#just so i can not be stuck in this mindset.

[desiresiwant]

Something About You Chapter One

pairing: Seth Clearwater X Black!OC

word count: 6.4k~

warnings: strong language, usage of alcohol, non-con kiss, a pretty much tamed 1st chapter…for now

description: Seth Clearwater finally imprints on Diamond Hicks, someone who just isn’t looking love. While she struggles with her feelings and promises, Seth struggles to find a balance between his new and old self so he can become the wolf his imprint needs.

a/n: Been very excited and impatient to bring this fic to life, so here it is!!! I’d recommend checking out the masterlist before reading, given much has changed from the story we know. If there’s a warning I skipped let me know. P.S The beach scenes were written when it was originally taken place in a warmer month, but changed my mind and didn’t wish to rewrite anything aside from slighty changing minor details. Trust I know how cold 60 can be but it’s fiction.

MASTERLIST | NEXT ->

Chapter One | Stolen Kiss

Seattle, Washington | February 9, 2024

        𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 how Diamond wished to spend her weekend—seven weekends in a row stuck at a family-owned restaurant, cleaning chicken masala between the floor cracks because parents weren’t watching their children who have a tendency to throw whatever in their direction on the floor. 

        This was NOT the adult life Diamond looked forward to when finally leaving home to attend the University of Washington (U.W). Built in one of the cloudiest cities surrounded by endless beauty of mother nature, miles from Orlando, Florida. One of the hottest cities in one of the hottest states, cluttered with people and flashy attractions. The only similarity that felt most like home was rain.

        Never once did Diamond imagine herself so far from home, but unfortunately, U.W was the only institution to offer a full ride for track and field. She accepted immediately and officially became a Husky. 

        But it didn’t cover food, travel, personal expenses, and bills. Diamond’s mother could only send so much with other mouths to feed, being a foster mother to five other children. She knew soon enough the responsibility would be hers to bear as it normally had been.

        The easy one, her mother would describe Diamond. 

        The one who never cried, never asked for much, never made life too difficult. The one who always had to make a way because there was no one else to do it for her. And in a household filled with children every few months or years, it’s easy to forget the easy one when schedules were packed with appointments, drama, and school—which left Diamond to fulfill not only the role of an only child, which that she was, but a parent too.

        Moving to an unfamiliar environment added to that lonesome feeling, but it was also a fresh breath of air. Therapeutic even. 

        Diamond tossed the last thick lump of sauce-covered napkins in the bucket filled with the rest of the meal. Apparently, the mop was broken and the owner’s hard-headed son left to buy a new mop, yet it’s been hours since he returned. It seems he prioritized his Friday night plans, which his parents were heavily against. Something about catching a movie with friends, a harmless movie Mr. Devgn feared would install unhealthy mindsets. 

        Something Diamond should’ve been doing if she hadn’t canceled plans to pick up an extra shift. 

        Mrs. Devgn caught sight of Diamond heading back and perked from her seat behind the register, pausing the drama she was watching on her phone. “Thank you for handling that mess and staying a bit late. When it gets crazy on the weekends, I know we can count on you to come through.” She said and then frowned at her sauce-covered fingers. “I’m sorry you had to clean bare-headed. Karan should be back any second now with that mop.”

        Diamond bit back her scoff. That boy wasn’t coming back and everyone knew it too. “It’s not a problem. At least it wasn’t piping hot.”

        “Oh, god, no! That would be a disaster!”

        Ayra, the Devgn’s third child, appeared through the red curtains with a scoff. “Karan’s not coming back, ma. You picked the wrong child for errands. We all know he’s watching that R-rated movie Baba said no to.”

        Mrs. Devgn smacked her shoulder, knocking out the AirPod hidden beneath her hair that she was secretly listening to music on. “Don’t let your father hear.” She whispered, peeking over her shoulder for her husband nowhere in sight. “He’s already in a pissy mood dealing with your other brother and his costly habits. Go take make yourself useful and take them drinks to table three.”

        “You said I could ring!” Ayra pouted.

        “Go!”

        Ayra couldn’t defy Mrs. Devgn stern look, daring her child to challenge her authority. She flung her head back with a dragged groan before taking the tray of drinks to table three. 

        “Don’t let me hold you up, Diamond. You wash up and take your lunch. I warmed you a plate. It's in the break room since I didn’t trust David and his sticky fingers.”

        “You don’t have to make me lunch every time, Mrs. Devgn. I appreciate it but I don’t want you overworking yourself.”

        Mrs. Devgn waved her off. “All my employees must eat. Plus you’re an athlete and so far from home, I know you’re not eating enough home-cooked meals. Now go, wash wash and eat.”

        She sat comfortably in her chair and resumed her show.

        Diamond knew this wasn’t a fight she could win and Mrs. Devgn was right; she hadn’t eaten enough home-cooked meals. Mostly takeout and cheap ramen. Between classes, practices, and work, exhaustion remained a constant component when it came to cooking and oftentimes cleaning.

        After dumping the bucket and washing her hands, Diamond sat at the mini table in the break room and ate her lamb and chicken bowl mixed in silence. She scrolled through her phone catching up with everyone else’s life on Instagram, imagining herself in their shoes. Taking weekend trips out of the country, getting front-row seats at a concert, splurging money on shopping sprees with friends, and going on cute little dates with a significant other.

        The kind of thrill Diamond should be experiencing especially during her sophomore year in college, away from her mom and her old life. This was the time to start a new life and create new and better memories outside her usual routine…yet had no idea where to start. And was nearly two years late.

        A call paused the story Diamond was currently watching and saw it was her roommate Renesmee calling. She quickly swallowed what was left in her mouth before picking up. “Hey, what’s u—”

        “What are you doing and please don’t tell me you’re working?” Renesmee asked as soon as the line connected.

