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scoops-aboy86 · 3 days

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Secret Admirer

Steddie Week 2024, July 1: Mystery / secret relationship / One Night Alone by Vixen

wc: 2131 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

cw: negative self talk (steve), allusions to unhealthy use of drugs and alcohol (eddie), and one horny paragraph

In the first few letters, Eddie had tried to disguise his handwriting. It occurred to him after a while, though, that there would be no reason for someone like Steve Harrington to recognize it, so he stopped. And he was right, nothing happened.

Steve hasn’t figured out the secret admirer letters he kept answering were written by none other than the official Freak of Hawkins High. Hell, Steve hasn’t even worked out that he’s a he. Though a few vaguely worded sentences every now and then suggest that Steve might not be assuming she either, which is…interesting. Possibly nothing, but interesting all the same. And Eddie knows he’s probably just stringing himself along by doing this, but he’s about to repeat his senior year of high school for the third goddamn time and this is a better option than drinking or dipping into the harder stuff that Reefer Rick expects him to sell. Broken heart likely, but at least he doesn’t wake up with a headache or the shakes.

Now it’s well into summer, and the PO Box he’d had since he was sixteen (for Blueboys and other mags that would get him equally tarred and feathered if anyone finds out) gets mail every damn day.

Eddie looks down at the most recent letter, rereading it for the hundredth time with a joint in one hand, several empty beer cans littering the bedspread and floor of his room around him.

Dear Secret Admirer, Hey, I’m sorry if I came on too strong in my last couple of letters. I get why you don’t want to tell me who you are. We probably went to high school together, right? You don’t write like a middle schooler and no one who graduates sticks around in this stupid town besides me. I guess that makes me stupid means you probably knew me when I was still a douchebag. Sorry about that. I hope I never said anything to you or let Tommy push you around. Except I don’t know why you would’ve started writing to me in the first place if I had? It’s not like I would’ve written back if I was still that popular guy who everyone talked to and thought was so cool. Yeah, I admit it, I thought I was hot shit back then too! But it turns out, they only give you the spotlight as long as you don’t put a toe out of line. Don’t point out when they’re being assholes. You wouldn’t believe the kind of shit some people will say when they think you already agree with them about everything. Anyway, I’m trying to be better now. Genuinely, if I’m not, if I’ve been an asshole in these letters at all, please tell me. And it’s not like I’m tired of writing to you, I just. Wouldn’t getting to talk in person be even better? Or we don’t even have to talk, if you don’t want to, that’s okay! You can come by Scoops and tell me it’s you and I’ll give you a free ice cream cone or something, whatever you want. Because actions speak louder than words, right? You keep sending me all these nice letters, and I’m not the best with words so I want to give you something too. (I don’t mean that like That wasn’t a come-on, I swear. Shit, I should rewrite this again but this is already the fifth draft, it’s not getting any better than this. Sorry.) — Steve PS, I don’t know if you have been to Scoops already, but if you’ve seen my coworker’s whiteboard I swear I’m not interested just because I keep striking out. Turns out I don’t actually know how to talk to girls without being weird. It’s weird being done with high school and not have that stuff in common to talk about, and I used to be this cool guy that I’m really not anymore so I panic and all this bullshit (who am I kidding) bullshit comes out my mouth and it’s EMBARRASSING. Anyway. I really like your letters, it’s been great having someone to talk to even if it’s not really talking a face to face thing, and I’m not just saying that because I’m kind of a loser now. Anyway, have a nice day! Fuck, Robin is right, I SUCK

The first bullshit in the postscript is crossed out so hard there’s a tear in the paper. All the scribbled out bits are borderline illegible, like Steve really tried, but Eddie can still make out most of it and can guess the rest from context. The very last word, for example, is totally obscured, but he has seen the You Rule / You Suck board, so. Yeah.

It makes his heart ache, the way Steve talks about himself sometimes. The way his insecurities bleed through artlessly on the page like coffee stains. Eddie alternates between wanting to wrap him up in soft things to protect him from whatever sharpness left him so cut open, and wanting to smother him with kisses for the bravery in being so genuine with a nameless, faceless stranger.

Except Steve isn’t his. Steve is straight, for all he’s apparently being kind enough not to make assumptions, and could never want Eddie in the same way. And it’s not fair, the hanging back that Eddie’s been doing, holding out now that Steve has come to look forward to his letters just because of a little (huge, massive, life-threatening) fear of rejection.

He’s been dragging his heels so long that Steve is feeling rejected, and that just won’t do.

Sighing, Eddie takes another long drag before stubbing the remaining nub of the joint out. Scrubs his hands across his face and considers getting another beer. Or maybe forgetting the corner he’s backed himself into, with Steve wanting to meet—not only to satisfy the curiosity of knowing who his secret admirer is, but because he actually seems to like the person writing to him. (Actually wrote that they didn’t have to talk if Eddie didn’t want to, Jesus H. Christ, why did he have to be such a fucking sweetheart about that?)

It’s late, and he’s already stripped restlessly down to just his boxers for bed. He could push it all aside, push his hands down the front of his underwear and get lost in different thoughts about Steve for a while, for the trillionth time. God knows that always works to clear his head, sometimes twice if he’s ambitious about it, enough for sleep to take him.

Instead, Eddie drops the letter on his bed and hunts around on his desk for a notebook he can stand to tear a few more pages out of. Once he has what he needs, he chews on the end of his pen for several minutes before putting it to the paper.

Steve, my beloved, It has been some time since I’ve replied. My deepest apologies for that, as it seems like you’ve taken that to mean something I absolutely did not intend. I received all of your letters, and “too strong” is not how I would describe them. They were lovely, sweetheart. I have reread them many times, I have slept with them under my pillow, I have cried happy tears over them for the thought that you might actually share my affection enough to want so badly to know who I am. Very quickly, to address some of your questions and concerns: One, we did share some years in high school, yes, and I’m pleased to read that you think my writing is at a level appropriate to someone approximately our age. (I wish more of my teachers shared that view, but alas, I’m pretty sure that most of them hate me. Except for the drama teacher, who would let me get away with murder as long as I didn’t stain or break any of his props with the act.) Two, Hagan was a dick, but more to my friends than me directly, and the worst you ever did was laugh when I dropped my books a few times, that sort of thing. Water under the bridge, fuck high school, etc. etc.. Three, you have not engaged in any assholery in your writing, or in any of your actions that I’ve seen in a long time. And four… you should’ve left the double entendre (i.e. the “I want to give you something too”); I wouldn’t have minded. Obviously I think of you as prime boyfriend material—thoughtful, good sense of humor and humility, and whenever those younger kids swing by to pester you at the mall you put up a good front of being exasperated and annoyed, but through all that I can tell you care about them. (They say never trust someone who would hurt an animal, it works for kids too.) But you’re also a total smoke show, baby. The effortless way you moved around the basketball court, same as in the water when you were still on the swim team, and in those indecently tiny shorts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running my fingers up the inside of those thighs. Or my mouth. Whichever you think you’d like best, baby, I’m not picky. And while I do like ice cream, particularly strawberry with rainbow sprinkles in a cone, I can think of something else I’d love to wrap my hand around and run my tongue over before any drips can escape. You just think about that, hmm? Maybe share some of those thoughts in your reply, if I haven’t scared you off with this paragraph. It was a relief to write that, to be honest. I am not without my fantasies, you see; in a lot of ways, they’re all I have. The real reason I’ve been hesitant to respond to all of your heartfelt entreaties to meet, sweetheart, is that I’m afraid. I’ve been head over heels for you for so long—for your looks before anything else, I’ll admit, but the douchebag boy from high school that you mentioned is long gone. A man stands in his place, and what a man you are. In writing to you, I wanted to make clear first and foremost how ardently I admire and love you, lest my feelings be mistaken for mere tawdry teen lust. And hopefully I’ve succeeded. If so, can you see now how actions can be carved in with the words? It is the intent that shines through, and I can read in between the lines, Steve, that you are being genuinely honest with yours. All those disparaging remarks you made about yourself in your last letter, both crossed out and not, are probably you being too hard on yourself, but they speak to the fact that you both understand you’ve made mistakes in the past and are trying to pay penance for them. That, along with your fantastic hair and magnificent ass, are just a few of the reasons I remain, as always— Your Secret Admirer P.S. I don’t mind weird. Like it, even. Bring it on, big boy. P.P.S. If all I could ever have with you is one night alone, I’d take it and be grateful.

Eddie’s letter is almost twice as long as Steve’s, but whatever. That’s par for the course; he never expected Steve to be much of a wordsmith, even though the guy is clearly putting in a lot of effort. Writes drafts, apparently. Unlike Eddie, who bangs all that out in pretty much one go and merely skims it before sliding it in an envelope, sealing it in, slapping on a stamp and address, and throwing it off the bed.

Then he falls into bed and strips his dick to the thought of Steve reading the letter and thinking about his mouth, half in a hot anonymous way and half in some imaginary reality where Steve knows it’s him and wants this just as badly. Of Steve groaning out how good it feels and maybe wanting to hold him after, fall asleep together, like they’re…

The next morning (or afternoon, whatever, it’s summer vacation), Eddie reviews his slightly fuzzy memory of the letter after stepping on the envelope and realizing, oh, right. Overly verbose and dramatic, the way he always is but even more so when tipsy. And… fuck it. One horny paragraph, he decides, won’t be the end of the world. Maybe it will scare Steve off; maybe he’ll enjoy it. Let fate decide, just like at the dnd table.

Eddie shoves the envelope into the mail drop box just outside the trailer park gate on his way into town and sends a prayer out to no god in particular that he hasn’t just rolled a nat one.

Permanent tag list: @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve

Tagging some folks who expressed interest about this story in my Wiggly Wednesday post last week, let me know if you don't want to be tagged going forward: @steviewashere @cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve

@rozzieroos @lunaraindrop @just-my-latest-hyperfixation

#steddieweek2024 #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #scoops words #secret admirer steddie

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merbear25 · 1 day

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Can you do Law, Zoro, and Ace x their beautiful S/O who is really really shy, but she gets a lot of attention because of her beauty and she gets really stressed and overwhelmed. ~ requested by anon

I’m so sorry that I deleted the original ask!! There was a weird glitch when I posted a different one yesterday where I accidentally posted that request to this one. Anyway, glad I copied it to another doc! I hope you like what I’ve written for you. 💜💜

CW: fluff, headcanons, fem!reader in mind but nothing specific mentioned

With a beautiful and bashful reader (Law, Zoro, Ace)

Law

He was incredibly observant—noticing reactions you’d make without you yourself realizing there was a pattern.

With your beauty attracting (mostly) unwanted attention, he did his best to steer others away from you, preferably without you noticing them at all.

Since you weren’t the confrontational type, shying away from the ones who got a bit too familiar with you, he made sure to step in to handle the situation. From his intimidation alone, they scampered away.

He’d be fairly protective over you, meaning he’d tend to stay close to your side or nearby. However, there were bound to be times he wouldn’t be able to be next to you.

Wanting to be sure you could work your way out of a nerve-wracking predicament, you’d spend a long time going over what you should do if x, y, or z happened.

Though it was far from ideal for either of you, it him some peace of mind that you could manage without him.

Zoro

It was obvious that you were shy and that it only became more difficult for you when others gave you that attention. It was more unfortunate for those who couldn’t take the hint than it was for you—being swatted away by Zoro wasn’t the most pleasant thing after all.

He was always the protective type—knowing you and his friends were safe was of high priority to him, as it would be for anyone.

That being said, he wasn’t going to suffocate you. He wanted you to have that independence to explore and experience things, so he wasn’t necessarily going to be hanging around you all throughout the day.

In saying that, he still kept an eye on you, especially when in crowded areas. Staying by your side, practically acting as a guard dog, his presence warded off any who so much as thought of flirting with you.

His temper wasn’t one that could easily be ignited. When it came to keeping you and others safe, remaining level-headed in the heat of the moment came naturally.

He didn’t even realize how much you needed someone like that, though. The rock that wouldn’t budge, even when you were being shaken to your core—it did more than he could ever understand.

Ace

As much as he thought your shyness was endearing and sweet, he wasn’t too fond of others giving you that same type of attention. Knowing that you didn’t like it either only gave him more of a reason to shield you from it.

Whenever you got stressed from the amount of attention you attracted, he was good at keeping you from spiraling.

Giving you stability that also came with a light-hearted smile helped ease your nerves, keeping that whirlwind of emotions from swooping you up in the storm.

Although he didn’t look extremely intimidating, he had his ways of getting people off your back.

He had charm and was good with people and when those mixed with his dash of mischief, he could easily trick them or distract them. It never took long after he swooped in to send them away practically forgetting the main reason why they’d come up to you.

Even if he was deeply bothered by how much those interactions weighed on you, his bright smile and laid back demeanor didn’t falter when he turned his attention back to you—just wanting to show you that everything would be okay.

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storybookprincess · 2 days

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hands down the best part of being a librarian is when i get to interact with weird misfit teenagers & we immediately recognize each other as deeply kindred spirits & on the surface i’m helping them track down some manga series they want to read or whatever but just beneath that, they’re really asking “are people like us okay when we grow up? does it end up okay? will i be okay?” and i’m saying “yes, we are. yes, it does. yes, you will.”

#just helped an obviously very queer teen patron & they were like ‘i think i’m really going to like this library’#YOU WILL!!!!! YOU WILL LIKE SO MANY THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!!!!! THERE ARE PLACES FOR PEOPLE LIKE US!!!!!!!!#liv speaks #library life

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bestlilithian · 2 days

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The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)

Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence

- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends

- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]

- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)

- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick

- Ive also noticed a lot of lilithian women are lesbians (including me <3) , might deal w lots of comphet tho

- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)

- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body

- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)

- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really

- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)

- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down

- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc

- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)

- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex

- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl

- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while

- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"

- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships

- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results

- People liking when youre mean 2 them

- People who hate you often want to have sex w you

- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao

- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)

- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains

- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude

- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)

- People trying to 'put you in your place'

- Recognizing other lilithians immediately

- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance

- Sex obsession since a young age

- Sexual harassment unfortunately

#lilith #astro observations #astro placements #horoscope #plutonian #astrology #lilith square ascendant #lilith astrology #lilith aspects #pluto placements #tw mysoginy

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thisisjustus13 · 2 days

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Alexander (Alex) Morello :D

Ah yes here is my very handsome olnf MC

also...

HIP HIP HOORAYYY 101 FOLLOWERS tysm <3333

okay now here he is...

This is Alex in step 1 !! he is a very shy and fear filled kid. Basically anything can make him overthink and believe bad things are going to happen. He's been like this since he was just a little boy :(

His fears also causes his social anxiety. If someone looks at him the wrong way, he's already walking away as fast as he can with watery eyes because he believes that that person hates him. Because of this, he grew up having a hard time making friends + no one really wanted to be his friend. According to other kids, "he is super weird and too much to handle. I don't want him clinging onto me when he's scared"

No one (not even his own mama) knows why he is afraid of everything he doesn't even know himself. Alexander wishes that he could be able to do fun things like all the other kids and not have his brain tell him all of the things that could go wrong.

Though when he meets Qiu and Tamarack, something flips in him. Though he is still scared of doing anything, he is willing to get over those fears if either one of them wants him to do it. He wants to make his two new (and first) friends happy!

