#just dealing with my crippling anxiety

[nightyraven-art]

I hate dealing with anxiety and anger issues

One second I'd be worried and then I get angry because anxiety makes me impatient and usually I'm often calm and patient but anxiety makes look like I'm the opposite and it's frightening to just be patient when I'm anxious-

Then it's a mix of embarrassment and anxiety because I make myself a fool...

[manasurge]

.

[peapod20001]

Did sleeping help

No </3

[telemiel]

i really can't keep going and keep myself alive on my own, but i think i'm always going to be alone

[johanneswinstonwileyatmse]

Can I interest you in a poorly drawn Yu-Gi-Oh OC in this trying time? I did it for a campaign I'm in. Not happy. Feel like I botched it. But here's Red-Eyes Harpie Lady or the Yugioh Campaign I'm in. Plus reference (book is Drawing The Head & Figure by Jack Graham, if you're interested).

Jkjkjk

[anarcho-sexual]

I currently, simultaneously, have more reasons to kms than I ever have before & I don’t know how I’m not breaking. I’ve been thinking about this for 7 days straight. I wouldn’t even be surprised if I already posted on here about this I just can’t stop thinking about it because it feels like the only answer to so much suffering.

[puppyboycoded]

my psych is changing my meds around because lexapro keeps giving me heart palpitations and isnt helping my anxiety anymore, so i made this to commemorate the occasion

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

my work emails are triggering the fuck out of me today...

[be-good-to-bugs]

OᴗO

[lunarmochi]

everything feels like a distraction these days

[a-sip-of-milo]

BPD Resources Masterlist

[NPD]

Creating this has made me realise just how much people underestimate/downplay the stigma surrounding BPD. It’s infuriating.

Anyway, here is the official resource masterlist for BPD. I will be adding to it as time goes on:)

BPD stigma

BPD stigma among clinicians

I have BPD and here’s 6 things I wish people understood

Mental health advocacy is pointless if you’ll support people with anxiety and depression but won’t support those with personality disorders

No I don’t need helping learning how to deal with a “borderline girlfriend”, I need help dealing with myself

Emotional abuse tag and BPD

The results when searching up how to manage BPD

BPD and suicide

Educating yourself on BPD

Basic info on BPD

NPD + BPD comorbidity

Why is it referred to as ‘borderline personality disorder’?

Facts vs. fiction about BPD

Living with BPD

BPD things that people don’t talk about enough

Loving with BPD is hard

Living, breathing, BPD

What it’s like living with BPD: a lived experience perspective

Managing BPD

Coping With BPD: DBT & CBT skills to soothe the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

The dialectal therapy skills workbook

A quick exercise: challenging self-hate

Different forms of therapy

Deep breathing gifs

Splitting with BPD

Chloe’s splitting checklist and reminders

What is splitting?

How I cope with splitting (written by someone with BPD)

BPD positivity so you don’t have to go looking

People with low/no empathy still have feelings

Several positive affirmations for people with cluster b disorders

If you have BPD, I love you

Some of the best people in my life are borderlines

You’re not a monster for having a personality disorder

So much love to my BPD bi boys out there

Positivity for systems with BPD

Positive traits of people with BPD

People with BPD deserve as much slack as neurotypicals

BPD safe blogs (also safe for cluster b disorders in general!)

@borderline-culture-is

@bpd00m

@citrine-rabbit

@cluster-b-culture-is

@gentle-positivity

@hellbrainspeaks

@your-fave-is-crippled

@mirroringshards

[kneelingshadowsalome]

How does Minotaur!Konig handle an argument with his wife/his wife being upset with him? He clearly avoids making her upset as much as possible because he loves her and only wants to see her happy, and she loves and accepts him as he is, quirks and all so I don't really see them getting into fights but maybe he gets way too reactive and violent with someone in town over a perceived slight and she gives him the silent treatment on the way home or something. I feel like he'd be so sad even if she only didn't talk to him for like an hour 😞 I can also see his insecurities/abandonment issues coming into play, he starts overthinking and makes it a whole big thing in his head and meanwhile she's already forgetting that she was even upset with him. These are just my thoughts but maybe you have something else in mind/see it playing out differently!

Yes absolutely!!

