#just really close friends that trust and rely on each other due to past traumas

[kaijumydude]

🩸💡🌋🧸💬 for reed!!

Me *sees Reed’s name in my inbox*: fUCK YEA BABEY

🩸 - Does your OC believe in blood being thicker than water? (meaning family relationships and loyalties are the most important)

That depends, Reed believes that family is strength, but more with the people you choose to call family. Sometimes the friends you make can be so much closer than the family you were born to. As another saying goes, “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. 

💡 - How does your OC enact plans? Do they plan down to the smallest details, or do the wing it?

Reed is very articulate with his plans. He likes to make sure he has a reaction for every or at least most situations. Plans very on verse. For Destiny, he usually does this when they have to face enemies, despite being immortal they can still die if they aren’t careful enough, or worse (he knows first hand). 

They usually work but sometimes he has to rely on Paulie’s quick improvising to save their asses. When it comes to scientific endeavors, he has a base plan and just sorta goes with the flow on the rest. In Far Cry he has to have every detail plotted out. If something goes wrong and he is found out by Eden’s Gate his whole operation of getting people out of the cult will fall.

🌋 - What’s your OCs temper like? Are they a slow boil, or an instant explosion?

He is very understanding and patient. Reed tried to see things from all angles (on smaller things, when it comes to moral quandaries and the rights of people he has firm beliefs). Yelling and slamming things give him anxiety due to past stuff so he likes to talk it out. However, you know he’s pissed if he’s dead silent and won’t look at you.

🧸 - On a scale of 1 - 10, how ‘soft’ is your OC? 1 being the edgiest of edges and 10 being a literal teddy bear that cries at everything? (Bonus questions, where on the scale would your OC place themselves, and where would they like to be on the scale?)

Hmmm I’d say Reed is probably a 10 slkdnksjds, He’s soft in a “just very caring and willing to show it” way. He saw an alien frog and starting crying on the spot (happy crying tho sdsjdhsk).  Reed would also say he’s a 10. He knows he soft, if anything he’s proud of it. 

💬 - Is your OC much of a talker? Do they only speak when spoken to? (Or not even then?) Do they ever talk over others?

Depends. If he doesn’t really know them or are just acquaintances, he’ll be more quiet and talk when spoken to. He’s a bit shy. If friends, he’ll talk a bit more but not too much. If a very close friend or someone he trusts/cares about, he can talk their ear off.

Infodumping on interests makes him happy. Paulie likes to hear him talk about stuff cause he just gets so into it and he knows how to say it in a way others will understand even if they have no knowledge in the topic. Sometimes she’ll have him talk when going to sleep cause she can easily fall asleep to his voice since she trusts him and his presence.

[bunnyywritings]

bubbly s/o opens up about trauma pt. 1

bakugou katsuki & shouto todoroki x gn!reader

word count: 1.8k

requested by anon: Katsu, Sho, Izu, and Eiji headcanons to their bubbly, and sweet crush, and close friend, opening up to them about being abused by their parents growing up? They've gotten therapy and are living with their Grandparents but sometimes they get upset when someone brings up parents or asks about the scars from abuse. They tell them they shared this with them because they refused to lie to them. They hug him close, thanking him for being a good friend. -Morp

[a/n: i hope you don’t mind that I’m doing it in parts anon! i ended up doing scenarios for each one, i'm a bit rusty so i apologize if this isn't very well done. you can read part 2 [ here ] ,thank you for requesting sweet heart! here you go! - yours truly, bunny -`ღ´- ]

TW: mentions of parental abuse & scars, nothing explicit but implied

To an extent, he always knew. Maybe not the specifics, but whenever you were alone and thought no one was paying any attention, you’d let your guard down. The metaphorical sparkle in your eyes would dim, your shoulders would slump as if you were taking a break. Then someone would approach and in the blink of an eye, the sparkle was back and the familiar grin on your lips was present once again. Despite what others may think, Bakugou was a good friend.

He worried about you. A lot.

That may be due to the fact that he has a huge crush on you, but it was unlikely. He values your friendship so much. He’d rather have you as a friend than anything else, really. That was mainly his insecurity talking though. He just thought he wasn’t good enough for you. No one was, really. But that’s besides the point.

He had never explicitly said anything about his feelings for you but he didn’t need to. It was quite clear through his actions. Well...clear to everyone but you, that is. Even Aizawa had caught on. And he couldn’t care less about his students’ love lives. He’s had his fill of teenage angst and drama.

During training, he’d always make sure your water bottle was full or during lunch he’d keep an eye out and make sure you were eating. Sometimes he’d even give you extra pieces of meat from his plate, or if he had veggies he knows you like, he’d wordlessly place them into your rice bowl.

Now this wasn’t one sided at all. You also had your ways of looking out for him.

If you were doing a convenience store run with Sero and you saw the particular snack that Bakugou likes, you’d instantly grab a few. For his birthday, you had gotten him custom earplugs for quirk training. It had been after you and him were paired to spar against each other, he always insisted on not holding back against you out of respect, and you had experienced one of his full blown attacks head-on. Your ears were ringing for about half an hour before you could somewhat hear again, and even then, everything was a bit muffled.

Needless to say, you were worried about his hearing

He scoffed and rolled his eyes when he unwrapped the box. Scolding you for wasting money on something he had no use for.

He always uses them though. Especially when he’s doing stamina training, and it’s explosion after explosion.

Anyways. He notices your strange behavior, one day. You stopped trying to keep up the façade and you were sort of gloomy all day. He was absolutely pissed that no one had noticed the change, and he’d yell at them later for it, but he kept his cool and waited until he could be alone with you.

It had been around 8pm, just an hour before his bedtime, when he made some tea for the both of you and carried it up to your dorm room. He paused in front of your door, looking down at both his hands, a mug in each one, then looking at the door handle. Realizing he won't be able to physically open the door by himself, he awkwardly bumped the door with his elbow.

“Hey idiot, it’s me. Open the door.” He grumbled quietly, frowning when you hadn’t responded. Before he could repeat himself a little more aggressively, the muffled sound of your sniffling made his stomach drop. Panic rising throughout his body as he made up worst case scenarios in his head.

“(Y/n), seriously. Is everything okay?” All attempts to sound calm failed as his voice betrayed him, trembling the slightest bit.

On the other side of the door, you started to panic. Furiously wiping any evidence of tears or snot from your face before you slumped over to the door, turning the lock and tugging it open to reveal a frowning Bakugou. He wasn’t upset, he was worried. It was evident in his red irises.

“Here. Drink it before it gets cold.” He handed you a mug before walking past you and into your room. He admired the decor everytime he was in there, no matter how many times he had seen it already, it never failed to make his heart warm. You had a wall full of pictures of yourself with your friends. There were a few solo photos of your friends as well. Most were candid shots, there were a fair few of him.

It always reminded him that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. You cherished those candid photos because in your eyes, when your friends were carefree and themselves, no poses, no facade, that’s when they were their most beautiful.

He took a seat on your bed and patted the space beside him. Nudging the door shut, you made your way over and got comfortable.

“What’s up with you today? You seemed...not yourself.”

You didn’t respond, opting to take a sip of your tea. He knew there was something up and he wasn’t gonna push you. So he leaned back and got comfortable, waiting until you were ready. It was a solid three minutes of silence before you took a deep breath.

“I-I don’t want to lie to you, Katsuki. It just wouldn’t be fair so uhh, yeah. Here goes.” He could tell that this was overwhelming for you so, wordlessly, he put down his mug and held his hand out to you and you grasped it, like it was a lifeline.

And you told him.

You told him about the abuse from your own parents. He felt his blood boil as you showed him a few scars inflicted by your parents’ quirks. You explained that it was the anniversary of the day you ran away and went to live with your grandparents, and how you had been seeing a therapist on the regular since then.

It pained him to see you struggle through the tears, hiccuping a few times as you attempted to catch your breath. You didn’t even have to say it but he could see it, it was an all too familiar feeling to him. He tugged you to him, letting go of your hand and pulling you into his chest, his arms wrapping you up in a warmth that made the stinging tears return.

“You know, this doesn’t make me think less of you. You’re not weak. Those bastards don’t realize how bad they screwed up. You’re strong, and they’re gonna regret every goddamn choice they’ve made when they see how far you’ll go.”

“Thank you.” You whimpered as you gave in to the new wave of tears, hooking your arms around his shoulders. “Thank you…”

If anyone asks, no...he wasn’t crying. (He was though.)

If anyone was familiar with the signs of abuse, it was him. 

It hurt him so much knowing that you had gone through what he did, maybe not to the same extreme but you had experienced it nonetheless. 

He admired you though. Despite whatever happened to you, you were always bright. Always in a good mood and always choosing to see the good in people. He knows that he didn’t have the strength to do that. Maybe eventually, but not so soon. He had never wanted to pry. You guys were friends, practically best friends and he trusted that you’d tell him when you were ready. 

To his knowledge, no one knew. No one mentioned the way you’d flinch around sudden movements or when someone raised their voice. Honestly, it was a wonder that you had even befriended Iida. He was the epitome of loud and sudden. Always waving his arms around at the randomest times and always shouting to chastise someone for breaking a rule. 

He noticed that you tended to cover up your torso often. Never really wearing anything more revealing than a normal t-shirt. Even on the class trip to the beach, you insisted on staying covered up. No one questioned it, chalking it up to insecurity. Even during training when everyone had to wear their gym uniform, while others undid the top part and wrapped it around their waist, being clad in a tank top or sports bra, you had always kept it on. Even when it was extremely hot. More often than not, he found himself resting his palm against your forehead to cool you off. 

It hadn’t been very hot, but Aizawa decided to run everyone ragged with combat training, so everyone was partnered up. Todoroki had been partnered with Denki and you had been paired up with Eijirou.

As he sat with his classmates, watching the two of you spar, he was quite impressed. Not that he doubted your skill but both fighting styles were drastically different. Eijirou and his quirk relied on close combat while your quirk worked best with long-range. He could see the frustration on your face when Eijirou kept charging towards you and engaging in hand to hand.

As the fight went on, Kirishima had hardened his forearm and hand, kinda like a makeshift blade and as he took you down, he had accidentally cut the top of your gym uniform. As the dust settled and the both of you got up, the tear in your clothes allowed the whole class to see your back and shoulders, skin littered with scars. All were different in size, color, severity, etc. 

Everyone was stunned silent, not having expected anything like this. 

“(Y/n)...what happened?” You could feel the breeze on your back and the pity in Kirishima’s eyes made you angry.

Everyone suddenly snapped into realization. Various questions of; ‘who did that to you?’, ‘where did those come from?’ and whatnot were shot at you from different directions. He could see you slowly being overwhelmed by everything. His heart dropped as he made eye contact with you, your eyes tired and filled with tears. 

“That’s ENOUGH!” Everyone froze and looked at Todoroki with wide eyes, his voice booming.

Sensing the tension starting to rise, Aizawa sighed. 

“Alright everyone settle down. Training is over, get back to class. (Y/n). A word.” 

Reluctantly, Todoroki followed the boys into the locker room and changed into his school uniform.  When everyone was out and he returned outside to the training grounds, you and Aizawa weren’t there so he had gone back to the locker rooms. He knocked and called out to you. 

“Can I come in?” He heard a meek ‘yeah.’ So he carefully made his way inside. 

There you were, dressed in your school uniform and sat on a bench with your face buried in your hands, shoulders shaking. 

“(Y/n)...” He gently placed a hand on your shoulder, he winced when you looked up at him. IIt ached him to see your beautiful eyes tainted by tears. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Sho…” Your bottom lip quivered. 

“Please, don’t apologize.” He opened his arms. You stood up and basically collapsed into them, clutching onto the back of his blazer. “Just always remember that I may understand more than anyone else will. I’ll never judge you, you know that right?” 

“I know…It’s just, ugh-” You pulled away and wiped the tears from your face. “I don’t want anyone to change how they look at me because of what my parents did to me and when everyone saw, and they were asking all of their questions, their eyes...they were just full of pity.” 

“Then look into mine.”

And when you did, you didn’t see pity. 

You saw admiration. You saw belonging. Love. Understanding. 

“Nothing will ever change with me, (Y/n).” He pressed his forehead against yours, “I will always be here for you.” 

[sunjaesol]

love, between the shadow and the soul

chenford | drabble | post-canon | title: sonnet xvii - pablo neruda

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Look, Tim Bradford did not get attracted to rookies, okay? In all the years he had been a TO, none had grabbed his attention. Not when he and Isabelle were dating, or married, or when she disappeared into the night with a trail of illicit affairs and a shot of heartache for him. Dozens of young women had sat in that car beside him and never ever had he let their femininity distract him. He served his country. He fought wars overseas. He looked Death right in the eye every single day and never blinked.

But then came officer Lucy Chen. He instantly knew the type of cop she’d be the second she turned in her seat, meeting his gaze for the first time, and nervously smiled at him. Nerves were normal, he was aware, but the doe-eyed look and the hopeful grin sold her out. No mystery. Just another young cop that would either slip through the cracks by the exam by tanking their grade due to stress, or she’d become a desk duty cop — one that stayed far from danger, that handled life with a perpetual softer touch ‘cause of her shrink parents.

Nothing wrong with that, Bishop would chastise him. Every cop had its use, she’d add. Sure, that might be true, but Tim didn’t want to babysit an armed toddler waiting for it to cry and call for mom. With just a couple well-placed Tim-tests, she’d be out of his hair in no time and then he could cross his fingers for a better recruit in the following weeks.

Life had the ability to change in a snap though — their funny, yet stern reminder that the universe called the shots, not the gun in his holster, or the rulebook. He got shot. Officer Chen backed him up. Her stubborn, yet brazen, yet honest attitude reeled him in just enough to ignore her little quirks she always joyfully displayed in the shop. Whenever he didn’t nip her ramblings in the bud fast enough, she babbled on and on about her personal life, her personal issues and relationships, like they were best friends (They weren’t! Boots and him never befriended!), like their relationship was anything more than a transactional training period. They got each other’s six. That was it.

But fuck, man. She got under his skin, too.

Lucy wore this… really nice perfume. A lot of female officers had make-up and perfume on, allowed a small sliver of self-expression, and he and Lopez had spend countless hours in a shop together. He was used to it. But somehow, Lucy’s stuck in his nose and didn’t leave. He felt like a creep, thinking about the blend of cardamom and oranges and cherry blossoms mixing with her warm skin, uncontrollable while also wanted. He wanted to fantasise about that fucking perfume of hers, a realisation that took a long time to come to terms with.

That didn’t mean he liked her though — he quickly corrected himself the first time he caught the pattern of behaviour — all it meant was that Lucy had good taste in perfume. Case closed.

So why did he linger whenever her shimmery eyes flicked up at him, why did his breath catch in his throat when her voice dropped to that infuriating sincerity as she uttered words of appraisal? Why his heart go haywire when she recorded all those audio books for him; an out of line gesture and overzealous task for a boot, which would normally result in him laughing their face.

Tim never thought he’d get over Isabelle, nor did he ever believe he’d have his happily ever after with Rachel, but with Lucy he foolishly hoped for more. A more that came from such a stupid and deluded place, probably fostered through months of loneliness and the Pavlovian response to her perfume, but one he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop it. The man was always in control about everything, ran his own tests and went over every possible outcome every day, every hour — and yet he didn’t see her coming. Lucy Chen had been right under his nose and he hadn’t been prepared for the ground to disappear beneath his feet; something that should honestly get him fired. The callousness of his emotions while entertaining the idea of a relationship with his own boot sentenced him straight to P2 or desk duty, or whatever.

Lucy deserved someone better, anyway.

Someone that understood her love for sage and cleansing homes. Someone that liked veggie burgers, chai lattes, karaoke nights and social media lurking. Someone that wouldn’t hesitate for one second to open her door for a teenage girl in need of safety and a little bit of that Chen-love. Someone that wasn’t any of those firemen assholes, but wasn’t Tim either.

He never let his insecurities get the best of him, but after seeing her thrive as a P2 without him, handling undercover stints like a pro, conquering her trauma of being buried alive, it only showcased that she had more bravery in her index finger than some army members had in their entire body, all while staying innately kind. Of course Tim lost his mind over her. Of course he tried shaping officer Barnes to be more like Lucy — more sun and bite and charisma, less army BS. Of course, of course, of course. Even Rosalind, the person he hated most besides Caleb, had him figured out in seconds. He was obvious as hell.

Which was why he had to move stations. Away from the Mid-Wilshire Division and to another. He couldn’t be around her anymore and risk compromising missions or attacks. He didn’t tell Angela the details, though her knowing look said enough, and simply replied that she’d miss him and that she was sure the chief would happily reinstate him any time.

He should’ve known that information leaked through like a wildfire.

The morning of his resignment, uniform neatly folded in his locker, Lucy stopped him in the hallway with the most befuddled expression he’d ever seen.

“What?” he said.

“What the hell,” she exclaimed. “You’re leaving and I have to hear it from Angela? Why’re you…? You love this division. Is everything okay?”

Shouldering past her, he drawled over his shoulder: “Everything’s fine, officer Chen. I’d advise you to put on your uniform and get to roll call.”

“Don’t pull this crap with me,” she bit back, latching onto his arm before he was out of reach. His feet reflexively stopped in place, stupidly waiting on her to finish her train of thought. “Tim, you can tell me if something’s wrong. We’ve been through… way too much for you to act this cold with me.”

He scoffed, feigning mockery, and put his hands on his hips. “We? Chen, I was your TO. That’s it. Get it out of your head it was more.”

Lucy blinked, once, twice, a hurt expression crossing her features, followed by disbelief and a quiet contempt he had become awfully familiar with. Swallowing back the regret, he watched as she pursed her lips and took a step back. “Wow. Okay.”

“Don’t take it personally.”

“Hard not to, officer Bradford,” she muttered. Turning to the locker rooms, she added, “Talk to me when you’re ready to not be an asshole.”

That should’ve been his cue to let her go and resume his trek to sergeant Grey, but a whiff of her fragrance wafted in his face from her dancing curls and any sensical thought was knocked out his head. He wanted to embrace her and burrow his face in her hair, he wanted to hold her with intent, he wanted to kiss the scent off her skin. His feet followed her instead, both fully aware and totally impulsive at once. He chose the excuse of loving a good argument with her to then utter: “I’m not an asshole, Chen. I’m honest.”

