#just realized.... the anon might have the long post tag blocked so....

[hetalia-club]

I'm not normally one to rant or anything but here goes.

I hesitate to tag this. but I feel it needs to be said, in fact I feel it HAS to be said or I think this fandom is just going to be done for within the next 5 or so years. People need to read this and understand what is happening within the fandom and not continue this behavior or turn a blind eye to it.

This fandom has a SERIOUS problem. I don't say that lightly either. I feel like 99% of this fandom are sweet and caring people. but we have that 1%.

This 1% is killing the community in this fandom. How is it okay to message someone, demand they make a statement on THEIR blog and when they say they don't want to talk about it you then tell them you wish they would die a horrible death?

TW for suicide and SA! (you have been warned) Long rant below. (preempted note to let everyone know that I am fine, I am not posting this for people to feel bad for me. I am using my own experiences as examples, but this is not a 'me' issue this is a fandom issue)

Why is that so normalized here? The vague blogging and the call to arms people in this fandom do is actually disgusting. Picking one person and just beating them down until they eventually leave the fandom and at the SAME people will be like. "Why is the Hetalia fandom so small?" Who wants to be in a fandom where making one statement that's not even bad could get you death threats?

I don't think the fandom realizes how hurtful what they say can be. Sure you might not have liked a post someone made because you disagreed. Well then scroll down, hit the block button and carry on with your life. Why do some of you feel it is acceptable behavior to make mass posts calling out someone or going into their inbox to tell them you wish they would kill themselves?

I say I don't like Spamano and people say they want me dead. I say I don't want to talk about IRL politics on my parody Hetalia blog and my life and entire country is threatened.

I say we shouldn't insert our ships into everyone's lives and let people ship what they want and not feel forced to appease you. and you guessed it people wish terrible things onto me and my body.

I feel the only way this behavior will change is if we start calling it out more. I know it will feel repetitive but I think ignoring it is only making it worse at this point.

I know a lot of people would read this and think "If you don't like it then leave the fandom" well YOU'RE the issue. This is not normal behavior. These are not actions of someone who is mentality well. Why should I leave a fandom I've been in for 10 years because some idiot cannot handle that I don't like shipping characters together? How is that impacting their life at all?

a few months ago I made a post and it was highjacked and someone totally just took it over and added their own thing onto it talking about SA. Totally out of left field not related to what I posted at all. I simply messaged them and asked them if they could please remove the comment as I am a survivor of SA and it don't think it was funny or appropriate to add onto my post and they just said. "No I can say anything I want to. I was talking about Hetalia so it's fine." like what do you mean no!? Who responds that way? What a normal considerate person would do is say "I'm sorry of course! I can just go make my own post." but no they just left it there. It's still there, won't say which post or who it was because it doesn't matter anymore.

But this is the kind of behavior I'm talking about. This weird entitlement of everyone being so defensive and angry all the time. Just wanting to pick a fight over nothing. You never know if simply saying something like (Example) "I don't really like Austria" Could land you 100 anons all saying they wanted you to off yourself. It's like a game of Russian roulette. It's a very stressful environment for a big creator to be in. All it really takes is the wrong person to see a post you made and disagreed with and all of a sudden they are making posts about you without mentioning your name but are CLEARLY about you saying "This person hates all Austrians, they are a neo-nazi and we should all block them and send them hate and also let's just reword what they said to make it sound 100x worse because people won't read the original post and they will just believe us." Who would want to be a creator in an environment like that?

would you believe me if I told you I still to this day am getting someone in my inbox calling for my r*pe because of the stupid fucking beauty pageant poll I did? Is that not insanity? Who is that person? Wtf is their life? I personally could not imagine sending hate to anyone for any reason, and if I did it would be off of anon and I would say it with my chest. Because in order for someone to push it that far they would have to saying some absolutely terrible stuff to make me take time from my day and life to give them negative energy.

The fandom is shrinking because of the 1% driving them away. They come after artists who draw a character in a way they don't like. They come after writers for depicting a character in a way they disagree with. They go after shippers for portraying their ship 'wrong'. They will comment on people's fun little head canons and just leave the rudest most unnecessary comments thinks like "He wouldn't do that" like okay?? Thanks for your insert betty sue. And it's always when you were never trying to set someone off is when they lose their minds. They do not understand even if a blog is big and has a lot of followers it is still THAT creators blog. they are a person not an identity who just churns out content for just you and they have to say and do whatever you want.

Another thing the 1% like to do on here is they will wait for you to say something and then they will jump to attack a person who does the thing you said you dislike and they will tell that person "blog name XYZ said you are a horrible person and I agree kill yourself" That one is a near direct quote I got not too long ago. I got several like that and actually had to message said creator and say "Why are you mad at me?" and they were completely confused, had no idea how they decided to attack me because of what they said. When I tell you that the 1% are sitting there frothing at the mouth wanting to send hate and death threats I mean that 100%

It's not JUST me either. All creators in the Hetalia fandom I'm sure could tell you about upsetting hate they received and had no idea what they even did or said wrong. I have spoken to former Hetalia blogs ones who I used to call my pals before I went on my hiatus and came back. They all said they left not because they started hating Hetalia but they left for their mental health because the 1% got too bold and unchecked. This was never an issue before quarantine. I know it brought a lot of new fans and that's great! But I also feel along with bringing in some wonderful people it brought in some really dark minded people as well. Saying "Just disable anons and move on" is also not a solution. these people are still here and if they're not bothering me or you they are tormenting someone else because that's what these people do. That 'someone else' may only need the tiniest nudge at the edge and they may just actually hurt themselves. You don't know people. You don't know what everyone is going through. You don't know what someone's life is like outside of here.

PLEASE Please! stop telling people to kill themselves. Stop telling people to go get R**ed in a gutter. Get some help talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted teacher, a life coach, your parents, your sibling. anyone! And if you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to you can message me and we can talk about what you're going through. I'm sure any other Hetalian on here would say the same thing. Bloggers are real people.

International suicide hotlines

Website to help you find a therapist in your own country and in your price range

I know I will more than likely get hate for posting this. Which is upsetting to just know is going to happen but someone needs to say this because it's getting kind of out of control these last couple months I feel.

if you read this through reblog it, spread it around let the people who NEED to see it see it.

[strangefellows]

Hello! This will be my pinned post because it's about time I made one.

I am Kitty/strangefellows/apparently The Ayin Guy(tm), and though I am a multifandom blog (my tags page is long defunct but i will update it eventually with working links for fandoms and characters at some point/eventually) it seems as though my claim to fame is quickly becoming that I am the #1 Dante-is-Ayin limbus company truther and I will sit upon this hill until Kim Jihoon himself tells me I am wrong in big neon letters.

So this pinned is a quick go-to link grouping for my major important things you might want to check out from me!

THE BIG ONE. Here is my 100+ page and counting Dante-is-Ayin theory gDoc, updated every time we get any kind of story content so keep checking back regularly!

Here (click me!) and here (also click me!) are short essays I have written about Ayin himself and why I believe in this theory meta-wise, discussing a few different points I know fans have made against said theory.

Here, because I figure you all might need a little extra context (click me!) is a link to a fic I wrote posted on AO3 which while with the barest minimum of headcanon, is very much how I understood Ayin -- well, X , but also Ayin -- as a character in the course of my run through of LobCorp. Spot some unintentional Limbus foreshadowing with me! There's a sequel to it with some more Ayin characterization via LoR Realization stuff, but that's not as relevant given that's purely AU.

And if you would go into the tag #projmoonblogging you will see my animated discussion posts with anons on the topic -- you know who you are and I love you dearly -- and tangentially you are absolutely free to message me with questions and thoughts yourself! Just keep it polite, because though I'll gladly discuss with you if you disagree with me, I don't mind, if you're rude you will be ignored.

I have and will continue to occasionally answer asks in-character as Ayin, and I'm having great fun doing so -- if you'd like to read them all (or block the tag), you may refer to #committing to the ayin bit and it's all there!

(And while I'm here, if you like ProjMoon stuff, go read Simon R. Green's books, especially the Nightside series but genuinely anything he's written-- the vibes are Extremely similar, it's where my blog title and username comes from.)

