#just some theory of mine i guess
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He misses her
#cuphead#lil lucifer au#gabriel#mugman#mugman x gabriel#cuphead and his pal mugman#casinocups#casino cups#casino cups au#lil lucifer au gabriel#legendary chalice#ms chalice#i was struggling shitting and tearing up while making this#just some theory of mine i guess#cddwtd
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Me doing the mental math to place together how this can explain Akutagawa being still alive
#fyodor dostoevsky#ryūnosuke akutagawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd ch 115#bsd memes#mine#Okay one guess is that Bram in his last moments transferred some of his powers to Akutagawa / allowed him to have control again /#did whatever to bring Akutagawa back#That or Atsushi's blood. That theory feels very strong given the tiger stripes from the concept arts#And... I've been rooting for Akutagawa drinking Atsushi's blood to have a meaning in the plot for... Forever.........#It'd be just. So terribly romantic I don't care I want it to be true#I HATE posting from mobile. This sucks
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Dan Da Dan mangaka is a homestuck fan
My partner was looking up the Dandadan manga just for fun or whatever and sent the magazine/book page that looks a bit different in the anime and immediately I felt an eerie sense of familiarity...
Obama going into space on a special mission remind anyone else of a certain piece of media?
At first I was like surely Dandandan has been out for some time before getting an anime adaptation; so, it's probably just coincidence... right?
Oh how wrong I was... truly, we can never escape it. We cannot fight the Homestuck.
#watch there be some super obscure homestuck fanart that the mangaka made in like 2015 or something too probably#can't even escape hs fandom when I'm looking at dandadan or dan da dan however you wanna write it#I'm not actually complaining I just think it's a neat coincidence I actually rather like homestuck yes even the epilogues and beyond canon#mangaka is a homestuck fan that's my new harmless conspiracy theory now#whats with obama and going into space in these 2 pieces of media absolutely wild if just a coincidence#it's surprising how fast this manga started getting adapted into an anime tbh but I guess that's the pace of things these days#mine#op#homestuck epilogues#homestuck epilogue#dandadan#dan da dan#homestuck
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so i grew up pretty poor. like we'd be looking in the couch cushions for change in order to buy groceries poor. and one day my dad explained something to me, and looking back, it's probably the first thing that radicalized me
i think i was about 8 and he was driving us somewhere, and he explained the concept of "rich people spend less money, because they can afford to buy something nicer that lasts longer. poor people like us have to buy worse things that don't last as long and we need to buy it again. over time, the poor person spends more money, and that's why the poor stay poor." yes, he did use boots for the metaphor.
over the years I've seen that referenced. ive seen comics of it and people explaining the metaphor. maybe the first time i saw it i was a little surprised, but I don't think i ever assumed my dad had made it up. i think something he prefaced the analogy with implied he'd heard it somewhere else.
today was the day i learned it was from discworld. god i need to read those fuckin books
#vime's boot theory#the boot theory#discworld#i mean it's known that it's from it. i couldve looked it up. i just never bothered#i guess i always assumed it was just some addage#mine
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ideal ggy reveal for me right now is some sort of game whatever format theyd use (for example sb vs hw is very different storytelling) about vanny killing dr rabbit and it leads up to the beginning of sb at the end
#like more vanny shows rab in a game therefore making ggy canon for sure explains why gregory was in the pizzaplex#would show one of the stepping stones vanny took to get to glitchtrap to kill him like she killed rab#it just makes sense to me#also works for vanny cassie#since rab will be no threat since hes dead so vanny has the spotlight#and gregory with his connection to cassie feels guilt over letting the same thing that happned to him and his family happen to her#so now he feels responsible to help her#leading to a game with gregory protag and vanessa and freddy co-protag/guides#im just explaining the secret little future fnaf game storyline im hoping for in my head#i just feel like if vanny cassie is real#which it RLLY seems like it is after hw2#revealing ggy before some sort of action would be taken would mean a lot#for gregory and cassies relationship#he would uave been in her boat and feel guilt for not being fast enough to save her from tbe same fate#i know vanessa would work better because she was vanny but she has no connection or friendship with cassie like gregory does#and it gives ggy some importance too#that is kinda more to serve the cassie plot than to make ggy more important or overshadowing vanny#not that ggy could overshadow vanny if vanny cassie is happening lol#pandas.txt#thoughts#theory#kinda#im just being hopeful#by hw2s dlc things will be so different#its so impossible to guess whatll happen in a fnaf game#and what will change#superstar duo#ggy#this is ALSO heavily based on a theory of mine that vanny killed rab @ the beginning of sb and thats why greg was at the pizzaplex#and how he got freed and why rab is nowhere to be found
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happy arlington n1!! it’s that time again….please reblog or reply with your surprise song guesses 🥰 my guesses are sparks fly and maroon
#saw a tiktok theory about how each pair of songs has some sort of underlying connection#but i’m honestly too lazy to try and investigate like that#so i will continue to just manifest through my guesses#taylor swift#mine#surprise song game#SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO HAUNTED I VERY MUCH GUESSED HER AND BACKSPACED#the issue is that haunted and maroon are both piano songs. so i had to change gears#and if that girl’s theory was true you may think red and maroon will be the same night however i think taylor likes the red/daylight agenda#and as she should!#one night we will get red on guitar daylight on piano i see the vision
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now that nimona's trending my basic bitch post is getting notes again. i am ashamed.
