#just a random observation that has messed with my perception of the world

[purpleshadow-star]

I was doing some research, and I realized that Clemson, SC (where Palmetto is based on) and Columbia, SC are NOT, in fact, an hour apart from each other like they are in the books, but two hours! Idk what to think now. (First pic from Nora's old blog)

Geographic location is the same! But the distance has shrunk to one hour!

[prisoner009]

Here is why I, a person who has DID, think that Mikoto also has DID. I have seen a lot of misinformation about the disorder in the Milgram tag so I will try to correct them with the best of my abilities. And just a heads up, I am not interested in arguing whether or not Mikoto is a singlet or not since I had this conversation with others several times. This is just what I think Milgram meant to portray.

Before I start, please be mindful of the fact that Mikoto isn't a real person and I don't think he is a great DID rep however I feel like a lot of people just ignore the fact that he has DID because "it is ableist" while it is true we shouldn't ignore the obvious intention of the series, Milgram doesn't like being vague about the prisoners as seen with others. Here is the diagnostic criteria for DID. Code 300.14 "A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption of marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual. B. Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting. C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. D. The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice. Note: In children, the symptoms are not better explained by imaginary playmates or other fantasy play. E. The symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or another medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures)." 1) "Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states" for the sake of clarity, I will refer to Mikoto's alter as "Other Mikoto". Mikoto himself is very sociable, kind and has a more sweeter tone to his voice. He calls most prisoners by nicknames even though he isn't really familiar with them. In John Doe voice drama Mikoto gets stressed and switches to "Other Mikoto". Other Mikoto talks more like a delinquent, swears a lot and generally has more of a raspier tone to his voice. Other Mikoto goes as far as attacking Es which is out of character for Mikoto. 2) "B. Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting." We know that since day one Mikoto had no idea about what he had done to be in Milgram. In MeMe, during Other Mikoto's parts (metal parts of the song) he is very blunt about the murder making it clear that he is the alter that holds that traumatic memory while in Mikoto's parts (softer, chorus parts of the song) he says that he doesn't know why he is there and that they must be mistaken. No, he isn't lying about amnesia. It has been confirmed that to ensure that they are not lying Es uses a song extraction machine that extracts the knowledge about murders from their subconscious mind. MeMe sounds like two songs stitched together because Mikoto's subconscious is shared by another alter. In short, it was extracted from both of them not just Mikoto. Also, in John Doe voice drama right after Other Mikoto switches out Mikoto gets really confused because he doesn't remember beating Es and then fighting with Kotoko. 3) "C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning." Even though Mikoto has a stable office job and tries his best to look like a functioning adult I believe there is more to it. In MeMe, towards the end it sounds like they are aware of each others existence but Mikoto wants to deny the fact that he has DID. His amnesia barrier and miscommunication with Other Mikoto does affect his functioning. 4) D and E points are as we know, don't apply to Mikoto so I won't bother explaining them. I have seen a lot of people say that Mikoto is faking DID because "He remembers/knows about it a little as seen in the MV." which is literal misinformation. Amnesia barriers are not always the same and you may remember bits of things at times. Mikoto is well aware that

something bad is going on, he is scared to admit it. He just doesn't know what and that is when Other Mikoto comes in the stage. Other Mikoto is supposed to hold that traumatic memory (murder) so Mikoto won't have to process that all by himself. I believe Other Mikoto is a trauma holder + most likely an protector. "You don't have to keep it in and hide it away, “I” will save “me”." is the reason why I think Other Mikoto is a protector. Motive for the murder was not mentioned a lot in the video but basing from these lyrics I believe that he has killed someone that was a past abuser or a threat to Mikoto's life in anyway. The murder was planned. At the beginning we can see him waiting on a specific subway station for his victim, which makes me think that it was most likely someone he knew rather than a random pedestrian. Hopefully, we will learn more about his motive on the second trial but for now all we can speculate is that he did it to "protect" himself. Not by the means of self defense, but by something else. Another thing I have seen that has been spread around a lot is that "Mikoto formed a system after murdering someone/because of his stress as an office worker." No. No one can form a system at the age of 23. It doesn't work like that. (next part is taken from did-research) The theory of Structural Dissociation works off of the assumption that no one is born with an integrated personality. Instead, infants operate based off of a loose collection of different ego states that handle their different needs- feeding, attachment to a caregiver, exploring the world around them. Over time, these ego states naturally integrate into one coherent and cohesive personality, usually by the ages of 6 or 9. However, childhood trauma disrupts this process. Different ego states are left unable to merge with each other due to conflicting needs, traumatic memories, or learned action paths or responses to trauma. One coherent sense of self cannot form when the primary caregivers of the child are inconsistent, loving one moment and abusive the next, preventing healthy attachment from occurring and instead facilitating disorganized attachment. In short, Mikoto's DID formed in childhood because of repetitive trauma that he had experienced when he was between the ages of 6-9. We don't know what his trauma is but perhaps we may learn about it on the next trials. Overall, DID is used in a lot of symbolic ways in MeMe (from using OSDDID terms like "switch" to a headspace) that I think it is almost impossible for Mikoto to not have DID. Thank you for reading all this mess. Feel free to shoot me ask if you have any questions.

[devildom-dedicated-daydreams]

Afterstory (Diavolo)

Arc 3: The Cursed Witch Seduces the Wild Prince

@karmaaf @mac-the-oregonian @imagine-my-hero-and-vills @lady-naho @viptrash @cinnamon-bisquit xxnio-chanxx @pen-observing I wanna be friends with you, too <3 

“Princess … ”

Diavolo cradled your body closer to him. Your warmth seeped out with each second. Stale blood dripped from your wounds.

Diavolo chuckled drily.

Those gentle hands that would pat his head, the calloused but lovely fingers that drove him crazy with each touch--he will never feel them again.

Chuckling became laughing.

His flames blazed brighter and pitch-black smoke rose from earth. Rising higher into the sky, Diavolo’s wings grew and stretched so far they covered the sun and engulfed the city in darkness. From his flames swung out a tail with scarlet scales. It swept across the buildings, killing hundreds and destroying everything.

“Beast!” The humans screamed. “The witch summoned a beast!”

“Witch?” Diavolo repeated.

His maniacal laugh thundered throughout the city.

“You killed her for that?” The woman he loved was a soul who would never use her magic selfishly. You never turned away a patient even when they disrespected you.

The red dragon tenderly gazed at the lifeless body in his hand.

The skin had lost its vigor, scratches covered your face, and the arms …

How long did you suffer? How much did you suffer?

If only … if only he stayed with her.

“Unholy beast!”

Diavolo’s thoughts were interrupted when the human soldiers started shooting arrows at him. One arrow flew past his claws and almost hit your corpse.

The red dragon roared into the sky.

The large city that once bustled with life was reduced to ashes in less than half a day.

Diavolo flew back to your home. When he found the squatters wearing your clothes and the kids trampling the flowers you adored, he almost sent them to the next life. But he sensed the mana that radiated from them. It was your mana.

“Take off the clothes that aren’t yours and leave behind what belongs in this house,” he ordered with glowing eyes.

There were a foolish few who disobeyed by pocketing a ruby Diavolo gifted. They were two kids, the ones who threw rocks at you--

Half their faces were melted off.

“A saint touched your souls so I won’t kill you,” Diavolo said. “But don’t test my patience.”

The refugees ran for the mountains and Diavolo was left alone.

“I’m here,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “I’m right here, princess, so come back soon … ”

Gabriel and Lilith arrived a few weeks later. They’ve only now just heard the news.

Shock didn’t begin to describe what they felt at the scene that welcomed them.

Your humble mud house was transformed into a wooden cottage. The tiny patch of soil you proudly called a garden was bigger, lining the side of the river with herbs and flowers and other plants.

Life seemed to overflow

Gabriel barged inside the cottage.

The crown prince of hell sat on the edge of a bed. He was wiping the feet of a corpse, his eyes full of mad love while telling a story about how big the pomegranates were.

“I promise I didn’t use any magic. When you wake up, let’s make some dessert with them--”

A fist flew and Diavolo landed on the ground.

“You crazy … ” Gabriel’s chest heaved. He didn’t even know where to begin.

Luckily, Lilith was there. She patted his shoulder before approaching the prince. “Cousin, this is wrong.”

Diavolo lifted his head, eyes empty before focusing on Lilith. He grinned mechanically. “Oh, I didn’t notice you coming in.”

The angels exchanged glances.

“Do you like the house? I built it myself.”

“Diavolo--”

“I was giving princess a bath, she’s so spoiled--”

“Diavolo,” Lilith cut him off. “Diavolo, MC is dead.”

“She’s sleeping, Lilith. She can’t be dead, she’s going to be the queen of hell. We promised we’d be together so there’s no way she’s dead.”

“Oy,” Gabriel stepped forward, glaring at the prince. “Stop running away from this, bastard. MC is dead. She’s gone.”

“Gone,” Diavolo repeated with a whisper.

Your soul was gone.

Your soul was gone.

Your soul was gone.

But that’s not possible. When you became one, he reinforced his seal so you would be bound to him forever. But your soul was gone. You weren’t just dead, your soul was gone. He couldn’t feel it anymore. Your soul vanished like a whisper in the wind.

Gone--

You were gone.

Diavolo clawed at his chest, cutting skin and drawing blood. His insides twisted. He buckled down and threw up.

“Right--” He croaked as angry fat, angry tears blurred his vision. He pulled on his hair. “She’s gone. She’s gone … Even Barbatos said her soul … she’s gone.”

“Do you think that’s true?” Lilith knelt down and looked straight into his eyes. “Diavolo, think again.”

“A soul is immortal. She may be lost,” Gabriel said. “But she’s not irretrievable. And when she comes back is this how you want to greet her?” He gestured at the ice-cold body.

Diavolo chuckled wearily. “What do you know?”

“I know that you didn’t deserve her--”

“Gabriel--” Lilith tried to calm him down again but he shrugged her off.

“--I know that she deserves more than a pathetic, sobbing mess who avoids responsibility.”

The demon prince couldn’t bring himself to retort. Gabriel was right, he was pathetic.

“I know this doesn’t sound much from an uncultured girl like me but … but I want to work together with you. I want to be a partner who can help you with your problems.”

Your words echoed in the back of his mind and Diavolo laughed again. With a tearful smile, he looked out the window and into the clear morning sky.

“You win, princess. You always win.”

Meanwhile, in a roofless room surrounded by stars and with walls that stretched so far you could not see the end, two men played a game of chess.

The one who held an ebony pawn sighed. It was King Drakul of Devildom.

His opponent, a man with greying hair crudely dyed purple at the tips, quirked an eyebrow. “Something wrong, old friend?”

“I was just thinking--it’s very hard being a father.”

“Oh.” His opponent nodded in agreement. “I feel ya. Lately, Lili has taken an interest in the human realm and Levi…the one with the bowl haircut keeps messing with the time warps. He’s already reading literature that shouldn’t be in existence yet.”

“First of all, their names are Lilith and Leviathan. Secondly, my case is different from yours. Diavolo--”

“It’s about time Diavolo fixes his behavior.”

“I suppose … ”

“Cheer up, Drakul. Our plan worked, or rather, it’s going to work. Ain’t that right, Barbatos?”

Barbatos appeared with a burst of green smoke. He refilled their teacups. “You are correct, Lord God.”

Drakul sighed again.

“Hey now, you can’t start regretting it now,” said Lord God. “I went AWOL for an extra five thousand years just for this moment.”

He disappeared for millenia, causing conflict among the angels, and then arrived in time to stop a full-scale war. Not to mention, he had to create a random body and puppeteer it from the sidelines while waiting for a Host.

“You can’t soften up now. Otherwise all that effort to educate Diavolo would have gone to waste. Think of those poor souls who failed and got sent to punishment worlds because of him, think of those humans he killed when he went feral the other day--think of how many loops Barbatos has gone through--and the beating Diavolo almost gave him!” Lord God dropped a sugar cube into his cup.

“I know, I know … But those 2430 souls are on you. You could easily have asked Barbatos who would be the successful Host.”

“You know I don’t roll like that. It’s boring to know everything—why do ya think I sealed away my powers?” Lord God added another sugar cube. “Ah, speaking of, what do you think of my newest recruit? The second genius I’ve encountered since I started this gig.”

“Hm, let’s see.” Drakul grabbed a flower-shaped cookie. “Sharp-witted, competent and ruthless. I say, they’d be an excellent queen.”

Lord God spat out his tea. “You can’t--cough--you can’t be serious.”

“You can't deny that there is a possibility." He turned to his butler. "Right, Barbatos?”

A mysterious look ghosted over Barbato's eyes, then he grinned subserviently. “It is as you say, sire.”

Author’s note:

If you know me from Tumblr then you already know that I have this headcanon: In the past Diavolo was a wild, rebellious blood knight but now he is desperate to maintain peace in the three realms because he fell in love with a human in the past and patiently waits for her reincarnation so he can welcome her as his queen. Also, he's only the crown prince in the Obey Me! storyline because he refuses to become king without his beloved.

Man, I know I poke fun at him for being a reckless idiot in the story, but damn.

And imagine all the crap he deals with for uniting the three realms--all that effort for a soul who didn’t even look back when she left. 🤧

(To have that kind of power on a man... Ate MC, paturo naman po. Charot lang. We must aspire to be good people haha)

Oh, and by the way--

I would like to clarify something since you guys keep making so many conspiracy theories.

Regarding the characters from the fictional worlds and the real world:

The Obey Me! Characters that manifest in the fictional worlds are treated as separate entities from those in the Real World. E.g. Lucifer from the CEO’s arc is different from the Lucifer in Diavolo’s arc/Real World, so if the same character appears twice, our MC will not compare their names, appearances, etc. Think of it as a perception filter. However, you can say that they are still connected because they are alternative selves of each other. So residual affections felt by CEO!Lucifer will be felt by Real World!Lucifer.

What was the third party interference at the end?

Unless the above story wasn't clear enough, the interference was Diavolo. 

Will MC have a harem?

Who knows.

Hope that makes things clear :D

(And please keep up with the praise, this madam would sell her firstborn for more praises from you guys.)

Until the next arc, my dear readers!

[shimmershae]

Just a few random thoughts and observations about Daryl’s Origins episode.

Basically my stream of consciousness bullshit brought over from Twitter, lol.  I almost didn’t watch the episode after seeing all the drama over there, but ultimately I decided to because frankly?  I don’t trust certain fans’ perceptions of events.  For reasons.  It’s best, I feel, to always watch with your own eyes and form your own independent opinions because this fandom is teeming with people that delight in tormenting other fans by being very selective and oftentimes downright misrepresentative about what they pass along.  

More under the cut because this is random and all over the place and basically excerpts of my live blogging while watching the special.  Did I mention it’s random?  

You know.  It sure would be nice not going into one of these things so apprehensive.  Maybe one day, hmm?  

First things first.  From the very beginning of this Origins episode, I’m reminded of two things:  1).  Our introduction to Daryl, his colorful Dixonese, and his particular brand of humor certainly stands out as one of show's more memorable introductions.  2).  TWD certainly regressed on the deer front. I mean.  Daryl's deer>Richonne's deer.

I’m never going to get over "On Golden Pond."  Never ever and look.  I actually liked Dale but Daryl spitting those words at him still makes me laugh until I'm weak.

Daryl's still searching all these years later.  Or is he?  Really?  Seems to me the man's found exactly what he's been looking for and he's been chasing it since he came back from those woods:  a future with his soulmate.  The one that happens to be his best friend.  OFC, I’m talking about Carol. Who else?  

How pretty and soft are baby Daryl and Carol?  Too pretty and soft for this tired heart to withstand.  Like I love all versions of them, but baby Daryl and Carol just hit different.  

My immediate thought re: the Beth comment-- Misreads the situation?  WTF?  Whoever wrote this script just had to re-inject some eww into the narrative didn't they?  All those damn dirty spoons.  Ever think about how much it probably reeks in that office space?