[bapydemonprincess]

I’m 24 and I’ve been in this fandom since like 2010 . So not the entire time it’s been around but I was here for its main surge I feel like. And I won’t lie, when I was 10 and a majority of the fandom did ship sebaciel publicly and people made you feel weird for not shipping it, I definitely did engage with it. It was pushed on me as a 10 year old by a majority of the fandom, and I didn’t see anything wrong because I was younger than ciel/same age and I was like “yeah I think Sebastian is cute and I’m the same age as ciel so—“ BUT you know as I got older I’d say even by 14 I had the realization of how gross it was and how I didn’t actually ship it it was just that they were the two main characters in the fandom and that typically main characters are the ones who get shipped and that at that time in the fandom it was impossible to not be faced with ship stuff. And I was groomed by adults in the fandom on this very website. They knew my age and would send me smut and talk to me about myself and flirt and I honestly feel bad that I ever did engage with the ship. I didn’t know any better. But now as an adult when I do see sebaciel stuff I find myself questioning if they’re just young and if they’re going to grow out of it too and I wonder if maybe they’re also having it pushed on them by older fans like I was. I find it concerning because i know what it did to myself and what kind of situations I was put in because of it. I try to avoid the adult ones because unfortunately I think if they haven’t grown out of it and realized the implications of the ship and how it does affect real life I don’t know that they ever will. I hate that this fandom has such a bad label on it. Every person I mention it to is like— “oh the pedophile demon anime?” And it just sickens me. Idk this is kind of just a rant and I wanted to offer my thoughts as someone who has been in the fandom a long time and as someone who was in the fandom as a child even. I’m sorry if this is weird ask to send but I see you posting content about it sometimes and it made me feel safe to share my thoughts

Well I am not personally good at answering these types of asks but I am glad you felt safe to send this to me, specifically, and get it off your chest, it's all good!! 💖 And glad to know you came to realize how bad the ship was at one point, I'm always happy to see that happen once in a while in kuro, because there are so many folks around my age refusing to accept the truth and doubling down on proshipping, and also I notice very recently too trying to cause problems on purpose for antis in their spaces. 😒 It's getting hard out there since the new anime came out, and a lot of those types have attempted to return.. likely from twitter where they ran off to last time they were booted (some quite literally banned hmm I wonder why) from tumblr.

And the worst WORST part knowing proshippers around my age is knowing.. remembering.. the very beginnings of kuro, seeing the early fics on ao3 by those guys, who really started it all, knowing somewhere they're still out there.. some even maybe with kids of their own WHO KNOWS... Ugh.

And I hope new fans, no matter their age really, make sure to be careful esp on here in the main kuro tag, for these proshippers have been constantly- AND VERY BLATANTLY I MIGHT ADD -trying to advertise their blogs and discords as safe spaces for interacting... CLEARLY trying to start/continue the process of grooming that is so well known in fandoms like kuro at this point.

Overall just use block on tumblr recreationally, it's free real estate ✨, stay safe in general, and again don't be afraid whether on fellow anti blogs like mine send messages or if you feel more comfortable make posts of your own on your own blog expressing how you feel, getting it out of your system.

Hope my response was okay (I say because I'm at work at also health-wise a bit out of it so sorry grbhjfkugu) and hope you, anon are currently doing okay now!! Thank you again for sharing your personal experience!!

[anantaru]

Hi! Long time lurker here with some words of wisdom if you will. Gonna apologize in advance if it's too cutthroat, but know it's not directed at you with malice.

It's not your responsibility to cater to every person on the internet. It's not your responsibility to curate an image that makes other people accept you. All you can do is be yourself (whether that be actually you or your internet persona if you have one) to the best of your abilities. At the end of the day, who gives a fuck if someone is triggered by some offhanded comment? You kinda just have to think, "Sorry you experienced some unpleasant things, but I don't know you or your history."

Not your monkey, not your circus.

The issue with the internet today is that too many people are so fucking sensitive about context and self-imposed perceptions. Too many people have a victim complex with a snowflake mentality and it makes me want to blow my brains out everytime someone has a freaking melt down over something so little and once again self-perceived. To be honest, you shouldn't even have to apologize, but it's kind that you did.

From this moment onwards, I want you and anyone else who may read this to remember that it's literally not your responsibility to make anyone comfortable on your little corner of the internet. It's yours, post whatever the fuck you want. Anyone who attacks you is just a fuckin loser who can't cope with navigating life like an adult, or staying in a kids place if they're a minor.

I'm tired of seeing all this unnecessary discourse like we're a bunch of highschoolers or even worse, middle schoolers, jesus fucking christ. On that note, I hope you feel better, I'll be rooting for you from now until you decide to leave. Thanks for all of your hard work, and try not to let the bullshit bother you so much.

hello! 💕 i wasn't planning on answering any asks regarding this situation anymore but this ask really woke me up. i for one, totally agree with you and i have always had this mindset as well, like there's been plenty of times where i would scroll through social media and something would catch me off guard or even trigger me (which happens so rarely), but honestly guys, i don't care when this happens lmao, i just kept scrolling and forget about it in two minutes like i have so much on my mind in real life with my profession, i do not need something online to force itself into my peace and it's the internet, you will stumble upon something that might upset you.

I believe if you are on any social media site, you cannot expect everything to go according to plan, even considering you take the necessary steps and block certain tags (for example on tumblr) it can very much happen that you will still be exposed to it. at some point you have to realize that this world is not accustomed to you, nothing is, wether in real life nor online, you have to accept that there will always be different views and opinions that will piss you off or not align with you, make you mad or sad, but what you should never do in this situation is send hate or make it seem like a person is this awful individual.

you are not a good person if you bully people, and even if you show us all the awful things you had to go through in your real life, it is not an apology to bully people and you can attempt to make us feel bad, but i don't have sympathy for bullies, even if you were bullied yourself, especially then you should know how it feels like.

again anon, thank you so much! 💕 i was really questioning on how to behave on this blog anymore, it's a huge blog and i have found it to be a little overwhelming, but then I remember that my readers are the sweetest people out there and I know I have the best little corner on the internet here, with them by my side 💕 you really brought me back to reality, thank you nonnie.

[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, that sometimes you try to talk yourself out of your feelings for a long time and then you talk to someone outside of the situation and they're like "what the fuck" and you're like OH okay I have a right to feel weird and bad and stressed out.

I guess it's easy to feel stupid because you actually are affected when people are actively trying to affect you, especially when it's something like writing on the internet, which is just... always going to get harassment. Like when I say I've gotten messages about how people like me should be euthanized in the past over tumblr posts. :')

So you're like "oh, random shitty people is just something that everyone deals with, I should shut up and stop being a baby about it" and then you actually show the messages you're getting to someone and they're like ???? what????

Like I shared my inbox with my hairstylist when we were chatting a few days ago, and he was like ???? This man is not in fandom, so when he saw the kind of shit I was getting over not liking a finale of a tv show, he was shocked. Which... was kind of gratifying. It made me feel less crazy. lmao

Kind of reminds me of when I wrote this really personal essay about disability a few years ago and it won a contest. The people running the contest gave me uhhh quite a bit of money and asked me to keep writing for their site for more money. Like when I tell you I was literally on IRL conference calls with these people asking me why I stopped writing for them.

And I was finally like "...well, there's this feature on your site where you can tag other users in your essays, and after I won people kept writing their own essays about how much I didn't deserve to win, about how "lucky" I was to have a sob story that was attractive to the judges, about how whiny I was, people questioning my disability, etc. And since they tagged me, this was filling my email inbox and it really stressed me out. But if you look at the actual comments on the story, you don't see any of that. So it was kind of invisible harassment."

And the rep was horrified. She had never even considered that someone might use the feature like that. She was like WE'LL INVESTIGATE THIS and I was like. sure, okay. But getting that taste of the spotlight was already enough to make me peace out for good, tbh. Even though I knew that a lot of it was just sour grapes because they wanted to win themselves, and I knew that a lot of what they were saying wasn't valid, the sheer force of the animosity against me was overwhelming.

Like... it's not a crime to have your feelings hurt when someone is actively trying to hurt your feelings. It's natural, I guess, even if you feel kind of stupid about it.

I guess it's kind of wild to me that we just take it for granted that anyone who speaks up is gonna get yelled at online. Any prominent writer or activist you see is probably getting daily cruelty, if not outright death threats. And you just -- you have to have such a certain temperament to deal with all that. And I don't have it. I get easily overwhelmed and stressed when people are mad at me and I know it's not ideal but it is who I am. I joke about it, but I really kind of do feel like a small nervous dog sometimes.

