#mannnn that means a lot to me even all these years later

[teadocs]

oooh wait could you talk about jordan if you feel like it?

Oh mannnn there's so much to be said about her, but I can absolutely share a few little things!

Jordan is the runner up on Season 1 after a long, difficult season. She actually gets eliminated before the teams even merge, but she's brought back (alongside Chrystyna) a few episodes later at the merge due to the fact production loves a mean girl who's willing to cause drama!

Her dad taught her how to play bass guitar, since he played with a garage band that did a couple local shows when he was in college. Bass is really her only hobby, as she put almost all of her time into school as soon as she made it to middle school. Her mom kinda pushed her into academics, but a part of her still held onto that childhood dream of getting to sing and play the bass for a living.

Despite having a few flirtationships in s1, Seth (one of the S2 newcomers) is her first real relationship. 🥸 She's kinda taken aback by the fact he's flirting with her, but the two of them hit it off super well. So well, in fact, that Jordarren (which was supposed to be Jordan's endgame relationship) got completely scrapped, and I completely re-wrote what I wanted her life post-show to be.

Her outfit colour palette remains exactly the same season to season (occasionally with the addition of new colours). Elements in her outfits (starting from s2) also can foreshadow things that are going to happen during the season! Also despite being a bitch, she actually rocks a lot of heart motifs.

The show screws her life plan over completely. She originally auditioned with the intention of using the money towards med school (which she had already been accepted into at the time), but due to her being universally known as "that massive bitch from television", she drops out partway through her third year (right before season 4 is filmed).

Libby is her absolute best friend. Jordan spent so much time completely focused on school and her grades so she never really had a super close friend, but now that she has one, she'd probably kill a man for her. Jordan adores Libby.

There's honestly so much that can be said about Jordan, so if you ever have any specific questions or you want to know more, just let me know! She's my main gal, and I love talking about her!

[anotherashley]

Um, excuse me but I would read the shit out of another 20k of that soul bond blurb☺️

i was having such a fun convo with @ohblushes last night about soulmarks so i thought i’d share:

Me: you mentioned soulmarks and so i was thinking what if it's a world where soulmarks exist. except in this world at least four or five people will have a matching mark, and they could all potentially be a partner that would be super compatible with you and you would be happy with. but also that your soulmate would be happy with. and jonny and patrick meet as kids and fall for each other. and they know it's probably a long shot so they don't let themselves get involved until they can't help it one night during world jrs. and afterwards it's so painful bc they have to be separated again. but then jonny gets drafted and maybe he goes straight to chicago instead of playing an extra year for north daktota. so he's been in chicago a year by the time patrick gets drafted. and patrick thinks holy shit finally. we can be together. but he arrives and jonny introduces patrick to a friend of his and he realizes this guy shares their soulmark.

Ohblushes: oH MY GOD THEN WHAT

Me: alternatively if you don't like that idea. what if they know each other as kids but they don't know much about each other. except patrick knows that jonny has met one of the people with his soulmark. they met after jonny arrived in chicago for the start of his and patrick’s rookie year. and patrick's hanging out with them one day bc he likes jonny a lot and his bf or whatever is... okay. except whoa wait...the bf notices patrick shares their soulmark too...oh fuck

Ohblushes: WHAT HAPPENS WITH THAT ONE TOO

Ohblushes: Oh my god

Ohblushes: you can't leave it there!!!!!!

Me: lol which one first?

Ohblushes: first one!!!

Me: i feel like all three of them try to be friends and get to know each other. but there's obviously this weird dynamic bc jonny and patrick know each other better than....let's say his name is wes. bc they grew up together, bc they've been intimate with each other, bc they've had time to build up real feelings. and wes is trying to play catch up. and he's handsome. patrick can't deny. he's funny and charming. and they all have a good time together

Ohblushes: omgggggg

Me: but when wes smiles too long at jonny or touches his arm patrick kind of wants to rip his stupid charming face off

Me: and maybe in this world when a couple chooses to bond their marks shift into something new, that's specific to the two of them? 

Me: and patrick can see his mark shifting, or maybe he's hallucinating. but it looks different. and he didn't bond right? they certainly didn't have a ceremony

Me: but then why is his mark changing?

Ohblushes: HIS MARK IS CHANGING

Me: and patrick’s wondering is jonny getting closer to wes? is jonny going to pick wes instead of him?

Me: and they say if a bond goes bad a mark can fade or even disappear completely. that might be a myth he read on reddit. but who knows? it could be true. what if his mark is fading bc jonny doesn't love him anymore?

Ohblushes: OMGGGG

Ohblushes: omg i have questions about what jonny thinks is going on but

Me: wouldn't it be funny if jonny was equally as worried and was doing all of these things purposefully putting himself in the middle between wes and patrick and patrick was reading that as jonny wanting him out of the way when it was really jonny being possessive af over patrick?

Ohblushes: YES

Me: and so patrick goes to confront wes and ask him if he's going to make a move on jonny. and wes is like yeah i was, but he turned me down.. and patrick's like wait what? and wes says ‘he asked me if i was going to ask you out, bc he wanted to be with you. so i guess we both have our answer.’

Ohblushes: what does patrick do!!!!!

Me: he rushes over to jonny's place and interrupts jonny during a workout when he's all sweaty and shirtless and is like ‘i'm sorry but this is more important than pushups right now. i love you and i want to bond with you and my mark has been changing for months now and idk what that means. but if it's the universe telling me i shouldn't be with you i don't give a fuck bc you're the only one i've ever wanted.’

Me: and jonny shows patrick his mark that's been changing too

Me: and then they make love and bond the end

Ohblushes: YES OMG

Ohblushes: i like the touch about jonny being sweaty and shirtless

Me: lmaoooo it made me happy too

Ohblushes: omg i love this

Ohblushes: what about the one where jonny has a bf!!!!

Me: mannnn that one would involve so MUCH UST

Me: so many little touches in place of what they both want but can't have. 

Me: i could see them becoming really close friends and even closer rooming together on the road

Me: and the intimacy would be so intense. and maybe they almost kiss one night but don't and they both feel horrible about it. and jonny goes home to  break things off with the guy (maybe his name is also wes lol). but he doesn't tell patrick bc he feels like he doesn't deserve patrick after that. so patrick doesn't know he's single and they're both like suffering and miserable wanting to be together so badly.

Ohblushes: omg yes

Ohblushes: patrick not knowing he's single is PERFECT

Ohblushes: does he find out!!!

