issue absolutely necessary if you’re a regular Champions reader. Jim Zub, Emilio Laiso, and Andy Troy conclude this tale on a bittersweet note, including an epic confrontation between the team and Warbringer.

| Published by Marvel

Joe Hill’s The Cape: Fallen #1 reunites the team who adapted Joe Hill’s short story the first time around, Jason Ciaramella, Zach Howard, and Nelson Daniel, for a new mini set between the panels of the original story. While reading the original certainly informs this, I feel like you can still enjoy this new mini so far on its own merits.

| Published by IDW

The Last Siege #2 brings us round to gathering the pieces for the conflict between this last bastion against an upstart king, as well as the ramifications of capture and exile of Sir Feist. Like the first issue, the art from Justin Greenwood and Eric Jones is perfect.

| Published by Image

Medieval Spawn & Witchblade #3 incrementally advances us forward, giving us a fight between Spawn and one of the Queen’s minions and delivering a bit of exposition on the Witchblade’s legacy. I’m not sure if it’s in Brian Haberlin’s originals, since it kind of looks like he’s using digital models, or ultimately completely Geirrod van Dyke’s work, but the rendering on Spawn and Scourge’s armours looks incredible.

| Published by Image

Paradiso #5 returns with some incredible world-building as we learn more about the religion of the world as it is now and of some of the history and landmarks throughout the city. Everything about this series is amazing, with Ram V, Devmalya Pramanik, Alba Cardona Gil, and Aditya Bidikar, creating something very unique here.

| Published by Image

The Quantum Age #1 begins a new ongoing series in the Black Hammer empire, with Jeff Lemire riffing on the Legion of Super-Heroes, and Wilfredo Torres and Dave Stewart providing some beautiful artwork. I’ve loved what Lemire and his artistic collaborators in Dean Ormston, David Rubín, Max Fiumara, and Stewart have done previously, deftly working through the various different eras of comicdom (mainly with analogues to DC stuff), while still telling engaging surface level stories. This looks to be no different, although featuring a future gone wrong rather than the optimism of the usual LoSH stories.

| Published by Dark Horse

Submerged #1 is an enthralling first issue, with Vita Ayala, Lisa Sterle, and Stelladia capturing an almost perfect balance of magical realism, juggling between the fantasy and horror of the descent into the underworld and the mundane of Elysia’s family life.

| Published by Vault

Thief of Thieves #38 comes a little more than a year and a half after the last issue, with a transition from Andy Diggle to Brett Lewis on writing duties for this final arc. There’s a decided stylistic shift, from all out action to Lewis’ epistolary narration, but with Shawn Martinbrough’s art it still feels like a continuation of the overall story. It does a decent job recapping what happened previously in story through a flashback of Conrad’s last moments, but even as someone who’s read the rest of the series, I feel like I need to go back and re-read them again for full impact.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Transformers: Lost Light #19 adds a step away from zombie robots to the mix as the series races towards the end. There are a lot of moving parts coming together in James Roberts’ script, plot threads and characters converging from years of storytelling, and the payoff is pretty epic. It’s also really nice to see a return of IDW’s original Transformers artist, EJ Su. It seems fitting as everything starts coming to an end to return to the beginning.

| Published by IDW

Unnatural #1 begins republishing in English Mirka Andolfo’s Contro Natura, which was originally published by Panini in Italian. It’s definitely different for North American markets, but I welcome more translations and more funny animal books. Especially ones as good as Andolfo delivers here. The art is phenomenal and the story, putting forth a society that is oppressive in its reproductive rights, making taboo any number of unions that don’t follow conception, is a much needed one.

| Published by Image

Weapon X #20 continues this transition into a new incarnation of the team. It’s not as hard a break into the new as the solicitations and some of the ads would have you believe, continuing on the story of Omega Red and the Russian mutant death camps, but it’s working towards setting up a new status quo under Sabretooth’s lead. The humour and action from Greg Pak and Fred van Lente is still present, but they’re joined here by Ricardo López Ortiz, just recently having finished an arc on Hit-Girl, who brings a decidedly different verve to the story.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Ask for Mercy #2, Assassinistas #6, Cloak & Dagger #2, Dungeons & Dragons: Evil at Baldur’s Gate #2, Elephantmen: The Death of Shorty #2, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark #1, Ghostbusters: Crossing Over #4, Go Go Power Rangers #11, Hillbilly #11, Jazz Maynard #12, Jeepers Creepers #3, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #1, Jimmy’s Bastards #9, Judge Dredd: Under Siege #2, Lowlifes #1, The October Faction: Supernatural Dreams #5, Paper Girls #22, Prism Stalker #5, Pumpkinhead #5, Red Sonja/Tarzan #3, Ruin of Thieves #3, Spawn #287, Spider-Man vs. Deadpool #35, Spidey: School’s Out #3, Star Trek: Discovery - Succession #3, Star Wars #50, Star Wars: The Last Jedi #4, Throwaways #14, Transformers: Bumblebee #1, Vagrant Queen #2, Xerxes #4

Recommended Collections: Animosity - Volume 3: The Swarm, Betty & Veronica: Vixens - Volume 1, Doctor Strange: Damnation, Fear Agent - Volume 2, James Bond - Volume 2: Eidolon, Quantum & Woody! - Volume 1: Kiss Kiss Klang Klang, Rogue & Gambit: Ring of Fire, Scales & Scoundrels - Volume 2: Treasurehearts, Skin & Earth, Sleepless - Volume 1, Spider-Man - Volume 4, Transformers: Wreckers Saga, Witchblade - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy often feels like a stranger in a strange land

[winterwolvesandstarbucks]

Every counter-play of defense that was encrypted within the breached algorithm had surgically imploded when Natasha unleashed the parasitic files-records of HYDRA operatives viper nests to global security networks; she was a rogue SHIELD operative that needed to go off-grid-to become an undetected apparition within the shadow-zones. She needed to claim a new charade of utilized identity-relevance away from the exposed crosshairs of Interpol, purchasing a synthetic relevance was a practiced device of survival.

Standing under the amber glow of a dock light, rigidly Natasha gripped onto the strap of a backpack, fixing her grayish-teal irises unwaveringly on a cargo ship."Well, that's convenient," she quipped, huskily, crouching low on her denim-clad haunches as dockyard patrol sentry neared her obscured proximity. Doing a gypsy-run was the only way to reach a harbor point in Prague-stock up on arsenals of passports and food rations while traveling back to the Ukraine city of Chernihiv.

Keeping herself poised with balletic-hone agility behind a rusted oil barrel, attentively, on instinctive reaction, Natasha keenly registered whimpering yelps in unison that puppishly resonating within an intact whiskey crate- definitely rejected stray pups. Throw-away orphans that starvingly calling out for their mother. Easing her leather gloved hand over the ratty blanket-sheathed crate with a tentative flex, she delivered a pacifying caress over the distressed bundle. " Easy little furballs, I'm just going to peak..."

She felt a brush of air blow up her neck. It was all the warning sign she needed to know to react in the face of a hostile encounter. But as she swerved to draw her Glock, something rock-hard slammed against her and sent her spiraling backwards on the balls of her feet. The crushing pain she felt in her right side was ignored as she surrendered her body to its natural instincts. Years of training as a ballerina gave her the grace and skill to use her own momentum to roll and back-flip onto her feet. Her teal eyes were hard and alert but they soon widened in muted shock once she realized who her assailant was.

"Derzhis' ot nikh podal'she (Stay away from them)." A harsh familiar baritone threatened with a look of pure unadulterated rage that beckoned to be unleashed. Steel-blue eyes glistened in the midday sun beneath a grungy black-hoodie, framed by wolfish locks. The whirring of a mechanical limb pierced through the tension as her attacker stood his ground and drew his knife. "YA znayu kto ty (I know who you are)." The Winter Soldier said. The woman he fought on the bridge, who escaped his gun. Perhaps more than any other he'd come across. He glanced at the whining pups in the box, feeling apprehensive.

Damnit...It was a blood-rushing mantra that was careening through her adrenalized veins, intimidatingly aware of the menacing prowess of his sashayed advances, a mechanized precision that hypnotically induced an electrified tenor of unwarranted dread in his marked prey. Brandishing deceptive readiness, Natasha dragged her boots to blindingly mirror the arcing-murderous precision of his combat knife that slashed a breadth over her shoulder, lithely Natasha angled her curvaceous form against oil drum at the breathless second his bionic arm explosively delivered a haymaker sweep with bestial-propelling momentum; his metallic fist cannoned sledgehammering force through dented steel with unhinged rabidness, grungily drenching her copper-auburn tresses with sludgy oil. "James..." she urged out, in terse pitch, chiding herself for not being armed with EMP taser disk."It's Natalia...I know you pulled Steve Rogers out of the river, you saved him, didn't you?

"Shut up!" He yelled. Her words registered but he willed himself to ignore them, telling himself this was some sort of trap and that soon she would be leading her comrades to him. They would imprison or kill him...and take away his precious litter. That thought burned him and he was consumed by the overwhelming need to protect what was more important to him than anything. He continued his relentless assault. Like a bull seeking to ram his prey, he charged and attempted to ram her against a box of shipping containers. She was graceful like a swan and leaped over him. Her legs wrapped around his head. A maneuver he was familiar with. He threw his weight back, causing both of them to topple over boxes and land hard on their sides. He didn't miss a beat over the fall and swung his fist towards her. She narrowly evaded him, causing his hand to puncture a crate. "You will not take me. You won't take them!"

Gripping onto a hinged variance of restraint, blurringly in a feverish rush, Natasha yanked the material of his threadbare hoodie chestnut wolfish tresses disheveledly curtained his stubbled jaw, her feverish cheeks as he gnashed his teeth against a throated snarl, ferally revealing a mutative length of canine incisors that alarmingly jutted undercurve his bloodied shapely-wide lips—a morphic possession that he couldn't stave down. A concussive strobe of white-heat bleared her vision, straining against a choke of breath, haphazardly, Natasha gazed back at the precious crate-he was viscerally attached to the distressed baby pups inside."Okay, that's interesting," she murmured, raspily, cobra-striking her lithe hand up to effectively seize his cybertronic arm-the rigged gravity of mercy was on a knife-edge. "What did Pierce do to you...?"

"What he did?!" He spat, feeling the aching pierce in his jaws that told him his canines were near to puncturing his gums and lips. He flicked his knife between his digits and made a charging upward swipe, managing to cut into her jacket, causing her to yell and attack with her own series of judo kicks. "Everything!" He cried. He had been unmade so many times over. His humanity and memories stripped from him. So much he didn't know, but that much to him was clear. He had no name. No family. No friends. All he had were the three pups crying out to him to come protect them. "Hydra took my identity, my freedom...my humanity!" He landed a punch across her stomach, causing her to gasp. She responded by swiping his legs out from under him, causing him to crash on his back, losing his knife. "Now you want to stop my mission...to protect my mission." Those pups were his only mission now, and he would not lose them.

Attuned to driving thrust of his robotic momentum arced to immobilize her into a destabilizing choke-hold in aggressive fruition as he remained locked into submission, with viperish speed, Natasha drove a hammer-strike precision of side kidney punch into tauten flesh his V-braced pelvis; a guttural roar achingly deafened out him as Natasha bodily staddled the athletic sleekness of her denim-clad thighs fluidly over bulkier-ridges of graven muscle chubbily bracketing a stockier heaviness of his garbed abdomen-a definite flex of protrusive strain bloatedly conveyed rampant-contractive urgency.

Against sweltry dampness of his unkempt tresses, his razored steel-aquamarine irises nakedly floored knifing heat that melded with stuporous desperation as he rackingly glanced down at the crate. "I'm guessing what's snug in here belongs to you?" she deduced in huskier pitch, ruefully, hearing the distressed volumes of hunger beckoningly amplify-the underground extensions of HYDRA's butcherous industry was fueled by an unslaked-infectious tantamount of spawning new breeds of compliance.

The vitality of resistance was amputated by sadistic methods of -psychological mania: electronic-convulsive tortures of being strapped into a mortified dentist chair while agonized-limbic- pulses forced memories into a catatonic drift. The Winter Soldier was a reactivated-brutish instrument of termination-a muzzled beast machine condemningly leashed under the merciless grip of his handlers. The scars of the Odessa bullet etched in her alabaster flesh was branded reckoning that she needed to evict, he pulled Steve out of the Platonic River with a measure of soldiery valiance. Maybe he was worth a chance of redemption. With an errant visage of trust, Natasha gestured her hand lithely towards his litter-babies. "Answer me this, are they your...sem'ya(Family)?"

Winter Soldier had not often been at the mercy of those he fought in the field. The brutal harsh training in the dregs of Russia had instilled in him an endurance that could only be beaten into a wild dog. His comrades that were on ice had been just as equally efficient as him, but they all lacked the experience and metal appendage that made him such a dangerous assassin. But now if they could see him, at the mercy of a Widow straddling his waist with his mission in jeopardy of undoing him. He was compromised-tampered with ever since Pierce had decided to turn him into an experiment for breeding hybrid super-soldiers.

"Yes. They are mine…" He finally admitted to the Widow's cool facade. Her teal eyes were hypnotic and spell-binding that he knew then just how dangerous it was for her to weave webs of seduction with them. He shifted his gaze uncomfortably, feeling a solemn absence from within as his thoughts carried him back to a night in Bavaria he had not forgotten. To an elusive feline that had stolen the other half of his heart and fled into obscurity. "They are all that's left of the man I was. They're apart of me...They need me." He grimaced and groaned at the twisting of his abdomen, feeling and dreading the sensation of his belly swelling. He needed them just as bad.

Keeping the delicate contours of her vixenishly sirenic features nonplussed, Natasha felt a neasous rush of heat mounting in his veins; a sloshing pulse of his swelled abdomen grew bloatedly tenser. Luckily they were in a backlit dead zone-the dockyard wasn't located in the grid of surveillance; General Thunderbolt Ross wouldn't be mobilizing a dispatched strike team without a breach from the video feeds. Dragging out a terse breath, Natasha shifted her collective gaze at the darkened warehouse-a disused stockpile of shipping parts-that would serve has their inventive advantage. "Okay..." she coolly murmured, easing herself off lycan Siberian assassin's bulkier form, as their shadowed gazes heatedly clashed with the stark rawness of clamorous urgency."Ready to play hide-seek, mal'chik-volk (wolf boy)?"

His confusion lasted a mere moment before he watched Widow turn and walk towards the darkened warehouse. Was this a ruse of some kind? He wondered if he should take his pups and flee while there was time. But that wasn't an option. The shipping vessel was their only way out of the country and he couldn't afford to miss that departure. Hesitantly he climbs to his feet and follows her into the warehouse, but not before bringing the box with him. He cradled it gently against his waist, murmuring sweet-nothings in Russian to soothe the fussy little furballs inside who were squirming with thirst. The warehouse was dim but the lights shining through the high-rise windows was enough to see their surroundings.

The Widow, Natalia stood facing him, watching him closely as he set his box aside and used his flesh covered digits to rub comforting circles into his baby pups. "Why are you here? How did you find me?" He asked her, unwilling to beat around the bush.

There was no ingenuous answer-the algorithmic program Insight had cripplingly demolished her practical safeguards-profitable information of SHEILD's hardware was being trafficked to the highest bidder with fixed interest. The coolness of her sterling arrow pendant was a token-a promise to keep her best friend-Clint-out of the inevitable crossfire with rogue SHIELD agents."Circumstances have shifted..." she murmured against gritted breath, watching his bionic hand splay a chaste graze of virile- tactile heat affectionately over the infant furry pudge-balls in soothing accord -a gracing touch of protective reverence. "...and now I'm looking over my shoulder just like you..."

"Like me?" The Soldier nearly scoffed at that. What little he knew about the Widow did not exclude the fact she was a renown hero with powerful friends backing her even with the collapse of SHIELD. He was an infamous myth made real and every government around the world would be after him once the details of his crimes were made clearer. He had no friends, no one to rely upon to see him through this. "You know too little about me. But I know you...Natalia." The name-that name. It resurfaced some memories he didn't know he still had, and made him realize where he had seen her before. "You were trained to kill your enemies. If there is anyone who you had cause to take revenge, it would be me. ...Why haven't you?"

He was one of the men who trained her in the Red Room until his handler Karpov put him back on ice. Severing the bond they were forging as mentor and student. He taught her to never hesitate when her target was in sights. How much had she changed? He put two bullets into her over their many encounters. Anyone else would have taken retribution.

