#just kill me now i would die happy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

astrobei · 9 months ago

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UNHEARD????????????????????????

#just kill me now i would die happy #spent abt 3 hours today screaming at link to stop falling off cliffs and/or freezing to death #taking a hozier ep break and just died a more painful death than all of link’s deaths combined.#goddaWHATT HE FUCK I IKKWNENN #HOZIER #EMPIRE NOW??????KILLING MYSELFLFFRFFWHATS THENCU K

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marionmorse · 5 months ago

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MARIONMORSE, DROP ANOTHER HELMETPARTY SCENARIO AND MY LIFE IS YOUUURSS 🙏🙏🙏🙏

do u think... Do you think sometimes when the team has a movie night, when they watch those 60's action war movies like "Von Ryan's Express" and "Battle of the Bulge" or spaghetti westerns like "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" and "Death Rides on a Horse," Soldier pauses during or right after fight scenes or duels or whatever to obsessively overanalyze them. Like, he'll try and turn them into strategies to use on the job, takes, uhm, 'notes', (tactical doodles,) sets up nerdy models using a whiteboard map and improvised figurines, uses these examples when he does those psyche-up pre-battle speeches or during strategy meetings.

'Cause I bet he does, I bet he does that, and it completely kills the momentum of the movie to the point where the rest of the team gets disinterested and slowly leaves him behind to do their own thing.

I genuinely bet Engie wouldn't though, nah, I bet he's enough of a patient kind of gentle kind of man willing to stick through these pauses 'cause he's just that into the movie. And maybe he's just a teeny bit into Soldier's dissections of actiony chaos. Maybe gleans a bit of an understanding of Soldier's thinking that way. Admires the guy's passion about his 'research,' how thoughtfully he gathers details in an effort to help the team. Starts mixing in tapes for these sorts of movies more regularly to their movie night pool maybe subconsciously, maybe on purpose. The rest of the team doing their own movie night. losers.

#soldier being autistic about 60's action movies #just like me fr fr #the original die hard would fucking KILL him oh my god can you imagine #engie sitting with sparkly eyes watching soldier go off about the duel in a fistful of dollars:#tf2 headcanons #tf2 #engineer tf2 #helmet party #engiesolly #eftanz u are a hero genuinely your art killed me then brought me back its crazy #praying to the time and space gods to let me airdrop reels of die hard indiana jones and robocop to the red base like a hunger games sponsor #guy gets shot in a movie:#soldier tf2 with his jaw wide open: holy shit... did you see that..?#when u asked this i though “oh god oh no this well is dry what am i gonna do”#but then this happened. ily #solly is over here developing advanced attack methods inspired by war epics #engie over here like: waow... he's so passionate... sighs...#maybe hes just happy somebody else loves cheesy spaghetti westerns #j....just like me.......fr.....#romcom trope where they reach for the popcorn bucket at the same time and touch hands #romcom trope where the characters in the movie fall in love and engie looks up at soldier like “wow....thats crazy haha...”#the onesided movie date. engie is too nervous to ask him on a real one so this will do.#for now.

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ahopefulbromantic · 6 days ago

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wait do you believe in hell as eternal conscious torment? (im curious bc that debate has been a crux of my own journey w faith & christianity)

I believe in hell as eternal disconnection from God or more precisely as defined by the Catechism a "state of definitive self-exclusion from communion with God and the blessed" (CCC 1033). How that would look like i have no idea but i do know that tearing yourself apart from the one and only source of life, love, happiness, fulfilment, goodness, and everything that is good would absolutely be the worst torment imaginable, or rather well, unimaginable. And i do know God would hate to have His beloved children be in this state. I hope with all my heart that hell is completely empty, i wouldn't wish it upon anyone and i mean anyone

Oh and since you mentioned a debate, can you tell me more about it? Cause i'm not sure what you're refering to and i'd love to learn more! God bless you anon and best wishes for your journey with faith!