And I wonder, sometimes, how many great voices we never hear from because of this expectation of harassment. Someone says something, gets some shitty trolly comment, then goes back in their hole and never talks again. Or they see the way other people get treated and they never speak up in the first place.

idk, I don't mean to be a martyr about this and I'm sure other people are getting the kinds of messages I am but like. God, it is so weird and disheartening to realize that a few people have been sending you nasty messages for literally months when you block an anon from your inbox and you see what else disappears. There are people who are so mad at me that they've sent me angry messages for months. Because I don't have the same opinions they do about a tv show.

It kind of makes you want to never talk about anything ever again. :(

[nobodysdaydreams]

Are you Christian? hope that doesn't sound accusatory

Anon. I love you, but please know there is no possible way to drop into a stranger’s ask box anonymously demanding to know personal information (age, sex/gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, diagnoses, etc.) without sounding somewhat accusatory or at the very least a little nosey (because why do you need to know that), but reading your disclaimer did make me smile despite my apprehension regarding this inquiry, so I appreciate you adding that in.

This is also a weird one because I genuinely don’t know what answer you are hoping for or if you’re just curious and enjoy dropping into people’s inboxes to ask if they’ve heard the good word of Jesus Christ which I have to admit, is an interesting strategy though not one I’d recommend. I was gonna answer this anon with something like “what are you a cop?” Or “come back with warrant” (classic) but then upon reflection, realized I should probably clear some stuff up in case you are confused. So, uh, to answer the question, yes, I am, though that will require some explanation as religion is not really what this blog is for. This blog is where I dump my hyperfixations, rants about life, links to my fanfics, and maybe make a few friends along the way. Some of the media I engage with like Narnia happens to be Catholic/Christian, or have Christian themes, or be popular in Christian circles, but that’s more coincidental. This blog really has no clear organization at all, I just see stuff I like or personally identify with, reblog, and that’s that, so it’s mostly fandom content, but stuff on neurodivergence and disability slips in a lot because I identity with a lot of it and happen to know a fair amount about it, so it makes sense to have it on my blog from time to time.

Now, I believe you might be coming into my ask box to ask about this because I recently started following and reblogging a few posts from Christian content creators. The reason for that is ironically similar to the reason I got this blog in the first place. I had no one irl to talk about fandoms and hyperfixations with, and people didn’t want me talking about them irl, so I came here to do that, met a lot of nice people, we rant about fandoms together, it’s a good time. Currently, I’m not around people irl who are Christian, so I’ve started coming here for that too, and it’s worked out pretty great. Met some nice people, talked about headcanons and such, found a few neurodivergent Christians and the intersectionality is nice, mostly good stuff.

The one issue I ran into was that a good number of my established followers and mutuals have religious trauma or don’t like religion very much, so to be sensitive to that, I tag every reblog of a religious post “tw religion” or “tw religion mention” so that they know to block the tags if they don’t wanna see it, and then I save my long rants on Christian headcanons and stuff like that for private DM’s and discord conversations with mutuals who are interested in that. It’s just something I do to try to be respectful and acknowledge that while this is something that’s brought a lot of joy and positivity in my life, not everyone has experienced it that way, and they might not want to see that on their dash, and it can be genuinely triggering for people.

But while this seemed like a good idea at the time, I now realize why you probably feel the need to ask about my religious background, which is why I feel obligated to answer your question. Because… most people who reblog posts with “tw religion” have something to say against it, but people who like religion will just reblog the post. Which I now realize, upon reflection, leads to a lot of Christian creators getting notifications like “uh oh! Someone reblogged your art with the hashtag “tw religion” wonder what rant they have against you” and then they check and it’s just me going “wow nice art, Happy Easter and God Bless You, you’re incredibly talented 🥰, and also TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CONTENT!” and on the flip side it’s also probably weird for everyone who sees the hashtag “tw religion” and is like “haha…nice. A rant against faith. I gotta see this!” only to click on the post and see some really well drawn art of Jesus and the children with a ton of positivity. So um… sorry for confusion?

To make a long story short, yes, I’m Christian, but this blog is mostly fandom content, that’s why I created it and that’s what I’m here for. I do incorporate a lot of Christian themes in my fic writing just like I incorporate elements of my neurodivergence into my writing as well, but my writing is not explicitly Christian, anyone can enjoy it. You’re allowed to like things by different groups that you are not part of while still not completely agreeing with everything that particular group believes. I promise it’s okay, that’s how humans work, none of us will ever think completely alike, but we can still enjoy each other’s stuff sometimes. I promise the world won’t end because you liked a fanfic where I wrote Nicholas’ speech to Martina about forgiveness and how she’s still a good person to parallel God’s mercy and love for us, you can still like it and like the message while not agreeing with my idea of who God is or that there even is a God at all. Most if not all the characters in Wolf 359 are atheists, and I still enjoy the podcast (though I will note before people come in my comments about this, yes, there is obviously some nuance to this atheism as canonically Minkowski is culturally Christian, Doug kinda knows the our father and probably got dragged to church on Christmas/his birthday and Easter at some point, Daniel Jacobi’s name has Jewish origins so the character likely has some Jewish background, Maxwell is ex-evangelical, Hera strikes me as spiritual but not religious, Cutter and Pryce are atheists who left religion but kept all the toxic parts so they could make themselves gods, and this last one actually has no canon evidence whatsoever, but I firmly believe that Kepler is specifically agnostic not atheist, and he goes out of his way to emphasize this by saying stuff like “due to the limits of the human mind, we can never really know the truth about the big picture” or something like that, but I know he has a speech about it. No disrespect to my agnostic followers, but unfortunately I think Kepler would do this).

That tangent aside, I will end by saying this. I have all sorts of people following this blog: Christians, atheists, people of other faiths, members of the LGBTQ+ community, neurodivergent folks, BIPOC, and more, and they followed me for my unhinged rants and fandom content. They didn’t come here to have their identities and beliefs bashed, and due to the fandoms I am in, many of them are also minors. And I am so, so, scared about what my reply to this anon might bring to this blog, no matter the answer, so let me be very clear: if you use this post, or any of my posts, to spread hate and negatively towards anybody, you’re blocked. I have already done this a few times when I’ve seen it around tumblr. If you think it was a mistake, let me know, but I’m not exposing my young followers to that. That’s not gonna help anybody, and there are so many better things you could be doing with your time.

With that said, if the tagging system is not working out, and you’d prefer I put the religious stuff on a side blog my non-Christian followers can block while still enjoying my usual content on the main, I can do that too. Whatever makes it easier for y’all.

*this would be a bummer, because I just hit an even 200, which is tricky to do when all you got is two of the tiniest fandoms alive and not much else. But look after yourself, I wish you well, and I’ll get over it.

[turbo-virgins]

Last night I received the following concerning anonymous message:

When I first read it I was immediately suspicious and thought this was a malicious attempt to start in-fighting while everyone is on edge over the sock-puppet oc-stealing individual that has been hovering around the fc5 community for some time now. However, at least one mutual I have in common with the blog named in the anon has since blocked me, which leads me to believe that the message above might be true and I am being accused of plagiarism. I have left that blog name covered up in case this is all some huge misunderstanding.

In the midst of these accusations, no one (aside from the anon) has reached out to make me aware of the situation or even what I am being accused of plagiarizing. I have reached out to the person who is supposedly accusing me to confirm whether or not they are actually accusing me, but have not yet received a response.

In the meantime I'm providing my limited perspective of the situation to (hopefully) clear the air.

When I first became active in the fc5 community on tumblr (about two years ago, I think?) I was mutuals with the redacted blog in the anonymous message. This person is a long-time prominent member in the community. Their oc and their deputy/john fanfic is well loved and very popular. Not too long after I joined the fandom I began writing my fic, Holy Roller which is a deputy/joseph fanfic centered around my oc, Delilah. It was inspired by a deputy/joseph fic on ao3 called To Build A Home (and I have an old message with a different mutual that I can dig up if requested in which I discuss the premise of that fic and how it inspired me).

In an attempt to be more active in the community, I started reading a few of my mutuals fanfic (including this person's fic). From time to time I would send asks/dms/leave tags in WIP posts leaving encouraging and positive feedback and just enjoying someone else's writing in general. I believe I only read up to chapter 3 or 4 of the fic of the person that is accusing me of plagiarism.