Every pulse of traitorous resistance was contrasted against the crimson silhouettes of the Widow operative ranks; every orphaned ballerina-little swan- was surgically weaponized to tragically mature into combative-lethal sirens of incarnate bloodlines. The mansion estate fringed with black pines of Novgorod, Russia was a gladiatorial arena conducted by a power-mongering Lubyanka general- Vasily Karpov- who brutishly exposed verminous -defective weaknesses in his elite ranks, deadening echoes of mercy with paralytic shunts of nitrogen-solidifying bones into unbreakable granite. 'My nikogda ne lomayemsya (We never break)'...'

Little Natalia Romanova was discarded like an ineffective stray-betrayed by her adoptive father Ivan Petrovich when he traded her virginal innocence to demonic watchdogs of the Red Room; they butchered her to dance to the symphonic-dynamical cadence of a venomous seduction-a- morbid concerto of Tchaikovsky's swan lake-programmed sterilization. Those balletic-harmonic rigors of elegant graces weren't for staged performances at the Bolshoi. She was trying to purge out the demons that marked her 'red' ledger; all evidence of her blood-soaked -unforgivable past was digitalized to public viewing because of that shyster Alexander Pierce -she was now a rogue deviant, cut off the deceitful threads.

With her Glock holstered against the tone-suppleness of her back, Natasha understood the grounds of phantom trust always wavered, the grip of tension was rigged on high-voltage, she wouldn't disarm her resolve; on the snowy mountain ridges of Odessa. She betrayed her on instinctive-mechanical vigilance when she received the 'greenlight' protocol to escort a high-priority target for SHEILD's interest-a HYDRA convoy obstructed that mission-hailstorm staccatos of lethal-surgical precision delivered a gut-shot throb of white-heat in her lower abdomen-a paralyzing apparition of point-blank mercy for her to bleed out. 'Ty poshchadil, malen'kiy pauk ...(You're spared, little spider)'

"I know when the pull back the trigger," Natasha murmured in a thready pitch, a subtle quirk played over her voluminous lips as she fixedly gazed at the fussy baby pups. "Now I'm trying to keep a very effective promise that I can do the right thing..."

He didn't question for details. Not when the swelling in his stomach had become a gut-piercing discomfort that made him noticeably grimace. He couldn't put off the irrepressible need that came with his new form. "I have to…I have to…" He arched forward and held his stomach, stifling the groan of pain but unable to mask the rumbling bellow of his stomach to his curious observer. "I have to get out of America. Take them far from here…" The last bit of his resistance towards the Widow had evaporated and now he was looking at her with beseeching eyes, begging for aid he could not expect her to give. "I thought I could do this alone, but-" And then he tumbled forward, dropping onto all fours as he felt his skin crawl with something feral underneath ready to break free.

Bracing his atrophied weight into a planking stance over cement against penetrative-deadened traction possessing his virile-enhanced resilience, vertiginously underneath his tactical fatigues, the tautened-corded sleekness of his muscled-heavier thighs bulkily flexed with athletic torque as he became paralyzingly grappled into drags of a morphic fringe. Angling his head down shaggily his wolfish tresses hung grungily askew over his temples as his sensuous-bow lips widened agape; jutted extension of his incisor fangs curved with a predatory edge. In that breathless-alarmed wake of rampant confusion, as she painstakingly reeled back in conscious footing near a garage door, Natasha owlishly gazed at the pointed curves of his ears furrily sharpening into outstretched-bestial length as his throaty pants became gutturally coupled with quivery-ragged breaths."Vernis' (Get back)..." he choked out in Russian timbre, slurringly, tucked his cybernetic arm over the ballooning rotundity of his pudgier mid-drift-he was gruelingly plumping up as the whimpering cries of the baby pups grew heart-breakingly distressed. "Please you gotta...Arghh..."

His words had transitioned into a guttural growl that was animalistic-inhuman. The walls seemed to echo and shake in the midst of the intense spectacle that had Natasha watching with incredulity. She wasn't scared, not after witnessing such things as the Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk. But she was stunned by this unexpected variable that introduced itself with the Winter Soldier. His body began to shift and change before her very eyes. Bulking muscles of human athleticism were now covered with patches of growing fur that spread across his body like wildfire. His appendages bent and twisted, causing a sickening snap to be heard and a howl to escape his lips.

No longer bipedal but quadrupedal in his posture that resembled a wild animal. His steel blue eyes opened, and shimmered like a silvery moon in the darkness. His bared canines extended likes blades being unsheathed from their scabbards, glistening with drool. Moments passed and James Bucky Barnes-The Winter Soldier-was gone before her eyes. All that remained as an overgrown Siberian wolf laying exhausted on his side-spent of energy.

As her tactical instincts hastily steered her towards a garage door in urgent succession, Natasha haphazardly reached for a power control box, hammering her fist with bruising momentum into a button that automatically lowered the metal door. The nauseous of the rank of milk fluid wafted smellily off the taut swollenness chestnut-furred alpha's bloated girth. Rearing his canine off exhaustingly off a heap of his torn sweater, readily James shifted a massive hind paw, exposing his underbelly as one of the sightless baby pups raised her tinier head against the crate's edge, adorably whimpering for her-Daddy in squeaky pitch. "Do you trust me enough to bring them to you..." she urged, convincingly, feverous tension between them was skyrocketing to overdrive-propelling her into a chimeric throe."We both know how this plays out, right?"

"N-Need help…" Was all he managed to whine out. He didn't know if she could understand him in this form. His exhaustion prevented him from being more expressive in his speech and he was reduced to a weakened mess while his baby-pups cried out for him. His sight was blurry, but he could make out the distinguishable shape of Natalia standing close to him-close to his babies. His fight with her had taken what remained of his strength to endure the transformation, and now he had no choice but to trust her help that she now offered.

"B-Bring them…" He whined. His tongue hung loosely from his opened jaw, and the rise and fall of his belly felt like a crushing weight being pressed against him with each breath he took. He needed to release and nourish his off-spring.

The unwarranted barrage of detonative urgency was fused like a powder-keg, scrunching her nose against the vomitous reek glozing out of him, tactilely with evident swiftness of her cautious delicacy, Natasha vigilantly crouched a breadth near the crate with tentative ease, the smokiness of her grayish-teal irises roved over the dozy bundle of pudgy infant wolf pups fussily nestled over tactical kevlar of the Winter Soldier's jacket. The infant pups were heart-arrestingly precious within the cushioned snugness of their box; enchantingly adorned with cindery-chestnut downy fur as their clawed-paws furrily twitched on the blinded accord. "Well, that's kinda cute-" she quipped, jauntily under breath; driven by viscerous tenor of gentleness, she reached down to cradle a pup while kneading a featherlight caress of her gloved fingers over a shivering girl pup as her tinier snubbed muzzle nudged her palm. "It's okay malen'kaya milaya (little sweetheart), your safe with me..."

As the transformed soldier listened to Romanova's voice soothe his infant, he felt whatever lingering apprehension he still felt over this situation begin to fade. His weary eyes watched as she brought the youngest of his litter, Madison, over to him, with a gentleness he never would have expected from hands so used to wielding the cold grip of a pistol. Then again, he was not one to judge, given his own bloody history. "Spasibo (Thank you)." He rumbled to her as she set Madison down next to his swollen belly. Almost instantly he felt the gentle nipping and tugging that was uncomfortable at first but almost immediately, it paved the way for relief.

"The others, bring them too," he urged. His infant was feeding herself and Natalia didn't miss a beat as she wandered over to the box to retrieve his the eldest of his off-spring-the twins who entered the world at the same time.

Racking distress clashed tremored against her leather-clad arms, the pudgier male thrashed feistily against the voluptuous swell of her breasts, Natasha unerringly angled lithe contours of her forearm, as she cradled the daintier-tremulous female pup as she lowered to the canine alpha's grounded level. The luminous-voltaic sapphire of his irises glacially flashed banking menace as she consciously breached the heavier proximity of his exposed girth, shifting his twin pups against the milk-drench fur where the littlest of his litter suckled down hungrily."So I'm figuring that you've been hiding these furballs since Pierce cut you loose..." she coolly breathed, arching up an eyebrow, as she half-smirked, cannily. "He exchanged their lives for you to stop Rogers from deactivating Project Insight, he tugged on the right thread..."

"He wanted an army. He wanted a better leash to control me at the same time." The mention of Pierce triggered an onrush of anger inside of him. He let it fade away just as soon as it passed through him, knowing his litter could sense were so attuned to him, they could sense any negative energy he would be feeling. He murmured with a groggy tone as she set down both Aurora and Brennen beside Madison. The twins wasted no time and joined their youngest sibling in nourishing themselves. A pinch of pain shot through him by the roughness of his only boy who he reckoned would be a handful as he grew up. Paternal intuition, he believed.

Giving birth to a litter of pups was something he believed next to impossible, but now he began to understand much about it over the past few months since they escaped Hydra surveillance. After pulling the Captain...Steve...from the Potomac River, the Soldier knew Pierce was finished. His only thought was getting back to the safe-house and collecting his pups from the men Pierce had guarding them. They'd been on the run ever since.

"He's gone now. But Hydra is still out there...I went to the museum for answers...That man, Steve...He called me "Bucky"." It felt like a question and not a comment. He looked to Natalia for any hint of recognition. She wore her mask well enough to disguise any answer.

The murmurous croakiness of his gravelly timbre left her warringly reluctant to answer as soul-gripping tension electrified her into an unwarranted deadlock; without breaking her impassive poise, flintily Natasha downcasted a steeled glance her backpack -a reachable vessel of collected secrets that she had attained with decryption-hacking skills of HYDRA's encoded-corrupted database. "Names and faces are pretty much what to expect when you break out of amnesic fringe...They're what you can't push away when you finally wake up..." she whispered, regretfully. "The poster boy-Steve Rogers- who you fought on the Helicarrier wasn't pulling a stunt, he gave up everything to pull you off Pierce's control switch..."

"And I almost killed him…" He felt remorse. It was a surprising feeling that hadn't come to him quite often when he walked on two feet. Remnants of his programming still lingered-the cold indifference to human life. Sentiment. Detachment. He was a machine whose only instinct was to execute and obey. That all began changing when that man-Steve-entered his crosshairs and called him that name that felt so familiar. But Steve had never tried to retaliate except out of self-defense, he never tried to kill him. He wanted to help him.

The Soldier never realized that. But the Wolf was affected-the Wolf felt something humane. Perhaps it had to do with the trio of furballs that touched his stagnant heart in a way he had never experienced before. "Is he looking for me?" He asked Natalia, wincing as he felt Brennen tug harshly after finishing.

"It's complicated," Natasha answered in brusque pitch, back at the Maryland cemetery, she had delivered Steve the classified 'eyes only' Soviet personnel dossier file labeled: NO 17 -James Buchanan Barnes from SHIELD vault records, grainy black-white photos of boyishly handsome GI soldier was clipped over Cyrillic notes handwritten by Armin Zola that contained lab results of a cryogenic experiment—relevant information would come with an infinite-grievous price. That ignited choice of direction would damnably usher a cavalcade reckoning of HYDRA demons-a new threat was always composed in the shadows.

Nonchalantly bracing the curvaceous svelteness of her crouched form, with disarmed precision, Natasha splayed her leather-sheathed palm deftly over velvet-like mahogany fur of the dwarfed female pup who clingily nuzzled her delicate muzzle into the sniper wolf's undercoat, as he tautly scrunched up his long muzzle, raggedly emitting throaty groans another onrush of uncurbed hunger as the chubbiest of the litter-the male- greedily nipped with pinching force over his damp fur."Now with your furry makeover, I'm not sure if you want Rogers to find you...?" she deadpanned, snarkily.

"Its too dangerous to be around me." He visibly deflates as his wolfish ears fall low. It was difficult to mask his emotions in this form that was more visceral than his human body. It was like being attuned to nature itself and nature never holds back. "I'll have the biggest target on my back. Unless I can disappear, I'll always be looking over my shoulder." It wasn't the life he wanted for himself-for his children who were born into this world to be used as tools-as weapons. Even if Hydra were on the run, it didn't mean others wouldn't be interested in the fruits of their labor. The thought made him both frightened and angry.

"Vse budet khorosho (Its going to be all right)." He murmured into the downy-scented fur of his off-spring as they curled and snuggled deeper into his warm side to hide themselves. He would kill anyone and anything that tried to take them from him. He could feel the Widow's eyes on him and met her stare evenly. "I know I have wronged you, Natalia. ...But I need your help."

For a tactive moment of unstinted attachment-sentiment- Natasha riskily graced her palm over his silvered frontal paw, accepting the call of her unexpected mission. The arcane networks of surveillance grids had marked the Black Widow down as a relevant target of interest—the dockyards would be compromised by sanctioned orders of dispatched STRIKE team. Harnessing up steeled poise, guardedly Natasha recognized his teeming urgency-the starkness of visceral need felt calibrated; rampantly she gazed into his grayish-aquamarine irises that mesmerically slivered alight with lucent intensity-whitish sapphire melding into bestial heat. She was undeviatingly aware of the resurgence of invincible -soldiery valiance-Brooklyn spirit- that clamorously rode through his bulkier canine form.

"I'm not someone to trust on the sidelines,mal'chik-volk (wolf boy), but your little furballs are hard to pass off...she murmured in throatier pitch, raspily, the smokiness of her teal depths fixed a trenchant cast over the enchantingly adorable baby pups cozily wedged against the jutted length of his girth-they weren't disposable-trade-off- leverage in the mordacious HYDRA crosshairs, they deserved a chance to embrace daybreak. Conveying a semblance of vestigial trust, she half-quirked the plushier swell of her voluminous lips into a coquettish smirk, blithely."So I guess this means you're bunking with me...?"

An hour later, the container freight bound for a key-port in France began to ferry its way out from the harbor with all 300 passengers and crew docked. If any of the passengers or crew were suspicious about how a radiant young woman, traveling alone, managed to get approval to bring on a caged Siberian wolf, none of them showed it. The few that did notice the peculiar scene were immediately apprehensive with the thought of traveling with a wild predator onboard. Together Natasha and Bucky stood near the guard-rail on the stern side of the ship as the departure horn rang out. They watched as the Washington harbor shrank further and further away from them. They had left behind one battle-field and were on their way to the next.

Cascading tonnage of goliathan waves deafeningly barraged against the cargo ship's hull, within the isolated ambiance of a bunking cabin, braced against a rickey-framed mattress, vertiginously in a blearing reaction, Natasha gripped onto a blanket half-draped over the lithe contours of her denim-clad thighs. After boarding the outbound freighter, with a practicable charade of sire-like persuasion-didn't require a combative shuffle of acrobatic-honed graces that she balletically performed in the engine room ofthe HYDRA-compromised Lemurian Star, Natasha was voluntarily given the moderate excess to utilize a storage cabin as her voyaging refuge.

Quashing down a flintier chagrin of existing like a stowaway fugitive without harboring a lank slate contingency, Natasha vexedly evicted the hinged impulse to contact Agent Clint Barton by the ship's radio transmission-to station a rendezvous point of location in Prague; knowing that after she condemningly breached the uplinked encrypted files-his retired identity was jeopardized; how many conditioned-genetically enhanced Sleeper Agents under Vasily Karpov's cold-blooded ranks were now activated on civilian ground. She had no more cards to deck out.

After squeezing her damp-tousled copper tresses knottily with a towel, Natasha had stealthily gathered vending-machine packets of Doritos, bottles of water and peanut butter-infused Nature Valley bars—enough to sustain a bulked-out nursing wolf's unquenchable-vexatious appetite.

Inadvertently sitting on the floor of the cabin, through her mechanisms of distrust, Natasha listened to whimpery -babyish squeaks emitting crankily from the sightless pups, Natasha fixed all her attentive focus on the babies cushily nestled against the slumbering PSTD chestnut-furred sniper wolf's bushy tail while he was slackly laden on his side- groggily captive in deep-seat thralls of unstaunched exhaustion. James Barnes was no longer anesthetized to the deadened frequency of infectious static that devastatingly pulsed from the soul-razing tentacles of HYDRA.

Removing a package of Doritos out of her backpack stash, Natasha effectively popped the bag open as the powder-cheesy aroma potently sailed through the dense air, evoking her furred bunkmate-HYDRA's mechanized ghost operative- to noncommittally release a throaty gnarl as he muzzily shifted his deadweight over a makeshift nest of cloth tarps, viscerally aware of his baby pups dozily nestled against his swelled girth."Well, you must be hungry, given how much the little pudge-balls pack in, huh?" she coaxed out, huskily in a snarkier undertone, holding up a chip with tantalizing ease."Nothing fancy, since we don't have that luxury on this free-pass cruise..."