Me: maybe jonny gets super drunk one night and comes back to their hotel room and maybe he's like crying? and he wakes patrick up out of a dead sleep and he's like ‘i know i fucked things up. i should've waited for you. i always felt something for you growing up even though we weren't close and that was probably our marks drawing us to each other. but i didn't know. and i was so excited when i met wes. i mean some people never meet anyone with their matching mark. how was i supposed to know you were there the whole time? fuck! i love you patrick. i do. i just need you to know that. i'm sorry.’ and then he goes and throws up and passes out. and patrick's so stunned he doesn't know what to do. is he willing to share jonny with wes? if it's the only way he can have him? he think maybe he can do it. if it's the only way. so he goes to wes' place a few days later to see if he's okay with the arrangement and finds out they've been broken up for months. and then he's kind of furious bc WTF JONNY. so he goes to jonny's place to bitch him out. and just ends up saying really fiercely ‘you should've told me’ and jonny says ‘i know i'm sorry.’ and then patrick says ‘i love you too, idiot. like a lot.’ and kisses him. and then they make love and bond the end.

Ohblushes: ohhhhhhh my godddddddd

Ohblushes: HE THINKS HE HAS TO SHARE JONNY

Ohblushes: alskdjfa;sldkjf;lsdkfja;slkdjf

Ohblushes: does he lay into jonny later 

Ohblushes: did jonny think he didn't have a chance!!!

Me: yeah he does lol bc they could've been together all this time!

Me: and jonny thinks patrick didn't want to. bc he seemed so horrified that time they almost kissed. and he thought maybe patrick believed he was an asshole for that, like he'd be a bad partner if he could get that close to breaking a potential bond. and patrick's like ‘god you're a dumbass i literally didn't think any of that. i just felt guilty for maybe ruining your relationship with your future bondmate. i felt shitty for what i did. but i still wanted you all the time.’ and jonny's like ‘i still wanted you all the time too. that's why i felt so bad, why i had to break things off. i couldn't think about anything else.’

Ohblushes: they're so dumb

Ohblushes: and so in love

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 36

time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss

I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss

starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice

I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop

he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed

oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)

anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!

and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls

and glitch! a totally minor character of course...

MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++

as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc

also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it

oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try

I love rodimus did u know

poor riptide looks so confused lmao

IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies

whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real

I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!

mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh

and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh

cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail

cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch

godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man

anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE

oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange

vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl

rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store 

and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later 

and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys

they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis 

‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????

also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing

‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-

cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon

tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute

and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute

one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up 

TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;

are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal

cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box

also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it

oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that 

cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that

goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me

HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd

and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn

‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭

‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity 

anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye

AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!

orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS

I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss

‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd 

‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo

oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!

tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm

ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him

and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it

rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon

ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE

also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao 

and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao

oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :( 

oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....

‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf

I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious

‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily

THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy

GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN

oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on 

which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf

so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD. 

and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’ 

ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious

basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!

[imacrowcawcaw]

1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 17, 20, 23, 29, 38 😘❤️ Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Hi mimi thank you so much for all the questions!!! This is gonna be really long lol - also, sorry it took a while, Tumblr kept glitching and erasing EVERYTHING

1. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? Oh my god SO MANY! I have roughly 50 works in progress, and so many more ideas running through my head - I just haven't had the energy or the time lately to actually work on them. One that keeps coming back to me is Sam and Danny chilling in bed on a lazy Saturday, after a sleepover, and Sam announces that if they had sex, it would be the best either of them ever experienced. They debate for a while, and of course end up getting it on... it'll happen someday.

4. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. There's a lot of fluff and heartfeltwords; I try to keep it lighthearted too, though, and throw in what I hope is some funny stuff; smut of course, or at least some kissing; metaphors and figurative language galore. I feel like I'm still very much trying to find my voice and my style, so I think my fics differ a lot in their styles, but there are things that I generally like.

5. Share one of your strengths. Hmm, I was going to say that I know how grammar works (that feels rude but- ) actually I'm going to say that I always turn out things that I really enjoy. That may be more of a personal strength - i.e. it only matter to me - but if I post something I am satisfied (enough) with it. I like my work! I write what I want, even with requests, and I put my all into my writing because I want it to be such good quality that it would make me squeal if I came across it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Dude, that's disgusting."

Danny just smiled at Josh, showing off a rather gross mouthful of mangled food, and kept eating his pineapple pizza.

"Seriously, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. Can't you just eat regular toppings like the rest of us?"

Danny shook his head and swallowed. "Nuh-uh, I can't. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Hmm, you know, you're right: you're not like the rest of us. It's way hotter in the Wagner corner." Josh looked at him coyly, licking BBQ sauce from his chicken wings off of his fingertips.

Danny froze and Josh laughed, using a napkin to scrub away the rest of the sauce and continuing to messily eat his 'regular' pizza. Danny shook his head, closing the lid of his box to save the rest for later.

Idk if anyone other than @satans-helper would be interested in Josh and Danny (like, together, or at least flirting) but.... I thought this was good. It was fun to write - still not anywhere near done, though - and I think it captures them pretty well. I think dialogue is good when the characters speak for themselves, literally, without having to rely completely on prose to give it meaning.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"The bass pumped through Sam in the same rhythm as his cannabis-speckled blood, sludgey warmth crawling in his veins as he took a second hit of the blunt being passed around. Hidden away from the eyes of management constantly trying to tighten the reins, as if they weren't rock stars in - or perhaps even before - their prime, he let the dark corner he and a few new acquaintances occupied be his cover from an eventual scolding."

Let this be a little teaser for the Collab Zara and I are doing (!!!) lol. I think it's some of my best writing; lyrical but not too long as I'm learning how to do it right, offering information with every little part, setting the scene in a concise but not info-dump way, some bit of irony and humor.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write? Ohhh man, well there have definitely been MANY that I've gotten stuck on for months, if not over a year -- but, the finished fic that was hardest was probably "Forever", to be totally honest. I think it turned t out very well, but I revised over and over and over, and scrapped a very large portion of it. I know what I wanted, but it wasn't coming for a very long time.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? "Blood Brothers". It just flowed so well, I sat and types furiously in my phone for a good 3 hours without stopping, and it was born.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? There's quite a few pieces that I always think of: write what you want to read, adjectives and adverbs slow the pace (learned this recently and it's very handy), sometimes straight-forward is best, don't be afraid to scrap things and start over.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Oh man, that's a hard choice. I think that "Eyes of Juniper" (metallica fic, not finished 😔) would actually be the best choice, because it's funny, I would love to see the guys in the 80s, and, while it deals with bodies/nudity/sexuality it wouldn't be a straight up porn film lol.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? A mix of both, I think it just depends on how my ideas are flowing. If I'm really on a roll and know I won't be interrupted, then I'll just write it chronologically. But, if I have a small idea, or I know how I want to end but dont know how to begin, then I'll just start writing something. I'm always afraid I'll forget what I want if I don't write it down, so I work on what I'm able to and fill in the rest later.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Well, I usually end up doing the most of my writing hunched over sitting on me bed in the dark and furiously typing on my phone lmao. I would love to get a laptop and a dedicated space, but it's just not gonna happen rn. So, I'll go with dark, undisturbed, comfortable