The only similar thing I am aware of between their fic and mine is that we both make allusions/references/allegories (whatever the correct term is) to the biblical book of judges and specifically within that book - the story of Samson and Delilah. When I realized that both of our ocs/other characters in the fic make a reference to Delilah, I remember sending them an ask about it because I thought their take on their oc being a stand-in for Delilah/Samson/some amalgamation of the two was neat. At the time I believe they referenced some biblical academic debate about several different accounts regarding Delilah - some in which she is painted as a victim rather than a seductress. If I recall correctly, they offered to send me a link to their reference material, but I don't remember if I ever got the link - all I know is that I never actually read through whatever reference they were using.

Shortly after this exchange (maybe a few days, maybe a week or two, I don't remember) this mutual blocked me (and I think I was blocked maybe a year and a half ago? I don’t remember; I don’t think I’ve interacted with this person in over a year though). At the time it did not occur to me that the Samson and Delilah references might be why they blocked me. I reached out to a mutual we had in common to see if I had done anything or reblogged anything that hurt or offended this person because whatever the issue was I wanted to apologize make it right. It is my understanding that this mutual we had in common asked this person directly and the reason I was given via a dm back from this mutual in common was "[they] are feeling Some Kind Of Way." I didn't know how to interpret that, so I assumed that by blocking me, this person was setting a boundary of some kind and didn't want me interacting with them. Since I thought they didn't want me interacting with their stuff, I didn't push the issue further and blocked them in return so that I wouldn't see their stuff cross my dash anymore. I also never read any further in their fic.

If I am correct about my assumptions and the accusations in question are regarding the Samson and Delilah references in both of our fics, I am not sure what to say other than it is a complete coincidence. I don't know how this person has been interpreting my own work, all I can offer is my own perspective and decisions I made about my oc, Delilah.

Below I have done my best to outline aspects of Delilah's character and my personal reasoning behind why she is the way she is:

When selecting Delilah's name I knew I wanted a biblical name since the fictional cult in fc5 is a christian-based cult. I briefly researched female biblical figures and I decided on Delilah because the name didn't strike me as super common and I wanted my oc to be a character who may be misunderstood and villainized by some but is still sympathetic - much like the biblical Delilah based on how you interpret/read into the biblical narrative. I believe the name Delilah also means "fragile" or "delicate." I liked the meaning behind her name because my oc is physically resilient which may at first glance seem at odds with her name, but she is emotionally and mentally very vulnerable which is NOT at odds with her name.

As far as physical appearance the closest thing Delilah has to a face-claim is Maya Hawk specifically from Stranger Things. I liked her hair style and some of the 80s-esque fashion she wears in some of her photoshoots. Delilah has kind of dark red hair and my line of thinking there was that Wrath = anger = red. In my fic, Delilah is at times an embodiment of Wrath much like the in-game fc5 deputy. In my writing she is frequently associated with the color red (to tie back into Wrath symbolism) while Joseph is associated with the color gold (based on a long character analysis post I wrote about his glasses a long time ago).

As previously stated, Delilah was intended to have some minor association made between her and the biblical figure. There is a scene early on in my fic where Delilah calls Joseph over the phone only for him to accuse her of being a spy attempting to get close to him and betray him which would (he says) ultimately lead to his downfall. I personally see Joseph as someone who projects himself and his experiences onto the biblical narrative and then uses that biblical narrative as evidence to justify his actions (sort of like an endless self re-enforcing confirmation bias feedback loop... thing). This is a pattern of behavior of his that is referenced in other places in my fic - specifically his in-game references to the book of revelation and then later in my fic to the book of job. It is my reasoning that, when Joseph encountered Delilah by chance at a bar, learned her name, and learned of her connection to the Hope County sheriff, that he was ready and willing to connect her to the biblical Delilah based both on their shared name and their specific circumstances. I believe that Joseph himself even hints at that in their dialogue.

The only other instance I can think of where my work sort of alludes to Samson and Delilah is a few hints and conversations where Delilah explains that she had a traumatic experience as a child where her hair was cut off against her will. Honestly the Samson and Delilah symbolism potential there is secondary to the fact that it was intended to reference my own childhood fears and insecurities. For reasons I won't get into, my hair has been a major part of my identity and how I present myself my whole life. There was a time where I did not have autonomy over my appearance and that manifested itself in this fear of having something so crucial to how I present myself taken away against my will.

This feeds into my next explanation: I have stated before that Delilah is not intended to be a self insert, however there are major aspects of her character and the way she is written that are pulled from my personal experiences. Her religious trauma, her toxic relationships with the maternal figures in her life, her self-doubt, her self-loathing, her deeply ingrained religious guilt, and the symptoms of her anxiety/panic attacks are all pulled from my own deeply personal life experiences. Delilah is a character who keeps everyone at arms length because she believes there is fundamentally something wrong with her - that her flaws are something to be covered up rather than accepted. And the point of her dynamic with Joseph in my fic was for her to find a source of unconditional love that she'd been craving, but to have that love come from someone incredibly fucked-up, dangerous, and manipulative.

As for how well I have executed these concepts - that is a matter of every reader's personal opinion and they have a right to that opinion. This fic I have been working on for approximately two years is the longest work I have ever written. I am inexperienced and still developing my style and skills as a writer. There are approximately four more chapters I have outlined before it will be complete.

I would like to reiterate that I have not yet received confirmation from the person supposedly accusing me on the specific details of what they think I plagiarized. The purpose of this post was to explain my thought process behind my oc and the plot of my fic - I wanted to demonstrate that there is real creative reasoning and intent behind my writing, that my interpretations of Joseph and my characterization of my oc Delilah are based on my own thoughts about fc5 canon material, and that any similarities between my work and someone else's is a coincidence and there is no malicious intent behind any fandom related content I've ever put out on my blog or on ao3.

If this is all a big misunderstanding, then I apologize and I would like to keep in place the boundaries that were set before I was ever made aware of any potential accusations.

[actual-changeling]

i've only been on tumblr for a few months and just discovered there's a thing called blacklisting.

i'm not trying to be controversial or negative but i'm pretty sure that i'm in your blacklist. i'm just guessing based on what i see or don't, but i've got a couple of questions, if you don't mind.

i realize it could be a hassle, but have you considered that especially for new accounts, the blackslisted account may not know that what they did so they will continue that behavior and pass it on to others? Not everyone is as savvy as you are. (if i'm right, i will never get the benefit of interacting with you and you will never get the benefit of interacting with me and i do have things to offer)

would you rather that i stop reblogging and liking your stuff? i don't have a big following, but i reblog because i thought that we have a responsibility to reblog and get posts seen (esp artists). currently i reblog you a lot because for the most part i agree and enjoy your posts.

i think you're a really interesting person and very talented wordsmith. i wish we had more interaction, but i respect that you don't care much for me. in another world, i wish we were friends.

Cheers

Look, I block people for a small number of reasons.

they post content that is triggering to me

they actively harassed me in some shape or form (this includes me blocking people via hateful anon asks, which works but does not show you who they were)

they harassed someone i care about

they are very present in a tag I frequent and their content actively dampens my enjoyment of that topic and/or their content is not triggering but still upsetting enough to warrant a block simply to keep my experience here fun

they're openly being bigoted about something and show no signs of changing their opinion

they are or very much look like a bot

That's it. It is, in my opinion, a very reasonable list, and even if it weren't and I were to block people because their blog is blue, it still wouldn't matter because I get to curate my space.

Now, I have two observations to make.

a) You were able to send me this ask. Tumblr requires people to have an account to send anon asks.

b) You can see and interact with my content.

This means that I have not blocked the account you're using, otherwise you'd not even be able to find my blog, tumblr would send you straight to an error page.

So whatever has brought you to the conclusion that I blocked you, I did not, at least not the account you're currently using. Furthermore, I have honestly no clue who you might be, so even if I had blocked you, i wouldn't even know what to look for.

As long as you're not being an asshole on my posts, in general, or in my inbox then I don't care whether you interact with my stuff, you're free to do so if you want to, I'm not gonna sieve through my notes and check every single person's blog.

My DMs are open, my inbox is open, people can talk to me, I actively give y'all those options. Sometimes I'm bad at responding because I have shit memory for like ten different reasons which means I forget everything constantly, but other than that there's no rules except don't be a dick.