The wafting aroma of the tasty snack almost had the wolf drooling with an unabashed hunger that had been steadily growing for hours since their voyage had begun. To ignore the tell-tale pinching of discomfort, Bucky...He now thought of himself as Bucky-it felt right to for some reason. To ignore his hunger, he had gotten some much-needed rest to regenerate his strength. He had been on the run for weeks with his infant furballs, rarely sleeping, rarely eating. There was also the fight he had endured with Natalia at the docks which only served to heighten his already ravenous state of need. He sniffed and growled lowly as he took in the sight of the triangle-shaped chip that dangled in front of him.

"I've gotten by with far-less." He raises his snout and plucks the cheesy chip into his mouth, savoring the vivid taste that left only hungry for more. He didn't ask. He was far too set in wish to not be an inconvenience to his unlikely companion who helped him board this freighter. But it appeared Natalia had other ideas as she promptly dumped the rest of the bag of chips onto surface in front of him. "You're being too generous with me, Natalia. ...Thank you." He spent the next few minutes finishing off the cheesy chips that softened the hunger in his gut. She said nothing the entire time as she lounged back in deep thought, her only movements being the periodic bites she took from her nutrition bar.

The only sounds he could hear where the distant roars of the tides and the chattering of crew members and passengers moving outside their cabin. Their cabin for the most part was spacious enough for only one person with a single cot, chair and night-stand. But it was also big enough for someone to allow their pet to stay in as well. How convenient for him, despite having to sleep on the thin carpet on the floor. He wasn't about to complain, he really did have to survive with far-less in the past.

"How long do you think this trip will be?" He finally asked her once the silence began to become awkward-at least for him.

With an inscrutable flit of her grayish-teal irises, Natasha was underlyingly aware of the predatory heat radiating off the ensorcelled assassin-the Winter Soldier's beastlier hard-edged muscles—a revamped ferocity that wouldn't be contained in the morphic dregs of bestial fusion. Ghostlily echoes of their unforgiving past throbbingly raked over the bullet-scarred flesh of her leather garbed abdomen, like the surgical-driven precision of a Red Room scalpel, irrevocably cutting her deep. 'Ty ne mozhesh' bezhat' vechno, malen'kaya Natal'ya (You can't run forever, little Natalia)...'

Against feigned rapt of tenser vigilance, as she felt the carbon steel of her Glock against her booted calf, Natasha unmovingly became electrified in compromised tenfold, as her palm reactively splayed over her curvaceous side-another grievous callback of her underscored vendettas. She to foster onto a 'no-strings' attached reality-a pave a new road of salvation before 'teammates' close to vest became dead reckonings on her ledger. "If everything holds out we'll be docking at Port de Grenelle in three days...Tops, " she murmured in gritted pitch, offishly, as the baby pups squeaked demandingly in hungered unison.

Coolly she quirked up an eyebrow, registering the hefty sniper wolf's disgruntled moan, his canine muzzle stretched grimacingly wide against feverish panting of shuddery breaths, as heavier-intensified barrages of milk- sloshing contractions; nothing availed to his effusive resistance. "Hold on," she urged, placidly, watching his furred brow aggressively pinch while she clutched a frayed edge of a blanket to drape over his jutted underbelly-he needed a grounded semblance of privacy. The frosted aquamarine of his depths stormily lanced knife-point intensity, contrasting against his slitted pupils-he was in protective-mode, defensively aware of the vulnerability of his pups-also the convenient security of Natasha's untampered proximity. "Don't get used to my charitable tactics," she retorted, pointedly. "I'm only playing nice because of your cute furballs..."

The mention of his pups brought about a warm feeling within the Siberian wolf whose life had changed drastically over the past several months. Life as a Hydra instrument of death was no life at all. It was empty and cold, giving him no cause to think and feel anything beyond the orders he was given and the pain of injuries he would endure. But then Pierce decided to play god. To try and create something fierce and undeniably vicious to give Hydra an advantage over the super-powered heroes that were emerging in the world. Through his blood and genetics, three wolfish off-springs were born.

The moment they entered the world, something inside of the Soldier had shifted-the the manacles that bound him to Hydra's will had shattered irrevocably as his eyes first set sight on the three impossibly small life-forms that were birthed from his wolfish body. He had become not a 'soldat', but 'otets'-a father.

"I think they like you." He said after a moment of deep thought. It would have seen like a polite compliment just for the sake of levity, but it didn't occur to him until now just how much at ease his pups were around the redhead Avenger. Over the past few weeks, they trembled in their boxed-bed he kept them while around strangers. It was only his presence that soothed them. But around Natasha, they were calm-relaxed. It made him develop a new appreciation for his old-time student and former rival.

The feathering drift of her lithe fingers over satiny-velvet fur hushedly captured that instinctive awareness in that addictive breach of connective heat with the smallest of his restless litter; a wonderous fusion that she couldn't ride out. The ephemeral—chaste pressure irrevocably fused a soul-branding revelation—the murderously deceptive siren-the Black Widow conceived out of the Red Room stowed a heartbeat underneath hardcore layers granite.

Drags of unredeemable memories screechingly crescendoed a hellish volume of a damning pandemonium—innocent ghosts of orphans that morphed into banshees-a ghoulish requiem of symphonic-macabre vengeance. Blood always had a price. "I'm not good with kids..." she admitted, harshly in a condemning breath, wrenching her hand back from the squeaking pup as if her caress was poisonous. "If you peek at my file, you'll see a video link that SHIELD buried..." A straining tightness flexed evidently over her delicate jaw. "I guess it wasn't deep enough..."

"We both have a dark past. I am not one to judge." He uttered. There was much about his former life as James Bucky Barnes that he didn't remember. But the screams of death he invoked haunted his dreams like wailing ghosts. He remembered every life he took, innocent and guilty. It took insurmountable strength for him to not succumb to his guilt that begged him to sink into self-destruction. He held on. The three pups, two who were now curled beneath him, gave him newfound life and purpose. The third of his litter, the youngest had drifted and rolled closer towards the redhead who still looked torn.

"Go on. ...I trust you, Natasha." He urged her to give into her greater inclination to pick up young Madison, and not allow the cold darkness of her past to rob her of a newfound connection.

"You sure about this...?" A tenous raze of warred hesitance electrifyingly deadened her in those rigged seconds of genuine, full-measured trust, the young-exhausted- alpha painstakingly nudged his baby girl with an affectionate variance of cherishing reverence, urging the determined pup to stumblingly wobble closer to her opened reach. A euphonious fringe of hope quenched out the infective blood of her slaughterous-unforgiving past of being a penetration Widow operative-a battle-tested marionette of seductive charades who had her strings broken when Clint Barton's hawk-precision arrow tore into her sterilized reality. He violated his 'green-light' orders -staking down a compromised price with the dynamical exception of friendship-humanity. She had Fury-Steve Rogers, but Clint was always a callback of a heartbeat if she fell too deep.

A feverous rush cravingly answered that beckoning cadence of whisper-soft acceptance he tellingly conveyed with a broader-fanged smirk, readily, Natasha shaped her palm over Madison's daintier-angelic form, adoringly cradling the infant pup against her leather-garb chest with a contrasted tracery of pacifying heat as she angled her forearm, just enough to breathlessly watch tiny canine eyes flit open to squinty reveal decadent brandy irises that heart-stealingly gleamed with rebellious vibrancy -thievish fire. "krasotka( beautiful girl)..." she murmured whisperingly, in Russian timbre, accelerated-joyous- euphoria pulsed infectiously within the cabin, as the baby pup squeaked in melodious pitch, snuggling comfily as she glanced up at the blank-faced amazement tearily alight in her Daddy's cool -unblinking-aqueous depths."Vy lyubimy, malyshka(You are loved, little sweetheart)..."

Bucky's surprise at little Madison finally opening her eyes was matched by the shock he felt as Aurora and Brennen had begun to do just the same. It was subtle at first-a wrinkling of their snouts as their eyelids squinted in their shut-state. "Eto normal'no (Its okay)..." he rumbled while nuzzling their tiny paws and kissing them. A moment passed and then their beady eyes finally opened beneath his tender gaze. A vivid shade of blue, full of youthful innocence and confusion, it was a precious thing he vowed to love and protect. "Hello, little guys. Daddy's been waitin' for you."

Their paws flayed and tapped against his shoulder as if they were being begged to be picked up. It was a tender moment that was unlike any he'd experienced before, and Bucky could not help but grin with delight. His chestnut furred tail wagged and his eyes softened to a dim but lively shade of blue. "Good to see you too."

The boyish drawl of his roughen-timbre croakily breached her passive demeanor, as she delicately cradled little Madison against her leather jacket, Natasha felt neutralized by the dosage of hope-redemption this unabandoned connection-nexus had injected her; nothing flatlined between them. With a cautious flit of her grayish-teal irises, she gazed sidelong at the emotionally-compromised alpha-a Soviet beast machine who agonizingly outlasted HYDRA's traumatic-electrified raids of mind-butchering amnesia. A white-noise of concessive static of Zola's nightmarish-surgical hardware that deadened out his tenacious resistance, mutating cavalcades of his dispatched targets' faces into bloodied apparitions under his sniper-vision-mechanicalized wraith of the Sleeper ranks wasn't damaged goods...He broke out of the kill-switch programming because he was granted a new mission-relevance of daybreak.

"Get some rest..." Natasha urged, instructively, easing down the dozy mahogany-furred pup tentatively against his massive silvered forepaw. "I have a raincheck with a peanut butter sandwich..." A devious smirk naughtily quirked up her plushier crimson lips. "Can't let those fellas' out there be disappointed..."

Bucharest, Romania...

As the nectarous scents wafted off displays of crated fruit that were invitingly stacked in tented vendors; the market-bazaar plaza contrasted functionally against Brâncovenesc environs of 17-century Baroque-Romanesque style that became monolithic landmarks of post-revolution architecture; castellated Saxon cathedrals were gothically ornamented with iron spires-the Byzantine valance of conquered imperialism became a historic entity of brickwork terracotta and marble. It had been a caliginous province of survival, but now maddeningly congested with throngs of stink-faced vacationists that barricaded Romanian merchant stations.

Harnessing the instinctive usage of her tactical caliber, readily Natasha evaded sideswiping bicyclists as she purchased a traditional bakeshop dessert-Gogoși- spongy dough balls that were sugarily infused with cinnamon and vanilla; the only digestible pastry that slaked the nursing sniper-wolf's onerous-uncurbed- appetite. She wouldn't become grappled into the domesticity of cyclic errand-runs; against warred vulnerability, everything felt artificial as if compromised reality would betray her again. She needed to complete the mission of securing an undetectable-off-grid- safe house for the baby pups.

Gripping onto the hefty paper bag of her gathered rations, as her iPhone chimed a reminder text of the next 'feeding time' hour, Natasha shifted the observant periphery of her grayish-teal irises unwaveringly at a newspaper vendor with unfeigned awareness before she vexatiously reached the crosswalk-underground installations of traffickers had tantamount of auctioning trade-off breeds-wolf pups were stacked as highly valuable in the Eastern European industry in the shadow zones. The seedier governmental dynamos of the World Council had the Avengers fixed on their chessboards-every counter- move was rigged. Warranted measures of trust felt compromised-she had to remain unbreakable against the play of adaptable contingency.

Riskily, Natasha paced towards a high-point apartment building where the beastlier Siberian wolf used for a makeshift nursing den."He better not be complaining this time..." she quipped under terse breath, raspily, glancing down at her mobile screen at the blank message box that she labeled-Rogers. The First Avenger—the paragon Adions of liberty was more than an expandable-relevant dance partner that Fury had selected after the galactic invasion of the planet-ravaging Chitauri, Steve became a visceral heartbeat of chaste friendship—someone who had her back when the precision of betrayal shadow-crossed her—she couldn't; go all decent on him. "Everything needs to stay close to vest..."

Within the warm sanctity of the immaculate though quite dull safe-house, a different turmoil was constantly increasing in the face of an agitated predator glaring at a target marked for termination. Four paws ground into the rug of the living room, muscles tensed with burning ire as the fur on his body rose on end with anticipation. His target marked for termination, the high-definition tv that was left on when Natasha had left the apartment. His redheaded companion, in her infinite wisdom, had left the channel on a late-night BBC talk-show, where he had to listen to some irreverent idiot ramble on celebrity gossip and the state of the Avengers who were viewed as both heroes and sensationalized idols.

The one called Steve-the Captain-was a source of admiration and bizarre fawning over countless worldwide who romanticized him and members of his team. The wolf smacked his paw repeatedly on the remote control but lacked the precision to hit those tiny human-sized buttons. "I hate television," he growled as he picked up the remote between his teeth and chucked it at the screen, hoping that would offer some bit of satisfaction.

Controlling the hesitation flex of her lithe fingers that ghosted over the doorknob, edgily Natasha stepped into the darkened ambiance of the slummy apartment, faded sheets of newspapers were grimily taped over windows as a ratty cushioned sofa tactically obstructed a cornered kitchen-every measure of the dank space was enforced to become utilized if unwelcomed company-dispatched HYDRA operatives coordinately breached their undetected proximity.

Catching a potent whiff of milky fluid and drenched blankets stuffily enwreathing the air, reactively Natasha scrunched up her nose against the vomitous stench that went fabric-deep. Knowingly, she fixed her grayish-teal irises on the dismantled remote as batteries rolled on the carpeting-an obvious sign of the beasty wolf's powder-keg vexations. "Nothing good on...?" she teased in brisk pitch, easing down the 'doggie' treat bag on a dresser, gazing at the bulkier-canine shadow imposingly braced against the couch."I'm starting to think you need a better playlist..." She feigned back a telltale grimace as the reeking muskiness of his shaggier fur raunchily penetrated her nose. "Maybe a shower to cool down..."

Natasha's entrance had calmed Bucky's ire if only enough for him to merely snarl at her sassy quips to his clearly annoyed state rather than bark up a storm. "Took you long enough." He grumbled under his breath, grimacing at the lancing shot of discomfort surging throughout his body that made him softly whine. The hunger cramps were growing more constant ever since they had arrived here weeks ago. Natasha had explained to him that as a nursing alpha, he had a bigger appetite that needed to be sated to sustain not only him but his three pups who depended on him. The thought of his litter caused him to shoot a glance at the small box they were kept in at the corner of the room surrounded by blankets. They were sleeping soundly since the afternoon but Bucky knew any minute now they would awaken and be in a fussy-and hungry mood.

The thought made him realize what Natasha had mentioned and he gazed down at the dried milky stains on his fur and could only imagine how badly he reeked right now. "Later." He grumbled as he watched her set her keys down on the nightstand. "Did you get anything?" He asked, feeling his stomach twist again with hunger.

Opening up the paper bag, Natasha brusquely smirked as the cinnamony scent of doughed pastries temptingly elicited the moody Siberian wolf to droolingly jutted out his canine muzzle a breadth from her nonchalant position-he was driven by the accelerated onrush of stuporous hunger. Shifting his chubbier mass on his massive paws, clunkily against feverish grogginess, James paced his intimidating-predatory momentum closer as Natasha coaxingly leveled an open-handed gesture from him to swipe off a Gogoși at the palatable second his whiskered muzzle raptly grazed over her palm. The razored length of his barred incisor fangs consciously poised with knifepoint tension over her exposed wrist; it became a play of blinded trust-any betraying movement of distrust would retrigger unhinged impulses of his bestial viciousness. "Don't get used to these daily snack-runs, next time you're going out..." she addressed against huskier drags of breath, snarkily. "Unless you can't fit through that door, which might likely happen in a few days..."

"Very funny," Bucky grumbled as he wolfishly devoured the succulent treat with ravenous hunger. His tongue lapped up the scattered crumbs, uneager to let a single one go to waste in his increased state of craving. He was ignorant to the fact his tail was wagging in his excited state of bliss until he noticed the amused smirk on his companion's face which prompted him to forcibly calm his exhilaration. "Don't start," he shrugged as he turned and padded his way across the floor towards the make-shift bed he set up for his litter near the couch. The wafting smell of cinnamon and milk was intense as he watched his sleeping litter cuddled close to one another, absorbed in the warmth of each other's proximity and the safety his shadow offered them. An intense of feeling of protectiveness and worry gripped the Siberian wolf as he watched them-feared for them.

"Did anything go wrong out there?" he growled softly in Natasha's direction as she reclined on the couch. The worry of her being followed always weighed on him each time she left the apartment.

"I wasn't multitasking if you want to know, wolf boy..." Natasha quipped trenchantly, as the graveled-timbre of his roughened drawl exhaustingly conveyed tempered -defensive urgency; Natasha was aware of the jacked-up tension suffusing through him as ragged gusts of panty breaths amplified with contractive onslaughts of milk-sloshing throbs. Aggressively, the chestnut-furred alpha gnashed his incisor fangs in distressed accord-hinging down his floored panic-an instinctive extent of visceral protectiveness that he couldn't ride out. In feral tenor as the puppyish squeaks of his dozing baby pups hungrily beckoned for him, growlingly, James steered his whitish-sapphire orbs unwaveringly at the closed door-this was his den-site. "Besides I think you'll be busy tonight to even care..."

