#just disrespects her and sees her as an obstacle/inconvenience

[velvet-games]

this was probably obvious to everyone else, but I just realized alastor probably hates vaggie because she gets in the way of him taking advantage of charlie's (perceived) naivete. vaggie's onto his bullshit constantly and he immediately pounces as soon as they have a conflict (charlie finding out about vaggie being an angel); if charlie's too upset at vaggie to care about her judgment, then a deal can be made.

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.1}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend… and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.4k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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There was a major difference in the way Robin approached this summer break in contrast to the last years. The dread that usually overcame her even before she stepped onto the train back to London was still very much present and accompanied by a deep sadness at the prospect of not being able to have coffee with Snape every night, but she didn’t feel quite as desperate about the length of the break. This year, she actually had something to look forward to.

It had come as a surprise on her last evening at school, when she had been talking to Snape about summer plans, that he had handed her a letter that had originally been addressed to him. At first Robin had been understandably confused why he’d given it to her, but after a moment of explanation, things had started to make sense. It was an invitation to a one-day conference in London, taking place two weeks into the holidays. According to him, it was an ‘insignificant’ event with a series of lectures and discussions about anything related to the overall subject of potion making. While the invitation was meant for Snape himself, he had made it rather clear that he had no interest in attending and thus wanted to give Robin the opportunity to listen to some of the lectures if she cared to go in his place. Obviously she’d been absolutely delighted by the possibility, and assured him that she would do her very best to lay low and make a good impression for once. He’d told her where to be on which day, then spoken a brief warning about some people he couldn’t stand but who likely would be attending, and at last they had changed the topic, talking about the book Robin had just finished that day.

On the train ride home the next day however, she had wondered if he really didn’t want to attend or if he merely wanted to give her the chance to go in his place, but seeing as she couldn’t answer that question, she had let it go after a while of pondering. But she did take pride in the fact that he obviously believed she would understand whatever would be talked about at this conference, and even more that he trusted her to not embarrass him in his absence. She would definitely try to learn as much as possible from this event, and be noticed as little as possible in return.

The two weeks until the anticipated day passed by slowly, but with something to look forward to, it wasn’t quite as dreadful as wishing and waiting for the end of the holidays already. Robin did actually end up telling her parents about the conference a few days before it would take place, and they seemed rather delighted about the fact that Robin was indulging in the same kind of academic endeavours they themselves thrived in so much. To be honest, Robin had merely told them because spending the entire day in London meant that she would be home very late if she took the train after the last lecture would be over, and she didn’t want them to worry. They however seemed fairly unbothered by the fact that their daughter would be out and about in the middle of the night, and Robin gave up on trying to get them to take interest in her person as much as they did in her 'career’. Thus they merely talked about proper behavior at an event like this, how to ask questions without being rude or make suggestions without sounding braggy, and Robin did in fact appreciate the advice for once. Who knew… maybe it applied to the wizarding world just as much as to the muggle world.

When the day finally arrived, Robin was nervous and delighted at once. Seeing as she would indeed have to stick to public transportation like the muggle she was pretending to be during the holidays, she opted for a more mundane choice of outfit too. Still, she wanted to make a good impression, and thus she chose to wear dressier clothes for once, which turned out more of a challenge than anticipated, due to an underwhelming amount of options. Eventually she ended up with a black, high waisted tube skirt that ended a little higher than a hand’s width above her knees, and an olive green blouse with long bishop sleeves which she tugged into the skirt. Paired with some dressy flats and her usual leather backpack, Robin deemed it fancy enough. Her mom also gave her approval, calling it 'appropriate enough’ for someone Robin’s age, and thus she was off to London even before it had properly started to dawn.

Finding the place where the conference would take place was actually easier than she had expected, especially if one considered that she had to rely on an ordinary, non-magical street map of London to find the correct building. This rule forbidding underage magic outside of Hogwarts was bullshit, in her eyes, but she also figured that not everyone was being as responsible with their magic as she was… so it maybe did make sense for some people. After finding the right building however, the next obstacle was being allowed in.

“Can I help you?” The first person she tried to simply walk past, once inside the entrance hall, already stepped into her path.

“I have an invitation for the conference.” Robin replied as self-assuredly as she could, portraying nothing but calmness on the outside while yet on the inside she felt rather overwhelmed by the whole thing. Too many people, too many strangers especially, and in addition to that a place she wasn’t familiar with and a situation nobody believed she belonged into. Great…

“May I see it, please?” At least the man was polite, even if a bit too condescending for Robin’s liking. Without protesting though, she grabbed the invitation card out of her backpack and held it under his nose with an indifferent expression.

“I apologise for the inconvenience, Miss. The conference room is on the third floor. Just follow the signs and you should find it with ease.” He said after but a brief glimpse at the paper, and stepped out of Robin’s way while pointing her to the staircase.

It really was beyond easy to find the correct room by following the signs, but before she even could set foot into it, she was held up yet again by a man sitting at a table in front of the room.

“Good morning.” Robin actually addressed him first, with a polite smile, as she came to stand in front of the table. Somehow she had rather hoped that she could just sneak into this like she had done in some lectures at university in the past years… but obviously that wasn’t the case.

“How can I help you, Missy?” The older man raised his eyebrows at her with a small smile, and Robin found herself conflicted by his disrespectful way of addressing her in contrast to his kind face.

“I am here for the conference.” She stated calmly though, and handed the invite to the man in front of her.

His eyebrows rose even higher as he read over the card, before he finally turned back to Robin with a surprised face. “What does a lass like you have to do with Severus Snape? You surely know that this is his invite, don’t you?”

“Of course I am aware of that.” She bit down the snarl and kept her tone polite and neutral like the adult she was trying to be here. “I’m his… friend. He couldn’t attend and therefore sent me in his place.” There was no need to tell him that Snape had called them an old bunch of idiots and hadn’t wanted to come here because it would bore him out of his mind, was there? No, certainly not.

“From what’s said about him, he doesn’t have a lot of friends I believe.” The man mused, but handed the paper back to Robin with a smile nonetheless. “Well, he still seems to have a decent taste in people if he sent you here today, huh? What’s your name? For the list of attendees, and the name tag.”

Robin almost would’ve snorted at the statement… Snape and good with people? Best joke she’d heard in weeks. But at least she wasn’t questioned any more than that. She would’ve hated to elaborate on her 'friendship’ with her professor. One sided as it was, especially…

“Robin Mitchell.” She answered with a small smile, and a moment later accepted the sticky tag he was holding out to her. Without questioning why it only read her last name, she stuck it onto her blouse a little below her collar bone, and then was granted entrance to the room at last.

If she’d had any hope to just not be noticed before, it definitely was gone by now. The room was crowded with wizards of all shapes and sizes, mostly of the older generations, and Robin spotted exactly two females other than herself. Age and gender… first things that drew quite a few eyes to her. But then there also was the small but very obvious fact that she was the only one not wearing robes. Hell, even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t have sat in the train for two hours looking like a kid dressed up for Halloween and not panic. Well… she could’ve changed once she got here. Too late for that idea now.

Many eyes followed her indeed as she walked across the room to sit down as far to the back as possible. At least there were many people scattered around the room, chatting and laughing currently; surely they would just forget that Robin was here at some point. Hopefully, if they didn’t ignore her, these people would actually treat her with some professionalism at least, even if she looked like she could be their grandchild. Well, at least she got why Snape had called them a bunch of old idiots now.

After her initial discomfort, the situation improved (fairly little at first) once the actual event began. Robin tried to somewhat keep up with the smalltalk the man next to her was trying to make, but he ended up spending more time staring at her mostly bare legs than listening to what she said in return, so she eventually just gave up on trying to converse in the first place. The lectures however were well worth the trouble, as Robin discovered, and she took plenty of notes about anything that seemed interested or useful to remember. In fact, she did understand most of what was said and even recognized a lot of it from her extensive readings. Events like this generally seemed to function more by knowledge than by experience, and Robin had theoretical knowledge in the plenty. Thus she actually had a pretty good time for the majority of the lectures, as it allowed her to completely ignore the fact that other people were present in the same room.

Only when they took a break at noon, she was approached by some people who probably only wanted to be kind and involve her in the conversation, which however served to make Robin feel rather nervous in the beginning. They asked her about her young age, of course, and she tried to politely convince them that intelligence wasn’t a matter of age, and neither was passion for a subject. At least the lunch break was spent with conversation this way, rather than awkward silence, and Robin actually found herself enjoying the polite and professional conversations they engaged in soon. Throughout the talking she got involved in however, she tried to share as little information about herself and her knowledge about potions as possible, for she feared that she would only embarrass herself anyway if she said something wrong. She was here to listen, not to talk.

That however changed drastically in the afternoon. After one particularly long lecture about medical potions and strategies of use, the following discussion was a furnace of opinions and arguments. Robin merely listened to the many arguments and counterarguments in silence, just as she’d been doing for the past few hours, and kept her own thoughts to herself. That worked rather well for her, right until the man who had held the lecture in the first place, Kenneth Crowe, said something undeniably wrong and everybody in the room seemed to agree with him. Instantly the desire to at least ask about it jumped to the very front of Robin’s mind, but she bit the insides of her cheeks to stay quiet. It wasn’t her place to say anything at all, and definitely not to correct a well renowned professional in the field. But it was such an obvious mistake… such a stupid but important little detail. And leaving it in the wrong might actually result in very much real consequences for people, especially in the medical field. 