#i worry sometimes that i don't do enough to help save my siblings in Christ from hell #sometimes i have this secret tiny hope that at the end of times when God comes to judge the living and the dead #that They will find a way to save souls in hell too #if there are any souls in hell by then that is #i know this could go against free will if the souls have consciously chosen to be damned forever #but maybe there's a way? an impossible illogical way accessible only to God?...#the truth is we have no idea what the eternal life is like and probably all this pondering is non-applicable anyway #yknow i always interpreted God's Judgment on Egypt and its gods in Exodus and killing the firstborns as Him coming to them and just #showing His real divine face like He *almost* did with Moses and saying “I love you. Which God do you want to worship now?”#and i can't imagine them do anything else in this moment than give up their previous “gods” and praise Yahweh #they would ofc die because God's face but they would die most blessed death and see Him and be happy with Him forever #and it gives me hope that maybe He judges other people the same way when they die idk #i'm rambling again #christianity #catholic #ccc #hell

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a-star-that-burns-brightly · 1 year ago

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Okay so after reading a bunch of theories on Deep Cover and rewatching the MV about 30 times, my only coherrant thought is that I want Kotoko Yuzuriha to be fucking okay

#{ ⚖️ after knowing all I wonder. can you really forgive them? 👁️}#She really do be thinking that there is no going back huh #that killing that serial killer cursed the rest of her life and that she can only be this huh #I was excited for her in Trial 3 but now I'm just afraid #I know that none of these guys are going to get a happy ending. At best they'll get a bittersweet one #But there is zero happy ending in sight for Kotoko because she literally refuses to let herself have one #And that makes me so??? damn sad???#Honestly the only hope I have now is that she doesn't die but I honestly can't even feel safe believing that #In fact from a narrative perspective I think she is the character that would make the most sense to die at the end of all of this #And that scares me !!! Jesus Christ !!#milgram project #milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #yuzuriha kotoko #milgram kotoko

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lilowoof · 4 months ago

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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone #you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run #my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point #the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer #why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up #what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation #and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other #that might be fun #also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING #but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion #but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha #ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog #one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art #gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free #ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-

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delightful-69 · 4 months ago

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#I do genuinely feel jealous at those who managed to move away from their dickhead family and forever not associated with them.#Like. It's stupid. I should feel happy for them #But i'm also a dickhead myself so...damn. wish that could have been me #Everyone in this family is just...worse and worse...including me #Like. How many times i vent and finding reasons to talk shit about them #I'm still the loser that stuck here #Instead of...idk...actually working up the skills and courage to move out #Now i'm just being a moron sitting here and listen to their “i'll kill myself” jokes #It's not jokes. Cuz' 65% they will do it. Or just die to natural causes. Pffr #But they keep confessing it to me out of the blue that i feel like it's a running gag #Like. Man. I'm trying #Or am i????#Just...looking for motivations from every small joys from messages or stupid things i did or said to coworkers #But in the end. I'm still here #Will i ever get out????#Maybe?????#Man. Either i died in this shit hole. Hopefully before them.#Or died outside due to proverty but maybe i would feel a bit of happiness of not being with them anymore #Blergh. Whatever happens happens i guess #Or however people say it #Back to liking tumblr post or playing video games because i literally has no other hobbies

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bitegore · 2 months ago

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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.

#red rambles #im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like #interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on #person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him #which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up #nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time #ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i #get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a #literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he #maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly #thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like #cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this #as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an #it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like #misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate #parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to #work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one #and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t #but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real #im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing #haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there #than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades #get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know #it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead #in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good #person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water #my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort #bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle #the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum #isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year #program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to #get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying #as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol #hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of #sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess #but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it #hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not #causing it. ugh symptom management i guess #unrelated

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mad-hunts · 4 months ago

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✧

send me a ✧ and i’ll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).

