#just expressing my yearning
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Transition goals
#perosnal I guess?#lol idk#ftm trans#just expressing my yearning#my terrible doodles#(the first pic is what I look like now </3)#one day I will just a happy normal guy and everything will be beautiful <3#i don’t wanna be ripped or super lean I know that’s like the common beauty standard but nah#i wanna be big and solid looking that’s my gender envy#with a better hairline and normal leg shape lol
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thinking about wolfwood (ID in alt text)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#from awhile ago! i forgot to upload it here i think#i realized looking back at this. wolfwood has shrunk even more. DFGMKSGMS im sorry everyone has to bear with that. short woowoo#is engrained into my bones.... but anyway. im a big fan of vash yearning if that was not obvious from my previous comics.#not to say wolfwood doesnt do the same ofc... but im just thinking about vash's layers of repression in emotions and how he holds it#all together for the most part.... and when he yearns it's not like a dopey lovesick smile or anything. his cheeks are red but he's all “:(#bc he's Shy about it. and troubled by how much he's thinking about ww. but he can't help it and even less so when ww is right there#it's a very honest expression from someone like vash i think. and wolfwood can start to tell when he's faced with it and in turn#also gets embarrassed . silly the both of them#ruporas art
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Andrew Garfield for Audible UK
#I had to gif more of this just because#andrew garfield#my gifs#his hair looks so great here#and I love his pensive expressions#and his cute nose#ugh sir#someone send the love of my life already so I can stop yearning
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I imagine that Laios’ permanent hunger is both literally like “I’m hungry for food” but also. Metaphorically that he’s never satisfied in any form. I mean sure that plays into the curse as well but. I mean I think the demon literally stole his ability to be satisfied in general and he just has to cope with that fact.
#he’s always had third degree yearns but now it’s just so#so much worse#🥘#and the fact that the demon stole Marcille’s desire to take care of her hair#also is much deeper to me#it was something so important to her. an intristic part of herself#she describes it as a silly issue but it’s not#hair is a huge part of a person’s confidence and expression#and identity#and there’s more but my thoughts are getting too muddled to articulate I’ll return to this later#dungeon meshi spoilers#just in case
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"Staying loyal to your ME LI is so difficult! I can't not flirt in ME2!"
Me, who LOVES pining:
#Mass Effect#liara t'soni#Kaidan Alenko#Ashley Williams#Shiara#Shenko#Shepley#In my heart this post is about Ashley.... this is for you girl#But if I don't tag the others this won't get any notes lmao#But yeah not to say moving on in ME2 isn't valid#I just personally did not feel such an urge#The drama of it all#The YEARNING#I only wish there had been more opportunities to express missing them
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thinking about pran having to deal with his "unrequited" crush on pat while pat remains an oblivious clingy puppy who continues to pull at his heartstrings who then ditches their bus stop project for the girl he thought he lost him to in school, who comes back and acts all concerned and calls his dimples cute and proceeds to confuse him more who then annoys him on the morning of the match and then annoys him even more by flirting and then actually caring in front of others and then if that wasnt enough he had to be all wounded sad puppy outside his room to end up getting invited in and then have the audacity to ask him if he were ink if he would have liked him and making him lie to his face and then sleeping right next to his bed peacefully like pran's heart wasnt unravelling blood vessel by blood vessel every minute and yet in the morning when he wakes up, he does it so quietly and softly that pat has no idea that he has to wake up until he smells the breakfast (that pran had made for him and its) scent wafting into the room and now im sad.
#pran is just a small bundle of yearning#but he makes himself look like a big wall of indifference in the morning#but we all see through him#even pat#especially pat (you just said it was cute) and none of that makes me feel okay#bad buddy#pran parakul#pran my baby boy#i love him so much#i couldnt possibly begin to even express it adequately in words
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As life's final pages turn, I will find comfort in knowing that even in the company of my most cherished souls, my heart will still echo her name with it's last beat, a melody that time cannot erase. - me ☆
#my quotes#my thoughts#this is a girlblog#writing#self expression#quotes#wlw yearning#wlw quotes#wlw love#girl blogger#poetry#just girly things#girlcore#sadgirl#ldr aesthetic#girlblog#hell is a teenage girl#love quotes
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I think there are too many lines to draw between Anastasia the musical and Dark Rise and Dark Heir.