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? there are quite a few that I can look back at and be like noooo what was I doing. I think, though, one that could be really really amazing if revised would be "Black Dog", a guns n roses fic I wrote. It was good, but one of my firsts. My style has improved, and I think I could just make it a lot better, and the dialogue at the end could be a lot more clear and realistic sounding

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? Oh mannnn there are so many fics that have made me want to somehow write/find more, I'll go with "Angel of Apple Valley" (pairing: Duzzy fandom: gnr, on rockfic, I cant find it rn though sorry). It was so amazing and I still think about it. I don't think I could do anywhere near justice to the original, so of course I wouldnt actually, but I just really want more

38. Talk about a review that made your day. Ohhh ok pretty much every review makes me suoer hapoy, but the lovely helena_s_renn left me a comment on Ch. 4 of "Skin on Skin, Hearts Laid Bare" and it nearly made me cry

"Girl, I think you've discovered your voice. This has an intensity beyond any of your other work that I've read thus far (not saying the previous isn't good - it is!!). I was glued to my phone by the eyes, didn't want it to end, and yet it did in what seemed like 5 seconds. Danny's acceptance of Sam's physical needs without asking anything more of him than "just sleep with me" is love. On that subject, I think you've thrown more words at the wellspring of Sanny Love from Sam's perspective than one would have thought possible, and they all ring true."

Like, holy shit thanks?!?! Lol. But really, I've been seriously trying to find my style, and to hear this from one of the writers I respect the most was huge. I felt like a favorite teacher was giving me a hug and telling me i did good!!!

[riotatthemovies]

Today we have a true wildman, maverick of low budget film Joel D Wynkoop. Let's get in the mindset of an actor, an actor's actor. An American Brian Blessed without the beard you could say (imagine Joe D Wynkoop as Hawkman and let that sink in) . To you regulars here at Riot at the movies you will remember Joel from 2019s Terrible Two Day fest where he closed the weekends events by appearing in Clownado as the cowboy pilot. Then just before screenings shut down in the first week for March 2020 we saw him again in the first film of this year Terrible Two Day Fest with a small but high energy cameo at the very end of Dinogore.

Let's pretend we are a live audience talk show and give a round of applause for Joel D Wynkoop.

Riot: Joel you are known as a high energy guy, what do you think or even what do you hope are people's first impressions of you?

WYNKOOP:      Well I hope they like my performances.  There are some that just flat out say "He yells too much!" I even had an actress tell me "Stop yelling at me, you're always yelling at me" but what she didn't get is that was the idea in the movie, the Sheriff(Played by me was yelling) but she got her feelings hurt and asked me not to yell at her.  "But....I'm supposed too." I told her...anyway the director pulled her aside and explained to her "...this is not real life and we were pretending" and she still didn't get it, so the director told me "don't yell at her too much."  Aside from the yelling and the out of control antics of a lot of my characters, I also want to be known as the actor that can do serious stuff too.  I have done parts that when they were done or in the middle of where the audience was crying because I was going for that emotional touch.  I have done things that scare the audience, not to mention my co stars.                          My wife, before I knew her, we had just met and we did a very emotional scene when I was in her face yelling at her, later the director said to her "You were great you really looked scared." and she said "I was scared, he is a scary guy when he yells... I thought he was going to hit me."  But I can also do comedy where people may say "Man Wynkoop was so funny in that" or "Mannnn Wynkoop was so annoying in that" in each case that is what I was going for.                                In my latest movie "THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT" I think people are going to say the latter because the character I do is annoying....but funny...I hope.  If they don't like me right away or there's someone out there going "Wynkoop sucks, his movie's suck"  I hope people make their own decisions if they like me or not.

Riot: Let's look back at your early break into low budget films. Which character do you relate to the most, Steve Nekoda the religious, confused martial arts man of action from Lost Faith or do you deep down feel a little more fucked up like Dan Hess from Wicked Games or maybe even worse the officer in Dirty Cop No Donut? Or is that just crazy ? If you don't feel you personally relate to them, who was your favorite character to play?

WYNKOOP: Just doing Steve Nekoda, Dan Hess or Gus Kimble I think I am a little of all of them in real life.  One time... well more then once in my life...real life...I have had to step in and protect someone like Steve Nekoda would, other times I have been the smart ass like Gus Kimble and his brand of justice where I have said things like (When someone is too close to me, I mean right on my ass) I turn to them and say "Are you gonna propose?" and they say "No" then I say "Then get off my ass!"                        More than once I have stood up for somebody... one time I told two guys to leave the premises because the girl inside the store was scared of them.  The one guy then said to me.  "You got a problem with me?"  I said "No, I don't have a problem with you, but you're gonna have a problem with me if you don't leave now!"  He started to move towards me. I went into a striking stance and his buddy grabbed him and said  "Let's go man." and they left.  The cops told me later "Don't be the hero just call us next time, we have guns."                      Dan Hess pushed in his Truth or Dare world, is me when I get annoyed in traffic.  Someone cut me off I exploded in rage, he saw me in his mirror cursing him, he stopped his car and jumped out and came after me, I jumped out of my car and yelled at the top of my lungs "Don't FUCK with me man!!"   He got back in his car and left and I did the same.  Hey, I'm not perfect!  

                     Again Steve Nekoda. I am a Christian yes, I swear, I'm sorry, were all human. I will stop and pray with someone at the drop of a hat.  I have ran charity events for people struggling with medical bills.  I will offer you some money if they are hard up...not scammers!  So I guess I am a little of all of my characters.  Nick Hazzard, Dan Hess, Steve Nekoda, Parsons Cooper, Angus Lynch, Tie-Ree, Cope Ransom and a lot more.                         Favorite character?  I think all of them.  I loved Steve Nekoda cause he is like a superhero, Parsons Cooper is turned into a sci-fi superhero.                          Dan Hess is fun because he is an average guy with a messed up life.  Angus Lynch was fun to play because he was just psycho!  Same with Gus Kimble from the Dirty Cop movies.  They are all fun to play, I just can't lock one particular one down.  They're all fun...CLOWNADO?  I loved playing that character "HAWK" for Todd Sheets!!  It was a fun role to play and Todd really let me run with it.  Little easter eggs too in one line almost under my breath you here my character HAWK say "I'm just about to watch a Todd Sheets Joel Wynkoop double feature, those guys kill me."  Yeah I love them all!

Riot: I am honestly imagining you doing a remake of Falling Down (the Micheal Douglas movie) just so I can see you super red faced getting angry in your car and flipping out at the traffic. You have like a dozen, if not more projects on the go at any time. How's Covid treating you? Are you going stir crazy or getting some stuff done on the side? I hope the conventions come back and people can get copies of all these movies as well.