[superlustersnew52]

I feel like I should just outright say it and be done with it so here goes

I've only really not talked about this openly because I know people don't like people posting about drama but if I'm getting anon hate over it fine then I'll just say my piece and be done with it

back when I first started up superlusters (side note: the "new52" came later when I moved it from sideblog to main blog), another person made a blog called "powerlusters;" my blog was all dc characters at that point so they made theirs all marvel

I did not know this person before this, but I went along with it for a while until their true colours started to show

I believe it was on that powerlusters (which briefly rebranded to partylusters) account that they posted a smut starter that used m.illie b.obby b.rown as a fc (mind you, this was around 7 years ago, and she is 20 years old currently), which got them mass reported and had their account terminated when others found that starter, I did not personally see this starter but a callout post made the rounds

they came back not too long later as schooloflust, I admittedly was too lenient on them and should've blocked them then and there but gave them a second chance

then there was the incident where they hopped into my messages (and at least one other person, who would publically call them out on it), wanting to do an rp wherein a spell was cast on their muse so everybody saw them as a child and they could not change out of childlike clothes (mind you, they intended for this to go sexual somehow!), and, at least with me, they really pushed for it and went "well what if we just did the clothes part" and didn't want to take no for an answer

seeing the other person call them out on this was what made me decide to finally block them

fast forward to when they remade schooloflust later on, and they followed me from the new account, and I swiftly blocked them again

they would still wind up on my timeline sometimes though so I can tell you they added a.ngourice r.ice as a fc soon after she turned 18 but used gifs basically exclusively from s.pider-man h.omecoming (she would've been 15 at the time of filming that), and added i.sabela m.erced as a fc like the week of her 18th birthday and again used old resources

at the same time as they ran schooloflust, they followed me from another account (I believe this was ofcherrybombs, but maybe with a c or x replacing a vowel there), no part of this blog looked similar to their other ones so I followed back and was immediately messaged about wanting to rp and was tagged in a starter before I even replied, this starter made me go "hey wait that feels familiar" and sure enough upon checking schooloflust the exact same starter was posted on there as an open starter, so I blocked again

fast forward a bit again and I'm followed by an account called tornvoid which again I come to realize is the same person (I believe it might have been ofvoid at first)

at this point I have become paranoid that any account that follows me might be them so admittedly I probably blocked some people that weren't them and most certainly stopped following people back nearly as often

fast forward to relatively recently, they have new blogs yet again and literally have muse ages listed as under 18 on their smut blog and post smut starters saying their muse is 16, so of course I have them blocked and reported them for trying to write sexual content about minors (which is not allowed on tumblr!) and upon vague posting about it the other day I can tell you one person popped into my private messages to say they were trying to pressure them into writing smut about 16 year olds

I have had this person blocked for ages, and yet I keep seeing them on my timeline though others, I'm done, if I see you interacting with them, you are getting blocked, I can't have this hanging over me any longer

I understand they keep making new blogs so it may not be the easiest to recognize them but I can tell you they pretty much always have an oc named brooke redmund portrayed by v.alorie c.urry on their blog so that should help you recognize them (not to mention that they like to have muses listed as 16 or 15-18 on their smut blog so that should hopefully earn a block anyways)

[thyming]

Not OG anon but I saw you tagged the post as ‘calorie counting’. Not sure if that was done before or after anon’s ask, but I would recommend anon (or anyone with similar triggers) block that tag in general. There’s no shame in it, especially if it helps you still follow the blogs you love while avoiding certain types of content. This goes for anything btw- I love my mutuals but I’ve had to block a few tags here and there when someone begins hyper-fixating on something I’d rather not have on my dash.

I know this might sound like common sense to many, but personally it took me a long time to realize that blocking doesn’t just have to be for people I hate. It’s just a tool to curate my internet experience. I can block things that I just don’t vibe with even if they’re not ‘bad’. Or I can block certain content if I love the rest of a blog but there’s a certain thing I don’t want to see (like in this case).

Just a suggestion to maybe help someone out. Hope it doesn’t come across as patronizing, but I didn’t realize I could just block whatever I wanted until someone gave me ‘permission’, and maybe some people need that too.

Sending lots of love and good vibes 💕

Hello, lovely soul! 🌷

YES, THIS!!!

It's absolutely fine to use the filters to avoid specific content, everyone deserves to feel comfortable. 🥹

I have some tags blocked myself, and it has helped a lot to improve my online experience. 🌱

Thank you so very much for your lovely ask, and for encouraging others to take actions to enjoy their time on here even more! 🌷

I am wishing you a day or night as wonderful as you are. ☁️

Lots of Love, Luna. 🌙

[gayloringinplainsight]

Genuine question after seeing your response to that other anon: how would you react if she came out as bi?

Also I almost agree with the other anon. I think the aggressive hetlors are worse, but I think all the points they made seemed reasonable. Mostly because any time I try asking another gaylor a good faith question about ‘what if some signs actually meant something slightly different, like she hasn’t been bearding she’s just been bi and dating both men and women’ I get screamed at like you screamed at the other anon.

I feel like Taylor is in an impossible position, because the biphobia I have seen from some gaylors is absolutely unreal and every bit as bad as the homophobia I’ve seen from hetlors. If she comes out as gay, the hetlors are furious. If she comes out as bi, the biphobic gaylors will say it’s a baby step toward a Real coming out without invalidating her whole narrative (aka not believing her), AND the hetlors would be pissed.

I don’t think she would call herself a friend of Dorothea if she were straight, so I’ll leave that option out.

Again. Not all gaylors as biphobic. But holy shit, some of the things I have seen (and blocked) in this tag. Or been told.

I think we have to write the hetlors off as a lost cause, but I want her to feel like gaylors will at least stick with her and believe her if it turns out she was bi for some or all of this time. I feel like I never see that in the tag, though. I’ve seen people saying it would be appropriative because she had Me out on lesbian visibility day, but… I’m Taylor’s age, and all WLW were ‘lesbians’ in middle school bathrooms. And lesbian has historically included bi women under the label, even if that’s changed in recent years. (When I was in college running the campus GSA, lesbian still included bi women)

Basically, this is a lot of dithering to say that I’m worried about Taylor. I’m worried she thinks we’ll leave if she’s not a gold star lesbian. I’m worried she doesn’t know that not all gaylors are biphobic assholes because I just…never saw that vitriol getting shut down by other gaylors. My blocklist is huge because of it.

I don’t know if she’s bi. She might be a lesbian who dated men before realizing. She might be a lesbian who was in comphet but not bearding relationships as she tried to make herself straight. She might be a lesbian who was still groomed by older men who convinced her they could change that. She might be a gold star lesbian. I don’t know! I can see the signals meaning any of those options tbh. Because she has to talk in code, we can’t be 100% about anything. And I’m worried that she thinks she’ll lose EVERYONE if she comes out as the wrong thing. Does that make sense?

Basically, I want to know what other gaylors would do if her identity matched her YNTCD hair dye. I try to keep up to date on the tag, but you know how tumblr is. I might have missed posts reassuring her that we would stay regardless. That we would believe her. Because all I’ve seen were posts about how there was no need to worry, gaylors would understand if she called herself bi to cover up her narrative, and we would know that ACTUALLY she was a lesbian all along, etc. (this was admittedly a long time ago and I blocked whoever said that)

Anyway. If you think even suggesting she could be bi is an insult, just… Don’t even bother replying. Block me instead. Sigh.

If she's bi then she's bi and that would be awesome. I'm not sure why you think I'd have a problem with that. I'm very careful in all my posts to refer to her as queer because we don't know her label.

I interact with a LOT of gaylors because I'm very active in the gaylor subreddit, and I don't know anyone who would have a problem with her being bi or would abandon her for it. Sure, some suspect she's a lesbian based on recent flagging but everyone acknowledges that we don't know for sure.

I must not be hanging out in the same gaylor spaces as you because I really haven't seen much biphobia. But maybe we have different definitions of it. It's not clear what exactly you're referring to so I'll say a couple things on the subject.

First, it's not biphobic to suspect she might be a lesbian. There's been a ton of lesbian flagging on eras. There's also been bi flagging and pan flagging throughout the years. Simply having an opinion on her label isn't in and of itself biphobic.

It's also not biphobic to think that her public relationships with men may have been PR. Now if she were a normal non-famous person who dated both men and women and someone claimed that the relationships with men were fake, that would absolutely be biphobic. But she's not a normal person. She works in an industry that famously employs and requires PR relationships. Even straight people have PR relationships. There's a great resource on the subreddit that talks about how to recognize PR relationships and why celebrities use them. Personally I'm fairly certain that all the public guys have been PR. I've also seen some compelling evidence that she may have dated men privately, e.g. Martin Johnson. So just because someone thinks that the public ones are PR doesn't mean that they think there's no way she could be bi.

