#just realising how many sad songs are on this thing HOW

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

cheeky wee playlist for my fic inhaler... cause I said so. send post.

[kquil]

SIRIUS BLACK | BIKER BOY

sum. : no one messes with a biker boy's biker girl

tags. : fluff ; modern day au ; muggle au ; bikerboy!sirius ; bikergirl!reader ; childhood friends to lovers ; sirius being a flirt ; boyfriend material sirius ; unrequited love? not really ; protective sirius ; angry sirius ; book-lover reader ; you balance each other out ; which is why you're the perfect match! ; Sirius swears a lot when he’s angry…

length : 1.8k

navi. | more sirius black

Growing up as Sirius’ childhood best friend had its ups and downs. The main down was that he was easy to fall in love with and be loved by, even if it remained platonic all this time. However, he came with many ups that kept you close despite the unrequited ache in your heart. His spritely, adventurous and charming nature brings out a balanced playfulness in you, pulling you away from your books so you can enjoy other things life has to offer. 

Naturally, as you grew older, the influence you had on one another’s decisions also grew and he had been able to convince you to join him in becoming a biker. He didn’t want to be alone in learning how to ride, getting a license and eventually purchasing a motorcycle so he had to bring you along for the ‘ride’ too. 

You’ve doubted your choice many times but the freedom it brought to go riding was addictive. Whenever you were angry or sad, all you had to do was hop on your motorbike and leave all those negative feelings behind to finally feel better again. The journey also led to many wonderful memories together, mainly out at 2 am with hardly any other vehicles around, so you had most of the roads to yourselves, giggling at each other through your earpieces and sometimes breaking into song just to fill the silence. All late-night outings also ended in him treating you to your craving for fast food that night.

“My treat, dollface,” it was always his treat; he made sure you never had to pay for a single meal. And even when you try to sneakily pay for items by withholding your order or pretending that you’re not hungry, he’s already memorised your preferred meals from every fast food place, so it’s futile. 

“It’s only courtesy that I ask what you want to order, you know that, right? Because I already know your orders by heart, so there’s no stopping me pretty girl.” you remember the once over he gives you, his smug smirk only growing when he finally meets your eyes again, “It is pretty cute, though, seeing you try so hard to defy me,” — how can he be so infuriating but so charming at the same time?!

On the road, Sirius tends to be the more reckless one while you remain more responsible. It’s the same dynamic you two built growing up, you need each other for balance and you’ve both realised this a long time ago. Since you know how fitting you are to have in one another’s lives, it’s no wonder you’ve stayed with each other for so long. 

To accommodate his reckless behaviour on the roads, you keep a lookout and sometimes go ahead of him to see if there are any patrolling policemen around so he can do a wheelie. However, It’s not a bulletproof strategy and he eventually gets himself a ticket for his reckless behaviour. And, though you felt guilty for not being a better lookout, he doesn’t blame you. He got caught by an undercover cop so you couldn’t have seen it coming anyway. After being ticketed, Sirius hears your whimpered apologies coming through his earpiece and rushes forward to hold you close and comfort you when it should have been you comforting him for receiving a ticket. 

“It’s because I was an idiot and roped you into my shenanigans,” he scoffs angrily at himself, holding you tighter. There’s a pause and when he hears your quiet sniffles, he softens his voice to an almost-whisper, “Please don’t cry, love… you’re too pretty to cry,” 

You stay at the side of the road, hugging each other for a long time, even when the policeman has been long gone and Sirius has never asked you to keep watch for his stunts ever again. 

To accommodate your bookish and goody-two-shoes behaviour, Sirius makes sure to always stop by your favourite bookshop so you can indulge in your favourite book-browsing activity. Even when you protest and tell him you don’t need to go inside or browse any books, he always insists and when you end up taking a book or two to the counter, he always pays. You fall for it every time!

“You don’t have to pay for my books, Siri…”

“I don’t think you realise that I can more than afford it and that I don’t care what you think because it was my idea to stop here in the first place,” you hug him from behind around the waist as he pays for your books and asks that they provide a bag. 

“I’m gonna become a spoiled brat because of you,” you huff with pursed lips but he only pats your hand, where it’s placed on his front. 

“That’s the mission, doll. I bet you’ll just become even cuter,” you can imagine his smiling lips and winking eyes through his helmet and you have no words to say. 

Ugh! There’s no winning with this man!

It was impossible to not fall for a man like Sirius Black. It was sweet torture being his childhood best friend but you’ll get what you can take…

Tonight was yet another night where Sirius invited you out for a late evening ride. It’s pitch black outside but you know that makes it perfect because there will hardly be any other cars on the road. So you quickly gear up and pull out with your bike and park by the pavement, ready to leave upon Sirius’ arrival. The man soon arrives and gives a wave before aligning his bike beside yours. Coming to a full stop, he leans over, tilts your helmet up from beneath its front point and leans down to touch the front of his helmet with yours in a kissing gesture.

“Good evening, beautiful girl,” He greets smoothly and stares longingly at you from beneath his visor as he makes a show of holding his head up with the palm of his hand as his elbow rests on the front tank of his bike. The infuriating git has gotten into this flirtatious habit recently and you don’t know what to do with yourself whenever he does it. The only thing you can do is urge him to hurry up and not waste time as he’s blocked you in with his bike and you can’t escape the situation.

“Hurry up Siri, or else it’ll be morning by the time we finally head out. And you were the one to invite me for a ride in the first place,” you disguise your flustered state with a semi-angry huff. 

His smooth chuckle filters through your earpiece like a seductive song and shoots a shiver down your spine, “Doesn’t matter, as long as you’re there with me, who cares? We can watch the sunrise together~” The two of you start to pull away from where you’re parked and head down your usual route. Tonight’s indulgent meal would either be at McDonalds or Five Guys. 

“Stop flirting with me, loverboy, you don’t stand a chance!” you tease. 

“Never!” he shouts and laughs when you tell him off for being too loud. 

It’s a fun ride for a while; it always is when there are hardly any cars around but, even with cars around, there usually aren’t any problems. Tonight, however, you think you’ve encountered the worst kind on the road: a pissy, drunk driver on the road.

“Whoa! Watch out! Dollface!” Sirius shouts in panic. 

“Oh my god!” you shriek and sharply turn away from a car that suddenly appears at your side on the dual carriageway. The car appeared out of nowhere and, if it weren’t for your fast reaction time, you would have collided and crashed. 

“Doll?!” Sirius calls out, his anger overlaid by worry. He’s seen what happened from where he was behind you and the drunk driver after almost getting hit himself. 

“I-I’m okay…” Looking through the window, you raise your hand, palm-side up as if to ask what’s wrong but the driver only flips you the bird. This was someone you didn’t want to continue any interactions with so you pulled away to the other lane and maintained a safe distance. It was no use, however, as the driver taunted you by pushing into your lane again. “He’s crazy…” you comment and pull back to ride beside Sirius instead.

But Sirius had other plans. He makes sure you stay back while he charges forward and hits hard against the driver’s window until you see the driver pull it down. Through the earpiece, you hear only Sirius’ side of the altercation as your heart races and drums against your ears. 

“WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU?! HUH?! FUCKFACE?!” there's a pause where you believe the driver gives a piss-poor excuse and Sirius wasn’t having any of it, “SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! YOU COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY HURT MY GIRL AND THAT’S FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE! YOU HEAR ME?!” you pretend him calling you his girl didn’t make your stomach flip, “NO! A— I SAID SHUT. UP! YOU THINK I’M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?! WATCH ME!” Sirius’ threat must have done something because you see the car begin to speed up but Sirius quickly follows and angrily punches the man’s side mirror so hard the mirror cracks and snaps where it’s attached to the car’s body. With his cracked wing mirror dangling pathetically at the side, the car finally speeds away and you hear nothing but Sirius’s heavy breathing in your ears. 

“S-Siri?...” He doesn’t say anything but motions for you to follow him off the motorway and leads you to the parking lot of the McDonalds you usually stop at. Once there, Sirius takes off his helmet and waits for you to pull up and follow suit. Hurrying off your bike, you also remove your helmet and are cut off by a hug just as you ask if he is okay. 

“I’m not okay…no…” he voices into your hair as you squeeze him tight, “I don’t know what I’d do if you’d gotten hurt, doll,” a sour expression crosses Sirius’ features, one that he buries into your neck where he kisses at your pulse point and you pretend your face isn’t heating up because of it, ”that pigheaded prick deserves to die for even attempting anything,”

“I-It’s alri—”

“I’ve memorised his number plate. I’ll track him down and make his life a living hell, I swear to god… How. Dare. He? Stupid fuck, trying to hurt my girl. He deserves worse than prison. Give him the bloody guillotine, chop off his legs and arms, cut him in half and finally chop off his head…no that’s not good enough. I should round up the boys, give him the beating of his miserable, worthless life—” You’re sure Sirius would have gone on for longer if you didn’t jump at kissing him for calling you his girl for the second time that night. 

All thoughts of torturing the disgusting pig who dared play with your life were wiped from Sirius’ thoughts instantly. Now…all he can think of is how soft your lips are…how sweet and delicious you taste, and how he can easily kiss you all night long. 

navi. | more sirius black

a/n : i'm dedicating this to a wonderful friend of mine @thebestofoneshots i just want to remind her that she deserves so much good for her big heart and endless kindness, and i hope she can find some comfort in this short imagine as a fellow motorcycle and Sirius Black lover. i promise you she's one of the kindness people you'll ever meet and I think she's in need of some extra loving right now so if you could show her some love and support by checking out her writing and leaving her a kind message, it would mean the world to me and her. I LOVE YOU LILLY!

[sansaorgana]

— BEDROOM HYMNS

PAIRING — Ser Gwayne Hightower x fem!Reader // Queen Alicent Hightower x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — Your sister-in-law wishes for you to become one of her ladies-in-waiting but you become so much more. Things complicate when your husband comes to visit.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — The title is from Florence + The Machine song. Alicent is a lesbian in this fic but she's also very conflicted about it. Reader is 100% bisexual. I wanted to write this fic for some time now because I have a crush on Alicent ever since Season One so yeah... Here we go... 😩😈

WARNINGS — cheating, homosexuality seen as something *wrong* (by Alicent), mentions of sexual activities (no actual smut – tiiiiny bit in the beginning)

WORD COUNT — 6,240

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

BEDROOM HYMNS

You moved away from between her trembling legs after a cry of pleasure muffled by her own hand that she had covered her mouth with. Alicent’s juices were dripping down your chin when you smirked at her and looked up to meet her big brown eyes. Those soft big brown eyes that you adored more than anything. You had always adored them. So full of sadness and softness and you had never wanted anything but to make her feel better.

“Have I pleased you?” You asked while peppering her soft inner thighs with your kisses although you knew the answer already. Her husband had no idea how to please her.

The Queen only nodded and looked away. Poor Alicent – she always felt bad and guilty after the peak had already been reached. The sudden realisation of her sin was soul-crushing but the tension and desire had been too great to ignore them. She deserved the relief and you did not see anything bad about it.

“How many times do we have to do this?” You sighed and lied next to her in her bed. Your fingertips caressed her sides and your lips attached themselves to the crook of her neck, smelling all the scented oils in her hair. She was The Queen of the Realm and she was pampered like no other Lady. “There is no shame in this.”

“There is a sin,” Alicent turned her head around to finally meet your gaze. She raised her hand to nervously play with the seven-pointed star pendant on her sweaty chest.

“Why?” You bit on your lip and caressed her auburn locks out of her face.

“It is betrayal,” she frowned as if she was getting frustrated with your lack of understanding.

“It would have been if you lied with a man,” you explained and kissed her cheek before laying on your back and staring at the ceiling.

“I should find your vague idea of morality perplexing,” Alicent pointed out and you couldn’t help but chuckle at her confession.

“But you do not and thank Gods for that,” you rolled your eyes with a smirk.

A silence occurred as Alicent kept playing nervously with the pendant between her fingers and you were staring at the ceiling and counting all the cracks.

“What kind of husband is my brother?” She asked suddenly and you turned your head around to look at her again.

“A good one,” you admitted, feeling nearly guilty for that because you knew why she was asking – her husband was not good. Not to her and not to her children.

“Why are you doing this then?” Alicent asked.

It was obvious why her brother was on her mind now. He would arrive at King's Landing any day now. You couldn’t wait to see Gwayne again after a few months of being apart and you only wished he had taken your son with him but he could not. Robyn was the eldest son and he was supposed to stay in Oldtown. He had just become a squire and leaving his knight for a few long weeks would not be advised, therefore you had to go on missing your boy. Day after day as if he was a burning hole in your chest. Mothers would always miss their sons, you assumed.

“To kill the time,” you shrugged your arms, not wanting to reveal how much Alicent meant to you and for how long. “And to help you. You are my friend and I love you,” you confessed.

Alicent always loved Princess Rhaenyra more. Your father was a Master of Coin in King Viserys’ Small Council and you were growing up together – three girls running around happily. Or rather – two girls following the Princess like two overjoyed puppies. Rhaenyra was the centre of everything for you and not only because she was the Princess but also because she meant everything to Alicent. No matter how much effort you were putting into making Alicent like you more, you were destined to fail for she always was choosing Rhaenyra over you.

It made you grow bitter towards The Princess but never towards Alicent. You were blaming yourself – you had to become more and try harder perhaps and maybe then you’d earn more than just leftover crumbs of her love and friendship.

You couldn’t understand your feelings back then – why was the attraction so strong, what was making you feel so attached to the young Hightower Lady. You were the same age and yet everything she said was like a command to you. Wherever she went, you followed. Even when you felt like a burden because she so clearly would rather be left alone with Rhaenyra. But Rhaenyra never minded your presence because to her you were only a pawn on the board, an ornament, an addition of no importance. So, you often witnessed the two girls laughing together, whispering, exchanging small gestures of affection. You were only watching. Observing as your heart ached.

During The Heir's Tournament you met Ser Gwayne Hightower, Alicent’s older brother. He was young then, eager to show off his abilities and make his family proud. Perhaps he did not have his sister’s big brown eyes but he had the auburn hair you loved so much about her and he had her softness about him. You were enamoured with him in no time and when he approached the royal box to greet his sister – he caught your eye and you caught his and for that moment when your eyes met, you felt butterflies all over your body.

Ser Gwayne Hightower received your favour on that day and the sparkles of joy in your eyes while you were throwing the wreath at him were very obvious to your father and to his as well. You could not know that then but they exchanged meaningful looks for a short moment.

Even though Gwayne lost the duel with Prince Daemon Targaryen, he did not lose your affection. In fact, witnessing him nearly winning and losing only because Prince Daemon chose to play dirty – it only solidified your feelings. Ser Gwayne was a righteous man, a chivalrous knight and a brave one, too. It took lots of courage to face Prince Daemon Targaryen himself.

Gwayne was carried away with his face covered in blood and dirt while his mind was filled with thoughts of you – of losing your favour and your interest. However, you hurried to his side right after the tournament ended to make sure he was fine. And at the sight of you – he truly was fine again.

You were only ten and five but you knew already that Ser Gwayne was the only man you could see yourself being married off to. Thankfully, your father saw that, too. Two years later you were sent to Oldtown and for the whole time in between you were exchanging letters. When Alicent was married off to King Viserys shortly after his wife’s death, you still felt bitter but not as much as you could because you mostly felt excited about your own upcoming wedding.

However, the sadness and anxiety on Alicent’s face on her wedding day were a sight you would never forget.

Years and years of the happy marriage had passed and you were still in touch with your sister-in-law because of the letters you were exchanging and her son that you and Gwayne were raising in Oldtown – Prince Daeron Targaryen. But other than that, you had your own life now to live, your own duties, your own offspring and Alicent was simply not occupying your mind as much as in your adolescent years. 

You were aware of King Viserys’ health getting worse and worse as Alicent was ruling the Kingdom in his name. The burden of responsibility was heavy and her marriage was getting more and more difficult. You couldn’t say the same of your own union – you loved Gwayne and he loved you. Just like every married couple you had your misunderstandings and disagreements but you were grateful for him every day of your life and you knew well that he felt the same towards you.

It was after breakfast on one of those days that seemed to be pretty typical in the morning and then they turned out to be life-changing for a person. Without a warning and without an ominous feeling deep in one’s gut, they just happened and changed lives.