        Diamond looked around the small room that smelt heavily of her food clashing with other scents from the kitchen. She debated lying to her friend, but what’s the point when she somehow always knew when she was lying?

        Her shoulders fell with defeat as she confirmed, “I’m working. I picked up an extra shift so I won’t be home until eleven-ish, maybe midnight.”

        “God, no, Diamond! Why did you say yes to working late on a Friday night?”

        “I…need the money,” Diamond replied as if it wasn’t obvious in the first place. “Some people aren’t born with golden spoons like you, Nes.” 

        From the time she’s known Renesmee since Diamond’s previous roommate dropped out two weeks within the first semester—who was quite literally the nicest and selfless person ever met, whose grandmother occasionally cooked meals and stuffed the pantries with everything found in a grocery store—it was clear her wealth was out of the question. She was always seen with the latest technology, the rarest edition of purses and shoes, and clothes from unheard-of brands, made from raw material that needed to be washed a certain way. Her side of the room was straight out of a Pinterest board compared to Diamond’s side which had all that she needed and a poster of her favorite movie. She had pictures in her gallery from all over the world. She even owned an expensive car that would take Diamond two generations to pay off, and could only imagine the price of her house she goes back to every break. 

        Working wasn’t a word in Renesmee’s vocabulary, but she was a hard-working student. Always up studying while Diamond crashed out in bed. Sometimes it felt like Renesmee was wasting her time in college by how quickly her mind soaked up information. When she’s bored, she’s reading. When she’s about to sleep, she’s reading. When she’s in a good mood, she’s reading. And it wasn’t silly romance or epic fantasies, but thick nonfiction books that gave Diamond a headache, she enjoyed for regular entertainment.

        “You’re right. I should be mindful of others' situations and I apologize if I came off ignorant.” Renesmee’s apology would’ve caught Diamond off guard if it wasn’t a usual occurrence. Being wrong and taking accountability was nothing she feared. “But I really needed you off today or at least out by six.”

        Diamond paused. “How’d you know I was originally off today?”

        “You write your schedule color-coded on the calendar pinned above your bed, silly. Quite literally hard to miss.”

        “Oh…right.” Her face heated in embarrassment and picked at a piece of shredded lamb before plopping it in her mouth. “So what’s happening at six?”

        “Technically it happens later, but remember my aunt I told you about? The psychic one? Yeah, well, I asked her to look into your future—“

        “Now why would you do that?”

        “You’re my roommate…and my first college friend. I wanted to make sure you’ll stay in my life forever, or however long life gives. Soft spoiler—I overacted over nothing.” Her nervous chuckle failed to comfort herself, admitting words Diamond found hard to believe. 

        Her first college friend? Renesmee was always surrounded by people on campus. Of course, when her boyfriend Jacob wasn’t there to scare everyone away with one look. 

        But the feeling was mutual. Although Renesmee wasn’t Diamond’s first friend in college, she valued their friendship and wanted it to last. The soft spoiler confused her though. 

        Renesmee’s chippy personality came back to life. “Anyway, I asked her to look into your future and she told me something life-changing will happen tonight.” She mused.

        “If it’s Karan coming back with a mop, tell her it’s already too late.” Diamond said into another bite.

        “I have no idea who that is but he has nothing to do with tonight.”

        “You know I don’t believe in that shit, Nes. I gave up wishing on a star and learned to accept reality, or whatever form of reality I choose to accept.”

        She sighed. “I know, but you gotta trust me on this one.”

        “Why?”

        Silence filled the line but not for too long.

        “I can’t say just yet, it’ll spoil the future but trust me. You’ve been ranting about how boring and lonely your life has been since moving to Seattle, wanting to spice it up and meet new people. And I get it, it's not like Florida, but this will change everything. It’s exactly what you need and have been searching for.” She said and there was noise in the background. Faded music, shouting voices, and lots of thick wind. “Come down to La Push. There’s a bonfire happening with lots of hot guys from university and drinks, and the beach—which you’ve said you miss. I can also really use the company of my friend. Please come! Please, please !”

        La Push? 

        That was the exact plan Diamond turned down when a few members on the track team asked if she would pop out. Because Mrs. Devgn asked first about the shift, she declined the outing. This had to be a coincidence. A crazy one that was four damn hours away.

        “La Push is nearly four hours away for one. Two, It’s cold as hell. Three, I don’t have a car and Ubering there in this economy is probably over two hundred dollars. Money I’m not tryna spend over she-say.”

        “Not a problem! I’ll Venmo you the money. The cold never bothered you anyway, the bonfire will keep you warm if you get cold.”

        “I can’t take that from you.” Diamond shut down quickly.

        “Why not? There’s more where it came from, remember? Golden spoon.”

        “I don’t wanna be indebted to you.”

        “What debt? I’m inviting you so I should be the one to take care of the expenses. I promise it’s okay. You don’t need to pay me back.” There was a short pause on the line because Renesmee came back. “Scratch that—pay me back by coming. I’ll hold it over your head if you don’t.”

        Diamond never met this aunt Renesmee constantly brought up and chatted with on the phone, or maybe she had and didn’t know with the many people her roommate attracted like a moth to light. But one thing was certain, she made one hell of a case. 

        Her life has been boring maintaining the same sleep-work-practice-homework schedule, and never felt more alone than she had when first arriving in Washington. Diamond wouldn’t consider herself a borderline introvert, but she would never go out her way to introduce herself to strangers unless it was necessary. Unlike those fortunate enough to link with another upon first meeting, Diamond needed time to warm up to someone. Only then could she be her unfiltered self. But because of those limits she was hesitant to push has caused her life to spiral into uncertainty and unfulfilled satisfaction. 

