#just burial insurance things

[thekingdaisy]

Embalming is Botox for the dead. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk and no I will not be taking questions.

[toasted-valentine]

@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.

[mx-jinxous]

He was in love with a dead man.

Steve found it ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. When he was forced to find a job after his parents disowned him, the museum was the last place he’d expected to fall in love. The museum gift shop had gladly taken him in as a thank you for his family’s namesake, though Steve didn’t try to pretend interested in the way. He took the job offer, anything to pay the bills.

His current living arrangement was his car until he could save enough money back to get an apartment. Sadly with his car payment and insurance, it hardly left anything to put back, not enough to pay his phone bill for the last few months. Most days it was a toss-up for gas or food, which was going to be a harder decision with the approaching winter. Since he had to drop out of college he’d been left sneaking into the community pool to even get a shower, but soon he’d have to find other options. They started to dwindle as his friends, or rather the people who acted as such, distanced themselves when he was kicked out. He came from money and that’s all that anyone ever wanted.

His first idea was to befriend or date, but he couldn’t use them as people did to him. So he asked for more work, playing it off as expanding his knowledge and role. This led him to partner with the elderly security, who was fondly nicknamed Grey, until they could get him a trainee. Steve happily accepted it. The old man was a storyteller, even his lectures were entertaining as he drifted into stories of his kids. He often let him wander around, and that’s how he found the newest addition to the royalty wing.

They had discovered an underground burial vault, hidden beneath the remains of a castle converted into a long abandoned church. It was above Steve’s pay grade how they ever managed to acquire permission to excavate the vault. One night on his explorations the young man found the exhibit and the statue of King Kas. He ruled in the 1200 c.e., a just ruler in a conflicted era. Sadly, he existed during a blip in history, and few records have been found of his rule.

Still, the statue was handsome and mesmerizing. It was carved from marble and well cared for regardless of facing time. Surprisingly for a cold material, the eyes were warm, inviting even. It’s what kept Steve returning, making him fall. Grey had found him sometimes just talking to Kas about his problems when he came to let him out for the night. He was kind enough to offer an invite to his home whenever he needed, fatherly. He’s what he’d wished his parents were like, he cared for a boy he didn’t even know and even fed him when he didn’t have food. It was nice but also painful.

Steve spent every shift studying the statue. The king was adorned in jewelry; rings, a crown, necklaces, armlets, and bracelets filled with gemstones worth more than Steve’s parents. It only enhanced the beauty of the masterpiece, but it was truly the eyes that pulled him in. Maybe it was the dry spell in his current living situation, but he wanted to reach out and hold his face in his hands. His body was doing that on its own accord, his fingers nearly brushing its cheek when the hallway door was thrown open. Steve responded immediately, hiding behind the nearest pillar. His mind caught up with him once he was out of sight, that he and Grey were the only ones this late, still didn’t want to be caught with his hand on the exhibit.

Taking a calming breath, he stepped out and was going to give him a hard time about the scare. However, he froze when he heard more than one voice, harsh whispers echoing in the unoccupied room. Steve pressed up against the pillar, trying to be silent, trying to figure out how to alert Grey without his walkie.

So he stood there, listening to things being moved, metal clinging. “This is a goldmine. Can’t believe these idiots left it open like this, just ripe for the takin’.” A man cackled, the young man risking it to get a look at the thieves. Three of them, one stripping Kas while the other two robbed his riches.

“Shuddup. You want security up our asses?” Another snapped.

“What? That old guy probably ain’t got his hearing aid in.”

“He ain't alone dipshit. He's got that kid in here. Didn’t see him leave.” The last guy grumbled, sounding like he was struggling. “He’s not gonna be a problem. If he tries anything, I’ll show him mister pew pew.” That got Steve sweating. He needed a plan, a distraction to escape. From his vantage point, he noted the doors were close to the men, there were no windows, and the fire escape was a sprint away that gave the thieves an open shot. But the fire alarm was on the wall, parallel to him. Pulling it would alert firefighters and police, and hopefully scare the men enough to give him the opening that he needed. It was as solid as a plan he could make, but of course, he should know that life loved to make him struggle.

It came in the form of a, “Pull harder numb nuts.”, followed by a clatter. Peaking out he was met with the king's bracelet skidding past him. That’s what gave away his safe spot, the men already yelling and sprinting towards him. Steve took off, snatching the bracelet on the way to the fire alarm. He pulled it as he passed, heading towards the nearest exhibit, Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt. There were plenty of places to hide, Steve choosing the curtain that framed a standing sarcophagus.

It was sheered, easy to see through, yet nearly impossible to see in the dark museum. He gripped the bracelet, trying to quiet his breathing when the men came into the room. The alarm lights flashed and blared, however, he could hear things being thrown and smashed. There was angry yelling between the three, Steve watching the best he could through the fabric. He could make out only their silhouettes, watching in horror as they destroyed parts of history, feeling powerless. Was this how it was supposed to end, hunted and afraid? A fitting end to the last shitty months.

All he knows is that he isn’t going down without a fight. The bracelet was a decent weight and could knock someone out with a strong enough swing. He hoped it was enough as the silhouettes grew closer as Steve braced for an attack.

A scream froze the moment, now four shadows appeared on the other side of the curtain. “What the hell!” The man closest to the newcomer howled before he fell, his partner's screams echoing. Gunshots rang out causing a horrified scream to escape the young man. He fell to his knees and curled up, wanting to be as small as he could. Steve couldn’t fathom, nor did he want to attempt, the horrifying noises on the other side. There were screams and then silence.

He could only hope that the perpetrator didn’t find him- but once again life loved to beat him down. The curtain was pulled back, giving him an up-close view of the mystery man. Steve met with those warm eyes that once brought him comfort, now a sign of terror as Kas stood, marble painted in blood. He wanted to beg, to scream, but all that escaped his lips was a whimper. The statue took a step forward and the younger man fell back, trying to push himself as far away from the creature.

Not taking the hint, Kas knelt in front of him, reaching out toward him. He dropped his sword as fingers brushed against Steve’s cheek, causing him to flinch at the cold stone. It was silent between the two, aside from the blaring alarm, leaving them staring at one another. Pulling back his hand, Kas scooped the young man up without warning. A squeak escaped him, fear keeping his mouth bound as he was carried through the blood-drenched room to the king's exhibit. There he was gently sitting on the edge of the stone coffin that had been cracked open to show the interior. The body had been removed before the exhibit had opened so there was no fear of a zombie popping up. Just Steve and Stone Kas.

Steve was balancing himself the best he could while stone eyes studied up and down his body. They stopped on the bracelet still gripped in his hands, causing him to fumble trying to hold it up to the marble man.

“H-Here! I-I didn’t mean to take it, but I kept it safe. See, no damage.” He shook as the statue took the bracelet, examining it closely. Steve sat there, just waiting until Kas saw fit that the bracelet was fine. He hesitated with any noise or movement, not wanting to earn the creature's ire. He wished to disappear, to be locked behind his car doors on the other side of the country, just out of the king's sight.

Unfortunately, that wish quickly broke when Kas wrapped his hand gently around Steve’s upper arm. He watched in horror and confusion as the bracelet slid onto his wrist, giving the man his first clear look at the jewelry. It was a thick gold band with some basic designs carved in it, a bright red gem enclosed in it. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry, even Kas seemed to think so as a smile came to the carved face.

“Yeah, i-it’s a lovely piece, but sadly I’m not a jewelry guy.” His nervous chuckle was cut short when the smile fell, his body tensing as it was just them in silence once more. “Please-.” He whimpered.

A sob broke free when Kas leaned in, his cold lips pressing into his forehead. “Te videre iterum, amore mea.” He whispered, pulling back enough to peer down into Steve’s eyes. Without warning he was shoved back into the coffin, the lid pulled over without a struggle.

“Shit.” He mumbled, trying to push the stone lid off to no avail. “Shit! No, no, shit!” He screamed, pounding against the marble. Panicked tears dripped down his cheeks as he kept trying to push to top off. “I- I ca-. I can’t breathe! Please let me out! Please Kas!”

There was no telling how long he was screaming for, but no one came to his rescue. The fight left him abruptly as the situation set in. He was stuck in a stone prison, running out of air, no one knowing where he went. No one would notice him missing until much later after he suffocated. This was how he was going to die, as a nobody.