Minotaur!König cannot cope with this shit at all. The last time he did something “bad” ended in him being thrown into a cold, dark Labyrinth. Even as a grown man he goes straight into survival mode if he sees that he has somehow disappointed his beloved 💔

His wife knows how König is so it would take a lot for her to visibly show she’s upset with him. Our bull tries to avoid chaos as best he can which means arguments between these two are extremely rare — but they do happen! Because one thing you must know about all versions of König is that they think they’re always right. Minotaur!König is just as thick headed as the rest of them so if he thinks that “his cause is just” then he will stand his ground no matter what. He will claim that water is wine if he thinks it’s so!

Some petty perceived insult directed at his wife could get him riled very easily, could get them both into trouble because König won't cool down before he’s drawn blood. He wants to give this poor soul's head to his wife, on a plate if possible, and if he can’t do that the tension just won’t go away. How can life go on if he hasn’t done what’s right??

She has to guide König in social situations and explain later what it was all about, what different phrases mean and how he can’t just kill people if they don’t behave the way he wants them to. In some ways, she knows she is dealing with a child and has to be patient, how could this poor man know how to behave when he lived underground all those years? All he was taught was that he’s evil, unwanted and ugly, so the last thing she wants to do is hurl blame at him and scream. Silent treatment would totally be one of her ways to show him he didn’t get points home this time, but for König even the tiniest distancing looks like she’s abandoning him. Throwing him mentally into a tiny tiny Labyrinth, telling him he’s not wanted, that he’ll never be loved :(

And poor König doesn’t know what to do and how to be, for a while the anxiety threatens to take over. He reaches for her hand, then pulls away fearing she doesn’t want to be touched. He tries to talk, but nothing comes out because he doesn’t entirely understand what he should apologise for. He stands in the middle of the room and watches her blow air on the coals and just go on about her day, thinking that the time has finally come when she tells him to get out of the house.

It takes years before König takes the initiative in reconciling because he simply doesn’t know how to do it. Blunt, pained statements such as “Are you upset with me,” and “You’re disappointed in me” are common before he learns that the world is not going to end even if they’re not happy with each other all the time. His wife is usually the one who comes to him and says that everything is okay and that she was only upset with what he did, not with who he is.

Just imagine this adorable goof being both stubborn in his "I don’t have to say I’m sorry" policy and crippled by his "Are you going to abandon me" fear 💔 How can you even be angry at this man? There’s no chance, especially when he’s a jerk only once or twice a year 🩷🦬

[emhm]

Coffee? Please?

Let me preface this by saying; I am not disabled and this is not about 'urgent' vet bills.

[I have an outstanding debt to pay in that regard, but the monthly payment is small and the service was already done. It was the amputation for our kitten Lucky's dead front leg.]

I do have a job and the pay is too good to quit. I work 40 hours a week and I spend almost 13 more hours just driving to and from work because our boss 'can't find a work assignment closer to where I live.' Up until about two weeks ago my partner was also working 40 hours a week on an opposing shift. We were just starting to get on top of our crushing pile of monthly bills. Then she lost her work assignment [not her fault] and he couldn't find anything else for her to do. So she lost a whole weeks pay. He found her a place, but now she's only getting 24 hours a week instead of 40. And we were already struggling to pay for the bare essentials. I was hoping so hard to just have something left when the bills were paid. But my entire tax return was used to pay for overdue bills and it still wasn't all of them.

-We have not had a working washing machine since September. Almost all of my ancient towels have rotted and ripped apart from trying to hang dry them to avoid killing the dryer too.

-Our house does not have central heat or air so we've been freezing for months with no money to buy wood for the stove. [It's warmer now but still in the low 40s at night where I am.]

-We have been flushing the toilet with buckets of water for almost a year because hiring a plumber is not happening.

-For over a year we have been fighting the flea infestation caused by the deadbeat trash-pit roommate we had to force to move out. They're biting me as well as the cats and I'm allergic to them. So I constantly have a rash on my feet and ankles. We never have money for flea drops consistently enough to get rid of them and I do not have a working vacuum to get rid of the flea eggs in the carpet.

-I just had to take on $1200 worth of debt because my tires were bald from my ungodly commute and they told me the brakes need replacing very soon.

-Our youngest cat Lucky will need to be fixed soon because she's almost old enough to go into heat. [She's indoors only but I don't want to deal with the screaming.]

Our predatory mortgage payment is almost $2000 a month with all their shitty add-on fees. My car payment is $334. The internet is $87. The power is usually $125. Car insurance is about $115. Garbage is $65. Our car is shared and I go through 1 tank +1/4 tank of gas EVERY WEEK. I owe both Sunbit AND Carecredit. We're both estranged from abusive parents and have no other family to turn to in an emergency.

I can't ask for money for fanfic. I know that's unethical and illegal.