        Aside from her job, Diamond had nothing to lose. If her roommate’s supposedly psychic aunt swore down this night would change the trajectory of her sad life, then the risk—including the freezing weather and the four-hour long drive—was worth it. 

         “Fine. I’ll come to this stupid bonfire and see what the hype is about.” Diamond agreed and had to hold the phone away from Renesmee squealing with excitement.

        “Thank you! I’ve already sent the money. Come as fast as you can, I’ll see you here!”

————————————-

      𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗔𝗜𝗗 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘. The cost to Uber to La Push wasn’t worth the risk and she dreaded the price of heading back to U.W. Even though Renesmee didn’t mind covering the cost, two hundred was still a lot and four hours spent on the road for a word of mouth was delusion at its finest. Hopefully, she could catch a ride back with Renesmee since they were roommates; anything to save money and the installed mindset of feeling indebted even toward genuine acts of kindness.

        The parking lot was overfilled with cars packed with party-goers like sardines, dragging their friends to race across the sand and meet others dancing around multiple lit bonfires and scattered tents. Diamond removed her shoes and socks to bury her toes in the cool white sand. She closed her eyes and inhaled the salty dry breeze. It reminded her of Florida aside from the cold, home she missed very much. 

        “Diamond! You made it!” 

        Diamond opened her eyes to Renesmee running toward her in a royal blue two-piece bathing suit with a black sheer cover-up tied around her waist. Her long brunette hair danced with the wind, and she had the biggest smile on her pale face with her arms stretched out, knocking Diamond slightly off her feet when she came crashing against her. 

        Diamond hugged her back with a warm laughter as she balanced herself and Renesmee apologized. She was almost convinced her friend matched her height until she realized Renesmee was lifting on her toes. Not that she was much taller, only an inch or two apart.

        “I’m so happy you’re here! You’re in for one hell of a night.” Renesmee pulled away from the hug first, radiating indescribably youth and beauty.

        “I would hope so since that’s why I’m here.”

        She shook her head with a knowing smile. “How were you able to get off early? I thought your boss was strict on busy days?”

        “They are, but I lied. Said I was feeling queasy. My boss offered ginger tea and wanted me to wait it out and see how I felt after a while, but ultimately let me go home. Speaking of which, I am riding back with you right?”

        “Of course. I would never leave you here stranded though, I doubt you’ll leave with me after tonight anyway.” Her dark arched brows wiggled, hinting at whatever her supposedly psychic aunt saw in Diamond’s future.

        A gift she still refused to believe as it was impossible to see the future and Renesmee had a weird sense of humor. Anything said out of her mouth couldn't be trusted on rare occasions especially when speaking about her insanely wealthy family. Aside from that, she’s very honest for the most part. 

        “Oh, I definitely will be leaving with you without a doubt.”

        Renesmee shook her head, chuckling. Then she wrapped an arm around Diamond’s and pulled her toward the coolers near the grills flipping over burgers and hot dogs. They popped open two cool bottles of strawberry seagrams. The fizzled fruity taste was more like soda than alcohol, a drink easily finished and grabbed for another round. Mango flavor this time. 

        “I know that’s not Diamond all the way out here? Outside and at a party?” Before she could turn and see who called her out, an arm threw itself around her neck, pulling on her braids. “You said you were picking up an extra shift and couldn’t make it. You lying bitch!”

        Diamond knew it was Kimi, her track teammate. She had rich russet skin and wide-set expressive eyes. Her dark loose curls were thrown in a messy bun, dressed in jean shorts and a hot pink bikini top, showing off her athletic figure. Next to her was Tayen, also another track teammate. She had dyed her hair pink but the color had dulled and her roots were growing in black. Neither opposed the chilly weather and treated it like a regular sunny day.

        Renesmee spoke up before Diamond could. “That’s because I convinced her to put herself over her job. It’s also her first time in La Push so treat her nice.”

        Tayen clasped a hand against Diamond’s shoulder after she was freed from Kimi as if commencing her first experience. “Welcome to La Push and our humbly reservation home to the Quileute tribe, which is open to all who respect our land, culture, and people.”

        Kimi leaned forward, covering her mouth as she whispered, “between me and you, this is only a step into the reservation. If you truly want a taste of our enriching culture—my culture as a Makah, I would speak to the elders. God knows they love sharing a good story about our guiding spirits, ancient legends, and whatnot.”

        “I’ll consider it, thank you.” Diamond said, sipping her drink and tightening her tote bag on her shoulder. She had no idea where her tribe was located but it didn’t dull the excitement to learn about it and more. 

        “Don’t pressure her, Kimi,” Tayen chuckled. “She’s always migrating people to her grandma so she doesn’t have to sit and listen to her talk off her ear.” 

        Kimi playfully shoved Tayen aside to defend herself and this vile accusation that gave Diamond and Renesmee a good laugh. “Hey, she loves fresh new faces! She’s practically forcing me to bring people home even if I gotta kidnap them and drag them across the damn border.”

        Renesmee threw out a protective arm, guiding Diamond behind her. “No one’s kidnapping my roommate so don’t even think about it. I promised to get her home in one piece.”

        Kimi lifted her hands in defeat, finally backing off.

        Renesmee turned to Diamond and took in her attire. “I hope you’re not planning on getting wet in jeans?” She asked and her brows furrowed in confusion. 

        “It’s sixty degrees…?”

        “That’s what the bonfire and alcohol is for, track star. We've ran in colder conditions. You’ll warm up in no time.” Tayen said, which was true. This weather was nothing to her but a different kind of cold compared to Florida. Shorts were still acceptable clothing during Florida’s chilly days, but in Washington, shorts was basically signing a death wish.

        “You did bring a bathing suit, right?” Asked Renesmee. “Where’s your bag?”

        “What bag? I left work straight here,” she chewed her bottom lip, motioning toward her plain black jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. “This is all I have.”

