#911fanfic

[aashiqeddiediaz]

he is half of my soul (as the poets say)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Rating: T

Chapter: 1/1

Word Count: 4,020 words

Snippet:

His eyes drift over the stubbled jaw, the full bottom lip, the mole under his left eye, the scar right above his right eyebrow and back down until locking with Eddie’s. He’s never quite been able to describe the way Eddie’s gaze settles on him most of the time. He knows it pierces through him, reading every last inch of him like a well-loved book, voraciously soaking up everything there is to learn about Buck. He knows it’s telling, and always fond. He knows it keeps Buck steady, helps him stay anchored.  He knows that Eddie’s eyes with Buck have never been truly guarded. Even though it’s always been difficult for him to be vulnerable, Eddie gifts that vulnerability to Buck in a thousand different ways. It’s not effortless, because nothing difficult is ever effortless, but he does it in a way that makes Buck feel worthy. He does it in a way that doesn’t expect anything out of Buck, even for the privilege that it is. And that’s how Eddie’s looking at him now, every last detail more pronounced by the diminishing space between them. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Buck asks, almost soundlessly. Hope cloys the words into something sticky sweet, strands of sugar stretching from Buck’s lips to Eddie’s gaze. “How am I looking at you?”  “Like…,” he whispers, anxiety looping around his lungs once before he decides to take the plunge. “Like you’re in love with me.”

[Read on AO3]

[firehousefreak911]

Hi

Could you do a imaging with Buck from 911. I love the opposite attracts idea. Like a secret girlfriend, because she isn’t a fan of being around people. She’s different from all the other girls that buck dated

Thank you

Hope you have a good day:)

A Good Different

You sat on the couch in your baggy sweat pants and oversized shirt. You watched as your boyfriend ran around the house getting ready.

He wasn’t the type of guy you were used to but he made you feel so special and loved. And you knew for a fact you weren’t the type of girl he had been with before. But none of that mattered, you loved each other and nothing could change that.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Buck asked sitting down in front of you on the couch facing you.

“No Buck, you know it’s not my thing, you go have fun” I said, urging him to go.

“Are you sure? I don’t have to go” he replied.

“Evan, baby, look at me, I want you to go have fun, I know how much you love going to hang out with the 118. Go have fun, beside I have a new crime documentary I want to watch” you said, switching the channel to your show.

“Fine, I’ll miss you” he leaned over to kiss you.

“I love you” he said

“I love you too” you sighed, “give me 10 minutes and I’ll be dressed”

You aren’t the type to hang with a bunch of people but if it made Buck happy then you would push your fears away.

10 minutes later you came out in ripped jeans and a faded black concert tee. You threw on your combat boots and grabbed your bag.

“Damn your beautiful” Buck whispered grabbing you in a kiss, “maybe we should stay home”

He chuckled as he kissed you passionately. You smiled under his kisses. When the two of you finally separated you headed for the door.

You applied your makeup in the car adding your dark lipstick to top it off. As Buck pulled into the drive way you started to get nervous. Looking over at your Buck noticed your demeanor.

“Hey you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, we can go home” he said grabbing your hand.

You gave his a squeeze and shook your head no.

“No, let’s stay, I want to do this for you. These people mean the world to you. And because of that they mean the world to me, it’s time I finally met them” you reply.

Buck gets out and runs to open your door. He leads you to the front door. Buck opens it and goes in.

“Hey everybody we’re here!” He yells

“Finally!”

“About damn time!”

You hear every yell from the main area. As you follow Buck down the stairs of the house, you think he said it belonged to his captain and his wife. Everyone stops and looks at you.

“Woah! Buck who is this?” A dark haired man smiles.

“Chimney!” A woman smacks his arm. You recognize her as Buck’s sister.

“Sorry about him, I’m Maddie, Buck’s sister” Maddie said, coming over to you.

Buck could feel you get nervous. He squeezed your hand.

“Everyone this is Y/N, my girlfriend” he says. He leads you over to a chair. He then introduces everyone. You slowly start to feel at home. He was right the 118 does feel like a family.

