#just so i don't leave anyone hanging
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#I've had the cutest interaction today#So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today#I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening#We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´;ω;`)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations#The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7#Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday#But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles
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pls let me back into the friend group. i was barely a part of it the first time and i won't contribute anything if you let me back in. but i wanna know why the breakup between that one couple was so bad that the entire group is falling apart
#cmon guys why weren't you guys this hung up when i had to leave bc i was softly broken up with 😞#i do think it's crazy that shit got so bad that one of them is siding w the one he's only known for a few months#over the guy he's literally been friends with since junior high???#and said guy is literally one of the few cis men i would choose to be alone with over a bear#meanwhile the other person has allegedly done some shitty stuff outside the context of the relationship?? 😭😭#the (immediate) reason for why she dumped him is somewhat similar to why i got upset w my ex#but NOW he sees the problem? 🤨🤨#both halves of the broken-up couple are accusing the other of being a manipulative asshole 💀💀#i was there when it was announced those two first got together#i'm shocked they fell apart so quickly cuz they were close friends before they got together???#i did notice one of them was hanging out more w one person wayy more than her actual bf#and i kinda just assumed she was cheating or something 😭😭#but im so out of the loop. at that point they probably would have been broken up#which is CRAZY cuz that means their relationship was wayyy shorter than i thought 😭😭#i don't have anyone to yap to about this so long-winded tumblr tags it is
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happy work in progress wednesday!! here's a passage from my current multichapter wip! the premise is fallen angel vash au, but this is an interaction in chapter nine with livio :)
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“A roommate?” Livio’s eyebrows shoot up. “In that tiny rental?”
“Well, it wasn’t—planned. He’s sleeping on the couch.” Wolfwood scratches the side of his neck. “But yeah. His name’s Vash. He’s…” Wolfwood struggles for the right word to use to describe his roommate, actively fighting the urge to call him angelic or heavenly, knowing how that would sound to his brother. (Even if it would be really funny to recount to Vash later.) “He’s a nice guy. You’d probably like him.”
Livio’s eyes widen. “A nice guy. You like him!”
“I—what?”
“As a person,” Livio clarifies with a hand lifted. “Unless—”
“No.”
“Okay, then as a person.” Livio grins. “But you definitely do. The only other person you’ve ever outright called nice is that Millie Thompson.”
Wolfwood can’t deny that—or at least he can’t deny that Millie is nice—but it’s a little humiliating that Livio has been keeping track. “...So? I’m living with him, I’m allowed to like him.”
#nicholas d wolfwood#livio the double fang#trigun livio#wip wednesday#rora writes#vashwood#well... it's kind of more implied in the passage#but trust that the fic is vashwood bahaha#i'm working on chapter eleven at the moment and approaching 40k words#i plan to start uploading either when it's finished or when i get pretty close to that#just because it's a pretty big story and i don't want to leave anyone hanging if i get the post serotonin immediately#loved getting to write livio... the introduction of this fic is kind of slow plot wise but we're getting to the good stuff probably within#the next few chapters or so#we pray#can't wait to post this so i can stop talking my friends ears off about it i'm sure they're sick of me
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Ya know, I said it offhandedly in the tags of the last post but I'm wondering what a Chica themed cookbook would include now. Pizza is the obvious one, same with cake and cupcakes. She has some canon stuff with something about chowder, Chica chug, Chica bites, uhhhh the uhhh skinny taco from Help Wanted 2, lemon Chicabars, the blendee, and whatever else she normally has I dunno. Her Fizzy Faz flavour is pink lemonade so there's that too...
She's then got the whole mazercise thing, so fruit smoothies and just general stuff with fruit is probably gonna work. Obviously she's a chicken, so there's that too.
Honestly, I can see her having a cake section where she tells the recipes to her friend's favourite cakes. So the obvious would be carrot cake for Bonnie then I dunno a lemon lime cheesecake for Monty or something?