(here is the full body design)

moving onto step 2...

Thanks to his two besties (and crushes) Alex is finally able to do the stuff he always wanted to do! Like go skateboarding by himself or order himself food at a restaurant (even though it takes him a little bit) But sadly that doesn't mean that those thoughts are still there. They are.

Alexander and his Ma were finally able to put a name to why he feels like everything is out to get him.. Anxiety~ So all of those thoughts about "what if this happens" "or what if I do this" are still there but they don't affect him as much as they used to.

Because of this, Alex was able to find some things that he was into. He realized that he really loved films and wanted to make some himself! He has a current obsession with horror movies though. If you asked him how many times he has watched Scream he wouldn't be able to tell you. (because he is embarrassed about how many times he has watched it.) But he has also taken Bass guitar lessons! He carries his bass guitar around everywhere (even if he doesn't need it).

As he grew older though, certain things start to bother him. He is always comparing himself to others. While his two neighbors have perfectly clear skin, his face his covered in acne. The way he walks is weird, the way he talks his weird. Everything about him is weird according to his own mind. He's just never pleased with himself. Even after all of these years, the thoughts about wanting to be normal still torture him. Why does he have to have anxiety? Why does he still have trouble with talking to others?

All of those thoughts fly away as soon as he talks to Qiu and Tam. He still will do anything for them but those feelings when he was younger starting growing into actual teenage crushes. Every single thing that those two will do can make his face turn red. Both of them are just so pretty!

here is the full body drawing of alex...

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ah yes.. if you compared Alex when he is 18 to Alex when he was 10 there was an absolute clear difference between them.

As Alex grew even older and went through those high school years, he was finally diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder and is taking meds for it!! Now that his anxiety is finally at bay he started to realize a couple of things.. Why should he care about what other people think? Why does he have to dress for other people? Why was he afraid to be himself?

Though it took a little bit, Alex started to actually find himself. He already knew that he wanted to go to school for film and that he liked to play bass. But! He finally got the strength to join a band as their lead singer and bass guitarist! Even though this band is only planning on staying in Golden Grove, Alex is super proud of himself that he is doing this anyways.

Because of Alex slowly growing to be more confident about himself, it started to be seen by other people too. Other people started to see how beautiful Alex really is and he started to see it to!

And something extra funny, his personality ended up being a copycat of his Ma's. After being total best friends with his Ma his entire life, he ended up becoming exactly like his Mama with the way he stands, the way he talks, just anything is exactly like his Ma. (Though he is still a little shy)

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That's my MC!! If you made it this far tysm!! And I'm so sorry if it was difficult to read I was spilling all of this from my head to this post lol.

Byebye!!!

#olnf #our life now and forever #our life #olnf mc #our life mc #our life now and forever mc

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cinnabonpst · 3 days

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It’s still crazy to me how some people really think Buck actually wanted Tommy’s attention and not Eddies when Buck literally came out of his mouth and admitted to trying to gets Eddies attention before he even lied straight through his teeth claiming he was trying to get Tommy’s.

And then people are like “He wanted both” ??? Look, I’m not gonna even sit here and say that Buck didn’t at least have an ounce of interest in Tommy, because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have showed up to see Tommy in the first place.

However, it's pretty clear that Buck only ever tried to get close to Eddie during that entire episode. There was not a single instance where Buck attempted to get Tommy's attention. Had he genuinely desired both, he would have exerted himself to get them both, but he did not.

That's the the exact reason why tommy goes "my attention?" At the end of 7x04 because Buck literally was only pursuing for Eddies and even Tommy clocked that himself.

Like, the whole reason why the situation bothered Buck so much was because Tommy had gotten so close and left an impression in Eddie and Christopher’s lives in such a short span of time. So Buck felt fucking threatened because he has never seen anyone be as close to Eddie and Chris besides himself.

And that’s the exact reason why in 7x04, when he goes to vent to Maddie, he is seen grilling the fuck out of Tommy instead of showing genuine interest. If you have a genuine crush, I guarantee you, you don’t go and talk shit about them to your sister💀

“Eddie just met the guy like, two weeks ago, and Christopher thinks he’s so cool”

“try telling Christopher that, he likes Tommy because he does the controls. I was like Chris, it’s not a video game”

“Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think you lie to a child just to ingratiate yourself.”

“Well Chris wouldn’t stop talking about him.”

It amazes me how many people watch that scene and still think Buck really likes Tommy.

I also wanted to bring up the prospect that Tommy may not genuinely be interested in Buck, as evidenced by his lack of interest in him while they are together. If he was, he would have taken action from the start. Tommy did not demonstrate any desire in liking buck or initiating a relationship with Buck at any point in the show but towards the end after Buck claimed he wanted Tommys attention. Which by the way, is a weird way to go about things.

If he wanted to, he would have. Tommy is a pretty confident guy, as the show has already shown, so asking out buck is light work for him, yet he made no attempt to ask Buck out. And take note of the fact that until Buck claimed he was attempting to catch Tommy's attention, Tommy never expressed a liking for Buck or made any moves.

Another thing I've noticed is that Tommy has stated his jealousy and envy of the 118s dynamics at least 2-3 times. If anything, Tommy started something with Buck because being with someone from the 118 would allow him to experience some of the family dynamics there, but I digress.

Returning to my original argument, this conversation between Buck and Maddie reveals in astounding detail why Maddie was taken aback when she learned that Buck was going on a date with Tommy. Maddie surmised that Buck was envious of Tommy rather than the other way around because his entire earlier outburst simply demonstrated his desire for Eddie. That's the reason she goes

"Eddies friend?!" Like, oh. You went on a date with Eddies friend and not Eddie?? you went on a date with the person you were so obviously bothered and threatened by because they were getting too close with Eddie?

Which gets me to my second point: when Maddie says, "Okay. I don't think you are a fraud. I just think you aren't sure about your own feelings yet, and if there's anything you need to tell Eddie, you will, in your own time." I reckon many people failed to take a step back and ask themselves why Buck felt like a fraud. Because, of course, we'd all think of the obvious reasons like 'oh, it's because he acted like an idiot' or 'oh, it's because he lied,' but this is Eddie we're talking about.

Because, in all honesty, Buck is aware that Eddie has no issues with queer people in general. He even had a brief friendship with Josh, who is gay, and is close to Hen, a lesbian. Though a little hesitant, Buck also had no trouble confessing that he liked a guy with Maddie; in fact, after making out with Tommy, he even strolled his ass into a room full of people with soot on his face.

In reality, Buck wasn't really "afraid" of people finding out. But with Eddie, things were very different. When it came to Eddie, he felt like a phony. Tommy was hardly acknowledged at all, and Tommy's feelings over his impetuous response were not even taken into account. Only Eddies.

People will say we "missed the plot" or that we’re "delusional", like no girl, this is the plot😭 The plot is that Buck clearly has feelings for Eddie, and the writers demonstrated this in 7x04 by using Buck's jealousy to highlight it, but buck being buck, he ends up mistaking these feelings for someone else.

They lead us on purpose, but not without providing a few hints for those with media literacy. There's a reason Buck and Tommy's entire buildup revolved around Eddie.

The plot isn't 'well, Buck was envious throughout 7x04, but we didn't know who he was jealous of; turns out he liked Tommy! That's a plot twist! No, Buck was jealous in 7x04, and we know exactly who he was jealous of, but the show purposefully led us astray and had him end up with the opposite person because they're doing the 'I'm in love with my best friend but don't know it' trope for Buck and possibly 'unrequited love but not actually unrequited love' for Eddie in season 8.

#911 abc #911 show #buck x eddie #buddie #eddie diaz #eddie x buck #evan buckley #911 season 8 #analysis

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 days

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I’m like 90% sure I’m a lesbian but I keep worrying what if I’m super secretly actually attracted to men I’m just like. Broken 💀

Honestly though

I don’t want to turn out to like men?

I mean

I wish I liked them because I haven’t gotten over the struggle of realizing I don’t (realizing I like women was relatively easy, realizing I don’t like men is harder) BUT

if I do like them I think that would honestly suck

because the way I feel about men in that context is a way I don’t think I should feel if I were attracted to them

like if I become really really deeply uncomfortable and disturbed when a man shows romantic interest in me and I’m honestly grossed out by a lot of their body parts…realizing I’m attracted to them would kinda suck and I feel like invalidate my lived experience??? because if I do like them then I have no explanation for those feelings (genuinely there isn’t a reason I can think of)

If it turns out I do like them then I have these really weird feelings about them that don’t make sense and no label for me

hi anon,

hey. come in. have a seat. let's take a deep breath, okay?

what I'm hearing right now is a tremendous amount of anxiety over a problem that, in the politest way possible, it sounds like you've kind of invented for yourself.

you also seem to be operating on the idea that being attracted to any man, ever, would somehow reflect poorly on you, which isn't true at all. a person's sense of sexuality and attraction says almost nothing about them, and it certainly doesn't invalidate any other part of their life or require an explanation.

even if you were to experience an attraction to a man someday, what's the actual worst case scenario? if that wasn't something you wanted to act on or otherwise make room for you in your life, you wouldn't have to. no one could make you have sex with him, or enter a relationship with him, or even admit that you were attracted to him in the first place. every single day, countless people of every gender and sexual orientation imaginable experience fleeting attractions that they'll never act on to people they'll never see again. it's profoundly not that seriously.

attraction is involuntary; there's nothing helpful to be done in stressing about something you might hypothetically feel someday about someone. but what you do with attraction is entirely up to you, so rest assured in the knowledge that if you ever do have a feeling about a man you can simply do nothing about it and continue having a perfectly lovely life.

also, hey, gentle reminder: there are no body parts some men have that some women don't also have, and not all men are working with the same parts, either.

#sex edventures 2024

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steddieas-shegoes · 2 days

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and on the first day, god said let them have a drummer

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'in the beginning'

rated t | 556 words | cw: language | tags: gareth introduction to the band, they are all idiots, that's the common theme with all of these

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

"Okay. We need a drummer."

This one lasted longer than all the others at least, but turned out he thought they were planning on playing at school only.

His parents would never let him play The Hideout.

"We've exhausted all options," Jeff sighed, leaning back in the beanbag chair in the corner of the garage. "Hawkins has three drummers and all of them have played for us."

"Are we the problem?" Frankie asked, resting his head against the wall.

"We can't be," Jeff replied, though he sounded unsure.

"I could be," Eddie sighed.

Not many people were interested in hanging out with the second year senior who participated in "devil games" and hung out in the woods entirely too late at night.

Never mind the fact that he was only in the woods late at night because their kids were buying drugs from him.

"Man, shut up." Frankie rolled his eyes. "None of us are exactly the town's favorite. Maybe we should try asking around at The Hideout. Someone older might be interested."

"Jeff's mom isn't gonna let a grown ass adult hang out with us in their garage," Eddie argued.

"You're a grown ass adult," Jeff looked at him.

"Barely. I'm the least mature of all of us."

They nodded in agreement. He definitely was youngest in spirit.

Plus, Jeff's mom absolutely adored him for some reason. None of them quite understood it, but Eddie insisted it was just his charm.

"What about that one kid in band?" Frankie asked, standing up straight. "What's his name? It's kinda stupid. Garrett? Garen?"

"Gareth Emerson?" Jeff asked. "He's, like, 12."

"He's 15! And he can play. I saw it with my own eyes. He's good," Frankie argued.

"How are we getting him into The Hideout?"

"The same way we all do: lying."

They all sighed in unison.

"What other choice do we have? We have to try. None of us can be the drummer." Eddie hated that they were stuck doing this, but he had to trust this would be the one.

"So…who's gonna ask him?" Frankie asked.

"Your idea, you ask him," Jeff said as he pulled his guitar back in front of him and strummed it once. "Tell him first practice is to see if he fits. Don't make it sound like we're desperate."

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

"So…you're really desperate, huh?" Gareth asked as he sat behind the drum set Jeff kept in the garage.

"No! We just haven't had much luck," Jeff said.

"Right. Well, I don't mind helping you guys out, but my mom's not gonna be cool about performing in fuckin' dive bars," Gareth adjusted the stool. "Why do you even have your own drumset?"

"My dad plays."

"And Jeff thought he would be cool enough to be a drummer a few years ago until I showed him how to play guitar," Eddie nudged Jeff's shoulder before he turned to the amp to his side and adjusted the volume.

Jeff's parents weren't home, but the neighbors might be, and the last thing they needed was a formal noise complaint.

"You guys know I can't even drive, right?" Gareth asked, spinning a drumstick in his hand.

"Yeah, dude. Your voice still cracks. We're well aware you're a child. Don't make it weird," Eddie smirked. "You know Sabbath?"

"Of course I know Sabbath."

"Let's fuckin' play then."

#corroded coffin #corrodedcoffinfest #eddie munson #jeff stranger things #freak stranger things #gareth stranger things

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nalyra-dreaming · 1 day

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"Let me know if you want to know more :))" If it's not asking much, yes, please?! I really know little to nothing about the books. I see what people post here, like, I didn't know about Rose and only found out about Viktor this week lol. Unfortunately the books aren't always available in my country and I'm still waiting to buy and read them. D:

Okay, for a rundown:)))

In the books:

Lestat finds Louis again through the rockstar career, and he writes his own story down for him, which Louis reads. Their reunion is quite beautiful, Louis and Gabrielle fight other vampires side by side with Lestat. There is a kiss backstage :)

Unfortunately Akasha kidnaps Lestat, because she thinks he is the epitome of toxic masculinity and that she can use him for her plan to take over the world (literally), burning a lot of the vampires. It’s a misjudgment though, Lestat is fearful of her killing the ones he loves, but starts to resist her ever more (she forces him to do her bidding via spells at times). Louis, Gabrielle reunite with all the others to hear the history behind Akasha and ultimately they meet up with her and Lestat, ending in Akasha‘s death. Louis and Lestat have a very romantic scene together.

Afterwards Lestat is changed though, battling with the event. He got a huge amount of blood from her, because she wanted him strong, and he experiences severe body dysmorphia and self hatred. Louis and he are in a weird “Netflix and chill“ era, visiting each other regularly, watching movies together, being petty with each other. Lestat’s guilt and that self hatred drive him to suicide, but he is too strong already to burn in the sun and he heals to retain a tan (only). The Body Thief sees his chance and offers him a mortal body for a while, and Lestat takes it. The Body Thief does not return his body though and so Lestat tries to bring Louis to turn him again but Louis refuses (very emotional scene). Louis tells Lestat to live that mortal life and Lestat has to turn to others (David in the book here maybe Daniel?!) to get his body back bc he realizes that he does want to be a vampire (after all). He manages, and there is a very beautiful but very raw scene with Louis in a church afterwards. Lestat tries to convince himself he is evil (for wanting that vampiric life back) and rapes David into darkness just as he was raped into it. All through the book Claudia‘s ghost is there and speaks with him. Lestat has Rue Royale fixed up and he and Louis (and David) live there again.

A while later a being claiming to be the Devil visits Lestat - he wants his help, and takes his soul onto a journey beyond (it is later confirmed that Lestat was gone from this plane of existence) and the events with heaven, hell, purgatory and Lestat drinking the blood of Christ (literally) shatter him. He loses an eye in purgatory, which is returned to him, altered. He goes a bit mad, confined to a church, where Louis and a few others tend to him. Louis comes by regularly to read to him, change clothes, etc. Lestat falls into a sleep.