Moving along, though.  Here’s some real facts.  Carol is so intrinsically woven into the fabric of Daryl's story, the only way she can be removed is if they are literally both destroyed and cease to exist.  Something happens to Carol?  The man is going to be a reanimated body without a heartbeat.  Basically a Walker.

 An aside, I know they're not making me rewatch a scene I haven't watched since the first time it aired.  The way Negan's head bashing tendencies had me seeing red and wanting that barbed wire bat shoved up his ass every time I saw his face.  My JDM love really took a serious hit for awhile.  I'm never going to forgive the character that hateful act.  I just can't.

Somehow I wasn't expecting this to be a teleprompter-fest.  Like who wrote this script?  Hmm.   Sorry.  Don't mind me.  Lost in my thoughts per usual. You know.  It still strikes me as hella insensitive that Rick had Daryl leading the Sanctuary community knowing what he suffered there.  There's no way Daryl would have returned that kind of favor.  

Yep.  Leah still feels tacked on last minute.  A means to an end.  Sigh.   They completely glossed her over here.  Too bad they had that lapse in judgment with some other toxic waste.  I cannot believe they touched that with a ten foot pole.  It's just cringe-worthy and wrong.

"Daryl can't say no to Carol."  They say those words and I’m like “Join the club, my dude.  Join the club, lol.”  

You know.  All the Carol-related moments in this Daryl Dixon recap speak for themselves.  She's his person, dammit.

Okay though.  That reunion in the tall grass with the sun shining on them all golden and picturesque, after Alpha’s taken Daryl to show him her horde?  That's some romance novel shit right there.  "Look at me.  Just look at me."   I'm never going to recover from that moment or the discovery of Sophia.  They break my heart so.  

This recap is literally 2/3's Carol and the other 1/3 Rick and everybody else.  I mean.  It's so obvious.  Utterly and completely misrepresented by some agenda-driven folks.  

"We have a future."   Oh.  Just some pretty, meaningless words you say everyday to all your friends, lol.   Just friends my whole entire ass.  

"I'm never gonna hate you."  Okay, AMC.  Back up all the talk with some action that even the most willfully blind cannot deny, m'kay?  Because they're not going to buy it until you're explicit about it.  Just saying.

The amount of times "Carol" has left this man's mouth during this recap, lol, and some people keep wanting to ignore it. 

Aww.  Guess who they showed when Daryl mentioned family?  How sweet.  And when they mentioned purpose in connection with C0nnie, it was not any indication of romance, IMHO.  

Let me explain.  

By the time C0nnie is lost,  Daryl’s floundering because he feels he hasn’t been able to help Carol despite giving it all and pushing back his previously established comfort zone(s).  Enter these pair of sisters.  And they put him in mind of the good parts of him and Merle.  Probably they make him remember  the Greene girls when things were good and hopeful before they went sideways.  In some small way, he’s probably reminded of other family units like Rick and Carl and Lori and Carol and Sophia and later Henry.  And all of those people have something in common.  Well, besides being people Daryl has known and cared for.  They’ve seen their family units fractured and/or destroyed by tragedies wrought by the world they live in.   They made a point and emphasized that Daryl’s a searcher and also that family matters to him.  In some way or form he’s been doing his best to help repair or reunite all these different family members since the beginning and ultimately he’s failed to succeed each time.  So yeah.  He’s been given a purpose in a time of uncertainty again with her because this time he’s determined to get it right.  This time he wants to bring the two sisters back together the way he couldn’t do for the Greene girls.  Like I did not, do not read anything romantic at all into that comment. Just my take on things.  Obviously, everyone else’s mileage may vary.  I’ll step off my soapbox now.  Hopefully, maybe these words might comfort.  

So relax, lovelies.  It wasn't as bad as I feared.  Sure, they could have left that one icky comment out but they didn't and honestly?  I don't think it's a positive for that particular 'relationship' because it's something that's brought up to show just how messed up Daryl was.  Because grown men that have their heads on straight don't usually have those type of misreads.  They know they are inappropriate.  Like I'm not putting Daryl into the pedo category because I don't feel like he belongs there.  But I can see how him being so emotionally stunted and naive so far as interpersonal relationships and the nuances of friendship and non-toxic family could lend itself to him maybe reading more into those moments than were really there and not really knowing how to deal.  

Whoever wrote that teleprompter script though?  That particular asshole is probably grinning like a donkey with a mouth full of briars at all the unnecessary drama they stirred up yet again. Like newsflash, goober.  There are better ways to foster interest in your show.

They should hire a team of fans to do the promotion.  Fans that represent all factions of this fractured fandom so the promotion is well-rounded and not so heavily slanted toward any one of them but the diverse fandom as a whole.

Stop fanning the stupid ship wars and just celebrate the damn characters and the overall story.   Nothing new or groundbreaking to see on this first Origins story but hey.  Who doesn't mind a decent recap now and then?  That said, don't sweat not having AMC+ or feel like you missed all that much because you didn't.

I do have to say.  Them pretending B3th was the first girl to be nice to Daryl really had me going WTF.  

I mean, there’s this little exchange from Carol, the first woman to be nice to Daryl, probably the first person from the group--

"You're every bit as good as them.  Every bit."   

  AMC?  TWD?  Do you even watch your own show?  

There you have it.  My bullshit stream of consciousness, originally posted over on Twitter as I liveblogged the show.  Hope you got something helpful or of entertainment value from this.  

Goodnight, lovelies.  

Until next time. ��

[bluemoonbeam15]

CTA: Hopper

CTA is short for Cognitive Task Analysis. It's essentially a method of unravelling the inner workings of a person's mind and seeing how their thoughts affect their actions.

I'm starting with Hopper -- obviously -- because he isn't given much, if any, backstory in the entire movie. His actions were written purposefully for the audience to not feel any remorse for his demise. If he had been given a backstory, there would probably be more people who could defend his actions, which isn't what the directors wanted.

However, just by analyzing his dialogue and actions -- no matter how small of screen-time -- we can get a rough sketch of his true personality.

I've spent the last hour completing the 16Personlaties test online and reading through the results. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's a website that has you go through a series of questions and by the end of it presents you with whichever personality type your responses most align with.

To the best of my ability, I have gone through each question and replayed Hopper's scenes in my mind to get a feel of how he would've answered them. The results showed him to be an ISTJ-A.

I = Introverted (52%)

S = Observant (95%)

T = Thinking (98%)

J = Judging (78%)

A = Assertive (69%)

I'll put a link to the website at the end of this post so any of you who are interested can read through it. This will also be the site I use for the other characters I analyze.

So since the link is available -- and the personalities can be read about, anywhere -- I will give my reasoning for how the result above fits his character.

BY THE WAY, NONE OF THIS IS CANON. I AM NOT STATING FOR A FACT THAT THIS IS HOPPER IN HIS ENTIRETY. IT'S ALL SPECULATION DRAWN FROM SMALL AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE.

First off, let me brag on him for a moment for his incredible work. I know he's the bad guy and all, but let's give the man some credit. Only extremely powerful people in human history were able to convince a whole nation of people that they were in the right. Hitler, being one of those people.

While Hitler obviously did unforgivable things, everything he did was done thoughtfully and carefully. He analyzed the people, the children, and understood how their minds worked. This is what Hopper does in the movie.

By the time we are invited into this world, Hopper has already established a system within the colony. Despite not holding any true authority in their own monarchy, he had managed to set himself above the Queen. Even she is in fear of his capabilities and fights to keep him appeased.

He also manages to uphold his authority within his own gang. The fact that none of them -- aside from Molt -- have the boldness to question his decisions speaks volumes about how assertive he is.

But the only way he can keep his position is by applying his cognitive talents. We see in the movie that Hopper doesn't take the details for granted. He remarks that Atta didn't smell like the Queen -- implying he took note of which ant was in leadership. When he first lays eyes on Flik, he watches the ant's demeanor and takes in every detail. This allows him to recognize Flik when he reveals himself from the fake bird near the end of the movie. When the Circus Bugs arrive while Hopper is at Ant Island, he notices the empty box by the end of their act and demands to know where the Queen is.

We can even see that in almost every scene he is in, he does more observing than talking. In the beginning, he walks around and takes note of the ant's countenance around him, looking for any sign of rebellion as the source of his missing offering. He watches Atta carefully as she tries to explain that Flik is the reason it's missing. After punching the random gang member instead of Molt, he looks around at the colony to take in their reaction and adjusts himself accordingly. When Molt comes to tell him his "great idea," Hopper doesn't immediately rant off. Instead, he watches his brother carefully as he advances and takes in the sincerity and fear of Molt explaining himself.

As he walks around The Resort, addressing his gang, his eyes are pinpointing every grasshopper until they land on the three at the bar. He makes offhanded remarks and observes how the three react suspiciously overly supportive. By the time he lets them have it, he watches the grain fall and proceeds to keep his eye on every member as he makes his speech. When they get to the Island, Hopper manages to pinpoint the Queen in the midst of the crowd of ants. As the Circus Bugs first reenter the scene, Hopper silently follows his gaze as they pull up in front. Not once does he say a word until they make themselves fully shown. When the pill bugs appear, he watches them for a good while before finally allowing the Circus Bugs to entertain them.

Throughout their performance, Hopper is silently watching -- maybe laughing once during the entire ordeal. You can especially see it when Manny offers to let the Queen be a part of the performance and Hopper follows his every move as he does so.

As he gives his speech to the ants, he walks around and makes it a point to make eye contact with as many as he can. He observes their gradual return to submission. When Flik speaks up again, Hopper does not yell, summon Thumper, or try to interrupt him at all. He advances -- like he did Molt -- and observes how the ant will react to his closing proximity. It's almost as if he's gauging how much damage has been done to his influence before he decides on which course of action to take. In fact, for the remainder of the movie, Hopper maintains this way of decision-making. While in the canon, he's keeping his eye on Flik. When it rains, he pinpoints Flik in the crowd.

When he lands in front of Flik by the bird's nest, he begins advancing again and uses that time of observation to unsettle the ant. While Hopper uses analyzation as a way to base his decisions, he also uses it as a way to unsettle his opposition. In nearly every situation he quietly observes, the adversary becomes nervous and backs away. They mess up on their train of thought, try to explain themselves, or beg for mercy. It's more than Hopper looking intimidating, it's the way he looks at them to make them feel transparent. As if he knows every little thing about them, and in a way, he kind of does from the time he's observed.

The only hole in this is when the real bird finally makes an appearance and Hopper is so caught up in his rage of the previous bird that he neglects to fully analyze the creature before him. Of course, let's also take into account that he is blind in one eye, it's dark and raining, and his perception of reality has been slightly altered thanks to the fake bird from earlier. In his defense, he had good reason to believe the bird before him was also a fake.

His observations play hand-in-hand with his tendency to base his decisions on rationality rather than emotion. As well as being more judging than perceiving. For the record, the word "judging" in this sense is not used in a social manner. It is being able to make faster-paced decisions and to stick by them. People who are judging will be clean-cut and look presentable to others as a means of influencing others to agree with their steadfast decisions.

As also mentioned, Hopper does not act on his emotions. You can base an alternative opinion saying, "Oh, but he gets mad and threatens his brother," or, "what about when he killed those three grasshoppers?" and so on. However, acting on your emotions and acting on rationale are two different things. They look different too.

Consider this: had Hopper, the moment Molt opened his mouth, yelled or swung a punch at him, then he would then have acted on his emotions. Had he outright put those three grasshoppers in their place instead of going through the foreplay, he would have acted on his emotions. Flik was also not immediately killed when he first spoke up and when he continued to defy Hopper. Even at the end of the movie, when the real bird appears, Hopper halts his strangling long enough to realize that the bird is real.

After re-watching the movie with these characteristics in mind, it doesn't seem like there is one time where he acts on his emotions. Impulsively, is one way to put it. He never acts on impulse. Every move is calculated according to how he needs the situation to play out in his favor. Perhaps the only time he acts on emotions is when he punches the nearby grasshopper instead of his brother. And, even then, he lets enough rationality in to redirect his anger onto someone else.

Now let's dive more onto the hidden side of Hopper the movie doesn't shed much light on.

Despite giving off this hard, rough exterior, we know that the gang he surrounds himself with was on purpose. While he probably gathered them for the sake of enforcing the ants more into submission, I think it might be safe to say that they're there for his own mental stability. Let's be clear, Hopper doesn't need them to accomplish his goals. Flik doesn't spare a glance at the other grasshoppers once Hopper comes into the hill. All eyes are on him. Even when Hopper has taken control of the Island, Atta and Phyllis are constantly glancing to see his reactions.

It's especially significant when Atta notices Flik and the girls climbing the tree to the bird and the only grasshopper she looks at to see if they noticed is Hopper. Because in the grand scheme of things, his awareness of the situation is what will make or break their plan.

Notice with me too that the other gang members have the IQ of a rock. Any opinion they have is shown to be based on little to no evidence. And although they were on the right track to not go back to the Island -- which ends up being one of Hopper's downfalls -- they didn't necessarily understand the true power the ants could have over them. Basically, their desire to stay the The Resort was not based on truth but more their own personal wishes.

Personally, I believe that Hopper only keeps them -- and Molt -- around for the sake of keeping himself distracted. With his observations, it can be seen that he does more time thinking rather than acting. Imagine having a whole colony under your control and your mind running 24/7 to maintain that power. Imagine how stressful it has to be for him to know that in a single instance, all that work he put into molding the colony could be in vain. No wonder he needs some time alone for a massage.

But then imagine having others around you to keep your mind off of those stressors and anxieties. With the gang partying and having a good time, it would be hard for Hopper to dwell on all the ways everything could go wrong. I believe that's why he keeps Molt around. Hopper never said he promised their mother he'd let him join the gang, or that he'd watch him 24/7. He merely stated he promised not to kill Molt.

Molt is simply that happy-go-lucky persona that Hopper can not only release his stress on, but also someone who can distract him from everything storming within his own mind. It may seem in the movie like he's a lazy freeloader who uses the ants to avoid doing any work himself, but let's look at it this way:

> He's "babysitting" his brother constantly

> He has to travel a great distance back and forth at least once a year for the offering

> In that little time he sees the colony, he has to assert his authority to keep them obedient

> He has to keep his own gang members submissive

> It seems that he also runs (or at least co-runs) The Resort

> Just as all insects do, he has to protect himself, his gang, and his brother from bigger predators

Most of these have a lot of psychological weight that would wear Hopper out with all the stress it adds on to him. There's so much responsibility that has not only been forced on him, but also ones he's chosen to take. And some of those responsibilities were chosen for the sake of distracting him from everything else. It's a vicious cycle that he's gotten caught in where he ends up putting more on his plate than he can handle, all in a vain attempt to have something to redirect his attention from his other anxieties.

Hopper has a very self-destructive mindset in this term. It ends up getting to the point where, by the end of the movie, when everything begins to unravel before him, his anxieties kick in and he doesn't know how to handle it. He's spent so long trying to avoid those fears that he never established an escape for them other than the other self-destructive behaviors. He never found the right way out of his own torment.

In reality he influenced himself to be subdued just as much as he had the ants. He has convinced himself that he is weaker when mulling over his anxieties and letting his emotions get out of control. Therefore, he's put chains on them and has put an emotional muzzle on himself. And all of it is in an attempt to stay rational and maintain his position. In a way, Hopper has become so skilled at overpowering others that he has subconsciously overpowered himself. He's convinced himself that he is who he wants to be. He wants to be in control, calm, collected, strong, and powerful. And he has convinced himself to believe that he can be all those things so long as he pushes back the characteristics and emotions that would hold him back.

And he reflects this inner pain on the ants as he convinces them to be what he wants them to be. Submissive, mindless, fearful, and obedient. And so long as he pushes back the ideas and rebellion, they can be all those things.

If any of you want me to continue this analysis -- God knows there's still more to unpack about his personality -- feel free to ask! I will be doing the other characters (Flik is next).

Here is the link to the website I used:

https://www.16personalities.com/istj-personality

[delicrieux]

Can we get some uhhhh Mutual Pining and Cuddling for Warmth with one of the marauders?

to this request i silently whispered “yes....”

