#the whole scene was beautiful and tragic and heartbreaking

[dirtytransmasc]

me when I realize how willing Alicent was to die for her son (she stood between him and a dragon. what was she meant to do? she could do nothing against a dragon. even if she shielded him from the flames, it wouldn't be enough to save him. she stood there, knowing if Rhaenys was set out to kill her son she would go with him. she stood there accepting that if her son died she would go with him. she would protect her baby with her last breath. she would go out holding his hand, head held high, bathed in fire because there was nothing she wouldn't do for her children):

[prodbymaui]

Fraying Hearstrings

we were so beautiful, we were so tragic

The saying goes that time heals all wounds, yet with every tick of the clock, it feels like the cuts in your heart become shallower while the pain only burrows deeper.

“That was so embarrassing. Why would you do that?” Jaehyun's voice slices through the tension in the room, sharp and unforgiving, as he tosses his things onto the sofa, hastily following after you. His hair is disheveled, the stress showing in the wrinkles of his crumpled dress shirt.

“Embarrassing? Really, Jaehyun?" you snap, turning to face him. Your finger jabs into his chest before his hand grips your wrist with a force that’s all too unfamiliar. You flinch, momentarily stunned by the person in front of you—your husband, or at least, the man who used to be.

“Yes! You were embarrassing,” he seethes, shoving your arm away. “Throwing a tantrum like some kid who didn’t get their way? In front of my colleagues, my boss—God! Do you ever think before pulling stunts like that?”

He scoffs, letting his gaze rake over your tear-streaked face with a disdain that cuts deeper than any words.

“Or were you too busy trying to prove you were ‘right’ with your baseless accusations?”

A bitter laugh escapes you, disbelief spreading across your features. You cross your arms, trying to shield yourself from the hurt threatening to spill out. "Baseless? Are you kidding me, Jaehyun? I saw you, with another woman, sitting on your lap!"

"Keep your voice down. The kids are asleep!"

You scoff, voice trembling with both rage and heartbreak. "Now you care about the kids? After everything, you suddenly care about them? Is it because you're scared they'll realize their parents' marriage is a farce, that it’s not as perfect as we pretend it is? Or is it because you’re scared they’ll figure out their father’s a lying, cheating bastard?”

You stand there, the air thick with tension, your heart pounding as Jaehyun’s expression shifts from anger to something almost unreadable. For a moment, it seems like he might say something—apologize, perhaps, or at least try to explain himself. But instead, he just runs a hand through his hair, frustration etched into his features.

“Look, can we just—” he starts, but the words die on his lips when you shake your head, the gravity of the situation pulling you further from him.

“No,” you reply, your voice steadier than you feel. “You don’t get to just brush this off. I can’t believe you’d think I’d let it slide after what I saw.”

He opens his mouth to argue, but you hold up your hand, cutting him off. “I deserve better than this, Jaehyun. Better than to be treated like a fool. You’ve made your choice.”

His eyes flash with something that looks like guilt, and for a brief moment, it feels like you’re peering into the depths of his soul. But then he masks it with defiance. “You’re overreacting. You don’t know the whole story!”

“Then tell me!” you challenge, desperation creeping into your voice. “What could possibly justify you sitting with another woman like that?”

He falters, his bravado slipping as he grapples with his own defense. “It wasn’t what you think. She was just—”

“Just what?” You interject, your voice rising with frustration. “Just a friend? Just work-related? I’m done with the excuses!”

Jaehyun’s shoulders tense, his anger flaring again. “You think you can just accuse me and then walk away? This is ridiculous!”

“Ridiculous? You’re the one who was caught! You’re the one who made a fool out of me!” 

The room crackles with tension, each word throwing more fuel on the fire. “Maybe you should have thought about that before you made such a scene!” He shoots back, his voice rising.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t so careless!” You yell, frustration boiling over. “You’ve turned this marriage into a joke, and I’m sick of it!”

He scoffs, shaking his head. “You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to be here fighting with you? Maybe we’re just better off apart!”

The words hang in the air, sharp and stinging. You freeze, your heart racing at the sudden clarity in his statement. 

“Are you serious right now?” You demand, disbelief etched on your face.

“Yeah, I am!” He snaps back, anger and hurt twisting his features. “Maybe we’re just tired of trying to fix something that’s already broken!”

A bitter silence follows, the realization settling in like a heavy weight. You look at him, eyes blazing, and for the first time, you see how worn down he truly is. 

“Fine,” you say, voice trembling with emotion. “If that’s how you feel, then maybe we should just stop fighting it.”

“Maybe we should,” He replies, his voice cold and distant.

With that, the air between you shifts, the warmth of your connection replaced by a chilling reality. You turn away, tears threatening to spill as you grapple with the decision that has emerged from the chaos. This fight may have revealed the truth you both have been too afraid to confront: it’s time to let go.

[localplaguenurse]

Falling Head over Heels (Pantalone x Male Reader) pt 8

WE ARE FUCKING BACK! (I immediately started hacking my lungs after typing this, I'm sick :P)

To make a long story short, for the past few months I've either been really busy, really depressed, and usually both. Also for some reason chapter 8 was already hard to write and I don't know why.

ALSO before we get into the fic, @your-local-furby drew some absolutely lovely fanart of MC apologizing and seeing the library from the previous two chapters. I think it finally kicked my brain back into gear lmao.

Without further ado, please enjoy!

@thedeimoshimself @eli-chris

It feels like the ground beneath me is sucking me in.

I feel myself sinking,

I wish the ground would swallow me whole.

Embarrassment washes over me and swallows me whole. I feel the air leave my chest I want to break free but I feel like I’m drowning. 

You take the page you’re scribbling your notes on and crumple it into a ball. You’ve reread your rough draft and decided the arranged wedding scene you had planned wasn’t tragic enough. The blind musician is tasked with performing for the prince’s wedding, but his heartbreak causes him to mess up his performance, which causes everyone to notice he’s crying, including the prince. You’re trying to convey the feeling of knowing every single person in the room is watching you during the lowest point in your life, but it’s just not coming together in a way you like. You’ll run it by Alik later.

Technically, Alik is no longer your editor as a result of your deal with the Yae Publishing House. Still, they’re one of your few friends, and their workload has lightened since your previous publisher terminated all of those other book deals. Now they’re acting as your beta reader before you send off the next draft to the editor at the Yae Publishing House. It’s actually making progress go a lot faster, so much so you might only need one final draft of the whole story before it’s finally published, as opposed to multiple drafts. 

I do not need sight to know everyone in the room is looking at me. I feel it in my broken notes that trail into nothingness. I feel it in the resulting silence. I feel it in the quiet murmur spreading through the room.

I feel tears in my eyes as I drop my head down, praying no one sees me crying. If I could, I would sprint out of the room, out of the palace, so no one is witness to my heartbroken embarrassment. I’d run so fast, the prince would have no time to chase after me. It would be for the best anyways. He deserves his perfect and beautiful bride, and I am no bride, I cannot verify if I am beautiful, and in this moment, I could not feel anymore flawed as a person and human. 

A knock on your door breaks your concentration. You’re dreading whatever is on the other side, but know it’s better to get this over with. 

“Yes?”

The door opens, and your mother pokes her head in through the gap. She offers a smile. “We have company. Come say hi, please.”

“I’m… kind of in the middle of something,” you reply, “and I’ve told you that I’m going to see Alik when I’m done writing.”

“How is she, by the way?”

“They’re fine.”

“And Maria? How’s she?”

“She’s alright, I think. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Well, tell them both I say hello. Anyways, if you have a minute, I would like you to come downstairs. There’s someone I’d like you to talk to.”

It takes you a moment to recognize what this is, mostly because it’s been a while since she tried pulling this off. When you realize what’s happening, you just shake your head and look at your mother. “Which family friend is this?”

She gives you a very unconvincing look of confusion. “My dear, what do you mean?”

“Mother, please.”

“... Ana. Anastasia.”

Anastasia is your younger sister Adéla’s friend. Much like your sister, she’s only a year younger than you, but unlike your sister, she actually likes you. Adéla and you have butted heads throughout your lives, as siblings tend to do and especially with such a small age gap, but Adéla has taken it a step further saying that it’s your fault her childhood was so “miserable” as she puts it. She claims that your diagnosis made you the centre of your parents’ attention until your youngest sister was born, and then they focused more on her than Adéla. Conveniently, she’s never had any sisterly drama with her, only you. You feel for her, but there was only so much you could do at the time, seeing as you were eight years old.

“Absolutely not,” you tell your mother.

“But you two got along so well when she would visit,” your mother insists, “and she’s become a fine young lady since the two of you last spoke! Don’t you remember reading together when you two were little?”