“If you’re honest, you’d admit that we’ve been very close friends these past months,” she exhaled, refusing to look him in the eye. He supposed he deserved that. Stopping in front of her locker, she continued with, “Distorting your own reality to fit your macho narrative isn’t healthy. Also, this is the women’s locker room. Out. Now.”

Tim sputtered out a laugh and crossed his arms. “Macho narrative? Please.”

Lucy’s eyes narrowed, all air sucked out the room at the intensity of her stare, and Tim felt himself flailing, suddenly wondering why the hell he wanted to turn in his badge when the only place he could have moments with lucy was, well, here. Why was he giving up on this, how silly it might be?

With a resolute voice, she said, “Tim, why are you resigning?”

Nothing in his entire career prepared him for this. Tim Bradford had survived Iraq and Afghanistan, twelve years of the LAPD and counting, a deadly virus, hundreds of bullets taken by the vest and felt the power of death on the blue lips of Lucy in the quiet countryside. Fear got pushed aside. Pride pulled him forward, onwards. But right now, he had to take a leap of faith — the sole thing he never relied on, but Lucy did — and trust she’d be there after the fall.

(He wanted to be that amazing someone for her.)

“Because of you,” he whispered. His fight or flight told him to run for the first time in forever, but he kept his feet glued to the floor.

Her jaw fell slack in shock. “E-excuse me? Me?! I’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Exactly,” he spit. “You… you’re…” Tim sighed. “You’re the best, Lucy.”

Faltering, her brows furrowed in utter confusion, a grain of her fury replaced with compassion. He wasn’t sure if that was warranted. All he was trying to do was get it off his chest, confess, before it escalated to insurmountable heights. “I don’t think I understand.”

“Uh…”

“You’re resigning, because I’m the best?” she tried to deduce. “No offense, any other day I’d be dancing right now, but this is just…” She gestured at him. “So weird.”

Tim let out a miserable sigh and ripped the band-aid off. Fuck it. “I’m trying to be honest about my feelings, Lucy.”

She froze. “What?”

“I like you. A lot.” Her wonderstruck expression didn’t make him feel better, so he quickly added: “Which is why I gotta decrease the risk of this exploding in our faces and go.”

“Whoa!” Lucy’s hand wrapped around his, eyes wide and searching, like any empirical data would be found within his green irises, otherwise known as fondness and unresolved tension with every quiet moment they had. “Is this… another test? Are you getting back at me for pranking you?”

He quirked a brow. “You’re a P2 now. Tests are over.”

“Right,” she quipped, catching herself. She let go of him and nervously tucked a lock behind her ear. “Yeah. Okay. And you’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. O-kay. Let me, uh…” the locker swung open “… wrap my head around this.”

“It’s a pretty easy thing to—”

“Tim.”

“Yeah, okay.” He backed off, hating how the control was out of his hands now, how he practically shoved his heart in her grip and her pretty fingers could crush it to dust if she wanted to. “I’ll let you do that.”

Walking out the locker room, he took a deep breath and straightened up his face. Alright. He royally screwed that over. If his army buddies knew, they’d all laugh in his face and tease him for the rest of his life. But at least he told her and got his answer, that a relationship was off the table but that they could save their friendship once he switched divisions and some distance mended his twisted, inside-out heart. Lucy had rocked his world and all she had to do was exist.

“Tim!”

“Wha— wow!”

Her body crashed into him the second he turned around to her beautiful voice, Lucy’s arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him down to her level ‘til all he experienced were her sweet eyes and breathless smile and a kiss. Lucy kissing him, slow and tentative, but it lit his heart aflame and urged him to hold onto her. Her perfume was all-encompassing, nose full of the fragrance and the soft slope of her neck and long, brown hair and fuck, he was kissing Lucy Chen. Except he didn’t care if the entire precinct idly watched by, or if she yanked him out the building on impulse, or anything — ‘cause he was kissing her and it was perfect. Her plump lips were better than he ever imagined.

Her hands slid from his hair to his shoulders, arms and then his hands, squeezing. His forehead pressed against hers, embarrassingly weak in the knees from that incredible kiss that he didn’t dare to stand up straight. Two silly grins broke loose on their faces. He had no clue what to do now, or not do, but he did know he wanted her. He wanted everything.

Lucy decided for him.

“Don’t go,” she whispered.

Tim smiled. “Okay.”

[voltrinityub]

Kel has Anxiety & Trust Issues (HC)

So, I had originally posted this headcanon on my twitter a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it since. It’s a HC where I basically see Kel as having serious trust and anxiety issues during and after the event of the game. I’ll elaborate more below.

🛑 Slight Omori Spoilers ahead!

Kel would have anxiety & trust issues after the events of Mari’s death.

Since each of the main 5 coped differently and changed as a result of Mari’s death, this left Kel alone and at the discretion of others (and himself.)

In addition to being bullied by Aubrey’s gang and being the less favored brother in his family (since it’s evident and pointed out in the game that Kel’s family cares more about Hero than they do him), this left him in a lonely state.

We know from the game that he tries to stay active and positive with others, taking the form of helping them and be there for them despite not being able to read the room at times. Kel also tried his best to encourage his friends and be a positive influence for them.

Additionally, Kel also is friendly and likes to talk to people. He can easily make friends or start a conversation if needed but it is never more than casual conversation; nothing deeper.

This is likely just a façade on his part; a front he puts up for others (and himself).

After Mari’s death and drifting apart from the others, Kel didn’t really have anyone to rely on or anyone he could probably trust. (Granted, he was a kid and still wanted to help his friends but didn’t know how to. So he decided to stay positive and do what he can)

His parents weren’t reliable. Hero was close to him but became more closed-off. Aubrey found other friends and push everyone away. Basil started to act “weird” and avoided them. And sunny shut himself inside… Kel had no one to turn to.

So Kel took it upon himself to keep stay entertained and as happy as he can be, likely pushing down his true feelings and silently learning to be surface-leveled with everyone or else “what if they leave me and I get hurt?”

As a result of these forms of neglect and trauma, Kel moved on by keeping himself happy and active with playing sports and whatever else teenagers do. But despite all of this, deep down Kel still wanted to rekindle those connections he once had.

This went on for about 4 years during the game. Kel obviously matured and his insecurities and anxieties likely became more apparent to him, now being unable to trust or get close to anyone because “what if they hate me?” Or “what if they leave me again?”

This would also make Kel act more dismissive with people, not trying to get too deep or personal with them as a defense mechanism.

When he finally saw Sunny again after all those years, he was excited and happy about it. But the idea of likely rekindling those bonds again would be a scary thought for him, especially with Sunny moving away and even more so after they learn about The Truth. (This HC would extend past the events of the game but I’m only keeping it within the timeline for this post)

Due to everything Kel has experienced and learned, I like to HC that he has anxiety and trust issues with people since everyone left one another and coped their own ways after Mari’s death. He would have an irrational fear of getting close to people and then possibly leaving or hurting him again.

The poor kid really wants to be close to people and make friends and have fun, but likely stops himself from doing so.

We can also interpret Kel interacting with strangers and not being too personal with them or others as a result of his trauma and defense mechanism.

TL;DR

As a result of Mari’s death and all of his friends moving on and coping in their own ways, and in addition to emotional neglect from his friends and family, Kel would become more surface-level with others and have anxiety and trust issue about getting close to people. He would have a fear of others possibly hating him or leaving him.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Please see my original twitter post because it’s shorter and simpler 😂

I kinda made this in the spur of the moment but I hope you understand what I’m saying! I love Omori, and Kel is my favorite character, but he usually gets put off from the rest of the main gang. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this HC and let me know what you think! 😊

[sunbeams-and-honey]

i lost my last ask, sorry. please help me understand two of my placements, saturn (11h, cancer) opposition chiron (5h, capricorn) and uranus (7h, pisces) sextile north node (9h, taurus.) they are my strongest aspects, thank you so much for your time :) 🕴

Hi darling! Thanks for the question. Looking at your placements is very weird for me because we have the exact same Chiron placement (mine's also in Capricorn and the 5th house). I also have Saturn in the 11th house and Pisces in Uranus! Very strange indeed.

So first I'm going to go through each placement and how they affect your personality, and then I'll go through the actual aspects.

Your Saturn is in Cancer, which means that you care deeply about the well-being of those closest to you. You put a high value on the personal relationships in your life and you want to develop them as much as you possibly can. When you were younger, you may have had problems to do with the people in your life not caring that much about you, and you suffered a lot because of it. Now, you may be trying to overcompensate for what happened in your youth. This strongly affected you, and whether you're aware of it or not, you may be rather opposed to the idea of getting close to people again. You probably have a deep sense of unease and uncertainty about you.

Your Saturn is in the 11th house, making you a friend who can be depended upon and who will listen to your thoughts and feelings. You don't like having to deal with anyone who you consider to be boring or superficial. You may have many acquaintances but not many close friends, again emphasising the idea that you're wary of getting too close to people. You need to remember that not everyone is out to get you, and it's healthy to be vulnerable sometimes. Any childhood relationships that you still have are likely to be very strong and will stand the test of time if you let them. You may find yourself being drawn to those who know what they want from life and know how to get it. You're very responsible, and you may feel like you have a duty to any groups you are involved in. You're very hard-working, and even though you go to great lengths to make things right, your efforts often go unnoticed. If you want to achieve your goals, then keep working hard and just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Your Chiron is in Capricorn, meaning you often suffer for not achieving the success you think you deserve. You probably think rather highly of yourself and of the things you can do, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to get the recognition or rewards. This placement is another indicator that you are hard-working, especially in work-related areas and in any social groups you may be in. You may find yourself sacrificing a lot to get to where you want, only to find that you don't ever get there. It may seem easy to just stop your efforts due to you thinking they're not enough, but I'm asking you to not do this. Have patience. You're also very ambitious when it comes to your career.

Having your Chiron in the 5th house means that you may have issues related to your self-expression. You may have been held back from simply enjoying yourself and from doing the things you want to do. You need to accept that it's okay and actually healthy to do things just because they make you happy. Self-care and self-love is not being selfish. You can afford to take some time to truly appreciate your surroundings. Just enjoying the simple things in life will help you to heal any past trauma. You don't have to be so serious! You may have suffered blows to your self-esteem as a child, perhaps from a parent or a bully. You may feel useless and/or unlovable, but I promise you that this is not true. It's not a crime to put value on yourself because you deserve it. You can use your experiences to support any young people who might be going through a similar thing.

Having your Saturn opposite to your Chiron means that you often felt solely responsible for healing the trauma of your whole family. You may have often taking the brunt of family issues and traumas. You feel like you have a duty to always be the one to help your family, but the whole point of family is that everyone does their bit. It's not your job and your job alone to deal with these things. You may unconsciously feel like you should prioritise and achieve the dreams of your ancestors, rather than your own dreams and goals. You might think that this is what they want for you, but I promise they don't. They want you to enjoy and live your own life. That's the way to make them proud. You might find it difficult to associate family with ideas of love and acceptance, and that's valid. You don't owe your family anything, especially if they haven't helped you in the way you've helped them. You need to remember that allowing yourself to experience and cherish joy is a crucial part of your healing process. You might be feeling as though you have to sacrifice literally everything in order to get work done, when this is not the case at all. Self-respect is a huge issue for you and is something you need to learn in order to truly live your life.

Moving on, we have your Uranus in Pisces. You have an amazing capacity to imagine and to think of ways to achieve your wildest dreams. You are somewhat of a visionary, a master dreamer if you will. You can work with whatever spiritual force you like in order to achieve your goals. You are incredibly intuitive and efficient, and have a great balance of being sensitive and also sensible. You are quite sensitive to getting hurt or being disappointed. This vulnerability doesn't have to be a weakness when you use it to your advantage.

Your Uranus is in the 7th house, which means you can have a somewhat irritating and difficult exterior, even though you're actually very sweet. It just takes you a while to let your guard down and show kindness. This is probably a defence mechanism you developed due to any past issues and/or traumas. You're not a huge fan on things staying the complete same for lengthy periods of time, constantly needing change and variety, especially in relationships. You may also tend to attract eccentric individuals into your life, and you may like to form rather unusual connections with them. You're not a typically traditional person so you may like to experiment with different types of relationships. You don't really like to commit and settle down, so your ideal person(s) would be someone who offers you space and lets you have your freedom for as long as you want it.

Your North Node is in Taurus, meaning you can easily put spirituality into pretty much everything. You need to find a balance between the physical and spiritual realms, as you often go from one extreme to another. You are very powerful and sensual but you have a hard time incorporating the two into the same areas of your life. You may be feeling like you can only be one thing or the other with no compromise or inbetween.

Having your North Node in the 9th house means you are destined for great fortunes. There are unlimited possibilities as to what you can achieve with your life, especially in the areas of travel and politics. You may find yourself often having a bad reputation through no fault of your own. You might not have had a great education but don't let that stop you, especially with all the potential you have. This is another indicator that you should trust in your intuition because it's almost always right. You are destined to achieve great wisdom and you should use this to help others once you get it.

When your Uranus sextiles your North Node, this means that you are, quite frankly, somewhat of a genius. You are a unique individual with a great sense of creativity. You are daring and innovative with a very progressive way of thinking. Your childhood might not have reflected this, but the universe wants you to embrace your individuality once you are free from their views and rules. Your family is likely to change their opinions throughout the course of your life, becoming more progressive like you. You might have a fear of change instilled in you but you need to overcome this, and you are very capable of doing so.

Words Of Advice:

Don't let your inhibitions control your life.

Don't worry too much about what others think about you.

Don't rely too much on appreciation from other people.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

You are allowed to pursue the things you want to go after.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

You need to put yourself first sometimes.

Be wary of the effect you have on others.

You don't need to hide from the ones you hold the closest.

Be generous.

I hope this helped darling and I hope you have a good day! Sending good vibes your way.

[secondpubertyscene]

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

[solastia]

Tuqburni | Finale - Healing

Pairing: Yoonmin x Reader

Word Count: 5,308

A/N: Here we go, the “Official” ending. I will still eventually put out “Finale: Heartbreak” as an alternate version for those that wanted her to move on, as well as a small epilogue later on (will be nice and smutty and set in the future). For now, though, this is the end. It has been a very long journey with this fic as life often got in the way, and I thank (most of you) for being patient with me. I hope you learned a few things along the way. Each and every one of you is important and precious, never let anyone make you feel like you are a second choice or inferior. All relationships are complicated and communication is key no matter your dynamic. But especially so in polyamorous relationships. If anyone ever makes you feel like “the other” or “the third,” talk to them. If they won’t listen, leave. Your worth is not based on other people. You are worthy all on your own. Also, the weekly plan that my character follows is a real system that works. It was given to me by my counselor who I thought was a nut herself at the time, but it worked so well. I’m still working through a lot of stuff myself, but this weekly routine saved my life. 

It had only been a few months so far, but it felt like a lifetime. 

Seokjin and Namjoon had tried to talk you into staying with them, but you’d decided it would make you feel too guilty to rely on them like that and invade their space. Instead, you were now renting your own apartment. It came furnished and the lease was month to month so you could leave at any time. It felt nice though, having your own space, even if it didn’t allow pets. Especially once you’d been able to reduce Jin’s visits to no more than three times a week. 

Taehyung and Jungkook, friends of all of yours and signed to the company you worked for as idols, finally came back into town a few weeks after “the incident” while you were still staying with Jin. You’d forgotten they were due back and only discovered they were here when Yoongi and Jimin both showed up with black eyes and bruised cheeks. You had assumed they came from Jungkook - who had always looked up to you like an older sister - but you were pleasantly surprised to learn they had been inflicted by his boyfriend Taehyung instead. He had proudly admitted it during lunch one day while demanding a turn at petting your hair, and you wondered if he too saw you as a sister or a pet. Either way, you were touched that he thought enough of you to try to “defend your honor.” 

Still, it wasn’t like you never saw Yoongi and Jimin. You still had to work with them, obviously. Jimin worked on the other side of the building, but he had taken to eating his lunch with you, and you were usually joined by Namjoon and Jin so you didn’t feel too pressured. There was still the looming cloud of ‘someday’ that scared you, but without being forced to pretend to be and feel a certain way every day you were able to look at him in a new light. 

The Jimin that you saw now was one that you had caught glimpses of before. He was sweet and kind, but quick-witted and prone to just enough wicked humor to make him interesting. Unfortunately for you, he seemed to also be a natural flirt and making you flustered was as easy as breathing for him. After a couple weeks, you finally started to flirt back and the results were incredible. He would blush and act so shy that he would practically duck under the table. Seemed he could dish it out but couldn’t take it. Honestly, you were beginning to really look forward to your time with him every day. 

With Yoongi, it was naturally a little harder. Your first day back to work had gone a long way towards smoothing things over a little. Yoongi had actually dropped to his knees and bowed along with his apology. He apologized for the way he’d spoken to you that day, as well as for dragging you down into the mess that your relationship had become. The two of you had cried together and hugged, and he promised to go to counseling as well when you mentioned you had signed up to see someone. Anything, he promised. 

“I’ve been horrible and selfish, but not once did I ever stop loving you. I think I’ll love you until the day I die. I’m going to work hard to deserve even the scrap of affection you might still have for me. If you decide that you want to move on, that’s fine. Whatever makes you happy. But know that I’ll always be here loving you and you can come to me for anything at all.” 

Those words felt like a tattoo on your heart. A promise of forever if you ever wanted to reach out and take it. 

But first, you needed to learn to love yourself before you could accept it. You needed to learn to be strong and figure out more about you as a person before becoming a part of something so complicated again. Maybe then you would believe that you were an important part of the relationship, rather than a side piece or someone that they settled for. 

The first step was signing up for a therapist. She was a little pricy, but out of the four other people that you’d talked to before settling, she’d been the only one that made you feel genuinely comfortable. You were pretty self-aware of your flaws and why you had them in the first place, so it wasn’t like you needed someone to hold your hand and drudge up every painful memory. You just needed help trying to get past it all and get to a place where you were comfortable with yourself. 