Lastly, I didn't address this in the other anons ask but since you brought it up, I think the idea that if Taylor were to come out that that would also mean she's co-signing every single little theory that gaylors have is ridiculous. And the idea that this is what's keeping her from coming out is also ridiculous. So is the idea that some rando on Tumblr who wants her to be a lesbian is keeping her from coming out as bi. She'll come out when she's ready and I think the overwhelming majority of gaylors will celebrate whatever label she claims.

[leedongwook]

seeing the other anons on here, regarding the whole reblog vs. like debate on tumblr, is interesting to me. and i must say that i'm a bit amused by the fact that getting blocked apparently causes so much anxiety in people that they simply refuse to use tumblr as intended. i was anxious when i got my first anon hate or when i was first blocked by someone 10+ years ago when i was still a teenager myself, but i'm glad that i always understood that none of this was a me problem. haters be hating, trolls be trolling. there are millions of bored, dissatisfied people who come online just because they think it's funny to make other people angry. this is why getting blocked and blocking others is a daily occurrence for every normal blogger on here, just as it's normal to meet people in real life who simply do not and will never like you for reasons x, y, and z. it's par for the course, it's life, baby, but nothing you should take personally because, in the end, we're all strangers here and none of this determines your value as a human being!

also, blocking is one of the most important tools to curate (a) your dash, (b) the tags you frequent, and (c) the interactions others have with you. it's quite literally the most polite, respectful, no-drama way to ensure that you do not start unnecessary online fights that are nothing but a big waste of time. the most efficient way to ascertain that you do not expose yourself to people, blogs, and content that you know make you angry, sad, or anxious. blocking is not a hateful action (well, if can be, but i think we should appreciate silence and keeping a respectful distance to each other over open hostility, flaming, and cancel culture). blocking is the tool we use to prevent trolling, cyberbullying, arguing, and cognitive dissonance. and that goes both ways! if somebody blocked you, always assume they have a reason for it, even if it may an incredibly simple or vague one. there must be one. and that's okay, and probably good for both of you. if the other person knows that you two will not get along, then trust in that decision and move on with your life.

like, this is the internet, with millions of strangers (many of them very young, and many more of them simply stupid af) who have very strong opinions on the most banal things you could never dream of arguing about. the other anon said they received hate for reblogging things: welcome to the club! i do point to what i already said above and want to ask directly: did you know that you can block anons in your inbox? did you know that you can disable the anonymous option in your inbox or even disable the entire inbox if necessary? did you know that you can disable comments and reblogs on your posts and that you can curate who is allowed to hit you up via chat function? did you screenshot the anon hate and share it privately with a friend so you can make fun of it together, as god intended? i promise that handling hate and curating your user experience aproperly gets easier the more you use all the tools that tumblr offers you.

most importantly, did you eventually manage to externalize the problem (i.e., realize that the real problem is the person who sent you hate) instead of internalizing it (i.e., thinking that you are not allowed to reblog/post anything anymore because some stranger on the internet was being an immature baby in your inbox once)? the last bit is essential. you have to learn that your blog is your house, and you can decorate it however you want, as long as you follow common netiquette regarding tagging and such. other are allowed to block you if that helps them curate their dash, as much as you are allowed to block them if that helps you to curate your dash.

if those are the big reasons why so many users are only liking posts but never reblogging nowadays, then i'm honestly unsure if you (@ the other anon, but also everybody else who might potentially read this and relate) should be on tumblr of all places. being able to handle some cognitive dissonance while you are blogging, whether it's because of something you come across while scrolling through tumblr or something that is directed towards you specifically, is essential. this is not instagram or twitter or tiktok, where the algorithm allows you to consume passively (i.e. liking posts) while remaining in your comfortable echo chambers and still contributing meaningfully to creative work, communities, and fandoms (i.e. your likes actually affect the algorithm in favor of the content you liked, which equals more exposure, which can even be turned into real life money).

tumblr is a content-centric website that is about curating your person dashboard and filling your own personal blog while not relying on a like-based algorithm. ergo, reblogs are the only currency on tumblr that truly counts because they are the only action that actively leads to the circulation of other people's content and facilitates the discovery of new blogs and users that you can connect/interact with. yes, liking is a quick form of appreciation, and we all use the like button for a variety of reasons that are all important in their own right, but you do not contribute to the survival of fandoms, to the real validation of creatives' works in form of more exposure (because unlike insta, tiktok, and co., likes and exposure are not linked here), and to the circulation of content by only using the like button. that passivity is not an issue on algorithm-based social networking sites because they do have an algorithm, but it surely is a problem on tumblr.

just to be clear: liking is not forbidden or frowned-upon in a general sense. but on tumblr dot com, unlike many other social networking sites, it's meant to be a side hustle at most.

if anyone feels unprepared or anxious to handle the tumblr-specific environment that was created for blogging (i.e you are meant to contribute by actually filling your personal blog with content that you either made yourself or that you reblog from others), then idk why y'all are here, in all honesty. i must ask this: do you even know what a blog is? it certainly feels like a lot of people all came here with the expectation that this is twitter 2.0, but the reason we're here is specifically because this is the blogging website. the website specifically made for blogging. why do people come to the blogging website just to refuse to reblog or post their own content? if all you want to do is use the like button, why aren't you literally anywhere else except here? nobody forces you to be here if that's not the type of social media experience that you enjoy. if you do not want to use the main feature of tumblr, which is Having Your Own Blog, then simply use sites where you do not have your own blog and are not expected to use said blog. it's as simple as that! don't complain when bloggers point out that you're simply invading their blogging space with foreign ideas of how netiquette must look like – tumblr has never been like the more popular sites, and that is a deliberate choice and something we love and appreciate it for! do you all also create wordpress accounts and then complain about having to use wordpress like it's intended to be used? do you also go to the gym and then complain that you have to actually use the dumbbells yourself instead of letting somebody else do all the work for you? i highly doubt it.

it makes absolutely no sense that so many people come to a place that has a specific environment only to refuse to adapt to how it works, which is why i find this entire debate so silly. we have so many websites we can choose from, but people choose to stay on the blogging website to complain about blogs and reblogs to the bloggers who have been blogging for years and actually know what blogging means.

meanwhile, the solution is so very simple: you could, instead, move the any algorithm-driven websites and click on every like button in sight until you die of old age! only liking posts does simply not meet the rightful expectations of the bloggers on tumblr who share their hard work on here and ask for no other reward except exposure, which is the same thing that every creator online wants, be it on twitter or insta or tiktok! exposure which you can only grant them with reblogs, because Liking Does Not Do Anything On A Website Without An Algorithm.

this weird passivity shrinks exposure to laughable sizes (200 notes max on a gifset that took hours, and 80% of those notes are likes?!), destroys creatives' motivation to create and share their work in the future, and inevitably deteriorates entire online communities and fandoms. if everyone was unwilling to blog on tumblr, this website would be empty. zero posts. empty dash. then what? you wouldn't be pressing any like buttons at all if everybody brought this attitude to the blogging website that was created specifically for sharing content. google dictionary on "sharing": have a portion of (something) with another or others; use, occupy, or enjoy (something) jointly with another or others. you enjoying a meal alone in your room (liking posts and not reblogging) is not the same as putting the meal on the table (reblogging it to your blog) and enjoying it with others (followers seeing your reblogs on their dash).

it's stupid. imposing algorithm-rotted expectations on how tumblr is supposed to work even though (a) it is fundamentally different from other social media sites and (b) has no fucking algorithm is stupid.

tl;dr tumblr netiquette does not have to adapt to you; you are the ones who have to adapt to the tumblr netiquette. people who have been here for years are rightfully angry at you for not adhering to the easily understandable social contract between creators and consumers.

I’m just gonna leave this here ✌️

[deepestuniversallove]

Just a long vent about a specific niche fandom. Don't read if you don't want to hear me rant.

I just need to vent here for a little bit, and I am sorry if this i all incoherent.

I hate what fandom has become. What tumblr has become. What I have become.

I never used to be this way and never used to feel anger before, or jealousy or those 'ugly' feelings, as I was never allowed to. Being raised by a narcissist, you become a people pleaser and you learn quickly that you are never to show any negative emotions. Anger isn't permitted, disgust and unhappiness isn't permitted. As a good slave you don't need to have these emotions, so you learn to supress them to the point where you aren't ever feeling them consciously.

