#just realized that's a big ass donut

[seokmattchuus]

WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE SO CUTE I HATE HIM SO MUCH

[kalims]

ㅤlikey likey

premise. certain situations bring out the realization that they like it, and they can't help but appreciate it.

featuring. vice dorm leaders + ruggie

content. gender neutral reader, fluff

note. can we all agree that ruggie is savanaclaws vice dorm leaders at this point

trey likes it when you accompany him when he's in the kitchen, or anywhere for that matter but he's got a pretty big preference for his favorite place. maybe he thinks it's endearing to witness you acting like a little helper and following him around when he's just lowering the heat on the stove.

but he's used to the kitchen being so empty, with you there. the sound of the ticking oven is overshadowed by your light chatter, he'd thought he would perform better in a quiet environment to focus but turns out his treats come out more delicious than ever with the thought of you.

ruggie likes it when his hand brushes against yours, it's his personal favorite when he takes certain items from you. be it dangling your phone away from you, or a stray donut you just happened to be eating and didn't even think to share with him! :( .

initially he was just stealing stuff from you as a way to mess with you, he thinks it's funny. (it's totally a ruggie love language trust me. he'd never rob someone so obviously.) but now it's just another reason to use so he can cover up the 'I wanna touch you but idk how without getting called out.

jade likes it when you're both up in the mountains scouring for dangerous mushrooms to take home and claim as pets. you're a pretty prominent figure if he's actually telling you that you can't take that one home because it releases a poisonous spore when touched, but he says that there's another way of taking then home..?

especially when you're just crouching down, admiring them (from a distance usually because you've grown a fear from how many times he's warned you about a variety.) you're too immersed in it and jade can't pinpoint whether to be pleased or iffed that your attentions not on him. well it's always a pleasure to see his two favorite things together.

jamil likes it when you see him midst conversation and he sees you visibly brightening up. it doesn't matter if it's in a sense that everyone can tell but to him he can see your energy jolt when your eyes seem to sparkle. even better when you come up with some half-assed excuse to get out of said conversation and instead approach him to start another conversation.

the fact that you'd be so willing to abandon a talk with someone for a talk with him sends his soul ascending to the heavens and doing cartwheels. you're lucky cause he usually avoids talk with other people but he can't seem to make a lie to get out when you're looking a him like that.

rook is an eccentric man so his like for you is a little.. strange? he likes it when you greet him, weirdly simple for someone like rook but wait! he likes it because over time him speaking up from some random place like a tree, or a window doesn't scare the shit out of you as it used to. so to be short you're accustomed to his antics so you just greet him casually.

he always grins brighter when he hears it, his eyes crinkle and he always comes up with the poetic compliments before giving a variety of greetings each time. he doesn't mean to scare someone when he does it, they usually all run away when he wants to talk so you're just so fantastic! <4

ortho likes it when you visit. actually he likes you a lot! you're one of the few people in the entirety of nrc that are 1.) isn't scared of him or 2.) not weirded out. you're just like another big sibling to him! his favorite time of the day is around 8-10 PM because that's when you usually come around for your daily visit to catch up with him, gossip, or whatever. ortho will support you in whatever.

a crime? he expresses concern but is fully willing to aid you with whatever :) (HES SO CUTE.)

lilia likes it when you kiss his nose. he loves any affection you show him at all, kisses on the lips, fingers, temple whatever. he's gonna gobble every single second of it. his personal favorite though? for some reason its the nose. he insists its the inner bat in him, since bats do show affection through rubbing each other's noses together. you aren't one though so a kiss there is probably the closest to that.

plus points if you do it when he just jumpscares you after dropping from the ceiling, hanging upside down in his favorite position while you kiss his nose? oh goodness, he's in heaven! plz don't hold back, kiss him more... if you don't wanna he's gonna trick you either way (with love ofc)

note. HIHIHI sorry this isn't much but I figured I better feed the vice dorm leader stans 😭 not pr its midnight rn hel

Ill just link this tom, I'm gonna sleep 😓

[withacapitalp]

Stuff Me, Hug Me, Take Me Home

@stevesbipanic B HAPPY VALENTINES!!! Tis I! Your secret admirer!!! I loved this prompt and I had so much fun with it thank you so much and I hope you love it!!! Special thanks to @thefreakandthehair and @hairstevington for listening to be a little feral and insane about the first thing I'm writing in a very long time

Read on AO3 instead

If there was one place Eddie never expected to end up at on Valentine’s Day, it was the mall. 

When Steve had asked to ‘take point’ this year, Eddie had imagined a day at the lake, maybe a secret picnic, perhaps even a scenic road trip. Something that was their style. A tucked away moment, quiet and held close, so it belonged to just the two of them. 

There was no way the mall - the epicenter of American greed and capitalistic cannibalism - would have that. 

“I can’t believe I found this parking spot!” Steve crowed, tossing Eddie a winning smile as he threw the car into park and grabbed his phone from where it was charging, “Wasn’t that lucky?”

“Sure, Stevie,” Eddie agreed, trying to hide his disdain, but definitely failing given the way Steve’s smile dipped. The mall loomed over them, blocking out the sun with its oppressively boxy architecture, and Eddie couldn’t help his own glow starting to dim. 

The day had started so promisingly. Steve had woken up early and slipped out of bed without Eddie realizing, coming home with ludicrously over decorated heart shaped donuts and coffee from their favorite bakery. They had traded lazy sugar-filled kisses, cuddling and watching Labyrinth. 

Hell, Steve had even managed to almost hide how much he disliked the movie, commenting on David Bowie’s ass and conveniently ignoring the plot and puppets. He hadn’t even texted Robin all morning!

And now…well now they were at the mall. 

“Are we going to a movie or something? We could’ve just gone to The Hawk. You know IMAX movies give me headaches.” Eddie said as they exited the beemer. Steve came around the front, grabbing Eddie’s hand and squeezing it twice - their signal for needing the other person to listen. 

“Trust me?” Steve offered, chewing on the inside of his lip and giving Eddie the big puppy dog eyes he could never resist. Eddie groaned, grumbling softly to himself as he lifted their joined hands up to his lips. 

“Always,” he whispered back, sealing the promise with a kiss. 

As much as Eddie hated to admit it, the mall actually wasn’t as bad as he had imagined. His brain had conjured up tortuous images of packs of useless husbands trolling around for a cheap gift to pawn off on their wives, or hordes of angsty teens lamenting not having someone to share the holiday with. 

But at almost four in the afternoon it was sleepy, practically dead. And besides, it was hard to look around when Steve was dragging him forward with a single-minded determination. All Eddie could do was try and keep up, shooting glances at his boyfriend to try and catch his eye, wondering why Steve was suddenly loath to meet his gaze. 

Then they were stopping short, Eddie stumbling and nearly tripping as Steve let go of his hand out of nowhere. He righted himself, about to tell Steve off for acting so weird, when he looked up and was struck speechless. 

“You mentioned that you always wanted to go here, but that Wayne never had the money for it,” Steve mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and leaning out of Eddie’s space as he continued to avoid eye contact.

Eddie had told him that, but just once. Only once. He could remember the exact moment. The two of them in the kitchen of their apartment right after the move, unpacking mugs as Eddie told the story of each one and placed it with care on the shelf. It was the last mug, the final story of that night. 

“My dad promised me he would take me to Build-a-Bear for my fifth birthday. And my sixth. And my seventh. By my eighth, I stopped answering when he asked me what I wanted, ‘cause I knew it didn’t matter. By ten I was already living with Wayne, and I didn’t even want to ask him, I knew we couldn’t afford it. Wayne found out anyway, because he’s Wayne, and so he got me this mug for my eleventh birthday, and told me it was an IOU. I don’t even know why I wanted to go to build-a-bear so badly, I just got it in my head that having my own bear would be special. Something that was mine, and always would be, you know?” 

And now here Eddie was, standing in front of an ostentatiously yellow store with his heart settled neatly in his throat. 

“I know it’s kind of silly now, because we’re almost thirty. You might not even care anymore, but I thought maybe it would be a nice Valentine’s Day gift? We could build you a bear, and then you would have him forever and always,” Steve explained, his thoughtfulness continuing to choke Eddie to death. 

Eddie didn’t believe in God, but it was hard to believe there wasn’t something looking out for him. Something had to have given him Steve. There was no way this wonderful, beautiful man just landed in his lap. 

“I’m sorry I-” Steve began, obviously misinterpreting Eddie’s silence. 

“I love it,” Eddie said, cutting off the apology before it could truly begin. 

He couldn’t let Steve doubt this, not even for a single second. Eddie cleared his throat roughly, blindly reaching out and latching onto Steve’s wrist, pulling his boyfriend close and wrapping him in the tightest hug possible as he continued to ramble.

“I do, I love it and I- thank you, Stevie. You’re so- you’re just- thank you, thank you, thank you,” 

“Easy, Eds,” Steve murmured, the tips of his ears turning pink as he pressed their cheeks together and gave Eddie a parting squeeze. Eddie let him pull away, but didn’t let him go, interlocking their fingers as he began to bounce in place. 

“We’re going to Build-a-Bear!” Eddie giggled, his joy beginning to spill all over the place.

Steve nodded, smiling just as brightly as Eddie. But, when Eddie went to pull him forward, Steve held fast, keeping them both in place. 

“There’s just one rule. I don’t want you to look at prices at all. You get whatever you want, however you want it. Got it?” Steve said with a mock stern look. Eddie opened his mouth to agree, then hesitated.

It wasn’t like they were destitute. Between Steve’s job as a sub and Eddie’s work at the garage, they were making good money. But with rent, Steve's tuition, and the regular expenses, they didn’t exactly have a lot of cash to blow on fulfilling a childhood dream. 

“I’ve been saving for this, baby. Been doing extra tutoring on the nights you were with the guys playing dungeons and dorks,” Steve admitted, a pretty blush sitting high on his cheeks. Eddie’s heart clenched up again, and he couldn’t resist dragging Steve into a chaste but forceful kiss. 

“You’re the most amazing partner, you know that, right?” Eddie whispered against his lips. Steve ducked his head, pulling away and squeezing Eddie’s fingers silently as they walked into the store.  

The store was almost empty, even quieter than the mall itself. A couple of parents were watching their daughters giggle over clothes for their new stuffed animals, and a young couple was chatting by the little clawfoot bathtubs in the back, but other than that it was just the two of them. There was some bubblegum pop playing in the background, the kind of thing Steve liked to listen to when he made dinner at night. The sound of it settled Eddie instead of setting his teeth on edge, and he couldn’t help leaning against Steve as they approached the bins of unstuffed bears. 

“Go on, pick your new friend,” Steve said, nudging Eddie forward and taking a step back to watch. 

It was easy to eliminate some choices off the bat. Eddie took away anything that was themed for Valentines, or promotional, and he pretty quickly decided against anything that wasn’t a traditional bear. Normally he would’ve loved the contrarian energy of building a dragon or a unicorn, but he wasn’t just making this for right now. This was also for the little Eddie that had dreamt of having that perfect plush bear to snuggle with at night. 

But the problem was, he had never really imagined what the bear looked like. 

“Help me?” Eddie whined, turning back to Steve who shook his head fondly but walked forward anyway. Steve perused the options for a second before reaching into a bin and pulling out a charcoal black bear with brown eyes.

“What about this one? If you give him a battle vest and a band tee he would be a mini-you,” Steve offered, holding the bear out. Eddie took it, letting his fingers run over the fur and imagining the bear properly stuffed and dressed. 

It was perfect. 

They walked past the bear bins, up to a stand with plastic cases and the words “HEAR ME” above it in bright red letters. 

“Okay, one more rule for today. Cover your ears and turn around,” Steve ordered, putting his hands on his hips and giving Eddie a no-nonsense look. Eddie raised a brow, briefly considering putting up a fight, just for the heck of it. 

But there was something in Steve’s face, a glint in his eyes that just bordered on the edge of panic and a crook in his smile that made it sit not quite straight on his face. Whatever he was doing, it was probably something big. 

So, instead of being a gremlin, Eddie remained obedient, turning on his heel and cupping his ears, humming one of the band’s latest creations for good measure. He managed to get all the way through the first two choruses and up to the bridge before he felt a soft hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes. 

“Time for the best part,” Steve said in a soft sing-song tone, pushing Eddie towards the machine filled with stuffing where an employee was patiently waiting for them. 

“Hi there, guys!” She said with a bright grin, “My name is Rosie, and I’m here to help you bring your friend to life.”

Steve, being the amazing boyfriend he was, somehow sensed Eddie’s hesitancy, speaking for both of them as they got closer. “I’m Steve, and that’s Eddie. It’s his first time here.” 

“That’s so great! Okay so I am going to stuff your new friend exactly how you’d like him, then you’re going to pick a heart out of this box and follow all my instructions,” she explained in a patient but authoritative tone that reminded Eddie so much of Nancy he almost laughed out loud. He willingly handed over the bear, watching as she lined him up with the machine. 

“Firm or soft?” 

“Soft,” Eddie answered automatically, going with his gut. 

Rosie nodded and went through the process of stuffing the bear, methodically filling up each paw and giving them a good squeeze before handing the bear to Eddie for a quick check. 

“Before we do the heart ceremony, do you want to add a smell to your bear? We have some of our scents here, and I can go to the back and get you any one off this list if you want.” She offered as Eddie held his bear close. 

“Remember our rule,” Steve whispered loudly in his ear, and Eddie rolled his eyes, his heart almost filled to the bursting. He pointed out a lemon scent on the list and they watched Rosie leave to grab it. 

“Why lemon?” Steve asked, cocking his head to one side. 

“Reminds me of how the house smells on Sundays,” Eddie replied. “All your favorite cleaning products smell like lemons, and all you drink from May to September is lemonade.” 

“It’s a refreshing smell,” Steve grumbled, not a trace of heat in his tone. Eddie chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Whatever you say, Lemon Boy,” he managed to get out just as Rosie returned, a yellow bear paw held in her hand. 

“Now while I put this in and add some final touches, you choose your heart and then we will do the heart ceremony.” She instructed. 