Remus Lupin knew you would never engage him in conversation, or offer to have breakfast together, or help with homework, or any of the sort. To him you were a mirage, pretty, but far away. And perhaps he had, on moments of dullness or dissociation, dreamed what you were like: to talk to, to joke to, to... Well, admitting it would tarnish him. He is terribly shy, but more than that, terribly lacks self-confidence due to the beast locked inside his body until the next full moon. He’s absolutely riddled with fear at the mere prospect of hurting anyone, of even the chance that it might happen. And so he keeps people away, pushes them out, and even when involved in conversation with James or Sirius or Peter he is always, in his own way, reserved and distant. He knows they love him for who he is. The problem is that he despises himself with such unfiltered disgust that it is hard to remind himself that it is only his tormented thoughts that paint him as a monster; that no one besides himself sees him in that light.

Alas, he could never allow himself to indulge with you, the risk of rejection and self-sabotage is too great. Therefore you live inside his daydreams, safe from harm, from him, oblivious to his feelings or how sometimes he sneaks glances at you in class.

But if he only knew what sort of things rummage inside that head of yours, what sort of butterflies erupt in your chest when he walks into your line of vision. He is always so swift, yet strangely refined, tense, in control, though his face never once warped into a frown in your presence - it had always stayed deliberately neutral or soft. And your friends, quick to notice as they were notoriously perceptive, teased you about this crush often. It was a ridiculous one, that you knew. You didn’t even know him personally! Had never even uttered “Hello!”. But you almost knew what he was like, just from observing him. Almost knew how the conversation would go, if you ever approached him, or vice versa. Imagined scenarios in double digits on how you’d meet him, prepared for each one just in case.

Nothing happened, of course. He lived inside your daydream with you.

No amount of myths, legends, daydreams, or imagination could have prepared the both of you for the actual way you’d meet. Fate is funny like that - nothing ever happens the way one plans it.

It’s the 7th of December and a storm is brewing, wind howling in your ears. Hogsmeade was frozen over since last Sunday, though the townies swore the weather had been lovely: setting sun, cloudless sky, crisp air, dancing ice sculptures, piles of puffy snow that decorated the small houses like icing. And it had been a wonderful afternoon, one full of gossip, butterbeer, Christmas shopping. That was, of course, till the first gust of wind nearly knocked you off of your feet. All changed from there: the sky darkened with clouds, snowflakes raged, it was suddenly freezing and ice started to collect on the windows, on the loose strands coming out your hat. Everything was white and hazy and you couldn’t hear a thing; separated from your friends and from the rest of the world you quickly searched for shelter. Fear picked at your throat and your nerves were the only thing keeping you alert and from hypothermia. After what felt like eternity you spotted a building, a house, a something and ran to it, nearly tripping over your own two feet before yanking the door open and the wind shut it behind you.

You breathe slow, steady, standing eerily still by the entrance. You only now realise where you are; you recognise the old stairwell, the dust, the rotting wood, the creaks that sound like wails from ghosts, all collected from stories your friends had shared about the most haunted place in Hogsmeade. The Shrieking Shack. It is absolutely silent, however, besides the moans and howls of the wind blowing past barged up windows. Snow is already covering the floor with a thin layer. You release a breath you had been holding and it comes out your lips in white smoke. Your clothes are damp and you start to shiver. Groping for you wand you—

A loud thud echoes from upstairs, then something that closely resembles a hiss. You freeze. Then spring into action, only to realise that your only means of getting dry, of casting spells, of protecting yourself is not with you. It must’ve fallen out, you realise in horror, it must’ve happened when I ran. Your teeth begin to clatter, fingers stinging, numb. It might be a bird, or a cat, or a raccoon, or anything but a ghost, you reassure yourself. And really, if it is a ghost you’ll join it soon if you loiter by the door instead of looking for something warm. Snow crunches under your feet as you move to the stairs, making your way up. The second floor is brighter than the first, yet it rocks from side to side gently, as if on a boat, and for a moment you feel light headed. Rooms with no doors greet you from all sides. No sign of ghosts, though. You pick at random and—

You physically jump when you see him, a strangled noise of surprise escaping your lips, eyes wide in terror. Remus Lupin, of all people, sits on a ragged bed, pale and sickly, scars and bruises covering his face, his clothes ripped and tattered. Around him is a mess: wild claw marks on the floor, broken furniture, shredded paintings and wallpaper... He glances up, startled, brinks a few times, rubs his eyes as if not believing them.

“A-Are you okay?” You ask, rasp, almost voiceless. He gives a nod. You frown, “You s-sure?”

He clears his throat, “Got caught in the storm.” He says hoarsely, looking away from you, “Ungracefully landed here, and, well... ripped my clothes on some nails.” He finishes, rubbing the back of his neck.

“A-And your f-fac-e.” You add with a shaky smile. He releases a humourless laugh.

“Yea, that too.”

He finally turns to you and a bit of warmth rushes back into your body, though not enough to feel your fingers, or your toes. He gives you a shy smile and glances you over, the smile diminishing into worry as he stands up and yanks the sheets off of the bed, sending a flurry of dust your way, “You must be freezing.” He says, offering it to you.

“Aren’t y-you?” You question. He shrugs.

“I...am...sort of. Not nearly as bad as you, though.” He insists, and you relent, if a little. “Where’s your wand?” He asks once you wrap the fabric around yourself - it does little but reek of mold. With your head you vaguely motion to the windows.

“Lost. Yours-s?”

“Uhh-yea, mine too.” He utters, another hiss that sounds a lot like a swear falling from his lips. You relax, almost laugh - it was him you heard, of course it was.

“S-so no fire, then.” You attempt to lighten the mood, but all he does is nod solemnly and you realise it was for naught.

“You’ll catch a cold.” He states the obvious, but in a way that sounds gentle, concerned, though as if he knows it is inevitable. “Damn, if only I...” He gives you another once over, “Uhm, well, I, uhm-I’m Remus, by the way. Remus Lupin.”

It takes you a second to register his name, suddenly feeling giddy - you, of course, already knew it. It also dawns onto you that you might already have a fever. With a crooked smile you introduce yourself and he nods, pleased. Then, he starts again, “Well, I have this— I don’t... please don’t take it the wrong way or anything like that, I just don’t want you to fall sick or-or worse, so, I, well-“ He does a motion with his hands, as if they would somehow convey his point, “you should- not that you need just, uhm- should, should take off your jacket, and hat, and scarf, everything that’s soaked.” He turns his gaze away, suddenly more interested in the marks on the floor, “They’ll keep you from getting warm.” He adds, quieter.

You feel slow. As if he’s moving, talking, changing courses and topics too quick for you to follow. Chills wash your body in cold sweat like waves, and you nod after a moment of consideration.

“Y-you’re nifty.” You say, shrugging off the sheets and they ungracefully fall to the floor. He quickly picks them up and smiles, happy that you’d taken his advice, “You’ll... hav-e t’help me, t-though.” You stutter; your limbs feel numb and heavy.

“Oh!” Heat rushes to his cheeks and he throws the sheets onto the bed and approaches you, “Of course, I, just...” He trails off, not exactly certain on what he wanted to say. You slowly pluck your hat from your head and drop it on the floor, then move to the scarf and unwrap it. The cold air bites your neck and you suck in a breath. “Here.” He mutters, helping you take it off, his hand brushing yours. Your eyes widen. His touch feels like fire.

“Y-You’re r-really warm, y-you know t-that?” You question, watching him work on your coat. He gulps.

“Uh-Yea, runs in the family.”

“A-Are you related t’dra-g-gons or something?” You ask.

He looks at you, locks your gaze, and your heart skips a beat. His lips melt into a smile.

“Something like that.” He admits and takes off your coat, folding it neatly. Left without an outer layer, the cold attacks your body fiercely, and you stagger to the bed, as quickly as you can, and curl into a little ball, wrapped up in blankets.

When Remus is done collecting your things, he places them neatly on a table that has the least damage done to it - only a chewed up leg. He joins you, sits down next to you, and immediately his presence radiates heat like a furnace.

“I-I wish I h-had your genes.” You say, trembling. Something painful crosses his features, but what you can’t place. He doesn’t say anything, just lifts his arm up as if to touch you, but then hesitates. Your gazes meet again and he awaits for permission, and you, with a small, broken voice, only manage to murmur “Please”.

He pushes you close to his body under the blankets and sheets and you shiver in delight. You press closer to him, if possible, as if trying to absorb all the warmth you can. It feels better, instantly, and calmer, and you can smell the remnants of his earthy cologne and blood and sweat.

“You’re like a popsicle.” He mutters into your hair.

“S-Sorry if you catch hypothermia because of me.” You say sleepily.

“I’ll be fine, you need to worry about yourself now.” He urges gently, “And... try not to fall asleep, no matter how much you want to, okay?”

“Okay. When do you think the storm will end?”

“Soon, hopefully. You need to see Madam Pomfrey.”

“She’ll probably scold me.”

He breathes out a laugh, “I have yet to meet a student she hasn’t scolded.”

“Even you?”

He pauses. Then, “Especially me.”

If you were in the right state of mind you would have asked why, but it matters little at the moment. All you can focus on is how close he is and how safe he is and how warm he is. The prospect of leaving to see Madam Pomfrey did not seem appealing at all.

thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed & feedback is always welcomed 🖤

[not-a-christmas-tree]

i just watched the dallas theatre company les mis here are my observations

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS PRODUCTION I SUGGEST YOU DO! DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS THOUGH!

so, in case you didn’t know: in 2014, Dallas Theatre Company did a modern interpretation of les mis. i just watched it on youtube (i will link it later, i promise) and took SO MANY GODDAMN NOTES so here they are!

ACT ONE 

(Look Down-WHID)

starting out strong! we got some HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT THE JAIL SYSTEM!! blatant police brutality happening BASICALLY the entire first part of the song. it hurts me. 

note on the cops costumes: they legitimately terrify me and they are dressed in like. full riot gear.

okay so,,,valjean wraps the rope from his bag around his neck at the end of WHID. this is interesting bc, a) he’s trying to find a solution as to what he should do after the Bishop and that’s a direction I’ve surprisingly seen no one take, but b) this part has the same melody as javert’s suicide, when javert is ALSO trying to figure out what he should do after his perception on life is altered. for a moment there, they both are on the same page, the page being suicide. however, only one of them takes that choice.

the above makes the lines (in both songs) “i’ll escape now from that world / from the world of valjean” ESPECIALLY interesting because. in two different ways, they did escape, but they ALMOST had the same conclusion for a brief second.

(At The End Of The Day)

in ATEOTD fantine ends up being the last one working, causing everyone to look at her with varying degrees of annoyance or frustration. She do be hardworking doe

OH SHIT KIDS IN THE FACTORY!! three little kids run up to the foreman when he’s giving daily stipends to the ladies!! (they’re also the last to be paid, giving significant sass to foreman who also sasses back)

Girl #5 mockingly calling fantine “innocent sister” when 5 is white and fantine is a WOC...that’s kind of interesting given that that can be read as SERIOUS racial profiling on 5’s part

foreman looks like bob’s boss in the incredibles but like. tall lmao

(I Dreamed A Dream)

her look of like,,shock-but-not when everyone from the factory exits and she takes off her bandana,,,that. that is good acting

her transitions from chest to head voice are so good

i’m kinda sad she isn’t younger?? or just. doesn’t look super young bc fantine is supposed to be like. early twenties. she’s not 45 and had a decently long life before she died, no, she’s young. she was taken advantage of. that’s the whole point. but that’s sUPER little like this lady is way too good

she has the perfect mix of sadness and regret plus anger and shameless hope. like. kudos to you allison blackwell you’re a dope fantine 

the cry on “killed the dream i dreamed” brb sobbing

(The Dock Scenes)

MALE PROSTITUTES I REPEAT!! MALE PROSTITUTES!! (no idea what wig he’s wearing tho. he was done dirty in the wig department) 

oh male prostitute is prostitute #1! 

oh damn there is. lady def on some bad drugs with her kid passing behind fantine on the bench. ouch.

hoo okay they did n o t censor lovely ladies!! (mini note: camera person has the camera down an AWFUL LOT on these docks scenes lmao)

there are cops on the docks. gross.

(Who Am I-Confrontation)

OH SHIT THEY HAVE A FALSE JVJ IN THE BACKGROUND OF WHO AM I 

jvj comforts not-jvj for a second!! (money note was FANTASTIC btw)

fantine being WOC and DYING in a modern hospital also is,,yeesh because. you know. racist doctors. 

jvj cries after fantine dies JUST STAB ME NOW OKAY—

confrontation is really funny when u see that javert has a GUN and jvj has A CHAIR

JVJ DID THE LIL RUN ON “live within my care” YAAAAY

(COAC-Master Of The House)

oh boy baby cosette,,so small,,so pure plus classic baby head shake when she sings I STAN

MADAME T LOOKS—OH GOOD GOD

DID SHE SPIT ON MY BABY--

cosette: “please do not send me out alone—“ madame t: “oooooh my gOOOOOD” omg 

what the fuck is thenardiers hair i—

WHAT THE FUCK IS THENARDIER IN G E N E R A L

random idea regarding thenardier’s prison tattoo: he has the same number on his chest that jvj has. Meaning he was in jail too. so why isn’t he as messed up as jvj? i wanna say maybe he was in for less time, but like. I doubt it. However, he has a whole ass gang. did the thenardier gang break their boss out of jail? please say yes 

him listing things for baby éponine to charge i love it

OH MY GOD THENARDIER FLAUNTS HIS NUMBER WHILE JVJ DOESNT!! jvj hides his past because he believes it will get him into better places (it does, he becomes mayor for god’s sake) while thenardier shows off his past with stubborn pride. while thenardier cheats his way to success, jvj lives an almost honest life where he ultimately suffers due to the stress all the hiding he does gives him

i love that éponine looks like neither of her parents,,,madame t got around huh? 

(The Bargain)

I JUST REALIZED THE STAGE HAS A CATWALK DOWN THE CENTER INTO THE AUDIENCE THAT IS THE COOLEST OMG

Instead of madame correcting thenardier on cosette’s name he asks cosette herself which prompts the CUTEST ANGRY YELL OF “it’s cosette!” I HAVE EVER SEEN

also thenardier fuckin MANHANDLING cosette i’m DYING

JVJ LOVES HER SM I AM SOFTTT

(The Beggars)

omg marius is so ADORABLE i love him

gavroche is a style icon

kid holding sign saying “my mom got laid off” POOR BB

i love éponine

that’s it that’s the note

wait a sec was that montparnasse with the prostitute earlier in beggars??

ALSO I SEE AZELMA AND OTHER THENARDIER KIDS PRESENT FOR “turn on the tears!!” THANK YOU FOR UTILIZING THAT LINE PROPERLY

why does enj have a bat?? If it;s not a bat then,,,what is it? someone please help me

marius saves cosette from bad guy gang!! 🥰🥰

bruh javert misses jvj running by like,,,MAYBE two seconds that is hilarious 

jav looks so done when thenardier is trying to get out of this lmao i love it

javert looks so cop-like it scares me

(Stars)

the line “safe behind bars” in stars kind of kills me here because as the audience you SEE the cruelty that the convicts face. you see the guy on the ground getting beaten you SEE the chains around their throats and yet. yet javert still somehow thinks that putting jvj in jail is safe? i think the thing to focus on here is not whether it’s safe, because it obviously isn’t. the focus is who it’s safer for, jean valjean or javert?

has it always been “your father” rather than “her father” when marius asks éponine to find where cosette lives?? if they changed it that is SMART because yk. jvj would be ALARMED if he found out he’d been found by éponine but he wouldn’t hurt her. he’s not the guy she has to worry about, it’s her own father. thenardier gave her a job and she’s straying from it, he’s what would endanger her.