"Can't sleep. Something about this city…" His features became pensive in the face of an unexplainable feeling of dread that entered his body the moment they entered this city. Whether it was paranoia gripping his discipline or some precognitive sense that came with the nature of being a wolf, he couldn't say. But one thing Bucky felt certain was that he didn't want to stay here for too long. Hydra might be on the run after the fall of SHIELD that shone a light on the shadow organization and all its puppets that were controlled by it. He and his pups might be safe from the world at large, but there were still those out there who knew the truth about what he had become. "It feels familiar," he finally admitted to the assassin who had waited patiently for him to finish his thought. Padding over towards the couch, he gazed up at her with deep glowing eyes that didn't phase her in the least; something he appreciated.

"Have I been here before?" He wondered aloud. There was so much he couldn't remember. The faded images he saw in his dreams were of a different man-a different life. They didn't reveal the darker aspects of the Soldier and those unfortunate to have crossed his path. The Widow-Natalia-she knew more about him than he did himself.

The enmeshed-conventional weaves of SHIELD's paranoid deception were intricate by the evasive designs that Alexander Pierce two-facedly constructed in the operative STRIKE ranks of penetration espionage: Agent Clay Quartermaine was a jackbooted deviation-a showcasing protege of stern-faced Maria Hill who had been stationed in Romania after decoded encryptions of HYDRA viper nests were marked on governmental surveillance installations. Nothing was protocol.

The infiltration mission-an extension of Project Paperclip was compromised as the dossier file that Clint Barton had stealthily obtained for Fury revealed gruesome-concrete details- an underground division of genetic extremist butchers-A.I.M- had surgically mutated Agent Quartermaine into a monstrous crossbreed of lycan visage-a disposable-tragic asset to gain HYDRA attention of experimental network. An infusion of Gemma radioactivity was detected in the salvaged blood samples-it was a chimerical harbinger of weaponized -sadistic deviance of conceiving meta-humans.

"There was a file with recorded evidence that one of SHIELD's top agents was retired by an untraceable Soviet slug, a clean headshot...No mess for SHIELD's janitors to swipe down ." Natasha murmured in hitching cadence, grimly, flitting her steeled gaze at the amnesic sniper-wolf as he impassively hankered in a low- crouch, evident sway of his bushy tail conveyed stoking aggression-she was definitely wading through uncharted waters. Registering his breathy pants, coolly Natasha tossed another dough ball at his silvered fore-paw with distractive precision as he scowlingly gnashed his incisor fangs with a derisive snarl . "What I know is that Pierce had sanctioned that kill-order behind Fury's back..."

He should've known better than to ask, but every image, every memory fragment that came to his thoughts over the past 70 years was tied to death and destruction. Whatever memories that resurfaced were of a cold, emotionless weapon executing Hydra's will. The realization made the wolf feel despondent that there was perhaps nothing good to have come from his life-time other than the three little napping furballs that came from him. And her… The memory of an elusive kitten stealing away into the night was becoming dimmer like a candle flickering out. "So many are dead because of me-so many lives ruined." He whined as he rested his chin onto the floor, tucked over his paws.

The deceased agent she described wasn't someone he could remember, but the feelings this place evoked was one rooted in horror and tragedy. "Do you believe redemption is possible for those like us?" He was surprised at himself by asking. The Soldier didn't care for sentiment and self-righteousness, but the man who used to be James Barnes yearned for it. "Those trained to kill and execute orders? Or are we to be forever haunted by our crimes-our sins..."

The inevitable question wasn't avoidable-every grip of reality was corrupted as she became a defective-traitorous fugitive of her blood-smeared past; after deactivating the algorithmic safeguards of the Project Insight in front of the megalomanic World Council; Natasha released all decoded ciphers-locations of 'spider holes' that parasitic inheritors of SHIELD tried to clear the board with blank-slate protocols: fallback contingents.

Every untenable-faux- identity conceived in her inventive caliber was exposed to global media networks -the murderous firestorm that she covertly ignited at the Ukraine orphanage-ashes of her unjustifiable errors had marked the Black Widow down like a unrectifiable-vermined insurgent surgically bred out the Red Room. It was a trivial modicum of betrayal against the high-stakes gambit of survival-she was pegged in the red-zone. Maybe this nomadic mission of preservation would resurrect unbridle hope again-she wouldn't punishingly cheat herself out, not where infant-defenseless furballs had infinitely compromised her granite-sheathed heart. 'My postroyeny s boleye strogimi veshchami (We're built with sterner stuff)'

"Well, I think you have a good answer right there, James..." Pointedly, she gestured to the blanket-heaped crate as tinier canine snouts feistily jutted up in whimpering unison; the ensorcelled sniper-wolf against the chagrin of his warred sanity, tentatively clamped a frayed blanket with the jutted length of his incisor fangs, towing the fabric closer towards his restlessly adorable litter as he was inexorably grappled back into nursing-mode. The visceral routine kept Natasha distracted from evading rigged crosshairs of surveillance-cockroach operatives of HYDRA sleeper ranks would soon filter out their off-grid location. She needed to use tactical incarnations of her Widow spycraft -purchase new hardware of her arsenal and healthier rations to sate down Jame's insatiable barrages of appetite. For now, she was grounded near the rumbustious baby pups."Maybe you can be someone else for those milyy (cute) furballs since they can't really tell the difference..."

It was a humbling thought to the wolf as he took a moment to ponder its depth, its meaning. He believed Hydra had taken everything from him-his humanity, his memories. But they had also unintendedly given him the means to nurture something precious. The furry pups that had come from his body, conceived by the passion and genetics of both himself and another that he had loved but was now lost. Fatherhood... A strange term for an assassin who had spent so many years taking life after life, he had never stopped to think what it would be like to nurture one. To raise one. Could he do it? His mission was to protect the pups. But protecting and raising were different. For a brief moment, he contemplated what kind of father he had had, and what he could learn from him.

But he couldn't remember. Not his father, nor mother.

It meant that whatever ounce of goodness he derived from the memories, the soul of James Barnes, he would have to rely upon to see him through this life-changing situation. And for once, he felt welcoming towards it. The wolf glances to his redheaded companion and blows his nostrils, sending her a grateful glance that he hoped was readable to her. "I should feed them now. Thank you...Natasha." He rumbled.

Without a clashing deterrence of unwarranted tension, swiftly, Natasha lowered on her denim-clad hunches in balletic sync as the young alpha wolf readily eased down the chunkier bloatedness of his outstretched girth over a heap of blankets. A neasous strain of bone-deep exhaustion-akin to a deadening paralytic-had nakedly gleamed in his mesmeric grayish-sapphire depths; for an ephemeral moment, James was breathlessly immobilized, fostering onto rapturous cadence of addictive hope-deliverance that ratcheted in tenfold.

Angling his canine muzzle towards the wooden crate, sweatily James prepared for another continuous barrage of insatiable nursing. A subtle grimace rapted over his fanged muzzle became evident to milky treks of glozing fluid soakingly dampening over the jutted rotundity of his furred underbelly as he instinctively measured every ragged breath that coupled into beckoning whimpers-a visceral tenor of coaxing urgency that his snugged baby pups were harmonized to; he was disarmingly surrendering himself to the imperative needs of his precious babies.

"I'll admit this is slightly cuter than last night..." Natasha rasped out, banteringly, reaching inside the crate with a drive of tentative variance as she hefted up the angelic-daintiest of the stirring litter-little Mattie, splaying a feathery trace of her lithe palm over the downy sleekness of mahogany fur in embracing accord; while the pudgier male hellraiser rascally bolstered up his chubby mass against the crate on his hind-paws. Quirkily, Natasha arched up a reddish tinge eyebrow as the passive sniper-wolf unabashedly emitted a throaty groan against the errant surge of their hunger rush. "Slightly..."

"It takes getting used to," Bucky rumbled with a deep gravelly voice. In truth, the day he had learned he sired a trio of pups under the watchful eye of Hydra, he faced the reality with disbelief and denial. It was an unnatural act that men-that soldiers-faced having been transformed and conceiving pups. It took nearly a week before he worked the courage to face his off-spring and give them the loving attention they needed. Ever since then, the act of nursing had become as integral to him as the act of sleeping and eating. He found it somewhat astonishing how quickly he'd grown to trust Natasha as he watched her gently pull his litter out, one-by-one, and gently set them down in front of his round girth.

"The day they can learn to find their own food will be a relief," he joked with feigned resignation as the chubbiest of his litter instinctively rolled over to him and bumped against his belly, causing him to snort before wincing once Brennen found his mark and began to nourish himself. His girls followed and the Siberian wolf sighed as he laid his head down, gazing absently at the window, staring at the pale moon gleaming through the blinds. "It seems so far away, but I'm in no hurry to see them grow up so fast."

Soundlessly he fell asleep under Natasha's watchful caring eyes. That night he dreamed of dewy rainforests and running across rooftops.

As the whitish sconces of morning breached through plastic blinds of the slummy apartment, guardedly Natasha braced her denim-clad thighs against the granite countertop, her copper-auburn tresses gorgeously weaved into of a fishtail braided ponytail that fringed over toned curvatures of her garbed shoulder while she glanced down at her salvaged arsenal of ID cards-passports that she had Agent Maria Hill trustingly conceive while being a stray fugitive. The tourism sectors of Bucharest served as their harbor-point before a smuggling run that she was covertly planning with a Romanian cargo informant of rail -line freight.

It was imperative that she reached Chernihiv within the coming days before Thunderbolt Ross decrypted safeguard contingencies that hypercautious Nick Fury had invented for her, in case she needed to beat the rigged dodge. Nothing could be shut-down on the media networks- the macabre errors of her traitorous-weaponized past had bled out video links of unforgivable imagery-CSI reports- and ledgers of terminated marks-the murderous requiem of the Black Widow.

Keeping herself collectively poised near the stove, Natasha, clutched an iron-handle of a stew pot, that she filled with a carton of milk, as she keenly registered a long-drawn snarl emitting from the exhausted sniper-wolf bloatedly resting on his furred side with his dozy baby pups snuggled fussily against the protrusive swell of his jutted underbelly. He needed to break. "Well, you must've had a rough night..." she addressed quirkily, turning the stove's eroded knob with lowered heat. "Figured you needed backup..."

He was roused from his deep-slumber by the scent of warm milk covering his bed like a blanket. His jaw instinctively opened as he yawned, revealing rows of sharpened white incisors that gleamed in the light of day. His eyes peeled open and blue eyes glazed with fatigue as the world slowly sharpened into focus. When he saw Natasha standing over him with a pot of milk that she proceeded to pour into a bowl, the Siberian wolf released a rumbling noise that caused his furry body to vibrate. The little furballs nestled against him swatted his stomach but were immediately drawn by the alluring scent of milk so close to them. "S'thanks...its gonna take a lot to feed these hungry little destroyers," he joked as he began to nuzzle their heads and gently licked them, soothing their restless hunger. As he pulled himself up onto his paws, he spied the bowl and wondered if his pups were capable of feeding themselves now like this. "Can you give me a hand," he beckoned Natasha.

Feeling that her mechanized reaction needed to be tentative, coolly Natasha eased the bowl down with controlled steadiness as the chubbiest of the wolven litter groggily reared up his tinier muzzle in riotous cadence, detecting the wafting scent of heated milk as he thrashed wobbily to advance over the nest of blankets in an hungered—stubborn rush with no visage of strained effort. With lightning-quick swiftness of his canine muzzle, arrestingly Bucky nudged his rebellious-tubbier pup who ornerily emitted a high-pitch squeak, as he murmured in a growlier Russian timbre. "Ne tak bystro...(Not so fast)'..."

"O, paren' (oh boy)..." Natasha teased out breathlessly, flitting her grayish-teal irises at young Siberian alpha kneading his long muzzle featherily over his baby girls that dwarfed against the pudgier bulkiness of his wolven form, the addictive tracery of his contrasting heat shiveringly delivered a pacifying fervency on a reverent accord, as little Mattie kittenishly nuzzled his shaggier underbelly with ticklish nips. The cool radiance of his silvery aquamarine orbs smokingly melded with predatory heat against the hinged wake of unwarranted trust.

Inadvertently, Natasha warded off the stark urge to evade the wonderous -heart-compromising moment as James became consciously attentive to her unfeigned resistance. She didn't want to become emotionally attached to the squeaky furballs—this wasn't her charitable mission. Glancing on the jars of gooey peanut butter on the countertop with a knowing quirk of her eyebrow, Natasha rasped, jauntily. "I'm guessing you want some breakfast now...?"

A sharp refusal was at the edge of his tongue but Bucky couldn't suppress the churning hunger in his stomach that had been building for several hours now. When was the last time he'd eaten? His focus had been completely turned to his litter of pups who needed constant attention and nourishment since they'd left America and arrived abroad. Sparing a glance at his sated pups, the Siberian wolf released a grumbling noise of approval. "That...would be appreciated." He said, gazing at the tubs of peanut butter longingly and feeling his chops drool with anticipation. He followed Natasha towards the edge of the kitchen island where she opened the jars and began to dig out large clumps of that gooey sweet source of protein and chucked them onto a plate for him. She cleaned the spoon off by putting it in her mouth and placed the plate down in front of him. Bucky wasted no time and dived nose-first, dragging his tongue across the plate greedily as his senses were swarmed with delectable sensations.

Gazing at the young alpha moaningly polishing off the glops of peanut butter, coolly, Natasha gripped onto the spoon with a defensive flexion, her grayish-teal irises unwaveringly fixed on the protrusive bloatedness of his furred girth- a untampered sense of phantom detachment-heartache viscerally coupled with the puppy-like squeaks distressingly emitting from the recalcitrant litter nestled in the cushioned heap of threadbare blankets. Wobbling in straying paces, the chunkier pup-Brennnen-squeakily thrust his tinier muzzle over the empty fold, nipping at the material with his aggressive tugs. "Okay...You don't have to answer this..." Natasha hitched out, whisperingly, as Bucky snarlingly jutted out his incisor fangs, dragging the plate with his canine muzzle-those words had razed out a contractive grip of latent anguish that he stowed.."...but those adorable furballs can feel what you lost..."

Bucky wasn't sure how to respond to that thought. It was a deep harrowing reminder that despite having escaped the dreaded confines of Hydra enslavement with his litter, that some things had been left behind. His pups could sense it perhaps. An absence. A feeling of incompleteness. It had festered since after he had escaped the old Hydra facility they kept disguised as a bank with his litter in hand before the remnants of his oppressors could galvanize a form of control in the chaos. He had charged through and gunned down all the scientists, all the guards responsible for his shock-therapy and caging his children in a cold cell without him to nurture them. When he had entered that cell, expecting to find 4 baby pups cuddled together close, he found only 3. Heartbreak didn't begin to describe what he felt, but somehow it registered with his litter who had been crying out in distress ever since.

"I think they can feel what we've all lost," Bucky responded after a lengthy pause. "It wasn't enough for Hydra to use me, but they used my children to keep me in line. It started with four of them, now there's only three. They miss their brother."

Registering the anguished throatiness of his growlier drawl, with a tentative variance of caution, bracingly Natasha eased down on her denim-clad haunches, gracing her lithe palm tacitly over the distressed little guy's cindery-burnette fur, as he raptly whimpered in a cadence of heart- racking squeaks, burying his tubbier form into the snuggled warmth of blankets. A feverish dampiness tellingly steeped into the material as Bucky downcastedly gazed at his baby pup, doing his utmost to evict the heart-crippling onslaught of enduring a grievous failure. "Well, clearly you need to find the little furball..." Natasha rasped, huskily, gesturing for him to pacify the alarmed pup. "It seems HYDRA always has something to trade when playing..."

[darkfire359]

And here is my excuse to link to some things! (This isn’t at all an organized meta, to be clear, but just a quick reference to some of my recollections of posts and discussions. I can’t actually recall an Izzy+Ed one off the top of my head, but it’s something that I’ve seen come up a lot in my fic writing.)

Mary and Izzy:

Lucius and Izzy:

Pete and Izzy (which spawned my original post):

Jim and Izzy:

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a “Izzy is a foil for X” or “there are massive parallels between Izzy and Y” type post for all of:

- Mary

- Lucius

- Stede

- Ed

- Jim

- Black Pete

I’m not complaining—I’ve written some such posts. And some of this has got to be bias from being in the Izzy-sphere for so long, but I feel like you can’t actually do this for an arbitrary pair of characters and be nearly as successful. It’s a pretty neat property of Izzy.

