icedragon1978thepermabanned

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Here's just some funny box art memes randomly found on the internet.

And horse lovers can't stop drooling over this game by how realistic the horse models are. And by realistic I mean shrinking testicles realistic.

Simply because. Fox was broken in Melee, and so was Marth's grab

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Here's some brutally honest gaming memes to lighten up the mood.

That's if video games were forced to be honest.

Found on Google images.

The game is incredibly stunning though

Said no video game ever

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Respectfully, I think expecting people to always know how to respond to venting is, in and of itself, traumaphobic. I and many others who are actively going through trauma have a hard time engaging with vents safely because it triggers aspects of our own trauma. One of my worst self harm episodes happened after I tried to help someone who was venting but struggled to do so correctly because I am autistic and ended up making them feel worse.

I'll be honest, I have no idea who Pixel is and only found this blog because you posted something in the whump tags that confused me and I wanted to find the context, but I don't think calling people snakes or cowards or traumaphobic for not being able to handle triggering topics is helpful. If anything, it makes traumatized people feel even worse because they feel like it's their fault they can't help with someone else's trauma. I'm not equipped to help people with their trauma, I can barely keep functioning with my own.

What you're going through sucks and I'm sorry that it's happening to you. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I'm not expecting people to do anything. What I don't want to see, is people headbutting the ban button just because somebody vented.

Yes. People deal with trauma differently. This trauma topic is pissing confusing in general.

People who go through trauma, yet aim to avoid trauma by others who trauma by rejecting the people with trauma so that it saves them from trauma, while putting on more trauma on them.

Yes. Because can't you see? it's a reasonable logical diagram

Makes noooooooo amount of cluster fucking sense. This is like trying to learn the scientific mathematics of the layout of the goddamn universe.

Regardless. No matter what, it's an unwinnable situation like that fucking Kings Quest game farted out by Devs who hated players for actually saving their game progress.

Because either one person or the other is going to get offended. So in truth, there is nothing we can really do unless we are brave enough to make a sacrifice (which is what I do since I'm a fucking moron with a heart bigger than my brain) a sacrifice that'll end up with that person being sent to the land of exile and the other person still being upset after hearing about this unwanted trauma in the first place.

You can't wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

Ha! You thought that you could just WALK over that cat? Shows what you know, dipshit

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Also, forgot to mention that I read whump sometimes to cope with my trauma. It's safer and healthier than anything else I've done, especially since I cannot afford therapy and the waitlist is months long. Don't you dare call me a "whumpaholic" if you can't recognize the reasons people engage in it.

I'm only calling the people who pushed me and others away as whumpaholics.

I'm terribly sorry that you got hit by it... My intention wasn't to call every Whump fan that. Just those people who hurt me. 😔

When I said it. I was very hurt and angry. After being trapped in the dark for so long. After years of the same treatment from other people from gaming communities I tried to fit into but failed because of my pathetic emotions, especially since I don't have anyone in reality I can talk to. Could go into more detail but I don't want to, ugh..... Trauma dump. It's annoying, because it means I can't explain in detail why I'm like this. Why I'm fighting this fight, sacrificing my sanity, account and even life because I'm done with assholes who want everything for themselves.

I'll tell you a story. About how I encountered the Whump community.

Originally I was really getting into Whump in a way that I didn't even plan. I didn't even know what Whump meant. It was a few months ago when I was new to Tumblr, joined it alone, I had no one to teach me the ropes. Like everything, I had to fend for myself.

I joined Tumblr because i wanted to try it, at the time I had just deleted my original discord account 😔 due to.... Another community failure.

Before Tumblr however. I would look at random fanart of one of my favourite games. Raincode. That's how I stumbled upon a specific artist. I loved their artwork portraying Yuma as having fevers and being cared for by his friends. I found them very talented and wanted to see more of their works.

When I joined Tumblr, my original purpose was to post the things I love talking about, video games, dragons. You name it. I felt a lot more free on here. That's what I needed, a place where I could be myself without people judging me. I began to use my sense of humour to create comedy posts and memes about Raincode, just for the fans.

However I also said to myself "hey, I might as well visit that artist's blog and see what kinds of different art they've done"

That's how I learned about the Whump concept. I never knew it even existed. Now, in actuality, the truth is. I am into characters getting sick. I don't know why. It's just cute. But I love the caring side of characters who help others recover... As someone who has a kind heart and loves characters that display acts of pure kindness, like Marth from fire emblem (that's why he's my favourite character) I'm really into this kind of thing. Normally I only hide it.

Man... I wish Reverse: 1999 got more attention because it's a free to play mobile game with so much potential

Everything was looking fine. I never even spoke to anyone on Tumblr. Especially since my anxiety got so bad. But then came that fateful day where I made the biggest regretful mistake in my life.

I saw that the artist vented on their blog. Now as someone who hates ignoring people in need since I've always reached out to people who have vented or felt alone since I can relate. I took a massive risk and reached out to them, trying to send words of support.

But my way of doing it only made things worse 😔 I ended up only making them feel uncomfortable and they blocked me. I felt terrible... So hurt I cried. I had no one to turn to, I didn't know what to do. I screwed up, it was the worst feeling in the world. I would do anything to go back in time and word that properly, even just putting in one heart emoji or something...

Because of the way i am. I felt I needed to apologise, I needed to own up and beg for forgiveness. I feel permanently awful for hurting others, and need us to find a way to accept each other and sort it out between us so that everything will be alright. Like kids making it out with each other after an incident where they were fighting on the playground.

I did everything I can to try and reach out to them. I even created my own sickfic, something I've never done before, just for them. To say that I'm really sorry for what I've done.

But as you can guess. Nothing worked. I had their friends tell me the same thing. That I had destroyed any possible relationship with them because I was too harsh, they talked me into accepting this rejection, to give up and move on. They spoke for that person, without showing me any signs that the artist even said those things, I felt insecure. Worthless, like my very being is the problem. Nothing I did to change myself would work, the damage was permanent. I was shoved aside for being a stranger. No matter how much I tried to explain myself and introduce myself so that I'm less of a stranger to them.

