#just keep them away from me and i'm good
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starry-bi-sky · 7 months ago
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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salvadorbonaparte · 11 months ago
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Can we talk about how two of the big name language learning sites (Duolingo and Memrise) have both simultaneously lost in quality and are trying to completely change their own thing so much that they're nearly unusable now
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thekittyokat · 3 months ago
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my partner and i have been fleshing out our coffinchain dynamics for a few months now and our ideal lawrence/strahm dynamic is one where lawrence has patiently been observing hoffstrahm shenanigans from afar and watching mark try his damndest to recruit peter into their cult with all of the expected methods ("pleadse please let me hit please please pleasee you're nothing i'm gonna put you in another saw trap i want you so bad") generally coming on strong with the beating the shit out of each other and then making out sloppy
& either out of curiosity or boredom or seeing strahm as a possibly useful asset he decides to toss his hat into the ring with a more "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" approach. which is to say that lawrence is a master of the long con and plays it super normal and polite w strahm and talks about shared interests like books (romance novels enjoyer strahm truther) and sweets (they both have sweet tooth tendencies i know it) and just occasionally he slips in the odd little "oh, would you mind fetching (x) for me...?" sort of request and when strahm does it he leans in heavy on the compliments and he's happy to tell peter how much more useful he is than hoffman etc etc
and by the time peter puts two and two together and realizes lawrence is training him like a dog it's too late he's already been pavlov'd into enjoying this british fuck's company. lawrence has won the game of 4d niceties chess. strahm's literally sitting at a table with him for afternoon tea and little pastries and just sets the cup down and goes "you motherfucker." and lawrence just smiles knowingly and offers peter the little bowl of sugar cubes
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sysig · 2 months ago
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Some scribbles :) (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Texture work is original sure lol#Went in hard on one of those Drawing Advice posts about ''Hey - literally just put pencil to paper and go no worries''#It was fun :D I Do still want to just doodle freely sometimes!#I still enjoy some structure to it so I ended making a grid of various like map-style textures to tell different biomes apart lol#But just general funsies scribbles were pretty good! I enjoyed the lot :)#S'good to just Make with abandon sometimes haha#I really like the hatching effect generally and it's something I want to improve at/implement more so the practice was nice there :)#Layering on paper/with only the one digital layer is always an interesting exercise in negative space and keeping things readable#I like drawing clouds with notably flat bottoms haha I think it's funny that they just sit there#I guess I'm used to cirrus clouds a lot so seeing cumulus big puffies with a clear delineation between bottom and the rest is just fun to me#They look like toys! Designed to sit! But they're just up there! How fun!#Squiggly branches/veins was something I did a tooon as a kid before I got into Drawing On Purpose y'know#Just pages and pages of branches on branches#And curls that curled away from each other - did a little bit of that with the circles and lines but not that much haha#I dunno if I still have any but it's interesting how that dwindled down to basically never over time#I definitely know what I prefer to draw these days but hmm still wonder a bit!#And loop-di-loops haha I was thinking of Erase quite a lot for that one honestly#And the way some Disney Princesses give autographs which one is it-#Belle! I remember when I got her autograph years ago and was really enamoured with the flourish :D#Grace and elegance in shape! Ah! So cool#That and RGB from TPoH haha - all these swoopies! I like them very much :)
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"But why would Sonic still be friends with them why wouldn’t he denounce them or treat them like the villains they are? Why won't he realize they're just evil?"
First of all, has it perhaps occured to you that Sonic loves/cares for them no matter what they do and doesn't want to hurt them if he doesn't have to? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he doesn't see them like irredeemable villains and it's not because he's a dumb dumb idiot?
Second of all, haha keep talking and I'm gonna unroll my character analysis essay. "They're just evil" yeah that's rich. Bet you thought the ending of the series was about "redeeming" them too, huh?
