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swordsandholly · 4 months

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Keep it Casual

NSFW | MDNI

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish x fem.plus size.Reader

cw: injury mention, death mention (in passing - no character death), brief weed smoking

Word count: 3.7k

One-shot/Drabble

Boy loves girl, girl loves boy. They’re not allowed to admit it, though. It’s good, right? All the benefits without any of the commitments. It’s what they both want, right?

Johnny MacTavish is an enigma to you in many ways. You’ve known each other for years - ever since you came over to the UK for Uni. He was in basic training then, out drinking when he approached you. His buddies were brutish and rude, only looking to add a soft American to their list of conquests, but Johnny… he spoke to you differently. Looked into your eyes, listened intently, gave you his full attention and nothing less.

You’ve been thick as thieves ever since. Beyond that, even. You and Johnny are entirely indivisble. Even when he’s gone for weeks, months, at a time, you’re inheretnly interlinked. Whether by phone calls or the matching tattoos you got on your ankles one drunken night, you’re connected.

There aren’t any labels for it. When people ask you default to best friends, but that doesn’t quite encapsulate it. There isn’t a word in the English language for what you have. You’re not partners - you’ve both had plenty of those each, however briefly. Even those always end. You and Johnny can’t be torn apart, though.

You know what the problem is. The reason you both keep it this vague, amorphous thing between you. Labels are frightening. Labels make things real. Labels mean you have to tell other people what you are, that suddenly there are expectations to live up to.

Labels feel like a death sentence in his line of work. Too many lost husbands, partners, lovers.

You lay on your belly in bed, legs kicked up in the air as you engross yourself in a book when the door knob clicks to the side. Johnny has a key to your place, of course, just as you have one to his. You don’t bother to get up. The chain always hangs loose when he’s gone - knowing he’ll come around at any moment. The door would stay wide open if it could, just for him.

You hear a thunk as as he drops his duffle on the ground. He didn’t go home yet, just came straight here. His boots fall on the floor next, then his jacket drops quietly in the hallway as he slowly makes his way to your room - to you.

“Bonnie lass…” Johnny greets, crawling across the bed toward you. He managed to get down to just his standard issue t-shirt and boxer briefs before climbing in. He knows you hate outside clothes on the bed.

“Johnny.” You smile, rolling onto your back as he climbs over you. Your fingers card through his mohawk, tugging gently on the strands curling at the base of his neck. “Need a trim there, bud.”

“Aye.” He chuckles. “Was waitin’ tae see ye. No one does it as good as my girl.”

His girl. Your boy. That’s the closest either of you ever get to tempting fate.

You hum. “How was work?”

Work. That word doesn’t even come close to what Johnny does. You can’t say more - can’t utter the word deployment. Coward.

“Ach no’ tha’ bad this time. Go’ my heid knocked around a bit.”

“So the usual?”

“Oi.” He scoffs in mock offense. “Donnae be rude.”

“I’m never rude.” You snicker, turning over and reaching for the top dresser of your nightstand. “Do you want to roll or me?”

“I think I’ve earned some princess treatment.” Johnny flops back on the bed, a finger hooking in the hem of your cotton panties as you sit up. He always does this when he first gets back - has to have some part of him touching some part of you. Not that you’d ever complain. You need it just as much as him, though you’d die before admitting to it.

Those blue eyes bore into you as you roll. It’s tradition - a celebratory joint when he gets back. Then you’ll binge all the TV shows and movies you saved up while he was gone and order an ungodly amount of take out. Indian. His favorite. Sometimes Johnny will go back to his apartment the next day to get some quiet time, maybe visit his parents, before he has to go back to work on the base but other times he’ll stay with you his whole time back home. Just taking up your space and being so domestic it makes your teeth hurt like too-sweet candy.

You always hope he stays.

“First hit for the guest of honor?” You smile, holding the joint out for him.

“Och, yer a blessing, hen.” His hand is warm as it brushes yours when he takes the joint from you, eyes locked on your own. There’s something intense in his stare that you aren’t used to. It makes you look away, almost shy under his gaze. He coughs suddenly, a harsh burst of smoke puffing from his lips.

You can’t help but laugh at him, “Getting weak lungs, soldier boy?”

“Oh, feck off.” He elbows you gently.

Somehow you’ve already got the giggles. It’s just something about being around him that makes everything feel better - brighter. More lively. Even the colors of your ugly little ashtray (the one you painted terribly when Johnny’s niece insisted the three of you go paint pottery while babysitting) feel so much more clear with him near.

“Oh!” His brows shoot up suddenly, as if he just remembered something direly important. “I got somethin’ fer ye. Be right back.”

You watch him jog down the hall - definietly not staring at his butt, no ma’am - and listen to the sounds of Johnny rooting around through his duffle bag. Your lips quirk up into a smile when he lets out a distant “aha!”

He comes back with a small, velvety box, flopping back into bed beside you and criss-crossing his legs. “There was this little artisan shop in a town we stopped through. The Captain wanted tae get his wife somethin’ an’ I saw this an’ thought of ye.”

The box slips into your hands. It’s small and light. You roll it between your palms a couple times before shaking it with a grin. Before you can make one of your usual silly quips about what might be inside, your eyes meet Johnny’s. They’re on fire, sparkling with anticipation for you to open the little gift. He’s gotten you things before (you actually have a shelf dedicated to his nicknacks from around the world) but this seems… different. There’s a heaviness to his expression that you’re not used to.

You glance between him and the box briefly - opening it slowly. Your eyes turn to saucers as you come face to face with a finely crafted silver necklace. A little four pointed star with a sparkling gem in the middle that looks the same icy blue as Johnny’s eyes. Little flecks of pink and green catch the light as you turn it between your fingers.

“Johnny-“ You gasp, at a total loss for words.

“Ye like it?” He asks with an uncharacteristically nervous pitch to his voice. His palms rub together absently as he glances between you and the necklace in your hand.

“I love it.” You smile softly, heart fluttering as Johnny breaks out in a grin of his own. “Put it on me?”

“Course.” He whispers, pushing your hair to the side and locking the clasp with deft fingers. It hangs perfectly underneath your clavicles, resting between the other jewelry you wear daily.

Those hands linger for a moment, before both slowly brush down over your shoulders. Rough, calloused fingers glide across your skin and leave an electric current in their wake as light kisses trail up your neck. “Missed ye, bonnie.”

You sigh and lean back against his broad chest. “Missed you too.”

Teeth sink into the crook of your neck, pulling a gasp from your lips. Large, rough hands grab and knead your tits through your thin tank top. He plucks at your nipples - rolling them between his fingers as he sucks deep marks into your neck.

You open your mouth to complain about leaving visible hickies but all that comes out is a breathy moan. You run your hands up his thighs on either side of you, dragging your nails across his skin in the way that always leaves him panting.

One hand travels down, grabbing onto the softness of your belly appreciatively before continuing. His fingers glide over your covered pussy, teasing you to gasp and squirm under him. Rough fingers continue to pluck at your nipple, eventually pushing their way under your tank top for better access. A low hiss escapes Johnny’s lips as your breasts fall free of the camisole.

“Fuck, bonnie. Can I taste ye? Please? Need ye so bad.” Johnny groans in your ear. “Please.”

How could you ever say no to him? He doesn’t even have to ask, really.

He repositions you on your back, tucking a pillow under your hips. Ever the considerate type. His fingers hook in your panties, a low, pleased rumble echoing through his chest as he shucks off the soaked fabric.

No matter what he’s doing, Johnny’s eyes always find yours. He could be across the most crowded room in the world and, imminently, they’ll find yours. They crinkle at the sides with his smile that pulls the scar on his chin.

“So pretty fer me.” He murmurs, lowering himself between your thighs as he bites and kisses up the soft flesh between your legs.

Johnny is a lot of things, and a total much is easily near the top of the list. Maybe number one, even. He presses his face into your cunt - mouthing over your clit and dragging his tongue down between your lips. It’s almost more for him, you think, the way he drags his tongue through the crease between your thigh and pussy. You can’t complain - you would be a fool to with the way he absolutely worships your body.

A harsh suck to your clit as your back arching. Strong arms wrap around your thick thighs to hold you down as he devours you.

“Taste so good, lass. Sweet as fuckin’ candy.” He moans against your cunt.

“Johnny!” You gasp, hand tangling in his overgrown mohawk. A low moan pulls out of you as he licks from your back hole to your clit before stuffing his tongue as deep in your pussy as he can. Chants of obscenities and pleading and oh, god, Johnny please you’re so good fall from your lips.

You know better than to try to hide your sounds. If he could he’d devour them just as much as he already does you - inject them straight in his veins to live there forever. Two fingers push into you, the stretch causing you to gasp. Johnny chuckles as you buck into the touch. The fingers curl directly up into that spot inside you as he nips at your clit.

Your climax hits you like a train - stars blooming behind your eyes and your back arching sharply. You’re always so sensitive after he’s been gone. So ready to have him again.

“Thassit, tha’s my good girl.” Johnny kisses up your thigh, working you through your orgasm with his fingers. “Ready fer me, baby? Missed this pretty cunt so bad - thought about her every day.”

You nod excitedly - mind too fuzzy and content to come up with the words to respond. Lazily, Johnny reaches over to the nightstand to grab a condom. He knows your home, like you, inside and out. Every nook and cranny might as well be his.

It could be his.

It should be his.

Johnny cups your cheek, kissing you slow and deep. His tongue parting your lips gently before exploring every inch of your mouth. Those rough hands trail down your body with reverence. One going from your cheek, to your sternum, over your belly to sink into the softness of your waist. The other holds tight on your hip as he lines up.

You gasp and moan against each other as he pushes in. The stretch is delicious. Your nails sink into his strong back.

“Practically made fer me, bonnie.” He groans as he moves. It’s slow, languid.

He’s so beautiful. Always has been. No matter how he changes - new hair, new scars, new tattoos - he’s still beautiful. The prettiest man you’ve ever met. You run your fingers through the downey layer of dark hair over his chest - tracing the outlines of his muscles, up over his thick shoulders to cup his cheek.

Your bodies move together easily - a well practiced dance that you’ve perfected over the years.

“Christ.” Johnny gasps into your ear - strong forearms bracket your head, burying you under him. “I lov-“

You turn your head, catching his lips in a kiss. It’s terrible of you, you’re sure, but there’s nothing those words can communicate that a well timed gasp or a perfectly placed caress can’t say better. His nose knocks against yours, your hands travel all over him, seeking out any purchase they can find.

It turns desperate. A clawing need as you rediscover each other for the millionth time. Wet, open mouth kisses against each others skin and bodies moving perfectly in tandem. The light high from smoking leaves your skin warm and buzzing with electricity. It borders on overstimulating - just barely this side of too much.

“Johnny…” You whine, tilting your head back.

“Aye?” He pants, laving at your clavicle. “Gonnae cum f’me? Cream all over my fuckin’ cock?”

All you can manage is a keen, teeth sinking into his shoulder to hide you face form him. A hand tangles in your hair, pulling you down to stare up at him.

“Eyes on me, hen. Want - ah - want ye lookin’ at me when I make ye cum.”

It’s too intense. It always is looking into those baby blues. As if they can see right through to the most buried parts of yourself. Johnny shifts your hips up ever so slightly, the new angle bullying his head against your g-spot with each thrust. Your nails claw across his shoulder blades.

It doesn’t take long before you’re careening over the edge with him, bodies tensing against each other. Clenching down around him like a vice while you gasp for air.

“There she is. Tha’s my girl.” Johnny murmurs against your lips, still rocking into you in short, sloppy motions. Just to drag it out a little longer until you whine at the overstimulation.

You let yourself lay back to catch your breath, floating back to earth while Johnny disappears to toss the condom in the trash. He’s back nearly as fast as he left, pulling you against his chest and burying you both under the soft sheets of your bed.

“Shower?” Johnny whispers into your hair, eventually. You nod against his chest, slowly peeling yourselves apart. Your fingers remain tangled all the way to the bathroom.

He whirls you after you turn on the shower, kissing you slow and deep as you wait for the water to warm up. A warm hand splash across your lower back - keeping you close. You’re left breathless when he finally pulls back, pupils blown so wide in the low evening light that you can hardly see the blue of his eyes.

You sigh to yourself as you step into the shower, grateful that you splurged on the apartment with the especially large bathroom. It definitely wasn’t with Johnny in mind. You’d never make your decisions based around such a nebulous relationship.

Not the size of your bathroom - enough to fit both your wide frame and his broad shoulders.

Not the location of your apartment - only a few blocks from his.

Not keeping his favorite snacks stocked at all times just in case he comes home early.

Not referring to your apartment as his home.

“Lean down a bit.” You smile, pouring a glob of shampoo into your hand for him. Johnny’s always been picky about his hair care. You always make sure it’s on hand in your bathroom.

He does the same for you, of course, when he can, but somehow you both always end up at your place instead. Not that you’d ever complain. You like your place. It’s safe. Warm. A cocoon away from all the parts of the world that have scarred you so deeply.

Johnny groans happily as you scratch his scalp, the quality shampoo cleaning far more deeply than any of that standard issue stuff he gets on deployment ever could. You watch the suds slowly drip down over the lines of his back, breath catching as your eyes settle on a nasty, raised patch of skin you hadn’t seen before.

It looks like a chunk got ripped out of his back, right under his ribs.

“Johnny.” You gasp.

“Hm?” He looks over his shoulder at you, brows raising as he realizes what you’re looking at. “Oh tha’? It’s nothin’. Just go’ a bit knocked around, remember?”

You bite your lip, tamping down the rising fear in your gut. “D-does it hurt?”

“I’m fine, lovie.” Johnny turns, giving you that sparkling, million dollar grin. He knows it scares you, shakes you to the core.

You’ve already lost everyone else in your life, having the ever present threat of losing Johnny as well is too much to handle sometimes. It keeps you up at night, when he’s away, imagining all the worst that could happen to him.

How easy it would be for a simple bullet or knife to shatter your world.

That’s why the two of you keep up this little arrangement. This song and dance at arms length. To spare you. Both of you. Either when he doesn’t come back or you break and run.

You won’t run, though. As much as it hurts, the good is too good to give up. You’ll stay through it all, with just enough distance to keep your sanity.

“Ye with me?” Johnny asks gently, slowly pulling you out of your thoughts and back into the moment.

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Long week.” You lie, leaning up on your tip toes to plant a small kiss in the corner of his mouth.

He hums, turning to meet your lips. You let yourself fall into him, fingers running through the hair on his chest, up to the back of his neck. He just feels right under your hands. Perfectly molded to press up against you - hard muscle to balance out the softness of your body. Angles and curves. Push and pull. Sun and moon.

Holy hell, you’ve become a sap.

“Sit.” You point to the chair you drug into the bathroom and Johnny happily plops down - big, fluffy towels tied around your chest and waist respectively. A content smile settles across his face as you slowly work your way across his scalp with the electric razor. You let your fingers to scrape along after you just the way he likes.

When you were young, you watched your mother cut your fathers hair. It seemed so subservient to you. Shameful, almost. You said you’d die before doing that for any man.

You carefully raise each section of his mo-hawk, cutting it down to the exact length Johnny likes to style it. A little on the short side, actually, so that it has time to grow before looking messy. Shearing the sides and taking extra care around his ears. He doesn’t need any more nicks or scars.

Johnny suddenly looks pensive as he watches you in the mirror - carefully taking in each of your movements.

“You’re worrying.” You murmur.

“I-“ He sighs. “It’s nothin’.”

“Johnny.” You level your gaze on his in the mirror, he looks off to the side.

“I’m just- I cannae-“ He sighs. “I miss ye.”

You snort. “I’m right here.”

Johnny shrugs. For once, he stops talking. You hate when he does. It’s the only true hallmark that something is wrong.

“Johnny-“

“Do ye want tae hear a new Ghost joke?” He interrupts. It’s an out. You’ll let him have it.

“Lay it on me.”

“Whit’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flue?”

“What?”

“One requires tweetment an’ the other requires oinkment.”

A huffy laugh escapes you despite yourself. “That’s terrible.”

“Aye. Imagine listenin’ tae that in a life or death situation. Could be the last thing I hear!”

You giggle, finishing up with shaping the edges of his hairline. “How is it?”

Johnny stands, leaning close to the mirror and running a hand over his hair. Your eyes lock onto that newly forming scar again. It makes your throat feel tight.

He stretches his arms way over his head with a groan. “Think it’s time f’some proper lazin’ about.”

The rest of the night goes by as they usually do when he gets home. Indian take out, a romcom in the background, another round of fucking. Or two. It’s near eleven when you finally settle into the sheets, Johnny long asleep beside you. Comfortably snoring with that angelic peacefulness you only ever see in his sleep.

Will he look that peaceful if he dies?

The thought makes you want to throw up.

It takes all your mental fortitude to push that train of thought away. Opting to lay beside him, eyes flicking across his features as you attempt to memorize them all. The curve of his strong brow, the arch of his nose, the slight part in his lips as he sleeps. Your thumb traces the scar on his chin while you cup his cheek. As if sensing your current state - and, if you’re honest with yourself, you’re sure he can - a strong arm wraps around you to lock you against his chest. You let your legs tangle, breathing him in and following the pattern of the rise and fall of his chest. Real and tangible under your hands.

You’re just so glad that, at least right now, he’s home.

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loveshotzz · 9 months

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Is It New Years Yet?

steve harrington x fem!reader ��Part One✨

Santa Tell Me

summary: When you meet Steve Harrington the first time it’s by accident, the second time a coincidence, and by the third he’s calling it fate.

wc: 8.1k

warnings: 18+ series, a christmas meet cute with steve who’s in his 30’s, smut in later chapters, drinking, smoking, eddie munson is our best friend/roommate, him and steve don’t know each other in this AU.

authors note: this wasn’t supposed to be this big or long but here we are. thank you for all your patience and sweet words, I’m so excited to share this with you.

series masterlist -> ✨ part two

The Marshall Fields feels alive with only three weeks left until Christmas, making it a next to impossible mission to get to your job in the restaurant that sits on top of the seven story tourist attraction. At least on time.

Bing Crosby’s ‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas’ spills from the speakers overhead, the deep baritone of his voice is barely audible over the low murmur of conversation happening all around you. Lush, large boughs of green pine hang pristine from the historically tall ceilings, shimmering tinsel draped with purpose at the ends of them catching in the light. It reflects off the gold ornaments that cover it in a perfect pattern. It’s almost enough for you to forget how annoyed you are.

Your slip resistant shoes catch and scuffle along the deep crimson carpet as you move through the shoulder to shoulder crowd. It doesn’t take you very long to find a break in it, still scratching at your nose that itches from your walk through the fragrance department. Your small victory is quickly diminished when you see a swarm of families standing in front of the golden doors of the elevators.

You silently curse yourself for not leaving earlier, completely forgetting that Santa was on the fifth floor today. As if on queue, a little girl with perfect blonde curls that bounce as she runs smacks into your legs just like your realization, falling back on her butt with a thud. Her pearly white dress flutters around her, and the two of you stare each other down for what feels like an eternity until her mother rushes over with panicked apologies right as her daughter breaks out the waterworks.

The noise makes you grimace, mumbling a ‘it’s fine’ under your breath before turning on your heel. Reaching behind, you pull your phone from your back pocket to see just how late you really are, accepting defeat with having to take the scenic, much more time consuming route up the escalators. The bold white numbers that flash across the screen tell you that you’re already five minutes past the start of your shift. A long sigh slips from between your lips as you give up on trying to rush.

Moving with the flow of the crowd, the beginning jingle of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ starts to play, and with the grand spectacle of the yearly decorations, it’s hard not to feel all the emotions of nostalgia they’re trying to pull from you, making you roll your eyes singing along with her under your breath.

The big water fountain in the middle of the men’s department comes into view from the tops of bobbing heads, one of the many physical markers in this building you’ve had to use so you don’t get lost in the retail maze they’ve created, letting you know that you’re close to your destination. Weaving through the sea of people, you try to gear up to break free from the human traffic jam, the signs pointing to the escalators in your sights. His panicked voice is what you hear first, an obvious friendliness still hidden underneath it despite the way it shakes every time you hear him say “excuse me?”

Your eyes search for the owner, and when you find him, regret buries itself deep in your gut when they land on his face.

A perfect mess of dark chestnut hair, with tips that look like they were dipped in honey sits on top of his head. The hints of gold hidden inside shimmer under the lights, as it curls wildly behind his ears. It almost looks styled that way, that is until you see his big hand run through it twice in the span of a few seconds. Warm brown eyes squint as he turns in a full circle glancing between his phone and the signs the point to the city street exits on either side of him. The hoards of people surrounding him completely ignoring his existence as he looks around painfully lost.

His nose is sharp, just like his jaw that’s dusted with the faint hint of a five o’clock shadow. The two prominent moles that sit side by side on his cheek stick out on his unseasonably sun kissed skin that seems to glow against the dark maroon color of his sweater. It’s snug across a broad chest, just like the washed out black jeans that fit a light too well around his thighs. His chocolate colored peacoat looks tailored to fit his biceps, with shiny gold buttons that match the buckle on his russet leather loafers, and the chain that dangles from around his neck.

You watch him try to ask a few friendly faces for help, only receiving a shrug and a half smile by the ones that actually acknowledge him. He mutters something that sounds sarcastic to himself as you get closer, his hands moving animatedly before he huffs pinching the bridge of his nose.

Maybe it’s the Christmas decorations, or the Mariah Carey, or maybe it’s just the fact that you’d rather take pity on a handsome stranger than go to your job. Whatever reason it is, you decide to make the stupid mistake to help him.

“Hey,” you greet timidly, getting just close enough to smell the cedar and cinnamon that seems to cling to the expensive wool of his coat, ignoring the way your stomach flips because of course he smells good right?

“Are you lost?”

He doesn’t hear you over the internal battle going on inside his head, not even registering that someone is finally stopping to offer the help he’d just been pleading for, quietly grumbling, ‘you wanted to move to the city, now you can’t even find your way through a damn store’.

You clear your throat before it can get anymore awkward, alerting him of your presence while letting your curious gaze wander up his tall broad frame. Those squinted brown eyes look big now as they meet yours, and you can see green inside them that you couldn’t before and it sparkles brighter than the tinsel hanging from the boughs behind him.

Yeah, you’ve made a huge mistake.

He blinks a few times, before a wide smile stretches across his face somehow making him even more handsome as he reveals a set of perfectly straight teeth. The smile pushes up his cheeks, and crinkles the skin around his eyes, and you watch all the aggravation from before melt off of his perfectly sculpted face and you wish you could go back those few minutes in time and abort the mission. This is no damsel in distress.

“Hi” is all that he says, peony’s painting his cheeks as he runs his hand through his thick hair again. It looks even softer up close.

“Hey,” you giggle, nerves taking over and you want to pinch yourself for it. “I just wanted to see if you needed some help, you look a little lost.”

You try to seem indifferent when you catch the way his gaze roams quickly down your body, thankful you did laundry last night and had on your tight fitting work slacks today that showed off your curves.

“So lost!” He groans, the blush on his cheeks deepening with the tips of his ears. “If I’m being completely honest with you, I don’t even know what floor I’m on.”