Eddie peered into the box, his eyes immediately locking onto a plaid heart. He plucked it out, showing it to Steve who couldn’t resist laughing. It was the exact same pattern as the god-awful wallpaper he had in his room when they first started dating, and, without words, they both knew what they were thinking about. 

“Okay, are you ready?” 

Eddie nodded, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Rosie stood in front of them and held out her hands. 

“So you’re going to hold the heart just like this,” she demonstrated, cupping her hands and beginning to rub her palms together, “and you’re going to make the heart all nice and warm and toasty for your new buddy over there!” 

Eddie followed her directions to the letter as she had him flip the heart and tap three times (“To wake up his heart and get it beating!”) and lifted the heart up to the sky and waved it back and forth to give his bear very high hopes. He even turned in a circle, delighting in listening to Steve laugh at his antics. 

This was the exact kind of thing Eddie loved to do most - put on a show and lose himself in being a little silly. 

“Now, rub the heart down your back, that way your buddy always has your back. Rub it down your side, so they stay by your side forever and always. Rub it across your cheeks, so your buddy is always smiling each and every day, and hold the heart to your chest to make a nice big wish!” 

Eddie paused for a second, closing his eyes and taking a second to think. He had lots of wishes. He wished his van would hold out for just one more paycheck, that the kids would enjoy the campaign he put together for them. He wanted Wayne to stay healthy, for Steve to pass his classes, for someone, anyone, to find the band and give them their big shot. 

But there was one wish that was more important than the rest. 

“The last thing is giving it a nice big kiss, so your buddy is always full of love.” Rosie said with a flourish. 

Eddie was about to lift the heart to his lips when he paused, turning to Steve and holding it out. Steve’s lip curled in a small, indulgent, smile, and he leaned forward, pressing a long kiss right in the middle of the fabric heart. The edge of his lip touched Eddie’s thumb, sending a shiver down his spine. 

From there the process moved quickly. Rosie sewed up his bear with deadly efficiency, and Eddie and Steve tag teamed the wall of outfits to find the perfect battle vest for Eddie’s bear. Before he knew it, Eddie was sat at a tiny little computer with his bear in his lap and Steve’s chin hooked over his shoulder, both of them staring down at the blank bear birth certificate.

“I don’t know what to name him,” Eddie moaned, leaning back against Steve, who appeared to be deep in thought. 

“Beddie.”

“Beddie?” Eddie repeated incredulously, turning to look at Steve properly. 

“Bear Eddie,” Steve shrugged, as if that made any sense at all. “He does look just like you.”

Eddie snorted, leaning forward and typing out the name, then hesitating and typing some more. 

“What do you think?” he asked, trying to hide the sudden nerves that were lighting up his veins. The last name wasn’t a huge risk to take, but it meant something, something far more than either of them were willing to admit just yet. 

“Perfect,” Steve said with a kiss pressed to Eddie’s cheek. 

And that was how Beddie Bearington ended up nestled between Eddie and Steve that night as they lounged on the couch. Steve had fallen asleep two episodes deep into their Survivor binge, and Eddie was content to stay exactly where he was for at least a few more hours. He dipped his head down, pressing his face to the center of the bear’s chest and smelling the candied lemon scent that permeated through the fur. As he continued to cuddle his bear, Eddie felt something hard and square in the left paw. He pulled back, perplexed by the sudden change, carefully feeling around the object and wondering what it might be. 

With a jolt, Eddie finally put together Steve’s behavior from before. He had somehow hidden a  sound box inside Eddie’s bear, that was the secret Steve hadn’t let him hear before. Eddie slapped his forehead with a palm, unable to believe he could’ve missed something so obvious. The boys would’ve had words to say about their DM being so unobservant. 

Eddie took a cursory look down to make sure Steve was still asleep, and then pressed it, putting the bear's paw up to his ear. He had expected a song, or even some funny sound. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the soft tone of Steve’s voice, fulfilling the secret wish he had put into his bear’s heart. 

“Hi Eddie, it’s me, your boyfriend, Steve. I want you to know that you are the funniest, sweetest, most creative person I know, and I’m so happy that I get to love you…because I do. I love you, Eddie.” 

“It’s true,” a voice whispered from below. Eddie moved the bear and there was Steve, staring up at him. “Sorry I couldn’t say it before.”

“I love you too,” Eddie whispered, almost in awe that he could finally say it and hear it back. 

He could hear it whenever he wanted. Eddie pressed the button on the box again just because he could. Steve’s words filled the air as Eddie nestled Beddie into the couch and dipped his head down, hair falling in a curtain around them as they shared another kiss. 

[theunaveragepsychoticbitch]

This Fucks

[Dry humping, but it gets wet pretty fast. AMAB Reader. AFAB Barbie. Grinding, daydreaming, pussy eating, Barbs wears panties at the end, Barbs calls you Master, crack-ish. Standalone series]

Pt. 1

And then he'd ride you, fast and hard. He'd feel you through your boxers, through his own panties. He'd claw at your shoulders when you grinded against his clit just right and tears would fall as his eyes fluttered. He'd scream out-

"I guess you like the outfit?" And- wait, no, that's not what happens.

An amused huff punctuated your sentence, and as you eye him, several realizations hit him at once:

One, he was unbelievably wet. The throb of his clit and the uncomfortable wet feeling of his underwear clinging to his skin left him barely able to hold back a grimace, less he have to explain that to you too.

Two, he'd gone completely still in his daydream. How long had he been staring blankly at you, red in the face and just barely starting to breathe heavy? The only thing that could make this worse would be if he'd been wearing his summer uniform, the layers thin enough you'd have definitely seen his nipples perking through his shirt.

Third- he was wearing the summer uniform.

"Yes, I, it's very nice... my deepest apologies."

Your response comes paired with a toothy smile, and he swears he can feel himself getting wetter. "No problem, I know you have a lot on your plate. Hell, I'm distracting you right now, aren't I?"

You definitely were, just not in the way you think.

"I'll text you tonight then, Barbs. See you later~"

He nods, sad to see you go. You're his favorite distraction, his most coveted one easily. You probably think you were being a nuisance now.

Barbatos walks you out, waving and watching until you turned the corner out of sight. He sighs, locking the door behind him and heading straight for the nearest bathroom.

-------

He's baking cookies for you today. Soft, melty chocolate chip- just how you like it. In fact, he's baking a variety of pastries: donuts and cupcakes, all in your favorite flavors. He's making an "I'm sorry" basket for his shameful behavior the other day.

As he begins to glaze the donuts, hands drift over his waist, settling in place and pulling him closer- ass first -to your dick. He could feel it through your uniform; did you just get out of class? The lingering scent of potions gone right and wrong alike met his nose, and he chuckled, eyes crinckling at the corners when he smiles.

"You didn't even bother to change, I see."

Your lick the cuff of his ear, whispering into it. "Needed you too bad." By all nine of the circles. There was a greedy rasp in your voice, like you could barely speak through your own desire. Your hands got firmer as they slid down to hold his hips. Your thumbs massage circles into his ass as you give a few test thrusts, seeing how thick the material on his pants were.

He looks back to find you scrunching your brows as if in deep focus.

"I want these off." You say, your tone deadpan.

Barbatos jumps to obey, donuts completely forgotten, and you help him, shimmying his pants down as he undoes the buttons. You undo your own, and then it's briefs to boxers as you hump him, rocking him against the counter and making his eyes roll back. He's obsessed with the feel of it, how hard it is, leaving no room for mistaking how much you want him.

He's close, fuck, fuck, he's so close. You are too, going by the way your thrusts get more and more aggressive. Barbatos' eyes squeeze shut, and as his peak gets closer and closer, he can feel that tightening in his stomach, making him tense up right before the big-

His eyes spring open, immediately locking on where his hands have burst an entire piping bag of glaze onto one donut. Embarrassment at getting so caught up paints his face a lovely shade of rouge, getting even darker as he realizes that glazed donut holes are not the best distraction for... well, glazing (non) donut holes.

Once again, his underwear clings to his cunt, providing the slightest friction against his senstive clit as he moves about the kitchen, cleaning up his mess.

He sighs as, also once again, he makes his way to his room to clean up a different mess.

(–>Himself)

--------

"Fuck me, you're doing great 'batos."

Your hands are on his hips, helping him bounce on your clothed boner. You've barely got ten minutes- you both have places to be. Him, a meeting, you, a class. But that didn't stop you from sliding your pants to your knees and leaning heavily on a side table in one of the castle's many forgotten salons, nor him from showing you the pretty pink panties he put on today in the hopes you'd get to see them.

With your bulge fitted comfortably between his cheeks, he switched from bouncing to rolling, gyrating his hips and crying out like a whore as you groaned into his back, sinking your teeth into the blushed skin of his neck. Just low enough the collar of his uniform covers it, of course. You're nothing if not courteous.

As your blunt nails sink into his flesh, Barbatos starts to wonder if this is what insanity feels like. Delirium colored with the pinks and reds of lust, your groans like a mantra in his ears he can't, won't, get rid of. The ache of his own pussy consumes him- you're breathtakingly close, yet it's never enough for him. His greed is as constant as his heart beat, a steady rhythm of "more".

Your chest to his back, your breath on his ear. He'd soaked through his panties long ago and knew they'd be nothing short of ruined when he came. Cumming on your cock, even through your clothes... it was so good. God, you felt-

"-so good! Thank you by the way, I never would have fixed that without you."

And just like that, the time demon returns to the present.

------

Despite the cold of the room, sweat rolls down the back of his neck as he thinks,

'What am I supposed to tell you this time?'

Barbatos can feel you staring at him, but it seems the floor is particularly interesting today. He can't keep his eyes off it- or rather, he can't keep his eyes on you.

A faint sunset pink dusts his cheeks, and in a manner much unlike his usual held-together persona, he fiddles with the edges and fingers of his gloves, tapping his foot against the shining wooden floors and licking his lips a rather unnecessary amount.

"Nervous?"

He chuckles when you ask, but there's no humor in it. He still doesn't look at you. He wishes he could go back to work. He's on his break right now, which he usually doesn't take, but took advantage of for your sake. It's only thirty minutes, but it feels like hours.

"There's no need for anxiety, Barbs. I just wanna talk..." You trail off into silence, polite on your part, suffocating on his. Leaning over, you take a sip out of the tea you personally prepared for this occasion. It held not so much as a candle to Barbatos', of course, but you thought it'd be a good change of pace for something like this.

'They're gonna hate me.'

He's so sure of it, not even a peek into the future would change his mind. You'd learn of his disgusting habits and shame him, then tell him you never wanted to see him again. It was inevitable.

"Barbatos,"

He tenses involuntarily at hearing his name.

"You've been distant lately, you know?" You watch his face as you talk, speaking slowly and gently, as if trying to calm a scared animal. "Avoiding me so actively that everyone has noticed, making excuses everytime I ask to hang out, and disassociating when we actually do. What's happening to us? Did I do something wrong?"

'Fuck.'

The thought is followed by budding tears in his eyes. He's ruined everything, and to top it off, you think it's your fault.

What the hell was he supposed to say to you?

"My apologies Master, I find myself lost in thoughts of your dick sandwiched between my asscheeks."?

Get serious.

....but as his own voice meets his ears, things do get serious. Very, very, very quickly.

The room empties of sound, not even a breathe to be heard. But as loud as his heartbeat is in his ear, there's no way you're deaf to it.

How the fuck did he accidentally say that aloud? Of all God-forsaken things-

"I... are you serious?"

For the first time since entering the room, he looks at you. Your face is oddly.... blank. He can't read your eyes, but your posture is rigid as you rest your forearms on your knees, hands tightly clasped around a small teacup.

There's no use lying now. It'd only serve to make things more awkward. This was his punishment, he was sure of it- to die in flames of embarrassment, haunted by this day for the rest of forever.

"I... suppose there are more choice words to be used. But yes. I want you quite badly, Master. Need you, even. And it's ruining my immortal life." The last part is no more than a whisper, but you hear him as though he yelled it.

"I know I've ruined our relationship. I've let your kindness go to my head, and find myself unsatisfied with standing quietly behind you. I wish to be by your side."

He's said so much, too much, but it's as if the words run from his mouth on their own. He bites down, almost drawing blood as his fangs dig into the soft skin.

You're silent, still as unreadable as a closed book. He feels out of place in his skin under your gaze. It's unwavering strength begins to unnerve him as he prepares for a verbal beating.

"Beside me, or under me?"

He'd say it's his turn to be speechless, but the shit eating grin on your face makes him think you knew exactly what you were going to say a long time ago.

Nevertheless, he answers seriously. Thinking back, it may have been the shock that made him answer so honestly.

"..both."

You smile wider, a wild look in your eyes.

"Both is good."

And in the following seconds, Barbatos was hit with realizations of several things, once again:

One, you were messy. The table was cleared of dishwear, utensils and food alike in a quick swipe of your arm. Hopefully, you didn't expect him to help clean it up later.

Two, you weren't and never have been a weakling. You lifted him with an ease he'd only seen out of Beezlebub, or Diavolo. Despite his size, he was pure muscle, and quite heavy. But you didn't even break a sweat as you held him bridal and layed him out on the table, gentle as a lover should be.

Three- it was just as big as he'd imagined.

You fit yourself between his legs, holding them wide open as you grabbed his waist to pull him to you. You whisper under your breath, and the lights flicker before dimming down. Your eyes are alight with something that scared him as much as it aroused him. It was bright, fierce, hot. Like passion, but so much more intense. It had to be in your blood, pumping throughout your whole body and heating your skin till it burned at the touch.

Scorching fingers caressed him through his clothes, dragging down his torso as if imagining how easily they could rip through the fabric, the shreds joining the shards of glass on the floor. Your bulge pressed into him more and more as you tried to get closer, as though dizzy-headed with the thought of fucking him deep.

God, he wanted you to fuck him deep. Maybe he was the dizzy-headed one.

"What did you dream about, Barbatos? Tell me everything, my love."

'Such a sweet talker.' He thought. But he lied if he said it didn't make his pussy throb.

"You had me just like this... with your face in my neck, telling me things, as you..." He blushes, and it encourages you closer. Chest to chest, your voice is a sultry whisper in his ear. "As I what, darling?"

He gulps audibly, nervous fingers grasping the sides of your shirt. You can hear a tremble in his voice, "You... you were dry humping me. Slow, but hard, and relentless. There were tears in my eyes."