So all of this is so new to me. To actually f*cking hate the guts of some people on here. To fucking hate that they are so damn popular when all they do is shitposting and meme-ing the one that means so much to me to death. And even blocking them won't do a thing because tumblr still shows me their shit, or some fan is gushing about their stuff where I see it, and it just annoys the piss out of me. The tag I used to browse has been rendered useless to me here on tumblr. I long for the days when I was able to just see some nice art of him alone or serious discussions about him, like character analyses, or sharing obscure facts about him.

I don't even know why exactly it pisses me off so much - and I don't want to be the "Fun Police" here; everyone should still be able to do as they please and make whatever the fuck they want on their tumblr blogs, even if it is shitposting. Even if their stories don't make any logical sense at all.

I guess... I just wish Fandom wasn't so dumb with what ultimately are just headcanons. They are taking those stories as if they are canon when they are just fan creations, to the point where they harrass other creators who might come up with other things. For example, if you hate on Mewtwo x Newtwo because it would be "incest", then you are WRONG, because canonically, it was never proven that they were siblings. Canonically, there is no reason to think that Mew is the Mother who actually gave birth to Mewtwo (if you follow the movie-verse, that is. In the games, she did give birth to Mewtwo).

And sure, I realize that me criticising those fan creations is also taking headcanons way too seriously, but... I can't explain it entirely. I just want to be able to state my opinions. Be the one person that isn't always congratulating them on every creation, but also points out the flaws in their storytelling so that they, I dunno, may improve? I am frustrated that I can't even do that - I was told to shut up, or post my opinions on my blog only, probably so that my thoughts aren't seen by anyone and get buried. But I am fucking tired of that. I grew to hate being invisible. I hate making myself small for the benefit of others. Can't I be loud and angry for once in my life? Even if it is on the internet about something stupid? For once in my life, can't I voice my disdain for something after a lifetime of not being allowed to? After AvPD makes this nigh impossible of a feat for me?

One dissenting voice won't harm the popular creators anyway - they have thousands of adoring fans who will wholeheartedly take anything they make and not question it at all. They will go on and create what they want anyway, so what hurt does it do to say "hey, maybe this idea needs some ironing out because it doesn't make sense?"

On another note, I wish that if anyone here has a problem with me to not harrass people that may know me/are friends with me. I saw some anon going around and complaining about me to them - I'd rather you take your complaints to me directly than to them, since they got nothing to do with what I create or do.

For example, I saw someone who told an acquaintance of mine that it is hypocritical of me that I have Babytwos but "attack" others for doing the same. Listen, it is not that others have Babytwos that I critiqued, it's the METHOD of having them via a flower pregnancy when Mew is not a plant type and Mewtwo isn't either. It doesn't make any sense and I should be allowed to say at least that much without getting bullied in turn. That is really all I ask for. Getting Babytwos via cloning, test tubes, artifical insemination at least makes sense. Other than that, go ham and make as many Babytwos as you all want!

I also got told that I am not the owner of Mewtwo the character. Thank you, I know that. Where have I claimed I was? And if I feel a bit possessive over him, well, I got a damn reason for that. He saved me from unaliving myself TWICE. Thus he means a lot to me. I have been in love with him genuinely for 23 years. He is my guiding light. And while it is funny to see the occasional joke with him or a shitpost here and there, if it is constant, it just feels like you are treating him as nothing more than a joke. To me, he isn't a joke, he saved my life. I wouldn't have been posting on tumblr or anywhere at all since 2017 if it wasn't for him. So excuse me if I am a bit possessive over him.

Overall, I just wish people weren't so trigger-happy to take a contrary opinion as an attack immediately. I am not attacking anyone. You will never find me sending any hate DMs or Hate asks to anyone. I don't do that shit.

And if you hate me, you are free to do that too. I know that not everyone likes me. I know there are some people who wish I WAS dead. Or who think that I have ruined Mewtwo for them with my selfship. I mean, I got plenty of "Ew Bestiality" back in the day, if that is any indication. And it's not much of a change in the status quo anyhow. My own parents hate me, I got bullied in school when I was younger, so I am used to being disliked or hated. It used to hurt me back then, but by now I learned that giving a fuck really isn't worth it. I used to want to please everyone and make everyone happy. It used to destroy me when anyone told me they don't like me. Like, it CRUSHED me. But now? I realize that no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to please everyone. Some sadistic fucks may even get off on you trying that and failing. And many people I considered friends only turned out to just use me because of my people-pleasing tendencies.

So, fuck it. If the world is going to hate me anyway, the least I can do is to do whatever the fuck I want and whatever makes me happy. Deal with it.

[warriorpax]

Coming to terms...

Warning: The following includes a long-ass post involving drama with a former friend of mine. If you do not wish to read, there is a read-more and a trigger warning tag to avoid this for your convenience. Those that wish to read on...be warned, this may change your perception of me forever.

So...a number of you that still follow me, still put up with me, whatever, probably know by now that at one point, I was friends with and interacted with @pudgy-planets, one of a number of blogs owned by Neon.

Well...some time had passed, and you probably know that we are no longer on speaking terms anymore.

So, some of you might already know, or you might be asking, "well, what happened? What caused you two to not talk to each other anymore?"

Basically...I fucked up. I more or less forced myself on Neon...I got a bit too flirty, and instead of accepting that Neon only saw me as a friend and nothing more, moving on from that and keeping my friendship with her, I kept up my behavior...which caused the falling out.

After some time, I tried to talk with her, to sort things out...but I was too forceful with it, causing Neon to block me on all of her blogs that I know of so far, including the aforementioned "pudgy-planets" blog.

Now...I'm just gonna say this right now. What I did was in no way okay whatsoever.

I have taken a lot of time to learn from my mistakes...both from then, and from times prior...and I believe that I have changed enough to begin again, to quote basically everyone from Fallout New Vegas: Dead Money.

Regardless...from the bottom of my heart, somewhere in this mess of a body you all know as "Chase"...I'm sorry, for everything.

Do as you wish with all of this information. Send it to Neon, use it to send anon hate towards me, do whatever.

I understand if some of you are angry with me, or even hate me. Given everything that I have just told you, I would not blame you for it in the slightest.

I just hope that all of this doesn't cost me the friends and mutuals that I have made since my falling out with Neon...losing friends fucking hurts, no matter who it is...

I just realized that it's been a long time since all of that happened...and I figured I should come clean with it all, admit my mistakes, my faults, my fuck-ups, my whatevers...and move on now.

So...for those that are still here with me, despite everything I've just said...thank you.

For those of you that have most likely blocked me by now...I'm sorry to see you go, for what it's worth I enjoyed all the time we had together.

Here's hoping for the start of a better chapter, for all of us...

[familyvideostevie]

hello! don’t know why but i felt the need to bare my feelings to you tonight. you don’t have to respond to this or anything but this has been simmering in my brain for far too long now.

here it goes!!! i miss you. it’s that simple really. you are one of the first few people in this app that i struck up a friendship with. you are humble and so very nice and i love talking to you and checking up on you even if it was once a month. talking to you always, always brightened my day. honestly don’t know where it went wrong. at one point, i realized that you weren’t following me anymore. i didn’t really care because you said in an ask that tumblr was glitching and would make you unfollow blogs even if that wasn’t your intention. i believed that! we still continued to talk, but i noticed that you never followed me again and that your replies weren’t as enthusiastic. i know that you are busy with your own life so i chalked it up to that (i’m busy with mine too), but when you would speak to other people, it just felt different. so i started thinking i did something wrong, but i seriously don’t know what. i wish i had the courage to get off of anon and talk to you about this but then again it’s probably nothing to you and i’m definitely overreacting and overthinking. i don’t know. we’re probably too old for this but i treasure my friendships so much that drifting apart with anyone is as painful as a break up. even if we only know each other through the internet.

if it’s something i did, i’m sorry. if i am overthinking, i’m sorry too because i had to make you read through this entire thing. i just really wanted to get this off of my chest. i also wrote this at 3 am so forgive me. that’s it i think! i wish you all the best and i’ll keep on supporting you!

wow! hello! i'm going to put this reply under the cut because it's long (like, longer than many fics i write). you are under no obligation to read this! but as you've shared your feelings with me i thought i'd do the same.