The therapist was chill enough that even you thought she might work for Jimin and Yoongi as well, and they quickly made appointments with her when you told them. You obviously weren’t able to know what they were talking about with her, but you’d noticed after a few weeks that both of them seemed a little lighter. Jimin practically sparkled whenever he joined you at lunch and Yoongi was quick to smile when he joined you in your combined studio, sometimes sneaking a coffee onto your desk that was just the way you liked it. He’d even started bringing your dog Holly to the office every day so that you could spend time with him. 

Jimin and Yoongi admitted that several of their sessions have been as a pair since they had the added trauma of Yoongi’s prior attempt on his life. They asked you to come to a couple yourself since you were part of it as well. You were the one to find him and help him through all of it, and they felt that it would help any lingering bitterness or fear from the incident would be helped that way. You agreed and started attending once a month as a group. 

She was wonderful for you, you thought. You never felt judged, not even when you brought up the relationship with Yoongi and Jimin and how it was handled. She simply let you talk and then asked you what you wanted. To close your eyes and envision what you hoped was waiting for you at the end of this journey. 

Yoongi’s face was the first thing you thought of and wasn’t surprising. That Jimin was right there next to him and holding out a hand towards you was. You wanted this to work. You wanted to be happy, and you wanted them to be happy. Without you, if that had to be it. With you would be even better. Somehow Jimin had slotted himself a place in your vision of the future.  

One of her biggest things that she preached was finding a routine that made you feel happy and safe while building your sense of self. She claimed it was an essential part of healing for many, especially those dealing with past trauma like you. That while many of the tasks she wanted you to do seemed silly or self-indulgent, that in the end you might discover more about yourself and develop healthy habits. So, she assigned you a weekly routine to follow. 

There was Me Monday, in which you spent the entire day “dating” yourself. It was a little difficult considering your work, but the day was essentially pampering yourself as much as possible. You eat what you want to eat, you watch what you want, when you get out of work you go do what you want. You use that day to get massages or pedicures. She said it was to teach you that it’s okay to be a little selfish from time to time. That taking care of yourself and putting yourself ahead of someone else on occasion wasn’t a crime. It was healthy because at the end of the day no one else can live your life but you. 

Try Something Tuesday was essentially what it sounded like. You take that day to try something new. You tried out new hobbies, new activities. Anything that you had once said no to because you were scared, this was the day to do them. So far you’d gone to dance classes and discovered you were actually pretty good, went to play laser tag with Jin and his friends, and started biking almost daily with Namjoon. Jungkook has been trying to talk you into going skydiving and the fact that it terrifies you tells you it’s probably going to happen eventually. 

Work through it Wednesday was the day you went to see your therapist. You’d work through the list you had to make throughout the week of things you wanted to cover. A lot of what you went over was stuff that you pretty much knew inside your head, but she would drag it out of you and once it was out there and being spoken about by another person, it helped to see it in a new light. She covered everything from your abandonment issues to the fact that you had never fully put your trust in Yoongi in the first place. That you had always expected him to drop you at any moment and when he brought Jimin in, for you it was simply confirming what you had been telling yourself all along. That you weren’t worthy of being loved and no one would want you. When that came out, she essentially told you to snap out of it. That you shouldn’t let your anxiety win. There was a lot more to it, but you were working on it. 

“Them” Thursdays were one of the more difficult days. Since she counseled all three of you and all of your ultimate goals were to someday find your way back to each other, she allotted you all one day to spend some time all together. Nothing romantic or sexual - simply re-learning each other and discovering how you work together. The first few Thursdays had been borderline painful. You’d all met in a cafe for coffee and awkwardly sat around the table. Jimin would try to talk about funny things he saw on the internet or some anime he was watching in an attempt to kill the silence, while Yoongi usually seemed content to listen while he stared at you like a lost puppy. When it was obvious that something needed changing, your therapist suggested other locales. Places that would give you all a shared experience and something to break the ice. 

The spot that finally worked its magic on all of you was the cat cafe. On your first visit, it was obvious as soon as you all walked in that Jimin was in heaven. He cooed at and cuddled every single one that would let him. You’d never thought of Yoongi as much of a cat person and figured he would just lay around and nap somewhere while you and Jimin played. He did lay out eventually, but was soon joined by at least six cats that all decided he made a perfect bed. 

“Look, they recognize one of their own,” Jimin had giggled to you. 

It soon became a place of comfort for the three of you. Somewhere that seemed to make you all happy and comfortable enough to talk. You were all very careful not to make promises, as that’s not what these visits were about. They were about healing. About getting to know each other on a new deeper level without the pressure of romantic entanglements.

It wasn’t like you all weren’t still attracted to each other, obviously. There were still moments where you would be laughing and glance over at Yoongi only to find him piercing you with hooded eyes, biting his lip in the way that you knew from experience meant he was holding himself back from kissing you. Even Jimin would sometimes flip a switch and go from a giggling dork to running his hands through his hair and looking like sex personified as he stared you down.

Of course, it probably also didn’t help that - unless they were lying - neither of them had even touched each other like that in months. They claimed they were staying in separate bedrooms and didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize everyone’s healing. You mostly believed them because Jimin was always free of hickeys or other marks. Yoongi always left a mark. This made you feel both relieved and guilty. Relieved because that would mean if you decided to start over with each other, it would be from the beginning for everyone. You wouldn’t feel left behind. But you also felt guilty because it seemed like such a selfish thing to expect from them. To expect them to not fuck around when you weren’t even promising getting back together seemed messed up as hell. However, it was Jimin’s idea in the first place and Yoongi had completely agreed with it, so you supposed it was up to them if they wanted to continue that or not. It’s not like you’d know if they did do something since you didn’t live there anymore. 

After “Them” Thursdays was Friend Fridays. Once you began to talk to your therapist more, you realized that your life had pretty much revolved around Yoongi to the point where you hadn’t even maintained or started any friendships outside of the ones you met through him or work. Which wasn’t too bad in your mind, since that meant you had Jin and Namjoon as well as Jungkook and Taehyung, and they were the best friends anyone could ever ask for. However, your therapist recommended seeking out friends of your own that wouldn’t be thrown into the middle of a war should your relationship ever go south again. Friends that were just yours that would have things in common with you and that you could count on to be there for you. This was all easier said than done, as it was hard for adults to make friends outside of work. But you did your best, chatting up other people that you met through your dance classes or other activities. You had a tentative meetup on your next Friday with some girls you’d met at the park. Yoongi was going to leave Holly with you after work and you were going to meet them there and have a meetup with all of your dogs. It wasn’t bad for a first step, you thought. 

Sensual Saturdays was...well, pretty much how it sounded as well. It was your day to convince yourself that you were attractive and desirable. During your sessions, you’d apparently compared yourself to Jimin far too often. You often mentioned how much more beautiful you thought he was than yourself, how you wouldn’t be surprised for anyone to pick him over you. How compatible Yoongi and Jimin were in bed. So, in order to help you cease - or at least lessen - how often you talked down yourself and get you to view yourself in a new light, a day was set aside for you to work on precisely that. You would buy yourself lingerie and walk around in it at home until you were comfortable enough to actually begin to admire yourself in it. You bought a huge mirror for the back of your bedroom door and played with yourself in front of it, curiously watching your expressions as you imagined it was Yoongi’s fingers instead. It was definitely a work in progress and you weren’t sure you’d ever be considered on Jimin’s level realistically, but you were beginning to at least find it more believable when someone complimented you on your appearance. 

Silent Sundays was a day you took to recharge. You left your phone on silent, you kept the TV off, and you ignored everyone. You spent the day writing in the journal you had to keep for therapy, going over everything that happened that week and how you felt you had changed versus what you felt you still needed to work on. You’d also read or draw, sometimes write lyrics, maybe do some baking. It was usually on Sundays that you missed your little house the most, as you pictured a Silent Sunday spent there instead. You’d probably spend it outside working on the garden in the backyard. Holly would walk back and forth between you in the garden and Yoongi muttering curses as he built something on the patio. Jimin would probably come outside to bring you both drinks and peck you on the cheek before he rushed back inside to watch his show, not wanting to stay out in the sun too long. It was such a believable scenario and you could see it so clearly that your chest ached with longing. 

The fact that Jimin was always right there whenever you pictured going home wasn’t lost on you, either. You were beginning to accept fully that somewhere along the line you had dropped your wall of bitterness long enough for him to charm his way through and you were as whipped for him as everyone else was. For every thought you had of Yoongi, one of Jimin followed soon after. You’d imagine Yoongi’s sexy smirk and intense eyes, then Jimin’s lips and strong muscles. You’d think of Yoongi’s quiet thoughtfulness and warm heart, then Jimin’s kindness and cheerful energy.

Whenever you thought of home, you thought of them.

A decision would have to be made soon, but you were pretty sure it was already made in your heart. However, in fairness to yourself, you were going to do one last thing. Try to move on

* 

Jung Hoseok was an absolutely gorgeous man. He was tall and lanky, but with the toned muscles you were used to seeing on dancers. And his smile was dangerous - one moment it was brighter than the sun with adorable dimples, the next it was a smirk lethal enough to melt anyone.  

You had noticed him around the company before, but you’d never really talked to him. He was good friends with Taehyung and Jungkook, and Jin always spoke fondly of him, but back then you were just so wrapped up in Yoongi that only him and those immediately close to him gained your interest. You were a little disappointed you’d never talked to him sooner. 

He was bright and loud and quite possibly the most fun you’d ever had on a date. He was proud and passionate about his work, loved his family and friends, and was absolutely perfect. And yet everything he did, you compared to ‘them.’ Or wondered what they would think. Things like, “Jimin must love this guy.” or “Yoongi would be wishing he would choke on a bread roll just for a moment of quiet.” 

All throughout dinner you couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t where you belonged and that he would never be the one. But he was so nice and kept you laughing with his hilariously animated stories that you couldn’t just bail. Instead, you stayed and ordered another glass of wine and giggled as he continued entertaining you. 

An hour later you’re both standing outside of the restaurant making your goodbyes in front of your taxi when his gaze suddenly changes from friendly to smoldering. His eyes rake you from top to bottom and you remember that today was Sensual Saturday. You’d certainly dressed the part. He couldn’t see all the black lace lingerie you had on underneath your red sheath dress, but you’d unquestionably left little to the imagination.  

“So, uh, it’s really unusual for me to ask on a first date, but...maybe we could take this to my place? If you want? It’s just...you are so fucking beautiful and sweet and totally too good to be true. I’ll even throw in breakfast, although I’m a shitty cook. But I’d make it up to you for dinner.” 

“Wow. You have all day tomorrow planned too, huh?” You joke nervously. The two and a half cups of wine you’d had with dinner were settled comfortably in your tummy, warming you in places that made you think that just maybe you could go through with this. You weren’t blind - he was fucking hot as hell - but the thought of being with anyone other than Yoongi, or even Jimin, was terrifying. But your new motto of trying to do things that scare you, along with this being ‘Sensual Saturday’, led you to believe that you really needed to do this. 

“Yeah, kinda pictured a day spent in bed, watching some movies, ordering Chinese...you can tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to or you want to wait. I won’t be offended,” he shrugs, his little grin deepening a dimple. 

You sigh and grab his hand, leading him towards the taxi. “Tell him your address.” 

His eyes widen like he can’t believe his luck and he stutters out his address to the driver. He leans back and buckles in before tentatively reaching over to grab your hand. It’s nice and warm, with pretty fingers. But even then you’re comparing his hands with Yoongi’s beautifully vein-laced ones. 

The building you’re led to is a nice apartment complex - quite a bit nicer than the month-to-month one you’re renting but not fancy enough to make you feel out of place. As he excitedly pulls you into the elevator and onto his floor, you realize the light buzz of alcohol that was clouding your thoughts was slowly easing away, leaving the light thrum of anxiety and discomfort room to grow. 

It definitely wasn’t him. He was sweet and funny and super, super hot - did you mention he was hot? He just wasn’t ‘them.’ 

You steeled yourself, however, because you owed yourself this. You owed yourself a chance to move on, to experience someone else. Surely this feeling would dissipate once you, you know, got going. People did this stuff all the time, why couldn’t you? 

His apartment was nicer than you expected. Clean and bright, with cute little accents here and there that spoke of his colorful personality. It even smelled amazing, which seemed odd for a bachelor pad. Like citrus and vanilla. 

Hoseok knelt down and helped you out of your heels before standing up to take off his blazer. 

“You need a drink or anything?” 

You shake your head, wanting to get started before you can talk yourself out of it. He smirks, obviously thinking you’re just nervously eager for him. 

He walks up and cups your jaw, tilting your face up. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes,” you whisper, closing your eyes as he moves closer. 

It’s a nice kiss. Slow and sensual, barely any tongue, and he strokes his thumb across your cheek the whole time. Any other person would feel excited and be touched with how sweet it was. It was like he was silently promising this wasn’t just sex for him. It only served to make you feel guiltier that you weren’t being totally honest with him. 

When he pulls away, his eyes seem a little dazed as he escorts you to his room. Again, nothing to complain about there. The room is nice and clean, smells good, has a few cute Snoopy stuff animals laying around. He’s gentle leading you in and maneuvering you to sit on the bed.  

His breath is shuddering as he slowly leans in to kiss your jaw and work his way down. You can feel a slight twinge of interest since your neck is one of your weak spots, but it dies down again once the expect bite never came. Yoongi was a biter and always left marks that you proudly wore, no matter how many people told you it was tacky. Your neck and chest were his favorite places to do it, so when Hoseok simply traveled around leaving light kisses and maybe a lick or two, you were nearly disappointed. Also slightly relieved because what if the boys saw a mark on you? You could nearly see Jimin’s eyes tearing up now. 

Hoseok inhales and moans, making you jump a little because you’d nearly forgotten about him you’d been so stuck in your own mind. His hand slowly slides down and up, reaching under your dress. His hands are nice enough, but they don’t have the expert feel of Yoongi’s fingers knowing your body like the back of his hand. Or even Jimin’s - thicker and earnest to learn and please. 

You cringe when he slips into your panties because you know he’s going to feel you’re as dry as a desert down there. 

Sure enough, he pauses and his shoulders slump. He slides his hand out and peeks up at you. You can tell he’s forcing himself to smile, but his eyes are soft with understanding. 

“I’m not doing it for you, am I?” 

You rush to explain. “Oh, God...it’s not you. It’s so not you. You are unbelievably hot and funny, just so sexy and I really wish I could get out of my head, but...”

“Yoongi and Jimin, right?” You nod and he sighs, sitting up on the bed next to you. “Jin hyung told me not to get my hopes up, but you are so pretty and sweet that I think I lost my head there a little bit.” 

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, turning to look down at the floor. 

“Nah, I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t make you feel pressured or like you had to come here with me.” 

“No, of course not. I thought if I just tried I could...with you. You are amazing.” 

Hoseok sighs and smiles sadly, twisting your heart. If you were another you, not so stuck on ‘them’, you’d grab this man up in a heartbeat. 

He chuckles and helps you up. “Fine, but let them know if they fuck up again I’m coming for you.”

You blush and let him lead you out of the room. “Thank you, Hoseok. If it’s not too awkward, I’d like to be friends. Not like the bullshit line people say when they really don’t mean it, but really friends. You can hang out with us in the cafeteria at work on Monday if you want.” 

He looks surprised for a split second before the tension in his face melts and he smiles genuinely at you. 

“You know what? I might just take you up on that.” 

“Okay. Thanks, Hoseok. And I’m sorry, again.” 

“It’s all good. You can still stay the night if you want? I have an extra room and I promise no funny business unless you ask for it.” 

You giggle and slide into your heels. 

“No, thanks though. I’m gonna...” 

“Yeah,” he nods in understanding. “Be careful.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you.” 

You escape to the elevator quickly, ordering a cab on your phone. When you’re done, you lean your head against the wall and sigh. Honestly, you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing. Hoseok was incredible and had so much potential, but you’re you and you have to do what’s right for yourself. And given how much you can’t stop thinking of two certain people, your path is clear. 

*

The taxi pulls up to the familiar little house and you quickly slide out after paying and just stand there, looking at it. 

Home. 

It still looks the same. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it still looked like home. Yoongi still kept up the yard, though your flowers looked like they might be struggling a little bit. He’d forgotten to put his basketball away again since it was just sitting there in the driveway waiting to get run over. Jimin must have been sitting on the porch reading earlier because one of his mangas was on the wicker table. 

You take a few steps closer, amazed at how your chest felt lighter with each one. As soon as you walk up one of the stairs you can hear Holly at the door, scratching a little and whining. 

“Yah, you mongrel. What’s your problem? You too good for the doggy door in the back now?” 

You grin shakily as Yoongi’s complaining filters through the door. Once you’re close enough to hover your hand over the door you can hear Yoongi shuffling closer to the door. Your heart is pounding and you can feel your eyes filling up and you fight to contain yourself. You knock twice. 

Yoongi cracks open the door, his confused expression morphing into disbelief once he sees you. 

“Hi,” you say breathily. 

He gulps and quietly responds, “Hey.” Holly happily hops all over the place and does circles to try and get your attention. You smile at him then turn back to Yoongi. 

You both are quiet for a moment, looking each other over. His eyes roam over your outfit is wide-eyed wonder. 

Jimin wanders in fresh from the shower, running a towel over his head still. 

“Who is coming by this late?” 

You poke your head to the side and wave a little. 

“Hey, Jimin.” 

“Noona?” He smiles happily, rushing over to join Yoongi at the door. “You look incredible. What’s going on?” 

Yoongi already knows. You can see it in the way his shoulders have relaxed like someone just lifted the weight of the world off of them. A single tear travels down his cheek as he smiles softly at you. 

“We have to keep going to counseling. I’m not going to go back to the way things were. We are going to be better than that. We are going to communicate and talk everything through. If I’m the one not talking about something I should, call me out on it. This is going to be equal and no one is going to feel left out.” Yoongi nods enthusiastically and reaches out a hand that you eagerly grasp. 

Jimin gasps as he catches on. 

“Noona, you’re back?” 

“I’m all in. With both of you, if you still want me.” 