He doesn't know what he expected, can't explain why his breath caught in his throat when you began to rock, slow, but hard. One hand cradled his face as he closed his eyes tight, overwhelmed by the drag of your cock over his clothes. You were pressing on his clit just right, even through the layers. Again...again, again, hah, agai-

"Ah!" He moaned out as you pressed especially hard. Your other hand was on his hip, and the bruising grip made him think you wanted this too more than anything else you've done so far. If he had to put it into words- you held him like you didn't think you'd ever get the chance.

"Fuck... tell me what I said, Barbatos."

It takes a few seconds, and when he finally finds his voice, his speech is interrupted by gasps of pleasure. "I.. hell, you- you told me how good I felt. That- fuck, Master- that you needed me. All the things you'd been waiting- hah, to do to me."

You kiss his neck, your voice low in his ear, but your words loud in his heart and mind. "You're perfect, Barbatos. Can you feel it? How hard you get me? Just looking at you- it drives me insane. Makes me wanna make you feel good."

The hand on his hip moves to undo his pants. He claws at your back as you speed up your strokes. "I'd go so deep, baby. Make you see stars. I wanna fuck you till you're sleep, till I'm the only thing you think of, till you call out of work."

You stop your administrations, and in the blink of an eye, Barbatos finds his panties are out where you can see them.

And yes- he is wearing the pretty pink ones.

"I'm gonna fuck you till you need me."

Like the asshole you are, you're much more gentle with your own clothes, getting them off just as fast yet leaving them mostly whole. Your dick twitches against the constraints of your briefs. It makes Barbatos salivate, the thought of having all of it on his tongue, down his throat, making him gag and cry. In his pussy, bruising his cervix and-

Why was he still imagining things, when the real thing was right in front of him?

Quick as ever you flip him on his stomach, smirking at how wet and sticky his panties have gotten. In this position, the fat lips pressed against the thin fabric in a way only describable as lewd. You drag a single finger down his slit, starting from his asshole and stopping at his clit. Watching him shiver as you dragged it back up, tremble as you go back down again. The shocked way he squeaks and grabs the table as you press on his clit.

You can't see his face when you put your own in it, licking him through the cloth, but you can definitely hear him. He's unabashedly loud, his hips acting on their own. Sloppy kisses make him squeal, and long strokes of your tongue make him moan. When you suck on his clit, he calls your name, a desperate cry that thanks you even as it begs for more.

"[Name], Cum- cumming. I'm-"

Your hand snakes down to grope at your dick as you eat him faster. You can taste him; his essence is all across your tongue and it's absolutely euphoric. He rocks a little harder every time you whisper how good he tastes into his clit, cries a little louder. You can hear how hoarse his voice is getting though. His screams are shadows of what they were, the scrape of his voice against his throat sending shocks through you. It all makes you suck him a lil harder.

And then he arches into your mouth, cumming on your tongue with a sultry moan from deep in his chest. Your eyes roll as liquid gold coats your tastebuds, the aftertaste like a mouthful of diamonds. Angelic whimpers meet your ears, and you can't help overstimulating him as you work to not waste a drop.

Barbatos swears that hours pass, but your clean up job only lasts a few more minutes. His head is heavy and light at the same time, not a thought to be found among the thick sex haze.

He feels like you shared your fire with him, the burning power shocking his nerves and waking his body up even as you suck him to sleep. Everything's so sensitive, too sensitive, yet you keep going...

Gods, please keep going....

Then you stop. He's left ass up and face down as you catch your breath. His own chest heaves, the tears that fell drying on his face or pooling between his cheek and the table. He should be worried about that, what a mess you'd made of him, of the room, of everything. But the only thing he could focus on was your breath, far too close to his sensitive, throbbing cunt.

Barbie's hips were bruised to the touch, yet he couldn't manage so much as a wince when you grabbed them again. You were much gentler this time, at least.

You pull him into your lap, a glimmer in your eye as his head lolls on your shoulder.

Slowly, tantalizingly so, you grind up into him. Weak he may be, he still tries to grip your wrists, settling for loosely wrapping his fingers around them. He feels your head come to a rest on his shoulder, and your hands move to interlock with his, dragging them with you as you wrapped both of your arms around his torso.

Borderline chaste kisses were peppered across his shoulders and neck as a pace was set. Barbatos didn't think he could take it- being humped like a whore, then grinded on mid-embrace like a lover dearly missed. The butterflies in his stomach stirred at the mix of emotions pumping through him, filling him with a ticklish, fluttery feeling that made giggles spill from his throat.

"...off."

He hums his confusion, and you try to be a little louder.

"Can I take these off?"

Your voice is a romantic whisper in his ear as you nod towards his panties, soaked through and leaving nearly nothing to the imagination by this point.

You asked so politely, and you made him feel so light, he couldn't find it in him to say no.

He blushes, and nods.

His panties are off in a snap! , pink pussy finally exposed. Now, his arousal soaked your briefs directly, and the twitch it gave at being so close to his warmth felt brand new.

The feel of the cold air against his hot cunt made him choke and sit up, breatheless gasps escaping in a flurry as you stroked the squishy lips, ghosting over his clit to circle his hole.

He watched your fingers drag arousal from his hole to where his bud ached, flicking it and making him cry. The tears streaked his skin as they fell fast down his cheeks. Watching you seemed to make it more intense, seeing exactly how your skilled fingers moved to bring him such electrifying pleasure.

Oh hells, you'd started moving again too. Your labored breathing was felt against his back as you grinded into him

t desperately. Your hips worked like you needed this, needed him, needed to cum against his cunt and take him over the edge with you.

Your fingers sped up as you strained to keep your pace steady, the jerk of your legs getting worse and worse as you got closer. Barbatos could feel how you twitched against the briefs, and even in his weakness, tried to meet your thrusts in the middle, rubbing his sensitivity pussy along your bulge and making himself sob at the intensity.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-

Heavy breathes and heady gasps filled the room as your stomachs started to lock with lightning. Barbatos was seeing stars, felt like he was one. Exploding with pleasure, bright as the sun and just as blinding. There wasn't a thought in his head as your grunts and moans became more frequent, the open mouthed kisses you planted on his ear and neck making his eyes roll. Your free hand left his hip and made for his nipple, and with an aggressive twist, it was over.

The two of you exploded in sync like a supernova of catastrophic levels, the orgasm rawing both of your throats as each other's names rang in the air. The flames in your blood were slowly doused, leaving your skin as sticky as it was sweaty- and it was very much so both.

Neither of you can breathe, so you pant between sloppy kisses. Weak arms wrap around your neck as your hands tangle in sweat-soaked hair, drool escaping down the sides of your lips. He can taste himself on your tongue still, his essence making your spit stick to your lips a little more. The sight spurred him more, until exhaustion truly wracked you both, dropping your bodies to the table in a mere moment.

Barbatos couldn't find any talking words. He's not quite sure what he could say- "hey, that was pretty nice, albeit unexpected?"

"Yeah, hah, that's one way to put it."

He has got to get control of that.

Your eyes were already closed when he looked up at you, using all his strength to do so. You whispered, mumbled really, and he strained to listen through the haze still clouding his mind.

"....beautiful, Barbatos. Everything... you. We have to do this again.... day when you're actually free."

Remembering he was far overdue to return to his position should have sent him into shock, or perhaps cardiac arrest, but he found all he could do was sigh. The castle would be fine without him for a couple hours... and it's not like they had any guests today...

Barbatos yawned, his head getting heavier and heavier with the rhythmic movement of your chest. A quick glance showed you to already be asleep, your peaceful expression painting a smile across his face.

His last image before drifting off is of you, with a single line of drool slowly slipping out the corner of your mouth.

--------

A/N: IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR A WEEK. AHHHHHHHHHHH

[aww-canon-no]

Floating

The truth is- Steve hates his pool.  He hates his pool because it was the beginning of the end of a lot of things.  He hates his pool because while he never did get to know Barb the way she deserved to be known, a single drop of blood into that cool water...

Well.

Yeah.

He hates his pool.

Unfortunately for Steve, the pool becomes sort of necessary. After getting the shit kicked out of him by Jonathan Byers, then Billy, then getting his ass handed to him by Russians before they drugged him with some concoction that left him at first with ringing ears, then with dwindling tones, the weird little audiogram from his doctor told him that yeah, he was lucky to still be able to hear airplanes and dogs barking.

In short, Steve was deaf.

He hadn’t ever met anyone like that before so it was just easier to try and ignore it.  To nod and smile a lot and pretend like he had any idea about what was going on.  That’s what his parents wanted him to do.

So.

Why not.

They were never home before, but they’re gone even more now that the upside down had tried (and failed- thank God) to swallow Hawkins and left Steve kind of a fucked-up mess both inside and out.  But they’re all kind of fucked-up inside and out so at least he’s not alone.

Steve’s house was spared and the kids come over all the time and have pool parties.  And Robin sleeps over more than she doesn’t, and her favorite thing ever is a morning swim.  Nancy drops in to do laps when she can, just to get a break from the madness that is her life.  Eddie uses the cool water as a sort of self-created physiotherapy for all the pieces of muscle he lost to demo bats.

Steve wants to not hate it.  He wants to say that it’s all fine and he’s making new memories and while they won’t erase what happened to Barb, something good can come of it.

Vertigo has become Steve’s constant friend, especially on what he calls his bad-ear-days.  The pool, oddly, helps.  Not swimming.  The pressure of water in his ears makes him want to die.  It gives him ear-migraines, which might not be a thing, but it’s totally a thing.

But he’s got an old blow-up raft that’s shaped like a donut and bobbing along the water oddly kind of evens out the spins and makes him not want to hoark his lunch up all over the deck.

So he lays there with his eyes closed, simmering in his new silence sort of feeling everything around him differently now that he can’t hear for shit.  He’s usually alone, but this afternoon Eddie’s there.  Eddie who sees way too much.

And it happens while Steve’s floating and Eddie’s soaking and drinking beer.  His eyes are closed and the sun is hot on his face, and then he feels cool fingers playing with the short hairs by his temple.

Steve feels himself rumble a noise- which is probably the most disconcerting thing about his deafness.  It’s not losing the sound of other people- it’s losing the sound of himself.

He as no idea if the sounds he’s making are audible because Eddie doesn’t react.  He just keeps touching.  And God he does that a lot.  Steve’s not used to it.  Touch always had some sort of end game.  Like with Nancy, it used to mean at least making out, if not more.  With the kids, it’s to comfort.  With Robin it’s mostly to get on her nerves because even when he annoys her, he still makes her smile.

But Eddie’s so free with it- without expectations.  He just gives and gives and rarely expects anything back.  Lord, though, Steve wants to give him something.  and he has for a while now.

Steve’s come to realize in the past months that his attraction might not be so...focused on one gender?  He watched Robin struggle with existing as herself, but also so unabashed about it when she felt safe that Steve realized maybe he was just not looking in the right places.  Because he wants to feel that and noticing Eddie’s pretty mouth and clever fingers has made him look a little deeper.

So opening his eyes and staring upside down at Eddie’s grin and his big doe-eyes and feeling his hands in his hair as Eddie scratches along his scalp...it seems important.

Like a Moment- with a capital M.

He sighs, and Eddie tracks the rise and fall of Steve’s chest.

Eddie leans forward and knocks their foreheads together, and Steve breathes him in.  He smells like cigarettes, chlorine, and sunshine.  And he just stays there.  At some point he rumbles out a contented hum which Steve feels rattling around his head, and it makes the dizzies a little worse, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He still doesn’t love his pool, but when he’s like this, he doesn’t hate it nearly as much as he used to.

[clearexpertarcade]

matt weekends were filled with partying and beer he was in love with the college nightlife but Matt was steadily increasing his waistline without him realizing it I mean all that beer and getting high which would lead to a pig out at the end of the night Lucky for Matt the first 5 Ibs he gained went straight to his ass only making matt hotter.

Matt had managed to gain a respectable 15 pounds, covering his formerly shredded abs with a bit of a belly but no one would have called him fat or probably even noticed

Matt's love of burgers and pastries was steadily increasing his waistline without him realising it the ex-jock’s belly grew steadily each day he was growing inch by inch how could he not when Matt's diet slowly turned into one of beer, pizza, pasta, McDonald’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, and burritos. And all the partying Matt did Left him with little time to work out not that he gave it much thought

Matt said to his roommate ''am getting pizza you want anything''

Roommate “Shouldn’t you be laying off the fast food?”

Mate “Sure beats having to make my own dinner”

The roommate walked over to Matt lifted his shirt reached out and gave Matt soft layer of extra pudge a squeeze

Roommate “Maybe you ought to think about laying off the pizza a bit.”

Matt lowered his shirt “ Yes, fine Whatever Um, yeah, I’ll take 2 large meat lovers with extra cheese and the dessert cookie cake …. You want anything''

Roommate ''“That’s all for you?”

Matt “Yeah bro what do you want?”

Roommate '' am good''

Mate '' oh and a bottle of diet coke''

Roomate “Haha you enjoyed yourself.''

and enjoy himself he did Matt quite happily and stuffed himself with pizza lifting piece by piece, watching the multitude of cheeses stretch away from the rest of the pizza. He used his finger to sever the excess and toss it back into his mouth.

Matt would be meandering about the dorm room with his bare beer belly on for show. Matt would belch and rub his way around the room. Matt's roommate walked up to him and patted his belly which was starting to droop a little over the elastic waistband “Careful buddy, you’re gonna get fat.” Matt shrugged, taking another sip of his beer “I’ll still hit the gym and run, you know? It will all balance out in the end.”

Matt didn't listen to his roommate's warning and continued pigged out in every sense of the word and his belly grew wider and wider, drooping lower and lower, his once flat chest was developing into a heavy pair of moobs.

Matt kept convincing himself that his 36" pants still fit he’d suck in his growing belly and grunt and groan “Damn it,” he grunted, attempting to get the button in his jeans to reach the hole. Matt tried buttoning them but they wouldn’t close ''Just suck in. Just suck it in''. These fit the last time Matt wore them.

