#just some stuff I’ve always wanted to tell people but couldn’t figure out how to put into words

[papyrus126]

I wanted to add onto an autism post of do’s and don’t’s, but I didn’t want to rant SO much on theirs, so now y’all are stuck with this one here.

-Don’t take away the music. If we put headphones on, or start humming/whistling/singing to ourselves/tapping out a tune, etc. PLEASE LET US! There is most likely too much stimulation, and it is a form of stimming or winding down from a particularly stressful situation.

-If you feel as though you want to gossip across the room while it looks as though we are lost in space, we are most likely just not able to focus on everything we are actually listening to (at least for me). If your convo piques my interest from across a crowded restaurant, I may be listening to it and you would never know.

-DO NOT TAKE OR MOVE OUR STUFF UNLESS YOU LET US KNOW WHERE YOU ARE PUTTING IT!!! It sets off a MAJOR panic attack for me when something of mine goes missing; even if it wasn’t mine, yet it was entrusted to me. Even a slip of paper that was given to me to keep an eye on.

-DO NOT TOUCH UNLESS YOU ASK! I know this was outlined already, but I just want to REITERATE. PLEASE do not touch us unless you have explicit permission from the INSIDE voice.; not the outside voice. We may just say ‘sure,’ when we really mean ‘no’ because we don’t want to upset you. Anxiety, ADHD, and other stuff goes hand-in-hand strongly with Autism and Asperger’s. Also: Respect. THE BUBBLE. If we step back, don’t worry. We can STILL hear you back here in our comfort zones.

-If we come in and just sit down without saying anything, please wait. We may just want to sit and say nothing at all. Just you’re presence is enough. Please don’t try to yank us into a conversation that we actively have to be apart of if we look uncomfortable with it (watch for cues like stimming, stuttering, etc.).

-Please don’t give us coffee or any other sort of stimulant if you see that we cannot handle it because you think it’s ‘funny’ or our attitude ‘changes for the better.’ Personally, I HATE coffee with a passion because it not only physically hurts my chest, the reactions I’m given during and after the rush I get hurts the spark. I have been told that I am very annoying when I’m on caffeine. I have also been told (on the same day) I’m ‘more enjoyable’ when I’m in the middle of caffeine… Both hurt feelings-wise, even when I don’t have as much capacity to actually SHOW them (unless I’m exploding due to stress from something; positive or negative).

-On the topic of caffeine, please don’t tease us when we stim more than usual, crash, or ‘go insane.’ For me, even a small sip can make me unable to talk/talk so fast that no one can understand me. Telling me to ‘talk normal’ or ‘slow down’ really hurts, especially when I’m trying as hard as I can as it is. I have almost passed out due to the smallest sip of energy drink, so please be careful on who you’re giving your stimulation-whatever to.

-NEVER say something like ‘what’s wrong with you?’ Or otherwise. Its just common knowledge that should be applied for everyone. Especially Aspies or anyone on the spectrum. I am personally very people-pleasing. It does not help when it tacks onto my aspergers and multiplies the feeling. I will shut down for the rest of the day if I’m told something of the like in such a way.

-If you want/need us to do something, SAY IT. Don’t beat around the bush. Say it directly with the most words that you can in order for us to understand EXACTLY what you want. Just don’t treat it like your talking to a caveman. Those on the spectrum are VERY logical (myself included) due to the fact that we are not born with much or any empathy. Those of us that are take EVERYTHING seriously. Sarcasm, jokes, etc. are taken literally, so it’s difficult to know that what your saying is supposed to be funny/intentional by ‘normal’ standards. Do not be upset if we may get offended or ask if you can explain it. Just tell us why it’s supposed to be funny or sarcastic, then we’ll log it in our brain. Even if we may forget about it, we’ve heard it before and the why, so when you say it again, we know “hey, that’s funny,” or “hold on. Maybe I shouldn’t do that/should pay more attention to this thing here,” not “I don’t get it. Why would you say that?” You may have to repeat yourself multiple times. Patience is a virtue that’s unfortunately disappearing very quickly due to the times that we’re in.

[lnfours]

half of me, half of you | l.n

summary: welcome to the world, baby norris <3 and welcome back to part 3 of this little universe we have going on here! 🩷 requested by anonymous: ‘Omg part three for forevermore??? Like the wedding and then maybe kids🫣’

warnings: pregnancy, surprises, hormones, lando finding out he’s going to be a girl dad 🥹, a whole lot of fluff n stuff

masterlist | ask box

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

“how much longer?” you asked, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet in the bathroom. the brunette girl swiped down on her phone, displaying the timer she had set almost 2 minutes ago.

“30 seconds..” she trailed off, eyes meeting your nervous figure as you bounced your leg up and down. you sent her a soft smile back, beating yourself up for not taking a test sooner.

the past week you had felt terrible. felt like someone had hit you with a bus, thrown it in reverse and then backed up over you. your emotions were all over the place, you couldn’t keep anything down, and suddenly you were craving things you didn’t even like.

your suspicions had brought you to lily, your best friend. alex’s girlfriend, the girl you could rely on for anything.

the alarm of the timer echoed throughout the hotel bathroom. you jumped, eyes quickly moving to the box where the lily had shoved in the little white stick.

you felt like you were going to throw up again because of how the nerves were shaking through your body, “can you…?”

“you don’t wanna read it?”

you shook your head fast, “no, i’m scared,”

she frowned softly, kneeling in front of you, “whatever happens, whatever you decide, i love you and i’m here for you.”

you nodded, letting her hand you the box, “what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s not on the same page? i mean we haven’t even really talked about kids yet, i-“

lily was quick to calm your rambling, coaching you to just breathe for a second. you nodded at her, following her direction as you sucked in a shaky breath.

“for as long as i’ve known lando, he’s always talked about wanting kids,” she said, “and it’s no secret that he wants them with you. he wouldn’t have put that ring on your finger otherwise.”

you smiled softly down at the ring on your left hand, letting out a shaky, “you’re right,”

“usually am,” she smiled back at you as you both let out a laugh, “you ready?”

you nodded again, opening the box and fishing out the little white stick that was about to change your whole life. you flipped it over, turned it the right way around and read it over and over again.

it was positive. you were pregnant.

your silence was an answer in itself for lily as she smiled, cheering and hugging you as you let some of the tears fall down your cheeks and splash onto the marbled tile beneath you.

she had tears in her eyes as well, “you’re gonna be a mom!”

you smiled, letting out a soft laugh in disbelief, “i’m gonna be a mom,”

“the best one out there,” she smiled, pulling you up for a proper hug, “oh i’m so happy for you.”

you laughed again, thankful to have her in your life before you pulled away. you wiped the tears off your cheeks, “guess i should call my ob,” you said and she nodded quickly, “and figure out how i’m going to tell lando.”

lily hummed, “i’m sure you’ll think of something special.”

and you did. you were fiddling with the ring on your left finger, dressed in a black slip dress you had brought with you to the uk. silverstone was the best place on earth, his home race, where his friends were, his family.

and where you were about to tell him he was going to be a dad.

you had given lily the ‘ok’ to tell alex so that you had two people to make sure he would get to the surprise. they both didn’t waste any time, making it their top priority to get lando and bring him back to where you needed him as soon as possible.

you were seated on the blanket in the grass, looking up when you heard footsteps making their way to you. you looked up, the boy dressed in black with his signature white mclaren backwards cap catching your eye.

“hey,” he smiled, letting out a puff of air and looking around at the blanket you had set up, “alex and lily said you had something planned?”

you nodded, “come sit,”

he joined you on the blanket, careful not to knock over the gift box sitting in the middle. you smiled over at him, sensing his nerves.

“what’s up, love?”

you tilted your head towards the white box with a pretty bow on the top, “open it,”

he raised an eyebrow at you, “is something going to pop out at me?”

you laughed, “no! just open it,”

he sighed, complying as he kept it at a safe distance while he took the lid off. once the coast was clear, he reached his hand inside. he felt the plastic stick in his hand and what felt like a photo. he fished them out, eyes landing on the pregnancy test and the picture of the ultrasound you had to confirm that you were pregnant.

he gasped softly, immediately looking over at you before his eyes traveled down to your belly.

“baby,” he started, licking his lips as he sniffled softly, “are you being serious right now?”

you smiled, “deadly.”

he dropped the things back in the box, moving to carefully pull you in the tightest hug he could get you in, “i’m gonna be a dad.”

you nodded, pulling back and wiping under your eyes with the back of your hands, “yeah,”

“and you’re gonna be a mom,” he was really stating the obvious but it brought more tears to your eyes when he spoke, “you’re gonna be the best mom, baby.”

you kissed his cheek softly, “and you’re going to be the best dad.”

he smiled, pulling you closer as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “i love you.”

“i love you.”

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

the months moved on and baby girl norris had finally entered the world, and lord did she have lando wrapped around her little finger already.

from the moment the two met, the nurses handing the little pink blanket over to him, it was game over. her big eyes, which resembled yours, looking straight up at him and her happy gurgles had his heart exploding as he looked down at his baby girl.

“hi, angel,” he cooed, fingers softly brushing against her skin over the tiny little moles and freckles that littered her skin, “oh, you’re perfect.”

you smiled over at your now husband, watching the two interact, “she is,”

he looked up at you, “and so are you, baby,”

you smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as he sat next to you with the little girl in his arms. she was starting to struggle to stay awake, barely keeping her eyes open.

the two of you watched in contentment, his eyes a little watery before he looked back over at you, “we made that,”

you let out a soft chuckle, “we did a good job, yeah?”

he laughed with you, pressing a kiss to your temple, “we did,” he said, “i think you did all the heavy lifting, though. i was just here for the ride,”

you laughed, meeting his eyes, “mm, true,”

he smiled back with that same boyish grin to you, releasing a soft breath, “guess we should probably name her, huh?”

you hummed, “still like the one we had picked?”

he looked down now at the little girl in his arms who now had her eyes closed, sometime during your conversation she had fallen asleep. she was so peaceful and perfect and everything he loved about you wrapped up into one tiny little human. a tiny little human he got to create with you, the other half of his beating heart.

“i do, yeah,” he nodded, “welcome to the world wren norris.”

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

you made your way up the stairs, a smile spreading on your face as you heard the little girls’ giggle coming from her bedroom. you leaned up against the door way, trying hard not to snicker at your husband who had found himself joining your daughter and her stuffed animals for a tea party.

you watched the two talk about tea and serve them to the dolls and stuffed animals sitting in their respective chairs for a couple minutes before you walked into the room.

“hey, baby,” lando said when you knelt down next to him, giving you the biggest smile, “joining us for some tea?”

“for a bit sure,” you smiled, “everyone will be here soon.”

“oh, mommy, look!” wren said excitedly, “daddy and i drew a picture for you.”

“oh, yeah?” you asked, watching the girl grab the piece of paper, “what is it?”

“we drew daddy’s race car!” she smiled brightly back at you.

you took the piece of paper, noticing the three other stick-figure men in the picture, another one in orange, one in blue and one in red.

“and you drew uncle carlos, oscar and danny?”

she nodded, “it was daddy’s idea.”

you laughed softly at your grinning husband, rolling your eyes playfully, “of course it was.”

you spent some time with you little family, letting them tell you all about their afternoon tea session with mr bear, kitty and mrs froggie, all the stuffed animals sitting in their respective seats.

you grabbed lando’s arm softly, pulling it towards you to read the time on his watch, “we gotta get you ready, wren. everyone’s gonna be here soon!”

she smiled, “can i still wear my princess dress?”

“of course, love,” you smiled. she happily jumped from her seat and ran off to her closet. you looked over at your husband, a smile still on both of your faces.

while you helped change wren into her princess dress, lando had started greeting those who had come to help celebrate your daughter’s third birthday.

it wasn’t long until the little girl left your side, immediately running over to her favorite uncle, “uncle max!”

you smiled when he bent down, picking her up and she squealed happily, “there’s the birthday girl!”

he tickled her sides playfully, her laughter booming as you joined your husband, his arm wrapping around your waist.

“did you get a pony this year?” he asked and you both snickered as wren shook her head.

“mommy said no,” she said, “but she said i could get a puppy!”

“a puppy?!”

you looked over at lando, “i said maybe,”

lando shrugged, “i know you’ll crack.”

“oh she has you wrapped around her finger, mate,” max laughed, looking back at the little girl he was holding, “don’t ya little one?”

“easy, fewtrell,” you laughed, “don’t give her ideas.”

he laughed softly, the little girl going back to her dad to say hi to her uncle alex and aunt lily, leaving you and max standing in the kitchen. he pulled you into his side, giving you a squeeze, “how’re you? i mean, other than enjoying being a mom.”

you laughed, “i’m good,” you let out of a soft breath, “where’s p?”

