#she was taking care of herself and at 11 i called her selfish and a bad sister

[edgyandoverzealous]

My biggest PJO red flag is I used to be a Bianca Di Angelo hater when I was first reading the series. Key word used to because I understand now, I don't hate her and I had to do something similar so new perspectives are at play vs when I was 11.

As the eldest who also had a forced parental bond to my siblings I couldn't understand why she'd leave her sibling behind and alone. It was her responsibility to take care of him and I didn't see anything wrong with that because that was my role too. I couldn't comprehend the idea of putting yourself first and then that older siblings deserved to do so. That after a lifetimes worth of selflessness it's okay to be a little selfish.

I didn't understand what would be so bad about her situation, providing for her sibling all on her own, because I grew up with a different extreme where me just taking care of everyone would've been ideal. Better than the abuse we faced so I didn't understand how she could leave him like that.

I remember putting down my book momentarily with a scoff thinking "I would never abandon my siblings like that."

I understand now, she didn't want to "abandon" him. She just wanted an out and that sometimes you have to take the opportunity to get out, whether it's ideally or not. You shouldn't be expected to be a martyr or a parent when you're just a kid too. That just because you put yourself first for once doesn't mean you don't love them anymore, it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad sibling.

Bianca joined the hunt because it was her way out. Her chance at freedom at happiness for herself for once. Not that she was never happy with Nico but as a protector/provider that young there's always a form of anxiety hanging around it (in my case the drop and fight coming) in hers if they'll still be safe and make it through the next day. She knew Nico would be okay because she'd seen how the campers treated him, that he was with family. She still loved him, hell, her death was caused by her trying to get him a present because she knew he'd want it. But she needed to do something for herself for once to make sure she was okay too. I get it now, I don't hate her.

[notanactressyayy]

—𝐰𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞—

pairing. ex! Natasha Romanoff x fem! reader

summary. in a day you simply wanted peace, two unexpected visitors showed up. for one of them, you were glad.

warnings. smut! I am NOT responsible for your content consumption! — making out, thigh riding, strap on usage, cursing, angst (w happy ending), soft dom Nat.

notes. my first language is portuguese, so I apologize for any grammar errors. feel free to give me advice, though!

divider credits: @cafekitsune ★

Natasha Romanoff was known as a cold, ruthless woman, who never cared for anyone besides herself. Most of the people didn't know this was due her past — the Red Room was always in complete secrecy, so they feared her. She was already used to it. Whenever she started something with someone, in the next day, she had an empty bed as a gift. To be completely honest, she always felt used. Men and women touched her, to leave her in the morning.

That changed when she met you.

You could say you'd changed her completely, for the best, of course. She became more open with you, learned to express herself better and was not known as the most selfish Avenger in the team anymore.

But just like people say, not everything is a bed of roses.

Instead of using that achievement to improve your relationship, she began to care a little too much about her team of superheroes. At some point, she was no longer paying attention to you.

Reports this, reports that. Missions and more missions. "I have to go somewhere with Cap." "I have to train with Tony to a mission." "I can't, I'll have to go with Clint."

When you confronted her about this, begging for her to understand and willing to help her change, she decided that it was a better option to part ways. You were devasted, and she saw it. That made her heart ache — someone actually lov— liked her enough to want to stay.

This was the one and only reason Natasha didn't forget about you. The only reason she thought about you everyday. The only reason she teared up whenever entering her car and seeing the polaroid with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on her rearview mirror, that she didn't dare to take down.

Today, you were leaving work, heavy tired steps echoing on the pavement's wooden floor as the moonlight illuminated the room. The building was already empty, the streets, darker than your thoughts.

As you started walking to the nearest bus stop, you heard quick footsteps behind you — it was already late and usually there was no people on the streets like this. You turned your head, "you gotta be kidding me".

"Hey, Y/n!" Peter exclaimed, running to catch up with you. "I didn't know you were going to be here at 11:30pm."

You rolled your eyes and took a sharp inhale, but like always, tried to be polite. This so called coworker of yours was always looking at you, following you everywhere, and asking you things, not always work-related. You always made it clear that you weren't interested in men, and he insisted on saying he could 'change your mind'.

"Hey, Peter." you replied, faking a smile and nodding. "You need me to review your documents again?"

"Oh, no. I was just wondering if you wanna go on a date with me. Did you see the restaurant that just opened over there? I could treat you to—"

"No, I don't." you cut him off, more harshly than you intended to. "Look, Peter, I'm sorry. But I don't want anything to do with you, alright? So if you want, go ahead and find somebody else."

You shook your head, not even waiting for his reply and picking up the pace again, quickly rushing to the bus stop. That's when the guy showed you a side that you just suspected, but preferred to believe he didn't have

"C'mon, Y/n." he grabbed your arm, nails digging into your skin. "You won't broke my heart, will you? You're such a gentle, beautiful, kind woman. You will give me a chance."

You cleared your throat, feeling him get closer, and thinking about a certain Red Head — how she would gently, delicately graze your skin with her fingers, so softly whispering into your ear and bringing you to her embrace—

"Back off."

"Oh, no." he laughed. Such a creep. "I won't back off. And if you don't cooperate, I'll make you give me a chance."

Your hands trembled now, silently praying to whoever was seeing this just call the cops or do something. You didn't know the guy anyway. He didn't talk to anyone at work beside you, and you never got to know him, you would never. That's when it would be a good use to have a spy girlfriend. Just the last thing you expected to happen was to hear the sound of a gun cocking behind you, and a very familiar female voice.

"She said back off."

Relief unconsciously washed upon you as your arm was released, only because of the gun, though. You knew that if if wasn't for her, who knows what could've happened there. Peter left, annoyed, but the Russian swore to herself that she'd make his life a living hell.

"... Natasha?" you whisper, turning around with a confused and even scared frown.

"Yes," she worriedly rubbed your arm, shooting you, slowly making the feeling of the disgusting hand fade away. "Are you okay?"

"I am..." you nodded subtly, leaning into her touch. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I saw a woman being harassed. What was I supposed to do? Mind my business?" she said, obviously avoiding your question.

"You know this is not what I mean." you frowned, carefully letting go of her caress and wrapping your arms around yourself.

Natasha sighed, trying to think of a way to explain herself. 'Oh, I'm here because I miss you so much I can't even sleep anymore.'? No, it wouldn't do.

"I... followed you."

"Oh, great, so I'm being stalked twice today." you hissed, making Natasha look down with your harshness.

"No, Y/n.. I'm here for.. personal reasons. I saw you leaving work, and I noticed that guy following you. I decided to follow too, until he grabbed you and I knew I had to intervine." she explained quietly.

The fact she had said 'personal reasons' deeply hurt you, but you couldn't do anything, you had broken up after all. You nodded, and prepared yourself to walk tp the bus stop again.

"Wait," Natasha quickly stopped you, her eyebrows furrowed. "I won't let you go home like this."

This was something about the old Natasha you knew, the protective one. It was okay, you were tired, and a ride would be no harm. "Where's your getaway car?"

She smiled softly at your joke, and tilted her head. "Around the corner."

You two walked silently towards the vehicle, as she unlocked the doors with the keys and you entered the passenger seat. You threw your bag on the backseat before you could focus on the environment around you, and see the polaroid of you and Nat with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on the rearview mirror.

Natasha noticed your gaze as soon as she entered the driver seat, clearing her throat and starting the car's engine. "Couldn't bring myself to take those down."

You stayed silent, but your eyes could tell everything. I'm glad. Oh, I'm so glad.

Natasha remembered your address as if you hadn't broken up nine months ago, and when you reached your place, you too much disappointed for your own good.

"Thank you for the lift," you whispered, turning your body to be able to grab your bag from the backseat — in the exact same moment Natasha turned to unbuckle her seatbelt — your fronts touching, which made you two a little startled.

The problem was that you didn't pull away, neither of you. You slowly turned your head to meet Natasha's gaze, your face so close to hers you could feel her breath. Familiar. It was pure instinct, almost muscle memory, of the times she always kissed you goodbye when dropping you somewhere.

You didn't even notice your hand going up to hold the back of her neck, much less when she placed her hand on your thigh, and leaned in so your noses brushed. Natasha closed her eyes for a brief moment, almost savouring your closeness, your aura enveloping her once more. Then your lips barely, barely grazed, breath hitching, as she couldn't take it anymore.

The redhead pressed her lips against yours, giving them a long peck. It was surprising how much time you lasted without air. You didn't break the kiss, just darted the tip of your tongue out to lick her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She gave in, trying to pull you closer but being stopped by the goddamn control panel. As soon as you felt her tongue touching yours you realized that this was going too far. You pulled back harshly, leaving you two panting for air and a disappointed Nat.

"Do you..." you shakily breathed. "... wanna come in?"

"Mhm." Natasha hummed, turning off the engine. "Can I?"

You didn't answer, just opened the door and slipped out the car. As you entered, you could practically feel Natasha's eyes burning the place. How you didn't take down any picture of yours. How her stuff was spreading across the pavement. It gave her a sense of... hope? Of course, since she was in the same situation.

"So.. are you seeing anyone?" you asked her while kicking off your heels and leaving them by the door.

"I think you know the answer for that." the redhead practically hissed, making your head snap towards her.

"But I want you to say it." you retreated. "I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me you didn't forget me. I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me the reason of why you came to my town again and followed me when I left work. I want you to tell me the reason of why you kissed me just like we always did before."

"I didn't! I didn't forget you, Y/n!" Natasha snapped, looking away and tucking the loosen strands of hair of her braids behind her ears. "I didn't forget you and I never did. Alright? Happy now?"

"Is that so?" you laughed humorlessly, crossing your arms. "I thought you cared more about your superheroes buddies. Where are they now!?"

"I left them." Natasha replied, looking at you again with a mixture of anger and pain. "I left them and came back, to you, Y/n."

You froze at her words, swallowing your saliva. "... okay?"

"I came back here, because I wanted to at least a chance to explain myself. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that I hurt you, and that you think that I did it on purpose. So please, just give me a chance."

"...go on."

Natasha sighed in relief, exhaling the air she was holding. "I'm sure you know my story. You were the first one to know everything about it, about me. And I'm also sure you know you're the first one to ever love me. No one else ever loved me like you did."

You leaned against the kitchen counter, listening carefully to her words, ready to give her time and patience, like you usually did.

"... I didn't know what I was doing, Y/n. Every other relationship I had, ended in less than a week. Love is a weapon and it's letal for me, for people like me. I was, I am startled by all of this, by this fuzzy warm feeling that you always gave me, that you still do, in my thoughts.. the Avengers were my first family, and when I panicked, I tried to hang on to them. In order not to hurt you, and myself." she didn't even realize the tear rolling down her cheek, and shook her head. "That's it. I'm sorry for everything, but Y/n, you will always have a piece— you'll always have my whole heart in your hands. I'll get off your hair n—"

You couldn't. Not anymore. You rushed towards her and grabbed her face, cutting her off with a deep kiss. She was taking aback, but her hands traveled to your waist, pulling you flush against her, your fronts pressing. Nothing changed. Natasha pushed you backwards against your room's door, her tongue entering your mouth and dancing with yours. You could feel yourself getting lost in her, damn it, once more. It was like she had this spell on you — you were trapped, and didn't complain.