[homerforsure]

(header by my darling @mellaithwen. Thieves will have their cars keyed)

through tooth and claw (to where you are)

Rated: T (for rabid animal behavior and kissing)

WC: 18653 (I know)

Tags: Buck whump, worried Eddie, worried Christopher, protective everybody because they're a family okay, blood, injury, first kiss, getting together, a truly surprising amount of soft and silly flirting considering all the blood

Summary:

With a reverent hush, Christopher said, “Whoa, it’s so close.”

And it was almost as though Buck needed to have that obvious fact pointed out to him before the vague dread of animal instinct that had been pooling in his stomach could solidify into a real, actionable fear.

It’s so close.

Something’s wrong.

AKA: The Rabid Coyote fic

[fuselsstuff]

I need a crack episode , and its just the 118s Drama trough the years... But, its from the POV of all the other stations, and we would get guest apperances from people who n�� longer work at the 118, like Lucy and Lena😂

... Yes, Tommy mentioning, that harbor heard everything on the Radio is giving me fanfiction vibes😂💗

[not-as-straight-as-i-appear]

Summary:

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye." He hung up and was getting his uniform on before he registered the words he had said. He froze, then looked up to meet Eddie's gaze. His best friend's eyes were huge, and he was trying to bite back a smile (unsuccessfully). "Did I just...?" Buck gestured toward his phone where it lay on the bench beside his duffle bag. The other man nodded, his glee unmistakable. "Yep. You just told your boyfriend you loved him."

[medieshanachie]

Flying High for Date Night

Welcome to my contribution(s) for @bucktommyweek. So excited to participate. This is one of my shorter stories, but I've got almost all of them finished and I am eager to post!

Buck grinned as Tommy exited the hanger, stuffing his hands in his pockets and moseying towards the other man. “I thought it was date night,” he commented when they were close enough that he didn’t have to raise his voice. “Why did you have me meet you here?”

Tommy pressed a kiss to his lips and then his birthmark, smiling in response. “It <i>is</i> date night, but I had a different plan for tonight than just dinner and a movie.”

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@dragonydreams

@bucktommyweek

[zashizawa]

and i'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

for the wonderful @maygrantnash for the holiday gift exchange!! i hope you like it!!

read on ao3

"Here you go Mr. . .?" Buck drawls, passing it over to him. 

"Diaz," he offers. "Eddie. You should probably know my name with how often I'm going to be here in the months coming."

"Oh?" Buck breathes hopefully instead of the jumping up and down in excitement he wants to do.

"Yeah, my friend recommended this place, said they're the best bakery in L.A. And she's a sucker for sweets so Lord knows I'll be in here buying her donuts often enough."

Buck pinpoints the word 'friend' and latches onto it like his life depends on it. Friend, not girlfriend. 

(Or, it's a buddie bakery au. That's it.)

@meganskane @usermoreid @buckleyhans @no-moremusic @eddiediazisascorpio @chefdiaz @ashbuckleydiaz (@paranoidbean)

[hotcinnamonsunset]

but as long as you'd love me so (let it snow)

7.9k | buck/eddie | fake dating au

“You know, last Christmas,” Eddie starts, about to tell Buck about Christopher and his sky high standards for decor.

“I gave you my heart? And the very next day, you gave it away?” Buck interrupts, finger-guns pointed at Eddie and his eyebrows raised high in amusement.

Eddie pulls a face and rolls his eyes. Humor. As if he needed an extra sign that Buck was trying to deflect from whatever was on his mind. Anyone else would’ve laughed and assumed that Buck cracking a joke meant that the status quo was normal, but Eddie’s not just anyone.

And besides, if Buck just so happened to give Eddie his heart there’s not a chance in hell he would give it away. Cherish it and intertwine it forever with his own, sure. But relinquish it? He couldn’t fathom the possibility.

“Wanna share with the class what you’ve got there?” Eddie says instead. “It won’t get you out of decorating my house forever though, you know.”

happy holidays @buckleyseddie!!❣️☃️(and many many thanks to @paranoidbean for setting up this lovely holiday gift exchange!!)

keep reading on ao3

[vae1bixy]

Sculpt me like a pretty boy (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/371822734-sculpt-me-like-a-pretty-boy?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=Vae_Bixy Buck find's a new hobby and Eddie is going insane. Buck was beginning to split his time between fire fighter life and life with the Diaz's. It shouldn't drive him crazy and it shouldn't affect him like this. Buck was just his best friend - his partner. He wasn't his boy friend. And he wasn't far he was always there if he needed him. So if he needed some time away. He would take it like a big boy.

