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ssamie · 4 years ago

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thirteen. “til death do us part”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide, jumping off a bridge ;-; (nobody dies tho)

masterlist. suicide freak!

"well what happened afterwards??" kuroo asked kenma

the boys were in kenma's room chilling and playing games while kenma tells kuroo about his confession "uh.. nothing really" kenma said with a sigh

"she didn't respond but she didn't really reject me either" he said "she had a call from her agency saying they needed her for something and she had to leave"

kuroo was visibly disappointed at the result, patting his friend's back as he let out a sigh "well, like you said, she technically didn't reject you" he said "plus, she's been fawning over you for a long time. im pretty sure she likes you back"

kenma furrowed his brows and shrugs. "sure i guess.." the pudding head muttered

"cmon, kenma! don't get all sulky on me now!" kuroo exclaimed. the boy laid back on the bed and pulled out kenma's phone, placing it between them and began counting

"ten.. nine.. eight..seven.. six.."

"what the hell are you doing?" kenma deadpanned "im counting down the seconds it takes before y/n tells you to meet up or something" kuroo explained

".. five.. four.. three.."

"im pretty sure it doesn't work like that-" he was cut off by the loud ringing of the phone. the caller id was shown, revealing it to be y/n herself. kuroo jumps up and cheers, yelling and howling in happiness as he ruffles kenma's hair

"kenma, i told you!!" kuroo exclaimed excitedly "dude, i should be a fucking psychic"

"no, you shouldn't"

kenma picks up the phone with shaky hands. he sends kuroo a wary glance, who simply gave him a thumbs up in return. his trembling fingers answered the call, and then pressed the phone to his ear

"h-hello? y/n?"

"kenma! how's my favourite pudding-head doing? ow-" she asked

kenma furrowed his brows as he heard her wincing from the other line, undoubtedly from pain. "um.. are you okay?" he asks worriedly

"oh yes, of course i am" she answered way too quickly for it to not be suspicious "but i do need your help for something.. come to the same bridge from last night" she said in a serious tone

kenma gulped as he made various frantic gestures to kuroo, silently asking for his help. though kuroo was no help since all he did was smile blankly while holding up two thumbs up

"um, okay! do i go there now or..?"

"yup! bye-bye ~"

kenma then let himself drop to the ground as soon as the call ended. he felt like turning into a puddle and drying up from the nervousness flowing through his whole body at the moment

"k-kuroo.." he mumbled "dude, you okay?" kuroo asked with a chuckle "like i said, y/n is definitely responding to the confession!"

"yeah okay-" kenma grumbled

"but please help me up. 80% of my nervousness is now in my knees. i can't stand."

kenma nuzzled his nose into his hoodie, covering half of his face as he nervously approached the riverbank. like he said beforehand, his nervousness has traveled down to his knees and it seems that it still hasn't left.

"hey hey hey ~ over here, kenma!" she yelled

kenma looked up to see her waving her arm around like a madman. though, one of her arms were in a sling, and she just looked quite roughed out more than usual

he jogged over to her with a frown while eyeing her obvious injuries "hey, what what happened to you?" kenma asked her

"oh this? this is nothing" she said with a laugh "i somehow broke it during a mission last night, but not to worry, the ever so lovely yosano-san cured me" she laughed nervously

"ah yes.. yosano-san.." she shuddered

it left kenma thinking of what could have possibly been so bad about getting cured. though he left it be and paid no mind.

"so why did you call me?" he asked her. he was feeling quite anxious at the moment and he was feeling very thankful that she wasn't acting indifferent towards him

"well, i called you over for multiple things" she said

"firstly.."

kenma gulped as she paused dramatically, leaving him to anticipate whatever it is that she has to say

"i need you to play this game for me so i can pretend to be better than chuuya." she stated with a straight face. she then handed him her phone, which had the game's chat open and had chuuya laughing and teasing her

chuuya's messages consisted of 'you're such a fucking loser' and 'you suck balls' among others.

"what?" kenma sweat dropped

"please! that munchkin will get too happy if he wins one more time!" she pleaded

kenma sighed but did as he was told. he was playing the game while she watched him with sparkling eyes "kenma! you're a lifesaver!" she exclaimed once she had won the game

"could you imagine me losing to chuuya?!" she scoffed out with a grin "gosh! my ego wouldn't be able to handle such torture!"

"now, secondly.." she paused once again "eat this ramen with me!"

kenma sweat dropped as she had randomly pulled out two cup ramens, which for some reason are both hot and in well condition

"where did you even get that?" kenma asked her with a soft laugh

"that's a secret! but did you know-" she mused "the reason i got this for us is because ranpo-san told me about it. apparently, its a 'deathly spicy ramen' and he wanted to refer it to me"

kenma blinked at her but smiled anyways "wow. so then im assuming you're expecting us to die from this?"

"its worth a shot!" she cheered. she handed him chopsticks and sent him a cocky grin "i'll let you know i can handle spicy food quite well"

"so if all else fails, i packed a ghost pepper just in case-"

"please put the pepper away <3"

kenma sighed as he reluctantly ate the ramen, slurping on the noodles and soup as tears brimmed his eyes "im not very good with spicy food.." he muttered as he fanned his mouth

"finish it!!" she exclaimed, though tears has also brimmed her eyes

"you're in the brink of tears too!" he groaned in agitation

"these are tears of happiness! i can almost taste the death looming over us!" she exclaimed with a grin

after finishing the very spicy ramen, she had unfortunately concluded that it was, in fact, not deadly. in the end, the pair had to run to a nearby food stall to buy some drinks

and as they were drinking, y/n had once again perched herself onto the flat surface of the metal railings, letting her feet dangle as they watched the sunset in peace

"y/n.. about last night.." kenma muttered out nervously

"ah yes, your confession?" she chuckled "no need to worry about that. i already know what im gonna say.."

kenma blinked in shock, frantically averting his eyes from her and to the ground as he felt his anxiety rocketing

"which brings me to my third reason of calling you over.." she said "kenma, there's something i need to tell you" she said

her expression had gone aloof and the playful smile on her lips has now faltered "what is it?" he gulped

she took two steps back as she looked him in the eyes. her (e/c) orbs not seeming to give any hints as she peered at him

"y/n.. if you're gonna reject me then-" he was, of course, cut off once again as she suddenly pulled her 'injured' arm out of her sling and popped it out to wave at him

"boo!" she cooed out with a dumb smile

"what the hell." kenma replied as he blankly stared at her

she laughed and slipped the sling off, folding it neatly before casually throwing it down the bridge "did i have you fooled?" she chuckled "anyways.. about that statement you didn't get to finish.." she hummed

"what makes you think i would reject you?" she asked him

her bandaged hand patted the spot next to her, indicating that she wanted him to sit. following her wishes, kenma hesitantly sat next to her.

he was fiddling with his fingers as a huge and overbearing wave of silence washed upon them. fortunately for him, she wasn't looking so she couldn't see his trembling body, and the nervous look on his face

"well, i kind of assumed you don't like me since.. you kinda left me hanging last night.." kenma muttered

"hm, i did do that.." she hummed back quietly "what would you do if i said i liked you back?" she asked him

kenma couldn't see it, but it seemed he could basically feel her cheeky smile appearing "um.." he stammered

what would he do? he didn't really know. he didn't plan that far ahead. and kuroo was nowhere to give him some awful but doable advice.

"i-i don't know.." he stuttered out. kenma could feel himself heating up. its like his cheeks was on fire as he felt bursts of embarrassment and butterflies banging on his stomach.

"would you kiss me?" she mused

kenma froze up. he looked up at her, face beet red and eyes as wide as saucers, as he mumbled incoherent words

"well- no? i don't really know how to do that-" he stammered "or yeah- if you want- or um- i love you."

she chuckled and slowly faced him with a gentle smile "i love you too, then" she laughed

kenma has officially blown a fuse.

his face exploded into a bright red as he felt all the weight of the pressure and anxiety leave his body

"so, do i get my kiss now?" she asked teasingly

"uh well-" kenma muttered with a sheepish smile "i dunno how-"

he was cut off by a hand grabbing a tuft of his hair from his nape. her fingers tugged on his faux blonde locks as she pulled his face closer to his

"itadakimasu~" she cooed out

kenma.exe has stopped working.

once her lips had pressed onto his, his whole body tensed up. though a total contrast to his reaction, she was quite calm. obviously calm enough to shove her tongue down his throat.

their kiss was short but sensual. he took notice of how deliciously addicting her tongue danced against his. he definitely needed to ask where she got all those kissing skills from later on.

he may not like the answer since it was from chuuya, but let's not get into that..

she pulled away after a minute, her grip on his hair loosening as she pressed one last peck on his parted lips. she backed away and licked her lips to tease him.

"oh my" she cooed at him "if i would've known you taste this good, then i would've kissed you much sooner"

"u-umm.." kenma muttered bashfully

he was blinking sluggishly as his fingers lightly graze his lips, reminiscing in the feeling of hers against it.

"y/n.. will you be my girlfriend?... please?" he asked in a quiet and flustered tone. all the nonexistent confidence he had before has now fully evaporated away.

"of course." she mused

"wait-really??" kenma asked her with a look of disbelief and sheer happiness

he bit back a smile as he looked up to look at the setting sun, then back at her. her features were illuminated by the soft golden rays, making her look simply ethereal, atleast to him.

kenma was then brought back into reality as he felt the soft skin of her hand and the textured bandages touch his.

she intertwined their hands and brought it up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. she chuckled at him as he turned his head to the side, trying to hide his blush from her.

"til death do us part." she grinned

"okay, that was very sweet.. but when it comes from you, it kinda seems like you're about to kill us both-"

without uttering another word, she pushed herself off from the railings she was sat on, and tugged him along with her.

"y-y/n?! y/n!" kenma shrieked as he felt himself free falling in the air. his grip on her hand tightened as he nervously recoiled into a ball. the cold air hit his skin in the most nerve wracking way, leaving his skin with goosebumps and shivers tingling down his spine.

"so this is what it's like.." she mumbled

kenma looked over to her, the panic in his eyes gradually fading as he was met with her warm and love-filled orbs. she held the most tranquil and peaceful smile as she looked at him with a sense of joy and plenitude.

"y/n.." his lips quivered as he gripped her closer

she simply smiled at him as both of their hair flew erraticly due to the wind. the sound of the flowing water got louder and louder

until finally, they hit the surface with a huge splash.

she faintly heard loud and ragged breaths coming from kenma as he swims back up for air, hastily paddling against the strong current to drag himself and, her as well, back to land.

"I KNEW IT! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" he exclaimed once he catched his breath

she laid down on the grassy ground beneath them and closed her eyes. she had a faint smile on her lips as she mumbled under her breath

"double suicide.. im definitely not dying unless it feels like that.." she whispered

kenma's demeanour softened at her words. he laid down beside her with a huff, tucking his wet hair behind his ears and doing the same for her.

"if we're gonna kill each other, atleast tell me first." he sighed "also, drowning is definitely scratched off your list"

"well, you look like you can't swim so.." she chuckled playfully "that's not a valid excuse" kenma sighed, though a fond smile etched itself on his lips

they probably looked quite strange to other's perspectives, if anything, they looked like dead bodies that had washed up to shore.

but they didn't really care.

"also, that was a very weird assumption. do i really look that lanky to you?"

"yes <3"

kissing scenes are so weird to write, or at least for me ;-;

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hunterartemisanime · 4 years ago

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Noragami: Bishamon- the Archetypical Warrior Mother Goddess

Bishamon or Bishamonten from “Seven Gods of Fortune” in Shintoism is the typical “strong woman” trope character in a Shonen anime called Noragami: she is angry, she is beautiful and conveniently buxom for fans to drool over her. Termed by Yato as “ugly broad” Bishamon is fierce and coarse. However, she is not only that: she has a caring and nurturing side which almost caused her demise once and put her in danger over and over again. So this is my take on Bishamon and why she is the Eastern archetype of “Warrior Mother Goddess” instead of her Shinto persona.

First of all, let’s look what Bishamon actually is in the Classic Shinto religion. In Japan, Bishamonten (毘沙門天), or just Bishamon (毘沙門) is thought of as an armor-clad god of war or warriors and a punisher of evildoers. Bishamon is portrayed holding a spear in one hand and a small pagoda in the other hand, the latter symbolizing the divine treasure house, whose contents he both guards and gives away. His (because Bishamon is a male in Shintoism) legend derives from the Hindu Demigod “Vaisravana” or “Son of Vishrava”, who is known as Kubera the God of wealth. Both Vaisravana and Bishamon are associated with material fortunes and Bishamon is really a fierce version of Vaisravana, a well-fed, content and rather gluttonous demigod.

But how a god like Bishamon gets transferred in Noragami to a woman? It could be a design choice by Adachitoka to create a contrasting female character who could meet Yato in a more Godly plane. But I can see some clear Hindu influence in Bishamon’s design. She is inhumanly beautiful, fierce, perfect body and with rapunzel length hair. Her design is very similar to the Warrior Goddess Durga. In the “Meditation of Durga” she is described as

“the one with great length-ed dreadlocks in her head...whose face is beautiful like the full moon, whose complexion is as fair as flax seed flower...whose beautiful teeth sit on her full lips, whose full breasts hold the elixir of immortality*-- (Meditation of Durga, verse 1-3)

The physical description of Durga has uncanny similarity with Bishamon. the Goddess is also called “nabayouvana sampannang, sarbabharana bhushitang” (who is young and clad with fantastic jewels). Bishamon may be young and beautiful but she does not wear any eastern jewels: she is rather clad with her regalias posed as weapons, navigation and clothes; thus it isn’t far off.

It is not only the superficial physical appearance that are similar with Durga and Bishamon; they also share some character similarities. The traditional Bishamonten is not known to have a mount or Divine Familiar, Bishamon in the anime on the other hand does a divine familiar in the form of mount: Kuraha, who takes the shape of Lion and can travel in the air. This is an iconic similarity with Durga, whose divine mount is a lion. In “hymns of Gandhesvari” Durga (or her Gandhesvari form) is described as “Simhasta” (the one who rides a lion). Durga is also known as “Simha vahini” (she whose vehicle is a lion). The Bishamonten is known to carry only one weapon, a spear, but Bishamon in Noragami has or carries multiple weapons because she has multiple regalia. In the “Meditation of Durga” the goddess is known to carry a goad, bow and arrow, executioner’s sword, discus, conch, mace, shield, rosary and the trident. Bishamon too carries multiple weapons: whip, guns, knife long machete etc, just like Goddess Durga herself. One part of Durga’s weapon is “Aveda barma” or the “impenetrable armour” forged by the ironsmith of the Gods, Vishwakarma (the forger of the universe). Bishamon wears a full blown armour by her regalia Aiha when the Ebisu-crisis occured and she had to journey to underworld.

