#just got in a fucking mood i guess
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Written for KouAo week 2024 Day 1: Crossdressing Koujaku wears a new outfit to tempt his boyfriend. Will likely remain a oneshot due to time constraints.
i miss contributing to the DMMD fandom here you go lovelies
#kouaoweek2024#nsfwkouaoweek2024#dmmd#dramatical murder#kouao#koujaku#aoba#aoba seragaki#personal#dude i dunno WHAT came over me but ive literally been writing for 6 hours#after struggling to write for months#like i got most of the way through the other thing i should have been working on instead of this. cough cough#and i was like yknow what lets bang out some dmmd fanfiction#just got in a fucking mood i guess#i forgot how much i like writing like this im having so much fun!!!#i gotta take the pressure off myself and just have fun with it lmao#its still the 18th where i am so this counts for day 1 lmao#nsft
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this is probably one of the most wonderful videos ive made using capcut
★ feat : @chamom1le-t3a . @thecultoflove nd @jumjum-crafts 's tonys
#FOR THE RECORD. hv tony does not know what the act colloquially known as “throwing it back” means#alright . great ? great.#i got one of those super bad mood swings that make me want to fuck shit up last night and i tried to make something to distract myself#yes i started making this at midnight . im sorry that it looks kind of rushed#and im sorry if none of my wonderful friends wanted to be included in this – you can tell me to delete it and i will no problem#though frankly you could even ask me to stab myself and tbh id do it#I HAVE PROBLEMS BUT THATZ OKAY !!!!!#i remembered my colin crossover posts and i thought “why not do one for my FAVORITE LITTLE GUY !!!!”#thought it worked because tony already has a connection to fish in the dhmis cannon or smth#anyway . my favourite tonys !!! all in one place !!! wowow !!!#okay well i guess im gonna go now#please stay safe . drink water . bye-bye#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#capcut#suggestive audio#sort of ? i just want to cover my bases :3
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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I hate getting excited about something and accidentally sharing it with someone when they're in the wrong mood to hear it. Makes me feel like a dog trying to play with their human in an antidepressant commercial and ruins my entire mood
#and it's not like they don't care they're just in an off mood and don't match the energy you give and it's just so#deflating and uncomfortable sgjdhkdhk#like ''isn't that so cool????'' ''yeah.''#makes me wanna die#and then it's like well now I can't tell them again and I just wasted sharing that with them AND I feel shitty about it#guess I'll just fuck off this plane of existence#unfortunately it happens to me too often because people in my life are just busier than me and I don't hold it against them#but it still feels bad man!!#I'm also just feeling fragile cause I've been isolated lately and don't have a lot going on so the things I do have to share#aren't like. things people generally view as very important I don't have shit going on right now#I've just been feeling lately like everyone's got Important Life Stuff tm going on and are often not as present with me because they're Busy#again I'm fragile rn so it's probably not as bad as it feels like it is#I'm just sad lol
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#feeling very hopeless about the future tonight...#regarding my dysphoria and my transition that very likely will never happen#and just overall feeling very jealous of tras dudes on t or recovering from top surgery#just feeling pathetic today nothing new but i wasn't expecting it honestly#i would love to get herapy this year if possible to help me not feel so hopeless#but before i do that i have to get proper and regular well paying work so that i can even afford therapy#and that's a whole other thing...#it's just a never ending and never even starting cycle my life is#like to do one thing i have to do another first and before that can happen i have to do something else#and it keeps going so i can never start#idk how#idk where to start#it seems like i'm always missing something to be able to#and it's so frustrating and just hopeless you know?#i just want to solve ONE thing at least#but i feel like everything is out of my control#out of my hands#and i just don't know what to do#I don't even know if i CAN do anything about it#...#we'll i'm kind of spiraling now so i'm gonna go to bed#i just got caught by surprise with this dark mood#i guess it's the 1am blues#who the fuck knows#angel talks#personal
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#oh the devastating mood swings of being an academic#6pm ah I have my shit together time to go to my optional last workshop#(realizes in class how lowkey fucked I am)#10pm I'm so fucking fucked#1am hey I've got my shit together maybe I can go to bed before three#2am just crying inexplicably so I guess it's time to stop working and go to bed?