You try to hide the way you snort, slapping your palm over your mouth.

“Hey, be nice!” He laughs, trying his best to fight it to put on a hurt expression, “this is like my first time here, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” you try to fight off you smile, “I didn’t mean to laugh at you —“

“Steve,” interjects with a grin, those perfect teeth biting at his full bottom lip as he sticks out one of his hands for you to take, a gold band wrapped around his middle finger you didn’t notice before gleaming when it hits the light.

“Well, Steve,” you try not to laugh, which ends up being easy to do when you slip your hand into his and watch it disappear behind his long fingers when they wrap around them. “You’re on the first floor if you can believe it.

“That’s fucking embarrassing. Wow.” He groans, letting your hand go to run his palm down his face, and you hate that you feel the loss in your gut. “Sorry I didn’t mean to cuss.”

“I’ll let it slide this time,” You tease with a wink, enjoying the way it only makes the color on his face deepen. “Where are you trying to go? I work on the seventh floor. I might be able to take you on my way.”

It takes Steve a minute to formulate an answer to your offer, still stuck on the fact a complete stranger was being so nice to him, and the silence between you goes on just long enough to make you second guess everything.

“Or I could just try and give you directions if that’s more comfortable for you.” You offer, adjusting the straps of your backpack nervously.

“I’m trying to get to the women’s department,” Steve finally blurts out, sensing the shift in your energy and quickly tries to recover with another card through his hair and a crooked smile, “specifically the handbags, and I absolutely think you should take me.”

His gaze narrows the color in his eyes darkening into something more flirtatious than nervous.

“Who knows how long it’d take me to get there without a beautiful, clearly smart woman such yourself to help me anyway.”

Your stomach does that thing that you hate again, and all the heat in your body licks at your cheeks like flames. You can’t remember the last time a man actually used the word beautiful. Hot? Absolutely. Cute? Sure. Pretty? Yeah, a few times, but never beautiful. It sits in your chest where it blossoms into another painfully big smile that pushes your cheeks up even more, and you have to look away from his face for a moment when he matches it with his own.

“O- okay, if you just, uh wanna follow me?” Words get lost on your tongue and it comes out more shy than you would’ve liked, but you turn on your heel before you can think too hard about it when he gestures you forward.

You hear him mutter ‘are you kidding me?’ under his breath as you lead him to the escalators just around the corner, making him realize how close they were this whole time and you wonder just how long he was actually looking for them. The smell of mint hits your nose as you pass the Frango chocolate stand and it mixes with the spice of his cologne as he trails close behind. Butterflies threatening to break from cocoons hearing the way his steps match yours.

He stops next to you as you come to halt to wait your turn to hop onto the moving metal steps. You look up at him and there’s an awkwardness that threatens to fill the small space between you that has you giving him a tight lipped smile that he returns with the kind of confidence that makes your palms sweat and you have to look away.

“I say we make our move after white puffer coat comin’ up here.” His voice startles you when it comes out low, close enough to the shell of your ear that you swear you can feel the whisper of his lips. Spearmint stings your nose from the gum that snaps between his teeth, and the heat of his breath makes goosebumps jump along the back of your neck.

Why did you do this?

You meet his gaze from the corner of your eye, letting him see the playful glint that dances in them before giving a curt nod of your head.

“On the count of three…” You play along, despite everything inside you telling you to stop flirting back and it makes Steve’s whole face light up, long fingers flexing at his side with the need to find yours again.

“One..” He starts, and your eyes meet ‘white puffer coat’ who’s now only a few steps away before finding Steve’s again who’s stare very obviously never left your face.

“Two..” You giggle trying to hide the way your body starts to buzz and if it wasn’t for Steve’s giddy expression you’d be more embarrassed than you actually are.

“Thre-“ His final count gets cut off by the feeling of your fingers wrapping around his, tugging him onto the stairs early with a loud cackle that has you throwing your head back and he swears the sound tilts his world off its axis.

His cheeks dust pink under the bright light looking down his nose at you with a wide smile that shows all his teeth. An expensive loafer sits wedged between your work shoes and the other on the step above, caging you against the side as you ride up to the next floor, and he’s close enough for you to see a smattering of more freckles that dot the bridge of his nose and the side of his neck, even one on the tip of his earlobe.

He’s still holding your hand.

Your fingers twist and flex at the realization, dropping from his hold and Steve clears his throat because of it. Adam’s apple bobbing as you land on the second floor, he shoves his hand in his pocket, standing a more appropriate distance from you as you get on the next set of stairs going up.

“So what’s on the seventh floor?” He asks, finally breaking the silence that crackles with something you aren’t prepared for today.

“Oh, um, The Walnut Room.” you know where the big Christmas tree is?” You answer with a small smile and it makes him snort, the noise making your eyes go big and the corners of your lips twist up more.

“I couldn’t find the escalators, you think I know where the big Christmas tree is? Don’t flatter me so much or I’ll think you’re flirting with me, honey.” Steve grins, the cool air of confidence from before coming back and you hate that it makes your cheeks burn even worse the second time around.

“Well,” you start unable to bring yourself to meet his gaze as the two of you make your way to the next set of escalators with nerves rattling in your chest as the new floor brings more people, and it makes it impossible for him to keep his distance this time, “now you know where it is.”

“Is that an invitation?” He smirks looking down at you, teeth gleaming even whiter from this close and butterfly wings tickle at your rib cage.

“Getting a new purse for your girlfriend?” You ask in an attempt to dodge his obvious flirting, doing your best to ignore the way his fingers keep bumping into yours as you share the same step.

“Mom, actually. No girlfriend.” Your obvious prying makes something smug flash behind his eyes. “Is that the answer you were hoping for?”

You huff with a roll of your eyes, unable to fight the way your cheeks push up again despite the shake of your head earning a deep chuckle from Steve who can see right through you.

“I actually just moved here, maybe a month ago,” he starts, your heart sinking a little at his reveal and your walls that had started to slowly retreat quickly go back up the few inches they dared to come down. “M parents, they’re….they’re tough to impress, and I’m just trying to find something nice for my Mom. Something that screams ‘Hey! Merry Christmas! I didn’t make a big mistake moving here!’ You know?”

You nod with the kind of laugh that makes his eyes sparkle at the noise.

“A purse absolutely says that, I think.” Your words drip with sarcasm as the two of you make your way onto the third floor, shoulders bumping as you turn towards the next set of moving stairs, both your feet landing on the same metal step again.

“You know, I thought so too.” He beams, not missing a beat. “What about you? Got any fun plans with your boyfriend for Christmas?”

Before you have a chance to answer, an impatient woman choosing to walk the escalators in the kind of rush you should really be in knocks into Steve’s back with her shoulder, making him lose his balance and stumble into you. Large hands grab at your waist to steady himself, the warmth of his palms spreading through your body as it seeps through the thin material of your slacks. The steady beating in your heart stutters before your pulse kicks into overdrive when the mint on his breath fans against your neck for the second time as he mutters an apology finding his balance again. You bite at the inside of your cheek when he finally lets you go, straightening up to his full height again.

“Gotta love the holidays.” You laugh, letting out a shaky breath that threatens to give you away.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or that’s what they say.” Steve sighs, running his fingers through his hair again.

He somehow leaves it even messier than before, and you have to fight the urge to fix it for him, as the top of the fourth floor comes into view along with the end of your time with the man you only half way regret helping now.

“The answer to your question is no, by the way.” You finally speak up, a mischievous glint in your eye that matches your smile.

“No you don’t have any fun plans? Or No you don’t have a boyfriend?” He tries to clarify, with the kind of lopsided grin that has your knees wobbling under it.

You don’t have time to recover when the ground underneath you stops moving as you both hit the bright red carpet of the women’s department. The fast moving crowd and the fact that you’re pushing nearly twenty minutes late for work is the perfect escape you need to get yourself out of making the mistake of staying long enough for the charming new to the city bachelor to ask for your phone number.

“Handbags are over there.” You point to the giant Michael Kors logo that shines gold against a hot pink wall behind him, and you seize the moment he turns to follow the direction of your finger to hop back onto the escalators without a word.

You laugh echoes and bubbles over the even happier sounds of the Christmas music when Steve turns around to find you already half way up to the fifth floor.

“Really?” He throws his hands up, watching as you climb higher.

“I’m late for work! I hope your mom likes her gift!” You wave with the kind of smile that he’s sure will haunt his dreams tonight, that makes the corners of his lips twitch despite himself. “It definitely screams you didn’t make a mistake! Nice meeting you Steve!”

It had been four days since your run in with Steve, and much to your dismay that disheveled head of hair didn’t want to leave your mind no matter how much you tried. His breath stealing smile, and freckled skin invaded every day dream and even found their way into the ones in your sleep. No matter how many times you tell yourself that a man who looks like that has endless opportunities in a city like this, and he’s not going to tie himself down with a waitress who still splits her rent with a roommate.

A change of scenery and a day off spent alone at the Christmas market is almost enough to do the trick as you search for ornaments to put on the tree your roommate Eddie tried to stop you from getting, arguing that he’d have to be the one to take care of it if you got a real one. Which to be fair, ended up being true, but when you catch him reading Lord of the Rings under its twinkling lights, you don’t think he minds it all that much.

A few ornaments, two hot ciders, and a record shop later, you find yourself waiting for the train home looking at the sunset that paints the skyline in sherbet orange and red behind shimmering buildings. Lost in the music that spills from your AirPods, flashing lights catch at the corners of your eye, and the sounds of the holiday train start to get louder as its bright presence rolls up to the platform. The Santa that you know has to be freezing waves at everyone that’s waiting as it pulls in, and you can’t stop the way your cheeks push up despite the annoyance you would have normally felt if you were actually commuting somewhere in a rush.

The workers dressed as elves greet you with baskets of candy cane’s and bright smiles when the doors open, and relief floods your system when you see the train car is mostly empty. You give them a friendly wave and a nod, accepting the sweet treat before claiming your seat for the nine stops you needed to pass to get home. Red and green string lights flash strung up from the ceilings, and the silver metal poles that stick through the middle now resemble the candy they're passing out. The white fluorescent lighting that usually washes everyone out is replaced with a deep blue, and the faint sounds of Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ battles for dominance with the music in your headphones.

Relaxing into your seat, you let the steady rocking of the train lull you back into your thoughts, disappointed when they inevitably go back to the man you’ve been trying to forget. Thighs pressing at the memory at the feeling of his hands grabbing at your hips on the escalator, you huff and cross your arms in a silent pout. How can you have a crush on someone you don’t even know?

The car starts to fill up more and more as the stops go, and by the third one you’re squeezing your tote bag to your chest with people surrounding you as they hold onto the plastic handles above your head. It’s hard to see anything above anyone’s waist, and you shuffle a little awkwardly in your seat. The spot in front of you frees up by the next stop and at the same time your AirPods die, a sigh of relief slips past your lips at the brief reprieve before the group waiting outside scurries in. That’s when you hear him…again.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. First the damn bus, now the train? Jesus fuck- exuse me, god, I’m gonna be so late.”

The familiar smell of cedar and cinnamon envelopes your senses when a pair of black dress slacks fill your vision with a gold belt buckle on his waist that matches the chain you already know is dangling from his neck, and the ring on the hand that’s gripping the handle above you.

You curse under your breath, taking your AirPods out and the muffled sound of Dean Martin’s ‘Let It Snow’ becomes full volume, along with the clinking of the metal tracks when the train lurches forward. Leaning back in your seat, you let your eyes wander up his broad torso you’ve reluctantly thought so much about. Steve’s a little more dressed up than the last time you saw him with a white button up tucked into his slacks. You can still make out the outline of his tank top underneath, despite the dim lighting, and the way he leaves the top two buttons undone flashes you a little bit of chest hair. The chocolate peacoat is replaced with a black one that has buttons to match. It fits around his arms just as good as the other one.

His five o’clock shadow is gone now, and he somehow has even more freckles than before. Too distracted by him to scold yourself for having the urge to find and kiss them all, his messy bed head look he had the other day is replaced with something a little more controlled, and you wonder how much product he needed to use, especially that despite it all, a stray still threatens to fall across his forehead.

“Not a fan of the holiday train are we?”

Steve jumps at the sound of your voice, his eyes looking every direction but down until you clear your throat. They widen when they land on you just like the smile that spreads across his face, wiping away any signs of annoyance that plagued his features just seconds before.

“You!” He almost laughs, and he’s even more handsome than you remembered and you wonder how long it's going to take you recover this time, “Oh wow —“ even in the blue light you can see the way the color in his cheeks redden when he realizes that his crotch is unintentionally in your face, “let me just -“

He scoots back as far as he can which isn’t much but it’s enough to make the position the two of you find yourselves in less awkward.

“Well, well, well so we meet again.” He practically beams taking in your appearance now that you’re not dressed to go wait tables, catching the way he licks his lips before bringing his eyes back to yours.

“It would appear so Steve.” Your smirk, proud of yourself for keeping up the act of playing hard to get.

“What do they call these things? Christmas Miracles?” His confident demeanor reappears and you’re disappointed that it sets your body on fire just like before.

Your snort loud enough for him to hear, earning you a deep chuckle from his chest that gets him that smile of yours he can’t stop thinking about.

“You think you’re so smooth don’t you?” You tease, biting at your bottom lip, meeting his eyes from under your lashes watching the way it makes the green and gold inside them turn into something darker.

“Not really, but I think it’s working for you.” He winks, closing the space he made between you to let someone off behind him holding your stare from down the slope of his nose.

You narrow your eyes at him before you roll them but the twitch of your lips gives you away making his grin turn Cheshire.

“Where are you off to this dressed up? Hot date?” You question with an arched brow.

“For someone who’s pretending not to have a crush on me, you’re certainly fixated on if I’m dating someone aren’t you?” Shaking his head, he’s even more smug than he was on the escalators, “but no, beautiful, I’m on my way to meet a business partner for dinner.”

There he goes using that word beautiful again.

“What about you? The missing uniform tells me it must be your day off, spend it with that boyfriend of yours?” Steve smirks trying to get the definitive answer you refused him a few days ago.

“You’re calling me fixated? I’m not the one obsessing over an imaginary boyfriend I made up for someone else.”

Steve throws his head back in a booming laugh as a bright smile lights up his face in a way that rivals the train.

“I bet you think you’re so funny don’t you?” He mimics your previous sentiment with an intensity in his gaze that has you squirming in your seat.

“Not really, but I think it’s working for you.” Biting your lip as you wink, his hold around the handle tightens, and the gold in his eyes darken more. “I’m surprised you’re heading out of the loop so dressed up, where’s this hot business date?”

Steve’s smile falters, and the color you’re so used to warming his face drains along with the intensity of his gaze.

“What do you mean out of the loop?” That panic you’d heard shaking his voice a few days ago returns, as he tears his eyes away from you to look at the map above your head.

“Oh no, Steve.” You realize the mistake he’s made before he does.

“No, no, no, no,” he groans, stomping a shiny wingtip oxford on the dirty ground. “God, Richard, fuck - he’s going to be so pissed at me.”

He says the last part more to himself, regripping his hold on the handle, brows furrowing as he pinches his eyes shut in frustration. His chest heaves a few times, and the veins in his neck start to show before you hear his quiet exhale over the sounds of ‘Jingle Bell Rock’.

“Hey,” You start, and sweetness drips from your tone as you resist the urge to reach out and comfort him, “I’m getting off on the next stop, you can come with me if you want and I’ll help you get on the right train. It’s an easy mistake, really. We’ve all done it.”

He doesn’t open his eyes immediately, and you can tell that he’s trying not to completely break down but slowly they blink back open and meet yours. The teasing edge behind them is gone as they soften around the edges with exhaustion.

“I think I owe you my life at this point, honestly.” He huffs with a weak laugh and you know if his hair wasn’t done his hand would be running through it right now.

“Just a little bit.” You tease pinching two fingers together with a scrunch of your nose.

“Thank you,” he holds your stare, sincerity painting his features with something that makes you want to stand up and hug him.

“Anytime,” you shrug and it’s harder to fake being nonchalant when he looks at you like that.

The train starts to slow down as it approaches your stop, and the people around you become restless as they prepare to push through the crowded car to get off. Your body reacts like muscle memory when it comes to a halt with another lurch, and you stand up without thinking about the little bit of space that separates you and the man you haven’t been able to stop thinking about all week.

Your chest brushes against a hard set of abs before and even harder set of pecs, the cedar and sandalwood of his cologne is stronger than the last time it took over your senses like this. Fresh. The faint smell of his aftershave tickles your nose, and the heat of his breath warms against the berry chapstick on your lips. The realization of your mistake hits right as you lose your balance, and your body falls flush against his.

“Whoa, honey.” Steve chuckles, one of his big hands grabbing firmly on the soft curve of your hip to hold you in place, and you swear you can taste the spearmint of his gum against your tongue from his proximity.

Your hands reach out on instinct grabbing at his waist, making the muscles underneath flex from your touch and you can just faintly hear his sharp intake of breath because of it.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m so sorry.” You bumble, instantly regretting looking up to meet his gaze. The smirk of his pink full lips has all your blood rushing to your cheeks as you quickly try to untangle yourself from him.

“You’re fine,” he laughs in your ear as you push past him, and it sends a shiver through your bones, especially when you can feel the heat of his body behind you as he follows.

The wind hits your face stepping onto the platform and the chill in the air feels good against your skin. People rush and zoom all around you as they try and make their next connection while you and Steve stand under the sign that flashes the next train times. In a loud roar, the holiday spectacle departs with jingling bells that ring off into the distance along with the whir of the crowd leaving you and Steve alone. You try to ignore the tension that bubbles under his stare against the back of your head, threatening to spill over any second as you pull out your phone.

“You live around here?” He’s the first one to break the silence stepping next to you, his gaze shifting curiously to your phone screen.

“Yeah, like three blocks away.” You answer absently, scrolling through the train lines too distracted by your search for the right directions to give him.

He hums quietly in response, pulling out his own phone from his coat pocket. His energy shifts from the panic on the train to something calmer, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. A nervousness still lingers in his shaky exhale that pushes through his nose, rocking back on his heels before shoving his phone in his pocket.

“What if we went out to dinner instead?” Steve blurts out, and his hand that’s been itching to run through his hair finally does, “I mean if you don’t have any plans right now.”

“Didn’t you say it was a work dinner Steve?” You laugh, finally daring to look up at your phone at him. Big mistake.

The wind catches his hair, and that long dark honeyed strand falls against his forehead while his teeth gleam at you in a hopeful smile.

“I feel like I kind of already missed it,” he chuckles, “I’m supposed to be there now and if I read those directions on your phone correctly it said what? - 45 minutes to get there?”

You glance down and see the bold numbers that only seem to go up as the minutes pass and rush hour starts to kick in.

“Besides, I owe you dinner for coming to my rescue twice in one week. I think the universe is really trying to get us to go get drinks if you ask me sweetheart.”

You laugh a little nervous, rolling your eyes to try and hide how you aren’t immune to his charms but the glint that sparkles in his stare tells you that it’s not working.

“I mean, I guess it’s only fair. I don’t want to mess with fate and all.” You sigh, and it makes his whole face light up, “but if Richard fires you, that’s not my fault.”

“You have my word, if this dinner ruins the entire reason I moved out here. I will not blame you.” He raises his hand in the air like he’s swearing under oath.

“Steve!” You gasp, shoving his arm, and it has him throw his head back in a loud laugh that echoes through the empty platform.

“I’m kidding, that’s not going to happen. I don’t think.” He grins, earning another eye roll from you, but he’s too giddy to care.

You choose the cozy little Ramen spot on the corner called The Furious Spoon that’s only two blocks from the train station. It’s a close enough walk to easily brave the deep chill that follows with the setting sun and casual enough so that this doesn't feel like something you’re telling yourself it’s not.

A date.

The warmth of the restaurant hits your frozen cheeks, thawing the parts of you that got bitten from the cold. Ainese hangs thick in the air, making your mouth water while the two of you make your way to the empty seats at the end of the long table that lines the side of the restaurant. You pretend not to feel his hand on the small of your back despite it burning a hole through your jacket as you push through the puffy coats that drape over the stools on either side of you.

Shrugging your layers off, both of you follow suit finding a home for them on the wide rectangular seats. Steve tuts at you when you go to pull your seat out waving your hand away.

“Seriously? No.” You half whisper yell, but the corners of your lips twist up and he decides it’s an empty objection pulling your seat out for you with a wave of his hand gesturing you to sit.

“My mom would kill me if I didn��t,” he swears but his smirk tells you not to believe a word he says as he puts both his hands on either side of your stool, spearmint hot on his breath against the shell of your ear. Cedar and clove on the fabrics of his clothes, it feels like he’s everywhere as he gives you two pushes in.

His knee bumps into yours as he takes the seat next to you, and another waft of his cologne hits your nose. Biting your lip, you decide to distract yourself with the menu as you actively try to make sure your leg doesn’t bounce with anxious energy. The restaurant is more crowded than you expected and Steve’s closer than you wanted. Your heart thumps wildly against your rib cage, scaring the butterflies that laid dormant for the few days in his absence right as they had started to stretch their wings.

“This all looks so good,” he hums, eyes scanning over the menu before bringing his attention back to you, chestnut and gold shimmering in the low light as he looks down the slope of his nose, licking his full lips, “Do you have a favorite?”

You can’t stop your gaze from flicking down to his mouth, words threatening to get caught on the tip of your tongue watching the way the corners curl up into a grin, small dimples pushing into his tan skin when he catches you.

“Depends on what you like protein wise, but my go to is The Mother Clucker.” You manage to get out, trying to clear out the nerves out of your throat.

“Excuse me,” he snorts, “the what?”

Rolling your eyes, you tuck your bottom lip between your teeth as you lean over tapping a red polished nail to the chicken option on the top.

“Do you need glasses Steve?” You giggle watching him squint to read it.

The question makes him look at you out of the corner of his eyes with a narrow stare.

“I’ve had perfect vision since high school. Thank you very much.” He scoffs holding the menu further away as if to help him focus on the small bold lettering.

“Sure looks like it, my mistake.” Raising a hand in mock surrender, the gesture makes him knock his knee with yours earning him a giggle.

“Here I am skipping out on an important work dinner to spend my night showing you how grateful I am and you’re just bullying me.” Steve only manages to keep a straight face until you hit him with a soft smack on his shoulder, a full bellied laugh escaping him when whatever retort you’re ready to give gets cut off by your server finally coming to the table.

Steve’s charm flows from him with ease as he speaks to the young guy with a big septum ring and spiked hair. He talks to him like they’ve been lifelong friends when you place your orders and it reminds you how easily he got that same genuine smile from you just a few days ago at work, and again now as you sit next to him for dinner instead of writing him off like you told yourself you would. Your stomach twists in knots when his knee bumps against yours and stays there, the warmth of his body seeping through the fabric of his slacks and your jeans.

“So did you end up finding your Mom a gift that screams ‘I didn’t make a mistake’?” You question resting your cheek in the palm of your hand as you lean on the table with your elbow, you lift your chin up a little at him and it makes him flush.

“Oh yeah,” he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck, “I-I didn’t actually, so that's great. I’ll probably just get her a nice set of earrings or something, it won’t matter in the end anyways.”