Crowe had introduced a new kind of healing potion in his lecture, a revolutionary invention of his that might cure yet untreatable curses… and Robin believed to know that it wouldn’t work. At least not in the way he was suggesting. Bloody hell, she just wanted to tell them, but she was also desperately scared to say something stupid. It wasn’t her place to speak up, it wasn’t her goddamn place to doubt these people!!! But the knowledge that she might be right sufficed to torture her mind more with every second she didn’t at least voice the doubt. At last Robin’s mind won over her churning stomach and racing heart. She raised her hand, was called on almost immediately, and after one deep and shaky breath, she started explaining to a room full of professionals why they were wrong about the subject.

“I… would like to ask a question.” She started, hoping that her criticism wouldn’t come off as such if she phrased it this way. “You, uh… You stated that the petals of the Varilion flower are a key ingredient, and so is the essence of Canticor, yes?”

“Yes. And?” Crowe looked down at Robin from his pedestal with a humored, but undeniably deriding smile. He probably thought that she didn’t even understand a word of what they were currently dealing with… oh, how wrong he was. A bit of the reluctance to possibly insult this man fell off Robin’s mind at the stupid look on his face alone, and she decided to continue more directly.

“I just wanted to be sure I didn’t misunderstand you.” She replied with a polite little smile that was born out of her newly arising wish to wipe his own smile off his stupid face. “Because as far as I’m aware, Varilion –as a plant in the family of nocturnal vinca breeds– would very likely cancel out the effects of the Canticor which are needed here. Without the Canticor however, the entire product would likely be unstable and thus lacking the functionality you have described.”

“That’s ridiculous, I tested the potion myself and it was perfectly stable. You shouldn’t make assumptions like that without prior knowledge of the subject, child. This potion will be perfectly stable.” He almost snapped back, and a few people frowned at his admittedly harsh reply. Robin didn’t let it impress her at all; she was just getting started. Somehow, now that the dam was broken, she really didn’t mind speaking up all that much anymore.

“Well, it is stable if the potion is made in a common testing quantity as opposed to an average production size. If one would try to make a sufficient amount of it in order to be able to give it to a human being with the desired healing result, one would run into severe problems, seeing as the Varilion and the Canticor start canceling each other out at an amount that is way smaller than what would be needed indeed. Thus it is not possible to use this formula to even make enough of the potion for one single person. Which, in return, renders the potion quite useless.” People stared at Robin with all kinds of mixed and shocked expressions as she spoke, some whispering and turning pages, but she used the opportunity of having the word already to lean just a bit further out of what she had thought to be her place. “However, seeing as the core problem is merely the radically dominating nature of the vinca breed in the Varilion, I would suggest replacing it with Plangentine. As another nocturnal flower with almost the same properties, as far as I’m aware, it might make a functional replacement even in larger quantities. But that, of course, is only my humble opinion. Thank you.”

With that she shut her mouth, leaned back in her chair, and observed how about thirty jaws dropped. Geez, it was hard not to smirk. This really shouldn’t be so much fun… What she had done wasn’t exactly considered polite, even if she had phrased it politely. Her parents would be disappointed. Snape however would likely be proud. Robin decided to focus on the latter.

For the long moment that followed, nobody said anything at all, and people merely seemed to think about what Robin had suggested. When the discussion was finally continued however, every single person who contributed something spoke in favor of Robin’s opinion or at least seemed to accept it as correct. Thank goodness… she would’ve hated to feel so smug and then be proven wrong. Thus, seeing as she had done her part in voicing her doubt and wiping the stupid smile off the man’s face, Robin went back to simply listening to what was said, and meanwhile noted down the discussed healing potion in her journal, with her own suggested change. She’d have to ask Snape about it when she went back to school. Maybe they could even test it, for fun.

The rest of the afternoon flew by just as the morning had, but with significantly more glances at Robin. One time she was even directly asked for her opinion on something, which freaked her out quite a bit on the inside at least, but she still was able to give a reply everyone seemed to be accepting as a contribution as valuable as any other person’s. Maybe she had finally gotten herself out of the grandchild box in their minds after all.

After the last lecture was over, fairly late in the evening, the entire group of attendees was asked to come to the podium to pose for a photograph. At first, Robin had respectfully stepped aside to let the real attendees take the stage, but upon multiple people insisting that she had played an important role in this meeting, she had found herself among the group as well. Right in the front. Definitely not as subtle as she’d planned to be today, but seeing as she was a good head shorter than almost everyone else, it did actually make sense to put her up front. Once all pictures were taken, Robin planned to head home, but she was quickly (and more or less against her will) pulled into a discussion about the very same healing potion once more. Now, in a smaller group of far less hostile people, she felt more comfortable with repeating her suggestion and explaining how she had gotten to the realization in the first place. Many people asked for her name, her age, her profession… and some went even further and asked for her opinion on all kinds of topics related to potions and even herbology. Robin did her best to answer with knowledge and educated guesses, but seeing as she was actually taken seriously by the people who bothered to talk to her in the first place, she also didn’t hesitate to say when she didn’t know about something. In those latter cases, she asked the person she was speaking to for suggestions on books or articles on the topic, so that she could one day maybe answer their question on a more profound basis. Finally, some time after eleven at night, she made for the train back to Oxford with a long list of things to read up on, and an even longer one of people she had left an impression with.

… … …

The days after the conference were as dreadful as the summer usually was, and any opportunity to make something out of the free time stayed ridiculously absent. Thus Robin was bored out of her mind even more quickly than usual, therefore spent more time reading than likely was good for her, and generally found herself desperately wishing to be able to return to school already. Every bit the usual summer.

After two weeks of this mind numbing madness however, Robin’s days became a little more bearable with an unexpected turn of events. She was sitting at breakfast, her parents about to leave for the day, when her mom came back into the kitchen to hand Robin a letter, saying it looked like her friends from school had finally thought of her after all. Robin didn’t have the heart nor the time to tell her that she didn’t even have friends, so she just took the letter out of her mom’s hand with a quiet thank you, shrugged at the question who it was from and merely tossed it onto a stack of books in feigned indifference. Then she wished her mom and dad a nice day at work, and continued to sip on her black coffee.

However, the very second the front door fell shut and the house silent in return, Robin had the letter in her hands again and flipped it over to see her name written on the envelope in the familiar spidery cursive she’d missed seeing in the past few weeks. Her heart skipped a beat, and she didn’t know if she should be scared or excited about this letter. Both, probably. Without wasting another second, she opened the envelope with a kitchen knife and fiddled a folded piece of parchment out of it. Yup, definitely scared and excited at once. But if she was in trouble, it surely would’ve been an official school letter, right? Not just an average envelope with nothing but her name on it… bloody hell, her heartbeat was louder than the silence around her. With a deep breath, she unfolded the letter at last.

Miss Mitchell.

You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the main answer to that in the envelope with this letter.

Robin stopped reading at that point and took another look into the envelope she had carelessly dropped onto the counter. There was another piece of paper in it, folded in half as well, but Robin could already tell by the look of it that it was a newspaper cutout. Once she unfolded it, she found herself both smiling and feeling too warm in the face at once. It was the photograph that had been taken at the conference, with a short article beneath it. It was nothing special, just a little text about how many people had attended and which topics had been discussed, and thus Robin found herself looking at the moving photograph for a longer moment instead. Really, she’d known that she had somewhat stood out from the crowd, but the picture made it undeniably evident. About fifty much older people in thick and flowing robes and with the most serious faces, and Robin right in the middle with her short skirt, victorian style blouse and a small smile. Oh dear… she almost dreaded going back to Snape’s letter. He surely would be complaining about her choice of clothes, but she honestly hadn’t known better. Her attire would’ve been perfectly ordinary in the muggle world. Oh well… at least the photograph was a lovely reminder of the admittedly amazing day she’d had at the conference. Careful not to crease the picture any more than the folds it already had, she put it into her most recent journal and then finally went back to the letter.

Miss Mitchell.

You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the answer to that in the envelope together with this letter. The picture was published in the Daily Prophet the day after the conference. This cutout was sent to me a few days later, by an acquaintance who you should have met at the event, Patrick Isaac. I assume you are not keeping up with the news, not with the Prophet at least, which is why I decided to forward the picture to you directly. Perhaps you would like to keep the cutout, you certainly have more use for it than I do.

Furthermore it might interest you to know that Mister Isaac, together with the picture, sent me a fairly long letter to gush over a certain young witch by the name of Robin Mitchell who attended the conference with him and who obviously was rumored to be a friend of mine. I will spare you the details of his disconcertingly detailed elaborations, but overall it appears that you have earned yourself quite a few admirers among the attendees, if the other six letters that I have received in your praise are any indicator of that. It seems that you have surprised me yet again, which indeed does not surprise me at all.

However I still would like to know more about the 'remarkable incident’ involving a certain new potion that was discussed. Multiple people reference it in the context of your astonishing intellect, yet without ever elaborating on the issue. What did you do this time that rendered competent professionals quite so speechless? I expect your timely reply, seeing as you do not have further plans for the summer anyway.

Snape

Robin frowned at the last few lines, then sighed to herself and dropped the letter on the counter to make another cup of coffee first. Well, at least writing a letter would give her something to do. And writing a letter to Snape would give her something enjoyable to do indeed. A smile spread on her lips as she set the kettle on the stove. He could’ve waited until after the holidays to give her the clipping, and even to ask her about the conference, but he had sent a letter instead and that made Robin smile even more. Maybe, in some reality, he actually enjoyed talking to her too. Seriously enjoyed it, that is, not just because she kept on talking to him first. Once the kettle whistled, she added the boiling water to her instant coffee and then balanced the letter, the envelope, her book, her journal AND the coffee mug up the stairs and towards the desk in her room. She had a letter to write after all.