#sondread#sonine#sonic prime#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles the dread#nine the fox#I'm gonna be a prime sonic defender forever at this rate#Anyways I channeled the me from between seasons 2 and 3 who was frustrated at seeing the stuff people were saying about my favs#Prime Sonic somehow seems to compel people to start foam at the mouth as they call him stupid and deride him for being hopeful and seeing#the good and people#and then somehow the people who are willing to be okay about Prime Sonic's tendency to try to save everyone and towards self sacrifice#can only believe it as long as sonic stupidly and naively believes his beloved friends are good people as these 'friends' so skillfully#manipulate him#Then when Sonic sees them at their worst canonically those people start foaming at the mouth when he doesn't instantly denounce or try to#imprison/kill these characters#It makes me less frustrated when it comes to Dread because I can get what people are seeing and unfortunately whatever talk transpired#between Sonic leaving the yoke in s3 and everyone else coming to fight Nine happened offscreen#You do have to dig at least slightly beyond surface level interpretation to get the reading that Dread is more than just an evil guy who was#pretending to not be#(although I would have thought how he originally tried to save his crew from experiencing him at his worst by keeping himself away from his#obsession would mean something but I digress)#With Nine to believe that he's always just been evil and manipulative to Sonic so he could backstab him you quite literally have to ignore#everything we see across the whole series and the feelings that come through in the final episodes of seasons 2 and 3#and ONLY believe that what Renegade and Shadow say about Nine (and the chaos council in s3) is canon#And yes I do think that if you thought S3 was about redeeming certain characters so the ending could be happy go lucky then you are missing#the point of what Sonic Prime tried to say and of Sonic’s own philosophy#I daresay you missed the point of some of these characters as well if you think their arcs are about how they end with them redeeming#themselves so they can become good people and therefore deserve life and a home#fandom wank#i just be ramblin
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yashley · 2 years ago
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“Are you sure it wasn’t intentional?” / “Do you think she might be working for the bad guys?”
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cryolyst · 4 months ago
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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softquietsteadylove · 4 months ago
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Hey I thought about an interesting AU and I wanted to ask you what you think about this one.
Thenamesh quiet place AU!
Maybe them living and surviving together and they find Makkari and Sprite and they decide to take them in?
Or you can put your own version in it! You decide
Thena looked around the campground, being careful of the sticks and leaves that might be remotely louder than silent. Of course things seemed calm, but one could never be too sure.
Being out of the city at least was hopeful. She and Gil had managed to leave together because of living in the same apartment complex. They could only hope their other friends had made it out and to some of the boats. That was the goal now; find water.
It was no guarantee, but it was a hell of a lot better than nothing.
Gil waved to her, pointing at a caravan in the back, close to the trees. She nodded. The further from the city they got, the quieter things were, but that certainly didn't mean that they were alone out here. But they needed supplies, just like anyone else.
She walked ahead, being the quieter footed of the two of them. Gil did his best, but he was a dense ball of muscle, some noises were just inevitable. She looked around the area; still nothing. Slowly and carefully, she reached for the latch on the door. It wasn't silent, but it wasn't loud either.
Gil held his hand up. She had heard it too. He walked closer, holding up the butane torch he kept on him as a weapon. It gave off some sound, but it was still a hell of a lot quieter than any gun. And fire seemed reasonably effective against those things.
She pressed her back to the outside wall of the camper. She couldn't hear that clicking sound, which was a good sign. But it could still be a stray animal in there that could let out a shriek and spell their doom. Or perhaps the things were evolving and disguising the telltale sound of their presence.
Gil opened the door and poised his arm in the air. She peeked at him from behind, ready to pull him out if something went wrong. But he just stood there. She frowned.
"Uh-"
Well, that was odd. She moved around the door and behind him, trying to see past his wide shoulder. She bent, instead, looking through the gap between his arm and his side. She blinked, "oh."
The kids were huddled together, not terribly young but no older than their early teens. One with unruly red hair was glaring at Gil from under the table. The other one was facing him head on with a baseball bat held high above her little head.
The one under the table gave them the finger.
Gil shut off the blow torch, holding his palms out to show his intention of being friendly. He pressed his finger to his lips. The girls traded a look between them. At least the baseball bat was lowered.
He shook his head as something was signed to him. He looked at her for help, shaking his head and making a face. She nodded; it wasn't her best language, of course, but she knew some.
The girl was fluent, her hands moving rapidly, and with a definite sense of displeasure.
Thena held up her palms as well, urging the girl to slow down. She already wasn't good with kids, let alone kids when communication was even harder than usual. Slower, please.
The girl blinked, maybe pleased or at least surprised to have found someone who knew sign language to any extent. She looked at the smaller one again. Maybe.
I'm Thena, she began, spelling things out in what she was sure was a clumsy way, for the girl. That's Gil. You?
Makkari, the older one also spelled out, before offering a sign that clearly was a shorthand for her name. She even repeated, clearly not expecting much from them. She pointed, Sprite.
Thena nodded, looking up at Gil and then the kids. Why are you alone?
Makkari helped Sprite out from under the table. She pointed at the door, which Thena latched carefully. They had hung blankets in the windows, either for safety or to dampen any incidental sounds.
"We were camping."
