#just hoping it doesn't come to that and that my fo can pull me through this..

[cosmic-ships]

Just know that even tho I'm not here, I am thinking about all my f/o.

I am rewatching every movie with them. I hope this bad feeling passes and I'll feel less like a worthless waste of space.

I hope they can pull me through...

[13keithxpidge13]

OH OH ! and miles wanting to count all of hobies piercings because hobie didnt remember how many he had (or even miles didnt ask and just started counting out of nowhere and surprises hobie hehehe) .. getting up really close to his face and noticing how pink hobie got . realising that he gets pink like that when he gets close to miles ....

"Have you noticed it at all?" Gwen asks him and Miles hums as he colors in his sketchbook.

They're sitting on top of one of the ledges in the Spider-Society HQ, chilling and relaxing as they wait for another mission to be announced. For now, Miles is biding his time by sketching.

Beside him, Gwen huffs and jostles his shoulder and Miles curses as he messes up his newest drawing.

"Gwen!" He shouts.

"I'm asking you a question," She laughs as he erases the imperfect line. "Have you noticed how Hobie changes colors?"

"Yeah," He gruffs out. "Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't," She says. "But...haven't you noticed how he changes color based on how he's feeling and that he goes pink around, well, /you/? And, /only/ you?"

"What are you talking about?" Miles glances at her with a raised eyebrow. "No he doesn't."

Gwen scoffs. "Yeah. He does."

"no he doesn't."

"he does."

"no!"

"yes!"

"Gweeennn," Miles whines and slaps his hands over his face as his cheeks darken at the implications of what she's saying. "Don't give me hope."

"I'm just saying," Gwen laughs. "It's pretty obvious."

Miles grumbles and glances away from her as he crosses his arms over his chest. "...I guess..." He mumbles and Gwen leans closer, humming. Miles puffs out his cheeks. "I suppose I /have/ noticed-"

"aHA!" Gwen shakes him and Miles breaks out into giggles. "I knew it! He sooooo has a crush on you! He likes you back, Miles, it's soooo obvious!"

"It's not!" He protests. "He's so indifferent I can never tell!"

"Well," Gwen smiles. "Why don't you try to catch him in the act? Make him bend to your cuteness and charm!" She teases as she pulls at his cheeks. "C'mon, I'll even help you!"

"But, how would we even do that in the first place?" Miles laughs at her poking. "It's not like I can just go up and /ask him/, he'll probably deny it! And, oh, maybe that will make him realize that /I/ like him! Gah! I can't!"

"You won't have too," Gwen reassures. "Just make him turn pink around you, do something that'll get him flustered and confront him about why he turns pink whenever you're around! Surely that'll lead to a love confession!"

Miles huffs in embarrassment and scratches at his sore cheeks that were whining from being pulled. "Oh, alright," He sighs. "But, /you/ have to help set up a time to do this!"

Gwen grins cheekily and pulls out her watch to message Hobie.

"Already on it."

+

"Uhm, thanks for coming over, man."

"Yeah, no problem, mate. Needed an excuse to leave my dimension fo' awhile anyhow."

Miles chuckles and tries to hide his nervousness as they both enter his room through the window he left open, being careful not to make too much noise as his parents were probably cooking dinner and he didn't want to disturb them.

They sit on his bed and a few moments of awkward silence passes by before Hobie bumps their shoulders together.

"somethin' you needed from me personally? Or did ya' just wan' hang out?"

"uh," Miles coughs and laughs nervously. "Well, uhm, I guess, uh-" He tries to come up with an excuse other than /I wanted to see you turn pink/, and then it hits him. "I, uh, I wanted to draw you!" He shouts and immediately curses himself for it.

Hobie blinks at him largely before laughing. "Ah, I see," He nods. "Ya' wanted a reference for ya' sketches? Well, all ya' had to do was ask, babe."

Miles laughs awkwardly and blindly grabs for his sketchbook which is on his bed.

"Uhm, okay," He brags as he holds his pencil shakily. "Can you uhm, can you turn so I can see your face? I need, uh, I need to get your facial structure right."

Hobie grins. "Sure, honey," He says and turns according to how Miles wants him too.

A few minutes pass while miles glances up and down, looking back up and down at him to make sure he's getting his face as accurate as possible. He gets so into drawing him that, when he glances up and sees the piercings on his face, he blinks.

"Oh," Miles deadpans and Hobie tilts his head.

"Hm?"

"Oh, uhm, well," Miles flushes. "I just, I noticed that you have a lot of piercings...I noticed it before but uh...you have a lot more than I thought."

Hobie grins cheekily.

"Ya' wanna count 'em?" He asks and Miles giggles nervously.

"Uhm, I might need too..." He says. "I wanna uh, I wanna get everything as accurate as possible."

"Mhm," Hobie hums. "I'm sure. Go ahead, love."

He had multiple piercings on his ears, on his eyebrows, on his nose...

Miles gets in closer even though his heart is racing and reaches up to touch his chin. "You've got one on your bottom lip, too?" He asks, tilting his head and attempting to remain calm. "It's big. Doesn't it hurt?"

Hobie's breathing echoes throughout his ear. "Nah, babe," Hobie laughs but it seems a little off. "Hurt at first but, uh, goes away after a lil' time."

"Yeah?" Miles brushes his fingers against his bottom lip and Hobie nearly jumps out of his skin.

Instead, his body goes /bright pink/ and Miles twitches.

"Fuck-" Hobie curses and stands up from the bed. "Sorry, fuck, sorry," He brushes his hands down his vest as though he were trying to brush away the color. "Sorry, mate. I don't know why it fuckin' does that shit, gods-"

"You don't?" Miles asks innocently. "Gwen said it was because your body changes colors based off your emotions like everything else does in your universe."

"That's-" Hobie stops and turns, mumbling something about Gwen being a snitch before he sighs. "Yeah. It does. It's fuckin' weird like that."

"Sooo..." Miles stands beside him and tilts his body closer to him. "What does pink mean? Because you go pink around me a /lot/, I've noticed. What is it? I won't make fun of you, dude."

Hobie's quiet, exhaling loudly through his mouth as he turns away and his cheeks seem to darken even further.

Miles' brows furrow. Come on. He has to /know/-

Hobie leans his head back and sighs once more.

"It's 'cause..." He swallows and scratches the back of his neck. "It's 'cause...I like ya', mate. Not in the bullshit platonic way either. Like, in the I kinda wanna kiss ya' and take ya' out to dates and hold ya' hand and shit."

Miles feels the breath punched out of him. "You-" He can't stop the wide smile that etches across his face. "Really?"

Hobie runs a hand down his face and mumbles; "Well, yeah..."

Miles almost jumps and down with joy until Hobie continues;

"I'm sorry, mate," He says. "I know it's prolly weird, ain't it? I don't wanna make ya' uncomfortable, love. If ya' want me gone, I'll leave, y'know? Just say the word, mate, and I'll be gone-"

"No!" Miles grabs onto him instinctively and Hobie jumps at it. "Don't go! You misunderstood me!"

"Wha-what?" Hobie stutters. "What're you talkin' 'bout?"

"You-I-" Miles felt his cheeks darken. He sputters for a moment and nearly lets go of Hobie's hand before the elder teen grasps at his fingers again so he couldn't get very far. Miles licks his lips and feels impossibly flustered.

"Miles?" Hobie leans forward, obviously concerned and curious. "What did you mean?"

"I just-" Miles turns his head away and Hobie shakes his head. "It's nothing-"

"nuh, uh, sweetheart," Hobie's smiling now. He's grinning from ear to ear and gently turns Miles to face him again and the younger teen is impossibly red. "Somethin' ya' wanna tell me? Like how I told you?"

Miles licks his lips and their eyes meet. Suddenly, a surge of confidence overtakes him and Miles grins.

"You wanna know what I meant?" He stands on his tip toes. "I'll show you."

He locks lips with Hobie and the punk grunts with it.

Miles grabs a hold of the back of his neck so he can force the elder teen to dip forward so Miles can get a better grip on him and he hums as Hobie licks at his lips

Hands grab at his waist and Miles squeals when he realizes how /big/ Hobie's hands are, how perfect they fit around him and his small hips. It makes shivers run up his spine like electricity and Hobie chuckles against his tongue as their muscles dances together.

Then, their lips part and a string of slick saliva is all that connects them.

Miles pants for air and knows his cheeks are flushed impossibly dark. Hobie leans forward again and kisses both cheeks, peppering his skin with soft slick kisses that have his breath hitching.

"Finally," Hobie murmurs. "Yer so fuckin' cute, love. So cute to kiss me like that."

Miles pouts. "It wasn't meant to be /cute/, man! It was supposed to be hot! I wasn't cute, I was /hot/," He whines and Hobie kisses his nose with a chuckle.

"Yes, yes, of course," He coos and Miles scoffs.

"Agree with me!"

"I am!"

"You're not!"

Hobie merely laughs and kisses him again, successfully silencing him.

[gummydummy19]

Month four (August): Laundry day

Summary: You've been so caught up with work and stuff that you've gotten behind on your laundry....maybe you can borrow something from Sy's closet? just this once? What he doesn't know can't kill him, right?

Warnings: flashbacks, backstory, some smutty thoughts

(this is part four of my series: A year in apartment 6B)

'Shit!'

You tried jumping back but it was too late. Your bowl of pasta slipped out of your hands, bright red bolognese sauce splashed on your shirt before the entire thing smacked on the floor.

'Great...' You sighed, tugging off your pasta-covered shirt, leaving you in the sports bra you'd been wearing all week and a pair of semi-clean panties.

You were living like an absolute animal. The dishes were piling up, your room was a mess and the only thing in your fridge was leftover pasta, which was now splattered all over your kitchen floor. You grabbed some paper towel and scooped up as much as you could, before cleaning up the rest with a wet rag. You made your way to the bathroom to throw your shirt in the hamper, but when you got there you could hardly see the hamper anymore.

Okay, this had to end now. This was your first day off in weeks. Lord knows you'd been working overtime but honestly, you enjoyed your new job and you wanted to make a good impression. Part of you had hoped to just crawl into bed all day and watch some awful rom-com. Although that sounded good, you needed to do something about the mess that was in your apartment.

You started sorting through the laundry, taking off your underwear to add to the pile, but when you were finally ready to take your first load to the laundry room downstairs you realized you had nothing left to wear. Supposedly the summer heat combined with your busy schedule had finally taken its toll.

'You have got to be kidding me...'

You could hardly go downstairs naked. Your closet was completely empty aside from a couple beanies and some snow boots.

You walked into the hallway, trying to figure out a plan when Sy's bedroom door caught your eye.

'Hmm...'

What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

Your hand hesitated on the doorknob for a sec.

'Stop being such a fucking wuss...you'll wash his stuff when you're done and put it right back where you found it...he won't even know!'

You opened the door and immediately his scent hit your nose. It's like he was standing right in front of you. Christ did you...miss him?

You looked around his room. Everything was very....Sy.

His sheets were dark. There was a guitar standing in the right corner, leaning against the bedside table.

You walked over to his dresser. There wasn't much on it, aside from a couple framed pictures. One of them was of an elderly couple. The man looked like an older version of Sy, he had his arm swung around the woman. She had a beautiful, big smile. The more you focused on her eyes, the more you saw Sy in them.

On the other side of the dresser, there was another framed picture. It was Sy when he was younger and a guy who looked a little older than him. You noticed that same jaw again. Must be his brother.

Sy looked happy. His face was clean shaven and his hair was a little longer. He looked to be around 20. Probably before he enlisted.

You pulled open the first drawer. It was filled with neatly folded boxers shorts and some basic t-shirts.

Perfect.

You grabbed a pair of each and quickly shut the dresser again. You wanted to hurry out of the room as if Sy would be back any minute. He wouldn't, you knew that. He had two more months left. And then, he'd come back home.

Home. With you.

Before you left the room you noticed a hoodie hanging over a chair in the corner.

You knew that hoodie. Sy had been wearing it in the days before he left.

As soon as you picked it up, a smile crept up your face. You couldn't help but bury your face in the soft fabric, the scent of it invading your senses as you remembered Sy's last night in the apartment.

He had ordered take-out for you both from his favorite Chinese place around the corner. It was his treat, he insisted after you said you had never tried their noodles.

It was the first time he's had an actual conversation with you.

'So where are you from?' You asked, swallowing a mouth full of noodles, which were admittedly the best ones you'd ever tasted.

'Texas, you?'

'Europe.' You replied

'Really? You kinda sound Californian'

'I don't know if that's a compliment but thanks' You smiled, making him chuckle

'I like your shirt' He said with a grin, pointing to the shirt you had gotten from your best friend before you moved to the US. It said 'BARBIE IS A SLUT' in big pink letters.

'I like your accent' You replied

'Hmm,' he grumbled, smile still tugging at his lips, 'So what brings you to the land of the free, huh?'

'You say that as if you're not being sent away to go shoot people in like a week.'

Sy's smile dropped, and you immediately felt bad.

'Sorry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.' you apologized, 'Work. I'm here for work.'

'What kinda work you do?'

'I'm a writer. Well, a journalist actually but I focus mainly on writing. I got hired at The Times. I start on Monday.'

'Damn' he huffed

Silence took over the table and for a second you feared you had fucked up already.

'You miss home at all?' he broke the silence

'I miss my mom, but that's about it. Never really had much of a home, aside from her. We call a lot tho.'

'Hmm,' he grumbled again.

You were beginning to notice he did that a lot.

'What about you? Do you miss your home? Your family?'

'My parents own a farm back in Texas. My brother lives down the street with his wife and 3 kids. I try to visit on important days and stuff, but that life was never what I wanted.'

'Don't want kids?'

'I do, someday. Just not the way they want me to.'

'Hmm.'

It was your turn to do that this time.

'I was engaged once.' he spoke, 'We were high school sweethearts, she lived a town over. I asked her to marry me a week after graduation.'

'What happened?'

'4 months in I found out she was fucking some other guy. All I know is that he worked at the hardware store. I enlisted that same week.'

'Oh, Sy...I'm so sorry, I...I don't know what to say.'

'You're not the one who owes me an apology, sugar.' He smiled, but you could tell there was hurt underneath it, 'Have you ever been in love?'

'I've thought I was in love.' You replied, 'Looking back on it I think young and dumb would be a better way to put it.' He chuckled at that, and the sound made your heart soar a little.

You don't know how long the two of you had sat there, but by the time you went to bed, you were feeling a million things at once.

You couldn't help but feel a little sad.

That was probably just because of Sy's story. He seemed like a good guy, he deserved love and happiness. Getting your heart broken like that? No one deserves to feel that pain.

Yeah, that's why you were sad.

Not at all because Sy would be leaving in a couple days.

...

You decided to hold on to the hoodie for a little while and left the room. Quickly putting on the clothes you took before heading downstairs to put in the first load of laundry.

Wearing Sy's clothes felt oddly comforting. His boxers basically fit u like a pair of shorts and his shirt almost swallowed you whole. The most comforting part was the smell of his hoodie tho. You couldn't help but think of Sy. You hoped he was okay. It had been a while since his last letter.

You wondered how life was there. You had no clue how army tours worked. Six months sounds like a long time.

You can't even imagine.

Six months without a home. Six months without watching movies or going shopping. Six months without reading romance novels. Six months without....

Oh my god.

Does he...do they get...company...there?

For some reason, your stomach twisted at the thought of Sy with another woman.

Do they even have room for that there? I mean do they even have privacy? What if they wanna...

oh...oh

Your stomach did something entirely different at the thought of Sy doing that.

Suddenly you were very away you were wearing Sy's clothes. In fact, you were wearing nothing but his clothes.

No.

No no no no no.

You couldn't do this. You could not get wet in Sy's boxers.

That would be so wrong.

Bad. Very bad.

Very wrong and bad.

But why did the thought turn you on that much more?

At this point, you were no longer in control of your own brain. It was running wild.

Wild with very wrong, very bad thoughts.

You wondered if Sy had ever gotten hard in these boxers. If he ever touched himself in these. If they were ever covered in his cum...

A loud ring startled your clouded mind back to reality.

You grabbed your phone.

No caller ID.

'H-Hello?' you picked up the call, trying to calm down your racing heart.

'Hi there,'

'Sy?!'

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Ugh I just love him, okay??

p.s: pretty please give me some feedback bc I've been feeling so shitty about my writing lately LOL I just feel like I have so much scenarios in my head and I wanna get em all out

taglist;

@metalbuckaroo

@princessayveke

@montsepliego

@scxrletrecsmarvel

@hopelesslyrogers

@eclecticpatrolroadlawyer

@tfandtws

@vicmc624

@ahahafudge

@enchantedbarnes

@wickedravyn

@pono-pura-vida

@amayaraestyles

@matchat3a

@fictional-hooman

@sebastianexplicit

@peaches1958

@avengersfan25

@jamneuromain

@tryingtoliveonmywishes

@mrsevans90

@daybreak96

@tiredqueen73

@fallingforunrealisticromance

@identity2212

@randomweirdoss

[shyvien]

Here are 100 random quotes from Asmodeus!

Sourced from the OM! Wiki, chats, devilgram, screenshots I found, etc. I made this list to help with studying to write the characters in character. (Not really proofread, sorry if there are mistakes. Also, there may be spoilers. If so, they're minor spoilers)

✧༺⚜️༻✧

“Oh, my ♡ MC, you little minx! Are you trying to show off my lovely legs to the entire Devildom?”

“But the question is whether you really mean what you say. Maybe if I reach in, pull out your heart, tear it open, and have a look inside I'd know for sure?”

“Then let's stay like this. Mm... Your neck feels soft, MC…”

“I can't believe you would actually imply I was a pervert! I only wanted to give MC something pleasant to look at.”