I've begun transferring my fics from ao3 to Wattpad. And sort of cross post. I’m still going to post on ao3 that’s my main site. But i’m kind of experimenting to see how i like posting on wattpad.

[spotsandsocks]

Reblogging with cover art

Thank you @ronordmann

Your heart or mine? Yours every time

10k E chapt 1 today chapt 2 tomorrow

Buck and Eddie get trapped in an elevator, which would be fine except Buck’s skipped a few meals recently and he’s a little hungry. He’s also not exactly told his best friend everything about himself so the secret he’s been keeping is about to be revealed at the worst possible time in the worst possible way.

Buck can handle it though and if it comes to it he knows what he has to do to keep Eddie safe.

Eddie however has his own thoughts on the subject and sometimes secrets aren’t as secret as you think.

It was supposed to be an ordinary evening, one just like they have two or three times a month.

A bar, a few drinks, then back to his loft if Chris was busy or to Eddie’s if they had to get back for a sitter. Just an ordinary evening like so many others before it but tonight it’s gone wrong. So very wrong.

They’d reached his jeep and Buck had realised his phone was still sitting on his kitchen counter . He’d said wait here but no, Eddie had decided he’d come with him. He wanted to continue the conversation (argument) they were having about the best Italian to take his parents to when they visited in a few weeks. 

So Eddie followed him and now Buck’s in an elevator with his best friend standing too close to him, smelling too delicious and smiling too brightly. He could have run up to his loft so quickly, true it’s a bit of a risk but no one else ever uses the stairs in his apartment block so no one would have seen him and Eddie would have just assumed he’d taken the lift anyway so no problem.

Normally he wouldn’t mind the extra time with Eddie but it’s been a bit too long since he’s eaten properly and he’s starting to feel it. He’s on a new feeding plan designed to help focus the mind on each meal, mindful eating it’s called, it’s supposed to help you feel more satisfied so you can wait longer between feeding. He’s not completely convinced but he had to try something new to take his mind off his rising desires and the fixation he’s developing on certain body parts; necks, wrists and well thighs too.

To be honest, its not exactly the body parts that are getting to him, he’s actually fine most of the time. The issue is more about a certain person's body parts.  Eddie’s to be precise. Tonight he’s not helping Buck’s increasingly problematic issue. He’s wearing a particularly, and Buck doesn’t like to think it but it's true; slutty, slightly see through top with a neckline that’s low already and an open button that makes part of it flop even lower. He’s trying very very hard not to look. Eddie’s been wearing tops like that more often and ignoring that kind of temptation is a challenge he’s not sure he’s up to especially with the close proximity of the elevator and the edges of his hunger Getting sharper.

It’ll be fine, it’s just a phase. He can cope.

Probably.

Possibly?

Well most of the time at least.

Ok, so the thighs are definitely a problem, he can’t even be in the gym with Eddie anymore, the shorts he wears are definitely getting shorter and Buck’s only human.

Well, not even that actually.

it’s all affecting his mood. Eddie’s been complaining that he’s grumpy recently, which is accurate. Buck had explained his food plan minus a few key details of course and Eddie had said it sounded like  a stupid fad diet. He’d insisted - not a diet, a food plan. Nothing wrong with that. 

Maddie had also said it was a stupid idea. She’d said that he needed to eat properly, that diets wouldn’t work. He’d replied; not a diet, a food plan but his beloved sister had lifted a skeptical eyebrow and then told him he should just, finally talk to Eddie about it all. Tell him she said. He’d ignored her obviously but now as the elevator shudders to a halt he’s inclined to think she might have had a point. More than one actually. 

Too late now.

Shit.

This might be a problem.