THE PLAYFUL BOOP AND SHOVE FROM MARIUS 🥺🥺🥺

(The ABC Café)

“note-ruh daym”

hee hee pretty enjolras

pretty enjolras in skinny jeans even better

OOH we have,,,angry enjolras in this version o k a y

grantaire raises his hand before agog/aghast part omg

“i’ve never heard him ooOOOOh and aAAAAh *excited squeal*

“dan joo-wan” i love texas

bossuet spotted :)

longing gay looks NOT spotted :(

i love enjolras okay but this one is just,,,a little too aggressive. enjolras isn’t just angry all the time, he’s not that one dimensional. of course, there is more of the show to see and i hope he changes a little bit, but so far red and black isn’t doing much for me. enjolras is hopeful, not just angry.

A CAPELLA SECTION IN RED AND BLACK?? I think YES

the amis finding out lamarque is dead has “fuck trump just won the election” energy

okay i was hoping that enj would change his aggression thing when they find out lamarque is dead (bc that’s when most enjolrai figure out what may happen and kinda sober up yk) but. it doesn’t look like he did. there is hope for barricade scenes

OMG LIL NOTE ON COMBEFERRE GIVING OUT FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS: that is fucking pERFECT and yk why?? because it’s a call to action!! it’s less obvious in DYHTPS because they’re mostly singing to each other but later in epilogue when the words and melody is repeated, it’s meant as a call to action! “will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me?” is a cALL TO ACTION AND THEY ARE HANDING FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS—that’s officially the only way to break the fourth wall THANK YOU 

hey fantine doubles as a student i think!!

HARMONIES ARE C L E A N OOOOH

(In My Life-Heart Full Of Love)

okay yes i already love cosette because she plays awkward-teen-in-love-for-the-first-time PERFECTLY. 

book-ish cosette hell yes a cutie

father-daughter forehead kisses 🥺

awkward mARIUS TIMEEEEE

placing marius, éponine, and cosette in a triangle is a MARVELOUS decision thank u for that symbolism

marius checking if he looks good and ép giving him a thumbs up omg

*aggressively tries to sit normally* same cosette

*awkward curtsy* also same cosette 

(Attack On Rue Plumet)

robbery time let’s see how they do this

ooh marius and cosette run off but i can’t tell if they notice gang before running

thenardier fuckin SLICES éponine after her scream

NOOOO HER LIL WHIMPER AFTER BEING THREATENED AGAIN

(One Day More)

this lil part between robbery and one day more is interesting bc i legit have NO idea what jvj is thinking here. he keeps looking between his watch (i think it’s a watch idk) and cosette after she runs off to pack so like. what. is he doing here bc he looks like he’s choosing between two things but i don’t,,know,,what things

red berets on the amis are dope btw

i think marius is discussing what to do with éponine here, which is FUN because we all know why she goes to the barricade in the brick :’) éponine might be convincing marius to go to the barricade knowing this is her chance to die with him like in the book

omg

OMG

OMG

that stomp bit with the students was the coolest fucking thing i’ve ever seen

END OF ACT ONE

act two will be posted shortly :D

[lunnamars]

somebody wants you - chap 1

First attempt to write about LuNami, one of the ships I love the most!

A quick reminder that English is not my primary language, so forgive me for any mistakes. 

And our daily disclaimer: obviously, I don't own anything in One Piece because if I did, Luffy and Nami would already be together. Yeah.

You can read in AO3 and FFNET.

Chapter 1 - fissure

“Why the hell did you come with me, Luffy?”

Nami had been wondering that since the moment she left Sunny. Usually, the redhead tended to do the same activities during the time they stopped to recorder the Log Pose, especially while no fuss was yet to be settled. And as she believed that today would be no different, she thought she’d just need to divide the money between the crew members, say goodbye to everyone and go looking for her beloved clothing stores.

The magnetization would take around forty-eight hours, so it would be enough time for her to enjoy the city center, looking at stores after stores very calmly and still enjoy a little bit of the festival that would happen the other day.

I mean, if it weren't for the captain at her side.

For some reason, Luffy had stated loud and clear that he’d make company to Nami today and that "please, Usopp and Chopper don't cry" ("But they are already crying, Luffy.") because they would definitely explore the island together the next day.

That was an hour ago. Incredibly, neither Robin nor Sanji joined her and only the captain actually remained. Not that she minded spending time with the boy, quite the contrary - discreetly, Nami always tried to take advantage of any opportunities to be with him when it appeared.

After all, when you love someone, spending time together is always welcome.

Yeah. Love.

Not a crush, not an infatuation, let alone an affection from very close friends.

Currently, it was much more than that and Nami would no longer deny it.

The girl has been in denial for so long that since she finally managed to admit to herself that no, all this affection and concern can’t be just friendship, everything seemed to be much lighter. And it is not as if the whole world knew too - only Robin (and for the record, it was not of her own free will) because, let's face it, Nico Robin, unfortunately, is a very perceptive person.

Oh, and a certain pirate woman too.

So, as she knew that her archaeologist friend knew, Luffy's unexpected company could only be…

"Robin! She said that you needed my help!!". He happily exclaimed.

Sure. And in what exactly, Robin?

"I see... and she said what kind of help I needed?"

Nami was facing the fitting room mirror looking at the reflection of a completely electric Luffy running from side to side. As the redhead has been around for a long time, the captain's hyperactivity was nothing new, but she knew that the girl at the store was about to go crazy with so much random yukata that he picked it up and threw it in her hands.

"Tomorrow's festival! She said that you really wanted to go, but that neither she nor Sanji could help you choose the clothes, so she said I could and here I am! Nami, Nami ... look at this yukata? What do you think of this? Look at this one!! It's that-

"BE QUIET!!". Nami screamed and Luffy pouted.

"Namiiii-"

She had no option - she had to hit his head. And it's not that the navigator got angry by the captain's fussiness, but that she knew very well why Robin had suggested it and why Luffy had accepted it. But honestly, she just wanted to have a peaceful day.

She just wanted to have one day without thinking about Monkey D. Luffy.

But okay, Nami is a grown woman. Her times of throwing a tantrum with the boy and being angry because of her own feelings were no more. If fate (Can I also say that fate is called Robin?) decided that today she would have to endure all the shenanigans of her best friend, so be it. She is much more than her unrequited feelings.

Their friendship is much more than her unrequited feelings.

In reality, the redhead never got to confess. Today she can identify that these feelings have always existed since the moment Luffy put the straw hat on her head, but it was only five months ago that she finally realized. Coincidentally, when she met Boa Hancock, the Pirate Empress.

The navigator admits how childish she was - what she deciphered that could have been a serious crisis of jealousy. Nami never thought that she could feel this much jealousy in her life and it almost ended the spirituality of the Empress's visit. Right from the start, the redhead didn't like how Hancock talked to Luffy, how she hugged him, how she looked at him, let alone how she said over and over again that she was going to marry the boy.

This caused her to simply raise hell inside the Thousand Sunny, raging at anyone at any time and even being rude to the woman. Obviously this didn't go unnoticed by the captain and Nami is almost sure that it was the first time that Monkey D. Luffy called her out seriously, which left her feeling so apprehensive and guilty that, in the end, it was enough for her to wake up.

"I don't know what's your problem, but you're not acting normal. Hancock is our visit and she's my friend. I will not let anyone mistreat her, not even you, Nami."

On the same day, the navigator addressed the empress alone, apologized and gave a lame excuse that she didn't even remember, but she knew that the words of the beautiful pirate would be forever marked in her mind.

"I know you don't like me because you're in love with him. I completely understand and don't judge you. But deep down, you know you’re not enough for him, don't you? Don’t get me wrong, I’m saying this it's what I see. He’ll always have to save you and you will never be able to really pay for everything he did, don't you think? Are you sure you could live in such a relationship?"

Few things have hurt Nami deeply - the impotence in the face of the murder of Bell-mère, the inability to save her village from Arlong, the need to discard a good part of her childhood for a greater cause… and now, the words of Boa Hancock. Each sentence felt as if the empress was sticking a knife into her chest and turning. The raw truth of the shichibukai's words remained with Nami in the same way that her tattoo remained on her arm after all this time.

She remembers how much she cried that day hidden in the bathroom after the party for the Kujas pirates ended. Deep down, she knew it was all true - she loved Luffy more than anyone could imagine, she knew that he really always found a way to save her from any situation even if she didn't ask, but that she was always with a heavy heart because at any moment, what the hell would she do if he got hurt irreparably because of her own weakness? She knew it was an unbalanced relationship.

She knew all this.

It hurt to finally stop pretending to herself and at the same time discover that she really wasn't enough.

However, the other day, Nami was a totally different person with Hancock and the entire crew. No more angry faces or snarky remarks - she tried to be as nice as she could, since the empress, despite giving a dirty look at the two women on the crew, did no harm to the navigator. Besides, Nami was fully aware that she was acting like a child just because Hancock was right in all of her observations and all the redhead could do was just accept it.

Besides, it's not like Luffy has any idea what it means to like someone more than a nakama. Nami didn't even have to confess to know that the captain didn't really see her that way. Few words were necessary to confirm this fact and she would be lying if she said that his firm denial about the mere idea of ​​possibly being married to her had not hurt her either.

This escaped from his mouth shortly after Hancock's departure when Usopp and Chopper were messing with him about what he thought about marriage and romantic relationships since the beautiful pirate left no doubt about her true intention with Luffy. One word leads to another and Usopp, incredibly impertinent, asked if he had already thought about this type of thing about his female crewmates.

"Haa? No!! Robin is too old and Nami doesn't always do something fun. I don't think it would work, shishishi."

It really took the redhead by surprise - so much that she couldn't even hit him in the head for being rude. The reaction (or lack of) did not go unnoticed by the Straw Hats, much less by Luffy. He had the usual silly and innocent smile on his face, but when he realized that Nami just stared at him with no expression, the captain became confused and soon he started to panic thinking that his friend would hit him and "please Nami, don't do anything, sorry, sorry"-

In fact, the navigator did nothing. After a few seconds, she merely gave a fake laugh and agreed with Luffy ("Maybe you're right, Captain."), but everyone realized that since then their relationship has changed almost imperceptibly just because Nami was good at lying. But secretly, everyone was trying to fix this "something" that seemed to have been broken in the past few months, but that nobody knew exactly what it was.

Not even Nami knew. She tried to not show anything, but unconsciously, she started to avoid fondling with Luffy's hair (although she is often unsuccessful), tried not to wear the hat anymore when he puts it on her head, started to draw maps more often in the library, walked away when they were to close. Still, she still enjoyed every moment she could have with the rubber boy while maintaining a safe distance between the two. Since then, Nami has been stuck in this duality of wanting to get close, but at the same time to move away.

It's not as if an abyss had formed between them, but there was a slightly open fissure so that she knew where she should be when he was completely out of her reach.

It was also unnecessary to say how much she cried hidden in the bathroom for two days. And that's when Nico Robin found out. Nami really had no intention of telling anyone - it would be the secret she would keep under lock and key. But Robin... Robin was very observant and intelligent. Obviously, she noticed how Nami came back with puffy eyes in those two days that followed the captain's statement.

On the third day, the navigator cried on her friend's lap.

Initially, Nami tried to be as discreet as possible, but something told her that Luffy had noticed and since the Empress's fateful visit, the captain tried to get close to her whenever he could. She got tired of telling the boy that it was okay, that she hadn't been upset, that he doesn’t need to worry, but for some reason, he still persisted.

The funny thing is that Luffy, in one way or another, taught her and showed her several things, including what was a broken heart.

"Luffy, honestly, you didn't have to come. You could have gone for a walk on the island with Usopp and Chopper, no biggie. And tomorrow, I just intended to stop by the festival and go back to Sunny."

The girl sighed heavily as she smoothed the boy's dark hair. Of course she wanted to spend time with him (while not - and she gave a double sigh because nothing seemed to make sense in the last few months), but Nami would not impose her presence on someone who wasn't in the mood to enjoy it. Initially, she felt super offended and enraged every time she thought about how they almost never go out just the two of them during stops around the islands because he always ran to be close to Usopp, Chopper or Zoro, but nowadays she simply accepted that this is how it is.

Deep down, she wanted him to yearn for her company just as she craved for his, but you can't have everything, right? Luffy's friendship is one of the most valuable things that she possessed and she definitely would not lose everything due to selfish desires on her part.

Luffy accepted the pat on his head and just tilted his face expressionlessly.

"You don't want me to stay here, Nami?". His suddenly serious tone really surprised her.

"Of course I want. I just don't want to make you do something you don't want to do, you idiot. I can manage here without any problems. I'm sure you would rather go exploring the island than to look at clothes with me, nee Lu-"

"Would you prefer Sanji instead?". Luffy asked in his characteristic blunt way and Nami was startled again. I usually want your company, you idiot in a hat, the redhead thought, holding on the urge to roll her eyes.

"Haa? I didn't say that. I just meant that you would have more fun if you had gone with Usopp or Chopp-"

"Yoshi!! If you don't mind, then let's continue, Nami!! There are still other yukatas here that I separated- Oe, Nami! What time is the festival? Do we still have time??". The boy opened his eyes comically and Nami held on tightly to keep from laughing. He himself just said that the festival was tomorrow and has already forgotten. It's almost impossible to be upset with you, you fool!

“Calm down, Luffy. The festival is only tomorrow. Let's do this way: you finish helping me choose a yukata for the festival, then I buy you ice cream and you're free, what do you think?”

"Ice cream?? I want ice cream, Nami! Now?"

Another hit on the head.

"Didn't you hear what I just said, you moron??!! AFTER!!”

Luffy pouted and Nami almost gave in but preferred to keep her scowl on. The captain really managed to be uncontrollable when he wanted to.

"Okay, but you have to help me too, Nami! I’ll need clothes to go to the festival and you always say that I dress badly, but I’ll show you that you’re crazy and wrong."

"Are you going to the festival?? Why?? And… c-c-crazy? …CRAZY??"

The redhead raised her arm to beat Luffy up, but he was faster - he threw the yukatas on the floor and ran. But before leaving for the men's store, he looked at Nami from head to toe and said in a simple and cheerful way something she never imagined hearing from him.

"You look very beautiful, Nami! I think this is the best you have tried so far!! Shishishi."

And she could neither answer nor prevent her face from blushing.

.

.

.

.

.

バカ baka.

[glassprism]

Since you're also in other fandoms, are there any ships/pairings you like? Who's your favourite pairing in POTO? Who are your favourite characters (from POTO to all your other fandoms) and why? Ooh, here's a rather unusual one: who's your favourite side character (name one for all your fandoms!) and why?

Yeah, definitely! Though whether some can be counted as actual “ships” is debatable, as you’ll see in a bit.

For Phantom, my favorite “ship” is the love triangle - E/C/R. Not in a polyamorous, threesome way, but one where I love the dynamics of the characters, the way they affect one another, the ways Erik and Raoul are similar and different. So it’s not quite a “ship” in a traditional sense where I want characters to end up with each other, but more in the sense that I like to explore and analyze them.

As for other “ships” or pairings, I’m just going to list, like, every fandom or random-ass thing I’ve ever loved in semi-chronological order (time to go back to my middle school fandoms!). Under the cut for length.

Harry Potter: Sirius Black and Harry Potter. I adored the godfather-godson bond between the two (absolutely no romance; I clicked on an mpreg fic of the two when I was but a wee lass of twelve and it scarred me): how Harry was the last living reminder of Sirius’s best friend, whose death he still feels responsible for; how Sirius is the parental figure Harry wanted, how they were never able to be happy god damn it Rowling. (You can imagine how much my eleven year old self cried when I read the fifth book. Oh boy, the tears.)

Star Wars: Vader and Luke. Again, totally familial, father-son relationship only. (Speaking of scarring experiences, I once stumbled on a romance fic between the two, where yes, both of them were still father and son, and I have that summary etched into my brain permanently.) The way Vader obsessively hunts down Luke, the first emotional connection he has had with a person in literal decades! The way Luke has just ached all his life for a father figure, to the point where he will take a homicidal Sith lord if that’s who he is! How he never gives up on trying to redeem him! How Luke is right. Loud screeching.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Will Turner and Bootstrap Bill and Will Turner and Henry Turner. More sad father-son dynamics (you may be noticing a pattern here). Repeat what I said with the Star Wars relationships, only with more pirates and less homicide. (And way more parental abandonment guilt.)

