#just be aware that I’m awkward af

[blitzy-blitzwing]

I’m gonna stream a commission tomorrow and I would love it if you joined me. 🥺🥺

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday Fandom. We’ve reached THE episode. Sorry little later than usual. Life didn't understand I had a review to do ha I remember not knowing what this ep would quite be. When it was done I had to pick my jaw off the floor. I was in utter shock and felt like a fever dream I was watching. Like did that really just happen? Was that real life? It’s was so exciting to have the payoff.

Even if it felt like it wasn’t real LOL Did my damn best to get everything in. I feel like I’ve become really good at this gif puzzle but eps like this really pushes me to the limit ha. God bless the gif website I found or I would be screwed haha Let’s get this started :)

5x08 The Collar

Aaron wants to shadow Angela and Harper today. He is looking into being a detective someday. So Grey re-assigns him to them and Lucy to Tim. Telling her she’s back on gopher duty. They could not be MORE suspicious or obvious if they tried my god. You know Grey knows his question about riding together is making them more uncomfortable. It's hilarious really. Trying to get them to out themselves. Instead they’re just little awko tacos staring at each other bumbling around.

He knows they’re lying with their 'No's' But he also doesn’t care. LOL They’re riding together whether they like it or not. It's amazing with their lives on the line with UC their ability to lie is amazing. Flawless really. Having to deal with their still weirdness and not show it? Abysmal. Such bad liars in this scene holy hell. The amount of awkward in this 30 seconds floors me.

From the minute Grey suggests they ride together they’re awkward dorks. Ones who don’t know complete sentences or words. This scene says so much with saying so little at the same time . There’s a reason they’ve stayed away from each other. This moment right here. They’re so very aware if they are back in a shop together everything they’ve been avoiding will come rushing back. Such a strong start to the ep for them though. Enjoyed their discomfort so much ha

We start out with them in the shop being awkward af. I loved the shots in this one and their opening one is great. With the cams coming to life and their day starting. Lucy of course is the first the break the silence. Asking him how single life is? He tells her really nice. How he didn’t have to deal with anyone complaining about him watching football all day.

Lucy giving him crap of course about never leaving the house. Things maybe weird between them but their comfortable banter hasn’t suffered. They fall right back into it with this scene. That married energy they have coming right back into play here. Gah they just balance each other out so well it’s insane. Haven’t had a couple this in-sync since Caskett on Castle.

I love him being a hermit though. He earned it after Ashley. He did whatever she damn well pleased for months. You stay home and watch your football babe. You earned it after that disaster of a relationship. Tim does defend himself a little saying he took Kojo out LOL I consider that going out too when I’m needing a hermit day. I'm with you on this Tim.

I love the affectionate way Lucy says he’s hopeless. That’s the beautiful thing about Lucy for Tim. Yeah she gives him crap but she fully loves that man for who he is. She would spend a day being a hermit with him just because it made him happy. D just wrote an amazing fic on that concept actually. (You should read it so so good) Lucy loving and accepting him for who he is and not condemning him for it. Yeah she’s teasing him for being ‘hopeless’ when really she is so fond of who he is as a person. Loves that man inside and out. You can see the adoration on her face when she delivers that line.

Just love the idea of them having lazy Sundays together now. Lucy indulging his hermit ways when he needs it. No doubt Tim indulges when she wants to be out. Because their partnership is a balanced one. Gah I love them. Chris FaceTimes her and Tim looks over and makes a face LOL god damn I love this man. Chris asks her if she’s busy? She says no…but seems not at ease with this phone call. Lucy asks where he is? He tells her an open house…They could not be more opposites in this moment. They spoke earlier about moving in and Chris jumped the gun to houses. Sprinting toward a future she doesn't want.

Lucy wasn't even on board for moving in...She is looking so very panicked. He’s going on about how it needs work but is 3 bedrooms. Tim’s interest now has been piqued and it’s stressing Lucy out for a couple reasons. She is no where near ready for this step and he’s gunning to a house. Second Tim can overhear this adding another level of stress. She doesn’t want Tim to think they are there. Because well they aren’t….Lucy cuts the phone call off abruptly. Asks if they can talk later? Chris being the clueless oaf he is doesn’t pick up on her stress at all. He says 'love you' and she says nothing in reply just ends the damn call LOL

Tim asks if they’re moving together? Lucy looks even more distressed after the phone call. Her body language screaming she’s being dragged into this situation. Kicking and screaming really. Lucy tells him no…Tim follows up with ‘He seems to think you are…’ Lucy is having a panic attack right now when he says that. The way she puts her hand on her chest. Trying to relieve the building pressure of this whole thing. Now there’s a girl ready to move in with her BF…. She seems so rattled the entire conversation with Tim.

Lucy continues on that he kind of sprang it on her this morning. He can read her discomfort like a book. So he continues his line of questioning. Which is unreal because you know the shop is a personal life free zone right Timothy? The fact that he’s the one pursuing this conversation. Being the one to ask the questions. My god how far we’ve come it’s crazy. He can tell how unsettled she is. The way he’s analyzing her and looking at her tells him everything he needs to know.

Yet he asks her ‘You guys are happy right?’ Lucy does a very unenthusiastic ‘Yeah we’re happy…’ Tim presses on like a devils advocate that is making her panic worse. Saying if that's true this is 'The next obvious steps for them then.' Lucy continuing her fake streak saying they’re “super happy.” Ok love sure you are…As she says this she is rubbing the crap out of her tattoo. Just being a lying liar who lies right now. They get a call before the convo continues on.

Everyone gets involved in a stop Nolan and Celina have. She has a bomb collar around her neck and she becomes the focal point for everything. The tension and writing leading up to them getting her to that parking lot in immense. Even though I've seen this episode many many times that portion always gets me. It’s so sad how afraid she is and her re-evaluating her life cause of it. How empty it feels now.

Pam and John talking was heartbreaking. How all she wanted was for her mom to know she loved her ugh. Sadly she ends up dying and that’s where this scene begins for them. I truly think this SL was a motivator for Tim. One of the reasons for where we head in this one. Because it’s so easy to get bogged down with life. To fall into the going through the motions. To have regrets with having a comfort zone. Tim taking a shot based off that.

Lucy expressing how she is feeling. It was upsetting to watch as a viewer. I can’t imagine being there watching that unfold. Tim being her sounding board. Knowing how upset she is right now. Giving her feedback on what he thought was the killers motive. Talking this out because he know it'll ease her mind. Then stupid Chris calls. Blind as a bat couldn’t read Lucy if his life depended on it.

He’s not calling to see if she’s ok or how she’s doing. No he’s calling about a f*cking house. She could not be more distraught right now. What does this tool bag do? Bring up listings. I love how Tim’s eyes pan over to her. Checking in on her emotional state. Seeing she is so distraught. It’s very obvious she is upset and this is the last thing she wants to be talking about. This moment is opening her eyes to who Chris is as a person. She isn’t liking what she sees.

Her ‘wow’ sounds like she is trying to stop herself from going off on him. So ignorant and oblivious to her and what she needs right now. Lucy already wasn’t on board with this which he didn’t see. Now she’s rattled from their current case and this mofo is sending her house stuff. Lucy can’t even process this right now. Tim being her absolute hero and hearing her silent screaming bails her out. “Yelling” at her to get off the phone. Hate his line ‘He’s in a mood.’

No you’re a clueless insensitive idiot. Who he is currently saving her from. He presses about that damn listing one more time before she hangs up. Haven’t wanted to sucker punch him this badly since 4x17. Lucy can finally breathe when they hang up. She looks to her rock and says ‘Thanks.’ A very loaded and grateful one. Tim giving her the sweetest look. Fierce protector reporting for duty. Putting her first in this moment and saving her from that convo going further.

I LOVE how Tim is constantly watching and checking in on her in this episode. He handles this whole thing so well. He’s not a dick telling her to dump Chris. He’s so so god damn attuned to her emotionally. It shows so very much in this episode. Lucy loves to talk things out and yet she keeps avoiding it in this episode. Avoiding truly getting to the root of why she’s feeling the way she is.

Which is fascinating considering that’s her jam. Analyzing and breaking something down. Digging deep to see why something is the way it is. Yet on this one she is avoiding it and Tim gets her to face it. He even gives her an out if she needs it. Telling her if she doesn’t want to move in with Chris she doesn’t have to. Tim just got out of a ‘moving through the motions.’ relationship. His POV on this is excellent.

He doesn’t want to see her settle or be forced into anything she doesn’t want. Just because Chris is ready and wants it. Lucy finally starts to talk about it. Saying why doesn’t she want to move in with him? Telling Tim they never fight. Thats a huge red flag if you ask me Lucy. That’s not healthy at all. Tim telling her maybe that’s the problem here….

It’s this next line above that really gets Lucy’s thoughts in motion. Tim just did a mind f*ck when he asked her this. You can see the realization washing over her in that second gif. Because he’s not wrong. You fight because it is worth fighting for. Chris has always been this blah middle of the road nothing for her. Was a BF? Yes. Was he decent? That’s debatable…

Chris was just there as a safety net for loneliness. Now that he’s becoming more than that it’s becoming a serious issue. One she can't ignore anymore. All their glaring problems coming to light in this moment in her mind. Tim is talking her through this (which I can't get over.) With the most perfect mixture of empathy and logic. She’s slowly realizing he is NOT worth the bother.

Tim is not only pointing this out but with massive heart eyes. Telling her she deserves someone who’s worth the effort. Pre-laying all his cards on the table in this moment. She can’t break the eye contact with him after he says this. Knowing what he means by this statement. This entire episode is him being Tim ‘I’m worth the effort’ Bradford for her. The more she looks at Chris the less she likes it.

The more she looks at Tim the more she knows he’s the one. And that scares her to death. God I love him stepping up and guiding her like this. Not only that but talking her though this whole thing. Something that he avoided like the plague in 3x09. Shaking closure and talking off and saying it was useless. Here he is talking her through this crisis she is having. He’s crushing it too btw. Such an iconic line for them for so many reasons. This makes me squee still rewatching it.

Before their convo goes any further they spot a second person with a collar. This guy is way more aggressive about saving his life. Pulls off and finds some sheers. Saying he’s not waiting around to die. Tim immediately grabs Lucy and heads for cover. It’s the way he holds her and shields her at the same time.

That’s his whole world right there. He would take the heat of a thousand bombs to protect her. Tim has a one track mind in this moment. He’s not thinking Lucy can handle herself. Or she is capable of getting to cover on her own. No he’s thinking that’s the woman he loves in front of a bomb.

It changes his entire perspective. So he full on grabs her and places his body between her and the bomb. Thats his first instinct to throw himself between her and harm. Gah it’s so good and just feels like more in this ep. Proving to Lucy over and over in this one she is worth the effort to him. Fierce protector front and center.

We catch them back in the shop trying to figure out next moves about this next bomb. Chris texts her another listing... In an area she CLEARLY doesn’t want to live in. Tim can’t stand to watch her suffer any longer. He is as straight forward with her in this moment as I’ve ever seen him. He knows she has been on edge all day. From the case alone.

Now she has Chris making matters worse with each interaction. She looks so upset when Tim asks her if she loves him? Noting that 'He clearly loves her.' His growth I talk about a lot and it’s episodes like this that truly show it. Look at this man pressing her to talk about this. He knows she’s in her head and talking it out always makes it better. Tim knows this about her and is pursuing it for that reason.

Lucy has been running from her feelings for Tim for quite some time. She low key knew about them in s4. Then 4x21 happened and they imploded on her. Hitting her like ton of bricks. This moment is her ‘Come to Jesus’ moment about Chris. Also about her feelings for Tim. Saying out loud she SHOULD love him. That he’s great in so many different ways and yet…

It’s hitting her in this very moment she can’t love Chris because she loves Tim. Because that man is and NEVER will be Tim Bradford. He will forever pale in comparison to the man sitting to her left. Tim is the most important person in her life. It’s just hitting her like a freight train what’s happening. I love how she trails off as she comes to this conclusion. The way she looks at him when she comes to this realization.

Doesn't take much for Tim to see what she almost said to him. Lucy says enough that Tim knows what she is saying in this moment. The way he looks at her after her almost confession. my heart. I think this scene is another catalyst to their ending scene. I remember watching this scene and saying ‘You’ for her and squeeing my head off. Because she just basically admitted to not only herself but to Tim. That Chris is not Tim. He never will be…They both know it at this point. He is not 'You' is where she was headed and they both are aware of this.

We’ve reached THE scene. The scene that changed all of our shipper lives. heh Lucy coming up saying she needs to talk to him. Her rubbing that tattoo of hers before she sits down. Tim making a crack about Chris wanting to live in some remote place. I don’t know anything about CA but I imagine that city he listed isn’t great ha

Lucy says ‘No…’ Tim goes right at it telling she just doesn’t want to admit it’s not working. He asks her why she is doing this? When she is clearly so VERY unhappy about this development. This entire episode she spent stressed and on edge about Chris. Asking her if it's the guilt about Rosalind?

Lucy tries to pull a Tim and deflect. Bringing up Ashley and staying in a relationship too long. Tim does not let that fly for one damn second. Continues his assertive comments with her. He gets so worked up when he cuts her off about it above. That this isn't about him. Telling her she’s just hiding in this relationship because she’s scared.

It’s here Lucy blows his damn mind with her reply. Airing her fears of losing the the most important person in her life. Now I think Tim knew there was an attraction on Lucy’s end no doubt. She invited him in for gods sake in 5x01. He knew there was an attraction. What he didn’t know was the level of importance he held her life. It’s written all over his face. He is shocked legit shocked she feels this way about him. Now anyone with eyes could see Tim is exactly what she said. The most important relationship in her life.