Matt tossed himself against his bed pushing himself onto the bed. Sure enough, he managed to get the ends to meet and do up his pants. Sitting up was a little uncomfortable, but at least his pants were fastened.

Later that night Matt and his roommate kicked back watched TV down some beers and got high. Time melted away as they talked and In what seemed like no time at all, Matt had downed two beers The button of his shorts groaned audibly but didn’t give. As Matt leaned forward to reach for his third beer but suddenly he heard the button on his shorts groan. There was a pinch at his waist, then a loud snap, and the pressure dissipated immediately from his waist as his button went flying across the room. His zipper gave under the pressure of his surging belly and jiggled wildly on his lap, jutting forward even farther than it had before, leaving his belly completely exposed, pale, flabby, and jiggly right before his roommate's eyes.

“You’ve gotten fat, man Looks like you could use some new shorts I can't believe you just busted out your pants. You need to lay off the burgers and beer, big guy.''

“Man,” Matt gave his belly a jiggle, “I am getting’ fuckin’ fat dude. I need to hit the gym. I didn’t notice how big this puppy was getting!”

Matt stood shirtless in front of his 3-sided mirror with his shorts busted open and gave his belly a squeeze and grabbed a handful of his flesh. He gasped and he felt his fingers press deeply into his soft stomach. It felt like bread dough being kneaded between his fingers. It was then that Matt realized that the Fat Gut he saw looking in the mirror was his. He screamed aloud in shock when he realized that he was fat.

[toptierteaser]

Oblivious Fatty

It’s so funny. How surprised you are. Every time you look down at your stomach. Every time you struggle to run. Every time your clothes are a bit snug or the seatbelt starts to cut into your midsection.

                You’ve gotten fat. I know how difficult it is for you to understand that. I know how in denial you are about this whole thing. But it’s the truth. You’re blimping up, fat boy! You’ve really packed on some weight!

                It’s been funny, watching you balloon! Barely even registering what you’re doing to yourself. Blaming everything and everyone but yourself whenever you encounter a problem, a difficulty, a challenge because of your new size.

                You just stand there, eating. Or, more often, you sit, loafing around in your underwear, fat spilling out over your thighs, your chubby tummy poking further and further out onto your lap as your stomach expands into a gut. Your man tits have gotten softer, pushing out uncontrollably as you stuff yourself. Your ass is larding out behind you, beneath you, swallowing your underwear between your juicy, rubbing cheeks. You can’t even sit properly anymore, fatty, for all the fat you’ve packed onto your ballooning butt, your ample love handles, all those delicious rolls of fat encasing your sides!

                And for all that, you’re too oblivious to even notice what’s happening to you! You just complain as you squirm in your chair, stuffing yourself with big macs and fistfuls of fries, whining about how the armrests hug your sides. Grunting like a piglet as you try to yank your shorts up over your fat ass, as you wrestle with your belly to try to get the button closed. A donut hanging from your mouth—a “quick breakfast,” you called it—as you blubber and jiggle, pathetically trying to squeeze into your own clothes!

                Maybe if you realized what you’ve been doing to yourself, you could actually do something about it! Go for a jog every once in a while, squeeze your body into your old workout gear and hit the gym, eat a vegetable every now and then…but you won’t. And now, I’m starting to think you can’t. That the fat, lard boy I see before me has almost completely taken over, that the fit jock inside has been all but lost. I can still see him, in your face, buried deep beneath layers of fat. You’ve just porked up like a ridiculous blubber boy! And you aren’t stopping anytime soon!

                It would be sad how indigant you get when I tell you these things…it would be sad, if it wasn’t so pathetic. If it wasn’t so funny watching you blush when I point out the sliver of fleshy belly that pokes out between your shirt and your waistband. If you didn’t start to pant when I poke your giving love handles, if you didn’t get so flustered when I grab your squishy stomach and give it a jiggle! If you weren’t always struggling to keep up with me, complaining that I walk too fast. If you didn’t binge every time I teased you because you don’t know how else to deal with your emotions.

                Maybe, if you weren’t so defensive, you could come to terms with what has happened to you. Maybe you wouldn’t be larding out of all your clothes. Maybe you wouldn’t be trying to do things your former fit body was once able to do. Maybe you wouldn’t be out of shape. Maybe that fat tummy and ballooning ass wouldn’t bump into things so much, knock things over, rub against people as you try to waddle by, unaware of your newfound size.

                Maybe, if you came to terms with the fact that you’ve gotten fat, you would od something about it.

                But instead, you keep eating. You keep blimping. You keep growing. And that’s been a whole lot of fun for me…

                Maybe it’s for the best that you stay oblivious, fat boy. Maybe it’s for the best that you just keep being a greedy piggy…

[louiesselfshipramblings]

Straw Hat Headcanons! (And selfship eligibility cause like this is a selfship blog still)

Monkey D. Luffy: Nothing really major. Just darker skin to reflect his Fantasy Brazil heritage, and frizzier hair. I don't wanna say just what Iñaki Godoy looks like, but...yeh, what Iñaki Godoy looks like. Self ship eligibility...no shade to peeps who do, love ya, but I see my boy Luffy as AroAce king. Man was immune to a fruit literally EVERY man was vulnerable to, and he didn't even realize it! On the scale, 0/10 [for me personally].

Roronoa Zoro: Yeh similar to Luffy. Prob darker skin, but him being Japanese, I get a paler complexion. Also he is def a closeted gay man for Sanji. Gonna be so cool when they find the One Piece and the two make out. Very progressive and cool. Tho he's not my type; too emotionally unavailable, and passes it off as being "cool". Fuck you, Zoro! But I still love your goofy ass. Be silly again! 1/10

Nami: NAMI!!!! She should be FAT!! She should be BIG!!! She should be able to eat everything she wants now because she's a free pirate, goddammit!!! And she should still be seen as beautiful cause she's a Straw Hat!!! LET HER KILL PEOPLE WITH HER CLIMATE BATON, YOU LET HER DO THAT IN PUNK HAZARD AND NEVER AGAIN ODA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! (Can you see who I made this list for. Shush, it's a secret.) I was late on the Nami train tbh, but when I hoped on I hoped HARD. Nami is so wife...I wanna make her happy...I get it, Sanji...now move it and let me date her! You can have Zoro! Oh, and I could personally see her as pan. 11/10

Usopp: Please. Come on. You know what I'm gonna say. Usopp, my boy...he needs his melanin back even though he barely had it in the first place in both anime and manga but sshhhhhh. The boy's South African, and is explicitly played by the clearly black Jacob Romero Gibson. I suppose Oda is bad at coloring and all, but I see you Toei. I see you still keeping Blackbeard black while making Usopp paler. Racist ass studio...also, no donut lips. I'd still say he'd have thicker lips, but not exaggerated to that, and if it don't work with the style, don't have em, no biggie. And Oda CAN draw Usopp without them cause he DID when he drew Jacob AS Usopp in that promotional letter, SO WHY DON'T YOU DRAW USOPP MORE LIKE JACOB NOW, ODA!?!?!? Ahem...I feel Usopp could be a bi boy. Genderfluid, or maybe in a way to boost his ego. You understand. Personally, I feel I would have to be very lucky to get with GOD Usopp, but maybe, just maybe...6/10.

Sanji: Tbh, he got off most easy for the New World redesigns. Really only switched his bangs and grew some beard. Kinda ugly but in that charming way, ya know? No real changes, he can be the Straw Hats local white boy. Just...please tone down the pervness. I was joking with the Luffy-Iñaki stuff, but please, make Sanji like he is in the live action. I will say he's been on good behavior since Fish-Man Island, so...I'd say Sanji is bi, maybe gay, but I find it funny the hypotheticals that a bi Sanji would be useless cause he couldn't hit men or women. But anyway Sanji is the reason Zoro comes outta the closet and they kiss at the end. But for me...he's not my type, but less not my type than Zoro, so...2/10

Tony Tony Chopper: Oh, Chopper. Poor, poor little thing you. Salty was right; Enies Lobby was the last time you were allowed to be interesting. Tho, I agree, with all the New World upgrades, I suppose controllable Monster Point was the one thing he needed...I mean I feel accessing his other forms without the Rumble Ball is fine enough. Maybe like...semi controllable Monster Point? I dunno. I feel his New World design cutes him up too much...reduce the hat down a bit and keep the goofier face he had from Drum Island, aka the best damn arc in the manga, argue with the wall. Man, I really hope he gets some cool shit when his Human-Human Fruit awakens, RIGHT, Oda!?!? Oh and self shipping? Uh...that's a child. -1/10

Nico Robin: Robin...oh, I love you. Not as much as Nami as I've come to realize, as she's a bit more my type but gosh I love Robin. She's been gettin a lotta love recently, for obvious reasons if keepin up, which I like. Main things with her is bring her bangs back (which the manga is already doin for super emotional reasons), and like Usopp, give her darker skin! Doesn't have to be as dark as Usopp, but some darker complexion would be nice. "But it was a tan, she's Russian". A tan she had for TWENTY YEARS? And only lost over a TWO year time skip? There can be black Russians. Toei inadvertently cooked early on and they were cowards for reversing that. I make it secret I enjoy thicker women, but honestly I think Robin works better as a lanky beanpole. Not to the...proportions Oda draws but def lean and tall. Good contrast to her buff hubby Franky. For fits, I'd really liked to see her wear more mom-style fits, or back to Cowboy Robin. Cowboy Robin was peak, argue with the wall. I feel she could be pan, maybe demigirl? Feels right with her powers, oddly enough. And like yeah, she's my fave behind Nami for Straw Hat self ship. 9/10

Franky: Franky is already SUPER perfect as is, and even his New World style has grown on me. Buuuuuuut...ugh, the shoulder pads...too much. I get he's top heavy, but that's just a bridge too far. I like his forearms being bigger, those should be kept. And maybe less "meaty"/thick fingers; I like em big, but it's funny he has a second pair of small hands in em. Def some more mechanical detail over his bod. His default hair should also go back to the pomp. I like the gimmick he changes it each arc, but the standard buzzcut kinda sucks. Like actually. You gotta understand, I consider pre-time skip Franky perfect character design. Legit, Oda peaked with him. Franky, def bi, but I could see him being trans! Maybe a bit on the nose with the whole "rebuilt himself" background, but it could work! Robin too, tbh. They can be t4t. Not my preferred, but cute! As he is, Franky is def a hunk. I like em big, yeh, and would prefer him fat strong, but strong on its own is nice. 7/10

Brook: Oh, Brook. Poor, poor Brook. It would have been so much better had there been another full arc between Thriller Bark and Sabaody to really get you with the crew (whichyoucankindaachivebywatchingFilmStrongWorldinbetweenTBandSAbutanactualbreatherarcbeforethetimeskipwouldhavebeennice), but even then you are still the best Straw Hat. Again. The wall. Suppose it's made up for the fact he's with the gang for the whole arc even before officially joining, which hadn't been done since, like, Usopp on Syrup Village, damn. But yeh! Like Franky, I kinda consider Brook's pre-time skip design peak, and his New World fit...bad. I get what it's goin for, but it's too many ideas! I feel Oda realizes that cause a lot of Brook's fits have been just his old look (Dressrosa, Whole Cake, Onigashima), which is nice. Skeleton in a suit and top hat, it's a classic. I like the crown hat tho for the "Soul King" aesthetic, but maybe smaller. More top hat than crown. And maybe he can just have themed suits, ya know? And yeh...like Sanji, turn down the perv elements. Like, it was funny the first two times cause "Haha, a skeleton asked for WHAT!?" but it lost its luster after that. At the very least, he's been on good behavior; last he did it genuinely was Punk Hazard I think, but he also pulled it on Big Mom at the end of Whole Cake is a genuinely awesome way (makes sense in context). Also, I feel Brook should be black. I get he's a skeleton now, obvs, but I dunno. Feels right for the Soul King. I have a feeling he'd be asexual—not out of choice, but...ya know—and maybe some level of agender? He is a skeleton after all. Who knows what being like that does do your personal perception. As a partner...eh. I love him, but as a friend! I'd wanna be a string duet with him! I feel Brook should be with a very specific type of person, ya know? Not that he's not my type, just I'm not for him. 3/10

Jimbei: Honestly, I'm not as madly in love with Jimbei as everyone else is! Yeah, he's great. Great in Impel Down, Fish-Man Island, Whole Cake, Wano. He's great! But I'm not drooling over him like some peeps are. And hey, more power to ya! Not much I'd change about his design...maybe make him thicker? Like, fat fat! Around the arms and such! Make him look like a strongman; would contrast nice to Franky's more bodybuilder-inspired physique. Maybe show off him being a lil older too? Gray streaks in his hair, hair a lil frizzy? Idk, just rambling. Tbh, Jimbei is either gay or straight. Feels right for him. As for me...he'd be a decent catch. Get it. Cause. Fish? Heh...5/10.

And that's em all! Granted, I have a few other, bigger OP crushes. Not many more (Perona, Law, Lilith), and I could include some honorary Straw Hats like my daughter Vivi and the cool boy guy man Yamato and maybe Lilith again cause I have theories tee hee hee. But eh, wanted to cover the main crew, so if I do wanna cover the others, I'll do it in a reblog. Who knows.

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Work it Out

Bang Chan x Female reader

Word count: 3.1k (DRABBLES I TELL YOU!)

Synopsis: Chan asks you to come check out the new pilates machines the guys just got but poor Channie is not very bendy, unlike you.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Cursing/strong language, oral (f receiving), overstimulation/forced orgasm, squirting, unprotected piv sex (please use protection always but ESPECIALLY if you have multiple partners!), cum shot, cum eating, rimming, lots of dirty talking, alluding to having unprotected anal sex and cream pie, praise, pet names (baby, of course baby girl), rough sex, slight dumification, spit play (a little), I think that's it, there's a lot in this so if I missed something please do let me know so I can add it!

After Jisung made you cum three times on his tongue, which is not an easy feat to do, he helped you try to not look quite so fucked out when you were getting ready to leave. You went to walk out of the studio so Jisung could get back to work and he gently grabbed your wrist and stopped you.  

“Are you... are we...” He looked so worried. You smiled and hugged Jisung then pecked his lips and took a line from Minho’s book. 

“Don’t think too much okay? We’re two friends that wanted to screw around and so we did. Did you like it?” Jisung let out a deep breath and laughed. 