#or maybe I’m just really good at making up lines#none of the characters are a one to one but still#I don’t know if I can properly express how deeply these things overlap in my mind#but I made a diagram to try#far away long ago glowing dim as an ember / things my heart used to know / things it yearns to remember#though the scars remain and tears will never dry / I’ll bless my homeland til I die#WE HAVE A PAST TO BURY ANYA#dark heir#dark rise#cs pacat#james st clair#will kempen#visander#sarcean#dark heir spoilers#dark rise spoilers#Anastasia??
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Bro. I Cannot Bear The Weight Of This Fucking Existence Bro. Will You Hold Me. Will You Hold Me And Make It All Okay Bro. I Know That I Will Survive This But I Need Someone To Hold Me Tenderly And Tell Me That It Will All Be Okay. And Touch My Hair And Kiss My Forehead. Bro I Don't Have Anyone Else. Will You Do This For Me. I Can't Carry This Burden That Is Life All On My Own Bro. Will You Carry It With Me Bro. please.
#this is about friendship btw#it's about loneliness and it's about isolating#it's about loving deeply and not expressing it#it's about needing help#and it's about being aromantic#it's about never having a partner or a soulmate to be with you always. to have and to hold#anyway.#this is either gonna get zero notes or blow up and have so many gay ships in the tags#to be clear btw. it is about my experience but it is also about yours#it can be your fictional character's experience too#for me it is not romantic. at least not in the common sense of the word. but for you it might be#you can tag your blorbos if you want to#just remember that it doesn't have to be romantic. it can be yearning for platonic intimacy as well#dragonn talks#dragonn writes#poetry#poems#writing
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I am on some bullshit right now, bruh
#just re-watched pocahontas for the first time in many many years and dawg#the character animation in that film is so gorgeous#like they went so hard on ACTING through the animation#im getting obsessed again like i was when i was little#like u gotta understand: the disney pocahontas character (a truly fictional character inspired by real events let's get that straight)#i was like in love with her. i wanted to be her like oh my god#and the way they animated john smith was such a departure from their other disney LI's up til then (as *i* recall)#so detailed!! the expressions!!! the fucking YEARNING!!!!!!#best love story out of all the disney flicks imho. as a Story it's so powerful#I'm gonna think about the symbolism of them having to part#after grandmother willow had told them 'only when the fighting stops can you be together'#implying that the fighting isn't over and probably never will be#fuxking painfuslfjk#i know i know: c'est ~~problématique~~#but look. I'm from a racially diverse family okay?#my dad's side especially. nobody over there stuck to their own race/ethnic group#my parents are a mixed couple. i know how hard it is to make that work.#most interracial couples I'd seen on tv until that point were very...chaste?#mostly played for laughs (oh haha the cultural dissonance is so cute and funny!) or worse: to play up racial sterotypes#but to see one depicted as a straight-forward romance- as two people deeply in love and not played for a gag? AND as the core of the story?#mannnn that means a lot to me even all these years later#so yeah im deep in the 'hunting down feel-good fix-it fics' phase wish me luck
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Baby 1031
This is one thing I did not get closure on.
I'm not really sure I categorise this as them talking about the baby in episode 16. For me it was more of them talking about the divorce and the reason their marriage fell apart. Yes baby 1031 and their subsequent actions were the cause of it but I think this was just part of what I needed addressed. They talked about the consequences of the miscarriage they still haven't addressed the why. Something like we were both hurting, we coped differently, we should've been by each other's side. An understanding of the hurt is something I was looking for.. something like we could've gotten over it and come out stronger. I also have an issue calling it a 'trivial matter'. In the grand scheme of things sure I get why it was used (they were referring to the consequences that were all trivial) but I'm still a little hurt calling it that considering they both don't have closure. The pain was real and it should've been addressed way earlier. This was too little too late.