His eyebrows knit together and for the first time all night he purposely avoids your gaze with a sip of his water. Your eyes follow the movements of his throat as he swallows.

“What do you mean it won’t matter?” You press, curiosity getting the best of you watching his confidence slip.

“My parents aren’t exactly thrilled that I moved out here to help with this start up, instead of taking over their family business back home. It’s a long story, but it was a big argument, well - multiple big arguments when I told them I was leaving.” He sighs, and you can see the dread of their arrival start to hang over his head like storm clouds. “Besides we never really spent Christmas together my whole life anyway, they were always traveling for work, so this whole thing is just -“ He rubs at his temple, “a thing.”

He runs his fingers through his hair without abandon this time.

“Ahhh,” you hum as missing pieces of Steve’s puzzle are revealed and you hate yourself for finding him more attractive because of it.

“What about you?” He nods his head in your direction, mimicking your stance resting his head in his hand, “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Well,” you start, more nerves settling deep in your chest as you start to lay some of your cards down, “I don’t go home for the holidays cause I usually have work. But me and my family get along fine, I guess. But my roommate usually goes to visit his uncle so I’ll probably order something really expensive to eat and watch a Christmas movie I don’t hate.”

You shrug trying to hide that sometimes it does get to you, not having a full house of loud laughter or even someone to spend the day with, but the look in Steve’s eyes makes you feel like he sees you. He gets it.

“Favorite Christmas movie?” He asks without missing a beat.

“Oh, easy, The Grinch.” you snort.

“Fitting for you.” he winks, despite the tips of his ears turning red when your shoe finds his under the table.

“Rude. What about you? huh?” Your lashes flutter as you bite your lip feeling him start to play footsie with you.

“Jingle All The Way, Arnold’s my guy.” He smiles big at the giggle you give him, and it warms your face just like his hand that slides further down his thigh, dangerously close to yours.

The bubble you find yourselves in pops abruptly when the smell of your soup hits your nose. Two large bowls get set down in front of you, steam pouring off the tops so much it fogs the glass window.

“You would like Arnold,” you manage to whisper yell over your servers arm and it’s Steve’s turn to roll his eyes, ignoring you giving the waiter a pat on the back with a ‘thanks man.’

The rest of your dinner is filled with easy conversion and touches that linger more than they should, just like the secret paths heavy lidded gazes make to each other’s lips that aren’t so secret in the dim lighting with your feet still intertwined. You hate that as you learn more about him, the more you want to know. The questions come with follow up questions as he tells you about the life that he left behind, his best friend Robin who he hasn’t spent more than six hours without for the last five years and how it feels like he’s missing a limb.

It feels mutual as both of you sit there long after your bowls are empty, snow falling from a now completely dark sky as Steve listens to you tell a story from high school like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever heard. Just like the stories about you and Eddie before that, or the one about how you lost your I.D on a crazy night out. All of them felt like he was hanging on every word, and having his full attention like this made your stomach flip. The buzzing of your phone is what ends the night when your eyes catch how late it really is.

“Oh my god, is it really almost nine?” You gasp, but Steve seems unfazed, just like the tip of his shoe running up your calf.

“I’m actually surprised they didn’t kick us out,” he smirks, chuckling to himself before straightening his back. Deep crimson filling his cheeks when you both can hear the loud pop.

You’d tease him but you were too busy already missing his touch. God. Dammit.

“I should really get going, I didn’t realize we’ve been here for like three hours. I gotta be at work super early for this breakfast with Santa we’re doing,” You huff, standing up and the change in energy is almost enough to make Steve’s head spin.

“You live like a block away, I think you’ll get home fairly quickly.” He looks at you confused as he stands up, watching you stuff your arms in your coat with a struggle with tangled sleeves.

“I just, I promised Eddie I’d be home at a certain time and he gets all worried when I’m not,” It’s a lie but you aren’t going to tell him that your panic is from the fear that spending this much time with him has now pushed you past the point of no return.

He’s never going to leave your mind now.

“Let me walk you,” He insists, slipping on his coat with ease, broad shoulders filling it perfectly.

“I think you should worry about getting yourself home,” you tease, buttoning your coat that you won the fight with.

“Yeah, I can’t chance it, not without my good luck charm,” he winks and your knees wobble, “I’m calling an Uber. Can’t get lost that way.”

“Let’s hope so,” you smirk, bumping shoulders with him despite yourself as you walk past.

“Hey! I thought we were friends now.” He whines following close behind, both of you giving a small wave to your server on the way out.

The cold air hits you the moment the swinging glass door opens, sending a shiver up your spine, tugging your coat closer, you silently curse the hint of cedar you catch on the fabric.

“Are we friends now?” You arch a brown turning on your heel to face him as you both hit the sidewalk.

“I was hoping,” he gives you that smile, the kind that you know always gets him what he wants, and god do you want to give it to him. But the gold shimmering on his belt and the reminder that he just moved here makes you stubborn and weary. “Maybe if you give me your number, we can do this again sometime and find out?”

“How about this,” you suck at the inside of your cheek loudly, and you almost feel bad when you see how his face drops, “If we run into each other again, you can have my number.”

Steve stares at you for a second, disbelief painting over all of his pretty features, but he’s quick to recover with a hand through his hair and a new poker face.

“Deal.” He sticks his hand out and now it’s you who has to take a minute to recover, “What? I accept.”

You narrow your eyes at him before you place your palm into his, that charming smile outshining the white snow that falls onto his long lashes. He purposely holds it longer than he should, the butterflies in your stomach coming to life when the warm pad of his thumb starts to rub small circles into your soft skin.

“Till the next time beautiful, who knows, maybe I won’t take an Uber home. Take a gamble. I wonder who could possibly show up to rescue me.” He starts, earning another shoulder slap and a gasped ‘Steve!’

“Do not do that, Uber home you maniac.” You pull your hand away no matter how much you don’t want to, especially when he trails the tips of his fingers down your palm as he lets go.

“You win this time,” He grins pulling out his phone, and you watch him click the app before you start to walk towards the direction of home.

“I win every time, Steve.” You wink, taking a mental picture of the way it makes him bite his lip before you turn away hoping you didn’t just make some huge mistake.

Secretly hoping Steve Harrington gets lost again.

#steve harrington #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x you #steve harrrington x reader

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nolita-fairytale · 1 year

Text

comfort & chaos (carmy berzatto x fem!reader) chapter two: covid & carbonara

summary: in a time of isolation, you and carmy find unexpected connection in unexpected places: each other. (the five times carmen berzatto fell in love with you a little and the one time he finally told you)

warnings: swearing, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking, suggestive language, mentions of covid-19/the pandemic, eventual smut.

word count: 4k

listen to: hot sugar - glass animals | hard to live in the city - albert hammond jr. | alone together - del water gap | foreign girls - bleachers

read: chapter one

March 2020:

“Carmy, can you hear me now?” you ask, listening carefully for his response.

“Yeah hold on. Wifi’s shit in this room,” he mumbles. You hear a rustle of sounds and the picture on your phone goes blurry for a second. This is just something you’ve come to accept is a part of your life now as you wait.

Suddenly, the picture is clear again and it looks like Carmy’s in his living room now. He wears a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants as he tries to get comfy on the shitty sofa in his Flatiron apartment.

“Ok there we go. I gotta-, yeah, I can hear you now,” he says, finally settling in.

“How are you?” you ask as you grow more sure that you’re going to be able to talk now. “It’s good to see your face.”

“Yeah, no uh. It’s good to see you too,” he replies. “Shit’s so weird right now, huh?”

“Totally,” you agree. “So… what’ve you been up to? I mean… how are you spending your time?”

He sighs, shaking his head, as if to say that he barely knows how to answer that question. He thinks it over before answering with:

“I don’t know. Workin’ on some recipes. Tryin’ not to lose my fuckin’ head. You?”

“Same,” you commiserate. “Though… I don’t know. I’ve kind of been enjoying some of the down time, you know?”

He couldn’t agree less.

Carmy tells you about the recipes he’s working on. You share with him the plot of the show you’re binge watching right now. He tells you he hasn’t really been in touch with family much and you let him know that you’ve been running errands for your parents where you can. It’s a fairly normal conversation for a very uncertain and strange time, but it brings you comfort – talking to Carmy.

You talk about the state of the restaurant industry. The state of the world. The two of you wonder when the restaurant might open back up – if they’ll consider doing to-go’s. He’s not sure and neither are you.

It’s almost two hours later when you realize your phone is dying, and that somehow, time has flown as the two of you have been talking.

“Shit, uh. My phone’s dying. I may have to go,” you say remorsefully.

“Oh yeah! No problem,” Carmy replies, almost apologetically. “And I uh, if I get in touch with the people at World Central Kitchen, I’ll let you know. I’m sure they can always use more chefs and volunteers.”

“No, that’d be great. Uh… before I go,” you start, knowing that you want to tell him this. “I just wanted to say… I’m glad we did this.”

“Yeah me too,” he agrees, and you can tell he means it.

“Maybe… we do it again? Keep each other company… you know. Virtually?” you propose, hopefully.

“Yeah,” Carmy half smiles. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

And as the pandemic drags on, you find yourself FaceTiming with Carmy more and more. Once a week turns into once a week and a consistent exchange of texts. He shares with you the recipes he’s working on. You bounce ideas around with him on dishes he feels stuck on. You send him silly memes and TikToks, even though he refuses to get an account himself. Once a week turns into twice a week, and then phone calls, and soon enough, you don’t go a day without talking to Carmy in some capacity.

You’re not sure how you’ve done it but you think that maybe you and Carmy just might be friends.

May 2020:

“Thanks so much for all the help guys. It means a lot. Especially having two chefs of your caliber,” the volunteer coordinator says, addressing both you and Carmy.

“Listen, we’re just happy to be a part of something right now. With so much going on… it’s hard to know where to begin helping,” you reply with gratitude. You’re genuinely thankful that you’ve been able to be a part of World Central Kitchen’s COVID relief efforts, and you know Carmy feels the same.

“We’ll see you guys next Friday?” the volunteer coordinator asks.

“Heard,” Carmy answers, thanking the coordinator one more time before the two of you leave the building.

Around the corner, there’s a bench that the two of you find. It’s an easy choice to sit down – neither of you are quite ready to go home yet. You sit on opposite sides before removing your masks as Carmy pulls out a pack of marlboros.

“You want one?” he asks you, holding out the pack.

“Yeah,” you agree, taking one from him at a distance. You watch him light up, before handing you the lighter he keeps in his jean jacket pocket.

It’s nice to take a moment to pause. Between the chaos of being in a kitchen again to the chaos of the world around you, it feels good to smoke a fucking cigarette on a street corner with the man that’s so unexpectedly become your friend. The two of you sit in a comfortable silence, just enjoying the sounds of the city, each others’ company, and your fuckin’ cancer sticks.

You break the silence between the two of you, letting out the smallest chuckle.

“What?” Carmy asks you, your laugh garnering his attention.

“It’s just… it’s almost funny,” you say, continuing your giggle.

“What?” he asks you again, a look of amusement on his face. He can’t imagine what must be so funny.

“Just… seeing you here… Mr. Fine Dining…makin’ sandwiches,” you tease playfully. “Thought you were too fancy-pants for that.”

“Fuck off,” he rolls his eyes playfully, sucking on his cigarette as he inhales. You laugh again as he shakes his head, shooting you another look.

He takes his time, exhaling the smoke out in the opposite direction, before addressing your playful remarks.

“Nah. It uh-, actually reminds me of my family’s place a little. Back home,” he shares with you.

It catches you off guard. Carmy rarely ever talks about home, let alone his family.

“Yeah?” you ask curiously, hoping he’ll elaborate.

“Yeah,” he answers with a nod, before placing the cigarette back in between his lips.

To your disappointment, you realize that’s all he’s planning to share. You resign yourself, taking another drag of your cigarette as the two of you smoke to the sounds of the city. After a long shift at the volunteer kitchen, your exhaustion begins to catch up with you. It’s been a few months since you’ve had to stand for that long, and as exhilarating as it’s been, you can feel the fatigue in your back and your feet already.

“So… I was thinkin’ about something,” Carmy says, breaking the silence between the two of you.

You angle your body towards him before asking, “What’s that?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s dumb.”

He’s suddenly shy, and your eyes flicker over his cheeks that have turned a darker shade of red than they were before.

“Carmy, what is it?” you ask, leaning towards him, now intrigued.

He avoids your gaze before he replies, “Nah. Nevermind. It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not! What is it?” you continue to press him.

You’re not going to let this go.

“I shouldn't've said anything.”

He sighs, taking one more drag of his cigarette before leaning forward and tossing it on the ground. His left foot hovers over the cigarette butt as he stamps it out, his forearms resting on his legs as he finally turns to you again.

“I don’t know how you feel about it, and you can totally say no because like… shit’s still fucked, you know but-,” he starts, shyly. Was Carmy about to ask you out?

He pauses, his eyes scanning the pavement beneath his feet before saying, “It’s just-, I’m not like, seeing anyone else in person. Except you.”

“Yeah, no me either,” you agree.

Where was this going?

“Would you maybe wanna-?” he asks, before trailing off, his piercing blue eyes so intense it feels like he’s looking right through you. He nods towards the kitchen before continuing with, “... see each other in person. Like outside of here. As long as we’re being safe you know?”

You nod, quick to put the poor man at ease, and only a little intrigued as to why it was so difficult for him to ask you that.

“Yeah no. I’m not seeing anyone else in person either. And at this point if we had COVID, we’d probably already have exposed each other, right?” you reply.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“Yeah, I’d be down. To… you know. Maybe move some of our FaceTimes… in person, if that’s what you mean,” you agree, a smile on your face.

You’re not sure what you expected, but you weren’t expecting for Carmy to ask you to become his quarantine buddy – even if you’d already kind of been doing it anyways.

“Cool,” he says, taking a breath.

You can tell that it was a big deal for him – to ask you that – even if he doesn’t want to show it.

“Can I walk you home?” he asks.

You smile in return, “Yeah. And if you’re feeling wild… we can… pick something up on the way there. You can come up and hang.”

“No, yeah. That uh-, that sounds great,” he replies, something softer in his eyes this time. “If you don’t mind. I mean-, if you want the company-.”

“Oh shut up, Berzatto,” you roll your eyes at him. You shoot him a look, even though you’re kind of loving this softer side of him.

“I wouldn’t have offered, if I didn’t.”

July 2020:

Carmen Berzatto becomes an unexpected yet pleasantly surprising part of your support system, and your COVID-pod. It’s hard to believe that less than a year ago, you thought the man absolutely hated you. He’s still the hot and cold, emotionally turbulent man you met last October, and he’s also become your friend. You’ve learned that he can be soft, that he’s terribly uncomfortable in any and all social situations, and that he’s the most single-minded, driven, obsessed motherfucker you’ve ever met.

By now, the restaurant has pivoted and reopened for to-gos only. It’s nothing like the fine dining establishment it was before. You’re only open Thursday to Sunday and it’s a much more family style, to-go kit sort of operation these days: to-go cocktail kits, to-go curated menus, to-go assemble your own dishes at home.

It’s strange. And it’s a strange time for all of you.

You’re finished with your shift today, ready to head home and spend the next three days off. You’re not sure when you’ll ever get three days off in a row once all of this is over, so you’ve decided that you’re just going to embrace the slower lifestyle right now. You’ve been more creative in this chapter of your life than you can remember.

“So you layin’ it down for Carmy or what?” a voice asks, jolting you from your thoughts.

“Excuse me?” you snap, turning your head to a very smug looking Nate Walker, stripping off his face mask.

“What the fuck, man?” Tim exclaims, as he’s changing back into his street shoes. “Not okay to say.”

“What?” Nate defends himself. “I’m just wondering who I have to thank. This is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen the boss man.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “Really nice, Nate.”

You shake your head, before slinging your backpack over your right arm, exchanging a look with Tim.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Carmy and I are just friends,” you correct. “Ever think that some time off has been good for all of us and that’s why Carmy’s been chill?”

“‘S not like we’re working at the same capacity we used to be. I think it’s been good for him,” Tim chimes in, trying to offer you a little backup.

“Sure,” Nate replies, unconvinced.

“What’s it to you anyways, Walker?” Tim asks, putting the spotlight on his coworker.

“Nothin’,” Nate replies, defensively. “Just noticed you guys spendin’ a lot of time together lately. Besides, the guy could use a good lay.”

“You’re a child,” you snap with an eye roll. You slide your left arm into the other strap of your backpack, ready to leave. “Now if we’re done with the girl talk, I’m going home.”

As you begin to walk away, you can hear Nate defending himself as Tim points out how inappropriate it was for him to say that to you. You’re grateful for people like Tim, because you’re not sure that Nate would listen to anyone else lower in the French brigade system – let alone a woman.

“We still on for tomorrow?” Carmy asks you, as you're on your way out. He’s still in his chef whites because, as the both of you know, he’s going to be the last person to leave. A smile spreads across your face as soon as you see him.

That’s right. You’re spending your day off tomorrow with him.

“Yeah,” you smile with a nod.

“Mine or yours?” he asks.

You shoot him a look – a ‘I know you haven’t cleaned up your place’ kind of look.

“Mine,” you reply.

“Sweet. There’s a cool market nearby I wanted to check out. I’ll pick somethin’ up on the way,” he says back.

“Heard.”

You wait a beat before adding, “Try not to work too hard, chef.”

He likes that you’re looking out for him.

He smiles, “Heard.”

As much as you’ve tried not to let Nate Walker get to you, you can’t stop thinking about what he said the day before. Did people think you and Carmy were sleeping together? Did the whole staff think you were trying to sleep your way to the top? Your mind races, and you notice the anxious feelings you have have settled deep in your chest. Carmy moves around your kitchen, intentionally, and while you’d like to enjoy how happy he looks when he cooks for fun, you can’t seem to shut off your brain.

“You sure I can’t help? I went to culinary school too, yknow?” you ask, trying to put on your best lighthearted tone.

“Nah,” he dismisses, pulling together a sauce in one of the glass bowls you keep in your kitchen for prep.

As Carmy steals a glance your way, he’s surprised to find that whatever weight it seems you were carrying when he first walked in, hasn’t gone away. He returns his focus to the stovetop, shaking the stainless clad frying pan that holds his precisely-cut lardons.

“What’s up?” he asks you, keeping his back to you.

“Uh… nothing,” you reply, trying your best to shake it off.

He knows you’re lying, and he turns to look at you again, more intently this time. Your lips are pressed together in a thin line and there’s a new tension knitted between your brows that’s not normally there. As much as you’re trying not to let it get to you, your face betrays you and he knows that something’s been bothering you all day. He shoots you an unconvinced look and you sigh in defeat.

Since when had Carmy learned what that look meant.

“Just-, you’re gonna think it’s dumb,” you start, almost embarrassed that you have to bring this up to him.

“What’s up?” he asks, patiently.

You shrug, “Just something that Nate said yesterday’s been… bothering me, I guess.”

He rolls his eyes, letting out a dry laugh as he asks you, “Well Nate’s a dick. What’d he say?”

“I-, I don’t know if I should tell you,” you admit hesitantly.

“Why?” he asks, a pang of nerves hitting him right in the gut.

You wait a beat, trying to figure out how best to convey what Nate said without freaking Carmy out.

“He uh… he kind of… suggested that everyone thinks we’re sleeping together?” you say cautiously, your voice going up at the end of the sentence, almost as if it were a question.

“Oh,” is all Carmy manages to get out.

“Yeah,” you exhale.

“Well, we’re not,” Carmy replies, simply.

Right.

“Right,” you agree.

You’re surprised by the feeling of disappointment that wells in your chest in response to Carmy’s reply. This had been eating away at you and for him to shut it down so quickly – like it was that simple – doesn’t quite make sense to you.

Maybe it’s because men never bear the burden of an inappropriate workplace relationship, not that you’re having one with Carmy, but you know it’d be a bigger cost to you than it’d ever be for him.

“I just…” you start, beginning to understand why it’s bothering you so much. “Do you think… like is it a problem that we’re hanging out? I mean, you are kind of my boss and… I don’t know. I guess we never really talked about the ethical implications of… you know. Us. Being friends. And also working together.”

Friends.

Right.

Maybe because it’s because he’s never really had friends, let alone a girlfriend, that catches Carmy off guard.

You’re just friends, motherfucker, Carmy thinks to himself.

It’s like he’d almost forgotten.

Perhaps it’s the isolation – the way of the world right now – but he’s never thought about what you were to him. Ever since the two of you had decided to start spending time together, it had been you and him against a very scary and uncertain world. Carmy’s surprised to find that, hearing it said aloud, friends, leaves him with a feeling of dissatisfaction – like the word friend didn’t quite describe the way he felt about you.

But he’s terrified to think about what that could mean. That anything else would probably scare you away – push you out of his life – and there’s no way in hell he’s going to let that happen right now.

Because he likes this too much.

Because he likes who he is when he’s with you.

Because you’re all he has.

He pushes the thoughts out of his mind for another time, because right now, you’re sitting right in front of him, and he’s got a problem to solve for you.

“As long as we’re professional in the kitchen… I don’t see why it should be a problem,” he says.

You’re not sure how it seems so simple for him, because it doesn’t feel this simple for you.

“Yeah, no. I-, I agree,” you lie.

Carmy returns to what he’s doing, and you accept that that’s probably the full conversation that you’re going to have with him. At least right now. You watch as he continues to cook, pulling together the sauce as he tosses the pasta and cheese in your frying pan. You open up your phone, scrolling through a few social media posts to try your best to get your mind off of your worries as Carmy finishes up in your kitchen.

It’s not long before he’s returned to your small dining table. You set your phone down, watching as he approaches you.

“I remember you mentioning that it’s hard to find a good carbonara so uh… thought I’d make you one,” he says confidently. Carmy hands you bowl containing a perfectly twirled nest of spaghetti, along with a fork he’d gotten from your kitchen.

“How do I know it’s gonna be up to my standards?” you challenge him playfully.

He shoots you a ‘don’t play with me’ kind of look and you giggle in response. You exchange glances with Carmy before messing up the perfectly plated nest by digging your fork into it.

“Make sure you get a little bit of everything,” he reminds you. He watches as you twirl the spaghetti around your fork, making sure to scoop up a bit of crispy guanciale. You lift the fork to your mouth before taking a bite, your eyes closing as the salty, cheesy, bite hits your tongue.

It’s perfect.

“Holy fuck,” you practically moan in response to your first bite. You open your eyes and he smiles back at you, proud of the response he’s earned from you. Your face twists into a look that falls somewhere between ‘this is so good I’m angry and hello, I’ve reached nirvana.’

“This-, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m pretty sure your talents are being wasted on fine dining, my friend. This is… this is fucking unreal, dude,” you say, as you continuing processing the most perfect carbonara you’ve ever had in your life.

“No offense taken,” he says.

You shake your head at him, “Best carbonara ever.”

September 2020:

“So we go upstate, and we’re searching for outdoor activities we can do, you know, safely, at a distance, with masks on. And we end up at this goat farm,” Maya says, describing her and her fiance’s last few months spent in upstate New York.