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trying to psych myself up to finally do oc refs by doing fandom-related refs instead: volume 1
wanted to update my yuma from whatever tf this au is so he was a bit more unique... takes inspo from a lot of different things while also trying to be its own sorta thing? which is fitting given the au ;)
bonus chibi now that i'm also figuring out how tf to do chibis lol:
#my art lol#synth v yuma#yuma synthv#synth v#synthv fanart#synthesizer v#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#YES I KNOW ITS DIFFERENT but at this rate its the umbrella tag. all vsynth shit goes under there just like on main 😔#sorry for the annoyign watermarks i just dont want this to get stolennn/traced it'll b my joker arc. is2g#like thats never happened to me before as far as i know but now that my art is getting 'better' i begin to get scared that it will happen#if my fanart got stolen i'd def sting a little yeah but not hurt AS bad as if someone stole my original shit. THAT would hurt#one of many reasons why i post less personal oc stuffs. although as mentioned above i AM in an oc mood so i wanna draw em maybe...#and stuff like this is a step to develop a PROPER FUCKING REF STYLE bc i SUCKKKK AT MAKING REFS LOL 😭 BUT I SHOULD GIT GUD#i have a few other refs planned for vocaloid au (i guess???) related shit but they're not done yet. this one was also a wip that i just??#impulsively decided to redo & finish bc i wanted to draw but nothing else i was trying to draw came out right. advantages of many wips#i have SOOO many things i could say abt some of the things that went into this redesign but i dont wanna come off as pretentious 😔💔#obviously it was primarily inspired by the vimalion yuma design but. there's moreeee that i can't explain here bc tag limits and im shy#i do think i want to try and be more intentional with my character designs now so i'm seeing how that goes as i redesign some old ocs#man though this kind of stuff makes me remember i used to LOVEE doing this stuff. and now its even crazierr given art improvement#uaurhghh my head is buzzing w/. so many thoughts. THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS I GET SO MANY IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY GFD#this is actually from today though unlike some other things i might eventually post. that'll make more sense soon#and fuckkk i forgot the chain necklace thing on the chibi yeah but i couldnt get it to look good. whatever
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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physically restraining myself ffrom drawing more,,,,,,,,,,,,
#i want to so bad#but i need to at least take a break n eat....#my plan of just swtching 2 my left hand doenst work so good.... cus the lefty got rusty Fast#OH SHIT#just realised the last2 posts r legit the first non left hand art ive posted 2 this account Ever i think???#(i reblogged the few non lefty posts from the ask blog but that wasnt Posted here so doesnt count)#damn wtf#thast fucked up#looking at my art tag im already like#how the fuck did i do that?#gonna eat now n if im still in a drawing mood after i might post the drawpile link if anyone wants to join me? :3c#gonna try n swicth 2 my left tho..... cus..... i.. am... responsible.....................#rambles#edit: not gonna do that.. its late ish n i shoudl like.............slee p i guess... i am tired so....#but very much do wanna do a drawpile or something sometime >:3c
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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope
#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad#but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to#its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j#like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal#but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip#(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA#ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people#LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny#like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood#without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now#for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why#like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ#you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially#whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not#ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing#but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u#i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#malistaire drake
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i read the hunger games books multiple times over as a kid, and i didnt like katniss' ending at first, bc my hyperlexic ass could read the words long before i could REALLY Comprehend the concepts, but as soon as i got a firm understanding of aromanticism and trauma and and etcetc... i like it a lot now
#^bro had the most subtleeeee learning delay !!!!#it kind of disturbs me because like. i just. didnt have a teacher that really helped me UNDERSTAND stuff like themes? i was shy#and i was REALLY good at guessing on questions like theme and mood based on what the teacher said#but i didnt. GET them i usually got half points or missed those questions or wasnt detailed enough#same thing with character motivation#unless i was intimately familiar with the story#and even then stuff like hs and su and mp100... it took multiple times over and also participation in fan discussion to Get what was happen#idk what happened or why it clicked#it was like. slowly thru junior year and into senior i had 2 great teachers in a row#the texts we read were interesting and were about things i could identify as giving a shit about from a fairly surface level#i dont know what made it click..#which is what makes me think its hyperlexia#it was really like an epiphany? or a set of epiphanies#but i could read a LOT of words really fucking fast#i was reading on my own when i was 4#which apparently isnt normal#and they said i read at a 7th grade level when i was in 3rd grade#and by the time i was in 7th grade i was reading at a college level#which! at my school was pretty much just based on knowing vocab!!!!#and damn did i know vocab. i just couldnt.. see.. the bigger picture....... Um. *gulps in missed autism diagnosis*#just connected that thats a manifestation of focusing on the details..#but yeah its weird#i was always pretty sure i didnt have any major developmental delays#just trouble communicating and socializing etcetc sensory issues whatever#im p sure i hit all my milestones on time or early as a bebe#except that... also i was (am...) a wanderer. i got the cops called on me by my family cause i wandered to a neighbors house (there were#kids a little older than me there and i had an older neighbor friend from another house so i thought it was chill. plus they had video game#and i lived w old people so i didnt get any games until i was 7 (dsi))#im pretty sure they wouldnt have called the cops if it was a white family -_- they would refer to them as Them Patels -_-#but regardless i was pulling the irish goodbye before i shouldve LOL