“Fuck yes!” You smiled sweetly at him. 

“Good I did too, maybe we can do it again some time.” Jisung seemed much calmer seeing you so relaxed and after hearing you say that. 

“Absolutely!” He said, his smile beaming. 

“Good now I’ll see you this Monday for board game night. Tell Seungmin I said no Monopoly it makes Felix sad when he has to go to jail.” You pecked his lips one more time and left the studio. The Monday night game night ended up being chaos as usual. Since Seungmin couldn’t pick Monopoly he picked Life instead and when Felix lost his job and got a lawsuit he started to get those big sparkly anime eyes. You made a mental note to remind yourself to put salt in Seungmin’s next cup of coffee for making Yongbok sad. Chan who was sitting next to you during the board game, leaned over and whispered. 

“Don’t put salt in Seungmin’s coffee...” You giggled a little and whispered back. 

“How did you-” Chan laughed and his eyes scrunched up. 

“It’s practically written on your face. He found a loophole fair and square.” You pressed your lips together. 

“I’m not convinced. What about mayo in a donut?” Chan shook his head no. 

“Toothpaste in his orange juice?” Chan cringed. 

“Remind me never to make you mad.” You laughed. 

“Oh yea! I almost forgot! We got a couple new pilates machines set up in the workout room now. Haven’t got to use them yet why don’t you come over tomorrow and we can check em out!” 

“Sounds good to me!” You looked over at Seungmin who was smirking as his eyes were zeroed in on poor Felix just as he realized he was getting divorced in the game. You leaned over to Chan and whispered again. 

“Oh that’s it me and Felix are baking him a batch of salted cookies together.” Chan laughed and shook his head.  

The next day you met Chan to do pilates as discussed. When Chan answered the door and saw you he lagged for a second. You were standing there in a sports bra and spandex shorts, hair pulled back, water bottle in hand. Chan of course was in his signature shorts and tank top with a pair of under armor leggings underneath in addition. He quickly caught up with his brain and moved aside to let you in. 

“Hey y/n! You ready?” You walked in bouncing on your toes. 

“Oh yea already did some stretching. I’m loosey goosey.” You bent over and touched your toes. Chan cleared his throat and tried to not look at your full round ass, unsuccessfully. You popped back up and so did Chan’s eyes. 

“So let’s check these things out. Maybe you’ll be able to bend a little easier with the machine’s help.” Chan nodded.  

“Maybe I guess we’ll see.” He led you to the room they designated for the gym equipment and when you walked in there were two pilates reformers set up right next to each other. You ran over to the first one. 

“Okay it’s super cool that you guys have these. Let's get going Channie boy, hop on.” Chan raised his eyebrow at you and you rolled your eyes but giggled. 

“Get your head out of the gutter and get on your machine.” He laughed and his dimples appeared as he got onto the machine next to yours. You started with a few simple exercises first and Chan seemed to be keeping up okay. You tried one a bit harder and you could hear Chan starting to grunt, which did things to your body at the most inappropriate of times. You pushed those thoughts and feelings down and moved into another position that really bent and stretched you out. Chan screamed out dramatically in pain and let go flopping down on the machine. 

“Oh come on Channie we just started.” You stretched into the pose deeper. He was red and sweaty and the veins on his neck and arms were popping. Focus. 

“No way I can’t do that, I’m not bendy. I’ll just help you. You can spot me on weights later.” Chan winked at you and you felt your body betray you and flush again. Chan looked you over in your position. 

“Wow you’re really bendy!” You again tried to pull yourself together and started the next exercise. Chan placed his hand on your leg and helped you stretch and lean into the new pose while keeping you steady. His hand gently squeezed the soft flesh it held onto as your leg came back down. 

“I saw this really good stretch for your adductors. Move and get on like this.” He guided you to lay on your back, hips at the edge of the carriage, legs up, and bent at the knee. Then he grabbed the pully straps and helped you place your feet in them. 

“There now push into the straps on your feet.” You did. You grunted and you could feel the muscles of your inner thighs contract. You relaxed back into the resting position which you couldn’t lie didn’t leave much to the imagination with your shorts on, you just hoped they weren’t wet with all that moaning and groaning Chan was doing earlier. Suddenly Chan stepped over the side rail of the machine and was between your legs. He put his hands on the insides of your thighs and your whole body buzzed. 

“Push again.” You pressed into the pully straps and felt Chan squeeze as your thighs tightened. 

“You feel that?” His voice was an octave lower. You blushed and nodded, a little sweat starting to bead on your forehead. You relaxed and slid back into your original position and Chan’s crotch was perfectly lined up with yours. His hands slid from the insides of your thighs to the outsides and started massaging up and down, getting dangerously close to your ass each time. 

“I need to tell you something but I need to preface this something by first saying I’m not just a pervert or anything.” You scrunched up your face and looked at the position you were in and then him. 

“Yea okay but seriously.” You laughed and nodded. 

“Okay let the record reflect that Chan is in fact not just a pervert.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

“Just tell me what you need to tell me Channie.”  

“Okay so I was going through unnamed files on the computer at the studio and I came across one that was really long, which was weird. So I put my headphones in and clicked it and... well... it seems as though Jisung accidently hit studio record when you guys were uh...” Chan did not even need to finish the sentence you knew exactly what he was going to say. 

“Oh my fucking god you heard us!?” Your head thunked down on the carriage and your hands covered your eyes. Chan kept rubbing your thighs trying to reassure you. 

“No all of it! Well at least not at first.” You looked through your fingers as Chan stood nervously between your legs. 

“What do you mean not at first?” Chan bit at his plump bottom lip. 

“Well I went to click it off right? And I accidently skipped ahead and maybe might have heard your moaning.” You looked at him waiting for the rest of his explanation. 

“So you know I turned it off quickly after that but your moaning was echoing in my head after hearing it through my headphones. I’m not proud but I clicked it back on and listened to Jisung eat you out. Your moans were so fucking pretty and my dick has been rock hard every time I’m around you since and I just really want to taste your pussy and fuck you right on this machine, make you moan like that for me. Make you scream for me.” He slid his hands down your thighs again but this time he gripped your ass by the handful. You would be a bold-faced liar if you said your cunt didn’t clench and gush hearing Chan say those words and grabbing you. If your shorts weren’t ruined before they definitely were now. You were apprehensive regardless of how your body was reacting. 

“Chan I... I have to be honest Jisung isn’t the only one of the guys that I’ve... well... done stuff with...” Chan nodded.  

“I know baby girl you were with Minho.” 

“And Changbin.”  

“Oh.” You looked away embarrassed and covered your face not wanting to see how Chan was surely looking at you, waiting for the disgust and slut shaming that was sure to come. You had fucked or sucked three of his friends and now look at you, dripping and clenching for him. Chan leaned over you and pulled your hands away. 

“Hey, I don’t care if you’ve messed around with them. That’s none of my business. My business is here between these sexy legs.” Chan palmed and rubbed your pussy with his whole hand over your tight shorts and you let out a choked moan. 

“Should I stop?” You should say yes. You definitely shouldn’t be fucking a fourth friend but your brain wasn’t making the decicisons anymore. 

“No...” You said breathy as he pressed his fingers harder against your cunt rubbing you up and down slowly. 

“Don’t stop Channie.” He hummed and smiled. 

“You gonna let me eat that pretty pussy?” You nodded as you started panting. 

“Yes Channie.”  

“Mhm... you gonna let me fuck your tight little hole on this machine yea?” Your shorts were completely soaked with your juices as Chan rubbed your whole pussy faster. 

“Mmmm! YES CHANNIE! Want you to fuck me so hard on this!” Chan knelt down in front of your wet shorts he gripped the seam of them and ripped them apart exposing your perfect glazed cunt.  

“So fucking pretty, god damn baby girl, such a pretty little pussy. Needs cleaned though.” Chan’s tongue swiped through your folds. 

“Taste so sweet, sweet little cunt, gonna eat it so good.” Chan hooked his arms around your legs that were still suspended in the pully straps and started to go crazy on your pussy. Licking sucking slurping, he’d stop long enough to spred your pussy lips and spit on your cunt before rubbing it all over your clit hard and then diving back in and slurping on you more. You could feel his saliva and your arousal dripping down your ass. Chan’s tongue swiped lower collecting your juices and his spit and when his tongue gently brushed against your asshole you clenched hard. Chan’s grip around your thighs tightened. 

“You like how it feels when I lick your ass baby girl? Want me to eat that too you pretty little thing? Come here give me that tight little hole.” Chan let go of your legs and pushed your thighs back so your asshole and pussy were easily accessible. Chan spit on your sensitive pussy then on your asshole and started gently teasing it with the tip of his tongue. He was eye level with your cunt and saw how hard you clenched when he teased it. It egged him on and he started eating your ass with enthusiasm, licking a broad stripe from hole to clit from time to time, sucking on the sensitive bundle of nerves before tonguing your ass again. Chan’s fingers started teasing your clit as he continued to circle his tongue around your asshole and you came so hard you were screaming Chan’s name, thankful none of the other guys were home. 

“CHAN OH FUCK... CH-CHANNIE FUCK FUCK YES!” Both of your hands rested on Chan’s head and pushed his face against your ass and pussy harder. He fucking loved it he wrapped his arms around your legs again and was ravenous the way he continued to push you through your orgasm into overstimulation. 

“CHAN FUCK CHAN F- YOU GOTTA ST-FUCK GOTTA STOP!” He only hummed shaking his head no. He was hell bent on making you cum again. He slid two fingers inside of you and started pumping them deep and hard as he drank everything your dripping cunt gave him. He stopped eating your pussy long enough to coach and praise you. 

“Such a good girl, don’t squirm now baby girl fuck so good, taste amazing, can’t get enough of eating you. Want you to cum for me again baby girl, want you to squirt on my face.” He started sucking on your clit hard, pumping his fingers into you with precision hitting that detonate button inside you over and over again. He hummed as he sucked hard on your clit and you were glad your feet were in those straps. Your body contorted, your back arching as you came as hard as you ever had and started squirting. Chan finger fucked you harder slurping at your juices until your legs trembled in the straps. Finally Chan pulled off of you. You laid there chest heaving up and down legs shaking still being held up by the pully straps. Chan stood up, whipped his shirt off and wiped his face before tossing it then dropping his shorts, pants, and briefs all at once. He leaned over you and you could feel his warm hard cock press against your extremely sensitive cunt. He grabbed your sports bra and ripped it apart freeing your breasts which he immediately started sucking on as he continued to rub his throbbing cock against your slick folds making you twitch and shudder. He squeezed your tits and pushed them together. You laid there still in a haze from the mind-blowing orgasms. 

“Condom baby girl?” You just shook your head side to side. 

“B-I’m on... I’m on birth control.” Chan bit his bottom lip so hard he drew blood. 

“You’re gonna let me fuck you raw baby girl?” You took another deep breath still trying to come down and nodded. 

Chan grabbed his cock and lined it up with your drenched hole. 

“Such a good girl letting me take her hole raw. I’m gonna fuck you so hard and then I’m gonna cum all over your cute fucked out little cunt.” You nodded and Chan slid his cock in and bottomed out in you immedetly. 

“CHANNIE!” He cooed at you. 

“I know baby I know shh shh, I said I’m gonna fuck your pretty little pussy hard and I’m going to fuck you hard.” He held onto your hips and started fucking you hard and deep, his hips slapping into your plump ass over and over as he railed you on the new pilates machine. 

“Tell me baby girl how’s that feel huh? You like the way my cock feels raw inside you?” You nodded babbling back to him unable to control the level of your voice and shouting. 

“Raw! YES RAW! Fuck me raw Channie! SO FUCKING GOOD CHANNIE! CH-CHANNIE I’M GONNA...” Your orgasm came out of nowhere as you continued to scream Chan’s name over and over. 

“God fuck yes squeeze my cock baby, cum all over it. I’m not done with you yet baby keep going.” He started teasing your clit and electricity buzzed through your whole body. The grunt that came from you was guttural as Chan pushed you past overstimulation again. 

“Can- ca-can't Channie fuck fuck I can’t.” Chan pushed sweaty fly aways out of your face and made you look at him. 

“You’re gonna.” With that Chan gripped your hips and started fucking you just as hard as he had been before. You laid there limp on that machine letting it hold your legs up for you at that point as Chan absolutely punished your pussy with his cock. 

“Next time you’re gonna let me fuck that tight little ass yea? Give me that little hole? FUCK have you ever been fucked in your ass baby girl?” You shook your head no unable to speak. 

“Oh you’ll be so tight baby I’d blow so fast, then watch you squeeze out my cum OH FUCK! You’d let me fuck your ass raw too right baby girl. Pump my cum deep in your ass and make you squeeze it back out.” Your whole body moved with his relentless thrusts, you nodded again. Chan spit on your pussy and then took four fingers and started rubbing them firmly and quickly over your clit as his cock filled you again and again, his spit and your juices dripping down his dick, your legs and ass. He rubbed your pussy as he fucked it hard and you started to squirt again. The moan that came from you turned into a whine and then just heavy breaths. Your cunt tried to force Chan’s cock out as you came hard but he held on to the base and kept shoving himself in deeper, again and again as your cum kept squirting out of you with each thrust. You were twitching, legs shaking, pulling at your hair and breasts. Chan’s hips started to falter. He pulled out his cock and started stroking it fast and hard right over your dripping swollen pussy.  

“Gonna paint this pretty cunt white... FUCK! Watch me cum on you baby, watch now watch me cum!” When you forced yourself to lift your head just to watch Chan cum on you he moaned and his cock twitched in his hand and he started coming. Stripes of his hot seed shot across your tummy and pussy lips and started to drip, Chan kept stroking his cock fast as more cum streaked across your slit and dripped down. He held on to his cock tightly and walked over by your face, presenting his it to you. 

“Suck it baby girl, get it all.” He put the tip of his dick in your mouth as you laid there completely fucked out again. You gently sucked on it collecting his taste and swallowing it.” Chan rubbed the tip of his cock across your pouty lips twitching and shuddering from his own overstimulation. You ran your fingers through the cum on your tummy and licked it off prompting Chan to run his fingers through your sensitive cunt and collect more before shoving three fingers in your mouth and making you suck them clean.  

