#just in case-if i vent on this account please ignore it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

0nlythrowharrybeaux · 2 years ago

Text

Wonderful World - Part 10^

Hello friends! Here's the next part where you guys get introduced to Diana's family! Also, Harry is starting to realize things....

Warnings: mentions of bullying due to homophobia, mentiones of injuries and blood, racism (mild, there's not any slurs or anything like that), verbal abuse (parent to child), family fighting

WC: 13.6K

Celeste was nervous. She knew she needed to talk to Geri about what happened and so she caught her right before they had jazz combo practice.

“Geri, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked and Geri looked surprised that Celeste wasn’t ignoring her like she had all week long.

“Yeah.” She said and put her trumpet case down on her seat before following her out into the breezy corridor of in front of the band room. Celeste was twisting her fingers nervously as she formulated the words to express how she was feeling and finally she just decided to say them how they kept wanting to come out.

“I’m mad at you.” She said with a slight frown and Geri nodded.

“I figured. I just don’t know why.” She said softly and Celeste sighed.

“Because you lied to me!” She said with exasperation, “Megan wrote me this letter where she talks about why she was bullying me and…she thought we liked each other and she was taking out the fact that you rejected her on me!” She explained with frustration and Geri’s face fell.

“Oh.”

“That never even crossed your mind?!” Celeste asked and Geri shook her head.

“No…she was so regretful and upset for even trying to kiss me. It was like the 3rd week of school! I thought maybe she had tried the same thing with you and you just…didn’t want to talk about it.” She shrugged and Celeste frowned.

“Well if you did want to talk about it you could’ve told me! We could’ve dealt with all of this much sooner before it got really bad and that’s why I’m mad at you! I feel like you’ve been protecting your own ass and letting me take the fall for all this dumb stuff when I’ve had nothing to do with it from the start!” She vented and Geri was pouting now.

“I’m so sorry, Celeste. I swear I didn’t mean to do that and…I was just scared to tell someone what happened, she said she’d hurt me if I did.” Geri explained, “I would never let anyone hurt you on my account, I swear. I just didn’t put that together. And I…should’ve said something to you about what happened with Megan, I just…I was embarrassed for being scared of her. I’m sorry I let you down and I will do anything I can to help make up for it!” She pleaded nervously and Celeste sighed.

“Fine. I forgive you.” She mumbled and Geri cheered happily as she hugged her tight. Celeste was stubborn and was fighting off her urge to smile that at least this was fixed, but she soon gave in as Geri poked at her dimples a few times until she caved. Her uncle was going to pick her up from school today, so she was very pleased about that and well, now she had made up with Geri, so things were hopefully just about to get a lot better.

When practice was over she rushed to pack and hurried out to the parking lot and just ran through it when she saw her uncle standing outside with her mom, he was jumping up and down and waving her down like crazy.

“Hi uncle Damian!” She cheered as she ran into his arms and he groaned as he caught her and stumbled a bit.

“God, you’re getting too tall.” He said as he spun her around quickly before setting her down, “Look at you, gorgeous! Unlike your mom, she’s the ugly sibling.” He mumbled and Diana scoffed as she playfully punched his arm as he and Celeste laughed at her expense. As soon as they settled in they drove off to get some dinner at this pizza place that Celeste really liked. She liked when her uncle came over because it just made her and her mom really happy. She liked that it felt like no time had passed when they were together. The jokes, harmless teasing, and conversations were all effortless. She wanted Dr. Styles to meet her uncle, she’s sure they would get along well. They both liked music and they were both kinda funny.

“So what’ve you got planned for tomorrow?” Damian asked Diana as they all headed back home.

“Ummm…Disneyland?” She said with a smile and Celeste squealed excitedly.

“Yes! I’ve been begging to go for months!” She said dramatically and they both chuckled at her reaction.

“I got a package deal through the university and bought 6 tickets for the price of 4! So Grace is coming too with Henry and well, I was going to invite Geri and Ozzy, not sure if you’re still upset with Geri.” She said and Celeste shook her head as she made eye contact with Diana through the rearview mirror.

“No, we made up today. Let me ask them if they’re free! What time are we leaving?”

“We can leave the house around 10?”

“Perfect.” Celeste said and immediately texted Geri and Ozzy.

“Who is Henry?” Damian asked and Diana turned to him briefly.

“Oh! Grace’s boyfriend!”

“Grace got a boyfriend?!” He asked with a smile and she nodded with pride.

“She did…” she smiled.

“Bummer.” He mumbled quietly with a grin and Diana rolled her eyes. She knew that Damian and Grace had hooked up before, they had told her straight away after the first time it happened. It had been a drunken thing, but they were both not looking for anything serious and so he looked forward to that when he visited her and Celeste. They got along really, really well and never made it weird so Diana didn’t care, “I’m happy for her though, she deserves someone good.” He said and Diana nodded.

“Yeah, he’s really great. He’s actually Celeste’s therapist’s best friend.” She shared and Celeste gasped.

“Really?!” She asked in surprise and Diana nodded and hummed in confirmation.

“It’s a small world.” She said and Celeste nodded.

“What if we invited Dr. Styles too so he can be with all his friends and meet uncle Damian?” She said and Diana chuckled.

“Remember what we said about therapists and being friends with their patients? I think this might be a little too blurred of a situation.” She explained and Celeste huffed. She really wanted Harry around as much as possible, which in a way was great news for Diana, but she wanted him around for her own personal reasons, not because she would be OK with him being around for the both of them.

“Well that sucks…”

“I mean, he can decide what’s too much for him, but I just think he wouldn’t really go for that. Sorry, mamita.” She explained.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Celeste huffed and then proceeded to text with Geri and Ozzy who had confirmed they would go. As soon as they got home Celeste hurried up to her room to get showered and plan a Disneybounding outfit with Geri and Ozzy over FaceTime.

Diana helped Damian get his things up to the guest bedroom and soon they were sitting in the backyard with wine glasses in hand as they looked up at the sparse stars in the sky.

“Has mom called you?” Diana asked and Damian hummed in confirmation.

“She’ll be here on Sunday night.” He said and Diana nodded in understanding, “And don’t worry, I got her a hotel.” He said and she smiled.

“Thanks.” She said and he nodded.

“So this therapist Celeste keeps talking to me about?”

“He’s great, it’s been going really well. He’s helped her out a lot to get through everything she’s been dealing with. I wasn’t too sure about the dynamic between her and a male therapist but I think she’s just been needing more of that masculine vibe in her life, you know? She looks up to him a lot and really listens to him, it’s been going really well.” She said he smiled and nodded.

“Good. Will I get to meet him?”

“Yeah, if you want. She has a session on Monday and well, he’ll also be at the board meeting on Wednesday, she asked him to come for moral support.” She explained and Damian nodded.

“Good. Just need to make sure he’s not a creep, you know?” He said lowly and Diana scoffed.

“Don’t even say that, that’s awful.” She said shaking her head and he shrugged.

“You never know, sis! I just want to look out for Celeste.” He said and she nodded in understanding. “And what about you? Any masculine energy in your life?” He asked and she scoffed.

“Nice transition.”

“I try.” He shrugged smugly, “Well?” He asked and she sighed.

“Not really…” she fibbed as she went for another sip of her wine.

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying. I’m not really seeing anyone right now.”

“Not really?” He asked and she shook her head.

“Like not at all.” She then said more firmly and he smirked.

“Keep your secrets…” he sighed.

“Well what about you? What happened to Angelica after that fight?”

“She…she was too much, you know?”

“It’s OK to marry someone if you really like them, you know?”

“And end up like mom and dad? No thanks.” He said and she sighed. Maybe Damian just didn’t know what real, passionate love felt like. Like she had with Wesley; her parents were even cold towards each other, it was just how they grew up and so they repeated that pattern with them as well.

“You loved her though.”

“She almost ruined my life.”

“Because she wanted to settle down?”

“Because she wanted to slow me down.” He said and she shook her head.

“Bro, you can’t be on your own forever.”

“You’re one to talk.” He smirked and she sighed.

“That’s…different.” She said quietly and he frowned a bit when he realized he had breeched a sensitive topic.

“I know, sorry. Are you alright?”

“Yeah…it’s just been hard. Like Wes would be so much help during this whole thing. It’s been hard doing it all alone.”

“I can imagine. Have you been missing him a lot?”

“Sometimes. It’s not like before, where I’m still heartbroken about it, but I can’t help but feel sad that he’s missed all of this, you know?” She said and he nodded.

“Celeste looks just like him, that smile of hers.” He said and Diana nodded with a smile.

“Yeah, I told her the same thing. Showed her the year book from senior year, started talking about it a little more with her. I know she has questions, so I’ve been trying to answer them.”

“That’s good, sis.” He said and she nodded. Damian as just about to ask about Grace and her boyfriend when Diana’s phone lit up with her name.

“Hey Gracie!” She said happily, “We’re planning on leaving from my house at 10-ish?” She said, “Wait, let me put you on speaker, m’here with Damian.” She said and then put the line on speaker.

“Damian, hi!” She cheered happily through the line.

“Hi! I hear you’re taken now.” He said immediately and she giggled.

“I am. I know that sucks for you, but it’s going really well.”

“Good, I’m so happy for you.” He assured.

“Thank you.” She said and they could practically hear the smile on her face as she spoke, “Well Di, I was calling because I may have accidentally invited Harry to Disneyland.” She said and Diana’s eyes went wide.

“Wait, I thought he was already supposed to be coming with us?”

“No! Henry is her boyfriend, Harry is the Therapist, Celeste’s therapist. Her man’s best friend.” Diana clarified.

“That’s…confusing.” Damian said and Diana rolled her eyes.

“He hasn’t said yes or anything, but he was saying that he’s never been when we mentioned our weekend plans and so Henry said that he could go off with him on his own, you know if it’s too weird for him to be with all of us?” She said with a hint of something in her voice that Damian could not decipher.

“I mean…yeah, they could…go off together.”

“Would it really be that awful if he joined the group?” Grace asked, again with that tone and Diana looked a little bit too concerned about this. There was something else going on here.

“Grace, I hate you sometimes.”

“C’mon, the guy has never been and did seem excited when I invited him. I’ll feel so bad disinviting him!”

“Well that your own fault! We need to respect the professional boundaries.”

“Oh, OK…” Grace said sarcastically and Diana sighed.

“What’s the big deal? Celeste wanted to invite him and you said that it was up to him to decide his boundaries or something like that.” Damian chimed in.

“Exactly! Harry can decide for himself what’s pushing the envelope too far! This could be really great! For all of us.” She added in suggestively and Diana shook her head. Of course she wanted Harry to go, but this would be really hard for her and the purpose of this day was to destress and make memories with her brother and Celeste, not to be paranoid over Celeste possibly seeing her subconsciously flirting with Harry and him flirting back, “If you don’t say yes I’ll start naming reasons for why you should.” She said and Diana could not risk that, so she groaned.

“Fine. Fine!” She said and Grace and Damian cheered.

“Amazing! We’ll see you tomorrow at 10!” Grace exclaimed, “Good night! Love you both, and yes, Damian, I already told Henry about our drunken flings.” She said and he scoffed.

“They weren’t all drunken!”

“They were for me! See you guys tomorrow!” She laughed before hanging up and Damian rolled his eyes.

“She always assured me she wasn’t drunk apart from that first time.” He informed Diana and she giggled.

“Grace says a lot of things…”

“Yeah, I’m learning that.” He chuckled sarcastically and she grinned, “You seem too apprehensive about this therapist guy. It’s making me concerned.”

“It’s nothing bad!” She said quickly, “it’s just that…he’s hot, OK?” She confessed and Damain smirked.

“Oh, so you have the hots for him.”

“No. He just…makes me blush sometimes and I don’t want Celeste to get the wrong idea just because I get nervous around cute guys. She doesn’t even like the idea of me being friends with him so I’ve just been trying to keep a very cool distance as to not make anything look remotely personal.”

“I mean yeah, it would be weird if you were flirting with her therapist.”

“Yeah, right!?” She asked for confirmation and he nodded.

“Well, at least it’d be weird for me if I was in her shoes.” He said and she nodded.

“It’d be weird for me too.” She agreed, “Does ummmm, does mom know about everything that’s been going on here?”

“Yeah, told her a few months back, after the girl hurt her in school. She acted like she didn’t really care, but-”

“She didn’t act, she just doesn’t care.” Diana said and Damian sighed, “I just hate how she just makes me feel like my life is a mistake, you know? Like I get that things are remotely different than I ever planned for them to be, but that doesn’t mean my life is bad or that I made bad choices, you know?”

“I know, Di. But you know how she is and-”

“It’s not an excuse! Why does she even bother coming if all she’s gonna do is make things harder for me or make me feel inadequate about everything I do?”

“In her own way she loves you.”

“Yeah, because anything good I do makes her feel good about herself…”

“Just…pretend to agree with her.”

“Hell no!” She said and he chuckled, “She literally begged me to get an abortion and she hated Wesley, she never confirmed it, but I’m sure it’s because he was black.” She said and Damian sighed.

“Yeah…that’s…probably true. She’s kind of a bitch.” He said and she giggled.

“Yeah…she is.” Diana said quietly.

Most of the damage in her life had come from her relationship with her mother. She had always been so cold and strict with her about everything. She was heavily criticized and manipulated into a lot of harmful things. Her mom thought that tough love meant being an asshole and so she was quite cruel.

Diana remembers that towards the end of 8th grade she’d put on some weight. She was going through puberty, so she hungrier and growing, but she had always been on the thinner side up until then. She was busier at school so she wasn’t exercising except for half-ass-ing PE and when the time came for homecoming her freshman year she couldn’t really fit the dress she had bought during he post-prom sales in the late spring. She remembers that her mom called her fat and told her that she needed to stop eating so much. She was only given a protein shake for breakfast, and salads for lunch and dinner and her mom even got her a personal trainer to help her lean out again by Christmas. She stayed on this insane regimen for about a year, she started getting ill due to lack of carbohydrates in her diet; she had low energy and low blood sugar. When her doctor confronted her about taking laxatives and appetite suppressants she was shocked, but it turns out her mom had been sneaking them into her morning shakes. Even though her mom stopped forcing her to do this to herself it had become a habit, that’s why it as easy for her to forget meals when she was too busy, she had done that a lot throughout her life. A lot of her self-loathing practices and traits had origin stories like this one. It just felt like no matter what she did, her mom was never proud of her and that hurt. So naturally, she wanted nothing to do with her if she had the choice.

“It’ll be alright, I won’t let her be a dick to you, OK?” Damian said and she nodded.

“Thanks. Look, I should shower and go to bed.”

“Me too, that flight was long, there was a family behind me.” He said and Diana groaned, “I know…” he chuckled. Soon they were saying goodnight and heading into their respective rooms.

Diana locked her bedroom door because she needed to talk to Harry. Right as she stepped into her bathroom to get her make up off he called her and she answered him and put him on speaker as she grabbed her makeup removing balm.

“Hey.” He said nervously, she could hear his tone through the line.

“Hey.”

“I hope you’re not mad, but Grace didn’t tell me this was a thing with your family and-”

“It’s alright, Harry. Celeste was talking about how fun it’d be if you could come along too before we even knew about Grace inviting you, so I think it’s fine if you want to join us.” She said as she dipped her fingers into the jar and started to melt the balm in her hands.

“Yeah, Celeste is always enthusiastic about seeing me, but what about you?” He asked, “I won’t go if this is gonna be too strange for us.”

“I don’t want to be the person to deny your visit to the happiest place on earth! Don’t put this on me, Harry.” She said and he chuckled.

“I mean…obviously I want to go. I want to spend time with you and with our friends, and with Celeste and meet her friends that she’s always mentioning…I mean your brother too.” He said and she bit her lip, that did sound so nice, “I mean, it’s going to be shitty to some extent for obvious reasons, but umm…I don’t know. I guess I just don’t know.” He said and she bit her lip as she rubbed the balm into her face to dissolve her makeup, “What’re you doing?” He asked, changing the subject instead.

“Just getting my makeup off before I hop in the shower.” She explained. “What about you?”

“I am on Grace’s balcony pretending to talk to my mum.” He said and she giggled.

“Nice…wouldn’t it be like 3am her time?” She asked and he chuckled.

“Maybe she’s on business in Australia…” he said and she chortled which made him grin and that soon faded as a thought came to mind, “Maybe if…if Celeste sees the whole group’s dynamic with me in it she’ll…maybe be more open to us having more of a friendly relationship?” He posed his idea and she nodded.

“Maybe…it’s also probably a good time to tell you that I told Grace about us kissing.” She said quickly and he chuckled.

“So that’s why she was insistent on me going…” he said and Diana shook her head.

“Probably…sorry, I just…felt bad for lying to her and I just really wanted to tell someone that I was like…sneakily kissing this super hot and smart guy so…yeah.” She said with a small smile and he chuckled bashfully.

“Super hot, huh?”

“Don’t let it get to your head, Harry.” She grinned and he tutted.

“Too late, specially with that coming from you.” He said and she blushed as she worked on getting the mascara on her lashes dissolved.

“I would like to see you tomorrow. Grace was saying something about you and Henry splitting off, but ummm, I would just be wondering where you are all day and if you’re having fun so you should join us if you want.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She agreed with a small smile.

“Perfect, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah.” She smiled.

“Maybe if we time it right we can hold hands on a ride or something.” He said and she giggled.

“Yeah, all of 60 seconds?” She giggled.

“Yeah, that’s worth it for me…” He flirted and she went all red in the face.

“Stop…oh my god.” She muttered bashfully and Harry grinned.

“God, I’d do anything to see you all blush-y and smiley right now.” He said and she bit her lip to suppress her smile.

“Well too bad.” She said with a chuckle and he hummed.

“Yeah, too bad.” He sighed. He knew that her walls were still up, but at least she felt something for him and that was enough to make him happy, “Are you sure it’s alright that I join you guys tomorrow?” He asked again, just to make sure.

“Yeah, like I said, I’d like to see you.” She clarified and he smiled.

“OK, love.” He hummed, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“See ya, good night.”