The thing is Tim is so very damaged in that way. I get that so very much. Where you don’t expect those around you to love or care as much as you love and care for them. The sucky life of an insanely loyal person who has been burned which I can relate to. My friend just other day told me how much he missed me while I was away in TN visiting my sister. Him and my other friend missed me. I made a joke like oh did you not think I would come back?

Would you miss me or something? He looked at me and was like yes. We love you don’t you know that? I would be devastated if you didn’t come back. We’ve been friends for almost 5 years. It still shocks me I have people who love me and would miss me. So I can deeply relate to Tim being shocked he holds that place of importance in Lucy’s life. He’s NEVER been put first. Not till Lucy Chen entered his orbit.

She panics when she sees his reaction not reading him like she usually does. Thinking she’s overshared. When really Tim is just smitten af with her reply. He is beside himself with shock that he is HER #1 person. He doesn’t feel worthy. Thats not what Lucy reads at first when she sees his reaction. She thinks she’s over shared or over stepped in some way. Tim stops that train of thought right away. Telling her 'No she’s right.' Lucy once again misreads him and thinks they should just back off this then. Better to keep them as is. ‘It’s not worth the risk...’

Then we see our boy do the biggest leap of faith I’m sure he’s ever done and combat her reply with our next iconic OTP line. ‘Unless it is.’ Looks how cute he is when he says this. His precious upside down smirk. Reminds me of his cute smirk from 4x22 after their peck. He looks so excited about this idea. Just look at this puppy of a man. Going for it and telling her I think we are worth this. Wanting to give them a shot. Basically saying we are worth risking what we currently have for what could be.

This next part is where his courage really shines through. I love how he takes this deep shaky breath in the first gif. So nervous to ask her this question. Tim Bradford is NERVOUS everyone. So nervous to ask the woman he loves to take a chance on him. To go out to dinner and give this a shot. He finally finds the courage to ask her. Lucy’s answer is immediate and adorable.

If she could go to dinner right then and there she would. Jumping out of her skin with excitement at his proposal of going out. Tim is so elated and his smile so damn wide when he says ‘Yeah?’ He can’t believe his luck. Looks like the smile of a man who just got everything he's ever wanted. Months of longing over in this moment of courage. He’s so happy she’s said yes. The man is beaming proudly displaying that Lucy smile he reserves for her and ONLY her. Lucy mirrors his elation with her 'Yeah' *heart clutch*

Lucy then back tracks and we watch our boy deflate instantly. He looks so very upset when she takes it back. Her excitement got the better of her and she retracts. I saw a hilariously accurate depiction of Tim in this scene. Said he had golden retriever energy in this moment. All excited and giddy for getting what he wants. Body wiggling with absolute joy. Then is told no and is all sad and deflated. Then he doesn’t perk back up until she says she needs to end things with Chris first.

The analogy cracked me up because it was accurate. He looks so very gutted when she says no after. Has that 'This was too good to be true I guess.' energy coming off him in waves. Lucy tries to rectify the situation with her reason why. Doesn't want to see that sad look on his face. The man looks devastated. He just went from an absolute high only to come crashing down seconds later. The way he nods like he understands but is really hurt about it. My poor puppy of a man.

I love how he lights backs up when she tells him to ask her again. Later. After she’s rid herself of the dead weight that is Chris. Making sure Tim knows she wants this just as much as he does. She just needs to end things first. Make it right. No one gets doing things honorably more than Tim Bradford. His cute smile after he tells Lucy 'Deal.' His hope returning. Their body language above in the last gif is everything. Their bodies are pointed towards each other. They couldn’t be happier right now. Leaning in toward one another finally giving into that magnetic pull of their's. Both grinning like idiots in love. Gah I can not. I am a puddle. I remember rewinding that scene to make sure I saw and heard everything correctly.

I was expecting their pining era to last longer tbh. I was delightfully surprised when Tim of all people took the leap. Helped Lucy take it with him. For him to be the one without doubts and to go for it was so important. Lucy for the most part has been the catalyst in their relationship. Tim has has his moments. More so in the last season or so. But Lucy has mainly been in the drivers seat. To watch this man overcome his fear of rejection and go for it with her. my damn heart. This man isn’t scared to ruin what they have because he KNOWS. This is it for him. She is it. I can’t get over how much he’s grown to get to this place.

To be the one to say hey we’re worth the risk. Would you like to go out with me? Showing her she’s worth the effort of leaving his comfort zone. This moment right here is why I’m so glad they did the slow burn. Why I was ultimately happy they didn’t hook up in 5x01. This was the right way to do it. I wouldn’t trade a moment of their journey to get to this point. Not one and that’s is a rarity I’ve only had with one other ship. Castle and Beckett and that is a high honor if you know that ship. This was another daunting one to tackle but so fun to write about. I was buzzing for days after this episode. Mostly just happy this is where our slow burn ended up. Wouldn’t change a damn thing.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

The whole bomb SL with Pam makes me cry every time. It’s so tragic. Will say John was great with her rarely give him props but he does so good with her. Celina having to do the death notice kills me this ep is very emotional.

Bailey messing with John with the clowns is pretty funny LOL but idk how Bailey could think a coyote was a dog lmao ‘how did you get him In the crate?’ 😂

[oh-my-damn]

You know what, I read through all your post yesterday and today and I want to thank you for shining a light on this problematic behavior. I also want to thank you for allowing me to see his relationship with Jenny from a different perspective.

Jenny like Alba was agreeable in the beginning. I mean she ended her marriage so she could be with Chris. It was all puppy love and dream seventh grade boyfriend at the start. She enjoys being around him and his circle. She loves that she include in everything from Vegas to Disney. I’m her mind she got the quarterback at the price of altering her personality to fit his.

Eventually all puppy love fades and that’s where couples struggle. She begins to question his fuckboy behavior. Why he feels the need to constantly party, go to strip clubs, but the majority of their time together is spent at his house doing what he wants spewing his pseudo intellectual bullshit.

He really fooled Jenny too. She was in a vulnerable time in her life after ending her marriage. It looks like he love bombed her by showing up to her premiere, confer shows and book reading. Spending time with her support system was easy because it’s a few suburbs over so he really doesn’t need to put much effort in.

She starts causing too much trouble and becoming less agreeable so he ends it. He goes back to his fuckboy ways and now Jenny is stuck with the realization that she left her husband for this douche. They talk about each other in interviews, looked awkward AF at the premiere and that’s that.

Until late summer/early fall when the realization hits Chris that he doesn’t need to pick up women and have a FWB rotation with ATL women if he just apologizes. I’m sure he hit her with the it’ll be different this time, I promise to change speech and she fell for it. Nothing changes. It’s just the same shit different day. They continue their relationship because their both in ATL working so it’s easy and convenient. Then they both wrap and the curtains lift up and she realizes she got duped again.

Once a fuckboy always a fuckboy. Chris strikes me as the guy who expects his meat and potatoes on the table when he gets home. I partially blame his upbringing because that’s how he was raised. He had a stay at home mom who did everything for her family and I think he wants the same for himself. If he’s going after an independent woman it’s strictly for the purposes of stripping her independence away from her because I think he gets a big thrill from it. It’s clear he likes being in control. Being in control gives him power over you and your life. If he’s the sole breadwinner then you have to depend on him and can’t really leave. He boxes them in without them even realizing it.

THIS. I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.

And the end part !!

I actually mused over this not too long ago bc as you may or may not know, I started writing a book (before all of this) about Chris in a secret relationship and it is still ongoing and when this came out it really spun me for a loop and I couldn't write it for a long time.

Anyway, in it, she's a lawyer, so not in the industry, and they keep it quiet to protect her.

But I had this written down before the articles came out and stuff in my drafts, its an interaction with them that is SO REAL to me bc this is legit what everyone should remember when in a relationship (I know I'm more aware of this due to law school but its an important lesson)

I'm so sorry this is long but I didn't know how to cut it down without losing the point of it, so I'm gonna put it under a cut.

I don't think many of my readers realized how important a conversation like this in a relationship where one partner makes a hell of a lot more money than the other. It's easy to get swept up and give in to it, but then what happens when its over? You're alone, standing there, having given up on your dreams, your safety net, for what? A boyfriend?

Any lawyer knows to never do this because we've seen the cases but I can tell you that it happens way more often than it should.

Anyway, here it is, read if you want, my point is that I agree with everything you said so much !!!!

This is the excerpt from the stranger with the money/work dynamic talk:

"Fuck work," he grumbles sleepily, his voice deep and groggy, "Stay." 

I let out a small laugh, pushing my back into his chest as he wraps a long leg over my hip to press into me more insistently. 

"I can't," I reply with a smile, finding one of his hands and entwining our fingers, "I need to work." 

"Why?" He half whines, huffing against my neck, "Work is no fun, stay here with me. I promise to give you a good time." 

I chuckle, "Well, I need work for money. And you know, that's without mentioning that entire 'I want to achieve my dreams' thing." 

"I have money," Chris murmurs against my neck, "Take some of mine." 

I snort out a laugh, shaking my head in response, "I don't want your money, I want my own money." 

Chris huffs jokingly, his warm breath tickling the back of my neck, "Are you saying my money's no good?"

"Mhmm," I giggle, "That's exactly what I'm saying." 

"How dare you," Chris grumbles, his arms releasing their hold for only a moment before he turns me onto my back. He leans on his forearm to hover over me, a teasing glint in his cerulean blues, "What's wrong with my money?"

I grin as I look up at him, reaching up to card my fingers through his mussed up morning hair, "I didn't earn your money. I earned mine." 

"So?" He questions, leaning down to nudge my nose with his own, "If I wanted to share my money with you, it would technically become yours." 

"Yeah, but that's not how it works," I chuckle, my hand trailing down the side of his face to stroke his beard, "I wouldn't feel comfortable spending money that wasn't my own." 

That makes his brows furrow. He tilts his head, blue eyes gazing over my face before he asks, "You don't think you'd.. ever, feel comfortable with that?"

I mirror his curious look, letting my fingers trail over his cheek, "What do you mean?" 

"Weeelllll...." he drags out the word, maneuvering around until he can place his beefy body between my legs. His upper body hovers over mine, leaning on his forearms, as I let my fingers run through his soft locks. 

"What if," he continues, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "For example, hypothetically, we were married. Would you still feel weird about it?"

I let out a surprised chuckle, tilting my head as I look up at him. My fingers card through his hair as I shake my head, "No, if we were married it would be different." 

"Why's that?" he muses, leaning into my touch with a soft smile on his face. 

"Because then we'd be married," I reply with a smile, "Being married is a whole different type of security. I wouldn't have to worry about becoming reliant on you, or your money, or your lifestyle, and risk that you'd be able to pull the rug out from under me suddenly."

His brows furrow, and I quickly add, "Not that I think you would! Of course not, I just mean logistically, like, rationally, as a lawyer, we know the pitfalls in these types of situations. Becoming reliant on your boyfriend is never a good idea." 

[tariah23]

Yeah! The biggest threat to goiji is gojo himself. Not just because of his status and hang ups about being the strongest but because his powers make him so above it all he can't begin to comprehend where ijichi is coming from and he's so mean to him for it 😭😭 he starts out nicer in opposites attract because from the onset he already wants to interact and hang out with ijichi on purpose. otherwise in pretty much any other scenario he's just not considering him. It could even be backhanded if gojo extended literally any thought to him at all 😭😭😭

Exactly!!! I’ve talked sm about their whole THING for months and MONTH now with friends/ mutuals privately 😭…….. for Gojo, he’s just TOO stuck in his ways; absolutely stubborn. He’s also been sheltered to hell and has been raised to believe that he isn’t really a person ever since he was a child and so, it was probably always hard for him to actually BELIEVE that he could ever connect with anyone on a human level because he doesn’t see himself as one. He’s too far above them and feels that it’s useless to actually connect and build bridges with other people because they already don’t SEE, nor do they understand him, at least from his perspective.

It’s like he most likely unconsciously prejudges everyone around him, even his friends and students, because he’s already set himself up to never be truly part of their world on a personal level that’ll leave him vulnerable. He just exists in it and he won’t ever go any further than a silly joke, teasing them like hell to the point of bullying (Ijichi……), and hugs (because Gojo really does love to throw himself onto other people. Physical contact is fun for him and he’s already an extremely affectionate individual as is so it comes naturally for him. He also seems to do this on purpose because he’s tall as hell, annoying af, and ugly!!! He is aware of the fact that he gets on everyones nerves but when he does this, it really does show that he enjoys the company of those who he cares about even if his way of thinking might come off as backwards skkssksks.)

As for Ijichi, yeahssshs. In “Opposites Attract,” Gojo is the one who makes the first step but tbh, the story/characters themselves seem to be very much in character imo!!! I can see all of what’s happened in the story, especially between them, legit go down in canon IF JJK were a different story and that the themes revolving around Gojo’s trauma were more zeroed in on and I’m so serious.