“Come on, let’s go shower. Wanna see you wash that pussy real good for me and I’ll let you eat all my cum you want baby girl.”  

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[houseofbrat]

How do you think about KP’s new PR reel video?

Did everyone watch that and realize that Kate isn't "out of the woods" yet?

I sure did!

Yes, that's sarcasm.

A video that doesn't tell us much of anything except that she "finished chemotherapy."

And wouldn't you know it, she gives no specific details of what we can expect from her in the future.

In March, she was "well and getting stronger every day."

In June, she was "making good progress."

Almost three months later when she has "finished chemotherapy," her "path to healing and full recovery is long and I must continue to take each day as it comes."

Well, gee, if that doesn't spell it out for everyone. Those are some crystal clear communication skills she or her pr flunky has!

And think of the contrast of Kate spending multiple moments filming her pr video for this statement compared to what happened two years ago yesterday, when Queen Elizabeth II died just days after meeting with her last Prime Minister, Liz Truss.

Look at that.

An elderly woman, who we now know, was suffering and likely in great pain. We can see the big bruise on her right hand. But there she is doing her job to her country to her last breath.

Not Kate.

She is not interested in serving her country. She's participating in multiple video sessions for her perfume-like ad to announce that she's done with "chemotherapy." It's "chemotherapy" this time around. Back in March, it was "preventative chemotherapy," which would really be adjuvant therapy.

And yet not one video announcement or zoom call for any of her charities or patronages. Obviously it's something she can do, when she clearly spent more than one afternoon or day filming this video.

And what do we really know from this announcement that we didn't know last week? Not much. Except Will & Kate are now comfortable snuggling up to each other on camera. For public release.

So basically we're back to what all the reporting was at the beginning of the summer. That Kate "may not appear in public for the rest of the year," in an article from 24 May 2024. Or the real truth that Kate has no intention of coming back to her public role, and people at the palace have known this since the beginning of the summer, aka June. Information we had months ago that Kate is confirming now.

If Kate's choosing to be a recluse had to do with her medical treatment, then there would be no way that they would know that until her treatment had finished. Except that everyone who works at the palaces seems to know that. It's the reason why King Charles gave Kate the Order of the Companions of Honour instead of the Order of St. John or the Garter. It's the reason why Sophie was wearing the Lotus Flower tiara at the state banquet in June.

Kate isn't quitting due to her health. She's quitting for other reasons.

For those who aren't parked up Will & Kate's ass--in other words, normal people with functioning brains--we can all see something else is up.

We're back to Benoit Blanc's donut hole metaphor.

[flufallo]

Um.... I found a random quote generator

Cat king: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Charles: Actually, Edwin is my favourite.

Cat king: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Edwin: Do you have a self-care routine?

Jenny: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Charles : Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Niko: Ooh, yes please!

Jenny, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Charles: It's not a bug though...

Jenny: ...

Niko: ...

Jenny: Well I still don't want to see.

Niko, realizing: Please don't throw-

Charles : Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Monty: Edwin keeps forgetting which WiFi network they're supposed to use.

Monty: So I renamed ours to "Edwin, use this one" to help them out a little.

Charles: How would you like your coffee?

Crystal : As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Charles, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Cat king: Fuck you.

Esther : No u.

Cat king: I'm down.

Esther : You're like 2, what the fuck-

Cat king: I AM NOT 2!

Cat king: Monty is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.

Charles: Yes.

Crystal : You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.

Monty: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-

Charles: What truce?

Cat king: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.

Esther : Wait, I'm a choir kid!

Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Jenny: The fuck, no I'm not.

Edwin : Excuse the hell out of you?

Cat king: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Charles: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Niko: Rude.

Esther : *punches the person*

Cat king: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Esther : At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Cat king: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Esther : Somehow that's worse

Jenny: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Monty: What makes a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

Edwin: A stab wound.

Jenny: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Monty: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Niko: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Crystal : Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Niko: I just want someone to take me out.

Crystal : On a date?

Cat king: With a sniper gun?

Esther : Both if you're not a coward.

Esther : OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Monty: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Cat king: Is this mistletoe?

Edwin: Uh, no, no, that is basil.

Cat king: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.

Edwin: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Charles: You know what’s funny about Edwin? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably.

Charles: I’ve only had Edwin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Cop: What are your names?

Esther: Don't tell them, Cat king.

Cop, writing: Cat king...

Esther: Crap.

Cat king: Nice going, Esther.

Cop:

Cat king: Uh oh.

Monty: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.

Charles: Is that… bad?

Monty: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.

Charles: Isn’t that just causality?

Monty: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.

Charles: So what are my odds?

Monty: Do you have a family history?

Charles: Of what?

Monty: Just, in general.

Charles: …Yes?

Monty: Oh no.

Niko, texting Edwin : *sends a voice message*

Edwin , texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Niko: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Edwin : *presses play*

Niko's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Monty: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Esther , used to Monty being dumb: Sure...

Monty: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Esther : Okay?

Monty: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Esther :

Monty: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Esther : Jesus, that one is a little-

Jenny, interested: No, no, Monty, keep going.

Crystal : But we’re friends! I was building up to calling you a nickname soon!

Edwin: That’ll never happen! In fact, you just lost “Edwin” privileges. From now on, you can call me by my last name or ‘Hey, you.’.

Crystal : Come on, Edwin.

Edwin: *glares*

Crystal : Come on, Hey you.”

Crystal : That shirt looks great, Charles.

Charles: Thanks.

Crystal : But I bet it would look even better on Edwin's floor.

Edwin: Are you hitting on Charles... for me?

Cat king: What do we think of Monty?

*pause*

Charles: *sighs* Nice pal.

Crystal : I think they're gay.

Esther : What am I supposed to do?

Monty: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Esther : I’m an atheist.

Monty: Then just get ready to die I guess

*playing twister*

Crystal : Right hand red.

Charles: *ends up on top of Edwin *

Edwin: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Crystal : I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice

Cat king: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Edwin: We're chopsticks!

Cat king: Well... that's cute!

Cat king: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Charles: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Monty: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Edwin: Sure!

Edwin: Whats your favorite color?

Monty, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Edwin: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows

Cat king, to Esther : All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Cat king: I’m a bad person, I’m a very bad person, I’m a horrible person.

The Squad:

Cat king: No you’re not, Cat king! We still love you, Cat king!

Esther : This should be illegal!

Jenny: It is.

Jenny: What scares you guys the most?

Charles: Werewolves!

Niko: Sharks.

Edwin: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Monty:

Monty: Edwin.

Charles: What do you think Cat king will do for a distraction?

Edwin: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Edwin: ...or they could do that.

Charles: Pfft, you should meet Niko, they're such a tsundere.

Monty: They... they just stabbed you.

Charles: So cute.

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Niko: But we lost Esther .

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

*Cat king falls over*

Monty: Cat king! Are you alright?

Cat king: Is that you, God?

Monty: What?

Cat king: It's just, you sound a lot more like Monty than I expected.

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

wip and a... life update?

Hi there. It's been a hot minute. I've been tagged by a lot of people to share multiple wips on multiple Wednesday. I haven't really engaged with you in a while, and for that I apologize.

Rambles, life updates and feels ahead, you do not have to read it all. I just want to say: thank you for being part of my amazing fandom journey. Without you guys, WYGTYA wouldn't be where it is today :'). I don't know how much I will be posting, but I want to finish my stories, because I have plans I am very excited about in terms of plot. But lately I've been pulled into other incredible fandoms and their contents just scream: CONSUME ME!! READ ME!! And it's all a bit hard to manage. Right now, I am trying to find excitement in the uncertainty of my future. Keep tagging me in WIP Wednesdays so this way I can post the parts that I have with Syndolin, too, and get a reaction and maybe not suffer alone about the fact that I ship him with Ravonna so much that I am considering updating this fic's pairings.

Relatable piece of chapter 18 of WYGTYA and Ravvy's feels about returning to Vivec:

Nostalgia follows her like a stray dog desperate for food. So desperate, in fact, that it might start eating her alive. It’s here, it’s there, it’s in every step she takes, and she didn’t know what to expect but it certainly wasn’t this. How do you come back to a place where you spent the best years of your life after you had to leave, forced like a knife out of a vital organ?

Anyway, you do not have to post a wip wednesday or anything, this is just to say 'thank you': @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @dirty-bosmer @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @illumiera @thelavenderelf @spooky-donut-ghost-house your comments kept me going and pulled me out of very dark writer thoughts more times than I can count <3 And to anyone who has the unfortune to have this on their dash haha, if you tagged me in a wip, or if you read my fic or interacted with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart <3 <3

Okay I'll spare you all and put the big-ass life update under the cut

Truth is, I'm doing very weird mentally. I'm at a point in my life where I truly have no idea what's next, and 2024 has been one of my best years, with two different exchange semesters and I don't know how anything will compare. I know I haven't been active on here anymore last year, but I grew so, so much as a person, and I realized that I am stronger than I thought. It may sound silly, but I keep patting myself on the back for being able to adapt and live on my own for a year in two different countries where I knew no one. I went in there not knowing a single soul and left with tears in my eyes and wonderful friends. People that managed to heal this heart of mine that I didn't even know was kind of wounded. People that I truly feel safe around to be myself with 0 judgement coming from them. People who I miss so much that it hurts somewhere in the core of my chest. But now it's over, and I'm back in my homecountry with mixed feelings. I love it here. It's home, right? It's my family, my besto friendo, and my original group of friends who all cannot wait to spend time with me. (which is another existential crisis all on its own. My absence led me to the realization that people actually miss me so much and actually love me and choose to spend time out of their day with me. And I don't want them to miss me, but I also want to be selfish and live for myself because I only have this one life) But is this home all the home there ever will be in my life? I don't think I want that. I want to travel more. Actually not just travel. I want to have so many different jobs in as many different countries, because everywhere I go, I tend to find a way to make it home, even though it's not a house (it's a city, a room dedicated for board games, a rented apartment with 4 other girls, a Ramen place, and about three different Irish Pubs)

To me it is surprising, because not even in a million years was I expecting to relate to my character so much. It's kind of blending together, blurry to where I don't know when art imitates life and I write and put her in situations similar to mine as a coping mechanism, or when life imitates art and I genuinely live through stuff that I was once only thinking about and putting in word documents for an oc who wouldn't've existed if I didn't start playing Skyrim in 2021. Anyways, I did the outline for the fic until Chapter 30 waaay back in 2022, and where I am at in the story right now, Ravonna is going back to Vivec, where she spent her college years, making friends and finding families. And while her story is much more intense than mine, I cannot help but shake my head with a smile on my face as I think about how just last week I visited Austria again, and reconnected with everyone and got very in my feels about the unbearably intense nostalgia that was raining over me the whole time. I don't know what the future holds (or if Ravonna is a self-fulfilling prophecy, if it is, I am kind of fucked because I have an ending in mind and trust me, my girl is not gonna have a good time most of the time) but what I know for certain is that Austria will always have my heart, and I will always consider that semester to be one of the best times of my life, and I am so happy with the synchronization, because now I have a chance to express a part of my emotions about coming back to a place where you spent your best time, through her story. It's very bittersweet, because you miss the place, and you miss everything, even when it's right in front of your eyes because you miss what you used to have then. I know I can visit whenever I want and that I have so many friends who are still there, but I still miss what I used to have then. I never really let myself enjoy anything in life as I did the last two months I spent there. Hell, I even miss that version of me. I miss being able to live in the present and sacrificing all the time and sleep just to see my friends. But it happened, and I am so grateful that it did. I will have the memories and the friendships forever with me. But this is life, isn't it? This is what it's all about.

[leonardalphachurch]

@redvsbluesecretsanta present for @thetality !

sorry that she is late chronic fatigue has been absolutely kicking my ass please give love to @donut-entendre who without his help i would not have been able to finish this 🙏

thetality asked for something with theta and/or caboose so i decided to go with modern au fluffy bonding stuff. bc the world needs more theta caboose friendship

(also available to read on ao3)

***

Waffles Time

Theta wakes up at 3am scared and alone. Caboose takes it upon himself to make them feel a little less alone.

This can only mean one thing: it’s waffles time.

Blink. Blink blink.

Theta rubbed the sleep out of their eyes.

Wait.

Theta rubbed the sleep out of their eyes?

Oh.

Their mind was quiet, but for a buzzing of anxiety and stress. No one else was there. No welcoming. No arguing.

They looked around. The time on their watch read 2:35. AM. A message popped up. An unknown number.

They looked around. Their phone lay on the floor across the room. Even from their place on the bed, Theta could see the screen had been shattered. A dent in the wall above it.

Oh.

Theta took off their watch.

It wasn't long before footsteps lingered in the hall, pausing in front of their door.

"Church?"

Oh no.

Theta didn’t want to talk to Alpha’s friends. They didn’t want to have to answer questions and be looked at and judged and—

“Um. Please go away please.”

“Yeeeaaah... No… Are you okay? Did you also have a nightmare? Because…"

Theta fumbled for the lamp, flicking it on and wincing at the sudden brightness. Their things were a little bit everywhere.

“... but I get those all the time. Sometimes my dad dies again and-"

Boxers. Why did Alpha have to sleep in just a night shirt and boxers? The leg of a pair of sweatpants poked out of a pile on the bed. They quickly pulled it on.

“... I always hate the marshmallow dreams because Tucker always eats them all and there isn't any left… Hey, you're really quiet today!”

Oh, right. Alpha wasn’t very nice to his friends, was he.

“No I’m very normal!” Theta shouted at the door, “um. Fff.. fuck, you.” They winced at their own words.

The doorknob clicked horribly as the man pushed in.

Theta ducked under the covers. “Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.”

“Oh, you don't have to be sorry for locking the door! It was already broken - which wasn't anyone's fault - Did you forget again? I can remind you any time."

That… wasn’t why they were apologizing. But for some reason, it did help ease Theta’s worries. They peeked out from under the covers.

Towering over the bed was Caboose, complete with messy bedhead and big warm pajamas. He looked down at Theta with a large, sleepy grin. When Theta just kept staring back, his expression got contemplative.

Should… should they say something?

