#just dont ask me for the year pls
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conjectureand-gloom · 11 months ago
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ welcome! ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
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important information ⬎
alex
they/he/xe/it
non binary 💛🤍💜🖤
lesbian ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜
youreverydaydemikid -> conjectureand-gloom (15/01/24)
minor (february 8th)
multifandom
fanfiction writer
GMT +10:30
INFP-T
2w1
lyn lapid fan blog @tlit21c
i stand with palestine 🇵🇸
my new main account is @holesofmy-sweater
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links ⬎
my ao3
my spotify
my pinterest
my instagram (that i’m barely active on)
hamilton fanfic recommendations
2023 reflection post
fandom list, fanfiction request masterlist, written works, wips, asks, tags and mutuals under the cut
‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ fandom list ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
hamilton (feel free to request for any hamilton ship, i love them all so much, alexander is the absolute DREAM for a multishipper. alexander is my main target for angst! this is my main fandom)
jesus christ superstar (jesus/judas or jesus/judas/mary mainly for jcs, but feel free to ask for any other ships and i’ll consider it!! and no, i am not religious. i have been raised christian, but just ended up with religious trauma)
a good girls guide to murder (pipravi fluff and angst :) but i’ll so gladly write fics about sal and andie, or becca. ravi is my comfort character, and i just torture pip relentlessly)
nevermoor (personally i’m more of a cadence/morrigan girly, but fics for nevermoor will mainly be gen! i love found family, so jupiter & mog fluff or angst is my favourite)
in the heights (canon ships mainly, but feel free to ask for other ships! i’m not in the ITH fandom much, so these are going to be much more inaccurate)
newsies (again, more gen fics, but i do ship dave/jack. also i love angsty crutchie fics. this is one of my smaller fandoms, so these will be super inaccurate)
keeper of the lost cities (preferably marella/linh or tam/keefe! but again, feel free to ask for any ship!!)
hunger games (gen, preferably. but i’m team peeta in case anyone was wondering. fuck gale.)
maze runner (okay i haven’t read or seen TMR in ages but newt/thomas)
divergent (canon ships only. and no, christina/tobias is not canon.)
six (gen all the way. found family. also i love katherine howard angst over any other queen)
the song of achilles (achilles/patroclus? literally what other ship is there????? this is my favourite book)
wednesday (wednesday/enid. i feel like this requires no explanation. also. angst fics. i almost exclusively write angsty wednesday fics, rather than enid. i love the whole of the addams family, and i love familial hurt/comfort)
marauders (i’m not in the marauders fandom much at all, like i really only know the actual hp canon marauders. so.)
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ fanfic request rules ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
i’ll write for any fandom listed above, i love them all! however i am much more active in hamilton, agggtm, jcs, nevermoor and kotlc, so those fics will be much better than the other fandoms’ would be
i’ll write any genre other than smut, and angst/whump is my absolute favourite. any AUs you could think of, literally anything, i’m not picky!
i won’t write romanticised abuse, non/con, or anything like that. that’s not to say that my fics can’t have dark aspects, but i won’t romanticise any of that.
on that, i’m not going to write any non/con, romanticised or not
also, i won’t write omegaverse, nor will i write y/n or self insert fics. nothing wrong with those genres, i just don’t write them!
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ written works ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
It’s Only A Matter Of Time - A Hamilton Watches Hamilton Fic
i wish i could say that was the last time
call me son one more time
when they surround our troops
then a hurricane came
take a break
and his right hand man…
she was holding me
the great war
we got traffic on the west side
steal into my affections
the fact that you’re alive is a miracle
fools who run their mouths off wind up dead
my father wasn’t around
philip, you would like it uptown
i may not live to see our glory…
an outrageous demand
stay alive
my dear, angelica
to convince you that i love you
but this situation’s helpless
like mother, like daughter (agggtm)
“but now this room is spinning…”
“i’ll call out your name but you won’t call back”
“like crying out in empty rooms, with no one there except the moon”
me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me than it did you (gifted to @holes-in-my-false-confidence)
baby it’s cold outside
the entire exposé (inspired entirely off of @jittyjames’ fanfiction series ‘the price of his war’)
my world is burning (yet another fic based off of jami’s series ‘the price of his war’)
i’m sorry if any of these links are incorrect, i spent over an hour on just this section
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ wips ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
achilles, come down (last two works in series still need to be written)
je m’appelle… lafayette? (one chapter to go)
lams (taylor’s version) (a few chapters to go, unsure if it will be finished)
you’re the one who disappears (agggtm, unsure if it will be finished, or when)
judas’ death (jcs angst fanfiction)
untitled (hamil-gang liminal spaces au longfic thing idk)
febuwhump drabbles (possibly)
be my valentine challenge
so big/so small (so big/so small from deh but hamilton and his ma)
bloom like rose thorns (a longfic that may or may not ever be finished)
rewrite of ‘i wish i could say that was the last time’ and ‘call me son one more time’
baby don’t cut (lams angst based off of a song with the same name)
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ collaborations ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
fem!hamilton au with @jittyjames and @firebalda
if anybody is interested in collabing at all, please hit me up!! i love writing with other people!!!!
