#just can't put it into better words :///
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Maybe we never had a chance.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#a-yuan#Ultimately...despite how hard we try to reach people - sometimes it just is not possible.#Sometimes all you can do is wish that things could have been different. You pen a note with all the things you want to say -#and then you let it go. The words stay unsent and unspoken. You just watch the rift between you grow until you're too far away to try again#It is a sad end! It is two people who want to be closer but do not have the right capacity to do anything but shut doors.#Worse yet; it's two people who feel it is not their place to try and impose anything more.#It takes so long to heal from endings like that. You never get enough closure when there is still a faint hope of 'another day'.#It's a false amicability. It's closing a door and telling yourself that at least the windows are unlocked.#WWX will keep up his friendliness as a way to hold LWJ at a distance. LWJ can only try to help so many times.#Speaking of tragedies of trying to help; Let's talk about the addiction metaphors in this episode.#WWX tells LWJ in fairly straightforward terms that he does not *want* do be doing ghost cultivation.#What he wants is to protect people - by any means necessary. If he had another option he would take it.#The path WWX 'chose' is one that is deeply mired in external shame and taboo. He jokes about it but it clearly doesn't feel great.#And I put 'chose' in quotes because just like many who find them selves in bad situations - the choice is an illusion.#He's adamant that this is 'his' choice. That he is in control.#Better to be villainized that endure the terrifying reality that you lack any ability to have choice anymore.#If he had the choice - truly had the choice - he would not be doing this.#You can't help those who don't want to be helped. So of course all LWJ can do is watch from the side. Offer a hand when he can.#This life was a tragedy and the countdown to it all blowing up started a long time ago...
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swapped!spymaster yippeee
swap!missy / swap!saxon
#my art#dw swap au#doctor who#the master#doctor who fanart#dhawan!master#yasmin khan#13th doctor#and a bit of graham.#the kind of guy who genuinely wants to keep you safe but he just can't put into words. cause he's allergic to niceness#so he just screams at you instead.#yaz i'm so sorry. actually all swap!masters companions i'm so sorry. but at least they're better at keeping y'all safe
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Whilst overall I prefer the manga to the anime, there's one aspect that I think the anime does better - the very ending.
Compared to the manga's very compactly shown thoughts of the cast, the anime gives each of them a short scene.
But although that change already is great, what matters to me the most, is this added scene of Saiko.
Despite it being so short, it feels so fitting and important to Saiko's character, making its absence in the original seem wrong. (They also added Rifuta, though comparatively, her scene isn't so significant.)
#saiki kusuo#saiko meteori#rifuta imu#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k#i'm sure people must've said this before but i always think about this when reading through 281#although i prefer the anime's version i also think the original has its merits#i feel like putting (almost) all of the words/thoughts in one panel puts more focus on kusuo's feelings#and it also nicely shows how recognizable the characters are just by how they talk#but i think showing the characters one last time before the end works better as a send-off#(plus it works better visually for the anime)#and i'm glad the anime remembered about imu and saiko#this scene works well as a 'conclusion/ending' of sorts for saiko (though naturally it'd be better if there was more)#it'd feel more incomplete without it#the anime also added small bits of dialogue here such as toritsuka thinking “ i know you can't hear me” which is also a nice touch#i really like the epilogue and i find the anime's adaptation of it the best part of the anime#the anime rarely adds things; it mostly removes stuff#there are few added scenes in earlier seasons but it's really not as noticeable as the things they cut/shortened#but because the epilogue has a whole episode to itself - the pacing is much better allowing them to add additional stuff#on top of already adapting the manga well#ended up going on a small ramble by accident
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Eh, almost forgot ;~;; Commission for sweet @celestialrose3 ;;~;;; Thank you so much *bows*
#rottmnt#I am always very nervous when I draw commissions that are related to someone's story... how to explain it...#No matter how many times you might tell me that it's okay#I can't put it in the words because it sounds stupid and silly#but#you see#It's CAS#cass fanart tag#and it is commission#I ALWAYS FEEL NERVOUS TO POST COMMISSIONS YES I DID THEM FOR SOMEONE BUT they might be related to someone's story or comic and I sit and#think “Can I show it? Isn't it irritating? Am I even allowed to take commission related to it??” I“M SORRY I'M FIGHTING WITH THIS FEELING#ALL MY LIFE#okay no I can't explain it it's just my stupid brain that feels very nervous about such a topic and wants to hide everything related to it#You saw nothing but I just needed to put it into words to feel a little better about it#*hides*
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thoughts on the "say it scene" from hit indie game in stars and time?