WYNKOOP: Covid?  We are dealing with it.  If the law, Government or whatever wants you to wear masks just wear the mask.  It's not that big a deal.  Yes it annoys me but I wear it because it is the law and you're keeping people and yourself safe.  You know what?  I knew a guy that was a nudist and he told me "Joe, I don't know why we have to wear these, these clothes, I should be able to walk around unencumbered and free, there's nothing wrong with my body, I should be allowed to walk around nude, go into the store, go to the movies, I feel like I am being persecuted against because I cannot be free and naked."  Well guess what?   That is what everyone is saying about wearing their masks...are you comfortable with people walking around naked in your grocery store, pet store, church, movie theater, everywhere you go?  I'm not.     I think if we are told to wear masks then wear them.  It's "NOT" being sheep, you're being smart.  If you don't believe in it... go up to a stranger and say (With your mask on) "Please hack up all over me because I don't believe in the Corona Virus... try and let spit come out of your mouth too cause I don't believe in it so I won't get it!"  Then pull your mask down so you can inhale all that virus you think is "NOT" there.  People say more people die from the flu then Corona?  Really?  Personally I don't know any of my friends that have died from the flu...BUT I Have had at least 10 friends die of the CoronaVirus in the last two months.  As of writing this tonight I just found out two more of my friends caught the Corona Virus because they let someone in their home and now they have it.  If you don't believe in it then you don't believe the Earth is round.                     Stir Crazy?  Nah!  If we need to get out it is because of the news.  The world is really messed up now and it is all the same stories over and over again.  The riots were terrible!!!!!!  Anyway when it gets too much we go for a ride in the van.  I just want to make movies. I can't change anything, I'm not magic.   I'll  just continue to make movies.  Also I am editing my new movie now called THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT which never would have happened if it were NOT for the Corona Virus, I started this movie cause everyone was told to stay home, it was mandatory here! Curfew was enforced.  So I asked my wife Cathy, "Hey just shoot me talking to the camera."  Now spin it around so it looks like I am talking to myself as my counterpart and THAT is how The Craiglon Incident originated.  It is now like two hours long in my timeline waiting to be completed.  If there was no virus there would have been no CRAIGLON INCIDENT".                    But just editing the movie keeps me plenty busy! PLUS I ask people if they are interested in being a producer or executive producer of either or both my movies "THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT" or "BEAST MODE"(A movie we started with Debbie Rochon and Lloyd Kaufman but was shut down because of Covid) people can contact me and become producers and executive producers just by purchasing some of my movies...It's a great way to get some entertainment and build your IMDB!!!!                       Conventions YES!!!  Me too.  So many have been shut down at the last moment.  We even had Tampa Bay Screams here that was slated in August but it has been moved to March 2021 and we don't even know if that will happen.  Yes I miss it!!  More than selling the flicks I like meeting everyone that comes to the shows.  That's why I continue to do things on Facebook and make movies and sell online to keep my name out there so folks don't forget about me.  I don't think I would be comfortable doing a show right now anyway, not the way things are. I have had two shoots lately, one a TV show and one a rap video and I was nervous the whole time hoping I didn't get anything from anyone.  But yes it would be nice to get the world back to normal, well, not even normal... BETTER THAN NORMAL...hey that's a good name for a TV show..."Hey brother what are you doing next Wednesday night?"  "Me, oh not much I'm gonna check out that new TV show...what's it called, oh yeah...BETTER THAN NORMAL".

Riot: Let this be a reminder to my regular Canadian viewers and readers of just how freaking lucky we are up here. I love America for many things but for my health situation I wouldn't trade places with you Joel for the world. Thanks for being so open with us. Ok, How do you feel your films have dated over the years? The projects you've done with Tim Ritter seem to have just as strong a twisted fan base as always if not more these days.

WYNKOOP:     I think they hold up fine.  You have to remember when Tim Ritter and I started there was no CGI in indie movies.  It was all practical effects, if you wanted blood you made it and threw it on the actor you couldn't say "Hey put a blood splat there and make it look real with your CGI effects."  Nothing wrong with CGI it is just we didn't have that then. Also editing wasn't on your home computer with Movie Maker and Premiere... (They didn't exist when Tim and I broke into this, in fact some places have credited Tim and I  have been credited with the whole direct to video happening.)...  it was rent an edit bay with big 3/4 machines and shuttle the tape back and forth... In the beginning for Tim and myself, Tim and I use to edit on cutting boards with splicing tape.  You scratched your effects into the actual film.                           I remember putting "The Eight Million Dollar Boy Meets The Invisible Transport Boy" together, splicing it all together, it was an hourlong and it was hard to do that 50 feet at a time.  But yeah a lot of people are like "Yeah I remember TRUTH OR DARE man that was cool!" Even Elijah Wood on all the late night shows was talking about how much he loved "TRUTH OR DARE"!  "LOST FAITH" has got that same kind of attention, a lot of people really love it.  BUT like all our movies... some hate them, some love them.  I'll take the love over the hate... but you have to accept it all.       Believe it or not I learned this philosophy from Marvel Team Up.  Spiderman had just stopped the Basilik and was handing him over to the cops and Spidey said "Here you go officer, although I don't know why you would want him?" and the cop said "All part of the job wall crawler, you take the bad with the good."  And that is how I take everything, especially reviews.  You take the bad with the good.                               So yeah I think they hold up...I had a friend when STAR TREK THE NEXT GENERATION came out and he was like "Oh the original sucked the effects are much better in NEXT GENERATION"   Well "No Duh" I told him... it's like 30 some years later but STAR TREK is still a classic show!!  It still holds up today, the stories are great and I love the effects... yes the upgrades are awesome but always classic "Star Trek".  There is always gonna be a better format... pretty soon movies will be like holograms and we'll be being punched in the face by the characters in the movies. Technology changes everything so you have to give them credit for the era they were made.                                    The people that love Twisted Illusions movies and my movies are AWESOME.  I divide the two because Tim and I have done alot together as Twisted Illusions and I in turn have done a lot under Wynkoop Productions and joined the two over the years. I am still a part of Twisted Illusions with Tim and he with me in Wynkoop Productions it is two small companies just trying to entertain people.                                   We are BOTH very fortunate to have the nice people we do enjoying all of our movies and we will never forget that.  I get Facebook requests all the time and I ask them "What made you want me as a friend?" and they 90% always say "I saw your movies in High School" or "I saw you in Truth Or Dare"or "I loved you in Dirty Cop No Donut" and they all say "What are you doing now?".  In fact every time I think I am going to quit I get a Facebook from someone saying "I love your movies please don't stop making them." and I never will until GOD calls me home.  Even then when I am gone, I hope people keep watching all my movies I have done with Tim and the ones I have done and the ones we have collaborated on.  To the ones out there that watch our stuff I hope we are entertaining you because that is all we want to do, 'cause we sure arn't getting rich from it.

Joel Getting Tough in The Other Side

Riot: You do the whole package, acting, directing, producing. What makes low budget filmmaking still a passion for you and what are some of the things these days that frustrate you the most?