“...Was the goat named Milo?” Carmy asks, a humorous tone to his question.

“Carmy!” you exclaim with a laugh, shooting him a look.

“What?” he asks back.

Both Liz, Maya, and her fiance Patrick send you questioning looks.

“I-, it’s an inside joke,” you explain, shaking your head once again in response to Carmy’s very silly interjection.

“Anyways, it’s so nice to be back in the city. Seriously, Liz, thanks for organizing this,” Maya continues.

“Oh, I’m kind of getting really into this whole cute picnic thing actually,” she replies, in reference to the picnic she’s organized for the five of you. “Plus, the to-go picnic kit has been killing at the restaurant. Thanks for letting me run with that, chef.”

“No, yeah. You’re killin’ it. It was a great idea,” Carmy compliments.

The five of you spend time in the park, catching up and enjoying time spent in person for the first time in a long time. You, Liz, and Carmy have been back at work, pushing through, what will hopefully be, the last month or so in the to-go only business at the restaurant. As the sun begins to come down, you all agree that it’s time to pack it up and go home. You’ve begun to collect all of the trash in a brown paper bag as Carmy offers to take it.

“You sure?” you ask him.

“Yeah,” he answers.

As he takes a walk, in search of the nearest trash can, your friends are immediately on you about whatever the hell it is that you and Carmy are doing.

“So what I’m hearing is… you talk every day, you have inside jokes together, and you’re basically quarantining together. How are you trying to tell us that this man is not your boyfriend?!” Maya exclaims. Her partner shrugs in agreement.

“I know that what Nate said was hella inappropriate, but he’s not wrong… that this is the most I’ve seen him relaxed in… maybe since we met him,” Liz adds in as your friends make their case.

“He seems into you,” Patrick offers.

“I-,” you start, knowing you don’t have much time before Carmy returns. “I don’t know. All I know is… I like what we have. And right now, we’re friends so.”

“God, you’re so good at it,” Maya sighs.

“What?” you ask, looking from her to Liz as they exchange glances.

The both turn to you, before saying in unison, “Compartmentalizing!”

Patrick holds his hands up as he says, “I’m gonna stay out of this one.”

“You ready to go?” Carmy asks, rejoining you and your friends.

You can practically feel Liz and Maya staring at you.

“Yeah,” you reply to Carmy.

You say your goodbyes before going your separate ways, and Maya swears when Carmy isn’t listening that you’re not done talking about this. It’s just been you and Carmy for so long that you hadn’t thought about what it might look like to other people. Now that things were slowly reopening… you were beginning to get more questions, and maybe, you were beginning to have more questions too.

But the last time you’d tried to bring up any conversation about your relationship with Carmy, he’d shut it down and distracted you with the best carbonara you’ve ever had in your life. Not that you were complaining, definitely not, but you were hesitant to bring it up any time soon. As Carmy looks at you, there’s something about the way you look against the backdrop of the city, the setting sun, and the sparkling lights, that catches him off guard. He’s not ready to part ways with you yet.

“Can I walk you home?” Carmy offers, hopefully.

“Sure,” you nod.

read chapter three

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#carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto headcanon #the bear headcanon #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto fluff #comfort and chaos

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berylcups · 2 months

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Abbachio x stoner! Fem (if not fem, afab gender neutral) reader, nsfw one shot maybe? Where Abbachios sort of disgusted with them smoking and frying their brain and shows them that there’s other ways to relieve stress.

if you as a writer don’t smoke or condone it, then it’s up to you which “bad” habit Leone will be replacing with sex a better treatment :)

Hey there! Sorry it took so long! I took my time on this one and put my entire ✨PUSSY✨ into this work. I'm kinda rusty with my smut so I hope its good enough! Either way I hope you enjoy! 💜 Beryl

Abbacchio x Stoner!Reader- Stress Relief

CW: Weed (obviously), Self harm mention, PIV, Masturbation, Technically a FEM reader fic but can be gender neutral if you ignore 1 or 2 petnames, drinking mention, binge eating mention

Notes: Ooooh boy @_@ its been a while since I've done some smut! I hope its worth the work I put into it! Don't worry if you smoke weed or don't! Abba loves you regardless!! Bucci though...you better run. hes gonna cry as he fights you for having DRUGS. No he doesn't care its an herb. Hes going mom mode on your ass. :'( Minors DNI and everyone enjoy!

Everyone has their vexes and vices. Some people do drugs, some binge eat, some binge drink, some self harm, some chain smoke, and some blaze it. You preferred to blaze it. You tried other methods to self soothe but they never seemed to work out like weed did. Harming left scars, eating gave bellyaches, and drinking gave hangovers… you just can’t seem to win. Nothing compared to the forbidden herb that gently numbed your mind and made you stop worrying about the world around you for a few hours.

You took a deep drag of your joint and held it in until you heard the door to the balcony open up.

“Sniff sniff…ugh Y/N. You seriously smoking that shit?” Abbacchio crinkled his nose in disgust of the herbal smell.

“Uh, yeah… I’m smoking outside so you can’t exactly bitch.” You said exhaling a small cloud. “If Bucciarati has a problem with my habit he can come kick my ass.”

“I’m not going to snitch on you but he will beyond pissed knowing your using that stuff.” He scolded. “You’re better than this. Put it out and flush your stash if you don’t want him to find out. That shit is going to fry your brain.” He ordered.

“Sigh…don’t you know I don’t have a brain?” You said rubbing the joint out on the railing and went back inside with him to the restroom and sat on the end of the tub.

“Show me your stash.” He ordered.

You groaned and pulled a baggie out of your pocket with a few good sized nuggets.

“Now flush it.” He ordered.

“What are you? My dad? You’re only like a few years older than me.” You protested.

“Do it brat.”

You sighed, resigning to your fate. You were going to lose that good amount you acquired. You dropped the contents into the toilet and flushed.

“Happy..?” You glared up at him.

“Not really… Im concerned why you would even need that in the first place.” He said.

“You wouldn’t get it…” you sighed looking down away from him.

“I’m a recovering alcoholic. And I have a pretty checkered past… if you let me in, I’m sure we’ll be able to understand each other.” He said softening his tone. “Let’s go to my room and talk it out.”

You looked up to see his hand raised out towards you. You were hesitant but decided to trust him and took it, being led to his room and sat on the end of his bed.

Normally this would make you feel awkward but feeling the high took away some of that social anxiety.

“So…I guess you want to know why I’m doing stupid shit. Right?” You asked. “It’s a lot better than what I used to do- and I tried other things. They just didn’t work out. Smoking is the only thing that makes me feel better.” You explained. “I tried just about everything you can think about…you know. I’m better than I used to be.”

“Scars..? Yeah I know. I can see them when your sleeves lift up sometimes. I know it’s better than hurting yourself but you still deserve so much better. It’s not the fact that you're smoking it that bothers me. It’s the fact that you’re developing a habit. You smoke at least 4 times a day.” He confessed. “I see so much of myself in you and just feel the need to protect you. I know that sounds overbearing as fuck but that’s how I feel.”

“Oh…I see. Well we are pretty much broken. But what’s better than being drunk or high? what do you suggest as better stress reliever? If I’m not allowed to smoke, it better be a damn good idea.”

“Well…ahem…we are pretty good friends and you can always lean on me when things are difficult. I’m not the best at talking things out but have you ever thought about us being friends with benefits?” He asked as smoothly as possible without trying to show his nerves.

“..! Ah..! I never thought about that before. I trust you and find you attractive so we can do that. It’s just…ever since I broke up with my ex, I haven’t done this in a long time.” You confessed feeling the heat on your cheeks.

“I’ll treat you right. I promise.” He said tilting your face up towards his. You made eye contact deep into his ametrine eyes and could see in his soul he was telling the truth.

You two subconsciously drew closer to each other until you felt his lavender lips brush up against yours and you let your instincts take care of the rest.

You locked lips and went through a series of gentle open mouth kisses as pulled you closer to his chest.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and carded your fingers through his hair as you deepened the kiss. He groaned softly and nibbled on your lip firmly. This made you gasp and he took that opportunity to slip his tongue in mouth. You sucked on it softly and gently grazed your teeth on it.

You two fought each other orally refusing to submit. He pushed you down on your back into the bed not leaving your lips. He sucked hard on your bottom lip hard leaving it slightly swollen. You two eventually parted panting hard leaving a small string of saliva between both your lips.

He looked down at you with eyes full of lust and his cheeks were dusted red.

“Do you want me to go further? If I do, I won't be able to stop.” He warned.

You were too drunk on lust to make a verbal response, you just nodded yes hoping he knew you were in a right enough mind to consent.

You two quickly stripped down to your underwear and he jumped back on top of you, grinding his hardness into your clothed crotch.

You pulled him by the hair in response to the pleasure down to you so you could kiss him.

He kissed you deeply again and left a trail of kisses from your jaw to your ear and nibbled on it. You panted and whined as sucked a small hickey on your neck.

“You look good covered in my lipstick.” He purred as kissed and sucked his way down to your collar.

“How am I gonna hide all these marks? Everyone is gonna notice.” You whined.

“You’re just going to have to put up with wearing a turtleneck in the middle of summer. Or be comfortable and let them look. Let them know who you belong to now” he growled as he bit down.

“Ah~ that stings!” You winced as you dug your fingernails into his back.

“You can handle a little pain, brat.” He chuckled as he kissed the bite mark.

He kissed his way down your left breast all the way to your hardened nipple. He gently grazed his teeth over the sensitive bud and gave it a firm suck. In tandem as he lapped at your stiff peak he gently groped and massaged the right breast, rubbing his thumb over the right nipple.

“Oh fuck…Leone… you’re driving me crazy.” You panted. The stimulation from your breasts was causing you to grind your cloth covered cunt up against him. You could feel your underwear getting soaked from your arousal.

“It must have been a real long time for you…why else would you be acting this shameless?” He snickered as he took his hand off your breast and snaked it down to your soaking wet crotch.

“Shit Y/N… you’re soaking through these flimsy things.” He hooked a finger under the waistband of your underwear and slid them off, exposing your dripping cunt to him.

“You have a very pretty pussy bambina. I hope it can stretch out enough for me.” He purred as he spread your lips apart and slowly slipped a finger in.

“Hah…as long as you’re gentle I’m sure you’ll fit…” you shivered as you felt the pleasant intrusion.

He readjusted himself over you by your side so he could be close to you while he properly fucked you with his fingers.

“You think this tight cunt of yours can handle 8 ½ inches? Don’t forget I’m pretty thick too… I doubt you were fucked by anyone with experience either.” He panted as he nibbled on your ear and curled his finger to brush up against your sensitive spot.

“Let me know when you’re ready for another finger…” he reminded you as he continued to thrust into your drooling cunt.

“Ha…another please…” you moaned softly.

He obeyed and worked a 2nd finger into your tight cunt.

“Hmm…”please”? You’re begging already? I must be doing a good job.” He gently teased.

He thrusted his fingers in at a steady rhythm, using his thumb to gently rub circles on your clit. The juices of your pleasure were coating his hand. Each thrust he made made a lewd wet slap sound.

“Ah~ shit… Leo—ne…” you whined gripping onto his hair making him groan and grind his erection into your side.

“Shit if you keep pulling my hair like that I’m going have no choice but to bend you in half.” He groaned as he curled his 2 fingers over your gspot.

“Oh my god~” you mewled as you arched your back. The waves of pleasure were coming with each thrust of his thick fingers. You could feel the heat pooling in your lower stomach. You were on the edge of cumming.

He could sense that you were getting close and pulled his fingers out which made you cry out in frustration.

“No whining brat. I want to feel you cum on my cock.” He smirked as he licked his wet fingers clean of your juices.

He slipped off his boxers and you looked down at his cock. He wasn’t kidding… it was massive, uncut with a thick vein running down the shaft. It was picture perfect.

He rubbed his cock between your folds to lubricate himself with your excess arousal.

“Are you ready for me?” He asked as he spread you apart.

“Yeah…please be gentle. I’m a little nervous.” You whimpered.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to force you open.” He rubbed your inner thigh as he slowly pushed himself in between your plush wet lips. “Fuck…” he groaned.

You remained relaxed as he penetrated you. You were feeling extremely full with a small sting. Thank god for your overexcited cunt making enough lube. This would hurt like hell otherwise. He made himself fully comfortable inside your plush cunt. You waited for the sting to die and then gave him the okay to start.

He grabbed you by the hips and pulled you down on to his length. He nearly pulled out and thrusted back in hard while pulling your hips close to him with each thrust.

You whined and mewled with each movement. He was taking his time to fuck slow and deep. You could feel his tip kiss your cervix with each thrust.

“Leo—ne~” you cried his name and repeated it over and over like it was a prayer.

He was slowly getting lost in the pleasure and he picked up the pace, burying his cock deeper into your molten core.

“It’s like your pussy was made for me Y/N…” he panted. “I don’t know if I want to share it…”

He caged you down to bed with his body into a missionary position, panting hard in your ear.

You pulled him by the hair to face You kissed him deeply. He licked on your lip asking for entrance and you let him in, allowing your tongues to fight for dominance.You wrapped your arms and legs around him, pulling him closer to your body.

He released from your lips to kiss down your jaw and bit down on your neck.

“Leo~ Fuck!” you cried as you yanked his hair in response.

He grabbed your left leg and threw it over his shoulder, partially bending you in half. This gave a completely new angle for his cock to fuck you in. This made you cry and mewl out in ecstasy.

“Fuck Y/N...I don’t know how long I’m gonna last.” He groaned.

“Cum inside me!” you begged.

He thrusted as hard as he could and rubbed gently on your clit. “ I want you to cum with me” He panted.

You felt that familiar feeling intensifying in your lower stomach. Your legs were quivering, the heat radiating from your cunt to the rest of your body from each clit stroke, the knot inside you was about to snap. You were dangerously close to your release.

“Leone~I’m gonna cum~”you howled as the tears began to prick the corners of your eyes.

He kissed you deeply in response and thrusted as you felt the deep warmth of his sticky release fill inside you. This took you over the edge and the knot snapped reaching your orgasm. You felt the intense tidal wave of pleasure wash over you as you felt yourself gush onto his cock. Few more waves came lowering in intensity and finally to nothing,

He pulled away from you and collapsed next to you on the bed. He pulled your body towards his as you both cuddled and basked in the afterglow.

“Wow…”you said breathlessly. “I have no words…”

“See how much better this is than smoking that green shit?” he asked.”If you ever need me, I’m always here for you.”

“Yeah it is better. But a joint is quicker and less messy.” you teased.

“Pfft, thats what quickies are for you brat.” he flicked your head in a joking sense. “But don’t come crying to me when Bucciarati rips you a new asshole.”

“I’ll do my best to rely on you from now on.” you promised.

“Good.”he kissed your forehead.

The both of you snuggled and soundly fell asleep.

#jjba #jjba part 5 #jjba x reader #leone abbachio x reader #jojo abbacchio x reader #jjba abbacchio x reader #minors dni #beryl asks

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volklana · 6 months

Text

I Could Drown Myself In Someone Like You

Part One

Title Comes From This Song:

You can find my other Biker!Bucky fic here:

Request: Hey girl I literally just found your blog and when I tell you I BINGED your Ride series. Please I beg could we have some more Biker Bucky? Maybe barmaid reader? I really don't mind as long as we get some BikerBuck!

Warnings: Mentions of unwanted physical attention. Future chapters will allude to past domestic abuse. If that isn't for you, please don't read, protect your peace and you can catch me next time xx

Bucky pulled his bike into the parking lot of his bar and grill.

A customer stepped outside to light a cigarette and the light from inside spilled out into the dark, along with the music playing inside.

Bucky was nothing if not a creature of habit, every night he would ride his bike through winding forest roads, down to the creek, and sometimes he would lay on the riverbank smoking cigarettes like he and Steve used to do when they were teenagers, before they’d gone to war, before he’d been fucked up. Before he became whatever this version of himself was.

And then in the evenings he’d pull up here to his bar and drink nearly not enough whisky to drown out the nightmares in his cabin behind the bar.

Sighing, he let himself into the bar. Steve as always was pouring drinks and chatting easily in that light hearted way he had, Bucky would have been envious if he hadn’t loved him so much. Steve had managed to hold on to all the best parts of himself, but Bucky’s were buried somewhere in a bunker in the Middle East, and even if he wanted to, he could never get them back.

Sam was busy flipping steaks at the grill and gave Bucky a wide eyed grin as Bucky passed him by and pushed the swing door into the back office.

He stilled all action at the sight of a girl in his office on top of his chair, on her tiptoes still unable to reach the top shelf as she fumbled to reach something.

“Can I help you?” he said gruffly and god damn if he didn’t startle you half to death and nearly cause you to fall off the chair.

“I’m looking for the grenadine syrup, Steve said I would find it up here.”

“Oh he did, did he?” Bucky laughed “And did he also tell you it was fine to climb all over my shit in the process?”

“No, Sir,” you offered meekly, stepping gently down off his chair “I’m sorry,” but you couldn’t fight the smile that was threatening to spread across your face.

Bucky huffed and reached over your head with ease, pressing the bottle of grenadine into your hand.

“Next time Steve sends you on a mission like that, tell him to pull his lazy, tall ass in here and reach the damn top shelf himself,”

You smiled up at him, and he felt the ghost of a butterfly in his stomach.

“I’m y/n,” you offered with a smile and he couldn’t help but return a lopsided one himself.

“Bucky,” he returned.

Bucky made your mouth water, his tight black jeans were ripped at the knees, and he wore a well worn leather jacket but it did absolutely nothing to hide his muscular frame, his hair was long and messy and was just begging for you to run your hands through it. You had to shake all thoughts of him from your head as you returned to your shift.

“What’s her story?” Bucky asked Steve, eyeing you as you made your rounds and he sipped on his whisky.

“Why do you assume she has a story?” Steve cocked his head now following you in his line of sight too.

“C’mon Steve, no one ends up here unless they have a story. They’re either running away from something, or someone. Or they’re on their way to somewhere else, and they’re simply stopping off here.”

“Bucky,” Steve sighed, clapping him on the back “You always assume the worst in people.”

“And they always prove me right,” Bucky countered while taking another sip.

As you finished mopping the floor, you made your way into the back office, looking shy, wringing your hands, nervously.

“What is it?” Bucky asked.

“Sam said to talk to you about if it would be okay to get this week’s wages upright,” Bucky could see straight away how embarrassed you were “Bucky I wouldn’t ask, but the bnb are asking for payment upright and I’m just 40 bucks short.”

Bucky was reaching into his wallet straight away and you tried to put out a hand to stop him.

“Please..Please,” Bucky shook his hand and handed you some notes, you scrunched your eyebrow at his kindness.

“Take this for tonight and I’ll get you your full wages for your shift tomorrow.”

“I’ll pay you back Sir,” you said, voice so low it was almost a whisper and he shook his head softly.

“Let me give you a ride back,” he offered and you shook your head profusely.

“You’ve done enough for me tonight,” you reminded him, notes in your hand, “I’ll see you tomorrow for my shift.”

Bucky watched you go, and again that ghost of a butterfly fluttered in his stomach and he grimaced uncomfortably.

Bucky watched you over the next few nights, always the first to your shift and always the last to leave.

And every night you refused any offer to drive you home from him, Sam or Steve.

He was filling out papers in his office when he heard a gentle knock and you were before him.

“I wanted to give you this,” you said meekly with some notes in your hand , “I can’t thank you enough Bucky.”

“Doll,” he sighed, surprising even himself with the nickname “Please keep it, consider it a welcome gift.”

“If it’s all the same I would like to give it back to you,” you smiled, placing it on his desk “It was awful kind of you and I’ll never forget it.”

Before he could even respond you had dipped out of his office and began your shift.

The bar went quiet when a particularly menacing looking gang wandered into the bar, and immediately Steve and Sam stood to attention, you were in the back fetching more pitchers.

They seemed to be scouting the area out before choosing a table at the opposite end of the bar to settle at.

Steve caught your arm as you went to take their orders “Be careful,” he nodded towards them and you went to take their orders gingerly.

Amid the wolf whistles and cat-calls you finally managed to take their orders, which you promptly relayed to Sam and Steve.

After you had successfully served their food and first round of drinks, you retreated to behind the bar before they summoned you back again.

“C’mere baby,” one of them slurred pulling you onto his lap.

You initially tried to laugh off how uncomfortable you were, but when he wouldn’t let you wrangle free, you felt trapped and felt your panic begin to rise.

“Let me go,” you tried weakly when he began to try kissing your face, trapping your hands in his much stronger ones, you tried to make pleading eye contact with Steve but he was nowhere to be seen.

As he let go of your hands to toy with the waistband of your denim jeans you finally managed to bolt free, but when he grabbed your arm and spun you around you reacted with a swift slap to his face, shocking even yourself, but you were in no way expecting the sharp sting of a returning slap, tears welling in your eyes and hand flying up instinctively to your burning skin.

Everything else passed by in a blur as you recognised Steve and Bucky kicking into action, you just about managed to get your feet to move before you were collapsing down behind the bar, feeling the all too familiar feeling of a panic attack ripping through your body and the awful sensation of not being able to breath.

It seemed like hours before Bucky was before you where you sat, rocking back and forward, hands covering your ears.

“Doll,” he tried and you cowered away from him, he got down on his hunkers and gingerly reached for you, “it’s me doll, it’s Bucky. Breathe for me. Breathe for me.”

When you finally felt like you could breathe again Bucky went to fetch a glass of water and leaned up against the counter, arms folded, he examined you over, eyes honing in on the red, swollen skin of your cheek.

“I’m so sorry Bucky,” you finally broke the silence, refusing to meet his eye.

“Hey,” he shushed, dropping down to his hunkers in front of you again “You have nothing to apologise for!”

You couldn’t help the tears that sprung to your eyes with shame and you wanted the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

You rolled your eyes and sniffed, “This was meant to be a fresh start, and it seems like trouble just follows me wherever I go.”

“What can I do doll?” Bucky said softly reaching out to put a reassuring hand on your knee, it was only then you realised his knuckles were bloody.

You realised with a startle that he had got his knuckles bloody for you.

“Can you take me home Buck,” you asked swiping your thumb over his knuckles, your silent thank you for the trouble they had gone to on your behalf.

Bucky pulled into the parking space of the bnb, and helped you take your motorcycle helmet off.

It had been weeks since you first reached town and Bucky was curious.

“What are you still doing here? You don’t want to find somewhere proper?”

“Nobody will rent to me,” you said sadly “I’ve tried everywhere. Even that shack out by the creek that’s been abandoned since before we were born. Nobody wants to rent to me because I’m an outsider.”

Bucky was suddenly angry at how the town had been treating you.

“Thank you for taking me home and I’m so sorry about tonight,” you said softly and Bucky turned to examine your face, thumb brushing over your cheekbone, your eyes fluttered closed at the touch and something jolted inside Bucky.

“You sure you’re okay?” he whispered and you nodded softly.

You stood gently on your tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, “I’ll see you tomorrow Buck.”

Bucky tossed and turned all night. He had briefly fallen asleep only to once again be woken by a nightmare. The same one. That same bunker. That same chair. But then something unexpected, when he tried to close his eyes again, your eyes were staring back at him, and if he was honest that was what was keeping him awake. He knew he was in trouble….