“she wasn’t feeling well, but she told me to say hi to everyone.”

you frowned, “damn, tell her i said hi and that i hope she feels better.”

he nodded, “i will,”

you both trailed off as you watched lando and alex playfully chase wren, trying to see who could pick her up first, “so, a puppy, huh?”

you rolled your eyes, “it was all him! not me,”

he laughed, “sounds about right, he’d do anything for that little girl.”

you smiled, watching your husband and daughter laugh as alex and lily talked with the birthday girl, asking her questions that made her giggle in response, “he would, and i wouldn’t want it any other way.”

[thatanimeramenchick]

Yandere Vox x Secretary Reader Part One

No one asked for this, but whatever. Bite me. I’ll get to the asks, I swear

3,516 words

Part Two - Part Three

–-

The last thing you wanted was to draw attention to yourself. In a place like hell, where the worst of society sunk together and only somehow seemed to get worse, it was a good idea to not catch other people’s eyes. If their eyes were on you, it was almost never for a good reason.

So when you decided to start working, it made sense you would do something quiet and in the background like data filing for a large media company. While there were many more unsavory jobs that paid more, you wanted to avoid the obvious and dangerous crime life of hell as much as possible in your daily life. You had had enough of being unwillingly tied up in that kind of stuff when you were alive. You might as well spend your eternity in some type of peace, or at least as much as someone in hell can get.

So, you made sure you were presentable as you walked into Voxtekk on your first day to work, dressed simple business attire and keeping a quiet demeanor.

“There you are!” said who you presumed was your new boss, a short man with glasses and a blue hair dye, “Was wondering if you were going to show up!”

“Sorry,” you said, “The traffic was bad.”

“Well, you better get used to leaving early,” he said, “Traffic is always a bitch in this part of Pentagram City.”

He continued to speak as he led you to the elevator.

“So, I’ve been told you have a lot of experience with this sort of thing on earth,” he said.

“Yes, I did library work while I was alive,” you said.

And some smuggling. Especially with weapons.

You didn’t think it would be necessary to tell him that though. The job had come in handy though by giving you a knack for remembering where things were.

“Good, good,” he said, “I expect you’ll be able to figure out how to do this on your own then.”

He led you to a room that was filled with file drawers as well as a large computer off to the side.

“There’s thousands, if not millions, of files in here, both physically and digitally. It’ll be your responsibility to make sure that everything new brought in gets put in its proper place, as well as that anything that is requested can be easily found,” he said, “As the biggest media company in hell, it’s important that we know at all times where every piece of information or media can be located.”

It was overwhelming, like the world’s largest and most complicated library. It made your head spin a little looking at it all, but you always liked a challenge.

“You think you can handle it?” he asked.

You nod with some confidence, though you don’t quite feel it. This was going to take some getting used to.

“I hope for both our sakes you’re right,” he said, “Last filer I hired couldn’t tell left from right and Vox fried me to a crisp. Took me a good week before I was able to regenerate properly.”

Crap, that sounded bad. Note to self, don’t let that happen to you.

“I think I’ll be all right,” you said.

---

It was a bit overwhelming the first few weeks. You were competent enough to keep things in order though. Your experience was paying off, and you weren’t hearing any complaints or news about any assistants getting fried, so you supposed you were doing your job well enough.

Within two months of starting your job, you finally met the rumored big man himself. He had come in one day, visibly in a bad mood as he walked over to your desk, a man trailing behind him.

“I don’t know why I even pay you morons,” he said, “I have to hear important information secondhand from fucking Valentino because you can’t be bothered to keep up with what’s happening in hell.”

“Look, sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to not tell you,” he said, “I just didn’t think you’d care.”

Vox had stormed over to your desk.

“So you KNEW and thought it would be a good idea to just not tell me at all?” he said.

“T-that’s not it! I just-”

Vox held up a hand to interrupt him before turning to you.

“I want the file we have in here on Alastor,” he said, a static buzz of irritation on the last word, “Now.”

“Of course, sir,” you said.

You hurried over to the file cabinet and quickly located it.

“See, not everyone around here is as useless as you are,” Vox said to his other employee.

You saw the hapless employee mutter something under his breath out of the corner of your eye, and before you knew it a chain had appeared and Vox yanked him closer.

“What was that?” he said

“N-nothing, sir!” said the now visibly sweating employee.

A shock went through the poor guy before Vox released him.

“Useless,” he said, “You know what? I think you need some time learning exactly who is in charge around here.”

Vox pointed a clawed finger at you.

“You,” he said, “It’s your lucky day, kid. You wanna promotion?”

“Um… yes?” you said.

“Great. Samuel, have fun in janitorial work for the next decade,” he said, “You’re being replaced. What’s your name?”

“F/N,” you said.

“Hope you have customer service experience as well as filing,” he said, “You’re moving up to my office. Need someone with a functioning brain to run the front desk. Pack up!”

You hesitated for a minute before grabbing the stuff under your desk. You figured the last thing you wanted to do was piss this guy off more than he already looked.

---

Despite him being in such a bad mood that first day, you soon found that most of the time Vox was relatively calm, at least compared to what you heard about the other employers in this building. While he at times could get pretty irritated with things, especially if a certain never-to-be-named demon was brought up by an idiot intern, he rarely took it out on you. He usually took the daily bothers of running the company in stride.

Besides that, running a front desk of an office wasn’t too different than running the front desk at the library. You didn’t have to do near as much organizing in terms of files, but you still did spend a lot of time making sure that everything in Vox’s life was organized from his meetings to when he had lunch.

He didn’t talk much with you outside of work related stuff, which is why you were so surprised when you found out what he was doing one day.

It was a nice enough morning, at least as much as a nice morning can be in hell. You took a sip of your coffee briefly as you stretched and looked out your office window. While you missed the blue sky of earth, the red sky of hell had its own sort of charm you supposed. You glanced down, looking at the people walking back and forth, small as ants. Running around willy nilly. Someone was moving into the building that afternoon, a common occurrence here, as you had heard talk that Valentino liked to keep his employees in close quarters. Seems like they had a similar taste in furniture to your own. Almost frighteningly so.

Except… wait. Was that your sofa? And your dresser? Your bookshelves? You lowered your coffee to the windowsill as you squinted down at your entire catalog of furniture being moved into the building. Something wasn’t right.

You knocked on your boss’s door and entered in a bit of a rush as you heard him say to come in.

“Vox, what on earth is going on?” you asked, trying not to sound panicked.

“F/N, that could be ten different things. I need you to be more specific,” he asked, his tone nonchalant as he didn’t even look up from his phone.

“I just saw what I’m pretty sure was all my belongings being moved into the building,” you said.

“Oh yes, that. Well, I had wanted to surprise you, but I guess it’s too late for that,” he said, somewhat absently, “I hate that you have to take such a long commute to the other side of town. And I know all the apartments there are so run down, I figured I’d just move you into the studio like a lot of our other valued staff.”

What? While it was true your apartment was kind of rinky dinky, it was yours. And you liked the privacy and soft solitude it offered after work. Besides, you didn’t like the idea of your boss just moving you willy nilly without your permission. Still, you didn’t want to show him you were upset.

“Vox, you don’t have to do this,” you said, “I’m ok with where I’m at. I don’t want to trouble you.”

“It’s no trouble at all. Think of it as a courtesy as my secretary,” he said.

You could feel your entire face tighten as you got more frustrated. Some of it was probably starting to show, despite your best efforts.

“I never asked for this though,” you said, trying to tread carefully, “and I like my old apartment. I… I don’t really want this...”

“But you do want this,” he said, finally looking up at you, “You want to be in a nicer apartment, closer to work, safer, don’t you? You always want to be here.”

That… You supposed that was true. Something about his tone soothed you, sent a pleasant lull through your skull and made your body relax as he looked in your eyes. Your protests now seemed a bit foolish and childish. In all honesty, you supposed it just made sense that you move in to the studio. Everything you needed was here, truly, why would you want to live away from here? You did want a nicer apartment without the stressful commute.

“O-ok,” you said, a small uncomfortable feeling of doubt still in your stomach, “Yeah. That’s true. I do want to be here more… closer to the office...”

He smiled at that and walked over to you. He placed an arm around you, guiding you back to your own office.

“Of course you do! And besides I already had them move everything here, so why don’t you just go back to work, and they’ll have finished moving everything in by the time your shift is done,” Vox said, “I guarantee once you’ve had time to think it through you’ll be glad we did it.”

“If you say so,” you said.

As he walked you back to your desk, he continued his calming chatter.

“That’s a good girl. You and I both have a lot of work today, anyway, so I think we can agree that you should just focus on that for now,” he said as he nudged over to your desk.

You sat down and turned to the planner on your desk as you heard your boss walk into his personal office and closed the door. You just stare blankly for a good minute, feeling a little light, like you were on Zoloft before shaking your head back and forth. Might as well just go back to work. You could think more about this later.

---

It had been happening so slowly. One day, week, month at a time, Vox was implementing himself into your life inch by inch, despite the fact that the two of you weren’t bound on paper. He had moved you into the building, where you knew that you were almost constantly on camera. He kept you so loaded down with work you barely had a social life anymore, with no time to hang out with friends or date. The pay was ok, you supposed, but it felt minuscule compared to the amount of work he was expecting you to do on a daily basis.

And then there was the… weirder things that had been happening. Whenever you tried to talk to him, he had a way of getting you to forget about whatever it was you were upset about, at least for a little while. But it would always come back eventually, and as you thought about it more, it irritating you that he was dismissing your concerns.

You hadn’t really noticed it until he had gone on vacation for a week with the other Vees. You had been quite busy with work, but without him there to calm you down whenever your “concerns” came up, you realized that maybe you had let your priorities get a little askew. You needed a career change.

So, perhaps against your better judgment, a few days after he had returned, you had left a two weeks notice on his desk before he came in. It only took about fifteen minutes after he came in for him to summon you to his office.

“F/N? What is this?” he asked, holding out the letter.

“It’s my resignation,” you said, trying to sound steady and confident.

“I’m sorry… your what?” he said

“I-I regret to inform you that I will be moving out and relocating to the Doomsday Sector in two weeks,” you said, “I appreciate all that you’ve done here for me as I worked here, but I am making a career change.”

He looked baffled for a second, like he couldn’t believe what you were saying before chuckling a little.

“No, you’re not,” he said, “You don’t want to leave he-”

“Stop!” you yelled out with more force than you intended.

As soon as he had started speaking that familiar fuzzy feeling had entered your mind, and you had closed your eyes, shaking your head. You didn’t want him talking you out of this.

“I-I’m sorry,” you said, as you reopened your eyes, but didn’t really look at him, “But I don’t want to talk about this.”

It was awkwardly silent for a minute.

“Is it a pay thing?” he finally asked, “Because that can be adjusted. You do good work. I certainly wouldn’t mind paying you more.”

“It’s not a pay thing,” you said, “It’s not anything. I-I don’t want to talk about this, so I’m going to go-”

“You’re not leaving!” he said, slamming his fist on his desk.

You jumped, a little surprised at his reaction. While you knew he wouldn’t be thrilled, you hadn’t expected him to be so volatile. He was always so calm and collected that this kind of reaction to something so minuscule confused you.

“Vox, I know you like my work, but I think you’re overreacting a little bit,” you said.

“Overreacting?” he said, looking pissed, “Overreacting?!”

He grasped at the air, a look of surprise entering his face when no chain appeared. You look at him bewildered. Had he really just tried to…?

“Vox, we don’t have a contract?” you said, “Did you forget that?”

Had he really gotten so comfy with you that he thought that you were another one of his little pets? To hell with the two week notice, you were going today.

“I think I should go back to work,” you said.

He didn’t say anything as you went back to your desk. You finished filing information extra fast that day, doing a bit of a sloppy job. As soon as it was noon, you left for what appeared to be a lunch break, but you had decided was actually going to be your escape.

This situation was getting uncomfortable. You hurried to your room and haphazardly threw clothes and necessities into your suitcase. Anything you left behind on accident you would just have to replace. On a final note, you shoved your wallet into your back pocket and walked over to the door.

Except it didn’t open. The nob didn’t even turn when you yanked on it. You tried it a few times, to no avail.

“Dammit,” you murmured under your breath, and you pounded your fist on the door.

You were about ready to start kicking it when you heard a burst of static behind you. You turned to see your boss coming in through the camera system. While it had always been an eerie feature to your arrangements, it was a million more times so to see Vox using it to his full advantage.

“What the hell is going on?” you asked.

“I should be the one asking that,” he said, “Just where do you think you’re going?”

“None of your damn business!” you said, “I don’t know what security you have on this door, but you better take it off now or-”

“Or?” he asked.

Now it was your turn to look tense as he gave you a self-satisfied smirk. You could feel your face flushing in a quiet rage as he spoke. Though you were hiding them behind your back, you could feel your fists clenching, as well as the shape of you mouth hardening.

“Vox, you are being ridiculous! We don’t even have a contract! I’m not bound to you, so you can’t keep me here,” you said.

He cocked his head at you, raising an eyebrow, “Oh really now?”

Something about the nonchalance in his tone only pissed you off more.