You hold your free hand out to him and his smile grows bright as he accepts it and tugs you inside the house before enveloping you in a hug. Yoongi shuts the door and takes Jimin’s place when the other pulls back. 

He cups your jaw and his face comes so close you can see his lip trembling with barely contained emotion. He sighs and lays his forehead against yours. 

“Welcome home, Princess.” 

Jimin wraps his arms around you both from the side, placing a quick peck on both of your cheeks. You blush and cuddle further into Yoongi’s hold, feeling right for the first time in a very long time. 

You know it’s not perfect yet and you all still have a lot to work on and figure out, but for now, this is perfect. 

Because home was ‘Them.’ 

[squidproquoclarice]

All the questions for the relationship meme :^)

All the questions for Sadithur (as discussed!), done.  This one’s going largely under a cut because it’s long!  Numerous other people requested a single answer, but since I got this one, please go ahead and refer to this for it.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

He came to rob her house for survival supplies, and instead ended up rescuing her from being held prisoner by the men who’d murdered her husband.  Not exactly a meet cute.

What was their first impression of each other?

Uhhhh, well.  Arthur’s first impression of Sadie was “poor shocked woman who’s had her house broken into, her husband murdered, and been attacked herself by O’Driscolls for the last three days”.  And Sadie’s first impression of Arthur is probably “large strange man who was in my house, shot the bastards who broke in, and is clearly a violent man himself, even if he saved me, and I’m not inclined to trust pretty much any man right now, let alone one with a gun.”  Not the most promising beginning.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Hosea definitely hoped for them to become a couple at some point if they survived what was to come, even though he knew at that time neither of them was in a good place for it.  Hosea’s very much the cheerleader for his kids being happy, to judge from his trying to get Abigail and John to reconcile, and given I’m sure he knows about Eliza and Isaac, he knows how lonely and traumatized Arthur is, and also sees the remarkable rapport and ease of manner he develops with Sadie.  I also think Abigail, who loves both Arthur and Sadie deeply, kind of hoped for it also.  She knows how lonely they both are, and sees how they are around each other, and we know she’s definitely a bit of a romantic and a believer in the power of love.  I suspect Tilly might have leaned in that direction too, because Tilly’s perceptive AF, and Arthur’s Big Bro. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Arthur.  Understandably so, as his grief for Isaac and Eliza is further in the past than Sadie’s for Jake.  It was still only a matter of a couple of months difference, though. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Not so much resisted as restrained.  They readily accepted they felt that way, and that the person they felt romantic feelings towards was more than worthy of it.  They were just questioning whether it was right and fair to put those feelings on the other person.  Both of them had concerns--Arthur felt like he had nothing to offer Sadie and had no right to impose on her like that with his feelings, and Sadie had concerns that Arthur would just be bulldozed into a relationship from just being happy to be wanted, and she was unwilling to hurt him like that.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? Almost immediately the two of them click in a profound way and they’re very close and comfortable with each other.  The trust and affection and deep friendship is already there, so I don’t think they’d be shocked to hear they’d be so important to each other.  But they would likely have both been very surprised at the idea of also being together romantically and sexually at some point.  Not as a reflection of the other person being unsuitable, but because after so much trauma and self-loathing and loss, neither of them could imagine having that in their lives.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Neither of them really made a move.  It just sorta happened as a slow change over a couple of years from friends to a cohabiting queerplatonic couple to spouses.  

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

In a sense, their first date was that shopping-and-gunfighting trip to Rhodes, which was pretty memorable, and shows off their immediate easy chemistry and battle couple potential.  But in terms of a genuine romantically intended “first date”, not really.  They were essentially a QPR by the time they admitted to now having romantic/sexual feelings as well, so things were intense and committed enough already that they didn’t need a date.  They just moved right towards getting married.

What was their first kiss like?

They both had resolved to admit their feelings to each other after the wedding of two of their friends.  Then they got a little tipsy at the wedding, ended up saying a bit too much, and Sadie took the initiative and kissed Arthur.  Given he kissed back very enthusiastically, she could be pretty sure he wasn’t just playing along with her.  But they realized they needed to talk, so they tabled it until the next day when they were sober again and could talk about it.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

For Sadie, no.  She’d been married very happily to Jake.  For Arthur, this was the first relationship with solid grounding and a solid future rather than youthful fantasy like Mary, and he’s surprised at how easy it is to be with Sadie, including being vulnerable, because of that trust.  It’s also the first time he’s had sex and actually really been comfortable and enjoyed it rather than just being left feeling awkward and even more alone, given he comes across very strongly as some type of asexual (I write him specifically as demisexual) and didn’t have opportunities for the emotional intimacy he needs to be interested in sex.  Both of them actually had their first kiss in a same-sex romance, though Sadie wasn’t able to acknowledge hers as romantic until much later.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Given Roger and Alex’s heights, and their corresponding relative heights in-game looking accurate to that height differential, I put Arthur at 6’ish and Sadie at 5’4”ish, so there’s an 8 inch height difference.  As for age, it’s canonical that Arthur was born in 1863.  I have him as a July birthdate, so he’s 35 for the early bits of the game, and 36 for most of it.  Sadie appears to be 30ish (she’s definitely no 24-year-old), and I write her as having been born in April of 1868.  So she’s 31 for all of RDR2.   That puts their age difference as a smidge under 5 years. 

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Both of them have lost their biological parents by 1899.  Arthur’s only bio sibling (David) died even before Arthur even knew him.  Sadie lost an older brother (Henry), and she’s become estranged from her younger sister Caroline, though they patch that up.  Arthur has yet to meet Caro, though, as she’s been living in Oregon.  So the only real family in question was the gang, and clearly Sadie was not only accepted by them, she actually stepped up and led them.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Sadie tends to, and Arthur readily relies upon and defers to her experience there.  He’ll be the first to admit his life didn’t exactly teach him the boundaries and everyday pleasantries of Victorian social order, and sometimes that’s to the good.  Sadie’s not exactly a paragon of it herself as a hardscrabble farm girl who doesn’t defer to misogyny, but she’s aware of some of those rules, boundaries, and undercurrents in a way Arthur isn’t.  So he’s not too proud to let her take the lead in a social situation, or to ask her advice in dealing with something without giving offense.

Who gets jealous easier?

Arthur would have, early on.  He was far more insecure in himself (and as Sadie admits, he’ll always be a little more fragile than her in that realm), but he was probably more likely to morosely turn doubts on himself as a perceived inadequacy and personal failure rather than to get jealous of Sadie.  Being romantically or sexually jealous really kind of requires insecurity and lack of trust, and they’ve moved far beyond that.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

I had to double check.  Arthur said it first when he proposed to her, but Sadie immediately followed it.

What are their primary love languages?

For both, I think Quality Time/Acts of Service.  Showing love for both of them is in spending time together doing things, doing little things for each other, and basking in that friendship that’s the solid foundation of everything between them.  There’s a bit of Physical Touch in there also due to both of them being somewhat touch-starved.  I do think Arthur has some Words of Affirmation in there as well, because sometimes he truly needs to hear praise and affection deliberately and unequivocally stated to be able to believe it’s real, and Sadie’s come to realize that and respond to it.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

They’re not really an overt PDA couple.  What they have they consider generally very intense but private.  They do like to cuddle in private, and small touches here and there are common enough. 

What are their favorite things to do together?

Just spend time together, to be honest.  It could be reading together (silently or one of them aloud), playing music together, doing chores, cooking, spending time with the kids, training horses, lying in bed talking, or anything.  They just genuinely enjoy each other’s company.  

Who’s better at comforting the other?

It’s a learned skill for both of them since neither was great at articulating feelings, but the months at Las Hermanas when they were both healing psychologically while Arthur was healing physically did a lot. They’re both fairly good at nonverbal comfort, and reaffirming each other. 

Who’s more protective?

Pick a day.  It can vary.  ;)  I think we see in-game they’re both fiercely protective of each other.  I do think Arthur has the knack of being protective of her in a non-patronizing, non-paternalistic way, which Sadie appreciates.  It’s still been hard for her to accept that needing and taking help isn’t admitting she’s weak.  Arthur kind of had to get over that notion during his TB convalescence because he constantly needed help for things.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

A mix of both.  Usually not big overt dramatic demonstrations, since that’s not their dynamic, but quick little affectionate touches (on the arm, the cheek, etc.), using fond nicknames and pet names, and things like that. 

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

I’ll keep working on this and probably post some of my Sadithur playlist at some point.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

“Art” and “Daisy” are their private affectionate nicknames, given Sadie jokingly calling him “artsy Art” as he’s an artist, and Arthur admitting he couldn’t come up with a fitting nickname from “Sadie” and just rearranging the sounds a bit.  After Sadie used it in-game, “honey” is probably the most common pet name they use.

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

Arthur did.  That’s not because Sadie is a traditionalist by any means.  But I do think there’s the part of her that likes to know she’s not steamrollering someone, and that they got to take their own initiative.  Then especially in Arthur’s case, I think he needed to ask.  She needed to be sure that Arthur wanted to be with her, rather than it being a case of her wanting him and him going along with it from being happy to be wanted by her.  I also think he needed it too to prove to himself he could be confident enough in what he had to offer Sadie to ask, and to stand equal to her. 

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

They had a very small wedding at their home in Chuparosa, for several reasons. One is because they’re just not the type for huge demonstrative parties for their own sake, even if they enjoy them when they’re celebrations for someone else.  Neither of them really likes being a massive center of attention.  Two, they were fairly alone.  They’d made some friends in Mexico, but aside from Charles (who they knew went to Canada), everyone else from the gang was a mystery to them.  Three, they kept it small and quiet also since they’d sorta accidentally ended up playing fake married since Arthur’s admission to Las Hermanas in order to stick together.  So everyone already assumed they were a married couple, and they didn’t want it to become a big obvious thing.  Sister Calderon was the officiant (since it was a secular wedding of two avowed non-Catholics), and their friends Pedro and Juanita Estevez from Las Hermanas were the witnesses.  Dr. Felipe Garcia, Arthur’s doctor who’d also become a friend, also attended, as did Albert Mason, who they’d found in Escalera a few weeks before on yet another wildlife photography expedition. 

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

Mild Sunrise spoiler ahoy, but as of 1908 they’ll have four: Beatrice (born 1902), Matthew (born 1903), Susanna (born 1905, adopted by them in 1907) and Andrew (born in 1908).  I also see them as likely taking in some older kids later once Susie and Andy are a bit older, because Arthur in particular would be passionate about the need to try to give a couple of orphaned and/or homeless teens and near-teens a home.  He knows the kind of people who take you in, or if it doesn’t happen at all, can make a huge difference.  As for personality, Bea’s very much a fierce no-nonsense sort but very protective of the younger kids, Mattie’s a sweet boy who’s going to become a gentle giant, and as for Susie and Andy, I’ll wait to see what they tell me.  Andy’s not born yet, and Susie’s both very young and dealing with the trauma of losing her family to Micah’s gang, so she’s understandably not showing much of her true personality just now. 

Do they have any pets?

Aside from a lot of horses?  They ended up with a black cat (Dido) at the very end of 1899, adopted during the first weeks of Arthur’s convalescence at Las Hermanas and helping keep him company during all that bed rest.  Then they picked up a stray dog (Dusty) in Armadillo in 1901 during fighting the cholera epidemic--this is the Armadillo “Mutt” in-game.  The most recent addition is a border collie puppy (Dorothy), who they’ve adopted from MacFarlane’s Ranch in 1907, given Charlie the border collie being there in RDR1.  

Who’s the stricter parent?

This ended up being something of a big fight, actually, and probably the first huge blow-out in their marriage.  Sadie felt like she was the only one providing discipline and accountability as Bea got old enough to start to need it.  Arthur understandably was feeling his way through parenting since mostly what he has is negative examples from Lyle (physical abuse) and Dutch (profound psychological abuse).  Even Hosea’s parenting was sort of indirect and elusive sometimes.  So he was being very hands-off on discipline out of a need to make certain the kids knew they were loved, and to not worry that he was hurting them.  But he couldn’t do that and leave Sadie all the heavy lifting while he gets to be identified as the “nice” parent and the joybringer, and the two of them came to realize that.  I’d say they’re about even now.   

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Both of them.  Neither is squeamish by any means.

How do they celebrate holidays?

Usually fairly quietly at home with family, but with remembrances of things dear to them.  Songs and music, decorations, favorite foods, little family rituals.  They like to keep that kind of thing alive where they can.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Sadie.  She knows how hard farming is, so she’s up and at it when there’s work to be done.  But she never had Arthur’s long years of anxious need to stay busy no matter what so he was proving his usefulness.

Who’s the better cook?

They’re both pretty decent at it.  Sadie actually likes cooking, but she doesn’t like being expected to do it just because she’s a woman, so she’s rather protective of that notion.  Arthur came to it late, as kitchen duty was one of the first light jobs a TB patient at Las Hermanas could have after being allowed off total bed rest.  Given how bored he was by then, cooking became something really exciting, and he found out he actually enjoyed it, both the kind of soothing ritual of all those steps, and then producing something tangible by it. 

[nightklok]

THOUGHTS ON... Post-Doomstar Relationships (your pick!) - can be a romantic one or a friendship!

Send “Thoughts on...”

OOH Man this was a tough one to pick!! But hey, I think it’d be good to use this to describe my intrepetations of Abigail’s relationship with the band post-doomstar!!!

Nathan: I think for the longest time, Nathan tried to avoid Abigail after he rescued her and made sure she was getting help. Did he want to talk to her, apologize, and such? Yes, quite a ton. There would be days where he would try and visit her room, stop, and then turn around. He feels so much guilt as he feels it’s his fault-maybe announcing to the world she was his ‘girlfriend’ caused the kidnapping and whatever tidbits he hears about her from nightmares to depression to the moments of relapsing into hysteria, it really hits him so hard.

He does eventually talk to her and she does eventually talk to him. It starts off really small though. I’m basically spoiling one of my future fics but since it’s planned to be small, here it is anyway; I headcanon that Abigail would need to sleep with gloves and a scarf on because she’d be subconsciously clawing her throat out due to the phantom feeling of chains on her neck. Nathan does want to help in that aspect but can’t talk, he knows it’s not his strongpoint and he’s afraid of hurting her, so he crochets her gloves and scarfs almost once a week! She thinks it’s store bought but with no tag, becomes easy to see it’s handmade. She finds out that it’s Nathan and though they both would like to talk about what happened, crocheting and crafting becomes the catalyst to them talking. It’s safe for the most part. Eventually, they’ll be able to move on to other topics and bring up what they’ve wanted to say. Romantic feelings aside, they just build up a new relationship and be able to develop more organically! (And i’d say this is why Nathan bottoms for her, because he doesn’t want to hurt her and trusts her with everything and she trusts him and sees it as a way that Nathan truly trusts her and she does trust him by knowing he won’t harm her as well!)

Pickles: PIckles would be just as devastated as Nathan, if not slightly more so. After all, maybe if he hadn’t threatened to quit things would’ve been more different. He wished she didn’t have to be hurt by something he had done and he feels like it’s his entire fault. Even seeing the scar on her chest is enough to make him pale and feel like wanting to vomit. Unlike the other people he hurt in the past, he didn’t really care about them. But Abigail is different. She did nothing to him and he takes the blame for himself secretly.

He is a little bit more faster in interacting with her however. After all, he’s the only band member that can bake without setting the stove on fire and she’s definitely tried what he’s made before!! Their conversation starters are baking but they do get past the stage of beating around the bush a bit quicker. They’re both traumatized in their own special ways and I feel like they’d get along in learning to cope through trauma. Maybe Abigail doesn’t have much of a family either and she feels alone in that aspect as none of them bothered to even try and contact her once she was rescued but Pickles is quick to scoop her up and treat her like a sister!! Sneaking her out to go to the park or movies, they become close friends-it does take PIckles a long time to forgive himself even though Abigail doesn’t see it as his fault whatsoever-I think he’s the one she can leave her defenses down and just be herself around and it just helps a lot in having someone to turn to!

Skwisgaar: I feel like he would be one of the first to talk to her and hang out with her! He just makes sure she’s okay before she sleeps nightly and if she’s not hanging out with others, he’ll play some songs for her on the guitar or he’ll teach her to play (even if he’s not the best instructor he tries haha-). He is the one that is a little bit more stern/giving vague advice but he means well with doing so as he just wants her to get better! He probably buys her a guitar too as a sign of friendship and having a way to distract herself when she needs it. He is a good listener as well and just provides the best hugs if she needs it!

Murderface: I really feel like pre-doomstar they actually hung out a few times! They both like horror films and while Murderface prefers the classics, abigail prefers the more modern/recent, they always like making a horror movie night with just the two of them. William is one of the first to still suggest it though he does suggest other genres or avoids movies with kidnapping,torture,etc because he doesn’t wanna trigger her. I feel like the virus/whatever he was injected with may encourage her to be angry at them but she doesn’t let it get to her. He does provide her a good way to take out her anger if she needs it and that’s just grabbing an axe and destroying some trees. Proves to be a great stress reliever!

Toki: I feel like their relationship would be a bit complicated post-doomstar. I think they would both cling onto each other initially but in a slightly unhealthy way. Not giving the other room to breath, not wanting to let the other go, refusing to leave the other alone for even a second. It did take a lot of time but they did learn to slowly give each other space and room. They definitely bonded a lot while they were kidnapped and I feel like they may have developed a crush on each other that only faded away once they were free so that kind of added onto their confusion/delirium once they were rescued and trying to adjust back to society. They definitely rely on each other the most though for their own reasons, probably did try and keep some distance to prevent from clinging onto each other as initially it does bring back bad memories of being kidnapped.

and for a bonus-Charles!: He was one of the first she trusted and relied completely since he was nothing but kind and professional towards her. The professionalism part gets thrown out the window though as he doesn’t have to be so cordial around her in a professional manner. Which means watching Disney movies with her and just talking about whatever the hell they want. He doesn’t spring up the prophecy, kidnapping, or anything like that. He’s a friend to her above all else and only talks to her about such things when she brings it up. He is the one who does help her in talking to Nathan and Pickles as they had to talk anyway and does gently guide her along to progress if she ends up relapsing just slightly but he’s been nothing but a good friend and listener!