Halloween: Michael Myers and Laurie Strode,  remake universe. Yet again, no romance, just a severely messed-up brother-sister relationship. I can’t begin to tell you why I like the horrific relationship between a serial killer and the little sister he was so obsessed with he ruined her life, completely traumatized her, and ended up leading to her death, but I do. Maybe it’s the dark obsession aspect of it, that in the midst of all his murders, there’s still one person Michael Myers longs to have a connection with, the baby sister who represented total innocence in his mind. Maybe it’s the “what could have been” aspect too, as Laurie never recognizes him or realizes their connection until it’s far too late. Maybe I need to re-examine my life choices. I’ll figure it out someday.

Bat Boy The Musical: Bat Boy/Shelley. Yes, this is a romance; yes, they are half-brother and half-sister, yes, you can get on me about this, but in my defense how about you watch the musical and NOT come out of it shipping these two against all your better instincts.

POTO: E/C/R, as stated above and for all those reasons. Oh, and you know what - The Phantom and Gustave from Love Never Dies. Can’t get away from those father-son ships. I actually care about that relationship than E/C or R/C in LND (maybe because both E/C and R/C suck in the sequel so what else am I going to latch onto).

Batman: Listed here, but my heart really lies with three ships. Jaytim is the first: it’s the whole “angry woobie destroyer of worlds who hates everyone meets seemingly well-adjusted and cheerful individual who is secretly hiding their own issues” dynamic. Bane/Talia from The Dark Knight Rises is the second. Doesn’t matter if it’s familial, friendship, protector and protectee, or romantic, I eat it up, and to be fair, it’s never explicitly stated what the relationship is in the movie. All we know is that the two grew up together in a hellhole prison, probably dependent on and solely trusting only one another, and that bond continues even after they leave, and not even death will make them leave one another. Finally, we have Jason Todd/therapy from the Arkham games. Because the poor guy needs it.

MCU: STEVE/BUCKY (aka Stucky). This ship (again, could be friendship or romantic) dominated my thoughts for four years. Steve’s fish-out-of-water status! Bucky’s horrific imprisonment under Hydra. The way the two find each other after and the angst. The fact that Steve refuses to kill Bucky and, even after seventy years, succeeds in breakthing through to him because their connection runs that deep. The fact that Marvel just ruined this relationship so now I have to rely on fanfic. Oh yes, and I also slowly fell into the Kastle ship (Frank Castle aka The Punisher and Karen Page). Another “hardened killer with sad backstory who connects to idealistic young woman with hidden darkness” dynamic.

Terminator: T-800 aka “Uncle Bob” and John Connor. Returning to sad father-son dynamics, I have this from Terminator 2. A robot learning emotions! A boy learning to take his place as a leader and all-loving hero. The bond they form, partially because the T-800 will do nothing else but protect John and partially because John has no father-figure of his own, so his robot bodyguard will do. THE ENDING.

ASOIAF/GOT: I actually have very few ships from here other than Arya/Gendry (and only when they’re older) and, weirdly, Theon/Sansa from the show. The Gendrya ship is just cute, it may well be the most wholesome ship on here, while Theonsa has shades of Stucky in it, I suppose, given that Theon has been tortured so badly he can barely remember his own name, until Sansa turns up and reminds him enough that he breaks out of it to help her.

Favorite characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: My favorite characters from here are probably more side characters, so I’ll just say Hermione Granger. Her focus on academics, fear of failure, and conviction that the library holds all the answers, felt all too reminiscent of myself.

Star Wars: Darth Vader,  no contest whatsoever. Cool mask, cool cape, cool lightsaber, and the absolute worst life one can imagine.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Interestingly, Will Turner. Yeah, I guess Jack Sparrow is cool and Elizabeth is absolutely awesome to watch and has the greatest change in the series, but oh-so-serious Will, with his deep loyalties and slow slide into moral ambiguity because of those loyalties, fascinates me.

Halloween: Laurie Strode, all versions. My favorite final girl, my survivor of trauma (except in the remake, where, well, she doesn’t survive). Also, her daughter in the Thorn trilogy, Jamie Lloyd, the most tragic little girl to walk across a horror movie screen.

Bat Boy The Musical: Ah, wow, haven’t thought about this. I guess Bat Boy and Shelley, more by default than anything.

POTO: Christine Daae, no contest. Love her character, love her arc, love her songs, love her costumes.

Batman: Listed here.

MCU: Bucky Barnes (unless he counts as a side character), but I also love Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Karen Page, Elektra Natchios... and I’ll leave it at that.

Terminator: John Connor. (There’s a reason I haven’t watched Dark Fate yet... or ever.)

ASOIAF/GOT: Three of them! Daenerys Targaryen, who I love because she tries so hard to rule well, who is so observant and cognizant of the things going on around her. Then Sansa Stark, who makes such astounding growth, who retains her empathy and compassion throughout, who is capable of startling perception and insight which most others underestimate. And finally, Cersei Lannister. She’s terrible. I love her.

And favorite side characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: Sirius Black may well have been my first fictional crush. But Remus Lupin is the kind of person (and teacher) I aspire to be.

Batman: I swear, depending on the comic series or movie, everyone is a side character. I’ll just link to my old ask again.

Star Wars: Batman syndrome all over again; every character in Star Wars might be a side character elsewhere, and every side character gets to be the main character of their own comic, book, movie, etc. Erm... I really liked Rose from the sequel trilogy and Chirrut Imwe from Rogue One. I find Mara Jade from the Legends universe fun to read. WAIT I GOT IT - Queen Amidala’s handmaidens from Episode I (Sabe, Rabe, Eirtae, Yane, Sache). Highly trained in both politics, decorum, and weaponry, able to be utterly nondescript or the Queen’s decoy at the drop of a hat? I love.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Hmm... you know what, I thought Syrena the mermaid was pretty cute.

Halloween: Rachel Carruthers! Your typical girl-next-door but well done and with a touching relationship with her foster sister. I will die mad about her death in the fifth movie.

Bat Boy The Musical: Uh.... I’ll get back to you on this...

POTO: Carlotta is super fun.

MCU: Oh heck, Dottie Underwood. (My taste in female characters goes like this: a) intelligent and observant, 2) sweet and compassionate, 3) batsh*t insane. She’s the third.)

Terminator: Not sure how much of a side character she is, but Kate Connor. Wife and second-in-command to John Connor, able to heal wounds and kick butt depending on what the movie requires.

ASOIAF/GOT: I’ll probably think of someone else, but you know what? Queen Rhaenys Targaryen, younger sister and wife to Aegon the Conqueror, whom he wed out of desire. Playful, spirited, loved to fly, sponsored musicians, initiated reforms for the smallfolk, what’s not to love? (Apart from one possibility of her death... but we don’t talk about that.)

[bluemoonpunch]

Regarding spirituality, which stage of conscious awareness has reached each Bangtan member? [anonymous @ bluemoonpunch(.)com]

I thought this was kind of interesting because I haven’t done a reading like this for them in a long time. This is focused purely on the state of their conscious level awareness, which can relate to aspects of the ascension process and their personal integration process, as well as their separation, however, it is more geared towards personal thought process and self-awareness as it relates to the expansion of personal perspective.

Overall, collectively, between the seven of them, there is the 9 of Pentacles which gave me this image of a full basket, like someone just went to the grocery store and filled up a basket and they’re getting ready to check out. They’re not fully out of the store yet, but they have what they need. Their state of mind, their outlooks, are what they need to be right now, their perception of themselves and the world around them are exactly what they need at this current moment. It’s stabilized, it’s grounded, it’s all kind of rooted in and come into bloom as the 9 of Pentacles would suggest, but there is that limited feel to it. Like what blooms will surely wilt, what you have in your basket will surely run out at some point. It’s temporary, as all perspectives, mindsets, and outlooks are, but, again, it’s as it should be right now.

Namjoon — 10 of Cups

This is a massively optimistic outlook, but it’s so massive that it’s like he’s really trying to build it up and maintain it. It feels like he’s trying to paint the picture of the 10 of Cups big enough that it completely blocks out anything else that he may come across or experience. He wants to — I think we all know this — see the bright side of everything, see the potential in everything, and see life in general as this limitless abundance. The 10 of Cups does feel like a dream, it is just Water energy, it’s very internal and emotional, so it does feel like there’s the awareness of this not being “realistic,” as in it’s not something that can be experienced without an effort behind it. The world isn’t just going to suddenly be sunshine in rainbows on its own, there is a conscious level choice to specifically focus on the positive and to find the positive. He’s learning how to do this and, as I mentioned a million years ago in his Elemental Alignment reading, he teaches while he learns, so this is being spread to people that pay attention to what he says and does.

Jin — The Moon

This isn’t that different from what I usually get for him other than that this is very internally focused, or more like it’s externally focused, but from a deeper internal perspective. Usually Jin is kind of looking at everything from above, seeing things and doing things outside of everyone else’s line of sight and from there he operates flawlessly and progresses really smoothly. I kept seeing this as going back and forth between the Sun and the Moon in terms of his perspective. Both are in the sky, both are looking down on everyone and everything else, being observant, but the general energy or mindset from which they look down on everything is very different. In the last like 15 or so readings that I’ve done for BTS, I’ve talked about the integration process and the symbolism of integrating the Sun, or the will of the soul. This is what that is making me think of. The perspective of the Sun is very charged up and will-oriented, very Divine Masculine, while the Moon is more receptive and intuitive, very Divine Feminine. 

Jin is looking at things as he always has, but he’s doing so in a way where it feels like he’s finding more meaning in things that he once only looked at superficially. He’s finding significance in people, places, things, experiences that settle with him on a deeper, more emotional level. He’s taking things in more. “Stop to smell the roses,” is a phrase that comes to mind with this. He’s sort of enjoying the moment, living in the moment, rather than fully being wrapped up in what’s coming next, what he has to do, where he has to go, who he has to be. 

Yoongi — 4 of Cups

This card actually came out two times for him. The first time I was shuffling for his card a whole heap of them flew out onto my desk and the 4 of Cups was the only one upright and I thought that was the card, but I’m like really annoying and refuse to take cards when they’ve been rude and flung a whole stack all around and made a mess. So, I put it back and shuffled again and the 4 of Cups came out again on its own — much more polite. 

This energy feels really weird for Yoongi like it feels… small? Or it feels much more contained than what I’m used to feeling for him, especially considering the last big reading that I did for him in the current state was his External Alignment reading last year which showed his energy to be very strained. Of course, we are just looking at the conscious level perception, so the fact that this feels so small may be because there’s an effort in… shrinking that strain… you know what I mean? Like, the 4 of Cups always hits me in two ways — either someone is trying to meditate and receive something, or someone is being handed something and they’re not aware of it because they’re sleeping, but here it feels more like the 4 of Swords, which is about intentionally allowing yourself to rest and relax, to unwind and drift. With the focus on Water energy here, it feels more intuitive, energetic, spiritual. So, if I were to really force my perspective, it would be like he actually is meditating more, or he’s allowing himself to step back and take a break, or he’s not trying to force himself one way or the other. 

With his energy, a lot of the times, he really pushes and pushes and pushes against certain currents that he’s in, like he’s genuinely got a fighting spirit in that sense, but here there is a conscious level attempt to just not do that anymore. He’s trying to honor his Water energy, honor his natural flow, and kind of let his Fire energy relax a bit. Similar to Jin, it’s just this vibe of not leaving the current position, but approaching the current position from a new lens.

Hoseok — 10 of Swords / Kook — 8 of Swords

Hoseok and Kook have the only “negative” cards in the mix and they’re both of the suit of Swords, both dealing with very conscious level mental energy, logical thought. There’s not a lot of stimulation here to the aspect of communication on either side, it’s very personal and very isolated. They’re both kind sitting in the same space, going through the same process, but because of their different levels of progression as well as maturity and experiences, they are definitely going through the motions of this very differently.

Both sides are purging a lot of old mindsets and outlooks, making room for something new. Hoseok, with the 10 of Swords, is like almost aggressively trying to shift himself consciously into a new frame of mind, but it feels like he’s trying to fit his perception emotionally to what he sees through a more objective lens. I was seeing this as him trying to completely eradicate any mentality that does not align with what he experiences externally, as in getting rid of any self-doubt, insecurity, fear, or resentment that doesn’t fit his experience with his life now with all of his success, both personally and with the group. He’s trying to initiate a complete collapse in his PERCIEVED reality in order to completely see things separate from his emotions — very Aquarius of him. 

Then Kook is over there pulling some Virgo shit, doing the exact same thing, but he’s doing it piece by piece, which seems tedious and annoying because it’s almost like once he puts down one thing to focus on another, the thing he just put down starts to fester again. I was seeing his card, the 8 of Swords, as this process where the woman, is aware that she is blindfolded and bound — bound to limiting mindsets — and so she actually is proactive and tries to get out of it. However, her way of doing this involves her like feeling the swords around her, touching them to see which one is the sharpest or the cleanest, or the whatever. She’s trying to pick which sword to pull out of the ground and use to cut her own bindings even though she could totally just pick one at random and call it a day. 

It’s almost like he doesn’t have the capacity the way Hoseok does to just kind of take everything on at once in terms of internal assessment and clearing, so he has to break things down. He’s doing it as if this is a process of deliberate action, but really this is more like a very slow and tedious process of becoming a bit more self-aware. 

The best way to really show the difference here is to look at the images of the 10 of Swords and the 8 of Swords. They share similar compositions with all 10 or 8 swords being presented stood up vertically across the entire image. The only difference is that in the 10 of Swords, the person is laying horizontally on the ground, stabbed and pinned by all ten swords, while in the 8 of Swords, the person is stood up vertically alongside all of the swords, still blending in with them. It’s almost like Kook is trying to compromise or find an easy method to pulling things out — actually, no that’s what it is.

It’s like Kook is trying to pull the swords out while Hoseok is trying to push the swords in. These are two different methods to which people will approach emotional and mental clearing when it is being initiated consciously. They will either try to simply yank out the issue or the block by the root and release its influence over them, or they will try to integrate the mindset, the experience, whatever in order to understand the purpose or the lesson of it, and from there operate with it from a more positive and beneficial perspective. 

So, yeah, they’re doing the same thing, but with different methods and the matter of maturity or understanding is coming in as this thing where Hoseok has enough self-awareness to know that he has to reset and heal broken bones, while Kook, a bit more lost in the wind, is trying to just amputate a broken limb.

Jimin — 8 of Pentacles / Taehyung — 7 of Pentacles

Just like Hoseok and Kook, Taehyung and Jimin are in the same boat, but they’re actually doing things in a mirrored or balanced process. This could mean that they are in a state of working together to kind of better themselves or they’ve made similar goals in terms of how they want to see themselves and the world around them and they’ve kind of teamed up in a way to help each other do this. It actually seems kind of straightforward and obvious, but I still can’t figure out exactly how to explain it, so I’ll just try to break it down as finely as possible and hopefully, it will just spell itself out.

So, first off, these are both Pentacles, they’re both Earth energy, very physical, very grounded, very superficial. Compared to everyone else, they are very externally focused and driven, but not in a way where it’s like FIRE energy, action-oriented kind of focus. It’s just a hyper-awareness of the physical form or of the superficial aspect of themselves. 

Jimin is there with the 8 of Pentacles. He’s carving his physical form, his superficial presence out. With all of those pentacles, it’s like there’s this sense of trial and error, trying things on, trying on different ways of being in order to see what really fits and what balances between his internalized true self and the external persona that is more for the audience. Then on the other side, you have Taehyung with the 7 of Pentacles, which I was seeing as him having finished his pentacles and already having them on display for people to see as they are, no tampering, no carving, just kind of there. 

For anyone that’s read a lot of my BTS readings where Taehyung and Jimin are featured, perhaps you’ve noticed something interesting. Compared to what they usually project, it’s almost like they’ve switched places. 

Typically, as I’ve seen it for a long time, Taehyung is one to “carve his personality,” — flashback to his Elemental Alignment readings (part 1 + part 2) with all the masks and the split core — while Jimin was always very on display in his readings, to the point where I had to constantly take stuff out of my notes and out of his readings because it was just too “on display,” he’s almost too open to people. They’ve traded that here in this process and now Jimin is trying to carve his persona, while Taehyung is trying to display himself as he is without any tampering. 

