#I do now

[mychlapci]

can you talk a little more about megatron pussy teeth propaganda

or a lot more

i'm very interested

there is simply no way Megatron doesn't have teeth in his pussy. You can take different angles with this. Trauma reasons? Could be. Pride and ego? Also a possibility. Refuses to take inferior spike? Favourite option for sure. Only the greatest studs can breed his valve, those who prove inferior get their spike shredded asunder.

[gnael]

playing in a base game save this is AMAZING ??

[majorproblems77]

So, because I have way too much time on my hands.

@trippygalaxy I blame you for this

Introducing a new segment - Skyward Sword Link ranks the beds of Skyloft

(Yes I found and slept in everyone I could - no I don't regret it man got a month's worth of sleep)

Starting with the academy beds (Not including his)

Fledge

8/10 - cute vibes, like the plants.

Crawlin

3/10 - Lower bunks are overrated

Groose

0/10 - Crawlin is a bitch and wouldn't let me sleep

Karane

7/10 - Bed kinda short, rooms got cute vibes tho

Zelda

10/10 - But Link misses his girlfriend

Instructor horwell

100/10 - Got Mia cuddles 10/10 would sleep again

Instructor Owlan

7/10 - Love a good book, but this is ridiculous

Now for the rest of Skyloft

Orielle and Parrow

7/10 - Good vibes but just different flavours of the same bed

Peatrice's house

4/10 - Bamboo aint the most comfy and the heart bed is just odd

Piper's house

2/10 - house is too cramped not comfy vibes for sleeping

Kukiel's House

9/10 - Massive bed best for starfishing good rest

Beedle's airship

1/10 - Bad for the back, awful for the rest, never again

Pipit's house

2/10 - SO... MUCH.... DUST

Rupin's house

4/10 - Identical beds, but the curtains are nice I guess?

Bertie's house

5/10 - Average bed, kiddo was loud tho...

Gondo' house

6/10 - Same bed different flavours, but with nice colours :D

Sparrot's house

7/10 - Good vibes again, here for the pretty lights above the bed

Fave napping bench

100000/10 - Best spot to nap on the island, great view

Hope you enjoyed looking through this totally pointless post :D

I spent way to long on this hahaha

[cacaocheri]

i love it when my posts reach the self-shipping community. now thats what im talking about

[the-dragon-hearted]

"M'Lord! M'Lord... I bring word from the mines!"

"The mines? Very well old friend, what did you find? And why are you... underdressed?"

"That's the issue, m'lord... I ventured forth into the mines but foolishly forgot to switch my glider for my chestplate. I was slain by a pack of undead. I awoke in the bed I hath placed next to yours -"

"Next to mine!?"

"Besides the point. I lost a fair amount of diamonds and all my belongings."

"Very well - we shall revisit the bed issue at a later date. Do you require assistance in regaining that which you lost in the dark and terrible mines?"

"Indeed m'lord, but... there is more."

"More?"

"I ventured forth with my replacement armor, you see. I ventured back into the mines slaying all manner of arachnids, undead, and whatever else lingers in those dark corners. I found my old grave and all my loot... when I saw it..."

"What did you see?"

"One of the undead, m'lord. It's taken my armor."

"Your armor!?"

"Yes. And it slew me again."

"Your armor forged from the finest diamond and then lined with the metals plucked from hell!?"

"The deepest pit of hell itself, m'lord."

"The armor you've covered with thorns and laid with protective runes!?"

"The very same."

"How armored is it?"

"From its feet to the tip of its rotten head. All I owned it now flaunts."

"Well... I can see the problem. Fear not. I shall bring my smiting axe and we will vanquish this foul creature -"

"There is more, m'lord."

"What do you mean more?"

"The undead... they've picked up my weapon."

"... Your tools."

"My weapons."

"Your weapon. Singular."

"No, my lord. There was a horde of them, and of that ferocious group, four survived and three now carry the fruit of my labor."

"The armored one included?"

"Indeed."

"What manner of tool did the armored one pluck from your corpse?"

"..."

"Old friend, what did you arm our foe with."

"M'Lord, I fear that of all the tools to pick, he allotted the axe and shovel to his allies. He holds my sacred blade."

"Your blade."

"Indeed."

"Your fire aspect, sharpness five, hell-blessed blade, dark as the night and fierce as the heavens?"

"The very same. It has knockback as well."

"Why does it have -"

"Besides the point, m'lord."

"Well... You've made us quite the foe, old friend. Do not despair; take these iron parcels, string up your bow, we must take this foe from afar. Your thorny enchantments will not kill me faster than my arrows will kill it."