“Yes, really!” you yelled, “I’m not staying here. I’m leaving whether you want me to or not.”

“And just how do you expect to do that?” asked Vox, “Jump out the window? I mean you could splatter yourself on the ground, but it’d be a bit rude considering I’ll have to send some unlucky interns to scrape you off the pavement and put you back in your room until you regenerate.”

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and clenching and unclenching your hands with an unnecessary amount of force. You tried to calm your voice down.

“Vox, I understand that you like the work I do for you, but you’re being ridiculous,” you said.

“You think this about work?” he said, “F/N, don’t act stupid. I can get a new secretary anytime I want, ten secretaries. You and I both know that’s not what this is about.”

You looked at him confused. It wasn’t?

“For someone who is so smart with data, you are being so unbelievably slow right now.”

He advanced on you, causing you to shrink against the frame of the door as he leaned over you. He pushed you against the wall and gripped your chin in his hand, forcing you to look him in the eye. It all happened in a flash, too fast to register, and before you could realize it, he was pulling you into a rough kiss.

It wasn’t what you had expected, though it wasn’t as if you had thought a lot about what kissing your boss would feel like. On the rare occasions when you had wondered about it, you had assumed kissing Vox would be like kissing the screen of a laptop. Apparently though, he had a literal working mouth as you could clearly tell from the sensation of his tongue and even teeth connecting with your own. Your chin ached in his firm grip, which could have been more tender if it didn’t feel like he was keeping you from turning your face away. You tried to do so, but he didn’t even seem to notice it, he was so preoccupied.

He held you like this for a good two or three minutes, his saliva coating your mouth. Though it was barely there, you could feel a slight buzz to it, as if some of his electricity was in his fluids. He finally released you though, some of his spit getting on your lips as he removed himself. A sigh filled the air as your lips parted.

“Even better than I thought it would be,” he murmured

He shifted a bit and was leaning in for another kiss when you kicked him in the shins.

“Ow!” he said, releasing you and giving you time to dart away.

You had moved in a burst to the other side of the room, glaring at him with what you hoped was resentment. There was also something else though. A feeling of deep rooted anxiety and fear was stirring in full force, despite the fact that over the past few months you had been pushing it down as much as possible. You hoped he couldn’t see the weakness in you.

Whether he did or not though, you could tell he was visibly pissed for a minute. He finally got his features under control, but as he spoke his tone held all of the avarice that had left his face.

“Whatever,” he said, “Contract or not, you’re still mine, and you’re not going anywhere until you accept that. Throw a tantrum if you want to, but you’re stuck here.”

You watched as he went back into the camera system as easily as he had come. You curled up on the floor, burying your face in your arms.

[ffc1cb]

new art blog

the short version:

1. i made a new art blog: @cbge;

2. @ffc1cb will stay up as an archive.

the long version:

hi everyone. this announcement is somewhat late, since the blog in question has been up for a few months now, and i’ve already started posting art on it. the reason it took me so long to “reveal” it is because i’ve been trying to figure out whether a new blog is something i actually want, or if it's just me throwing darts at a board, trying to make myself feel better somehow.

i don’t know when precisely it all started, but ever since sometime last year i’ve been going through a hard time, both emotionally and creatively. i’m not sure whether being depressed is what made art harder, or art becoming harder is what made me depressed (a bit of both, i think), but lately, drawing has been a struggle. 

i’ve found myself having less and less energy for art, and this lack of energy resulted in poorer quality of drawings, which resulted in me feeling like i’m getting worse at it, despite my efforts. i knew i could make good art, art that i’m proud of - i’ve done so countless times before, - but somehow it felt like i just couldn’t anymore, like my hands forgot how to. nothing looked right. 

i’ve been trying to experiment. i’ve learned some new things, tried this and that - it was enlightening, to say the least, and even though i kind of liked how it looked, it made me feel a sense of displacement. i was at odds with myself, my art, and how i felt about it, when previously i was always in sync. i was making art, yes, and it looked nice, but it felt like it wasn’t mine.

i suppose part of it was also the growing lack of engagement, and i don’t mean likes and reblogs - i never particularly cared about those. they are all just numbers to me; dry and impersonal. what i’m talking about is actual, human interactions: personal thoughts in tags, asks, replies, etc. a conversation. 

i don’t mean to sound “old” or anything, but i remember when talking to artists online was more commonplace. my wife tells me it’s because the internet culture has changed over the years, that people have become more reclusive, less willing to be open with their thoughts, and she's probably right, but in my slump i find it hard to believe. somehow it feels like it’s my fault for being less “engaging”, for seeming unapproachable or perhaps intimidating. maybe it’s “just a skill issue”, maybe it’s because i have stopped churning out fanart for popular fandoms, maybe it’s because i refuse to torture myself emotionally by having an art account on twitter (i can’t fucking stand the place anymore; i still post nsfw art there, but only because it’s literally one of the only places on the internet that allows you to do so. i miss when you could post female presenting tits on tumblr).

i have always, ever since i started posting art on the internet back in 2012, done it for human connection. i wanted to talk to people, and have people talk to me. i wanted to inspire people with my art, and i wanted to bring them comfort. i wanted to elicit an emotional response, and have people tell me about it. it was one of the main reasons i drew in the first place; having lost that, i’ve been struggling to stay passionate about making art.

i miss being a small artist on the internet during the 2010s. i remember when i could make a post going, “hey everyone, how are you all doing today?” and it would not seem weird to people in the slightest. it is just me? does anyone else feel that way? am i too deep in my own head? the internet feels so unwelcoming nowadays, especially to artists. we are all just content machines; people scroll by our stuff, or maybe look at it for half a second and leave a like before scrolling away. i know it’s unfair to demand people’s attention, especially now when our lives are already so overwhelmed by everything - no one has the energy to pay closer attention; i myself am not immune to mindless scrolling. but it feels bad. i wish we were all sincere and enthusiastic again.

anyway (sorry for rambling. i hope i haven’t bored you to death), you might want to say, okay, but how is making a new art blog on a “dying” social platform going to help with any of that? the truth is, i don’t know. i just felt like i needed a change. 

i’ve been running this blog since 2016 (that’s almost 8 full years!). i feel incredibly attached to it, but at the same time, i feel it weighing me down. 

there are people who followed me years ago for one specific thing, still expecting me to post about said thing (i still find it mindboggling that some people follow artists for a specific fandom only, but that is a whole other matter for a whole other post that i will never write). a third, if not half, of my following are probably dead blogs. and with my current struggle with trying to regain the joy i once felt for making art, looking back at all the art i’ve done over the years makes me feel tired. i still love it all; it’s all very dear to me. i’m proud of it; looking at it makes me mourn my younger and more passionate self.

so i’ve decided to make a new blog, where i will let myself post whatever i want, in whatever stage of donness i feel like. maybe it will help me, somehow. maybe it won’t. but if you care about my art, if you want to keep following me on my artistic journey, i welcome you to join me there. similarly, feel free not to - no hard feelings.

thank you everyone for your support over the years; it matters a lot to me. i’m not planning to delete or private this blog; it will stay up, and i will still be reachable on here. i will still answer asks, if there will be any. i’m just not planning to post any art here anymore. this is it for my dear old friend ffc1cb.

i can be found in other places:

@cbge, as mentioned earlier,

@k0nstanta, an art blog dedicated solely to my wife and i’s ocs,

@inquisimail, a dragon age ask blog that has become my dragon age sideblog in general,

and multiple other blogs, none of which are art related, but feel free to ask, if you’re curious.

thank you very much for reading all of this. i hope you have a wonderful day.

[idontknow-andyoudonteither]

Toji the Softie pt.2

Pt.1 : https://www.tumblr.com/idontknow-andyoudonteither/740171522886500352/toji-the-softie?source=share

For the first time in a long time Toji genuinely felt relaxed. He was often unbothered by most things, and never really afraid either. He was pretty patient too, especially with his line of work. But relaxed? That wasn’t something he had the luxury of immersing himself in fully often. Ever since he had started hanging out with his upstairs neighbor though, Toji was starting to get more comfortable fully relaxing. He didn’t have to focus on who he was going to fight next, or if he was going to have to deal with the Zenin clan. He didn’t have to worry about cursed spirits, or money problems, he could just be. Most people want to know all about Toji and his past. But whenever he’s with you none of that matters, you’re in a vacuum where only what’s present exists.

“Well I’ll be back to bother you tomorrow, I’ve gotta work out.” He said as he sat up and stretched. He didn’t want to linger in this feeling too long, because he didn’t want to be let down. He wanted to bottle this feeling, and drink it at night before bed. “Of course, I’m going to the store in the morning, but afterwards I’ll be here.” You said as you walked him to the door. He watched you as you walked, and he loved the way you looked leading him. He wished he was walking to your bedroom rather than your front door, but he had a job to do, and it wouldn’t get done cuddling and kissing grapes. As he walked down the hall back to his place, he began to think about what it would be like to live with you. Would you sit in the room with him while he worked out? Would you be in the kitchen making him a post- workout snack with the cat? He laughed to himself as he walked into his place. You had even got him to like cats. Your cat didn’t like him at first, and the feeling was mutual, but he tolerated Fluffy so he could cuddle up to you. Eventually he even enjoyed Fluffy’s soft fur against him, like a heated blanket that vibrated. It was like Fluffy always knew where he was sore, and would try and heal him with his purrs.

As Toji climbed into bed, he imagined what it would be like to sleep with you in his arms. He wondered just how comfortable you were with him. You had accepted the grape much to his delight, and it made him feel like something was finally put in its proper place. He wanted to get closer to you, but he wanted to take his time. You were a safe space for him, and he wouldn’t dare do anything to jeopardize that. Also he knew your type. You were easy to read, but only because you felt comfortable with him. To anyone you didn’t want close, they wouldn’t see much in your actions. Toji however had an insider’s look on how you lived your life. He treasured that window into your life, because it allowed him to feel what he couldn’t give to himself. You were comforting, beautiful, smart, and ambitious.

When he woke up Toji started his day with a run. It felt good to push his body to a new limit, allowed him to expel some energy he had stored up. After his run he went to do some target practice. As he hit bulls eye after bulls eye his mind drifted to thoughts of his plans for the rest of the day. He had errands to run, and he was determined to finish on time, because he wanted to see you today. After target practice he decides to text you on his way home.

Hey you still out at the market?

Yeah what’s up?

He wants to tell you to grab some stuff for dinner, but figures its better to just surprise you.

Grab some more of those grapes :)

Will you eat them all again?

Toji would let you have every last grape if he could watch you eat them. He would savor every moment, just as you savor every grape. He would give you a kiss for each grape making sure not to miss anywhere on your body. But he figures saying that might freak you out if he said that, so he settles for something less committal; You can have some…………. If I can feed them to you. Toji finishes his errands, and begins cooking. While the curry thickened, he cleaned up around his place a little bit, making sure to check in and adjust the flavor when necessary. When he felt his place looked presentable he texted you a door emoji. That’s new what does that mean? you responded. Come down here and see ;) Toji responded. A few minutes later he heard a knock at the door. He smiled as he opened the door, and your expression made him smile even harder. You looked so suspicious of him, but in a playful way like a kid who knows their friend is going to prank them.

“Welcome to my humble abode.” Toji said as you stepped in and he closed the door. “Please make yourself comfortable dinner is almost ready.” “What’s going on Toji?” you asked as you nervously stepped toward the couch. “I figured we would do something different tonight, I want to thank you for how hospitable you’ve been these past few weeks, and for all the snacks I ate.” Toji said turning off the fire and coming to join you on the couch. “Do you want anything to drink? I can get some sake or some tea for you.” Toji says leaning forward in his seat. He felt so eager to take care of you; he wanted to make you feel at home so that when he made his request later you couldn’t refuse him. He couldn’t bare it if you did. He needed you to stay.

[fandoms--fluff]

Perfect Just The Way You Are

Female reader x Danielle Rose Russell

Summary: Danielle feels really self conscious after she reads hate comments and you comfort her and reassure her how pretty and amazing she is. 

Warnings: talk of self consciousness, but other than that just FLUFF

A/n: decided to do something a bit different and write an actress to see if anyone likes it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you walk into the living room, you hear your girlfriend sigh. She has a disappointed and sad look on her face. You go over behind where she’s sitting on the couch, and look over at her phone screen. Your eyebrows furrow for a moment as you start reading what it says. 

Quickly, you take the phone out of Danielle’s hand. “Hey!” she says, noticing your presence by that action. 

“What have we talked about reading those idiot’s comments or any articles. Baby, you are so beautiful.” She looks up at you with tears in her eyes. 

“But what if they’re right, I-I’ve never looked like all the other girls at school and-” you cut her off, “Of course you haven’t, you are way more gorgeous, and shouldn’t believe what everyone writes. It’s your body, not theirs. Trust me, if it wasn’t illegal they’d all be gone by now” you smirk, making her chuckles at your last sentence. 