Now, with how they operated before with Taehyung having his masks and Jimin being an open and honest beam of light, there was a lot of negative, or just hindering results which caused Jimin to be very receptive to and open for criticism and attack from external influences (hate and shit) while Taehyung was very tightly wound and would only express solid emotion when it was literally too much for him to hold — I said before in a post somewhere that if he’s crying openly and it seems like he’s at a level 4, he’s really at a level 9 in terms of emotional distress. And yes, even tears of joy would be considered distress for him because he would be experiencing an overload nonetheless.

So, they are supporting each other here because they are adopting each other’s methods, but in a way where it balances out their own previous perspectives. When they combine both of those aspects together within themselves as individuals, it becomes open honesty with clear and necessary boundaries, it becomes more healthy in how they understand and express themselves with others.

More Mini-Readings | Celebrity/Idol Readings 

[mccartneysguitar]

fake love

pairings: paul mccartney x reader

word count: 1.8k

request: speaking of a fake dating fic, do you think you could do a paul x reader where he has to date her to “improve his image” or something and then all the other boys start to notice that he actually really likes her

sorry for ghosting on all of you, I was on spring break but I am back now ✌🏽

You were unsure when your publicist told you the scheme he had concocted with Brian Epstein, the manager for The Beatles. Brian, for the most part, allowed the boys run free, not hovering over them like a nanny.  This time though the recent scandal was reaching new heights and was worried over the perception of the boys, he had to come up with a plan that would keep their image intact.

The Beatles were a phenomenon over in Britain but it had yet to reach the same height in the US which is where your star status would help them. You had just started your career in Hollywood and while you were well known in the US, there was not much recognition overseas. It was a beneficial transaction and nothing more than that, as long as you kept all feelings out of it you would be fine.

That was how you found yourself in London, it was your first time there and you couldn’t help but stare out the window in awe. The ride to their studio did not take as long as you would have expected, their traffic did not compare to what you usually faced.

Once you arrived at their studio you were a bit underwhelmed. It was nothing like the flashy Hollywood studios. Following your publicist inside you noticed their album covers lined the hallway alongside photographs of them. You had to admit they were a handsome group and there could be worse people to be ‘dating’. A part of you was nervous, not knowing much about them other than their good looks and a couple of their songs.

In the recording room, Paul was sitting next to John focused intently on the papers in front of him. George and Ringo were off on the other side of the room, playing with what you believe were marbles? In those few moments of observations, you were able to see a lot of their personality shine through, the workaholics and the relaxed ones.

Brian made his way over, shaking your hand, “I’m so glad you were able to make it. I hope you found your flight enjoyable?”

You nodded, “Yes, I was able to catch up on my sleep and read up a bit. This is my first time in London and I have to say it is not quite what I expected. Thank you for having us.”

“That’s great to hear, hopefully, once you have time to explore it will meet all your expectations. Boys, please do pay attention. This is YN, remember the talk we had. Best behavior please.” He called over through the speaker. Three pair of heads snapped to attention, with one of them seemingly glaring at you. You entered the room to properly introduce yourself, smiling shyly at them.

“Oh don’t worry about John. He doesn’t have his glasses that’s why he’s staring at you like a mad man. I’m George and this is Ringo.” He remarked with a grin. You, of course, knew who they were and nodded.

“That one over there lost in his world is your prince charming, Paul.” Ringo chimed in. You grimaced at his statement unable to control your reaction. They caught on to your reaction and let out a roar of laughter, catching the attention of Paul. He was, after all, a well-known player and you did not want to be a name in his back book, you were here for your job and nothing else.

You managed a small smile and introduced yourself to Paul. Just as you were going to ask him a question Brian and your publicist came into the room, ready to mediate the oncoming conversation. They all knew of the situation and how the press had a field day with his escapades. YN was being brought in to change that, Hollywood’s sweetheart, would surely not be dating a philanderer.

“Now YN has a premiere coming up. If YN were to take Paul as her date that would bring a lot of attention to the couple.”

“Yes, and as for Paul’s commitments having YN appear at the concerts and be seen around with him in London would be more than enough.”

“What about me and Ringo? “

Brian just sighed already tired of their antics, “What about you and Ringo?”

“Does YN have any model friends she can introduce us to? I don’t think its fair Paul gets to have all the fun.” George whined. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know with a face like yours I don’t think my friends will mind at all.” You said with a wink.

Paul cleared his throat and said, “We start our tour in the coming week, I reckon you should visit me on a couple of stops? This is also your first time in London, I hear. Do you want a tour?”

You turned to your publicist as if asking for approval and nodded. “Great,” he said as he grabbed his coat. You could hear the teasing the boys were giving Paul, as he scoffed and threw them a look.

Knowing that there would be onlookers and possible photographers in the city you entwined your hand with his and excitingly pulled him along to see the streets of London. While you did appreciate having someone who knew the area with you, you always preferred to get lost in the city.

While at first, it was a bit awkward you realized he was naturally a flirt and really easy to get a long with. You realized that fake dating him wasn’t going to be hard as you thought it was, he was someone you could actually be friends with.

***

When Paul arrived at your door nearly an hour early before you were set to leave you were a bit surprised.

“I brought these for you,” he said as he handed you a bouquet of flowers.

You couldn’t help but smile as you took it from him, “These are my favorite, how did you know?”

He stuffed his hands in his pocket looking abashed he responded, “You mentioned it a while back.”

“Thank you, they are very lovely. You can come to my room, I am almost done getting ready. How are you finding California so far?” You questioned as you made your way back to your room. He followed after and took in the room, messing around with the trinkets and clothing you had lying around.

Wearing a barrage of your random accessories he sauntered over to you, “It is hotter than the last time I was here. I’m going to return permanently red at this pace. What do you say, YN? Am I ready for the red carpet?”

Stifling a laugh you responded seriously, “I think you look absolutely stunning,”

***

You knew there was going to be a lot of press at the premiere of your latest film but this was on another level. Their attention all turned to you and Paul the moment you stepped on the carpet. Their yells to pose for them or give them a smile was a roar to you.

Paul could sense your uneasiness and squeezed your hand giving you a small comforting smile. It was an instinct that you leaned forward and kissed his cheek. The look of shock and his slight blush did not escape either you or the camera.

Over the next couple of months, the press was all over your relationship, how you had tamed his ways and your favorite how you had him wrapped around your finger; which unfortunately was all a ruse. A part of you wished your relationship was real but you knew he preferred to be with his groupies and slew of random women and so you stifled your feelings and continued to play the part of his fake girlfriend.

Paul for his part had stopped with the groupies and the random flings. It wasn’t an intentional thing, no he just didn’t feel the same excitement he used to get. He was slowly falling for YN without knowing.

Paul during the last couple of shows had somehow always managed to bring up YN in conversation. They would be out exploring when Paul would happen across a candy store and mutter out, “Those are YN’s favorite candies, I should get some for her.”

“You sure you aren’t really dating her Paul?” Ringo questioned.

“No, you know this is all part of the scheme.”

“AlL pArT oF tHe ScHeMe. Sure. You talk more about her than any of your real ex-girlfriends. YN this, YN that. You’re making me jealous.” John fired out.

“He’s right ya know.”

“Shut it the lot of you.”

For the rest of the day, Paul kept thinking about what Ringo and John said. Sure he did spend a lot of with you but it was to help his image and not to mention you never failed to brighten his day. Whether it was taking a walk or just hanging out at his apartment listening to music it was never a boring time. The near-daily phone calls when he was away on tour, it had become more than the plan.

The realization of how he felt finally hit him, he loved you. Emboldened by his realization he called you from his hotel room. It rang two times before you eagerly answered, already knowing who it was.

“YN, I have to get something off my chest. I know this was all a plot but somehow along the way, I fell for you. Just your smile makes me feel things I have never felt before. When I’m away from you every little thing I see makes me think of you. I would deal with Hollywood and the California sun just to be with you every day. I think I love you, YN.” Paul blurted out not wasting any time with pleasantries.

You paused for a second taking his words. You opened your mouth to respond but it was as if you had forgotten how to speak.

“I uh- can I call you back?” You managed to mutter out before hanging up. You were overwhelmed, it felt like you were dreaming. You had to pinch yourself several times before realizing it wasn’t a dream.

***

Paul was moping in the room, playing random tunes on the piano. The day had passed by without YN calling back, he felt like an idiot ruining what he had with them by confessing. His brooding was interrupted by a series of hurried knocks.

“Leave me alone John,” he yelled out. The knocking continued.

He dragged himself from the piano to send John away but was met with YN at the door.

Before he was able to say anything YN immediately pulled him into a kiss and muttered out, “I think I love you too.”

[meimi-haneoka]

Thoughts on Chapter 34 of CCS Clear Card

Aaaaand here we are again, at that time of the month, ready to talk and scream (?) about another of Clear Card’s chapters! Sakura and Syaoran have sorted out their problems, no more lies and secrets between them, Sakura even had the chance to witness in front of her eyes how her wishes can instantly turn into “incidents”, and her resolute face at the end of Chapter 33 hinted that she’s not gonna succumb to her fate!

What possibly could go wrong?

CLAMP:

UNDER THE CUT!!

The calm before the storm

First of all, I have to admit it. Those talking with me on the Clow Kingdom discord server might have already heard this, but this chapter left me totally disoriented. I don’t know whether it’s due to CLAMP not planning the storyboard properly (unlikely) or because it was supposed to feel like this, as the focus is all on the cliffhanger on the final pages (after all, this is future volume 7′s last chapter), but the feeling I got is that the flow of events is a bit rushed. We have many POV in this chapter, first we’re with the kids, then Kero and Suppi, then Nakuru and Yukito, then the kids again. 32 pages might not have been enough to develop everything properly, but we had to arrive to that cliffhanger.

And some things look definitely off. Like, Tomoyo is finally made aware of the fact that Sakura is the one creating the cards. And her reaction is “Oooh.” . She’s totally....unfazed? o_o Even seeing the Clear Card that represents her, she just comments with “まあ”?! Ok, Tomoyo might not be a drama queen ok no scratch that, she totally is, but I expected a bit more of surprise from her. Instead, she gushed over the Rewind card’s cuteness and started her usual ranting about recording this and that. It’s getting a bit repetitive and stereotypical, CLAMP? Tomoyo is so much more than that. She may not be my favorite ever but I do like her and her perceptiveness. I went so far that I even imagined she already knew Syaoran was the one behind the Sakura Card’s disappearance. So much for that. I hope CLAMP will find the time to bring out a shiny moment for Tomoyo, as I understand that the pages are what they are, and they have to develop the plot for the new characters, so they inevitably have to sacrifice the screen time of other characters.

We have a brief moment of Suppi explaining everything to Kero, and here I go “eh?” again at the story: Sakura says “Kero-chan is at home, this morning a guest came over” .... Ok? Did Sakura see that it was Suppi??? DIDN’T SHE INSTANTLY GO “WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR ELUSIVE MASTER?” on him??? Ok maybe not with those terms, but....isn’t she surprised, didn’t she ask him why he was there? Again, a totally confusing part. We’ll see if that’ll get explained later on. We have a cute moment between the two small guardians, and again we have a character who acts nonchalantly about the situation, justifying it with “It’s Sakura. She’s gonna do something about it.”

DUDE

I wouldn’t want to break your world made of unicorns and tasty gourmet dishes, but this is exactly the reason why Sakura is in the situation she is, right now!!  It’s a problem she’s got in herself and she can’t do much about it, at the moment. This is what she is. A 12/13 year old girl with a scary amount of power in herself, that is growing by the minute (and we’ll see how, in this chapter). A power she can’t control. Sakura being Sakura is the source of the problem in itself.

I know, it’s supposed to show that he’s totally trusting his mistress, like he effectively says to Suppi. But he’s the 2nd character out of 3 who is acting in a  way too relaxed manner, in this chapter.

The third one is Yukito. It’s Nakuru to remark this fact, adding that it’s better that way. Sure, if everyone started feeling gloomy it would be a big mess. But even being too relaxed, in a situation like this, might lead them to overlook important things. BTW, it seems Eriol arranged paperwork to enroll Nakuru in college! That’s totally an Eriol move! XD Keeping Nakuru and Yukito together without disrupting Yukito’s normal life, great idea.

Sakura’s anxiety

But it’s when the kids arrive to the classroom, that the “fun” starts. The girls are talking about the swimming class they will have today, and Sakura is her usual cheerful self.

Then, Akiho arrives.

Sakura turns around normally, but when she sees her, anxiety start churning inside of her.

Sakura, who never ever felt anything about Akiho, not even after Kaito rewound time, feels something is wrong with her friend. The moment we’ve been waiting for 26 chapters. But there’s more, she can’t shake the feeling even during the swimming class (OFFICIAL SCHOOL SWIMSUITS, BTW!! they’re even more conservative than before and it’s alright XDD).

Of course, eh, her frown doesn’t escape observative-boyfriend-Syaoran's stare. She asks him if he can feel something from Akiho, and he says no, AND HE’S NOT LYING DAMMIT, he really can’t feel anything, but how can he explain ALL THE REST to her, with the spell placed upon him? Of course, this is Syaoran we’re talking about, so he tries to say something anyway, and finds himself not emitting a single sound. See, there’s so much to talk about in so few pages, like how we’re again presented with the fact that Akiho is similar to Sakura in the good reflexes too, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER Sakura’s smile to Akiho is so forced and lukewarm that you CAN really feel something is terribly wrong. Or, how we cannot talk about the first YAMACHIHA FLIRTING SCENE EVER?? I was so happy, in a moment of such tension those two managed to give us a breather before going back to the utter mess that is about to unfold. I love those two and their relationship <3

BUT LOOK WHO’S BEING A TOTAL CREEPER WATCHING KIDS IN SWIMSUITS? Our legendary asshole Yuna D. Kaito, of course!! XD Now, I have to be sincere. This is another of those “???” scenes because, ok, they try to explain that he’s there to cause some trouble now that Sakura knows the origin of the cards, but I still didn’t get why he’s doing that. What’s the connection between the two things? He smiles warmly while taking out his staff and he’s the usual smartass we love to hate!

Shit definitely goes down again

Then, panic unfolds. We have the final proof that in this chapter, Sakura could feel things before happening TWICE: one is as soon as Akiho arrives to school, having an uneasy feeling that she never had while looking at Akiho, and now, seconds before Kaito stopped time with his magic. Actually, scratch that: they might be 3 TIMES, as she pulls out her key and Reflect Card even before the real attack comes to her. This is all fun and games, until you actually stop to realize...that Sakura’s power might have increased once again, leading her to new heights of worrisome strong magical powers. 

A whirlpool raising from the pool attacks Sakura, to which she effortlessly responds using “Reflect” and here I’m once again confused because the scene just doesn’t flow right, there’s at least a panel missing to show that the one attacking her is “the pool” and those “arrows” don’t come out of nowhere, like the rest of this attack anyway, as it felt totally random (this might be the part pertaining to Kaito, anyway).

And, as if anyone called her: hello there, “vessel-mode” Akiho! (Ah, actually “vessel” is not a thing anymore, as the term has been completely erased in the tankobon release of volume 6, the latest out. The term “vessel” has been replaced with 中, “inside”. I’ll do a post about it, later on.) Just like last time, the usual assholes are talking through her again, using her as an intercom (though, I’m not sure if these are the Squids or the Association), commenting on Sakura’s powers and then attacking her, still using Akiho, stating that they have to bind her to this book. Yes, the verb used is really “to bind, to file” and it’s relative to books etc. 

Soooooo, now what I want to know is:

IS THIS THE CLIMAX STARTING TO MOVE FOR REAL, this time around?

Is something irreparable about to happen? Will Sakura be trapped in that book?