… … …

Robin received the next letter three weeks after she had written to Snape about her experiences at the conference. She’d been careful in her explanations to always leave some things unsaid so she would have something to tell him in person, but she had elaborated on the conversations she’d had with people he might possibly know.

This time his letter was dropped off by an owl on a Sunday evening, which almost gave Robin’s dad a seizure when the poor animal landed on the windowsill next to his armchair. Somehow muggles just couldn’t get used to the post being delivered by owls… People have used pigeons to deliver messages for decades; what was so weird about owls now?!

“Oh look, it has the same illegible handwriting on it as the last one.” Her mom smiled as she picked up the envelope that again just had Robin’s name written on it. “How come your friend didn’t write to you in the last years?”

“We, uh… we’ve only been friends since rather recently.” Robin replied evasively and snatched the envelope out of her mother’s hand. “And his handwriting isn’t illegible! It’s just… kinda squiggly.”

“If you say so, sweetie.” Her mom shrugged, and turned back towards the living room. “You must have a lot of practice deciphering his handwriting if you find it legible.”

“We work together. A lot.” Robin mused and thumbed over the rough corners of the envelope. “On… essays.”

“Well, if I had to grade his essays, he surely wouldn’t come very far.” Her dad replied with a snarky expression while he didn’t even look up from his book. “I’m surprised that you write essays in that school in the first place. Not just bunnies in top hats then, huh?”

“You are who wouldn’t come very far.” Robin whispered to herself with a roll of her eyes as she made for her room with her letter still clasped tightly in hand, not even honoring her father’s remark with a reply. Honestly, her dad wouldn’t understand a single word about anything magical at all, seeing as he made every attempt not to, nor would he ever understand that she wasn’t attending a clown’s college but a serious magical academy. And… oh bloody hell, he would probably hate Snape with a passion. Well, good thing they never had to meet. Hopefully. Unfortunately. Ugh… that crush of hers wasn’t getting any better, rather on the opposite. But she usually could ignore it pretty well these days.

With a sigh she sat down on the carpeted floor, leaning against the post of her bed as she opened the envelope at last. This letter was a lot shorter than the first, but she didn’t mind. The sole fact that he had replied even though he didn’t have to was enough to make her skin crawl in excitement.

Miss Mitchell.

I cannot believe that you told off one of the best renowned potioneers in the country, and obviously were in the right to do so. What I would give to have been a witness of the incident indeed; I have always had a rather strong distaste for that man. You will need to tell me more on the specifics of the circumstances once term starts.

Furthermore I have come to the decision that I would like you to assist me in my practical work and studies from now, seeing as I deem any other mode of teaching you insufficient and thus pointless. Your knowledge is already on an acceptable level, as you have once more proven at the conference, and I believe it is time that your practical capabilities keep up with both my standards for your work and your own. You will assist me in my work, and in return I will do my best to teach you everything I possibly can. Seeing as you have run out of books of mine to read, I believe this addition to our already prevalent nightly meetings to be in your best interest as well. I am looking forward to the new term.

Snape

Seconds ticked by and Robin stared at the letter in her hands with a positive numbness, until at last her lips curled into a smile, then a grin, and at last she felt an overwhelming excitement at the opportunity that had just opened up in front of her. Well, and the fact that he had in all seriousness written 'already prevalent nightly meetings’ without any care in the world. It was amazing how absolutely serious and yet casual he was about it. A pleasant shudder ran up Robin’s spine, all the way into her neck. He couldn’t mind her presence all that much if he suggested her to spend even more time perched into the minimal space of the laboratory with him, could he?

She had been helping out in the lab on a few occasions since their endeavour with the restored page in her third year, but it by far hadn’t been a regular thing nor one that could be described as real practical experience. While she’d been desperately wanting and wishing to do this kind of practical work with Snape again, for a multitude of reasons, she had never actually believed that she might. And now she would. God, she couldn’t wait for the holidays to be over already.

______________________________

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[mego42]

Heyyyy, can we get a snippet of the monster fic?? Please🥺

ahahahahaha of course!!!! i keep being like omg i’m gonna post the whole fic but then i look at the doc and it’s still stupid long so. that said, it is getting trickier to find snippets without context or that don’t spoil key beats so this is probs the last one i’ll drop before i post it assuming i stay on track to post this week and don’t end up rewriting chunks of it to make it even angstier.

but! in the meantime, enjoy this (short, sorry) snippet! 

(a little bit of a warning for a v brief fantasy that could be violent or sexy depending on how you read it)

Settling in, Rio sprawls across the bench in a disrespectful slouch nearly as much of a habit as it is for show. The basement's warm—it'd have to be, to get everyone comfortable with taking their clothes off—but he's not about to take his coat off and give Daniel the idea they're staying any longer than they have to. 

He resists groaning aloud when Elizabeth pulls hers off before sitting down, bending forward as she folds it neatly beside her, arranging it like a wall between them. The angle gives him an uninterrupted view down another one of them goddamn v-necks where the long line of her neck gives way to creamy skin and lush curves.

Clearing his throat, Rio spreads his legs a little to give himself some room. 

He never should've brought her here. Never should’ve played this particular game with her. 

But that’s the problem with Elizabeth. He gets so fuckin' twisted up in her, he ends up doing dumb shit just to see what she'll do. And look where it gets him every fuckin’ time.  

The bitter, caustic flavor of the thought ain’t new. Rio knows the exact shape of it in his mouth. He’s mapped its nooks and crannies time and time again, first holed up in that hospital bed, then the hotel, most recently the holding cell. It’s there every time he runs into some new obstacle, some new inconvenience, has to make a new concession. It's a tune he could sing without prompting because at this point he knows it by heart.  

She drops down on the bench next to him, swaying slightly towards him when she lands and the faintest hint of her perfume washes over him.

What is new is the way his fingers jerk, propelled by the urge to grab her, to yank her hair back and expose her throat, to wrap around the curve of that graceful neck, his thumb finding her beating pulse, ring finger trailing over that delicate collarbone and—

His skin feels too tight, too sensitive. His coat's a lead weight, dragging him down. The chain around his neck catches and digs in when he shifts, dragging the medallion across his chest, and the cool shock is enough to snap Rio out of whatever the fuck fantasy he was fallin' into. 

An uneasy static prickles across the back of his neck. Stayin’ focused isn’t usually his issue.

[proudgodot]

Gratitude

I was not initially planning to post about this, given that my unfortunate tendency to over-share has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past, but the truth is that I simply couldn’t resist this time. Typically when I am overcome by an uncontrollable desire to post it is because I am desperately in need of attention or validation, so much so that I can’t actually remember a time when I posted because I was genuinely eager to share something. It was always out of some perverse and misplaced sense of obligation, but it finally feels as if that burden is lifted. While I was writing this post, it was because I felt a genuine…. pride over something I had accomplished, something I genuinely wanted to share with the world. When I chose the name of this blog I didn’t earnestly expect that I would ever feel anything other than shame about myself… it seemed more an ideal than an actual plausible prediction. I’m just so relieved my wish came true.

Anyway, I suppose that is quite enough navel-gazing for the time being… I can only imagine my followers have probably had enough of that to last a long and fulfilling lifetime. I reckon it’s time to move on to the actual story.

As most of you well know, following the dramatic events of the Kristahlia drama, I suddenly found myself with the new responsibility of parenthood. There are certainly aspects of my new lifestyle that have been difficult to adjust to… principle of which is that I am supposed to serve as a sort of role model for these developing and damaged boys. I have never been particularly aspirational, in fact you would be hard-pressed to find someone as underperforming as me. Although I was prone to overcompensating for such things, always desperately trying to prove that I was capable of as much as the bare minimum, looking back I see that I grew too comfortable with those low expectations. When it registered that as a caretaker I would suddenly have to perform a sort of excellence, not for the sake of my fragile ego but for the betterment of these children… I was immediately overcome by a painful inadequacy. However, as our first week together progressed, I came to realize that in certain regards all of us were personally inadequate, and it was for that very reason we had taken on this responsibility together. Although I certainly had my short-comings, that wasn’t something unique to me, and over time we all began to coordinate better and help manage each other’s weaknesses. I was somewhat surprised to learn this was not only true of the adults, but the children as well. The dynamic we developed as a family was rather symbiotic… I found that regardless of age we all had something to offer each other.

Regardless, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my found family as distant as possible from my most severe personal issues. My past was something I felt I had to resolve independently, no matter how tempting it was to once again depend on the people in my life to solve my problems in my stead. That is why when I made the decision to start looking into Anton’s whereabouts, I never spoke a word about it to my housemates.