The truth is. I was ignored. Those people wanted me to stay away from their artist, by any means necessary. Saw me as nothing but a threat to this apparently very sensitive person who refuses to talk to anyone who isn't their closest friends. It was extremely damaging on my already sick and fractured mind. I can't even look at anything Raincode related, I hate the game. Because it reminds me of my mistake. And I feel extreme nauseous every time I see that Artist. I don't deserve to look at their art anymore. Or anything Raincode related.

After so many months of failure and silence, of feeling suicidal because I hated myself for annoying people once again. I snapped... Anger from my past experiences manifested with this new one, growing into a deep resentment towards everyone who are like those people, the people who reject others for being 'too deep' 'too heavy' 'trauma dumping' etc.

They were the ones who caused me great agony. Yet they feel no remorse for what they did. Seeing me as the villain who stunk up their harmony with my presence. Like a dragon on a rampage, I stopped caring about what people said about me. I'm used to being treated like this, used to people avoiding me. I don't have anything to live for anyway, the only thing I want to protect is those people who have been rejected in the same way.

Tears have hardened... For too long I have been weak... Allowing people to push me around. Anger and pain has corrupted my mind, taking over my anxiety, to the point now that I no longer fear people who hate me. I deserve the hate, but I won't let them break me, not anymore. Not after knowing that they treat others like their puppets, I want to stand for all those people who are like me, that have tried.... And tried... And tried to meet community expectations, just to join a place where they can belong. Only to fail, be silenced and rejected for life. Treated as a worthless object. Since nobody else is brave enough to stand up... I have taken it upon myself.

I will sacrifice everything I have. For justice. For the right for everyone to be given a chance in a community, even if they've made mistakes. For a life where newcomers are forgiven for vent mistakes and not met with instant bans or blocks. This is the path I am fighting for.

Regardless. I feel immensely awful for upsetting you. I'm sorry that you got pulled into my rage. I understand now that you rely on Whump to help you, like me and video games.

I'm here if you ever need a friend to talk about anything. Be it Whump or anything to keep our minds off the shit world we live in. I hate being angry. It's exhausting... All I ever needed was friendship, acceptance in a place where I can just talk about the topics I love so much. Without being branded as a spammer or annoying someone.

I'm not just the insulating person people think I am 😮‍💨 I'm a gaming nerd and I love going into depth about multiple characters. I really wanted to help the Whump community by showing them the kind of Whump things I've found In multiple games that I think they'll love. I only want to fit in with people... I've given up on that artist, they will always ignore me, I'm an enemy to them. And personally... I resent their personality deeply. It's such a terrible shame... Because I really believed that they were a nice looking person based on their art, posts etc.

I know that I'll mean nothing to you. Especially after this... I'll always be here. Until I get banned from Tumblr. I'd love to hang out with you if ever you'd like to, just to chat about gaming stuff. That would mean a lot to me as I'm currently on my own here. Also I accept venting.

May the light guide you. Again... I'm sorry for dragging you into this drama. My battle against this trauma phobia that forces rejection on innocent people.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

I realized that that last ask came off with a much more aggressive tone than I intended so I apologize.

It's okay. Hey, it happens, especially since we can't easily tell how someone delivers their words on the internet since we can't read tones like we would in reality.

I've done that so many times. My sense of humour specifically being mistaken for anger. Often it combines but since I have my own ways of talking about things, people can confuse that tone for another. Plus I'm also the same, I easily mistake jokes or meme talk people say as cyber bullying. Since I'm originally from the smaller Smash communities, people talk to one another in a more competitive tone (since they are gamers who are engrossed with being pro at a fighting game) I've been confused with their tones for a long time, thinking that they are saying them in a nasty insulting way when really they were only messing around with each other as friends, it was banter.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Ten random named Fire dragons from different media.

These dragons are Fire breathers. The most common type of dragon. Most have a red or orange colouration, representing the colours of flame 🔥

These dragons act as characters, rather than random dragons.

They also mostly only use fire based attacks. No other element.

⚠️ post currently under construction⚠️

Grigori

Where from: Dragons Dogma/Dark Arisen (on multiple gaming platforms), also appears in the sequel and Netflix anime adaptation of the same name.

Info: Also known as 'the great dragon'. He's a gigantic red behemoth who acts as an antagonist and boss in the game series. He's responsible for taking out and devouring the player character's heart (turning them into the Arisen) causing the player to follow his guidance so that they can engage in a destined battle to the death.

Angelus

Where from: Drakengard (PS2)

Info: She's an elderly fire wyvern who serves as Caim's dragon mount throughout the game. Despite her hatred for mankind she had no choice but to make a pact with Caim as both were severely injured and near death (in the series, a human and a creature can gain another chance in life if they make a pact with each other, this consists of fusing their souls together which not only combines their power but also shares their life, should one die while the pact is in effect then so will the other. This however demands a price from the mortal human, the price being a part of them they may value the most. The more powerful the monster, the bigger the price, with Caim, it was his voice. Making him mute for the rest of the game)

Angelus is only known as 'the red dragon' throughout the original Drakengard. Her name isn't actually revealed until much later. She has multiple forms she can change into, and speaks for Caim during the game. An interesting concept with the dragons in this series is that they seem to have Angelic names while humans have demonic ones.

Ignitus

Where from: The Legend of Spyro series

Info: He's the fire guardian who was entrusted with protecting the dragon eggs, including Spyro's. An elderly fire dragon who both acts as the leader of the remaining dragon guardians and as Spyro's mentor. He teaches Spyro how to master his fire element and has supported him on multiple occasions.

Fun fact: he is actually voiced by Gary Oldman who is a famous actor that played multiple well known movie roles, one of the most iconic ones being Serius Black from the Harry Potter films.

Drago

Where from: Dragonheart (movie)

Info: A dragon who was unfortunate enough to share his heart with a selfish and sadistic human king, who fooled the dragon by swearing that he would rule the kingdom with justice and brotherhood before he died.

Because of the nature of a dragon sharing their heart with a human (in the series this is a pure honourable thing to the dragons. As they'll be ascended to the stars, forever part of an ancient legacy) Drago is forced into hiding and living in shame, since now both him and the king share each other's pain as they are soulbound. He ends up being the last of his kind as dragon slayers who had developed an understanding hatred of the king try to kill his dragon in order to kill him. Drago is one of the main protagonists and ends up befriending a dragon slayer.