But there was no need, as Caboose seemed to suddenly realize something. “Oooohh.... You're the little one!”

“Um….” Theta considered lying, but they would never make a convincing Alpha. “Maybe…”

“Hello little Church!” Caboose launched himself onto the bed, bouncing a little as he landed.

Theta jumped backwards, “Um! H-hi…”

“You don’t have to run away, Little Church, we’re not playing hide and seek.”

“My name is Theta…”

“Okay. You don’t have to run away, Theta, we’re not playing hide and seek.”

“I, I know.” Theta tried to relax. Caboose wasn’t a threat. This they knew. Memories of Alpha’s friends were fuzzy and incomplete, but the emotions bled through. And the emotion Theta felt the most when looking at Caboose was an overwhelming sense of trust.

That didn’t mean that he wasn’t loud, though.

“Can you, um, sorry, um,” Theta tried to communicate their desires without words. Caboose just stared at them, waiting for the words to come. “I… need a shirt.”

It wasn’t what they’d meant to say, but it worked. Theta really wasn’t comfortable with any amount of awareness of the whole “having a body” thing, and wearing just a nightshirt didn’t help with that.

“Oh, yeah I can help with that!”

In one swift motion, too quick for Theta to protest, Caboose had removed his sweater and stuffed it over Theta’s head.

Church’s body wasn’t small by any objective measures, but compared to Caboose…

As Theta pushed their hands through the sleeves, far too large for them to even reach the ends, they felt absolutely tiny.

It was nice.

“Thank you…”

“You’re welcome!”

Caboose looked incredibly pleased with himself, sitting there now in just his own undershirt. Theta wondered if he was cold. Maybe they should give the sweater back. Alpha had a lot of shirts, they could wear any one of those.

As they started the offer, Caboose interjected, “Are you hungry?”

Theta paused. Were they hungry? Interpreting the body’s signals wasn’t always easy. Maybe that buzzing of anxiety was actually a buzzing of hunger. Only then did they notice the half eaten bag of chips on the bedside table. Was whoever last fronted recently snacking?

“I think I’m hungry, yeah.”

“Good! Let’s get Church to make us waffles.”

“Um.” Theta didn’t know what to say to that. They thought all of Alpha’s friends knew how it worked by now. This was the fear. The questions. The judgement. They didn’t know how to be someone else. “I don’t know. Um. Sorry I don’t think. Sorry I don’t. Sorry.”

Caboose stared at them as they nervously stammered out apologies. Finally, something seemed to click.

“Oh! Hm. I guess that doesn’t work. Hmmmmmmmm. Well… We can make it ourselves!”

“Oh… I don’t know how to make waffles…”

“I do! Let’s go!” Caboose announced as he leaped out of bed, racing out of the room.

“W-wait!” Theta scrambled to follow him. They really didn’t want to get out of bed, but they didn’t really want to be alone, either. Nervous to cross the threshold, they hesitated at the door frame.

“Um,” they called to Caboose, peeking slightly out of the door to see where he went, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to cook by ourselves!”

"Yes, it is an awesome idea!" Caboose declared, hanging from the doorway to catch his momentum. "We’ve got blueberries and strawberries and whipped cream and chocolate chips..."

He ducked into the room, his voice fading off, “And goldfish and cheese and mashed potatoes and blueberries and…”

Theta balked as he disappeared. “I wasn’t worried about the toppings…”

They definitely weren’t allowed to cook something at 2:30am… right? They tried to listen to their head, again. To call out to anyone there. Nothing. They wanted Delta, or Epsilon, or even Gamma. Someone in charge. Someone who could take care of things. Someone who could take care of them.

They thought back to the shattered phone on the floor. The message from the unknown number. Why had they fronted? Alone? The buzz of anxiety grew louder. Maybe they should go get their watch. They didn’t know who was texting them, but it clearly wasn’t good. Maybe it would be so not good it could trigger someone else out. Maybe they wouldn’t have to be alone—

“Here!”

Theta jumped at Caboose’s return. They’d been so caught up in their own thoughts they didn’t hear him approach. They blinked as they tried to reground themself, taking in the sight of the large man before them.

Caboose had grabbed a shirt identical to the one he was just wearing, that Theta was now wearing, and he was holding a…

Oh my gosh.

In Caboose’s outstretched hands was a large, LARGE bear plushie. Its huge, round belly was almost the size of Theta’s entire torso. But it’s head, oh man, it’s head was tiny. Barely the size of their fist. It’s arms and legs were stuffed at its sides, the proportions all out of whack. It’s fur looked like the softest thing Theta had ever felt.

It was incredible.

“Wow…”

“And gummy bears!” Caboose wiggled the bear at Theta, its limbs so filled with stuffing they barely flopped around.

“What?”

“We can put gummy bears on the waffles.”

“Oh…” Theta looked at the oversized bear. “Um, then what about?” They gestured at it.

“Oh!” Caboose looked down at the stuffed animal in his hands, almost looking surprised Theta had brought it up, as if he had forgotten it was there. “This is Big Fuck.”

“B- oh.” Maybe Theta would just call it Big.

“I thought he could be your friend. But not your best friend, since we are already best friends."

Theta took the bear— took Big— from Caboose.

“Okay. He doesn’t have to be my best friend, you can keep him."

Caboose tilted his head like a puppy.

"I was talking about you, silly."

“… I’m your best friend?”

"Yes, see, because Church is my best friend, you get part ownership because you are like a little him. And that's how stocks work!"

Theta clutched Big tight to their chest. They didn’t think that was how stocks worked, or how friendship worked but…

“Thank you.”

It was nice to have a friend.

“Yeah! And best friends make each other waffles. Let’s go!”

***

“Are you sure this is all okay to put in waffles?”

“Yes, definitely.”

Theta was sitting on the kitchen table, Big clutched in their lap. Their head peeked out over his, looking at the display Caboose had laid out in front of them. Plates and boxes and bags of junk food, candy, chocolate, frozen fruit, sauces. Leftovers. Theta didn’t think a lot of these things would be yummy. Or could even be cooked.

“Yeah, I’m basically an expert in waffles,” Caboose said, shaking the bottle of Bisquick furiously. You have to do it as fast as possible, he’d said earlier, right before shaking the loose cap off and splattering batter all over the kitchen. Tucker will clean that up later.

Theta plopped another marshmallow into their mouth. Their sticky hands had already left some mats in Big’s fur, but someone would probably clean that up later, too. Probably.

Now, though, they were just having a fun time hanging with their friend.

“Mmm. Okay. I trust you.”

“Good! Watch.” Theta watched as Caboose poured the batter onto the waffle iron. It glooped out, overfilling the squares.

“Cool. Now what?”

Caboose gestured towards the display. “Now you put stuff in it!”

Ooooh yes. This was what Theta was looking forward to. They delicately placed Big onto a chair before going, what some might call, absolutely feral. Some logical part of them said that grabbing handfuls of every sweet that adorned the table and throwing it onto the uneven batter probably wouldn’t end up with a good waffle, but they ignored that part. After all, they were Theta, not Delta.

“Okay! Done.”

Caboose appraised their mountain of sugar-y goodness with serious consideration. Theta grabbed Big again, suddenly nervous about their creation. Caboose narrowed his eyes. Theta held their breath.

“This…………. is a good waffle.” He slammed the iron shut with what was probably way too much force. Even still, Theta beamed.

It didn’t take long until the smell of burnt caramel started wafting from the machine.

“Is that okay…?”

Caboose nodded sagely. “That’s how you know it is going to be good.” In a swift motion, he extricated the waffle from its burning home, planting it squarely on the table.

Theta didn’t think it was supposed to look like that. There was burnt chocolate and bubbling gummies and melted hard candies and uncooked batter. It didn’t get to look ugly for long, though, as Caboose helpfully started pouring on syrup and chocolate and whipped cream.

Theta hadn’t seen this much sugar in their whole life.

“Bone app to eat!” Caboose pushed the waffle in front of Theta.

They grabbed it with both hands (ow. still a little hot.) and took a bite.

Oh….

It wasn’t what most would call “good.” The flavors clashed in ways Theta didn’t have the words to describe, but which Sigma might’ve called “offensive” or “an affront to nature.” But still. It was interesting, and it was sweet, and they were having a lot of fun trying not to spill sugar all over Big’s tummy, so maybe Caboose was onto something.

Caboose looked pleased with Theta’s reaction. They could only guess their expression was some mixture of disgust and intrigue, but they kept eating it, so maybe that’s what Caboose was going for.

Caboose started on his own creation.

Or maybe, Theta thought as they watched him work, “creation” was a generous word for it. Maybe Sigma would call this one “monstrosity.”

Caboose systematically grabbed every single topping they’d laid out on the table. He seemed to consider all of his options with great importance, putting some straight onto the iron, some into the bottle, yet others on the side, presumably to be added later. Once he was happy with his choices, he took the bottle again (being very careful, Theta noted, to make sure the cap was on fully this time) and shook with an incredible vigor. The items on the pan continued to sizzle. He emptied the bottle’s contents into the iron, squeezing to get it out as quickly as possible. Goop dripped over the sides. The ingredients that had been saved for later had now found their later, triumphantly thrown onto the pile.

It was way too tall to be closed, Theta thought.

Well, apparently, they thought wrong.

With somehow even more force than he’d used for Theta’s, Caboose acted like a hydraulic press, crushing the lid into its bottom. And, much like the greatest hydraulic press videos, mess squeezed out the sides in a spectacular fashion.

Theta chewed idly while the scene played out before them.

Caboose gave a thumbs up, his other hand still holding the iron down as it continued to cook.

If before it smelt like burnt caramel, this was just burn. Theta crinkled their nose.

And nearly jumped out of their skin when the fire alarm went off.

Caboose looked at it, both annoyed and quizzical. “I thought I took the life out of you.” He reached up, easily able to pull the alarm off the ceiling, and dumped the batteries out.

He turned back to Theta, “That is how you know it will be really good!”

“What the fuck are you two doing?”

Theta jumped again, clutching Big even tighter to their chest.

There, standing in the hallway, was Tucker, wearing nothing but a nightcap and a blanket.

Well, maybe there was more to describe there, but Theta wouldn’t know, as their eyes were suddenly covered by Caboose’s large hands.

“Tucker! Put some clothes on! There is children here!”

“What??? What are you talking ab— Dude, get the fucking—!”

Theta heard a scuffle. They tried to pry Caboose’s hands away from their eyes, but the man was too strong.

“Hey! Don’t touch my waffle!”

“You’re gonna burn the fucking apartment down!”

“I am not! I know how to contain a fire, Tucker. Excuse me,” Caboose removed his hand from Theta’s eyes and turned to them, “Hold this please.” He grabbed Theta’s hand and put it over their own eyes.

Theta stayed like that for a moment. Then they remembered that they could remove their hand themself, and felt a little silly.

The waffle iron was now unplugged and slightly smoking. An annoyed looking Tucker waved the cord at an equally annoyed looking Caboose.

“You are ruining waffles time.”

“Yeah, like a fire wouldn’t?” Tucker rolled his eyes, then turned towards Theta. “And what the fuck are you even doing?”

Theta’s blood turned to ice.

“I-”

“Do not yell at Theta.”

Caboose was a very large man. It was easy to forget, with his genial demeanor, just how much bigger he was than everyone else. How much stronger he was than everyone else. As Tucker’s eyes widened and he took a step back, staring at Caboose’s uncharacteristically stoic expression, he was certainly remembering.

It was a little nice to have the strong person be the one protecting Theta.

A wave of confusion washed over Tucker’s face as he registered what Caboose had said. “Theta…?” He looked over at them, in Caboose’s oversized pajama shirt, still clutching Big like it was a lifeline, still looking absolutely terrified. And confusion was replaced by realization.

“Oh, shit— uh, shoot, uh— fuck—” Tucker looked down at his blanket, the only thing covering his body, now even looser than it was earlier. He pulled it tighter.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” He whispered at Caboose.

“I said to put on pants.”

“That’s not— look, just,” Tucker sighed, then looked towards Theta, “Don’t eat that, okay?” He pointed at their waffle.

“But we’re hungry!” Caboose protested.

Tucker groaned. “I, will make you guys…” Tucker looked at the waffle iron. A bit of batter filled with leftover chicken and gummy worm slopped onto the counter. It continued to smoke. “Pancakes. Just, go into the living room and let me get dressed.”

“Okay!” Caboose happily bounded away, as if this was his desired outcome all along.

Theta looked down, sheepish. “Sorry…”

Tucker sighed, “It’s fine. This is nowhere near the worst it’s gotten.”

Theta looked up at the batter on the ceiling. Tucker followed their gaze.

He laughed. “Yeah, still not the worst.”

“Okay…” Theta got up from the counter, trying to make themself as small as possible.

“Hey.”

They froze. They looked at Tucker, bracing themself for scolding, yelling, reminders of how terrible they were for letting something like this happen.

But when Tucker spoke, it was soft.

“Next time, just wake me up, okay?” He looked exasperated, but, somehow, Theta could tell he was being genuine.

They nodded.

“Okay.”

Tucker smiled, and went to get dressed, and Theta went to go meet Caboose in the living room.

He was already sitting on the couch, flipping through some list of shows.

“Do you wanna watch something?”

“Um, whatever you want.” Theta plopped down on the couch.

“Okay! I will watch… Pokémon.”

“You like Pokémon?”

“Oh, yeah, sometimes me and Church watch it when Tucker isn’t home.”

“Oh… I didn’t know Alpha still liked Pokémon.”

“Yeah… I don’t know who Alpha is but… Pokémon is good.”

“Um, yeah, it’s my favorite.”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“Are you… gonna put on the show?”

“Okay!” Caboose clicked the remote, opening to some random episode in the Gen V seasons. Theta didn’t know the episode, but they could tell because of the art style.

“All right,” Tucker called from the kitchen, “you guys are getting chocolate chip pancakes and that’s it.”

“BUT TUCKER!” Caboose immediately jumped up in his seat. “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! IT’S WAFFLES TIME!”

“You almost burned the house down! I’m not hearing it!”

Caboose bounded over the back of the couch to go yell at Tucker in the kitchen. Leaving Theta alone on the sofa.

Alone.