        Renesmee kissed her teeth. “I told you to bring a bag. It’s beach night! Every couple of months the reservation hosts a beach party open to the public. There’s fun activities, movies, music, games, and the only few opportunities we can stay on the beach and sleep in cute tents without being fined.”

        “That’s not what you told me.” Diamond said. “You told me to show up so I assumed this was a few hours type situation then we drive back, not an overnight thing. Why didn’t you tell me all this when we were on the phone? You know I know nothing about this state besides U.W. let alone bonfire night in a city I’ve never been to.”

        Her eyes narrowed with guilt. “Oh. It must’ve slipped my mind when I got too excited about you coming. I’m sorry.”

        Of course, Diamond wasn’t mad at her roommate. It was an honest mistake. “It’s fine. I just don’t have anything else to wear, and I’m not particularly fond of swimming in ice-cold water. I’m unprepared which I don’t like being. But I guess I can participate for the night.”

        Another risk she was willing to take.

        “Okay, don’t panic ladies, I brought extra bathing suits. You’re free to borrow either one and any other stuff needed for tonight. There’s also plenty of shops in Forks too.” Kimi and the rest offered to chip in to ensure a smooth night. 

        Kimi was already guiding Diamond away from the beach and from Tayen and Renesmee to her small black car in the parking lot.

        She changed in the backseat while Kimi kept watched, and talked Diamond’s ear off about various topics. Most were of those she hadn’t met, coach being a pain in the ass last practice, homework due tonight that she hadn’t started on; and had even proposed Diamond should share a tent with her and Tayen since Renesmee would obviously be sleeping with her boyfriend, to which Diamond agreed. She didn’t want to impose on their lovey-doveyness. It would be awkward too. The two were inseparable.

        The strapless one-piece was a little loose around the chest area but it was a perfect fit. They wore the same size in clothes though Kimi was more muscular with bigger breasts and wider hips as opposed to Diamond with both the thighs and the ass but somewhat smaller breasts. She tied her small-sized braids back from her face and shoved her clothes into her tote bag before getting out. 

        Renesmee was spotted with her boyfriend Jacob as they were walking back to the beach. Tayen was nowhere to be found, nothing out of the ordinary. There were a lot more shirtless men than there were before. All long-haired, muscular, with a tribal tattoo on their arm much similar to Jacob's if not the same. And all unaffected by the chilly weather.

        Jacob had his arms wrapped around her slim body, reaching over her shoulder to bite into the chili hotdog Renesmee was feeding him. She squealed when chili kept dropping on her, so he struck out his tongue and licked wherever it fell along her skin. 

        Diamond wasn’t aware of the creepy smile on her face until her cheeks were aching. Renesmee and Jacob were disgustingly cute together, practically meant to be. Their warm interaction highlighted the loneliness weighing her heart. They had the type of love Diamond wanted to experience someday if life allowed it to happen.

         She hadn’t the best experience with love. She hadn’t even been in a relationship before or surpassed the talking stage. Most was due to her priorities with track and solidifying her career so she wouldn’t end up like her mother, stuck in the same neighborhood she was raised in. Comfortable with nothing and too afraid to feed on any inner ambition. 

        But also because the wanna-be men in her life weren’t looking for a partner but a replacement for their mother.

        And while Diamond was content by herself with friends, she still hoped to live out that first love fantasy in time.

        “Oh, Diamond! Kimi! You’re back already.” With a gasp, Renesmee placed the half-eaten hotdog back on the plate and tried to pull free from Jacob but his arms kept her secure against his broad chest.

        She slapped his arms, but it didn’t stop his tongue from grazing up her neck and reaching her earlobe. Her cheeks burned bright red as he muttered something that only she could hear unless it was the fire casting its glow.

        Kimi gagged as if she heard him. “You guys are disgusting.”

        “Jacob!” Renesmee giggled, hitting him again. “You’re so—let me go! We’re in company.”

        “They don’t mind.” He said while kissing along the rim of her ear. Renesmee rolled her eyes, yet didn’t stop him this time.

        “I mind. Plus you reek of outside!”

        “You never minded it.”

        Renesmee said nothing, proving his point.

        Kimi looked past the couple and stood straight when someone or something caught her attention. “Hi, Edward!” She greeted the mass of people with a wave Diamond was unable to pinpoint. 

        Jacob immediately ripped himself off Renesmee and composed himself into a respectable man any woman would bring home to meet her family. No longer the horny man whispering nonsense in his girlfriend’s ear, who also pushed herself from her boyfriend. The quick action caused the hotdog to slip off the paper plate. She adjusted her bikini top before pushing her voluminous hair over her shoulders to cover her chest. 

        Kimi’s face deepened a dark color of red, her lips pressed tight and her cheeks were inflated with air as she struggled to contain her laughter. It was then when the couple looked back to nothing that she couldn’t hold it anymore and laughed in their faces.

        Jacob kissed his teeth while pushing back his short dark hair. “You play too damn much. He’s not even allowed on our land without permission.”

        “Yet you still fell for you.” Kimi hugged her stomach, laughing still. Jacob jumped at her and she flinched, but it didn’t stop her laughter.

        “Edward?” Diamond questioned while slipping on her jacket. The name sounded familiar but couldn’t be sure since her roommate talked about people often when Diamond’s just getting back from practice so their names mush together.

        “My d—my cousin. You’ve met him before, remember? Tall and moody with bright eyes.” Renesmee knelt to pick up the sandy hotdog and placed it on the plate which Jacob took from her to toss out. 

        “Ah right.”

        Diamond did remember her cousin, Edward. He visited every once in a while with his wife, Bella. They often took Renesmee out on weekly dinners that would last for hours or even days and had her coming back to the dorm at odd hours. They were nice and welcoming and Edward even once guessed a thought on Diamond’s mind before she said it. 