Facebook made finding his account incredibly easy, distressingly so in fact. I became acutely aware of the possibility that he might have been recommended my account numerous times over the years and had consciously chosen not to send me a friend request, which although completely understandable still hurt immensely to imagine. Perhaps my hopelessly romantic dream to reconnect with the man was unrequited, and would be rejected with extreme prejudice if vocalized. Eventually, however, I managed to muster up the courage to actually inspect his profile. I discovered that after our quarrel six years ago and his subsequent transferral Anton had moved back to his hometown in Ann Arbor to complete his degree in art and design. Since graduating, he had been working as a freelance artist and animator… he often posted about how proud of his projects he was, and it was reassuring to see his enthusiasm had not diminished in the slightest over the years. One detail about his profile that immediately jumped out at me was his relationship status, which was currently set to single. Despite myself, I immediately felt a small flicker of hope ignite within my quickened heart. Upon further investigation, it appeared he’d been involved in several relationships over the years that had ultimately ended in failure, although the circumstances were unclear. I only hoped he hadn’t made a habit of dating unappreciative losers…

I managed to quell my anxiety briefly and force myself to send him a friend request, which almost immediately filled me with a sense of mounting dread. My anticipation wasn’t even allowed much time to simmer, because mere minutes after I sent the message I was notified that it had been accepted. Instinctively, I slammed my laptop shut and jumped out of my seat, forgetting that I was incapable of standing up so quickly without losing all feeling in my legs and face planting into the floor. I instantly regretted not taking Addy’s advice and getting that checked by a doctor, because soon enough the entire family was in my room gathered around my body and asking questions with varying degrees of concern and amusement. Although I had wanted to keep my activity a secret, at that moment I was swept away in the drama, and so I began to mindlessly rant about the situation.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but soon enough there were six pairs of hands all frantically scrambling for control of my keyboard. While I laid incapacitated on the floor, my friends had taken it upon themselves to respond to Anton’s messages, each expressing their own thoughts from my account in randomly alternating orders depending on who had managed to prevail in the wrestling. It seemed that Iara maintained the upper hand most of the fight, although it was admittedly difficult to tell over the frenzy at times considering my limited view from the floor.

Eventually, the chaos subsided and everyone turned to look at me with beaming smiles on their faces, some more devious than others. I immediately began to worry that they had sabotaged me somehow, be it in light-hearted jest or in an earnest act of betrayal, and so I asked them nervously what exactly they had done. For a moment it seemed they were trying to contain their excitement, but it didn’t take long for them to erupted into an uproarious celebration, complete with victorious chants that Anton was coming to meet us in person this evening!

I didn’t know how to react. All at once a tempest of conflicting emotions completely overpowered me… and I mean that quite literally. I knocked out cold, and when I finally woke up I discovered that not only had Kyler been trying to shock me awake by applying Takis to my tongue, but that the situation had not miraculously resolved itself. Although everyone else had mostly settled down, my mind was whirling a mile a minute with all of the things I had to do to prepare. I had a whole bucket list I needed to accomplish before I was comfortable standing in front of Anton again… and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t possibly get everything done myself over such a brief time. To my surprise, I didn’t even have a chance to put my reservations aside before they had already agreed to help me based off of my panicked listing of errands alone. Despite my reluctance to involve my new friends in the more turbulent aspects of personal life, it seemed they were actually eager to get involved themselves… I discovered that my problems were not an inconvenience to them, but rather something they were excited to help me work through.

The first obstacle I had to overcome was also the hardest… that being that I had never properly apologized to Gabriella and Lana for my dishonest and frankly abusive treatment. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the words to express my remorse or that I hadn’t processed my guilt, but that Gabriella’s parting words to me specifically informed me not to contact her and I didn’t want to once again disrespect her wishes. However, after some words of encouragement from the family, I managed to write a relatively concise three thousand word email taking responsibility for my past actions and wishing the couple well. As I was writing this post, I actually received a response from the two telling me they appreciated my apology and were glad to see I had grown into a more mature person. Apparently they have just finished settling into their cottage and are now doing better than ever. Lana even expressed an interest in meeting Addy and Iara in particular sometime… I suppose it’s a sapphic thing. I’m just glad that they’re finally living the happy life they deserve without being held back by backwards men.

My email took longer to type then I had expected, and although I certainly can not regret pouring my heart into the message given its importance, it did mean that we had to pick up the pace with the rest of the bucket list. Kyler took this quite literally, speeding at what must have been 100 miles per hour towards the mall despite nearly giving me a heart attack and my insistence that he not set such a bad example for Chris and Klav. We actually ended up getting pulled over, but luckily Iara managed to scare the officer away with her signature scowl. The next few hours were a frantic rush of errands, all focused on helping me actually express myself without the burden of repression. There were moments when it was a struggle, such as when I nearly hyperventilated in Claire’s before they pierced my ears, but ultimately I am immensely satisfied with the results. The most fulfilling moment was finally getting the tips of my hair bleached white to match my new profile picture. Chris actually got his hair dyed alongside me, changing his style from pale blond to black and white to reflect his new kin. It was incredibly rewarding to accomplish this alongside him… I had never been the subject of anything but disappointment from my parents, so it was an incredible feeling to be able to experience that absent parental pride for myself, even if it was with a different perspective.  

By the time Anton was forecasted to arrive, my appearance had been upgraded to better reflect my current sense of self… all that was left was for me to get in the right mindset. Luckily, my family was perfectly eager to act as my own personal “hype beasts,” as Kyler put it. They offered excellent emotional support in the half-hour we sat in the den patiently awaiting his arrival, especially Addy, who really took my mind off things by offering to play me in a game of chess. I lost quite handedly, but for once I don’t have it in me to be a spoilsport. When we heard that fateful knock at the door, they all immediately ran into the nearest closest and shut themselves inside to give us some space, but not before giving me a final set of encouraging thumbs up. I hesitated for a moment, questioning once again whether I was really ready to take such a big step in my life. My hand paused, hovering over the door knob uncertainly… until I heard the faint sounds of Steely Dan’s Come on Eileen coming from inside the closet, accompanied by the muffled sound of Klav’s giggle. Reignited by the familiar sounds of my favorite musicians, I swung the door open with a new and uncharacteristic conviction.

And there he was… I was immediately captivated by just how strong his presence was. My memories hadn’t done him justice… it really was like I was in the presence of an angel. I was comforted by certain familiar aspects of his appearance, such as his golden brown eyes that glistened like stars, his long curly hair with its comforting strawberry aroma, and his signature checkered scarf that he had been consistently wearing for almost decade now… but what really excited me were those new features. Normally I am turned off by change, but I was positively breathless as soon as my eyes wandered to the golden butterfly tattoo on his exposed shoulder. I felt as if I was going to faint for a second time in one day. 

I couldn’t find the words to express the depths of my emotion no matter how hard I searched my impassioned soul... there were no words strong enough. Instead I just cried, and wordlessly he accepted me into his arms… just like he had on that life-changing night all those years ago. I finally told him everything I had so obstinately refused to say during college… that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and that I was sorry. Although I was openly weeping, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved in my life.

Eventually, he managed to pacify me… and so I was able to explain to him the entire story of the Kristahlia drama. It was difficult to explain that I had managed to go from discoursing with these teenage kinnies to adopting them, but he was as understanding as he ever was. He was so excited to meet my family that he even brought his cat Apple all the way from Michigan just to introduce her to them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this publicly, but when Krissy died I had to take her dog Diogenes in myself, and I was surprised to find that the two animals got along perfectly. It really did feel like the entire house was accepting him... it was as if this was meant to be.

Since Anton had gone to all the trouble of making the ten hour drive to Iowa, he suggested that we might as well all hang out together in Cedar Rapids over the weekend. I suppose it’s a date... I must say that I am looking forward to it, as are the others. I know I didn’t deserve to be accepted by him again just because I spent a few hours shedding tears and profusely apologizing, but for once I don’t feel guilty that I have received something I don’t deserve. I just feel... an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunity.

I am certainly still inexperienced at this whole family business and have accepted that I will inevitably make some mistakes in the future, but I don’t think I’ve done too poorly for a first week, if I do say so myself. I am truly grateful to all the people in my life who have supported me through my journey, who have taught me that it is possible to rely on others without being a parasite and to be relied on without shouldering the entire burden. 

To my partners, my friends, my children, and my love... from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

[sohotthateveryonedied]

My Review of Joss Whedon’s Terrible Wonder Woman Script 

I’ve seen a lot of posts about how bad Joss Whedon’s original script for Wonder Woman was, and I just had to read it for myself. And...boy was that a bad idea. This thing was atrcocious. I’m pretty sure my eyes are still bleeding. So please, because I can’t seem to suppress my rage at this, enjoy a super long post about how incredibly Bad this screenplay was. 

Warning: I’m gonna be cursing a lot because this was one of the worst things I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading in my life. Enjoy! 

Let me begin by saying that this entire screenplay is basically about Steve Trevor and what a burden it is on him to have to save the world and deal with Diana the whole time. What a fucking tragedy. If I wanted to watch a misogynistic movie about a man being weighed down by unfairly-written women, I’d watch literally any other movie in Hollywood. 

Not to mention that it doesn’t even include anything about Diana’s backstory? Like, at all? It basically begins with Steve’s plane crash because apparently he’s the most important character in this movie despite it being called Wonder Woman. My deduction is that Joss has no idea who Wonder Woman is and didn’t want to read the comics because he was afraid of what reading something about a woman hero would do to his masculinity, so he decided to just wing it and ignore her backstory completely. 

Also wow, it’s plain within the first few lines of dialogue that Steve is reduced to nothing but a sarcastically jerkface, such is the tragedy of all characters who have the misfortune of being written by Joss Whedon. Makes me wonder if maybe, just maybe, misogynistic assholes shouldn’t write movies because their characters will end up like them? Just a thought? 

Okay one: WHY IS STEVE TRYING TO MAKE HER FEEL GUILTY FOR DOING LITERALLY NOTHING WRONG?? Gee, sorry if her curiosity about the world is such an inconvenience to you, what a terrible offense. I had no idea insults were the newest form of flattery. I should have known that women actually enjoy being insulted, because of course Joss Whedon knows more about what women like than I, an actual woman, would. How silly of me. 

“‘‘Let’s keep in touch’ is American for get the hell out of my face.’” WHAT?? THE FUCK??? WHY IS HE BEING SUCH A JERK??? She saved your goddamn life and you repay her by rudely shoving her out because she’s such an annoyance despite your unfortunate situation of being executed tomorrow. Cry me a freaking river. He is in no position to be anything less than grateful that she saved his sorry life in the first place. 