i would kill you. ✧ i would physically hurt you. ✧ i would attack you unprovoked. ✧ i would manipulate you. ✧ i dislike you. ✧ you annoy me. ✧ you scare me. ✧ you intimidate me. ✧ i hope i intimidate you. ✧ i pity you. ✧ you disgust me. ✧ i hate you. ✧ i’m indifferent toward you. ✧ i’d like to get to know you better. ✧ i’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ i’d like to be friends with you. ✧ i’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ i’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ you are my friend. ✧ you are my best friend. ✧ you are my mentor. ✧ i look up to you. ✧ i respect you. ✧ you are my hero. ✧ you inspire me. ✧ you are my enemy. ✧ you make me happy. ✧ i want to protect you. ✧ i would fight by your side. ✧ i consider you an equal. ✧ i think you are beneath me. ✧ i think you are above me. ✧ i would lie for you. ✧ i would lie to you. ✧ i would sleep with you. ✧ i would sleep by your side. ✧ i would hug you. ✧ i would kiss you. ✧ you are family to me. ✧ i would die for you. ✧ i would kill for you. ✧ i would trust you with my life. ✧ i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ i would trust you with a secret. ✧ i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ i love you (platonically). ✧ i love you (romantically).

#sifonie #OOH BOYYY. the mixed nature of this is... JSJSJ i'm sorry about barton ramone he is justtt. Not the best person even around people-#he likes / cares about sometimes NGL and a lot of his relationships if not all of them are (unfortunately) unstable to at least a small-#degree. though of course i'm not trying to justify his behavior at all here... i just think that barton literally Cannot Help himself-#whenever it comes to manipulating people to the point where he may even do it unconsciously sometimes as terrible as that might sound 💀#and as for the whole 'you scare me' thing i think this just applies in the context of sibyl technically having the power to like. Kill him-#if they wanted to even if they wouldn't considering that they are like siblings to each other you know? and barton is naturally a-#distrustful person SO that also adds to him feeling a bit scared of them at times i think ahahhh.#but that's enough of talking about the negative stuff!! let's talk about how barton sees sibyl as an equal and would die for them...#because i honestly that serves as SUCH a dichotomy to the first thing's that i highlighted here and normally those thing's-#probably wouldn't coexist within the same person but if there is one thing that barton is - it's surprising in regards to how complex-#he can make his relationships with people JSJSJ LMAO but barton wanting to protect them is also? kind of sweet as well?? like OMG #plus the fact that they make him happy is 😭 it's really kind of touching in my humble opinion.#now if only barton didn't feel the need to LIE and still manipulate people sometimes even when he likes them...#then we'd be golden but i guess that would be asking for too much from him JSJSJ #not me talking as if he's real 😂 nooo but this was seriously really fun to fill out so thank you for sending this prompt to me ramone!!#and i hope i was able to shed a little more light on their relationship from barton's side of thing's bc i feel like it can be hard to tell #what barton truly thinks about someone even when i'm writing him in the 'stream of consciousness' style haha #also the italics is a 'maybe' in this case so it doesn't apply all the time!!

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wfuckshit42 · 5 months ago

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here's my hot take

#your boyfriend game #i forgot who the other characters are but heres little miss cockblocker and my beloved TK 💚✨💕💖🫀💔#i call him that becuase he keeps COCKBLOCKING me by committing murder and thats crine.#cringe #i like thinking about the high school au because i have confidence that if he went to school with me i could drive him to suicide.#i have the opposite of rizz. like instead of making people want me i make them hate themselves. only when i want to tho #and it's not like i have anything against bald people or violent criminals. the warden from human centipede 3 is both of those and i want #him so fucking badly. all day all night no lube no protection god is dead and we have killed him knock me out and attach me to the prison c #ntipede.#anyway i tried to play this game because he reminded me of said warden. but i got kind of attached to the landlord character #and when i found out theres no way to have sex with him i got so mad i threw up & punched a wall & now my real landlord is mad at me for p #unching a wall.#god's whims are cruel and i am a plaything of life😃#and its all this eggcel (pre-trans femcel) (my headcanon) 's fault i hope everyone die slowly and painfully #except TK i want them to live. they deserve to be happy 💖#anyway i wish p*t*r was real so i could send him this image. i think he would kill himself if he saw this. i would if i was him #i would also kill myself as soon as i found out i was named after a f*mily g*y character tho. so obviously he's not very similar to me.#hate. let me tell you how much ive come to hate you since i began to live. tehre are 387.44 mi9llion miles of #hey if you censor f*m*ly g*y like f***** g*y people will think you're just being homophobic instead of a show hater #gonna start censoring it ike that. teehee #anywway #miku binder the joker and vivziepop heffley. fight #my posts