Now, in the parallel of two warrior goddesses who seem to be far from society’s idea of ideal femininity, where does the nurturing part fit? According to the Hindu mythology Durga is only a fragment of the ideal femininity: the rightful rage of “Adi Shakti” (Ancient Energy), the Female mother goddess. (Excuse my jargon) in the “Durga Saptashati” of Rigveda, the Goddess is described as “mother of all creation” (verse no 3) and at the same time she is described as “creator, sustainer and destroyer of the world” (verse no 4) of which she is the Mother. Bishamon has an extensive collection of regalia: she does not discriminate who is weak or who is useful, she takes everyone in as her own according to Noragami Wiki:

“She willingly accepts any wandering and troubled spirit, useful or not, and adds them to her family. “

She and her Shinkis live in Takamagahara which is the universe on its own, so she is the guardian and mother of her Shinkis in a way. Takamagahara is situated in a place which has golden hued galaxy as the backdrop of the sky. The form of Durga which alludes to the primeval Female Goddess is called “Bhuvaneswari” (she, whose body is the universe). The shinkis or regalias derive strength from her divine existence and they exist in a palpable form because of her. It again alludes to “Devi Suktam” (the introduction of the Goddess) where is has been mentioned:

“ I am the Queen of the Universe; I give wealth to those who worship me. I am the all-knowing one and the prime one among the worshippable deities. I enter many bodies as the Soul, taking various forms and with different manifestations, in various ways. ... That one who eats food, who sees, breathes, and hears whatever is said, he does all that only through me (my powers). Those who do not understand me, die. “ --(Devi Suktam, verse 4 & 5)

The sense of being center of the universe has brought a tremendous sense of loss and grief to the goddesses in many occassion. In the myths, when Goddess Parvati (the calm version of Durga) loses her child Ganesha, she assumes her rageful spirit again to destroy the universe that has taken her child from her. Bishamon has faced tremendous sense of loss and grief when she lost her “Ma” clan due to the malefic thoughts of the Shinkis--an action which blighted her tremendously. She too assumes a vengeful spree towards Yato, who allegedly slaughtered her “Ma” clan.

In short Bishamon is a great representation of motherly strength in anime field: the term “mother” often evokes a sense of tenderness, security and comfort, but it has been proven in the ancient myth that bringing life into the world and the sense of protectiveness towards life is the most powerful energy of all: it can make an break everything in existence and when the motherly tenderness is challenged it can manifest in one of the most destructive forces in the world. Thus the “ugly broad” “stern powerhouse” persona is only skin deep. The essence of Bishamon is far greater and more empowering.

* In ancient India, full breasts of a woman, which are swollen with milk was granted as a symbol of motherly power, nourishment and comfort. A woman with moderate breast size or small breast size were considered equally beautiful. In fact talking about sexuality in religious and secular discourses by scholars and sages were acceptable. It has no sexual connotation whatsoever. Please don’t perverse it in any sense.

...

wow that’s a lot, now tags (although I have no evidence that they like Noragami)

: @sidd-hit-my-butt-ham @yanderebakugo @kurokonbscenarios @kurokonobasket @kurokonoboisket @art-zites @idinaxye @sp-chernobyl @strawbe3ryshortcake @reservethemoon @rilnen @a-shy-potato @thirsthourdemon @animebxxch @edagawasatoru @akawaiishi-blog @reinyrei @chloe-noir @theswahn @ahobaka-trash @jeilliane @trashtoria @scarlettedwardsposts @quirkydarling @ghostieswaifu @levihan-freaks @hope-im-spirited-away @yves0809 @marshiro1101 @bubziles @heartfullofknb @kit-kat57 @akichan-th

#bishamon #noragami #ugly broad of noragami #bishamon goddess #shintoism #durga #noragami analysis #feminine narrative #anime analysis #girl power #mother goddess #shintoism rigveda #vedas

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wychive · 4 years ago

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𝙮𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 — 𝙝. 𝙝𝙟

fic type // letter fic - 2.0k words

summary // hyunjin finds his pile of hidden letters for you and he decided to write one last time

pairing(s) // hyunjin x fem!reader, hyunjin x oc

genre(s) // PG16 & angst

warning(s) // mentions of food, cussing

author's note // hello hello the second part of unspoken words is here <3 im sorry you all had to wait such a long time! but here is hyunjin’s pov from the first part which is y/n’s pov. please listen to coldplay’s yellow while reading as it was the inspiration for this! this is slightly crappier than the first but its okay :’) i hope you all enjoy this! thank you for reading muah muah

general taglist // @omigogames, @crvgio, @luthenia

send an ask to be in my taglist !

[20/03/14, 10:30pm]

hey y/n/n,

im writing these to let out some things i've been holding in,, some of them i cant say in front of you because im so scared of what will happen, to you and more importantly to us. i'll write another one soon, goodbye.

- your jinnie

[19/04/14, 03:00am]

hi hello dumb dumb,

your smile was gorgeous, as always. i just wanted to say that because you seem like you've been in the dumps lately. i hope everything is okay at home. i'm glad we video called today, you seemed so alone. if i were you, I'd say thank you, haha,, i'm bringing you something tomorrow. i hope you like it since you always liked these sweets. i'm bringing some for our new friend too! i'll see you tomorrow, princess.

- your prince hyunjin

[19/05/15, 12:30am]

hi lovergirl :)

i hope you have a really good birthday, i can't wait to see you and yeon. were gonna have so much fun at the beach, with the sand in our feet and the salty wind from the sea. i'm bringing my disposable camera tomorrow and i hope we'll use it well. other than that, i hope to see you happy for the rest of our lives. promise me to stay strong? thats my best girl! thank you for being here since the start, i can't imagine how life would be without you. i love you so much, lovely.

- your lil berry jin

[09/06/15, 08:39pm]

hey y/n/n,

i hope you're doing well there at home. you're probably dying of hotness and boredness without me hehe,, but i'm sorry, it's called a family trip for a reason. germany is so pretty and it's wow… you would love it so much. maybe i'll take you here one day, just the two of us :) i mean, yeon can come too if she likes, it's no biggie. but,,, you, yknow? for old times sake. by the way, do you know why yeon keeps calling me? she says it's because she's bored but i'm not sure if i quite understand,,, as you're bored too. why don't you both be bored together? the trio will get back in the fall don't worry about it but for now you guys be lonely together :>

- your puppy, hyunjin

[15/06/15, 2:19pm]

hey y/n/n,

i bought you some local snacks. i can't wait to see you again. i love you, dork.

- your hyunnie

[30/06/15, 3:00am]

y/n,

i'm glad to see you still being.. you even after we stopped talking regularly. yeonnie tells me you've been trying to interact with others at your school? i'm so happy for you but don't forget me loser hehe. i'll see you soon, hopefully, alright?

- your dandelion, hyunjin

[18/07/15, 2:15am]

yo y/n/n,

i hope you're doing okay. i think i have feelings for yeon but i'm not sure,,, i just get butterflies when i'm around her and i think she has it too. what do you think? maybe i can confess to her soon? idk why i can't tell you this, directly i mean. am i scared? i don't know. im sorry we talk less than we already do. i really am. maybe i'll text you later, who knows. i'll see you soon.

- your starlight, hyunjin

[25/07/15, 5:00pm]

hi,

it's been a while. i guess you heard that yeonbin and i got together a few days ago. i dont know why i'm writing a fake letter to you when we don't talk anymore but i hope you're not too surprised over it. she's so incredible, y/n. she makes me so so happy, i don't even know how she does it,, and her little dimples. god, i may have just met the love of my life. she radiates such a blue-ish colour. i see a little bit of you in her everytime she smiles though, is that weird? no- i don't know-,, i think you'll say 'i think you're in love with me instead of her' and you'll put on a smirk. dumbass. well, i'll figure it out soon. see you around.

- hyunnie

[25/05/15, 04:30am]

y/n/n,

i think i still love you.

- your angel, hyunjin

[20/??/15, ??:??]

im sorry

y/n i'm so so sorry that she did that to you. i had no idea she was this cruel. i told her that y'know maybe i still love you. keyword maybe. she freaked out. this is all my fault. y/n im so sorry please forgive me, she went through my stuff without asking. i don't know what has gotten into her lately. please, please, forgive me. oh how i could just hug you right now if i weren't so selfish. again, i'm so so sorry.

- hyunjin

[15/12/15, 5:00am]

hello

i miss when we used to stay up and stare at the stars while they shine for us. i miss your stupid questions whenever everything was quiet. i miss the way you would kiss my forehead when everything was going numb. i miss you, so so much. please, come back. i don't care if you would be my best friend, please, just be in my life again.

- the one missing you

[01/01/20, 12:00am]

hey, you

happy new years! its been a while, hasn't it? i hope you're doing okay. i am, too, fortunately.

im writing you for the last time to tell you something i should have,, many many years ago.

i love you, sweet moonlight. i'm sorry i didn't say it sooner. i wish i did, i wish i was the one holding you through the night. i wish i was the one who makes you smile every day. i wish i was the one who made you breakfast in bed on our anniversaries. i wish, i wish, i wish i was yours, y/n. i don't know why i'm releasing so late that i should've asked you out after that failed attempt. im sorry, y/n, that i made your life such a burden. i'm so sorry that i loved you so much that i let you go too early. i'm so so sorry.

i would go back to you if you'd let me. i would be your best friend again if it made you happy. i would be your boyfriend if we fell in love. i would turn back time if i could, to go back to when i confessed to yeonbin. it should've been you, y/n. it was always you. please, i want to feel your touch and your soothing voice. come back to me, because i would go back to you. i love you, i love you, i love you.

i miss your smile that gives off yellow. i miss the yellow flowers you used to give my sister when she was down. i miss the yellow hat you used to use all the time. you're my favourite colour, y/n. you're my yellow.

- the one that made a mistake, hwang hyunjin.

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romy350-romyakari · 5 years ago

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Since I'm okey with people calling me out here I will unleash my humble opinion on a matter that makes me roll on my seat because is so funny as it also is so... uhmmm "weird" to have in count.

Take it as the writers huge mistake what I'm going to point out in a bit.

I guess I'm still salty even after 5 years. Is confusing at best and I'm adding this after writing all of this. Is a lot to read so please just know is a huge ramble.

aka me rambling over what I feel on rewatch been no longer that young

Is part of our experience judge that to some degree.

Characterization is important, it defines who we see on a story and is better if there are consistend or if their inconsistent have a good reason to be.

Well I was young once and could miss mistake like the 180° not so justified turn of events on a main character. I realize some years later and can laugh about it because it makes no sense.

I'm going to explain the case of Angel's Friends cartoon and that huge mistake from their characters.

Like I am fond of the series because it was my first fandom. But still I can't unsee this as you can guess.

Let's begin with the nature of something they like to state early on the cartoon show which was really cliché but angels were the goodie two-shoes and devils were the bad guys im general. Simple but not so simple for them to keep in rule it seems.

I like to imagine they respect some of the calm and more expected nature of the angels and the chaotic and up to no good ways of the devils like the Original comics did for both of them but we wouldn't be here on my post if that was the case.

It was quite a mess how the cartoon take the character since the side character could be so plain that you forgot that they were doing something till they were support help to their own side been angels or devils.

But again with the stuff that make me roll off till now and nobody on the show says a thing about.

They freaking mess up with their own statment of Sulfus on the cartoon show and they can't tell me no they didn't. Is hillarious and let me tell you why.

They may say on that thing how "loves make you change" but this one could be taken for a fool and is really lot coming from me.

They present him lot more chaotic and really problematic on just chapter 1, it did give an impression but everthing goes down hill a bit from her and on.

As the plot of first season is the villianess doing hidding matchmaking and poison of love plan that seem to turn into a real love story for this chaotic case of the female lead Raf an angel and the male lead who is Sulfus a devil so she could scape limbo to the terrible consecuenses that bring over a trully huge rule on the series wich is part of a magic code of not interfering with each other party and less uhmm a kiss, you really see lot of stuff go on here and mark my word is not like "oh no this is not safe for the kids" but is not quite recomended for them peraphs.

This doesn't make sence but i think the villianess plan was an excuse to showcase the romantic tension and ovearlod or romantic takes.

I can't watch the series withouh some wather to pass the taste of "i thinks this is too much"

But this mention has a meaning behind since i need to state this and the huge overload on the romance we get because i believe is a guge thing that affecter how they write the characters on the cartoon show .

They really did bad to Sulfus uh? Like most of the show. You wouldn't qish to have to deal with chapter 1 Sulfus as asigned rival, he seem to be a big deal on the devils group because how remacable chaotic he was but that didn't last long.

The villianess plan was a match making one since he and Raf break a rule that is used to her advantage she would lead them to comith a sacrilege which would really shake that magical code that they should not mess with. It causes huge dissasters and mess btw.

There is s small time gap before the love poison the villianess send on a spider that she encomended her only servant with leaning it to find the pair of eternals she was targeting. On that gap we still retained normal characterization for Sulfus but the episode went down hills on characterization pretty quickly.

It was so uncalled for the way they set the situation of the bit from the spider tho... idk if blame the spider at all because actually the romance would no have a foot at all if the writers didn't bend Sulfus as a character like the extend they did.

There is this huge point they state that their romace was not because of the spider bit that later i think is kind of acknowledge but is quite confusing if they wat to justify some fated love.

Anyways from then on we see how literally did soften Sulfus character to the point he been devil makes me wonder why nobody call him out about it like there is this expectation they stated us the normal was been that troublesome chaotic for devils but they seem to just let it pass from then on. I am still laughing because he actually change so much that rewatch episode one you can just laugh because at that point you know he will became a softie later that is actually bad for him as a charcter since there is little to non struggle on why he is behaving that way or if he wants to undertand this changes at all.

There is near to non thinking on him since idk, it should peraphs feel more comflicting with all stated but he just misses the cue and goes for it on ocaccions?? Is quite weird he is so open to forget the only rules the devils respect. The no involve themselven with angels matters pr the angels themselves unless is about work.

Was is the spider? Who knows they smke it confusing after the trial episode and then the movie came and idk if laugh to the villaness of some fortune teller since wow she was lucky on that scape uh?