"Y/n," the russian uttered, hands slipping inside your shirt and giving your waist a squeeze. "I've got to have you again, at least for one last time. Please, just this once—"

Tired of her rambling, you smirked and grabbed her by the jacket, pulling her into a kiss again and dragging her into the room, slamming the door shut. Natasha took this as a 'yes', and her hands, under you shirt, went to unclasp your bra, making it fall to the ground and a groan of relief escape your throat. Before she could remove the rest of the fabric of your body, you stopped her, pushing her down to the bed.

"I always wanted to do that," you started to slowly, so slow that it almost tortured her take off your clothes, stripteasing for her.

"Shit, Y/n." she quickly started to get rid off her jacket, snd everything else she was wearing. You were careful not to trip on the pile of clothes on the floor, and walked over to her again, straddling her leg on the edge of the bed.

Natasha's hand grabbed your hips roughly, keeping you in place and it didn't take two seconds before you started to grind on her. "Nat," you breathed, arms going to circle her neck.

"Who else touched you like this while I was away?" she growled in your ear, pressing your body against hers. "Answer me,"

"No one," you whined, giving her a subtle shake of your head. "No one, Natty. J-just myself,"

"My poor girl," Nat began to roam her hands up your sides, her lips pressing kisses on your jawline, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help,"

"You're here now..!" you gasped, your movements faster, as she began to move her thigh to stimulate you more.

"And I don't plan on going away," Natasha murmured, tilting your head to look at her in the eyes. Even in your high, you could make sense of her words, and the weight they beared.

"Nat!" you moaned, closing your eyes shut. "I need... please.. I—I need you, inside me."

Natasha almost lost her mind with that, grabbing your hips and pinning you down to the bed. She reached her arm out for the drawer that she hoped your strap still was, and luckily, she was right. "I'm gonna fuck you like never before, Y/n." she attached the silicone cock to her hips with urgency, holding your hips in place as she ran the tip of it across your folds, making you whine in need.

"Don't tease me," you gently gripped her arms on your hips and looked at her with dreamy eyes. She couldn't resist — but your walls were so tight she had to put a little effort to enter you.

"Holy fuck, baby." she moved her hand to brush your hair behind your ear, giving you a little time to get used to the length. "So fucking tight for me,"

"I—" you breathed, interrupted when Nat started to slowly move in and out you, her red hair falling into your face. You moaned, putting her hair up in a makeshift ponytail and with your free hand, holding her neck. "God, I missed you,"

Natasha pounded faster in you with those words, your moans only getting louder by the second. She grabbed one of your legs and placed it over her shoulder, allowing her to hit your g-spot repeatedly. You thumb went to your mouth, wetting it and starting to rub her clit — she couldn't say she expected that, her soft moans saying everything.

"Cum with me," you breathlessly requested, eyes fluttering close. Natasha didn't have to be asked twice. Her hips slammed into yours, the wet sounds of her thrusting echoing the room. "Natty!"

You back arched, head thrown backwards as your orgasm hit you. Natasha's legs shook, her weight falling onto you and your arms immediately wrapping around her, keeping her close.

"Don't make me go away,"

"I could never."

[shitswiftiessay]

I do not buy for one second that taylor HAS to fly private jets everywhere because it’s “unsafe” for her at an airport. post-9/11 airports are some of the most security-monitored places on the goddamn planet. it’s not like she’d be walking into a fucking mosh pit. and she’d have her massive security entourage with her. she’s far safer at an airport than she is at those fucking football games. she’s taking all these non-essential trips back and forth to see her dumb boyfriend, to be at beyoncé’s movie premiere in london for 30 seconds, etc.

all these other celebrities can fly commercial first class but taylor can’t? the fucking royal family goes flying in commercial jets. ntm a lot of those indents of taylor being “crowded” in public are probably due to taylor calling the paparazzi on herself (if it’s from backgrid that means the paps were called). and she looked happy as fuck to see the crowd that surrounded her at jack’s wedding, like she was at a surprise party (except she wasn’t really surprised). she can do pap walks with her squad on the streets of new york city (a very crime ridden city btw) but she can’t go to an airport? i call bullshit.

just admit that your fave is a selfish billionaire who cares more about her own convenience than she does about the environment. i am so fucking tired of swifties defending her MORE than excessive jet pollution and making these pathetic excuses.

[chelledoggo]

My Analysis of "Lazarus Drug" by Meg Washington, and how it pertains to Bluey's "The Sign" [MASSIVE BLUEY SPOILERS]

(This post is going to deviate from my typical "all lowercase" typing style because I kinda want it to be taken seriously lol.)

So, I was doing some dishes earlier, and I started thinking about the song "Lazarus Drug" by Meg Washington. I started mulling over the lyrics and thinking about how it was used at the ending of the Bluey special "The Sign." The wheels kinda started turning and I felt compelled to attempt to present my interpretation and the thoughts I have about it.

Now, I'm not a music theorist or a seasoned philosopher or TV critic. I'm just about as much of a layperson as one can be. I'm just kinda calling things as I see them.

Although only the final portion of the song was used in The Sign, I wanna go over the full version of the song to give a better understanding of what all the pieces mean put together.

This probably won't be a play-by-play of every lyric (because I'm not that smart lol), but I'll do my best to get the point across.

Let's begin!

[MASSIVE BLUEY SPOILERS BEGIN BELOW THE CUT]

I am asleep, I am a slug I am a thief, I am a thug

The first lines of the song give the impression that the singer perceives herself as an impure person. She seems to bring attention to her vices of focusing too much on the self to the point where it could potentially hurt others.

You are grace, you are belief You are a Lazarus drug

This is where the song title comes in, and this section in particular is clearly very heavy on Biblical imagery.

Lazarus was a figure in the Bible, specifically the Gospel of John (John 11:1-45). He died of illness and had been in the tomb for four days. Jesus loved Lazarus so much, that he had wept upon the confirmation of his death. He then went to the tomb where Lazarus lie and resurrected him.

Note how the singer refers to the subject as a "Lazarus drug." When you think of a drug, you think either of something meant to treat an illness, or something meant to give someone a high. However, in this case, I think it's both.

Meg Washington said the following in an interview with ABC's (Australia) Double J radio station:

"'Lazarus Drug' is a song about love and euphoria and revival. It's really just an ode to whatever it is in your life – or my life – that makes you feel like rising up and floating in the middle of the air and splitting into light beams of happiness. "Writing this song was really special for me, because every time I sing it I feel the same way that I felt when I wrote it. I really wanted to make something that sounded like how we can make each other feel if we try very hard to share love."

The subject of the song is a loving, caring figure. You could even argue that they are a Christlike figure. The love and compassion that they extend to the singer not only heals their pain, but makes them feel high, as illustrated in these lyrics a few lines later.

And when you make A perfect circle in the sky I get so high I get so high I'm like a planet And I can't come down Oh, I can't come down

The next verse begins like this:

You are an angel And when you weep, the heavens rain I am a mermaid, eating at the sushi train

The "mermaid at the sushi train" metaphor is kind of up in the air, but I believe it might once again be highlighting the singer's selfishness.

Like, why would a mermaid be eating sushi? Why would she be eating her little fishy friends? Like imagine if Ariel was advertising frozen fishsticks... Oh wait...

It seems like a metaphor for thinking more about your own hunger rather than the needs of those you're meant to care for.

We sort of see this in both Bandit and Rad's subplots in "The Sign."

Bandit gets this high-paying new job in another city. He's going to have to uproot his family's life and take them away from the people they love and care about in Brisbane. However, Bandit doesn't really seem to consider too much how this might emotionally affect Bluey and Bingo. The way he sees it, he's doing the right thing. He believes he's guaranteeing a bright and comfy future for the Heeler family. He means well, of course. But in this case he's being so short-sighted that he doesn't seem to really take his family's feelings into account.

Likewise, Rad plans to move himself and Frisky out west after their wedding... Except that he didn't bother bringing this up to Frisky herself. His motives were arguably even more self-centered and short-sighted. He didn't bother asking Frisky how uprooting her own life would affect her. He just... assumed he could just smooth it over after the wedding. (I love you Rad, but... dick move, man. Dick move.)

But when you look in me With language in your eyes I get so high I get so high I'm like a planet And I can't come down

When the singer stops and looks at the subject, gazing into her eyes without needing to say a word, that "Lazarus drug high" comes back. She realizes that she's not in it alone. That there's people around her that love her and care for her, and they matter just as much as she does.

When Rad finally catches up to Frisky at the Lookout, they have this moment:

Now at surface level "I know you like it here" could just be referring to the Lookout, since it's one of Frisky's favorite places. But on a deeper level, I think we can tell what this really means. It's referring to Brisbane. You can even see the city in the background here.

Rad finally wakes up and realizes how much Frisky's home means to her. Neither one of them has to say a word about Brisbane for us to know that Rad's had a change of heart about moving. The way they look at each other during this scene speaks volumes.

Likewise, there's... the moment.

Moving day.

I feel it in the morning I feel how low it lies And then I hear you calling And then I start to rise I feel it in the morning I feel how low it lies And then I hear you call my name And then I start to rise

The Heeler house is all packed up in boxes, and the family is getting into the car to leave their driveway for the final time.

But just as Bandit's about to get in the driver's seat, he stops to answer a call from Bucky, letting him know that the Sheepdogs decided at the last minute not to buy the Heeler house.

After the call ends, Bandit walks over to peel the "SOLD" sticker off the "For Sale" sign.

He then gazes back at his family waiting in the car. No words are exchanged. He just takes a moment to look into their eyes. He's reflecting on what this move will mean for them. He remembers all the sorrow Bluey and Bingo endured over the revelation.

And suddenly his eyes are opened to what really matters...

And when I hear you calling Like you were always there I rise until I'm hanging In the middle of the air

He grabs hold of the sign, pulling it with the strength of two Bandits.

And when I hear you calling I split like I'm a snake With golden light like fingers And then I start to break Into a billion pieces

And...

...YEET.

Oh, I shatter into constellations Like I've never been more here Like I completely disappear

The ego shatters. Bandit foregoes the self and realizes his oneness with his family. That they all matter. That what they have in Brisbane is beautiful.

Sure, he could assure himself a cushy high-paying job and ensure a "comfy" life for his family.

But his family was already comfortable. More than comfortable, even.

His preconceived notions of what a "good life" could be disappear, because he knows they already have a good life.