“Anyway MC, why don't you go ahead and take off your clothes so the two of us can enjoy a nice bath together.”

“Asmo's special cutie-pie kiss! Mwah ♡”

“But now I feel alive again, sitting in here with you drinking nice, warm cocoa.”

“Yoo-hoo, little ghosties ♡ Go on, feast your eyes upon me..!”

“Ugh, it's so dark in here! I can't take it... It's just so EXCITING!”

“You must be curious to know just how wonderful a punishment can be...”

“I'd have to say I'm most afraid of... me!”

“Since you're so adorable, I'll lock you up in my own little love jail so you'll be all mine ♡ So, don't be shy. Come here, Darling.”

“Oh, be careful around my ankles, would you? Too much pressure will ruin my perfect legs.”

“I'm hopeless at this kind of stuff since I've never lifted anything heavier than a facial massager.”

“To be honest, I was hoping to drive you mad with desire! That was my eventual goal, at least...”

“Hehe. Can't move? Aww, look how good you're being! Now, you stay just like that, okay...”

“In other words, I want you to be my plaything from now on, so I'm never bored ♡”

“Ugh, I'm so dizzy..! MC’s the only one who can save frail little Princess Asmo!”

“Oh, while we're at it why not take a video? For your exclusive viewing pleasure, of course ♡”

“I mean, I suppose I could put on a little show for you...but it won't be cheap.”

“..What? Are you stupid? Is your eyesight just that bad? Do those eyes of yours even work, or are they just there for decoration?”

“You want to do whatever you can to make me happy, because I'm worth it.”

“Hehe, now look what I've done. I got so excited that I pushed you down onto your back! Sorry!”

“Help, MC! There's a demon staring at me like he's gonna eat me!”

“And that means something coming from someone as ridiculously beautiful as me. I don't really say it to anyone other than you, you know?”

“I mean, I'm adorable. Doesn't it just tickle your protective instincts?”

“You're so cute. When I look at you, I can tell what's going through your head, even if you don't actually say it. That's right.”

“I'm sorry for being so beautiful that even confinement suits me! Then again, I always knew I was fated to be the captive damsel in distress...”

“Like, first I imagine a beautiful man and a beautiful woman. And then I picture us doing ALL sorts of naughty things to each other!”

“And then they had to do the walk of shame! ♡”

“Oh, you might be right! The runny makeup look can be kind of sexy!”

“I'll go ahead and watch you. Just in case you have any trouble changing clothes.”

“Hmmm? Like what? Mammon, you'd better get your mind out of the gutter ♡”

“I mean, here I am, right next to you, still wet from my bath. You really don't feel anything?”

“I guess that means I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU...!”

“Ugh, I'm ready to die of boredom! So, come on! Dance for me. I can't wait to see what you can do!”

“That's our sexy Solomon ♡ See, I knew you could do it if you tried!”

“Really, you're just flowers. Listen to you bragging about how beautiful you are...it's kind of embarrassing.”

“Ooh, are you trying to figure out where WE should go on a romantic getaway?! Aw, muffin! You don't need to beat around the bush for that kind of thing! You can be honest!”

“Huh? You're my little dove from earlier, aren't you? MC, was it?”

“That's probably my pheromones ♡”

“You're the best, MC! Your dazzling smile has the power to woo every demon in the Devildom ♡”

“Whaaat, you're still alive? Well that's boring...”

“But first, I want you to know exactly what it is that threatens to rend a delicate heart such as mine to ribbons. So be sure to pay attention, love. Nothing makes me angrier than being ignored. Truly.”

“All of the eyes are on me, I charmed all of them! Just look at me! It's a sin to be this perfect!”

“Mmmfm… gonna take everyone prisoner… mm...”

“When I first heard that we'd be shooting each other with squirt guns and getting wet, I found the whole thing kind of stupid. But it also involved coming up with plans to drive your opponents into a corner and anticipating their moves... which I found pretty enjoyable.”

“If I were like Lord Diavolo, I could have any demon or human I wanted.”

“Aaaah, this is where I belong. Sitting on a throne!”

“Surely, tempting humans is what demons are all about?”

“And next time, you're welcome to be even bolder. I want your scent all over my clothes.”

“Oh my gosh! Even from behind, I am such a snack!”

“Ooh, I know exactly what you mean! It's like, you can't help but want to lie down together on a bed or a sofa and do all sorts of naughty things-“

“Butlers, you see...their services extend into the night, as well.”

“Aaah, I've never tried rope play before, but I think I like it ♡”

“That's a rather...traditional approach. I would've just seduced him.”

“There's just something nice about being completely overpowered and brought to submission like that, you know?!”

“Right now, I'm totally hooked on this exercise where I blow up balloons to strengthen my facial muscles. Do you wanna give it a try?”

“Filth? You should know that eroticism is a valid form of art.”

“I mean, I wrapped him in chains like you said, but l've got such soft, beautiful, tender hands. They aren't suited for such a rough job. Really, you should've known that…”

“Hehe. Lies are like accessories, hun.”

“But, I'd sure feel better if you came and comforted me. I mean, I'm aaaaall alone in my room right now. If you don't come over, I'll probably start crying on account of how lonely I am.”

“Let's meet in my room when the party is over. We can have our very own Valentine's Day afterparty, just the two of us ♡”

“I'm in desperate need of stimulation to my senses!”

“To think that even Mister Stiff and Serious Angel here is feeling his heart skip a beat...I love it! ♡”

“What the movie lacks is sexiness! Shall we add more revealing scenes, like me in a swimsuit?”

“...Ummm, is this some sort of joke? You look like a chicken in heat.”

“Oh, but with you it's different, MC! I only want to do your nails as an excuse to flirt ♡”

“Oh, how exciting! Better get back snug under the covers and wait for my impending arousal ♡”

“Yes, I do. I love butts!”

“It would be ideal if we were both au naturel, honestly...”

“Ahh, I feel so graceful when i'm shooting ♡”

“I left a dying message with lipstick, so you better catch the culprit!”

“Guess I'll just have to come over and shake things up for you ♪”

“See, I just knew you'd say that! Because we're obviously an extra-compatible super couple!”

“I'd love to. I'll make you look so good, you'll be drooling over yourself.”

“..No one will know if I take a single muffin, right? I'll just grab one while they're not looking. Yoink! ♡”

“Oh yeah, Satan is totally the type to start with the tongue first!”

“Look out, or I'll tear you to bits with my sharp claws!”

“Apologize? Me? I'm sorry, but I'm not quite sure why you'd want me to do that. I mean, true, I suppose an entire country was destroyed in the end, but how could I have known that would happen, hm?”

“Drastic times call for drastic measures. Step aside, boys my sexy dance is about to begin...!”

“Hehe. Trying to butter me up, are you? Tell me, what are you hoping will happen when you succeed?”

“I'm the life of the party. The eye candy, the one who makes everyone else feel better. I need to work hard, too...for the sake of my brothers!”

“Now, now, I may not be as quick to anger as the Lord of Fools, but still. If you don't do what I say, I might have to punish you…”

“By the way, your costume was really cute, MC. Just thinking about it makes my heart go pitter-patter!”

“And now I'm a demon. Which means I could charm any sorcerer, no matter how evil! I'll have him dancing in the palm of my hand!”

“Oh Solomon, THANK YOU! You're so amazing I think I'm going to swoon! I love you..!”

“A scolding? Ooh, I wouldn't mind being scolded by you, sweetie ♡”

“FYI: It's super obvious what's running through your dirty little mind right now, Mammon…”

“Brother dearest ♡ I'm sooooo thirsty! Could you get me some blood, please and thanks? ♡”

“My charm is the greatest weapon of all! I'll steal your hearts right where you stand ♡”

“Ooh, MC, are you on Devilgram and Fab Snap? Because we totally need to friend each other!”

“I mean, I suppose I could put on a little show for you… but it won't be cheap, you know? Also, I charge extra for pictures and touching.”

“Nuh-uh. I'll be the one to win that right! Prepare to be slain in style, everyone ♡”

“I'm actually quite exhausted. So, I was thinking you could hold me in your arms for a little while so I can recharge ♡”

“If you want to experience this exfoliating paradise with me, don't hesitate to join in ♪ You know I always have an open-door policy in effect for you, love ♡”

“If both of us are charging, there's going to be sparks”

“I need you to put some cream on my back for me ♡ Yes, a backrub and nothing more. If you, on the other hand, are looking for a happy ending, I'm more than ready, my dear ♡”

“Oh, is my little MC scared? Come cling to my bosom, darling. I'll make you feel aaaall better ♡”

“I'm actually going out soon, and this fastener is giving me so much trouble. I can't get it up by myself. It could really use a good tug ♪ I should mention that my back is extremely sensitive. The slightest touch, and...well let's just say it will be hard to hold back. So sorry if I get you too excited ♡”

✧༺⚜️༻✧

Number 100 is my favourite, literally makes me blush

I will be doing a part 2 for Asmo, he is just so chaotic and lovely!

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

𝒮𝒽𝓎 𝒲𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 ༝༚༝༚

[sirpuddingcup]

Before I get into it

SPOILERS FOR THE END AND THE DEATH VOLUME 3

Holy shit this book is great! It genuinely is everything I wanted and more. Volume 3 ties everything up so well that even though I knew the plot outline already just from lore it had me gripped from cover to cover. An emotional and bloody ending to the to the galaxy spanning series.

First off I really enjoyed getting the little updates on what some of the other players are doing while it all goes down. Bobby G and his endless strategy meetings as he tries to figure out how to get to Terra. Lorgar pulling a jonestown as he arrogantly misinterprets prophecies. Perturabo wallowing in self pity as he destroys his room like an angry teenager (the image of him pouting in his broken chair as the room lies devastated around him gives me life). Finally Eldrad and the others arguing over shoulda woulda coulda as they realize this is way worse than they thought. It was nice to check in with everyone before we dive into the trauma of it all.

Speaking of trauma let's talk about the black rage! We see sanguineous's mangled corpse in the lupercal court as the psychic shock sends the entire ninth legion (minus Zephon) into a berserk rage. I really can't think of a better word for it than traumatic. After all they've been through together during the siege to have the blood angels turn into actual monsters against their will is just twisting the knife for the loyalists. From Rans desperate fight for survival against a man he idolizes to Amit waking up dazed and confused at the end of a trail of corpses ("why do the bodys end here?" "That's as far as you got" kills me), it's safe to say nobody is having a good time.

Scratch that you know who is having a pretty good time? Rogal Dorn. Fresh out of the desert of endless boredom Rogal finally gets to let loose a little as he fights his way to Valdor. I love their dynamic and I wish we got more of them hanging out("damn you!"(frustrated) "damn you too."(affectionate)).

We check in with Fo and the genocide crew which ends predictably. I saw him completing the Terminus sanction then getting killed trying to escape a mile away. I did not see him making a fucking clone body and replace Xanthus! I love me a devious old scientist causing problems on purpose! I really hope he comes back in a big way.

The library crew didn't do a whole lot other than Ariman being a creepy magic man. It is buck wild that the archivist turned out to be Lilean Chase at the beginning of her career she goes on to found the fucking Cognitae so get it girl I guess.

The did my boy Loken so dirty in the end but fuck me was it good. They planted seeds earlier on talking about how a demon is made, a reaction in the warp to a traumatic event in real space, how in the warp effect can come before cause. But fuck me I wasn't expecting this. After the dust settles and Loken almost convinces Abaddon to give reconciliation a chance Erebus (fuck Erebus) stabs him in the back dooming the galaxy to endless civil war. And why did he do this? Because Samus is the man beside you, Samus right behind you, Samus is the guy she told you not to worry about, look out it's fucking Samus! The abrupt murder of Loken gives birth to the Demon Samus kicking all of this shit into motion. It truly is all Erebus's fault.

I saved the best for last. The showdown on the vengeful spirit. This is where Horus really gets tho shine. I haven't loved his character like this since the first couple of books. He's a fucking mess and I love it this is the man who's daddy issues burned the galaxy to the ground, and as someone who has a difficult relationship with my father fuck me I get it. Dan Abnet is so good at making fights feel intimate, Horus isn't a one dimensional avatar of evil hes a son confronting his abusive father. Horus doesn't want to kill his father he wants to be better than him, and not just stronger but a better person. He needs the Emperor to acknowledge that he had hurt Horus. Horus loved his father and wanted to reach out him on an emotional level so badly, but the Emperor was simply no longer able to do that. When the Emperor purged himself of the infant god the dark king his kindness and empathy went with it ( going on to create the star child). This emperor is nothing but power and cold fury. He enters the room having already written Horus off as dead. It's such a tragedy from top to bottom because we know from Malcador in his all knowing position on the golden throne, that there is a version of this confrontation where they both walk out alive. That does not happen.

The actual physical fight is nothing to write home about besides the fact that different people see it happening in different ways Dusk sees it as a clumsy slugfest between two lumbering giants while LE2 saw it as the greatest display of skill he had ever seen. In truth it was both. The psychic battle had them tossing each other across time and space and fighting through the sites of each other's greatest sins. They use the settings to try and undermine each other emotionally holy shit. Then the do the next logical step AND HAVE A FUCKING TAROT DECK YU-GI-OH DUEL! I need an imperial tarot card game right now GW take my fucking money. It ends with the cards predicting the fall of cadia (the despoiler unlocking the silver door) and the emperor loses. It has become obvious by this point that the Emperor can't beat Horus. Horus outclasses him in every way but Horus doesn't want to kill his father he wants acknowledgement. So what we get is several desperate attempts by the emperor and several others to fight back as Horus beats his father bloody. But nothing works until Oll and John show up having magically teleported much closer than they ment to. They stand right in front of Horus. Horus is bemused at best giving John just enough time to use the word he learned from the tower of Babel directly in Horus's smug face. The resulting blast nearly kills everyone in the room, but it's the first thing so far to actually damage Horus. While her recovers John makes a run for it but Oll goes to the Emperor gives him the athame (stone knife used to commit the first murder) and tries to wake him up. Only for Horus to wake up first and turn poor Oll to a fine red mist.

Finally Horus stands there triumphant and who is there but his own favorite son Loken. Loken is the only one who tries to reason with Horus to make him see the the chaos gods are using and manipulating him. It was a great touch to frame Horus pov in 2nd person as if someone is telling Horus his thoughts. Loken convinces Horus that he's not really in control anymore and the only way Horus can take back control is to give up the power that the gods gave him. The moment he does back on Terra Keeler uses the power of millions of praying souls to relight the astronomicon and and give the Emperor a font of power to tap into. The emperor rises as if from the dead. Horus at first tries to pull the power back but the gods hold onto it as punishment for spurning them. Then Horus looks at the Emperor empowered as an avatar of humanities faith and he finally understands. The gods panic and try to force their power back into him and Horus begs his father to kill him now while he can resist. Then it happens a father murders his son. The emperor tells Horus "I forgive you and I'll wait for you". Excuse me Dan Abnet what exactly does that mean? Horus returned? Ghost Horus? Reincarnated? What the fuck? From there it's mostly just wrapping up they teleport home and we get the last gasp of Malcador as they place the Emperor on the golden throne.

If you read this thank you this was mostly for me because I needed an outlet for my feelings and I don't want to bother my friends to much with Warhammer. It's been a wild ride and I can't wait to see where it goes from here (especially the third Bequin book).

[ziteyra]

A good soldier

Chapter 2

Chapter 1 and Chapter 3

🐟 Synopsis: You get to meet some other members of Team Phoenix in person but the tension between you and Quaritch still doesn't seem to be gone.

🐟 characters: Quaritch Recom, Walker Recom, Waynfleet and Zdinarsk Recom (🥳)

🐟themes: same as the last chapter. A bit of cursing, roughing around but nothing serious.

🐠Note: heyyyy. Thanks for all the likes in the last chapter ! Didn't expect that (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡ so I just followed the formula of the first one and wrote all fo this in the middle of two night. Ahahah hope you like it. Feel free to suggest any more themes or ideas ! Love y'all 💙

Sorry that's it's so short btw

Enjoy this awesome edit I found on insta which motivated me to continue 😁

Tagging: @babyduk213 💙

"This is Lyle Wainfleet, my second in command. "

You nodd in the general direction of the multiple blue recom soldiers that entered the room after Quaritch. Of course you had read their files and overseen their medical transitions, but seeing them in action and so alive was something quite different.

After the tall and smiling Navi Soldier squeezed through the small door frame, two barely clothed female ones follow him on foot.

"And these two beauties are Walker and Zdinarsk. One lethal with a grenade launcher and the other just with her mouth." Quaritch grinned as he introduces the last two and closed the door behind them. "They'll be holding my hand, while you, little scientist do your beloved tests. If it doesn't bother you of course. "

"Glad to finally meet you" you note "but I believed we would be doing the tests alone. It's quite fragile equipment I've got here anyway."

"And we too have quite fragile equipment" Lyle laughed out loud, "no need to worry about us little one, we just need to give the boss a few quick updates on the Sully situation."

" Still y/n for you Waynfleet. I suppose if you keep this quick we can arrange something." you say judgingly looking up and down the two woman. They both make themselves quite comfortable around Quaritch, nagging him with their tails and playfully hissing.

It was definitely no sting of jealousy you were feeling, that would be embarrassing just after a few days of knowing him. But at last he was one of your textbook idols, come to life again. Not yet as impressive as you made him out to be but still quite fascinating. And at last, your hero.

"Now you got my poor little scientist all railed up Lyle. She's on our side don't forget that, even if you have a hard time remembering sides." Quaritch quickly shifted his attention towards his team and let you start your testing.

While they were talking about ground locations and basic intel you took various samples of both his blood and hair.