Theta was alone. They didn’t hear anyone in their mind. Their thoughts drifted back to the cracked phone, the unread message. What had caused them to be here alone in the first place.

But, as they turned around to look back at their friends, arguing over blueberries, as they clung to the largest teddy bear they’d ever seen, supremely sticky with sugar and syrup, as Pokémon blared in the background, a connection to their host they didn’t know they had…

Maybe they weren’t all that alone, after all.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 23

welcome to the twenty-third fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. lucky i’m in love with my best friend by @nezueye

“I really wanna kiss you right now,” Lance murmurs, staring at Keith’s lips.  

“So kiss me."

Lance scrunches up his nose. “In front of all of our friends? I thought you were allergic to PDA.”  

Keith shrugs. “You’ve been sitting in my lap for the past 20 minutes and I’ve been basically groping you the entire time.” He punctuates this statement by bringing his hands back to Lance’s ass and squeezing just a little, as a treat. “Some more PDA is okay, I think.”

yes i know i recced one of nez’s fics last week and i’m here doing it again. they’re amazing okay. every single time the devotion settles heavily in my lungs im ALLOWED to be obsessed with them. this one gets to me especially bc its established relationship, which is my favourite dynamic always, and its as funny as it is sweet!! double blamy!! also the title is from possibly the most klance song ever, and if you would like to hear jeremy shada (lance’s VA) singing a cover of the song... you’re in luck

2. the meaning of donuts by @katranga

The next few days were filled with Lance informing everyone, multiple times, of their “new” friendship. “We’re friends now, did you hear? Keith and I are friends.” Over and over, big smile, loud voice. Looking between Keith and whoever he was telling like he expected a round of applause. Or confetti. Or a parade. What he usually got was somebody making a crack about bonding moments, which prompted a tight, put-upon sigh on Keith’s end. And Lance would look at him fondly, and Keith would have to bite his cheek to distract himself from how much he wanted Lance to lean over and kiss him. -- Keith realizes he may, potentially, possibly have some feelings for a certain blue paladin and he is Not Thrilled about it.

14k words of keith being exasperated by himself by being disgustingly in love with lance and lance being increasingly more in love but lowkey being oblivious about it??? hell fucking yeah!! lance is so bright in this fic bc thats how keith (begrudgingly lol) sees him and its so true and wonderful

3. perish the rest, this thought is yours by @moonguilt

“Lance? Lance can you hear—” Keith's voice crackled unintelligibly. “—big hit. Are you—” More crackling, and—silence.

Lance frantically pressed his comm button. “Keith? Keith, hey, uh, small problem maybe—”

The control panel flickered a few times, then sputtered out, and suddenly Red was falling—eerily slow at first, then faster than a bullet. Lance bit back a scream, smashing buttons and yanking at the controls desperately, but Red just kept falling, falling, falling, and all Lance could do was watch as she turned belly-up in the air, giving him a perfect, horrible view of Black taking several heavy shots directly to the cockpit.

This time he did scream. But it did no good, and Lance was forced to watch as Black—as Keith—careened toward the moon's surface, a faint trail of purple dusting his wake like the tail of a comet.

————–

Lance and Keith are sent on a mission to answer a distress signal from the desert moon of Xat-lor VII. They get more than they bargained for, both in enemy numbers and in feelings. They have to fight to survive long enough for the rest of their team to arrive, and in the meantime, Things Happen.

i will Never get tired of flirty keith. somehow in the first couple years of this fandom we forgot that keith is the one with game and lance is the one whos freqently getting flustered and tongue-tied, and god bless finn for reminding us. this fic has post s7 but only the good parts (and fuck s8), black paladin keith red paladin lance, bamf co leaders who are in love and also stupid, and (im mentioning it again bc Duh) flirty keith. loml.

4.  feel it in the space in between by angelbolt

“Coffee champagne, in my opinion, would be carbonated coffee with a shot of white wine. Does that sound like a good time to you?”

“It sounds like a great time.”

Adam leaned in, his nose wrinkling with a smile as he whispered, “Junkie.”

“You love it,” Takashi dismissed, kissing the wrinkles. “You think it’s endearing.”

Adam drummed his fingers over Takashi’s scalp, “I find too many of your flaws endearing, my love.”

“Even my dad jokes?” ✦ takashi and adam get engaged.

prekerb adashi does NOT get enough attention!!! at all!! i love them in love and happy with baby keith!!! this fic is sweet and sappy and gives both shiro and adam some much-needed dimension. shiro is a DOG and i love that for him. the big hero six scene made me cry. 

5. two bros, chillin’ in a space pool by angelbolt

Harrumphing, Lance paddled to the edge, heaving himself to sit on it, one foot extended to point at Keith, "Fine! Then if you believe yourself to be so much better than me—"

Keith seemed distracted, mouth slightly open, "I never said—"

"I challenge you to a duel! A swimming duel!"

He looked wholly unimpressed once again, "Wow, that's new." ✩ My take on why they were both shirtless.

i will never in my life get over angry pining. the idea of being down bad for someone and FURIOUS about it will never not be funny to me. this entire fic in general made me laugh out loud and in particular this fic used the word ‘ah-HOOGA’ unironically which is not only ballsy but also beyond my words to properly appreciate. lance is a menace. early s1 fics my love

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[halfbreeddege]

Sonic Movie 3 Spoiler Thoughts

Alrighty! I just got back from watching Sonic 3. I got my spoilery thoughts below the read more.

-Dammit! Tom and Maddie are the best. parents. ever!!!! That poor couple was practically going insane without their fuzzy kids around.

-Wonder how Sonic's uncles would react around him.

-Now that I think about it, did Sonic call Tom "dad" or "Donut Lord" even once (sweater doesn't count)?

-Oooh, Ozzy has some jealously going on. I thought they were getting along pretty well up to the Knuckles show.

-Walters actually gets a little redemption on this movie. He's not hostile towards Team Sonic and he was actually trying to protect Maria and Co. during the raid.

-I was still hoping it was a Wachowski that was involved in the raid 50 years ago.

-Who got the girl in the Telanovela?

-Gasp It's the goat milker!!!

-That 4th wall break by Eggman and Gerald

-I saw in the credits "Escape from the City" was in the soundtrack, but I don't remember hearing any of it.

-Eggman gets the 'damn' card, but not Shadow. Ok.

-I want to go to the Chao Garden now. I don't care if I'm an adult.

-Keanu, you did an amazing job as Shadow. Surprised Sonic didn't point out he sounds like the guy from Speed.

-I'll admit, I got a little teary eye watching the Shadow and Maria montage.

-Chaos Control was not mentioned ONCE!!

-No Olive Garden mention for once? XD -They included E.G.G.M.A.N!!! -They included "Talk about low budget flights, no food or movies… I'm outta here!" -Not enough Live and Learn. Seriously, I would have LOVED to hear longer bits of it, but they mostly kept playing the motif. During the space battle they did play a little more, but it's still not enough for my thirsty ass.

-I was wondering if they were going to include the "I have no idea" line, but not this time.

-Ritter gets like 3 main scenes and that's about it. She pretty much turned into a nothing burger. I was hoping Sam's (Sam Procrastinates) theory would had been right that she was actually Rouge but used a hologram to disguise as a human.

-Speaking of Rouge, it's really weird to see Shadow without her around.

-Sonic going apeshit when Shadow dropped the line "What was his name again? Tom?" Yeah, man. Get a punch in for me too.

-I watched Fadel's spoiler review, did not realize that was the Bio Lizard reference with the monster film Shadow and Maria watched.

-Where the hell was Jojo?! All this time I was predicting she would play a major part in Shadow realizing the errors of his way and she doesn't even get a mention. I would have thought maybe Randall at least would have gotten a bigger role since he's with G.U.N. but he's technically just a cameo.

-Agent Stone, my dude, he is a total badass in this movie and I felt so bad for him. Honestly, I never really thought he was going to be that big of a part of the franchise when I saw him in the first movie and thought he was going to be a one off character, but each passing movie, I'm starting to love the character more and more. Also, Lee Majdoub is a pretty cool guy and you can tell he really appreciates all the fan feedback.

-I'm not a fan of the Eggman x Stone ship, but oh God, I know the ones that do are having one hell of a field day right now.

-Soooo….how did Gerald live to be 110?????

-Not sure which death was more gruesome. Shooting range or bug zapped?

-"You're no Maria." Fuck you, Gerald!

-The dance scene with Gerald & Eggman was hilarious. Their final fight, was kinda meh…

-*sigh* yep, more fart jokes.

-Ok, so people predicting something bad happening to Tom were half right. Some were saying he was going to die, which I didn't think was going to happen. However, he did get a good whack from Shadow. I'm so happy he survived though.

-Wait, did Walters live or die?

-I predict next movie is going to touch time travelling since they're introducing Amy and Metal Sonic.

-Fadel was right, that last battle was like a DBZ fight.

-Shadow probably saved Eggman.

-I'm noticing each Sonic trailer, there's always that one scene that gets changed in the final product. The first movie trailer was any scene with Sonic in red shoes, the second movie was when Knuckles actually says "Does it look like I need your power?", this movie was the battle with Sonic & Shadow, they're actually in their super forms.

[toptierteaser]

Butterball Status: Pt. 1

A Blowup Anthology Story

“Well, well, well…seems like somebody’s hit ‘Butterball Status” today!”

The taunt, accompanied with a firm poke into his ample abdomen, carried out across the hall, audible to the dozens of Coaches and hundreds of Campers alike. Diego’s mouth fell agape, his plump cheeks reddening as the weight of what had just been said sunk into his stomach way that extra, stale donut had last night. I knew I should’ve laid off the treats for a while! Diego cursed internally.

But Coach Jason simply smiled at him. Or was it more of a sneer? It was hard to tell with Jason. ‘Chubby-chasin’ Jason,’ they called him. Behind his back, of course. Never when the handsome coach was present to make his Campers run an additional lap around the track. Watching diligently as their overblown backsides jiggled uncontrollably with all the added weight. Of course, the Coach could never fully express his predilections, as it would have been social suicide among the other Coaches. But he had his reputation among the Campers, and the fatties had eaten the rumor up faster than a bucket of fried chicken.

Naturally, Jason played up the angle of a Coach being disgusted at his camper for packing on as many pounds as Diego evidently had. And so the sharp poke into his big, juicy tummy transfigured into a grab as Jason’s hand snaked around from Diego’s front to his equally-tubby love handle. The other hand was placed on its twin and Deigo felt himself, helpless, defenseless, and in full view of half the camp, being turned toward the mirror in front of him.

The scale had confirmed it, the numbers having jumped by ten since the last weigh in—how was it even possible he had packed on that much weight in a week?—and Coach Sebastian clacked away at his calculator, racking up Diego’s routinely-increasing BMI. The nerdy coach began snickering behind his glasses as he waved the numbers up in the air. “It’s official!” said the Coach in his nasally voice. “The fat fuck is officially a butterball!”

Those within Diego’s earshot began to snicker and whoop, to offer snide comments about how he had “never quite been able to put the fork down, that one.” Or how it was a “good thing he’ll get bumped up a weight class. His fat ass was barely able to fit through the door as it was, poor fat fuck.”

Diego tried not to let everyone see how badly it affected him, how flustered and embarrassed it was making him. But such teasing, taunting observations weren’t even the worst of it.

                “This is your own fault, you know, pork chop?” said Jason in his ear. Now he really was smiling. “You’re the one who fed yourself up like this, weren’t you fatboy?”

                And as Diego’s round body was wheeled about, he realized the Coach was absolutely right. He almost didn’t recognize himself. Before him stood a tubby young man, the lingerings of handsomeness jutting through the added pudge on his face. but the rest of him was completely unrecognizable. In his time at the Camp, Diego had absolutely buried himself in layers of fat, his belly swelling to completely cover his fly, his thighs porking out ridiculously, his moobs pressing up against his chubbed-up neck. He looked like a big fat scoop of neopolitan ice cream, his warm brown skin busting out from underneath the tight white t-shirt that didn’t even reach his cavernous belly button and his bright pink booty shorts that looked more like painted-on briefs. It had been a while since he’d been forced to look at himself in the mirror and while he still found his shocked, embarrassed face to be handsome, he felt that the rest of him rather resembled an overinflated balloon!

                It was all too much! The image of himself, standing there, big fat legs pressing out against each other, juicy arms unable to rest because his love handles were in the way. His Coach poking and prodding and squeezing his chubby side rolls. The sight of himself, about a bite of cheesecake away from splitting his uniform, completely defenseless. An overfed blowfish who in all likeliness would only be blown up even fatter! He felt himself growing excited, the waistband of his shorts creaking as he felt himself expand within them.

                Calm down, he told himself. Just take a deep breath.

                And then he saw Brandon, the flamboyant Coach who had been a tailor and a hairdresser before they began Rounding Up fatties across the country, walking up to him, smirking with a measuring tape held taut between his hands.

                And as Coach Jason was forced to stand aside as Brandon took the helm, wrapping the tape beneath Diego’s armpits and tut-tutting as he slid down Diego’s sides to his big belly, measuring the ridiculous circumference of the fatass. “Seems like the fat fuck has ballooned his belly wider than his shoulder-width!” said the Coach. And as he said it, Diego felt himself rise, swell, and—PING—the button of his shorts went flying out across the room!

                There was another humiliating snickering that surrounded him, consuming him, driving Diego ever-more flustered.

                And then, as Diego’s obese ass and thunderous thighs were measured, Jason all but shoved Brandon out of the way, grabbing Diego by the love handles and turning him in a 180-degree fashion. “Well, biggums…I’m sad to see you leave the Bunk…but rules are rules…now, there’s only one thing left to do.” And Diego braced himself, hoping his belly covered the exposed fly of his shorts, as he felt the enormous stamp flying out across the air and pressing squarely in his extremely-wide ass.

                He gave an involuntary squeal of embarrassment that thrilled the Coaches. And then, looking more pathetic than ever, Diego turned to look at the mirror over his shoulder, taking in the stamped image of a turkey that now replaced the teddy-bear print on his caked-up ass.

                “Well, then,” said Coach Jason. “All there is for us to do now is to roll you on down to your new bunk and introduce you to the other tubby butterballs!”