A letter came to you from Queen Alicent and you expected nothing of great importance in it so you put it below the pile of letters you had to respond to this morning. You sat by your desk and dipped the feather in the black ink as you started to perform one of your duties as Lady Hightower, helping your husband to run Oldtown in his father’s name.

Letter after letter, until finally you were left with the last one. You opened it with a small yawn, which turned into a frown after reading Alicent’s plea and request.

“What is it?” Gwayne entered your chambers this very moment but his smile dropped at the sight of your face.

You folded the letter suddenly as if it was a secret or something dirty but it only increased your husband’s curiosity as he approached the table and raised an eyebrow at you.

“What is it?” He repeated the question and you pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to find the right words.

“It is from your sister,” you replied and looked up to meet his confused gaze. He knew about your friendship and for you to react this way at one of Alicent’s letters was simply unusual.

“Is he dead?” Was all Gwayne asked.

“No, Gods, no,” you shook your head and took a deep breath in. “Not yet,” you added.

“What is it then?” Gwayne lifted your chin up gently to make sure your eyes would still be on his. You swallowed a lump in your throat and finally decided to tell him what his sister had requested.

“Queen Alicent wishes for me to become one of her ladies-in-waiting,” you revealed and Gwayne’s confusion only grew. “She feels lonely in King’s Landing, she needs a friend by her side. Somebody she can trust.”

“It is out of the question,” Gwayne took the folded paper from your hands and read the letter himself, still standing above you as you nervously fidgeted with your fingers.

Your own feelings were chaotic at that moment. Something in your heart wanted to run to King’s Landing at this very moment because Alicent needed you and because you wanted to make her life easier and make her happy. You had always wanted nothing but her happiness.

But you had your own duties in Oldtown and you had your husband here and your children. You could not just leave like that, could you? Especially when Oldtown was so far away from King’s Landing.

“It is out of the question,” Gwayne said again and threw the letter on your desk. “Reply to her that your Lord Husband does not agree.”

“She is your sister,” you looked up at him, pleadingly.

“Yes and I have nothing but love for her in my heart but her request is selfish,” he clenched his jaw as he looked you up and down, visibly surprised that you were not agreeing with him on this. “Why does she want to take you away from me? You are my wife.”

“Your wife – not your property,” you reminded him.

“That is debatable,” Gwayne huffed and looked away but before you could scold him, he continued with more. “Living in a different city, different castle, so far away from me… Will you still be my wife?” He turned his head around in an attempt to try to read your emotions.

“I will forever be your wife,” you stood up and took his hand into yours before placing it on your chest where your heart was. “But she needs me, Gwayne. She’s all alone there with no one by her side.”

“Father is with her,” Gwayne interrupted you. “He always favoured Alicent.”

“You do know that being favoured by him is a burden, not a prize,” you reminded. “Please, let me go. For some time at least. Until The King dies. It should not be for long and I’ll take the girls with me,” you tried to convince him as your fingers caressed his hand on your chest. “Please,” you whispered, looking up deep into his eyes.

After a long moment of silence and hesitation, your husband nodded his head reluctantly.

A few months later, you found yourself standing in the courtyard of The Red Keep, awaiting your husband’s arrival. He had a business to deal with in The Crownlands and he wanted to spend a few days with his family, too. You were caressing the creases on your dress with your hands and your teenage daughter Margaery was fixing her younger sister’s hairdo. Little Wyllow had been missing her father the most and she couldn’t wait for his arrival. In fact, she had made you and Margaery wait there since early morning and at this point you were exhausted already but you didn’t complain since you couldn’t wait to see Gwayne again either.

Even though it also felt a little weird and awkward since your mind was being flooded with memories of his sister’s body tangled with yours underneath her royal silk sheets. Her plump lips parted and soft moans escaping them, her beautiful big brown eyes hazy and filled with tears of shame and pleasure…

You were trying to shake those thoughts and images off of your head when you were interrupted by the sound of the horses approaching the gate.

“Father!” Wyllow nearly ran straight under the horse if she was not stopped by Margaery.

Your older daughter gave you a scolding look and she was right to do so because it was your duty to watch over your children, meanwhile you were distracted by the memories of dirty acts instead.

When you watched Gwayne jumping off of the horse, your heart clenched in your chest at the sight of him and you suddenly realised why Alicent was so filled with shame and guilt because now you felt them, too.

His handsome face, his eyes sparkling at the sight of you, his auburn hair reflecting in the sun… He truly was the man you loved. You just couldn’t help the fact you loved his sister, too.

“Father!” Wyllow finally was free to run into his arms and he crouched down to hug her and kiss her forehead.

“I am so happy to see you, little bird,” Gwayne cupped his daughter’s cheeks and she giggled.

He straightened himself but Wyllow clinged to his left hand so he used his right one to caress Margaery’s face lovingly.

“You’re growing fast, my love,” he pointed out.

“I am trying my best, Lord Father,” Margaery nodded her head with a smile and then she took a step back to get out of the way and let him greet you.

“Lord Husband,” you gave him a nervous and soft smile. Gwayne tilted his head a little and your heart skipped a beat. He was a very observant man but there was nothing that would give you away, right? What could it be?

“Lady Wife,” he smiled at you and took two steps ahead to be able to kiss the palm of your hand. Whatever he had noticed, he pretended it was nothing. At least for now.

“You must be exhausted,” you pointed out. “The chambers have been already prepared for you and I’m going to tell the maids to fix you a bath.”

“Does it mean we are not sharing the same chambers during my stay here?” Gwayne raised an eyebrow at you.

Margaery cleared her throat and she took Wyllow by her free hand.

“Shall we go inside now? Let our Lady Mother greet Lord Father properly,” she dragged her protesting sister behind her.

“She is becoming a fine Lady,” you chuckled awkwardly. “I can’t help feeling that the air and water in King’s Landing are making her grow up faster. Perhaps she is spending too much time with women older than her,” you explained, clasping your hands in front of yourself as if you had no idea what to do with them. “Come with me, I am sure you want to greet your father and sister, too.”

“I do,” Gwayne followed you inside while some of the men he had taken with him were taking care of his luggage with the help of The Red Keep’s servants. “You still haven’t answered my question about the chambers,” he pointed out when you were in the staircase together.

“My darling,” you turned around abruptly, making him stop his walk. “Your chambers are close to mine, please do not get cross with me. Those past few months I have learnt to love my solitude,” you explained and Gwayne tilted his head again but he only nodded.

“Let it be then,” he only said.

With each one of your husband’s kisses and each one of his touches, each one of your reached peaks and cries of pleasure, you felt more and more purified of sin as if his body was washing away Alicent’s smell off of you. After months of not laying together, you were lost in each other for hours with caring very little about getting any sleep. You were watching the sun rise behind the window when you were too exhausted to go on as you were laying on Gwayne’s chest, drawing circles there with your fingers and his hand was playing with your hair, gently massaging your scalp.

“Have you been faithful to me?” You asked casually and you could feel his muscles tensing under you.

You had no right to ask that – but he did not know of it.

“I have,” he answered. “Of course I have.”

“And if I say that the whores count, too?” You looked up playfully.

“I have been faithful to my Lady Wife,” Gwayne shook his head and you spotted a slight irritation on his face. He did not like it when his honour was being questioned – he was a knight, after all. “Why do you ask? Have you not been faithful to me?”

A shiver went down your spine at his chilling accusation.

“How can you ask me that?” You gasped.

“You have accused me first.”

“Because you are a man,” you reminded him.

“I am. And I know what men are like,” Gwayne nodded his head. “They must all be following you around – a beautiful Lady far away from her husband is like an invitation,” he finally cracked a smile, revealing that he was only jesting.

“I do not want any man but you,” you assured him as the tension left your body because you did not have to lie about it.

“That is good to know, my love,” Gwayne kissed the top of your head. “You had me worried with your cold greeting and not letting me into your chambers.”

“Are you not in my chambers now, Lord Husband?” You teased him and placed a kiss on his chest where his heart was. “And if my greeting was cold, then I owe you an apology. I spend too much time around your sister and her husband and I keep forgetting that some marriages are happy. That mine is…” You wanted to look up to meet his gaze but you couldn’t as something inside of you was stopping you.

“That is a shame,” Gwayne only said.

“It is, darling, but you are here now to remind me.”

You were sitting in the same chambers as Alicent, embroidering side by side and even though you were using no words, you found each other’s company comforting. Your arms were brushing as you both were focused on creating beautiful patterns on the same piece of fabric to make the work faster. It was supposed to be a beautiful green blanket with embroidered little dragons. 

Princess Helaena was sitting nearby and embroidering spiders on her own piece of fabric. Her cousin, Lady Margaery Hightower was sitting next to her and teaching her younger sister the craft. It was peaceful, cosy and quiet – you loved those moments the most because it was nearly as if Alicent was your own Lady Wife and you were just enjoying the time spent together with your family, far away from all those loud and obnoxious men surrounding you everywhere. These chambers were your escape and your own queendom.

When the doors opened, everyone except for Helaena looked up with a slight irritation since the man entering this sanctuary was nothing but an intruder. Even if the man was Ser Gwayne Hightower, who was loved by every person inside the chambers.

He cleared his throat when you gave him a soft smile, your arm still brushing Alicent’s and you were sitting in a way that made sure you were facing each other. You had never thought about it before but it was quite intimate indeed. Your husband’s tilted head made you realise that he had just observed something and after a short while you understood what it was as you moved away slightly.

“Brother,” Alicent greeted him. 

“Lord Husband,” you nodded at him.

“Forgive me for interrupting. I would like to take Margaery for a walk around the gardens,” he extended his hand towards his older daughter as Wyllow looked up at him with pleading eyes. “It must be Margaery alone this time but I promise you, little bird, I am going to take you for a walk later, too. Perhaps we’ll walk to the bay and watch the ships,” he assured her and she sighed with relief.

“You can finish without my help now, I believe,” Margaery handed the fabric to her younger sister. “Do try, at least. If you face any challenges, Lady Mother or Helaena shall help you.”

Helaena looked up when her name was mentioned and she gave Wyllow a soft smile that encouraged her little cousin to keep going. When Margaery stood up and left the sofa, Wyllow moved closer to Helaena and The Princess did not seem to mind.

“Can you help me with the ladybug?” She asked and Helaena’s face lit up at that.

“Lord Father,” Margaery took Gwayne by his arm and bowed her head at you and Alicent before walking out of the chambers with her father.

“I am wondering what is the matter my Lord Husband wishes to discuss with Margaery,” you hummed to yourself.

“She is ten and five now,” Queen Alicent pointed out. “What is the only possible matter that fathers wish to discuss with their daughters at that age?”

You furrowed your brows at her words because she was right and you did not like the sound of that. It was a shame that she was right, too, and not only for your own daughter but for every woman in this Realm. 

You saw Gwayne again before dinner, on your way to the dining hall. He was walking down the stairs and you rushed to him to walk by his side. He offered you his arm and you took it.

“I have a question for you, Lord Husband,” you started, nearly aggressively and he raised his eyebrows at that fierceness.

“What is it, my love?”

“Are you planning to marry our sweet Margaery off so quickly? I do not wish for her to get wed too soon,” you told him, hoping he would understand your point of view because sadly, in the end, the decision was his to make for women had always been properties of men – once her father’s, then her husband’s.

Sometimes you wished you had become a septa.

“Not soon, no. But she is ten and five. That was the age you were in when we met,” Gwayne reminded you with a smile.

“Yes, indeed, my darling, but it was us both meeting and falling in love. That is different, you must admit,” you pursed your lips.

“I must, indeed. Do not worry, I am not willing to force anything upon our sweet daughter. I have only told her to start looking around for suitable matches… soon,” your husband explained. “I am sure King’s Landing is full of important young men.”

“I do not wish for her to get married here. This place is rotten and so are its people,” you sighed. “My greatest wish is for Margaery to marry a man from The Reach.”

“We all have wishes, my darling wife,” Gwayne’s answer was nearly mocking but he spotted your annoyance so he looked around to make sure you were not being seen before pulling you by your waist and pushing you against the wall to steal a kiss from your lips. “Gods, I missed this,” he whispered and you felt your cheeks heating up.

“Gwayne!” You scolded him playfully. “I missed this, too,” you added and caressed his cheek with your fingers.

But his smile dropped and eyes became serious all of the sudden. You stayed like that in a short moment of silence before he dropped the question that turned your guts inside out:

“What is the nature of your relationship with my sister?”

You were taken aback by his question and you moved your hand away from his face before taking a deep breath in, trying to steady your heartbeat.

“Alicent is my best friend,” you looked deep into his eyes, surprised by your own courage to lie like this…

But was it a lie? She was your friend, after all.

“There is intimacy between you two that I can only wish for between us these days,” Gwayne whispered and you bit on your lower lip.

“She is my main companion for weeks now,” you tried to explain.

“Are you still planning to come back home after The King dies?” Gwayne lowered his voice even more since talking about the monarch’s death could be seen as treason.

“Y-yes, of course,” you nodded nervously.

“Why the tremble of your voice?” Gwayne raised an eyebrow.

“What are you accusing me of?” You suddenly clenched your fists, trying to take another route of getting out of this awkward situation. “Your implications are indecent. You have been accusing me of obscenities ever since you arrived here. You wound me deeply, Lord Husband,” you straightened yourself.

“You have accused me first,” Gwayne reminded you.

“Without any reproach thrown at you. I have asked out of simple curiosity,” you informed him.

“You are right, do forgive me,” he reached for your hand to place a delicate kiss upon the palm of it. You sighed, feeling extremely guilty.

“You are forgiven,” you whispered, nearly inaudibly, because it felt wrong to be the one saying those words.

In fact, at that very moment, you promised yourself to fix everything. You promised yourself to invite Gwayne to your chambers again for the night and let his touch to purify you like on the previous night. And you would go to The Sept and you would pray the sin away, you would beg for forgiveness, you would be a better wife, perhaps you would beg Alicent to let you go back to Oldtown with your husband.

Yes, that was the plan.

In the early morning you couldn’t tell that you were well-rested. Your muscles were sore after the previous two nights and your head was hazy but you still got dressed up quickly when the sun was rising and creeping inside your chambers to shine upon Gwayne’s auburn hair. You leaned in to kiss his forehead and you left him sleeping to visit The Sept and be able to go back to The Red Keep before breakfast.

You had never been a devout but you were not a savage either. You believed in Gods and now more than ever you needed redemption.

You expected to be alone there at such an early hour but no – of course not. Queen Alicent was already there, kneeling by the stone table and lighting the candles. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in. She was your greatest temptation and it was a cruel joke that the Gods had played on you to put her there at this time when you visited The Sept to pray her very own self away from your life.

Alicent looked up, surprised to see you. Her soft features were as sad as usual but at the sight of you she seemed to be a bit happier – relieved, in a way. Your heart clenched inside your chest. How could you ever want to leave her? You couldn’t. She was too dependent on you. Her happiness was and so was her sanity. Leaving her would be equal to killing her.

“I have not expected you in The Sept at such an early hour,” she commented as you kneeled next to her.

“I have not expected myself here either,” you smirked. “I came here to ask for forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness? Aren’t you always the one telling me that what we do is no sin?” Alicent furrowed her brows.

“I have lied to my husband. That is a sin,” you confessed and Alicent did not say anything to this. “I… I will have to go back to Oldtown, I think… I can’t… I can’t go on like this,” you looked down and Alicent remained silent but you didn’t have to look at her to know her big brown eyes were filled with tears. “I miss my son and I miss Oldtown… King’s Landing is corrupt and I do not wish for my daughters to grow up here. I… I miss Gwayne, too. I love him, I love him, I love him…”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Sudden, harsh question made you look up to meet her teary gaze.

“I’ve been loving him ever since I saw him during the tournament. You were there, sitting by my side,” you reminded her.

“You love him because he is my brother but your life has always revolved around me,” Alicent pointed out and you felt your cheeks heating up.

“You… You knew?” You only asked.

“I was blind to choose Rhaenyra because she was never for me to reach. She was The Princess and you were equal to me, so devoted. Blindly, very often. I took you for a fool and only after losing you, I realised. When you were sent to Oldtown, I suddenly understood that my only friend had left my side,” Alicent explained. “My only friend and the only person who has ever… Who has ever loved me – except for my mother.”

“Gwayne loves you, too,” you pointed out.

“Does he? He took you away from me,” Alicent’s jaw clenched and your eyes widened. She was not being rational but you knew why – she was scared of losing you again. In fact, she was determined to make you stay by her side.