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x07 Watching Notes

Should probably not have multiple scenarios where I snark out loud and then the very next line of dialogue is that snark but innocently delivered.

Heyooo it’s not our Christmas cliffhanger though!

Expectations: It has literally just occurred to me right now sitting down to type out my expectations that this season's *entire* main plot so far has been "the spawn of satan is cuter than we expected".

I'm still trying to wrangle the idea of how you get hours of Buckleming plot twists and slow exposition out of this, although introducing 18 different angles for them to tackle the problem and returning us to the AU world is a good start to have at least 4 plot threads going and hey I feel like this episode is supposed to be a breather for having too many Jack episodes in a row which makes it even funnier that they're gonna have to deal with the absence of something but who knows maybe he will show up before episode 9. If not they may genuinely be tricked into considering narrative negative space in some form or another, at least by the actual omission of Jack from the episode, despite the fact it has to be about him.

There's like at least 3 individual ways each arc might go terribly, and I'm typing this as pre-yoga thoughts while trying to do my NaNoWriMo and I watched Brooklyn 99 already this morning, and essentially I'm pretty much just bracing against "Oh god this new sleep pattern is the worst and it has ruined nearly every episode this season for me" migraines. So I'm just gonna be super chill because the stress of this ridiculous bed at 8pm awake at 5am thing is killing me without bad writing on my favourite show.

So, instead of modelling a worst case scenario, here's a best case one: it's crowded, the pacing is bad, there's some bizarre lines of dialogue and no room for any character interaction and the sneak peek already showed us the sum total of Destiel interaction but in hindsight with the rest of the episode that's actually a plus, and aside from that there's no rape or catastrophic bad decisions or characterisation that just makes our guys look like idiots because the villains aren't that smart and they're still outwitting them or something. Cas wasn't even mentioned in the episode description if I recall and I would like to think that is because he gets Buckleminged in the way where they forget he exists so he's in 2 scenes and just kinda stops at some point and that's the last we hear of him for a few episodes but at least nothing happened to him :P

(It HELPS that the bad decision of the year seems like it should be Jack and Kaia ganging up in 13x09 and this is just a plot filler episode where they can't blow everything up from sheer incompetence, since the main plot is still Jack, and all Buckleming can do is escalate stuff but not so much we find Jack, so they're mostly running free with Lucifer, Michael and Asmodeus on the playground they've been permitted to keep them distracted. On the other hand, that does not lend itself towards 'storytelling structure' whatsoever. So I may derive some fun from mentally re-writing this episode as it goes as well.)

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Hi I'm back and I have tea and preemptive paracetamol and look I not do crap like this lightly but the only thing wrong with me is sleep and yoga but glug glug glug down the hatch, I'm not fucking around, migraine. I swear to god if I even see a HINT of you...

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I should also mention that my only prep for this episode was watching Tall Tales last night with my mum because we're lightly re-watching season 2 and I thought you know what look how far that fucker has come that he's just one of the show's regular directors now or something. I forgot that completely this morning so I'm amending my expectations (it WAS annoyingly early in the day) to add that Speight hasn't directed a Buckleming yet but I'm interested to see how he handles it.

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The episode starts with Mary cheerfully punching Lucifer at least 3 times in the face. I am still extremely proud of her for doing that but overall disappointed that it's led to her banishment to be a Buckleming character this season, which has been a fast way to ruin characters.

We get the entire first minute of the recap in Buckleming POV, aka they write the corny villains - and specifically a lot of Asmodeus point of view, his summary of the situation and what needs doing, having graciously inherited this throne, and comments on where Lucifer is as a sort of trailing off, well that's not my concern if he's gone. Only at the minute mark does the recap flip around to something genuinely ABOUT Jack as we've been seeing him, rather than trying to sell Jack as woooo Lucifer's scaaary son. Suddenly Jack's own identity crisis and him leaving.

Maybe it's just because they were trimming for time, but they cut the "all of you" from "I know I'm going to hurt you" but they also left the focus on Sam. I am mostly amused that by removing the clarification - which has been a theme of the season - it reduces that moment to a bare minimum surface layer, as if to say bye bye writing depth hello random action.

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I had a burgeoning theory last year from one episode or another that pretty much everyone is lampooning Buckleming while letting them get on with writing their stuff, and trying to run loops around them in basically any other way.

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There was something going on on screen involving a lot of stock footage while I was digging around in my bag looking for my 3DS assuming this was gonna be a Lucifer scene. I still think they're softening him up to kill him, but that's something I have to hope. One of the other non-redemption options is that they need to make him at least halfway manageable if he is gonna end up working with Cas or something. There is something vaguely appropriate matching Buckleming dialogue to Lucifer melodramatics, but unfortunately I really can't give these writers or that character much of a chance so while I'm happy to let them take him to play with over on their bit of the story like a chew toy to keep them off the stuff I like, it is annoying this is all the canon of the show I like >.>

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One or the other of Buckleming really really dislikes God and organised religion though, and that does often lend the interesting thing to an episode where for some reason as soon as religion is involved the writing actually gets halfway decent.

One thing Lucifer says that catches my interest is his idea the universe is written without irony, when tbh that has literally been his downfall in season 5, and in general the universe is ironic to the WINCHESTERS to whom the universe is actually happening to, and there's the whole Dean is the centre of the universe thing, and THEN there's Billie's line about how sometimes the universe is poetic, coupled with how Dean got Cas back entirely through dramatic irony. I can't remember if Chuck commented on dramatic irony. Anyway Lucifer sucks, the story doesn't happen to him and he doesn't have the resources to read it. Metatron *thrived* on that sort of thing.

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I like the visual of Michael standing with the sun behind him - it gives him absolutely the divine look he'd love to have, and I just wish he didn't have randomly shirtless Lucifer taking up some of that visual. If someone doesn't make a gifset chopping Lucifer out to just enjoy that image, I will make one, perhaps.

Something else to enjoy about this: they locked Mark P in some sort of medieval torture device and no matter how comfy you try and make it, there's obvious limits to that, so I will enjoy that he had to do that.

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Michael sees that Lucifer is scared of being locked up and caged, which actually is... accidentally or not... a pretty clever callback, although it wouldn't have killed them to have Michael deduce this on screen, because in 9x18 Dean - Michael's vessel - deduces that Gadreel - a blatant Lucifer parallel in many respects while obviously not in many many others - is terrified of being caged again.

Of course that exchange is one of the single most fascinatingly well-acted exchanges of the entire show which on my umpteenth viewing still knocks me completely flat so it's not a FAIR comparison, but it is an interesting one.

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I like that Michael think that the main universe is already paradise - in comparison to his shithole, definitely, because it still has pretty stock footage. Thematically interesting since obviously paradise is a bit of an issue with what people want...

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LOL Wanek's ridiculous "concrete bunker" set... The camera pulls back and there's a massive Jesus on the wall and Lucifer's hanging behind him screeching and it's like... That is an inanimate lump of wood and I can see it rolling its eyes at you.

In the earlier moments out here in the AU we saw the church from 8x23 poking up out of the rubble, and whether this is the same one or not NOW, because I think it was a bit too buried to be this one, it conjures the memory of 8x23, and that one was interesting specifically because Jesus wasn't there - the cross had only his hands and feet remaining and the rest had been torn down. Sam was inserted into that empty space because he was doing the big heroic world-saving sacrifice that from one direction of pure irony the episode was named after (since he decided not to do it/the real motives for his sacrifice were way more interesting than him going through with it heroically anyway etc) but it was another Sam and Jesus moment, like in 5x22 where he more straight-forwardly sacrificed himself.

(And jeeze you watch one episode with the guy and now I can't get him out of my head - remembering in 9x18 Gabriel snarking about how he died for their sins and then making one of the few Jesus references on the show. Jesus is usually extremely absent from this show, so actually having him on screen is very interesting)

Anyway I am pretty sure this is almost entirely to remind Lucifer what a great big fucking drama queen he is being about this all and of course he's sacrificing for nothing.

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Blah blah promo scene.

They have the photo of Jack from Mia's security camera which means no one has snapped a cute picture of him on their phone yet, Cas included. Disappointing.

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Now, I'm pretty hesitant to get into characterisation in BL episodes, and Dean just generically wryly comments on how powerful Jack is which could mean anything but Sam then says he might be covering his tracks and then Cas, who has to be written sympathetic to Jack, comes through the door saying that it could mean Jack is in trouble with the various forces that want to control him. Sam's comment coupled with Cas's interruption seems to make it much more likely that Sam's comment is to be taken as vaguely unnerved/suspicious of what Jack can do, and that he's doing things like that Dean implies. That Jack learned so fast he might be able to cause a fair amount of destruction but conceal it from them and if they're trying to track him, Sam is expecting destruction.

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Dean also came from the kitchen with coffees so why is Cas coming from the back of the Bunker... I'm gonna have to assume he was until just now lounging around in Dean's bed and Dean was like I better go get coffee and help Sam and Cas was like yeah but thanks for the 'sorry your son ran away' sex i feel a lot better and Dean was like no problem babe, and probably gave Cas one of those ridiculous shoulder nudges in the most no homo way ever before he got up to find where they threw his underwear an hour earlier, and Cas just kinda chilled while Dean was getting the coffee so as not to be suspicious by piling in on Sam after taking the exact same length break from the search but then they fucked it up and still managed to enter the scene within 30 seconds of each other.

Yeah, that's probably it.

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I just saw the list of guest stars wander by and took 3 emergency gulps of my tea at that combo of Osric and for some reason DHJ because file that under genuinely unexpected :P

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PS: I know we knew Kevin would be back this year but the fact I managed to find Kevin thematic stuff in the last 2 episodes in a row still feels important to me as storytelling rather than foreshadowing.

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Anyway Cas tries to tell Dean the angels don't like him, and Dean volunteering to go with him because "i could go with you" is a thing and they keep doing it to each other and ow

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Blah blah we could work a case. Are you serious? I really seriously hope this is not literally Buckleming's thought process about wtf do we do with Sam and Dean this episode after establishing maybe 4-5 other plotlines we need to handle away from them. I hope it turns out to be directly main plot related, whatever they stumble on, but we already now have them in a position where any involvement with the main stuff will be them stumbling on it or it coming to them. See above: ways in which the main characters are automatically made to be stupid. Subtle things, like not being able to imagine a way in which Sam and Dean are resourceful enough to even start to find Jack which doesn't involve googling things.

I mean we have no clue what you're doing with this random witch seeming case, why can't you bring a detail foreward if it's from the main plot to give us a clue. And if it's not, tell us something connected to it which will at least make Sam and Dean interested in it as a lead? Even if they're not right about why, put them on the trail because they're good at their jobs!

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Anyway hi Asmodeus? As soon as we clear the promo scene etc I start assuming everyone is Asmodeus

I mean, in this case it literally is. but you can't trust anyone these days.

He needs to have his equivalent scene to sitting around in the Bunker googling, which, which is to say, the same type of minions who brought Crowley or Lucifer news are now coming toadying in to tell Asmodeus news, and the only difference is his name is harder to spell.

He's trying to do the same thing reaching out to Jack that we saw Lucifer trying to do last season, to Dagon. There is always the possibility that Asmodeus just isn't powerful enough to get into Jack's head from this extreme range when he has no idea where he is. Loser.

This minion seems to be mistakenly labelling Jack as "the Jack", maybe not as a mark of respect but more misunderstanding what he is, that he's not a thing, that that's his name...

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Asmodeus asks who's protecting Jack, and cut to the image of Jesus again. I don't know about him, but tbh it could just be that Jack is protecting HIMSELF and they've massive underestimated him to do that. Jesus on this show represents a lot more of the personal autonomy saving yourself thing.

Also hey as long as we're not seeing Jack, we're getting that gosh darned hole in the narrative that he represents while he's missing. Is this actually a lesson in subtlety?

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Michael meanwhile is enjoying tormenting Lucifer some more because blah blah sole purpose in life and what do you even do when you win.

Lucifer appears to have claimed to be a god in the SPN verse and Michael's like, here you're pathetic, and I'm like, mate, he was pretty pathetic in the main SPN universe too

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There's some cool crosses on the walls which are trying to help, bringing light into this church.

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Yeah where is Mary anyway - I wasn't gonna ask, but then Lucifer seemed to imply that Michael was keeping her around.

I mean sheesh the easiest way to get Mary around is to just have her in the scene still lurking but then film it as if it's almost entirely from her eyeballs POV if she doesn't have anything else to be doing right now - having her witnessing this theatre as the person from the main SPN world who's come over here.

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KEV

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Awwww he's gone a wee bit off the rails in this world, seeing as he'd have had to be helping Michael and reading tablets the entire time and also the entire world appears to be destroyed.

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I don't know why Lucifer's having a personal reaction to Kevin unless I totally forgot something but they were literally never in the same seasons as each other although weirdly both in 11x21 so obviously must just be angels would know all the prophetsand which one was currently active... Maybe he's just surprised that in the AU Kevin survived even longer than he did in the supposedly better world.

Well there aren't any Winchesters in this one and Lucifer always underestimates them, in this case positively re: likelihood of getting Kevin killed :P

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Oh great they're powering down Lucifer a bit. Well that should make him much more irritating.

I mean mostly because everything makes him irritating.

But it means the show wants him around some more but they can't have him at full power because it's just inconvenient so now they're finding a reason to water him down so they can have him around dragging his heels and complaining. I suppose it might make some comparisons to Cas, who's on a smidgen of left-over grace, but again, see also: eye rolling wooden Jesus, there's no way you can redeem Lucifer and not by comparing him to Cas.

Metatron got some sort of treatment but he was nowhere near like Cas even when he was done being redeemed and he still had to be killed off doing a heroic thing rather than let him stick around.

I'm just grinding my teeth and I already got part of the way through the next scene but UGH

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So hey thinking of random versions of other characters why is DHJ's magnificent facial hair making a cameo return role on this side of the interdimensional nosense? You can't just grow a beard and start hunting witches on the down low on the winchesters' turf.

I'm assuming including DHJ's names in the credits was specifically some sort of nonsense now

specifically monsters going around looking like other things.

Maybe it was a shapeshifter Ketch punched a few weeks ago. It's only been a few weeks since he died, you know.

Maybe it's Asmodeus.

Maybe it's maybelline

The plot reason for the beard had better be hilarious.

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I like Daniella the Beret Witch. For some reason I thought she looked tons like the witch Sam and Dean were looking at on the CCTV but when I went back to look I actually spotted her in the background watching them and waiting to make her move, and she doesn't look like the one on the CCTV at all so I guess my brain clocked her and filed her away because she was sitting around in a huge scarf, sunglasses and a beret and my brain didn't want me to not pay attention to her in case she was useful.

-

Kevin's weirdly pristine but still grey hoodie is making me giggle. He looks like the AU has barely touched him and Michael's even dirty and ragged.

I'm not sure I even want to touch random morality discussions from Buckleming. Lucifer says Michael is pure evil, Kevin says "aren't you Satan?" and Lucifer really hasn't done anything ever to make us actually want to root for him. Like sure Michael is the much worse bigger bad in the show's rankings but that doesn't make Lucifer less quanitifiably evil. Michael's way more complex because Lucifer is the big cartoon evil that Sam had to originally fear, the "what if I am actually evil" character mirror that obviously Sam isn't but it meant Lucifer needed no character complexity other than whiny manipulative interpretations of how he'd been mistreated where he could protest he had a side. Michael is waaaay more complex just in the like 2 episodes he actually talks in season 5 because he's "what if Dean was the big bad" and he's not evil, he's just 100% black and white morality rigid "good" in the sense of punishing evil, to the point of not questioning an order to kill his brother, and not even having a particularly "cool motive still murder" approach like Cain, but literally just like well okay then I guess I will kill my brother. How to make DEAN evil, or to personify the darkness that lives in him.

I mean I am massively simplifying but dear lord Buckleming if you read my notes this is the baseline direction you need to be writing these characters from and I am trying to HELP.

I am genuinely feeling like you're mistaking "apparent fan favourite because they make a lot of memes about him, Lucifer" as "this must mean people genuinely like him because he's Lucifer" and any possible reason I would find him interesting as a villain who was held up to just kinda exist and be himself doing his awful things contrasted to Michael who was just around existing and doing his awful things, is all just draining away down the toilet. Like you've got Lucifer lodged in there and you're flushing and flushing around him >.>

Anyway I'm going to take this entire scene as 100x more ironic than it was probably originally intended to be, that Kevin is not exactly right about Michael (and lol, Michael being the Dean parallel just kinda using Kevin all the time for random spells and always having him on the hook for doing things for them) but he's sure not wrong about Lucifer, Lucifer protesting Michael is evil because he's mistreating him and has destroyed this planet sure isn't WRONG but it's not a "so therefore I must be right"

And I kind of think the level of subtlety this writing is at is that "Michael is a dick and therefore Lucifer looks better in comparison"

But that's not how any of this works

*insert Jesus eyeroll*

-

*pats poor overworked manic AU!Kevin's hair*

I wonder if he's actually going to be able to do it

it would be HILARIOUS if they waste Lucifer's grace on this

-

Hey he did it, I'm proud of you AU!Kev. He always manages to do the thing :P

Okay not good that Lucifer has just been thrown back because A: Mary is still trapped over there, I assume for the much more important emotional arc stuff to do with rescuing her especially in the parallel to getting Cas back and all this stuff for Sam's arc and all

But UGH the writing of Lucifer is just really annoying me on so many levels and punting him back into the main SPN universe depowered and humbled by his brother, just annoys me so much.