“I’m sure she’s beautiful,” you say, “but Adéla will throw a fit if she finds out you set me up with one of her friends.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And I don’t want to find out,” you tell her, “and I told you I don’t like being set up on dates.”

Your mother lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just worried about you, okay? I want to make sure my son is happy, healthy, and I want him to find someone he can settle down with. Your brother was already married at your age, and Adéla’s going to be having another baby soon.”

“Yes, but I’m not Pavel or Adéla,” you say, “the dating scene is different for me, and playing matchmaker isn’t going to make me feel any better or help me.”

Your mother just looks at you. That sad, pitiful look you know all too well. It stopped pulling on your heartstrings long ago, but sometimes it’s just easier to indulge her than it is to fight her on it. Besides, she means well, you think, it just can’t be helped that she doesn’t know her son has no interest in women.

You sigh, and stand up, much to your mother’s delight. “I’ll say hi, and that’s it.”

She grins, and she motions for you to follow her.

----

“... and she just happens to be single, too.”

Alik sets their glass down. “Interesting. So when’s the wedding?”

“It’s not happening,” you reply, “thank the Tsaritsa for that.”

“I’m honestly surprised your parents haven’t put you in an arranged marriage yet,” Alik comments.

“How many viable marriage candidates do you think there are that would be thrilled to marry someone who’s not only going blind, but could pass it on to their children as well?”

“Depends on how much the family is getting paid.”

“And it would not be much.”

The tavern is surprisingly quiet tonight. You chalk it up to it being the middle of the work week, not as many patrons willing to get drunk if they have work early in the morning. Currently, you and Alik are sitting at a table in the corner of the room while a few older patrons mill about, chattering on about their own lives at the bar. It’s actually rather nice, you think.

“What would they try to sell your bride to be on?” Alik asks.

“Um…” You look into your half drunk glass, trying to think of something funny. You clear your throat, straighten your posture, and put on your best business smile. “Here’s a fine young man who has no real work skills, and it’s not like they would do him any good since he’s considered legally blind and has between thirteen and fifteen years before he is fully blind. His only profitable skill is writing, though he doesn’t make enough to support a household. His blindness is also genetic!”

“By the Archons, at least say one nice thing about yourself,” Alik teases, though there’s a subtle sincerity to their words.

“I think I’m decent,” you say, “I think I might even make an okay husband, but I don’t think I’d be the kind of husband Pavel or my father are.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Alik replies, “there are plenty of families and couples where the husband isn’t always a provider. Besides, you’re not really a ladies man to begin with.”

You shake your head. “It’s not even that, it’s just… you know I try not to make a big deal of me going blind, but it’d be naïve of me to pretend that it’s not, and especially if I was in a relationship. Whether I like it or not, whoever I marry is going to inevitably become my caretaker. There will come a day where I’m going to need help, and I’ll rarely be able to return that favour.”

“That’s why it’s in sickness and in health,” Alik comments. They reach across the table and take your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a good house husband, before and after you start seeing the world how Maria does.”

Maria is Alik’s cousin, and one of your few very close friends. She has been a big help to you in writing your book as her blindness is similar to the main character’s. While he was born blind, she actually had vision when she was born. Unfortunately, she suffered a very severe head injury when she was very young. She has little to no memory of her life before she lost her sight as a result, as well as having some developmental problems growing up. These days she’s doing much better, though her eyesight is still gone. At most, she can detect if there’s light, but that’s the extent of it. 

“Do you have permission to make jokes about her being blind?” you ask.

“I not only have permission, but that’s not even the worst joke I’ve gotten away with.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“For the best.”

Your table goes quiet as you and Alik take a moment to drink. You try not to cringe at the taste of whatever the hell Alik recommended you try. It’s a beer, and you can taste that, but it’s a lot more bitter than you like. Still, they bought it for you, it would be rude to spit it out.

“You don’t have to drink that, you know.”

“It’s an acquired taste, I’ll get used to it.”

You see a smile twitch onto Alik’s lips, and even if they try to hide it, you can see a shit eating grin from miles away. 

“Okay,” you say, “out with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You thought of something terrible, I want to hear it.”

Alik glances around the room, assessing how audible their comment would be. You take a sip of your drink, and they grin.

They lean in. “I’m sure Pantalone would be happy to hear that.”

You immediately sputter, spraying Alik in the face. They yell, swiping at their face as if they were sprayed with acid. You cough as what was left in your mouth goes down the wrong pipe. “Fuck, w-why’d I take a drink–”

“Did you have to spit that in my face?” Alik asks.

“Shut up,” you wheeze out. You give one more hearty cough, your throat and chest burning, and you can breathe again. You sit up, rubbing your chest through your shirt while Alik wipes their face and the table with napkins. You look around, and see the few patrons staring at your table. You painfully chuckle, and turn back to your friend. “S-Sorry, I should know better by now.”

Alik shrugs. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

“I told you that in confidence,” you whisper.

“You actually told me before the tea party,” Alik tells you. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s starting to show in your book.”

You feel your face flush, and you narrow your eyes. “I think I would know if I was writing about him, thank you.”

“The prince was a lot more arrogant in your first drafts,” Alik explains, “but in more recent iterations, it’s been toned down a lot. He’s also a lot more understanding of the musician’s blindness.”

You’re confused. “Well, yes. My first drafts are years old, so I’ve had to make some adjustments to better fit my writing style now. Besides, I’ve read too many stories about asshole love interests that don’t really learn anything, they just get tragic backstories that authors think justify their shitty behaviour. I’m not adding my characters to that pile.”

“No, I agree on that,” Alik says, “but even then, he was still a solid character, arrogance aside. He was just a spoiled prince who had to actually think about other people for the first time in his life. Like he’s never had to deal with someone with a disability, and doesn’t know how else to feel other than annoyed. In the more recent drafts, he still doesn’t know how to deal with it, but he’s a lot more willing to make up for the disrespect, where the old version did it, but complained the whole time. It just so happens that this change happened right when you met him for the first time.”

“That’s… hm.” You take a sip and don’t spit it in Alik’s face. “You’re on the right track, but I don’t think I was writing all of that because of a crush.” You feel your face flush warmer again. “He was a bit of an ass at the party, but since then he’s become one of…” You take a moment to count names on your finger. “... six or seven people that aren’t patronizing about me going blind. I’d just been putting up with most of my family either coddling me or being inconvenienced by me, but he’s a rare instance of someone making accommodations, but not making a big show of it. That’s why the book was like that until I met Pantalone.”

You stare into your glass. “And… a-and it’s why I enjoy his company so much…”

Alik doesn’t say anything. You look up, and you see their expression has softened a little bit. They lift their drink up to you, and you smile and lift yours up.

“Cheers.”

You both take a swig, and somehow the disgusting drink tastes sweeter going down. Your face feels warm, and you wonder why you’re still blushing when you see you’re already halfway through your drink. Alik has a similar glow in their cheeks. 

“That’s really sweet and cute,” Alik says, “but I do have to ask you something.”

You feel whatever warm feelings you’re feeling lessen when Alik’s softened expression gains a hint of concern. Their smile looks awkward by comparison, before they sigh and lose it altogether. You’re already dreading what they’re about to say.

They hesitate for a moment, and when they speak, it’s in a whisper. “Do you like him, or do you like what he’s done for you?”

“W-What?”

“I wouldn’t ask that if we were talking about anyone else,” Alik clarifies, “but I have to ask when it’s him. I don’t want to rain on your parade, I’m happy you like someone, but… he’s a harbinger. One of the more likeable ones, but not without flaws.”

“I know…”

Alik sighs. “Look, if it were some other handsome rich man, I’d say go for it. The fact it’s a harbinger specifically makes me a little worried, I won’t lie.”

You sound like my mother. “It’s a crush, not an engagement,” you tell them. “We enjoy each other’s company while he works with my father and sister. I just enjoy it differently than he does.”

“Still, even as friends, I’d be cautious. If not for what he’d have planned, then for what others might have in store for him.”

You take a swig. “You want to know what’s funny? You’re the first person to bring up his enemies as a point for why I shouldn’t get near him.”

“I am not.”

“No, seriously. My mother doesn’t want me near him because he’ll probably, I don’t know, kill me or sell me or steal my ideas, depends on the day. My father thinks I’ll ruin everything those two have built together, which I still don’t know why Pantalone is working with him.”

“Maybe your dad’s indebted to him or something.”

“...”

Alik notices your silence. They say your name in a soft voice, seeming worried by your expression. Your father’s not in debt, is he? The business isn’t as prosperous as it was when you were little, but job markets change all the time, and the economy is ever fluctuating. It’s purely the result of what happens when a business runs for as long as it does. Sometimes an empire doesn’t crumble, but rather dies slowly.