Thena and Gil both looked at Sprite with surprise. Maybe they had assumed both kids would be mute. Gil looked at her before gently motioning for her to sit across from the kids at the breakfast nook table. He remained standing. "How long have you been out here?"
Sprite shrugged, although Makkari mentioned something about at least six months. How these two girls had survived all by themselves like this was beyond them. "When everything happened, our mom went to ask someone what was happening. She...she never came back."
Thena frowned; Gil physically winced. His heart was much too tender for all this. She leaned forward in her seat, what have you been doing to keep yourselves safe out here?
The girls traded a look again. They were integral to each other's survival out here. "Kari goes looking for things. She's really fast, and those things kind of don't always notice her."
That was interesting. But if the girl was quick and light on her feet, maybe she was as negligible as the wildlife, in terms of sound.
Makkari pointed at them, you're the first people we've seen.
Since everything happened. Thena looked up at Gil. The look on his face didn't surprise her. They weren't allowed pets in the building they had lived in back in the city, but she always imagined Gil would be the type to rescue a kitten from a box in the rain. And this would be the expression he would have on when he found it. She put her hand on his arm, shaking her head quietly.
He held out his hand.
She made a face, hoping to keep the kids from seeing it. She didn't want to abandon them here either. But kids were a whole other level of liability in their mission to find a safe haven in this new world--this dangerous world.
He put his hand over hers, but gave her a much firmer look. He wasn't going to leave them here, and 'no' wasn't an option.
She sighed through her nose. She could have guessed that was the case. Gil was just too sweet.
"Uh, hello?"
Thena looked at the girls again. They were both still distrusting of them, for which she couldn't fault them at all. This wasn't the kind of world in which just anyone could be trusted. "We-"
"We're not asking you to drag us along, if that's what you're thinking."
They had to be at least 13, judging by the attitude they both had. Thena resisted the urge to roll her eyes; this was exactly why she had been poised to say no. Gil would be a great guardian and father-figure. He would make a great dad, if the world hadn't outright ended. She, on the other hand, was no mother-hen.
"It's not safe for you to stay here," Gil said oh-so gently and sweetly. His voice was comforting, like a blanket. "We can help each other."
We're doing just fine, Makkari argued, her hands smacking together slightly in her passion, right here!
Thena reached out, snatching the girls hands before they could clap together, palm against palm. Makkari looked affronted but she raised her eyebrows at the girl. Careful.
Perhaps chastised for the first time in months, both girls quieted. They looked at her with their big, sad eyes. Makkari pulled her hands away slowly and offered a sheepish, sorry.
Gil peeked out from their blanket curtains, making sure nothing was lurking around outside. He patted her shoulder.
It was all clear; Thena leaned back in her seat again. Still, she spoke barely above a whisper, "come with us."
The kids looked at each other, but rather than seeming to have their own conversation between them, they looked tentative. They looked scared, frightened at the possibility of leaving what shreds of a home they still had.
Thena sighed again. "How much food do you have?"
Both girls blushed, perhaps their stomachs were rumbling quietly as they spoke.
Gil hurriedly and happily took off his backpack and dug around in it. "Why didn't you say so?"
Thena gave the girls a smile; Gil looked big and tough, but he was a teddy bear if ever there was one. He was a chef.
The girls' eyes both brightened, big turquoise and speckled brown respectively. They clearly had been living sparingly, eating what they could manage to get their hands on after the immediate supplies ran low.
"Here," Gil whispered, putting down a cloth bundle of dried meats. "It's jerky."
"His recipe," she added with a hint of satisfaction as the girls all but wrestled over it. "He marinates it himself."
The kids tore at it like wild animals. But Gil just chuckled, leaning on Thena's shoulder. "I have more, and biscuits and roasted nuts. You guys can have as much as you want."
They would get spoiled. But Thena had to admit that it was nice to see something as hopeful as kids devouring some good food after everything everyone had been through. She patted Gil's arm as she stood from the seat. "I told you it's good."
He rolled his eyes at her, but he returned her affectionate little pat as she checked the other window. "It'll be dark in a few hours. We can stay here tonight."
The kids looked up and then at each other and then back at them.
We'll need supplies for travelling. We can collect things a little at a time and use this place to sleep safely. When we have enough food and water for everyone, then we'll go.
Sprite had a piece of jerky still dangling from her lip when she asked, where?
Terrible manners, not that those mattered anymore. Thena set her bag down too. "We have to look for water. Those things can't swim. Water is the best way for us to survive."