You sit down beside her, and bring her into your arms. Immediately she melts into your embrace. “You’re the most beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, amazing, cute girl in the universe” you say as you plant small kisses on the top of her head after each word. 

“Then why do they say that stuff, and they’re not wrong, even a person without their glasses can tell how different I look next to everybody on screen” she whispers, voice cracking as she goes down the rabbit hole again of her self consciousness. 

“They say that stuff because they’re projected all their self consciousness onto you. And don’t say that about yourself, you look amazing in every tv show and movie and anything you’ve ever done or posted online, even better than everyone else.” you kiss her on the lips. 

“People were mad that I got the role of Hope. I couldn’t figure it out until I found comments on some behind the scene pictures I posted. Maybe I should loose some weight before starting Legacies” she says. 

“Hey, I’m with you for whatever you decide you want to do with your body, but please promise me that whatever you may or may not do, is not because of what some jackass stranger says about you” you tighten your arms around her torso. 

“I promise.”

It’s been ten minutes and you’ve both been cuddled together in a calm silence. 

“Thank you for helping me with that, and with everything you’ve ever been with or helped me with. I don’t know why people I don’t even know, get to me so much and why I let them so easily. I love my body, and always have.” Danielle tells you. 

“Of course, I’m always here for you, Dani, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, you’re the best girlfriend ever” she nuzzles her head into your warm chest, loving the warmth radiating off of you as it storms outside. 

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Six

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: It's still Sad hours folks, Mentions of Grief, Mild Anxiety, Some Self Deprecation / Negative Self Talk, AND THEN some Fluff, Cute Banter, Dry Humor, and the biggest warning of all: Pirate Facts (don't forget who we're talking to here)

Word Count : 3.5k

Summary : Charlotte is still processing the prior day's events and struggling to deal with her grief coupled with the fact she let a "stranger" see her upset. Unfortunately, things have to get worse before they get better, but she is well on her way to better.

Author's Note: HEHE ANOTHER ONE. Okay really though, I know we've been having sad chapters and I want you to get to good stuff so I figured since this is the last sad chapter for a bit AND she's a little shorter than the next handful, I may as well let you have her early. We start off a bit rough, but it only gets better as you read! PROMISE.

Honest - Joseph "There's always two thoughts, One after the other, I'm alone, No, you're not."

I’ve been sitting in bed since I got home last night, recounting everything. A full-blown meltdown, Charlotte? You really couldn’t choke it back for a little longer? I have never been good at letting people in. I tend to keep everybody at arms’ reach, which is why I now have… basically, no friends.  

I don’t know how I got here; that’s a lie. I am too intense. I work too much. I care too much about my work. I could stand to relax a little more. Okay, let’s not talk ourselves into a spiral now; it’s too early in the morning. 

It’s 7 a.m., and I’ve barely slept. I force myself out of bed. I just need coffee. Stretching as I walk into my kitchen, I set up my coffee pot and lean against the counter, rubbing my eyes to rid the sleep left on them. He was so sweet about it, too. He didn’t even hesitate. Taking a deep breath , I shake my head as if that would get rid of the thoughts. 

I pour some coffee into my favorite mug, take the first sip, and feel the warmth go through my body. ‘Oh, Honey’ rings in my head. Does he just give everybody pet names?  Finding myself on my couch, my laptop sitting next to me, taunting me with the option to work. I know I should take the day off with how little sleep I got, but I would also rather stay busy. 

I could just check my emails. 

Maybe I’ll just work for a few hours.  

It couldn’t hurt to just clock in. 

I’m pushing open my laptop, frustrated because I know I’ve lost the battle with myself again. I immediately pull up my emails, seeing a handful from the last few days that I haven’t answered. 

It’s a lot of easy work, which is good because, well, I shouldn’t be working right now. I spend a while replying to everything in my inbox, including an email to my boss. I sip my coffee between emails, trying to stay focused on work but finding my mind wandering. 

I would have been fine if he didn’t acknowledge that I looked sad. I could have gotten through that situation so much better. Why did he have to notice? I pause my thoughts, realizing how insensitive they seem. You’re grieving, Charlotte. Jesus Christ, give yourself some grace. You’re GOING to be sad. He was just good at handling that. I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly he reacted. Most men I’ve met probably wouldn’t have even realized something was wrong, let alone make sure I could privately have a moment. 

My throat starts to tighten again, and my chest feels heavy; I wish I could tell her about this. She would have been so shocked to hear that I let someone help me. My eyes start to get blurry. Oh, not again. I sit there, letting the tears fall down my face. 

“Fuck,” I mutter to my empty apartment. 

I rub my eyes, probably harder than I should, before making a second cup of coffee. Breathing shakily as I pour, text him. No. You need a friend, Charlotte. I don’t even know him, aside from his business. He said to let him know if you need anything, and you do kind of need something right now. I do not, I’m fine. Then why are you still crying? 

Sitting on my couch, I grab my phone and pull up his messages. Just text him. 

I struggle to type anything out for a moment, wiping my face a few times before finally settling on something simple. 

Charlotte: hi goodmorning 

I lock my screen quickly, setting my phone next to me, face down. Why did I do that? It’ll be fine. Just let him respond.  

Back to work, I open an email from my boss; 

‘Charlotte,  Why are you working today? I thought you took the day off? Regardless, how did everything go in Portland? Did you get the paperwork handled with Caravel Tavern? I’m hoping for your sake that the owner was pleasant and just filled it out for you.  It’s an unfortunate situation that you had to go there, but much appreciated that you were able to stop by and get that taken care of.’ 

My boss and I have been working together for a while, so I’d like to think that he isn’t being disingenuous with that email, but the fact he knows the ultimate reason I went to Portland and only seemingly touched on the work part is making my stomach hurt. Does everybody think that I’m emotionless? I went there to mourn my friend, and he was worried about how my work went. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes again. This time, I don’t fight them. Setting my laptop to the side, I take a few sips of coffee, wiping my eyes in between. 

My phone vibrates beneath my leg. Is it.. Grabbing it nervously, I flip it over, letting the screen turn on. There, his name sits on my lock screen. 

Jacob: Well goodmorning, how are you feeling? 

Not great. My stomach turns reading the question over and over. Why does he care? 

Charlotte: I’ve been better, honestly. How are you?

Why did you say that? He literally saw me cry yesterday. I think he’d be more shocked if I said I was feeling great.  

Jacob: oh i’m sorry, can I do anything to help? 

No. Just tell him you need a friend, especially right now. We have worked together, I can’t do that. I’m above him, technically. Charlotte, chill out. You’re not co-workers. You can be friends with him. 

Charlotte: I don’t know. I’m just having a rough morning  and I didn’t know who else to text. 

You don’t have anybody you would text anyway. This happens when you don’t keep in touch with your friends. 

Jacob: Do you want to talk about whats wrong or I can just try to distract you?

He’s so.. Don’t tell him. 

Charlotte: I think a distraction is needed 

I’m immediately curious how he’s going to be distracting through text. He’s distracting enough in person. Charlotte. I’m sorry, but it’s no secret. 

Jacob: In that case, how much do you know about the golden age of piracy? 

Charlotte: lol I do actually know a little bit, but go on. 

Jacob: Do you?? Well then, my personal favorites are Anne Bonny and Blackbeard is an obvious choice but.. I dont even care haha hes great. 

A smile crept onto my face when I read his reply. Why is it so wholesome that one of his favorites is a woman pirate? He’s probably just saying it.

Charlotte: You like Anne Bonny?

It’s marked as read immediately, and the typing bubbles pop up almost instantly.

Jacob: She was incredible! And she never was found?? That’s insane. You have to respect it. 

Charlotte: She really was incredible. I know a little about Blackbeard but, you can tell me about him.

Charlotte: If you want obviously, you don’t have to. 

Phone in hand, I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower on before facing the mirror. My eyes are puffy, and my hair is everywhere. God, Charlotte, get it together, girl. I set my phone on the counter, leaning in to look at myself closer. Seeing how dark my under eyes are and how irritated my waterline is from rubbing at them. I look down at the counter, feeling the tears coming back. Softly shutting my eyes to force the tears out. 

“For the love of god,” I whisper to myself. 

Undressing myself and stepping into the shower, I stand with my face in the water. Feeling the warmth surrounding me, it feels safe. Once the water has completely soaked my hair, I sit on the tub floor, holding my knees close to me, letting the hot water beat against my back. You’re allowed to be sad, Charlotte. Tears freely fall down my face. I hate this. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Carefully squeezing the water out of my hair and clipping it out of my way, I pull on a comfortable sweatshirt and leggings. I quickly rub some moisturizer into my face, grab my phone, and head back to the couch. I sink back into my spot, pull my throw blanket back over me, and slouch down into the corner. 

I pull my phone out and see a handful of texts from Jacob sitting there. 

Jacob: Welllll.. Supposedly his actual name was Edward Teach .. or Thatch.. Nobody really has confirmation because Pirates didn’t always use their real surnames to not spoil the family name. 

Jacob: He obviously was the owner of Queen Anne’s Revenge, but it was originally a French Slave ship named La Concorde that he managed to capture. 

Jacob: When he died, they beheaded him and put his head on a STAKE at the entrance to Chesapeake Bay!

Jacob: Are you okay? Is this annoying?

Why do I want to cry? Well, nobody else is checking on you.  

Charlotte: No, you’re not annoying me. I showered, I should have let you know. I’m sorry. 

Rubbing my eyes until I see TV static and taking long breaths seem to be the only thing calming me down. Nobody taught me how to handle waves of grief. My stomach turns at the thought. 

Jacob: dont be sorry, its okay. 

Charlotte: Are you actually working right now.. by any chance? 

What are you doing? I don’t want to be alone right now. 

Letting out a deep breath, trying to unclench my jaw, it’s hard to relax.

Jacob: I don’t have to be. 

My hands tremble as I click on his name and promptly click on the ‘call’ button. Please pick up. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, “what’s going on?” 

“Hi,” I whisper. My throat immediately gets tight, and my lips shake.” Um,” I say, taking another long breath. 

“Oh,” he whispers, “hang on.” I can hear the music from the bar slowly fade before the click of the door shut. 

“Are you okay?” 

“No,” I whimper softly, “I can’t stop crying, and I’m nauseous, and I just don’t want to feel alone.” 

Oh, that was a lot. 

“Hey, hey, slow down,” his voice is calm. “I’ll stay on the phone with you; just take a little breath for me, okay?”

In through your nose, out through the mouth. 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but I hate that you’re so upset,” his voice getting a bit softer. 

“I don’t think I can say it out loud yet,” I confess, “It’s just- I’m sorry, it’s too much, and I-”

My breathing picks up again, and I can feel my heart pounding. This was a good idea, wasn’t it? 

“Honey, it’s okay,” he says, there’s that name again. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. We can talk about anything else.” 

Breathe Charlotte. Closing my eyes, more tears fall, but my breathing slows. 

“What have you done today?” he asks.

“Um, I took a shower and answered some emails,” my voice still struggling to stabilize.

“You were working?” 

“I thought it would help distract me, but it sort of made everything worse,” I said, sounding defeated. 

His soft laugh is almost enough to make me smile, “Have you eaten today?” he continues the light interrogation. 

“No, I’ve only had coffee,” I tell him. 

“Why don’t you make yourself something to eat?” His tone is still very calm; he really is good at this, “Maybe sleep a little if you can.”

He’s right. I probably should eat something, at least.

“I definitely feel like I could use a nap,” I let out a sad giggle, wiping my eyes for the millionth time. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you for a little bit?” 

My chest feels weird when he asks that. 

“If you don’t mind..” my voice was small, not wanting to be a pain. 

“I don’t mind one bit.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I stroll into my kitchen, open the cabinets, and stare into them. 

“What should I eat?” I question out loud.

“Food is probably your best bet,” he answers dryly, and I swear I can hear the smirk on his face. 

“Incredibly helpful, thank you.” 

His giggle rings through my ears, and I can feel the tug on the corners of my mouth. His laugh is cute. Reaching into the cabinet and pulling out my bag of pretzel crisps. 

“What’s the verdict?”

“Just some pretzels,” I mumble, knowing it’s not much. But I’m also not starving. 

“Lunch of Olympians, Charlotte.” 

This time, it’s my laugh radiating through the phone. Oh. I bring my hand up to cover my mouth once I realize it. 

“That might be the first time I’ve done anything other than cry today.” 

“Happy to help, m’lady.” 

I giggle at the mild English accent that snuck out, “I think if you learn much more, you’re gonna become a pirate.” 

“That isn’t a threat to me like you probably think it is,” he says. 

“Have to start calling you Captain Jake Sparrow,” 

He clears his throat before letting out a weak “Yeah,” followed by an uncomfortable laugh. 

“Um, so,” he starts, “what’s something that you enjoy too much? Since you’re so graciously laughing about mine.” 

Working. You like other things, Charlotte. But working is the most satisfying. Baking.. Reading.. Hello? 