The writer handles his feeling of loneliness and isolation so well and you can literally see how hard he tries to push back on Ijichi from getting closer to him in the story until it had gotten to a point where the both of them just became legit friends who were 100% comfortable around each other. They had built up a comfortable routine… they had their disagreements and confrontations and Gojo never apologizes for the awful things he said to Ijichi in the story but you can always tell that he’s at least sorry and that he will do better with dealing with Ijichi next time. I love seeing just how used to Gojo’s personality Ijichi becomes over the course of the story lol. That’s what close proximity and overexposure does to a mf!!! The development from Ijichi feeling awkward and uncomfortable around Gojo to Gojo swinging him around at the airport bro…… (that chapter was so fun whajajajl. Ijichi was going THROUGH it while Gojo, his new FRIEND who used to be bully his ass back in HS, was gone away on a mission and he missed him sm lol. Then I think that was the same chapter where he went out drinking with fellow auxiliary managers and how he had to defend Gojo from being badmouthed by one of them 😭… and Gojo heard about it and teased Ijichi by calling him his hero or so 😭… falling to me knees…….. )

It’s so well written and the way that the writer had dragged their relationship along for so long… It’s literally insane that they haven’t kissed or even so much as held hands yet lmfao. They’re probably still not even dating even after 100K words lmfaoooo. I’m behind on the last 5 chapters so idk if anything has happened YET but uhhh. Gojo FEELS like Gojo in the fic for sure!!! Same with Ijichi! I love how character driven the narrative has been! Gojo does have the tendency to surprise others, especially Ijichi, when he wants to. Like, he’s kind of shitty towards him and he doesn’t usually realize that he’s being dismissive and mean at all but he’s aware of the fact that Ijichi is a sensitive person who’s always nervous and wanting to do his best and please others as well and so he takes advantage of that people pleaser side of poor Ijichi lmfao.

I think the story handles their dynamic incredibly well and the progression from Ijichi being annoyed with Gojo being around to falling head over heels for him makes sm sense 😭!!! Gojo has the capacity to treat other people with respect and he’s not the monster he thinks he is. People actually DO care about him, not just because he’s strong 😭! I just love how Normal Ijichi is… and it has been brought up multiple times throughout the story as well. Of COURSE he’d feel insecure around someone like Gojo but Gojo, even in canon, doesn’t really give “shallow,” at all to me at least. He’s kind of ableist though and again, super dismissive of those who he views as weak, but it’s because of the way that he’d been raised and conditioned to view himself as a something not human. His views don’t steam from a place of malice at all. Also, because it’s his job to “protect,” the weak. That’s always been part of his whole mindset. Gojo is also a weirdo lakakakakl. Given a little time and patience, Even outside of all of the bullshit that comes with dealing with him because of his personality, I think that It’ll definitely come down to Gojo allowing himself to be vulnerable with others in order for something to shake. My guy is literally a thorny rose 😭!!! I hate him for that!!!

[tutuandscoot]

If you met Tessa and Scott, what would you say to them or ask them? (Individually and together)

OOOFF!!

What a loaded question

I’m going to take this as “What would you ask if you got to interview them” because there’s no way in hell I would cope in a M+G situation I would be awkward AF, sweat, stutter, cry probably, most likely faint.. nah I need a few hours and half of that will be me trying not to sweat and cry.

You would not believe the amount of times I have fantasised about getting to interview them! I’m not saying I would be good at it but so often they always get asked the same questions and that’s partly the reason they give the same answers.. one thing I would manage to do though is not ask them about any “‘’’’’’’ relationship””””” stuff- at least the typical way it’s always asked

Also I have been secretly hoping someone would ask me this so I would have an excuse to post my answers coz honestly I feel like a dick just posting this fantasy of mine unprompted

I’m gonna say before hand that some of this stuff is probs too personal and I wouldn’t necessarily expect them to answer- like when I go to ask them I would likely say ‘if this is too personal you don’t have to answer’. I think if it was maybe asked in the right way or with the right intentions- which I don’t feel a lot of interviewers in general have, they would answer though. So anyway just saying that up front so I don’t have to say it in every third sentence below.

So for me there’s two main things I’m really interested to hear from them that I don’t feel they have ever discussed in depth.

1. I am really fascinated with their physical relationship. This is everything from technical partnering- dance, lifting etc, choreography and movement language, storytelling, and then physical intimacy including things like The Hug, their handhold (the handy holdy) and then just the way they handle each other- the softness, the gentlenesss, the heart eyes, the closeness. Then how all of this plays with their connection and communication and all the things they talk about that went into cultivating their partnership- how that manifests physically.

That is very wide reaching and I think I would need at least 3 hours just to talk about all of that stuff (I would legit need like 5 hours with both of them, then like an additional two hours each of them alone so they can brag about each other hahahahahahahah) but that’s where a lot of my fascination lies and none of those things I think they have really talked about in depth in any other interview. The first few points are because I’m (was) a dancer and worked a lot with partners, but I never had the opportunity to work with any one partner for a long time nor get to any kind of performance based physical intimacy/connection with (very few stage dancers do coz you never have just one partner your whole career, much less from the age of 7/9- you don’t usually start learning proper partnering till teenage years). The rest is the stuff we all go googly eyes about and you legit don’t see it with other couples (dance pairs and just couples in general). The way they handle each other is so insanely beautiful and I would want to know if they are aware of it or its just so natural they don’t realise.

So, lets break these down into actual questions/proper subsections/dot points to launch off from (coz if one of them starts saying something interesting I’m following them down that train of thought).

Q1:

A) Can you discuss the evolution of your partnering, how as you grew older, stronger and more mature that developed. B) In your book you talk about working with Cirque du Soleil performers to develop your lifts but is there more you can elaborate on that- how you created them, developing program/character specific lifts, transferring from floor to ice (maybe get them to talk about 3 examples of lifts: Pink Floyd serpentine lift, original Funny Face curve lift, Carmen/MR rotational lift). C) How much ballet/ballroom pdd/partnering training did you do off ice (throughout career) and how did that aid you on the ice- closeness and body positions, your movement in harmony is so superior, transferring those techniques to the ice and adapting them for the steps, turns, glide, physics etc.

Q2:

A) once you developed (and continued to develop) your partnering technique- your way of individually moving together as one along with things like lifts, as that trust, safety, comfort with each other grew as far as the physical, athletic component of the sport, how did you then develop your movement- I’m gonna say ‘language’ together? You have said that you felt you became known for having a certain ‘lyrical’ style, yet your body of work proves you are the most versatile team in history. Personally, watching you I feel your style really comes from a much deeper connection and understanding of this language in how you moved together- no matter the specific dance style. So what was developing that language like? Did you find it came naturally as you matured, found styles/music you latched (pun intended) onto? Did you have to refresh/refine/redefine it often/occasionally? (Like working with Jean Marc).

B) Did that language change a bit with each program or was it this constant that you took with you into each new piece? How did the process of developing characters affect the choreographic process- say with something like Carmen or MR, more character driven, and how did that differ to looser themed programs like say Mahler or Latch- where the story is less obvious but very important to the two of you in how you convey movement together. What role did improvisation play in discovering movement?From personal experience I know its always different, but did you find there was a natural rhythm and process to how you found movement together- when one of you move did the other naturally find how to hold or complement the other? I imagine after so long together less and less verbal communication was needed to find movement and your bodies just naturally found each other and moved for each other.

C) You’ve mentioned briefly previously about working with acting coaches, and how especially in the comeback you found this… slightly method-ish approach of starting your movement, interactions and emotion from within- letting how you each feel inform how you interact- along with using character driven prompts, and this allowed each time you danced/practiced it to feel different and in the moment, and like you were really having an experience with each other in the world of your program.. can you elaborate more on that- what was entailed in working with the acting coach, what kind of things did you do, what other acting techniques did you employ? Would you say, speak to each other as your characters, obviously dancing you are communicating through movement but did these kind of things help you in discovering and learning about your characters? I find the way you two dance everything is so informed by what the other does, in a somewhat spontaneous way as if you are really living it in the moment like it hasn’t happened yet (sorry I’m trailing off).

Q3:

A) So there’s these two things you guys do that is pretty unique to you as a team: First thing is The Hug. I know you’ve been asked about it a few times before and it became this quite fascinating process to watch. It must be such a hard thing to verbalise because, the meaning is so internal and emotional, what you’re doing is quite simple but I imagine there’s really a lot going on. So I know how that sort of ritual started but, I’m sure like your dancing and skating and partnership as a whole as you went through more and more experiences together, if you can put it into words what did that ritual of the hug come to symbolise? What else was going on within it? The idea of getting your heartbeats to synchronise is I think maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, so did you ever get them to and maybe in your desire for achieving that… I don’t know I just have this idea in my head that when you started working with B2Ten through heart rate and blood pressure monitoring or whatever they were able to get you to synch up so quickly and efficiently- not so it became robotic, but so it became more automatic and you knew it was gonna be there but then also I can imagine it being your special ritual that was your’s and no one was allowed to touch it and whether some days its was easier or not it had to be this completely natural process.

B) The second thing is, and I’m fully aware this seems like an odd thing to notice and have thoughts about, but within the kind of nature and traditional ‘rules’ within your sport, is often when you guys would be stroking around the ice on like a practice or warm up, is you hold hands, like properly rather than dance hold like, pretty much all other teams do. And, on first glance it doesn’t seem like a big deal but when you notice no one else does it its quite obvious. Then when you watch more, you notice that you guys have to change back to dance hold for things like bows and getting into partnering, so it’s not super convenient-that’s why dance hold exists. But I also just think it’s so indicative of you guys being this TEAM.. like it just makes you appear so strong and together, and less like this distanced dance pair. I know you’ve said- in relation to your IWTHYH exhibition, that “holding each other’s hand is the most intimate thing two people can share”, and I thought that was so inspiring, and I think really says a lot about your partnership- that you can show your love for each other through the most simple of gestures. So I’m wondering was this a conscious decision to start holding hands like this, and progressively more and almost exclusively when you came back in 2016, or was it like with the hug it just happened one day and you found you really liked it a lot more than dance hold? Was it ever noticed by coaches or judges or officials etc and frowned upon? What do you feel that hand hold gave you? It feels like watching you there was just this sense of empowerment and invincibility- not immune to failure or anything, but you were just stronger. It feels very empowering.

Q4:

(this would be prefaced with “if its too personal…..”) So I’m really curious about the physical intimacy you guys share- not only on the ice but somewhat off ice too. From the outside it’s obvious you guys have this beautiful, caring loving relationship- that’s obviously more, or deeper then a normal friendship, but also because it’s platonic… it’s just so unique. And don’t know if you guys realise it.. I mean you know the way you are is not like other ID couples, and I’m not asking this from the pov of what most portrayed as ‘romance’ but the way you guys are with each other is so beautiful, like you’re so gentle with each other and just the way you hold each other and look at each other like the world could be ending around you and you wouldn’t blink. And when I see it I don’t think ‘romance’ I just see these two people, living so artistically and you just have this aura as if your souls are connected, when you’re together it’s like the air is thinner, or as you’ve said creating this bubble where you only see each other and that’s such a safe space. So I guess what I’m curious to know is what does that mean to both or you? Being able to be that way, so unashamedly, was it always that easy or when did it become easy? Whether it’s kinda in the context of a program practice or just, I guess it’s being each other’s support system and confidant. I know you’ve kinda called bs in the past at the idea that anything that you do is played up for the crowd or the judges- I mean there is that in ice dance of convincing the judges of chemistry- but you guys never needed to, so it really just seems like it comes from this place of overwhelming love and care for each other. I know you’ve both said that you are very sensitive people and I can kinda see that in the way you treat each other that your always so aware of the others feelings and energy. Its just really beautiful, and then you see that gentleness in your partnering as well. It’s an odd thing to explain.. S I remember you saying how when T came back after surgery and you were being so gentle with her, afraid she would break. I think that’s so sweet, but then in a way, it’s like that softness continued and you’re both that way with each other and it’s not out of fear of the other breaking, its just this care and kind of, protection of each other, almost on a spiritual level. I’m sorry this rambled on forever, so I guess this was just a long complement for the both of you but if you may I’d love to know what your thoughts on that are, if you were consciously aware of it, and I guess, if you miss it- being able to be that close and physically caring of each other. To watch from the outside it’s very emotional and, if I’m reading it right, the care you have for each other is so visceral, I just wonder if it felt that magical for the two of you, after so long it still seemed just as special and emotional.

Follow up: how do you reconcile the physical nature of your relationship - all that in between stuff- the not choreography or the performing, with how you are removed from that. I think the way you treat each other off ice- out of that ‘athletic partnership’ just as best friends is so beautiful, unique and full of love as well, but it is different- it inevitably is out of that athletic/artistic space. Do any of those moments linger with you once you leave the ice for the day? Do they cause conflicting emotions? Is it something that you feel content with keeping in your safe space on the ice or the studio?

*this question/comment would be something I would want to ask them separately as well- obviously word it more specifically for each of them. Full disclosure I would one million% feel awkward AF asking them this but I still really want to know and since there’s a 0.000000001% change of me actually getting to interview them I can just be here feeling my usual amount of awkward.

2. The other thing I’m really curious about is their unwavering commitment to each other. Their unbreakable loyalty. Truly why skating with someone else was never an option- like at all. Why they wouldn’t do DWTS or BOTB or perform one-off with other partners, let alone form a new competitive partnership. When that really started to set in that they would only do this with each other. Beyond the work they put in starting at a really young age of cultivating respect and strong work ethic, why they chose so early on to only be with each other. Do they consider their partnership to be this exclusive thing like that of making a vow to each other. The way they often talked and still talk about how special it was…

So I think these questions maybe a little briefer. These again are questions I would ask them both together and separately. There’s something interesting about this/these questions, the topic of them, I think this is something they would often discuss privately together, but feel less comfortable answering together. I’m not sure, I just know based on things they’ve said how they would talk openly about how they felt about each other and things like.. that they told each other their biggest fear was letting the other down, that they are happier for each other then themselves, or they care more for each other than themselves. Yes they have admitted saying this stuff (that’s how I know) but I wonder would a question like this- their commitment to each other be more openly answered separately then together- that they would discuss this stuff, how they feel privately together but not publicly together. Does that make sense??