“You will not let me leave, will you?” You whispered.

Alicent opened her mouth to say something but then her face softened and she stood up rapidly to walk away.

“I am sorry… I do not wish to… Act like this… I do not recognise myself,” she admitted with her voice full of shame. She raised her hands up to her mouth as she nervously bit on the soft skin around her fingernails.

You didn’t answer because you were too lost in your own thoughts. Was she right again? About you loving Gwayne only because he was her brother? You had never thought about it before. It would mean your whole marriage was a lie, an illusion – or rather a delusion.

“When I’m with him, I don’t imagine you,” you stood up as well when the realisation hit you. “But when I’m with you, he doesn’t exist to me. It’s as if there were two of me.”

“I do not understand,” Alicent shook her head. “To me, there is only you,” she confessed and laid her eyes on you.

You didn’t know what to answer. You swallowed a lump in your throat instead.

“I am flawed, poisoned…” Alicent continued. “I can only feel this way towards other women. I felt this way towards Rhaenyra until a certain moment and then… Then my whole life was about you. I have spent hours inside this Sept, trying to pray this away,” Alicent’s silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I do not have such a conflict. I can love both men and women,” you told her. “I can love you and I can love Gwayne…”

“I do not wish to share you!” Alicent interrupted you and then she hid her face in her hand as she sobbed.

“Women are not their own property. I am not the one to decide if I can be shared,” you answered diplomatically.

You felt sorry for her but you also felt sorry for Gwayne that he was being betrayed behind his back by his own wife and sister – two women he loved the most except for his daughters. He would die for you both, he would kill to protect you or to defend your honours – even though none of you had an honour anymore. He was the real victim here.

But one more look at Alicent’s sad eyes was enough to break you again. You approached her to cup her face and kiss her softly. She protested in the beginning since you were inside The Sept but you didn’t give a fuck about it anymore – you would go to Seven Hells anyway.

“I shall not leave you,” you promised her.

When you came back to your chambers, Gwayne was dressing up in front of the mirror. He raised an eyebrow at you entering the room.

“Where have you been?” He asked.

“In The Sept to pray,” you answered truthfully.

“Has my sister turned you into a devout like her already?” He chuckled.

“She has a great influence on me,” you nodded and walked up to him to kiss his cheek.

“You even smell like her,” he said and your heart skipped a beat.

“I am fond of her scented oils and she allows me to use them,” you answered.

“It feels weird when I’m fucking you, I have to admit,” Gwayne chuckled awkwardly and so did you.

“You shall fuck me more then,” you pointed out quietly.

“Even more, Lady Wife?” He shook his head with another chuckle.

“Until her scent is gone,” you explained and looked out of the window.

Gwayne did not say anything to this but his smile disappeared. From the corner of your eye you saw his reflection in the mirror and you realised that he had finally understood what was going on behind his back.

After a while, which felt like forever, he cleared his throat:

“It is a putrid place indeed.”

“You must take me far away from here,” you turned around to grab his arm and your heart broke when you felt him flinch a little. “You must save my soul and take me home,” you pleaded despite the promise you had given to Alicent earlier but that promise had not been given sober. You had been intoxicated with her.

“You must come back home yourself, my love,” Gwayne smiled sadly at you and caressed your hair gently, “for I do not wish to force anything upon you. You are always kind enough to remind me that you are not my property, aren't you? And I agree,” he nodded, “this decision is for you to make.”

And you didn’t know what to say or do because there was no decision that felt right and no decision that didn’t feel wrong either. Gwayne was your duty and your sacrifice and Alicent was a self-indulgent sin but you loved them both so much that you cursed the whole Hightower bloodline for existing because your life would be so much easier without them.

You knew what Gwayne was expecting of you – he expected you to choose your duty because – just like his sister – he was all about honour and decency. But you didn’t want your husband to feel as if you were choosing him only because of your marriage vows – you wanted him to know that you cared for him, too, even though he wouldn’t believe you now.

But there was only one choice for you anyway, wasn’t it? You couldn’t just stay with Alicent and pretend that it was the right thing to do. You couldn’t abandon your family and your duties for her and she had to understand it.

You looked deep into Gwayne’s eyes and your own filled with tears at the sight of all the pain and sadness in his. You dropped your hand down from his arm to intertwine your fingers with his.

“I do not think of myself as flawed or poisoned for feeling the way I feel,” you explained to him. “But I do not wish for my nature to spoil our union. If anybody can save me, it would be you,” you whispered. A plea. A desperate cry for help. “I am a mother, I am a wife, I am Lady Hightower and my home is in Oldtown.”

Your heart, however, would forever be divided; torn and bleeding. The deep, burning hole was forever to stay there for one reason or another.

MASTERLIST

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💓The Greatest Romance of Your Life! ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

You know you’re destined to be with your Soulmate; deep in your Soul you know there’s something beautiful already written in the stars for you and your Divine Lover★

What’s the story? What’s the drama? How will they pursue you? Aaaah! This One who will love you completely and sweetly and only! ♥︎

SONG: ohhh! by Chara

A WHOLE DREAMY VIBE: The Best of Piero Piccioni

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Pile 1 – That Handsome Gentle Soul

VIBE: Emily in Paris (just S1!)

your options? – 2 of Pentacles

Oh! You’re such a tease and you have many admirers, I can tell XD By the time events in your Life are leading you to a union with your Destined One, you will have quite a bit of options, and actually, you’re weighing at least two people in this scenario. Under normal circumstances, you’d consider yourself a person of traditional values. You always think to yourself that you’re a simple and straightforward person with very ‘normal’ desires.

You want the house, the security and stability, and all those ‘normal things’ that come with a marriage. It’s all understandably expected. You’ve always thought to yourself, ‘I want what is normally expected.’ People have rules in society and it is best to keep to what’s already within the guidelines. You’ll be ruminating these values and gains a lot during this time of your Life.

No matter your actual age at this time, psychologically speaking, you’d want to choose the person who seems more stable and wealthier. It sounds like such a no-brainer; but you’re finding yourself ruminating this shit to no end. And you’d wish things could be a lot simpler; after all, aren’t you simple? Oh, as it turns out, you’re really not all that simple—especially since meeting this other fucker who’s lighted up your horizon~

decisions, decisions, decisions – 10 of Cups Rx

In the beginning, you may not immediately realise that this person we’re talking about is your Destined One. By that time in your Life, you could’ve forgotten all about this reading hahah And you’d be so preoccupied with Life’s more pragmatic duties. By this time, half of you could either be in your late 20s or early 30s, being asked endlessly why you’re not married yet; another half of you could be in your early 50s and simply wanting things to settle and get ‘normal’ in your Life.

The thing is, your Higher Self has arranged for you to meet a Soulmate, a Divine Lover who will actually show you how not normal you are if you were honest with yourself LMAO This person on the outside is actually what you are on the inside if you let yourself be. This Destined One is unorthodox, they are weird in a way that suits your tastes and they somehow align with your values! You’re crazy attracted to this about them, but at some point, you will pull away from them because you’re afraid!

You’re afraid this person will pull you away from everything that’s normal and expected of you. But are you really the type of person who regards a matrimony that highly? Seriously? If you’re honest? This person will show you that they, too, don’t particularly care about the expectations of a marriage. They will show you that they care more about the love and romance and all those sweet feelings that come with being actually in love with someone you adore. No riches in the world can substitute the happiness of holding someone you love in your arms~ With this person, you understand that <3

your True Love?! – 5 of Wands Rx

The biggest reason you will pull away from your Destined One is that you’re afraid of fucking things up with this wonderful person who seems like such a grand prize. Rather than facing the reality of losing this person’s favour out of your own fucking things up, you’d rather never be with them in the first place. And that’s such a sad thing because your Destined One would never think of such things about you!

Out of all the options you could be having at this phase of your Life, you will recognise that your one and only true love is somebody who doesn’t make you feel pressured towards making a decision. I’m getting that your Destined One is very gentle and peaceful, and they’re really understanding of the kinds of negative thoughts that often encircle your mind. If anything, your Destined One will want to erase those scary thoughts from your mind. They want to put you at ease~

They’re not weak or shy though. If anything, your Destined Person is quite shameless and they will want to win you over LMAO But they won’t be forceful or pushy. They’re respectful of your boundaries. They will only continue to come forward with Love, and Love, and just Love—they do worry about you tho ;P So, occasionally you will be able to see their ‘cute side’ when they scold you because they’ve been worried sick!

FIRST KISS🔻💛

feelings pouring sweet~ – Red Magus (Edward Kelly)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Beauty

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Pile 2 – Ahhh, You Know You Like Being Swallowed Whole~ ;P

VIBE: Green Snake (1993)

your options? – 5 of Swords Rx

At first glance, it feels to me you won’t be dealing with too many options during this time of your Life where you’re being led to a union with your Destined One; but it isn’t because you don’t have many eyes vying for your hand in marriage, nooo far from it; you, just already know who you’re gonna allow to make a move on you ;P You just already know who you want to be with! ★ And it seems to me you’re the one who’s gonna do the pursuing ;P

If you’re a feminine aenergy attracted to a masculine aenergy, you’re going to lead them on. Basically, from the moment you fell for your Destined One, they’re already in the palm of your hand. I reckon you’re the one who’s gonna recognise who your Destined Person is, and it’s all because you’re a highly spiritual entity. And honestly, you’ve been through quite a lot of shit and you’ve experienced quite a bit how other people’s negative resonance brought down your protective barriers in the past.

You don’t want to entertain low-vibing suitors anymore. You can’t stand the idea of your Life being turned upside down ugly by people whose hearts are UGLY AF. You’ve got no time for any of that. You want your Destined Person and you’ll do anything in your power to make this person fall in love with you <3 I sense a majority of you choosing this pile actually identify as a masculine aenergy attracted to a feminine aenergy regardless of your gender, which makes a lot of sense XD

decisions, decisions, decisions – Knight of Swords

In the past, you’ve dealt with people who are all over you because you’re attractive as fuck. Maybe they wanted your money, status, whatever. You’re a grand prize, you know. People would be so lucky to call you their own. And you got fucking pissed with being seen as a trophy boyfriend/girlfriend—as if you haven’t got your own personality or other achievements. How about your heart and dreams and Love, right? And you know that most people don’t value you for these things. They value you for the things that, to you, don’t matter at all!

By the time the Universe is arranging for you to be in a divine union with your spiritual Soulmate, you’ll have been single for quite a significant time. You’ve shielded yourself from cheap romances. Are you a sigma? LOL You’re honestly not even that interested in people to begin with. Most of the time, you like your own company and keep to yourself a lot. You’ll have been elusive for a number of years before you meet your Destined Person by chance~ This could be a work/professional setting but you’ll still feel like it’s a destined chance meeting hahah

The moment you catch a glimpse of your Destined Person, you feel something electrifying and know immediately this person is special—different from the rest and that you need to figure them out. Perhaps by your second or third meeting, something in you has made it clear to your conscious mind that this is The One. If you’re the masculine in this situation, it’s pretty obvious you’re going to charm them so that they open their heart to you ♡ If you’re a feminine in this situation, you’re going to tease them a lot until they know it’s perfectly alright for them as a masculine to charm you LMAO

your True Love?! – 7 of Cups

So it’s interesting to see a card of a plethora of choices after all that’s said and done. As mentioned before, you’re an attractive high-quality person who’s lusted over by many undeserving asses, and I’m getting mostly this vibe, that when you’re about to make it official with your Destined Person, there’s gonna come a negative force to try and ruin your chances. For many of you this could be anything, really, but for some of you this could be an ex, or basically someone you used to be quite close to, coming back into your Life in the hopes of winning you over. Or worse—even if they know they can’t win you over, they’re still gonna come over to taunt your Destined Person out of jealousy! OMG

If this ‘trying force’ doesn’t come from your end, this could also come from your Destined Person’s end. After all, your Destined Person is ALSO popular and a lot of people are gonna hate on you for being so close to them hahah So, you and your one True Love are gonna be viewed as that power couple and before you come together there will be forces that try and separate you. It's very likely there is a time you become quite distant from each other because of all these negative intents from your environment.

You’ve got people lining up to become your spouse and each one of them could become uncontrollably jealous when you proclaim a relationship with your Destined One XD Oh, you heartbreaker~ And in the case of an ex, or a very close ex-friend who used to harbour feelings and hopes for you, this person could well break your Destined Person’s heart and make them cry. They might even try and do something very evil to your Destined Person just to hurt YOU! This, is your lesson from the Universe to decide how you’re going to protect the one and only person you say you love~

FIRST KISS🔻💜

feelings pouring sweet~ – Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Magick

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Pile 3 – This the One Who’ll Sacrifice Anything for You

VIBE: Titanic (1997)

your options? – Page of Wands Rx

During this time when the Universe is arranging for you to be with your Destined Person, very strange and complex situations are happening in your Life. First, it’s possible you’re already steady/engaged/married to someone else, and this is why it seems you’re not dealing with a variety of romantic options. Two, it could just be that you’re totally NOT opening yourself up to the prospect of a relationship or even a marriage HAHAH

By this point in your Life, if you have friends or are in the public eye, it’ll have been quite obvious to everybody that you’re not the marrying type. For whatever reason, you’re quite sceptical—even cynical—about this whole notion of a relationship or a matrimony. Either you’re tired or afraid of being bound by a loveless contract. You’ve seen how people switch up and betray their spouses. You’ve heard plenty of cheating couples and broken trusts. Ain’t nobody got time to open up to horrendous crimes like that!

To everybody else, you’re an elusive siren who lives in your own world of make-believe, which annoyingly only makes you even more sought-after. At this point in your Life, you appear to the world as some sort of a rare catch and people will be sneakily trying to woo you, to win you over, because that would make them look cool. Many courageous (or should we say reckless?) warriors will attempt to break your icy castle and die in vain, never realising the whole time you were wishing for a King!☆

decisions, decisions, decisions – 10 of Pentacles

To say that you ‘don’t want to be married’ is actually quite a contrarian thing. Deep in your Soul, you want to have a wholesome, a complete and harmonious relationship with a Kingly character. You want something real that most people don’t even know how to give—because most people are shallow and infantile and so poor in character… These peasants… Sigh, they bore you to death. They disappoint to no end. But then, one day…

By some miraculous encounter you bump into your Destined One. Some miraculous encounter that wouldn’t have happened at all if some curiously specific events did not stack up a certain way. It is by Divine Design that you meet at all on that very day. That very moment you see this person, your heart jump and a voice in you exclaim, ‘Husband??’ or ‘Wife??’

Of course that’s super strange that a voice within you would say that at all. You might find it cringe or think you’ve lost all your marbles completely. ‘I think I’m delusional because I’ve been lonesome for a while…’ But soon after, you really wake up to the realisation that the Universe has sent you a pretty gift in the form of a Human who’s the perfect match for you. This person is THE IDEAL, the moment, the archetype, the everything you’ve ever dreamt a true love—your true love—would be~

your True Love?! – King of Wands

The complete package. This Destined Person, is literally YOU in a different form. They may not be perfect for any other person, but for you, all your fingers fit each other perfectly. Mind you, your Destined Person is very attractive in spite of all their flaws, so it’s not like there isn’t any competition here XP Your Destined Person is definitely somebody who turns heads when they enter a room. Even the parking lot is their runway!

This person commands respect, indeed they exude a very Kingly aenergy. They are charisma personified—very giving, honourable, even sacrificial. Your Destined Person is somebody who truly understands what it means to give back to the community. A true King who gains respect for the service he has given to his people. A King like this is truly loved and revered instead of feared. That’s the kind of aenergy your Destined Person operates with.

You will be very happy with this person. You know that, thus the exclamation upon seeing them! In spite of your apprehensions about marriage, when your King proposes, when they claim you as their Queen (LOL), you simply simply simply curiously intuitively know you’re gonna be taken care of~ And that’s such a nice feeling to have to finally feel safe with someone who truly cares for your wellbeing. Someone whom you know, at all times, will make big sacrifices just to put a smile on your face ♥︎

FIRST KISS🔻🧡

feelings pouring sweet~ – Silver Astrologer (John Dee)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Energy

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Grey Days

Hi everyone! Here is a little Hozier oneshot for today! It’s a little sad, but mostly hurt/comfort. Did I write it after crying when I watched that interview he did where he spoke about his struggle with mental health? Yes. Obviously. I want to give him so many hugs…

I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of depression

Summary : Andrew is used to feel low sometimes, he has been plagued by those periods for as long as he can remember. But if he usually solves his sadness by being alone, this time, the antidote to his pain might be you.

