#just a yes or no answer should be fine
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I’m gonna be honest I didn’t realize the new 52 messed with Kon that much till I read your post and now I can’t get over the potential. I’m a Tim/Kon girly at heart so I would devour anything you write exploring the 52 vs typical Kon. Also Time being in a clone sandwich is 👌.
the new-52 messed Kon up SO bad it's ridiculous. like, to the point i would personally argue he's a completely unrelated character to pre-Flashpoint/Rebirth Kon. his personality, his suit, his origin, all different. the only real similarities are the name and powerset. and even New-52!Kon's powers are slightly different from pre-Flashpoint!Kon. New-52!Kon is a clone of a future version of Jon Lane Kent, cloned by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to provide genetic material to Jon Lane Kent, whose body was not handling being half human/half Kryptonian well, it was a whole thing. New-52!Kon is also where we get the infamous "Kon-El means 'abomination of the house of El' and Kara basically named him a slur in Kryptonian culture" tidbit, because that is the only time that's canon. (originally Kon-El was a name gifted by Clark to accept Kon as his family way back in the 90s) he also never went by Conner Kent. New-52!Kon just straight up didn't have any real human identity or connections, outside of being very close to Tim and some Titans.
the very TLDR of Kon's history is: during post-Crisis/pre-Flashpoint, a clone called Superboy is created by CADMUS. at first, he's considered to be a clone of a dude named Paul Westfield and is not Kryptonian whatsoever, he was simply made to look like Superman and only has Tactile Telekinesis as a power. then, it was made canon that actually he was a clone of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but Lex hid this fact and slowly, Kon developed more Kryptonian powers. he's given the name Kon-El by Clark, and is taken in by the Kents, getting the name Conner Kent. then Flashpoint happens, we get the New-52, and we're given the above version of Kon-El, who is a clone of Jon Lane Kent, created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. who has mostly very strong telekinesis powers and some Kryptonian powers. he's with the Titans for a bit, then at the end of the New-52, he kills some aliens and feels bad about it so he decides to fuck off and is never seen again, it's presumed he's dead but never confirmed. then Rebirth happens and DC makes Jon Kent the current Superboy, we get Supersons and all that, and it's assumed that no version of Kon-El exists. just at all. he's not around whatsoever, Jon is our only Superboy. *but* in 2019, we get a new Young Justice run and the pre-Flashpoint Kon-El is back, and we're given the explanation of: Kon got accidentally teleported to this alternate realm called Gemworld and then Flashpoint happened, and since that was a Crisis Event that changed the timeline, the poor lad got *erased* from the timeline, causing most people to *not fucking remember him* and for him to remember a timeline that no longer exists. some of the Young Justice team vaguely remember him, Ma and Pa Kent remember him, but notably, Clark *does not remember him*. it's not an issue of "Clark ignored Kon in favor of Jon" it's an issue of "Kon was erased from the timeline and didn't exist for years bc he was stuck in Gemworld and Clark just doesn't remember Kon or Kon's timeline" which to me, is far more tragic but i digress. since then, Kon has been back and is present in most significant Superfamily runs, with his own recent mini-series, Superboy: Man of Tomorrow. (which was very good btw)
so basically: the New-52 fucked Kon up so bad they wrote him out of comics for years and then brought back the pre-Flashpoint version, but never *explicitly* killed the New-52 version off. so hypothetically, it's possible that there are currently two characters existing in the DC universe named Kon-El who have been Superboy. and like i said above, one of New-52!Kon's only real significant relationships was with Tim, it was the only thing the New-52 managed to get right about Superboy, his closeness to Tim. they have a *lot* of moments that read incredibly queer. and ofc, it's just outright confirmed in Dark Crisis: Young Justice that Tim had a crush on pre-Flashpoint!Kon at some point. so while comics are intent on pretending New-52!Kon doesn't exist, i am intent on putting Tim in a clone sandwich.