While he didn't seem bothered by the tests at all you could see his tail twitching every time you got closer to him. His eyes were pinned onto Waynfleet while he was talking but just out of the corner of your eye you could see his cat like ears turning your direction wherever you went. Almost lost in the mesmerising patterns on his body only a slap on the head brought you back to reality.

" And why the hell should we trust her boss. She's like that Valentine woman back from base. We shouldn't be talking about our intel right in front of her anyway." scoffed the women named Walker while inspecting you from head to toe and showing her exceptionally long teeth.

"She ain't got no other choice Walker. And y/n knows that I'll be her worst nightmare if any of this information leaves our little group, isn't that right." Quaritch menacingly answered as he waved Walker away with his hands and pulling you even closer to him. "Do you understand?"

With a loud metal clunk your tablet fell to the ground while Quaritch face was only a few millimeters away from yours. Again you thought, but this time you weren't planning on being humiliated in front of his other teammates. At last you were supposed to be part of the team. As you knew their body and anatomy, probably better then they did themselves, you just needed one good pull to gain your freedom again.

"Damn that little scientist has claws." laughed the last woman Zdinarsk who up until now, hadn't really spoken at all.

"Lt. Quaritch, Sir , we are all members of this operation here and you shouldn't be questioning any of our loyaltys under any circumstances." you say while picking up your tablet hoping to regain at least a bit of dignity.

You quickly brush past him, as we was still frozen in his place holding his Braid with both of his hands.

"It was a pleasure working with you soldiers but I really must be going now."

[cadwo]

OC posting time but like,

Something about this image had me thinking about my girl Serienna so hard

I've never really gotten into the tragedy of Serienna's character since I mostly focus on her two siblings but like, she really doesn't come out of her story unscathed either.

She gets her best friend(someone she grew up so close with that he feels like a brother despite being her fiance) and her baby sister(who is the major reason that she even started taking her role as the heir to throne of Haven seriously) taken away from her. The same maniac that took those two away from her and tortured them and then now can't seem to tell her where they are is the guy that her father decided to promise her hand in marriage to "for the sake of Haven's future". And because everyone in Haven has always trusted this man's judgement no one can seem to understand Serienna's apprehension to it outside of assuming she's just being unreasonable because of the gap in age. They see her being upset about the arrangement as childish, and they think the imprisonment of her two most precious family members to have been legitimate.

She spends a solid year preparing herself and her closest companions to launch into a war against this sicko new fiance of hers, navigating treacherous grounds dealing with the silent political war before any real fighting can even break out. It's an awful time of meetings arranged in secret and alliances being struck and realizing that she's about to be the catalyst that shakes up everything that Haven has grown into and all of the routines of the lives within it. The cooperation of the sister cities of Haven is secured, but there is always the fear that someone is leaking this information back to her opponent. Her life is paranoia and anger. She clings to her hopes and to her partners and perseveres.

She only gets to see her baby sister again *once* before shit hits the fan for real, and that reunion is strained because the only thing her sister wants to do is prove to her that she can live on her own and doesn't need to be with Serienna anymore. It's heartbreaking for her, seeing that somehow she grew up so fast without her realizing it. Maybe she hadn't done enough to be there for her in their younger years. And now, because her younger sister is determined to live with her newly found family on the ground, Serienna has to accept the fact that she may not get to make up for her absences in her younger years in the future.

After an agonizing uphill climb in which she has to stumble over the loss of her father, she finally pulls it off: she launches into a civil war against the bastard trying to take her nation out from under her and kills him. She wins!! She did the unthinkable and ascended to the throne about 70 years or so ahead of schedule, and all while not even having her best friend beside her that she'd grown up her whole life thinking would rule by her side! By sheer force of will, strength, and bloodshed she won back her future... right?

But even with that vile man gone, and even with her partners there to be damage control, they can't help her restore what she lost along the way. She knows she won't be able to visit her sister all that often given the circumstances of their living arrangements.

And her brother, her best friend, when they finally reunite, he seems to have trouble looking her in the eyes without this... grief. Try as she might to reassure him that she's working on making everything better, that she's eliminated Haven's biggest threat and she's going to do all of the things they talked about doing together to fix up the place and steer it to a better healthier tomorrow... he still won't come back with her. He can barely keep from choking up around her. He won't tell her any of what he went through that could have made him this way either. He's just... suddenly decided that he has no place in Haven anymore. Despite her doing everything she thought she could to help make Haven a safer place for him, he'd rather wander the globe and hunt down monsters for his new employers(who also just so happen to be bigshots in the Underworld? So he'll help them make their world better but not help her with Haven anymore... Even though he'd always promised her he'd serve by her side and that he wanted nothing more than to see Haven become a better place. Now she can't even get him to say he'll step foot there.)

Despite all of her victories and achievements and the power she fought tooth and nail to seize, it can't restore her bonds with her siblings. There is a distance between them all that she can't get a grasp on. And while she's struggling with that emotional fallout internally, she also has to transition into her busy position as ruler.

Even if, once the dust settles and things fall into a more manageable routine for her, the visits to her siblings can become more frequent, there will always always be scars carved into their bonds.

She misses them.

[depressiongofuckoff]

FO depression - the beginning.....

I've been told for years by so many of my friends that I should write a book about my life. I guess I have lived through a lot of craziness - more than most people I know. What's funny though, is growing up, I never saw it that way. I knew my experiences weren't usual, none of my friends were going through the same things I was, but I just figured that was life and that's how it was supposed to be. I realize now that if I had stepped outside of myself and looked at my life through the eyes of somebody else, I would have said write that book immediately!

I have considered doing so for a long time now, but for what reason? I don't want to simply spew the sordid details of my life, I'm not aiming to entertain anyone with the crazy that was my life. I certainly don't want any f****** pity, I know that I've endured a lot, but I have never pulled the "poor me" card, nor have I felt sorry for myself. And I'm not looking for a pat on the back for overcoming what I have.

So, the point of telling my story is to offer hope. It's to show that if I can get to the place where I am today, just about anyone can.

Extremely important to remember is that I am in no way qualified to dispense advice. I am not a professional and cannot recommend any treatment protocols. I am simply telling you what I have done to show that there are so many options for treatment. The ones that worked for me may not work for you, and ones that didn't help me just might help you. So please just read this to understand that there are many channels to explore when seeking help with your mental health - and to remember that not every channel is the correct one for you, so please, keep exploring and searching for that right one  - the one that can bring you peace.

In order for my story to have true meaning, I have to delve into my darkest memories, the beliefs I held, the stories I told myself, the deplorable way I treated myself. I have to convey the dark despair that I have felt for most of my life for you to be able to compare it to where I am today, and then you can see why I believe there is hope for all of us.

Hope it's something I lost many, many, many, many years ago. Like I mentioned in my first post, I'm 55 years old now and have been in some sort of therapy for 39 years. The fun began when I was 16 years old after my first suicide attempt, but honestly I've been battling what's felt like an endless onslaught of demons, both internal and external, for as long as I can remember. 

I felt like I had tried everything available - the typical talk therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, music therapy, occupational therapy, naturopathic medicine, yoga practice which focused on the Mind Body Connection that would undoubtedly leave me in the fetal position hysterically crying, chakra cleansing and energy balancing, every medication (at least it feels that way) big Pharma had to offer, Electroconvulsive Therapy (yes, think "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"), Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, several methods of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy for trauma, not to mention at least a dozen stays in various psychiatric facilities across the country, and my most recent exploration of the use of psychedelics.

When you do go through all these various treatments, and try with all your fucking might to get well, but just can't, that word "hope" just doesn't exist in your vocabulary.

Over my decades of therapy, it was determined that I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Treatment Resistant Depression, Bipolar II Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My initial diagnosis, at age 16, was Boderline Personality Disorder (a somewhat controversial diagnosis to assigned at my age).

No matter the diagnosis - it was a label. Sometimes it's nice to have an actual diagnosis - it helps to make sense of whatever symptoms we're experiencing. And it often feels that with a diagnosis comes a remedy.

That's true (most of the time) when it comes to strep throat, an ear infection, a broken ankle - these all have seemingly easy fixes. When it comes to mental health - those diagnoses just bring with them a plethora of additional burdens. Because now we have to really look deep into the dark recesses of our brains and determine why the hell we feel so fucked up.

Sure, we can turn to pharmacology and hope and pray that medication will help us snap out of our darkness and bring us back amongst the living. Unfortunately, it's rarely that easy. And based on your situation, age, and the doctors sought after for treatment, some people may be offered meds right away to help combat their depression and anxiety, while others encouraged to enter some form of therapy, and oftentimes, both are suggested.

Many of the therapies I underwent did truly help, while a few just caused more pain and trauma - namely the physical and emotional side effects of ECT and the unconscionable words of a few therapists, the so-called healers who were assigned to help me but only inflicted more shame and greater harm.

The sad thing is that I've only compounded those feelings of shame and guilt by my actions that occurred because of my original feelings of desperation.

So that means that not only have I had to work on healing the pain I've felt most of my life, but I've had to also face the pain that I inflicted on not only myself, but my family and friends. It's just one big, fucking, vicious cycle!

I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm ready to jump off that proverbial hamster wheel and catapult myself onto a level path - one that's surrounded by bright light, hope, peace, and not only a will to live, but excitement to see what the future holds for me.

So if you like, follow me and read my story, and, if you're struggling right now, maybe it'll offer you a bit of hope for a happy future!

Post

[itsawhumpsideblog]

Be It Ever So Humble, Book 1

Content notes: a letter about Declan and some home leave, character injury, a wedding This chapter's song is kind of wistful and sweet. Listen here: https://youtu.be/5Be-77se8mY

"Mid Pleasures and palaces though I may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home;

A charm from the sky seems to hallow us there,

Which, seek thro' the world, is ne'er met with elsewhere"

~Home, Sweet Home

About the time we reached our own regiment, the 69th left Maryland and crossed the Potomac River in the direction of Harper's Ferry, Virginia. We had been there almost two weeks when Patrick received a letter from home. Sergeant O'Malley came by, handing out the mail himself. Much of it went back into the mail bag, having been addressed to men who were no longer there to receive it.

"Murphy, for you," he said simply handing the letter over.

It was in Colleen's hand, as always- our sisters wrote more skillfully than our parents, and even letters from our Mothers were often written in our sisters' handwriting.

Patrick scanned the letter as we watched him, and partway through his mouth fell open.

"Oh my God," he gasped. "Oh my God."

"What?" I asked, suddenly nervous. It had to be bad to affect Patrick so badly. He had gone completely pale, and his hands were shaking. He gave me the letter and held his head in both hands, mussing his red hair and looking shocked.

Dear Patrick,

We hope you are well and that you and your friends came through this last battle safely. I regret I have bad news to convey. We heard from Declan this morning and I wrote to you immediately. He was wounded and the surgeons have had to amputate his arm- his left one. He is in the hospital in Washington right now and as soon as he can be moved Mother and Da are going to bring him home. He says he is sorry for all the trouble he has caused us, but it now seems like nothing compared to this. If you can get leave, please come home even just for a little while. Mother is frantic with worry about you and so is Da, even if he shows it less. Truth be told, I am worrying about you, too. I just want both my brothers at home again. Please come.

Love,

Colleen

I was shocked, too, reading that letter. "Poor Declan," I murmured.

"My brother," Patrick said, still completely in shock. "I can't believe- my brother. Declan. I can't believe it."

"Somebody hand him a cup of coffee," Rory suggested softly. "It'll be good for him." I got up and with shaking hands poured the coffee we had made into my tin cup and handed it to Patrick. I was nervous, but he was shaking so badly that when he took the cup the coffee sloshed over the side. He took a long drink and then, setting my cup back on the ground next to the fire, stood suddenly and ran to a nearby stand of trees to be sick.

I got up and followed him, but more slowly so as to give him a moment to himself. When I got to where he was, Patrick was sitting under a tree looking pale.

"I can't believe it," he repeated to me. Suddenly a tear swelled in his eye and he began to cry, weeping bitterly into his hands.

"I'm sorry," he managed in between sobs. "All this time, he doesn't hardly write and never says where he is and now he's only coming home again because he's…"

I put my arm around Patrick's shoulders and let him cry. He was sniffling and I pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him.

"Use that," I said. "It's just got some dirt on it. And coffee, maybe." He took it and blew his nose, then used the cleanest corner to wipe his eyes as he struggled to get his emotions under control.

"Don't tell the lads?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Never."

"Thanks," he said with a watery smile. "Let's go back. I'm not going to want supper, but sleep wouldn't be too bad."

I walked back to our tents with him and waited there, listening as he tossed and turned until he finally fell still and his breathing evened out- he was asleep. Only then did I get up and go back to the campfire where Jack and Rory were anxiously waiting for me.

"What exactly was that?" Jack asked. I sighed.

"Remember Patrick talking about his brother?" I asked. "The one who ran away and enlisted? Patrick got a letter from his sister- their brother was wounded and lost his arm." Jack and Rory winced.

"That's bad luck, sure," Jack said sympathetically. Rory nodded solemnly and we fell silent. After what had happened to Ted, this was doubly difficult for Patrick.

The next morning, Patrick woke up determined to do something. No sooner did we have the chance then he was pulling me along to find an officer and get leave to go home.

"Of course you're coming with me," he said as though it were a given. I just shrugged. I couldn't imagine refusing Patrick anything that day and I certainly wasn't going to turn down a chance to see my home and family again.

"Good morning, Sir," Patrick said with a salute when we'd gotten all the proper permissions to see our lieutenant and had tracked him down. I echoed both the sentiment and the gesture.

"Good morning, lads," said our Lieutenant, shuffling through some papers and looking distracted. "You're hoping for leave, then?"

"Yessir," Patrick replied.

"Why?"

"Sir?"

"Why are you applying for leave?"

"Sir, my brother was wounded and they're sending him home," Patrick explained. "My Mother wrote begging me to try to get leave and Micheál- er, Private O'Suilleabhain, could travel with me. I'm not sure…" here he sounded serious, suddenly, less like a boy trying to get out of some mischief, "…I'm not sure I can go alone."

At the change in his voice, the Lieutenant looked up and studied Patrick's face.

"My sister's getting married, too," I added quickly, in case that would help.

"Very well," he said at last. "Let me write up your papers. Names, please?"

"Patrick Murphy."

"Micheál O'Suilleabhain," I said, resisting the urge to give him my name in English. Patrick always took that personally and today was not the day to needle him.

"Company G," Patrick added needlessly and we waited while the papers were filled out. We had leave from the following day for three weeks- plenty of time to get home, see our families and return to the army.

I didn't realize until I had the paper how much I was looking forward to being home. Maura could get married, I realized, and it would be good to see Mother and Bridget again as well.

We hurried back to deliver the good news to Jack and Rory, and to make sure our things were in order. We said goodbye before going to sleep- Patrick and I would be leaving for the train first thing in the morning.

I didn't sleep that much, really. I was waiting for dawn to break, and eventually I went out and dozed by our campfire instead of rolling back and forth in the tent next to Patrick who, of course, slept soundly until right before it was time to leave.

We left camp at 5:00 that morning and hiked to the train station. The morning air was cool and I was happy to have the replacement gloves that Mother had sent. We left before the sun came up and it was disconcerting, to say the least, to be walking through the woods before light.

The dawn, though, more than made up for it and we had just crested a small hill when the sun slipped up over the horizon.

"Will you have a look at that?" Patrick murmured, pointing to the purple sky, rapidly turning orange as we watched. We paused on the hillside until the colors began to disappear in the real light of the day, and then we kept on, not wanting to be late.

I was overjoyed to arrive in New York. We hurried home along the familiar streets and past all the familiar places. Even in the evening, the streets were crowded with people all hurrying somewhere and I found it a little overwhelming. Army camps were crowded places, of course, but they were no match for New York City, where you couldn't see the sky or catch a breath of fresh air. On the upside, as bad as it smelled, it didn't smell of perpetually of wood smoke.

I followed Patrick to our building almost at a run, and then we went quickly up to my apartment. I knew I couldn't get away without stopping at home first, and I was surprised to find that Patrick, looking more nervous than I had expected from him, had followed me.

I knocked lightly and let myself in. It wasn't terribly late at night, and so Mother and the girls were still awake. Like the first time we had returned home, after the first battle at Bull Run, I was nearly knocked over and just about smothered with kisses. I just grinned and laughed and hugged my family right back.

When they had finished with me, they made an equal fuss over Patrick and at last my mother thought to ask whether he had been to see his own family yet.

"Not yet," he replied. "I-" and he broke off and shrugged.

Mother hugged him again. "Your father and Declan got home yesterday," she told him. "Declan's doing about as well as can be expected. He's in bed and Colleen's fussing over him. He says his arm's hurting, but the doctors said he'll be all right soon. You boys should go up and see him. I'm sure he'd be glad to have you there. Your mother will be happy to have you home, too," she added a bit pointedly. Patrick looked a little heartened after hearing that, and we went upstairs. Bridget went, too, to keep Colleen company. Mother said she'd been doing that a lot since the news came about Declan. Colleen was apparently taking it hard.

We climbed the stairs to the Murphys', where the reception was similar to the one we'd enjoyed at my home. Mr. Murphy wrung his son's hand and Mrs. Murphy burst into tears and held Patrick like she would never let him go. After a minute, though, he worked himself free and went over to the bed where his brother was lying, with Colleen sitting in a chair next to the bed, unwilling to leave her twin.

"Good to have you back," Patrick said gently and clasped Declan's hand for a moment.

"Good to see you, Pat. Sit down," Declan murmured, gesturing to the bed, and Patrick sat down gently. I stood next to Patrick and Bridget went over to give Colleen a hug before sitting down on the floor next to me. I finally sat down on the ground and looked up at the little group.