Smaug

Where from: The Hobbit (novel, before other forms of media like video games and the movies)

Info: Smaug is an evil dragon who drove the drawfs out of their mountain out of pure greed. He was drawn to their wealth and spends almost the entirety of The Hobbit bathing himself in the treasure trove, hiding himself in the vast sea of gold coins and valuables.

He's an ancient, powerful dragon known as a fire drake, or Uruloki. The last of his breed in Middle-Earth. It's not just his selfish and greed infused personality that makes him one of the most feared antagonists, he is also relentless and will take his rage out on innocent lives if the battle doesn't go in his favour. This is seen when he burns a nearby village to the ground, after being driven out of his mountain lair, which the dwarves were rightfully claiming back.

His appearance depictions very, in novel illustrations and other concepts, he's portrayed as a European fire dragon, with four limbs and two wings, often coloured orange or golden. However, in the movie adaptation, he's a dark brown-blackish wyvern.

Saphira

Where from: Eragon (novel, before developing into other media like a video game and movie adaptation)

Info: Saphira is a unique fire dragon, as she is a bright blue European dragon (in the movie adaptation she has scaly featured wings) She is bonded to a boy named Eragon whom she chose to be her rider even before hatching.

In the Eragon universe, a dragon and rider are paired together, and are destined to live and fight alongside each other. The rider gains new powers from their dragon, like the ability to see through their dragon partner's eyes as they soar through the skies.

If a dragonrider's dragon dies then the rider will live on. However, if the rider dies then so will their dragon. However - on a grim note, it's possible for the dragon to kill their own rider if they become insane.

Peril

Where from: Wings Of Fire (book series)

Info: Peril is one of many protagonists in the series, she first appeared in the first book and is the main character in Escaping Peril where it's her turn to continue the series in her own perspective. (Each book focuses on a different dragon character's perspective, allowing the reader to observe the story through them and their thoughts)

She's a Skywing, a race of fire breathing dragons with giant wingspans allowing them to cover great distances airborne (their appearance and colours much like typical European fire dragons). However, she's the most unique Skywing, as she was born with too much fire. A phenomenon where the dragon is ALWAYS boiling hot, no matter the climate. Her scales are so hot that they burn anything and anyone they touch, forcing her to keep her distance from other dragons at all times in fear of burning them severely.

However, despite having to constantly live in caution of your own deadly body so that you don't accidentally kill your friends. It does play out in her favour, being able to burn anything you touch to death makes for a neat weapon in a universe of dragon wars.

Valthorian

Where from: Dragon Blade: Wrath Of Fire (Nintendo Wii)

Info: Valtorian is a fire dragon whom long ago was defeated by six of his own appointed kings, who were corrupted into believing that their leader was responsible for the invasion of their world by other dragons who were angered at Valtorian for breaking a sacred rule - interfering with the affairs of humanity.

The evil dragons were led by a shadow dragon named Vormanax who plotted against the fire dragon. After brainwashing the kings with lies, Valtorian was slain and his soul sealed in the dragon blade which was split into fragments amongst the kings.

The game focuses on a man named Dal, who comes across the hilt of the legendary sword, allowing Valtorian to speak to him. The fire dragon guides Dal to seek out the rest of the fragments to release him from his prison and seal away the evil dragons. With each piece of the sword, Valtorian is able to aid Dal in his battles with parts of his body like claws, head, tail and wings.

Volvagia

Where from: Legend of Zelda Ocarina of time

Info: Volvagia is a serpentine fire dragon who acts as one of the bosses Link must face and defeat during his journey to defeat Gannondorf.

The dragon is one of Gannon's minions who has now stricken fear into the Goron mines, years after Gannon took dominance of Hyrule.

Gorons who didn't swear loyalty to Gannon's rule were imprisoned in the fire temple, awaiting to be sacrificed to Volvagia. Adult Link is tasked with saving the Gorons and killing the dragon.

However, in the manga, the fate of Volvagia is far more tragic and brutal.

One day, young Link saw a cadged baby dragon who was being sold at the castle market. Feeling sorry for it, Link bought the dragon, in order to free it. However the dragon was mischievous and bit the hero, causing an annoyed Link to walk away from it.

But no matter how many times he tried to abandon the dragon. It would follow him. The two then became best friends, with the baby dragon learning to say Link's name, which surprised the young hero.

That baby dragon was Volvagia

And years later, after adult Link's awakening. Link comes to the horrifying discovery that Gannon corrupted his dragon friend, who is now a bloodthirsty monster. Sheik forces Link to kill the dragon as it had already caused death and destruction to innocent beings. The hero was hesitant at first, as he couldn't bear to lay his sword on his friend, picturing the fun moments they had together as youngsters. But Sheik insisted that the dragon was corrupted beyond cure, so Link doesn't have a choice. He faces the serpent, demands the dragon to remember his name, then severs its head in a single downward slash, not looking back... A tear rolls down Volvagia's eye as he suddenly remembers Link, and the severed head even painfully says his name once again before it dies. Link then swore that he would NEVER forgive Gannon for all the evil he's done.

Alexstrasza

Where from: World Of Warcraft series

Info: Alexstrasza is the guardian of all life in the world of Azeroth. She was one of five great dragons chosen by the titans to be empowered with a portion of the Pantheon's power and rule over her flight while they watched over Azeroth and its inhabitants. The titans also appointed her queen of all dragons.

She has engaged in many battles against evil forces, including the great evil dragon Deathwing. Passing down her legacy to the mortals of the world. She appears multiple times in the franchise, often taking on a humanoid form, that of a high elf.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

i think what youre missing abt this "trauma hate" stuff is that some ppl arent equipped to handle that kinda stuff from someone they dont even know.

it can be hard for some ppl to respond to vents becuz they dont know you, they dont know if anything they say will make you feel better or worse. it can be a lot of pressure. not everyone is strong enough for that. or maybe they have their own irl stuff and taking someone elses pain on would be the straw that broke the camels back, yanno?

theres a lot of reasons for this, and i know that being blocked really hurts, and it can be rude if they didnt tell you what was wrong, but i also dont think its fair to not hold any empathy for the people in that kind of situation either. kindness also includes respecting boundaries. i hope this made some sense. im not saying that you should shut up forever, and im really glad youve made friends from sharing your pain, but just that some ppl cant handle that approach.