“I read a lot,” I blurt out, realizing I was in my head, “and I like to bake.”  My hand covers my face as I tell him because I definitely sounded like I just pulled it out of my ass. 

“Oh! I read a fair bit myself; what are you reading?” 

Fuck. Yeah, go ahead and tell him what you read. 

I scan the book on my coffee table; it’s just another contemporary romance novel. I like to alternate more non-fiction things with some romance because I’m not a robot. I have a soft spot for sweet stories. Something about effortlessly falling in love or watching two characters pine over each other for a good majority of the book before allowing themselves to act on it. 

“Uhhh…” I stammer over myself. “I don’t know if you’d know it.”  I can feel the heat rise into my cheeks as he breathes through the phone, waiting for me to elaborate. Slumping down into the corner of the couch.

“What genre?”

“It’s uh.. a contemporary romance..” I whisper quickly. Look, there’s nothing wrong with romance novels, but with how I have learned to present myself while I’m working, it feels a bit silly to admit. 

“Ooohhhhh,” he taunts. “Are you secretly a little hopeless romantic, Red?”

“I am just a girl, Jacob. You asked the question.” I giggle at the nickname and the fact he’s calling me out so quickly. Scooting myself down further, so I’m practically lying down.

“Alright, alright, fair enough,” he laughs, “I read a lot of historical things, as you can imagine. So, consider me boring.” 

“You are far from boring,” I tell him, not meaning to have it come off like it probably did.

“I think my brothers would beg to differ,” he sighs.

“I’m almost positive that’s just a sibling thing that they’re required to do,” I readjust my arm underneath my pillow, switching my phone to speaker and setting it next to me, “But also, maybe I just don’t think pirates are boring. Who’s to say?”

“Hey Jake, can I bother you?” I hear faintly in the background, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Hang on for a second?” he asks quietly. 

“I’ll be here.” 

I close my eyes, just listening to the random sounds that pick up from his phone. God, I’m so tired. A yawn sneaks up on me, releasing a deep breath, and I can feel my body relax even more. I can feel my breathing change a bit, and my head feels heavier as I lie here. 

“Hi, I’m sorry,” he says. A small “oop” falling from my lips involuntarily. 

“Did I scare you?” he whispers this time.

“A little,” I mumble, my eyes still sewn shut, “I think I fell asleep.”

“Get some rest,” I swear I can hear the smile on his face, “we can talk later.” 

All I manage is an ‘mhm’ before I feel myself drifting back into my slumber. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

 My phone vibrates against my face, jolting me from my nap. Holy shit. Swiping away the unknown caller, tucking my arms back into my blanket, and closing my eyes. I don’t want to be awake yet. Deciding to lay there for a few more minutes before becoming a human again. 

Finally, I caved and opened my phone. Jacob’s messages were still pulled up, but I noticed new ones sitting at the bottom. 

Jacob: i hope you feel a little better when you wake up. It was really nice getting to talk to you. I mostly talk to my brothers at this point so it was refreshing

Jacob: not the you being sad part, just the rest of it obviously 

I audibly laugh at the second text. He’s so uncomfortable. 

I scroll through our messages for a moment with a small smile.  You’ve been grinning at these messages… Well, he is charming. I mean, he basically talked you down until you were relaxed enough to sleep. I can still hear his voice in my head, ‘Take a breath for me.’ The way he looked at me as he wiped the tears from my face, I don’t know what happened at that moment. I hear Cass in my head, “Stop thinking yourself out of happiness.” 

I set my phone down, quickly sat up, and grabbed my laptop from my coffee table. I opened it, pulled up my emails again, and scrolled for the email from my boss. Hitting reply, I quickly start typing;

‘Good evening,  Actually,- I may need to work remotely. After spending a few days checking in, it seems like some assistance may be required-’

Actually what? My hands are typing faster than I can coherently think, but it’s not entirely a lie; he does seem like he needs a little bit of help getting things in order, and with having to train Melody and get her certified, he’s going to be juggling a lot of things. 

‘I believe that Mr. Kiszka-’

 I giggle to myself, fully able to hear him from the first day I walked in saying, ‘Mr. Kiszka is my father.’ 

 ‘-has the capabilities to succeed, but he is still fairly new at this and is just trying to get caught up. He also has a new hire that he will be getting certified, and I will be assisting him with that process to ensure everything goes smoothly.’

Charlotte, you’re still emotional. Maybe you should just hold off on sending this. What do you mean by ‘you will be assisting him’? He’s fine! The words are flowing out from my fingertips, and I’m choosing to ignore the voices in my head this time. Okay, wow.

‘That said, I’ll be located within 30 minutes of Portland. If there are any other businesses you’d like me to check on while I’m there, please let me know. Have a great weekend,  Charlotte Rhodes’

I hit send with no second thought. 

Okay, so that was a dumb choice. You were much more assertive than you usually are, and that isn’t going to fair well. You weren’t that bad, but not giving an option for working remotely was definitely a choice. 

Shutting my laptop abruptly and setting it back on the coffee table, my heart is racing. Never done that before. Typically, I’m not someone who acts on emotions, but for some reason, today is different.

Charlotte: I knew what you meant, lol. I feel much more educated on pirates now. 

Jacob:  oh i have so much more i could tell you 

Charlotte: Well, I’m done working so.. I have time. 

Staring at our texts, I don’t know what I’m doing. My hands timidly scroll up, rereading our conversation. Why do I feel nervous? Noting that he’s been nothing but nice and helpful, my phone gently vibrates and automatically scrolls to the bottom as he replies. 

Jacob: be careful what you wish for dear

Charlotte: I’m already on board, it’s too late. 

I sink into the couch again, wondering if this is a mistake. I did kind of make an irrational decision.. Mmm… feels silly now, doesn’t it? But immediately remembering that, I promised my best friend that I would live a little. ‘It’s just a job, babe,’ plays in my head, and she’s right. It is just a job, and I’m still going to do my job, but  from Portland. Where we can talk to this nice boy, who seems like he’s just happy to have someone to talk to. But you also need to not lose your job for a-

Jacob: I hope you already have your sea legs then

Jacob: there were a million pirates in that era so we have a lot to go over

The nerves are nowhere to be seen, swallowed by my quiet laughter as I read his texts. I can only imagine how excited he probably is to talk to someone about this who isn’t going to groan or fake sleep during it. I will gladly take any distraction I can get tonight. The nice voice in my brain is just telling me, maybe we could be friends. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Five

Chapter Seven

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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[firehousefreak911]

Trying

Tw- trying for baby, pregnancy, negative test

*disclaimer- I know some people try for years and some never can have kids but I know from experience that even a few months of negative tests can break your heart. And for those who don’t know you can test negative one day and test positive the next.

You are gazing out the passenger window of your husband’s jeep as he flew down the road. You were deep in thought. You wanted to talk to him about starting a family but you didn’t know how to start the conversation.

“What’s going on inside that head of yours? He said, pulling you from your thoughts.

“‘Nothing, I’m just tired” you said, lying.

“Y/n Buckley, we’ve been together long enough for me to know when something is wrong.” He said pulling into the parking spot at your apartment. He adjusted in his seat to face you.

“There is nothing wrong” you say, adjusting to face him more, “ I didn’t want to have this conversation in the car but here goes, I want to have a baby”

“What?” He says, looking confused.

“I’m ready to start a family with you, Evan Buckley!” You admit.

He grins, and jumps out of the jeep. He runs to your side and opens your door. He takes you by the hand and helps you out. He plants a passionate kiss on your lips.

“You really had me scared there for a second” he almost runs into the apartment holding your hand.

“Lets get started then” he says, giving you a mischievous grin and puts you up on the kitchen counter.

~~

You sat in the floor against the tub. You waited anxiously for your timer to go off.

Beep beep beep

You jumped up. You grabbed the test on the counter. You slowly look at the words on the screen.

*negative*

You sigh. You throw it in the garbage can and wash your hands. You exit the bathroom to find your husband on the bed.

“So?” He asked.

You plopped down next to him. You shake your head no.

“Well we will just keep trying“ he said. He is such a positive person. He is always looking at the bright side it kills him that you have been so depressed. You can tell he is hurting too but he is staying positive for you.

“Buck, can you just stop trying to be Mr. Bright Side for once?” You snap, storming down the stairs. He chases behind you.

“I’m sorry I just hate to see you like this!” He yells back.

“Evan, I want one thing and I’m constantly failing at it! How do you want me to feel?” You say.

“Y/n, we’ve only just started trying, you’ve got to give it time.” He says

“I know but it hurts” you admit sitting on the bar stool.

He looks over at the stove clock. He centers himself between your legs with his hands on your thighs. He plants a kiss on you lips.

“Look I’ve got to go but we can talk about this later, I love you so much and it pains me to see you upset and to know there is no way to help” he says before moving your bangs out of the way and kissing you. He places his forehead on yours.

“I love you too” you whisper.

“We will figure this out” he says before he grabs his stuff and heads to the door.

“I love you” he says again.

“I love you, stay safe, make it home to me” you recite the phrase you say every-time he leaves for shift.

“I promise”

~

It was the next morning. You knew you would regret it but you just had to take another test. Something was telling you it would be different.

After what seemed like an eternity the timer went off, you picked up the test and revealed the words, “Pregnant”. You couldn’t believe it. You took 4 more test just to be sure. You slid down the bathroom wall. You couldn’t help but smile. You couldn’t wait to tell Buck. You were going to go to the firehouse for lunch you would tell him then.

You hopped in the shower. You heard your phone ringing on the bathroom counter. You had missed the call before you reached your phone. It was Eddie. You thought how weird it was he was calling. Maybe Buck’s phone died or he dropped it again. But before you could do anything else he called again.

“Buck? Did you forget your charger again?” You ask laughing.

“Y/n, its Eddie” Buck’s best friend says on the other line.

“How bad is it?” You reply, automatically knowing that he was called because Buck was hurt.

“He’s stable but we won’t know how bad until they get to the hospital”he said

“I’m on my way” you said, you rushed and got dressed.

You got to the hospital. You found Eddie in the waiting room. The rest of the team was going to finish the shift and come down. Maddie came rushing in right behind you.

“They just took him to CT” Eddie says.

“Eddie be honest how bad is it?”

“Mild concussion, probably a few broken ribs, they don’t know about any lung damage until after the CT” he said.

Just then the nurse came out.

“Buckley?” She called.

The 3 of you walk to her.

“I’m his wife” you say.

“He is out of Ct and in a room if you want to see him” she said.

The 3 of you follow her down the hallway. You enter the room to see your husband all banged up laying in the bed.

“Hey beautiful ” he says weakly with a smile.

You take a sit by the bed, Maddie on the other, Eddie standing close by.

“You scared us” you say.

“I’m sorry” he replies.

Y’all all talk a bit.

“I’m going to go call the team” Eddie says.

“I’m going to go get some air” Maddie says catching the feeling in the air.

“I know everytime you leave that there is a chance you won’t come and I just have to learn to be ok with it” you say.

“Hey look at me, I keep my promises, I promise you every shift that I will make it home and I don’t plan on breaking it.” He says grabbing your hand.

“Good, because I can’t do this on my own” you say starting to smile and pulling the pregnancy test from your hoodie pocket.

Buck looks at your hand and takes the test. A smile slowly creeps across his face.

“Really?” He says.

“I took it this morning, well actually I took 5 test this morning.” You say.

“Come here” he says. You lean in he grabs the back of your head and kisses you.

~

It was a few days later. Buck was home. He went back to work the next day so you we’re having the team over tonight to tell them the good news.

You went to the doctor yesterday to confirm the pregnancy, you were 8 weeks, it was early but you knew Buck couldn’t spend 24 hour shifts with people and not tell them.

Everyone was gathered around talking and laughing. You and Buck were in the kitchen. He had his arms around you. You had your back to him, you head leaned back on his chest.

“This is everything I have ever dreamed of” he whispers, secretly putting his hand on your stomach.

“Hey guys!” Buck says loudly getting everyone attention.

“First off, I’d like to thank everyone for coming, and we have an announcement!” He says.

You grab 4 bags from the stairs, one for Maddie, Chimney, Eddie and Bobby.

You hand them each the bags. Everyone watches as the open.

They each pull out a onesie. All 4 of them read the onesies in confusion and then start smiling.

“Alright now share with the rest of the class” says Hen

Maddie turns hers around it say, “My aunt saves life”

Chimney does the same, “My uncle saves lives”

Eddie hold his up, smiling so big, “My uncle can kick your butt”

Bobby laughs and shows his “You have a grandpa I have a Captain”

“I’m on 8 weeks but if something was to happen who better to know than the best firehouse in the LAFD” you say

Everyone starts congratulating you and hugging you.

This was finally the start to a happy future.