Like I don't know how much more less enthused I have to be about Lucifer having struggles.

Boo hoo

-

Last season Dean got mistaken for homeless after he got hit with the memory spell, and was offered cash to make him go away.

he handled it considerably better than Lucifer.

I am just gonna assume this random woman is Asmodeus.

Lucifer probably ought to go grab that cash he was offered...

-

Oh wait here's Asmodeus, torturing some poor bloke called Karl who apparently works at the motel from last week.

I'm impressed they managed to track Jack that far, tbh

The question is, is there an actual memo that the Winchesters are camped in an old, heavily warded, impossible to map or locate MoL bunker, or is that something you only find out after you tail them for a bit? I mean Jack might not be there any more either but it would be a start :P

I feel extra skeevy about this scene because Asmodeus is being a total moron for starters by not checking Karl's level of clued in to this, and so he's this white plantation owner coded guy in his shiny white suit, torturing a black guy who isn't even on the same level as him for info he doesn't have, and could in no way be resonably expected to know. So it's doubly cruel. Although in some respects Asmodeus's coding makes this gratuitous violence a commentary, just like Buddy and Dave being collosal douches to women in the last few episodes was called out in many ways simply by their existence and coding as collosal douches.

Still not nice to watch on screen, especially without even more specific reference to Asmodeus's doucheyness because the stupidity of this dialogue is not helping.

Like did the minions just bring Karl to him and say hey we tracked the Winchesters and Jack this far, he might know more?

Like...

This is the sort of basic intelligence test fail here, that they're not over-thinking this scene in the specific details that you need to not have your main villain parade around displaying total idiocy over.

Like why the Winchesters would book into a motel under "Sam and Dean Winchester and Jack the Nephilim" and then Karl would know that and know what that means.

You can't just drag a normy into the Hell Main Office and torture them for info about Jack when they have no clue who that is.

He literally

can shapeshift

into anything

Go to the Stampede Motel, turn into a pretty girl in a low cut top, and lean on the motel check in desk until you know what you were after.

I'm no longer impressed they found Karl, I'm AMAZED.

-

Why did they kiiiiill him

-

Lol Asmodeus is so hammy

what's he sensing

Has he figured out Lucifer is back?

-

Meanwhile: Sam and Dean voluntarily go to a creepy cabin in the woods with a witch. This is not quite as stupid as Asmodeus was just being.

-

I am loving the plot development that David Hayden Jones has returned to the show as himself to find Rowena. Like dammit, you were a really cool character I had no interaction with but we coulda had some screen magic for all you know. You may or may not be in this episode as a surprise appearance which as Lizzy said putting MY name in the credits is the "hey it's that guy" fuckery to distract from the fact there's some bigger fuckery at foot (like... aside from the fact I was back to back with OSRIC FUCKING CHAU) because you don't *just* randomly put my very recognisable name in the credits at the start of the episode with Osric unless it's because something's up. So heeey here I am, I'm looking for Rowena, because dangit Ruthie deserves another chance to be in this show.

-

Daniella is also really slow to realise that Sam just said she was going to be bait. It took until Dean repeated it for her to realise.

-

She's really pretty though.

-

She starts choking like several moments before the gas hits her

-

... is that DHJ?

-

I mean we're getting a close up on his face but I literally. Do. Not. Recognise. Him.

I remember rambling at some point in my watching notes in season 12 when his face was being particularly hilarious after I'd seen con photos of DHJ that Ketch is one of the most effective character disguises I've ever seen for an actor's face. TBH it's the same weird different face thing I get from Alex Calvert - that he's all clean shaven and filmed as a wee nougat child in the show but he has an instagram of unrecognisable smouldering glamour shots, often with scruff. DHJ has a beard and that's his face, and part of the Ketch look was being clean shaven and crammed in a tight collar which is an incredibly British upper class twit look, and even in other clothes later the illusion lasted... But add a beard and stop grooming his hair and he just turns into some other person entirely.

-

Ah well, Dean gets to punch DHJ with Ketch's accent again which must be satisfying for him.

-

Did they take DHJ back to the Bunker? Really?

-

Oh he doesn't have the tattoo

LOL he's his "twin" "brother"... Obviously.

Yeah okay whatever you say, DHJ.

-

elizabethrobertajones Hey what if DHJ was actually Rowena

mittensmorgul oh god, don't give them ideas

-

ALSO if you have an "evil twin brother" you would generally assume that this sort of thing would happen a lot and you'd try and clarify sooner? I bring up my twin like every other time I talk about myself.

Also this is a ridiculous concept I refuse to engage with

-

I mean, thematically, wowsers. Fits right in with Buddy and Dave and things that look like other things

-

ALSO DHJ has been going around torturing witches so it's not like he's been the good twin

-

ALSO WHY IS HE HERE?

-

Apparently he's a hitman hunter

-

I suppose it's kind of like Bela but I do find it really strange.

Like how does anyone even know to hire him if no one knows monsters exist? Who is pointing him at these things?

Insinuating himself into situations like Bela to get work maaay be a way to do it, like if the Winchesters showed up in town and immediately told the sheriff what was up and then offered their fee as contractors or something. Pfft.

Pfft.

-

And then he's like "we hunters" because he's trying to bond with them or something

-

To google!

-

It's convenient he kept a beard his whole life

-

Oh okay Sam stole hard drives from the BMoL and is using their actual data.

-

I like the side by sides of their report cards where the prop people literally did them backwards from each other. "*More effort required!" they say about Alexander, and "Excellent work!" for Arthur.

-

Dean isn't buying it

-

LOL they dumped Ketch's corpse into the waste canal.

Do you want a haunted Bunker? That's how you get a haunted Bunker.

-

Anyway Dean is like NOPE don't believe it and Sam's like... there's so much proof... and then he goes in to question DHJ again and DHJ is like... you literally saw me get shot in the head last season, you don't trust that? And Sam's like no I had to concede that Dean had a point that we really can't trust anything and I guess Cas did just randomly come back or something and we have horrific problems with the white men on this show coming back again for completely random reasons that make no sense so you had better bloody well actually be re-introducing Rowena into the narrative even more dramatically than the warning Billie gave about the red-headed witch that Dean probably didn't tell me about now come to think of it, but I'd still like to see her again because we had a sort of weird thing we never really talked about going on...

-

Also are they keeping DHJ in the store room that showed up for the pencil scene but isn't the other store room? It looks like a different part of the Bunker repurposed.

-

Sam mis-reads Ketch, maybe because he never knew him as well as Mary or even Dean saw him. DHJ is like dude I played him for a year and psychoanalysed him and his crush on Dean in multiple interviews, so trust me when I tell you all his character exposition.

The stuff about being loyal to Heaven - I mean the BMoL - and being a company man echo what Ishim said about old Cas in 12x10

-

DHJ like, I did so much character work in those interviews, and I never got a chance for Ketch to be sympathetic so let me offer some more insight on him now you have me in the worst interview chair ever.

Also, don't go into pop culture journalism, Sam

-

"If he were here, he'd admit regret to some of the things he did to your family"

Yeah unless you have a magic twin link (well... not unlikey tbh with random ass canon pulls) you're either Arthur Ketch or just DHJ enjoying doing interviews about Ketch to a twisted and weird level and I'm sort of gonna have to do an intervention on this for him.

-

CAS

-

NEW PLAYGROUND

-

New angel!

mittensmorgul dumas? that's the name the superwiki has linked, but her page is blank

elizabethrobertajones Heh 3 musketeers again first in the off-brand nougat now that

-

"If we had him he wouldn't be imprisoned he'd be put to work"

SHE WANTS NEW ANGELS

I don't freakin blame her

But Jack shouldn't be "put to work" either - he would have to want to do it.

Awww Cas getting protective over Jack before I'm done typing that of course this means Jack would be forced to do it and the angel says "No other choice" because of course she does.

As usual heaven isn't comic book evil but its purposes in the name of "good" are super shady. Even if Jack was pure evil himself, Heaven enslaving a powerful nephilim for its own purposes would be dodgy.

-

Btw I am still torn about Cas's compulsion to care about Jack but on the other hand I am really enjoying Cas generally existing and being alive - and wait a minute she didn't even ask about how he was doing that - so I'm pretty much enjoying the surface level about Cas and Jack right now. Because of course I see the good in Jack that he DOES need protecting, so however Cas ended up on this, at least he is doing the right thing and taking the right stance.

-

"Castiel, he's not your pet. He belongs to all of us."

-

Uhoh, Cas is probably going to get grabbed.

*surprise*

Hey he did pretty well considering he's fighting 3 angels and is much weaker than them.

-

Oh boy, here's Lucifer. This is gonna go great.

-

Does Cas or Lucifer need to start this with the "you're supposed to be dead/in the AU" first?

-

Lol, Cas is the first person in this entire damn episode to actually ask a relevant question, and it's one we already know the answer to

*waves a little flag for Cas though*

Hey and then Lucifer asks about Cas being alive, what do you know.

He then calls Cas "cowboy" and pretends like Cas wouldn't kick his ass.

I am pretty happy about the "cowboy" thing :P

-

Lucifer has found a tan jacket somewhere, specifically one that looks like the one Jack was wearing but maybe a bit thicker, more like Cas's new coat. He's trying to edge in on this family and I can only assume this is not even a veiled metaphor for the douchey biological father wanting to be all interested in his son's business.

Lucifer in a tan jacket makes me think wolf in sheep's clothing.

-

He does, however, shelve the issue of child custody for now, and he appears to be genuinely freaked out enough about Michael to make that a priority and tell Cas about it, because if you want help against Michael, we've had 2 references to Team Free Will in short succession and that was a phrase coined specifically to spite Michael...

I don't think Lucifer should be allowed in, remotely, because it's become a family term, but the imagery is interesting anyway that he is trying to leech off the success of TFW to accomplish the goals he could never do himself. Especially because it was blatant in season 5 to everyone but him that Michael would kick his butt since he already did it once before and nothing has changed, 12x12 confirmed Michael would kill him slowly, and now meeting an AU Michael, he discovers that yep Michael sure is stronger than him, even when he was the last strong archangel left, and then Michael took that from him...

-

None of this, however, makes Lucifer sympathetic or good, just self-interested in not dying, and who is better at not dying than Cas?

I mean he wasn't even expecting to see Cas here, I guess he was going to a heaven portal to try and get them to listen?

-

LOL Kingdom Beer sign over Cas and Lucifer having a chat in a bar.

Cas looks Weary.

"I came back from the dead to deal with THIS? Please take me back to yesterday when it was fun kinky cowboy times with Dean."

-

I'm glad Cas isn't remotely friendly to Lucifer and is quick to remind him about how killed he got last time they hung out. Lucifer continues to be whiny and annoying about it all, unrepentant for killing Cas over petty nonsense.

-

LOL Lucifer is like "this Michael is much more powerful"

buddy. dude. go watch 12x12 then get back to me about how whooped your butt would have been. I mean go look at that lovely painting of him whooping your butt that was in 12x12 and unrelated to the fact he had that fucking lance in the first place.

-

Anyway he's trying to convince Cas to use his influence on Jack to get them to be the ultimate team up but they're fundamentally incapable of doing that because they're the 2 rival dads for Jack and blatantly symbolically being shown as that in these costumes, and that's one of the huge thematic things.

-

Cas like "You are the Weakest Link, goodbye."

-

I love Cas being so snarky, so maybe Lucifer being around is good in some respects, that it makes Cas this snarky because he has something to bounce off as awful and despised as Lucifer. Not even Crowley got THIS dismissive treatment, because they had emotional baggage that was of a whole different sort, whereas Cas and Lucifer have been opposite mirrors the whole time since season 4

-

Lucifer is emphasising how he and Cas are the big cosmic powers around here, with Jack. Hm...

Lol Cas is like "I'm calling my guys who deal with these things" and Lucifer bangs his head on the table in despair. I guess this is like the boy who called wolf except that instead of calling wolf he was literally going around eating all the sheep and was banned from being a shepherd for life and locked away and got out and ate more sheep and was locked away and got out and ate more sheep and got locked away and THEN came back like oh hi something's gonna eat all our sheep.

-

Lucifer then says Cas needs him and that he needs Cas and they all need Jack.

So Um I guess "Need" is The Worst Word right now :P

-

"Jack. Your son's name is *Jack*" *pats Cas's hair*

Pfft themes "is he a chip off the old block?" "thankfully, no. he seems to favour the mother"

Theeeeeeeeemes

-

Cas squinting when he lies - I don't think that's his lying tell because he does it too much, but perhaps uncertainty. The fact he squinted so much in the reintroduction huggy scene last episode feels to me less like lying and more like no clue what was going on and how mad he had to be about his humans sacrificing for him to come back.

-

Laughing at all their labelled phones lying around permanently charging. I think this is the first proof we've ever seen that they have a Bobby phone bank, but I can't imagine who would rely on the Winchesters to answer the phone when they need proof of ID :P They're like ALWAYS being abducted or disappearing on cases.

Or dying.

-

Okay so the phones are more just for their personal IDs for the cards THEY give out and they're just getting a call back from the motel for some reason, I suppose because Jack was with them (seriously. Dean gave the motel the name Jack? I have to assume Jack said his name before they could re-name him on the fly and so he was registered as a guest there as Jack the Nephilim because why the fuck not... Berens has a magic skill of un-fucking Buckleming canon but it seems Buckleming's skill is fucking up poor Davy's, in 12x13 and 12x17 and now here...)

ANYWAY jesus christ Asmodeus is stupid. "Evil Colonel Sanders" literally walked in and abducted Karl in person which means that his stupid ass questions weren't even because his minions brought him the guy and presented him in an idiotic way, but our shapeshifting villain wandered in and took Karl, himself in person with his own freaking face that the Winchesters KNEW and is extremely memorable, and took his prize.

...

DHJ better turn out to be Asmodeus even though I think their screentime overlapped and this makes no freaking sense since he has some established history wandering around attacking witches before they caught up with him.

-

I'd rather have a time plothole than a stupid plothole :P

-

Anyway DHJ is hanging out with them in the library eating a sandwich because... um

reasons?

At least he's in chains.

-

Oh my god I said that sarcastically moments before Sam said it sincerely and then pointed out there's no bathroom in the armoury

what the fuck

-

Like I said up top: as stupid as the villain is, your main characters have to be about as dumb as they are, either only just enough to outwit them, or more stupid if they get outwitted...

Poor Sammy, he was having such a fantastic season

-

Dean just straight up pretends Mary is phone when DHJ asks because why the heck would you monologue your sad life story to the bad guy, and give him emotional leverage over you? Especially when he ASKS because "Alexander" should have no knowledge of Mary or care about her, but then he also shouldn't know the DHJ interview details of Ketch's inner life.

-

YAY Dean and Cas are talking and Dean phoned Cas probably just to hear a sane voice because Cas is managing to weave around being Buckleminged, so far, possibly just because he was not in the opening half of the episode, and then this was a really important conversation they couldn't fuck up so probably got supervised.

-

elizabethrobertajones tee hee Cas standing by the gents to take a call from Dean wait hang on ... I'm not even being jokey I literally just had that moment in the chat with you :P *rewinds* Longing retcon Confirmed Oh dear that is hilarious I don't know if that's the moment you wanted me to see or not but I'm delighted :P

elizabethrobertajones Cas was standing away from Lucifer ready to take Dean's phone call and had to have walked off up to a minute before he called, but most likely in that time when Dean was like UGH I need to talk to Cas and hear the one sane voice in this episode and Cas was like... Brb I... have to use... the 'Gents' and got up and wandered off to take the call eat it, 12x10 and that "where's my phone" moment I mean Buckleming introduced it to fill a plothole so why should they not use it to cover more plotholes at their leisure

... did Speight know? I mean he coulda been like what the heckeroo, and added Cas getting the call and legging it from the table.

-

The only other option I can think of is Cas decided he may as well just get up to "go pee" because Lucifer is so annoying that pretending he needs to go to the loo buys him 5 minutes to let his migraine subside.