"Uh, we can't-"
"You don't have to swim," Gil amended quickly and gently. He leaned down, subtly reaching into his pack for more food. "I can't swim very well."
That was an exaggeration; he sank like a stone. Not that she was much better. But Thena smiled, "we'll find a boat, or something. Then maybe we can find an island that still has some people."
The kids shrugged. They weren't concerned with finding the remains of civilisation. They were only concerned with tomorrow, and maybe the day after. They had each other, and that was enough for them.
Thena pushed forward the biscuits for them to also devour like hyenas (which they did. "Where do you two sleep?"
Makkari chewed with her mouth open (great). But she gestured to the benches on which they were sitting.
Thena looked at the camper as a whole--there was a larger bed at one end and a smaller, elevated area at the other, directly under the window. She pointed at the larger one for Gil, you take that one.
She would have to teach him some sign, but he got what he needed from it. Enough to give her a look and insist that she take the larger bed. He pointed to where he stood; he would stand guard.
She rolled her eyes more blatantly at him, "you still need to sleep, Gil."
"And I will," he insisted before gesturing to the smaller shelf of a bed, "there."
Sprite gulped down some dry biscuit, crumbles flying from her mouth as she said, "what, are you guys in a fight or something?"
She frowned, and Gil looked at her too. She shook her head, "what?--no, why?"
Makkari waved her finger between them, aren't you married?
Thena's jaw dropped. These impudent kids--completely without manners, so full of attitude. And why would they assume that?! Just because she and Gil were travelling together didn't mean they were married! They didn't seem married...did they?
"What?"
She rubbed her temple, trying to conceal her frustration. It was just a question by some unruly kids. She picked up her head and smiled at him, "nothing. You should get some rest now, then you can take watch later."
He made a face at her, and at the girls giggling at him.
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virtualcarrot · 24 hours ago
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On the one hand, I do get the impulse to make ambiguously mild to darker-skinned anime/manga characters be black mixed-race or brown indigenous or the like.
On the other hand, there's something mildly frustrating about it, especially when it's done with the best intentions of diversity and representation, and instead contributes to the erasure of brown-skinned East Asian people.
Like, again, I get why we in the West have a tendency to see a tan and run with it in the euphoria of diversity. Genuinely. But it kind of feels like a double-edged sword.
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mastersoftheair · 8 months ago
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Sorry but am I the only one that thought that episode…sucked? Like it was straight up bad. Horrible pacing, no wrap up of all the random characters and plot lines they’ve thrown around all season (the tuskegee airmen, Westgates spying, literally all the guys beside like the main 4). (Seriously it makes me so mad that the three redtails got all of 5 seconds of screen time, almost no lines. Literally what was the point of introducing them other than to pretend the show was iNcLuSiVe) Even at the end of BoB and the Pacific you get a much better idea of what happened to all the remaining guys. In this they’re like what happened to DeMarco or Hambone or Brady or (insert character here) we don’t know! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The concentration camp scene felt shoehorned in compared to how it was done in BoB. Unless that actually happened to Rosie (which i haven’t heard anything about) but it was just like.. ok? It all felt so rushed and emotionless to me. Maybe I’ve just fallen out of love with MoTA but it’s been downhill for me since episode 6 or so.
i already made a little (read: long) post-finale write-up here, where i talk about the use of the tuskegee airmen, l'sandra, and overall editing/pacing issues i felt the show had. but i don't agree with the notion that adding the redtails was in any way insincere or trying to halfass being "iNcLuSiVe", i just think they suffer from this show's obvious time constraints. and to summarize what i wrote in my linked post, there's a limit to what white writers/directors/producers can do when creating a story about black people. there are some stories i'd feel uncomfortable with them telling on their own, truth be told. dee rees wasn't the sole nonwhite director, but she Was the only black one. i think she did her job well given the limitations and i appreciate that they let her direct those episodes, rather than leaving it up to a team of white people trying their best to tell a black story.
the worst i can say about the finale is that it didn't feel like That strong of finale, tho i wouldn't go as far to say it "sucked" or call it "straight up bad". i liked it plenty, it's just the weakest of the hbo war finales imo.
