#just pick up the damn phone
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My mom fell deep into the alt-right pipeline, and honestly one of the strangest parts of that is that she’s now an anti-vaxxer despite having vaccinated me for literally everything as a child.
Like girl, what do you mean you fell for that shit? How did you let people convince you that vaccinating kids would kill them?? Your two children were vaccinated nearly three decades ago and have suffered no ill consequences???
Also we have people working in medicine all over the family tree? My dad’s dad, a few of my cousins, her brother, HER DAD!! Like, you don’t have to listen to MTG-type insane people on QAnon, you can ask a professional with a fucking text!!
#her dad is gone now#but girl#you’ve got like 7 other options#just pick up the damn phone#cosmic is sick
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this can be either hilarious or heartbreaking depending on how you take it. i'll admit i was giggling the whole time as i made it though, sorry baldie
#but thats bc baldie's hell of his own making amuses me#i love pep but like you could just call him. at this point.#but no. he'd rather longingly watch from far away and cry every time scaloni and leo hug.#like this isn't a figo situation where its genuinely tragic and not his fault at all. like this is a situation he#entirely created and now COULD fix but he won't. he just talks about leo every occasion he gets and Yearns#instead of picking up that damn phone#he mentions messi every single interview and says 'i need to congratulate him for his copa win!' and then when#people ask him 'so did you congratulate him then?' afterwards hes like '...no'#like ohhhh my godddddd#anyway#messi#pep guardiola#scaloni#futbol#video#hermy posts#olivia rodrigo
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My tiny little kantrio besties to keep me company in my journey! Made by the amazing @okiroash 🥹🫶
#gue baru bangun tidur ashar -> ngecheck tracking jne -> flew down the stairs and acted normal in front of my mom as i picked up shao's packa#with bed hair and sweat and all because I COULDN'T WAIT TO UNBOX IT and RAHHH they're way above my expectations!!!! just LOOK at my sillies#YEAHHHHHH they're so adorable 😭😭😭💖💖💖 proud to be 🇮🇩 because the artists are all so damn talented and shao is among them!!! 🥹🫶🥳🥂#you will catch me fiddling with the gremlins because they're now hanging from my phone lanyard... they'll be with me wherever i go hehe 🥺🤲#maaf norak but there really isn't that many pokemon fahmerch floating around indo so it really DOES make me happy when i get to purchase on#and i love shao's art and have been following them from my priv too so that's like the cherry on top for me 🥳🥂 live is worth living yallll#i loooove the designs... such cuties compressed into itty bitty sizes 🥺🤏💖 perfect to hang from wherever tbh which is a winnn! 🥳#catch me sharing selfies with them in it when i dump my august photos here hehe 🥺🫶 photobombed by kantrio... hell yeah 💖#once again THANK YOU SHAOOOO you're totally the best! 😭😭😭💗💗💗 bintang 5 isn't enough i need to give you all the stars in the galaxy ⭐️#kantrio#pokemon#kanto#rival blue#trainer red#trainer leaf#personal
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THAT ONE SCENE IN GENERATOR REX WHERE REX SEES HIS DAD’S OLD LAB AND WALKS THROUGH IT AND THE NON-DIEGETIC SOUNDS ARE MOSTLY JUST WALKING AND VERY SOFT MUSIC, MORE LIKE AMBIANCE PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND IT’S INTERSPERSED WITH HAPPY MOMENTS OF BABY REX AND HIS DAD AND A SCENE OF THE CHAOS DURING THE NANITE EVENT AND THE COFFEE CUP DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE COFFEE CUP AND THEN REX SEES A PICTURE OF HIM AND HIS DAD AND REX LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HIM AND THE ONLY DIALOGUE IS REX SAYING “Huh… dad” IT CAUSES ME STRONG FEELINGS I CANNOT PINPOINT AND I LOVE IT
#i don’t think we talk enough about rex’s dad and the show doesn’t either#rex was just. so loved#and he can’t remember it#i would say it makes me physically ill but that’s just the migraines tbh#but yeah also that coffee mug that damn coffee mug#someone made coffee to drink while they were doing science#and it got left there and nobody came back for it#it’s such a simple thing but so profoundly sad#it’s not that i like coffee i hate coffee it’s the thought that this was a normal night#someone got themselves a cup of coffee probably gearing up for an all-nighter#and whoever that was is likely dead#and rex picked up the cup and set it upright and for whatever reason that makes me foam at the mouth every time#that scene and the scene where van kleiss gets hit by a train are saved in my phone’s photo album#generator rex#generator rex spoilers#generator rex season three#rex salazar#rafael salazar