"We came as soon as I got Colleen's letter," Patrick told his brother. "How long have you been back?"

"Da and I got here yesterday," Declan said in a weak voice. He looked absolutely drained; pale and exhausted. His arm was gone from above the elbow and the sleeve of his nightshirt had been pinned to his chest. His red hair seemed to be the only colorful thing about him: even his rosy cheeks had gone white.

I shook my head. First Ted, then Declan. I could only pray that it wouldn't get any worse, that Patrick and Jack and Rory would all make it home someday.

"Do you mind me asking what happened?" Patrick asked as gently as he could, and tears started in Declan's eyes.

"It wasn't even in battle," he said in a shamed voice. "There was an accident in camp- an explosion-" He started to cry and Colleen leaned over him, stroking his hair and talking softly, trying to comfort him. Patrick looked stricken and I looked away, sad for him and for Declan. After a moment Declan pulled himself together and continued,

"I got knocked out when the explosion happened. It almost took my arm off, and I have shrapnel wounds to my chest and my legs. And look at my head." He pulled his hair off his forehead to reveal a long cut that looked to be healing, but which was still visible and painful looking. Patrick and I winced.

"God, Pat," Declan said to his brother, staring pensively off into the distance. "All the things I saw in battle- all those men dying and I didn't expect to live through it- and this is what happens in the end."

Bridget scooted closer to me and looped her arm through mine, laid her head on my shoulder, and sighed.

We didn't stay long, what with Declan needing to rest and the family wanting time alone together now that Patrick was home, and as we headed down the stairs Bridget stopped me.

"Micheál, are you careful out there?" she asked.

"Always," I answered truthfully.

"Declan said it was just an accident," she told me. "I… I thought all we had to worry about were the battles."

My heart felt suddenly heavy. I knew that Bridget was no longer a child, but to me she would always be my little sister, and I wanted to protect her from all the horrible things that happened in the war. I wanted her to survive it untouched.

Obviously, it was too late for that.

"I'm always careful," I promised, taking her by the shoulders and looking her straight in the eye. "I never take any more risks than I have to. Declan didn't either… and I guess sometimes these things just happen. If he'd gotten hit by a carriage on Broadway, would you stop walking down there?"

"That's different," she argued. "A million people walk down Broadway every day and the carriage drivers aren't trying to kill you. You're in the army, Micheál. The rebels are trying to kill you. I know it's not safe."

"I'm more likely to get sick and die," I said frankly. "That's one thing I can do something about- I can try to stay warm and dry when I'm not on picket and I can have a good swallow of whiskey when I have to be out in the wet. And look at me- not sick yet." I chose to omit our collective illness of the previous winter.

"If you say so," was all Bridget said, and her voice was quivering. She hugged me and buried her face in my shoulder for a second before starting down on down the stairs again, her back straight and her chin up.

I wondered when it was that my little sister had become such a woman.

One of the best things that came out of Patrick's and my homecoming was Maura's wedding. As mother had written, she was engaged to a Sergeant named Thomas Mahoney and I found that he spent a good deal of time at our house already.

I was a little wary of him at first, feeling that I had to be the man of the family and wanting to be sure that he was good enough for my sister. It didn't take much to see, though, that Maura adored him and that he thought the world of her.

He had lost a leg in battle fairly early in the war, and so was working as a recruiter in New York. He and Maura had met, Bridget told me, at Mass one Sunday when they had ended up sitting next to each other and had been forced to share a hymn book. Mother had glared at Maura for the rest of Mass, Bridget had added, laughing, because she and Tom had been whispering wicked things about the priest, who was old and a little strange. After that, Tom had gone to Mother to apologize for talking during Mass and to ask whether he might be permitted to call on Maura at home. I approved heartily of this course, and liked him all the better for it.

By the day the wedding was to take place, about two weeks after I came home, I was thoroughly in favor of Tom's joining the family and was looking forward to Maura's marriage- I could see plainly how happy it would make her.

The ceremony was to be a small affair. The Murphys were invited, of course, as were the friends Tom and Maura had in the city and Tom's family, who were a large group of boisterous red-headed people. The guests were mostly women, the men being enlisted and in the field.

The wedding took place on a Sunday evening and our house was terribly busy in the preceding days. There was food to be prepared, Maura's dress to be fitted properly, plans to be confirmed with the Priest, and a million little chores. I found myself running back and forth to the grocers, to see the woman who was sewing Maura's dress as a wedding gift, and, on that Sunday, making endless trips to the church.

I couldn't tell who was more nervous- Maura and Tom, or Mother. Our house was a tense place for a few days, and I mostly tried to be as helpful as possible and to stay out of the way. This meant a lot of time spent at the Murphys' where Declan was recovering.

He liked the company, especially of Patrick and I who did not fuss over him. His mother and Colleen both did and although he understood and could hardly fault them, it embarrassed him. He wanted to be doing things for himself again. Besides that, he said, it was different to be around soldiers, who understood the things that gave him nightmares.

Just as I had noticed how much older Bridget seemed, Patrick noticed the same things about his siblings.

"Declan's a man now," Patrick remarked one day when he accompanied me on the long trek to fetch Maura's dress. "I can't say how I know it- but he's different. It's the look in his eyes, or the way he talks, maybe. I just don't know. Colleen's older too. She looks after Declan like she was somebody's mother and she always knows what to do- just like Mother does. God, Micheál, but we've been gone a long time."

"I know," I said. "And now we'll be letting Maura go, too." I was a little sad, in spite of the fact that she and Tom would only be living in the building across the street, and that it would really be I who was leaving, to go back to the army. Patrick knew all these things, but he just nodded and clapped my shoulder and before we could drag the conversation on any longer we had arrived home to Mother calling my name with another chore that needed to be done.

When the ceremony finally occurred, I could have cried. It was simple and beautiful. There was nothing extraordinary in the church itself, nor in the slightly ragged appearance of the attendees, but Maura and Tom so clearly loved each other and were so happy to be getting married that it was like a fairy story anyway. When they had at last kissed and left the church, there was a short reception and then they went home to their own building for the first time.

Our home felt strangely empty that night, although I knew still that this was silly, as I was not used to being here again, not yet, and would be leaving in only a week. I was torn about that, too; on the one hand, I loved my family and was sorry that they were worrying for me. On the other, I worried ceaselessly myself, about Rory and Jack, as though I could have had any effect on what happened to them if I had been there.

Instead of trying to make up my mind about how to feel, I tried to take the fact of the thing philosophically and at the end of the three weeks, feeling fairly numb, I said goodbye to Mother and Bridget, then to Maura and Tom, who I already considered a member of the family. Tom, having been in the army himself, would be a comfort to my Mother and sisters as they sent me off to war for the third time which I hoped would be the last. Next time I came home, I hoped it would be for good.

Patrick's mother shed the predicted tears and Declan became virtually silent in the couple of days before we left. He wished, he finally admitted, that he was going with us. We nodded, knowing how he felt even though Patrick was relieved that Declan would be staying home and that his worry for his brother was ended as it had been, and not with the news of Declan's death. We were living in funny times, I thought to myself, that Patrick should be relieved to hear that his brother had "only" been wounded.

We arrived back in camp on November 1st, and while I wasn't what you would call thrilled to have returned to the war, "content" might have been the word- and Jack and Rory were certainly happy to have us back. When we arrived back in camp, Jack ran over and pounded us both on the back.

"You haven't missed a thing," he promised. "We've got a new regiment now- they're Pennsylvania boys- and we've just been drilling and resting, thank God. We needed it after Antietam."

"That's about the shape of it," I agreed.

"How was home?" Jack asked. "How's your brother, Patrick? Micheál, did your sister get married?"

"Slow down, lad," Patrick laughed. "New York is just the same as always, my brother's better and Tom and Maura are happily married. Now, where's Rory gone off to?"

"Right here," came a familiar voice, and we turned to see Rory coming down the company street, his arms full of wood for the fire. "Glad you're back," he commented, smiling.

"Good to see you," I called, and Patrick took some of the wood from Rory's load and began building up the fire. We ate well that night; our haversacks had been stuffed by our mothers before we left home. We'd tried not to eat much of it on the train ride, so we had small pies to share, and plenty of bread and potatoes. These we buried in the coals of the fire and happily burned our hands over the results when they had cooked.

I was glad for the warmth the next day when we were ordered to gather our belongings and fall in to leave Harper's Ferry. We next set up winter quarters on the banks of the Rappahannock River and settled in until early December.

Next

Masterpost

[hauntedwitch04]

Enough

Nyx x reader

Words: about 1k

Warnings: a bit angst, a lovely and a super cute Nyx (I love this man)

Author's note: This one is for the lovely @marigold-morelli, hope you are feeling better. I had this idea a bit ago, and it seemed perfect for you and your request. Hope you like it, and have a good day (p.s. Sorry fo any grammar error)

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

<><><><><><><><><><><><><3><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

You have had no answer from Nyx for days now. You are sitting on the couch in the Wind House, lost in your thoughts worried about your mate who has not been heard from for some time now. As with your eyes fixed, you are lost in your mind you do not hear Nesta enter the room. Immediately she looks at you worriedly, and sits down next to you. 

"Honey, are you feeling all right?" She asks, resting a hand on your shoulder. You turn around and realize what you were doing. 

"Yes, yes quiet. I was just lost in my thoughts for a moment." You answer in a tone that tries to be convincing, but she does not seem so convinced. 

"What were you thinking about?" 

"Nothing really, just thinking about how long it's been since my last mission." 

"Why?" She asks curiously. She sees you hesitantly, but reads in your eyes that fear she has felt so many times, of not being enough. You can never be happy with what you do, always asking more of yourself. She had suffered for a time because of this, because she did not feel enough for this family, for her family. Eventually you let go and confess to her what she had already understood. 

"I feel like I'm not doing enough, like I'm not helping." Without thinking about it she hugs you, and she doesn't know how much that hug means to you. For days you have done nothing but yearn for Nyx's touch: a caress, a hug, a cuddle; but he is nowhere to be found. 

"You are one of the best spies I know, in fact you know I'm telling you the best, because you love what you do and you work your hardest to do it, and that's a credit to you. But let's not tell Az, you know he's touchy." Nesta says holding you close, while you giggle, crying a little at her kind words. 

"Do you happen to know where Nyx is, he hasn't been heard from in days." You ask finally, giving in to your concern. No one from the Inner Circle knows that you two are mates, but you can't help but ask her for information. 

"From the latest news he should be back tomorrow. How come you care about him? Last time you didn't call him an insulting asshole as smart as a rock and with an ego equal to the number of stars in the sky, if I'm not mistaken those were your words." He says in an amused tone, giving me a wink. You can't help but laugh at his words, as your cheeks turn hot with embarrassment. 

"Well I need to know if I can finally throw a party because I'm not going to see him anymore or not, you know" You reply, making her laugh so hard that even her mate enters the room, looking at Nesta with an amused and amazed look. 

"What are you two laughing at." Cassian asks, chuckling. 

"None of your business, girl talk." His mate replies, giggling. 

He throws up his hands and leaves the room laughing. She, too, leaves the room shortly after, following him, leaving me once again to my own thoughts. 

Without realizing it you still find yourself lying on that couch in the evening, when sleep surprises you, as you once again find yourself wandering through the darkest meaders of your mind, doubting yourself. 

You wake up in the middle of the night when you feel someone kissing your cheek, and as soon as you open your eyes you discover it is your beloved. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up, just that you were so beautiful while you were sleeping that I couldn't help myself." Nyx apologizes, lying down next to you. 

"You know if we stay here, they will find us in the morning right?" You say in an obvious tone, and he as if he doesn't hear you wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you even closer to him as he rests his chin on your head, nuzzling your hair. 

"Mother, I love your shampoo, it's how I imagine the smell of home. And no, I don't care if they find us, the important thing is to have you in my arms and I don't want to waste a second more." He replies. 

Your heart skips a beat at his words, and you can't help but think back to what occupied your mind before you fell asleep. 

"How did I deserve you?" These words escape from your mouth, uncontrollably. 

He places a finger under your chin and brings your gaze to his. 

"What do you mean love?" He asks in a soft tone.

"I don't know, I just don't feel like I'm not doing enough and I feel...useless." You answer, knowing you cannot keep anything hidden from him.

He stares at you for a moment with those wonderful violet eyes and then says. 

"You are perfect just the way you are. And I was the one who asked not to give you too heavy missions because you need to rest. Taking a break doesn't mean you're not doing enough. I sometimes have the job of stopping you before you go too far." Nyx replies, and subsequently proceeds to take your face in her hands. 

"And now as punishment for doubting you even for a second I will kiss you so many times that you will forget even your own name." He says before starting to compulsively kiss your face. You begin to laugh and beg for mercy because he was tickling you. You do not even realize that you have fallen asleep until the sunlight hits your face in the morning, and you feel someone lay a blanket over you. 

"She was very worried about you." I hear Nesta say under her breath. 

"I could feel it through the bond, but I couldn't tell her anything. I felt very bad about this, but rules are rules." Nyx replies, running a hand over my hair, gently. 

"I knew you accepted the bond, Feyre has to buy me that dress. " She says in a victorious tone and Nyx chuckles. 

"Did you know we are mates? And you didn't say so?" He asks curiously. 

"Of course, you may be good at keeping secrets, but you are quite obvious when all you do is undress with your eyes at the meeting table." Nesta chuckles at him. 

"Maybe we should have been more careful." Nyx counters. 

"Maybe." You continue. 

Taglist

• @winchestergirl222 • @nothingimportentreally • @duda • @itsmeseph • @lys-neyr8 • @nyotamalfoy • @anonimusy • @marigold-morelli

[kitsuvil]

vyn richter - hanahaki disease (gn! reader)

you have a deep affection for vyn richter, but he does not exactly reciprocate those feelings. (first person, open ending, pls use ur imagination to make it a happy ending, sad endings are depressing)

1.2k words

    a flower.

    and then another.

    i stare at myself in the mirror, sick to my stomach with how long this has been going on. how long i’ve had to keep it hidden. both my feelings and this bothersome illness. i grab the moist flower petals that fell into the sink and throw them into the garbage, putting on a fake smile and leaving my apartment. when you’re painfully in love, life doesn’t stop for you. it never will. 

    i look down at my phone after hearing a ring, as much as i don’t want to pick it up because it’s probably vyn checking in on me for work, i can’t just ignore it. “good morning, dr. richter. i’m on my way to work right now and i made sure to have breakfast, you don’t have to bug me about it,” i give a little chuckle. every morning he calls to make sure i’m safe and taking care of myself and then you’d wonder why exactly i catch feelings. but those feelings may never be voiced, lest i ruin the current relationship he’s in, as well as our own friendship. not to mention he’s my superior and i’m no more than a student to him. 

    “good morning, that’s good to hear y/n, the office has free coffee if you’re in the mood to pick some up, i know i didn’t want to wake up this morning until i had some caffeine in my body.”

    “you got that right, i’m definitely not off to a good start today, i’ll make sure to pick some up, say thanks to whoever bought them for me!”

    “i’ll make sure to, i hope you feel better soon.”

    “thank you, dr. richter. we have a meeting today, right? i’ll make sure to be at my best by then. i’ll see you soon.”

    i hang up, hands clutching my beating heart as i feel the familiar feeling rise through my chest and up into my throat. i let out a cough, making sure that no one got the chance to see the flash of color come out from my mouth. “it’s fine, y/n. you can do this.”

    i attempt to block out the thoughts racing through my head, reducing my mind to only focus on the click-clack of my shoes on the concrete sidewalk. listening in on other people’s conversations, staring at the gray buildings, some with a sweet pop of color. before i can realize where exactly i am, i’ve made it to the building. vyn richter’s psychological research and therapy building. or, the building where i work underneath dr. richter as his apprentice, one of them. i’m constantly reminded of the fact that though it comes across clearly when vyn cares for a person, i am one of many and at the end of the day i don’t seem all that special. not to myself, not to vyn.

    and i especially pale in comparison to his current girlfriend, who i happen to see running across the hallway, right into vyn’s arms. i turn away immediately, facing the direction i was originally going anyway. i'd rather not see that right now. i'll take up that free coffee and get to work instead. the faster i get finished the longer the break i get is.

at least the coffee doesn't taste bad. it has a perfect sweetness to it, it's exactly how i normally order my coffee and it was marked with my name as well, who the hell leaked my coffee order?

"morning, y/n!" my coworker calls out from across where i normally sit. "good morning!" i wave to them as i pull out my chair, setting down my belongings on the table. the computer screen glows a bright white color after i reach over to press the power button. "hey, you got your coffee right?! did you hear, dr. richter was actually the one to buy them!" another colleague comes running into the office. i turn back to look at her with shock, "does he really know all our orders? then again, i shouldn't be surprised, should i?"

"that's exactly what i was thinking, he's the best boss ever."

"i can hear you guys, you're very welcome, though i wouldn't say i'm the best boss ever. i thought i'd treat you all for how much work you've been putting in lately. please, enjoy without worry." vyn himself walks into the room, his girlfriend next to him. she's also his coworker. just like us. he's also her boss. 

so why can't it be me instead. she's always beside him. it's been years now, but he's never shown a single emotion that could mean he has feelings for me too. we spend so much time together, in meetings and on outings, but we've always just been… friends, coworkers. 

the moment i realize how far i'm digging into my negative thoughts, it's gone too far. it starts slow, a slight choking feeling in my throat, but in a few seconds i'm gripping my table with my fingers as they turn white, holding back a coughing fit. a flower fit. 

"the meeting is set to start in 30 minutes, i'll see all of you there, alright? work hard for me. i'll be off - or not,"

vyn quickly runs to me, seeing the state i'm in physically.