        Though it’s strange because while they weren’t Renesmee’s parents, whom she had never met, as young as they were, their interactions were far from cousins and more parental. Their appearances alone were uncanny especially when compared to Bella. The two of them were constantly hitting her line. 

        “Jacob, you remember Diamond?” Renesmee changed the subject when Jacob returned with another hotdog.

        He extended his hand toward Diamond which she took. “The roommate, of course. We always meet in awkward situations.”

        “We do.” Oftentimes when the couple were engaging in sexual activities. Renesmee forgets to give Diamond a heads up or put something on the door, which sucked on days when she couldn’t wait to rot in bed after studies.

        “We should change that. I hear so much about you from Nessy, I feel we’re already the best of friends.” It came out as a tease directed to his girlfriend who didn’t mind him. Her attention was fixated on their surroundings, scanning the crowd as if searching for danger. 

        “Likewise and we should.” Diamond agreed. Her reply sounded as awkward as it was. Jacob wasn’t a stranger in a sense but they weren’t close on any level and their only connection was Renesmee.

        “Anyway, I’m glad you could make it. Tonight will be a festive of activities so don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and let loose.”

        Diamond was starting to look forward to tonight aside from whatever the future held. The alcohol kept her warm as well as the bonfire they stood by, feeling herself loosen up. She needed a break from her usual routine—fresh air.

        “Why you’re back so early from patrol?” Kimi asked out of nowhere and Diamond felt their eyes on her for reasons she didn’t care to analyze. 

        Her attention was captured by a fifteen year old girl playing in the water with a boy who looked around her age, possibly a bit older. He would howl like a wolf and beat his chest like a monkey, his short curly hair gone with the wind with his tattoo—just like Jacob—on display. The girl covered her face in embarrassment and splashed water on him with her other hand, causing him to rush after her. 

        They weren’t the only cute couple in the mix of locals and drunk college students, existing as if only they existed. Jacob and this guy weren’t the only ones showing off this particular tribal tattoo, though it seemed those with it were occupied by a romantic partner. It was like it was an initiation before getting into a relationship.

        Jacob ran a hand through his short hair, a stressful sigh filling his lungs as he spoke. “Something’s wrong with Seth.” At this, Kimi panicked and bombarded Jacob with hordes of questions that he had to lift his hand to quiet her so he could continue. “Seth’s fine. He’s as healthy as the rest of us, but we had to cut patrolling short because he needed to come back.”

         “Why?” Kimi inquired and Jacob shrugged.

        “Who the fuck knows. It’s Seth. His mind was distracted and the p—” A quick look in Diamond’s direction was noted. “—the group struggled to concentrate, so I allowed him to return. But I got worried and followed behind to check on him and ensure he hadn’t knocked his head somewhere. He’s acting stranger than usual.”

        So were they, but Diamond didn’t question anything outwardly.

        Kimi sighed with relief upon hearing this. “That’s Seth for you. My cousin’s always been a little weird since I can remember. He’s probably hungry.” She chuckled and everyone but Diamond, who didn’t know this person or what he was like, agreed. 

        “Probably so, it sounds like him for sure. But if Seth is in any kind of trouble I’ll be the first to know, so don’t go alerting Sue or your sister Emily yet.” Jacob pulled Renesmee closer to his side with an arm around her waist. She molded against him, a perfect fit. They were like magnets; unable to go a moment without physical contact.

        Kimi tilted back her head to drink the rest of her bottle, only to quickly realize it was emptied. “I need another well-deserved drink after breaking my track record by nine seconds. Diamond, let’s leave these lovebirds to their disgusting conversation.”

        Renesmee playfully rolled her eyes. “Our conversation is pretty tamed compared to others.”

        “Yes, and I’m never free from them when we’re together.”

        Diamond did agree to go with Kimi for another drink, leaving Renesmee behind with her boyfriend who wanted her to remain close. She was in need of another drink, unable to put down the seagrams, and in need of food—something to snack on since Mrs. Devgn’s cooking hit the spot. There were more leftovers, tied in a plastic bag shoved in her purse that hung heavy on her shoulder. 

        Opting for two little bags of chips, Renesmee was overheard telling Jacob something he needed to know regarding Seth. But instead of outright telling him with words, Diamond watched as her hand caressed his muscular arm in a prolonged manner, starting from his wrist. No words were exchanged the entire time but Jacob’s eyes snapped in Diamond’s direction with shock. She tore away her gaze toward Kimi pouring herself a drink from a questionable clothed bottle. However it was too late since they knew she was watching.

        “Are you sure?” His question carried far, and Diamond could now feel their gazes burning holes through her head. It made her self-conscious for some reason. 

        Like they knew this bathing suit wasn’t a perfect fit, or she’s had way too many seagrams and didn’t save any for everyone else, or there was something on her face no one was telling her about, or something worse. 

        Jacob shook his head with a chuckle. “That explains everything. Sue will faint once she hears of this.” He responded to Renesmee whose voice hadn’t been heard at all.

        But the strangest part—which had nothing to do with Diamond—was how they communicated without words. Spot on as if they were reading each other’s minds. It wasn’t the first she caught her roommate conversing in that manner, and by the looks of it, it wouldn’t be the last. 

        Kimi returned with her red cup filled with a brown-like substance and offered the cup to Diamond. “Wanna sip? This is the real shit you can’t just buy from any local booze store. This batch takes our elders over forty years to brew, traditions that've been passed down for centuries. Could even be called a potion.”

        Diamond took the cup and sniffed it. The strong smell forced her head back and cleared her throat as it burned through her nostrils and down her throat. “What’s in it?” She asked while fighting to control her expression so as not to offend anyone. The smell only caught her off guard.