But I can tell you that I write better/faster/more when I'm not distracted by gut-wrenching despair, crippling anxiety attacks and the bone-deep fear of quickly losing my home because I'm always two missed paychecks away from disaster. I know pretty much everyone is in the same boat, and my problems aren't unique or special.

But anything helps.

I have several hundred dollars in overdue bills from last month and it's already time for the next month's to start arriving. I feel so hopeless and I don't know what else to do besides resorting to begging.

I just set up a Ko-fi account - https://ko-fi.com/followmeontumblr

My Paypal is attached to this old email address - Nightshade518@yahoo.com

I have an Etsy shop with some things for sale - https://www.etsy.com/shop/PatchworkLaboratory

I also have a Spoonflower shop with fabric featuring my designs. [I only make $1.50 per yard that people buy though.] - https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/infamousdoctorf

And for anyone who was kind enough to read this whole thing- I do have some NSFW sketches I've drawn for "Eclipse Meets His Match" that I have nowhere safe to post. If you're bold enough to direct-message me with the line-

"I swear on all I hold holy that I am not a minor. Show me the art."

I'll let you see them. Thank you either way.

-Doc

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I'm a student about to start my second year, and me and all my friends are really nervous. It feels like first year was really rough for everyone all over the place and we're all really hoping for a better second year this year! Have lecturers been noticing that too? Do you think it's because of COVID?

Oh my god yes. Jesus yes. It's absolutely the covid effect, and we're expecting to see the disruption for the next five or so years, tbh - the current 18-21 year old undergrads went through the most important years of high school during a lockdown. That not only interrupted academic development (home schooling during a time of stress, massive disruption to exams and exam-taking skills, etc), it also enormously hit emotional development (mid to late teens have the highest socialising needs of the human lifespan, and no one could meet and interact with each other.) And that latter point is having a much bigger effect than the former.

Current undergrads haven't been able to develop the same resilience, the same approach to andragogic education, the same interpersonal skills for dealing with lecturers/fellow students. University is not like school; in school teachers are giving you the knowledge, and gradually encouraging you to try and use it to formulate your own opinions. In university, we're supposed to give you the framework to then go out and do you own research. The bulk of your education comes from you, not us; we're more like facilitators.

But, we're noticing that there's a far bigger skew now towards needing to get the answer right. Anxiety is higher, and so the fear of being wrong is much more crippling for these students, and that in turn means they're less willing/able to take charge of their own education and are more passive with it, wanting to just be fed the right answers so they can rote learn them and get the Good mark. And the disconnect between that and the reality of what lecturers are expecting is pretty big, it turns out, and is causing even more anxiety and stress. Record numbers of my students have started asking me to give their assignment drafts a quick look over, just to see if they're on the right track. Which, you know, I'm more than happy to do; but I do think it's a notable pattern change from three or four years ago.

If you're worrying on a personal level though, Anon, I have some Handy Tips if they're any use!

Remember: the idea of uni is that you are doing your own research and learning on the topics your lecturers describe. They're giving you the basics, but they're expecting you to look up examples, case studies, other research papers, etc. They want to see analysis. That's what gets you the good marks. If you simply describe the information you got in lectures and don't add anything, you'll struggle to rise out of a basic pass.

What's the fundamental point of your particular course? It's important to know this, because it'll tell you how to focus your assessments and exam answers. Just within the environmental sector, you could have Environmental Science (focus: academic exploration and research), Environmental Conservation (focus: applying the academic research to actual management and solutions), Environmental Impacts (focus: philosophy and ethics), etc. In all three, you might be given a paper about the latest IPCC report, but in the first you would focus on exploring all the research papers that formed the conclusion on climate change, in the second you'd focus on case studies around the world and the applicability/feasibility of the shared economic pathways that are going to fix the problem, and in the third you'd focus on the human impacts of both the problem and the proposed solutions. You may of course include elements of all of those, but your main focus should be chosen appropriately.

Keep your notes with copies of the lecture slides in nice ordered folders. Keep a bulleted list of the topics covered in each. This makes it far easier to go and double check the right info when you're stressed out

On that note, the best note-taking system is to add notes/comments to the lecture slides where you record clarifications and things the lecturer said (INCLUDING CASE STUDIES). Don't bother duplicating effort by writing what's on the slide.

I truly do know this is easier said than done, but don't leave your assignments until the last minute. Are you struggling with motivation? You need a study group. You need to body double.