"are you alright, y/n? can you talk?" 

the tears begin to brim in my eyes. not in front of him, please not in front of him. i could care less if it was just my coworkers… but, his girlfriend is here, he's right next to me, the stress is rushing to my brain and i feel as if i'll just explode any second.

the flowers start to fall to the floor in a successive order. one after the other. the rose petals, the colors of flowers that bloom only in summer, winter, in the day, or in the night, petals from orchids and tulips, every colorful plant you could ever think of that has pertinence to love. pink, rosey colored azaleas fall into the mix. white, reflective, and beautiful lilies. some thorns that scratch my throat on their way down, only making the burning feeling worse as the salty tears flow down at the same pace. 

if this was a different situation, you could say that i naturally created one of the most beautiful bouquets ever. it felt like an abstract art piece of just flowers. but on the inside, i felt disgusting, embarrassed. i wanted to disappear. and so i did. i grew physically weaker and weaker until i lost control over my own body and all i saw was pitch black.

but then i woke up. my eyes slowly adjusted to the lights and it was very much the lights from the ceiling of a hospital. i'm alive. the constant burning in my chest was still there, but i was already used to it from the years of pain. what i didn't expect and was not used to was the feeling of someone by my side on this hospital bed.

but i was too tired to question it. maybe it's vyn by my side. maybe not.

though if it is, "i'll be here waiting for you, forever, it doesn't matter the pain i go through, because i can't stop myself. i'll be here until the end of time, vyn richter." 

the soft, muffled cries of guilt went unheard by my ears, as i had already closed my eyes once again and was sound asleep.

this took me all night to write but i honestly enjoyed it sm, of course not the sad-ish ending but,, we don't have enough vyn reader hanahaki disease works so <3 i wish i could say there's a bunch of happier fluff coming on the way but... keep ur eyes peeled for a kamisato ayato angst though !

[gardenergulfie]

"You know," Shelby begins. "I'm not too sure I want to be a girl."

"Okay," Pirate Joe says. "You don't have to be."

And that's the start of it.

Shelby looks over to where Joe is squeezing the water from his hair onto the grass. He'd taken a dip in her pond, and ended up dropping little amethyst crystals that had chipped off onto their picnic blanket. Still, he was dripping wet, and she wasn't allowing him to stink up her blanket with wet fish stink.

"What?" Shelby asks.

"What. You don't want to be a girl? Don't be. It's no biggie, really." Joe shakes his head wildly, water spraying in every direction.

"Joe!" Shelby reprimands.

"Just let me on the blanket! I won't stink it up, you know I won't! The cove smells the way it does because fish is some of our exports."

"Hm." Shelby says. "Tell me more about this 'just don't be a girl' thing while we get you a towel."

Joe groans. "Or we could be comfy on the blanket! We both know I'm going back in anyway! Shelby, pleaaaaseeeee," he whines.

Shelby beckons him to her house, and he hangs his head as he follows. He's nice enough to drop the act about halfway there, rolling his shoulders back and no longer dragging his feet. He still rolls his eyes at her when she glances at him though.

"It's just what it says on the tin, Shelby. Don't wanna be a girl? Don't do it. Wanna be a boy? Go right ahead. Don't wanna be a boy either? Don't be a boy then. That's what I did." He straightens even further as Shelby opens her front door and starts rummaging through her closet for the box she knows has towels in it. Magic above, below and throughout, she needs to clean up a little better.

"That's what you did?" Shelby repeats.

"Yup!" Shelby can see him slap his chest. "Self made, honey."

Shelby turns to him fully, and blinks at his bare chest. "Uh. How?" Oh and- ah! A towel!

"Fish are very genderfluid animals. It comes with living in the water. I'm amphibious though, so I'm more solid about it. And my gender is solidly boy."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"And who's the fish here, Witch Girl?"

Shelby frowns at him, but, well. He's right. He's annoying when he's right. She throws the towel at him.

Joe sputters into the towel, then pulls it off his face and inspects it. "Oh. Thank you. Conversation over now? You're not a girl anymore and I get snacks?"

"I'm not a girl anymore?"

"I thought- I thought that was the point of this. You don't want to be a girl. You don't have to be a girl. Done, finished, I get food now?" Joe looks legitimately confused, as if their five minute conversation had revealed every mystery of the world in a digestible manner.

"Well, I mean- what can I be? What do I get to choose?"

Joe pouts at her. "Get with it, Shelby! Anything. Boy, girl, something else, something between, nothing at all, something up in the end! Something down in the nether. I don't know. Picnic basket time, what did you make to eat?"

Shelby doesn't really think about how she's moving back to the basket, mostly just contemplating the idea of being anything she wants as she stares into Joe's back. He's bouncing off to get food, because he's a hungry little fish. She hopes he finds the little jar of fish food she put in there to make fun of him.

By the time she's made her slow, slow way to the blanket, he's pulled out a plate for himself and has put a bunch of sweets and a slice of pie onto it. He's snacking on a cookie.

"Screw you, by the way," Joe says, shaking the jar of fish food at her.

"No thank you," Shelby tells him, pulling out her own plate. "Not into that sorta thing. Anyway, what if I wanted to be nothing. Neither of them. None of them. The genders, I mean. None of the genders."

"Okay," Joe says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "Are you changing any pronouns, or is that like, not it for you."

"My pronouns? Oh, uh, is this a thing I have to think about?"

"Not really. If you like being called she and her, then you're good with it. If you like any others, go for that too. Or instead of she and her." He shoves a whole sweet berry into his mouth, chews it almost thoughtfully, then swallows. "Shelby, I need you to know that my advice on this is that none of it matters. You do what you want. I'm a boy. I wanna be a boy. I just became a boy when I figured out I was a boy. It took, like, a month and a half, because biology exists, but it happened. You're not a girl. You don't want to be any of it. That works too. You're not any of it. If you figure out something else later, that's okay too. Then you're whatever you want to be then."

"Oh." Shelby looks down at her own sweet berry. "Okay. Then, yeah, I want to be none of them and, um... I think I like the pronouns I have."

"Awesome. If I go back into the pond, are you going to kill me for getting all wet again?"

Shelby laughs. "I'll kill you when you deserve it. Go. I'll judge the dive."

Joe is speed incarnate as he stands and backs up to get a good running start. He squints at the pond, glances at Shelby, then grins. He takes a skip step, cartwheels, lands mostly on his feet, sprints, and then-

"JOE!" Shelby yells as he cannonballs into pool and splashes her. He surfaces, just up to his nose, so that she can only barely see the grin on his lips. "NO POINTS! NO POINTS. THAT WASN'T A DIVE. YOU PRICK!"

There's a bubbling from under the water that Shelby recognizes as laughter, and she glares, pressing the smile on her face down. Shelby considers how soaked she is [pretty soaked, actually], then tugs her boots and socks off.

"Alright, fishy boy. If that's how you're gonna play-" Shelby sprints and jumps into the pond, grabbing onto Joe as she hits the water, laughter pouring out of her mouth as bubbles.

Later, when she's drying her hair and kicking at Joe as he shakes his hair out, she notes that not much about her has changed. There's one thing though, something that she knows, and Joe knows, and that's enough for her. She's not a girl. And there's some sort of warm glee in her chest at the idea. She's not a girl. Not a boy. She is neither and nothing and that is all that she wants to be.

YEAHHHH LOOK AT TYEN THE EVERDUO I LOVE THEM!!!!

[harrysmimi]

It's A Date !!!

Synopsis: Harry goes overboard planning a date for his girlfriend.

A/N: 1) okay, I've had this up on my Wattpad for quite a while now, but I remember enjoying writing this so much! Hope y'all like it too!

2) if you see that it is mentioned that YN is Indian, it was meant to be. Hehe cuz I am Indian and I find ways to represent my country and culture. So yeah! And we also love inclusivity in this house hold! :))

More of my work

Harry was in London, she didn't know for how long, but he was still in London and there was not alot going on with him. He was very free.

The new year has just kicked in, YN was back to work from her Christmas break.

As it was the start of year YN had a shit load of work going on, she might have to get some overtime hours in. Being a secretary of a company wasn't all unicorns and cotton candy as she imagined when she was in college but it was still fun. It was her break time. YN was headed out to get herself a coffee when she saw Harry walk in like he owns the place (he doesn't), making his way to the reception before he actually saw her, a huge grin spread across his face as he walked towards her.

"Hey baby!" He cooed draping an arm around her shoulders to pull her in a warm side hug, pressed a kiss on her forehead as he walked to wherever she was going with her. He'd swear he would walk through hell with her.

"Hey!" She wrapped her arm around his waist, "you don't come to see me this time at my office."

"Why, I can't?"

"You can but you usually never come over to my work place." She reminded him, "unless it's an emergency."

"There is an emergency, but it can wait for a couple of minutes." He told her, "where are we headed to?"

"To get coffee. I have a little over fifty drafted mails to go through, then I have to send in the letter for the annual meeting, and arrange a few meetings his week. I feel like I'm going fo die!" She ranted as both of them walked in the cafe right in front of the firm.

"You're not going to die, I am sure. But you also don't have to work." He told her, YN just shook her head and went ahead to order her coffee.

"You want anything?" She asked.

"I'm good, fanks lovie." He smiled, "don't worry about that I gotchu." He stopped her from paying for her coffee and quickly handed his own card to the cashier.

"Harry I-"

"Shush! Come here." He interrupted her, taking his card back he guided her to a side.

"I could have paid for it." She told him.

"I know, but I wanted to." He said, "we're going somewhere."

"Where? When?" She asked.

"It's a surprise but we'll have to take a flight. And we have to leave in three hours." He smiled his frog smile to get away with his impulsive decision, he never mentioned anything about this trip. He knew she was running a little low on budget as Christmas have seemed to get a heavy toll on her bank account, they both didn't lives together yet, she was definitely going to be angry, of not mad.

"What?" She almost screamed, "I have work! My boss will fire me if I ask for last minute day off."

"A week off actually, and I did talked to your boss. I'm friends with him." He reminded her.

"That's so unprofessional Harry! Where are you taking me anyway?" She was starting to freak out.

"It's okay we're mates, he didn't think of it that way," he assured her.

"Did he tell you that?"

"Kind of... He was a little bit on sides of saying no but I got him convinced, so let's go to your place now." As be explained YN's name was called to collect her coffee.

"I have my bag and stuff in my office." She sighed.

"Then let's go and get that first." He slid his hand into her lacing their fingers together as he guided her back to her office, he just stopped by the reception. He doesn't want to take any risk of her colleagues finding him there, he remembered YN telling him about how a few of them fangirl over him. Most of them don't leave the floor they're working on Harry got away with visiting his girlfriend at her work place, well, that was whole for four times.

"I'll wait for you in car, okay."

"Yeah, give me ten minutes."

"Don't rush and hurt yourself!" He called her as she ran up the stairs.

...................................................

Harry was startled by the knock on his window. It wasn't YN, it was some other girls looking to be around her age. Harry remembered her from the pictures YN was showing him from this office party, how they all just ditched the party when to this pub near by. Harry couldn't remember her name, but he remembers her recent obsession with him and his songs as been told by his girlfriend. She didn't know YN was dating him actually and YN didn't even bothered to tell her about it.

"Shut up, you're Harry Styles!" That girl gasped when Harry rolled his window down making him giggle, "I am sorry to disturb you but just wanted to come up and say Hi, I love your music!"

"That means a lot, thank you so so." Harry said, he saw YN from the corner of her coming out and texting him, but she stopped once she saw the girl by the car.

"Do you mind if I get a picture with you?" She asked.

"Sure..." he agreed hesitantly, but posed for the selfie. "Would you mind waiting for a couple of days before you post them?"

"Yeah, yeah don't worry!" She assured him, "I am Brielle by the way, my friend YN is going to freak out when she sees these pictures!"

"Aw say Hi to her." Harry cooed trying to giggle and give it away.

"I will, I will thank you!" Brielle waved him bye and skipped her way back to office. Harry laughed seeing how the blonde tackled YN by the entrance in a hug shoving her into her face. Harry quickly ducked down seeing Brielle was about to point at his car.

"Harry unlock the door." It was YN calling him. She was holding her bag, her coat and her jacket in her arms. He unlocked the door for her and opened it. She got in his car and buckled her seat belt after putting her stuff in the back seat. Harry started driving.

"So where are we going?" YN asked.

"To your flat, you need to pack for about... a week. And a shit load of warm clothes." He said, "taking a puffer would be great idea."

"I don't have a puffer jacket." She shook her head.

"We'll get you one don't worry." He said, "or you can take one of mine."

"Okay..." YN said, "where are we going though? To fucking north pole or something?"

"Not exactly but close by." He said. "You trust me too much, don't you?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She shrugged, "unless you're secretly planning to murder me and get the sweets shop my grand dad have written on his will in my name all to yourself."

"That sounds like a plan but, I don't want your grand dad's sweets shop in India. Though the idea sounds delicious. It's a just a date!" He sounded way too enthusiastic.

"A week long date?"

"Yeah!" he nodded.

"Where are we going? Look Harry, I trust you with my dear life but you're giving me anxiety!" She groaned.

"Thank you for your trust in me, but trust me, I seriously don't want your grand dad's sweets shop, at least not right now, so you'll have to wait."

YN just nodded to that.

"Where did the joke of your grand dad writing his sweets shop in your name in his will came from in tbe first place anyway?" He spoke after a moment of silence, stopping at a red light making YN laugh.

"Remember when we went to India, my brothers were teasing me about it constantly and you asked what it was all about?" She reminded him, "I can't believe you still laugh at that joke and go along with me on it and don't know where it actually started! It's been almost two years!"

"Oh, I remember. Your grand dad is really caring I must say."

"I know right, totally! Like he totally didn't acknowledged me for entire six weeks after I was born." There was a sarcastic undertone carried with her words, "I hate that old man to my guts!"

"Oh god, you're going to hold that against that poor man until he dies?" Harry didn't wanted to laugh but he was laughing, on the inside though.

"Right, just few days left."

"Oh goodness!" He sighed.

"What? I can literally go on and on about how shit he have made my childhood look. Leaving a half assed sweets shop in my name on his stupid will isn't going to fucking fix it." YN got offended.

"Touché." Harry nodded knowing exactly what she was saying.

Whilst she says to cover everything up that it doesn't bother her anymore, her grandfather have fucked up her childhood in many ways. About which she went on and on about with her brother one night when they were visiting her parents in her country. From already calling her engagement to one of her cousin's when she was just one year old to not wanting her to go to school at all. To having her parents control ber life to restraining her from taking up the job opportunity in London. That man even hates Harry just because he is white and British, which he doesn't care about much. But the hate YN have for this man is nust indescribable.

"Where are we going again?" YN asked after a moment of silence.

"Thought your grand dad's will kept you distracted." He chuckled. "I'm not telling you where we are going until at least we're at the airport."

"You are seriously not interested in having a sweets shop in India all to yourself, are you?" She asked.

"Nope." He said trying to hold back his laugh back.

...................................................................

Harry got away until he got in plane with YN.

She did not ever fancied traveling in his private jet, for some reason she despised that idea of owning one in the first place even though it was very practical for him. She never travelled into his private jet, though she hardly ever travels for her own self unless it's just for to go see her family. But she didn't asked anything. Harry likes to think it's because she doesn't want to ruin his surprise.

He already knows her response if he asks reason behind her silence and patience. She'd say: 'Harry I plan surprises for you too and you never ruin it and actually be curious and patience at the same time. I don't want to ruin your surprise!"

Yeah, he knows her way too well for her liking. And they've only known each other for just a little over of two years. She was sat next to him on her phone as he read away his book. Harry didn't mean to but he peeped into her phone seeing she was chatting with her cousin who was about to get married in two months. And YN was going through the bridal outfit catalogue her cousin sent her. YN's always got a very good taste in fashion when it comes to her ethnic wear, and she takes full credits of it.

Harry even noticed her very subtly moving the ones she liked to a folder labelled as Urgh! Mine! in her camera roll. Harry never goes through her phone (that's just very toxic!), but he have seen another folder dedicated towards the wedding rings when showing him other pictures and videos on her phone. Yeah, she really mist be into those things. But nope, he have noticed she have the same things on her Pinterest. Though she have never dropped any hints at him, but they have talked about getting married in future.

It was just mainly YN's parents wanting YN to get married, as they think their daughter lives with a someone opposite of her gender whom she is involved in a romantic relationship with, without being married to him.

Yeah, that was a big no-no for her parents.

They don't live together even though Harry have brought up the idea of them moving in together. YN just think her parents are some how gonna find out and drag her ass back home to India, if they find out she is living with with a guy without being married to him.

"We're about to land baby." He informed her.

"What?" She looked surprised, "already?" She buckled her seat belt.

"Yeah." He nodded, "you might want to put the jacket no before we get off."

"Okay." She nodded looking nervous.

He chuckled, "don't be nervous or anything, we're in Norway right now." He announced to her, just as he said dhat the plane landed.

"Wait, for real?" Her heart skipped a beat.

"Yup!" He nodded extending the 'u' sound.

"For real, for real? Like you're not joking? You know this is time for northern lights!" She squealed turning to him.

"Why are you so smart?" Harry sighed dramatically.

"Harry, I love you so much!" She cooed hugging him tightly.

"I love you more angel!" He giggled at her reaction holding her close.

......................................................................

"I can't believe we're going to see northern lights!"

It was very obvious adrenaline was pumping through her body, as they both got of the plane. Looking like a waddling penguin in Harry's puffer jacket she jogged her way to the cab with her suitcase and one of Harry's duffle bag.

Harry remembers her going on and on about how she have always wanted to see the Aurora Borealis, it was out of nowhere, during one of their random conversations. The look on her face did not failed to make his heart full to the point where he thought it might burst.