“Good night.” He said before she hung up. Diana’s heart was pounding so hard she swore she was about to drop dead. She had so many feelings for him that were trapped inside and knowing that he’d be around just made her feel really giddy about everything.

**********

It was nearly 9am when Diana heard her doorbell ring, she didn’t mind as she had been up since before then, but she was in the middle of getting dressed. So she hurried to put on her pants and hurried down to the door.

“Hey!” Grace greeted happily and Henry and Harry were behind her offering her friendly smiles.

“Hey guys, come on in!” She said with cheer, “I was just about to make some breakfast, have you eaten?” She asked them.

“No, we were hoping you’d feed us.” Grace said honestly and she laughed.

“Of course, just pile into the kitchen.” Diana assured and Harry may have walked a bit slower behind Henry and Grace just so he could give Diana a nice, uninterrupted hug. But when she turned around after locking the door she just smiled at him.

“C’mon.” She insisted before breezing past him, he didn’t even get to catch her.

Diana got to preparing breakfast while Grace made some coffee and she hadn’t even said hello to him, let alone acknowledged him now that they were in a group. Quite honestly her ease in shrugging him off kind of hurt his feelings. She said that she wanted him there, but she was acting like he wasn’t even around. Henry noticed his silence and nudged his knee with his own.

“Hmmm?”

“What’re you upset about?” He mumbled quietly, the chatter between Grace and Diana was overpowering their own hushed conversation.

“I’m not.” He said and Henry looked at him skeptically, “What?” He asked with a slightly irritated chuckle.

“You’re acting weird. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” Henry said and Harry sighed.

“She’s completely ignoring me-”

“We’re in her house, you’re not even supposed to be here! Of course she’s ignoring you! What if Celeste comes down and sees something she’s not supposed to?” He asked and Harry bit the inside of his cheek for a moment to calm himself and let reason seep in.

“Right. Right…I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, just…don’t make it weird.” Henry said and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, alright.” He sighed and just shrugged off the irritation he was feeling.

“Here you are, babe.” Grace said as she set a mug of coffee down before Henry, “How do you take your coffee, Harry?” Grace asked, but before he could respond Diana was sliding him a mug of just black coffee with a soft smile and as their eyes met his entire bad mood completely melted away.

“Black, right?” Diana asked and he nodded at her, “We’ve seen each other at Cafe Flores a couple times.” She explained to Henry and Grace who nodded.

“Oh OK, I was thinking you two had graduated to sleep overs in the span of a week!” Grace joked quietly and she thought it fell flat until the other three started chuckling along a few seconds later.

“No more side comments for you, babe.” Henry said and she grinned mischievously, which did make Diana a bit concerned, but that soon faded when Damian came into the kitchen.

“Oh, full house!” He said with a bright smile and his eyes immediately landed on Harry since Diana was right beside him, “The therapist I presume.” He pointed with a smile and Diana wanted to be buried alive as her brother singled Harry out.

“Well, actually he’s a psychiatrist.” Diana said as she twirled back to the pan she had left unattended for a few seconds. Harry felt a bit nervous that she had suddenly left him alone, but his exterior wasn’t showing any of his panic. He was smiling as he extended his hand out to Damian.

“And you’re the brother/uncle, Damian right?” Harry said and Damian nodded as he shook his hand, “Nice to meet you, I’ve heard tons about you from Celeste.” Harry said and Damian smiled.

“All fun things I hope.” He said and Harry chuckled.

“Yeah, just about.” He assured.

“Well, thanks man for you working with her. I hear she’s doing a lot better.” Damian said more seriously and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, of course. It’s been my pleasure, she’s a great kid.”

“See sis, you’ve done good.” Damian said with a grin and Diana smiled briefly and then returned to cooking. Then he turned to Grace and Henry with a grin, “And you!” He smirked as he turned to Grace and she smiled, “A boyfriend!? Never thought I’d live to see the day!”

“I know, I know…” she said as they hugged briefly.

“You guys are lovely couple, by the way.” He said to Grace and then Henry who smiled. He had admittedly been feeling a bit nervous about meeting Damian based on the slight internet stalking he did of him after Grace told him about their past. He was grateful that as soon as she found out Damian was coming, she talked to him about their hookups because she didn’t want him to feel like she was hiding something from him. And well, if he had an issue with it, well Damian was Diana’s brother and he’d be around, so she just wanted to clear the air beforehand.

“Thank you, this is Henry. Henry, this is Damian.”

“Nice to meet you, man.” Henry said as they shook hands.

“You too!” He assured with a friendly smile and didn’t say anything more about Grace, which he was grateful for. Damian was polite and considerate, this situation was sufficiently awkward and tense on it’s own, the last thing they needed was another layer of awkwardness thrown over it all. The guys started chatting about some big football game that was gonna be happening the next week so she and Grace just kind of tuned them out.

“Does anyone not want cheese in their breakfast sandwich?” She asked loudly and when they all said it was fine she started to layer the sliced cheese over the egg patties she had made to get it all nice and melty. It was around 9:15 when Celeste wandered down, still in her pajamas because the commotion had woken her up.

“You’re all so loud!” She raised her voice as she came in with narrowed eyes as she was still adjusting to the brightness of the day.

“S’time to get up anyway, kid.” Damian said and when she glanced over to him she immediately focused on Harry who was beside him and she smiled bright and hurried over.

“Dr. Styles?!” She greeted him happily with surprise and went in for a hug and he chuckled as he opened his arms to let her in, “Whoa!” She said as she peered down to his exposed left arm to see him literally covered in tattoos. She’d seen the one on his hand and wrist, but she had no idea there were so many more of them, “You have so many!” She said with amazement, “Mom, I want a tattoo!” She announced and everyone laughed.

“Yeah, when you’re 18.” Diana scoffed.

“Seriously?” Celeste asked turning to her after letting Harry go and Diana shrugged.

“Yeah, why not? I like ‘em.” She said with a playful little smile quirking her lip up to the side. She hadn’t even been looking at Harry when she said that, but he knew it was a stealth compliment towards him by the grin on her lips.

“What’s your favorite one?” Celeste turned back to him.

“Oh god… I’ve no clue…I’ve just got so many of them!” Harry said as he looked over his arm, “I’ve got more…here.” He said motioning to his torso with his hand, “Probably one of the big ones there, like my butterfly, I really like that one.” He said to Celeste who nodded in wonder and amazement.

“Did it hurt?” She asked.

“Did it ever, petal!” He said to her with a slight chuckle and she smiled.

He had called her that before, ‘petal’. She liked that he had a nickname for her, it made her feel like he cared more about her than just a regular patient. Celeste trusted him a lot, she felt safe around him, and she felt comfortable with him. She liked that he kept it real with her, but also understood her, even the bad stuff. It made her happy to see him there with her uncle, Grace, and her mom. She hadn’t gotten to know Henry all that well yet, though she had met him and Grace had talked about him to her before, but having them all here together, it felt like they were also part of her family. And that made her extremely happy.

“How bad?”

“Like 10 out of 10 pain.” He said with a slight frown and she looked a bit nervous now.

“Did you cry?”

“Almost.” He said and she shook her head.

“Maybe I change my mind…” she said and everyone chuckled, “Do they all hurt that bad?”

“No, it just depends where you get it.” He assured and she liked to hear that.

“Oh OK, thank god.” She said and they all laughed again.

“Sweetheart, the food’s almost ready so hurry up and get changed, yeah?”

“Yes! I’ll be back.” She said and rushed off again.

“So Dr. Styles, any secret boyfriends she’s hiding from me that need vetting?” Damian asked and Harry chuckled.

“If I told you it wouldn’t be a secret would it?” He responded and Damian sighed.

“Touché…well, it was worth a shot.” he said with a chuckle and Harry shrugged as well before shaking his head “no” in response to Damian’s initial question and that made him smile.

He decided that Harry was cool, he liked him, and yeah, Diana was on to something in thinking he was attractive. But it wasn’t just a physical thing, it was just his energy. It was intense, but not intimidating or overpowering. He certainly wasn’t interacting with Celeste in a creepy way and well, Diana trusted him with Celeste, which spoke volumes. And well, more importantly, Celeste trusted him too. He wondered if she had maybe started to view him as a paternal figure as well, from what Diana had told him Celeste had invited him to the meeting and her spring concert and well, she also wanted him to come to Disneyland with them, so that could only tell him that she wanted him around more.

“Alright everyone go…use the facilities or whatever before we leave!” Diana announced after everyone had eaten. Celeste was the first one to rush upstairs to brush her teeth and gather up her things.

“Babe, do you still have spare toothbrushes-”

“Yep, in the little thing under the sink.” She confirmed to Grace with a smile.

“C’mon boys, you don’t want to have egg breath!” She announced and Henry and Harry quickly trailed after her to the downstairs bathroom as Diana giggled.

“I like him.” Damian said once they were gone and Diana hummed.

“Yeah, he’s pretty great.” She said and he grinned.

“I can see why you have a crush on him.”

“I don’t have a- I just said he’s hot.” She corrected her brother and he grinned.

“Why are you blushing?”

“Just go upstairs and shower! And brush your teeth, you don’t want egg breath either!” She said shoving him lightly and he grinned smugly before heading up stairs as well. She hadn’t eaten because she was nervous about Harry being here, but she probably should try to because it was going well. She started to make herself a sandwich with the leftover stuff. She heard Celeste bounding down the stairs quickly and was about to shout at her to slow down, she could fall and hurt herself!

“Hey, slow down wouldn’t want you falling and cracking your head open!” Diana heard Harry say to Celeste and she smiled.

“Sorry, Geri and Ozzy are here!” She explained.

“Yeah, to come to Disneyland with us, not the ER.” He said pointedly and she laughed and Diana also sniggered as she finished assembling her sandwich. She set it aside and then started to rinse off the things she had used to get them in the dishwasher.

“Hey.” She heard Harry’s voice and glanced to him at the entrance of the kitchen.

“Hey.” She smiled at him as leaned over to open up the dishwasher.

“You’re not gonna eat?” He asked as he came over to the island.

“I will, mine is just there.” She cocked her head to the stove where he saw a plate with her sandwich.

“Here, let me do this and you eat.” He said and she shook her head.

“S’alright it’ll only take a few minutes.” She assured him and he smiled at her obstinance.

“Just let me help you, yeah?” He asked again and she exhaled and nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.” She said and he smiled as she stepped aside and he started rinsing things while she sat at the island, in the same seat he had been in previously he noticed, and she started eating. Grace peeked her head in and said she and Henry were gonna go buy some sports drinks really quick.

“Can you take the kids and pick out some snacks for them? I’ll pay you back.” She said to Grace and she nodded.

“Course, c’mon, babe.” She said to Henry and they left quickly.

“Where does this go?” Harry asked of the spices she had out on the counter for the eggs. She pointed to the cabinet beside the stove and he started putting things away for her, “And the bread?” He asked and she was mid chew so she pointed to the fridge and then Harry did a double-take, “Wait, what?!” He asked and she finished chewing.

“What?”

“You put it in the fridge?” He asked in disbelief and she shrugged.

“Ummm yes, is that…wrong?” She asked and he looked at her like she was crazy.

“Is that wrong? Of course it’s wrong!” He said emphatically as he laughed and looked at her with disbelief.

“I just want it to last longer!”

“Well then you’re doing the completely incorrect thing.” He said, “The molecular structure of bread-”

“Explain it to me like I’m 5.” She interrupted and he chuckled.

“It’ll go stale in the fridge. And refrigerators have moisture, so no, it won’t make it last longer. You need to store it in your pantry or somewhere cool and dry, preferably dark.” He said and she looked at him skeptically.

“Ehh…I don’t know, Harry.” She said as she stood from her seat.

“I’m the baker here. If anyone would know about this it’s me.” He said and she wanted to suppress her laugh.

“OK, baker boy…we’ll do an experiment.”

“Fine.” He said and she giggled, “But next loaf because this one’s already been damaged. No wonder there was something off about the sandwich.” He said with a smug grin and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please!” She laughed and he laughed softly as she started to rinse her plate. She then put it in the dishwasher as well and put in the soap before switching it on. She turned around and sighed in relief at this all getting done and she saw Harry smiling at her as he leaned on the counter across from her. “What?” She asked as she broke eye contact.

“You look cute.” He said and she felt her cheeks heating up at him compliment. She wasn’t even wearing anything nice, just casual clothes really, but just something about seeing her in casual clothes made him excited because…well maybe it felt like he now had access to other parts of her life and he was happy about that.

“S’just jeans and a t-shirt.” She giggled and he shrugged.

“So?” He challenged as he came closer and she started feeling all hot and tingly with the butterflies in her stomach fluttering in a frenzied manner, “Is this OK?” He asked as his hands landed on her waist and she glanced down at them, so big and veiny, clearly his hands were strong. She swallowed thickly to dissipate any smutty thoughts that were starting to form in her mind and then she nodded to assure him that he could hold her. Celeste was gone, Damian was showering and this meant that they had at least a few minutes of solitude. When she finally glanced up and made eye contact with him Harry just about melted. The sun coming in from the window over the sink was making her eyes shine beautifully. The green of her eyes was deeper and richer, where his was a lighter color. He loved that he could see the pattern of her iris in this lighting and it looked like rays of sunshine, her eyes were so beautiful. She looked so tense, but she just wasn’t used to this level of scrutiny, even if it was good. “What is it?” He asked and she huffed out a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

“Ummm…I’m just not used to being…looked at like this.” She said softly. That made him sad for her, if she was his girl she’d be admired every single day without fail. He’d never let her forget how incredibly special and gorgeous she was.

“Well that’s just criminal.” He said as he started to lean in and she giggled at his flirtations. Her breath hitched in her throat as his nose skimmed down along hers, nudging her face upwards so that their lips could meet.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth after eating.” She said softly.

“Does it look like I’m concerned?” He asked with a grin and she smiled and then giggled as he rubbed her nose with his, kind of like kunik (eskimo kiss).

“Not really.” She whispered as she started to tiptoe to reach his lips better, but then they heard Damian coming down the stairs and they jumped apart quickly.

“I hope I didn’t hold us up!” He said aloud as he came into the kitchen where Harry was now leaned against the opposite counter as Diana and on his phone while Diana was just standing there awkwardly. Maybe it didn’t look like it, but he knew he had interrupted something by the intense tension he felt as he came into the kitchen.

“Ummm, no. Henry and Grace took the kids to the gas station to get snacks. I’m uh, just gonna go brush my teeth real quick.” Diana said and rushed out of the kitchen.

“She’s weird.” Damian said as he went for the fridge and Harry just chuckled as he focused back on his phone. Damian then opened the fridge and turned to Harry. “Why the hell is the bread in the fridge?” He asked with confusion.

“Like you said, she’s weird.” Harry shrugged and Damian cackled.

“I really like you man.” He said as he caught his breath from the laughter.

**********

Their Disney day was going great! Despite it being a weekend the park was not as full since it wasn’t tourist or vacation season just yet. Harry was having a blast, it was also Ozzy’s first time at Disneyland so he was also having a blast. Yes, they weren’t children but there was something about being there that just made a person reacquaint themselves with their inner child. Apart from the fun he was having he was really enjoying seeing Diana in mom mode, it was kind of lighting a fire inside of him that he didn’t even think could be lit. He liked seeing how caring and protective she was, but she also trusted Celeste to have her freedom. There were instances where she would turn around to talk to her friends and he found himself wanting to call out to her to ensure she didn’t trip or crash into anyone, but right before he could she would do it.

It was making him question his life choices. Like he had always known he didn’t want children because of his experience growing up, not because he didn’t like kids. And well, his parents were loving and supportive people but they were distant for a lot of his formative years because of their investment in their business. He shared that same passion for his career and he just felt that he couldn’t have both without neglecting one or the other in some way. But seeing Diana do it, it made him feel like he could too, especially with the right partner. She seemed to be very balanced in that aspect, the only area of her life that was neglected was her personal life and well, with someone to share the load and responsibilities with maybe it would be easier for her to have more time for herself. Maybe he was crazy to be thinking this way about someone he wasn’t even dating but he couldn’t help it.

“Where to next?” Henry asked as they made it out from the Jungle Cruise ride.

“We want to go on the Matterhorn again!” Celeste said and Geri and Ozzy nodded in agreement beside her.

“Again? You guys went on 3 times! That line is too long!” Grace huffed and Diana giggled.

“There’s other fun rides here, we haven’t even gone on Indiana Jones and-”

“Mom, we want the Matterhorn!” Celeste insisted with a pout and then she glanced to her uncle. Damian didn’t spend enough time with Celeste to be able to resist her puppy-dog eyes.

“Ughh, fine. I’ll take them.” Damian said and the three of them cheered before they started rushing off, “I’ll call you guys when they’ve had enough!” Damian called as he hurried after them and Diana shook her head.

“Well I for one am already tired and I want some dole whip.” Grace announced.

“But Indiana Jones!” Diana said and Grace grinned.

“Take Harry with you!”

“Babe, I also want-”

“To buy me some dole whip? Great, let’s go!” She cut Henry off and dragged him away and he glanced back at Diana and Harry apologetically. Harry sniggered and shook his head.

“I wonder how long she’s been planning that one.” Harry wondered aloud and Diana turned to him.

“Probably from the moment she invited you to join us.” She said with a grin and he chuckled again. “Doesn’t that like…make you feel like a kid? Like when you’re too shy to make a move and so your friends kinda throw you into an impossible situation?” She said and he laughed.

“Yeah, that’s so embarrassing…” He sniggered and she smiled, “Fortunately for us I’m not a shy 13 year old any more.” He said and she bit her lip to suppress her smile as he slipped his hand over hers and interlaced their fingers, “I know what I want.” He said to her, his eyes laser focused on her own, there was confidence and determination in his gaze and it made her feel like she was melting from the inside out. Their intense eye contact was rising the temperature and tension between them. It was more than attraction that was sparking up between them, it was lust. A primal need to just take what they wanted from each other. She wanted him to say it.

“Yeah? What’s that?” She asked with a coy smile. Harry’s other hand came up to hold her chin between his fingers as he leaned down closer and closer to her until he was hovering just above her lips.