[aashiqeddiediaz]

of epiphanies

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Tommy Kinard

Rating: T

Chapter: 1/1

Word Count: 4,085 words

Snippet:

After he meets him the first time, Buck sees him everywhere . It’s not that he doesn’t know who Tommy Kinard is. He replaced Tommy, after all, after the other man was transferred to the 217. He’s heard all the stories of him, from other members of the 118 that have moved across the other shifts. He’s heard them from Hen and Chim, too. After the rescue that frankly, would’ve gotten them all fired had Maddie not revealed the truth, it’s like Tommy remembers what it was like to be at the 118 with Hen and Chim, what it was like to be under Bobby’s captaincy.  Buck sees him on the nights they go out to drink, sitting in the corner laughing with Chim about an old memory. Eddie sits next to him as they listen quietly, chiming in with an anecdote of their own when the opportunity presents itself, but otherwise, Eddie stays a silent line of warmth at Buck’s side as they pick at the labels on their beers. He sees him during the afternoons where they all play basketball, or baseball, or whatever they’re in the mood for that weekend. He’s included easily in the games, the way everyone is, and they have fun with it. Tommy and Eddie have the same streak of competitiveness, but Buck and Eddie have an understanding that makes them come out on top, every time. He sees him at the station sometimes, too — catching up with Bobby in civilian clothes. Bobby’s told Buck about the reasons he’d decided Tommy would be happier at the 217, but watching them catch up like they’re old friends, Buck’s not really sure he understands any of them. Hell, Buck even sees Tommy with his own best friend, laughing away with Eddie about baseball stats, sparring in the gym, and even talking about the damned helicopters. It all forms a picture that Buck struggles to truly comprehend. (Buck is not jealous that Tommy seems to take to everyone like a duck to water, and he is not jealous that he even gets on with Eddie in a seamless way that even Buck hadn’t managed to do easily.)

[Read on AO3]

[firehousefreak911]

Are you sure?

The team was gathered at your house. Your husband, Eddie, standing behind you, arms wrapped around you, his chin resting on your head. The two of you watch as Christopher, your step son, plays with Denny and Buck.

“Let’s have a baby” Eddie whispers, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You laugh a little and turn to face him. Arms draped over his shoulders, his on your waist.

“I’m serious, I’ve been thinking a lot about this“ Eddie said

This caught you off guard. You two had been married a little over a year, but together 5. You had never discussed kids. You always assumed he was content with just Christopher.

You just look at him, you don’t know what to say.

“Are you sure? I mean we never really talked about it before.” You finally say.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life” he says smiling, he leans in and kisses you.

[nymika-arts]

i’d pick your thunder, i’d pick your rain

3.3k pining mess <3

read on ao3

There's something about the way Buck looks at love that always has him clawing at scraps of nothing, trying to mold himself to fit where someone might want him. For as long as he can remember, it’s been a game of making himself less. Smaller. All he’d ever wanted was to make people happy, and if that meant carving himself down into something more agreeable, then who was he really hurting? Everyone makes sacrifices in relationships, he was simply sacrificing… himself. Par for the course.

It hardly even occurred to him that all he was doing was making things worse for everyone until he was saying 'I love you' to Taylor Kelly when most nights he couldn't even recognize himself anymore. So he made a change.

Call it an epiphany, call it clarity-of-fucking-mind, but it was like he'd taken his own feelings seriously for the first time in—ever, maybe. He couldn't stand to be this miserable anymore, even if it meant just being alone.

But the thing is, the silence that comes with being alone leaves a lot of space for your mind to get loud. And his did, in all the ways he was expecting, and some ways he wasn't. 

In between the lament of his doomed happiness and the thoughts of everlasting loneliness (expected), Buck ended up thinking a lot about Eddie, and about exactly how he felt when he was with him (unexpected).

Buck had known a lot of people, had loved—or at least some version of the word—a lot of people, and none of them had ever made him feel quite as safe, or important, or whole, as Eddie did.

Eddie never made Buck feel small. And it was as simple as that.

Buck had been so wrapped up in the search, looking for his forever-after in people who only loved him in parts, that he hadn't noticed Eddie quietly settling into all the spaces in his heart, and filling him with the golden happiness he'd always longed for. 

So in those moments, in the silence of alone, he'd realized that he was in love with Eddie and that, actually, he'd been in love with Eddie for some time. 