They literally make him datable material for the female lead and is a sad thing but well, the cartoon show itself could acomplish as the one with most romace scenes/moments of all time for a cartoon show, not well written but it has them. And maybe the one with an exclusive kissing sequence [no it was not just a few seconds for the kissing scene, there was a freaking sequece of it if i recall well and i recall it as something thar they put budge on it for some reasons since they did a 360° turn around on the sequence even] is impressive comoared to other european cartoons that claimed to have romace on the tags and give you a but here and there while this was like a full bag of the bread but questonable if is one you will like lol

You know the writer forgot many stuff when then Sulfus was the one trying to remind Raf the rules but follow behind her because who care love is a fool or so writers say on those chapter after the half of season 1

If you cringe is undestandable, I cannot rewatch in a full go as I used to when I was younger, i could because i let so many stuff pass.

Sometimes I wonder why even follow this plot idea when the Original comics had a great plot a great characters.

The most consistent Sulfus I know so far is Original Comic Sulfus, that is entretating to read and he does not change much from who he is, he may be a may character and this yime kind of falling in love with the Raf there but well, is not quite the deal since is explained this weird odds of the posibility of anglels and devils with training on 99% not be complete perfect and could end up with a crush or so but all is just momentary and will vanish once they reach 100%. Is onsided crush thing since the live interest for Raf is a human on the Original Comics and that, again, is a prohibited thing, the magic code is not applied between angels and devils but between humans and eternals here.

Back to Original comics Sulfus is quite funny how he figure out he is having a crush, btw they all pre-teen kiddos apearance wise except for the master of the school program while the cartoon show present them as teenager lookalike, and really he does struggle and bit on that whole process of realization. It seems Original comics Sulfus give hint of it but it was subtle changes that yeah it was nice details, maybe is even sad how he just decides to be subtle about it and do nothing big since is not something he would bother much aside there is bigger issues for angels and devils, that characters I like of that characterization is that he will still be who they state him to be but subtle changes mark that realization.

And the rest of the cast is just as cool on ther characterization, you see somtimes little on some of the characters but they don't lose thar cool characterization they had from the start and is so welcome from me as a reader.

A shame they cancelled the good comic because of the cartoon show, really a shame. I will be sad about that till the end of my days because iwanted the resolution of all major a smaller struggles were cool to read.

I have no idea how they funded a movie and a second season of the cartoon show and idk how their live action somewhat based on some fact of the cartoon show went.

But to make thing short here the resume:

Cartoon show mess it up big time with characterization and we lost cool orginial comics thanks tho the cartoon show, that would be all.

You fan cring or be sad about it and I will get it.

Yeah I"m still bit salty about that.

#Angel's Friends #AF #cartoon #comic mention #random rambles #I'm still quite salty #chapter 12 of the orginal comics will never be forgotten in my heart because it haunt me to this days nobody told knows a thing about it.#i will forever wonder what give the qriter the confidence to aprove what whent down on the cartoon show #i wonder how did the animators of that 360° turn around feel having to animate that thing #i doubt i will forget about his any time soon #there is the case of Gaby but oh that one hurts. they did so so much wrong Gaby. you deserved better that what cartoom show did #resume is original the teams where 5 angels 5 devils on the comics. on the cartoon show they have 4 on the angels and 4 the devils.#guess eho they take out of the angels group??? Gaby was out the group can come just for a few episodes as an extra character on season 1 #he is nothing like on the original comics and that hurts. also he was used as a plot device 😭🥺#THE AUDACITY I TELL YOU. i am bitter because the also take Ang-lee out of the hroup and he became backgroud extra. he didn't say much on th #orgimal.comics but habe some od the moments fro the groups that show some point like maybe angels and devils can get along sometimes.#little stuff but uhhh... maybe I'm salty to fill the hole on the angels group they created Sweet. that is how they angels were girl group.#Mefisto was the one taken out of the devils gamag and became backgroud extra.#even is Ang-lee and Mefisto didn't add much they were nice to have around on the comics #maybe feel more alive the groups.#i could rant abou this and mention what I love of the roiginal comics but this wil get long #uhmmm #don't kill me please?

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toddykun · 6 years ago

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toddy, what do you think of donald and scrooge relationship in this episode???

oh anon, you just asked THAT question to my overanalyzing ass lmao thank u so much, i will indulge in this without restrictions ggg

little summary of donald and scrooge’s relationship in the episode: #TeamUncleForTheWin2k18 in a—more literal sense than expected. this gonna be a looooooooooooooooooooong post anon, so hold yourself. and take into account that this is my opinion and my interpretation so i could be right or wrong, we just dont know, so that :D

all those scrooge and donald’s bonding moments were wholesome and funny (i loved them with all my freaking heart is2g they having a better relationship is my fuel to keep living lmao) but there is still some things that are hanging on even after scrooge definition of family that is obviously about them so lets start

1. scrooge choosing donald immediately and ‘i was in the will?’ moment

after going awwww when scrooge excitedly goes around screaming game night and he immediately chooses donald and laughing my ass off because donald’s ‘i was in the will?’ line, all that got me thinking because i cant stop my overanalyzing ass lmao. why did scrooge choose donald and why was donald surprised to be in the will? the overcompetitive nature of scrooge answered the first one really fast, scrooge chose him, as always, because it benefits him for reasons, reinforced by the threat of them losing and removing him of the will, more than because he wanted them to bond over board games. this is actually not that weird for scrooge, he usually does this a lot, especially to donald. i actually have problems with this more because of the actual status of their relationship more than because scrooge did this, this will be explained with the next point so i will go with my second question.

why was donald surprised? there are two possible answers for this: 1. donald didnt ever really thought about the will matter, the theme is new to him so hes surprised 2. donald didn’t think scrooge cared enough for him to be in the will so hes surprised when he actually is. i will be expanding in the second one because donald could have thought various things from this:

1. he could have thought that because of scrooge’s greedy nature, the possibility of him having a will was nonexisting, he wouldn’t want his fortune to be someone else’s even after death, even when real scrooge would consider that a waste, the possibility of anyone being in scrooge’s will is a big ‘wait what’ to him 2. his board is the one getting everything lmao theyre the ones handling all those business stuff and that whats matter to scrooge, so why would anyone else be in the will? 3. if someone from the family was meant to be scrooge’s heir, it wouldnt be him, it would be only della, the twin that scrooge favored the most. definitely not him, the twin that scrooge reprimanded and dismissed the most. him? in the will? wtf? scrooge couldn’t care enough about him to put him in the will. but he does and whoa, wait what i am???? donald didn’t think scrooge would care, and that makes sense, this scrooge is terrible at really showing donald he cares about him outside from fighting and using him as bait. so, donald is surprised.

the good thing is, i actually see this version of scrooge having everyone in his will: the twins, the triplets (especially louie, hes probably his principal heir at this point lmao), webby, mrs beakley, launchpad, matilda (if shes alive), his parents (who are kind of immortal now?) even gladstone, fethry or grandma duck (if shes alive). leaving them all a special thing that would help them in some way, something with meaning for every person. especially to the twins, who are like his children. another good thing, scrooge is starting to show donald that he cares, enough to put him in the will and i hope this progress in scrooge showing him that he cares about him more than he actually shows him.

bonus: scrooge running stairs down with donald was precious and funny. 10/10. not bad, scrooge was just so excited. so cute.

2. ‘that’s why he chose him’, charades and non-verbal communication, understanding donald, and acting nonsensical moment.

‘ooooh, thats why he picked donald’, dewey just confirmed my suspicions about scrooge’s motivation for choosing donald, it saddens me but i expected it. again, not because scrooge did this because of his competitive strike but because he hasnt show donald that he would choose him even if he couldnt get something out of it. i want more scrooge respecting donald for who he is more than for what he can get out of him. i need scrooge choosing donald because he is family too cuz almost all the time he only chooses him for benefits. like overall, scrooge probably plays favoritism with the twins over anyone else in the family, but with the twins themselves? he favors della over donald, in an over ridiculous open way, he is really not trying to hide it. like, he recriminates donald for not being like della in the ‘17 comics? how fucked up is that? i try not to use the comics’ standpoint of their relationship because it upsets me honestly, they glorified della too much and abused donald too much. maybe because theyre from scrooge’s view of point? hes always going around talking about how great della was but donald? the series at least says that donald is actually freaking good, strong, smart and sharp and deserves the fandom getting over the top for him. the comics well….u know. but the thing is, the comics actually explain why donald is so surprised every time scrooge shows him affection or why donald looks not surprised when scrooge just uses him as a decoy, like bruh :/

‘you spent thirty years guessing what donald was saying, you must get good enough at non-verbal communication’ donald and scrooge are, not-so-surprisingly, good at charades (della must be too, now that i think about it, if scrooge and donald are almost unstoppable then the twins are really hardcore about it), this comes from donald having a speech impediment, something that probably led him to use a lot of non-verbal communication in the past. kids with especially difficult speech impediments to deal with rely heavily on non-verbal communication, usually because they develop social anxiety, insecurities and are overall scared of not being understood and being punished for it, especially outside of their safe circle (bullying, indifference, little to none social circle). baby donald probably suffered from this (who am i kidding, he definitely suffered from it, hell, donald is the most suffering classical disney character honestly the old comics are not even subtle about him being mentally ill and disabled), these kids can even stop altogether talking even to the ppl they know can understand them. all this comes into play if we assume that scrooge hanged with the twins since they were kids. hortense or not, grandma duck or not, scrooge spent time with the twins like he spends it now with the triplets. donald is not the most confident person, since he was a kid, for a good reason, he probably didn’t talk a lot as a kid with ppl outside his safe circle, scrooge comes to play later into his life so hes probably an outsider at the start of their relationship. but adventure needs communication for teamwork and to keep kids safe out there you need to be able to understand them and they need to understand you. this left scrooge with only an option: learn to understand donald, no matter what method he uses. charades? scrooge understands. ASL? scrooge understands. unintelligible gibberish? SCROOGE UNDERSTANDS! wow, hello, lost confidence.

that probably boosted donald’s confidence quite greatly. an outsider, uncle scrooge that is grumpy and kind of asocial, gave the effort to understand little scared and unintelligible donald that probably only his twin and parents until now could understand perfectly. if that didnt bust his confidence idk what could. points for scrooge for being a great uncle!

for all this, he hasn’t told donald he doesn’t understand him because he does understand him, almost perfectly (like the triplets should do, just saying), he isnt going to have an ‘i dont understad you’ moment…..yet i expect it doesn’t happen or else, im gonna cry, first the triplets who had lived with him all their life? and now scrooge who webby said has spent at least thirty years with him? fucking come on. if della comes back and she doesn’t understand his twin brother perfectly im gonna cry, fucking honestly. donald needs to confidently talk with his speech impediment, excitedly, happy, almost unintelligible but with the confidence that there are ppl out there that do understand him and love him. i expect scrooge and della to be those ppl (not counting the caballeros, uno, storkules, and other family members, who can maybe understand him but arent with him constantly to remind him to not let down his confidence in that matter).

also they fighting nonsensically is the best thing, because they do that a lot, they fight over the most ridiculous things and they act like that sometimes, just pure idiocy over the most unimportant matters is like their default mode is the best. they’re can be so ridiculously petty, i love them.

3. ‘team uncle for the win!’, hug and retreat and lets just shook hands moment

THEY HUGGED!!!!SO!!!GOOD!!!!! wait no keep hugging what are you doing? show each other how much you care, you need it, you dummies, goddamit and now you’re shaking hands ok why not fucking god

well besides that, ‘team uncle for the win!’ was a beautiful, spontaneous and wholesome moment that i shouldnt overanalyze but i will anyways lmao i have the opinion that scrooge said that spontaneously but can be interpreted in a more literal sense to understand scrooge and donald’s actual status of their relationship. team uncle is literally for the win, it wouldnt exist if it didn’t fulfill that specific function, donald probably knows this team up is more a way for them to win, for scrooge to win. but when against all odds they are successful in jenga (lol) this triggers something in scrooge that genuinely burst him into an affection spring and makes him shout that, it was just a piece, they both know it but its almost the first time they have bonded in years and donald, who is particularly sensitive and reacts a lot to emotions, reacts as well with affection and excitement, and what happens when ppl sync up their emotions spontaneously like that? they are overflowed with it, they need to act on it, emotions are almost impossible to control, they’re unpredictable, quick and extremely powerful driving forces so what obviously happens? THEY HUG!!!! emotions made these two idiots hug, they havent hug in years!!! YEARS!!! and they hug again in years because they were overflowed with genuine affection!!! but like i say, emotions are quick and when they end, its like a slap of realization in the face, they go ‘omg i did that!’ and separate immediately, just to go and cordially shake hands? when emotions are involved, context usually flies out the window, they probably forgot ten years of separation in that instant, but when it ended all those years came back and made it kind of uncomfortable. so their ‘we’re doing this just to win’ attitude comes back.

but it was good! its a good start! i dont know if they showed each other this kind of spontaneous affection but without embarrassment, pre-della disappearing but it. is. GOOD. these two need as much fluff as the triplets and webby get. uncle-nephew/niece relationship is a big thing in the DuckTales universe, and for scrooge and donald to not have as much as the triplets get kills me inside. they need this the most, so i hope this season provides because it started well in that matter, i hope it progresses into unapologetic and genuine affection without embarrassing departings and weird shake hands.

4. helping him get up moment

completely underrated and wholesome moment, like there are no downs at this moment, its too good, they helping him up? nice. scrooge looking at them mad while protectively holding onto his boy who i remind you is in the will and for consideration, he’s one of his heirs (the other one being definitely della and very probably the triplets)? so nice. beautiful, i love it. mindless fluff this was. 10/10.