because i do think it's fun to play with Tim having genuine feelings and potentially a relationship with both of them. and the fucked up nature of him not fully *remembering* his relationship with pre-Flashpoint!Kon (which is a canon thing, in YJ(2019) Tim has vague memories of Kon he's struggling to piece together and understand why he cares about this guy he doesn't recognize so much) and how frustrating that is for Tim. he knows he loves Kon, but it's all foggy besides that. and so it's even *more* fucked up if Tim dated New-52!Kon before he got emo and ran off into the unknown. obviously in canon no one has told current Kon about New-52!Kon bc comics are doing the good ol' tried and true of "sweep that shit under the rug" but for fanfic, i think it's fun to ask the question of: would anyone *tell* Kon? especially Tim? who now remembers dating both versions of them? would he admit to Kon that briefly, he had another Kon? how would Tim cope with that and move on? personality wise, they could not be more different. they dress and act and look different. they're not the same person, but there's certainly a questionable factor of Tim's dating history including two Kon-Els.
the idea i've had for a while is Tim slowly starting to date pre-Flashpoint!Kon again. it feels familiar and like home. and Tim has grieved and accepted that wherever New-52!Kon is, he doesn't want to come home, he didn't love TIm enough to stay and try. so Tim takes the Kon he has, and genuinely has a happy relationship. like for once, life is good and things almost make sense for Tim. but then, of course, New-52!Kon comes back. he decides he wants to try again and he finds Tim. only to find well. he's been replaced. and technically, he's been replaced with the *original* that he didn't even know *existed*. and if being a clone is bad enough, that just makes it a hundred times worse. because imagine knowing you're actually the second Kon-El your boyfriend who you never *technically* broke up with fell in love with. that's gotta give you some kind of complex.
so i think it's fun if both Kons try to step back and let the other Kon date Tim. both of them have reasons to feel like the "replacement" or "fake" Kon, and it makes them incredibly awkward with each other. do they count as the same person? bc they definitely don't *feel* like the same person to each other, but with weird timeline stuff, who can really say. them settling on an awkward throuple that's really meant to be Tim just dating them both but somehow they end up dating each other too is so fun for me. they both feel like imposters to the Superboy name but are so deeply in love with Tim Drake, it's the one thing truly connecting them. and then of course, Tim feels bad in that somehow, he's betraying both of them for having feelings for the other. but they make it work, with a lot of awkward angst and miscommunication. i just think it'd be fun. very difficult to write to get all the weird timeline nuances down in a way that's understandable in a fanfic (bc you can't just. infodump like i did on this post) but doable. also difficult to tag, because even though i argue these are two different characters, i'm pretty sure Ao3 groups them under the same character tag. so it'd be difficult to convey it's not *really* as selfcest-y as it would imply. comics, man. DC will never acknowledge New-52!Kon again, and he's admittedly a terrible adaptation of Kon-El, but. i think he was sort of neat in his own right and i'd *love* for DC to just inexplicably bring him back and make the current Kon deal with the consequences of all that. and them make Tim kiss them both. obviously.
#necrotic answerings#timkon#how do I tag this ship i'm so serious#kontimkon#I fucking *guess*?#also just plain Kon/Kon could be neat as well#I don't view it as selfcest. but like. I understand if ppl do#also if I got some details wrong i'm so sorry#I was tipsy writing this.#new-52!Kon you were a disaster child but come back from the war I miss you.#i'd need to reread the new-52 superboy and teen titans run to write this#just to be sure I've got a solid grasp on his character#pre-flashpoint!Kon I understand just fine he's my son I've read most of his content#new-52!Kon. eeeeeh. i've read it. years ago. and I'm not even sure if I actually read it all through or just bits and pieces#I hated him when he existed be like. he fucked up Kon so bad we fucking lost Kon for a couple years#but in hindsight. he had potential.#also if you want another bizarre fun fact about the new-52#Tim was never Robin in the new-52. he went straight to being Red Robin.#also his parents are alive and in witsec. do with that what you will.#weird times.#I guess new-52!Kon could've been erased by rebirth but I don't think he was?? bc characters have recalled his existence so?#hypothetically he *should* exist???#and if he doesn't#*oh well* I do what I want#DC you may not care about the implications of your retcons and reboots but I do. I do.#I want more fandom acknowledgement of Kon getting fucking erased from the timeline and no one remembering him#yes it's fun to make Clark a bad dad#but Kon was forgotten! by almost everyone! that's also fun!#young justice (2019) isn't the *best* comic ever but it's still solid! lots of good Kon whump I tell you.#he was fucking going *through* it that run I tell you. by God.