[kakusu-shipping]

Ah yes, Danganronpa self-inserts with wildly elaborate stories I made specifically so I can date an average of two characters per game. Exactly what everyone wanted to see at 3:30 on a Tuesday morning.

I am Emile and I know the people. Here’s the stories I spent way too long a time on:

The Ultimate Collector V1

In Universe Name: Ryuji Nosuke

Game: DR Trigger Happy Havoc

Ships with Hifumi Yamada + Monokuma

Ryuji and his younger brother, Jiro, spent their lives collecting anything and everything they ever found interesting. All of their money went to their collection. When Hope’s Peak went scouting for The Ultimate Collector, a choice had to be made between the two boys.

The school ultimately went with the older, more out going of the twins, Ryuji.

Ryuji spent much of his time in school listening in on other’s conversations, collecting information and secrets. He only trusted this collection to a fellow collector, his classmate Hifumi Yamada. He and Hifumi got along great, they spent hours talking about only the things that interested them, mostly anime and collectable figures, and the importance of a clean display case.

During the killing game, Ryuji became enamored with the walking, talking teddy bear Monokuma, and as the ultimate collector does, made it his life mission to add the toy to his collection. He’d do anything Monokuma asked of him, even commit murder.

The Ultimate Collector V2

In Universe Name: Jiro Nosuke

Game: Super DR2 (Island Life only)

Ships with Teruteru Hanamura + The Ultimate Imposter

Jiro and his older brother, Ryuji, spent their lives collecting anything and everything they ever found interesting. All of their money went to their collection. When Hope’s Peak went scouting for The Ultimate Collector, a choice had to be made between the two boys.

The school ultimately went with the younger, more reserves of the twins, Jiro.

During Island Life, Jiro found it difficult to collect friendship fragments, or get close to anyone. He was always quiet, preferred objects over real people most the time. However, due to his picky eating habits, he was forced to speak to at least one person on the Island, Teruteru.

Jiro spent much of his free time in the kitchen of the restaurant. He’d sit curled in a corner, quietly waiting for a special meal made just for him. Teruteru would typically carry the conversations during these times together. Jiro enjoyed listening to the chef, especially when his real accent would slip out.

Eventually, Jiro was sent out on a scouting mission to find flowers deep in the island’s forest, alone. Questionable judgment on Hajime’s part, as Jiro tended to get lost when left on his own. Which is exactly what happened. Twogami, being the only one to so far explore the forest, went out on a rescue mission for Jiro, and eventually returned with the smaller boy in their arms.

This is where Jiro was hit with the big old emotions truck. Not really sure how to handle them, he told the only person he considered a friend, Teruteru, what was happening. Teru was, surprisingly, a little heart broken, as he’d come to form a real crush on his silent kitchen lurker.

Of course, being the real friend Teruteru was, he encouraged Jiro to go after his crush. And he did. Jiro began to spend free times out of the kitchen, and around Twogami, learning about them bit by bit until he eventually discovered who they really were.

The Ultimate Collector V3

In universe name: Jiro Nosuke

Game: Ultra Despair Girls (only if Ultimate collector V1 exists)

Ships with Toko Fukawa

Ryuji and his younger brother, Jiro, spent their lives collecting anything and everything they ever found interesting. All of their money went to their collection. When Hope’s Peak went scouting for The Ultimate Collector, a choice had to be made between the two boys.

The school ultimately went with the older, more out going of the twins, Ryuji.

Jiro wasn’t really sure how he came to live in an apartment by himself. Living in it wasn’t exactly the right wording, more like... cadged in it.

Not that it was all bad. Other than his older brother, Jiro didn’t have any real friends or connections outside of the house, so living bared in an apartment building where a mysterious person brings him top of the line meals daily wasn’t that big a deal.

The biggest deal was that he didn’t have any of his stuff.

(This is basically UDG only I, Jiro, take the place of Komaru. The only difference is none of the kids die because I, with Toko’s help, manage to save them from their execution and slowly gain their trust)

The Ultimate Softball Pro V1

In Universe Name: Hibiki Imai (Nicknamed Biki)

Game: DRv3 (In mention only)

Ships with Ryoma Hoshi

Biki didn’t really like Softball, he preferred Baseball. But not every school would be as Trans-inclusive as Hope’s Peak, so Hibiki played Softball. It really turned out to be a good thing, as Hope’s Peak already HAD an Ultimate Baseball Pro.

At Hope’s Peak, Biki kept mostly to himself, gently throwing a ball up and catching it during class. And despite his amazing arm, and typically solid catch, everyone slips up some times. Luckily, the ultimate tennis pro, Ryoma Hoshi, happened to sit next to Hibiki, and caught the ball just in time to keep Biki out of trouble with the teacher.

The two sports pros started hanging out, tossing a baseball back and forth as the wandered the school grounds. Neither of them had much to do, it’s not like they played on sports teams, despite their titles.

Eventually, Biki learned or Ryoma’s past, his trauma and the loss he suffered. In return, Ryoma learned of the struggled Biki faced, and the very similar trauma he went though involving his sport as well. The only difference was Biki didn’t serve time for his mistakes.

They bonded over this almost exact past, and built each other back up from their guilt and grief.

During the killing game, Ryoma is not only given his own Kubz pad, but one with the wrong recording on it. He is reminded of Hibiki though the Kubz Pad flashback light properties, and is filled of the will to live on to one day see Biki again.

The Ultimate Softball Pro V2

In universe name: Hibiki Imai (Nicknamed Biki)

Game: DRv3

Ships with Gonta Gokuhara

In an alternate universe where Biki did end up in the killing game, he is completely unaware of his relationship with Ryoma until he receives his Kubz pad. And while Ryoma got his own motive as well, he was not given the recording with Hibiki in it, and is instead told he has no one.

Biki kept the relationship with Ryoma to himself, figuring Ryoma may not know and wanting to talk about it when they had a moment to themselves. You can imagine his despair when Ryoma was dropped into the piranha tank.

Gonta, already being on top of the tank, was the one to stop Hibiki from jumping in after Ryoma. He kept the Softball Pro restrained as the tank was broken and the water was drained. His explanation for his relationship with Ryoma came out after everyone else saw Ryoma’s motive video.

After the trial, Hibiki fell into despair. He stopped coming to breakfast, and barely left his room. Gonta was the one to bring him food and continuously check up on him, like a true gentleman.

Hibiki only really started to liven back up after chapter 3′s trial, and starts coming out of his room more. He remained close to Gonta during these times, however, and continued to rely on him for support.

This just added to the fuel for Gonta in chapter 4, as what Kochichi said, that knowing the truth would just push everyone into Despair, hit even harder for Gonta, having been so close to Biki during his struggle to get over loosing Ryoma.

[serbarris]

Vaimah Glwrin, Inquisitor. 

Nickname:  Vai, Varric's nickname for him is 'Swish'

Reason for name: Vaimah means to wield wind, and the swish is on account of how Vaimah wields his great axe, creating a swishing noise.

Birthday: 29th Firstfall

Race: Dalish

Age: 33 in 9:41 Dragon (36 at the start of Trespasser)

Gender: cis male

Place of birth: near The Coastlands of the north

Places lived since: The Glwrin clan are a stationary clan in the Coastlands, so much of his childhood was spent there, he then moved to the Brecillian forest to be with the Sabrae clan when they needed his mother, Athrin to train a new Halla Keeper. He lived with the Lavellan clan in the Free Marches for a period and joined their representative to the conclave, at which he became the Herald and lived at Haven and Skyhold.

Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations: Vaimah's mother, Athrin was the Glŵrin clans Halla herder and his father, Sylavun, a master craftsman for the clan. Athrin marvelled at the delicate designs Sylavun carved, after many brief encounters Athrin worked up the courage to properly talk to Sylavun and they fell in love and married, the pair had trouble conceiving and were finally blessed with Vaimah, but they could not manage to have another child.

Number of siblings: none

Relationship with family: They are very close, and only grew closer when their family moved from the Glwrin clan to the Sabrae clan, and surrounded by strangers. As Vaimah grew older he started to become more independent and came into his own without being coddled by his parents,

Happiest memory: Whenever the Halla were allowed to roam free on the plains, he was allowed out with them and just ran and enjoyed the freedom and open space they could explore.

Childhood trauma: When he was around 10 down at the docks, at which his clan traded, a Shem pirate grabbed him and threatened to cut off his ears, as they were 'valuable'. He had quite a few run-ins with these black-market salesmen, but the network of the docks knew of these pirates and helped prevent any serious injuries.

Children of his own?: Vaimah has 4 children of his own, all with Faralen Sabrae, Caeren is the oldest, then Amoran and the twins; Linneth and Oronth

If so, relationship with their mother?: Faralen and Vaimah started on a very tense relationship, they were both very solitary. They knew of each other through mutual friend Eilan Mahariel, though after he and Tamlen died in the ancient ruins, Vaimah and Faralen looked out for each other. They slowly but surely relied on each other more than they could realise, grew very close, and fell in love (even if Faralen didn’t realise at the time). They have a very good relationship now, and Vaimah is a constant reminder for Faralen to voice her feelings and they tend to balance each other out nicely.

Age he became a father: Vaimah was 36 when Caeren was born, 38 when Amoran was born, and 42 when Oronth and Linneth were born 

PERSONALITY

Positive Personality Traits: He wants to help the greater good, decisive but adaptable, good-natured,

Negative Personality Traits:  Reckless, a bit abrasive, protects the whole rather than self-preservation, oblivious to some things, sees the world in a very black and white way, insecure, determined, easy to startle

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

MBTI Type: ISFJ

Interests:  He loves the creation of things, learning how to make the weak materials strong and how to change an object so inherently it becomes unrecognisable

Mood Character is Most in: Distracted

How does your character deal with being afraid?: He runs in head first towards whatever is making him afraid and confronts it

Any reoccurring nightmares?:  ones of drowning, of the waves he trusts and finds comfort in betraying him, letting him fall beneath

When are they most in their element?: in the heat of debate, his morality guides him and he trusts in his own judgement completely; his gut feeling helps him feel like despite his memory loss, that he does know things and there must be a reason he is able to say things with such surety

What do they have a soft spot for?: his family and hallas,

What events have had the most impact on his life?: The death of Eilan Mahariel, they were firm friends and were a fleeting romance together, the death of Keeper Marethari and having to rise with Faralen to stabilise the Clan; The Divine Conclave leading to memory loss

Enraged When?: threatened

Greatest Strength?: his morality and judgement

Greatest Weakness?:  his fear of his memory loss impairing his judgment and deviating from who he used to be

Biggest regret:  Not voicing his feelings for Faralen sooner, there was just so much that got in the way, but in a way he’s glad he didn’t say he loved her sooner, it probably would have made the memory loss a lot harder to deal with

PHYSICAL

Height: 6″3

Weight: about 14 stone

Build: muscular af

Nationality: Ferelden, Coastlander

Disabilities: amnesia after the conclave, and still suffers from slight temporary memory loss

Complexion : quite dark skin, worn complexion

Face shape:  idk face shapes

Distinguishing facial features: JAW, also his scars 

Hair colour: dark brown, now going grey

Usual hairstyle: he had a completely shaved head for a while when he got his vallaslin as it extends into his hairline, nowadays he has an undercut and short on top, very easy to maintain, the top grows during Inquisition and he sometimes ties it back in a bun. Due to his arm being gone after Trespasser he will shave it all when it’s too long then grow the top and repeat the cycle as he can shave by himself but not trim the top.

Eye colour: lilac with specks of golden brown, like a Mediterranean storm

Glasses? Contacts?: nope 

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): tough leathers and armour, when in casual wear more loose soft leathers and tunics

Typical style of shoes: practical hard-wearing boots

Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?):  very resilient to illness, he's one of those who will be kind of ill for a long time, rather than just be dying for a week and be fine again.

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): Vai washes whenever he can, he loves water anyway, he's not really bothered about how clean he is though.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: Vaimah has some ear piercings he got from an Antivan woman down at the docks, and boy did he have trouble hiding them from his parents, his vallaslin is after June due to him and his father being craftsmen.

Accent?: Deep and slightly abrasive Welsh accent

Unique mannerisms/physical habits (bites nails, talks with hands, taps feet when restless):  his eyebrows move a lot when he talks, any subtle emotion is through his eyebrows

Athletic?:  he is built like a brick shithouse

INTELLECT

Level of education:  he knows some dalish history as well as being a skilled craftsman

Level of self-esteem: low when he moved to the Sabrae clan at around 20 years old, he was a lot taller and muscular than those in the clan, he also had to reprove himself to master Ilen as a craftsman when he moved and he felt belittled. Now he is better but doubts himself due to memory loss

Gifts/talents:  aptitude for crafting things since he started at a v young age, an is very good with animals thanks to his mother

Shortcomings:  distracted very easily, easy to startle and creep up on

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.):  articulate,

“Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?:  left??

Artistic?:  masterpieces or stick men no in-between

Mathematical?: nope

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?:  a mixture of both, but he leans more towards emotions

Religious stance: He has become more open to the views of the humans and their maker given the Dalish have so many different gods, what's one more?

Cautious or daring?:  just enough of both to be reckless but with cause

Most sensitive about/vulnerable to: attacks on his personality and family

Optimist or pessimist?:  optimist

Extrovert or introvert?: Introvert

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status: Officially bonded with Faralen in 9:43 Dragon

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Past relationships: Many casual snogging sessions etc. down at the docks with curious people (he doesn't judge), and one casual relationship with Eilan, but Faralen is the only proper relationship he has had

Primary reason for relationship ending: Eilan died

Level of sexual experience: relatively high with Eilan (vaimah gets pegged 2k19) but low experience with the ladies 

Story of first kiss: So this elf really fancied Vaimah a lot and they just started to talk to each other alone and go on walks and he slipped dragging Vai with him and they just fell on top of each other and it happened

Story of loss of virginity : Him and Eilan were just horny young elves

A social person? :  he makes acquaintances and good impressions very quickly, but he has very few good friends

Most comfortable around (person): Faralen, or Amath, the Sabrae clans' chef, he is very much the big brother/uncle figure in the clan

Oldest friend:  Amath or Envin, they didn't judge him as much when he joined the Sabrae clan, and helped him socialise

VOCATION

Profession: Inquisitor

Past occupations: Second in command of the Sabrae clan, Liaison of the Sabrae clan, Hunter

Passions:  crafting, especially patterned wood and little figurines like his father.

Attitude towards current job:  it’s alright but saving the world is a bit stressful

SECRETS

Phobias:  scared of worms

Life Goals:  not to die and regain all his memories

Dreams:  to live a long happy life with his family

Greatest fears: Corruption, he doesn't want to see himself become the bad guy

Most ashamed of:  when he lets his anger get the better of him

Compulsions:  tapping his teeth together when thinking

Obsessions:  checking here is always an escape route

Secret Hobbies:  he collects little things that remind him of his family, like a lock of hair from all his children (when they've had a haircut) or little flowers or shells from days out things like that

Secret skills:  he is actually amazing at cooking but fucking hates doing it.

Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): got accused of stealing a lot when he was a youngling at the docks, but he was never actually caught red-handed so it never happened okay

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Light or heavy sleeper?: heavy sleeper, when he is gone he is dead to the world, but Faralen learned he has a little tickly spot around the back of his armpit and when tickled it will wake him up. This was very useful when she was pregnant and wanted tiny cakes.

Lefty or righty?: right-handed

Favorite colour: blue

Cusser?: Like a fucking sailor. As an elf he usually takes the creators names in vain, but after the conclave and being surrounded by humans he beings to use the Maker and Andraste’s names in vain, which is very confusing to pretty much any other elf he comes across.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Socially drinks

[mechaspirit]

Sanctuary

Author’s note: This is the idea I have for a while, and it involves three drabbles from three different books, but the theme is the same. Consider this as an early Valentine gift for you guys.

And by the way, in the It Lives in the Woods drabble, MC allow Noah to sacrifice himself to Mr. Red, which is a contrast to the other fanfic I’ve recently written. Hope you enjoy

Disclaimer: Definitely do not own any of the Choices books down below. Those are rightfully owned by Pixelberry.

Rated: T

List of Choices books appeared in this order: The Royal Romance, It Lives in the Woods, and Endless Summer.

Pairings: MCxLiam, MCxAndy, MCxJake

Summary: Everyone has their own sanctuary. Whether it’s at a certain place, or through the people they care about. In the end, we sought our own sanctuary in times of trouble...

“Finding a sanctuary, a place apart from time, is not so different from finding a faith.”

― Pico Iyer

In the World of Modern Royalty

Night has fallen at the garden of Cordonia, and many people who had come for drinks, singing, and/or dancing had. But few others had chosen to stay behind, wanting to enjoy this wonderful even a bit longer before the next, important event comes up for the kingdom.

Liam never thought he would feel this happy again. After the scandal that force to tear him and Riley apart and making him choose Madeleine as a future queen and wife, the king intolerably had to go through with balancing his duties and wedding plans (that actually sounds worse than execution) while trying to find evidence to clear Riley’s name. Lucky for her, Liam sent their friends out to help her out, and they accepted the tasks without any hesitation.

It was painful to deal with because they have to be separated from each other at arm's length as much as possible. Riley was pretty much one of the few people who made Liam really happy, and he couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to be near her. Or worse, not being able to see her again…ever. Regard it was a necessary move since their affairs could cause even more agitation in public for both of them. Plus, Riley never wanted to put herself between anyone’s relationship, even if that kind of relationship was meant to be a political rather than a romantic one. One of the reasons why Liam loves her so much since the former waitress has a strong sense of morality and determination.

But that was over now. Liam broke off the engagement to Madeleine. Riley’s name was cleared and happily accepted the proposal from the king at the Statue of Liberty, making them officially engaged. This was one of the best moments in Liam’s life. Sometimes, he thought to himself that it was too good to be true and the whole thing was a dream, but it wasn’t. He’d finally get to be with someone he knows who is the one for him and they will forever cherish that moment, no matter what.

Soon, the party winded down and while every else took the exit out of the garden, the newly engaged couple stay behind for a tender moment. They held on to each other in an embrace, foreheads touching each other, leaning for a kiss goodnight before parting ways again. Liam knew that Riley had always been his light. He didn’t think he told her yet, but she’s was his sanctuary.