I understand that most people aren't equipped to help others with trauma. However I'm trying to help advise people not to push them away by 'blocking' or 'banning' because there are better ways to approach the situation.

If people can't deal with trauma then they can politely tell that person something like "I'm really sorry, i don't like trauma related stuff from other people, but I hope you'll be alright" at least that way, they are vocal about it and don't respond by straight up ejecting that person from the community. They could also ask that person to leave the community for a while to sort themselves out then they'll be welcome back.

Another option is that those people can find others in the same group and ask them for help with talking to the person. Someone who knows how to talk to people going through these things.

Most of the time. When people are feeling low and vent. All they need is simple cheering up. Even if nobody can do anything, just saying that "I wish we could do more to help" then maybe asking them what topics they like (could be hobbies, games, pets etc.) to try and distract them from the negativity. That way, that person is still being allowed to engage with the community without being punished for venting their feelings.

Sadly. This "I'm not trained or prepared for this kind of thing" is an excuse I've experienced with moderators before they I.P banned me, ghosted me out and did everything to keep me out. Yet at the same time, I've seen them give love and support to a fellow member who was new to the community yet got moderation very quickly.

I am more than happy to teach as many people as possible to try and talk to people who are going through trauma, without saying too much if that's not their thing.

- Explain to them that you can't deal with trauma related stuff and ask them politely to perhaps remove their own messages without making them feel uncomfortable for even bringing up the negativity (be honest, just explain that it's a triggering concept for you and the people in the community, but show that you don't dislike the person for doing it, guide them into understanding and respecting the communities conditions)

- Show empathy, even if it's a little thing, like ❤��❤️🫂, emojis, just to show that you do understand that they are going through something bad and you do care. People don't have to say words even. You can just use supportive pictures or GIFs if you want.

- Try to talk to them normally about something else. Tell them that it's better to talk about something they like, and that it may help them feel better. Ask them about what they like (if in a gaming community, what favourite games and why) include them in a group conversation about that topic, that way there's a high chance that they'll move past the negativity and enjoy chatting to the community group about different things.

- Whatever you do. NEVER make them feel like they are bad people for venting. Do not block, or ban, or even remove messages without first asking them to do so themselves or at least tell them that you need to. This will develop long-term trauma on the person facing the isolation, which may lead to other things like social anxiety, fear of going out and in extreme cases, even self harm. Smaller communities are not like massive ones where rules have to be tighter. There's really no excuse to ban people over something that doesn't threaten the lives of others and their accounts. Bans should be reserved for extreme behaviour, like grooming, death threats, racism and spammers who spam the same posts over and over again like a bot would (and they know they are doing it to troll)

Everyone will face some kind of trauma in their lives. Even you guys will. Sometimes we cannot control our emotions and feelings, even if we hate sharing them on a regular basis. We are only human, we are naturally social creatures, so we've relied on the same species for support for generations. At desperate times, we call out to anybody for help. It happens. And this is especially common in places people feel more at ease in, especially in gaming communities if they are surrounded by other people who they can relate to.

Even if the person calling for help knows that those strangers can't actually help them. They just need some kind of encouraging emoji or message to help motivate them and make them feel a little better. They basically need a virtual hug by some random people who care, or even some comedy or a more positive topic to help take their mind off it. While still being an accepted member in the community.

You'd be surprised by how much it makes a difference if you change the way you approach those people. Just something like "let's see if we can help you drive that gloom away, shall we all look at what games are coming out this year? And share our opinions on them together?"

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

MDA: Raincode fic - The Unsolvable Prophecy

Written by: ???

Part 1 - Set To Fail

Part 2 - Dreams Of A Fractured Mind

Part 3 - The Crime Of Caring

Part 4 - No Such Outcome

Part 5 - Raging Dragons

Note: images are from Google images.

For a few minutes me and Yomi faced each other, his wicked grin widening as he saw his prisoner, bound in chains, unable to fight back.

"How does it feel, dragon. To be powerless? Your dreams ripped away from you, forced to serve the choices of others? Having no options to fix irreversible damages YOU caused? Only to be politely dismissed."

He laughed hysterically as I stood there. The steel bindings weighing me down.

Every word he said about me...

No matter how much it hurt. Was exactly how I felt inside ever since I came here. Or to be put more precisely. Even before that.

It didn't matter who I spoke to, every outcome was the same. No one is really there to help. They don't want to, so they pretend just so that you'd likely leave them alone...

Forever. A cunning plot. All this time I was trying to solve an unsolvable case, hoping for a breakthrough when everyone around me gave me false hope. Which turned into pointlessness.

I can picture in my mind right now that Makoto will never read my novel I worked so hard on, nor give it to Yuma either. Both may have wanted to guide me away from them, using my dumb mind against me. But they have underestimated me, and I'll prove that to them.

They may have broken me down multiple times but I'm not going to let Yomi break me further.

Enough is enough!

I'm tired of feeling depressed, lost and sad. I want to earn this happiness I've been yerning for so long.

I will awaken my inner guardian. The scars from my past battles shall harden. I will protect Kani Ward from this evil mastermind... Then they shall learn a lesson of their own. That I am not the offensive, human upsetting dragon they assume I am.

I raised my head to the sky, and turned to look at Kani Tower. A new wave of rage and determination washed over me.

"I hope you are watching this... Makoto" I said under the muzzle. No one heard me due to the muffling of my voice.

Yomi looked at me with an annoyed expression.

"Oh... PLEASE... Don't start thinking that Makoto or anyone will save you. Haven't you learnt ANYTHING? They won't come for you. They don't even care what happens to you as long as you stay out of their way" he sneered.

I only glared at him.

Yomi then thought to himself a moment.

"Hmmm, you seem to have a lot you want to say to me, Zal. Since I'm feeling generous today, how about I let you talk?"

The peacekeepers around Yomi started to look worried, some began to question if this was a good idea.

