#just need to isolate myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
is everything okay? you're offline for so long
i don't really have the will to live anymore
#i'm just answering this to let you all know that i'm gonna be offline for a while now#just need to isolate myself#whatever you all say it doesn't matter cause i'll always feel like the biggest failure and nothing's gonna change that#i'm sorry#i just can't do this anymore i'm sorry#i saved every letter you wrote me*
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
reminder that making time for your friends, even when you're tried and socialising feels overwhelming is important to do every so often. it's especially important to do this actually.
time alone can be good, for a time, but humans are social creatures and we need to talk to people, there's nothing wrong with that!!
sometimes the more time you spend alone the more your brain will tell you to stay alone. that's not true, you're allowed to (and should!!) see people that are important to you. sometimes that alone can be surprisingly healing.
#hello again!!#ive been in a bit of a SLUMP and started isolating myself but i just visited a friend and saw a show they worked on#and then stopped at a cute little coffee shop on the way home and seeing people being kind to each other and my best friend#was exactly what i needed!! truth be told i secretly hoped this trip would get cancelled somehow but im so so glad it didn't!#feeling very much in love with the world again <333#reminders#social anxiety#love letters to you
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Judging from these panels, would it mean that there's no other yorishima exorcist that's still alive (since natori said that the yorishima family "was once" a big name, past tense) in the canon timeline, and that the yorishima we know probably ended his family's exorcism business for good by retiring himself? If so, was the reason tied to the youkai living in his left arm, or is there another cause? And when exactly did he retire— was it before or during seiji and shuuichi's high school days, which was why his left arm appeared with the thick bandages when he gave them the loquats in the anime, but he still lived in the estate during that time, or was it after the two became legal adults, which lined up somewhat with him moving into his forest home, abandoning his family estate in favor of living in isolation?
And, speaking of retirement, I wonder if we'll ever know why midorikawa told us that the takis were "famous" (which presumedly meant they were strong enough to be well-known) as occult diviners, since tooru herself only ever mentioned what their previous family business entails, and never about their status in the exorcism community? We don't really need this extra bit if she wanted to further establish how tooru has an aptitude for spell-casting, either. Again, there's another "strong" family (whose members are still alive in canon) that went into retirement, but did the taki family lost their power because the ability to see (if they were needed for diviners) disappeared for at least the last three generations (if we assumed that tooru and isamu's parents couldn't see youkai too), or was it due to another reason? How close was shinichiro (tooru and isamu's grandpa) to the matobas that even the current clan head came to pay his respects during his sixth death anniversary; was his relationship with seiji's father strictly resolved around exorcism business, or was anything else involved? Does tooru herself doesn't fully understand the prowess her family once had, hence why seiji was the one who told takashi (and us readers) about it? What would this tiny bit of lore mean for tooru with it revealed this late into the manga, when tooru herself only talked sparsely about her ancestors in previous chapters?
#i know that lore and power systems aren't the main points of natsuyuu but i am one overly-curious human being who is attracted to them 😭#i'm probably reaching with all of these questions that will likely have little answers in the future but still they plague me during reread#like. where are yorishima's relatives. what happened to this family that they all vacated their main estate. is the yorishima we know the#only one left alive hence why he can swiftly make the call to end his family business and hide in isolation within the safety of his forest#are the matobas and takis close enough that seiji likely visited for shinichiro's previous death anniversaries too?#why would the matobas still maintain a “dead relationship” since both seiji's dad and shinichiro has long passed away in canon while tooru#likely has minimal grasp on the divination stuff if they ever needed to use them? how did these two families know e/o in the first place?#i'm forcing myself to stop yapping now or else the whole tags of this post will be filled with unanswered questions lmao 😭🤚#feel free to interact if this interests you too... i just have too many questions each time i reread any lore-packed chapter so... voila!#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natsume's book of friends#natsume takashi#yorishima#natori shuuichi#taki tooru#matoba seiji#taki shinichiro#natsuyuu manga
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’ve made it a habit to post something right before i go to sleep 🤨
for tonight i am saying these guys got freaky before erik tried to kill his sister
thank you and goodnight.