But most importantly, will Kaito rewind time once again and make the fandom riot like they never had before??? I really want to see if CLAMP are going to put their fan’s patience on the line like that ^^””” Still, it probably feels too soon to wrap this up, considering Kaito said there aren’t enough cards not many chapters ago. She did 3 in one day, yes, but if Kaito was about to cause something before the assholes interfered, it’s probably because he wanted her to give birth to another card. And now we have to see if this will happen or not.

If you’re wondering when next chapter is going to be released, please read my post on the matter.  UPDATE: a confirmation of a break for the July issue came from Nakayoshi’s Twitter account, you can read more HERE .

Thanks to @horitsuba for the scans featured here and thank you for sticking around to the end of this rant!! Mwah mwah! XDD

[positivlyfocused]

How I Get What I Want Easily

The best happiness is conjured. It's how I get things easily. Getting what I want should be easy. That's the way life can be for everyone. For me it is.

It hasn’t always been easy.  I had to learn how reality happens before getting what I want came easily. I appreciate what I learned. So I'm sharing it.

In the old days I didn’t know all this. By "old days" I mean a few years ago. 😀

Back then, I got a lot of what I wanted and some of what I didn't. I got that the same way you likely do. Random!

I became pretty successful, but it was hard work, struggle, sacrifice.

Instead of talking about the old days, I want to talk about today's days. But I guess I can't without referring a little bit to the old days for context. 🤷🏽‍♂️

How Do Things Happen?

First, let me clarify something: Getting what I want means creating reality.

Many people scoff when "new agers" talk about "creating reality" and "manifesting". Here's the thing about that.

A lot of what I want is “real”. Physical events, physical things and, yes, some intangible things too. Like peace of mind. And understanding how life works.

But everything I want, including intangible stuff, must happen in the physical world. I call that “reality”. You probably call it that too.

So getting what I want means experiencing realities different from what I have. New realities that include in them what I want. Somehow, those realities must come about.

How do they come? Aren't they being created? If so, who or what creates them?

I explored these questions some time ago. I'm glad I got super-clear answers.

So when I talk about getting what I want, I'm talking about creating new realities. Realities that weren't realities before. I'm at the center of "how". And I'm getting better proving to myself how that "how" works.

Fig. 1 below shows how I used to create reality. I call it "The Haphazard Way". Here's how that process worked for me. Maybe it works for you this way.

^^Illustration by the author

Reality Needs A Perceiver And It Shapes That Which Perceives

Reality doesn’t exist if there is no perceiver. So reality needs a perceiver for it to “be”. Any consciousness capable of perception will do. In Fig. 1, I'm using me as the perceiver. But it could as well be a dog, bird, cockroach or single-celled organism.

In The Haphazard Way, as perceiver, I look at the world (Step 1 in Fig. 1) and see what's happening. From that, I choose what I want.

For example, when I was young, I realized having money was a good thing. In high school, I looked at professions where my talents (love of writing, art, etc) would pay most. Then I planned my life to match that trajectory.

So far so good.

But while spending so much time looking at the world, I also couldn't help see how other people got what I wanted. Sounds normal, right? You set a goal, then look at others' success as a model for yours.

The problem is, I’m not here to copy what others did. I thought I was. And I succeeded at that for a while. It wasn't fulfilling though.

^^Illustration by the author

I’m a creator. I’m here to do it my way. A fresh way. You are a creator too. You're not here to copy others.

Besides, the majority of humans (like 99.999 percent) create what they want haphazardly (Fig. 1). That works. But it's not easy. That’s why so many people describe getting what they want as “working your ass off," "sacrificing", "paying your dues", etc. Then they feel proud about that.

Why would I want to copy that? If they knew what I now know, I don't think they'd feel proud.

But it's what they know. So I don't blame them. Instead I say "more power to you!" Because they're going to need it.

In their reality (FIg. 1), working your ass off (or who you know, or having money, or paying your dues or whatever) is necessary. It's necessary because they’ve looked at how others have done it. And they are copying that.

I was doing the same. Here's why I don't do that now.

Living Other People's Experience By Default

When I copied another’s way, I also accepted their beliefs about reality. Everybody's doing that. Which is why we have the world we have, where pretty much everyone thinks the same way about reality. I thought that way too.

Back to Fig. 1: Looking at the world (Step 1) formed beliefs within me consistent with what I was looking at (Step 2). Including other people's beliefs. If I believed as everyone else, my actions would match everyone else (Step 3). Not my original, pure inspirations.

^^Illustration by the author

Beliefs dictate actions in The Haphazard Way

My actions reflected what I believed. Next I'd look at results my actions created (Step 4) to check (Step 5) if they matched my expectations. “Expectations” is another word for "beliefs about the future". Based on beliefs I got from others, I formed beliefs about the future containing what my acts should produce.

Make sense so far?

Here's the problem. My adopted beliefs included ways to get what I want. But they also included negative beliefs about the world. About me too.

A major negative belief about the world, which I adopted from others was "there's only so much to go around". Another: "I'm in competition for those limited things, whether it's money, women, cars, etc.” Another: “money doesn’t grow on trees” meaning: it’s scarce.

These are beliefs new agers call "scarcity consciousness". They make an unlimited thing limited.

My beliefs also included other people's beliefs about people like me. For example, I had a lot of negative beliefs about being African American and queer. These negative beliefs shaped my self-worth, self-respect and, most important, what I thought was possible.

Maybe you have these too. Where do these come from? I got them looking at the world. I listened to what my parents' said about the world and believed them. I watched their personal experiences, then formed beliefs from that. I got beliefs from my personal experience. I shaped beliefs listening to TV and radio. I got beliefs from reading stuff.

In other words, I got my beliefs from looking at the world around me (Step 1).

How about you? Where do your beliefs come from? Have you thought about that? Some people I talk with are open enough to say they get their beliefs the same way I did. "I was raised to believe..." is how it usually starts.

Maybe you were "raised to believe..." a certain way too...

Back to Fig. 1.

^^Illustration by the author

So when I checked my progress (or lack thereof), I would make up stories reflecting my messed up (inaccurate) beliefs. "This happened because I was black" or, "I can't do that right" or, "I wish I could do it like that guy", or "I need money to do that and I don't have money so..."

The thing is, the world I saw matched beliefs I had. It's tricky to sort out beliefs I hold from the world I see. They are so intertwined. In reality, they are one. They both reflect each to the other. I know that now.

^^Illustration by the author

So no matter what happened from my actions, I interpreted them according to my beliefs. I still do that. That can't be helped. Life will always reflect my beliefs.

But today, I have a whole new set of beliefs. They come from a new way of creating reality.

What's interesting is, I wouldn't have my new way, were it not for the old way. 

Life will not differ from how I believe. "Life" is the cycle illustrated in Fig. 1 and 2. Both cycles repeat themselves over and over. Beliefs become automatic. Acts born of beliefs recede into the background. What’s left are results and interpretations.

If I want any part of my reality different, I must change my beliefs. To change beliefs, I must know how they happen. Then use that process differently.

That's where Fig. 2 comes in.

^^Illustration by the author

The World Turns From One Thing I See To The Next

I questioned early on why things happened the way they did. So The Haphazard Way helped me. It's not wrong. I think it serves this exact purpose.

I'm not the only person who knows about this. More are learning it all the time. Here's how it works:

First, I look at the world (Step 1). But I don't accept that world as factual. Instead I look at what is and use it to decide not only what I want, but how I would like it to happen.

I don't think about the specifics of how it could happen. I only think about how it would feel to have what I want (Step 1).

Once I figure that out, I choose beliefs (Step 2) consistent with what I want.  I just make up beliefs. The more original the better. The beliefs boost the feelings.

Next I hold the feelings the beliefs have boosted. I keep feeling the feelings. I pay as little attention as I can to current reality. Including the fact that it doesn't contain what I want. I don't think about what I want either. I only feel how it feels having what I want.

I'm not always successful. But you'd be surprised how little success is needed for this to work.

If/when I'm successful with Fig. 2 Step 2, the universe and the larger part that is me gives feedback, suggestions and impulses about acts to take (Step 3). I try never to act unless I get inspiration. This is important.

Sometimes it takes a long time before I get inspiration. Just ask my wife! 😜

Other times, inspiration comes immediately.

Sometimes I have to sort out where the inspiration is coming from. Old beliefs sometimes draw ideas to me. They sound like "you should be doing...."

The right inspiration doesn't sound that way.

When right inspiration does come, I try to act immediately (Step 4). Next, I do my best to not look for evidence my acts create. I don't check. Instead, I use observing the world as fuel. Fuel for more manufactured beliefs. Beliefs consistent with the reality I am creating, rather than the one I'm looking at.

My Inner Being has written in this blog about some results this process produced. It's going to continue doing that. So many things are happening all the time.

Life has changed for me since using this process. Most important, I'm finding myself happier. Not because I'm getting more of what I want easier, which I am. But because when I'm spending most of my time focusing on positive beliefs, how can that not become a habit? And how can a positive focus turned habitual not produce a reality consistent with that? And how can that not create a happy life?

That’s conjured happiness.

In the end, I want what I want because I think I'll be happier getting that. When I'm positively focused, I'm already happy. That's the best place from which to have what I want show up. It takes out the yearning that happens when I seek happiness in getting things.

The best happiness is conjured happiness. I know that now. And thank goodness that I do because it makes getting things easy.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Seventy-One: ID Bracelet ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: The Future is Wild ] [ AO3 Link ]

How odd, to wake for the first time with an empty mind.

Eyes of pale lavender slowly open, fringes of lashes fluttering. Above her is a plane of white - perfectly arranged tiles along a ceiling, broken up intermittently with soft, colorless lights. Her gaze flickers over the sight before she dares to turn her head. With it, the fringe of her hair shifts over her brow. To her right, another marless wall of white. But to the left…

A huge sheet of glass. Peerless. Unscathed. Without a scratch. Beyond it, an empty hallway of the same unfeeling white. Cold. Hard. Lifeless.

For a time, she lets her head rest flat again, considering the ceiling. In her mind are no words - no inner narrative. Just vague inclinations - questions without form, lacking the knowledge to mold them. Where is she? What is she? Why is she?

Then instinct gives her a hint.

Move.

Limbs shift subtly, realized. She has a body? It can move? Her left arm lifts, wobbles, turns and bends. She watches it curiously, flexes fingers, feels the sensation of tightening muscles. Takes everything in with those pale eyes.

“You’re awake.”

The words mean nothing to her, but sound is a new dimension. Back to the glass she looks. There stands...something. It wasn’t there before. It...moves? Is it...her? Like her? Not like her? In her effort to see it more clearly, her torso turns - more body to discover. Like a newborn fawn she struggles to wrangle her fleshy vessel to her whims. As she turns atop the strange cot upon which she’s lying, something moves against her skin. Her hair, her garment, and...a bracelet. She has words for none of them, understanding for none of them. Hands sloppily touch and pull at all she is, all she has. There’s...sensation. She feels it! The gown that hangs to her knees is smooth...but not as smooth as her skin. And the thing that dangles over her wrist...it shines. Silver, metal, save for a small screen that displays symbols, meaningless to her.

To anyone else, it simply reads: B1.

As she watches, the symbols...move! Float across the little screen, changing and flowing. Vitals display, physical information. Current height, weight, body mass index, last sleep cycle, last meal, last waste deposit. Anything and everything that is her.

All the while, outside the glass, the her-is-not-her watches. Patiently. His eyes are not like hers. Dark. Guarded. Not so curious and open about the new world around them.

His eyes have seen much. More than hers. Great things. Terrible things.

He wonders which she will be.

Eventually, she loses interest in the bracelet, and her gown. Combing fingers through her hair, she keeps up the act subconsciously as she again takes in her little room. It’s only ten paces in any direction. Her cot is the only anomaly: a fluid shape up out of the floor, like a stand for a trophy. Her legs dangle off the edge, feet bare over the cool tiles.

Then her eyes return to him.

His garment is different. A coat, white; trousers, black; shirt, red; tie, black. And he has shoes - she can’t see his feet. Nor can she tell what is garment, what is him. What is him?

“Can you hear me?”

Her head tilts.

He knows she doesn’t yet comprehend language, but...all in due time. At least, so far, she seems functional. Motor skills are developing well after so long in suspended animation as she grew. They’ll have to test her full capabilities later. Make sure nothing is deficient or malformed after her accelerated growth...but from a glance, she appears whole. Normal.

Of course...he knows better than to expect perfect results from the prototype. There’s a reason there’s a number beside her project’s initial. There will be more. There will always be more. Tweaks. Improvements. Fixes for bugs and imperfections.

For now, he simply observes.

She stares at him, unblinking. Unnerving how her gaze almost seems to go right through him, but...well, he supposes that’s largely the point. The government isn’t paying his employer millions just to make humans.

They have to be special.

Then, to his surprise, she attempts to stand. Attempts being the key word, as her untested legs quickly give out under the new strain of gravity. He doesn’t react, watching to see what she’ll do. Limbs a mess and back propped against her cot, there’s a curt huff of frustrated breath.

...that was almost cute.

Arms reach for a hold, twisting her torso to reach for the edge. She manages to rise to her knees, still clinging to the cot and observing herself critically. Seems she’s not a fan of her beginning fragility. Then a leg lifts, planting her foot with her knee at a right angle. Good. Push, strain, wobble like a Spring calf. Plant other foot. Hold on to support. Carefully - oh so carefully - let go.

Continue to sway, but...remain upright. Arms stretch out like an acrobat’s pole on a tightrope, lifting and lowering to adjust her balance.

...huh. Impressive.

Tiny shuffling steps turn her back toward the glass. One foot slides, rather than lifts, across the floor, like a child learning to ski. Shift weight, bring forth other foot. Slow, unsteady progress.

And he just...watches. Hands in his pockets. Expression carefully neutral.

After a long minute of travel...she makes it. Braces palms against the glass, which fogs ever so slightly in the chilled laboratory air near her body heat. Watching the phenomenon, her gaze then lifts to his face. Studies it, eyes open and clear, unphased by things like social decorum. Her mind thirsts for knowledge of this world it suddenly finds itself in, and he is the first thing of note in her path.

The first thing like her.

There’s still an eerie feeling as she watches him. He knows what those eyes have been engineered to do: to see through anything, when fed the right biochemical signal. The perfect spy, with both x-ray and binocular vision.

Exactly what they’re being paid to build.

Orochimaru has always sought to push the boundaries of fact and fiction when it comes to human biology. Limits pushed just to see what pushing them does. What happens when those boundaries are broken. The unnatural, perverse things Sasuke has seen while working under the man have been numerous...but this project, at least, has to retain a sense of normalcy.

If a being is to blend into society, it can’t stand out. And while her gaze is troubling, they can always adjust it. She’ll have to prove she can go unseen...while seeing everything.

Lost in his thoughts, Sasuke moves only as she does. Her right hand, attached to her ID bracelet, lifts to press more level to his face, as though longing to touch it. Still the intense stare, head tilting to better her angle of observation.

His own eyes flicker over her face, eventually managing to lock.

She has yet to blink.

Then, subtly...he sees it. Veins along her temples swell, altered brain flipping a switch.

...she’s looking through him. Literally this time.

He just...stands in shock. How did she…? She can’t know how to…?

Eventually, her eyes move aside, slowly scanning the building beyond him. Peeking into crevices, seeing into rooms, peering around corners. As he watches, he can just barely see the shifts in her irises: like a camera lens adjusting focus as she narrows and widens her field of view.

...amazing…

After a sweep, she brings her gaze back to him, veins receding as she lets the phenomenon cease.

Considering her silently, Sasuke then decides to abandon his better judgment. Just for a moment.

Just to see what she’ll do.

Withdrawing a hand from a pocket, he lifts it, slowly. As expected, her eyes snap to the movement. Letting her watch, he then adjusts to let his palm rest on the other side of the six inch thick reinforced glass from hers.

It’s so dainty when compared to his own.

Something...shifts in her expression. Almost like a tinge of sadness. Slowly, her fingers curl to a fist, eyes dropping and suddenly looking miles away.

What he’d give to know what she’s thinking.

Feeling.

Then, the limb slips from the glass completely. She turns to walk away.

“Wait.”

The sound draws her gaze.

