#just need to isolate myself
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pardonmydelays · 5 months ago
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is everything okay? you're offline for so long
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i don't really have the will to live anymore
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positivelyadhd · 1 year ago
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reminder that making time for your friends, even when you're tried and socialising feels overwhelming is important to do every so often. it's especially important to do this actually.
time alone can be good, for a time, but humans are social creatures and we need to talk to people, there's nothing wrong with that!!
sometimes the more time you spend alone the more your brain will tell you to stay alone. that's not true, you're allowed to (and should!!) see people that are important to you. sometimes that alone can be surprisingly healing.
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souenkun · 4 months ago
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Judging from these panels, would it mean that there's no other yorishima exorcist that's still alive (since natori said that the yorishima family "was once" a big name, past tense) in the canon timeline, and that the yorishima we know probably ended his family's exorcism business for good by retiring himself? If so, was the reason tied to the youkai living in his left arm, or is there another cause? And when exactly did he retire— was it before or during seiji and shuuichi's high school days, which was why his left arm appeared with the thick bandages when he gave them the loquats in the anime, but he still lived in the estate during that time, or was it after the two became legal adults, which lined up somewhat with him moving into his forest home, abandoning his family estate in favor of living in isolation?
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And, speaking of retirement, I wonder if we'll ever know why midorikawa told us that the takis were "famous" (which presumedly meant they were strong enough to be well-known) as occult diviners, since tooru herself only ever mentioned what their previous family business entails, and never about their status in the exorcism community? We don't really need this extra bit if she wanted to further establish how tooru has an aptitude for spell-casting, either. Again, there's another "strong" family (whose members are still alive in canon) that went into retirement, but did the taki family lost their power because the ability to see (if they were needed for diviners) disappeared for at least the last three generations (if we assumed that tooru and isamu's parents couldn't see youkai too), or was it due to another reason? How close was shinichiro (tooru and isamu's grandpa) to the matobas that even the current clan head came to pay his respects during his sixth death anniversary; was his relationship with seiji's father strictly resolved around exorcism business, or was anything else involved? Does tooru herself doesn't fully understand the prowess her family once had, hence why seiji was the one who told takashi (and us readers) about it? What would this tiny bit of lore mean for tooru with it revealed this late into the manga, when tooru herself only talked sparsely about her ancestors in previous chapters?
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bisexualseraphim · 10 days ago
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Also, I refuse to entertain the discourse as to whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not, but I will say it’s really fucking lonely — especially if you fall somewhere on the spectrum that’s a little more unconventional.
I’ve discussed many times before how I feel absolutely no attraction whatsoever except towards my lovely partner. I went through the phases queer men tend to: exploring many types of pornography and cruising on Grindr. I really tried, and none of it has ever done anything for me. It wasn’t until I started having sex with my partner that I realised, ohhh, so that’s how most people feel. And even then, enjoying sex with him is far more of an intimacy thing than the actual physical sensations. I do not fantasise about other people or consume porn. There is only him.
And yet when I’ve spoken about this in acespec spaces, I’m still treated as some sort of weirdo who doesn’t belong. I’ve literally been told many times that I can’t be demisexual because demis will still fantasise and consume porn (although that doesn’t line up with my understanding that demis require a close bond to feel sexual attraction, but never mind), and I’ve even been accused of having some weird internalised Christian puritan shit going on because I genuinely cannot comprehend ever looking at or thinking about someone in that way who isn’t my man. As if anything about this is a choice for me and it is offensive to them somehow. As if only feeling attraction to one person is like… “worse” than never feeling any attraction at all. I’ve never once shamed others for how they experience sex and sexual attraction and never would, yet people act like that’s what I’m inherently doing just by speaking about my own experiences.
So no, I won’t say whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not because honestly, when is this shit ever going to come up in conversation and ever be that relevant? But the fact I don’t feel I can talk about it even amongst other queer people, even amongst others in the acespec community, kind of speaks for itself.
Being a queer man who can’t relate to all the stereotypes and anecdotes about enjoying casual sex is one type of loneliness. Being a queer acespec man who can’t even relate to most others in the acespec community is another. I can never win, and either way I do not fit in.
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soulmvtes · 6 months ago
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this month has been so exhausting
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gothsoyl · 1 month ago
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maybe I'll say the most easiest and obvious thing but people who say "if u don't wanna get a spoiler don't go to tiktok/tumblr/internet" are pissing me off and I wanna punch them.
idc about spoilers a lot, it doesn't ruin a show for me BUT IT STILL WOULD BE NICE NOT TO SEE THEM
"oh spoilers were always a thing why you're so upset???" why ur so dumb then? there's a lot of stuff that was a thing for years and centuries but it doesn't make them okay. how hard is it to put a spoiler warning for a few days after an episode came out? how hard is it to understand that not everyone can watch an episode the day it came out? some people have life outside the fandom. I personally have a job and uni and I don't have streaming services so I need to wait for a leak to watch it.