“Hey, are you okay?”

You snap out of it. “I’m, uh, I’m fine.” You push your seat back and stand. “I’m just, um, I’m going to go to the washroom for a second.”

“... Okay? Just watch yourself.”

“I’ll be fine,” you call out over your shoulder before immediately bumping into someone. Unlike with Pantalone, you actually manage to catch yourself before you fall. You know that Alik is holding their head in their hands, possibly stifling laughter too for a little extra salt in the wound.

“Archons, sorry,” you immediately blurt out, “I didn’t see you there.”

The ginger haired man laughs. “Oh, no worries comrade! Just be more careful next time!”

You stare at the man, eyes widening. His smile grows, almost reaching the dull blue of his eyes.

“Why the surprised face?” he asks jovially.

You sigh and shake your head. “I have got to stop meeting harbingers like this.”

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#17: You Led Me Here (S7E12)

Of course Say Yes has found it’s way back to the list. 😊 This is such a powerful and important conversation between these two. And the scene is stunningly acted from them both. It’s moving every time I see it and while it’s heartbreaking that this van scene ended up having some foreshadowing with the fact that Rick and Michonne will in fact “lose” each other 2 seasons later, it also is such a beautiful declaration of how much they love, respect, trust, need, and believe in each other. Rick and Michonne have had such a valuable impact on each other and this scene depicts how aware they are of that...

First, I love how Rick wanting to extend this trip with Michonne came up consistently in so many Say Yes scenes. And it’s super sweet that he wants her to know how much he loved this time with her when he pulls the van over and says he could've gone a few more days and would have liked that.

He knows Michonne's feeling a lot rn, and he wants her to know that while that was a scary moment with the whole Walker/deer thing, the overall honeymoon trip has still been everything they could’ve wanted.

If they could’ve stayed on this run for a month, homeboy would have been down for it, I'm telling you lol. He so openly loves her and wants to be around her. He has for seasons, and I love that post-canon he now gets to more directly express that.

Then Rick just breaks my heart and boosts my respect even more when he admits to her that he hasn’t been sleeping thinking about what they lost and thinking about his friends.

I love that Rick is always so willing to be vulnerable with her and let her see his most human side.

Side note: Another thing I think about is how in the TWD pilot, Rick talks with Shane and shares that while in front of Carl, Lori asked Rick if he even cares about her and Carl at all. It’s a line that intentionally has some real irony to it, as throughout this series we see Rick go on to demonstrate just how much he unquestionably cares about and will do anything for his family. But clearly, because Rick and Lori weren’t actually each other’s person there’s this inability to truly understand each other. It’s really one of TV’s most compelling depictions of a fail-marriage if you ask me. And I noticed that Lori always felt like Rick didn’t open up and show his care enough for her liking, which just makes me think about how much Rick grew over the seasons and how much Michonne brought out a side of him that was so different than with Lori. You know Rick found his true person in Michonne because he is always so willing to express himself with her. He shares his fears, his pain, his secrets, his hopes, and especially his adoration for Michonne always. And I just love seeing that Rick knows he can let Michonne into every part of his heart. 😊

And Michonne is always so willing to be there for Rick in these vulnerable moments like the one in this van because, upon hearing this, she immediately reacts and puts her focus on him, allowing what he’s sharing to resonate even above the personal state she’s in.

You can just see how much she feels for Rick and doesn’t take it lightly that he’s confiding in her right now.

Ok so then this is when these two don’t take their foot off the gas when it comes to getting me emotional as heck. Cuz Rick opens up about Glenn which is already just heartbreaking to hear them talk about him, but then he says how Glenn saved him but he couldn’t save Glenn. And it’s just tragic. 😢

Like you really feel the weight of this loss when Rick says this, and it’s painful knowing he feels almost like he let Glenn down by having to just sit there and not save him in the lineup.

Then when Rick says “it’s normal I know that” cue my tears because seeing him get teary trying to grapple with these heavy emotions and remind himself it’s normal to be stuck on it is just so heartrending. Like the way Michonne is looking at him at this moment is how I’m looking too. You just feel for the guy. 😢

(Another side note: I’ve seen people dismiss Say Yes as filler, but I actually think there’s important things that happen in this ep. I mean, even if the episode was just a time of levity for Rick and Michonne to enjoy their love and have some well-deserved alone time on their honeymoon before the war, I’d personally still have been sat and satisfied. But regarding the series, this is where we get valuable insight into two very important characters' mindsets about the looming war, their recent losses like our baby Glenn, and about life, which is necessary to see imo. And this particular Say Yes scene plants a seed for the show's future as we see Rick essentially choose a successor for who he thinks is most fit to lead the people if something were to happen to him. Which is notable. And, of course, Rick's choice of who should lead the others forward is his own leader - his exceptional wife. 🤗)

When Rick says they went through something that’s not cured, Michonne does just the most heartfelt thing as she softly places her hand on his face and whispers, "Rick, I’m sorry."

I adore the way she comforts him. The way they always hear each other and are present with each other. The way she sees him feeling so much and just instinctually reaches for him and expresses empathy. It’s beyond beautiful. 

And then it’s Rick’s turn to do the sweetest thing ever when he looks at her with so much love in his eyes and takes her hand and kisses it. It’s similar to when she did the same and kissed his hand in a very special scene earlier in the episode (oh we’re gonna talk about it 😋).

The way Rick cherishes Michonne is so evident as he kisses her hand and continues to hold it close to his chest. I’ve always adored how Rick and Michonne are these fearless warriors to everyone else but with each other that’s their baby who they would do anything to care for and protect. And that profound love for the human in front of them was on display in these two gestures from them. 

Rick tells her how they’re going to fight the saviors. He says that’s what happens next, and they’re gonna lose people, maybe a lot of them. I’ve always felt like there’s this layered sadness in Rick finally having to talk to Michonne about the real possibility of this war not ending how they hope it will.

Because throughout this ep, Rick so enjoyed seeing Michonne happy and he wanted to stay present in this positive bubble with her. But as the trip concludes, and as Michonne has now learned that losing Rick could potentially make her empty out to the point of dropping her katana in the face of walkers, Rick now knows he has to let talk of unfortunate possibilities in this war enter into their bubble.

And while it’s not fun to talk about, I appreciate how he still holds her hand throughout this cuz he’s comforting her while knowing this topic is not something she or he really wants to consider. But as the leaders, it’s a discussion that has to be had.

Then Rick says how they may even lose each other. Which again, how Michonne reacts is how I react because we are not trying to hear that.

She turns away and stays quiet because both her winning mentality and her love for Rick won’t even allow her to entertain the idea of losing the love of her life.

But Rick isn’t wrong. It’s possible. And I just like that he puts them in their own category because there are the people they love - and they really do love their people - but the idea of losing each other specifically is a very unique type of devastating for them. 

Rick says, "Even then...it’ll be worth it" and, watching it back, maybe it’s just me but I really do hear something in his voice that says he’s not 100% convinced about that point. But he’s trying to believe it and help her believe it too because he knows how distraught she became thinking she lost him and wants to remind her the fight has to continue even if she’s without him.

And if I wasn’t shedding big tears before...this next part happens.

After shaking her head at the notion of losing each other, Michonne starts to open up as she says, “When I thought that…” and just the trailing off alone is gonna break me every time. Because she can't even bring herself to say the words of thinking he was gone.

And then Michonne pauses and turns to him and, in the most devastatingly beautiful and vulnerable way, says, “I can’t lose you.”

When I tell you I react to that moment like I’ve never seen it before every time. My heart breaks every time. 😭 The love she has for that man is just so deep, and that was so extremely clear in this moment. I’m shedding a tear every time I hear it idc. 

Like wow. It’s such a big deal for Michonne to feel this and express this. She was the ultimate lone wolf when we were introduced to her. This was a woman who had lost so much so abruptly at the refugee camp and felt she had to then keep people at a bit of a distance to avoid being heartbroken yet again.

To see how far she’s come to have opened herself up so fully to team family, and to the Grimes family, and particularly to Rick to the point that now she loves him so much she feels she can’t lose him. It's so meaningful.

And this actually speaks to Michonne's strength because her strength isn't just derived from her katana or her ability to fight and survive - Michonne's strength is also radiantly reflected in her willingness to be vulnerable and open her heart up again even despite the risks.

When I tell you this well-rounded character is an inspiration. I stay looking at Michonne (& Danai) like...

And then y’all, those magnets seem to be kicking in cuz Rick is getting as close as he can to her to remind her that he hasn’t forgotten what she said when she asked him what kind of life they had just surrendered. I love that one thing Rick will never do is forget Michonne or anything she's ever said or done. 😊

Rick expresses that he agrees it wasn’t a life, but what they did while out on this run (and I do think he means everything they did on this run 😋) and fighting for their kids and the communities is what living really is.