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Fluent Freshman - Part 11
PREVIOUS
FF could admit that he may not be working with a full tank at the moment.
He had not slept very well the night before.
He had watched a lot of horror movies (a genre that he generally does not consume because his mind is already a scary enough place).
He was not able to go see his Grandma and he was going to miss the traditional(tm) Black Friday extravaganza that he and his Grandma did every Black Friday since he was little and encountered the horrible truth about Santa and she’d let him in on when / where most of his Christmas gifts were obtained. (The answer was not the North Pole under the watchful eye of elves. He had cried himself to sleep at the revelation but Gran always had a way of making the worst moments of his life tolerable.)
He may have eaten just…a bit too much pie?
He definitely ate too much turkey.
His stomach is killing him because he had forgotten to take his pepto when he had slammed that five hour energy.
His heart may actually break out of his rib cage with how hard it’s beating in his chest.
He’s been listening to Andrew and Captain Neil go back and forth for the last hour and a half between discussing Aaron’s recent mess ups, to what they’ll do to one another with a locked door between them and the world, to Andrew complaining that Neil’s hand is sweaty, to Neil saying Yes and Andrew’s hand is no longer in Neil’s and-
He clenches his eyes close.
And Andrew has swerved back into the lane for the third time in the last five minutes while saying something unrepeatable about his plans for Captain Neil and the whipped cream.
FF does not handle swerving cars very well.
He hears Andrew say something that sounds like it could lead to a very uncomfortable yeast infection for Captain Neil didn’t properly rinse off afterwards.
The car swerves over the rumble strip.
A fear far stronger than his fear of what Andrew could do to him overtakes him.
“I don’t like swerving cars. So, I’m going to ask that you focus on the road and keep your hands on the steering wheel.” FF says so panicked that he sounds calm and he watches as both Neil and Andrew stiffen at the sound of his voice. “If you can’t, then I’m going to ask that you pull over and let me out.” He offers a second option and a part of him is just amazed that his voice doesn’t crack even once. “I’m fine with either option.” He says.
He says both are fine but…
Honestly he hopes Andrew chooses the first option as he looks at the dark and lonely highway.
He looks back up at the front seat and both Neil and Andrew are looking straight forward. Andrew’s hands are on the steering wheel.
“Thanks.” He says and returns his attention to back over Aaron’s head.
The rest of the ride to Columbia is blessedly quiet. Aaron and Nicky wake up when they get off of the interstate and Nicky has the good grace to try and wipe the drool out of FF’s hair while Aaron seems unbothered by the wet spot he left of FF’s shoulder.
They get out of the car and they each grab their own bag in exhausted silence. Nicky is barely managing to put one foot in front of the other and before FF can do or say anything Nicky is in his room and has locked his door.
The room that FF had been planning on sleeping on the floor of because Nicky had told him he could so that FF would not drink 20 5-hour energies over the course of the weekend.
But Nicky had looked really tired.
So he is given a general tour by a very quiet Captain Neil and FF forces himself not to think about the cooler that Andrew had brought to, what he assumes is, Andrew’s bedroom before it was brought to the kitchen. He gets shown where the blankets and pillows that Kevin uses are and FF nods in quiet acceptance even knowing that he is going to spend the night going over Katakana flashcards and maybe up his literacy on Kanji to a second grader’s level.