Also Hain's words mean nothing to me at this point because even if she remembers that one memory and the pain of that moment in their life. She can only guess what happened. So Hyunwoo's words/resolve meant more to me. What I'm trying to say is this should've been addressed earlier. God could they have please kept Haein's character development rather than offering it up to Amnesia? Because god knows she needed it as bad as Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo's development was supposed to be him remembering to love Haein again. Hae-in's was supposed to be to learn to be more expressive. And collectively they were supposed to learn to be more communicative. Writing this out makes me realize I spent 16 episodes and did not gain much.
Hyunwoo's evolved. Haeina's changed. And who/what they are collectively is happy. I don't know how but that's all I know. That potential growth got thrown out the window real bad.
#I'm sad again typing this out#so much potential#so much I yearned for and wanted to see#please understand I'm upset because I love this show so much#its okay to be hurt hy things you love#just healthy expressions as I learned but my MLs probably did not 🥹#Truly one of the weakest last epsiodes I've seen#queen of tears#baek hyun woo#hong hae in#kdrama#kim ji won#kim soo hyun#baby1031
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#I made this edit purposefully to yearn over the corners of his mouth#And to try to express how much I long to kiss them softly and to show how beautiful and endearing they are#so in case it's not clear yet. I need to kiss the corners of his mouth immediately#and caress them and draw them and devote to them all of my prayers and wishes#I've so much to say about them and someday I will 🤎#The corners of his mouth are one of the places I want to kiss the most#*sighs deeply*#My edit#This is a Mr. Corner Of His Mouth ™ scene to me 🥹 well one of the many 💓#I love the way his lips gets thinner and thinner as they progress at the point that the corners of his mouth look like black lines#And it's my favorite thing I swear. Not sure if that's the right way to describe this peculiar thing about them#I just know that I love them and cherish them. a lot#Arthur Fleck#I'm also head over heels for how big the size of his hoodie#I'm once again stating that this hood is big enough to tuck & hide your face in it while he's wearing it#to kiss him on the lips in the middle of the street to hide the both of you from the rest of the world 🥹#I'll draw this someday#Or write. Idk#I'm full of yearn that's the only thing I know
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crippling need to draw this image i have of sabigiyuu pressed back to front, giyuu holding onto the arm thats hand is splayed over his stomach/ribs, easily leaning his head back onto sabito's shoulder, his soft barely-there hold on giyuu's neck with their cheeks gently pressed together
#until the vibe to Do Shit comes back just imagine it for me ok? plz? im almost to tears thinking of them being soft#giyuu's trust in him so complete its second-nature and sabito's unwavering support & passion#FUCK GOD DMANIT I CANT USE WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW THEY FUCKING FEEL ABT EACHOTHER. GIYUU BIG DOE EYES @ SABITO LIKE HES HIS ENTIRE WORLD &#SABITO HOLDING HIM LIKE EVWRYTHING HE NEEDS IS RIGHT THERE IN HIS HANDS.#FUCK#GOD THEY MAKE ME FUCKING INSANE I CANT EXPRESS HOW INTENSE IT IS AT THE SAME TIME. THEYRE EACHOTHER'S *EVERYTHING* SABITO'S PASSION GIVEN#DIRECTION & GIYUU'S UTTER DEVOTION HAVING SOMEWHERE TO SHINE#THERES A REASON VIGI!AU SABITO THOUGHT FAKING HIS DEATH WAS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP THEM BOTH ALIVE & REGRETTED IT SO DEEPLY ANYWAY#CLAN AU: SHIT MARRIAGE +ADULTERY GIYUU BROKEN AND HURTING YEARNING FOR SCRAPS AND SABITO BEING THERE TO HEAL HIS WOUNDS & GIVE HIM FEASTS#THEY WANT TO GIVE EACHOTHER THE WORLD THEY WANT TO GIVE EACHOTHER THEIR VERY SELVES FOR THE CHANCE OF HAVING KNOWN THEY WERE LOVED#WHOLLY AND UNHESITATING#i need to make them worse in my aus theyre not unhinged about eachother enough they need to be sewn together at the hip souls entwined#auuhuhh#i need to go to sleep#sorry for the mental illness moment ill do it again#sabigiyuu#loserboy giyuu posting#fratboy sabito posting#sabito#giyuu
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man