"don't you have an hour to watch it?" I have but do I want to spend it on it? maybe I want to rest or to cook so I won't starve or how about you shut the fuck up and stop defending this shit? again HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT A SPOILER WARNING
anyways. fuck you all. love people who have some braincells and respect for others
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angellurgy2 · 7 months ago
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in the backs of my eyes, light does not reach. black and white, monochrome stars, inky null and blinding full.  others dream, and my thoughtlessness seeks.  though i cannot see, and though i cannot breathe  in every moment my eyes breach free- i dream. not for grandeur, not for fillment,  i dream of nothing but hope.  for days where i could, for the days i would dream.  sitting in the back seat. squalid radio turned to rage. looking at her shoulder’s locks, dreaming of the cage. taken to my first bar, shown my first rave not forgotten, not forsaken, the only love i will take to my grave. cigarettes and mud, alleys and grunge all i wanted was saving.  gone so far, seeded so deep, until it whittled into camaraderie. when the shows over, she’d take me home and leave me in her bed. that night i would be cherished, and that morning we'd be fed. i see their faces in my dreams, as every possibility, every tangle, every thread, every filament held together. like a bastion of memory, creating false to fill the empty. to grant hope to a greyscale null. * * starlight ash, the null of the void, the hopes of a begotten child. is there anything to hear, when the screams are of fear, or choking of brittle and tears? his hopes were so mild, his rage was unbridled, how could she be any different? feel her eyes shiver, feel her soul take, feel the ties of the poverished ingrate. your help cannot find it, your thoughts cannot find it, your hands cannot feel it, your heart cannot take it, your legs cannot shake it and your teeth cannot break it.  in every part of you is her no matter how hard you fight it has been the end of her not of her blight. only of her light.
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zeeckz · 9 months ago
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evil-mcytblrconfessions · 6 months ago
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tumblr kww fandom was formed seperately from most other social media corners of the fandom. and that leads to silly things like the commonly used name "kww collab" and kenfies vs kenifies. and probably more. cedar if theres any more im forgetting that u know of say them pls
(in response to this confession)
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egregiousderp · 13 days ago
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We’re on day six straight of “wake up in the middle of the night/morning hypervigilant and struggle to sleep again” which means we’re reaching the season of Perma Tension and Overthink.
Can’t wait to get through the next two days of work so I can start my week of suspension.
#personal skuun#there was money missing on my station is the upshot#and it’s been a really long time since I’ve made a mistake of that magnitude and yes it DOES happen#but it also looks like it might be coworker’s ADHD setting stuff aside to buy later and forgetting and then we don’t know where or what#I’m like. the third person being suspended for cash loss this month which is also unusual#COULD happen but it could be a lot of things#so I’m just like. trying to keep an eye on her and make sure it’s not a gambling thing#and keeping an eye on my boss who’s letting the chips fall on the off chance it’s him and he’s spreading it around?#I’ve seen both in my time here which makes it impossible to determine without another point on the mental graph#but it’s probably better it happens now#because this is one of two seasonal points where my sleep patterns and mental health run a little thin#and I’m most likely to make those mistakes then#my bills have reduced since the storage unit closure so I just need to kind of. tighten belt and stay home#which I’m good at anyway#although it’s funny because I know half my bosses will be at Pride on Miami Beach this weekend#it’s just two more days of paying close attention and then I can collapse#I’ve stockpiled foods in the pantry to try to make myself keep eating nice things#I have a ton of books and uh. varying. alcohols.#(sorry but sometimes I just want to be sedated and I’m med free running through these seasons.)#I have a beach cleanup event on Tuesday so I won’t be totally isolated/warped with a sense of uselessness/powerlessness#just have to hang on and see if my head clears. same as always.#got to introduce my mom to the flavor of perilla oil today though so that was kind of fun#and I can focus on moving my plants into the room…#maybe paint like I keep saying I’m gonna do and then don’t do#it just feels like my body’s made up of all these uncomfortable lumps#and then on top of it you get dreams that make you wake up crying and unable to get back to sleep for hours? fuck off with that
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opens-up-4-nobody · 14 days ago
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...
#i dont think im a bad person. i dont think i behave in ways that are especially terrible. i dont hate myself. but i do believe i deserve to#suffer. and im not sure how to align those incongruent ideas. its hard to articulate because a lot of my rigidity stems from restrictions#without cause. i don't do things for a specific reason. im not afraid that if dont do specific things it will cause bad things to happen. i#behave in specific ways because thats what i have to do. thats just the way it is. without reason. without cause. like im getting dictates#from some higher power. a lot of my restrictive behaviors manifest in a sort of religious way. not in a religious trauma way. the church i#grew up in was all love thy neighbor and not fire and brimstone. its more that this rigid views is deeply and profoundly rooted in how i#belive i need to behave. i behave imperfectly. i make mistakes. and there has to be a consequence. i have to suffer. and thats just how it#is. like preying for forgiveness or committing self flagellation. i repent through self punishment. and when i try to imagine why i do this#all i can think about is being a little kid. praying before i went to bed. not aloud. the prayers i kept silent. that nobody would get sick#and die. that all the kids in childrens hospitals would get better and that nothing bad would ever happen to anyone. i had a pretty idealic#childhood. it was stable and my parents loved me a lot. i was never really bullied in school. my family was comfortably middle class without#money troubles. and i guess i find that difficult to contend with because i didnt do anything to deserve that. it was just luck. and why#should i have that when other ppl dont? but random things dont happen to you because you did something to warrent them. thats not how the#world works. so maybe im seeking to balance the scale. maybe im trying to pay for my good luck because it makes more sense that way.#sins must be punished and good fortune must be paid for. but only for me. i am an isolated entity controlled by an angry god.#and again. i dont hate myself or thing im a bad person. it only seems fair and correct that i should suffer. thats just how it is.#and how do you classify that? its a rigid worldview that sprauls out into restructions and compulsions. a lens warped from through#existential fear? the rot from which 0cd manifested? a set of restrictions born of aut1sm? i dunno. it doesnt really matter but i try to#classify anyway. maybe it doesnt fit neatly into one box. so it goes.#just stupid bullshit im being forced to deal with now that im basically in triple therapy lol#unrelated
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boarchop · 23 days ago
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I'm fighting with my brain rn. So I'm hoping off! :D Bye, lovely people!