5. using donald as a weapon and scrooge’s definition of family.

like theres a difference between fighting alongside scrooge and being used to fight by scrooge. and here we see it, that even when scrooge is technically using donald, they are actually fighting together, its different from when scrooge just forces donald to danger and fights and you know why? because donald is doing it willingly. he is enjoying himself fighting, donald has shown from time to time that he likes to fight. so when he fights willingly and scrooge joins him, he enjoys himself, he is happy. like, look at his face, donald is into it, this is a duck that likes adventure and fighting, this is different from the gladstone’s episode and the ‘17 comics, where scrooge just pushes donald into things without his consent or knowledge because what? he thinks donald wouldnt understand? that donald is going to say no to protect his family if necessary? goddamit scrooge, if you took the time to let donald trust you and explain things to him, he would do the things you ask him, he is smart and u know it. this is one of the things where i hc the twins to differ, adult della followed scrooge almost blindly into danger, pushed by her own ambition and thirst for adventure, while adult donald, careful donald who was probably in the navy and has seen things and adventure spirit has matured, did not. i dont think scrooge took that as good as he should. scrooge favored della for throwing herself at danger just like that, confidently and recklessly, but would frown at donald, who turned around and asked why, who said no, who said but, who said this doesnt worth losing ourselves, who was again, too careful. so, scrooge decides to push him around, to see if this could trigger something, instead of talking him into it, and we know how hard it can be for scrooge to talk things trough. i dont think scrooge had any malicious intent but he didnt choose the best way into that and well, when you force someone into something they dont want, it doesnt end well. scrooge needs to learn to talk things through. also, scrooge needs to apologize, donald already forgave him but just that its not going to fix ten years of separation and past issues. scrooge needs to put his weight into this relationship too. and this probably starts with scrooge’s definition of family:

“You drive each other crazier than anyone could and still care about each other more than anyone!”

we have seen this particular definition of their relationship play into the old comics a lot, and in some low level in the series. but the thing is and i have pointed it out several times for the whole post, scrooge is not exactly good at showing donald how much he cares about him in the series to the point that it surprises donald when scrooge does show that he cares about him, and it makes sense that donald is surprised by it, scrooge had openly displayed favoritism for della saying how incredible she was but for donald the only thing he has really openly displayed is dismissal, comparisons to his sister and that scrooge usually just uses him to his beneficial. scrooge needs to learn how to show his affection to the twin he has left effectively, we know he cares, but donald doesn’t and for good reason! scrooge, show him your love for real!

in conclusion, their relationship is improving! it still needs time and adjustment and for scrooge to meet donald halfway into the whole forgiving the past stuff. however, they love each other despite everything and i think thats what matters the most :D they can do it! these ducks dont back down! AND…

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artmusicjoy · 6 years ago

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i just want to scream into an abyss

but i also want hang out with friends

but everyone is an ocean away (even though I’m meeting new people but haven’t reached out to them because I don’t know how to nor do I know how available they are but i feel better talking with them, is that because they’re cool people or because they’re people at all? also i’ve kept in touch with pretty much everyone from home anyway so why the fuck do i feel so alone?)

i just want a hug (i like hugs, ok?!?!)

i just want to talk (i don’t even know what about. something deep but simple and trashy but not pointless even though realistically everything is pointless)

i just want something (probably dinner, but I feel sick from eating so much earlier, or am i actually hungry again and just can’t differentiate the feelings because i’m fortunate enough to not wonder where / when my next meal is, except now that I’m feeding myself I can’t get off my lazy ass to take care of myself. or am I just joking about dinner because i can’t describe this want i actually feel?)

i want to do something

(God going back through this makes that part feel like shitty poetry^^^)

and now i’m going through to bold the original stream of consciousness so anyone reading can see how editing thoughts works, because I can’t even trust my gut on my emotions in real time. or did I just say i can’t trust myself because of a jaded character i was watching a few minutes ago? i can’t even trust my own commentary on my commentary. I’m a mess.

i want to scream and cry and laugh and run and dance and write and read and study and cook and break things and punch a wall without alerting my flatmates and actually feel like I’m close with them without coming across as weird for not getting to know them better the past month and just feel normal

but there is not such thing as truly normal so why do I care so much about being it?

would friends even help me in the long term or just distract me in the moment until we go our separate ways for the night or day or week or lifetime. as much as i love my friends and know they’ll want to help, I don’t want to weigh them down with my wellbeing. Especially since everyone has their own shit to deal with that’s arguably worse than mine. Yet if they said that to me, I’d reply “someone with a broken ankle won’t (or at least shouldn’t) tell someone with a sprained ankle that their pain isn’t real or valid.”

my is my default feeling so numb and so painful at the same time

why can’t I cry about this? like i physically have felt the need to cry in the back of my mind for the past like three weeks and have only gotten a few tears out

i need to get more done

even if more is crying

why am i bothering to fix any mistakes I type as though I’m going to post this

should I post this or would my friends worry too much? should I let my vent into the infinite abyss of the internet and maybe someone will relate and feel better by seeing it

or am i just typing so I can look through my thoughts like a diary while not talking to myself (like a crazy person in the movies)

is it even that normal that I can like feel the need to cry build in my life? do i really feel better when cry or is it just the relief of being empty (i just fixed two more spelling mistakes)

I keep telling myself in class that I’m motivated enough to work on the next project (or reading for my classes) and I even started an idea for one, but I’ll probably scrap it because it was so spur of the moment

and I’m behind on the dictionary project partially because I don’t give a shit, partially because I feel like I’m behind in the class when I’m really not, and partially because I feel like putting it off knowing I’l get it done eventually because I always do

I can boast never using an extension even though it means I’ve stayed up till 3 AM to write two paragraphs, only to stop at 3:30 to take a shower that I was putting off until I finished my work, as though disregarding my body’s health is the way to keep my mind from staying idle

and that was a year ago

now I just feel bad about feeling bad and not doing the things I know will help me

I fucking wrote my 300 level English final paper while my mom was packing up my dorm room so I could go home for winter break and have everything to be abroad. She was so worried seeing me work in the moment, so down to the wire. But so proud that I was able to buckle down and do it. Whereas I felt like shit for not doing it sooner. It was a topic I CHOSE and I LIKED IT. WHY THE FUCK DID I PUT IT OFF>!!>??!? I don’t even remember, probably because of my other, less exciting but way bigger project weighing down my spirit

if I just change my scenery then I’ll probably feel better

go to the common room to be on my computer instead of the same for walls of my room that I’ve decided were better because they’re private and nobody can judge me in here, but they also can’t get to know me and I can’t get anything (or much, I’m somehow doing some of the readings) done. You know, like a few other people do and then I’ll feel weird for only starting to do it now. idk

if I could just find another passion to keep me going, a new show or book

god i need to get the courage to go enjoy the library here. I feel so out of place there. nothing’s worse than feeling like a waste of space and a stupid piece of shit in a university library full of people like me who are probably procrastinating or struggling to finish work or even trying to figure out the English language because they’re from the freaking Netherlands and India and everywhere else

while im just the american in England who is struggling over something I probably wouldn’t feel if my life were just a bit worse. as though switching my life with some starving child in the arctic circle would make me feel better because i’d be too close to death to feel like shit and they could enjoy all the benefits I feel like i’m abusing by wasting away on my computer typing into a void rather than actually working to resolve my own issues

because maybe this post will somehow help me resolve things by putting them all out for others to see. or so i can reference it later. idfk

like “hi friends, I’m feeling like shit. Also I’m loving my time abroad, I had chocolate pancakes for dinner last week and I somehow feel like I have the right to complain about doing nothing and feeling bad about doing nothing.”

like knowing you’re a piece of shit doesn’t make you better than anyone because everyone should be trying to work towards a better self and more complete sense of self but i don’t even know where I’m going with this sentence, let alone my fucking life

maybe I should get a boring office job because then I’ll know what to expect and how to get my mundane task done instead of trying to build up the will to be my own boss as a writer and still never feel motivated to put my LONG list of ideas out into the world beyond my desktop

I seriously have over 70 pages of bulleted ideas, half of them are barely formed but i can’t bring myself to get rid of them because they might be worth something to someone one day

i wonder how future historians will deal with old laptops and the documents that were never shared there or the posts that feel so personal but so private as anyone can find them but only some will know the face behind my screen

do I want to share these thoughts with everyone? just close friends? or nobody, not even myself?

fuck it

To my friends: don’t feel obligated to read all this or reply. But you can if you want. Wow this sounds so manipulative, like reverse psychology bullshit. I’m sorry.

I’m second guessing posting all this. But after all the effort I put in, I think it’s important to have and remember or whatever.

here it goes

EDIT: two minutes later and I feel like an attention whore and feel bad and need to point it out before people (strangers mostly, but still) make that judgment of me themselves. And now feeling like more of an attention seeking piece of shit for pointing it out. why is my brain so broken

would I ever really talk like this face to face? will people see me differently after this? i... whatever

#long post #vent #my thoughts #mental health

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kurtwarren54 · 4 years ago

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Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester

Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.

WEIGHT GAINED

I haven’t tracked my exact weight for JUST the first trimester but at my 16 week appt I had gained 9 pounds which my dr said was normal and on track! I will say the pounds started packing on WAY faster this second time around. Almost to the point I was freaked out. But you have to think that everything is growing and taking shape faster and as long as I am on track with my doctor I am feeling great. It is always also strange coming off fertility treatment into pregnancy because I am not fully myself. I had been doing fertility medication for almost a year and that always adds some start weight. But, like I said, it’s all part of my story. All part of my process. And honestly, the fact that I am here, it all doesn’t matter. I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy baby!!

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY

Nausea

GOOD GOD. My nausea was 10x worse this time around. At 6 weeks, I went on diclegis prescription for nausea and took 2 pills at night. Despite being on meds, I still struggled through most of my first trimester with extreme nausea. Luckily I did not have vomiting but man… the nausea was REALLY bad. To be honest with you, none of the “tricks” worked for me either. Sure snacks, small meals, ginger, etc etc but nope. Massive unrelenting nausea. The hardest part about it is that being the mom to a toddler means you don’t have the luxury of resting like you do as a first time pregnant woman. Having to take care of an active child while struggling with feeling ill is miserable. I have to thank Blake for pretty much taking over the minute he would be done with work to help me as I was doubled over on the couch. It was rough. And rough knowing just how long the first trimester is. What I did make sure to do was ALWAYS have a snack in the mid afternoon. If I didn’t have some kind of snack between 2-4pm, I would be even more miserable. Saltine crackers were always on my nightstand along with bold chex mix, and goldfish.

Growing pains

I experienced some more intense round ligament pain in my groin area this time around. I noticed it mostly at night. Especially when I needed to lawn, or sneeze or make a bigger movement I would get a twitch of pain from it.

Pregnancy Brain

Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!

Exhaustion

I was a new level of tired being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Truth be told being in a pandemic didn’t help either. Not being able to take him places etc. I was very tired but the sickness bothered me more than being tired.

Constipation

Sorry if that’s TMI but wow the constipation was bad this time around. The first month or two was tough and I know it also has alot to do with how much progesterone is in my body. Since I wasn’t drinking coffee after my transfer right away, it was extra tough. I always feel like coffee gets me moving. HA! I know. So much TMI. You’re welcome.

Baby bump

This time around I feel my belly popped out a lot sooner! At 14 weeks I feel I had a tiny little bump. I am sure I will look back and be like, WOW that wasn’t much of a bump but it’s when I felt there was a defined transformation.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY

I think similarly to my first pregnancy, after so much loss (with each of our failed embryo transfers) you keep waiting and holding your breath as each week passes you by. Each week it’s own milestone. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh I will feel good once I hear the heart beat!” “Oh I will feel good when I hit the second trimester.” But really, I think there is always a sense of unease as you move through the process. I think it’s healthy to be a little bit nervous. It’s honest. I think things have just been more stressful with the fact that we are still in a global pandemic because of Covid-19. That has put alot of stress on us keeping our family safe during these times and staying as isolated as we can while also being aware of taking care of our mental health. We are very fortunate living where we do to be able to spend time together outdoors and that has been great for the mind and body. Really, I go to bed, and wake up every day just so damn grateful knowing that I am growing life and repeating to myself that I AM PREGNANT. And THIS IS OUR CHANCE. This is our miracle. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster to get to this point and really, despite any outside stressors buzzing around, I am just so grateful and smile so big everyday knowing that next Summer I get to make Otis a big brother.

WHAT I’M EATING

First trimester for me was CARBS. CARBS and MORE CARBS. Honestly most days I barely had an appetite because of how sick I felt but I know how important it was to nourish my body. So I would basically have to force myself to have my meals. ESPECIALLY when it came to dinner. I had no appetite at all at night. It was bad.

That being said, I didn’t have any coffee for weeks. First off because I avoid caffeine after my embryo transfer and didn’t feel comfortable drinking it until after I heard the heartbeat. At a certain point, when my nausea would allow in the am and I was in the mood for coffee, I started to drink it again. I started with decaf but then had some headaches and my doctor always encourages me to have 1 cup of caffeine to help with my headaches. What I was drinking and couldn’t stop was bubble water (or carbonated water) whatever you like to call it. I usually prefer lukewarm drinks but this pregnancy I was craving ICED COLD bubble water. We actually ended up getting this carbonated water maker and we literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. For some reason the cold bubble water just helped with my nausea believe it of not.

Thankfully eggs were a lifesaver for me and I could tolerate them. My favorite go to breakfast that didn’t make me want to throw up: a piece of toast, a tiny bit of mayo, and a sliced hard boiled egg with salt and pepper. I basically ate that every day. I also had a lot of bagels with cream cheese when I wasn’t feeling great. Food was just tough so we didn’t meal plan as much so I could eat more what I could stomach that day.

As the first trimester went on, I was able to eat more regularly. I always try to eat protein for breakfast (like egg) to help really nourish me. I also try to make smarter choices and slip some protein in my afternoon snack. My favorites: string cheese, chocolate covered almonds, toast or apples with almond butter. Don’t get me wrong, some days I have a bowl of chips, a cupcake, or something else that is naughty. I think it’s all about balance and sometimes, you just have to indulge.

HOW I’M SLEEPING

First trimester sleep was rough. With the waking up to pee almost every night that was one element. It’s likely the hormone changes that always get to me. Last pregnancy I had to take unisom to get some form of normal sleep. Since I started the diclegis at 6 weeks with 2 pills at night, I found that helped me sleep MUCH better. So for now, I am sleeping ok. Some nights are better than others. I do toss and turn alot.

EXERCISE

I didn’t really work out at all till at least around 10-11 weeks. Of course I was doing my daily walks with Otis etc and getting my steps in and my blood pumping. But I wanted to take it easy and honestly I didn’t have the energy to do anything before then. Starting at 11 weeks I started short 10 minute workouts on my elliptical that we have in our garage and Blake got me for Christmas. I try to do that, or just walk briskly on our treadmill for 10-15 minutes. There are weeks I barely get 1 “workout” if you even want to call it that. Basically I just try to get my blood pumping whether I am walking for Otis’ morning walk or doing something else. I also started prenatal yoga class (virtually online) every week and its been music ot my soul. Great stretching and a great time for me to sit and connect with my body and the baby. It’s something I really enjoyed while pregnant with Otis so it’s a sense of comfort being able to participate even from my computer at home.