"my favorite genre of media is gay people versus the system™" babygirl that's literally the whole site. say something ground breaking. say you hate twinks or SOMETHING.
#i do not hate twinks#i just dont like that it was the first post of mine to break 100 notes#or like 900 notes#its my second most popular post#its so unbelievably basic#give my tmapg theories some love please#fen spams#nimona#i guess
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// venting weird fandom feelings
I feel like I must be the only person who gets stressed af when I see someone else post their headcanons/theories for something i already have a lot of headcanons/theories about. Like, “oh shit someone else already did it now I can’t :(. If I post mine I’m stomping on their turf” or like I feel like mine are now wrong because clearly this person knows more about the topic than me or knows something I don’t. Which is wild because I should be excited when I see people who like the same things I do, but instead I feel weirdly territorial. I just have an odd inferiority complex about it
#honestly headcanons and theories for tes are fun to come up with#but stress me out in ways no other fandom ever has#it’s just so damn lore heavy that I always worry I’m gonna look like an idiot because I’ll post something that contradicts some random#book that shows up in a library in eso#mine#vent#kinda#I just get anxious about everything so there’s that#for awhile ive been like 'ok well i doubt theres anyone else you knows a lot about the niche my degree is in so i could apply that to tes'#but nope i just saw someone who posts about that so now my brain has barred me from ever posting about it#oh well i guess#which is why most of my art will be silly or light hearted becasue im too scared to post my actual thoughts about anything
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I can't remember how to journal
#mine#this is a lie. I recall perfectly. I just can't start.#I rly want to but instead I'm fucking blogging#years ago I was comfortable w this as my journal but now I've got weird feelings abt airing my family's dirty laundry for an audience#not sure why that is tbh#I guess as a kid I was desperate for anyone to believe me that what was happening wasn't okay#but now that I'm older. .. I guess I have some sympathy for the complexity of the situations#it still wasn't right but it's just not as easily villifiable now yanno#which sucks bc I don't want to care about that kind of thing but I've internalised too much philosophy or theory or something#fuck that#lem experiences cognitive behavioural torture
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being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc
however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters
#in a way i'm really glad there's no celceta fans. i don't think i could take meeting another person who knows the game#building your house out of donuts and all that#same with zestiria i'm very glad there's no one around to tell me how ooc sorey is in my mind palace or any of that#but god it would be nice to have a friend to bounce ideas off of once in a while. get some positive reinforcement in this echo chamber#of mine#altho the thing is i don't really have these kinds of elaborate aus and stories and headcanons for stuff with an actual fandom.#i love psychonauts with all my heart but the simple fact that there are other people who enjoy it just makes me feel shyer or smth#like i know that these people have played the games a million times more than i have and are a million times more obsessed with the charact#characters than i am so why should i bother developing my own headcanons abt these characters when there are people out there who do it muc#much better than i ever could. so why bother at all you know#that's why i tend to be a passive enjoyer of most things i care about on here#i'm not out here giving complex and unique takes on psychonauts or mario plots or characters#i'm just gonna enjoy what's presented to me by people who are cooler than me#and when i do have original thoughts it's only gonna be about stuff nobody else gives a flying fuck about. like tales or ys or tok#which is kind of sad! i'm not gonna lie!#but i guess i do this to myself huh. if i managed to find an ys fan they'd probably scare me out of my own theories#idk man. theres not really a solution is there#wyvern rambles
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new idea (not a theory because... I don't wanna dig up lore evidence for this):
teyvat is a bubble on the water (yes, like that one line scaramouche says to traveler in inazuma). as in, the firmament is still there -- we all know the firmament theory by this point -- so yes the dome shape, and the borders of that dome are the bubble's surface. not, like, a "bubble universe" -- I mean a literal bubble. "suface tension in the water" bubble. so beyond (beneath) teyvat would be some kind of deep water. the abyss is like a sea, I guess? and by this I really do just mean the abyss, not the other underground places like enkanomiya, irminsul, khaenri'ah, etc.