WYNKOOP: Frustrate me the most?  Editing.  I will have a whole scene in my timeline and the power goes out, I hit the wrong key and delete stuff, lightning hit the house and fries it, lightning turns out our power and I lose it.  It freezes up as I am editing and I have to wait an hour for it to fix itself.  When it says "SAVE" I hit no.  I make mistakes when I am tired while I am editing and boom I do something wrong and it is gone and I have to start all over again.  There have been problems when I was editing my TV show I was putting in the last minute touches and lost the whole thing and had to start over from the beginning again.  Frustrating!  I keep working at it no matter what.  I like to act in all I can.  When I don't have anything that is when I say it's time to make my own movie, although in this case of "THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT" it was because of Covid 19.  I'd like to make more money at it but doesn't everyone?

So as you can tell I sneak more then one question in at a time and I'm glad you took the time to shoot the shit with us. I hope 2021 means we get to go crazy and make all the weirdest and wildest movies we all can think of and I look forward to seeing what you got to throw at us. Thanks again. Stay Awesome.

Also Check out Joel in Lycanimator made by our Ontario buddy Seb Godin (also of Dinogore), get the vhs horror boobs made for Wild Eye Releasing , its better then the dvd.

WYNKOOP:  Thank you all for taking the time and showing some interest in this old guy!!!!  It is appreciated, thank you to everyone on your staff and everyone reading this article... thank you all so much and to see what I am doing please seek me out on Facebook under Joel D. Wynkoop.  Thank you!

[glitchb0t]

it’s almost 5am tuesday morning (past that as of me finishing typing this) and this is the first time i’ve really been on the computer since i got back from the con sunday afternoon

i died sunday from going way too hard at the dance saturday and then monday was spent cleaning and finding the names of the artists of things i bought so i can post said things...

anywho, my weekend was pretty great. i was slightly more confident this year than last year? a lot of people liked both bendy and bill and also my green hair on sunday when i wasn’t cosplaying lol.

i loved whenever anyone would say my fire for bill was a nice touch cause that was when i’d say “but wait! there’s more!” and i’d whip out my actual deer teeth from an actual deer’s mouth and their reactions were always amazing. i might not have been able to use the teeth in many pictures but i’m still soooo glad i bought them.

ngl i didn’t go to many panels but i mean i never do. i went to one on friday with a friend i haven’t seen for a couple years. it was a gay man’s perspective on yaoi and i guess it was pretty interesting? it was talking about representation and tropes and are they good for the community or bad and things like that. i learned i have a canon ship in south park of all things tho so that was kind of mind blowing. a bit after that i went to the c.u.c.k.s. panel since it’s ran by a number of my friends and i’m part of the group and it was... it was an experience. much like the group itself, there was a lot of yelling while i was quietly standing in a corner vaguely confused. not that that was a bad thing. i found it pretty entertaining, at least.

then i had pizza at like 3:30 in the morning. it was bacon and banana pepper with marinara sauce and it was amazing. also there was cheese stuffed bread which was even more amazing. and wine which i wish i hadn’t declined but i didn’t know there was only a cup left in the bottle. i have regrets.

then on saturday i went to the second half of a friend’s panel, a cosplay dating game. i wanted to go to the full thing buuuut i kind of took too long getting into bill sooo. made it for my favorite rounds tho so it’s all good.

saturday was a pretty interesting day for me tbh cause i had an eyepatch on from a little before 1pm until a bit after 10pm with only a couple breaks with the patch flipped up for a few seconds. at one point i went into the dealer’s room and man oh man was that disorienting. i actually got lost at one point? somehow?? and when i flipped the patch up to get a better look at some prints i was contemplating, all the prints ended up looking 3D. it was so weird and simultaneously cool and nauseating.

saturday night i went to the dance an hour after it had started (for some reason it started at 9:30 this year and went on till 1:30??) and proceeded to dance for three hours straight and almost threw up at the end when i went way too hard and had to call it quits as a result. i thoroughly enjoyed myself. on the way to the dance, i got several compliments on my docs and led laces. then a couple girls invited me to dance with them shortly after i had walked in the doors because my hair looked cool? i kind of lost track of them at some point and started to dance with some other girl and her boyfriend who kept appearing and then disappearing into the crowd. later on a rather drunk girl (i actually think she might have been one of the ones who invited me to dance earlier because of my hair but it was too dark for me to tell) was flirting with me and i was caught wayyy off guard by that interaction cause that? never?? happens??? and i went way too hard cause some guy fell in step with my dumb flailing and i mean i couldn’t just stop halfway through the section of the song with him there and had to keep going until the beat changed and he moved on and that was what made me almost throw up and when i went to get a drink to calm down all the water coolers were tapped out and honestly honestly

it was so great. guys i had such a good weekend.

sunday was when i did most of my shopping. bought some prints, couple figures, some snacks. i’ll be posting my haul whenever it’s a normal hour. i took $400 with me; the room cost me $80; i have $21 left. not bad tbh.

mannnn it was just. it was so good. best tekko yet. for me, at least.

[tumblunni]

Man i just remembered the paralyzing fear i had of this one kids film called Grandpa! I have no idea what its about except it was animated by the same guys who did The Snowman and it was advertised all the time on mid 90s vhs tapes. I had to fast forward the ad cos it spooked me just that much! And it didnt even make sense when i tried to explain it to everyone else?? Like.. All the advert showed was a grandpa being super cute with his grandkid, but somehow kid-me thought this was TOO cute. SUSPICIOUS! Something about the way the girl said 'grandpa' at the end made me think maybe the last act plot twist is that grandpa dies and it becomes one of those 'teach grief to children' films. I never did find out if my suspicions about this movie were true, but my grandma died a few years later and it was every bit as horrible as i feared :(

SO YEAH

BUNNI FINALLY GOOGLES THIS!

...

Okay so it turns out i never found it again cos it was actually spelled Granpa for some reason. I guess kid me didnt even know that was the wrong spelling?

And HEY GUESS WHO FUCKIN CALLED IT

mannn whyyyyy

Apparantly its not really handled as in depth as i thought though, its just an ambiguous 'one day grandpa wasnt there anymore and i carried on his legacy by telling his stories to my own kids'. Ehh, i kinda think thats WORSE because it just leaves it all scary and doesn't even help explain to kids how to deal with grief. And its kinda patronizing cos it assumes they're too dumb to handle it, when seriously 7 year old me had your entire damn plotline predicted from just the teaser trailer!

Aaaaarggh i cant believe i let this control me for so long! Why are fears developed in childhood so much harder to shake! I still get nervous around those street sweeper machines even though i know my kid self was stupid to think they could suck people into the vaccuum if you stand too close.

