#just ignore me lol I'm fine

[gunpowder-gemini]

sigh, sat down to continue writing my turbo granny theory post and ended up in my feels and drafting a message to send my friends about deeply hurt feelings i haven't had the balls to bring up yet instead.

When will irl problems stop getting in the way of thinking about the blorbos lmao

[sysig]

Wuh oh (Patreon)

Bonus:

The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor

[bandsandwristbands]

Vent post

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Dyk what I hate about statistics? THE ADDITION. Also the multiplication. It would've been cool if it was like once or twice but I GOTTA DO IT 20 TIMES IF THERE ARE 20 NUMBERS??? WHY????? It would've been cool if we had calculators to do that too BUT CALCULATORS ARE NOT ALLOWED?!!

Like bro whyyyyyy. I've been trying to ignore stats for so long but I finished the rest of my syllabus and now that's the only one left :') I JUST DON'T LIKE SQUARING, ADDING AND SQUARE ROOTING NUMBERS 50 TIMES FOR ONE PROBLEM

bro i thought stats was child's play until my finals approached and i hadn't touched it throughout the semester and i realised it was child's play only IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON kjhdjkfghkjdfhg so i had a similar situation i was suddenly in my final exam without a clue about what was going on. idek what was so hard about it bc i don't really hate stats (i was just a lazy bum this happened like 6 years ago oops) but man i almost cried that day thankfully i got a little hint from the teacher and i actually thought i would fail and have to repeat stats.

i got an A+

i have no idea how that happened btw that's like number 1 in the Top 10 Mysteries of My Life.

[bogsleep]

anyway if you're having some uncomfy feelings about posting unsourced art/photos in the past because of that post i made about how to identify stolen images, maybe hunting through my blog for any possible whisper of hypocrisy is not the most productive place to direct that energy. i'm not here to shame anyone, just to provide information on how to make this website a little friendlier to artists by discouraging sourceless uploads. lack of engagement on unsourced posts will cause most uploaders to change their behavior for the better.

[mochabeanzz]

.

[tardis--dreams]

I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡

[mossistyping]

ahah heyyy what to do when you find out your treatment might not be working and the next treatment to try is like. 10k every 8 weeks ahahhhh no don't be a burden you're so sexyyyyy

[warriorprincesstramp]

the utter lack of affection or care amongst my extended family is so bleak and miserable

[roscoehamiltons]

small rant/thought spew about the whole zhou and zoo thing once again:

i think i said this in my post/rant yesterday about the whole zhou and zoo thing but i really doubt that every single person who called zhou 'zoo' in the grill the grid video is doing it out of endearment as a cute nickname lol. i'm not gonna name names in case if this somehow breaks out of containment but i rly doubt that certain ppl who 1) don't seem to be close to guanyu afaik and 2) have a history of being 'problematic' are calling him zoo out of endearment lol. but like i said before i could be cynical and just seeing a microaggression when there isn't one. and i will admit that i didn't know about it supposedly being a nickname from lance, so i do appreciate that lance fans are trying to correct that and defend their guy.

(also i want to say that: it's interesting to me that the majority of people, if not everyone, that i *know* for certain who are friendly with guanyu pronounced zhou as 'joe' instead of 'zoo' lol)

but i'm also seeing things about how it's disrespectful to call him 'guanyu' instead of just 'zhou' in chinese, and it's clear that they don't know chinese because that just isn't the case lol. in chinese, it's fine to call him 'guanyu' (especially if the person talking is older than him. if younger then it's better to be a little more formal but still acceptable if they're friendly) but you would never call him just 'zhou'. it's either full name 'zhou guanyu' or 'guanyu' or 'zhou *insert honourific here*' (like mr. zhou, teacher zhou or zhou-ge (ge is short for older brother)) but never just 'zhou'. i think people have a tendency to overthink about the fact that the surname is said before the given name, and then therefore everyone is just called by their last name instead of their given name since it's said first when that's not accurate lol.

i know guanyu prefers being called 'zhou' in english commentary, and it's perfectly fine to call him just 'zhou' in english ofc, since people refer to other drivers by only their last names all the time. but i suspect the reasoning behind guanyu wanting to be called 'zhou' is that it's more that it's easier for english speaking people to say than 'guanyu' especially since the 'yu' sound is not one that is in english. although here we are having discourse about his name 2-3 years later after he's joined f1 so maybe it's not that easy ~_~

[iwanttobepersephone]

Vent, but it's more of a "I felt like this a while ago, I need to get it off my chest, I'm fine now" way

Me: (having fun talking to people online, feeling welcomed, and like my content is finally appreciated, and never feeling like a burden in the community)

Me: (remembers that one time I felt unsafe and like a nuisance)

Me: (stops tagging stuff that isn't directly related to it in fear of clogging up the tag, gets nervous when interacting with blogs, isn't as active in the fandom anymore)

[hopefulsapphic]

losing my mind who let me think taking a class on romantic relationships this semester would be a good idea

[lemonnbug]

Am I allowed to be negative on here about stuff for a minute? Pretty please?