Lestat’s coma continues, but it is involuntary at times. As he later tells it the altered eye allowed angels to take his soul to do their bidding, while threatening him. The unpublished novel at Tulane tells of one of those adventures. Lestat’s coma is hard on Louis. He is haunted by the fact that he has never seen Claudia’s ghost and with the help of Merrick, a witch, they conjure her, an event for which the diary pages are important. Claudia’s ghost is a vengeful one though, hating him, and he tries to commit suicide after. Lestat wakes up and saves him. They reunite and exchange a lot of blood and afterwards Louis is changed a lot. They leave NOLA because the Talamasca threaten them.

Something not closer defined happens while they are in the jungles, and Louis goes to Armand in NYC, where he is safe from the ever multiplying vampires. They spend some time apart, Lestat roaming, Louis with Armand, both coming to terms with who they are now. This is when Rose needing help must have happened. When Viktor was conceived and raised.

Another burning is happening - the spirit that propels them is clming to consciousness: Amel. It uses older vampires to thin out the ranks. Lestat is called and finally returns from his wanderings, and he defeats an elder and takes the core, effectively becoming the prince of the vampires. He and Louis meet, Rose, Viktor and first trouble with Roshamandes happens.

Amel is coming further to consciousness, recalling the being he was, once. Recalling who he was with, too. Lestat sets up court in his old family castle, now renovated. All big players come. Lestat goes to Louis and Louis comes to him - for good, with a very emotional plea. They are together for good after. Amel need to be removed fromthe vampires and Lestat, he gets a cloned body. Louis comes up with the solution, and holds Lestat’s hand through it.

Roshamandes, the ancient slighted bc he did not get the core is outfor revenge tjough, and kidnaps Gabrielle, Louis and Marius, sending ashes to Lestat. Lestat… shuts down. Armand goes feral (in words, incredible scene!!).

Lestat goes to Roshamandes in an all-or-nothing move and kills him, creating the “Blood Communion“ with the remains. Louis and the others are found, and Lestat can finally breathe again There is a big celebration, and the book literally closes with them dancing and kissing and Lestat telling Louis he loves him and always had.

______

This is the rundown :)

As you can imagine there is a LOT the show can do with this. In the books they kiss, the show has added sex, and so I expect some scenes to be a lot more sexy :) Louis is a lot more involved in the later arcs, his and Lestat‘s arcs are inverted. When they finally come together (for good) once more they are at peace with each other.

They have a son, and a daughter, their friends are with them. Former loves, too.

They have left their human pains behind, have accepted themselves as vampires.

Louis calls it the “monarchy of darkness“ in the unpublished draft at Tulane, and knowing Rolin knows of those drafts… I do expect this on the show :)

Obviously some of this will be spun differently. Has already been used, and/or used differently. But I expect to see the Body Thief parts, definitely. Akasha and the aftermath. And we know we’re getting the rockstar era :))

I think the show has already hinted at Amel, and so I do think they’ll finish with that arc :)))

We‘ll see. Since the relationship in the show is deliberately more explicit I think a lot of the canon events will be a LOT more intimate. It’s not about sex for them.

It’s about eternity and acceptance, both self acceptance and acceptance of the other.

And I cannot wait to see what the show makes of it.

#anonymous #ask nalyra #interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #vc #the vampire chronicles

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princesstarfire1234 · 3 days

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TLDR: I fucking despise ship art and fanfics that infantilize Orion Pax / Optimus Prime

Okay so I just wanna put my thoughts out here right now because I've not seen many people talk about it and it honestly bothers me a lot...

So, it's no secret that I ship MegOp and stuff right? I like and have reblogged a bunch of art of them before and I will keep doing so, but something about how this place (or more certain parts of the fandom) portray the ship gives me major icks and I fucking hate it so much

Detailed thoughts under cut ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Case in point, a massive part of the TFP fanbase likes to ship Orion and Megatronus and I get that, I get why people like shipping those two but it's the WAY they do it. A lot, not all, but most of the fanart surrounding Orion Pax and Megatronus is him being like the smaller and more submissive one of the relationship which fine, whatever, but most people just end up drawing him REALLY small like ik he's shorter than Megs who was a gladiator and all that and he was an archivist but jesus christ... Aside the size which is weird and all but it's really all about the rampant infantilization of the guy. When they remove all agency from the character and act like Orion is gonna fucking combust the moment someone confronts him or tries to fight him like no... I've not read Exodus but I don't think Orion being a nerdy book guy is gonna make him THAT soft, this is still the same mech who became PRIME like cmon

I don't know the exact words for it other than "infantilization" but like y'know what I mean right?? I'm not gonna name blogs but there's this one AU on here where Orion is blind and it has this cutesy artstyle which is fine but I vividly remember reading a comic on that AU where some thugs confront Orion and he's all like sobbing and shit and has to be saved by someone and it's... so you made him disabled and also a crybaby and absolutely incapable of anything??? Does that NOT give you an ick of sorts or seem weird??? God I don't even know anymore because I've seen many people seem to like that so I'm just scared I'm the weird one and wrong for this lmfao... Maybe there's smthn im not getting, you tell me

Anyways this post is getting real long, but this kind of "infantilization" also applies to certain fanarts of TFA MegOp, I always thought the ship was bordering on kind of strange (since TFA Optimus is like the equivalent of some 20-something college dropout and Megatron is implied to have been doing the war stuff way way way back like Ratchet's time) but I won't get into that, I just don't ship that certain brand of the characters myself, but it's fine, do what you want with it. Just know that I have seen art of those two where they treat TFA Optimus as this sort of incapable cutesy uwu boy (aaaghh)

So yeah.... hahahaha stop infantilizing characters and taking a ship where they're both grown ass big men and like straight up turning the other one into some weird ass incapable version of the character that lacks any and all agency and honestly bordering on being really icky as fuck, thank you, idc if you make Optimus the bottom or whatever, that's not what I mean, cya ✌️

#this got really long ahahahaha #i hope it isnt TOO intimidating to read dear lord #and i hope that all made sense idk #the true solution to this problem is that we should all just ship IDW nad Earthspark MegOp fr #dont attack me graaaah #everytime i see weird megop art like this #ill just retreat into the small crumbs of art that there is for SpinKrok #the superior ship /j #transformers #tfp #orion pax #megatronus #optimus prime #megatron #megop #shipping discourse i guess?? i mean i just think its a weird issue #at th end of the day i dont think i care all that much #it just bothered me a little that ive never seen anyone talk about it #i feel insane cuz of that lmao

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scoops-aboy86 · 2 days

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By The Heart (Secret Admirer pt 2)

Steddie Week 2024, July 2: Hands / touch starved / Invisible Touch by Genesis

wc: 2136 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

After the world fell apart a second time in November of ‘84, Steve had finished out the rest of his senior year in a daze. Partly because Billy Hargrove had broken a fucking plate over his head, giving him a small scar by his hairline that the doctor said would fade and recurring headaches that the doctor said might stick around anywhere from a few months to forever.

It’s been more than a few months and the headaches are only slightly less frequent and a tiny bit less severe.

He graduated, barely. His dad keeps dropping pointed comments about how his parents let him stay in their house rent-free after high school, how he’d saved up while attending a nearby college by not having to worry about the cost of a dorm or basic meals, and that it is his gratitude towards them that has moved him to offer the same to Steve. Usually said comments come after Steve tries to sidestep some sort of menial task, and it always feels like a threat.Steve just grits his teeth and takes it—refills his dad’s drink when the bottle is already literally right by the man’s hand, washes the family car after dinner when both his parents know that Steve has a shift at Scoops first thing in the morning, whatever. He can’t afford to get kicked out right now.

His job at Scoops Ahoy is shit, all bright fluorescent lights and kids screaming and everything getting sticky for a measly minimum wage, but that probably reflects the quality of the job application he’d submitted.

He has no friends, no prospects, no one in his corner except a bunch of incoming freshmen and the only one who really seems to want him around is off at some sort of smart people camp that he’d never even heard of… Go figure.

But he has Secret Admirer.

Okay, what Steve has is a pen pal who has a PO box and prefers to remain anonymous, possibly because Steve is an embarrassing person to have a crush on these days. And it’s really stupid that he thinks of them as first name Secret, last name Admirer, but it’s not like he hasn’t tried to come up with better names! Unfortunately, there are so many things Secret Admirer has called him (sweetheart, darling, dearest, honey, baby) that he can’t really think of anything original with those constantly rotating in his head… He can’t use them, though. It’d be weird.

The first letter had been shoved into his locker in the last few weeks of school, looking like someone either wrote it with their non-dominant hand or had also suffered a blow to the head recently, and he hadn’t known what to make of it at first. In fact, he’d considered the possibility that Tommy or Billy were playing some sort of prank on him… but he didn’t think either of them could write “To Steve, the heart of my heart” without bursting into homophobic flames, and if it was Carol she would’ve done her girliest handwriting with hearts dotting the eyes. And his Secret Admirer had mentioned things no one else in his life seemed to care about.

Like,

I hope you’re feeling better. Sometimes I notice you squinting or grimacing in the classes we have in common… Are you still getting headaches? Do you get enough rest? You probably already know this, but mental and physical rest are super important for getting your handsome self all recovered, big boy.

And,

I had a concussion once, not a bad one but it really left an impression. Felt like I was trying to think through a head full of soup for weeks. It sucks that teachers didn’t seem to cut you much slack because, just saying, I noticed they used to do that a lot more when you were still on the basketball and swim teams. Jock privilege placed above consideration of an actual, serious injury? I’m sorry, but that’s the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril, sweetheart, and you deserve better.

So, yeah. Clearly his Secret Admirer is a nerd who doesn’t necessarily have the best opinion of jocks… but still took the time to notice all those things and write kindly about them. It felt nice, knowing that at least one person out there noticed, maybe even cared.

And when that letter turned out not to be a one-off, a few more letters in his locker and then one in his mailbox, postmarked and everything, after graduation? Steve was hooked, enough to start writing self-consciously back.

Which has brought him to the point of wanting so badly to meet this person that he’s stooped to begging, and it’s not even getting him anywhere.

It’s occurred to him that it could be a guy, of course it has. Steve might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he knows it happens. He’d had a friend in middle school, Todd Fischer, nice guy, totally normal kid—got caught kissing some boy in the next grade up behind the gym and turned out to be the worst sprinter of the two. The Fischers had moved out of Hawkins a few weeks later and Steve hadn’t heard anything from or about Todd since. They’d been halfway through reading Romeo & Juliet in English at the time, and Steve remembers thinking when they got to the end of the play that at least things hadn’t gone that badly for Todd and whoever the other kid was. He’s old enough now to know that it could have; between Todd being such a nice kid, Barb dying in his own backyard, and the threat of government agents coming out of the woodwork if he ever breathes a word about certain secrets, the thought leaves a bad taste in Steve’s mouth.

Anyway, if it is a guy, that would explain why Secret Admirer keeps dancing around his pleas to meet. And the initially disguised handwriting—which had been dropped by the second mailed letter, along with a brief, sheepish apology.

But it could also be a girl who’s really shy or something. Steve doesn’t want to assume and then look like a total idiot further down the road. Whoever it is, all Steve knows is that he doesn’t want to lose them. He has to play this smart, play it cool… because he knows himself, and already knows that they have him by the heart based on words alone.

The latest letter is in his hands, crinkled a little at the edges, and Steve can’t help himself from rereading the fifth paragraph yet again.

… those indecently tiny shorts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running my fingers up the inside of those thighs. Or my mouth. Whichever you think you’d like best, baby, I’m not picky. And while I do like ice cream, particularly strawberry with rainbow sprinkles in a cone, I can think of something else I’d love to wrap my hand around and run my tongue over before any drips can escape. You just think about that, hmm? Maybe share some of those thoughts in your reply, if I haven’t scared you off…

He’s not scared off. Doesn’t need to know exactly who put pen to paper to imagine hands and lips running up his legs, either, an invisible touch that sends shivers along his spine.

Okay, maybe it’s been a while. Between striking out from behind the Scoops counter and not really trying all that hard anyway, the only action Steve’s seen is from his own hand… and this letter. He has thoughts, alright, but has a much better idea of how to translate them into action than words. And this is his problem with the whole pen pal only thing, his natural charm (if he has any left) is absolutely useless in this medium.

The other problem is that he really, really wants to jerk off about this, except he’s got almost no details to fuel the fantasy. He knows that Secret Admirer had a concussion once, but not what color or length or texture or style their hair is; knows they’re on the fringes of popularity and not really into sports, but nothing about their height or build or how they might move against him. Hell, he doesn’t even know if they’re a girl or a guy, isn’t sure if he should try to imagine boobies and painted nails or stubbled cheeks and big hands.

Secret Admirer has mentioned being a smoker though, of both tobacco and grass, and Steve is not exactly proud of how strongly this makes him want a cigarette just because it’s all he has to go on. He has work in under an hour and Robin hates the smell of cigarettes, will be extra vicious for their entire shift if he comes in reeking of smoke.

He’ll have to figure out something else…

Dear Secret Admirer, Thanks for writing again, I was really glad to get your letter. I don’t sleep with them under my pillow because sometimes my pillow ends up on the floor and I don’t want to drool all over them. I keep them in a box in the back of my closet, because sometimes my parents have the cleaning lady do my bedroom without telling me and I don’t want her going through my stuff or putting it in weird places that I can never find again. Sorry for laughing at you You must not have seen me last week when I threw a banana peel at my coworker for It’s not being humble if I don’t deserve Yeah, fuck high school. Sorry for not rewriting this, I’m running out of paper and my dad’ll kill me if I break into his office to get more I definitely thought about what you said in your last letter. I thought about it a lot. It’s hard to figure out how to explain what though, because I wanted to picture you like you were probably picturing me when you were writing it. You obviously know what I look like, but I don’t know who you are so I had to get creative. (Which isn’t my strong suit. So if this is stupid maybe we could just never mention it again?) Since I don’t know what you look like and it’d be weird to try and picture you anyway, and then what if I’m not even close and that makes it seem like I don’t like you for who you are? I’m not sure if that makes sense. But anyway, since I don’t know what you look like I pictured you dressed like a ninja. Hear me out, okay? You’re such a mystery. Ninjas are mysterious, and dressed all black to blend in with the shadows. You can’t see their hair or face and they wear gloves because you can tell a lot about a person by their hands. I guess what I’m saying is I imagined you sneaking into my room at night when the lights are off. Totally silent but with this powerful presence, you know? I think if I were in the same room as you it’d feel like that moment right before the whistle goes off at a swim meet, because that’s just like, holy shit it’s about to happen and your muscles are all tense but ready but you’re waiting, coiled like a snake. So I’m coiled like a snake and you’re still a ninja and I’m not very good at this. I’ve done it over the phone a few times but that’s different. I don’t know where I’m going with this just sitting writing this alone in my room with Genesis playing in the background so I’m going to stop. Just trust me, it was hot. If you ever want to exchange numbers I’d be happy to tell you all about it sometime. It feels weird to end like that, so I’ll also tell you that I tried reading that Hobbit book you suggested and you were right, it’s a lot easier than the Rings book that the kids I babysit tried to bully me into reading. Bibo is freaking out about all these dwarves in his house and I can relate, it sounds like when those kids all show up and try to rope me into driving them around town. At least they haven’t tried to make me steal anything or try to take on a damn dragon yet. Hopefully this book won’t give them any ideas. — Steve PS If that was so dumb you changed your mind about still writing to me, please let me down easy. Seriously it would be no hard feelings. At least I still have a great ass and great hair, so I’ve got that going for me.