Captain Neil wishes him a good night while Andrew gives him a nod and it is the last time he sees Captain Neil that night.
It is not the last time he sees Andrew.
***
Andrew comes out of his room to go get two glasses of water nearly 2 and a half hours later. The house is silent and dark. He is pretty sure him and Neil are the only two up.
He is wrong.
He comes out into the living room on his way to the kitchen and finds FF going through flashcards at a rapid pace. He walks a little closer to see what it is but the flashcards aren’t even right side up half of the time.
He thinks about the car ride.
‘I don’t like swerving cars.’
FF had said it so matter of factly. He was uncomfortable with the swerving.
Andrew had told FF recently about the words he didn’t like.
It felt like FF was offering at least something of himself back to Andrew for the first time.
Andrew thinks about how once his hands had gone back to the steering wheel FF had leaned back into his seat and stared out the window.
Andrew has at various points tried to look up what FF’s circumstances were but searching news sites for someone named ‘Smith’ with no first name to work off of was an exercise in futility.
Neil has lamented many times to Andrew about his bizarre jealousy over how unknowable Smith is. “He’s learning new languages, keeping a low profile, and playing Exy. It’s everything that I wanted in my freshman year and couldn’t manage because Riko pissed me off so much! It’s just kind of hard to see someone living my dream.” He says.
Andrew had punched him in the arm for that one.
“My old dream!” Neil had said and Andrew almost punched him again for the smile he flashed but had ended up kissing his stupid pretty face instead.
Where was he?
Right.
FF didn’t like swerving cars.
It didn’t necessarily have to be the trauma that lead to that aversion. Andrew certainly hadn’t had anything scare him on a plane but he still hated flying.
Still.
“The flash card is upside down.” He says and watches as FF pauses in his shuffling before righting that card and flipping to the next one which was turned to the side as far as Andrew could tell.
FF should be asleep.
FF is not asleep.
It might be Andrew’s fault that his friend can’t sleep.
“It won’t happen again.” He says and FF turns and stares at him blankly for a few seconds before he nods his acceptance.
It’s nice having a friend who understands what he means without needing to explain every little thing.
***
FF thinks he might have double-dosed on the 5-hour energy.
He also thinks he might currently be able to see through time.
His flashcards are making so much sense right now.
Then Andrew had come up and it truly was a miracle that he did not shit himself considering the sheer amount of apple pie still making its way through his system. That’s a lot of fiber for one body and he’s sure the 2-3 Five Hour energies he has taken are not helping his plight in that regard.
“It won’t happen again.” Is what Andrew says and in an instant FF feels his stomach drop to his feet. He nods blankly and watches as Andrew nods back before the man went to the kitchen and left with two tall glasses of water.
‘It won’t happen again’
FF has asked Andrew for TWO favors today.
TWO WHOLE FAVORS.
WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
The answer was that he WASN’T.
Even if FF had paid back one of those favors with the sheer power of his granny’s pie there was the case of the secondary favor he’d asked for in the car.
‘It won’t happen again’
There won’t be anymore favors for FF. He’d used up any mercy his grandma’s pie had bought him.
He considers the time pulls out his phone and goes through some saved text files on his phone.
It’s time for guns even bigger than his grandma’s apple pie.
He takes another five hour energy and knows that he won’t be sleeping a wink. He looks up groceries stores that are open this early on Black Friday, he grabs his wallet and with immense fear in his heart grabs the keys Aaron had dropped into a bowl by the front entrance.
He needs the ingredients for his great-grandma’s brownies.