“Want to go on this Indiana Jones ride you’ve been going on and on about all day.” He said and she smirked at his teasing and rolled her lips together to not whine about it, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Follow me, then.” She said and he grinned as they started walking off hand in hand. It felt nice and natural to be together like this. They chatted about some of their likes and dislikes, just somethings to get to know each other a little more as they passed the time in line. They played a thumb-war, which Harry easily won each and every time and Diana was annoyed. “I mean, of course you’re gonna win! Look at your giant hands compared to mine!” She huffed in slight annoyance and he was smirking.

“Don’t be a sore loser.”

“I’m not.” She huffed and he sniggered as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. He didn’t really think about it when he did it, but it completely caught her off guard, “Shit, sorry.” He said and she shook her head.

“S’alright.” She assured bashfully.

“Thank you for letting me come with you guys today. I’m having fun.” He said and she smiled.

“Good. I’m actually really happy that you’re here. Like…I know that maybe you might think that I’m like whatever about it because I’ve been a little bit..hesitant to like…” she stopped and looked at him nervously, “Like…fully embrace my feelings f-for you, but I really do enjoy the times that we get to be alone together.” She said and he was biting down on his lip to not smile wide like a dork.

“I’m happy to hear you say that.” He let out before he smiled and she giggled. He made her feel so giddy that she had no idea what to do with the feelings.

“Yeah. Like, I truly enjoy getting to know you.” She said and he squeezed her hand in reassurance, he understood how nerve-racking it was to admit your feelings to someone.

“I enjoy getting to know you too. And like…we don’t need to be conventional about things, you know? Like I understand that we’re in a bit of a complicated situation so we can just continue getting to know each other however we can. I’m not in a rush.” He said and she smiled.

“I still feel guilty about Celeste like…I don’t want to lie to her after we promised that we wouldn’t keep things from each other-”

“Love, I’m just gonna give you a quick reality check if you’ll let me.” He said and she nodded, “She’s a teenager, she’s gonna keep things from you no matter how many promises you make to each other.” He chuckled and she sighed.

“That doesn’t mean I should do the same thing though. I should lead by example as her parent, no? Modeling! Social Learning Theory.” She said, using his own profession against him and he smirked.

“Hmmm…good one.” He said admitting the hole in his argument and she giggled as he just pulled her into his side.

“Can I tell you something?” She said and he hummed, “I really…” she stopped as she felt her nerves just rising to impossible levels, but he deserved to hear this, “I really like how you take things. Like you’re so open and accepting of when you did something wrong or I don’t know, there’s just been a few occasions in which I’ve had the opportunity to see you just take accountability for your errors and that’s such a hard thing to do. Like no one wants to admit when they’re in the wrong, like…as you’ve experienced yourself, it’s very challenging for me.” She said bashfully, “I wish I could be more like that.” She said and he smiled.

“Love you so are! I mean, it might take you a little bit to come around, but you always do! And well, I’ve never lost my temper when we’ve argue and I’m right because I trust that you will come around and that you’ll come talk to me about it when you do. And you’re right, that’s so hard to do but what I tell myself is you can either get all defensive and choose to tend to your wounded pride or you can be vulnerable about your mistakes and attempt to build trust with someone. I’ve been selfish for a lot of my life,” he sniggered and she hummed, “but I don’t want to be anymore.”

“Well you’ve been anything but selfish when it’s come to Celeste and me so thank you.” She said and he smirked.

“Well, I’ve been a little bit selfish.” He said quietly and she smiled.

“Not really, that’s been like…mutually beneficial.” She reasoned and he chuckled as he hugged her close and kissed the top of her head.

“Excuse me?” They heard from behind them and they both turned around with big smiles from their conversation to see what the person behind them needed, “I’m so freaking sorry because we haven’t meant to be eavesdropping or anything! But like you guys are so cute and such couple goals!” She said and the two others with them nodded along in agreement. Diana could feel her face flushing and well Harry was just so happy to receive some validation as to what they were doing.

“Thank you, but we’re actually not a couple. Just friends I think?” He said glancing down to her and she nodded and the girls before them looked surprised.

“It’s quite complicated.” She explained and the girls nodded.

“But we’ll figure it out though.” Harry said and she nodded up at him with a smile.

“He does have an upper hand, he’s a psychiatrist so he’s got a field advantage to mental stability.” She joked which made them all laugh.

“You know plenty too…”

“S’not my job though, is it?” She asked and he hummed as he smiled down at her. Diana, being the sweetheart she is started chatting to these girls about their days and just about themselves. She was attentive and sweet despite her focus being in the other conversation she was having. He supposed it was a skill she perfected by being a mother, it would make sense for her to become an expert multitasker. Maybe she wasn’t talking to him at this moment, but she was still communicating with him non-verbally and he was listening.

He was aware of the way she was leaning into his body while one of his arms was around her hips. He was aware of her hand on his back, how she’d alternate her touches between soothing rubs or satisfying little scratches over his t-shirt. He was aware of her gaze flickering up to his every now and again to ensure him that she was still there with him. And as she spared him a glance with that big beautiful smile lighting up her face he accepted that he wanted nothing more in the world than a chance to make her even more happy than she already was. He was falling in love with her so fast and so hard there was no stopping it now.

**********

“How was it?” Henry asked as he saw Harry and Diana approaching.

“That was fucking sick!” Harry said as he came over and pulled out Diana’s chair and then the one beside it for himself.

“Yeah, it’s the best ride…apart from Pirates of the Caribbean…” Henry said.

“You’re just sitting…” Grace said.

“Is that really the best one?” Harry asked and Diana and Henry nodded.

“It is! I totally agree with Henry. Too bad it’s closed today.” She pouted and Henry glanced to her and then Harry.

“Well…that just means we’ll have to come back so Harry can experience it.” Henry said and Harry smiled, “No kids though. I love the kids but-”

“Yeah, if they make us stop to see Mickey and Minnie ears one. More. Time.” Grace said lowly and the rest of them laughed, “They’re all the fucking same!” She ranted quietly.

“You’re gonna be a wonderful mother.” Henry said to her and she smirked.

“Hell yeah I am! I’ll indulge my children, it’s kind of hard to indulge other people’s children.” She explained and they all hummed.

“That’s why Celeste likes her so much, she doesn’t beat around the bush with her.” Diana explained and Grace nodded, “Well, I’m gonna get some dole whip.” Diana said standing.

“Me too.” Harry said and then they headed off to the line. They were silent for a little bit before Harry cleared his throat, “Hey, so…I’ve been thinking…like on the walk from the ride to here…” he said and she grinned, “What if we like…slowly expose Celeste to like us…together? Kinda like today where we’re in this group setting, to like get her used to seeing me around casually.”

“That would ruin your therapeutic relationship though. She wouldn’t hold you in the same regard and that would mean no more therapy with you, you know?”

“Yeah, but…and don’t take this the wrong way, is that not what we want?” He asked and she frowned as his words processed.

“I can’t do that to her, Harry.” She said and he nodded.

“I know…and I mean, I can’t do that to her either…that’s so fucked up, sorry for even suggesting that.” He apologized.

“This is crazy isn’t it? We’re putting so much on the line for something that’s not even a thing! Like we don’t even know if this would even work or what we want out of this!” She said and he sighed, she was right. Well, he knew what he wanted but maybe despite their attraction and interest in each other she just wasn’t there yet. “Maybe we just cross that bridge if or when we get there.” She said and Harry nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, that’s probably the best thing.” They fell silent again for a bit and then brought up another topic, “So is your mom coming?” That question did make her feel somewhat tense.

“Yeah, she’ll be here tomorrow.” She responded and he hummed.

“And how are you feeling about that?” He asked her and she shook her head.

“Pass. Let’s just not ruin the day.” She said lowly.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know it was that touchy for you.”

“It’s alright you didn’t know.” She assured with a smile, so he knew she wasn’t upset at him for asking. He could feel some insecurities creeping in anyway, but before he could spiral too far he felt her nudge his arm with her elbow and he glanced to her, “None of that. It’s OK, I’m OK.” She assured him with a smile.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.” She said and he extended his pinky finger to her and she giggled, “I’ll do you one better.” She grinned and he smiled as she grabbed his face and tiptoed, she was smiling as she pecked his lips quickly. He was blushing like mad now and she felt like she was on top of the world for pulling that out, in public no less! When their eyes finally met, both of them all lit up with joy, she rolled her lips together before she spoke up, “Been dying to do that all day.” She confessed breathily and he grinned.

“Me too.” He hummed.

The rest of the day quite literally flew by after they’d had some time alone. They lined up for the fireworks early on with Grace while Henry and Damian took them to Galaxy’s Edge one more time before they would head out. And when the fireworks started Harry glanced to Diana briefly. She could feel his eyes on her and she couldn’t help but look back for a moment. Harry wanted to hold her so bad. She was slightly cold, he could tell, and he just wanted her to bask in his own warmth, he was dying to make the move but he knew better than to push his luck here. This is why the very last thing he expected was to feel her pinky grazing against his own along the barricade before them. His heart started thumping so hard he swore it was in his throat and every nerve ending in his body was at her mercy as she very slowly just let her hand rest against his. They didn’t do any more than that, they just touched, but it was electrifying and perfect. And when they were saying their goodbyes he swore he wouldn’t be able to hold back from kissing her, but thankfully Damian was distracting Celeste and her friends for a moment which allowed Harry to hug Diana tight.

“Run to the park tomorrow. Please?” He asked and she nodded quickly before they each got into their separate cars. She had made moves today and he was so pleased that he didn’t stop smiling the whole way home.

*********

Monday was annoying so far, but it was mostly because her Sunday felt shitty. It was impossible for Diana to shake Damian off when it came time for her run, she didn’t know if he was suspicious about something or just genuinely wanted to exercise with her, so she begrudgingly sent Harry a text and let him know that she would not be showing up at the park today. As bummed as he was, he understood her wariness. Diana really could have used a little momentary escape with Harry though, because her mother arrived on Sunday afternoon. She didn’t want to be a brat, but the last thing she needed was to see her mother amidst all the other drama. She really could have used one of his pep talks or even just some advice to help her stay calm. Despite her relationship with her mom, Diana would never impede Celeste from talking to her if that’s what she chose. But the woman never showed an interest in her, so Celeste didn’t really show any interest either. She would have to face her mother eventually, but she just hoped that it would be after Wednesday.

Diana had been trying to grade final papers. She wanted to at least get through one of her classes before she had to leave in a bit to pick Celeste up from school, but this seemed impossible as her phone kept ringing in her purse. When her office phone rang she sighed and picked it up without checking the caller I.D.

“This is Professor Beltran.” She said as she continued reading the paper on her desk.

“Hi Ms. Beltran, it’s Ethan from-”

“Hey Ethan,” she greeted him, “is everything alright?”

“Ummm no. Celeste was in a fight and-”

“Wait. What?!” Diana shot up from her seat, “Is she alright? What did they do to her?”

“She just got pushed around but she did hit another student.” He explained and Diana was in complete shock.

“Oh my god… I’m on my way.”

“Thank you.” Ethan said and they hung up. Diana was quick to send an email to her students about ending her office hours early. It was barely 2 o’clock.

Diana called Damian to let him know what was going on and she made it to the school in record time and as she burst into the administrative office Ethan greeted her and informed her that Celeste was talking with the principal and she sighed.

“What happened?” Diana asked him.

“There was a fight happening and she tried to intervene by…throwing her biology book at someone.”

“Oh my god!”

“The girl she hit is fine! Just gave her a bloody nose, but it wasn’t bad bad.”

“Thank god…” Diana sighed in relief and Ethan nodded.

“Principal Whittaker is just trying to get her side of the story.”

“OK. Was it Megan that she hit?” Diana asked with concern.

“Actually no, Megan was the person she was trying to help.” He said and Diana looked confused. Before she could ask more questions both Megan and Celeste were coming out of the principal’s office.

“Ms. Beltran.” Principal Whittaker greeted her and Diana waved.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine, but Celeste has detention for the rest of the week.”

“Alright then.” Diana said shooting Celeste a look and she immediately turned her gaze away. “Are you both alright?” She asked Celeste and Megan. Celeste looked a little disheveled and had some scratches along her arms, but Megan did have a cut on her lip along some scratches on her arms, this made Diana feel so bad for her.

“I’m fine.” Celeste assured and the Diana turned to Megan.

“Me too.” Megan said softly and Diana just wanted to hug her. Just then Megan’s mother burst into the office and as soon as she saw Megan her eyes welled up and she pulled her in for a hug. She glanced to Diana and then Celeste.

“Did you hit her?” She asked Celeste and she immediately shook her head no.

“No mom, she was trying to help me. Brenda and Kasey were the ones who started to hit me.” She explained and her mother looked so confused but just nodded.

“Let’s go home.” She said and they hurried out.

“We should get going too.” Diana said and Celeste waved goodbye to Ethan and her principal before they headed off to the car as soon as she got in she turned to Diana.

“Are you angry at me, mom?” She asked nervously.

“Ummm no, I’m not even really sure what happened.” Diana said and Celeste sighed.

“I just felt bad for her, OK? I was in the bathroom before class and I think Megan told her friends that she…likes girls and they started to make fun of her. At first I was just hiding in the stall until they started to hit her and so I…just threw my book at one of them because I didn’t know what else to do to get them to stop!” She explained with nerves and Diana shook her head.

“It’s alright, you panicked and you…maybe did something a little extreme and I know that you know that violence is never the answer, but sometimes we just do the first thing that comes to mind. And well overall, I think you did the right thing. No one should get bullied over something like that.” Diana said and Celeste nodded in agreement, “I’m proud of you for sticking up for Megan, even though you’re not her friend. I’m sure she really needed that and it meant a lot to her.”

“Yeah.” She said and Diana pouted.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…thought that I might feel good seeing her get a taste of her own medicine, you know? But it didn’t feel good.” She explained and Diana nodded along in understanding.

“Well mamita, justice isn’t about retaliation. Sometimes that might feel gratifying, to see that what goes around comes around, but what’s the point of that if the person never learns? Or is never given the chance to be better after? This is something I really struggled with after your dad died…” she decided to open up about those feelings because she dealt with them for years before she learned that all the anger and need for vengeance were hurting her more than anything.

“I didn’t feel like justice had been served with the punishment the man that caused that accident received. I wanted him to pay for all the pain he’d caused and that just made me so angry and sad and bitter for a really long time and I suffered more because of that way of thinking, you know? My anger and need for retribution made me miserable and I know that’s not what Wes would have wanted for me or for you.” She explained and Celeste nodded in understanding, “Megan is dealing with a rather big thing personally and…she was wrong for everything she did to you, but I am so proud at how noble you are. It’s OK, if you feel conflicted about it too, like that totally makes sense to feel weird about defending her after everything she’s done. And well, I think you’ll have plenty to say to Dr. Styles as you unpack this in session.” Diana said and Celeste nodded with a small smile. They stopped to get something to eat and killed some time before they made it to her appointment. As soon as Harry had let Celeste into his office she gasped and rushed over to pick up the new cat and they both chuckled.

“It’s gonna be an eventful one today.” Diana said softly and he hummed before she found her seat and he closed the door. She had been sitting in silence for about 30 minutes before the door to the office opened and in came Damian and to her misfortune her mother was trailing after him.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Damian asked and Diana immediately stood up from her seat, “I googled how to get here, sorry. Is Celeste OK?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s in session.” She assured and Damian looked to her apologetically for bringing their mom here, but he just wanted to ensure Celeste was fine after he didn’t hear back from Diana.

“Mom.” Diana said cooly and Regina just nodded in acknowledgement before continuing to look around the space. “They should be done soon.” She explained to them and Damian nodded.

“We can wait.” He assured, “So what happened?” He asked and Diana started to explain what Celeste had told her earlier as Damian listened attentively. She knew her mother was there, but she never really showed an interest in their lives so she wasn’t necessarily addressing her.

“…so now she has detention for the rest of the week.” Diana finished her story and Damian sighed.

“Well I’m glad she was OK and didn’t seriously hurt anyone. She’s got a temper on her.”

“Believe me, I know.” Diana sighed and shook her head, “Thankfully it rarely makes an appearance. But she understands that she can’t lash out like that, she just panicked and didn’t know what to do.” She explained.

“Yeah, I’m sure it was scary to witness someone else getting hit.” Damian said and Diana nodded, “Well, I’m glad she’s alright. You’re a good mom, Di.” He said lowly and she smiled, “Maybe we can go to dinner together after?” He suggested hopefully.

“Yeah, that should be fine.” Diana agreed and Damian smiled about to say something else when their mother interrupted.

“Dinner together after what your daughter just did?” Regina spoke up and both Damian and Diana glanced to her.

“It wasn’t her fault, mom. She was defending another student-”

“Damian, stay out of this.” She barked and he rolled his eyes.

“He’s right, I’m not going to punish her for doing the right thing.”

“The right thing?” She scoffed and Diana sighed.

“You wouldn’t understand because you have no part in our lives-”

“Why would I want a part in your life when you’ve ruined it!?” She asked and Diana frowned.

“Mom-”

“Look at you! You’re a disaster. If you had done things right you wouldn’t be in this mess.” Regina scolded her.

“Can you keep it down, they’re in session.” Diana warned and Regina scoffed.

“Like this is going to help her get the discipline she needs to be a respectable girl.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my daughter!”

“Everything is wrong with your daughter and that’s your fault! I told you that you weren’t prepared for motherhood, Diana. You think it’s just like dressing up a doll and telling her what to do! But it’s a lot of work and-”

“How would you even know that? You didn’t raise me! You didn’t make me the person I am today.” She retorted.

“Thank god I can’t take credit for anything you’ve done!” Regina spat and Diana frowned, “I told you from the beginning that, that boy was just going to ruin your life! And what does he do, gets you pregnant and dies! Ha!” Regina scoffed incredulously as Diana’s eyes welled up, “And you didn’t have the sense to get that abortion like I told you to and look at you now! You only suffer because that’s what you choose for yourself. You threw your future away to have this mistake of a child that never should have even existed and now you’ve messed her up to the point that she needs therapy! She’s like an animal! Getting into fights and unable to control her impulses! You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother.” Regina shouted and hurled insult after insult as Diana just started to cry and crumble. Damian was trying to intervene but there was no stopping her once she got started.