It’s precious seeing Michonne nod through tears as she agrees with him about how making a future for their daughter, Judith, and Glenn and Maggie’s baby and fighting the fight is living. Rick repeats her words from earlier in the ep by bringing up 'fighting the fight' which is sweet.

Again, Richonne tones for the win as Rick tells Michonne that she is the one who showed him that’s living. I love that he always gives her so much credit and acknowledges the positive influence she has on him. Not only does he trust her to have this power in his life but also to straight up tell her she has this power in his life because Michonne would never use her influence for bad or to manipulate.

Rick says she can lose him, and Michonne and I really just be on the same wavelength lol, cuz when she turns and says "no," I felt that. Like even though she knows they have to fight for the future, she still loves Rick so much that she doesn’t want losing him to be on the table. 

But Rick says she can and that he can lose her. As I’ve noted before, it’s def meant in a literal sense of a physical possibility of losing each other rather than an emotional ability to lose each other and be fine. 

He softly places his hand on her as he shares they can lose friends, and people they love, and while we hadn’t heard 'I love You’s' by this point, you still just knew how aware they were of how in love they are on this trip.

Interestingly, Rick says, "it’s not about us anymore." The "anymore" makes me think it's said that way because at one point it was somewhat about them for Rick. Not losing Michonne, Carl, and Judith and having more time with them was a big reason why Rick didn't want to fight beforehand.

Then it is a very big deal when Rick tells Michonne that she’ll have to lead the others forward if he doesn’t make it because she’s the one who can. He says it with such conviction, and I adore how much he wholeheartedly believes in her. 

Michonne is truly so perfect in Rick's eyes and so capable. They are each other's biggest fans in the best way.😊

After all this time spent as the head leader, Rick entrusts Michonne most to pass the baton to in his absence. They’re such equals, and he knows that she can carry the torch and continue doing what he has dedicated his life to doing - which is leading the others forward. 

It’s powerful and also heartbreaking foreshadowing that she’ll have to do just that when he’s taken away. But seeing Michonne protect their ungrateful community post-Rick’s departure was heartwarming to me because it felt like her honoring what Rick shared with her in this van in 7.12.

Michonne asks how he knows she’s the one who can and then Andy just perfectly delivers the line, “Because you led me here” Powerful. I adore that the scene ends on this. It is so moving and so fitting for Rick to acknowledge the way Michonne has led him here.

Michonne has truly led him in so many ways, and I love that Rick is fully cognizant of that and seems so happy to look at her and let her know the immense impact she has. Rick is always going to give Michonne her flowers. Always. 😌💐

It’s great seeing Rick get to lift Michonne up and instill some empowerment, honesty, and encouragement to her with this whole conversation. They're both so good at speaking right into the other's heart.

It was a beautifully acted scene, a powerful conversation, and also very telling to both how Rick and Michonne feel about each other and how they’ll proceed when they eventually do get unwillingly separated.

And thank goodness losing each other wasn’t permanent and these magnetic soulmates will finally get to be back in each other's arms once again. It’s where they’re most meant to be. 🥰 

[alisonthedeluluisback]

Rating movies about nazi germany I have watched

First of all, I want to make it clear that this isn't a professional review, it's only my opinion

I liked the proposal of the story being centered around a nazi family and the younger boy befriending a jew, but all of that goes down the drain due to the multiple historical inaccuracies: the children learned about nazism very early, so there is no way bruno would have been that innocent. Also, concentration camps wasn't of that much easy access. The appeal to emotion instead of actually building a deep plot also sucks. 5/10

I absolutely adored this movie, the plot is so deep, the construction around the persecution of Liesel's parents, her relationship with her adoptive parents, the brotherhood she had with the jew hiding in their house, her tough but sweet personality, her desire for knowledge. It was all so beautifully orchestrated, and also the historical accuracy>>>>>> 10/10

This movie will always be a classic for me. The way they portrayed nazis as they were, human, vulnerable, with a distorted view of the world but still seeking what they thought was the best. How they went deep down into the life in the bunker, the despair and hopelessness they felt. Also, the way they portrayed Eva Braun>>>> how she tried to sugarcoat everything not to suffer, how she threw parties in the hallway of death, how even in a desperate situation the greatest joy of her life was to marry the terrible man she fell in love with and was blindly loyal too. Everything is so heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. Also, the historical accuracy is just a delight. 1000/10

This is a true punch in the gut. The terrible way he lost his family, the inhuman life he lived in the guetto, his part in the warsaw guetto riot, how he kept his beautiful talent immaculate till the end, when he lost the love of his life and had to see her married, the hunger, mistreating and fear that were a part of his daily life, his brave survival. Everything about this movie is truly sad. 9/10

I won't even talk much about this one. I start it laughing and finished it on the verge of crying. It is funny, heartbreaking, the perfect mix between comedy and tragedy, the true definition of bittersweetness. 100/10

Following the same road of the last one, there's this piece of art. It had everything to go wrong, but it went beautifully. They made something outrageous turn out funny without being offensive, and yet made a deep, tragic and beautiful story. The underlying romance between that ex-soldier and his assistant, the way jojo changed his mentality gradually, and his absurd view of hitler. It was surprisingly very historically accurate, but Im still confused about: how was jojo not sent to an orphanage after his mother died? How did he survive on his own? Anyways, this was a negative point for me, but still love it. 50/10

Okay, I absolutely love this one, but hate to death how they slipped over such simple aspects, like Hitler's personality. They made him hit a dog when in fact he defended animal's rights, they made him not give a shit about his mom being ill when in fact he loved her dearly. They changed his personality to make him seem even more evil. But, I also have plenty of positive points to talk about. I rarely see movies portraying Hitler's early life the way this one did, and how he ascended gradually to power. I love this miniseries deeply for getting into details about his whole life. They even aborded his abusive relationship with his niece. I can almost forgive the outrageous innacuracy with the characters and the altering of some details (how he earned his iron cross, how he met eva braun, how he treated fuschl), and I love it despite its defects. It also has some iconic scene: the bar fight, the munich beer hall putch, the trial. I wish I could give a 1000/10, but because of its innacuracies im giving it a 500/10

Nazis getting brutally slaughtered. Do I really have to say anything else? Also, Hans Landa>>>>>>>> ∞/10

[exhuastedpigeon]

God the way Buck freezes when Eddie is shot? The way he wouldn't take his eyes off of Eddie even when Mehta pulled him down. The way the world was just Buck and Eddie for that moment? It kills me.

The way Eddie hand barely moving, but reaching for Buck and his eyes rolling shut is what finally breaks him out of his haze? The way he rolls away from the relative cover behind the truck to crawl to Eddie, to pull Eddie to safety?

It's the way the entire time he's crawling under the truck everything is kind of muffled, like Buck is so focused on saving Eddie that he can't hear anything properly.

The way he says "Come on, Eddie. I'm gonna come. I got you. Eddie, hang on." the entire time he's crawling under the truck. The way he lifts Eddie into his arms and into the truck while under fire.

The fact that there are other firefighters in the truck but Buck is the one to open the gauze and hold it to Eddie's chest. The way his eyes are red the entire time because he's holding back tears because this isn't some patient, this is Eddie and he'll do anything to keep Eddie alive.

The "Just say with me okay?" followed immediately by Eddie focusing for just a moment to ask "are you hurt?" and as soon as Buck says he's okay Eddie loses focus again.

"We're so close, I just need you to hang on."

Buck just watching was they take Eddie away, almost catatonic, covered in Eddie's blood.

Mehta asking "You okay Buckley?" and then jogging away after his team before Buck responds because he isn't processing very quickly.

The way Buck says nothing until he's alone and all he says is a soft, "No."

The whole scene is so beautiful and heartbreaking. It's so full of love. It's romantic. It's tragic. It could have been and ending but it wasn't because Buck wouldn't let it be an ending for Eddie - wouldn't let it be an ending for them.

And even if it wasn't romantic, it was nothing but love. There's nothing but love between Eddie and Buck - the kind of love that goes to the core, to the very marrow of their bones. They're soulmates forged in fire and they'll do anything for each other.