Do your civic duty and: CAST YOUR VOTE TODAY ABOUT MEMES
NEXT
Per y’all’s requests:
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As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
#Fluent Freshman AU#FF's logical reasoning has not ever been his strong suit#But it really tanks when he's hitting levels of manic tired#Andrew goes back into the room with the water for him and Neil#Andrew: FF isn't mad about the car thing#Neil: Oh thank god#Neil: Wait did you hear the door just now?#Andrew: No#Neil: Oh okay I'm sure it's fine.#My search history is a nightmare now#Could Neil get a yeast infection? I'm sure the answer is readily available for me#I thought FOOLISHLY#I got like 12 different think pieces on it when I wanted a YES or a NO#Now Amazon wants to sell me creams that I do NOT need#This is what I get for having searched it on my iphone in the google app#I should have waited to get home and search in Firefox#But I (ever the fool) needed my answers now#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#AFTG Shitpost#Andreil#FF - Pt. 11
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i love and agree with every mental illness or neurodivergency or physical disability hc anyone has abt any character btw. ESPECIALLY if they're projecting. unironically more ppl should do it
#i think projecting is fine and fun but you gotta do it knowingly and proudly okay?#otherwise you might enter silly arguments and not understand why the other person's not getting it#we should all ask ourselves ''am i projecting rn?'' and if the answer is yes we should go ''yippee! hooray! this is fun''#ESPECIALLY abt disabilities of any sort. sometimes throwing the ''just like me fr'' ball at a character makes things a little easier#this post was brought to you by: that one guy who keeps posting abt bpd dazai. you're never gonna guess why it does that
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5:30am on a Saturday and the post is up? Unheard of.
#fanfic#fanfiction#nonsense#making shit up#steddie#marauders#saturdaycryingclub#archive of our own#teleportation should exist so we can visit each other#getting no sleep because there’s always something to read#sharing filthy fics like they’re candy#virtual candy#here have some free use Reggie on this fine morning#don’t worry he likes it#regulus black can get it#from everyone apparently#starting with Remus#in no scenario would Remus be a virgin#but it works here#because Reggie needs a toy to play with#james potter you sneaky man#someone likes to watch#Steddie living rent free for YEARS#just getting high and getting off#Dear Steve- Eddie wants to fuck you in every timeline#“wanna smoke” = “wanna fuck”#the answer is always yes with these too#every fic -> and than they smash#as it should be
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.
#feeling extra melancholy tonight#all of my feelings and loneliness just simmering in the salty broth of my tears#yes I’m still melodramatic but to be fair we were both melodramatic and i think that’s why we were such good friends#or i think we were such good friends; perhaps I’m misremembering now#breathing in the miasma of retrospect i suppose#i can’t reduce it all to ‘one thing that hurts the most’#they’re interconnecting pieces—a glass jigsaw puzzle and no identifying pattern to help put it together#your requests for my patience and my endless store of it#your invitation and my fear it would be retracted#my faith in your assurances and your subsequent retraction#you said you only asked me because you were sad and lonely as though the potential hadn’t been dangled in front of me for years#this all sounds bitter i know but it’s really just me thinking out loud#because if I’m never going to get closure on any of this#i should be allowed to put my feelings somewhere they can be read at a later date#i would never think to email you any of this#for one it would make me look crazy—the woman who couldn’t take no for an answer!#clearly i took the ‘no’ and left you in the peace you so desperately wanted#but being ghosted after so long of being your pal and your confidant… well that hurts in a way i was never allowed to express#of course i still love you. i will never not love you#but you showed up in my dreams again last night#taunting me about all i cannot have#i know it’s my subconscious being a complete dick#and not really you#and then i got into it with him tonight about how i just have to accept this platonic life#most of the time i deal with it just fine. i have lots of hobbies as you know#hard to stay sad if you’re wrangling yarn and puzzling over reflexive verbs#but in the quiet hours i used to love so much#everything floods in#please forgive me my elaborate tag salads directed toward your unfillable absence#goodnight my darling dearest
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One thing about giving your gacha characters canon birthdays is I haven't fucking touched Genshin in ages but I did just frantically sift through my blog to double-check if Venti's bday was today (BAD -- I HAVE A 3HR UPDATE and idk if I'd make reset in time for his letter) or tomorrow (GOOD!!!! AND IS THE CASE 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I can fuck off and lay back down now 👍)