I'm nothingness, but shining And everywhere at once I'm everything and everyone who is or ever was

Now this line is particularly interesting to me.

In eastern spirituality, especially Buddhism, there's a concept of "emptiness." Basically nothing and no one exists purely in and of itself. "Everything and everyone who is or ever was" exists because of interconnections through other factors. There's no inherent "thing" or "self." We're all one.

The words "emptiness" and "nothingness" in our western mindset seems to denote a feeling of despair and sadness. I think this is why Meg chose to word it as "nothingness, but shining." In the eastern mindset, "nothingness" is something that is shining and beautiful. It's not a sense of loneliness, rather a sense that you are not alone.

Bluey isn't a stranger to incorporating eastern spiritual thought into its episodes. Probably the most famous example is the episode "Bumpy and the Wise Old Wolfhound," which is loosely based off the Buddhist story of Kisa Gotami. The episode "Hide and Seek" alludes to the practice of mindfulness meditation, which is a practice rooted in eastern traditions. You could even argue that the episode "Slide" has themes of Ahimsa, the eastern principle of nonviolence and not causing harm to other living things.

Even "The Sign" incorporates the Taoist parable of the Farmer, which teaches about accepting the unexpected of life, and not labelling anything as "fortunate" or "unfortunate."

I also personally see themes of the aforementioned principle of interconnectedness. The whole episode is basically a literal "butterfly effect." Every little thing, from Frisky leaving the wedding and the Heelers going to look for her, to Flappy (who originally appeared in "Slide." Oh wow, this goes deep!) flying into the Heelers' car, to Bluey finding a lucky coin, only for it to get stuck in the binoculars that the Sheepdogs later use to spot their new dream house... it all leads up to the ending.

The ending in and of itself can't really be labelled as a perfect happy ending, either. Bandit can no longer accept his new job, and will probably need to find new work in Brisbane. How will it go?

"We'll see."

And You're nothingness, but shining And everywhere at once You're everything, we're everyone who is or ever was, forever

The final lines are just a pronoun switch of the ones before them. This could be interpreted in multiple ways. The singer could be addressing the subject of the song, but she could also be addressing the listener.

The song ends on a reminder that we're all connected. We're affected by the circumstances we face, including the love we're shown by others. Likewise, the love we show others affects them and those around them.

Isn't that kind of one of the overarching messages of Bluey as a whole? How we treat others - our friends, our families, our children - goes a long, long way.

...

WHOO. That ended up being more of a ramble than I thought.

Anyway, I'm just calling this as I personally see it from my silly overthinking layperson perspective. You shouldn't by any means take what I say as gospel, but I do hope I've at least given you something to think about.

And, of course, feel free to share your own interpretations!

If you've made it to the end of this massive skyscraper of text, thank you so, so much. I love you. 💖

[theaccidentfactory]

"Ivy is insane in a different way" PLEASE elaborate on that.

HAHAHAHA NOW YOU ARE SENTENCED TO LISRENING TO ME INFODUMP ABOUT MY OC!!!! >:))))

okay so ivy is one of the characters in my podcast. August, the main character who's perspective the story is told, is actually kind of insane. She was gaslit and manipulated her entire childhood after witnessing the brutal death of her father (not like the internet version of gaslighting, like ACTUAL gaslighting. She thought she was experiencing psychosis her entire life after the incident because everyone called her crazy and didn't believe her). She's rude, she's aggressive, she's impulsive, she is kind of selfish, she likes causing problems on purpose, and generally isn't liked.

Ivy, on the other hand, on the surface, seems "normal". Her mom died when she was 11, her dad was an alcoholic who was kind of negligent after her mom's death, so she was stuck raising her 4 brothers. She is a really good photographer and artist and after junior college got accepted into UCLA on a full ride scholarship (something that is unheard of) but her brothers all moved out across the country and her dad got sick, so she had to postpone UCLA to stay in her small town and care for him as his condition progresses.

She, in my opinion, is the only emotionally intelligent character in this podcast, because she's been to therapy and refuses to become like her dad, and has a healthy understanding of interpersonal relationships and what behavior to tolerate.

Since she grew up raising 4 boys and dealing with her dad who can be kind of mean, she doesn't take any shit at all. August will try to engage in an argument (because that's what she does when she feels insecure because it's all she knows) but Ivy won't even look up from her book and will be like "babe, you're being kind of mean. Go take a walk and calm down, and then we can talk" and she does and they have a productive conversation after.

I've always hated the trope of character A having trauma and character B either "fixing" them in a therapist role or tolerating being mistreated and justifying it because "they're struggling". That's not their dynamic at all. Ivy will love her unconditionally, however if August is being unfair or rude or a conversation is unproductive, she'll disengage until August is ready to have a normal conversation. She won't let herself be manipulated or forced into anything, so she makes August take responsibility. She's really kind and gentle, but she's absolutely not a pushover or a people pleaser.

So the way she's insane, in a different way than August, is that she is incredibly determined and can fixate on certain things and not let them go, sometimes to her own disadvantage. She is canonically disabled and a full time cane/crutches user, and she frequently pushes herself past her limits physically in order to achieve things. Like she'll wake up in pain, but insist on walking all around town to complete her freelance photography goals, and then not really rest afterwards when she's exhausted and in pain.

She also just. Doesn't let things go. Like I said, she doesn't become codependent with August or fall into a therapist role, but she sees August for the first time at the airport screaming at her brother on the phone and throwing her keys against the wall really hard, and she's like "wow she's so pathetic. I want her so bad." And she follows her around and insists on helping her every step of the way until she actually shows some vulnerability and allows her to. (Not in a way that harms Ivy, but like she sees August melting down in an airport cafe because she forgot her computer charger, and when August walks away from her stuff, Ivy leaves her own laptop charger on the table with a sweet note)

She is the type of person to work on projects for DAYS, without eating or sleeping, and when the podcast picks up and she's a part of it, there are several moments when she's about to collapse in exhaustion because she just. Can't let things go long enough to sleep or eat a meal. (This causes some really delicious internal conflict with August because she's built her entire personality over being independent and keeping everyone far far away from her heart and pretending not to care about anyone but herself, but then she sees this really annoying girl who keeps following her around being kind and understanding struggling to stand because she's so tired, and she doesn't know if she should pretend not to care or follow her instincts that feel foreign and unnatural to her and give her a comfortable place to sleep and make her a nice meal)

While I consider her the most emotionally intelligent character, she also has some trauma responses. She is usually able to deal with conflict, but if someone is accusing her of doing something she didn't do, it will trigger her responses from her upbringing with her father and being responsible for her brothers, so she'll get passive aggressive and passively angry towards whoever is triggering it. So if someone is yelling at her or trying to manipulate her, she'll stand her ground, but if someone even suggests she did something she didn't or misunderstands her intentions, it will start an argument and she won't be able to communicate as effectively.

Finally, if she is triggered, she doesn't get outwardly angry, rather, she retreats into herself. She becomes avoidant and detached, and kind of stews in her anger. She doesn't want to talk about it, and she'll keep going about like everything is normal, but something is noticably off and she is very cold and distant. Her responses will be very short and neutral and she'll be kind of passive aggressive.

In conclusion, her type of insane balances out August's perfectly. August is very outwardly angry and problematic and avoidant, but in a way where she runs from her responsibilities (when the plot picks up, she left home at 15 and hadn't talked to her family in 10 years). August is irresponsible and tends to be selfish and self destructive. Ivy has better interpersonal skills, but tends to work herself to death and burn herself out, and gets cold and passive aggressive when triggered. But it balances out because she's learning how to accept help and not be "on" and perfect and responsible all the time, and August is learning how to care for/about others, communicate directly, and be more responsible.

[andorerso]

i was wondering if you could talk a little bit about why you don’t like marva? (loved the new chapter of don’t say you love me)

Hoo boy, where do I begin? Put under a read more for spoilers, and for the anti-Maarva rant incoming.

First and probably biggest reason is the kidnapping. Drugging and taking a child from his community and his only remaining family, a child who's terrified, who's clearly never seen technology like theirs before, who doesn't even speak their language... She's quite literally the textbook example of the white savior trope, and most baffling of all, this is portrayed as a mostly positive thing. (Well, not even mostly. Other than Cassian still looking for his sister and their relationship being strained, I struggle to see where the show called out Maarva for her actions because well. It didn't.)

Then there's the way she treats Cassian after that. She's belittling, dismissive, borderline emotionally abusive, constantly puts him down and talks down on him, always criticizes him... She treats Bee kinda shitty too, mind you (for example snapping at him to shut up rather cruelly if you ask me.) Then she abandons Cassian when he needs her the most because now she suddenly cares about fighting the empire? And once again, it's portrayed as this selfless heroic act because I guess fighting the Empire is more important than anything. Fine, if that's what you wanna go for. Except that she doesn't fight them. She doesn't do anything, and this "noble" act of sacrifice is completely meaningless. It does nothing else but hurt Cassian. She took this child from his home, never took accountability for it, never treated him right as a mother, and now when he has no one else left and he's just begging her to go with him because despite everything, he does love her and he doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't want her to be in danger... she turns him away? And for what? So she can stay on Ferrix, sick and stubborn and refusing to take her medication and just being a nuisance to everyone? So she can die alone a month later without having any closure with her son? Okay. Makes sense. Oh wait, I forgot. She makes a speech. Groundbreaking.

What's especially annoying to me is that the narrative fully takes her side and never bothers to call her out on any of this. Yes, some people just don't have good mothers, and that'd be fine as a story, even though I'd still dislike her, but what makes me hate her even more is that the story doesn't seem to consider her a bad mother. The story wants me to like her. We're told she's a beloved part of the community, that she's a selfless mother, that she's an inspiring leader. Except that's not what they show us. Fiona Shaw herself talks about what a selfless hero she is for quote-on-quote rescuing Cassian, and it feels like I'm getting whiplash because did we watch the same show? Rescuing Cassian is not how I'd put it. She full on drugged and kidnapped a child, that's not a noble or heroic act of self-sacrifice.

Maarva never shows any warmth towards Cassian. Even in episode 7 when he goes back to her and episode 11 when he tries to call her, it feels like a boy desperately trying to please and live up to his mother's standards because she never made him feel like he was good enough. And that really is just the last straw. I wouldn't forgive her for kidnapping him, but I had hoped, initially, that there'd be consequences to this, that she'd show remorse at least. But I don't think Maarva ever really thought she did anything wrong because the story doesn't think she did anything wrong. And instead of trying to make it up to him like Clem seemed to have tried, she just gives him even more emotional damage.

I just can't tolerate her. Even her love for Cassian seems selfish at best, so there's nothing redeemable about her in my eyes.