I don't really think that things are gonna change for the better/ get better for me at this point tbh

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Poked my head into some of @mysticdragon3md3′s thoughts regarding popularity with DimiClaude fanon and am happy to say I’m here to Talk (tee em).

I also saw the post from the user saying why they were falling out of love for the ship, and... yeah. The people they’re talking about, the generalized group of people who do certain things, definitely bother me as well.

I love that you pointed out Claude is not flirty and is just playful. It’s not the DimiClaude fandom alone unfortunately with that though - it’s the entire fanbase that views him as a flirt. And, according to Twitter, a slut. Yeah. Yeah. I know what they... “mean”... but it is still not him.

Them being annoyed with each other is also fanon and a very strange one. Never in Houses did Dimitri come across as being annoyed or bothered by him. In fact, they have friendly banter! Dimitri doesn’t get specifically exasperated at Claude, but that’s just more so how he is as a person and he sometimes doesn’t understand playfulness. That said, he does not berate Claude the way he berates others. There’s one instance I can think of where he berated Claude and that was in the DLC when they were talking to Aelfric for the first time.

In Hopes, same deal in AG. In fact, he’s quite fond of Claude in AG. GW itself was a well discussed mess in a lot of ways, and even then as a ship they didn’t have a lot of negativity. If nothing else it was an odd opposite, because even as enemies when Claude admitted he couldn’t defeat Dimitri alone, Dimitri just basically laughed, smirked and walked away. That’s like... the worst of their relationship in GW and it’s extremely mellow.

I think part of the problem some dmcl fans are facing are the fanon version of the ship rather than what they’re like in canon. It is definitely true that part of the dmcl fandom has absolutely warped the ship into being something it really isn’t and never was in canon. There’s also this whole thing about Dimitri being the dominant, feisty one with Claude being the uwu blushy one and it’s just... not them. Not as a pair canonically, and not individually. When Dimitri gets “dominant”, he’s, uh, not in a good mental state. It’s a mental illness that makes him like that and personally I’ve never appreciated seeing people use it for a kink for a ship. Normally I’d say people can like what they want, but I get the feeling a lot of dmcl fans have absolutely pushed their views onto others and driven fans away.

I will also say have absolutely, 150% come across those kinds of fans. The ones who refuse to listen to anyone else, but if your headcanons don't vibe with them then you’re just completely “wrong”. Not only do they portray the canon characterization poorly if portraying it at all, but they tend to also bring it down a racist route, which is... beyond ironic considering they should be the last ship that deals with that based on their characters and stories.

Engage kinda went wonky with a good few things regarding the previous lords, so I don’t see Dimitri being like that as some kind of definite canon. Actually, even in Heroes their interactions are friendly and calm. The “worst” banter they had was their swim alts, while on the opposite end we have the brave alts who apparently hang out together outside of the castlegrounds, and for so long that they can’t be of any help in a search for someone (which like lol how long you gotta be gone to have no idea and can’t help at all lmao).

I think people see outside-Houses canon scenes like those and just... decide it’s their actual canon. Dimitri is not, in any way, actually mean to Claude in canon. That is unfortunately a very popular fanon. In Houses especially, when Dimitri doesn’t know Claude well in the mock battle he’s more like ummm hey Claude your defenses are open what are you even doing, more than being like ugh Claude you’re so annoying. In the real version of that mock battle though, a good few months had passed and their battle quotes are significantly more approachable and they clearly have respect for each other. Dimitri knows Claude likes to fuck around and be goofy sometimes, and he picked up on that and played along with it in the JP version (in the English version he simply picks up on it, but there’s no anger whatsoever and it’s just more oh okay I get it).

As far as Engage goes, ultimately I just see it more as an extremely condensed version of their mannerisms, and yes, they for some reason, especially in the localized versions, try to keep up the whole rival shtick when Dimitri never even felt that way about Claude, and he never gets truly annoyed at Claude. Ffs, in canon Dimitri literally drops everything after retaking his home from the Empire/TWS, and runs to go save Claude. Literally. The next day. While Claude is a little tsun about it (!), Dimitri is just “come on let’s go hurry hurry no slowing down pick up the pace we are saving Claude”, and that’s basically him the entire chapter except with the Arundel specific stuff. When he talks to Claude one on one, there is literally not a single shred whatsoever in any plausible way or in any damn universe any tension from Dimitri to Claude. He just wants to know he’s okay and relaxes once he knows Claude isn’t hurt. I mean literally, no, like... that’s them, in canon, in their Natural Habitat together and I have no fucking clue how the portrayal of them in fanon got so insanely warped beyond recognition.