*******

Harry and Celeste had been talking about Megan when they first heard some commotion which quieted down but then it started back up and they could hear very clearly what Regina was shouting. Celeste’s own eyes welled up as she heard her grandmother say that she never should have existed and Harry just couldn’t sit there and not stick up for Diana. He didn’t think about it before he stood and Celeste rushed after him.

“Dr. Styles, you don’t have to-”

“You are such a disgrace and embarrassment to your father and I!” Regina shouted.

“Hey!” Harry shouted effectively shutting Regina up and scaring Diana as he was right behind her, “Don’t ever talk to her that way again.” He warned angrily as Celeste peeked out from behind him and when Regina got a look at her she scoffed.

“What a shame, she doesn’t even look like us.” She said lowly to Diana. She knew that the real reason her mom was unhappy about her having Celeste was because Wesley was black and she’d be mixed-race. Her mother had never been shy about expressing her disapproval for her dating Wesley because he was black. Diana was about to go off and spew fire when Harry stepped in front of her with a deep frown on his face.

“Fuck you, lady.” Harry said menacingly.

“Excuse me?” She asked in full offense.

“You heard me. I don’t know who you think you are coming into my practice and insulting Diana and Celeste this way! The only person acting like an embarrassment and a wild animal right now is you. Shame on you!” He berated her and she scoffed, “Where have you been while they go through all of this? What support or help have you offered to them to even have an opinion about their lives?” He challenged her, “You should be proud that Diana is nothing like you. She’s such an incredible mother despite what you’ve shown her; she’s strong and hardworking and present and supportive of Celeste and she takes such good care of her especially with everything she’s had to endure. She’s everything you will never be and I hope that continues to piss you off for the rest of your life. And Celeste is not a mistake and she’s not messed up! She’s such a caring, compassionate, intelligent, and resilient girl. It’s sickening that you diminish her value out of your ignorance and bigotry.” He said and Regina didn’t even know what to say next, “You’d be so lucky to have such extraordinary people in your life but I’m afraid you don’t deserve that.” He said and she glanced to Diana, “Don’t look at her, I’m talking to you.” He said and she glanced back into his eyes. “You need to leave. Immediately or I’ll be calling the police.” He said and she chuckled dryly as she grabbed her things.

“Con mucho gusto.” She said with snark to Diana and she left without so much as a glance back. If his door could be slammed he’s certain that she would’ve for her theatrics.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think she’d do something like this.” Damian said to Diana and Harry as he went over to Celeste, “I’m so sorry, Celeste.” He said as he hugged her as she sniffled a bit, “Don’t listen to a word she says. She’s crazy and bitter and-”

“Racist?” Celeste said and he nodded.

“Yeah.” He nodded in confirmation with a frown as the truth of his mom’s feelings processed through his brain.

“You should’ve told me you were with her, Damian.” Diana said and he sighed.

“I didn’t think she’d act like this, I’m sorry.” He apologized again and Diana was clutching her fists in anger.

“You know how she is with me! God, I’m so mad at you right now!” She said through gritted teeth. She didn’t want to lose her shit, being angry just made her cry because she felt so powerless to that emotion. It was draining and overwhelming. She had tried to shield Celeste from her mother her entire life and the first interaction they had was her degrading her and being racist towards her.m! She wanted to rip Damian’s head off for not giving his decision more thought. She had talked to Celeste about racism before and what that could look like for her as a person of color, but she never would have thought that her own family would victimize her daughter. It was sickening and she just wanted to scream from the pain and anger storming inside of her. “I need to take a breather.” Diana said lowly before storming out. And Harry glanced over to Celeste who was still being held by Damian.

“Can you follow her just to make sure she doesn’t get in a screaming match with my mom?” He asked Harry.

“I think she just needs space.”

“Yeah, but she’s also impulsive when she’s angry and I’m the last person she wants to see or even listen to right now.” He said and Harry glanced down to Celeste.

“Is that OK? Are you alright here?” He asked and Celeste nodded, “OK, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He said and Celeste nodded before Harry rushed out. He hurried to the elevator and saw it wasn’t in use so he headed over to the stairwell and opened the door. “Diana?” He called as he swung the heavy door open and as he glanced around he saw her sitting on the steps just a few feet away, “Hey.” He said softly as he approached her and she sniffled.

“I’m fine, just be with Celeste, please.”

“I was told to come be with you. Celeste’s with Damian.” He said as he sat a few steps below her so that he could see her.

“Ughhh, fucking Damian!” She groaned in frustration, “He knows that my mom is the devil! I don’t know how he thought bringing her here was a good idea.” She shook her head, “He’s such an idiot sometimes!” She vented and Harry just extended his hand out to her and she looked at him as she reluctantly took it and squeezed a bit, “I hate her so much, Harry. Like I know that a part of me should love her and be grateful for her because that’s my mom, but she’s so…well you saw what she’s like! And that’s been my whole life! Just fighting to fit into some mold she’s created for us! And yes, I am well aware that my choices have led me to a life I never envisioned for myself but I am happy with my life. I’m happy with my daughter, I am happy with my job, I am happy with my friends…like does that mean nothing to her?” Diana cried and he just came up to the step she was on and hugged her into his arms.

“I’ve got you, love.” He assured as she cried. It hurt so much for her own mother to think so lowly of her and Celeste. She was angry but more than that she was hurt; she was so hurt by everything that her mother said. She figured that she thought those things, but to hear her actually say them in front of her and others, it felt like a new low, even for her mom.

“Thank you for sticking up for me, I would have crumbled and that would’ve made her happy.” Diana sniffled.

I had to, Di. I was gonna be calm about it but when she made that comment about Celeste, I swear I saw red. And I know I didn’t handle this professionally in any war but I just couldn’t contain my anger. I couldn’t listen to any more of her bullshit.” He said.

“You should’ve heard the things she’d say about Wesley behind his back…” she sighed, “She’s such a bitch.” She said and Harry sighed.

“Not to further disrespect your mom, but yeah…she is.” He agreed softly and Diana chuckled through her tears and then took a big deep breath only to exhale shakily.

“I really needed you yesterday.” Diana said more quietly, “I think I would’ve been able to deal with her better if I had just…been more calm or just better prepared for her. I don’t like for her to see how she affects me.”

“If you’ll allow me, im gonna “therapize” you for a minute, if that’s alright?” He asked and she hummed indicating that he go on, “Being callus & stoic all the time, not showing any emotion and vulnerability, that’s how she is. She so far removed and that’s why she’s the way that she is. That’s why she’s capable of saying such hurtful things without empathy & remorse. She’s buried those things so far down for the sake of appearing stronger, but look what it’s made her into. It might seem counterproductive to be able to emote in front of her but I think it’s better for her to see that just because you feel things it doesn’t mean that those feelings break you.” He said and Diana sighed, “Baby, look at me.” He said softly and she suddenly felt like everything except them disappeared, “You’re so strong and so brave. Feeling takes courage and managing those feelings correctly takes strength, and that’s something that she doesn’t have and that I fear she never will. With everything that you’ve made it through, you’re practically invincible.” He said as he held her face, “You’re teaching Celeste the same thing and I’m so proud of you for that. For breaking that cycle.” He said.

“Thank you.” She responded quietly and he nodded.

“Course, love. Now, let’s clean you up a bit, you’re a little smeared.” He said with a soft smile and she sighed as he cleaned away her smudged eyeliner, “There.” He hummed, “Do you need a little more time?” He asked and she nodded, “OK.” He said and started to stand.

“No, don’t go. Just…” she sighed as she looked into his eyes, “Be with me for a little longer.” She said and he nodded.

“Yeah, love.” He said softly as he intertwined their hands together on his lap. “I’ve been thinking about Celeste’s bake sale.” He said and Diana hummed in acknowledgement, “W-what if you guys came over or I went over and we made something together? Like obviously under the guise of teaching you, but just so we can be together, the three of us.” He said and Diana’s heart fluttered.

“That’d be nice. I just…I’m worried we’ll like flirt or something and Celeste will get suspicious. Or maybe I’m just overthinking…” Diana said and Harry smiled.

“A little bit, but that’s alright. I can just share a recipe and if it starts going to shit give me a call, yeah? I’d be happy to swing by.” He said softly and Diana nodded.

“Yeah, just…be on standby because I’m 95% sure you’ll be getting a call from me.” She giggled and he smiled.

“Yeah, that’s the point.” He said lowly and she shook her head with a smile. When Diana leaned on his shoulder he couldn’t help himself as he kissed her head and sighed. He just wanted the chance to make her and Celeste happy. He knew he could, she just needed to let him show her.

#harry styles #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles au #harry styles series #therapist harry fic #therapist!harry #theraparry #harry styles x oc #harry styles forbidden romance #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #wonderful world #wonderful world series #0nlythrowharrybeaux

22 notes · View notes

strawberryflatline · 10 months ago

Text

♡DONT REPORT JUST BLOCK♡

♡this is a sideblog!! My main is Mortuary-Maggots. If you're a jirai kei page or something of the sort, and you see that account follow you, feel free to follow me here or there! My inbox is always open to new friends. Just don't expect to have my constant attention, I'm still an adult with unfortunate adult responsibilities. However, I love chatting, especially about shared interests♡

♡about me♡

♡Name: I'll go by Doll/Dolly/Doll Face or Bunny to protect my privacy

♡Pronouns: It/It's, I am simply a little creature masquerading as a totally normal human girl

♡Sexuality: honestly hard to say at this point. Men make me want to remove all of my skin; women are wonderful. I am polyamorous, that much I know

♡Age: 23 (I'd prefer for minors not to interact with this page, but inappropriate content if any will be tagged accordingly)

♡Zodiac: Capricorn Sun, Virgo Moon, Libra Rising

Mental Illnesses: unknown. Surprisingly, I made it this far undiagnosed (send help).

Likes: making friends (despite my initial mistrust and dislike of people), gaming, writing/reading, horror movies, smoking, drinking, making people unsettled, dolls, masks, art, clowns/jesters, angels, catholic imagery, naps, bunnies, cosplay, fashion, makeup, alternative subcultures, music, video game lore, puppets

Dislikes: men usually, 90% of the world's population (that's not to say I'm not approachable, feel free to message me, I just can't guarantee frequent responses for a myriad of reasons), ignorance, those who take out their issues on those they care about (if you have the self awareness to apologize/acknowledge your actions that's obviously a different story), girls who throw other girls under the bus in front of men to appear cooler, pants

♡what you'll find here♡

This is a place for me to dump my stream of consciousness. Apologies if I come across wordy or pretentious by the way I write. I am undiagnosed, so I can't say for sure what causes these thoughts, but regardless, I hope these posts find their homes on pages of like-minded individuals. There's comfort in knowing you're not navigating this fog alone. Oh yeah, also jirai kei and menhera. (Maybe some Astarion posting here and there because there's something so insanely relatable about that silly little vampire twink)

♡Potential Trigger Warnings♡

♡talks of sh (mostly in mental forms)

♡alcohol, substances (weed, cigarettes, psychedelics, molly) I'm over 21. Please do not report; just block.

♡negative thoughts, suicidal ideation, vent posts, trauma talk

♡nsfw content (rare if at all. Just wanted to add it here just in case)

♡unsettling imagery/horror content

♡talk of ED

(Will continue to add to this if need be)

♡DNI♡

♡I'd prefer no minors

♡proana content

♡homophobic/transphobic/racist/etc. Don't be a dick basically

♡people who use their mental illnesses as an excuse to be shitty to those around them. Your traumas are valid, but they are never an excuse to hurt others.

♡If you figure out who I am irl, no, you didn't. I highly value privacy as a highly paranoid individual.

#about myself #jirai blogging #jiraiblr #landmine girl #jirai kei #jirai

3 notes · View notes

toaarcan · 1 year ago

Text

I don't think I've ever met a group of people who I nominally agree with but also don't want to be associated with at all moreso than the "Fiction isn't reality sweaties" people.

Because they're generally, for the most part, right about things. But good god they're so fucking smug about it. The level of condescension is outright unpleasant to be around or read about or whatever.

People on this website will post about how kindness is smart and being asshole is bad and then turn around call everyone that doesn't agree with their opinions on cartoons a stupid toddler.

And it's not even like they're largely wrong about a lot of the things they talk about. I can't sit here and say "Well y'all are talking bollocks, I'm gonna block/unfollow/just ignore you now," because generally I think they're right about a lot of the things they're talking about. They catastrophise way too hard, teenagers on the Internet not liking your ship isn't a harbinger of the rise of fascism, guys, it's just kind of annoying. People have been bad at media literacy for as long as there's been media to literacy, it hasn't ended civilisation yet, I think we'll be fine if some of the zoomers get a bit puritan for a bit.

Inb4 historians discover that the Sea Peoples were actually militant antis who destroyed Bronze Age civilisation on account of all the incest in their mythologi- For legal purposes this is a joke.

I'm not trying to tone police here, I'm mostly just venting into the uncaring void, but good god would I be marginally happier if I could be safe in the assumption that I never have to see this fucking image again:

I wasn't kidding earlier when I said that they treat people that don't agree with them like stupid toddlers. That was a direct fucking example.

For an image that so often gets used on posts about the importance of fiction not being pure black-and-white morality, the people using it sure are just boiling everything down to "The wonderful genius angels who agree with me about things vs. the stupid childish poo people who don't agree with me and smell bad."

It is, in full honesty, the fastest trigger for the "Well I was agreeing with what you were saying and I was going to reblog it, but now you've said/posted that so I'm going to keep scrolling instead" factor I've had in a long while. From "Yeah I'm with you" to "Please shut the fuck up and stop being a condescending prick" in less than a second, it's impressive.

And like I said before, it's not like I don't think these people have a point. They do! Often it's a very good one! But I'd rather have to deal with a dozen annoying people getting on my case which fictional characters I think should kiss than a bunch of people being smug about how much smarter they think they are than said annoying people. At least with the annoying people I could just block them and not lose out on anything.

#Tumblr #Tumblr Culture #Tumblr Discourse #Hellsite

6 notes · View notes

icedragon1978thepermabanned · 4 days ago

Note

You seem a little... obsessed with pixel, from an outsider's perspective. It's a little scary. :( I get having bad experiences in fandom, I am also an autistic person with a bad bad case of rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It's a terrible feeling. But I worry that you might only be spiraling in on and hurting yourself in focusing on the people that you've been rejected by. ultimately, it's your own decision. But either way, I do hope you can reach out and find a group of your own that treasures you.

Right. Needed to change the whole post because it's the only way to talk to you.

Maybe this might explain things a little better.

- top left corner, the puppet strings: Her physical management of users in her territory

- Purple box: Pixel after venting on her blog that she felt low because the Whump community wasn't giving her any attention. She felt ignored by them. Something I could relate to because I go through this regularly.

- The person silhouette: The person who only tried to reach out and show support towards them in their own words, unaware of the hidden rules and regulations they had to follow... They thought that just showing that they cared plus could relate to their experiences with online social rejection could tell them that they are not alone.

- Pixel's quote (based on what she actually said to me on that day, however since she removed all evidence of the posts both from her and me, it no longer exists. I can still remember the key things she said. Though the order may be jumbled up from my mind): "You made me feel very uncomfortable. That stuff is too heavy, you are a stranger, you are only trauma dumping, please talk as little as possible. Take this experience as a lesson next time you go anywhere. Goodbye."

Now you can finally see why I'm so pissed. But what you guys don't realise.

Is that she hides any evidence of both hers and others messages.

People only reacted to me because I 'lashed out' on a separate occasion. They may have no idea of what was really said because they weren't there.

Pixel was swift to sweep it under the rug. It's very likely that she planned on getting rid of the message then block me. However she didn't expect me to be aware that she deleted my messages, which likely caught her by surprise. I am not fooled by people who do this, so I directly asked her if I said anything wrong. Which she answered my question, the tone seems to indicate that she was panicking, she didn't want to talk to me at all but felt found out. She said her bit then swiftly removed all evidence and blocked me.

But I remembered the key words she said to me. She knows what she was doing, and was desperate to run away and destroy the evidence. Of course, she'll debunk everything she said to me, twisting it so that it makes it that I was the one threatening her or something. She's already got people on her side, people who weren't even there at the scene, because they trust her, they believe in everything she says.

I couldn't give a shit about her anymore. But what worries me is that she's been doing this for years. If you don't believe me then I recommend performing an experiment with an alt account. And just talk normally in one of her comments, something like,

Talking in a lot of posts about one character in her art. How they relate to you (eventually this should tick her off) stay online and wait... You need to be ready to take screenshots as quickly as possible because she acts fast. Screenshot your posts then screenshot the same comments section if they had been suddenly deleted (you have to keep regularly checking) as soon as you are aware that she did remove those posts, immediately bring her up on it (just ask casually why she removed them) if she answers your question SCREENSHOT IT because she'll immediately remove all the messages and block the alt account.

This is just how one could catch a rat in the act. But. Up to you. Of course, pixel is perfect, she has her reasons etc etc.

However. Let me warn you.

People who behave like that. Using tools to sweep away evidence without warning. Are the manipulative type. They WILL only accept what they want to hear, to the point of removing that person if they do not meet their regulations.

All along.... She could have been deleting your comments on her blog without informing you. Could have even blocked multiple people who used to be regular fans without explanation until it's too late. It's control. The person whom you look up to so much, could be doing so much more harm, and you are blind to it.

She's the kind who would betray anyone. Anyone who hasn't got her respect. All regular fans are strangers, just pawns on her board.

I pity her. I pity her need to be like this. It's only going to give her more pain. She thinks that she can fool so many people, bend them to her will. She's playing the Raincode community, thinking that you guys are just too dumb to have a sense of justice, or any rights. You exist just to be cutsy around art work, that's all she wants from people, to only respect her and her works.

Only she can prove to me that she's a better person. That she can change and give others a chance. But that's unlikely.