paimon is afraid of drowning and we did fish her out of the sea east of mondstadt...
also. this isn't evidence but more like. an illustration. the summer event with klee this year, we basically went into a projected world, right? there was this whole mechanic with hydro eidolons, preprints, streaming projections. and in the mary ann quest in fontaine, we also have oceanids recreating stories and a whole world for it too. so it's not really that far-fetched to think that a world can be a projection, and such projections are associated with hydro. illusions (and dreams) in genshin are usually associated with hydro.
so now consider: teyvat is not just a bubble, but a projected world inside a bubble. a hologram out of some kind of blueprint.
and maybe this is why mona is using hydromancy to seek the truth of the world. when she looks at the stars, she's looking at the bubble's surface. we also got to scry with water in enkanomiya to deal with illusions iirc. it's a whole thing. (yes I know there's a high chance mona is actually a star/outsider of teyvat, that's not important here. she doesn't seem to remember that, or at least, she acts like it.)
tangent: alice said that the borders are getting fragile. since she watches over the border, I want her to be a hydro user. either that, or barbeloth is one, since she's mona's master.
#mine musings#liveblogging genshin#yes i am introducing hologram theory into genshin#i also have a separate idea (again not a theory bc i'm not gathering evidence to support it) that#visions are recycled destinies. fates assigned to someone through different cycles#which is why some visions can have multiple owners (e.g. ninnguang kazuha mona)#so pairing it with this idea: what if. those visions are the blueprint for the hologram that is teyvat#and there's this whole cycle of birth and destruction of civilizations right#it's just repeating things over and over#destinies are recycled. irminsul is the supercomputer that gets restarted every now and then and boots up the same blueprint. etc etc#of course little things change and can have big effects in the future#and any descenders who make waves in history will change that blueprint#because they're not fulfilling a particular destiny from the blueprint but making their own#it's like. visions as a way to control the story and give everyone a role to play#and then someone from the audience steps into the stage and starts doing improv#so they have to close the curtains and start the play all over again. new actors same script#they hire the audience member and give them a role so they don't make too much of a mess (equivalent to getting logged into irminsul)#so new play. but then another audience member stumbles into the stage and does improv#rinse and repeat#anyway yeah. again not like. a solid legit theory#i guess it's more like. a what if?
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*realizes I haven’t done any of my summer project goals* ahhh fuck I was too busy organizing social events and relocating workplaces and attempting (again) to get my drivers license. instead of following my distant dreams. skill issue
#i guess i got hit with some of the worst familial shit ive been through in years. is that also a skill issue#the most productive i get wrt personal projects is like. intermittent or during the brief summer art class#which yeah that was the only reason it was even remotely helpful. i carved out time to paint but everyone was like ‘wow you basically don’t#even need the teacher’s help’ ya i don’t and why is this class expensive 😭😭 i could be painting at home but it’s hard motivating myself#which is why i prefer classes & why i say i miss school. otherwise im too busy making sandwiches or reading theory and shit 😑#i should find like. painting groups that don’t charge and just let you hang around. or just paint somewhere where ppl will leave me alone#i want to do more aaaart it was literally a goal of mine to either work on that IAAC animation or make comics for comic fest next year#BRO WHAT ARE YOU DOING RN.
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Also YES I have been thinking about fungi. If you haven’t noticed I’ve been operating under the fundamental theory that, be they of earth or any other planet, cells are fundamentally similar, and the concept of eukaryotic life continues to apply. Why? Because I do not wish to lose myself in the world of microbiology. I have paid my time. I will not be going back.
(Also for the general “Spock is a mammal” consideration.)
So anyway I’m also working in the three general kingdoms of eukaryotic life. That’s not even how it works on earth, but it’s a simplification everyone seems happy enough with.