Word Count : 2671

Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

There were days like this, where everything was grey for no reason.

The sky rolling with clouds, heavy with rain, threatening with thunder, for sure wasn’t helping. But Andrew couldn’t pretend that it was at fault. Nor was the season, spring was on the horizon after all. There were boughs staining the branches, the first flowers blooming, the air a little warmer, the wind calmer than the winter storm. The birds had been chirping all morning, even if they had quietened now, under the menace of rain. He should be happy. The sun was high this morning, he had gotten some work done at Alex’s, he had had a nice lunch with his parents. Nothing but positive things, in theory.

And yet Andrew could feel his skin crawling, the tears that threatened to rise and spill, the numbness that came with spleen. Christ, melancholy was such a bitch, sometimes.

It was a bad day, the voices in his head were louder than usual. Despite the distractions he couldn’t keep them down. He kept on thinking about the pieces of songs he had recorded this morning with Alex, and on the spot they sounded good. Now, all he had left was doubt. For sure, none of it was good enough, and his lyrics were all over the place, and they didn’t do the subject justice… the didn’t do you justice…

He felt the burn in his eyes and the tightening in his throat again, his breathing grew more laboured, so he took a deep breath. He was driving, now was not the time…

And yet the thoughts were still there. As he entered his tiny town, the swirling of voices kept shouting.

Not good enough…

Don’t know how to write a proper song…

Got lucky with one song, will never be good enough again…

Imposter…

He entered his driveway, parked the car there. He didn’t notice your car until he was turning his head towards the front door.

Fuck…

He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, for pretending that everything was alright, for playing perfect boyfriend…

Another person you’ll end up disappointing…

Another thing in your life you don’t deserve…

He closed his eyes for a moment, tried to shush the voices. Just voices. It was just his busy head being louder than usual.

He just needed to calm down…

Damn, he should have called to cancel for tonight. You had a date night planned, you had told him you would come to his place early to start preparing dinner. You weren’t living together but he had a change of keys to your place, and you had one to his. He didn’t need to be home for you to come in.

Yesterday, Andrew was thinking about asking you to move in with him, to make a common home out of his large house.

She’d never say yes to you anyway…

He clenched his jaw, until his teeth gritted.

Just voices. Just voices. He was okay, he was fine…

It was just dinner, and it would be lovely. He loved you, he would have a great time…

He blinked his eyes open, brushed the wetness from his eyelashes.

Put on a brave face for her, come on…

He released some of the tension across his jaw, finally let go of the steering wheel. The soreness in his fingers made him realise how tightly he had been holding it.

He had no strength left in his body to open the car door, but he did it anyway. He was kind of used to it, the falls that followed the heights. It hadn’t happened in a long time. So bad, out of nowhere? Probably a year. Yeah, not long after the two of you started dating. It was pretty smooth after that. There were days when he didn’t feel great, but he didn’t feel terrible. With no energy left in his frame, no positive thoughts on his mind, no faith in himself, and no social battery either. Usually, when he felt like this, he simply locked himself up for a couple of days. The solitude usually helped. And now, he needed to be left alone, or at least he thought so. Besides, he would be in a terrible mood all evening, you would properly get tired of the sight and his sharp tone very quickly. And he didn’t want to take it out on you, it wasn’t fair, and he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was too tired to be angry anyway.

He unlocked the front door, was welcomed by the smell of spices. It should have made him smile, but instead, his heart clenched.

He took off his shoes and jacket, slowly, too slowly. Any other day he would have hurried to join you.

Tonight, all he wanted was to be alone, to not talk to anyone, to get out of his clothes that felt like a burden too heavy to carry, and get under the covers, and lie there for the rest of the night, and maybe throughout tomorrow too.

Instead, he walked to his kitchen, nervously rubbing at his palms. God, he bet he looked terrible. He didn’t have a hair tie, and his hair was frizzy with the humid air, and he felt so fucking ugly when he entered the room, knowing he looked like a mess in sweatpants and an old t-shirt when you looked stunning, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…

You didn’t seem to notice, because when you saw him, you let out an excited gasp and hurried into his arms.

Why did the feeling of you in his embrace make him want to cry?

“Hi, baby! How was your day?”

He cradled the back of your head in his large hand, gently, as if you could break under his touch. He rested his lips on the top of your head, took a deep breath of your shampoo, the scent so familiar, so soothing, so reassuring…

He closed his eyes.

It lasted a couple of seconds, and then the voices were back.

One day she’ll see you can’t make her happy…

He pulled away.

“Good,” he answered elusively, forcing a smile, but he knew it was tight-lipped. “Busy.”

“Did you get some work done with Alex, then?”

“Hmm… loads.”

“Good! You must be tired then, you can sit down, I’m almost done!”

He looked at the meal you were making for the two of you. You had set up the table, had even lit up some candles. It was fucking nice, so damn romantic…

“Smells amazing,” he complimented, but you seemed to notice that there was no light left in his voice. “Gonna take a shower before joining you, okay?”

“Sure! But… you’re okay, honey?”

Honey… Honey…

“Yeah, just… tired. Long day. I won’t take long.”

You nodded, offering a smile and he did his best to give it back.

He thought the shower would help, but it didn’t. He almost let the floodgates open while the warm water numbed his muscles, made his body feel like it wasn’t there at all. He had even less strength as he walked out of the shower. But at least, now, he was wearing a shirt and black jeans, and he had tied his hair in a low bun, looking close to presentable. He was wearing his glasses, he didn’t have the energy to put some contacts on.

When he entered the kitchen again, you had poured some red wine, were humming to a tune he didn’t know, checking the cooking of your vegetables.

“Almost done! Perfect timing!” you announced with pride.

“Thank you for cooking tonight,” he let out in a breath.

He knew his shoulders were bent, he knew you had noticed the way he was trying to look as small as possible. He read it in your frown. He nervously rubbed at his collarbone, felt irritated now.

She’s doing all this for you, you can’t get mad for nothing. It’s not her fault, calm down.

He sat down, as you invited him to do so. You brought food a couple of minutes later, and he asked you about your day. But unlike any other day, it wasn’t out of genuine curiosity and fondness; he simply didn’t want to speak.

He had done a good job at playing pretend the rest of the day, but he had no energy left to keep the mask on. The cracks were all over his features, in every forced smile, in every glance, in every blinking of tears. Your food was delicious, he complimented you on it, forced himself to swallow it fully, even if he felt like he might throw up if he kept on eating.

“Andy?”

He looked up again, noticing all of a sudden that he hadn’t paid attention to the conversation in a few minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

You offered him a kind smile, reached for his hand across the table. An anchor, an intimate gesture of support.

His throat tightened, he couldn’t find his voice.

“Baby… it’s just me. Why are you all closed up all of a sudden?”

He gave you a sad smile, although he had aimed for it to be reassuring.

“Just…”

Just tired was the excuse, but then again, he didn’t feel like lying now. Didn’t have the strength for it. Maybe if he were honest now, you’d show him the voices were right, you’d realise what a loser he could be sometimes, how you should leave…

Shut! Up!

“It’s just… it’s just a bad day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean… nothing in particular, I just… I don’t know… sometimes my head gets messy with thoughts for no reason. I’ve been working a lot for the past couple of months, it’s more frequent when I’m tired.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“It’s pretty bad today, right?” you asked, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry. Your meal is truly delicious, and I was really excited about having a date night. I know I’m kind of… fucking up the mood.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked with bitterness in his voice, and he clenched his jaw at the sound.

He wouldn’t let himself get angry against you. He was in love with you. So fucking much. And you didn’t deserve that.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes, Andy.”

He looked down at his empty plate.

“It’s a bit worse than that.”

He heaved a sigh.

“I’m fine though, it just… It just needs to pass. I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days.”

“What do you usually do when something like that happens?”

“Erm… I just… shut down, basically. Wallow in self-pity for a while,” he tried to joke, managed to get a smile out of you. “I just… lock myself up on my own until I feel really low, and then I go out, and… it lingers a few days, sometimes a few weeks, but by then I can put a mask on again.”

“Do you put that mask on with me?”

“It hadn’t been so bad in a long time.”

“And when it’s not as bad?”

He shrugged.

“There’s no need to worry you about that.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I’m your girlfriend. I tell you when I’m unwell.”

He started rubbing at his collarbone again, until the skin turned a bright shade of red.

“I don’t particularly enjoy talking about it,” he replied, his tone dry and distant.

“But I… you know you can trust me, right? That you can talk with me about these things…”

“I know… It just doesn’t help. I know how to handle this, I’m fine. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded, but he could feel that your silence was a bad sign.

“So… usually, you just… spend time alone?”

“Yeah.”

“And it helps.”

“Yeah… yeah, it does. I just… I’m kind of introverted, in case you haven’t noticed,” he gave you a small smile. “I recharge my batteries when I’m alone.”

You seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then you were standing. He looked up at you in surprise.

“I should leave you alone, then.”

“Wh… what?”

“You said you needed to be alone… you should have told me, I would have let you have a moment on your own. It’s fine. I get it, if that’s what you need.”

He blinked up, not fully registering what you were doing. His brain jumped to the worst-case scenario, as per usual.

“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”

“What?! Of course, not!”

“You… you’re leaving…”

“Because you said you needed to be on your own for the evening. That’s okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You heaved a sigh, took his hand in yours.

“Andy, I’m very happy with you. I know you love me. There’s nothing wrong in needing to spend some time on your own. You should have just told me. I’ll give you some space for tonight.”

You took his face in your hands, dropped a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you, baby,” you whispered as you pulled away. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And with that you left the room. He heard you fumbling with your things in the hallway.

Being alone was what he needed. He had always longed to take a step back from everyone, even his partners, when he felt like this.

Except that tonight he didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to hold you as tightly as he could, and cuddle in bed, and just forget about the world outside your arms, let you hold him until he couldn’t have a single thought anymore…

He jumped to his feet, rushing across the house as you put on your coat.

“Don’t go.”

The plea cut the air like a knife.

He blinked tears away.

“Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“But you said…”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I won’t be mad if you want to take the night for yourself.”

“Y/N. I don’t. Want you. To go.”

He struggled to swallow back the lump in his throat.

“Please… please, don’t leave.”

You stared at him for a moment, motionless. But then you put your coat back on its hanger, took off your shoes.

When you walked back to him, he almost started to cry.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes… please…”

Before you could say anything else, he was holding you in a tight embrace, one that you quickly reciprocated.

“What do you want us to do, then?” you asked, rubbing his back, and for the first time that day, he felt his muscles relax.

“Honestly… I just want to go to bed, cuddle with you and not move until… the end of the month.”

You laughed, kissing his shoulder through his shirt.

“Well, we’ll have to get up before that I’m afraid… but cuddling for the rest of the evening sounds nice.”

He heaved a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’m fucking up our date night… it was so lovely of you to cook and everything…”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not.”

“Good… that’s grand…”

He finally pulled away, took your hand to guide you to his bedroom. The dishes would have to wait for tomorrow.

He got ready for bed first, and then waited for you. And while he was looking at you as you moved around the bed, plugging in your phone, setting up an alarm for the morning, drinking some water… all he wanted was to hold you close. You were the first person who made him feel that way. Who made him long for companionship even when he felt so low…

… and then, you were in bed, opening your arms for him to settle in your embrace, letting him bury his face in the crook of your neck.

Perhaps this one time, his busy brain was wrong. Perhaps you wouldn’t leave. Perhaps he would stay. And maybe, just this one time, not all things would end…

[suiana]

The song cupid but the reason why cupid doesn't give you a lover cuz he wants you all for himself ❤️

🐄

✎ yandere! cupid headcanons . . .

✎ warnings . . .

― obsessiveness, stalking

(gn! reader x male yandere! oc)

✎ yandere! cupid who has been in love with you ever since he saw you all alone and lonely on valentines day. you just looked so... sad and pathetic! it made him so sad :( don't worry, dear old cupid will help!

✎ yandere! cupid who wants to set you up with someone but there's this gnawing feeling in a tiny corner of his heart that tells him to not give you a significant other. a human one at least.

✎ yandere! cupid who follows you around, learning and understanding everything about you. hm... how peculiar your tastes are. he likes it! he also steals your clothing but that's not important.

✎ yandere! cupid who decides to be funny and shoots you with one of his love arrows. he wonders whether you'll fall in love when you see him- wait why are you glaring in his direction? you can see him already?!

✎ yandere! cupid who's flabbergasted when he realises that you've always noticed him floating around you. but you ignored him in hopes of him losing interest. though your last bit of patience disappeared when he shot that arrow at you. fyi he's not supposed to be visible to humans, so you being able to see him is super intriguing.

✎ yandere! cupid who instantly has heart eyes when you complain about him being an annoying little shit. talking about how you wish he would stop stealing your clothes and how he would just piss off... maybe he is a little masochist! he even stabs himself with his own love arrow to lock in his love for you! how romantic :)

✎ yandere! cupid who notices that his arrows don't have an effect on you. oh what an interesting little thing you are! how could he just not love you? but this also means he can shoot as many arrows as he wants at you now~! he's a little bit silly like that, what a childish cupid he is <3

✎ yandere! cupid who tries to get you to fall in love with him. he still doesn't get why you can't just fall for him already. he's handsome, a love god of sorts, and he can give you everything you want! so why do you still hate him? but he likes a little game of chase :) so he'll tolerate your insults and glares, for now.

✎ "my love~! I have a little surprise for you! why don't you guess what it is, hm?"

[if-you-heart]

Analysing Soul’s character with animal behaviour

Something I’ve noticed about how Soul is treated by a portion of the fandom is that, to be honest, their character is extremely misunderstood by a lot of people. And that’s pretty sad! Because I think Soul is a very interesting and complex character. The main thing I’ve noticed is how Soul is often portrayed as the “big bad villain” because of a handful of lyrics throughout the cccc album. I’m not really going to go into the lyrics right now, but I feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding who Soul really is, and are more so looking for a character to pin all of the blame on for everything that goes down in the album.

Thinking about this made me realise that Soul reminds me of a wolf. Specifically, how a lot of people are quick to perceive a wolf’s social behaviour as “aggression” and them simply just being violent towards a “weaker” wolf.

The behaviour wolves display towards other pack mates (growling, nipping, etc) is almost always framed as them harming the other wolf. It may LOOK threatening, and the wolf’s teeth may seem intimidating, but in reality the wolf is being very gentle with its pack mate. It’s more so a corrective behaviour, or a way of showing social status, in most cases. I think Soul suffers from this misinterpretation when they’re lashing out within the lyrics of some of the songs. I believe the main reason it’s misconstrued is because of a general lack of understanding behaviours the viewer hasn’t personally experienced. Ofc this is a literal animal I’m comparing this to, but there’s still something to be said here regardless.

I’ve seen many people so far perceive Soul’s attitude towards Heart and Mind as pure evil and malicious, and barely cutting them any slack whatsoever. Soul isn’t a villain. They’re just exhausted. They’ve been stretched thin over the stress of feeling like a puppet to the other two. They’re what’s left when emotion and logic separates; a husk that’s struggling to survive. When you villainise them solely for how they act in the music, you’re also disregarding that both Heart and Mind are… just as bad. I mean Heart literally tried to kill Mind. None of these guys are evil, but they’re not good people either. The only way they’ll become whole is if they learn to get along, that’s what the album is about. Not one being more right than the other, but about them finally opening up to each other’s viewpoints and accepting one another, albeit hesitantly.

And yes, Soul’s behaviour in the album is ABSOLUTELY pretty toxic. But that’s what stress and depression does to a person!!! They’re very clearly tired of Heart and Mind fighting all the time. They don’t hate Heart OR Mind, but their patience with these two and their nonstop bickering is growing very thin. And that’s completely understandable. Every single one of these freaks start off with an unhealthy dynamic and difficult mindset. But they learn over time to get along until they’re eventually Whole again. There’s no “villain”, and none of them are completely innocent either. It’s just three really depressed guys who desperately want to see the light.