You don't believe me. And I don't expect you to 🤷 negative backgrounds can help reveal a hidden lie that could actually save you from a lifetime of more agony. And I've been backstabbed by too many people to just ignore a scenario where evidence of my existence was erased without my knowledge. Luckily I was checking the platform at the time and caught her before she blocked me.

So... What will it be? Remain by her side until she strikes you when you least expect it? Or be more weary... Face your fears, and seek out the dark truth for yourself. Yuma is a detective, remember? There are times where we need to fight for what's right.

Though. As I would expect in your case. That you'll do everything in your power to take me down. Because I'm a threat to your role model as I've spoken out about this shit. The manipulative behaviour people do to control how they want people to behave, say things, etc. You will always be in denial until you see it happen to yourself 😔. I may be a stranger to you.... A person with no rights, only to serve others how they want me to act in their community. But I care enough for you guys to share my own experiences, whether or not you believe them.

People like pixel are the ones who are stopping people from being themselves. They are locking people from being a member of what they love. She's causing more trauma by forcing people to hate themselves for "trauma dumping" and basically... If you can't be who she expects you to be, talk how she wants you to talk then you are worthless to her. Trash to throw away. She's destroying people, punishing them for just being themselves.

Now you know why I fight. What I'm fighting for. She needs to understand this negativity she's raising and hiding from people. People deserve better. If she's truly a good person then she'll learn from this, and apologise, changing the way she views others. No longer outcasting them like that.

Otherwise.... Just like her blog, her artwork and anything else she does. She's nothing but a lie. A fraudster who only cares about her ego.

1 note · View note

t3chborb · 1 year ago

Text

About me & this blog

Hello, call me T3, Birb, or Borb, whichever you prefer.

I've made this silly corner of the internet because I have an unhealthy obsession with a fictional character and want to contribute to the fandom, be it feeding the algorithms with likes n reblogs n shit or my own produce :P

Unique tags found on this blog:

Borb's Scribbles (art)

Borb's Rambles (thoughts, theories, etc)

Borb's Garbage Dump (works in progress, may or may not get finished)

Borb Answers (ask responses. May sometimes also feature scribbles and rambles, depending on the ask)

Not mine (obvious lol)

Unholy Abomination - universal mature tag, may contain either adultery or robot guts. Used liberally just in case, even if the art is technically sfw

Other noteworthy things:

English isn't my native language, my apologies if my words are hard to read or understand

This blog is hyperfocused on Ramram. Probably a stupid idea in the long run but this account is a semi-throwaway anyway

I don't reblog much as I lowkey don't see the point. This is a place for my produce, not a spam blog. That said reblogs do show up on the rare occasion. I do my best to make up for this by leaving likes and comments on other's posts to show support :)

I'm here to have a good time, not cause or experience discourse, so please don't be a jerk, just block me and ignore me if my existence bothers you

I am, to some extend, a pro-shipper. I barely have any preferences when it comes to Ram ships, I'm fine with just about any (including self-inserts and OCs)

There are some shipping dynamics I don't like, one or both characters being OOC as hell, general toxicity and abuse, underage x adult, non-con, things of that nature, but I'm fine with pretty much anything deemed "problematic", assuming the issue is handled reasonably well (and if it's not handled well... the creator has a right to vent via creative media, even if I don't like said media. Better have them let out their frustrations creatively than... you know. Actually acting on them.)

For Ram fandom's "problematic" ship specifically, I'm neutral on Ramyatta, slightly leaning towards the don't like it territory, but for reasons other than the whole pseudo-incest thing (it's not incest in my eyes because robots don't have genes and monastery titles, but I can see how Ram and Zen calling each other "brother" is offputting)

I generally don't take requests, but if I happen to vibe a lot with a certain concept, I might just draw it

I'm open to talking, but I'm shy and perfectionistic. So please don't take it personally if I don't respond for a while ;-; I'll try to do my best.

I am a-okay with naughty topics, just know that I'll probably be embarrassed about it

About my art:

Krita 5.2 + Huion Kamvas Pro 16

My "style" is inconsistent as fuck as I'm going to be experimenting a lot for improvement purposes

If you wish to use my art, I am fine with the following:

Profile pictures, profile backgrounds, device wallpapers (with credit provided somewhere easily accessible, if it's shown publicly)

Coloring uncolored lineart

Side Note 1: I would like to know about you using my work, but telling me isn't mandatory (provided you follow these rules)

Side Note 2: Almost all art posted has been heavily downscaled from the originals (about 3 times smaller), so they may look terrible in certain use cases. If you want the full res, reach out to me privately, I'll send it over if I'm confident that you won't misuse it

I am NOT fine with the following:

Commercial use of any kind

Feeding into AI generators

NFT nonsense

Modifications of any kind EXCEPT coloring plain lineart

Reposting anywhere, especially Tumblr. If you REALLY want to share my stuff, I'm flattered, but please use links instead...

#Borb's Rambles

0 notes

dragonqueenbizawagi · 5 months ago

Text

First of all, that is SO rude! You do not deserve that, and I wish you warm fuzzy blankets and extra PTO (and I wish them rocks in their shoes and an audit – unless an audit wouldn't really affect HR, in which case I wish them something equally inconvenient). Second of all, I know this is probably just a vent post and you're looking for sympathy not advice, but I still want to offer whatever advice I can (that and I think more people need to hear this, so even if it's not relevant to you it might help someone else). I don't know the full context here though, so if you already know this or it's irrelevant, please feel free to ignore my unsolicited advice.

But in case you (or anyone reading this in a similar situation) DON'T know: HR exists to help the company, not you, and those goals only sometimes align. If they're being difficult, there's a good chance the misunderstanding is deliberate on their part – especially if your complaining could get the company in legal trouble! Always make sure to get as much in writing as possible (meaning e-mail instead of call), and if they call or talk to you in person, send an e-mail recapping what that conversation was about.

Full disclosure: I don't know how exactly you're supposed to write that (or any e-mail) without it being awkward, but I got that advice from Attorney Ryan @RyanStygar on youtube, so I'm pretty sure he has a video explaining it somewhere (I found a few related ones but not the one I was looking for, sorry – I'll add it later it if I find it). I recommend checking him out if you want tips on dealing with shitty HR/employers, since he's an attorney for stuff like that and knows what kind of receipts you need to keep if it gets to the point of hiring a lawyer, though I sincerely hope you don't get to that point! With any luck, HR will see reason and actually resolve the issue before long, but it might light a fire under their ass if you come equipped with advice from a lawyer and they see you know what you're doing and will hold them accountable!

Best of luck dealing with those disingenuous dildos in HR! Don't let their tactics deceive you, they want you to get frustrated and drop the issue. But if it's worth your tears, then it's worth the fight. Remember that.

the other day i literally broke down crying bc HR keeps misunderstanding me and refusing to help me :( and then being so aggressive towards me

#sorry for turning a one-off vent post into an informative lecture #i hate that so many people get fucked over by HR because they still believe that HR is there to help the employee instead of the company #the wolf in sheep's clothing is still hunting for the pack not the herd #anyway take care of yourself OP!#and rest assured the battle may be long and hard but i am confident you'll win in the end!#you got this!

5 notes · View notes

khepiari · 2 years ago

Text

Hello, children of lusty void. I need to vent about censorship nonsense brewing up!

[first published as note on a fic of mine that has age gap and child marriage as the plot of romance, this here is an updated version of the author’s note for more people.]

Before the TiffnanyG election debacle, my OTP, and my fellow OTP fandom had been caught between pro-ship vs antis and the whole age gap is problematic idiocy.

Recently, I came across same problems on other fandoms where posts and accounts were created that have been exclusively targeting shippers, creators and consumers on Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr which have “problematic ship” dynamics namely characters with age gaps or have NSFW and other such things.

Look if you have faced bullying because of your ship preference, do not engage for your own mental well-being, report the account, share the account details with your fellow friends from the same ship fandom and do a mass reporting, and don't stop at that, send email to your respective social media companies and take screenshots at every step of it and keep it. In case you find no action has been taken, you can use the screenshots to make your case stronger when you re-report.

Shipping is a personal choice and no one has the right to ship-shame you, if these bullies can't distinguish between fiction and fictional characters and reality, then they are definitely in need of classes on critical reading and thinking. Please read this to understand what Proship means!

Fandom is meant to be a safe space you curate by your own choice where people with similar interest communicate, create, collaborate and fiction is the best way to explore one's ideas; sometimes those ideas can be cringy, problematic, vile or outright scary and that's okay and that’s why Dead Dove: Do Not Eat exists. Because we are channelling our ideas, thoughts and traumas and curiosities and thriving towards a path of self awareness with help of our fan art, fanfic, fic prompts, podfic, fmvs, amvs, animatics, songfic, character role-playing, cosplaying, writing threadfic or just engaging in speculative discussion or just vibing.

Thinking is not a crime, writing or creating creative work is not a crime. As long as you do not harm people in real life or practice the evil elements of your imagination in reality; you are fine as a person. Trust me; my mind is a wonderland of gore and angsty stories where I want characters to burn someone or declaw an animal for the story I am telling, and I have never gone and tied up a lover of mine with leather belts and poured burning liquid wax on them just because I imagined it and assumed it is a language of love, and I have many pets as well whom I will never hurt.

We should never shame shippers or fangirl, fanboys, fanperson for their OTP or headcanons, they are harming no one, if you don't like something, just ignore it!

Before ao3 existed, reading fanfics on Fanfiction dot net was playing a Russian Roulette. All the fics basically came with K, K+, T, M, MA, and it came with a warning Don’t Like it Don’t Read it! And then came the purge, overnight MA content was gone! And worse things happened, people stopped rating their insane stories! Instead of preventing people from reading triggering stuff with the rating, the rating system was used to censor people out and their work deleted!

Having Ao3’s tagging system is a privilege that has been built on years of trial and errors and loss of many stories! We are literally standing on a graveyard of purged and exiled stories! And it is a fanperson/fandom’s duty to make sure that you select your tags wisely and read the tags and story summary. Even after that, if people choose to violate the barricades put to protect them, why should the creators be blamed? [Read this]

And it is an awful and unhealthy attitude to engage with fanworks with so much hate, why would you waste your time hounding people of ships, ficwriters or fanartists you don't like? You cannot change the world with meanness. And how is sending CSEM (child sexual exploitation material) against Ao3 volunteers helping the cause of your protest?

I can understand why many of them oppose and demand content moderation, because of age difference, complicated and complex topics that need supervision and proper understanding before a person delves into them, and of course the NSFW stuff. First, they are fictional. Second, each creator changes or adds their own details in their creation.

Each writer can deal with age gap stories or any kind of topic the way they interpret it! Each artist will put their own twist to NSFW. Soulmate AUs sound loveliest, but they can be a horror story of about predestination vs free will! Yes, Soulmate AU horror story can make people uncomfortable because of the way it is written. Similarly, body possession trope can be a story of transition and self acceptance instead of presenting it as an invasion of body, or it can be written as a story of change!

Context brings clarity. Proship and Antis are by-product of same fandom. So how does these divides crop up? It is simple, people interpret things from different contextual standpoints. Many factors play role into the whole process of thought making; hence the terminology Thought Process. No two minds think the same because no two minds process the same information in the same way. Two people from the same fandom might come to a same fanfic; one for SMUT, while another comes to elongate the established emotional relation they have with the story. One can hate the fanfic for being NSFW and feel it is a corruption of their beloved story, and second others will love it for the NSFW because the OG Work didn’t have anything, and they wanted to read it. Both can be right and both can be wrong at the same time. Contextual reading/consumption is common, it is critically thinking and examining stories what makes aware brains. And by principle I am against censorship, because someone’s world view or imagined discomfort should not take away someone else’s right to express. Even if I don’t like a work of fiction, I will defend its existence. Words on paper [I mean all mediums] don’t hurt people, people hurt people.

Difference lies in how a story or art work is created, and if I had written a Soulmate AU Horror Story with tinted lenses, it definitely could be a read as a predatory story. I understand the concern about running into things that are “bad” in fiction! But not every work of fiction owes people comfort. We write the stories that we think needs to be told. Everyone has a right to be concerned, hence we think like this— “If we don’t let 10 years old into an A+ film in theatre, why should they be exposed to A+ stuff in words and artworks?”

Hence, the tags have been put up for better navigation. Hence, we have warnings and rating on Netflix screen when we turn on Squid Games. You cannot read a Mature story on Ao3 without consenting to read it. Many will argue —“But the trigger warnings and tags were not properly done.” No, you can’t expect every author to tag every possible thing that can trigger a reader. The trigger warnings are in place to give you a heads-up, a moment to understand what you are getting into, and should be used it as indication. No writer or creator wants to hurt you, we all write and create something because we love and want to share joy. How are people reacting to books in real life? Do you think Little Red Riding Hood should have a trigger warning for people with Lupophobia or Thanatophobia because Red Riding gets eaten by the wolf? And what about its rendition at the hands of Angela Carter, where beastiliy is written and printed in book form? Shape of Water has Monsterfucking, people knew about a monster from teaser, but not about the fucking. Like life, literature [including fanfics] are full of surprises, and we might not like many of them, it is part of growing up not just 16 turning 17 then 18, then 19; no you have to face shitty stuff your entire life because growing up is painful. And not liking something is a natural reaction, sometimes the dislike is overwhelming, and turns into rage and revulsion and yet you should not demand censorship!

Censorship kills creativity. If we give an inch to the voices of “but what about this and this group of people who suffered?” we open a crack to a system that is meant to preserve. The group who suffered, suffered at the hands of real physical people. A book murdered no one until it was held by a hand that saw it as a weapon, similarly reading/watching a “vile” fanfic or fanart could damage no one in real life, because there is no direct action and reaction that left consequences. Archive of Our Own is an ARCHIVE. It is meant to digitally preserve everything ever created in it, and slowly they are bringing in other fan works that are in danger of extinction as more and more people are capitalizing on the internet like it is real estate. And Ao3 was never meant to be the only fanspace! Tumblr used to be one, look what the purge did! When you implant censorship, you are pushing creators who are already marginalized to the extremes end of the internet. As Kis aka blow_me_a_kiss on Twitter said, Ao3 is not a business that needs a manager for people to complain about every time they run into things that don’t align with certain world views, it is a collective. This is how things and institutes and systems are meant to run publicly! You have to learn to curate your own reading/entertainment lists, and you really can’t appreciate the good without having your face slammed by the bad. Why should you or anyone need a pre-formed judgement about things they consume; reviews, kudos, comments, praises are all there to show what people felt after coming in contact with a creation, it is not a universally common experience! Hence, some people love Inception and hail it as masterpiece, while some people like me find it very basic storytelling. You have to have learn to face the bad! You must. Censorship is not about protecting the vulnerable! It never was, censorship has always been about exercising power over the vulnerable one. It takes a lot of courage and time for creators to present their beloved works to the world. Remember what happened to Isabal Fall? All she did was write a story, and people’s inbuilt fears and apprehensiveness turned into bullying which they projected on her, and she was forced to out herself! The same happened to Becky Albertalli author of Simon Vs The Homo Sapien Agenda.

I request you all not to engage with so much hate, I have been shipper/fanperson since I was 13 and been active on internet since 18! I began working on fics when my first ship was a rare pair, I am 29 today, and it is one of the biggest ships; biggest queer ships in my fandom!

Because of this OTP, I have made many friends and read amazing fictions and seen glorious fanarts and doujinshi and watch cosplayers do beautiful concept photography.

Please do not be mean and rude and do not bully people because you don't like something.

Death threats are not cool, they hurt, and can suck away a joy of participation from people. Even if the account you are bullying has an anime/manga image with no real name, there is a real person behind the screen.

Be kind.

Be fucking aggressively kind!

37 notes · View notes

fortuositywritings · 4 years ago

Text

I Said No (Wanda x R): Pt 6

Summary: You kissed Wanda. Where do you go from here? Camping. You go camping is where.

Challenge: Take a shot of preferred drink (water for you youngsters, stay hydrated) every time you read "s'mores".

Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt. 5

Wanda is beyond frustrated. It has been eight hours since you kissed her on the ferris wheel. Eight painful hours of rewinding the moment in her mind over and over again, wondering what it means because you haven’t said anything about it. You acted no different when you met back with everyone else. No different when Laura asked with a knowing smile how the view was from the top. No different on the car ride home nor when you said goodnight to her like you did to everyone else even if she had lingered behind a little longer in case you maybe wanted to say something while no one else was near.

It’s like it never even happened and now she’s wondering if she’s somehow messing with her own mind.

No, it definitely happened. Maybe there’s a reason. Maybe you’ll explain. Maybe she needs to sleep.

She can feel Nat stirring beside her, signaling her to close her eyes and feign sleep.

“I know you’re awake, Wanda. You’re going to have to do better than that,” Nat says. Wanda huffs. She should know better than try to pretend in front of the spy. “What’s wrong? You’ve been tossing and turning all night.”

Wanda doesn’t think Nat would like to hear the reason for her restlessness, but she also knows she can’t get away with lying, so she chooses to say, “I don’t think you would want to know.”

“Wanda,” Nat sighs, almost defeatedly, “I know I have my reservations about you and Y/N but I meant what I said. You are both adults who can make your own choices and if this is really something you both want then I’ll be here for you and her both. I know you might not believe this, but I’d much rather be here to help you prove me wrong than you two go and prove me right.”

Nat is lying on her back now staring at the ceiling waiting patiently for Wanda to say something. Wanda follows Nat’s lead and stares at the blank ceiling trying to get her thoughts in order. Wanda doesn’t like talking about her feelings. She’s one to figure things out on her own but if she doesn’t get answers soon, she is going to go insane. Nat knows Y/N well enough. Maybe she knows why Y/N acted so indifferent. So Wanda decides to trust Nat. “She kissed me.”

Wanda turns her head to see Nat’s expression. Nat’s face remains stoic. “Are you mad?” Wanda asks warily.

“No, but I am surprised,” Nat says with what Wanda could swear is amusement. “I didn’t think she had it in her to go against anything Clint or I say.”

Wanda smiles, “You don’t give her enough credit.”