#i’m gonna count how many posts i’ve made in these last two weeks#probably a lot i dont shut up#not a bad thing though i need somewhere to share my opinions on gay mutants#i was socially isolated in the last fandom i was in#lol#anyway dofp charles being an angry top#i need more fics where charles is the top honestly#theres still a few but still 😔#or at least let them be switches#kinda nsft but sometimes magneto needs to be fucked into oblivion just saying#he needs to stop spreading his seed everywhere let him do the heavy lifting#i hope people agree with me on this 😔#i dont actually need anyones approval to be happy but its still cool having people agree with you#I KEEP DOING THIS#cant let myself wallow in self pity apparently 🤨#i love myself i’m pretty cool#being depressed and having a high self esteem sure is a weird combo#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#good day to the people who like my posts while i sleep#wish does not shut up
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about the jimmy scar pearl venn diagram and absolutely just disintegrating over it
#(obligatory: as characters)#was extensively rambling to myself in discord when i realized the lifers who anguish me most narratively are those three#(out of the ones that i am familiar with anyways)#thinking about this more and getting so inconsolably sad. hey guys does the loneliness ever eat you alive#the ostracization the isolation the shame the guilt the desperate continual want & desire for genuine human connection#only to be categorically denied it at every turn#to be mocked because you cannot fly though you desperately try. and you fall each and every single time#to be so easily discarded because you will always die first. a truth so widely accepted you almost start to believe in it too#because being a ''good person'' just simply isn't how you play this game#because it's a fundamental truth of this world that you always play the role of the villain. why start acting differently now?#you were left behind and abandoned and locked up. thrown inside that tower to rot.#your hair will never be long enough to let down so you cut it all off. and when you start yelling & screaming & drawing blood because of it#it only further convinces everyone else that this was the right decision#because you're a danger. a menace. a demon. and you will only ever hurt the ones you love#Hey. Hi. Hello#Hey guys. i need jimmy to win so so so so so so badly
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
in the backs of my eyes, light does not reach. black and white, monochrome stars, inky null and blinding full. others dream, and my thoughtlessness seeks. though i cannot see, and though i cannot breathe in every moment my eyes breach free- i dream. not for grandeur, not for fillment, i dream of nothing but hope. for days where i could, for the days i would dream. sitting in the back seat. squalid radio turned to rage. looking at her shoulder’s locks, dreaming of the cage. taken to my first bar, shown my first rave not forgotten, not forsaken, the only love i will take to my grave. cigarettes and mud, alleys and grunge all i wanted was saving. gone so far, seeded so deep, until it whittled into camaraderie. when the shows over, she’d take me home and leave me in her bed. that night i would be cherished, and that morning we'd be fed. i see their faces in my dreams, as every possibility, every tangle, every thread, every filament held together. like a bastion of memory, creating false to fill the empty. to grant hope to a greyscale null. * * starlight ash, the null of the void, the hopes of a begotten child. is there anything to hear, when the screams are of fear, or choking of brittle and tears? his hopes were so mild, his rage was unbridled, how could she be any different? feel her eyes shiver, feel her soul take, feel the ties of the poverished ingrate. your help cannot find it, your thoughts cannot find it, your hands cannot feel it, your heart cannot take it, your legs cannot shake it and your teeth cannot break it. in every part of you is her no matter how hard you fight it has been the end of her not of her blight. only of her light.
#im so tired. i want anyone to talk to or be with. ever. i miss being alive. i miss dreaming. i miss hoping. i miss having things to hope for#it doesnt have to be too late. so i try. but it always ends up feeling like it is. im so alone. so scared. i just need a way in. to life.#a way into a group. something other than this isolating pain.#this is the best way i could describe my feelings. esp since begging for attention doesnt work. but it isnt enough. i have so many dreams.#so many hopes i am forgetting every second. please. god i wish i could be normal and not have to beg or bare myself fully like this.#i honestly wish i could be more private but i need to beg. and idk how else to. im so desperate for any interaction god fuck i hate it here
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
#So. firstly. I need to inform y'all I -for the longest time and very early on- just convinced myself Snavid living with Kaz#in his isolated Alaskan cabin was 100% canon and I had no doubt whatsoever until I started seeing people writing posts like#“omg imagine they lived together bla bla bla” this year and I was like “🧍 wdym imagine isn't that factually canon” (no it isn't)#Secondly. just making sure. this isn't solimiller. Kaz's his sort-of-step-dad to me -aside from his former teacher (master)- & nothing else#Just a (closest thing to a decent) fatherly figure he respects and values#That being said. This is what would've happened had Kaz not been killed in 2005#metal gear#metal gear solid#mgs#solid snake#kazuhira miller
43 notes
·
View notes
Note
tumblr kww fandom was formed seperately from most other social media corners of the fandom. and that leads to silly things like the commonly used name "kww collab" and kenfies vs kenifies. and probably more. cedar if theres any more im forgetting that u know of say them pls
(in response to this confession)