Oh and MANNNN my imagined version was WAY WORSE so seriously this is what you get when you leave things unexplained that 'kids cant handle'! Kids will still frickin see it, and have no form of comfort for their wild imagination! I imagined the film would be all like 'every day she calls out to grandpa and he picks her up and hugs her, one day she knocks on his door and he doesnt answer, but she sees him sleeping in his chair and he's so cold..' I seriously thought it would just end with a Rule Of Threes calling out of 'G-grandpa..?' as this five year old stood over his corpse. And was probably left alone with it for hours before her parents came back. KIDS CAN IMAGINE HELLA DARK STUFF OK

Anyway at least on a positive note i can know i was good at predicting and analyzing plots even back when i was little, and anyone who's all 'ugh its a kids show stop thinking about it so much' clearly doesn't understand how kids enjoy things. I mean seriously we make fun of kids for getting too passionate about fandoms and fanfics yet at the same time tell adults they can't do it cos kids don't...?? There was never a moment in my life when i wasn't intrigued about writing and worldbuilding and character analysis and fix-it fics and AAAALLL that stuff! I just used to understand less about writing techniques and have more stuff go over my head. Which is why i love keeping the same fandom as an adult and revisiting nostalgic shows! I can get a whole new enjoyment out of it, and better understand the work that went into making it, yknow? Also lol good characters don't stop being good just because this show is aimed at an audience younger than me. Sometimes it still holds up as an adult, sometimes it doesn't, but i can still see why i liked it as a kid and appreciate how much kids nowadays could get from it too. But lol most of the time it does hold up and its only low budget stuff like MLP G1, he-man and hanna barbera that doesn't. And honestly that's 99% about me having more of a reference on what's good animation and voicework, lol. So many horrid sounding voiceworks! But i can still see a lot of golden plotlines amoung the cheapness and i wish these shows could have got a better quality remake that was.. Well, more of a remake than a reboot with new characters. I really didnt like how the new mlp became more about slice of life stuff instead of adventures and fighting, even if the characters were more fleshed out. And then lol the bronies ruined it all..

ANYWAY LOL IM GOING OFFTOPIC NOW

in summary plz do not put surprise gramp death at the end of your cute movie unless you're really gonna put in the effort to handle it well. Its the difference between a film that wouldve helped me get thru my grandma's death and one that just acted as weird nightmare foreshadowing of it

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 35

ooooh baby functionist universe time

the cover with the neon ‘everything is fine’ sign is rlly good but also the pile of dead data stick bots makes me so sad omg noooo they're so cute leave them alone :( 

minimus and rewind...! its so cool seeing them interact

also I just love the crowd shot, and you can immediately see that there are a ton of data stick bots like rewind around - which isn't what we’re used to at all

also some good ole totalitarian govt stuff like the ‘you are our eyes’ sign (which, in retrospect, is fucking evil damnnnn)

also I'm so [eyezoom] on this functionist universe stuff bc like, this is basically the only time we ever see dominus be a character (rather than hearing abt him thru other characters), and even so he remains pretty ambiguous 

like, minimus clearly isn't thrilled that dominus didn't show up to see him at the space airport or w/e when they've been apart for two million years - and even tho we later see why he didn't show up, it still shows that there's some tension there

the amount of crowd shots in this issue is insane 

oooof, the fact that they sold luna 2 - and to the black box consortia, who we just heard about last chapter when they previously got into a space battle w/the galactic council and the djd

fu!minimus being part of the primal vanguard is interesting, I wanna see more about that. what was he doing w/them for 2 million years?

rewind just casually saying this completely fucked stuff, like that the govt ‘outlawed the intellectual class’ and ‘deported the knock-offs’ (which I'm assuming is cold constructed bots?)

I really like the sense we get thru minimus and rewind’s convo that all of this fucked up stuff has happened slowly enough that its become almost normal - like, they talk about it casually, even though its clear they don't necessarily agree with any of it 

plus the sense of ‘even if things get really bad ill be okay’ that both rewind and minimus seem to adhere to - rewind having been upgraded from being in the disposable class due to his connection w/dominus, and minimus saying ‘I like to think that obsolescence is something that happens to other people’ 

I love all the fucked up signage this issue. ‘take pride in being a means to an end,’ yikes

god and the fact that there isn't MORE data sticks, there's just LESS of other alt modes bc of how many alt modes the govt has wiped out completely...

oof, and continuing the whole ‘slow change’ thing - minimus saying that ‘the council never touches the astro class,’ and maybe that used to be true, but the govt will keep pushing that line, clearly...

and we get to see minimus’s alt mode! altho we the readers know that this isn't minimus’s true form...

‘amazing, the lengths some people will go to cross class boundaries,’ minimus says, as if he isn't doing exactly what rewinds describing, but even moreso as a loadbearer wearing an entire suit of armor

and then the casual public execution of the last lunabot...oof.

love the ‘cybertron. the present day’ text overlay...I was so confused about this when I first read it lmao. I figured it had to be some sort of au/quantum nonsense but STILL

back on the lost light, chromedome is going full kool-aid man on rewinds door

mannnnn I absolutely love the plotline of rewind 2 and chromedome 1...im so glad the story acknowledges that they ARE different, they did experience different stuff on their own lost lights, and rewind 2 being a quantum duplicate doesn't mean he had the same experiences as rewind 1...

and I love so much that chromedome just Doesn't Get It, bc of course he wouldn't - he’s too relieved that rewind is back to even consider that its not quite the same, that the rewind he was forced to blow up is still dead (which is a fucked up thought, so of course chromedome, the master of pushing the past away and moving right along, would want to avoid thinking about that in favor of continuing his relationship w/rewind 2)

it also makes a lot of sense that rewind, who records everything and puts a huge emphasis on history/the past, would be hyperaware of all the differences between him and rewind 1, and his chromedome and this chromedome

AUGHHHH and chromedome referring to an offer he made to rewind that was pretty clearly ‘if your memories of the djd slaughter are too much, I can remove them for you’ ooooof...I love these two so much, like...their absolute opposite approaches to trauma is fascinating

oooh mannnnn and then rewind starts ‘remembering’ stuff from the functionist universe...the plot thickens...!

I really like how one of the main ‘things’ in a lot of tf universes is energon/energy shortages, its interesting when the angle is kinda like, ‘energon is a finite resource and the methods to obtain more often involve destroying other planets,’ that's a pretty unique, alien problem for the tfs to have

it also makes sense that the functionists would form partially in response to that (perceived) shortage, and any sort of scarcity would push them further into their extremist views

I like how expressive the characters with visors are...its cute...

poor rewind has to go thru So Much

WHY can just anyone go into the morgue and touch the dead bodies. I mean I guess megatron being one of the captains explains why he’s in there, but that still shouldn't be allowed 