“Maybe. I think I also give you too much credit. I thought it would be you to do it. You Maximoffs tend to be relentless until you get what you want.” Wanda chuckles acknowledging that sometimes she and her brother annoy the rest of the team until things go their way. “So she kissed you. What’s the problem?”

Wanda’s good mood comes back down as she falls back to reality. “I don’t know if there is a problem is the problem,” Wanda groans in frustration.

“You’ve lost me.”

Wanda can’t have this conversation lying down so she sits up. Nat does the same, giving Wanda her full attention. “It’s just, it’s so push and pull with her. She flirts and I flirt back. Then she says she can’t so I let it go, but later she pulls me in again but then reminds me we can only be friends only to kiss me at the fair. And now she’s acting like it didn’t even happen and it’s all so frustrating,” Wanda vents.

Nat takes a moment to process everything. “You have to keep in mind that Y/N doesn’t do the whole relationship thing. She tried it once and well it didn’t work out. Now when things get serious, she likes to ignore them or as I’m sure you’ve noticed she likes to joke her way out. So if you want to work this out, you’ll have to find a way to talk to her without her freaking out,” Nat advises.

The mention of a past relationship piques Wanda’s interest. “Y/N’s been in a relationship before? She’s never mentioned it.”

Nat smirks shaking her head, “Of course out of everything I said, that’s what you got. Tell me, have you told her about the robot boyfriend you had not too long ago?” Wanda looks down at the bedsheets in embarrassment. Nat wants to laugh but decides to give Wanda a break. “Look, if you really want to know you can ask Y/N later, okay? Now get some rest. You shouldn’t let guy, girl, or robot problems keep you from sleeping,” she finishes chuckling and gets up from the bed.

“Where are you off to?” Wanda still goes to lie down but looks up at Nat with tired eyes.

“Going to go for a hike with your girl,” Nat teases as she grabs her clothes and clothes for you.

“She’s not my girl,” Wanda says, tucking her head into her pillow to hide her blush but Nat still caught it. She also catches when Wanda mumbles, “yet.”

“And there’s that bratty Maximoff attitude. I see you’re feeling better now,” Nat laughs and leaves the room without giving Wanda the time to respond, not that Wanda was planning to because Nat was right. Wanda was feeling better now having talked it out with someone. She’ll do as Natasha said and ask you later. With that she closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep.

You didn’t fare too well last either, much like Wanda. You were trying so hard not to think about your kiss with Wanda, but it’s all you could think about. You don’t know what possessed you to do it, but you know you should not have done it. You should not have done it because now all you can think about is doing it again, about doing it again and letting her kiss you back. You shouldn’t have kissed her because you don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, including yourself. It’s happened to you once before and you’re scared because it is happening to you again.

So, you tried to play it cool. If you act like it was a friendly kiss that didn’t really mean anything, then Wanda will take the hint and when she inevitably goes, so will your feelings. No harm done. Friends kiss sometimes, right? At least that’s what you’ve been trying to convince yourself all night until you fell asleep.

You awaken from your two hours of Wanda-filled dreams by gym clothes smacking your face. You groan, “No, please. Not today, Nat. I barely got any sleep last night.”

“Oh, not you too,” she comments, rolling her eyes at you. You lift your head at that to look at her confused by what she meant. “Come on, some exercise will take your mind off whatever kept you up,” she continues with a knowing smile as she takes a sip of her coffee. You narrow your eyes at her but eventually give in. Maybe she’s right and it will help you take your mind off of Wanda for even a moment.

You still need the energy though, so you steal her coffee as you pass by her with your clothes in hand.

The one time you actually hoped Nat would be right, she wasn’t. You’re an hour into your hike and your brain has no vacancy for anything other than Wanda. You want to scream. Instead you push yourself harder. Another hour goes by and your head is still spinning, except this time it might also be because of the lack of oxygen reaching your brain. You go to lay on the dirty ground and attempt to catch your breath. Nat stops, not hearing your footsteps behind her.

She looks at you a little worried. You are heaving and you are sweaty and you are frustrated and it’s official; a pretty girl named Wanda Maximoff broke you. You start chuckling and soon a full resounding laugh comes out of you like you heard the funniest joke. Nat goes to sit by you warily but doesn’t say anything.

Your laughter dies, replaced by a solemn attitude. You sit up, your shoulder touching Nat’s. She still doesn’t say anything and you’re thankful for that. Without looking at her, you tell her earnestly, “I really like her.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs.

“She told you,” you say, no surprise in your voice. You were clued in this morning with Nat’s knowing smile. Nat hums in confirmation. “I know you and Clint warned me, but-”

“But we were wrong,” Nat cuts you off. That has you looking at her, your eyebrows raised in shock. You never thought you’d hear her admit being wrong so blatantly. She laughs, “Don’t get used to hearing that. Seriously though, you don’t need someone telling you what you can or cannot do. It wasn’t right for us to try. So, I’ll tell you what I told Wanda, whatever happens, I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Aww, look who’s taking accountability. Little Romanov is all grown up!” you joke. She rolls her eyes and nudges you saying, “I guess serious talk is over.”

She knows you too well. You smile anyway in appreciation. You both get up and start making your way back to the car. You feel lighter after that conversation. On your walk back, you begin to think, maybe you can give it a shot with Wanda now that it seems Nat and Clint are giving into the idea of you two together. You smile at the thought of you and Wanda together. You can make it work, you think. That is if you can allow trust in yourself to not hurt her and trust her not to do the same. But you have time to work on that.

When you reach the car, a daunting thought stops you. You don’t have time. “She’s leaving soon.”

Nat opening the car door simply says, “Yeah, guess you have to decide what you want to do quickly.”

“I’ve decided,” Clint says to everyone at breakfast. When you and Nat had gotten to the house, almost everyone was still asleep. You and Nat only saw Sam and Laura up in the kitchen. You’d guessed the fair wore everyone out yesterday. You and Nat helped Sam and Laura make breakfast. Well, Nat helped. You had been told to sit at the table and let the adults do the cooking. How were you meant to learn if they didn’t let you? At least Wanda had let you help.

Wanda, as if summoned by your thoughts, had appeared then. You saw her hesitate walking into the kitchen. You knew you messed up by ignoring what happened between the two of you. You gave her a smile and patted the seat next to you hoping to alleviate the tension. Luckily for you it seemed to do the trick. You two were back to your usual selves though you both knew you would have to talk about what happened at some point.

Everyone came downstairs one by one and when breakfast was ready, you all headed into the dining room to eat together. Everyone was having their own side conversations but they all hushed down when Clint spoke up saying he decided something.

“And what did you decide?” Laura asks him. You try hard not to laugh, recognizing the same tone she gave you two days ago when you told everyone you were going to the fair. Wanda sees you try to hide your amusement and pinches your side to get you to stop. Being ticklish, you nearly squeal but hold it in. By the way Wanda’s eyes spark up, you know she noticed. You give her a warning stare and mouth “no”.

“My sweet, beautiful wife,” Clint begins sweet talking your cousin, but you’re not paying too much attention as Wanda is trying to tickle your side discreetly with one hand and you are trying hard to keep it away. Across the table, Pietro is not paying attention to Clint either, instead watching you and Wanda interact. He feels so dumb for not noticing it before, but seeing you bring out the playfulness in Wanda, which he hadn’t seen in the longest time, you could make him feel like the dullest bulb in the box and he wouldn’t complain. All three of your attention is brought back to the subject at hand when Clint says, “I’ve decided we’re going camping today!”

The kids, Peter, Sam, and you let out a cheer. You squeeze Wanda’s hand that you managed to catch in yours. You don’t feel any excitement coming from her so you turn to her. She looks discontent at the thought of camping. “Oh, come on. Don’t say you don’t like camping.”

“Pietro and I have not gone camping but the thought of bugs and sleeping on the ground does not sound appealing,” she says tentatively.

“Thank you. She gets it,” your cousin says and Nat nods her head in agreement.

“Don’t listen to the two buzzkills. They never want to do anything.” You ignore the scoff and “excuse me” they give you to instead try to convince Wanda. “I promise it’s going to be fun,” you look into her eyes, practically pleading with her. She huffs, closes her eyes, and says, “Fine.”

“Yes! What about you Pietro?” you ask her brother though you already know where one twin goes the other follows. “Yeah, let’s see what camping is about. Maybe we can share a tent,” Pietro flirts throwing a wink your way, mostly teasing to see his sister’s reaction. You ignore his last comment and start chanting “Camping! Camping!” until Peter, Cooper, and Lila chant along. You don’t notice the glare Wanda throws her brother or said brother trying to hide his smirk.

You take two cars like you had yesterday. This time you ride with Nat, Sam, Wanda, and Peter. Cooper and Lila refused to let Pietro ride in Nat’s car, wanting him to ride with them. Nat is driving with Sam sitting in the passenger seat after having called shotgun. You sat in the middle between Peter and Wanda, having offered her the window seat. The ride to the lake where you usually went camping isn’t long, only about an hour and a half away, but you find yourself falling asleep twenty minutes in when Wanda rests her head on your shoulder to take a nap.

You and Wanda wake to the car door slamming shut. You both look out the window and see you’ve arrived and it had been Nat who stepped out of the car. From the car, you can see her stretch and take in the view with a disgruntled face.

“Well someone’s excited,” Sam said sarcastically, having noticed Nat’s attitude toward this trip also. All of you in the car watch her as she sprays a ton of bug repellant on herself while grumbling, “Stupid Clint. I should be relaxing somewhere with AC. But nooo, Mr. ‘I’ve decided we’re going camping’ and Ms. ‘I promise it’s gonna be fun’ want to go camping. Fun my ass.”

You can’t help but laugh when she mocks you and Clint, and everyone in the car joins in. Nat turns to glare at all of you through the windows. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. Just don’t come crying to me when you can’t stop scratching your legs tomorrow. Now chop chop. We’ve got things to bring out.”

She leaves to help Laura out of the family car that just pulled up beside Nat’s own. She’s always so grumpy when you go camping. At the thought, a joke pops in your head that you can’t help but repeat out loud, “Yeah, she’s never really been a happy camper.”

“Did you just? Nice one!” Peter gives you a high five. Wanda and Sam shake their heads at you but you can see Wanda trying not to smile. Sam catches it and throws his head back groaning, “Bad puns? Really? I gotta start writing things down.” He pulls out his phone and goes to his notes to start a list. “Okay, confident but geeky, talk about Star Wars, bad jokes. Am I missing anything, Wanda?”

You and Peter look at her confused. You are especially intrigued to know what Wanda has to do with whatever the hell Sam is talking about when she flushes and kicks his seat. “We should go help now,” she says, opening the door and hurrying out. You follow behind asking, “What’s he talking about, Wanda?”

She ignores you. Peter reaches you and says, “I thought it was a good joke.”

Everyone helps out setting the tents, Clint wanting to get that out of the way first. No matter how much of a downer Nat can be on camping trips, you’re always glad she’s there or no tent would stand a chance holding upright. There are three sturdy tents set up a little ways away from the dock by the time you finish. Peter, the kids, the twins, and you run over to the dock in excitement, you pulling Wanda along with you. None of you are in the proper attire to jump in as Laura points out. “Hey, go put on your swim suits if you want to get in!” she shouts from where the rest are setting up everything for grilling.

You all turn back around to put on your swimwear. Best not to anger the pregnant lady. Before you can take a step forward, you feel like someone sweeps you up in their arms but it happens too fast to be sure and suddenly you are falling into the water. Everyone turns back around at the sound of you hitting the water. When your head springs from the water, you look for the culprit and see him smiling at you next to Sam. You do the only thing you can think of as revenge. You pretend to drown. “Help! I can’t-” you spit water everywhere waving your arms hysterically. You can hear footsteps running on the dock but ignore them to see Pietro’s reaction. His eyes widen and in a blink he is gone.

You hear a splash. Correction, you hear three different splashes. You knew one had to be Pietro and you’re right. He pulls you into him with one arm, saying, “I got you. I got you.”

You turn in his arm and say, “No, I got you.” He looks confused and you take the opportunity to wriggle loose and dunk his head in the water. The second and third splashes had come from Peter and Wanda, you note, when you hear them behind you say, “Y/N!” and “Are you okay?” You can’t answer because the sight of Pietro coming back up spluttering has you cracking up.

“I thought you couldn’t swim,” Peter says. This time you do answer, “I told you guys, I was learning on the job.”

Peter starts laughing then, swimming towards Pietro, who took it easy laughing as well. “She got you so good. You should have seen your face,” Peter chuckles. You grin, but that smile falls when you look at Wanda and find her glaring at you.The joy on your face morphs into confusion. You ask, “What’s wrong?”

“That wasn’t funny, Y/N.” She leaves you there with your mouth agape and heads to the shore without another word, swimming past Peter and Pietro who are basically water fighting. You float there for a second wondering what just happened. You don’t know what to do but you think you have to fix it somehow.

You swim after her. Pietro and Peter stop splashing water at each other, turning their bodies to look at you as you pass by them now able to touch the ground with your feet. Pietro teases, “Oooh, someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight.”

You wanted to point out that you have been sleeping on the couch the whole week and that technically you’ll be sleeping in a tent tonight. Instead you splash some water at him behind you and try to walk faster against the water to catch Wanda. When you are close enough, you reach out and pull on her wrist to get her to stop walking. You walk around her to stand face to face. She pulls her arm free from your hold and crosses her arms in front of her body looking everywhere but at you. You see her clenching her jaw in irritation and if you’re honest with yourself, you find this angry Wanda pretty attractive, but you remember she’s mad at you and you focus on the matter at hand.

Unbeknownst to you both, everyone’s watching. “Oh, she’s mad mad. Let’s see Y/N try to joke her way out of this one,” Sam says chuckling. Clint and Nat turn to him, Nat smirking and Clint chuckling. Laura is preoccupied putting sunscreen on the kids to be aware of what is going on.

“Oh, come on. Sure, Y/N is smooth but I know Wanda, and that girl is stubborn as hell,” Sam says confidently, remembering the time Wanda had not spoken to her brother for three days because he went to a party with some of the guys forgetting he was supposed to go to the movies with her.

“Want to bet?” Clint says.

“20, easy.” Sam shakes Clint’s hand. Off in the water, Peter and Pietro are having a similar conversation. Peter asks if Wanda is actually mad. Peter doesn’t live on the compound and has not had much interaction with Wanda, so it makes sense to Pietro why he would ask. Pietro laughs, “Oh, yes. One time I forgot to go to the movies with her and she did not speak with me for days. She has the same face now.”

You don’t really have a plan here, so you start the way you always do, using humor. “Wanda, are you actually mad? Am I in hot … water?” you flick some water for effect. She doesn’t find it amusing. She scoffs at you, but at least she’s looking at you now. “The water’s cold and jokes won’t get you out of this one.”

“We’ll just have to sea about that,” you try again. You didn’t think she could look more peeved, but look at you making the impossible happen. She says, “It’s a lake,” unamused, and she moves to go around you. So humor is a no go in this situation.

“What did I tell you,” Sam boasts, seeing Wanda look more irritated. “Easiest 20 dollars, I made.”

“Just wait,” Clint says. Laura goes to sit beside him and asks, “What’s happening?”

“Wanda is mad at Y/N. Sam bet Clint 20 dollars that Wanda will stay mad at her,” Nat explains. Suddenly, Sam doesn’t feel so confident when Laura shakes her head at him like he just got played and says, “Oh, Sam.”

“Okay, wait, wait, wait.” You step to the side making sure Wanda doesn’t leave. “I’m sorry. It was just a dumb way to get back at Pietro. I didn’t mean to upset you or freak you out,” you say, pulling her arms apart from where they are still crossed. “The last thing I want to do is make you mad or sad or any of the -ad’s.” You see her tense shoulders loosen up so you add, “You already know how I feel about Brads.”

You know you made the right choice when you hear her giggle at your last comment. You smile and tug on her arm. “So are we good? Or do I have to pull out the famous puppy dog eyes?” you jest and she gives you a real laugh when you actually go for the puppy dog eyes along with a pout. She shoves you playfully and you nearly stumble backwards but you hold onto her arms and pull yourself forward. In consequence you end up closer to each other and Wanda takes the opportunity to pull you into a hug.

“Just don’t do it again,” Wanda says. You wrap your arms around her waist, welcoming in her hug. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Now let’s go swimming,” you say quickly. She barely catches what you say before you pick her up and take off back in Peter and Pietro’s direction, Wanda laughing the whole way.

“What the hell was that?” Sam refuses to believe what he just saw.

“Easiest 20 dollars I ever made,” Clint chuckles.

“No, see she’s gotta have some kind of persuasion powers or something. Why isn’t that girl on the team? We could just give her a microphone before we go fight and have her convince the bad dudes to turn themselves in,” Sam says as he reluctantly takes out a twenty dollar bill and gives it to Clint.

Pietro is very much on the same boat as Sam. He decides he needs to learn your secrets. Peter says, “Maybe the movie she wanted to watch was really good?”

You have your fun in the water, especially when the kids and Sam join you deciding they want to play chicken fight. Cooper goes against Lila and despite her being younger and smaller, she manages to push Cooper off Sam’s shoulder. Pietro holds Sam up as he goes against Peter. Sam cheers when Peter falls backwards into the water. Most would be surprised by the win but it was mostly your fault, not having a good stance when trying to hold Peter on your shoulders.

You go to fight against Wanda next; she takes Sam’s place on Pietro’s shoulders and you sit on Sam’s shoulders. Cooper and Lila count down and when they yell go, you and Wanda are pushing each other’s shoulders. Wanda removes a hand from your shoulder and reaches for your stomach, but you catch her arm quickly. “Not today. You’re going down, Maximoff!”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that-” Wanda begins but doesn’t finish. You can feel her grip loosen on your shoulder when she gives you a look of befuddlement. “Actually, I don’t know your last name.” You smirk, taking this as your opportunity, and say, “Good. Now you can see how I felt.” Then you push her shoulder and she loses her balance. You can smell the victory, but the smell wafts away when you see what looks like a red mist coming from her and hurling towards you. You are practically flung from Sam’s shoulder into the water.