And finally, the biggest: CONTACT STUDENT SUPPORT IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING. Every time I go to an exam board and we get to a student who has failed stuff, the first question the Academic Office asks is "Has this student been working with Student Support?" Even if they aren't that helpful in your uni, working with them means they know about the things you're struggling with, and that you've clearly been trying to work around the problems. That makes the Academic Office far, far more likely to take a lenient view of a student, rather than going "Well, clearly they just don't care then, withdraw them from the program." Your Student Support should be able to help you with counselling, study buddies, a support worker that can help you organise your time and interpret your assignment briefs correctly and give you interim deadlines, etc.

Oh, and remember to schedule in rest and downtime, just as much as study time.

And... honestly, you learned a lot in your first year. The learning curve is less steep in second year, even accounting for the academic rigour increasing. By now, you're basically used to things like referencing, routines, assignment formatting, etc. There are no more surprises, really. Now's the point you can get the bit between your teeth and run.

Anyway: good luck! And enjoy it as much as you can. University is hard, no doubt about that, but it can and should be fun as well.

[kenmakodz]

CANDID LOVE ˙✧˖📷

07. i hate men (except you two) ☆

writing in-between cuts!

yuuta practically flies to where his friends are, feeling horrible after seeing maki's tweet. he really does make them wait forever sometimes. it's not his fault! he just.. looses track of time... all the time.

"ah, the man of the hour finally arrives." maki teases, sitting up from the bench her and toge were sitting on. out of all his breath, yuuta bends over with his hands on his knees. "yes. here i am, heaving, because you two rushed me." a laugh rises from the boy beside him, paired with a small push. "isn't being dramatic my thing?"

the three begin walking, and yuuta feels as if the whole time, maki's eyes are burning holes into his side. he tries to ignore it until he cant anymore- eventually curiosity (and anxiety) gets the best of him. "why are you staring so much?" he asks, and notices as soon as he turns his head to her, suddenly her eyes are fixated on the sidewalk in front of them instead. she sighs, "i'm just shocked you didn't invite y/n, i was kinda hoping you would ask if she could come." yuuta stays silent, utterly confused. was it wrong to not invite her? i mean, we all consider her a friend- but by the way maki worded her text, it seemed like she didn't want her to come..? toge chimes in, realizing yuuta doesn't know what to say next. "yeah, last night, her and nobara were conspiring on the phone about this for like.. hours. you were supposed to invite her, and we were supposed to leave you two alone after a while" now, yuuta is even MORE confused. but, at least he conveys it in words this time. "what? why? i would've invited her, but it seemed like you didn't want her to come!" toge turns around to maki, giving her the most intense 'i told you so' look he's ever given. she brushes him off with a click of her tongue, despite knowing he's right. the rest of maki's words resonate in yuuta's head, and he continues. "also- what do you mean leave us alone?" maki sighs again, and yuuta wishes he could ignore the feeling of guilt pooling inside of him. they had a whole plan, and he'd ruined it. even more so, he unknowingly left out the girl he'd wanted to be with the most. "we're trying to get you to confess having a crush on her already." she says, in a matter-of-fact manner. yuuta scoffs at this point, already feeling like he'd ruined the whole night. "i don't need you guys to conspire for me. if i ever decide to confess to her, i will. getting us alone won't help either-- i was alone with her last night and still had crippling anxiety." the two friends laugh, and practically shrug it off.

"...did i do the wrong thing by not inviting her?"

"yeah, but it's okay."

the facetime call clicks on, and immediately yuuji's voice chimes through. "y/n!!" you laugh, setting your phone up next to you in a way that your friends can see your face. the next person to join the call was nobara, and you can tell she's fresh out of the shower. her hair is wet, and her camera is slightly blurry- from steam, you assume. "what's up bitches! yuuji, are you setting up the server?" an affirmative hum comes from the other end of the line, indicating that he is. nobara's phone gets noticeably closer to her face, and you can only feel like she's examining you.