“Keep your coat on y/n,” Bucky ordered as you arrived for your shift.

“What? Why?” you cried, fearing you were being let go, Bucky huffed a laugh at your horrified expression, “Doll, you’re not fired. We’re taking a little road trip.”

You climbed onto his bike and held on tight to his torso, winding through Californian redwoods, the mountain air all around you.

Bucky finally pulled onto a little dirt track that led up to an opening in the trees and a singular cabin stood against the backdrop of a small lake.

“Come on,” he motioned, removing your helmet, and leading you inside.

It was cosy, the living room and kitchen were open plan and there was an old cast iron log burner in the middle of the room with logs stacked either side of it.

There was one room off the side which you assumed was the bedroom.

“Well, what do you think?” Bucky asked motioning around.

“It’s beautiful Buck,” you said, still unsure why he had brought you here “It’s a beautiful home.”

“It’s yours,” Bucky stated simply, back turned to you and hands on his hips.

“What?” you almost shrieked and he replied in the same nonchalant tone “It’s yours!”

“Bucky, wait!” you deadpanned, catching his shoulder and forcing him to turn around to look at you, eyes scanning his face until he conceded.

“It was my Mom’s cottage, and seeing as she’s not here anymore and I’ve got my place at the bar, I think you should have it, you can’t stay at that bnb forever. You need a place of your own.Plus it’s about time some life was breathed back into this place ”

“Buck,” you cried, eyes watering, not letting go of your hold on him “Are you sure?”

“It’s yours doll,” he whispered, eyes flicking briefly down to your lips, “For as long as you choose to stay, and I hope you do stay, it’s yours,”

You extended your hand out to him “You take the rent out of my wages,” you ordered, waiting for him to shake on your deal.

“Doll,” he sighed “The place was lying empty, I'm not going to charge you rent,” you looked like you were about to argue when he stuck his hand out too, “Counter offer, if you do this place up. Make it somewhere lived in and beautiful. Somewhere my Ma would be proud to look down on, then we’re quits.”

You nodded and shook his hand ferociously, tears threatening to spill.

“Thank you Bucky,” you whispered, pulling him into a hug and relishing in the feel of his strong arms around you, and your heart hammered in your chest when he placed a gentle kiss on your head.

After a month or two of working at the bar you had saved enough to buy a second hand, beaten up old pickup truck, and Sam brought you out to pick it up.

“Are you sure you want this hunk of junk y/n?” he argued but you were enamored and being able to drive it home to your cabin filled you with an enormous amount of peace.

You had been growing closer and closer with Bucky, sometimes he would stop by on your days off to do some of the diy you pestered him about on your shifts and if you were honest you really enjoyed the company.

The first few nights on your own in the cabin had been nothing short of terrifying. You weren’t used to being alone and on the second night a huge storm knocked all your power out and you shivered in bed all night terrified of the darkness.

Bucky came around the next morning and fixed your generator so that would never happen again.

“There,” Bucky sighed “All done!”

You came to join him on the porch and passed him a bottle of beer and he flicked a switch and the fairy lights he had hung all around the cottage flickered to light.

“They’re beautiful Buck,” you smiled, hugging him tightly, eyes lighting up like a child as you looked up at them.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he said softly, hands coming to rest on your waist, and his breath on your neck made you shiver.

“Bucky,” you tried softly but he cut you off with a kiss. You melted into his touch completely and he gently became more ferocious in the way he clasped your body and kissed your lips.

He backed you through the open door of the cottage until you collapsed down on the sofa and he climbed on top of you, he was making quick work of your shirt when you finally came to your senses.

“Wait, Wait,” you panted, hands planting on his chest “Maybe we should slow down for a moment.”

“You want me to slow it down baby doll?” he panted and you nodded gently.

“I’m not ready Buck,” you cried and Bucky suddenly noticed how terrified you looked, feeling guilty that he had pushed you to a place you weren’t ready for yet.

“I can wait babygirl,” he promised, cupping your face in both of his hands “I can wait.”

“Bucky, no. No.” you cried, pushing him away with your leg and running your hands through your hair, “I can’t do this,” you cried.

Bucky sat still on your sofa not quite sure what to do for a moment “You don’t want this?”

You shook your head, tears springing to your eyes “It’s not that Buck, it's just I can’t be what you need right now. I can’t be with you like this.”

“What do you think I need?” he rose gently “All I need is you,” he countered

“Hey, hey, why are you crying?” he shushed brushing your hair behind your ears “Don’t cry.”

“Please Buck,” you were pleading, “Please can you just leave, I can't do this. It’s too much for me.”

Bucky was torn between wanting to assure you some more and respecting your request for him to leave. He hesitated just a moment too long for you to take it the wrong way completely, your eyes were wide and ferocious like an animal that had been cornered.

He scratched the back of his neck before he could find his voice “Doll, if I’ve read this wrong-”

“-You have,” you snapped “You’ve read this wrong and I need you to leave now, please,” you paced until you found his leather jacket hanging across the back of a chair and tossed it to him.

He couldn’t help the anger of rejection that rose up in his chest, and the shame for having read the situation so wrong.

“Fine. Fine. I’m going,” he sighed, pulling his jacket on and stomping towards the door.

“You know what..” he started one hand on the handle, but stopping to face you “Forget it,” he deadpanned, pulling the door open and slamming it behind him.

Work the next few days were less awkward than expected, Bucky and his bike were nowhere to be seen. You’d heard Steve mention to Sam that he was worried that Bucky was gone on another whisky fuelled bender and you couldn’t help the pang of guilt that gnawed away at your stomach.

Days turned into a week with no contact from Bucky and the guilt was eating you alive. You had texted him days ago to apologise, and asking if you could talk it out and explain, but he never replied. Not only were you angry with yourself for fucking everything up but now you were really beginning to worry.

You were closing the bar by yourself tonight, it was a quiet Tuesday night and business was slow. You knew Steve had a date after work so you dismissed him early so he could go buy her some flowers he’d kissed you on the cheek and almost skipped out of the bar.

It gave you the opportunity to pop your headphones in and listen to your music as you mopped and cleaned.

It was nice to do a deep a clean without Steve or Sam trying to hurry you out.

And as you made your way into the back office to put away the takings into the safe your heart almost fell out of your chest.

Bucky was laying back in his office chair, eyes squeezed shut while some girl with her skirt hitched up at the sides was grinding her hips on him, her own head thrown back in ecstasy as she rode him.

You froze on the spot, you couldn't help the way your stomach sank to your toes in a feeling of betrayal, or the way your eyes stung with tears.

Bucky wasn’t yours, you had seen to that with your stupidity the other night so you had no right to feel the way you were right now and when his electric eyes suddenly bore into yours with an expression you honestly couldn’t read you were backing out of his office quicker than lightning.

He followed you out into the carpark catching you just as you were about to climb into your truck.

“Doll,” he reached for you exasperated, “Doll wait, please.”

You turned to face him, tears rolling down your cheeks, and he reached for you gently, relieved when you didn’t bat him away as he cupped your face.

“I have no right to be crying,” you sighed.

“I don’t understand,” He stuttered, somewhere between annoyed and confused,” I thought you didn’t want me?”

“Bucky, of course I-” You were about to answer when Bucky’s name being yelled across the lot caught both of your attention.

“What the fuck is this?” The girl who had been with Bucky only moments before came storming over and smacked him straight across the face as hard as she could.

“You always fucking do this shit James,” she cried “This is the last fucking time.”

She looked at you genuinely hurt and for a moment you wanted to apologise, until her expression turned to contempt.

“Seriously, this is who you keep blowing me off for?” she huffed out a laugh, “Good luck with that, you’ll be crawling back to me in no time.” You felt yourself shrink down to half your size under her words.

She took one last seething glare at Bucky before smacking him again and he made no move to stop her, watching guiltily as she stormed away.

“I deserved that,” he said glumly, you made a face to argue when he cut you off, “No doll, I truly deserve it. Hell if you wanted to have a pop too I would understand.”

“Buck,I don’t want to slap you” you sighed and he ran a hand through his hair before kicking at the dirt.

“Then what the hell do you want y/n? Goddamn it.”

You were floundering like a fish out of water, trying to grasp at words and coming up short.

“You wouldn’t understand,” you tried and he cut you off with a pointed finger.

“Don’t give me that shit,” he warned “You literally could not throw me out faster the other day and then you turn up crying when I’m clearly fucking trying to get over you so what is it? You don’t want me but you don’t want anyone else to have me?”

“No,” you scoffed, your own anger rising now too.

“No” he repeated exasperatedly, “So what do you want?”

“I- I don’t know,” you mumbled.

“You don’t know?” he goaded and goddamn was he intimidating, looking at you like a predator stalks his prey, waiting for an answer to pounce “Well, I sure as shit can’t figure that out for you sweetheart,” he sighed, running the back of his hand across his lips, before spitting on the ground.

You were not used to this Bucky, this agitated, whiskey drunk version of him. The one most people were used to. But not you.

“Look, just go,” he sighed eventually, the tension between you thick enough to cut with a knife.

“I don’t know what you want, but it sure as shit ain’t me. And I'm done with whatever the fuck this is.”

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears, tears welling in your eyes as you reached for the handle of your truck door and pulled it open, gasping back in fright when Bucky slammed it closed suddenly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He looked like he was going to yell at you but nothing could have prepared you for what came next.

“Don’t go,” he pleaded. “Please don’t go,”

Trapped between his body and the door of your truck you melted into his touch, whimpering as he leaned forward to capture your lips with his own demanding ones.

Tagging:

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#bucky x reader #biker!bucky #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky x reader angst #bucky barnes au #biker #volklana writes

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deja-yu · 1 year

Text

One last deal - Jung Wooyoung Chapter 1/?

Synopsis: You end up having to make a deal with a demon, you decide he can be your pretend boyfriend for a month to get your parents off your back.

Fake dating trope, Demon!Wooyoung

2.9K

Warnings (for this chapter only!): small mention of death and Wooyoung can't be called by his name, so he is mostly referred to as Demon or Woo.

It had been a while since you found yourself stumbling through the rooms of a loud houseparty, you blame your friend who insisted you were getting boring. But as you side-step some puke on the floor you feel like you were very much having a better time being boring. Face scrunching up in disgust you continue, trying to push your way to the living room, just wanting to find your friend and drag her home, refusing to leave her alone here. Tiptoeing to look through the crowd trying to find her, you wonder who in their right mind enjoys having this many people in their house. You spot her on the far side of the room, somewhat relieved she looks incredibly annoyed at the guy trying to talk her up. Should make it easy to convince her to leave. When you are half way through the room you get dragged along when everyone suddenly turns to a commotion near the couches. You groan trying to get past some guys. The room is growing so quiet you can’t help but try and peek to see the reason for all the commotion, or lack thereof. When you see a haphazardly drawn (of course) pentagram with a variety of symbols, you can’t help but roll your eyes. Deciding to use the moment of peace to finally reach your friend. Whoever created the drawings starts chanting, you deduct it’s two people but don’t look over. An eerie feeling settles in you and when you meet your friend's eye she looks equally perturbed. So with a silent nod towards the door and an agreeing nod in return from your friend, you hold each other's hands and shuffle out the room. As you open the front door the chanting stops and you and your friend look back, when the group of drunks starts cheering you take your first step through the open door. But you hit another body with a thud, jumping slightly from the surprise, he definitely wasn’t there when you opened the door. A hand is quick at your side to steady you from the scare. “Sorry” you mumble taking a step back, to separate from what you see is a handsome man your age. He just looks at you as a smile tugs at his lips. “I wouldn’t go inside” you joke when you pass him with your friend in tow.

Once in your car the two of you burst out laughing, “I hate you” you get out between laughs and your friend admits this was by far the worst party she has ever been to. “It was that hot co-worker who invited me, I swear if I knew it was a glorified frat party I wouldn’t have brought us here” shaking your head you get ready to drive home. On the way asking if your friend wants to stay over to which she happily agrees.

After finally getting to have a drink yourself in the comfort of your home, you binge some trashy show with your friend. “Hey what are you doing!” your friend complains when you pause the episode. “I need to pee!” stumbling towards the bathroom you hear her giggle behind you “Go piss girl!”.

The water is freezing when you go to wash your hands and it sends a shiver down your spine, frowning knowing damn well you paid your bills on time. Deciding you’d let your sober self deal with it you open the bathroom door to return to the comfort of your couch. You scream as a dark figure seems to lean against the wall across the door, your heart dropping while at the same time getting caught in your throat. But the smoke(?), the shadow(?), the figure… dissipates before the door is fully open. Your friend comes to your rescue as you stand frozen in place. “What the hell?? What happened?” not sure yourself you stammer out what you saw, your friend gives you a raised eyebrow. “I think you’ve had enough to drink” she mumbles while tugging you back to the room. Replacing the drinks with two cups of water before starting the show again. But the atmosphere doesn’t go back to the light hearted one from before, feeling on edge as goosebumps run down your skin. The two of you decide to call it a night when the episode ends.

The soft snores of your friend do nothing to calm your nerves, the sounds of your apartment and the world outside to which you had gotten so used to are suddenly spiking your heart rate with each passing moment. And worst of all, you really had to pee. After another few minutes of internal struggle you decide that the party earlier tonight just freaked you out and it was indeed some drunk apparition that scared the crap out of you. Taking a deep breath before getting out of the warm bed, the light from your lock screen allows you to get out of the bedroom without waking your friend. Flicking on the hallway light, you let out a breath more at ease now that you’re in proper light. This time after you finish you open the door with some hesitation, but the hallway is without dark figures this time. Not really wanting to go back to bed and stare at the ceiling again, you put on a comfort show on the tv with low volume. Settled comfortably on the couch, your eyes get droopy and soon enough you are finally asleep.

You are somewhat aware that you fell asleep and are dreaming. Finding yourself on a bench overlooking an empty park. The lack of other people, pets or even birds gave you an eerie feeling. “Can I take a seat?” as if out of nowhere the man next to you appears, you look from him to the seat. “Oh, sure” when you look at him again you recognize him as the guy you bumped into while leaving the party. He watches your eyes squint at him in suspicion and chuckles but takes the seat next to you nonetheless. “You were the first person to talk to me at the party” he says, and you wonder if you're still drunk in your dream. Being unable to stop the huh? that leaves you. “At the party, they did the summoning” finger pointing from himself to you to emphasise the same words “You were the first one to speak to me”. So… that clears up nothing for you. For a moment he studies your face, which is radiating questions, he sighs. “The first one to speak is the one who can make the deal. You summoned me and talked to me first, why did you leave?” though he says it with slight sarcasm he has the audacity to pout! A broken laugh comes out of you when you exhale, muttering under your breath what a weird dream you were having. “You’re not dreaming, you just screamed when I tried to talk to you earlier” gasping you pull a face of disgust “Why the hell would you try and talk to me after listening in on me pee”, his ears flush red and he laughs awkwardly, “It was just unfortunate timing, I had been looking for you” which isn’t really a good defence and he seems to catch on quickly adding “I am tied to you, I don’t really have a choice”.

This was ridiculous, you just needed to wake up and put that weird party behind you. You get up from the bench and start walking away. It takes the man by surprise who quickly shoots up while stammering, following your steps. “You can’t leave! I won’t let you” as you stop a bit too suddenly the guy bumping into your back, breathing a sorry under their breath as you turn to him. He seems to shrink under your gaze and apologises once more, for what he wasn’t too sure of. “You need to explain this to me, if this isn’t some weird dream I am having then explain it to me. I have no idea who you are or where I am. Whoever you think I am or what I did…” halting in your words, the sense of dread washes over you tenfold “am I dying?”. He perks up waving his hand in front of him panicked “No! Let me explain, let’s sit again okay?” he turns and the bench that you most definitely walked away from is right by where you're standing. When you finally sit next to him with a sigh he starts explaining.

At the party the circle and the chanting it did summon something, and that something was the man… the demon before you. As the house was filled with people he found himself on the porch, the door open and there you were. Continuing to explain how once summoned a demon can’t leave before completing his end of a deal. “But we made no deal” humming in acknowledgement he explains that he assumed it was a mistake after seeing the party inside, but he found himself unable to venture home. Stuck to you via an invisible string. “I’m not selling you my soul just because I was at the wrong place” and he laughs at that, “The offer was already made, they put in 500 collectively, they’ll probably spend tomorrow morning accusing one another of taking the money” pulling out a stack of bills in an effort to prove himself. “Wouldn’t you have to have a deal before you could accept the offer?” he snickers, huffing out “Details” in the same breath. “Just tell me what you want? We can both go on our way again” you pause for a moment before your mind jumps between ideas. Could you ask him for the endless amount of money in your bank, but he looks a bit too happy with his 500 so you don’t know if a money based request will go over well. Then you remember your parents coming over next week, who are adamant about finding you a partner so you can finally settle down. Because no matter how many times you told them you weren’t meeting anyone interesting enough, didn’t want to settle down or even think about kids, they were not giving up. The anxiety that this back and forth has been giving you washes over you blurting out “Be my boyfriend for a month” he visibly jumps in his seat at the suddenness.

There is a pause before he bursts out laughing and your cheeks heat up, embarrassed but managing to giggle alongside him. “No wait” “Too late!” putting his hand out for you to shake your eyes flick from that to his face. “Deals, a deal” wiggling his hand he chuckles “Come on, won’t you shake a poor sinner's hand”. Deciding to keep the question: you’ve seen princess and the frog? for later, you shake his hand.

In the blink of an eye you find yourself back on your own couch. Firstly scanning your room, even jumping up and checking the hall through the peephole. But the strange demon was nowhere to be found. Checking the time, it was almost five. Not sure if you really just had a crazy dream or if the demon would actually become your pretend boyfriend for a month. You decide to think it all over in your own bed, managing to get back under sheets without waking up your friend. Somehow falling asleep even after all that in the matter of minutes. Body somehow exhausted and as you fall into slumber you know it wasn’t a dream, you hadn’t slept at all.

“Don’t have any more scares now that I’m not here to save you” your friend teases before making her way out the door. Rolling your eyes you turn back to your living room, heart dropping when the demon of whom you still didn’t know the name was lounging comfortably on the couch. “Darling~!” said with a hint of sarcasm he welcomed you back into the room with a cheshire grin. “What’s your name? I didn’t ask last night” the smile falls from his face, “I can’t tell you”. Huffing out a why not as go to grab yourself a drink, hesitating before grabbing the demon one too. “I don’t know my name, it’s one of the things I lost when I became a demon. I know it starts with Woo. It’s how a demon is set free” he takes the drink from you and you swat his legs away to sit down. “How do you know?” something you can only describe as sorrow washes over his face, “I had a friend, once his name was said to him, he lost all his powers. He died” you choke on your drink at the sudden confession, “I’m sorry” you manage to say once you calm down from the coughing fit. “It’s alright, I just wish I got to go with him. I haven't really had friends since, most demons do actually suck”, there is a moment of silence, unsure what to say next. It hasn’t even been 5 minutes.

“Why do you need me to be your boyfriend? I don’t even know your name” He seems quick to recover from the sad memory he just shared. "I’m Y/N” You quickly answer, “My parents haven't stopped bothering me about it and it seemed on the simpler side. I thought about a work promotion but I would just feel cheated?" he snorts "I have to say you're the first who says that. It wouldn’t be because you deserve it no, so I guess I get where you are coming from. I make it happen it doesn't matter how close or how far the promotion was from actually happening without me" nodding you’re glad you didn't pick that, you know you were close to one and you worked hard for it, making a demon arrange it would mean you wasted your own hard work. "When I got this job, I thought they'd leave me alone for a bit. But they just found having a well paying job even more of a reason to find someone and settle down. Me not really looking for someone myself means they try to set me up with people. I just want them to give me a break. If we date for a little and then break-up I get a post-break up buffer" Woo studies you with mischievous eyes. "A month's time, 30 days, I am yours to command, my sweetheart" the last coming out paired with a wink. You roll your eyes at him, “Tone it down, and we have been dating for half a year. If it’s too short they’ll make me move on too soon" thinking about it for a moment before you turn to him. "Can you make it look like we have been together for a while?" he scoffs at the lack of trust in his demonic powers, “anything you want, I am a very giving lover” another wink shot your way. This time you launch a couch pillow at his face, after being hit he gets a playful grin, like a cat waiting to pounce on its toy. “So how will we make it look like we have been dating 6 months?” you eye him, unsure if he will let your attack go without retaliating. “Oh I already took care of it, all your friends know me, your colleagues call the pictures you upload with me on insta cute, and your parents are very excited to finally meet me next week” your mouth being slightly open makes him laugh. “Check instagram if you’re curious!” doing as told you check your profile and find multiple pictures of the demon, they’re slotted in between the few things you posted over the past year. In total there are 4 posts, each being one single picture except the last one. First a picture of you in a cafe with the demon across from you, you can only see his hand on the drink but you know it’s him and the cake has two forks clearly meant to be shared. The second picture it’s dark, taken of the river, he is standing against the railing back facing the camera. The third picture is the first where you can see him fully, it’s a picture of him grinning, it’s the first time you can actually see his face. The last one has 2 pictures, these ones make a shiver run down your spine. You’re in these ones too, the first one being a silly picture of you two together and a picture of a photostrip of you two. You zoom in and see the last picture being one where you share a kiss. “I can’t believe you soft launched yourself” You look at the picture a moment longer before meeting his eyes again “This is weird” you murmur and he chuckles. “Because it didn’t happen, of course it feels kind of freaky. And I never met any of your friends, I made them aware of me being your boyfriend but they don’t (and he emphasises with air quotes) know me”.

You lean further into the pillows of your couch, kicking your legs up so they share the small space between you and the demon. “So… what now?” He smirks at the questions, “Let’s go on a date”.

Been stuck on this and posting ch1 so I can decide whether or not to continue based on the response... This is so far the only Halloween themed fic I have been able to write. I just kept rewriting so I want to have the story set so I am stuck to something instead of redoing it... again.

#wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung fanfic #wooyoung fluff #ateez x reader #ateez x y/n #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez wooyoung

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indristian · 2 years

Text

More weirdly specific König Headcanons

By an austrian for an austrian character

He can hide how drunk he is pretty well, doesn't really start slurring his words and can hold deep conversations, the gig is over as soon as he stands up tho. He starts swaying pretty badly and has walked into more than one lamppost while intoxicated. Has apologized to every lamppost so far much to the amusement of everyone watching.

He isn't very religious but if someone starts praying the rosary in German his autopilot kicks in and he joins in. Same with certain church songs.

Started smoking at age 16 (don't worry, that was the legal age for smoking until like 5 years ago, then the gov changed it to 18) and regularly tries to quit. Nowadays he mostly smokes when stressed or drunk.

Tries to make everyone on his team say "Oachkatzlschwoaf" (means tail of a squirrel in an austrian dialect), refuses to tell anyone the English meaning bc he can't pronounce the word squirrel.

He's kinda choosy about the water he drinks. Water quality in austria is really good, so you can drink the tap water in the whole country. So when he's somewhere where the water is "technically" drinkable, but has a chlorine taste he prefers drinking bottled water.