The word comes unexpectedly. Unintendedly. Suddenly his throat is dry, watching as she watches him.

His own visual cue is far less subtle than hers. The black iris spins, shifts...turns red. With it, the lavender specter that ghosts over her shell flickers into vision. Echoes of her subtle movements make her seem to shift in slow motion, like afterimages he can watch and predict far faster than any untinkered human.

Her face goes slack with recognition.

He...he is like her…!

Stepping back to him, she palms at the glass, seeming to seek a way through it. But he stoppers her with a gesture. His eyes go dark. He shakes his head.

...she doesn’t understand.

Heaving a sigh, he retreats his hand, shoving it back into his pocket and walking down the hall, the thumps of her palms unheard.

                                                        .oOo.

     So this is...really random xD I'm actually not a big fan of sci fi as a genre - I've always been more of a fantasy kinda person. So tbh I dunno how...well I did this? Since I don't have much to compare it to, lol      Back when I first did this prompt list with original characters, I did something very similar to this, but...it's neat to see how my perceptions have changed, and just overall writing quality. I like this a lot better than that first attempt, but...I guess that's the point!      ANYWAY      So, we have Oro in a lab making fancy modified hoomans! And Hinata, Byakugan 1, has just been woken from stasis for the first time! A bit odd to suddenly exist at like twenty years old. And of course, Sasuke - one of Oro's top assistants - goes to check on her. But it seems even Oro's employees have their quirks :3c      Ngl, I might do more with this in the future. We'll see. I'm not...overly comfortable with writing sci fi since I don't really "know" it very well, but...maybe I'll make an exception here, lol      Buuut for now, I need sleep. I was up all night sick last night and...hoping it doesn't happen again ^^; All that aside though, thanks for reading!

[digressfromreality]

When a Villain Loves a Hero

She’s still living with all the pieces of her that want to die. Aizawa’s wife is more complicated than he ever imagined. (Reader’s quirk is the ability to “Summon” tangible items and I made a random cult)

----

Their First Day

He met her by chance. Mic had dragged him to some event where he announced. Of course, he couldn’t leave Shota at home to rest. No, he wanted his single buddy to accompany him as his plus one.

As tired as he was, he managed to brush his hair back, and shuffle his banding cloth out of sight, well… under another less conspicuous scarf.

Not even a half hour in, Mic had already become more... fragrant in his movements and smacked his hand into a woman passing by.

Toppling over, Y/N had landed into Shota’s lap. Waves of hair and sweet perfume had obstructed him. With a grunt he shifted her upright and tried to steady her.

“Sorry listener, just got a bit excited there. Here let me-” Present Mic stopped his apology, seeing how he was on the business end of her infamous glare.

Shota had counted off the seconds until this woman decided to get off him, and be on her way.

Her skin felt hot, her outfit had several cutouts. He noticed scars, scissoring up and down her back and arms. Almost like a homemade doll stitched together. Not crude, but meticulously done.

Surgery? But it didn’t appear to be corrective. Quirk related?

“Ahh... tough crowd. Shota could you help a hero out?” He nodded, the woman jumped up, now realizing she was sitting on some stranger’s lap.

“I apologize, I’m usually more aware of my surroundings.” She summoned a towel noticing she had spilt the rest of her drink down his leg. She kneeled down to pat dry the mess. “I can pay you for-“

She paused as his eyes grew big, she dropped her towel and picked herself back up. She was manhandling.... a delicate area... of someone she just met.

“Shota.” He raised his hand to greet her, he might as well get the first name of the woman who had been closer than most.

“Y/N.” She smiled, accepting the handshake.

——

5 Years Together

Nearly after 1 year of marriage, she had slowly, careful not to force him away, she revealed her true self.

The scars…they encompassed nearly her entire body. Although, she was not shy of showing her skin, there never had been an explanation to the stitching.

Just the shallow and breathless uttering of “Hell is empty, all the devils are here.”

Whatever had happened, Shota surmised, was a traumatic event. And was best left unspoken.

Another trait he noticed was that desolate thousand mile stare…it was intense, dark and dangerous. He had been fortunate, he never to be receiving end of her stare, but he had observed it over time.

The chill of resentment and bitterness tended to freeze its prey in their tracks. Usually some rude person, or Hizashi playing the part of prey, having unknowingly offended her some way.

It wasn’t part of her quirk per say, but it was severe and effective. Having perfected such a behavioral defense, had always made him wonder how unkind her life must of have been prior. Always secretive and avoided at all costs, he only knew her name and she had grown up at an orphanage.

But her sadness was minuet and minuscule. In a serendipitous way, they had lived mainly happy and comfortable. Between the two of them, they had been able to afford comfortable living quarters and breathe easy.

She was an accounting executive at the radio station that Hizashi regularly announced at, while he secured a position at UA.

Her smiles could inspire writers of those trashy romance novels he confiscated from his female students or inspire the pulsating hearts of his male students into further hormonal fuel idiocy.

Whatever it was, the nature and cultivation of his wife was an ever evolving mystery.

-----

7 Years Together

“Aizawa! Y/N!” A stout man waved down the couple who had been enjoying a rare night out together. Tired and sweaty, this man looked awfully eager to gain their attention.

He paused, feeling his wife’s hand tremble within his own. This was far from normal, Y/N cowered from nobody.

“It’s been forever and a day, Y/N! No invite to the wedding, not even a postcard from the honeymoon. You’ve been married for 3 years now, is that right?” The man chortled his wife, while her expression soured.

Staring at him made her want to wheeze under the pressure of a thousand unheard screams. Seeing the dimple in his smile made her clench her fists and brace for hundreds of beatings she had received in memory of it. This greedy, evil bastard dared show his face once again. Y/N had no sympathy for this man, no peace or love when thinking of him.

“Why are you here, brother?” Her question venomous and angry.

Brother? Hadn’t his wife grown up in an orphanage? This man certainly looked familial. This bothered Shota.

There were too many inconsistencies for him to ignore. The more he learned about his wife the less he understood.

“Cold as ever little sister,” the man while perturbed, seemed familiar with his wife’s trance, “Nana has been asking about you these days.”

Again, Shota was floored by Y/N’s demeanor. Although she was putting on a brusque front, she was utterly petrified of this man. She was taking steady calculated breaths, either to calm herself or to prepare herself to attack.

“Don’t…” She appeared pained, struggling to find the right words (threats). “I told you, Nana, everyone in that filthy compound to never contact me again.” Unconsciously, she traced the scarring down her arm, which did not go unnoticed by Shota.

This man...he had…

The banding cloth restrained the man before he could uttered another word, he will squeeze him until…until… Y/N knew…

“Shota, stop.” She begged, her hand touching his face. He grit his teeth, as he watched her lips quiver when pleading for the man’s release. “Shota, you’re making a scene.”

He sighed, dropping eye contact and loosened the banding cloth reluctantly. Y/N glared at passersby, giving them a breadth of space.

“Oh...hahaha.” He wheezed out of a chuckle, “A pro hero? It’s just like you to seek protection.” He turned to Shota, jabbing him in the chest. “What did she say to you? What poor me story did she cry as you fucked her? I’m curious to what she could have told a Pro Hero for him to take an ex-villain for a wife.”

“I’m not like them. Shota, please I’m not.” She sighed, exhaustion seeping into her pleas. He remained silent, still trying to process something that just shook his entire world.

Her brother shrugged, “Trash will always be trash.”  

“I’m former,” she emphasized, “Dark Order.” Admitting the truth astonished both of the men standing in front of her. She turned to husband again. “Decide Shota.” She held his hands limply, ready relinquish her hold if he wanted her to. Her past was exposed, although a small glimpse, it was enough for him to arrest her. To leave her. To forget everything about her.

It may appear on the street as a lovers quarrel but his decision here would determine whether she walked away. She would turn the other direction with the clothes on her back and the money in her pocket and never look back. Never to return to her job, her home, or her love.

The children of the Dark Order. A cult. Her existence had entirely relied on whether how her quirk could benefit her “family”. The Dark Order was something the Heroes Association had little to no real information on. The recruiting was secret. Their crimes were nearly untraceable. They fronted themselves as martyrs of an idealistic society, often overzealous and unquestioning, which had lumped them the category of a cult.

Finding a former member…was deemed impossible at one time.

The heartless glares, and bouts of detached perception now were crystal clear. But she had escaped that life, with little to no retribution. Which was delicately put, was more than likely a tremendous feat in itself.

She now had a life that involved him. She was his, as he was hers.

“Leave. Or I will have no choice in dragging you in. I won’t subject my wife to your sadistic behavior any longer.” He warned.

“Listen here, I will not be spit upon by a traitorous slut and her pitiful bastard…”

Her eyes and stance turned frigid once more. She wasn’t here to play games.

She summoned a wad of bills into her right hand. Definitely an amount that made Shota’s eyes double. “Jung, never approach me or my husband again.”

She threw the money haphazardly in the air, causing him to jump and try to catch it before it hit the ground. But she could care less. “If any of you come near me again, I will summon all the bullets in this country to rain upon you.”

Shota turned pulling his wife with him, “Y/N, I love you.” He pressed a reassuring kiss to her forehead. “But you can’t threaten murder in public, no matter much they deserve it.”

[bisexualklausmikaelson]

i wanna sleep next to you

a/n: au future fic/au after “change your mind” or Peridot dreams in purple, Amethyst dreams in green (Amedot, mentions of Lapidot and Pearlmethyst) - also a sister fic with my Lapidot fic titled ‘kiss me under the stars’

―

(Back in Homeworld, Peridot didn’t really know what sleep was. But, what she did know was this - whenever she closed her eyes, rays of mauve clouds would appear in her dreams.

Violet striped stars would float around, in her mind’s eye - the color of Amethysts, she thought. And, at the time, she hadn’t realized just what kind of plans fate had in store for her. 

She’d sink into that purple darkness before it was time to get back to her duties again.

Her work was never done).

― 

(Amethyst doesn’t remember much from her short time in the Kindergarten.

Her knowledge was limited back then. Although, she oddly always recognized the shades of emerald. It was as if her entire world had been black and white before this exact moment.

Before the Crystal Gems, Amethyst’s life was like an old movie. Scratchy and worn out, until the moment Rose showed her the beauty of the Earth.

All the pretty flowers, all the tall trees, all the greenery of the leaves - green like the first color she’d ever seen.

And, ever since then, Amethyst’s world has been filled with wonder and excitement).

―

Peridot is a mix of emotions while living with the Crystal Gems.

After everything that’s happened, she knows that this is the only place she can stay, for now. And with the barn destroyed, she didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

But, it was so loud here. 

With Garnet and Pearl singing karaoke with Steven in one room, the Off-Colors chatting away in the kitchen, the newly healed Corrupted Gems making a mess in the living room, and Lapis’ snoring right next to her―

Actually, that was a noise Peridot had gotten quite used to, by now.

“You hate it here, don’t you Peri?” She suddenly hears someone chime in next to her. Peridot turns her head to spy Amethyst hanging over the railing holding the bath tub’s curtain up.

She sighs, leaning against the toilet. “Whatever gave you that idea?” Peridot murmurs softly.

Amethyst finds herself smiling at the other gem. She truly missed having her around. “I know it’s not as nice and quiet as your old barn,” she says. “But hey, the bath tub was your first bed, you know? I mean it’s not the most comfortable place but―”

“I don’t need to sleep Amethyst,” Peridot suddenly spits, cutting her off.

She looks down at Lapis again, who is napping away. She’s knows by now that the blue gem is quite deep in her slumber and, although she didn’t really need to sleep, it was something Lapis truly enjoyed.

Absentmindedly, Peridot ruffles her fingers through the other gem’s hair.

“That’s not the problem,” she mumbles.

Amethyst’s observes how soft she is with Lapis. How vulnerable. It makes her realize where the true issue is.

“You’re still mad at Lapis,” she realizes. “For leaving you,” she specifies.

Peridot’s eyes widen at her friend’s statement.

“Yeah,” she finally releases, sounding anxious. “I am,” she goes on to say.

Amethyst rolls her eyes at this exaggerated situation. Things couldn’t possible be so bad. It’s not as if Lapis was as difficult or specific as Pearl was. She wonders why Peridot was having such a hard time with this. “You could just talk to her about it,” she points out.

The green gem looks uncomfortable with the thought. She thinks of all the moments Lapis had been distant prior to leaving - of all the nights she left Peridot alone, crying, sad and lonely.

“It’s not that easy,” she says instead, with a bitter tone.

Amethyst recognizes the look in the other gem’s eyes right away - pettiness. Somewhere, underneath the compassion, lies the soul of the old Peridot that had attempted to destroy her. 

“Well,” the purple gem sighs, placing a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “It’s not that hard either,” she tells her.

For the first time, Peridot doesn’t believe her.

―

(Peridot notices Amethyst around her a lot more, since then.

Whether she is out taking Pumpkin for a walk, or having a snack with Steven. Whether she’s just researching tools with Pearl, or surfing the web while lying on the beach - Amethyst is there, keeping an eye on her.

Overtime, Peridot’s gotten used to the other gem’s company, and she’s not exactly sure she wants her shoo her away, just yet).

―

One night, Peridot ends up in Amethyst’s room, watching old reruns of Camp Pining Hearts.

The purple gem is so tired that she can barely keep her eyes open. She’s lying on her stomach with a pillow between her arms. The green gem sits next to her, unable to look away from the screen.

“I can’t believe you still watch this show,” Amethyst says, while rolling her eyes.

Peridot doesn’t offer her a reaction. “You don’t have to stick around,” she tells her, motionlessly.

It takes her too long to realize that she’s completely oblivious. Peridot doesn’t take hints well - she’s utterly clueless when it comes to this human stuff called ‘emotions’. So instead, Amethyst nudges her hand.

“I like spending time with you, Peri,” she admits, as her touch makes the other gem blush.

“I noticed,” is all Perdiot is able to blurt out, in the midst of her anxiety.

She really hated Earth for these reasons exactly. It had given her so many feelings - feelings she just could not explain. She didn’t know how to name them, or pursue them in any way.

How does one make these things go away? She thought.

“Amethyst, you’re easy to talk to.”

The purple gem looked at her skeptically. “Thanks,” she says, as she hadn’t expected that random compliment coming from Peridot. “I guess that’s different than what you’re used to with Lapis, isn’t it?” she figures out.

And it makes Peridot realize that Amethyst is a lot smarter than she leads on. Actually, she’s a lot smarter than most people.

Because she’s perceptive.

“Lapis is,” Peridot pauses, as her voice shakes. After all, her blue gem companion is so many things and more. How could she just summarize her into a simple word? Lapis was brilliant, brave, strong and― 

“Sensitive,” Peridot finally settles on that word instead. “I am still learning what is appropriate to say and what is not, around her,” she confesses, with a broken look in her eyes.

The other gem decides that she hates it when Peridot is sad.

“You’re such a softy, Peri,” Amethyst smiles, lightly punching her friend in the shoulder.

She chuckles, rubbing the spot Amethyst had just touched. Unexpectedly, the remnants of her mark makes her skin crawl.

“So are you,” Perdiot tells her.

Amethyst knows she’s not human either but, if she were, this could be the moment where her heart would beat faster. Because Peridot’s smile is enought o light up her entire world - and then some. “Me?” she says, laughing. “Ha, yeah right,” Amethyst rolls her eyes.

(They focus their attention back on the screen as Paulette and Percy share a kiss).

―

(Later that night, Amethyst notices that Perdiot has moved her stuff from the bathroom to her bedroom.

“I kinda miss having a barn mate,” she offers, as an explanation. “Is this okay?” the fact that she’s actually asking is a surprise.

Normally, Perdiot can be a bit controlling - in a odd way, Amethyst did think she was a tad similar to Pearl. Maybe that’s why they budded heads so often.

“Yeah sure, Peri,” she softly replies, patting a spot beside her on her bed. “It’s room mates though, around here,” she sings, grinning with all her teeth.

Peridot climbs into bed next to her as Amethyst pulls the covers over their heads.

“Right,” she nods, “Room mates,” Peridot repeats, closing her eyes.

(She starts dreaming in purple, all over again).

―