oooooh you have no idea how much I love this scene hahahaha ehehehehhe hehehehehehenehehe rubs my hands together os so so so deviously
as the self proclaimed #1 king fan ever say it lives rent free in my brain just. constantly. it's SUCH A GOOD SCENE. the way it's written, how you can choose whether or not to say it and it has the same result but still feels differently, the way you're so caught up in the island and it's name and siffrin and the king that you don't realize COLOR just showed up in the MONOCHROME GAME until it's over......
ngl I think say it might be the most important or at least one of the most important scenes in isat. it doesn't just serve as a dramatic moment or character stuff or a pivotal point in the plot, it also ties the crumbs of the Island and the crumbs about the king that we've found throughout the House and kingquest and the game thus far all together. and it sets up that siffrin cares about the country too. if you say it, it's because he wants to remember as badly as the King does. and if you don't say it, they repeat that "it's gone, it's gone, it's gone!" and are agonized over it.
and in that moment, siffrin and the king aren't enemies. they're people from the same place, who lost their country, who miss their country, who have both ended up in vaugarde by chance, wanting and trying and dare I say wishing to remember what they had before.
#isat#in stars and time#isat king#the king isat#isat siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#isat spoilers#say it is such such SUCH a good scene I can't put it into words#the first time i played isat I was voice acting it with a friend. the friend was the king and I was siffrin#it was so so so so incredible and overwhelming to voice act in the moment. it felt like I WAS siffrin#and then i was in the meadow again and suddenly it clicked for me that I'd just seen COLOR.#and I think that made it even better#I love this game and every scene with the king. heart emoji
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I tried to give myself a little break from writing because I thought that's what I needed, but turns out the writing is load-bearing at this point. what I really needed was a break from writing stuff that I ever intend to polish up and show anyone. tapping out random comfort daydreams full of square brackets and 0 context is vitally necessary in fact
#talking#a while ago i was telling my therapist how i just can't do any kind of journaling even though i know it'd be good for me#and they were like hm but you've told me you feel like you understand yourself and what you're feeling better after you write fiction#so maybe that's your version of journaling#and I'm still very !! about this#I'm also mulling over a bunch of stuff idk how to put into words yet about like#the idea that writing should always be about Improvement#and that it's somehow a failure to have and start a bunch of ideas you never actually do anything with#vs that thing of like. creating as just a thing people do. like how birds sing#i have no coherent conclusions but the thoughts are sloshing around in my head like a washing machine you know
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the implications of mr compress drive me insane because i can easily read it as in some way or another, he probably felt he failed his bloodline, or that he couldn't shoulder that responsibility--- but instead, he chose to believe in someone who COULD, aka tomura. he saw revolution in a person and it was him. he could've tried to be the star of that show, but he instead raised up someone he saw great potential in, only showing the hand he was dealt when it was the end for him. i have seen a few things that imply he chose to work with tomura because of afo, but i don't think that's true, i think if anything someone of his lineage would be hesitant to do that--- afo and harima don't exactly have matching ideals, they may be radical to a degree but there's a difference between genocide and justice, and the league tomura creates has an entirely different energy to the way afo himself runs things. also if it's any level of literal that atsuhiro is inherently drawn to justice and what is right, then that implies he instinctually knew tomura had the potential to take on the legacy he felt he failed to uphold, enough so that he'd risk his life for him numerous times--- first costing him an arm, and then costing him his freedom.