-

Also what the fuck DHJ was wandering around the bunker so he could use the bathroom. I am confused. Is this actually like... being hinted at. Like, "hey children, please remember who does and doesn't need to use the bathroom in this episode"

-

Omg

Cas like "I would *like* to see you too" is he literally pretending he and Dean were canoodling on the phone as a cover?

-

I hate everything

-

Anyway need/want blah blah I have been over that a lot lately :P Cas is using his DESIRE to see Dean to get help, by Lucifer saying he NEEDS Cas.

-

"Smooth was never your strong suit" oh my god Lucifer also thought Cas was pretending to be flirty too what is going on

why has this episode confirmed all the headcanons about Cas being the most shittiest phone sex guy ever

of all the things.

why.

-

DHJ wants to go because he misses being in on the action with the guys

-

Like. No, go take your sandwich and sit down.

-

Dean is sad about Cas always getting killed by Lucifer and stuff when he does stupid things.

-

Cas's "ugh stop talking Lucifer" face is a whole layer more existential misery than dealing with Crowley... I think he was secretly fond of Crowley or at least enjoyed hating him, whereas Lucifer is just EXHAUSTING.

He's needling Cas for attention.

-

LOL randomly Asmodeus as if Cas's headache wasn't bad enough, now we got thunder and lightning and very very frightening...

Pfft.

-

bahahaha Lucifer called Asmodeus the dim bulb

I mean he's not wrong, Asmodeus has been completely idiotic all episode. And of course, narratively, his "evil plans" are just self-interest which will endanger the entire world because even if Lucifer is a twat, he has a point about the coming danger of Michael, and Asmodeus just refuses to see the danger, which is all kinds of various political commentary, and using his era aesthetic to say this kind of thinking is such a throwback...

-

I think this might be the most confused Cas has ever been about if he should stab someone or not - if he actually WANTS to defend Lucifer. Not really, but Asmodeus seems like a bigger problem because at least Lucifer isn't trying to kill him.

-

I hope this just randomly gets Asmodeus killed.

Or Lucifer

-

Asmodeus just called Lucifer "screwable"... do they even know what they said? :P

-

EEEP there was a Margiekugel sign and it just flickered off

-

"Nick's bar" pfft because Lucifer?

-

It seems like Sam and Dean are too late and Asmodeus already made off with everyone?

I hope Cas is okay

being held captive by that idiot seems like a fate worse than death. You're going to get villain monologues all day.

-

Anyway fight fight fight

-

Good fight.

-

Where did DHJ even come from?

-

that was a ridiculous nonsense about how he escaped. I also will die if he took Dorothy's bike and not his own left stashed there. Also he nodded at Dean like hey you didn't cavity search me like you should have, which... Is he actually Ketch?

-

He's actually Ketch

Of course that means Dean knows him very well and trusted his gut instinct on knowing Ketch to prove that he was not, in fact, the actor David Hayden Jones, chillaxing on set and being weirdly cheerful about being beaten up by the Winchesters.

-

Pfft he used Rowena's charm to get alive again

-

Well she better be fine if they're gonna use her like this.

-

"Is she?"

-

LOL Ketch ninja'd out of there

Oh good it wasn't Dorothy's bike

Considering how they use Rowena, DON'T use Mary, etc I'd have taken Dorothy's bike as a personal insult. I guess Ketch rode his over to the Bunker before 12x22.

-

I mean at least this means Ketch remembers he got shot and then also he revived in a sewer where he belonged because he is garbage.

-

Wait. He set up this whole thing in like a month or so TOPS since he got shot? If he’s been chasing witches has he even had TIME for a side business?

-

Oh boy, Asmodeus using Cas's voice to talk to Dean.

BAD HELLO DEAN.

That "see you soon" is also way too cheerful. It should be as much of a tip off as Cas begging Dean to come help him in the previous call.

-

I hope Dean sees through it.

Though it's so Buckleming-y I don't think people should be mad if he doesn't because this was them doing a smart!Dean episode.

-

PFFT of course they team up - colonialism from all sorts of fun angles!! The ultimate trashy white guys in suits team up.

-

Thanks Buckleming!

-

Man, I need a whole pot of detox tea now. I don't even have closing thoughts.

[aion-rsa]

Evil: Did Kristen Kill Orson?

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains spoilers for Evil season 1.

Kristen Bouchard, played by Katja Herbers, was as surprised by the Evil season 1 finale as any viewer. Something drew the normally cynical psychiatric trial expert to test her fate. The moment before she sees the acrid burn of sin on her flesh, she is relieved. Everything is normal for too short a moment. Evil season 2 will open on another side of a rabbit hole. The supernatural suspense drama already cast an all-seeing eye into demonic connections in international conspiracy. Their new unsolved mystery is an inner crime. A lone act. Did Kristen kill Orson LeRoux (Darren Pettie)? All the clues are there. Some may have been repressed, like a tell-tale blood stain no one wants to see, but malicious intent tends to rise to the surface. What could have possessed Kristen to do such a thing? Perhaps only the show’s resident therapist, the goat-headed demon who primarily tends to Leland Townsend (Michael Emerson), knows for sure, and he’s known as the father of lies.

As the designated Doubting Thomas in a group of Catholic Church-affiliated paranormal investigators, Kristen has made it her mission to get to the bottom of elusive truths. As a citizen she lends her expert testimony to keep the most dangerous criminals from re-entering society. She fought very hard to keep Orson in prison. But when the convicted serial killer’s sentence was overturned, Kristen’s first concern was as a mother. Not only did she fail to keep a multiple murderer off the street, she fails to keep him from showing up on her own block. Orson does this just as Kristen is escorting her daughters aboard the school bus. She dials 911, but Orson is the one to file a police complaint. Their neighborly squabble is settled with a conciliatory fruit basket.

Orson LeRoux is a gift that keeps giving. He was on the ninth rung of a 12-step program to hell, and looking for something short of redemption. The newly freed serial killer was just getting on our good sides when we overheard the call from Detective Mira Byrd (Kristen Connolly) saying he wouldn’t be making it to season 2. “He was bludgeoned,” Byrd says. “We are thinking it was by his wife. Your troubles are over.” But “Book 27,” the title of the final episode, doesn’t shut the file on the problematic psychopath. It throws a whole library at undue process.

The night Kristen came home to find her daughter Lexis asleep on the floor near an open front door and Orson’s gift basket, she put the kid to bed and went out in a hurry. Before she left, she grabbed a climbing axe. Kristen and her husband are both avid and expert mountaineers, and the instrument is pristine. It looks brand new and still has its shine. The axe looks like the walking stick Claude Rains used to kill Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolfman. His son had a terrible secret. When the moon was full, he became a murderous beast. Like Orson, the werewolf is very vocal in expressing regret for his violence but shows no outward signs of his affliction when he’s not possessed by his lunacy. 

Evil has its own character with a unique gait. The Demon Therapist is made to look like an all-male version of the Goat of Mendes, also known as Baphomet. There is some evidence he may be setting Kristen up for a fall. Not only as a suspect in the murder of the legally exonerated ex-con, but from grace itself. And then, after Kristen gives the appearance of murderous intent before the crime, she also blatantly covers up evidence right in front of one of her most trusted colleagues.

The sequence where Ben Shakir (Aasif Mandvi) notices the blood on Kristen’s leg reminds me of the scene where Lou Costello walks right into Boris Karloff’s character in the 1949 suspense comedy Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer. In that film, Karloff’s killer hypnotically suggests to the surprised witness “You didn’t see me. I wasn’t here,” and pulls a mental disappearing act. When Ben asks Kristen why she has blood on her leg, she cleans it right in front of him and simply says “I don’t have blood on my leg.” She makes it clear that her leg is currently blood-free, providing a loop-hole for a legal disappearing act. Jedi mind tricks are not admissible in court, though, so it appears she is skirting more than ethics.

Kristen is also ducking a culling scythe. David Acosta (Mike Colter), the ex-journalist, pre-ordained priest who assesses supernatural events for the Catholic Church, also indulges in mind tricks. He routinely mixes brews of hallucinogens to open himself up to mystical visions. At one point towards the end, we see him fingering a baggie of magic mushrooms which fades to a hallucination. He envisions himself in the middle of a field of wheat, which the Demon Therapist is separating from chaff. Kristen walks right past David straight to the agricultural reaper. She has a smile of beneficence on her face and is unconcerned. That’s more than you can say for David, who is so worried he drops the untouched bag of psychedelic experience to the floor. He didn’t need chemicals to see the signs. But what do they mean?

David could have seen an allusion to Kristen’s mortal sin, which would lead her to a path of perdition. He may also be seeing a warning, in which case, she has not yet fully given in to the temptation of the most dramatic of maternal instincts. Who is to say Detective Byrd isn’t involved in the murder?  Kristen Connolly has been playing much of the role ambiguously. Maybe the detective figures it will help the book sales she had to admit to under oath. Orson’s death could be one of collusion. It is most probably a mere step on the downward spiral Kristen’s arc is taking.  

David is very good at reading signs. He recognized the symbol to the RMS fertility clinic which is churning out demon babies by the test-tube-full from one he’d seen in his vision of an ancient occult text. But the hottest clue to the mystery which surrounds him doesn’t come from a burning bush. It comes from a scorched palm. The very last scene of the Evil finale changes the paradigm of the show. In what looks like a whim of scientific curiosity, Kristen holds a crucifix in the palm of her hand. She’s been to enough exorcisms, and even saw the effects reading “The Lord’s Prayer” had on the possibly-possessed Orson. Kristen is performing an ad hoc experiment. And she is positively relieved at the initial results.

Kristen’s relief lasts less than a second. The experiment is apparently a success, but it’s not a happy conclusion. The skin which touched the crucifix is branded with the mark of the cross. By the logic of Hollywood since the beginning of celluloid, this would indicate Kristen Bouchard is at least possessed, if not already some kind of demon. That fertility clinic David connected the dots to was the same one she’d gone to after she’d suffered a miscarriage. Her daughter, the psychically gifted Lexis Bouchard (Maddy Crocco), was born after in vitro fertilization procedures done at their facilities. Besides the Boys from Brazil conspiracy Ben revealed at the connection, this also brings in another aspect of Kristen’s maternal instinct. Would she kill to protect her demon spawn?

We know Kristen is fiercely protective of her children. We’ve also seen evidence she can be fairly quick to violence. She had no qualms about carving her initials into the neck of Leland Townsend, the defense expert who has become her most annoying nemesis. She also seemed to savor twisting a blade into the demon George. A prosecuting attorney might bring these incidents up to tarnish her character in a trial for killing Orson. But they also open an easy gateway to Kristen’s inner darkness. David’s head priest says a person has to invite a demon before they can be possessed. Lexis not only invited the Demon Therapist into her hallway, she jumped at the chance to go the “next level,” and punched in the security code for him. Kristen accepted the demon when she followed through on the path laid out for her.

While it remains unclear whether Kristen is possessed or in an early stage of possession, her openness to demonic forces may have been foreshadowed in episode 1. It happens after one of her earliest night-terror incidents with the demon George, when Kristen is lying in bed with her daughters. She breaks the fourth wall with a knowing grin to the camera. While some of her actions might indicate a weakening of moral standards, leading to her being open to committing a mortal sin, there are no overt signs of encroaching demonic infestation. But the road to hell is an insidious one, paved with the very best of intentions.

Those who are condemned to hell don’t display their designations with signs like the burn marks left by crucifixes and other holy residue. If Kristen had become possessed, she would have shown signs during some of the exorcism rites she’d witnessed during the season. But Orson’s murder may have been a climax to a seduction which began when she was first introduced to the holy work. She has increasingly become more secretive to the people around her, both professionally and personally. She doesn’t give out easy explanations, and keeps too many details too close to her vest. Kristen often looks like she’s hiding something even in the least necessary moment. She even does it against her own self-interest.

Because Evil is an intentionally and happily effective confounding series, the mystery of Orson’s death will probably not be what is most readily apparent. It is hidden in the occult clues we might have overlooked, just like a gas leak may be hidden by some plaster in the room of a seemingly satanic crime scene. Kristen is indeed primed to be suspect, but Detective Byrd has motive and opportunity. It would almost be a shame if Orson’s wife got to him first.

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Evil is available for streaming on Netflix.

The post Evil: Did Kristen Kill Orson? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[film-clown]

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker

So this is about... 3 months late? I usually post reviews a couple weeks following the film’s release, but the last few months have been nothing short of awful. Maybe this quarantine has a good side - I can finally finish writing this! As I write this at the end of March 2020, I have literally 90% of this review finished. I don’t know what held me back.

But here we go. My thoughts, discussions, and a generally unbiased review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker. Major spoilers ahead, obviously.

Many people continue to emphasise the fact that the Star Wars films that have been released under Disney are all horrible. Although I do agree to an extent, The Last Jedi did end up being one of my favourite Star Wars films, and the trilogy wasn’t all that bad. But, Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker surpassed my predictions in so many ways. It was hilarious, emotional, shocking, disappointing, and aggravating to the point where everything left me crying anyway. So what am I gonna do to cope? Write about it.

Straight off the bat, the most important point I will continue to emphasise for all my time - Finnpoe should’ve been canon. I will ALWAYS stand by this statement and there were numerous scenes that prove my point. They have such an incredibly tight bond and it continued to grow tighter throughout this film. Always having each other’s back no matter what, with such a deep-rooted connection. I wish they had kissed after the hug in the reunion at the end - it was perfect. I would also like to send out a special thank you to Mr. Oscar Isaac for genuinely speaking out about the injustice done towards finnpoe and overall LGBTQ+ representation. He was so incredibly vocal about how scared Disney is to have this happen, and how amazing and impactful it would have been if they were canon. John Boyega said a lot about finnpoe too during press, which made me incredibly happy to see such support from the actors. Not a lot of actors speak out against poor decisions made in their movies, which is why there’s almost no change for the good.

On the topic of ships that were done injustice, let’s talk about Reylo, shall we?

The topic of Rey and Ben as a couple is extremely controversial. Another reason it took a while for me to finish this review is because I’ve done a LOT of research for evidence from both sides of the argument. Due to the incest factor, I’ve looked into if Palpatine is 100% Anakin’s father, but everything I’ve found has been contradicted with another point, or just speculation. But it’s a very important topic, so I’m going to discuss it in a non-biased manner, and as if the incest of it all has not been confirmed or denied. Please do feel free to send over any sources, I’m always open to look at it and discuss! Because whether or not their bond is considered romantic, it’s intimate and has a deep meaning to it.

Okay, that being said: they deserved better. Ben did not deserve to die the moment he finally felt loved and finally made a decision that was his own. All his life he’s been nothing but tormented by Palpatine, been told what to do and always had such awful inner conflict. Rey saw that conflict, she chose to try her best to help through everything. You cannot excuse the fact that what Ben has done in his life has been awful, but what we can do is understand that the voice that’s been telling him to do all this hasn’t been himself. He took control, he fought (WITH A BLUE LIGHTSABER, HOLY SH*T) side by side with Rey. The moment they finally got to hold each other out of war, he smiled for the first time; and then he died. The whole point of this was to see him redeem himself, and although he did, death should not always equal redemption! His story was supposed to be different, he was supposed to live. They were supposed to have a happy ending. And after reading several conspiracies, I’m fully convinced that he was supposed to live. Ben Solo DESERVED to live and it is beyond me that they chose to end one of, if not the most important film saga in cinematic history by letting him die in the hands of his LITERAL soulmate. It’s painful, and traumatising for people to watch.

Not only was his death painful, it just didn’t make any sense! The whole point of this trilogy was that Rey and Ben were a dyad in the force, and it was shown through certain scenes from The Last Jedi, and verbally mentioned by both Ben and Palpatine.

“A dyad in the force. A power like life itself.” (Palpatine)

“We’re a dyad in the force; two that are one.” (Kylo Ren)

So why the hell did Ben die? They built up this bond and portrayed it for 3 fucking movies just to have Rey defeat Palpatine herself? This bond was supposed to bring balance to the force. Rey and Ben are literally two force-sensitive beings, who share the power of one, which is BY FAR the most complex and influential relationship between 2 individuals that could possibly exist in the galaxy and you’re telling me that they touched on this topic for 5 minutes at the end of the entire trilogy and then threw it all away by killing off Ben? Seriously?

They had the capability to defeat Palpatine TOGETHER, and that would have been one of the most acclaimed scenes in Star Wars history. The symbolism of a Jedi and the Supreme Leader of the First Order fighting side-by-side would’ve been the most ideal representation of balance in the force.