#the. 16th. just in case anyone else was jumpscared.#and we all know google can't be fucking trusted at face value at this fucking point 😭😭😭😭#kept getting conflicting info like. thanks! this does not answer my question.#anyway. my main point here is feh should have had a birthday gimmick. yes it would get stupid#w the sheer amount of characters and counting always. but like....... the power.... of sentimentality.....#also of just wishing alfonse and sharena had canon birthdays. it would be so fun....#but i guess the fanon bday is fine. plus leaves room for my most sacred hc (born on the same day a few years apart)
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affirmations
anybody who discounts me for being weird was never ever going to be a good fit anyway
i am honest about who i am
i can never be too weird
weirdness on its own is morally neutral
#affirmations#autism#somebody just asked me if i was praying because i had my hands clasped with my palms pointed towards the ground#im at the garden so like?? honestly fair question?#and im like should i have said yes?#i said im just resting which was my conscious intent but also my life is a prayer so it could've really gone either way#but im kind of weary of the kind of obfuscative vibe of just answering peoples “are you doing something weird right now” with yes And.#i want to just like. uhh. be.#i did see water hose guy btw! pretty as ever. embarrassed myself also of course. no i will not be elaborating#everything's fine it's fine. i got my garden water which is the real important thing#and the tap on my one-ton water container seems to be holding fine 🩷🩷🩷#i got over three tons of water =3#and my garden plan involves a lot lot less watering than it ever has before so this might genuinely be all i need for the season#fingers crossed tbh#not filling up on water if they come around again sounds scary but also if there's a drought again the#then im going to be very pleased that i did things this was#way#gardening#holyposting
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Oncr again i am thinking too hard about colors
#in regards to space moon and sun rn#i kno2 what color i want suns outfit but then come moon which i struggle with blues#but i do know suns entirety will have NO orange#but i also want to be clear theyre paralelling eachother and the eclipses#in outfit yes they do but in color i need to focus ob them whichu can se my provlem but i have sun sort of figured out so moon shouldnt#be too bad but i need a secondary#which i went no purple or teal which uh oh dear might have to give for one#its cause sun has about 3 colors happening#yellow a teal and red obvi#where as moon will have blue maybe orange instead of yellow but hmnnnn#purhqps just a navy????#i have a bajillion markers this should be fine#anyway cant go on my computer and test around there rn#most colors onbcharacters are done bUT those two lol#anyway u can almost always tell i try and minimize color usage lol#bu5 then augh their faces toooo.... hmn#looks at angel and proceeds to sip tea#sir u could be an answer but ur not
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what's your opinion about people shipping their oc with eve characters?
I think it’s cool for them to do so! They are braver than anyone else too so pls continue drawing your ocs kissing eve characters 🫡❤️
#answered ask#there’s this artist I won’t say name but every time I see their art one like ‘hell yes my telenovela started’#bc they are so angsty good stuff 🤌#tho hot take I do find it weird when the oc is created exclusively to be the character’s romantic partner#if they have like lore or something and that lore makes sense for their relation ship is fine#but if they are created only to be the characters partner and nothing else I find it kinda off idk#that’s just me tho if you wanna do it feel free I can’t and won’t stop you#my opinions don’t matter#reminds me of my oc that hates Seki I should go back to them…
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This blog is inclusive of different system origins and types.
We don’t have a DNI because we can’t control what you want to do (even if we say our boundaries, it can be used against us or people won’t necessarily respect that). We just ask people to be kind and not to argue people for our sake nor to bring in unnecessary heavy discussions into our space that you are choosing to visit. That being said: because we’re comfortable and secure in our plurality, our life, what matters is now if you are alright with interacting with me. Since you’re coming into my space, ask what feels safe for you, and what makes you comfortable. And I’m being very genuine about how I want people visiting our blog to consider that, instead of asking us how we feel about these external interactions we can’t control (reblogs, likes, etc.)