I think the thing about a Chica cookbook is that it's just so easy to visualise and work with that it would be kind of hard to get it wrong, and yet, this isn't a real thing that exists for some reason??
#damn I wish I knew about a bunch of cooking stuff cause like. I would maybe love to make a lil zine for this#I still could but just for things I know how to make like jam and uhhhhh#I can't believe I'm drawing a blank can I really think of nothing else????#oh I know about muffins kind of (memory is meh) and I made a cheesecake once so...?#I dunno! maybe that's the next little project I do! bunch of little paper zines scanned in for anyone to have if they want it#and it's all just recipes I know or things I found online that fit in eight panels#that could be fun and I've been meaning to play around with zines so... maybe I could actually#could be fun! who knows! if I do this I'm absolutely gonna ask for recipes too cause like. I don't know many lmao#and people always have good recipes hanging around even if it's just 'the perfect cheese toastie' ya know?#I'm pretty hungry now so imma gooooo but ya know I need you all to know this is in my brain now and it might not leave#I'm so offended on Chica's behalf by the audacity of this cookbook that I might make several little zines for her#I know some really easy ones actually that could definitely fit in eight panels so who knows! maybe!#we shall see!!! okay bye#glamrock chica#I FORGOT TO TAG HER CHICA FANS GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME BRAINSTORM FOOD FOR OUR FAVOURITE CHICKEN
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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#everything is just so fucking awful all the time#my attempts to be happy are only ever rewarded with a brick to the face#gritting my teeth trying to be silly and whimsical cause halloween is my favorite time of year#but I haven't decorated anything-- I slapped together a costume last minute and it's basically a declawed dollar store wolverine#usually I've been putting my costume together since august but this year just said “fuck you” to my traditions#I just want to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alonr#don't want to hang out with anyone don't want to speak to anybody or get out of bed#struggling not to burst into tears throughout the day and it's so exhausting#everyone at my work is sick with a cold or flu so there goes what little bit of november I could enjoy cause I'll inevitably get it#I don't know if I just want this to be over and me come out the other side or if I just want to call it quits here#31 years isn't such a bad life I guess#it's so short but who am I kidding#where would a high school degree and a fraudulent 2 year college degree get me?#I'll be working at mcdonalds the rest of my life#I'll never move up I'll never own a house#I'll never start my cat rescue I always dreamed of having#I'm sorry Phoebe#maybe I'll see you sooner than you think
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pausing the queue again. didn't think about it beforehand, very sudden spur of the moment decision. have been doing very badly lately <3 i'm not online right now, have not been online the past couple of days and i am going to continue to not be online for probably a while
#chatty!#i turned off notifications and removed nearly every app from my home screen so i wouldn't habitually be on my phone#didn't want to say anything to make A Thing about it but i keep getting messages and i don't want to just. leave anyone hanging
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for the awesome peeps i owe a reply to in dms or on a post or anything like that; i am actually so sorry Augh... the executive dysfunction is and always is kicking my ass 😵💫;;
#wolfie rambles#i just wanted to make it clear that i'm not purposefully trying to be like. quiet on my end#my brain is just being dumb!! it's difficult to switch gears into Reply Mode for me at times#but i see you guys and i love you guys!!! so much! and i'm excited to reply!#i'll do my best for y'all bc you're my pals#i'm finding ways to get around it and it's getting better each day so like - hang tight!#and i'm really really sorry for any confusion i might've caused :(( i'm interested in all that you guys say and i love you.#sorry for the impromptu little like vent thing - i just don't wanna leave anyone in the dark
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really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo
#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out#elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something#bc i certainly do#maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances#like it’s difficult for me to leave the house#do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty#trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth#after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards#into stuff a lot of the time#trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me#even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty#but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them#idk it’s all just so frustrating#i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really#like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone#but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new#bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes#i wish it were easy but it isn’t#idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again#and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t#it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time#and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon#but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside#and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start#and the cycle continues#christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’#i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with#idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year#and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it#but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻♀️
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Saw Boggie first and OF COURSE I want to know more about that but then I saw Jem and the Holograms and now I CAN'T DECIDE!!! So whichever you're more excited about? 😁
Please!