Ok so some specific questions:

Q1: Can you discuss your commitment to each other? It’s so obvious based on the fact you never wanted to change partners, stuck with each other through injuries and semi-retirement, actual retirement, all the pressure and outside people nit picking at your partnership and off-ice relationship, protecting your amazing friendship and kinda companionship in each other for so much of your lives. The strength of your bond and commitment to each other just seems stronger then steel. You wouldn’t even do DWTS or BOTB- dance/skate professionally with other partners. Is your partnership to the both of you, somewhat of an exclusive- “marriage”- like commitment to each other-not an actual marriage but a commitment to each other that you would never break? Was it this combination of the work you put in and learning to care for and respect one another for the success and growth of your partnership, and along with that developed this genuine emotional connection?

Follow up: the way you often talk about it, not just what you say but the emotion with which you say it, it really feels like it was just so special to you and it was in a sense, like this love language- a language only the two of you spoke, and it was this thing that was so necessary you take care- that you took care of each other, and this partnership. This connection where it seemed like if one of you felt broken the other could feel it to. It’s sometimes like when I hear you get asked about dancing/skating with other people there’s this hurt and fear in your voices about the thought of having to do this without each other. You’ve said how the thought of singles skating is terrifying and what gave you so much strength was having each other. So what was that like? Can you describe some of the emotional factors behind protecting your partnership throughout your skating career?

Follow up: how important is it to the both of you that each other is the one that you have in a sense, for a huge part of your life, trusted with your life- your emotions, your wellbeing, your insecurities, your body, your heart. And how important is it to you that even now, you protect that bond and keep it as this incredibly strong and loving relationship even though your life circumstances are very different?

Follow up: do you consider yourselves to be part of each others family?

(I’m aware these questions are very long winded. In an interview situation I would try to cut them down- I hate when the interviewer talks too much- but that’s when it’s about themselves and not the interviewee- for me I just want to give them so much praise and complements and- not talk about myself but tell them how they make me feel- maybe give them a glimpse at what it’s like to witness from the outside these smaller things others haven’t brought up before).

Ok, now for some individual questions. As I said a lot of the stuff above I would also ask them individually because of the way they gush about each other there is stuff you would maybe get when the other is not there- this being a huge dilemma is they just think the freaking world of each other that the whole interview may be spent complementing each other. However I will say it’s amazing how good they are at accepting complements to their face- so often that can be cringy (unless you’re a narcissist) but I think they can take it so maturely because they DO think the world of each other so its easy to look each other in the eye and say think is what I think and feel about you because they know it is honest and they feel the same way.

Some questions first for Tessa: (I’m not gonna go in depth on these ones)

Her ballet/dance upbringing. Did she do exams (if so what syllabus) when did she go on/how long was she on pointe for (I doubt when they moved away and were skating full time she bothered with pointe shoes in the ballet she did do, not often at least) did she compete in solo/group dance competitions like with skating. What’s her favourite ballet/dance production, if she could perform one principal ballet role what would it be

Preparing skates: breaking in, care etc (compared to say pointe shoes- there is a whole process I imagine there would also be with skates I would just want to know everything about that coz I find it interesting) - I could ask either of them this really

I would like to ask her about that physical intimacy stuff without Scott- just from a female pov and being in a dance/performance environment- so it’s not your actual ‘SO’ partner, being so beautifully treated in that ‘dance partner’ relationship so there’s that element of friendship but mostly professionalism and a bit of presentation, what that felt like and yeh…. Does she miss it.

Scott:

I would probably just geek out over The Office with him. Bond over Modern Family quotes and being able to remember really random lines of dialogue.

This was touched on in the KOP podcast but I would go into more depth about his artistic journey. His relationship with the artistry side of the sport, other topics of that nature. Also that period in their teens when they made two big moves/coaching changes, how that affected him on top of puberty- as he says he could be a bit of a dick (and could’ve been nicer to Tessa) back then. How did he manage that then and how does he reconcile it now- its not a bad thing, we all go through shitty stages through our teens and when they were legit training for the olympics (2006) and winning international juniors comps- the pressure both from the outside and on themselves would be challenging to deal with- also the affect moving away from his family had on him.

One final question for both of them: WTF was that water bottle shit they had going on at that press conference at Finlandia Trophy in 2011??

[somewhereinthepines]

I can't quite remember where, it was either here or on ao3 that you mentioned that Chris is a bit of the jealous/possessive type. At least because of his condition maybe, and it got me thinking about that.

It feels like it would definitely have a sinister vibe to it, I can certainly see it building in GP. Watching Ryan, potentially following him around, the ambigious touches, the weird conversations, and the revealing dreams. It's just below the surface, but noticbly inches out closer to the full moon or after interactions with Dylan. It's just so interesting because nobody would think that Chris has any bad intentions. He's just an old dude who's hard set on his rules and is openly fond of Ryan in anyone else's eyes.

Seeing glimpses of what could be him losing his composure is tantalising and creepy at times. As the reader, we have a different perspective than Ryan. He just really wants Mister H, and it's amusing how frustrated he's become. But then that begs the question, what is going to happen when he gets him? All bets would be off, I guess.

I've been trying to imagine what they might be like once it's all up in the air. That Ryan knows Chris wants him and how Chris might alter his behaviour. What's the use of hiding his intent when that person is aware? It's difficult to think of how different things might be after that. And I'm quite curious just how open or obvious Chris might be about his possessive, overly protective feelings towards Ryan might be. I'm also curious about who else Ryan might be meeting, but I have a feeling it could be some of the other hacketts? Maybe Travis, god, imagine if Ryan somehow got to meet Constance or Jed. It'd maybe go okay if he did as he was told and kept being polite, but he wouldn't like them. Didn't he say he doesn't like Jed at the start of GP? If he met Bobby, under normal circumstances, I feel like there'd be room for a comedic moment. Both of them just awkwardly stand there in the woods or something.

Bobby not knowing what to do because there's nobody to tell him what to do, plus Ryan isn't a threat. Then our poor guy is panicking, thinking, "Who is he, is he a hunter, I thought they weren't allowed on the property? Why does he kinda look a bit like Chris?" Imagine Chris behind the camera freaking out and cursing up a storm. He rushes down there to defuse and talk their way out of the situation. Only to reach them and see of all the bizarre things that Ryan and Bobby are having a simple, weird, but positive conversation. Maybe Ryan said something blunt and awkward like "nice, knife?" and Bobby just started explaining to him how he got it and what it's good for. It could be the most crackiest, chaotic convo, but Ryan is just nodding, listening, and making a few comments. Meanwhile, Chris is just confused behind a tree or something, feeling conflicted bcs it'd bad that Ryan bumped into Bobby. But idk maybe if he and Bobby have a decent brotherly relationship, he'd feel kinda grateful or happy that Ryan is making an effort to talk to Bobby. Yk like how he liked that Ryan makes an effort with Kaylee and Caleb? It'd be the most chaotic and weirdly funny thing if Ryan managed to accidentally get Bobby to like him. Especially considering what happens in canon. But that's just a funny weird little imagine ramble, haha. I doubt it'd actually go like that, it was just funny to think about. Pfft, imagine Chris telling Bobby that if he promises to keep the interaction a secret, he can come see them later. All the hacketts except the parents having lunch with Ryan. It would be chaotic af, lmao.

Sorry for that long-winded ramble, I only meant to ask and wonder about Chris's hidden possessive mannerisms. I ended up coming up with an odd Bobby and Ryan bonding moment instead of all things, haha.

heya! it was a while, since we talked the last time. and considering how, i’m yet to re-read my works to recall, where i’ve dropped it all, my memory on that bit is also rusty. but chris sure is possessive! though, i’d say that the wolf part of his nature is only half of the problem. the other part is that chris himself have those feelings / emotions no matter what, but if he wasn’t a werewolf, he would have been better at hiding / controlling it. 

and honestly, jealousy is generally not a good thing / emotion, even if i’m an absolute sucker and advocate for it in fiction. jealousy is hot to me, as well as possessiveness. irl, it would be a different matter, but considering how good portion (if not all tbh) of my ships usually have at least one ‘yandere’ or emotionally unstable individual, it makes perfect sense for them to lean very heavily into that aspect. express their dedication to a person in somewhat extreme ways. tho when i’m looking specifically at my supermassive ship, funny enough there is not much space for such stuff, haha. at least, not in how i write it. i mean, if we take idk john/andrew, there isn’t any possible rival there, bc andrew and john are kinda joined by the hip and get along to the point, where every other interaction in comparison just doesn’t live up to what they have. well, from my point of view, anyways. but in chris and ryan's situation, it’s different, since ryan despite being a quiet, weird kid has people, who have crushes on him and then there are folks, who are friendly to him. and generally, chris’s view on ryan isn’t similar to john’s on andrew. from chris’s perspective ryan would eventually date and prob marry people, which naturally doesn’t sit well with him. he’s not proud of it, of how he seem to put an invincible claim on ryan, but it is a thing lol. and in GP, he’s way more weak-willed vs in ASB. he cannot help himself, and the further it goes, the worse it gets. and yeah, that’s the scary, might i say even realistic part about chris. he’s fatherly, friendly, old-educational kind of man. you look at him, and think, hey he’s rough around the edges, kinda awkward, but he’s nice and tries his best. and yeah, he does tries his best. he's fatherly and overall (usually) means well, but he’s not nice lol. and while at first, he did tried to be a parental figure for ryan, he honestly wanted just that, eventually it twisted and changed as ryan got older….less boyish and more ‘easy on the eyes’. and then, most importantly, he’s also chris’s first ‘friend’, the only attachment beyond his family nest. so in a way, you can see how he will get weird about it tbh. esp bc he and ryan get along so well. he would be afraid to lose it. to see ryan moving on. and while he knows that it would be for the best, it's also one of those instances, where he wants to be selfish about it.

as for how they will act once they’re properly ‘together’, well, it would heavily lean onto the lil plot that slowly happens in the fic. besides they cannot be a ‘normal’ couple in public for example. not only are they're a boss and employee, but ryan is way younger than chris. and it’s if we won’t take into account both of their families, and how ryan and chris themselves were raised. and how while it’s part of why they understand one another, they also will be 'weird' in any relationship. even if in their case, it’ll be somewhat comfy, bc they’re both like this. but what i can say is that ironically chris prob be less aggressive toward dylan, once he and ryan are together lol. one might have pictured it the other way around, but nope. but like, why would chris be jealous of that poor lad, when ryan picked him? it's like set in stone from that point on, esp when chris will see the 'proof' of it. ryan means business. but that applies only to dylan, haha. bc chris always feels somewhat bad for picking on him so much. since really, it’s not his fault for liking ryan, from chris's bias perspective, who wouldn’t? but there is also another aspect of how much one can let the other person know, the level of ‘creepy’ they are about them. if a person is smart and have at least some understanding about what is ‘okay’ and ‘what’s not’, and if they know that they're actively doing the later, they would try to either play it down or keep it a secret. out of all my supermassive ships, only du’met can be openly creepy, bc he’s a serial killer and he’s well-aware that he's what one might call bat-shit-crazy. and then, charlie is a low-key narcissist, so y'know...it works, haha. in comparison, everyone else will be partly scared to alienate the other person, to push them away, bc of how obsessive they are about them. and in chris’s case, it’s also complicated by a simple fact, that he’s a werewolf. him and ryan being together not only somewhat ‘problematic’ for 'normal' reasons, but also bc chris essentially a serial killer. it would be so-so much harder for him to be ‘decent’ about stuff, or seem this way, if one will be like ‘jesus, he’s a real deviant. he prob liked killing and eating those people too. and prob have some murder fantasy about that ryan kid too’. even knowing everything, ryan won’t think this, naturally. but chris will still hold that fear, bc he cannot know for sure what ryan might assume. to him, it’s a very tricky territory. but then again, if only he knew the extent of ryan’s own obsession, he might have been a bit calmer about that part, haha. i also must say, that ryan is prob the one, who isn’t fully aware about his own ‘claimship’ on chris. 

i mean, he doesn't want to imagine mister h having a type and all. also if someone thinks, that chris is hella unreasonable with dylan (which he kinda is), you just wait what would have happened, if ryan suspected that chris might have new 'favorite' camp counselor. i even had that hilirious one-shot idea, where both ryan and chris are both jealous of dylan. like chris would try to keep dylan closer to himself, so that he'd spent less time with ryan, but from ryan's pespective it would look like he might be getting replaced. like y'know a classic rom-con stuff, haha. i honestly tend to feel somewhat bad for people like dylan, who is bystander and just kinda gets caught in the middle of it all, while being absolutely clueless. and it gets even more messy, if everybody learning what hackett fam was doing all this time. learning what chris was doing, and ryan is over there still openly simping for mister h, regardless of it, haha. like, it's pretty much canon, and it's amazing. i'll be honest, it's not super important to me what other characters think about my ships within the story. but i love how often, it would create some very awkward situations or an actual 'bruh, wtf' moments. ryan can overlook kidnapping, cut off limbs, deaths and all, if only it would mean, that chris did nothing wrong. amazing. great! one of my biggests personal let downs is that no one in LH, calls out john for almost instantly forgiving andrew abandoning / accidently killing people. john and ryan share that 'selective blindness' to a t.

and oh, since it takes me so long to continue the story, i’ll drop a lil spoiler for you. yeah, jed and bobby are one of few people, who ryan will cross paths with. but it won’t be cute, haha. and he will meet travis too. he prob will met every hackett, beside constance. i wanted him to hang out with caleb as well, since the last story had more spotlight on kyalee. feels fair to give the other hackett sibling some time with ryan too! and yeah, ryan did think that jed sounds like an asshole lol. bc well, he is. ryan despite his emotional stupor, still can see the difference between how his own grandparents raised him and what chris’s parents did. there is a thin line between ‘tough love’ and negligence / low-key sadism, but ryan can feel it. for him chris's family sounds closer to his mother vs his grandparent. so no good 'role model'. ryan also keen enough to notice, that chris has that weird almost automatic response to any critic toward his parents methods. if someone was raised in a norm fam, sure they would defend them, but not to the point of almost knee-jerk reaction.