Tag list (open): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @thetinymm

@practicallybegging @fuzzyduxk @greatwerewolfbeliever

#steddieweek2024 #scoops words #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #secret admirer steddie

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kale-of-the-forbidden-cities · 3 days

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Della Vacker post

I made this doodle of her while i was supposed to be working on artfight refs, but not to worry! i finished those just in time today :>

notice the Vacker registry pendant and prime sources chain. Notice how anxious she looks!

and now for the playlist which will make more sense after you've read the headcanons. You don't have to think it's perfect or in character, that's okay, it's just stuff i came up with

and now under the cut is my 15 page google doc thoughts of Della Vacker, from when she started dating Alden to Legacy-ish?? warning i think they get worse as they go, don't focus on the stuff after book 1 time, i'm not sure if i like it as much as i do the other as far as writing and wording goes and stuff

if you do take the time to read this, comment on it as much as you want!!! it feels good when people point out specific parts hehe

TW: mentions of eating disorders and ~uncomfortable age gaps~

Alden and Della had sort of an arranged marriage, with Alden on Della's match lists when she was sixteen, and her parents saw and were delighted to see a Vacker as her number one, but Della tried to argue, saying he’s a hundred years older, but by the time Alden got his next list she was nineteen and invited to his Winnowing Gala. Della was standing among all these girls who were mostly at least 30 years older than her, and she was terrified. She didn’t feel good enough to be there. She felt out of place. But Alden’s parents seemed to really like her, though she couldn’t tell if that was because they actually did or if it was just because she and Alden were each other’s top matches. She felt super weird about it, and he felt weird about it too, but despite the age gap, they were kind of pressured into getting together.

And at first it was sooooooo awkward. They didn’t feel comfortable around each other, and Della still felt like a kid next to him. Not to mention the sheer perfection of him, and the other Vackers. This is where some other headcanons start coming in, with Della not feeling perfect enough, and she began to develop an eating disorder.

This whole thing is so stressful for her, but her parents are happy, and Alden seems happy, who is she to ruin it? She was once an enjoyer of gossip, but now she's part of it, there were speculations about her from the very first date with alden, and she's not used to it! She's not used to being in the spotlight!

Della: (surprised) I'm... I'm in the news?

Alden: Oh... Yes, that happens.

Della: ... But I only just started dating you- is- is that even public yet?

Alden: No, but we did go out yesterday...

Della: ... but I'm not a Vacker... I can't... (trails off)

Alden: ...

Della goes for a walk in Atlantis and feels everyone watching her, and she can't take it, she feels like she's crumbling under the pressure (even though not that many people were actually looking or saying or thinking anything bad, but she saw a few people glance her way, someone pointed at her and whispered) and she breaks down, tears start to well up, and she tries to get somewhere to be alone, but it's Atlantis, she can't just leap away, she has to go back the way she came, and she's crying and she can't breathe and people are really staring now and really talking about her and someone tries to come help but she doesn't think that's what they're there to do, she runs away, she's running through crowded streets until she finally makes it out, and once her bubble thing lets her go she sits on the ground and sobs.

And of course people saw this whole thing, and they were talking about her all over again, but this time it wasn't just speculation about her relationship with Alden, this time it was people saying she wasn't fit to be a Vacker, that she was unstable and unpredictable and mentally ill for... crying? Well then, she can't let anyone see her cry ever again.

And at some points she wishes Alden would leave her or break up with her or something but after the stories and stuff about her were published he just hailed her and asked if she was okay. And this was before she'd read them. He seemed to care about her, and Della just thinks she's bringing shame on him, but he assures her that she isn't, and it's okay, and that it will blow over and that there's no reason to worry.

She becomes very familiar with that phrase, and learns to take it to heart. She's okay. He's okay. Everything is okay. even when she feels like dying, even when she realizes she hasn't eaten in three days and almost passes out in public and she feels terrified whenever she goes out with him and everything feels like too much and goddamnit why won't he leave her what does he still see in her why couldn't she have just enjoyed her after-foxfire years normally why why why???

But then as Alden cares for her and he doesn't leave her and he smiles for real, his smile is so unlike all the pictures she's seen, it's so soft and small and hesitant and his eyes look so gentle and happy and oh prime sources, after three years she's really falling for him and oh no this is awful, she feels so conflicted. She wanted him to leave her but now she doesn't want to leave him.

After four years they finally share their first kiss, and it's... real.

It's by no means a long kiss, but it feels like forever, time slows as thoughts race through Della’s mind and she thinks oh no. And then they pull apart, and she's tearing up, and mentally beating herself up for it, which only makes her need to cry more, and she can't breathe but Alden doesn't seem to get it, he's confused, he looks hurt, he asks whats wrong, so she chokes it down and tells him she's okay, just... really happy. I get emotional, she says with a forced laugh.

And she accepts her fate.

She’s trapped.

Unless Alden ever has a sudden change of heart, she can't go anywhere.

Della was raised religious, but it wasn't nearly as strict as the Vackers. That's another thing she has to get used to - she has to carefully learn every ritual, all the history she might need to know, she doesn't want them to think she's not good enough. She has to fit into this family, and if she's a square in a circle hole, then she'll just have to cut off her own corners to fit.

She didn't really expect it to go this long - she had three boyfriends when she was in Foxfire, but they all went by super fast, obviously. And they were never serious. But Alden was serious. Her parents wanted her to be serious. the Vackers were serious.

Alden and Della obviously took things very very slowly, mostly due to the age gap and how uncomfortable they used to be around each other. They'd kissed twice after five years of dating, and it still feels so... new. They're careful in public, Della isn't herself anymore. She used to be so much happier. Now she's an empty shell, and sometimes life doesn't feel worth living.... but she's okay, she's okay, she's okay. There’s no reason to worry. Everything is perfect! She learns how to force a smile when people begin speculating about her mental health again... and she's not eating. She doesn't feel perfect enough. She hates her body, her face, her hair, she hates how ugly she feels standing next to Alden, her boyfriend, though that word feels wrong on her tongue. Even after a decade, she still messes up, says the wrong things and gets weird looks and she feels like the world could swallow her up, she could get murdered and it would be her fault.

Alden of course notices this, because, duh, he's not blind, but he doesn't know what to do. He waits for a few months, trying to let it pass because he's not good with words and... maybe if he pretends she's okay, she'll be okay. he just has to believe it and treat her as he has been - he does care, he just doesn't know what to do. He's trying to believe, but it's getting so hard to pretend because oh god she just collapsed in the middle of the room and she's not waking up and he's not very strong but he can pick her up easily and take her to the couch and he sits by her as he waits for a physician and he's trying so hard not to cry, but maybe she's worth crying over, he's so scared for her. Pretending everything was okay wasn't what she needed at all. He should have done something.

Della obviously ends up fine, but she doesn't talk to Alden about it. He apologizes and asks if she's okay, and she assures him he is, she says sorry, she promises to do better.

And she’s okay.

She takes a deep breath and forces herself to eat.

To prove she’s okay.

She even hides the scale from herself for a few months. She's okay.

Well, now that she knows her limits she can be even better than before.

Time flies by, and Alden and Della are closer than ever. They're not as close as the average couple that has been dating for a year, even though they've been together for ten, twenty, thirty. They love and care about each other, but there's.... something. Della gets better! She makes friends with some of Alden's friends, Grady and Edaline. They're also much older than her, but she's older now, too, so age shouldn't matter like it did when she was nineteen. Still, she feels the need to be polite in the same way she is to Alden's family. Despite that, it's... nice to be around them. To have conversations with Edaline while Alden is out, to have friends! She hasn't had those since the world started to judge her! Nobody wanted to be caught up in that kind of drama. She meets Edaline's sister, and they get along even better! Until she runs into her in the street and they talk for a while, and then the next day there's a picture of them in the news! Juline is a bad match, how could Della forget how could she mess up so badly how could she be so selfish to want anything for herself, how could she have slipped up like that!!!

She apologizes to Alden as soon as she sees him, then stops talking to Juline. Edaline has seen the article, and while this kind of thing doesn't matter to her, she understands why it would matter to Della. She's observant. She can tell that Della isn't okay. She and Juline talk, and they agree to let her go without asking questions. She clearly doesn't need more stress. Della is anxious to talk to Grady and Edaline for a bit after that, but when she does, they don't even bring up her suddenly cutting Juline off. Della wonders if she should bring it up, but she doesn't want to start trouble. So she pretends everything is fine and resists the urge to ask Eda how her sister is doing.

This would be the time where Della would start visiting the Forbidden Cities and learning how to defend herself - going to the human world is freeing, but it comes with its risks. She's cautious not to get caught, and she's careful not to get hurt while she's there. In the Forbidden Cities, nobody knows her. She learns both how to hold her Vanishing for a long time, but also how to resist the light passing through her with each step she takes. Humans definitely don't blink in and out of sight as they walk. She learns a human language (in my headcanon it's Spanish, which she later teaches to her kids, while Alden teaches them English). She’s interested in human culture.

Luzia gifts Everglen to Alden, and he has it rebuilt, because the pressure to make things permanent with Della is starting to grow - he's been in relationships before, and they've all gone by so fast compared to this one. He feels differently about Della, he's actually gotten to know her, he thinks he's seen her at her worst. Della hears the whispers about marriage and gets terrified. She could really be Radelle Vacker. It's not the name she tried on at thirteen, fantasizing about marrying into the family, just for fun. It's an actual possibility.

Della had been living in an apartment since her twenties, she never felt like she could handle getting attached to a house the way most elves do. Besides, she liked the limited space - there was less to do with it, less options, but so many ways to decorate and make it hers. Unlike everything else in her life. Just because she appreciates beauty and fancy things, well, it doesn't have to be big to be beautiful. That was her place of peace. But then... Alden suggested she move into Everglen with him, after it gets rebuilt. And how could she say no? She can't. She hasn't said no to Alden once in all these decades. Not like he was too sure of what to do, either. Their relationship was the best pace it could have been for the two of them. And so Della moves into Everglen, and... gives up her apartment. And Everglen is big. It makes her feel small and anxious. But she'll get used to it. One time she had to cross the house to get a cup of water in the middle of the night - it was so eerie. She kept a cup by her bed from then on.

Another thing she gave up was her trips to the Forbidden Cities. She still wanted to go, and definitely could have, but she just stopped being able to find the time to visit as frequently, and eventually stopped going altogether.

Now that they were living together, of course, people found out and started saying things and making more assumptions about Alden and Della's relationship, things that Della did not even feel nearly ready for - and they're not even married! They don't even share a room, let alone a bed! She feels kind of gross when she thinks about it for too long. but she's okay. She's getting good at this.

Until, to "celebrate" or whatever, Alden's parents suggest a family gathering at Everglen. Of course, Della is there. She already felt uncomfortable around Alden's parents, so she didn't expect it to go that well, but she wasn't expecting the sheer number of fancy intimidating and perfect Vackers that were there - she felt like scum next to them. And with the way some of them looked at her, she might as well have been. She made herself eat so they wouldn't go making assumptions about her health or mental well being, but after dinner, she excused herself and threw it all up in the bathroom. It wasn't even on purpose, she just felt that nauseous. She couldn't stay away for too long, though, because this was Alden's house, and being Alden's girlfriend, she'd surely be missed. So she gathers herself and returns for dessert, which she isn't able to stomach much of. She didn't notice until that night, but Alden seems so... stiff. And unnatural. Around the rest of his family. He's smiling, but that's not his smile. Della knows his smile! And she starts to wonder if Alden ever feels like she does. Despite how much he truly seems to belong here. Unlike she does.... she's not good enough.

And then Alden stands up and says he'd like to announce something, and he talks for a bit, then he mentions Della and she's forced to focus and listen and she doesn't even remember what he said, just that he wasn't looking at her, he was looking at his parents, while talking about her, and then he reached into his cape and turned around and kneeled down and

“Della, will you marry me?”

And she freezes up and everything stops and her heart pounds in her ears and she feels like she might throw up again and then she chokes up and looks Alden in the eyes and the tears come before she can stop them, but she doesn't stop them because.... people cry at proposals all the time. It's normal. It's... an emotional moment. That's why she's crying. She's just. so. happy.

So she covers her mouth with her hands and says what she knows she has to say.

“Yes.”

Except it's muffled and squeaky and choked so she nods to get her point across, she slowly stands up and steps towards Alden, and something in his eyes changes as he wraps his arms around her. Understanding, maybe? He's just as trapped as she is, isn’t he?

She cries into his chest, but they're definitely not happy tears. She can force a smile and pretend they are, but that doesn't make it any better. For a moment all she hears is herself sobbing and Alden's heartbeat, pounding much too hard for someone who could be truly at peace. Then the applause starts, and she cries harder, making herself feel even sicker. But this is the first time she's let tears fall in - no, has it really been a year? Has it been more? Less? She doesn't know. But it's been a while. And it's all coming out at once and the rush of hands clapping is taking over but she has to breathe. breathe. breathe. Alden rubs her back, and she focuses on that, she focuses on his smell.

And she breathes.

In, out.

She’s okay.

She’s crying, but she’s happy, right?

How could she be anything but happy?

She’s… engaged.

To Alden Vacker.

So many people would give anything for this. People would crash weddings for a chance at marrying Alden Vacker. The world envies her. She even loves Alden! And she knows she does!

So why isn’t she happy???

Where’s the feeling she’s been missing for so long?

She stands by the door as the Vackers leave, squeezing Alden's hand as she nods and smiles at each of the Vackers leaving. She's never even seen most of them. She recognizes Alden's parents, and of course Luzia Vacker, Fallon Vacker, Orem Vacker, and a few others she's read about in elvin history. She really is a part of them now.

But she doesn’t feel good enough.

Her smile falls as soon as the last ones leave, and Alden isn't looking at her, and they need to talk about what to do, they need to talk about what happened, they need to celebrate, they need to...

Alden speaks up first.

And he says,

“I’m sorry.”

And he walks away.

Della stares after him, feeling the light pass through her. She doesn't know how to feel. Alden just apologized... for proposing to her? She should feel hurt, but... she gets it. She's sorry, too.

She goes back over to the table to clean up all the plates left there, with the intent of getting her mind off of things, but... it's a giant table. It's overwhelming. She sits down and takes a half empty glass of wine that isn't even hers. She takes a deep breath and releases it in a long, slow, sigh.

She doesn't even finish the glass, but she feels sick like she's had five or ten. Or, she feels like what she thinks it'd be like? She's never actually gotten drunk, but she knows it can make you throw up. In any case, she knows she will not be getting drunk tonight. She needs to keep it together. She's okay.