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

episode 7 - shall we gundam. probably my 2nd fav episode of the 1st cour right after ep 11

we start off with peil ceos admitting to vim and sarius that yes pharact is a gundam and oh no oops we did something illegal. that call out on vim, i wonder if it's about his initial assassination attempt on delling and like... how is his shit just being broadcast out to everyone?

after showing that perhaps he has a stronger moral compass, sarius seems to be on board with peil and jeturk on something needed to be done with regards to delling

cut to the OP and we finally have our first OP change with the lfrith ur and thorn ominuosly silhouetted behind delling

in sulemio relationship development, we now have suletta actively helping miorine grow tomatoes

cute development only to go straight into suletta being worried about where the hell elan went after he stood her up and of course mio does not want to hear about that

so she defaults to talking about how the only thing she cares about is leaving to earth, which we all know as the audience that she very well could have done that weeks/months ago but didn't. cut to framing of a green tomato along with ripe tomatoes

i wonder if that's something they ever talked about. i feel like post-series sulemio would likely be the type of couple to share everything no matter how uncomfortable so yeah eventually it'd have come to light and we'd just have heart eyes suletta while apologizing or something

mio has a heart of gold looking back on this episode lmao like yeah suletta just wanted to see what the fuck happened but for mio this is someone who in her mind suletta is interested in

she makes it clear when the incubation party invites get sent out that they don't have to go (read: she doesn't want to go) and suletta seizes this as an opportunity to play detective and find out what in the world happened

thank you g witch for not turning this specific scene into stereotypical tsundere gets offended someone subtley said they have small boobs

oh shit lmao i am just now noticing that's the yoasobi collab demi trainer

miorine could've just had suletta go find elan herself, but she's going to help too

also no screenshot because i didnt want to reach the post image limit too soon but i like the scene before this one to really show off how much miorine hates the business world as she's explaining the incubation party to nika. the compliment she gets over being the top business student just completely disgusts her lmao

so like mannnn, how much of a gay baby was she for suletta that she just threw all that out the window and took on a whole ass company just to save suletta and her mobile suit

yeah yeah we know mio's tsun attitude is all a front because of the awful upbringing she's had but seeing it front and center like this is so depressing. like how much shit did she have to deal with from these rich fucks that at this point she can just wave them off like it's no big deal

so we find out here finally that miorine and shaddiq have a history, so to speak. to her, he's still really nothing because lets face it he never stepped up to the plate to so much as help her not deal with all the shit she's had on her plate throughout the years. i'm certain she wouldn't have married him, but i am sure miorine would be much more content with her life at the time suletta showed up if shaddiq had had been the friend he thought of himself as and actually acted as her shield. but *green tomato being snipped imagery* too little, too late

his comment here too is pretty insightful and if you don't know any better and take it as face value you'd think miorine is selfish but nah. who in the world would she have to help when no one's ever seen her as her own person and she's literally a prize to be won. and of course shaddiq as continues to be the case throughout series acknowledges its all thanks to suletta being suletta

at some point miorine must have looked back at this interaction and just absolutely fucking hated the trajectory her life took lmao

we're going to be a family

interesting that even though she's got the mask on, she pretty much immediately went to take a seat to continue their talk

one of the most interesting things to me about the initial meeting between miorine and prospera is prospera literally telling miorine to check her privilege lmao and like while she may be right that miorine is afforded all these things by virtue of being delling's daughter, it doesn't at all make everything he's done go away and it doesn't remove the actual neglect and trauma miorine's gone through

i remember reading posts about this scene and people just going off about evil, manipulative prospera but i think miorine literally had to internalize the fact that she has privilege despite the fact that yes she is also still subjected to forms of abuse. realizing that she can take that privilege and use it to her advantage is what lets the rest of the episode unfold. i'd also like to think that her looking more deeply and meaningfully into the privileges afforded to her as the daughter of the benerit group allowed her to later make an earnest attempt and becoming a true bridge between earthians and spacians

i honestly don't remember if we're supposed to know what he's referring to here or if this is just the introductory scene for the dawn of fold subplot lmao

oh suletta you're falling for it again

interesting to note that as peil ceos start their presentation, the frame pans to sarius clearly keeping an eye on delling for his reaction

evil evil ass shit for the space libertarians to just gang up on a clearly super naive teenager lol

also i'm pretty sure i'm gonna end up going past image limit so will likely need to have a part 2 for this episode

so to be continued in part for episode 7 because there's just too many good things here lol

[lobster-tales]

Beat the Daylight

Sequel to Face the Noise, an Arcane Rock Band AU

Rating: M

Chapter 17: The Gym

Summary: Lux confronts Vi || Jinx's hostage gets a visitor

This work is available here on AO3. Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16

Progress Day’s practices had become sluggish, weighed down by the elephant in the room. Well, not really an elephant, more like a dinosaur: a five ton T. Rex that followed Lux around, hovering in her shadow. She kept her head high, though, and her shoulders straight.

Vi still spoke to her: all of them did, making small talk. But there was distance now, a noticeable gap between Lux and the other three band members. It didn’t help when her phone would ring mid-practice, and she would sigh and step out to speak to her parents or brother for a while.

Vi, Ekko, and Jayce were never privy to those phone calls, but every time Lux returned, there would be an emptiness in her expression, her jaw set grimly.

After a particularly bad one, a call that lasted an hour, Lux came back with damp eyes. Ekko ended practice there.

Lux and Vi spent their car rides in silence again, as they had for so long at the beginning. The chauffeur, however, was now more than happy to share the personal details of his life with Lux, who smiled and prompted with more questions every now and then. Vi liked listening to him, too, about his son’s bad score in math or his wife’s book club drama. It was a welcome distraction for both of them.

At home, Tobias was out getting groceries, so Vi worked out alone. She used to exercise to clear her thoughts. Now, she used the time to push them down.

Her emotions felt thick in her chest, a mess of loose frustrations. And the last thing she wanted was to untangle them, bring each one out into the light and face her own fears. Because truthfully, some of them were selfish, and the shame was worse than anything. The longer the feeling stayed buried, the better. So she put in her headphones and drowned them out with the angry growl of a guitar.

A presence appeared at the door: even out of the corner of her eye, she knew it was Lux. Vi acknowledged her by taking out one earbud, but continued her workout. She didn’t want to admit it, but part of her avoidance was embarrassment. Embarrassment at herself for not knowing how to handle the situation, for letting it simmer.

“Hi.” Lux leaned against the doorframe. She wore the kind of confidence that can only come with exhaustion, the calm of nothing left to lose.

Vi jutted her chin in greeting. “What’s up?”

“We need to talk. About the other day.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Vi’s fist thudded against the sandbag. “You fucked my sister.”

“There’s more to it than that.”

“Is there?” The sandbag swung back towards her and Vi caught it against her hands, panting as she met Lux’s gaze. “Because the pictures looked pretty cut and dry to me.”

“You believe everything you see in the press?” There was a bite in her tone now. Only a few short weeks ago, Lux would never have spoken to her this way.

“Well, I don’t really have much else to go on, Lux.” One of her threads untangled, one of the feelings she pushed down, and she was helpless to stop it as she said sourly, “Wasn’t that the point? To put on a show.”

“What?” Lux asked with a confused frown.

“Look, next time you want to play teenage rebellion, leave my family out of it.”

She scoffed, hurt. “Is that what you think, Vi? That I planned this?”

“Didn’t you?” The mess in her chest loosened, each angry thought and feeling coiling up her throat. “Why else would you keep it a secret from us? From me? I told you to be careful, Lux, and then you turn around and put you both in even more danger? You knew the consequences, so why? Why did you do it?”

“Because I’m in love with her!”

An electric fan whirred in the corner of the room, air rustling the sweat towel hanging there.

Vi shook her head. “There. Was that so hard?”

“What, did I need your blessing?” Lux asked, annoyed.

“No, but fuck, Lux.” As Vi spoke, she began to tremble. “She’s still my sister. And she’s perfectly happy running around with you and showing you off to the press and being with you and she can’t even look at me!”

And there it was. The center of it all, what she was ashamed of. And she realized she wasn’t ashamed because it was selfish, but because it was unfair towards Lux. Powder made her own choices, and it was wrong to hold Lux accountable for them.

“I’m sorry,” Vi muttered. She pressed her fist and her forehead against the sandbag, resting there. “I shouldn’t take it out on you. It’s not your fault that I don’t understand her. I just… want my sister back.”

“That’s what she’s afraid of.” Her tone was kinder, but still cool.

“What?”

Lux said, “She thinks you want Powder back, and you don’t want Jinx tagging along.”

Vi opened her mouth to deny it, but as the words sank in, she realized they were true. When she imagined Powder’s homecoming, she assumed Jinx would get left behind, fade like a bad memory. It never occurred to her that Jinx was here to stay.

“And like it or not,” Lux said softly, “Powder and Jinx are the same. All the things you don’t like about Jinx still exist in Powder, and she’s afraid that if you find that out, you’ll reject her.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” said Vi. “I would never-”

“I know that, but she doesn’t.” Lux took a deep breath. “It’s not my business, but I thought you deserved to know.”

When Vi didn’t respond, Lux went for the door as if she had been dismissed.

“Did you… have fun, at least?” Vi asked. “That night, both of you?”

A wistful smile tugged at Lux’s lips. “It was the best night of my life.”

“Even with all the bullshit afterwards?” She nodded towards Lux’s pocket. “Like with your family?”

“I’d take that bullshit a hundred times over if it meant I got to see her again.”

Intense. Good. “You’re really in love with her, huh?” Vi asked.

“Yes.” There was no waver in her voice, no hesitation.

Vi looked at Lux, really looked at her. When they first met, she would never have considered her as a match for Powder: too preppy, too bright. But now, after knowing her for some time, she recognized that hunger for adventure, curiosity in place of judgment. And especially now, there was a hardness to her confidence. She was no longer that anxious, insecure girl. She became one of them, baptized by fire.

“I’m proud of you, Lux.”

Lux froze, her eyes widening. “Y-you are?”

“Yeah.” Vi spoke the feelings as she felt them, not burying any this time. “I’m proud of you for going for what you want and not caring what everyone else thinks. I’m proud of you for staying true to yourself and following your heart. Yeah, I wish you told me, but I understand why you didn’t. And… I’m really happy for you. When Powder loves someone, she loves them with every fiber of her being. It can get a little intense sometimes, but it’s because she cares.” She smiled sadly to herself. “And if you love her half as much as she loves you, then you two are going to be alright.”

Lux launched herself into Vi’s arms, sniffling into her shoulder. She had also been burying feelings, Vi understood, and now she let them all out. “Thank you, Vi,” Lux wept. “I am happy, I just… Everyone’s been so mad at me, you know? Even Ekko and Jayce-”

“Whoah, whoah,” Vi said, pulling away. Lux’s face was a mass of snot and tears, so Vi grabbed one of the clean gym towels off the rack for her. “They’re not mad at you. I think they’re just… confused. That’s all.” An idea bloomed in her mind. “You know… I actually don’t think they have any plans for tonight. Maybe we could just… talk? As a group. Over ice cream?”