judging by his words on people choosing their own fates, be they heroes or villains, as well as speaking of people's agency/personhood, it makes you wonder if he felt trapped in his own destiny too. he seems like he probably rebelled a bit when he was younger given his failed days as a magician, which doesn't feel all that prestigious for someone with his history. i can imagine he also sees himself in tomura, since they are both the heirs to some of the most prolific villains of all time--- if anyone understands the pressure he is under, it's atsuhiro. not to mention, mha has an obsession with using hands as a metaphor for things (particularly, oppression or freedom/affection), and though it's only in the anime, one of the few shots we get of kid atsuhiro is with his father's hands on his shoulders, guiding him to fulfill his legacy as harima's descendant, a thing he doesn't necessarily have a say in. it feels like it mirrors similar shots with afo and tomura, granted i'm not saying atsuhiro's father was some kind of tyrant, just that the insinuation of that pressure is there. while other villains were made by their circumstances or decisions, it was in atsuhiro's blood to rebel against the suffocating system they were born into.
him and tomura both having hand quirks also makes me think of another way they're similar. compression is a quirk that can be as dangerous as it is useful. we see that it can effortlessly maim others, which begs the question, what was it like learning that quirk? surely not easy or without consequence. that takes a lot of skill and precision. i think because of that, atsuhiro also makes for someone who probably wouldn't be afraid of or disgusted by tomura's quirk, which adds a further level of intimacy to them. he doesn't just see someone who destroys everything around him--- he sees new beginnings, and has the knowledge that from death, comes life itself. considering, despite his obvious skills in such, he isn't very keen on being a thief or violent for that matter, i feel like he's one of the few people to see and understand that tomura is not just the aggression and expectations that were made by afo--- he is his own person.
it also strikes me as suspicious that even though they needed as many allies as possible, he was never broken out of prison while other much more difficult people were pursued--- in the past he spoke out against the mistreatment of tomura and i feel like afo likely knew he was a risk to keep around, in the event he could not fully control tomura. so for as useful as he was, and could be, he was a liability, a part of tomura's humanity that couldn't be risked, especially when spinner was still around.

to close out, i don't think this was a last ditch effort, i think this is what he always knew to be his final act, he knew the curtain would fall with tomura, not him. tragically, he also probably knew none of them would realistically survive, but i think it was that fire that he saw in tomura--- a fire that could rival his great-great-grandfather--- that made him want to believe in him and drove him to do as much as he could. for all his theatrics and at times ridiculousness, his final act makes him feel like such a classically romantic character, someone willing to give everything up for the person he trusts and respects the most. i'll just never get over how utterly heart-wrenching it is to see atsuhiro's final panel be that wistful smile, still stuck in the same society that worships heroes.

#atsutomu#shigpress#shigapress#mr compress#mr. compress#atsuhiro sako#mha#sako atsuhiro#bnha#mister compress#boku no hero academia#my fanfics#my hero academia#flynn speaks#sometimes i go off about shigpress on twitter but this one was specially crafted for tumblr because of word limits#of course i've seen a few people analyze this in the past and say similar points but lmao#i'm honestly surprised the like fandom wiki for shig and his relationships includes plainly stating that atsuhiro felt like tomura could#take on the legacy of harima because it doesn't feel like anyone remembers that or it's just glossed over#while i have my qualms with how atsuhiro ended up; in a way it only makes sense. in his mind it was his mission to uplift tomura to victory#the others had their own reasons for their actions but atsuhiro's almost entirely revolve around believing in tomura to change society#which i guess for better or for worse parts of tomura's fate do that. but imagine how devastating it is to be atsuhiro#if he ever is let out of prison i can't imagine him being anything but a vigilante which imo i believe he was one prior to the league#just sad that even after all that hero society is still a game of money and theatrics. also there's the question of how are villains treate#like we already saw they're basically put into Hell incarnate and the system is rigged#i really would find it hard to believe it'd get any better. if anything the extreme decline of villains post-canon feels concerning#honestly they both make each other's stories more tragic#i would dare to tag this with the regular compress tags but this is mostly a character analysis directly regarding him with tomura#well actually fuck it i guess
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everyone: oh you're so lucky you get to stay home all the time!