Hehe that's so fair! Thank you for the ask!!! Well I have the time so... we can talk a bit about both!
Boggie Roommate Stuffy is the fic that refused to write itself. Like I kid you not, this one shot is over a year and a half old and it's only like 1.1k still. But it's basically a And Then They Were Roommates setup for Bobby and Reggie, where their first introduction to each other was Reggie throwing one of those massive, body pillow sized stuffed animals into their new dorm room and almost bowling Bobby over with it by accident.
If I ever manage to finish the stupid thing, it'll consist of some MeetCute, a healthy serving of Make Reggie A Molina 2K Always, Bobby being angsty before meeting his new roommate, and a bit of flirting just for kicks. But the darn thing won't write. Snippet will be under the cut, since this seems like it's gonna be a long post.
Bobby grabs the pile of shirts he’s slid onto hangers and crosses the obstacle course of his own making to the nearest closet. There are two of them in the small room, one closer to each bed, so Bobby takes the closer one to his selected bed, opens it, and places the hangers on the rod. He just has to keep moving. Give himself time to adapt to the new environment. He doesn’t need his parents anymore. Well, for anything other than the money they are paying for his tuition. Hey, rich, absentee parents have to be good for something, don’t they? He continues hanging up clothes and tries to focus on the positives of his situation. He’s not stuck in that big, empty house anymore. Hopefully his roommate will be interesting, so he’ll have someone to talk to when he wants. And the classes he’s signed up for this quarter sound interesting, though the bio class will probably be hard. Maybe him being away will mean his parents actually notice his absence and call every once in a while. Moving for school is a good thing. It just sucks that he has to do it by himself. Just as he finishes hanging up his clothes in the closet, he hears the sound of someone fumbling with the lock on the door. He turns around just as it swings open and in comes… a giant teddy bear?
Okay! And then we got the Jem and the Holograms AU, which is both my beloved and makes me want to scream. As you may have noticed, I'm not the best at committing to long writing projects, and the Jem and the Holograms AU is uh... certainly a long one. The doc is currently around 10k, consisting of just over the first 2 chapters and a bunch of notes.
But plot wise, it follows the basic plot of the Jem and the Holograms movie from 2015. Julie records a song on a whim and one of her siblings (Luke, her adopted brother, in this case) uploads it and it goes viral. From there, Julie, Luke, Alex, and Reggie (all siblings in this one via a combination of fostering and adoption) get swept up into a whole adventure of being anonymously famous, pulled apart by the head of the record company (Caleb Covington, obviously), while also trying to solve a puzzle Rose left behind before she died.
Tis also a JuBobby fic cause I love them! Bobby is their 'handler' when they get to LA. He and Julie butt heads a LOT at first cause he's pretty short and negative and she wants to believe in the dream. But as time goes on, they become friends and maybeeee start to like each other in a more romantic way as well. Cause why not! Though Bobby may have his own line of family drama that they'll get tangled up in too...
Here's a snippet of when Caleb first shows up!
Stilted conversation greeted her as she entered the living room behind her brothers. The first person she noticed was a tall, dark skinned man standing beside the front door. He had on one of those fitted leather jackets that Reggie had always wanted. A pair of tinted sunglasses hid his eyes. His crossed arms and firm stance told Julie he was probably some kind of security personnel. Though she wasn’t sure why security would be at her house, it wasn’t like anyone other than HGC Records knew who she was. “Ah, you must be Julie Molina,” a new voice said, pulling Julie’s attention to the center of the room. Oh. That was why there was security. Caleb Covington was tall, with dark hair just starting to show some traces of grey. His wide smile felt both welcoming and terrifying, at least to Julie. The dark purple suit jacket and black button up seemed like safer places to look. “Or I suppose I should call you Dahlia,” Caleb continued, chuckling. “Our Dahlia, the new star about to blow the world away.” He held out a hand to Julie and she shook it hesitantly. “Hi, um, Julie is fine,” she managed to say.