and this kinda why i often feel, that people mistake chris’s obedience / need to inform his parents about things for him being ‘the spoiled child’ out of the 3. when in fact, he prob ‘has to do those things’, bc he thinks that he has to do them. same with travis. If you look at constance’s favourite phrase of ‘encouragement’ aka ‘good boy’, it legit sounds like smth that you would say to a dog tbh. not to mention, that all 3 of hacketts brothers still live in that very same place, next to their parents, even if they’re all beyond 40. And you can see why well, bobby be there. but while travis was no doubt gaslighted / manipulated into staying, bc what if they needed smth. chris on other hand most likely was ‘conditioned’ to keep the family business running. he might still like his job and love nature, but it didn’t mean, that he couldn’t try to open a camp someplace else. but he never did. like, there is a lot of ‘what the hell’ moments from ryan’s pov when it comes to things that he notices about chris and his stories and interactions with his family. if you love someone, and see them being mistreated or cut off from bigger opportunities or just generally mislead for someone else’s needs, you would feel offended on their behalf, won't you? besides, it’s not like chris is a big fan of ryan’s mom either. but at the same time, he’d be more mild and understanding about ryan’s grandparents, bc they low-key remind him of his own parents, and like travis, he tends to come up with excuses for them. anyways, sorry tangled! as for bobby and ryan’s dynamic, i actually feel like out of 3 brothers, bobby is naturally sadistic, even if in a child-like way. but i do think and hc, that he has this 'odd' kind of interest for ryan. not romantic or anything, but more of lines when a small, cruel kid sees a wounded mouse and decides to see what he can do with it, simply bc it cannot run away and prob will die, anyway. so their interaction won’t be adorable, but i love your take on it, haha. in a lighter themes fic, this surely has a place! in GP, tho it’s more of horror and ‘bad’ progression. 

with this being said, i don’t hate any of the hacketts, not even constance. it takes a lot for me to downright hate characters. i also cannot hate characters, who are effective in the story, which chris’s family is. we as a player walk in their home, we see them interacting with one another, and we can see why chris and travis are the way they are. the message about the family sticking for each other isn't bad on paper, it's really aren't. but it depends on what sort of family it is. what kind of dynamic it has. and what we see paints a picture of a very unhealthy co-dependance between all of the hacketts. but it runs so deep, that neither travis nor chris seem to think that anything was wrong. or rather, that there was messed up stuff, and smth didn't felt right / nice, but it's all okay, bc this is just how family are, right? as even in the end, travis was like ‘we never wanted to hurt anyone’, when constance and jed, clearly gave zero shits about murdering and burying people as long as it kept their family safe. and it’s not the intent and motive itself that is chilling or twisted, it’s the way, both jed and constance talk and behave about it. like it’s nothing. and it’s kinda different to travis’s stoic and shell-shocked behaviour, to how he nearly numb to it, bc it’s too much. or to chris’s nervous, skittish guilt, that doesn’t stop him from doing those things, but clearly makes him feel disgusted with himself. jed and constance have none of those things lol.

either way, out of all the main characters, only laura had a chance to get ‘close’ to the hacketts and kinda explore their broken family in a more personal way. and i kinda really wanted ryan to do the same. esp bc is this also raises a question of how ‘better’ hackett brothers would have been, if their parents just idk, died. and i feel like, that in a scenario, where chris’s kids are still alive, things could have been somewhat ‘chill’. at least as far as it possible. but with them gone, well….yeah. i always felt like kaylee and caleb were kinda the glue, that held both travis and chris mental states somewhat together. but in better universe, without hackett patriarch and matriarch, yeah, thing might have gone somewhat well. i do believe, that kyalee and caleb could have made chris and travis be less bitter about things and each other. and ryan being latest addition to the family would get accepted just fine. like, travis cannot even be a bitch about chris having a romantic relationships with ryan, bc he himself prefers younger women lol. 

and no worries! i love your rambles and i ended up rambling myself a lot, haha. and i really love hearing your thoughts tbh. or hear fluff set-ups, bc i actually very bad at fluff myself. i also rarely write smth like that, so it's always interesting to see the what could have been, but in more lighter, cheery tone. thank you for the message, they always make my day better! hope, you have a swell time as well!

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

I just finished Staged 1!! My reactionz (apologies for wall-of-text; I cannae “read more” on mobile);

(tl;dr at the end)

Props for getting me to not despise a Zoom show on sight. Uses the medium really well despite it being, you know, a remnant of the world fuckin ending

Very Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, like the patter/volley, lotta chemistry (goes without saying)

David Tennant using Frost/Nixon as an example to explain who Michael Sheen is to Samuel L. Jackson makes me feel so seen. Maybe it’s an American thing idk

Nina, my beloved… serving cunt as the day is long. Rip to her beleaguered assistant lmao

The celeb cameos weren’t annoying !

Bordered on naval gaze-y but self aware enough (meta!) to skirt the line well

Simon’s sister rules lmao

The exterior shots showing empty Englandland were beautiful and captured a (shitty) moment in time very effectively. And sheep! Pastoral VS city, good stuff

Who the fuck is Michael Sheen?!

I wish David writing the play came up earlier, structurally it felt kinda thrown in the last two episodes, but they’re short so it’s a lot to put in

Michael crying over the old lady possibly dying 🥺 Best unseen character uwu

Welsh is a horrifically ugly language but I appreciate their commitment to the bit

Best ep by far was the 3rd (I think?) one revolving around lying. Fantastically written and all around a tight episode

He is in the naughty corner!!

I’m ignorant af whooooooo is the black actory guy in the 5th (I think?) episode who goes on a run to deal with stress and reads Ulysses twice? Love him. I will follow him into the dark

The Ulysses bit is very haha Bri’ish

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Reference !!!!

The credits gag is *chef’s kiss*

I… don’t like the music. It feels very Kevin Macleod student film stock piano sorry

Also could be my hearing issues but I just couldn’t hear sometimes, at least with the wide shots. Maybe there are subtitles but I wouldn’t know since I watched it completely legally uwu

Editing with fade-to-black annoyed me at first since that’s not how Zoom works but it won me over, very effective theater-y choice. Elevates it a lot along with the way the Brady Bunch boxes move

David and Georgia’s dynamic is adorable and they play well off each other. Not sure if I’ve seen Georgia in anything before (statistically speaking she was prob in Doctor Who lmao) but I really like her as an actress! Very charming

Anna’s not in it as much so can’t say for her acting ability but she was fine idk. She has zero chemistry with David and Georgia but her and Michael seem to have a little bit, just not nearly on the same level as the Tennants. It’s “meta” so not quite sure what that implies irl but her awkwardly leaving Georgia on read was very funny

Idk who Simon is but he’s a good actor! More of a writer? Self effacing and fun

D̵̨̜̓̽͆͘Ḁ̴̪̻̘̗̮̀͛̈̊̅͆ͅM̷̭̒͛̓̔̐͛̉̂̈́̔͘Ë̷̲́̿̅̀̐̆̇̅͋̓̋͂̉ ̴̟̖͉̳͖͕̫̑̌́͂̀͑͐̽̈́̃̃J̶̨̤̞̰̙̻̯͍͖̯̠̝̥̤̿͐̄̂̈̅̎̃̌͊͊̓͠Û̶̢͍͔̱̦̩̬̦͙͖̓̿͘D̶͇̭́̋̓̆͆̋̋͘I̶̞̳͕͖͗̓̓͑̐͆͊͋̂̚͠͝ ̴̧̨͎͖̲̳̼̎̈́̋̐͘Ḑ̸̲̖̟̲͓̝̠͍̤͛͆͐͘E̷̛̻̥͙̯͂͌̌̈͂̒Ņ̷̛̭̦̗͔̝͙̖̆̀̆̌̚ͅC̴̢̬͉͈̉͐̃̀̋̓̓̓̀̚H̵̡̠͕͚̹͑͂̃̉̐̈̾̍̕͠

In the same vein, the button of the cookie jar acting game— yes. All yes

Once again hammering the meta theme but it is interesting to see how David & Michael’s chemistry really does get stronger as the episodes go on. I’m assuming it was filmed in order so a lot of it is the awkwardness of acting on Zoom I think since they had better chemistry in Good Omens 1 imo. They said they became closer friends through it and it shows

Also feels less ‘actor-y’/more comfortable between them as it goes on, which I get is scripted but you can tell the difference, like when a sitcom cast for many years either starts hating each other at the end or becomes inseparable

tl;dr Overall it’s quite cute! Well written, easy watch, lotta subtle funny moments and back and forths. Interesting to see something that feels like a play as a Zoom TV show, it’s unique. Everyone is having a good time and likes each other and it shows. Not sure I’d come back for a rewatch if not for it (apparently) becoming a lot more meta as it goes on and then whiplashing from funnier in season 2 to major bummer in season 3.

It’s fascinating to see a friendship develop in real time, and even aside from that, it’s written and edited concisely. Based on .gifs I’ve seen it looks like season 2 has a lot more of the iconic/memorable moments. Don’t really see the “love story” aspect yet but I guess that comes in time. (And arguing! I’m excited for arguing. Actors love that shit.)

Started season 2 with episode 1 and already like it more with how meta (this no longer sounds like a word) it’s getting. Cool concept and I’m glad it exists

[pinkandgoldensoul]

(Some) F1 drivers as guys I’ve met in high school

: ̗̀➛ Charles Leclerc - the fattest crush of my life. literally would turn red like a traffic light anytime I saw him enter the classroom and choke on my own saliva whenever he said hi to me. Not helpful, since he’s been my historical deskmate. I honestly don’t know how I survived sitting next to such a positive, fun, confident, trustworthy and shamelessly handsome guy. Brown hair, big green eyes either sparkling with childhood mischief or pure innocence, and the most athletic guy I’ve ever seen in real life (he’s a sportsman). Definitely had any girl lying at his feet - and he was extremely aware of it - but only cared about his girlfriend and never bragged about his charm. Humble af despite his family being quite wealthy and him being such a nice person. I’ve involuntarily been his point of reference for anything school-related and he’d blindly trust me, which always made my heart melt. He’s the type of guy you need to send a “let me just screenshot this so that I discuss it with my bff-lawyer before replying” text when you see a notification from him. And he’s also the one you look from afar, contemplating his senseless perfection. “I’m so lucky to live in the same historical and geological era” “I don’t know if I’m worthy of him” kind of vibe.

: ̗̀➛ Carlos Sainz - a unique type of nerd. At the beginning he deliberately ignored me. Then he started slowly talking to me about things he really enjoyed and, seeing I was okay with it, he began showing me books he liked, getting all excited in passionate perorations, lending them to me and demanding I’d give him my piece of mind. Also bought and gifted me for Christmas  the copy of a novel he was reading ‘cause he thought I’d be interested (the weirdest and most awkward gift-receiving experience of my whole life. I’m not doing it again). Really liked to push all my buttons to see my reaction (but I ultimately gave him a lifetime lesson) and had a few banters. Don’t think we were really that compatible, he was too opinionated for me, but most of the times I enjoyed having conversations with him. Friendly jokes and benevolent banters with Charles; he’s been class representative for five years, once together with Max.

: ̗̀➛ Max Verstappen - the lonely, misunderstood genius. Didn’t give a crap about school and spent his free time riding motorbikes and getting hands dirty with engine oil. Everybody knew he was original (he had a lot of other hobbies and interests) and all my teachers always felt challenged by his way of thinking. Not afraid to speak up, at all. We’d never talked in five years, but during the dinner we had with all the professors before our finals, completely drunk, he sat next to me and started asking me things about my life. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, but I think he struggled following the conversation since I had to repeat myself at times (he didn’t even hear a tipsy friend of his calling his name twice. “UH?! What?!”). It’s one of the deepest conversations I’ve had in my life. I think in another life we would’ve been good friends, at least. Elected class representative and we still don’t know how but ngl, it didn’t feel that wrong because we’ve always known he’s got that… plus.

: ̗̀➛ Lewis Hamilton - the dreamer. Not very focused on studying, but chased his dream of becoming a dancer like crazy. He was insanely good - like, national level - and skipped a lot of school days to attend competitions. Pretty energetic, confident, mr brightside; always blasting music through his wireless speaker whenever we got out and vibing. If he knew you had a dream, a passion or a special hobby, he’d push you and encourage you as much as possible. Incredible motivator and coach. S t y l i s h     a s     h e c k . Could rock anything but chose to beat us all every single day. Really good friend of Charles. Actually chatted with everybody, but wasn’t really that close with a lot of people.

: ̗̀➛ Alex Albon - the surprising kid. A mediocre student throughout the years, but actually a math and physics enthusiast and genius. He started to show signs of his abilities only in the last year and a half. The only one actually knowing what he was doing with formulas lmaooo Surely wasted in the type of high school I was in* and he acknowledged making the wrong decision, but he didn’t know back at the time he liked physics that much. One of the most chilled out and laid back people I’ve met, really pleasant to talk to. Would often find ourselves in bad situations and look at each other as to say: “It’s a mess, but nothing I hadn’t expected to happen anyway”. The defeated-but-we-already-knew-when-we-started resigned duo. * we mainly studied humanities. We also had physics and chemistry classes, but there are other types of high school more “science” oriented, which would’ve been way more suitable for his skills. #badchoices

: ̗̀➛ Valtteri Bottas - i haven’t figured him out. Like, he was pretty basic and easy to talk to, but had so many hidden interests. Currently studying aerospace engineering. Part-time cosplayer. His instagram posts have descriptions we’re still trying to decipher. Sometimes perceived as a low-key genius, others acting like a fool. I honestly don’t know what to think of him, he just confused me a lot lol.