"There is... there is one more thing, m'lord."

"What?"

"The zombie, m'lord..."

"What is it?"

"It was a child."

"... Dear god."

"I fear God was able to flee faster than I could."

[mythweaverarts]

I don't think y'all understand how much I love epic the musical I would both kill and die for Telemachus at this point

[vickysaurus-art]

I’m very bored on a long car ride, so I ended up writing a short ‘What if you could kiss Razor?’ fic. It’s set right after you come back from her skewering you after you give her The Look. Content warnings for graphic descriptions of injury because Razor.

Kiss the Razor

Narrator: “You’re on a- wait, why are you with the princess already?”

Hero: “Well, THAT didn’t work.”

Cheated: “Yeah, whose stupid idea was it to waste The Look on the monster that wants to kill us anyway?”

Smitten: “Ahh, calm down dear fellow… what blossoming romance doesn't hurt at least a little bit? What matters is she likes us. She even said as much!"

Hero: “Oh, a new one of us.”

Cheated: “Great, this one sounds like a useless idiot.”

Princess: “Oh, hi! You came right back here! Great! Then I don’t need to wait to skewer you again!”

Smitten: “Ah, right back into the arms of our love!”

Hero: “I’m afraid that’s the blades of our… love?”

Smitten: “Now leave this to me, fellows. This will require a careful, loving touch.”

Cheated: “No way, that kind of bullshit got us killed last time!”

Smitten: “No-one ever said to love another was easy, or without struggle. But I tell you, with another try we can reach out to our star-crossed lover and walk out of here unskewered and hand in loving… blade.”

Hero: “I don’t know if-“

Cheated: “So she can slice our hands to bits too? Hard pass.”

Narrator: “Now hold on, no-one is walking out of anywhere hand in anything! You’re here to-“

Cheated: “Slay her? More like be slayed!”

Smitten: “Now if you’ll just let me work my plan…”

Narrator: “I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I know you should NOT listen to that voice.”

Princess: “Aww come on, do something already! Well, ready or not, here I come!”

Narrator: “The princess advances on you, blade raised. Whatever you’re going to do, now’s the time!”

Smitten: “Just follow my lead…”

(·“Please, my beautiful angel of blades, you truly are a skewerer without equal, but can’t you and I find something else at least as fun to do together?”)

Narrator: “A deep blush spreads across the princess’s cheeks as she advances upon you, giggling coyly. She does not, however, lower her blade, as she lunges at you-“

Smitten: “We smoothly dodge her blade, catching her lithe body in our strong arms, and dip her like the bladely dance this truly is.”

Cheated: “Oh, that’s not a bad move, we got her now.”

Narrator: “Indeed you do. She looks up at you wide-eyed and blushing as you harmlessly sidestep and catch her. Now would be the perfect opportunity to slay-“

Smitten: “Ignore his heartless blather. There is a much greater opportunity here. Kiss her! Kiss her now! This is the perfect moment!”

Hero: “Can we actually do that?”

Narrator: “What? No! No, I’m not having it! No way! I veto it.”

Cheated: “Hmmm I’m willing to give it a try… And He definitely doesn’t get a veto over anything.”

(·Kiss the Princess)

Narrator: “(frustrated sigh) Fine! Fine. You kiss the cruel, world-ending monstrosity. Happy now?”

Smitten: “Come on! You can do better than that! Give us a proper description!”

Cheated: “Yeah! I wanna know what it’s like!”

Narrator: “No way. I have my dignity.”

Hero: “Don’t you have a job to do properly too? Don’t you have professional dignity too?”

Narrator: “Oh, fine. You stare into the princess’s eyes, and she stares into yours, as you hold her underneath you. She is probably about to skewer you when you press your lips against hers. A small gasp escapes her and she almost goes limp in your hands before she reciprocates eagerly. Despite the slightly metallic taste of her lips, your mutual feeling of joy is truly unbounded as you hold this vicious monster tightly and kiss her.”

Smitten: “Ah-ha, what did I tell you, fellows? She just needs a loving touch and she’s like putty in our hands!”

Hero: “Amazing! I can’t believe it worked after all!”

Cheated: “Yeah, guess he’s not as stupid as I thought! What happens next?”

Narrator: “Well. You kiss for a while, a soft giggle escaping the princess’s lips as they press against yours. The happy moment seems to last forever. And then… um. Oh dear.”

Hero: “What? What is it?”

Narrator: “Um. Well. She starts opening her mouth into the kiss.”

Cheated: “Woah, this is getting real good!”