In the World of the Cursed Woods

Andy knew without the doubt the Vivian is the strongest and the bravest person in the group, even more so than him and Ava combined. However, he also knew that even the strongest person has a breaking point.

They leaned on to her whenever things get rough at school and surviving the hell load of chaos Mr. Red created for them. Yet, Vivian rarely relies on them and can be reckless sometimes, such as the time when she went to the woods to confront Mr. Red alone and made everything worse. This proved that pulling a dangerous stunt like that can be too much for one person.

Maybe that was one of the reasons why she became cold and distant after another tragic incident with the shadow demon…

The gang found out from Vivian what happened to Noah that day, and they could see her dark eyes full of regret. Despite their reassurance, she blamed herself for letting Noah sacrificing himself to set his sister free and wished it could’ve been her. Maybe what he did to them was unforgivable, but at least he was willing to do something right at the end for everyone.

PTSD had already hit Vivian, just like how it hit Dan. Perhaps it was the dying part that caused the heroine to crack. She couldn’t handle the fact that she lost someone else after Jane died. There were too many “what if’s” and “it could’ve been me” during the time she pushed her friends away once again.

Andy couldn’t stand the fact that his girlfriend would reconsider dying and taking the traitor’s place just to save all of them. The argument was set between them, with Andy pointing out that the latter would be breaking his heart and everyone else’s by leaving them behind while Vivian retorted that none of them understood what’s it like to see someone choosing to die right in front of them. It was until then that Andy had to remind himself that Vivian is still suffering from the trauma. They all are. And what she really needed was a shoulder to lean on, not any more fighting. They dealt with too much of that already in the past.

They both managed to talk things out again before sitting down on the floor against the side of Andy’s bed from exhaustion. Vivian gently rested her head against his shoulder before finally speaking out again.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too, Vi,” Andy replied softly before giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead, “Don’t worry. We’ll get through this. I’m not going to give up on you, no matter what.”

Because he’ll be damned if he did, especially on the person who is actually his sanctuary.

In the World of a Distorted Island

The full moon had shown brightly at the bay area of the Colonnade Cove, and despite being in the island of hell, everything seems to be peaceful. But everyone knew that this peace won’t last forever. Jake learned that the hard way. Losing a best friend (who turned out to be alive and in a robotic state) and being on the run had taught him that it wasn’t easy to trust anyone anymore, and he wouldn’t let anyone else in just to avoid getting hurt again.

That all changed when he first met her back at the cockpit. Despite being attracted to her appearance, the pilot considered Yurika as one of those annoying college kids who only came to enjoy the trip. But deep down, she has the intelligence, determination, and compassion to those around her like any true leader would have. And it was thanks to her that everyone is still alive, fighting their way out on this cursed island.

But there’s something off about Yurika, lately. It was as if she’s becoming more secretive during their times on the island and is close to breaking. Jake even notice the way she was shivering and murmuring a lot in her sleep, indicating that she’s been having a lot of nightmares lately. What it was all about was still a mystery to him. All he knows was that they were still bothering her. Noticing the way her face started twitching in her sleep, he gently shook her awake, causing her to open her dark green eyes.

“You okay, Princess?” Jake asked her.

“I am now,” Yurika replied. The pilot could’ve sworn he saw relief in her eyes before giving him an apologetic look on her face, “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Naw. Stilling tryin’ to get some sleep myself,” Jake then looked at her in concern, “You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?”

Yurika opened her mouth to respond, but couldn’t. Seeing some kind of fear in her eyes, Jake didn’t push it. Instead, he held her close to his chest and gently ran his fingers through her long hair. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me now. I’m right here if you still need someone to talk to. Just try to get some sleep. We still need to look for the others.”

Yurika nodded in agreement and snuggle against the pilot before slowly falling asleep once again. The former couldn’t help but smile at the sleeping form of the woman he loved.

It’s been a long time since Jake had ever let anyone get close to him, and he was glad it was her. She was the one who convinced him that it’s okay to let those walls down once in a while, knowing that she would always be there to comfort him. It was only then until Jake realized how much she really means to him. He nearly lost Yurika once, when she fell out of the helicopter and into the ocean. But then he, along with Estela, found her again during the volcanic eruption nearly losing consciousness due to the atmosphere. By that time, he swore he would never lose her again.

He never wanted to admit this, but in a way, she was his sanctuary.

[boku-no-headcannons]

Todoroki and Zuko Parallel

So, I was seaching tumblr for this, and I’m surprised that I couldn’t find anything, so here, a meta between me and Mod Monoma. Enjoy!

Personality

Both Todoroki and Zuko are pressured to act a certain way and are forced into these roles set by their fathers who both have ridiculous standards for their sons. With Zuko, his conduct needed to be suited for a prince and he was very restricted to excelling (but is also constantly put down). He was also not allowed to make his own decisions and needed to sacrifice himself for the greater good of the kingdom. For Todoroki, he needed to be the better version of Endeavour, essentially an upgraded version of his father. Endeavour’s pettiness and denial against the fact that All Might earned his position as top hero needed someone to beat him. Todoroki was forced to master both of his abilities and be top tier, even as a child. From he was born, up until now (and still), he was expected to be better and stronger than All Might

They both are introduced as stoic, straightforward characters with a very specific goal in mind. While for Zuko, it was to kill the Avatar, Todoroki’s main goal was to become a top hero, something that he has to fight his way through to accomplish.

Later on, as each their stories progress, they become more comfortable with speaking to their friends and family. Todoroki struggled with speaking to his classmates for a long while, until finally getting to know people like Izuku on a more personal level. Soon he was portrayed to be more involved in the class’s activities, much like how Zuko was later shown to be working with Aang in order to defeat the fire nation.

However, they were still keeping secrets from those who are close to them. Due to the unresolved trauma of their pasts, their trust issues become a huge problem for not only them but the people who are close with these characters. For Zuko, it caused a rift in a few of his personal relationships, like with Mai, while for Todoroki it was less of secret keeping and more of an unwillingness to display his innermost feelings and the reasons behind them. In the way that they have been presented, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they shared something important in their current events when it gets so bad that they’re pestered for it (ex. Dramatic backstories and whatnot)

((WHY ARE THEY SO STUBBORN LIKE PLEASE CAN YOU JUST LET US HUG YOU. ALSO- YOU KNOW WHAT’S ANOTHER COMMONALITY?? THE FACT THAT THEY DON’T EXIST. *highkey crying*))

[Family] General Description

Now, since this is just a parallel, not everything is going to be perfect of course. Comparing Azula to Fuyumi isn’t going to work out at all since they’re basically polar opposites. But in general, their family situation is fundamentally similar, with the tyrant dad and the absent mother, along with siblings that were never really there for them. Todoroki and Zuko were both very distant with their family, and didn’t see/get along with their siblings often. For Todoroki, he was separated at an early age, which meant that he could never form complete ties with his brothers and sisters who were rarely around as well. Fuyumi has begun to bridge this gap between them, and he does begin to allow himself to rely on his older sister now, unlike in the past where he couldn’t. For Zuko, on the other hand, Azula was his only sibling, and she definitely wasn’t good for him at all. Their relationship is covered in fractures, but there are parts in ATLA where she does show some sort of concern for his well-being (not before her’s though), like when she pretended that Zuko had killed Aang instead of taking the credit (although she really was setting him up there). There’s no taking back the things that could never happen in their past

Father x Son Relationship

To outsiders, their fathers were considered heroes in one way or another. They prioritized their image and other people over blood, seeing them as simply something dispensable. They were considered villains to the people who actually knew them and oppressed everyone in order to establish dominance.

Both Zuko and Todoroki’s scars were a result of their fathers’ mistreatment, despite being inflicted in different ways. Because of Zuko’s unyielding pressure from his family (more often than not, his father) to progress and become a better firebender than he already was, he overworked himself and eventually fought his father in a match he was almost sure to lose at his current skill level. This is a direct example of his father causing the scar, but for Todoroki, it was more indirect. His mother was abused to the point of finding anything involving her husband to be ‘painful’ to look at, causing her to be startled by Shouto’s sudden appearance and making her throw the boiling water on his face. While Endeavor didn’t throw the boiling water, it was because of him that she felt so startled.

The fathers had abused their wives as well as their sons. We learned this from the manga and we saw it reasserted in the anime. This caused their mothers to be distant and slowly giving them less and less affection. It could be asserted that they were the reason they had become less inclined to trusting others, as they assumed their fathers would stop them from forming meaningful bonds. While they might not have been there physically, there always was the background thought that their fathers would not approve of the friendship, instantly making them less likely to be willing to make friends.

Todoroki didn’t really find the need to seek out his father’s love and approval in the series, but one of Zuko’s main motivations was to impress his father and be once again accepted into the family. In this way, they couldn’t be more different.

It is also worth considering how the boy’s opinions of their fathers change as the plot progresses. Zuko shows us that his relationship with his father is distant and Ozai is a fearful, oppressive figure in his life. However, the firebender learns that his father is actually less of an allpower figure in his life, and more pathetic than anything else. Shouto grew more and more apathetic to his father, finding that it was possible to not let himself consider his father’s looming presence. He learned that it was possible to become a hero because of his own will, and not with his father’s influence.

While Endeavor found that Todoroki was the perfect ‘product’ of his and his wife’s quirks, Ozai actually felt resentment towards his son, calling him a failure. Endeavor placed a great amount of faith into training his son to eventually become the next top hero. Ozai, however, didn’t find much use in his son’s existence (gottam Ozai) and didn’t invest much time in Zuko’s childhood.

The fathers themselves, are, to put it shortly, complete jerks who shouldn’t be raising children.They not only have hotheads ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ), but they show a general lack of empathy for their children. Ozai’s natural inclination is to find use in his children, especially when it comes to their firebending abilities. Endeavor keeps pressuring his wife to bear him children in hopes that one day he will find someone who he considers strong enough to surpass All Might, and Shouto ends up to be that child. They put them through unbearable physical and emotional abuse that causes them to distance themselves and make them wary of getting personal with others. Overall, they’re pretty bad dads (and that’s an understatement)

Mother x Son Relationship

The mother and son relationship of both characters have been a significant part of who they are and because of their past, it had also initially warped them

Now, obviously, both Zuko and Todoroki’s mothers weren’t present for their childhood, and only played the most minor role as they grew older, definitely taking a back seat to ‘terrible parenting’ with their dads driving that vehicle (essentially running both our beloved boys over time and time again), but there is a lot more on that similarity

It wasn’t as if the mothers of both series decided to simply give up on their child. It has been shown that they did originally have a ‘good’ or at least ‘functional’ relationship at first. Unfortunately, that would be changed due to the awful fathers of both Zuko and Todoroki. Todoroki’s mom did not want him to turn out like his father and told him that his ice ability was his, not something that belonged to Endeavour. With Zuko’s mom, she often protected him from Azula’s harshness and defended him when Ozai called him ‘useless’ or a ‘failure’ when he couldn’t firebend in a polished way like his prodigal sister. In the end, with pressure to be a mother and the pressure of simply being there as a trophy wife, they both ended up caving and vanished from their son’s life and being treated less than they actually deserved. They also left due to interefence from their husbands (with Todoroki’s mom being sent to a psych ward and Usra, Zuko’s mom, needing to leave due to a deal made with Ozai for Zuko)

Although this is slight spoilers, both mothers do end up showing up again later on in both series, with Todoroki going to visit his mother after the UA Festival after rethinking his past due to Midoriya’s valiant (and slightly intrusive but pure of heart) actions. It’s not as if everything is fixed, but it is the beginning of their relationship being healed in the very least. For Zuko, his despised sister actually leads him to where his mother had fled too with Team Avatar. Conflicts arise, but in the end, it does lead to Ursa and Zuko having a conversation to correct all the hurt in the past

Both mothers could not handle the abuse towards their children, as a result of trying to be manipulated and bent to the respective father’s will. Todoroki’s mother unfortunately caved to the pressure, but Zuko’s abuse was the unintended consequence of the discourse between Ursa and Ozai. They too were abused by their husbands mentally, if not physically as well.

It’s pretty awful to be honest, but their actions, when misunderstood by their sons, were taken in such a wrong way that also painted them as the villains of their past, which isn’t the case. It was because of other events leading up to the singular event that traumatized both the mother and the son (ie pouring the boiling water on Todoroki’s face and leaving Zuko to fend for himself in the jungle that was the palace). They were blamed for many things as well (turning their sons into something twisted/ wasn’t there to be moral support and protect and love them). Their relationship with their sons were originally terrible, but once the reader/watcher’s eyes were opened, they, along with the characters themselves, could understand why it even occurred. It’s not to say that it wasn’t a shitty move, but being pushed into a corner could drive many people to do things they didn’t think they were capable of.

I hate to say it, but it’s true- they were both forced to marry people they didn’t want to be wed to due to a marriage of convenience. Both men wooed their wives into marrying them with the end goal of simply producing superior offspring, which ended up not fulfilling their selfish expectations in the end (after rebelling hardcore). They got married because of what they could give in the relationship, but with all the egocentricity, their relationship was a huge example of parasitism. Only one side benefitted while the other was harmed in the process. Their abilities and kindness were taken advantage of, damaging the individual and the people around them, in the process

They tried to love their sons to the best of their abilities and it is not their fault that world decided to screw them over and say that ‘Hey, no, I’m sorry. We can’t have a decent parent in the house, so we’re going to destroy that part and create angst and trauma within these seven year olds’

In short, the mothers both tried their best to raise their sons in a way were they would have done much good and kindness to society, but instead, their assholish husbands decided to be dicks and completely fuck up their son’s future in order to further push their stupid ideals and degrading these poor woman to something less than a dollar store toy or a one-trick pony

[Friends] Character Interactions (imperfect comparisons)- Midoriya/Aang

Midoriya and Aang were both shown as the two boys’ rivals. When Shouto first interacts with Izuku, he challenges him to do his best in the Sports Festival arc, asserting that he will win. Zuko’s main motivation during the first book was to find the Avatar and kill him, in order to seek his father’s approval.

Over time, the relationship between these characters changed from hostility to grudging respect as both Midoriya and Aang continually tried gain their trust and understand their perspective. They do end up becoming allies first with grudging respect earned from their actions and eventually friends. Zuko sides with Aang to fight against his father’s oppression and basically his former way of life, while Todoroki, in the manga, rushes off to Midoriya when he’s in need of help and is willing to go with him whether asked or not

When they start to fight with each other, Zuko and Todoroki begin to learn that they are more than what their fathers made them out to be. In a way, Midoriya and Todoroki helped show each other what it meant to be a hero, much like how Aang and Zuko both realized that they had to do what’s best for the outcome of the world.

Midoriya and Aang are both the main characters of their respective series, and are both positive figures in the stories. They both are meant to be inspirational to the rest of the cast, and that definitely shows after they speak to the tragic heroes of each story.

These two stay very positive and are always open to what the other characters have to say. If they can get out of the conflict peacefully, they will, but they don’t hesitate to stand and fight when and if push-comes-to-shove. Midoriya and Aang give Todoroki and Zuko another chance after the initial cold treatment and go out of their way to break down their walls and befriend them

Momo/Mai

So, in ATLA, Zuko and Mai get together at the very end (once again), and although we can only speculate what will happen between Momo and Todoroki, although they have gotten closer from the times that they have interacted in the manga, and I think (personally) that they could be considered as friends or acquaintances in the very least. Well, I’m straying, but Yaoyorozu is the closest person I could think of in joint with Mai

Both Momo and Mai hail from rich and powerful families who have lots of power in the universe that they belong in. Mai’s parents are politicians who are also very much in Ozai’s favour. As for Momo, her parents are heroes who have a great deal of influence as well. Because of this, it’s safe to assume that although they were definitely well off, their interactions with their family are kept to almost a minimum

These characters were initially assumed to be cold and indifferent, or at least in another world compared to everyone else. However, looking past that, they are both extremely loyal individuals who stay true in what they believe in and rarely ever falter. If there is something that needs to be voiced, they are usually the ones to do it. Mai and Momo are strong on their own, but they are much stronger in groups (ex. Team Todoroki and Azula’s group)

Momo and Mai are very resourceful (ha because of Momo’s quirk ;) okay, I’ll stop) and are quick-witted (well, for the most part), and they have a wide knowledge of many, many things. Momo needs to understand and be able to put to use informations about molecular engineering in order to create things using her quirk. They are both really smart and are able to apply their knowledge in all types of situations

Todoroki and Momo, along with Zuko and Mai, met in similar circumstances, although they are pretty different when cross-examining the shows. Todoroki and Momo got in due to their recommendation letters, probably putting them at the top of their junior high classes. Zuko and Mai are in the dominant families that oversee the Fire Nation, which means their commonality would be their blood

It’s clear that Zuko and Mai’s relationship is definitely more romantic while Todoroki and Momo’s is platonic, but both males are willing to help out when they have a problem of any sort. These two (or well, four) work well together as a unit and they’re fairly good with strategy and fighting

Bakugou/Sokka

Sokka and Zuko… didn’t really get along much in the beginning of the series. Bakugou and Todoroki? They got along even less.

Bakugou and Todoroki later, however, don’t necessarily grow closer, but learn to at least tolerate each other. Zuko and Sokka work together a lot to reach a common goal but they don’t exactly consider each other close friends.

These four bickered/fought like there was no tomorrow in the beginning of both series. Like really- never would have anyone thought that they become allies at all

Reluctant acceptance takes place of the mutual hatred and annoyance. They do end up acknowledging each other’s strengths later on and even sometimes helping each other

Although Zuko and Sokka couldn’t be considered good friends in the animation, they were definitely allies and trusted each other. Sokka and Zuko get closer as they get older, with Sokka being the Avatar’s advisor and having a role on the council that had been put together in order to maintain peace (Legend of Korra right there). Although that can’t be said for Bakugou and Todoroki where the anime/manga stands, they are past the simple ‘I despise you’ stage

Both Sokka and Bakugou know about Zuko and Todoroki’s past, although Bakugou hasn’t exactly brought that up with Todoroki yet (because he was eavesdropping during the festival)

They trust in each other’s abilities, and have actually gotten jealous over what the other person has, like Zuko wanting to belong and be trusted while Sokka wanted to be powerful. And well, Bakugou and Todoroki with their abilities and etc

((THIS IS LIKE THE LOVE-HATE BROMANCE. They’re chill but it’s not like they’re going to hop onto the braid train. Oh also, I hc that Zuko and Sokka hang out to complain about Katara and Aang being all lovey-dovey and so they go out on bro-dates. More to come on Bakugou/Todoroki friendship :3 ))

Iida/Katara & Toph

Iida is almost always portrayed as the voice of reason in the series (except during the Hero Killer arc *sweats*) and Katara and Toph try to set others on the right path, while struggling with their own personal insecurities.