#confessions#series: kww collab#very true! i have not interacted w ANY other part of the fandom myself#but. it fascinates me deeply#i think that like. the kww collab fandom on tumblr is innately based off the original theorisers? maybe???#like. i was the one who came up w calling it kww collab bcs we needed a tag to group all our theories! thats the origin of the name!#ship name kenfies MIGHTT have come from this blog? i have a discord message of me coming up w it on jul 1 bcs there was a confession abtthe#and kenfies is what i went with. thats the best explanation i have (the funniest part is me not even shipping them)#(an alternative was wifen (as proposed by nia))#this fandom was just innately started differently and in isolation#and its really fucking interesting#tumblr users often not using any other social media plays into it too i think ?#but. yeah i cant think of any other examples that would showcase this difference bcs as mentioned i am just not on other places LMAO#ao3 ofen being heavily associated w tumblr as WELL AS saiint havng posted a Lot of kww fanfic is also the reson why kww collab is usedon ao#anyway yep you are right. i am deeply fascinated#yet another long ramble in the tags#(yk i just realised that this sounds like im tooting my own horn and trust me chat im not sorry if it came off that way sadfhslgk.#i just SOMEHOW was vaguely important in this fandom i guess)
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
shout out to little nightmares for teaching me how to draw things other than generic anime girls, ily little nightmares ^_^
#im srs with the caption tho i used to only draw generic anime girls before LN2 came out#tbh tho i was going through my gacha phase and a mha hyperfix then#not fun silly times#also yeah i have myself a VLN six design now!!#tbh ive always had i just barely draw her#pretty should be allowed to be besties with the main group#let them teach her the magic of friendship#she’s not mean she’s just lived an extremely isolated life she defo needs them#<— same w/ hunter considering how isolated the game implies him to be :(#i mean does he even go outside of the woods in canon at all??#at least he’s canonically touching grass ig#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#very little nightmares#little nightmares fanart#ln six#ln hunter#ln rk#ln pretender#ln rcg
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
What's this?!?!
A SECOND SUMMONER WITH A STEEL CHAIR?!?!??!??
BEHOLD. Summoner VickyT, Legendary Accountant, Avid Collector of Manga (unfortunately sparse to non-existent in Askr), and older sister of Moe!!!
When my sister @vickyt-mv / @sotiredmostnights made her design, I was EAGER. EAGER. To figure out how I'd draw her! And parse out the dynamic between her and Moe!!
Something really fun was getting them to look like siblings, when they look quite different! It's all in the face, I think! And... adding a little something, a personal touch... VickyT's halo cowlick ties into Moe's horns!
I also. Attempted Heel Math. The dreaded heel math.
But to be so real I may just go off of vibes. Just know that there are supposedly canon heights, here. These doodles are also to compare their outfits! Esp in how they match... Because. Well.
Universal constant, so it seems.....
That's all for now!!!!! I do have..... Lore...... extensive Lore......... but don't you worry about that. Yet.
#fire emblem#feh#summoner oc#YAAAAAYYYYY YIPPPEEEE YAAAAYYYYYYYY 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉#two of them... can you believe this.....#THE LORE. FIGURING OUT THE LORE WAS SO FUN. like first thought we have p dif tastes#so a lot of our fave charas actually don't overlap. alfonse is just a blorbo in law to her.#i barely do anything w anna. i appreciate her but i struggle to come up w lore for her. so. so. What If...#like the two of them could feasibly exist in the same askr.#but i am going to stop myself bc i would like to make a whole ass post about it. i just need to organize my thoughts#still i will say balancing The Themes. like the intense isolation of the summoner. SO FUNNY#how that theme just gets a boot to the head. but trust me it's still there and still prominent.#i just need to balance out The Timeline. so that everything falls into place as it should. for BOTH of them#that. will come later though. i promise. i swear...#vickyt tag#moe tag#sister lore#my art
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
"you are wrong for wanting this, it's not normal" <- and then this being a quiet Christmas 🧍♂️
#okay i guess#it's not like i don't wanna see my extended family I'm just glad I don't have to feel uncomfortable throughout the whole evening like usual#and bringing the therapist card about not isolating myself and socialising more..... low blow man. i know im kinda weird#there's no need to make me feel more like a freak#it's fine i don't care really <- guy who teared up a little for feeling wrong and inadequate#anywoops#no but is okay even if he wants it or not it's just us this christmas so yeah
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#sigh sigh sigh sigh#don't mind me I am. yet again. just needing an outlet#I just wish I could exist and interact with people in the way they deserve and the way I want to#for someone who desperately craves human connection I'm really fucking awful at maintaining it#oscilating between needing to isolate and hating myself for doing it because it's good for a moment and then just ends up feeling awful#I desperately need to change something and yet I don't know where to start and how to go about it#simon.out.#I keep thinking what changed and what's wrong and why things don't seem to be working anymore#I keep coming back to the incident on summer holiday but at the same time. who the fuck knows.#I don't feel like myself 70% of the time I'm out these days and come to think of it I really don't know who I even am or was or whatever#you know. your regular sunday thoughts i guess#silly tumblr reblogs please fucking safe me
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just want to be some guy
As a trans man, I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere in the lgbt+ community because I’ll never be attractive to anyone (which is why I ID as queer but even then I feel outcast) and it…. it really hurts sometimes. I’m simultaneously too masculine and not masculine enough.