Every new years eve at midnight he listens to the blue danube waltz, as is tradition in Austria.

There's a pocket in his tac vest that's reserved for Manner Schnitten. The people that saw something pink sticking out of his vest and made fun of him for it never get offered any when he opens a pack.

(Thanks to @court-of-fairytales for reminding me the Sissi movies exist) He has seen all of the movies, in theory, but the only times he has really seen them when he and his friends/teammates were "Sissi saufen" (saufen meaning drinking/binge drinking). It's a drinking game, mostly played around Christmas and new year, where you watch the 3 movies back to back and everytime someone in the movie says "your majesty" everyone has to stand up, say "long live the empress" and take a shot. Last man standing is the winner.

Has no visible tattoos but there's an AMA Gütesiegel stamp on his right buttcheek.

Kinds nsfw: Has absolutely quoted the "Ich will hinten rein!" ("I want in the back!" just with a lot more homoerotic implications) line when asked where he wanted to sit in a car and has gotten strange looks every time. (The movie this reference is from: (T)Raumschiff Surprise)

Kinda nsfw: He really likes talking to people in German (even if they don't really understand him) or teaching someone german words or phrases. The only thing he really hates is dirty talk in german, he'll do it if someone he's sleeping with requests it but he'll keep his face out of their sight bc he'll be 1000% be cringing.

Translates a lot of phrases literally bc the English equivalent "just doesn't have the right feel". Ends up saying things like "They look like a parcel someone ordered but never picked up", "They look like Bambi on stilts", "They have to pay attention like a clothes/shoe maker" ("aufpassen wie ein Haftelmacher", I know it as "aufpassen wie ein Haftelpitscher" but Google doesn't know it 😔) or "It's raining like the sky/like heaven is open".

Every time he sees someone with a Red Bull in their hand he has to resist the urge to say "You know, that's an austrian brand!"

The headcanons just keep coming!

And tbh after the last part I'm really tempted to make a playlist or a post compiling german songs König would get stuck in his head/would listen to. If anyone's interested please tell me!

Part one

Part two

Part four

Part five

Part six

#könig cod #könig call of duty #könig #konig call of duty #konig cod #konig #cod warzone #cod modern warfare #cod #cod mwii #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare ii #call of duty warzone #cod warzone 2.0 #warzone #modern warfare #warzone 2.0

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blkkizzat · 25 days

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Kali losing her virginity story time when

sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.

LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon

i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).

that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.

one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.

also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.

honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!

but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."

however i will say now im in the middle.

these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.

i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.

#ೃ༝💌⁀➷ 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉мαιℓ #ೃ💌⁀➷𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉αησηѕ #tw dubcon #tw drugs #° 🎀 𝒽💍𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 🎀 °

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artsandstoriesandstuff · 5 months

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Any character you want :]

⚖️ What do they want to change about their life?

🧨 How do they get themself out of a bad mood?

🔪 Generally, how do they express their anger?

🏺 Tell me about the important relationships in their life.

🎈 What was life like growing up?

Unexpected! (But very happy about it!!!)

I’ll do it for both Enid and Lou, the Robo Sleuths. :)

Enid

⚖️: Something she wants to change in her life would be her bad habits, her biggest two being binge drinking and her impulsivity. (Although, when used right, her impulsiveness isn’t the worst thing in the world…) More importantly, though, she’d like to start ‘living’.

🧨: Lying down is something she’s found that helps her relax. But talking and hanging out with people she’s close to helps, too.

🔪: When she’s angry she usually yells and scolds people and things. (What did the potted plant have to do with this? /j)

🏺: One of the important relationship(s?) from her life come from her day job friends. They aren’t the best people in the world, but they help her get by. Another very important relationship would be Lou, her companion in the Robo Sleuths. Along with working on cases together he’s actually been (directly and indirectly) helping her improve her life.

🎈: Enid had a pretty normal life at first. She lived with both her parents in the suburbs, had large extended family that came to visit, and had a couple of school friends, as one does. Her school friends, especially her high school and early college ones, peer pressured her into bad habits like drinking, smoking, etc, which greatly affected her in her later life.

Lou

⚖️: While he can’t really change anything from his PAST past, he wants to try and work toward being a better person in his future. (Lore related...)

🧨: Drinking tea and reading helps him feel better.

🔪: Normally he has a calm kind of anger, and usually just expresses it by scolding someone. Although on occasion if he gets really mad he may get a little violent. (Most prevalent with Jeremiah and Leroy.)

🏺: Although his family is very much still around, his closest bond is probably, likewise, with Enid. She was the first person to become her friend after the… incident.

🎈: He doesn’t remember.

Thanks for the ask!! :)

#robosleuths #robotdetectivesseries #character development #Series development #ask game

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javipispunk · 10 months

Text

Same as Yesterday

pre-outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: We all know “In Girl world, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.” Well, on Blackout Wednesday you can fuck anybody you want from high school and no one can say a damn thing about it. The night before Thanksgiving you are home, go out to drink and see an old flame, Joel Miller

Warnings: smut, unprotected p in v (wrap it before you tap it folks”, daddy kink, pet names (good girl, sweetheart, darlin), joels age is not specified, binge drinking culture

A/N: started this before thanksgiving but here we are mid december. shout out to @katiexpunk for the support

Word Count: 2k

It was November and you weren’t eighteen anymore. You were twenty-four and fueled by just as much hate as you had been all those years ago. But now it was different, adult anger, and when mixed with drink could rival the hell that was being a teenage girl. Here you were, home, out to the bar with friends from high school that weren’t really friends anymore. They were people you used to know who wouldn’t worry if you drank too much or went home with a stranger. Which was fine by you, one of the joys of being home actually. The biggest joy of your favorite holiday too, Blackout Wednesday. Binge Drinking and talking about the good old days with hasbeens on the Eve of Thanksgiving. Nothing like recklessness and self deprecation to get you through the holidays. Nothing like being drunk and angry to get you through talking to Joel Miller.

He was an ex, if you can even call it that because you had never even dated, at least not officially or according to him. This was the first time you’d run into him after three and a half years of no contact and him getting another girl pregnant. You’d seen him from across the room, leaning against a table with a beer in his hand. He looked good, so good that it pissed you off. You turned around immediately and half told your ‘friend’ you had to pee. Really you went outside to get some fresh air and hopefully bum a dart, a bad habit you had picked up from him of all people. You went up to two random guys asking if they had a cig and a light. Thankfully they did. The shorter guy told you you had to stay and talk to them if they let you have one. Right when you were about to reluctantly agree someone made a noise behind you. And of course it was Joel because who else would it be, definitely not one of your ‘friends who would be so worried about you.’

“Didn’t know you smoked.” He said.

“Yeah, wonder where I picked up the habit.” You said glaring at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“You always are.”

He always was. The on and off hook ups always ended just like that. He’s sorry, he’s sorry, he’s a sorry son of a bitch. But some masochist part of you wanted him to keep ruining you so he had a reason to keep apologizing to you. Each sorry fell like honey off his tongue, golden and sickly sweet when it got to be too much. He looked at you with deep sad eyes, begging you to let him in one last time. And you would relent just like you always did because it was Joel and you loved him through all of his terribleness.

“Sweetheart.” He said it like the truth. He wasn’t begging, he wasn’t dismissive in his tone, Joel whispered your name like it was the only thing he’d ever known. He reached his left hand up to rest on your cheek. You were going to kiss him. He was going to kiss you. Like you knew he would, he leaned in. You pushed up your head to meet him halfway. When you closed your eyes it felt like the first time. There hadn’t been years of heartbreak and apologies yet. Instead it was just you and him, two people on the cusps of the rest of their lives, altering the stars in the light polluted sky. He tasted like cheap beer, and his mustache felt like punishment on your upper lip. It was good and it felt familiar. There had been men here and there who knew what they were doing but Joel felt like home. You didn’t have to try, you just did with him. Well at least when it came to kissing him, talking was a whole other problem. But right now his lips were on yours and your hands were snaked around the back of his neck. With him you always lost track of your surroundings, you could be on fire and not notice as long as his hands were somewhere on your body.

He pulled back and whispered in your ear, “let’s get outta here.” He wasn’t offering, he was instructing you. You grabbed Joel’s hand as he led you to his truck in the back parking lot. Just like always he opened the passenger door for you. Once seated he turned the vehicle on and placed his right hand on the meat of your thigh. The ride was quiet. No pleasantries, no ‘how have you beens’. None of that mattered, both of you knew what you were going to do. You and Joel had long passed the lines of formalities before sex. You didn’t even need to ask where he was taking you, always the same spot. A dirt road out in the woods that led down to an opening by the old railroad tracks. People only went there to get laid, shoot up, or burn something.

Once you arrived he turned towards you and beckoned for you to lean over the center console towards him. You began kissing him again. It was feverish and messy, like if you couldn’t have each other then surely you would dissipate into nothingness. He pushed his tongue deep into your mouth when you moaned. One of his hands was in your hair and the other made its way under your shirt and up over your bra. One of your hands was holding you up so you wouldn’t collapse awkwardly onto him. Like he could tell you were in a weird position he reached over and opened the passenger side door.

“Stay there.” He said. Then he got out and walked around to your side and slid in underneath you. Joel reclined the seat backwards and you straddled him, pushing your face close to his so as to not hit your head on the roof. This also gave his hands better access to your ass. You moaned into him when he pushed you against him and felt him hard beneath his jeans. “Feel what you do to me sweetheart. Been half hard since I saw ya.” That was your cue to start unbuttoning his jeans. You missed the taste and feel of him. It had been too long. He pushed his hips up to push down his jeans and boxers. His weeping cock sprang free, it rested big and hard on his stomach.

“Take your shirt off baby. I been dreamin about those perky tits.” You gave him a sultry smile and complied.

“Yes daddy.” His dick twitched. You went to go suck his aching dick but there wasn’t much room in the cab of his truck to get into position. He pulled your hair and brought your chest up towards his mouth. He grabbed one nipple with his teeth while he palmed your other breast with his large hands. They were callused and sent shivers up your spine when they rubbed against your soft skin. Then he alternated and switched his teeth to where his fingers had been and vice versa. You were soaking your panties. You had been since the second you sat in his truck. You started to rub yourself across his cock and he growled.

“Fuck baby. Gonna make me come right here.” That only encouraged you. You spat in your hand and brought it to him. Slowly you stroked him with your thumb circling his tip. He was much larger than your hand. You could feel him leaking so you gathered up as much as you could and brought it to your mouth. It tasted better than you remembered. Salty and addictive. “You’re so good for me.”

“I know daddy.” you said while smirking at him. He reached his hands down and unbuttoned your jeans. Once they were loose he stuck on hand down towards your sex and brought his other up to cup your breast again. You were drenched.

Joel let out another moan. “All for me ain’t it?”

“Always. Just for you.”

“That’s my girl.” After years of this you both knew exactly what to say to each other. He knew how badly you had wanted to be his so he used it against you. It only fueled the fire. He hurriedly yanked your pants and underwear down in one motion. You lined yourself up with him. Joel moved his cock against your folds teasing you. In turn you bucked your hips and whined, he didn’t wait long after that and shortly notched his tip at your entrance. You were both too pent up to wait any longer. He slowly pushed up into you. He slid into you like your body was made for him. Joel's eyes were on your face, watching how you took him so well. Once he was all the way in you had to rest for a second. Sitting on top of him you felt so full. All you could do was feel, it was like your brain had its switch turned off.

Then you started moving up and down. He tilted his head back and shut his eyes. He looked so beautiful and blissed out like that. You were going fast, as fast as your poor legs could handle. You needed him, you were going to take as much as you could. Once your legs started to shake and the pressure between your legs became too much Joel took over. He held your hips still and started to toy with your clit.

“Shhh baby. I know you can take it.” He said as he thrust his hips into you. You were clenching him so hard and he knew you were close. It’s like you’d been on edge since the last time so it barely took anything to get you there once he finally touched you. Then he froze for a second. “You still got that IUD baby?” You could barely speak so you vigorously nodded your head. “You want me inside then?”

It took a second but you finally responded. “Yes please Daddy.”

He pushed hard on your clit and bit down on your neck, so hard you knew it would mark but you didn’t care. It was a way to keep his essence around a little bit longer. You would let him mark your whole body if you had the time and room. And with that you came hard, creaming around him and letting the liquid drip down onto him. He bucked up a few more times. Each thrust became more erratic. Then he was moaning hard and finishing inside you. At this point you could barely move, you were leaning against his chest and he finished. You both took a moment to catch your breaths. Once you did you looked up towards Joel, his dick still inside you. He looked at you with such wonder.

“Been dreamin of that for so long darlin’.” You just smiled. He always said that. Always the best he ever had, but if you were the best why did you always leave. Before you could spiral you pulled yourself and excused yourself into the woods to relieve yourself. When you returned he was back in the driver seat. Just like before the drive was silent and his hand was on your thigh. He started the drive back to your house, muscle memory for him at this point. You almost started to cry. Everything was too familiar, too much hurt, getting ready to say goodbye for the millionth time. You couldn't bear to look at him for fear of confessing all your sins, the greatest one loving him. Eventually he pulled into your driveway. You turned towards him

“I’m sorry I came into your life just to make a mess. Goodnight sweetheart.” He kissed you on the cheek and you got out of the truck and began walking up your driveway.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller au #tlou fanfiction

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therainbowwarrior4 · 10 months

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Why Transgender People Need Gender-Affirming Care (Essay I wrote for school)

According to the Human Rights Campaign, twenty-two states have passed laws that ban minors from receiving gender-affirming care. Gender-affirming care which includes, puberty blockers, synthetic hormones, and surgeries, are a safe and effective way to treat gender dysphoria, which is distress that results from having one’s gender identity not match their sex assigned at birth. The HRC states that, “Every single major medical organization, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association, supports the provision of age-appropriate, gender-affirming care for transgender and non-binary people.” It is essential for transgender people to receive gender-affirming care because it decreases the risk of substance abuse, improves mental health, and gives them the opportunity to be who they truly are.

It is evident that transgender people are at a higher risk of substance abuse and mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. According to one study, the use of any type of drug was 3.6 times more likely in transgender people than in cisgender people. Additionally, 47% of transgender adults reported binge-drinking in the last three months compared to 17% of the general population (Shannonhouse). However, a study also shows that gender-affirming surgeries can decrease the risk of substance abuse. A 35% decrease of past year tobacco smoking was found in transgender people who had one or more gender-affirming surgeries and a significant decrease in the odds of past-month binge alcohol abuse was observed when patients got all the surgeries they desired (“New Study Shows”). According to Columbia Psychiatry, “It is well documented that TGNB adolescents and young adults experience anxiety and depression, as well as suicidal ideation, at a much higher rate than their cisgender peers.” In 2020, the Trevor Project found that 54% of young people who identified as transgender seriously considered suicide, and 29% made an attempt on their lives. Despite this, numerous research studies have shown that gender-affirming care leads to improved mental health for transgender youth (Matouk and Wald). In addition to the numerous mental health benefits of letting transgender people access gender-affirming care, this care also allows transgender people to be who they really are. For example, Jaime Raines started testosterone when he was 17 years old. He describes how life was like before and after he started transitioning. “The two are incomparable really, life before transitioning felt like a struggle and I was constantly feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed about how I looked and how people perceived me. Life after, life now, is just me actually living my life as me” (“This transgender man”).

Opponents of gender-affirming care argue that sex change drugs, meaning synthetic versions of testosterone and estrogen, are radical and experimental treatments. They state that these treatments are mutilating people’s bodies and that teenagers are not capable of consenting to these treatments (Surgeons). Furthermore, they attest that hormones are given to minors too quickly without any formal procedures to make sure it is in the best interest of the patient and sometimes even surgeries, such as double mastectomies, are being performed (Denny). Challengers to gender-affirming care also allege that some patients have underlying mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression, which are not being treated (Denny). They claim being transgender is a social contagion because of the amount of people now identifying that way. They also claim that it is mostly teenage girls that want this type of medical intervention because identifying this way is a collective behavior that is commonly seen in people who do not feel comfortable with their bodies (Surgeons). Lastly, they argue that many people regret transitioning and go on to detransition.

Proponents of gender-affirming care argue that hormones have been given to transgender people for decades. The first gender clinic in America was opened in 1966 and these hormones have been given to cisgender people long before that to help with certain conditions, such as menopause (Rosenthal). These hormones are safe for adolescents and adults as long as they are being monitored by a medical professional. Hormones are not usually prescribed until a patient turns eighteen. If they are prescribed in adolescence, it is with parental permission and support after going through the informed consent process (HRC Foundation). Double mastectomies are rarely performed on minors. If these surgeries are performed on 16- or 17-year-olds it is with parental support after talking to therapists, and surgeons. Surgeries involving genitalia are never performed on those under 18 (HRC Foundation). Anyone who wants to receive gender-affirming care is required to speak to a mental health professional before and during their transition. Dysphoria can worsen existing mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. After talking to the patient, a doctor will make the decision regarding transitioning and if it will help the patient’s mental health (HRC Foundation). The idea that being transgender is a “social contagion” is called “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria.” GRD has been thoroughly debunked and over 120 medical associations have issued statements calling for the elimination of this term (HRC Foundation). A study done by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that youth assigned female at birth are no more likely to identify as transgender then those assigned male at birth. Lastly, several studies have shown that the percentage of someone de-transitioning is quite rare. The regret rate of transition is as low as 1 or 2 percent (HRC Foundation).

In conclusion, gender-affirming care is life-saving care for transgender individuals. This care is safe, effective, and can be life changing. It decreases the risk of substance abuse, suicide, anxiety, depression, and allows transgender people to be who they truly are. If “to shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are” (Bennett), then should not everyone have a chance to shine their brightest light?

Works Cited

Bennett, Roy T. “Be Who You Truly Are.” The Light in the Heart, 25 Nov. 2018, thelightintheheart.wordpress.com/2018/11/25/be-who-you-truly-are-2/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

Denny, Doreen. “Exposing the Lie of Gender-Affirming Care.” Restoring America, 13 Mar. 2023, www.washingtonexaminer.com/restoring-america/community-family/exposing-the-lie-of-gender-affirming-care?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Pmax_USA_High-Intent-Audience-Signals&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAmZGrBhAnEiwAo9qHiX8vNakZ_bQiz5rDsC-HxFlMyaTmQ2zs8cLde-oqFOfouZYQCoGxIxoCBo8QAvD_BwE. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

HRC Foundation. “Get the Facts on Gender-Affirming Care.” Human Rights Campaign, 22 Mar. 2023, www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-on-gender-affirming-care. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

Matouk, Kareen, and Melina Wald. “Gender-Affirming Care Saves Lives.” Columbia University Department of Psychiatry, 30 Mar. 2022, www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/gender-affirming-care-saves-lives. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

“New Study Shows Transgender People Who Receive Gender-Affirming Surgery Are Significantly Less Likely to Experience Psychological Distress or Suicidal Ideation - Fenway Health: Health Care Is a Right, Not a Privilege.” Fenway Health, 28 Apr. 2021, fenwayhealth.org/new-study-shows-transgender-people-who-receive-gender-affirming-surgery-are-significantly-less-likely-to-experience-psychological-distress-or-suicidal-ideation/. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

Rosenthal, G. Samantha. “Gender-Affirming Care Has a Long History in the US – and Not Just for Transgender People.” The Conversation, 27 Mar. 2023, theconversation.com/gender-affirming-care-has-a-long-history-in-the-us-and-not-just-for-transgender-people-201752. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

Shannonhouse, Rebecca. “Substance Use Disorder in Transgender and Nonbinary People.” WebMD, 21 Apr. 2022, www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/substance-use-disorder-transgender-nonbinary. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

Surgeons, Association of American Physicians &. “Transgenderism: The New Medical Standard?” AAPS | Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, 25 Feb. 2023, aapsonline.org/transgenderism-the-new-medical-standard/. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

“The Trevor Project National Survey 2020.” Www.thetrevorproject.org, 2020, www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Suicide-Mental-Health. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

“This Transgender Man Documented His Amazing Journey on YouTube for over Five Years.” The Irish News, 8 July 2017, www.irishnews.com/magazine/daily/2017/07/08/news/this-transgender-man-documented-his-amazing-journey-on-youtube-for-over-five-years-1079578/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

“Youth Assigned Female at Birth Are No More Likely to Identify as Transgender or Gender Diverse than Those Assigned Male at Birth: Study.” Www.aap.org, 3 Aug. 2022, www.aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/pediatrics2/2022/youth-assigned-female-at-birth-are-no-more-likely-to-identify-as-transgender-or-gender-diverse-than-those-assigned-male-at-birth-study/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

#lgbtqia+ rights #lgbtqia+ community #lgbtqia+#queer #queer community #transgender #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt pride #lgbtq community #lgbtq rights #lgbtqia+ resources #lgbtqia rights #lgbtqiia+#lgbtqi community #lgbt #lgbtqplus #lgbtq+

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i-am-probably-alive · 1 year

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Hellenite

Is there ever that one writer that you keep on going back to, over and over, even if you have read and analyzed every single one of their works? And it still gets better each time? There is for me. Fucking Helleniteeeee. I left the DSMP fandom like almost a year ago, yet I still go and have Hellenite binge reads on the regular.

Ad astra was my gateway drug, De Terra is still my favorite fic of all time like ever, possibly even better than most published books I’ve read, anything from LiTWS brings me immense comfort, and Fading Lights….that one stuck with me really really REALLY hard. So did all the other ones, but yknow. That’s a bittersweet ending done right, man. I absolutely adore everything in Hellens style of writing. From the beautiful, captivating description to the absolutely remarkable use of italics, each and every fic has left me crying and begging for more. But there’s three parts that Hellen just does so well, that it honestly shocks me that the whole first page of DSMP isn’t stuffed, head to toe, with Hellenite’s work.

1: Theme

Tackling this first, cause i have a LOT to say about this. Cause, HOLY SHIT!!! Theme! I absolutely just HDRTHHFGGJGJHAZJ. I’m not saying other writers haven’t pulled off themes in fanfic well before, cause they have! But the way Hellenite does it just hits different. Everything has a moral, in one way or another. And the moral is something genuine. Something real, something that happens in real life and that is represented perfectly in all her works. Like, okay. Event Horizon: You can change, you can improve. You are not your past, you are not your family, you are not your mistakes. As long as you’re trying, You’re on the right path. Things don’t get better immediately, they take time. A long, long time, but you are allowed to be happy along the way. Healing is a process, not a teleportation device. LiTWS: A relationship, be it romantic, platonic or familial, can be complicated. They can be difficult to maintain, but you love the other person, so you will work at it to solve your issues. It’s okay to fight, as long as you can acknowledge when you screw up. Communicate. Fading Lights: Life is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you should try and escape it. Find the right people who care about you, even if at the moment you feel or are complete shit. You can recover.

everything just leaves a special impact, because those messages come through. And they come through strong, without being all “LOOK AT ME IM HERE”. It’s just. Wow.