#mine#at this point I’m just running in circles#I’m trying to distract myself#I am very thirsty#Spock biology quest#anywya#I guess we can work with the founding theory that all planets have the same fundamental divisions of life#Urgh someone remind me to go on memory beta also#I default to memory alpha because I generally don’t see the need to consider things I haven’t interacted with#but I want some more canon-type life to help me work out these trees
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Digital Circus AMA Notes
Digital Circus is getting a season 1 at some point!!!!
#webcore aesthetic board for the series design
Pomni was going to be a frog originally. 🐸
90s toys Zooble inspo
Caine is an antagonist, but not by active choice, he doesn't know he's not helping. He doesn't feel a whole spectrum of human emotions (he's an AI).
"Caine canonically just lets things happen if he thinks it's funny."
Characters eat like Chao in Chao garden in Sonic. The characters can eat the food, but they can't digest it.
Jax's favorite food is spaghetti.
Pomni likes salmon.
Q "Was the ending a 'Last Supper' reference?" A "in a very superficial kinda way yeah." Religious stuff is sometimes just used for the funny.
Gooseworx tumblr sketches MAY or MAY NOT be canon to the series, so it's up in the air for every single one.
People can abstract from feeling too much pain if it breaks their mind from it being too much. Characters feel pain from things, but not as intensely as they would in real life.
Zooble is gonna swap parts every episode (implying they have spare parts) except their body & head.
Jax chose his own name & gooseworx likes to think he chose Gangle's name.
Ragatha was named "Emmy" originally.
They (the cast of characters trapped in the circus) can't change their clothes but Caine can. It's part of their skin sorta kinda.
There's empty space under Pomni's hat because video game model physics.
Spamton was partially inspo for Caine, Caine's VA did Spamton dubs.
Gangle only has 2 masks. Why's it (her hapiness mask) break all the time? Mental state, but the "real her" is "harder to break."
Kaumfo was gonna be part of the main cast originally before Jax.
Kaufmo's model has nothing below the waist at this time, but was made for that promotional image on twitter.
Q "What kinda person was Kaufmo?" A "He was the same as Ragatha in a sense, goofy & cheery, sometimes toxic levels of positivity."
I'm paraphrasing for the sake of note taking in real time, go watch the stream playback for more context & details if you want.
#these are all from GLITCHX 2023 on the glitch productions youtube channel btw#for anyone curious as to where I got the screenshots & details#theory crafters pop off with this#someone else can reblog this with time stamps if you want I'm pretty tired#I'm not going back through that stream right now; I'm sure someone else will put timestamps in the comments maybe#but yeah consider the amazing digital circus officially greenlit for a first season I guess! :D#tadc season 1 eventually baybeee!!#I'm hyped! I wonder if the pilot will remain canon into season 1 or if we'll get a new introduction into the series.#Wonder why Jax called Gangle... well Gangle 👀 maybe he just thought it sounded silly or something i'm curious as to what gooseworx thought#Caine's AI really thought Pomni running around looking for him & Kaufmo abstracted in his room was funny 😐 or his AI is glitchy#(we saw him glitching out already in the pilot) alternatively I think Bubble could be distracting Caine on purpose but idk just yet#imagine how much pain Ragatha was in since they can all actually feel that though like being body slammed & thrown against walls & stuff 😬#also excited to see some Gangle-centric content in the future based on that comment about the 'real her' 👀#Kaufmo would probably make jokes at really dark moments when it wasn't appropriate because that was a coping mechanism for him poor guy 😭#mine#op#the amazing digital circus#tadc
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a reflection on MatPat's plagiarism
Hello, my name is Della, or micer2012, and 2 years ago Game Theory plagiarized three Tumblr posts of mine, making a video that now holds almost 6 million views.
My posts explaining his plagiarism made their rounds on Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter, but despite the Hermits and Pooka commenting on it (generally in support of me or saying they don’t know enough details about the situation to say either way), MatPat and his team have never owned up to anything, and no mention of my name is present on the video. The one Reddit post they made denying it (which was made before my detailed takedown, which they have never responded to (though the mods on the r/GameTheorists Reddit were kind and made sure it stayed up)) didn’t even mention me by name, just referring to me as “a tumblr user”. (Though one of the screenshotted comments in the body of the post does say my name)
This experience was baffling, but it’s overall had a positive impact on my life. r/Hermitcraft gave me a Golden Apple Award (post of the year, 2021). My inbox was filled with excited fans, wanting to ask me questions or pose their own theories, far more than the hate I got. (Though the hate I got from Game Theory fans was VERY funny. I wondered why none of them gave me shit about saying “MatPat misgendered Evil Xisuma” before realizing none of them read that far into the post.)