#I’m making this post as a reminder…#I also don’t need to share with 3k+ people our diagnoses just to have a say in our perspectives.. But yes we have DID-#Yes we do not care of your origins or types. We have too many other problems in the world- I’m sick of infighting.#If you unfollow us that’s completely fine. Your safety should be a top priority.#To the anon who asked: Thank you genuinely for being considerate. I just couldn’t answer your anon-#in any way that didn’t have a strong possible outcome of chaos. This is tumblr and wrong wording can cause so many issues..#Mod stuff#From Kurapika
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Just a girl, patiently waiting and praying that some day the ice dance fic will be completed. Haha. I come back to tumblr every couples months just to check.
It absolutely will be, I promise!!! I’m just notoriously bad at working on multiple WIPs at the same time, and I need to finish my Jonerys multichap first. But there’s only 2 chapters left (which I am really hoping to get done for NaNo this year) and then the ice dancing au will be my main focus once again. I’m gonna have it done before I go to Figure Skating Worlds in 2025, that’s the goal 😂
#im actually so excited to get back to it#Even if i think i need to go back and update the earlier chapters because i know SO much more about how figure skating works now#as opposed to when i started it in 2018 lol#All the politics especially within ice dance… It’s fine I’m just writing a fantasy au where the ISU operates as i think they should#Anyways yes it will absolutely be completed i swear!!#The us ice dance field is too stacked rn I’m gonna need to escape to my fantasy ice dance realm where everything goes right for my teams#asks#answered#anonymous
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too scared to go off anon but we are mutuals and i love seeing your posts about the disney rides and such. its like peeking in a window to something i know nothing about but enjoy seeing on my dash regardless
HAI MYSTERY MUTUAL!! glad ya like it! disney parks are a hyperfixation so it's always fun to post about for me :)
#i always forget disney parks fan hypocrisy isn't something everyone's aware of it's just rly funny to me#also pro tip if you ever see disney parks fans other than me saying a new expansion will ruin the park it won't i prommy#these ppl hate anything new until they actually see it and then it's the greatest thing since sliced bread#and they will never aknowledge they were ever wrong <3#hoping to go to more theme parks next year! would love to go to californias great america again#since it's the closest thing i have to a home town park and it's closing down soon#REALLY wanna go to knotts berry too ghostrider looks like the most perfect coaster ever#would love to go to disneyland again too obv but that's WAY more expensive#like gas to get there alone is insane#i really should post some disney parks tips#i feel like a lot of the super disney parks fans that go there every day take some knowledge for granted#and then some things like if you need genie+ or not are complex answers they they usually just answer with a simple yes or no#anyways number 1 tip of the day is to get walking shoes. doesn't need to be super fancy just some good ol walking shoes#sketchers are my personal fav#DO NOT GO TO ANY DISNEY PARK WITHOUT WALKING SHOES#you will think since you go on walks in your normal sneakers you'll be fine but you won't be i promise 💀#^ can you tell i'm very normal about theme parks by this tag wall.#sassy speaks#asks#anon
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obviously there's a billion other things but one thing that sucks about being sick/disabled is that most of the time i don't have enough energy to both get to and from somewhere, and also BE in the place. brain-wise and, like, life-fulfillment-wise, things would be way better if i could spend more time somewhere that isn't by myself in my house (although for much of the time this is the best environment to manage my various disabilities), but physical-ability-wise, often the travelling to and from a place takes all the 'spare' energy i have, so i can't actually *be* at the place without experiencing a level of various symptoms that negates the benefits of being there in the moment, or being so so ill when i get home, or the 'being at the place' leaving me unable to safely travel home in the first place. it sucks.
anyway i guess that the flipside of that is super strong appreciation for the instances that i *can* do things, the people that help me get places, and the people who're happy to meet outdoors and/or with precautions. it makes a huge difference to have some things to look forward to, even if i am greedy for more!