Steve went to cover his face, only to be splashed with water. He sat there, horrified at the thought that he was bleeding, but no. His body was sitting in water, the coffin filling at a ridiculous rate. He no longer had to wait to suffocate, now he was going to drown long before that.

A new panicked fueled fire filled his stomach, his legs coming up to kick at the lid. He figured if water was getting in, there was a chance he wasn’t completely sealed in. His head was underwater while he kicked with all his might. Soon it started sliding with each kick, giving way to enough space for his body to squeeze through. He wasted no time, the water weighing him down as he pulled himself free.

It was dark aside from a flickering archway, his body freezing as he took a minute to catch his breath. He could tell he was no longer in the museum, the only light seeming to be the only exit. A groan escaped Steve’s lips as he pulled himself towards the light, coming to a spiral staircase that only went up. It was illuminated by torches on the wall, the only warmth in this dark room. Freedom was near, and though his body wanted to give in to rest, Steve pressed on. His body ached, each step taken with a struggling limp that made the trip feel like hours.

He nearly cried when he saw the doorway, a light illuminating the stairs. He was ready for bed, or maybe he’d try to hit Grey up for a shower to get all the death dust off of him. If he was lucky, this was all a horny-induced nightmare.

That came to head when the universe decided to remind him once more of his shit luck. When he walked out of the doorway he was greeted with a group of swords pointed at him, surrounding him. His body was aching, fighting to stay standing as another wave of armored people came in. Trying to take a step back Steve’s body gave out, a mumbled “Fucking bullshit.”, escaping before he hit the ground. His world went dark once more.

________________

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Chapter 1| Chapter 2

[lingering-42-long]

The Last Goodbye

When they are Kia

Cod characters x f! reader

Inspired by MW3 and the tragic events that occurred this will be a three-part series if I do not get writers block lol.

So sorry for the not posting as much! It’s been a really crazy month and a lot of things had happened and caused me to have a bit of a depressive episode so thank you all for being super patient!

Warnings: mentions of death

John Price

You saw it on the news first before you got the visit. Your breath hitched when you saw the news of the air strike that had hit the base where your husband of 12 years was stationed at everything was decimated. And you couldn’t call or check to make sure that he was all right as he would not have his personal cell phone with him. It wasn’t until two days after the attack did two uniformed military officers showed up at your door holding prices old hat and SAS badge and dog tags. How they got them so quickly, you weren’t sure, but the news came like a sudden wave of cold water. “ we are so sorry for your loss.” One of the officers told you. The body would be arriving shortly within a week or so for proper burial you two had purchased side-by-side grave plots. And the will was already drawn up well before all of this had happened. John was a very precise man and always make sure to think 12 steps ahead. He knew his job was rough and he knew that at any moment he could drop dead. He made sure that his life insurance would be going to you, which was some relief sense the army didn’t pay much.

How to tell your daughter, that her father was not going to be coming back. What is the worst thing you could ever do to her young heart. She was only eight years old. She adored her father practically worship the ground. He walked on. She was always his little girl, and now the war stripped her of him. Stripped you of him..

When she came home from school, you had to sit her down. You held her hands, and with tears, you told the heartbreaking news. The young girl did not understand at first on why her father wasn’t coming back, and once again, you explained that he had died in action, and he would never be able to come home you’re a little girl started to cry, and when he tried to comfort her, she bolted from your arms and ran to her room, slamming the door, and she could hear her wails. You yourself cried yourself to sleep for the first few weeks all the way up until the funeral your friends and family members gathered around you doing everything that they could to comfort you and your daughter people were calling in every single day talking with you for hours on end, while other people stopped by to bring you food.

Every day it felt like a horrifying nightmare. The one that reoccurs every single time slightly more horrifying than the last. As you were going through your stuff and trying to decide what if his you wanted to keep and what of his you wanted to donate you noticed on your phone you had gotten an email from Kate Lasswell. She had sent a video to you actually several saying in the email that he wanted you to have this and gave her explicit instructions in case if he was to ever die.

Pressing the play button, you watched as his face appeared in the camera as he sat down and smiled at you. The way, his eyes twinkled and the crows feet around them creased. “ hello dove” he started at first and you had to pause the video because you were overwhelmed with the emotions. When you stabilized yourself again, you continued. “ I know it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you and I know that if you’re seeing this, it means that I have passed….. mission was going to be botched no matter what I just didn’t want to tell you the statistics at first…” he paused himself, as he seem to be collecting his words in his own voice was shaking “ I really wish I could come back home to you. I told you that this would be the last mission that I would do before retiring… I promise to take you out on that date that you wanted to go to that fancy restaurant.” he paused again, closing his eyes, and releasing out a large sigh.

“ I’m sorry I never got to take you…. I had so many plans to do with you and Alice… it doesn’t seem fair that I didn’t get a chance to do that” once again, you had a pause the video so that you could take a minute to cry. The plans that you had with each other right now by the wayside. You unpause did it again, and continued on listening. “ I know right now you’re depressed.” he stated, folding folding his hands, and leaning on the desk in a slightly business fashion way. “ in the email that Kate sent you there is several groups that you can join that are for the spouses of the deceased militant partner. Please join one as well as make sure our daughter also goes to one for kids. She’s going to need that support… you both are.” he smiled again, but it was a Sad smile. “ I also made sure to have a college fund started for her. You don’t have to worry about it until she’s ready. There should be plenty of money for her to attend all the way up until graduate year as long as she goes to a decent university. Make sure it’s only used for that if she chooses not to go to university or to go to a less expensive one, you can use the money to buy her a car or whatever she needs to get her life started…. I’m sorry this had all come to this…. As you know I have set aside a life insurance, and the beneficiary goes to you. I also saved up a lot of my savings as well. Feel free to use it as necessary.” he knew that you were going to be smart with the money. “ He paused and looked at you “you are my beloved…. I’m so sorry my dove that you have to face this alone. Please take care of yourself. Find a husband that loves you like I did and a good father figure for our daughter.” This made him tear up. “I will wait for you in heaven and I will watch over you both. You mean so much love. No one or nothing can separate this love. The email that is sent to you also has several videos for Alice. For her birthdays, graduation, moving out to university, marriage and their child. I made sure to make a video for all of that… I also left many for you. Please don’t hesitate to just let me listen to you… I love you.”

The video ended and you sat in the chair, Thinking things though. He set life up for you and your daughter. He was still looking after both of you. You cried for a bit before getting up and knocking on your daughters door. Your little girl opened up with tears on her face. “Hey baby… daddy sent you something.” She sniffed as you picked her up and took her to your old husband’s office. After sitting down with her in his old chair, you turned on the next video. “Hey Angel!” John’s face lit up when the camera started you could see he had been crying. “Angel, im not coming home, it’s not that I don’t want to but it’s because I got called up to heaven. I want you to do something for me my sweet, I want you to watch over momma ok? She is going to need you and you are going to need her. He glanced up as if looking at you then looked back down at his daughter. “You are such a special little girl. I love you so much. Momma has the other videos for you to watch when you grow up. I’m so so sorry to leave you like this. I did not

I did not want to go. I know you were looking forward to see me and so was I… you are my sunshine. My only sunshine.” He stated singing the song he sang when she was down or sad. “You make me happy, when sky’s are grey. You never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away…. I love you my angel.” The video ended. Your daughter looked at you. “What now?” She asked. “Well… now we do what daddy said… we do our best to move on, but not to forget him. We will be OK.” You held her as you too watched the sunset fade beneath the horizon, a beautiful white dove landed on he window, cooed and looked at you before flying off into the golden rays of the pink sky.

Simon Riley

You were cleaning in the kitchen when you heard a knock at the door. Putting the sponge back in the soapy hot water. You wiped your hands and made your way to the door. Two military officers took at the door, Solum faces as they greeted you. “Hello can I help you?” You asked

“Mrs (y/n) Riley?” One of them asked.

“Yes that is me.” You looked at them worried.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant Simon Riley was killed in action.” The officer said gravely as he handed you a box of his things.