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ asks ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
please send me any asks at all!!! and also please put fic requests in my ask box, i did say that i would have your request out in 6 months, but i have had one sitting in there for over a year (sorry jami.) but um. i promise im trying to get better at that
also, feel free to ask for fic recommendations!!!! i’ve linked a post earlier in this post with a huge list, but it’s not fully updated with some more recent fics :)
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‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ tags ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
asks- all the asks ive answered, these are also tagged with the url of the blog, or with anon dearest if it was an anon ask
akeyla ml- posts about/with my incredible incredible partner @holes-in-my-false-confidence who i love so much ❤❤❤❤❤❤
tag games- self explanatory, tag games :)
sleep is overrated- me trying to fix my sleep schedule in 2024
personal- personal vent posts. please block this tag, i have had someone unfollow me before because of these posts :)
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₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ mooties ‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧
@jittyjames
@like-the-stars-i-shine (irl friend for 5 years now)
@holes-in-my-false-confidence (my partner, irl <33333)
@felizusnavidad
@weeping-in-the-willows
@swiftieannah
@the1laff
@anixknowsnothin
@purpleblobfrompluto
@starduckys
@now-thats-his-bride
@kwilooo
@evilteapot (irl friend)
@my-dear-gal
@idontwanttobeabuzzkill
@mynightsoutofsight
@cc-horan28
i have more mutuals, but this is everybody who i interact with more often and i actually consider to be my friend. if anybody wants to ever message me or actually become friends with me, please do!!!! i love talking to you guys, please message me, i promise im not scary <333
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spaciebabie · 1 year ago
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"but spacie, i have no followers why should i reblog things" let me answer this question using myself, a person who has been using tumblr for almost a decade now, as an example. pre 2022 the most followers i ever had was like 125. most of them were dead blogs. killed in the porn ban or just people who had left for whatever reason. out of the people left who were still active, i had like 3 people at the most interact with my blog on a monthly basis. for years b4 this, i had ZERO FOLLOWERS but upon making my blog i saw all the other ppl who had been using this website longer than me talking abt how important it was ta reblog shit, and throughout all these years on tumblr, even when i had no followers i reblogged things. b/c i understood that it was integral ta the way this site functions.
now mind you, just b/c i had no followers didn't mean ppl wouldn't stop by and reblog things from my blog. every couple months id have a new person find me and reblog something. maybe they'd reblog a lot of stuff! the point is that id go months without any interaction at times and i STILL reblogged things because i knew people could find me and see something they liked on here. eventually people who frequently checked my blog ta see what i would reblog followed me!! im sure there’s ppl who dont follow me that ta this day who still reblog the stuff on here!! the point is that it genuinely doesnt matter how many followers you have. sure, it certainly helps, but ppl can still find and interact with the things on your blog without you having thousands or even hundreds of followers. so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reblog things.
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a-little-artsy · 2 months ago
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i didnt mean for it to turn out this way lol i just wanted to draw them in costumes but ok!!k!
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bedforddanes75 · 4 months ago
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do you have any fanfiction recs??
I DO!!!!!! im honoured that someone's thought of Me to ask for recs omg... anyway theyll be under the cut because making long posts without a cut makes me feel mean
okay im assuming u mean gatty cos. its Me so sorry if u didnt 😞 smut is marked with * btw!!! (also before i start i'm sorry to everyone i tag i Hate tagging it's really scary.) SO. in no specific order. let's go
love me to death* by...somebody who i do not know the tumblr of (sorry) is amazing. i'd also recommend everything else by this person, too, because all of it is beautiful.
all the king's horses by the wonderful @allylikethecat is one of my all time faves, it just makes me want to scream and cry and yell and jump up and down. in a very, very good way!! (also, it has horses, so.)
the big light by @betweenthings2 is for real godsent, and i would die to be able to write like this!!!!! (but if u do then tw for speak of s/a!! keep urself safe!) it's beautiful and sad and sad and sad and wonderful. again, i'd recommend everything else by them, too!!! (also loads of crisps because it got updated like three seconds ago, and i Love It)
in the search for it, inside of you* by @arainesque is so beautifully sad, and the best thing ever. it's so soft and wonderful and lovely and aaaaaahhh!!! the way she wrote their dynamic makes my heart ACHE. obsessed always :(((((<3
how little i really know (about the things that matter)* OH MY GOD. farm boy george. literally almost entirely what inspired deus like it's AMAZING. beautiful and i love it so much
roadkill, again, by @betweenthings2 because she's genuinely amazing and deserves nine hundred thousand billion kudos on every single fic <3 (tw for restrictive (i think) EDs btw!!) i think if i read this while not in a good mood i would explode and die. it's amazing
into my spiral patterns you (my love) by @lookedlikethebins which is in progress rn is HWHSKJSJSJ. beautiful. obsessed with how they've written george in this one <3
okay im Very sorry to everyone who i tagged here i genuinely hate tagging people so much it makes me SICK but i kinda felt bad speaking about fics and Not tagging people. LORD. someone give me a tumblr etiquette class
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hermitcraftx · 3 months ago
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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ifindus · 1 year ago
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Late nights thoughts, but I need to know!