2: Character Development

Change is a very prominent feature in Hellens stories, and it never feels clunky or out of place. You genuinely feel it, but you can’t pinpoint the exact moment things change. Like how in the beginning of Ad Astra, we feel genuine dislike, and very quickly, hatred for Ran. But over time, that changes, and we see how Ran develops and improves. There’s setbacks, there’s relapses, but the change is there. In LiTWS, the relationship goes from somewhat forced, to fully, truly, genuine. Struggles and all. In FL, Tubbo….well. In the beginning, he was an addict who had a gruffish attitude, who was pushing away from society and his friends. He feared that he was turning into his father. He had awful self esteem. By the end, he was willing to change. He was willing to give up smoking and drinking and willing to put himself in an environment that involved Tommy. Change, change, change.

I think it’s all really well done. Cause people change, it’s natural. And it’s done so well here.

3: Love

The way Hellen writes love makes me wish I was in it. But not because it’s written as an all happy and sunshine solution to all wrong. It’s not. It’s written as a strong, complicated emotion. It isn’t written as a one-size fits all. It’s written as something rooted in our hearts that WE get to define, and WE get to use. We love, and it is not a weakness. Love is not a superpower. We all are capable of it, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Love is…love. It’s so, so SO strong, and I think that this one element is what’s made me cry so much while reading Fading Lights or De Terra or whatever it is. Love. Such a strong meaning for such a small word. I go to Hellens stories and take notes on the way it’s written because it’s just. I hate stories that focus on love, generally. Mostly because they’re written as if it has to be this huge, romantic beats-all card, where the only thing that defines it is the word itself. The characters have to say it for us to know it, and even after that, we don’t believe it. Hellen writes it as it is, which is a difficult feat. These fics are just…wow.

All in all, the way Hellen writes, not only in short term by description and beautiful scenery, but in long term too, leaves such a strong impact. Hellen is definitely, without a doubt, the writer who has most inspired, motivated and influenced the way I write and even the way I think. Hellen has left such a positive mark on me that I’m confident I would be entirely different without having read that one gateway fic. I forgot to mention this, but I read Ad Astra while in a reading slump, and when I say it pulled me out…

also, the concepts in and of themselves are so creative and good and original?? Like how?? And the WORLDBUILDING DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WORLDBUILDING. HOW??? How does one just make a world so convincing and make it feel so real?? And explore upon it without making it feel like pointless exposition???

TLDR; A year ago, these fics broke into my house, put me in a chokehold, and demanded it be allowed to live there rent free. It still has me in a chokehold, and I give it muffins sometimes.

Theres so much More i can say, and I will probably say it in different posts later. but for now..

I love Hellenites stories more than I love Interstellar, and that’s saying something cause I was a mess by the halfway point of that movie.

Thank you, Hellenite, for each and every one of your stories.

I can’t wait for WGBITN.

(P.S: I realize I sound like an insane fangirl, but whatever. I most likely am one.)

#Hellenite #Ad Astra #De Terra #Fading Lights #Lost in the woods somewhere #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Writing

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panda-writes-kpop · 2 years

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Zombie! Yoohyeon x Survivor! Scientist! Reader - Memories of You, Baby, That’s All I Have Left

A/N: Happy Halloween to my guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! To be honest, you might not be having a good Halloween after reading this, but the sentiment still stands. Be safe if you plan on trick-or-treating, or if you're going out and partying! There's nothing wrong with binge-watching your favorite Halloween movies and eating candy like me, so make sure to enjoy your Halloween as you should!

TW: Loooong fic (grab some snacks, something to drink, and some tissues if you cry easily), post-apocalyptic setting with zombies, there's plenty of angst and pain to go around :), gorey description and gore in general, blood and lots of it, mention of weapons like guns and weapons, reader is under extreme emotional distress and tries to self-harm, death, horror elements(?), sad hours with Ms. Kim Yoohyeon and two special guests!

♡ Masterlist ♡

“Y/N, do you think this is enough firewood for the night?”

You offer a quick glance towards Yuna before turning your back to her again.

“Yeah, that looks fine. Don’t forget to toss the sticks and smaller bits of wood into the fire too. Anything helps keep the fire going through the night.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Do you want the first shift, or do you want me to go first?” Yuna asks before you hear her drop the axe in her hands.

It hits the ground with a soft thud, but due to the shape of the world, you’re so cautious that even the smallest sounds can startle you.

“It doesn’t matter to me. I can do either.” You shrug the responsibility of choosing back onto Yuna as you drag the pail of water towards the burning fire.

“That’s good because I’m going first. God knows that you won’t wake me again when it’s my turn.” Yuna huffs as you recall the memory.

“You looked so peaceful, plus you hadn’t slept for a day… I was worried for you.”

“That doesn’t mean that you should actively pursue martyrdom, Y/N.”

“Not getting sleep and sacrificing yourself for the greater good are two different things.” You explain before setting the pail down.

“You’d do either for me, right?”

You stay silent as Yuna shakes her head.

“That’s what I thought. You care about others more than yourself, Y/N, which could kill you in a world like this.”

“Anything could kill you in a world like this.” You correct Yuna as you sit next to her as the fireplace burns brightly.

The thick gray smoke flows up into a starry night sky, and you’d be worried about fire marshals trying to arrest the both of you for starting a fire in a thick forest if there were even any fire marshals around.

There hasn’t been anyone around since the outbreak started. I wouldn’t be surprised if Yuna and I were the last few healthy people on Earth.

“I thought zombies could only exist in movies. I guess I was wrong.” Yuna sighs as you suppress a chuckle.

“There are lots of things that would surprise you, kid.” You jokingly say before grabbing the flask from your wool bag.

“Are we really still on this? You know we could be the same age, right-”

You take a swig from the flask, and you’re glad to feel the liquid burn as it travels down your throat.

It helps with the heartache.

“Don’t care. As long as you’re with me, you’ll have to deal with the nickname. Got it?” You say before offering her the flask.

“Oh no, I’m good. I want to have my sense about me when I’m on guard.”

“Suit yourself.” You mumble before taking another sip.

Ah, the sweet taste of pure misery. What a delight for all of the senses!

“You know, I didn’t take you for a drinker when we first met.” Yuna comments as you wipe your mouth before putting the flask back.

“A lot of things have changed since then, Yuna.” You softly say before stifling a yawn. “I’m going to get some rest. Let me know if you need me.”

You grab the blanket that you and Yuna have been sharing for weeks on end, and it looks like it has been through hell and back.

Just like the both of us, right?

You curl up under the blanket before letting yourself yawn.

“I’ll wake you up when it’s your turn to get up.”

“And not a moment before? Jeez, Yuna, you’re more of a stickler than my parents were.” You tease as Yuna scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Whatever. Just get some rest, okay? I need you at your best tomorrow.”

“I will.” You lay down for a moment as you remember what you were going to say.

“Yuna?”

“What’s up?” Yuna pulls the gun from her holster, and you shake your head at her as you fight off the urge to sleep.

“No mourners?” You offer her your hand, and she smirks before giving it a firm shake.

“No funerals.”

Content, you roll over and get comfortable enough to fall asleep, even if just for a moment in time.

“Do you think about the future often?”

“That’s a poignant question, at least from you.”

“Hey, I can be serious sometimes!”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Hey! That’s so mean of you to say.”

“But it’s the truth…”

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“You’re smiling, so you’ll get over it sooner rather than later.”

“I hate you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Yoohyeon.”

While sweating slightly, you awaken from a peaceful slumber.

At least it’s not the same nightmare that’s been haunting me for months on end… but this sweet dream is nothing less than bittersweet to me.

You rub your eyes in a fruitless effort to forbid sleep from re-entering your system, and once you fully open your eyes, you realize that Yuna has her gun drawn and is standing to the side.

“Get the hell away from us.” Yuna hisses as you look over to see who exactly she’s talking to.

“Dami?” You softly mutter as she comes into view.

Yuna’s head snaps to you.

“You know her?!?”

“Yes, they do, which is why you should put the gun down.” Dami tries to reason with Yuna, who fails to yield.

“How do I know that you’re not trying to trick us, or worse, you’ve already been infected?”

“Fuck, you’re actually alive…” You mutter to yourself before standing up.

You brush the blankets off of you as you suppress a yawn.

“Put the gun down, Yuna.” You calmly say before walking over to the two of them.

“But Y/N-”

“Put the damn gun down. I’m not asking, Yuna.”

Your stricter tone causes Yuna to reluctantly put the gun back in its holster. You see Dami visibly relax as she comes closer to you and Yuna.

“You… look like shit.” You joke as Dami adjusts her ripped lab coat.

“It’s nice to see you too, Y/N.” She gives you a light smile before you briefly embrace her.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“Me too, Y/N, me too.” Dami breaks away from you, and you let out a sigh that you didn’t know that you were holding.

“Okay, someone’s going to talk - how do you two know each other?”

“It’s a long story-” You start, but Dami shakes her head at you.

“We worked together at the lab.” Dami turns to Yuna. "You were there when the outbreak started, right?”

“Where are you going with this, Dami?” You inquire. “You always have some sort of hidden motive, so you might as well get onto it.”

“Time has certainly not made you fonder.” Dami teases.

“And you still haven’t answered my question.” You shoot back. “You can’t talk yourself out of this one.”

Dami looks up at the moon for a moment before looking back at you.

“I always hated how you could see right through me.”

“I always hated how you can never get to the fucking point-”

“-I’m getting there, Y/N.” Dami gently scolds you as Yuna looks at the two of you in awe.

“Y/N, this is a completely new side of you that I’ve never seen!”

You try to hide your embarrassment as Dami chuckles softly.

“Why are you laughing, Dami? I meant it as a compliment!” Yuna says.

“You clearly don’t know Y/N like I do.” Dami states.

“When did this become a competition?” Yuna aggressively asks.

God, I forgot how much I hated working with other people until this very moment.

“Alright, you two, knock it off. Dami, please continue with whatever point you were trying to make.” You step in before any blood can be spilled.

Dami coughs before readjusting her glasses.

“Right, sorry. I was asking you, Yuna, if you were there because I’m trying to gather more information about the initial outbreak.”

“Of course I was at the lab. I was going to meet one of my friends who worked there, but then Y/N pulled me away and explained what happened inside the lab. We decided to head into the nearest forest to escape before heading into town to gather supplies, which was when we discovered that the whole town had been abandoned.”

“When you say that the town was abandoned, do you mean no humans, no zombies, or both?” Dami asks.

“Both.” You chime in. “Completely and utterly deserted. We were able to grab a decent amount of supplies, and we’ve been living off of the land for a good while now. What about you, Dami? What did you do after you abandoned me?”

“That’s not what happened-”

“Oh, really?” You scoff. “Please tell me what happened, then.”

“You were making a risky decision that should’ve gotten you killed. I chose life.”

“And look where we are.” You huff as Dami ever-so-slightly rolls her eyes. “I saw that, you know.”

“You’re being defensive-”

“-that’s rich, coming from you-”

“-don’t make this just about me-”

“And I got yelled at for arguing, but it’s okay when you do it?” Yuna crosses her arms. “You’re a hypocrite.”

“We’re not getting anywhere by arguing.” You throw your hands in the air. “What do you want, Dami? I’m asking you one last time before I ask you to leave.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll be honest. When we left the research facility, I managed to grab some paperwork before we left.”

“What sort of paperwork?” Yuna asks.

“To keep the explanation short, it basically was a guide on how to make an effective cure for an easily transmissible disease.”

“Did you…” You trail off as the possibility of normalness crosses your mind.

She always was the brightest out of the two of us.

“Not in its entirety. I have the conceptual elements of it done. I just need the literal materials to do so.”

“Are you serious? You’re working on a cure?” You ask Dami.

“If you started with that, I wouldn’t have aimed my gun at you.” Yuna off-handedly comments.

“Be nice.” You scold her.

“You were literally arguing with her two minutes ago-”

“We’re not having this argument now.” You dismiss Yuna before turning your attention back to Dami. “What do you need from us?”

“Who says we’re in?” Yuna challenges.

“Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life?” You ask, and she shakes her head. “That’s what I thought.”

“The technology and materials to work on the cure is in the research facility. The problem is, I’m not sure if I’m going to be dealing with a horde of zombies when I go inside. That’s where you two come in.”

“You want manpower, right? Then that’s what you’ll get.” You say before looking at Yuna. “You sure you want to do this?"

“I don’t want to live like this… I have people that I want to see. I’ve missed them so much.”

You don’t know how much I agree with you, Yuna.

You try to push the feeling of missing someone near and dear to you back down, but it quickly bursts inside of you. You bite your lip as you try to blink away any tears that may fall.

You can miss her, Y/N, you’re allowed to want to see her again. You can’t just pretend like she doesn’t exist when she was such a big part of your life.

The first thing you receive upon entering your new apartment is a set of keys to the face.

"Did you catch the keys?" Yoohyeon asks from the kitchen as you rub your forehead.

"I didn't know you were throwing said keys." You grumble before grabbing the keys from the floor.

"I thought you were all-knowing, O' Wise One-"

"Okay, smart-ass, lay off of me. Did you make dinner?"

You hear Yoohyeon sharply inhale, which causes you to pick up the pace and head towards the kitchen.

"Dear god…" You mumble as you stare at the burnt lasagna. "I appreciate the effort, but take-out would've been nice too."

You rub Yoohyeon's back as she melts into your touch. You can't help but feel proud as you're the only one who can make her feel such a way.

"I wanted to welcome you into our home with a nice meal…" Yoohyeon deflates further until you wrap an arm around her waist.

"Why don't we take this as an opportunity to go explore some new local restaurants? I heard that there was a taco place down the street, plus I-"

You pause as Yoohyeon wraps both of her arms around your neck.

"You're too good to me, you know?"

You make an attempt to hide your embarrassment as you bury your head into her body.

"I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do. You're one of the best people in the world!"

Your heart swells at her words, but you can only wish that the two of you were something more than best friends and roommates.

"Y/N, what do you think of this?"

I must've nodded off again. I need to stop doing that.

"Yeah, that sounds fine." You mutter softly as Dami, amused, looks over at you.

"Were you even listening?"

"Does Yuna know what you're talking about?" You ask, but your question is answered when you look over at Yuna's sleeping form.

"She's been out longer than you have."

"You could've woken me up." You grumble.

"You're not exactly the most pleasant person to speak to when you're not in a good mood."

"Maybe I just don't like talking to you, Dami. Did your big brain think of that possibility?" Your venomous words cause Dami to shift uncomfortably.

"Touché."

"What's your plan once you get this cure, huh? If you're thinking about testing it on me or Yuna, then do I have some shit news for you-"

"No, I'd never think of doing something like that!"

"You don't have the greatest track record with trust, you know?"

"I know." Dami hums to herself for a moment. "I'll be honest with you, since that's the only way you will trust me. Part of the reason that I want to go back to the research facility, besides using the equipment and resources, is to locate Patient Zero."

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Well, Patient Zero was exposed to the most potent amount of the virus, as you are aware. Everyone else from that point on was only infected by transmission via bite. The best way to test the effectiveness of the cure is-"

"-to experiment on the first person to see how effective the antidote is to the most potent version of the virus. If she can be turned back, that means that everyone else will be able to as well." You finish Dami's thought before shaking your head in disbelief. "Dami, you're a genius, but don't let that get to your head, alright?"

"Duly noted." She comments as you notice Yuna begins to stir.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty~" You tease as Yuna fully wakes up. "Did you sleep well?"

"It's already daybreak?" She yawns before moving closer to you and Dami.

"I guess it is." Dami shrugs before looking at the rising sun.

"Can I ask you two a question?" Yuna shivers for a bit before you toss the blanket to her.

"Go on." You encourage her as you begin to gather food for breakfast.

"What happened in the research facility that day? I feel like there's something that you two aren't telling me, and if I'm going to come along with you, I want to know everything."

You and Dami exchange nervous glances before Dami grabs the pot of berries from your hands.

"Let me take care of breakfast. It's the least I can do." Dami insists.

"I guess I'm telling the story, huh?" You relax before sitting down, and you pat the ground next to you.

Yuna saddles up to your side, and you throw an arm around in an effort to keep her warm.

"Where do you want me to start, kiddo?" You joke as Yuna leans into your embrace.

"The beginning." Yuna deadpans as you and Dami laugh.

"Alright, we'll start from the beginning."

“You made it to work in one piece.” Dami jokes as you clock in for the day.

“You’re just extra early to everything.” You comment before walking away from the time clock.

“Who said it was a bad thing?”

“Nobody, but it’s annoying when you rub your promptness in everyone’s faces. I’m sorry that some of us have lives outside of work.”

Dami places a hand over her heart, and she gives you an exaggeratedly hurt look.

“You wound me, Y/N.”

“Don’t act like I’m wrong, though.”

“Shouldn’t we be working?” She says before opening the door to your shared laboratory.

“Yeah, we should. Don’t think I’ll forget about what I said, though.”

“You never do, Y/N. It’s one of the things I appreciate about you.”

You gently shove her to the side before putting your lab goggles on.

“Please don’t get all sappy on me. It’s weird when it comes from you.”

“Oh, so you like it when your girlfriend does it?” Dami smirks when she sees you try to hide your embarrassment by loudly clearing your throat. “I guess I’m just not at that level yet, right?”

“You were my college roommate for 4 years, and we work at the same place. I think it’s safe to say that we’re stuck with each other for a long, long time.”

“Now who’s getting sappy?” Dami jokes as you gently toss her a pair of lab goggles.

“Shut up and get over here so we can start working.”

“I-”

“I wasn’t asking, Dami.” You sternly say.

“Okay, then.” Dami puts on her lab goggles before walking over to you. “What are we looking at today?”

“I’m not quite sure. Do you want the first look under the microscope?” You offer as Dami steps closer to you.

“Sure.”

You step away from the microscope as Dami leans in for a closer look.

“What do you see?”

“Well, it looks like there’s been some mutations from the original virus. That means that we’ll have to change the coding on the DNA of the original vaccine, right?”

“Sounds good.” You look over to the laboratory across from yours.

Along with two steel doors, two glass walls, and a hallway separate you from that lab. There, two women are doing an experiment on a viral bacteria. One is a tall blonde woman who has her hair in a crispy, clean bun, and the other is a shorter, brown-haired woman who has her hair pulled back into a high ponytail.

“What are you looking at?” Dami asks as your attention refocuses on her.

“I’m just looking at what they are doing.” You gesture to the two girls as Dami takes some notes on the laptop next to her.

“You could be working…” Dami suggests.

“I could be, but you do most of the work anyways.”

“I wonder why…” Dami mutters before continuing to type on the computer.

You watch as the two women across from you hold a small glass tray full of some bacteria on it. Everything appears to be going fine until the blonde woman tries to grab the tray from the brown-haired woman, which causes the bacteria to leave the tray and land on the brown-haired woman.

You gasp before grabbing Dami.

“What is it now-”

“Call the front desk. There was a spill in the lab across from us.” You toss Dami the phone in the lab as she shakes her head.

“Why should I care?”

“Just do it!” You say as Dami sighs.

“Fine, I’m on it.” Dami quickly dials a phone number before you glance over at the lab next to you.

The brown-haired woman has fallen to the ground as the blonde woman tries her best not to freak out. She motions towards the woman, but she quickly backs away once she gets another look at the woman.

You wonder what’s going on until the brown-haired woman faces you. The life in her eyes and skin is completely gone. She looks half-dead, and you would probably mistake her for a corpse if she didn’t get up off of the ground.

“Y/N, what’s exactly going o-” Dami pauses as she sees what’s going on. “What were they messing with over there?”

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” You mutter as the brown-haired woman hobbles over to her friend.

They make direct eye contact, and you can see the blonde woman frantically trying to talk to her lab partner. Unfortunately for her, it’s not enough as the brown-haired woman tackles her partner to the ground.

“Oh my god.” You mutter before taking a step backwards.

“We need to go. Now.” Dami collects the laptop and her satchel, and you quickly grab what you brought.

Luckily, your lab has a backdoor, but if it’s opened, the emergency alarm triggers. You look back at the two women, and both of them look like zombies. You shiver as they hungrily eye you and Dami.

“Go through the emergency exit.” You quickly walk towards the back of the lab where the backdoor is.

“Are you sure about this-”

“I have a bad feeling about this, Dami.” You say as she nods.

“Let’s go, then.”

You grab the handle of the door, and you open the door. At the exact same time, a wailing siren sounds, and red lights flash throughout the lab.

You let Dami go past you, and then you shut the door behind you.

“Which way?” Dami looks to her left and her right, but there’s nothing but an empty hallway either way.

“Left. It might not be the right way, but it gets us away from them.”

“Got it.”

You grab Dami’s hand, and she quickly takes your hand in hers. The two of you walk left as you hear various screams coming from all sorts of directions.

“Dami-” You pause after the umptheenth scream, but Dami continues to pull you forward.

“We can’t worry about other people if we’re not alive to do so.” Dami bluntly explains before nearly colliding with the door. “We’re here.”

“What are you waiting for? Open the damn door!” You nervously yell as she throws the door open.

You both exit the facility as Dami latches the door behind you.

“Which way should we go? It’s just forestry as far as the eye can see.” You point at the landscape in front of you as Dami pulls a map from her bag.

“Well, since backwards is not an option, I think that we should go forward.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” You dare to glance backwards, and that’s when you notice a blonde-haired girl standing at the front of the facility.

“Dami, wait.” You stop, and Dami does so as well.

“What’s up?”

“There’s a girl back there, at the entrance of the lab.”

“She’ll be fine, I know it-”

You let go of Dami’s hand before shaking your head.

“She’s just a kid.”

“How do you know that?” Dami challenges as you take another step backwards. “It doesn’t matter. We need to keep going.”

“Go on ahead.” You bite your lip before glancing back at the girl again.

“Y/N, don’t do this-”

“You might be able to live with yourself if you leave someone behind, but that’s not me, Y/N.”

Dami sighs as a light smile breaks out onto her face.

“That’s how we met, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” You hold back tears before handing Dami a notebook. “Give this to Yoohyeon for me, just in case.”

“How do you know-”

“Just go, Dami!” You yell as a tear runs down your face. “We’ll meet again, whether in this life or another.”

“Don’t talk like that-”

You don’t bother to listen to the rest of what Dami says as you head towards the entrance of the lab. You frantically wave your hands at the girl in front of the lab, and luckily for you, she spots you.

“Listen,” You yell to her, “I know you don’t know me, but it’s not safe in that lab.”

“How do you know?” She yells back.

“I was just in there. Trust me, it’s not a sight you want to see.”

“I-” She pauses before taking a step towards you. “What should I do?”

“You can come with me, you can leave here by yourself, or you can await certain death. I’ll leave the choice to you.”

It doesn’t take the blonde-haired girl long to make up her mind.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Good choice, kid.”

“Did you say that the first girl you saw had brown hair?” Yuna softly asks while looking at you.

“Yeah, and she was the first to be infected.”

“Did she have a red bracelet on?”

“I-” You pause while trying to recall the memory. “I’m not sure, but she did like to wear red accessories.”

“That sounds a lot like Lia.” Yuna mumbles as you look over to her.

“Who’s that?”

“The girl I was trying to visit when you came to get me.”

The sadness in Yuna’s eyes is visible from miles away, and you feel awful that you can’t give her an answer one way or another.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what was she to you?” You say before gesturing for Yuna to join you.