‘megatron mountain’ vhbjdkshfbjskfbhhk that's so fucking funnyyyyy I love rodimus....I quote that line a lot, especially when watching g1 lmao

the fact that swerve diluting his engex bc he’s a cheapskate saved everyone's s lives is amazing lmao

also like...damn brainstorm sure tried to murder Literally Everyone huh. like I guess the logic would be that if he succeeded in changing the past it wouldn't matter that they had died there cause the timeline wouldn't exist, but STILL. I guess that shows how confident brainstorm was in his plan

it makes so much sense somehow that rung doesn't drink. and we’ve seen firsthand why magnus doesn't lol

mannnn that panel of brainstorm shooting magnus with some wacky beam and causing the magnus armor to fall off in vehicle mode...Super Cool, just peak mad scientist vibes there

ok but if minimus switches to alt mode when ultra magnus does - as we see here, where minesweeper-minimus is inside big-ole-car-magnus - does that mean that inside the minesweeper is turbofox-minimus?? I want to seeeee

ghsdufjkbvksadfbhjs the panels of rodimus telling megatron that brainstorm time travelled are so fucking funny

and megatrons rant about how absolutely bonkers the lost light is....hvbhjdskfbasjh that's so funny oh my god. like yeah dude you're right and you gotta roll w/it sorry 

'on this ship, a minor breakdown is practically a rite of passage’ vbjdsnfbkasdfn its true and I love it

goddddddd it kills me how at this point in the story its So Obvious to everyone that brainstorm travelled back in time to do evil decepticon double agent stuff - and we as the reader can even buy that bc brainstorm has been so sketchy until now, and nothing he’s done contradicts what rodimus suggests - but it turns out in the end, it was all just for love. AUGHHHHHHHH its about the LOVE!!!! that's why I love this arc so much.

back in the functionist universe - god I cant believe rewind waited until Now to reveal to minimus that dominus has a tv face...like I get that that's a difficult topic to bring up in conversation but like, a little sooner might've been good hbvhjkdhnfbjaksl

oh man it hurts...rewind saying that they're in a ‘blind spot...’ oh man :(

rebel rewind, tho!! I love it sm

oh man and rewind never even broke the news about dominus to minimus oof. that's a tough reveal 

MANNN I really like the whole ‘flathead’ thing, its so awful and brutal. its such a logical extension of empurata, and as dominus says, once people get used to seeing empurata’d bots, it loses its punch...and the flatheads thing is even more invasive 

and writing wise, both empurata and the tv-heads are such good devices to show evil govt bs. I talk abt it a lot but I like all the ways jro gets creative with the ‘alien robots’ thing; a lot of these concepts wouldn't work at all with humans or other organic aliens

GODDD and dominus’s chilling speech being interrupted by the functionist propaganda....fucking horrifying I love it

also seeing dominus here is fascinating - clearly the council managed to pin him down enough to turn him into a flathead, but they never discovered his true alt mode...same with minimus, actually 

the cog is so fucking ominous. just floating there...

and the council is scary too! their names, and the fact that they all look the same...seems about right for an evil alien governing body

mannnnnnn and then the reveal that the data slug alt-modes will be ‘recalled’ next...rewind noooooo...and the one council guy even admitted that they still served some purpose in society, BUT that their ability to mass store data made them dangerous to the goverment...evil!!

meanwhile, rodimus doesn't know enough about science to be appropriately frightened about their timeline being wiped from existence, so he’s having a grand ole time

‘no one’s nodding, perceptor’ bvhjdbfasdfhbk their expressions....the lost light command crew are all clearly team ‘leave the science to the scientists’ lmao

I do love the paradox stuff, and brainstorm’s way around it all 

‘so I'm not allowed to take an interest in magic?’ hvbjhsdkfbjhkdf ily sm rodimus

but also like....rodimus suggests a parallel universe could've formed and perceptor is like ‘no way, that's not scientifically possible,’ as if brainstorm didn't basically defy science by time travelling at all...and more to the point, functionist cybertron DID get created, so rodimus was actually RIGHT this time

love that we’re already seeing perceptor’s admiration for brainstorm and his invention even here....sapiosexual mfer

a time travel chase....so beautiful...I love sci-fi so much

seriously time travel is one of my favorite tropes ever, this arc was inevitably gonna be my fav 

‘he’s going to kill orion pax.’ DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN

meanwhile, on functionist cybertron...aw, is that bulkhead? great cameo! oh wait what's going on with all the data sticks...? uh oh!

the fact that their heads just EXPLODE....soooo fucked!! 

god and then the council picks up their dead bodies, for...probably something evil, I’d assume

god and then dominus got even more fucked....

‘there are certain words you cant afford to lose’ ;_; REWIND....GODDD IM SAD 

GOD GOD GOD the reveal that minimus has CAMERAS in his EYES GODDDDDDDDDDDD that's so FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and rewinds reaction...ME TOO BITCH TF!!!!!!

all the ‘you are our eyes’ messages are even worse now huh!!

they did it while minimus was asleep...that's so fuckedddd

FUCKKKK and then rewind’s impassioned rebel speech, which I adore.....rewind ily sm...he’s such a good revolutionary, I wish we could've seen him leading an anti-funtionist rebellion....BUT THEN ‘oh? what about the back up?’ and its just like HHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and then his head starts smoking and we see another billboard, but this time it says ‘WE are your eyes’ - is the implication that everyone is now a surveilling spy, whether they like it or now, so now it’s ‘we?’ like, we’re all in it together, spying on each other! ooooof

also. this is like the third time rewind has died on-screen in this series lmao (well, if you count the fake-out death where he thought he’d be cancelled out during slaughterhouse)...he ALMOST died in issue 12 too....poor rewind

‘the custom-made now’ is such a great title. jro always killin it w/the titles

plus ‘elegant chaos’ is such a cool arc name. fucking epic 

M A N NNNNNNNN THIS ISSUE WAS BALLER...this ARC is baller....I talked a lot hvbhdjkhfndsak lmao but there's so much to talk abt!!! I love the look into the functionist universe, I love seeing alternate versions of characters and settings so much, and I love time travel, so this issue is basically made for me

plus I fuckign love alien robot politics and seeing the absolute control the govt has over cybertronian society in the functionist universe is fascinating - plus from a storytelling standpoint, I think it was brilliant to show the ‘other side,’ aka what things would've been like without the war...which is something ill talk about later when its more directly addressed in the story but man do I enjoy that 

basically I love this arccccc I cant wait to read more hhhhhhh

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 33

[sees rewind cover] time to be emo

swerve giving us a nice lil recap of the wild events of slaughterhouse thus far

and then the roll call page...I love how the last one is ‘rewind?!?’

OUGHGHGGHGHGH REWIND TINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I adore that nautica has a list of in-jokes to check off 

ohhhh man I forgot that alt-lost light rewind doesn't really know skids?? bc the alt lost light never picked him up....