You took the box with tears in your eyes. The men told you that his body was found and would be returning soon. You thanked them and closed the door as you held the box tightly in your arms and sunk to the floor sobbing. Your sweet Simon. He was gone, never to come home to you and your son. You knew it was a dangerous job, but it never really hit you till now. Your husband, the man that always let you take off his mask, the man that would cuddle with you at night and rub your back after a long day, the father of your 3 month old son who he would stay up late to let you sleep. He was gone, ripped apart from you. How were you going to tell your son about his father, the man who loved his son from the moment he was born. You cried on the cold floor till you fell asleep, still holding onto the box. You woke up to the sound of your son crying in his room. Getting up, you walked and a dead sonter to his room. Tomas your son named after your husbands brother, was crying in his cradle. Carfully you picked him up and held him close. He looked so much like his daddy, blonde hair, dark blue eyes, fair skin. “Shhhhh my love” you rocked your son with tears in your eyes. “Daddy isn’t coming back.” You stated as a hiccup got you. “He loved you so much…. He loved me.” You knew your son wouldn’t remember this but it was still so sad to hold your little boy and know he would never have a father and son bonding.

You sobbed as you held onto him. Tomas sensing his mothers destress, he quieted down and cooed. After a while you fed him and put him down to bed once more. You opened the box after sitting down with a hot cup of tea, ready to take on what you needed to. With a sniffle, you opened the lid to reveal his skull mask, the dog tags that he wore, his SAS badge, and a few other things. “Oh Simon” new murmured as you carefully picked up the mask and set the box down as he traced over the lines to his skeletal features on his balaclava. It smelled like him. That rich, earthy smell, that he always seems to have with a hint of gunpowder and bourbon. It was a lingering sent, but it was a good one at that. You held the mass close as you leaned back on the couch and close your eyes. You already missed him more than you did before maybe it was because you knew that you would never see him again, to have him be in the house and be present with you and your son. You would go on with your life fine you are a tough woman, one of the many reasons to why Simon married you, but it was your son that you were worried about. You wanted your son to have a father figure. A dad that he would learn to grow up and love. Simon never had that sort of dad, and had always wanted to be that way for his own children.

Now Simon was never going to live out his dream, and Thomas, your son, was never going to have that sort of special bond. I thought made you incredibly sad once more but no tears fell, your eyes were all dried from the previous crying. The weeks came and the funeral happened, your husband looked peaceful in his casket. You wanted some alone time with him first and held his stiff, cold hand. “ Thomas will miss you… I will miss you. You were my rock and shield. It’s going to be hard without you Si… I will always love you and miss you.” The funeral took place and it was a sad time. The team of 141, your family and friends helped with whatever you needed. Now, you were cleaning out things from your late husband. As you were cleaning out his bedside table drawer, you saw a note, folded up neatly. Curious, you unfolded the lined paper and read the words on the paper.

“My dear (y/n), Birdie if you are digging in my drawer then that means I have passed, the mission was botched… I’m sorry… I know Thomas is in good hands with you. Please don’t worry about money. My account will be given to you. As I am writing this, it’s late, you’re sleeping next to me. It’s the night before we leave… I am looking at you for the last time, taking in all your beautiful details. Your face is so soft in sleep, you look so angelic. I am going to miss you… I know you will miss me too… I’m sorry I haven’t said ‘I love you’ that much. I hope you know I cherished and deeply loved you. I still do. I know you are a strong woman, that is what drew me to you. I know you will move on. If you wish, find someone who can love you and our son just as much as I loved you. I will be waiting for you when you come. I will always be watching out for you. Please don’t let our son forget me. I want him to know how much I loved him and you. I love you my Birdie, my beautiful wife. ~Simon.”

You held onto the paper and cried. This was going to be ruff. You were going to be ok. A sense of comfort filled your mind and warmth flooded your body. “I love you my Simon” you smiled and the familiar sent of him wafted and you felt his warmth envelop you.

Gaz

when the news reached you, it hurt like 1000 tiny little daggers. You had just gotten married to Gaz, your Relationship was just beginning. The two of you had been high school sweethearts. Times had gotten tough for both of you and you broke off your relationship before time being until you rekindled it once again, realizing that he was the only person for you. You had only gotten married a few months prior and just had your honeymoon before he was shipped off. Four months he was gone. And he was supposed to come back in two, however, the letter that you received told a different story. He would never be coming home. His body was blown up so badly that they couldn’t find all the pieces to him. We would do everything that they could to get the majority of him back home so that there could be some proper burial. This broke your heart. He would never get to share the life with you that you too so desperately dreamed about, a small home, somewhere on the suburbs of London with a dog, and maybe a child somewhere down the line. That was your plan at least but now things have changed, and now your beloved was gone.

It had been a few weeks since the death, and the burial of what was left at him. You had moved back in with your parents for the time being. As you were cleaning up your room, doing the best to get over your grieving you noticed a note on your bed they have been delivered by your mother earlier. Carefully you walked up to the letter and looked at it. It was addressed to you by Gaz. A sense of panic swelled in your chest. Did he really survive? Or was this some cool trick that somebody was playing? Quickly opened the envelope, and you looked at the letter the date showing that it was a month ago that he had sent this; before his death. With shaky hands, you begin to read the chicken, scratch lettering, tracing over every word, and taking to heart as if it was the gospel.

“Hey Love!

Things are crazy right now! We’re going to be going into a city not too far from here. I’ll make sure to pick up some stuff for you. I know you’ve been wanting to decorate the house for a while and I’m so excited to see what sort of projects you’ve been working on? How’s the art piece coming? I remember you telling me that you wanted to start up painting again. We always had such a pretty drawings. I have no doubt that they’re not going to be beautiful. I hope you hang them on the wall for us to see. I miss you. A part of me wishes that you were here at least the part that isn’t the most violent. Unfortunately, we’re not in the best area we are being attacked left and right. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll be home soon! I promise I’ll fix the leaky faucet. I know it’s been driving you crazy. I I sent a letter to my folks, but could you tell them that I miss them as well? I want them to know how much I miss them, but I think I miss you the most. When I get back can we get a dog? Also, can we have like a full day of playing video games just with you and me? I know I sound like I’m rambling, but it’s just what’s on my mind recently. Late night cuddles with you while playing Mario kart. It just sounds so relaxing right now. I’m really tired. Well sweetheart, I better get to bed. I love you and I hope that you have an amazing day tomorrow and the next and the next after that.

Your Husband,

Gaz”

Hugging the letter, you cried your eyes out. Tears streaming down your face as you laid on the bed, holding onto the last remnant of what your husband left you. It sounded as if he was somewhere in a safer, better place. You hoped that he died quickly that he didn’t suffer and his last thoughts were good thoughts. A breeze drifted into the room from your open window and a warm bit of sunshine hit your cheek as the breeze drifted passed it felt like a stroke on your soft face. He was there sitting beside you, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel his presence. He was safe and he was watching over you.

Johnny McTavish

The news has gotten to you quickly. It was actually delivered by Price himself. You couldn’t believe it. Your Scottish highland your man was no longer going to come home to you. He was shot through the head. Taking a bullet to save a life. Your young son, John, named after his father, was going to be home from school soon the devastating news hurt you more than anything else out there. How are you going to tell your six-year-old son that he was not gonna have his daddy near anymore? Who was going to play football with him in the yard? Who is going to read bedtime stories? Who is going to play in the rain with him? Your son needed his father that boy looked up to his dad, like he was the sun, its self. The news hurt you hard calling his parents and his family was going to be hard as well if they had an already heard the news. He was close with everybody and his family and he had quite a large family.

The upcoming days to the Memorial as you wish to have been cremated, were hard and brutal. Everybody that you knew, and your friends and his family all gave their condolences to you and to each other he was loved and well liked by everyone your son took it hard he didn’t understand why his dad wasn’t coming home and cried and cried and cried it was like that for almost a whole week, he was doing so bad that you had to pull him out of school for the time being because he was unable to function properly. You did everything you could you hold him tight in your arms until he cried himself to sleep at night in which you also cried your own silent tears. You would go walk on the open, Highlands that overlooked the beautiful scenery where your husband, his father’s ashes, cast out upon the open landscape. A small memorial was placed there in memory. You would have picnics out there are frequently, simply listening to the birds call from high above and feel the warm sun cast It’s beautiful rays. They felt cold and dull to you, but you did your best to hold out for your son.