#it would be really neat if people were taking more precautions so it was a little safer for disabled people to use public transport without#like. potentially life threatening consequences too for everyone involved.#or like in the world in general too not just public transport :P.#oh also if the public transport sucked less and was close to places you wanted to go :P#i'm definitely on the high caution end of things because the concept of becoming further disabled by post-viral conditions brings#unfathomable dread to me given how things are anyway and having been able to claw my way to a little 'better' than things have been#but still. feel like it should be less high stakes for everyone including high risk individuals you know :P#this post probably brought to you by being asked the question 'don't you miss (the job you were so so passionate about but had to quit bc#you became disablingly sick as a teenager)?'. the answer. shockingly. is yes. :P#Anyway. i actively try to make the best of reality not the alternate reality where things are as they were but sometimes you've gotta be#sad about things! that's fine too.#i'm always more melancholy when i'm actively having medical stuff happen because i'm forced to think about it more and also to#compare my own level of concern with that of those around me and like. process and deal with the gaps between them :P
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#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight#bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired#but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do#like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point#why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying#and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened#from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out#like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going#to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks#ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do#when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced#and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions#and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this#will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun#and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up#and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me?#like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire#but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b#ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place#dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code#somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno#ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day#it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse#unrelated#i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard?#let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo
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Hi! Have you seen that nct jaehyun, dooyoung and jungwoo made a sub-unit? Their song is called perfume and it is just SO FUN! The song itself reminds me of some of the old suju songs because the beat is so fun and makes you wanna dance, but the choreography is also ridiculously fun! You should check it out) I was reading your posts about the lack of fun in kpop, and this was honestly very refreshing to see. The mini-album is also quite good, and they even did a live-band cover of their songs. As always, nct guys are incredibly talented musically, good job
i actually really did not like their release....or their subunit.....or the album............
#like are they musically talented? yes. are the songs fine and technically good? sure#but i find them SO bland and im pissed off that theyre using the full nct brand for this discount cbx nonsense#should have been an nct lab!!! or an sm station!!!#also ngl i fucking hate the mv. like i HATE it. i have NO patience for pov fanservice stuff it makes my skin crawl. its insufferable#is it an effective method? sure. but i am NOT the target audience and am very much Too Gay for that#its one of my true pet peeves. i really. really fucking hate it and the fact that the mv was mostly like. 'chic perfume commercial'#was quite literally rage inducing.#so uh. sorry. that release is actually the opposite of fun (for me)#text#answers#nct w#slkdjfsd im so sorry you send me an ask and its RIGHT on a topic that i feel very strongly in the negative about lmao#pls dont be offended its not personal#also i need to clarify. i never said that kpop itself wasnt fun. kpop has and will always be fun.#i specifically said that a lot of fans (kpoppies) TREAT kpop like its not fun/actively eschew the fun parts of kpop#like flop groups or brighter concepts or just. taking it all too damn seriously#fans are not willing to look outside the main popular groups and so they dont actually SEE groups doing fun and cool and interesting things#like if you want to watch an actually fun mv go watch blitzers macarena#also idk how to tell you this but. ACTUAL nct music is so insanely fun. this ''subunit'' was just made to appease all the ''fans''#who complain nonstop about 'how nct sucks now' when THEY DONT Y'ALL JUST WONT ACCEPT THAT YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING UR FAVES MADE#anyways. i will stop talking now since this is probably gonna make ppl mad lmao#my nuclear take is that most nct fans dont actually like nct as a concept. they only like the idols. and those people are wrong
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You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited
Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.
And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well
…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.
I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.
#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs…#also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role#that would be great. I would do that too.#I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia#as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh.#it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary#maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB#like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’#and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine#but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!)#and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea#so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’#so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange#same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff#like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday#…but seems unlikely’#and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction#…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!!#and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’#(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me#and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything#so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is)#anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for#and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you#because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks#but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them#so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one
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