...of course she is. "y/n, are you alright?" you nod, and smile back at your phone. "i'm okay, nobara. it's really not that big of a deal. they're just going downtown, and like megumi said, they were all friends before i came here." you notice yuuji's face starts to soften from the focused one he had on beforehand, seemingly feeling bad for you, yet not saying anything. she sighs, and puts her phone down to rub a towel through her hair. her voice echoes a bit due to her being far away. "you know, though. last night, maki and i made this big plan for yuuta to invite you out with them. i have no idea what happened to it." before you can respond, the sound of megumi joining the call resonates throughout everyones phones. it gives you a split second to feel an uncertain feeling run through your stomach. "do you think.. she told him about it?" you think out loud at this point, knowing your friends would never judge how you feel. "she very well could have, and he could've hated the idea of it." nobara's head shakes aggressively, and water droplets fly all over the camera. "shit! no- no, y/n. no way she told him, he was supposed to do it on his own accord. i guess he fucked up, i'm sure maki has told him now though." you scoff, "how is that supposed to make me feel better though?! that just means he wasn't even thinking about it." a long groan comes from the other girl once again, and she picks up her phone- her whole face filling the screen. if you weren't upset, you'd be laughing at the sight. "if what i hear from maki is the truth, this guy is literally whipped for you. you have nothing to worry about, he's just an idiot." she puts her phone down again, and walks off to most likely put her towel away. the call goes silent, and to the other two boys, it's obvious you're thinking to yourself. her and maki talk about me and yuuta? well, i'd be surprised if they didn't, but they think he likes me back? there's no way in hell he does if he forgot about me. you put your head in your hands, and now it's your time to groan. except, instead of an annoyed one, it comes out as frustrated and lovesick. "i hate men." you mutter, words muffled by your palms. both yuuji and megumi chime in with a synchronized "hey!" which makes you laugh, pulling your head up. "except for you two."

after playing for what seems like a few hours, a disconnection sound turns everyone's attention back to their phones. "who the hell disconnected?" nobara asks, grabbing her phone at the same time as you. yuuji gasps and begins typing rapidly. "it was megumi!"

you and nobara give eachother a knowing look, before you realize there are unchecked notifications on your phone. "oh, guys- yuuta texted me." your voice seems soft, but not upset. nobara hums, "what did he say?" the sound of phones chiming over the call seems to be her answer, you'd sent a screenshot of it. "i don't think i'm going to answer him.. not right now."

fun facts -> yuuta paced around his room, wondering whether or not he should ask maki if y/n could come. her text seemed passive-aggressive, but he could've just been overthinking it. he ultimately decided against it (despite really wanting her to be there), because he didn't want to make his friends uncomfortable. toge knewwww yuuta would do this after maki sent her text, and tried to convince her to just invite y/n herself. but, being her stubborn self, she didn't. drats!! foiled again :/

-> i hope there isn't too much writing...... but anyways ! miscommunication &lt;3

previous, masterlist, next [08. grow some balls!!]

taglist is open! @just-a-girlblogger @moryymor @swissy23 @hvnyacoded @sereniteav @k4romis @jayathelostdragon @h3rmess @olivandeee @lysaray @ari3000dontcare @raechu11 @marifujioka @nyxlai @sonicsolos @saltypuffin1040 @r0ckst4rjk @h8ani @lmaolmaolmao @maya-maya-56 @mittensdun @adrenova @pnkblueberry @morgyyyyyyy @chososwh0r3 @lunecqm @r4veeen @arivsx @levlucs-kiru @mellozhi @sad-darksoul @ichorstainedskin

if you are in bold, i am unable to tag you :( and if i forgot to add you, PLEASE YELL AT ME

⤷ �� kenmakodz

[hellkitepriest]

JON AND ALEX ACOUSTIC Q&A PT 2

they came back out and alex spent a solid minute rubbing the back of his shoulder in pain

alex: “i have crippling anxiety about being onstage ever, and in the break i was just texting my wife and she texted me “we’re all very proud of you for doing this” and just a string of laughing emojis…” he’s SO <3

chris hawkins asked jon about his vocal technique and i barely stifled a laugh COME ON WE ALL KNOW THIS BY NOW SURELY or maybe us lot are just the mad ones

“i spend all my time pulling my hair out trying to make sure the songs are good, whereas jon’s just like ‘nah, this is good enough’” “yep, that’s the dynamic”

alex on the insane deadline for mountainhead: “i would set my alarm for 3 or 4 in the morning, work for a few hours until my youngest woke up, take the kids to school, come back and work for a few hours, put the kids to bed at about 9, and then from 9 till about 3 i’d be working… and then i get a call from jeremy like ‘you know the fourth note on the fifth take i did the other day, yeah, can we just change that’… and then he’s like ‘huh, i wonder why alex is so angry all the time!’”

info for @wonky-venus specifically: alex and david kosten (who produced man alive and arc) text each other about talk talk a lot. alex: “i’m always just trying to make spirit of eden. i mean, who isn’t.”

they HAVE just signed a deal the other day so album 8 is REAL (“well it’s not… because we’ve not written any of it”)