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my therapist asking if i'd tried anything other than meds drugs and/or alcohol to sleep before. like bruh. the list is long. the nighttime ritual i had as a child worked most of the time but since then nothing really has been that effective. also probably because i haven't been able to form any routine on my own without outside reinforcement. ever. much less one that works in the long term. :smiles beautifully:
#like so far lamotritine + lithium is working but the restlessness and inability to find structure in anything is nailing me in the nuts#i guess i still got depressed and angry so i lapsed in meds and cycled back to hypomania#and now my sleep cycle is starting to get harder to do (?) weird to conceptualize that as something i even NEED to do much less WANT to lol#i am this close to asking for presc sleep meds but i wanna try getting amphetamines first to see if it helps me with daily tasks...........#he thinks i was depressed last monrh but i didnt see it!!! it wasnt nearly as bad as its been sooooo. idk also antidepressents scare me.sigh#i would love to make a list right now.#404 not found#I SPELLED LAMOTRIGINE WRONG. you get me you get my point. it's just a word. it's too long anyway#i wasn't over sleeping no diet changes and no mental slowdown just the typical thought issues and normal mood fluctuations.#<- which i guess is still too fucking much for normal ppl lmfao. jfc.#but i kind of know i'm in A State of Something right now#cause a friend came over and i word saladed everywhere and i'm not sleeping well am studying 3 different subjects playing two video games#binge watched 5 tv shows (oops) and cooked a bunch yesterday even though i've mainly just been drinking water and tea :)))))))#oh AND i overcommitted. and haven't been out of the house in a week. and am just now starting to communicate again.#<- that wasn't just a Wall of Ideas.#hmn think of me fondly tomorrow i will be Driving and staying overnight somewhere#which. driving shouldn't be too hard if i'm dosed LMAO#but yes first friend sleep over since julyyyy yikes let's hope we're still friends and not triggered by the end of it fucking hellllllll#*don't be a bitch don't be a bitch don't be a bitch don't be a bitch*#<- my mantra#omg i wanna code.#I've been on mobile for a while i forgot iff my tags look good on there
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hey but what if like the mage-templar war never reached the anderfels. what if by veilguard hossberg circle is still there and thriving
(lowkey a lore request does anyone know the sitch)
#now i just need to think of how avery hasnt gone and Meddled with it directly.#guess 'step one veil step two hossberg'#then again avery also fighting 'the paat' (as of history doesn't repeat itself lol) and solas doing the same feels right... hmm..#personal log#also. i really want to go 'The Debaterrr' route esp now that ive added more companions#but still haven't decided how imshael stands on veilfall. being Choice and all.#where im going with this: at the final confrontation.... i think the Meddle Boys might have to take the window (escape)#but then it's like ok how does solas get his mythal catharsis. for good or ill i think he needs that#UGHghbtph#i feel like i got two puzzles with the same cut#avery you are breaking veilguard you wild son of a gun#OHHH OH OH OH OH !!! OH FUCK YES OKAY. HANG ON#i've been thinking of avery fucking begging morrigan to teach him how to polymorph#(they have a rough start but end up buddies. once avery got over his ego and morrigan got over 'oh god it's alistair again')#anyway. avery has been Studying Assan.#'cmon baby let's blow this town' (turns into a griffon and solas hops on)#IT'S SO CHEESY IT'S SO DRAMATIC I THINK IT'S LOWKEY PERFECT#avery can do and do his debates when it's done ig. or just burn the bridges! idk!!!#i won't have to think about this for AGES robin just finish fucking chapter 2 challenge#oh i seem to have rambled in the tags again#thank u for coming#meddle boys#once they clear minrathous: 'vhenan? that was the dopest shit i've ever seen'#(flirtatious squak)#btw. i've been. paraphrasing. altho 'cmon baby let's blow this town' wouldnt be far off if the mood werent Fighting For My Life
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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#Got bored and dared to check this place#Saw a mutual rb from one of the problem people I used to be friends with and my mood ended up dropping for some reason#So... Goodbye#I guess... At least for now#Honestly at this point I just want to scream the names of those who stole stuff from me and friends#And even caused selfshiping to stop being fun for a mutual that ended up leaving Tumblr#Anyway... One starts with L and ships with N//Ori and the other starts with M and ships with J//taro#Go figure#At this point I don't fucking care
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One of these days I'll finally learn my lesson about the trap of thinking I can tell my mom stuff about what I'm doing in the little independence I have in my life. Today was not that day.
#i just got back from a nice outing too#fuck me for feeling good and happy i guess#i try and try to explain to her and she never gets it#i can make my own safety choices#i can take my own risks#it's MY life#and i don't have as much as everyone else#i just want what little life i can have#away from my family#no wonder i have anxiety#when i don't my mom's there to tell me i'm supposed to be scared of the world#the world was never what she thought it was#''nothing is safe anymore''#nothing was EVER safe!#you were just ignorant before!#(all of this because i fucking let it slip that i carry cash and not just cards)#honestly more fucking reason to keep collecting cash#without the easiness of cards maybe i'll manage to save up enough cash to do something#ugh#when i'm in a good mood i become an open book and i need to stop that#i need to stop thinking i can tell my mom everything
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