In this relationship, Iida and Todoroki both respect each other’s abilities and often seek each other’s help in times in need, like in the Sports Festival arc. While Toph doesn’t interact as much with Zuko in the series, Katara and him both fight comfortably together, despite having incredibly different personalities.

Shouto also worries about his classmate’s mental health. Iida is shown to go through countless struggle after struggle, and Todoroki understands and even helps Iida through these times. In ATLA, however, Katara and Toph are less inclined to show their feelings. Katara sometimes finds it in herself to tell her closer friends, like Aang, her brother, and Zuko, about things that were troubling her, like her worries about her tribe and abilities. However, in the last book (season) of ATLA, Katara allows Zuko to accompany her to take revenge on the person who had killed her mother, while Toph goes out of her way to be partnered up with Zuko in their search for Aang to talk about her family (although Zuko couldn’t exactly console her or do anything about it)

Because of their willingness to grow as not only good people, but also as people that will help others, they are portrayed as strong characters with a very precise set of morals. All three of these characters have honestly been through a lot, and deserve happy endings that they won for themselves, thank you very much.

Well, there was supposed to be another part for what we might see in the future in alignment with ATLA, but we figured it was too long, but don’t worry, it’ll be here soon ;)

[kiribakus]

man remember project metis

here is literally everything i have written for the third chapter of Project Metis since i probs won’t get to it for a while

****Chapter Three: they told us we could be whatever wewanted, and we chose puppies***

FILE: TODOROKI SHOUTO

MILITARY RANK:Special Officer

DIVISION: HybridStrike Corps, Musutafu Base, PPDC

ACCESS: Omega Level

AGE: 5

HEIGHT: 176cm

ALTER EGO: “Shouto”

PACK AFFILIATION:Apollo Pack

PACK RANK: Point

STRAIN: Alpha

POINT OF ORIGIN:Endeavor Project

DESCRIPTION:Category Five; dragon-like; long, serpentine body; six eyes, heterochromia;spines and vents down back, spines trailing down to make a heavily spiked tail,note crown of horns and white shoulder spikes; red sheen over black scales

QUIRK: half-cold,half-hot; can expel magma from mouth and propel ice from shoulder spikes; canchange temperature of hide at will

FILE: MIDORIYA IZUKU

MILITARY RANK:Special Officer

DIVISION: HybridStrike Corps, Musutafu Base, PPDC

ACCESS: Omega Level

AGE: 25

HEIGHT: 166cm

ALTER EGO: “Deku”

PACK AFFILIATION:Apollo Pack

PACK RANK: Flank

STRAIN: Alpha

POINT OF ORIGIN:Lycaon Project

DESCRIPTION:Category Three; lion-like; smaller but strong feline build; thick, curlingmane; green sheen over black scales and mane; beaked face, thick hide, dullspikes, massive claws on heavy paws

QUIRK: “one forall”; incredible physical strength

MARCH 17, 2035  8:32 HOURS

LOCATION: LOCCENTMission Control, Musutafu Base, Japan

Urarakahides a yawn behind her clipboard and doesn’t notice the person sneaking upbehind her.

“That’s agood look on you,” Aizawa says, coming to a stop beside her.

Urarakasqueaks and blushes, peeking out from behind her clipboard and glaring atAizawa. “Sensei!” she exclaims. “You shouldn’t sneak up on a lady like that!”

The cornerof Aizawa’s mouth twitches. “How are they?”

Urarakalowers the clipboard and turns to the holographic screens displaying a herd ofthousand-ton monsters running, swatting at each other, leaping, and all inall…playing around. On screen, Mina bites Kirishima’s tail and he yelps.Uraraka smiles. Then, straightening her back, she delivers her report.

“Artemispack seems to be in top-tier condition,” she says. “The test run a couple daysago showed no sign of shifting pack structure—Bakugou is still clearly thepoint of the pack. Ojiro and Shouji aren’t showing signs of discontent as rearguards, and Tokoyami is as usual, submissive to Bakugou. Any worries we hadabout Kirishima vying for Bakugou’s position are null. All our results suggestthat his insubordinate acts help Bakugou blow off steam. He’s acting as theregulator for the pack.”

“Good,”Aizawa says. “I’m still worried he’s a powder keg on the brink of exploding,but…”

But weneed him. Urarakanods. She gets it. “Apollo pack is due for a test run soon, but I don’t haveany worries about shifting pack structure. As a rule, they tend to be steadierthan Artemis pack anyway. That kaiju takedown illustrates just how functionalthey are as a pack. My only concern would be that they rely on Todoroki alittle much, but all his psych analyses come back with negligible worries. He’sa machine when it comes to leading; I’ll never understand how you managed topry him from Todoroki-sensei’s hands.”

“It cameat a high cost,” Aizawa says. “Sometimes I wonder if I have yet to realize allI gave up for him.” He frowns.

“I believeIida briefed you on the results of Alpha Strain’s routine check?” Uraraka says.

Aizawanods. “Yes, and I did look over the test run results briefly when they came out.What I really need to know from you is how the officers themselves are doing.”

Urarakarolls her eyes. “Well, Artemis pack is doing as well as their kaijucounterparts. They’re not…close…like Apollo pack is, but they have anunderstanding. They work together when they’re needed and their ties arestrong. I think Ojiro feels inferior,” she says, frowning. “Tokoyami and Shoujibalance and rely on each other. Kirishima and Bakugou balance and rely on eachother. But Ojiro has no one. I want to look into that.”

“AndApollo pack?”

“Like afamily,” Uraraka says proudly. “Midoriya and Tsuyu might as well be siblings.Mina gets along with everyone, and Kouda is protected and looked after by hispack. Todoroki is respected and loved.” Her smile fades a little. “Midoriyatold me he’s been having those nightmares again. He had one so bad it woke uphis packmates, the morning before the double event.”

“Is it aproblem?” Aizawa asks.

“As aresearcher, it’s not my place to say,” Uraraka says. “It’s Todoroki’sresponsibility to get Midoriya in to a psychiatrist if he thinks the nightmaresare affecting Midoriya adversely. I trust his judgment. He’s logical andclear-headed, and if he thought Midoriya was dragging his pack down, he’d doanything to fix it. But Midoriya performed well during the battle, so it can’tbe affecting him that much. As a researcher, I think it’s okay to let it go.”

“But as afriend…” Aizawa trails off.

Urarakasighs. “As a friend, I don’t like to see him suffer. I worry Todoroki is beingtoo cold, but I’m not in their heads. I don’t feel what they feel. I don’t knowif Midoriya can handle it, even if he thinks he can.”

“Thankyou, Uraraka,” Aizawa says. “For now, I’ll advise the Marshal to withdrawApollo pack from any encounters with return kaiju until we can get Midoriyaanalyzed properly. No special treatment aside from that; if he thinks he canhandle it, I’ll let him try. But I’m not throwing one of my best officers intoa situation where a trauma-induced moment of hesitation could kill him if I canhelp it.”

“Is itbecause he’s a good officer, or because he’s Alpha Strain?” Uraraka asksquietly. Not quietly enough, though, because Aizawa gives her a sharp look.

“If youwant to talk favoritism and human rights with me—”

“No, no,I’m sorry,” Uraraka says. “It just slipped out. I understand even if I don’tlike it.”

“Good,”Aizawa says. “We don’t look it, but we’re skating on thin ice here. The lastthing I need is one of my closest to start doubting our cause.”

“I don’tdoubt us,” Uraraka says. “But they are my friends, too.”

“Then youknow better than any of us why we can’t have anyone too nosy poking their headinto what we do,” Aizawa says.

Urarakanods.

Aizawajerks his head towards the door. “I’m going to check in at R&D. Make sureour officers don’t kill each other, won’t you.” He turns away sharply.

Urarakasighs and collapses into a chair, rubbing her temples. Ah, she had ruined hergood mood. Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut?

She looksup at the kaiju moving millions of gallons of water like it was nothing as theypounce on each other and roll and snarl, jaws parted in what might as well besmiles. Aizawa-sensei was right that they were soldiers who lived to fight, butthey were also human underneath the mass of scales and claws and teeth and fur.They were human and they needed to be treated as such. Aizawa-sensei couldn’tseparate their human and kaiju selves, couldn’t help but see the whole picture;it was only logical, but also terribly heartless.

She wishesIida were here. Iida always knew how to phrase his concerns logically. He wasalways on the same wavelength as Aizawa-sensei, but Iida had a heart. Hecared for their friends as much as she did. He knew that Aizawa-sensei’s waysweren’t fair and he would find a way to word it so that Aizawa-sensei wouldagree. Uraraka thinks about calling him, just to hear his steady voice and havehim talk her down but no, she had taken this shift to allow him to sleep in foronce. She wouldn’t wake him up even if the sound of his voice, heavy withsleep, brought peace to her mind.

Besides,she loved this part of her job. She loved the kaiju. That’s why she was here andwhy she put up with the ethical dilemmas of their work. And to think UrarakaOchako, a woman fresh out of graduate school, could befriend the groundbreakinghybrids and work alongside the legendary Aizawa-sensei to keep them all safe—

Shefrowns, and then swears softly. Speaking of safe…

She poundsthe com. “LOCCENT to HYCOM, what the hell are you guys doing? They’re going tokill each other! Get on it, officers!”

MARCH 17, 2035  8:15 HOURS

LOCATION: MusutafuTraining Bay, Musutafu Base, Japan

Enrichmentdays, Midoriya thinks, are awesome.

Urarakahad told him why enrichment was an important part of keeping their kaijuhealthy and their mental health stable, but Midoriya couldn’t really fathom allthat science-y mumbo jumbo. All he knew is that his hundred-foot long lungswere heaving and he hadn’t felt this alive in days.

Ojiro’sear frills lift and then lower, a taunt. He’s poised and ready to leap, rear inthe air and spayed out in front of him, a reptilian dog ready to play. Midoriyatenses his own haunches and leaps out and to the side, ready to pounce onOjiro’s unprotected flank. Ojiro tears away from him, long blue tongue hangingout of his mouth as he pants. Midoriya chases him, hind legs bunching as hepicks up speed.

They teararound the group of kaiju in an outer circle, so fast Midoriya can feel thewind whistle past his ears. Ojiro makes for the relative safety of Shouji’stentacles. He’s right—Midoriya won’t run under Shouji’s body because he doesn’thave a death wish. Shouji eyes him with what Midoriya guesses is amusement.Tokoyami, draped across the slope of his back like a black, feathery ridge,ruffles his wings in irritation at the disturbance. Midoriya huffs. He bats atone of Shouji’s tentacles and gets another two slithering out after him.

Yelping,Midoriya jumps away. Shouji makes a sound that is definitely amusement.Tokoyami, decidedly woken from his dozing atop Shouji’s back sits up and glaresat Midoriya for a moment before beginning to clean Shouji’s scales with hisbeak and claws. Shouji makes an appreciative noise and lowers himself into thewater. Ojiro, realizing his protection is about to crush him, scurries out andright into Midoriya’s waiting paws.

Midoriyabody slams him, knocking them into a wrestling match in the water, jaws partedand snarling, the flats of their paws batting at each other. They’re careful toavoid each other’s spines. Ojiro gets to his feet and starts to run again, butMidoriya grabs onto his hind leg and drags him down, pushing him onto his backand holding him down with a heavy paw. Ojiro huffs.

You win.

Thehivemind is alive with emotions and thoughts and impressions from all thehybrids but Midoriya can pick out Ojiro’s voice easily, warm and amused, just alittle disappointed. This is why Midoriya was a flank and he was rear guard,though. It was only a natural result.

Midoriyalets Ojiro get to his feet and bumps shoulders with him affectionately,brushing their hides together from shoulder blade to hip. Midoriya feels aspike of pain and hears Ojiro exhale sharply and he pulls back, alarmed.

Shoulderouchpulled, Ojiro projects and Midoriya canfeel the faint throbbing as if it were his own pain. He sniffs at the sore spoton Ojiro’s shoulder, projecting his own worryconcernwasitme?

Ojiroshakes his head; he had landed funny on his leg when running from under Shouji.Midoriya laps at the sore spot anyway, as if he could take the pain away justfrom cleaning it. Ojiro pushes at Midoriya with his nose, appreciating thesentiment. He pads off to see Bakugou probably, who will look at his injury,snort, and say well, what do you want me to do about it?

Morelikely he’ll point out that it’ll heal when they shift back so Ojiro shouldjust deal with it, but Midoriya doesn’t want to give Bakugou that much credit. Ever.Hey, when one of your own kind nearly shreds you for trying to play fight withhim, it sticks with you.

Hispartner gone, Midoriya turns back to find a new bloodmate to brawl with. Minahas taken to leaping up in the air and swatting at Tokoyami on Shouji’s back,who screeches at her and claws back. Shouji doesn’t seem too perturbed byTokoyami’s distress. Their section of the hivemind is an almost sibling-likesquabble, easily dismissed as not real fighting.

Ojiro andBakugou are together. Kirishima is dodging Tsuyu’s attempts to smack him withher tongue, and underestimating her speed if that yip is anything to go by. Todoroki,predictably, isn’t engaging in the fun and instead sits off to the side, stillmanaging to look elegant with the long column of his neck extended and the sunglinting off the sharpness of his facial features. Kouda sits beside him, theonly kaiju bigger than Todoroki, head on his paws and eyes closed, taking inthe sunlight on his rock-like hide.

Midoriyaapproaches Todoroki, bobbing his head. It’s a causal invitation to play. Koudalooks up, senses Midoriya’s intention, and moves off towards Shouji with apassing good luck offered to Midoriya. Todoroki blinks slowly.

He regardsMidoriya with passing interest, showing no intention of getting up from wherehe’s comfortably splayed in one hundred feet of water.

Midoriyatries again. Runchasejumpcatch? He suggests. Bitepawgrowlplay?

Idon’t, Todorokireplies. You go.

Midoriyawhines. Not pack without you.

Artemisis here, Todorokipoints out. Bother them.

ButMidoriya doesn’t want to bother them. He wants to see Todoroki get up and dosomething, enjoy himself for once. Todoroki’s always so stone-faced andbusiness-minded; he never got a break. This is their break. Theirscheduled time off to play like the puppies at heart they all were.

Midoriyanot-so-delicately swipes a paw through the water and splashes Todoroki in theface.

Todoroki,to his credit, doesn’t react as angrily as he could have. His shoulders tense,but other than that he doesn’t move, dripping with water. His scales glitterand then he’s covered in steam, burning away the salt water. He exhales loudlyonce, expelling salt from his nostrils. He’s not amused.

Midoriya,however, is. He runs in a circle around Todoroki, continuing to splash him whileTodoroki burns away all the water. He paws at and chews on Todoroki’s tailuntil Todoroki shifts and growls at him. He actually gets Todoroki to whip hishead around and shift towards him. Midoriya leaps back, but Todoroki doesn’tfollow. He’s almost got him, though. Midoriya pads back towards him andheadbutts his shoulder affectionately, rubbing against him like a cat.

Todorokigrowls again and Midoriya does it again. He can feel the tension in Todoroki’sbody and his mind, irritated by Midoriya’s pushiness. As always, his mind isimpenetrable, but Midoriya can tell it’s a swirling mess right now. He probablyshouldn’t taunt Todoroki too much—he was much stronger than Midoriya,and bigger, too.

Midoriyaflicks his tail across Todoroki’s nose almost flirtatiously and Todoroki snaps.He gets to his feet faster than Midoriya expected and swipes at him. Midoriya’sfast enough to get away with only a few scales off his hide, but Todoroki canreach far.

The chasedoesn’t last long. Midoriya knows to run hard when he’s irritated Todoroki thismuch, but Todoroki has speed, length, and power and Midoriya’s only purpose inagitating him was to get him up and running anyway. Todoroki swipes Midoriya’slegs out from under him and Midoriya goes down, rolling onto his back.

Todorokiis on him in a second, hovering above Midoriya and prodding at him with one pawwhile Midoriya flattens his ears and growls, his muzzle crinkled into a snarl.Todoroki prods at his cheek and Midoriya hisses, swatting at his paw. Todorokijabs at him again and again, Midoriya on defense but still belly-up,vulnerable.

ThenTodoroki lets out a low, rumbling growl and parts his jaws, making a clickingnoise. His paws are on either side of Midoriya’s shoulders and he dominates thehivemind, pushing against Midoriya’s consciousness and subduing him.

Midoriya’sgrowl peters out and his muzzle flattens. He makes a small, chuffing noise andlowers his paws, allowing Todoroki to nose along his neck, nipping at the softskin he finds there. He’s completely limp under Todoroki’s ministrations andwhen Todoroki nips at his chin, Midoriya dares to lick his chin. Todorokigrowls softly, pleased. He parts his jaws and wraps them around Midoriya’smouth. Midoriya goes still and allows Todoroki to shake him a little and pressa paw over his heart, claws kneading Midoriya’s vulnerable underbelly.

This iscomplete submission.

Todorokireleases him a moment later and steps off him, eyeing Midoriya one last time.The hivemind is grudging fondness from Todoroki and a sense of satisfactionfrom his kaiju specifically at Midoriya’s submission. The rest of Apollo packare pings against Midoriya’s mind, vying for Todoroki’s attention next.Todoroki steps away from Midoriya, but not before the tip of his tail brushesagainst Midoriya’s nose.