MEDS IM TAKING

For most of the first trimester, I stayed on alot of my IVF medications. I stayed on my prednisone steroids till 9 weeks and then weaned down my estrogen patches as well as weaned down to 1 progesterone injection a day. During this time, I did get some hormonal headaches with all the fluctuations but luckily they weren’t horrible and only lasted 2 days. I finally was able to stop all my meds (with the exception of baby aspirin and my diclegis) at my graduation appointment from the fertility clinic at 12 weeks!!! This was a HUGE milestone after literally doing injections and taking medications for almost a year in prep for each of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles.

CHALLENGES

The biggest hurdles this pregnancy have been knowing and believing that feeling like crap would likely get better at the end of the first trimester. After a year of hormone meds, and then feeling awful my first trimester, a UTI, a yeast infection from the meds of the UTI (sorry TMI!!) I got to the point where being in my own skin was just frustrating. Being pregnant is a WILD things because your body is completely taken over. It’s beautiful in many ways and also still really emotionally challenging in others. I am so thankful to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the first tri. But anyone else that is “IN IT” my heart hugs yours mamas. It’s tough!!

WHAT I’M WEARING

I feel everything comes on sooner with the second pregnancy and the need for stretchy things came sooner. When it comes to leggings, I still wear my pre-pregnancy lululemon align leggings which are high rise and so stretchy as well as my alo leggings that are really soft and a little lower rise. Both still fit comfortably and fit over my growing body. Toward the end of my first trimester, I ended up buying these maternity leggings from beyond yoga and I LOVE them. They feel like second skin and are so buttery soft. They come all the way up over your bump or you can also fold it down to go under. Highly suggest them as they are SO comfy.

Also because I don’t leave my house often (because of Covid-19) I wear a ton of sweats. These sets from Michael Stars have been a guilty pleasure because they are SO soft and made of terry material. I also love my sweat set from Tan Lines that Sivan sent over. The material is SO soft and I feel like a cool mom in them. Although Blake made fun of my crop top sweater. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IS COOL!!! I do enjoy wearing more cropped tops when pregnant to let the belly have it’s little bit of room. I did end up getting one pair of maternity denim from jbrand that actually fit great toward the end of my first trimester also. Will report back when I wear them out. Equally stretchy too.

I did buy 3 bras from skims that I have been loving too. This scoop bra, this triangle bra and this nursing bra are all GREAT. I wanted to see what the hype was about with this brand and I have to say the materials are ON POINT. VERY comfy. If you plan to order, SIZE UP and size up big time. I got at least size L in everything because my boobs are enormous now and I feel their stuff runs small. I also have a ton of bras from Otis’ pregnancy. From last pregnancy, I have my hatch and bravado bras that I wear weekly also.

It’s different for the second pregnancy because you start showing and feeling bigger sooner (at least in my case) so you are in that in between period of not fully having a bump but feeling large and awkward if that makes sense. I have to say, a perk of pandemic life is the fact that I am mostly in lounge wear so I have been able to avoid real clothes for most of the first trimester aside from doctors appointments etc.

SELF LOVE

First trimester was just really challenging with not feeling well constantly. Hard to give yourself self love, in a pandemic, with no childcare help. If anything, I tried to listen to my body, and lay down when Otis was napping and try my best to give my body the much needed rest it was craving. Nearing the end of the first tri, showers and a blow dry were my self care routine and even an at home mani/pedi. Feeling better was already such a treat and allowed me the time to do some other things for myself. I think it’s just so important to listen to your body and slow down when you need it.

FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES

Purchases for me:

Skims scoop bra

Skim maternity nursing bra

Skims triangle bra

Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings

Aarke water carbonator

Lululemon align leggings

Summer fridays babymoon belly balm

Purchases for baby:

Kyte baby rainbow onesie

Kyte baby toddler blanket

Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)

Letterfolk sign

Masongrey baby bundle

BABY PREPARATIONS

So we didn’t do much to prep for baby in the first trimester except for me sharing our good news with my good friend (and interior design guru) Anne! She helped to plan out the interiors of our whole home including master bedroom, living and dining rooms, and most recently Otis’ nursery. I basically texted her and forced her to dream up Baby #2 nursery ideas so we are currently working on that! IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC.

WHAT’S NEXT

I am looking forward to more ultrasounds!!!! I can not WAIT for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks to get some more face time with baby. Other than that, it’s check off each week as an incredible milestone and try to remain as active as I can to help get my body strong for delivery again. It’s exciting to near the half mark and be buying things for baby, talking to Otis about the baby and just imagining our life together as a family. I honestly am still in shock everyday. I feel lucky everyday. Our rainbows have brighten out life immensely and I am so excited to continue to share our journey with you all. Big love from all of us.

The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

from Wellness https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2021/02/17/pregnancy-2-first-trimester/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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elizabethcariasa · 4 years ago

Text

Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester

Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.

WEIGHT GAINED

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY

Nausea

Growing pains

Pregnancy Brain

Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!

Exhaustion

Constipation

Baby bump

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY

WHAT I’M EATING

HOW I’M SLEEPING

EXERCISE

MEDS IM TAKING

CHALLENGES

WHAT I’M WEARING

SELF LOVE

FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES

Purchases for me:

Skims scoop bra

Skim maternity nursing bra

Skims triangle bra

Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings

Aarke water carbonator

Lululemon align leggings

Summer fridays babymoon belly balm

Purchases for baby:

Kyte baby rainbow onesie

Kyte baby toddler blanket

Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)

Letterfolk sign

Masongrey baby bundle

BABY PREPARATIONS

WHAT’S NEXT

The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

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arituzz · 8 years ago

Text

nineteen firsts and one last

-SNOWBAZ-

Summary: It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans.

Word count: 3.7k

Rating: T

Tags: tumblr au, friends to lovers, distant relationship, first meeting

Ari: This is just an edit from last year’s fic, because I didn’t like the format. Happy 20th birthday, Simon ♡

SIMON

I wake up to the doorbell ringing. I look at the clock. 5:59 am. Fuck. Who could it be at this unholy hour? Probably my father, coming back home drunk after a night of partying. Damn, why didn’t he stay in the hotel, as usual?

The doorbell rings again. “I’m fucking coming, dad!” I yell.

I put on some clothes and go to the door. I open it, ready to scowl at my father but, instead, there’s a delivery girl looking at me through her pointy glasses.

“Good morning,” she says. “A packet for Simon Snow.”

“Uhm… that’s me,” I tell her, a little bewildered.

She gives me the packet and makes me sign a paper. I tell her thanks and make to go back inside. “Wait,” I shout before she leaves. “Next time, could you come, I don’t know, in the afternoon? When I’m not sleeping?”

“Sorry, the sender wrote specific instructions to deliver this on 21st June at precisely 5:59 am. He even paid an extra and called the company to make sure we followed the instructions. Sounded rather bitter. I wouldn’t risk my job,” she explains. Ha. Like dying her hair blue wouldn’t risk it. Though, I have to say it looks awesome on her dark skin.

“Oh, in that case… Thanks. Have a nice day,” I wish her.

“See you later!”

I close the door and go to the living room, to open the packet. It’s a basket full of fresh-baked cherry scones and some blocks of butter. There’s a card with a note. It reads:

Some like it hot (page 38)

5:59 am - First breakfast to your door

I’d bring it to your bed if I were there

Baz

(Gampire Chaz to my Craigon Rain)

Oh my God. Baz. Right, it’s my birthday. It’s nice of him that he remembered. Baz is my best friend on tumblr. Well, he is my best friend, period. Although I’ve never met him in person, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. And to think that we used to be at each other’s throats!

When I first read the book A Charmed Life, I became hugely obsessed with its characters—i.e. the protagonist, a half-dragon named Craigon Rain—so I created a tumblr blog to obsess about them. At that time, there were very few people in the fandom: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain (Baz), rainchaz61 (Penny), tape-exists-and-im-glad-for-it (Agatha), trixiethelesbianpixie (Trixie), gampirhys (Rhys), so-noted-rainchaz (Niall), and craigonsnowrain (me). And we were like a little family.

But I hated Baz. And he hated me. We would make stupid competitions to see who had the most notes on their posts. I finally gave up because the fucker draws the most brilliant fanart. So I decided to befriend him and make some projects together.

A smile draws in my face as I eat the delicious over-buttered cherry scones. Just the way I like them.

I grab my cellphone to send a thank you message to Baz.

When I’m done with breakfast, I scroll down my dash on tumblr. No happy birthday message. Well, it’s still early. Not for Baz, though, he lives in England, so it must be the afternoon already.

I decide to watch TV for a while—I have nothing planned for today. The fact is that I don’t really have any friends in real life. I don’t know many people here in Nebraska, and the ones I know are complete idiots. So my plan is to stay in all day and read a freaking lot of Rainchaz fanfiction.

After a while, I turn off the TV and go to tumblr on my laptop. Oh, one notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link and it’s a beautiful doodle of me and Baz, fighting a chimera—as in one of the book’s scenes. I’ve posted some pics of me before, so he has references. The post says:

“Do it. Fucking unleash. Now.” (page 5)

First doodle of you (and me)

Baz

I hit reblog and add:

“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that.”

BTW it’s fucking WONDERFUL!! tysm <3

I’m reading a smutty Rainchaz fic when the doorbell rings again. It’s not that I’m gay, I just love the characters so much. And the smut is great, I love it. The authors in this fandom are just brilliant.

I look at the clock. 7:59 am. It’s still too early for dad to come and I’m not expecting anyone. (Ever.)

I open the door and the same delivery girl brings another packet, this time smaller.

She smiles at me and says, “You know the procedure.” I sign the paper and she leaves with a “See you later!”

“Later,” I reply.

I go back into the apartment and open the packet. It’s a book. The book. A Charmed Life. I go to the first page and, holy shit, it’s signed by the author! It’s so difficult to get a signed copy, I’ve been trying for months, but the author is not very sociable. She wrote:

To Simon Snow,

May you fight your own battles and forge your own wings.

Cather Avery

Wow. It’s perfect.

There is also a card with a note that reads:

“It’s the good things that’ll drive you mad with missing them.” (page 11)

First signed copy of your favourite book.

(I miss you even though I’ve never met you)

Baz

Jesus Christ. This is the best birthday present of my life. I take a picture of it to post it on tumblr and add: @gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain I wish you were here so I could hug you into oblivion! Thank you, best b-day present ever <3

I grab my old copy of A Charmed Life—don’t want to ruin this one—and start running through its pages. With all these gifts I feel like re-reading it. Again. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it.

It’s a Young Adult fantasy novel about a very special chosen one. A chosen who doesn’t want to be chosen. Craigon Rain is the last half-human, half-dragon alive. He’s never met his mother—that’s where he got the dragon part. His father wants him to take part in a battle that’s not his own. A battle against the vampires. At first Craigon—the half-dragon—obeys his father’s orders until he meets Gampire Chaz, a teenage vampire who finds himself in the same situation as Craigon, but on opposite ends. The two boys fall in love, defying everything that’s been established by their families and it’s precisely their love the thing that saves them all.

I identify myself quite a lot with Craigon Rain—my name is Simon Snow, see the irony. I never met my mother either and I also think my father is the responsible of everything bad that happens in my life.

Baz identifies himself with the antagonist, Gampire Chaz—only because he’s got brown skin like him, and their middle names rhyme. The moron.

My phones buzzes and I leave the book on the table. Another tumblr notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link. It’s an aesthetic with six pictures of us—separately, duh—and three pictures with vampires and dragons. It’s beautiful. Under the post, Baz has written:

“Strong. Graceful. Fucking ruthless.” (Page 14)

(You are)

8:59 am - First aesthetic of us!

Baz

I hit reblog and add: This is too much Baz. I can’t even!! tysm <3

I can’t believe any of my tumblr friends—we call ourselves raindrops—has wished me a happy birthday yet. Except Baz, sort of. I mean, he hasn’t said it explicitly. Penny lives in India and Agatha in France, I think they should have posted something by now… Now that I think of it I have no clue where Rhys, Niall and Trixie live… Well, Niall is clearly asian but that doesn’t mean that he lives in Asia. I don’t know.

I’m hungry. Thinking too much makes me hungry. Thinking makes me hungry. I go the kitchen to see if there’s anything to eat.

Nothing. Fuck. I’m gonna have to go buy something.

I go to the closest supermarket and buy some popcorn and a peanut butter cup ice cream. Perfect combination for fanfiction reading.

As I climb the steps to my apartment, I bump into the delivery girl from before.

“Hey, watch out,” she scowls and extends me yet another package.

I sign the paper and tell her, “later?”

“Later,” she answers, with a smile.

Once I’m inside, I open the packet—the third one today, and it’s only 9:59 am.

There are some papers inside the packet, a photo of a star, I think?

I read the note that Baz has left:

“Twinkle, twinkle little star!” (page 260)

9:59 am - First star

(These are official documents that prove that this star is named after you and is now yours.)

(Sorry I couldn’t give you the Universe, but this is a star-t.)

(Yes, I knew you wouldn’t understand shit of what the papers say.)

Baz

I’m at a loss of words. What the fuck. It must have cost him a fortune. Well, it must have cost his father a fortune. I guess they can afford it.

I send him a message on tumblr: got the star. what the actual fuck? speechless.

And then I add: why arent u replying to any of my posts? u ok?

Right after reading the first fic, halfway through my ice-cream, the doorbell rings again. 10:59 am. I’m guessing it’s not dad, just yet.

I open the door, and a familiar blond haired girl with the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen is standing there, looking bored.

“Agatha!” I scream.

“Happy birthday, Simon,” she smiles at me and kisses my cheek. “I’ve come to bring you your next gift.” She shows me what seems like a tattooer box.

I know what Agatha looks like and that she’s a professional tattooer. She’s posted several pics on raindrops faces day. And the rest, too. All except Penny. (She says she can’t be bothered to take a selfie.)

“Agatha!” I shout again. I still can’t believe it. “Come in,” I add.

We sit on the sofa and she gives me the next note. It reads:

“Flames and Blazes—The Art of Burning.” (page 203)

10:59 am - First tattoo

(This is a combined gift from Wellbelove and me)

(I made the design and she’s going to tattoo you)

(You actually asked for it, so it’s no surprise)

Agatha shows me the design. It’s a constellation. And there’s fire surrounding it.

“Simon,” she says. “This is going to hurt.”