Cleaning out the closet with all of his stuff. What is your next task as you were taking some of his old stuff down you noticed a hard drive they had fallen out of one of his pockets with your name on it. Curious, you took the hard drive and you plugged it into your laptop. It open the file which had a video and it. You clicked play.

The video with your husband sitting on the couch in your living room, smiling at you “Hello my bonne Lass. if yer seeing this then ye know what happened and I don’t think I need ta say anymore abou tha’. I am so sorry that I cannot be with Yer. I love ye so much. I love our son John so much. Please remind hem’ every day how much I love him. Please play football with hem as much as ye can. Please read to hem every night fer me. I know it’s a lot ta ask with what’s going on but I think it might be good fer both of ya ta share tha’ quality time. I’m gonna miss ye both, but I’m always going te be with yer. I’m always going to be watching over mo little family. Don’t worry Lass, life insurance should cover a huge portion of everything. Hopefully it can help provide some security fer you and fer John. I also have tha’ university fund ye wanted me ta set up fer him. Let the money grow and add te it. If ye want by the time he turns 18 he can open that account. The files are actually in my cabinet on the right side of the desk. It has all the important paperwork and documentaries yer gonna need. I really wish I was there with ya Lass. I’m going to miss holding you at night and whispering I love yous.” His beautiful eyes stared right back at you with his stupid little mohawk and broad shoulders facing the camera. “ I know you got this, please don’t ferget about me, but I do want you moving on. Find a man that makes yer heart is happy to be with as it was with meh. I know it’s a lot ta ask for, and I’m not expecting ye ta get married right this instant… I want ta see ye happy I want to see you taken care of. I love ye, my princess.” he reached over to turn off the device that he was using, and the video ended abruptly. A new wave of tears hit your face as you laid your head on the desk and cried for the fifth or sixth time in the past few days. Your son came in the room and gently touched your shoulder. “It’s OK mama! Daddy’s going to be with us. He’s just going to be invisible.” he was quoting some thing that you had told him. When you had to break the news to John, you had told him that the angels up in heaven needed his daddy to help fight the battle up there because he was so good at his job. One day he would be able to meet his daddy up there as well. Now John had taken this to heart and there’s now quoting this in hopes to make you feel better. You carefully picked up your son and held him close to you. “ you know you’re the best against your father had ever giving me? When you were born, he had tears in his eyes and he was hugging you and kissing all over your face and just absolutely doting on you 24 seven. He told me how proud he was of you. He told me how proud he was of me. Those were good times.” Your son gently hold you tight in his own little arms. “ it’s OK mama will make it out together.” You could almost feel a kiss on your forehead as if…. As if your husband was leaning over to comfort you.

[tornprince]

Hey, so not to leap into your ask box as a total stranger, but you mentioned in the tags that you were willing to answer questions about phalloplasty. I’m still figuring out if I want it, and if it’s not an inconvenience, I’d like to hear about what it’s like, or any common misconceptions or things you’d be ok with sharing. You don’t have to answer it publicly if you don’t want to, or answer at all. No pressure!

Howdy, I’d be happy to! This turned out a lot longer than I thought it would so sorry for the little essay lol

Since there are a lot of little variations on phalloplasty both in the type you get and the “stages” I’ll explain that first.

I got RFF/forearm flap phalloplasty with urethral lengthening, clitoral burial and a full vaginectomy. My first surgery was a hysterectomy and partial vaginectomy, about 6 months after that I got the phallo itself, urethra lengthening and the rest of the vaginectomy, and then a couple weeks after that I got glansplasty. I’m scheduled to get the erectile and testicular implants later this month. All of this was covered by insurance.

I am overall extremely happy with my phallo, it’s really been everything I could have wanted. I’ll just give a kind of random run down of some things:

Healing: If you count the time for all of the above surgeries I took roughly 2 and a half months off work. 2 weeks for the hysto/vaginectomy, 6 weeks for the phallo and another 2 for the glansplasty. I’ll be taking a week off for the next one.

I spent 5 days in the hospital after the phallo, those were by far the roughest days. Like the first day after surgery the big thing they had me do was just sit up in bed, and even that made me feel very dizzy and sick.

By far the most painful parts of healing were the vaginectomy and the thigh graft. I had a catheter for 6 weeks which was a pain in the ass, and the forearm graft needs daily dressing changes for several weeks. Once you get past those first few days though, it’s kind of surprising how not terrible it is. I was walking my dog after like 3 weeks.

The part that has the highest complication rate is the urethral lengthening, I was told by my urologist that the percentage of urethral complications after surgery was somewhere between 60-70%, I was basically told to go into surgery kind of just expecting there would be some sort of urethral complication.

This did happen to me and I got a stricture (urethra healing tight enough you can’t pee through it) twice. The first time they fixed it while I was getting the glansplasty, the second time I had to go in for an extra minor surgery to fix it. Since then I have had no issues.

Here is what my urologist had to say about the urethral complications when I asked for details: in quite a few cases they just heal on their own with a little additional time using a catheter and they never need surgical intervention. He said if it ever became necessary, they could just “disconnect” the new urethra and have you go back to peeing the way you did before surgery.

He also stated that they had never had that happen and had always been able to get the new plumbing working, even if in some cases it took longer.

Sensation: I did not lose any clitoral sensation, it’s just buried in the base of the phallus so you have to kind of rub/squeeze harder to get there. I was able to orgasm as soon as I was cleared for sexual stimulation after surgery, which I believe was 2 months?

My surgeon said that although the degree of sexual sensation a person has after surgery can vary, they had never had anybody completely lose sensation or be unable to orgasm after surgery.

I won’t get too detailed on this public post but it has been less than a year since my phallo and I have enough sexual sensation on my penis to orgasm just from it being touched, the buried clitoris doesn’t have to be stimulated (though it does help!)

Visual: I don’t have too much to say here but I’ve often seen people say that phallo dicks “look weird” or whatever. Mine looks….like a normal penis. It has been seen by many people of all genders and sexualities and nobody has ever said anything was off about it.

Really there is enough natural variation in native penises that I don’t think you’d end up with anything that wouldn’t be possible on someone born with a penis.

Hope this was helpful! If you have follow up questions feel free to bug me

[aufucker]

Good Boy

Aka Jack is Coping™️

BJ POV first half, Jack's in the second

CW: Super brief mention of wanting to noncon someone, talks of decomp work, pet play if you really squint, and dude just cranking it on the clock

You called him a lot of things over the times you begrudgingly had to work with him. Jackass, prick, pig, all things he had heard before in excess, with words losing more and more bite as time went on; almost becoming words of endearment, insults said with a snort and a roll of your eye. Said with a crinkle of your nose you hadn't noticed until he pointed out out.

Always did it when you smiled, apparently.

So he let you call him a dick, a fuck head, an old man, and a fucking pervert, for every insult would be met with that same smug grin that just barely pulled at the corners of his mouth, every response with the same "Mm-hmm." before finally doing what he should have in the first place. You knew he was doing this on purpose now.

And insults were so easy. So expected. It was simply how the two of you spoke to each other, and you were sure anyone else wouldn't get off so lucky trying the same.

You watched him sign his lazy scribble of a signature on insurance paper after insurance paper, every proof of detail of gruesome deaths that happened in each of those homes for some suit far away to pick apart, until the very last one was finally done and handed to you with little interest.

"Good boy." You told him as you reached for the paper. You saw his hand seize ever so slightly, the veins and tendons shifting underneath his pale skin as his grip on the paper tighted. Involuntary.

You always liked his hands.

"...what?" he asked. You never heard him sound so unsure, and by how he was looking at you, it was like you had someone else speaking from your mouth.

"Said 'good boy', figured trying positive reinforcement would get you to signing these off more often, yeah?"

His face was clearer than others, but even in the mess of shapes, you could see the shades of red and pink burning into his complexion. Ears picked the quiet hitch in his breath he tried to cover with the knitting of his dark brow and a curl of his lip. A desperate burial of the amused grin he usually wore. A bleeding of red darkening in his face with mossy eyes suddenly so much more interested in the legal jargon of the paperwork than they were looking at you.

But they still wanted to look at you.

"Just take your shit, B. I'll see you around."

"Gotta let go first, Officer Dean."

With a quiet huff from his nostrils, his grip finally released the paper's corner, now slightly softened and indented from his skin.

"Good boy."

"Bye, B."