[best-supermassive-character]

Jason Kolchek x Salim Othman (Jalim)

1. i love how Jason can improve his personality and defend Salim after they got arrested, my respect man

2. Enemies to lovers 🥰

3. They have amazing chemistry with each other, are the epitome of enemies-to-lovers and the best duo Supermassive has ever created, have funny and flirtatious interactions and some of the best scenes in the game. What's more to say? ;D

4. Enemies to friends to lovers is one of my favourite tropes, plus seeing Salim manage to wedge his way through the walls and biases Jason had/has melts my heart

5. Do I really need to say more?!

6. I love the fact that they helped each other grow, specifically in the case of Jason, who at the start of the game desperately needed some character development

Sam Giddings x Hannah Washington

1. Best friends to lovers dynamic? perfect. Sam was the only one (except for Beth) who was nice to Hannah in the prologue. And their relationship stats are very high. Sam would be very protective gf for Hannah

2. In your "Nothing bad ever happened ever" AUs, you've got some classic best friends (even childhood friends) to lovers. In canon, though, the tragedy of it all makes you want to chew through wood. Thinking about Sam having been in love with Hannah all that time when she was pining for some guy, and then losing her tragically because she couldn't find her in time to stop the prank. Also, right at the end of the game, as Sam makes a break for the light switch, you could easily assume that Hannah is lunging for her and ended up tackling a miner in the process, but a better idea, a *gayer* idea is that deep down, Hannah recognised Sam, and wanted to save her when it all came down to it. It's tragic. It's heartbreaking. It's kinda beautiful, to think, even in that altered state, Hannah loved Sam too, but only came to realise it at the last possible moment, and used that clarity to save her friend. Maybe she loved her that whole time, before the prank, but latched onto Mike as a way to seem 'normal'. Heteronormativity is the real villain in this game and that's that on that

[trutrustories]

Just some thoughts I have, immediately after viewing ep 6.

spoilers! oh my god, oh my god! I´m honestly relieved! Can you believe it??? I´m SO GLAD endindg didn´t ruin the show! Quite the opposite, actually! I think that with the context of this ending, they actually made season 1 much BETTER. which is like... complete surprise for me! What the hell???? I seriously didn´t expect that! AT ALL! 🤯 It was funny, It was clever, it was epic, and absolutely heartbreaking 🥺😭 Ouroboros, Casey, Timely, and Sylvie... they all survived, and can live they lives however they choose! O. B. making the sequel of his bestseller is the best thing ever! And he has friends now!!! My precious boy!!! Good for him! He deserves it! And Loki and Mobius both survived as well THANK GOD!!!! And they still remember each other! (I was prepared for much worse scenarios, to be honest.)

Anyway, I´m sucker, for bitter sweet endings. So I´m FINE. ....except I´m not.

Because It´s so fucking tragic at the same time!!! God, what a love story! (what isn´t denied is allowed, so... ) they ended it with two of them, alone. Mobius isn´t actually getting back to his boys, because they already have Don. But he didn´t want to stay at TVA because Loki is not there anymore.

Last few shots are Mobius, just standing there, watching life he can´t have and for the first time he is free to wonder around the world on his own. he´s able to WASTE HIS TIME now. And then we see right after Loki, stuck on his throne, alone. And it is implied that he was able to hear Mobius (or see him, even!) And he looks lonely, but also happy for his man!!! GOSH. I was crying like a baby. whole sequence from that scene in a theatre room right until the end! And that freaking music!!! I only have one complaint, and that being: we should see Mobius actually enjoy some JETSKI! Or even better: last shots should have been Mobius happily steering a jet ski on the open sea (wind in the hair and all) AND then Loki on his throne with a smile on his face (because he´s watching him). Last thing: there is actually so much potential, after this finale. If not for actual Marvel project, then for fanfiction writers and for imagination. They left so much room for the good stuff! 😍 For example:

Mobius struggling to addapt to normal life on a timeline. And then he somehow finds out, Loki can see him/ hear him. And he will starts talking to him. And because Loki is so alone and unable to go anywhere, this starts to be his source of fun. Something that makes him happy. And he finds way, to talk to Mobius back somehow... or

Loki will find out that he can travel to his past selfs without having to leave his throne. He stays there, but his mind can travel to his body at any point before.

I am actually mad, I have no time to write fanfics right know (but hey, my english is totally tragic and terrible, so it´s probably a good thing 😅)

Anyway. I feel sad, and also happy. And inspired and satisfied. And I´m still sobbing. All at once! It was beautiful, and I enjoyed every second of it! Can´t remember last time marvel actually managed to do that to me.

*standing ovation* I applaud to creators, actors and everyone involved. You guys did a fenomenal job! (at least that is how I see it)

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[fangswbenefits]

Finished Dragon Age: Inquisition and the Trespasser DLC.

Thoughts below

I went in cause I was curious about the Solas romance. Boy oh boy was I in for a lot of pain. The game itself, at large, is amazing. Some mechanics I wasn't a fan of (the whole power thingy really annoyed me at times), but the lore is intricate enough to grip me.

That said, romancing Solas was quite possibly the worst decision ever..... lmao

You don't get a lot of romance scenes with him per se, but I think there's beauty in simplicity and in the unsaid. I teared up when he broke up with my Lavellan as he had just removed the marks from her face and it all snowballed after that and out of nowhere.

But the DLC? It should have been named The Walk of Pain or something like that. That final conversation with Solas... the confrontation... the way he keeps calling her vhenan... saying he will never forget her. That last kiss as he saves her from the Anchor... the soundtrack.... I don't think I have ever cried this hard for a game. The story is so tragic no matter how you look at it. Whether from her perspective or his...

And the epilogue made things even worse (for me)

It's just... heartbreaking.

Solas is a very well written character imo. He's quite a mess, but that just adds to his complexity. Whether or not one agrees with his motivations, it's undeniable how tragic his story is, especially if you romance him.

Sigh...

[mnkiss]

A quick list of animes I watched and don't want to forget 3:

Satsuriku no Tenshi - perfect for halloween, it was a short story with an easy to forget plot and characters I could root for. Tbh it hooked me with the never ending suspense and Zack. And I'll never forget the heartbreak at the end. So toxic and broken and tragic. The horror elements were fun, sometimes scary even so 7/10! Demon slayer - Its a bingeable shounen. The story is mid, the animation is cool, the MC is kind and likeable + i love how they show us the difference between "city japan" and "rural japan" (especially technology and behaviour-wise), but the constant screaming and second hand embarrassement is just too much. And besides getting stronger and using better techniques there are no character arcs (as of in S2). The boar + thunder kid just ruined the whole series for me t_t And the mountain peasant/animalistic superpower schtick is boring as hell after an episode or two. 6.5/10

Samurai Champloo - y2k graffiti/breakdance meets samurais. Boi, what an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G anime! The AV, OST, art style, all the fight scenes and character design... all of it is 10/10. Of course the found family trope can never be trumped, however the story itself was adventurous, not repetitive (except for them never having money lol), captivating, witty and emotional when it needed to be. Also the episodes tie into each other a lot, which makes the storytelling natural (+ its not just episodes put in order). The MC's are all 3D with weaknesses, believable behaviors and distinct manners + they have easy to remember names and styles. Watching the messy trio's friendship come to live is something I want to witness again for sure.

Konosuba! - A surprisingly bad and adorable parody of the isekai genre that I could only watch all the way through after the 3rd attempt. Most characters are completely helpless/stupid/naive but in an oddly charming way. The MC is ofc a pervert neet that is insufferable, but his oversexualized companions are cute, their friendship is cute, and their boobs are huge. Watch it while having dinner 6/10

Ouran highschool host club - light hearted and stupid and has some second hand embarrassement, but its a must watch! I wish the artstyle was different tho :/ 8.5/10

The Apothecary Diaries - Sherlock Holmes meets chinese historical romance fanfic. Beautiful, captivating and rewatchable. Very dreamy (but i have a feeling that theres going to be a lot of drama and sadness in the future? idk i havent started the light novel yet) 9/10

Midnight Occult Civil Servants - its so much more worth it than ppl think! Yes, the power of friendship is strong in this one, buuuut 1) its not overdone 2) the story is not sugarcoated and there are some interesting philosophical topics that we touch throughout the episodes 3) even though the MC is a naive and ridiculously hard working boy, he learns a lot from his mistakes and kinda grows up. His friends are lovely too! I just wish that their design was a bit more detailed, the animation got a bit more budget and that we could have gotten a bit more chapters... 8/10!

Mignon - a korean BL manwha adaptation. Each episode is around 5 mins so the story isnt too complicated. It has vampires (why dont we get more of them nowadays??) and sexy man-love. 6.5/10

Golden Boy - It is a golden comedy (and educational) anime and it's so humorous that I actually laughed watching it. At first it seems annoying/ridiculous but from the end of the first episode I understood the premise and the point of the anime. The boy doesnt learn much, but the women around him do. 7.5/10

Kamisama Kiss - I loved it at the beginning and then felt really let down by it, cuz 1) I learned about the end of the story and got pissed off (because ***SPOILER ALERT who the fuck thought that giving up your occult superpowers and long life is romantic? WHO?***) and 2) it got so rushed at the end. The art style is not my favorite ad some of the frames looked cheap, but I loved the comical use of expressions and some of the designs were really cool. 6/10 (and -100/10 because of the ending of the manga. Seriously. Fuck that.)