[boydepartment]

hii i’m here to make a request (omg i definitely didn’t tell u i was doing this)

could you write something about boyfriend hyunnie just comforting the reader when they can’t sleep, just lots of fluff and sleepy hyun maybe idk HAHA 🫶🏻🫶🏻 thank u ily <33

authors note: heheheheh ily soooooo much I got this

Kiss Me- Sixpence None The Richer

wc: 500

warnings: none

You found yourself once again tossing and turning, it started to become a normal occurrence lately with Hyunjin always getting back late from work. It wasn’t his fault and you’d never blame him, let alone tell your boyfriend about your sleeping problems coming up again. He’s known a little bit about it in the past but you’ve never made it a big deal.

Hyunjin was always very doting; you’re his world, so you telling him would make him feel bad. That would make you feel worst and-

Ugh… You flipped again and this position was somehow even worse than the last 50 positions you sprawled yourself out in. Taking a deep breath you looked at the time, squinting in the moonlit room at the old fashioned alarm clock. The little hands telling you it was 12:32, obviously am.

You sat up and took in your surroundings, your eyes were well adjusted to the dark by now due to trying to fall asleep for the past hour and a half. Taking a deep breath you stood up and walked to the living room. Flipping on the lights you screamed seeing a tall figure just standing there.

“BABY IT’S ME IT’S ME!” Your boyfriend practically hunched over and walked quickly towards you. He felt awful for coming home late again AND scaring the love of his life. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you and slightly moved both of you back and forth.

“Oh! I DIDNT know you were home!” You spoke now melting into his touch. Your heart rate calming down at the sight of him. He wasn’t touchy with a lot of other people, but with you. Sometimes you’d have to pry him off.

“Chan let us out early.” He mumbled and nuzzled his head in your shoulder, “did I wake you?”

You shook your head no, “I’ve been up… I couldn’t sleep, I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin looked up from your shoulder, “baby why’re you apologizing? There’s nothing to apologize for.” He kissed around your face, trying to make you feel better.

You shrugged and looked away from him, you felt guilty for not telling him how much you haven’t been able to sleep. Hyunjin’s hand went to yours and he softly squeezed.

“Are your sleeping problems coming up again?”

You looked up at him somewhat in shock, “what do you mean?”

Hyunjin’s eyes softened, “when we first started dating and you mentioned your sleeping issues briefly, I took note of that. I also researched and maybe I asked your mom.”

Your eyes went from shock to pure adoration, “you asked my mom about it?”

“Well duh obviously if you have a problem I’m gonna ask about it.” He huffed and looked away, seemingly embarrassed. You let out a small laugh and put your hands on his face.

“You’re so sweet.”

He looked at you, melting instantly. You two always had that effect on eachother.

Any embarrassment he had went away. The only thing in Hyunjin’s eyes was love and care for you.

“I got you a couple things actually.” Hyunjin walked to his bag and pulled out a new blanket and a new book to read, “I wanted to make up for some of the late nights recently. Well and now scaring you really bad when I came home.”

You smiled and practically jumped in his arms, “thank you, this means a lot to me… you’re the best…”

Hyunjin let out a giggle and held you even with the stuff in his hands, “I know. Best boyfriend of the universe award goes to me!”

You pulled away and gave him a look which made him giggle even more.

“Let me shower and get ready for bed and I’ll join you.” He said softly, giving you a kiss on the head, and walking to the bathroom.

You made your way back to the bed and got under the covers with your new blanket, of course. Soon enough you heard the hairdryer stop and your boyfriend was skipping to the bed to join you.

Hyunjin was definitely SKIPPING too, you could hear it in his footsteps and it made you giggle slightly. He curled up next to you and put his hand on your waist.

“Flip over I want to talk.” He whined, you did so and looked at him.

Hyunjin was truly one of a kind. His eyes looked so pretty whenever he looked at you.

“Hi.” You smiled up at him, the bed wasn’t uncomfortable anymore with your other half laying in it with you.

“Hi.” He kept staring at you.

You helped pull the covers over him better.

Hyunjin smiled at you, “when you have trouble sleeping I read online that reading an actual paper book helps. And I bought teas a couple weeks ago that could help too.”

“You really did your research huh?” You yawned and stretched as much as you could with him engulfing you.

“Of course I did my research. I love you and want you to be healthy.” Hyunjin let out a yawn after you.

“I love you too… Can you tell me about your day?” You asked, laying your head on him more.

Hyunjin nodded, “yeah I can… so…”

As Hyunjin went on about his day, you felt your eyes become heavy. Although when he mentioned Jisung totally eating shit while walking down the hall, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. As he talked his thumb would softly rub your eyebrow, the comforting action made you even more sleepy. You felt yourself feeling as light as a feather as you drifted off to dreamland.

“Goodnight my darling.”

[xoxoladyaz]

AU-gust, Day 3: Writer

TW: References to monster smut and genitalia, Shrek

Robin’s mad at him.

(Well, mad isn’t the right word. Frustrated? Annoyed? Shocked by his enduring stupidity? All of those are probably better options.)

“Seriously, dingus? You haven’t told him yet?!”

Steve anxiously ran his fingers through his no-longer perfectly-styled coif. “I’ve tried, Robin! It’s just kind of hard to tell the guy that you’re falling in love with that you write monster porn for a living!”

It had started when he was a senior in college, reeling from his break-up with Nancy and trying desperately to find anything to distract himself from his heartbreak. It was a total joke at first, trying to find the cringiest romances he could find and reading them with Robin as they got progressively more and more drunk on whatever cheap booze he’d squirreled away from Tommy that week. But then one night he found himself in bed crying when Matthias the Minotaur sacrificed his life for his one-true love and he couldn’t stand it because Matthias deserved a happy ending after everything he’d been through and Steve had read enough of these books, for fuck’s sake, he could write a better ending!

It was just a hobby for a while, a secret shame that got him through the doldrums of working for his father while trying to figure out what he wanted to do next. Steve could never keep anything from Robin, though, and while she initially teased him for writing “monster porn,” after she read one of his stories she demanded he submit it to some indie romance publishing houses and she didn’t give up until he had done so and now – well, now Steve was making a truly obscene amount of money off of his many, many monstrous and paranormal romance books (with Robin as his editor, of course) and had kissed his shitty parents goodbye.

(And if his pen name was his father’s name, which meant that anytime someone googled “Richard Harrington” the first thing that popped up were book titles like “Prisoner of the Gargoyle’s Heart” and not his father’s incredibly influential law office, well, that was just payback for twenty-five years of bullshit.)

The thing is, Steve isn’t even ashamed of it, not really. He’s always been a kinky guy, first of all, and besides, it’s not all about the sex (although his sex scenes are some of the best in the business and he hadn’t shied away from writing queer books when the rest of the world had.) What he liked most about the stories he wrote was that regardless of what his monsters had looked like, or lived through, or done in their past, or where they’d come from, they all found someone who loved them because of their differences - because of their monstrousness – and not in spite of it.

(And yeah, okay, he liked the sex stuff too. Who wouldn’t want to fuck a dragon with two dicks? Or Prince Titian, the golden-haired merman who had both sets of humanoid genitalia? Or Neptus, the half-man, half-octopus who had all those huge tentacles - )

“Dingus. Stop thinking about Neptus.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, shaking his head. “How did you - ”

“Because I know you, Steve Harrington, and there’s only one person slash fictional entity that you get that weird horny look for and honestly, I could have lived my entire life without knowing about your tentacle thing - ”

“ROBIN, it’s not – I don’t have a tentacle thing ­- ”

“ – but we can deal with your weird fetishes another day, right now we need to discuss why your boyfriend still thinks that you’re an accountant and the fact that you need to tell your boyfriend about your job so I can tell my girlfriend about my job so she understands why I need so much therapy and why I know so much about your sexual preferences - ”

“Jesus, Robin, I got it, I got it!” Steve stood and headed for his minibar. “Look, it’s not – it’s not that I don’t want to tell him, it’s just – people can get kind of weird about it.”

“Yeah, and those people suck,” Robin replied as she followed after him. “But Eddie isn’t Nancy or Tommy or Cheryl or Brad or Kel, he’s Eddie.”

“Yeah, world-famous-high-fantasy-author-Eddie-Munson! He’s, like, actually legit Robin! He’s won the Hugo Award twice!”

“He also likes to go to the Renaissance fair dressed up as a faun and annoy people by playing the pipes, Steve. And you’ve seen his weird monster dildo collection which I know you have too - ”

“I know, I know!” Steve exclaimed as he poured both himself and Robin a glass of Merlot. “I just,” Steve turned to face Robin and sighed. “I’m just scared, Robin. Like, it hasn’t even been that long but he makes me feel – I don’t even know, like, I haven’t felt this way about someone since Nancy, you know? And Eddie - this feels like it could be more than that. Like a forever sort of thing.”

Robin sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I know, dingus. And I know that people have you given you all kinds of shit in the past, but that’s not going to be Eddie. And if it is Eddie, I will kick his ass into the ocean and feed him to your squid-man.”

“Neptus isn’t a squid man, Robin - ”

/////

Robin was right, of course. Robin was always right.

(Except for when it came to best Marvel movie, she said Civil War when everyone knew that Thor: Ragnarok was the superior film.)

Anyways.

Robin was right, it was time for Steve to tell Eddie the truth. And Steve had known that too, knew that stretching it much longer than two months would probably end really, really badly, especially if Eddie didn’t take it well, but enough of his relationships (romantic and otherwise) had been ruined by people just not understanding or not caring enough to try to understand his stories or why he loved what he did, but Eddie was different. Successful and handsome and creative and intelligent? Sure, Steve had dated people who had all those qualities before. But only Eddie Munson spent hours on the phone with Steve’s friends, talking them through their D&D related problems. Only Eddie Munson showed up on their first date with flowers for Steve, when Steve was the one who normally had to go all out for his partner. 

And only Eddie Munson would learn Steve’s favorite Taylor Swift songs in his free time (instead of the latest Metallica or Ghost) because he wanted to make Steve smile, which is what Eddie was in the middle of doing when Steve finally worked up the nerve to tell him. 

“The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is - ”

“Hey, uh, Eddie? I kind of need to tell you something,” Steve interrupted him as he walked into the living room, beers in hand.

Eddie stopped what he was doing at Steve’s entrance and beamed, setting his acoustic guitar off to the side. “Everything alright, angel?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I just – here,” Steve handed him a beer. He waited until Eddie had taken a sip (and swallowed) before continuing. “I, uh, well – look, we’ve been dating for two months now - ”

“Two months, three days and fourteen hours,” Eddie winked as he took another sip.

“ – and – right,” Steve flushed bright red at the look in Eddie’s eyes. “Right. Uh, anyways, we’ve been dating for two months and I just thought it was time to tell you and – okay, it’s not a big deal but it is kind of a big deal? But not what you’re probably thinking, I’m not, like, married or anything, I – I’m not an accountant, okay, I’m a writer!”

“I know.”

“ – not, like, a normal writer, I write – wait, what?” Steve gaped at Eddie. “You – what?!”

“Baby,” Eddie started slowly, his finger running in tempting circles around the rim of his beer, “you know I know people in the romance world, right?”

“I – what? You knew this whole time?”

“Yep,” Eddie shot Steve a sultry smirk along with another wink. “I knew exactly who you were when I asked you out, big boy. Or, I knew who Robin was and I put two and two together.”

“I – how?!”

“Baby, you didn’t even change your last name.”

Steve just sat there in stunned silence while Eddie continued to sip on his beer, a teasing gleam in his eyes. “But – I – and you’re okay with it?”

At that, Eddie’s smile grew a bit more serious, and he set his beer down on the coffee table so he could hold Steve’s hands in his. “Of course I am, sweetheart. You’re insanely talented, Stevie.”

“I – I write porn, Eddie. With monsters in it.”

“I know, it’s stupidly hot.”

“But you – it could hurt your career if people found out,” Steve said softly, sadly, squeezing Eddie’s hands. “People – people would give you so much shit, Eddie.”

Eddie squeezed back. “Steve, my nickname was ‘The Freak’ in high school. I was a poor kid with shitty parents who was raised in a trailer park. People have given me shit my entire life and frankly, I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what anyone said about you and your writing. If anything, people are going to ask me what the fuck someone as handsome and gifted as you is doing with someone like me.”

Steve snorted and Eddie let out a laugh. “I mean it! You’re like Prince Charming or some shit and I’m the ogre living in the swamp.”

Eddie froze for a few seconds before a maniacal grin overtook his face.

“Eddie?”

“Stevie, baby, have you ever considered a sexy Shrek retelling?”

“No. No.”

(“There’s an Ogre in His Swamp” was released on April Fool’s Day the following year. The author, Richard Harrington, posted a dedication in this book, the first of many that he would dedicate to his husband, E. W. Munson:

To my Ogre – thank you for being my happily ever after.)