        “Never asked, never cared.” She shrugged. The hype music had her swaying her hips and mouthing lyrics to the wrong part of the song. “Fair warning though, it’ll have you so fucked up you’ll be dining with Jesus himself.”

        Diamond handed back the cup. “No thanks. I’m not tryna dine with a dead man in a place I’ve never been before with people I’m meeting for the first time. That’s a crime scene waiting to happen.”

        “A sip won’t do much but have you light-headed and warm. Few more sips will have you lightly fucked up, but it’ll all wear off in a few hours or so. No pressure though.”

        Kimi added the last part in case she was coming off too strong. Diamond didn’t feel like being light-headed for a few hours, but her curiosity got the best of her. She also didn’t want to turn down a drink with history behind it that Kimi willingly shared. It was an experience she wouldn’t have again.

        She took the cup and did her best not to smell it while taking a sip bigger than expected. Its bitter taste burned down Diamond’s throat immediately upon contact, forcing her to cough like a mad woman. The alcohol left a strange sweet aftertaste. 

        “What the fuck?” Diamond heaved.

        Kimi took the cup before anything spilled. “Yeah,” she chuckled while rubbing Diamond’s back, agreeing with her reaction. “It gets better after a few times.”

        “I’m barely surviving my first time.”

        “You’re doing better than most.”

        Diamond decided then to stick with her seagrams especially when her environment started tilting. She grabbed onto Kimi’s arm to level herself. She knew what she was getting herself into but didn’t expect one sip to affect her like this. More like she didn’t believe Kimi, which she described as a potion.

        Kimi was looking over Diamond’s shoulder when she squealed right into her ear. “Speak of the Devil, there goes little Seth.” 

        She waved behind Diamond and she turned to see an attractive guy heading toward their direction from what she could make out through her tilting environment. He appeared tall from the distance growing shorter and was one of the few who wore a shirt. A plain sleeveless gray shirt that hung at the side and showcased his tribal tattoo, as well as his well-built figure. Not big and bulky like the rest of the men, neither was he lanky and thin. His curly long hair was tied messily back with loose strands shaping his youthful face, and his russet-colored skin glowed beneath the moonlight.

        He was cute. 

        It didn’t hit Diamond that she was staring him down, unable to look away when their eyes met. Like some weird mystical force refusing her to look elsewhere until she forcefully ripped away her gaze—way too fast that she gripped Kimi’s arm tighter to steady herself from falling over. Fuck this drink was strong.

        Kimi didn’t mind being used as a rest stop since it was her drink she offered. She assured Diamond she was okay and her symptoms were normal, but if something didn’t feel right to alert her immediately. She felt fine for now.

        But when glancing back at the guy, supposedly Seth, chills scorned her arms because he looked at Diamond, as if she was the only woman to exist in his world. His surroundings weren’t of his concern.

        She looked away again. 

        Kimi stepped forward when he was within feet. “Seth, you alright? Jacob told me you weren’t feeling—” She was pushed passed and Diamond knew he was standing directly in front of her.

        “Um…” She stepped back, unsure what this man wanted and why he stopped directly in front of her when his cousin called for him. “Hi? Can I help you?”

        A firm arm slid around Diamond’s back, his hand cupping her chin, brushing his thumb along her glossy lips. Diamond flinched at his heated touch, nearly feverish. He lifted her face to meet his strucken gaze displaying a range of emotions. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, taking in every detail of her face. “I love you already.”

        Diamond opened her mouth to protest but was fed her words when the stranger leaned forward to capture her lips. Her pulse quickened when he took a chance to deepen the kiss further when her lips parted in shock. The kiss didn’t have a consistent rhythm. In truth, it was sloppy, possibly due to Diamond struggling to participate against an eager kisser taking everything for himself. Though she wasn’t one to speak.

        This was her first official kiss. Minus kissing games back in freshman year in high school that were quick and short due to shyness and not having enough players.

        And this stranger stole it. 

        Diamond quickly came to her senses and lifted both her hands—one filled with the bags of chips—and pushed at his broad chest. He was much stronger than he looked, it was like pushing at a rock. He immediately tore himself off once deciphering her attempt.

        “What the fuck is your problem?” There was not one inch of guilt on his face and it pissed her off. 

        So she slapped him. 

        Hard.

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆

If you like what you read and wish to read more of this fic, you can read more here

[greatpoetrychopshop]

About DA:TV ending

My thoughts on the veilguard ending, which might be not in line with most people think of it, in particular on the final scene (but I would very much like your opinion and point of view in replies).

I finished the game yesterday and I didn't stop thinking about the implications of the last Solavellan scene, asking myself many questions and the more I think about it, the less I am happy with the fate of the ship.

I do believe that the Solavellan ending is not as happy as many people thought it would be. To be honest, I think Solavellan's fate is particularly sad, awful. I did not intend to express my opinion about it but I am so troubled by it that I need to write it down.

Let's talk about the thing I liked first; I really loved the fact that Mythal decided to "free Solas from his duties" toward her. It implies that from the very moment Solas took a physical body, he was torn between its nature turned to Wisdom and his proud side growing from his actions dictated by Mythal, showing that the many mistakes he had done are as much Mythal's fault than his, which, in my opinion, calls for a fate made of redemption, and hope in a future where he could finally choose his destiny. As a fan of the Dragon Age saga, from the very beginning we know that forcing a spirit doing things against its nature is a terrible thing, and Solas, as any spirit we saw having the same fate in the franchise, deserves our compassion and his friends forgiveness.

However, what is his fate when he is convinced to make peace with his past mistakes? Going back to the prison (this has been confirmed by Weekes on their social media account BlueSky), and linking his destiny with the Veil and protect it as much as he can. And I insist on it, it's a PRISON, so it is very much implied that he is PUNISHED for his past actions.