Lux beamed at her. “I would like that.”

                                                           ☆ ☆ ☆                                                   

Viktor was an incredible hostage, which was annoying. When Jinx told him about his new status, he was completely unfazed, offering nothing more than a simple “Okay.”

Even though Finn and Margot had both left, the rest of Fissurefolk chugged right along. Band practices were much quieter now without Finn’s constant critiques. Sure, Jinx would snap at Sevika every now and then, who had switched from bass to lead guitar in order to fill the gap left by Finn, and though she was trying her best, there was still a drastic difference in quality.

But Jinx was finding it harder and harder to care. She couldn’t silence her mind, ideas breaking through for every one of Viktor’s tracks, small improvements. But she chose not to voice them to him. And when practice ended, instead of going to her studio, she escorted Viktor back to the hotel and kept him locked in his room. Silco and Sevika had no idea about Viktor’s espionage, and Jinx made sure it stayed that way.

Practice had ended early today: Sevika and Silco had some business meeting a few cities away. Jinx kept calling it a family road trip, which pissed Sevika off. Business meeting, road trip, it didn’t matter what they called it because Jinx knew what it really was, especially since Sevika was wearing an extra pistol today.

Jinx spent the early release in her bedroom, playing video games. At some point, the sun had set and it was dark now, and she could hear the soft patter of rain outside the window. And shouting. In Zaun, people picked fights like they picked a place to eat dinner: a couple times a week. Shouting was part of the white noise in this city, along with the thud of fists and the occasional gunshot.

But this shouting was different. It was one voice, a man’s voice, and seemed weirdly familiar. Jinx paused her game to open the window, peering down the dizzying distance to the ground.

And there was Jayce motherfucking Talis. Standing across the street in the pouring rain, shouting up at the hotel.

She made a beeline for Viktor’s room, startling him from dissecting his alarm clock. “Why the fuck is he here?” she hissed.

Viktor lifted the alarm clock, confused. “Oh, I found him on my nightstand.” As she went to the window, he said, “I understand if you don’t want me meddling with hotel property. I know it’s a lot to ask as a hostage, but can I at least get some other gadgets? Maybe some-”

“Viktor,” she interrupted, pointing at the street below. “Why the fuck is Jayce outside?”

He joined her at the window, lips curving into a confused frown. “Strange… I told him not to come here.”

Jayce’s voice echoed off the cold walls. “Viktor!” So far, the hotel guards hadn’t gone for him: they seemed too entertained by his passionate display, and dissuaded by the rain. A few prostitutes had gathered under a storefront awning, also watching and chuckling to each other.

“You told him?” Jinx asked. “What do you mean you told him? You contacted him?”

He held up his hands defensively. “All I did was send a text telling him that even though I’m a hostage, I’m being treated very well, and that there was no need to worry.”

Her jaw dropped. “What?”

“Well, when I ratted out Caitlyn, I assumed you went to her and told her I’m a hostage. And she would tell Jayce, of course, so I was just being proactive.”

“Okay wait,” she said. “Let me get this straight. Why did you text Jayce?”

“To reassure him. Because I knew as soon as Caitlyn told him I was a hostage, he would freak out and do something stupid.”

“Exactly. So why would Kiramman ever tell him?”

He opened his mouth but no words came out as he processed what she said. “Ah. You know, that’s a very good point.”

“VIKTORRR!”

Jinx put her head in her hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay,” she breathed. “Silco and Sevika aren’t here. As long as he doesn’t do anything else, we can play this off.”

“He’s going for the guards,” Viktor said, watching from the window.

“Shit!” Jinx growled. “I’ll take care of it, you stay here.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Viktor had a look of satisfaction, maybe a dash of relief. “I could watch this all day.”

By the time she made it to the front door, the street’s residents had all opened their windows, warm light reflecting off the wet pavement as they gawked from above. A series of cars had parked illegally on the other side of the pavement: the press, probably. Jayce was oblivious to all of it, as guard after guard kept him off the property.

He was making too much of a scene. Jinx would really have to pull out all the stops for this performance.

She whistled sharply. The guards pushing against Jayce retreated at the sound, and he collapsed onto the pavement. Jinx stood in the center of the guard, silhouetted by the lobby’s glow.

Jayce glared up at her, panting. She had never seen pretty boy so disheveled before, hair plastered to his forehead, the white shirt clinging to his muscled torso. He rose, and it occurred to her just how large he was, how intimidating he might have been if he wasn’t just screaming his lover’s name in the rain.

“What have you done with him?” Jayce growled.

When Jinx spoke, she projected her voice enough for all the bystanders to hear. “Viktor doesn’t want to see you, Jayce. Go home.”

“Is he hurt? Did you hurt him?”

“Why would I ever hurt,” she hissed the words, emphasizing, “my bandmate?”

But he didn’t understand, yelling up at the building, “Viktor! I’m coming to save-”

Her fist flew faster than her thoughts, crashing against his temple. Stunned, Jayce staggered back. Jinx pursued, snarling, “He doesn’t want you anymore, Talis. And if you don’t scram right fucking now, then here’s what I’ll do to you.” She snatched the front of his wet shirt, whispering in his ear, “Viktor is sending you an address. Meet us there.”

Then she shoved him away, spun on her heel, and returned to the warm, dry hotel. She didn’t look back, but Viktor confirmed he was gone when she returned to the room.

“Good,” she said. “Text him the address to my studio. And grab your coat.”

His eyes widened in confusion but more importantly, hope. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” She hid the kindness behind a sour mutter. “You made this mess, you gotta clean it up.”

Jayce was already there when they pulled up to the studio, his car headlights trained on the front entrance. Jinx went inside first, placed a towel over Fishbones’s glassy eyes, and carried the plush shark out. Jayce gave her a wide berth and a bewildered stare, and she bared her teeth at him.

“One hour,” she told Viktor. He nodded and closed the door behind her.

Jinx waited in the car. She had hotwired one of the SUVs and driven it herself. Because of her busy schedule with tours and shows, Silco had forged most if not all of the legal documents she needed, including her high school GED, and of course, her driver’s license. She spent so long playing passenger that she never really took the time to practice driving. Luckily, the late night and bad weather kept other cars off the road, leaving few witnesses to her jerky stops and too sharp turns.

Viktor had been ever patient, though, offering encouragement and little snippets of advice when he could.

Fishbones sat in the passenger seat: she could feel him glaring even with the towel over his eyes. He was not happy with the circumstances. Some empress you’re going to be, he growled. Is this what you’re going to do with all your prisoners? Let them have conjugal visits anytime they want? You need to be cruel, Jinx. They should fear you.

Blah fucking blah. His voice used to motivate her, but now he just seemed like a pest in her ear. She turned up the music in the car, singing along to drown out his voice.

Open up my box and pull the string Am I just a musical machine for ransom? I will only listen if you scream Lose your voice for me and I will sing your anthem

Living in fear, living afraid Hysterical every day All because I let your poison paralyze me

Jinx lost herself in the song, belting the chorus alone, punching the air on the downbeats.

So tell me who's in control I'm confused, I don't know Tell me who's in control now

So tell me who's in control Is it you?

She pointed at Fishbones, then shrugged as she sang,

I don't know Tell me who's in control now My life is yours to hold

Jinx ran the gauntlet of songs, practicing some for the contest, though others were just for her. Those bought her a solid twenty minutes. When she got bored, she started dicking around on her phone. Jinx had been avoiding social media, specifically the sleazy pictures of her and Lux. But now she was curious about tonight’s events, eager to see her own performance.

She snickered at the videos of Jayce, screaming Viktor’s name like some romantic hero. It looked like the guards had landed a few solid blows on him before she arrived. And when she did, she definitely looked convincing. There she was, Jinx, scowling, ignoring the rain, facing a man who stood a head taller than her. Not just facing him, threatening him, intimidating him. When her video self punched Jayce, she locked her phone screen.

Maybe this empress thing could work. Maybe she could be cruel in public and kind in private. Especially when it came to Viktor.

She could bear the crown, she had no doubt: just another performance, just another stage. If she could handle a crowd, she could definitely handle a city. But then she thought of the mud on Silco’s shoes, the blood splatters on his maroon shirt, the easy way he lied about Finn’s death. Could she carry the weight of those things as well?

At some point, she nodded off, woken by the alarm on her phone. The hour was up. The rain had stopped, remembered only by the glistening pavement. She readied herself to retrieve the boys, but before she could open the car door, they both exited the studio. Jayce pulled Viktor into a hug, one last, crushing hug. And Viktor returned it, crushing him right back. They stayed locked for a long moment, exchanging no words, until they pulled away from each other and she saw Jayce’s eyes were wet.

As Viktor climbed into the passenger seat, Jayce met Jinx’s eyes. He gave her a tiny, grateful nod, and she returned the acknowledgment. He stood by his car, watching as they drove off.

“How’d it go?” she asked. “You guys talk it out?”

“Oh, we talked,” Viktor said. “Then we… stopped talking.”

“Right.”

“Kind of hard to talk with something in your mouth.”

“Ew, Viktor,” but she couldn’t hold back the ghost of her smile. “TMI.”

He chuckled. “You know, this is the best hostage situation I’ve ever been in.”

“... Have you been held hostage before?”

“A few times, growing up,” he said. “Singed had a lot of enemies.”

Silence stretched between them. At the end of the highway, Zaun slept, nestled in neon nightlights.

When they pulled back into the hotel garage, Viktor reached over and squeezed her upper arm. “Thank you,” he whispered, barely audible.

“Don’t mention it.”

[quills-of-freedom]

Relationship, Vibe & Various

Petra Rall

😻

🦋

🪔

🖋

🌰

🌻

🌈

🌠

💭

🍯

Listen, this might be my clearly neuro-divergent brain talking, but Petra is one of those people who are so... normal. Know what I mean? She has her shit together, she has no baggage, no issues, and no internal problems. She just manages to exist and get shit done without a problem.

She's emotionally intelligent, she doesn't have a bad temper, knows how to regulate herself and well... for us stranger folk and as a character for a show that has so much angst, she's just normal. Can't really expand more upon it so I hope you know what I mean.

Ideal Dates

Petra is brimming with feminine energy and likes all things soft, sweet and fluffy. Flattery, although shy about it, will work wonders. Not that she's ego-driven because she's not, she's just a sucker for being romanced by the right person.

So flowers, stuffed animal toys, win her something at a fairground, take her to a play, dinner, a romantic walk in the park, horse riding... anything of the sort and her honey eyes will sparkle.

Has a slight sweet tooth, likes treats from the bakery and the odd candy lolly-pop but since she's so well disciplined she never overindulges.

Stargazing, and what are those things called, my mind is running blank right now... "google, what are those buildings called where you watch stars on projections?" .... Planetarium. I hate when that happens. But yeah, she adores anything like that.