"Are we going to stay in one of those semi underground igloo kinda houses?" She gasped.

"We're staying at a hotel for the night, I figured it might be too cold for you, so we're going there tomorrow night." He explained, "and rest of the trip we're going to stay at the hotel."

YN just cuddled his arm as they were headed to the hotel. She wasn't quite good at expressing her feelings by words. Harry knew she is happy.

...............................................................

Harry's friend accompanied them both showing around the town. YN felt like a typical tourist but they have Harry's friends showing them around. YN was having the time of her life.

Now they're at the underground igloo house; as she calls it. It was a little room with a bed, side tables, a tiny closet and a bathroom, an attachment living room area. Huge glass windows above the bed to give a view of the Aurora Borealis from inside, there were blinds they can draw for privacy. It was basically a place she wouldn't mind living for the rest of her life.

"This is so cool!" She exclaimed.

"Isn't it!" Harry was a little surprised himself.

"God, I can live here!" YN jumped on the bed on her tummy finding the mattress way too comfy.

"We can move here." Harry suggested lying next to her, "not exactly here but somewhere here."

"Oh please don't give me high hopes, you're already doing too much for me!" YN lifted her head to look at him. "Thank you so much, for everything."

"Of course baby, I love you. Don't think there would be anything as too much if it's for you." He smiled his dimply smile.

"Aw! You are so cheesy and I love you too!" YN scooted closer to him nudging their noses together, "so much!" She pressed a kiss on his plus lips.

"Are you enjoying the trip so far?" He enquired just to be sure, it is very visible she's been the happiest.

"I am having the time of my life! Thank you for bringing me here!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah?" Harry cooed. "Well if you're ready to go out and walk around before the thing starts, we can." He suggested.

"Yeah we can go on a walk." She agreed. Harry gave her a quick kiss before he got up and helped her up.

..................................................................

Their walk didn't go as planned, it was because of Harry who started throwing snow balls at his girlfriend out of nowhere.

"How are you- ow!- not missing- aahhhh!" He screamed over dramatically as YN was throwing snow at him.

"I was the captain of the dodgeball team in school, I wasn't in Corden's Angles." She said throwing another chunk of snow at him. He wasn't able to dodge any of those. "What happened to your spidey senses, Mr. Styles?"

"They are frozen!" He announced taking a decently amount of snow and throwing it at her.

"Let it go, let it go!" She sang casual throwing chunks of snow at him.

"No!" He groaned ducking the huge amount of snow. "You.."

"No!" She squealed and started running the best she could in the snow. But Harry was quick to catch her. She closed her eyes tightly in fear of hitting the ground, but the snow was bery comfy.

"Oh, this is comfy." She commented, Harry was basically laying on top of her, "you can't tickle me now."

"Yeah, I give up." He really gave up, she was wearing a think jacket there was no way she is going to be ticklish.

"You started the snow fight." She pointed.

"I know, but it was fun." He fixed her beanie covering her ears. He leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips, pulling away after placing another on the corner of her mouth.

"Harry there are people out here." She reminded him.

"Oh, you didn't had to ruin my fantasy of having sex under northern lights." He sighed but his words carried teasing undertone.

"It is going to remain a fantasy then." She shrugged.

"We'll see..." He challenged.

"Look!" She gasped looking behind him at the sky. Harry got up from top of her, lying next to her he took in the sight of shifting hues from gorgeous greens to slight yellow hints, from pretty blue to purples and hints of pink. The sight almost appearing to be unbelievable, like a choreographed show of art by mother nature herself. Like those fancy water fountains but it was not man-made.

He looked to his side to even more beautiful sight, his girlfriend admiring the sky, her mitten clad hands covering her mouth in awe of the scenery she have dreamt of seeing in person. Her eyes sparkly with the mirrored image of the hues with glassy glaze, he swore those were tears. Her gasp made him glance at the sky again for a split second to see the waves of hues in the night sky have picked up a new pace moving a little faster.

"It's so pretty; would be an understatement!" She mumble behind her hands.

"Isn't it?" Harry chirped, his classic dimply smile on his face.

"Mhmm!" She nodded, "thank you for bringing me here, Harry, this was on my bucket list since I was eight and I read about it in one of the magazines. Really, thank you so much!" she turned her head to look at him already staring at her.

"Your welcome baby," he scooted closer, nuzzling his nose against hers, like a kitten's kiss. "Are you crying?"

She chuckled moving away a little, "no, my eyes are sweating! Of course I am crying!"

"Awh! C'mere." He cooed pulling her closer to him, "didn't meant to make you cry, lovie, I'm sorry."

"No, these are happy tears!" She mumble against his chest.

"They better be, don't ever want to make your sad." He whispered close to her ear, keeping the conversation private. "I love you so much, YN!"

"I love you more Harry!"

"Would you like to dance?" He asked offering his hand.

"Would love to." She slid her hand in his.

"I clearly did not plan this through." He pulled out his phone and pulling up Apple music, he played their song. YN claimed it as their song because it fit well with how their relationship grew.

He slid his phone in the pocket of his jacket, guided her hand on his shoulder, grabbing her free hand with his, wrapped his free arm around her waist pulling her closer.

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

Time moved too fast

You play it back

Buttons on a coat

Light-hearted joke

No proof, not much

But you saw enough

Small talk, he drives

Coffee at midnight

Harry remembers seeing her at the meeting, it was about his new brand, where he met YN. She was there in the meeting in room noting down minutes on her iPad, assisting the Marketing person to go through his presentation. Harry was gone the moment she started speaking there. He did not paid any attention to anything the presentor had to say (thanks to the minutes she forwarded him later he was able to keep with his business).

The light reflects

The chain on your neck

He says, "Look up"

And your shoulders brush

No proof, one touch

But you felt enough

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

One thing was sure she was not interested in him at all, she gave him hard time in name of professionalism. But pater learned she was just determined to prove her parents wrong showing the proof of her raise and promotion after the success of the project. but he stil teases her the way her clumsy ass fell down bumping into him at the office. How his cross necklace tangled with the necklace she was wearing. He was trying to free the tangled up chains, which she took the other way, gasping she hurriedly moved her clutching her shirt on her chest getting up, breaking her own chain in process. Scolding him in return as she fled the place gathering her files. In her defence, she was having a bad day at work.

Morning, his place

Burnt toast, Sunday (she giggled at the line)

You keep his shirt

He keeps his word

It was a good few months after YN finally agreeing to go on a date with him. The first night she spent at his after their yet another fancy date night. The next day was Sunday so YN agreed to stay over at his and they both binge watched Marvel series. It was a very innocent night, the serie being abandoned long time as one of the very first vulnerable conversation began between them. Him actually putting his feelings in words for her, confessing his love for her. In return she shared the feelings of trust he gained from her in words. Having men trying to pull her down her entire life, she was determined she was going to die single until she met him. Harry being the second after her brother to actually support her and give her right pep talks and encouragement. She have known him for barely three months but it was very easy for Harry fo make his way to her heart. That night he promised her he is not going to ever treat her like her asshole ex.

Next day it was made very obvious, Harry couldn't cook to save his life! But he was going to blame the first kiss they shared, there in his kitchen. He got carried away and burnt the toast and scrambled eggs he made. But YN came to rescue and he didn't had to survive on cereal until lunch, she made some amazing food with whatever was left in his fridge.

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much

But it said enough

For YN, it was very big deal. She does not trust anyone as much she trusts him. She literally flew to another country without knowing where he is taking her, it was not good, or it was good, it's a very debatable topic. But it's her Harry!

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says

You're my best friend

And you knew what it was

He is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

It was raining, typical London weather, Harry had no other option than to ditch his dinner with his mum and stay over at YN's. It was raining very badly, he couldn't drive, nor it was safe for his mum. It was YN dragging him on the side walk (she called her driveway side walk), dancing in the rain. She later ended up getting sick making Harry upset as he warned her, but he was there to take care of her. He really kept his word.

But their first fight was very bad for YN. It was just a misunderstanding, her making him upset without even knowing it. It was not a big deal; he said, he was just being jealous of her colleague. Yeah, Harry Styles get insecure too some times, and why wouldn't he? His girlfriend is the most gorgeous person!

He had promised to pick her up for dinner this night, when he saw her hugging her colleague by the exist. He behaved childish, being grumpy throughout the dinner. Took her back to his as her car broke down and she lives a good one hour away from his place, had an argument there. Ended up sleeping on sofa in his grumpy mood. But she was understanding enough to talk and fix everything. Carefully slid under the blanket he was using and explaining what happened. Her colleague proposed to his girlfriend the day before and she was just congratulating him. Now that fight have became a joke between them. Harry apologised for acting like a baby. He was not feeling himself that day.

She was like his lover and his best friend in one package.

And so it goes

You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round

And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown

It was dark, barely lit as they swayed to the slow music. Like they're in their own bubble dancing under the Northern Lights; like something straight out of a Bollywood movie song. None of them knew how to express their already known feelings to each other, words were never going to be enough.

With both his arms around her waist he leaned down to peck the tip of her nose. She was cold and so was her skin, the dry red tint on her skin was enough to explain that. It was romantically silent around.

And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words

'Cause you can hear in the silence

You can feel it on the way home

You can see it with the lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

It was literally like a war on social media the day Harry invited YN to his Album listening party in New York, just because she could make it there as she was in the city for work. It was last year. An unfinished album about his ongoing love story with this person. For the first time nothing he wrote was being compared to his love life and private life because everything between YN and him was kept in a safe. No one was there to ruin it for him thist time and it's still going strong. YN took all the criticism from his fan as a grain of salt, mostly the negative comments. Though his fans are still very brutal towards her. He is still going to take her to the upcoming music award show as his plus one.

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love.

As the song ended, Harry smeared his lips over her in affectionate kiss, just like the first kiss they share. He doesn't have toast and eggs to worry about being burnt now. Taking his time he planted several small kisses on full of her lips before capturing her bottom lip in his two. YN was first to pull apart running out of air, just to picked up by her boyfriend as he spun around taking her by surprise. Making her squeal and giggle. He rest her back on her feet carefully.

"My hopeless romantic self is screaming like a feral inside." She told him earning a laugh from him.

"We'll make more of her wishes come true." He told her, making sure to pause the next song, Kiwi, before he continued, "but I need you to answer something first."

"Oh, sure." She nodded.

"Our second anniversary is in two months, would plan to ask you this on that day, but this-" he pointed at the sky with the colourful hue still swaying to their own music, "- wouldn't work out. I don't know what to say, honestly, I tried but I couldn't bring myself to prepare a perfect speech."

He grabbed her left mitten clad hand, and he fished his pocket for something, "I have approval and blessings of your father and brothers, so I'll the ask it: Will you Marry me, YN? Give me the honour of being addressed as your husband, please?" And with that he went on his knee.

YN's stomach did a back flip, he literally managed to make her go weak in knees, now she was stood on her knees too.

"Are you being serious right now?" She asked, crying out her happy sobs following by giggles.

"A thousand per cent serious." He assured her. "Will you marry me?" He asked again.

"You know my answer: yes!" She nodded. Harry gave her another kiss helping her take off her mitten so he can put the ring on her finger. YN noticed his hands were shaking, it was definitely not from the cold weather. She was quick and jump and hug him tightly. She broke the hug to look at him, he was crying too.

"Awh, Harry!" She cooed wiping off his tears and pressing a tender kiss on his lips, then on his dimpled cheek.

"I'm sorry break this to you, but we have our friends here." Harry announced breaking their little moment.

There was Harry's friend Rob, who was with them yesterday as they explored around the town. And Helene. YN was surprised to see her there with her camera.

"Congratulations!" She exclaimed walking towards the couple.

"I was not going to let out engagement go undocumented in pictures and videos." Harry explained seeing a surprise and confused look on her face.

"Yeah, this was all last moment, I was in town for a little and Harry called requesting to take pictures of you two getting engaged. Said; he couldn't trust anyone else to take good pictures." Helene added to his explanation.

"Awh thank you!" YN hugged the girl as well.

"Of course darling, I am so happy for you two!" Helene said and even hugged Harry.

It was getting very cold, so their friends left. Helene promised to send them all the pictures she took of them both by morning. Harry had ordered warm drinks for both of them, coffee at midnight line she sang as Harry got the door to take their coffee cups.

"They're decaff." He told her.

"It still have caffeine in it." She said taking her cup from him warming her hands.

"Do you like the ring, Babe?" He enquired.

YN couldn't look at the ring that closely as everything happened very quickly, and both of them had to rush in as it was getting colder and supposed to get even more cold.

She looked at the ring, which definitely made it obvious, he got it custom made seeing how extra and vintage looking it was. It screamed Harry. A very every-day-wear ring it was, with a square diamond with a halo of smaller ones around it, both of their birth stones places in engraved space on the either side, on a plain white gold band wrapped around her finger perfectly. It looked expensive!

"I love it!" She cooed.

"Look on the inner side of the band." He said before sipping on his coffee.

YN took off the ring, a gasp left her mouth as she saw both of their first initials engraved on the band, the tiny crevices of the letters filled with gold metal which stood out against the white metal, she was already impressed by the birth stone details.

She put her ring back and straddled his lap hugging him tightly. He carefully kept the hot cup of his coffee on the side table, wrapped his own arms around her.

"You said you asked my dad, when did you do that?" She moved back to look at him.

"I might have stopped by when I was coming back from Tokyo." He explained, "I was terrified, but, your dad was super nice."

"Oh, that's why my mum was asking if I was sure about us, like for a week straight." YN shared, "she stopped as it was clearly making me frustrated."

"She cares about you a lot." He cooed.

"She does, a little too much." She agreed.

"So, should we get to planning the wedding?" He asked with a cheeky smirk.

"Why no— ahhhh!" She held onto him tightly as he got up without any warning holding onto her making his way to their bed. "What you exactly want to start planning?"

"The wedding night." He told her lying her down, supporting her head though the mattress was very comfy. "Or where do you want to go for honeymoon."

"God! Let us take our time with planning the wedding. My boss is ACTUALLY fire me this time." She said. Harry managed to fit in between her thighs.

"We'll worry about that later, now let's worry about checking out one thing of my bucket list." He peppered her face with small tender kisses, "shall we?"

"I don't... know.." she teases.

"We'll see." He challenged her.

.....................................

E N D N O T E :

I need a Harry in my life.

Also, I tried something new. This usually works in books with longer plots. It was a bit difficult to write the song parts there but I tried my best.

[mirakeul]

anghel sa impyerno [angel in hell]

notes ; hello ! this is one of my entries for @lumpiang-toge's piliin mo ang pilipinas collab which you will find here ! go check out the other authors who participated and enjoy the taste of our home country ! on a side note, i am very sorry for the delay... as you all may know (or not), my laptop's keyboard hasn't really been working and so i use an external one which i plug in, but these past few days, it doesn't really work that well and so i didn't have the means to write and edit. of course, it is a poor choice of mine to write and edit very close to the deadline but... yeah KJAHKJD n e ways i hope you enjoy this shit show ! [fic and title inspired by juan karlos' demonyo ; song lyrics and translation can be found here !]

words ; 1.20k

warnings ; cursing/cussing, doubts, the use of the word demon/s, brief mentions of bullying, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending ! :))

summary ; bakugou katsuki and y/n l/n, a match made in heaven or hell? more likely than you think. bakugou has feelings and y/n is adamant to make him feel her love.

pairing/s ; bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

taglist in the reblogs ! join my general taglist here ! <3 please do not plagiarize or copy unto another site, thank you!

bakugou katsuki always thought that he didn't deserve someone like you. someone that is the opposite of everything that he is. he was a man who knows his goals, one of that is being number one. he vowed never to engage in such distractions that would prevent him from surpassing everyone in his way.

but then you came along.

you with that stupid smile of yours that even he couldn't deny made everything a bit brighter. you with that attitude of yours, comparable to midoriya's, that he swore was too fucking much for him. you. just… you.

"katsuki!" you beckoned him over, a smile on your face. "are you alright? you seemed out for a second there."

"i'm fine." he gruffly said. "let's just f-- go."

he fell alongside your steps, hands in his pocket as you chewed his ear off with the things you were saying. there was a comfortable silence after you finished your story and it was something both of you have been used to. it was in these mere silences that you'd grown rather fond of the blonde, and him, likewise.

you smiled, waving your hand at him as he dropped you off your home. during the weekends, UA allowed students the option to stay at their parents', given the fact that their parents are with them. he huffed a goodbye, shrugging his shoulders, and then he was off.

that left you to your thoughts, wandering back to how your ex-friends asked you how you and bakugou got together. how he was the complete opposite of you. how your skeletons in your closet would have driven him away, how you were worse than he has ever imagined. granted, these so-called friends manipulated you all throughout middle school. but, still, it prompted a series of cloudiness and doubts in your head.

you didn't know how long you were out for it, but then a distant ringing pulled you out of your thoughts, looking through your bag to find your cellphone… bakugou was calling you. you swiped to answer, putting your phone beside your ears as you said hello.

a few minutes went past without him speaking so you were prompted to almost hang up but you heard him whisper. "katsuki, are you okay?"

he shuddered, heart beating too much. "i-i'm fine. i just needed to hear your voice."

alarms rang in your head as you tried your best to talk and placate your partner. your soothing voice was all he was hearing, ears focused as he tried to make out what you were saying. "it's okay, my love. i'm here, katsuki."

his mind buzzed with different scenarios, mostly with you looking at him with disgust or you bloodied by his own hands, dying in his arms. he can hear some ruffling on your end, the keys jingling which he assumed you used to lock up your home. "the fuck are you doing?"

"you need me there, i'm coming."

"fuck, no, don't--"

"katsuki," you said with a hard tone, not leaving room for arguments.