Not only is he insulting her mother, he’s also using “Princess” as an insult, which is such a douchey thing to do?? And the fact that despite his knowledge that she is clearly an incredible fighter and stronger than he’ll ever be, he still thinks she’s not strong enough to take on the real world. Who is this man because this is NOT Steve Trevor this is some monster and from now on his name is Stupid Terrible and I don’t know him. If Joss wanted to make a movie about an asshole saving the world with his sidekick girlfriend, then go make that garbage heap on your own. Don’t sacrifice our Wonder Woman movie to do it. 

Oh yes, that’s right, Joss, have someone call Diana a whore. Because that’s obviously what feminists love to see in movies. *Looks into office camera* 

It’s funny that despite not being a woman, Joss Whedon seems to think he knows how we want to see ourselves depicted in movies. Newsflash, Joss! You’re not doing it right. 

I.

I CAN’T.

I NEVER THOUGHT I’D EVER IN MY LIFE HAVE TO READ ABOUT DIANA BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP BY STEVE TREVOR AND GETING SHOT ON THE SAME PAGE.

WHAT, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THE FUCK.

WHAT RIGHT DOES STUPID TERRIBLE HAVE TO TELL HER TO SHUT UP? THE REAL STEVE TREVOR WOULD NEVER THINK OF DOING THAT BECAUSE HE IS AN ACTUAL GENTLEMAN AND NOT SOME ASSHOLE WHO WANTS DIANA TO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET BECAUSE SHE’S IN THE WAY OF HIS FRAGILE MASCULINITY. 

STEVE AND DIANA’S RELATIONSHIP IS ONE OF MUTUAL LOVE AND RESPECT, AND JOSS IS AN IDIOT FOR EVER SUGGESTING OTHERWISE. 

“An outfit skimpier than Diana’s.”

“An outfit skimpier than Diana’s.”

“An outfit skimpier than Diana’s.”

Do I really need to comment on this one? 

And what a surprise, Diana is being called a bitch. Someone should play a drinking game with this where every time someone calls Diana a disrespectful name everyone takes a shot. Guarantee they’d all be blackout drunk by the end of the movie, since words that degrade women are the only ones in Whedon’s vocabulary. 

Yeah that’s right, tell Diana what she can and can’t handle, that’s a good idea.

Also.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

!!!!!!!

Why is she literally naked for the entire next scene so Stupid Terrible can patch her up even though the real Diana collapsed a building by smashing into it and was completely fine and even had a cute dance with Steve right after? Diana would never be debilitated by something like that, but I guess according to Joss Whedon’s image, Diana is a weak damsel in distress who is in over her head and needs a strong male to help her overcome her fragile feminine obstacles and fix her when she’s broken. And I’ll bet you all the five dollars and forty cents in my wallet that had this horrific script actually made it on camera, there would no doubt be tons of side boob shots because, as everyone knows, movies exist only so men can see half-naked women. 😒

Just this whole page is so gross I physically cringed when I read it and screamed into my pillow. 

Oh look everybody, it’s time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The time in the movie when the Man must tell the woman what he thinks she is because of course he knows her better than she knows herself despite only knowing her for a few days.

And don’t forget to feel bad for the poor Male because sadly, his attraction to her is such a burden to him and she should stop being so distracting because it’ll get in the way of his manliness. 

And oh, what’s that I hear? The sound of Stupid Terrible hilariously admitting he is secretly hoping for her to flash him? Oh, well of course that’s just comic relief, obviously not contributing at all to rape culture or how men believe it is their right to see women as sex objects and sex objects only.

No problem, just laugh and agree that it’s the funniest thing in the whole world that his priority is seeing Diana naked, rather than be disgusted by the fact that Joss Whedon literally typed this page out and decided it was good enough to include in this god awful script.

Please note the fact that Diana and Stupid Terrible being rejected from the club contributes nothing to the plot whatsoever. Joss just got it in his head that the best idea was to add in a situation with the bouncer just so he could remind the audience that Diana is “fine” and it’s the only way she will ever be allowed anything.

What an inspiring message to little girls who came to see a movie where someone like them could be a hero. Sorry kids, apparently, according to the wise Joss Whedon, women can only get what they want if they are attractive enough to earn it. Thanks, Joss, go burn in hell you pig 😊

(Also, Diana being called a bitch yet again, but what else is new.)

Not only is Diana being called a bitch for I don’t even know what number time, but this guy is taunting her by calling her scared and crazy and sad. So far, nothing in this entire garbage heap of a script has included anything that depicts Wonder Woman as wonderful. 

They may as well rename the movie Pathetic Woman or, if you want some better alliteration, Weak Woman, with the way this is going.

This scene.

May this scene please burn in the depths of Tartarus for eternity.

What, pray tell, is the fUCKING POINT OF THIS? WE HAVE DIANA SEXY DANCING HERE FOR WHAT EXACTLY? SO JOSS GETS THE CHANCE TO DESCRIBE ALL THE CAPTIVATING WONDERS OF A WOMAN’S BODY BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’LL NEVER ACTUALLY GET TO SEE ONE UP CLOSE SINCE HE IS SUCH TRASH THAT NO SELF RESPECTING WOMAN WOULD WANT HIM??

Please,, someone,,, just pick up a sniper and take me out right now. I can’t read another line or I’m afraid my eyes will melt.

Though you know what, on second thought maybe I shouldn’t get my brains blown out because judging by this script, Joss would probably just find it sexy and include it in his next movie.

Here’s a delightful example of Stupid Terrible making the misguided assumption that blaming Diana for everything that goes wrong and telling her she does nothing but create chaos is a good idea.

Here’s the deal, people. Telling someone they’re a failure and everything is their fault? Yup, not as good an idea as you may think it is.

Now, dear reader, you maybe be asking yourself right about now, Why isn’t it clear to other people that what he’s saying is awful and he should stop being an asshole and respect Diana’s ability to make her own decisions?

Excellent question!

You see, my friends, that’s the thing about Whedon Science. You notice how he slipped in that Wise™ and Insightful™ elephant and mouse analogy in the middle of his (probably menstruation-caused) pissy rant? The logic of Whedon Science clearly states that by throwing in an intelligent analogy that somewhat applies to the situation, it reverses his argument completely and shows that clearly his rant is meant to be an inspiring pep talk to push Diana to be the best she can be, rather than a gross speech intended to tear down her confidence. Isn’t science fun, kids?

And oh, the dreaded feelings. Here we’ve got Stupid being the Cool and Mysterious character by treating his feelings like a dreaded disease that will kill him on contact.

Though you know what’ll kill him faster? Me when I murder Stupid Terrible with a bulldozer for telling Diana she doesn’t know what it means to be human and she doesn’t belong in the real world.

I can’t even with this part. What kind of human being writes something like this? 

Here we have the great and powerful Male Character ranting angrily because right now his feelings are so passionate and important that they must be yelled into Diana’s face, threateningly enough to scare her. 

Now I don’t know what this reminds you of, but to me it sounds a lot like what one would picture domestic abuse as. It seems that Joss apparently thinks it’s okay for men to show women who’s the boss by intimidating them into submission. That’s emotional abuse right there, and I will tell you right now that MY Steve Trevor would never even think of doing this to Diana. Ever.

He wouldn’t yell in her face to inform her on what she isn’t capable of. He wouldn’t make her feel like trash and like she should just go back to Themyscira so she can’t mess anything else up. And he definitely, without a doubt, would never ever call her a Fucking. Tourist.

What’s an action movie without a female protagonist being groped by some disgusting perve.

And can I just say that it’s bad enough Joss spent the whole screenplay making Diana seem like nothing but a sexy prop. But now he has the audacity to compare her to a “plague dog” and make aforementioned perve toss her away for fear of catching disease?? This isn’t what we wanted when we demanded you stop treating female characters like they exist only to be desirable, Joss. Nowhere close.

*cups hands around mouth* PRINCESS DIANA AND THE REST OF THE AMAZONS CAN SPEAK HUNDREDS OF LANGUAGES YOU IGNORANT SWINE

*sigh* I don’t even have the energy for the his one. Fuck you, Joss Whedon 🖕

Why???

This entire screenplay was filled with Diana doing incredible feats that Stupid Terrible didn’t believe she could do, but she proved him wrong anyway. So of course when she tells him she can fly, his immediate thought is “Of course you can’t fly, that would be crazy.” Here’s an idea. Maybe...don’t have male characters constantly tell women what they are and aren’t capable of?  

.

So yes, this script is garbage. Every time I watch the real Wonder Woman movie, I thank my lucky stars that Patty Jenkins exists and took over this project and made it amazing. 

Though I have to say, the fact that Whedon is still planned to direct Batgirl is worse than Hitler being a fashion designer. I would rather have no Batgirl movie at all than have this guy do it. This is the same guy who made Diana sexy dance for no reason and called her a bitch at least three or four times. If Joss directs Batgirl, I guarantee there will be at least one naked scene, sexual tension between Barbara and Bruce, she’ll have an estranged relationship with her dad because according to Whedon, women aren’t capable of loving familial relationships, and she will definitely be in too over her head at some point and need Batman to save her, after which he’ll yell at her because she’s not fit to be a hero. And that’s just off the top of my head. 

So yeah. Fuck you, Whedon. 😊

[cchie]

Poppy Heathcliff’s Big Ol’ Honkin’ Questionnaire

A. Psychology

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…   Poppy is most definitely an INFP “The Mediator” - gentle, shy, passionate, pure, emotional.