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sysig · 1 year ago

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Dying about stick figures rn (Patreon)

#Doodles #AvA #Decided that since all of AvM Season 3 is out and compiled that would be a good thing to watch - and also all of Part V to start on Part VI #Because eating a whole bunch of A Thing at once is totally not a recipe for Things To Happen in my brain lol #Nah I'm happy about it ♪ I keep Meaning to do other things and then- :P Such is the way #Anyway it's been too long since I've drawn them <3 And I realized I have everyone's colours in pencil now! Not just ink!#Makes for some chunky lads at times - Red probably got the worst of it overall lol - but it's decently fun :D #My drawing teeny-tiny was amped up since y'know. They're stick figures - but did not take into account that my pencils are a little wide #Did not change after discovering this either lol you cannot remove me from my love of doodling tiny #Love 'em ♥#I still hold my fondness for The Dark Lord/The Chosen One! Yes I've seen all of Part V I just mentioned that! Lol #They are husbands I'm not in denial you're in denial #And then The King and Purple just kinda completely took over my attention lol ♪ I love them <3 #Flawed lads both of them! Puzzle pieces shaped like each other's broken hearts #Nothing kills me faster than adopted kids crossing the touch barrier with their adopted parent and being open and safe with each other I die #I'm quite happy with Purple's hug there ah <3 For that reason but also the way his arms are wrapped around his dad haha #It's cute! :D I'm pleased ♫#I can imagine a lot of these in the animated style and honestly it's got me a little itching to give it a go #There's a reason stick figure animation is so popular! Beginner-friendly haha

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furrysmp · 9 months ago

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congrats to everyone that is still following me after I saw I had way too many followers to not have at least one antisemitic person following me, the fact that you don't think I murder children for fun is truly a comfort

#I wish this was /s but no genuinely #Had 22 followers. Every time I reach past 20 at least one is antisemitic #I now have 15 followers #thanks for not hating me for being born in a country once btw #Like listen I don't mind if you mass reblog propal stuff. That's good #Just please make sure it's not the posts that talk about how israelis are all evil and want to murder everyone #And maybe reblog. One post about how there's a lot of antisemitism in propal spaces #And how you don't want to make the jews on your blog scared or uncomfortable over that #Just one post. It doesn't have to be praising israel bc fuck knows I hate our current government so much #But I see posts about how secular jews in israel are actually european colonizers roleplaying #And I think about how 100 years ago my great grandparents moved here #And how I'm genuinely scared for my sister who is visiting friends in the uk in a month #And how I'm scared for myself if I ever leave this country again #Because apparently me not wanting to die is controversial in all my political spaces #Except for pro israelis leftist spaces #And that's really sad #That I don't feel safe with yall anymore #Idk #I once joined a mcytblr discord server #The first day I'm there someone asks to “censor i/p” and gets the response “just don't look at the vent channel”#So. I looked.#Not a single person in that server cared enough to say “but it's not all israelis” at the people raving about i/p #Like people out there saying I on a personal level would be happy to murder people because of where I was born #I still get squirmy killing spiders that have rather painful bites. I could never hurt another human on purpose #And they just kept agreeing with each other in the most echo-chamber-y way #So. I left that server #And now I barely do mcyt fandom stuff because I'm scared of getting attention #I don't want attention on my blog or on me as a person #Because at least one in 20 followers will cheer if I get murdered #And that's fucking heartbreaking