☆☆☆

Your face was burning, blood boiling under your flesh from your anger, from your bruised ego. From your confusion. Her stupid fucking smile that crinkled her pierced nose, the way she honeyed those fucking words as she slid them to you.

Good boy.

She knew what she was doing. Rarely did the two of you do anything on accident. The clicking of your pen was loud, matching your heartbeat. Who the fuck did she think she was? What the fuck was she trying to gain from calling you that? Why the fuck was everything so God damned tight.

You hated your uniform; tight, stiff, and stuffy on even the best days, but now, it hurt. It ached and it pressed against the teeth of your fly and why?

You still heard her, her words and tones still so clear that they drowned out the sound of you freeing yourself from the smothering confines of your midnight blue trousers. Red and angry, just as you were.

You didn't even fully know why, yet you gripped yourself in calloused hand and pumped with quiet growls and swears through your clenched teeth.

"Good boy... who the fuck..." Your teeth found your bottom lip, pulling it in and locking it tight between canines until the taste of whatever boiled blood didn't traverse below coated your tongue.

Good boy. Good boy. How good would I be slamming her face into a wall and doing what I should have done years ago? I could be so fucking good making her choke around it. I could--

Good boy.

You could hear her so clear, even over your gasps for breath, over the grinding of your teeth as you tried so hard to swallow the practically pathetic whine of release that still poured between your fingers despite the vice grip you had on yourself.

You realized your anger poured out with it, leaving nothing behind but confusion and an unfortunately sticky mess under your desk.

What a good boy you are, yeah?

[toadcroaky]

im trying to absorb info abt tcoaal from your blog and i think ive picked up on a lot, but would you mind describing what the different routes are? like burial, decay, etc.?

Warning I’m fixing to go on an insane tangent.

ok so like there’s only 2 chapters out rn and the first chapter ends the same but in chapter 2 there’s 2 (3 kinda) choices you can make that drastically alter the ending. (There are 2 main paths but like 5 endings some are just barely different I’ll get into that in a minute)

In the basement when you have your parents tied up ready to sacrifice to the demon (they deserve it trust me) both siblings get a choice to essentially “choose” eachother.

Ashley has to chose to trust Andrew alone with their parents when he asks her to go get all the money off their moms credit card. She knows their parents always liked him more because he’s more outwardly “normal” and is scared they’ll convince him to turn on her as soon as she leaves. If you choose to trust Andrew, that’s one step closer to the Burial ending, what some people consider the “good ending” (it’s subjective, there’s still another chapter to release so we don’t know for sure!)

but if you choose to pitch a fit and say you don’t trust Andrew alone with them Andrew gets PISSED and is like I’ve already killed for you we literally have our parents tied up at gunpoint and you STILL DOUBT ME?? and that triggers the Decay ending which some consider the “bad ending” (again it’s subjective since we don’t Really know what will happen in ch. 3)

But even then, if Ashley chooses to trust Andrew and leaves he is also faced with a choice. Immediately his mother starts questioning him and telling him it’s not too late to turn on Ashley and let them go they would help him get a job, get back on his feet, etc. (keep in mind they’ve already betrayed him once by selling them both out to organ harvesters and then collected on faulty life insurance on the both of them)(like I said they deserve this)

Andrew gets the choice to either accept or decline his mothers olive branch. Now BOTH of the siblings have to choose eachother in order to get the Burial ending, but only one has to fuck up in order to get the Decay end. Basically if Andrew chooses to “accept” his mothers olive branch he straight up tells her he would if he could but Ashley has already drug him too far down to quit and he hates it and he hates her but this is how it has to be. He resigned himself to hating her for the things he feels he “has” to do and is bitter about everything and is ready to burn everything to the ground.

This is the ending where when Ashley has a vision where he chases and violently kills her with his butcher knife. Now this is where the decay route get interesting. There’s a third choice earlier in the game where in Andrew used Ashley’s gun she stole from the warden to shoot a hot man who’s been following them there’s a “Shoot.” And a “SHOOT!!!!!” Option, the later being Andrew emptying the entire clip into the guy so now they have no bullets.

Flash forward, if you get the decay ending then as Ashley is being hunted through her dreamscape by Andrew, if there’s bullets in the gun she can choose to defend herself and kill him. Or. She can put the gun down and let him kill her. Picking this option Andrew still kills her but it’s.. cleaner than if she couldn’t defend herself and she also says the saddest line in the ENTIRE game;

“Bye-bye Andrew, I had fun!”

And he turns to cradle her cheek before saying “I’ll see you in a little bit.” before slotting her throat.

I didnt play the Decay ending but that fucking broke me watching a play through.

I much prefer the Burial ending, which is where both siblings choose each other and say fuck social norms, what has society ever done for us we only have each other. Andrew is much friendly and open in this route and is unbothered by the act of butchering and eating their parents corpses. Even Ashley is shocked that he has next to no reaction to this and says he’s acting different. This is because in this ending Andrew chooses to unmask and is no longer concerned with what’s “normal”. (Even though he’s still concerned with avoiding any and all consequences to their actions, this is a core characteristic of his)

After they eat their parents Andrew suggests she try for another prophetic dream and this time he wants to try it too so they lay on their parents bed holding hands with the demonic trinket clasped between them.

In this route Ashley can have 2 different dreams and depending on how you do a certain puzzle in her dreamscape, unlocks the INCEST ROUTE (AKA the best route and I’m not even saying this for horny reasons it’s just true) doing this means they both share of vision of them post-coitus etc etc. I’m sure you’ve seen it.

They both wake up and Andrew is BEET RED and begs Ashley to tell him they would never do that. Note that for once HES giving her all the veto power implying that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself if she offered. You can say “Never” or “Never say Never” the former giving you the no-incest or Sane route and the latter obviously doubling down on the incest lol.

And yes you can still do the burial route and not do incest, this is called the “Sane” route and basically Ashley just has some weird puzzle dreams and Andrew sees nothing. The only difference is Andrew isn’t as friendly and playful with her as the incest route and ch. 2 ends.

So basically as of chapter 2 there’s 5 different “endings”

Burial

> Incest or Sane

Decay

Gun with no bullets > Andrew kills Ashley violently

Gun has bullets > Ashley kills Andrew in self defense OR allows him to kill her and he does so quickly.

I should also add that in Decay no matter what happens with the gun Andrew is always implied to kill himself right after he kills Ashley. He refuses to be separated from her and expects to see her in whatever version of the afterlife he believes in.

Anyway I’m sorry if this is incoherent but I just LOVE talking about this game I could do it all day if there’s anything you’re still curious about let me know!!! There’s also YouTube play throughs but I definitely recommend buying the game it’s so worth it.

[rrrawrf-rewrites]

don't forget to cry at your own burial | pt. 2

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 (coming soon)

this one has some pretty heavy subject matter; however, the main content warning is a significant spoiler. if you are worried, please check the end of the tags of this post for the cw.

---

She picked up on the second ring. Jameson had almost hoped she wouldn’t at all, but he had to get this done before he could move on.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mariah.”

“Jameson.” 

He scoffed softly. “You could at least pretend you’re happy to hear from me.”

“Well, we agreed not to lie to each other any more,” Mariah said archly. 

Jameson leaned back against the pillows, watching the tree outside his window shiver under a breeze. “Fine, then,” he said curtly. “I’m dying.”

There was, predictably, a long, awkward silence. He felt a small sense of triumph; he’d rarely gotten Mariah speechless in all their arguments. Jameson decided to go for the double-shot. “And Jamey got hurt at work. Pretty bad.”

A slight inhale, just audible over the phone. “Is she all right?” Mariah asked. “What happened to her?”

Jameson frowned at the tree outside. “Him.”

“What?”

His free hand gathered the edge of his blanket into a fist. “Jamey,” he said slowly, “is our son, Mariah. Has been for a while.”

There was another short pause, and then, in clipped tones, Mariah said, “I forgot. You can’t blame me for slipping up every once in a while.”

“Every once in a while?” Jameson’s laugh came ragged and breathy; it turned into a coughing fit before he could tell her that calling her son once a Girdamned decade was less than once in a while.

“Jameson?” she asked, her voice gaining an edge of worry. “Jameson, are you all right?”

He reached blindly for his glass of water, and Geo helpfully stretched out a wing to keep it from tipping over until Jameson could take a long drink. Once he’d managed to fight down the coughing, he said, in a haggard voice, “You’re a bitch.”