“It’s wonderful, Agatha,” I say when it’s finished, looking at my back through the mirror. “You could’ve been gentler, though.”

“I was gentle, Simon, believe me,” she replies.

The doorbell rings again. I think that it has rung more in one day than in nineteen years.

“Lunch,” Agatha says, and goes for the door. She opens it. “Hi, Penny,” she says to the delivery girl.

What?

“Penny?” I ask, stupidly.

“Sorry, Simon, it was too fun seeing you all clueless,” she apologizes.

“I am still clueless,” I retort.

She takes me into her arms and gives me a tight hug. “Happy birthday Simon! Let’s have lunch. Where’s the dining room?”

“Uhm, here, in the living room. I eat in the living room.”

“Oh, your note,” Penelope says as she gives me the card.

“Because roast beef and Yorkshire pudding are fucking real as Rain.” (page 84)

11:59 - First roast beef and Yorkshire pudding from Watford

(Because you haven’t eaten real roast beef if it’s not from England)

(And Watford Restaurant serves the best one)

(Enjoy your meal)

Baz

We sit on the sofa and start eating our lunch. I’m so happy. It’s like we do this everyday. But I miss Baz. I miss him so much. Where the fuck is he?

We finish eating and Penny looks at her watch. “It’s 12:59,” she says. “Dessert is here,” she smiles wickedly.

“Open the door, Simon,” Agatha says.

I go for the door and open it.

Baz.

Baz is here. With a cake in his hands.

Baz is here. And I can’t hug him.

“Baz!” I say, grinning widely.

“Hey, Snow, happy birthday,” he says, and hands the cake to me. There’s a card on it, too.

“But he just stood there for as long as he could stand it. I don’t know how he resisted the pull; I felt like my intestines were going to burst out and wrap around him.” (page 167)

12:59 - First meeting

(I’m here.)

Baz

Baz looks like he’s trying to hide the huge smile that’s drawing in his face. But I can see it.

“Fuck, Snow,” he says, finally giving into the smile. “I wanted this to happen at 1:59 pm, but here you go.”

“What?” I ask

He takes out another card from the back pocket of his jeans and reads it.

“Trying not to crack a smile. Page 517.”

Then, he looks at his watch and adds, “ 1:01 pm, first smile. First real life smile from me to you.”

“The presents are getting better,” I say, trying not to smile from ear to ear.

We eat the cake on the sofa. Baz tried to oppose to it, but I don’t really have a table with nice chairs to sit down and chat while drinking tea. I’ve never had anyone come over.

We talk about our lives. Well, they talk about their lives and I listen. And look at Baz. His eyes are prettier than I had imagined. And oh my God, his skin. It reminds me of toffee. It has such an appetizing color it makes me want to taste it.

After a while, Baz leads us downstairs and into a cab that’s parked in front of my building.

The taxi drives for around twenty minutes before it comes to a stop. “We’ve arrived,” the driver anounces.

Baz tips him and gestures us to follow him. We enter a place called The Wavering Wood Cafe.

“Happy birthday!” Rhys, Niall, Trixie and other fellow raindrops I identify from tumblr say at the same time as I go through the door.

“Jesus,” I say. I’m stupefied. A surprise party. For me.

Baz hands me another card and our fingertips brush. He cracks an undecipherable smile and looks away.

I read the note.

“It feels like a party.” (page 40)

2:59 pm - First birthday party

(First of many to come)

Baz

I’m having a great time. It’s so fun talking to all my tumblr friends in real life. I finally got to meet Keris, Trixie’s girlfriend. She always posts pics of them together. (Penny finds it gross.) (But that’s personal. She doesn’t like Trixie.)

I keep giving glances towards Baz’s direction. I don’t know why I can’t stop staring at him.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s a tumblr post from Baz.

I open the link. It’s a fic. It’s called Snowbaz. Not Rainchaz. I read the summary:

“Because I’m disturbed.” (page 205)

“Ask anyone,”I think out loud, smiling. And then continue reading the summary:

3:59 pm - First fanfiction about us

Baz

I start reading the fic. It’s all fluff and love until the last part. Smut. I read it all. And love every word. Fuck.

I look at Baz. He’s already staring at me. I step towards him.

“Hey, Snow,” he says. “Ever tried a flaming shot?”

“I’m underaged, you know.”

“Not in my country,” he smirks.

“Okay, fine, give me a shot.”

“A flaming shot, Snow,” Baz says. “Here.”

He hands me a small glass of liquor and sets it on fire with a lighter. He does the same with his glass.

“To us,” he says.

“To us,” I reply.

He blows out the fire and drinks all the liquor. I mimic him. Ugh. I grimace.

“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire,” Baz starts saying, looking directly into my eyes. “He’s constantly drawing you in. And you’re constantly stepping too close. And you know it’s not good—that there is no good—that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then…”

“Then you burn,” I finish. God, his eyes are fire.

“Page 177. 4:59 pm, first flaming drink.”

“First drink,” I correct.

He laughs and orders a couple more.

We have a couple more shots and talk about our favorite AUs. We talk more than we drink.

Suddenly Baz looks at his watch, and then back at me. With the same blazing eyes from before. He stays silent, just looking at me, for a moment. He looks hesitant.

I think he’s going to kiss me.

But he doesn’t. He keeps staring. Some minutes pass. I stare at my watch. 6:10 pm. Where’s my 5:59 pm gift?

“Simon…” Baz starts, flaming shot in his hand.

And then I kiss him.

We kiss for a long time. Then I let go and make him reach for me. And we kiss again.

After a while, we break the kiss and smile at each other. I’m grinning. I can’t help it.

“I was going to say You were the sun, and I was crashing into you,” Baz says. “But I guess the best quote for this is And then HE kisses ME.” He can’t hide his grin, either.

“Page 342,” I say. “6:10 pm, first kiss.”

“Shite, what time is it?” He asks, already looking at his watch.

“6:50 pm,” I answer, moronically.

“Let’s go have dinner, Simon. You and me, only.”

“Okay,” I say. And I follow him to the next room.

There’s a small table for two with two candles. It’s always fire with Baz.

We sit down and he takes out another card.

“You smell like something I’d gladly eat, page 421,” he says, staring at my eyes. “6:59 pm, first romantic dinner.”

I blush.

After dinner, we all go to a pub. It’s called The World of Mages.

It’s great and I’m so happy to be surrounded by friends and the person I like. Baz. That’s new. Liking boys. No, not boys. Only Baz. Wanting to kiss him over and over again.

He takes my hand and says, “Want to dance?”

I nod and smile at him. I’m crap at dancing but I don’t care.

Baz puts his hands on my waist and leads me through the song. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

“I should have known that this is what it would be like to dance with Craigon Rain. Fighting in place. Mutual surrender,” Baz whispers into my ear. “Page 508. 7:59 pm, first dance.”

I place both my arms around his neck and slump into him.

We’re still at the pub. Dancing. Well, at least I’m trying.

“What are we going to do?” I ask him. “You’re going to leave back to England.”

“I know,” he answers with a crack in his voice. “We’ll figure it out, little puff.”

“Baz,” I say. “What’s the next gift? I think I have a better idea.”

“Huh? I was going to take you for a drive…”

“I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend,” I say. “Page 390.”

Baz looks surprised. He places both his hands on my face and kisses me, tenderly. “Of course,” he says. And kisses me again.

“8:59 pm,” I say. “First boyfriend.”

And I kiss him again.

After the pub, we say goodbye to our fellow raindrops. There’s a lot of hugging and kisses on the cheek. God, I’m gonna miss them.

“We have to do this more often,” I say. Even though I’m broke. But I’ll find the money somehow.

They all agree.

Once they’re gone, it’s just me and Baz.

“Let’s go back to my apartment,” I tell him.

“What if your father is there?”

“At this time? Not likely. He must be out, drinking again.”

“Okay,” he says.

We go to my apartment and settle in my room. It’s full of constellations on the walls. Because I love astrology. Hence the tattoo.

“Baz, you haven’t seen it,” I say.

“Seen what?”

“The tattoo, idiot!”

I take my shirt off and show it to him. He places his fingertips on my back and starts tracing it. The touch sends shivers down my spine.

“So beautiful…” Baz says.

I turn around and look at him. I reach for his shirt and take it off. Eyes locked on his. I close the distance and kiss him. And then my hands go down. I can’t stop myself. I kiss every spot of his dark olive skin. And I want more. And I can see that he wants, too.

So I take more. I take it all. And I give it all. To him. To Baz.

“Because we match,” I say after a while. My head is resting on Baz’s chest. Our fingers laced. “Page 420.” I look at my watch. “10:58 pm, first time.”

“When did you start giving yourself birthday presents?” Baz asks.

“I think it was when I did this,” I answer. And I kiss him.

“God, I love you, Simon Snow.”

“I love you, Baz.”

“Fell in love, didn’t you?” He smiles.

“10:59 pm, first I love you,” I say.

I go with Baz to the airport. I’m sad that he has to go. But I’m happy that he came. And he’s going to move to the States with his aunt, Fiona, next year. So I just have to wait for a year. And I’m going to visit him soon. Maybe for his birthday.

He looks at me with watery eyes. He holds my hand so hard it hurts a little.

“I’ll come to England, in a couple of months,” I reassure him. “And then you’ll come back. We’ll be seeing each other a lot. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

“When I come to live in America with Fiona, I’m going to haunt your door day and night.”

There’s a shout for all the passengers of the flight to Southampton Airport.

Baz kisses me, before letting go.

“Goodbye, Simon,” he says. “This is a first and a last goodbye. Because the next time I see you, I won’t let you go for anything in the world.”

“Go on, then,” I say. “Carry on, Baz.”

-FIN-

#snowbaz fanfiction #snowbaz #simon snow's birthday #carry on fanfiction #listen #i know this sucks #but hey it was from a year ago

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theskyexists · 6 years ago

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series 10 finale

can i just say- that thing, that they do in series ten, that thing where

the universe rhymes and if you really listen, you can hear its music?

that’s some good shit

‘what does he call you? companions? pets? SH-nacks?’ god michelle gomez is just! so! good!

‘time lords are friends with each other dear, everything else is cradle-snatching’ pfftjlkdjsfkalkds she’s got perhaps...a point? (not really, but)

‘these are my disposables, exposition and comic relief’ FULJSDFJSDFJ MOFFAT YOU he really went there. HE REALLY WENT THERE HALJSDKD

‘we’re not functions’ ‘darling those are genders’

ok????? hahahahahaha

wow, doctor who meta dslafldk and then a dab

‘is this the emotion that you humans call...spanking?’

‘are you human’ ‘oh don’t be a bitch’ ljsdldsajlfjlkdf (moffat got so surprisingly woke that he knows exactly what he can have her say, damn. and michelle’s delivery what the hell so good hahaha)

oh no. no no no no. this is the moment she gets shot huh? what. no i. why do the Doctor’s companions in moffat’s era always die of being bravely stupid? (well..clara) like, not stupidly brave, but bravely stupid? i don’t like that narrative

why did Bill say that???? like i don’t get it.

jump in front of her??????? why. does he not stand in front of the damn gun?? why does he walk past it? why? dude?? now i understand why Thirteen keeps saying ‘STAY BEHIND ME, BEHIND ME’ always catching bombs to the face and shit.

those were some great flashbacks peppered in. ‘she scares me’ yeah well the Doctor was the one who fucked up here. he wasn’t fast enough. he didn’t reach hard enough for the right card in the pack.....but there was another time lord there - maybe she reached harder.

‘assumption!’ ‘deduction!’ ‘hope!’ ‘faith!’ ‘idiot!’ ‘always!’

this is the thing. like, the Doctor just lets her get shot and lets her get taken away - it’s barely believable.

yeah the crew went down, time dilation, they procreated, somehow they grew some shitty cybermen. (why does human society keep producing them?). YUP i called it.

365000 days, a hundred thousand years. yoikes. but if they have such fast lifts why is it a problem? and why go up to get the humans (yeah cybermen always wanna make more) i think knowing moffat we won’t really get an answer to these essential plot-driving questions

ohhh that’s chilling huh. makes you think they got some more anaesthetic but they’re still pressing the button - it just doesn’t make any noise any more.

but it’s hard to hear such pain.

and SUDDENLY, the theatre broadens - it seemed like just a part of the ship - narrow - but then we see the whole colony ship populated and a dystopia, this hospital just a building in a landscape. very cool.

How does the Doctor not realise that he hasn’t got TIME for explanations??? Bill is either dead or DYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE’S WASTING TIME.

i do love this concept always have and it is executed well here - but look. the Doctor is written as very dumb to make it so.

‘how many more years’ YEARS????? oh my god. why does she close the window? interesting

fuckin bullshit. they never returned because time went slow for them. he KNOWS this, so why does he think it’s because the people were ‘weak’? he knows she came from command, that it’s possible to go up, because they took her! the conversion is only controlling her. so does she buy it? (I do like this guy, but he’s probably evil)

how has Bill remained SANE? years of this. years of this??? what an exceptionally resilient person.

yeah we’re not getting an explanation for why these people uh managed to go up and take her down huh? except ‘evil villain lied to everybody’ i think. oh well that can be satisfactory

wait. is he the master? is he the MASTER??? i mean i was considering it but.

he spent like 10 years living with Bill and it didn’t make a dent in his psychopathy hmmm. so the explanation is that the Master has taken over and wanted to fuck over the Doctor just for laughs. lol

why scarecrow them??? xD sometimes these aesthetics make zero sense in real life. do love how they went back to : look how these settlers went up to the solar farm! living a lovely life except they’re being attacked by cybermen.

so what im learning from moffat’s writing is - push your concept first thing you can - something incongruous - and something familiar to those familiar with the work.

woah that gloating wasn’t quite long enough for teh Doctor to have a win. i thought the Masters were having him on. (fascinating though, that he attributes the emergence of cybermen not to the Master’s presence but simply to the humans - and the Master’s responses prove him right. do feel like he messed with it all though...)

‘there’s only ever been one way to stop that many cybermen. me’ hmmmm hmmm, i always dislike the Doctor boasting like this. just pride. though i would welcome it for thirteen, just a couple of times.

‘i’m in two minds - fortunately the other one’s unconscious.’ hah

we gotta cut away from this because we don’t know how this unwieldy Bill cyberman got the Doctor into the ship.