Anyways,

[tacticaldiary]

You are so talented?? Hells bells!!! could I please request Simon Riley x Wife!Reader where Simon is “pronounced dead” for a mission and it has to seem real enough so like price shows up to your shared home and hands over dog tags? And then like months later he shows up at the house and they reunir?! Like all just very very sad and very comfort/ hurt??

please and many thanks , sugarbean

Till Death Do Us Apart

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

"Love..." He finally breathes out, and she realises that she hasn't said a word in a full minute.

The single word tears a gasp out of her throat, makes her take a small step back. The rasp of his voice, the scent of him as she breathes in...

It's him.

Death itself couldn't stop him from crawling home to her.

Masterlist

Song: I, Carrion (Hozier)

It's funny how fragile the illusion of safety and content is.

Her life had seemed so unshakable, so sure and sturdy and promised. She'd fought for what she had with her husband, made a home with him, gone through years and bumps and ups and downs all because the chance of having him was better than giving up without ever having tried.

Truth be told, she'd never really liked the silence of their home when she was the only one living in it. Simon had asked her a couple times if she got lonely, whether it was too much. He'd asked her about it pretty much every time he packed up and left for a mission halfway across the world. Brows furrowed and voice lilted in concern late at night with his arms around her.

He's met with her smile and a reassurance that the silence was worth his arrival back home. Distance makes the heart go fonder, doesn't it?

And so Simon took it in stride, let the knowledge settle the creep of doubt in his heart beacuse this? Them?

It was more than he'd ever hoped for himself.

Never did he think he'd be the reason someone smiled at him like she did, not once did he consider himself one to want something so cliche as a home until she came around with her warmth and promises of unshakable devotion.

And God had he tried to shake her off. His indifference had only fuelled her determination to worm her way under the cracks of his armour. Once she'd reached inside and pulled out a part of himself he'd long thought was killed by 'Ghost', Simon had found himself letting go of his carefully crafted distance and crumbling under her hands. The best decision of his life.

It's why his breathing is ever so ragged as he watches Price console his hysterical wife from afar, a pair of bloody dog tags with his name engraved in them clutched in her shaking hand.

Simon Riley. Deceased.

If he didn't feel like his world was off kilter he might have made a joke about how it's the second time.

Simon barely manages to hold himself back from running to her, to their home, their bed. It's his instinct to protect, and right now seeing Price let her clutch onto him in grief, everything in Simon is telling him to go, to run and hold her, console her, assure her that he hasn't broken his promise of coming home to her.

It had been a vow whispered against her lips in the dead of night after she'd aired out her fear under the light of the moon. The fear of losing him. Of opening the door to Price instead of him.

Just a few months, he repeats in his head over and over again, because it's the only thing keeping his legs from moving. Just a few months and he can fix this, go back to how everything was. He feels like a jackass, making her go through this, but there was no other option.

And fuck if he hadn't tried to argue.

Death itself couldn't stop him from crawling home to her.

But his line of work could.

                               · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·  

Four months and it still feels like yesterday.

Nothing felt...right anymore.

She felt guilty sitting at the kitchen table where the use to eat together, the sheets on their...her. On her bed had long since lost the subtle scent of him. The living room where she'd curl up in his lap, snicker at him complaining about her choice of movie even when the bastard was just as enraptured and into it and she was.

Everything felt off.

She sets down the half eaten plate of food in the fridge and swallows down the lingering emotion.

When she'd opened the door that day, she very nearly slammed it back shut.

It seemed surreal. Her Simon, her untouchable husband gone in the line of fire. An accident, Price had phrased it as.

She missed him so much it fucking hurt.

Taking a deep breath, she grabs the shopping list she'd scrawled last week onto the fridge and tucks it in her pocket. The dog tags clink against each other around her neck, tucked into her sweater as she moves.

It had taken weeks for her to even look at them.

The doorbell cuts the search for her car keys short.

It's been a while since she's seen anybody, really. Her friends come over every now and then to keep her company, bring her homemade foods and gifts to cheer her up and it does work, but only for a few hours. She appreciates it, she really does, but the small periods of relief are only followed by the guilt of trying to forget and the pain of remembering all over again.

She'd tell them to come back later, she decides. Today was worse a day than usual and she's not in the mood-

Simon.

Simon...?

Her knuckles pale with the grip she has on the doorknob, it's all she can do to stare up at the figure that she only held in her dreams nowadays.

He's so familiar, with that hair she loved to rake her hands through, the slight downturn of his lips, the scars that scatter across his face that she loves to trace in the dark. He's looking down at her with brown eyes so tortured and serious, and...and a little anxious?

This is a cruel joke.

Here he is, bare faced in front of her just like how she'd dreamed about for all those weeks. How often had she cried at night, hoped that this was all a joke and she'd pull open the door to him one more time?

But he wasn't here, was he? No, there was no way. Her fingers touch cool metal and distantly she realises she's clutching onto the piece of himself he left behind, looped around her neck.

"Love..." He finally breathes out, and she realises that she hasn't said a word in a full minute.

The single word tears a gasp out of her throat, makes her take a small step back. The rasp of his voice, the scent of him as she breathes in...

It's him.

It's him.

Something akin to a sob tears its way out of her throat as she lunges towards him, tangles her hands in the fabric of his uniform. She only cries harder when his arms circle around her just as tightly, crushing her to his chest.

"You...you're home?" She manages to push out between stuttered intakes of breaths and sobs. "No, you're...you were-"

"I'm here." He hooks his chin over her head, sways her a little from side to side. If she hadn't been trembling she would have noticed the slight shake of his hands. "Said I'd always come back to you, didn't I?" He walks them backwards, shuts the door with his foots.

"You died!" She exclaims, choking on the words as she pulls back, not far but enough to meet his own red eyes. "You died, I thought you died-"

"Mission," He rushes out, "For a mission, yeah? Wouldn't ever leave you alone-"

"You did!" She suddenly pulls away from him barely out of his grasp and it takes everything in Simon's willpower not to pulls her back in.

Beneath the worry and the grief and the sadness, there's a hint of running anger.

"Four months, I thought you were...were dead." She wipes away her tears, still crying but angry. "And you show up now? Just like that? What the fuck, Simon I thought I was a widow!"

"I'm sorry." It's all he can say. It's pathetic and desperate and he feels frustrated and angry at everyone and himself but it's all he can say to her and he'll repeat it as many times as possible.

They stare at each other for a second, grieving and angry and crushed and hopeful...

And she falls back into him with the promise of an explanation later on, a tangle of limbs, muttered apologies and kisses.

Not because she forgives him. Not because she's willing to brush past it and move on, but because this crushing wave of relief feels better than the last four months of suffering. Because they'll always find their way back to each other.

Because she has her husband back, in one piece, and for the first time in months...

Something in her life clicks back into place.

Reblog, Like and Comment!

(20/10/2023)

[castiwls]

champagne problems - d.w

Paring; dean x reader

Prompt; 'Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you."She would've made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's fucked in the head," they said'

Requested; @arcticwisteria

Notes; No the first time i heard this song I IMMEDIATELY thought of dean :( Also this is quite sad oop but I kinda flipped the prompt so its not the woman saying no but instead its the man it just fitted better in my head. requests are open!

Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist

The tension in the room was thick. The clock ticking seemed to echo throughout the room getting louder and louder with each passing minute as you both sat in silence. For the first time in your relationship, you had no idea what to say or do. You felt helpless as you sat at the kitchen table, your hands clenching and unclenching rhythmically. “So,” You lay your hands flat on the table looking up at the man sitting opposite you. “This is it? Three years down the drain.” You nodded. You couldn’t help the bitterness that seemed to lace into your tone as you spoke.

The realistic part of your brain knew that it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Dean’s fault that his childhood had messed him up so much that now as an adult he struggled with any relationship. You’d know what you were getting into when you’d first began this relationship. You’d known the baggage that came with loving Dean Winchester yet you’d pushed it away because you were so utterly in love with him.

Yet in this moment, you were wondering if you’d possibly made a mistake. If maybe you’d been so blinded with love that you’d overlooked one too many things. 

“Are you gonna say anything?” You flatted your hands on the table looking up at him. Dean’s gaze was locked on the wall behind you. “Dean! Say something…please.” Your voice broke off slightly at the last word. Dean’s eyes finally moved to yours and for the first time, you noticed the way his eyes seemed to glisten slightly. 

“I can’t marry you. I…I can’t” He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth before letting out an airy laugh. “I thought I could. I’ve thought about it for so long but…”

“But you can’t actually do it.” Your hands played with the small red box in your hands. You’d found it on accident a month ago. He’d hidden it in baby’s glove box and that’s where it had lay, slowly collecting dust for the past few months. “You bought the ring, but you can’t actually ask me.” You stared incredulously at him.

Placing the box beside you, you reached out to grasp one of his hands. “What if I asked you?” 

Dean stared at you for a moment. His expression unreadable. “No. He spoke quietly his gaze locked on your hands. “What?” You felt your eyes widen slightly at his bluntness. Dean took a breath before his eyes moved from your hands to your face. He placed his hand over you. “No. I can’t marry you. I thought…I thought the answer was a yes. Sweetheart believe me I did.” He softened his gaze as he watched your eyes slowly begin to fill with tears of their own.

“So what changed.” Your voice wavered slightly as you spoke. You wanted nothing more at this moment than to kick and scream to your heart’s content. “I realised I am far from husband material. That’s what.” A frown pulled at his lips. 

“How do you know that? You are a perfectly good boyfriend. If you weren’t I wouldn’t be sat here right now.” You swallowed trying to hold the tears which threatened to spill back. Dean let out a breath before slowly letting go of your hands. “Because I know I’m messed up alright. And I refuse to burden you with that. Being your boyfriend means you can walk away, I can let you go.” Dean rubbed a palm across his eyes, wiping away the tears which were slowly beginning to fall. “If we get married i can’t let you go.” He finished, his voice dropping to merely a whisper. 

You sucked in a breath, feeling the damn behind your eyes slowly begin to break. “Letting me go?” You shook your head. “No. No, I am not walking away from you Dean. I’m not walking away from us.” You said firmly feeling your face dampen with your tears.

You watched with bated breath as the man opposite you slowly rose from his seat and moved beside you. “Your gonna find someone else. Someone else who's gonna love you and who’s gonna get down on one knee and make you so happy.” He placed a hand on your cheek. “You're gonna get that apple pie life I know you’ve always wanted. But I can’t be the one to give you that.”

His thumb slowly stroked your cheek as his eyes slowly travelled across your face almost as if he was mapping it out. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before leaning forward to press his lips to yours.

Your hand gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. After a moment he pulled back. “I love you.” Dean smiled at you, tears slowly falling from his eyes as he stood from his seat. 

It killed him inside to walk away but he knew he had to. He could never be what you needed and with him in your life, you would never find what you needed.

[theemporium]

🧸 your baby refuses to sleep until Charles sings to her 🥺

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

Every single person who had met Manon Leclerc knew she was practically an angel when it came to babies.

Even as a newborn, she was hardly ever fussy. She didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to cry a lot. She was good with new people, despite so many people warning you that it might not be the case. She was one of the happiest and giggliest babies you could have ever asked for. 

However, things changed when Manon turned nine months old. 

It was like something had flipped in her. You weren’t sure if it was because she was more aware of her surroundings, or maybe it was just a bad phase you were hoping she would grow out of. But it seemed like once she started crying, there was very little that could actually calm her down. 

The worst part had been that Charles had been away for most of the month on a triple header, which left you exhausted and stressed and frazzled after dealing with a non-stop crying baby for the last three weeks. You were drained. You felt guilty for not being able to even help your own daughter. And you just wanted to cry. 

When Charles finally returned home, he was eager to finally see his girls. He knew the last few weeks had been rough on you and Manon, and he was happy he could finally be there for you both. 

However, instead of coming home to his two girls curled up on the armchair in the living room like he was used to, he was instead welcomed home by shrieks and cries and frazzled whispers. 

Charles dropped his bags by the door before he quickly rushed towards the nursery. He stopped at the door, taking in the sight of both his girls crying. Manon was inconsolable, crying and screaming in your arms, while you just looked like you were seconds away from giving up. Your eyes were red and glossy, your cheeks looked puffy and wet, and he hated how broken you looked.

“Oh, mes amours,” he murmured before he closed the distance between you. Without even saying anything, he took the crying baby from your arms, wincing a little at how loud such a small pair of lungs could be. “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Dada’s here.” 

“She won’t stop,” you sniffled, the heels of your palms pressed against your eyes. “I’ve tried everything, but I just can’t—” 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s fine. You did everything you could,” he murmured as he wrapped the arm that wasn’t holding Manon around you. He pressed his lips against your forehead. “You go lie down, I’ll put her to sleep.” 

You sighed. “Charles, you just came home—”

“And you’ve been dealing with her for the last three weeks,” he said with a sad smile. “Let me do it, okay?” 

You nodded, wiping your hands over your face before you shuffled out of the nursery. 

Charles turned his attention down to his crying daughter, his chest clenching at the clear distress on her face. He slowly began to rock her in his arms, pacing around the nursery as he tried to calm her down. But just like you said, nothing was working.

“Do you want some music, hm? You love music, baby,” he murmured softly as he reached for his phone, randomly pressing play on whatever he was listening to. 

His cheeks instantly burned when he realised it was his own song. 

“Ah, we don’t need to listen to Dada,” he murmured as he reached for his phone that was now resting on the chest of drawers. 

Only, he quickly fell short when he realised her crying was beginning to slow down. 

“Ah,” he sighed, and he couldn’t help himself as a massive grin grew on his face. “You like Dada’s music, hm? Did you miss me, sweet girl?” 

He didn’t even notice he had begun humming as he paced around the nursery, watching the way her cries came to a stop and eventually her big eyes started to slowly fall shut. He knew he should’ve put her down, but he didn’t have the heart to do as much. 

“How did you get her to stop?” 

Charles lifted his head, giving you a soft smile as you leaned against the doorway. “She’s a daddy’s girl, clearly just missed me.” 

You huffed out a small laugh. “I should have known.” 

“I’m sorry you have had to do this alone,” Charles murmured but you just shook your head.

“You’re here now,” you said. “That’s what matters.”

.

[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

Could I request 16 for George Weasley? A angst/smut post-war one please??

ofc! i got too into the post war and making it too sad that I couldn't seem to fit the smut without it turning weird and just out of nowhere so i am sorry. but if you request something else with smut I'll definitely do it for you!

Christmas prompt 16- “I didn’t have anyone else to spend Christmas with. Hope you don’t mind if I spend it with you.”

COMPANY

pairings: George Weasley x Fem! Summary: George finds that his only comfort during Christmas is with you Warnings: none

George was tired.

he had gone so long in that house full of people who didn't seem to understand his pain, he had gone so long of his family pretending everything was fine, like Fred wasn't gone, like there wasn't an empty seat next to him during dinner

he felt so alone, so sick of everyone asking if he was ok, and even if it had been 8 months, nothing George could do was enough to shake the feeling of his twin being taken away rom him

and as Christmas approached, he found him regretting things, how he left things with people that had any connection to Fred.

mostly, his relationship with you.

you and George, a complicated situation that George always wondered about

it was difficult to figure out what you two were, and to anybody outside of your circle it would have been seen as a relationship, but you weren't

you were never his and he was never yours, but the late nights cuddling in his dorm, the words said in the astronomy were a whole different story

you were best friends, even if Fred would tease him

he would have sked you out- he was going to tell you he loved you the day of the war, but Remus had dragged you away before he could pack up the courage

one of the last things Fred had told George before getting split up was that he should have told you years ago, that the night of Yule ball should had woken him up to how you felt for each other, but instead ended in tears due to an unreciprocated kiss.

it wasn't like he didn't like it, you had just caught him off guard, and by the time he realised your lips were finally on his after years on pining, you pulled away, apologising as you ran away

that was one of his biggest regrets in life.

the next time George saw you after the war was at Fred's funeral. he had been too sad to go up and take to you, despite your effort the only word said between you was a measly sorry before he walked away, taking a piece of your heart with him.

George could have sworn he heard Fred's voice in his head, telling him to talk to you, to tell you how he felt. but he brushed it off

it was too painful to face you, too hard to look at you when Fred had gone so many years telling him that he needed to pack up the courage. and even if Fred was in his head telling him things, it was never the right time.

and as more time went on, the less and less you saw George

he had given up, he couldn't do anything but sulk around in his apartment above him closed shop for months, doing everything in his power to avoid contact with everything of Freds in his home he now lived alone in.

so, George at on his couch, reading a book, the fireplace on with a blanket thrown over his legs as he rested his feet on the coffee table.

he should be at the burrow, where all his family are right now, probably having dinner as festive songs played, the Christmas eve air coming in through a slightly cracked window of the kitchen as they all get ready to go to bed.