me, chronically ill: ah. yeah. haha. lucky. i get to stay home. i don't get the fun parts of that though! i can't partake in my hobbies for more than an hour every two to three days :) i do get to watch a lot of tv though! oh you think that gets boring after a few hours? haha. yeah it fucking does. imagine that being the only thing you can do and then tell me how lucky i am
#cfs/me#fibromyalgia#chronic illness#functional neurological disorder#chronic pain#wrote 1k words in two sessions (15 min each) and then dared to take a full hour to start painting the back patch of my battle vest yterday#body didn't like that! it's also raining today so not only is the arm i painted with excruciatingly painful but so is the rest of my body!#staying home is so so so so so so fun haha isn't it when you literally can't do anything to alleviate the boredom!#i can't do shit i love all day every day. stay home for a week doing nothing and then tell me how lucky i am.#having a really rough day. yesterday was good so apparently i can't have more than one good day a week.#i also have to keep taking language classes if my residency gets sorted to receive aid even though we're moving#so what little i have to put towards things i enjoy i now have to divide towards class work too.#i've cried three times today i'm just so fucking tired and sad and it's so unfair i can't even do the stuff that brings me joy#brain so fried today i couldn't listen to music with my new headphones i've lived in for almost week. i'm that fucking spent today.#isn't that fun isn't it so fun to deal with this rather than going to work#god#i'd give fucking anything to not be like this i just want to not have to figure out what to spend my energy on#and i don't want to have to sacrifice the time i could put towards things that bring me joy#this is not living. for three years it's been oh i can do this when i get better or i could do that when i get better#doesn't seem like i'm getting better any time soon and in the meantime i can't even do things that make me happy.
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me when I realize how willing Alicent was to die for her son (she stood between him and a dragon. what was she meant to do? she could do nothing against a dragon. even if she shielded him from the flames, it wouldn't be enough to save him. she stood there, knowing if Rhaenys was set out to kill her son she would go with him. she stood there accepting that if her son died she would go with him. she would protect her baby with her last breath. she would go out holding his hand, head held high, bathed in fire because there was nothing she wouldn't do for her children):

#every time I think about them I cry#that whole episode is worth crying over#the whole scene was beautiful and tragic and heartbreaking#but the love she has for her son in that moment is just....#there are no words#she was always less fond of dragons#bordering a fear of them#but that didnt stop her#she didnt even hesitate#better yet she ran to him#putting him behind her snd taking hold of his hand#she faced off to Meleys#that takes gaul#my women#she was Mother#mother was mothering#in such a tragic way#and I can't handle it#alicent hightower#aegon ii targaryen#aegon targaryen#queen alicent#pro team green#hotd#house of the dragon#second post on this scene cause I need everyone to know how much it means to me
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Okay babes, Sang-woo is really growing on me and I need him to be both so sad and so happy, here's a wip <3

#like i keep thinking about him#can't really put my thoughts into words yet but i'm feeling lots of things about him#also just his death scene is so sad and devastating#lea's random thoughts#cho sang woo#cho sangwoo#sketchies#my wips#lyxchen's art#he deserved a whole lot better#lol sorry that gihun's nose is just randomly floating in the air like that but i haven't continued drawing this yet#squid game
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could we all just Be Nice and Respect Others actually please
#i don't like to comment on . anything happening like in the jashdom that isn't positive#it's not my place to do as such.#but#jesus christ they're kids. they're younger than I am they're 13 for crying out loud they shouldn't have to go through this stuff#i know anything on twitter is a cesspool but fucking hell. just. god. they're 13. they shouldn't have to worry about. god fuckin damn it#hope to everyone involved that everything gets better. i know just saying words doesn't do much at all.#wish I could help and not vague post on an alt acc. i don't know how to help#but yeah. everyone just please be kind to eachother and party on please#people on Tumblr you're mostly fine. ish. save for a couple of people but it's easy to avoid#jashtwt is actual hell. what do you have against kind talented wonderful people. fuck#anyways gotta put the nibbs persona back on. can't have people think i'm a real person i need to be fictional enough to fade away as needed
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I think of so many stupid shenanigans between Wriothesley and his daughters in the Addison Lee verse. They tell Wriothesley crazy shit all the time, their daddy-daughter secrets, and it drives Neuvillette nuts that Wriothesley won't snitch.