For so long he hadn't seen it for what it was, but he'd sat on his balcony with Maddie that day and explained exactly what he thought love should be, and it had occurred to him that maybe he'd been looking for something he'd already found. The thought left him breathless.

And right on its heels came the realization that none of it could ever really be his. Because Eddie came home from Texas looking lighter than he has for a long time, and he's talking to Frank, and he's smiling so easily, and—

And Buck has been living with dark clouds hanging over his head for as long as he can remember. He figures he's gotten used to it, the way they trail after him and threaten to break open and drown him with every blow he takes from the universe. The thunder feels as much a part of him as anything these days. But he doesn't want to drag Eddie into his storm, no matter how much he may long for company in the rain. Eddie deserves better than that, better than him. 

Buck wants (and wants, and wants), but he can't. He just—can't. Because all he's ever done is ruin his relationships and drive people away, and he can't bear the thought of watching Eddie leave him behind. But even more, he can't bear the thought of him staying.

Buck doesn't really think Eddie would have him, anyway.

So he'd held that aching love he'd discovered close to his chest, felt its flickering warmth and the spark of hope that came with it, and then tucked it away. Another piece of himself to hide from the world.

And things had been fine. He'd been managing it. Until now, when he's sitting in Hen and Karen's backyard in the fading evening light, and Eddie's wearing a stunning deep blue suit and a smile that's doing funny things to Buck's insides, and he just looks happy. 

Buck watches him, mesmerized, as Eddie laughs at something Chimney says. Watches the way it lights up his whole face, like everything that's been weighing him down for so long has finally started to ease off. Something about it tugs at Buck's heart so hard it almost hurts.

He starts to feel like he might do something astoundingly stupid, like walk over there and ask Eddie to spend the rest of his life with him, so he takes another long sip of wine and tries to look anywhere else. He sees Maddie making her way towards him with two slices of cake, but his eyes manage to wander back to Eddie by the time she arrives. Traitorous things.

"Stop staring, it's so obvious," Maddie says as she plunks herself down in the chair next to him. He scowls at her, but can't seem to muster up an actual protest; he knows it's true. She hands him a piece of cake.

"You're one to talk," Buck says, taking it from her and stabbing a fork into it. "Watching Chim with your big lovestruck doe eyes ever since you arrived."

"I'm not—" Maddie starts, and Buck just looks at her. "Okay, I am. It's kind of annoying how well you know me."

Buck laughs. "Yeah, well. Ditto."

They sit in silence for a few moments, just watching the party sprawled out in front of them.

Chimney is swaying with Jee-Yun off to the side, while Bobby and Athena keep easy time with the music on the dance floor, and Hen twirls Karen around before pulling her close. Then he finds himself looking at Eddie again, now doing a ridiculous little dance with Christopher and making him laugh. Buck can't help but smile.

"You could tell him, you know," Maddie says, as if it's that easy. As if he could really just go over there and ask, and the rest of his life could begin just like that.

"No, I can't. Too many worst-case scenarios," Buck replies. "Too many ways I could fuck it up."

"So you're just gonna mope about it."

"That's the plan."

"At least go dance with him or something, instead of just sitting here."

"I can't, I'm eating cake," he says, around a mouthful of cake. 

Maddie just huffs and rolls her eyes fondly, then settles back in her chair and rests her head on his shoulder. 

"We're pretty lucky, right?" she says, eyes trailing over their friends—their family. "To know all these incredible people. I never would have imagined a life like this for myself."

Buck smiles a bit, and doesn't tell her that there's still a part of him that half expects it all to disappear one day, and leave him in the dust. He'd never imagined this either, and yet here it all is right in front of him, everything he's always wanted. Some days he still can't quite believe it. 

He looks around, until his eyes land on Eddie again, and this time Eddie's looking back at him. "Yeah, pretty lucky," Buck says. 

Eddie waves, and Buck smiles, and he wonders how it ever took him this long to realize. He doesn't really know how to hold it all, this love and longing that he's gathered into his hands. It's too big to carry on his own, spilling through his fingers and reaching out towards the person it's all meant for. 