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uniformbravo · 1 year ago

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when u thought the webtoon was too het to get ur hopes up for the gay ship but then one of them wakes the other from a sleeping curse w a true love's kiss

#hmsnngnsng i would die for damien from hooky & if anything ever happens to him etc etc #(webcomic where characters can die im SWEATING. tfw ur boy has all the makings of a tragic son of a bitch auaouaghhgogh)#definitely things will end well. i believe #retag later #webtoons blogging #ive been reading hooky for like 2 or 3 weeks now and i am.... hehe.... u could say im.... lmao get ready for this.... lol....... im hoo #its a daily pass series since its completed so im gradually making my way thru #october's almost over tho im scared what the deal's gonna be for next month (since it seems to change monthly)#rn its 2 daily passes plus 3 ad unlocks per day & i think i will dry up like a raisin if its anything less #pls webtoon dont kill me i need it. i need u #i need my gay son damien 😔😔😔#i need him to have one (1) happiness just one. maybe more

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goldiipond · 2 years ago

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sometimes i think abt how ray was originally intended to be successful with his suicide attempt until the editor essentially said ‘no dont do that. that’s stupid’

#skye's ramblings #i could say i owe him my life but tbh that man fucking confuses me. every new thing i learn abt this series thts related to him is like. huh #i do owe him this fucking year long hyperfix bc i know for a fact i wouldnt have bothered w the manga if he died like that #like not even situation of 'i cant go on without my blorbo' but just. ray was so traumatized and hurting aqnd like. the death he chose?#was fucking brutal. if they made such a deeply traumatized kid die like that ithink that would have just felt. gross to put it lightly #and it just would have been a shitty way to end his character arc. ray's story is such a beautiful story abt healing #SO much more powerful than saying heres this abused damaged child we're gona kill him now without showing him a glimpse of happiness sory <3 #anywaya i feel very strongly abt this. surprising no one #suicide mention

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smoothoperador · 2 years ago

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#sorry i need to vent ignore this #my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit #bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer #and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted #but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but #now i hate it again i hate it so much #ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN #and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but #i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers #but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but #it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression #like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be #in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly #to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and #i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn #im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now #i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it #clara tais toi #like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO #preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and #the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like #it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted #dl later

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robotic-maid · 2 years ago

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I’m gonna vent in the tags but I promise I’m chill

#sometimes after working for 12 hours straight I want to cry but my antidepressants make it really hard to so I just get a migraine #is it bad I feel bad for feeling bad #like if I could afford to not pay a bill I would be hospitalized right now for sure #but i just don’t have the luxury #I have vacation coming up… our mandatory overtime is almost done but even the vacation doesn’t seem worth it #how do you keep going when all you do is sleep and work and sleep and work and sleep and work #it feels like hell #but this was my reward for growing up #I don’t want to make my friends feel bad for me #I don’t want to disappoint my family anymore #but it’s not like feeling this way will kill me so that’s how I justify letting myself say any of this at all #oh if I say it then it won’t stay inside me #but it’s like a broken faucet there’s just so much #just shut up about it if you’re not gonna quit your job or emit yourself or die #just be happy you get to keep trying and that this isn’t forever #wait for the meds to kick in and go to bed and tommorrow you’ll wake up with a lighter chest #and maybe just maybe the you 5 years from now will be grateful #and then I’m happy.#saying these things somehow just cheer me up #I’m not upset that I’m alive I’m upset that I have bills and. a stupid job with hellish hours and I’m too scared to do something wrong #to move the wrong way and start a landslide that makes things worse again #but I’ll be fine because I’m always fine #and this bad situation will end because it always ends #thank you for letting me be born

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