[ennis-rock]

Brokeback Mountain,

when i first watched this movie i was bedridden for 3 days because i couldnt stop crying. Having to find fix-it fics on AO3 just to dull the pain a little. It is another tragic love story. In the face of poverty and helplessness Jack and Ennis both go to Joe Aguirre in search of a stable place to work. While on this mountain herding the sheep, Jack and Ennis experience a spark, a spark that grows into a fire, a fire thats burning down their lives while simultaneously taking a hold of them in a way they’ve never experienced before. burning everything they know and love. Ennis’ fear of commitment to a man because of the traumatic experiences he had when his father was still around, scared to face these problems he runs iff and marries Alma. Ennis reunites with Jack 4 years after and is dragged back into this hazardous fire that grabs a hold of them both. This time around however they both have families, children, wives. And i think thats important to remember because through the film you see Jacks willingness to up and leave them all just for the sake of Ennis. His love for Ennis is bigger than just the two cowboys out in the suburbs of wyoming and texas. Its this swallowing feeling, a feeling of loving something so much you cant even put it into words, and on top of that youre not allowed to act upon them.

Brokeback Mountain is easily my favorite movie of all time. The cinamatography mixed with the beautiful gut-wrenching story line is something that only a few directors have achieved. This is one of the movies i could talk about for forever, it’s meanings hidden so deep within, all the subtle hints and the longing feelings and the heartbreak. This movie has so many layers.

The best scene of the movie isnt any of the ones of them together, in my opinion it is the scene after theyve come back from the mountain. Jack has just droven off and Ennis starts walking, he suddend\ly rouches over and starts retching. The overwhelming feeling in this scene show just how deep their releationship will last, how much it truly means to them both. Ennis acts calm and collected while on the mountain, when he gets down and is alone for he first time in months he finaly lets all the emotions go, he doesnt hold back. The guilt he must be feeling because of his father, the adoration he has for Jack. Its like everythig comes crashing down on him all at the same time. The overwhelming feeling of not knowing what was next, his whole life has changed in such a short amount of time. He is in love with Jack and he knows it, but he cant do anything about it because of the timing and the place.

That feeling is such a reletable and crushing feeling. The feeling of suffocating while also feeling like you’re dreaming. This movie is such an amazing portrayl og being gay. It doesnt make it seem perfect, it shows us how bad it can get, and how some people never have and never will get to terms with it. After Jacks death, Ennis moves into a trailor, his daughter and ex-wife concerned for him because hes alone all the time, but thats just it. He found his forever person and that person was taken away from him. You never get over something like that. It takes a hold of you and its all you can think about.

This is my favorite movie, and it will continue to be one of the best of all time in my opinion. I cannot reccomend it enough.

“Jack, I swear.”

[ladymoonstardust]

Little Les Amis de l’ABC rant for you

. Like we see this group of friends who were young and still would've had so much to live for and still they were the ones leading this whole revolution and everyone looked up at them. And the thing is that they were so fucking brave you know. They really did let the people decide like it wasn't even them to make a show of corpses when they realised they'll lose, but the people wanted that so they without question went with it. And there's this one scene in the movie they beg for the people to let them in and I think that's just so human because yes, | they were revolutionaries but they were still just young kids...

And they had this unbelievable moral and bravery and they were just such pure and kind souls. They would've deserved it so nuch more to live than the guards who shot them. And they weren't suicidal. They didn't want to die, and you can see that even under all that bravery they were terrified. But they powered through it, because they really wanted this for the people and the I people said they'll make a protest of dying for the cause, so they went with it and fuck the chapters of the battle in the book is just so heartbreaking to read what went through their heads and how they talked with the people. They literally spent their lives planning this revolution and believing it, just for them to lose hope at the very last minute. And even then, Enjolras keeps a whole ass speech about the importance and why they did it, and none of it mentions power or political influence. All he talks o equality and libety and fraternity and why we need it, and he says that even if it won't be them bringing this forward, it will happen, it has to happen because the world cannot go on without this, and I think with that he tries to calm himself that maybe ne was just too early, but he wants to believe that humanity will get better, he doesn't care anymore if he can't be the part of this world he so wished to bring on, he just wanted to believe that one day it could come

Further on, every death of theirs symbolises something else, like each of the Amis took something with them when they died and it's very heartbreaking and tragic to read but also, so very beautiful because with each of the Amis having these traits, they are basically together as 9 are humanity and what it should have. Enjolras is leadership and determination, Combferre is | intelligence and sensibility, Courfeyrac is the heart and spirit, Bahorel your anchor that keeps you grounded, Grantaire the trauma and pain in you that keeps on continuing to fight until he finds a light that can ease it, he's also devotion and loyalty, Bousset is bad luck which everyone has but like he himself we can never give up, no matter how unlucky we get, Joly is

cautiousness and our instine to care tor oners. reuv our moras we naveto ouro tor ourseves anoenan ne doer. wnien We can all find in ourselves, for everything we say is poetry as we say it with a soul, our words define us and mirror our souls. And the together is what we call a human. With all thise traits and hardshios and that's whv their deaths hurt so much. because with them these traits died, with them we feel pieves of us dying, because they are all parts of us

[watchinglikeafangirl]

They should have no business making me weep like this. How can this whole scene be so nostalgic, sad, tragic, happy, lovely and postive at the same time? I actually did not expect Day's sight giving in before the show ends. This makes his whole journey so much better and it was always inevitable, so it feels like it's the right and most realistic thing to happen.

It's just the way Day speaks so calmly about it, it's the way he welcomes his blindness while Mhok cries for him. It's also the way his gaze changes and he is really looking right through Mhok, not at him. His eyes lost focus and it's so heartbreaking to see the very second it happens. Still, Day is not freaking out, Mhok keeps holding him and it's okay. But I am not fine, this scene is so beautiful, I cannot put into words how magnificent and heavy it felt. The way it looks is a bit etheral, it's kinda like an enlightment or heaven itself. It works soo well. A very, very good episode to start the new year

[malinaa]

TOP 9 BOOKS

tagged : @hmsharmony ty jennifer this was SOOO hard oh my god like. genuinely agonized me for days to think about what to choose but it was SOOO fun tho <3 tagging : @rosesau | @evcndiaz | @pendrgcn | @gayarthur | @the-tenth-arcanum | @oretsev | @wherepoetsdie | @bellamyblakru | @ryekat & anyone else who wants to do it !!! rules : list your top 9 books obviously. i cheated a little and put series as as one option because that's just who i am as a person. most of these i chose at random from my 5 star reads from the past few years btw

1. percy jackson and the olympians (series) by rick riordan

i was never a big reader in elementary school—or at least not to the extent that my classmates had been. my sixth grade english class required us to bring a personal book from home for silent reading and i stole my brother's spine-cracked copies of pjo and brought them to class. i finished the whole series in less than a school week (i had to scramble to the library to pick up another series because the single novel should have lasted me at least three weeks). pjo literally kickstarted my love for reading as a hobby and i truly don't know how to state the importance it had on my little ten-year-old brain fr

2. on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong

i have never read a book more beautiful in prose and so uncommonly human than this. there's just something so incredibly heartbreaking knowing this whole book is the narrator's letter to his mother who can't read! like what the fuck

3. alone with you in the ether by olivie blake

this came as a surprise to Me when i first read it. i meandered through the first quarter, loving the writing style but feeling disconnected from the characters until the Church Hand Scene™ and it was hook, line, and sinker at that point (i have since come to love the disconnectedness in subsequent rereads, knowing that the feeling was the Point). i have read this book four (4) times since i read it first last year. LAST YEAR!!! olivie has like... fundamentally altered my brain chemistry or something because i feel like everything i have written since having read this book has been somewhat influenced by it.

4. much ado about nothing by william shakespeare

what can i say! this is theeeeeee romcom ever. i have watched so many adaptations of this play, read it countless of times and can recite some iconic lines, and still the banter between benedick and beatrice is sooo elite. cannot be topped!!

5. a place for us by fatima farheen mirza

fun fact: seed rec'd this book to me and has been reccing it to anybody who would listen. the prose is so lush and melancholic. it's one of those books where nothing Really happens, but you feel Every Emotion Under The Sun and you're just like. altered by reading it

6. the song of achilles by madeline miller

obviously.... OBVIOUSLYYYYYYY this had to go here. if i had two nickels for every greek myth retelling i read during school that fundamentally changed me etc etc u get it. i read this as a junior in high school when we, yet again, had to bring a personal book to read durin class. i think at that point of my life, i've never read something that tragic yet so beautiful at the same time and now i am always looking at the beautiful and tragic in media. so! there u go! brain cells rewired and whatnot!