I’ve also heard several contradictions towards Reylo and how it’s an abusive pairing? As an abuse victim, I believe that these two were at war as the Resistance and the First Order. Did you expect them to hold hands in TFA and TLJ? Hopefully not. All the hurtful things they did were just out of spite towards each other, if anything. And I think this is where I’ll go on and disagree with the Reylo kiss. It just didn’t make sense! There was tension throughout the film and just because he became Ben Solo again, they’re suddenly in love? I don’t know, if they wanted the kiss to make sense, Kylo Ren should have become Ben Solo in TLJ, so TROS could have worked on their positive relationship. The kiss was purely fan service, and it clearly did not please people anyway.

Moving on, the idea of Palpatine returning is absolutely beyond me. What was the point of the celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi? What was the point of the entire last two trilogies if they were just going to bring him back for shock effect? What I can say though is that the shock effect did work, and that the climax of the film was BRILLIANT. I’m sorry, but the scene where his force lightning makes contact with all the resistance ships, the scene when Rey fights his lightning with two lightsabers (Ben should’ve been there, but anyway...), it was visually stunning and deserves only a bit of praise.

But Rey being a Palpatine is the most RIDICULOUS plot twist in Star Wars history. Not only was it a terrible attempt at shocking the crowd in a “No [Luke], I am your father” way, the whole point of Rey’s arc was that she is from nowhere. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE REY FROM NOWHERE. And now she’s Rey Palpatine. Force powers don’t have to be hereditary. Like she did the same mind-controlling thing that Obi-Wan did at one point so why couldn’t she have been a Kenobi? They showed her letting out force lightening so they could justify her bloodline, and I think this is one of the most severe flaws of the film.

The sidelining of Rose was so disappointing to me. Not only of Rose, Finn too. JJ Abrams literally confirmed that we were going to get Finn’s backstory and we never ended up getting it. All we got was him yelling Rey’s name another 40 times. And, the one person’s story which we got, aka Poe, turned out to be a drug dealer. They made a Hispanic man a drug dealer. I will never, ever forgive them for doing all of this.

Another problem was of how rushed this entire film was. An incredible amount of information to put in a 2 and 1/2 hour film, and it wasn’t done all that well. Just when the audience had genuinely believed that Chewie had died, we see that he’s alive. If you’re gonna do a death-scare, make it believable? 3PO getting his memory wiped but then getting it back from R2 was rushed as well; what was the point of the whole emotional “Taking one last look sir, at my friends” if he was just going to get his memory back anyway? Overdramatic AND unnecessary. Once again circling back to Reylo; they started off the film indicating no signs of romantic tensions but they ended up kissing at the end? You could pull the enemies-to-lovers card on this, which would make sense to an extent but also could not justify how rushed their romance was. I wouldn’t say that such twists in the film weren’t interesting, but if they carried out the concept to a point where it made sense, it would have been better. This was just unnecessary and ruined the film even more.

Back to Finnpoe once again; the idea that they were each given a heterosexual partner in this film AFTER all the hype and the shipping was done, is queerbaiting at its finest. Maybe that’s not the right word, but it’s something shitty. Jannah and Zorii had a lot of potential as their individual characters but were reduced to love interests because Disney is homophobic and it really, really is disgusting to me.

Since when does the Force do all these things. Resurrecting people? Being dead and still being able to force lift things? Not to say that such powers couldn’t have been discovered by each individual, but to have brought them into the film as a plot device rather than a power each respective character has developed during their arc, is once again, unnecessary.

After the release, the fans got all but concept art and excerpts of the film, and what COULD have been. Explanations of what was trying to be conveyed in the film. If you are forced to explain the film you have just released through interviews, it sucked. There’s a saying that as a filmmaker, you must “trust your audience”. Abrams trusted his audience, and all we could see were the flaws and missing details.

Generally, several flaws of this film spawned out of the petty film-feud between JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson. What Johnson tried to do in The Last Jedi was outstanding, and was a very unique concept compared to other Star Wars films. Sure, it had flaws, but a Star Wars film is not a Star Wars film without plot-holes and shitshows. But what Abrams attempted in The Rise Of Skywalker was to contradict almost everything in the previous film. The Force Awakens was outstanding, don’t get me wrong, so I couldn’t really say that Abrams isn’t good for Star Wars. But the two directors’ creative differences should NOT have gotten in the way of telling a good story. This trilogy had potential, and this film was beyond important for millions of fans of all ages.

Adam Driver’s performance was brilliant. It’s upsetting that he didn’t even get much to say in the 3rd act other than “Ow” but he managed to do so well even without dialogue. He didn’t even have to speak to show the true transition between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, you could see it through the tenderness of the emotions portrayed by Driver overtime.

It’s upsetting that Domhnall Gleeson didn’t get half as much screentime as he did in The Last Jedi, and the way they finished General Hux’s character arc was honestly pathetic. For a character with such antagonism to be reduced to a plot device that dies like THAT? Regardless, still an amazing performance by Gleeson as per usual.

John Boyega and Oscar Isaac continue to be my favourite people ever. Their characters deserve so much better and I am GLAD that John is speaking his mind on social media, regardless of the... aftermath of it.

If I talk about the way that Han and Leia deserved better, I will not stop talking. Just know that is a point I want to get across. And, Rest in Peace Carrie Fisher. We love and miss you tremendously and it hurts me to know that had you been around, you would not have let this film be so awful.

To conclude this extremely lengthy and overdramatic review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker, I would like to push aside the numerous flaws of this film and try my best to look at the bright side of the disaster. The rainbow after the storm. Whatever.

I believe that this film was really good if you disconnect it from the rest of the franchise. For round 3 of this film in theatres, I went with a friend who had only seen The Force Awakens and about half of The Last Jedi; and she loved it. It’s definitely not a clear judgement, but I tried to look at her perspective and I got it. Disconnect the story, the expectations, and the background of each character which inevitably leads to expectations of the end of their character arc. It’s difficult, and honestly stupid to look at it like this, but as someone who just wants to smile during a film; I think there’s no fun in hate. Most of the effects in this film were gorgeous (let’s forget force ghost Luke). Take that, the larger-than-life scale of events, the emotions, the impeccable score, I believe it to be nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece. I’ll take the tomatoes you throw at me because I have to admit, watching this film in theatre was an experience I’d love to have again. I cheered my ass off when Ben pulled out the blue lightsaber in the climax.

I don’t think I could ever be a real film critic solely because I will always find some way to enjoy the film no matter how awful it is.

As usual, honorary mention to the phenomenal score that is present in every Star Wars films. Hats off to John Williams, thank you for making the audience cry for 40+ years. We love you!

It’s 5:45am as I’m finishing this off and as a side note, since I’m overly-emotional, I’d like to say something. The hatred and conflict created by The Rise Of Skywalker has blinded us of our true love for what Star Wars once was. Star Wars is a film saga about hope, love, faith, and the way (almost) every film has managed to convey it, always brings tears to my eyes. It upsets me to see it, and I hope that everyone slowly grasps back onto their once-love for Star Wars.

May the force be with you.

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: My Hero Academica

If there’s something I needed in my Anime Repertoire, it was a fun, pulpy Shonen Series.

I have selected My Hero Academia because frog girl.

Tsuyu Asui and the various tumblr posts she spawned is what drew my attention, and I was hearing good things about the series, so I thought I’d give it a go. Plus I’m catching it in the early stages, so there’s not too much of an archive to panic over. It’s a good time to get in.

I’m not one for long runners, since I enjoy definite start and end points.[1] Media designed to just go on forever, stuffed with filler and formula is a quick eject for me. And I’ve never been one for fighty man Shounen.

I couldn’t get into Dragon Ball Z, because I only caught brief segments, and those segments were the parts with Goku floating there staring down his enemy. Or Buu turning someone into a cookie and eating them. Contextless nonsense that was very unappealing.[2]

Naruto began it’s dubbed broadcast as I entered Middle School. However, those were troubled times of much grounding due to academic indifference, and I couldn’t be bothered to monitor the broadcast schedule. So I fell off the Naruto train… basically after the second episode.

I didn’t care about pirates enough to try One Piece, and Bleach seemingly left no cultural weight to enter the equation.[3]

However, these reviews are nothing if not a bizarre justification for making up for my misspent youth. Because yearning for the nostalgic past is what adulthood is for.

And I finally committed to Funimation’s streaming service, so, yay! More dubs for Canvas![4] Which leaves only the Viz stable to have difficulties with.

So… why does My Hero Academia succeed where it’s predecessors fail?

Likeable cast, mostly. While other self-perpetuating shonens have large casts with various interesting gimmicks, usually only one or two will resonate with the viewer, and there’s often little by way of character complexity or arcs.

Meanwhile, MHA has a cast that, oddly, are mostly characterized by positivity. There’s one or two grumpy loners, sure, but they’re handled with an almost parody tone, and the rest are actually nice kids you can appreciate.

And our protagonist, Deku, is notable for not being uniquely special. At the outset, he’s in the minority of people without powers. He eventually gains some, a decision I’m… conflicted on, but he gets superpowers by earning them.

Deku’s a tenacious fanboy, particularly idolizing the biggest hero in the world, wanting to follow the man’s example. However, as he doesn’t have a gift, he’s seemingly incapable of reaching that point.

Our hero takes this in stride, instead dedicating his attention to analyzing heroes and their methods. He’s a very clever and intelligent protagonist, and considering he’s following the trail of Naruto and freaking Goku, that defining trait is a refreshing departure.

Then he earns his chance at his dreams by being undeniably heroic despite being a squib.

Now there are obviously two sides to Deku inheriting All Might’s power:

One one hand, we miss the story of a muggle climbing his way up the ranks through sheer willpower and analysis.

But, with him getting All Might’s power, we instead see a young boy struggle with a power well beyond his control and capabilities.

While I’d prefer the Rock Lee route, the physical struggle of Deku literally destroying himself with every use of One for All, and the ramifications (risk of permanent damage and Deku needing to use it strategically) is a compelling narrative thrust in its own right, so I can’t complain too much.

The duality of All Might is an interesting sight to behold. In full hero mode, he’s nothing if not positive and encouraging. Outside of that persona, All Might is a little pessimistic and grumpy, but he still has a clear streak of good that’s never suppressed, even when he’s feeling sick.

It would’ve been easy and in line with established tropes to make All Might a lazy and harsh task master, but even when sending Deku through an excessively intense training regiment, All Might’s encouraging and positive, pushing Deku not for his selfish purposes, but because he honestly believes in Deku.

Then, after Deku goes above and beyond the task All Might set (clear out a stretch of beach), All Might tells his student to eat a strand of his hair, which is precisely the sort of thing I make jokes about when watching television.[5]

The even more amazing thing is that this positivity isn’t exclusive to All Might. The entire hero cast are positive and supportive people. Besides Bakugo, who’s the childhood friend turned rival character, no one specifically puts down anyone else. Every challenge and lesson has the whole of Class 1-A cheering each other on.

Even during the admission trials, where they’re literally competing against one another, you never see any character go out of their way to sabotage another.

Normally, it’s so easy to make the main character a total reject, give them a whole community of opposition and conflict. So it’s refreshing that everyone who wants to be a hero is a positive person.

It’s the same reason so many people gush over pages featuring Batman offering sympathy to others instead of punches. We want our heroes to be the best example of humanity, something to aspire to be.

Which is the exact philosophy that brings All Might to take Deku under his wing.

Then Bakugo, who’s introduced as a violent bully, wanting to believe heroics is his birthright, becomes mocked for being such a hothead. He’s got a powerful quirk, was number one for the admission test, but the rest of the class silently agree that they don’t wish to abide by his attitude. And it’s not even bullying Bakugo, but more gentle mocking and pushback against his egocentrism and violence.

Because the class are still children, but their nature shows a preference toward acceptance and teamwork, and an openness for redemption.  The class’s treatment of Bakugo is negativity towards his current actions, not the kid himself.

UA is structured to be a competitive environment, a whetstone to hone the next generation of heroes. You have to compete in a trial to get into the programs, teachers can expel whole classes, and you can lose your spot in class to someone in a ‘lesser’ course. However, even when the cast are explicitly telling one another they’re gunning for each other, it’s usually with a tone of ‘nothing personal, it’s just the situation,’ and there’s no hard feelings. No one resents anyone else, really, and there’s no hesitation to work together when the situation calls for it.

Which is important because this is a show for children, and it’s showing, by example, that intent and actions are a better defining trait than raw ability or natural born talent.

A lot of the quirks are explicitly underwhelming. Class 1-A runs the gamut between making explosions, nullifying gravity, sticky balls, being invisible, and having a tail, with various and unequal limitations. It’s not what you have that makes you good or evil, it’s what you do with it.

To further cement this, One for All is absurdly powerful, and after a training montage, Deku’s given a portion of the quirk. And that portion is so strong, so powerful, that even with the preparation All Might put him through, using it still physically breaks Deku.

Which means, while most Shonens are about the protagonist becoming stronger, working their way to being the best there is, Deku literally gets handed that strength in episode 4.  So, instead of growing powerful, Deku has to learn restraint and self control when using One for All.

Because being a hero isn’t about being better than everyone else, it’s about using what you have effectively to make the world around you a better place, with both physical abilities and personality.

Deku has the right personality and philosophy, he needs to learn how to use his power.

Bakugo knows how to use his power, but he doesn’t quite have the needed interpersonal skills or humility.

Thus why the two are the rivals.

The actual arcs do a good job of tracing old structures while also bringing in its own twists.

There is, of course, the introductory arc, where we’re introduced to the protagonist whose dream seems impossible to him, until a mentor figure steps in and grants him the one thing needed to proceed (A quirk for Deku, headwear for Naruto and Luffy). Then he meets his crush and turns a few low-grade rivals into allies (like you do) as he begins the journey to become the best… hero/ninja/pirate/grim reaper?[6]

Deku takes the entrance examine, which he technically failed, but he put in such a good effort that he was given bonus points so he could enroll at UA anyways.

Then we get a nice mix of Slice of Life and implied opposition from a mentor figure, who turns out to have been performing a secret test of character.

Next, the main cast is given their first field mission, which suddenly becomes a lot more serious than expected.

Which brings us to the end of the first season.

So, a quality that I find takes a series from good to great is its approach to balancing drama and comedy: namely, no one’s truly exempt from either. Naruto had shades of it, Fullmetal Alchemist did it to the hilt. Sometimes it’s well set-up jokes, sometimes it’s just goofy character designs.[7]

Class 1-A is filled with goofballs, and even though they serious up when a horde of villains crash their first rescue training mission, their personalities are able to leak a good amount of comedy where needed.

Then the entirety of the second season is dedicated to the required tournament arc. Which… okay, time for Canvas to zone out, right?

Well, no. Because My Hero Academia is pretty good at both dynamic combat and interesting situations. Further, the previous season already did a good job of establishing people’s powers, so there’s space to split the focus between showing fine details and solid character work.

UA’s tournament is actually a broadcasted sports festival, so the competition starts with a obstacle course, which revels in all the slapstick potential inherent. Deku also wins it by looking at the mine field that is the final obstacle, and says ‘Nah. I can use this.’

Good for our hero!

Then, the second event is a cavalry battle,[8] where Deku’s reward for winning the first event is getting a 10 million point bounty on his head. It’s so unfair it turns to the realm of parody. Which I’m all about.

The second event is thus a showcase of Quirk Synergy, more of Deku’s strategy and resulting counter strategies, and more slapstick. So that’s nice.

Since Deku soundly won the first round, our protagonist is getting diminishing returns for the rest of the arc.

The third event is straight up tournament battles, but with most of the cast already eliminated, so that saves time, and the show only really focuses on the big events, split between the second half of one episode and the first of another. Between those, there are match ups that are just squashes[9] and comedy.

The final winner is then Hannibal Lecter’d on the podium in a great mix of character drama (he didn’t like the way he won) and comedy (because the final winner has to be actively restrained and muzzled. That’s just silly!)

Then the cast picks out their codenames.

Which pretty much brings us even to where the dub’s gotten.

I’m having a good time with the show, and I look forward to more episodes. It’s going to be interesting to follow an anime episode by episode instead of marathoning the whole thing through. Let’s see if I can keep my sanity.

Kataal kataal.

[1] There are exceptions, mostly in the form of webcomics and Discworld. [2] Dragon Ball, meanwhile, had a youthful energy that drew me in. But it also aired infrequently so I never got totally invested. [3] Okay, I had a high school friend who was interested, much to the annoyance of another high school friend, who had a weak understanding of difference in media interests. [4] You had your chance Crunchyroll! [5] Seriously, ask Vulpin, it’s exactly my humor. [6] Again, never got into Bleach. [7] Depowered All-Might looks like a muppet. [8] A sport I’ve only seen in the context of anime, but should totally be more common. [9] Following a wrestling podcast may be helping me appreciate some of the meta-aspects of fight scenes.