Sigewinne, whispering into his ear: Today at school I punched a boy because he was being mean. I waited until it was recess, and made sure that no one was watching, and I punched him. Everyone knows he is a liar, so noooo one believed him when he cried about it. And Sigewinne is aaaalways a superstar so Mr Vautrin didn't suspect a thing !
Wriothesley, mildly concerned: Uh huh.
Sigewinne: Papa would say Sigewinne has to be nice to everyone, but, Sigewinne thinks bullies need to get punched sometimes, b'cos, b'cos otherwise, they think everyone is just gonna let them be mean
Wriothesley: Y'know what. That's fair
#They tend to play with him more than Neuvillette because he can match their energies#but Neuvillette usually is who they'd run to when they#need calmness and comfort#at night. when they're all asleep. Neuv would pin his husband down and be like. Tell me. Tell me the secrets.#and Wriothesley is like Noooooooo snitches get stitches Neuv#obviously if it's serious he'd let him know. but. if Carole comes up to him and is like daddy I secretly put a roach in Mr Vautrin's lunch#he'd be like. Did he think it was yummy?#and Carole is like aheeheeehee noooo don't be silly !! It was a prank and the roach was plastic so he can't eat it anyway#ingital#also vautrin teaches all 3 of their kids#for like. first grade#so he's basically a family friend at this point#I also have this stupid#scene in my head. the Swear Jar. I imagine like swear words in the Wriollette household is a hotly debated topic. because Daddy say it#aaaaaall the time. And Wriothesley doesn't believe in banning words. He explains it to the kids when they ask but he's like. You can be#just as hurtful. if not more. with words that are not considered 'bad'. You can still be mean without saying fuck. The point is to be nice#and daddy is nice isn't he. even if he says bad words sometimes.#but neuvillette is like No. No Bad Words. It is considered socially inappropriate for your age group. When you are older#you can decide if you want to use them. however. there are some rules in the classroom and I do not want you girls to get into trouble.#if you get into the habit of cursing like your dad. it'd be hard to keep away from them when you are in class. and bad words frighten papa#so. I ask that you ladies do not use them.#but like I don't think. they'd Punish the kids. the swear jar isn't even like. a punishment. it is a swear tax. every time you say bad word#you have to pay the swear tax. and whatever's in the jar gets taken out for ice cream or whatever to make papa feel better#[ this is how wriothesley explain it ]#and it leads to stuff like. The girls being considerate to Neuvillette firstly (he isn't actually all that bothered he's more scared#of the social repercussions for the girls. But they think he's Scared Of All Bad Words)#so they'd be like. papa cover your ears. I am going to say frightening words. FUCK YOU TIMMY. and then they pay their swear tax#and when Wriothesley curse in front of Neuvillette. the girls are like stop it. you will frighten papa. pay the swear tax NOW#we must acquire the icecream for papa. lest he gets so frightened he runs away forever. and wriothesley is like oh shit yeah that'd be bad#and theyre like DADDY. STOP IT
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life goal is to somehow get called handsome by a beautiful beautiful woman hhhhhhhhhhh
#i say somehow bc well.. it's not really a word in my language#everything is very very not gendered here yk? WHICH IS A GOOD THING OVERALL YES but i just....... sigh#okay technically there is a word but ppl don't really use it#being called that online is very good too though do not get me wrong this is the only place it can happen#i just wish i could pass a little better irl#actually i need to shut up i can't whine abt it since i don't really put any effort in that either lmao#can't even wear a binder or anything hhhhhhhhhhhh#mayor of loserville
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The hair is hairing✨