"fine." he muttered. he was slightly relieved you offered to come. with his parents still at work, being alone definitely amped his thoughts about your relationship.

you stayed on the phone with him, talking to him in soothing tones. it reminded him of all the times you reassured him that it was him that you love, and everything that he is. he knew you were too different from him, from the way you befriended everyone else but also to the way you always gave him the benefit of the doubt, no matter the situation.

you were an angel who descended into the depths of hell while he was a demon you undoubtedly saved with the way you are. you were a princess and as much as he wanted to think he was a prince in your story, he was merely a servant meant to guide you through. his goals didn't change, he will become number one, with you by his side that is.

"katsuki?" your voice was much more clearer making him assume that you were just outside the door he was leaning on. "i'm here."

he silently opened the door, leaning onto you as you engulfed him in a hug. he breathed in your familiar scent, desperately clinging on to the fact that you were there.

"do you want to talk about it?" you asked, despite already knowing how bakugou doesn't like talking about his "weaknesses" as he calls it.

"i don't understand why you still stay with me." he said, making you look at him.

"because i love you, katsuki."

"why?" he asked, his expression different from his usual angry demeanor. "after everything i've done, why? why, y/n? i don't fucking understand! why!"

"i just do, katsuki." you said, your mind going abuzz as you remembered your thoughts earlier. "besides, i don't understand why you would stay with me." putting a lot of emphasis on the word you, your voice slightly lowering after, seemingly ashamed.

"what?" he looked at you with disbelief.

"i know how you bullied midoriya when you were kids and when you were in middle school. i know about your temper and i know you didn't really like the way i kept bothering you when we were in first years."

bakugou remained silent.

"but the thing is, i'm someone you wouldn't want to associate with. i'm not the angel you basically make me out to be. i'm not."

...

"and i'm not saying these things to put the attention on me. but the thing is, we all have demons inside of us. i cannot change the past because i promised myself to be better and sometimes it's hard when people keep bringing up the very thing i want to let myself forgive and forget."

you held his hand, slightly gripping them as you looked down. "katsuki, you were one of the people who never thought of me any different. sure, we didn't exactly get along for the better part of highschool but you were you. and i love you because you believed in someone like me. i love you because you understand what it's like to have demons and you never let go, choosing to fight with me. i love you because you were better. you tried everything to be better."

"i love you, katsuki. demons or not, i'm here for you. every step of the way."

his hands gripped yours as he leaned into your touch. "you know i will always," he rolled his eyes, not used to showing any emotions. but with you, it was always so different. "i will always love you. you literally saved me from going too deep in hell, y'know?"

you laughed, wiping the tears from your eyes you didn't notice, not until now. "what, you literally make me an angel of some sorts?"

"my angel," he grins, leaning in to give your lips a chaste kiss.

"your guardian angel." you teased but bakugou was not having it, agreeing immediately.

"let me be yours too." he said, pulling you close as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

"you already are, katsuki." you smiled, nuzzling on his chest. "you already are."

ikaw ay anghel na napadpad sa impyerno ako ang demonyong gagabay sa iyo pabalik sa langit habang tayo ay paakyat ako'y napa-ibig sayo — demonyo ; juan karlos

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ DID YOU CANCEL YOUR PLANS FOR ME? ❜

❚❙ ANGEL REYES MASTERLIST.

✨ REQUEST by @rocketqueen: hey Aurora! first of all: i love your blog. I guess you know that by that point cause i’m always here, but i’d like to say it again just for you to be sure of the amazing blog you have. And I’d like to do a request from January. The prompt is number 15 “Do you cancel your plans for me?” (it’s the fluff prompt list) with Angel Reyes, please! Thank you 💘

Gif credit: to the awesome @angels-reyes.

WORDS: about 1k.

❚❙ A/N: first of all, thanks for requesting. You don't know how happy you make me every time I see you in my notifications and I'm glad that you enjoy my blog this much, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry it took me so long and I know this should be part of ‘January of Prompts’, but I decided to take it as another request due it has been impossible for me to write this challenge. Concretely, this work is the first I write for Mayans after two months of suffering a writer's block, so I hope with all my heart that you all really enjoy it. As always, thank you for all the support you show me every day.

❚❙ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ JOIN MY TAG LIST.

You haven't ever cared about your friends' opinion. You haven't ever cared about what they used to say about Angel, about his man-reputation, nor about the fearsome Mayans. You know him ever since, you know how he behaves, how he acts, his red flags, his unconscious tics when he is nervous or happy or hurt. You know him better than yourself. That's why you haven't cared either about your friend making you choose between them or he, thinking you would choose them. They were wrong. Unlike your inner circle, Angel has never said a single bad word about them. He has always protected you, taken care of you, given you the best advice, motivated you to continue studying Medicine, and helped you to chase your dreams.

Tonight you were supposed to spend it with your friends and family, but you know you wouldn't have any fun hearing all of them criticize each other under sarcasm and fake laughs. Stabbing their backs and pretending it's okay, it's something normal in society nowadays. And there you are, hands within your pockets, crossing the junkyard alley straight to the clubhouse. Soon, the latin music fills your surroundings starting to sound louder as you reach the epicenter of the party. The night Angel becomes a full member.

He didn't ask you to come, even if there wasn't he desired the most than being with you. He knew about your plans and he didn't have the right to put you into a corner. He said you could celebrate the next day. What Angel didn't know is you had your preferences clear and a decision was taken. With a smile from ear to ear, your gazes find the other. He's sitting close to the bonfire with his brothers and some of Vicki's girls trying to catch his attention, drinking and pretending he is having a good time. But the gesture on his face changes completely at the moment he realizes that you are really there. It's not a vision, it's not a dream, it's not alcohol intake.

Cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand after a sip from his beer, he leaves it on the ground standing up from his chair. Even if the talks continue around the two of you, you have earned every single pair of eyes there, following the new brand member walking towards you.

“Shouldn' yo—”.

“Maybe”. You interrupt him, shrugging your shoulders and stopping your feet some inches away from him.

“Did you… cancel your plans for me?” Angel asks, trying to hide a funny and triumphal smirk while tangling his hands on his abdomen.

“Maybe”. You repeat licking your incisors to gulp a giggle.

“Your family must be… very disappointed”.

“You are my family, Angel”.

The fleeting shine that crosses his black orbs gives you shivers. The way he has to lick and bite his bottom lip lets you know he is somewhat nervous after hearing it. You're more than aware that he has strong feelings for you. Real ones. You aren't a game for him. You aren't a possible one nightstand. Seeing you there, hearing you say those words get his heart racing at the edge of collapsing.

Angel doesn't hesitate to rest a hand on your cheek to place a warm kiss on the other. His lips are trembling, just like his fingers, and you can swear that it's the sweetest thing you have ever experienced. You can't help but close your eyes when you feel his mouth coming a little closer to yours with short and clumsy kisses, feeling the fear on him of you pushing him away in the last second. But you can't move.

When his lips find yours, fireworks explode inside your belly. The Big Bang happens around you. The time stop. His breathing gives you goosebumps and his tongue parting your lips to play with yours gives you shivers. You haven't ever felt this good, as if you had the world in your hands as if nothing were impossible. That's what Angel provokes in you. Sensations and emotions that you can't explain, but the kind of ones that made you and made him addicted to each other.

“Ain't nothing without you”. He whispers too slowly, dragging every syllable through his tongue, not being able to open his eyes yet. “You're the air tha' keeps me afloat”.

“Angel…”

“No, listen… I'd never do anything to hurt you, you know it, right? Despite… wha' people think, I can make it work. You and I. The club, a life together”. His lips brush yours so soft that it's making your legs tremble, having to tangle your fingers in his kutte. “I've always wanted you, I've always loved you even when I couldn't love myself, 'cause you have done it fo' me”.

“It will work, Angel. I know it. We'll make it work”. You cheer him up, feeling how the smile on his lips becomes a little bigger. “I adore you... You're a blessing to my life, mi angelito. I wouldn't rather be in another part of the world than by your side”.

As soon as his strong bare arms wrap your mid back while a purr escapes his throat, you break into giggles putting your hands on his nape. Angel embraces you as much tight as he can, practically melting into one figure for a couple of seconds. He's a true angel from heaven, but his hugs are warm like hell.

“Are you gonna show me your new patches, ah?” You are very curious and interested when he pulls himself away to hold your hands, noticing them on his flaps.

He nods his head with a proud grimace, pointing at them and the absence of the prospect one, before turning around to show you the bigger one. Mayans MC insignia. Colorful and clean. You can't help but trace it with your fingertips.

“You like it?”

“Pretty much. Looks good on you”.

“Everything looks good on me, baby”. Clicking his tongue and raising his eyebrows, Angel faces you again to start to walk backwards to his brothers.

You roll your eyes inevitably, letting him guide you to be greeted by his new family. A family you are now part of.

[lucientelrunya]

Like a lonely house pt 14

@gaiahenshin: Well, that's another case of 'Why not both?' So I made him both :) @nope4ever: Oh you mean the biblical kind that comes to smite? That's absolutely me XD @thesporkidentity: Oh yes :) I warned you I was going to hurt them @kholran: Doesn't matter how old he is, you can always cry about him!

Okay, most of this chapter is me trying to piece canon together so it somehow fits my story and hurting them some more on the way :)

When he wakes up again he finds himself on the floor of the bathroom, wrapped in a large and very fluffy bathrobe he doesn’t remember owning. Sunlight is spilling in through the window and warming his naked feet. He blinks against the brightness, curling up a little more and hiding his face against what he only now realizes is Ba Ye’s thigh, covered by yet another fluffy bathrobe. His body protests the movement and reminds him that he not only over-exercised, but also skipped too many meals and too many hours of sleep in the last two days. Which also reminds him how he ended up here in the first place. Or, mostly, because the last thing he actually remembers is holding on to Ba Ye. And pain.

Not the dull, easily ignorable ache of his muscles. A pain that lies far deeper and hurts so much more than any wound his body had ever sustained. The pain of holding onto something he was not meant to hold onto anymore. And the more he tried to hold onto it, the more it hurt. Ba Ye had said everything would be alright and he wants to believe that. But right now it’s still hard to believe. He still feels so raw and stripped, almost naked and it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he is naked beneath the bathrobe.

For so long his life had depended on keeping everything inside, on not letting anyone see how he really felt. On never losing control of himself as much as of everything around him. On carefully considering every word he said, because it might be used against him. The vultures were only waiting for that, to dig into every tiny crack they could find. And yesterday - yesterday had torn him wide open, all the pain and guilt and grief spilling out for everyone to see. But it had only been Ba Ye, who was as far from a vulture as anyone could be. Who had witnessed all the ugliness and hadn’t shied away from it, instead he had held him tight and told him it was okay.

In between all the confusion and hurt he still feels, remembering the way Ba Ye had just held him and stroked his hair elicits a strange feeling of safety. Like for once the tables are turned and Ba Ye would protect him. It’s so very new and strange, but not at all unpleasant. Still, he should definitely try to pull himself together. But not yet, he doesn’t yet want to get up, the tiles beneath him are warm, just like Ba Ye’s thigh. And he doesn’t want to leave this strange in-between place where he doesn’t have to have such a tight hold on everything. Even Ba Ye’s quiet snoring is strangely calming here.

Just at that moment Ba Ye jerks awake and his hand almost immediately settles on Zhang Rishan’s upper arm. “Oh, you’re already awake,” he slurs, voice still heavy with sleep and moves a little, probably to sit up straighter. “Are you feeling any better?” he immediately adds, before Zhang Rishan can say anything.

“Uh- yes,” Zhang Rishan mumbles a little awkwardly and he hopes that doesn’t mean that Ba Ye will get up now and leave. But he doesn’t seem to want to, just rubs calming circles onto Zhang Rishan’s arm with his thumb. The warmth of his touch somehow seeps through the fuzzy material of the bathrobe. “Good. That’s good. You scared me a little. Or a little more than a little. A lot. And don’t say you’re sorry, there’s no need.” Ba Ye really does know him quite well, because he had been about to say exactly that. So he just makes a contemplative noise.

"I'm the one who should apologize and I really am sorry, I never realized how much you were still hurting. I should have, you always loved Fo Ye so much,” Ba Ye continues and there is no uncertainty in his voice when he speaks about love. Zhang Rishan is not very fond of the word ‘love’ and all its implications, but Fo Ye had been his family, the person he would follow anywhere, the person he would always return to. Maybe he should allow himself to call that ‘love’, too, because the vastness of that term corresponds greatly with the vastness of his loss. And there are different types of love, he knows that, even if everybody automatically thinks of the romantic kind of love.

“And I know that love has to go somewhere, it doesn’t just vanish after someone you love dies. Just look at me, I loved him, too. He was my closest friend. He was my family just as much as yours. And my love for him turned into anger just yesterday. But no matter how angry I was, I should have never accused you of lying, that was unfair of me,” Ba Ye continues and he sounds ashamed. Which is not something Zhang Rishan likes, because even if he hadn’t outright lied, a lie of omission was still considered a lie, wasn’t it? And so he says, “I did lie,” very quietly. It’s strange to talk like this and he could turn onto his back, at least, to look at Ba Ye while they are talking if he doesn’t want to sit up. But he still has that strange feeling that he cannot bear to be looked at for the moment, so he stays curled up on his side. Ba Ye doesn’t seem to mind, though.

“Well, omitting things I did not ask about and you did not want to talk about is not really lying, is it?” The question is clearly rhetorical because he doesn’t even wait for an answer. “At least not to me. And I understand why you never said anything. I know that everybody grieves differently, but keeping all of this pain inside you is not something that is healthy. If I had known, we could have missed him together. We still can, if you want to.” The offer is tempting in a way, because he trusts Ba Ye and he also trusts that Ba Ye knows far better what to do in matters that concern the heart. Love and grief, like other intense emotions, are not the kind of thing Zhang Rishan is very good at. But he still remembers how good it had felt to share a memory of Fo Ye in that little inn or together with Liang Wan. It doesn’t always have to hurt.

Ba Ye’s fingers keep rubbing little circles into Zhang Rishan’s arm and he very patiently waits for an answer. And Zhang Rishan wonders if he can really do that. Just - share. All of it. Just upturn the whole box of memories he had tried to bury deep inside. He wants to try. Because even if he still hurts right now, it’s not the hurt of a wound festering unseen beneath his skin, but the pain of a freshly cleaned wound starting to heal. “Do you want me to tell you everything?” he asks quietly and Ba Ye inhales a little sharper than before. “I - Yes. Yes I want you to tell me as much as you want to tell me,” he answers, but his voice is just a little unsteady, like he already knows he is not going to like everything he is going to hear.

And he won’t. Zhang Rishan had already told him how Fo Ye had looked for him for a long time. He had not told Ba Ye how Fo Ye had deteriorated during those years. How he slowly but seriously became obsessed with finding the ultimate secret. How he started to despise Zhang Qiling. Not Wu Xie’s Zhang Qiling, but the patriarch who allowed children to be used and killed for their qilin blood. The patriarch who exiled Fo Ye’s father for loving and marrying a non-Zhang woman. The patriarch who was responsible for the death of Fo Ye’s family.

Zhang Rishan knows now that that had already been the people of the Wang clan whispering in Fo Ye’s ear, using that hate to manipulate him to do their dirty work like they always did. That they had already permeated everything, that people they had thought were their friends, allies, family were already working for the Wangs. And also that Wu Xie’s Zhang Qiling had just been as much of a victim of all this as every other child with qilin blood. The Wang clan knew this, but Fo Ye did not. And they used that knowledge to their advantage, like they always did.

Knowing this now makes it just a tiny bit easier to tell Ba Ye how far Fo Ye had been driven by those people, that he at some point even started to doubt Zhang Rishan’s loyalty. There had been some very hurtful words he decidedly does not want to remember and it had ended with a knife pressed against his throat. And Zhang Rishan would have allowed Fo Ye to cut him down then and there before raising a hand against him. It had convinced Fo Ye to let him in on the secret he had discovered, of the invisible tenth family working in the shadows against all of them. Fo Ye and Xie Jiuye had devised a plan to save as many people as possible, but so many people still had to die because they had learned about the Wang clan’s existence. Sacrifice some, so not all of the Jiumen would be eradicated.

All of this followed by the Zhang Qiling project and the ‘greatest tomb robbery in history’ that ended in even more death and the next step of their great plan: The power struggle to kill off more spies. And the point where Zhang Rishan had to fake his death and assist Xie Jiuye for the following years, teaching him and his people the art of voice transformation, face masks and bone shrinking for those who were still young enough to master it. All of which were special Zhang skills. That had been the part of the plan Fo Ye had intended for him, helping from the shadows and staying safe that way.

Before he had to leave him, Fo Ye had told him that someone had to be the one everyone could hate, the one everyone could blame so the whole plan could work. He had given him the bracelet. At that time Zhang Rishan had thought it was the hardest thing he would ever have to do, to leave Fo Ye all alone so shortly after Yin Xinyue's death (and he doesn’t know for sure, but that might have been the Wang clan, too). To not even be allowed to visit him. To not be able to protect him like he had always done. To know Fo Ye risked his life by working so closely with their enemies while Zhang Rishan just hid in the shadows.

He doesn’t say how much he hated the Wang clan for all of it and Ba Ye just listens attentively, not asking any questions. It’s not exactly easy to put all of it into words, and he has to pause frequently, when his voice just cracks or his breath hitches on painful details. But he doesn’t stop, he doesn’t think he could stop now, even if he wanted to. The box is opened and everything is spilling out and he needs to put all of it into words Ba Ye can understand. He is actually surprised that he manages to put most of it into the right order.