Also, Engage kinda dropped the ball with a lot of stuff with the other lords. Hell, they’ve been unable to keep Ike’s character consistent throughout all of his non-canon appearances (Awakening didn’t seem too bad, but Fates was pretty awful for example. They can’t seem to really understand the character they’re writing anymore, and idk if it’s just because the writers have changed and such/aren’t the same as Tellius’ games had, or they just don’t care to keep him consistent).

They also try to make Sigurd sound wise and super helpful in every single solitary iteration of him outside of FE4 which is honestly just obnoxious as fuck lmao. Sigurd was naive, foolish, overly trusting, and far too kind and gentle for his own good. It ultimately was what led to him following orders blindly, having blind faith that his king was righteous and would give him the right orders (without realizing the court was very much in disarray during his absence and with several other prominent court figures away because of the war). Sigurd was too quick to believe in the good in humanity and that things would work out, and it led to him not realizing how wrong he was until it was way too late and he had to take shelter in a foreign country to avoid having to fight the same people’s armies who had the court’s ear.

Basically Sigurd is nothing like they write him to be in every. single. solitary. iteration. outside of FE4. 

(SPOILER here just in case you care lol. Or anyone who is reading this. Or if you’re someone who somehow does not know about the biggest known spoiler in the whole game) He has one little section of potential dialogue (i.e. it’s triggered by a very specific condition) that shows somehow ghosty Sigurd has grown more wise and understanding ??? while being dead ??? and somehow learned while being dead that the world do be full of grief and Stuff. (END SPOILER)

So they pretty much took like, two lines of dialogue from FE4 and made it Sigurd’s entire fucking character forever in every single game he’s been in since. If nothing else, let that be your insight on never to trust content you see outside of a character’s original game. At that point it’s simply fanservice because they don’t even know their own characters. If they wanted to write even a semblance of Actual In Game Sigurd’s Personality And Not Two Lines Of Dialogue That Are Completely Optional And Quite Honestly HIDDEN, it would be very easy and reasonable to do so. They choose not to, and then we get what they did with Houses’ lords.

Another portrayal I see too often is that Dimitri and Claude... argue??? I won’t lie, their Heroes summer alts was the very first time they even seemed to “argue”, and it was mostly just goofy nonsense that means nothing because they’re literally alts in swimsuits, and it wasn’t really them being vicious at each other. Meanwhile in canon, they’re always very calm and able to talk through their problems - even in fucking Hopes in the GW route. Even in the worst possible circumstances for them to be in, that is, as enemies, they were still able to talk it through. Barring Claude’s written in idiocy so he could be a mouthpiece for Edelgard and do her bidding by invading the Kingdom (which was literally nothing but plot convenience because Actual Claude would’ve reasoned his way out of doing that), even in the worst possible situation, they still called a truce and still worked things out verbally, calmly and peacefully.

Point being, this whole cat fight dmcl portrayal isn’t even remotely close to their canon selves, and normally I’d say, you know, like what you want and enjoy your ships how you want... but it’s pretty much almost entirely the people who view the ship that way that uh, attack people who don’t agree with them or insult them/laugh at them for seeing the ship differently. These are the people who make you feel bad, for enjoying a fictional ship of two pixelated characters kissing, because you don’t like the concepts in their head more than the way you’ve interpreted the canonical characters.

To be totally frank, I have a visceral hatred for the fanon portrayal of dmcl because it makes Dimitri out to be terrible and makes Claude some kind of punching bag for Dimitri in various forms. There comes a point where it’s like, you ship something and then there’s the point where you ship two characters you made up in your head, who aren’t the same characters you first started to ship, because you’ve warped them so extensively that they became nothing but a person’s OCs with their faces and some similar backstory elements at best.

[cinnibun-krysanthemum]

I want time to stop!!! Like I actually don't know what is going on and how to keep going. I don't want to do this anymore. By this I just mean living each day like it's a grind. Like I spend each day waiting for the current thing to be over and for something more interesting to come along. I have so much anxiety recently and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it because I don't have a therapist and I don't have the time or money for one anyway. I am in a constant state of wanting attention and enrichment and excitement and conversation, and simultaneously wanting to go take a nap and not have to talk to anyone, all the time. I do not know what to do. They say to take it once day at a time but I can't even do that right right now. I need to make time to go to the post office and it just seems like so much work and it's legitimately not. I want a break for being a functioning human. Like seriously a break. Not just school break style but like no worries at all. I can't keep walking right back into the same rut like this. I keep thinking I'm making progress and then I'm here again and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I wanted this to be the one but I might have to try yet again. I'm trying not to fall into apathy but it's getting really difficult. I have so many things to do that I can't get myself to do any of them. I just come home and hide away and try to forget about everything that isn't enjoyable or a coping mechanism. I don't know. It will get better but I don't know how or when and that sucks. That hurts. I'm scared. I'm so afraid of myself at this point. Or afraid for myself. Both honestly.