I have so much love in my heart for this fic but it's so complicated and long! I wish I had all the writing spoons I had mid covid to work on it, but I just don't have the time these days. Someday though. I hope.
Thanks for asking!!!
#legolas tag#julie and the phantoms#legolas answers asks#jatp#reggie peters#bobby shaw#julie molina#luke patterson#alex mercer#the rest of the gang is also around in the Jem AU don't worry!#but I haven't gotten to meeting them yet so...#I'm lowkey tempted to post the first chapter#just to see if anyone is interested#but then I wouldn't want to leave people hanging if they are#and I haven't made progress on this fic since like last summer
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i think one of the worst feelings in the world is having uncertainty about your living situation it is literally so stressful and there's like... not much i can do right now...
#so k is still planning on moving and may be leaving the 16th of may. but doesn't know for sure. but apparently the apartment she wants says#she has to notify our apartment now that she will be leaving which means we both have to sign something that says she's leaving and i'm#taking responsibility for the lease.... and she doesn't know that she has it yet so she doesn't have someone to move in and take her spot.#i'm trying to get my friends to move in but idk if they will probably not. regardless if k leaves and we don't have anyone then i like#legally have to pay the full rent. i don't think she would leave me hanging like that but also i feel so uncomfortable betting my whole#financial situation on that because i would LITERALLY get evicted. like i cannot afford that under any circumstances. sooo.#and on top of that i'm still so scared that i'll end up with a roommate i don't like. ik that's like not even that big of an issue like i've#had that before and i'll survive but i don't want to have to deal with that like ik im being a baby but i just feel so scared about the#whole thing#like i kind of want to say no to signing the thing but that would screw kate over and definitely blow up our friendship but i really don't#feel like our friendship is in a place where i feel like i can trust her with like. my whole entire bank account and credit score. bc like.#that's what's at risk.#idk i'm gonna talk to her about it and just make sure that there's no other way and make sure that she promises to pay her part of the rent#until someone takes it over. and also probably talk to my parents and see if they're willing to bail me out if she DOES fuck me over... i'm#99.99999% sure she won't but. idkkkk my brain is just nagging me abt that one little chance...
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me when i play the class that medics uber and i get. ubered
#yesterday i had the very important job of taking out a heavy+medic pair raiding our spawn and today i got sent to destroy an engie's nest#(by that i mean a teleporter. dispenser and lvl 3 sentry+the engie that built it and a pyro that was i guess just tagging along) (i'm sorry#to them but you don't say no to your medic)#with the first one it wasn't perfect but i DID kill them both and i also destroyed the nest so 💪💪💪#STILL. a fucking scary experience to suddenly see my screen light up and i have to stop fucking around#the medic today actually i guess took it upon themself to lead our team to victory (we did win yay) because they found me and told me via#voice commands that a sentry is ahead and to GOOO!!! GO THEM ZHEM!!!#AND it's also so funny honestly. i get so protective of our medics. we stumbled upon a demoknight in our sewers i mean me and the medic#that sent me to that nest and ofc you take out the medic first but i still go like NO!!! NO!!! LEAVE DOCTOR ALONE!!!!! SHOO!#it's not like that guy was harmless too. no. they took out the ubersaw and started hacking#also unrelated but one guy was like scout in our intel can anyone take care of that. and i usually hang out near spawn so i'm like lol sure#maybe i'll get him. i. exploded him point blank and the guy congratulated me :3 yaaayyy#<that was also probably like. the most organized. communicated match i've played so far and the dude was just generally nice from what#i read when i glanced at the chat. peace and love forever#JESUS. seriously sorry about the diary entires in the tags but i um. i just get excited at the beauty of gaming ok?