Her silence was stunned, and then her voice was frosty. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Fuck. How had Jameson only now realized that? On his deathbed, and he’d finally figured out what Jamey had known from the day they came home to find Mariah gone. Even after all the arguing, after being left with her debts, after practically never getting a phone call - Jameson had held on to the good memories for far, far too long. How many times had he fought with Jamey that she wasn’t everything he thought?

“Jameson Grey,” Mariah started sharply, but Jameson cut her off.

“You know he still thinks you left ‘cause of him sometimes, right?” he said, talking right over her. “He still thinks you wanted a daughter so badly that you couldn’t stick around.”

“That’s not -”

“His hand’s all fucked up.” Jameson dragged the conversation back on track with an almost physical effort, closing his eyes against the pain in his chest and the burning in his lungs. He took another sip of water. “Won’t tell me how bad, but he’s gonna be outta work for a while. My insurance isn’t covering everything. We’re leaving him nothing, Mariah.”

He sighed. “Less than nothing.”

Silence from the other end. Jameson watched a Wurmple creep across the tree branch just outside. “What are you saying, Jameson?” Mariah finally asked, her tone guarded.

“I ain’t paying off your loans anymore,” Jameson said wearily. “Neither is Jamey. He doesn’t know about ‘em. You’re gonna have to figure it out by yourself.”

He went on before she could answer; Jameson knew the gas station clerk would keep Jamey talking, and he couldn’t ride his bike with his arm in a sling. Still, Jameson didn’t have a lot of time left to waste arguing with his ex. “They suspended it for a coupla months, under the circumstances, but you’ll have to pick ‘em up at the end of the year.” “Under the circumstances,” Mariah repeated quietly.

“Yeah, since I’m dying, and all.” Jameson could picture her flinch. He could picture a lot of things, even if he hadn’t seen Mariah since the day she left, so many years ago. He sank back into the pillows, and after a beat, said quietly, “I wish you’d had come back. For Jamey, at least, if not for me.”

“Jameson,” Mariah started, then stopped. He gave her another few seconds, then gave up.

“I have to do it now,” he said.

“What? Do what?”

“Goodbye, Mariah.”

“Jameson?” Her voice finally, finally held the realization. “Jameson, no, what are you -”

He hung up. Fumbling with the side buttons, Jameson turned the phone off before she could try calling back, then sighed. And coughed. Coughed again. Felt bile in the back of his throat, pain in his chest, vision blurring. Geo gave a worried coo, nudging his shoulder until Jameson could breathe again.

Arceus, Jameson thought, staring up at the ceiling through tear-stained eyes. Why does this have to hurt so much?

He glanced over to the nightstand, reaching over to spread a couple of envelopes, squinting to try and read the names on them. Jenny and Jamey; his sister and his son. Jameson carefully nudged them further from the edge of the nightstand, then reached for the glass of water.

When he dropped it, it was intentional. Water spilled down the side of the nightstand, avoiding the letters and spreading across the floor. “Fuck,” Jameson said in a jagged voice. He ran a hand down his face. “Fuck. Geo, you mind gettin’ a towel? Don’t want Jamey slipping on this and breaking his other arm.”

The Crobat crooned, but then hopped up on the side of the hospital bed, hopped again, and glided out of the room. Jameson figured it would take the Crobat a minute or two to get the linen closet open.

Enough time for Jameson to dig out the bottle of morphine, still filled with all the doses he’d saved up for the last week.

Jamey would never forgive him, but Jameson had watched his own father die from the same disease that now plagued him. Maybe he was a coward, but he’d be damned if he let Jamey watch him wither away to nothing. At least this way, Jamey’s last memories would be of someone more than a hollow shell.

And Jameson was so, so tired of hurting.

He laid back against the pillows, and let himself slip away.

[healing-fire--rewrite]

I love the concept that the cats choose which afterlife the dead go to! How do they decide who gets what kind of burial?

There's a point before every funeral where it's expected that if you have a problem with the deceased, you step forward and announce it. There's a deliberation on whether the offence is bad enough for a dishonorable burial before a choice is made.

No one expects a cat to lie about their problems. In fact, you're expected to be 100% honest. A burial cannot be undone. Once a cat is in the afterlife, they can't move to a different one. Lying about an offence, even if the deceased still ends up getting an honorable burial, is bad enough that the liar will have a dishonorable burial when they die.

The time where you air your grievances about the deceased are meant to be completely judgement free. A cat can bare their soul and speak about the worst experience of their life and it will never be brought up again after the funeral. Is this healthy? Probably not. But it's also deeply terrifying to stand in front of your entire community and talk about how one of its members hurt you so badly you don't believe they deserve to go to kitty heaven. It's extra insurance to allow any possible victims the chance to insure their final form of justice.

Of course, there's also things that everyone just kinda... knows about. Everyone knows Commonshine had an affair with Plainpelt, and everyone knows they'll both have dishonorable burials because of it.

[abybweisse]

Hello! How are you doing?

As you have problably noticed with the barrage of likes, I have been reading your content and I came across a reply to one of your answers where you stated you believed that Undie killed himself with fire which I never heard before (I do know of the theory that he drowned himself)... I was wondering if you still think this (as I recall this was an older post) and what made you think it? I am so sorry if you already explained this, I'm trying to read all your wonderful, informative posts but I couldn't wait to ask (I assume it will take me a while to read them all and I love interacting with you 😅)

Also, how do we interact with Undie on here? Do we just ask him a question? Is there any rules/etiquette to follow? (I really mean it when I say I love your blog and want to interact more)

Thank you as always and have a great day/night

If my inbox is open, anyone can send Undertaker or Othello an rp prompt. The rules, as such, are pretty basic. Honestly, I'm not sure what my rules are. Maybe... nothing too graphic? Nothing too NSFW.

Death by fire?

There are some posts about this because others have asked about the suicide by fire idea. I still have a theory that he might have killed himself with fire. Either he set himself on fire out of protest, or perhaps he ran into a burning building to die with a loved one he couldn't save.

The main pieces of "evidence" I have for it are:

He keeps those biscuits in a cremation urn, despite the fact that cremation was not a common practice in Victorian England. The most common thing to do was save as much money as possible during your life to afford a full funeral and burial service. Open casket was preferred (if the remains were intact enough). People even got insurance policies for their funerals back then; that's pretty much how insurance first became a common practice. The burning death theory suggests he keeps the urn as a reminder of some kind; if the reaper rebirth theory also turns out to be true, that urn might even contain some of his original remains. 🤯

He not only cries over Vincent's death but comments how particularly bad it is to be burned to ashes. Sure, that meant Undertaker couldn't turn Vincent into a Bizarre Doll, but there might be more to it... some aspect of the burning that's more personal to Undertaker. Vincent actually died before he was set on fire, but idk if Undertaker knows this. He might know what it's like to die by fire and assumes his son Vincent experienced it, too.

When reapers show up, they tend to do things that give possible clues about their suicide methods. Like...

William first appears on top of a tall building and jumps down. I theorize that he suicided by jumping.

Grelle has been shown doing a "dead man's float" and has been compared to Ophelia (at least in the anime) and the original Little Mermaid (who jumps off a boat to die). So, I think Grelle died by drowning.

Ronald also has to be fished out of the sea by William, but the thing that really got my attention was the knife he carries and the wristwatch he shows off during the Campania arc. I suspect Ronald slashed his wrists, perhaps in a bathtub. That's a really old trope. Sometimes this is called a "Roman Bath", and it reminds me of Grelle trying to get William to go to the baths in Baden-Baden. It's at a bath house in Bath where Blavat bleeds those renal patients dry, too, come to think of it. And Grelle is the one who's actually collecting their souls. 🤔 However, I see Grelle as more of the "go jump from the cliffs or off a boat into the sea" kind of person. Maybe even the "weigh yourself down and walk right out to sea" kind of person. But Ronald? He's more likely the kind to try and slash his arteries because he thinks it'll be fast and easy... and finds out the hard way it's neither of those things.

Even Sascha, who we know hanged themself, seems to go everywhere with that camera (with the strap hanging around their neck). And when Ludger is talking to Sascha, just to see that Sascha had moved away from him, Sascha was sitting on a high-up tree branch... the sort of place one might hang themself from.