And getting on a more personal, and much more important note, I met most of my current online friends through this, including my partner. It helped me grow closer with my irl friends as well and gave me an entertaining story that I tell whenever I have the chance. It was one of the first things in my life that really made me feel like my talents, my autistic hyperfocusing and analyzing of things I love, could be valuable. Useful. Exploitable. It blew my mind that MatPat thought an autistic kid’s ramblings about a Minecraft Youtube joke character were good enough to steal. To put an audible sponsorship on. To get 6 million views off of.
And that’s why I’m writing this post, this update years later. As you might’ve been able to guess, Hbomberguy’s Youtube video on plagiarism reopened this wound. It was really hard for me to sit through, it took days of pausing and taking breaks, because I had experienced everything he was talking about firsthand.
In my 10 page long takedown post, I wrote about how his rewording of my sentences made him say things that were incorrect, just like Filip did. The content farm production style that made big companies like Cinemassacre take one creator (AVGN/MatPat) and turn him and his content into a brand, a voice that reads out scripts by other people with other opinions/theories, is a history shared with Game Theory. What really hit me was Harris talking about how big creators only do this to people they think they can get away with doing it to. How they view their victims as lesser, as not deserving of their words, repackaging them as their own to give to an audience that can gain from hearing them, but deserves better than to have to listen to the original victim.
That’s the thing, I 100% think a video version of my theory to expose to a bigger community than “Evil Xisuma Fans on Tumblr” is a great idea!! Near the end of the video Harris talks about how video adaptations of things could be a great market, even an accessibility tool, and I completely feel that about my posts. I wrote them quickly assuming the reader was someone well versed on Evil Xisuma lore, after not even watching most of the CarnEvil series, and the diagrams I made to explain them are even less comprehensible. Harris makes a joke that I completely agree with,
“I’m sure some of my videos would do very well if someone translated them into English.”
I don’t think I would’ve ever made my posts if I didn’t have autism, and a special fixation on Evil Xisuma and Hermitcraft. I made them because I felt the character was being done an injustice, and because I wanted to share with other superfans this theory that might explain it away. I do think that MatPat plagiarizing me was ableist. I used to wonder a lot if this would’ve happened if my posts were articulated better, if they had been peer reviewed, if the posts themselves had been spread to a wider audience before MatPat made his video. At one point when the discourse was fresh (before I had the time to write out my 10 page rebuttal), a bigger YouTuber (100k subs at the time) messaged me and started talking on Discord, interested in possibly making a video on the discourse, but I think my style of typing and general enthusiasm drove him away. You can tell by a single look at my blog (or my original 3 posts!) that I don’t usually type like this. This post you’re reading now has been peer reviewed and edited, and took me hours to format correctly. That video could’ve been huge, the entire outcome of this MatPat situation would probably be much different.
I also used to stress a lot about “being the one who ruined Evil Xisuma’s story”. If you didn’t know, to me S8 Evil Xisuma’s story got wrapped up pretty quickly and unsatisfying (in my personal autistic opinion). (though this might’ve been due to s8 being experimental and ending early with moon big) There was no real culmination of the plot points and arcs going on, and I don’t want to blame myself, but when Xisuma said on stream (when the MatPat thing was first going on) that he didn’t want to focus on the discourse or draw more attention to it, it makes a lot of sense to me that he just wanted to wrap it all up as quickly as possible. For a while I beat myself up about it, of ruining the story of this character I love, but it’s not my fault. If anyone’s, it’s MatPats, but I don’t think it’s useful to just blame someone else. That’s how the story ended up going, and that’s fine. This is Evil Xisuma we’re talking about, their inconsistent lore is what made them such an interesting character. And notably, Pooka made an animation with an awesome culmination of Jeff, the Dreamer, Evil Xisuma, and his own sona’s story, and it makes me so happy to watch. Whatever Pooka does is of course his own choice, but I’m glad he got to give this personal story his own ending (if it is an ending, and not just the start of a new chapter!).
Typing this all out and getting it off my chest has made me feel a lot better. For a while I wanted to make my OWN video essay about Evil Xisuma’s lore and CarnEvil’s lore, actually going episode by episode to explain it instead of just assuming you knew as much about Evil Xisuma as I did. That idea is still not off the table, but MCYT isn’t something I’m that into right now. Maybe if something else comes out about Evil Xisuma I’ll get back on it, but for now I’m fine with letting that go. But I want to make other videos, share other theories and analysis… if I have the freetime I’d love to make YouTube videos, and if I don’t have the time I’ll continue posting to my tumblr and infodumping to my friends. Apparently my infodumping is valuable enough “content” to steal! Writing this out has made me feel a lot better though, I’m really glad I got it out.