"Take off her binds!" He ordered. "This is going to be fun"

There was hesitation for a while, then the peacekeepers did as they were commanded, unbuckling my shackles and sliding off my chains. Soon the wings were unclipped and my muzzle carefully taken off. I stood still, not even moving my tail. The peacekeepers moved as far away from me as possible in case I happened to attack them. But I didn't, my focus was on Yomi.

"You talk big for someone who claims he's protecting Kani Ward while treating his people like caged animals at a circus" I said.

"I won't deny that you're right about me regarding how I've been trying to restore peace to someone who's avoiding me.

But.... I still have hope"

Yomi threw back his head and laughed out loud

"HA! Hope??? You? What kind of hope do you have left? There is nothing left for you here than to MOVE ON with your life and leave everyone in Kani Ward alone!

Get it into your thick icy skull of yours, NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!" he yelled.

I tensed up, looking at him in his evil eyes with great difficulty.

"Even if that is the case I still want to protect them from the likes of you!

I am not afraid of you anymore. I will not run from you.

Your words may have cut me deep but there's no clarity in them. There's no evidence that those people said the certain things you've said to me.

Not until they actually say that to me themselves!

I'm tired of people talking for others without evidence!" I roared.

"So I have something to believe in... Maybe with enough space and time, Yuma will talk to me, and we can be allies.

You have caused nothing but pain to people, towering over them, making them feel useless and vulnerable...

You accuse me of being the villain when you go around torturing the minds of others.

I live to serve others out of my own free will and kindness. I wasn't born to be liked, no one is. We just exist, walking our own paths. Friendship is something to seek out, to earn as you said. But not through force, or fear, or status but through caring and kindness and the willing to help out whenever you can. That's how you earn the trust of TRUE friends.

So I will fight. I will fight to protect these strangers whether they like me or not. I still and always will... Value them as my friends! I won't let you control my mind anymore!

KINDNESS IS THE KEY TO FRIENDSHIP!"

With that I blasted an ice beam towards one side of the standing army of peacekeepers behind Yomi and swept it to the other. Yomi ducked down to avoid it.

The beam froze the peacekeepers the moment it touched them, they were encased in ice before they could even react. All the remaining ones who were not behind Yomi ran at a panic towards Kani Ward city to get as far away as possible.

Yomi was seething with hot rage. He was now standing in front of lines of statues, not really a good look for a well respected leader.

"Now, now Zal. That's not how we behave around here, is it?" He sneered coldly, unable to hide his anger, hands clenching into fists.

"So, this is the game you wish to play. You've got some nerve, attacking my peacekeepers. But they are merely the pawns on the chessboard"

He approached me a few steps, then stopped. I kept my composure, ready for anything this threat will throw at me. The tension between us was intense.

"Let me show you what a TRUE respected leader can do."

Suddenly Yomi changed form, his body contorting and growing. Skin became scales, horns grew out of his head, arms and legs became quadruple limbs, each with claws at the ends. Two gigantic wings protruded from his back, blocking out the view of the train station. A long tail then appeared, which he smashed against the ground multiple times.

I now stood face to face with a white and red dragon who towered over me. Ten times bigger than my own body size.

"Did you honestly think that you were the only one with this gift?

You are nieve indeed"

His now glowing red eyes pierced into mine.

This is just an idea of what Yomi's dragon form may look like (image not mine obviously)

"You had your chance to leave this city, but you just had to spread the disease of your existence to all the locals.

I now have no choice but to put an end to your misery! It'll be better for everyone, especially Yuma, who shall continue living without you stinking up his space"

Yomi then roared. A powerful, billowing roar that shook the ground like a high magnitude earthquake. I ducked my head down in pain, trying desperately to cover my ears. It's a wonder the buildings remained intact.

Then Yomi lunged, I was able to jump out of the way and hover above as he crashed down onto nothing.

I fired an ice bolt at his back, which shattered on impact. Yomi spun round and leapt into the air after me, lunging with every chance he got.

My plan was to get around him, whilst some paces away from his tail to attack from behind. Due to his sheer size, close combat would be in his favour. I'd have no chance.

I kept flying around him, since he was bigger, I was faster. He was hovering in the center of the area trying to lock onto me. I blasted frost breath every now and again. It seemed to have an effect as Yomi growled in pain, if this continued I may hopefully be able to freeze his limbs, but so far his strong scales were putting up a fight.

"You think THIS is going to work?!" He screeched.

Then he lunged without warning and managed to swipe me with his claws, a single swipe that sent me hurtling to the ground.

Blood ran from the fresh claw marks on my neck, but I got up before he could lunge again.

A fearsome battle ensured. Yomi's fangs biting into thin air as he tried multiple times to catch me. I kept flying into him at lightning speed, slamming my body against his then retreating before he could counter. It was painful since his scales were so strong, so I encased myself in icy armour to make it easier. Extra spikes emerged on multiple parts of my body made of solid ice crystal.

Yomi attempted to swipe his tail in my direction, I dodged and countered with an ice beam that froze the end of his tail. He yowled in pain and tried to break the ice, but the powerful cold actually snapped his tail off.

Infuriated, he chased me into the city of Kani Ward. Where I tried to use my own size to my advantage. Swooping through the gaps of buildings to try and confuse him into searching for me, before I let out a barrage of surprise attacks.

This plan was working out until Yomi's anger got the better of him. He changed form again. His white scales darkening to a jet black, his body becoming far more spikier and metallic looking. His underscales now glowed neon red, as did his wing webbing, which was crackling with a bizarre red electricity.

This is actually a red eyes black full metal dragon, this is just an idea of what Yomi's new form looks like.

Things were clearly not going his way and now the black cyber dragon hunted for me, his claws and spikes far longer and razor sharp. While his tail was still long, it ended in a stump, from where the frost breath severed it. His eyes glowed more menacingly, hints of murderous rage deep within their cores.

I hid myself in every small, darkest part I could. Nobody was around. They must have fled to safety as soon as the fight began.

But... My cover was shortly blown and Yomi immediately detected me. He was much faster in this form, and in one swift motion he smashed into me and pinned me to the street floor with one claw on my face, my ice armour shattering in the process like broken glass.

The impact caused great pain throughout my body, but my right side was especially agonising, indicating a possible bone break or fracture.