i will be really honest with you, since you have been honest with me: this stressed me out a lot. reading it was like feeling my heart sink deeper and deeper in my chest with every word. i have been on the internet for a long time but it was not until i started this blog last year that i really began to interact with people in a meaningful way. i've been in and out of fandom spaces and never really clicked with anyone, never been brave enough to chat or share myself the way i have here with the fics i write and the conversations i have on the dash and through dms. this entire time i've been very conscious of how i behave -- or at least i've tried to be -- and that includes not starting/being a part of drama, apologizing when i think i've messed up, and setting my own/abiding by other people's boundaries.

so, all that to say, the feelings that you've expressed here are my worst nightmare. i don't think i'm going to apologize, since i don't think i've done anything wrong, but i will explain myself and the way i use tumblr/think about internet friendships.

first of all, this is not my main blog! it's entirely possible that i do follow you but it's a different url (which i am happy to tell people if they ask me for it privately), so you might not realize.

second of all, i've been on tumblr since 2011 (rough estimate). over a decade later i only follow 110 blogs. that fluctuates! when i'm really into something i will follow accounts that post about that thing, and then sometimes when i'm less into that thing, i unfollow them. when a blog hasn't posted for ~6 months, i unfollow them to keep things tidy (a method of control that has no reason, just my brain being my brain!). when a blog i've followed for years starts posting about something i dont like or care about all that much and know i won't get into/expresses an opinion i maybe don't like/says something i dont vibe with, i might unfollow them! sometimes i block tags but i prefer my dash to be clean and full of stuff i do want to see so often i just unfollow. tumblr, to me, is a place i come to get out of my own head and to distract from reality a little bit and always has been long before i started writing on here. so i am very liberal with the unfollow button and 99.9% of the time it's not personal.

expanding on that. re: unfollowing you. i have never been a part of mutual culture until this blog. i didn't really get it at first but then it became a useful tool for getting my work seen and for supporting the work of others. but as i got bigger (a relative term here, i do not consider my blog to be big), i started to see how mutuals can be kind of a cliquey thing socially and also instill a sense of obligation to people, so i've tried to steer away from that language and stopped attributing following/not following someone as an approval or as a sort of key in the door of online friendship. i want anyone who wants to talk to me to feel like they can! but at the same time i don't follow everyone i speak to and it's not personal. i do not expect anything from the people who follow me in terms of reblogs or likes or anything, even the ones i talk to often, because i think we are all here for ourselves and for our own enjoyment and i don't want to take away from that (in addition, i have barely been reading fics, even those written by dear friends and blogs i adore, so my attention/engagement is low as a default).

but it seems that maybe i have done so for you anyway. so, coming clean. a few months ago i unfollowed a bunch of blogs. some of them were mutuals! mutuals i've spoken to, mutuals whose work i've enjoyed, all that jazz (though i have accidentally unfollowed people before -- that happened today, actually, with a friend!) it is possible you were one of those people. my reasons are mostly related to what i've already said -- some people post a lot of asks, which i dont love scrolling through, some people start writing content i don't care for, etc. oftentimes the content of theirs that i do want to see ends up on my dash anyway, which is great for me (and fairly often i'll pop onto those blogs myself and see what they've been up to using my best friend, the search bar)! so, if this is you, that's that. i unfollowed you and it's not personal and it does not mean we cannot still talk or be friendly or even friends, but i understand if it means that for you.

i realize that not everyone places the same limited weight on folllows as i do and that an unfollow hurts. in that case i urge you to talk to me about it. this happened to me in real life. on my personal instagram account i unfollow people all the time because if they don't post a lot or i don't talk to them often i don't see a need to see what's up with their lives. one time i unfollowed someone i went to college with and it upset him! he asked a mutual friend of ours to ask me why i did it. i said, oh! i didn't realize it was a big deal, i had no malicious intent behind it, i'm happy to follow him again if it means that much. so i did! i'd have preferred he came to me, obviously, but no harm done in the end. i wish this is what you had done.

but i digress. i would like to call out this part of your message:

i know that you are busy with your own life so i chalked it up to that (i’m busy with mine too), but when you would speak to other people, it just felt different. so i started thinking i did something wrong, but i seriously don’t know what. i wish i had the courage to get off of anon and talk to you about this but then again it’s probably nothing to you and i’m definitely overreacting and overthinking.

you are right that i am busy! and the way you say you're feeling is a way i've felt before, for sure. but people cannot know what you're feeling unless you tell them. i am hurt that you think i don't care and that this is nothing. yes, we are all strangers online but i really hope that i haven't given the impression that i don't care about people's feelings and how my actions affect them because that's not true at all. internet friendships are hard! the lines are blurry and i will be the first to admit that. but i really implore you to talk to people about how you are feeling because that's how you maintain friendships and show respect for the people in your life -- open and honest communication. it only benefits everyone, even if things don't work out. i like to think that we can do things that are hard or scary for the sake of the people we care about.

a friend, when i asked about how to reply to this message, told me that sometimes friendships do just drift. people change and priorities change and that's okay, it's part of life. i know it's hard and it doesn't get easier but it's also life. but personally, you sending this on anon does not signal to me that you want to repair this, as it doesn't actually solve anything. and that makes me sad.

anyway! i think that's quite enough. feel free to come speak to me, i really really welcome it. if you've read this far you might think that i'm overreacting, or if you're reading this and it's not about you, you might think that, too! i tried to cover everything i could think of but im a little flustered and not sure any of this makes sense.

you guys, i really only want my blog to be somewhere where you feel like you can be yourselves and be honest and hopefully also respectful. there's been a lot of weird shit going on and i have luckily been treated very well on here by all of you and i am grateful for that.

to everyone else, i love you, thank you for always being kind to me.

[the-rxven-king]

@the anon i just got 

im not gonna post your ask because it feels like a private thing especially since you were on anon so i have no better way to say this to you and you trusted me enough to tell me what you did and im glad you had the courage to actually tell someone that kinda thing, even if it was just me, and i didnt want it to go without a response so... yea. this post is for you and p much only you so you can read under the cut and hopefully no one else will... since you were on anon this is the best i can do

first things first anon ill just go ahead and say thank you for having the courage to speak up and trust me? i mean im.... honestly not the best person to go to for this because as far as im aware im just a random dude on the internet to you idk if i know you at all but that you said anything at all to anyone takes guts and im glad you said something. keeping quiet is a hell i know well.

second thing: im sorry you feel the way you do. no one deserves to feel like theyre worthless. you have worth, i know you do, and thinking you are is really shitty. its a harsh thing to label yourself as, though. hopefully this doesnt sound preachy, but everyone has worth. you have worth. sometimes the problem is just not seeing it, not being able to reach it or find it. it feels like youre not worth anything, but you are. no matter how long it takes you to find out you have worth, you have so much. its there. in times like the ones youre going through it seems like thats impossible but youre worth something. if you hold on long enough youll find it. 

i dont want you to be killed, i know that for sure. you have worth to me, if that helps at all. im sure there are plenty of people who wouldnt want you to be gone, and before you can tell yourself otherwise, its true. there are people who care for you, there are. i promise you there are people who would hate to see you gone (again, not sure how much this helps, but i am one of those people).

i dont know if this is possible for you, because i dont fully know your current situation, or if you already have access to these things and im unaware because asks are small and you didnt give me this information, but if youre able please look into seeing a therapist. it could be beneficial to you and give you someone to talk to about these kinds of things aside from a teenage boy on the internet.... my inbox and pms are always open, of course, but it would be much better to go to a professional who can help you work through these feelings you have than just me. if this is something youve tried before and it didnt work, i encourage you to give it another shot, with someone new a fresh mindset. 

its not good to feel this way as im sure you know. its a dark, dark place to be, and i really hope you can pull your way out of it. youve got a whole life ahead of you to live, and no matter how long it takes, i hope it improves and you can find your worth and live life freely. life is like a roller coaster, not the best roller coaster since its kinda slow, but its a roller coaster for sure. roller coasters have their ups and downs, twists and turns, loops and falls, and right now your car is at a low point. at some point its going to go back up, but itll take time. it wont happen over night, it might seem like itll never happen, but ive never been on a roller coaster that never came back up. youll be ok, and everything will be ok. you arent worthless, and you are cared for, and youll be ok.

i wish there was more i could do for you, and i hope none of this came off wrong or preachy in any sense.... if it did, i apologize. i really do hope you feel better soon, anon, and please take care of yourself. you are important. sending you all my love and support through the internet along with a hug because it seems like you need one, and i wish i could give you one. and thank you again for trusting me with that. its hard to talk about those things.