Smitten: “Ahh, she truly is a creature of passion. Well then, let me continue to take the wheel, fellows, I can assure you I know what to do…”

Narrator: “Um. Yes. She opens her mouth into the kiss and - oh I see.”

Hero: “What does she do?”

Narrator: “You feel a sudden, sharp pain erupt from your beak to your chin as her metal teeth bite down on the entire lower half of your face.”

Cheated: “What?! That’s such bullshit!”

Smitten: “Now hold on, darling…”

Narrator: “You try to pull back, to let her go, but your ‘darling’’s blade arms have caught around your back, cutting into it as she holds herself up. But the pain of the blades slicing into your back is nothing compared to the razor-sharp teeth digging into your face, drawing copious amounts of blood. And with muffled laughter, she bites down. Hard. Bones shatter and sinews sever as her jaws agonisingly dig down through your entire face, her teeth eventually meeting somewhere in what used to be your mouth.”

Smitten: “Now hold on, this isn’t quite what I was going for…”

Cheated: “Total. Bullshit.”

Narrator: “But she does not care what you were ‘going for’. She rips what remains of your face off as she finally pulls back from the grisly kiss. You try to scream, but your throat is filling up with the blood oozing from the ruin of your mouth. The princess laughs a laugh muffled by gore as she stands up, spitting your face onto the ground.”

Cheated: “Hey! That’s ours!”

Narrator: “The princess’s face is streaming with your blood, but not nearly as much as yours is.”

Princess: “You’re right, that was so much more fun than just skewering you immediately! These romantic murders really are something special! I can’t wait to see what you think of next time, hihi!”

Hero: “There’s gotta be something we can still do…”

Narrator: “Not really. You’re standing there with half a face, drowning in the blood pouring from the other half. The pain alone is truly overwhelming. Mercifully, she skewers you.”

Smitten: “Hmm okay, I admit this wasn’t ideal, but hear me out, fellows, perhaps if next time we-“

Cheated and Hero: “NO!”

[arcandoria]

... ngl Calligos could get it 😔

[tatonslice]

any ai fans out there

actually any puyotet fans out there at all. hi i love this dog

[theriu]

Coming up with new, clever jokes for my mythical how-to guides is challenging. It can be a giant pain when the inspiration just won’t flow. And I know I may seem like a master of wordfae, but the good ones usually take much more than a minotaur two. Plus if I don’t deliver it right, the joke can dragon and on.

Still, I don’t wish to sound selkie! Plenty of problems dwarf this one, and I look back on most of my past guides faundly. Thanks for everyone’s kind notes and comments, they’re fairy much appreciated! I’ll let you know when I manage to leprechauncoct a new one.

[sadiecoocoo]

The fact that as soon as they pulled out their blasters Ventress just yoinked them and threw them out of reach was too funny… like guys, I know you’ve been through a lot, but please get your shit together 😭

[skyloftian-nutcase]

It was a dull, rainy morning as Ganondorf ate the breakfast the servants provided. He didn’t mind Hyrule’s food all that much, but they could certainly stand to add some more spices to it. One thing was for certain – when he took over Hyrule, he would ensure the food improved.

Sighing, he sipped at his milk when he heard what sounded like stomping the next room over. Still half asleep, he stared blearily at the doorway for a moment before slowly rising and peeking through. Hemisi was in the other room, making strange movements that could pass for dancing. She stomped her feet in rhythm while moving her arms in a coordinated fashion, jabbing one way into the earth and then the other, all while whispering a count to keep tempo. When she did a small turn, her hands moving upward, she jumped nearly to the ceiling when she saw her father.

Ganondorf stared at her dully. “What are you doing?”

“I-I—” she stammered before gaining her confidence back. “I’m practicing a dance Orik taught me. It’s a traditional Sheikah dance and I wanted to do it with him.”

“You have better ways to be spending your time,” Ganondorf noted, somewhat annoyed. “Such as eating breakfast.”

Hemisi rolled her eyes. “Father, quit being like that. I can do my duties and have fun with my boyfriend.”

“You should be thankful I let you have a boyfriend,” Ganondorf grumbled, heading back towards the table. Hemisi’s snort of disapproval was not missed, but he chose to ignore it.

He was afforded a few minutes of peace, eating at his food and steadily coming to life (the rainy weather certainly did not help) when he heard his daughter yelp and a gasp and thud. More alert, he rose sharply and quickly made his way into the room.

Hemisi was on the ground. On top of Orik. Who was giggling. The pair stared at each other, Orik’s arms wrapped around Hemisi while she started to chuckle in response despite the flush to her cheeks. The Sheikah boy’s red eyes traced beyond her, seeming to sense someone else, and they widened three times their size when they caught sight of Ganondorf.