7. the grisha trilogy by leigh bardugo

this is funny because i . technically did not rate any of these books 5 stars i'm sobbing. but like, considering the fact that my url is what it is and the way i always have them in the back of my mind, it's no wonder that i put them here. i have such an odd attachment to these books and these characters. i had copies of these books since their release but didn't touch them until ... before the sab tv release which is so fucking funny. like i don't know what i would be like if i read this as a t(w)een. i would've been so fucking insufferable ngl

8. when my brother was an aztec by natalie diaz

i actually read this for an assignment and had to write a report on it and i had SO much fun doing it. diaz plays a lot with hunger and her imagery is literally unmatched. i think about the way she contructs sentences and am filled with such envy. my beginning sentence for my paper was a nod to her style (though i failed miserably). it was: "in a paradoxical sleight of hand, hunger feeds in natalie diaz's debut." she is just. so fucking good at words i need to CHOMP on it

9. sharp objects by gillian flynn

you know the thing where you see a really popular author for a really long time and they have their work adapted to the screen and it's so good but you still haven't read their actual writing? yeah, that was me with gillian flynn (specifically about gone girl). i read gone girl, i read sharp objects, i read her short story the grownup, i'm currently reading the last novel of hers that i haven't read, dark places, and flynn is just so... incredibly good at constructing harrowing stories. it's no wonder why all three of her novels got adapted to the screen! her prose is so grounded. vivid. there's this ease to her writing that, whenever i concurrently read another novel, i always find the other piece to be lacking. i slink back to flynn's prose and immerse myself in her awful, human worlds.

[stevie-petey]

m.......my word.......that chapter.......real excellence........literature has entered the arena......

there is so much good stuff packed in here, but i think i will (try to) focus on like, mainly 2 things, one being bug and jon soulmatism and the other being steve and bug lover era.

the two scenes, one right before jon leaves with joyce and nancy is SO heartbreakingly good. Her saying NO to him felt like such a needed thing, both to let go of jon and move on for both of them, but also to establish a real, firm boundary in ways she couldn't do before this. the way you described it was so beautiful, "There’s an ease within the shift, almost akin to a soft exhale in December’s cold. It parts you with a gentle farewell, strokes your cheek as it departs, and you can faintly see its outline as it floats away. " it's so soft and tender and it just feels soooo like saying goodbye to someone tenderly with a kiss it's crazy actually. the stroking her cheek makes it so good, it's so beautiful, it really is like the nicest and most gentle thing ever. i love how tactile you describe love. It's so wonderfully paired with the body aches of unrequited love bug feels, "A thread, one that has tugged within your chest in a painful ache since last year, finally loosens", and the imagery of jon and bug soulmate thread/thread of fate being sown into their chest and loosening as they grow to accept the fate/choices of this world is so interesting, and again, it's so hands on that it makes it quite literally feel more real. The thing that really broke me was this scene though, "He litters kisses up and down your neck, his breath tickling as he does so. “I’m sorry,” he says in between each kiss, as if his words will make the bruises fade faster." Coming out as a neck kisser lover, omgggg, this was sooo romantic and tragic and heartbreaking, it really reminded me of like, when fleabag and hot priest were sitting on that fucking bench going "it'll pass" to each other like okayyyyy. i'm SICK. SICK to my stomach with that.....the imagery of getting the shit beat outta you while trying to protect will and jon and max from monsters and like weirdo brothers after letting jon go and like allow both of you to move on AND THEN just lie with him for the last time......WHILE HE KISSES YOUR NECK REVERENTIALLY........pitching myself off of a dark cliff into croc infested waters hoping i can battle one of them to death nature doc style. ANd then dropping this line on me, "No more words are said, Jonathan presses kisses against your skin as your fingers interlock through his hair and you run your hand up and down his back. Somehow, you know this will be the last time you ever have him like this...Jonathan’s touch will soon become ghosts lingering on your skin, and selfishly you never want this moment to end." All the touching and grasping and innocent kissing because they know it'll be the last time and that they'll never get to experience it again and so they're just lying together not even doing anything......just touching each other and feeling the other's weight........oh my goodness gracious LORD. crazy to do M!!!! ANd omg when they agree they could have been something great......yeah siri play "the one" by taylor swift. no but seriously, that whole sequence was so excellent, and i really loved how tactile and gentle their last touches were, i think you repeated the december line by saying his touches on her were ghostly, and it's so nice how that plays out with both of them gently accepting that it's not going to be them two in this lifetime, and just sort of feeling the ghost of that possibility, that fate, that destiny, leave so gently, and not violently or graspingly or desperate, compared to earlier scenes.

I love how it transfers over to Nancy and Steve too. I thought these lines, when steve is helping her lie down right before jon comes back were so cool, "He’s here, offering you anything you need from him, and you’re exhausted from pretending that you don’t see it...The gentleness of his touch soothes you. You’ve never let anyone take care of you like this before. You let him play with your hair, wrap the blanket around you so that you won’t get cold, and when he finally seems pleased with his work, he flicks your nose and smiles." LIKE he's playing with her hair the way she played with jon's hair, and he's wrapping blankets around her and making her comfortable when SHE used to do that for JON and like everyone else and now she's getting the same treatment FINALLY. and again, the love is so gentle and so slow and tepid and it makes sense with these two too, with how hesitant bug even was to see him as an option/let him into his life at all (freezing him out for like months is so crazy i'm kind of obsessed with how that'll play out later on in their relationship), and how he needs time to feel and fall in love back......real excellence depicted in such a short scene! and i love that holding hands with steve heals "old and new wounds" that's so UGH!!!! i LOVE that steve who sort of wanted to take care of someone, but didn't know how to do it and was also dating someone who needed a different kind of support, is able to give that to bug who does need it! and sidenote, i love that jon helps nancy with her slay journalistic integrity plot and that nancy is able to be with someone who idk takes it seriously and i like that jon is with someone who sort of emotionally works from a similar place as him if that makes sense? idk i got off track there, but i just again, love love love the softness in the steve-bug start and bug-jon end. ALso this part, "It hit you like a warm, soft summer breeze. It swirled around you, kissed your skin the way only the sun can do, and you could almost smell the fresh summer honey that your dad used to buy for your birthday. The feeling was serene, it felt as easy as exhaling." briniging in warmth of summer of letting in steve and accepting nancy compared to the gentle winter of letting jon go.....love that down girl. Need someone to see me in a dress and be like damn she IS the soft summer sun STAT and i do think about leaving the cold winter breeze of my ex bsf frequently.

The ending gagged me bad btw!! I love that he upfront asks her to wait for him, to be patient with him, and outright calls her beautiful and an angel, i love how clear they are with each other instead of the sort of tightlipped tension that they had in the earlier part of the season and that jon and bug had in their we're-in-love-but-we-won't-tell-the-other that stretched YEARS. that's on open communication! I am sooooo excited for season 3 and see where it goes! honestly, i did not expect them to like, be like accepting of love, and understanding the other this quickly, i really thought it was going to be a case of maybe unrequited feelings 2: electric boogaloo where they both maybe idk struggle to find themselves good to fall in love, like steve is like on a self esteem binge and is like no way i can fall in love with her and bug would be on her i legit just got heartbroken don't need that right it's time for some me time grind, but i was pleasantly surprised with how much character development happened for both of them. i am still curious, as i mentioned, if bug's hesitation towards open vulnerability will present itself as a challenge in s3 and 4, and if steve's feelings of what the hell am i if not king will impact his side of feelings.

Also, loved nancy and bug best friendship. WAS NOT EXPECTING HER TO BE LIKE "STOLE UR BF SAWRY ABOUT THAT!" i was SHOCKED and BAMBOOZLED girl what's WRONG with you (affectionate)!!!! i love nancy god and i am also sooo interested in how nancy's "she's a better person than me" narrative will play out in the future, though i do want to say that her care package and bug's immediate boundary drawing was sweet, i'm sooo in love with them (and also briefly was like.........nancy x bug......we have misplaced the jealousy on various boys due to heteronormativity/internalised homophobia but actually this woman is fine as hell and i want to kiss her on the lips in a vision but we move forward).