Not only does Undertaker keep that urn around and cry about Vincent burning to ashes, but we've also seen Undertaker walk right into a burning building (to collect real Ciel's body). If reapers keep doing things that are reminiscent of their own suicides, then this would be a strong indication about the method he used.

[bisexualamy]

Transition Update #64: Phallo Consults Omnibus

This post contains (sometimes frank) discussions of: surgery, medical appointments, weight loss, sex and dysphoria.

Just at the top here: I will not be publicly disclosing my surgeon or surgery center. Unfortunately, trans surgeries are more and more becoming public targets and I don't want to jeopardize my surgeon or my hospital further. If you're interested in pursuing phalloplasty and want that information, please DM me.

I'm having stage one phallo one week from today on October 10th! I'm incredibly excited and nervous and a bit scared, but I know with full confidence that this is the right decision for me and that, on the other side of this, I'm going to be so much happier and less dysphoric.

I had four phallo consults leading up to surgery, which is higher than average. There were a few specific factors in my case that necessitated this many consults. I'm going to summarize them all here since a lot of info overlapped consults. Please take my experience as a helpful guide but not a prescriptive experience. These things really vary based on your chosen method and your surgeon.

I'm also going to be frankly discussing my personal pros and cons about aspects of phalloplasty. This is the only disclaimer I'm going to give: these are my personal opinions based on my own dysphoria, health, body, and surgical needs. I am, in no way, casting judgement or degrading other people's phallo decisions. Just because I opted not to do something, doesn't mean I look down on those who do.

I talked a bit about my first consult here. I began the bottom surgery process back in August of 2022. I had to pass a lot of mental and physical health screenings (hospital policy) and preemptively get all of my insurance letters. This is to streamline the process going forward, since this is a multi-stage surgery. The hospital is taking care of arguing with my insurance for me. My insurance covers gender affirming care if you jump through all of the hoops, but they usually try to nickle and dime me on aspects of the procedure regardless. I'm really happy I don't have to deal with that personally.

I went into the consult process knowing my list of priorities for the surgery. They were, in order of importance: ability to have penetrative sex, retaining sexual sensation, aesthetics, and ability to pee standing up. While I personally don't care much about the last one, my surgeon and I ultimately decided to attempt UL once, using all best practices to mitigate complication, but agreed not to do revision surgeries if UL had significant complications. My surgeon told me that UL is easily reversible (a brief surgery taking less than an hr) and since this isn't a priority for me, it's not worth getting stuck in a revolving door of revision surgeries to fix it.

I also went into this procedure knowing I didn't want to do RFF, but knowing little else about other phallo methods. Financially, I couldn't wait to complete physical therapy to get full mobility of one of my hands back. My hands are my living. I later learned that I'm not a good candidate for RFF anyway, because I have poor circulation in my hands and forearms. My surgeon told me I was not a candidate for ALT, because the skin on my thighs is too thick, and as a result the circumference of the phallus would be unworkable. They told me that I'd have to lose an unhealthy amount of wait to qualify and we decided against it.

Ultimately, I decided to go with abdominal phalloplasty. Abdo appealed to me for a few reasons: it's compatible with erectile devices and t dick burial, it's not a free flap and therefore it lowers my chances of graft rejection or graft complications, and it would not require microsurgery. My surgeon also told me that my body type lent itself to abdo anyway. My surgeon warned me that it's unrealistic to expect sensation in the lower half of the phallus at all, and that they don't guarantee sensation at all. However, my surgeon did tell me that studies the hospital has done show that there's a greater chance of regaining sensation in the top half of the phallus, and that many post-op patients experience significant psychosomatic sensation through the whole phallus.

While this was a little disappointing, it was ultimately a nonissue. Right now, having sex is incredibly dysphoric for me, to the point where I cannot find it enjoyable. I'm not choosing between having full sensation sex and partial sensation sex. I'm choosing between not having sex at all and being able to have sex.

I did have to lose about 20lbs to qualify (again, due to the circumference issue). This was difficult for me as someone in ED recovery for binge-restrict cycles. I frequently talked about the weight loss process in therapy to try and come at it from a healthier angle. What made it additionally tough was that the weight loss was mainly aesthetic: I needed to lose it so my phallus would be an average proportion. The safest way I was able to do this was: pivoting to a mostly vegetarian diet and committing to my existing strength training regimen, two things I wanted to do anyway. I did have to calorie track, which can be a trigger for me, so some months I couldn't. Ultimately, I lost 15lbs and need to lose the other 5lbs by stage 2.

The rest of my consults were follow ups on my general health and weight loss. It's highly recommended that you get in the best physical shape you can before a surgery as intense as phallo, since it can help with the recovery process. I'm definitely in good physical shape, though several recent life stressors and personal tragedies have made that more difficult. I'm trying to be generous with myself on this front and admit that this was really the best I could do.

I also had to do laser on my graft site which was mostly painful and annoying but obviously worth it. Logistics for this were a headache that's no one's fault but my surgical center. It's not worth getting into because so many of the factors are unique to me personally and my phallo timing.

I told my surgeon I wanted to go slowly to further lower the risk of complication. My #1 priority here is safety and mitigating the need for revision surgeries. When my phalloplasty is complete, I want it to be done with so I can move on with my life. That being said: we staged my surgery out this way:

Stage 0: hysto and partial vgectomy (done back in January) Stage 1: meta, UL creation, complete vgectomy, "tee up" stage 2 so I can spend as little time on the table as possible Stage 2: take the graft and create the phallus Stage 3: scrotoplasty, glandsplasty, finish UL Stage 4: erectile device, finish scrotoplasty and glandsplasty

Staging out surgery this much is going to take way more time, but lowers my risk of complication. It also allows me to work and pick up limited-term contract work without prolonged interruption. I simply cannot afford to take 6 months of life off from work. I don't have the savings for it.

While that's annoying I think it's ultimately for the better. One thing I do appreciate about this timeline is that with each stage, I get something new that I really want. Overall this process has been mentally exhausting and tough, but it's going to be so worth it, and I'm so excited to finally have something to show for it.

[mariacallous]

Hi, I have a question about SSI disability. I recently learned that I am the owner of a life insurance policy on me that I was told belonged to my parents. It turns out that the policy's cash surrender value is over $2000. If I transfer ownership to my parents, does that count as giving away an asset for less than it's worth? If I cash out the policy and use it to repay as much as possible of the SSI I had received, will I still have to repay any amount over $2000 that I had been paid (cont'd)

So there's a couple of different things here.

First, is it the face value that's over $2000, or the cash surrender value? I just want to make sure that distinction was clear because they aren't the same (with the latter, there's usually fees and deductions that are taken out which make it less than the coverage amount purchased.

Additionally, for life insurance, you can only have plans with a combined value of up to $1500, though the total resource limit for someone on SSI is $2000.

Second, do you have burial funds designated already and/or can you get this split up into the life insurance and the burial funds (because they'll exclude up to $1500 for burial funds, but they can't be combined with non-burial assets)?

Third, are you currently receiving SSI/Medicaid? Have you reported this to the SSA and whichever county/local government department handles your Medicaid benefits?

Generally speaking, if you transfer ownership of something like life insurance for less than its worth, you would be ineligible for something like 36 months. If you sell it (or, say, cash it out for the assessed value), you wouldn't be ineligible due to that but you may be ineligible if it puts you over the $2000.

You would need to check and see if your plan allows for a conversion from permanent life insurance to term life insurance - insurance companies tend to discourage it, and sometimes there are specific requirements needed to do so. But if you're able to do so, you would want the "extended term" option which takes the cash value of your plan and uses it to pay the premiums for as long as possible.

Did you sign off of anything or approve the life insurance, and is it for sure in your name or are you just designated as a beneficiary?

If it has been determined that you need to pay back SSI, you can cash it out and use that to reimburse them, but what you need to keep in mind is that you would be responsible for paying SSI back the amount of benefits you received. If you aren't on SSI, you can request to get SSI while selling extra resources but you would still be responsible for paying back the benefits you receive, and the benefits wouldn't start until after you sign and they accept the agreement to sell.

Regarding Medicaid, are you active on it currently? Do you live in NY or CA, as they have made changes to the amounts of the assets they consider (to the benefit of the recipient)? If you're not on Medicaid currently, you would become eligible again once you're below the income and asset limits.