Are we talking about the same prison Rook has been stuck ? This place of horrible emptiness and despair, cut from the rest of the world and the Fade itself, the Fade he loves so much ?

That means that Lavellan will live with him yes, but a Lavellan cut from her roots, her family, her Dalish clan, her friends she made while running the Inquisition ?

I don't think this is a deserved fate for any of them.

There is as well the argument that an immortal being must be linked to the Veil for it to not collapse, that feels like a last minute narrative twist to force the ending toward a certain direction, and justifying (again) that Solas cannot choose his fate.

Solas is now bound to the Veil by blood, and the implications of this are SO HUGE, that means that he has now new duties that falls upon him (after spending millenias having duties toward Mythal), after deserving having his own destiny in hand. That means as well he is FORCED to remain alive in order to maintain the Veil and avoid a new cataclysm that would destroy the world.

And what does that mean for both Solas and Lavellan? He is condemned to live forever, again, not choosing his fate, and see Lavellan die, for she is mortal. And THIS, for me, is the coup de grace.

Solas wanted two things : having a simpler life just like the one he had while helping the Inquisition, and not dying alone. Both of them are not resolved, for there is no chance that he could have a simpler life with his life now bound to the Veil, and being left alone in the world as ages pass…

I cannot see it as a good ending for them and I cannot imagine anyone thinking this knowing all those facts.

There could have been such better ending for them, I had that idea that maybe Solas could have known the same fate similar to what Cole had, meaning that there was a possibility for him to become more human, even if its mindset and personality would have been a little altered.

An Ancien immortal Elven, choosing to become mortal, and finally making its own choices with his lover at his side with a death he could have chosen. It would have made a wonderful echo to the discussion Varric and Solas while trying to help Cole during his personal quest, and a last hommage to the character of Varric himself that remain central to the story of Veilguard itself…

I know that every Dragon Age game has its story with a certain bittersweet ending, but what I feel for the Solavellan ship is not bittersweet, it's unfairness, after everything we kown of this two wonderful characters…

As I am writing down right now, I feel so enraged by this ending and non said things about it, leaving us with questions calling only, if we apply logic, for dreadfull answers.

For my part, I will let the Veilguard behind me (even though there are some parts that I enjoyed anyway) go back to DA:I in some time and make my own headcanon for the Solavellan ship, far from the one Bioware decided, unless there is a possibility for both of them in the future to have a better resolution.

Anyway please don't hesitate to comment to tell me what is your opinion about it, if you don't agree I'm very interested.

[barbs111claims]

Hi

So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.

So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶

wow. Thanks for sharing your struggles I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I really want to say that we all ARE Master Manifestors. Either consciously or unconsciously. It is amazing how you found your powers earlier but also I want you to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of because "Good or bad" doesn't exist to I AM. They are just Human made concepts.

I AM is I AM.

It is being. It is the vessel that comprehends, desires and thru I AM, it gets what it want.

I would suggest you to go back meditating and just focus on the day, your thoughts and journal them and do some introspection.

Every time you have a negative thought, observe them and ask why you have that. Is it the vessel's fear or your fear? (short ans: It's your vessel's)

So as we know the creation is already done. I AM exists anywhere, It is our decision to choose what we want. I know having that power might go good or cause anxiety but the truth is that it is so freeing.

Think of the times when you manifested and the fulfilment. Feel that feeling again.

Free yourself, you aren't gonna 'manifest' anything bad to yourself truly because you are the god of your reality and god doesn't worry for being a god.

And if you still have worries, Loa is basically Law of assumptions so just assume that every time a negative thought pops, your new story manifest quicker. BE CRAZY. It's your reality<3

(btw your thoughts or your mindset getting worse are just affirmations, you can ditch the old story any moment now)

[dykedvonte]

My post about Anya is making like a little ruckus on Twitter and I think it’s crazy how many people like have a problem with it.

Like you don’t have to agree with how I characterize Anya and her actions but it’s more like, why are you focused on only one aspect of her character? Why are you removing nuance from the situation? I don’t see it as giving Curly the benefit of the doubt when it comes to doing better for Anya, but as exploring his character and hers relationship with a the very little authentic facts we get about them. In truth, there’s a lot more I wish Curly did, even if it wasn’t pragmatic but I realize the issue there.

The first psychological horror game in a while that’s real intricate in its storytelling and makes you need to really need to address the morality of intentions and its already getting torn asunder smh 😔

[rainmonarch]

.

[suddencolds]

~

[angelsdean]

dean's kinda right for calling sam a selfish bastard in 1x11 because like, in this instance sam insisting they do what HE wants very much WILL result in two people getting killed. like it's a certainty. if they turn around and head to california two innocent people WILL die.

while they're driving and discussing the case they figure out the window for these disappearances is consistent across the board: second week of april. then sam say this is the second week of april.

sam sums up the gist of it, john's sending them there to save this next couple before they vanish. this job isn't just about hunting some monster or spirit in the area that may attack, the attack is certain. the pattern has been consistent for years. it's very likely another couple will disappear / die. and it's already the second week, there's no wiggle room, no space to pause and come back to this case later.

still, sam insists on dropping the case and heading to california. the demon and getting revenge is more important to him right now than saving lives.

dean says, this is important. saving lives is important. and sam says he understands, but his next statement shows he really really doesn't. because he says "I'm talking one week here...to get revenge." ONE WEEK is exactly the amount of time you don't have. Letting this case sit for one week will ensure that another couple dies. Revenge can wait. John can wait. It's been over six months at this point without word from John. Now that they know generally where he is, it can wait. One week won't change much on that front.

so, i mean, dean IS kinda right. sam IS being selfish in this moment (and stubborn. he is thee Most taurus)

yes, dean is also a bit defensive and deflecting because sam won't stop insisting dean's a mindless little soldier and dean also feels some resentment at sam for just leaving him to deal with john on his own (1x06 shifter monologue) and some of those feelings are a bit unfair (but dean's allowed to feel them! just like sam's allowed to feel his anger and resentment toward dean! they can feel things even if their perceptions of the situation are not 100% true). and this scene is playing off as an echo to sam leaving for stanford, he's going to california whether dean likes it or not! and that's gotta be dredging up some bad feelings for dean. but dean's still right about sam acting selfishly here. sam says he understands that hunting is important and this job is important, yet he's willing to let these people die and be collateral in his quest for revenge.