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teastarfall · 1 year ago
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shout out to little nightmares for teaching me how to draw things other than generic anime girls, ily little nightmares ^_^
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carnivallsarchive · 3 months ago
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See the thing is. I know I'm good at writing. Like I have my weak areas or things I need to improve in, but it's not a skill I otherwise spend a lot of time feeling insecure about because a) if I don't believe in my writing literally who will b) if I want to publish my writing I ought to at least feel a resting level of good about it because editors and agents likely will not be cradling my face like a prize cat and telling me how talented I am while asking for their edits c) I've always had an audience for my writing even at its worst– I started sharing my original works online when I was around 16 & that really helped sell to me the idea of 'there will always be someone out there who likes what you do' d) untalented men never think this hard about the quality of their works and they always end up published anyway and e) I don't have many other thoroughly developed skills so why not have one I feel good about. Having said this. Awkward feeling to realize you're one of the authorial weak links in your postgraduate creative writing degree's social circle
#part of the issue is definitely also like. i am good at what i do! its just that im the only one doing it#40 people in my fuckass degree and im the only one who writes fantasy fiction. we had one more girl but she did romance & dropped out#(to be an agent) (this isnt a sad story)#but yeah no im mostly surrounded by very talented poets and screenwriters. which makes my works seem a little. frivolous. in comparison#and my friends especially are so fucking talented it makes me ill. and they engage politely with me about my writing but its also#superficial and i cant blame them because its simply not what they write/what theyre interested in! i feel the same about poetry#but my friend actually seemed surprised a while ago when i mentioned a thing id been writing and i joked that it looked like she was#surprised i could have good ideas and she didnt answer. and like. man.#i am a good writer! i fucking know im a good writer but im a good FANTASY writer and these people are. different writers and theyre good an#im floundering in this environment next to them and theres something not as like.. artistic in what i do its so fucking embarrassing#and they also display just such a lack of curiosity as to others' writing like.. they wont check the moodle forum to read what the others i#our module have uploaded for each assignment?? like arent you even just CURIOUS? but now im also just wondering if theyre like 🤞 this#with each other in a way that excludes me and my stupid flop ass fiction. i dont know. its just so silly. everyone always talks about#finding community in writing groups & degrees & such and that is exactly the last and most isolating place ive ever been insofar as my#writing goes. like at least way back in high school no one cared in general. here people do care. just not about what i can bring to the#table. although again i really dont know if this is a larger scale lack of curiosity/involvement in others works so i digress.#notnow#tbd#sorry this is a very priveleged complaint to have i AM deeply enjoying my degree and ik im so lucky to get to go where i attend. i just#occasionally feel sad. and knowing i failed my last assignment (which WAS fiction) (one chance to prove myself! cute) isnt helping much#if the poetrypeople are better at me even in the thing im meant to be good at. baby we're about to enter the mental health meat grinder.#but we stay silly. i think i just need to find people online etc to talk to about writing again like i did at 17.#just full insanity paragraph analysis. that was fun. i enjoyed that.
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moe-broey · 6 months ago
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What's this?!?!
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A SECOND SUMMONER WITH A STEEL CHAIR?!?!??!??
BEHOLD. Summoner VickyT, Legendary Accountant, Avid Collector of Manga (unfortunately sparse to non-existent in Askr), and older sister of Moe!!!
When my sister @vickyt-mv / @sotiredmostnights made her design, I was EAGER. EAGER. To figure out how I'd draw her! And parse out the dynamic between her and Moe!!
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Something really fun was getting them to look like siblings, when they look quite different! It's all in the face, I think! And... adding a little something, a personal touch... VickyT's halo cowlick ties into Moe's horns!
I also. Attempted Heel Math. The dreaded heel math.
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But to be so real I may just go off of vibes. Just know that there are supposedly canon heights, here. These doodles are also to compare their outfits! Esp in how they match... Because. Well.
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Universal constant, so it seems.....
That's all for now!!!!! I do have..... Lore...... extensive Lore......... but don't you worry about that. Yet.
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greasydumbfuck · 3 months ago
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feeling really ill about frank but not in the cool way
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