When Fo Ye had ended up in that veterans home in his last years and the Wangs lost their interest in him because he was not useful for them anymore Zhang Rishan had at least been allowed to occasionally visit him. Not as much as he would have liked, but it had been something. Xie Jiuye had already been dead at that point and Zhang Rishan had no other useful purpose in his plan. Xie Lianhuan did not know who he really was and Zhang Rishan did not know about his part in the plan, just like Xie Jiuye intended. Everyone only knew as much as they needed to know.

And finally the truly hard part, the part where Fo Ye actually died. Like he had waited for Zhang Rishan one last time, to say his goodbyes. In that horrible little room where no else ever came to visit him. How, when they came to take Fo Ye’s body away, he had to tell a complete stranger how sad it was that the poor old man didn’t have anyone left and so he had stayed with him until he died. A kindness for a stranger. All of it without shattering to pieces right then and there.

"It feels like I lost him not once but three times. The first time, when he revealed that plan to me and made me fake my death, and I had to stay with Xie Jiuye. When I was not allowed to be at his side any more. The second time when he actually died and the third time yesterday, when I remembered it," he says very quietly, his voice already rough from talking so much. Ba Ye’s hand squeezes his arm reassuringly, and Zhang Rishan takes a shaky breath. There is still so much pain and sadness, but no more tears.

But judging by the way Ba Ye’s voice shakes when he inhales he might be crying. For the first time since he started talking Zhang Rishan turns his head slightly to peek at Ba Ye out of the corner of his eye, only to find him smiling softly with tear stained, splotchy red cheeks, wiping at them with his free hand. “It’s okay, please continue,” he says and Zhang Rishan just nods slightly and turns away again. It is easier doing this while they are not looking at each other, because the things left to tell are some ugly truths about himself.

After Fo Ye’s death it had been him that almost went off the rails. Fo Ye didn’t get a proper funeral, because he officially had no family to organize that for him and he had arranged for his body to be taken to Warehouse 11, where Yin Xinyue’s coffin already waited. Zhang Rishan couldn’t officially do any of the proper rites, just burn joss sticks at a temple for him. In his will Fo Ye had left everything he owned to Zhang Rishan, even the leadership of the Zhang Clan and thus what was left of the Jiumen.

And those people had thought they could take what they wanted because officially Zhang Rishan was dead. That was the point where he almost ruined all those careful plans, by revealing himself. But, looking back he can say stepping up as the leader of the Jiumen and Fo Ye's successor had in fact been partly suicidal of him. Fo Ye had hidden him so well from the Wang, had made him fake his death not only to help Xie Jiuye but also to keep him away from the Wang’s influence and out of their sight.

Becoming President Zhang painted a target on his back and he welcomed that. Let them come for him and try to kill him, he had nothing left to lose anyway. Nothing but his promise to Fo Ye that he would play the role he had intended for him and would help and protect these people that did not deserve such a kindness at all. That were weak and lazy, scheming little idiots who wanted things without being willing to work for them. That tried to deceive and trick him at every opportunity to get more power for themselves.

Talking about it he realizes that he had become a different person to deal with all of that. At that point he was no longer Zhang Rishan, he had made himself into ‘President Zhang’ who wielded all that power with ease and never showed any weakness or how he truly felt about any of those things. And that hadn’t been easy. He had never been a leader like Fo Ye, had never wanted to be one. He had never wanted all that power and all that responsibility. All he ever wanted had been to follow Fo Ye, to be a simple soldier. But it had been what Fo Ye needed him to do. So he had locked away every fond memory of him and of his past, so he couldn’t shatter to pieces just like his world had by losing Fo Ye.

All the time with Xie Jiuye he had worn a mask and had pretended to be someone else, while underneath he could still be Fo Ye’s Lieutenant, following his orders, because that was what he had been doing. Becoming ‘President Zhang’ meant there was no physical mask any more, but that he had actually made his own face into a mask and pretended to be someone else.

No one openly went against him, all of their scheming was always hidden behind pleasant smiles and presents. But presents from any of them were never presents, they were tests with teeth and claws and poison. They didn’t question why he faked his death, at least not to his face, although he was aware of the rumors. And he still waited for the Wang spies to reveal themselves. Until Wu Xie came to him with his grand plan of bringing them down. Zhang Rishan didn’t know if it was all part of Fo Ye and Xie Jiuye’s original plan, but he agreed without questioning any of it. Even a plan as crazy as Wu Xie’s was better than none.

Of course the remaining members of the Jiumen found out about Wu Xie going to Gutong Jing and even Yin Nanfeng joined their quest for the undiscovered riches they suspected to be buried there. Those that died in Gutong Jing deserved the end they got there, even if they made him break that last promise to Fo Ye. Zhang Rishan could have tried harder to save them, but he did not care enough to try. Those people were not worthy of being the successors of the Old Nine Gates, the people who came together to defend their home against the Japanese, who were smart and capable and trusted each other. Good riddance. He saved those that were still capable of trusting someone.

“I think I know the rest. Wu Xie told me about the whole thing with Li Cu and the Wang compound,” Ba Ye interrupts him softly and he is glad that he can stop there. His throat feels rough from talking so much and the headache that had been there since he woke up is actually starting to bother him. “I am so sorry, I wish I could have been there for you,” Ba Ye says, even more softly and squeezes his arm again.

"I don't even know if I deserve that. Fo Ye could have used your comfort just as much, probably more, but I practically denied him that opportunity by having you ripped out of your time." And he can't help it, with all the other ugly truths he had already told today it just spills out. Ba Ye makes a strange, but clearly pained sound, his grip on Zhang Rishan’s arm growing tighter.

"Oh, my dearest Lieutenant, do you really think he would have allowed that? If he sent you away to keep you safe, he would never have allowed me to stay. And you know him, he would have found a way to keep me away. I am not as obedient as you and I don't want to think how he would have made me hate him to make me leave. You just told me how Er Ye turned his back on him. As much as I'd like to think nothing could ruin my friendship with Fo Ye, we both know that's not true. And we were spared that pain at least. When I think of him now I miss the friend I once held so dear and not the person he made everyone think he had turned into. The person Wu Xie described to me.”

His voice is very strained, even if the words are clearly meant to be comforting. And - they are true, Fo Ye would have wanted to keep Ba Ye safe from all that madness, he would have driven him away just like Er Ye and probably Wu Ye, too. Why had that never occurred to him? It does not erase his responsibility in the whole thing, not even remotely, it's still his fault that Ba Ye is here in the first place, but it opens up a whole new perspective of all of this. Maybe he just caused both of them a different kind of loss than the one they would have suffered anyway? Because Ba Ye’s safety had always been so important to Fo Ye, he was the one who could not protect himself, who depended on other people to keep him safe. But the memory of what the Tu Shi toxin had made him see superimposes itself onto that little shred of hope, reminding him that Fo Ye told him he had failed at exactly that. “He said I failed you,” he whispers and he had absolutely not meant to voice that. But it’s like a bleeding wound, he cannot stop the flow of words just like he cannot stop the flow of blood without the proper tools. Of which he has none.

“Who?” Ba Ye asks, clearly confused and of course he would be, Zhang Rishan hasn’t said a word about that, about what happened with the Chens. “Fo Ye,” he answers, but that’s not true, is it? That was all in his head, that was just what the toxin had made him see. Ba Ye is quiet for a long moment and Zhang Rishan is too tangled up in his own thoughts to surmise why or come up with the right words to explain further.

“What? When - Why would he say that?” Ba Ye asks, definitely confused and stumbling over the words. “Because that’s what I was scared to hear him say, I think. To have so utterly disappointed him again, first by not keeping the secrets of Gutong Jing and then by failing his most important order, keeping you safe. I think they make you face your worst fear, in a way. But I don’t get why I didn’t die. The others, they dug their faces into the ground until they suffocated themselves, but I kept waking up.” He should ask Luo Que what he had seen, sometime. “They? Are - are you talking about the Chens?” Ba Ye sounds completely confused now, but also worried and Zhang Rishan remembers that he doesn’t even know what happened yesterday.

“Kind of. About the Tu Shi,” he answers and Ba Ye sucks in a breath. “Those again! What happened?” Now he definitely sounds worried and Zhang Rishan tries to get some semblance of order into his thoughts. He’s not quite sure he succeeds. “I’m not sure, to be honest. When we arrived there was already chaos and then the whole ancestral tree exploded and the toxin was everywhere. I don’t know why I keep waking up. But I woke up again and we managed to get the people that survived away from there. More than twenty people were killed by the explosion directly or indirectly. We did what we could to help and then we left them to care for their wounded.”

Ba Ye makes a strange sound at that. “So you hallucinated that Fo Ye told you you failed to keep me safe? Because that is the thing you are most scared of?” he summarizes. And Zhang Rishan doesn’t know if that is how those toxins work, it’s only a theory. But it’s definitely very high up on the list of his fears. Disappointing Fo Ye and failing to keep Ba Ye safe. So he just hums his confirmation. “And then? How do you wake up?” And isn’t that the question he would like the answers to himself. “I don’t know. He shoots me and I wake up. I don’t know why.” Ba Ye makes another strange sound and it sounds awful, like a frightened, dying little animal.

“Rishan," and the way he says his name makes it sound like he really is in pain. "I need - can I - hold you? Please let me hold you,” he pleads very quietly, and that undertone of pain is still in his voice while his fingers dig into Zhang Rishan’s arm. And since when does Ba Ye ask for permission to hug him? Because he needs him to get up for that?

For a moment he isn’t sure what to do or if he even wants to sit up and turn towards Ba Ye. But ultimately he wouldn’t mind being held for a while, it always feels good when Ba Ye does that and he could still hide his face against Ba Ye’s shoulder and wouldn’t have to face him. So he hums quietly in confirmation before he lets go of the bracelet around his wrist (had he held onto it the whole time? He doesn’t even remember reaching for it). Sitting up slowly because his body is still sore, he keeps his eyes low and turns around towards Ba Ye.

Ba Ye has obviously not bothered to tie the bathrobe he is wearing properly and it has fallen open slightly to reveal a V of his chest down to his navel. Beneath it he is only wearing pajama pants. And the silver chain with Fo Ye’s rings. So he really is wearing them. Seeing those again is no longer the emotional equivalent of getting punched right into his sternum, taking his breath away and making him want to curl in on himself to avoid any more pain. Where he has tried to avoid looking at them before, to push that memory away with all his might, he now can’t tear his eyes away from them.

When he doesn’t move any further Ba Ye gives him another moment before he pulls him into his arms carefully, slowly, as if afraid any fast movement might shy him away again. But Zhang Rishan just lets himself sink against Ba Ye’s side, leaning his head against Ba Ye’s shoulder and wrapping his own arms around him. It’s almost a little too tight, the way Ba Ye’s arms curl around his waist and shoulder, pressing him close, like he wants to physically pull all the broken pieces back together. Zhang Rishan doesn’t mind at all. It feels strangely safe. And warm. Why is Ba Ye always so warm?

“I need you to know that you never failed at keeping me safe. Never, okay? Just look at me, could I be any safer than here? That’s why I worried you would want to shield me from a truth like this, too. From how everything turned out during all those years. And I’m so sorry, I’m so terribly sorry.” Ba Ye rests his cheek against Zhang Rishan’s head again and breathes shakily into his hair, like he is about to cry again.

“You are the last person I wanted to hurt,” he adds after a moment, so very quietly that it’s almost inaudible. It’s not surprising and Zhang Rishan had at no point assumed that it had been Ba Ye’s intention. “I know,” he replies just as softly and Ba Ye sighs so deeply, like it’s an absolution he needed to hear.

More time passes just like that and Zhang Rishan can’t really say how much time had already passed while he talked but it must have been at least a few hours, judging by how far the patch of sunlight has wandered on the tiles. He wants to fall asleep like this, to sleep off the headache and the soreness and the pain, while Ba Ye holds him together so he can maybe sleep off the memories, too. And he does, for a while at least. Ba Ye doesn’t seem to mind, just keeps his hold on him.

It lasts until the sound of the doorbell starts them both. “Just ignore it,” Ba Ye pleads softly, tightening his hold again. That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, Zhang Rishan has no idea who is at the door anyway and he is definitely not in a state to deal with anyone. But the person at the door is insistent when no one opens and keeps ringing again and again until Ba Ye actually groans in frustration. “Okay, fine, I’ll go get rid of whoever that is.”

It’s only logical, but Zhang Rishan is still sorry to let go of him and his warmth and watches him leave the room, tying the bathrobe properly on his way out. He leaves the door open so Zhang Rishan can hear who is at the door. It’s Liang Wan who instantly goes off on him for standing her up in such a frantic and angry way that Zhang Rishan knows she was worried sick.

“Do you have any idea how worried I was?! I waited for you for two hours! You didn’t text and you wouldn’t pick up when I called! And I haven’t heard anything from Rishan since two days ago! He didn’t answer any texts either and my calls went straight to voicemail! What do you expect me to think happened?!” He hears her yelling, loud enough to understand every word. And it’s true, he hadn’t really looked at his phone since he went to the Chens, he doesn’t even know where it is. The battery is probably dead by now.

Tuning the argument out he looks for his phone anyway. There is a pile of clothes lying in a puddle of water in the bathtub and just as he thought it’s both their clothes from the day before, still soaking wet. His phone is not there or anywhere in the bathroom, so he gets up carefully, because he already anticipates the slight nausea. He really should drink something. And he still doesn’t feel like facing anybody, not even Liang Wan, not when he can’t be sure what might slip out of him that he had not meant to say. But judging by the tone of their argument she won’t calm down anytime soon and it’s probably better to just get it over with.

When he exits the bathroom slowly she catches sight of him and immediately stops yelling at Ba Ye. “Rishan!” She sounds and looks shocked and even more worried than before and comes over in a few quick steps, hugging him fiercely. “I was so worried! What happened?” The way she hugs him should feel the same as when Ba Ye just hugged him, it’s all about arms and pressure and warmth. But it’s different, it’s not as warm, it doesn’t make him feel as safe.

She breaks the hug before he can even start to think about why that may be and grabs his arms to study his face. “You look horrible! Did the hallucinations get worse again?” Behind her he can see Ba Ye flinch at her words and he immediately feels the need to say ‘I’m fine’, to reassure both of them, but he really isn’t and he knows that’s glaringly obvious to both of them. Even if he avoided looking at himself in the mirror.

“No, it’s not the hallucinations, don’t worry.” Not the ones she knows of, at least, and he is glad he manages to not say those words. “I would have told you if they got worse again. It was just Jiumen-business with the Chens. I’ll be fine. I just need to catch up on sleep and a good meal and I’ll be fine.” She doesn’t look wholly convinced, and he can't blame her because he doesn't sound good either, his voice even rougher than before. He really needs to drink something to soothe his throat. Liang Wan glances back at Ba Ye who is also pale and doesn’t really look fine either and in the harsh artificial hallway light it’s clearly visible how red-rimmed his eyes still are and how red and splotchy his cheeks, even if he tries to hide it by looking down.

Frowning worriedly she tugs Zhang Rishan over to the table, grabbing Ba Ye's arm on the way to tug him along too. Then she gets hot water from the kitchen, serving them as if she is a waitress in a restaurant. Zhang Rishan downs the glass in one go, and immediately refills it while she watches them with furrowed brows. "Okay, I'm not gonna ask what happened, I’m just glad to know you are still alive and in one piece. I’ll go, but I'd like to make you something to eat before I leave, if that is alright?" Ba Ye is staring into his glass without saying anything, but Zhang Rishan actually appreciates the offer. It's a sign of her worry because he knows she hates cooking most of the time (she had once joked that she became a doctor because she liked to cut people far more than she liked to cut vegetables).

"That would be nice, thank you," he says and his voice is still rough, even after drinking something, which obviously doesn't ease her worry. But she just gets up again and starts rummaging in the kitchen, humming softly to herself. Zhang Rishan watches her for a moment, as long as it takes him to down and refill two more glasses of water. It eases the headache and the nausea at least a little. And he isn’t really hungry, quite the opposite, but he knows he should eat something and that he’ll feel better then, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

Ba Ye is still just sitting there, almost curling around his glass, shoulders hunched and staring into the water as if it could tell him something if he just stares hard enough. His nails scrape over the surface in a slow, absentmindedly way, like he doesn’t even realize he is doing it. It’s not helping his headache so he carefully pries at least the hand closest to him away from the glass. Ba Ye flinches, like he hasn’t expected being touched or expected something else and his hand immediately grips Zhang Rishan’s tightly. He doesn’t look up but he finally drinks something, the hand holding the glass shaking just slightly.

None of them say anything, the only sound coming from Liang Wan humming and stirring something on the stove. It doesn’t take her that long, until she turns around with two steaming bowls. She puts them down in front of them, a soft, worried expression on her face, like she wants to ask ‘Will you be alright?’. Zhang Rishan nods just slightly and it seems to be enough for her to nod back and leave, squeezing his shoulder when she passes him. She doesn’t say anything, the door clicking shut behind her.

It’s a very simple noodle soup, but it smells good and now he actually wants to eat, the nice smell reminding his body of the lack of proper food in the last two days. When he tries to tuck his hand away from Ba Ye his hold tightens, like an instinct, before he visibly forces himself to let go. “Eat,” Zhang Rishan prompts him after another moment of silent staring and takes his own chopsticks to start.

It takes Ba Ye another long moment of staring at the bowl of food like it might bite him and Zhang Rishan is just about ready to prompt him again, when he suddenly grabs the bowl and starts stuffing his mouth full with noodles like he hasn’t eaten something in weeks, fresh tears on his cheeks. They are obviously both absolutely not fine right now, but he still really wants to believe what Ba Ye said, that everything would be alright. Even if Ba Ye might not believe that himself right now.