The Master constantly veers between almost killing the Doctor and then kinda deciding not to because they’re having so much fun or caring about their complex relationship a bit too stupidly much. lotta storytelling packed into this ep, bit unwieldy.

great switch, making Bill look human again as we switch to her pov

where the FUCK did the Doctor get jelly babies

this is a beautiful scene, but also, goddamn, they made her into a cyberman and now she can’t be angry any more?? i mean that’s not very woke

they didn’t allow bill the opportunity to hit the Master?? AGAIN?? Bill should have been able to hit the Doctor AND the Master this season for the cruelty they showed her!!

I do think the Master is THE character for Moffat because all of the plot bullshit can be explained as: the Master is just that dramatic. like, why wait with Bill’s conversion until the pain part was developed and the Doctor would be coming down? could have converted her right there. and he only kept her around to rub it in the Doctor’s face. like all of that - somehow explained by what a particular person they are.

redirection, the cryptic, it’s one of the Doctor’s main tools for hope. the beyond, the in-between, that which we cannot yet know, may never know - that’s flux babey, that’s hope.

but ya can’t un-call the lifts? what. they won’t have ‘thousands’ of years if you run straight at the TARDIS.

so im not sure why they had time to build a weapon’s grade cyberman but not uh time to send lots and lots of them up?

AND NOW THEY’RE JUST GOING TO BURST THROUGH??? THE FUCKIN SHIP? xD ahahahaha why???

i do love how you SEE the Master use make-up while male. fuck gender roles! I do love the Masters’ dynamics hahaha

the Doctor always makes time for fuckin - explanations. the cybermen are coming up but WHATEVER!

that Master on Master kill was honestly hella tender and i loved it.

‘can’t find the words’

Bill was glad that her space granddad knew she was a lesbian- ha. somehow that....how did Moffat write that? seems uniquely gay but maybe he’s just drawing on - yeah gotta make sure that this time it is NOT read as romance.

NOOOOOO!!!!!! NO!!!!! MISSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so...are they just not evacuating teh adults? like was it so hard to get them adult actors in the shot a few times too??? like wtf these kids aren’t like: MY PARENTS!!! before they blow it up? before the blow up a WHOLE countryside?

he didn’t get blown to pieces? fuckin bullshit lol

but BILL survived? enough to walk. I KNOW it’s for drama but it’s just lol

ok but Heather is SO CUTE HOLY FUCKIN SHIT. i don;t understand how this freak of sentient oil puddle got to create an immortal ethereal being - but WHAT EVS. (I can pilot anything, even you. what a come on lol)

where there’s tears, there’s hope, yes but you also gave him a tear huh, as a puddle-being, so you can track him hmmm

all the flashbacks to modern companions!!! i loved that!

i actually think the christmas special kind of ruins this real good finale!

i am gonna miss Missy, Michell Gomez did something truly incredible there. but i also liked the return of Simm!Master, and i loved their chemistry.

anyway i genuinely think this was a good finale. very complex, and very moffat. but mostly his strong writing, very little of his shitty tics.

GOOD STUFF!!

meanwhile cybermen are still coming up the colony ship converting people on every deck though, so that’s unfortunate.

#dsflkdjs #jsdlabjkd #jdskafjd #jdsafj #djsfakjd #jdskajd #jdkajdl #dw #my stuff #personal #i watched

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jeonmefortae-blog · 8 years ago

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What If? (BTS Q&A)

Hey my lovelies, HAPPY SUNDAY! Hope you all had a great day whether you are stressing out >< or whether you are having holidays. Good new is, if you are living in Malaysia, you will have Gawai holidays! (or only Sarawak for that matter?)

But anyways! Thanks guys for leaving me ‘What If’ questions to answer on instagram. I find this really fun as i saw a lot of people doing this on instagram! It would be really nice to know what would you do if you got caught up with your favorite celebrity nice to know about your thoughts on something as well! Anywayy, i want to thank you guys deeply again.

So basically, my ‘What If’ questions are about BTS in general! Like for example: ‘What if i met Jungkook?’

So shall we start?

^^ very cute picture or gif above by the way!

Okay.

1) What if kookie asked to stay in my house because he doesn’t have any place to stay? - asked by @/pewtaepie

Answer :

Omg, this answer got me shook, thanks so much ;-; Okay, OF COURSE i would i mean- but the problem is it would be more awkward because i stil live with my parents. But however, if that is the case then ofc i would still offer him a place to stay, because poor kookie! :( But if i was staying alone (no dirty thoughts here) of course everything would be less awkward because there will be no one around except me. Of course being me, i would be breathless and freak out like a potato. I would REALLY GET HEART ATTACKS. Don’t blame me if i DIE on the spot. Then, once i calmed down i would probably ask him whats the matter! Of course, (i want life to be as good as the fanfics ;) ) Hopefully by him staying at the the house we can be close friends because kookie and i share many similar interests. I would ask him to cook together and do chores together. Go to the mall together and help me with those groceries :’) Oh! and also play piano together with him singing by my side. (and you know hopefully it gets somewhere) JUST JOKING! OFC OBVIOUSLY in reality we have to sleep seperate rooms because if my virginity was lost I WOULD BE DEAD MEAT. My mother would slice my head off :”) lollll sorry the answer was just supposed to be short, but i made it freaking long.

2) What if you found out you were childhood friends with one of the members of BTS? - asked by @/yourbutterflyy

Answer :

Holy moly. The answer would be that im very very absolutely shook. I mean out of the blue someone tells me that i am actually connected to them? :’) daebak. Of course, knowing me i cannot sit still. I have to meet my childhood friends because i mean- childhood friends are precious. However even if i meet them they have got to remember me right? :D If our memories were rooted very deeply or in the case that maybe he got amnesia, i would ofc try and help to recover his memories :’) And me myself would try and remember all the things we did together and then as we reunite we would have many things to talk about and so that we can recreate these memories together again :’)

3) What if you had to choose a BTS song that you have to sing in your life forever? - asked by @/namjinmochi

Answer:

WOW. I had a hard time thinking of this one. But i would choose ‘Butterfly’. Its the song i fell in love at first sight. BTS songs are mainly really catchy and energizing and there are less ballads (won’t really call this a ballad) (i think its a cross between a ballad, and hiphop?) but this song gave me FEELS. IMMENSE FEELS. I cried when listening to just the instrumental version, and don’t mention the prologue. The prologue got me bawling and i could hear the butterfly instrumental in the background. ;-; This song gives me feels that can break my heart but at the same time heal it. Its like a lullaby that heals my tired and weary heart. The melody of it is very easy to remember and so its pretty chilly and cool when you can easily hum its melody :’) another song is probably run (ballad ver) i cried literally! those high notes hit my heart & also Spring Day. the lyrics are really meaningful and its a melody that you will remember for quite a long time.

4) What if you had to choose one song BTS sang to you? - asked by @/unnati_8230

Answer:

Hmm like the previous question, one of my fav songs is Butterfly so i would love them to sing that :’) because i really want to see their passionate faces when they sing this song. its really aesthetically pleasing.

5) What if i found BTS living a block down from me? - asked by @/taes_suga_kookie

Answer:

ASDFGHJKL!!! WOAHH WOAHHH okay. I need to chill. Like this, i am practically good as being their neighbours! Being a good citizen i would probably send some gifts for the new comers :’) because i mean its BTS and of course i have a high chance of seeing them so i want to do good deeds as their fan! Of course, if i had the chance i might even get invited to their house, but due to manyyy privacy reasons i would also try to limit myself, because their neighbourhood might be flooded with fans, and i hate crowds so... advantages and disadvantages. (the neighbourhood would be filled with screaming fangirls) but hey at least i fulfil my wishes right? :’) i am already pretty fortunately staying close to them. maybe i hope we can all be good friends too haha! there would be soooo many things to talk about.

6) What if you became BTS’ new manager? - asked by @/bangtanfamfic

Answer:

OMFG WHYYY OMG AHHH - ;-; umm umm of course i would be freaking happy for this job offer like- omg! BTS’ manager its like the best job on earth :”) however being a new manager i should not attract much attention. Also, i think i need to toughen myself up because of all the fans who love to push people. I cannot be fragile on this job :’) but i am willing to learn. But things like planning schedules and doing things for the boys is a-okay! IT WOULD BE HEAVEN. I would get to talk to them everyday, and there are so many opportunities for us to get close and ofc i would get to see them in their everyday lives (it would be pretty interesting) because all i can see is them outwardly on stage and everything- but not like behind the scenes. I want to see yoongi working on music, i want to see them practicing and everything! :’) ofc, i want the previous manager to teach me many things as well! SEJIN OPPA! TASUKETE. (LOL Y JAPANESE HAHAH)

7) What if you found out that your bias is actually studying in the same school as you? - @/preciousbngtn

Answer:

Hi i love you Christina and i will answer this question HAHAHAHA. BUT OI OMGGGG- If Jungkook was studying in the same school as me i would be shook asf you know. I WOULD FLIP. Obviously i want to introduce myself to him like ‘welcome to this school im rachel’ or something like that. BUT I BET THERE WILL BE SO MANY GIRLS GOING AFTER HIM which leaves me out a chance :’) because i am always super slow hahaha! if its like this, i won’t really bother until i see him with no one. I don’t want to cause a ruckus either :’) (ill be a good girl thank you) i want to treat him like a normal classmate and friend. the rest can be all up to fate :’) of course it will be a distraction in class!!! i will not be able to pay attention damn it.

8) What if i was BTS’ girlfriend? - asked by @/ttaevmin_

Answer:

OMFG!!!! OKAY UHM I CAN’T BREATHE. Okay, let me start with each member. Because you said BTS, so i will just cover members one by one.

If i was Namjoon’s girlfriend, we would sure talk to endless hours because i believe i can talk comfortably with him, maybe even learn new things together :’) and he can teach me many new things as well! I am sure there’s lots of things to share! our dates can be anywhere!

If i was Jin’s girlfriend we would soooo go grocery shopping together and cook amazing stuff for the boys :’) we would scold the bangtan kids together muahaha! ofc, because we share our common love for pink we can fight people who hate pinkeu :’D and ofc our date can be something simple like just stay at home and eat each others food! (i don’t mind!)

If i was Yoongi’s girlfriend, i would try to get his ass out of bed, cheer him up with my wierdness and optimism. (we are total opposites btw) i will cheer him and motivate him daily as thats what he may need? (i will make sure i see his gummy smile) And because i love to compose, i would also do lots of composing works with him :’) i would soooo drag him out of the house and have fun HAHAHAHA but its a win win situation, at times i would just stay at the house if he wants too! however, on days

If i was Hoseok’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth because Jhope is mostly similar to me. I am positive and optimistic, always happy,bubbly and friendly. We would so laugh at a lot of things and entertain the boys and be second hand embarassments as well :’) our dates can be anything! i mean- i believe hoseok seems like a very mature man to me.

If i was Jimin’s girlfriend, i would treasure this little precious mochi :’) i would treasure him more than i treasure myself. Because his sweetness is no joke, it needs to be soooo protected. i would proabably cause lots of embarassment to him anyday, HAHAHAH but my main goal would just to be a good girlfriend and give him lots of love. Our dates can be anywhere! im not picky :)

If i was Taehyung’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth as well. because uhmm character wise i am like Taehyung as well and also because taehyung’s ideal type is very much like me. i would get along with him pretty well and i think taehyung will be reaally sweet and also a protective boyfriend :’) i can very much imagine that he will love his girl til death and so being his girlfriend i would love him wholeheartedly and give him my all.

Lastly. If I WAS MY BIAS’ GIRLFRIEND.

If i was Jeon freaking Jungkook’s girlfriend i won’t think i will able to live for even a second. The moment i saw his smile i immediately knew that there was something about him. and from that moment, we actually have lots in common (except the fact that he is good at everything) being his girlfriend would be really humurous and funny as i feel like i am dating someone near my age. (he is just one year older than me) i think we will share lots in common and we will have many things to say as well! i don’t care if he is not good with dates or girls, i just want him to be jungkook. :’) our dates can be anywhere! but since he loves the beach we can take a drive down to the beach and hold hands in the sunset like how romantic right??!! i would live to see his cute smile anyday and i will do my best and my all to see him genuinely happy with me :’) not because he is my bias but because i love him as he is.

9) What if Yoonmin isn’t real?- asked by @/lustyoongi

^^ OII HOTNESS OMFG

Answer:

I WOULD FLIP. IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA AND SEE WHAT’S WRONG jokes i cannot do that but IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA. And i am not leaving until i attend all their fansigns and get them back to shape :’) anti climax : on the side of reality i would be really devasted and just cry tissues away.

10) What if BTS had given up from the beginning? - asked by @/hoseoklq

^^ this is so funny like omfg

Answer:

To be honest, if they have given up i won’t be as crazy and wierd as i am now. BTS has been a factor that pushed me to become a stronger person. They are people that inspire and admire me. If they had given up i would no longer acquire this strength. BTS all in all is my happy pill, just seeing them brightens up my day. it will be a huge mistake if their group wasn’t there anymore :’( there would be a hole that kpop is missing out on. then they wouldn’t know what they would be able to achieve and how much their fans adore them. BTS’ music leaves a strong impact on the young generation. Not just the lyrics and music but also their power and image that they bring. BTS is also known as a group filled with members of different unique personalities and together they are the most beautiful moments of our lives :’) teens need to know a lot about youth and they need someone to speak up for them and to tell them ‘i know, i have gone through this, but its gonna be okay. ‘not today. today we fight.’ they need message of love and strength. thats why BTS is a group that i feel is close to me even if they are miles away.

and finally, if they had given up, IMMA PACK MY BAGS TO KOREA. (lol why am i like this) LIKE YOU AINT GONNA LEAVE LIKE THIS BISH (JOKESS)

11) What if Jungkook wants to be my secret admirer/what if he admirers me? - asked by @/kookienochu

Answer:

oKAY...OMG. Uhm, of course i cannot stop him from ‘liking’ me but it depends. Speaking from reality point of view, i don’t really believe in love at first sight unless love builds up through genuine relationships, but if he likes me i would totally feel the same way. but if we aren’t really close yet i always suggest to be my friends first :’) but if he already knows me so well, then i think i will be ready to be his girl. I mean i may like him and all but in the end, relationships need to be genuine in order for true love to exist. i mean- no matter how much i claim to love him, i would only like the idea of dating him, but that doesn’t mean i love him. Okay, so if i was already his really good friend and he knows me like so damn well, obviously i am ready to start this relationship. There needs to be a perfect timing and a perfect bang! to it. Even so, i need to know that whatever obstacles may pass, we must sort it out rationally and not just fight and break up for stupid reasons. Moreover, i would really feel grateful, because i was always called ugly in school, so its good to know that he finds me beautiful in my own ways. :’) remember guys, its not love just because your heart always beats around a person. its not just love if you are crushing on love. love withstands time and it takes lots of time and effort to accept someone and know their flaws and accept them still :-)

lol i would save love talk for later. I am considered a ‘love doctor’ by my classmates and i always give ‘advice’ so if you want you can always DM in my instagram! :)

And that is all folks!