What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera…   Neutral good. She only wants to do what is best.

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?   When she was younger, she used to have agoraphobia and anxiety. She still experiences them to this day but to a severely lesser degree. Taking medication for it was something she had considered but once she found her passion for horticulture, she’s found ways to deal with it.

Are they a pessimist or an optimist?   Optimist! She always wants to find the brighter and sunnier things in life. The darker parts scare her and make her sad, but she knows it’s important to accept those as well.

Are they good at handling change in their life?   Sort of. Change can be pretty hard for Poppy since she just likes being comfortable. However, she can be resilient. So while it might be hard for her mentally and emotionally, she’ll get used to it after the initial discomfort.

Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”   Because of her anxiety and people-pleaser ways, she generally questions it. If somebody confronts her and says she said something different, she’ll shrink in size and say something along the lines of “O-oh, I’m so sorry. I thought I-I said the r-right thing!”

Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted?   Oh, god, Poppy is very easily embarrassed and shamed. She hates it. If someone were to startle her, she’d probably squeal and cry, and then feel completely humiliated. Whenever she cries, which is indeed a lot, she does feel like she’s overreacting but only because kids picked on her when she was younger. Her parents have taught her that it’s okay to cry.

Is your OC a martyr?   She absolutely would be.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?   Nope! Poppy prefers being honest with people. She doesn’t like lying because she knows it’s wrong and disrespectful. She used to make excuses for herself when she was younger but now she’s grown and learning to love herself. If she’s late to something, which she rarely ever is, she’ll be honest and let them know ASAP.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?   Yes. Poppy is scared of not pleasing everybody and wants everyone to be happy, even if that means compromising something. Generally, if it’s something she feels incredibly strongly about, she won’t back down. After fighting for it, she would be highly reluctant to compromise at all.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?   Yes, that’s one of the downsides of Poppy. She’ll put others’ needs before hers at all times and it destroys her a bit inside. It’s tiring and exhausting but she’d rather everyone around her be happy than solely herself be happy.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?   While Poppy loves gardening, I wouldn’t call it an addiction.

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?   Many things scare Poppy and freak her out but I wouldn’t think to go as far as diagnosing her with multiple phobias. She had agoraphobia and has a mild case nowadays but she’s getting better with it. Really, her anxiety makes her afraid to fail, displease people, and lose loved ones.

Is your character empathetic?   Poppy is actually my most empathetic OC. She feels so deeply and strongly and doesn’t necessarily know how to handle any of it, though she’s trying really hard. This is why she tries so hard to make everyone around her happy, because she can feel what they are feeling.

Is your character observant?   Yes! In a quiet way. She doesn’t actively seek out to observe everything. Rather, she does it in a way that she’s trying to learn and the anxiety also makes her aware of her surroundings.

Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?   Listening to others and learning from that is primarily how Poppy functions. She values the words of others and would rather not go through trials herself in fear of failing or doing something wrong.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?   After squeezing through the hectic halls of Hope’s Horizon, the small pigtailed blonde stepped out of her school’s back doors and into the sun soaked courtyard. The sun beat down on her freckled face and she had to squint her leaf green eyes to see for a few seconds.    She took a deep, relaxing breath, and decided to head for the school’s garden. This was shared between her (the Ultimate Horticulturist), the Ultimate Florist, the Ultimate Pedologist, and the Ultimate Entomologist. While she didn’t like crowds, she had become friendly with these fellow students since they all shared similar interests and had to share the same garden area. Although, Poppy was allowed her own Greenhouse in which she would also graciously share it with the first three.   She was a bit drained socially after having to bump into classmates in the hallways and apologize profusely. It was always a challenge for her, especially because she was so small in stature.   As she hummed to herself and walked towards the Garden, she heard two angry voices and one...anxious one. Her heart stopped in panic as she heard and she quietly snuck behind some nearby trees.   She peered from behind the tree trunk and saw two rather tall boys, one holding what appeared to be a violin. In front of them was a rather upset-looking, but gorgeous, brunette. She was wringing her wrists and stammering.   “Ha! Ultimate Violinist, what a lame Talent! What are you without your violin, huh? Just a stuck up rich girl, huh?” the first boy snickered, holding the violin up high.   “Ah, please, give th-that back,” the brunette’s voice shook.   The second boy mimicked her stutter and laughed. “Hey Scott, what if we smashed it?”   The first boy gave a wicked grin. “Yeah, Kaden, I think that sounds like fun!”   Before Poppy was even aware of what she was doing, she sprinted towards them and planted herself in front of the brunette. She could feel the fear and anxiety radiating off of the Ultimate Violinist.   “S-stop it! G-give it back to h-her!” her voice squeaked.   The two boys looked at her and laughed. “And who the hell are you?”   “P-p-p-” she cleared her throat and tried again. “Poppy Heathcliff!” she said confidently. “I-I’m the Ultimate Horticulturist. And you n-need to, um, stop being so c-cruel!”   The two bullies just laughed. “Huh. And whatcha gonna do, shrimp? Kick me in the knees?” the first boy sneered.   “A-actually, I h-happen to h-have some poison ivy leaves on m-my person at the moment, and it would be a sh-shame if they happened to touch you two,” she said, in a panicked but fierce tone. “Y-you know what poison ivy, um, d-does, right? It gives you a rash and a fever and-” she reached into her pocket and grabbed a ziploc bag with leaves inside of it.   The two boys narrowed their eyes in suspicion and as she pulled out the bag, they straightened up and a very brief flash of fear appeared in their eyes.   “A-and I know that V-Violet Adams would be sad to hear about t-two bullies, and Redd Blaze certainly doesn’t l-like bullies, and-” she stammered hastily.   The two boys looked at each other and scowled. “Fine, this isn’t fun anymore anyways. Let’s go, dude!”   They started walking away and before Poppy could shout that they still had the violin, the first boy tossed the violin behind him without even looking.   The brunette tried to grab it but with not much dexterity and much more clumsiness, it bounced out of her hands and headed towards the pavement.   Seeing this, Poppy instinctively dove to catch it and did so successfully, while also scraping her knees in the process.   “Oomph, ow!” she winced, softly whispering.   The tall brunette kneeled down and avoided eye contact with her scraped knee. “Oh, ah, my goodness, I am so sorry!”   Poppy smiled and looked into the eyes of the girl for the first time. They were a beautiful light brown, so light they were almost golden, and it was like looking into two small suns. Her heart skipped a beat. This woman was gorgeous in the classic and elegant sense.   “Ummm, uh, I-I’m Poppy. It’s n-nice to meet you!” she exclaimed, giving a big smile.   “I’m Aria. Aria Arpeggio. Lovely to meet you,” she said, giving a small smile.   Poppy and Aria shook hands and she gently handed her the violin back. “Here, this m-must be very, um, important to you. It’s a lovely violin. It’s made out of the best wood for s-string instruments, too. You r-really know your stuff,” the small blonde said happily, all the while taking a small first aid kit out of her backpack and caring to her wound.   “Haha, well, I would surely hope so. Thank you, ah, for saving me from those two...those awful boys,” she shut her eyes and shook her head, then looked in the direction of the bag Poppy had. “Erm, are those actually poison ivy leaves?”   Poppy giggled, it was like a wind chime. “No, not at all. Those are just some bay leaves I’ve gathered for a friend. Not dangerous at all. I d-don’t even know if I w-would have, um, had the courage to h-hurt them with it, anyways.” She looked down and gave a small sad smile.   “Well, I think that’s rather, ah, noble of you, Poppy Heathcliff. You did more than I could, certainly.”   Poppy’s heart swelled and small tears welled her eyes. “Let’s be friends, okay?”   Aria blinked with surprised and stammered. “A-ah, sure, P-Poppy. That sounds nice.”   Poppy smiled. I can’t believe I stood up for somebody, she thought, and I can’t believe I just made a friend.

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?   I mean, she gets envious but more in a unselfish way. She’s envious of how others can be the life of the party and be so outgoing but it’s more of an admiration type of jealousy rather than an ugly jealousy.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?   Bullies, her anxiety kicking in.

Are they harsh on themselves?   Yes. She wants to be good at what she does and she wants to make people happy. She pushes herself a lot and doesn’t take care of herself as much as she should when it comes to pleasing others and making other people happy.

Do they make excuses often?   See previous question about excuses.

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?   Poppy can be very pretty when she decides to dress up. She’s got dandelion yellow hair she usually puts into a ponytail or pigtails. Her eyes are a beautiful leaf green, and she has freckles. Her right cheek has a scar from a rose bush years ago and her hands are surprisingly rough and scarred from gardening. While she uses lotion, it doesn’t always work. “Cute” and “adorable” are better words to describe Poppy.

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?   Poppy is not a very confident person but she tries. She likes wearing cute, comfortable, and practical things. She’s concerned with appearance in terms of just making sure she doesn’t look ridiculous. Her taste is more floral prints, frills, lace, and simple.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?   Some of her biggest obstacles are overcoming her anxietys, her fears, her struggle with her gender identity versus her biological sex (intersex), and her selflessness. She’s aware of all of this and trying her hardest to work on it.

B. Social

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?   She’s somewhere in between the two. Basically, she believes in showing respect regardless of being shown it first. However, if there is a continual disrespect, she no longer believes respect should be shown to that individual.

Do they get frustrated when lines at places like pharmacies, check-outs, delis, banks, et cetera, are moving slowly?   Not at all. She’s rather slow moving herself and she daydreams a lot. So while she may be waiting a while, she’s very patient and understanding.