George felt like he couldn't move as he stared at the page, his vision blurry as he heard children's laughs outside, oblivious to the destruction the war had caused to their word,

George often wondered what he would be doing if Fred was still here, but he always stops himself from thinking like that, getting frustrated because he knew he was gone, and nothing could bring him back

he just hated the fact the rest of his family seemed to move on so quickly, he despised the fact that some chose to carry on with life as if George's wasn't just destroyed

he snapped out of him and sighed shutting the book, looking up at the photo on the mantle.

a picture of Fred and him, laughing as you stood in the middle, an unamused look on your face to something George chose not to remember

Fred had loved that photo, hanging it up there when they first got this place

❅.⊹₊ ⋆❆‧⋆☃︎

you yawned as you opened the door of your little cottage right outside Hogsmeade

you frowned and then raised your eyebrows as you took in the man you haven't seen in months as he stood in front of you awkwardly.

"sorry for showing up unannounced" he focuses his gaze away at his feet

you stayed silent for a while as you looked at him.

as if he could sense your confusion as to why he is here he looked up, running a hand through his hair

“I didn’t have anyone else to spend Christmas with. Hope you don’t mind if I spend it with you.” he spoke hopefully, his eyes full of something you could figure out

you stepped out of the doorway and let him in, still a little confused

"is your family away?" you asked as he slowly walked in your home, looking somewhat guilty

he shook his head as he played with his fingers nervously

you knew that had to be a reason for him coming here asking to spend Christmas with you, so you had fought the urge not to ask, just in case it might tick something off

"would you like some hot coco? I was in the middle of brewing some" you blinked

he mumbled a simple yes please as you guided him to your living room. he had sat down and shifted multiple times trying to get comfortable in an odd situation he put himself it, he wondered it he should leave, he rethought coming here as you smiled tightly at him, leaving so many words unsaid

"I can leave if you want me t-" he mumbled before you cut him off

"it's ok" you looked away before going to the next room, watching in the corner of your eye as he looked around, drumming his hands on his knee as you walked to the kitchen, making more hot coco for him

you were still so confused as to why he showed up here, out of the blue, it had been so long since you saw him last that you thought you would never see him again, and for a while it seemed like that was for the best. but who are you kidding you've always had a soft spot for the man, however broken he may be from the war, but you were hurt too

you had tried so hard to be there for him, try to be a shoulder he could cry on, but no matter the efforts he had shut you out.

but you could never stay mad at him, it wasn't his fault.

you walked out of the kitchen with two mugs in your hands and sat beside him, passing him a cup of hot chocolate with melting marshmallows

he took notice to the knitting beside you on the couch, laying there, seeming to be left half finished, he wondered if he had interrupted you while knitting.

that was something he always loved about you, the fact that you did everyday things the muggle way when it was easier to do it with a quick flick of your wand. he loved every part of you, even if he's messed everything up

the room was silent for a while, no one daring to speak as you sipped on your hot coco

"so..it's been a while, huh?" he chuckles dryly, placing his mug on the coffee table

"I've missed you" you said shortly, looking away to the candle burning slowly on the mantle

"I've missed you too.." he whispered, looking at you as you looked ahead, admiring the way you look

your eyes still had the same mischievous smile, but held a certain tiredness that couldn't have just been from the time of night he had held you up to.

"I'm sorry I've pushed you away" he started with a sigh

you looked over at him with a frown

he had nothing to be sorry for, yet here he was, on Christmas eve when he should be with his family, wanting to be with you, for the first time in months.

"You don't deserve it, you were trying to be there for me...and I've pushed you away. I want you to be there for me- I do...but I don't. I can look after myself, but I want you with me. I guess.. no one understands what I'm going through...everybody moved on and I'm so angry... I just don't want you around me when I'm like this but this isn't how it's supposed to be" he rambled, his voice wobbling as he spoke

you're trying to process what he means before he takes your hand in his, making you flinch at the coldness of his skin, as rough as his fingertips, they've never been softer, they've never been more gentle.

it reminds you of all the times you'd hold his hands during school, whether it was running from filch, sneaking out or just strolling around, joking about something or another.

"you were supposed to be with me... supposed to be mine, Fred always told me that and I was going to- I should have- and I'm sorry but... I've always felt comfort with you, love. and I just want you.. I miss you" he finished

it's been way to long since he's used that nickname on you.. almost 9 months, the night of the war before you got dragged away

"George..."

you gave his hand a squeeze before resting your head on his shoulder

"I love you... I should have said it years ago...there are so many times I could name where I should have handled things differently and I'm sick of the what ifs because one minute someone is there and the next they aren't and you don't know when the last time you can tell someone you love then. And for this case...the first.. and I'm not risking it..." he shook his hand, pulling you closer to him, his hands slightly shaking as he held you.

"it's ok, George... it's not your fault..." you wiped a tear that had falling down his cheek and kissed his head

he shook his head "no.. no it is.. you could have been here..with me.. I just didn't tell you..let you"

"I knew all you needed was time... and I gave it to you, because I love you."

George frowns as he looks down at you, a sad smile making it's way to his quivering lips

"you do?" he questioned

"I always have, George" you said softly, playing with the nails of your fingers

it's not like you haven't said it before, but it's definitely the first time you've said it with the weight on your shoulders, the meaning seeping off your tongue, coming out so sweet, tasting so good on your lips as you reflected on your relationship with the man currently having a crisis in front of you

"I'm not the same man, love" he closed his eyes, his leg twitching away from yours as he clenches his jaw

"I've known you through every phase, George, I think I can still love you now" you hum

"so I can spend Christmas with you?" he looked at you hopefully

"I guess I could use the company" you shrugged before smiling softly "I want what you want, George, if you don't want to spend it with your family, I'm not going to force you"

"you've always been too good to me...patient..." he furrows his eyebrows. trying to figure out why

why him? he's asked that question a million times this year. but this time he didn't care about any insecurity that held him back

he leaned forward and cupped your cheek, placing a soft kiss to your lips.

"you're the only company I want"

❅.⊹₊ ⋆❆‧⋆☃︎

[jokeroutsubs]

[ENG SUB] Bojan Cvjetićanin and Nace Jordan on 'Na sceni', Val 202 (19.11.2024)

Bojan and Nace discuss the process of making the new album, 'Souvenir Pop', the songs 'Mesto duhov', 'Muzika za decu', 'Stephanie', 'Ako toga više neće biti' and 'Lips', and the therapeutic note Nace brings to the band.

The original audio, including the songs which are cut out here for copyright reasons, can be found here.

Transcript and translation by a member of JokerOutSubs, review by IG 10_anja, proofread by IG GBoleyn123, subtitles by @vesdagrem and a member of JokerOutSubs.

Full video with transcript below the cut 👇

Host: Good evening, welcome to Val 202. You're listening to Radio Slovenia, the second programme. The 'Na sceni' ('On the Scene') broadcast has just begun and today's guests are from the band Joker Out. Good evening.

Bojan: Good evening.

Nace: Good evening.

Nace Jordan and Bojan Cvjetićanin have come to our studio. They've taken precious minutes out of their probably too-full schedule. Bojan, what's that been like for the past year and a half?

Bojan: The schedule is nicely full, but an interview like this one today, these are nice notes on the calendar, so...

Thank you.

Bojan: Thank you for hosting us.

Nace, how have things changed after the second album, 'Demoni', has anything changed at all?

Nace: That'd be hard for me to comment on, since I only joined the band with the second album.

Bojan: Well, has anything changed for you?

Nace: A lot of things have changed for me. I became a member of a band. I finally have a band with my peers, kind of, and we've created a new album. We suddenly saw a big part of Europe, by playing concerts in... how many countries did we visit, I don't even know. Well, in most of Europe. And... I hope we'll go somewhere outside of Europe as soon as possible, too.

And that would be only right. You're one of the few Slovenian ensembles, performers, who have even managed a feat like that.

Bojan: I mean, we managed to do something really nice. Basically in one night, I'd say, from that... if we think of it as the final night of Eurovision flowing into our new band era. We really went from a band that performed practically exclusively in Slovenia to a band that, in the past year and a half, performed, I would say, exclusively outside of Slovenia. So we definitely had a 180-degree turn happen to us, but I'd say that we really took the proper steps on this path too, even though it happend, I'd say... well, very quickly, but we didn't get ahead of ourselves. So I'd say that, as a band, we're still held together by nice foundations and roots.

The album is called 'Souvenir Pop', so it'll forever be written down somewhere as a kind of memory, right?

Bojan: That's right!

A pop one, even though a few songs are quite, let's say, well, significantly harder.

Bojan: Yes...

How come, it's a live experience, right?

Bojan: Yeah, you know what it is? We're children of a generation of parents who always said that you should bring a magnet home when you go somewhere. It was always like that for me. You absolutely had to bring a magnet from a trip. And these songs are actually, with all the memories and all the emotions they pull, they're magnets that we've all brought together and collected in a bag and they will forever remain very tangible souvenirs for us, I'm sure.

First up was 'Mesto duhov'. Bojan?

Bojan: Yes, 'Mesto duhov' is actually, I'd say, the first absolutely pessimistic song I've ever written. I have to say that I'm pretty sad and unhappy every time I wake up from the slumber of everyday life and realise that there is constant injustice and inequality and basically impossible living conditions around us. And... I also started to feel that in the general climate for the first time. I feel that people have a different aura around them, that we're all on some kind of high alert. There's a lot more of a negative whiff in the air. Young people are pretty pessimistic. That's how I perceived the current climate, not only at home, but basically wherever we went. So I think that 'Mesto duhov' was a very clear reflection of how I felt when I first walked through the streets of Ljubljana when I came home after a longer period of time, which never happened to me before, I was never away for that long.

Nace, the next one is called 'Muzika za decu'.

Nace: Yes.

How did you fall into... I won't say the Joker Out machine, but into this creative process of yours, or, how are songs generated?

Nace: This song actually has a very interesting origin. That is, if I remember correctly, in the six weeks that we spend in the studio in Hamburg, we were kind of waiting for Bojan to write and bring another song which we would then put our instruments over, and in one moment, Bojan said: "We're not doing it that way anymore. We'll do a song here tomorrow and that song will be a hit, will be the best." And I have to say he wasn't wrong because we grabbed our instruments and... That was definitely one of the highlights of those six weeks in Hamburg. I think that was when we lived like a band the most, or felt a kind of mutual energy the most, we took the instruments and played that together. And I think Bojan had an idea in the back of his mind.

Bojan: No, I had... I had something on the piano. Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa.

Nace: That idea.

Bojan: But it was called 'Zlatna kosica' ('Golden Hair') initially, I have no idea what it was, something like "how I'm drawn by your golden hair", which just, I didn't feel like constantly drilling the piano, so Kris did it on the guitar...

Nace: That's right.

Bojan: Then it was very clear where the song was going, even with that busted guitar. But it had an attitude, and just bam, 'Muzika za decu'.

Nace: I think it has, the whole song captured exactly that energy.

Bojan: I came up with the lyrics while singing. The idea was that because I was recording on, I don't know, an SM58 or something, which is a microphone that you generally use for live singing, not recording. And I was in the place with them while all the instruments were rattling, and the plan was just that... Okay, the lyrics work, even if I came up with them more or less on the spot, but I'd record the vocals again in Ljubljana. I came to Ljubljana, I recorded with a proper studio microphone, it was a catastrophe and then poor Žare had to clean all those vocal channels of all the noise surrounding it. So this song is truly, the way we did it at our place there, that's how it came out, from start to finish.

Great, so Joker Out, the album is 'Souvenir Pop', the third album in a row, this will be 'Muzika za decu'.

You're listening to 'Na sceni'. Our guests on Val 202 are members of Joker Out, they are Nace Jordan and Bojan Cvjetićanin. The album is a bit of a mix of languages, right? On purpose. Three Slovenian ones, four Serbian ones and a few English ones.

Bojan: True.

Did someone from your headquarters recommend that you do that?

Bojan: The soul. The soul recommended it. The songs are written in the language in which they came up when I started writing them. With the exception of 'Mesto duhov', which was initially a song called 'Wembury Mews', which was our street in London that we lived on. But I then ended up writing it in Slovenian because I had a story that resonated with something I wanted to tell, and I think it also coincided very well with the music. But no, like... We travelled a whole lot, I thought and spoke in those three languages a lot and that just came out of me in the way of songwriting. I think that it was a very clear, at least clear to me, reflection of parts of me that come out completely differently when I think about them in a different language.

Anyway, the team is now that you've joined as the last one, Nace, still the same, right? Who are the other three matadors?

Nace: The other three are Peteh Jan, guitarist, Kris Guštin, guitarist, and Jure Maček, drummer.

And if you spend six weeks together in the studio and live somewhere together, like some kind of football team, do you ever argue?

Nace: Of course we do, it's normal to have a moment when you disagree with someone. But I think that now we've spent so much time together, we know each other well enough to spot which one of us might be in a not-great mood in that moment and give him some space or sometimes agree with him for the sake of mutually good energy.

Bojan: But I was thinking that we've actually never argued in the sense of fighting. There have absolutely always been many disagreements as far as creating and logistics and all that stuff go. But there was never a moment of something blowing up. Genuinely. I don't remember that happening. So that's very good. But that's the consequence of us constantly clearing things up, and... We don't allow anything to inflate that balloon and for everything to end up exploding, but... Nace, for example, is the most important, let's say, member of this relationship. Especially because he brought this "filtering" dynamic into the band, because he's actually the only person who always calls all of us the moment he feels that there's a bad mood in the air. You always get a call from Nace: "Is everything okay? Today I sensed that things were a little off, what happened? If you want to talk, you can hit me up." So I'd say that Nace also brought a very healthy therapeutic aspect to this band.

Commendable, of course. You need that too, you'd probably have a hard time without it. Up next is 'Stephanie', so an English one.

Bojan: 'Stephanie' is actually an interesting song. I wrote just the line "Her name is Stephanie, she lives about a thousand miles away from me" about three years ago, but it didn't actually have any kind of story, except the melody and this line that sounded nice to me. But by now, things have already happened in my life that actually gave it its story so the song wrote itself very naturally after that. It kind of has a slightly different sound. Because we didn't really know what to do with the song, Žare Pak and I kind of patched it together with his famous Reason programme for creating percussion. And then Nace played around with programming for an hour or twelve.

Nace: The song is interesting because most of us don't play our primary instrument in this song.

Bojan: That's true.

Bojan: Jan...

Rotation.

Bojan & Nace: Yes.

Bojan: Jan and I are on the bass.

Nace: Kris and I are on the guitars.

Bojan: Yes. I played the keyboards.

Nace: I also played the keyboards. I mean, like, it's something completely different.

Yeah, that must contribute to the vibe.

Nace: Yes.

Bojan: Yeah, I mean, making this album was quite the sandbox. Sometimes you had to fight for the toy rake you liked the most.

So, 'Stephanie' and Joker Out. Tonight's guests in 'Na sceni' are Bojan Cvjetićanin and Nace Jordan, Joker Out, of course. 'Souvenir Pop' is the third album, Jernej Vene is with you. There are two concerts in Cvetličarna coming up, both sold out. You're not going to a bigger place on purpose, right? Because you like proximity. What does the audience give to you?

Bojan: We're not going to a bigger place, or a different place, on purpose because we presented the first album twice, in a twice sold-out Cvetličarna. That was absolutely, if not the most beautiful, then one of the most beautiful moments of our lives. This year, when we've been away from home so much and played in clubs so much, we saw what a good effect that club energy truly has on us. How much of a reciprocal "give and take" moment it is, meaning, you give your all and the audience gives it all back to you and the same thing happens for them. So we said that we wanted to play at home, somewhere we also feel at home. That is definitely home to us.

There's actually a bit of a problem now since you have three albums. How do you pick the songs for the concert?

Nace: I mean, we just started that this week, when Bojan wasn't here, putting it together a bit already, what should be played, and it's actually a real problem because there are a lot of songs that are "the juicy ones", as we call them. Those are the songs we have to play or that we like to play or that...

Bojan: For a 'Greatest Hits' album.

Nace: Yes. The juicy ones. And alongside the new album, which we'll play in its entirety at the upcoming concerts, there are too many of these songs to fit into a two-hour concert so we'll definitely...