Especially since he was fuming.

Orik scrambled out from under Hemisi, who immediately started to rise and move to his defense, “Father, it was an accident—”

Orik bolted out the door, and Ganondorf was on his heels. Hemisi tore down the hallway behind them. Due to the boy’s small steps, he couldn’t outrun the Gerudo king for long, though it looked like he was ready to resort to magic to escape him. Ganondorf grabbed him by the upper arms, squeezing him and raising him off the ground, leaving the teenager’s feet dangling helplessly.

“Father,” Hemisi hissed, grabbing Ganondorf by the arm. “Stop it. I was practicing the dance and lost my balance. Orik caught me and made sure I didn’t hit my head on the furniture. Will you stop being so dumb?!”

Orik, for his part, looked suitably terrified and apologetic. He also didn’t make a sound to defend himself.

Ganondorf sighed heavily, dropping the teenager. “I don’t recall inviting you to our quarters.”

“Forgive me, my lord,” Orik muttered, eyes boring into the floor.

Hemisi scoffed, shoving past her father and holding Orik around the wrist. “You don’t need his invitation. You can come by whenever. We’re dating.”

“He does need it, actually,” Ganondorf said with some gravity to his tone. This was not something he was going to debate. He admired his daughter’s passion and confidence, but he was not letting this boy run around freely in his area without his permission. The boy, despite his clear affection for Hemisi, was still loyal to the royal family. Ganondorf wasn’t foolish enough to leave any kind of incriminating evidence here, but he wasn’t taking chances.

Hemisi recognized the cadence of his words, the gravity to them. She looked ready to debate the matter anyway, but Orik interrupted her. “As the husband to the chief of the Gerudo, it is his call to do so, Hemisi. Forgive me, my lord.”

Hemisi bit her lip, irritated. Ganondorf let out a breath, less agitated. Orik shifted uneasily, trying to appease both parties. At least the boy understood protocol.

A small part of Ganondorf really did hope the two married. At least one of his children would be obedient, then. Merovar was certainly better than Hemisi, but the boy’s aspirations and desire for power sometimes made him foolish... and defiant.

He didn’t want to lose face in front of his daughter, so he dismissed her. Growing steadily more furious, Hemisi glared at him before marching back to the Gerudo quarters, leaving the two men alone.

“Hemisi was practicing some dance of yours,” Ganondorf commented, watching the boy. “I trust you can do it more gracefully than her.”

Orik glanced up at him, bewildered before coughing to cover a laugh.

Ganondorf found some cheer from the boy’s amusement, adding, “If she can learn your dances then you better be certain you’ll learn ours.”

“I recall the one from my visit,” Orik replied. “Though, that was the only one I learned.”

“We have plenty,” Ganondorf said, waving a hand. “Perhaps Hemisi can teach you one this evening. If you’re available for dinner and staying after.”

Orik’s eyes brightened as he watched him with hope and happiness. The boy nodded, bowing, and Ganondorf walked away.

Honestly, these teenagers.

[collection-bundle]

I am kissing every single one of guys that tag my pics as “art”

[quinloki]

Me to Pix: what’s the name of that song?

Pix: Blinding Light.

Me and my lousy memory: I’ll do my best to remember that.

Pix: by The Weekend

Me: … I’m not commiting to a deadline.

Pix:

[thursdayinspace]

♒️ (I have opinions and I want to know if others share them 🙃🙃) thank you!

♒ cooking/food headcanon

ohhh. that's a difficult one. i actually think that mulder makes the far superior pancakes. he's really perfected them.

they can both cook even though they don't do it often with the hours they're working and how often they're away from home, but when they are home, they will start inviting each other over after a while because cooking for one is not really fun, you always end up with too much, or have to buy bigger quantities of stuff than you need because for some reason most things come only in "enough for the whole neighborhood" sizes. so they start having dinner together at one of their places semi-regularly.

they're not brilliant cooks, neither one of them. but they can feed themselves. and at some point instead of just inviting each other over and cooking for each other, they start doing it together. it's a bit of a mess at first, but after "detour" they start referring to it as a "team building exercise" and make each other laugh. a coin toss or 'rock paper scissors' decides who has to cut the onions because they both hate doing that.

in the morning, once mornings become a thing they do together, scully is in charge of the coffee, but mulder is in charge of breakfast foods. his pancakes really are far superior and also scully likes to sit on the counter with a cup of coffee and watch him make breakfast in nothing but his underwear.

ask me about headcanons!

[avatar-of-the-vast]

Nothing feels bad like a lifelong crocheter learning to knit than not being able to just fucking frog shit