He has the ridiculous thought for a moment that those tendrils of wanting are what tug Eddie towards him, when Eddie starts making his way over, but he shoves it down just as quickly as it surfaced.

"I lost my dance partner to the dessert table," Eddie says, and Buck glances over to where Chris has joined Harry and Denny in piling sweets precariously high on their plates. Eddie sticks his hand out. "Wanna fill in?"

Buck stares at it for a second.

"I've got… cake," he says lamely.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, saying 'are you serious?' without saying anything at all, and Maddie just pulls the cake from his hands. 

"And now you don't. Bye," she says.

"I'll drag you out there if I have to," Eddie says, still holding his hand out, palm to the sky.

Buck relents, taking Eddie's hand and letting him haul him to his feet, knowing full well this could end in disaster but never quite able to refuse Eddie anything. Buck can handle this. He's going to dance with his best friend in front of everyone they know and he's not going to reveal that he's deeply, hopelessly in love with him. Easy.

It's not a particularly slow song, but the 'dance floor' isn't much more than a piece of plywood on the grass, and the crowd already occupying it pushes them close together. Buck stumbles—too much to drink, and too many feet to trip over—and, laughing, Eddie puts his arms out to steady him. It's infectious, so Buck laughs too, and lets himself lean into it for just a second. But even as he pulls back, Eddie keeps his hands on him. 

It's a dangerous thing, but he can't bring himself to step away, even as it pushes him ever closer to a ledge he may never come back from, and writes the words 'I love you' on the tip of his tongue. He won't have this for real, but for right now, maybe he can pretend.

And he doesn't know what comes over him—some combination of all the wine he's had, and all the love they're celebrating, maybe; or maybe it's all the feelings he's been trying to hold inside himself for so long, and how desperately lonely he feels everywhere except right where he's standing—but suddenly the gravity between them is impossible to resist, and he finds himself leaning closer, until he's kissing Eddie right there on the dance floor.

In the moment, it's everything he's ever dreamed of.

In the moment, he can almost pretend that this is them, that this is real and this is his. 

But then the song ends, and there's a beat of silence as Buck pulls back, and the weight of what he's just done settles heavily on his shoulders. 

Eddie doesn't say anything at first, he just blinks at Buck, a thousand tiny expressions flashing across his face, and Buck's not able to pick out even one of them. It's a knife twisting in his gut that Eddie is unreadable to him. 

And he can't be sure why—he can't be sure—but the ugliest voice in his head—the one that sounds just like him, but tears and tears and tears him down—tells him it's because he's just ruined the best thing he's ever had. That he's gone one step too far, and there's no taking it back now.

Then the music picks up again. All of this, in the span of seconds. Buck's heart made full and shattered again in the space between songs. And it's his own fault.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm—sorry," he says, stepping backwards, out of Eddie's arms and away from the one place his heart wants to call home. Buck doesn't even think anyone saw—all of them wrapped up in their own bubbles—but he suddenly feels exposed. Like that one action has stripped him bare and laid him out for the world to see. He can't stand it.

"Buck, wait—" Eddie starts, but Buck is already shouldering his way through the party, forcing a distance between them that only makes the ache in his chest grow. A distance that shouldn't be there, except that Buck is a coward, and he'd rather run than face whatever gentle rejection Eddie has in store for him.

Because what else could it be, right? 

Eddie could never want him like that; and why would he?

Eddie is bright as starlight and Buck is... damaged. Messy in ways he doesn't even understand half the time. He'd split up with Taylor—he'd done that for himself, and felt some distant hope that he'd find someone new to be happy with—but it didn't erase all the ways he'd let that relationship fracture and crumble while he kept grasping at the pieces. It didn't erase all the ways he'd broken it himself. 

So he runs, because he knows he can't ever have him, but part of him wants to live for just a little longer in the before. Before Eddie follows him, and Buck apologizes again, and they try to move forward like nothing happened. Before, while he can still distract himself with a sliver of misguided hope.

It's darker around the side of the house, the sun sinking low in the sky and the lights from the backyard not quite reaching where he's standing. It's quieter, too. Except for the pounding of his heart in his ears. 