Bojan: Oh, we have such horrible problems.

Nace: No, no, no. I mean, it's a problem because some fans want to hear one song, others another, so we'll probably change the playlist a bit between the concerts so that we can play at least something for everyone.

Moving on. 'Ako toga više neće biti'.

Bojan: I don't know, it's probably my favourite song from this album. One of my favourites in general, as well. I think we feel it. It was a bit weird initially. I remember that when I showed the boys a rough idea, they weren't really sure what, basically... What the poet wanted to say¹.

¹It is a phrase commonly used in Serbo-Croatian speaking area, meaning that it is hard to understand what the author of the original piece of art wanted to say, the meaning isn’t transparent or clear right away. This phrase also has another word used sometimes, it’s pisac instead of pesnik; in that case it translates as ‘What the writer wanted to say’. Pisac is a writer, but the meaning of the phrase is the same.

I'd say that this is where we sound the most like a band. Well, maybe here and in 'Muzika za decu'. But purely from the sound aspect and from a kind of vibe aspect, this recording makes me feel the most like I'm listening to a band that's playing in the same space. Because most of it actually was played together, as well. I like it. It's organic, it's very close to my heart.

So, 'Ako toga više neće biti' and Joker Out.

Joker Out in 'Na sceni'. The album 'Souvenir Pop’ is their third one. Bojan and Nace are here. After Ljubljana, you're on the road again soon, or what?

Bojan: That's right.

Nace: True, true. We're going around the Balkans for a bit, that is, I think we're starting in Novi Sad², continuing in Belgrade, Skopje, Zagreb, then we're returning to Maribor and finishing in Vienna.

²The concert in Novi Sad was later rescheduled due to a tragic event that happened in the city when a canopy at the railway station collapsed, killing several people.

That's still for this year.

Bojan: That's for this year, yes.

We continue with another Slovenian one, titled 'Sonce'.

Bojan: Yes, 'Sonce' is a song that came about as basically my direct response to what's currently happening in Palestine. I actually kind of had a story in my head of a son who's saying goodbye to his mother from the afterlife and is basically addressing his mum with those words. So I'd say it's a pretty atypical song for us, seeing as there's no repeat chorus, or that it doesn't have the kind of classic song structure. And I absolutely have to say that Jan did an incredible arrangement, and wrote his own piano part and recorded it as well, which really added even more dots to the 'i' for the song. So I'm glad that it's basically... what I wanted to say with my voice, Jan completely encompassed with the piano as well, so... It's a heavy song to listen to, at least for us, I'd say, but still beautiful. It fits onto this album.

Joker Out on 'Na sceni'.

Bojan and Nace are still tonight's guests. We won't ask about plans because they happen on their own, right. Are there any days that aren't planned?

Bojan: Absolutely.

Nace: Definitely.

To clear your heads, right?

Bojan: Yes, yes, yes. I mean, in general I think that Nace and I in particular are not really the type of people to... When...  Yeah.

Nace: To set up schedules for ourselves.

Bojan: Yes, we're not the type of people to have a schedule, especially for free days. And, I don't know, for me, even with days that are planned, I often happen to wander off somewhere. And it's by accident, but... I don't know.

Nace: I mean, everything is definitely organised so that we at least have mornings free. So, if we do want to seize the day, we just wake up a little earlier.

Bojan: Yeah, right. Stop it.

Nace: Well, look, it happens, stuff happens. You go to sleep too early...

Bojan: Yeah, okay.

N: ... and you seize the day.

Bojan: That's right.

Nace: Early.

For the end of the broadcast another English one, 'Lips'.

Bojan: 'Lips' is truly a song that had many forms. It started out as 'Je t'aime'. A Franz Ferdinand-esque rock song with French and English. It ended up as... what kind of genre would that be, if any?

Nace: I'd call it cinematic rock

Bojan: Cinematic... wow. There you go, a cinematic rock song. It's also, I'd say, a departure from our traditional sound. This is in large part thanks to Nace on my right, because he arranged practically the whole song as well as put it into its sound form. He really put in the effort here and spent a whole lot of time on it, so we really have to say "Thank you!" to Nace here. Or, if you don't like the song, tell him to get lost, but...

Nace: I'm the one at fault, yes.

Bojan: Yeah, I mean, I like it, I think I had a very determined vision of how I wanted the vocals to work in this song. Whereas what would happen around it was kind of a mistery to me. So Nace, with his cinematic rock, hit the nail on the head with me too.

Nace: But as a fun fact, well... this song was happening in the studio, we were in a bit of a hurry, honestly.

Bojan: At the end, yes.

Nace: We were in a bit of a hurry at the end, and one evening, I was like: "It can't be like that." I got...

Bojan: Yes, Žare and I made the basic beat and stuff, but it was very bland. And then Nace, in five hours or so, put something together and sent back something that, if we put it as a trailer for, I don't know, James Bond or something, it'd be awesome.

Nace: As a fun fact, I did all that while lying in bed.

Bojan: Well, there you go.

Nace: On my laptop.

Bojan: Such hard work, that you can do it in bed on your laptop.

Fun. Gentlemen, thank you for visiting us.

Bojan: Thank you for the invite.

Nace: Gladly.

And good luck on all the roads ahead of you in the next year and beyond.

Bojan: Thank you.

Right, to finish off, 'Lips'. The album is 'Souvenir Pop', Joker Out is the band, you know all that. Nace Jordan and Bojan Cvjetićanin were with you. Jernej Vene, signing off. Until next time, to plenty of good music. Goodbye.

Bojan: Goodbye.

Nace: Goodbye.

[yuri-is-online]

Aceyuu brainrot has me like: I was watching Game Grumps play the Karaoke Horror game and ended up thinking of this scenario where Ace, Yuu and friends go Karaoke on the island somewhere and as the guys are belting out to Twisted Wonderlands version of Mr Brightside, Yuu is scrolling through the song listing getting more and more dejected because they don't know ANY of these songs and are gonna make a twat of themselves infront of everyone who do know these songs and they miss the songs from their world and and and-! And Ace notices Yuu's deflating mood and takes the mic for himself, chooses a song and looks like he's prepared to sing to everyone, only to obnoxiously go right into the mic and say "can I get a price check on two bannanas? A price check on two bananas please". Some people in the booth are groaning, why can't he take this seriously? Others are laughing while Yuu is creasing up with laughter. The fear and tension of performing gone as their turn comes up and they look at Ace with a twinkle in both their eyes as Yuu says "Hi, I'm Jared, 14 and I never learned how to read" suddenly Aceyuu are menaces with the mics and Yuu's having a blast just messing around and making everyone laugh with Ace. They didn't even realise he started this for them.

Or something 💦💦

No because that's exactly the way it would happen.

Ace is almost always the first person to make fun of Yuu (actually it's most Grim he makes fun of but Yuu yuusually ends up catching strays) for not understanding or knowing Twisted Wonderland things so he would never SAY "hey can't you see Yuu's feeling left out?" That'd be lame. No he just cracks a joke because he's the Ace of Hearts, that's what he does. Everyone already thinks he's kind of a dick and annoying. Your laughter is worth their groans though. There's that smile he loves, and when you join in that makes it 100% better. He loves himself a partner in crime! Especially when it's his favorite one.

There are just so many things Ace does for Yuu that he plays off as nothing he's just so (╥﹏╥) He's so good at picking up on when they're sad or uncomfortable and immediately goes to fix it! He's got green flags! They're under 1000000 layers of sarcasm but HE HAS GOT THEM GREEN FLAGS DO YOU HEAR ME!

[punkpandapatrixk]

🌓Sweet Girl Venus ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

This world contains in it a great number of elements that push most everyone to toughen up and abandon all senses of calm, grace and loveliness on the path towards growing up. In this world, so many people believe that the only way towards great achievements is by becoming tough. Whilst it is true that strength of character is crucial for survival, I don’t think toughness has to translate into being actually hard on oneself or everyone else.

Psychology says, ‘When someone is exceedingly critical of the smallest, most trivial things, that means they crave Love most of all.’

Here is a love letter from the Venusian Goddess harmonic of your Higher Self to yourself💌More than you may realise at this moment, you really are still a sweet and kind baby of gentle melodies and fragrant bouquet💐If you’d eventually realise this of yourself wholeheartedly, oh, that would be…

♥︎

SONG: teddy bear by Hamasaki Ayumi

MOVIE: Uptown Girls (2003)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Bubblegum Blue Baby

VIBE: Hatsukoi Shoujo (Singer’s First Love) by Sheena Ringo & Noir by SUNMI

what’s really sweet about you – King of Wands Rx

You’re the type of person who, in spite of your passion and determination, aren’t cruel. You possess a strong character and try to uphold justice everywhere you go. You’re really a courageous fellow with a heart of gold. Baby-blue gold. I see that you’re often the type of friend who cheers other people up; you always have an idea in your mind to make someone else feels better about their darker days. When somebody is lacking courage or confidence in themselves, you’re the one who says, ‘I believe in you, tho! It’s clear to ME you can do it!’

And because you always seem so energetic, confident and capable, people easily believe your words. I think people haven’t told you enough how grateful they are that you’re always cheering them on like that. It’s not that they’re not grateful; it’s that they don’t know how to convey their gratitude properly. You know, sometimes words fail us. Especially when you’re the type of magickal butterfly that attracts naturally a lot of people who are not so confident in themselves. Such people, sometimes they simply don’t know how to utter words of gratitude because not many people in their lives have shown them enough appreciation. You could be, probably, like the ONLY person in their world who shows them appreciation like that!

You’re really so kind and charitable, more than you’ll ever hear from the mouths of other people♥︎

honouring your softness – King of Cups

And I guess, for the most part, such people really see that you’re an authoritative figure in your own respect. Because you appear to them so large and magnanimous, people don’t even suspect that you also have your down days. Certain days, you’re also in the mood for getting praises just like everybody else! But because you don’t get that as much as you’d like, sometimes you get sad. I think you struggle with a little self-loathing (or a sense of being a phoney) every now and then, feeling like you’re not good enough whilst everybody else seems to move ever forward, supported by your encouraging words.

Sometimes you feel envious of others for what they have. They seem to have everything going on a lot easier than you. But baby, stop! This is all your wild assumption. The truth is, people really be trying their best to put up a strong face, to put their best foot forward and come and tell you good news about them, because they want to get praises from you😅Yeah, some things in Life really be tricky like that. As convoluted it gets, this is actually their way of thanking you. You encouraged them before, you gave them so much courage, inspiration and motivation; now they’re doing better and they want to let you know it’s thanks to you! They want you to feel proud of both themselves and the magnanimous ways you’ve cared for them🥲

Well, now that you know… Pretty baby, stop being so sad!🐬

a happily ever after – 7 of Cups

You’re the type of person who, most of the time, has your head in the clouds. This makes you feel ungrounded often. I think you sometimes feel overwhelmed by reality itself. There’s a lot of things you don’t understand and you often feel lost about the meaning of existence and your place in the world. Fret not—you’re hardly a failure. You’re magick, baby💙Magickal beings often find living in the Human world incredibly taxing, so you can be patient with yourself—it’s a group thing LMAO

If anything, it is exactly because you’re a magical being like this that you can be sure you’re going to get everything you want out of Life. As long as you don’t allow yourself to stop dreaming in exchange for being practical! You see, the world really isn’t as linear as you think. So, be confident in who you are and your own personal favourite methods of manifesting. There’s quite nothing in this world you can’t have. You just need to learn to focus on one or two things at a time so you get each thing you want faster⚡️Isn’t so wonderful to be so magickal?

Know that you could be so much happier. You could be so much more spiritually content because your heart really is good. In spite of some things you may believe about your flaws, your Higher Self really doesn’t view you that way. In this world that is a world of chaos where 98% of people are hurting and hurting each other, it’s expected, so it’s not such a big deal. You really are such a kind Soul and your sweetness, your charitable bubbliness, just needs your acknowledgement so you can give yourself more tender care🌸

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻💙

quantum glow-up! – Silver Physician (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Magick

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Soft Enterprising Boss

VIBE: Cookie by NewJeans & YEPPI YEPPI by aespa

what’s really sweet about you – Ace of Pentacles

You are a powerhouse of creativity. You’re incredibly smart and resourceful. You’re like an idea bank but you couple that with real, tangible efforts that always produce real results. You have an amazing capability for laser focus and your work ethic is almost inimitable. With that, you’re truly a dependable friend who has a lot to offer those around you. People turn to you for advice, and you always have something valuable to offer. But yeah… that doesn’t mean your input is always appreciated. But that’s not your fault, right?

You need to admit that a lot of people are hopelessly confused. Sometimes, people simply want a friend to confide in and hear their whining. I know you’re almost always there to lend an ear even though it kinda irritates you that people seem so lost, so incapable of helping themselves. You genuinely want to help, but like already mentioned, sometimes all someone needs is a company that listens compassionately. I think you’re good as long as you’re there to be a pillar for someone in need.

So really, you needn’t concern yourself with how that someone will resolve their issues if they, indeed, do not seem that interested in resolving their own issues🤪It’s not like you’re getting paid for caring so much about other people’s personal drama!

honouring your softness – 2 of Pentacles

More than you give yourself credit for, you’re actually a really reasonable person. You’re grounded in reality and able to weigh options more realistically than most people you know. You’re always thinking of pros and cons in your head. That’s wonderfully responsible, of course, but sometimes you could get stuck in a rut when you simply can’t decide. Still, I think you’re such a wonderfully capable person who’s willing to go the distance when your mind’s finally set for a prize.

You’re ambitious and tenacious; no matter the challenge, you’re up for whatever. If it requires lessons, training, complex practices, extensive readings, you can do it all. But hey, stop to breathe a little, will you? The world doesn’t end tomorrow so you needn’t hurry so much, alright? It benefits no one to be so hard on yourself whatever the rewards may be at the end. What’s really exciting about this whole thing is how much you’re enjoying yourself as you gain knowledge and skills. So, I hope you remember this at all times.

As long as you’re having fun, Life’s good, you know. You can’t possibly think that Life’s only gonna get good when you’re at the end of your journey, right?

a happily ever after – 8 of Wands

You are a visionary—admit it. You have amazing ideas and your visions could possibly even change the world. You could become someone profoundly inspirational because there’s a teacher-like quality in you. If you feel that you’re not that good at communicating your ideas, it’s definitely a skill you can polish. You really have got it in you to become an effective speaker, even on a public platform, because your mind is usually quite methodical. Practice is all you need.

Even if you identify as someone shy, or timid, actually you will be so much happier in Life if you could be in the public eye for when you do so, you get to be charitable with your skills and knowledge. When you’re older in Life, you will have gained so much expertise in various disciplines, and if you’re not gonna share with others, how else are you gonna ever feel blessed?

You are a shooting star sent from Mars—or Venus—to teach Humanity a transcendent way of living. I hope you never forget how precious you are just for the fact you’ve reincarnated on Earth in this passage of time😜

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻🧡

quantum glow-up! – Green Magus (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Fertility

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – New-World Inventor

VIBE: Super Shy by NewJeans & Spicy by aespa

what’s really sweet about you – 4 of Cups

Gosh, you are such a loyal one that sometimes it comes to your detriment. You’re the type of person who could go the extra mile to accompany someone who doesn’t even deserve your compassion. You’re willing to sacrifice a lot to make another person feels less alone even when you’re not getting the same in return. I think you have a noble heart and that’s something clearly valuable. But… I hope you know when to stop giving your support to those who are clearly losers, hopeless cases. There’s only so much you could give to another when your own Cups aren’t getting filled in return.

‘People treat you the way they view you. Be blind if you want.’

I know you don’t want to disappoint because you know how depressing it is to get disappointed. You know first hand all the painful sensations that come with having your trust broken. But the way I see it, you shouldn’t turn your past disappointments into a goody two shoes tendency to please everybody. Are you certain this isn’t just a weird overcompensation that could destroy you in the end? You may wanna check out this concept of a Good Girl Syndrome. Understanding the symptoms could just help you unravel the patterns🧵🪡✂️

honouring your softness – Queen of Pentacles

You are an Old Soul, and it doesn’t matter how young or old you are right now, you have this innate desire to be of service to others. On a profound Soul level, you have this magnanimous energy that makes you want to care and nourish those you come into contact with. You are really a kind person, incredibly generous, to a fault LMAO After all, this Human world is littered with shameless takers who do not set a limit for themselves. You don’t wanna be stupid enough to get drained all the time by ingrates, right?