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@adihildilid yeah 💕
#early s8 is CRAZY lmao#dean using kevin as a Justifiable outlet for his anger like ‘he needed you and you couldn’t pick up the damn phone’#flinging the phone at sam’s chest while he just stands there and takes it. lol.#dean be So serious you never gave a single shit abt kevin he’s an instrument!!!!!!!#later in the season when dean’s like ‘when’s that little idiot gonna learn to stop running from us’#and sam’s like ‘well dean you did try to kill his mother.’#and dean’s like ‘she was possessed! it’s different’ (it is not different)#tangent lol but like truly they are so fucking unwell it boggles the mind#spn
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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I am actually getting so stressed and pissed off rn
#myself#can that asshole just pick up the fucking phone?!? I know damn well he hears it. or did something fucking happen?!?@?#the restaurant is closed where tf is he?!??@
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ten offering to try a relationship with the woman john smith comma human comma amnesiac time lord was seeing was crazy in many ways but also first of all girl she wouldnt like your alien bisexual workers of the world unite gender bending time travelling ass she's from 1913 and dreams of a 1913 husband and 1913 children. second of all you would put her in the tardis with your best buddy martha and she would do 1913 polite society british racism as she already has in the time you've known her and you'd abandon her on some planet out there for being a dick in 10 minutes.. what was his game plan exactly
#my man was crazy. always flirting with women to trick them into caring so he doesnt kill himself. just make friends#pick up a phone and call your buddy jack or something damn#also the thing about john smith comma human comma amnesiac is he very much sucked ass. do you want to be a guy who sucks so bad? idiot#dw#thing
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Absolutely no motivation to unpack my apartment after the past week I’ve had and I’m trying not to be so tough on myself but I’m still sleeping on my mattress on my floor and living out of my suitcase and I’m just starting to feel so disorganized and icky which I know won’t go away until I unpack
#I’ve been trying to get a few little things done here and there after work but I’ve been so fucking dead#I slept almost all day Monday when I had work off#then I had an appointment with my psychiatrist after work yesterday#which I had to do in a park on my phone since my wifi isn’t set up in my apartment yet and I have no service in there either#and I have to leave work early for another doctors appointment today#and then therapy tonight#and I really need to pick some prescriptions up that I’m completely out of but haven’t had time to before the pharmacy closes#and I desperately need to do laundry but my new apartment only takes coins for laundry and the bank is always close before I get out of work#all on top of so many other things happening in my life rn#I just feel like a damn mess#I want to lay in bed with someone to keep me company while they play with my hair and we watch happy comfort movies
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been without my phone for a week. touched grass so bad that i want to start writing original fiction again
#i abandoned bioluminescence halfway through and i want to pick it up again.#plus i also just came up with smth new that is so cringe and edgy but i might need to write it lest i start coughing up blood etc#fascinating. this has not happened in years. maybe i Am always on that damn phone.....
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I took off work today. I thought it might help my mood but I've only felt guilty. I'm feeling kind of down, not because of work, but a combination of returning there full time, the monotony of it all, my brother ill at home, I read this fic yesterday where the main character's watch got stuck as a symbolism for his life growing stagnant, and it really rubbed that old wound I'd thought I'd healed. I'm thirty one now, I didn't think I would still feel this way. And for a long time, I didn't. This year particularly had been going really well. But tragedy struck and I'm sitting here with an ache in my chest feeling pity for myself. If I could drink, today would have been a good day to.