#interview with the vampire#if evil why pretty#iwtv spoilers#(not really)#but#spoilers in tags#so. one thing I'm worried that's happening is that the show is trying to make it seem like lestat was sooo much better#(which I don't really think is happening but I can see how easy it would be to go in that direction)#(unfortunately Louis just seems to be a toxicity magnet 💀)#I did like how Armand didn't tell louis that lestat loves him#he DOES NOT need to hear that#gotta move on man#I feel like after every episode I'm like 'man 🐴'#I have more thoughts but I can't put them into words#at least not right now#assad zaman#the vampire armand
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I have developed a new litmus test for Media Literacy and People I Wanna Hang With
Do they hate Skylar White of Breaking Bad for being dramatic and unreasonable
Do they think Arlecchino from Genshin Impact is an abusive parent
Do they think Silco from Arcane made Zaun worse
Answering yes to any of these questions results in immediate disqualification for having respectable opinions. To me.
#daily life with mercy#I have arguments for all three of them adslfj#and I feel strongly enough about all three#and generally speaking!#disagreeing on these very sensitive topics IS a good indicator of whether we can have constructive conversation#Note the wording#It's not about “do you think Skylar is annoying”#...answering yes to that still puts you on my squinty eye list but it's more forgivable#you can think someone is annoying while still acknowledging they are in a lot of pain#“Abusive” is a very particular term highlighting a pattern of behavior#You do better for those kids than Arlecchino did while challenging the system you grew up in lmao#we can have a civil discussion about good vs bad parenting#but that's not abuse. That's a bad situation#and thinking Silco made Zaun worse is just. Not having eyes. Or a functioning brain#sorry man. It was an EVEN WORSE shitshow before he showed up and took over#we can have a civil discussion over whether his end justified his means but you can't deny that he improved the gang wars and pollution#as evident by: EVERYTHING GETTING WORSE WITH HIS DEATH
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You're a braver man than I am yet a coward just the same;
Oh, tell me, when the curtain falls, which one of us they'll blame?
Oh yes, I gave the order; oh yes, the blood is on my hands,
But you, who would refuse me, will be on that witness stand:
Mark my words, my bloody boy, you might have stood aside-
You stood aside and lifted not one finger to save their sorry hides.
It's not enough to drop the knife; you must also wield the shield;
Stand yourself between I and them, and then refuse to yield.
'Twas I who gave the order, yes; 'tis I who'll lose my head,
But you the one who stood and watched as the streets turned crimson red.
Don't play innocent, my boy; you always knew the stakes;
Don't think that merely standing by will be enough to earn escape.
It's do or die, so don't you try to wriggle out of this;
This time you have but two choices to pick out from the list.
There is no middle road. There is no merely standing back.
Either they'll believe that you were with me, or you'll defend from my attack.
#poetry#poem#my writing#writing#spilled words#ramblebrambleamble#poeticstories#spilled poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#i am so goddamn sick of the news. there's a lot of nuance in the world but sometimes you have to pick. one or the other. no you can't choos#not to pick; if you choose not to pick then by default you are on the side of the worst option because you have failed to choose the option#that would have prevented it. stop being so fucking precious#it's not enough to drop the knife (not pick the bad option) you must also wield the shield (choose the better option#or the lesser of the two evils if that's how you want to put it.) by the wyde you people piss me off#if you do not wield the shield you will be obligated to explain to scribes of history why you just stood and watched while everything burne
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