The next morning, they act like they normally do, but they both know of the unspoken tension, the hurt and guilt and shame because of that disaster of a proposal that neither of them wanted to do yet. Especially not like that, in front of the Vackers. Della used to fantasize about her dream proposal - it would have been somewhere beautiful, maybe under the stars, remote and quiet. Certainly not in a well-lit room with every Vacker looking at her. She imagined tears, but she also imagined being happy. She imagined looking into her lover's eyes and smiling softly, and kissing them. Not whatever happened last night.

But who is she to complain...

For a week, they try to pretend everything is like it was, like it has been... But then they both realize that it will never go back. They can’t go back. So they start planning the wedding. And we all know how that went.

If you look closely in pictures taken when Alina was trying to get Alden to run away with her, you might see a glimmer of hope and desperation in Della's eyes, mixed with the shock and anxiety that was there already. For a moment Alden looked like he was about to leave and go with her - but then he snapped out of it. He was being beguiled.

Of course, it could have just been the angle of the picture that painted that look on Della's face.

The Vackers are all freaking out after the wedding, but most pin the blame on Alina alone, and most are pleased with the end result of it - and they almost seem genuine when they smile at Della now. For once she's done something right? Do they think she handled it well?

And honestly? Della is much happier in the week following the wedding - it's their "honeymoon period," in which they mostly just stay in Everglen where it's quiet and the world can't get to them. They invite Grady and Edaline over for tea, but that's the extent of their social interaction. For a short while. Then they're expected to go back to normal. They have to go out to work, they have to talk to people, and of course endure the speculation on what other things they could have been doing during that time.

Now Alden and Della aren't great at communication but at this point with all the rumors and expectations to continue the Vacker family line, they do have to talk about it at some point. They just.... might procrastinate a bit.

Until finally, Della is the one to bring it up.

She asks if he wants kids and he blinks, then says he doesn't know. He asks if she does, because if she does, he'll go along with it, of course. But she says she doesn't know either. They sit there at the table for a few minutes, neither looking at the other. They're not used to talking or making decisions together. Most of their decisions had been made for them until now.

So they wait a bit longer, until the pressure from their families and society becomes too much and they agree that they do want kids, even though they're still not sure. Except they've never even slept in the same bed... so they start there. And it's nice, actually. They no longer feel awkward just being around each other, and sometimes they cuddle, without saying anything. They'll lay down, and by morning Della is curled up in his arms and they're sharing a blanket. It's nice.

But they know they have to take it a step further eventually... and there's a big difference between cuddling fully clothed and... having a child. The last time Della had ever done anything remotely sexual was when she was a teenager, and Alden has even less experience. They don't even feel comfortable changing with the other there. They don't know how they're going to do this.

Okay, so they think, "well, Grady and Edaline have a kid, maybe we should talk to them.” And so they do! Which is like, really big for them, opening up and communicating and talking about their relationship with someone else - it's big. And scary. But... they're in the same boat. They're in this together. And soon, almost a year after they said they would... They have a child.

Both of them are really scared, because they didn't exactly have the best relationship with their own parents or the best childhood, and when Della finds out she's pregnant, she tells Alden immediately, and... he cries. He tries to pretend he's just happy, but Della has pulled that trick too many times for it to work on her. She sits by him, takes his hand, closes her eyes, and quietly admits that she's terrified. She tells him her fears about not being a good parent, and Alden is nodding along. He feels the same. He takes her hand, kisses her forehead, and promises that they'll do this together. But they have to talk about things, just like they're talking now. Della touches his cheek, wiping off a tear, and says, "I like it when we talk like this. It feels good." she leans on him, and he holds her.

And Della learns to take better care of herself, because it's not just her. She's actually eating every day, especially since Elwin noticed that she was a bit underweight when he first checked her. She grows more and more anxious the more time passes, and is constantly hailing Edaline to ask if x thing is normal for pregnancy. Edaline helps calm her by telling her baby stories about Jolie. She even gives her some of Jolie's old baby things, and Della is very grateful. Alden is just as stressed, and spends lots of time taking care of Della and figuring out what to prepare. When it was too early in the pregnancy to really start setting up a room yet, he tried to baby proof the entirety of Everglen, which is obviously impossible with all the wide staircases and tile floors and fancy crystal and sharp corners. But he tried. He settled for baby proofing the part of the house where Alvar's room was going to be, right by Alden and Della's room, then adding a baby gate in the hallway. This was not his idea, he was still trying to do the whole house when Edaline had to stop him.

Grady and Edaline bring Jolie over a lot and she tells them all about all the stuff that used to be hers, and when they knew Alvar's gender they let her help choose names. Being a brutally honest child (I think like 9 or 10, correct me if I'm wrong) she made a face at one of the names Alden suggested.

Of course, preparing for Alvar wasn't the only thing stressing Della out. They tried to keep it on the down low for a while, but of course the world found out about Della being pregnant. And there were so many predictions and speculation and people were even bringing up her "mental health struggles" (not that she doesn't have those, but they literally just saw her crying in public once) and wondering how she could be a good parent and how her child would turn out as an adult. Edaline saw how this was getting to her and told her to stop reading them so she wasn't as stressed, and finally convinced her by saying it'd be better for the baby if she could like. chill out a bit.

And then Alvar is born, and everyone cries, and yes, Della is stressed and anxious and scared but they are happy tears! She can't help but smile as she looks at Alvar, so small and fragile and she wants to shield him from the harsh reality of the world. Alden seems almost scared to hold him, like he's afraid he'll break him if he messes up or does something wrong. He sits down by Della so she can help him make sure he does it right. Grady, Edaline, and Elwin are there to help if needed. Jolie is at Brant's house (I believe they’ve met by now). Della closes her eyes and breathes, and the moment is so... perfect. really, truly, perfect.

For a long time, things are great! they really couldn't be better... Alden and Della aren't perfect at parenting, but they're doing their best. They're managing a balance between their work and family fairly well. Like I said, they're not perfect. They do mess up. A lot. And they're super hard on themselves. But... they're trying. Alvar is growing up fairly happy, and when Jolie is old enough, she (and sometimes Brant) babysit him sometimes. Alden and Della are closer than ever with Grady and Eda, and Jolie, too. For the Vackers, the Ruewens are the first example of a healthy family that they've gotten to see.

Now, they say all good things must come to an end.

Della is the happiest she’s been. Ever.

And then Jolie dies.

Everything fell apart then. the Ruewens were like family to Della and Alden, and Jolie was almost like a daughter or niece to them. And for Alvar? She had been a part of his life before he was even born. His special stuffie belonged to her, and he couldn't even fully grasp the concept of death yet. He kept asking where Jolie was, and Della couldn't explain it to him. Alden couldn't either, he'd never been good with words. Della had to keep telling him that she went away and she's not coming back, trying to explain death while still reeling from the shock of the news herself. At one point she got up and locked herself in the bathroom for a while, away from Alvar's questions and away from everything. Alden spent most of his days in his office, working. Della, on the other hand, had to take a break from work for a while. She knew the moment she left Everglen, she would be judged for grieving, grieving wrong, not grieving enough - whatever she did, it would be wrong. And it wasn't even her child who died. She wanted to comfort or help Edaline and Grady somehow, but she couldn't. She couldn't even get out of bed for a while. Alden didn’t really know this, because he'd been sleeping in his office.

All of this really affects Alvar's little child brain, but we can talk about his trauma another time. The planting happens, and the Vackers are right at the front. Alvar has finally gone quiet, and he seems to realize that she's really not coming back. He tries to go over to Brant after the proceedings, but he's kinda... unstable. Alden tells him it's time to go, so Alvar gives Brant a hug and goes back to his parents.

Even though they got that bit of closure, they're still broken. There's a wound that cannot be healed. A hole that cannot be filled. Della's mental health plummets, and for a bit, there is nobody taking care of Alvar. He plays alone in his room until he gets bored and goes to his parents room, where Della is usually curled up in bed, thinking too much and not thinking at the same time. Alden comes in one night and lays down next to her, reaching out his hand like they did when they were still figuring out how to be comfortable together. Della places her hand on top of his, and they sit there for a long time. Alvar comes in and crawls between them, placing his tiny hand on top of Della's. The three of them fall asleep there.

Slowly, they recover. In a year they're seemingly okay again. But nothing is the same. Della and Alden are more distant from both each other and Alvar. And the wound never healed, only scarred over.

And whether that feeling of something missing affected their decision to have another child is up to speculation, but they did have another child. Part of it was also because Della felt like she had failed Alvar, that she had let him down when Jolie died, and she didn't know how to talk to him or fix things. He wasn't doing bad in Foxfire, he was actually doing better than Della had. But Alden didn't seem to think it was good enough. Or rather, his parents didn't. Alden didn't really seem all that bothered by anything Alvar was doing. He had a habit of getting too wrapped up in work, especially after Jolie died. But Alden's parents sometimes hailed him or came over, mostly to tell him how disappointed they were in how he was raising Alvar. And Della heard them blaming her, a few times. But she didn't know how to fix it. And he was still a level one - surely he had time to turn out okay?

They end up having Fitzroy Alden Fallon Avery Vacker, whose initials they did not think through (Jolie would have thought about it). But this time they feel like they're having this child alone. sure, it's their second one, but there's still no one to just... be with them. Help them. Della is still anxious, but she has no one to stop her from looking at the news, no baby stories to look back on except Alvar's, though even his have turned sad. Jolie was there for so many of them...

Over time, they become a lot stricter with Alvar. And as Fitz (and Biana) grow older, both Alden and Della begin trying to force them into perfection. Alvar is so different and so unwilling to fit into what their family is supposed to be that Alden and Della have all but given up on him. And for Alvar, well it obviously doesn't feel great to be given up on, which really only makes him further apart from the others. He feels out of place everywhere. At home he isn't perfect enough, he has too much of an attitude, he's placed last in priority. At school, he's a Vacker. He can't escape it. It's who he is.

Prentice's mind break (if I'm mathing correctly) happened while Della was pregnant with Biana. And Alden was never really the same after it. He'd never been very talkative, but he became more distant than ever. He barely left his office, kept forgetting to eat or drink water or sleep. He got better over time, but he still smiles much less than he used to.

When Biana is born, the public doesn't really know how to feel about her. Two children is fine, but three? Isn't that pushing it a bit? So Biana grows up with people asking everything of her, but half expecting nothing. She was so scared she wasn't even going to manifest (which is a bit unrealistic but with the way things were exaggerated, she thought being talentless was very likely. Della was also very afraid of this possibility).

The happiest years for anyone in this family were from when Alvar was born to when Jolie died. Things don't seem like they'll ever be better.

Alden is forcing Fitz and Biana to be perfect to protect the family legacy. Della is forcing them to be perfect to protect them. She knows how cruel the world can be. But her “protection” doesn't come across in the best way. At home, she subtly brings attention to all their little flaws, and when they go out, she makes sure they hide them all. When they cry, she gently tells them not to, that it's okay, that they're okay, everything is okay.

After Alden recovered from the mind break, he suddenly started talking to Alvar (who was struggling a lot with Neverseen stuff and depression and an eating disorder at the time) more. And he wouldn't let Della know what they were talking about. Della stopped trusting Alden. Not that she ever truly had, but this was different.

And Alden and Della grew further apart. Nobody would know, of course, since when they're out in public or when others are around, they act as in love as ever. But sometimes they go all day without talking to each other. Della spends time with Fitz and Biana, takes them places, teaches them how to survive in this family. She teaches them how to be the best version of themselves. They are 3 and 5. Alvar is at school most of the day, and out doing... whatever until nearly sunset. Della could ask, but Alden seems like he has it covered, so it doesn't really matter. She knows she's starting to be apathetic again, and she doesn't want to be, especially when it comes to her kids, but it's so hard not to.

But then Alvar enters the elite levels, and Alden starts spending more time with Fitz. He keeps him in his office all day, but then Della goes in once and Alden is alone. Where is Fitz? She asks him, and he informs her that he's at a friend's house. Where did Fitz get friends? She should be happy for him, but something about all of this feels so wrong. But she doesn't press further. If she shows that she doesn't trust Alden, will people use that against her too? So she doesn't even question it, and instead works on becoming closer with Biana, so Alden can't take her away, too. Maybe she's being overdramatic about it, but that wrong feeling hasn't gone away. Maybe it's just anxiety. Maybe she's fine. No, she is fine. It's not a maybe. She's okay. Their family is okay.

This also creates a divide between Fitz and Biana, who used to be close as little kids. But now Fitz is disappearing every day, and Della is keeping Biana away from him and Alden, and Alvar never comes home, except briefly during breaks and weekends, but then he goes to stay stars know where. Fitz and Biana have vastly different personalities. Biana has learned to be confident and defensive, while Fitz... well, he doesn't know how to act around people. He's learned to depend only on Alden, because nobody else trusts him and he can't trust anyone else. The golden years of this corner of the family are far behind them, and now all they have is perfectionism, distrust, and a facade.

Della thinks that by bringing attention to all Fitz and Biana’s little flaws and imperfections, by pointing them out in subtle ways, she thinks that will give them a chance to "fix" them before the world notices and attacks them for it. She tells herself she wishes someone had done this to her before she had to learn for herself to be perfect.

Fitz started going to foxfire, and Della can tell he's not really okay. Did they ever get him enrolled in tutor sessions? Maybe that's where he's been going off to? She hasn't been paying enough attention. They used to have dinner together as a family every night, but then Alden got busy, Fitz started bringing his food up to his room when he started school and became swamped with way more homework than what can be good and normal for an eleven year old. So Della usually ended up sitting at the table with Biana after making some food. She figures this is a good meal to skip. Two meals a day is more than enough.

Suddenly, everything changes. Suddenly, Sophie is there, and Fitz seems so much less tired. He seems less stressed. He joins Biana and Della for dinner, and sometimes even Alden sits and eats with them as well. Things are far from perfect, but Alden is smiling genuinely again. Only sometimes, but it's there. Della decides she likes this change. But she also realizes something...

Fitz was always either away or sick, Sophie was in the forbidden cities, where there are lots of human illnesses (she knows from experience). Alden never told her why he had Fitz get up so early to talk to him alone, Alden never talks to her anymore, goddamnit- what was Fitz doing? Alden couldn't have found Sophie. He couldn't have, she knows for a fact he never leaves! He was meeting with the council right before Sophie arrived with Fitz, in her strange human clothes, and Fitz was wearing human clothes and prime sources, she's thinking about this too much and she can't breathe - this has been going on for so long?? How could she not have seen?

No, she needs to stay calm. She... needs to talk to Alden about this. He's been busy today, but she takes two plates of food to his office in the evening, gently opens the door, and sits by him. Alden clearly thinks this is unusual, but she can't tell if it's in a positive or negative way. But that's not important. They need to talk. After a few bites of food, she prepares the question. Were you sending Fitz to the Forbidden Cities? she prepares it in her mind, has it on the tip of her tongue, she opens her mouth to speak, but what comes out instead is...

“How was your day?”

Alden blinks, like that's not what he was expecting. It's not what Della was expecting either. But she's not ready to confront his lies, she's not ready to face the reality of the danger Fitz was in for quite possibly eight years? And that's how Alden and Della end up sitting in Alden's office for hours, having the longest, most normal conversation they've had in years. They sit together and watch the sun set. Della leans on him. She missed having someone to hold her. Alden missed the feeling of being loved.