If anyone ever wants to talk to me about the things I’m obsessed with, or reach out to me as a source in a bigger discussion about Game Theory or other channels, my inbox is more than welcome :] Thank you for reading!
Sincerely, a tumblr user.
#exiavojtmmc#hermitcraft#matpat#gt#game theory#hc#mcyt#evil xisuma#hbomberguy#plagiarism#james somerton#jeff the minion#mine#micer2012#hcs9
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update they messaged me to say they felt I had been very hostile to them the last 2 times they saw me (almost fair - I was very hostile to them 2/3 of the last 3 times I saw them) and "can we address this?"
so I said "no, not really" and they said "well do you know why" and I said "yes, but I don't think I can productively have that conversation with you so I'm not going to." and they haven't messaged since.
suuuucccessss????
there is a person in my life who I Do Not Like Being Around. they trigger all sorts of shit for me that makes me extremely irritable, defensive, tense, reactive, snappy, etc. I think it would be fair to say I hate them in that I see or hear about them and I'm already mentally squaring up.
(and that is an unusual experience for me. I am a dyed-in-the-wool hater of THINGS but I find it fairly difficult to maintain a lot of distaste and anger towards PEOPLE)
but the problem is.
a) I am conscious that I am not behaving rationally. I do not like the person I am around them.
and
b) I canNOT fucking get away from them. they are in basically all my social spaces, and every time I get involved in organising they're there trying to Be In Charge In A Non-Hierarchical Way. They're my best friends' best friend. They're my ex's partner. And even when I'm not anywhere near them people end up talking to me about how irritating they are. they are haunting me.
#red said#it is a mixed feeling tbf#on the one hand. no this isn't about things within their control. they trigger the shit out of me for reasons more to do with#how other people defend their behaviour than how they behave#i feel i have to constantly choose btw walking on eggshells and caving every time they stamp their feet OR everything being a huge blowup#and that. i do not think. is entirely in their control. it's other people sending that message.#now i do not think other people defend them so much out of love or agreement as out of the fact that if they're unhappy it makes#everyone else unhappy and they're one of these people who like. RADIATES their misery out.#now that is a fault of theirs. but not one that's in their direct control. some people just uncontrollably Emit an Aura of Grump.#i know this because i am one and i have yet to find a way to avoid it other than leaving.#now i do ALSO think that they're a bossy selfcentred entitled public school kid who treats their friends and loved ones very poorly#and who is intensely defensive about their own emotional needs and boundaries while flippantly trampling everyone else's#and separately that they're a really irritating theory bro who talks constantly about how they're the prevailing expert on nonhierarchy#and that's why they should be in charge of how nonhierarchical spaces happen#and that they constantly refuse to let anyone else have any degree of agency over how things are organised or managed#then sulk because THEY have to do EVERYTHING#but these are not the reasons i am perpetually angry and reactive at them.#(except the bossiness. i do not react well to being told what to do and i recognise that this is as much a me problem as a them problem)#the reason i cannot keep an even head around them is because every time they're unreasonable people wave it off as normal or sympathetic#and every time someone is unreasonable to them that person is expected to apologise because of how supposedly fragile this person is#and i am. VERY reactive to that feeling. for Several Many Reasons.#i guess the reason i cannot productively have this conversation. other than. primarily. that i don't want to.#is: this is not me reacting reasonably. this is me reacting to the idea that i have to be reasonable and accommodate their unreasonableness.#EVERY TIME. and EVERYONE has to accommodate them being unreasonable#and EVERYONE has to be entirely evenhanded if THEY act unreasonably and try and understand where they're coming from#and another thing that triggers me here is the inescapableness. fairly or not i feel like I'm not allowed to leave.#i can't avoid them and if i try to push them away they pop up to ask why. and that's not unreasonable on their part!#but it's TRIGGERING AS FUCK on mine. i HAVE anger issues and i am VERY worried about disliking people bc i do snarl unfairly.#i don't LIKE being unreasonable. especially because. unlike some people apparently. i don't think that explaining it makes it ok.#i would prefer to not be a cunt. so i need to not be in a situation where my buttons are getting pushed. bc i am then a cunt.
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