#man#I'll probably feel better tomorrow after work sucks all my emergy away#I was watching old videos on my phone from a few years ago and I look five years younger there#the last three months have been tough#I look like I gained five years in just these few months#and that too depresses me#I didn't really care much about turning thirty because I didn't look like it#I do now#the dark circles don't help#I should go to the dermatologist also#I've been stress snacking and it shows#my skin is sensitive#one whitehead per sweet#damn#I've let myself go a bit#now that I'm returning to work full time I will use the chance to shape up#pick up sports again#and hobbies#but thinking aboit it makes me want to cry#I just want to curl into a ball and hug my cats#alas there are bills to pay and friendships to maintain#got to drag my sorry ass outside#and resume life#what other choice#do I have#this is my most depressing rant on here#this is what this account is for#screaming to the void#personal#rant
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finished the last episode of banana fish just seconds before my birthday is something else
#no like literally i just picked up my phone after staring at the blank screen for a minute or so#then my mom called#i was like?? damn it's 12 already#what a way to start an age
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this email was the first thing i saw when i woke up this morning and i haven't stopped smiling since i love scott thompson so much
#i picked up my phone to check the time around 8 a.m. and saw this notification so i was like damn i wasn't expecting to be up this early#but i'm wide awake now!!#it makes me so happy that not only does scott want to have lunch and get to know each other but he's also making it a top priority#and saying ''let me know what day is best'' like this man probably has a much busier schedule than i do#it also makes me so happy that he wants a flashdrive of ptsdiva. like that means this archiving effort isn't just for me it's for him#and if it wasn't for me he probably wouldn't have his own copy of his own podcast but i get to give that to him#also yay bruce and kevin shoutout#incredible email all around 100/10 no notes scott and i are absolutely friends now
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nearly broke down when I remembered I had these wips and couldn't find them amongst my many other wips. thought i lost them when my hard drive wiped itself cleaned :'D
#wips#LN#agata#my little sun 🥺#(sorry. long tags warning ¯\_(ToT)_/¯)#no im still not over the hard drive incident. i will never be over it orz. BUUUUT!#let this be a reminder to always backup your works. twice. thrice. on spare google accounts. on phones. on micro sd cards ect. BACK IT UP!#damn. the second one is probably over a year old. almost done. just needed a few details. but now? i really am my meanest critic.#crying. just randomly remembered going over the mexican calendar of saint's with my aunts and uncles and smiling#at the fact that my grandma just picked their names based on the patron saint that corresponded with their date of birth#which is why the ''manañitas''—the mexican happy birthday song—mostly has the lyrics ''dia de tu santo'' (day of your saint) in place of#''dia de tu cumpleaños'' (your birthday). im sure it's still in trend. especially if you dont have a name or dont want to think#of one. like ''eh. i have a kid now. but no name for it. let's take a look at the calendar'' adsjfdgkkl#i bring this up cause while agata over here DOES have a name she does NOT have a canon birthday. and agata's name appears on said calendar#falling on feb. 5. though i kinda want her birthday to be on dec. 23. just for the sole fact that#nidhogg's falls on dec. 22 (sometimes the start of the winter solstice) and louie's falls on dec. 24 (a christmas eve baby 🥺 such a gift)#i just think it'd be hilarious for them. i can imagine them using the birthday card to not do anything and then midnight strikes and blam!#*snatching birthday kid's birthday crown* ''it's my turn with the birthday card. wash my cake dishes‚ yesterday's birthday kid >:)''#(no im not normal about them. i dont think i ever will be :'D)#eh. will see how i feel about her birthday situation. at least it's not names i have to worry about ToT
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I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago
#bro the absolute sodding emotional rollercoaster i have been through this past week should be studied by scientists#thursday: unsuccessful job interview. friday: found out that the job interview was unsuccessful. but one of the interviewers (actually a#former colleague of mine lol) gave me a piece of feedback that made me feel like i’d cracked the code for all future interviews#it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding#list as many examples of stuff as you can. tell stories. bamboozle them#OH i forgot to even fucking mention we had builders at our house until friday. friday was the last day they woke me up with a cacophony#so the weekend was uneventful aside from there was a skip in the driveway and scaffolding all down the side of the house but zero men#monday: successful interview. found out it was successful 5 hours later. got off the phone having accepted the job…… and found a text from#my old boss (the boss i had at the job i really enjoyed. that old boss) inviting me to come back this summer#i had a bit of a mental breakdown but eventually decided to stick with the job i’d just got because it’s a permanent contract and they will#let me sit down#yesterday: found out that the foster doggy i applied for and really wanted is going to her forever home on thursday (which is now tomorrow)#obviously i love this for her but i was like ‘damn. okay’#today: the foster co-ordinator was like ‘hey do you want to foster this rambunctious 3 year old unneutered terrier?’#i was like ‘sure yeah what the fuck. that might as well happen’#(they are neutering him beforehand. and he looks really cute. he’s not aggressive he’s just a young terrier with like 3 brain cells)#unless something finally kills me in the meantime i’m picking him up on monday. i cancelled therapy in order to do this. yes i’m well aware#that there’s a metaphor somewhere in there but it’s fine. i rescheduled therapy#i also have realised i do not know how and when i’m going to get my ssri prescription renewed… i know the pharmacy will call me in a couple#of weeks to make sure i haven’t died. but i think i was supposed to get a prescription renewal at therapy#the therapy i won’t be going to until like 5 days after my prescription runs out. that therapy. foook#honestly withdrawal symptoms would probably just spice up the situation at this point. they’d just make things interesting#i swear to god everything always gets crazy and stupid right before my birthday… remember when i turned 26 and couldn’t drink because i#was on antibiotics for a kidney infection. and when i turned 27 and one of my wisdom teeth tried to emerge#this is like that except with dogs and jobs. at least the skip and the scaffolding are gone now#i AM trying to sell a sofa on facebook marketplace so wish me luck with that ig#personal
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Ykno, I think this is my first ITNL reread since things got... really bad for me
I've gotten to the parts I was working on during All Of That, and it's kind of distracting... 10 through 13 especially was......... rough.
I'm always gonna be remembering what my life was when I read these chapters, huh? It's just never gonna go away.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i posted chapter 11 right before my uncle's health took a turn for the worst#so i remember being in the hospital room & rereading it#then i posted chapter 12 before visiting him in the little home setup he had#so i remember researching the effects of electrocution while sitting in the room with him & planning out chapter 13#(which ended up being chapters 13 and 14. since it ended up Long.)#and chapter 13. i finished that chapter literally the day before i last saw him.#so i was reading and replying to comments while sitting by his side.#i was so preoccupied with poking on my phone i hadnt registered how much more subdued he was than the week before#barely talking. it was mostly an extended house visit. & i did what i always do and faded to the background.#i said goodbye to him. and the next day he was dead.#and im just... always going to remember these things. im always going to remember where i was when writing these.#chapter 14 took so damn long because i was so... depressed. oscillating wildly between manic and depressed#no real writing motivation...#and now here i am. fixing up a bunch of little mistakes throughout the whole fic. and taking a while because of it.#working on picking myself off the floor. regaining my motivation for the fic. fixing the things i didnt do so well on#because of the Everything that my life was...#15 and on will hopefully be a new period of my life. something hopeful. something engaging.#i want to stop being so... desolate. im really trying.#so. enthusiasm! yay! im working on it.#in the meantime im gonna be walking down memory lane. and so it goes.#negative/#death ment/#yyyeah#side effect of putting so much heart into my writing. it's inevitably going to leave markers of where i was at every point.#this can be a good thing and a bad thing. for This... it's... maybe not bad exactly. but difficult.#oh well. im just going to try my best...
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