(side note: it's also very interesting to me that when sam asks "that's what you really think?" dean owns up to it right away. which is a nice contrast to the last episode where sam under ghost-possession says a whole lot of shit to dean, fulled by his anger which the ghost is exacerbating, and it's very obvious to dean and the audience that sam does feel those things, even if the words came out harsher than they might have normally. but sam insists at the end of the episode he didn't mean it !! but from dean's reaction we can tell dean doesn't buy it. but here, dean doesn't beat around the bush. he's angry with sam, he's annoyed that sam is putting his own feelings and need for revenge over what dean believes is the more important part of their job, saving people. and so he says it! and maybe it's harsh and sure he'll feel bad about it later, but it's healthier to say how he really feels abt the situation then pretend everything is fine)

in summary: AITA for wanting to drop a case that NEEDS to be completed this very week or else two people WILL disappear and likely die, just so i can track down our dad who's been MIA for *checks notes* over six months, because he's closing in on the demon that killed my mom and girlfriend and i just want to get revenge already !! even though california's a big state and it'll take me at least a day or more to get there and there's no guarantee i'll even find our dad but we can work this case now and save lives now but i just, don't wanna :/

[hearts401]

raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."

people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!

[oatflatwhite]

frankly. the fact my body decided to give me a curved spine and tilted pelvis AND endometriosis thus making it incredibly difficult to live pain free in my lower back is. rude.

[doveotion]

Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy

[mobblespsycho100]

ngl sunday has some good points. "It's just an escape!! You can't get over your inner demons" OKAY???? AND?????????????

RIGHTT LMAOOOO HES KINDA COOKING

[gxlden-angels]

I have a lot of religious guilt around being angry, especially being angry at someone, and it's so funny talking about it with my therapist because I'll admit something like "I feel like Im in a constant low level state of resentment" or that Im thinking something slightly harsh about a person and my therapist will be sitting in his seat like

[peribirb]

anyone else incapable of feeling things lately or am i just That Messed Up

[lavenoon]

A little heads-up because I know I've been quiet on original content for a couple days now, and I don't know when I'll post something again. I currently hate everything I draw and it's taking a lot out of me to not delete everything I've posted, and trying to get out of that slump is taking too much energy for me to write. The Foxy introduction chapter for AU is my current main project, but it's slow going because I'm Bad At Pirate(tm) so I won't make any promises of when that'll be out. But I'm chugging along and fighting the brain, so thank you for your patience <3

[caliboron]

I really want to scream as loud as I can and break something

[hum--hallelujah]

it's Crab who does the saving. of course it is, the nurse, the silent, confident, so very calm one of them. the one who loves Benzedrine more than he could ever speak. of course it is. but he's not calm, and he's not confident. he is not the doctor. he's not meant to be. he's always been meant to be the support. that's where he thrives, where he was born to be. of course he would be the nurse. his heart is pounding and he's breathing fast, too fast, and sweating, he can feel it. he's terrified that he's wrong, that he's going to be wrong, that he's going to do something wrong and kill Benze instead of save him. he can't get the moment out of his head. the split second, not ten minutes ago, walking into the station and Benze on a chair, slumped over the table, unresponsive. he thinks his heart stopped, but it's beating too hard for asystole right now. he knows diagnostics. Benze taught him this. he knows what an overdose looks like not because of books the way Benze learned it but because he's seen it happen before. not often, but when partiers in the Zones get their hands on City drugs, they're prone to taking it too far. this isn't party drugs, though. that isn't Benze. the bottle on the table, empty but for a drop, reads morphine. Crab thinks of this morning, before they'd left for the track. Benze had been down, and hard, with a headache. he said it was normal. he said it was fine. but he hid under a blanket and groaned whenever Sandman or Donnie talked too loud. he'd been in pain. how long has this been happening? how bad has it gotten to warrant this? how desperate must he have been the first time to stop the pain? how hadn't Crab known? he'd sat on the edge of the bed before leaving and kissed Benzedrine's temple. he's morbidly glad for that. fatalistic, but if that's the last interaction they'll ever have had, at least it was that. his hands are shaking when he signs at Sandman and Donnie, either or, whoever has more presence of mind, to find- he doesn't have the time to fingerspell it. Benze's lips are turning blue. he's not responding to- the word is stimuli. the sign is a mimicry of poking someone. so it's Crab who retrieves the medicine, of course it is, of course it's Crab. this vial is labeled kloxxado. Benze called it naloxone when he found it in their inventory the first time. Crab's hands are shaking as he preps a new injection. most things work fastest intravenously. the blood does it. the heart does it. his heart is thumping out of control. his heart is beating just to keep Benze's the same. his best friend doesn't even respond when he sticks the needle into his arm. Benze might be the one who’s dying (he can’t die, Crab won’t let him, of course he won’t, he can’t-) but Crab thinks maybe he’s only alive for Benze. like maybe if Benze dies he will too. like maybe the only thing keeping his heart beating is the fluttering pulse he can feel as he holds onto Benze’s wrist. he feels like he’s gonna pass out but he does all the right things, keeps his best friend alive despite himself because of course he does. he’s the caregiver. he’s the nurse. his heart is beating for this. (his heart is beating for Benze)