Were you on/eligible for Medicaid for Employed People with Disabilities or a 1619 exemption?

Have you reported any of this to them yet? If not, you may just want to see if you can quietly lower or terminate things and not say anything. Otherwise I would look into the burial funds or the conversion option.

I know how much this sucks (because I've had to help people in similar situations) but one (potentially small but important) bright spot is that you shouldn't/wouldn't be permanently ineligible, though the issue would be the repayment of the SSI benefits and how far back they require you to go for it. It may just be a current/short-term situation if you and your parents just realized the issue, and not the full two years.

[rogueemmy]

"Oh, I don't watch TV" "I don't read the paper" "I get my news online"

You know what, doesn't matter. Half the people you know these days don't watch TV, necessarily. But your online news - your NPR and BBC and CNN (or your best place for news) don't usually care what your city's elected officials are up to, but they get news like that because some local station/paper covered it.

The city council wants to change zoning laws to put in another strip mall - right where your kids like to play. The county is going to increase the speed limit on the road you live on, but there are no sidewalks and that's dangerous. The police are too busy to take your stolen car report, the local ambulance service is on a different insurance plan than the big hospitals, the third grade teacher in your small town was hit by a drunk driver and the school's teachers are chipping in vacation time for her recovery, the body of a WWII soldier has finally been identified and is coming home for burial, the next town over has a celebration for the founder, but we just learned they have a bad history; these are all the things that local news is FOR.

Nothing is more disappointing to me than to send a reporter out to cover a topic drawing dozens to something as boring as a city council meeting, and none of those people will talk to them. I DO NOT CARE what the politician or the official or the police or the fire marshal or the park ranger has to say about a topic. Honestly, are any of those people truthful? If they are, are they credible?

I don't care if you watch, buy the paper, subscribe, spend money on the thing I am reporting for. (I do care, but not for the purposes of your story!) I want to know what effort you've gone through to fix your issue. Did you write letters to the city council, did your nonprofit spend the day at your legislature talking with lawmakers, have you protested outside the police station for a week, did you fill out the online form, have you filed a police report, made a grievance with the labor board, video taped the officer sleeping at the end of your block?

Are you willing to share your story? I can hide your face, obscure your voice, talk off camera, I can protect you if you are scared. I can request documents and statistics. I'm not fast - I won't get your landlord to fix your AC today, I don't have reporters sitting in a room, waiting for your story, I'm not transferring you to my anchor 10 minutes before air to "get things done!" But I want to help you, I want to tell your story. And if we can nail the bastards in the process, so much the better for us all!

[hosannacomsg]

Here are 10 imperative things to think of before finalizing a funeral provider:

Whether you’re pre-planning or have just lost a loved one, finding the right funeral provider can be a painful experience. The particulars around death can make us uncomfortable and we avoid the topic until absolutely needed.

Here are 10 imperative things to think of before finalizing a funeral provider:

How long have they been in business?Is the funeral provider locally owned or an independent business? Depending on your loved one’s or your choice, the number of years, a funeral provider has been in business for is important.

Are services taken care of in-house or outsourced?Some funeral providers handle everything that’s needed, while others don’t. It could be possible for costs to increase for a funeral if the services are not in-house.

What kind of funeral packages are offered?Funeral providers should have everything from an all-inclusive plan to basic packages as well at different costs. These may include consultations, arrangements, coordination with the church and/or cemetery and even the preparation of official documents.

Do personal beliefs limit options?Funeral providers have all the options like embalming, cremation, viewing and burial. These can be customised as per your faith and personal beliefs.

How much is the basic costs and what other expenses should you anticipate?You can ask a director of the funeral provider for a general cost list of all the services they provide. This will help you make an informed choice. Caskets and urns may not be on the list, so anticipate the total cost to be higher than what’s on the list.

Can services be customised?Yes, depending on your funeral provider, services can be customised. Customisations may be charged more so discuss this in advance with them so that there are no last-minute hiccups.

How do I pay?The first thing that needs to be done is to check whether the funeral provider works with your insurance provider. The funeral provider should work with insurance on existing life insurance policies. They should have a system in place for help in arranging for financial assistance (if required). You can also pay a percentage of the total anticipated cost in advance to smoothen things during the process.

Source: https://hosanna.com.sg/funeral-providers/

[insureguardhub]

How Life Insurance Can Help Cover Funeral Expenses

Losing a loved one is one of life's most difficult experiences, and the last thing anyone wants to think about during such a time is how to cover the expenses of a funeral. This is where life insurance can offer invaluable assistance. Let's explore how life insurance can help manage funeral costs and provide financial support to grieving families.

Immediate Financial Assistance Life insurance policies typically provide a lump sum benefit to the designated beneficiaries upon the policyholder's passing. Unlike other assets that may take time to access, life insurance offers an immediate cash benefit that can be used to cover funeral expenses promptly. This ensures that grieving families have the necessary funds available to arrange a dignified farewell for their loved one without delay.

Coverage for Funeral Expenses Funeral costs can quickly accumulate and may include various expenses such as services from funeral homes, caskets or urns, embalming, transportation, cemetery plots, headstones, and other related fees. The payout from a life insurance policy can assist in covering these expenses, easing the financial burden on the family during a challenging period. By having access to funds for funeral and burial costs, families can focus on honoring their loved one's memory instead of worrying about financial strain.

Versatile Use of Funds One of the significant benefits of life insurance payouts is their flexibility in use. While the primary aim is to cover funeral expenses, any remaining funds can be utilized for other financial needs. This may include settling outstanding debts, meeting ongoing living expenses, supporting children's education, or establishing a memorial fund in honor of the departed. The adaptable nature of life insurance benefits ensures that families can address their most immediate financial concerns beyond just funeral costs.

Alleviating Financial Stress The passing of a loved one is an emotionally trying time, and financial concerns can exacerbate the grief. Life insurance helps alleviate this stress by offering financial support precisely when it is needed most. Knowing that funeral expenses are taken care of can provide comfort to grieving families, allowing them to focus on healing and coping with their loss without the added worry of financial uncertainty.

Preventing Debt Accumulation In the absence of adequate funds to cover funeral expenses, families may resort to borrowing money or using credit cards, leading to the accumulation of debt at a vulnerable time. Life insurance prevents this scenario by providing a dedicated source of funds specifically designated for funeral costs. By avoiding the accumulation of debt, families can navigate the grieving process without the additional burden of financial worries.

Ensuring Financial Security for Loved Ones Perhaps most importantly, life insurance safeguards loved ones from financial hardship following the policyholder's passing. By having a life insurance policy in place, individuals can ensure that their family members are financially supported even after they are gone. This proactive approach to financial planning offers reassurance to both the policyholder and their loved ones, knowing that they will have support during a difficult period.

For any questions or insurance-related needs, the LIC Agent from Thane is available.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

These are the things I hate about adulthood.

My mother-in-law is back in the hospital in Abilene. For your own safety and well-being don't ever get sick in Abilene, TX. I don't know what is going on at their hospital but it is not good.

Last year she got a cut on her arm that got infected. It wasn't even a big cut. She ended up in the hospital and in the hospital she got a staph infection. In the hospital they let the infection get so bad she nearly had to get her arm cut off.

They would tell her she was fine and tell her to go home and then two days later she would be right back in the hospital again. This happened about six different times before the infection was finally under control.

Now she is sick again and in the same Hospital. At first they said she had hepatitis. Then they said she had pneumonia. Now they are saying she has cancer.

All I can think of is how we have to prepare ourselves for her death, for packing her things after she dies, planning for her funeral and her final expenses.

I think she has life insurance and I think she has a will. But I have never dealt with any of this stuff personally.

When my dad died I was 20, and being autistic I reverted so far back it was like I was 12 or younger. My sister made all the arrangements and handled everything. I could not function. I was just . . . . I don't even know how I was because I blocked everything out. It was so traumatic..

I just know she did everything herself.

But my husband is even worse than I am under stress. He doesn't even like to make his own doctor appointments or call in to work himself when he is sick. I have to do all of that because it stresses him out so much.

So I have an awful feeling that I am going to be the one figuring out where all her stuff goes and planning for the funeral and the burial.

I know these are rights of Passage we all must face but man it is so daunting.