NSFW

Is not one to give up her body until a bond of trust is there. She's pretty conservative with being physical so it's not high up on her priority list in life. She's happy enough without the need to get laid.

To be honest, she would wait until after marriage in canon. Modern AU not so much unless she's raised in a religious household but just don't expect casual sex off her as a lover until you're super serious either way.

Worth the wait though, 100%. She's a bit of a pillow princess, not because she's selfish or lazy but because she's inexperienced. Teach her, guide her. And break her heart and I'll break your neck. 'Kay?

Traditional. Wants a big family. Doesn't really believe in contraception so she will just keep pumping out children. Hope you're prepared for this.

She secretly loves it when you dominate her, softly though. Order her around with plenty of praise and she'll turn into a blushing mess with legs like jelly.

Modern AU

I can see Petra being a teacher and working her way up to principal of a primary school. (For others in the world, Kindergarten and up to about 10 or 11 years old)

Probably comes from a traditional, maybe even old-fashioned background as mentioned above. You will have to impress her family and ask their permission to marry their daughter.

Or I can also see her being some kind of councillor for mental health or marriage or relationships/trauma. She's patient, kind, strong and empathetic.

Has a large group of women friends, probably like a book club or something, maybe even a baking thing. Heavily involved in the community, running events and raising awareness for certain issues.

Kinks

As she is so inexperienced and shy, praising her heavily will push her to high levels of adoration for you. Make her feel special. Make her feel treasured. Because if you've gotten to this point with her, she should be to you anyway.

Further into the marriage, to keep things spicy she starts developing a taste for spanking. She loves it when you bend her over your knee and whack a palm off her beautiful ass.

Pregnancy kink. She loves the idea of you pumping her so full of love, full of your seed. You're her man / woman. Breed her. (Or pretend to)

100% she's a soft bottom.

Aftercare

Don't expect any really as in her traditional mind you should be taking care of her.

She caters and takes care of you every single day with meals, chores, cleaning etc. So this is the time you can return the favour with massages, food etc.

[zerolune]

Riize Added Members

↳ ❝ [Momento Memory] ¡! ❞ - PROFILES

Disclaimer: In no ways do I ship any idols, all these face claims are merely for visual aesthetics/appeal- don't relate them to real life, especially because in the future chapters love will be a prominent theme.

-*mentions of death,

-*I have researched about ASD for one of my ocs, but if you find something doesn't seem right, feel free to share it with me.

: ̗̀➛ Next , Masterlist

↳ ༉‧₊ Meet the girls ---

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒ 5th July, 1999, Seoul-South Korea

Main vocalist/Leader

Face claim: Fromis_9 Chaeyoung

Starting college is never easy, but starting med school at 14 as a child prodigy wasn't the best experience. Burning herself out, finishing a 6 year degree in 4, starting residency, only to realise and remember her true love, her true passion- music. Yet, she is always reminded and pained whether she was right to be selfish and not decide to save the lives of people anymore.

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒15th October, 2001, Osaka-Japan

Main Dancer/Sub Vocalist

Face claim: Hirate Yurina

Dance was engraved in her DNA the second she was born, as her parents ran their own dance studio. At 16, she debuted in a mixed Jpop group that was quite famous until 2020, when it suddenly faced disbandment. Finally, it was fate that brought her to Korea as a choreographer, yet there's not a second when she doesn't wanna go back, and escape the monstrosities- that's why she always stays in the dorm- giving herself a false sense of "home".

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒2nd February 2002, Busan-South Korea

Centre/Composer

Face Claim: Aespa Karina

Losing her parents at 14 was not her plan when she was a trainee- on her track to debut. But in between taking care of her younger twin siblings and facing her evil aunt- there wasn't much. Except composing songs under an alias since 2018, and of course getting her debut delayed again and again by her company. This always made her feel as if she wasted her time in music.

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒23rd December 2003, Seoul-South Korea

Main Rapper/sub dancer

Face claim: Itzy Yuna

Modeling since the age of 11 not only gave her the confidence of life, but also trauma for life. Entered SM in the hopes of becoming a musician but remembering that her deaf parents couldn't ever hear her sing, she took up modeling when given the chance. Of course she was successful, but she knew the runway wasn't going to be her whole life.

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒29th May 2004, Jersey City-USA

Unofficial Visual/Vocalist

Face claim: New jeans Minji

Her parents found out about her autism when she didn't learn to speak until the age of 5, and always having a rather coldness towards socialising. But her guitar? Her paintbrush? They were the love of her life. Moving to Korea was a scary decision, especially with ASD, but with her grandma's forever welcoming home and her supportive therapist, being a trainee in a country she couldn't call "home" per se, it wasn't so difficult.

.....

... "=⌕ / / · Profiles Loaded ●○●○●"

[mordeiswrld]

“Im drained...im unmotivated...im tired...im done. So many hurtful things have been said to me by the ones who were supposed to care for me...i still rememeber it, and some of it still goes on. Why do I remember the things that hurt me...?”

“Wear some makeup maybe that’ll make it better” -because i wouldnt smile for a picture i didnt wanna be in

“She’s a grown woman she knows what she’s doing”- my great grabdmother & mom when i got mad about my siblings (1-2 and 6-7 years old) being out without me and with my grandma who hasnt had a baby in over a decade

“You need to stop dressing that way”- my great grandma when i showed up to my her house in an oversized sweater

“Your too young”- my mom when i told her i wanted a binder and that i was a boy at 11-12 years old

“ive always wanted a boy”- my mom. Then she got what she wanted and started being ‘better’ as if she couldn’t do that with her 1st 2 kids

“Yeah mhm, or girl what?😒”-my mom, dismissing me whenever i try to tell her something im happy about

“You need to start talking to your grandparents”- my mom everytime i ask her for something, now im scared to ask since everything i ask for is “too much” even though she buys herself stuff everyday

“Ill talk to him”- my mom whenever me and my dad get into our fights...it never gets better and she never talks to him and always takes his side

“Shut the fuck up”- my dad whenever i try to explain something to him even if it’s not that serious(its never that serious)

“Stop being selfish”- my dad whenever i say no to my siblings using my stuff that is strictly MINE and that i dont have to share if i dont want to

“Watch your brother” my dad almost all the time everyday and they’ll just be lying around doing nothing with the excuse of ‘i work i need a break’ you dont need a break all damn week while i have to go to school and handle your wild 3 year old while your in your mid 30s

“Sounds like a personal problem” my mom whenever i tell her that I genuinely can't handle my siblings and am on the verge of snapping (violently)

“Maybe if you had a bedtime then yknow...i dont wanna have to say it”- my mom around her friend talking about my low grade in a class and thinking its bc of electronics when in reality my mental health is in hell and ive been crying more than usual and i dont have the motivation to keep pushing on anymore, but she thinks im up at 12:30 bc of a phone...

“Congratulations”- my mom when i show her my all As. But won’t be as nice and be a bit irritated that i got a low C in something she knows I struggle in

“I'm so proud of you”- my dad hugging me for the straight As. He doesnt hug me ever and he never says those words to me. Not even when its a minor accomplishment

“Has your father ever told you he loves you?” my mom years ago in a random parking lot that got me realizing last week that he never says he loves me willingly, he has to be forced

“I'm obligated to be there” my grandfather after getting married and never calling us to see how we are

“Your ___ eye is bigger than your ___” my friend. I always liked my eyes growing up...not anymore

“She ugly as hell” my 9th grade classmate he just says it whenever he can. I dont even have to be talking to him

It’s getting worse day by day...nothing i do is enough...im tired..

admin zjay

[fleshinsomniac]

i may die without a moment's notice: that fact has stuck. more so than any other fact, more than "make sure to tie your shoes," or "the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step," or "the ocean cares not for your interpersonal relationship issues." i will die. i say it too often to myself ( especially when i refuse to take that single step or tie my shoes). sometimes, it's a mantra, others a threat. most days, it's a promise. the days the promise falters as more minutes pass. minutes devoted entirely to existence, undisturbed by thought, immersed purely in velveteen reality, the days where sensation is itself, without name or explanation. there, immortality has found me and pulled me in all directions. she has made me her own and calls me herself; my arms hold every expansive inch. the colors absolve me from delineation; the fat green heads of flower buds threaten to rupture into pastel perfume under the climbing sun. eagles glide on gilded wings, caressing currents, pirouetting silent updrafts. the sky swallows the whole earth; i feel cerulean extending past the jagged horizon, seeing far yet not forever. my eyes capture a fraction's breath.

i have started to live. i cannot regret the years of slumber nor the years spent haplessly scrolling through digital depths; i don't have time. houses litter the foothills, dotting the landscape with inorganic shapes. the snowy peaks quietly loom, looking towards forever blue. there isn't one moment to pin down because as soon as you think you've got it, the wildflowers have burst and wilted, and the naked arms of trees once flushed with early pink now cast cool shadows across the meandering city grids.

it's only october. it's only my 279th month on this earth, 23 years of however many have yet to grace this body. i can't choke now; time passing is neither a threat nor a promise. it's a symptom of life. i run, time passes, and i'm there five minutes early. i walk, i sleep past 11, and noon comes anyway without warning. i want to live. i am going to die. this is my only inevitable fate.

let me kiss this side of my coin before i turn it over.

i have been a liar, telling others to live fully while i've been hopelessly addicted to distractions, ones crafted so finely they convince you otherwise. this addiction began outside of my body, in stark, sterile board meetings over how to steal and sell the time of a captive audience. In short, i've abandoned instagram for the time being. terribly dramatic, i am aware.

maybe it is selfish, but as i have a self, i let that be my crime. this soul requires mending- mending i cannot do while distracted over the latest whatever-the-fuck-nonsense is being sold as important this time around (e.g., stanley mugs. exorbitant skincare routines with false promises of immortality, yet another diet that literally kills you, but what does it matter? you will look hot for two weeks before you start dying)

selfishly, i want to make art. i want to make good art. art that feeds the soul strips back the miasma of distraction and reveals a part shining of our collective soul. i can't do that when i am distracted; i can't do that with the inundation of advertisements for the latest thing destined for the landfill. it's so simple, so profoundly simple, that one can walk all over it and not even realize it's stuck in their shoes. real life is not on the phone. the phone is a funhouse mirror of algorithmic projections, a mix between a silver plate and a silver screen. the phone is a part of real life, yet it does not accurately represent its totality.

on my phone, drowning in that swarming sea of 0's and 1's, i am lost to everything and nothing. every thought, word, opinion, and image is shoved into a crowded mind. the screen shines into my unwavering stare, innocence severed by greed, bodies of those who never asked for the cruelty they received, not in this lifetime, not in another. in ten minutes, i see the whole face of evil; i am shown the weight of suffering and told that i can do nothing about it. and then i scroll, i scroll and scroll, soullessly sifting through over-exhausted opinions, pretending that this a hopeless task. it feels particularly insidious for these devices to sell themselves to us, to trick us into believing that life is something to be bought and sold- that experience must be strained and curated for consumption. how cruel to trick audiences who are capable of significant change into believing that they are hopeless, sniveling, pathetic souls, only capable of sitting, watching with open drooling mouths as the world appears to burn around them. and then back into the void they scream, complaining of their discomfort to a void which cares only to be fed, worshiping the gods of a zero-sum game who only wish to take.

outside, all kinds of strange and delightful people go past on foot, skateboard, or bike. a man with bright green shoes takes his fourth lap around the park's looping paths while talking on his phone. it must be with a friend, as his face shines alongside the sun. the trees in the park's center catch light in silvery hues, their branches decorated in the emerald lace of moss and ferns. all the people passing this great window as i write each are headed to a destination unbeknownst to me. in their packs, bags, and purses, they carry handfuls of wishes and dreams; they cart around regrets and hopes, and they tote their feelings on their faces. above the people, above the trees, and the birds, wrapping clouds haze lazily in ribbons and trails across bright blue. above us all, not a comforting quilt but endless forever, holding our shaking bodies.

the harshest part of the online world is the simulation of connection. i see people dancing; i cannot dance alongside them. people eat food i cannot taste, cannot smell. i am shown a world i cannot see. an endless stream of potential desires, the amount which is impossible to fulfill. on the flickering screen are hands i cannot hold, fears i cannot comfort, and tears i cannot wipe. what is this body for if it can't experience the world? isnt this sensitivity a receptor for sensation? images upon images pollute the imagination, and endless streams of information wear away the soft viscera of the soul, making for a cynical and jaded people.