It had been a beautiful day, and it looks like it's going to be a beautiful evening—for everyone but Buck. Because his dark clouds are thundering now, building a storm from the mess he's made for himself.

With tears in his eyes, he looks out at the sunset and thinks, distantly, of a universe where he and Eddie would be watching it together, hand in hand and happy, in every way Buck wants to be. The picture doesn't last long.

"Buck?"

He takes a moment, savouring the thought of his impossible future before it disappears, and then he looks over. Eddie is standing just out of reach, face full of concern, and looking like he can't decide whether to step closer or leave the space hanging between them. Buck can't really blame him, not after the lines he's crossed.

He almost doesn't speak. He doesn't know what he could possibly say to reverse it all, but he doesn't want to let Eddie speak first either. Buck's heart is already brittle from all his misuse of it, and he doesn't think it could stand another blow without crumbling completely.

"I fucked up," he says. 

"No," Eddie answers immediately. "No, Buck, you didn't." 

Buck blows out a shaky breath and looks away again, unable to bear the weight of Eddie's eyes on him.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—I shouldn't have done that," Buck says, his voice small. He'd make it smaller if he could, just to take up less space in the air. "I wish I hadn't."

Eddie's brow furrows a bit, and it's adorable, and Buck really wishes he could turn his own brain off. "Then why did you?" he asks.

"I…" Buck pauses. The question takes him by surprise, and he thinks about brushing it off, saying something that would lead them closer to the end of this conversation, quick and painless. But when he speaks, only the truth finds its way out. "I forgot myself for a second. I got lost in the moment, or something. I wasn’t really thinking, I just—you're my person, you know? You mean so much to me and I'd never really thought about it in that way before but I guess I just finally realized…" He shakes his head. "I don't know."

"You really mean that," Eddie says, more a statement than a question, and there's something strange about his expression. Something that would almost make Buck hopeful, if he didn't know any better.

He takes a breath. He feels like crying.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

There's the first crack.

"Because I'm—too much. And I kissed you and you haven't even said anything about it, and I honestly can't decide if the nothing is worse than a reaction; and more than anything I'm terrified that you're gonna find a reason to go." His voice cracks on the last word, and he hates himself a little more for it. "And I can't watch you leave. I can't. And I was just going to hold it in, and live with it, but I've gone and…" he sighs and just gestures at the air. Ruined everything, like always.

"You think I'd leave you behind?"

"Everyone does, and I can't—I can't do that with you, Eddie. Not with you."

"Buck—" Eddie says, like it's hurting him. The cracks spiderweb.

"Can we just forget it? I'm so stupid and I didn't mean to—I don't want things to be weird, okay? You're my best friend and I know I screwed up but—”

"Buck, you're not stupid. And I don't..." he pauses and seems to steady himself. "I don't want to forget it."

"You—what?"

"Buck, you're braver than me. I've never managed to find the courage to do what you just did, but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted to. I really, really, wanted to. You just got there first."

"You wanted… to kiss me," Buck repeats slowly, savouring the words. Eddie wanted to kiss him. 

Eddie laughs quietly, and his eyes crinkle in that way that says he's truly happy, and he nods. "Yeah," he says; such a simple word already mending those cracks in his heart with veins of gold. 

Buck stares at him, and Eddie stares back, so undeniably, overwhelmingly tender, and loving. Buck can't hold it, he has to look away.

"Hey, come on. Talk to me," Eddie says, in a tone so gentle it almost breaks Buck's heart again.

"You deserve more than I can give you, Eddie, you know? I-I’m never gonna be a perfect partner, I’m never gonna be easy, I’m—I’m a goddamn mess—"

"I don't want more. I don’t want easy, or perfect. I don't want anything, Buck. Just you," Eddie says, stepping into his space and putting his hand gently on Buck’s shoulder. His thumb rests easily in the dip above Buck’s collarbone, somehow grounding him and making it that much harder to breathe all at once. "I don't care about you because of what you give to me or what you do for me, okay? I care about you—I love you—because you're you."

Buck searches his eyes for something that might give up the game, looking for the 'I love you, but', 'I love you, unless', 'I love you, until'—but he doesn't find it.