in the men who are attracted to men spaces, most people when they see me think I’m a twink because of being short/small and/or for being trans/nonbinary. They think I’m hairless, feminine, boyish, submissive, etc. I’m…. at this point in my life I am really really not. Testosterone has made me male and everything that entails. I’ve gained (healthy! good for me!) weight and my stomach sticks out, I’m covered in body hair, I am partway to balding. All the things that are conventionally unattractive about men. All the things that are demonized in trans men. I’m too masculine to fit their idea of a nonbinary person. But masculine in “the wrong way”. I have to either be muscular/fit or small and hairless to be wanted here. I don’t even count as a bear, you’d probably just call my shape a “dad bod”. This isn’t just some vague feeling I get in these spaces- people have legit said to me “oh I love twinks” or “oh I love femboys” and I have to awkwardly explain that no I’m not one actually. I’m not what they want me to be. And I’m really tired of people placing that expectation on me- that I’m a slender hairless twink who is submissive and likes bottoming. Just because I’m small and/or trans. so gross.
and then in the women who are attracted to men spaces well… they’d never look twice at me. I’m short and not at all muscular/toned/fit. Again, I have gained weight, am hairy, and halfway to bald. Bedsides not being conventionally attractive- they usually want a man who can “provide”. I am disabled and can’t work. I can’t drive. I can’t give them flowers or pick them up for a date. I can’t be any of the things they’re looking for in a partner. Being disabled makes me seen as “less than”. Being dependent on other people is a trait that is endlessly mocked in men. I’m not masculine enough.
so where the fuck does that leave me? I’m not even going to talk about how being aromantic in queer spaces alienates me further. I love testosterone, I love what it’s done for me and how I feel healthier on it. But like. fuck. I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be attractive to anyone. I never get to feel pretty or handsome. I never get to feel happy about my appearance anymore and that makes me so sad. I used to derive so much joy from picking out outfits and accessorizing and applying glittery make up. I’m too sick to leave the house ever so I don’t do those things anymore, besides the fact that I *can’t* present feminine anymore without risking my safety. People would assume I’m a trans woman and act accordingly because they see a man attempting to be feminine. I am fully man and fully nonbinary, but I never get to exist as both at the same time. I can’t be feminine without people invalidating/forgetting my manhood. I can’t be masculine without people invalidating/forgetting my nonbinary-ness. I’m too masculine for nonbinary spaces and too nonbinary for masculine spaces. I just…….. I get incredibly sad about this.
And people generally don’t care??? the sentiment seems to be that trans men who are masculine, who pass, who are stealth, etc don’t belong in the lgbt+ community, shouldn’t be in lgbt+ or queer spaces. They’re not wanted there because of being masculine. These spaces are only for “non-men”. But the second you talk about your struggles as a trans man as a reason for why you should be included, you get pegged as an owo twink femboy to most people. It’s always one or the other (demonized or infantilized) and I’m really fucking sick of it. It hurts. I just want to be some guy.
#transmisandry#transandrophobia#trans masc#nonbinary#trans male#transgender#disability#fey talks#idk how to tag this at all#i hope this will resonate with some people#i've completely given up dating at this point although i dont want to#i just dont have the energy to sift through 99% of the people who want nothing to do with someone like me#I dont feel like I have any community at this point in time even in online spaces#i dont feel like I fit in anywhere and it is incredibly isolating#i wish i could see myself as handsome or attractive in any capacity#can we please stop shaming men for being bald and hairy#can we please stop infantilizing disabled men#can we please stop calling all trans men twinks or femboys solely bc they are trans#sometimes i want to stop T just to be accepted again#but i cant i need the T for my health issues#does being both man and nonbinary at the same time make me multigender?
295 notes
·
View notes