So, it’s time to stop giving too much of yourself and start affirming that you, too, deserve the company of people who will nourish you as much as you them. If you don’t start reaffirming this daily, it may never manifest, which would be such a shame because you’re so deserving to be blessed with warmth and sweet emotions🥧

a happily ever after – Page of Swords Rx

At the present moment, you may be thinking you’re simply afraid of conflicts and arguments. Heck, you don’t even like feeling other people’s negative emotions. If you were to stand up for yourself, you’re sure everybody would give you a nasty look, or even spew very unkind words to make you feel bad. So you know this and you try to avoid that as much as possible. But that’s got to stop now because when you really think about it, all the chaos and conflicts are WITHIN you. Is that even worth it? Do you think you deserve to live like this?

‘You’re keeping the peace around you, but what about the peace in you?’

I’d like to remind you, you’re really such a smart person. You’re so knowledgeable and actually, if you’re honest, have great desires to be of service to the world. You’re a high-value somebody, so you’re allowed to muster the courage to affirm that you CAN take up space and still maintain your boundaries. Alright? One day you’re going to really change the world. But right now, you need to change your world first.

Don’t be afraid of being seen as a bitch, especially when you know you’re not a bad person🍒Sweet girls can still be SPICY🌶

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻💗

quantum glow-up! – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Innocence

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

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[captn-trex]

how to feel again

Fives x F!Reader

word count: 3.1k

part two to gone, but not forgotten

description: since meeting fives and showing him to your secret space on coruscant, he had come to 79s almost every day to spend time with you. when he doesn't come in for weeks, you realise how much of a hole his absence leaves in your life.

warnings: fluff!!! small amount of sad fives, I think that's pretty much it, perhaps friends to lovers

a/n: part 2 !! go read the first part or it wont make that much sense. also flirty fives is so fun to write omg p.s. I saw a @/katekenobi edit to this song on tiktok and it's lowkey what inspired this sad fives vibe I suppose, anyway I love it so you must listen too

Life had always felt as if it were passing you by, that you were just watching the days go by, doing the same things, day in, day out. Recently, however, everything seemed to have slowed down, and you knew the reason why. Ever since you had met Fives, things had felt different.

Perhaps it was that you weren’t used to getting so much attention from one person, and the regular appearance in your life had captivated your attention so naturally. You were reluctant to get close with anyone new, but you just couldn’t help it. Especially when he would turn up at the bar almost everyday and charm you so effortlessly by simply being himself.

That was how it was until a couple weeks ago at least.

You suspected that Fives and the rest of the 501st had been sent on another campaign, which you couldn’t blame him for, you just wished that you could have known before his absence left a sizeable hole in your simple existence. You hadn’t quite realised what an impact his presence had made on you until it was gone.

Talking with Fives was easy. Usually, he would just sit at the end of the bar and nurse a short glass of liquor, and you would have light conversation as you served drinks to other patrons. Then as people dwindled, he would remain, and you would get to talk properly. He told you lots of stories about his brothers, and you asked a lot about Echo. You loved to see the way his eyes would light up as he told you about him, the joy he got from remembering the good times he spent with him. You told him a lot about yourself, your everyday life, your family, your friends, and the conversation flowed naturally towards deeper topics, with you finding yourself telling him things you hadn’t fully realised yourself. He would ask all the right questions, and challenge your beliefs about yourself and the galaxy in such a simple way; by asking why you thought that way.

It occurred to you that no one had ever cared to understand the way you thought before, and that's what endeared you to him the most.

He had become a great friend in a short time, and now you missed him. You were cautious to assume any ulterior motives in his constant presence, as he was forever turning down the many advances from men and women alike. He was so insistent about it that you were convinced he must have a partner, though you assumed that if that was the case, they probably didn't live on coruscant, as he spent his evenings in your company instead.

You didn't think too far into it, you were just glad to have his company. Though you couldn't help the jealous pang that hit your chest when you saw the latest person flirt with him. He entertained them until they took it too far, and watching it unfold right next to you made your jaw grind.

Tonight was very busy. Your hands were completely full, both metaphorically and literally, every customer seemingly wanting the most difficult drinks to make. You could barely hear people to take their orders over the noise. Though still, the ruckus caused by the 501st was unmatched.

You caught the flash of blue in the low light and your heart skipped a beat, your throat going dry. You tried to look to see if it was Torrent Company, but your focus was quickly drawn by another demanding customer. You focused your attention on them, trying to forget how you had such a visceral reaction to the possibility of Fives being back.

It was a while before you saw him, but the crowd around the bar cleared as if just to make sure you could get a perfect view of the show. Your eyes caught him immediately, his charming smile and highly recognisable tattoo and facial hair standing out among his brothers. He was looking up at a sky blue Twi'lek, who was leaning her arm onto the back of his seat, her face close to his.

Your teeth ground together as you watched him talk to her, your hand tightening around the bottle you were holding. You crossed you arms as he looked her up and down subtly, his gaze settling on her face as he said something to her with a smirk. She seemed somewhat deterred by whatever he had said, and it was then that he cast a glance at you. He caught the deep frown settling over your features, and his smirk widened. You felt yourself go bright red, turning away and pretending to clean glasses to busy yourself.

Not even one minute later, Fives was at the bar.

“Something the matter Cyar'ika?” He spoke, and your heart stuttered at the sound of his voice.

“Hey Fives” You said simply, a smile adorning your features as you turned, as if he hadn't just caught you staring.

“You were giving me quite the sour look just now” He smirked, “Any particular reason why?”

You just shrugged. It seemed that neither of you wanted to acknowledge how much time had passed since you had seen each other last.

“Come on, you can tell me” He said in an almost mocking voice, though there was an undeniable fondness to it.

“Can't a woman have her secrets?” You asked teasingly, resting your hands on the edge of the bar.

“Hm, I suppose so” He replied, and sat in his usual seat towards the end of the bar.

You instinctively sorted his usual drink and placed it in front of him, and he thanked you, handing you some credits.

“That's too much” You handed back his change but he reached out and closed your hand with his.

“Keep it” He smiled, and you couldn't help the way your heart fluttered at the feel of his hand around yours and the kindness in his eyes.

“Thanks” You returned his smile and pocketed the credits, “Shouldn't you be sat with your brothers?” You asked.

“Maybe… But I prefer your company” He said simply, a small grin making its way onto his face.

You chuckled, “Aren't you a flattering one”

“Only for you” He smiled disarmingly.

You raised a brow at him, an amused twinkle in your eye, “You 501st boys doing another little game tonight or what?”

“I don't play games”

“Huh, funny. I remember you telling me how incredible you are at Sabacc”

Fives rolled his eyes, “That's not what I meant”

You gave him a little smirk before moving away to serve the onslaught of customers that were seeking your attention.

The hours were passing exceeding slowly tonight, your time filled by drunken slurring and impatient patrons. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but with Fives back in town and sat watching your every movement, it was more frustrating than usual. It was hours later when you got the chance to talk to him again.

“So…” You began, leaning on the bar in front of him, “Where have you been?”. You tried to sound inquisitive rather than accusatory.

“Just away on a campaign” He replied, then cleared his throat, “Uh, I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you, we left with pretty short notice”

“I kinda figured as much” You shrugged with a smile, “It's fine anyway, you don't owe it to me to-”

You were interrupted by a customer shouting at you, and rolled your eyes as you went to serve them. You took their order and gave them their drink quickly, making your way back over to Fives.

“Where were we?” You asked, an exasperated sigh escaping you.

Fives gave you a sympathetic smile, “I was just about to ask how you've been”

“Oh, fine” You replied.

“Just fine? Come on, I want to know what's been going on in your life” He leaned forwards with a grin.

“Well, I'm not su-”

You gritted your teeth together as someone else called for you, and you moved away to serve them.

You didn't get another chance to speak with Fives for the rest of the evening, though you always let your eyes wander over to him in between taking orders and making drinks. You noticed that he became increasingly more dejected and out of it each time you looked at him, but before you could ask what was wrong, he had disappeared from the bar altogether.

You looked around the bar, and couldn't see him anywhere, and when it came time for closing you still couldn't see him. You had a small inkling of where he could be, at least, you hoped that he would be there.

When you approached the empty apartment, the door was already slid open. You peeked your head through to make sure it wasn't someone else, but as you hoped, it was Fives that had left it so. He was laying down on the balcony, staring up at the stars and traffic lanes above. You took a few steps inside, but as you got closer to him you could see the tear stains on his cheeks.

You felt awful for intruding on such a private moment, and immediately began backing away, but you could have no such luck as to make it out without a sound. You knocked your knee on one of the side tables that adorned the room and let a curse slip from your lips.

Fives’ head whipped around, leaning on his elbow for support, but his posture relaxed when he saw it was you.

“Sorry” You whispered, a blush creeping up your neck at getting caught.

“Don't be” He smiled, “Join me?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to-”

“Please, I'd like you to” He spoke with a small hint of desperation, and you couldn't resist it even if you tried.

You walked over slowly and sat down next to him, stretching out your limbs to lay down. For a moment, you two just watched the sky, the speeders passing overhead and the stars that littered the sky. You had never thought to lay down before, but it brought a whole new perspective to the space.

“You never got to tell me about what you've been up to” Fives said, turning to face you. You looked at him, and though you weren't very close together, your stomach still flipped.

“It's okay. It's not very interesting anyway” You chuckled sadly.

“I'm interested” He insisted, and you looked back to the sky when your cheeks started heating up again.

“The last few weeks were very uneventful. I fixed up my speeder and that was pretty much it” You said with a heavy sigh, “Nothing ever really goes on in my life to be honest, like I've said before. The job at the bar is all I really have”

“I'm sure you could have some stuff going on, like friends? boyfriends? stuff like that?” He suggested, and you let out a small laugh.

“I have friends yeah, but they work during the day so I don't get to see them very often”

“Why don't you work somewhere else then?” He asked.

You sighed again, “I wish it were that easy”

A silence enveloped you both again, watching the sky that felt like it was only for your eyes, a special show for the two of you who were wrapped up in your own little world.

“What are you doing here tonight?” Fives asked softly.

“To be honest? I was kinda hoping to see you here”

He turns to look at you, his eyebrows raised, “You were?”

“Mhm”

Fives waited for you to say something, anything else, but when you stayed quiet he decided to ask, “Why?”

“I don't know really, I suppose I’ve missed you” You admitted, refusing to look at him.

“I missed you too” He replied after a short moment, “And I meant what I said earlier”

You finally looked to him, “Meant what?”

“I enjoy your company”

Fives just looked at you with an indescribably emotion, something you couldn’t define. You admired his features, the features you were so used to seeing, but they somehow seemed new when looking at him.

“I enjoy your company too Fives”

He smiled tightly and then looked up, feeling the urge to share what was on his mind, “Echo hated Coruscant”

“I don't blame him” You agreed, “What about you?”

“What about me?” He looked back to you with a questioning frown.

“Do you like it here?”

He sighed, “I don't know. I don't really know how to feel about anything anymore”

You hummed in understanding of what he meant, you recall feeling similar when your own brother died. In fact, it still felt like that sometimes.

He then continued, “But some parts are okay, some… people”

You didn't catch his emphasis, “I don't know, I haven't met many inspiring people here”

“I sure have” He said definitively.

“Really?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Only one maybe” He shrugged, “But I think she's inspiring enough for the whole planet”

You tensed up at his words, facing the sky once again with your thoughts swirling with jealousy. You swallowed hard and tried to keep your breathing steady. It was annoying that Fives being with someone else affected you so much, there was no real good reason that you should feel that way.

“What makes her so inspiring?” You asked, trying to keep the indignation out of your voice.

“She… makes me feel like I'm not alone”

“That's good, I'm glad you have someone like that” You nodded, your jaw tightening with each word. You meant it, but your jealousy was almost giving you a headache.

Fives just watched you amusedly for a moment, and then shifted closer to you slightly, leaning in to speak lowly to you, “You do realise I'm talking about you, right?”

You turned to look at him and he was a lot closer than you had imagined, so close that your nose lightly grazed his as you turned. Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his rich brown eyes, “You… You think I'm inspiring?”

“Mhm” He hummed, and gently rubbed his nose against yours, purposefully this time.

You were frozen, “Why?”

He inspected the various tones he could see in your eyes now that he was so close, as if it was where he was finding his answer, “You remind me that there's good in the galaxy, something worth… fighting for. I-”

He took a moment to find the words, looking up at the sky, and you allowed yourself to breathe.

“I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was away. Even in the middle of the fight, I couldn't get you out of my head, that… people like you are the reason we have to fight, the reason that I have to fight” He moved his gaze back, rolling onto his side so his body faced you, “Without Echo, I felt lost - I still do, but… You, you give me strength in a different way, the strength to carry on”

You were absolutely stunned into silence. You had never had such an observation made about you before, and you found it almost crazy that someone thought of you as what was ‘good’ in this large galaxy. You weren’t sure what to say, completely at a loss for words.

“Thank you” You breathed out unsurely, the only thing coming to your mind.

“Anytime” Fives smirked a little, a small chuckle sounding in the back of his throat. He didn't leave the close proximity he had put himself into, and instead brought a hand up to your cheek to gently brush his knuckles over your cheek. You could feel your heart pounding in your ears at this point.

“Cyar'ika… Can I kiss you?”

Your heart stuttered, but you let a small smile spread over your lips. “Only if you tell me what that word means” You whispered.

Fives grinned, taking your cheek in his hand. “It means darling” He tilted his head, his eyes falling to your lips as his almost brushed against them. He dragged his thumb along your bottom lip, his eyes then finding yours again, swimming with adoration. “My darling” He whispered, just before he finally locked his lips with yours.

He kissed you deeply, simply taking his time to devour your lips as if the whole galaxy would wait on it. His hand slid to the back of your neck and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. Your hand found the top of his chest plate, and you pulled him into you further, wanting to be impossibly close to him in this intimate moment. Everything in your body felt as if it had been set alight. Every nerve was electrified and buzzing with passion at the feel of his lips tangled with yours.

Fives pulled back after a while, pressing his forehead into yours his eyes opening to look deeply into yours. You bit your lip and your cheeks flushed a darker shade, feeling nervous under his intense gaze all of a sudden. He chuckled slightly at your reaction, running his thumb along your lip to stop you.

His demeanour then became more serious, “Cyar’ika… I know I can't offer you much, only as much as the war allows me to, and it seems cruel to even ask but… I want you to be mine”

You smiled broadly, a glint of mischief in your eye, “I’d be honoured, you are the most sought-after clone in 79s after all”

Fives rolled his eyes, and pushed you onto your back again, his face above yours as he gently held you waist, “And yet… you’re the only one that caught my attention”

“If you say so” You smiled, nudging his nose with yours.

“I do say so” Fives spoke resolutely, placing a kiss to your jaw, and trailing a few more down your neck. “And I’m going to make sure everyone else knows too” He hummed against your skin, sending a shiver up your spine. He could feel you shudder beneath him and smirked, “That sound good to you?”

“I think I could live with it” You tried to joke, but it came out far too breathless to pretend that he wasn’t having an affect on you.

It certainly sounded appealing for the rest of the patrons of 79s to know that you were his, and that he was yours.

[patrice-bergerons]

Sooo many people's lives would be improved if they realise that the way someone interacts with something on tumblr is likely to be only one single facet of their overall experience with the said thing.

"X calamity is happening in my country but you guys are only posting about puppies! How can you be so self absorbed!" Babygirl just because I'm posting about puppies here doesn't mean I am not reading about the said catastrophe/donating/etc. also posting on tumblr is not activism

"It's so sad how most people can't interact with media outside the lens of shipping." I in fact can and do regularly do just that but this is the gay shipping website!! I come here for the shipping and you don't have a window into my head as I'm contemplating serious themes of serious books on my own / discussing it with rl friends / etc. Also people on tumblr make such a small fraction of media enjoyers generally speaking.

"I can't believe you are reducing this new and deep album from X artist Hozier to blorbos kissing." Shocking as this may be, one CAN both use song lyrics for fandom edits AND appreciate the deeper themes of an album. And people don't owe you essays on the latter just because they are doing the former.

In short stop assuming what people put on tumblr is the be all and end all of their lives and you will save yourself and others so much moral outrage <3