She takes the blanket and settles in right next to you. Instinctively, you begin to rub her back as she rests her head on your shoulder.

“My best friend, to say the least. We had been friends since our primary school days. I couldn’t have asked for a better person in life than her.” Yuna dreamily describes her friend to you, which causes you to smile.

“So she was special?”

“In the best possible way.” Yuna cracks a smile, and you reciprocate the gesture.

The sadness is gone from her eyes, which is a good thing. I can’t stand the thought of her being upset.

“What about you, Dami?”

You watch Dami visibly flinch at Yuna’s innocent question.

Yikes…

“What are we talking about again?” Dami plays innocent, and you see right through her as Yuna repeats herself.

“Do you have someone special in your life?”

“No, not really.”

You scoff before crossing your arms.

“Y/N, you don’t count-”

“-that makes you sound like more of an asshole, Dami! I don’t think you truly care about me.” You accuse Dami as she slightly rolls her eyes.

“Fine, I care about you because no matter where I go in life, I’m stuck with you. As mean as that may sound, there’s no one else I’d rather be with when the world ends.” Dami says as you shyly accept her compliment.

“Now you’re going to make me sound bad when I don’t say the same of you, Dami…”

“There was someone else in your life?” Yuna curiously looks at you, and you know you’ve let your major weakness slip.

Is it bad that I want to be the only person to cherish our memories together? I want to make more in the future with you. I know you’re out there waiting for me, Yoohyeon. I can’t wait to see you again.

“I- uh- Well, about that-” You try to backtrack as Dami chuckles.

“Her name’s Yoohyeon.” Dami drops her name as you hang your head in shame.

“Are we talking about a best friend, or a girlfriend, or a wife, or-”

“No, no, not like that!” You’re flustered by the way Yuna is looking at you. “We were just friends.”

“Don’t lie to her, Y/N.” Dami teases as you glare at her.

“Don’t encourage her, Dami-” You hiss before Yuna interrupts you.

“Did you like her as more than a friend?”

“Of course I did. I just never had a chance to tell her before hell froze over.” You joke as Yuna shoots a sympathetic look at you.

“I’m so sorry-”

“No, it’s not your fault. We’ve all lost touch with the people we love. There’s nothing we can have at the moment but hope for the best.” You wistfully say as Dami backs away from the fire.

“Breakfast’s ready. Are you all hungry?”

“Yeah, I’m starving!” Yuna eagerly grabs a bowl as you laugh at her behavior.

You quietly grab a bowl of stew, and the three of you eat in a comfortable silence.

I wonder if Yoohyeon is looking for me in the same way that I’ve been searching for her. She has to be, right? She couldn’t just give up on me like that, right?

Right?

“Alright,” You grumble as you grab the first aid kit from the bathroom cupboard, “you’re going to need to explain to me what happened to you this time.”

Yoohyeon hops onto the bathroom counter with a pained huff. You sigh in disappointment as Yoohyeon rolls up her sleeves.

“I told you that it was nothing, Y/N. The show was a little rowdy, just like usual.”

“I didn’t think that being a rock star was such a dangerous occupation.” You joke as you grab the antibiotic ointment from the medical kit.

“It’s not, Y/N, you’re overreacting.” Yoohyeon rolls her eyes as you take a cotton swab and apply some of the ointment to it.

“No, I’m not. Is it too much to ask for my be-” You choke on the words because you’re trying to not friendzone yourself.

Unluckily for you, Yoohyeon is much more perceptive than you thought.

“Y/N, what were you going to-” She yelps in pain and jumps away from you as soon as the ointment touches her skin. “Shit, that’s cold!”

“I think you need to worry less about me, and more about keeping yourself still.” You comment as Yoohyeon braces for impact. “Dear god, Yooh, I’m not going to do something that would seriously hurt you. You know me better than that.”

“I know, but it doesn’t stop me from flinching every now and again.”

“Just try to stay still, okay? It’ll be over faster if you’re still.”

Yoohyeon nods at you.

“I’ll do my best, I promise.”

It doesn’t take you long to finish patching Yoohyeon up, and once you’re done, you begin to put away the various bandages and ointments that you pulled out.

You look over at Yoohyeon, who’s silently pouting.

“What’s up with you now? Did I miss a spot?”

You try not to laugh as Yoohyeon rapidly shakes her head.

“Shouldn’t I get a lollipop for being a good patient?” Yoohyeon huffs, and you can’t take her seriously.

“How old are you again?”

“25 years young!” She flashes you a brilliant smile, and you silently curse your heart as it begins to beat faster.

“Sorry, I’m out of sweets.” You shrug before putting the med kit back into the cabinet.

“Is it alright if I ask for something else as a reward?” She shyly asks as you move closer to her.

“Whatever you want, Yoohyeon, I’ll give it to you.” You promise as Yoohyeon’s face turns red.

She nervously pulls at her high ponytail before taking a deep breath.

“Can I have a kiss?”

Your mouth is agape as you stare at her in complete shock.

“What did you just say?”

“I said that I want a kiss. You said that you would give me whatever I wanted. What are you waiting for, Y/N?” Yoohyeon teases as you not-so-calmly clear your throat.

“Yup, I did say that.” The words fall from your lips at an erratic rate, and it’s like your lips and your heart have become one for once.

Moments turn into infinity as you lean in to kiss Yoohyeon. You’ve waited, wished, and dreamed about this moment for months- no, years. You’ve wondered if her lips tasted like pink cotton candy, sweet raspberry, or whatever flavor of chapstick she was obsessed with for the month. The girl of your dreams was daring you to kiss her - who were you to say no to her desire?

It’s like the dimly-lit bathroom explodes into pure, white blinding light as your lips crash into hers. The kiss is messy, needy- but you’d ask for nothing less. That kiss was filled with every pent-up ‘I love you’, or jealous moment spent wishing that you were the one who got to be with Yoohyeon for the night. She was everything you needed at the moment- a perfect symphony of the best things in the world.

But that was just Yoohyeon as a person, she was the best of what humanity had to offer. Her goofy antics and sweet clumsiness was endearing to every person that she meant. She had a good, kind heart that cared about others more than she cared about herself. Yoohyeon was an imperfect version of perfection, but you wouldn’t ask for anything other than her.

You were completely and utterly mesmerized by Yoohyeon, and it was about time that you stopped acting like you didn’t feel the urge to kiss her every time that you saw her.

You only pull away from Yoohyeon when your lungs require air, and even then, you curse them for taking you away from the woman you love most.

“I love you.” You breathlessly mutter as Yoohyeon places a finger on your lips.

“Don’t say things like that right now, Y/N. Let’s figure out what we are in the morning.”

“What do you want me to do right now?”

“To start, I want you to kiss me and then never, ever stop.”

“Is everyone packed and ready to go?” You ask for confirmation as you tightly grip your backpack.

“Yeah, I got everything.” Yuna hands you back your blanket, and you smile at the gesture before refusing to take the blanket.

“You need it more than I do.”

“Really?” Yuna’s eyes shine brightly as you nod your head.

“I insist, kiddo.” You rub the top of her head to mess up her hair, and she laughs at the gesture before swatting your hand away.

“Thank you, Y/N, for everything that you’ve done for me. I couldn’t be more thankful to have someone like you in my life.”

“You’re going to make me emotional, Yuna, but really, I should be thanking you for staying with me for as long as you have. I know that I’m not the easiest person to get along with.”

“That’s an understatement.” Dami mutters while walking past you.

“You’re a hypocrite!” You call out as Dami grabs a map from her pocket.

“Everyone’s a hypocrite, but does it really matter at this point?” Dami asks as you shake your head at her.

“Are you sure that you didn’t graduate with a Philosophy degree?” You gently jab your elbow into her side after you catch up to Dami.

“Hey, wait up!” Yuna yells before joining the two of you. “Do you know where we're headed?”

“Yeah, or at least, I think so.” Dami says before walking off in a random direction.

“That’s real confidence right there, Yuna.” You whisper to her before taking Yuna’s hand in yours.

“She’s going to get us lost, Y/N!”

“Yeah, but that’s half of the fun.” You say before leading Yuna towards where Dami is headed.

“Are all scientists as bizarre and insane as you are, or did I just happen to run into two very strange scientists?”

“How much longer is it?” Yuna whines while rubbing her calf. “I don’t know if my body can take much more walking..”

“That answer depends on if the map I have is accurate or not.” Dami admits before checking the map again. “We should be close, I think. The forest should end in a little bit, and then we’ll be able to see the research facility.

“What a great vote of confidence…” Yuna huffs as you chuckle. “Why are you so calm about this?”

“Dami’s got killer instincts. When she says walk, you should walk before something bites you in the ass.”

Dami stifles a laugh as you continue on.

“You shouldn’t blindly trust anyone, but it’s okay to let your guard down and let people into your life.”

“Who’s the Philosophy major again?” Dami teasingly says as you scoff at the idea.

“It’s still you. You’re the person who says cheesy, ironic stuff all of the time. I have my moments, sure, but the title of philosopher belongs to you and you alone.”

“I’m not cheesy.” Dami defensivey says as you jump at the chance to tease her.

“Your pick-up lines would say otherwise.”

“Y/N!”

You laugh as Dami becomes embarrassed.

“So she’s not going to fight the ironic part?” Yuna mutters under her breath.

“Enough about me. You guys should take a look ahead.” Dami motions towards the break in the forestry ahead.

Yuna gasps and immediately begins to run towards the clearing. You think that her behavior is cute until you’re being dragged along.

Oh yeah, we’re holding hands. I forgot about that…

“Yuna, slow down! My legs don’t travel that fast!” You yell as Yuna continues at a steady pace.

Dami shakes her head at Yuna’s antics, and you promptly drag Dami into this mess by grabbing her hand with your free one. You both chuckle as you’re dragged into the clearing by Yuna, and you’ve dragged Dami into the clearing with you.

“We did it… We really did it!” Yuna cheers before pointing to the building in the distance.

“Oh shit!” You yelp in surprise at the state of the building. “Time has not been kind to that place.”

“Yeah, and it’s only been months, not years.” Dami lets go of your hand as she glances at the nearly destroyed research facility.

“It doesn’t look completely natural either. There’s vines growing along the building, sure, but those holes in the walls have to be man-made.” You say as Yuna squeezes your hand.

“We should get going. We have a world to save, right?”

“Yeah, we do.” You offer Yuna a bright smile, and she smiles right back at you.

You look at Dami, who’s staring off in the distance.

“What’s wrong?”

“What if I can’t figure out the cure, Y/N? What happens then?” Dami worriedly says, and you place a reassuring hand on her back.

“We’ll cross that road if we get there.” You calmly tell her. “Besides, I’m sure that the three of us can solve any problem that comes our way.”

“Optimism looks good on you, Y/N.” Dami compliments as you bite your lip.

“Thanks, but don’t get used to it. I tend to prefer realism over optimism or pessimism.” You add before pulling your hand away from her back.

“Let’s go, then.” Dami nods as Yuna yells once again.

“Let’s go!”

You give the outside world one last look before entering the dilapidated laboratory.

I hope this isn’t the last time I get to see the sun shine. That’d be a real shame, wouldn’t it?

You shake the thought away as you join Yuna and Dami.

No, I shouldn’t think like that. I have to stay alive - for Yuna, for Dami, for myself, and most importantly, for Yoohyeon. We have to be reunited, and I’d rather do it in life than in death.

The flickering red lights and the shards of broken glass that line the floor don’t help shake off the ominous feeling that you have. This is the first time, in a long time, that you’ve been so scared for your life.

I can’t let them down. That’s not who I am.

You stuff any remnants of fear deep inside your heart as you continue to march towards whatever the future may hold for you.

If death is certain, then so is life. I can do this. We can do this.

You shiver as a random breeze tickles the bare parts of your skin.

“Okay, I’ll be the first to say it: This place gives me the creeps!” Yuna says before shivering like you are.

“I don’t get how you’re not cold, Dami.” You mutter before rubbing your arms in an effort to stay warm.

“You get used to the cold after a while.” Dami says before pulling her pistol from her belt. “We should have our weapons ready. Who knows what we’ll run into?”

You grab your handgun as Yuna pulls two matching knives from her backpack.

“I’ve never had to use these before…” Yuna tosses a knife in the air before promptly catching it.

“Let’s hope that you don’t get the chance to.” You comment as Dami turns a corner ahead of the two of you.

You hear her gasp, which causes you and Yuna to quicken your pace.

“What’s going on-”

You pause as you join Dami’s side.

“Wow, it’s almost as if-”

“-Nothing happened.” Dami finishes your statement as you stare at the spick-and-span hallway.

“How is this hallway so clean, and the other one is so… dirty? Is that the right word?” Yuna asks as you examine the clean hallway ahead of you.

“This creeps me out more than the last hallway did. If this place is clean, then this means that someone’s been here. Keep your guards up.” You turn the safety off on your gun, and Dami does the same.

“Wait, shouldn’t that be a good thing? Won’t we be meeting another survivor?”

“Not exactly, Yuna. From the encounters I’ve heard, it seems like zombies are starting to gain more bodily autonomy, and a personality of sorts.” Dami recalls before aiming her gun ahead of her.

“Oh my god.” Yuna mutters in horror.

“Wait, isn’t this the containment section of the lab?” You say as you finally recognize the interior of the hallway.

“Yeah, you’re right. That means that our lab should only be so far away…” Dami glances ahead as you look at Yuna. “I’ve got a plan. You two watch the hallway for any signs of life, and I’ll go towards the lab myself.”

“What if you get ambushed?” Yuna asks.

“I’ve managed to make it this long alone. Another moment alone will not be the death of me, I promise.” Dami says as Yuna finally lets go of your hand.

“I’ll stand guard down here, then.” Yuna stays put as you sigh to yourself.

“You’ll call me if you need me, right?”

Yuna nods at you, and you take a deep breath.

She’ll be fine. Yuna’s a fighter, just like you are.

You turn away from Yuna as you walk with Dami to the other end of the hallway.

“Y/N, you have to promise me something.” Dami turns to you before entering what was once your place of work.

You pause before turning to her.

“What is it?”

“If something happens to me, or if I get bitten, you have to be the one to-”

“No, Dami, don’t say things like that.” You shake your head as tears threaten to fall. “I can’t lose anyone else.”

“I’d rather die than live as one of those flesh-eating monsters. The only reason I’m telling you this is because I don’t want Yuna to do it. It has to be you.”

“I-” You bite your lip before looking back at her. “Is that really what you want?”

“I've never been more sure of anything in my life.” Dami confidently says before tossing you the map. “This’ll get you to the next city, if it comes to that.”

“God, I hate you, Dami.” You let a tear run down your face as Dami deeply sighs. “Someone once told me that being a martyr wasn’t a good way to live my life.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that I’m not you, right?”

Dami gets the last word in before entering the lab. You wipe your tears before walking to the other end of the hallway.

You decide to glance at one of the containment facilities that you pass, and you nearly jump out of your skin when you see that a zombie is trapped inside of it.

That’s not any zombie… that’s got to be Lia!

Your heart breaks for Yuna as you take a step towards the glass container.

These cells are enforced by military-grade glass and metal. It would take an army to break down the walls.

Lia blankly looks at you for a moment before raising her decrepit hand to point at the cell behind you.

You give her a confused you as she continues to point in that direction.

I wonder why she’s-

You nearly drop your gun as you look into the cell on the other side.

I’d recognize that hair and style of clothing anywhere. That’s Yoohyeon, without a doubt.

“Yoohyeon, I-” You struggle to come up with words to say as you sit on the other side of the glass.

She sits inside of the cage, and the dying look in her eyes makes you want to bawl your eyes out.

You place one hand on the glass, and you nearly shatter into a million pieces as Yoohyeon, slowly but surely, raises up her hand to match yours.

“You’re still in there, Yoohyeon. I’ll heal you soon, I promise.” You reassure her and yourself by saying such promising words.

“I love you.” You say, and you watch as she mouths the words back to you.

You burst out crying at the gesture.

No, it shouldn’t have happened like this. Why did it happen like this? She wasn’t even close to here when the outbreak happened, how did she-

You pause as a theory starts to form in your mind.

I worked in such a well-known and well-established laboratory. The news must’ve spread like wildfire, and I’m sure that Yoohyeon found out sooner or later. When she did, she must’ve come running to the facility to find me… and ended up coming in contact with a horde of zombies.

The bite mark on her neck only proves your theory as you wipe the tears from your eyes.

I have to be strong for her. I can do this, I can save her. I just need to have hope.

“Y/N! Y/N, why are you-” Dami freezes as she looks at you, Yoohyeon, and Lia. “We need to go. Now.”

“Why? What’s happening?” You ask as Dami frantically runs a hand through her hair.

“While I was looking in the lab for supplies, I ran into someone’s notes that were printed in fresh ink. Whoever’s here isn't trying to save the world, they’re trying to speed up the end of everything that we’ve ever known.”

“What are you getting at?” You back up from the containment area, and you notice Yoohyeon’s shoulders slouch slightly.

Yoohyeon’s in there! My girl’s still in there. I’ll get you out, I’ll be your hero, and we can live happily ever after. I just ask for your patience.

“The scientist here wants to speed up the spread of the virus. They’re trying to mutate the virus more until it becomes so unstable that it’ll infect people without having to be bitten.”

“Oh shit, that’s bad!” You exclaim before standing up. “Did you figure out why they’re in here?”

“From what I read, they’re the lab subjects for this virus.”

“We can’t let that happen, Dami!” You yell as Dami hands you the gun that you discarded early.

“We have two choices, then."

You bite your lip as tears start to fall from your eyes again.

“You’re not actually suggesting that we-”

“It’s that, or we let them become worse versions of what they are already. I can take care of Yoohyeon, if you want-”

“No.” You take a shaky breath before staring at the gun in your hands. “It has to be me. I can’t let her go without one last goodbye.”

“Make it fast.” She says before turning to face Lia. “I don’t want to be the person who has to break this to Yuna.”

Thanks for that, Dami.

You look back at Yoohyeon, who would look innocent if not for the scars and bits of flesh hanging off of her face.

“Yooh, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” You start as you raise the gun to aim directly in-between her eyes. “There’s so much I never got to say, or do, but you should know that I’ll always love you. That’s the only reason why I’m doing this, you know. You wouldn’t want to become a disgusting creature made for destructive purposes. I still don’t think you’re a true zombie, even if you look and act like one. You’ll always be my Yoohyeon, no matter what-”

You flinch as you hear Dami’s gun go off. She mutters a quick prayer as you continue on.

“I don’t have much time left to say goodbye. I never thought this day would come so soon, or ever. I thought that I’d be the one to go first. Although you were the clumsy one, I’d ending up dying trying to save your ass from whatever stupid scheme you wrapped yourself up in this time.” You bitterly laugh before tasting your salty tears. “I hate this, and there’s a part of me that hates you right now. I wish you weren’t so kind or selfless. I wish you had run away from this place and hadn’t gone looking for me. Yet again, that’s what makes you Yoohyeon, right?”

“Y/N-” Dami says with a soft sternness in her voice.

“I’m sorry again, baby. I hope you’ll forgive me someday for what I’ve done. God knows I’ll never forgive myself for this.”

You wince and brace for impact as you fire the gun. You open your eyes, only to see that Yoohyeon’s already gone. There was no slow death, no final goodbye to be had.

She’s dead, and it’s all your fault.

A tidal wave of grief, guilt, and misery hits you as you come crashing to the floor. Dami manages to throw your gun to the side before catching you before you could hit the gun.

“Give me the damn gun-” You growl out, but Dami shakes her head at you.

“I can’t let you do that, Y/N.” Dami softly says before running a hand through your hair. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Why did it have to be her? Of all of the shitty and awful people in the world, why her? She didn’t do anything wrong, she was perfect-”

“Y/N, I’m sure that she still loves you. Yoohyeon didn’t stop loving you from the moment she met you until the moment she died.”

You swallow the thick lump in your throat as you try to control your free-flowing tears.

“Fuck, Dami, I can’t believe it ended like this.”

“I know, Y/N, I know.” Dami pulls you close to her, and you grab her arm as a way to ground yourself. “You have me and Yuna, we’ll always be here for you."

“I know, but you’re not Yoohyeon.” You bitterly say before pulling yourself away from Dami.

You both hear another set of footsteps approach, and you sigh in relief as Yuna runs towards the two of you with worry in her eyes.

“What happened? I heard gunshots and I came running as soon as I could-” She pauses as she glances over to Lia, and then to Yoohyeon.

Yuna bows her head before silent tears come out of her eyes.

“Yuna-” You start, but Yuna shakes her head.

“I won’t let her die in vain. What did you find out, Dami?”

“To sum it up, there’s someone here who wants to make the virus more infectious and, therefore, more deadly.” Dami answers before standing up.

She offers you a hand and a caring smile, and you happily accept both. Every part of your body hurts, and you still feel sick and guilty inside.

“Do we know where this bastard lives, or do we-”

“No, we shouldn’t go chasing after this guy. We’d become lab rats if we lost.” Dami explains as Yuna shivers.

“I guess we go with Plan B, then.”

“What’s Plan B?” Dami asks as you chuckle for a moment.

“Burn the whole place to ashes.”

Dami laughs before taking your hand in hers.

“That sounds like a plan that I can get behind.”

Yuna smirks before tossing Dami a lighter.

“You get started. I think Y/N and I have some goodbyes to say, right?”

“I-” You pause as Yuna and Dami look at you. “Yeah, I think she needs that, and so do I.”

“If either of you need me, you know where to find me.” Dami says before letting go of your hand. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I can handle myself, thank you very much.” You shoot back as Dami sighs.

“I know. That’s why I worry about you so much.” Dami gets the final word in as she leaves you and Yuna alone.

You hear Yuna have a conversation with Lia as if she’s still here, and that gives you the courage to face Yoohyeon one last time.

Her eyes are closed, and she looks to be at peace. When you first saw her, she looked in distress and sickly. The girl in front of you looked more like Yoohyeon than she did only a few minutes ago.

“Hey, I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I’m always here for you, okay? No matter what, baby, I am here because we’re soulmates. You’ll always own a part of my heart. I may move on and find other lovers, but you’ll always be a part of me. I can’t be more thankful for the moments we spent together, and although I’m greedy for more, I will always treasure the time we spent together. Every shared kiss, every silent romantic moment, and every second of domestic bliss will stay with me until we meet again. I await the day we shall meet again, my dearest Yoohyeon. I’ve dedicated my heart, my time, my energy, and my soul to you. I can only hope you’ve done the same. I wish I’d said this all to you when you were breathing, when you were still Yoohyeon, but I guess death brings out the best of us, right?”

You could’ve sworn that you saw Yoohyeon’s lips twitch and turn into her famous smirk that would always appear after you said something witty.

I guess I really am losing it without you here. You were my rock, and now I’m swimming in a current without my lifevest.

“I love you, Yoohyeon. Forever and always. Never forget that, okay? No matter where you are, you’ll always be with me.”

As you step away from her, you swore that you heard her voice say I love you back.

Your memories shall stay with me as long as I live. You will never truly die, Yoohyeon, because I will never allow for such a heinous act to happen.

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