"You love me?" Buck says, barely above a whisper, like the words are some fragile thing that he's never been allowed to touch.

"Of course I do," Eddie says just as quietly, but with such reverence it makes Buck shiver.

Buck doesn't say anything, doesn't really know how—words don't seem strong enough to name the depth of what Eddie is to Buck. He loves him, undoubtedly, unconditionally, but it's bigger than that. It's a future that Buck never believed he could hope for, now within reach. It's safety, and family, that Buck had all but accepted was meant for anyone but him. It's light that shines across even the darkest corners of his mind. Those corners where he's never been anything but cold, and alone, now awash with the warmth that Eddie carries with him. It's love—so much love—but it's also life. Like Buck had been breathing underwater until Eddie had come along and led him to shore.

Buck raises his hand—slowly, carefully—and brushes at the loop of hair falling across Eddie's forehead with feather-light fingers, then traces his skin down to cup his face in his hand.

"Kiss me again," Eddie says, so Buck does.

And this time, it's a kiss that feels like the start of forever.

[alkaysani]

to watch someone you love (come home)

4540 - buck/eddie - complete

---

“Do you remember it?” Buck whispers, after a beat. There, it’s finally out. He’s finally saying it. “Any of it?”

Eddie’s hand pauses from stroking his hair, and for a second, Buck’s afraid that he’ll pull away and they’ll never say another word about it again. Worst, that he’ll pull away from Buck altogether, angry at him for bringing up something he has worked hard to work through and away from.

Instead, Eddie’s hand slides away from his hair and back on his shoulder and he’s pulling Buck back towards him as he himself shifts forward, and then his arms are around Buck, squeezing tight.

He feels Eddie’s head against his shoulder and Buck sighs, tilting his head towards his, and they’re pressed against each other, his own hand finding Eddie’s that’s on his shoulder, squeezing. It feels familiar, a more sure, firm version of Chris wrapping his arm around him after Buck broke down crying when he got news that Eddie’s surgery went well.

“I remember seeing you covered in blood and thinking I didn’t want to go through it again,” Eddie whispers. “To watch someone I love die again.”

***

or the one where they talk about the shooting, and if Eddie remembers reaching out for Buck after he fell

---

inspired by this post from @fear-o-phobia​ and @yeaheddiediaz​ - this is finally completed!

[zashizawa]

i'll take a hit of whatever you got, (maybe two, maybe three.)

read on ao3

"Why is that bad?" Karen cries back, her face equally as distraught.

"Because it's not for me," he sobs, "I want Buck to love me."

"Maybe he does!" She tries to reassure him, and then suddenly her expression drops. "I gotta— I gotta call Hen. I gotta tell her to change it."

"Change what?" Eddie asks miserably.

"The bet," she says like that explains everything, but Eddie's head is spinning so he just nods like he understands.

(Or, Eddie and Karen get drunk together.)

@meganskane @usermoreid @buckleyhans @no-moremusic @eddiediazisascorpio @chefdiaz @ashbuckleydiaz

[teekstrand]

do you want to know a secret? (do you promise not to tell?) 

by @teekstrand for @halvedmimi for @911ficexchange 

rating: t

relationships: buck/eddie, buck & eddie & chris 

characters: eddie, buck, chris 

summary:  The past few weeks have been nothing but stressful.

With Eddie training for his new job at dispatch, all the spring cleaning he has to do, and the past few days, Chris has been upset and grumpy for no discernible reason. And he’s done it mostly alone. Yes, Carla is there, but he doesn’t have his 118 support system like he used to and—

Listen. He knows it’s his fault on that. He understands that leaving the 118 didn’t mean leaving his family. But he also needs time to accept and process what’s going on. It’s a bit like when Buck was worried he’d never be a firefighter again and Eddie promised there was more to life (“says the firefighter,” Buck had said snarkily) but this time Eddie doesn’t have the possibility of going back to work that Buck had. He’s done. The job he loved has been ripped out from under him and while he’d do it a thousand times more for Christopher, he’s still processing. It’s hard to be around the crew right now when they’re still getting to do what he loves.

(*)

or: Eddie hasn't been around much. Somehow, this doesn't stop him from being thrown together with Buck.