You resurface, spluttering water. You look around for the person of interest and head towards her when she gets up beside Pietro. “You cheated!” you yell. You’re not actually mad but you are a sore loser. She sees you coming toward her and Wanda can’t help but laugh at how silly you look trying to stomp over to her intimidatingly when you are moving so slowly against the water. “I thought you and I had agreed on no powers.”

“No, you said no more mind reading,” she corrects you with a pleased smile on her face.

“Well new rule, no powers in general and wipe that grin off your face, no one likes a smart-ass,” you huff. She replies whilst giving your cheek a poke, “Then wipe that pout off your face. No one likes a sore loser.” You shake your head to get her finger off your face, making her laugh again.

Pietro challenges Wanda next and before either of them have a chance to decide who will be carrying them, you dive under Wanda and between her legs, making her yelp in surprise as you lift her up on your shoulders. You hold on tight to her thighs and then reach for her arms to keep her steady. She giggles when she looks down not able to see you behind all the hair in your face. She helps you out and pulls your hair back out of your face. You look up at her, who keeps her hands on your head, and smile in thanks.

You look at Wanda’s opponent. Pietro, who is situated on Sam’s shoulders, is already looking at you like he’s thinking something over. Then he looks above you at Wanda and challenges, “If I win, you have to tell me what Y/N said to not make you angry anymore.”

Sam under him adds, “Yeah, I wanna know why I lost 20 dollars!” You give him a look of bewilderment. Wanda thinks it over and decides, “Okay, but if I win, Sam has to stop trying to be geeky like Y/N and Peter.” You pinch her thigh and Peter shouts “Hey!” at being called geeky. She ignores the two of you, continuing, “And you have to stop flirting with Y/N.”

“Why? Are you jealous, Wanda?” her brother baits her. Your ears perk up awaiting her response.

“No, you’re just annoying,” Wanda says trying to sound nonchalant, but Pietro knows her well. He continues badgering, “Well, what if Y/N likes it?”

You decide to partake in his teasing her and add, “Yeah, Wanda. What if I like it?” You look up at her with a cheeky smile and find her already looking down at you with an eyebrow raised and her tongue poking at her cheek, a look you feel says “you don’t want to test me”. Gut feelings shouldn’t be ignored, you think, so you look back to Pietro, “Sorry, I guess I don’t like it.” You follow with a dramatic whisper, “Totally jealous.” She tugs your hair in retaliation for your comment.

“So, is it a deal or not, ‘cause my shoulders are starting to hurt,” Sam says. The twins agree and you are thankful Sam got the ball rolling because you didn’t know how much longer you could hold up Wanda. Peter counts down this time. It’s over in less than 3 seconds. It seems Wanda likes to cheat. Everyone sees the red mist fading after Pietro falls into the water.

“That’s not fair. You used your powers. That’s cheating,” Pietro says when he comes back up and Sam nodding in agreement while Wanda defends herself saying they never said they couldn’t use powers. You tell Wanda to take a breath and close her nose and then fall backwards to get her off your shoulders. Another few minutes of swimming pass by before Clint yells for all of you to get out and go eat. You all head to the little cabin that has the restrooms and showers. Laura meets you there with towels. Those of you that jumped in the lake enter the showers with clothes and all to wash away the lake water and then head outside to rinse off.

Clint watches you hand your towel to Wanda for her to dry off first. You say something that makes Wanda let out a resonant laugh and in turn makes you smile vibrantly. He’s only ever seen you look at someone like that once. He grimaces at how that turned out. And Wanda he’s actually never seen act like this, so jubilant and lively, playfully rolling her eyes and pushing you away after you make a stupid joke. It brings a smile to his face despite the voice in the back of his head saying this can’t end well.

As everyone eats, they unintentionally group off to have different conversations. Clint, Sam, and Peter stand by the mini grill, Laura and Nat sit in some camping chairs complaining about the bugs, the kids are drawing things on the ground with a stick they found, and you, Wanda, and Pietro are sitting on other camping chairs.

Pietro and Wanda tell you stories of when they were children, both their eyes seem to almost glaze over as they reminisce on fond memories. Though their storytelling styles differ, Pietro with his animated gestures and Wanda with her attention for detail, they both have you captivated. You offer them a few stories of your own childhood, including the ones you found embarrassing like the three different times you called one teacher “mom” and the time you walked straight into a pole talking to your crush in middle school.

“So you weren’t always so smooth as I hear you are,” Wanda comments through her laughter.

“Nope, this awesome personality took years in the making,” you joke, making Wanda shake her head at you. Pietro comments, “Yeah, not everyone can be born with it like I was.”

Wanda laughs at this, which offends Pietro and soon the twins are bickering much to your amusement. Wanda recounts times Pietro was very much not so smooth with the ladies including things he’s done that caused certain girlfriends to leave him, Pietro obviously having excuses as to why something happened. He fires his shot at her when he tells her she can’t begin to talk about relationships when she’s only had one and it was 3D printed.

You tune them out after this due to shock and confusion. You’re shocked that Wanda’s only ever dated one person. You never really thought to ask about her exes because you thought it might bring up some bad memories knowing she had just gone through a breakup not so long ago. So you also find it shocking that she was so brazenly forward about wanting to try something with you if she doesn’t date like her brother does-like you do which you don’t even consider dating. You kind of want to smile thinking about it. You just know that she has people left and right who would kill for a chance to be with her, but she likes you. You are trying hard not to let it go to your head but can already feel your ego growing in size. The confusion comes from the 3D printed comment. You’ll have to ask about that later.

“-ask Y/N.” You bring your attention back to the conversation when hearing your name.

“She doesn’t do relationships. She’s too busy playing the game and winning,” Sam chuckles standing between the twins’ chairs. You hadn’t even noticed when he joined you three. You don’t know where they were in the conversation and don’t want to explain what you were thinking about if you ask them to repeat the question because you were distracted, so you decide to go along with Sam. You fake a laugh and say, “Yeah, tried it once and it wasn’t for me.”

“You? In a relationship?” You nod at both of Pietro’s questions. “With who?”

“Her name’s Skye and no, she doesn’t live here so don’t try going around town asking about her. I may not have known you for long, but I can just tell you’re both nosy.” You point at Pietro and Sam.

“Then don’t leave us wondering. What happened?” Sam asks. From the look in his eye, you know he won’t let it go. You don’t feel like recounting the details of how you were falling for someone who left you saying they couldn’t do relationships because they were distracting her from trying to do something important. It was a blow to the gut then; you’re sure your face would show it. You don’t want to be a drag.

“Nothing exciting. She told me relationships weren’t for her at the time,” you say nonchalantly, shrugging your shoulders like it doesn’t still hurt to think about.

“So you decided relationships weren’t for you,” Wanda speaks up, her stare hard on your profile like she’s trying to figure you out. You think she reads you too well already, there can’t be anything you hide that she won’t find.

“If you can’t beat them, join them,” you say, trying to look unfazed by it all. It seems to work because the guys move on, Sam joking saying that was the reason you partnered with Wanda after you lost the chicken fight. Wanda, however, is still staring at you, trying to decipher your words. You try not to focus on that. The guys laugh when you say that technically you won because Wanda cheated using her powers.

“So it is cheating! If you say you won, that means Sam and I won, so Sam can try to be geeky and I can flirt with you and you have to tell us how Wanda’s mood changed so fast,” Pietro says matter-of-factly. Now this gets Wanda to quit staring at you. Instead she turns her head to Pietro to give him a glare when he mentions flirting with you. You don’t know too much about Wanda’s powers but you would not be surprised if one was killing someone with a look; Pietro would be pulverized from being on the receiving end of her glare and you from how attractive you found it.

But now is not the time. As much as it hurts your ego that has now flown through the roof, you reach your foot over to loop your ankle around Wanda and say to Pietro, “Okay, then I didn’t win. It was a draw.” Wanda turns her attention back over to you when she feels your ankle against hers.

“Oh, come on! Just tell us how you did it,” Sam says.

“Guess she just likes me more than you two,” you offer with a cheeky smile. You miss Wanda blushing when Sam says, “That’s for sure.” You didn’t even catch that because the smell of marshmallows roasting called you. You look over Sam’s shoulder and see Clint helping Cooper and Lila make a s’more. You notice Peter talking to Nat and Laura sitting around a small makeshift fire pit starting to poke marshmallows on the ends of some steel sticks Clint must have bought. “Um, what the hell, guys? Was no one going to call us for s’mores?” you yell more so towards your cousin.

Everyone turns to look at you but your group who look over to see the reason you were yelling. Your cousin gives you a well-job-done look when Lila says, “Ooo, Y/N said a bad word.” As your group heads over to the rest, you give your cousin your don’t-worry-I’ll-fix-it look you’ve given her countless times and tell Lila, “Yes, I did but you can’t. Not until you’re ten.”

“Y/N!” Both Clint and Laura yell while Nat actually tries to fix it and says, “Y/N was just being funny. Don’t listen to her.”

“But you say Y/N is never funny,” Cooper chimes in. Everyone stifles a laugh when you scoff. “That’s because your Aunt Nat wouldn’t know a joke if it bit her in the ass,” you say the last part directly looking at her. You hear Clint say something like “not this again” while most are saying “oooh” including the kids but they say it to point out you said another bad word.

“I don’t know about that one. Why don’t you bite mine and I’ll tell you?” Nat comes back at you and so do the oohs from everyone and a bonus “burn” from Sam. You reply, “No, thank you. Wouldn’t want to accidentally bite into the stick stuck up there.”

“DAMN!” Sam says and before Nat could respond from what you’re sure would be what ends you tonight, your cousin cuts in. “Enough! I thought I would be raising 3 children. I didn’t sign up for 5. Lila, don’t listen to Y/N about the bad words and if she and Aunt Nat keep arguing,” your cousin threatens, “neither will be having s’mores.”

Both your and Nat’s eyes go wide at that. One thing you and she will never argue about is how s’mores are one of the greatest contributions the US has given the world in terms of culinary delicacies.

“That got them quiet very fast. How good can s’mores be?” Pietro asks. You and Nat gasp so dramatically one would think Pietro insulted your mothers. “You’ve never had a s’more?” you ask both him and Wanda who shake their heads.

“Why was I never made aware of this?” Nat reprimands them as if it’s the twins’ fault they’ve never had s’mores. “Someone get these two a stick and some marshmallows ASAP,” Nat snaps, and you fetch four sticks and the bag of marshmallows, handing Nat, Pietro, and Wanda a stick each.

“Prepare to have your mind blown,” you say dramatically. Wanda finds your passion for s’mores adorable. She gives you a smile in thanks when you stick two marshmallows at the end of her stick. Pietro is excited to try s’mores after you and Nat having raved about them; he can’t help but wiggle the stick back and forth while you are trying to put some marshmallows on it. You and Nat are helping the twins make their first s’mores when Wanda asks, “Why don’t Lila and Cooper call you Aunt Y/N?”

“Because children recognize children,” Nat jests, but your cousin says her name as a warning anyway in case you two started up again. You call over Lila and Cooper for them to answer the question for you. Together they recite verbatim what you had told them to say when someone asked. “Aunt is for when you are old, boring, or married and Y/N is young, cool, and single.” You mouth along and give them a proud smile after.

“Exactly! Thank you, critters.” You give each a high five and they run back to their dad. Wanda looks impressed as do the rest. Nat, on the other hand, looks ready to argue again. “Excuse me, so which of the three am I, huh?”

“Well, you’re not married yet, so you take your pick between the other two choices.” Your eyes shimmer in merriment when she says nothing, opting to glare at you. Sam laughs and asks, “How long did it take them to remember that?”

“A whole summer two years ago. I told them I’d buy 4 pints of ice cream to whoever memorizes it first,” you explain. Everyone enjoys their s’mores, Pietro eating too many for his own good, as the sun disappears below the horizon. It’s not too long before Nat starts complaining about the bugs again. She’s cut off by her phone ringing. She stands off to the side to take the call. You joke around with Wanda saying it’s Bruce calling and you play out the conversation you think they’re having. Wanda laughs at your terrible attempt to mimic Nat and Bruce’s voices.

Nat comes back with news. “So, Rodgers can’t pick us up this weekend. He was called on a mission and had to take the jet, but Tony arranged for two agents named Bobby and Daisy to pick us up in 5 days.”

“You’re staying longer?” Lila asks and when Nat nods, she runs to hug Pietro cheering. You and Wanda look at each other after the news, both trying to see the other’s reaction. You give each other a shy smile. Wanda is happy to have more time with you. She was not ready to leave so soon not knowing when she would be able to see you next. You didn’t really know how you felt. You’re suddenly aware of your heart pounding aggressively against your chest. You were dreading your time with Wanda coming to a close but you were also somewhat prepared to hang on until the weekend without messing anything up. Hearing she’s staying for longer is a relief but you are not sure how long you can go without breaking and kissing her again, getting both your hopes up only for it to all come crashing down when she inevitably leaves.

Nat interrupts your internal turmoil by ways of complaining again about the bugs. “Okay, this is not gonna happen. Clint, let me see your keys.” Clint tosses her his car keys. She pulls the house key from the key ring and tosses the car keys back to Clint. “Cool, see you all at the house tomorrow. Whoever wants to sleep on an actual bed and not in this AC-less mosquito infested site, you are welcome to tag along.”

Laura stands up way too quickly for someone who is pregnant and says she’s going with Nat. Lila tags along, apparently not wanting to sleep here without her mom. “What a baby,” you say shaking your head as you watch Nat’s car’s lights disappear.

“Well at least now you’ll have more privacy in the tent,” Sam says, smirking at you and Wanda pointing out that you’ll be alone with Wanda in the tent, which you hadn’t put together until this moment. If your heart wasn’t beating like a drum before, it sure is trying to beat out of your chest now. You gulp at his insinuation. Maybe it isn’t too late to run after the car.

“Ew, I don’t want to hear anything,” Pietro says, Sam and surprisingly Clint agreeing by nodding their heads. Wanda rolls her eyes at him and Peter on the hand is blushing, trying not to look at you or Wanda like he’s already seen something. You’re suddenly aware that all of them are heading to their tents. The fire had been put out and all the leftover food had been put away sometime while you were watching Nat’s group drive away. Pietro and Peter share one tent and Sam, Clint, and Cooper another.

Wanda stands and looks down at you expectantly. You see she’s holding the lantern Lila always uses cause it’s in her favorite color of blue. “Do you plan to sleep outside?”

You roll your eyes and stand up to follow Wanda into your tent. There are three sleeping bags rolled out in front of you. “Guess we won’t be needing one of those,” Wanda comments behind you. The comment itself should make you nervous but what actually does it is the sound of her zipping the entrance closed. You gulp and can only let out a simple, “Mhm.”

If that alone had you acting this way, you didn’t want to find out what actually looking her way would do to you, so you quickly move, back hunching, to the back pack you brought. You kneel to comfortably search it. You gave her a better answer, clearing your throat. “Actually, Nat was right about the hard ground. You could use it as a double layer.”

“Or we could share it?” Wanda suggests. You stop digging in the bag as your breath catches. You reply, your voice an octave higher, “No, that-that’s okay.” You clear your throat when you notice your pitch and hope Wanda hadn’t. “I’m used to it, but I wouldn’t want to give you a bad impression of camping.” Wanda had. You are back to searching your bag for the sweats you had brought to sleep in.

Wanda notices you seem a little tense, having dug around that bag for awhile. She walks up to you and places a hand on your shoulder. Your body stiffens like a board under her hand. She has to ask, “Are you nervous?”

“Nervous? Pft, why would I be nervous?” You finally find your damn sweats. “I’ve done this a million times.” You are quick to change the subject when the only clothes apart from Nat’s you find beside your sweats are some pyjama shorts and a tank top. “Is this all you brought to sleep in?”

“I didn’t think we were going to be camping when I packed,” Wanda replies to your inquiry but she still has questions of her own she’d like answered. For example, why are you so nervous and what did the kiss yesterday mean for you two. “Y/N, we need to talk.”

“Luckily, Nat left her stuff so you can wear her clothes. Here.” You hand Wanda Nat’s sleepwear. She can obviously tell you were avoiding the conversation. “You can change. I’ll face the other way.” You turn around and change into your sweats. You would have to leave your top on not having planned for it to have gotten wet. You try not to let the sound of Wanda’s quick intake of breath make you blush knowing you didn’t give her any warning. You try really hard not to guess what Wanda is doing based on the sounds you’re hearing when you think she begins changing but your mind tends to wander especially when it comes to the girl behind you.

“I don’t see why you have to turn around. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of women undress.” The sound of clothes falling to the ground makes you gulp. You are never so nervous and it’s killing you. You try your hardest to find something funny to say but come up empty. Wanda is still waiting on a response, so you say facing a tent wall, “None of those women are you.”

Your words spark something in each of your heads- a decision. You decide to take a chance with Wanda because you do believe it in your heart. Wanda is not like any of the other women including Skye. Even though she has to leave in five days, you can make it work. Wanda, however, is reminded of how she isn’t like other women. She is reminded of what Nat had said before. She decides maybe Vision was right.

As much as you wish you could avoid a serious talk, you know you owe it to her. They do say the secret to a good relationship is open communication. The term relationship usually makes you want to run for the hills but when you think of it tied to Wanda, a flutter tickles your stomach. It’s a feeling you never thought you would welcome again and you have to suppress a smile.

“Okay, you can turn around now,” Wanda says. She notices you hiding a smile and she’s wondering what brought it on. Wanda watches you move Nat’s sleeping bag under the one meant for her and then settle into your own. Your kind consideration makes her smile weakly, thinking of all the things she’ll miss such as you opening doors for her or letting her have your blanket and remain sitting still for the sake of her comfort. You stare up at Wanda who you see is lost in thought but staring in your direction and finally manage to act like yourself. “I’m sure the view is nice from there, but I can assure you I look good from all angles,” you joke and pat her sleeping bag beside you.

The sound of your hand patting her sleeping bag brings her out of her head and when she processes what you said, she rolls her eyes at you. She grabs the lantern, setting it a little aways from both of you once she gets into her sleeping bag. Both of you turn onto your sides placing your hands under your heads to face one another. You stare at each other for a while before a question pops up in your head. You ask, “What did Pietro mean by 3D printed?”