Alden and Della sort of work on mending their relationship after this, but they don't really talk about Fitz and what Alden had him do. Della never feels ready to bring it up, and eventually she puts the whole thing out of her mind. After all, Fitz is fine, it's like it never happened. But it did happen, and she doesn't notice the ways this affected Fitz because she's too busy pretending everything is fine and forcing him to do the same! Sometimes it's less pretending and more just. lying to herself. Trying to trick herself into believing. One of the ways she's done this for herself these past decades is telling herself that other people have it worse. If someone is suffering more than her, her pain doesn't matter. going to the Forbidden Cities kind of ingrained this in her brain more, as she saw people who were literally starving to death on the street, and here she was, living in this fancy mansion with a good husband - after all, he's not abusive or anything, and she really loves him. Things are just… weird, sometimes. And she sort of ends up passing this mentality down to Biana and Fitz? There's a time in Flashback where Fitz says it's only fair that all this is happening - because everyone else in the friend group had a really hard time at least at one point in their life, and usually over a long time - he's fine! He's had it good. How could he complain?

Alden went to Exile with Sophie in book 2, but nobody knew about it. Well, nobody was supposed to know, until Sophie transmitted to Fitz and got him all freaked out. All Della really knows is that he got hurt on a mission from the Council, and he really didn’t seem to want to talk about it. When she tried to ask, he used the “no reason to worry” phrase three different times in that conversation. He was clearly stressed and upset about something, but he convinced her to drop it. He ended up falling asleep in his office that night, but that happens sometimes. Everything was looking bright for everyone else, until the Opening Ceremonies. You all know what happened there, so i’m not gonna go into it, but when Alden’s mind broke, Della was devastated. As far as everyone knew, he wasn’t coming back. He was dead, they had a planting for him. She didn’t eat for days. Alvar was basically taking care of the whole family, because Alden was gone and Della spent most of her time by Alden’s side, trying to bring him back. Alvar tried to convince her to leave every day, until one day he snapped and yelled at her, he’s gone and he’s not coming back, stop hoping. It was the same kind of thing she had told him when they lost Jolie.

But unlike Jolie, Alden did come back, and the Vackers tried to erase the phase of their life where he was gone. They wanted to pretend that Keefe was right, that everything had gone back to perfection in Vacker Land. But this kind of thing leaves a lasting effect. They were afraid to even talk about what had happened with Alden, for fear that he’d break from the guilt of being gone and affecting them like that. Della still visits his Wanderling sometimes, not to mourn, but... for some other reason. There’s something surreal about looking at the tree, knowing full well Alden is okay at home.

Another quick thing I want to touch on is in book 3 when Alden and Fitz went to help with Fintan’s mind healing. Della and Biana spent the afternoon and evening together, trying to do fun things to take their mind off of things. But then they heard about the fire and saw pictures before Alden and Fitz had even come home, and they understandably freaked out. The fire had consumed half of Eternalia, how could they have gotten out? How could they be okay? But they were, and both Vackers were strangled with hugs as soon as they got back.

Della went with Fitz and Biana to join the Black Swan, partially because she wanted to, partially because she felt she should keep an eye on them and keep them at least semi in line, and partially because she wanted to escape the world and their pressing stares. And Everglen, a little bit. Juline was there, of course, but Della didn’t really know it was her.

When Squall wasn't busy and didn't need to rush home, Della actually ended up talking to her a bit. Della was a little more honest (key word a little) with her because she obviously wasn't like the general public - she's a Black Swan member. At one point Squall actually thinks Della is about to call her out on being Juline when Della tells her she reminds her of someone she used to know, and hey, she's a Froster, too! But Della seems genuinely unaware as she sort of explains what happened with this old friend of hers - she's a bad match, and Della was seen talking with her... and she felt like she had no choice but to cut her off. Squall listens, but only half processes it because she's waiting for the "you're Juline aren't you?" But it never comes.

After Alvar’s betrayal, Della knew a lot of people blamed her for how he ended up. After all, how could Alden Vacker have gone wrong? It was clearly Della’s influence that caused this. And she blames herself, too. She gave up on him. She didn’t talk to him enough. This whole thing also made the distrust in the Vacker family a lot worse - either Fitz or Biana said in Lodestar that it was like their parents wanted to know everything they’re doing, every place they go. They didn’t trust them. Fitz and Biana were growing closer after everything that had happened the past few years, but Della and Alden didn’t trust them, didn’t trust each other. This led to a lot of arguments between them and the kids, maybe not screaming matches, but raised voices and slammed fists and fighting back tears. When Keefe joined the Neverseen, Fitz shut himself in his room until school started again. He got quieter, and started to feel like he couldn’t trust anyone, even his sister, who he’d been taught to keep secrets from at a very young age. Della wanted to fix this somehow, she didn’t want to lose them like she’d lost Alvar - She wouldn’t give up on them. But she ended up just becoming overbearing and seemingly nosy. She thought she was helping.

If I remember correctly, the others got told that Squall is Juline in Lodestar when they came to pick up their kids from Rimeshire. Juline gathers everyone and says she has to tell them something, and when she reveals it, Della's smile drops faster than it ever has and she feels blood drain from her face. Juline never looks directly at her, and Della is panicking, thinking about how Juline must hate her. She wonders if she should try to push her away more, but... at this point what does it matter? Fitz and Biana already spend lots of time with Dex, and they just slept over at the Dizznees- she joined an illegal organization with them for stars’ sake! So... it's fine. It's okay for her to be here, at rimeshire, talking to Juline. The world is changing, and people have bigger things to talk about than Alden Vacker’s wife sharing a conversation with Juline Dizznee. As they leave Rimeshire, Juline meets her eyes and offers a small smile. Della nods in return.

When Alvar had his memories wiped and returned to Everglen, Della was determined to help him. She had this second chance, she wasn’t going to ruin it. She wanted to really believe he’d changed. But then Alvar got his memories back, and in front of the whole world at the celestial festival, he told everyone how his parents had given up on him. Della and Alden were watching that entire thing, as the world watched them, and Della couldn’t breathe. She watched Fitz threaten to kill Alvar, and for a few horrifying moments she thought she was about to lose both of them. And it was her fault, wasn’t it? That’s what everyone said. They blamed her. Alvar blamed her. She wouldn’t be surprised if Fitz and Biana blamed her, too.

Ever since what the world has canonically deemed the “Scandal at Everglen,” things in the Vacker family have not gotten better. Alden had been talking to Fitz about matchmaking for a while, encouraging him to pursue Sophie as a romantic interest. Eventually they do get together. Della tries to be happy for him, but she still sees this and thinks, maybe give them time. If she could go back, she would have wanted to enjoy her life before committing to the Match forever. She’s almost relieved when Sophie and Fitz don’t work out. She thinks it’ll be better for Fitz in the end. She knows he’s been isolating himself from his family, from the world after the Scandal at Everglen, which is understandable. They all seem to think he’s crazy. He’s seventeen, and he almost killed his own brother, right there. But Della was watching, too, and she saw that it was Gethen doing the manipulating. Using the right words, would they make Fitz turn out like Alvar? The thought still chills her to this day.

I don’t really have a good way to wrap it up other than I don’t think anything good will be happening to the Vackers anytime soon (except Biana, she seems to be doing relatively good compared to the rest). But yeah those are my Della thoughts :)

Lastly, art tags:

@cutebisexualmess @void-kill @lemon-girl-in-devil-town @keefe--sencen @tastetherainbow290

@myfairkatiecat @awful-amateur @aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen @necromycologist @cosmxc-ars3hol3

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rafyki · 2 days

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[Valgrace fanfic]

First Valgrace fanfic!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Inspired by @neo-kid-funk's beautiful art and by our constant talking about angsty Leo finding comfort in Jason's arms :')