#i do wonder if my parents actually love me or if they love the idea of what i could have been#i want to hug child me and tell them it'll be okay that we're still alive#you went through so much you were so hurt and so misunderstood#nobody knew what to do with you#and now we have to pick up the pieces of you and hope for the best that we can keep the grown up version of us alive#you didn't deserve any of this little one#how could you tell a small child they were an attention-seeking manipulator for being in pain#how could you blame hallucinations on being *gifted*#and how could you ruin our two tries at therapy with saying we appeared perfectly normal to them#weve had extreme documented mood swings since we could walk how could you think we were just gifted don't you know this ignorance is a curs#i don't know what you did wrong but all three of your kids expressed suicidal ideation by age 8 despite doing your best#how could you try your best and still *fail*#why do i have to pick up the pieces of a child forcibly infantilised yet forced to grow up so fast#why isn't our suffering acknowledged#how did you make us so scared to inconvenience anyone how did you convince us we don't deserve medical care because were not ill#how did you convince us we don't need stuff yet make us yearn for physical objects#how did you make us feel so irredeemably evil for simply existing
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hello lovely man 💕
#yearning for him right now#just longing and aching and burning and melting#swooning and dying also#his range of expressions as maximus is so impressive to me#especially because he’s such a stoic character and comes across that way#yet he has absolutely mastered the microexpressions#there’s so much humanity in him#that’s what makes him so compelling and therefore makes his story so compelling#forever heartsore for this perfect man#his joys are my joys and his sorrows are my sorrows#i’m very tender over him rn#i say rn as if i am not always#this blog is a scrap pile of all my emotions for him#my beloved so dear to my heart so precious and cherished#gladiator#russell crowe#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000
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Infinite list of favourite lyrics: 226/?
The Magnetic Fields - Andrew in Drag (2012)
"A pity she does not exist,
A shame he's not a fag;
The only girl I ever loved
Was Andrew in drag.
There is no hope of love for me,
From here on I'll go stag -
The only girl I'll ever love
Is Andrew in drag.
[...]
I've always been a ladies' man
And I don't have to brag
But I become a momma's boy
For Andrew in drag.
I'd sign away my trust fund
I would even sell the Jag
If I could spend my misspent youth
With Andrew in drag..."
#favourite lyrics#the magnetic fields#andrew in drag#2012#stephin merritt#love at the bottom of the sea#i won't pretend to be some great fan of The Magnetic Fields‚ or even to know very much about them at all; this is really the#only song of theirs that's floated across my radar‚ but the second it did it stuck firm as a favourite#recounting the surely universal (no?) experience of seeing a friend in a new and confusing context which blows open your ideas about#sex and sexuality‚ Merritt's deadpan delivery mixed with the pop lite synth design of the song give it a very specifically 80s feel but#the wry lyrics feel a little more up to date. it's actually quite a sweet song‚ underneath it all; our narrator doesn't seem to be beating#himself up particularly about these new feelings‚ just bemoaning the helplessness of the situation. likewise there's something quite#charming about the way the lyrics don't specify really anything about Andrew's appearance (besides being in drag): there's no focus on the#physical‚ but simply the expression of a yearning desire (albeit somewhat crudely expressed). I've always particularly liked how vividly#Merritt sketches in his narrator‚ his life and experiences in just a few lines (after all‚ this is a brief song and about 40% of the lines#are just the title repeated). it's in the details of the trust fund and the jag‚ as well as the specific turn of phrase (the slur‚ the#non quoted lines about wagging tails) which so perfectly recall an image of a certain type of well to do American frat boy#and all the eye rolling coarseness and selfishness that implies‚ but subverted a little in this one sincere expression of newly#found and unrequited queer attraction
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