In other countries, when you ask someone for their age, is it common for them to reply with or add right after, the year they were born in?
For example: «oh, I’m 99 (nini/ninenine)» or «yes I’m a 00 (nullnull/zerozero), so 22/23 years old» or «I’m 34. 89-model (åttinimodell/eightynine-model)»
I need to know of other countires do this. Or if Norwegians disagree with me and I’m just imagining it 😅😅😅
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rosicheeks · 7 months ago
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Kink rating: double penetration?
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
Send me a kink and I’ll rate it 😝
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 3 months ago
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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semiotomatics · 24 days ago
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one more guttural anguished scream and then im gone
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coridallasmultipass · 7 months ago
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Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)
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So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.
Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.
The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)
It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.
Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)
Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.
So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)
#unrelated but if you need me to tag something else ill try and accommodate it#im just not differentiating all the stridercest ships in tags its not possible the artists dont always make the distinction known#im still tagging shit ppl asked me to in 2012 and i dont think ive seen them interact with me in years lmao#if i miss a tag on something u can dm me sometimes i forget to tag hs on things bc in trying to tag all the characters in a group#id rather over-tag something than under-tag it since this function is available on this site#i should make a pinned post or something explaining my other tags honestly but i dont think enough people care#its just ughhh its prob gonna take pc use to navigate my official about me page. which is an ordeal because i cant click to it...#...without using a mouse and my mouse doesnt reach to my couch where i usually use my pc#i hate that about mes have been made obsolete by pinned posts and the inability to see blog themes on mobile or by the share link#wouldve been nice if they made the option to put a button to the about me page accessible to mobile users#havent been able to update mine in a while ider whats on there besides highlights of my blogs#anyway i got irl shit to do rn i spent way too much time explaining all this ugh it takes me so long to type anything#Cori.exe#Post.exe#im about to have like the worst week of my life btw pls send prayers that i can physically attend all the appointments i have this week#i can hardly lift a cup of water to my mouth im in so much fucking pain and its humiliating and miserable#its not even the endo this time its my back and idk what triggered it. must have been built up bc of all the stress i put on it...#...over the past like 3 weeks of doing backbreaking activities that needed to be done. i hate this so much lol
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adwox · 2 years ago
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does anybody have any songs and/or albums they associate with X... asking for a friend
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goldenhour-s · 1 year ago
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the way i wish my game was in english so i could do cute gameplay posts using its notifications etc. 💔
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fiendishartist2 · 9 months ago
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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agayconcept · 2 years ago
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GUESS WHO JUST GOT APPROVED FOR DISABILITY !!!!!!!!!
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thiefbird · 2 years ago
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OK, controversial opinion here but:
Morbius isn't any worse than your average MCU movie, and I don't get why people memed on it so hard
Was it good? No
Am i actively mad that it's the same universe as my favorite currently active comic book movies(Venom)? Yes
Is it a worse movie than anything shat out en mass by Disney? I don't think so and I don't get why MCU people clowned so hard on it
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asiancyborg · 1 year ago
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do u guys kno. just how much i screwed myself over
#BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE NORMAL?????#listen. listen. i could have just. asked to take two weeks off when i first got the job. but i was scared they wouldn't give me the job#if i told them right off the bat#and so i waited a decent amount of time to tell them. and then i was going to tell them. but i got scared thinking that they might fire me#or it would reflect badly on me and i haven't had the job for even 3 months yet and i have a performance review at the end of the 3 months#and the thing i am scared of most in the world is when people who are in positions of authority over me express disapproval#so i was just like. ok i guess i'm not going on this trip that's been planned for over a year and for my grandmas 80th#i will just be so sad and miserable about it and make it everyone else's problem#and then. and then. finally. 2 weeks left until everyone leaves for the trip and i finally bring it up to my coworkers being like#oh yea my whole entire family is going on a big trip without me and i'm rlly sad that i can't go#and they looked at me like. why cant u go? and i was like. what do u mean? cuz i'm new i don't have rights#and they were like. what is wrong with u#and i looked at them and said literally everything#listennnn there is a corporate heirarchy and i am at the bottom of the ladder#i know my place and i'm so used to groveling and begging oh my god i need to get a grip pls#am i normal#please tell me cuz i can't tell is. it normal to be this scared and frightened all the time#like. am i the only one who thinks this way.
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