: ̗̀➛ Bonus: Mick Schumacher - first love. From another class, but the same high school. A bit reserved at first, but the ultimate sweetheart. Thoughtful, polite, calm, soft-spoken, kind, just- you get it. Awkward hugs, talking on a bench for three hours as a first “date” and arguing about who’s going to pay for breakfast (‘cause I couldn’t accept him being the one to pay, like, we were just friends). That was the first time I felt the need to shower someone with love without caring about being reciprocated, at all. I’ve been in the friendzone - voluntarily - for 3 years only to get to know from a shared friend that he had got together with a girl four months prior but didn’t want/ didn’t know how to tell me. To this day he doesn’t know a thing. Not in love with him anymore, but unknowingly gave me the best thing I’ve ever felt. 

[valeriele3]

˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳

About me

˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳

If you read the first part of my pinned post and looked at my name you will know I go by the name Valerie! （＾∇＾）

IF YOU KNOW ME IRL NO YOU DONT

What’s my age?

I am not comfortable in sharing my age anywhere in the internet! I have never revealed my age online

So just take it as..Not young but not old

What fandoms am I in?

Some of the fandoms I’m in is listed in my pinned post!

Spoiler free?

Nope nope nope. Absolutely not. I will reblog things that contains spoilers. I think it’s usually mild though idk (Except Mystic Messenger. Things I reblog from there contains lots of spoilers ig)

Favorite color?

Purple 💜

Personality?

Definitely very childish for my age..Stubborn, annoying, lazy, and a chatterbox(If we’re close)

Extra: If you talk to me and I take too long to respond that means 1. I’m asleep/offline or 2. I can’t think of a reply (Because I’m socially awkward af)

So if I just end up never replying then please idk change the topic or something? Just send something I can reply to or I’ll end up panicking wondering what to say and might not say/reply anything again if I reply with something stupid or whatever I sincerely apologize

Gender?

Female

Pronouns?

She/her (But I don’t mind if you refer to me as he/him/they/them as that kind of thing isn’t important to me at all)

Sexuality?

Heterosexual

SFW or NSFW?

As it says on my pinned post I only reblog posts I like/love. It’s mostly SFW but there are some past reblogged NSFW.. But if we’re talking about my occasional works it’s all SFW but it’s mostly Yandere or self-aware au’s

GN! Reader, Male reader, or Female reader?

I write for GN! Reader so everyone can read it regardless of what gender they have!

I might mess up sometimes and accidentally put female pronouns though since when I write I usually have a female reader in mind to make it easier for me

But when I reblog other peoples works then it’ll be mostly GN! And Fem! Reader

Do I take requests?

I originally wasn’t taking requests but have opened up to trying it. Please look at my request status to know whether it’s open or not or simply head to my rules in the pinned post

Minors DNI?

I honestly can’t control what you read and do. Even if you’re a minor you know what you’re interacting with, especially with the current age we have rn where kids are literally glued to their phones/iPad/laptop/computer and the internet

Plus it’s quite obvious what you’re getting into when downloading this app as it literally says 17+

Regarding Yandere works/fics..

Please remember that if you encounter a similar experience or know someone that may be in a similar experience do not encourage that behavior. It is extremely unhealthy, toxic, it is obsession not love, and they need help mentally. If you or someone you know is exhibiting these behaviors (ex. stalking, thoughts of killing for someone they “love”, and etc) please contact a professional for help

Want to be moots?

I don’t mind being mutuals and welcome any friendly interaction headed my way ig. As long as you aren’t extremely rude that it’s taking things way too far then we cool

[alyjojo]

Thinking of You - June 🤞 2024 - Pisces

Whole of their energy towards Pisces: 8 Pentacles

This person is a grown child, walking around acting “blind” to how people expect them to act in relationships or any other aspect of life. Extremely childish, no self-awareness. They’ve already done something to hurt you, this Fury can be your feelings 🤬 and they’re simultaneously understanding and confused. You’re so mad at them, sad, disappointed, like “wtf is your problem?” And they’re just walking around with blinders on like “wut 😐”. Might not be firing on all cylinders, ya know? They ARE willing to work for you, your heart, this connection - whatever it takes to *get* you, but I don’t think they have a clue in the world on how to actually *keep* you. Or anyone.

Feelings: Ace of Wands

Very passionate about you. They could confuse passion with love, because I do see them having all of these intense feelings - but none of them are cups, all of them are Wands. They want you to be hot, every day, on their arm, and what comes with that at home. But stability? What’s that? Reliability? Commitment? Mmm…I just don’t see this being the one tbh, they don’t speak the language at all. May not even understand that’s what you want, and if they do, they have NO IDEA how to actually give that to you. You may have already ended it, washed your hands, sick of their shit. Children comes up on your side, you could have children together, or the other story I’m getting is someone around you that sees you fresh out of a serious relationship, maybe even a marriage, and they’re trying to shoot their shot. If that’s the case, no they don’t intend whatsoever on committing, they want to get you naked. Wouldn’t even occur to them.

Intentions: Page of Wands

Page of Wands and The Devil 😑 Bruh. Saying this person is superficial is an understatement. They want one thing and one thing only, you’re looking fine af in that dress or those joggers idk, they want to unwrap you like an orange 🍊 and that’s as far as it’s gone. That’s all they think about and it’s all they want - commitment does not cross this person’s mind. Either they’re really young or just act it. At the bottom I see you pissed off, Fury. If you’ve already had kids with this person or have tried to build something together, makes total sense. Otherwise you can’t stand how they approach you, are they going to wake up?

Actions: 7 Cups rev & The Hierophant rev

Their energy sucks. They don’t have other options, aren’t cheating or entertaining other people - no, they’re not. But they’re not committed to YOU either. Very immature. If you’ve ended the connection they are upset, ornery, petty, mean, willing to do anything to prove a point or get you back because they feel you’re overreacting or not giving them credit. I can see you are, and probably have, and they want to play games, and you’re not at all into that. They want to prove to you “I can chaaange!” Will they? Doesn’t look like it. Or rather, you won’t even give them the chance. This person is like 16 going on whatever, forever, and they can’t even see it. For someone this could be someone at work that feels things…but their job comes first. And if this is a fling that’s all it’s intended to be - on their end.

Messages:

Their side:

- Irresponsible

- I’m not ready for marriage

Your side:

- Children

- Don’t underestimate my potential

Oracles:

Blind 😵

Awkward - Unknown - Vision Problems

Fury 🤬

Offense - Madness - Unpleasantness

Gain 💰

Cultivation - Profit - Conclusion

Possible signs:

Fire 🔥 Sagittarius, Scorpio & Virgo

If you’re dealing with:

Page of Cups, Pisces energy, is one of young flirtation, sweet messages, wholesome intentions. Also a surprise, there’s a fish in this cup, so anything being offered may not be exactly what it seems - or match how it’s presented. Intentions are good, and it’s not a deeply invested emotional energy - more like being loving towards everyone generally. Because you’re a nice person.

Aries - any financial issues or debts are being cleared and things are looking good again - at least on the work/money front

Taurus - no progress & no action, they’ve got their guard up where you’re concerned

Gemini - could be this person, if you’ve waited on them to “grow up” or commit - they won’t

Cancer - isn’t coming back around - like ever 💁🏻‍♂️

Leo - really exciting and positive news on the work front, some may be being promoted

Virgo - feels like they have to defend their family - against you, for you, you’re part of that or they’re part of yours - all subjective

Libra - not making the first move and neither are you - it’s a stalemate

Scorpio - something they say or do will reveal their actual character or their intentions, or they’re flat out telling you what they are

Sagittarius - letting things go so they don’t have to let you go, or letting you go and hanging onto other things, or just doesn’t want you to go 🙋🏿‍♀️

Capricorn - aware there’s unfinished business, or you are, but neither are addressing it this month

Aquarius - new love potential but they’re unreliable and don’t really think anything through, or that’s you, one of you leaves the other one feeling like it’s not gonna work

Pisces - time will heal these intense and heavy emotions, and for some this is a karmic situation or relationship, with a lesson attached

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Okay, not exaggerating, this might be one of my favourite one shots EVER!! 😍😍😍😍

I was pissing myself laughing at every part of it. It's SO funny, and SO real and perfect!! Add to that a love scene that is hot and fluffy AF, and you just have an absolutely incredible fic!! I will be rereading this one over and over again, I promise you that!!

Spoilers and much gushing and cackling below:

Living with two boys can grow exhausting, honestly, so Y/N has decided to spend her alone time doing a bunch of girly shit she can’t do with Tweedledee and Tweedledum around – at least not without enduring some judgmental looks.

*snicker* I can just imagine! 😜

Regardless, the mention of some self-love reminds her of her third to-do item on her list: sex. Well, technically masturbating to Ryan Gosling’s pictures. Maybe even Andrew Garfield, Sebastian Stan, that hot dude Jackson from Grey’s Anatomy… Leo in his prime. Brad Pitt – young and old. Seth Rogen… Whoa! Don’t judge, okay? It’s not all about looks. She loves when a guy can make her laugh, and his laugh is so sweet, deep, and… bear-y, alright?

OMG!!! I am absolutely cackling over this!! Seth Rogen is a no for me, but I get the whole, funny = devastatingly attractive thing. Cause Andy Sandberg isn't the MOST traditionally handsome guy, but that guy could have me in a second!! Ditto Seth Meyers, Jon Stewart, and Craig Ferguson. Craig's gorgeous Scottish accent doesn't hurt either!

Yep, Dean fucking Winchester – God of all Gods, monster hunter extraordinaire, hero of all innocent damsels, and idiotic clown of all clowns, shamelessly stole her heart since… well, pretty much the minute they met and she first laid eyes on him.

Same girl. Same. 🫠🫠

Having the girls constantly locked up in bra prison is no way to go through life.

Bra prison?!!

“Fuck no! I don’t wanna watch a movie about dirt,” the older brother whines, his plump lips shaping into a pout.

Seriously I'm going to bust a rib reading this fic!! 😆😆😆

“Yes, you’re obviously the golden standard for healthy relationships,” Sam mutters sarcastically and rolls his eyes back.

Omg!! The boys banter in this scene is killing me!! I just want to squeeze them!! 😁

With that, the youngest Winchester closes the door behind him, leaving Dean to ruminate in his convoluted misery.

Oh no!! That was the door she heard slam - ah, sweetie, there's one Winchester left behind!! 😬😬

*Waits in delicious anticipation of the naked encounter!*

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…,” Y/N’s panicked voice chimes in his ears as both of them awkwardly avert their gazes in different directions to the ceiling and avoid eye contact at all costs while still clinging tightly onto each other, aware that if one of them moves, it’s game over and they’d see each other in their full glory.

Bahahahahahaha!!!! This was just as perfect as I knew it would be. 😆😆😆 These two poor, awkward babies! 😆

Judging by the precise feeling that’s poking him, she must be somewhat cold.

Yes... it's the cold...and not your body crushed up against hers. This idiot! 😄😍

“Y/N, please… All that angry shaking isn’t helping, sweetheart.”

“Again – I’m so, so sorry,” he apologizes once more, although he’s sure he can’t do it often enough. His dick is an escaped zoo animal and clearly on the prowl tonight.

I literally choked on saliva reading this!! 🤣🤣🤣

What the hell is he fucking doing? There’s only one rule in the bunker: don’t sexually harass Y/N.

"Don't sexually harass Y/N." 😆😆😆 Love him reminding himself of this VERY simple rule. 🤣🤣 Poor baby! Just breaking all the rules!!

Dean’s hands then begin to travel, his confidence growing as Y/N’s fingers tug slightly on the short strands of hair in the nape of his neck, trying to draw him closer. One large hand cups her neck, the other one smoothing down her spine and pressing into the small of her back. He pushes her closer, deepens the kiss, and both of them moan needily while their tongues dance with each other.

She confirms it with a nod, and Dean adjusts his grip on her body, grabbing her a little tighter before bolting down the bunker hallway like a little kid on Christmas morning. The huntress squeals and giggles in his arms as he kicks the door open to his bedroom, gently laying her down on the mattress. She lets herself fall back and stretches out on the bed, her shoulder blades indenting the memory foam, and he hopes the thing does as advertised and fucking remembers her forever.

This entire passage is the cutest, sweetest, sexiest thing EVER! That last sentence just made me swoon!! 😍🫠😍🫠😍🫠

“God, you feel like heaven,” she whimpers and wraps her arms around his neck.

Amen!! 🥵🥵🥵

“Wha-!” Y/N jolts up from the bed at the unexpected intrusion, her elbow hitting Dean straight in the face as he rises behind her. The force of the blow knocks him out of bed, the hunter tumbling to the cold ground.

Of course it does!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

“Oh God, what have I done…,” Sam groans with a thick swallow.

You've done the Lord's work, Sammy!! 😁

Seriously Wayne - this was absoute GOLD!! Thank you so much for giving me so much entertainment and amusement!!

Perfection, my friend - perfection!!

Love On The Brain

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Summary: Dean and Y/N – hunting partners, bunker roommates & idiots in love. Sam is fed up with their constant “will they/won’t they” bullshit and decides to move things along with his own plan until these two fated lovers’ paths finally cross one night – naked.