[tea-and-secrets]

A few weeks ago, there was this guy on discord who I was friends with for about two months, and we were pretty close. We’ll call him William for this. He read my fanfics, I listened to the music he made, etc. One thing you need to know for context? He vented. A LOT. Which isn’t a problem in itself, but in this situation…

Anyways, we both decided we were questioning if we liked the other, and we were gonna be honest while figuring this stuff out. At which point, he would dm me almost NONSTOP throughout the course of the day. I couldn’t always respond, of course, which made me feel bad. He was usually sweet about it. But the amount of times he messaged me (we’re talking 100-200 DMs a day, even when I wasn’t responding, and most of those were vents), it was stressing me out a LOT. I have really bad anxiety, and I had other things going on my life at that point. So in a mutual server, I made a ping to my friends (including him) that I was going to be offline for a day or two due to mental health reasons. The majority of my friends were really sweet and understanding, told me to take my time. But William just spammed me more.

He accused me of not pinging him about the situation but pinging everyone else (which, I made sure he was included in the role I was pinging; if he wasn’t, I didn’t know, but he shouldn’t have gotten angry so fast), and he was really mad. He continued to constantly vent about our relationship, still messaging 100-200+ times a day, even though I said I was on break. Eventually he asked if I wanted him to ignore me, to which I finally responded with a “no”. I learned later that he was really asking me if I wanted him to give me space, AND the reason he kept spamming me is because he thought that, because we were considering dating, I’d still respond to him, even if I wasn’t to other people. Which is fair, I guess. But… 100-200 messages or more, every day, most of which are vents when I’ve already said I’m going on a break because of a depressive episode…?

And THEN. After I had come back from my break, I told William that I was so sorry but I didn’t think I could handle an online romantic relationship with him. I told him I was going to go offline for a few minutes after saying that because I was a coward (I literally said THAT; keep in mind, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I know what I did probably wasn’t the best way to handle that, but… He’d been saying some things that were kind of obsessive while I was on break.) When I came back, he’d completely flipped out, said some things that sounded downright obsessive, and I didn’t respond because he was scaring me, and then said he was going to (tw) unalive himself if I didn’t respond.

At that point, I’d also checked his messages on a mutual server, where he’d been talking with one of my friends who I’d introduced him to a week or two ago. We’ll call this friend Stella. Stella messaged me and sent me some screenshots of what had happened between them and William after I left… and here’s where I learned who he really was. He called them some nasty things (some slurs), accused them of turning me against him, and later said he’d done it just because he knew it would cross my boundaries to insult one of my closest friends. So, of course… I sent one last message to him, telling him to call the su!c!de hotline and that I was so sorry, and blocked him.

Aaand then the online friends I had who he also sent crappy things to made a spam account and talked with him like a friend- there’s more to the story but this is already WAY too long and I have no idea how to use Tumblr TvT

.

[mouthfullofmunson]

I kinda wanna write a modern older pornstar/ camboy Eddie 😢

No bc picture this

Like he’s early twenties, just got out of school and he saved up enough to get his own little apartment (I’m thinking neighbors to lovers🤭) and he has to figure out how to keep up with his bills and stuff but he works a stupid job stocking shelves at a market and it’s just not paying the bills

So one night he stumbles onto a random cam website and he’s like… “hm, doesn’t seem so bad 🤨”

So he starts playing with his cock on live, giving a little show to the people that watch

And then after he sits back and watches the money flow in

And maybe y/n is his shy neighbor who has a crush on him and is always too nervous to knock on his door to tell him that his music is too loud and she’s trying to study but then touches herself when she can hear him jerking off through the thin walls

And he didn’t think much of it, she’s cute, and she always gets nervous and smiley when they bump into each other or when he talks to her at all

Especially nervous when they had to evacuate their building because someone started a fire trying to make a grilled cheese

And the only thing y/n had to cover her body was a towel since she was in the middle of a bubble bath

He just thinks she’s really cute, he would definitely like to see what’s under that towel

But he doesn’t notice her giant crush on him

And one night she goes on a a cam sight and notices that the man that gets her all wet and sticky just from watching him heel off and hear his moans has the same tattoos that her neighbor does

It couldn’t be a coincidence… right?

Especially when she notices that the ringed hand that is sliding up and down the mans cock are the stand exact hands that slip up and down her arms to try and warm her up while the sat and waited for the clear to go back inside

So she finally gets the courage to knock on his door once she goes on the cam site and notices that he’s live

So she walks over ignoring the throbbing in her panties and waits for him to open up

Which obviously takes a while and it’s super scrambled so he’s breathless and shirtless while he opens up

“Hi, sorry to bother but I’ve got a bookshelf I’ve been meaning to set it up for the past two months and finally my giant pile of books collapsed and I decided enough is enough and I need some help setting it up and I don’t know anyone else to ask”

And she can’t stop with her rambling since Eddie is leaning against the door frame with his chest glistening and a bulge in his pants

“Yeah, I’ll help you”

So they go over to her place and after an hour of trying to set up the complicated bookshelf that came with no instructions he gives up and reaches for her laptop to see if he can find any instructions on there

“Wait no, I’ve got my phone!” But it’s too late and he already sees what is open on the screen

And of course the rambling starts “I’m so sorry! I’m promise I’m not down like weird pervert stalker or anything! I just noticed a couple days ago I get if you don’t want to talk anymore! You can leave, it’s fine”

But Eddie thinks it’s so cute that she’s been getting off to him without knowing for so long, so cute and so clueless :)

So I’m obviously leaning toward camboy idk…

Let me know what you think 🤭

:)

[specialagentlokitty]

Mr Evershed x student!reader - communication

Hey! I read your recent Evershed x daughter readers about anxiety and they were written beautifully! I was wondering if maybe i could request and evershed student or daughter reader it doesn't matter which, where the reader is mute or only really speaks a few words and evershed tries to get to the bottom of it? Thanks for taking the time🤍 - Anon 💜

Sitting at the back of the classroom, you were busy working on the work you had been given to complete that you didn’t notice the teacher walking around.

“How are you doing (Y/N)?”

You jumped a little, snapping out of your own little world, and you looked up.

Seeing Mr Evershed you smiled at him, moving your hands away from your book so he could take a look.

He crouched next to your table, and he turned your book towards him so he could read through your work, and he nodded his head, mumbling to himself as he read what you were writing.

“This is good, have you read this book before?”

You gave a small nod.

“I can tell, this is great stuff, is there anything you need help with?”

This time you shook your head.

Smiling, he turned the book back towards you.

“I didn’t think there was, great work.”

He got up and carried on making his rounds.

He was used to you now, he knew you didn’t talk.

He had never heard you talk, and from what he could gather nobody had, so he, much like all your other teachers learned that in order to get through to you they needed to ask closed questions.

Questions you could easily respond to without actually having to speak or write too much down for.

It made it easier for you, and it made it easier for him to figure out what you needed, if you in fact needed help or not.

Though he was still curious about your lack of verbal communication.

Sometimes he did see if he could try catch you out, but you always knew and never verbally responded to him.

So when you approached his desk at the end of the lesson with a bit of paper in hand he decided to just outright ask you.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded.

“You don’t have to answer, but you never talk. Is there a reason for this? Is it anything we can help with?”

You stared r him and he smiled slightly.

“Sorry, is there a reason?”

You nodded.

“Is it anything we can help with?”

This time you shook your head, and you smiled a little at him.

“Alright, that’s alright. Thank you. Do you want me to write these down in an email for you?”

You nodded again, waving as you left the classroom.

He hadn’t really solved his curiosity, but he did have a little bit more in an insight.

He had spent time researching why people wouldn’t talk, but he wasn’t sure which one would match your situation.

You had confirmed there was a reason, but not if you could actually speak or not.

He wondered if it was something he could help with, since you had a mandatory speaking exam at the end of the year and he wasn’t sure you could get out of it.

So after the following lesson, he asked you to stay behind and you sat patiently.

“I want you to understand you’re not in any kind of trouble, alright?”

You nodded.

“You understand there is a speaking exam at the end of the year?”

You nodded again.

“Unfortunately there isn’t a way we’re able to get you out of it. The exam board won’t be willing to consider making you exempt without a reason.” He explained.

You sighed, looking down at the table.

“I’ve tried everything I can think off.”

You nodded your head and looked up at him, then you grabbed some paper and a pen from your bag.

‘Is there anything I can do?’

“Well, you either have to sit the exam, or you have to tell them exactly why you can’t.”

You nodded a small bit.

You didn’t know what to do.

You hadn’t spoken in school. Or to anyone for that matter.

So you couldn’t exactly sit an exam for speaking.

But you hadn’t told anybody why either, and you didn’t know if you could tell some strangers why.

You felt conflicted about what to do, and you looked at Mr Evershed who offered you a reassuring smile.

You knew you could trust him, so you debated on if you could trust him to help you on this too, and maybe for the first time you could let somebody know the truth about your lack of verbal communication

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

high infidelity | seven

My baby's fly like a jet stream, high above the whole scene, loves me like I'm brand new *Ellie’s POV* I woke up in a panic, forgetting where I was. I felt clammy and delirious. My hair was knotted and my face felt greasy since I forgot to take off my make up last night. My eyes wondered over to the tattooed arm that was beside me and relief washed over me, it was Noah. “Good morning.” He says putting his phone down and kissing my forehead. Suddenly my hangover hit me and my head felt like it split in two. “Morning.” I mumbled. “I feel awful.” “Tequila?” He asks as he scrunches his face up. I just nod, even the word tequila made me want to gag. “Well I hate to make you feel worse but I got us flights back to up to Vancouver, we leave in three hours.” “Oh god.” I moaned and I buried my head back into my pillow. He laughs and walks over to the bathroom. I hear the shower running and he comes back over to me with Advil and a bottle of water.

“I’ll order us some breakfast.” He smirks, I could tell he was trying not to laugh more at the state I was in. “Go shower, it’ll wake you up.” I wanted to protest, but a shower felt like a great idea. I grabbed my stuff and headed into the bathroom. After my shower I threw on my hoodie from last night with leggings and put my hair up in a claw clip with minimal make up to make myself at least look human. I came out of the bathroom and our breakfast was already waiting for us. We had coffees with pancakes and bacon, my favourite which also seemed to be Noah’s. After we were done eating we ordered an Uber and made our way to the airport. *Noah’s POV* I had to admit Ellie was handling her hangover better than I could’ve. I held her hand the entire ride to the airport and kept stealing glances at her. I couldn’t help myself. I’m still trying to figure out how I landed myself in such a lucky situation. Nick texted me to say they were just leaving Seattle and it felt weird I wasn’t there with them. He was right, this was definitely a different routine but if it meant having Ellie with me I was more than happy to switch it up. Once we got to the airport we checked in, made our way through security and found the first Starbucks we could find. “I’ll have a grande nitro brew and …” “A venti iced matcha with oat milk.” Ellie chimed in.   “God, you’re so basic.” I laughed as I gave the cashier my credit card. I looked over at Ellie and she told me to go fuck myself, which made me laugh more. We couldn’t stop making each other laugh and we were acting like this wasn’t our first time flying together. Ellie was just so incredible and she was easily one of the funniest people I’ve met without even trying. I felt like my heart was going to explode.

 “This is a very strange first date.” she chuckled as we got on the plane. “I know.” I replied as I reached over and helped her with her belt, not breaking my stare from her. “except you can’t go anywhere.” “Noah Sebastian, is that a threat?” She smirks. “Could be.” I replied with a deep tone.  She put her hand on my lap and I could feel myself getting hard, which wasn’t ideal. I always used to rush into things and with Ellie I wanted to slow down and establish something cause this was so delicate. I was ready whenever she was. “I was thinking about starting Demon Slayer again, do you wanna watch it?” I said, distracting myself from feeling like a horny teenager. Ellie just nodded and I pulled my iPad and AirPods out of my bag. I passed her an AirPod and she rested her head on my shoulder and I pressed play, mind you I was too focused on her thumb rubbing circles on my thigh. “You’re not gonna know the plot looking down there.” She chuckles as she looks up at me. My face got hot and drew my eyes back to my iPad. She was driving me absolutely crazy. The flight was only an hour so we got to Vancouver before we knew it. We were waiting at baggage claim for my suitcase, which I realized was a stupid idea for only being gone for two days. Ellie was making a joke about me being high maintenance but her phone interrupted her. She stopped dead in her tracks and her face went white. Tyler was calling her and I instantly saw red. “Hello…why do you think I’m divorcing you…I’ve known for a month…no I’m done Tyler…where was this effort when I raised our son on my own while you were out with her…call my lawyer to figure out a date…I’m not sorry…I’m done…yes I’m in town still…no I’m staying at a hotel right now…whatever.” She hung up the phone and was a lot more calm than I would’ve been. I pulled her into my chest and felt her take a huge breath. At least I knew she was safe with me and nothing would hurt her.

[thirstyforcharacters]

Healing

Part 3 of the Mistakes Series

Part 1: Mistakes. Part 2: Reconnection

Summary: The past repeats itself, but Joel refuses to make the same mistake twice.