POOR REWIND he wakes up all elder scrolls style and then immediately autobot megatron is just There without explanation lmao this poor lil guy

love the casual gender stuff honestly

nightbeat: ayyyy rewind!! sup? what horrific slaughter happened here? spill the tea! 

hvakjdfbskdf poor rewind is going thru it jesus

nautica and riptide hvbhkjasdsfasdfn ‘are jokes not funny where you come from?’ immmmm

nautica is so cute I love her

ohhhhh I love the panel of the two lost lights going off in separate directions with the title right below 

‘I remember it well. kind of’ that's a really funny line actually hbvkdjfnasdfl

I really like how on the alt lost light, rodimus’s risky stunt with the sparkeater actually kills him - I mean I'm glad that didn't happen in the main story but that's such a cool jarring discrepancy 

ok but its inherently VERY funny that the djd like, murdered the entire lost light, but later in the story the lost lighters are obviously still around and not dead...that's so fucking funny, the djd were probably like ????????????????? what the fuck didn't we kill these guys?????? but also they were tripping so they cant be sure

isn't it brainstorm who called the djd on the alt lost light??? oof 

LOVE the continuity of the alt lost light being the place that the djd went at the end of the scavengers 2 parter wayyyy back in the beginning of s1

more horrific slaughter, as one would expect from an arc called ‘slaughterhouse’ 

jeeeesus I forgot how completely fucked up all the shit was for poor rewind 2. christ 

also the like, thematic irony of alt-chromedome refusing to erase rewind from his memory and choosing to die horribly instead....SCREAMS I cant handle it

ITS SO HORRIBLE I'm so sad. poor rewind

‘silly string’ I love riptide

nautica is so smart I lov her 

oooh skids going off on megatron is really good. I find the whole ‘cons are super anti-organic/alien life’ angle interesting, bc it like, Makes Sense that a race of robot aliens who live for millions of years wouldn't consider shorter-lived organic life to be on the same level as them, but its also like, not morally right, so the autobots are correct w/the whole ‘freedom is the right of all sentient beings’ thing...its LAYERED

rewind: ‘I'm tiny’

me, crying: yeah...

honestly I really really love the quantum duplication plot in this arc. its like, peak sci fi nonsense but it also like, Makes Sense, and is presented in a very understandable manner...plus its like, super entertaining and fun, so I just love it

love how they're perusing brainstorms lab and just stumble across a dead body. classic

aaaand the plot thickens, with the reveal that brainstorm is a decepticon????? whoaaaa

I love that twist too oh man. I cannot WAIT for the time travel arc yessss

oof nautica being in denial about brainstorm being a con :( 

I find it kinda funny that getaway is IMMEDIATELY like, punching walls and going full that-one-wack-storm-trooper-from-that-star-wars-movie abt brainstorm being a con lmao, like what's even ur beef dude

when nightbeat is all like, wait there's a Type™ for decepticon double agents? and megatron says ‘hm. have you never been approached?’ bvhjaskdfbaksfd

mannn tho, I love all the character stuff this issue...I love the panels of megatron where he looks mad and crushes brainstorms mask, bc like, he’s gotta be thinking abt the fact that the djd, his personal squad of bloodthirsty attack dogs, were the ones responsible for all of this, as well as overlords presence, and brainstorm secretly being a con....

ok rewind and megatrons interactions are fantastic

like, rewind IS the nice one, but the definition of ‘nice’ is probably a little different than it used to be due to Big Ole War 

how are they propelling themselves in space????

NOOOOOOO I'm so fucking sad, rewind 2 is literally like ‘I'm fine with being deleted from existence bc my husband and everything I knew is gone’ aughhhh

and then megatron lies and tells him that he and chromedome, on the og lost light, are ‘inseparable’ 😭😭😭 I mean I guess that's not a lie if you count cd rewatching rewinds goodbye video on loop...AUGHHH

‘let’s not drag out the goodbyes’ but rewind, what about one of the story’s themes, ‘how to say goodbye and mean it’? 

and we cut off right there for maximum suspense...

omg I love swerve like, fistbumping cyclonus in the chest, and cyclonus is just like ?

skids,,,,,maybe surprising chromedome with his not-so-dead alternate-version husband isn't the best idea...like, this isn't exactly a zero-explanation-necessary kinda situation...

I adore rewinds massive shoulder pads tbh

oh god. GODDDDD. the panels of rewind and chromedome sitting next to each other, not saying anything, and just slowly moving closer to each other while looking out at the stars....literally these gay robots invented romance, thank you very much

I'm so fucking tender guhhhhhhh

like,,,,the fact that both of them separately watched the other die horribly and could do nothing to stop it, and now they're reunited here, and they don't even need to say anything...AUGH.....

OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm sorry I can’t. SO tender

and MANNNN I'm so so glad that rewind is back. I don't always love when characters don't stay dead but I'm completely happy w/it here for multiple reasons, like the fact that I really like rewind and chromedome’s story after this arc - like, I LOVE that they addressed the fact that rewind 2 is different from OG rewind, despite being fundamentally the same person, so he and cd cant just immediately get back together and pretend everything's fine, but also there's really only an 18 month (?i think) disparity between the 2 rewinds which is nothing compared to literal millions of years, soooo

ALSO I literally never considered this until this reread but it would've been kind of an L for rewind to die and stay dead considering that rewind and cd were The First transformers gay couple, and that's a really big deal! and I don't really consider it bury your gays bc like, rewind doesn't stay dead that long and also there are soooo many other gays, but STILL 

plus rewind and cd ended up having a lot of story left to get thru, which is awesome

also I just love rewind so I'm glad he’s back :) 

ok the fact that the suspense over brainstorm being a con still isn't resolved bc not everyone knows....spectacular tbh

don't knock the power of love, nightbeat! 

the briefcaseeeeeee

ok but I really don't remember jros explanation as to why rewind 2 and the briefcase didn't get deleted hvbhjsdkhfk I gotta go look that up again

OHHHHHHHHHH I FORGOT THE EPILOGUE IS THIS. OHHHHH MANNNNNN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS 

BRAINSTORMMMMMMMMM ILYYYYYYYYY

I fucking love this scene bc this is basically the culmination of brainstorm being Completely Ominous for the entire story thus far, like, it really hit me this readthru that brainstorm was so totally sinister for like most of his screentime up until this arc...and this scene is the pinnacle, I love how everything brainstorm says is overlaid with so much tension for the reader bc of what we know now about him

like brainstorm saying ‘yes - here’s to fixing things’ is so fucking sinister even though out of context that sentence is just normal

and when atomizer basically voices what the entire audience is thinking as brainstorm opens the briefcase - ‘brainstorm, you can’t do that.’ bc yeah, what the hell, he’s opening THE briefcase, Oh Shit

AND THEN THE FINAL SHOT....brainstorm front and center looking SCARY AS HELL.... ‘I can do whatever the hell I like.’....everyone suddenly collapsed around him...the fantastic shadowy lighting...the ominously open briefcase...the clear segue Directly into the next high-concept arc....[chefs kiss] ART

seriously I love this issue so much. SO many good things. such good character stuff, really great interactions, some fantastic plot development, super creative sci-fi fun times...all around just an extremely solid and enjoyable issue, 10 outta 10

and MAN OH MAN I cannot wait to get into the elegant chaos arc, it fucking SLAPS, that arc and remain in light have always been my favs, I'm so excited to revisit it 

AND ruth bought the physical comic TPB for like issues 34-38 or something and I'm so so glad I can read that instead of braving the many split-up double page spreads on the online comic 

so yeah, cant wait!