Yomi snarled, his pulsating neon eyes glaring into my cyan one.

"Fool.... Don't you DARE even think that you are protecting anyone in MY city.

You are worthless. A weakling that deserves to be DEAD.

Didn't that ever cross your mind?"

For a moment I felt a huge pang of envy as I visualised Yuma's friends protecting him from me. He was so lucky to have such people... The same goes to all the leaders who cast me aside. They always had friends on their side. It didn't take me long to realise that I truly was alone... Fighting a fight which I wouldn't want anyone else to get involved with anyway.

But still....

There's no one who would defend me, or help me in a pinch. All there was, was an empty abyss. But I'm determined to fight my last fight. No matter how useless it is.

"Even if I am alone" I said, struggling under the weight of his claw.

"That won't stop me from fulfilling my purpose. There is still something to fight for, no matter how small or invisible that is."

Yomi didn't realise it, but I was positioning my spiked tail behind him, just above the top of his neck.

"I will defeat you Yomi, and free Kani Ward from your dominance!"

I then thrusted my tail into the back of his neck. Despite the clearly impenetrable armour, it managed to stab right into a weak part of his scales.

I managed to wriggle away whilst he recoiled, howling in agony as a spray of red fluid darker than blood gushed out of the wound.

He then leapt into the sky with a single thrust of his powerful wings, gaining immense height. The weather changed... The rain was heavier and the sky was now blood red. In response to Yomi's blind rage.

I was still recovering from the pain of the last action. But, as soon as I could fly again, Yomi blasted an energy beam of blood lightning from his mouth. It struck one of my wings, tearing the webbing with a sickening riiiiiiiip. The force launching me into a building which destroyed part of it.

I was on the ground but I didn't have time to be in pain, I moved quickly before another blast made contact with the ground I was lying on only seconds before.

My wing was badly damaged but I managed to take off. Ignoring the pain, I avoided Yomi's attacks as best I could, each a very close encounter.

But the behemoth of a dragon was just too much. My frost breath attacks did nothing, when I blasted another, he shielded himself with his wing midair then proceeded to slash me with his other wing. I staggered a few paces but managed to regain my balance, before.....

He struck me again, this time with his heavy tail to my face. Ironically in the same place he scarred me with his whip.

I would attempt to claw at his armour, but it was like using a blade on solid steel. His attacks became far more vicious as every attack I tried ended in me being violently slammed into a building or the floor. This power...

How the HELL can I fight against this....

My body was now in a horrific state. I could feel my cool blood oosing out from my wounds. Still.... I kept trying to fight back, but each outcome was the same. Yomi even grabbed me by the throat with his powerful jaws and threw me to the side, smashing me into a building once again.

His anger now turned into laughter as he enjoyed every single second of my suffering.

"Look at you now, a dragon who's too weak to even stand!

You are only making me far more powerful!

Nothing can defeat me! I'm indestructible! And soon you'll be dead!"

My injuries were so bad now that I physically struggled to get back on my feet. Both my wings were damaged with multiple holes.

I.....I have to get out of here.....

I tried to thrust myself into the air, but I came crashing back down, gasping for breath as the pain was truly unbearable.

Yomi just watched me and laughed. He summoned his peacekeepers to the area just so that they could mock and jeer at me. Some even threw rocks at me, as I tried again and again to lift off.

I gritted my fangs and finally launched myself into the sky, flapping vigorously just to keep myself aloft.

Yomi didn't even chase me. He just watched me go, a triumphant smirk on his face. He stopped some rock throwing peacekeepers from following me.

"Leave her, she's far too weak now. In just a few moments she'll succumb to her injuries.

A far more painful death than just killing her on the spot.

She'll slowly suffer and die, that's all we needed from her."

He then flew up and landed on a tall skyscraper, overlooking my flight direction where I was slowly moving towards the horizon.

He roared in victory. The peacekeepers all over the city cheered in unison.

The battle was over. They won.

I didn't know where I was going. Where I could go.

The cave would be far too high up to reach and I was only a few metres off the ground.

I kept going... My heart getting weaker and weaker, every wingbeat, breath and cold breeze that blew past me was extremely painful.

My vision was blurring.... The pain corrupting my mind, I was getting dizzy.

My body then gave way, my wings could no longer carry me anymore and I crash landed in a spaced out area....

I must have been well away from Kani Ward now.... I turned my head weakly to look behind me the way I came. No buildings were in sight... I made it out.

But I could feel my body shutting down. Tears rolled down from my eyes as I thought about this hopeless case. It was like a prophecy foretold.... That everything was planned before I arrived.

My possible friendship with Yuma became the unsolvable prophecy.

Blood came from everywhere. I was bleeding heavily, I even ended up choking on it.

I'm sorry Yuma.... I tried..... I really..... Really.... Did.

Guess I had learnt my "lesson" as I'll never be able to bother the real Yuma again.

I couldn't wait to go back to the false dream world... Back to the friendship, the company, the teamwork, the banter and all the fun things we'd do together.

I smiled weakly to myself as the counterfeit happy thoughts embraced me. I wanted to apologise to the dream Yuma for doubting and yelling at him. At least I'll be able to go back there now. I don't ever want to leave again.

My breathing grew shallower and I could barely keep my heavy eyelids open.

The pain was somehow easing but I was getting very, very tired.

One last image appeared in my thoughts. Me with all the detective agency members riding on my back, happy and having the time of their lives.

With that, my eyelids closed over aching eyes. And everything became darkness.

END.

Zal, an idea of what she looks like in her dragon form

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Keep on fighting for what's right.

Never give up. Never give in.

Never let them break you again.

Because there are those worth fighting for. Worth protecting.

No matter how much you hurt inside.

There is kindness that exists. The people who care.

Stand your ground. It's time to protect those who suffer in silence. Even if you're alone, with no one on your side. Sacrifices must be made, to protect the vulnerable.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

You need to get off the Internet, this is not healthy.

Ah. The "get off the internet" quote. There's no point. I've already done that multiple times. It stays in my brain, so it adds on to the stress.

I wouldn't worry about me if I were you pal. I'm not going anywhere. I sent one post against those guys who hate trauma. And hilariously, I get this. That's all it took. Because you people are upset that somebody is standing their ground. Somebody you think should just walk away with their tail between their legs.