So, here it is!! Hope you like it~

You can also read it on AO3!

~~~~

If you asked anyone, they would probably say that Leo is loud and talkative, sometimes too silly and unserious, and most of the times a little annoying too.

Anyone else might get offended by something like this, but truth be told, Leo is fine with it - more than fine, actually, he likes it. He has worked hard to craft such an image for himself, after all, to make so that the people around him would see him like the funny friend who always makes jokes even in the most dire situations, the one friend who you could always count on to make you laugh.

It feels safe, being perceived like this. An easy way to hide.

Leo has learned during the year, that if you are annoying enough almost no one would bother to check if your smile is an honest one or not; almost no one would care enough to dig and find out what is hidden under it.

It hurt at first.

Leo has smiled and laughed and made jokes while screaming inside fake, fake, fake, how can you not see it's all fake! ; holding his tears until he was alone, letting it all out only in the safety of an empty room.

It has gotten easier, with time, so much that sometimes he isn’t sure himself how much of his smile is true or fake, how much of his personality is honest and how much is just his carefully crafted mask.

Maybe he is too good at building things, and that is why no one has been able to see the cracks all over his bubbly and annoying armor.

It’s easier, thinking like this rather than thinking that perhaps, simply no one cares enough to take a closer look.

And so he smiles, he cracks jokes, and he laughs.

And no one notices when his smile turns forced, or when the light in his eyes dims and his stare gets lost far away for a long moment.

Leo is good at pretending, and so no one notices.

He wonders now if, perhaps, he has been so busy building his armor and thinking that no one would ever bother to see past it that he himself failed to look around and check if, after all, at some point, someone arrived that has been watching more closely than he believed.

It feels weird, raising his eyes after a moment of weakness and meeting Jason's concerned ones.

“Leo, are you okay?”

The first time it happens, it takes Leo a long moment to really register Jason's words. They sound foreign, like they shouldn't be directed at him.

“Huh, yeah, man, sure I'm okay!”

Smile, fake, pretend. He could feel something cracking underneath. And, judging by the look in Jason's eyes, perhaps he heard that too.

Jason notices. Jason looks more closely. Jason cares enough to do so.

It is subtle, at first. Subtle to anyone else's eyes, at least, but it still feels huge to Leo.

It is a simple ‘are you alright?’ when Leo gets too lost in his own head, a concerned look thrown his way when no one else seems to notice that there is something wrong with him, a shoulder bumping into his in support.

It is little, but it is there.

It is there when Leo doesn’t know he needs it, in those moments he is so used to hiding alone somewhere and just dealing with whatever it is that was pulling him down - Jason is there and, honestly, Leo doesn’t know what to do with that realization.

Sometimes Leo needs to hide, sometimes he can’t bring himself to crack a joke and force a smile and keep the facade up, and the only thing he can do is hide.

“Are you okay?”, Jason asks, because of course he does, he always does.

Leo nods, wears his signature smile and waves a hand to dismiss the question.

“Sure am”, he says. “I just need to go to the engine room and check some things - Festus doesn't sound too good right now”.

That's his best excuse when they're on the Argo II; no one can say anything to that, because no one understands, and it's his work to check that everything is perfect with the ship. So they don't bother him, they let him go. Easily, always so easily dismissed.

“Do you want some company?”

Leo feels a little unstable on his feet. This isn't how it's supposed to go - Jason should wave him goodbye and let him go, and then Leo could hide in his safe space and just let the mask fall for a little while.

He really doesn't have the strength to keep it up right now, it's starting to feel a little too heavy.

“Huh, you'll get bored, man”, he replies. “I'm not really all that entertaining while I work”.

Jason shrugs.

“I'm just going to keep you company, you can do your work as you always do”.

It's hard, being on the Argo. For the obvious reasons (quest to save the world, constant monsters attacks), and also for the ‘only related to Leo' issues; it's hard not to feel alone, it's hard not to feel like you could easily be replaced, like no one would even notice you're gone if you threw yourself overboard. It feels unfair, thinking of his friends like that, but the knowledge doesn't make it easier to keep the thoughts away.

It's never been easy to feel like he really belongs. He's not sure anymore he knows what it means, and he's not sure if he'll ever find out.

Jason is looking at him, and Leo wonders how many of the cracks in his armor he can see.

Leo doesn't want company.

Leo desperately needs company.

He's so used to being alone in moments like this he's not sure what he wants anymore.

But Jason is there.

And Leo nods.

Jason isn't the first one to ask, of course. But he is the first one who doesn't seem to believe Leo when he nods and replies that yeah, of course he's okay why wouldn't he be; he's the first one who seem to realize that the smile carefully plastered on Leo's lips is as fake as the belief that the Greek gods have never existed. He's the first one to take a second, closer look, and he's the first one who keeps asking.

And Leo, well, Leo is getting used to it. And maybe he likes it a little too much.

He shouldn't, knows he shouldn't, knows Jason is just that kind with everyone, that he cares for everyone, that the way he cares for Leo is no different from how he cares for any of his other friends.

He knows.

It doesn't really make it any easier.

Jason asks and, usually, Leo lies.

The lies always feel familiar on Leo's tongue, so much that he's not sure he would be able to be honest even if he wanted to.

It's so much easier to laugh it away and pretend it's nothing, rather than trying to explain to someone everything that's wrong with you. What even is wrong with him? It's been so long he doesn't even know anymore. He wouldn't know where to start in telling anyone (in telling Jason, because there's really no one else. He can be that honest with himself, at least).

So, Jason asks, and Leo smiles, and lies.

And Jason doesn't believe him.

Leo starts to lean on it. To lean on the soft words of concern, on the feeling of a solid shoulder pressed against his, on the comfort of a pair of blue eyes looking concerned at him.

He’s not sure when, but at some point lying to Jason starts to feel wrong.

It takes Leo a while to recognize the feeling - he hasn’t been feeling like this for a long while, he’s pretty sure the last person who has ever made him feel this way is his mother; it feels so weird now, but Leo finds himself wanting to be honest.

“Ehi”, Jason says. “Are you okay?”

It’s become such a familiar question now, as long as it’s coming from Jason’s lips, accompanied with Jason’s thoughtful eyes scrutinizing him.

“Yeah, sure”. It’s a reflex, replying like this. Leo regrets the words as soon as he’s done speaking them.

They’re sitting near the canoe lake, and the Camp it’s weirdly quiet.

The war is over, they’re both alive, and Leo should feel better. He does, in some ways - it’s easier to tell himself he’s enough, it’s easier to show a smile that is a little less fake than usual.

Still, sometimes, he doesn’t, and he’s not sure why.

There are those moments when he simply deflates. Once, he would have said he needs to be alone in such moments; now, he’s not so sure.

“You don’t really look okay, Leo”.

Leo looks at him, and Jason looks back at him. It’s doing something to Leo’s heart - Leo is a little afraid it’s going to set itself on fire any time now.

It’s the first time Jason calls him out on his blatant lie.

“I…”, he starts. He’s not sure how to be honest anymore, how to take off the mask completely. “I… will be?”

It’s true, he always does feel better in the end. It still sounds like a question more than anything else.

Jason touches his shoulder to Leo’s, and this time he doesn’t move back after a few moments; he stays there, shoulder pressed against Leo’s, a solid and real comfort. Leo leans into the contact, he can’t really help it. It feels nice, like he could allow himself to fall, because Jason would be there to hold him and help him back up.

“You know, you don't have to smile if you don't feel like it��.

It hits Leo like a truck. It’s such a simple thing to say, so obvious. Right now, it feels bigger and heavier than anything.

“Smiling is easier though”, he finds himself saying.

“Is it?”

Leo thinks that right now the only thing that’s keeping him safe is the press of Jason’s body against him.

Is it? Leo tries to remember when was the last time smiling and pretending while he felt like this had actually made him feel better. He comes up empty handed.

He leans more into Jason, wishes for a second that Jason would put his arm around his shoulders to keep him together. He wishes it so hard it takes him a moment too long to realize it’s real when Jason actually does.

But no, it really is true, the weight is real and firm, and Leo still feels like he’s going to crumble any moment, but he also feels like he doesn’t have to worry about picking up the pieces, because Jason will do it for him.

Jason pulls him closer.

His heart is definitely going to set itself on fire now, but Leo goes willingly, and finds it a little easier to breathe.

He closes his eyes, and doesn’t force himself to smile.

The next time, Leo doesn’t wait for Jason to ask.

He feels himself grow distant, getting lost in the maze of his thoughts and memories, he feels a little too outside of the chatting around him; and he feels his lips grow heavy under the weight of his smile, the mask getting harder to keep in place.

It’s a little like instinct, going to find Jason. It’s a little like fate that he finds him immediately in his cabin.

And it’s a little too easy to let himself fall on the bed against him.

Leo feels a little better just with that.

“Ehi”, Jason murmurs, quietly.

He doesn’t ask, this time. Instead, he wraps his arms around Leo, pulls him closer and closer until Leo is basically curled in his lap, head against his chest.

Jason is sturdy under him. Safe, Leo thinks as he melts in the embrace.

He closes his eyes, and can’t feel anything but Jason around him, his hand caressing his head, his scent filling his senses.

He hasn’t been this bare around someone in years; he never realized how heavy his armor became until now, when he’s finally thrown it on the ground. Jason has taken it off of him piece by piece without Leo even realizing.

He doesn’t feel like smiling right now, but feels calm, quiet.

The sound of Jason’s heart is the only one he can hear, and Leo almost thinks he can follow a morse code hidden in it, behind every beat.

His own flaming heart is doing the same as he runs and runs - but that code, Leo knows all too well.

His fingers start tapping it on Jason’s chest.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Maybe, one day, he’ll be able to tell him out loud. Maybe he can give Jason some more honesty.

Maybe Jason can understand it already.

For now, he holds tighter onto him and lets himself be held.

Leo soon finds out that Jason's arms are incredibly warm and welcoming, and that it's way too easy to fall into them.

It becomes a habit, and something that Leo doesn’t want to go without. He tries to, reprimands himself every time because it’s not right and it’s not good, and it’s only going to hurt him again and again and again. And where will he even find hiding and comfort once Jason himself is the reason for his spiraling?

But Jason is always there, and Leo can’t help himself.

And so, he doesn’t even wait for him to ask anymore, he simply allows himself to let the truth show, to stop smiling and fall silent, and he leans into him. Jason is always ready to catch him.

Leo wonders if Jason has the slightest idea of what it means to him - of what he means to Leo. Leo would love to have the courage to tell him - or, better, tell him in a language that Jason understands.

Instead, he falls into him, snuggle into his chest, and loses himself in the feeling of strong arms circling him as his heart runs around in a fire in his ribcage and his fingers tap the same hidden message on Jason’s skin.

It’s so engraved into him, at this point, that his heartbeat probably follows the same pattern, the blood in his veins pumping to that same rhythm.

Maybe that’s why it takes him a long while to realize that that same pattern is being tapped on his own arm. Jason’s fingers follow the familiar movement of Leo’s, speaking the same words that his heart screams every second of every day.

Leo feels it against his skin, and he wants to cry.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Jason doesn’t know, Jason doesn’t understand, or he wouldn’t be doing that.

Leo lets himself feel it one more time before reaching out and catching Jason’s hand to stop him.

“What’s wrong?”, Jason asks.

For a long moment, Leo can’t find his voice.

“Stop”, he manages to say in the end.

“Why?”

Such an easy question for such a complicated answer.

Leo wants to be honest. He desperately wants to put a fake smile on and leave. But he wants to be honest. He tries to find a joke to say, somewhere in his brain - something that would make the tension dissolve.

It’s become way too difficult to lie to Jason though, especially when he’s holding Leo like this.

“You don’t know what it means”, he ends up saying.

A moment of silence follows. Maybe Jason has gotten tired of trying to talk to him, after all.

“Of course I do”.

Leo stops, then turns to look at Jason.

“No, you don’t”.

Jason smiles, and Leo’s heart stops beating. There’s no way he isn’t going to set himself on fire any moment now.

“Yes, I do”.

“Then why are you doing it?”, Leo asks. He tries to move away, to put some distance between them, tries to take his armor and his mask back; but Jason keeps holding him, and keeps them out of his reach.

“Same reason why you’ve been doing it all this time”, he says. Then adds, “Or I hope so”.

“Oh, I doubt it’s the same”, Leo scoffs.

He hates the way Jason is looking at him right now, hates the way he himself is feeling right now. Still, he can’t help but lean into the touch when Jason cups his face - gently, he’s always so gentle with Leo.

His fingers start tapping again, slowly, like they’re engraving the pattern right onto Leo’s soul.

“Leo”, Jason says. “I’m going to be brave for the both of us if you’ll let me”.

Leo wants to say something, anything, but his voice is gone again.

Ha can feel nothing but Jason all around him, can’t hear nothing but the hidden words being written on his skin.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

The pattern merges with the spoken words as Jason says them.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Leo still can’t find his voice but his fingers know what to do, and so they reply, carving his feelings on Jason’s chest.

It’s a little like a dream, except that Leo’s dreams are never this nice.

He hides his face in the crook of Jason’s neck, hoping that he won’t set fire to the both of them. Jason lets out a soft happy laugh and holds him closer, leaves a kiss on the top of Leo’s head.

Leo is bare and honest like he’s never been before.

He smiles, and thinks that that feels like belonging.

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #pjo #leo valdez #jason grace #valgrace #valgrace fanfic #my fics #i hope this isnt too ooc for leo #but i loved writing it tbh so its okay anyway!#i hate how rick completely forgot that he gave leo his humor as a coping mechanism #so #i took matter into my own hands lmao

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sturnzyolo · 3 days

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Shadows

Matt Sturniolo x fem reader

Warnings: fluff, swearing, a little eerie scenery, crying, stress, bullying mention, comfort, anxiety, and slight obsession (anything else will be added in later parts)

slight summary/teaser: reader feels a significant connection to a particular classmate of hers, her teacher's favorite student. One day, when on her way home, she hears something.

⚠️ my first ever fic so don't hate if it's absolute shit although I take honors english + I will NOT be writing any smut, (sorry u horndoggaroonies) bc I believe my digital footprint is terrible as is, so. let's not add onto it!

(I hate having to copy and paste this everytime)

PART 2

Y/N POV

I was quite close to the principal, she knew how I was with Mr. Robinson, so she always excused me from whatever trouble he gave me. She was quite sweet and usually would just have a conversation with me before sending me back to class or to just roam around til I felt like heading back, which I appreciated from her.

This time I decided to just roam around the first floor hallways, my school was huge, but it was pretty old so honestly sometimes it felt a bit creepy.

I was even more creeped out when I heard a muffle cry from the boy bathroom, obviously I couldn't go in there, but I felt bad if I just completely left.

"Hello? Are you okay in there?" I asked softly outside the bathroom door with a quiet knock. I didn't want to startle whoever was in there, but I did want to check on them anyway.

I heard a trembled response, like they were rushing to fix themselves or choking up tears. "Uh yeah, I'm fine sorry" the voice said back in almost a stutter

I knew the voice, even just how he spoke and apologized, it had to be Matt. For some reason I always felt connected to Matt, in a weird way I always thought we would've been friends but I knew it probably wouldn't happen since he was honestly shy himself. The reason I even felt that way is because he reminded me of myself sometimes, although I'm a bit outgoing in school and always with people, I did have my downs at times and Matt reminded me of how I used to feel, and it made me want to help him.

"Matt? It's Y/N, are you sure you don't want to come out and talk about it?" I asked quietly behind the door so nobody around could pick up what I was saying. I probably looked crazy and weird being pent up against the boys' bathroom talking to whomever was behind the door.

I felt the door open slowly as I stepped back. "Hey, sorry I just felt anxious that's all" He said quietly as he looked down while he closed the door behind him. I could tell there was more behind what he was telling me, but I wasn't one to push boundaries, I mean he could barely even look at me.

"Can I do anything to help?" I asked as I took in any of his mannerisms and his appearance. I noticed his finger tips were red, his nails were messed up, it was evident that he bit them almost all the way down, but I wasn't going to bring it up incase of anything.

"No.. I'm fine really, just felt overwhelmed" It was very clear he was embarrassed by me finding him, and I felt bad it I continued to ask him anything.

"Okay, well I can walk back to class with you, if you want" I offered as my eyes traveled around his figure

"Yeah, okay, thank you y/n" Matt finally looked up, his eyes were slightly puffy, his eyes behind his glasses' lense were almost red from tears but his face was stained with them, I put my hands up to wipe them "May I?" I asked as I looked into his eyes for any kind of assurance or hesitance to my offer

(corny asf sorry guys 😔)

He responded in a slight nod, I carefully took my hands and placed them loosely on the sides of his cheeks. Matt wasn't too tall, about 5'8, which wasn't much taller than me, but enough for me to slightly be looking up towards him

(sorry to any tall girls reading)

my thumbs gently caressed his smooth skin as i wiped his damp tears away, my fingers swiping under the rim of his glasses. He seemed scared to even look at me, maybe even awkward to my touch, it made me feel a little bad for him, like nobody cared as much for him to give this attention.

I really could only name about 10 people I've ever seen hanging around Matt, and that counts his triplet brothers. I was glad he had them around, he seemed very cared and loved for by his family, but he wasn't really close to many others.

After I wiped his face dry from tears, I slightly tilted my head for us to walk back to class, which he understood as we walked side by side down the hall

(PART 3 OUT WEDNESDAY, I already know what's gonna happen, and we'll get to find out why Matt was crying in the next part)

I was previously planning for part 3's events to be added to this part but I wanted to edge u guys a lil 😋 but thank u for any and all of the support, I rlly appreciate it, love u guys sm 🤍

@mattsfavbitchhh @jamiesturniolo @jesscheesestring

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robinsegghead · 2 days

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Danny's Daycare Part 12

[Master List]

Cookies, books, wallet, keys. Cookies, books, wallet, keys. Cookies, books- what was he forgetting? He felt like he was forgetting something important. It was an aggravating feeling considering there definitely wasn’t something else he was supposed to be bringing. Hell- the cookies were an above and beyond kind of thing- even if they didn’t feel like it.

Was there any such thing as above and beyond for the man who’d killed his murderer? Not just killed, nonchalantly- accidentally killed the clown. It was such an anti-climatic death there was no way the Joker wasn’t rolling over in his grave. Cookies were the least Jason could do to thank Danny.

Of course, Hood was also bringing him and his ... kids- food multiple times a week and checking in on Miguel and Santiago when they stayed in their own apartment. He’d made sure to drop by every night after Miguel’s kidnapping and on the third night (the night after learning about Danny’s death which- what the fuck?) after the incident, the boys had gone back to their own place. He’d stopped on their fire escape just to make sure they were fine and had ended up staying and talking with Miguel for a while.