[novashelby]

Nova!!!!!!!!!! Evie related question: did Evie’s grandparents tried to get her back from Tommy when they learned he had adopted her? What did Tommy do?

Another question: would Evie still sneak in Tommy’s bed (not in a weird way) when she couldn’t sleep when she was a teenager??? 🥰

I LOVE EVIE RELATED QUESTIONS so thank you! haha

So, funny thing about her grandparents, they are actually really well off. Her grandma is an art collector/dealer. And her grandda was a Doctorate Professor at Harvard. His field is archeology and anthropology. Both come from Ireland, and ironically, are extremely pro-Irish. They've given money to the IRA. In regards to Evie, she has some memory of them and they were so loving of her. Actually, they begged Cindy(her mother) to let Evie stay with them. But Cindy has so many mental health problems; OCD, BP1, BPD, and Narcissism personality disorder. Her grandparents did EVERYTHING for Cindy, but Cindy would just be off and on, and reckless. So, they got really drained from it. Since they are Irish, they heard through the grapevines that Tommy Shelby adopted her. They never wanted to get her back because they knew she was so loved and taken care of when they went to Birmingham. It wasn't Tommy, however. It was Polly. Evie was about 16 at the time and she was at school. Polly told them all about her and gave them a school portrait from when she was 11 and an old drawing. Polly never told Tommy or Evie. But they were so fucking happy for her, and even though they were sad about not being able to see her, they understood completely. In a way, they felt they had other grandchildren and to take Evie back would have been selfish. (They had three kids: Robert, Laura, and Cindy). Cindy is 100% estranged from the family. She really chose her life because there was no reason for her to prostitute herself.

2. So, she did it regularly until about 11. But every once in awhile, she'd climb into bed with him after that but it tethered off around 12. Grace when they got married, got really strict about that. She adored Evie, but she felt uncomfortable sometimes by their relationship. Evie is a cuddler. But not just with Tommy. It wasn't unusual for Evie to cuddle in his lap even well into her 20's. However, she'd also cuddle everyone else; Finn, Polly, Ada, Charlie, Ruby, John, Arthur, her best friend Martha... She'd only climb into his bed as a teenager if something was wrong. (TW: SA) She was severely sexually assaulted at a house party when she was 16. Sadly it was her second time. Her first time, she went over to Anna's home(girl from school). The girls were having a sleepover. Evie was taking a shower. Normally houses only had baths, but Anna's family was well off. While in the shower, the girls thought it was funny to take her clothing and towel, hiding it. When Evie got out of the shower, she had to run to the bedroom where a group of older boys were. When she tried to get out, Anna and her two friends held the door. After they roughed her up, they laughed and Evie called home to get picked up. So around that time, she hated sleeping alone. She'd actually often cuddle with Finn if he was around.

BUT thank you so much for asking questions. Come back again. :) and feel free to spam me. This is Evie's month.

[nothoughtsonlynat]

Cold Vodka, Warm Hands (N.R.)

Words: 1.6k

The icy wind whipped across my face as I peered through the scope. The frigid metal of the Barrett M82A1 felt comforting in my hands. The cold never bothered me, of course. Due to my pyrokinesis, I had complete control over my own body temperature.

There wasn’t a sound for miles and, somehow, it was both peaceful and unnerving. The snow crunched with any and all movement, so we were staying unbearably still. I slowly scanned the abandoned factory for our target; a Russian arms dealer who was planning on stealing some alien tech and selling it for profit. We were about 1,500 yards from the factory. There’s not much cover out here, so our choice of positions was very limited. The shot would be a difficult one, with the distance and the crosswinds, but this is my specialty. Well, it used to be, before I discovered my ability to manipulate heat and fire. I’m one of SHIELD’s best sharpshooters.

As I checked once more for the target, a chattering noise distracted me from my task. I pulled my face away from my rifle to look at my partner, who was laying next to me, prepared to range the target and gauge the wind. Her lips were turning a shade of purple, and her teeth were chattering from the cold.

“Are you okay, Agent Romanoff?”

“Mhm.”

“Sure. Aren’t you Russian?” She leveled me with a hard glare and I slightly raised my hands in the air and went back to my task.

I noticed some movement through the scope. “Target, 11 o’clock.” 

“Oblique wind from the left, 8 miles per hour,” she called out.

I adjusted the scope accordingly and took the shot. Clean kill. No witnesses. Objective complete. I quickly unloaded the rifle and slung it over my shoulder as Agent Romanoff packed up. To say I was relieved the mission was over would be an understatement; this woman is practically a walking gay panic, and the mission had done nothing to help with my not-so-small crush on her. I risked a glance at her as we walked side by side. She looked freezing. Her right hand was in her pocket, but her left was exposed since one of her holsters blocked the left pocket.

“Is there any particular reason you’re staring at me, Agent y/l/n?” Shit.

“Oh, I- uh, I- um, can I hold your hand?” Her head snapped around to look at me as I realized what I said. “I just mean that, um, you look really cold and I can, you know, warm up your hand, at the very least. With my p-powers.” She didn’t say anything as she blankly stared at me, and I was worried that I had crossed a line until she abruptly stuck out her hand. I stared at the appendage for a second before realizing what she meant. I grabbed her hand in mine and focused on my powers, being careful to not let my hand get too hot.

We walked hand-in-hand the whole way to the safehouse. I could hear her sniffle every once in a while, but I didn’t say anything out of fear of getting punched. As we entered the safehouse, I realized it was more of a shack than anything. The walls were plywood and the whole thing was only one room. The kitchen area had a couple of cabinets and a small gas stove, and there was only one fairly small bed, as well as a small fireplace.

“Huh. This is…”

“Horrible. This is really horrible,” she finished for me. I couldn’t help but notice how nasally her voice sounded. 

I slid the bags off her shoulders and set them down next to mine. She sent me a questioning look as I walked her to the edge of the bed and sat her down. I said nothing as I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Sit here. Don’t move. Please.”

I walked around the room, lighting the oil lanterns. I grabbed some firewood from the pile and stacked it in the fireplace, using my powers to light a fire. I went into the ‘kitchen’ and rummaged through the cupboards. I heated a can of soup in my hands and poured it into a bowl. I found some teabags and heated some water the same way, since it was faster.

I brought the tea and soup over to Natasha, placing them on the stand next to the bed. She made no move to grab either item, too busy looking at me with a bewildered expression.

“What? You need to warm up. You’re already getting sick.”

“Why are you taking care of me?” She asked as I helped her move up against the headboard and under the covers.

I handed her the soup and said, “Well, you’re my partner— on the mission, I mean. It’s my job to protect you...on the mission.”

She hummed and I left to hang up our clothes to dry. I grabbed the second bowl of soup and sat in the bed next to her, as far away as physically possible.

“I don’t bite, you know. You can sit closer. You’re gonna fall off the bed,” she said amusedly.

“Right, sorry. Just didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“I’m perfectly comfortable, minus the fact that it’s still freezing in here.”

After we finished our soup, we went to bed since there was nothing else for us to do. I was woken up in the middle of the night by Natasha’s fit of sneezing and coughing. I sat up and patted her back as she coughed. That sounded painful. I got out of bed and brought her a roll of toilet paper since there were no tissues. I made her another cup of tea before getting back in bed. I could see her shivering as she sipped the hot beverage, and I had an internal debate with myself. Before I could chicken out, I slid closer to her and wrapped my arms around her, focusing on my powers.

“What are you doing?” She asked through her chattering teeth.

“Warming you up,” I replied simply.

“You’re gonna get sick.”

“I’m not gonna get sick, you baby. Just let me hold you.” She stopped protesting after that and continued drinking her tea. Once she was done, she set it on the stand. She snuggled further into my arms and we moved to lay down. I felt her breathing even out as her muscles relaxed. I fought off the exhaustion; if I fell asleep, my body would return to its normal temperature. I tried not to freak out at the feeling of having in her arms, knowing that after this mission, we’d go back to being just teammates.

Morning rolled around and I watched the sky lighten through the only window in the safe house. I hadn’t left the bed all night, aside from the two times I added wood to the fire. As the sun peaked over the horizon, Natasha stirred in my arms.

“Morning,” she rasped out. Oh my god, her morning voice is gonna be the death of me.

“Uh, morning,” I replied, clearing my throat. She sat up and looked over my face, suddenly making me very self-conscious.

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Uh, no, not really. I stayed awake to keep my body warm for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that, y/n.”

“No, it’s— I didn’t mind. Do you feel any better?”

“Well, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. It’s still cold as hell, though. You know what I really need?”

“What?”

“Some nice, cold vodka,” she said with a small, genuine smile.

“Oh! I have some of that!”

“You brought vodka on a mission?” She raised an eyebrow as her lips curved into a smirk.

“Yes— no, well, kind of. I bought it on the way here. Nothing like Russian vodka, right?”

I walked over to my duffel bag and pulled out the bottle of vodka. I grabbed two mugs from the kitchen, as well as a package of crackers. I slid back into the bed and she raised an eyebrow at the crackers.

“What? I’m not letting you drink vodka on an empty stomach. I don’t wanna get puked on,” I said with a joking grimace, although I really didn’t want to get puked on. 

She laughed as she poured some vodka into the mugs. I opened the crackers and set the package on the bed, and she handed me one of the mugs.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” I said, then we clinked the mugs together and I grimaced at the burn.