Either you saw the whumpaholics raging about one person who for once isn't going to take their bullshit or you are one of them aboard the trauma hate express.

I have no intention of sending anything else to their lair. I'm standing here until Tumblr bans me.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

You guys are only coming towards me on your own free will because I agro'd you via my brutal honesty towards your no negativity culture.

You never cared about me or anyone else you'd push away for venting which triggers you so much you have to erase the person from your sight.

Trust me. If I'd have continued to remain quiet, followed your advice then for future years you'd still carry on like I never existed. You judge people, you expect them to meet your expectations or else they face the punishment of exile.

I never met your expectations. Never had, never will. You hate that I'm different.

For all that time I hated myself. Still do, but I've now realised a dark truth. The truth you guys will fight to protect. I've come to terms that after years of being treated like this, outcasted because of the way I am. I realised that maybe I shouldn't be the one to apologise anymore... No matter how much I did... No one apologized to me for all the mental strain that I had to go through. Instead, blaming me for putting it on myself. Victim blaming, and even accusing me of 'playing the victim' as they will not accept that they played a part in my pain that went on for years.

I am one of the rare people who has gained the confidence to fight. I am willing to sacrifice my life and soul to stand up for the people who have been treated unfairly by people who hate trauma.

It's not about owning up to Pixel anymore. She doesn't care. Never did. She has no guts to fight for herself, she relies on others to do it for her. And I'm tired of people who speak on behalf of the people I'm trying to talk to one on one.

She's made her decision. This isn't affecting her in any way, because she knows damn well that she has tools and people who will protect her, like the celebrity bodyguards. She's likely still doing her cutsy art on her blog. And probably 'venting' about me to you guys in private community groups. That's how you know about me. And why I'm such a threat to Pixel. Yet I can't even look at her blog without feeling so sick with anxiety that I may vomit.

She is not going to actually grow the confidence and talk to me privately herself. She's had plenty of time to do so. I've tried everything I can to own up to my mistakes, spent nights on a sickfic even just for her.

I've given up now. I couldn't give a rats ass what she does now. She stuck her nose up at me, indicating that I'm clearly not a person who meets her expectations. I've failed her checklist and nothing is going to change her stubborn mind, that's just the kind of human she is. She chooses her friends. And the people she feels are worth talking to.

I've been living with agony after her rejection for months. It's affected my sleeping, eating and so much other crap you wouldn't even listen to because you've already judged me as someone who is 'obsessed with that person' yes. I was obsessed with trying to fix my mistakes, to apologise to the person as I'm a sensitive fuckard who constantly feels guilt for my own actions and need to set things right.

If I was THAT obsessed with them. I would be following them everywhere. Using far more multiple accounts to try and trick them into finally DMing me.

But she's not even worth that. I'm actually glad that I'm not on her level. I couldn't live with blocking strangers who just talk to me normally. I don't want to be anything like her, I think she's cruel. Cruel and selfish, acts like an innocent sensitive person yet plays God when people don't meet her standards. I think you'd better watch out for her, more so than me, especially when you are in the snake pit.

Why even be friends with someone who doesn't accept trauma? be it life or online. Who only wants to hear what she wants people to say, and in specific quantities. Otherwise she'll delete messages without warning, then push them away. She's not going to apologise for her actions, and she CERTAINLY doesn't forgive people. She's a snake waiting to bite at anyone who triggers her. When she strikes her venom sinks in, an agony that is incurable. We are nothing but her prey, who must carefully tread in her lair while she stares with unblinking eyes, watching our every move, judging our souls.

Only those who she chooses, gain her respect.

So no. I may love snakes but that's one I wouldn't want to befriend anymore. Not once has she even tried to talk to me, instead, relying on people to talk for her, so I have no clue if what they are saying is genuine.

She can dance around the trauma less fairytale maypole for all I care. My focus is on this trauma hate everyone has been raised to believe in. Probably if they were introduced to the internet at preschool age.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Hey I have no idea what the situation is, I'm just some rando who came across your post in the whump tags, but I just wanna say I hope things get better for you soon cause it's obvious you're going through something. Take a break, talk to people offline if you can, give yourself the space ya need to be angry, but uh, maybe try n talk to a professional if you're constantly being accused of trauma dumping. Not trying to invalidate your experiences but I think it'd help to talk to someone equipped to deal with those sorts of things and give you advice on talkin about it to others.

Hmm. I guess you're from America 🤔 normally the folks who say that to me are. We may have free NHS over here but when it comes to professional help it's hell.

- They may be equipped to help you but they are strangers themselves. There have been instances where even therapists have breached their position.

- The waiting lists for mental help is insanely long. There have been suicides reported on the BBC news because of this problem of people not getting the help in time.

- In countries like America, it's actually extremely expensive to get that kind of help. Not everyone can afford it.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

I also lurk through the tags; I don' follow pixel since I only use my blog to follow friends and tags, However I don't think going on public rants is a good idea because that would isolate you further..

I see your valid point but at the same time it wouldn't make a difference even if I continued to suffer in silence.

People only say something after you speak out about an issue. Originally, they didn't give two amounts of piss buckets, and that would carry on for months. Then years. Of that same silence. Those people who were not brave enough, who couldn't fight back, are probably dead, and you guys wouldn't even know about it.

This public rant is something I'm risking everything for. To bring up an issue that may have already caused unnecessary suicides. Because of this hate towards people who vent. A controlling, manipulative concept of silencing people who dare speak out about personal problems else they'll be guilt tripped into believing that they caused trauma on those people, in an environment of 'no one cares about your problems'

I'm no longer fighting for forgiveness. I've now got all the proof I need to see who those people really are. They are in denial, as expected. Protecting themselves and their beliefs. They only acted because for the first time, someone has finally spoken out. And they don't like it. They are used to people following their instructions, walking away believing that everything was their own fault, too scared to say anything back as they'll just be further blamed for screwing everything up. They are not used to people protesting against them, in a place where they can't even delete messages to silence them.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

??? You're literally blowing up at the people that aren't saying exactly what you want them to say, just like you claim the rest of the community does??? Just because it's not blocking them doesn't make it better. Take care and look inwards, bro. You're not evil, but implying people are stupid sheep for disagreeing doesn't make friends either.