Under what situations would they get angry at servers, staff, customer service, et cetera?   Virtually none. As I stated above, she’s incredibly patient and understanding and would not get upset. The only thing I can imagine her getting upset over is blatant discrimination.

Do they tip well? How easily can they be moved to not leave a tip?   Over 25% is how Poppy tips, even if the service isn’t great. She is empathetic to people working in the food service and knows they rely on tips to survive.  

Do they hold doors open for people?   Yes, if she notices people are walking in the same direction. She always wants to be polite and show manners.

Would your OC let someone ahead of them in line if your OC had a big cart and the person behind them had very few items?   Yes! She would always offer them to go in front of her.

How do they respond to babies crying in public?   Being empathetic, she would wince a little at first and worry about the child and eventually walk over and ask to hold the baby. She’s really great with children and can almost always calm them down and soothe them.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?   Not funny in a conventional way. She’s funny in the way she’s innocent and cries a lot and is just super adorable. She likes to believe she can be funny sometimes but overall she doesn’t think she is. Humor is not her strong suit.

What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…   Plant humor. Any plant puns or anything similar makes her smile and laugh and it makes her days brighter.

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?   She actually abhorrently hates that kind of humor. Having her empathy she feels what the victim feels and also suffers severe secondhand shame and embarrassment. Why is hurting or scaring people funny?

Your OC is running late to meeting someone: Do they let the other person know? Do they lie about why they’re late?   When she rarely ever runs late, she’ll let the person know as soon as possible and is always honest.

Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do?   Honestly, she would struggle with letting them know but would do so after 15 minutes of internal struggle. Then, she would let them know in the most polite way possible and apologize profusely and reassure that it’s not a big deal.

Do they have a large or small group of friends?   Small, with the potential to become large. She’s just usually never the instigator with friendships due to her wilting under social anxiety.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?   Herself, her parents, Aria, Sam, and Violet. And occasionally Piper. Hawkbit and possibly Effy once they ever meet.

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?   No. She likes the idea of them but she can’t deal with the crowds, the loud music, etc. If she does end up going, she either stays in the corner or runs outside, or stays incredibly close to whoever she goes with.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?   More in the mix, for sure. Being the center of attention is uncomfortable for her. While she likes attention and craves it because she’s deathly afraid of ending up alone, the limelight freaks her out.

C. Morality

Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?   Poppy just wants to do what is best for everyone, and she wants to do that if it’s moral. If it isn’t mean, dishonest, hurtful, offensive, etc. she’s okay with it. If it violates anything of the sort she wants nothing to do with it. Even in the end, if she’s put in a situation like she was in Tabletonpa, she wouldn’t kill. She would always choose Mercy.

Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?   Yes, and no. Poppy is not the type to act against her morals unless it’s critical to do so (like lying about the poison ivy leaves). She would feel immense shame for it but believe it was the only option that left both parties unharmed.

Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?   Yes. She has tried to be friends with people who have different ideas than herself and it was very hard for her. Like-minded people make it easier and more comfortable for her. If they have drastically different personalities, but similar ideological tenets, the friendship can still exist.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?   If anything, Poppy believes herself to be inferior to everyone else. She has self esteem issues but tries not to dwell on it too much.

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?   Nope! Even when she was in the killing game she didn’t act against those morals. Even if it was inconvenient. The only time she’s okay with lying is if it is to save somebody.

What do they do when they see someone asking for money or food? If they ignore them, why? If they help, how so?   Poppy can never ignore the hungry or homeless. She actively participates in soup kitchens and even brings bags of vegetables and fruits to the homeless. She visits them and always brings those bags and some money for them.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?   She does believe in change, very firmly so. It can be either natural or very hard, and she holds these beliefs very close to her heart.

Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?   Definitely holding everyone else to the same high expectations. In the events of the killing game, she was always dismayed and disappointed in those who murdered fellow classmates and friends.

D. Religion and Life and Death

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?   Poppy is actually polytheistic! She believes in multiple gods and she’ll pray but she doesn’t believe it necessary to do everyday or go to church or anything like that. She believes that religion can be important to science and vice versa and respects beliefs.

Do they believe in an afterlife?   Yes. She believes in an afterlife because it just sounds too lovely to be fake.

How comfortable are they with the idea of death?   Poppy is aware of death, obviously, and accepts that it is a part of nature. Unnatural causes unnerve her and upset her. Death upsets her even though she knows it is a part of life and is frustrated that she can accept that and yet still feel so miserable when somebody or something dies.

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?   No, she would hate it. She would have to watch all of her loved ones grow old and die without her.

Do they believe in ghosts? If not, why? If so, do they think they’re magical/tie into their religion, or are they scientifically plausible?   Poppy is very uncertain about her belief in ghosts. She believes that it’s definitely possible and is scared of them, while also sad for them.

E. Education and Intelligence

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?   Poppy is smart and above average, but not by a lot. She likes to be a sponge with knowledge but has trouble retaining all of it.

Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)   Unsurprisingly, Poppy is strongest in naturalist and intpersonal. Her weakest is probably intrapersonal or logical-mathematical.

How many languages do they speak?   Two! English and Spanish.

Did they enjoy school if they went to it?   She did! She enjoyed learning the subjects and field trips but didn’t necessarily love the social aspects. They made her anxious.

What’s their highest education level? Do they want to continue their education?   As of Tabletonpa, high school. As of currently, she’s double majored in Horticulture and Therapy..

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?   Poppy loves learning! She loves learning knew things and actively seeks out more sources.

Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous?   Poppy is a great note taker, but taking tests make her very nervous. For a while, her teachers were aware of her severe anxiety and had her take the tests after school instead of in class to ease the anxiety and show her true academic potential.

What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?   In tabletonpa, her biggest regret was not telling Sam or Aria that she was intersex. Currently, her biggest regret is letting people walk all over her when she was younger.

F. Domestic Habits, Work, and Hobbies

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?   Poppy lives in a small house with her parents in the country area. It’s a small white house, complete with a picket fence and a beautiful garden (a past birthday present for Poppy).

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?   Ideally, she’d like a slightly bigger house than the one she has with her parents. It would have plants and flowers all over, complete with the love(s) of her life.

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?   Yes! She doesn’t mind tiny homes at all and finds them charming.

How clean are they overall with home upkeep?   Pretty clean. Even though she gets dirty outside from gardening, she makes sure the inside of the house is clean. Even what she considers messy is still pretty clean for the average teen.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?   Poppy isn’t super handy with appliances but is super handy with medical remedies and first aid. Usually she’ll call Piper to come and help her, or have Piper FaceTime her and walk her through the process.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?   She works as a local horticulturist and sometimes lends fruits and vegetables to local farmers. Poppy loves working with plants. They are the light of her life.

What’s their “dream career” or job situation?   She’s already pretty much got it. Just gardening and working with plants. She’s interested in plant therapy and wants to get into that.

How often are they home?   Pretty often, though she enjoys traveling to see the sights and exotic plants.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?   Yes! She loves her garden and her parents and being comfortable.

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?    Poppy loves drawing and the arts. She’s not very good at it though as we’ve discovered through her art collaboration with Piper. Although, she’d like to believe she’s really good at it.

What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most?   She loves to garden, listen to soft pop and soft indie and classical, and be with nature.

Would they enjoy a theme park?   On one hand she would love all the cute themes and food, but on the other hand, she would be terrified of roller coasters and the crowds.

G. Family and Growing Up

Is your OC close to their family?   Yes, she’s very close with her parents. She is an only child. Her parents were kind and nurturing and overall excellent. Poppy loves them so much and admires them more than anything.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?   Just her parents!

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?   Yes! They have been super supportive since day one. They’ve actually helped her so much in terms of her acceptance towards being intersex and her dealing with it.

What kind of childhood did your OC have?   At home, her life was just fine. Her parents were loving and accepting, she didn’t misbehave, and she excelled in school. School was a little rough due to her agoraphobia and anxiety, but she’s overcome most of that.

Did they go through any typical phases growing up?   Not really. She did have that little girl horse phase though, the one where horses are the best thing ever.

Do they have any favorite childhood memories?   Her favorite childhood memory is her parents taking her to a butterfly garden park.

Do they have any childhood memories they’d rather forget or be less affected by?   Poppy would love to forget the types of bullying she went through but she can’t.

H. Romance and Intimacy

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?   Oooo boy. Poppy is polyamorous, panromantic, and demisexual. It’s been a great source of stress to her because for a while, she thought being poly was bad. This lead to her feeling even more different and left out in society, until she came to her parents about it. They reassured her and calmed her down and let her know it was completely normal.

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?   Yes! Poppy absolutely is thoughtful with her partner(s). She always gets them gifts from the heart and pays attention to what they love and what they don’t like.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?   Nope! She believes that it’s different for everybody. She’s polyamorous, but doesn’t mind being monogamous if it makes her partner uncomfortable with dating others. Poppy loses eyes for everyone else when she’s in love with somebody monogamous.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight?   Absolutely. She’s a sucker for love.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?   Yes! She loves weddings and wants to get married.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?   God, no. Poppy could never. And she would never want to.

What do they look for in partners? (Emotionally, mentally, physically..)   She looks for somebody who strives for her to be a better version of herself. She looks for a loving, gentle person. Someone who understands her and is accepting.

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?   A small quiet picnic somewhere, with some nature involved. And soft, playful touches and games.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?   Ignorance, impatience, meanness.

I. Food

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?   Sweet and healthy are her two favorite. Yes, healthy is a flavor. She loves veggies and fruits, cheeses, and breads, generally snack food.

Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions…   Poppy tries to stay vegetarian but understands that meat is nutritious and important for diets. So every once in a while she’ll have fish, chicken, turkey, etc.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?   As I said above, she’s okay with eating meat because of nutrition but she likes staying as close to vegetarian as she can. She thinks the way they kill animals for food is extremely cruel and wishes they would do it in more humane ways.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?   Poppy is actually pretty good with cooking due to her knowledge of herbs, veggies, and spices. She doesn’t order out a lot but she’s not against doing so.

Are they a good cook?   See above!

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?   Yes! She does that a lot, but she prefers eating different things.

J. Politics, Current Events, Environmental Aspects

Where does your OC stand most politically? What would they align with most?   Poppy is independent. She doesn’t like taking sides and sees positives to both sides.

How politically aware are they?   Poppy is pretty politically aware due to her concerns about the environment and global warming.

How politically active are they?   Poppy will speak up to her followers about certain acts that limit funding for the environment and so on and so forth. She’ll go to protests but only if somebody goes with her and holds her hand.

Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that it’s wrong?   She used to be until she learned that that was a thing. Now, she talks to Violet and Jack about reputable sources.

Are they or would they protest for a cause they’re passionate about?   Absolutely. She wants somebody to be with her when she does so, but she’s passionate about some things and would absolutely go to a protest about it, i.e. Women’s March, Science March, LGBTQIAA+ March, etc.

How do they react to people whose political viewpoints are very opposite of theirs?   She tries to be respectful and debate with them and see where they are coming from, but once they resort to ad hominem she leaves.

How much interest in environmental health do they have?   SO MUCH. Naturally, Poppy is very interested in environmental health since she works around plants.

In reality-based or applicable worlds, do they believe in global warming? Do they recycle?   Yes and yes. She tries to be as environmentally conscious as she can be.

L. For the Writer/Owner

How have your characters changed since you created them?   Originally, Poppy was going to be a redhead who wasn’t very empathetic and rather was very apathetic and quiet. Instead, she somehow became this tiny ball of emotions and love.

What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?   Nature, gender identity, love, anxiety, mercy, morals.

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?   I initially created her to be who I used to be, and then she ended up turning into the softer side of who I am today. She’s an emotional mess, much like me. She’s also a huge people pleaser and terrified of letting people down, also taken from me. However, she’s more moral and full of love than I am, and she’s more eco-friendly.

Would you hang out with your OC if you could?   I would love to. She’s adorable and so full of love.

How did you come up with your OC?   So, in the Danganronpa Tabletop game I created her for, I wanted to make the Ultimate Horticulturist so I could have somebody working with plants. I love plants but I haven’t done a lot in terms of caring for them so it was cool to do research for that.   Then, I wanted to make her different from everyone else, so I made her intersex. It’s also cool to have an intersex character because it raises a tiny bit of awareness as to what intersex is. It’s sad because intersex people don’t get a lot of reputation in the media, or at all, really.   Poppy transformed into a small, sensitive ball of love and adoration who had so much love and respect to give and I fell in love with that concept much more. She was also a good contrast to Redd (the fireball of energy and excitement) and Violet (my serious and logical character).

[jackiefeims1]

Final Paper

As a close relative of a stroke victim who remained half-paralyzed after his brain surgery, I have witnessed every inconvenient aspect of his life and the hard adjustments he and his family had to make. My relative, Peter, lives in a provincial city in northern China, where he worked as a patent attorney at his own agency. Before the accident, Peter loved to explore the city on his bike, he was also a photography enthusiast who would go on hiking trips with his photographer friends every other week to capture the beauty of the countryside. Nowadays, however, Peter could barely leave his apartment building in his wheelchair without the aid of his care-taker - thanks to three steps of stairs at the entrance of his apartment building. Even if he manages to go out, he is unable to visit many places due to accessibility problems.  

Peter is not the only wheelchair user whose life quality has significantly worsened simply because they sit in a wheelchair. Over the past eight years, sadly, Peter has gotten very used to being stared and yelled at for moving too slowly and blocking the way in public.  Inconsiderately designed spaces cause mobility troubles not only for people with disabilities, but also other able-bodied individuals when, for example, a wheelchair user has to block the entire staircase so that they can be lifted by two other people downstairs. In such kind of situations, the disabled are often the ones to be blamed as accessibility issues may be too subtle to be realized by the able bodied. What they do not see is that a problem like this can be easily solved if the space is equipped with a proper wheelchair lift.

I was shocked to realize how underdeveloped many countries and regions are when it comes to accessibility. Statistic data shows that about 40% of the world population today rely on a wheelchair or have to sit in a wheelchair at some point in their life. However, this relatively large percentage of our population is not reflected in current design disciplines in many ways.  The lack of empathy towards the disabled often causes the group to be neglected and disrespected. Ideally, a considerately designed space should ensure that wheelchair users can navigate themselves comfortably with as little aid from other individuals as possible. Unfortunately, even in some major cities of developed countries, wheelchair users and their families must make very great efforts to accomplish the smallest tasks every single day.

Accessibility issue in public spaces has raised the attention of many leading companies in the tech industry, many apps and software have been developed to improve the life of wheelchair users.  Google, for example, has recently added a new feature to their map system allowing users to contribute accessibility information of places they have visited. In fact, I have also made prototypes of an app that allows the user to customize their routine to avoid barriers such as stairs, steep hills and bumpy roads based on information contributed by other users. As I look at these apps that utilize crowdsourcing to provide information for wheelchair users, I started wondering how would able-bodied users be motivated to mark accessibility information that do not directly benefit their life? Will people contribute at all if they cannot even tolerate a clumsy wheelchair user accidentally blocking their way in real life?

Understanding and tolerance must come before problem solving. My final project of Major Studio 1 is an interactive choice driven narrative in which players play the role of a wheelchair user and complete a small task in a familiar environment setting – going to a destination in a shopping mall within 10 minutes’ walk from his/her hotel. As the player moves forward, they have to make decisions as they run into different kinds of obstacles – all of which are incredibly easy to overcome for able-bodied people. My goal for this project is to challenge the able-bodied users to understand the inconvenience and frustrations wheelchair users experience everyday, and therefore promote empathy towards this usually ignored minority group. The project is web-based and is told from a first person narrative. Multiple decisions must be made as the user goes through the narrative.

What I am most eagerly to demonstrate in my project is the gap between the reality and our naïve assumptions of wheelchair users’ life. There are some moments in the narrative when the user has no other choice but to click “wait” and “suck it up” buttons repetitively, as time overpasses, their anxious level and tiredness level increase as indicated by numbers and graphs on the side of each page. There are also moments in the narrative when the user must make concessions that can be otherwise spared if the place has better accessibility: taking a detour under the bright sunshine because they cannot get off the curb, having to dine at a bad restaurant because the good ones have stairs they cannot get up … etc. The key word of this narrative is discomfort and pressure, it is not designed for fun but to put the user into the wheelchair of others, to experience the frustrations they experience when all choices given are imperfect solutions to their problems and therefore come to realize how many times we able-bodied have underestimated the challenges they face and overestimated their ability to move in some challenging situations.

I was greatly inspired by the scavenger hunting game documented in the Smithsonian Museum report as part of the institution’s docent training program. At each training session, docents were required to complete a series of simple tasks such as taking the elevator, locating a telephone and call someone, using the water fountain with their eyes covered or sitting in a wheelchair. These challenges were designed to help docents to better understand the needs of disabled visitors, as well as to ensure the accessibility of museums facilities.

Another source that inspired my project was a short documentary as part of  a campaign by ChallengeAccess.com. In the video, TV present Kathryn, who is able-bodied, took the challenge and put herself in a wheelchair to tour around the city of Dublin. After some serious struggling moments, Kathryn said:

“I would never have noticed that bin there before, I’ve never have noticed that bicycle tied up to the pole… It’s almost like I get into a panic about what decisions to make. All I’m trying to do is to get from A to B. I shouldn’t be panicking about it, but that’s really what I felt. Do I swallow my pride and ask for help? Should that be an issue?”

Under Kathryn’s video, some viewers suggested that wheelchair users shouldn’t have made the decision of going there if they knew the city was not equipped with wheelchair friendly facilities. When I went out with Peter this summer, someone also approached us and told him that he should not take the subway because it’s a hustle for both him and other passengers. Accessibility is not just a problem at stake for the wheelchair community, but also for a great majority of our society - parents with baby strollers and senior citizens who need walking aid will all benefit greatly from accessible spaces.  I hope my project can help the non-disabled understand the need and frustrations of the disabled in a personal and intimate way, and therefore raise public awareness and empathy towards this group of people.

Research Sources:

Sharpe, Elizaheth. "Docents Experience Museum Visit as Disabled Visitors." Roundtable Reports 6, no. 3 (1981): 6-7. http://www.jstor.org/stable/40479703.

Steinfeld, Edward, Maisel, Jordana, and Levine, Danise. Universal Design : http://www.bbc.com/zhongwen/simp/fooc/2015/04/150430_fooc_china_wheelchairCreating Inclusive Environments (pgs 4-25).

Hoboken, US: John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated, 2012. ProQuest ebrary. Web. 28 December 2016: https://home.nyu.edu/research

 Design Meets Disability, Graham Pulin (2009). Chapter 6 Feeling Meets Testing  https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_Hfk0CEa0BodnF0TlI2b2NnUTI2bHE3dGt2TkRuYmhSYzkw/view?usp=sharing

https://techcrunch.com/2017/07/08/google-maps-now-lets-users-add-wheelchair-accessibility-details-for-locations/