“Sorry?” Wanda looks confused so you clarify. “When you and your brother were arguing, he said your last relationship was 3D printed.” A light bulb goes off in her head, now knowing you were referring to Vision. “That was just Pietro being a jerk,” Wanda says and then she goes on to explain her relationship with this synthetic being to you. You try really hard not to let the fact that this ex-boyfriend of hers quite literally has a connection to her because how were you supposed to compare to that.

You shake that off and scrape every corner of your mind for any trace of confidence and gather that to work up the nerve to say, “Off topic, or maybe on topic, but I feel like we need to talk about yesterday on the ferris wheel.”

Wanda sees you struggle trying to start a serious conversation. Trying not to have you freak out, as Natasha had implied would practically be impossible, Wanda meets you in the middle. She tries a bit of humor, something you are more comfortable with. “You mean our friendly date?” She adds in a chuckle so you would know she is kidding with you.

You smile, appreciating her trying to make it easier on you to talk to her. If she’s trying for you, you can try for her, you think. You sober up and a more serious expression falls upon your face. You want Wanda to know you mean everything you are about to say next. Wanda, however, misreads the intent behind your expression. What she sees is you finding the words to let her down slowly again. You had said relationships weren’t for you and talk of past flings proved that, so she took a page out of your book- if you can’t beat them, join them. She can play nonchalant too.

“Yeah, about that. I’m sorry I acted so weird after, like it didn’t happen. The truth is I tried to ignore it, but I can’t because it’s constantly replaying in my head. All I can think about is doing it again and I know I said we could only be friends, but-”

“You were right.” Wanda cuts you off early. “What?” you ask thoroughly confused. She continues, “When you said we should just be friends, you were right. It was silly of me to even suggest anything. I mean I’m leaving in five days, so what is the point right?” Wanda reasons with you and as you are about to rebut to say you can make it work, she continues, “I mean I’m probably not in the right headspace to start anything serious. Vision just broke up with me like a month ago.”

You are starting to feel like you were gathering up courage for no reason, Wanda not letting you speak and stepping on every butterfly that had flapped its wings in your stomach with every word she says. “I came here to take my mind off of it and like magic, you appeared at the door- the perfect distraction.”

That is the blow to the gut you thought you could forget. You thought Clint was the one with perfect aim but Wanda impresses you with her accuracy, choosing the exact word that kills the last bit of hope left in you. On her side of things, Wanda thinks she is doing the right thing even though it kills her to push aside her feelings. Wanda thinks she is sparing you from having to turn her down again and sparing her feelings from having to hear you reject her once more.

“So don’t worry about the fair. I can definitely say I was not thinking about Vision on the ferris wheel. You are most welcome to do it again anytime.” Wanda forces out a laugh. You didn’t think the sound that would always make you smile would ever make you want to cry. No, you were not going to cry about a girl, especially in front of said girl no less.

You are angry with yourself. Angry for being so silly as to think this wouldn’t happen. You really played yourself here believing she would be nothing like Skye. It’s not Wanda’s fault. You know this. Still, you can’t help but place some blame on her, her and her stunning smile and her witty remarks and her gorgeous hair and her soft hands that would hold yours or playfully punch you when you joke around. You are angry and upset, and there are normal ways to deal with those emotions. You could yell, you could cry, you could mope and eat all the ice cream you wish, you could even, god forbid, go for a run, but all of those options are too rational for someone with impulsive tendencies.

Instead, you blink away the tears that were forming, from anger or sadness you don’t know, and move exceptionally closer to Wanda reaching out to run your fingers through her hair. Her breath catches as she watches your eyes take in every inch of her face with a look she can’t quite place. Her heartbeat paces quickly when she catches your eyes glancing down to her lips and then coming back up to peer into her eyes.

“Friends kiss friends all the time, right?”

You hardly give Wanda any time to nod before you crash your lips onto hers. This time you give her time to respond and the second you feel her kissing you back, you push her to lie on her back.

If a distraction is what she wants, you’ll show her just how distracting you can be.

______________________________________________________________________

One eternity later... je suis retournée! Thank you kind person who asked about me. I’ve been busy with school stuff but I’m done and graduating in two days so I finally have time to get back to this. So next update will probably be Sunday or Monday. Two more chapters left.

Next chapter: ;) (aka writer struggles to describe things having no experience of doing such things)

Taglist: @madamevirgo @marvels-writings @gayarchnemissis @myperfectlovepoem @purplemeetsblue @magicallymaximoff @b0mbdotc0m @helloalycia @ironscarletwidowsoilder @cantcontroltheirfear @trikruismybitch @your-my-mission @imagine-reblog @fayhar @idek-5 @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo @bemyvitamin

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x you

560 notes · View notes

many-but-one · 3 years ago

Text

Y’all I am blurry. Blurry as fuck. I’ve got a trauma holder near front and it’s not going good. I have already caught them mid-post and luckily deleted it before it was posted, but apologies in advance if something gets out in the night. Night time is very hard for us and a LOT of new things have come out over the last couple weeks which is just making it all the worse. If I start posting triggering stuff, please ignore, don’t report. Really don’t wanna lose our account. Whoever wakes up in the AM will see it and fix it. I am going to be putting my phone away for the night, but that doesn’t guarantee anything at all. I’m only making this just in case because this part is EXTREMELY upset and wanting to vent but it’s not safe to do so in the manner they want.

-idk who I am, mixture of a lot of parts rn.

#blurry posts #vent

10 notes · View notes

shihalyfie · 4 years ago

Text

What went down with the DigiFes situation, from the community and translator perspective

I think the events of the last few days have gotten everyone in a huge fuss, and because everything got caught up in a lot of chaotic social media stuff, there’s been a lot of questions about what came from what and who knew what at what time. Fortunately, I happen to be:

Someone who’s a veteran in this fanbase and thus has a small handful of friends in this community, who also have their own friends

Someone who understands a little Japanese (although not as much as others in this community do) and therefore can read things in Japanese myself to some degree without needing someone else to translate it for me

So hopefully I can shed some light on what kinds of things were being discussed, and what was known and not known at what time in this fanbase with all of this.

The most important thing I want to establish is that there was no organized coalition or smear campaign. (Kind of ironic I have to say this when the topic at hand has so much to do with conspiracy theories.) I’m a veteran, I know friends who are veterans, they know other friends who are veterans but don’t know me at all. My friends usually agree with and like the same things I do, and I give them advice and assistance with my skillset when I can, and they return the favor. We pass things along through the grapevine, not through some super-secret club grapevine, just via the nature of social relationships and some Discord servers (multiple; again, not everyone knows each other). So these are my impressions of what happened, based on said grapevine.

How it all started

Konaka’s blog is long. Like, really long. Which is only natural, because he was recapping basically the entire 51 episodes of Tamers in excruciating detail, so no translator in this fanbase would be able to translate all of that and not lose their mind! So for the most part people who couldn’t read Japanese had pretty much given up on reading it (with maybe a few dedicated people using machine translation), and some people who understood Japanese would point out parts they found interesting, but for all intents and purposes it remained untranslated and not super-accessible to the mainstream. (Even the Japanese fanbase itself wasn’t super aware of the blog’s existence.)

So when that first post in May about 9/11 dropped, the people who did read Japanese started going “uh...”

At the time, the DigiFes stage reading hadn't been announced yet. So, in other words, everyone reading it only knew it as, functionally, him namedropping an alt-right YouTuber and praising his observations. The reaction from anyone reading the blog at the time was something along the lines of “disappointed and mildly concerned.” (Note the mildly.)

The posts in June about the Great Reset and the anti-vaccine sentiment were when people keeping an eye on the situation started to get really worried about how far this was going to escalate. At this point, I want to make something clear that may not be apparent to those who weren’t keeping up or who are outside the fanbase: Most of the translators and Japanese-reading people deliberately chose not to be too public about this at this time.

Why?

This is the irony surrounding the fact that said translators are now being accused of trying to further “cancel culture”: cancellation was absolutely not what anyone wanted back then! If anyone wanted to create a smear campaign, 9/11 conspiracies, the Great Reset, and anti-vaccine statements are already more than enough to make a starting case. But at the time, this was a blog that very few people (Japanese or otherwise) knew about, translating it would basically just boost its platform more than it would have had in the first place (which would be counterproductive), and -- well, let’s be real, it’s not hard to imagine that people might get reactionary over it, and people would go nuts. Was there any real benefit that would come out of that? Not really, no.

So at the most, those keeping an eye on it might have vented a bit on their personal accounts, but some even tried to self-censor with “[redacted]” or vagueposting, because this was a matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. Thus, there were “mild rumors through the grapevine” about what was going on, but those who knew were trying to hold back with restraint and mostly inform people quietly in the hopes of this not needing to become some kind of huge social media campaign.

(Also, to be a bit blunt about it, it’s really hard to be in front of someone who loves Tamers and is gushing about it and showing admiration for Konaka, knowing all of this and wanting to say something, but feeling like a jerk if you pop their bubble like “also, he’s probably an alt-right conspiracy theorist now.” Not to say that the ignorance-is-bliss concept is always a good thing, but...)

But since the blog posts in question were discussing the prospect of having his sentiments in fiction, everyone reading them was on edge anticipating what might be in store for DigiFes. The hope was that it might blow over. Hopefully, everything would be in the form of subtle themes with plausible deniability, it would all stay within the realm of “it’s not worth causing a fuss over this,” that would be the end of it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

Unfortunately, “Political Correctness is activating Cancel Culture” isn’t exactly subtle.

DigiFes and the aftermath

I think it’s too easy to assign too much responsibility to the fansub group that was indirectly responsible for breaking the news for all of this, but actually, the truth is, this would have gotten out anyway.

Even when the stream itself was going on, there were Japanese livebloggers, and there were also English speakers who caught on that something was happening with “the Tamers fighting political correctness”. Some hours later, an upload of the stream went live on YouTube, and quite a few people started watching it and caught onto what was going on. If the fansub group that released the now-infamous version hadn’t done it, I’m absolutely certain someone else would have eventually (perhaps in a different language first, but nevertheless). And even before then, information about what the hell was going on was already starting to circulate in broken and incomplete forms. That fansub solidified what was going on, and perhaps accelerated the moment the bomb dropped on everyone, but if it hadn’t been there, it would have happened much more gradually and chaotically.

On top of that, while the use of Western alt-right rhetoric (seriously, please do not try to bring the “injecting Western politics into Japanese media” argument here when all of us are asking him to take the Western politics out) meant that it went over most of the Japanese audience’s heads (hence your answer to “who approved this?”), there was at least one Japanese person who was politically savvy enough to call it out for what it was in disgust. (I’m not linking them here because I’m not dumb enough to fling them in a place where some of you trigger-happy people will go after them.) They didn’t even need to be super in-tune with Western politics to get it; they understood enough to tell that there were some pretty alarming extremist views in there. If they understood that much, it was naturally going to follow that the Western side was definitely going to become aware one way or another.

Even all that aside, at the very least, said fansub is accurate; imagine how much worse this situation would have been if someone else had taken it up and confused things further with a misleading translation, or, worse, deliberately messed with the contents. Basically, this debacle could have easily been a lot worse.

I don’t think anyone expected this to get as big as it did (as in, to the point mainstream anime reporters outside the fanbase picked up on it). There was a similar tri. reading back in 2016, but even a lot of the hardcore fanbase barely remembers it exists! These aren’t even supposed to be canon, either! But when you have that disclaimer at the front, and the contents are really like that, it was probably inevitable for it to become a social media sensation. I mean the contents...sure are a thing.

One thing I should point out about the disclaimer is that it only mentions the program itself. It doesn’t bring up the blog, and it doesn’t bring up who wrote this scenario, just the fact that the program contains alt-right rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Because it does! It’s not even technically praising or condemning the content within, it just says “we don’t agree with it”! What the group did condemn was...approaching staff about it (and especially starting a fight). Because, in the end, that’s what the disclaimer was for: a heads-up about what was in there, and an added reminder that the people translating this are just translating it for the sake of informational purposes. Or, in other words:

It was a content warning. Even without the disclaimer, there were many, many people who would have recognized the contents for what they were and been caught by it unawares, and become upset by it. There were many people who said that they were glad to have that there because it at least gave them some time to mentally prepare for what they were about to be slapped with!

It really, really was a disclaimer. When you have something that level of extremely politically charged stuff, it’s only natural to start suspecting that the translation group had an agenda (official translations tend to get this a lot when content is remotely political). But no, the translation group did their due diligence, even if their opinions were starkly opposed to what was in there.

I was not personally involved in that translation, but I’ll give you this (copy-pasted with permission, from someone who wasn’t technically involved directly in it but was privy to discussions while it was being done):

no we brought up all of those questions like the fact that Yamaki's clearly off his rocker and this isn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place or that maybe if we're lucky he'll just sound like a fake woke boomer but no matter how you slice it the plot is about him "convincing" the unbelieving Takato and co. into rallying up against the true enemy of Political Correctness and that's just literally the alt-right playbook in a nutshell

the thing even made it to YouTube, we were basically racing against the clock

I mean I really want to say this is plausible deniability but I don’t know how you can get any less subtle than this, this is not something you can mince words

like I really wish we could pass this off as “as long as you don’t know the blog you can take this innocently as political commentary or something” but I honestly don’t think this is something you can take innocently even without context

tbh the Political Correctness part is the most cringeworthy but Yamaki’s rant about fact checkers being evil and all that is probably a lot more worrying when you think about it

tbh I’ve never felt as conflicted about what’s the right thing to do as I do now

So in other words, it was not a reckless decision to just tack on a political label; it was done after a lot of consideration about the consequences to put the label on and what people would think of it with or without context, whether there might be a glimmer of light possibility to try and pass this off as more innocuous as it was, and eventually a determination that, in the end, there was indeed alt-right rhetoric in the program, and should be labeled accordingly.

The result was that, of course, everything broke out on social media, chaos burst out, a lot of hearts were unfortunately broken, and a lot of alt-righters started invading spaces accusing people of proving him right with cancel culture. Ironically, my personal observation is that, while there were exceptions, most people in the actual fanbase did honor the requests to not harass people about it, and this may actually be the most solidarity I’ve ever seen from the Digimon fanbase in my life, which is saying a lot considering how we usually tend to be a drama magnet most of the time. The ones who were actually directly messaging him were his newfound supporters locking down on offering him “support against people trying to cancel him” (I think they were more heartbroken and upset at him than anything...), and most of the harassment came from alt-righters not even in the fanbase, namesearching and sending harassing, accusatory messages to anyone involved for as much as expressing mild dismay. (You want to talk about harassment and being attacked for having an opinion? Pot, meet kettle.)

This leads us back to the question of the blog: if you’ll remember, I just said that the fansub in question did not bring it up at all. That’s because, at the beginning, there was no intention to bring it up if it wasn’t necessary; this was not intended as a smear campaign. The warning was attached to the DigiFes program because it was about the DigiFes program. But the resulting chaos had a lot of people bring up the blog because it better contextualized what was going on, and discussion led to people looking it up themselves and posting fragments of it on social media, sometimes even using machine translate.

Ultimately, that’s the reason this document was released: it was the same reason as the fansub being released at the time it was, which was “if it hadn’t been released, the alternative was watching things get disseminated more slowly and chaotically.” I will say outright that I was one of the people who got to lay eyes on that document before it was publicly released (and even helped out with some advice here and there); it’s no secret that it was being quietly passed around as an internal memo prior to the outbreak. The original version of the document had a request to not post it on public social media because of the chaos it would cause, and while I don’t know how many people got to see it before it was released, I’m under the impression that it was enough people that I was quite surprised everyone who saw it respected that request.

Why does the document contain a ton of analysis and debunking on top of just the translations? Well, when you’re translating those blog posts, you’re technically giving it a bigger platform (which was one of the reasons it was originally considered better to not post it publicly). Since the document exists primarily to inform people, especially about why certain things that may seem innocuous actually have wider context behind them, it’s going to need to contain an analysis like that.

The summary

There were a lot of decisions involved by a lot of different people through all parts of this ordeal. I think it’s fair to criticize whether they were the right decisions in retrospect or whether certain things should have been done slightly differently (including my small role in this), but nevertheless, it was one where the risks involved were thought through and taken into account in every step of the situation, with a desire to avoid chaos, or at least prevent it from getting too much worse. When you have contents like this, a controversy honestly is inevitable -- how on earth are you going to be able to put contents like Yamaki reciting off all the typical alt-right YouTuber talking points and ending in Political Correctness activating Cancel Culture and not expect that to make a stir at some point? -- and so, in the end, this wasn’t so much a conscious attempt at stirring the pot as much as it was the dam finally breaking, and a desire to keep it from spilling over too much. Nobody coordinated this! I think everyone just really hates drama.

Knowing all the steps and thoughts that went on behind all of this, I think being reactionary or accusatory for clout is the last thing anyone involved wanted to be. Considering just how many of these steps above could have easily been made into exposure, from the posts all the way back in May and June to the internal memo document that was made to keep friends quietly informed but could have been leaked to the public with only one bad actor, there was an active, common desire among people who didn’t even know each other to try and minimize the potential damage as much as possible. When you look at the situation now, of course it looks awful and hardly like something that came out of “trying to minimize damage”, but in reality there’s only so much you can do when the contents really are like that, and I personally believe everyone involved was doing what they thought was their best option as the situation kept changing.

I can’t speak for anyone else, especially since I don’t even know most of the people involved, and I didn’t have much of a role in all of this, but I think everyone involved, myself and my friends and everyone who’d been keeping tabs on this situation for months, has been going through a lot of heartbreak and conflict over what to do next, so please understand that there was a lot of thought put into all of it, and that it really was a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.

#digimon #digimon tamers

111 notes · View notes

mimibtsghost7 · 4 years ago

Note

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost.

funny enough:

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life.

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol).

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well .. guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me?

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right:

Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me:

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first.

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony.

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them? You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that?

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner.

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever.

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it: a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left. As for me @hobisbeautifulass you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~#mimibtsghost

131 notes · View notes