Warnings: +18, smut (mentions of masturbation f & m, oral f, fingering, p in v), crack of the adorkable kind, nudity, mutual pining, friends to lovers, fluff

Word Count: 6.1k

A/N: Happy V-Day, babes! 💖 The V stands for… Welp, you know me well enough by now to know where I’m going with this 😝 This is a lot of moronic crack mixed with some sweet smut and fluff. We all know how much I love the “idiots in love” trope, and I fully dove into this one. So, grab your glass of favorite liquor & let’s settle in, shall we? ❤️😘 Written for a request by @imagine-all-the-fandoms after making some adjustments. Found Rihanna’s Love on the Brain fitting for this one, so that’s what we went with as a general mood. Hope you enjoy, m’ladies! 🖤

Feedback is highly appreciated! Get me drunk on it and fill my writer’s juice 🤓🥃

Main Masterlist | Dean Winchster Masterlist

Freedom! Thank fucking God…

Y/N exhales a blissful sigh as she saunters to the Dean Cave with a bag of still-hot microwave popcorn in her arms. The Winchester brothers have decided on a little overnight road trip to the next, bigger town over to see a movie – and for some brotherly bonding or whatever – which means Y/N can finally enjoy some goddamn alone time in the bunker. Not that she doesn’t love Sam and Dean to bits and pieces, especially the latter one. They are like family to her, the only one she’s ever truly known, but even family can grow exhausting sometimes.

Keep reading

[foggyparadisecandy]

lol. In therapy this week, I told my therapist about my new friend who told me out of the blue that she really loved being a good girl for strong daddy types.

Me: But how do I attract this? We didn’t connect over kink!

Her: Foggy, you put out nurturing daddy energy. People with trauma are attracted to people with trauma. You give off big dad energy. Your core personality is “I will care for you and love you and lift you up” and that has huge appeal for women who were neglected or abused and looking for their dad’s love.

Me: NGL that is both oddly satisfying and somewhat … disconcerting. Like I can’t turn it off? I wasn’t aware I do it.

Her: As you continue to work on your own self-esteem and healing your inner child, you will start to put out less of those vibes. You’re doing ok. Keep going, Foggy. I’m proud of you for seeing it and choosing your behaviors. It’s going to take time. Be patient and kind with yourself and recognize your progress.

Odd stuff, isn’t it?

It reminds me of “we get back what we put out there.”

And for people with trauma - childhood or otherwise - we often put stuff out here that we aren’t aware we are putting out.

if you find you keep attracting a certain type of person or relationship, you might want to think all of this through. A lot of us get into cycles of bullshit in life - repeating dysfunctional relationships.

A side concern:

Me: Doc, I *like* putting out daddy energy. I like that part of myself.

Her: And you can still do it from a healthy place as you heal. It will be better for you and any partners as you work through this. Let’s keep going, ok?

Me: Mhm!

Full disclosure: I got caught up with that girl and I daddy dommed her with a bit of hypno and “bossiness.” It was extremely satisfying to scratch that itch - it’s been a hot minute since I let it roll.

I have tried to push it with a few people since … I’ve been struggling. But it has always felt forced and awkward. Except once with my bunny friend. <3

I guess it just feels better and “natural” having a go at it with a friend and not seeking it out explicitly? Does that make sense?

Either way, afterwards, I was upset with myself for doing it because I didn’t *choose* it. We both kept escalating it and … bam … it went off like fireworks.

Sounds fun, right? But … I’m … not … settled yet. It’s infuriating to think I let myself get out of control. It sounds like a fucking cop out but … yeah. It just “happened.” Ugh.

The woman is cool af though and we both agreed to not do that again and just be chill because she has her own stuff she’s dealing with and she also prefers to not go down that road atm. Sigh. I have to keep working on it. So tiring and frustrating at times.

Progress is being made. Ig I’m evolving. Lol

[pastelcryptid]

something that I’ve personally not seen other people talk about exactly before re: Nope (despite talking in general about neurodivergency in the characters, some offhand jokes about being gender non-conforming) is that

as someone who loves a lot of action movies, save-the-world movies I am very aware on some level when I watch those films  (I mean, movies in general are like this but especially those genres) that they are taken up by (white, cis, straight) men. And as much as I might love those movies and the characters and the tropes, there is a fatigue that comes with experiencing such a high percentage of films where the cast is dominated by men. Sometimes there might be only one woman in the main cast, and you’re lucky if she’s treated well (this is obviously improving slowly), to say nothing of NB people. However, I noticed at some point that, huh, Nope is still a majority male cast. Yet I don’t feel that fatigue when I watch the movie. Why? 

Of what I consider to be the key players, four are men  - OJ, Angel, Jupe/Ricky and Antlers. Even with Otis Sr., who has about 3 minutes of screen time, he is a figure that looms large over the story. He established the ranch, its reputation (that in itself inspired by his great-great grandfather).

Apart from Emerald (appropriately named as she is a fucking gem) there are only a few female speaking parts in the film and they get a handful of lines. I would say that the most important women in the film aside from Em, in terms of how they fit into the themes of the movie, are Amber Park and Mary Jo Elliott. Amber has doesn’t have a huge part, and then she dies horribly. You could say Mary Jo also doesn’t have many lines but actually, when I was writing this I realised... Mary Jo doesn’t have any. The only time we hear her speak is when she’s saying Haley’s lines, the rest is barely intelligible begging as she’s brutalised. Adult Mary Jo never says a word, and then she also dies horribly. She never gets to speak for herself, Jupe takes all the attention, and she is consumed. This obviously fits into the whole thing, and I feel like you could write a tonne about Mary Jo alone, but this isn’t what I came to talk about exactly.

so, if it’s so male-heavy, why does it almost not feel that way? I think one of the most interesting things about this film, and something I love about it, is that it has such varied, interesting portrayals  of masculinity. Even in their mildly problematic to incredibly reprehensible moments, the men in this movie do not feel like cookie cutter sticks of bravado. The same ones we have been exposed to decade after decade, especially in Westerns.

firstly, you have OJ. I’m not saying anything new in talking about the fact that he is very spectrum-coded. He dislikes eye contact, finds it hard to pick up on social cues, he comes across as awkward or blunt to those who don’t know him well, likes his routine, and prefers to spend his time alone, working with the horses. He’s also speaks very little, in fact as a side bar, I would say Daniel Kaluuya has made quiet characters into an art form. He has played many roles that are not loud, or overly talkative, and yet they all feel incredibly distinct from one another.

I also find it important to note that another very good post by tumblr user @soupbi​ pointed out that, while I consider the autistic tones to OJ’s personality to be undeniable, there is a history of Black men having to avoid eye contact with white people in order to protect themselves from racist abuse/murder. I’d say this definitely factors in during the commercial shoot, particularly given Bonnie’s reaction to his name and everyone’s general rudeness to him that can’t be handwaved as general “well everyone in LA is rude af”. OJ’s Blackness is also relevant because his presence is not just another example of white masculinity and heroism. OJ is a hero, but he is allowed to be one not in spite of his lack of - for a better term - conformity, but because of it. His family’s place in film history is intertwined with Black history. His knowledge, his care, his skill, his love, his reluctance to Look, are all things that help to figure out how to deal with Jean Jacket, and keep his sister safe. And despite his difficulty relating to others, he accepts Angel pretty easily despite the fact that Angel has incredibly contrasting traits.

So then you have Angel. Again, not another white dude. I think if he had been played by one, he would’ve been danger of coming off a bit creepy/incel. Angel does have some tendencies that are more in line with what you might expect from a typical tech/conspiracy guy in these movies - griping about his ex-girlfriend in the beginning, referencing the whole “probes up our asses” obsession that so many people seem to have with UFOs (that I have always felt comes from a similar place of fear to prison rape jokes because... why is that such a common thread in invasion stories/theories?), and apparently he mines cryptocurrency based on something he has in his apartment?? I don’t know shit about mining crypto and I don’t want to, but anyway.

All this to say, when you get down to it Angel is a socially awkward guy with a lot of fear played with incredible depth by Brandon Perea (we all know how much the movie got edited to accommodate his revamped character). A lot of scenes in the movie involve him being visibly and verbally scared. Incidentally, maybe the line of his I find most charming is when he goes off about forgetting to do the feed for Antlers’ camera because he was busy rigging the sky dancers and then says “Sorry. I’m scared.” Taking responsibility for his outburst, admitting his fear. And while he isn’t exactly avoiding attention, he is one of the characters that seems most disparaging of fame. Most explicitly in the dinner scene near the end where he essentially says, “we’re doing this for more than just fame, right? We’re doing it to help people?” He is also visibly more disturbed by Antlers death than him potentially sabotaging their efforts to film. He takes OJ and Em in very easily despite his tinyass apartment. He’s an emotional, fearful guy. But he’s also allowed to be smart, loyal, and ultimately indispensable.

So then you have Jupe. I’ve seen it stated that Jesse Plemons was actually Jordan’s first choice for this role, but had scheduling conflicts. I don’t know at what point in the negotiations it was established he couldn’t participate, but I feel as though this makes a lot of sense when you look at the way Jupe is written and his background. If only because Jordan addresses the role that race plays in all his movies, and yet I feel as though Jupe’s identity as a Korean-American is not addressed as heavily as you’d expect - especially in a story that’s about fame, conformity, fetishisation and the consumption of other people’s trauma and personal lives. There are references, obviously, but it makes a lot of sense if you imagine it was written for a white man.

That being said, I think this works very well in a way that may not have been 100% intentional. For starters, Ricky isn’t even known by his name, he’s goes by the name of his most famous character in an attempt to hold onto the fame he achieved through Kid Sheriff. We know very little about Ricky Park as a person, and it seems as though there is a black hole between Gordy’s Home and Jupiter’s Claim. I’m kind of reminded of Ke Huy Quan and how after Indiana Jones and The Goonies he spent decades largely off-camera (and at one time used a different name because of racism) until Crazy Rich Asians inspired him to return to acting, as he didn’t think there was place for him (I recommend listening to his episode on the podcast Feeling Seen).

When you take into account Jupe’s presence on the sitcom, I know there are American shows like Diff’rent Strokes and Webster which involved white families adopting Black children and that was a key element of the show (I’m English and I’ve never seen those shows come up on British channels let alone watched them, but I looked them both up on Youtube and I noticed the living room in Webster looks very similar to the one in Gordy’s Home). So you have the complexities of that at play. I don’t know enough about this and I don’t think it’s my place to really go into it, but suffice to say you have that as a complex element in Ricky’s background. He’s mostly known for token roles and he’s had to play up to them to stay relevant. A once famous dude having unresolved trauma and a desire for  - or need for recognition through - the spotlight which eventually costs him and/or others is not new.

But I think there’s something very different about the way Steven Yeun manifests that, and manages to keep it grounded and even charming. In at least fan reaction to Ricky, it’s a pretty consistent response that we are disgusted by the way he treats the Haywoods and gets everyone at the Star Lasso Experience (including his wife and children) killed and yet we are also fascinated and even endeared to him. He’s not the guy punching holes in the wall, or refusing to open up to his wife, or going around stabbing people to death. He’s an Icarus, and we see his vulnerability. We were under the dinner table with him, we were there when he was alone with his wife, and we were with him as he stared into Jean Jacket and knew he was about to die. This isn’t meant to be a defense of his actions, obviously, just an observation about how he is presented as a man, especially one who literally cosplays as a cowboy (while he feeds the horses of the real cowboys to a flying saucer).

And then finally, you have Antlers. Antlers is the character I feel I least sympathise with and least understand, which is a personal thing (I’ll be interested to see what the Bluray special features affect this actually), but I think is also tied to the fact that he is what you would expect the most, historically, from a film like this. He is an old white guy. He’s sort of the old guard of cinema, and he’s very stoic, selfish, and keeps his cards close to his chest. Not to mention he has such a typically “Western” accent it took all 5 of my watches at the cinema to parse all of his lines. On paper he is the picture of traditional masculinity… except he’s actually not the picture of traditional masculinity. In every scene, he’s either wearing a dress or a skirt of some kind, and the bracelet on his wrist even goes against what you would consider traditional masculine jewellery. If he was a young man, the dress code might almost be read as a piss-take of “quirky” young filmmakers and thereby making a derogatory statement re: AMAB people who wear gender non confirming clothes. But this is a much older man who is clearly making a choice of expression and comfort. It’s not extravagant – in fact on my first watch I didn’t even realise Antlers was wearing a skirt.

All this to say, it’s incredibly interesting to have such diversity in storytelling and representation of gender through it, and that it doesn’t always come down to “there should be more women in this.”

Anyway guys did you notice there’s a big cloud mural on the wall in the Fry’s store? This movie is batshit

[adastra-rising]

Adding Onto this, I’m thinking of working on this as an AU/fanfic. I’ve drawn a concept sketch for the kid, (unfortunately, I don’t really like it) her name is Marcee Mayvelle (Aliteration!) and she’s like 9. If she was ever officially adopted, she’d take on the name Mayvelle Tsurugi. (Because I refuse to believe Felix would pass on the Fathom surname. That shit DIES with him.)

Name Notes: I chose the name “Marcee” (pronounced like Marcy) because it’s not something I could see Felix or Kagami choosing for their own child. Most Fankids I see for them have fancy rich-kid British names or Japanese names. I think it’s really important for this AU that Marcee is not the kind of kid they would have through normal means. In terms of name, interests, appearance, etc.

The ✨Found Family✨ of it all feels stronger to me if it’s not someone who’s necessarily just like them. What brought them together was not fate but circumstances!

- A victim of child neglect rather than what Felix or Kagami went through. She was never really forced into behaving a specific way or meeting expectations, because her parents were literally not present.

- They stopped driving her to school and everything. So she is a year or so behind in education.

- She pretty much raised herself. Outwardly, she appears immature and naive, but is definitely aware of a lot more than she lets on.

- Ryuko and Argos busted her parents after Argos picked up on Marcee’s negative emotions after her parents got into a fight. They called CPS but Marcee refused to leave Ryuko’s side, eventually the two of them let her stay over their place in Lieu of foster care. The rest is history.

- She never really got a chance to do much as a kid and IMMEDIATELY latches onto Kagami’s fencing (“While you were having a normal childhood, I WAS STUDYING THE BLADE.”) and becomes obsessed with it.