The kid was great; he didn’t have any fear of the Red Hood- most street kids in Crime Alley didn’t- and they’d had a nice long chat. He hadn’t met Santiago yet so he wasn’t sure what to expect, but if he was anything like his brother, Jason was sure they’d get along great.

Still, he felt…. Underdressed? It was a strange sentiment but something was off, something was missing. Irritated by the anxious feeling clawing inside his stomach, Jason pushed away the thoughts and focused instead on something else- anything else.

Arriving at the apartment building he’d been to many times at this point (usually when Danny was at work), Jason parked his bike and headed up. He knew exactly where he was going but it was strange to go there from inside the building instead of through the windows and fire escapes. He knocked on the door he knew was Danny’s, and waited.

There was a loud noise inside (some kind of arguing?) before the door was flung open by a woman who looked exactly like Danny.

“Dani!” Danny shouted and- okay- that was a weird sentence.

“So you’re Jason?” The girl- Dani..?- said accusatorily.

Jason didn’t know how to respond and instead offered up the cookies. “Yes..?” Okay seriously Todd, when did you start acting like such a coward? Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Yeah, I’m Jason, and you are?”

“I’m Dani- Danny’s younger sister and-”

“You’re both named Danny?”

Danny dug his fingers into his eyes. “Dani, can you please let him in?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She stepped aside and Jason stepped into the familiarly barren apartment. It wasn’t that Danny had no decorations, just… very few. A few pictures of his friends, a plant with a note next to it saying ‘do NOT kill this one Danny!’, and some random Nasa and space themed memorabilia. Actually most of that seemed new.

“Miguel! Santi! Jason’s here!” Danny called into the apartment. “They’re around here somewhere… You want anything to drink?” He took the cookies from Jason with a head dip and the feeling of Grateful-Nice-Happy washed over him which Jason did not know how to interpret.

Jason brushed it off. “Tea?”

Danny nodded and left to make the tea while Dani got comfortable at the coffee table in the living room. He chose to join her, placing the books he’d brought onto the table. “So Dani, your parents crazy or do they just really like the name Danny?”

She looked at him sharply as he started but softened by the end as if he’d almost offended her. “Ah- no, well yes- he’s Daniel, I’m Danielle, but neither of us like our full names-”

“That’s because the people who call us by our full names are all trying to kill us!” Danny shouted jokingly. Dani nodded sagely- wait- he was joking right?

“So we thought it’d be funny to both go by Danny. I’m Dani-with-an-i and he’s Danny-with-a-y.” She finished, going back to whatever she had been working on before, sticking out her tongue and squinting while writing something down.

“The venn diagram of people who call us by our full names and people who are trying to kill us is a circle, Dani.” Danny said pointedly, caming back into the room with a tray and placing it on the opposite end of the coffee table. That was a joke, right? (Knowing what he knew as Hood, he didn’t actually believe it was.) “Right, I’ve brought cream, sugar, and I didn’t know what tea you liked so I just made black but I have others if you don’t like it.”

“Black tea’s good.” Jason confirmed, adding a bit of sugar and milk to his cup and stirring.

“Sorry we’re late!” The front door opened. Jason thought they were in the apartment? “Someone didn’t wanna come.”

Looking up, Jason watched as Miguel grumpily kicked off his shoes, dropped his jacket on the nearest chair, and headed to the kitchen, not even offering the living room so much as a hello. Another boy- who looked so much like Miguel but younger and with brighter eyes- hopped into the room and smiled at Danny.

“No worries, Santi, this is Jason. He’s going to be tutoring you guys in English. Jason, this is Santiago.” Danny gestured between the two.

The boy examined Jason closely, clearly sizing him up, before untensing his shoulders and moving into the living space. “Hi.” He offered somewhat shyly.

Well that was fair, Jason would have been much ruder when he was Santiago’s age. “Hey kid, how’s it going?”

“Better before now.” Miguel grumbled, dragging himself into the room and settling into the armchair furthest from Jason.

Yikes, what crawled up his ass and died?

Looking towards the ceiling, exasperated, Danny sat on the couch- a central location between everyone else and Miguel. Okay. Well. That was probably his cue to start talking. Shit- what had he gotten himself into? He didn’t know how to teach! Even if he’d helped his siblings (not that any of them would admit to that- himself included) and been good at English in high school that didn’t mean he’d be a good teacher!

“Well, before we get into it, I wanted to see what you boys were comfortable doing. I’ve got these,” He rifled through the books he’d brought and pulled out two papers. “They’re writing prompts. After reading the excerpt at the top you write a standard essay and I’ll look over them afterwards to get a better idea of what you guys need help with. Sound good?”

Santiago eyed him warily but nodded slowly. Miguel gave him a blank stare until Danny sighed quietly, then the older boys face cringed slightly before blanking again.

Jason decided to ignore it and hand the boys their papers. “Take all the time you need but remember, I’m just trying to get a feel for where you’re at, it in no way has to be perfect.”

The boys worked for a while, each having moments of frustration. At one point Santiago stood up and went to the kitchen where he- Jason thought- paced for a few minutes before he came back, calmer, and finished the paper. Miguel kept squinting at the page, rereading lines, growing more and more upset until he finally gave back the paper and speed walked out of the apartment.

Sharing a look with Danny, Jason wondered if that was normal. Was he squinting because he didn’t understand the wording? Or maybe he had poor eyesight? Jason continued to contemplate what it could have been about while Danny followed after the older boy.

“Don’t worry about him.” Santiago said quietly, not looking up from the other school work he’d been doing while waiting for Miguel to finish his essay. “He gets overwhelmed. Thinks ‘e’s stupid er somethin’.”

Ah. Well. Jason understood that sentiment. He’d loved school, as a kid who’d never had the opportunity to go and didn’t think he ever would, going to school (especially college) had been Jason’s dream. That didn’t mean he thought he was smart enough for it. Alfred (and even Bruce) had been privy to some very embarrassing meltdowns about how stupid Jason thought he was.

(Was, past tense, because Jason certainly didn’t think that now. Even if Timbers constantly figured things out that Jason couldn’t possibly hope to figure out on his own. Even if Damian had a larger vocabulary and better grades than he’d had at the same age. Even if Duke had just graduated as valedictorian with honors while maintaining his daylight vigilante lifestyle. Even if every single member of his family was ten times smarter than he was- he was still smart. Yeah. No childhood insecurities had carried into adulthood here- no sir.)

“Well, I’m sure that’s not true. He just thinks that cause he’s from the streets. I thought I was stupid too when I lived on the streets.” Jason said nonchalantly, feeling Dani’s eyes on him. “So Santiago, I brought a couple of books- you can choose which one we start with and find something you might enjoy, how’s that sound?”

Miguel never came back. Danny did, with a poorly hidden frustration masked behind optimism. At least it didn’t seem like Santiago was able to pick up on Danny’s jitteriness or frustration. After the essay and picking a book to read (He’d chosen The Giver) Jason had given him a workbook and instructed him on how to correct the sentences in the module. Some were missing commas, some were missing capitalization, and so on and so forth.

Dani had long since abandoned what she’d been working on so Jason took a look. What? He was curious. She was getting her GED- something he’d considered on and off for years- and he just wanted to know what went into it. So he was curious, sue him.

Someone cleared their throat causing Jason to jump and look around quickly. Danny was jerking his head towards the kitchen and with a glance at Santiago, who’d apparently fallen asleep with his head on the table. Stealthily, Jason followed the man into the kitchen and checked the time on his way. Huh, he’d been here for almost two hours at this point- longer than he’d thought.

“Sorry about all that.” Danny spoke, quietly. “You want anything to eat? Drink? You’ve been here a while.”

Jason shrugged, feigning indifference. “I wouldn’t say no to some more tea.”

Danny nodded, putting the kettle on the stove and getting everything ready. “Your money’s on the table.” He gestured again with his head and Jason tried to ignore the way his hair fell over his eyes every time. “Miguel might take some time before he really participates in your lessons, I appreciate your patience.”

Leaning against the counter, Jason shrugged. “Not a big deal, really. Reminds me of myself when I was his age- actually, he’s a lot less angry than I was at seventeen.” A lot less murdery too.

“Yeah… Me too.”

Whipping his head around, Jason caught Danny staring into one of the mugs he’d just put a tea bag into. His stare was thoughtful, considering, until he snapped out of it and looked up to meet Jason’s eyes and- oh god. He was staring. He couldn’t help it. He’d never seen blue eyes so dark before. Almost all of his siblings had blue eyes, but they were just… blue. Danny’s eyes were dark blue, reflecting the kitchen lights and sparkling like the night sky and they were perfectly framed by his long dark eyelashes and-

“Jason?”

Forcefully pulling himself out of whatever the fuck kind of trance he’d just voluntarily gone into, Jason tried to focus. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Danny tilted his head. “I… wasn’t.”

“Oh.”

Their attention was pulled away from each other as the kettle started to whistle quietly. Danny turned it off quickly and Jason remembered the boy asleep in the other room. A mug of tea, with a little cream and sugar, was quickly pushed into Jason’s hands and he took it gratefully.

“Well, thank you for tonight. Hopefully next time goes a bit better.” Danny leaned against the opposite counter and lightly blew the steam from the top of his mug.

Jason nodded. “Well maybe whatever put Miguel in a bad mood today won’t affect him next time.”

Letting out a small chuckle, Danny shook his head. “I doubt it. I think it’s mostly me making him do school stuff. He… thinks he’s stupid. He’s not, but he’s not really good at school stuff and he doesn’t have the patience. Again, reminds me of myself in that aspect.”

Thinking for a moment, Jason cut in. “I think you should get him tested for dyslexia.”

Danny froze momentarily before looking up to meet Jason’s eyes again. “Why do you say that?”

“He was squinting at the page. Maybe he just needs glasses, but I noticed a lot of spelling errors when I glanced at his work earlier. It would explain his frustration with school stuff. Santiago has some interesting tics too and seemed…” He got angry at his next thought. “Scared every time I noticed him fidgeting or making noise.”

The man closed his eyes. “Yeah… I… noticed that too.” Jason noted the way the man’s voice cracked. “They don’t like to talk about their parents, from what I’ve gathered their dad was quite abusive.”

Jason and Danny shared a knowing look, each saying they understood. It wasn’t something he’d wanted to see in Danny’s eyes, but the longer Jason looked into them the more he got the idea that Danny’d been through more than he let on with his optimistic ‘I’m helping people for the sake of helping people cause that’s the right thing to do’ attitude.

“Well, things will only get better the longer they’re with someone who takes care of and loves them. Certainly helped me.” He added the last bit quietly. Danny hummed in acknowledgement, but not agreement. The realization that they were the same- that they’d had abusive dads (that they’d died), that they’d been angry teens, it had made Jason wonder if (hope) Danny had had a Bruce.

But his hum had been acknowledgement not understanding and not everyone was as lucky as he’d been. Sure, he and Bruce didn’t see eye to eye a lot of the time, they’d had their fights, he’d said bad things about Bruce (some of which he believed), but he’d had Bruce. Danny clearly hadn’t had anyone to help him out of his shitty home. Someone who believed in him and pushed him to be the best version of himself he could while also taking care of his emotional needs.

Danny’d been trapped.

“I’m sorry.” Jason said before he could stop himself.

“Hm?” Danny looked up from wherever he’d been staring a moment before. “For what?”

Letting out a puff of air, Jason frowned. “I didn’t mean to… bring up any… bad memories.”

The man’s eyes softened and god how were his eyes so beautiful and deep? “Don’t worry about it.” He waved his hand casually. “It’s all in the past. Besides, I’ve got bigger worries now.”

“I guess you do.” Jason agreed. “But if you- uh, ever want to talk… I’m willing to listen.”

The look Danny gave him made him feel small. Not in a bad way- more like… he felt appreciated and he wasn’t exactly used to that. Like he’d done something worthy of Danny’s gratitude. “I’ll keep you in mind if I ever need to talk, Jason.”

Emboldened by the surge of positive emotions (a rarity for Jason), he smirked. “You can keep me in mind for more than that, doll.”

“Oh, we’re back to this, huh?” But Danny’s voice was only filled with mirth. “What else should I keep you in mind for then, Darling?”

Unwilling to back down this time- he was prepared for Danny’s flirting this time around- Jason looked the man up and down suggestively. “I can think of a few things, but I think I’d better take you to dinner first.”

“Is that right? Just dinner? Or were you thinking about dessert too?” Danny glanced between Jason's eyes and his lips, licking his own.

Fuuuuck this man was going to kill him.

Jason leaned forward. “I’m always thinkin’ about dessert, doll.”

Opening his mouth to respond, Danny’s smirk dropped quickly and Jason wondered if he’d said something wrong. Gearing up to apologize for crossing a line, he was interrupted as Miguel turned the corner and eyed the two of them warily. Studying Danny fleetingly, Jason wondered how he’d known the boy was coming in- even Jason hadn’t heard the door open or his footsteps. Though that might have been more due to the pounding of his heartbeat being the only thing he could hear.

“Miguel.” Danny greeted happily. “You want some tea?”

The boy looked between the two men before scoffing, turning on his heel, and leaving the exact way he’d just come in.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Danny seemed to be calming himself. “Sorry about that.” He started, still visibly calming down.

“No worries, really. Teenagers gonna be teenagers, right?” Jason shrugged.

“Yeah I just didn’t think I’d have to deal with it at the ripe age of twenty-two- er… three, I guess..”

Jason tilted his head.

“It always takes me a while to get used to saying a new age. Anyways, I should probably get Santiago to a bed and see what’s going on with Miguel today.” Danny scooped an envelope up from the table and offered it to Jason. “This is what I owe you, I hope tonight hasn’t completely deterred you from tutoring the boys.”

Taking the (ridiculously thick) envelope from Danny, Jason pocketed it. “Nah, it takes a lot more than that to scare me off. I’ll get out of your hair so you can take care of your- uh take care of the kids.”

Danny, who definitely didn’t miss Jason’s slip-up if his doubtful look was anything to go by, led him to the door and waited for Jason to slip his shoes on before opening the door. “I’ll see you Wednesday.” He saluted casually before walking away- why the fuck did he salute?!- and heard the door close behind him.

Taking a moment to relax (why had he been so tense?), Jason let out a deep breath.

“Yeah, must be exhausted.” Jason whipped around to see Miguel crouching outside his apartment, twirling a pencil. The remark was sarcastic and followed up with an eye roll but Jason couldn’t help being a little happy the kid had willingly spoken to him.

Turning to face the kid fully, Jason tried to push out an aura of calm. “Not really. Why would you think that?”

Miguel rolled his eyes and stood up. “Don’t play stupid.”

“I’m not playin’, kid.” Jason shrugged.

“I’m sure teachin’ a idiot for two hours and then fallin’ all over Danny is exhaustin’.” Miguel spat. “So, you must be exhausted.”

Oh. Okay. So that’s what this was about. “It’s not nice to call your brother an idiot.”

Affronted, Miguel sputtered. “What- I didn’- I would never- I meant me ya dumbass!” He hissed, seemingly aware that his brother was asleep in the other apartment and Danny had really good hearing which- wait was that another meta thing?

“You weren’t with us for two hours.” Jason shrugged. “Besides, neither of you are idiots.”

“Oh please- I was failin’ school ‘fore I dropped out, no way I’m gettin’ back in no matter how hard Danny tries.” Despite the venom it was said with, Jason could tell there was more sadness than anything else. He knew that feeling.

“Listen, Miguel-”

“Don’ act like we’re friends!” Miguel whisper-shouted across the hall, opening his apartment door. “An’ leave Danny alone- he ain’t interested in someone like you- he already has someone ‘e likes!”

And then he slammed the door, negating all his work to keep quiet, and likely alerting Danny to the argument and waking Santiago if he hadn’t been awake already. Jason hightailed it out of there not wanting to be caught still standing outside Danny’s apartment.

The ride back to his apartment felt longer than it was as he replayed the conversation he’d had with Danny through the lens of ‘him already having someone he likes’. It sure seemed like they’d been on the same page earlier. Jason hadn’t been too cryptic, right? Everyone knew what ‘dessert’ implied while flirting, right? He’d been the one to bring it up!

By the time Jason got back to his place it was almost nine which meant he’d need to start patrol soon so he definitely didn’t have time to be overthinking every expression and word that’d passed between the two of them. (He still did.)

“Jay! You made cookies and didn’t save me any?!” A familiarly obnoxious voice greeted him when he opened the door.

Groaning inwardly, Jason scowled. “What are you doing here, Dickface?”

“Can’t a big brother visit his baby brother?”

Technically, Dick was in his Nightwing suit, so he probably shouldn’t be connecting them so obviously. But Jason had never given a flying fuck about B’s rules. “Not your baby brother.” Jason muttered, kicking off his boots and placing the stack of books he’d brought to Danny’s (Minus the Giver) onto the kitchen counter. “What do you want?”

Dick frowned. “You’re usually out by now, wanted to see what was up and then I found you made cookies and didn’t save me any!”

There was no evidence that Jason had made cookies (he cleaned up as he went, thank you very much) but there was a lingering smell and when it came to sweets, Dick could always sniff out anything. “They were for a friend.”

His brother gasped. Great, now he’d done it. “A friend? You have a friend, Jaybird? Who is it? Why’d you make them cookies? Are they more than a friend?”

“Shut up, Big bird.” Jason grumbled, collapsing back onto his couch and closing his eyes.

The gasp his brother let out this time was louder than the last. “They are more than a friend! Little wing! Were you on a date?”

As if. Too bad Danny ‘already likes someone else’. Shaking away his self pity party, Jason reminded himself of Danny’s flirting. The things he said weren’t something you just said to anyone- right? Of course, they hadn’t known each other that long- sure, Red Hood had known Danny for almost two months, but Jason had just met the guy a couple weeks ago. Maybe Danny was just a flirt?

“Jayyy!” Dick whined. “Tell me about your friend!”

Burying his face into the crook of his elbow, Jason tried to ignore the man’s incessant whining. Until he couldn’t. It was just-so annoying. “Dick! Shut up!” Despite being thoroughly annoyed, Jason noted the distinct lack of green in his vision- something that definitely should have turned up by now. “He’s just a friend, the cookies were a thank-you, now get out of my apartment!”

Pushing the man towards his window, Jason begged whatever gods were listening that none of the other bats were listening at the moment.

“Okayyyyy,” Dick whined. “But next time I come over you need to tell me all about your boy friend that’s not your boyfriend.”

“Get out!” Jason shoved him.

Falling onto the fire escape his brother grunted but finally took the hint, leaping off the landing and grappling away. Finally, some peace. He deserved a moment of peace and quiet, he’d had a long day- hell a long week. He’d wanted to visit Danny as Hood again, get some more answers, but every night had been filled with B&E’s, robberies, muggings, his own drug bust he’d been working on for a while, and a case Cass had asked him to help on.

He’d stopped by to see Miguel only once in the last week and hadn’t gotten the chance to stop by Danny’s before getting pulled away again. It had been a long and frustrating week. Tonight had been especially frustrating in its own unique way.

Gearing up, he pleaded with the same gods from earlier for one quiet night. Just one, just so he could ask Danny what the fuck he meant by- well everything he’d said.

He did not, in fact, get his wish.

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#danny phantom #dp x dc #fanfiction #danny phantom/jason todd #danny's daycare #dead on main #damian wayne #jason todd #tim drake #Dick Grayson

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