“Ugh, why does it have to be so cold? Can we just stay in bed?” That is definitely the closest Natasha Romanoff has ever gotten to whining, and it was adorable.

“Well, our extraction isn’t until this afternoon, so yeah, for a while.” She pushed herself back into my body, and I wrapped my arms around her after recovering from the brief shock.

Three hours later, we were packing up and getting ready to hike to the extraction point. I put out all of the lanterns before leaving the safe house. Natasha stuck out her hand and I wrapped it in mine without hesitation. It wasn’t all that cold out anymore, but I didn’t say anything about it. We made it to the extraction point in about thirty minutes, her hand never dropping mine. The SHIELD jet came into view and landed in the clearing in front of us. I couldn’t stop the twinge of sadness at the fact that we were leaving. It was selfish, but I loved taking care of Natasha these past two days.

As the gate of the jet dropped, Natasha spoke in a sultry voice, “Thank you, Y/N, for keeping me warm.” She kissed my crimson cheek before sauntering onto the jet. I snapped out of my daze and followed her, trying and failing to keep my composure.

[luvfae]

FAE’S DIALOGUE

PROMPTS

[1000 followers gift]

disclaimer: any writers who would like to use my prompts list is more than welcome, please just give credit! <3

please state the category in which your prompt is in and the number of the prompt you want in your request. you can include multiple prompts from different categories of your choosing. you can go into detail with what you want or just request prompts you like and let me use my imagination to create something! here’s a few examples for those struggling:

• can i get 30 from comedy & 21 from romance where reader helps clean rue up after she has an accident on her bike

• maddy, 11 & 34 from angst

• jules smut, 12 from romance, 50 from nsfw & 7 from comedy

my scenario prompts

🪁 — COMEDY PROMPTS

“…so, is that a yes?”

“don’t quit your day job.”

“It’s too early for this.”

“this isn’t a date, okay?”

“this is the first and last time we’ll ever do this.”

“she’s convinced herself that she’s the main character and the rest of us are just extras.”

“this can’t be happening right now.”

“i can’t deal with this right now, my schedule is already full.”

“do i get bonus points for acting like i care?”

“do you try to piss me off on purpose?”

“that never happened, okay?”

“promise me you’ll keep this to yourself.”

“just take a deep breath or something.”

“did you just lick me?”

“you don’t understand, i’m obsessed.”

“i told you to distract her, not feel her up!”

“i’m allowed to make fun of him because he’s a dick.”

“play with my hair, it’ll help.”

“what the hell is that?”

“it’s your fault for expecting me to take this seriously.”

“a coffee might help.”

“keep your good morals away from me.”

“i’m too high to be having this conversation with you right now.”

“excuse me, i have a scene to cause.”

“i can see your mouth moving but i can’t comprehend a word your saying.”

“if you ran like your mouth, then you’d be in good shape.”

“how the fuck did you get that in here without being caught?”

“if you can’t live without me, then die.”

“you’re definitely not the brains of this friendship.”

“you can’t convince me that you’re okay when you’re fucking bleeding.”

“well? say something, my ego cant feed itself.”

“did they ask about me?”

“at least take me to dinner first.”

“tell anyone about this and i will ruin your life.”

“is that allowed?”

“are you even listening?”

“why is it your life mission to ruin my day?”

“my bad, my brain isn’t good at processing stupidity.”

“why did i agree to this?”

“i am fully convinced that you never graduated kindergarten.”

“i need a fucking xanax.”

“this kinda complicates things.”

“this isn’t funny, stop laughing!”

“my life is a joke.”

“can you please panic quieter?”

“ask me when i’m sober.”

“this might be controversial but i think that went well.”

“i leave you alone for five minutes and this happens?”

“tell them how you screwed up.”

“well that wasn’t on todays agenda.”

💙 — ROMANCE PROMPTS

“you know i love you, right?”

“to me you’ve always been perfect.”

“you’ve got to be the prettiest person i’ve ever seen.”

“sorry for staring, you’re just so beautiful.”

“i’d do anything for you, you know that.”

“let me take you on a date, just one and i’ll change your mind.”

“love is supposed to be scary.”

“say the word and i’m yours.”

“can you please hold me?”

“how did i get so lucky?”

“call me selfish but i don’t care about anyone but you.”

“can i kiss you?”

“you look handsome.”

“goodnight babe, sweet dreams.”

“it’s always gunna be you.”

“you are my love.”

“i’ll marry you one day, that’s a promise.”

“you’re lucky i love you.”

“i’ll always fight for you.”

“can i borrow this sweater? i like it, it smells like you.”

“you look beautiful in this light.”

“just talk to her already instead of gawking over her like a creep!”

“you’re sleeping with me tonight.”

“you’re always on my mind.”

“i knew you were the one.”

“i think i’m in love with him.”

���i think we’re soulmates.”

“i don’t know what i’d do without her.”

“is this what love feels like?”

“i’m not leaving without you.”

“promise me this is forever.”

“do you remember how we first met?”

“we’re in this together babe.”

“i’m so in love with you even the thought of losing you makes me feel sick.”

“you’re the one leaving love notes in my locker!?”

“i just wanna be his.”

“you still haven’t asked me on a date.”

“you’re so in love with her… it’s cute.”

“i think you’re my favourite person.”

“you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“you’re so perfect and i’m so fucking lucky.”

“she makes me feel alive.”

“just hold my hand for a bit.”

“your lips are so soft, i could kiss them all day.”

“i’ll always protect you.”

“i love you a lot more than you believe.”

“be honest with me, what are we?”

“you are the most adorable human on this planet.”

“i wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

“you saved my life without even meaning too.”

🫐 — ANGST PROMPTS

“he’s a better person than i’ll ever be.”

“it’s dangerous when you have something worth losing.”

“tell me honestly, do you love her?”

“i’d rather die as i am than live a single day as who you want me to be.”

“don’t make me choose because i’ll choose her… it’ll always be her, i’m sorry.”

“it wasn’t supposed to end this way.”

“do you wish i was more like her?”

“i didn’t realise i was such an inconvenience.”

“i’m terrified that one day we’ll say our last goodbye.”

“i’m sorry, i don’t remember you.”

“are you ashamed of me?”

“i see the way you look at her.”

“you want me to be honest? fine, i lied.”

“you’re just so fucking boring.”

“am i not important to you anymore?”

“i never loved you, you just believed me because you’re a fucking idiot.”

“you’re not sorry.”

“please stop crying.”

“don’t raise your voice at me!”

“if you love me so much how could you hurt me so easily?”

“honestly, i never had feelings for you.”

“how many times do i have to forgive you?!”

“all you do is hurt me!”

“do you ever miss us?”

“i trusted you!”

“don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“please don’t hang up.”

“i can’t do this anymore.”

“do you think about him when you’re with me?”

“i hate that i love you.”

“can’t you just pretend to care?”

“i know i promised to never hurt you but…”

“are you seriously that gullible? why would he ever like someone like you?”

“i don’t think i’ll ever move on from you.”

“i ruined myself for you.”

“i never said i don’t think about you.”

“you don’t expect me to just let you go, do you?”

“why did you make me love you if you were always planning on leaving?”

“why would anyone wanna be me?”

“why would anyone wanna be you?”

“leave me the fuck alone.”

“everything i’ve done for you and this is what i get in return?”

“if we don’t meet again just remember that i love you.”

“me and you, where over.”

“why doesn’t anyone care about me?”

“i don’t have anyone else.”

“stay out of my life, forever.”

“was she worth it?”

“i just feel like my life isn’t even worth living anymore.”

“did i ever really matter to you?”



🦋 — NSFW PROMPTS

“i’d fuck you every day if you let me.”

“i don’t care about me, just wanna make you feel good.”

“wanna have sex in the shower?”

“you fuck me so much better than him.”

“sorry? weren’t you begging me to fuck you only a few days ago?”

“do you like watching me touch myself?”

“the things i would give to fuck you.”

“bet that boyfriend/girlfriend of yours doesn’t fuck you as good as i do.”

“please cum inside of me.”

“my pussy is so wet for you.”

“please? i’ll even suck your dick to say thanks.”

“you look so good on your knees.”

“fuck, you’re so tight.”

“aren’t you gunna fuck me?”

“tell me how good my dick feels inside of you.”

“you always take it like a good girl.”

“does your girlfriend know that i’m riding your dick right now?”

“i fucked her on his birthday.”

“i need you to cum, please?”

“i don’t care about small talk, can we just skip to the part where we fuck?”

“i don’t care if we get caught, please just fuck me.”

“you like it when i fuck you like this?”

“imagine what your friends would think of you if they knew how much you loved getting fucked by me.”

“you wanna have sex here?!”

“you like it when i touch you like this?”

“is this what you wanted? you’re such a slut.”

“you have to be quiet, okay?”

“this pussy belongs to me.”

“you’d look so hot with my cock down your throat.”

“tell me about all the dirty things you want to do to me.”

“everything you do turns me on.”

“you can cum anywhere you want.”

“just fucking eat me out already.”

“you’re already so wet and i haven’t even touched you.”

“i’m the one who gave you a boner, it’s only fair if i’m the one to relieve you.”

“i’ve never wanted anyone to fuck me so badly.”

“once i’m done with you you’re gunna be begging for more.”

“shut up and give me head.”

“i’m gunna fuck you so good.”

“i dreamed about your legs wrapped around my head last night.”

“you can either watch me play with myself or you can come fuck me, your choice.”

“do you have a boner right now?”

“i didn’t think you’d be small, but i didn’t expect you to be this big.”

“i want you to fuck me until i can’t walk.”

“i’ll fuck you right here, right now, try me.”

“we’ve been best friends for years now, surly you’ve had a wet dream about me at least once.”

“the quiet girls are always the nastiest.”

“your boyfriend came inside of me last night.”

“i came inside of your girlfriend last night.”

“do you want me to fuck you while everyone’s watching?”

© luvfae 2022

[gashinabts]

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties. 

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him. 

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later  they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex. 

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag. 

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin. 

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung. 

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes. 

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach. 

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out. 

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?” 

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin. 

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic. 

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts. 

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?” 

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor. 

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you. 

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.” 

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?” 

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.” 

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you. 

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table. 

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?” 

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?” 

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes. 

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet. 

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…” 

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards. 

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes. 

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?” 

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door. 

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back. 

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water. 

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes. 

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago. 

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

 You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it. 

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.  

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him. 

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers. 

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair. 

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work. 

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back. 

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you. 

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace.  “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head. 

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you. 

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!” 

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help. 

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties. 

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close  relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation. 

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?” 

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary. 

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay.  “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away. 

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument. 

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry. 

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs. 

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.” 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug. 

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car. 

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination. 

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-” 

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child. 

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them. 

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.