Do follow me on instagram if you want its @/kookiemonstae!

If you want me to do more stuff like these you can always suggest and leave comments for more!

#bts scenarios #bts

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ienveeus · 8 years ago

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aha because of you i binged all of b99 now im feeling empty as fucc :)) you seems like you've got great taste in shows so,, what should i watch next :^D

Omg okay Imma list all my fave shows now and the pros of the show

1. Scrubs

(comedy, hospital setting, nine seasons)

Super funny sitcom that like B99 doesn’t have the dreaded laugh tracks (they’re a pet peeve of mine)

Has a bit of drama that hits you hard as fuck at times but it’s so good

Really cute best bros friendship

All the characters are so great I love them heaps

THEY’RE GOOD AT THEIR JOBS!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE IT WHEN A COMEDY REVOLVES AROUND HOW INCOMPETENT PEOPLE ARE GDI!!

2. Steven Universe

(cartoon, fantasy/real world setting, ongoing)

Cartoon show that doesn’t get cancelled for LGBT characters wow

really soft and cute and good friends and songs that are the best wow

the angst hits you like a tonne of fucking bricks

gorgeous animation style it’s like my favourite wow

3. Outrageous Fortune

(NZ drama/comedy, they’re a criminal family that decides to ‘go straight’ six seasons)

Okay honestly if you can find this show watch it but it’ll be hard to find because it’s a NZ show and the world pretends we don’t exist

Really interesting plot lines and character development

They’re all assholes and yet we love all of them

There was one episode that I cried the entire way through, if you wanna know what taught me how to do angst properly it was this show

Funny until it’s really not

They are family and they love each other even though they suck at showing it a lot

4. Broadchurch

(Crime drama, small town police drama, three seasons)

A crime drama that managed to not bore the heck outta me with the whodunnit vibes

I love the plot and all the subplots

I freaking love the friendship between the two lead characters, love me some platonic hetero friendships

Handles some pretty intense subjects though

5. Misfits

(black comedy, superheroes, ??? seasons)

Honestly I stopped watching after the first two seasons when the best character left

But up until then it’s like the best show

They’re funny assholes, I based my latest fic over an episode of this show with the tattoos because it made my life.

Another one of those shows that just hits you in the gut with sadness wow

Literally the worst ‘superheroes’ ever, they’re all criminals, I love it

6. How To Get Away With Murder

(drama, law school, two seasons?)

Better believe I was obsessed with this show

So many twists and turns like wtf is happening I’m so confused and invested holy

Again, they’re all assholes and yet I am so attached.

You’re just all who the fuck did it?? And then it’s answered and then SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS and you’re like jfc what is the explanation tell me

Good soundtrack

7. Bob’s Burgers

(cartoon, family run burger joint, ongoing)

Adult cartoon show that isn’t gross as fuck and offensive to be funny?

The characters are fucking wild

A family that isn’t grossly dysfunctional and actually like each other? The kids hang out with each other all the time??

Bob’s freak outs are the best thing ever

I actually cannot pick a favourite character that never happens

8. Sense8

(drama, there is no setting they’re fucking everywhere, ongoing)

Binge watch all of it and cry over the perfection

Just saying, if B99 is my fave show this is a close second

R E P R E S E N T A T I O N

They’re all so cute and help each other all the time

You will never be able to explain the plot to anyone ever

I hope you like OT8 because you’re gonna get OT8, they’re all p much in love it’s the best

Tackles all the issues, and does it with so much pain and yet I still love it

The best cinematography of any show ever

Okay I gotta stop now before I waste the entire day, I haven’t eaten yet, but yes!! Have some shows! I hope you like them!!

#tv show rec #i'm surprised i watch this much tbh #that doesn't include things like try guys and buzzfeed unsolved and all the other youtubers i follow wo #plus bts run and gayo etc :P #anon #replies

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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‘Feud’ star Jackie Hoffman on being a character actor: ‘Aging isnt as frightening for us as it is for the pretty people’

Jackie Hoffman steals the show as Mamacita.

Image: Kurt Iswarienko/FX.

Youd have to possess a pretty colorful character, not to mention some serious acting chops, to steal scenes away from Jessica Lange while she’s channeling screen diva Joan Crawford. Fortunately, Jackie Hoffman has both.

From the moment she makes her first appearance in Feud: Bette and Joan, you cant take your eyes off Hoffmans tightly-wound but infinitely patient Mamacita Crawfords sternly Teutonic live-in housekeeper, valet, mother confessor and all around Gal Friday, who is never far from the movie stars side and always faithfully and fiercely on her side, even when Crawford believes no one else is.

Mamacita is, delightfully, a true-life construct: Anna Marie Brinke was Crawfords German-born maid/personal assistant, hired shortly before the actress began mounting her planned comeback in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Brinke came recommended by her own daughter, one of her nine children and a maid to a Westhampton neighbor of Crawfords: she impressed the star with her preference for scrubbing floors on her hands and knees over using a mop.

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud: Bette and Joan’ is about so much more than Hollywood’s most infamous catfight

According to Crawford, the Latin-flavored nom de guerre was bestowed upon Brinke because the actress had just returned from a Brazilian vacation in Rio de Janeiro and obsessively added a -cita suffix to everything upon her return. Mamacita would remain in Crawfords service, often contentiously, until a fateful moment in 1974 when she decided to return to her native Germany because she was, as her grandson later related it, tired of having things thrown at her.

Hoffman has a work ethic to rival the real Mamacitas. A veteran of Chicagos fabled Second City comedy troupe who headlined many solo shows, she went on to become an award-winning force off and on Broadway, with star turns in productions including The Sisters Rosensweig, Hairspray, Xanadu and The Addams Family, with occasional forays to Hollywood for film and TV appearances in the likes of Kissing Jessica Stein, Garden State, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and 30 Rock.

And, as Mashable learned during our freewheeling conversation with the actress, in sharp contrast to Mamacitas minimalist approach to communication, shes a conversational tour de force as well.

You had us at hello with Mamacita.

Does Mamacita ever say hello? I dont think hello is a word that comes out of her mouth.

What got you excited about her when the role came your way?

Oh my lord have mercy! First of all, the audition material was so secret that all the names were changed, so they didnt use the name Crawford, they didnt use the name Mamacita. Then I found out later what it was and I had bought, in my 20s, a copy of Joan Crawfords [1971 advice book] My Way of Life, and the gay man inside me, pardon the expression, knew exactly what it was and fell in love with it.

I remember her talking about Mamacita, and then when I heard the characters name is Mamacita, at first I was a little freaked out, because I said, Oh my God, Im playing a Hispanic woman! And then I remembered I was, like, Holy crap Mamacita! Oh my God! There are no adjectives to describe how I felt at that point, just with the whole thing. I still cant get over it.

I was looking up some information on her, and Mamacitas German maiden name was in fact, Hoffman.

Yes, it was, spelled the Jewish way with two Fs and one N. Which is comforting, because I like to think she was Jewish because if not, judging from her age, she was a Nazi.

Did you go on treasure hunt looking for more bits and pieces of information about her once the job was yours?

Im not that dedicated an artist. My treasure hunt consisted of hitting a key on Google and looking at My Way of Life and just making it up on my own.

When you thought about who she was and how you wanted to play her, what was the key into her? When did that big lightbulb go off over your head?

I dont know the lightbulb may still have not gone off. I took German, clean, and putting up with Joan Crawford, and that was all I needed to know.

Youd read Crawfords book had you been a little bit of a student of her at any point?

Im more of a slob, but I remembered things like packing with tissue paper in the sleeves, and if I ever made a dinner with like fish and cauliflower, I always remember, [imitates Crawfords voice] Dont put two white foods on the same plate. Then, whenever I take a picture, I remember from reading this in her book: Always look up and to the right. So I am a student of Joans.

Mamacita is not wholly a broad comic caricature, but theres something inherently funny when we meet her, just in juxtaposition to Joan Crawford.

Right. I think she provides a relief from the intensity of those two dames.

It must have been fun to figure out the rapport with Jessica Lange, and get how they were going to coexist and be codependent together.

Yes, as Jessica got more comfortable, she got more abusive, unfortunately! So youll see that as we unfold. Like, Oh, this is an actress I can fuck with.

Did you give it back?

I set a boundary.

We do learn that theres more depth to Mamacita than we might have guessed early on. How quickly did you know that about her and were able to prepare for?

I knew going in that she was a human being and she had to be fully rounded. Im cheap whore of an actor: Im barely in this episode. What the fuck? But yeah, theres such great writing on the show, and the wardrobe is genius, the wig was genius, the writings great, and that all helped a lot.

What do you think her function in the story of Feud is, ultimately?

She kind of plays a husband/friend/sounding board for Joan. Shes probably the only person that Joan really is herself with, and really tells the truth to. So we learn a lot about who Joan really is through Mamacita, I think. Theres a couple of episodes where shes wasted and says that Im the mother she never had, and youre the only friend Ive had. It gets really, really touching near the end. Like the last scene we shot together, it was just beautiful. So I think Joan shows her a side that she doesnt show anybody else. So it helps to tell the whole story.

It comes through that Mamacita really cares for her, and wants to protect her.

Yes, she does. I would think I would have some love for her, to put up with all of the shit that I put up with.

Throughout your career, have you seen Hollywood or celebrity-type figures with this kind of person at their side? Has that been a reality that youve noticed?

Oh wow, what a question! I know Ive seen people with posses and entourages. I just remember, one of my first movie events was the film I did in, like, 2000, Kissing Jessica Stein, and I remember this woman walking around there was an actor, a very talented actor named Scott Cohen in that movie, and he had this woman going, Hi, Im Scotts publicist

Oh my God, really? People had people around them. The very first pilot I did, like in the mid-’90s, people said My assistant. Im like, Really? Really? You have a personal assistant? So its just a phenomenon that I still cant get over.

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud’ star Jessica Lange on the ways Hollywood is still failing women

Youve had a tremendously prolific career, but I imagine you havent had to deal with the genuine burdens of fame, a lot of the BS that people have to deal with because of a super high profile.

Yeah, thats kind of you: nobody knows who the fuck I am enough to make my life trouble.

Is that the best way to do it?

Its mixed. I did this film I got replaced on with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, and I saw the press literally chase them like Dodi Fayed and Princess Di though the tunnel, like, on foot. Im like, Holy crap! The shit they have to deal with. So I would imagine its kind of a mixed blessing. I get letters from 13-year-olds wanting a Playbill signed by people more famous than me.

You have some substantial stuff in Feud. Tell me what that was like to be able to dive deep. She doesnt disappear often. Shes always kind of right there.

God bless Ryan [Murphy] and Tim Minear and Gina [Welch] and those writer/producers, man. God bless them! Because … as there were plenty of days where Im opening doors and handing people beverages, and I was like, Fuck this! Then Im the maid! It could have been like that.

But theyre so smart, and they so want to get their message across, and I was honored, especially like, I think this interview coincides with episode 4, which is where Im encouraging the lovely Alison Wright, about her script, and telling her about the future, about women in cinema, and women in media. Im so honored that I got to tell that message, that I so badly, of course, want to tell. Its an important thing that has to be told.

Look what happened: its turning around a little, but here we are 50 years later, and still no one gives a fuck. Its still such a male world. To be part of Team Ryan Murphy, whos doing everything they can to fight that, is just such a great thing.

It really is shocking how much this fifty-year-old story is resonating, especially here in L.A., where people are watching the show and seeing women literally facing some of the same problems as they were in 1962 Hollywood.

Right. Thats how it was so kismet, because Jessica and I, we both wanted to tell that story. And Jessica and Susan, like, they have careers like Crawford and Davis, where they were like, Fuck you, and they kept working. But both Jessica and Susan were like incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful. For beautiful women, usually youre just, like, fucked. Its over. But they got past it. They went beyond it and they conquered.

When youre in the ugly, unfuckable category like I am, well, We didnt want to fuck her when she was younger, so we might as well hire her when shes older. I think character women at least have that, not that there are many roles. Aging isnt as frightening for us as it is for the pretty people.

Have people in the industry been that crass to you in those terms, in the way that, say, a Jack Warner expresses himself about how he feels about Crawford and Davis?

No, nobody says the word unfuckable, but we know thats what its all about. I put things in the crudest terms. Im the Jack Warner, really.

Have you noticed how popular Mamacita has become? Shes all over the Internet.

No, I have no idea. Im not all over the Internet. I look at my three Twitter followers, and a couple of 15-year-olds are like, Go, Mamacita! I have no idea.

I think the phrase that they would use is breakout character.

Thats excellent. Yes, on Twitter, I call her MamaTweeta.

You got to step back into mid-century Hollywood for a bit what was the best part of that experience?

The whole thing was like a five-month gay mans orgasm. I kept emailing my friends like, Im not allowed to show you anything, but trust me… We werent allowed to take pictures, but even like a jar that they put cotton balls in every object, it was just a breathtaking world. Every costume, the attention paid to every detail, and the beauty. It was ridiculous.

My filthy fingerprints are on every object and every item of clothes because I kept touching everything. Look at this! Look! And, when this was done, I was like two years old. So it would rush like, Oh my God, my mother had something just like this and I remember this when I was a little girl So it had that also.

Everybody in Hollywood is lining up hoping to work with Ryan Murphy right now. He and his team are championing these stories about women that other people seemingly arent telling. Were there any other interesting discoveries about joining Ryans troupe?

Wow that may be too intelligent a question for me! It was a great lesson. Im always huge [in my performance]. Im really theater folk, and Ive done film and television work, but its always like, Bring it down, bring it down, bring it down. And Ryan, from day one, hes like, No, dont make it that cartoony. Shes German, she has purpose and this is just from handing a Pepsi bottle to Jessica for four hours.

He really was reining it in, and you saw that, even larger-than-life characters like Crawford and Davis, theyre people, and he wants everybody to be really real, and I think thats one reason why the things he does are so effective. He really comes from a place of truth. He really made me a better actor for it.

Feud: Bette and Joan airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on FX.

WATCH: What film stars really think about Hollywood’s diversity issue