Overall, just excellent work as per use, my apologies for this monstrosity of an ask, i just wanted to submit my essay on "The Tenderness of Touch: Love in Chapter 8 of Coming Home Season 2" to you and also i wanted to add that i know firsthand that while writing is absolutely a talent that you possess, it's also a skill and craft you work on and study to master, and that your work is appreciated and the hard work and dedication you put into this art is really seen by me at least, to the point where i myself am, at the risk of oversharing for a moment, sort of starting to look back at my own johnathan with some more grace and tenderness, to both of our younger selves, than i would have a couple months ago. We were girls together and I think that matters more than the end and I want you to know that your story helped emotionally with that.

P.S: I did have one quick question for you if u don't mind, what exactly you meant with this line, "He recognizes now that they didn’t stand a chance, though he’s happy they tried anyways. It was always going to end like this between them." Did he mean it in like a, "we have made our separate decisions and this is sort of bound to happen with growing up and we were inevitably going to not be each other's number 1, especially when we (cough I cough) have not treated each other as such for some time now so it's okay to live out that fallout and come up on the other side", or is it more of like a larger, "the stars weren't written for us under our sky, and that's okay because they did for while and that's what counts and maybe in another universe, under a different sky, they do?". i guess another way to phrase it would be if jon and bug believe their separation is through human action and its consequences, or destiny and fate, and i guess i want to ask if you agree/disagree with them.

hi my dear !!! you pointed out SO MUCH that ive been dying to discuss with yall, so for anyone who wants more insight into the final chapter of season 2 and the whole jon/bug/nancy/steve fiasco: keep reading !!

under the cut: jon and bugs separation and why steve and bug fell so hard so fast

writing the shift between jon and bug this chapter was extremely hard yet the easiest thing ive ever done. it felt natural and right, which i think made the whole thing more heartbreaking. it had to happen, the final push before their talk at the very end. when bug tells nancy to go with jon to hoppers cabin, it truly was the final acceptance. bug recognized she was no longer needed per say, how her connection/thread to jon has changed. she no longer is the one he needs, its nancy

which makes their conversation at the end just so much more raw and painful. theyve accepted whats happened now, they can see it, almost tangible, before them. all the threads and strings and lines theyve never crossed or unwoven, its now presented in front of them, and theyre finally ready to unravel from one another. as for jon being so tactile, which he almost never is with bug to such an extreme extent, its because he knew as well. this would be the last time hed ever kiss her, hold her, or have her all to himself, something hes so selfishly come to want only for himself. hes never, ever had to share her.

i wanted the scene to feel messy and melancholy yet answer all the unasked questions. theyve become so intertangled with one another, so engrossed, that its hard to separate who is who. for jon and bug, they will never be able to distinguish where one stops and the other starts; theyve become one, and they recognize that they couldve been so much more had there been time or the circumstances had been different. you cant simply grow up with someone, learn all their fears and vices and needs, and not come to love them as if they arent your entire breath.

as for bug and steve: YES !!! to everything youve said. this has been my one thing ive been trying to really pin down in terms of the difference between jon and steve !! they both love bug equally, but in their own distinct ways. jon loves bug with an obligation that comes from years of trust and mutual understanding. he will always take care of her because shes always taken care of him. now for steve, he takes care of bug because he wants to, because he recognizes that no one else has taken care of her the way shes taken care of everyone else. she hasnt LET anyone do this, and steve has such an excess of love within him that he cant help but let it overflow onto bug, to take care of her the way she deserves, and he does this because he can. because it comes naturally to him.

the love realization scenes for both jon n steve ,,, ive had that planned from the START !!!! ive been WAITING for someone to comment on the contrast between jons love realization being such a cold and cruel thing, whereas steves was sun and warmth and comforting. as bug talked about in chapter 6, love had become exhausting for her, never lovely or easy as she had hoped. now, with steve, loving him is as easy as breathing, and they truly are such a golden summer day together <333

and the ending !! after a year of bug denying her feelings, and a year of steve being scared of his, it felt fitting to for them to come together so easily and quickly once nancy and jon were out of the way. theyve both bitten their tongues too many times now, and bug has honestly been falling out of love with jon for a while, she was more just clinging onto the familiarity of it all. once she finally admitted that she loved steve, she didnt have it in her to deny it anymore. shes become tired of biting her tongue and burying down her feelings, especially because shes someone who feels so openly and yet is terrified of being vulnerable (which we will indeed see later). for steve, he simply trusts bug with everything within him, he knows she would never hurt him, not again, and he recognizes that his feelings for her have been there a while. however, he also recognizes that bug deserves more than mixed feelings, he wants to give her his all, so until hes completely over nancy, all he can do is ask bug to wait -- trusting that she will come back in the end. which is HUGE for someone who fears abandonment.

im incredibly touched that my writing has made you reflect upon your own jon :( i also feel the same way, ive come to view my own jon differently. sometimes people simply grow up, it isnt anyones fault, and we cannot fault someone we love for no longer resembling the person we once loved, not when theyve grown into who they were meant to be.

now for the final part of your lovely ask: the line was in reference for steve and nancy !! what i meant by it was that steve recognizes that him and nancy were incompatible in the end, given everything that happened with barb and the demogorgon. he realizes that they never stood a chance, getting back together, because they had already been finished when the upside down came into their lives. and yet, despite this, hes happy they tried. to me, to try is to be human, and steve believes that at least they tried to love one another afterwards, they tried to move on and be happy together. in the end, this is all that matters to steve: they tried to love one another (this can also apply to bug n jon !!! nothing was ever going to be the same again, but they tried)

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Dune Part 2 Spoilers!

Finally got a chance to go see Dune part 2, I actually only watched part 1 about a month ago and I haven't read the books so I went into the film pretty clueless about where the story was going. But here is a quick review of part 2.

This movie was actually amazing. I found the first film a little slow in places but with this one despite it being like 2 hrs 45 mins long it did seem to fly by. Visually it was also so beautiful and I loved seeing more of the fremen and their culture in this movie.

Austin Butler as Feyd Rautha was absolutely terrifying in the best kind of way, like I could not take my eyes off him he was so creepy and that last fight scene between him and Paul was really intense, I was holding my breath the entire time.

Speaking of creepy, the talking fetus, that was definitely not on my bingo card for this movie, I'll be honest. Also, and this was just a me problem, but at first I thought the whole reason why Jessica was able to talk to the fetus was because of her Bene Gesserit powers and I kept wondering why on earth Jessica and Paul were listening to an unborn baby, like that did not seem like a rational or reasonable thing to do. Then I realised, way too late and only after Paul had drank the Water of Life, that the reason why the baby was able to talk to them was because when Jessica drank the Water of Life it also was ingested by the baby, meaning that just like Jessica and Paul, this fetus had seen all of the past and the future, which honestly only made it all the more terrifying. That being said I am really intrigued to see where this baby character goes in future films.

Stilgar was absolutely sending me in this film, like it seemed like all Paul had to do was breath and Stilgar was seeing it as a sign that he was the messiah. He really was Paul's number one stan in this movie. That scene where Paul pretty much stands up and is like yo guys I am not the messiah and then it cuts to Stilgar talking about how humble Paul is and how that's just further proof that Paul is one hundred percent the messiah was so funny, I laughed way too hard at it. Honestly Stiglar is an absolute legend, love that guy.

Paul and Chani's relationship was simultaneously both so beautiful and so heartbreaking. I loved all those little moments they have throughout the film, how she shows him the way of the fremen, their first kiss on that sand dune, when she asks if he'll always be hers and he tells her as long as he breathes and then that's tragically repeated later in that heartbreaking scene at the end when he tells her he'll love her as long as he breathes and then you see how betrayed she feels when he asks for the princess' hand and then leads her people into a war that is obviously going to kill alot of people. She's watching him lose himself, after she told him he's never lose her so long as he remained who he was and its just so so crushing to see.

Paul himself also kind of becomes terrifying towards the end of the film, like those two scenes, the first being the war council with the fremen leaders where he enters the circle and just commands all of their attention, this is the moment I think where he truly embraces this role as the messiah and turns the remaining sceptics by telling them things about themselves that he really shouldn't know. I think the only person left who doesn't believe him to be this saviour is Chani. The other scene is when he fights Feyd and then confronts the emperor and forces him to kiss his ring. Also when he shouts, silence, at Mother Mohiam, chills. I mean all the kudos to Timothy because he did an amazing job with these scenes.

Overall I do think this is a really great movie, yes it is a long watch but I think it is totally worth it and if you haven't already you should definitely go give it a watch. I am really looking forward to the next film and I am excited to see what happens next. I am really hoping Chani and Paul find their way back to each other because I really did love their love story and it was so sad to see it end like it did in this movie, so I am hoping that it isn't the end the end, if you get what I mean, Paul did say that he had foreseen her coming back to him but at this point I really don't see how that is going to happen. I am also curious to see how this holy war is going to go and what part magical mystical baby sister is going to play in it. So yeah 10/10 movie.