Listen my buddy. I can show you that it's highly possible to use your stone heart for something good.

This is how I talk normally towards people who I reach out to if they are venting. Yeah? Oh no, you might say. It's too long. Too heavy. Etc. etc. etc.

See? Not everyone headbutts the block button so hard they get concussion.

You are solely focused on me blowing up in your beloved community. It's not because of people disagreeing with me. It's because of the concept of - if you can't stand someone just because they speak out of line then block them and make sure they never get to talk it over with the person, where they could end up shaking hands with each other and enjoy the community together as new allies.

You guys act as the roadblock that prevents anything from actually happening. Infused into your religious belief that anybody with problems deserve to be isolated and ignored for life. With no possible solution, it only cures your own ego.

Random strangers have reached out to me. Even though I never asked for it. I owe them my protection and support for as long as possible. They are my friends, even though they are total strangers. Strangers who go out of their way to show love to others who are going through difficult times.

God has blessed these people. These kind souls who exist that love and care about everyone.

It's not a case of wanting people to act how you'd like them to. I don't ask for this kind of reaction. And I CERTAINLY don't expect you guys to even develop the compassion for anyone who isn't the artists or stuck up fans you love so much.

It's a dreadful shame that you people view those who suffer as nothing but a thorn in your side.

I'm taking the risk to 'blow up' this issue as I'm the only one brave enough to. Even if this costs me my life, I will stand for those people who are suffering in silence from people like you who do everything to talk your way into their minds, to make them feel guilty for upsetting the sacred person you worship, forcing them to believe that nothing they can do can solve the issue, for both parties to own up and forgive one another.

This person is also autistic by the way. They are going through the exact same thing with community hell. Do I just abandon them, tell them to "go find another community" basically saying that I don't want them here and block/ignore them?

No. They have become a dear friend of mine. I talk to them if ever they feel sad if ever they want to talk to me.

I've actually ended up with multiple strangers as my friends. Those I had to leave behind because I didn't want to drag them into my own battles. People who have been targeted by trolls, to the point of self harm. I never rejected them, I fought to protect them. I invited them to my private discord server so that they were safe from the troll, and to this day we are still friends. Originally me and that person had arguments and I used to be jealous of them because they were better at the game (smash bros) than me. We pretty much wanted to stay away from each other but I pushed that aside for the sake of their wellbeing. Not many people were brave enough to help them, but me and some fellow people did. And it made a huge huge difference.

You guys have yet to learn that with the support you can give to someone, even if it's something little. You can change their lives forever, you may gain a friend for life.

Being dismissive by saying "find another community" "we wish you the best" before ignoring that person. Not letting them have another chance. Shows that despite the show of care in your words, it's false. If I hadn't have "lashed out" you wouldn't have even spoken to me at all. Just shows how you value your passions of being a loyal community member who wants to look good in front of the other members so that you don't look out of place more than the lives of others.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

Heya so I don't really know the context behind any of this but I stumbled across your um... ranting(?) And I know that feeling angry and upset can feel good, in a way, but it's not the responsibility of strangers online to make you feel better.

I'm sure you won't listen to anything anyone has to say in your current mental state but perhaps it'd be a good idea to log off for a little while. Maybe re-focus this energy onto something a little healthier then typing out rants? Again, I have no contexts so perhaps I am entirely wrong and you have every reason in the world to be upset with whoever it is you're mad at but unless they're someone you know personally offline then I'm sorry but it's not their place to cater to you and your needs.

I'm sure you're lovely and trauma doesn't make you inhuman - trust me, I've had to learn that myself - but lashing out is only going to have the opposite effect to what you want and will ultimately only make you feel worse.

Yeah... It's all about the lashing out, isn't it?

Reading my crap is optional. Talking to me is optional. If you are going to be like Dracospark, only talking to me just because you want to be a hero and protect the community to gain more respect points out of the artist to get a friendship promotion then I have nothing to say to you.

Sorry. But I'm done with false hope and people who pretend to be your friend just because they want to keep you in line and away from the people they hurt so much by trying to talk normally to them. Yet they carry on enjoying themselves like nothing happened.

[icedragon1978thepermabanned]

This is your last anon, and man... I'm literally just some lurker that follows tags, I don't even have an active blog. I don't talk to any of these people. I dont know them personally. When I say "scary," I mean it in the way that you're only hurting yourself, mate. I'm not scared of your trauma, I'm a suicidal person myself, Ive gone through loads of shit, I get it (generally speaking, of course I don't know your life). It's a bad mental space to be, when you hate the world or certain people and wanna lash out at it/them. I go there a lot too. You're spiraling the drain when you focus all of your energy on bein petty. I wish you well, my guy. I just hope that you can feel better soon

HA! PETTY!?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Says the Pixel fan who isn't aware that she blocks people who reach out to her. I was only trying to tell her that she's not alone, that I have been ignored and ghosted by people in communities I loved. God only knows how many other people she's blocked who actually had some ounce of kindness.

Yeah. You don't think that's petty do you? - comment on my vent post but only address me how I want you to. Only say what I want you to say, how I want you to say.

I've delt with controlling moderators who have a superiority complex. She's EXACTLY like them. You can't see that because you love Raincode and the community so much you wouldn't dare say anything out of place to become the next lamb for the slaughter.

People like her are only nice on the outside but poison on the inside. She has no care or empathy towards anyone who isn't kissing her asshole every two seconds. It has to be about her. I hate talking about her like this because I tried apologising every damn way, but was ignored for months. I wanted to be her friend too. Just like you guys are.

Banning people just because they simply annoy you is petty behaviour. Enforcing mod tools on people who bruise your ego is pettiness. When will you guys open your eyes. And see the real problem.

All of this could have been resolved just by a chat. Talked it out. Found a way to work together with each other like how people at work do. Settling things by communicating, I've ended up with friends I never even thought I had by doing this.

We need to reach out more and talk to people. Try to cheer them up, maybe let them into a talk group with you and chat about something you like, maybe anime or something. That's the far better solution than just blocking someone away. That way, you'll get to know them better as a member of the community. No one is left out, everyone is happy.