F: Is it reasonable to give a 9 year old a sword?

K: Yes. I got one when I was 7.

- The entire reason why she got so attached to Ryuko was the cool looking sword. “The cool sword lady will protect me, I am safe.” (Kagami is not used to being admired like this, by anyone other than Felix)

M: I LOVE COOL SWORD LADIES!!!

F: Understandable, I also love cool sword ladies.

- Marcee’s initial impression of Argos is a bit more… mixed, at first she thinks his eyes are a little bit scary but then she realizes that if she gets the scary bird man to like her, nobody will hurt her because the scary bird man will scare the bad people away. (11/10 logic. Her plan is successful!)

- Then she realizes that Felix is kind of a loser and that’s when she really comes to like him. She thinks he’s awkward af but super funny because of it.

- Rather than being known as an adopted daughter, Marcee is technically just Kagami’s fencing protege. (This is also what Kagami tells herself when she starts to get attached: “She’s just my student I won’t get attached. I will not get attached. I won’t.”)

- She’s not good at fencing but she’s got the spirit! After a few years, her efforts do pay off and by the time she’s a teenager she’s pretty much kicking everyone’s ass because Marcee was really persistent and Kagami never gave up on her!

- Marcee is a little bit of an IPAD kid but can you blame her? She had nowhere to go as a kid (sorta like Adrien) and had to make her own fun.

- She has an emotional dependence on Roblox and Minecraft Pocket Edition and knew she had found her family when Felix (in an attempt to show that he cares about her interests, because his father never cared about his) downloads her favorite games and tries to make her a Minecraft House. It was literally just a square made out of dirt.

- (In which a Minecraft house made of dirt is symbolic of letting a lonely abused kid know they are safe and at home!)

- Duusu and Longg realize she’s here to stay way before Kagami or Felix do. They’re both in denial, meanwhile Duusu and Longg are just like “yeah hell nahhh”

- Duusu and Marcee cannot be left alone in a room together or else someone might die. Chaotic ass duo. Longg is usually the one to babysit the two of them.

Feligami Brainrot at 6:30 am (Have not Slept)

Whenever I see art/descriptions of adult/married Feligami, they are either happily childless or have like three kids.

Generally speaking, I think it’s more canon compliant for them to not give a crap about having a nuclear family, and just focus on spending time together.

But I also want to suggest:

✨Found Family Feligami✨

Like to me the only way I could EVER see them starting a family is if they were out on patrol one day as Argos and Ryuko, and just randomly found a lost, scared, ab*sed kid and sorta just claimed them? Probably like an older kid too, at least 6. And they’d never have any other kids it would just be the one.

Like at first they just wanted to get the kid out of their toxic household and neither intended to get attached, but they totally do. Now it’s too late and suddenly they’re parents. Like the kid prolly doesn’t address them as mom or dad but they’re totally family now!

Meanwhile the kid, who’s prolly never felt safe at home, is finally able to sleep peacefully at night because they know if anyone tried to hurt them, both of their new guardians are superheroes! And even without powers, Kagami would prolly still manage to beat the crap outta anyone who came near them! Truly, there is no safer place!

I feel like both Felix and Kagami would struggle to adjust, but they’re both trying really hard! Felix especially is prolly a very…. Awkward parent in the sense that he is just. PROFOUNDLY ANXIOUS. All of the time. Bro wants the kid to be happy but doesn’t exactly have any normal childhood memories to use as reference and tries to connect with the kid using the stuff he grew up with, and quickly realizes the shit he was interested as a kid are not common at all.

“Would you, uhm, like to play a round of chess?”

“No, but I’d love to play monopoly jr: Disney edition!!”

“?????”

Meanwhile Kagami doesn’t register that they’re starting to act like a family, that she truly wants to protect this kid, and tries to convince herself they are merely a roommate or guest until Marinette shows up one day and haphazardly comments that Kagami is such a kind and considerate parent and she’s just like?????

[coolest-in-chaldea]

hello! im quite excited for this blog fate fic blogs are quite hard to find may i have some headcanons of merlin realizing he has fallen in love and what a relationship would be like hopefully thats okay good luck with the blog!

Merlin Realizing He’s In Love Headcanons

note: hi! thanks so much for being the first request ever sent in!! Sorry this took so long to get to, I’ve been swamped with school and grinding on f/go for daysssss, 90 saint quartz but no 4 or 5 stars 😔💔 also I finally got on my laptop so anon is an option now for anyone wanting to request :D

- Merlin’s vast knowledge of pretty much everything happening at any given time is a little scary, so I don’t think he’s really the type to be dense. I think he’s more likely to pace around and talk to himself for a day or so while ‘deducing’ that his racing heart and flushed face are in fact indicative of falling in love. He’s not super serious like some of the other genius servants, he’s more-so just really awkward at handling social situations since he spent most of his life pretty isolated in his tower.

- Meanwhile, everyone else in chaldea are holding their breaths because the lack of Merlin shenanigans is starting to get suspicious..you and the Camelot servants especially are going ‘awww shit here we go again’ as you anticipate an elaborate scheme to come.

- Merlin definitely isn’t insecure, but I don’t think he’d have any plans of confessing at first because he’s never seriously imagined himself in a relationship. He’s perceptive enough to know that he likes you, but he doesn’t see any significance to it until it starts to get distracting!

- When he eventually starts interacting with you again, he’s 1000% more of a hassle than he usually is. He’s like that one kid in elementary school who just constantly bothers his crush. It doesn’t take long for you to grow tired of Merlin’s 24/7 bs, and when you finally retire to your room for the night you have a frustrated ‘why me?!’ moment. Tbh you’re just trying to figure out what you could’ve possibly done to prompt Merlin’s wrath, but the knights of the round table are painfully aware of why Merlin’s been constantly targeting you.

- Merlin’s an extremely talented mage, and I’m sure he’d switch around or transform some of your things, but I could also see him pulling some of the classic childhood pranks on you with the assistance of magic.

- You’re having a lovely conversation sitting across from Artoria, but when you get up to leave, you immediately trip and faceplant onto the floor. A very concerned Artoria asks if you’re ill and, trying not to lose your cool, you have to explain to her that SOMEONE apparently tied your shoelaces together with an elaborate series of knots in the shape of a flower. There wasn’t anyone else near you, but you both exchange an exasperated look as you know exactly who the culprit is.

- Merlin's flirting is still totally focused on annoying you and/or pissing you off. what can I say? it's just his favorite hobby! He's the type to believe than any attention from you is good attention, so he's more than happy to provoke you in order to put your focus on him. He's not that awful though, and he sticks to being a general nuisance and causing mild inconveniences as opposed to actually harming anyone. He does care a lot about you if he has feelings for you after all, he just has a...funny way of showing it.

- You will constantly be asking yourself 'is Merlin antagonizing me or flirting with me??' (the answer is both btw)

- If you're shorter than Merlin, he always interrupts your conversations by strolling over and using your head as an armrest. If you aren't, sike yes you are actually because the cheeky wizard is now floating to be taller than you >:)

- Merlin has literally zero chill and I think he'd continue to be chaotic af whether he's just crushing on you or you've been dating for years. He probably does like physical contact and cuddling, but he refuses to initiate it like a normal person. He'll eventually get comfortable enough to where he doesn't have to be affectionate via pranks, but don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that Merlin ever gets calm or discreet about it.

- Any time you're sitting on a couch, chair, the floor, or your bed, regardless of what you're doing, he will just come stand next to you and very dramatically fall on top of you (secretly careful not to hurt you of course) and just chill there sprawled over you in whatever ridiculous position you ended up in. If you adjust him to a more comfortable position (his favorites are sitting with his back to your chest and your arms holding him or vice versa and sitting tucked into your side with one of your arms around him and his around your waist) he'll be more than happy to comply, but how you deal with your beloved needy wizard is up to you!

- Tbh I could see a confession going one of two ways, both extremes on opposite ends of a spectrum with no in between. Either

A.) he never officially confesses, but you get the idea and you both come to an agreement of being exclusive to each other (or having communication as partners if you're polyamorous) as well as comfortably doing everything a couple would, just with an official label OR

B.) He's a total showoff and performs the most absurd, elaborate and extreme confession with magic the world has ever seen. I cannot get the thought of those brilliant wizard pronoun images made by iguanamouth out of my head-

I'm imagining THIS but it's a confession like those 'will you be my date to prom?' signs people make 😳

[gun-powder-milk-shake]

me and my mom are planning to ask my psychiatrist for a full psych evaluation and advice on how to get an autism diagnosis and it’s crazy how many things i’ve been describing to people that i never realized were apart of autism:

————————

sensory overload:

- i have an insane sensitivity to sound something that i’ve been trying to explain to people (including about 7 therapists) for years. i can feel it in my brain like in my ear IN my brain. it physically pains me and i’ve literally dropped to my knees in the middle of a school tour because i heard a random ass scraping noise. i also cannot stand pencils for one thing, the feeling of it hitting the paper is unbearable. i physically cringe everytime i see one being used and especially using one myself. istg my younger brother purposely tries to set me off and that gets me angry as fuck. this usually ends in me just screaming at the top of my fucking lungs (no words just screaming) and at times becoming physical. it’s just literally my brain doing anything possible to get rid of the sound

————————

masking:

- i’m still trying to find out the definition of this but i literally just talked to my therapist about this the other day. i had to permanently move from in person to online school mainly because of sensory overload but because i always fucked up socially. i pride myself on being well mannered, polite at all times, wary of other people’s needs, considerate, analyzing facial emotions, but i’m only able to do those things with people i actually know and i’ve learned over the years how to handle those people and myself around them. i never realized that until i got out of the insanely small bubble i was in. i told my therapist that “i can’t help but be myself” and by that i mean i always wanted to change myself into just being more friendly and able to keep up a conversation without being unbearably awkward, but i always fucked up.

- this has resulted in me trying to be aware of everyone around me’s needs and i try not to offend anyone. this usually ends in me breaking down because no matter how hard i try i usually end up failing and “feeling mentally ill af” as i usually call it. this is only really a problem for me with in person situations. online i am more myself and unafraid to do so because online i feel like i don’t need to hide if that makes sense?

————————

stimming:

- YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY AND RELIEVED I WAS WHEN I RESEARCHED MORE ABOUT THIS. i for a stupid amount of time have certain things i do to calm down. these things have been noticed by family friends, my mom especially, friends, and random ass people because of how strange it apparently is. what i usually do is shake my hand in an orderly manner if that makes sense. like i shake it back and forth like a tambourine. i used to do it in the middle of soccer games and that’s when people started to take notice, but now i use it in breakdowns and when my senses are overloaded. i just recently was doing it to calm myself down after a failed social attempt that was thrown at me while walking my dog (my safe space usually)

- i’ve never brought up that method before because i thought it was stupid i suppose and i have a hard time talking to people about something that matters to me without thinking that they don’t fucking care. i’ve been taught for a decade now how to do deep breathing and grounding exercises but nothing compares to that random ass jazz hand i do 🤷🏻‍♀️

————————

mutism (sometimes):

- something i’ve done for a long ass time now (that has gotten me into a lot of fucking trouble btw) is shutting up completely when i’m super fucking stressed. actually sometimes i just don’t feel like talking? i will stop mid sentence, like i run out of juice. even my thoughts get tired of moving, it’s relaxing sometimes. unless it’s almost involuntary, for example me struggling to form anything other than hums and grunts when spoken to. humming is a habit of mine that people point out and associate with me on a daily basis. i just hum out words and sometimes people get what i mean and sometimes they don’t. if they don’t i ignore them entirely because of how fucking pissed i get of having to repeat myself (even tho i have people repeat themselves to me all day because i always drift off)

————————

special interest:

- okay this one was hard to deal with because i always talk nonstop about “you’re just mad you’re not interested in anything! i’m not obsessed it just makes me really happy!”and they may have a point but at the same time fuck off because it makes me happy so leave me alone. i go into like hyper focus on really random shit. for example i’ve had years worth of phases (or current ones): sims 4 (obsessed with the control), minecraft (easy to drift away into), certain musical group (i don’t even know how to explain this one), hot wheels (holy shit i lost my fucking mind over these things growing up), etc. the thing is when i get into something, i get into it. i learn everything about it, i make whole notebooks, i make focused playlists on spotify, i daydream about it for fucking years and lose my sense of reality, etc. it becomes a staple for who i am and i guess i do get a little obsessed? but i really don’t see it that way. it’s just normal for me

————————

twitching (?):

- time for the “this isn’t right but i also don’t know if this is apart of asd?” i’ve read something about tics as some people have describe them? my face and body repetitively twitches hard. it usually starts when i start to get triggered but gets progressively worse as i go more into it. it can be painful at times because i can’t really control it and i knock into things (the anemia already has me knocking into things but this is different lmao)

————————

advice please:

- i really don’t know much about this, but i do know that autism can be genetic (i’m still researching) and both of my brothers (21 and 10) have been diagnosed with autism and it’s never really been considered for me? i have been diagnosed with all the same mental disorders as my older brother, we’re very similar when it comes to how we perform as human beings, but nobody has bothered to check with me. they usually just try to add another mood disorder, ocd, or bpd to my list.

- i’ve actually been told i display ocd tendencies by my psychiatrist and looking back at it i think it was just repetitive movements and intense bursts of energy caused from me having a breakdown

- i’m going to ask my psychiatrist about what to do and get some advice about where to go from here especially with everything i’ve learned because these basic ass anxiety and grounding coping skills aren’t working anymore and i just need something more, something that is actually helpful for what i’m going through, and i honestly believe that this is it

- please let me know any info you have, i’m researching a lot and am hyper focused on this shit like a mf but i still have some stuff that i don’t know and some paper online isn’t gonna teach that to me