Midoriya’sheart sings with so much pleasure, he knows it reaches the rest of hisbloodmates through the hivemind. Mina snorts, but she’s Todoroki’s next target,rolling on her back easily and grabbing at his face to lap at his chin,playfully submitting to her point.

Kirishima,inspired by Midoriya’s display, bumps Bakugou. Unlike Todoroki, though, Bakugoudoesn’t tolerate any kind of playfulness. Her turns on Kirishima in an instant,snarling. Kirishima barks back, pawing at Bakugou, playing with fire. Bakugoucharges him and Kirishima hops back swatting at his face. Bakugou knocks himoff balance immediately. Kirishima falls onto his belly and Bakugou climbs overhim, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck.

The fightgoes from Kirishima’s body immediately and he lets Bakugou give him a few roughshakes, snapping his head back and forth. Midoriya winces in sympathy. It lookslike it hurts, but when Bakugou releases Kirishima, there are no teeth marks inhis neck. Kirishima sinks bonelessly into the water, turning over curling hispaws over his chest, whining.

Bakugouignores him. Kirishima whines louder. Kidding, kidding! The hivemindsays.

Kirishimaplaces a paw against Bakugou’s muzzle and Bakugou’s lips pull away from hisgums with the force of his growl. Don’t touch me.

Aw, Bakugou…Kirishima plays cute harder, thistime wagging his tail.

Bakugousnorts. I hate you, he says.

Kirishimadoesn’t say ‘I adore you’ in so many words, but his love for Bakugou isn’texactly subtle across the hivemind. Even Midoriya can feel the force of it.This time, when Kirishima presses a paw to Bakugou’s muzzle, Bakugou knocks itaside so he can lean down and nip at Kirishima’s chin. Kirishima’s tail goeswild.

Bakugousteps off him and Midoriya huffs at Kirishima. Gross, he says.

Kirishimamight as well grin at him, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He flips onto hisstomach and growls gently at Midoriya. Midoriya growls back, tensing to leap onhim.

Bakugouthrows himself between them, jaws parted as wide as he can spread them, and roars.

Bakugou isnot Midoriya’s point. But he is a dominant member of a pack and Midoriya, alower rank than him, cowers back, tail tucking between his legs and earsfolding back. He shrinks into a ball, unable to run as his muscles lock.

Bakugoudoesn’t have a chance to make a move. Todoroki is at Midoriya’s side and infront of him with an ear-splitting roar of his own.

The twopoints square off, roaring at each other and posturing. The rest of their packsslink away save for Midoriya and Kirishima, frozen with fear and confusion thatinnocent playing had instigated a point-versus-point battle.

Bakugou’sjaw frills extend and shake, brilliant red-orange sunbursts against the purewhite of his scales. He’s intimidatingly large and fierce, but Todoroki is notshaken. He flares his own spines and ear frills, and the vents running down hisback hiss and spit steam. Their heads starts low but slowly rise in tandem witheach other until Todoroki’s height beats Bakugou’s.

Bakugoustrikes first. He swipes at Todoroki’s neck, but it isn’t with the flat of hispaw as he had swatted at Kirishima—this was with claws extended, hoping to tearTodoroki’s throat open. Todoroki bats him away, but then Bakugou is throwing himselfat Todoroki, standing on his hind legs to use both paws to punch at Todoroki’sface. Todoroki mirrors him and they fight like tigers, dueling with their frontpaws and then dropping to all fours so they can try to ram each other withtheir bodies before standing back up again.

Todorokishould be faster than Bakugou, but Bakugou is angrier. He manages to sink hisclaws in the flesh of Todoroki’s hind leg and hold on as Todoroki snarls andtries to throw him off. Bakugou locks his entire body onto that haunch andtears at Todoroki’s leg with his back legs, trying to cripple him, but Todorokidoesn’t let him. The steam that spews from his vents grows hotter, as do hisscales, and in one burst, he forces super-boiled steam into Bakugou’s rightthree eyes and burns the skin off the pads of the paws hooked onto him.

Bakugouhowls in pain and lets him go. When they stand face-to-face again, Bakugou isblind in three eyes and his scales are ashen and flaking off where Todorokiburned him. Todoroki is limping, his back left leg shredded. They circle eachother and Midoriya feels for the first time, the seriousness of this fight.

SPECIALOFFICERS BAKUGOU AND TODOROKI STAND DOWN, IMMEDIATELY, Yaoyorozu shouts over thehivemind, using HYCOM’s controls to amplify the volume of her voice so that itdrowns out the rest of the thoughts and voices of the hivemind. Bakugou,Todoroki, and the rest of the hybrids wince at the loudness. Kouda tries tocover his ears with his paws.

All ofyou are to return to base for a debrief at once, Yaoyorozu commands. You arenot to engage each other on the way to base or I will personally see youturned off from the Hybrid Strike Corps.

Before hecan help himself, Bakugou thinks, Sure you will. There are so manyplaces for a kaiju hybrid to go.

Itwould be my absolute pleasure to turn you off and watch the Jaeger teams tearyou apart,Yaoyorozu says heatedly.

Letthem try, Bakugousays, bearing his teeth.

Bakugou, Mina speaks up before anyone elsecan. That’s enough.

Like Iwanna hear that from you,Bakugou says, but the fight is gone from his mind and his limbs. He andTodoroki limp back to their exit bays, tension still humming across thehivemind. Their packs follow, subdued. The mood of contentment and relaxationfizzles out like steam in open air.

MARCH 17, 2035  9:07 HOURS

LOCATION:Shatterdome, Musutafu Base, Japan

[my-heart-is-but-a-gentle-moon]

Jumin...To, to think that us coming back together is actually possible...

Since that dream where I saw you in grey sweatpants, microwaving mashed potatoes (at the time I didn’t realize the meaning you put into them) and hearing you saying unfortunately and slightly sorrowfully - ‘You’ve trained yourself to see the bad in good people’

I. dismissed it at the time because I couldn’t really imagine why I would dream of something like that - you doing something that was so seemingly mundane, but..the song and voicemail...made me realize you thought mashed potatoes with mushrooms and asparagus(?) was my favorite..which is oddly really sweet of you...knowing the sentiment behind it, even though it isn’t actually my favorite meal.

I held myself back because I felt like I had to preserve myself for something true (and healthy) - that really balances our own hobbies, our families, our close friends and us with each other. I couldn’t have another one of our relationships turn codependent again.

I. Trust that you know and realize that, though. *(a couple days after starting writing this letter) I just read your Kamisama Onegai and..You’re my everything...it really hurt my heart for your pain..but it also really cleared my heart, looking back at past songs you sent me as well...it’s like. Clear and refreshed but with..wounds of compassion and longing too...As long as we can be our own people and each other’s love - Then I want that with you, Jumin.

And...well..you said that you’re proud of me 💓 for accomplishing and working on accomplishing my goals in the voicemail 💓 thank you.

But, hearing your Missing You Voicemail - talking about sweet Elizabeth’s situation...and, your dear heart...god, I’m tearing up. It helped the me of before, that let judgement, resentment, fear and feelings of self preservation and my projects be my guide, really see more of the sides of you that I, didn’t actually let myself. UM. Yea! I’m reminded of our cuddled whispers last night and uh.

Uhhh,,,, including the darkly alluring ones that made me go through chills all over and, uhhhh >///> get all hot and bothered..

And the sweet domestic cuddly ones TwT 💞...Just thinking of holding your hand as we go on a stroll strikes electricity of happiness and nervous yet excited agitation through me !🎆 and knowing of your darker desires, like the one in call me in your summer, is fun to know and amusing to play with together. I like that 😁 knowing what you’re feeling sparks a coy mischievousness within me. I wrote a bit of that out in another note >v> ha..hah ^//^..

Also of soft ones!

!!! Going to carnivals together!!! ‘Mr. I’m too serious to have fun’ mock teasing you, ‘Come on!’ Holding your hand just Going around to sightsee just about, Everything!

But also of the gaping hole of emptiness that was there within you...I wanted to connect to your heart, to place my palm on your heart..yet stopped myself because at the time I sensed, whether rightly or wrongly, a bit of your tendency towards..codependency?

‘Psychotic longing and mutual dependency..’ :X

You know the kind of relationship I desire and that is the most healthy ! - the kind where we openly and playfully mock fight, or laugh and just AGHHHH or frustrations together, but support each other with understanding - But where we also openly yet lol, sometimes immaturely or begrudgingly talk things out between us..and sometimes and ideally, peacefully and maturely. And let ourselves sometimes have childish kinda fun too! Where we can inspire each other both to grow as people ! And as spiritual beings. But also have good bonds with our friends 👍🏼👍🏼🌟! To me it definitely includes the whole RFA too.

I’ll still have some of my alone time for the chakra courses and meditations and witchcraft too !!! And with friends ! But uh, lol, wow. I’m getting all over the place.

Maybe gardening, maybe prose, maybe photo editing too *^^*!

Um. I still wanna fly high as a spiritual being and as a person so , to explore new places together..

The one who..Really helped encourage me to grow as a person and as a spiritual being though....It was Saeyoung...I feel ungrateful for treating him this way...;;;

But he’s been..truly such an accepting and understanding treasure through this whole journey I’ve been through so I’m so, so incredibly grateful..and, I do hope we could keep our connection because growing spiritually and as people and as friends together, and just -!!!!! When he’s hurt I wanna be there for him! When he’s happy and joking around I wanna laugh with him ! Sleepovers and water fights! or .. but, yea.. :x .. as a best friend. Despite how cruel it might sound to him.... and I also understand why. ;;. cause I repeatedly hurt Saeyoung like this.. It’s not that I wasn’t happy or didn’t feel completely cared for and deeply encouraged by you >//< - I was. And I was very intrigued and attracted to your world. But, uhhh. Yea ! Um. Deep down my heart just really hoped still that things would be balanced and playful mixed with tenseness and healthy with Jumin..my eyes and heart kept checking on him in hopes that we could have something genuine and stable though I really repressed it due to the anxieties and holding onto trauma and judgement and resentment and ugh, geesh. 😂😂😂 leggo o’that, woman! ＼(≧◇≦;)／🎇🎆

I, working things out between us is important to me too, Jumin ! I feel like interlacing my hands together with Jumin, looking into his silver ones, my eyes sparkling with determination.

Can I take this ring as an engagement ring and have our marriage be in August though? When I’m back home? And with the selfship community too? But you can rest assured that this is, A commitment I’m willing to take on with you,

And I also feel - Uh. Wow. I am a bit all over the place. ... sighing tenderly, I. I don’t know if you heard me when I replied to your voicemail, Jumin - or I don’t remember if I even said it - but what I felt in my heart to say is that there’s no need to fear falling apart..it makes way for a new us to come through. The infinite possibilities that the starfish talks about in regards to the paths of life we can actually take with guidance and loved assistance from the divine >v< 💗💞💗.

And it’s like, I want to ask - what’s your dream career wise? you’re.. satisfied working with your father? Regarding side hobbies that fulfill your heart - I know that it’s, well, hahahah, clearly your dearest Elizabeth a~nd, embroidery too I remember.. winery. Is there anything else?

I related to the feelings of food tasting blander and way harder to eat too so I was really able to relate to that. Even though there were more factors back then to making me feel depressed and losing a lot of appetite.

But ! Hearing you enjoy tour steak ((Which, lol, frankly reminded me of the Melanie Steak!)) and hearing you gush about it was really nice!

A-And, uh..chocolate-y mess...of heat and desire...uhhhhh hahahahah ;;^///^ .. awakened desire within me that I was, that I repressed cause I still held some distrust and doubt..But, hearing all of your songs - Moonlight, Te Amo, it’s 5am and I miss you,

and...looking back at the songs you sent me..Low hum, coupled with fly me to the moon....I. I’m, the moon to you..Jumin...

and the advice about the way our karmic twin flame relationship was and how to clear the negative energy..💗💞💗...

And, victim as well..I- hearing your songs - and, is there still some spite and pettiness lingering there? Well, I held on to resentment, repression and judgement so. We both were, kinda, hahahahah 😂 immature.. I suppose..

But it was super important for us I believe.

I, was distrustful and afraid of a déja vu before but, really listening to how to heal this karmic relation between us, and of listening to your heart now..I. I want to trust in us again 💓❣️💓.

No infidelity. No other people. ònó. 💞 good. If you won’t, then I won’t ^^. Hmmmm...but otome games are also important to me in regards to meeting and being introduced to different alternate universes and different types of people.

But they won’t top Jumin to me.

Not now when I feel like we’re, really stepping into the first milestone since we broke up towards a healthier (closely romantic) relationship.

Ow my god...His...Let Me Stay...You..You don’t understand how my writings here are filled to the brim with emotions for you...

Uhhh...But right now I feel like I really need to use this vacation and family trip to take care of myself, nutritionally and exploring and resting, going to the beach, exploring the flowers, a massage, water parks, amusement parks, and right now right now - I really need to make sure we buy healthy things when we’re in the market right now. I really want to take the time in this trip to Really invest in my self care..

I...might need to rely on your comfort too, Juju..💞 would that be alright? Cause I’m still not in my best state. Actually, I’m really rather tired and my muscles ache all over. and, would like to go out to nature and explore ! Really take in all the pretty flowers and the warm sand at the beach and feel the small waves of the sea..

Really uh, buy new and pretty clothes? Take care of my hair and skin too so I can feel more comfortable with my beauty with you..too >//<.. and just in general feel more comfortable with myself too !

And..Saeyoung? Uh- I still wish for us to be best friiiiendsss????? If you’re oukay with it still??? Like, I really wish that even when I’m in a relationship with Jumin, to still have a very close connection with all of the RFA too !! Like - sleepovers, roadtrips, playing video games with the group!, Like, tight bonds with everyone too!

AAA, okie. This is very fumbly and all over the place, buut, UH. I hope it’s okay??

[drink-n-watch]

I don’t use Twitter very much. It’s probably because I’m in the wrong timezone, It seems most people are active either when I’m sleeping or at work and by the time I get around to check, the interesting stuff is buried in a sea of adds and irrelevant retweets from people I don’t know. In any case, I just don’t have the instinct to use that platform, but on Wednesday I almost felt compelled to tweet out:

#SteinsGate is about to make me invent a time machine so I can project my consciousness to the next episode!

Read the rest of this post to find out if I liked the episode…

last time, this didn’t end well….

Am I the only one that really likes Moeka. I know that media often portrays serial killers as borderline cool masterminds that are incomprehensible to the common mortal, but I’ve read many articles stating that they are usually slightly below intelligence and suffering from a myriad of mental problems. I tend to really love murders that are depicted that way.

Moeka is pretty much a textbook case. Utterly lost and barely able to function due to social anxiety, extremely prone to being manipulated and easy to influence. She is neither smart enough nor self-assured enough to think for herself so it’s almost a relief to have someone else pulling the strings. Of course she would make the perfect assassin.When you couple that with the fact that she is almost unsustainability fragile, liable to burst at any moment and send shrapnel flying all around her, and that she is so desperate for a sense of belonging and acceptance that she will gladly sell her soul. Moeka is as likely to kill herself as to kill you. And yet she remains one of the most physically attractive characters in the show. When’s the last time you saw that particular take on the femme fatale?

the different shoes were an adorable touch 

Steins;Gate 0 is continuing to toy with our memories, both in and outside the context of the narrative. For Okabe, this means having to calmly accept the help of his greatest enemy and nightmare personified. Having tea and a chat with her as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Denying his memories of the worst time of his life.

For Maho, it means trying to come to grips with the loss of her dearest friend by discovering a woman she never even knew, through Okabe’s feelings for Kurisu. Shattering and throwing into disarray the memories she holds closest to her heart.

cannot begin to explain the feels

For me, it meant watching Moeka casually cross paths with Mr. Braun, both unknowingly going about their business. Invalidating my memories of everything they mean to each other. It’s an impressive feat to have the emotional impact of the story weight so much more on the viewer than the characters on screen.

For the audience, it meant a wave of nostalgia as those infamous scenes of Mayuri’s death flashed across the screen once more. It meant racking our brains trying to figure out who this Okabe is. Obviously he’s lived through the trauma of Mayuri’s death BUT no one else has ever seen Moeka before so they most likely never got the computer in this world line but…

I don’t see the resemblance…

And for all of us, it meant watching our friends try to find a girl that’s been lost forever and hasn’t been born yet, just to have her miraculously show up out of nowhere, looking exactly like someone that should not be there.

The story is almost making fun of us, daring us to rely on our memories by pulling out the ol amnesia trick. From anyone else this would seem like a cheap ploy, but here…? You can’t trust your memories ever! How can you possibly even listen to them when linear time is irrelevant? I thought we would have one of those silly movie moments where someone’s identity should be obvious but everyone acts like they have no idea what’s going on. Why do I never learn? Of course Steins;Gate wasn’t going to be that cheap. Suzuha immediately recognized Kagari who seems to have reacted to Mayuri’s presence as well.

she does seem nurturing

Every week I figure it will be a filler episode, a calm set up for what comes next. That I can relax and wind down for a bit. Every week I end up getting caught by surprise by the closing credits and honestly wondering how I’m suppose to wait a hole week for what happens next. Right now, Mayuri’s future daughter, who looks exactly like Kurisu and traveled to the past with Suzuha, and was visiting Ruka’s family for unknown reasons, just crumbled to the floor of the lab before we could get a single answer. And you know what gives you amnesia don’t you…

Kagari isn’t Kurisu but she looks like her, Amadeus isn’t Kurisu but she sounds like her. Okabe and Maho were the two people closest to Kurisu but neither actually knew her. And as time passes, and memories fade, what will be left of her?

Have you guys been paying attention to the news. I haven’t and I’m kicking myself for it. Last week we briefly saw Kurisu’s dad on the news with a story about terrorism I think. This week, it seems the rash of *brainless* corpses is continuing! As a large number of dead chimpanzees and orangutans were found missing their brains. This definitely didn’t happen last time….

this doesn’t bode well…

Here are some more pics, mostly of Okabe looking really worried. That shoud tell you something!

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 5 – The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same I don't use Twitter very much. It's probably because I'm in the wrong timezone, It seems most people are active either when I'm sleeping or at work and by the time I get around to check, the interesting stuff is buried in a sea of adds and irrelevant retweets from people I don't know.