as for the concentration camp scene, artistic license was taken with both shows. unlike what's seen in the BoB, easy company wasn't the first to arrive at kaufering, and there's 0 mention of the all-japanese american 552nd who helped them liberate it). similarly, rosie rosenthal did assist in liberating those camps, though it would've been after the events shown this episode. idk if he saw one in that up-close way seen in this episode, but he could've (i should research this when i have time). plus, it would've felt weird Not having him acknowledge them at all. "shoe-horned" is an odd term to use here imo, as both scenes more-or-less center a jewish character (BoB's liebgott and MotA's rosie). the former show has survivors the characters can help, the latter shows no one left to help. the former has all of easy company there, the latter has rosie there all alone. rosie's scene felt deeply personal in that way. at the end of the day, both scenes are communicating different things. that doesn't make one better than the other when they aren't trying to be identical. (disclaimer, i'm not jewish, so i'd be interesting hearing from the perspective of someone who wrt whether or not they felt it was "shoe-horned")
i can understand if you've disliked the show post-episode 6 (and episode 6 was a very strong episode i'm ngl). eps 7 and 8 were weaker in many ways, even to me, so i get it. everyone's entitled to their own opinion (i'd be a hypocrite saying otherwise). just understand that this blog is run by someone who overall enjoys this show despite its flaws! basically, i encourage you to take this energy and make your own posts.
#masters of the air#hbo war#e9#asks#long post#masters of the air spoilers#mota spoilers#all the hbo war finales are different. i don't think MotA's is as strong but like#my fav hbo war show is still BoB and even Then i don't think it has a better finale than TP. and i dislike a lot of TP! like A Lot!#and Even Then we don't get a good idea about what happens to a lot of the minor-er characters in TP once they leave#anyone who isn't sledge or leckie (rip basilone) is hand-waved-'they went home'-away#not every show needs a sandlot ending w/ a voiceover going:#'[NAME] got really into the [INSERT DECADE] and no one ever saw him again' like they did to webster (rip webster)#and again! i'm mixed about the redtails. but i can Very Clearly See this show getting released without including them#which wouldve left many people (justifiably!) upset that they weren't shown when they were Literally there in the same pow camp#i'll give the hbo war team a lot of shit about a lot of things (despite the enduringly positive energy i try to keep up here)#but i Have to give MotA props for Trying. i don't see faux inclusion i just see it as not quite hitting the mark but an attempt was made#and i think that's worth Something given neither BoB or TP bothered trying#(like i think there was a missed opportunity in TP not mentioning what's happening to japanese americans on the home front)#this got away from me (i'm also opinionated) but while i can agree with you about how the show feels rushed#i do take issue with the idea that they were pretending to be inclusive. i'll blame money time and covid19 before i blame bad intention#maybe that's controversial here but it Is my blog. so.
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spaghett-onaplate · 9 months ago
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sixth day at my new school and i didn't sit alone at lunch today 🥳🥳
#woohoo!!#some girls invited me to sit with them so i did and chatted to them and this other guy#some of them are in my classes!! they were all very nice#honestly i was aiming to just try and fit in with the cishet boys and last week when i heard the rumour i was gay i was kinda freaked out#but i've scoped out the situation and it's not unsafe to be out (as bi. not anyone's business i'm trans)#so i realise it's better to just be open and have better chances of finding the right people than living in fear and squashing myself to--#--fit in with the wrong people. bc if i can't be fully myself around someone then why would i want to be good friends with them??#so yar i'll stick with other queer guys and supportive girls. gay guy/straight girl friendships are stereotypical but it's an ecosystem tha#works in a situation like high school tbh#ooo and i guess he was away today but the guy from a couple of my classes who i think is cute is in that group so added bonus#o and actually unrelated but at recess i went to this queer group thing i was invited to by a teacher last week#(recess is first and lunch is sceond)#i wasn't sure if i was going to go (mostly bc of my 'blend in' mindset) but i'm glad i did!! it was pretty nice#mostly just nice to get an idea of 'safe' people and teachers yaknow#'people and teachers' -- those aren't two mutually exclusive categories of being ajdsgjf but ykwim#and if i didn't go then i probably wouldn't have been in the better mindset for being just myself with everyone at lunch#so wahoo yippee :D#now i just needa keep talking to everyone and putting myself out there a bit more and i'll find the right people :)
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invisiblemelonmoose · 10 months ago
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Thinking about how I rarely get the yuri I want in non-yuri specific media that has canon queer characters or a least a sizable yuri fanbase
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seaofreverie · 1 month ago
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar · 2 months ago
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i have only been listening to russ's last 3 albums for like a week or two now and i can't stop
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sealeneee · 3 months ago
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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edennill · 3 months ago
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Been listening to Finrod's Duel with Sauron in the Finrod rock opera and I can't help but just be amused at how inconsistent Sauron is being.
"Yeah, well, you're not guiltless before the Creator either."
"Who is more guilty? We, or the one who knowingly taught us pride?"
"Oh, that was for your own good."
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