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this might take a while
#i don't like the story anymore i need to let it sit longer#not an update#sorry i hyped it up so long and now its not going to happen until later lol#i just think it'd be better if i gave it a break before coming back 2 revamp it#that and my spark has run away </3 i must wait for its return#just watch me contradict myself by posting this and then getting a crazy spike in energy lol#i keep going back and forth on posting something like this but i don't want to leave anyone who's been waiting just hanging there#yknow in the case that it does end up dropped for a long while#i was planning on fixing the problems i had with it as i wrote the thing out but i can't get myself to let them go#soooo like i said i'm going to wait and tap away at it with hammers until i'm more satisfied#i have absolutely no clue whatsoever if i'll do other things in the meantime#this is not the end..........this is.......the...........i don't know#this is the 'hang on a second i need my fucking hammer'#'where is my fucking hammer'
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I wish it wasn't so difficult to maintain friendships. I miss having a lot of friends.
#ranntics#these days I usually don't talk to anyone but my girlfriend#and my coworkers. but they're not my friends. there isn't anyone at work I would hang out with outside of work.#I have a few groupchats with college friends but I'm not really active in them.#friendships over text messages are so hard. but I also don't like leaving my apartment.#and I live so far away from my closest friends. and a lot of them live in major cities that I don't like driving in.#I sometimes wish I was able to message my tumblr mutuals instead of just interacting with posts and making posts to be interacted with#but honestly I have been awful at it the times I've tried. I just can't hold conversations with people anymore#idk. I feel like I'm losing the person I used to be#I used to be. idk. funny and charming and popular and cute. now I'm just. miserable.#I guess I was miserable back then too. but at least people thought I was funny
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i feel like withing next few months i might completely fall out with my best friend help
#each day we only argue more and more#im annoyed she doesnt do anything and shes annoyed i do things in my own way#which leads to constant arguments#and it's been only a month since we started leaving here#after cleaning the whole kitchen for the 3rd time this week i asked her to help me finish stuff and start the dishwasher to which she told#me how to do it myself and like girl no i asked for help with cleaning not for instructions#so i said i won't do it and that she's going to do it#and now the dishwasher hasn't been started for 3 days in a row because of that#and now do i break and do it myself or still wait for her to do it#if by tomorrow it's still dirty i'll start it myself because it's like 3 seconds of work and im annoyed by no clean dishes but mannnnnn#living not leaving* goddammit autocorrect#anyway the worst part is that i dont have any other friends so i can't fall out with her negdhdvd#okay correction: i have 4 more friends but i hang out with them in the process of hanging out with ny best friend#if she's not present those people don't talk to me hdhdh#if anyone's reads it then just ignore it i had to write my thoughts somewhere or I'd explode lmao
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AJR was right. It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me
#not talking romance even btw. although sure yeah that too. but.#I don't know. 28 years without the kind of friendships where you casually hang out a lot#without a social network that you can see weekly.#it's not that I don't appreciate online and farther away friends. it's not. god knows they are my lifeline#but I can feel my heart growing a little more tired and a little colder every so on#and look. I go to activities and have some groups I genuinely enjoy being in#but it has to be said there are 0 individual bonds with anyone there. I enjoy the environment and physical presence of the group#but I can't call any one individual a friend. and that is hard#I know people say to find activities for shared interests and I'm sure some people find friends that way#and I have fun and new experiences but I don't. make friends. like it just doesn't happen#I don't know. I feel like I might as well wander through life as a ghost. virtually impactless#and it's fine. I'll wander through life. I'll travel to experience temporary kinship. all along I'll feel sorrow at the prospect of leaving#but in the end I will come home to an empty house and that is where one day I will die#it's just how it is. it's how it's always been. at a certain point you can't really ask for that miraculous turnaround in life anymore#nothing is going to magically shift. not when life time and time again grabs you and says this is who I am for you#you can wish and wait and hope and it will never ever be anything but this#bien rambles
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