Warnings: angst!! canon typical violence, brief description of gunshot wound, Joel is finally getting good at emotions :)

WC: 1279

Notes: Hellooooo! I wasn’t sure if I was going to write a part 3, but I was inspired, so I wrote the entire thing this morning! Finally, we get to the fluffy stuff, but of course I still had to sprinkle in some angst! This is definitely the last full installment of the series, but I wouldn’t mind writing some blurbs and whatnot about these two, so if you still want to see this pairing, you can totally send me some requests for that :) or if you just want to send requests in general, feel free to do that as well! thank you all so much for reading this series: I’ve never written this much angst before, so I was afraid it wouldn’t turn out well, but I’m super thankful that you all enjoyed Mistakes!!!

PS: anything in italics is a flashback :)

Things were awkward for a while.

You didn’t feel as though you could fully trust him yet. You were too afraid of him hurting you again. But you adored Ellie, and because Ellie insisted upon you coming over and sharing her stack of comic books, Joel slowly became a more consistent figure in your life again. As spring became summer, you learned to trust him more. You told him about your solo travels, how you had taken out a raiding party single handedly and survived more than one encounter with Infected. He opened up to you as well, telling you the tale of how he and Ellie came to Jackson just a few months ago. You really felt for him: the things they had been through were terrifying, and you could see how much the two had grown to care for each other throughout their journey. And seeing the way Joel loved Ellie gave you hope. That maybe he could love you and not shut you out.

Little did you know that that theory would be tested sooner than you expected.

The two of you were paired up for patrol often (which Tommy said was because “you’re one of the only people he tolerates in this town, and I need a break sometimes.”), and today was no different. You were trudging along the craggy mountain path, stepping over long, broken branches, dodging wildlife, and trying not to make too much noise. During this part of the patrol, you always walked in silence, not wanting to attract unwanted attention. There would be time for talking once you got to the safehouse, a cabin that you were now about halfway to.

The silence was broken by a gunshot. You barely remembered what happened next.

You collapsed to the ground, pressing your hand to your stomach as it became coated with red.

Joel couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe as he saw you fall. He could only think of the first time.

“Sweetheart, please.”

His pleas fell upon deaf ears. Your eyes had fluttered shut as you lost consciousness, unable to reply.

“JOEL!”

Tess’s shout was the only thing that pulled him from his own head. He had never moved so fast, scooping you up without a second thought and sprinting after Tess, carrying you the entire way to Bill and Frank’s without rest.

“Y/n will be okay, Joel,” Tess assured him, “Frank will take care of things.”

Joel nodded, barely hearing as he ran. He needed you. Holy shit, he needed you. More than he needed anyone else in this god-forsaken hellscape. He loved you too much.

He shook it off, seeing the concealed figures through the bushes. He saw red, going after the raiders with a rage he had only felt a few times. When Sarah was shot. When he killed an entire warehouse of Fireflies for Ellie. And now, for you.

The raiders had no chance. They dropped like flies under Joel’s thunderous fury, with knives sunk into their stomachs, gunshots to their hearts, and fists breaking in their faces until they could speak no more. When they were all dead, the threat of any danger to you taken care of, he ran to your side, seeing your eyes were already closed.

“Shit,” he hissed, quickly tearing off strips of his shirt to tie around you and attempt to staunch the bleeding, “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Not fuckin dying on my watch.”

He picked you up, not unlike the first time, as he ran to Jackson. The year and a half between the first time he did this and now was affecting him: his legs burned and his breaths were ragged. But he didn’t stop. Not for a goddamn minute. He needed you.

It felt far too long before he saw the towering, wooden gates to the town, which swung open almost immediately as the gatekeepers saw the scene before them. Joel sprinted down the streets, carrying your limp body to the infirmary.

The doors burst open as Dr. Casey and two nurses saw Joel, frantically looking around with you in his arms.

“Raiders,” was all he could get out, but they understood.

“Here,” the doctor said as calmly as she could, gesturing toward a table, “we’ll get the bullet out and stitch Y/n up. Don’t worry.”

Joel grit his teeth. Don’t worry? How in the absolute hell was he supposed to do that? But he didn’t say a thing as Dr. Casey got to work. He trusted the doctor fully: she was one of the few people who actually was a doctor before everything went to shit, so she knew what she was doing. But he was terrified. He just got you back, and he could lose you again.

One of the nurses, Allen, who had been there when you were first brought to Jackson, looked at him and said, “Joel. Y/n will be okay. We promise.”

He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat as the door swung open again.

It was Ellie, who for once, didn’t speak. She just gently took Joel’s hand and led him to their home. And he broke down, holding one of his girls as he cried for the other.

It was a few hours before a knock sounded as his door.

It was Allen, who had a soft smile on his face.

“Y/n’s fine. Lost a decent bit of blood, so she’s still weak. But she’s okay. Do you want to se-”

He couldn’t even finish his sentence as Joel bolted past him in the direction of the clinic.

Ellie giggled, “Sorry, he’s just excited. So I’ll thank you for the both of us.”

Allen nodded, smiling a little wider, “Whole town thought he’d be a grump forever. But having both of you in his life seems like it’s helping.”

She smiled, “It’s not just helping him.”

The door to the infirmary burst open again, but with a much different purpose. You were in the corner. You were bandaged and pretty beat up, but you were alive. You and Dr. Casey looked up at the sound of the wooden doors banging against the wall. You couldn’t help the fond smile that made its way onto your features as a blur of a black flannel and blue jeans burst onto the scene, wrapping you up into his tight embrace.

“I’ll leave you alone,” the doctor whispered before disappearing into a back room.

“‘M okay, Joel,” you murmured, your voice muffled into the fabric of his shirt, “you saved me. I’m okay.”

Hearing your voice confirm the very words he needed to hear allowed him to catch his breath.

“Thought I lost you again,” he said, gripping your shirt with calloused hands.

You shook your head, “Didn’t lose me.”

He pulled away, gently cupping your face in his hands. You could see the wetness beginning to gather in his eyes.

“I-” he swallowed hard, “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” you assured him, “I won’t leave you.”

There was still a bit of fear in you. There was still a chance of him pushing you away as soon as you were healed. You were terrified of that possibility.

But any fear you had immediately washed away as his lips pressed to yours. It was years in the making, and the way you felt when you connected made you wish it had happened years ago. He cupped your face so delicately, and his lips mirrored the softness of his hands, kissing you so tenderly you could cry.

It ended too soon, Joel pulling away to whisper, “I’m not leaving you, either. Ever again.”

And you knew it was safe to believe him.

[x-reader-things]

hello! cant tell if you’re still taking requests or not, so if it’s no then i apologize. if you are could i request ezra bridger x platonic!reader? an imagine in which the reader is apart of the ghost crew and is friends with ezra, they’re always by each other’s sides and have a sibling-like dynamic, sorry if it’s not specific enough. thank you! i hope you have a great day!

Hello!

Lord I am so sorry I’m just getting to these requests very late - kinda forcing some stuff out so that I can just feel more productive and everything, so if it’s not exactly what you want, I apologize - seriously.

When I first started this acc it was literally right before my senior year of highschool and then that year hit, so yknow-

Anyways, onto the request!!

“Is karabast like - a curse word or something?”

Platonic! Ezra Bridger x reader

Summary ; In which you and Ezra have a debate on the entomology of karabast. Kind of. And who gets involved in this debate? A very annoyed Lasat.

Requested? ; Yes

Warnings ; none, besides a bit of cursing.

Word count ; 1.1 k

——————————————————————

You and Ezra have been best friends since the moment you guys met on the Ghost.

You joined a little after he did, securing your spot as the beloved Specter-7 of the ghost after a lovely run in with some imperial storm troopers.

One of which was Kallus, who was in the middle of detaining you in the market place when Ezra and Kanan were the ones out for a supply run on Lothal.

Kallus annoyed the crap out of you.

And Kanan and Ezra.

One thing led to another, and you kinda latched onto the pair.

They were funny.

Ezra was your age, you both got along well. Clicked together, almost immediately. And Kanan was one of the few adults you actually felt comfortable around immediately. One you could trust.

So you kinda, maybe, followed and tracked them down without a trace back to the Ghost and snuck on.

Well, Kanan knew of course.

Decided to test Ezra to see if he could sense you following them.

Ezra, still new to the whole force thing, did not. He felt like he was being watched, sure, but he always felt like that. It was a normal feeling that dulled out with the rest of the hyper vigilance he had grown accustomed to. He’d been dealing with it since he was seven years old, after all.

It was nothing new.

Soon enough, when you got onto the Ghost, Kanan asked you, without turning around, if the walk was nice.

Ezra turned around and you swore he almost jumped two feet in the air in surprise.

“What the - how did you—? When—?”

“I’ve been following you guys since you helped me in the market place. Thought you needed some extra stuff so I decided to come here.”

Blatant lie.

Kanan could tell.

Ezra couldn’t. But he would soon be able to, since you had no where else to go, and Hera figured they could use an extra hand on the ship since repairs were becoming more and more frequent and needed. Luckily you knew how to repair ships.

Your father had built ships and imperial machinery for a living before he left you on Lothal.

And one thing led to another.

You were family now.

Especially to Ezra.

It’s been a couple years since then. A lot of stuff happened; Ezra got scarred in more ways than one, as did the rest of you, Kanan was blinded, you were pretty sure Kanan and Hera had a thing going on (but no one said a thing - everyone knew, but that wasn’t a primary focus), Ezra almost went to the dark side, and his hair was cut.

Big change.

You still hated it.

Kind of.

But, it was after lightsaber practice with Kanan - this time to help Kanan hone more of his skills as a blind Jedi master as opposed to Ezra needing it (although Kanan said Ezra could always learn something new too) - and you and Ezra were just laying on a couple of large crates.

Hidden away on Chopper base, to escape from the bustling noise and busy people and missions and just—

Everything.

You stubbed your toe on the way there.

Ezra laughed at your reaction, a quick shout of “Karabast!” being hissed through your teeth as your foot hit a rock.

A stupid rock.

He kept laughing on the way there.

You shoved his shoulder.

“Hey!” He grumbled, still smirking at you. “That was mean.”

You just shrugged. “Thats nice—“

He nudged his shoulder against yours. You grumbled under your breath.

So - once again, there you two were.

Laying on the crates, lost in thought.

“Is Karabast like - a curse word or something?” You broke the silence first.

“I think so.”, Ezra said, putting a hand behind his head. “I don’t know. Never really asked. I just copied off of Zeb.”

“And I copied off of you.”

Ezra lightly snickered at that.

“I bet you it’s probably the most horrendous thing translated into Basic that no one knows.” You said.

“Yeah you might be right. But i dunno, it might not be one.”

You scoff. “Yes it is. You hear how Zeb says it all the time?? Definitely a curse word like shit or fuck.”

“What if it isn’t though? What if it’s some kind of fruit from Lasan or something—“

Now you know Ezra’s just saying this to egg you on.

“I doubt it.”

“Oh do you? Wanna bet on it?”

You squint at Ezra. “Terms and conditions.”

“Loser gets to do the others chores on the ghost for a week.”

“And the winner?”

“Gets Kanan’s stash of snacks in the top left cupboard in the kitchen on the Ghost.”

“And what do we do to win this bet?”

“Whichever one guesses the meaning behind the word Karabast correctly after asking Zeb what it means wins.”

You hum in thought. “You asking for a race to see who’s the first to get to Zeb too?“

Ezra shrugs, smile growing on his face.

A race.

You guys haven’t raced in a couple years.

That’ll be fun.

“Usual rules?”, he asks. You answer.

“No head starts, no using weapons, no shoving or tripping the other, and no - under any circumstances unless if it’s an emergency - use of the Force to win the race.”

Ezra holds his free hand out to you. “It’s a deal then.”

You shake his hand, and the both of you get up from the crates, get ready with a couple shakes of limbs in anticipation, and dash off through the base.

Both of your shouts for Zeb - and snide comments against one another for being too slow, saying “hey, I always win these”, among various other things - reach the already irritated Lasat’s ears a couple minutes before he even saw you guys.

You took a couple short cuts, and got to Zeb first before Ezra did, which caused the taller boy to groan in protest.

You both bickered a little about who won, until Zeb couldn’t take it anymore and asked in a gruff, annoyed voice-

“What do you two bolts-for-brains want from me?”

You both opened your mouths to speak, but before Ezra said anything you pinched his ear and pulled him down a little, which made the boy shout your name in protest, and seethe in pain. Hurriedly, you continued.

“Zeb, what does Karabast mean?”

He paused, and looked at the both of you.

After letting go of Ezra’s reddening ear, said padawan rubbed at it with one hand, but stood back up to full height, looking at Zeb expectantly for an answer.

As were you, right next to him.

The expectant look on both of your guy’s faces mirrored the other. It was almost uncanny.

Karabast, you two were so much like siblings he forgets you guys aren’t related in the slightest.

Zeb pinched the bridge of his nose, sliding his hand down his furred, exhausted face.

“Oh for fucks sake—“